Chapter Text
Dear Qui-Gon,
I felt Shaak Ti die today. I do not know the circumstances, but I felt a sharp pain which has become so familiar to me; like the tearing of my soul. I do not mind the pain so much, it is the nothingness that follows which is the hardest to deal with, for I know that the beautiful space occupied by Shaak in the Force is now gone forever. I hope she has been able to find her way to wherever you are, Qui-Gon, I hope that her spirit and strength are still part of the galaxy somehow, and they were not truly lost.
I hope it was quick for her.
Yoda and I are the only members of the Jedi Council left now. I did not try and communicate with him today, for I know he would have felt her death even more keenly that I.
Was it clones that killed her? The same clones she supervised on Kamino? Shaak was a fair, just and insightful woman, and she gave opportunities to those who others would have discarded and dismissed. Have those men she instructed now turned against her, forgotten her kind and encouraging words, and repaid her tutelage with death? I sometimes think about Cody, so affably handing me my lightsaber on Utapau only minutes before trying to kill me.
Had they served the Emperor the whole time, feigning camaraderie with the Jedi until they received the signal to strike? Or perhaps they been programmed too well by their Kamino creators, following any order received from the Chancellor without question. Did they feel sorrow at our massacre – do they wonder if they should have made a different choice? I suppose I will never know, and yet I remember soldiers with heart and determination and loyalty, and I cannot believe their respect and friendship was a deliberate falsehood. Perhaps that is only what I want to believe.
Luke is growing well, and I find I seek him out in these dark moments. There is a comforting banality to the Lars’ home and their simple existence which could never be found within the Jedi Order. For the Lars couple, the goal of each and every day is simply to get to the next one – to ensure there is enough moisture harvested from the vaporators, to check the perimeter and ensure no Tuskens have breached the farm, to keep little Luke fed, clothed and alive.
And yet I am enjoying these simplicities, and Beru is trusting me more with Luke every day. When I first began visiting she would never leave the room, always watching how I held him, what I said to him, the toys I gave him. Now she happily goes about about her daily chores, checking on the droids, placing a comm call to her sister in Anchorhead. Beru is never still, as if she needs to keep active or the home will fall in around her. Even when I persuade her to sit and take tea with me, I see her watching the chrono as if going over her itinerary for the rest of the day in her mind.
I flatter myself that my assistance in looking after Luke has made her life somewhat easier – and console myself that my presence is all I can offer. I wish I had access to funds so I could assist the couple with their bills or improve security on the farm. I am concerned that Jabba the Hutt or one of his minions may come sniffing around the place if it is not properly secure. But I have spent most of the scant New Republic credits I had, and of course have no access to the new Imperial credits. It occurs to me that I should find some kind of employment when my funds inevitably run out, but that is a problem for another day.
Today’s problem was in the form of Owen Lars. He came home early from his toil up on the ridge, and there I was holding his nephew and enticing him to play with a small rattle. Owen shot me a distasteful look, but otherwise did not seem surprised to see me. Beru came back then, touching Owen’s arm lightly as if to calm him. He sat down at the table while Beru prepared his lunch and did not even look at me.
Beru did, when she sat down with her own plate. I realised that while I thought I had been so skillful and clever in evading Owen, he had known I was visiting the whole time. Of course Beru had told him, I realise now; she is not the kind of woman to keep such secrets from her husband. Somehow, she had convinced Owen to allow my presence, or at least pretend that he wasn’t aware of it. I appreciate her all the more - she is a true and fair ally and probably more than I deserve.
I happily turned my attention back to Luke, who was unusually quiet and still. I wonder if he felt my distress and grief, for he stared at me with bright blue eyes for some time. Then he put his little hand on my chin, and I do not know if it was Luke’s unconscious Force powers, or simply my instinctive reaction to an infant, but I felt my sorrows lift away.
The boy is well named, for he is indeed pure light. He shines so brightly that I am simultaneously filled with happiness and anxiety. I do not want the Emperor – or worse, Vader – to somehow feel his presence. I had thought the dampened Force of Tatooine may assist but Luke grows brighter every day. I know that soon I must talk to Owen and Beru about teaching Luke, if only to control and conceal his power, to keep him safe.
I could not save Anakin or my Jedi bretheran – I could not save Shaak Ti from meeting her terrible fate. But I can save Luke – I can protect his life and keep all harm from coming to him.
That is my life’s goal, and I intend to fulfill it.
Obi-Wan Kenobi