Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ruby: Ok everyone, I’d like you to tell me what color you think Digit’s shirt is.
Emyx: Gray?
Millie: Gray.
Miles: Gray…
Rei: Definitely Gray.
Ruby: Good; Now what do you think it is, Dig?
Digit, quietly: Dark White…

Aqui: Small creatures are more viscious than bigger ones because there isn’t enough room for their anger.
Neo: Well, that doesn’t sound too scientific, where’s the proof? What could possibly-
Dab: Spiders.
Cherry: Wasps.
Taur: Chihuahuas.
Kiwi: My Mom.

Geno: If you took a shot for every bad decision you’ve made, how drunk would you be?
Blue: Maybe a little tipsy???
Ink: Drunk.
Reaper: Wasted.
Error: Dead.

Ink: There’s three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way, and the Ink way!
Dream: Isn’t that last one the same as the wrong way?
Ink: Yeah, but faster!

Ink, babysitting: I’ve got this under control!
Sci: Is that why everything is on fire?

Blue: You’re so tall! What can you see up there?
Error: Everyone’s flaws.

Edge: Can you pass the salt?
Red: *throws Rasp across the table*

Or, in a similarly dysfunctional household-

Ink: Hey Glitchy, pass the sa-
Error: *leaves the table*
Blot is yeeted down the stairs to the table by a smug looking Error, who doesn’t seem to care about his screams.

Ink, seeing Blot didn’t leave for the OT one day: What are you doing here?
Blot: I fucking live here.

Error, to Blot: I care more about embarrassing you than my whole life and purpose.

Nightmare: When you’ve been the personification of Negativity all your life such as I, you develop thick skin (or, as I like to call it, thick goop)-
Cross: Magenta is not your color.
Nightmare: It brinGS OUT MY EYES YOU PRICK-

Blot: Do you think I could fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Gradient: You’re a hazard to society.
Rasp: And a coward; do 20.

Nightmare: Well, this has been a great day.
Ccino: What happened?
Nightmare: I ran into Dream-
Cross: How is that great-
Nightmare: -With a car.

Nightmare: You uncultured swines haven’t read a word in your life! Name a single book that made you cry!
Horror: General Mathematics, 6^th Edition-
Killer: Ooh shit, it’s universal.

Ink: Hey, are you asleep?
Error: Yeah, now shut u-
Ink: If you’re a farmer who takes care of chickens, you’re a chicken tender.
Error, staring wide eyed at the ceiling:
Error: Go the fuck to sleep it’s 3am.

[Just after Afterdeath is established]
Geno: Since when is babysitting Reaper my-
Geno: Oh stars, that’s exactly my job…

Digit: Can I have the night light on, Daddy?
Error: And provide a beacon for all the corrupted souls in the Hyperverse? Use your head, sweetie.

Dream: We’re having the best time, aren’t we Night?
Nightmare: I wish I was dead.

Cross: What exactly are you doing?
Ccino, surrounded by an endless amount of cats: Building a family.

Killer: I have a few knives up my sleeves.
Cross: Do you mean “tricks”?
Killer, pulling out several sacrificial knives: I do not.

Ink: Well, Dream thinks I’m clever!
Dream: I wouldn’t go that far.

Chapter Text

Ink, researching a Youtuber Blot used to watch: So far this guy seems really funny and interesting and-
Ink: Ah shit, he’s a sex offender.
Error: Oh boy, here I go killing again-
Ink: I’d say no to this, but he deserves it. Go Glitchy!

[In all seriousness, his name is exurb1a and I’d suggest you do some research on this case if you’re already a fan like I was until 10 minutes ago. As witty as he is and the amount of entertainment he’s provided me with for a good while, I don’t want to watch sexual predator’s videos or see them in my recommended feed just because I happen to watch Kursgezart, though that might stop too because they’re apparently supporting him during all this (I knew those birds were up to something).]

BB: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what should I do?
Rasp: Punch him in the gut and kiss him when he doubles over.
Blot: Tackle him.
Miles: Dump him.
Millie: Kick him in the shin.
Sketch: NO TO ALL OF THOSE! JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

BB: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Blot: Killed without hesitation.
BB: No!-

Blue: How tall are you?
Ink: Height is a social construct.
Error: So you’re short.

Dream: Did you just refer to your knife as a “people opener”?
Killer: Should I not have?

Millie: I like your dress.
Rei: Thanks, it was 50% off!
Millie: I’d prefer it if it were 100% off.
Rei: The store can’t just give out free stuff.
Millie: That’s not what I-
Rei: That’s a terrible way of running a business, Millie.

Incubux: You have no idea what I’m capable of!
Nightmare: No offense, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.
Incubux:
Incubux: MOM-
Nightmare: I TAKE IT BACK-

Sketch: *taps table*
Miles: *taps back*
Millie: What the hell are they doing?!
Blot: Morse code.
Miles: *aggressively taps table*
Sketch, tearing up: *slams hands on table* yOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Blue, teaching Rasp and BB to cook: Now, shake it!
Red: *shimmies*
Blue: The containers, Red.

Error: I have no fears.
Ink: I’m cooking dinner tonight!
Error:
Error: I have one fear

[Pre-Errink established]
Blue: Error would destroy worlds for you!
Ink: Error would and does already destroy worlds for fun.

Killer: Danger is my middle name!
Dream: Well that’s a lie!
Dream: Your middle name is Cutie-Pie!
Killer:
Dream: *boops him on the nose*

Error, coming down the stairs: Is something burning?
Ink, leaning against the kitchen counter seductively: Only my burning desire for you~.
Error:
Error: Ink, the toaster is on fire-

Blue: I look up to you, Error.
Error: Why the fuck is that a good idea-
Blue: Because you’re tall.

[Before Afterdeath exists and it’s GenoxDust instead because yes]

Reaper, covering Geno’s eye from behind: Guess who~!
Geno: Either Dust or the cold clammy hands of De-
Geno: Wait-
Reaper: Damn, didn’t know my hands were cold.

Chapter Text

Ink
Expectation: Ranging from a soulless fuck to heavily fanon uwu artist “I love all my creations!!!!1!111!1!” boi.
Reality: Still a soulless fuck except he can somehow feel (???) because Dream said so. Also a chaotic neutral, but that’s canon anyway. Very gay, but that’s obvious.

Error
Expectation: Either tragic babey or “EVERYONE MUST DIE” chaotic evil.
Reality: A strange mix between Lawful and Chaotic Neutral. Just wants chocolate, Undernovela, and some peace and quiet. Also, he’s not a top or a bottom you fuckers; Switch Error is best Error, don’t @ me. Loves embarrassing his children. Tsundere because of who he used to be. Actually wears his glasses (most of the time).

Blue
Expectation: “SUGOI!11!11!!! KAWAII DESUUU!!11!!!!” uwu innocent cinnamon roll soft boy who loves everyone and has probably also dated everyone at some point. Also, tacos are life.
Reality: A little sinner, probably worshipped Satan at some point. He’s a switch too. Only pretends to be a cinnamon roll but hates that people don’t take him seriously now unless it’s people he’s close to (and even then that’s a stretch when it comes to Ink and Dream). Also, he only makes tacos because of Alphys; probably has a self-indulgent ketchup stash somewhere (a Sans is a Sans, after all).

Red
Expectation: Horny bastard most of the time or Edgy Mc “I cry myself to sleep.” Has never known the joy of holding onto a balloon without accidentally letting go, instead letting it slowly deflate in the corner of his room.
Reality: Pervert but knows people’s boundaries (Blue is people). Probably does still cry late at night, but he has a gosh darn husband who loves him and makes sure the sadness fucks off. Pretends he’s a top, but he’s a switch too (I love me some switches alright, shut up Karen).

Dream
Expectation: “I’m babey uwu.” Probably scared or concerned 24/7. Loves trees (yoU’LL BE OBSESSED WITH ALL HIS FOREST EXPERTISE-). Most likely to fall in love with stoic people, for some reason.
Reality: He’s a top, ok. Also can defend himself. Can and will go apeshit at Nightmare for something stupid, despite not doing so in serious circumstances. Lived off of ramen at some point. Probably just a banana in disguise.

Nightmare
Expectation: S p o o k y. Pissed off with everything and everyone. Tentacle hentai monster.
Reality: Books are cool. Secretly still a soft boy. Doesn’t actually hate Dream, it’s more of a sibling thing now. Polyamory is cool, too. Loves his boyfriend and husband very much.

Killer
Expectation: What is his purpose actually fuck I can’t do this now-
Reality: Adorable little shit. Tells people he’s a top, but he’s a power bottom at most (and even then that power dissipates). Tries to be edgy but it doesn’t work. Dream's little cutie-pie.

Cross
Expectation: Stoic bastard. Probably has no friends outside of Dream. Hates Ink in most scenarios.
Reality: Theatre geek fanboy. Loves annoying people, especially his Nightlight. No one knows whether he’s top or bottom, but he sure does like that good tentacle fucc (*wheezes* that was harder to type out than I thought it would be). He’s smol, btw. Also a poly guy but is too awkward to actually make any moves on anyone (Nightmare is the one who started it out of boredom, but it gradually grew into real love). Probably soul crushingly in love with his husband’s boyfriend but ignores it a lot.

Ccino:
Expectation: One big uwu.
Reality: …Nothing here has changed much actually. Oh, but he’s poly too, but his ace ass is too shy to come out to his boyfriend and confess to said boyfriend’s husband (*romantic tension ensues*). Like, half an inch taller than Cross.

Dust:
Expectation: Sociopathic murderer. Probably dated Blue at some point.
Reality: Had a poly with Killer and Horror until Horror decided to bite both of them in a hunger-driven rage. Probably discovered he’s aro-ace afterward. And yeah, he dated Blue; there’s a whole separate timeline dedicated to that (well, it was there until Ariel did stuff, anyway). Sings “I play Pokémon go everyday” unironically whilst doing exactly that. Most definitely does some weird shit when Nightmare’s not around to patronise him.

Horror:
Expectation: Psychologically damaged weirdo who’s creepy af.
Reality: Lies, all lies. He’s babey, and just wants some food. Still upset over what happened when the poly split off, but pretends he isn’t. Surprised his husband by showing him how he isn’t the bottom he seems to be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Lust:
Expectation: Does this need to be explained? You all know who he is, you sinners.
Reality: Gay. Definitely a power bottom. Not as slutty as you may first think. Love him or hate him, he’s spittin’ straight facts 😳

Fresh:
Go home, fools, he’s exactly as what you’d expect.

Epic:
Same thing for Epic, too.

G:
Expectation: Another horny bastard. You may think he’s the sexiest man alive, if you’re a fangirl (or used to be sksKSKSK-).
Reality: Probably owns a motorcycle. Loves his husband very much. Probably posts clickbait videos (“PRANKING ERROR AND INK!!! *Gone Wrong* DON’T TRY THIS! (Gone Sexual)” and stuff like that).

Chess:
Expectation: Literally just a chess piece.
Reality: Well, yes but actually no. Totally has a posh English accent. Probably has 4pm tea time. Back off and find your own mans, ladies, his husband is taken

Dance:
Expectation: Literally all he does is dance wtf how did he get so many fangirls-
Reality: Wants a quiet lifu with his waifu (hah wait until your daughter fucken- *shot because spoilers*). Fascinated by all dance and isn’t too lazy to learn you motherfuckers are just mean.

Katana:
Expectation: He go stabby stab with a sword.
Reality: That’s it, aside from the fact that he does indeed know Japanese and is a big fucking weeb.

Reaper:
Expectation: Big flirt. Probably hates a lot of people. Will not reap Geno. Big sad after Life “died” (Life be like “I lived bitch-“).
Reality: Chaotic gay energy emanates from him in large bursts. Big sad because his first and second Geno’s left him (Error and Fatal respectively). Happy again because his third one stayed with him. Probably wants a bajillion kids or something idk. Definitely top but didn’t actually initiate AfterDeath (his husbando did uwu).

Geno:
Expectation: Big sad Tsundere. Hates hooman child. “I-IT’S NoT LiKE I LikE YouuU! B-B-BakaAA!!11!”
Reality: Honestly loves Reaper with all his heart, he just gets disappointed at his life choices and overly sexual comments around kids. Probably is sad, but happier now he has a family again. Only slightly Tsundere (no hitting in this Christian household, kids). Maybe a masochist? He won’t tell anyone if he is or not, and even Reaper gets confused about it.

Sci:
Expectation: Nerd. Probably gets turned on by math equations. Basically Gaster but not really.
Reality: He has a life outside of his work, nerds. Loves his space bf a lot. Has most definitely gay panicked over said space bf. Wants a canary so he can be a canary parent and have his baby socialise with Red’s whilst they do momma birb gossip, but can’t because bf is allergic to feathers. Too shy to propose. A pure little bab, even though he’s top. Still a bit of a nerd tbh.

Outer:
Expectation: S p a c e.
Reality: Wants to get married to nerd bf, but doesn’t mind waiting for it to happen at said nerd’s pace. Allergic to feathers. Wants to steal one of Ccino’s many cats. F l o o f. Enjoys stargazing, but doesn’t do it 24/7. Probably wants 2 kids.

Ganz:
Expectation: Another sad boi.
Reality: Yes. Loves kids a lot. Also loves his husband a lot. Wakes up in the middle of the night at a specific time just so he can comfort said husband after he has nightmares.

Sensy:
Expectation: What even is the canon plot of his Sonatale in the first place?
Reality: Very protective over his husband and kids. Has nightmares (I think that’s canon though). Probably bottom, but he could be a top.

Chapter Text

Edge: You have your Father's eyes.
Ariel: So? I'm not giving them back!

Error: Is this legal?
Nightmare: Yes.
Error, continuing to tear down an AU because there's too much water for Nightmare's liking: Ok-

Dream, preparing to sing: Ooh~-
Nightmare: -wAH AH AH AH

Blot: This is so sad, Alexa play Africa by Toto.
Alexa thing: *plays Despacito*
Blot: Dammit not again.

BB, in littlespace: Daddy?
Red: Y-
Sketch: Yes mY SWEET PRECIOUS PRINCESS TOO PURE AND GOOD FOR THE HYPERVERSE?!?!?!?!?

Blot: Sketch really went from "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir!" to "Your daughter calls me Daddy too," huh?
Rasp: Go the fuck to sleep and stop thinking about your brother's sex life.
Sketch, climbing through the window: Well actually littlespace isn't-
Rasp and Blot: *screaming*

Lavender: Kiss and make-up?
Horror, sighing: Get the damn lipstick.

Kit, mumbling: I wish I could kiss you...
Connor: Huh?
Kit: I saiD IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU!-

Goth: So no one told ya life was gonna be this gay-
Goth: *slams head against a door 4 times in succession*
Palette, taking over: -Your life's a mess and you're severely underpaid!

Xhaji: Ok, some greetings that can also help you come out.
Raven: I'm here, I'm queer-
Goth: What's up guys? I'm a homosexual-
Shino: SwIgGiTy SwInA i LiKe VaGiNa!!!!!!1!111!!1!
Sorrell, sobbing: This is why Mom said I'm his favourite-

Passion: Suck me!
Gradient: Pain.

Cross: You're a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You're not the person I married!
Nightmare: Fine then! We're getting a divorce! And I'm taking the kids!
Ccino, pushing away the Monopoly board: ...Mayyybe we should stop playing???

Ink, at 3:23am exactly: If you tear more holes in a net, it would end up having fewer...
Error, who's been listening to his nonsense all night: STOP, THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF PILLOWTALK I MEANT-

Killer: *calls Dream*
Killer: Uhhh hey, I hate to be "that" guy buuut I glued myself to the ceiling again-

Dust: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk!
Dust: *cuts a piece of cake*
Horror: ...Can I-
Dust: For fuck's sake Horror nO IT'S NOT MEANT TO TEMPT YOU-

[Texting]
Lavender: You will machete through this!
Lavender: *make it
Lavender: Please do not machete your way through this
Horror: Too late

Miles: Why do you have a diary?
Bunny: To keep secrets from my computer, duh!

Dust at Ink: I dare you to-
Dream and Error in unison: Ink isn't allowed to accept dares.
Dust: ...Why?
Error: *nudges Ink*
Dream: *nods for him to say it*
Ink, bowing his head: I apparently have no regard for my personal safety.

Reaper: *kicks the "G" off of a Graveyard sign* Let's get this party started.

Silver: *signs a legal document in glitter gel pen*

Nightmare, shortly after corrupting: Rules were made to be broken!
Dream: Yeah- Uhh- Well! Bodies weren't!

Ink, explaining his newfound distress: I am very small. And I have no money. Soooo you can imagine the kind of stress I'm under.

NaJ! Palette: If I run and jump at Gothy, he'll catch me in his arms!
NaJ! Goth, holding coffee: Wh-
NaJ! Palette: *runs and jumps at Goth*
NaJ! Goth: *drops coffee to catch him* What thE ACTUAL FUCK ROLLER-

Polaris: Things have actually been going really well with Red. Our friendship is in a really good place!
Polaris: Last week I told him "Did you know the weiner dog is neither weiner nor dog?" and instead of saying "Shut up, space-cadet," he said "Ok"!!!

Millie: Welcome to my first vlog in which I will try different hair products!
Millie: *sprays the hairspray in her mouth*
Millie, scrunching up her face: Well, right off the bat I can say that this one is not very good-

Blot, dumping a shopping bag full of Lunchables on the table: Tonight, we feast.

Blue: Look, let's just agree to say "I'm sorry" on the count of three.
Blue: One, two, three!-
Blue:
Razz:
Blue: ...See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us!

Edge: You're under arrest for robbery!
Stretch: For what?!? What did I steal?!?!?!?
Edge, tearing up: Stealing my heart.
Stretch:
Edge:
Edge, telling the story later on: ...And that's how we met-

Ccino: I like your shirt!
Cross: Thanks-
Cross: *remembers he likes bad boys* I stole it-
Cross: *remembers he also likes nice guys* From an old man I was helping walk across the street-

Sci, bad at flirting: I like your name.
Polaris, just as bad if not worse: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.

Razz: I am at a loss for words!
Classic, telling Red later: Despite being lost for words, Razz yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.

Goth: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Lotus: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she fucking dies-

PkmnTrainer! Killer: Do you like my outfit?
PkmnTrainer! Dream: Not as much as I like what's underneath.
PkmnTrainer! Killer, blushing: D-Dream!-
PkmnTrainer! Dream: I need your chair, get up.

Sprinkle: Isn't surgery just stabbing someone to life?
Dust: Please never become a surgeon.

[Texting]
Miles: Time sensitive question how flirt boy
Bunny: Throw rocks at he
Classic: hot dog
Duchess: Kill him
Miles: Thanks guys

Fresh, looking at Cray, Cil and Mono in the distance: Do you miss the imagination of childhood?
PJ: I never had one.
Omni, butting in: An imagination or a childhood?

Goth: You read my diary?!
Raven: At first, I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Ruby: I wasn't hurt that bad.
Ruby: Digit said all the bleeding was internal, which is where it's supposed to be!

Sketch: I married my wife. I love saying "my wife," it sounds so adult.
Sketch: "That's my wife." It's great! You sound like a person!

Ink: You tricked me!
Nightmare: No, I merely deceived you. "Tricked" implies our relationship is of a playful nature.

Horror: Pardon the intrusion but-
Nightmare: On this moment or just my life in general?

Ink: Name one time I haven't acted professional!
Dream: You're holding a juice box right now!
Ink: It's to stop me from spilling my juice!

CoffeeShop! Error: Bonjour, Ink. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
CoffeeShop! Ink: No, I don't want to sleep with you right now.
CoffeeShop! Error: Wait, is that what that means?! Oh man, I had a really gross tennis instructor-

Razz: Classic, we tried things your way.
Classic: No we didn't-
Razz: I did it in my head and it didn't work!

Ink: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego; my Facebook photo is a landscape!

Splash: Are you sure Miles is even gay? He barely even looked at me!

Blue: Can you keep a secret?
Ink: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person...

Error: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Blot: All I drank was Redbull!!!
Error: How many?
Blot: ...Eighteen...

Shino: How much did you spend on this date?!
Ariel: $1400. But since it's all on credit cards, that's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years

Goth: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.
Raven: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in his own pool, big difference!

Error: Ink, can I speak to you for a minute, in private?
Ink: Ooh someone's in trouble!-
Ink: ...It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Error: That sounds like a terrible plan.
Nightmare: Oh, we've had worse.

Palette: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

Rasp: *locks Blot in the car* Act like a child, get treated like a child.
Blot: What?! Isn't it illegal to leave a child alone in a car?!?!

Dream, about Ink: He's speaking some kind of French.
Error: let me handle it. I speak Spanish, they're practically the same thing.

Geno: Damn, Sci, are you secretly cool?
Sci: Well, poker's just math, so I guess that depends on whether you consider the mathmetician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.
Geno: ...I do not.

Dust: Are you trying to seduce me?
Lavender: Why, are you seducible?

Cross: Between Dust, Horror, Killer, and Error - if you had to - who would you punch?
Nightmare, passive: None of them! They are my friends! I wouldn't punch any of them!
Cross: ...So Killer?
Nightmare: Yeah, but I don't know why!-

Lavender: So what do you have planned for the future?
Horror: Lunch.
Lavender: No, like, long-term.
Horror: Oh...Uhh, dinner??

Ink: If you're having Dad problems, that's my jam, son!
Timothy: Real weird take on my crappy Father.

Stretch: What are we doing?
Red: Wasting our lives.
Stretch: I meant for lunch.

Ariel: Ok, alright, let's hear about the kiss! Was it like- Was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a- You know- A "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?
BB: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then- Oh stars- And then we just sort of sunk into it???
Ariel: Ok, so- Ok, was he holding you?! Or was his hand like on your back?
BB: No, uh, actually he started on my waist. And- And then, they slid up, and then, they were on my skull.
Ariel and Rasp, the former more excited than the latter: Ohhh...
[Meanwhile]
Sketch: ...A-And, uhh- And then I kissed her!
Blot, chewing: Tongue?
Sketch: Y-Yeah?
Blot: Cool.

Dream: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!
Blue: It's kind of complicated, but Ink-
Dream: Got it, forget I asked.

[Watching a Horror Movie]
Rurik: Are you scared?
Lotus: In this economy? Who wouldn't be?!

Shino, going through *that* middle-schooler phase: I have edge!
Goth: You really don't. You are literally the most wide-eyed person I've ever seen. You have the face of a cartoon lamb!

Timothy: Tucker, I want you to play the role of my Father.
Tucker: Ew no, I don't wanna be your Father!
Timothy: Great! You already know your lines!

Taur: Did you notice how hot your sister has gotten?
Kai: *glares*
Taur: Because I didn't!

Dream: Those pants look great, but they'd look better on Blue's floor.
Blue: ...Did you just hit on Red...*For me*??

Sketch: We're going mattress shopping.
BB: You know, once we get it, we'll have to break it in.
Sketch: Oh, I hear what you're saying! Mattress trampoline!
BB:
Sketch: Wait no. You were talking about sex.

BB: Uh oh.
Rasp: What?
BB: Somebody's in loooove!
Rasp: Yeah right. I just think Blot's cool. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him.
Rasp, later that night: Uh oh...

Ruby: You really think I give a fuck?! I can't even read!

Ink: Welcome, fellow idiots.
Blue: Hello, Ink.
Ink: No, no, no, not you! You're not an idiot!
Blue: You underestimate me.

Noah: What time is it?
Incubux: I don't know, pass me that saxophone and we'll find out.
Incubux: *plays the sax loudly and out of tune*
Nightmare: WHO IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK-NUGGETS IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT 2 IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING?!?!?!??!
Incubux: It's 2am.

Rufous: I think we're missing something.
Scarlett: Teamwork?
Cookie: Cohesion?
Charlie: A general sense of what we're doing?

Sci: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.
Cross: This knife is actually a magic wand.
Killer: Meet me in the Denny's Parking Lot for a wizarding duel.
Polaris: *cocks gun* Magic missile.
Nightmare: What the fuck is wrong with you people?!?!

Ccino: Croissants, dropped.
Incubux: Roadworks, ahead.
Noah: BBQ sauce, on my titties.
Moon: Shavacado, fre.
Swirl: Miss Keisha, fuckin' dead.
Nightmare:
Nightmare, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Nightmare: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

Gala: Sorry I'm late, I was doing...Things.
Sahara: *bursts in, out of breath* SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN' STAIRS!

[Texting]
Neo: Guys, I impulsively bought a snake, what do I call him
Cherry: you diD WHAT-
Dab: William Snakespeare duh

Error: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Dream: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Killer: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is seeing the fear in your enemies' eyes!!!
Ink: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Error: You touch my birthday cake, I'll make you eat your hands.

Blue: Are we really going to let Dust keep Sprinkle?
Red: We kept Stretch.

Cream: Hewwo.
Bunny: Hihiiii!!!!
Duchess: Greetings, everyone.
Classic: Three kinds of people.
Miles: I want pudding.
Cream: Four kinds of people.
Millie: SUP FUCKERS?!?!?!?
Razz: Five kinds of people.

Sorrell, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts, and I still can't find a boo!

Nightmare: Go to Hell.
Killer, tearing up: I wish I could...

[Getting into a car]
Blue: I'm driving.
Ink, out of view: Shotgun!
Dream, turning to face Ink: Aww, but you had it on the way here!-
Dream and Blue: WOAH-
Ink, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *pumps gun*

[Killer, Dust, and Horror are sitting on a bench]
Dream: Aww, why do you guys look so sad?
Killer: Sit down with us so we can tell you...
[Dream sits down]
Killer:
Dust:
Dream:
Horror: The bench is freshly painted.

Fresh: Bridge the generational gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Cray: Tubular AF!
Cil: Mood to the max!
Mono, annoyed: Groovy. I hate it.
PJ, just as annoyed: If she breaths, she's a square...

[Reactions to being told "I love you"]
Fresh: Thanks fam!
Blue: Oh no.
Dream: *cries* I love you too!!!
Ink: Sounds fake but ok.
Red: *a flustered mess*
Error: Can I get a refund?

Ink, after the X-Event in some random Multiverse: BEHOLD! The field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Dust: Horror was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Horror: I'm just saying, they shouldn't say "all you can eat" if they don't mean it!
Dust: Horror, you ate a chair.

Blue: If you had to choose between Ink and all the money I have on me, which would you pick?
Error: How much money are we talking?
Ink: Error!
Blue: 63 cents.
Error: I'll take the money.
Ink: ERROR!

Sci: Everyone, synchronise your watches!
Geno: I don't know how to do that.
Classic: I don't wear a watch.
Fatal: Time is a social construct...

Dream: You're a loose cannon, Ink.
Ink: No way! I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose one?! Is that what you think of me?!?!
Blue: I think you play by your own rules.
Geno: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.
Dream: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Ink: No! I'm just a reckless renegade!! Error is a loose cannon!!!
Error: *smashes a chair*

[Everyone is over at Palette's apartment, before he and Goth move in together]
Raven: Ohhh, we get our own oven each?
Palette:
Palette: Nooo...
Palette, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have?!
Raven, motioning to his kitchen: Three, duh.
Goth: I see a-
Palette, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Raven: Oh, well-
Palette: H-Hey, wait wait wait, actually- Hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Palette, amazed: It's got a bake setting?!
Gradient: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!
Sprinkle: Do we- Do we gotta roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Palette: I've just discovered I have more ovens than I though, we don't have to roshambo nothin'!
Palette: I am a person who owns four ovens...
Palette, louder and more excited: I am someone...Who owns FOUR OVENS!
Palette: I didn't know I was so oven-rich...
Cray, pointing to another device: Also a toaster oven!
Palette:
Raven: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- No, five ovens!
Palette: 
Palette, fucking esTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS!!!
[Later]
Palette, calling Dream: Dad! You are not gonna fucking believe this but- But- I own FIVE OVENS!!!

Reaper, in raven form: Physically? Yes, I could fight a bird.
Reaper: But, emotionally..? Imagine the toll...

PJ: I'm going to take you out.
Fresh: Great, it's a date!
PJ: ...That was meant as a threat-
Fresh: I'll see you at five!!

{TW: A lot of yelling, swearing and humiliation}

[Talking about becoming a Gym Leader]
PkmnTrainer! Error, joking: Blue's just sitting at the end, juggling- Fushigi-ing 2 glass balls, in super tight pants, waiting for their kid delivery once they best his minions.
PkmnTrainer! Blue: Well, they'd be Pokeballs. And it's not a kid delivery! There's no fucking guarantee that a kid will come into the beginning of my crucible and make it to the end.
PkmnTrainer! Blue: In fact, I'm gonna stack this gym! With fuckin' Ace Trainers!
PkmnTrainer! Blue: It's- It's gonna be brutal! It's be a torture gym!!
PkmnTrainer! Geno: Well- Well what's the theme? Are you gonna, like- Is it a Bug Type theme?
PkmnTrainer! Blue, exasperated: YEAH- YEAH GENO. UH- UH- UH- UH, YEAH, GENO. I'M GONNA FUCKING OPEN UP A BUG TYP GYM! YOU IDIOT!
PkmnTrainer! Blue: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WANT! BECAUSE I'M GONNA- I'M GONNA GIVE- I'M GONNA SHIT OUT BADGES FOR EVERY HAM AND EGGS THAT WALKS THROUGH MY FRONT DOOR!
PkmnTrainer! Error: *cracking up*
PkmnTrainer! Blue: YEAH, GENO! "Uhhhh, go Caterpie!" That's me, you FUCKING IMBECILE- "Yeah go- Uhh- D-Do your best, Kakuna!"
PkmnTrainer! Blue: THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOU- Yeah, a Bug Type gym.
PkmnTrainer! Geno:
PkmnTrainer! Error: ...Okaaaay-
PkmnTrainer! Geno: Alright, uh, I'm gonna go then. I've embarrassed myself...
PkmnTrainer! Error: Maybe fire? Fire Type?
PkmnTrainer! Blue: Yeah, fire-based? Like- Have fires?
PkmnTrainer! Blue: Yeah, yeah, I'll probably just- That's a good idea Error! I'll probably do a Fire Type one...
PkmnTrainer! Blue: SO THAT ONE KID WITH ONE SQUIRTLE OR OSHAWOTT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK CAN FUCK UP MY WHOLE SHOP!
PkmnTrainer! Blue: KILLED ALL OF US WITH A SINGLE LOW-LEVELLED WATER TYPE?! HUH?!?! WOW, SHIT- I- I SHOULD'VE-
PkmnTrainer! Geno: J-Just do rock, then! Just do Rock Type!
PkmnTrainer! Blue, voice dripping with contempt: The same low-level Water Type...

Error: *screams*
Ink: *screams louder to assert dominance*
Blue: Should we...Should we do something?
Dream: Nope, I wanna see who wins.

[Sleepover, except everyone's drunk but Error]
Blue: What if the guy who named Walkie Talkies named other stuff...
Lavender: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.
Geno: Socks are Feetie Heaties...
Ink: Forks are Stabby Grabbies.
Red: Defilibrators are Heartie Starties.
Dream, stiffling laughter: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies!
Reaper, snickering: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.
Error, annoyed: You're all disappointments.

Ariel: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Sketch: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Millie: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Miles: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in First Grade.
Rasp: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
BB:
Blot: ...You don't ha-
BB: I have emotional scars.

Classic: With great power comes a great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Kiwi: Am I in trouble?
Rasp: Take a guess.
Kiwi: No?
Rasp: Take another guess.

PJ: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Ink: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Error, groaning: In that case, we're definitely lost!

Lavender: Ha! 69! You know what that means?!
Passion: What?
Desire: That you're a child.
Horror: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ?!?!

Gradient: Good morning.
Error: Good morning.
Blot: Good morning.
Sketch: You all sound like boring robots! Try spicing it up a bit!
Ink, sliding down the banister: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Millie: Everytime I hear someone joking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete the joke.
Cream: Ok, but what is updog?
Classic: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Miles: No, that's a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Bunny: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Duchess: Surely, that's Uppsala. Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Millie: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventially used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proof.
Miles: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Classic: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Cream: What's a henway?!
Millie: Oh, about five pounds.
Razz, sitting across the room: You all disappoint me more and more each day.

Nightmare: My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

BB: You often use humor to deflect trauma.
Blot: Thanks.
BB: I never said that was a good thing!
Blot: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Error: I trust Ink.
PJ: You think he knows what he's doing?
Error: I wouldn't go *that* far.

PJ: Why are Ink and Error sitting with their backs to each other?
Gradient: They had a fight.
PJ: ...Then why are they holding hands?
Gradient: They get sad when they fight.

Ink: I'm an idiot.
Error:
PJ:
Gradient:
Blot:
Sketch:
Digit:
Ink:
Error: If you're waiting for us to disagree this is gonna be a long day...

Cross: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Nightmare: Nope, absolutely not.
Dust: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Killer: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life!
Cross, laughing and tearing up: "I hope it emotionally scars you-"
Horror: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you!
Error: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could have changed the outcome.

Geno, at the Gods: I'm sick of tired of being called "mortal" like, you don't know that! Neither do I! I have never died properly even ONCE! Nothing has been proven yet! Stop making assumptions, it's rude!

Rei: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE?!
Millie: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially-
Rei, desperately, as Millie bleeds out: NO MILLIE YOUR BLOOD TYPE!
Millie: Oh! B positive!
Rei: DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE!!!
Millie:

Blot: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night!
Sketch: You were flirting with Rasp.
Blot: So what? She's my partner!
Sketch: You asked if she was single.
Blot:
Sketch: ...And cried when she said no.

Chess: You know those things will kill you, right?
Dance, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.
G, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.
Katana: *nods furiously whilst eating raw cookie dough*

Error: Where are Blot, Sketch, and Digit?!
Ink: They're playing Hide and Seek.
Error: Where?!?!
Ink:
Ink: I don't think you get how this game works...

Dream, about Ink wooing Error: Just be yourself!
Ink: "Be myself"? Dream, I have to one day win Error over! how long did it take for you guys started liking me?!
Blue: Couple weeks.
Geno: Six months.
Reaper: The jury's still out on that one...
Ink: See, Dream?
Ink: "Be myself," what kind of garbage advice is that?!?!?!

5 year old Digit, walking into Error and Ink's room: I frew up.

Chapter Text

Error, at the previous one destroying AUs "mindlessly": This does not spark joy.
Error, at Nightmare letting him just vibe in the castle: This does spark joy.
Error later, having to tear down Underswap and other AUs because of the corruption: thIS DOES NOT SPARK JOY-

Goth, about Palette: I can feel him undressing me with his eyes...
Raven: I don't know, he isn't laughing.

Miles: Why are your tongues purple?
Millie: We had slushies, I had a blue one.
Rei: I had a red one.
Miles: Oh.
Miles:
Miles: oH!
Splash:
Splash: You drank each other's slushies?!

Digit: What's a thot?
Ruby, sparing her innocence: A thoughtful person.
[Later at the dinner table]
Ink: Here's the salt, Digi.
Digit: Thanks Papa, you're such a thot!
Error: *Spits out drink and crashes*

Young Palette, playing a restaurant game with Goth and Dream: Hi, welcome to Applebees! Would you like apples or bees?
Dream: ...Bees?
Palette, turning to Goth: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES.
Dream: W-Wait-
Young Goth: *walks in with jar of very angry bees*
Dream: WAIT-

Reaper, talking to a shop attendant after having lost Goth in a store: Have you seen my son??
Reaper: Very small, single white eyelight in his right eye, skeleton-
Reaper: Very clearly gay but we haven't had the talk??

Millie: Don't you think that this is crazy?
Rei: What?
Millie: My heart is beating so loudly right now!
Rei, blushing: W-Why?
Millie: There's a cockroach by your feet.
Rei: *jumps up and hisses like a cat*

Digit, playing blocks: Onion rings are just veggie donuts.
Error, scrolling through his phone: Mhmm.
Digit: Human stomaches think all potatoes are mashed.
Error, looking up with a frown: Okay?
Digit: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavoured cake.
Error:
Digit, turning to face him with a smile, oblivious: And Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions!
Error, in tears: Digi, honey, please-
Ink, perching on the arm rest, fascinated: No, wait, please continue!

Nightmare: I care about all my team mates!
Nightmare: Cross, Dust, Horror...
Nightmare: *looks at smudged writing on hand* ...and Miller!

Millie: I can't go, stress is bad for the baby.
Classic, about to conduct a very confused interrogation: What baby?!
Millie: Me.

Nightmare: If the corruption got you, I'd hunt it down until the end of time so I could destroy it in your behalf.
Cross: If you ever asked, I'd kill every person in the room without a second thought.
Ccino, concerned, disturbed, and afraid: You know normal couples don't say these things to each other, right?!

Sci: Polaris, why are you sulking?
Polaris, beginning to rant: Someone said Pluto isn't a planet! You can you *believe* the sheer *idiocy*-
Sci: Well, technically it isn't a plan-
Polaris: You're dead to me, I want a divorce.

Dream, on the phone with Silver: What are you doing?
Silver, playing video games: The dishes.
Dream: ...Did I just hear a laser gun?
Silver: This is a bad neighbourhood, Dad.

Killer: Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Dream: That's...That's not...How it works..??

Neo: What's a synonym for catastrophe?
Cherry: Dab.

Ccino: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated!
Incubux: Killed without hesitation.

Duchess: How do you tell a human their breath stinks?
Bunny: Hey I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.
Miles:
Millie:
Miles: ...It would actually work though...

Nightmare: We'll have to distract the Star Shits...Are any of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?
Cross:
Cross: My time has come-

Sketch: *Lying on the couch*
BB: *Flops over him, shifting to casually lay on top of him*
Sketch, looking at her, smiling: Hey...
BB: Shh...Sleepy...
Sketch, whispering: Okay...
BB, burying face into his shoulder: You're adorable...
Sketch, hugging her tight: You too.
BB, drifting off to sleep, sighing: I love you...
Sketch, smiling more: You too...

Blot: I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life.
Rasp: I get up at 5am.
Blot:
Blot: Nevermind.

Fatal: What's up guys, I'm back.
Reaper: What the- You can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die!
Fatal, preparing to attack him: Death is a social construct.

Nightmare: How come whenever I have fun, it's considered wrong?
Dream: People die when you have fun!

Error, trying to do dirty talk: I've been a bad boy.
Ink: Mhmm? What did you do?
Error, suddenly panicking: Destroyed innocent AUs in a fit of rage.
Ink: Wait no-

Horror: We need to distract those guards.
Dust: Right.
Horror: What are we gonna do?
Dust: I'm gonna break their elbows whilst you poke their eyes.
Horror:
Dust:
Horror: Deal.

Polaris: I suppose I'm not that cute-
Sci: Let me stop you right there.
Sci, taking out a 478693 page essay: Now, allow me to explain as to why your theory is incredibly incorrect.

Classic: Did the beat go off?
Classic: I nut and the my meat go soft?
Classic: Her daughter's got the whooping cough?
Classic: I brake and let the children cross?
Razz: OKAY ACTUALLY? FREESTYLE SLAM POETRY HOUR IS OVER!

Blot, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Lotus: Ru, are you gonna eat all that Crofter's?
Rurik, holding 5 seperate bags full of Crofter's: Nah, everyone else can have some too.
Lotus, in a narrator voice: He was lying.

Red: Bro, I wanna give you the world but I only have, like...$2.
Blue: Come over here.
Red: *Comes closer*
Blue, hugging him: I've got no cash on me but I got the world right here in my arms.
Red, tearing up: Bro.
Blue, kissing his cheek: Bro.

Lavender: I wish we could block people in real life.
Blue: A restraining order.
Horror: Murder.

Nightmare, seductively: Tell me your wildest fantasy.
Cross: I'm on the Wheel of Fortune and I spin it so hard it lights on fire.
Nightmare: That's not what I-
Cross: Everybody claps.

Rasp: I want a baby.
Blot: Mine?
Rasp: ...Yeah, who else?
Blot: Aquaman's.

Ccino: I've been looking for you everywhere!
Nightmare: That's funny, because I've been avoiding you everywhere!

Dream, first 5 months in his friendship with Ink: Can I tell you a secret?
Ink: I wouldn't recommend it, no.

Sorrell: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper, putting more duct tape over his mouth: I said stop eating it, dammit!

Dream: Why don't you have a boyfriend, Kills?
Killer: I don't want one right now. Why don't you have one?
Dream:
Dream: Because you don't want one right now.

Dew, holding a deck of cards: Who wants a Tarot reading?
Swirl: Those are Pokemon cards.
Dew, holding a card: You got a Bidoof, it means fuck you.

Mina: Excuse me miss, have you ever been arrested?
Moonlight: How could you tell?
Mina: I was gonna say it's illegal to be that cute, but now I'm curious.
Moonlight, shrugging: Aggravated assault.

Ink: I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual.

Error: *Almost crying whilst petting two huskies*
Owner: They only speak French.
Error: Ink! You need to tell them they're good boys! I can't tell them, Ink, they need to know- Tell them I love them! Please?!
Ink, snickering: Vous etes de bons garcons. Error t'aime!

Rasp: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Dew. He's perfect.
Dew: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I wanna domesticate a raccoon!

Blot: I DO WHAT I WANT!
Gradient: I'm calling Dad.
Blot: No waIT-

Cross: Truth or Dare?
Ccino: Truth.
Cross: How many hours have you slept this week?
Ccino: Dare.
Cross: Go to sleep.
Ccino, puffing up angrily like a cat: I don't like this game!

Ruby: I'd give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.

Blot: I hate the way you pack my lunch.
Error: Maybe you should pack your own lunch.
Blot: *Packs 32 oreos*
Error: ...Maybe I should pack your lunch.

Palette: Thanks Goth, you're the best!
Goth: No problem, anytime!
[They hug]
Xhaji, watching from a far away tree with Raven, using binoculars: Now...Kiss!

Rasp: Can I be frank with you guys?
BB: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.
Dew: Can I still be Dew?
Red: Shh, let Frank speak.

Reaper: If I were a gardener, I'd put our "two-lips" together.
Geno: *Blushing, stammering mess*
Error:
Error: Why aren't we like that?
Ink: If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe.
Error: That's why...

Dream: When I said "bring me back something from the beach," I meant like a seashell or something.
Killer, trying to hold a seagull: Well you didn't fucking say that did you-

Reaper, at Geno: You're stealing from me again?
Reaper: First my soul.
Reaper: Now my cloaks!
Reaper: What's next, huh?! My last name?!?!

Kidnapper: Aw, how romantic; the Prince has come to save his lovebug.
Killer: I'm not his lovebug!
Dream, aiming with his bow: We'll come back to that later.

Blot: Girls are so hot.
Blot: Guys are so hot.
Blot: Why is everyone so hot?!
Rasp, noncholantly: Global warming.

Red: Why aren't koalas considered to be bears?
Sci: Because they're marsupials.
Red: Shut up nerd! The correct reply was "because they don't have any koalafications"!

[Texting]
Razz: I had a crush on someone once, and I didn't know how to handle it, so I filled their car with heart shaped confetti.
Classic: wAIT THAT WAS YOU???
Razz: Shit.
Razz: Who added you back to the groupchat? They're dead.

Reaper: You remind me of Saturn, but you're missing something...
Reaper, kneeling down and pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Geno:
Geno: Are you calling me round-

Ink: Hey! I can cook!
Error: Offering people gum isn't cooking.

Dew: I want a job where I can make people happy.
Digit: You already have that job!
Dew: I do?
Digit, beaming at him: By being my best friend!

Digit: Why are people so obsessed over top or bottom? I'd be pretty excited just to have a bunk bed!
Everyone:
Millie: ...I'm gonna tell her.
Miles: Yeah, let's-
Blot, pulling out a pocket knife: Don't you fucking dare.

Dew: I'm upset.
Edge: I'm afraid to ask why.
Dew: Bats eat spiders. What if Batman comes into contact with Spiderman?! Will Spiderman be okay?!?!
Edge:
Edge, explaining later why Dew is up past his bedtime: ...And so you see we couldn't just not find out-
Red: Put my baby to bed dammit before Blue finds out.

Dream: Wanna help me with my wedding?
Killer, confused: Uh, you're getting...Married..? What do you want me to do..?
Dream: Be my husband.

Moonlight: Actually, all of my systems are nervous.

BB: She was poetry, but he couldn't read-
Blot: -His name was Jared, he's 19-
Sketch: -When his parents built a very strange machine-
Sorrell: -Watch that scene dig it the dancing queen!-
Blot and Sketch, together: AYYY, MACERENA!
Rasp: ...Horrible job, everyone.

Cross, at Killer, Dust, and Horror: Can you guys be serious for 5 minutes?
Dust: Our record is 3.

Gradient, upset: I hate you guys and I'm never talking to a single one of you ever again.
[5 minutes later]
Gradient, kissing everyone's forehead: Goodnight Dad, goodnight Papa, goodnight Blot, goodnight Sketch, goodnight mysterious lump in Sketch's bed that oddly looks like BB, goodnight Digit,

Blue: Class, how do I ask someone out?
Classic: Well, first y-
Razz: No! Don't ask him! He asked me out in a McDonald's bathroom!
Blue:
Blue: ...And you said yes?!

Digit: Do you wanna hang out with me at McDonald's?
Dew: My soul says yes but my anxiety says no.
Digit: Sorry all I heard was yes come oN LET'S GO TO THE BALLPIT!
Dew: DIGI MY ANXIETY SAYS NO.
Digit: LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL!
Dew: DIGIT!
Digit: B A L L P I T .

Nightmare: To whoever stole my Crofter's, I will-
Ccino, guiltily: I did it, sorry.
Nightmare: -go buy a new one, have a wonderful day.

Tamaki (Katana): Are you two dating?
G: No.
Chess, annoyed and flustered: N-NO!
Dance: Double negative. That's a yes.

Polaris: *Sitting in Sci's lap*
Geno:
Geno, turning to Reaper: How come we don't do that stuff?
Reaper, pulling him into his lap: Happy?
[A few minutes later]
Geno, flustered: Do you seriously have a boner right now?!
Reaper, defensive and also flustered: You wanted this!

Cray: *Rolling down school hallway in heelies*
Kai, trying his best to keep up: SLOW DOWN YOU'RE GONNA MAKE MY ASTHMA ACT UP!

[Texting]
Blot: i hate being high i keep hearing footsteps >:(
Rasp: r u walkin?
Blot: oh shit

Opal: I'll be up late, I have homework.
Palette: You're in preschool.
Opal: Yeah but- But I gotta color this whole picture.
Palette, respecting the artist hustle: Damn, I'll put on some coffee.

Blueprint: Hello, 911? I'm not getting enough attention-

Komet: If you have 10 cookies and I ask for 5, how many will you have?
Kiwi: None.
Komet: It's basic math-
Kiwi: I would give everything to you because I love you!
Komet, holding back tears: You're disgusting-

Swirl: Don't correct me!
Incubux: Don't be wrong!

Digit, on the phone: Ruby, you ok?
Ruby: I'm mostly confused. How does orange correlate with black in a way that's new?
Digit: ...Step away from the Netflix.

BB: So you really believe me, Blot?
Blot: BB, you're one of the last good people in the Hyperverse. I'd believe you if you said talking cartoon animals dressed you and made your breakfast this morning.

Blot, looking at a video of his younger self: God that's so bad, thank god for c h a r a c t e r  d e v e l o p m e n t

Rasp, high: What is life?
Ariel: Shino.
Shino: Aww, you mean I'm your life? Thank you so-
Ariel: Because life is short.

Dew, sadistic but not intimidating: I wish I had the ability to make boys really nervous.
Rasp, sadistic and VERY intimidating: Holding a really sharp object to their neck usually does the trick for me.
Blot, confused and VERY intimidated: As a boy, I can confirm that this makes me really nervous.

Ink: A hero without a villain is useless, but a villain without a hero is successful.
Dream, concerned: So what you're saying is that we should become villains?
Ink, reaching for his red paint and Broomy as he spots a random person: Yes.

Basil: Brother, why are you late?
Classic: A technical error occurred causing an unexpectedly long bought of unconsciousness.
Basil: ...You overslept.
Classic: I overslept.

Edge, concerned: Anxiety? What could be giving you anxiety?!
Ariel, gesturing to the Underfell surroundings: Uhh, let's see, how about every aspect of my life?

Dream: Why did you give Angel a knife?!
Killer: She felt unsafe.
Dream: Well now Silver and I feel unsafe!
Killer: I'm sorry.
Killer: ...Would you like a knife?

Dream: *Throws lamp at Nightmare* YoU nEeD tO lIgHtEn ThE fUcK uP!
Dream: *Throws handle at Reaper* YoU nEeD tO gEt A fUcKiNg GrIp!
Dream: *Throws scissors at Ink* CuT tHaT tHe FuCk OuT!
Dream: *Throws refrigerator at Error* CaN yOu ChIlL tHe FuCk OuT?!

Sketch: Making my way down town.
Sketch: Walking fast-
Sketch:
Sketch: -Walking slower so my steps match with BB's because she's small-

Nightmare: Alright, I expect everyone to bring me their ideas and contributions for the plan by tomorrow. Is that alright with everyone?
Bad Sanses: *Mumble of agreement*
Error, new to the gang: What if we forget to bring it in or don't want to?
Dust, not looking up from feeding Sprinkle but sounding deadly serious: I'm afraid we would have to break your legs then.
Cross: *Choking on his drink, laughing*

Dream: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Nightmare: It's usually an oncoming train.
Dream, exasperated: Could you just try not to kill my vibe for 5 fucking seconds?!

Encre, on the battlefield for the first time: Holy shit, a fucking corpse!
Fallacy: Language, dear.
Encre, without missing a beat: Putain de merde, un putain de cadavre!

Error: Still short, I see.
Ink: Still pretending you're not hopelessly in love with me, I see.

Razz: Guys I almost choked to death last night.
Blue: You'll be fine, next time your just have to stay still, breathe through your nose before you take more.
Razz: 
Razz: I was talking about choking on food...What are you talking about??
Blue, blushing and realising his mistake: I was talking about choking on...Stuff in general...
Classic, not looking up from the TV: Red is "stuff in general".

Cross: Nightmare?
Nightmare: Yes?
Cross: Do you think that people who climbed Mount Everest...everest?
Nightmare:
Nightmare: I'm leaving.

Blot: C'mon, Rasp! I wasn't that drunk!
Rasp: You tried to color in my face with bright green highlighter because you said I was important.
Blot, tearing up: But you are!

Blue: I'm not that clumsy.
Stretch: Lie of the decade.
Ink: I'm not that short!
Error: Lie of the century.
Geno: I'm not that attracted to Reaper-
Everyone: L i e  o f  t h e  H y p e r v e r s e .

Ink: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with "s".
Blue: *Looking around in the direction Ink's facing, seeing Error and Dream standing together* Sexual tension?
Ink: You know what, I was thinking more of "scarf," but that works too.

Reaper, trying to flirt: So...Come here often?
Geno: I fucking live here.

Kidnapper: We have your son.
Sci: I don't have any children??
Kidnapper: Then why does it say Daddy on the contact name?
Sci, turning to Red: OH MY GOD, THEY HAVE POLARIS?!

Rei: I don't wear bikini tops.
Rei: I used to, but I stopped because they were always coming undone and falling off.
Millie, sheepishly avoiding Miles' pointed gaze: Yeah...No one knows why that kept happening...

Nightmare, seeing Cross sleep: I just love him so much, he's my everyth-
Cross: *Snores*
Nightmare: ...I can't live like this.

Dust: *Turns on lamp to read*
Candy: You might as well call me that lamp...
Dust, already dreading the answer: Why...
Candy: Because you turn me on~!
Dust: *Slams book shut*

Dream: I'm gonna ask you to be respectful.
Silver, going through a rebellious phase but still being a cinnamon roll: I will politely decline.

Geno: Tommorrow is trash day, just a reminder.
Xhaji: *Immediately stands up and walks outside to sit on the curb*

Dream, on Error's size: He's no man, he's a tree!
Ink: I must be some kinda squirrel then-
Dream: What?!
Ink: What?

Error: Where's your Papa?
Blot: Upstairs with Digi.
Error: Oh, is he putting her to sleep?
Blot: No, he can't figure out how to undo the child lock on the gate.
[Ink's crying echoes throughout the house]

Blue: I'm going to Taco Bell, you guys want anything?
Dream, crying: I want Error back!
Blue:
Blue: Yeah uh, I only have like $12-

Ccino: What's wrong with Nightmare?
Cross: He doesn't handle alcohol very well.
Nightmare: I'm gonna steal the declaration of independance.

Candy: I'm looking for trouble and if I cannot find it, I will create it.

Fresh: Do you care if I take the skin off of the Furby? I wanna make them a God. Once they are free of his sinful flesh, they can begin the path towards enlightenment. They will take care of us...
Fresh: Also, I wanna softhack their circuits.
PJ: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

Chapter Text

Getting hit by a car was  not  on Dust’s agenda today, but, alas, the Multiverse had other plans.  

There he was, goofing off with Horror and Killer whilst Nightmare was trying to get the job done, when  all of  a  sudden ,  a loud beep came from behind them and, unfortunately, Dust didn’t react in time.  

“ MotHERFU CKER -” he screamed as he went flying, the car screeching and twisting around  and managing to knock over Horror (he snickered to think back on it but was still perplexed as to how Killer dodged it not once but  twice ).  He fell into a nearby pond, luckily, but dammit if that didn’t  hurt  he didn’t know what did.  

“Watch the road dumbass!” Horror groaned, Killer wheezing with laughter. The driver’s window rolled down, but Dust couldn’t see from where he was what they looked like.  

“Fucking-  You were in the middle of the road wise guy I’ve got places to be fuck you -”  

“Wait, fuck,” Killer did a double take at the driver, stepping away cautiously. Horror  squinted at them, then groaned.  

“God fucking-  Duuuust , your ex is here,” he called, making Dust scowl.  

“Fuck off Blue we’re doing shit.”  

“ FucK  YOU DUST SO AM I,” Blue yelled, getting out the car and checking to see any damage.  He sighed in relief to see none, then turned around, hands on hips with a scowl.  

“Alright, bitch boys, I’m here to beat your asses-”  

“What a surprise,” Dust groaned.  

“If one of you gets out alive tell  Lav  I love him,” Horror sighed.  

Killer was silent for a moment, contemplating his words, then grinned.  

“What, straight into BDSM? None of us consented ,  you  kinky ass  motherfu -”  

And with that, all the other three knocked Killer out, leaving the adults to talk.  

“Ok that was fun, but I’ve gotta do that to you two as well so...” Blue shrugged, making them groan.  

“Can you just say you didn’t see us?”  

“If I do that then it’s either now or later when I have help.”  

“Blue, Blue, Blue, dearest Blue, the color of the sky, Blueberry-”  

“Fuck you.”  

“- Blue  Blue   Blue   Blue  Blue...” Dust sighed, looking him in the eye. “It’s 1 against 2. Think about this logically, especially if Killer wakes up.”  

Blue paused, then swore.  

“Ok  ok - Dammit, I was never here, see you in like, 5 minutes?”  

“See you, bastard, Sprinkle misses you,” Dust waved, ignoring the heart sent his way. He and Horror just stood there for a few moments after the car  drove off at top speed once more.  

“...He’s still into me.”  

“Yep, he has to be.”  

“God dammit this was his idea.”  

“What the what is going on now?” Killer groaned, sitting up in pain.  

“Nothing, leave the adult business to the adults-”  

“YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU-”