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It's easier to let go (let me hold you)

Summary:

Five times someone noticed something was wrong and the one time someone did something about it.

Portuguese Translation by Beka1010!

Indonesian Translation by loxeliam!

Russian Translation on AO3 and ficbook by Sl_ai!

Russian Translation on AO3 and ficbook by mrs_wilson!

Notes:

Hi...... so first fic! Never thought I would be here lol. BUT this idea wouldn't let me go. Updates should be daily, if not a within a day or two. Its all planned out and mostly written so don't worry about this being uncompleted! This fic does go into some dark topics, so be sure to read the tags. I'd love to hear about what you guys think about it so far.

Ya'll someone is translating this fic into Portuguese. I'm so shook. Thank you Beka1010!

One of ya'll is translating this fic into Indonesian and that just made my heart so warm!! Thank you loxeliam!!!!

One of yall is translating this fic into Russian and i.....have a lot of emotions about it. Thank you Sl_ai!

Another one of you is translating this fic into Russian too!!!!!! My heart is breaking. Thank you mrs_wilson!

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jiang Mingyu did not expect his evening to end up with him clutching his broken ribs, gasping around the blood flooding his chest. He heaved himself off the forest floor, blood staining his robes and teeth. His hand shot out to grab his sword which had been thrown aside when the tendrils of resentful energy hurled him between the trees.

He pulled himself up, choking around a cough. His hands trembled around his sword as he raised his arms and charged the resentful spirit once again. 

He was the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. He had grown up under the teachings of Sandu Shengshou. He would not leave this life lying on the ground. 

No.

That was not how Yunmeng Jiang operated. That was not what Sect Leader Jiang had instilled in him during the long, brutal hours of training. 

No. He would fight. He would fight until the very end. His sword would sing a ballad during his last moments. It would not be silent on the ground, while his lungs rattled on.

No. His sword would be as loud as the gasps barreling through his bloody teeth.

Jiang Mingyu was the head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang. He yelled out to his fellow disciples to fall behind him. He had a duty not only to his Sect Leader, but to his juniors, to this village. 

“Send up a flare for Sect Leader Jiang!”

 


 

When Sect Leader Jiang had pulled him aside earlier that evening to send him off for the scouting mission, Jiang Mingyu was perplexed. 

A village had sent in reports of children going missing during the night, only for the kids to turn up in the morning perfectly fine, wandering the village square.

“With all due respect Sect Leader, it seems that the village kids are just sneaking out to have some fun.”

Sect Leader Jiang looked up from the reports, raising an eyebrow for Jiang Mingyu to continue.

“This disciple simply doesn’t understand why Sect Leader is sending so many disciples to scout the area, when it appears to be childish antics.”

Sect Leader Jiang held his gaze in silence. Jiang Mingyu was starting to feel nervous. He had read the same reports as Sect Leader Jiang, nothing had stood out, he was frankly surprised that the Sect Leader had such a strong and immediate response. 

Jiang Mingyu grabbed the reports once again and settled down on the opposite side of the desk. After reading through them two more times, he finally looked up to Sect Leader Jiang’s calm gaze with confusion. 

Sect Leader Jiang took the reports from him and pulled out a calligraphy brush. He began to look over the reports, underlining certain sections. Once he was done, he looked back at Jiang Mingyu and began to point out the sections he had underlined.

“Head Disciple Jiang, every child sat down with their family and said goodbye before they disappeared.”

Jiang Mingyu was still lost. He only cocked his head with confusion in response.

“Children, who are only going to bed and would be seeing their family tomorrow morning are saying goodbye.”

Jiang Mingyu still couldn’t follow and just wanted to understand what he was missing.

Sect Leader Jiang sighed and Jiang Mingyu watched as something heavy fell under his Sect Leader’s eyes.

“Why aren’t they saying good night, Head Disciple Jiang? Why are these children so adamant about saying goodbye to their families before going to bed?”

Sect Leader Jiang shuffled the reports and pointed out another section he had underlined. 

“The children didn’t ask why they were in the village square when they were found, Head Disciple Jiang. The children asked why they were awake.”

Jiang Mingyu’s eyes widened with his Sect Leader’s implication. 

“You think—” Jiang Mingyu trailed off, his tongue choking on the words.

Jiang Mingyu saw his Sect Leader’s eyes become even darker and heard the softness in his Sect Leader’s voice as he continued.

“I don’t know if it’s something where cultivation needs to be involved, however, what’s concerning is the sheer amount of reports, from the same village, in such a short period of time.”

Jiang Mingyu could only watch as Sect Leader Jiang’s eyes just became heavier and Jiang Mingyu didn’t even know where the weight was coming from.

“The reason why I want to send so many disciples is because even if it’s not cultivation-related, these kids might just need someone to talk to. Different people connect to different people. One kid might talk to you, but another might not even look you in the eye.

Jiang Mingyu feels his stomach climbing up his throat. He wants to throw up. The despair he missed in the reports is choking him.  He doesn’t know how those reports seemed so frivolous before. 

How could he have missed it? 

Jiang Mingyu stands up, straightens his robes, and puts his hands out front and bows to his Sect Leader.

“This disciple will depart right away. This disciple will send an update as soon as possible.”

Sect Leader Jiang responds with a brisk nod, and motions for Jiang Mingyu to leave. 

“Goodbye, Head Disciple Jiang.”

As he packed, Jiang Mingyu wondered if the heaviness in his Sect Leader’s eyes would fade before Jiang Mingyu made his departure. 

It didn’t. 

 


 

Jiang Mingyu charged with his sword, the blade dancing across the resentful spirit as Jiang Mingyu’s chest ached, his arm throbbed. He yells for his juniors to continue subduing the spirit. To hold their ground. 

He will stand until he is no longer breathing. His vision starts to blur, and his clarity bell begins to chime relentlessly. The world is slowly starting to fade, when he catches purple lightning in the corner of his eyes.

Sect Leader Jiang soars into the forest with a vengeance. Zidian crackles in his hands and the whip reaches out to bind the resentful spirit.

Jiang Mingyu musters the strength for one last dash with his sword and sends his sword straight through the spirit’s chest. 

The spirit wailed and thrashed but Jiang Mingyu’s stance held true. The resentful-energy tendrils began to crawl back towards the spirit and the screams became louder. But Zidian only wrapped around the spirit tighter and Jiang Mingyu’s sword only went deeper. 

The silence afterwards came just as quickly as the screams as the spirit began to fade away around Jiang Mingyu’s sword. 

When it was finally over, Jiang Mingyu felt a hand on his shoulder and saw his Sect Leader motion to the healers he had brought with him.

Jiang Mingyu slumped against the hand and next thing he knew, Sect Leader Jiang had wrapped his arms around him and was carrying him to the healers. 

“The resentful spirit was luring kids out to the forest. “

Sect Leader Jiang’s steps faltered for a moment but continued on.

“It would pick its victims before the sun set and as the night fell, its control grew and lured them out of their houses.”

Sect Leader Jiang’s grip tightened on Jiang Mingyu in a motion that Jiang Mingyu knew meant that this conversation could wait until later, but Jiang Mingyu didn’t want to.

“The spirit wasn’t powerful enough to do anything else but lure the kids and whisper in their ears. It told them to say goodbye and that it was time for a nap. When the sun rose, the spirit couldn’t keep control and had to let the kids go. It was biding it’s time, growing stronger every night and pulled the children further and further in. Tonight was the first night it was strong enough to actually cause damage. This disciple doesn’t know what—“

They reached the healer and Sect Leader Jiang placed Jiang Mingyu on the ground with a gruff voice.

“What matters is that the spirit is gone, and can’t hurt this village anymore. I don’t expect anything else from you Head Disciple Jiang. Rest. Let the healers do their job.”

Sect Leader Jiang turned away, but Jiang Mingyu grabbed onto that purple sleeve. 

“Sect Leader, it wasn’t that-“ Jiang Mingyu rasped desperately. 

“The kids— they were fine. We talked to them and none of them were planning— none of them were planning to do that. They were— they were just repeating what the spirit told them.”

Sect Leader Jiang gently grabbed the hand on his robes and placed it beside Jiang Mingyu.

“That’s— good. That’s really good.” His Sect Leader whispered.  

Jiang Mingyu watched Sect Leader Jiang walk away and check on the other disciples and finally let exhaustion sweep him into sleep. But an uneasiness began to settle into Jiang Mingyu’s chest. Its suffocation was greater than his broken ribs, greater than his bloody mouth, greater than his pulsing wounds. 

The heaviness in Sect Leader’s eyes never went away. 

Sect Leader never says goodnight.

Sect Leader always says goodbye. 

 

Notes:

Next Chapter:

Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember the last time Jiang Cheng smiled

Resources:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

The national suicide prevention hotline for the US is: 1-800-273-8255

Here’s a link for those outside of the US. Stay safe lovelies.
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html