Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first few nights in the hospital, Katsuki can barely sleep.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to or doesn’t try. He simply can’t sleep. His body rejects the notion except for very short bursts that usually end up with him waking up, heart racing and with sweat on his brow. He suspects it might be his own dreams that wake him, but he never remembers them. And even once he calms down and tries to sleep, he’s not tired and dreamland eludes him.

The doctors say it’s to be expected. He’s been in a medically-induced coma for a little over a week. His body got used to the drugs they used to keep him asleep, got slightly dependent on them, so sleeping without them is harder than it should be. And well, he’s been sleeping about eight days – and nights – straight. That’s a hundred and ninety-two hours of sleep, give or take. It makes sense that his body feels more than rested enough to not sleep for a while.

The problem with that is that Katsuki doesn’t really have anything to do with his time except watching TV. And there’s only so much of that he can handle in a single day. The fact that he can’t really move because of his injuries isn’t helping, either. Because of that, time drags, each hour feeling like a little eternity. Especially at night.

Katsuki definitely hates the nights. He hates how quiet the hospital gets. He hates how every sound he hears seems far louder in the silence than it should. He hates the darkness and the deceptive, creepy shadows the moonlight creates. But most of all, he hates the fact that he’s alone.

It’s more bearable during the day. He can hear the other patients and the hospital staff as they go about their daily work. Even when he doesn’t have visitors, he doesn’t really feel alone. Not that it’s often that there isn’t someone visiting him. Between Deku, his parents and his former classmates, there almost seems to be a planned-out schedule who gets to visit him when. One would think he’d be annoyed with how little time he actually has to himself during the day, how much everyone seems to fuss over him. And he is annoyed, because there is no goddamn need to fuss. He’s fine. His former classmates (and current coworkers) should focus on their job rather than wasting their time in his hospital room and he never misses a chance to tell them that.

But things are different at night. At night, the hospital grows dark and silent. At night, he’s alone. And although he won’t ever admit it out loud, Katsuki hates it.

The first night he actually manages to nod off and then wakes up, his first reaction to the dark surroundings is an attempt to use his quirk just a little. He even heaves a sigh of relief when his palm fizzles and cracks, tiny explosions popping just like when he was a little kid. Just enough to give a little light. It calms him. Reassures him. Before he scoffs at himself and his stupidity, because of course his quirk works and can give him some light. It has no reason not to. He’s being a moron. So he makes it a point not to do that again. And his nights remain calm and quiet and dark.

Katsuki hates every second of it.

~The Absolute Truth~

“Say, Bakugou, can I… talk to you for a minute?”

Katsuki looks over at Shitty Hair as the redhead pauses in the doorway to his hospital room, then steps back to close the door instead of leaving with the others. Black Eyes, Pikachu, Soy Sauce Face and Shitty Hair have been crowding him for the past three hours or so, but need to leave for work now. Or the other three need to and Shitty Hair still has time to spare, apparently. Katsuki grunts.

“You’ve been talking my fucking ears off for the last few hours. What’s a few more minutes?” Katsuki replies with a shrug of his shoulders. His injuries sting harshly at the movement, still refusing to heal, but he ignores it. At least his arms are bandage-free by now, all of the tiny scratches there long gone. The doctors are baffled, unable to explain why these tiny wounds healed normally while the others refused to, but Katsuki isn’t surprised. Deku told him what he learned from the villain, so Katsuki knew now why the wounds weren’t healing. The ones on his arms weren’t really secrets. They weren’t things he wanted to keep hidden. So the wounds healed over without much fuss. The same can’t be said for any of the other wounds, though.

“Ah, yeah, I suppose,” Shitty Hair says with a weak, awkward laugh as he walks back to Katsuki’s bedside and sits down in a chair. Still, he remains silent for a while longer and he doesn’t really meet Katsuki’s eyes. The blonde half-glares at him, but says nothing and simply waits. Finally, the redhead sighs. “So… Midoriya told you about… about the video the villains released. Right?” he asks quietly and Katsuki scowls, gritting his teeth. He isn’t really sure what he’s more surprised by, to be honest: the fact that Shitty Hair brings it up in the first place, or that it’s taken him so long to do it.

“What about it?” Katsuki asks in a low tone, nearly a growl. His hands start to tremble slightly, an odd tremor he can’t really control that’s been showing up on and off for the last few days. The blonde clenches his fists and the tension he forces into his arms makes the shaking stop.

He should have expected someone to bring up the fucking video. He hasn’t seen it himself, but he doesn’t need to to know what it shows. What truths it reveals. When he’s asked Deku about it, the greenette begrudgingly admitted how much of a field day the media are having with the information. The mere thought makes his entire body lock up, teeth gritting together and knuckles turning white with how tight his grip becomes from his rage. However, Deku has also told him that he knew how to deal with it. He’s asked Katsuki to trust him. To leave it to him. Katsuki has had little choice but to agree since he was still stuck at the hospital, but it irritates him only a little bit. A part of him is even glad to leave it to Deku, to not have to deal with this shit himself, though it’s a part he vehemently tries to bury and destroy because Bakugou Katsuki is no damn pussy and he’s not going to be cowed by the media. Even if they’re fucking vultures.

He’s not going to run away from a talk with someone he considered a friend, either. Again, he’s not a goddamn coward.

(The fact that he still hasn’t done anything about his not-healing injuries begs to differ, but Katsuki refuses to acknowledge the implications of it.)

Shitty Hair doesn’t answer right away. He bites his lip and looks away, clearly uncertain how to approach the topic.

“What… what the villains asked about… about you… bullying someone and… telling them to kill themselves…” Shitty Hair’s voice is quiet. Hesitant. Katsuki feels his entire body tense more, suddenly on high alert, heartbeat speeding up as he gulps a little. “At least… at least that second part… it’s not true, right? I mean… you always had a temper. And you said a lot of mean stuff we all knew you didn’t mean back at UA. But you… you’d never take it this far. Right?”

Katsuki grits his teeth and doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. The words are stuck in his throat, refusing to come out. He doesn’t get why Shitty Hair is asking. He knows what the damn asshole’s quirk was, doesn’t he? So he has to know nothing Katsuki has been forced to reveal has been a lie. Except what happened to the boy he’s bullied, but that lie is on the villains, not him. And that’s the only thing. Everything else is the truth. Shitty Hair has to be aware of it. So why the fuck is he asking Katsuki to admit it again, as if he doesn’t already know the truth?

His arms start to tremble again despite the tension in them – probably from anger – and his heart starts beating just a tad faster. Katsuki feels like he has to force his voice to leave his throat as he answers the question with another question, avoiding an actual reply.

“Why the fuck are you even asking, hah?” he asks in a low, growling tone as he glares at his lap, trying to clench his fists even more, to force more tension into the muscles of his arms. Still, the trembling doesn’t stop this time. He grits his teeth tighter and swallows hard. His throat feels tight, like it’s closing up against the movement.

“I just…” the redhead hesitates beside him. His voice grows quieter. “I just need to know. To hear the truth. Not… not from a goddamn video. From you. I need to hear it from you, whatever the answer is.”

“Fuck off…” Katsuki’s voice sounds strangled to his own ears. His throat closes up more. A feeling he doesn’t recognize, doesn’t know how to name, washes over him and makes him tremble more. It’s not quite fear, but it feels similar. It makes his heart race and his breath catch in his throat.

“I won’t,” Kirishima sounds like he’s far away. His words barely reach Katsuki’s ears. But that’s odd, isn’t it? His friend isn’t far away, he’s sitting right by his bedside. “Please, Bakugou. I… I need to hear the truth…” his voice grows further away. But that’s not right. He’s not walking away, he’s sitting right there. By Katsuki’s bed in the hospital room. He… he is in a hospital room…

No. No, he’s not. He’s in a basement, chained to a wall, his quirk doesn’t work and he can’t defend himself as the villains ask question after question. He doesn’t want to answer, he doesn’t, he tries to fight it but he fucking can’t and the villain’s quirk forces the answers onto his skin, on his chest and neck and he can’t do shit about it, he can’t even scream though he wants to because it hurts it hurts so much but he can’t make a sound he can’t even breathe his lungs won’t take in air and he’s suffocating and it hurts make it stop he’ll answer the damn questions just make it stop make it stop make it stop make it stop he can’t breathe it hurts make it stop…

“Bakugou-san,” a voice he doesn’t recognize cuts through the haze and he feels someone hold him by the shoulders. “Calm down. Breathe. Breathe with me,” he hears and he wants to yell because he’s trying, he’s trying but he can’t, he can’t breathe, he’s suffocating. “Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. In. Hold. Out. Yes, like that. Just like that. Breathe.”

It takes him a moment to come back to reality. He doesn’t really consciously realize he’s trying to match his breathing to someone else’s, his body just does it anyway. He blinks when his lungs stop burning, when he feels like he can actually breathe again and realizes he’s not chained to a fucking wall anywhere. He’s in a bed in the same hospital room he’s been in the last couple of days since he woke up. He’s fine. He’s… safe. And he suddenly feels exhausted.

He lets out a deep sigh and drops his face into his hands, elbows resting on his knees – when had he drawn them up to his chest like that anyway? – and closes his eyes. His arms are still shaking a bit. In fact, he feels like he’s trembling all over. He takes another deep breath and locks his muscles into place, forcing himself to stop. He’s tense, but in control of his own reactions and he desperately needs that right now.

“Fuck…” his voice is hoarse, as though he’s been screaming for hours. His chest and throat pulse with the familiar pain of freshly dealt or re-opened wounds muted by medication. He has a feeling he’d be in downright agony without it but as it is, he only lets out a pained hiss, one hand moving from his face to his neck. The bandages there feel damp against his fingers and he bites back a curse.

“Bakugou…? Are you… are you alright?” Shitty Hair is standing closer to the wall, likely having been made to move away from Katsuki by the nurse the blonde only now really registers is in the room with them. The redhead’s voice is hesitant and drips with worry and guilt. Katsuki scoffs at the question.

“I’m fucking fine,” he growls. The vibration creating the sound reverberates in his chest and throat making pain flare there again but he determinedly ignores it.

“What… happened?” the quiet question makes it clear Shitty Hair doesn’t believe him. Katsuki glares at the knowledge, but can admit that all things considered, he likely wouldn’t have believed himself in that moment, either.

“Nothing that we hadn’t expected might happen considering what Bakugou-san has been through, Kirishima-san. He had a panic attack,” the nurse explains calmly. Katsuki looks up at her sharply, an angry glare on his face despite the exhaustion settling into his body.

“I wasn’t fucking panicking,” he snaps at her. He has no reason to panic. And fuck, he’s a hero, he doesn’t panic easily. He doesn’t panic at all, period, because he’s a pro and he knows to keep his emotions in goddamn check.

The nurse gives him a flat look, unimpressed by his anger. She doesn’t comment, however, and turns to Shitty Hair instead, her voice leaving no room for discussion.

“I will have to ask you to leave now, Kirishima-san. Though you and your friends are welcome to come back at a later time,” she says and the redhead bites his lip before looking to Katsuki. His gaze meets the blonde’s red eyes for a moment, but then it wanders down to his neck and chest and he quickly nods.

“Yes, of course,” he tells the nurse and heads straight for the door. He pauses there again and looks back at Katsuki over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Bakugou. I didn’t mean…” he trails off and runs a hand through his hair in agitation before giving him a strained smile. “Let’s talk after you recover, alright?”

He leaves before Katsuki can say anything back. The blonde is left to glower at the closed door, miffed that Shitty Hair feels the need to fucking apologize. As if he’s done something wrong. As if he’s overstepped or something. He hasn’t. He’s just asked a stupid question. Katsuki isn’t fucking delicate, he can handle some shitty-ass questions.

Then why did he panic?

No, fuck that, he hasn’t panicked. He hasn’t had any reason to panic. The bitch in front of him is just delusional. Yeah. That’s it.

That… has to be it. Because he didn’t have any reason to panic. None at all.

The nurse tells him to lie down and relax. Helps him do so, even. He doesn’t protest the help only because he’s goddamn exhausted. He just wants to sleep. The nurse tells him it’s fine if he does and that she’ll call for a doctor to look over his injuries. He falls asleep before she’s back.

~The Absolute Truth~

When Deku visits him later that day, Katsuki’s throat and chest are wrapped up in fresh bandages. From what he can tell, they’re slightly tighter as well. It doesn’t make breathing hard or anything and he doesn’t feel restricted, but he does feel the pressure against his skin more than before.

As soon as Deku sits down in his chair by his bedside, Katsuki reaches out a hand to hold his tightly. He isn’t sure why he does it. He doesn’t do it with anyone else, only Deku. But the contact eases something inside him, some pressure that’s constantly there, when nothing else seems to give him that relief. Deku doesn’t seem to mind. He never pulls back and often even offers his hand when he sees Katsuki reach for it.

After the conversation with Shitty Hair, Katsuki wonders if it’s because Deku knows what he feels for him. He hasn’t thought about it before. He is aware that the villains released the thrice-be-damned video and that Deku has watched it – mostly as part of his work, but still – but it hasn’t hit him until earlier what that actually meant. Shitty Hair bringing up his bullying, his almost suicide instigation, really hit it home that what the villains tore out of him, everyone who watched the video would know. And if he remembers right, they’ve fucking recorded the part where they asked what he felt for Deku. So if Deku has watched the fucking video then… then he has to know.

Deku hasn’t made a single comment on it, though. He hasn’t said that he knew. He hasn’t said what he thought of it. He just let Katsuki hold his hand or lean against him without a single comment. The blonde isn’t really sure what to make of that. Is Deku accepting his feelings, or is he just acting like he always did? It’s hard to tell.

“I told your parents about the panic attack. And that your wounds got worse because of it,” Deku finally says with a sigh, making Katsuki bristle.

“It wasn’t a panic attack. I didn’t fucking panic,” he snaps back, his grip on Deku’s hand tightening a little despite himself. Once again, Deku doesn’t comment, although the way he squeezes back proves he definitely notices it.

“Kacchan,” the greenette says with a soft sigh. “It’s alright if you did. It doesn’t make you weak. You’ve been through something horrifying, even by hero standards. It’s normal to react like that,” he says, but Katsuki only scoffs stubbornly.

“I didn’t fucking panic,” he repeats, pointedly looking away from Deku. The green-haired man sighs again.

“Whatever you say, Kacchan,” he relents, but both of them know he’s not buying it. Katsuki grits his teeth. They both stay silent for a little while and it grates on Katsuki’s nerves. He isn’t alone right now. He knows he isn’t, Deku’s hand in his grip is the best proof of that. But the quiet is unnerving.

“Why did you have to fucking tell my parents about it?” he finally asks, tone low and broody. “They’ll only freak out more because of it,” he knows they will. That they likely are, even if his mother is unlikely to show it much. They are his parents. They care and Katsuki is well aware of that.

“They deserved to know,” Deku replied with an unconcerned shrug. Katsuki turned his head slowly so the movement wouldn’t send another stab of pain through him to give his house mate a sharp glare. But the times when Deku has been intimidated by Katsuki’s glares are long over and he only glares back stubbornly. “What? You know they do. I wasn’t going to keep it from them, Kacchan. They’re your parents.”

“They’re fucking civilians, too, Deku. Why do you think I made you my goddamn next of kin and not them?” Katsuki seethes, despite knowing that Deku has a point. “You didn’t tell them about the wounds not healing. Why tell them this?”

“That’s different and you know it,” Deku counters with a frown. “I didn’t tell them immediately because we didn’t have anything but speculation while also having a lead. I wanted to make sure I told them everything I could when I knew everything to ease what little worry I could. And it’s a good thing I did. It’s better your parents found out that you’re not healing but that we know how to deal with it than if I’d told them you’re not healing and we have no idea why,” he adds and Katsuki scowls. Deku is right. He knows he is. But that doesn’t mean he has to like it. “Besides, you should be glad I didn’t tell them what needs to be done so your injuries start healing properly. I could have and we both know that, but I decided to leave that up to you instead. And we both know they’d be hounding you to just come clean and say what you need to say to whoever you need to say it to if they knew.”

There’s a look in Deku’s eyes as he says that. One that Katsuki isn’t sure how to read. It’s like he’s expecting something or maybe like he’s offering something. Whatever it is, it makes the blonde uncomfortable. He shrugs again, injuries stinging sharply at the movement. He ignores the pain, just as he ignores the reprimanding look Deku gives him.

“Whatever,” he grumbles at length. “I still think they would have been better off not knowing.”

“They deserved to know, Kacchan. Yes, I agree, some things are better left unsaid to them – at least for a time – since they can’t be expected to deal with it well, being civilians and not heroes like us. But this isn’t one of them,” Deku replies with a sigh. He almost sounds… disappointed at something? Katsuki looks over at him out of the corner of his eye and barely catches him mumble something about Katsuki not ever saying anything if he could help it. The blonde frowns but doesn’t respond, unsure whether to react to Deku’s expression, the words he said or the words he clearly wasn’t meant to really hear. When the greenette carefully tries to pull his hand away, though, Katsuki’s grip tightens immediately without any real conscious thought on his part. Deku gives him that look he doesn’t know how to interpret again. Katsuki glares back briefly before pointedly looking away, but he doesn’t release Deku’s hand and the other man doesn’t try to retract it again, either, though he heaves another sigh.

They don’t talk for the rest of Deku’s visit after that and the silence grates at Katsuki in a way he can’t really explain the entire time.

~The Absolute Truth~

The following day, Katsuki has no visitors in the afternoon, as no one had a hole in their schedule. He doesn’t mind, though. Or at least he tries not to mind, but the lack of people and the general silence – even if he can definitely hear signs of life just outside the door to his room – eat at him in a way they never have before, just a little. He ends up switching on the TV, just to fill the quiet with some kind of noise.

He’s starting to be really sick of this place. He wants to go home. He wonders if there’s any chance the doctors will let him if he demands it. It’s difficult to tell considering his injuries are not healing on one hand, but on the other hand, it’s clear the doctors can’t do anything to make them heal anyway.

“...after the surprisingly vague statement of their hero agency, pro hero Deku kindly came forward offering not only a statement, but a press conference where he’s willing to bring to light everything that he knows.”

Katsuki’s head snaps up, the blond being torn from his thoughts at the words he hears, wide eyes staring at the TV. Deku looks back at him from the screen, palms loosely holding the sides of the wooden podium he stands behind as he leans forward a little, facing the press rather than shying away from them. His look is almost challenging. Katsuki bites his lip a bit. Deku clearly has a plan and he has prepared well for it. The nerd is usually camera shy and stumbles over his words during impromptu interviews. But in cases where he actually knows in advance, like this one, he’s calm and confident like a hero should be because he’s prepared. So yes, Katsuki knows Deku has a plan and he trusts him. However, that doesn’t mean he likes the idea of anyone discussing this shit, even if he understands it has to be dealt with.

Maybe it’s best if he changes channels…

“Hello and thank you for having me. It’s my pleasure to be here. I’m hoping with this, we can put the entire issue to rest and calm any and all anxieties people may have considering the supposed truths that came to light recently,” Deku’s voice makes him pause and Katsuki looks up again with a frown. ‘Supposed’ truths? What the fuck does the idiot mean? There’s… there’s no ‘supposed truth’ that came out as much as Katsuki hates to admit it. What is the nerd playing at?

“’Supposed truths’? Hero Deku, are you implying the video that went viral several days ago does not reveal the truth, despite the fact that these villains are known to look only for that?” one of the reporters asks immediately and Deku nods a little, his expression serious.

“While I cannot deny everything that was said in it, I can indeed assure you that part of that video was not true at all and contained nothing but lies. Fabrication. My assumption is that the two villains knew their reputation would not make people question them and that they could get away with mixing lies with the truth.”

For a moment, the media is utterly silent, digesting the information and likely trying to guess which part of said video is a lie. Katsuki knows exactly which part, but he doesn’t understand why Deku would start this conference like that. What is his game? What is he playing at? How does he plan to get the media to get off Katsuki’s back with this? Surely he doesn’t just plan on simply stating the truth and be done with it? That will only make things worse and even Katsuki knows that. His hands fist in the bed sheets. The idea to change channels and not watch this press conference doesn’t cross his mind again.

“Hero Deku! We have all seen Ground Zero’s rather violent behavior during his years at UA, particularly during the first sports festival. Has he been any different in his younger years?”

“Ground Zero has always been a hot-tempered firework, if that’s what you’re asking. It hasn’t changed from his younger years to UA or from UA to now and I’m sure everyone here knows that better than I could ever explain it,” Deku counters and it actually pulls laughs from several people on the scene. The hero remains calm and composed, however, as he moves on. “As for his ‘violent’ behavior,” he raises his hands in the ‘quote-unquote’ gesture as he says ‘violent’, “I urge you to remember Ground Zero’s quirk. Explosion is powerful, flashy and clearly very well suited to hero work. However, it is also a very dangerous quirk that can easily destroy, potentially even kill. Ground Zero knew that better than anyone and has always worked hard to control that quirk. At the same time, control alone would never be enough. He needed to know his limits, how far he could go, so he would know how to regulate the output depending on any given situation. All of that demands a lot of training to get a full grasp on and with a quirk like Ground Zero’s, combat just happens to be best suited to train.”

Katsuki can only stare, wide-eyed at the screen at Deku’s words. He can’t really believe what he’s hearing. He knows exactly what Deku is doing there. The nerd’s not lying. All he said was the truth. The only thing he didn’t say was the lie that all of that has been the reason Katsuki has acted the way he has when he was younger. It wasn’t and Katsuki knows that, but the way Deku hands out information to the media right now sure makes it look like it was without him actually having to utter a single lie. He’s basically manipulating the media, and likely anyone watching, into painting a picture of Ground Zero in their mind that directly contradicts the image the villain’s video has given them. And he’s doing that with nothing but pure facts, with no obvious personal involvement in the answer, making it more likely that what he says will make people question the villains, maybe even believe him over them.

“Are you implying Ground Zero’s behavior only started at UA? That he hasn’t, in fact, been anything like that when younger? Does that mean the lie you mentioned was about the bullying in the first place?”

“As I said, Ground Zero has always worked hard to control his quirk. That hasn’t just started at UA, but long before that. UA is just where he had the chance to properly thrive and be guided. I am not denying the accusation the villains made. I wish I could, but I cannot. However, I also firmly believed that he never did any of that with actual ill intent.”

“What do you mean by that? Can you elaborate?”

Deku does not need to be asked twice. In fact, he almost seems to pounce on the opportunity as though he’s been waiting for it. Katsuki is pretty sure he has.

“Ground Zero has always been praised for his quirk as a child. He has been made out to be better than those around him. To the point that even when he did something wrong, his behavior was not corrected. And I am not saying that to dismiss his fault in the matter,” Deku’s voice rises as the reporters try to yell question at him, not allowing them to interrupt. “However, the fact remains that Ground Zero’s bullying started as a child, when he did not know any better. I believe in such situations, it is the responsibility of the adults to educate the children and correct their behavior. In Ground Zero’s case, those same adults failed in that responsibility. This does not make Ground Zero’s actions alright, by any means. But in my opinion, the fault does not solely lie with him, either.”

“What about the classmate he bullied? Are you saying that just because the fault does not solely lie with Ground Zero, he should be forgiven by his victim just like that?”

“I believe he should be forgiven if he apologized and attempted to make up for his mistakes. If he legitimately understood that what he did was wrong and if he made steps to better himself, as well as did whatever necessary to make it up to the one he bullied, he should be forgiven. To my knowledge, that is exactly what happened. So yes, I believe Ground Zero has earned that forgiveness.”

Deku is looking straight at the camera as he says that. He almost looks like he might be addressing someone, though Katsuki isn’t sure if he’s the one Deku is talking to, or maybe if he pretends to talk to the bullying victim – namely himself. The blonde swallows heavily, hands fisting tighter in the sheets. He’s starting to see Deku’s game here. He’s telling the truth, but he’s weaving it in such a way that it lessens the blow to Katsuki’s reputation, at least a little, while also diverting attention from what Katsuki did to Deku’s opinion of it. It’s not a bad strategy, but in all honesty, Katsuki isn’t sure if it’ll help all that much. It’s just as likely to backfire and drag Deku down into the same PR Hell Katsuki has been thrown into.

“Hero Deku, are you trying to insinuate that the quirkless individual should put the past aside and simply forget and forgive?”

“If Ground Zero took the necessary steps to make it up to him – which I know he did – then yes, I believe the issue should be put to rest already. It’s been years. They were both kids who still had a lot to learn. And the fault does not lie with Ground Zero, or the quirkless boy, any more than it lies with the adults who failed to educate them or society at large, which considers quirks – something we can’t control whether or not we have or what they are like – to determine someone’s worth,” Deku says with a shrug. The media erupt in an understandable uproar over the words, over the blatant criticism of society as a whole that Deku delivered.

He’s right, Katsuki supposes. The fault does lie with pretty much society at large, at least in part. If society wasn’t so focused on quirks, if there wasn’t so much quirk discrimination, Katsuki would never have been praised and put on a pedestal just for his cool quirk. If he hadn’t been put on a pedestal, he wouldn’t have developed as much of an ego and wouldn’t have thought himself better than anyone. He might not have considered Deku to be a pebble by the side of the road. He might not have felt as insulted and looked down on as he had when Deku has just tried to be his friend. It didn’t mean he is guilt-free, because he isn’t and he knows that, but it does mean that he’s not the only one to blame. Deku never did anything to stand up for himself, either. He would stand up for other people Katsuki might have raised his fists and quirk to, but he never did anything to save himself. He never told the teachers or anyone else, really. That might have been because he knew no one would even listen to him, that no one would do anything, but just like in Katsuki’s case, that made the fault as much his own for not speaking up as the adults’ for making him think it wouldn’t change anything of he did.

“Hero Deku, you are speaking as if you know the quirkless individual personally. Is that the case? Do you still keep contact with this classmate of yours? Do you maybe work with him, as you are employed in the same agency?” One reporter finally manages to ask over the cacophony of voices. Deku raises a hand and surprisingly, the media quiets down enough that his answer can actually be heard.

“Indeed, I know him. And yes, I know what became of him. However, as the PR team of our agency has certainly already told you, that person does not work in our agency’s support department. That was the lie in the villains’ video I was alluding to,” Deku replies. Katsuki’s eyes widen and he raises a shaking hand to clutch at the hospital gown he’s wearing, feeling his chest constrict painfully. What… what is the idiot doing? Why reveal that? For whatever reason, the villains have covered his ass, have actually kept the secret of One for All. It probably wasn’t the best of news, because they knew about it in the first place, but it was better than it could have been. So why? Why does Deku bring it up?

Katsuki has a sinking feeling that he knows. But he prays he’s wrong anyway. Because Deku… Deku can’t be planning on revealing the truth about his own quirk… can he?

“In that case, what has become of him? Who is he?”

“I believe that is sensitive, personal information that Hero Deku is not allowed to make public. If the person in question wishes to come forward, it is their choice to do so,” someone from the agency’s PR team cuts in from somewhere off-screen. Deku glances briefly in his direction, but Katsuki can’t decipher the look on his face in that brief instance before he looks back to the cameras and the media, his usual smile firmly in place. He doesn’t comment, neither denying what the PR-person said, nor agreeing with him. Katsuki swallows.

Of course, the media, being the vultures they are, try to argue their point and get Deku to confess. But the greenette stays silent throughout, likely pretends he can’t fully understand any of the questions thrown at him in the chaos. It was something both of them learned to do when things got too hectic or when they wanted to avoid certain questions without being obvious about it. Finally, however, a question rises above the commotion that even Katsuki can hear from the TV.

“Hero Deku, considering all that you told us, if the person you spoke of or their parents were in the audience right now, what would you say to them?” one of the reporters manages to yell above the others. Katsuki’s breath catches in his throat, not so much at the question as it does at the grin on Deku’s face, at the satisfaction hidden deep in his eyes. It’s like he’s been waiting for this moment, this question, or one that resembles it. Katsuki’s heart is hammering in his chest as he stares at the TV, unable to look away.

“What the fuck are you doing, you goddamn idiot? What the Hell do you plan on fucking doing?” Katsuki all but whispers to himself, despite already suspecting the answer. He’s shaking all over, trembling as if he was cold, but for once, he can’t be bothered to notice.

“Well…” Deku trails off, expression sheepish as he rubs at the back of his neck, confident façade put aside, either without meaning to or for added effect, Katsuki isn’t sure. “I cannot tell you what I would say to the boy in question. It’s a little hard to guess,” he laughs a little awkwardly before leaning forward again, arms braced against the podium desk. He has a smile on his face, but this one looks a little guilty, a little sad. “But if the mother of that boy was watching, I would tell her that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you any of this before. I just didn’t want you to worry about me. And I would ask you to please not hold it against Kacchan, to not be angry with him. Because we both already moved past that and there’s no reason to dredge it up again.”

Katsuki chokes on air.

The conference room is perfectly silent for all of five seconds before near-literal pandemonium breaks out on the TV screen, reporters yelling over each other as they try to ask questions, to make Deku explain what he means even though it should actually be obvious. Katsuki feels like the air has been knocked out of him and his eyes burn just a little.

“Hero Deku! Hero Deku, are you implying you are the boy in question?” A reporter finally manages to yell loud enough. Deku nods without hesitation. More questions follow, pointing out how he’s not quirkless, how that makes no sense. Deku only smiles and answers them all. He admits to having been diagnosed quirkless as a child. He admits that his quirk has been given to him by a mentor, though he asks for the public’s understanding in his desire to keep who said mentor was a secret. One of the reporters seems unconvinced, but Deku reminding him of All for One and how Ragdoll lost her quirk years ago, and asking why it is so odd that there is a quirk that can be given to someone if there is also one that can take other people’s quirks, is more than enough to shut him up. Still, the conference is pretty much chaos at this point and doesn’t calm down.

Katsuki barely registers it, though he still stares at the TV screen, shaking, one hand covering his mouth while the other still fists his hospital gown. He’s sobbing a little, a few tears escaping his burning eyes. Why? Why did Deku do that? Why go to such lengths?

Katsuki knows exactly what Deku has just done. He understands his plan. The other hero has stated only the truth, but has done so in a way that both softened the blow to Katsuki’s hero reputation and diverted attention at least slightly to what he thought of Katsuki’s actions, rather than the actions themselves. He has basically controlled the entire conversation, lead the media around and when they’ve asked the kind of question he’s been waiting for, he threw them a bone. And like dogs that couldn’t say no to a new treat, the media pounced on his admission.

Ground Zero and what the villains’ video revealed about him seem to have been completely forgotten by the media as they hound Deku about the truth of his quirk instead. The other hero is now the center of their attention and was likely going to stay that way for weeks. Just as he wants. He has planned the entire thing just to try and mitigate the damage the reveal of his and Katsuki’s past would have done to Ground Zero’s reputation otherwise. He’s lessened the repercussions and then has ensured the topic would be dropped in favor of a new, bigger, more sensational news all in one fell swoop.

Katsuki lets out another small sob, curling in on himself a little bit, unsure of how he actually feels. A part of him is relieved, because there’s a chance the media will actually get off his back, distracted by something else, something that seems so much bigger. Another part of him feels kind of touched, not that he’d ever admit it to anyone. Because he knows Deku is doing this for him. He doesn’t have to. He could leave Katsuki to the vultures and hyenas that the media reporters were, could wash his hands clean of the entire thing and leave the blonde to deal with this on his own. But he has chosen not to.

The biggest part of Katsuki, however, feels extremely guilty. Because Deku shouldn’t have had to do that. He shouldn’t have had to reveal his own biggest secret to the world, after even the villains kept quiet about it by some miracle (though Katsuki knows they probably have an ulterior motive for that, which can’t be good). He shouldn’t have had to offer himself on a silver platter to the media and their scrutiny like that just to save Katsuki’s ass from repercussions of something that was his own goddamn fault.

“Hero Deku, please, one last question before you go!”

“Alright, but it is truly the last one. I apologize, but I cannot stay much longer.”

“What is your relationship with Ground Zero?”

Katsuki is torn from his spiraling thoughts and looks up at the TV again. He’s tuned out the entire second half of the press conference, but that question makes his attention snap right back to the screen, his entire body freezing and locking up. His thoughts race, trying to figure out why anyone would ask that question. Maybe it was because of their history together coming out? That could be it, right?

Katsuki can hope, but he’s no fool. He knows the reason is different.

“Ground Zero, what do you feel for Hero Deku now?”

I FUCKING LOVE HIM

“Ah man, wait ‘till our viewers get a load o’ this!”

“You recorded it.”

“Ya bet yer ass I did.”

Katsuki has tried to think as little about that fact as possible, but he’s aware the villains recorded that particular question and its answer. That they made it a part of their damn reveal-video. And that Deku has watched it and likely knew everything even if the damn nerd never said shit about it. And now he is likely being asked what that meant for their relationship and… fuck, Katsuki should have talked to him about this sooner, he doesn’t want to find out what Deku’s thinking like this. Why didn’t Deku fucking say anything?

“My… relationship with him?” the green-clad hero sounds thoroughly confused. “Why would you be asking about that?”

“In light of what the video revealed about Ground Zero’s current…”

“If this is about the question of Ground Zero’s feelings for me,” Deku interrupts, his voice suddenly cold. Katsuki gulps at his severe expression, grip tightening on the clothes he’s forced to wear. “I cannot answer it. Nor would I give any comment even if I could. Whatever is between Ground Zero and myself, it is between Ground Zero and myself. I would hope you’d respect our privacy on this matter.”

“What do you mean you cannot answer the question, hero Deku?” another brave reporter dares to ask. Deku actually responds with a mild glare. Katsuki isn’t really surprised. Neither of them really enjoy how nosy the media can be when it came to personal stuff like this. But this one time, Katsuki is grateful for that nosiness. Because it means he won’t have to ask a similar question once Deku gets here.

“I mean,” Deku’s voice is positively frigid at this point, “exactly what I said. I cannot answer. Because whatever feelings Ground Zero has towards me, I think he deserves to tell me in person. Just like I deserve to hear it from him. Not from a video which may or may not contain more lies. And even assuming the answer given there was the truth, it should not be torn out of Ground Zero’s throat against his will. That’s all.” Deku ignores any further questions yelled at him and strides out of the room, leaving utter chaos in his wake. Katsuki can only stare at the TV screen, hands lying limply in his lap and his mind reeling.

Deku didn’t know.

Deku didn’t know.

He has had a prime chance to find out the truth and he has not taken it because he believes he’s better off hearing it from Katsuki himself.

And it makes sense. Deku has always been like that. Katsuki should have expected it, but he’s still caught off guard by the fact that Deku doesn’t know even though Katsuki has been so certain that he does.

Deku’s kind-of expectant look from the previous day suddenly makes more sense. He doesn’t know the answer to the question of what Katsuki’s feelings are. But he knows the question has been asked, knows the answer is one of the wounds somewhere on Katsuki’s body. He knows he’s one of the people Katsuki has something to tell and he has tried to make that obvious, has tried to give Katsuki a chance to at least admit as much, if not say what he has to say if he wants to heal. But Katsuki hasn’t said a word.

From Deku’s perspective, did that look like Katsuki didn’t even want to admit or acknowledge that the nerd was someone he has something to say to?

Katsuki hopes not. Especially not after that press conference where Deku laid everything out on the table to save his ass. The blonde bites his lower lip hard and closes his eyes. Behind the darkness of his eyelids, he can see Deku with that somewhat expectant look on his face, as if asking him without words: ‘what are your feelings for me?’

‘I love you,’ Katsuki thinks, both hands rising to his chest to clutch at the fabric of the hospital gown.

‘Why won’t you tell me?’ the vision of Deku in his mind looks at him, expression turning judging and he curls up a bit, a soft sob escaping him even as his chest fills with warmth. Because how can he possibly say it? How can he admit it without destroying everything they’ve worked so hard to rebuild between them? How can he say it when he knows there’s no way Deku would ever love him back?

‘I’m sorry… I love you,’ Katsuki can admit it in his thoughts, but the words won’t leave his throat even in the emptiness of the hospital room. Let alone when faced with the one person who needs to hear them most.

‘What is it you feel for me?!’ Those expressive green eyes seem to yell at him and Katsuki flinches. ‘Tell me!’

But he can’t. He can’t tell him. He can’t risk it, doesn’t want to risk losing the relationship they’ve built, the friendship they’ve only barely salvaged.

‘I fucking love you!’

He knows that is the truth and he hates it. He hates that he feels that way, he hates that he can’t say it, he hates that he will probably have to so he can heal and live unless the goddamn villain was lying, he hates that there’s no way Deku can ever feel the same and he hates that he has to choose between hurting him because he stays silent and dies or hurting him because he tells him the truth and destroys whatever friendship they’ve managed to recreate from the ashes.

Pain blooms in his chest, as much in his heart as it does on his skin and Katsuki curls in on himself, gasping and sobbing, a scream lodged in his throat but never leaving it. Tears slip out of his eyes, which are squeezed shut tightly from the agony, and his hands fist as tight as they can in his hospital gown, nearly clawing at his bandaged chest. He feels hot, like his skin is on fire, and yet a cold shiver runs down his spine and makes him shake like a leaf, lungs burning as they try and fail to get some very much needed oxygen.

He chokes on nothing and starts coughing viciously, forehead resting against his drawn up knees. He feels like he’s being torn apart, like his skin is being shredded by who knows what. It hurts like hell and he can’t do shit about it. He just wants it to stop. He doesn’t want to hurt anymore. He can’t… he can’t take it anymore.

‘Someone, please… Just make it stop…’

~The Absolute Truth~

He doesn’t realize he passed out until he wakes up again, though he feels more exhausted than before. The TV is turned off and the curtains are drawn, but even if they weren’t, he can tell that it’s already late evening. Visiting hours are probably over, or at least they will be soon. The room is dim, bordering on dark since the lights are out. Katsuki is alone.

Has Deku been here while he’s been out? Or has he not come at all today, too busy or too tired after work?

Katsuki doesn’t know. What he does know is that the dimness of the hospital room and the silence bother him. He doesn’t want to lie around in the semi-dark. He doesn’t want to sit in a room without sound outside of the one he makes himself.

He doesn’t want to be alone.

Katsuki sits up slowly, pain flaring in his entire torso at the movement despite the painkillers he’s pretty sure he’s on. He flinches and hisses, but manages to reach the remote for his bed and presses the button that lifts the mattress into a more seated position before he falls back against the pillows. Mission accomplished, he’s not lying down anymore. Now he’s sitting up. But the room is still dim and silent and he’s still alone. That doesn’t change.

He doesn’t want to be alone.

Solitude has never bothered him before. He’s never minded silence, either. In fact, he’s the antisocial type who prefers to be alone, rather than surrounded by people all the time.

But right now, he doesn’t want to be alone.

He can’t really do shit about that, however. The most he can do is to pretend he needs something and buzz a nurse, but he doesn’t want to bother them. They have better things to do than just keep him company and he shouldn’t distract them from their work. Hell, he gets pissed off himself when people stop him on patrols and shit without a good-ass reason, he’s not about do the same fucking thing he always complains about.

This doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want to be alone, though.

His hands are trembling again, he notices. Katsuki scowls and clenches his fists, trying to get tension into his limbs, but the shaking doesn’t stop this time. He curses under his breath, angry at the way his body disobeys him. It makes him look weak. Like he’s not alright beyond the physical injuries. But he is alright. He has to be. He’s a hero. He’s seen worse shit. He should be fine. He is fucking fine.

He just doesn’t want to be alone.

The door opens slowly and Katsuki jerks his head up to see who’s there. Deku stands in the door, blinking a little before he gives a weak smile. It’s not the smile he has in combat, or when reassuring civilians, but it’s not the smile he has on when he’s really happy, either. It’s somewhere in-between and it doesn’t reach his eyes. Katsuki swallows and looks away, unable to look at that expression on Deku’s face.

“You’re awake,” Deku says quietly, relief obvious in his tone as he approaches and sits in the same chair as he always does. Katsuki doesn’t give it a thought as he reaches out to grasp his hand, clutching it tightly, though he still doesn’t look up. Just like always, Deku doesn’t comment, merely squeezes back his hand in silent reassurance. Katsuki feels like he can breathe easier, if only just a little. “I was talking with the doctors. You… got worse again. They had to take out the old stiches and then patch you up again since… since your skin tore instead of the stitches busting,” the green-haired man tells him, thumb gently running across Katsuki’s knuckles in a soothing gesture. The blonde grits his teeth and tries to lock his muscles in place, feeling the tremor he can’t control – though he tries anyway – get worse. It only helps minutely, but it doesn’t stop the trembling entirely. “Kacchan,” Deku squeezes his hand again. There’s a soft request in his tone, a question not yet asked. Katsuki turns his head slowly to meet his gaze. “What happened?”

Bakugou Katsuki is not a coward. He’s not and he’ll fight anyone who dares say otherwise.

But despite that, in that moment, his gaze falls to the mattress, to their joined hands and he avoids the question.

“Why did you do that?” he asks quietly instead without looking up. When Deku doesn’t immediately answer, or even ask what he means, he bites his lip but pushes on. “With the press conference. Why the fuck would you do that?”

“You mean… revealing I used to be quirkless? That my quirk was passed on to me?” Deku asks after a moment of silence. Katsuki nods, still refusing to look up and meet the other man’s gaze.

“You didn’t have to. You shouldn’t have had to. Why the Hell did you?” Even the villains have kept their goddamn mouths shut. For whatever reason. Why has Deku decided to not do the same? Why has he outed himself on fucking national television?

“It got the media to focus on something else. It’ll probably stay that way for a longer while, too, with how sensational that news is. It got them off your back,” Deku says and Katsuki’s gaze snaps to him just in time to see the other man shrug, as if unconcerned. Katsuki feels something twist painfully in his chest even as his heart swells. Deku did that for him. To help him. But he shouldn’t have fucking had to. He shouldn’t have done it at all. He should have just left Katsuki to deal with his own mess! He should have… “Besides, it was the safest option. It can’t be blackmail material hanging over my head if the public at large already knows.”

Katsuki’s breathing stops and his hand tightens on Deku’s as his eyes widen. For a moment, he can only stare and when he actually speaks, his voice is strangled, as if he’d had the air punched straight out of his lungs.

“B-black… mail?”

“Yeah,” Deku says slowly with a nod, giving him a concerned look. “When I was questioning Serum, he mentioned something about keeping a watch on me. About how he would reveal my secret if I ever, and I quote, ‘strayed from the right path’,” he explains with another shrug and an easy smile. This one is more real. And a whole lot more reassuring. “He can’t really reveal a secret if there’s no secret to speak of, though, right?”

“Yeah, but…” Katsuki’s voice is quiet and he looks down again. This is his fault. If only he hadn’t been so weak. If he had been able to keep the secret a secret. If he had fought just a little harder against that goddamn, shitty quirk… but he hasn’t and now it’s too late. Now the secret is out. Now, everyone knows. Because Deku revealed it on national television. Because he has been forced into a situation in which he had to reveal it on national television.

“Kacchan?” the green-haired man says quietly, voice inquiring as he looks him over with a worried gaze. Katsuki’s hold on his hand tightens a little more and he feels his shaking get worse again. He bites his lip.

“’M sorry,” he says quietly, unable to meet Deku’s eyes. “I… I should have been fucking stronger… resisted the shitty quirk… something. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Deku replies immediately, tone soft as he squeezes Katsuki’s hand back. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. So everyone knows my quirk can be passed on to others. Big deal. It’s not like any villains can do anything with that knowledge except maybe try to take it. Or make me give it to them. But that won’t ever happen, because they won’t get their hands on me. Not when I have you and everyone else watching my back,” he says it with such utmost conviction and trust… not that he’s wrong, Katsuki would always watch his back. Any fucker who wanted to lay a hand on Deku would have to go through him first. Him and everyone else from their class. But still. Still…

Deku moves from the chair, sitting down on the bed instead, right next to Katsuki who sits up a bit straighter at the movement. The greenette rests his free arm on the mattress behind the blonde, body language open and inviting as if he knew exactly what Katsuki needed even though the red-eyed man hasn’t said a word. Katsuki swallows, but takes the silent invitation, slumping against Deku’s chest like he had the first day right after waking up. Deku’s arm curls around his shoulders carefully, keeping him upright.

“I mean it, Kacchan. It’s really ok. Don’t feel bad about it,” Deku says softly and Katsuki nods, though he’s not convinced. It doesn’t seem ok to him at all. “I thought long and hard about it, you know. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision.”

“I know,” Katsuki replies. And he does know. Deku is the kind of person to overthink stuff, after all. He wouldn’t have done this if he wasn’t absolutely certain it was the best decision, the best thing to do. But that doesn’t mean Katsuki doesn’t still feel guilty or that he has to like it.

His hold on Deku’s hand is like a vice grip at this point, but the green-haired man doesn’t complain about it. They don’t say anything for a while, just sitting there in silence, Katsuki resting against Deku and silently taking comfort in his presence, in knowing he’s there. The contact is grounding in a way. The quiet doesn’t seem so oppressing with someone else by his side, even if he’s still unnerved by it. At some point, Deku tilts his head so his cheek can lean against Katsuki’s head, which the blonde rests against Deku’s shoulder.

“I…” Katsuki says after a longer moment, voice quiet before he trails off. Deku hums lightly, a wordless encouragement for him to keep going. Katsuki closes his eyes. “I wanna go home.”

Deku tenses slightly beside him and Katsuki swallows, but doesn’t open his eyes. He’s tired.

“I understand. But Kacchan, your injuries…” Deku starts, but Katsuki interrupts him softly. He knows what the nerd is about to say, knows he has a point, knows that from a medical viewpoint it would definitely be better if he stayed in the hospital still. But he doesn’t want to. He’s tired of the white walls. Tired of the sterile environment. Tired of the silence and the dark and quiet nights where sleep won’t come. Tired of being alone in a room that wasn’t really his.

“I wanna go home.”

Deku hesitates for a moment, but ultimately sighs, his grip around Katsuki’s shoulders tightening fractionally.

“Alright. I’ll talk to the doctors, then.”

~The Absolute Truth~

It takes some (a lot) of convincing, but ultimately, Katsuki can’t be held in the hospital against his will no matter how bad his health might be. And so two days later, he’s finally back in his and Deku’s apartment, his house mate pushing his wheelchair through the threshold. That was one thing Deku has refused to budge on. Katsuki has tried to insist he can fucking walk on his own at first, but has quickly been forced to cave when an attempt to prove that only gave the opposite results, since he could barely sit up on his own, let alone stand or walk.

Katsuki meant what he said, though. He just wants to go home. If he has to deal with a wheelchair to get that, he’ll swallow his pride and take it.

Deku stays home with him, having taken time off from work. Katsuki has yelled at him for it at first, has told him he was fine and could take care of himself, that Deku shouldn’t put his work on the backburner for this when he fucking hasn’t before. But the greenette has just shrugged the yelling off and has told him he needs a break anyway. Plus, it gives him a good opportunity to avoid the media until the storm calms down a little again.

Katsuki has nothing to say to that, so he has to accept it. Though a part of him doesn’t mind Deku staying with him. Being home feels good, but not being alone there feels even better.

The first few nights in his own bed, Katsuki actually sleeps dreamlessly, exhaustion and his body’s attempts at recovery pulling him under easily enough. But it doesn’t last. Mere days after he came back, he wakes up drenched in sweat, heart racing and injuries burning, Serum’s voice asking questions still ringing in his ears and the cold of the basement prickling at his skin despite the covers he’s wrapped in. The nightmares leave him shaking and gasping for breath, eyes burning as terror that has no right to grip his heart steals his voice and swallows any scream he might have wanted to let out.

He hates it. Hates how weak he is. Hates that his mind refuses to move the fuck on like it should. He is a hero. He’s seen worse shit than this. He should be fucking over it already.

But he’s not and it pisses him off. It pisses him off even more that sometimes, after a particularly bad dream, he has to fight the urge to call out for Deku. He hates that he wants so much for the nerd to be there with him, to hold his hand, as if he was a stupid little brat. Or even better, to hug him and hold him close.

The anger never lasts long, though. Because Katsuki is just too tired and wrung out to stay angry.

Deku notices his moods, because of course he does. He seems to know about the dreams as well, or at least that Katsuki doesn’t sleep as much as he should (or as he’d like). Not that that’s hard to figure out with the dark circles under his eyes. He tries to get Katsuki to open up to him, to at least talk. He says he wants to help if he can. But Katsuki doesn’t need his help. He can’t need his help. He has to be fine. He’s a hero. He should be able to deal with this. To get over it.

It’s not just the two of them all the time. Just like at the hospital, their former classmates come by on occasion. Shitty Hair in particular tries to come by at least three times a week. Deku has the tendency to leave them alone to talk when he does for at least an hour. And they do talk, about various things. Mostly about work, a little about their private lives at times. Shitty Hair mentions trying to ask Raccoon Eyes out once or twice, but he has yet to actually act on it. The villain video, however, or anything that might have been said in it, never comes up. And whenever Shitty Hair leaves, Deku has an odd, disappointed look in his eyes, similar to that one time at the hospital, that makes something twist in Katsuki’s gut.

His parents visit regularly as well, though they’re clearly under the impression that he’s really getting better, since he’s been discharged from the hospital. Katsuki doesn’t correct them, unwilling to show how not ok he is because he doesn’t want them to know how much of a wimpy weakling he’s being. Nor does he want them to worry any more than they already have. He makes sure Deku keeps his mouth shut on the topic as well.

Auntie Inko comes by once, too. Only once. And after the disaster that turns into, Katsuki doubts she’ll come by again.

It doesn’t seem like anything will go wrong at first. Auntie Inko is all smiles and laughs as always, polite and ready to help with whatever she can. But when she looks at Katsuki, there’s a certain coldness to her eyes that hasn’t been there before. There’s a certain distance to how she acts around him, how she addresses him. One hour into her visit and Deku can’t stand the obvious tension in the room any more.

“Mom, is something the matter?” he asks her, hands twisting in his lap in a nervous habit that Katsuki doesn’t see outside of their apartment or their parents’ houses when they visit. Auntie Inko blinks and shakes her head, but her smile is slightly strained.

“Oh, no, of course not, Izuku, dear. Everything is fine,” she says, waving her hand a little as if to wave away his worries. But her eyes cut to Katsuki briefly before she looks away in a way that makes him think there’s definitely something wrong. And that it has to do with him.

“Are you sure?” Deku clearly isn’t any more convinced than Katsuki is. It’s obvious in the inquisitive look he gives auntie Inko, in the way he doesn’t let the subject drop. Deku’s mother nods, strained smile still in place.

“Of course I’m sure,” she says and Deku doesn’t pry after that, but it’s clear he still doesn’t buy it. Conversation is a bit stilted after that. Eventually, Deku stands up, finding some excuse to leave for a moment, shooting looks at his mother and Katsuki. The blonde recognizes when he’s being left alone on purpose. Deku does that enough with Shitty Hair, after all. But unlike Shitty Hair, who’s usually a bit confused when that happens, auntie Inko just nods, as if she was expecting it. Was maybe even waiting for it.

The moment they’re alone, Katsuki wishes he could leave. As strong as his arms are, however, they’re not enough to move the wheels of the wheelchair he’s stuck in. He’d need to use the muscles in his torso to properly be able to move around on his own and his non-healing injuries prevent that. As much as he hates it, he’s dependent on someone else (mostly Deku) pushing the cursed chair around. So he’s stuck, unable to leave.

“Katsuki-kun,” auntie Inko’s voice calls for his attention and he looks up at her. She’s still as plump as she was when he and Deku were both teenagers and she has a few more stress lines on her face. A few strands of grey hair peak out from between the green. But other than that, and the sad, somewhat distant look she gives him, she hasn’t changed. Katsuki swallows, his heartrate picking up as something coils and twists painfully in his stomach. He tenses, limbs locking into place as he meets her gaze.

“Yeah?” His voice is quiet and a bit hoarse, as if he’s been shouting. He hasn’t been though. In fact, he hasn’t raised his voice at anyone while awake since he came home.

“Isn’t there something you want to talk to me about? Something you should tell me?” auntie Inko’s voice is calm, but heavy with expectation. Expectation Katsuki doesn’t feel like he can meet. He knows what she’s talking about, what she’s asking, but… but how can he possibly tell her? What is he even supposed to tell her? She already knows everything, most likely. She doesn’t need him to spell it out to her when she already knows. And he can’t ask her to forgive him. Deku might have forgiven him, but Katsuki doubts auntie Inko will. And even assuming she might, he doesn’t really have the right to ask that of her. He looks down at his lap, unable to meet her eyes.

“I…” he trails off, unable to finish. Unsure what he was even going to say. What he can say. Nothing seemed right. Nothing seemed good enough. Auntie Inko stays quiet for a short moment, but when he doesn’t speak up, she sighs.

“You’re a smart, young man, Katsuki-kun. I don’t need to spell out to you what I mean, do I? Please, talk to me,” she says. Her voice is soft, not at all demanding or angry. But it is sad. Disappointed. Katsuki’s already tense muscles clench more as his breathing hitches. He feels like a spring that’s been coiled too tight and is ready to snap. She is right, there is something he has to say to her. But what’s the point? His words won’t mean anything. Not when she already knows the truth anyway. He wishes she didn’t. Maybe then it would be easier. Or maybe he wouldn’t have ever told her, would have kept the secret forever like he had before a goddamn quirk revealed it all.

She does know, though. She knows, but she wants to hear it from him anyway. He knows she does and she has the right to ask this of him, she deserves to hear it from him just like Deku deserves to hear the truth of his feelings. Only she knows and Deku doesn’t and Katsuki can’t get the words out of his throat anyway.

“Katsuki-kun?” auntie Inko sounds concerned. He’s not sure why. She has no reason to. She should be angry. She should be yelling at him and hate him because she’s Deku mother and Katsuki has hurt him so so much and Deku might have forgiven him but he never really should have he should hate him and auntie Inko should as well she probably does but he doesn’t want them to hate him he doesn’t he doesn’t he can’t stand the thought of Deku or auntie hating him but auntie has every reason to hate him now and he can’t even look at her and admit to her face that she has that right or that he won’t blame her for it because he’s so weak and pathetic and utterly terrified…

“Kacchan! Kacchan, breathe,” Deku’s voice pierces through his spiraling thoughts, but it’s faint and far away. It’s only when he registers the words that Katsuki realizes that his lungs burn, that he lacks air. His chest hurts and he hasn’t realized how he’s folded in on himself in his wheelchair. He tries to draw in a breath, but his throat is tight and it doesn’t feel like he can inhale at all.

“D-Deku…” the name barely leaves Katsuki’s throat as his hands grab onto the other man, holding onto him as he shakes and stares ahead, not really seeing anything. He can’t breathe. He needs air, but he can’t breathe.

“It’s ok. Calm down. Breathe, Kacchan. Just breathe with me. Just breathe,” Deku tells him, breathing in long, slow breaths. Katsuki tries to match him, despite feeling like he’s suffocating and little by little, air returns to his lungs. “That’s it. Just breathe. It’s ok.” Deku’s voice is soothing, a balm on Katsuki’s breaking mind. His breathing calms slowly until he finally feels like he’s in control of his body. Exhaustion weights at him, but he ignores it and raises shaking hands to grip Deku’s clothes, clinging to him as he leans forward to rest his forehead on his shoulder.

“Deku…” he chokes out, voice wrecked as he starts to sob, shame washing over him as tears escape his eyes. He shouldn’t be like this. He should be ok. He’s supposed to be alright and fine and over it because he’s a hero and he’s seen worse. But he’s not. He’s not fine at all and he can’t deny that to himself anymore as his shaking intensifies and he feels himself fall apart at the seams. Deku is the only thing that keeps him in the here and now, keeps him anchored, grounded, and he clings to him for all he’s worth.

“It’s ok. It’s ok, Kacchan. I’m here. You’re alright,” Deku murmurs softly, carefully wrapping an arm around Katsuki’s trembling back and pulling him closer. The blond follows the movement, knees hitting the floor as he falls out of his wheelchair and desperately clings tighter to Deku, sobbing openly and gasping for breath as he cries. Deku holds him through it, one hand rubbing at his back and the other patting his hair in a familiar, soothing motion. “It’s alright, Kacchan. Everything will be alright,” his house mate tells him soothingly and Katsuki does his best to believe him, no matter how hard it is.

He doesn’t calm down any time soon, however. In fact, for the first time in his life, Katsuki cries until his body gives out and unconsciousness claims him.

~The Absolute Truth~

His nightmares get worse. There’s barely a night when he doesn’t wake up trembling and drenched in sweat, wishing above anything else for someone to be there next to him yet not daring to try and call out for Deku to come. And during the day, whenever Deku tries to offer him help of any kind, he rejects it. He can admit that he isn’t fine. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready to admit that he actually needs help. Or that he deserves it.

He should be fine. He should be over this. He should be strong. Because he’s a pro hero. He’s Ground Zero.

But he’s not fine. Nor is he strong. He’s weak. He’s a coward.

Deku tries to tell him he can’t expect himself to be ok after what happened. And maybe he’s right, but Katsuki just can’t see it this way. Nor can he take the helping hand the green-haired nerd offers again and again.

When his injuries begin to fester and get infected again, Katsuki fears Deku will take him back to the hospital. Especially when the antibiotics he’s been prescribed don’t seem to be doing much. But the other man only purses his lips and frowns and makes sure to contact doctors – even Recovery Girl once or twice – to make sure Katsuki’s taken care of properly and doesn’t bring up a hospital once. He respects Katsuki’s unspoken wish to stay home.

Deku takes care of his wounds, too, cleaning and redressing them diligently. His eyes never wander while he does it, though. They stay on his own hands, on what he’s doing and he swears each time that he hadn’t read a single word etched into Katsuki’s flesh. And the blonde knows he’s saying the truth. Because Deku wouldn’t ever be able to lie about that kind of shit.

With his health deteriorating, Katsuki finds himself stuck in bed once more, this time in his own room, Deku always by his side or a call away. The nerd couldn’t possibly have any vacation days left at this point, not even if one considered the possible accumulation from previous years – did their agency even do that? Didn’t they lose the unused days once the new year rolled around? – but he still doesn’t leave for work. Katsuki wishes he could say he’s chewed him out for it, told him off for being an idiot, but he hasn’t. Because deep down, he’s glad Deku stays close, that he stays with him.

“I wish you could talk to someone, Kacchan. Even if it’s not me… just open up to someone instead of torturing yourself like this.”

Deku tends to say those words late in the evening, when he leaves Katsuki’s room for the night, persuaded the blonde doesn’t hear him. But Katsuki does. And he knows exactly what Deku is talking about. He doesn’t mean simply opening up about what happened. He doesn’t mean the trauma Katsuki can no longer deny no matter how much he hates it, no matter how much he ignores it anyway.

He means the truth that is carved into his skin. The truth he supposedly needs to say to the people who matter if he is to heal. To live.

Katsuki is starting to think that maybe the villain wasn’t bluffing about that.

But the fact remains that he can’t say it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. He just can’t. The words won’t come. They get stuck in his throat and refuse to leave his throat when he tries, even if it’s in the dark emptiness of his room at night when he once again can’t sleep. Whenever he tries, his throat just closes up and his voice fails him, even though he knows he wouldn’t be saying anything the people he imagines he’s talking to don’t already know. These secrets are already all in the open. Everyone knows. But Katsuki still can’t say it.

So he doesn’t. And the wounds fester, his body growing weaker as it fights a losing battle against an infection that won’t leave him be and a fever that just won’t break.

But as weak as Bakugou fucking Katsuki can be, as much of a failure as he can be, as he feels he is… he’s not a quitter. He doesn’t intend to go down. Not without a fight.

He just doesn’t think he has the strength to fight for much longer.

~The Absolute Truth~

It’s on an evening after he spent the day delirious with fever that something in him caves. Deku usually leaves in the evening, when he thinks Katsuki fell asleep, to sleep in his own room and in his own bed next door. But despite being exhausted, sick, in pain and more miserable than Katsuki can ever remember being, he’s not asleep yet that night. And when Deku slowly stands to leave, he reaches out a weak hand to grab a hold of his. Deku freezes in place at the touch and looks back over at him, a fragile, apologetic smile on his lips.

“Stay,” Katsuki manages to croak, his voice raspy and quiet. He can barely keep his eyes open. He’s tired. But he doesn’t want Deku to leave. He doesn’t want to wake up alone again. “Please…”

Deku looks at him and blinks, but then nods and kneels back down at the bedside, smile still in place as he takes a firmer hold of Katsuki’s hand. His eyes are watery, but no tears fall.

“Of course. If that’s what you want, Kacchan,” he says, squeezing his hand. Katsuki squeezes back, eyelids falling closed.

“Don’t leave…” he mumbles, grip tightening as much as he can manage, as if he can keep Deku by his side that way. But the greenette doesn’t try to move away and instead, Katsuki feels another gentle hand in his hair.

“I won’t,” Deku assures, and somehow, that’s enough to ease his anxieties as he gives in to his body’s needs and sleeps.

He dreams of cold cells and restraining chains. Of a dark place that even the sparks of his quirk can’t lighten up or warm even the slightest bit. He dreams of his quirk being gone and of a cruel voice asking for secrets he’s not ready or willing to give up, of invisible blades and claws tearing into his skin when he refuses the answers.

He wakes with a choked scream, with tears burning in his eyes and terror clawing at his heart. For a moment, he just lies there, gasping for breath as the darkness of the room seems to press in on him, choking him.

And then there’s a gentle hand on his arm and a soft voice in front of him saying ‘Kacchan’ and making his eyes snap open again. Deku is there, still kneeling by his bedside, eyes still partly unfocused with sleep and hair tussled from how he’s likely fallen asleep half-lying on the edge of Katsuki’s bed. He’s there. He’s stayed, just like Katsuki asked, and with each passing moment he is more awake and more concerned.

“Kacchan, it’s ok. It’s ok. You’re alright,” he says gently as he leans forward, lightly putting his fingers into Katsuki’s hair again and combing through the blond locks. Katsuki’s body relaxes a bit at the touch and then he starts trembling, shaking uncontrollably, unable to make himself stop.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out, though even he isn’t sure what he’s apologizing for. Maybe for being sick. For failing to get better. Or maybe simply for waking Deku up, when the other man deserved to at least be left alone at night so he could sleep after continuing to put up with Katsuki’s bullshit for so long. “I’m sorry…” he says it again, closing his eyes against the tears. He doesn’t see Deku’s frown.

“There’s no need to apologize, Kacchan,” Deku says gently. He is quiet for a moment as Katsuki fights his tears and his terror. Then the bed dips slightly as Deku gets onto the mattress and then slides under the covers besides the blonde. Next things Katsuki knows, warm, strong arms are around him and he’s being pulled to Deku’s chest as the other man holds his trembling form. “It’s alright. You’re alright now.”

Katsuki isn’t really thinking straight at this point. Or thinking at all. For what feels like countless nights, he’s wanted for Deku to be there when he felt like this. Now he is and he’s offering Katsuki comfort. And Katsuki just doesn’t have the strength or desire to deny himself. So he wraps his arms around Deku and hugs him back. He’s not sobbing, at the very least. No more tears fall from his eyes, either. But he’s still shaking like a leaf, terror he doesn’t want to admit to still threatening him from the edges of awareness. He grips Deku tighter, using his hold, his warmth, his presence to ground himself. To remind himself that he’s fine, he’s safe, he’s not alone…

“You’ve been having nightmares for a while, haven’t you,” Deku’s voice is soft and quiet, but it’s not a question. He’s stating a fact. Katsuki doesn’t answer. “Why didn’t you say anything? Or call for me? I would have come if you’d just called.”

Katsuki doesn’t doubt it. Deku is a light sleeper. Both of them are. Having a job where you might be woken up with an emergency phone call at any time of day or night does that to you.

“Why are you here?” the blonde asks instead of answering, his tone quiet. While the soft question may make it sound like he minds, though, his tight grip around Deku and the way he presses his face into the other’s shoulder say otherwise.

“You asked me to stay,” Deku replies. As if that explains everything. As if that’s all the reason he needs. Just Katsuki asking him. The blonde swallows.

“You could have… could have gone to bed after I fell asleep. You didn’t have to fucking stay right at my bedside,” he points out. He’s not complaining, though. Far from it. “Why… why did you?”

And why does Katsuki feel like the answer to that question might make or break whatever’s left of his sanity?

Deku is quiet for a moment and as the silence stretches, Katsuki starts to believe he won’t get an answer. That’s alright though. After all, it’s not like he manages to tell Deku what he needs to tell him, either. Deku is allowed to ignore his questions.

“Because I love you,” the green-haired man all but whispers into Katsuki’s ear. The blonde freezes, red eyes snapping open and wide as saucers as his breath catches in his throat. Has Deku just… no… he has to have heard him wrong. There’s no way… “I love you, Kacchan,” Deku repeats a bit louder, as if in response to his thoughts. But that’s not all Deku has to say. “You’re like a brother to me. You’re family and I hate to see you hurt. I just… I just wish I could help you. But I can’t if you keep pushing me away.”

Katsuki is struck silent, unable to respond. Though even if he could, he wouldn’t know what to say.

Deku loved him.

Like a brother, like family, sure, but Deku loved him.

A part of him hurt at the knowledge. Because that wasn’t the kind of love he so greedily wished Deku would feel. But then again… Deku loved him. So what if it wasn’t the same kind of love as what Katsuki felt for him? It was still love. Still far more than what Katsuki thought Deku would ever feel for him. He’s thought himself lucky the nerd even saw him as a friend, let alone anything more. But he loved him.

In a way, he returned Katsuki’s feelings. Even if they weren’t quite the same… it was still more than what Katsuki has ever hoped for.

“I…” Katsuki started to say, wanting, no needing to respond, to say something back. Preferably the truth of his own feelings. Deku has come clean, so to speak. It’s only fair Katsuki does the same.

However, just like any other time he’s tried to admit something, to anyone, the words don’t come. His throat closes up and he finds himself unable to make a sound. He tries anyway, because it’s only fair and Deku deserves to hear this, but nothing comes out. He tightens his hold on the green-haired man and tries again, but his voice refuses to work despite his attempts.

His chest starts burning again, more than before, the wounds there reacting to his silence even though he tries, he tries so hard to say those goddamn words. Why can’t he? Why the fuck can’t he say it back?! He wants to scream. His body shudders and quivers, pain filling every nerve. Deku clearly notices, because his arms tighten around Katsuki’s trembling form.

“Kacchan, it’s ok. It’s fine. You don’t have to say anything back. You don’t have to tell me anything. I don’t have to know. It’s fine. I swear it’s fine,” Deku says quickly, his tone just slightly desperate. Maybe he thinks if he says he doesn’t need to know, that Katsuki doesn’t need to tell him, then the quirk will stop torturing the blonde over his silence.

That doesn’t happen of course. It would be too easy if Katsuki could get out of it like that. But while Deku’s words do nothing to ease the pain of the wounds that speak for him, they ease the lump in his throat. Katsuki gasps, and groans quietly, voice finally functional again, and he pounces on the opportunity, terrified that he won’t get another chance to say it.

“Kacchan…”

“Shut up, nerd. I… I fucking love you, too,” Katsuki manages to choke out and he feels Deku tense against him. He barely pays any attention to that, though. Because right now, it’s like some kind of dam has broken and the words he needs to say keep pouring out. Katsuki doesn’t intend to stop them. On the contrary, he intends to say them while he has the chance.

“I love you. Not like… not like a fucking brother. Not like family. Not… not that kind of love. But I love you. I want to be with you. I… I’m sorry,” he chokes, eyes burning despite the fact that the agony lessens, that the pain flaring from the wounds on his chest eases. “I’ll put a lid on it. You don’t… you don’t have to love me back that way. Or love me back at all. Just please… let me stay with you… fuck… let me… let me still be your friend. Please. I’ll… I’ll…”

“Shshsh, Kacchan. It’s ok. You don’t have to worry,” Deku interrupts him gently and in the next moment, Katsuki feels soft, gentle lips pressing against his temple in a familiar gesture of affection. He’s an idiot. Deku has been showing him his feelings for days. Months. Years. Yet he’s never noticed the familial gestures and convinced himself Deku couldn’t ever love him back. In any way.

He’s such an idiot.

Still, the new knowledge doesn’t fully quell his anxiety and his fingers curl into Deku’s clothes as he bites his lip.

“Don’t leave me alone,” he murmurs quietly, pathetically and buries his face into Deku’s shoulder a bit more. The green-haired man responds with another soft kiss to his temple and a familiar, calming feeling of fingers combing through his hair.

“I won’t. I promise, Kacchan,” Deku says, quiet but earnest. “I told you, I love you. It… it may not be the same kind of love… but so long as you don’t want me to leave, I won’t go anywhere. I promise. So don’t worry.”

Katsuki relaxes at the reassurance and heaves a deep sigh. He’s still shaking in Deku’s arms. But mostly, he just feels exhausted as fuck.

“Thank you,” he feels the need to say, so he says it, his grip on Deku’s clothes loosening but his arms remaining around him. The other man just hums.

“Rest now, Kacchan,” he says softly. He doesn’t have to ask twice. With the pain gone and only the exhaustion remaining, Katsuki’s eyes slide closed and he falls asleep again within minutes.

And for the first time in days, he sleeps peacefully, no more nightmares plaguing him for the rest of the night.

~The Absolute Truth~

Katsuki’s fever breaks the next day, finally. He’s still sick and weakened, but he feels better after telling Deku the truth. Whether it’s from being figuratively freed from the burden of the secret, from the relief that comes with the fact that Deku knows and still wants him as his friend, or just simply because at least one truth is in the open and the villain’s quirk can’t keep tormenting him with it, Katsuki doesn’t know. Nor does he care. He is just glad that he isn’t quite as miserable anymore.

He still kind of hurts over the knowledge that the feelings Deku has for him aren’t the same kind of love as his own. But compared with the agony the villains have put him through, that’s an ache he can deal with.

His parents come by that same day and after thinking about it, thinking what is stopping him from telling them the truth, Katsuki decides to use the opportunity to come clean to them as well. Deku is there for that conversation, per the blonde’s request, a silent support at Katsuki’s side as he admits to having bullied him to his parents. Admits how long it’s gone on, admits how far he’s taken it. And he apologizes. He apologizes to Deku, even though he’s already done it before, and he apologizes his parents for disappointing them.

Admitting it to them makes him feel like another burden falls from his shoulders. Especially when his mother yells at him like she always has for being an idiot while his father just smiles and tells him he just has to be better from now on. That as long as Deku has forgiven him, then they have no reason to not do the same.

Auntie Inko is next, with the same confession. As he’s not really in any condition to bow to her properly, Katsuki bows his head as he admits everything to her, biting his lip as he quietly dares to ask for her forgiveness. Deku’s mother is quiet for a long moment and Katsuki doesn’t dare to look up at her, feeling himself tremble with nerves the longer she stays silent. When she does speak, she addresses her son, brokenly asking why he’s never told her anything. Deku quietly repeats the same thing he’s said on national television. That he hasn’t wanted her to worry. And then the nerd has the gall to add that he hasn’t wanted to risk Katsuki losing his chance at following his dream, making it a reality. Auntie Inko breaks down in tears. Katsuki nearly does as well, staring with wide eyes at Deku, mouth moving but no sound coming out at that confession. Deku just gives him a smile and a shrug as his mother hugs him before doing the same to Katsuki, mindful of his injuries. She apologizes to him as well, for whatever she’s done that has set him off last time. It hasn’t been her intention and seeing him like that has shaken her, hence why she hasn’t come by since.

She doesn’t fully forgive him, though. Not right away. But she assures him that she probably will, in time. Once she has had time to think about it, to digest the information and properly cope and deal with it. And most of all, despite the lack of forgiveness, she’s not really angry, either. Her son has forgiven Katsuki and is now friends with him. Auntie Inko clearly wasn’t going to let her feelings get in the way of that.

Kirishima is also on the list of people who get to hear about it. Katsuki isn’t sure if he’s one of the important people he needs to come clean to for the villain’s quirk to leave him alone, but the redhead has asked about it and deserves to know.

Shitty Hair ends up bawling worse than auntie Inko had, the truth hitting him far harder than Katsuki has expected it to. But it makes sense once Shitty Hair tells him and Deku about his own time before UA. Turns out he’s been bullied, too. Which was why he despised bullies with a vengeance. So to find out that his best friend used to be like the people he despised… well, it clearly hurt. But he says he’ll get over it. He just needs time. Which is fine, because it’s not like Katsuki is getting out of the goddamn wheelchair, let alone getting back to work, any time soon.

The confessions do more than just make him feel like weight after weight falls from his chest. They make him feel better physically as well as his injuries finally, finally start to heal slowly. It’s still a long road to recovery, yes, but he’s finally healing.

~The Absolute Truth~

The next time Deku cleans his wounds, Katsuki gathers his courage and tells him to read what he can. And ask for whatever clarification he might need. Deku blinks at the request, clearly surprised, but nods, eyes focusing more on the injuries and actually trying to decipher what kanji the cuts form.

For a long while, he doesn’t say anything as he works, not really needing to ask any questions. He glares at the sentences carved into Katsuki’s throat as he very carefully cleans and re-wraps them and he pauses briefly at his chest, where Katsuki’s declaration of his feelings is carved in bold, big letters. How Deku had managed to avoid reading these particular words before is beyond Katsuki, but a part of him is grateful for it. Because Deku definitely deserved to find out the truth from him and not any other way.

Deku pauses when he gets to Katsuki’s abdomen, working carefully to clean the wounds, brows furrowed in contemplation.

“They asked you about me picking a successor?” he asks finally and Katsuki glances at him before looking away with a mute nod. He swallows and nods.

“Yeah. They…” he hesitates, fists clenching at his sides as he starts to tremble a little. Deku notices and lays a hand over his, squeezing briefly to reassure and ground him. Katsuki releases a shaky breath. “Once they knew you used to be quirkless… they wanted to know all about how you got your quirk. How you got it. From whom. What you’d do with it.”

“Do you know what for?” Deku asks quietly as he starts wrapping him up in fresh bandages. Katsuki swallows again, the hand Deku has just been holding and squeezing reaching out to hold onto his clothes, since the green-haired man needs both his hands to bandage Katsuki’s torso properly. His movements are slow, careful and meticulous, guided by care and habit in equal measure. How many times has Deku cleaned and bandaged him up already? Just how many days has he taken care of Katsuki while the blonde has been busy self-destructing? Katsuki doesn’t really know. He’s lost count. He just knows it’s been a long-ass time, probably. Or at least it feels that way to him.

“To see if you were a… a ‘fake’… by their standards,” Katsuki’s voice is quiet and a little shaky. His trembling intensifies. “They intended to make you their next targets. If… if they didn’t like the answers they got out of me,” he adds as Deku shifts to sit on the bed next to him, treatment finished for now. He wraps an arm around Katsuki’s shoulders carefully, mindful of the injury on his shoulder blade. That one has been the hardest to deal with for Katsuki. Because it has been hard admitting to himself that maybe, just maybe… he really has felt like ‘violence without repercussions’ was at least one of the reasons he’s been so drawn to heroism as a kid. He still didn’t really believe he could have ever felt that way. But at the same time, he can admit that just because he didn’t feel that way most of the time, that doesn’t mean thoughts of that nature couldn’t cross his mind sometimes, however briefly, when he was a dumbass brat who didn’t know better.

And thankfully, that was enough to make that wound heal as well, slowly, little by little. It will still be several days, at least, before Katsuki is well enough to get the stitches out, let alone be healed fully. But he’s slowly getting better.

Deku gently pulls him towards himself and Katsuki collapses against him. Leaning against his chest and resting his head on Deku’s shoulder like he has in the hospital room.

“They won’t go after me or you or anyone else anymore, Kacchan,” Deku assures gently as he runs his fingers through Katsuki’s hair in a soothing gesture while the blonde tries not to tense to stop the movement of his muscles. The shaking was, apparently, his body’s way of releasing the pent-up stressful energy and he’ll be better off if he lets it happen, rather than try to suppress it, no matter how weak and pathetic it makes him feel.

“I know,” he replies quietly. And he does know. Because Serum and Sakushi have both been locked up in Tartarus. And there’s very little chance they’ll ever get out of there.

They sit in silence for a while, just taking comfort in each other’s presence. Or, well, Katsuki is taking comfort in Deku’s presence. But after a while, he speaks up again, wanting to get it out.

“When… when they were asking about your quirk,” he started quietly before gulping. His hands fist in the sheets. Deku notices and his free hand moves to one of Katsuki’s and takes hold of it, squeezing gently in reassurance. Katsuki heaves a deep sigh, feeling his shoulders slump as he relaxes a bit more. “It… it wasn’t like… like the rest of what you might have seen.”

“How so?” Deku’s voice is low and carefully neutral, even though Katsuki knows he feels anything but neutral about it. Still, he doesn’t stop Katsuki from talking and instead just listens.

“They…” Katsuki hesitates again, then shakes his head slightly and pushes on. “They didn’t give me a chance to… to recover. Or catch my breath. It was… it was question after question, without pause, until I couldn’t… couldn’t even think straight past the agony. I just… I just wanted it to stop,” his voice cracks and he feels his eyes burn. He squeezes his eyes shut. Damn it. Don’t cry. Don’t cry about this again. You’re supposed to be healing…

“Kacchan, breathe,” Deku instructs gently, making Katsuki realize how irregular his breathing had gotten. He squeezes his friend’s hand again to ground himself and tries to force himself to breathe slower, deeper. In and out, in and out, until he feels more centered and in control. Deku gives him all the time he needs to calm down and doesn’t comment on what Katsuki said, acknowledging the words but not responding to them. “Can I ask you a question?” he asked at length. Katsuki gave a snort and a tiny smirk.

“You just did,” he points out and Deku chuckles, eyes shining a bit in clear happiness to see even that tiny sign of Katsuki’s normal, cocky, snarky self.

“Did you really believe… that I could never love you back in any way?” he asks, eyes moving to the blonde’s covered chest, where the words that make him ask that question hide beneath white medical cloth. Katsuki’s expression sobers, gaze falling to his lap.

“Why would I believe that you would? I made your entire goddamn childhood a living Hell,” he says just a little bitterly, shame and regret coloring his tone for those who knew him well enough to hear it.

“And yet I do love you. Guess that makes me a masochist, huh,” Deku says with a teasing grin and Katsuki snorts.

“You’re a fucking idiot, that’s what you are,” he grumbles back, but he doesn’t move away from Deku’s warmth. The nerd may love him like a brother and that knowledge still stung a little (a lot, at times), but it was still love. It was still more than Katsuki ever thought he’d get. He could be content with that.

He wasn’t ok yet. He still hated to be alone in the darkness or in a silent room or both for too long. Certain things still sent him into a mild panic. He still started trembling uncontrollably when his kidnapping was brought up and he still had nightmares some nights. He still couldn’t really get up on his own and he still needed Deku to basically take care of him most of the time.

But he was getting better. He was healing. And in time, he would be ok. He would go back to work and kick villain ass again, because that was what he did best. He would be ok. He was Ground Zero, the number ten hero and future number one if he had any say about it. Especially since Ground Zero was a lot of things, but he was certainly not a quitter. So yeah, he would be ok.

That is an absolute truth if he’s ever heard one.