Chapter Text
A few months after first meeting him, the Avengers had essentially collectively adopted Peter Parker. They managed to wheedle Tony into bringing him to the compound on weekends and all started training him and officially making him a part of the team. He’d go on runs with Sam, Steve, and Dodger, learn to cook with Wanda and Vision, build increasingly complicated cat trees for Alpine with Bucky, and get his ass beat in the training ring by Natasha. Clint and Scott both finished their house arrests and came by to visit and became similarly fond of the boy. Clint taught him the secrets of the vents, and Scott christened them and Natasha the ‘Bug Buddies.’
But suffice it to say, the Avengers all loved Peter. And this meant they were subject to all of the strays he brought back with him from patrols.
His first meeting with the Avengers was just the beginning. Not even two weeks later, he came home with a pregnant Australian Shepherd that gave birth to six puppies. Tony helped him find homes for the seven dogs, all of which were adopted by various workers and interns at SI. It only escalated from there, with Peter bringing back all sorts of the usual cats and dogs, but also birds, hamsters, rabbits, snakes, tarantulas, lizards, and on one memorable occasion, an entire horse. (“There’s a horse loose in the hospital!” “Peter, this is the compound. And what the fuck are you talking about? Where did you even get a horse?!”) Steve and Wanda always got excited at the cute ones, and Natasha was the only one with the confidence to hold some of the more dangerous animals he found. (“What? It’s just a snake.” “Don’t bring it near me Natasha DON’T BRING IT NEAR ME—!”) Bucky, Sam, and Vision were generally pretty neutral about it all. Tony always pretended to hate it whenever Peter brought another creature home but was secretly proud of him for being so kind, even to animals. He always ended up helping Peter find homes for them anyways, vetting any potential adopters to make sure they’d take care of their new pets. He even added a function in his suit so he could check for microchips. In a way, he was encouraging the bringing home of strays, but he’d rather Peter do it with permission than behind his back.
One day, Director Fury came by to check in on the Avengers to make sure the team was working together properly. Sitting down with them at the common room table, he said, “Honestly, I’m surprised you all haven’t tried to kill each other yet.”
“Oh no, we have,” said Bucky. “But Peter gets sad when we fight.”
“So does Dodger,” Steve added.
Fury raised an eyebrow. “So you’re telling me the one thing keeping you from another civil war is a teenager and a dog?”
“Well, there might be some sort of mutual trust and camaraderie in there, but yeah mostly Peter.” Tony said, not looking remotely ashamed by this fact.
Fury opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by the ding of the elevator. The doors slid open to reveal the human disaster that is Peter Parker. Fury had only met him a couple times during video calls with the Avengers, so this was his first time seeing him face-to-face.
“Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark!” He bounced into the room, cradling an orange and white tabby cat. “I found a cat!”
“Good lord, not again,” Tony groaned. “What did you name it this time?”
“I found him in an old chip box, you know, like the multi-packs with a bunch of different little bags of chips inside? So I named him Dorito!”
“Aww. Hi Dorito!” Wanda cooed.
Fury stared at the cat, finding it oddly familiar. The cat turned to make eye contact with him. He blinked slowly, trying to figure out why the cat didn’t seem quite right. It looked a lot like… “Oh fuck no.”
The Avengers whirled to stare at Fury, surprised by his outburst. “Is something the matter?” asked Steve, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“That,” Fury exclaimed, pointing at Dorito, “is not a fucking cat. Jesus fucking Christ, I did not sign up to deal with another one of those motherfuckers.”
“With all due respect Director Fury, are you okay?” Natasha looked genuinely concerned for his sanity.
He brushed her off and fixed her with a stern glare. “I am perfectly fine. I just mean that Dorito, or whatever his name is, is not a cat. That’s a flerken.”
“What the hell is a flerken?” asked Sam, incredulous. “Because that just looks like a regular cat to me.”
“Flerkens are an alien species. They look like cats, but their stomach is a pocket dimension, and they can sprout tentacles from their mouths.”
“Really? Woah, that’s so cool. You’re really special, aren’t you, Dorito?” exclaimed Peter, ignoring the disbelieving looks the Avengers were exchanging.
“Right. And how would you know this?” Tony asked, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes.
“Because I have one,” Fury answered simply.
Natasha blinked in surprise. “The cat that’s always in your office! Goose was his name, right?”
“Yes. Goose is a flerken.”
Tony coughed awkwardly to hide his laughter. “I’m sorry, but is no one else having a hard time believing this? Like I understand that you have your whole mysterious spy persona you’ve got going on, but do you really need that much of a story just to hide that you’re a crazy cat lady?”
Rolling his eyes, Fury walked over to the kitchen and rooted around in the fridge, ignoring the Avengers’ questions. Finding a package of chicken breasts, he opened it and pulled one out with the tips of his fingers. Walking back over to the table, he threw the chicken breast at Peter, who was still holding Dorito.
The flerken opened his mouth to reveal his many tentacles and snatched the chicken out of the air, pulling it in and swallowing it whole. He licked his lips once and mrowed softly, wiggling a bit in Peter’s arms.
“What the fuck,” said Bucky, breaking the thick silence that had washed over the group. “What the actual fuck.”
“I hate aliens,” Sam muttered lowly, at the same time as Steve, who mumbled, “Just when I think nothing can surprise me in this century.”
Wanda stared at the flerken in shock, squeezing Vision’s hand with hers. Natasha just raised a single eyebrow, seemingly unfazed by what she just saw.
“Peter,” said Tony, massaging his temples. “What the actual fuck did you bring into my compound?”
“Well I thought it was just a cat,” he responded sheepishly.
“I think you’d best keep that one,” Fury said, gesturing towards Dorito. “He seems to like you. And I know better than to separate a flerken from its owner, unless you want somebody to get eaten.”
Tony paled as Peter beamed brighter than the sun. “You hear that Dorito? I get to keep you!” the boy exclaimed, hugging the alien.
With a sigh, Tony thunked his head on the table. “What did I get myself into,” he muttered.