Chapter Text
Obi-Wan Kenobi sat next to baby Luke Skywalker in an inn in Bestine on Tatooine.
In reality, the baby should likely be with his uncle, his real family. But in the fight over Luke had been shining so brightly with the Force Obi-Wan had decided he couldn’t really stay with people who couldn’t protect him. And moreover, when they locked eyes it felt like a connection through the Force was formed in a moment, this wasn’t logical really generally bonds with the Force took time but no this had seemed instantaneous. He’d only heard of these instant bonds in stories of old Jedi.
The baby woke up and started to scream. Obi-Wan picked him up and started to walk in circles. He had nothing to care for a baby. He’d have to use the few credits he had and hope they were accepted.
Fear rushed through him, could he even care for a baby?
Obi-Wan had to take long breathes projecting some kind of calm into the Force. When baby Luke calmed slightly and Obi-Wan looked into his eyes he couldn’t imagine not seeing them every day. The thought of being away from Luke was physically painful.
Of course, this was a ridiculous thing to think. Exile was his plan only a few hours ago, alone, to pay for his mistakes. For not doing better, for letting Anakin, the Jedi and the republic fall. For Padmé dying and Palpatine destroying everything. Wanting to keep Luke was pure attachment. All about what he felt, not what was truly good for the galaxy.
But he also wondered if maybe this was what was meant to happen. Considering his first instinct had been to give Luke away, and his instincts were clearly terrible this second choice might be better. There was also the fact that if the empire came looking, he needed someone who could protect him and get him out of there quickly.
The worst thing he could imagine was Luke being taken away. The one good thing left in his universe was this kid, and there was no way that he would let the Emperor anywhere near him.
The baby finally cried himself out and Obi-Wan laid him down and sat roughly until he knew his decision was made. He was never letting Luke out of his sight till he died. It was ironic considering how many times he’d told Anakin to let things he loved pass out of his life. But again it’s not like his advice, his “Jedi wisdom” had done him or anyone else any good.
~~~~~
Obi-Wan had acquired the necessary things for a baby. Blankets, milk and diapers. And that was all the untraceable credits gone. Eventually, he’d found some people who allowed him to work for them fixing things, thank the Force Anakin had made him better with machines than the average Jedi. And he used that hard money to buy what he needed regularly like milk so Luke didn’t starve to death.
So four months in a rhythm had been established.
Obi-Wan was feeling a bit conflicted about letting people think Luke was his. But what else was he meant to say? Not that they talked to many people. They only talked to the people outside of town who let him fix things and the people they bought from.
And to them he was Ben and they never gave a last name which suited these people fine. He was just a guy with a baby trying not to starve to death, not that weird here. Obi-Wan did realise to keep this ruse up when Luke was young it would be easier to let him believe Obi-Wan was his dad. That way he would always call him dad. Which would make when he was a bit older telling him that no your dad is actually dead a lot harder. Luke would always know that his mother was dead, he’d never met her, Padmé would just be a story in his head.
Which then made him think of fatherhood, how Qui-Gon had been the closest thing he’d ever had. Obi-Wan hadn’t been good enough for Qui-Gon, he hadn’t been able to keep his promise, Qui-Gon’s dying wish.
Which made his thoughts move to how he’d responded to Anakin telling him something similar, he’d never considered himself Anakin's father he never felt mature enough for that. He was Anakin's big brother, Ori'vod as the Mandalorians said. Which made his mind fall to all his other Vod, the clones, the Jedi all of them and he almost collapsed into grief again the emotions strangling him from the inside.
He tried to redirect his mind to daily tasks but that was still hard because he dwelled on the hard things, one of which was sleeping.
Either he or Luke woke up screaming multiple times a night. Leaving both sleep-deprived. And of course, there was the ever crushing sadness and guilt, but it wasn’t as important. He could control his fear and grief, the only thing that mattered was Luke’s safety. He had a new task and he was always good at putting his own feelings aside when he had to do something.
He could not give in to despair
~~~~~
Obi-Wan bent over some pit droids fixing them up while luke sat on a portable cot making little baby noises playing with a piece of plastiod obi-wan and sanded to be safe for him to play with. Luke had tried to take anything with colour trying to keep his interest with anything was hard.
“Your baby could hurt themselves doing that.” A man said, shaking his head.
“Well, I'm not sure what you want from me?” Obi-Wan said gruffly, “We don’t have a lot”
“My husband thought you might like this.” He passed obi-wan what looked like a soft rubber ring with different textures imprinted on the material. “Our kid has too many. They can suck on it and when they start teething it will be a real lifesaver.”
“Thank you.” Obi-Wan nodded. He took it, ripping open the packaging, passing it to Luke who took it and waved it above his head, before letting it fall to his face. And giggled.
“Thank you,” Obi-Wan repeated.
“Good. I’ve seen you for a few days trying to keep your baby safe in this hell hole. So be careful.” The man gave a shrug and walked away.
Obi-Wan was slightly dumbfounded, but then he thought he was good to not be, he had to believe in kindness in light. Even in the darkest time.
~~~~~
Luke was six months the first time they had to run. Troopers, no imperial soldiers. They weren’t like his friends, his comrades, they were something else now. We're setting up a base right next to the town Obi-Wan worked in. He’d been walking with Luke in his arms when he’d been stopped by a stormtrooper and told to clear out while they built. The voice of his friends sounded out of the mouth of his enemy and kark it obi-wan had started to shake as he quickly ran the other way.
After catching his breath in a very undignified manner including tears running down his face he’d controlled his thoughts to get to the main run of transport landing. Sneaking on the transport without a ticket was amazingly easy. He had to hang in the standing area but he could stand as long as they were getting away.
A holonet message displayed to the ship showed Palpatine announcing, well announcing that something he really hadn’t himself to even imagine was possible Anakin, no Darth Vader was alive.
“Darth Vader shall finish removing the Jedi traitors from the galaxy,” The emperor said in a voice that carried the malice of someone named Sidious. Obi-Wan’s mind drifted for a moment, unable to process what was really happening.
The fear and confusion that flowed through the people around him made his thoughts even more confused. His hands shook so hard he worried he would hurt Luke as he held him tight.
Once he could he was reminded to double his efforts to not be seen. Anything that screamed Jedi from his movement, reflexes and definitely not fighting his way of fighting even without a lightsaber would be too clearly Jedi. It hurt now he was losing himself the same way he’d lost everything else.
~~~~~
It had been three months since he knew Darth Vader was alive. It made him even warier trying to feel for darkness in the force. The idea of Vader being the one doing the looking for him, and for force-sensitive younglings filled him with disgust and fear. Another thing to be afraid of was not what he needed.
They spent their time finding somewhere to stay either in an inn if they had the money and sometimes staying in an empty building was not the most dignified way of living but that’s what you get when you're on the run and everything you own has to fit in two bags.
He did work when he could, using the Force to get what he wanted when he couldn’t, and hiding away. He felt bad about what he felt like was abusing his connection to the force, but the other option was Luke starving or dying of exposure, so disrespecting his connection to the Force was what must be done.
They were only staying one place as long as there was a light empire presence and leaving when he felt danger coming. It was hard since the presence of the Sith had left the Force in darkness. And if he was being honest his own fear was twisting any disturbance in the Force that felt like a threat.
He knew this was no way to raise a baby. But possibly worse than being on the run was that he was raising Luke with his own infinite fear and sadness. Fear was a known path to the Darkside. He dealt with the fear of course he wasn’t perfect, but he hadn’t been ruled by it, not like this. But now he jumped at almost every noise and often found himself hiding with Luke when in actuality they didn’t need to.
He could try and make sense of it. He was on the run, and when he’d been running before on Mandalore he had been running on fear adrenaline then too. But this was worse.
His mind was still at war and he didn’t even have anyone here to give him confidence. Cody, Rex, Anakin, Ahsoka, Windu, Yoda, any other Jedi, nothing. It was him, his wits and a baby. So even the comfort that having someone and someplace to fall back on was gone. The bonds forged in the trials of the life of a Jedi or War were gone. Only the hardest parts of a life of battle.
Add on to the fear was Luke. Luke was more precious than anything. And that overwhelmed emotions Luke elicited in him made him feel so much it was hard to let it go, to control it. It was an attachment, it was fear, it wasn’t very Jedi. But his mind didn't have the energy to deal with all of this, because Luke was the light. Obi-Wan would just have to find a way to balance himself and protect Luke.
~~~~~
The first time Luke got sick, Obi-Wan lost his mind. They were staying in a refugee camp which at least meant crying a youngling didn’t make the two of them stand out. But it was all he could do to get Luke to keep something down enough he didn’t dehydrate.
“You're son is he okay?” A young Tholothian said.
Obi-Wan felt himself flinch as he put his hand between them and the baby.
“It’s okay.” She said, “I was a healer where I lived before the war destroyed it.”
“I don’t think there is much you can do,” Obi-Wan muttered.
“At least let me take a look. I’ll tell you if it’s worth taking him to a healer here. They might be overtaxed, but it’s better than nothing.”
Obi-Wan wondered if she meant it was worth it because he was sick enough to need it. Or worth it as in poor Luke dying. The thought of Luke dying hadn’t actually crossed his mind yet. He’d mostly been just trying to get the baby to sleep and drink something. But now that horrible thought overcame him and he felt himself nodding to let the healer look over luke. If Luke did die, Obi-Wan was pretty sure he’d just kill himself. Use the vibroblade he had attached to his bag and just slit his own throat. Kark, when had everything gotten suicide bad. Well, the moment you saw those younglings slaughtered his mind supplied as an answer.
“Well, I don't think he'll die.” She said with a soft smile, “He does feel a bit feverish. I would take him to the healer's tent though. They will have a rehydration solution which hopefully is all he needs for this to pass without long term damage.”
Nodding mutely he wrapped Luke in his arms and pushed through the crowd bringing the baby to the tent.
She took a pinprick blood sample which obi-wan hadn’t been expecting and the horrific idea of her taking an M-Count came over him but he pushed that thought away. No sense considering that now it was done.
“It’s nothing serious.” She said with a grimace, “We do have some re-hydrating solution for you that you can get him to drink. He needs to drink it and keep him cool if you can.”
“Thank you.” Obi-Wan fished for credit in his tunic pocket.
“No need. We are a charity organization. We have this too” She passed over a small stuffed tooka of some kind. “I assume you don’t have many toys.”
Obi-Wan half bowed his thanks, taking the bottles of purple liquid into his backpack and then carrying luke. Out of there. He thanked the Force he wasn’t going to lose Luke.
When they got back to their bunk Obi-Wan let tears fall down his face. He breathed easier now. Luke sniffed but grabbed at the Tookas paw in his small hand and shook it. Well, at least his Ad’ika had something soft.