Chapter Text
Anakin sat in the center of his bedroom in a meditative position, or as Leia liked to call it “crisscross applesauce.” The way she said it so matter of factly left no room for argument. He had a long day at the shop and felt the need to wind down a little. Anakin was working on a finicky Honda and managed to spill oil all over his glove. Bobby pestered him for quite a while to just take the thing off and he finally snapped at him rather loudly to drop the subject. So, after his shower and throwing his glove in the wash, he plopped on the floor and reached out.
As he was feeling the calming eb and flow of the Force around him, another presence or rather two of them made themselves known. Leia crawled into his lap snuggled up under his chin. Not a moment later, Luke came up behind him and draped over his back, his little head digging into his still damp wet hair. Anakin couldn’t hold back a smile at how content they both were. He could sense them reach out themselves, trying to copy him. Anakin loved these quiet moments. These moments where there was nothing but peace and his two beautiful children.
The Force sensitive family stayed like that for what felt like hours. Eventually, Anakin could sense the twins start to fidget and grow impatient with the inaction. That was fine, they have a much greater tolerance for meditating and sitting still then he ever did. Obi-Wan was truly a saint for his ability to put up with his restlessness as a child and well into his adulthood.
Anakin then felt little finders curl between the ones of his metal hand. Now that their meditation was seemingly over, he opened his eyes and saw that Leia was playing with his mechanical arm. Studying how the pins moved as his fingers curled and uncurled themselves. It’s not like he ever hid it from them. Luke and Leia knew about his prosthetic and understood that other people can’t. Anakin had a little talk with them after Luke asked someone in a wheelchair why they didn’t get a new leg like their dad.
Leia’s eyebrows narrowed in concentration and he could almost hear the gears in her head turning as a question began to form. Anakin left Leia to her thoughts for a little longer until he felt the curiosity burning under her skin and her hesitation to voice her curiosity.
“What’s on your mind princess?” Leia snapped out of her little trance and looked her dad in the eyes.
Force, he still hasn’t gotten over those eyes.
“Um….” Guilt started to come off her in waves.
“It’s ok, you can ask. I won’t get upset, I promise.” Anakin sent out reassurance and smiled down at her.
“Pinky promise?” Great, another one of these earth things.
“You’ll have to teach me how that one works.” She shuffled her position on his lap to face him and held up her hand, sticking her little finger out. Anakin did the same but used his flesh hand. Leia locked their fingers together and put on the most serious face she could muster.
“Now promise you won’t get upset. You can’t break a pinky promise.”
Anakin hunched down a bit more, making sure he didn’t cause Luke to fall off of him. He’s been watching the whole exchange barely awake and stubbornly holding onto consciousness. “Ok”, he put on an equally serious face as his daughter. “I promise I won’t get upset.”
She released his finger and then looked back down at her dad’s metal arm. “What happened to your hand Daddy?” He figured that was what she wanted to ask. Anakin now had Luke’s full attention as well. He can’t blame either of them for wondering.
“Well, it’s not really a happy story kiddo but….” He was now looking at his own arm too, rubbing the cold center of his palm with his flesh thumb. “I lost it in battle years ago. ”
Leia was just staring at him now, speechless. “So, like…. someone hurt you?”
“Yeah, but you don’t need to worry about it. It happened a long time ago.” He hoped he was adding a bit more optimism to the story. He didn’t want Luke and Leia to be scared because of this.
He never wants them to be sacred.
Before Anakin could stumble anymore for something else to say, Luke shifted further up his back and was now leaning halfway over his shoulder. He shifted his arm around and gently poked the hairline scar over his right eye. “Was that another fight too Daddy?”
He let out a small chuckle at his son’s antics. “Yeah that one too, but I won that fight.” He nuzzled his nose into Luke’s and now all three of them were laughing. He didn’t have a shirt on because he had gotten out of the shower right before deciding to meditate, so the two of them proceeded to point to his other smaller scars that littered his body.
They made a sort of game out of it, they would point to one of the little marks of his skin and then he would come up with increasingly outlandish reasons why he got them: hit by a rock, crashing a ship, scratched by a giant cat.
This went on for a few minutes until Luke poked a certain scar that he hadn’t thought about in years. “What about that one Dad?” The scar in question was just below his rib cage on his left side.
Right…. that one….
—-
The temple healer insisted the surgery was not worth the risk. He had to hand it to Obi-Wan, the Knight hounded the healer for hours until she finally put her foot down about it. She wasn’t going to budge on the issue.
Obi-Wan did his best to reassure and comfort Anakin. He repeated over and over that it was deactivated, nothing could set it off and no one could ever use it against him. All of Obi-Wan’s words just sounded muffled. Anakin wasn’t paying attention anymore. His mind was singularly focused on the little piece of metal that he now knew was located just under his left rib. Obi-Wan sent him to bed thinking that would be the end of it.
It wasn’t….
That night, once Anakin felt most of the temple was asleep, he made his way back down to the Halls of Healing. He was on autopilot. Nothing else mattered, not the inevitable pain, not the healer’s warnings and not Obi-Wan’s promises.
Just getting it out.
When he arrived, Anakin sifted around through drawers and cabinets for the sharpest tool he could find. He kneeled down on the floor and mentally prepared himself.
He’s heard the bloody stories some of the others would tell him. Tails of those desperate enough and with nothing to lose, tearing themselves open for even the slightest chance to get away, just so they could savor even a moment of freedom before they bleed out in the sand.
Taking repeated deep breaths, Anakin sliced the scalpel into his side.
He can’t remember much of what happened. The pain clouding his memory. All he knows for sure is that he did not scream. The only sounds that came out of his mouth were deep labored breaths. Somewhere in his mind, he felt a panicked presence bush up against his own consciousness. He ignored it and continued the task at hand.
There was so much pain though….
Eventually he found it. Anakin dug into his chest with nothing but his fingers, not trusting his coordination with tweezers. He grabbed it and pulled.
He was free….
For the first time in his life, he was free. No one had power over him anymore, no one could force him to obey, no one owned him.
He was Anakin Skywalker, and he was free.
He was so overjoyed that he forgot about the puddle of blood on the floor underneath him. The blood that was still coming out of him. Anakin started to notice the edges of his vision blur.
He didn’t even think to find anything that could seal up the wound, his mind flooding with too much joy and pain to form a coherent thought. Anakin thinks he could hear someone shouting his name but maybe he didn’t.
The only thing he knows for sure is that he is free.
He felt someone’s hands supporting his weight just before he slumped over and passed out.
—-
Anakin shook his head and then forced out a laugh. It sounded more like a cough though . He looked both his beautiful children in the eyes. “I think you two womp rats have poked Daddy in the stomach enough for one night.” He still had a smile on his face the whole time.
Suddenly, before the twins had time to react, Anakin scooped them up and blew “raspberries” into both of their heads. The momentary tension from his hesitation to answer was forgotten as both Luke and Leia were hysterical, laughing messes. It probably wasn’t the best idea to rile them up before bed but he couldn’t help it.
After a bit of resistance he finally got them ready for bed. Anakin could tell they were both really tired even though they would never admit it. He was proven right when they got in their beds and their little heads melted right into their pillows.
He walked over to them and kissed them on their heads, whispering a “good night” to each of them. Before he had the chance to lean away from Leia’s side, she wrapped her arms around him and sent love through their bond. Anakin returned the gesture and then laid her back down to sleep.
He turned the light off and closed the door half way before walking back to his own room. Anakin wanted to follow his kids’ lead and get some much needed rest, but he couldn’t. He sat at the edge of the bed and subconsciously rubbed the almost invisible scar under his rib.
Anakin might not understand the significance of it, it’s probably just some children’s game. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty about breaking Leia’s pinky promise.