Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of Weibo hot topic, it was the epoch of fake news, it was the season of gay ships, it was the season of anti-fans, it was the spring of CP¹ culture, it was the winter of fujo-baiting. 

Shang Qinghua hears Beethoven’s Symphony No.5 ringing in his ears as he gapes at Zhuzhi-Lang, eyes widened in alarm. His phone falls from his hands, screen still on the PUBG rank game he’s halfway through. On a regular day, he would probably freak out about losing rank, but right now, there are other more pressing, life-altering emergencies at hand. He shoots up from the waiting room’s couch and grabs his assistant agitatedly. “What did you just say!?” 

“One of the actors pulled out from The Red Eye-Patch Ghost. The production crew found… Mobei-Jun to fill in for the role of Earth Master,” Zhuzhi-Lang repeats, slowly peeling himself away from Shang Qinghua, who looks seconds away from spontaneously combusting. 

“Mobei-Jun…” Shang Qinghua murmurs to himself weakly, face drained of colour. He collapses back on the sofa and shields his face with his forearms, looking every bit like a medieval convict awaiting his impending doom. “Zhuzhi-Lang, contact a mortician and order me a coffin. If I’m passing away, I am doing it on my own terms.”  

It is by an arbitrary twist of fate that Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun have become adversaries. In the three years that Shang Qinghua has been active in the industry, the rivalry between his and Mobei-Jun’s fans has shown no signs of stopping, their respective fan groups tearing at each other’s throats for as long as he can remember. 

What is the cause of their antagonism you might ask? 

Nothing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

Shang Qinghua has not even spoken more than six sentences to the guy. 

It is not Shang Qinghua’s fault that he and Mobei-Jun happen to be from the same management company, or that they both made their debut in the same year. It is not Shang Qinghua’s fault that they happen to be of similar age and are both in the acting field. It is by the credit of that unfortunate alignment of the stars that out of the blue, Mobei-Jun’s fans came to a wholly radical conclusion that the both of them are adversaries vying tooth and nail for the company’s resources and are rivals in the pursuit of stardom. 

Shang Qinghua wants to buy a loudhailer and scream to Mobei-Jun’s fans: Please wake up and open your eyes!!! Do you honestly believe there can be competition between Mobei-Jun and I?!?! 

First of all, let’s not even forget that the company has arranged for Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua two entirely different images — Mobei-Jun that of a talented icy Greek God, and Shang Qinghua a mediocre flower boy. 

Second of all, can their acting careers even be on the same level of comparison!? Mobei-Jun is a rising hotshot actor with a barrage of accolades and a fan count of millions; meanwhile, Shang Qinghua’s greatest achievement by far is that one time he played a dying soldier and the director told him: “Actually, you kind of look like you were about to take a nap instead of dying but it will do, I guess.” So what are his fans even worried about!? Do they really think Shang Qinghua is within the twenty foot-radius of being able to touch any of Mobei-Jun’s resources?  

Shang Qinghua is not an actor. He is simply a man executing the motion of acting, and a soggy piece of cardboard box could potentially be a better performer than he is. This is not coming from a place of inferiority complex or crippling self esteem. This is coming from a place of having eyes to witness his own performance. On the bright side, this also signals to Shang Qinghua that all his fans truly love him for who he is — after all, there is nothing else to admire about him but his face. 

But alas, deep in the trenches of Mobei-Jun’s fan group began a discourse of Shang Qinghua being the wicked villainess out to do harm to their knock-off Disney ice queen. That narrative grew and grew like a simulated penis, with various fans supplying their own theories about this fabricated competition until one day, their suppositions solidified into a hard, erect fact: Shang Qinghua was coming for their illustrious Mobei-Jun. 

And that marked the day of Shang Qinghua’s supervillain origin story. But instead of falling into a vat of chemicals or a tank of electric eels or a pool of radioactive waste, Shang Qinghua fell victim to the evil powers of internet rumours. 

If the both of them happen to wear a mildly similar-looking outfit in the same year, it must be Shang Qinghua copying Mobei-Jun’s style. If Shang Qinghua posts a mildly cryptic Weibo update, it must be him subtweeting Mobei-Jun. If both of them happen to be at the same event standing next to each other, it must be Shang Qinghua trying to gain clout by adhering himself to Mobei-Jun. If Shang Qinghua happens to look down while at said event, it must be because Shang Qinghua is attempting to hide his sneer of disgust. If Shang Qinghua blinks while Mobei-Jun is being interviewed, he is acting rude by closing his eyes in disinterest. If Shang Qinghua stops Professional Polite Smiling for two seconds, it must be him showing his disdain towards Mobei-Jun. If their shoulders accidentally brush whilst taking a photograph together, it must be Shang Qinghua violently jostling Mobei-Jun out of the way quarterback-style.  

After the torrent of hate comments Shang Qinghua received from those instances, ranging from “Shang Qinghua is such a jealous ass bitch” to “ugh, when is he going to be blacklisted”, he has come up with a straightforward plan: don’t be in the same vicinity as Mobei-Jun. He thought that would be the end of it but no, he has grossly underestimated the limits of a defensive fan group’s imagination. 

Earlier this year, Mobei-Jun had a minor sprain on his ankle whilst shooting an action film. Shang Qinghua thought he was safe from implication, being all the way at the other end of the country visiting a temple for blessings. When he saw the news erupt, he had quickly logged onto Weibo and uploaded the photos he had taken at the temple, emphasising his irrefutable alibi — if Shang Qinghua was a thousand miles away from Mobei-Jun then he can’t possibly be the cause of Mobei-Jun’s injury, right? WRONG! 

If Mobei-Jun had an accident on set, it must be Shang Qinghua practising voodoo at the temple cursing for the literal downfall of Mobei-Jun.

[ and evil takes form in Shang Qinghua. Don’t be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag. But in reality, he is so much more than that. ] 
[ my poor mbj falling to the evil crutches of SQH again *crying face* ] 
[ really, black magic? People these days are willing to do anything for fame ]  

Shang Qinghua gives up. Where is the surrender button? Even if Shang Qinghua flew to space to avoid any implications, fans would probably still think it’s Shang Qinghua’s fault for manipulating the constellations so it is against Mobei-Jun’s favour. 

So it is not dramatic that Shang Qinghua is curating the Spotify playlist for his funeral right now because if he does not seppuku himself within the next 24 hours, he’s sure Mobei-Jun’s rabid fans will. 

“Do you think I should Rickroll people at my funeral?” he asks Zhuzhi-Lang, who stands next to him with an empathetic expression on his face. 

“It will be fine, don’t worry about it,” Zhuzhi-Lang consoles, handing him a takeout bag. “Here, your zha jiang mian².” 

“No, it will not be fine!” Shang Qinghua retaliates. “We’re in the same set! Do you know what this means?!” 

“You’ll get plenty of chances to assault him?” 

“Ye— NO!” Shang Qinghua stares at his assistant disbelievingly. “I have nothing against the guy!” Shang Qinghua sighs despairingly as he uncovers the plastic lid and begins digging in like it’s his Last Supper. Where is Shang Qinghua’s Bradley Cooper to be the only person in a room of hundred who believes in him? 

Zhuzhi-Lang excuses himself shortly after to sort out some scheduling issues with the production team, and like a good millennial, Shang Qinghua props his phone against a plastic water bottle and begins scrolling Weibo in between mouthfuls of minced-pork noodles. 

The cyberworld appears relatively normal today, its population make-up unchanging from the norm — 60% positive vibes from his fans, 40% speculating what kind of demonic spell Shang Qinghua will cast on Mobei-Jun next. As Shang Qinghua scrolls through his messages, he notices a peculiar one sandwiched between the mix of hate comments: 

[ Ahhhhhh another day of manifesting the rise of Moshang!!! *heart eyes* *heart eyes* *heart eyes* Bless me with some dog food today guan yin ma³! ] 

Manifesting the rise of who? Is this a typo? Shang Qinghua wonders confoundedly as he clicks into the commenter’s profile, curious about the out-of-context comment they left. Before Shang Qinghua knows it, one thing leads to another and soon Shang Qinghua finds himself experiencing a cosmic spiritual awakening that has opened his third eye. 

Buried in the dirty apocalyptic wastelands of the internet is a sacred, pastoral space untainted by the evils of human darkness. It is the light of the last undying star, the last bag of Cheetos in the supermarket aisle, the last order of bubble tea at 10.59pm when the store closes at 11pm. 

As Shang Qinghua lands in a fan group named Moshang Nation, he knows he has found the lord and saviour leading him to the path of salvation. 

For the first time in forever, there’ll be music, there’ll be light. For the first time in forever, Shang Qinghua is not the evil stepmother jealous of Mobei-Jun’s snow white beauty. 

In this sanctified group, Shang Qinghua is not the despicable villain out to ruin Mobei-Jun’s life: 

If the both of them happen to wear a mildly similar-looking outfit in the same year, it must be a couple coordinate! If Shang Qinghua posts a mildly cryptic Weibo update, it must be him subtweeting a love note to Mobei-Jun. If both of them are at the same event standing next to each other, you bet there’ll be two hundred variations of pink hearts and dreamy bubbles edited around them. If Shang Qinghua happens to look down while at said event, it must be because Shang Qinghua is attempting to hide his blush from being so close to Mobei-Jun. If Shang Qinghua blinks while Mobei-Jun is being interviewed, he is so blinded by Mobei-Jun’s beauty that he cannot bear another look. If Shang Qinghua stops Professional Polite Smiling for two seconds, it must be him having a That’s So Raven moment visualising their prospective future together. If their shoulders accidentally brush whilst taking a photograph together, it must be them flirting, unable to hold their impassioned and overflowing love for each other even in public. 

[ SQH’s looking so cute in that denim shirt! ] 
[ If I could sell my firstborn in exchange for a signed Moshang poster, I would ] 
[ Moshang is love, Moshang is life ] 
[ The way MBJ LOOKS at SQH??!?!? I’m deCEASED!!!! Tell my mother I died from type II diabetes ] 
[ When is our venerable MBJ and SQH going to drop us peasants some dog food??? It’s been a week T____T  ] 

Pinned at the top of the group page is an impressive 128 pages-long PDF document detailing a FBI-worthy timeline of Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun’s appearances and interactions, alongside a collation of relevant links, photoshopped pictures, fanarts and AMVs. As Shang Qinghua watches the pink-filtered fancam of him and Mobei-Jun sitting stoically next to each other during an award ceremony, Shang Qinghua is convinced: 

Moshang is Rio!!!⁴ 

Look at the way their eyes sparkle like a thousand galaxies when they meet each other’s gazes! Look at how closely they are standing next to each other like they cannot bear to be apart! Look at how compatible they look in this photoshopped picture like they were born for each other! Look at how you can practically feel their fervent love radiating through the screen!

Moshang is Rio!!! Shang Qinghua chants to himself until he realises one very important detail — he makes up one-half of the aforementioned pair and he doesn’t remember being in an underground relationship with Mobei-Jun. Shang Qinghua mulls over this again for two seconds just to double-check. 

Nope, Error 404. File not Found. 

So Moshang is not Rio?!?! Shang Qinghua wails tragically to himself. Why do all good things come to an end so quickly?! He lights a candle for his Titanic ship before a wayward thought strikes him—doesn’t mean he cannot ship it still!

Moshang is Rio!!! Shang Qinghua cheers triumphantly and promises to himself that even if he were dead and nailed in the coffin, he would wrestle out of the ground and scream “Moshang is rio!!!!” with his dying breath. 

Unsurprisingly, Shang Qinghua falls deeper into the rabbit homo hole of no return. He promptly switches to his spam account and spends the next hour in the waiting room bingeing on the countless food found in the group. Soon enough, he lands on a rather popular AMV circulating in the community. The video features clips of him and Mobei-Jun in their respective acting projects, stitched together in a way that makes it seem like they’re in a Romeo and Juliet-esque tragedy. The usage of a monochrome filter coupled with the weepy soundtrack of Descendants of the Sun playing in the background makes for the perfect tear-jerking love story between two ill-fated star-crossed lovers. Shang Qinghua is impressed. The creator has somehow even managed to salvage his garbage-tier acting into a passable kindergarten-school-play standard with some clever trimming and effects. 

This is the first time Shang Qinghua has closely examined the work of his adversary and he cannot help but be in awe of how Mobei-Jun truly is the full package — god-defying good looks, impeccable acting and abs more sculpted than Michelangelo ever could. Shang Qinghua glances down at his own stomach flatter than Gong Jun’s singing. Is this why he doesn’t have tens of millions of fans? 

As Shang Qinghua glues himself to his phone screen, engrossed in the riveting tale conveyed in the AMV, he does not hear the door crack open or see a figure quietly standing behind his back. It takes him a few seconds to notice another presence in the room and when he does, he unwillingly tears his gaze from his phone screen and asks Zhuzhi-Lang, “What took you so long—” 

Shang Qinghua chokes on air when he sees a stone-faced man standing two feet away from him, staring quizzically at his phone that is currently displaying Mobei-Jun in one of his earlier TV dramas. The silence in the air is so thick Nicki Minaj’s plastic surgeon wishes they could replicate it. 

Clang! 

A loud rattle echoes in the suffocatingly awkward waiting room as Shang Qinghua, out of pure survival instincts, throws his phone into the rubbish bin underneath the dressing table. 

The air of awkwardness was not alleviated by that. 

“Haha… iPhones these days, am I right? The vibrations are so strong it… rattled… into… the… rubbish bin…” Shang Qinghua finishes lamely, eyes darting between his longtime adversary and his iPhone in the rubbish bin still dramatically singing iiiiiii love yoooooooooooooooou onlyyyyy youuuuuuu~  

He coughs and waves weakly. “Hi.” 

“Hello,” Mobei-Jun greets in return. 

Shang Qinghua scratches the back of his head and racks for something to say. “So… come here often?” 

Mobei-Jun stares at him expressionlessly. 

“You’re the Earth Master, right? We have many mutual scenes, we should practice our lines together some time haha…” Shang Qinghua continues feebly, wishing the coffin he had ordered would arrive in the next ten seconds.

“Okay,” Mobei-Jun answers curtly, making no effort to continue the conversation. 

Shang Qinghua forces a polite smile. 

…

…

…

Okay? Okay? OKAY, why isn’t he leaving the room!?!? Shang Qinghua screams to himself, finding himself an unwilling participant in an impromptu staring contest with Mobei-Jun, who is neither speaking or leaving the damn waiting room. 

So it is up to Shang Qinghua to carry the conversation? Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to carry the conversation! He wants to carry the weight of his shame and enter seclusion for the next 300 years forgetting this ever happened! Shang Qinghua cannot believe Mobei-Jun has witnessed him watching a fan-made video shipping himself and Mobei-Jun! What is Mobei-Jun going to think!? That Shang Qinghua is a narcissistic, delusional, degenerate fudanshi!?

Shang Qinghua wants to dissolve into a puddle and trickle into the Dead Sea so no one can perceive him. But after ten seconds of heavy silence, he comes to the grave realisation that he is not Aang and has not mastered the craft of waterbending. He resigns to his fate of being the one to fill in the silence between the both of them. Channeling the spirit of his inner Asian Mum, he asks, “... have you eaten?” 

To Shang Qinghua’s absolute dismay, Mobei-Jun does not take the social cue to respond to that blatantly perfunctory question with an equally perfunctory answer that would end the conversation so that they could both move on with their lives and Shang Qinghua can finish watching the AMV. Instead, Mobei-Jun disgustingly chooses to be honest and answer, “No.” 

“...” Shang Qinghua stares at him for a beat before gesticulating hesitantly at his cold, forgotten and half-eaten zha jiang mian. “Do you… want some?” 

Shang Qinghua highly expects Mobei-Jun to simply say no and walk off so Shang Qinghua can resume his peaceful villager life. But alas, he gapes in utter bewilderment when Mobei-Jun answers an affirmative and sits himself down next to Shang Qinghua. On a scale of zero to ten, Mobei-Jun’s social intelligence is negative five. 

Shang Qinghua uses the plastic lid of the takeaway container as a makeshift plate to scoop noodles on, while simultaneously pretending not to feel the air of awkwardness choking him so hard he’s about to call it a Popeyes biscuit. As he spoons up portions of sliced cucumbers and minced pork from the container, he asks, “Do you want me to add more?” 

“Is there anything else you would like to add?” Mobei-Jun throws the ball back at him. 

Shang Qinghua cannot be blamed for what happens next when he has spent the past hour of his life aggressively invested in the love story between him and Mobei-Jun, reading fanfictions of how the both of them met in a cafe after Shang Qinghua accidentally spilled coffee on him, or how Mobei-Jun is an Alpha that rescued a frail Omega Shang Qinghua while he was in heat. It is a WatchMojo’s 2021 Top 10 Anime Betrayals moment when his mouth decides to say, “How about your contact?” 

…

…

…

Oh God! Did he just try to flirt with his adversary using a lousy pick-up line!? Shang Qinghua screams in his head. Shang Qinghua does not do well with stress and this is what happens! Diamonds are made under pressure but Shang Qinghua is no coal! He is only a plebeian man who got sucked into the blackhole of Moshang fanfiction! He does not deserve this punishment! 

Silently observing Shang Qinghua, Mobei-Jun slowly fishes out his phone and shows Shang Qinghua his WeChat QR code. “Here.” 

Shang Qinghua heaves a sigh of relief. He’s glad that Mobei-Jun, being a steel-pipe-straight man, does not think anything odd of the situation. Mobei-Jun does not need to know that 20 minutes ago, Shang Qinghua was reading a Weibo prompt about how Mobei-Jun had him bent over a table, spat on his face and called him a dirty little whore. Shang Qinghua sheepishly shuffles to the dustbin to retrieve his phone and swiftly exits all the incriminating tabs he has on. He returns to his seat, scans the QR code and mumbles a small thanks. 

Luckily, Zhuzhi-Lang has decided to take pity on him and returns to the waiting room, saving Shang Qinghua from this hell called Mobei-Jun. 

“Okay, I— Mobei-Jun!?” Zhuzhi-Lang’s eyes widen when he sees the second figure in the room but manages to quickly compose himself a beat later. “Hi, I’m Zhuzhi-Lang, Shang Qinghua’s assistant.” 

Mobei-Jun gives a nod of acknowledgement before tucking into the cold and bloated noodles. 

Zhuzhi-Lang uses this distraction to pull Shang Qinghua aside and whisper, “Why is your adversary in your waiting room eating your leftover lunch?!” 

“I don’t know!” Shang Qinghua whispers back, “he just came in and said he was hungry!” 

Zhuzhi-Lang casts a doubtful look at him. “Is this a ploy to poison your rival so you can receive more company resources?” 

Shang Qinghua huffs, affronted. “No!” he denies, not forgetting to keep his voice hushed. “Stop reading those online forums slandering me!” 

Completely disregarding Shang Qinghua’s defence, Zhuzhi-Lang continues, “What did you put in the noodles?” And in an even lower tone, “Do you need me to buy more ‘seasoning’?” 

“I am not attempting to murder Mobei-Jun!” Shang Qinghua squawks, unable to help raising his voice from the agitation. Belatedly realising his blunder, he freezes and slowly twists his neck towards the couch. 

Mobei-Jun, who has heard this criminal allegation, peers towards Shang Qinghua’s direction, expression unreadable as always. 

“U-uh… I mean,” Shang Qinghua stutters, feeling sweat gather in his armpits from Mobei-Jun’s burning scrutiny. “The only murdering around here is you killing me with your good looks.” 

The actor raises his brow. 

To reinforce his claim, Shang Qinghua raises his hand in a finger gun, points it at his chest and mimics firing it. Using his 2/10 acting skills, he clutches his chest and stumbles backwards dramatically. “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, you give love a bad name,” he sings.   

Zhuzhi-Lang shields his face with a hand and turns away, wanting to distance himself as far away from Shang Qinghua as possible. 

A fraction of a smile appears on Mobei-Jun’s face for approximately half a second before he lowers his neck to resume eating like nothing happened. 

Shang Qinghua heaves a sigh of relief. Guess those corny fanfiction came in handy! He knew Moshang fanfiction was going to change the world! Turning back to Zhuzhi-Lang, he threatens, “Stop believing everything Weibo is saying! You’re with me everyday, you should know me better!” 

Zhuzhi-Lang shrugs. “Can’t judge a book by its cover.” 

Narrowing his eyes at his assistant menacingly, Shang Qinghua makes his way back to Mobei-Jun to avoid any suspicions of planning a diabolical conspiracy behind his back. Settling on the couch, he sneaks careful peeks at the man, watching the way Mobei-Jun is eating the congealed noodles regally as though it were a five-course Michelin meal. 

So this is the man of Chinese girls’ dreams? Damn, if Shang Qinghua was gay (which he isn’t), he would totally want this man in his wet dreams too! At least his fans have good taste by shipping him and Mobei-Jun together. As Shang Qinghua surveys the density of his nemesis’ eyelashes, the contour of his jawline to the outline of his torso, his mind halts at a harrowing revelation.

Wait a minute! Why do fans automatically assume Shang Qinghua is the bottom?!?!?!?!

What’s the difference between him and Mobei-Jun?! Aren’t both of them straight men all the same?! Which means Shang Qinghua could totally be on top too! Just because Shang Qinghua does not have thirty one pieces of abs does not mean he cannot be the top! This is abdominal discrimination! The United Nation will not stand for this infringement of human rights! Why is the fan group called Moshang and not Shangmo? Or Shangbei, Shangjun, Qingmo, Qingbei, Qingjun, Huamo, Huabei, Huajun? All the possibilities out there but the fans have limited their imagination! 

While Shang Qinghua simmers in his dissension of ship names, he does not notice Mobei-Jun calling for him. “Shang Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun repeats for the third time, giving a gentle push on Shang Qinghua’s shoulder. 

Startled, Shang Qinghua jumps and blurts, “No, I could totally top you!—”

“...?” Mobei-Jun raises a brow in a mixture of confusion and disdain. 

Shang Qinghua thanks the heavens that Mobei-Jun is a homosexual straight man that has no idea what he’s talking about. 

“—Top you in PUBG, I mean. Do you play?” Nice save! 

“A little.” 

“Okay, no worries,” he assures, patting his own chest confidently, “Daddy Qinghua will carry you to Mercury and back.” 

Mobei-Jun’s brows furrow. 

“I mean… your humble servant Qinghua will carry your royal highness through the upheaval of the court.” 

Mobei-Jun does not look impressed so Shang Qinghua amends, “I’ll carry you up 3799 steps of stairs even if it costs me my life?”  

“...” 

“Okay, you don’t need me to carry you,” Shang Qinghua quickly backtracks.  

“How about you carry me, then?” Shang Qinghua tries one final time, blinking hopefully at Mobei-Jun. 

“...”

Hello, Mobei-Jun is your mic working? Is Shang Qinghua destined to be the only one unmuted?! Give him something to work with, Mobei-Jun! Shang Qinghua is at his wit’s end here! How is Shang Qinghua supposed to know what his adversary is thinking when that man has approximately 1.5 different facial expressions outside of work?! 

Luckily, salvation comes in the form of the production assistant informing them to be on standby, and Shang Qinghua springs up from his seat, not wanting to spend another minute in this awkwardness. 

“Well, it’s been great talking to you, Mobei-Jun, I really enjoyed the stimulating discussions we’ve had, it was truly phenomenal. I will engrave this moment on my tombstone and have it immortalised till the end of civilisation,” Shang Qinghua prattles as he inches towards the exit with a stealth that James Bond would be proud of and flees. 

Dear AITA SubReddit, 

Am I (25 M) the asshole for wanting to quit my job because my adversary (25 M), whom I ship myself with, accidentally found me watching an AMV of us being passionately in love? 

Eagerly waiting for help online!!! Please help!!!!

Chapter Text

Excerpt from Diary Entry #21 
I have been slotted into the same xianxia drama as my adversary. Fans have been flooding my inbox warning me to stay away from him because he is apparently out to destroy me.

I would like to see him try. Will visit his waiting room later to gauge the situation. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #22 
Visited my adversary’s waiting room. He does not appear to be capable of instigating my demise. He looked rather skittish like a frightened hamster… maybe it was because I walked in on him watching one of my earlier works that not many knew about. I must admit I am rather surprised, for I did not expect him to be a fan. 

We exchanged numbers but should I have given him an autograph too? 

Shang Qinghua feels like an overly anxious parent during their child’s first day in preschool as he hovers around the set, intently watching Mobei-Jun from the sidelines. He can almost feel his eyeballs shrivelling up into saggy, old testicles from how long he hasn’t blinked, hyper-focusing on the man clad in opulent black and silver robes. 

There is, of course, nothing to be said about Mobei-Jun’s acting as the man pulls off immaculate deliveries take after take — but that is no reason for Shang Qinghua to let his guard down. Shang Qinghua stands rooted on the spot, his determination unwavering even if his knees are. His eyes are trained on Mobei-Jun as he carries out one of the action scenes in the drama, executing a series of choreographed fist-fighting with his co-actor. 

So far so good, Shang Qinghua comforts himself. However, his relief does not last too long as he sees Mobei-Jun getting geared up for some wire work. He feels his heart pumping faster than the bass of a Nightcore remix when he watches Mobei-Jun flying around in his harness during a fight scene with the Garbage Collector God. Half of him is in awe of Mobei-Jun’s impeccable acting and physical abilities; the other half is sweating enough to fill up the Pacific Ocean from how stressed he is right now. 

“What are you doing?” Zhuzhi-Lang asks after noticing Shang Qinghua standing on the same spot for the past two hours. 

“Watching Mobei-Jun,” he replies distractedly, eyes still trained on the Earth Master. 

Zhuzhi-Lang’s eyes dart between Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun, who is currently gliding from one end of the set to the other. A lightbulb flashes in his mind and his mouth forms a perfect ‘o’. Leaning closer towards his employer, he whispers, “Did you do something to the cables?”  

Shang Qinghua slaps a hand over the assistant’s mouth, looking around nervously. “Don’t say things like that in public! His fans are going to come after me even harder!” 

Just as Shang Qinghua is about to explain to Zhuzhi-Lang what exactly he is doing, the director calls for a 15-minute break and Shang Qinghua zooms over to Mobei-Jun, snatching a bottle of water from the refreshment stand along the way. 

Why is Shang Qinghua acting like a helicopter parent, you ask? Well, the reason is very simple: 

If Mobei-Jun were to sustain an injury, or worse yet, a minor inconvenience while filming, wouldn’t Shang Qinghua be the number one suspect?! If Mobei-Jun’s fans are already assuming Shang Qinghua is to blame for all of the actor’s troubles despite being at the other end of the country, what more if he and Mobei-jun are sharing the same breathing space a few meters apart from each other?! 

So can you really blame Shang Qinghua for being so goddamn paranoid and hovering over Mobei-Jun like a Chinese Gasai Yuno? If anything were to happen to the actor, Shang Qinghua would have to fake his own death, forge a new body from a Sun and Moon Dew Flower Sprout and live out the rest of his existence as a wandering cultivator with a poorly constructed beard! 

Shang Qinghua shivers at the thought — he is not ready to be a nomad! How can he survive a world without consistent internet connection? Inconceivable! 

With a newly invigorated sense of determination, he stalks to Mobei-Jun with a bottle of water in hand, ready to protect his very average lifestyle. Just then, a stagehand carrying a box full of props passes by the actor and slips on a piece of tape on the floor. Everything happens in slow motion as an array of decorative objects soar in the air and Shang Qinghua dashes towards Mobei-Jun with all his might, letting out a panicked “Nooooooooo!”.  

Mobei-Jun, if anything happens to you, I’m fucked!!! Do you hear me??? I’m fucked!!! 

Spreading his arms out like Jesus on a cross, Shang Qinghua stands inches away from Mobei-Jun, head twisted to the side reflexively as an assortment of scrolls, brushes and jade pendants bounces off his face, falling to the ground in a medley of thuds and clangs. 

The set goes silent before it bursts into an uproar. 

“Are you two okay?” A horde of shocked staff members rush over, eyes blown wide in concern as they peer at Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun, afraid of all the possible repercussions. 

Zhuzhi-Lang holds onto Shang Qinghua’s arm, supporting him as he scans Shang Qinghua for injuries. Shang Qinghua waves off the concern, spinning to Mobei-Jun, babbling, “Are you hurt anywhere? Do we need to call the paramedics? The president? Nelson Mandela?” 

He waves his hand in front of Mobei-Jun’s face. “Are you suffering from a Cardiogenic shock? Can you see me properly? How many fingers am I holding up?” 

Mobei-Jun stares at him in consideration, taking in his frazzled demeanour and asks, “Why did you do that?” 

Finding nothing amiss with his adversary, Shang Qinghua lets out a deep sigh of relief before curling his lips into a playful grin, “To die for you in battle is my greatest honour.” He shoves the bottle of water to Mobei-Jun’s chest, pats him on the shoulder twice and skips off, elated that it was another great day of saving his own ass. 

What better way to celebrate his survival than to prowl the internet for more Moshang content? 

Shang Qinghua nestles back on the sofa in his waiting room, pulls his knees in and begins scrolling through Weibo using his side account.  He clicks into the Moshang Nation fan group and decides to formally join it this time. An automated welcome message pops up in his inbox and one of the group’s administrators greets him. 

DrizzleMist: Welcome to Moshang Nation!
You can call me Yan, feel free to ping me if
there’s anything you need help with! 

Not forgetting his revelation earlier on, Shang Qinghua gets to work. 

ShootingAirplane: Thanks Yan. I would just like to
make a small suggestion about the group. 

DrizzleMist: Hmm? What is it? 

Shooting Airplane: Don’t you think SQH could totally
top MBJ? Instead of Moshang Nation why not
call it Shangmo instead? Or Shangbei? Or Huamo?
Or Qingbei? I think there’s a nice ring to it. 

DrizzleMist: … This is a fan group for
Moshang, please respect the ship.  

Shooting Airplane: I think you guys are limiting your
imagination here. Have you seen Shang Qinghua?
He SCREAMS top energy!
Bop bop bop, bop to the top, yknow? 
I think you should really speak with the other admins
about this! Don’t you see the potential?
SQH protecting a delicate white lotus MBJ from harm?
Using himself as a meat-shield to protect him from 
dangerous projectiles? The inherent romanticism in that!

DrizzleMist: please do not disrupt the fanon

[You have been muted in the group for 24 hours]

Shang Qinghua jabs at his phone furiously. Has he been muted in his own cp group?! He just saved Mobei-Jun from flying stationery and this is the thanks he gets?! What do they mean him protecting Mobei-Jun from harm is not canon?! He was there! It was a firsthand account by the protagonist himself!!! 

“The audacity of these fans!” he huffs, throwing his phone on the couch. One day, they will realise what they have been missing out on and Shang Qinghua is right all these while! 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #25

From my observation today, I can conclude that this supposed “rivalry” between the adversary and I is purely a figment of the fans’ imagination. I believe my adversary’s identity is, actually, a secret fan of mine.  

I noticed him standing at the sidelines watching me with unwavering focus throughout the filming today. Even as I turned away from him, I could feel his gaze burning the back of my neck. He must truly be a massive fan to be staring so intently. His attention incentivised me to perform better and we managed to be ahead of schedule. 

He had also rushed over to my aid when a staff member tripped and spilled his box of props. He ran over, stood in front of me and shielded me from the falling objects. When I asked why he did that, he said he was willing to do anything and even die for me. This affirms my hypothesis — he is a very big fan. 

I should get to know him better. 

Things are peaceful the next couple of days. Mobei-Jun does not have any action scenes scheduled so Shang Qinghua’s heart is spared from working overtime. Due to the nature of their roles, they are involved in many scenes together. Luckily, the scenes lined up so far have been ones that are more conversational and do not involve too much emoting, so the cast is spared from having to redo scenes over and over again for Shang Qinghua’s sake. Additionally, the fantastic thing about acting alongside Mobei-Jun is that his star aura radiates so strongly on camera that it overshadows everyone else, and Shang Qinghua gets to mask his inadequate acting behind him. 

That’s the way! Fake boyfriend coming in clutch! Another win for the Moshang Nation! Shang Qinghua hoots in his mind as the director passes another take, too satisfied with Mobei-Jun’s performance to be bothered to critique Shang Qinghua’s. This collaboration is yielding even more benefits than Shang Qinghua expected — provided that Mobei-Jun doesn’t suddenly pull a muscle or fall into an abyss. 

They are given a 20-minutes break and one of the producers informs them that their fans have been granted access to visit for the afternoon, and are in the waiting area outside of the studio. Shang Qinghua gives his assent, grabs a whole bunch of packaged snacks from the refreshment counter and heads outside trailing behind Mobei-Jun. 

The moment they exit the studio, a shrill chorus of excited shrieks ring from behind the barricades. Their respective group of fans — Huathehell and Mobeby — stand behind the erected barricade, a distinct gap formed between them.

Shang Qinghua flashes a cheery smile when he notices the familiar faces of his usual fans. “Hello!” he waves and a blend of bright ‘hi’s and cheers greet him back. 

Just as he is about to walk over to the group, Mobei-Jun leans towards him and whispers in his ear, “Give me one bag of the snacks.” 

Shang Qinghua’s eyes dart down to Mobei-Jun’s empty hands, leans in and whispers back, “You forgot to bring snacks for the fans? You’ve probably done this way more often, how are you not used to this?” Shang Qinghua shows him a quick scowl of disapproval before handing him one of the bags. 

“Thanks,” Mobei-Jun says, making his way to Mobebies and begins distributing Shang Qinghua’s snacks while politely making small talk. 

Averting his eyes, Shang Qinghua does the same with Huathehells, passing them snacks while asking how they have been. As Shang Qinghua signs a photocard handed to him, one of the more familiar fans asks in a low voice, “Are you doing okay in the production? Has Mobei-Jun been giving you trouble?” 

Hearing the sudden accusation, Shang Qinghua bursts into a surprise laugh. “No he hasn’t,” he answers between sniggers, “he has been very helpful.” In distracting the director from criticising me. Shang Qinghua leaves that part out. 

To prove his statement, he calls out to Mobei-Jun, who stands a few meters away. Mobei-Jun turns towards him, eyebrow raised in silent question as Shang Qinghua grins and playfully shows him a finger heart. 

The actor looks down at Shang Qinghua’s thumb and index finger for a few moments. Lifting his gaze back on his co-actor, he hesitantly raises his own right hand and awkwardly presses his thumb and index finger together to mirror Shang Qinghua’s, whilst still maintaining his usual deadpan countenance. 

Shang Qinghua presses his lips together, fighting back another fit of laughter from the dissonance of Mobei-Jun’s solemn countenance versus the cutesy hand gesture. He glances back at his fans with an expression that reads “See? We’re fine” . 

Meanwhile, Mobebies are hysterical from the fanservice their male god has bestowed upon them, rapidly whipping out their DSLRs and phones to snap photos of this historical moment in Chinese history. During this heated moment, one of Mobei-Jun’s fans hoisting a DSLR suggests in a meek voice, “Can… can… I… t-take a photo of both you and Shang Qinghua together?” 

The crowd falls silent. 

An audible gasp resounds from the crowd upon hearing the request, and the two groups of fans size each other up, taken aback. While unofficial, there has been an unwritten rule since the start of Huathehell and Mobeby, where it is frowned upon to openly engage or support the other side, like picking teams in a football match. Whether it be online or in physical events, Mobeby and Huathehell have actively shunned each other — and for viewers who happen to like both Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun, they can only quietly stay in the shadows, unable to express their dual interest. And somewhere in between that deep forbidden gulf lives the Moshang Nation, outcasted by either side for their delusion beliefs of union.

So it is a world-shattering moment when a Mobeby voices out that blasphemous request of a group shot, and the fans have no idea how to react. However, Mobei-Jun, being the wooden log that he is, does not realise the awkward tension between the two groups and simply replies, “Okay.” 

He slightly turns his body towards Shang Qinghua, a silent invitation for him to come closer. Sneaking glances at the confused fans, Shang Qinghua obliges, sliding next to the man and putting on his Professional Smile while trying his damn hardest to not cry Moshang is Rio!   

There is a moment of pin-drop silence before the sounds of rapid shutters clicking fill the air. 

“Ahhhhhhh! Daddy Mobei, look here!”  

“Shang Qinghua, look at mummy!” 

“Stand closer, stand closer!” 

“Mobei-Jun! Smil— okay, nevermind…” 

The tension between Huathehell and Mobeby eases significantly after the impromptu mini photo-taking session, and Shang Qinghua resumes signing merchandise and photo cards for his fans. Ten minutes later, the producer hollers from the door that filming is about to resume. Taking the cue, both actors begin to say their goodbyes. As their fans unwillingly peel themselves away from the barricade and slowly trickle off, a teenage girl from behind the group carefully shuffles forward.

“Umm… excuse me,” she calls out softly, hesitation written all over her face as she anxiously fiddles with a poster in hand. “Can you… umm… can you… nevermind, it’s okay—” 

Shang Qinghua peers at the poster almost wrinkling from how hard she is holding it and offers, “Do you want your poster signed?” 

She freezes for a beat, before giving a small nod and shakily handing it to him. Shang Qinghua almost chokes when he looks at the poster and discovers the digital illustration of a Chibi Mobei-Jun and him cuddling together amidst sakura blossoms and pink bubbles. 

“Is this… not… okay…?” she bites her lips nervously, looking up at Shang Qinghua with an expression of a kicked puppy. 

Before Shang Qinghua can respond, Mobei-Jun glances over and notices the drawing. “Is that us?” he asks, plucking the poster from Shang Qinghua’s hands. After studying the illustration for a bit, he fishes out a marker and signs under the Chibi Mobei-Jun. 

“Cute,” he compliments and hands the poster back to Shang Qinghua. 

If Shang Qinghua could spit blood without risk of tuberculosis, he would. Mobei-Jun, do you know what you are doing?! You just signed on a Moshang fanart! You have basically sanctioned the shipping of Moshang! Can you not tell that we are cuddling in her artwork?! What did you think we were doing? Non-homoerotic sumo-wrestling?!   

Now that Mobei-Jun has signed it, it would look super bad on Shang Qinghua if he refused. Swallowing back his imminent outburst, Shang Qinghua signs under his own chibi and smiles, “Anything for a fellow Moshang fan! To whom shall I address it to?” 

Surprised by the unexpected twist of events, the teenage fan waves her hands frantically, looking two breaths away from hyperventilating. “Oh, no- no need for it!” She quickly snatches the fanart back and squeaks, “Don’t let my name desecrate this sacred artifact!” 

Forcing out a rushed goodbye, she prances off in absolute ecstasy while Shang Qinghua simmers in a hodgepodge of conflicting sentiments. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #30
Deliberately asked my adversary for snacks in front of the fans to let them know there is no animosity between us. It worked very well. The fans warmed up to the idea and even requested for us to take photos together. One of them even drew an illustration of us. 

I’ve seen some of the things fans have said about my adversary online. Hopefully today’s incident will help lessen some of the accusations. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #31
Also, during the fan meeting earlier, my adversary pressed his thumb and index finger together at a peculiar angle and showed it to me. Is it a gang sign? 

I have no idea what it means but I returned the sign and he seemed pleased, so I suppose it is nothing bad. Should ask Sha Hualing about it later. 

It is difficult to live a Superman-esque double life, Shang Qinghua concludes one week into filming The Red Eye-Patch Ghost. Mobei-Jun and him get along… okay. Not great, but passable, with all things considered. 

Mobei-Jun, true to his idol persona, is a block of walking ice who has little interest in socialising or smiling more than what is socially required. Shang Qinghua has never seen a man more devoid of a sense of humour and he is honestly impressed by how unmoved Mobei-Jun is outside of work. While everyone on set can be cackling at how an actor misread a line in the most absurd of ways, Mobei-Jun is the only person unfazed by the situation, blankly staring straight ahead waiting for the next take to begin. Shang Qinghua suspects he might be an AI — but dismisses the thought when he figures that an AI robot can probably pick up more emotions than Mobei-Jun ever could. 

Inversely, it is this exact frigidity that makes Shang Qinghua’s shipper heart soar even higher whenever Mobei-Jun does anything apart from standing still like an ice sculpture. 

Is it really Shang Qinghua’s fault if he cannot help his shipper heart from screeching “Moshang is Rio!!!” when Mobei-Jun graciously decides to extend a hand out to balance Shang Qinghua when he trips on his robes? Or when they stare into each other’s eyes for prolonged periods of time when reciting certain lines? It is certainly not his fault that his heart instinctively squeals “couple outfits!” when they are outfitted in opposing black and white robes as per their roles. 

And, he most definitely cannot be blamed for letting out a yelp of bashful surprise when he finds Mobei-Jun’s face is a little too close to his during filming! He’s not gay but he has eyes! It is not his fault that Mobei-Jun is so unfairly handsome that any man in the position as Shang Qinghua would have done the exact same thing! 

Yet, while his heart is racing harder than a Formula One match and his mind is already supplying twenty different fanfiction scenarios, Shang Qinghua is obligated to maintain his facade as a Respectable and Sane Colleague. This double life Shang Qinghua is leading makes him feel like Superman, except that instead of having invulnerability or superhuman strength, his superpower is idiocy and being able to drink enough bubble tea to rehydrate the Gobi Desert in one sitting. 

Shang Qinghua is a simple man and his favourite two phrases are “Here’s free money” and “Cut! That’s a wrap!”. So it is with absolute joy when he hears the Director announce the latter, and he stretches out his neck and shoulders, ready for a nice warm bath.  

“Shang Qinghua.” A voice rings from behind. 

Fuck. Shang Qinghua thinks when he twists around and sees the lithe frame of Shen Qingqiu walking up to him. 

Shang Qinghua is a simple man and his two least favourite things are horror movies and Shen Qingqiu needing to have a word with him. “H-hi,” Shang Qinghua greets, eyeing Shen Qingqiu like a small animal ready to fight-or-flight. “Why are you here?” 

Shen Qingqiu lets out an annoyed huff before replying, “The CEO wants me to check in on you and—” 

“I’m doing excellent. Thank him for the concern,” Shang Qinghua quickly interjects. 

“— and from what I’ve seen so far, you might be doing excellent but everyone else around you is possibly cringing from your toilet-tier acting.” 

Shang Qinghua frowns, indignant. “Hey, I’ll have you know that the director has only told me off 34 times and gave up on remedying my scenes 19 times. That’s a record.”    

Shen Qingqiu stares at him like he’s a particularly embarrassing younger sibling he has no choice but to be associated with. “So I called in an acting coach to help you with your remaining scenes.”

The moment Shang Qinghua hears the words “acting coaching”, he feels the earth shattering under his feet and thunder and lightning rumbling in the background like the start of an apocalypse. “No!” he objects, shaking his head fervently in abject horror. “Luo Binghe scares me!”

Shang Qinghua recollects the face of Luo Binghe and the air of menace surrounding him and whines even louder, “He probably has a 50 Shades of Grey Red Room hidden in his bedroom!” 

“Shut up.” Shen Qingqiu rolls his eyes, thwacking him on the head. “He does not have—” 

At this juncture, Shang Qinghua spots Mobei-Jun passing by after having a discussion with the director and an idea sprouts in his head. Hooking an unsuspecting Mobei-Jun by his elbow, he yanks the larger man over and points at the actor. “Mobei-Jun is already helping me with my acting,” Shang Qinghua lies, smiling earnestly at Shen Qingqiu. 

Shen Qingqiu eyes slide over to Mobei-Jun, who looks completely impassive and unenthused. “Are you sure Mobei-Jun has agreed to this?” 

“Of course he did!” Shang Qinghua tugs on their linked arms and blinks at Mobei-Jun dramatically. “We’re even planning to discuss a lesson plan over dinner later. Right, Mobei-Jun?” 

Mobei-Jun gazes at Shang Qinghua’s pleading demeanour for two beats, turns back to Shen Qingqiu and says, “Yes.” 

Shen Qingqiu is still awfully unconvinced. But if Mobei-Jun himself concurs with Shang Qinghua’s statement, then there is nothing much he can do about it. “In that case, thank you Mobei-Jun for taking care of this idiot.” 

“No problem,” Mobei-Jun replies. 

Hey! Did the both of them just roast Shang Qinghua right in front of his face? Feeling very attacked by the situation, Shang Qinghua hurriedly interjects, “Okay, good talk! We got to go now, we made reservations. Say hi to the CEO for me, goodbye!” With that, he flees the scene with Mobei-Jun in tow, heading to the dressing room to get their wigs and costumes removed. 

“Thanks for the cover,” Shang Qinghua says, now dressed in period-appropriate attire.  

“Mm,” Mobei-Jun hums curtly, smoothing out the wrinkles on his shirt. 

Shang Qinghua peers at Mobei-Jun through the dressing room mirror and hesitantly asks, “Do you… want to get dinner? I already told Shen Qingqiu that we were and I don’t want to get caught lying.” 

Mobei-Jun looks at him.  

Suddenly anxious about overstepping boundaries or offending Mobei-Jun with his imprudence, he quickly adds, “My treat! You like dumplings, right? I know a place nearby that sells really good crab dumplings!” 

Upon hearing Shang Qinghua’s ramble, the actor only stares at him harder as though in deep consideration. Just as Shang Qinghua is about to apologise and rescind the offer, Mobei-Jun agrees, “Okay.” 

Shang Qinghua beams in relief. “Okay!” 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #47
My adversary asked me out for dinner and begged me to coach him. He looked too much like a needy hamster and I couldn’t reject him. 

But how does he know that I like dumplings? 

Chapter Text

They arrive at the relatively empty restaurant after a brief walk. Normally, Shang Qinghua would simply sit at one of the tables in the open area, but seeing that Mobei-Jun is with him this time round, he requests for a table in one of the private booths instead. 

“Do you want to take a look?” Shang Qinghua asks, pushing the menu towards Mobei-Jun. 

Mobei-Jun, who is busy typing on his phone, rejects, “It’s fine. You can order.” 

Shrugging, Shang Qinghua calls the waitress over and orders, “Can I get a garlic stir-fried kailan with no carrots, crab dumplings, tomato egg drop soup with no coriander, and two bowls of rice?” 

Mobei-Jun looks up from his phone as the waitress confirms the order and exits the booth. Shang Qinghua meets his gaze a while later, expression shifting to one of uncertainty. “Y-y-yes…? Did you want to change the order?” 

“How did you know my food preferences?” Mobei-Jun asks, brows furrowed. 

Fuck! Shang Qinghua curses. He is ashamed to admit he has spent way too much time on the Moshang forum for the past week to be considered normal and the result of his degeneracy is that he is now a full-time walking Mobei-Jun encyclopaedia. He doesn’t need to know that Mobei-Jun is adverse to coriander, carrots and chilli, or that he wears UK size 8 shoes, but here he is, knowing fun facts about Mobei-Jun better than he knows his father! It would have been fine if Shang Qinghua never said a word about this — but now he has dumbly revealed his inappropriately well-versed knowledge of Mobei-Jun by ordering food exactly to his palate. If Mobei-Jun didn’t think he was a stalker before, he definitely does now. 

“I… Uh… you know, uh… lucky guess?” Shang Qinghua lies, feeling his ears burn from shame. He quickly pours a cup of tea for Mobei-Jun as a distraction. “Here, have some leaf water.” 

The rest of dinner settles into a silence Shang Qinghua can’t determine if it is comfortable or not. Not one to initiate any conversation, Mobei-Jun seems perfectly at ease savouring his meal whenever he’s not busy answering Shang Qinghua’s sporadic questions with placid replies. While Mobei-Jun is comfortably having dinner, Shang Qinghua is freaking the fuck out about Mobei-Jun knowing that Shang Qinghua knows way too much information about him. 

“What about you?” Mobei-Jun asks after a mouthful of kailan. 

Shang Qinghua’s eyes dart about wanderingly. “What about me?” 

 “You know my food preference but I don’t know yours.” Mobei-Jun sets his chopsticks down and looks at him in rapt attention. 

Shang Qinghua’s heart skips a beat. Oh my god, Mobei-Jun! Stop making it sound like we’re on a date and trying to find out more about each other! You can’t say things like that in such an amorous tone! Especially not with a face like that! If Shang Qinghua were a mere defenceless girl, he would have already stripped off his clothes right there and then, offered himself naked and answered his food preference was Mobei-Jun! But luckily for Mobei-Jun, Shang Qinghua is a straight man who has an unwavering spirit so he does not succumb to this mock flirtation despite the fierce battle happening within him. His shipper heart wants to sing, his straight man heart wants to scream, goddamn it! Two roads diverged in a yellow road and Shang Qinghua is sorry he cannot travel both. 

A crisp clink of chopsticks against ceramic snaps Shang Qinghua out of his dilemma. He coughs and answers, “Um, I like noodles and sweet things and I don’t like durian.”  

Staring at Shang Qinghua consideringly for two beats, Mobei-Jun nods, picks up his chopsticks and resumes finishing up the dishes. 

It takes another fifteen minutes for them to finish up the meal and when they step outside, Mobei-Jun suddenly voices “hold on for a moment” before turning the corner and entering a dimly-lit alley. Trailing behind, Shang Qinghua finds Mobei-Jun leaning against the concrete wall, lighting a cigarette. 

Shang Qinghua stares at the actor as he wraps his lips around the thin cylindrical roll, sucking softly before exhaling a stream of smoke. Shang Qinghua watches the thin puff of smoke dissipate in the velvet night before turning his attention back on Mobei-Jun. 

“What?” Mobei-Jun asks after noticing Shang Qinghua staring at him with a concerned glint in his eyes. 

“Is this okay?” Shang Qinghua asks. 

Mobei-Jun frowns at the vague reply. “Is what okay?” 

“You,” Shang Qinghua replies, gesturing at the cigarette. “Smoking. In front of me.” 

Mobei-Jun’s frown deepens. “Why shouldn’t I smoke in front of you?” 

“Because, you know…” Shang Qinghua waves his hands about. “What if I took pictures of you smoking and then posted it online. Your image would be ruined!¹” 

Mobei-Jun’s lips quirk in amusement and a trail of white smoke escapes them. “Are you going to take pictures of me and post it online, then?” 

“No! I will never do that to you!” Shang Qinghua quickly refutes, terrified of the accusation. He doesn’t need more reasons for netizens to think he is sabotaging Mobei-Jun’s very successful career! He is only one poor Chinese man who prioritises playing mobile games over practicing acting! Let him live his mediocre existence in peace! 

“Then there’s no problem, is there?” Mobei-Jun returns his attention back to his cigarette, seemingly in a better mood than before.  

Shang Qinghua sinks into contemplation, realising a grave error he has made: did his comment just plant an unwanted seed in Mobei-Jun’s head? If Mobei-Jun’s smoking habit ever gets out to the press, wouldn’t Shang Qinghua be the number one prime suspect because he is a solid eye witness to this and has even proposed such an idea?! Shang Qinghua curses. Just when he had thought things were getting better and he would be rid of his villainess reputation. He doesn’t want to be blamed again for conducting black magic on Mobei-Jun to cripple his career! 

Racking his brain for a solution, Shang Qinghua peers at Mobei-Jun hopefully. “Is there a chance you might quit smoking within the next 40 seconds?” 

Mobei-Jun glances at him impassively. 

“Guess not,” Shang Qinghua concludes despondently. Okay, abort plan A. He sinks into a deep rumination before perking up again. “Okay, I got it. Teach me how to smoke.” 

Mobei-Jun’s hand freezes in midair and he glares at Shang Qinghua. “What for?” 

“So you have evidence of me smoking too and you wouldn’t have to worry about me exposing you.” 

“...” 

“...Is that a no?”

Mobei-Jun does not dignify him with a response and Shang Qinghua panics. Not to toot his own horn but he thought it was a pretty damn good idea! Is it back to the drawing board for him?  

Just as Shang Qinghua begins to put on his thinking cap, Mobei-Jun finally accedes, “Okay.”

Without warning, Mobei-Jun inhales the stick one last time before stuffing the cigarette between Shang Qinghua’s lips. 

Oh my god, th-th-this… is an indirect kiss! Shang Qinghua’s brain screams. Attention! Attention! Attention all passengers! The Moshang Dream Cruise is about to set sail, please come aboard immediately! Shang Qinghua’s shoujo heart does not have the capacity to handle such flirtations! Shang Qinghua does not have many friends so he is not sure, but… is this what bros do?! Do straight bros share cigarettes with other straight bros by delivering it straight to their lips like a registered courier service? Isn’t this basically the homoerotic variation of sharing one milkshake at a diner in 1960s America? 

Shaking off the wayward comment barrage floating through his mind, he sucks on the cigarette with as much straight male energy as he can muster. As he inhales, the sharp minty vapour hits the back of his throat and he chokes on the uncomfortable sensation. Coughing uncontrollably, his eyes water and he glares at Mobei-Jun accusingly with his reddened waterline. 

The small upturn of Mobei-Jun’s lips is a testament to how much amusement he is experiencing from this episode. Giving a couple of patronising pats on Shang Qinghua’s back, he takes away the lighted stick and taunts, “Still interested in learning?” 

Sniffling, Shang Qinghua shakes his head and Mobei-Jun nods. “Good.” 

It takes a moment for Mobei-Jun’s statement to click for Shang Qinghua and his eyes widen in astonishment. “You did it on purpose!” he exclaims. 

Mobei-Jun shrugs nonchalantly, not denying the allegation, and milks the last few puffs from the rapidly diminishing stick. 

“Okay, I change my mind,” Shang Qinghua huffs, fishing out his phone from his pocket. “You stay right there in this pose. I’m taking the photo and sending it to every media outlet.” 

Completely unfazed by Shang Qinghua’s threat, Mobei-Jun snorts and graciously holds the cigarette between his lips. In an act of vindication, Shang Qinghua turns on the flash and clicks the shutter, being a firm believer that no one looks good with flash, especially at such a close distance. After a flicker of light, Shang Qinghua checks the photo and fuck! How does Mobei-Jun still look like a Vogue model even at such an unflattering angle and with flash turned on! Hello God-sama, stop being so obvious with your favouritism! 

Feeling even grumpier looking at the photo, Shang Qinghua decides he is going to tell media outlets that Mobei-Jun has chronic diarrhoea instead. Before Shang Qinghua can further ruminate on his revenge plan, Mobei-Jun grabs him by the wrist, wedges something in between his index and middle finger, and a camera flash goes off. Taken aback by the sudden chain of events, Shang Qinghua blinks dumbly for two beats before looking down at the minuscule stub of cigarette between his fingers and back at Mobei-Jun again. 

Mobei-Jun turns his phone screen towards him — a candid picture of a stupefied Shang Qinghua clearly displayed on his phone. Shang Qinghua makes an attempt to snatch the offending object but Mobei-Jun’s quick reflexes and height advantage proves to be an obstacle to Shang Qinghua’s attack plan as Mobei-Jun lifts his phone above Shang Qinghua’s reach.

An imperceptible smile appears on the actor’s face. “Now we both don’t have to worry.” 

Shang Qinghua squints. The cyberworld has gotten it all wrong — Mobei-Jun is truly the villainess in this story. Shang Qinghua is obviously the bullied Cinderella and Mobei-Jun is clearly the evil and ugly stepsister! Where is the van that would send him to an isekai parallel universe so he can change this wildly inaccurate narrative spreading on the internet?! 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #49 

My adversary bought me dinner today and he even knows all of my food preferences. He must be a bigger fan than I thought. It is cute that his ears redden when he is flustered. Does he know that about himself? It was also cute when he was concerned about me smoking and getting caught. Doesn’t he realise I wouldn’t light my cigarette in front of others? 

He took his first puff and choked on the tobacco. I hope this incident serves as a reminder for him to never pick up the habit. Although he was rather cute when glared at me with reddened eyes like a helpless rabbit. 

I also managed to take a cute photo of him while he was caught unaware. It shall be his new contact picture. 

How many times did I say cute in this entry? I should stop saying cute. 

The ice between them seemed to thin out after that fateful dinner, and Shang Qinghua finds Mobei-Jun being 10% more personable than usual — and by that, Shang Qinghua means the rate of Mobei-Jun answering his random blabber has increased from its usual 5% pull rate to a whopping 25% in a game called Beishin Impact. 

On one particular day where Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun are told to standby on set despite not having many scenes involving them, Shang Qinghua has a sudden stroke of genius after slouching on a padded chair for three hours. 

“Let’s play King of Glory!²” 

Mobei-Jun eyes Shang Qinghua cracking his knuckles grandly and asks, “Are you a serious gamer?” 

Shang Qinghua grins brightly, equipping his avatar with a flashy skin. “Not at all. I’m basically the Goddess of Mercy. Calm, patient, benevolent.” 

…

“Ah, fuck, what is that tank doing?! My grandma can take more hits than him!” 

“Is this a 1v9 match?!” 

“Oi, can’t you see we’re in a teamfight?! Why are you still sightseeing in the jungle?!” 

“Aw, it’s cute you think the fountain can save you. Say hi to your ancestors for me!”  

“Are your eyes growing on your asshole?! Watch the minimap, Stevie Wonder!” 

“Victory!” the electronic voice resounds and a scoreboard flashes on their phone screens. Mobei-Jun glances at the MVP title under Shang Qinghua’s avatar, looks up at him and parrots, “Calm, patient, benevolent?”

Reporting all you fuckers for intentional feeding, bye. Shang Qinghua presses enter and minimises the chat box. 

“Goddess of Mercy?” Mobei-Jun raises a brow tauntingly. 

Belatedly realising he had been exhibiting his series of bad manners in front of Mobei-Jun, Shang Qinghua flushes from embarrassment and disputes, “I mean, the enemies begged for mercy… that counts.” 

Infiltrating the Moshang fan group has become a quintessential part of Shang Qinghua’s skincare routine as he browses the forum mindlessly, waiting to remove his sheet mask. After scrolling past a few discussions and fan edits, he stops at a familiar image — a dual signed poster with a chibi Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua printed on it.

@Qingqing_168: Ahhhhhhh!!!! I can’t believe they both signed it!!!! This is going to be passed down as my family heirloom!1!!1!! Q_______Q [image attached] 

The comment section is, of course, also bursting with excitement. 

 [ Everybody say it with me: MOSHANG IS RIO!!! ] 
[ Are you considering adopting a 17 year old daughter? ] 
[ THEY SAW A MOSHANG FANART AND SAID NOTHING?!?!?! SKSKSKSK ] 
[ Ancestors, hear my plea, help me not to faint from too much glee ] 
[ ISN’T THIS EQUIVALENT TO THEM ENDORSING THEIR RELATIONSHIP ] 

 @ilikebigmoobeis: I’m so jealous you got to see them up close!!! HOW DID THEY LOOK IRL?

                       @Qingqing_168: DIVINE!!! BOTH SUPER HANDSOME EVEN WITHOUT FILTER. THEY EVEN TOOK PICTURES TOGETHER AND DID FINGER HEARTS AT EACH OTHER AAAAH MY HEART!!!!! 

                       @ilikebigmoobeis: omg they’re really trying to kill us with dog food… what if they are secretly stalking this forum as we speak sksksksk

Shang Qinghua drops his phone. Mayday, Mayday! The Moshang nation is on to him! Shang Qinghua snaps out of Popcorn-Eating Mode and sucks in a panicked breath, feeling an irrational tinge of guilt. There’s nothing wrong with shipping myself with my adversary! Straight men are allowed to have internet hobbies! he argues. Retrieving his phone, he sneakily clicks “report comment” and scrolls to the next post. Not today, Satan! His secret will be safe! 

After a few more scrolls, he comes across another post gaining a lot of attention in the community. Proclaiming to be an “industry insider”, the poster recounts their “first-hand” encounter with Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua: 

@BasicallyAFurbo: I’m working at the set on The Red Eye Patch Ghost and I often see the two of them hanging out and having their meals together. There was one time I caught Shang Qinghua leaning on Mobei-Jun’s shoulder and whining about being tired on set, and another time where Mobei-Jun saved Shang Qinghua from a loose prop hanging on the wall. Uuuwuuuuwuuu it’s too sweet!!! If only I had pictures to show everyone1!!!

What?! Shang Qinghua yells. OOC warning! OOC warning! Since when did those things ever happen?! Also, if you want to lie, Furbo-san, at least craft one that is closer to real life! Get your facts right — I was the one who protected Mobei-Jun, not the other way round, okay?! Why are all these fans assuming that Shang Qinghua is always the damsel in distress! Mobei-Jun is obviously the damsel between them and Shang Qinghua is the beast! He needs to put an end to this false narrative! 

@ShootingAirplane: I think you got the story wrong, SQH was the one who saved MBJ on set. And also, SQH is a manly man and would not “lean on Mobei-Jun’s shoulder and whine about being tired on set”. Your story’s faker than some boobs on Pornhub.  

                     @BasicallyAFurbo: Lol how would you know? Were you there on set?

Yes?! I’m literally the protagonist of said story?! Shang Qinghua wants to type but holds himself back. 

                     @ShootingAirplane: You shouldn’t let your overflowing imagination go to waste, I think you should be a Wattpad author. MBJ and SQH only dined together once for dinner, okay. Everyone stop believing Furbo, they are lying!!! Their fan account is fake!!!! 

The community, as expected, does not take his argument too seriously, seeing that @BasicallyAFurbo has been in the fan group for a much longer time, and has already built a rapport with the other members. Just as Shang Qinghua is about to launch Round 2 of his argument, a notification pops up on screen: 

[You have been kicked from the group ]

Shang Qinghua’s sheet mask falls off and he balks disbelievingly at the seven words flashing on screen. Is he the first celebrity in history to be kicked out of his own fan group?! If embarrassment is an Olympic sport, Shang Qinghua would definitely be a triple medalist. He knew he shouldn’t have listened to his primary school teacher’s advice! When Shang Qinghua’s teacher said he could be whoever he wanted to be when he grows up, he clearly did not account for Shang Qinghua being an embarrassment to himself. 

Huffing indignantly, Shang Qinghua rolls up his sleeve, ready to send in a ten-pages long, strongly-worded email to appeal against his wrongful exile from the Moshang Nation. 

Just then, Zhuzhi-Lang pops into the waiting room with an announcement. 

“The company has decided to bind you and Mobei-Jun together.”

Shang Qinghua dramatically spins towards his assistant. “What?”

“The photos of you and Mobei-Jun during the fanmeet have been circulating on Weibo Hot Topic, and the company has decided to leverage on the buzz and market both of you as an on-screen ship,” he elaborates, eyeing Shang Qinghua’s constipated expression. 

“I…” Shang Qinghua stutters, unable to comprehend this cataclysmic twist of events. What is this divine power helping him? When one Weibo fan group door closes another shipping door opens? 

A flurry of thoughts crosses Shang Qinghua’s mind and he realises a grave problem: while the fans who came to the fanmeet previously were somewhat accepting of Shang Qinghua, they remain the small minority of Mobei-Jun’s fan base. The majority of Mobei-Jun’s fans, unfortunately, are still of the belief that Shang Qinghua is the devil-reincarnate and is plotting for the actor’s demise! 

“This is a horrible idea!” Shang Qinghua wails, fighting against the urge to pull his hair out.  

Isn’t this just putting him up for more negativity from Mobei-Jun’s fans? He can already hear the Weibo comments criticising that Shang Qinghua is a shameless, conniving and manipulative son of a bitch using Mobei-Jun for clout! Or the general public calling them shameless and disgusting for their display of homosexual baiting! Shang Qinghua lights a candle for his short-lived career — goodbye entertainment industry, it was mediocre while it lasted. Shang Qinghua is going to have to live out the rest of his existence in Saturn where no one will recognise him. He hopes the extraterrestrials aren’t fans of Mobei-Jun. 

He glares at Zhuzhi-Lang resentfully. “Who came up with this plan?!” 

Zhuzhi-Lang coughs and hesitantly replies, “... the CEO.” 

“W-what?!” Shang Qinghua exclaims, doing a double-take at Zhuzhi-Lang seeking confirmation. “Tianlang-Jun?!”

Zhuzhi-Lang nods solemnly, recalling the conversation he had with their boss. “He said… something about it ‘being like an enemies-to-lovers story’ and the fans would bound to gobble it up?” 

“...” 

“He seemed really happy about the plan,” Zhuzhi-Lang adds. 

“...”

“Also, he scheduled a livestream for you and Mobei-Jun tonight.” 

“...”

Does Tianlang-Jun think he’s writing an AO3 fanfiction?!  

Shang Qinghua sinks into the couch as hard as he sinks into desolation. It is one thing for him to be the secret number one shipper of Moshang because it’s his only sanctuary from the harsh waters of the cyberworld, but it is another to openly and blatantly milk it in public and actively perform it for an audience! Why does Shang Qinghua feel like he is letting down the Moshang Nation with such an disingenuous act? Shang Qinghua is used to being a disappointment but not at such a big scale! 

He takes a deep breath to ground himself and asks, “Does… Mobei-Jun know…?” 

Zhuzhi-Lang quirks his head in question. “About the livestream?” 

“About the… on-screen… ship thing…” Shang Qinghua replies. Mobei-Jun is such a straight-laced heterosexual man, Shang Qinghua is sure he will never consent to it! 

Zhuzhi-Lang admits, “I’m not sure.” 

Shang Qinghua groans, feeling like judgement day is upon him. Is Mobei-Jun the kind of man who will go along with a suggestively homosexual marketing strategy for close to zero benefits? 

Shang Qinghua soon finds out that the answer is: no. 

Nothing seems amiss with Mobei-Jun, Shang Qinghua notes, when he enters Mobei-Jun’s hotel room. Mobei-Jun makes no comment about the on-screen couple situation as they set up the livestream, leading Shang Qinghua to hypothesise that maybe the company did not tell him about their plans in fear of Mobei-Jun rejecting it. Shang Qinghua is comforted by that thought. At least it’ll be less odd for the both of them. 

After hours of arduous deliberation Shang Qinghua had with himself earlier, he has come up with a brilliant game plan — that is to simply not follow the company’s directives and follow his heart instead. And his heart tells him that he mustn't betray the Moshang nation! 

Shang Qinghua’s strategy is fairly straightforward: during the livestream, he is going to behave like the least homosexual person on the planet — his father — to silently protest against the company’s whacked out marketing campaign. He is not going to make things weird for him and Mobei-Jun! Especially with their frail and newly established colleague-ship! Feeling a sense of dread regarding the whole ordeal, Shang Qinghua lets out a deep sigh and takes his seat next to Mobei-Jun. 

“Ready?” Mobei-Jun turns to Shang Qinghua, finger hovering over the start button. 

Shang Qinghua nods his assent and the livestream begins. Within seconds, Mobei-Jun’s fans  pour into the room and the comment barrage is filled with commenters saying hi and screaming about how thrilled they are. 

[ Oh my god, it’s really MBJ!!!!! IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS SINCE HE DID A LIVESTREAM I AM ALREADY A GRANDMOTHER WITH THREE GRANDKIDS ] 
[ damn the visuals in this one frame… screenshotting this for wallpaper usage ] 
[ HI DADDY MOBEI!1!!!! YOUR MOBEBIES ARE HERE ] 
[ Qinghua my son!!!! Huathehell reporting for duty!! ] 
[ Humans really did go through six millions years of evolution for the sole purpose of crafting MBJ *heart eyes* ] 

Sandwiched between the 70% of comments appraising how hot Mobei-Jun is lies the ever-present crowd of netizens who are dead-set on Shang Qinghua being the culmination of all evil. 

[ yikes why is SQH here too, get out of the stream!! ] 
[ First he casts black magic on MBJ, now he is making use of his popularity?! The shamelessness of some people… ] 
[ MBJ blink twice if u r coerced to do this… ] 

Luckily, those comments are either swiftly removed by moderators or drowned out by the fervent voices of Mobei-Jun’s fans who could care less about the “ongoing rivalry” in favour of drooling at Mobei-Jun. Shang Qinghua have seen and expected worse, so this is barely a scratch on Shang Qinghua’s armour, with all things considered. 

His confidence level takes a dive, however, when he spots a few alarming comments hidden amongst the incessant waves of words floating past the screen. Amongst the viewers, there is a sparse group of brave warriors emerging from the deep Nether declaring their one true passion in life — Moshang.

[ *whispers carefully into the void* pssssst, moshang gang, is anyone here?? ] 
[ *whispers from the void* pssst gang member #2 is here!!! I’ve finally found a comrade TT__TT  ] 
[ I’ve never had a dream come true, until the day i found (this livestream) ] 

Shang Qinghua’s heart shoots to his throat and he disguises his pang of panic with a cough. Oh my god, please don’t let Mobei-Jun see those comments! He would probably be so disgusted by it that he punches Shang Qinghua so hard that Shang Qinghua ends up in hell. Not wanting to end up in hell yet, Shang Qinghua deliberately avoids reading out those comments and puts on his Professional Smile. “Hi, everyone, welcome to the livestream!”

Mobei-Jun, who is never on the same page as Shang Qinghua, of course, eyes the comments and asks, “What is ‘Moshang’?”

Chapter Text

Shang Qinghua thinks he must have been Mobei-Jun’s cheating spouse in his previous life and Mobei-Jun is now here to collect the debt. He takes back everything he has said — Mobei-Jun is indisputably his adversary because that man seems bent on making his life a living hell. Shang Qinghua doesn’t recall wearing red spandex panties today so why is Mobei-Jun acting like his kryptonite?! 

He is sweating oceans under his armpits as he lies, “It-it-it’s a typo.” 

Mobei-Jun turns to him questioningly. 

“Um, I think they meant… Mojang, you know?” Shang Qinghua explains feebly, gesticulating with his hands, “Like, you know, Minecraft? Mojang?” 

Mobei-Jun’s brows crease in confusion and Shang Qinghua continues spinning his tale. “They’re probably asking if you play Minecraft.” 

Mobei-Jun turns back to the propped phone and answers very solemnly, “I don’t play Minecraft.” 

Shang Qinghua holds himself back from laughing at Mobei-Jun’s solemn countenance. Hallelujah, thank God Mobei-Jun is a wooden straight man and ‘Titanic’ is probably the only ship name in his mind library!  

Lucky for Shang Qinghua, Moshang fans remain the minority of the viewers and their comments are quickly overshadowed by the larger crowd of Mobei-Jun’s fans lusting over their icy male god. 

To prevent Mobei-Jun from unraveling his flimsy lie, Shang Qinghua employs his favourite Sun Tzu’s war tactic — distraction. He quickly reads out a comment at random, “Mobei-Jun, why do your lips look so lusciously red and juicy, what shade do you use?” 

Shang Qinghua instantly regrets being born with a mouth as a wave of burning embarrassment crawls up his face. What kind of shameful comment did he just read out?! This feels like an episode of Buzzfeed’s “Celebrities Reading Thirst Tweets” except that this is not voluntary! Shang Qinghua is a good christian boy and does not want to be associated with this publicly! 

However, as usual, Mobei-Jun is not tuning in to the same channel as Shang Qinghua and finds nothing vexing about the comment. He mulls over the question and answers honestly, “I don’t wear shades very often. I have a couple of Ray-Ban and Thom Browne sunglasses.” 

“...” Shang Qinghua gapes at Mobei-Jun incredulously, fighting the urge to slap him across the face to wake him up. Mobei-Jun, that is obviously not what the viewer meant! Is Mobei-Jun such a straight man that he does not even know what lipstick shades are? (Shang Qinghua’s is DIOR Addict Lip Glow in the shade 012 Rosewood) To think Shang Qinghua was worried about Mobei-Jun knowing the company’s plans for them to be gay-baiting. From the way the actor is behaving, it is likely Mobei-Jun cannot even differentiate a queue from a queer so Shang Qinghua is safe to carry out his plan. 

Operation No Way No Gay is a go! 

Unaware of Shang Qinghua’s colourful thoughts, Mobei-Jun reads out another comment dutifully. “What filter are you using, why do you two look so perfect? How is your skin so smooth?”  

He frowns and turns to Shang Qinghua. “What is a filter?” 

“...” Shang Qinghua wants to smack him with a slipper. This is a little too much! Is Mobei-Jun a straight man or a straight man who time travelled from 160 BC?! Does Mobei-Jun wear a deer skin pelt or not know who Issac Newton is either? The audacity of this man to say he does not know what a filter is! Does he also think an elevator is a moving box and television a talking rectangle? 

[ Hahahahahahahaha dying at MBJ’s straight man disease ] 
[ way to flex it in our face that you look superior even without filter, mobei-jun Q_Q ]
[ mbj have you washed your face today? I want to make sure my seat is clean ] 
[ is it me or does SQH suddenly look so gay next to MBJ sksksksk ] 
[ omg you are right lmao he does look pretty twinky-winky ] 

The alarm bells in Shang Qinghua’s brain rings as he scans the comment barrage and almost slams the table in indignation. Him? Sigma Male Number One? Looking gay??? Indeed, fruity is in the eye of the fruit-holder! Just because Mobei-Jun is severely lacking in common knowledge about makeup and contemporary camera functions does not mean Shang Qinghua is less straight than him! Shang Qinghua is straighter than the line on his ancestor’s heart rate monitor, how dare they! 

He squints at the man next to him vindictively. Shang Qinghua is supposed to be the one acting like a cishet straight man on 4Chan — why is Mobei-Jun beating him at his own game?! In a fit of bitterness, Shang Qinghua decides: toxic masculinity? Who doesn’t know how to do that?! 

Shang Qinghua’s acting might be a 2/10 on his best day but he would give his world-class performance in the next ten minutes a Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson out of ten for how hard he flexes his heterosexuality when answering questions from the viewers. 

“What’s your favourite TV show?”

“The finance segment on 7pm News,” Shang Qinghua remarks. 

“Who’s your favourite musician?” 

“Donald Trump.” 

“What’s your favourite food?” 

“Chicken breast and protein shake.”

“What do you do in your free time?” 

“Lifting weights,” Shang Qinghua answers unflinchingly. 

At that, Mobei-Jun, who has been quiet the entire time, quirks a brow at him. “Lifting weights?” he echoes. 

Shang Qinghua flicks his metaphorical hair over his shoulders with an unfounded confidence. “What? You’re not the only one who goes to a gym! I happen to be a premium member of Anywhere Fitness.” 

Mobei-Jun presses his lips together, fighting off the upwards curl of his lips. After composing himself, he corrects, “You mean, Anytime Fitness?” 

Oh, so now Mobei-Jun’s Common Knowledge Library is open for business? Where was this perceptiveness ten minutes ago when Mobei-Jun was acting like he newly transmigrated from a power fantasy xianxia web novel?

“Slip of the tongue,” Shang Qinghua shamelessly counters, averting his eyes and rubbing his nose. “Have been working too hard on the triceps and skipped tongue day.” 

Eyes gleaming with amusement, Mobei-Jun hums in acknowledgement before probing, “So how many kilograms do you lift?” 

Shang Qinghua side-eyes Mobei-Jun, not liking the vibe he is picking up. Shifting on the couch, he answers cryptically, “Probably more than you.” 

As though waiting for that exact statement, Mobei-Jun easily returns, “Okay, then you can lift me.” 

Shang Qinghua’s neck snaps towards him so hard he could moonlight as a chiropractor. “What?!”  

“Lift me,” Mobei-Jun repeats.

Lift you like one of your french girls? Shang Qinghua ignores the stutter in his chest and frowns. “Why would I lift you?” 

“Didn’t you say your hobby is lifting weights? You can demonstrate it to the viewers,” Mobei-Jun reasons. 

Shang Qinghua wants to drop him into a pool of lava. He will not stand for Mobei-Jun belittling him as though Shang Qinghua has never stepped foot into a gym! Shang Qinghua, has in fact, been to a gym! His longest record at the gym is five minutes and his favourite equipment is the vending machine. As the maxim goes: if you love something, let it go — and fitness happens to be Shang Qinghua’s passion. So it is with immense heartache that Shang Qinghua stops visiting the gym at his condominium to buy a can of coke. Shang Qinghua is that selfless of a lover. 

Squinting his eyes menacingly at the actor, Shang Qinghua huffs flippantly, “Fine.”

It can’t be that hard! Shang Qinghua thinks to himself. Shang Qinghua has carried a bag of ice from the convenience store to his place before, this should be the same thing, right? With an air of determination, Shang Qinghua rises from his seat and comes face to face with the taller man. He glances at Mobei-Jun’s look of suppressed mirth and declares grandly, “Hold onto your panties and witness an explosion of testosterones.”

Before Mobei-Jun can respond, Shang Qinghua bends low, weaves his right arm behind Mobei-Jun’s knees and his left around Mobei-Jun’s shoulders, and hoists the man up with all the strength of his inner Hercules. As he straightens his knees to stand upright, he feels the sinking weight of Mobei-Jun heavy on his forearms. For a moment, Shang Qinghua has the impression that his veins are about to pop from the pressure but his dignity forces him to keep it together. He peers down at Mobei-Jun, who looks absolutely uncomfortable in his arms, and gloats, “See? It’s not that difficult—” 

It is that difficult. 

In the next moment, Shang Qinghua’s arms deflate like a flaccid penis during that one time his father caught him masturbating to a JAV. Thrown off his balance,  Shang Qinghua yelps as he topples sideways, sending both him and Mobei-Jun plunging towards the couch. They end up in a mess of tangled limbs and squashed bodies — Shang Qinghua sprawled atop Mobei-Jun, right arm wedged under his very firm buttocks. Their faces are mere inches apart, and Shang Qinghua feels his cheeks flushing and throat closing off when their eyes incidentally meet. 

Mobei-Jun, who does not seem at all perturbed by their current circumstance, elects to continue taunting, “Your hobby is weight lifting?” 

In the wise words of Professor Oak, "There's a time and place for everything but not now!" Is this really the time or position to be having a conversation, Mobei-Jun?! Shang Qinghua cannot tell whether his face is burning from embarrassment or anger, but ignoring Mobei-Jun’s jibe, he makes futile attempts to wiggle out of this highly inappropriate arrangement. “Get off!”  

Appearing unfittingly at ease with the situation, Mobei-Jun calmly offers, “Alright, I’ll help you get off.” 

Shang Qinghua attempts to pull his arm out from Mobei-Jun’s behind, but it remains stuck under the actor’s weight. The panic in his chest rockets as the movement of pulling his arm out enables him to be keenly aware of how Mobei-Jun’s ass feels in his palm. This is all too much for Shang Qinghua’s pea-sized shipper brain! Is he supposed to be freaked out or go all out?! He subtly squeezes the mound of flesh one last time. This would be a good reference for his fanfict— shut up Shang Qinghua, now is not the time! Regaining his senses, he yells, “Move your butt! How is this helping me get off?!” 

“Hold on.” 

“Why aren’t you getting off?!” 

The microphone picks up rustling noises. 

“Oh my god, why is it so hard to get off?!” 

While the two actors are passionately getting each other off, the livestream viewers have descended into utter madness. 

[ I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT PLEASE DON’T LET IT STOP ] 
[ SQH have you tried viagra? ] 
[ omg this is such a mess i am cackling ] 
[ I am only an innocent child!!! Am I allowed to hear this??? ] 
[ MOM I SWEAR THIS IS NOT WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE ] 
[ Moshang nation are you seeing this…. We are eating good tonight ] 
[ Come on MBJ! Work harder to help SQH get off! ] 
[ mobabe, would you like my copy of “Sex for Dummies”? ] 
[ I want this clip to be played on endless repeat at my funeral ] 
[ OUR TIME HAS COME, RISE UP MY FELLOW HOMO SAILORS ] 

It takes them a couple minutes of figuring out quantum physics and Dalton's law of partial pressure to disentangle themselves from each other and successfully sit back at their respective spots. Shang Qinghua takes deep breaths to calm himself down and combs his finger through his hair to smooth out the frizziness. 

As Mobei-Jun watches the movement, he advises, “Practice harder.” 

Shang Qinghua resists the urge to lift Mobei-Jun and throw him out the window. 

Ever since their romp on the couch, it is as if something has clicked in Mobei-Jun, and the man decided to spread his vagina flaps and soar out freely into the cool gay air without a care in the world. Gone is Mobei-Jun’s steel-pipe-straight-man response from earlier, and in comes a Gaylord Mobei-Jun who might as well be waving a rainbow flag while singing It’s Raining Men.

“How has the filming of The Red Eye-Patch Ghost been like?”

“It is made better with Qinghua,” Mobei-Jun answers.

“How is it like working with each other?”

“ Qinghua is very cute and fun to work with,” Mobei-Jun compliments. 

If Shang Qinghua isn’t the very person Mobei-Jun is describing, he would have absolutely believed that this entire segment is a paid promotion to advertise himself. He gawks at the actor uncomprehendingly until it finally hits him — Mobei-Jun does know the hidden agenda behind the livestream! But why is Mobei-Jun suddenly playing along now?! 

“What do you save each other’s contacts as?”

Mobei-Jun fishes out his phone to check and when Shang Qinghua glimpses over his shoulder, he sees a familiar photo of himself in a dimly-lit alley, caught in an unflattering moment and looking clearly stupefied. It is the exact photo Mobei-Jun had sneakily taken of him the other day after dinner, except that Mobei-Jun has cropped most of the picture to zoom in on his fuddled expression and leaving out the cigarette stick between Shang Qinghua’s fingers. 

Shang Qinghua’s eyes widen as he points accusingly at the photo. “Why is that your contact picture?!” 

Mobei-Jun, unfazed by the complaint, answers matter-of-factly, “It’s the only photo I have of you.” 

“...” Shang Qinghua is speechless. How does Mobei-Jun come up with a statement that both makes sense and not make sense in equal measures?! 

To Shang Qinghua’s relief, the livestream ends shortly after, and they conclude the video with a standard closing statement. Shang Qinghua sinks back into the couch the moment the screen goes black and he exhales with the gloom of someone who has been through a thousand wars — which is close enough to what he has gone through. 

He shoots a displeased side-eye at Mobei-Jun, disgruntled that his plan has been an utter bust. What happened to being a manly heterosexual man, Mobei-Jun?! It was all well and good at the start where they were both acting like No Homo Straight Bros but how did the channel abruptly switch from Brazzers to bangbangboys.com¹?! They say “when there’s a will there’s way” but it really should have been “when there’s a Mobei-Jun there’s a gay”! If they had spent another minute on the couch, they would have to host their stream on Chaturbate instead! 

Shang Qinghua can already imagine all the two hundred different dirty things Moshang fans are going to do with that five-minute clip of them on the couch. He can already envision the explosion of GIFs, NSFW edits, pink-filtered AMVs and explicit fanfiction that is going to fill the Moshang Nation group. Shang Qinghua is very conflicted — on one hand, MOSHANG IS RIO! But on the other hand, he knows that Moshang is not rio because this whole livestream is an orchestrated ploy from their company and Mobei-Jun is only playing his part out of obligation. 

To ship or not to ship, that is the question Shang Qinghua dwells on as his phone rings and jolts him out of this raging conflict. He sees the name “CEO Song” flashing on screen and excuses himself, shuffling to the other end of the room to take the call. Mobei-Jun’s eyes silently trail after him. 

He picks up the call and greets in soft voice, “Hello, Mr. Song?” 

“Mm, I’ve eaten.” 

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

“No, don’t come to the set! Don’t let them see you.” 

“I still have money… no, you don’t have to transfer me more…” 

“Book a room? I think it's better not to…” 

“Okay, I’ll come visit when I have the time.”

 Shang Qinghua hangs up, runs his fingers through his hair and pads back to the couch. He grabs his bag and glances at Mobei-Jun, who is staring at him with a complicated expression. Shang Qinghua looks down at himself. Yes, his pants are zipped — so why does Mobei-Jun look like he just fell into an unflushed toilet? He blinks and cautiously voices, “If… that is all… I’ll be heading off first?” 

Sitting up from the couch, the expression on Mobei-Jun’s face morphs from complicated to constipated as he asks with an uncharacteristic uncertainty, “How… long has it been like that?” 

Shang Qinghua’s brows furrow uncomprehendingly. How long has what been? Forced to act gay in front of the cameras? “Isn’t it only recently?” he returns.

Mobei-Jun’s lips flatten. “And you are okay with that?” 

Does Shang Qinghua have the option to not be okay with it? Tianlang-Jun is the one signing his pay cheque every month! Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel can defy gravity but Shang Qinghua cannot defy the power of capitalism! He is only a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world, dress him up, make him tight, he’s a dolly! Thinking about the special edition Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch console sitting in his shopping cart, Shang Qinghua sighs, “What choice do I have?” 

Shang Qinghua doesn’t need Mobei-Jun to remind him of how he has dishonoured himself, his cow and the Moshang nation with his unprincipled ways!  

The air around Mobei-Jun seems to drop by several degrees as he ruminates upon Shang Qinghua’s reply. “Is there a way for you to end it?” 

Shang Qinghua should have guessed it — Mobei-Jun being the uncooked spaghetti that he is, is definitely unable to carry out Operation Homo Alliance for more than a few hours before his manly balls start shrivelling up in heterosexual panic. Shang Qinghua feels a mild tinge of sympathy for the actor. It must be hard for Mobei-Jun to lower himself like that for Shang Qinghua. 

“You can do it,” Shang Qinghua suggests. Mobei-Jun’s words would probably hold more weight in the company’s eyes as opposed to the concerns coming from a c-lister like Shang Qinghua himself. If Mobei-Jun wants to dissolve this wayward marketing campaign, it would probably be more effective for him to speak with Tianlang-Jun directly instead. Take one for the team, Mobei-Jun! 

“Me…?” Mobei-Jun parrots incredulously. 

Shang Qinghua nods. “You could probably do it.” He lands a reassuring hand on Mobei-Jun’s shoulder. “I have faith in you.” 

Mobei-Jun glances at the hand on his shoulder and back at Shang Qinghua again. He is silent for two beats before relenting. “I will consider it.” 

Shang Qinghua grins, happy to push the responsibility of negotiating with Tianlang-Jun on Mobei-Jun. If the on-screen cp arrangement is annulled, Shang Qinghua will be able to hold his head up high in the Moshang Nation again! 

“Okay, then it’s settled!” He swings his bag over his shoulders and waves. “See you on set.” 

Mobei-Jun hums and fishes out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes, deep in thought. 

As Shang Qinghua jumps into bed after a hot shower, ready to forget his existence, a clear ding on his phone interrupts his fantasy. A message notification from his Weibo side account pops up. Curious, he taps into the app. 

DrizzleMist: T____T Airplane-dada we are so sorry for kicking
you out of the group!!! Forgive our obtuse ignorance *crying face*
Pls come back and bless us with your dog food!!!!!! 

ShootingAirplane: ???

DrizzleMist: You were right all along!!! 

MBJ mentioned in the livestream
About him & SQH only having dinner tgt once 
which was what you said before!!!
You’re really working in the industry???
Sorry for not believing in you, pls come back to the group T___T 

Shang Qinghua slams his fist down in victory. See! He knew they would regret their decisions! He rubs his hands together evilly and grabs a bucket — time to milk this while he can. 

[ DrizzleMist invites you to join “Moshang Nation” ]

ShootingAirplane: if i come back, will you change the
group name to Shangmo Nation? 

DrizzleMist: let’s not ask god for the impossible

Shang Qinghua sulks at the dry cow. This is not the warm reception he thought he would receive! Nonetheless, accepts the invitation because he is a forgiving and magnanimous man. It’s totally not because he has been starved and desperate for Moshang content. 

DrizzleMist: Welcome back Airplane-dada! \^_^/
If you don’t mind me asking… 
What’s your position on set? 

Still feeling mildly miffed about the fan group’s lack of faith in Shang Qinghua being a dominant top, he types: 

ShootingAirplane: a reverse cowgirl

DrizzleMist: ????
what?

ShootingAirplane: a wardrobe assistant

DrizzleMist: OH Omg???? Does that mean you’re
up close and personal with them???????  

ShootingAirplane: yes, i help sqh wear underwear daily

DrizzleMist: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And God said, Let there be light in Shang Qinghua’s life: and there was Moshang. Done with fooling around, Shang Qinghua exits the message tab and joyfully rewards himself with some Moshang fanfiction after a hard day at work. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #61 

The company informed me about their plans to couple up my adversary and I on screen. I do not understand their intentions behind it but nonetheless, I kept my doubts unvoiced. They have scheduled a livestream for both of us tonight to propagate this plan. I wonder what my adversary thinks about this. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #62

I did not comply with the company’s orders and deliberately acted the contrary. It appeared that my adversary had the same intention as I do as he muddled through asked questions with falsehood. It was extremely amusing to witness. 

However, as I watched my adversary prattle on, a wicked impulse sprouted within me to impede his objective. It was the most arduous of tasks to restrain my laughter while watching him struggle to execute his groundless claims. It is cute when he tries but fails to hide his fluster and it makes me want to prod him more. 

Before I knew it, I had accidentally carried out the company’s plan. But I suppose it is a satisfactory exchange for the series of events that transpired. My adversary is truly an interesting person. 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #63
I overheard the conversation my adversary had over the phone. I do not want to believe it initially but after inquiring, he has confirmed my supposition: 

My adversary has a sponsor. 

He said this sponsor was fairly new, so does that mean he had several others in the past? That would explain his involvement in a considerable amount of projects despite his… lukewarm performance. He said he did not have a choice due to his unremarkable skills. Somehow this discovery claws at me. I am aware having a sponsor is a fairly common occurrence in the industry, but why does his irk me so much? 

Towards the end of our conversation, he suggested that I help him. What does he mean by it? What could I do to help? I need a smoke break to examine this.  

Excerpt from Diary Entry #64
Finished the first stick. After much consideration, I have figured out what my adversary was implying: 

He meant for me to take over the role of his current sugar daddy and be his new sponsor instead. I am baffled by the request. Does he trust me to be a worthier giver than his current sponsor? 

I have been approached by other men in the past, and their advances leave me feeling nothing but disgust. Yet, my adversary’s proposition has me curious – how is being together with a man similar or different to that of a woman? 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #65
On my second stick. 

The thought of my adversary coddling up to a lecherous old man for resources ignites a palpable rage in me. Mayhaps I should coach him in acting? That way, he wouldn’t have to resort to seeking acting opportunities through underhanded methods? 

Excerpt from Diary Entry #66
Finished the third stick. 

I decided to accept my adversary’s solicitation. 

I did my research and searched for what others do in a homosexual relationship. The results were… informative. I considered it and discovered that I do not oppose to the idea of holding my adversary’s hand or taking care of him. I will have to do more research on what being a sponsor entails, but as of now, I have a few upcoming projects I could redirect to him. 

I will have to work harder to provide for him now that there are two mouths to feed. 

Chapter Text

Shang Qinghua is a man without much expectations in life; partly because he does not have the necessary organs or anatomy to be expecting, but also because his sole ambition in life is to be able to eat malatang every single day without developing chronic hemorrhoids. So it is with extreme astonishment that when Shang Qinghua returns to set a couple days later, he sees Mobei-Jun sitting primly in his waiting room like the man were Hachiko-reborn and Shang Qinghua his owner. 

“Uh…” Shang Qinghua says as a form of greeting as he sets his bag down and eyes the ostentatious pink helium balloon bouquet next to Mobei-Jun. 

Mobei-Jun wordlessly hands it to him and Shang Qinghua reflexively grabs the plastic ribbon in hand. He peers at the sparkly champagne pink balloons and back at Mobei-Jun again. “Thanks…?” 

Mobei-Jun nods in acknowledgement before reaching for a cake box and a cup of bubble tea resting on the coffee table and presents it to Shang Qinghua. “You said you liked sweets. I’m not sure which flavour you’d enjoy so I got a few,” the actor explains, opening the box to present three slices of fancy artisanal cakes. Mobei-Jun also holds up a cup of bubble tea from the brand Shang Qinghua often frequents, with the exact customisation he prefers. 

“Uh…” Shang Qinghua repeats articulately, unsure of what the hell is going on. Is this what they call “life imitates art”? Has Shang Qinghua been reading too much Moshang fanfiction that his life has somehow become a low quality imitation of a Wattpad fanfic?

As Shang Qinghua ruminates on the possibility of him becoming a better actor if he reads enough actors!AU, Mobei-Jun’s look of sincerity falters at Shang Qinghua’s unresponsiveness. He studies Shang Qinghua’s flabbergasted face and asks, “Is this… not good?” 

Snapping out of his reverie, Shang Qinghua waves his arms in alarm. “Oh, no no! It’s great!” he quickly refutes. “Sugar, yes please! Would you come and put it down on me?” 

Mobei-Jun stares at him in mild confusion. 

Shang Qinghua coughs sheepishly and eyes the dessert box.  “But… why are you suddenly, umm… showering me with gifts?” 

“Is this not customary?” Mobei-Jun asks in return. 

Customary of what? Customary of where?! Shang Qinghua wants to ask but the look of caution –– and if he might be presumptuous –– nervousness on Mobei-Jun’s face has a magical effect on his tongue so he settles for answering a question with another question. “It is?” 

Mobei-Jun nods and narrates in a slow voice, “I thought about what you said the other day and decided to accept this new status.”

Shang Qinghua blinks. What is Mobei-Jun talking about?! The other day? Does he mean that night they recorded the livestream? The amount of things Shang Qinghua says in a day is more than the entire Terracotta Army so what exactly is Mobei-Jun referring to? 

He scrunches his face in concentration as he thinks back on the events from that day… 

Him princess-carrying Mobei-Jun? 

Their romp on the couch? 

The difficulties of getting off? 

Oh! A bulb flickers in Shang Qinghua’s mind. Mobei-Jun asked him for advice to cease Homo Operation Alliance! So if Mobei-Jun is now saying that he decided to accept this new status… does that mean Mobei-Jun agrees to continue with this fake CP ploy?! 

Shang Qinghua’s eyes dart to Mobei-Jun incredulously. What happened to Mobei-Jun over the course of two days? Did he suddenly find the door to gay Narnia and discovered a whole new world? A new fantastic point of view? A dazzling place he never knew?  

Shang Qinghua clears his throat. “Oh, that.” Shang Qinghua rubs his neck awkwardly and inquires, “Are you sure about that?” 

Mobei-Jun nods firmly. “I’m sure.” 

“It’s not going to be easy… there’ll be––” many netizens online tell you you are a disgusting fag “lots of dissenting voices,” Shang Qinghua finishes.  

“I am aware of the possible repercussions,” Mobei-Jun assures. 

As the number one fan of Moshang and the heterosexual party involved in said pairing, Shang Qinghua is feeling very conflicted about what he should be feeling. Moshang is Rio! But Moshang is not rio because Shang Qinghua is not gay? But shipping Moshang sparks so much joy that even Marie Kondo can never achieve locked in a storeroom of dressers!

It is a MENSA-level dilemma and so Shang Qinghua employs his most effective problem-solving method — skipping the question. He changes the subject. “So what’s with all the gifts? Is this some sort of initiation?” 

“Since I agreed to the role, I will perform to the best of my capabilities,” Mobei-Jun answers. 

As Shang Qinghua’s eyes dart between the gifts and the giver, a sudden revelation crosses his mind and his eyes light up in realisation –– oh, Mobei-Jun is a method actor! It all makes sense now! In order to convincingly portray the role of a couple on screen, Mobei-Jun has decided to keep up the momentum and stay in character behind the scenes as well! Shang Qinghua gapes at the actor with a newfound admiration, is this what it takes to be a good actor? No wonder Shang Qinghua has been underachieving so far! If Mobei-Jun’s next role is an overbearing CEO, does that mean he will set up his own talent agency called Northern Desert and appear on the set of every show his love interest is on and reject every screenplay with kissing scenes in them and post cringey posts on Weibo?! 

“You are very dedicated to your craft,” Shang Qinghua compliments. 

“I am still learning the ropes but I will do my best for you,” Mobei-Jun answers sincerely. 

Shang Qinghua chokes. Mobei-Jun, stop flirting with him! No wonder Mobei-Jun is a rising actor! For a split second Shang Qinghua almost believed that they were truly dating! The most dangerous creation of any society is a man who has thirty one pieces of abs and a face carved by Greek gods. Clearing his throat in an attempt to disguise his blush, Shang Qinghua nods. “Likewise. I will accommodate wherever I can.” 

Oddly, it is now Mobei-Jun’s turn to grow bashful as he says, “I… intend to take things slow. You don’t have to… lower yourself.” 

Ah, okay now it makes even more sense –– Mobei-Jun still requires more time to settle into the Gay Persona and it’s taking a lot out of him to do so. Shang Qinghua respects the hustle. 

“Okay.” Shang Qinghua smiles sympathetically and carefully extracts one of the cakes from the box. “Would you like to share?” 

“You can have them,” Mobei-Jun rejects while proffering him a folder. 

“What’s that?” Shang Qinghua asks between mouthfuls of white chocolate ganache. 

“Here are some of the projects the company has offered me. You can have a look at it and choose which ones you like,” Mobei-Jun says. 

Shang Qinghua chokes on the white chocolate ganache, coughing and ungracefully causing a trail of sticky white liquid to flow down the corner of his mouth. 

Mobei-Jun looks away pointedly. 

Roughly wiping at his mouth, Shang Qinghua exclaims, “Oh, no, no! I don’t think I can.” Is Mobei-Jun insane?! What is going to happen to Shang Qinghua if Mobebies gets word of him actually taking Mobei-Jun’s resources?! Shang Qinghua would be tied to a stake and burned at the pyre for this! Is Mobei-Jun pretending to be his fake boyfriend as a pretext for plotting his demise? Maybe Shang Qinghua is wrong all these while and Mobei-Jun does indeed see him as an adversary! Moshang is not rio afterall??? 

“You really don’t have to,” Shang Qinghua refuses, pushing the folder back to him. “I’m content with what I have.” 

Mobei-Jun frowns at Shang Qinghua’s happy-go-lucky demeanour. It seems like things are worse than he thought — Shang Qinghua is too pure of a soul to know the wrath of showbiz and has been hoodwinked by the sponsors in the past. His previous sponsors have not been giving him resources that are beneficial for his career growth and are content with letting him drift by. 

“I will arrange your future projects,” Mobei-Jun declares commandingly, “Pass me your assistant’s number.” 

“What?!” Chorus both Shang Qinghua and Zhuzhi-Lang, whose eyes are blown wide by the sudden mention of his name. 

What is this powerplay that is happening right now?! Is Mobei-Jun openly trying to sabotage Shang Qinghua’s career?! Zhuzhi-Lang thinks. 

Isn’t this CP thing a short-term arrangement, does Mobei-Jun really have to go so far? Is Mobei-Jun’s so afraid that Shang Qinghua’s poor acting will cause a dent in his image that he has to gatekeep his gigs? ! Shang Qinghua thinks. But also, oooooh what an overbearing CEO dialogue! Save it in the memory bank for future use in the Moshang fan group! 

With three people in the room tuning in to three different channels, contacts are eventually exchanged and the director soon calls for the actors to assemble on set. 

Shang Qinghua isn’t sure if this is part of the pretend boyfriend package deal or that Mobei-Jun has taken the lie he had told Shen Qingqiu seriously, but for the rest of the day, Mobei-Jun has taken it upon himself to actually mentor Shang Qinghua’s acting.  

To be completely honest, Shang Qinghua’s motivation for self-improvement is close to a zero (never say never!) but if this Buy One Boyfriend Get One Acting Coach Free deal can save him from being within a four-metre radius of the spawn of Devil Luo Binghe himself, then Shang Qinghua will gladly swipe his credit card. 

“For this segment you will need to sound chirpier,” Mobei-Jun directs, pointing at said lines on the script. “You’re supposed to be sheltered and naive, someone who hasn’t seen the darkness of the world.” 

“So like Barbie before she left Barbie Land?” 

“What?” 

“You know,” Shang Qinghua quips, waving his script around. “Before she found out about the evils of capitalism and patriarchy.” 

Mobei-Jun: “…” 

“I would be pretty upset too if one day I woke up and realised nine to five jobs are a thing after being unemployed my whole life,” Shang Qinghua comments somberly.  

“… Less pink and more 200 BC China,” Mobei-Jun finally answers. 

“Got it.” Shang Qinghua nods. 

Do you really? Mobei-Jun wonders with concern. 

Perhaps Shang Qinghua really does get it because instead of the director frustratedly massaging his temples, he settles for a look of undisguised disgust at the actor’s performance today. 

ShootingAirplane: …and MBJ also coached SQH on his acting
in between takes today. The patience in his eyes! The
meticulousness of his tips! The gentleness of his words! If Moshang
is not rio I will swallow a kilogram of enoki mushrooms
and propagate a mushroom farm!!!!  

IcedMatchaLatte: aaaaaaaah!!!! That is too sweet!!! 
MOSHANG IS RIO THE ORACLE HAS SPOKEN 

DrizzleMist: Oh yeah if I were MBJ I would totally
critique SQH’s acting too

ShootingAirplane: That’s not the point!!! Stop being a SQH anti!!! 

DrizzleMist: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i mean… 

ShootingAirplane: Moderator!!! Someone is spreading hate
comments!! Do something! 

DrizzleMist: I AM the mod 

… Well this is just rigged! Why is Shang Qinghua not the administrator of his own fan group?!  

Excerpt from Diary Entry #68

It is my first day as my adversary’s sponsor and after a discussion, he has agreed to take things slow. I kept my word and fed him, provided resources and helped him with his acting. I think I did pretty alright for my first day on the job. 

Mental note to self: Shang Qinghua likes sweets, Barbie, and using his phone. 

I wonder what he is doing on his phone because he is always smiling at it… is it presumptuous to think he is watching videos of me again? I am pretty sure I saw my name on the screen when I walked past him. 

He seems to really like me. A heart is a heavy burden. I will try my best to reciprocate his feelings. 

Chapter Text

Shang Qinghua feels like he is back in high school again where he is staring blankly at his Chinese tutor as language suddenly becomes a foreign concept to him. 

As Mobei-Jun wholeheartedly attempts to explain the intricacies of the next scene they will be shooting,  Shang Qinghua contemplates for a split second whether he should give up his Chinese citizenship to move to Yapan where he is the utmost fluent at Yappanese. But that thought is very quickly demolished because somewhere along the way, Shang Qinghua gets distracted by Mobei-Jun’s unfair facial features and forgets about Yapan. And the breakdown Mobei-Jun is giving him. It’s all Mobei-Jun’s fault, Shang Qinghua will not be held accountable for getting distracted by Mobei-Jun’s unconducive facial features. 

“Do you understand?” he suddenly hears Mobei-Jun ask and jolts back to attention. Shang Qinghua’s eyes dart down to his script and up at Mobei-Jun again and answers with an unfounded confidence, “Yes.” 

Shang Qinghua can sense the unconvinced sigh from Mobei-Jun before he hears it. “Two minutes break,” his mentor says, picking up his water bottle, “and then we’ll go through it again.” 

Shang Qinghua gives Mobei-Jun two mental thumbs up at his dedication towards method acting. For the past week since Mobei-Jun’s induction to the fay (fake gay) side, the man has relentlessly given him crash courses on how to better deliver his lines, emote appropriately or move in a certain way. He has also formed the habit of having their meal breaks together, bringing Shang Qinghua drinks or desserts from time to time. If they were in Undertale, Mobei-Jun definitely has enough determination to defeat Asriel twenty times over. 

Zhuzhi-Lang was wary of Mobei-Jun’s sudden kindness at first. For the first few days, he had secretly tested the food with a silver needle when Mobei-Jun wasn’t looking, much to Shang Qinghua’s bemusement. After finding nothing conclusive, his last bit of defence falters and Zhuzhi-Lang, like any millennial Asian man, succumbs to the temptation of the devil’s fruit — free bubble tea. 

“Quick, take more,” Zhuzhi-Lang said to him once, shoving bags of fried sesame balls in his hand with the urgency of a TikToker buying a Stanley Cup. “We’ll bankrupt him through free food.” 

“Even if we replace every single testicle in the world with a sesame ball, it’ll still not be enough to bankrupt him I’m afraid,” Shang Qinghua laments, quashing Zhuzhi-Lang’s Thanos-level, evil master plan.

Shang Qinghua pulls himself out of the recollection and decides to ruminate on something far more imperative — summarising the events of this week for the Moshang group later. Who cares if Mobei-Jun is just method acting! A dog food that feeds is a dog food indeed! He leans against the wall of the studio corridor, grinning in satisfaction at the script he is concocting in his head. As he is halfway through the third paragraph, he feels a cold finger on his cheek.

!!! 

Shang Qinghua whips his head around and comes eye to eye with Mobei-Jun, who is looking at him intently. His eyes widen in alarm as he unblinkingly watches the man’s face slowly inch towards his own, eye line drifting down Shang Qinghua’s face. 

Nani the fuck is going on?!

Shang Qinghua unconsciously presses himself back against the wall, trying to put distance between them but his Moshang counterpart follows along, eyes still trained on the lower half of his face. 

Mayday, mayday, panic! at the corridor! Shang Qinghua screams in his head. ChatGPT please tell him what is happening because he can’t think straight (haha) with his heartbeat drumming in his ears! 

They say delulu is the solulu but this is realulu, right?! 

He is not hallucinating — Mobei-Jun is leaning towards him for a kiss, is he not?! Shang Qinghua can feel his heart beat fast, he wants it to last, need AED by his side because he is about to pass out even before their lips touch! He is not ready for this, he had garlic in his noodles for lunch just now! What if Mobei-Jun reacts like Edward Cullen in that scene where Bella stands in front of a fan and visibly retches? He will never be able to recover from the shame! He would have to fake his death to join the Cirque du Soleil because he is nothing but a clown! 

As panicked thoughts fly through his mind like a swarm of angry wasps,  a distinct voice, clear as an angel’s harp, cuts through from the chaos— MOSHANG IS RIO!

!!!

Shang Qinghua’s eyes light up. Moshang is rio! He cheers in his head. Everything is daijoubu! As he mentally crafts out the earth-shattering message is about to send to the Moshang group, he is hit with a sudden realisation: NO, everything is NOT daijoubu!  

Shang Qinghua is straight and not in a relationship with Mobei-Jun! Why was he so accepting of the fact that a man (albeit a SSS-tier handsome one) was about to kiss him! 

He holds onto Mobei-Jun's shoulder to prevent him from coming closer and stammers, “I-I-I can’t.” 

“You can’t?” Mobei-Jun parrots, raising a brow quizzically.  

Shang Qinghua nods. “I… I… am not ready yet.” 

Mobei-Jun looks shocked at Shang Qinghua’s reply and quickly pulls away. “I’m sorry, I assumed you’d be alright with it.” 

Okay, that’s just rude of Mobei-Jun. Just because he looks like a Greek god, that does not automatically mean everyone in the world is willing to suck faces with him, alright?! Also, some of us have robust morals and do not engage in premarital kissing! We will not succumb to human lust! Not today, succubus!

Feeling like he won the moral seesaw today, he decides to console Mobei-Jun, “You don’t have to take it so far.” 

Mobei-Jun frowns harder and asks, “Isn’t it part of my job?” 

Look at him, look at him! If Mobei-Jun doesn’t win the Oscars in the next two years then the award is clearly rigged! This is a man of dedication, conviction and mastery to his craft! He is so serious in his method acting that he is willing to smack lips with another straight man when the cameras aren’t even rolling! Not to mention, this whole ordeal isn’t even an acting project — their relationship is simply a PR stunt from their aspiring-AO3-writer-cum-CEO! 

“Well, if you put it that way…” Shang Qinghua thinks Mobei-Jun has made a very convincing argument. Damn, he’s good at this! What a glib tongue! He should seriously consider becoming a professional debater. 

Shang Qinghua is swayed. He scratches the back of his head, feeling the tip of his ears getting warmer. He argues feebly, “but there’s no one here.” 

Shang Qinghua cannot pinpoint exactly what, but he watches Mobei-Jun’s face contort into (he is guessing) a hybrid of confusion, shock, and apprehension. 

Shang Qinghua stares right back at him. What?! What is that face for! Shang Qinghua hasn’t even scowled at Mobei-Jun for almost taking away his first kiss and engaging in premarital canoodling, how dare Mobei-Jun give him a look like that! To think Shang Qinghua almost veered from the holy path for this insolent man! 

“What?” he asks, voice curt in annoyance. 

Mobei-Jun returns to his usual impassiveness. He does a slow scan of Shang Qinghua from head to toe like it’s the first time he is meeting him. “I understand,” he says, “if that is what you wish.” 

Somehow Shang Qinghua feels like he has missed a chapter somewhere along the way. He watches Mobei-Jun retreat from his personal space and pulls out his script. “Let’s review this scene again.” 

Wait, what? Where did that fervour from 30 seconds ago go? 

Diary Entry #81

I discovered a pivotal piece of information about my adversary today — he is an exhibitionist who relishes in being observed by others.  

He had subtly confessed that to me after I tried removing a fallen eyelash from his cheek. He rejected my offer, stating that he would like there to be people around for the act to be permissible. I was severely taken aback. 

Who knew someone who looked as cute as him would be into something so… salacious. It appears he enjoys having intimacy being watched by others, but to what extent? Even with matters in the bedroom? 

It took me a while to process his… licentious tendencies. But after some consideration, I suppose I can go along with it if it makes him happy. 

It will be another skill I would have to research more on to satisfy him as a sponsor. 

As a TV series adapted from a popular web novel, the production team of The Red Eye Patch Ghost is always on heightened alert to maintain anticipation and appease the novel’s many avid readers. The marketing team is generous with posting behind-the-scenes footage and photos on Weibo as part of online promotions, generating buzz amongst netizens and fans alike. 

However, everything changed when The Red Eye Patch Ghost account posted on this fateful day.

To the production crew, it was another day at work; to the netizens of Weibo, it was the awakening of something deeper than the Mariana Trenches. 

@TheRedEyePatchGhost: A sneak peek at today’s BTS! Another day of hard work for our Wind and Earth Masters o(^_^)o   [video attached] 

The short 1-minute video features a scene of Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua interrogating a war crime suspect. Very unfortunately, Shang Qinghua is the one in charge of most of the dialogue in this sequence while Mobei-Jun is rooted next to him stoically. Like thirsty women to Love and Deepspace , fans immediately swarm to the Weibo post at the slightest whiff of their favourite actor’s content.  

@puddingparamour: MBJ??? Daddy? Sorry… Daddy? Sorry, Daddy? 
@Violent_entertainment: My mum is asking me why i’m licking my phone how do i explain it to her 
@MeetmeAtDawn: Omg this looks so promising i can’t wait!!
@REOOoo: ok after yall are done wiping your drool, can yall pls watch the video properly. I can’t be the only one who is CRINGING at SQH’s acting
@Paramichi: +2… what… is he… doing? 
@Menacing_Bean: MBJ = expectation, SQH = reality 
@SexyDango: Earth master… i am just a hole sir… fill me up with ur soil 
@nebulaze: *whispers quietly at the back* moshang… is rio… 
@oohsebooty: its ok qinghua u don’t have to be good at acting u can just be pretty 
@Mudpud_2468: Earth master indeed… I’m 6 feet under rn 
@airplane__Bro: Imma let them cook if it means i’m gonna get weekly moshang content. Even if sqh’s acting is burnt af 

As the Weibo comment section splits into various camps of thirsty mobebies, critical novel fans, desperate shippers and blindly supportive Huatthehells, they are suddenly struck by a bigger news — Mobei-Jun has reposted the video. 

@MobeiJunOfficial: Amazing performance by our wind master
Repost: @TheRedEyePatchGhost: A sneak peek at today’s BTS! Another day of hard work for our Wind and Earth Masters o(^_^)o  [video attached]

 [ Are we looking at the same video? [mathlady.png] ]
[ Is the amazing performance in the room with us? ]
[ MBJ is either lying very hard or snarking very hard, i can’t tell which it is ]
[ God gave MBJ everything except eyesight ]
[ I watched the video 3 times and i still can’t find the amazing performance, what timestamp are we talking? ]
[ As a Huatthehell… I can’t even defend SQH on this sksksk ]

Mobei-Jun used confusion and it was super effective.

With a single compliment, Mobei-Jun breaks Weibo’s servers and the social media platform goes down with the sudden spike of activity on his post. The application crashes as comments and reposts flood in; a majority befuddled by Mobei-Jun’s unique perception, huatthehells defending their idol’s honour, and a small group embracing firsthand the true dictionary example of the maxim: “love is blind”. And somewhere in the Central Business District of China, Weibo’s engineers are throwing darts on a printout of Mobei-Jun’s face as we speak. 

[ Can’t yall tell MBJ is being sarcastic LMAO ]
[ Shut up can’t you tell he’s in love, hater ]
[ It’s ok sqh, just like how some kpop idols don’t sing, you don’t have to act to be an actor either <3 ]
[ OUR wind master??? Oh no no, he’s YOUR wind master.. take all of it ]
[ OH MY GAWD STOP WITH THIS DOG FOOD I AM BURSTING AT THE SEAMS ]
[ Mobei-Jun said SQH is amazing… they definitely fucked ]
[ SQH should pursue other means of honouring his father ]

As an internet dweller with no social life, Shang Qinghua is, of course, at the forefront of reading online drama. A second wave of heated debate is ignited by the three fan groups arguing whether Mobei-Jun’s post was maliciously intended or not. Shang Qinghua is in the loop on this because notifications from the Moshang Nation fan group kept buzzing throughout the night and if his phone was cylindrically-shaped, he could have easily used it as a vibrator.  

DrizzleMist: after years of crawling in the darkness… my friends… 
today we step into the light, hold our heads up high and shout:
MOSHANG IS RIO!!! 

ThreeNuns: MOSHANG IS RIO!!!!! 

mooooshang17: +3 

__Pe1m1ng: +4 

ShootingAirplane: +31

DrizzleMist: they called us crazy! They called us conspiracy theorists! 
They call us delusional! But today, we call them the wrong side of history! 

Shang Qinghua doesn’t know if he would call Mobei-Jun and his fans wrong, but he would definitely call Mobei-Jun professional because damn, to lie on the internet like that takes titanium balls. An acting career is temporary but the internet is forever.

It is another day of avoiding the Director’s wrath on set when Shang Qinghua gets a visitor. The bane of his existence wrapped up in a deceivingly attractive packaging strolls up to him in his dressing room and announces, “Mr. Song would like to meet you for dinner.” 

Shang Qinghua fans himself with his folded script and asks, “Today?” 

“Yes,” Shen Qingqiu answers, frowning at the way the actor is slumped on the chair ungracefully and yanks him upright. 

Shang Qinghua scowls at the manhandling. “I have to check my schedule.” 

 “What else could you possibly have going on tonight?” Shen Qingqiu asks in a tone that indicates Shen Qingqiu believes the answer is nothing— which is rude because Shang Qinghua was planning to go home and read an ABO mpreg fanfiction, and that’s something. Shen Qingqiu is a brute and knows nothing about culture. 

But even without Shen Qingqiu’s provocation, Shang Qinghua would have agreed to go anyway. It has been a while since he met the old man even if they have been in contact via text here and there. He doesn’t get a chance to answer before another voice chimes in from behind, “We’ll go together.” 

The actor spins around in shock and gapes at Mobei-Jun in all his black-robed glory. “Uh… we?!”

“Of course I have to be there, it is the right thing,” Mobei-Jun affirms. 

Shen Qingqiu shoots him a puzzled look and Shang Qinghua gesticulates wildly in return. Don’t look at him! He also has no idea why Mobei-Jun is so invested in method acting that he is coming to meet his father?!  

Diary Entry #102

Was about to ask my adversary out for dinner when I overheard Shen Qingqiu relay Mr Song’s dinner invitation. I assumed Shang Qinghua had cut off contact with him since I’ve already taken over his sponsorship role. So why is he still contacting Shang Qinghua? 

If he is pestering Shang Qinghua against his will then it’s time to meet this man and set the record straight.