Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can you please stop twirling that knife so close to my hands?” Alphys huffed, once again narrowly avoiding a slice to her arm. 

She would need to invest in an armored lab coat if Mew Mew (the robot, not the character, despite her insistent kinning claims) kept coming to her for repairs. The combination of moving metal and open circuitry was a hazard, even to an electric-elemented monster like Alphys.

“But you’re taking so long. And it’s so boring. Boring. BORING!” 

Mew Mew fumbled the knife, and it clattered to the floor next to Alphys’s workbench. She bent over to reach for it, but Alphys held her down by the arms.

“No. You are staying put until I rewire your central circuits. Now that you’re fully corporeal, you can’t just find a new body if this one blows up on you.”

“Fine. Fine!” She crossed her arms over her chest. Alphys had to move them back out of the way before Mew Mew could shock herself. “Can’t you at least put on a movie while you do all this boring stuff, mew?”

Alphys allowed herself one self-indulgent sigh. Hearing Mew Mew completely misinterpret another anime would be more torture than listening to her complain.

“How about I put on some music?” she offered instead.

“As long as it’s not boring. You got any skaa, mew?”

“Uh… I don’t think so, sorry. I’ve got nightcore, dubstep, j-pop—”

“That’s good enough, I guess.”

With a few taps on her phone, Alphys broadcasted her “fun songs to feel like a magical girl to” playlist to the lab’s speakers. When Mettaton had funded her lab on the surface, he’d invested in the highest quality sound system money could buy. She was just glad it was loud enough to tune out Mew Mew’s rambling.

“Oh, oh, oh, others come and go, but you’re in my soul, forever-er more…” Alphys sang along to Utada under her breath while repairing Mew Mew’s mangled insides. 

Who had done this much damage? Fights between Mew Mew and Mettaton were normal, but the other robot was still out of town on his tour. For all of Mew Mew's talking, she wouldn't admit who she'd lost to.

The scuffs on Mew Mew's PVC rigging were easy enough to buff out, but severed wires? Even with help from her electrical magic, it took almost an hour to repair.

Finally, though, she set down her pliers and stepped back.

“How do you feel?”

Mew Mew sat up, her cat ears twitching. No smoke was billowing from her mouth, so that was a good sign.

“Wonderful. Wonderful! WONDERFUL!” She leapt up and twirled. When she did that, she looked almost like the real Mew Mew, from Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 1. But of course she had to ruin it by snatching her knife back off the ground.

“Here! As a token of not-enemyship.” Mew Mew grinned and held out the knife.

Alphys blinked. 

“You mean… friendship?”

“Hey, don’t get too chummy with me yet! I still think you’re super weird!”

“Well, that makes two of us,” Alphys muttered, but she accepted the knife. Where had Mew Mew gotten it? It looked rusted enough to have been from the old dump back in Waterfall. “Why a knife, anyway? Mew Mew would give her friends snail ice cream—”

“I’m Mew Mew!” she snarled. “Whatever I do is canon!! And I say snails are NOT! FOR! EATING!!!”

Alphys took a step back. So Mew Mew was as sensitive about snails as Mettaton. She should’ve seen that coming.

“R-right. My bad.” She forced a smile. Better not antagonize Mew Mew when they were finally making progress.

“I should take my knife back.” Mew Mew sniffed and crossed her arms. “But it’s kind of gross, anyway. Soon I’ll find a better one! Chara said they were going to go show me their coolest knives, mew~!”

Chara and Mew Mew. Ugh. Alphys shouldn’t have bothered with her repairs—Mew Mew would be back before the day was over. At least Frisk would be with them to keep them out of trouble. Hopefully. Alphys wasn’t sure how much control Frisk had over Chara’s actions.

“W-well. Have fun?” She carefully set the knife on her workbench. Maybe Undyne would feel like cleaning off the rust later. She could add it to her collection of restored swords and other discarded weapons from the Underground.

“AUNT ALPHYS!” Chara’s voice reached her before the lab door burst open.

She winced. Chara was… well, interesting to deal with on the best of days. She really did not want to be caught in the crossfire of their and Mew Mew’s shenanigans.

“H-hey, kiddo! How’s it going?” She turned around and smiled anyway.

They were wearing their golden heart necklace, the second sign (besides their loud voice) that it was Chara fronting and not Frisk. The third was the wide grin that showed their teeth. 

At first, it had been weird getting used to that expression on Frisk’s face. But now, a year after reaching the surface, Chara was just another part of the family. Just like the grumpy flower they held in their arms.

“Char Char~!” Mew Mew pranced over to hug them. “Are you ready for an awesome afternoon with Aunt Mew Mew?”

“Duh.” They hugged her back.

“Not yet,” Flowey protested. “You promised we were going to—”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get your petals in a twist.” Chara flicked one of the golden petals sticking out of his face. “Can you wait on us outside, Aunt Mew? We gotta talk to Alphys.”

“Of course, mew~!” She practically floated out the door. 

Some of her ghost properties seemed to remain even though she was fully corporeal. Alphys would like to study that, but the effort would probably be more trouble than it was worth. 

“You—you wanted to talk to me?” She turned to the two kids. Or three kids. She couldn’t always tell if Frisk was listening too.

Chara nodded and set Flowey’s pot on the workbench. Then they tucked their locket under their shirt.

“Oh. Hi, Frisk.” Alphys relaxed a little. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Chara, even if they could be a little… unsettling. It was just, they’d never really addressed the fact that Alphys had watched Chara and Asriel’s home videos? And that she was probably the only one who knew how Chara really died? And… yeah. It was awkward. She might be better at not lying now, but who would want to open that can of worms?

“Hi Aunt Alphys,” Frisk signed. “You were helping Aunt Mew again?”

“Ugh, get to the point,” Flowey grumbled. “We don’t have all day.”

Alphys’s brow furrowed. She didn’t have all day either—she still needed to clean up for date night—but it wasn’t every day that the kids needed her for something. 

It felt nice to be needed.

“Y-you can sit down, if it would be easier,” she offered, rolling out her chair from under her workbench.

Frisk shook their head before signing, “Sorry. Chara and Flowey are nervous about this.”

“Am not,” he mumbled, but he wouldn’t face them.

“So I thought it would be easier if I explained.” Frisk’s hands clenched and relaxed a few times. 

Alphys gulped. “I-is it the tapes? B-because I can give them back, or, um…”

Frisk’s head tilted, and then they gave the sharp sign for no. 

“I’d like that, actually,” Flowey cut in, but Frisk ignored them for the moment.

“You gave Mettaton and Mew Mew bodies,” they signed, their expression serious.

Alphys blinked. She started to sweat.

“H-ha, yeah! I b-build robots with souls. Did you guys want a science lesson…?”

It wasn’t like she wanted to lie. But Mew Mew and Mettaton’s secrets weren’t hers to share. If they wanted to reveal their histories as ghosts, they’d probably do it on live television, in the middle of a chainsaw battle.

Frisk shook their head. “It’s okay. I know about them.”

“U-um, know—?”

“They were ghosts.”

...Well. She hadn’t told them, at least. She just hoped Mettaton would believe that it wasn’t her fault.

“Oh, don’t pretend you’re surprised. Frisk knows everything,” Flowey said.

“I fought Mew Mew before she was corporeal,” Frisk signed. “And I broke into Mettaton’s old house.”

Alphys sighed. 

“You know what? I don’t want to know.”

“I told him I was sorry.” The faintest hint of a smile tugged at Frisk’s lips. “Anyway. Us three have been thinking. If you made bodies for ghosts, could you make new bodies for Chara and Flowey?”

Oh.

Oh.

Could she? The bodies wouldn’t be a problem—robotics were her element—but the actual soul transfer… Chara and Flowey weren’t ghosts. Probably. It was hard to tell what Chara was, exactly, and Flowey definitely didn’t have a proper soul.

“I—I don’t know.” She wrung her hands together.

“Told you she couldn't do it,” Flowey muttered. 

“I d-didn’t say that!” she protested.

If she could give Flowey a real body—well, that might finally ease some of the guilt she still felt about his situation. If she couldn't fully transfer his consciousness, she could at least fashion some advanced prosthetics for him. Honestly, she should’ve thought of that ages ago. If she weren’t such a loser…

No. We don’t do that anymore. Remember Papyrus’s training. She was great, she was a delight, she was loved.

Frisk tapped her on the arm. 

“Alphys?”

“S-sorry. I was just thinking.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll need to run some tests on you both—er, on Chara and Flowey. I don’t want to make any promises, just in case—”

“Thank you!” Chara shouted out loud, beaming and throwing their arms around her.

“Oh, so now you come back out.” Flowey rolled his eyes.

“Shut up. You didn’t want to ask, either.”

“It’s okay to b-be scared,” Alphys said while hugging Chara back. “I’m sure this c-can’t be easy for you, um, being like…”

“Living in Frisk’s head?” Chara let go and shrugged. “They’re cool. They let me out when I want. I get to hug Mom. I get to dunk on my brother.”

“Yeah, yeah, just wait ‘til I’ve got arms again. I’m gonna dunk you. In the toilet!”

Alphys stifled a snort at that. They were so different from the kids in the videos… but a hundred years, intense emotional trauma, and a few body swaps could do that. It was a miracle they were mostly okay.

“I’d like to see you try, Azzy.” Chara grinned, their eyes glinting red.

“L-let’s just start with seeing if it’s possible, first,” she interrupted before they could really start fighting. “I’ll prepare some tests tomorrow. Just have fun with Mew Mew today, okay?”

“Okay!” They snatched up Flowey’s pot, and he yelped. “See you tomorrow, Aunt Alphys!”

They bolted back out the door, which slammed shut behind them. 

Alphys shook her head and chuckled. What would it be like to have that kind of energy? She was already exhausted, and apparently she’d just loaded more work on her plate.

It was important, though. She would do everything she could to make sure those kids got the childhood they’d been robbed of.

She pulled her phone out of her lab coat pocket and tapped on Undyne’s number.

“Hey, babe? Is it okay if we reschedule date night? Something came up…”

XXX

Ugh. Her back was killing her. Did she fall asleep at her desk again…? What time was it, anyway?

She stretched, pushed her skewed glasses back onto her snout, and blinked at the clock. 2:36 AM. Her back must have really hurt to wake her up at this time.

BANG BANG BANG. Someone pounded on her front door. What the…?

“ALPHYS! ALPHYS!!!”

“P… Papyrus…?” She rubbed her eyes and hopped down from her chair. “You do know some of us actually need sleep, ri—”

She opened the door. And found Sans staring at her with wide eyes.

“ALPHYS! I—AAAAAAAA!!” Sans pointed down at the ground, where his brother was sprawled lifelessly.

“‘Sup, Al?” Papyrus said in a tired voice.

“DON’T ‘SUP’ DOCTOR ALPHYS!! YOU’VE GOT TO—TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT NOW!!!”

Alphys blinked and wiped off her glasses. All that did was get more grease on them. She wasn’t sure that being able to see would answer any of her questions, anyway.

“I’m dreaming. Right?”

“I wish,” Papyrus, who didn’t sound like Papyrus at all, mumbled.

“GET UP, SANS!” Sans—who was definitely not Sans—shouted. Somewhere in her bleary thoughts, she was grateful she didn’t have neighbors.

“L-let’s. Uh. G-get you guys inside?” She bent down to help drag “Papyrus” into the lab.

It looked like her long day was about to get a lot longer.

Chapter Text

Sans was having a bad time. No, that was an understatement. He was having the bad time. Why couldn’t Papyrus let him go home and sleep this off? Everything would go back to normal in the morning, right…?

No. Not with his luck, it wouldn’t.

“...AND THEN I ENDED UP IN THIS—IN THIS INSUFFERABLE ORB OF A BODY!” Papyrus threw his arms—Sans’s arms—in the air. “NO OFFENSE, BROTHER.”

“None taken,” Sans mumbled into Alphys’s tile floor. 

She should invest in a rug, or some carpet, or something. You never knew when a friend would need to crash on your floor because he’d swapped bodies with his energetic brother.

“Let me get this straight.” Alphys rubbed her temples. She looked about as exhausted as he was. “Sans, you messed up a shortcut… and then somehow, you ended up in each other’s bodies?”

“That’s the gist of it.” He sighed.

“Has this ever happened before?”

He shrugged. Even his shoulders felt too big. How did Papyrus stand it?

“I stuck myself in a few walls when I was a kid. Nothin’ like this, though.”

“IT’S TRUE. SANS MAY BE LAZY, BUT HE’S ALWAYS VERY CAREFUL! WHICH IS WHY I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED!!!” Papyrus stomped his foot. Considering he was wearing Sans’s slippers, the sound wasn’t very impressive. 

Sans wanted his slippers back.

“Everyone screws up eventually,” he mumbled. 

This screw up was a combination of staying too late at Grillby’s, not watching where he was going, and Papyrus appearing to take him home at the wrong moment. Sans had tried to shortcut home just as Papyrus stepped into the bar. Somehow he’d shortcutted them both home. Just not in the right bodies. 

The trek back to pick up Papyrus’s car had been a pain.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU WEREN’T DRINKING?”

Sans tried to roll his eyes. Since Papyrus’s body didn’t have eyelights, it didn’t work.

Man. How was he going to intimidate anyone without turning his eyelights off?

“You know I’m too fragile for that, bro. Which reminds me, I need you to freak out a little less,” he waved an arm in the air, “enthusiastically. My body can only handle so much fun.”

Papyrus’s eye sockets widened. 

“ER—RIGHT.” He crossed his arms, but still bounced with nervous energy. “SO, CAN YOU HELP US, DOCTOR ALPHYS?”

She bit her lip. 

“I’m, well—I’m no expert on bodyswaps. Unless you count the several thousand words of fanfic I’ve read, heheh… w-which I don’t! So, um, I g-guess I’m saying… I don’t know.” She sighed. “But I’ll try my best. I was preparing some tests for Chara and Flowey. If I run them on you guys, it might give us a better look at what’s going on at the Soul level.”

She shuffled through some papers. It was hard to see them from his angle, but one fell near his head. A dark ring of drool stained it.

“Tests?” He brushed the paper away with the back of Papyrus’s glove. “Geez, Al, I thought you’d at least give us a study guide first.”

She rolled her eyes. “Look. I know you guys are freaked out, and Sans is coping with humor as usual—”

“Guilty.” He grinned.

“—but I really don’t think I can do this right now.” She sat down in her desk chair. “I’m not being self-deprecating, I swear. I’d just rather do any tests after a good night of sleep. If I made anything worse… w-well. I don’t think I would, this time, but it’s better to be safe, right?”

She didn’t have to convince him. He would pass out right here if Papyrus would let him. 

“BUT—WHAT IF IT GETS WORSE FROM NOT DOING ANYTHING?” 

“How exactly would this get worse?” Sans asked. “I can’t get more stuck in your body.”

...Could he? Like Alphys had said, this was new territory. Who knew if there was a time limit before their switch became permanent?

Hell, for all he knew, it could already be permanent.

Heh. At least he wouldn’t have to endure any more “little brother” jokes.

“OH MY G—WHAT IF I GET MORE STUCK IN YOUR BODY???” The same thought must have dawned on Papyrus. He dropped to his knees, balling his fists in the hem of Alphys’s lab coat. “PLEASE! DOCTOR ALPHYS, YOU’RE OUR ONLY HOPE!!!”

“Er—w-well…”

“C’mon, Paps, I ain’t that ugly. You’d live.” Sans sat up. Weirdly, he was starting to feel a little less tired. “You heard Al. She needs her rest if she’s gonna help us.”

“DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO DRIVE HOME? I HATE DRIVING WITH YOUR STUBBY LEGS!! DO I NEED TO REMIND YOU HOW MANY BONE ATTACKS IT TOOK TO MAKE A BOOSTER SEAT??”

Sans snorted at that. There was a reason he’d never bothered learning to drive. ...Well, that and the fact that his shortcuts were easier, anyway. But since getting stuck in Papyrus’s body, he hadn’t been able to access that ability.

“You gotta learn how to take us home the old fashioned way.” Sans winked.

“UGH! YOU MAKE BENDING TIME AND SPACE SOUND SO EASY!!”

Alphys glanced between them. 

“Y-you could stay here tonight. If you want. I mean, Mettaton had a guest room built for when he stays over. You’d have to share the bed, but it’s a king size. There’s plenty of room.”

“METTATON! OH MY GOSH!” Papyrus’s eyelights shrunk to panicked pinpricks. “I’M SUPPOSED TO TAKE HIM ON A DATE TOMORROW! I CAN’T GO OUT LIKE THIS!”

“Darn. Guess I’ll just have to go in your place.” Sans grinned. “I’ll be sure to eat plenty of expensive food for you.”

“THAT ISN’T FUNNY, SANS!! WE’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS! HIS SCHEDULE IS ALWAYS SO BOOKED WITH TOURS, AND I’M BUSIER THAN EVER RUNNING THE RESORT—”

“Paps. Don’t forget to breathe.”

For a second, that shocked Papyrus out of his spiral. But then he just glared at Sans.

“WE’RE SKELETONS, SANS! WE DON’T NEED TO BREATHE!!”

He shrugged unrepentantly.

“Guys.” Alphys hopped out of her chair and stood between them. In Papyrus’s body, Sans was at her eye level while sitting. “I’m really sorry. But I do need you both to go to bed. I’ll do my best to fix everything in the morning. A-and if I can’t, um, in time for your date, I know Mettaton will understand.”

“Yeah, bro. I’m pretty sure he likes you for more than your pretty face.” Sans grinned.

For all his teasing, he knew Mettaton was the least of his brother’s worries. The robot was smitten enough that Papyrus could switch bodies with a Vulkin and he wouldn’t care.

Papyrus sighed and seemed to deflate. “YOU’RE RIGHT. I… I AM SORRY FOR TAKING THIS ALL OUT ON YOU TWO. I AM NORMALLY MORE GREAT THAN THIS.”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. It’s my fault for getting you into this mess in the first place.” 

Sans looked away, choosing to focus on Alphys’s wall of anime posters instead. Too bad real life wasn’t an anime, or this subplot would probably be wrapped up in two thirty-minute episodes. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Alphys forced a smile. “I’m the great Doctor Alphys, remember? I… I’ll find a way to fix this. So just… relax and get some sleep, okay? I’ll show you to the guest room.”

Sans picked himself up off the floor. Hopefully Alphys had some clothes he could borrow. If he had to spend all night in these booty shorts and shoulderpads, even he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

“The bathroom’s attached if you need a shower.” She opened the door into a lavish pink room, which was pretty standard for Mettaton. Papyrus oohed and aahed anyway. “Just, uh, be sure you pick the right setting. Mettaton usually leaves it on WD-40 instead of water.”

“No worries. We’re probably just gonna pass out, anyway.” Sans gave her a smile. 

She really was one of the best friends a guy could ask for. Almost anyone else would’ve kicked him out the second he flopped on their doorstep.

“Thanks for putting up with us,” he added. “And for putting us up.”

“Is Papyrus’s body rubbing off on you? That almost sounded sincere.” She elbowed him with a smirk.

His face heated as Papyrus laughed. 

Was he rubbing off on him? Sans looked at his gloved hands, as if they’d have the answer. Then he shook his head. He was being stupid. Whatever was or wasn’t happening, he couldn’t do anything about it until tomorrow.

He told Alphys goodnight and then rummaged in a bedazzled dresser for a pair of pajamas. The shirt had some anime girl Sans didn’t recognize on the front. The pants were MTT-brand and had “OH YESSSSS!” printed across the butt. That would’ve been awkward enough even if there weren’t a bunch of tiny Mettaton faces patterning them. Which there were.

“Paps would probably kill for these.” He chuckled to himself. Maybe he’d ‘accidentally’ wear them home and then give them to Papyrus once this was over.

Papyrus was currently in the bathroom, probably starting his forty-minute-long “skin care” routine. At least Sans would have a silky smooth skull to look forward to when he got his body back.

He climbed into bed, expecting to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the overly soft pillow.

He didn’t. And he didn’t fall asleep in the next thirty minutes after that. He was still lying there, staring at the ceiling, when Papyrus returned and fell face-first into the mattress.

“Uh. Need some help getting up there?” Sans chuckled.

“STUPID STUMPY BODY,” he muttered.

Sans rolled over and lifted Papyrus onto the bed by the back of his shirt. He’d changed too, and was wearing one of the tees from Mettaton, Napstablook, and Shyren’s tours. The shirt looked more like a dress on him.

“I WAS GETTING THERE.”

“Sure you…”

Papyrus let out a loud snore.

“...were?” 

Sans blinked. Papyrus never fell asleep like that. He hadn’t even tucked himself in—he was just flopped on top of the pink comforter, like… like Sans.

“Great.” He sighed. If Papyrus could now fall asleep in a blink, then it only made sense that Sans had gotten his insomnia.

He fished his phone out of the shorts he’d left on the nightstand. Only he and Papyrus hadn’t thought to swap phones back after the incident, so it was his brother’s sleek red phone that he found. There went his plan to text Toriel and update her on the situation.

“Man, she’s gonna flip out…” If she hadn't already. She would've expected them home hours ago.

He sighed. The responsible thing to do would be to at least send a text from Papyrus’s phone.

He opened up the phone (using the password COOL DUDE) and ignored the thirty texts from “MTT <3.” He navigated to Toriel’s contact… and couldn’t help backreading the few messages that were already there.

Most were standard texts, grocery store requests, planning rides for Frisk… but some of the more recent ones were about him.

TORIEL: Do you think Sans would prefer Lemon Meringue, or Key Lime? There are so many recipes that I would like to try…

TORIEL: Or would he like neither? Should I stick with the classic butterscotch-cinnamon?

TORIEL: I am afraid that would be too boring.

Sans’s brow furrowed. Was his birthday coming up and he’d forgotten again? Nah, it was March. His birthday wasn’t until October.

ME: You could never bore Sans!! Go for the key lime. He needs to eat more fruit anyway!! And meringue would get all over his face!!!

TORIEL: Ha ha, thank you, dear. Sorry for making you put up with this old woman’s ramblings. ]:) Sincerely, Toriel.

ME: It’s always a pleasure to talk with you, Miss Toriel! Even through text, where I am not actually talking to you. B) <- me with very radical cool shades!!

ME: Also I left my dating handbook by the TV in case you need it!! B) (But I don’t think you will! Because you are already very cool! And you wear clothes all the time!!!) Sincerely: a skeleton who believes in you a lot!

TORIEL: Thank you again Papyrus. I will be sure to continue wearing clothes. ]B) Thank you for sharing your very cool shades with me. Sincerely, Toriel.

“...What the heck, bro.” He stared at the screen. “I can’t believe you’d rob me of the chance to make meringue jokes. I whipped so many of them up.”

He chuckled at his own pun. Papyrus let out a loud snore, which he chose to interpret as an affronted laugh.

But seriously. Was Tori going to ask him on a date? The timestamp was this afternoon. Would she have asked him out if he hadn’t gotten stuck dealing poker at Grillby’s?

Didn’t she know that she was a million miles out of his league?

He barely remembered that he was supposed to text her as if he were Papyrus. His gloved fingers shook as he typed out the message.

ME: Sorry we didn’t make it home! Sans passed out at Doctor Alphys’s!! What a lazy orb!!!

He flicked over to the camera and snapped a badly-lit selfie, making sure to include Papyrus in the corner. 

“Geez, that’s unsettling.” He whistled and went to set the phone down—only to feel it buzz in his palm.

TORIEL: Oh dear. I am sure he had a long night. Thank you for letting me know.

TORIEL: And please do be kind to him, alright? I do not mean to overstep, but I know your words have quite the effect on him.

TORIEL: Sincerely, Toriel ]B)

Had she been waiting up all night to make sure they were alright? He grimaced.

“Geez, old lady. You really are too good for me.”

ME: Don’t worry Toriel, he would tell you the same thing himself!! B)

ME: PS you should ask him to bake you a pie, since you’re always doing so much for him!!!

ME: NOW GET SOME SLEEP!!! Sincerely, a skeleton who cares about you very much!

Sans turned off the phone before he’d be tempted to check for replies. There was no point in keeping her up just because he couldn’t sleep.

But at least he now had some nice thoughts to keep him company.

Chapter Text

Alphys's tests weren't like puzzles. Unless the puzzle was "how long can you be still and not pick at the weird suction cups while this big machine spits out boring graphs." 

In which case the answer was five minutes and twenty-two seconds.

"SANS, CAN YOU CHECK MY POCKETS? I BELIEVE I LEFT A JUNIOR JUMBLE IN THERE FOR EMERGENCIES." Papyrus started to swing his stubby legs back and forth, but the wires connected to the machine held his tibias in place.

"Sure. Be good for Doctor Alphys while I'm gone, little bro." Sans winked before ambling out of the lab.

Papyrus grumbled and gripped the armrests of his chair. Of course this whole mess wasn't bothering Sans. Nothing ever bothered Sans! How could he always stay so calm and collected when Papyrus just wanted to scream? 

"I-it won't be much longer," Alphys assured him. "I know what I'm looking for from Sans's data."

Sans had woken up hours before him, so Alphys had run his tests first. Papyrus couldn't remember a time Sans had been awake before him. Something must be wrong with this body. Maybe Alphys could figure that out while she was running these other tests.

“WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, EXACTLY?”

“U-um. So you know how each monster’s magic has a different pattern of vibrations, right?” She went on without waiting for him to answer. “The magic that makes up our bodies, I mean. Those vibrations allow our dust to take up more physical space while having less matter than humans. It’s like each dust particle occupies more than one point in space at once, and… w-well, that’s not so important.”

“IT IS INTERESTING, THOUGH! I DIDN’T KNOW ALL THAT.” 

Existing in more than place at once… that almost sounded like Sans’s shortcuts. Maybe Alphys would be more helpful in explaining how they worked. Sans always shrugged and said it was “just something you feel in your bones.”

“W-well!” Alphys smiled. “The vibrations! Yours—your body’s, I mean—seems to have a much higher frequency than Sans’s. I compared your body’s pattern to that of the older bone attacks you’ve given me, and they seem the same. Which means your body’s structure wasn’t damaged when you and Sans switched.”

"THAT'S GREAT!"Papyrus grinned. “THAT EXPLAINS WHY SANS CAN’T SHORTCUT NOW, TOO. HIS MAGIC STAYED WITH THIS BODY, RIGHT?”

“I… u-um.” Alphys looked away, focusing back on the machine’s monitor. Papyrus couldn’t see it from his chair, not that he would’ve been able to interpret the graphs anyway. “I’m—I’m not sure? I didn’t want to scare him while he was here, b-but maybe you can help me. He… his body… i-is it always so…?”

“LUMPY? ROUND?” Papyrus’s brow furrowed. “FRAGILE?”

She looked up. “L-like… one HP fragile?”

“YES! SORRY I DIDN’T TELL YOU. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW.”

He’d known about Sans’s condition his whole life, but Sans hated making people worry. Of course he wouldn’t have brought up his health, even when it was important.

“I didn’t. But that explains these readings. His magic’s frequency is… w-well. I didn’t know a monster could survive with a frequency that low. When he told you to be careful with his body, he was actually being serious.” She sounded surprised by the realization, but Sans could be serious. He just tended to bookend any sincerity with jokes.

“I CAN HANDLE IT, DOCTOR ALPHYS. AFTER ALL, I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF SANS PRACTICALLY AS LONG AS HE’S TAKEN CARE OF ME! I’M GOING TO TAKE SUCH GOOD CARE OF HIS BODY, HE WON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE IT WHEN HE GETS IT BACK! NYEH HEH HEH!!!” He flexed his arms.

“P-please don’t tug on the nodes.” Alphys rushed to reattach one of the suction cups to his humerus.

“OH. SORRY.” He moved his hands back to his lap.

He missed his gloves, but they were too big for his now-tiny hands. He tried to mimic the comforting texture by balling his fists in the soft fabric of Mettaton’s tour shirt.

It wasn’t the same.

“Anyway. It might not be that simple,” she said while tapping her claws against the keyboard. “Regular training can improve attack and defense, but HP is tied directly to the soul's frequency.  The only way I know of to change that is by increasing, er, LOVE."

"YOU MEAN I CAN LOVE MY BROTHER INTO INCREASING HIS HP?" he joked. Alphys didn't seem to get it, though. Maybe he should've added an audible wink.

"N-not exactly. He would need to—"

"I KNOW, DOCTOR ALPHYS. AND HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT." Papyrus frowned. "YOU SAID HP IS DEPENDENT ON THE SOUL?"

"Yes. The higher the frequency, the higher the HP. Frequency doesn't seem to affect anything else, though. Attack and defense are dependent on amplitude and wavelength, respectively, which can each fluctuate with a monster’s emotions—" 

“WAIT.” His eye sockets widened.  “IF I’M IN SANS’S BODY, AND HIS BODY HAS ONE HP, AND HP DEPENDS ON THE SOUL—I HAVE SANS’S SOUL???”

“Oh.” Alphys’s face reddened. “I w-was supposed to break that more gently. But, um, that’s what the data suggests. I don’t have a control group for his magic, since he’s never, um, given me any bone-gifts…”

He barely heard her over the sound of his screaming.

“HOW CAN I STILL BE ME AND HAVE MY BROTHER’S SOUL???”He clutched at his chest.

He was still him. He remembered everything he'd done yesterday. He'd arranged the resort staff's schedules, calibrated the mini golf puzzles, taken his car for an oil change, and, of course, tried to pick up Sans from Grillby's.

“That’s where things get confusing.” She sighed. “I’m doing my best, here. But souls… no one’s ever figured out exactly what they are. We call them the culmination of our beings. We say they’re made of love, hope, and compassion. They have frequency, wavelength, and amplitude like a wave, and yet they interact with dust to give our bodies the illusion of a physical form. They’re magic that can produce more magic, either in the form of bullets or offspring! Monsters are thousands of years old, and we still don’t even know how that works!”

Papyrus blinked as she tugged on her spikes.

“UM. WOULD HAVING A BABY PUT MY SOUL BACK TO NORMAL? OR IS THIS ONE OF THOSE METAPHOR-PUZZLES…?”

“S-sorry. I get a little carried away with this stuff.” She adjusted her glasses sheepishly. “I'm only the expert on monster souls by default. And I just—I wish I knew more. If I did, maybe I could answer your question. But the truth is… I just don’t know.”

She sat back in her desk chair, and her tail curled around her legs. She… she really was trying her best. She always did.

He felt the lights in his eyes dim. He was being an awfully poor Compassion Coach right now.

“IT’S OKAY.” He reached his arm as far as the little suction cup would allow. It wasn’t quite far enough to pat Alphys’s knee, but she politely scooted closer. “YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING. YOU, AND ME, AND SANS—WE’LL FIND THE ANSWERS TOGETHER! AND IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS HAS ALREADY TAUGHT US SOME IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT SOULS, RIGHT?”

“R-right!” She sat up a little straighter. “L-like, before now, I thought that a monster’s consciousness would be tethered to their soul! Except in unique cases like Chara and Flowey! But now we know that consciousness can be transferred independently, which opens up a whole realm of possibilities! Maybe I can even—”

She pushed off of his chair with her tail, rolling herself back to the computer. A flurry of clicking came from her keyboard.

“MAYBE YOU CAN WHAT?”

“If I can fix you and Sans, then there has to be a way to save them!”

“You don’t think we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves?” Sans strolled back into the room. One of his gloved hands held Papyrus’s Junior Jumble book. The other held a smoothie, which he slurped loudly.

“SO THAT’S WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!!” Papyrus scowled. “...CAN I HAVE SOME?”

“Heh. Knock yourself out.” Sans set the puzzle book on the table beside him, then passed him the smoothie.

He took a big sip—and choked when the clashing flavors of mango and mustard hit his mouth.

“SANS!! MUST YOU RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD BEVERAGE WITH YOUR STRANGE CONDIMENT ADDICTION???”

“Only if I know you’re going to ask to try some.” He winked and took the smoothie back. “MTT made the right call on installing that smoothie bar. You should tell him thanks for me.”

“I DOUBT HE PUT THE MUSTARD THERE! HE HAS STANDARDS!!”

“Nah, that was me. He did leave a nice stockpile of edible glitter, though.” Sans went back to drinking the smoothie like it wasn’t pure poison. Honestly, it was a miracle he didn’t lose his one HP from his awful eating habits. At least the fruit was a step in the right direction.

Of course, since he was in Papyrus's body, it wouldn't affect his health either way.

“Was he good for ya, Al?” Sans asked.

“Papyrus was great, as always.” She gave him a sincere smile. “He helped me piece a few things together. I’m ready to share my preliminary hypotheses.”

She finished her typing and ripped a graph from the printer. Papyrus took that as his cue to remove the pesky suction cups.

Under Alphys’s recommendation, they took the two escalators up to the living room. Papyrus grabbed a non-tainted strawberry smoothie on the way. The smoothie bar was a great idea. Of course, his boyfriend always had fantastic ideas, even if he usually needed assistance implementing them. Papyrus was always happy to help with that part.

“So is it good news or bad news, doc?” Sans crossed his leg over his knee as he reclined on the couch. He was still wearing the MTT-Brand Hotpants he’d borrowed. Even if Papyrus wished he were wearing them himself, he could at least appreciate that they looked good on his body.

“W-well. This is only the first batch of tests. There’s only so much the wave analysis can tell us, but so far so good? I think?” She cleared her throat and spread her graphs across the coffee table. One showed a wave that spiked up and down in a rhythmic pattern. The other was nearly a flat line, only disturbed by a few small bumps.

She pointed to the first graph.

“This is your current magic reading, Sans. That is, it’s Papyrus’s body’s magic.” Then she pointed to the second one. “This, um, is Papyrus’s reading. Sans’s body. Papyrus told me that these readings are, um, normal? For you?”

Sans sighed. He set down his smoothie.

“Heh.  Can’t get anything past you two, huh?”

“IT WASN’T A SECRET, WAS IT?” Papyrus’s browbone creased. “IF IT WAS, YOU CAN’T HIDE IT FROM YOUR DOCTOR! HOW IS SHE SUPPOSED TO HELP IF SHE DOESN’T HAVE ALL THE FACTS?”

Sans tugged at his collar. “Right… sorry.  Just didn’t want to worry ya.”

“It’s okay. The important thing is, we know both of your bodies are stable.” A drop of sweat beaded on Alphys’s forehead. “I saw no change in your soul readings over a forty-five minute period, which would have been long enough to show any signs of decay. And Papyrus’s magic was identical to his control group. Sans, I didn’t have a control for you, but if this looks normal—”

“It is.” His voice was flat.

“R-right. Then I don’t think we have anything to worry about, short-term. Um.” She swallowed. “So I bet the big question now is, how are we going to get you guys back to normal?”

“RIGHT!” Papyrus looked back and forth between his brother and his friend. “AN EXCELLENT PUZZLE, WHICH I AM WILLING TO FACE WITH ALL OF MY WITS!”

“Great. What’s your bright idea?”  

Sans sounded tired already. That didn’t make sense. They shouldn’t both feel tired. Papyrus was doing an excellent job of pushing through it though, if he did say so himself.

“WELL!” He clapped his hands together. “I SAY WE ASK DOCTOR ALPHYS FIRST, BECAUSE SHE IS THE BRILLIANT EXPERT! AND THEN WE TAKE TURNS GIVING IDEAS, NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS THEY MAY SEEM! THIS IS AN UNPRECEDENTED PROBLEM, WHICH REQUIRES AN UNPRECEDENTED SOLUTION!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!”

Alphys blushed a light red. “Thanks, Papyrus. Um… I think the next step would be to conduct another experiment. You can both use blue attacks, right?”

Papyrus looked at his brother and grinned.

“IN THE FIELD OF BLUE ATTACKS, WE’RE THE CREAM OF THE CROP!”

Sans chuckled at that. “We’d be happy to show off the fruits of our labor.”

It was an inferior pun to Papyrus’s, but seemed to put some enthusiasm back in his voice.  

“Great.” Alphys grimaced. That was a pretty standard reaction when hit with back-to-back puns. “I was thinking you should try passing one attack through another. Then we can test if the attacks’ frequencies change.”

Sans nodded. “We got ourselves scrambled by passing through the same space at the same time. Guess this could mimic that on a small scale.”

“I’M WILLING TO TRY IT!” Papyrus leapt up from the couch, but overestimated the length of his legs. He ended up stumbling into the coffee table and sloshing smoothie onto Alphys’s reports. “UM.  OOPS?”

“Don’t worry. Not the first time I’ve gotten food on my lab reports.” Alphys scooped them into a nearby trash can. “I’ll just print out a new one. But, um, bones are a little harder to clean up, so let’s go outside before testing this next—”

“AUNT ALPHYS!” Chara’s voice echoed from downstairs. “FLOWEY AND I ARE HERE FOR THE SCIENCE STUFF!”

Alphys’s eyes widened. Then she said a word that should not be repeated around the children.

“Swear jar.” Sans grinned, but sweat collected on his forehead. "Don't you ever lock the door?"

“Undyne and Mettaton broke it down too many times.” She covered her face with her claws. "I totally forgot I told Chara and Flowey to come back today. I'm not ready for them; they're going to be so disappointed…"

Why were Sans and Alphys suddenly nervous? The children of all people would understand the struggle of being stuck in the wrong bodies.

“OH, AND MOM’S HERE FOR UNCLE PAPYRUS AND DUNKLE SANS!”

Sans blushed red. Papyrus grinned. His feelings were growing more and more obvious by the day!

“WELL, LET’S NOT KEEP THEM WAITING!” Papyrus dashed for the escalator.

“Wait, Paps, don’t you want to—” Sans called, but he was already on his way down. 

“I WANT TO SEE MY FAVORITE NEPHEW AND NIBLINGS!” He did force himself to take the escalator slowly, though. He wouldn’t want to trip or get his socks caught in the mechanical parts. He couldn’t wait to get his feet back into some properly supportive boots.

“Sans, you’ve outdone yourself this time,” Sans sighed to himself behind him.

“OH, STOP BEING SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN! I’LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ELOQUENTLY AND SUCCINCTLY, SO YOU CAN BE AS LAZY AS EVER!”

He stepped off the escalator in time to see Chara, Flowey, and Toriel all staring at him.

“Is this a joke?” Flowey grumbled in Chara’s arms. “Where’s the doctor?”

“Heh. It’s some kind of joke, alright.” Sans’s forehead was dripping so much sweat, some of it fell on Papyrus’s skull. Just one more wonderful part of being the little brother.

Toriel’s eyes widened. Flowey’s tiny jaw dropped. Chara started laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

“Papyrus, are you feeling well…?” Toriel stepped forward. Towards Sans.

“OVER HERE!” Papyrus waved helpfully. “I KNOW I’M MUCH HARDER TO SEE AT THIS HEIGHT. BUT I’M ENDURING THIS AWFUL STATURE QUITE GRACEFULLY!!”

“Papyrus—Sans—?” She pointed back and forth between them before her hand covered her mouth. “Oh dear.”

“Understatement of the year, Tori.” Sans chuckled nervously.

“Man,” Chara said when they caught their breath. “This is gonna be so much fun.”

Chapter Text

Chara, be nice, Frisk said inside their headspace.  

Why? They’re fine, Chara thought back. Besides, this could mean Mom won’t go out with Dunkle Sans yet.

I thought you were over that. Don’t you want her to be happy?

Of course I do! Chara scowled. But it’s still really freaking weird!

Mom had a knowing smile on her face as she looked at Sans, who was sweating buckets. Chara didn’t have any hard feelings about the times Sans had killed them, but watching him squirm was objectively hilarious.

...Okay, it is a little funny, Frisk said. What do you think happened between them? He’s not just nervous because he’s in Papyrus’s body, is he?

I dunno, Chara replied. They wouldn’t be embarrassed if they got stuck in Azzy’s body. They’d just be really annoyed about not having legs. 

You’re in my body right now, Frisk pointed out. You should know how our uncles are feeling better than anyone.

That doesn’t count. Being stuck inside Frisk felt normal. Sure, they missed being able to do a few things on their own. Frisk’s eyesight sucked, which made throwing knives difficult. Frisk forced them to eat Uncle Papyrus’s charred spaghetti too often, and didn’t appreciate 90s pop music nearly enough.  

And there was no privacy. Ever.  

You don’t have to pretend you’re okay with the way things are. Aunt Alphys is going to get you your own body. I know she can do it.

If Frisk knew something, you could count on it. The universe itself bent to their determination.

They shook off that thought. Alphys was finally coming down the escalator.

“H-hi, guys…” Her shoulders were scrunched so high, she looked more like a turtle than a lizard. “I, um, I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I’m busy helping Papyrus and Sans today. It might be a little longer before I can help with, um…”

Her eyes darted to Mom.

“The children told me,” Mom said calmly. She hadn’t been thrilled about Alphys running tests on them, but she trusted their decision. Chara had been prepared for a lot more resistance.

She probably hoped that Alphys could bring back the Chara and Asriel she remembered. That wasn’t going to happen. Azzy had his own plans for his new body, and Chara… well. They’d see if Alphys could even help before wasting their time on character design.

“O-oh!”  Aunt Alphys smiled nervously. “Great!”

“So I stayed up all night drawing my body for nothing?” Azzy grumbled. “Stupid smiley trashbag, always ruining everything...”

“Papyrus’s ears work as good as mine, y’know.” Sans grinned.

“Neither of you have ears!”

“COME ON, FLOWEY! I KNOW YOU CAN USE KINDER WORDS THAN THAT!” Papyrus skidded over to them.

It was weird to see Sans’s body move so fast. The last time they’d seen that had been…

It’s okay, Chara. Frisk’s warmth glowed within them. It was the closest they could get to hugging each other.

One day… one day Chara would be able to hug Frisk for real. The thought filled them with determination.

“Hey, Chara.” One of Azzy’s vines tugged on their t-shirt. “Get out my drawing. I want to show Papyrus how awesome I’m gonna look.”

“PLEASE,” Papyrus added for him.

Chara rolled their eyes, but set Azzy on the floor and pulled his binder out of their backpack. He was very particular about keeping his artwork safe. Chara used to be the better artist, but Azzy had practiced more since becoming a flower. His old drawings had been lost with the resets, but since coming to the surface, he’d made a lot more. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. 

“Thanks Chara,” Azzy said as he snatched the paper from them. “Anyway, so one of my arms can turn into a gun, and I can summon lightning strikes from…”

Chara wandered away from the two of them. Through Frisk, they'd already experienced the "God of Hyperdeath" firsthand.

It doesn't bother me, Frisk said. It's kind of sweet.

Of course you would think so. Chara rolled their eyes. 

It wasn't like Azzy's overpowered OC bothered them. They'd teased him about it all night. They'd just rather eavesdrop on something more interesting while they were here.

Aunt Alphys and Mom were discussing the tests Chara and Flowey would have to go through. Ugh. Somewhere in the back of their mind, Chara remembered another scientist's tests. Ivory hole-punched hands and a twisted grin.

But Aunt Alphys wasn't him. The reward for her tests would be worth enduring a few prodding needles.

Dunkle Sans was skulking in a corner of the lab. In Papyrus's body, he wasn't as hidden as he probably hoped he was.

"Hey, Dunkle Sans!" Chara grinned and skipped up to him. "How's the weather up there?"

He gave them a flat look. 

"Cloudy with a chance of…" 

Suddenly, he picked them up and spun them around. 

"Tornadoes!" 

Chara laughed loudly. They felt Frisk's joy bubbling inside them, too. 

"What are you doing?" Chara asked when Sans finally set them down. "You're not just trying to look cool in front of Mom, are you?"

"Pfft, your Dunkle Sans is always cool." He puffed out his chest. The action looked much more impressive in Papyrus's body. "I just thought I’d cash in on this height thing while it lasts."

Ever since Frisk hit their growth spurt last fall, they had an inch on Dunkle Sans. They would probably have to endure short puns until Aunt Alphys fixed him.

“Do you like being tall?” They squinted up at him and finally realized what he was wearing. “I didn’t know you liked Sailor Moon.”

“Huh?” He blinked down at his shirt. “Oh, this is Al’s. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to wear shoulder pads to bed.”

Chara smirked. “And the Mettaton pants?”

“I didn’t want to wear booty shorts to bed, either.” He ruffled their hair. “You got a problem with my style, pal?”

Frisk asserted their presence, and Chara took that as their cue to step back into their headspace.

“We should go shopping for some new clothes!” Frisk signed. “Since yours won’t fit now.”

“Heh. Sorry, kiddo, but I think me and Paps will be busy with Al’s tests today. ‘Sides, hopefully this mix-up won’t last long.”

“What happened?” Frisk asked, then tucked the locket under their shirt. Guess they wanted a little more time in the driver’s seat.

“Just a shortcut that cut my bro a little too short.” Sans winked.

Frisk gave him a deadpan stare.

Come on, that was a good one, Chara chuckled inside them.

“Seriously. I botched a shortcut. Took Paps through by accident, and we came out like this on the other end.” He looked away, but Frisk tugged on the end of his shirt.

“Can’t you just shortcut back?” they signed. “Undo whatever you did?”

Sans blinked.

“I dunno. I can’t shortcut at all. I’ve got my bro’s magic now. But if he can figure it out… might be worth a shot, huh?”

Frisk smiled, and Sans ruffled their hair again.

“I’ll ask Al about it. You mind distracting your mom in the meantime?”

“Why?” Frisk raised their eyebrows and put their whole arm into the sign. Even Sans couldn't sneak out of a direct question like that.

“Uh.” He started to sweat again. Frisk had been right—something happened between him and Mom. “I’ll pay you thirty G to forget about it.”

Tell him to make it fifty, Chara prodded, but Frisk ignored them.

Frisk was still staring. If anyone could win a staring contest with a monster who didn’t need to blink, it was them.

“You’re, uh. Really determined to make me crack, huh?”

Frisk gave a sharp nod.

“Geez. Guess I’m just delaying the inevitable.” Sans bent down on one knee and covered his mouth conspiratorially. “The truth is… I told her I like lemon meringue pie better than key lime. She got reeeeeal offended about it.”

Frisk glared.

“I mean it.  Would I lime to ya?”

“Yes,” they signed.

Suddenly a shadow fell over them.

“What are you two troublemakers up to?” Mom bent down and kissed the top of their head.

Chara instinctively fronted again.

“Just telling Sans we ate all his key lime pie.” Chara grinned and pulled the necklace back over their shirt. “He said he thinks key lime’s gross anyway.”

"Did he, now?" Mom gave Sans a smug smile.

Ugh. She wasn't buying it at all. She definitely knew something they didn't. 

"Heh… uh…" Sans tried to shrink. If he wanted to act like a turtle, he should've kept Papyrus's shoulder pads.

"Perhaps he can bake me a pie of his choosing, then. How does that sound, Sans?"

"Egg-celent." His grin looked tighter than normal. "Uh. Because I'll make a meringue. With eggs."

"Real smooth, casabone-a." Chara smirked. “Do you need me and Frisk to give you some flirting tips?"

Frisk giggled within them. I thought you didn't want them to date?

Changed my mind. This is freaking hilarious.

Even Mom seemed amused, though she tried to hide it with a stern look.

"Chara, please stop ‘flexing’ the fact that you can flirt and Sans cannot.”

Sans’s jaw dropped. Literally. His mandible fell off and clattered to the tile. Chara joined it, rolling on the floor laughing.

“G-get dunked on!” They got out between cackles.

“SANS! YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MY BODY TOO, YOU KNOW!!!” Uncle Papyrus rushed over and scooped his jawbone off of the floor. Sans couldn’t explain himself until Papyrus snapped it back in place.

“What? What’s so funny?” Flowey called from across the room.

“Nothin’, kiddo.” Sans grimaced, working his jaw until it popped a few times. “Hey, Al, don’t you have some more tests for us?”

He slipped past Chara and Papyrus and darted towards her.

“WAIT FOR ME! YOU’LL NEED MY BLUE ATTACK EXPERTISE TOO!” Papyrus chased after him.

Mom chuckled into her paw.

“I am glad you found that amusing, my child,” she said while helping them to their feet. “But I am serious. Your mom has enough ‘game’ to make up for him.”

Chara wasn’t sure whether to giggle or groan. Papyrus never should have tried to teach her slang.

“So.” Chara cleared their throat and looked away. “You actually like him? Like, like him?”

Chara and Frisk just flirted for fun. They’d realized most people weren’t like that. If Mom wanted to flirt with Sans, it meant something.

Mom knelt down beside them.

“There are many ways to love someone, my child.” She cupped their face in her soft hand. Her voice was just as gentle as her touch. “I love him differently than I love you, and differently than I loved your father. But there is something there. Does that upset you?”

“No.” They frowned. “It’s just weird. You and Dad were always so gross. But you and Dunkle Sans just like, roast each other and look at memes and stuff. Plus he’s a skeleton.”

“It is untraditional, but so is each member of our family. Including you, Chara.” She tapped the locket over their chest. “I am not attempting to replace your father. I do not expect you to treat Sans or I any differently. But I… I have lived long enough to know how short life can be.”

She gave a somber chuckle.

“I suppose that does not make much sense.”

“No. It does.” They looked away.  

The locket felt heavy around their neck. They didn’t need to open it to picture the two photos inside—one of their old family, the Dreemurrs, and one of their new family, all of the friends they and Frisk had made in their travels through the Underground.

They knew how easily both families could disappear.

“I love you, Mom,” they said quietly, throwing their arms around her.

“I love you too, my child.” She squeezed back, warming Chara and Frisk both. Her hugs were the best feeling in the world. Better than the last bar of chocolate, better than dropping a pun at just the right moment.

“If Dunkle Sans makes you happy, then you go get ‘im, hot mama.” They winked.

Mom let out a bleating laugh. “You are putting ten G in the flirting jar when we get home.”

Chara grinned. Worth it.

Of course it’s worth it to you, Frisk grumbled. I’m the one who did the dishes for that money.

“You know, I always assumed that it was Frisk who had the... strange flirting tendencies,” Mom commented. “Did they rub off on you?”

“A little.” Chara grinned sheepishly. After a year of sharing a body, it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. But Chara hadn’t been this flirtatious before, had they? It was difficult to remember.

Sorry, Frisk said. You get the flirting from me. But the bad puns are all you.

“My puns are great,” Chara grumbled.

Mom’s ears twitched, but she didn’t say anything. She could usually guess when Chara or Frisk was talking to the other.

“Frisk says it’s them,” Chara spoke up louder. “Which is fine, because it’s their money going in the flirting jar.”

After settling that, Mom decided they should rejoin the others, who had moved outside for the skeletons’ next “test.” Sans and Papyrus were sending tiny bone attacks back and forth across the lawn. Alphys watched from a safe distance while scribbling notes on a glittery pink clipboard. What was she hoping to learn? How badly the skeletons’ attacks had been nerfed?

Chara almost tripped over Azzy’s pot, which sat on the front step. His vines were crossed sulkily.

“This is so boring,” he complained. “They can both fight harder than this! Why are they being such babies?”

“They are not putting on a show, my child.” Mom chuckled and bent down to stroke his petals. “I am glad they are being careful.”

That made sense. Uncle Papyrus wasn’t used to Sans’s body. If he hurt himself by accident…

It’s okay. We’ll take care of him, Frisk reassured them.

I didn’t say anything, Chara grumbled back.

You didn’t have to. They could feel Frisk grinning. It’s okay to be worried. I am, too.

Frisk shouldn’t be. There was nothing to worry about. The skeletons’ attacks intersected in the middle of the lawn, where they couldn’t inflict damage on anyone. Sans’s translucent blue bones passed through Papyrus’s solid white ones, then vice versa. Once enough bones littered the lawn, Alphys signaled them to stop and began stacking them like Jenga blocks on top of her clipboard.

Chara darted over to help. There was no way she was going to be able to carry those all by herself.

“Th-thanks, Chara.”  She smiled. “Sorry again that I couldn’t help you today…”

“It’s fine.” They shrugged. They’d been inside Frisk for over a year now. A few more days, or even weeks, wouldn’t make a difference. “You learn how to fix Sans and Papyrus yet? ‘Cause if not, Frisk had an idea.”

“W-well, I have to run some tests on the attacks before I’ll know much.” She sorted the bones into different pockets in her lab coat. “What was Frisk’s idea?”

Chara noticed Dunkle Sans loitering close enough to eavesdrop. They pawned off their armful of bones on him.

“You’ve got long arms now. No excuses,” Chara told him before turning back to Alphys.

“Aye aye, kiddo.”

Now that their hands were free, they tucked the locket under their shirt and let Frisk sign.

“What if Papyrus takes Sans back through a shortcut?” they asked. “Sans said a shortcut was what switched them in the first place.”

Sans shrugged. “Not a bad idea, right Al?”

“That’s—that’s less than a bad idea!” She grinned. “Wait, more than a bad idea? A-anyway, it’s worth a try! But it could be dangerous, if Papyrus doesn’t know how to use Sans’s magic…”

“I’ll teach ‘im.”

“TEACH ME WHAT?” Papyrus, despite being in Sans’s body, managed to balance a tower of bone attacks in his stubby arms. “THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS EAGER TO LEARN!”

Frisk smiled, and Chara found themself relaxing. With all of them working together, everything would turn out fine. It always did eventually.

“I should still test the attacks, first,” Alphys spoke up. “Let’s go back inside.”

Frisk shook their head. “Sans, help Alphys,” they signed. “I want to talk to Papyrus.”

Chara could feel their nervousness, but not their exact thoughts. What were they planning?

“O-okay? Um, take your time! The tests will take me a awhile, anyway.”

“Pawning off all the work on me. I see how it is.” Sans accepted Papyrus’s load of bones.

“YOU COULD STAND TO WORK A LITTLE HARDER, NOW THAT YOU HAVE MY STUPENDOUS MUSCLES!”

Sans chuckled. “Can’t argue with that.”

Sans and Alphys left them alone on the lawn.

“WHAT IS UP, MY TINY FRIEND? THOUGH YOU DO NOT LOOK SO TINY ANYMORE...”

“I’m worried about you,” Frisk signed. “You only have one HP now.”

Right. Frisk did say that they would take care of him.

“I KNOW. IT IS A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY TO CARE FOR MY BROTHER’S BODY.” Papyrus smiled, but it looked a little forced. “BUT I WILL BE ALRIGHT, AS LONG AS UNDYNE DOES NOT NOOGIE ME!  NYEH HEH HEH!!”

Frisk winced. That was what they were talking about. Even their fake hit against Undyne had done one damage. Just playing around with Papyrus would be dangerous unless he learned to dodge like Sans.

Frisk crossed their arms and gave him a serious look. He glanced away, grimacing.

“I HAVE CARED FOR MY BROTHER FOR A LONG TIME. I KNOW THERE ARE MANY THINGS HE CAN’T DO BECAUSE OF HIS HEALTH. NOW I WILL JUST KNOW THOSE THINGS AGAIN, ONLY MORE PERSONALLY.”

“I know you’ll be careful,” Frisk signed. “But if anything happens…” Their hands froze at the end of the word.

Determination.

Chara startled. You’re really worried, huh?

I’m being prepared,  Frisk replied. Papyrus is our friend. Our uncle. He’s the one who…

Who stopped us, Chara finished. Yes, they remembered. When they’d been so afraid, when they’d thought their only choice was to destroy everyone and end the world again… he’d been there with his arms open wide.

He’d believed in them.

“FRISK?” Papyrus asked quietly. “ARE YOU TALKING TO CHARA?”

They nodded. “Chara wants you to be careful, too. They really care about you.”

I can tell him that myself, they grumbled.

Actually, they could do better than that. They had an idea.

“I CARE ABOUT YOU TOO, CHARA!” Papyrus smiled wide. “I PROMISE, I WILL BE FINE. BETTER THAN FINE! I WILL BE GREAT, AS ALWAYS!!”

“You are always great,” Chara pushed forward to say. They pulled out the locket—but this time, instead of leaving it on top of their shirt, they undid the clasp behind their neck.

Are you sure? Frisk asked. They had already guessed what Chara would do.

It’ll just be for a little while. The reassurance was more for themself than Frisk. I’ll use something else when I’m fronting. Aunt Alphys got us those cool keyblade necklaces.

Chara felt Frisk’s warmth. It gave them the strength to hold out the locket to Papyrus.

“CHARA…?”

“This locket will add ninety-nine to your defense,” they explained. “I know some attacks don’t factor in defense, but it should protect you from any accidents.”

Papyrus stared at the golden necklace, his eyesockets wide.

“BUT… CHARA, THAT’S YOUR…”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s my special best friends locket from before I died. So take good care of it, okay?”

The chain jingled when they shook it. Finally, Papyrus reached out his hands to take it.

“WOWIE! I AM BEING GIVEN SO MANY RESPONSIBILITIES LATELY!!” He started to sweat. “IT’S A GOOD THING I AM SO RESPONSIBLE!!!”

“We just want you to take care of yourself,” Frisk signed while staring at him intently. “If anything goes wrong, we’ll make it right again.”

“But we’d really rather not have to,” Chara chimed in. The surface didn’t have as much ambient magic as the Underground. It made performing specific resets much trickier.  They really didn’t want to redo last week’s English essay just because Papyrus got himself noogied.

“THANK YOU FOR THE FRIENDSHIP LECTURE. I KNOW IT IS ONLY BECAUSE YOU CARE!” He squeezed them in a tight hug. “I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING REMOTELY DANGEROUS. AND YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO TRAVEL ACROSS SPACE AND TIME! WHICH SOUNDS EVEN MORE DANGEROUS!! SO PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!!!”

Chara laughed. “Deal.”

Chapter Text

Toriel took note of the dark circles under Doctor Alphys’s eyes and prepared a smoothie for her. The smoothie bar had some… interesting ingredient options. Toriel stuck with banana, coconut flakes, and a small scoop of peanut butter. It wouldn’t be as filling as a home-cooked meal, but hopefully the drink would keep the smaller monster from keeling over while she attached wires to each of the skeletons’ bone attacks.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Alphys sounded guilty when Toriel set the plastic cup down on her desk.

“And you did not have to help my children.” She smiled.

She and Alphys did not always see eye to eye—for more reasons than their respectable height difference—but it was difficult not to care for someone her children regarded so highly.  

“I haven’t done anything yet.” Alphys held the cup between her hands, but didn’t drink.

“No one expects you to produce instantaneous results.” However much Toriel wished that could be the case. “We can leave for the time being, if that would allow you to work in peace.”

The children, Sans, and Papyrus were making quite the racket upstairs. Their banter could be heard over the clashing of Alphys’s anime swords. Toriel had been worried that they would break the toy weapons at first, but Alphys assured her that Undyne had put them through far worse.

“Th-thank you, Toriel.” Alphys smiled gratefully. “And, um, thanks for trusting me, too. I w-won’t screw up this time.”

That wasn’t the most comforting sentiment, but it was the best that Toriel could expect from her.

Despite many protests from Chara, Frisk, and Flowey, who were all enjoying the mock fight, Toriel was able to corral her family towards the cars. The children wanted to ride with Papyrus, which wasn’t a surprise. The red convertible was far more ‘swag’ than her gray minivan.

Though even if it were not, she suspected that her children would still conspire to leave her alone with Sans.

He whacked his skull while climbing into the passenger seat.

“Ow,” he grunted. “This height thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Toriel stifled a laugh. It was still odd to see her dear friend in his brother's body, but his puns and voice were a familiar comfort.

"Perhaps you will grow to appreciate it.”  

She smiled and turned the key in the ignition. Papyrus had already taken off at a modest speed ahead of her. Frisk or Chara—it was impossible to tell at this distance—turned around in their seat to wave.

Sans was oddly quiet. It was a testament to his anxiety that he didn’t pun back immediately.

“Oh dear. Do not tell me your jokes are in short supply.”

He laughed a little more at that one. “Sorry, Tori. It’s hard to reach your level.”

“I suppose I still have a few inches on you.” She would’ve winked, but she was keeping her eyes on the road. One could never be too careful in these human machines. “Did you return Papyrus’s phone to him?”

She heard rather than saw Sans slink down in his seat. 

“Heh. I knew you caught me red-handed.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him flex his red-gloved fingers. Oh, that was a good one.

“I just wanted to keep you updated, honest,” he continued. “My bro fell asleep with my phone, and it was pretty late to drop the whole bodyswap bomb on you.”

That was fair. She would’ve driven straight to Alphys’s house regardless of the hour if she had known the truth.

“I am not upset, Sans.” She flicked her blinker before making a turn. “If anything, I am worried about your self-perception.”

“What, ‘cause I called myself a lazy orb? I was just messin’ around.”

“Mmm. Well, for what it is worth, I was not. Your words can have a great effect on yourself.” 

She wished she could look him in the eyesockets while she spoke. He was so dear to her. Why could he not be a little kinder to himself?

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied after a moment. That was the closest to a promise she would receive from him.

“...Uh,” he spoke up again. “Did the kiddos actually eat all the pie?”

“They did.” She chuckled.

Once it had become clear that he would not be home before their bedtime, it had been difficult to restrain them. She swore Chara and Frisk each had their own stomach. 

“Do you actually intend to whip up some meringue?”

“Dang it, I was going to make that pun.” He sighed. “I’ll crust have to bake up another one.”

She laughed so hard she snorted. 

“Your jokes are always ful-filling!”

“I dunno. I think I better stick ‘em back in the oven. They’re filling a little half-baked.”

Oh dear. She had to hold in her laughter, or risk tearing up and losing sight of the road.

“Would you, uh. Actually like a pie? If I baked you one?” His voice held a touch of hesitation. “I mean, I’m not half the baker you are. Wouldn’t want to disappient ya.”

She nearly choked on her laugh. That one was horrible. She loved it.

“Sans, I crust that I will enjoy whatever you bake… within reason.” She had to add that caveat, or risk biting into a slice of ketchup pie.

He chuckled at that. 

“Alright. Just don’t say I didn’t warm ya.”

After all of that, she still had not broached the subject that the pie was intended for. Though if he had truly read her texts with Papyrus, he likely knew.

She would like to ask him on a date. It would not even be overtly romantic; she only wanted to spend more quality time with him, in a comfortable setting where they could enjoy themselves. Perhaps it was silly to feel so self-conscious about that at her age. They already lived together, for stars’ sake! But she had not been on a date in over one hundred years. She wished she could channel the confidence she had projected in front of her children.

They thought she was a “hot mama.” The thought was both flattering and mortifying.

“So, uh… you got any plans for the weekend?” Sans asked. “The kiddos are headed to Fluffybuns’ house, right?”

“Yes.” She instinctively gripped the wheel a little tighter.

“And I think my bro is still having his date with Mettaton tonight.”

Of course, Toriel had heard all about Papyrus’s plans. His pop star boyfriend had finally returned from tour today. Papyrus had the date circled on the kitchen calendar, and he had eagerly crossed off every passing day in anticipation.

“I hope he is not too distressed by…”

“Wearing my bones around? Nah.  He’ll be fine. The old calculator loves him no matter what he looks like.”

Toriel smiled. “They are both very lucky to have each other.”

“Yep. And I’m lucky to get a family discount at the slopes.”

Toriel blinked. Everyone knew about Mettaton’s ski resort. It was a popular attraction for both humans and monsters, since magic preserved the snow even during the warmer months. Toriel took Frisk and Chara there on occasion. Sans had never joined them, though.

“Do you, now?” she asked.

“Well, no. But since Papyrus is the manager, and I’m borrowing his body, I think I can cut us a deal.”  

She laughed before the implication set in. Sans? Skiing? Or snowboarding, possibly. She preferred the board herself. It was difficult to picture him doing either activity.

“If you want to,” he said quickly. “I just, uh. Know it’s something you like. And since I won’t die if I crash into a tree right now…”

“Sans.” A conveniently placed stoplight allowed her to look at him. “Are you asking me on a date?”

Skiing wasn’t the date she would have planned. She expected to lounge with him at the house and put on a cheesy movie. Perhaps if they were feeling daring, they would go out to karaoke night at Grillby’s. His idea excited her, though. It had been snow long since she enjoyed winter sports with anyone but her children.

Plus, it was a bit of a relief that he met her botched invitation halfway. Perhaps he had some ‘game’ after all.

Sweat dripped from his skull. He tugged on the collar of the anime shirt he’d borrowed. ...Alright, so he did not have game. She found his awkwardness endearing anyway.

“Well. I was really hoping to have a real date on me. Like, uh, the fruit. That pun doesn’t really work without one…”

She bit her cheek to keep from laughing.

“Oh, in that case, I will have to say no. I couldn’t possibly accept an invitation without the proper pun backing it,” she teased.  

His face went pink, rather than his typical light blue. 

“Man.  I knew I was just setting myself up to get owned.”

She laughed, her soul fluttering. He was such a doofus. How had she ever been embarrassed to share her feelings with him?

The car behind them honked, and she was forced to turn her attention to the road. They were almost home, anyway.

“I am only teasing, Sans. I would love to ‘shred the slopes’ with you.”

She would really love to watch him wipe out, but he was already nervous enough. She would save the rest of her teasing for later. Hopefully while he crashed face-first in the snow.

“Really?” He sat up straighter. 

"Really."

“You're not joking.  We’re actually going on a date.”

She laughed. “It does take some time to sink in, does it not?” 

She was going on a date with Sans. While he looked like Papyrus. That might be… somewhat strange. Well, at least she had not been planning to kiss him on the first date, anyway.

Oh dear. First date. She was certainly getting ahead of herself.

“Huh. Cool.” He chuckled nervously. “Having any regrets yet?”

She pulled into their home’s driveway and was finally able to look at him again. His grin didn’t waver, but his shoulders were scrunched up to his cheekbones.

“No, Sans.” She hoped her affection shone through in her smile. “No regrets at all.”

Chapter Text

“Oh… we’re here already…?” Napstablook hovered above their seat as the limousine pulled into Papyrus’s driveway. The seatbelt went through Napstablook’s incorporeal body, but they’d insisted on buckling it anyway.

“Don’t sound so excited, Blooky!” Mettaton’s fans whirred in anticipation.

He stowed his phone in the pocket of his pink suit. It was a classic outfit, one that Papyrus always complimented. It felt fitting to wear on their first date after being separated for so long.

“Oh… sorry, Mettaton…”

“I am only teasing, my dearly beloved bandmate.” He blew Napstablook a kiss, since most other forms of affection were ineffective on them. “My excitement is more than enough for all of us.”

“We’ll miss you, Mettaton!” Shyren said from above the driver’s seat.

"Don’t miss me too much, darlings. Just think of me posing dramatically until our next band practice." He squeezed to the front of the car and gave Shyren a quick kiss on the cheek, then bent down to press one to her agent's head. Together his two friends were able to drive the limousine without crashing into any lampposts, trashcans, or small white dogs, which was more than Mettaton could say for himself. 

With them driving, he could focus on more important matters, like sending his boyfriend selfie updates every three-point-five minutes. 

Normally Papyrus would respond with photos of his own, but all Mettaton had received since turning his phone off airplane mode were text messages. Maybe Papyrus had a glamorous outfit prepared that he didn't want to leak before their date. The possibilities made Mettaton giddy.

Would it be excessive to send a selfie from Papyrus’s front yard? The hedges in the flower bed were manicured in the shape of his smile. They looked lovely, and he could pair the photo with a witty comment that would make Papyrus laugh out loud, and Mettaton would be able to hear his wonderful NYEH HEH HEH before even entering the house…

Or he could just walk up and ring the doorbell. Less extravagant, but after a month of being away, he was eager to see his boyfriend in the flesh. So to speak.

He waved goodbye to Shyren and Napstablook, then practically floated up the steps to the porch.

A fart noise blurted out when he rang the doorbell. Ah. Sans must have replaced it in the time Mettaton had been away. It was a small thing, but he worried about what else he’d missed. He loved the stage, the lights, the fans… and of course, he loved spending time with Shyren and Blooky again, even if neither knew his true identity. His cousin had a new light in them after finally chasing their dream. There was no point in burdening them with the past.

Mettaton’s inner monologue nearly drowned out the noise of someone approaching the door. Not Papyrus. Mettaton would have instantly recognized his powerful footsteps.

“Good evening, dear,” Toriel said when she opened the door. A purple scarf was draped around her neck, and a puffy silver coat hung over one arm.  

“Hello, beautiful!” He kissed the air in front of her cheeks. He would never get over the magnificent feeling of owning lips. “I see you’re prepared for cold weather. Are you headed out to my resort?”

“I am.” Her smile held a giddiness he wasn’t used to seeing on her. “It seems we both have dates planned tonight. Speaking of which, Papyrus is still getting ready. Come in.”

She held the door for him. He knew about her date already, of course. Papyrus had sent him several excited texts about the latest “Soriel” development this afternoon. 

“Congratulations!” Mettaton shot confetti from his fingertip. Just a small amount. His boots were outfitted to vacuum it up afterwards. “And you chose my resort for the location? I knew you had excellent taste, darling! I hope you and Sans have a wonderfully romantic evening.”

Toriel chuckled. “I am not so sure about romantic, but I do believe it will be fun.”

The rest of that conversation was discarded as Papyrus shuffled out of the hallway.

He wore an oversized purple hoodie with a cartoon drawing of a snail and the words feeling sluggish on it. Was it coincidence? Was it fate? Had Papyrus learned of the past Mettaton had tried to bury?

He would confront those fears later. Mettaton was still overjoyed to see his boyfriend’s beautiful face.

“Sugarskull!” Mettaton ran to him, leaping into his arms.  

“Uh—” Papyrus grunted before catching him with blue magic. Mettaton loved the weightless euphoria of his boyfriend’s magic, but normally he would also use his arms.

“Oh dear.” Toriel covered her mouth. “Papyrus didn’t tell you?”

Papyrus laughed. It was more of a low wheeze, nothing like the NYEH HEH HEH that Mettaton loved. What was going on?  

“Darling, if you need space, I—” he began, but Papyrus cut him off.

“Uh, this is gonna sound real weird,” he said. It already sounded weird. That was definitely not his love’s voice. “Geez, I really thought he’d told ya…”

“Had told me what?” Mettaton crossed his arms and scowled. Papyrus—or not-Papyrus—still held him aloft with magic. It was starting to make his soul squirm. “I’m a star, darling. I don’t do well in the dark.”

“Stars are always in the dark. It’s kinda their thing.” Papyrus grinned.

Suddenly Mettaton recognized his voice.

“Sans?” He gasped.

“Bingo. Uh, I’m gonna put you down now, okay?”

“Please lower me into my grave while you’re at it,” he muttered while falling back on his feet. He’d almost leapt into the arms of his future brother-in-law. How mortifying!

Sans snickered. “Try not to feel too low. My bro’s already got that covered.”

Mettaton’s eyes widened. 

“Is he alright? If you’re in his body, then is he…?”

“I’M SORRY, METTATON.” Papyrus finally appeared behind Sans.  

Sure enough, he was in his brother’s body. He wore a tiny red suit that looked brand new, and a vaguely familiar locket rested over his chest. He covered his face with a wide-brimmed hat.

“Oh, darling.” Mettaton brushed past Sans so he could place his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. Mettaton usually towered a foot over Papyrus, but in Sans’s body, Papyrus barely came up to his waist. “How are you feeling? Are you alright?”

It was no wonder Papyrus hadn’t sent him any selfies recently. When had this happened? How had this happened? He was bursting with questions, but Papyrus seemed rattled enough without being interrogated.

“I’M PERFECTLY FINE!  I AM JUST… SMALL. AND I CAN’T REACH YOU TO KISS YOUR GORGEOUS LIPS.”

“Now that is a problem I can solve, darling!”

Mettaton scooped him up and pressed a smooch to his teeth. An electric tingle shot through him, just like it always did when he kissed Papyrus. It didn’t matter what his body looked like; he was still his adorable, wonderful boyfriend.

“Welp.  I’m leaving,” Sans deadpanned. “Don’t do anything weird with my body, okay?”

“IT’S ALRIGHT, SANS!  YOU KNOW METTATON IS ASEXUAL, JUST LIKE YOU!”

Papyrus had brought that up when Mettaton had first come out to him. It would be nice to bond with Sans over their shared experiences, but there never seemed to be time. Maybe one day they would go on a double date, now that he was with Toriel.

Sans shrugged. “Doesn’t have to be sexy to be weird.”

“SAYS THE ONE WHO DRINKS ABOMINABLE CONDIMENTS! ANYTHING I DO WITH YOUR BODY WILL BE PERFECTLY NORMAL IN COMPARISON!!”

“Sure.” Sans shrugged again. “You ready, Tori?”

“I’ve been waiting on you this whole time,” she teased.

“Hey, it’s not my fault none of my clothes fit. Thanks for the hoodie, by the way.”

“It still swallows you,” she chuckled while adjusting his drawstrings.  

Mettaton breathed a sigh of relief. Papyrus didn’t know of his connection to snails after all.

Though… would it be so terrible, if he did know? Mettaton would rather Papyrus learn the truth from himself than from Frisk or Alphys or, heaven forbid, Flowey.

No, this was supposed to be a fun, carefree evening. Mettaton wouldn’t ruin it by dredging up useless history.  

“GOOD LUCK ON YOUR DATE!” Papyrus called, waving from Mettaton’s arms.

Sans looked over his shoulder and winked.

“I will.”

“THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!”

“I know.”

Sans and Toriel disappeared into the garage. Mettaton chuckled.

“You’ve been dying to use that one, haven’t you?”

“ONLY EVER SINCE WE WATCHED MEGAMIND! SO PRACTICALLY FOREVER, WHICH IS ALSO HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING ON MY BROTHER AND TORIEL TO GET TOGETHER. IT’S ONLY THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL ADVICE THAT SHE EVEN ASKED HIM OUT!”

“You’re quite the matchmaker.” Mettaton smiled and hugged Papyrus closer. As strange as it was for his boyfriend to wear Sans’s face, there was some benefit to being able to cradle him like this. “Though I must say, my favorite match is still you and I.”

“AWWWW.” Papyrus smiled. “I MISSED YOU, METTATON. AND I… AM STILL SORRY FOR NOT WARNING YOU ABOUT MY, ER. CONDITION.” He looked away.

“Darling.” Mettaton leaned in, so their foreheads were pressed together. “Surely you know that I love you no matter what you look like.”

A guilty voice inside him said that Papyrus would feel the same. So why did Mettaton keep hiding?

“OF COURSE. I KNOW THAT. I JUST…” He sighed. “I WANTED YOUR WELCOME HOME DATE TO BE PERFECT. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO MINI-GOLFING AT THE NEW COURSE I DESIGNED, AND CATCH FIREFLIES, AND DANCE IN THE MOONLIGHT… BUT NOW I’M TOO SHORT FOR DANCING! AND I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT I HAVE EVEN FALLEN INTO THE DESPICABLE HABIT OF NAPPING!!”

His browbone furrowed. His frustration seemed to stem from more than just his current appearance. Papyrus… oh, dear Papyrus. Mettaton understood what he was feeling far more than he knew.

Papyrus could know. If Mettaton worked up the guts to tell him.

“We don’t have to do all those things,” he reassured Papyrus. “We’re together again. Anything we do will be fabulous.”

“BUT I WANTED TO DO THOSE THINGS! I… I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW DIFFICULT THIS WOULD BE. NOT THAT I CANNOT HANDLE IT!”

“You’re the strongest monster I know, Papyrus,” Mettaton said while carrying him to the couch. If they weren’t going to go out, they might as well get comfortable. “You seem to be taking this much better than…”

Than I would, he thought.

“THANK YOU. I AM VERY STRONG… BUT THAT’S PART OF THE PROBLEM. I MISS BEING TALL, AND MUSCULAR, AND HAVING BOUNDLESS ENERGY!” His expression looked pained as he laid in Mettaton’s lap. “I ALSO HAVE WORK ON MONDAY, EVEN THOUGH SANS INSISTS I SHOULD TAKE A VACATION. I’VE NEVER TAKEN A VACATION FOR ANY REASON! AND I PROMISED HIM I WOULD TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIS BODY, WHICH MEANS EXERCISING AND EATING HEALTHILY, BUT ALL I WANT IS A BIG GREASY BURGER!!”

He buried his face in his hat again. Mettaton knew how much Papyrus despised grease, to the point that Mettaton was careful to oil himself only on days when he knew they wouldn’t be seeing each other.  

“Papyrus. Darling. Vacations are wonderful. You don’t get bishonen eyes like these without taking a few beauty breaks,” Mettaton said while stroking the top of Papyrus’s skull. It was strange, not feeling the same divots and bumps that he had memorized. “Index can cover your responsibilities until…”

Until when? How long would Papyrus be stuck like this? Mettaton might not mind what he looked like, but he didn’t want to see his boyfriend in pain.

“ALPHYS IS WORKING ON A SOLUTION.” Papyrus seemed to read his mind. “I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE. BUT, SHE SEEMED CONFIDENT! NOW IT’S MY TURN TO BE CONFIDENT IN HER!”

Knowing Alphys, it could be three days, or three years. Still, Mettaton trusted her. If there was a solution, she would find it.

“Then we will just have to be patient.” Mettaton smiled down at him, though he felt like a hypocrite for it. He already had his perfect body. “What would you like to do for our date?”

“IT’S YOUR WELCOME HOME CELEBRATION! YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE TO CHOOSE!” Papyrus insisted. “I HAVE ALREADY SPOILED OUR DATE ENOUGH WITH MY UNWHOLESOME COMPLAINING! FORGIVE ME, LOVE.”

Mettaton’s circuits heated. Papyrus rarely broke out the pet names, but they always sent pleasant tingles through him.

“There is nothing to forgive, darling.” He pressed a soft kiss to the top of his skull. “I only wish I could do more to help. I wasn’t even here for you when this happened.” He frowned. “What exactly did happen?”

Papyrus explained how one of Sans’s shortcuts had gone wrong. Mettaton tried to hold back his frustration with Sans. It was an accident; Papyrus made that clear. But accidents still had consequences.

“IT’S FINE! I’LL BE FINE. I JUST NEED TO—” Papyrus yawned. “GET UP AND GET MY BLOOD PUMPING…”

“You don’t have blood.” Mettaton chuckled.  

“FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING! I… I CAN DRIVE US TO THE RESORT, AND WE CAN STILL…”

“No offense, darling, but I’m not trusting you to drive in this state. How about we get something delivered and have a picnic? Then we can still watch the fireflies like you wanted.”

Papyrus sat up. “AN EXCELLENT IDEA FROM MY EXCELLENT BOYFRIEND!”

Papyrus grabbed a knitted blanket from the back of the couch and headed into the backyard. Mettaton stayed behind to make a phone call. The dialtone rang and rang, until Mettaton was sure no one was going to pick up.

“Thank you for calling MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the Glamburger. Sparkle up your day™.” The voice on the other end sounded like it wanted to die.

“Burger—er, Brad?” Mettaton corrected quickly. “My favorite darling employee who I love?”

A muffled curse came across the line. 

“Uh—Mettaton! My ex-boss who I definitely don’t hate!”

“Darling, you’ll have to work on your acting if you want to make it in the big leagues.”

“Customer service voice is harder than acting, trust me,” Brad grumbled. He’d gotten a lot bolder ever since he’d taken Papyrus’s confidence-training class. And since Papyrus had made Mettaton promise to be nicer to him.

“Yes, retail certainly is a thankless stage.” Mettaton sighed, remembering his own decades of selling snails.  

“Is that your way of thanking me?” Brad asked.

Mettaton’s way of thanking him was by avoiding him whenever possible. Honestly, Burgerpants was still the worst employee. Monsters wanted their Glamburgers flame-grilled, not cigarette-smoked. And they didn’t want to be hit on while they ordered.

Perhaps Mettaton should’ve just ordered from Grillby’s. But he wasn’t sure that Papyrus would accept that level of grease, even in his current state.

“If I thank you, will you do me a teeny-tiny favor?” Mettaton asked through a grimace.  

He wasn’t technically Brad’s boss anymore. Touring required him to delegate authority to other monsters. Tessella managed the resort’s staff, and Sushane was head of the kitchens. Both the origami and fish monsters loved Mettaton, but they wouldn’t force Brad to run errands for him.

“No,” Brad deadpanned.

“Wait, wait!” Mettaton said before he could hang up. “Would you do Papyrus a teeny-tiny favor?”

A crackling sigh came across the receiver.  

“For the last time, I am not pressing his face into the steaks.”

“I didn’t ask for a Steak in the Shape of Papyrus’s Face!” Mettaton wanted to bang his forehead against a blunt surface. He would have, if his very sturdy metallic plating wouldn’t have dented the kitchen counter. “If I wanted that, he would cook one himself, obviously.”

“Then what do you need me for? Did you kill someone?” he asked suddenly. “Wait, don’t answer that. I’m not testifying for you in court.”

Mettaton laughed. It was barely even forced.

“Braddy, you are hilarious. No. My wonderful boyfriend love of my life is having a particular craving.”

“Oh my g—is he pregnant?”

Mettaton sighed and dropped his head to the counter. Gently. It barely left a chip in the wood.

“Congratulations. You’ve officially managed to suck even worse. I’m going to have to add a new song to your mixtape.”

Papyrus had actually thrown away the Brad Diss Track Mixtape. It was a shame, since those had been some of Mettaton’s catchiest tunes. If he recreated them with more universally applicable lyrics, he was sure they would top the charts.

“O-okay, I get it, that was bad. I’m gonna shut up now.”

Finally, a smart choice.  

“I’d like you to deliver two Glamburgers and one Face Steak to 915 Milky Way. As quickly as possible. Please.”

“We don’t actually, offer delivery…”

“I’ll ask Tessella to give you a raise and three vacation days.”

“The customer is always right!” Brad said quickly. “I’ll be there in one sparkling second!”

The line went dead. Ugh. Mettaton sincerely hoped that Brad’s acting career took off—mostly to get him away from the resort—but with those transparent lies, he wouldn’t count on it.

Mettaton walked out into the backyard and found Papyrus already sprawled out on the blanket. His stomach rose and fell with breaths he shouldn’t have needed to take.

Mettaton smirked when he saw that Papyrus’s eyesockets were closed. He leaned over his sleeping boyfriend.

“Already wilting without my illuminating presence?”  

Papyrus jolted awake, nearly cracking his skull against Mettaton’s forehead.

“SORRY! THESE ACCIDENTAL NAPS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME!”

“It’s alright. I know how it feels to unexpectedly run out of batteries.” Mettaton winked and sat down at his side, folding his legs beneath him. “Food is on the way. I’m sure it won’t compare to your fabulous cooking, but maybe it will restore some of your energy.”

“WHAT DID YOU ORDER?”

“Two Glamburgers for you, and a Face Steak for me. Or vice versa, if your craving for grease fades again.” Mettaton wasn’t picky about his own food. His electronic flavor-sensors could be adjusted to match nearly any meal. The one thing they couldn’t seem to filter out was cigarette smoke.

“I PROMISED I WOULD EAT HEALTHIER. FOR SANS.”

“Darling, your brother has survived on fast food for this long. I doubt that one more Glamburger will make a difference.”

Papyrus sighed. 

“I SUPPOSE NOT. I WILL JUST HAVE TO EAT EXTRA VEGETABLES TOMORROW TO MAKE UP FOR IT.”

It was cute how concerned Papyrus was for his brother, but Mettaton wished he would worry a bit more about himself. Too often Mettaton had watched him burn himself out while trying to help other monsters.

“I’ll make you an omelette for breakfast with all the vegetables you want,” Mettaton offered. He was still getting used to non-ghost food, but Shyren had taught him how to cook omelettes while they were on tour. Once he’d even managed to make one in the shape of her face.

“FOR BREAKFAST?” Papyrus squinted, then grinned. “YOU MEAN YOU’RE STAYING? OVERNIGHT?”

“Well.” Mettaton’s faceplates heated. “Welly well well.”

He had implied that, hadn’t he? And they wouldn’t be doing anything "weird," as Sans would say. Mettaton just wanted to be here to take care of his boyfriend. It would be like a slumber party with the band, only more wonderful and exciting because he could cuddle with Papyrus all night.

“WELL?” Papyrus’s hand took his. Their fingers wound together, fitting differently than Mettaton was used to. Papyrus still wore gloves, at least.

“Well.” Mettaton coughed, turning to hide behind his bangs. “If you insist, beautiful.”

“CONSIDER ME INSISTING!” Papyrus beamed. It was the most awake he’d looked all evening. “BUT, DIDN’T YOU JUST GET HOME? IS THERE ANYTHING YOU NEED FROM THE RESORT? YOUR CHARGING CABLE?”

“Right here, darling.” He patted his left hip.

Beneath his pink pants was a small new hatch. Alphys had installed it before the tour, knowing how often he misplaced his charging cord. It wouldn’t do to run out of batteries while performing. Thankfully, he’d had plenty of time to charge on the plane, so he likely wouldn’t even need it.

“IN THAT CASE, IT’S A DATE! OR!  A LONGER DATE, ANYWAY!! NYEH HEH HEH!!!”  

Mettaton’s soul fluttered at his boyfriend's laugh.  

Then a loud fart noise ruined the moment.

“UGH, SANS!” Papyrus leapt to his feet. “I CAN’T BELIEVE HE SWITCHED THE DOORBELL AGAIN!!”

That must be Burgerpants—Brad—arriving with their dinner. Mettaton was tempted to let his boyfriend retrieve the food by himself. Papyrus made it around the side of the house before Mettaton remembered that Brad didn’t know about the whole body swap ordeal.

Mettaton caught up to his boyfriend just in time to watch Brad’s face contort through a series of hellish expressions.

“Brad. What did I tell you about making that face in front of customers?” Mettaton put his hands on his hips.

“This gremlin isn’t a customer! He’s the maniac who keeps stealing all the ketchup packs!”

Papyrus laughed. 

“YES, THAT DOES SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER.  I WOULD APOLOGIZE FOR HIM, BUT I DOUBT IT WILL CHANGE ANYTHING.”

Confusion was evident on Brad’s face before all emotion disappeared.

“You know what? I’m not getting paid to ask questions.” He passed a greasy paper bag into Papyrus’s gloved hand. “That’ll be 740 G.”

Mettaton pulled out his wallet and flicked him two thousand-G coins. Brad fumbled to catch them, then stared at the gold like it might bite him.

“That’s for not running your mouth,” Mettaton explained. “Do you understand? No gossipping about my boyfriend to any coworkers or customers. I don’t care how hot you think they are.”

Brad looked up with a flat expression.

“You realize this is barely enough to pay for gas and lunch, right?”

“MAKE IT TWO LUNCHES!” Papyrus gave him a tip in human cash. “NOT THAT BRAD WOULD GOSSIP ABOUT ME ANYWAY, SINCE WE’RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS! RIGHT, BRAD?”  

Papyrus gave his most sincere smile. Paired with Sans’s face, it was somehow more intimidating than anything Mettaton could’ve pulled off.

Brad forced a manic-looking grin.

“Again.  Not testifying for you in court!”  

He lit a cigarette as he walked back to the car. At least it wasn’t a company vehicle, considering the Burger Emporium didn’t actually offer delivery. Burgerpants could keep his stench to himself.

“CLASSIC BRAD.” Papyrus laughed. “HE SHOULD TRY OUT FOR THE RESORT’S COMEDY SHOW. SANS COULD USE SOME FRIENDLY COMPETITION!”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath. Unless it’s to avoid that rancid cloud of smoke.” Mettaton waved a hand in front of his face.  

At least Brad had come at all. Mettaton would follow through on his word and talk to Tessella.

They returned to the backyard and set up their meal. Papyrus went a step further and hung a bedsheet from the side of the children’s treehouse. With Mettaton acting as a projector, they were able to have dinner and a show.

The show happened to be Ratatouille, because that was the only movie saved on Mettaton’s hard drive that neither of them had seen before. Alphys had uploaded some files for him and the band if they got bored, but Mettaton hadn’t been particularly interested in rats. He expected it to play in the background as white noise while he and Papyrus cuddled and watched for fireflies.

Mettaton hadn’t expected to see himself reflected in a young rat chasing his dreams despite his family’s expectations. He sat completely still so that the projector on his chest wouldn’t shake, but he held Papyrus tight against his side.

“METTATON, ARE YOU… CRYING?” Papyrus asked in a stage whisper.

“Shhh!” He didn’t mean to be rude, but he had to hear what Remy said. How was the rat going to explain himself to his family? Were they going to love and support him, or would they throw him away for following his unorthodox dreams?

“I SEE WHY YOU AND ALPHYS ARE FRIENDS,” Papyrus teased once the tense emotional scene was over. He wiped away Mettaton’s tears with his soft gloves. “ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT SHE CREATED YOU, OF COURSE.  YOU BOTH HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR CARTOONS.”

It was much, much more than that, but Mettaton couldn’t explain without delving into his whole tragic backstory.

The movie ended on a happy note. Remy brought his new and old families together. He got to do what he loved without losing the people that he loved. Mettaton had sort of done that… right? Blooky was still in his life.

It wasn’t the warm acceptance that Remy had finally received. But Mettaton didn’t deserve that. He’d kept too many secrets for too long.

“...METTATON?” Papyrus asked when the credits stopped rolling and Mettaton still hadn’t moved. “WAS THAT MOVIE, ERR, TOO EMOTIONAL FOR YOU?”

Mettaton switched off the projector and looked down at him. Papyrus's browbones were turned upwards in concern.

“It was a very compelling cinematic masterpiece.” Mettaton sniffed. The action didn’t calm his leaking tear ducts.

“UM, YES. IT’S CERTAINLY COMPELLING ME TO LEARN A NEW RECIPE, ONCE I AM TALL ENOUGH TO REACH THE STOVE AGAIN. BUT THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.”

Mettaton chuckled. For all that Papyrus liked to feign obliviousness, he could be quite perceptive.

“It just hit a little too close to home,” he murmured, resting back on the blanket.

Papyrus flopped back beside him, then propped his head up in his palm.

“LAST I CHECKED, YOU WEREN’T A SMALL RODENT LIVING IN THE SEWERS.”

“I lived next to a dump. That’s close enough, isn’t it?”

Papyrus blinked. “YOU… I’M CONFUSED.”

Mettaton was too. Why had he let that joke slip? It was better to keep hiding, wasn’t it? Nothing useful could come of telling the truth. He was an actor. He was in a band. He had a caring boyfriend and wonderful friends who would be devastated to know he had lied to them his whole “life.”  

But on the other hand… it would be nice, not to lie about why a rat movie brought him to tears.

“I lived next to a dump,” he repeated. He folded his hands over his stomach and stared up at the sky. “You know the place. Smelly, gross, and covered in human trash.”

“OHHH. YOU MEAN ALPHYS GOT THE PARTS TO BUILD YOU FROM THE DUMP.”

That wasn’t what he meant at all, but it would be easy to let Papyrus believe it. Then they could just laugh this off and go back to cuddling.

“No,” he forged onward instead. “Alphys didn’t build me.”

Papyrus opened his mouth, then shut it again. His eyelights urged Mettaton to continue.

“She built my body, and I will be forever in her debt for that. Before that, I… I was a nobody.” He cracked a grin at the accidental pun. “No body.”

“NO—OH, THAT WAS TERRIBLE!” Papyrus swatted at his arm and laughed. “THIS ISN’T JUST A BAD JOKE, THOUGH, IS IT? YOU ACTUALLY LIVED NEXT TO THE DUMP. AND YOU WERE NO BODY.”

Mettaton nodded.

“WERE YOU… NAPSTABLOOK’S COUSIN? THE ONE WHO DISAPPEARED?”

Some of the tightness in Mettaton’s core dissipated. It was a relief, not having to actually say it.

“That’s me.” He gave a melancholy smile.  

“NO WONDER YOU TWO GET ALONG SO WELL! I BET IT LIFTED YOUR SPIRITS TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME WITH THEM ON YOUR TOUR.”

“You’re—wait, you’re not surprised? Or… upset?” Mettaton rolled over and squinted at him.   

“SHOULD I BE?”  

“Well… no. I guess not.” He frowned.  

It was Napstablook and Shyren who might be upset. Undyne would probably want to skewer him for leaving them behind. Papyrus hadn’t known him before, though, so it didn’t make a difference to him. Mettaton could consider this a rehearsal for the more difficult confessions he would make.

And he would make them. He wanted Napstablook to know the truth. He wanted… he wanted his family to be together again. For real.

“IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, THERE’S PLENTY OF THINGS I NEVER TELL ANYONE, TOO.”

“Really?” Mettaton blinked, and Papyrus nodded.

“MY DAD FELL INTO THE CORE AND SHATTERED ACROSS TIME AND SPACE.”

Mettaton’s circuits fizzled for a brief moment.

“...Come again?”

“IT’S ALRIGHT.” Papyrus shrugged. “YOU WOULDN’T REMEMBER HIM. SANS AND I BARELY REMEMBER HIM. HE BUILT THE CORE WHEN I WAS VERY YOUNG.”

The CORE was… decades old, at least. Maybe even a century. Mettaton had thought he was older than Papyrus, but now he had no idea.

“Still, that must have been horrible. I’m sorry.”  

Did he sound sincere enough? He didn’t have parents. Ghosts were created when the strong memories of humans combined with ambient monster magic. The closest he’d come to having parents was accidentally calling Alphys “Mom.”  

Of course, he and Blooky didn’t need parents to be cousins.

“DON’T BE SORRY! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE COMFORTING YOU! THIS IS JUST ME BEING OPEN AND HONEST SO YOU CAN FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE BARING YOUR METAL HEART TO ME!!”

Mettaton laughed. Papyrus did seem alright. And he had helped Mettaton feel better.

“Thank you, sugarskull.” Mettaton kissed him between his eyesockets. “And, um… please keep this between the two of us? I’m not quite ready for the world to know that their star was once a ghost.”

“DON’T WORRY. MY JAW IS SEALED.” Papyrus winked. “AND UNLIKE BRAD, YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BRIBE ME!”

“Oh, I don’t?” Mettaton teased back. “I suppose I don’t have to cuddle you tonight, then. What a shame. So sad.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO BRIBE ME! BUT! I WOULD APPRECIATE IT VERY MUCH!!”

Papyrus scooted closer, then turned so that his back was to Mettaton’s chest. Typically Papyrus preferred to be the big spoon, but he must have realized that would be futile in Sans’s body.

“Well, how can I say no to that?”

Mettaton snaked his arms around his boyfriend’s ribs. They drifted off like together, with fireflies hovering above them.

Chapter Text

Sans normally would’ve just shortcutted to the top of the mountain. Of course, Sans normally wouldn’t be able to ski, on account of his bones practically being made of glass.

Anyway. Riding the ski lift under the soft starlight was nice. It didn’t hurt that Toriel put her arm around his waist. (He was finally tall enough that it was less comfortable for her to rest her arm along his shoulders.)

“To keep you from freezing to the bone.” She winked.

His face heated. It would have to be a lot colder than this to chill him, but he didn’t need to tell her that.

They chatted about nothing important while the lift carried them up the mountain. It was the most normal he’d felt since getting stuck in his brother’s body. It was almost weird how not-weird it was, being here with Toriel, joking like they always did.

Or maybe he was just telling himself that so he wouldn’t overthink this whole date thing. It was hard to tell. Denial was a drug he’d overdosed on a long time ago.

“Are you ready, Sans?" Toriel retracted her arm as the end of the lift approached.

"Snow way I would flake out on ya now, Tori." He winked.

Flake out? No.

Wipe out? As soon as he tried to get his skis under him.

Toriel laughed and scooped him up under his ribcage. Even on her snowboard she was sure-footed and steady. He shook snow out of his nasal hole as she glided them away from the lift and towards the slope. Monsters and humans alike were giving them weird looks, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"Glad I'm not too big for you to carry." He grinned.

"You are still only bones." She smiled down at him before setting him upright on his skis. 

His legs felt something like his brother's infamous spaghetti. He'd be lucky to make it ten seconds without falling over again.

"Are you sure about this?" Toriel asked, as if reading his mind. "It was quite thoughtful of you, but we can always return to the bunny slopes."

They had spent the last thirty minutes going up the conveyor belt and down the flattened hill, while a resort employee laughed at him from inside an ICE-E suit. He could take Tori's good natured rib-ing, but the attention from strangers was embarrassing.

"Nah, bunnies don't do it for me. I'm more of a goat person." He winked despite the embarrassment threatening to strangle him. That pun was straying too close to horrible pick-up line territory. 

She blinked back at him before letting out a snort of laughter. It grew into a shaking bleat as tears leaked from her eyes.

"And Chara thought you didn't have 'game.'" She wiped a finger across her eyes, and felt his cheekbones heat.

"Hey, I got lots of games. Guitar Hero, Fortnite, Animal Crossing, all the classics."

He forced himself not to shrink from her warm look. He might be a giant dork, but so was she. There was nothing to worry about.

"Let us see how you do at this game."

She winked, and then she was boarding down the mountain, leaving a spray of powder in her wake.

XXX

He had to give himself some credit. He could've sucked a lot worse.

"Papyrus, I thought you'd let me borrow your muscle memory," he muttered as he picked himself out of a snow poff. "Guess you'd have to have muscles for that, huh…"

He didn't mind, though. Toriel was cackling hard enough to fall over too.  

This one had been a pretty spectacular wipeout. He'd vaulted over a hidden bump and cartwheeled through the air before landing head-first in the snow poff. He'd only lost ten HP.

Only ten. Heh. He was getting spoiled already.

"Seven points!" Toriel announced after getting ahold of herself.

"Aw, c'mon, Tori. That was a solid eight." He clipped one ski back to his boot. He was gonna be a pro at that by the time the night was over.

"If you want an eight, you'll need to launch your skis a little farther." She handed him his other ski.

"Maybe if I had the dog here to fetch 'em for me." He grinned. "Y'know, I bet Alphys could make some boomerang skis. Save us all some trouble."

"Until they decapitate someone on their way back." She snorted, but she was still smiling. "Maybe I am too old school. It feels like cheating not to retrieve your skis yourself."

He chuckled and clipped his remaining ski back in place.

"Well, thanks for cheating for me then."

She helped him up, and they made it a little farther down the winding slope before he built up too much speed and skidded off towards the trees.

“Crap,” he said under his breath. Papyrus might have plenty of HP, but that wouldn't stop Sans from knocking out a tooth or two. He braced himself for impact, but before he could collide with a thick pine trunk, Toriel slid in front of him and scooped him into her arms.

“Hey. I was gunnin’ for an eight there.” He grinned up at her in relief.

“If I had let you go, the only thing you would have ‘ate’ was the bark from that tree.” She smirked. “Worry not. You still have plenty of time to raise your score.”

He winced when his skis accidentally knocked against her horns.

“Uh. You sure you wouldn't rather ski-daddle? I know a shortc—”

Crap. He didn’t know a shortcut. The only way out was down.

“You haven’t board me yet.” She sprayed snow when she cut to the side, skidding them to a stop. She looked down at him with concerned eyes. “Unless all this falling has taken a toll on you…?”

It had. All this falling for her was gonna get him in trouble. He could tell himself he had nothing to worry about, that there was no reason to be afraid of his dorky best friend. It didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t gone on a date in years and was terrified of screwing up.

She wouldn’t care. She loved to watch him screw up. Maybe he wasn’t as afraid of that as he was of… not screwing up.

If he screwed up now, she wouldn’t get her hopes up. He wouldn’t inevitably let her down.

“Sans?” Her brow furrowed in concern.

Crap. See, this was why he didn’t think too much. People got worried when his train of thought left him on the side of the tracks.

“Sorry. Must’ve shaken my brain loose on that last one.” He grinned sheepishly.

“Oh dear. Perhaps I should carry you the rest of the way. We cannot let you return Papyrus’s body in poor condition.”

His hands gripped the slick material of her coat. Tempting as that offer was, it would be a good way to really disconnect his brain.

“Once he hears how cool I looked wiping out, he’ll forgive me.”

She laughed. Why did she laugh?  He wasn’t even that funny.  He was just…

Slipping.  Panicking.  

Geez, he was a noob. She liked him. Why couldn’t he just believe that?

“Sans, you really do not look well.” She adjusted him in her arms so that she could press a paw to his forehead. “Regardless of whose body you’re wearing, I do not want you to catch a cold for my sake.”

“Really, Tori. I’m fine. Just… a little rattled, I guess.” He grimaced.

“Oh.” She gently set him back on his skis. “This is not about wiping out, is it?”

“Heh. I’m that easy to read, huh?” He wobbled a bit. He would've started slipping down the slope if she hadn’t steadied him.

“No. It would have been much easier had I worn my glasses.” She smiled. “I am squinting, but the words are still blurry. Would you do me a favor and translate for me?”

“Sorry, Tori. I’m Jared, nineteen.” He looked up so she could get the full effect of his wink.

She suppressed a snort, but it looked like it took all her effort.

“That would be an excellent joke any other time. But I am serious. If I have coerced you into this in any way…”

“Stop.” He shook his head, and a few wayward snowclumps fell out of his jaw. “If I got in a bit over my skull, that’s on me. I’ve been having a great time, falls and all. I’m just a little worried about falling for, uh. You.”

He finished quietly, his face feeling hot enough to be concerning. Good thing she was no longer checking for a fever.

“Oh.” She blinked before giving a nervous chuckle. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He coughed into his fist to fill the awkward beat. “Welp. I think that wipe-out deserves a ten.”

“No, it does not.” She suddenly squeezed him tight. “I was just surprised, that is all. I had hoped, but… it is much nicer to hear you actually say it.”

“Why?” He breathed into the crook of her neck. His skis were trying to slide again, tangling beneath her snowboard. She didn’t seem to mind.

“You are not the only one who gets nervous, Sans.”

“No, I mean—why do you like me?” He finally found the words to ask. “What do you want out of all of this? I know I’m good for a few jokes, but you’re—you’re way too good for me, Tori.”

She pulled back far enough to look into his eyesockets.

“Sans. I am not too good for you. We are both giant dorks.”

He smiled a little, though he wasn't completely convinced. 

“That's what I keep trying to remind myself.”

“As for what I want—well.” Her ear twitched, the way it only did when she was nervous. “You have always been a wonderful friend. You are a wonderful roommate. I do not want more from you than you want to give. I just want you to know how loved you are.”

Loved. A tingle shot down his spine. Was this how Papyrus felt around Mettaton? He felt his soul stuttering, flickering like one of those stars up above: dim and then bright, brighter, until the full weight of her words sunk in.

Geez, he was cheesy. He should’ve shoved a wheel of cheddar in his pocket instead of a dried-out date.

“Welp. Thanks.” He looked away, still a little embarrassed. “You’re pretty cool yourself.”

“Thank you, Sans.” She smiled. “If I may ask—what would you like from this? We do not have to go on dates if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Uh.” Wow. No one had ever asked him that before. Then again, he’d only dated Alphys and Grillby before, and neither of those relationships had lasted particularly long. “I guess I just don’t want you to expect too much? But it uh, sounds like you already know that. So…”

He met her eyes again. They shined in the lamplight, turning her brown irises a warm red-orange.

“I like this.” It felt weird to admit out loud. Not bad, though. Maybe there was something to be said for just saying what you want. “I like going out with you, or staying in, or whatever. I like trading terrible pickup lines with you. And, uh, I like when you carry me places.” His cheekbones heated. “I mean, who wouldn’t want a hot boss monster to sweep ‘em off their feet?”

She laughed at that. 

“I think I would prefer a small skeleton.”

“Whaddaya know. I know someone who’s just your type.”

She leaned in closer.

“Oh, do you?”

“Yep.” He winked. “My brother.”

After a shocked beat, she let out a howl of laughter.  

“You are the worst!” She pushed him gently. He only stayed upright because his skis were trapped under her board.

“Aww, but you love me.”

“I suppose I do.” She nuzzled the top of his skull, sending warmth flowing through his marrow.

It didn’t matter how many times he wiped out throughout the night. That warmth reignited every time she helped him back up.

XXX

“Sans, you must come look at this,” Toriel stage-whispered. Her face was close to the living room window; her breath fogged up the glass in the midnight chill. They’d gotten back late, but for once Sans felt as awake as ever.

“What are the squirrels up to this time?” he asked after shedding his (well, Tori’s) sweatshirt onto the recliner.

“This is much better than squirrels,” she assured him.

He joined her at the window and squinted into the backyard.  

Papyrus and Mettaton were curled up on a picnic blanket, barely illuminated by the stars and fireflies. It was still a little weird to see his own body in Mettaton’s arms, but it only proved how much Mettaton cared for his brother. The downgrade in looks didn’t seem to bother the robot at all.

“Oh man. I’ve gotta get a picture.” Sans fished his phone out of his pocket. “This is going in their wedding video for sure.”

“I am sure that will be an interesting memory.” Toriel laughed. “Anyone who does not know that you and Papyrus switched bodies will be very confused.”

“That’ll just make it funnier.” It wasn’t like he and Papyrus were keeping their “condition” a secret, anyway. The longer it took Alphys to swap them back, the more people would inevitably realize what had happened.

Sans probably should’ve been in a bigger rush, but man, it was nice having a body that didn’t tire out so fast. Maybe he’d have to start taking Papyrus’s health suggestions seriously.

He held the phone up as close to the glass as he could and snapped the photo. He didn’t realize the flash was on until he blinded himself and anyone outside.

“Crap, you don’t think they—?”

Toriel was already pulling him to the ground where they wouldn’t be seen. He had to hold in a laugh, but he did hear voices outside. Papyrus might not be a light sleeper right now, but Mettaton apparently was.

There was no real reason to hide, but it was still fun, lying on the ground next to Toriel, both of them barely containing their giggles.

“They’re gonna know we were spying,” he pointed out. “Light’s still on.” 

Toriel cursed. “Should I crawl over and turn it off?”

As hilarious as the idea was, Sans had it covered.

“Nah.  I’ll just…” He attempted a shortcut before remembering that wouldn’t work right now. Still, he did feel something. Shortcut magic was always finicky. Could Papyrus possibly have the right magic too, but have never figured out how to use it?

Sans closed his eyes and focused. He knew where the lightswitch was. He knew how to align the two points in his mind, how to tug on the threads of magic underlying the physical matter of the universe.

It was never as scientific as it sounded. Really, he hadn’t been lying to Papyrus. He just felt it in his bones.

He tugged on that something…

And he went spinning like a starfish across the carpet. Literally. It shouldn’t have been possible; the friction between his t-shirt and the carpet should’ve slowed him. It was like he’d been put into an introductory physics problem where basic resistance forces were ignored.

He finally stopped when he bumped against the wall beneath the lightswitch.

“That was a rather... interesting method of transportation.” Toriel laughed again, though she was trying to keep her voice down.

“I think I just figured out how my bro breaks physics,” he said before using blue magic to flip the switch.

“You could have done that from here, you know.”

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have looked as cool.” He winked.

Plus he’d just learned something important. If Papyrus’s physics-bending magic worked the same as Sans’s shortcuts, then Sans finally knew how to teach him.

Hopefully from there, and with Alphys’s help, Papyrus could “shortcut” them back into their own bodies.

Chapter Text

Undyne munched on a bag of chisps while Alphys did her robotics-engineering-science-stuff. It was super cool, but Alphys wouldn’t let her get close enough to the blowtorch zone to watch properly. It wasn’t Undyne’s fault she kept getting distracted by how cool and sexy her girlfriend looked in a welding helmet! And she’d only dropped the sheet of metal one time!! There was barely a dent in it!!

As much as she’d rather be helping Alphys build Flowey’s body, Undyne’s current task was important too. She was monitoring Alphys’s phone while she was busy. 

It was a harder job than it sounded. Since Undyne had forced her to take a break last night, the text messages had piled up worse than Sans’s mailbox back in Snowdin. Some were human clients asking about tech repairs, so Undyne made up an important monster holiday as an excuse for the delay. Alphys had probably forgotten about them in the middle of all the chaos. Undyne wasn’t about to stress her by bringing it up.

Some other messages weren’t as easy to push off.

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Hellooooo Alphys darling 

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Papyrus tells me you’re quite busy

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: And I would never want to interrupt you when you’re working on something important. I know how it feels to be in a creative flow you know

Undyne rolled her eyes.

Me: what do you want mtt

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: >:( Rude. Is that any way to talk to your amazing and glamorous best friend whom you haven’t seen in a month??

Me: Papyrus is my best friend

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Hello Undyne.

Me: if youre not dying then alphys is busy

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: this was actually important. 

Undyne peeked around the wall into the lab. Sparks were flying, cuss words were flowing, and Undyne was pretty sure the metal was melting. Was that supposed to happen?

Me: youre gonna have to give me more details than that

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Can you hear me sighing? I’m sighing right now. Dramatically. While Papyrus feeds me pancakes.

Me: go flirt with your bf instead of liveblogging it dude

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Undyne!! Wow!! We’re texting each other from our significant others’ phones!! 

Me: Papyrus???

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Undyne!!!

Me: PAPYRUS!!!

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: UNDYNE!!! BD

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Mettaton is telling me to tell you that he really really needs to talk to Alphys.

Me: shes working on floweys body right now. says she cant do anything else for you and your brother til some computer finishes running. Idk its all nerd stuff to me lol

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: It’s okay!! Sans had a breakthrough about that last night, but it can wait. Mettaton is panicking and I think he might choke on a pancake if he doesn’t talk to Alphys and I would really really like that to not happen.

Undyne sighed heavily.

Me: FINE. But you have five minutes and then i’m taking the phone from her and hurling it into the dumpster!!!

Hatsune Miku Wannabe: Please do not do that???

Undyne laughed and knocked on the wall of the lab.

“Yo, babe! Don’t freak out!”

Saying ‘don’t freak out’ didn’t help when just the sound of her voice startled Alphys. She nearly dropped the welding torch on her foot.

“Wh-what? Why am I not freaking out??” She flipped up her mask, revealing her squinting eyes. Man, she was adorable.

“Mettaton and Papyrus need to talk to you. I told ‘em you were busy, but they said it was really important.” Undyne held out the pink phone.

“It’s okay. I should probably take a break anyway. I can talk to them while we eat lunch.”

“Great! Feeding two birds with one stone!!”

“Uh, I think it’s, um, killing two birds…”

“Pff, why would I ever want to kill a bird??”

Undyne cooked lunch while Alphys psyched herself up for the phone call. Well, Undyne took some leftover pizza out of the hotfridge and threw some bagged salad in a bowl. Alphys needed some nutrients after a hard morning of work!

By the time Undyne set their places at the bar, Alphys was nowhere to be found.

“Alphys? Babe?” Undyne stuck her head out of the kitchen. 

Dang. Alphys’s house was too big. Undyne couldn’t hear her anywhere, no matter which direction she twitched her ear fins.

Oh well. She’d already set a timer on her phone; if Alphys wasn’t back in five minutes, then Undyne would engage the fire safety alarms to interrupt the call. 

She just hoped Mettaton wasn’t giving Alphys too hard of a time. Undyne had assumed he’d just broken a nail or something, but Papyrus had sounded serious. Why did everyone need Alphys’s help all at once? Her girlfriend was brilliant, but she couldn’t do everything. If Alphys burned herself out again…

Undyne just hoped her support would be enough to prevent that.

“S-sorry! Is the pizza cold…?” Alphys said when she trailed back in. Surprisingly, she looked happier than before she’d taken the call.

“What happened? Is Mettaton proposing? Wait, is Papyrus proposing? Why didn’t he tell me!!”

“No one’s proposing!” Alphys set her phone on the counter. “Mettaton said I could tell you. He’s finally coming out! He’s going to talk to Napstablook, then tell everyone during a chainsaw fight on his TV show! I always knew he’d do something overdramatic like that...”

Undyne’s brow furrowed. “Wait, what’s he coming out as? We all know he’s gay and ace. Does he like girls now too?”

“No!!” Alphys laughed and grabbed Undyne’s hands, swinging her arms around like a little kid. It was so cute Undyne almost kissed her, but Alphys kept talking. “He’s a trans ghost!! Well, he was a ghost, before I built a robot body for him—anyway, I don’t have to lie and pretend I invented him anymore!”

“Wow.” Undyne blinked. “That makes so much more sense. There’s no way you’d build a robot that annoying on purpose.”

Alphys laughed again before pulling Undyne down for a kiss. 

Undyne didn’t really care about Mettaton’s personal life, but if it made Alphys kiss her like this, Undyne hoped he came out every day.

XXX

After lunch and a few episodes of Robo Smooch Smash, Alphys went back to work on Flowey’s body. Undyne went back to work on Alphys’s messages. There were several new ones from Frisk and Chara’s phone; Undyne really hoped that Flowey wasn’t requesting any insane changes to his body. Though Undyne had to admit, the laser cannon arm idea was pretty sick. It was too bad Toriel would never let Alphys actually build it.

Human Niblings: Aunt Alphys? This is Chara.

Me: Hey kid!!! its your favorite aunt here >:D

Human Niblings: Mew Mew is my favorite aunt.

Me: D:< YOURE GONNA REGRET THAT PUNK

Human Niblings: You’re our favorite little sister :)

Undyne snort-laughed at that. Every once in a while Chara and Flowey would insist that because Asgore practically adopted Undyne, she was their sister. Every time Undyne thought they had forgotten about the running gag, they brought it up again.

It wasn’t too bad. Undyne had never had siblings before, “older” or otherwise.

Me: as long as youre still in frisks body im big enough to suplex you!!

There was no emoji that conveyed the emotion of lovingly suplexing your family. Undyne should ask Alphys to program one… when Alphys was less busy, of course.

Human Niblings: (this is frisk) hEY one day ill suplex u 2. and chara. and flowey 2 be safe

Human Niblings: (chara again.) Undyne you have to teach us how to suplex. So we can settle who is the best suplexer once and for all

Undyne grinned. She’d like to see them try to suplex her!

Me: HECK YEAH!! it’ll have to wait though. keeping alph company so she remembers to eat n stuff

Human Niblings: Right. Sorry we are keeping her so busy.

Me: nah she loves it!! Its been a while since she built a robot and i think shes gotta do that every few months or shell like, explode or something

Me: she’s building you one too right? whats yours gonna look like??

The phone was silent in Undyne’s hands for a few long moments. Then the … of Chara typing appeared and disappeared several times.

Human Niblings: Promise you won’t make fun of me.

Me: dude what would I make fun of you for. youre already the second coolest nerd I know. If anything ill tell you to add more lasers

Human Niblings: Mom won't let us have lasers.

Me: i know!! How lame is THAT!!

Human Niblings: Very Lame!!!! Azzy wishes he didn't show her his body plans. He thinks he could have snuck the lasers in.

Human Niblings: (fisk) he wouldnt moms 2 smart

Human Niblings: (Chara) we're with Dad right now. We have something for Aunt Alphys. Coming to the lab so we'll see you soon. 

Me: ok kid

Me: I bet your dad would let you have lasers

Human Niblings: Azzy tried. No lasers or deadly spikes. Ultra lame but azzy will live

Human Niblings: Literally. Ha ha.

Undyne chuckled and pocketed the phone before telling Alphys that Asgore and the kids were stopping by. Alphys looked confused, but it was hard to tell under her helmet. 

Hopefully whatever surprise the kids had was worth interrupting her for.

XXX

"Dude. Since when do you have a shedding problem??" Undyne asked when Asgore and Frisk dragged in two trashbags full of white fur.

“None of your business, little sis,” Flowey said from inside Frisk’s backpack.

Undyne rolled her eye. “Is getting a new body going to fix your attitude problem?”

Frisk set down their trash bag and signed, “Probably not.”

She laughed, and Flowey stuck his face over Frisk’s shoulder.

“Hey. Quit signing where I can’t see you.” 

“Kids.” Asgore laughed, his eyes twinkling with affection. No matter how bratty they could be, he’d love them unconditionally. Undyne hoped she’d be the same way when she and Alphys eventually had kids. “I have been collecting my fur for quite some time, and I shaved a little extra today. It is for Flowey’s new body.”

“That’s sweet? I guess??” Undyne stared at the bags. 

How long had he known that Flowey wanted a new body? Alphys had only found out a couple of days ago, and she’d barely slept since.

Asgore just laughed again. 

“How is Doctor Alphys? I trust you are taking good care of her.”

“I’m trying to! I meant it when I told the kids she’s really busy, though. I can’t help her with the science stuff. Unless she needs me to blow something up.” She frowned.

Frisk tugged on the hem of her tank top to get her attention. 

“Flowey and Chara know it might take a long time,” they signed. “Dad wanted to pay Aunt Alphys before she starts though.”

“It’s the least I can do for all of her hard work,” Asgore said.

Undyne wouldn't argue with that. She figured Alphys wouldn't either.

Undyne led Asgore and the kids up the escalator to the lab area. Frisk signed something to Asgore that Undyne didn’t quite catch, and he took the backpack with Flowey in it. The backpack looked hilariously tiny in Asgore’s massive paw.

“Frisk?” Flowey blinked down at them. “Chara?”

“We just need to talk to Undyne for a minute,” Frisk signed. “It’s a surprise.”

“It better not be a stupid one,” Flowey grumbled, but let Asgore carry him into the lab.

“What’s up, punk?” Undyne asked.

Frisk fished a pendant out from under their pink floral shirt—they must have wanted to match their dad. It was pretty cute. The necklace didn’t look like Chara’s usual one, though. Was that why they kept rubbing the key-shaped pendant between their fingers? 

“Chara?” She tried again. Whichever kid she was talking to, they looked lost in thought.

Finally they let go of the necklace, but still signed.

“Sorry. This is hard for Chara.”

Undyne crouched down to their level. She still had no idea what was going on, but she knew a hurting heart when she saw one.

“Whatever’s bugging you, you can tell your favorite sister.” Undyne grinned.

That got a small laugh out of them. They bit their lip, but then finally spoke.

“It’s about my body,” Chara said quietly. Undyne was lucky Alphys had stopped working in the other room, or Undyne wouldn’t have been able to hear them.

“What about it?” she prompted. “I already promised I won’t make fun of you.”

“Right.” Chara still looked uncertain. They touched the necklace again before forcing their hands to their sides. “I know Aunt Alphys won’t finish it for a while, but she needs to know what I want to look like. Azzy knows exactly what he wants, even if Mom won’t let him have it. But I…”

They trailed off with a huff.

“You don’t want to look like you used to?” Undyne asked, and Chara flinched. “Nevermind. Stupid question. You’re not the same kid you were before… everything.”

Geez, how was she supposed to help them? Just because she knew they were hurting didn’t mean she knew how to fix it. It wasn’t like anyone had experience with kids coming back to life a hundred years after they died.

“I can have pretty much any body I want. I know Aunt Alphys can do it,” Chara said. “I’ve looked like Frisk for so long, though. What if everyone expects me to keep looking like them? To keep looking…” Their gaze flickered to their hands, “human?”

“Huh.” Undyne sat back on her heels, crossing her arms over her knees. 

She hadn’t expected Chara to care what people thought. But to look completely different? To be something completely different? It had to be scary. 

“Do you not wanna be human anymore?”

Chara shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Humans kind of suck… except Frisk, I guess.” They smirked. “I want to be something cooler. Something like…”

“Like me, right?” Undyne joked while flexing.

“I want to look like my brother,” they finally blurted. “But his new body—it’s from a game we used to play as kids. He thinks I want to look like my character too, but I don’t. I can’t.”

Chara spoke so quickly, it took Undyne a moment to process.

“You think he won’t let you steal his OC? Knowing the little weed, he’d probably be flattered.”

“It’s not just that.” Chara gripped the necklace again. If it was supposed to be a comforting habit, it didn’t seem to be working. “I can’t tell him why I can’t use my own character. I’ve never been able to tell him. It’s complicated and stupid and Frisk says I should just tell him, but I can’t, we can’t tell anyone—”

“Hey.” Undyne leaned forward on her knees and squeezed the kid in a hug. “What did I tell you? You can tell your little sister anything.”

“Not this,” Chara muttered. “Especially not this.”

That hurt Undyne like a spear to the gut. Chara always seemed to trust her before. Whatever this was had to be bigger than some game they used to play with Asriel.

“Okay. Don’t tell me. But if it’s hurting you this much—tell someone, okay?” She pulled back, holding Chara by the shoulders so she could stare into their eyes.

She loved Chara. She loved Frisk. Jokes aside, they were her family. She wouldn’t sit back and do nothing while they suffered.

“You remember how much better Alphys felt after she told us her secrets?” she said. “She was afraid we were going to hate her. But we didn’t! And now she’s my girlfriend!! Fuhuhuhu!!!”

“I know. Frisk and I helped get you guys together.” Chara’s lips twitched into a smile. “Actually… you’re right. If anyone would understand, it’s Aunt Alphys.”

They looked up, a familiar determination shining in their brown eyes.

“Frisk and I will talk to her.”

“Heck yeah you will!!” Undyne smacked their back. She hadn’t expected them to agree so easily, or to pick Alphys of all their family members to confide in, but at least they were going to talk to someone. Sometimes good leadership—and siblingship—was knowing when to delegate to someone else.

If only Alphys could delegate her work to someone else. Would she be able to handle Chara’s problems on top of everything?

She probably could. Alphys was stronger than anyone gave her credit for. And if not, she could at least tell Undyne once she found out what Chara’s problem actually was.

One way or another, they would all keep each other safe.

Chapter Text

“I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

The phone call looped in Frisk’s mind over and over and over. At the time, they hadn’t even known who Alphys was. It had been their first timeline. They’d been terrified. Terrified of dying, terrified of their power, terrified of what they’d become.

That’s not who you are, Frisk. Chara’s voice grounded them. Chara had retreated into their headspace, leaving Frisk alone in the lab doorway. 

Not alone. Never alone. But Chara was just as scared, no matter what they said. 

Frisk took a deep breath. Aunt Undyne could only distract Dad and Flowey for so long. They needed to get this over with.

Undyne said it’s going to be okay, Chara said. Frisk wouldn’t tell them that Undyne was wrong about plenty of things. Like how to make spaghetti, for example.

But Undyne was probably right about this. Probably.

“I should have killed you when I had the chance.”

Alphys never had. Not in the first run, when she’d become queen. Not in the second one, when Frisk and Chara finished the job, destroying the entire timeline. Not in any of the others where they’d tried and tried and tried to do better. 

Frisk still didn’t know why she hadn’t taken them out. She’d had every right to.

Gathering their Determination, they knocked on the doorframe.

Alphys didn’t hear them over the sound of her welding torch. Frisk knocked again, louder.

“Ack!” 

The flame seared across the metal exoskeleton, leaving a scorch mark across what would become Flowey’s arm. Alphys switched off the torch and flipped up her welding mask. 

“O-oh! Frisk! Or, um, Chara?”

She squinted, and Frisk tapped their sternum. The necklace was tucked under their shirt, out of sight.

“Frisk,” she repeated more confidently. Her posture relaxed.

Why does she always like you better? Chara grumbled.

They both knew it was probably because of the home videos that Alphys had found. But Frisk said, Because you like Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2.

They could feel Chara scowling.

We are not having this conversation right now.

Frisk smiled a little. 

“D-did Chara figure out what they want to look like?” Alphys asked. “Not that there’s a rush! It’ll still take a few days to finish, um, Flowey’s body, but I thought. I don’t really know why else you’d want to talk to me alone…?”

They swallowed, their throat feeling painfully dry. It was a good thing they didn’t use their throat anyway. Still they hesitated, their hands shaking before they signed their words.

“I did something really bad.” That was an understatement. 

Chara snorted at them, though Frisk didn’t see them attempting to explain anything.

“Huh? Frisk, you didn’t—you didn’t try to separate Chara on your own, d-did you?” Alphys rushed over to them, her hands hovering near as if attempting to feel Chara’s spirit radiating from Frisk.

“No,” they signed quickly. “This was longer ago. Underground.”

Alphys blinked. 

“Um, okay? I mean, of course you can talk to me, about anything! I just, thought you would go to your mom or Sans first. Or Papyrus. Or, um, anyone except me?”

“It has to be you,” they signed firmly, their gaze never leaving Alphys’s eyes. “You know how to tell the truth, even when it’s hard.”

“I couldn’t have done that without you, Frisk.” Her face reddened a little. “B-but, if it would help, I’d be happy to role play with you again!”

Role play. Frisk’s shoulders relaxed a little bit. Telling the truth could be like a game. They could pretend someone else was talking about all of the horrible things they’d done.

They could pretend that Alphys would hate someone else. It would give them the strength to get the words out.

You can always go back if you mess up too bad, Chara said.

Frisk knew that, but it seemed insincere to rely on their power for this. They should have to live with the consequences of their actions, just like anyone else. Believing they could avoid consequences was what had gotten them here in the first place.

“Um, I can start, if you want,” Alphys said. They must have been quiet for too long. “Who do you want me to be? I could be you, or… I guess I can’t, since I don’t know what you’re worried about, ha ha.”

“I’ll be me, and you’ll be you,” Frisk signed. 

It’s not really role playing then, is it?

It’s the thought that counts, Chara.

“O-okay! Let’s do it!” Alphys gave a nervous grin, like she was the one about to spill a horrible secret and not them. “Hi, Frisk! Was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes,” they nodded while signing. Then, with Chara’s added determination spurring them on, they continued, “You know about resets, right?”

“Oh. Oh.” Her eyes widened. “I should’ve guessed, I just, didn’t think you would ever… b-but, this is good! Um, maybe we should sit down...” 

There wasn’t anywhere to sit in the lab besides Alphys’s workbench, which was filled with way too many tools, screws, and wires.

“It’s okay,” Frisk assured her. “I wanted to tell someone for a long time. Chara and I both have.”

I didn’t, Chara protested, even though they had been the one who caved to Undyne’s advice.

“How much do you know about resets?” Frisk asked, narrowing their eyes and leaning their head forward slightly.

Sans had known of them, read Frisk’s expression well enough to know how many times they’d died, up to a point. He didn’t remember past timelines, though. Alphys, having studied determination in detail, might know more. Maybe that was why she’d never fought them—she’d known how pointless it would be. 

"I should have killed you when I had the chance." 

No, she wouldn't have been that confident if she didn't have a plan.

“Um. I know that they began long before you fell down. That was probably Flowey’s fault… my fault,” she said quietly. “I know shifting the space-time continuum requires a massive concentration of Determination. The human soul’s resolve to change fate. You read about that, um, in my old lab.”

“It wasn’t just Flowey. I took the power when I fell down.” Frisk had to hold Alphys’s gaze in order to sign properly, no matter how much they wanted to look away. “I don’t know how it happened. But when I died, I would come back. And sometimes I could go back even if I didn’t die. If I wanted to fix things, or… or make them worse.”

Their gaze dropped to their feet. Even when they hadn’t been trying, they seemed to make things worse. Accidentally killing Papyrus, sending the Underground into a bloodthirsty rage under Undyne’s rule. Killing Mom and Undyne, leaving Mettaton to scramble to give monsters distraction after distraction, covering their darkness with a thin veneer of glitter. And of course, killing nearly everyone, placing the burden of ruling on Aunt Alphys.

“This timeline doesn’t seem so bad, if you ask me.” She forced a weak smile. “As for the others, I… didn’t really want to think about it. The DT extractor could be reversed to track signs of splitting timelines, but I left the thing alone. Those reports never seemed to do Sans any good. And it wasn’t like we’d remember those other lives, right?”

Frisk had coped pretty much the same way. While they couldn't forget what they'd done, they pretended those memories belonged to someone else. Like they were roleplaying a Frisk who had never felt their Mom's dust under their fingernails.

Alphys clicked her claws together, pulling Frisk out of those horrible memories. 

“But, um. I did think about… if I couldn’t handle it anymore, it wouldn’t really change anything if I…” Her eyes squeezed shut, but quickly she was back to pretending to be fine. “B-but hey, we’re not here to talk about me! You said you did something… bad?”

Bad. Awful. Unforgivable. 

Tears began to well in their eyes.

“You died,” they signed weakly.

“Yeah.” She sighed, looking smaller than ever. “Yeah, that figures.”

Frisk didn’t say how she died. They didn’t need to.

An awkward silence stretched between them, broken only by Undyne and Asgore laughing in the next room.

“Sometimes you didn’t die,” Frisk went on. They could do this. They needed to do this; they couldn’t keep pretending they were above consequences. “The first…” 

First of how many? For a two-handed sign, they would need to specify, but admitting just how many times felt like one step too much. They hoped Alphys wouldn’t read too much into their timid one-handed sign. 

“The first time, you lived. And you wished I was dead. Because I was so horrible.”

They stopped signing to wipe their eyes. 

“Frisk…?” Alphys’s voice was concerned, not disgusted. Frisk couldn’t see her through their tears.

I can’t do this, they cried out to Chara. I love Aunt Alphys. I don’t want her to hate me!

You really do think you’re above consequences, Chara scoffed, but they quickly softened. She’s already scared of me. Let me do it.

Chara…

They were my actions, too. Their voice was small. 

You were scared. You’d just come back from the dead! Your mom wasn’t the same, and nothing was the way you remembered— 

And you were just a kid, and everyone was trying to kill you, and our dear brother told you that killing was the only way to survive. We both had our reasons.

Alphys’s hands gently squeezed their shoulders, pulling them out of their headspace. 

“Frisk, p-please talk to me.”

“We killed everyone,” they signed before Chara could speak for them. “Mom. Dad. Papyrus. Undyne. Even Sans. After the timeline where you became queen, we killed them all. Somehow that gave us power to destroy the world. We thought that we could start over... that it would make everyone forget what we’d done for good…”

They’d hoped it would make themselves forget. 

It didn’t.

“We’re still here.” Alphys’s arms wrapped around them. 

She was shorter than them; she couldn’t give the all-encompassing hugs that Mom did. It still warmed them to their core. 

“Whatever you did then, you fixed it. You saved everyone. You’re a hero!”

She was pressed too close for Frisk to sign. Maybe that was on purpose. She couldn’t want to hear more about the sins Frisk had committed. She had the blessing of forgetting.

“I know how it feels, though.” She bit her lip and let Frisk go. “I screwed up so, so bad. Determination couldn’t fix my problems—n-not that Determination stopped you from hurting! I mean…” She huffed. “I’m sorry. I’m still screwing up. B-but, people keep forgiving me? And if they can forgive all the stuff I’ve done in this timeline, then I know they’ll forgive the things you did that they don’t even remember.”

Frisk rubbed their arm, still unsure. Alphys’s failures had still saved lives. Frisk’s had only taken them away.

“You were just a kid, Frisk,” she insisted. “You’re still a kid. N-not that there’s anything wrong with that! Just, you should never have had to—you had so much power! And, with great power comes g-great responsibility, s-so. I don’t think anyone could have handled the power to reset time without… messing up a few times.”

She looked at them. They were still slumped, curled in on themself.

“...I’m not helping, am I.” 

Frisk flinched. 

“You shouldn’t have to help. You should hate me.” Their teeth clenched tightly with the word hate. 

“I’m not very good at doing what I should.” She smiled awkwardly. “Sorry.”

Strangely, that was what coaxed a smile onto Frisk’s own face. “You’re good at role playing.”

Alphys blinked, then let out a loud laugh. 

“I had a good partner. And, um! I think it went pretty well!” Her eyes widened, and she gave them a panicked look. “As long as, um, you’re not going to—”

“I’m not going to reset again,” Frisk promised. “We can still save and load some here on the surface, but we’re not going back to the Underground. Ever.” They shook their head no with finality.

“Well! That’s a relief!” Her laugh was still a little nervous, but Frisk couldn’t blame her. It was a lot of trust to put in someone who was, in her own words, just a kid.

I don’t think you’re “just” anything, Frisk. Chara sounded proud.

“You’re a good kid, Frisk,” Alphys said. “And Chara, if you can hear me? You’re a good kid, too. Whatever you guys did doesn’t change that.”

Chara and Frisk’s Determination burned together, fueled by Alphys’s love.

Lowercase love. Not LOVE. Frisk was never going to feel that kind of LOVE ever again.

“Thanks, Aunt Alphys,” Chara said out loud, throwing their arms around her. Frisk couldn’t sign at the same time, so they settled for gently bumping their head against hers. Alphys might not know what it meant, but it was the closest they could both come to hugging her at the same time.

“Ehehe, you’re welcome. But we should still get you therapy, okay?”

Frisk winced, feeling Chara release full control to them again. 

They pulled back to sign, “I guess.” They weren’t really sure how that would even work. Who besides Alphys would believe them enough to do anything useful?

Sans would, Chara said, and then they both had to hold in a laugh at the thought of Sans giving anyone therapy.

“It really helps!” Alphys insisted. “There’s a place I go, if you’re okay with seeing a monster. They’re used to, um, weird cases like ours.”

Oh. That… might not be so bad. Frisk nodded.

“Good.” Alphys sighed in relief. “Because as much as I love you guys, I’m really not qualified to give you advice. But anyway! If that was all of the hard stuff, do you want to talk about something more fun? I know we still need to run more tests, but if Chara has any concept art for their body...”

It was a pretty blatant subject change, but they took it gratefully. Frisk pulled out the keyblade necklace from under their shirt, which made Alphys beam in recognition.

“H-hey, you kept it!”

“Of course we did.” Chara grinned. The particular keyblade they wore was named Two Become One. They had gotten a kick out of that, even if they typically wore their old locket.

“Do you have a pen?” Chara asked. “I think I’ve decided on a few ideas…”

Chapter Text

“You can do it, darling!” Mettaton called from the back porch. He and Toriel sat on patio chairs, sipping lemonade while Papyrus sweated away in the heat.

Papyrus blushed, for once feeling embarrassed by the attention. It would have been different if he could in fact “do it.” But so far no “it” had been done whatsoever!  

“We can take a break if ya need to,” Sans said. He hadn’t broken a sweat, of course. He had Papyrus’s tireless body!

“I DON’T NEED A BREAK! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS MORE THAN CAPABLE OF YOUR MAGIC TRICKERY!”

He wished he was as confident as his voice pretended. Regardless, he wouldn’t give up!  His brother was counting on him!

Sans had explained his theory about shortcuts. This time, he was more detailed than saying he just “felt it in his bones.” Apparently his shortcuts worked almost like Papyrus’s perfectly normal force-adjusting magic. 

“Almost,” however, did not appear to be good enough.

He grit his teeth and took off at a run across the lawn. The movement wasn’t strictly necessary, but a body in motion tended to stay in motion, and he needed every advantage he could get.

He closed his eyes and focused on his magic. Doctor Alphys had described magic as vibrations that made a monster’s physical matter exist in more than one place at once.  That wasn’t what using magic felt like, though. It felt more like working a puzzle, one where all of the pieces were invisible and wouldn’t appear unless slotted together correctly. It was exhilarating, coming up with new combinations of pieces and numbers, watching the fundamental forces of the universe respond to his delicate touch.

That was what magic was supposed to feel like. With Sans’s magic, every metaphysical jigsaw had been replaced with a tangled knot of yarn. That was a puzzle in itself, but not the type he wanted to solve! If he somehow ensnared himself in Sans’s magic…

Well, Papyrus was no stranger to how dangerous this type of magic could be. If Sans had remembered Dad today, Papyrus doubted he would have attempted this experiment.

It was best that Sans didn’t remember, then. Papyrus had to learn how to shortcut. Then he could reverse whatever Sans had done, and he could finally have his body back.

“Um, Papyrus, where are you—” Sans called out. 

Papyrus was still running. Their backyard was large, but he couldn’t run forever without hitting the neighbor’s wooden fence.

“I AM EXACTLY WHERE I WANT TO BE, BROTHER!” 

He clutched Chara’s locket to his chest, took hold of a skein of magic, and tugged.

...And he was still running. And not plowing face-first into a fence. That was good. Papyrus trusted Chara’s magic locket, but it would still be best to avoid injuring Sans’s body as much as possible.

Papyrus was supposed to be the responsible one. Sans’s body was still rubbing off on him!

He skidded to a stop, skull swiveling to take in his surroundings. He hadn’t actually focused on a destination for his “shortcut.” It had been more instinctive than anything, which made sense considering Sans’s instructions.

“I SUPPOSE I FELT SOMETHING IN MY BONES,” he mused, one second before he felt something on his bones. 

OW!

The neighbor’s large black dog had chomped down on his tibia. Dogs were annoying at the best of times, but in Sans’s body— 

“F-FETCH!”  He managed to screech, hurling a bone attack into the neighbor’s pool. 

Blessedly, the dog let go of his leg and chased after it.

“Papyrus!” Sans was vaulting over the fence.  Mettaton blasted a hole through the wood behind him, and Toriel followed on their heels.

“I’M ALRIGHT!” Papyrus forced a grin.

Did he dare check his HP?  He felt dizzy, but—but that was just from the shortcut, right? Or from the dog’s awful smell, maybe.

He was fine. His leg was fine! He did not just put Sans’s body in danger because he was so impatient to return to his own superior form!

“Please, allow me.” Toriel stepped past Sans, who was bleached with shock.  

Her paw came to rest over Papyrus’s tibia, and suddenly he no longer felt like his bone was on fire.

“THANK YOU,” he said, though he couldn’t meet her eyes.  

He couldn’t meet any of their eyes, not even Mettaton’s. He could only blame so much of his carelessness on Sans’s instincts.

No, Sans was never this careless. He couldn’t afford to be. If it hadn’t been for Chara’s locket and Toriel’s healing…

“Let’s get you out of here before that beast comes back.” Mettaton knelt to scoop him into his arms.

In that moment, though, Papyrus flinched away. His boyfriend shouldn’t have to clean up his mistakes.  

Mettaton looked confused. Hurt, even.  

“I’m sorry, sugarskull—” 

“NO. I’M SORRY,” Papyrus interrupted.  

He didn’t feel great at all.  He could hear the dog splashing in the pool, neighbors shouting from the house. His brother’s bones rattling as he stared at Papyrus with blank sockets.

Papyrus wished he were anywhere else but here.

And then, he was.

He was lying on his racecar bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’d shortcutted again. Again, just minutes after screwing up the first time!

He pulled his pillow over his face, but didn’t allow himself a scream. He had to do better. He had to be better! Sans was… Sans was counting on him…

Like a deflated whoopee cushion, his remaining energy leaked out.

Tears left salty streaks on his cheekbones as he slept.

XXX

The bones of Sans’s clenched fists ground against each other like nails on a chalkboard. How could he have been so stupid?  

Well, that was an easy question. He was Sans. “Stupid” was practically his middle name, right up there with “Selfish” and “Sucks.”

“He’s sleeping,” Mettaton said after peeking through Papyrus’s door.

“Figures,” Sans muttered. His pathetic body couldn’t hold up for even a few hours.

“It’s hardly his fault.” Mettaton frowned.

Sans shook his head. 

“Sorry.  Not what I meant.”

Mettaton’s expression softened a little.

“I’m just glad he’s alright.  If anything had happened to him…”

“Yeah.” Sans’s voice cracked. “You’d kill me. I know.”

“What? No, Sans-darling, that’s not what I meant, either.” Mettaton squeezed his shoulder. “Besides, I have the feeling you would punish yourself more than anyone else could.”

Sans grimaced. Clearly he hadn’t punished himself enough. If he had, he would’ve figured out how to fix this mess himself. Instead he’d wasted his time going on dates and enjoying his newfound energy, assuming Papyrus would be fine like he always was.

“I know we both worry. It’s what family does,” Mettaton continued. “He’s probably worried about disappointing you, too.”

Sans didn’t see how that could be possible. Papyrus had managed to shortcut with less than a day of practice. Even after Sans had come across the ability on accident, he’d spent weeks trying replicate it. Then he’d gotten stuck in walls more often than not. Papyrus had not only made it through the fence, but he’d made it to his room with no problem.

“Great. So now he’s worried for no reason.”

“That seems to run in the family, too,” he replied wryly. “I’m going to make sure he has something healthy to eat when he wakes up. Why don’t you tell Toriel that we found him? She’s probably done repairing the fence by now.”

He should. Toriel didn’t need to worry; Sans was doing enough of that on his own. But he couldn’t bring his feet to move.

“If you don’t want to leave him alone, I understand,” Mettaton said quietly. “Just take care of yourself too, darling. That’s what will make Papyrus happier than anything.”

Mettaton left, his metal footsteps echoing down the stairs.

As soon as he was gone, Sans peeked inside again, as if Papyrus would have disappeared when he wasn’t looking. Now that he could shortcut, that was more than just a paranoid worry.

But he was still there. The only difference was that he was now sitting up, staring straight at Sans.

“Uh,” Sans said dumbly. Papyrus had heard all that, hadn’t he.

“COME IN, BROTHER.” His voice was too quiet.

Sans did. He sat at the foot of the racecar bed, his legs too long to dangle properly.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean tibia bother,” he mumbled.

Papyrus groaned. 

“IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE A HORRIBLE PUN, YOU AT LEAST NEED TO PAIR IT WITH YOUR INSUFFERABLE GRIN! OTHERWISE IT’S JUST… SAD.”

Sans forced a grimace that might have been mistaken for a grin, if Papyrus was blind in both sockets.

“That’s me. Sans Sad the’Skeleton.”

Papyrus snorted, but then he stared down at his hands. They were tangled in his gray covers.

“METTATON WAS RIGHT, YOU KNOW. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. I’M THE ONE WHO LET YOU DOWN… AGAIN.”

“Huh? You gotta work on your eavesdropping skills, ‘cause he definitely didn’t say that.”

“MAYBE NOT, BUT IT MUST BE WHAT HE MEANT.” He slumped back against the headboard. “I FAILED TO KEEP YOUR BODY SAFE. I’VE BEEN MORE RECKLESS THAN YOU EVER HAVE. PLUS HE KNOWS I—I CAVED AND ATE GREASE YESTERDAY.”

Papyrus admitted that last bit in a whisper, as if it were the greatest sin of all.

“Bad taste isn’t a crime.” If it was, Sans would've been locked up a long time ago.

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Papyrus threw his arms in the air. “I THOUGHT I COULD HELP YOU. I THOUGHT THAT IF I WAS YOU, I COULD DO EVERYTHING… BETTER. THAT IF I JUST TRIED HARD ENOUGH, I COULD IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH. HOW EGOCENTRIC IS THAT? TO ASSUME YOU WEREN’T TRYING HARD ENOUGH YOURSELF…”

Sans blinked at the disgust in Papyrus’s voice.

“I don’t try that hard,” he said.  

Honestly, he’d kind of thought Papyrus could fix him, too. For someone without Determination, Papyrus couldn't be stopped when he put his mind to something. Such an easy fix was too good to be true though.

“OF COURSE YOU DON’T! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR BODY PROHIBITS TRYING! I JUST WANT TO SLEEP, AND SNACK, AND SLEEP SOME MORE!”

“Uh. Sorry?” Sans grimaced. “Maybe you should go back to sleep. I mean, some of that’s probably your leg still healing.”

Sans wished he could see the damage, but Papyrus’s legs were fully covered by the comforter. Besides, Sans trusted Toriel’s healing magic. Papyrus would be fine. 

He had to be.

“MY LEG FEELS FINE,” Papyrus said, and Sans couldn’t tell if he was lying. “PLEASE JUST LET ME FINISH APOLOGIZING!”

“You were apologizing?”

Papyrus bit down on his glove and screamed. Sans couldn’t help grinning a little. His brother was just so easy to rile up—and if he felt good enough to be annoyed, then he really was fine.

“I’M APOLOGIZING FOR BEING ANGRY WITH YOU!” he finally burst.

“You’re apologizing for that?” Sans stared. “I’d get it if you said sorry for nearly getting my leg bit off. But being angry? Bro, I trapped you in a body that craves sleep and grease. Of course you’re mad at me.”

“BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE!” Papyrus scooted forward. He was still covered by the blankets, which bunched up as he moved to clasp Sans’s hand. “MY FRUSTRATION HAS MADE ME RECKLESS. I CAN’T AFFORD TO HURT YOUR BODY JUST BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE IN IT. ESPECIALLY WHEN I PROMISED TO PROTECT YOU.”

Oh. So he was apologizing for the leg thing.

“‘S fine.  I trust you.” Sans’s smile was real this time. “I mean, look at you. If I’d taken a hit like you did, I’d be— ”

He cut himself off. Talking about getting dusted probably wouldn’t ease Papyrus’s worries.

Papyrus frowned, clearly getting the point anyway.

“THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. CHARA GAVE ME A PROTECTIVE CHARM.”

“Really? Huh. I’ll have to thank ‘em for charming ya.” 

“SANS!” Papyrus huffed. It was music to Sans’s ears.

“Heh. I guess I should, uh, apologize too.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry for gettin’ you stuck in my defective body. And for throwing all the responsibility on you to fix it. I’ll put a little more backbone into getting you back to normal.”

Sans would go back to being exhausted and fragile, but that was fine. He was used to it. At least he now knew for sure that it wasn’t just a lack of motivation.

“APOLOGY ACCEPTED!” Papyrus pulled Sans into a tight hug.  

He didn’t think his apology was good enough to deserve that, but he felt comforted anyway.

Chapter Text

Alphys stared at the lab reports and tried not to throw up.

“T-this is fine,” she said to herself, plopping down in her computer chair and pulling up the raw data again. 

Maybe her printer had just… glitched. In exactly the same pattern for each of Sans and Papyrus’s attacks. Even though she’d reprinted the data three times.

Yeah. She didn’t believe herself, either.

The graphs sprawled across the screen in sinusoidal waves. On its own, that wouldn’t have been alarming. Monster magic acted like both a particle and a wave, after all. But the amplitude and frequency of these specific waves…

They were all exactly the same. Whether the original attack had been white or blue, created by Sans or Papyrus—with the exception of the control groups, they all shared the same values.

Those values were an exact average between Sans and Papyrus’s magical measurements. As if the waves had been added together. As if they’d become…

She scrambled off of her chair, nearly tripping over her lab coat in her haste to reach the refrigerator. It wasn’t a regular fridge, or even a hotfridge. She’d modified it to keep out magical interference, like the fridge in her old lab underground. If anything had changed about the bone attacks inside— 

She opened the door and let out a sigh of relief. None of the bones had melted together. She used a dirty fork to nudge a few of them, confirming that they were still solid (or incorporeal, in the case of the blue attacks). Even when she stacked a few on top of each other, they didn’t show any signs of stickiness.

But the reports…

She looked back to her computer, biting her lip. There was no data on what was “normal” for monsters switching bodies. It just didn’t happen! So, there was nothing to say that the attacks averaging their properties was a problem? Especially if they weren’t, well, amalgamating…

And Sans and Papyrus were fine, too! Sans had texted her just last night that Papyrus felt comfortable shortcutting now, if that was the method they wanted to try returning them to their bodies.

All they were waiting on was her.

She sat back at her computer desk and sipped on the smoothie that Undyne had brought her a few hours ago. It was mostly melted by now, but it was still edible. (If a little heavy on the cinnamon.)

Undyne would suplex anyone who rushed Alphys. She’d already done so to a rich client who’d showed up at Alphys’s doors, demanding to know why his son’s drone wasn’t fixed yet. As mortified as Alphys had been, it had been really entertaining to watch Undyne use the man’s tie as a slingshot. Undyne assured Alphys that she’d pumped the man full of enough green magic to survive the landing. Humans were resilient, right?

Alphys wasn’t looking forward to the review Mr. Soborne would leave on her website, but at least Undyne had gotten a cute emerald-crusted tie out of it, so?

Anyway! The point was, Undyne could buy Alphys as much time as she needed to figure this out. Alphys just wished she had any clue how long that might be.

Chara and Flowey’s robotic bodies were already finished. The tangible work of soldering plates, processing the donated fur, and wiring synthetic neurons was relaxing compared to the metaphysical issue of how to actually get her friends into the right bodies. And now, with the bone data finalized…

She still had no clue what she was doing. Just like with the Determination experiments.

She dropped her face onto her keyboard, not caring that it exited out of her analysis program. The computer couldn’t tell her anything else at this point.

Somewhere deep down, in the part of herself that had actually absorbed Papyrus’s self-esteem training, she knew that she was overreacting. She’d only run one test. Just because the data didn’t line up with her hypothesis didn’t mean she’d failed. 

Her hands still felt clammy. She dug her claws into her palms and tried to calm her breathing.

This wasn’t like the Determination experiments. She hadn’t done anything to Sans and Papyrus, or Flowey or Chara for that matter. And if anything went terribly wrong this time, Frisk and Chara were prepared to use their power to make things right. Everything was going to be okay.

Her friends were still here to support her, this time. They were all counting on her, but… maybe they’d understand if she needed their help, too. At the very least, they deserved an update on what she knew so far.

She dug her phone out of her lab coat pocket, determined—er, committed to not make the same mistakes this time.

XXX

It felt like a meeting with her old Royal Guard, sitting around Alphys’s round table with her friends. Undyne sat on Alphys’s right, of course, with Papyrus, Mettaton, Toriel, and Sans filling out the rest of the ring. Chara, Frisk, and Flowey were at Kid’s house this afternoon. Undyne figured their mom didn’t want them here for such a heavy discussion, even if their time travelling power might be useful later.

That was okay. Undyne would protect Papyrus and his lazy brother… even if she had no idea how.

“...s-so, yeah.” Alphys finished explaining the situation, rolling the sheets of incomprehensible graphs back up. “I thought, with all of us working together, we could avoid… screwing up.”

Undyne rubbed her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Of course we can! With all our hearts beating as one, we can’t go wrong!”

Alphys’s wavering smile turned a little more sincere at that.

“My bro and I still feel fine, for what it’s worth,” Sans said, picking at his teeth with his pinkie. It was still unsettling hearing his voice come out of her best friend’s mouth.

“AS FINE AS I CAN WHILE—” Papyrus clamped his jaw shut. “I MEAN, I’VE NEVER FELT BETTER! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH CRAVING A LITTLE GREASE!!”

Sans chuckled, but didn’t elaborate on whatever weird brother shenanigans they had going on.

“I am not sure how much I can help, but I appreciate the invitation,” Toriel said, her hands folded primly in her lap. 

Frankly, Undyne didn’t know what Toriel would do either. Being the former queen didn’t mean she knew anything about science—but then again, neither did Undyne.  Besides, Mettaton was here too, so maybe Alphys had just invited everyone’s significant others for moral support.

“A-actually, I need your knowledge of Boss Monster magic.” Alphys bit her lip. “You know how when you have, um, a biological kid… your magic flows into them as they age, right?”

Toriel’s expression hardened slightly.

“That is typically how it works, yes.” Her voice was guarded. 

Undyne guessed that didn’t work so well when her kid was a flower. After all, Asgore had never seemed to age in all the time Undyne had known him. 

Alphys wouldn’t have touched that nerve without good reason. Undyne leaned forward, hoping she would be able to follow her girlfriend’s brilliant leaps this time.

“So, when you and your, er, partner—um! What I’m trying to say is, do you know if Asriel’s magic levels were an average of yours and Asgore’s?” she got out quickly.

Toriel blinked, but quickly seemed to understand. “You want to know if it resembled the readings you received from the bone attacks.” 

“Exactly!” Alphys nodded in relief. “M-maybe it’s a shot in the dark, but… I really don’t have a lot of data to compare this situation to? Most monster children are created a little, differently, so—”

Papyrus coughed loudly. “YES, WE ALL KNOW HOW MONSTER CHILDREN ARE CREATED.”

Mettaton’s mouth opened, but quickly shut again. Undyne raised an eyebrow, and he blushed. She didn’t even want to start unpacking that.

“R-right! A-anyway, that was stupid, so—”

“Perhaps not.” Toriel frowned thoughtfully. “I do not have Asriel’s readings anymore, of course. That was so long ago. But, I do believe that equal contributions of magical energy from both Boss Monster parents lead to a stable medium in the child. That is one of the key components to our immortality—the stability of our magic means that we do not experience physical decay in the same manner as other monsters.”

Papyrus’s browbone furrowed.

“ARE YOU SAYING THAT SANS MADE US BOTH IMMORTAL?”

“That would be pretty sweet.” Sans grinned.

“No.” Alphys sighed. “It’s your attacks that have averaged out, and only after you passed them through each other. The magic that makes up your bodies hasn’t changed.”

“Oh well.” Sans shrugged. “Guess immortality’s not all it’s cracked up to be, anyway.”

Toriel looked down at that.

“No. It is not.”

After a moment of awkward silence, Mettaton clapped his hands together.

“Well! It’s wonderful that Papyrus and Sans are not in danger of melting together for all eternity, but what do you suggest we do now?” He looked to Alphys.

“I don’t, actually know? That’s why I called all of you.” Her face flushed. “I mean, if we think that reenacting the shortcut will change them back, we can try that—but not until I’ve studied the way they work. I won’t risk something worse happening to either of you.”

Sans nodded.

“Sounds good to me.”

“I TRUST YOU, DOCTOR ALPHYS! IF YOU NEED TO STUDY US MORE, I WILL GLADLY TOLERATE THIS BODY A LITTLE LONGER!”

Mettaton patted him consolingly on his tiny shoulder.

“I-I have a few ideas of how to make sure the shortcuts are safe.” Alphys unrolled a fresh sheet of blue paper and started sketching out a diagram for some kind of machine. “If I can echo the amplitude and wavelength of the magical disturbance, and recreate it artificially…”

“A teleportation machine,” Undyne realized once Alphys had drawn two cylindrical chambers.

“Exactly! So we can make sure the consciousness transfer is possible first, without having Sans and Papyrus risk anything.” Alphys beamed. “The science shouldn’t be difficult with their help. I did lots of research on moving nonlinearly through space when I was the Royal Scientist. It um, didn’t really go anywhere, because the Barrier was a magical field that existed in every dimension, but… a-anyway! I can apply the principles to this, easy.”

Undyne smiled back at her brilliant girlfriend, proud that she was showing so much confidence. It was obvious that Alphys knew what she was doing, even if she’d gotten stuck in her head earlier. She’d just needed a little encouragement to trust herself.

“Uh, that’s great and all,” Sans scratched the back of his neck, “but how exactly are you gonna test a machine like that? Seems like you’d need somebody with a consciousness.”

Alphys looked to Mettaton, biting her lip. “I wouldn’t ask you, but…”

“Ah. You didn’t invite me just because you missed my gorgeous face.” He smiled back. “Yes, darling. For Papyrus? Of course I will.”

“Thank you, Mettaton.” She clasped his hand over the table. “And I d-did miss you, for the record.”

Undyne’s brow furrowed.

“I’m not doubting you or anything, Alphy, but why’s the robot gotta be the guinea pig?”

She would’ve volunteered herself, had Alphys given her the chance. She’d do anything for Papyrus, too. Besides, she trusted her girlfriend’s commitment to safety. Even the amalgamates, which Alphys thought were her greatest failure, were still better off than they would’ve been without her help.

“Undyne, darling. I know Alphys told you about me.” Mettaton looked a little embarrassed. Undyne hadn’t known his face could make that expression.

“About—? Oh. This has something to do with you being trans?”

Mettaton’s eyes widened, but then he laughed. 

“Of course, beautiful! Didn’t you know that trans people are immune to body transplant rejection?” He grinned.

Undyne’s eye narrowed. It was always hard to tell when the robot was being serious.

“HE’S ONLY JAPING YOU, UNDYNE,” Papyrus quickly reassured her. “IT’S HIS SPECTRAL QUALITIES THAT WILL PROTECT HIM DURING THIS HEROIC MISSION… I HOPE.” He turned to his boyfriend. “YOU WILL BE OKAY, RIGHT?”

“If there is any issue with the consciousness transfer, I should still have the capability of returning to my fabulous body, yes.” He squeezed Papyrus’s hand. “Trust me, darling. I would not agree to something like this lightly.”

Undyne knew that Alphys knew about Frisk and Chara’s power, too. If anything went wrong, Undyne was sure they would use it.

“Then—it’s a plan!” Alphys clapped. “The only thing is, um, I may need some help, building the machine? I mean, I could do it by myself, but if we want to get Papyrus and Sans back to normal as soon as possible…”

“It’s the least we can do.” Mettaton smiled. “Just tell us your vision, darling, and we’ll make it a reality.”

“Yeah! I promise I won’t get distracted by how hot you are in a welding helmet this time!”

Alphys flushed bright red at Undyne’s words. 

“Th-thank you? I think?” She gave Undyne a quick kiss, which warmed her to the tips of her fins. 

“You’re welcome!”

Sans was snickering. Alphys shot him a glare, and he schooled his expression into something neutral.

“My schedule is clear for the evening,” Toriel said. “I am ready to begin whenever you are.”

“Th-then let’s do it!” Alphys leapt up in her chair, her lab coat flaring dramatically. “Commence Operation: Mortal Coil Shuffle!”

“WOWIE! WE EVEN HAVE A SUPER COOL SCIENCE PROJECT NAME!” Papyrus beamed. 

“Hell yeah!!” Undyne nearly suplexed her chair in excitement, but didn’t want to make any extra mess for Alphys to clean up.

“Heh. I’m surprised you didn’t name it after that bodyswap episode of Mew Mew Kissy Cutie,” Sans said.

Alphys and Undyne both stared at him.

“You watched Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!?” they both asked in unison.

He winked. “Nope.”

Undyne shook her head with a snort. Even after all these years, Sans still managed to surprise her. Though he was right: A Mile In Her Ears had pretty good codename potential, even if Undyne, Mettaton, (and apparently Sans??) would have been the only ones to understand it.

“Wh-whatever!” Alphys stammered, then pointed to Sans and Papyrus. “You two, report to the back lab table! I’ll be there to measure Papyrus’s shortcut readings in a minute. Toriel, Mettaton, and Undyne, you’re on chassis duty! I want two glass cylinders with the specs I wrote on the blueprints.”

She handed the sketch she’d made during the meeting to Undyne.

“The silica crystals are in the barrel over there. Between Mettaton’s flamethrowers, Toriel’s fire magic, and Undyne’s green magic to stabilize the structure, you shouldn’t have any problems. Is everything clear?”

“MA’AM YES MA’AM!” Papyrus saluted sharply. “THIS IS JUST LIKE HOW I IMAGINED THE ROYAL GUARD! ONLY DOCTOR ALPHYS IS IN CHARGE INSTEAD OF YOU, UNDYNE!”

“It’s what she deserves!” Undyne grinned and gave Alphys a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re the coolest, babe!”

“I am pretty cool, aren’t I?” Alphys touched her cheek and grinned back. “Just don’t let my sexiness stop you from getting the job done.”

“H-hey!” Undyne stammered, blushing. Alphys wasn’t helping! She knew that being passionate was Undyne’s weakness!! “I told you, I’m gonna do this right this time!!!”

Undyne leapt from her chair, leading Mettaton and Toriel to the corner of the lab that Alphys had indicated. Her heart beat hard and fast both in admiration of her girlfriend and in anticipation of the task ahead.

Finally, she was going to help her friends.

Chapter Text

“WHAT DO YOU THINK, FLOWEY? DOES THIS COMPLEMENT MY ORBISH BODY?”

Papyrus spun, letting the purple-and-red miniskirt flare out around his hips. Flowey looked up and squinted at him in the dressing room mirror.

“It looks way better than your brother’s gross gym shorts.” Anything Papyrus picked out would look better than Sans’s garbage, though.

“IT’S NOT HIS FAULT HE DOESN’T SHARE OUR EXCELLENT TASTE.” Papyrus slipped out of the skirt and folded it neatly on top of his “yes” pile. 

Flowey was sure Sans could try a little harder to look cool. Unfortunately, Sans only seemed to try when everyone else was dead.

He bit the inside of his cheek, forcing those memories down. At least he wasn’t the only one who’d gone crazy with his godlike powers. Frisk and Chara had finally told him about the cruel things they’d done, things that had literally brought the timeline to an end.

“Things” that included killing their brother. Their best friend.

He couldn’t blame them. He’d deserved it more than anyone else they’d killed. Now they were finally even for all the times he’d killed them.

“WOWIE, THOSE WILL LOOK GREAT WITH YOUR NEW BODY!” Papyrus beamed, looking at the splatter-print rainbow sweatshirt and matching pants Flowey had picked out. 

Without asking, Papyrus held down the far edge of the tape measure. Was it that obvious that Flowey needed help? At least Papyrus hadn’t made a big deal about it or anything.

Flowey pulled the tape measure taut at the left edge of the shirt. The measurements lined up with what Alphys had told him, and the fabric felt soft enough. 

Would he even be able to feel sensations like touch once his consciousness was transferred? Mettaton could. Aunt Mew Mew could. But they’d been ghosts, and Flowey was…

Flowey was nothing. All the donated fur, cool designs, and new clothes in the world couldn’t replace a soul.

“SHOULD WE GET THEM?” Papyrus asked before Flowey could wallow any deeper in self-pity.

“Yeah,” Flowey said too quietly, then forced himself to show his most pleasant grin. “Like you said, they’ll look great!”

Papyrus didn’t have his own soul right now, and he was still Papyrus. Maybe souls weren’t all they were cracked up to be. Flowey could still be himself in his new body, even without a soul to transfer.

“EXCELLENT!” Papyrus set the outfit aside, then somehow dug a slightly smaller copy out of their try-on-slash-measure pile. “LET’S SEE IF THEY LOOK HALF AS GOOD ON ME!”

Flowey snorted as Papyrus pulled the sweatshirt over his stumpy torso. Papyrus had the confidence to pull off anything, though, and that confidence radiated to everyone around him. It was almost like Flowey could borrow his soul just by being close—or Sans’s soul, technically. Whatever.

“Not bad.” Flowey’s smile was more genuine this time.

Papyrus struck a few poses in the mirror, until he noticed Flowey mimicking his signature googly-eyed expression.

Papyrus laughed and clipped a plastic earring to one of Flowey’s petals.

“THERE! NOW WE MATCH EVEN BETTER!” 

The other clip-on—a dangly plastic ruby—hung from the side of Papyrus’s skull. It didn’t seem to be connected to anything. Was Papyrus using blue magic to hold it there? That was pretty cool, actually.

They spent a few more minutes cycling through dumb and scary faces, making each other laugh while Papyrus tried on outfit after outfit. Eventually Papyrus carried Flowey’s pot and the stack of clothes out of the dressing room. Flowey had no idea how much Papyrus’s resort manager job paid, but it was enough for him to afford all of the clothes and accessories without batting an eye.

“WHERE TO NEXT, MY FLORAL FRIEND?” Papyrus asked while tucking the Justice™ bags into his inventory.

“Hmmm…” Flowey squinted at the shops across the hall. Most of them looked super boring and lame. Hollister, Aeropostale, Victoria’s Secret… 

Well, maybe that one wouldn’t be boring. It looked very pink, though he wasn’t really sure what it was selling. The mannequins were barely wearing any clothes, which seemed counterproductive for a clothing store.

Papyrus followed his line of sight.

“YOU WANT TO GO THERE? I’M NOT SURE IT WOULD BE, YOUR, UM, STYLE—”

“I’m still figuring out my style.” Flowey pouted. Why did Papyrus look so uncomfortable?

Well, there was only one way to find out.

“Come on, let’s go!” He tugged on Papyrus’s arm.

“ALRIGHT, IF YOU’RE SURE.” Papyrus scratched his clavicle beneath his scarf. “I SHOULD FIND METTATON A PRESENT TO CELEBRATE HIS SPECIAL TONIGHT, ANYWAY.”

Ugh. Flowey hoped he didn’t have to go to that. Chara and Frisk both loved Uncle Mettaton, but Flowey couldn’t sit through hours of rose petal rain without falling asleep.

Papyrus carried Flowey into the bright store, and he quickly saw why Papyrus had been confused. All the mannequins had female-presenting bodies. None of it would fit Flowey’s new robotic form.

“You could’ve told me it was just lame stuff,” he huffed. “What would you get your boyfriend here, anyway?”

Papyrus blushed blue.

“THAT’S A SURPRISE, OF COURSE!”

Flowey squinted, but that was one thing he knew about Papyrus: if he didn’t want you to know something, you weren’t going to find it out. That was part of what made him so interesting and fun to play with.

“IT WOULD PROBABLY BE USELESS IN MY CURRENT STATE, ANYWAY.” Papyrus sighed.

“Hey, lighten up.” Flowey tickled Papyrus’s arm with a leaf. “Alphys brought me back from the dead. Fixing you is going to be a piece of cake.”

Papyrus frowned.

“BAKING CAKE IS A LOT HARDER THAN IT LOOKS. DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THE SHELLS BEFORE ADDING THE EGGS? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED THAT?”

Flowey raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, anyone who’s ever baked before?”

Papyrus just laughed at that. He started to head back out of the store, which was probably for the best, since the women inside were giving them weird looks. They probably didn’t know what a flower and a stubby skeleton would want with a bunch of poor-fitting clothes.

“I’M PICKING THE NEXT STORE,” Papyrus decided.

“Whatever. As long as we go to Hot Topic before we leave.”

“AN EXCELLENT PICK! MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR PREVIOUS IDEA!”

“You didn’t tell me what was in there, stupid!”

On the way to Hot Topic, Papyrus bought him a giant pretzel. It was a good enough apology.

XXX

“No fair, how come you got a pretzel?” Frisk signed when Flowey and Papyrus bumped into them in the Hot Topic. It had been easy to pick them out in the cramped store—the stack of t-shirts they were balancing on their head was taller than the shelves.

“Cause I went with the cool uncle.” Flowey stuck out his tongue, which still had chewed-up pretzel on it. (Papyrus gave a self-satisfied “NYEH HEH!”)

“It wasn’t like you gave us a choice. You picked Uncle Papyrus first,” Frisk pointed out.

“Hey, c’mon. I’m not that lame.” Sans appeared from behind them and gave them a noogie. Flowey was glad his current form made receiving noogies impossible.

Huh. It was going to be weird having a regular, noogie-able body again.

“OF COURSE YOU AREN’T! ‘LAME’ ONLY SHARES ONE LETTER FROM YOUR NAME!” Papyrus grinned. “UNLIKE ‘COOL,’ WHICH SHARES… EXACTLY ZERO.”

“Alright, I can live with that. Only one-fourth lame.”

“SANS! THAT WAS A JOKE! YOU ARE NOT LAME IN THE SLIGHTEST!! UNLESS YOU MEAN THE PHYSICAL, LITERAL SENSE, IN WHICH CASE YOUR BODY DOES HAVE DIFFICULTY WALKING OCCASIONALLY.” 

Flowey snickered, but Frisk shot him a glare. Right. Making fun of people’s bodies was rude, or whatever. At least Sans actually had legs.

“Did you buy anything cool?” Frisk asked while Sans and Papyrus traded increasingly lame jokes-slash-insults-slash-possibly-compliments. Flowey didn’t care enough to separate the categories.

“Yeah, I’ll show you in the car,” Flowey said. He would’ve shown off then, but everything was in Papyrus’s inventory, and he still had more stuff to pick out. “Take me over to the leggings while these two are wasting time.”

Frisk smiled and took Flowey’s pot from Papyrus’s hands.

“OH, ALRIGHT!” Papyrus blinked. “IF YOU NEED HELP MEASURING ANYTHING, I’LL BE IN THE FUNKO POP SECTION!”

“That got anything to do with the new Mettaton figure they announced?” Sans grinned.

“SO WHAT IF IT DOES? BUYING MY BOYFRIEND’S MERCH IS ONLY THE SUPPORTIVE THING TO DO!”

Flowey snorted, but thankfully Frisk carried him away before he had to listen to any more of Papyrus’s sappiness.

Once they reached the back corner of the store, Frisk set his pot on a shelf and pulled their keyblade pendant from under their collar.

Immediately, the t-shirt stack on their head began to tumble. Chara didn’t share Frisk’s superhuman balance. They caught the clothes in their arms, piling them next to Flowey’s pot.

“Aww, you wanted to talk to me that badly?” Flowey morphed his face into a form with eyelashes so he could bat them innocently.

They rolled their eyes. “I want some cool leggings too, stupid.”

Flowey laughed and finished off his pretzel. Mmm. Salty.

In no time, they’d both picked out several matching pairs of leggings, including one with a glittering red skull on each side. Flowey couldn’t wait to see the look on Uncle Papyrus’s face when he saw those.

“So,” Chara started quietly as they folded up the jumble of clothes, “It’s gonna be happening pretty soon, huh.”

“You don’t sound excited.” Flowey frowned. “Aren’t you happy? We’re going to be…”

“Free,” they whispered. Their hands smoothed over the clasp on a pair of black overalls. “Yeah. I’m not—I’m not getting cold feet or anything.”

Flowey blinked. It wasn’t like Chara to even bring up the possibility of backing out.

“Look, if you decided you don’t wanna copy my character design, that’s fine.” He’d gotten attached to the idea of being twins, and the clothes Chara had picked out wouldn’t fit if they changed their mind, but it was whatever. They’d still be Chara, no matter what they looked like.

“I’m not worried about that.”

“But you’re worried.” 

He didn’t like that. Chara could do stupid stuff when they worried.

They breathed out, their fists balling on top of their half-folded clothes.

“It’s up to me again,” they murmured, then flinched. “Right—and Frisk, too. They don’t want me to forget that.” 

Flowey pouted. It wasn’t fair that Frisk and Chara got to have secret conversations in their head. At least that problem would be over soon, too.

“If anything goes wrong, I mean. With the bodyswap machine,” they clarified. “If Mettaton gets stuck in the trial run, or if it works on him, but not our uncles—”

“Then you’re going to reset.” 

It wasn’t a question. Chara and Frisk would never leave a family member behind. Of course, resetting on the surface wasn’t the same as resetting Underground. Flowey knew, because he could still remember every reset. Frisk and Chara had only done it around six times—the first three by accident—and they’d never gone back far enough to risk unraveling the timeline. If he had to pick out all these clothes again because they went a little too far back, it wasn’t the end of the world. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.” Their expression was hard—but not Determined.

“Don’t tell me you forgot how to do it.” Flowey snorted.

“Stop being stupid on purpose.” They scowled. “We can fix anything that happens with you, or Sans and Papyrus, or Mettaton. That’s easy. But if anything goes wrong with us…”

Flowey’s insides went cold. He should’ve seen this coming. Alphys had studied their reset abilities, and had guessed that the only reason they could still reset was because of their combined energies. 

Once Chara was pulled free, the timeline would no longer be under their control.

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong.” Flowey’s vines gripped the side of their face. “Cause if it does, I’ll nab a few losers’ souls, and I’ll reset.”

Chara’s eyes widened, just for a moment, before they fixed him with a deadpan stare.

“No. You won’t.”

“Shut up.” He flicked their cheek, right above an old scar. He wondered which of their family members had given it to them, and if Frisk and Chara had even thought twice before forgiving them. 

“I’m not losing you again,” he vowed. “Don’t—don’t even talk like that.”

“You’re the one who started talking about stealing souls.” They pushed at his vines, and he reluctantly let go. “Anyway. You’re right, I guess. Nothing’s going to happen, so there’s no point in worrying about it.”

If there wasn’t a point, Chara wouldn’t have brought it up at all. They enjoyed dark humor, but this was too far, even for them.

They tucked their pendant back under their collar. Frisk placed the folded stack of clothes back on their head.

“You’re not gonna be able to run away like that forever, you know.” Flowey scowled. “Once you have your own body, you’re gonna have to stay here and talk to me.”

“They wish they didn’t tell you,” Frisk signed bluntly. “They don’t want you to worry. But they want you to know they care about you. Just in case.”

They picked up Flowey’s pot, and he curled his vines tightly around his stem.

“What about you?” he found the nerve to ask. “Are you worried?”

Should I be worried? he left unsaid.

They paused thoughtfully.

“It’s not about me,” they finally signed. 

“That’s a fake answer and you know it,” Flowey grumbled.

“Fine,” Frisk gave a lazy sign while heading towards the Funko Pop wall. “I’m not worried. Because Aunt Alphys is the smartest, and Chara is the strongest, and you’re…”

Their hand motion waffled off into something Flowey couldn’t read.

“I’m what?” he demanded.

“You’re the annoyingest. I couldn’t get rid of you if I tried.” They grinned.

“Hey!” Despite everything, he grinned back. “You want annoying? I’ll show you annoying.”

Thirty seconds and two broken shelves later, they were kicked out of the store. Sans was too busy laughing to tell them off, and Papyrus was too busy paying for the damages, their clothes, and his five Mettaton funko pops.

Flowey was glad he’d gotten his pretzel earlier. He was pretty sure neither of his uncles were going to take him to the mall again.

Chapter Text

“You’ll do fine.”“You’ll do fine.”“You’ll do fine.”“You’ll do fine.”“You’ll do fine.”“You’ll do fine.” Lemon Bread’s echoing voices shook the thick curtain separating her and Mew Mew from the stage.

“I don’t WANT to do fine,” Mew Mew huffed, running her hand down the flat side of her chainsaw. “I want to win.”

She’d been training with Lemon Bread for months in anticipation for this moment: her first chainsaw battle match with Mettaton since Papyrus’s Gyftmas party. She’d figured the fame-drunk floozy would challenge her in public—and she’d been right, of course—but she’d expected a little more time before the showdown. For all of their sparring, she could still barely keep up with Lemon Bread.

Lemon Bread was an eldritch super-being who couldn’t be physically harmed, though. Mettaton was just an overhyped tin can. She was going to cut him open and drink his Gamerblood Energy™… blood. 

Hm. She’d need to find a better threat than that.

“What’s a threat that’ll make him scream and cry and throw up?” she asked Lemon Bread. She could’ve come up with a spicy one herself, but she was short on time. Only five minutes until the curtains opened.

Lemon bread flexed while showing off a toothy grin.

“If you’re intimidating enough, you don’t have to say anything.”“don’t have to say anything.”“don’t have to say anything.”“don’t have to say anything.”“don’t have to say anything.”“don’t have to say anything.”

“I can be plenty intimidating.” Mew Mew bared her teeth. Sometimes, she missed having the extra set of teeth in her stomach. It would’ve been nice to have twice the snarling power.

“That’s the spirit.”“That’s the spirit.”“That’s the spirit.”“That’s the spirit.”“That’s the spirit.”“That’s the spirit.” 

Yeah. Yeah! YEAH! She’d kick Mettaton’s butt so hard, she wouldn’t even need witty one-liners!

Lemon Bread gave her a hearty pat on the back before slithering further backstage. 

“Welcome, beauties and gentlebeauties…!” Mettaton’s obnoxious voice boomed on the other side of the curtain.

Blah blah blah, she didn’t care about all of his grandstanding. She polished her pink chainsaw until the curtains finally opened.

The stage was classic, she’d give him that. It was about the size of a thundersnail track, with a pit of fizzing radioactive-red liquid beneath a precarious bridge at the center. The liquid was Gamerblood Energy™, according to the sponsorship sign next to the pit. So she wouldn't even have to crack Mettaton open to drink it. Ha!

Bright spotlights made it hard to see much beyond the stage, but she heard Chara and Flowey’s unmistakable demands for carnage.

“CRUSH HIM LIKE A TIN CAN!” Chara shouted from the front row.

“Break him apart bolt by bolt!” Flowey called.

“THEY DON’T MEAN THAT!!” Papyrus’s voice said. 

Mew Mew blew a kiss in the kids’ general direction. Stupid spotlights blinding her. Mettaton must’ve known she’d be unbeatable if she could see properly.

“Ah, so I’m to be the underdog today. I suppose that’s for the best. You’ve hardly mastered the art of heel turning.” Mettaton leaned against his chainsaw, cocking his hip. 

He probably thought his stupid pose looked sexy. All Mew Mew noticed was that his chainsaw was also pink, just like hers. 

Stupid little floozy, stealing my color!!

“The only thing you’re going to be under is my blade!!” she snarled, pointing her chainsaw straight at him. 

Hmm. That was an okay threat, but it was missing some oomph. Mettaton wasn’t screaming or crying or throwing up.

“Oh my.” His mouth formed an o. “I’m screaming, crying, throwing up, etc. etc.”

“SHUT UP!!” 

She revved her chainsaw and charged across the bridge towards him. He’d be throwing up blood by the time she was done!!!

…Dang it, that was a better one. She should’ve said it out loud.

Mettaton twirled his own monogrammed chainsaw, blocking her strike. The instant the chains ground against each other, a familiar beat began to play.

She almost dropped her weapon. That song—that was—!

“How DARE you steal Blooky’s battle music!?” she shouted over the clashing sounds.

Mettaton had the gall to laugh.

“Of course you didn’t listen to my acknowledgments. They’re performing a brand new remix I commissioned.” He smirked, shoving her back, and nodded towards a soundbooth above the stage.

Sure enough, Napstablook wore their headphones while spinning a record. Something in Mew Mew’s chest tightened.

“They hate fighting,” she snapped before hacking with her chainsaw again. Sparks flew, fizzling as they hit the soda below. “You’re a real jerk for making them watch this. A JERK!!”

Shock flashed across Mettaton’s face. It gave her an opening to dig her blade into his shoulder panel.

“Nngh—well, let’s make this short and sweet, then!” Mettaton shouted, ripping his shoulder out of her chainsaw’s teeth with a screech.

The momentum tugged her forward, almost to the edge of the bridge. Whatever!! She wasn’t afraid of blood or soda!!! Mettaton wouldn’t have set up the stage like this if it was really dangerous, anyway.

“P-please don’t break anything I can’t fix…” Alphys’s mutter carried up to the stage through a pause in the beat.

Mettaton came back at her with a spinning strike that she could see coming a mile away. Was he even trying to win? Or was he too busy showing off?

The crowd went wild for it. Their cheers didn’t stop her from blocking and counter-attacking at his exposed middle. Glass cracked, spraying fluid everywhere.

“METTATON!” Papyrus cried.

Mettaton bit his lip, moaning dramatically as he toppled backwards. Right towards the edge of the bridge. His chainsaw slipped from his fingers, toppling into the soda below.

Of course, he didn’t have the decency to fall off with it. That would’ve been too easy. Instead, he cleared his throat, and Napstablook’s upbeat music changed to something slow and emotional.

“Oh my heart,” Mettaton warbled in what he probably thought was a low and sexy tone. “It breaks indeed / How could you / Do such a deed.”

“You can’t rhyme ‘indeed’ and ‘deed.’ That’s stupid,” Mew Mew deadpanned.

Mettaton glared, but was too busy singing to argue.

“If you must / Defeat me so / There’s one thing / That you should know.”

“What, that you’re too much of a coward to get up and lose already?” Mew Mew rolled her eyes. 

She could’ve just stabbed him again, but she had to admit she was a little curious. If only because he was giving her more material to mock him with.

With a trembling hand, Mettaton stretched up towards the soundbooth. The music swelled in time with his voice.

“Dearest Blooks / Please forgive me / For I am / Your long lost family.”

Mew Mew froze.

What.

What.

WHAT.

“Your mouth is going to catch flies, darling,” Mettaton said quietly. Nervously. “I wouldn’t want to win only because you choked.”

She was doing more than choking. She was… her stupid eyesockets were watering. Why did they even have that feature!? 

“You… you IDIOT!!” 

She stabbed her chainsaw into the wood next to him. The teeth kept spinning, shredding the planks to mulch. Mettaton flinched as tiny splinters battered his face.

“No. NO!! I refuse to believe you recognized me when I didn’t—when you were—”

When he was here all along.

Her cousin. Her stupid, stupid cousin.

“I saw your body before you possessed it. In Alphys’s lab,” he explained softly. “Considering my own circumstances… it wasn’t difficult to put two and two together.”

“Oh, so now I’M stupid because I didn’t, HUH??” she snarled, looming over him. 

Her tears mingled with the fluid leaking from his middle. That didn’t actually… hurt him, did it?

“That’s not what I said, darling.” He looked away. 

His own eyes were wet, but it was probably just—stage crying. Or whatever. Even if none of the cameras were close enough to catch the glistening trails running down his cheeks.

“I’m the fool, for hoping that we could be a family again,” he murmured.

He looked so pathetic, she could throw up. How dare he? How dare he come back into her life after she’d used his selfishness as an excuse for her own?

She screamed. Then she kicked him. 

It should’ve made her feel better—her having a body to kick with, him having a body to be kicked—and it probably would have, if the stupid weakened bridge hadn’t decided to crack.

“COUSIN!” she shouted.

She lunged, grabbing the end of his shoulderpad as he fell. His boots dangled inches above the red soda, but he looked as relieved as if he were already standing on solid ground.

“Mew Mew…?” he smiled tentatively.

“What. What. WHAT??” she snapped. “Alphys doesn’t have time to waste de-rusting you, that’s all!!”

“Of course.” Mettaton chuckled.

She yanked him back onto what remained of the bridge. The thud was extra loud without any background music muffling it.

No background music. Then—was Blooky—?

“Mettaton… Mew Mew…” Napstablook phased into view in front of them. Milky tears welled in their eyes.

Mew Mew flinched. Had Mettaton thought twice about outing her with this theatrical performance? Sure, maybe he was ready to crush Blooky’s soul, but that didn’t mean she was.

“He ran away first!" she pointed at Mettaton.

"Yes. I did," he murmured from the floor. 

"Don't even try to—wait, you're admitting it?" She gaped.

"Of course. I wouldn't have put on this show if I planned to close the curtains early." He pushed himself to his knees, looking up at Napstablook. "I understand if you can't forgive me—"

"Mettaton…" they interrupted, tears still plinking against the wood. Mew Mew backed up a step to avoid the ghostly bullets. "Um… I don’t know what to say…”

“Anything. Or nothing. Whatever you like, Blooky,” he quickly said.

“Oh… that’s a lot of options…” Napstablook shrunk a little. “I could… pretend to be surprised… would that make you feel better…?”

“P-pretend?” Mettaton stammered. "You knew? For—for how long?"

"Oh… I'm not sure… um… episode three…?"

"Three?" Mettaton's jaw dropped.

"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Mew Mew lashed her tail. "Did you know about ME??"

"Oh… should I pretend I didn't…?" Blooky blushed. "Your bodies are both very creative… very… um… not-ghostly… so I'm sure no one else noticed…" Blooky waved a stumpy arm towards the crowd. "I mean… they're all very surprised… aren't they?"

Mew Mew squinted at the audience. Through the stage lights, she saw humans and monsters alike sniffling and tearing up. A roar of applause followed now that Napstablook had given them an opening.

"WAY TO GO, METTATON! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!!" 

Maybe Mew Mew still wasn't squinting enough. That looked like Sans, but the voice was definitely his louder brother.

"I… oh, Blooky." Mettaton laughed, wiping his eyes. "You truly are made for the stage. I couldn't have written a better plot twist if I'd tried!"

"Heh heh…" Napstablook smiled.

Mew Mew gritted her teeth. Maybe it would look like a smile from a distance.

"So you're not mad he ran away and LEFT us??" she demanded.

He’d left. She’d left. They’d been all alone. They should hate her—him. They should hate him.

"Oh… I guess I was…"

Mettaton flinched. Mew Mew was way stronger, and stood perfectly still.

"But… we're all here now… that's pretty good."

Her hands trembled. She wished she was still carrying her chainsaw, to have something to hold onto. At some point it had chewed its way through the cracked platform and plunked into the Gamerblood™ pool.

"But—but…" Her protest was weak. 

Why was she still arguing? Blooky was happy. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it? If they didn’t hate Mettaton, then they couldn’t hate her.

(Right? Right? Right?)

"It's alright, Mew Mew. You don't have to forgive me." Mettaton smiled sadly.

It wasn't that she didn't forgive him. It was just—she didn't know! She hadn't known this narcissistic tin can was her previously-depressed cousin! She hadn’t known he was alive!

He was alive. Her cousin was alive. 

"I don't have to do anything!" she crossed her arms, blinking tears from her eyes. "But I'm not a coward like you!! I won't tear this family apart again!!!”

The audience cheered at her declaration. It felt… nice. Way cool. Awesome. Groovy, even.

She smiled. Maybe this wasn't Mettaton's worst idea ever.

Still, it wasn't as nice as seeing Napstablook smile back at her, knowing exactly who she was. 

Chapter Text

So much was happening.

Alphys still wasn’t used to having this many people in the lab—Undyne and Mettaton and Napstablook and Sans and Papyrus and Toriel and Asgore and Flowey and Frisk-and-Chara. 

And Mew Mew. Spinning a knife, just like she had the day this whole mess started. Alphys would’ve kicked her out, but Mettaton wanted her here for “moral support,” though Alphys suspected what he really meant was “to watch me show off heroically while testing the machine.” Either way, Mew Mew’s circuits weren’t spilling all over Alphys’s workbench this time, so that was a win, probably.

“Hey, watch it with that,” Undyne said to Mew Mew, blocking the fumbled knife with a summoned spear. “I like knives as much as the next girl, but Alphys has lab safety rules for a reason, yeah?”

Alphys snorted at that. Seeing Undyne stick up for lab safety was as crazy as… well, as everything else they were attempting today.

Alphys tore her attention away from the two of them, tuning out Mew Mew’s cranky protests and returning to quadruple-check the diagnostics on the transfer machine. All the power readings looked normal, but it would be difficult to tell for sure until she tested it. 

She sighed. There was no use putting it off any longer. There was just one more thing to do, first.

Head down, she shuffled over to the storage closet, where her other hopefully-helpful project hovered in the shadows. Its yellow glow turned her scales luminous as she cradled it in her claws.

Determination, she shuddered. She’d sworn never to touch the stuff again, but—with all the risks she was already taking—this was actually a safety measure. A, a failsafe. Like the locket Chara had shared with Papyrus.

“F-frisk?” she called, not wanting to spook any of the other monsters by bringing her creation out into the open. They probably wouldn’t have any clue what it was, but they might ask questions, and she really didn’t want to answer any of them.

Frisk extracted themself from a conversation with Flowey and Toriel and skipped over to her.

“Need help with something?” they signed curiously. Their head poked around Alphys’s back. 

Yeah, she was no good at hiding things. 

Especially not when ‘things’ were an artificial SAVE point replica.

Frisk’s brow furrowed. 

“You know what that is.” They signed. It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t an accusation, either. “Why do you have one?”

“I, um.” Alphys swallowed. “You said you can save and load, but it’s not—not an exact science, right? Like it was Underground. Um.” 

Frisk nodded. They didn’t look upset, which—made sense! She hadn’t done anything upsetting, really! She was just—nervous, because she always was. But Lemon Bread had taken a look at the SAVE point, since she was one of the only ones who knew what they looked like, on account of, well, Amalgamate weirdness. And she said it looked and felt right. So. It was fine!

“This—this should help you. Control it better? Just, in case you need to—today, if anything—not that it will go wrong! But! Ehehehe…heh…” she trailed off, wanting to shove herself in the closet and not come out.

“How did you do it?” Frisk signed, head tilted.

“How—? Um! It w-was nothing, I just—it only took a tiny bit of Determination, and Lemon Bread was happy to donate that, and then it was just applied to a catalyst made of ectoplasm with a copper-enamel stabilizing core… n-none of which makes sense to you, probably, sorry! Let’s. Just—do you want to use it? Does it… feel right, to you?”

Alphys stepped aside, giving Frisk full view of the SAVE point. She glanced over her shoulder, but everyone else looked occupied enough, in their own pockets of conversation that blended from excited to nervous to bored. Right, she was taking too long, and she’d already taken long enough and she should’ve had Frisk-and-Chara come earlier than everyone else, but with ride arrangements that wasn’t really practical. 

(Stupid cars. They looked cool in anime, but steam vents and precarious bridges were way more convenient.)

The SAVE point hovered of its own accord. Frisk paced a circle around the twinkling light, inspecting it with squinted eyes. Then they reached out to touch it with one finger.

“Alphys’s commitment to your safety fills you with determination,” Chara spoke aloud.

Alphys bit her lip, hiding a snicker. Chara wasn’t so intimidating anymore, now that they and Frisk had talked to her more openly. They were just as silly as Frisk—maybe more silly? It was hard to tell, with them sharing the same actions, more or less.

Well, that would end today. Hopefully. Probably. Urk, her stomach was churning with nerves again.

“Where’d you get that?” Flowey asked, rolling up on the scooter Alphys had lent him. It was really just a four-wheeled board that she used for sliding under big machines when making repairs, but it was easy enough for him to propel himself on it with his vines.

He shouldn’t need it for very long, anyway.

“Alphys built it,” Frisk signed. “So if anything goes wrong, we can come back here.”

“You can do that?” Flowey gaped at Alphys.

“W-well… in theory… but we shouldn’t have to test it, r-right?” She forced a grin and hid the SAVE point back in the closet, for now. She’d need it again later. “Um. Let’s get s-started!”

“Hey, you all heard the doctor!” Flowey shouted, making his voice unnaturally loud, and uncannily like Toriel’s. Alphys guessed he thought it would sound more authoritative? It certainly made Asgore jump. “Get in your places! We’ve got work to do!”

“Bossy,” Frisk signed, sticking out their tongue.

“Whatever. You wanna set Chara free or not?”

Alphys took her position at the machine’s controls. Papyrus pretended to bite his nails as Mettaton stepped into the right-hand chamber of the mechanism. The left-hand chamber contained another nearly-identical robot, but one that didn’t currently host a ghost. Alphys had built that one as an upgrade for Mettaton. Typically, she would’ve installed those upgrades piecewise into his current body over the course of a few weeks. If this transfer process worked, though, it would save them both some time.

And, it would save Sans and Papyrus, and Chara and Flowey! It was a win-win! Er, a win-win-win-win…? Whatever, it was good!

“Alright, darlings.” Mettaton’s voice was muffled by the glass door sliding shut. He cycled through a slew of dramatic poses, though their complexity was limited by the narrow diameter of the chamber. “How would you like me?”

“P-please just, s-stand still…” Alphys sighed. 

“Hold that pose! You got it, Alphys-darling!” Mettaton froze with his leg in the air, his arms holding his foot in place.

That was fine. It didn’t really matter how he stood, so long as he didn’t stress the already delicate transfer with unnecessary movement.

“Um, a-alright.” Alphys’s claws trembled as she gripped the lever. “H-here goes…!”

She pulled the lever—

And a knife, twirled by a certain careless catgirl, flew through the air at just the right angle to jam it.

“NO!!!!” Mew Mew screamed.

At first Alphys thought she’d thrown the knife on purpose, and that that scream was an objection to Mettaton going through with the consciousness-transfer. But from the terrified sheen in her wide eyes, Alphys guessed it was just another accident after all.

“METTATON!” Papyrus ran to press his face to the glass as quickly as Sans’s little legs would take him.

“Golly… that isn’t supposed to happen, is it…?” Asgore asked.

Alphys’s soul ran cold. It didn’t matter if it was a careless mistake or not. The silver knife was sparking, smoke pouring from where it had cracked the console. 

Inside the chamber, Mettaton was completely frozen.

“M-mettaton…?” Alphys stammered as their friends looked on in shock.

“AH… WE ARE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, DARLING,” Mettaton replied.

From the speakers surrounding Alphys’s lab.

XXX

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOYFRIEND???” Papyrus grabbed Mew Mew’s shirt collar with blue magic. He wasn’t typically prone to anger this easily—but! He was justified in his temper running short! Considering he was short, and considering what Mew Mew had just done with her improper knife safety!

“Oh… oh no…” Napstablook began to cry. Papyrus didn’t know if it was because of the violence, or if they were already mourning their cousin.

“PLEASE, DARLING. I AM… MOSTLY ALRIGHT,” Mettaton answered through the lab’s speakers. “I SEEM TO HAVE FUSED WITH THE MACHINE ITSELF. WHAT A FASCINATING PLOT TWIST, HA HA! HA.”

“Can he not get out?” Undyne asked, squinting up at the ceiling. “Wasn’t that the point of picking a ghost for this?”

“WELL. WELLY WELL WELL. I DON’T SUPPOSE ALPHYS’S CALCULATIONS ACCOUNTED FOR, AH, MALICIOUS INTERFERENCE.”

“I didn’t mean to!!!” Mew Mew insisted. “I’ll never throw a knife again!!! Or at least not for a whole week!!!!!!”

Ugh, was she taking this seriously at all??? Papyrus knew ghosts had a different concept of mortality than most monsters, but he really didn’t want his boyfriend to be stuck inhabiting one room for the rest of his life!!!

“I—I can still fix this—” Alphys extracted the knife with a pair of rubber-ended tongs. “Where’s my blowtorch—?”

“Frisk… Chara…?” Flowey asked in a mumble. Papyrus barely heard him under his own panic.

Of course the children would be upset too. Even if Mettaton’s ghostly consciousness could still be moved, and even the machine could be fixed or rebuilt, that was more time until they could be placed in their ideal bodies.

It was more time until Papyrus could regain his original form.

But Frisk didn’t look upset. They looked to their mother, who still looked lost around all the malfunctioning technology. They looked to Sans, in Papyrus’s body, who had gone stone-still. 

Then they patted the top of Flowey’s petals and closed their eyes.

XXX

“Alphys’s commitment to your safety fills you with determination,” Chara repeated.

Alphys bit her lip, failing to hide a snicker.

“Lab safety is no laughing matter.” Chara pulled the key-shaped pendant out from under their sweater. Frisk relinquished control of their body for, hopefully, the last time.

Azzy rolled up to them as they left Alphys staring.

“You’re not gonna tell her her trick worked?” Azzy asked them in a whisper.

“Nah. No point in freaking her out when we’ve got it under control. So keep your big mouth shut too, okay?”

“Sheesh, and you called me bossy…”

Chara left him next to Uncle Papyrus.

They had some knives to confiscate.

XXX

“Flawless work as always, Alphys-darling!” Mettaton bowed from his new body when the machine’s lights faded.

“O-oh, that’s a relief.” Alphys gave a wobbly grin, wiping sweat from her forehead. “Then, uh—wh-who wants to go next?”

Sans looked to his brother. Naturally, he was chomping at the bit to get out of Sans’s “orb-like” body. 

“Whaddaya say, bro?” Sans nodded towards the machine casually, as if he didn’t notice Papyrus practically vibrating out of his tye-dye shorts. “Ready to take the ‘little’ out of little brother?”

“OH, YOU PHONED THAT ONE IN.” Papyrus rolled his eyelights. “BUT I WILL FORGIVE YOUR HORRIBLE WORDPLAY FOR THE TIME BEING! WE HAVE MORE PRESSING MATTERS AT HAND!!”

“Like pressing the button that makes you the handsome brother again?”

“HAVEN’T YOU BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION? IT’S A LEVER, NOT A BUTTON!” Papyrus dragged Sans towards one side of the machine, then took Mettaton’s place on the other.

“Knock ‘em dead, beautiful.” Mettaton winked at him.

“I THINK I’D RATHER KNOCK US ALIVE, IF IT’S ALL THE SAME TO YOU!”

Sans stifled a chuckle. It was hard to tell if Papyrus meant that joke to be dirty or not. Probably not, considering there were kids in the room, but it was hard to tell with him. He was good at the whole ‘plausible deniability’ thing.

Sans stepped into the chamber, turning to watch the glass door as it closed. Papyrus’s reflection stared back at him. He’d almost gotten used to it.

Now, he’d just have to get used to being his regular old slime-emitting self again.

“Welp. It’s been fun.” He winked at himself.

Alphys threw the lever. 

Credit where credit was due, the transfer felt exactly like taking a shortcut. Guess there was a science to it after all.

He opened his eyesockets, and found himself less than eye level with Frisk. If that hadn’t convinced him things were back to normal, Papyrus’s victorious “NYEH HEH HEH!” would have.

“Is everything fine? Do you feel okay?” Frisk signed rapidly.

“I feel like taking a nap.” Sans smiled lazily, popping his back.

Toriel stepped up behind Frisk, placing a paw on their shoulder.

“I would say he is perfect, then.” She smiled back.

And with her smiling at him like that, he could honestly say:

“Yeah. I am.”

XXX

Flowey was up next. Unlike the rest of these losers, he wasn’t scared. He knew for sure that Chara and Frisk could bail him out if any wayward knives or other malfunctions messed him up.

His mom still insisted on rolling him into the transfer chamber herself.

“Be careful, alright?” she said, as if he had any control over the process that was about to happen.

“You worry too much,” he waved a vine dismissively.

“That is my job, is it not?” Her smile was a little sad.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna miss me looking like this.”

“Missing… is not the emotion I would describe this as.” She brushed his petals tenderly with the pad of her thumb. “I have simply never gotten to experience the bittersweet feeling of watching a child grow up. I find myself at a loss.”

Flowey snorted. This was one of the few times she hadn’t lost, and she was still getting worked up about it? What sense did that make?

“You’ll be fine,” he told her. “You always are.”

No matter how sad or pathetic she was for stretches of time, she always pulled herself back up. Compared to all that, watching Flowey put on a new body should be nothing.

Toriel sniffed, but her smile grew a little more genuine.

“You still have your father’s way with words.”

Asgore was hovering a few paces behind her, not daring to join her in the confined space of the glass cylinder, nor able to completely stay away. He gave Flowey a big smile and a thumbs-up when they made eye contact.

“Okay, Mom. That’s enough smothering.” Flowey pulled back, shaking out his petals. “Save it for when I can actually hug you back.”

“Of course, dear.”

She still gave him one more kiss on the forehead before taking a step back.

The door slid shut, separating them. Just for a moment. Even if the way the lights pulsed made it seem like a more permanent Barrier—

Everything shifted. A lurch to the left. A sensation of fingers and toes and horns and ears. Fur and clothes and joints and wires and being and smells (flowers couldn’t smell, dummy) (flowers couldn't stand either and now he was standing on two legs and not anchored to the earth and what if he fell the second he tried to move, how stupid would that look)—

“FLOWEY? ER, FUZZY?” Papyrus joked.

“Azzy?” Chara asked. “You’re alright, right?”

The automaton’s eyes—his eyes—were shut. Why was he scared to open them now? The hard part was already over with.

Maybe… he was just afraid of how everyone would look at him, now. Now that he was ‘fuzzy’ instead of prickly and thorny, would they expect him to act different? Better?

There still wasn’t a Soul inside him. Only the mechanical whirring of processors and fans.

(Why had he hoped for anything different? He’d known it was impossible.)

“C’mon, kid. You’re freaking your mom out,” Sans said.

Flowey—Asriel—whoever-he-was opened his eyes, if only to glare at the skeleton.

“I’m fine. Geez. Could you give a guy two seconds to get used to being a cyborg?”

At least his voice worked. And it was deep, and loud, and cool. He almost sounded like his dad.

“‘Cyborg’ isn’t r-really the right word. That would require you to have organic components—well, um, unless you count Asgore’s fur as organic, but, that’s not self-sustaining, so…” Alphys said, as if he cared.

“Your fur?” Mom whirled on him, and he chuckled sheepishly.

“I-it was really useful,” Alphys defended him. “Faux fur can get r-really expensive.”

Flowey—that’s what he’d go with, until he came up with a better name (which could be never, knowing him)—rubbed the fur of his lower arms. 

Huh. He could feel it. It was soft as Dad always was.

It felt like home.

He wanted to look for a mirror, but more than that, he wanted to look for his siblings. Where were they? Why weren’t they rushing in front of Mom and Dad, telling him how awesome he looked?

…Oh. Because they were still stealing Aunt Mew Mew’s knives and giving them to Undyne for safe-keeping. As soon as they finished extracting one from under Mew Mew’s puffy sleeve, they turned to run and tackle Flowey.

“Hee hee—golly, that’s weird…!”

He almost thought he felt something, deep inside his wires or circuits or whatever, as he hugged them back.

XXX

“Last round.” Alphys wiped her sweaty brow. “We’re almost there, guys! Let me just make sure nothing’s overheated before we run the machine again…”

Safety first. Frisk appreciated that—especially since this run would be the most dangerous of them all.

“One more?” Mom blinked. “Then—Chara’s vessel is finished?”

“Surprise!” Alphys either did jazz hands, or she was just so nervous her hands shook that much when she raised them. It was hard to tell.

“Like I would’ve gone ahead without them,” Flowey snorted, crossing his arms.

“You never told me you had decided on your appearance.” Mom frowned down at them slightly. 

“They wanted that to be a surprise, too,” Frisk signed.

“I see…” Mom looked wary. Maybe she thought Chara had snuck lasers or sword-arms past her scrutiny, even though Alphys knew better than to build them a body with any dangerous attachments. 

“I am sure it will be a happy surprise,” Dad said. He always had been more trusting than Mom.

“Did they tell you—?” Mom asked him, practically pouting at the thought of being left out.

He shook his head.

“Nope. Oh, but it looks like Papyrus and Undyne are about to show us.” His head turned towards the left side of the machine, where they were carrying out Chara’s body.

Mom squinted. Looked between it, and Flowey, and back again.

“Double surprise.” Flowey grinned. “Hope you wanted twins.”

Chara’s body was identical to Flowey’s in nearly every way. Both of them were tall, standing at nearly Papyrus’s height, though Frisk would be surprised if they didn’t end up arguing over who was taller. They both had curled horns and floppy ears that hung in front of the dark markings on their cheeks. The main difference was that Flowey’s eyes were pitch black, Chara’s—once they were open—would be a deep soul-red. 

Papyrus clasped the necklace he’d borrowed around the robot’s neck. The locket hung over the black Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2 t-shirt Chara had picked out at Hot Topic.

They were filled with determination.

You’re ready, then? Frisk asked inside their headspace.

As ready as I can be. 

Frisk felt Chara’s nervousness churning in their stomach. 

We can SAVE first, Frisk told them. We saw where Alphys put the SAVE point, and we have some time before she’ll be ready with the machine again.

I don’t think our family will take their eyes off us long enough for that.

Frisk snorted. Chara could have a little more confidence in them. They were the master of sneaking.

Fine, you could, but you’ll give them all heart attacks, Chara corrected. Whatever the monster version of a heart attack is, anyway. Besides, even if we SAVE, I doubt we’ll be able to go back.

That’s what Alphys had said, too. Frisk wasn’t so sure. No one had ever tried, right?

But if it wouldn’t stop Chara from worrying, Frisk wouldn’t bother. If they ran into problems and still had the ability to LOAD after Chara’s transition, then they could go back to the SAVE point from earlier today. It wouldn’t lose them enough time to really matter.

It might give Flowey a shock to be a flower again, though, if he could still remember resets.

Ugh, fine. Just make it quick, Chara said. 

Frisk waved Blooky over, then asked them how the snails at the resort were doing. That conversation quickly pulled in Mom and Dad, leaving an easy route to escape. 

Flowey followed them, of course. But they whispered what they were doing, and he broke off to distract Aunt Mew Mew and Mettaton with questions about their robotic bodies. Papyrus and Undyne were helping Alphys with the last few quality checks she had to run, which only left—

Sans. It was a little weird remembering that he was himself now, and not Papyrus wearing his bones.

“Heya, kiddo.” He grinned, pointing to a blank wall at the opposite end of the lab. “Bathroom’s that way.”

“I know,” Frisk signed. “Alphys left us something in the closet.”

Though Chara protested, Frisk didn’t figure it mattered if Sans saw. He’d understand. He didn’t remember resets—he didn’t have the determination for that—but he knew more of the science than anyone but Alphys.

He shrugged and stepped aside. They opened the door and squinted against the light.

Sans’s apathy fills you with determination, Chara said.

Frisk rolled their eyes. That reminded them, though—they had something to tell their Dunkle.

They closed the closet door behind them and tapped Sans’s shoulder.

“Huh? Did Al leave me something, too?”

Frisk smiled and shook their head.

“We just wanted to say thanks,” they signed.

“Hey, it’s nothing. I never was any good at guarding doors.” He winked.

“Thanks for the whole…” Their fingers wiggled as they tried to figure out how to sign it, “Body-switching-thing.”

“Uh, sorry. Didn’t quite catch that.”

Frisk huffed, shaking their head again. Their hair was getting too long; it thwapped them in the eyes. Chara would never have to worry about that.

My ears might thwap me in the face, they pointed out.

Frisk hoped so. That would be funny.

“Chara and Flowey wouldn’t have gotten new bodies this fast if you hadn’t switched places with Papyrus,” they signed more slowly. “So. Thank you.”

“Oh. Heh.” He shoved his hands in his pockets; at some point he’d changed back into his regular baggy gym shorts. “Really, that was nothin’. But, uh, if you’re gonna glare at me like that… you’re welcome, I guess.”

Frisk stopped glaring and flung their arms around him.

“Oof—don’t forget, I don’t have my bro’s constitution anymore…”

But he patted their back, and they knew he wasn’t actually upset.

“Eheh, am I interrupting something…?” Alphys asked.

“Just telling Sans thanks for everything,” Frisk let him go and signed. “Thank you too, Aunt Alphys.”

“Aww, th-that’s sweet, but—d-don’t thank me yet, okay?” She cracked the closet door open, then tried to slip the SAVE point behind her back.

Alphys, unlike Frisk, was not a master of sneaking. Fortunately, Sans had no idea what the SAVE point was, and seemed to assume it was something she needed for the machine.

When Frisk asked what she was doing with it, she explained that it actually was something she needed for the machine.

“Chara… is a different case than the others,” Alphys said once they were safely hidden behind the center console, in between the two glass cylinders. She opened a circular hatch on the back of the machine, which led to a metal pipe that ran upwards and diverged into the two chambers. “We’re not just doing a transfer, here. We also have to make sure Frisk’s consciousness doesn’t transfer.”

Oh. Frisk hadn’t thought about that. Somehow, in their concern for their friends, they’d never considered they could be collateral damage.

Classic Frisk. I’m rolling my eyes, Chara said.

“This extra bit of determination, um, sh-should anchor you.” 

Alphys inserted the SAVE point into the hatch, and it floated up through the pipe, stopping when it reached the top of the rightmost chamber. The one opposite Chara’s new body.

“Frisk, you’ll need to hold onto that.” She squeezed their arm, looking them directly in the eyes. Alphys hated making eye contact. She must really want them to know she was serious. “Use your whole Soul. And Chara, um, d-don’t do that. Hopefully, um, that’ll work.”

“Hopefully?” Frisk signed.

Chara didn’t want to speak—they were doing their best to hold out fronting until they had their own body—but they clearly weren’t feeling reassured, either.

“I’m sorry.” Alphys sighed. “If there was any way I could test this, I would have. I thought at least one of the Amalgamates would want to b-be separated, but. They’ve gotten used to the way they are, I guess? Or they, um, just don’t trust me—wh-which I don’t blame them for, at all! Um. Anyway, I t-totally understand if you don’t want to do this anymore—”

“I do,” Frisk answered firmly. “Do you, Chara?”

…Why not? They sighed. I’m not the one at risk here. If we both end up in the mechanical body, our circumstances will be mostly unchanged, except we will look cooler.

Even if Frisk hadn’t felt Chara’s anxiety, they would’ve been able to tell they were nervous from their lack of contractions.

I’ll be fine, Frisk told them. I promise.

I am not certain that is up to you, Chara replied stiffly.

Before, they’d said that the universe bent to Frisk’s determination. Frisk had hoped Chara would be a little more confident in them, even if that determination wasn’t guaranteed to stick around.

Don't trust me, then, Frisk told them. Trust all of our friends who got us this far.

...Alright. I think I can do that much.

“Chara says they still want to do it, too,” Frisk signed.

“Okay. Alright. Okay.” Alphys nodded, taking a deep breath. “In that case, um, y-you know the drill by now…”

They did.

Try not to get too lonely without me, Chara joked to break the tension as they entered the machine.

Frisk smiled, waving at their family through the chamber’s glass. 

I don’t think either of us have to worry about that, they replied.

Then they lowered their arm and looked up, fixing their Soul on the SAVE point’s golden light. 

Alphys pulled the lever… and Frisk felt the machine’s pull on them. Urgent and sharp, it threatened to rip their mind from their body as easily as Frisk could rip off a band-aid.

But they knew what to do. The SAVE point glowed like a beacon, and they clung to it as desperately as Alphys had instructed. 

(And they refused.)

When the light finally faded, they felt wrung-out and empty. But they were still in their own body.

Chara?

No response. That was a good thing, but it was weird. It was hard to remember a time before their friend had been with them.

“CHARA!” Flowey shouted as soon as the sliding doors opened. He ran towards the opposite chamber, but tripped and landed on his face a few feet short. 

“Oh, darling, ‘break a leg’ is just an expression,” Mettaton told him helpfully. 

Frisk snickered, but got out of the machine to go help Flowey to his feet. Mom and Dad and everyone else hovered around, unable to decide whether to check on Frisk or Chara or the fallen Flowey first.

It turned out that they didn’t have to decide, because Chara stumbled out and flopped on top of both Flowey and Frisk.

“Charaaaaa!” Flowey whined. “You’re heavy!”

“It’s called having physical mass. Comes free with having a body.” Chara blew a raspberry in his ear.

“Your handiwork gets better and better, Alphys-darling.” Mettaton chuckled, then blew a raspberry of his own. “Thank you for updating my lingual dexterity too.”

“O-of course! Only the best for my family!” Alphys replied.

“AND OUR FAMILY IS THE BEST!” Papyrus agreed.

“HECK YEAH! Suplex of love and affection, NGAHHHH!!!!”

Papyrus and Undyne ended up in a pile next to Frisk and Chara and Flowey. Mettaton decided he didn’t want to be left out, and posed dramatically while lying over the top of them, until Mew Mew jumped on top of all three of them. 

Frisk was just glad they hadn’t all piled on them. Flowey had been right; Chara was heavy enough.

“Woah. That’s a lot of dogless dog piles,” Sans said, making Mom and Dad both laugh.

Frisk couldn’t sign any jokes of their own while sandwiched between the two mechanical Boss Monsters. They didn’t mind, though. Being able to feel both of their siblings, roughhouse with them, noogie and get noogied by them—

It filled them with an even better emotion than determination.