Chapter Text
TOP STORIES TODAY:
EXCLUSIVE: Michelle Jones Getting Friendly with Spider-Man? Sources say…
MOVIES: Scandal Brewing on Set of Valley with Michelle Jones and Spider-Man
EXCLUSIVE: Michelle Jones Cheating on Her Husband with Spider-Man?
NEWS: Valley Production Stops as Green Goblin Terrorizes Queens
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“You know,” Peter says, leaning down so his chin rests on MJ’s shoulders. “This is kind of funny.”
It’s just past one a.m. and Peter’s done patrolling for the night. Sometimes MJ stays up and waits even though he tells her not to, and this is one of those days. He found her tucked on the sofa, buried in blankets with the TV on, but the volume low. The Green Goblin stint from yesterday afternoon might still be bothering her. He doesn’t blame her. It’s been bothering him too.
They’re both glancing at MJ’s phone which held Betty’s email sent approximately four minutes ago. The email’s subject just says NOT GOOD!!!! and the body just holds a bunch of screenshots of different celebrity gossip outlets reporting the least important part of the shit show that was Green Goblin’s attack. Well, except for that last one. That one seems pretty normal, in an entertainment-obsessed way. Even JJ wasn’t like this back when Peter had to sell selfies to pay for rent.
“Pete,” is all she says.
“Em, you have to admit,” says Peter, snorting, “the thought of you cheating on me with Spider-Man is just laughable.”
MJ twists around to look at him and her expression remains blank. That is until lips twitch minutely. “Okay, fine. But how am I supposed to dispel these rumors.”
“Didn’t you hire Betty for this exact reason?” Peter kisses her forehead as a late greeting and she smiles softly at him and tugs him down to give him a longer kiss. God, he loves her.
She releases him so he can change out of his suit. He comes back wearing only his worn-looking sweatpants that have seen far too much. MJ’s giggling when he picks up her blankets and shoves himself under them next to her.
“What’s so funny?”
“This one’s so good.” She clears her throat, fixing her nonexistent glasses. “‘Some suggest that Spider-Man’s powers include the male spider’s ability to ‘hypnotize’ females, which he would use to seduce Jones.’”
“Oh, come on . . . stop.” He groans, ducking his face into her shoulder. She cackles and he feels her laughter against his cheek.
MJ mocks him. “Yes, my Spider-Lord.”
“Fuck off.” Peter pinches her side lightly. “I don’t even wanna think about what your fans are saying on Twitter. They’ve probably been going crazy since the pictures leaked.”
“Betty took a peek and told me to stay off for a few days until things die down.”
Peter ghosts a kiss across her neck. “Sorry about this by the way. I didn’t mean to make your job more difficult. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”
MJ turns to fully face him, her phone forgotten between their legs. “I get paid big bucks to play pretend, Peter. And you’re not entirely at fault.”
They both look down at her phone, a picture of MJ looking a little too fondly at Spider-Man.
Peter turns his gaze back to MJ but she’s frowning down. He tips her chin up with his finger and says, “Hey, can’t blame you if you’ve got heart eyes for Spidey.”
“Shut up,” she says. He traces the lines of her face: her jaw, her chin, the curve of her bottom lip. He could’ve lost her today and it sends his heart spiraling. She kisses his thumb when he’s close enough, her eyes soft. “I’m okay, tiger.”
Peter closes his eyes and breathes deeply. “Thank God.”
“Everything’ll be all right.” MJ tugs his attention with her hand, turning the TV off with the other. “Let’s go to bed.”
Peter picks her up and she grins at him, bright and beautiful.
“I can walk, you know.” She wraps her legs around his waist, a familiar move.
He makes his way to their bedroom as he says, “Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”
Peter smiles and closes the door with a definitive click.
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not beck @guineveresss · 5h
CELEBRITY GOSSIP NEWS SITES SHOULD DIE!! why in god’s name would she cheat on her hot nerd husband
emma @H0LE · 5h
Reply to @guineveresss
not to be the bearer of bad news but like that is literally spider-man . i would risk it all for that man
not beck @guineveresss · 5h
Reply to @H0LE
ok yeah i GET it but like she was filming where gobby attacked it makes sense for spidey to save her 😭
emma @H0LE · 5h
Reply to @guineveresss
they’re looking a lil too close etonline.com/1hJK2kh8dUY
MICHELLE NOTICED 1/5 @bluepinstripes · 5h
Reply to @guineveresss @H0LE
Jesus maybe Spider-Man’s a homewrecker 😔 wrecking my girl’s marriage just look at her face
#
The first thing Johnny does when Peter clocks into work in the morning is laugh at him. Loudly. For a good five minutes.
“Yeah, yeah,” says Peter, rolling his eyes. He swings his backpack onto the ground and logs in to check his emails. “I fucked up a little.”
“This is the funniest fucking fuck up I have ever witnessed in my life. You couldn’t keep your hands off of her for one minute?”
“She was about to fall off a building, Storm.”
Johnny claps a hand on his back. “Makes sense. She’s got that windswept look going on.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“I can say the same to you, Pete.”
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seed @rosesau · 35m
so no one’s gonna mention the green freak coming back??
jadeyyy @emilymilk · 36m
Reply to @rosesau
welcome to nyc seed
bannannies @napoleannie · 36m
Reply to @rosesau @emilymilk
THE HULK’S BACK?!!!
jadeyyy @emilymilk · 37m
Reply to @rosesau @napoleannie
wrong green freak it’s the goblin one
#
Unfortunately, the rumors do not calm down. Betty’s working overtime and MJ had to put Spider-Man’s name on the blacklist for any interviews. Ned’s been tracking down Green Goblin sightings on the internet in his free time but he’s just coming across various Twitter accounts talking about MJ cheating on him or people hating on Spider-Man for being a homewrecker and ‘ruining Michelle’s perfect marriage.’ It’s at once heartwarming for other people to think that he and MJ have a perfect marriage (nobody’s marriage is perfect—they have their fair share of arguments) and also humiliating for some random old lady to smack him with her purse when he helps her with carrying her groceries upstairs as she tells him to be ashamed of herself for breaking up a marriage.
Peter’s telling Ned the story about the last one as they’re grabbing a few snacks at the bodega down Ned’s street, a years-old tradition. They usually save a day to watch movies and catch each other up.
“You have the worst luck, I swear,” Ned says, snorting.
“I thought it was hilarious when I saw the headlines, but I didn’t think people would take it that seriously!” Peter sets down packaged doughnuts at the counter and five bucks and nods at Teo, the cashier. “Hey, man.”
“Hey, Peter,” Teo says, then raises his voice. “Ned, we moved the popcorn to the bottom.”
“Thanks!” Ned’s voice is muffled. He comes back in a moment and holds up the popcorn in his hand.
“Michelle’s not joining you for movie night?” Teo says, ringing both of them up. “Hot date with Spider-Man?”
Peter groans, grabbing the change and shoving it into the tip jar. “Dude, not you too. She’s out of the country to finish filming Valley.”
It has been an unbearable few weeks without her. Johnny even told him a week ago that if he stops staring at every billboard of MJ, the press won’t have so much ammunition. Peter figures there’s some truth to it, but how can he just not look at a twenty-foot tall picture of his wife?
In between Peter’s jobs and MJ being in a different timezone, it’s hard to find time just to call. They send each other update texts throughout the day, but it’s not the same.
“Ah.” Teo nods, smirking. “Keeping her out of Spider-Man’s territory, huh. Heard he’s been mooning over her billboards, man. Better watch out.”
Ned chuckles, nudging Peter with his elbow.
“All right, all right, I get it. Have a nice night, Teo,” Peter says, ushering Ned out. Once they’re back in Ned’s apartment, Peter scratches at his chin. “I need to do something about this cheating thing.”
“You’re not gonna do much as Peter Parker. Right now, you’re either the scorned husband or a doormat.”
Not as Peter Parker, huh.
“Thanks, Ned.”
“For what?”
Peter grins.
Ned frowns. “For what?”
“You gave me an idea.”
“This is either gonna go really well or really badly.”
Peter shrugs. “That’s just how my life is.”
#
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📌 PINNED BY MODERATORS
r/MichelleJonesUpdates
Posted by u/michellejstan 2 hours ago.
Cheating Rumors
Michelle posted on Instagram a few minutes ago and I’m just coming here as your mod to say that any cheating speculation will result in a ban. I don’t want to hear about how she posted both her huband and her friend and not just Peter. Their relationship is none of my business and it shouldn’t be yours either. Okay? Got it? Good.
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#
Peter waits until MJ picks up his call. Her face fills his screen and he can’t help the smile from crossing his face even though she can’t see from behind his mask.
“Morning, Em.”
“Hi, tiger. You still out?”
Peter looks around, swinging his legs out and bumping his heel on the wall. “Yeah, walked a few people home. Anyway, I have an idea to fix the whole cheating thing.”
Keeping MJ out of Spider-Man’s radar is his main priority. Too many people want a single connection to get Peter to snap and MJ is the thread that holds him together. If even one bad guy gets cocky, MJ could get hurt. And, you know, help with MJ’s reputation. Peter still finds it incredibly insulting most people are blaming her for her supposed failed marriage as if Spider-Man wasn’t also there. Hypothetically.
MJ raises a brow. “Uh-huh.”
“I’m gonna say, as Spider-Man, that I’m married. Or taken. We’re workshopping this right now.”
She hums, thinking it over. “I mean . . . it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard today. Betty wanted me to go on The Daily Show to talk it over.”
“Talk about what? All I did was save you.”
“And I looked at you wrong.” MJ scoffs. “The entertainment industry, I fucking swear, they’re all vultures.”
“At least they’re not the actual Vulture.”
She lets out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give them that.” MJ pauses, biting her bottom lip. God, Peter wishes he was here to kiss all her worries away. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah.” She nods. “Don’t give any defining features. Just say your taken. Don’t mention any gender, just in case.”
“Sounds good.” Peter touches his screen as if he can feel MJ through it. “I have to go in, but I’ll see you in a few hours. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
MJ presses her fingers to her lips then to her camera and he does the same.
They end the call and Peter’s left with the city bustling beneath his feet. He tucks his phone back into his belt and looks up at the billboard of MJ’s face. He chuckles.
Maybe Johnny was right. Not that he’d ever tell him.
#
EXCLUSIVE: Spider-Man Dispels Cheating Rumors, Says He Is ‘Taken’
We all remember when Spider-Man saved Michelle Jones on the set of Valley, right? Ever since those photos have surfaced, New York’s celebrity scene was buzzing with the scandal. Jones looked all too adoringly at Spider-Man and our resident New York City vigilante’s hand is disturbingly close. But news reporter caught Spider-Man on his way out after saving the city from the Green Goblin again and asked about the incident and joked about his connection with Michelle Jones. Spider-Man had something quite interesting to say in response to the last comment.
“I’m sure [Jones] is a great person, but all I did was save her. There’s no stealing somebody else’s wife. This spider’s taken actually,” said Spider-Man, pointing at himself.
There you have it. Sorry to all the fans on Twitter and Instagram who wanted Spidey for themselves, but he has prior commitments. To the lucky person who has Spider-Man’s heart, I can say for all of us who have loved him for years, take care of him. We’re living vicariously through you.