Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

==> Admin Loop: Clean Up

Zeus was not happy. The day had not been going well at all for him, and the root of the problem were two troublesome deities. Skuld was the bigger nuisance, the bitch that she was. She had round-house kicked him in the face for grabbing her ass. He was Zeus, him-dammit! He had exclusive rights to every female ass in the building.

The other was a less active, but more insidious breed of annoying. Kali's brat, Ganesha, had been making waves recently. First he wrangles a universe with an infinite multiverse, then he gets several (as he put it, 'troublesome') people looping, and now he'd gone and one-upped him by fixing Evangelion and activating new loopers! And he didn't even have the gal to gloat about it!

So Zeus was in his office, seething, and wondering how he could kill two stones with one bird. Being the idiot he was of course, he; A) did not realize that wasn't how the phrase went, and B) was drawing a massive blank.

His most recent plan, which had involved throwing Billy into Skuld's office and legging it, had somehow resulted in Skuld winning the lottery, patching up her relationship with her little sisters, and several stacks of paperwork mysteriously vanishing. He needed a new plan.

The proverbial light bulb in his head went off, flickered, and died, before reigniting permanently. "Of course. Why didn't I think of it before!" Zeus sat up from his obscenely large desk and bolted to a large filing cabinet of potential loops. Dusting one of the folders off, the king of the Greek gods laughed maniacally and left his room.

After hovering several floors to the left and bypassing the Le Ptomaine thruway, Zeus put on his best 'nice guy' smile, and knocked on the door to the cubicle he had arrived at. Ganesha, pesto sandwich lodged in his mouth, opened the door. "Hmm?"

Zeus handed Ganesha the file. "Direct from Skuld. She wants it looping by the end of the week. Tootles." Zeus skipped away, around a corner, and broke out laughing evilly. "Mwahhahaha!"

Back at his cubicle, Ganesha chewed and swallowed his pesto sandwich and looked at the file. He nearly had a heart attack. 'Skuld wants me to get HOMESTUCK looping!?!'

For a moment, Ganesha stood there, staring at the file for what was perhaps the second most troublesome loop in the multiverse, weighing his options. He could either contest it at a meeting (in which case there was a good chance that Skuld would spend the entire meeting yelling at him for shirking his duties) or he could suck it up and try to get Homestuck looping. Plus this was assuming that Zeus wasn't trying to pull a fast one on him.

And Ganesha was certain that Zeus was trying to pull a fast one on him. The great remover of obstacles and god of new beginnings narrowed his eyes. 'If that's the game Zeus want's to play, then maybe it's time I beat him at it. You're on Zeus.'

...

Zeus was twirling a handlebar mustache he had grown for the occasion. It had been a whole week since anyone had heard from Ganesha, and Skuld had just gone through all of the bug reports she was supposed to get and noticed that the reports for Ganesha's loops were missing. Now he was following her to Ganesha's cubicle, under the pretense of seeing "how the poor man was doing". He was also really enjoying his new mustache.

Skuld, meanwhile, wasn't a moron. She knew that Zeus was up to something, and had every intention of ruining it for him. As such, she had preemptively decided to forgive Ganesha for not handing in his paperwork, even if it meant more work for her. It would be worth it to spite Zeus.

A polite knock at Ganesha's door though didn't cause it to open though, and loud banging did little to change the situation. Skuld frowned and tried the door knob, which worked, but no amount of turning and gentle pushing would open it. Skuld put her shoulder to the door and shoved hard, plowing a wide furrow in what appeared to be a foot thick layer of detritus. "What in the Void Realms..."

Ganesha, it appeared, had not left his cubicle for an entire week, and was currently holed up inside some sort of cocoon of candy wrappers. He appeared to be in a sort of coding hibernation. Skuld gulped and shook Ganesha's shoulder gently. "Uh... Ganesha? Ganny?"

"Huh. Wut? Huh..." Ganesha jolted awake, shaking his sleep addled head. "What I miss?"

"Your bug report." Skuld admitted. "But what I want to know is, when was the last time you left your cubicle?"

"Such a mess Ganesha. For shame," Zeus taunted.

Ganesha ignored Zeus and pointed at the screen. More specifically, the calendar date. "I think I left... maybe five days ago. Or something."

Skuld was quiet for a moment. "You know Ganesha, a number of disgusting questions spring to mind, but the one I want answer right now is 'why'."

Ganesha stared at Skuld, then stared at Zeus, and then stared at his screen. A key command later, a window was opened up.

World Designation: Homestuck.
Status: Looping
Anchor: John Egbert
Known Loopers: Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley
Stability: 88%

"That's why."

Jaws, suffice to say, dropped. Skuld tried to articulate a statement, and failed miserably. Zeus stared wide eyed for a moment, before fainting. Ganesha nodded in satisfaction. "It wasn't too hard. Just set up John's time changing powers to switch between a few pre-generated alternate timelines. Extensive Oroborus patching. Lord English and Jack Noir patched to prevent looping ever. Simple stuff.

"But- But- But- But- But--!!!" Skuld closed her eyes, focused, and spoke again. "Th-The Genesis Frog."

"It's coded to have infinite mass and energy. Once it drops into a subspace pocket, it'll collapse into a black hole and kill the person who tried to steal it." Ganesha tapped his chin thoughtfully. "The multiple bodies situation was set up so that their souls are tied to a single body at any moment, and can switch within normal parameters. Souls moving into or between the afterlife maintain coherency. And I've also patched Andrew Hussie's code to keep him from looping, though he's loop Aware." Ganesha stared at his fingers. "That everything?"

"S-Sk... Skaia...?"

Ganesha winked. "Funny thing about that. Apparently, the so called "exposed code" that was the Skaia protocol wasn't... well it wasn't really Skaia."

Skuld stared at Ganesha for a second, before violently forcing him to the side and rapidly hitting the computer keys of his terminal. The screen displayed something she had never thought possible.

'Yggdrasil Privilege List Updated. Skaia Protocol (Designation: Homestuck) Command Privileges Revoked. Skaia Protocol (Designation: Yggdrasil) Disengaged from Entity (Designation: Homestuck)'

Skuld slowly stepped away from the terminal and just stared, slack jawed and amazed, at Ganesha. The elephant man shrugged. "Apparently, Homestuck's Skaia Protocol had some operating privileges it wasn't supposed to. Yggdrasil confused it for it's own Skaia Protocol, and classified it as exposed code. Crazy, huh?"

"... Yeah. That's crazy." Skuld leaned down, looked at Ganesha, and smiled. "You sir, get a promotion. And a paid vacation. With overtime." Skuld left the room skipping over Zeus's unconscious body. "No more Homestuck, no more Homestuck no more Homestuck..."

Ganesha kicked back, smiled slightly... and then realized that he would probably be attached as Homestucks' Admin. "Craaaaap..."

Chapter Text

John groaned and sat up in bed. For as little as he had slept the night before, he sure felt well rested. He glanced around his room.

Wait, what? His room?

Again?

For a moment, he began to panic, but that quickly subsided when his computer dinged, signaling that someone was messaging him. He hopped out of bed and ran to his desk, checking the notification. It was Rose.

TT: John?
TT: Did it happen to you again as well?
EB: yes it did... and i'm very confused.
TT: As am I.
TT: I've already talked to Dave and Jade. Strangely, they don't seem to remember the previous repeat. Or the first time around, for that matter.
EB: are you serious?
EB: what the hell, paradox space?
TT: I agree. I think it's fairly reasonable to say that these repeats are going to keep happening.
TT: As for why, I'm not sure.
EB: i wonder why you and i remember the last time but dave and jade don't?
TT: It's baffling me as well. My Seer powers aren't being of much use at the moment, either.
TT: I suppose that if these repeats are going to continue, we'll find out eventually, however.
TT: We may as well make the best of it, for now.
EB: yeah, i guess so. :/
EB: wait, i just thought of something.
TT: Hm? What is it?
EB: one second.

John got up from his desk and moved over to the window. Just like the first time, the red arm flappy-dealy thing was up. He pushed his window open, and a cool breeze rushed in. He concentrated for a moment, focusing on the wind around him.

The signature blue streaks of the Breeze flew off of him and into the yard, blowing open the mailbox. He pumped his fist. "Yessssssss!" A blue sphere formed around the contents of the mailbox, carrying them up and through John's window.

He grinned, then sat back down at his desk.

EB: yes! i still have my windy powers!
TT: I figured as much. It would make sense, considering the fact that I still have my Seer powers.
TT: This is probably going to be very useful.
EB: it already is. i got the beta way earlier than i did the last two times.
TT: Excellent. Shall we go ahead and start the game?
EB: no, dave has probably lost his copy already, and jade still needs to get hers from the time capsule, i think.
TT: But by that point, the meteor will have already hit your house.
EB: dammit, you're right.
EB: let's wait a little while longer though. some stuff has to happen first.
TT: Fair enough.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

John sighed. This wasn't going to be terribly fun.

Chapter Text

This was, perhaps, not the greatest thing to do with the ludicrous amounts of grist that killing Typheus yielded. But John gave no fucks.

"This is it," he said, placing the carved Cruxite Dowel on the Alchemiter. "The moment of truth." He took a deep breath and pushed the button.

Thus, Typhon, Crusher Of Worlds was born. John took the alchemized hammer from the platform and hefted it in both hands, examining it carefully.

Its design was smooth and airy, with light whites, blues, and grays. Everything about it was reminiscent of the wind. It always appeared to be moving, and the outline of it was not perfectly defined. The handle and hammerhead were decorated with blue swirls and arcs that looked identical to that of The Breeze.

"Fuck yes," John said triumphantly. Then he remembered that it would vanish at the end of the time loop.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chapter Text

John found himself standing in the middle of a room, though it was not his own. Then he stumbled and threw his arms out to keep his balance as a mountain of memories hit him.

His name was John Strider and he was hella confused.

Chapter Text

John stared at the computer screen anxiously, waiting for a reply. There hadn't been a single repeat since the first one where Jade or Dave had kept their memories.

EB: jade? are you there?
GG: john!! did it happen for you again too?
EB: the repeaty-loop thing?
GG: yes!
GG: this is so weird! why did it happen a second time??
EB: actually this is like the twenty or thirtieth time for me. after the first one, rose had her memories one time, and then after that it was mostly just me.
EB: you guys haven't been remembering them for some reason.
GG: really???
GG: wow that really is weird!
EB: i'm just glad someone else remembers for once. it's weird when you do the repeats alone.
GG: did you figure out why this is happening????
EB: no. still no progress.
EB: i did make this one really awesome hammer one time though.
EB: oh! i just remembered!
EB: if i'm right, you should still have your witchey powers.
GG: really??

Jade looked away from her lunchtop for a moment and looked at one of her squiddles. She focused on it for a second, and it grew eight times as large. She then made a square with her fingers, and a tiny fourth wall appeared in front of her. She turned back to the lunchtop, amazed.

GG: wow you were right!!!!
GG: i still have my green sun powers too which.......
GG: ......doesnt really make any sense but its still cool!!
GG: uh oh i think bec noticed
GG: hes probably worried and is coming to check on me
GG: im gonna talk to you later john cause this is probably going to take a while
EB: heh. alright, bye!
GG: bye!!! :)

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

Chapter Text

John glanced up at the incoming meteor. Unexpected delays were often inconvenient, and this was no exception.

The Breeze surged from John into the sky around the meteor, slowing it and eventually bringing it to a stop. It hovered midair in a ball of wind, then was gently placed in the lake about a mile away. He sighed and alchemized his Cruxite apple, then took a bite of it.

If he could use his wind powers to drill a hole to the center of a planet and lift a massive bomb out of it, he could sure as hell slow down a big falling rock.

Chapter Text

TG: yo john
TG: the loopy thing happened again
EB: oh my gosh yes finally.
EB: this is the second time for you, right?
TG: yeah why
TG: are you suggesting i missed something
EB: yes, i am.
EB: this is like... the thirty seventh time, i think, for me.
EB: for some reason, you guys usually don't have the memories of the repeats.
EB: besides the first time, jade, rose, and you have all remembered the repeats once now.
TG: thirty seventh
TG: god damn
TG: doesnt it get boring after a while??
EB: a little bit.
EB: oh, by the way. you should still have your time powers.
TG: really lemme check

"Sup John." John whirled around in his chair to see Dave standing there.

"Dave? What the hell?" John was confused beyond belief. A sudden realization hit him. "Wait...we're talking right now."

Dave shrugged. "So?"

"Without Pesterchum. Or some sort of Internet connection thing."

"Couldn't you do that before?" Dave asked nonchalantly.

"I think so? I don't remember. Definitely not this early, though."

"Probs a side effect of the time loops. Anyways, my time powers are gonna make this hella easier." He held up four copies of both the Sburb client and server disks. "Case in point."

John took one of each disk. "Thanks, I guess. I could've gotten it myself, but whatever." A sudden idea hit John, and he grinned as only a master prankster could. "Hey, Dave?"

Dave looked unnerved for a moment. "John, what's with that look?" John didn't answer the question, however. A look of extremw concentration was on his face.

"Have you seen the movie Sharknado?" John asked. Dave looked out the window nervously. A cloud of indistinct splotches of color could be seen coming over the horizon.

"Oh hell no," Dave said, heading toward the door. "Time to abscond." He was interrupted, though, by the cloud of splotches bursting through the window and enveloping him.

"Smuppetnado!" John cried triumphantly. The smuppetnado carried Dave out the window and over the neighborhood, before depositing him in the lake.

Chapter Text

"Dave, leave Karkat alone," John said irritably. Dave then proceeded to flip Karkat backwards onto the table. John sighed.

Dammit, why did he decide to go on the meteor this time?

Chapter Text

Doc Scratch looked at the screen in frustration. What was the girl's secret? How could she possibly have seen through his plan?!

I can't stand this. How are you doing this? Not even your abilities as a Seer of Light grant you such foreknowledge. You have completely deviated from what I know is supposed to happen. That should not be possible. What is your secret?
TT: What can I say? I'm just that good.
You have quite the sense of humor.
But I'm afraid I no longer find it funny. You've completely derailed everything.
TT: I'll assume you're aware of the concept of a time loop.
TT: Not the stable time loop of the kind that Time players form with their abilities, but the common fictional trope.
Ah. I see now.
But how could you possibly be aware of the Loops?

Rose paused. This was her chance to get information. Doc Scratch was clearly aware of what was happening to them, and his omniscience was all but lost now. Time to bluff.

TT: I've been looping for a little while now. So have the others, especially John.
John as the Anchor? Strange. It seems far more likely that you would be the Anchor.

Anchor? What on Earth was an Anchor?

TT: And why is that, exactly?
Oho, I see.
I'm afraid you're not going to get any more information out of me. That was an excellent bluff, though. You almost had me.
TT: Darn. So close to actually learning something.
TT: Would you mind at least telling me what an Anchor is?
I think not. If you truly are Looping, you'll find out soon enough anyway.
You are, of course, still going to act as my plan dictated. The lack of the Green Sun's existence would not be very beneficial for you now, would it?
TT: Actually, I think not. It's of no importance, since everything will be reset at the end of the Loop, as you called it.
TT: So I think I'll just not bother, as payback for you being a manipulative bastard the first time around.
TT: Cheers.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] disconnected. --

Chapter Text

As per the usual for the beginning of the resets, John found himself in bed. He slowly rolled out of bed and onto the floor. A notification flashed on his computer screen, and he got up to check it.

TT: John, I have some good news.
EB: really? what is it?
TT: Have you checked to see if Jade and Dave have their memories yet?
EB: no, i just got out of bed. i literally had no time to do anything before you messaged me.
TT: I'll check on Dave, you check on Jade.
EB: alright.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

EB: hey jade, did you do the loopy thing again?
GG: yeah i did!!
GG: did you check rose and dave???
EB: rose is checking on dave right now.
EB: since the three of us have done the loopy thing, i'm gonna assume dave did it too and do this.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] has invited you to Memo "do the loopy thing" with turntechGodhead [TG] and tentacleTherapist [TT] --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] joined Memo "do the loopy thing" --

-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined Memo "do the loopy thing" --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined Memo "do the loopy thing" --

TG: so whats this about
TT: I discovered something rather interesting from Doc Scratch during my last loop.
TT: Doc Scratch is apparently aware of the Loops, and was the first time around as well.
EB: loops with a capital L?
TT: That's how he said it, yes. He said that we were Looping, with a capital L.
TT: He also said that you were something called an Anchor, John. I assume that has something to do with you being aware of all of the Loops.
EB: huh.
TG: this is hella weird yo
TG: how would doc scratch know whats going on
TG: did you get any more info out of him?
TT: Nothing, sadly. He did say, however, that if we truly are Looping, we'll find out what's going on eventually anyway.
TT: I can't fathom what he might have meant.
GG: this is so weird!!
EB: i agree.
GG: i wonder what he meant???
TG: i suppose we just gotta wait
TG: hey i wonder how much easier the game will be since we all have our god powers from the start this time
EB: phenomenally.
TT: Gasp.
TT: I'm impressed, John. I didn't know you had such a broad vocabulary.
EB: shush.
TG: no but seriously you all have your copies of the game sitting on your desks
EB: what.

John glanced down at his desk. Sure enough, there were the disks.

EB: dave, what the hell.
EB: i could have gotten mine myself, you know.
TG: are you denying my gesture of good will john
TG: im wounded
TG: that hurt john
TG: why must you hurt me in this way
TG: also rose your computer has full battery now if you didnt notice
TT: I did notice. Thank you, Dave.
TG: see john she appreciates me
EB: oh my god dave shut up.
EB: let's just get the game started.
EB: how about we try a different chain order?
EB: we could go in reverse order or something. i'll be rose's server player, rose will be dave's, dave will be jade's, and jade will be mine.
GG: sure!!!! :)
TG: sounds good i guess
TT: I'm all for it.
EB: then let's get started!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased Memo "do the loopy thing" --

Chapter Text

Jade sighed, and wiped a hand across her forehead. She opened one of the many computers she kept on her at all times, and left a message in this Loop's memo telling everyone to come to Lofaf. Not surprisingly, Dave suddenly appeared behind her a moment later.

"What's up?" he asked, adjusting his shades.

"Wait till everyone gets here first, and then I'll explain," Jade replied. A moment later, John and Rose came through one of the Gates floating overhead, and landed next to the two.

"What's going on, Jade?" John asked.

"I finally finished breeding the Genesis Frog!" Jade exclaimed. "All we need to do is take it to Skaia and do the Ultimate Alchemy."

"Do we have the grist for it?" Rose asked doubtfully. "I checked our total a while ago, and it seems like we're going to need a lot more."

"Easy," John said, waving a hand. "I can go kill Typheus, Dave's Time powers will give him a huge advantage over Hephaestus, and Jade could probably just blow up Echidna with her Space powers or something."

Jade winced. "I'm not going to do that, John."

"Wait, you can actually do that?" John asked, amazed. "I was just making a random assumption."

"Yes, I can do that, but I'm not going to. I don't like killing things in cold blood."

John shrugged. "...Eh, alright. I can understand that. But..." John looked up, and flew through one of the Gates. Dave's iShades lit up, and gristTorrent appeared on the screens.

"Aaaand five...four...three...two...one," Dave counted down. The bar representing John's total grist cache shot up phenomenally. "God damn that is a lot of grist." A moment later, the bar representing Dave's cache shot up as well. "Welp, there's another stable time loop I need to take care of. Anyways, we have more than enough now." It was at that moment that John came back through the Gate and landed lightly on Lofaf's surface.

Jade stretched. "Alright! Who's ready to make a universe?" The other three raised their hands, and Jade teleported them all to Skaia.

---- - ---

"Damn," Dave said, watching the scene unfold. "That is one big-ass frog."

"No kidding," John said, shielding his eyes.

"I wonder what the species who's destined to play Sburb is like," Rose commented. "Most likely somewhat human-like, with some resemblance to human society. Or maybe not. When you consider the drastic differences between humans and trolls, it could be anything." The others nodded.

"Only one way to find out," Jade said, turning to the large green house shape in front of them. The group stepped toward the door and it opened. A bright light shone through, and the four took a step through. The light faded, and they found themselves...

"Oh HELL no!" John screeched. "No, no no no no NO!" He attempted to fly back toward the door, but it was gone.

"What the actual fuck," Dave said. As far as the eye could see, there were oblique references to Nic Cage films, most notably Con Air. There were even a few pictures of Nic Cage himself on the sides of some buildings.

"Get me out of here!" John screeched. "Somebody, heeeeeelp!"

"How much you wanna bet that John's gonna go insane by the end of the Loop?" Dave asked.

"Twenty boonbucks," Rose said.

"You're on."

Chapter Text

TG: john
TG: john
EB: what?
TG: i am a girl john
TG: a fucking girl
TG: something is wrong

Chapter Text

TT: Oh shit.
EB: what did you do?
TT: I might have accidentally prototyped the Kernelsprite with your Dad.
EB: what.

---

TG: oops
TG: fuck
TG: sorry rose
TG: fuck
TT: Dave, what. Did. You. Do?
TG: nothing
TG: sorta
TG: your mom
TG: she fucking prototyped herself that's what
TT: I'm beginning to see a pattern here.

---

GG: oh fuck!!!
TG: jade
GG: sorry dave!!!
TG: i have a brosprite now
TG: a fucking brosprite, jade
TG: i bet you're going to have a grandpasprite or something
TG: are you fucking happy now jade

---

EB: no more bec noir, i swear

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --

GG: oh no!!!

----

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --

EB: damnit vriska!

Chapter Text

TA: yeah 2o KK ju2t went off hii2 fuckiing handle a2 2oon a2 ii kiicked hii2 a22 iin flarpiing.
TA: ii mean ii dont get why you play tho2e thiing2 con2tantly but....
TA: they’re kiind of funii2h ii gue22.
TA: iif you do iit only once a whiile ii mean.
TA: 2tiill dont know why you play iit wiith VK ii mean 2he ii2 kiind of freaky and ii2 way two power hungry two play that 2hiit.
TA: liike really, iim 2urprii2ed TZ can even reel her back.
TA: ....
TA: AA?
AA: hm
TA: jeez am ii really that boriing?
AA: 0h n0 n0t at all
AA: quite the c0ntrary in fact
TA: okay then why haven't you 2aiid anythiing duriing my rant2?
TA: liike you've been 2iilent even when ii wa2 blabbiing about how much of a douche canoe VK ii2!
AA: have i
TA: ye2! you never mii22 an opportuniity to complain about her two me!
TA: ii2 2omethiing wrong?
AA: n0
AA: well
AA: yes
AA: its just a feeling that ive been having
TA: iim gue22iing iit ii2n't a good one.
AA: yeah it isnt
AA: i hate t0 be depressing 0r sad but recently
TA: recently...??
AA: everything seems repeatable
AA: 0r it has repeated at least
AA: its like deja vu in a way
AA: except s0 much m0re
AA: intense
AA: i supp0se
TA: when diid thii2 2tart?
AA: im n0t sure
AA: a few weeks ag0 maybe but its hard t0 tell
AA: i mean i d0nt want t0 be a debbie d0wner and all but besides the feeling 0f repetiti0n ive als0 had this sinking feeling in my gut that s0mething is g0ing t0 g0
AA: terribly
AA: h0rribly
AA: wr0ng
TA: wow welcome two my world.
AA: im seri0us sollux!
TA: 2eriiou2 enough two actually u2e an exclamatiion poiint?
TA: fiinally du2tiing off that keyboard button, huh?
TA: piinch me ii MU2T be dreamiing, you're actually using grammar!
AA: if y0u are g0ing t0 just be sarcastic i will leave
TA: iim 2orry
TA: iit2 ju2t that YOU, the queen of optiimii2m, ii2 haviing bad feeliing2.
TA: ii mean thii2 2tuff doe2n't happen everyday you know.
TA: iit2 liike watchiing a new troll je2u2 come aliive.
AA: 0h y0ure just 0verreacting
AA: s0
AA: with0ut any dramatic revelations 0r theatrical shenanigans
AA: how do you deal with feelings of doom and destruction
TA: oh my god.
TA: ii.... ii thought you'd never a2k....
TA: iim going to cry
AA: 0_0
TA: okay ju2t giive me a 2econd two collect my2elf
TA: alright iim good.
TA: oh wait no ii feel a 2econd wave
AA: s0llux
TA: iim u2iing all my tii22ue2 riight now
AA: s0llux
TA: youre gonna owe me 2o much money for my emotiional breakdown AA.
TA: iill have TZ 2ue you iin offiiciial court.
AA: 0h my g0d
TA: ii dont know what you ju2t 2aiid AA
TA: my computer 2creen ii2 currently 2ubmerged iin tear2
AA: alright thats it
AA: c0me back and tr0ll me when y0u actually have advice and n0t sarcastic remarks t0 give me

--  apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

===> Aradia: Wonder how you’re even friends with him.

You do indeed wonder, sighing a bit as you question your friend choices. It’s not unusual for the voices of the dead to make you sad or at the very least annoyed but this feeling, this creeping sensation, it’s not like anything you’ve experienced before.

If you have to be honest, you're a bit... Scared. Or unnerved. Maybe scaredly unnerved? That seems right.

Maybe it will go away. It’s not like anything bad will actually happen anyway.

Right?

Chapter Text

TT: You pasty. Bulbous. Bastard.
You managed to force Pesterchum to render a font it was previously incapable of utilizing via sheer rage. Even knowing that you would accomplish this, I am impressed. Either way, to be fair, I did say it to your face, multiple times. You simply overlooked what I meant.
TT: Fuck. You.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] blocked Doc Scratch --

Most impressive indeed.

Chapter Text

"John, John, look." Dave pointed something that John knew could only have been made from artifact grist at John's windsock, which promptly turned into a cake.

John narrowed his eyes. "You sick bastard."

Dave bowed. "Thank you, I'll be here all Loop."

Chapter Text

Aradia was not one to be excited. In fact, everyone knew her for her specific lack of excitement, seeing as all the joys of life had been sucked out of her since her untimely death.

She was still, however, the Maid of Time. It was her job to properly work the games timelines into producing at least one usable one to win the game.

Although she didn't do a good job at that. But Aradia would digress, it was her friends emotions and lack of thought that mainly caused the destruction of the session. It was already foretold to end like this, after all. For the ghosts of dooms thoughts could not be wrong, despite their lack of moral obligations for anything except the end times.

Although it was not like they knew the truth. They were right in everything they said, yet it was the overlaying picture which none of the voices would ever know.

Time was wrong.

The flow was there, rushing like river streams deep into cascading waterfalls, yet it was wrong.

It was repeating in a way not natural to Time, not natural to anything.

Aradia was certain something was wrong with its flow, something causing a disturbance.

The disturbance was different, and it was hard for her to correctly pin point how it happened. Impossible even. For that reason she hadn't even mentioned this to her friends, they already had enough problems as is. Aradia didn't want to be a nuisance, and she was certain none of them wanted a malfunctioning Time player to add to their list of things wrong with the session. Besides, she had only noticed this once she had entered the soulbot; and a faulty robot body could be the blame for this whole thing. Maybe.

Although, Aradia had been quite helpful with this difference in her mind. The Genesis Frog had been programmed in a much more stable way, the minimal amount of timeline deaths occurred, and she had been able to collect the optimal amount of grist needed for advancing the game better than they could have originally.

She would be proud of herself, if she had the ability to be proud that is.

And in the future she saw a time where she could feel again. Where things weren't metal cold and icy veins. Where she had a body of her own, with deep maroon blood and eyes that could see the limitless sights of the worlds glow without robotic clicks and whirls.

For now though, she was stuck in this body. It was okay as a vessel for her needs, and she was not one to be picky about this sort of thing.

What had made her curious and not resign her position to instead simply wait for her new promised body in the mean time, was how the humans had been acting in their own session.

Upon finding a lack of the intense amount of universe 'cancer' in their world session, Aradia had not been able to slow the process down to the correct amount so there was still some defects, they had been advancing far above normal time.

The leader, John, had already gained the power of Breath before he had gone god-tier and had singly handily made Terezi put up a board of conspiracies surrounding him in her respite block. Rose had never even responded to Doc Scratch or caved into the temptation of Grimdarkness, although some part of her seemed more... Mad? Or at least annoyed at the game and her consorts.

The Genesis Frog had nearly been complete, Jade speeding up the process and somehow not messing everything up in the rush. Only Dave couldn't keep up, something was stopping him from being as well versed in the game as his co-players were.

It was... Different. Much like the old SBURB session Aradia had passively yet purposefully twisted for the betterment of her friends.

It was also curious to mention, that around this time she would have seen Rose's destruction of her consort temple; but the girl seemed to be more pre-occupied to talk to her fellow players instead.

Aradia had seen the differences from the first time, and was for lack of a better word, curious about the effects asking Rose about this would be.

Maybe she would know just what was going on.

-– apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

AA: hell0
TT: Oh, it's you.
AA: what a nice way t0 greet s0meb0dy
TT: I try my best. I suppose you're going to tell me to get to work on advancing this hell hole of a game session?
AA: n0
AA: quite the c0ntray in fact
AA: i need t0 ask y0u s0mething
TT: If it's about anything related to human customs go ask Dave, he'll give you a better answer than I could.
AA: again
AA: n0
AA: its s0mething else
TT: What is it then? I know your aspect is Time but I don't exactly have the luxury of it constantly at my disposal.
AA: f0r s0me0ne wh0 types s0 much i w0uld think y0u d0
AA: but im n0t here t0 push up my snarkiness measurement meter with y0u
AA: what i want to kn0w is simple
AA: why are y0u deviating fr0m your 0riginal c0urse
AA: by n0w y0u were destr0ying the temple
AA: but y0uve been l0unging ar0und talking t0 y0ur friends
AA: yet y0u have succeeded in the m0st efficient ways t0 win
AA: y0u have resisted the efforts 0f manipulati0n by d0c scratch
AA: y0u have n0t g0ne grimdark
AA: y0u have c0llected the needed grist t0 c0mplete the game
AA: y0u have managed t0 breed y0ur genesis fr0g in rec0rd time
AA: and f0r s0me reas0n y0u have y0ur g0d tier p0wers
AA: what are y0u d0ing and h0w
TT: Oh god.
AA: what
TT: You're Looping.
AA: again
AA: what
TT: I knew one of you was.
TT: The session progressed far faster than normal, as our Genesis Frog was not in danger of being corrupted by the... Cancer? I suppose.
TT: Just hold on for a minute. I'll be back.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering apocalypseArisn [AA] --

AA: 0_0

Well, that was not suspicious in the slightest. A twitch of disappointment is heavy in Aradia's body, and she tries not to notice Sollux giving her a weird look for it.

A ping on her computer signals that Rose didn't abandon her, and a new memo appears on her screen.

-- tentacleTherapist added apocalypseArisen [AA] to memo “A troll is Looping. John, Jade, get in here now.” --

TT: Aradia, right?
AA: that is me
AA: what is the meaning 0f this mem0
AA: and what is l00ping
EB: oh my god.
EB: why.
EB: why did it HAVE to be her????
EB: couldn't terezi or at least karkat have been Looping instead, god dammit!
AA: i realize that in the past
AA: i guess
AA: i was n0t kind t0 y0u bef0re 0r had unintentionally scared y0u
AA: im s0rry f0r that
GG: ohmygosh
GG: hi aradia!!! :D
GG: if only dave was looping too this would really make the whole thing complete!!!
GG: i cant believe you are really looping this so AWESOME
EB: no it's not.
GG: dont be such a grumpypuss john >:(
GG: she might not have been all nice or whatever to you but I find her very cool and you should give her another chance
GG: so no more mean words out of you!!
EB: ugh, fine.
AA: im c0nfused
AA: again
TT: Alright let me get this all settled.
TT: Aradia, is this the first time you have felt like everything was repeating?
AA: yes
TT: Okay, good.
TT: You are currently stuck in what is called a Loop. It's apparently a side effect of an ancient tree called Yggspedal going haywire and causing the entire multiverse to go, as you would call it, insane.
EB: rose the tree is called yggdrasil.
EB: i thought you knew that last time i told you.
TT: I wasn't the one to find a universe where there was human eating giant titan people and get explained the basics of all this in first person. Let me make my typo mistakes.
EB: :/
TT: Anyway, yes, the tree named Yggdrasil somehow broke and all of its connected universes were going to be wiped from existence because of the damage. The gods in charge of the tree were forced to push the time spectrum of all its connected universe into a repeating cycle.
TT: Apparently our universe had some sort of 'Skia Procedure' that made it hard to Loop our world because the Genesis Frog, our doomed sessions, and other factors would create an even bigger mess to clean up due to the mass universe spawning. Quite frankly, I wish they had kept us away from this whole Looping business in the first place. But alas, the people who have been doomed to endlessly repeat don't have any say in the matter.
TT: It's quite annoying really. If you're going to do something that intense to an entire universe you might as well tell people you're doing it, rather than have them fumble around in the dark for answers.
AA: im sensing y0u d0 n0t like these l00ps much
TT: How did you guess?
AA: r0b0ts intuiti0n
EB: that doesn't exist.
AA: yes it d0es
GG: okay before we go into arguing or anything
GG: aradia did you understand all of that?
AA: yes
AA: m0stly
GG: mostly?
AA: besides the existence 0f human eating titan pe0ple
AA: which is really weird
AA: h0w did this all c0me t0 happen
TT: We're not so sure really.
TT: Which makes me all the more angry at these so called 'gods'. To actually know and get a full summary on why and how this entire thing truly started would be...
TT: Let me reach into the depths of my vocabulary for a second.
TT: Nice.
EB: i don't know, without the upper god people we would be wiped from existence and all. pretty fair deal to pick unknowingness before death.
EB: besides, maybe ill run into the titan people again! or other universe guys, they can tell me more. it's not like we won't learn anything in the long run.
AA: s0rry j0hn but ill have t0 disagree with that
AA: it is kn0wledge that sh0ws y0u the w0rlds path
AA: life and death with0ut kn0wledge will never lead t0 g00d
AA: its necessary t0 live 0n 0nes 0wn terms rather than accept a ch0sen fate
AA: and while i am n0t certain ab0ut these s0 called g0ds and if they are justified in the l00ps
AA: i d0 kn0w that preventing us fr0m seeing why we are stuck like this is n0t justified
AA: n0 matter if it is accidental 0r n0t
TT: See John? Two against one.
EB: jade come on, side with me here!
GG: i dont know john i have to agree with them on this one
GG: even though its been lots of fun spending time with all of you
GG: not knowing why or how
GG: its kind of annoying :/
EB: well i...
EB: yeah I guess youre right.
GG: i always am :)
EB: hehe yeah. :B
GG: :O
GG: john i havent seen you use that emote in so long!!
EB: well at first I thought it was kind of stupid and immature.
EB: but now its silly.
EB: and also perfect for this conversation!
GG :D
EB: :)
AA: 0u0
TT: What's that?
AA: 0h its supp0sed t0 be a smiley face
AA: i th0ught it might suit this t00
AA: but it l00ks dumb i supp0se
GG: no way!
GG: i love it!!!
AA: really
GG: mhmm :)
AA: 0u0
AA: it d0es l00k nice
AA: n0w that i see it again
AA: 0u0
AA: l00k at that little u g0
GG: ouo
AA: 0u0
GG: OuO
AA: 0uo
GG: ouO
EB: oh my god.
AA: 0o0
GG: owo
AA: 0e0
AA: that 0ne l00ks like a h00fbeast
GG: what about....
GG: OcO
AA: 0c0
AA: its surprised
AA: 0c0
AA: i like this face
TT: I think I'll leave you two to bond over emotes. For now I have to entertain Dave, he keeps on pestering me about a consort named 'Nikle Nakle'.

-– tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo --

GG: oh bye rose!!!
AA: 0c0
AA: i am surprised she left
AA: see im using the em0te
GG: OuO
AA: 0u0
GG: come on john join in!!!! OuO
AA: 0u0
EB: no.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased responding to memo --

AA: 0n0
GG: hurf
GG: john can be so rude sometimes im sorry for that
AA: 0h n0 its fine!
AA: i think i w0uld much rather stay here with just y0u instead
GG: aw shucks
GG: O///O
GG: that can be the blush face!
AA: yeah
AA: 0///0
AA: that w0rks perfectly
GG: OuO
AA: 0u0
GG: oUo

“Aradia.”

Aradia jumps a bit, startled by Equius's strong voice ringing out from behind her.

“Yes, Equius?” Is her reply, Aradia internally hating the way her voice sounds fake and out of use. She much prefers how it looks on screen, even though red would be a better color choice.

He gives Aradia a weird look. “You are... Smiling.”

Robotic eyes blink in surprise as Aradia moves one of her hands towards her lips.

It's curved up.

“... I guess I am.”

"Pardon me for asking but," Equius's eyebrows furrows as he scans her robotic shell for any problems. "Is your programming alright? Do you require any adjustments?"

For a second Aradia says nothing.

GG: uhm aradia?
GG: are you there :(
GG: was the oUo thing too weird or something

"I'm okay Equius."

AA: s0rry i was just distracted

"Are you certain?"

GG: dont worry about it
GG: OuO

"Yeah."

AA: 0u0

"I'm just fine."

Chapter Text

"Come on, John, this is basic biology!" Jade frowned.

"We're in seventh grade when the game starts, I never got to take biology!" John also frowned.

"I'm not even making you follow a whole biology curriculum, just the Genesis Frog breeding stuff," Jade sighed, leaning on the cosmobiology equipment.

"That's the hard stuff!" John huffed.

Jade remained silent for a minute. "Alright, we'll start from the beginning," She said, standing up straight again. "Next time you're Awake earlier than normal, you're taking bio earlier." She gave him a stern look.

John attempted to return the look and failed. "... Fine."

Jade smiled and clapped. "Good! Now, back to what we were doing..."

--------

EB: jade's making me learn the genesis frog breeding stuff.
EB: i don't understand any of it.
TG: its not hard stuff john
EB: what? you too?
EB: i thought you would sympathize with me on this.
TG: i did that stuff in baseline john
TG: its really not difficult
TG: you just gotta get the right mindset
EB: did you actually do any of the breeding or were you just hunting frogs?
TG: ...
TG: dammit john
EB: i knew it.

Chapter Text

White hot screeching light smashed against the wall, tearing through the concrete steel structure.

Eridan had gone insane.

Kanaya tried to take deep breaths to steady her nerves, gripping the Matriorb tightly against her chest. The spikes were painful and poked through her skin as she hugged it close but Kanaya could not care less right now.

Feferi and Sollux were dead.

The jade blood shut her eyes as another shot echoed out through the room. Eridan was going to single her out soon. The computer desk she was hiding behind was not going to offer any protection.

She was going to die.

When a cold metallic hand placed itself on her right shoulder, Kanaya snapped her head to face Aradia.

Her friends robotic body had seen better days. Aradia's right hand had been blown off and her shoulder was hinging on the verge of breaking. There was a hole in her side, blue blood dripping down from all the wounds; although in much less quantity than it was before.

“Relax.” Aradia said, another blast going off in the near distance.

Kanaya shook her head, “I-I'm sorry. Just, it is really hard to relax when two of your friends just died in front of you and someone you trusted who murdered them is now coming after you.”

“It's fine. Feferi and Sollux are in a better place now.” Aradia calmly replied. “I know about death, as you can plainly see.”

Kanaya just nodded in response, moving a bit closer to Aradia when she saw a flash of purple cape pass by them. Her robotic body was cold, yet it started to become warm when Aradia pulled Kanaya closer.

“I'm sorry about this.”

Kanaya blinked, looking up at Aradia again. “What do you mean? Nobody could have seen this coming.”

“I did.” She whispered, turning away from Kanaya to face the floor.

“Normally I would ask you if your robotic eyes had anything to do with it but right now I am pretty raw and emotional right now so I ask in the most polite way I can, what the ever-loving fuck are you talking about?”

Aradia frowned, “I wish you would know. It would be nice not to be so alone in the Loops.”

“Loops?”

She nodded as another blast went off. “I would explain it to you right now but you won't remember it once this one is over.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Never mind.” She sighed, taking a peek out to see what Eridan was doing. He had stopped his streak for vengeance to catch his breath. His highblood rage was still clouding his mind, but his body had its limits.

Kanaya was still curious about these Loops, but figured Eridan was more of a priority. “What's he doing now?”

“Giving us a good time to strike.” Aradia answered. “I'm going to charge him and once he is distracted fighting me I need you to go and subdue him. Please don't kill him. We already have enough death here as is.”

The jade blood nodded despite her hesitance about a non-violent approach. She took in a deep breath, putting down the Matriorb and adjusting it in just the right position to stop it from rolling anywhere. Kanaya gave Aradia a nod to signal that she was ready to begin the plan.

“On my mark...” Aradia trialed off, the nearby computers beginning to take a white glow as she got ready to begin.

Kanaya took another breath.

“NOW!”

Aradia burst out from behind the desk, white telekinesis radiating from her body as she charged straight at Eridan.

Kanaya slipped away from the cover, trying to avoid the violet bloods sight to prepare for a sneak attack.

Eridan screamed in fury as he shot at a computer aiming for his legs, taking out another one of the machines with a punch that left his fist bloody and broken. Aradia flung more of them at him, Eridan yelling in pure anger at her every attempt.

Kanaya's movements were fast and she wasted no time in her own attack. Tackling Eridan after he smashed his fifth computer, she slammed him onto the ground.

The violet blood hissed in pain, struggling desperately in Kanaya's pin. He clawed at her arms, his fanged teeth gnashing and trying to bite at Kanaya; legs kicking out in his attempt to regain an upper hand.

“GET THE FUCK OFF A ME YOU DIRT SCRAPIN' PEICE A SHIT GREEN PALE WHORE!” Eridan screamed, elbowing her in gut.

Kanaya bit her lip to suppress her own cry of pain, pushing his flailing arms back down on the ground.

“Eridan, please, calm down!” She yelled, getting his head firm on the concrete floor.

He began to mouth out another insult before a white light engulfed him. Aradia's left hand was similarly enveloped with the shine of telekinesis, as her right arm had fallen off in the conflict, and Eridan felt his body forcibly go limp under her influence.

“You can get off of him now Kanaya.” Aradia said.

Kanaya did. Getting up and clutching her bruised stomach she sat down next to Eridan, who had begun to scream again.

“I FUCKIN' HATE ALL A YOU!!! DIE YOU ASS WIPIN' RUST BLOODED BITCH I HOPE YOU BURN IN THAT ROBOT BODY!!!”

Aradia didn't look effected. “This is just until you calm down.” She explained. “Kanaya, could you please capchalouge his weapon?

“NO! THAT'S AHABS COD FUCKIN' CROSSHAIRS!! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THAT GUN YOU SHITTY AUSTIPICING SACK OF COW MANURE!”

Kanaya stood up, grabbing Ahabs Crosshairs and capchalouging it. Now until the time was right, Eridan's weapon would be out of reach.

He screamed again, trying to get out of Aradia's grasp with no effort. It took four seconds before he realized it wouldn't work, and six more to start sobbing.

Kanaya bit her lip, looking at Aradia. Her telekinetic hold on Eridan was shaking, flicking slightly. Her face showed nothing.

“Kanaya, I think you should see how Feferi and Sollux are doing.” Aradia suggested, Eridan beginning to cry harder at the mention of the heiress and her matesprite.

The jade blood hesitated, not wanting to leave either of them alone. “I... I suppose. Yes. I'll go.”

Aradia didn't reply, her telekinesis slightly strengthening as Eridan's sobs grew quieter.

Kanaya turned to go, rushing into the room where this all started.

As soon as Kanaya had left Eridan began bawling, Aradia's concentration breaking and the violet blood fell to the floor. He didn't seem to care, now curling in on himself and shaking.

Aradia was quiet, staring at her friend's shivering form.

She would not let this happen again.

They would all live.

She would make sure they all live.

Even if they wouldn't remember.

“I'm so sorry.”

Chapter Text

Jasprosesprite^2 hovered above the floating disk in space contently.

"I'm strangely okay with this," She remarked.

Rose had a bit of difficulty containing herself for a moment, but then an idea dawned on her. "Hm...I think it would be rather interesting to study the effects of prototyping sprites with Loopers, don't you?"

Jasprosesprite^2 thought for a moment. "I can't access our subspace pocket," She concluded. "More side effects will probably reveal themselves over time." Rose nodded.

"Looks like we have a new project," She decided.

Chapter Text

-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TG: dude get over here
TG: something went way wrong
EB: what? what did you do dave?
TG: you're gonna need to see this

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

...

===> John: Go to Dave

You are John, today is your thirteenth birthday, this is your four hundredth and sixty fifth loop, and your friend Dave needs you. Seems simply enough. You pull your rocket pack from your subspace pocket (so much easier than a syllidex) and fly to your friends domicile.

Upon arrival, you are greeted to the egregiously disturbing view of an entire army of Dave's. In fact, you see so many, you are convinced that this quantity of Dave's fully qualifies as a 'shitload' of Dave's. You take note that they are all staring at you.

"Uh..."

A Dave points at you. "Get him!"

You do not waste time wondering why the Dave's want to kill you. You leap from the window, and leg it with all the power being the Heir of Winds affords you. Had you been a James Bond villain, perhaps you would have produced an exiting one-liner. In retrospect, it may have been a good idea to consult Colonel Sassacre's enormous text.

But in this momentary lapse of concentration, the Dave Army has collectively flash stepped to your flying location. You are literally buried underneath the pile of Dave's. As you and your entourage of hostile bisexual hipsters lands on a roof nearby, you raise the question you've been meaning to ask.

===> John: Ask the question!

"Where's my dinner!"

===> Not that question John!

"Why are you all trying to kill me?"

The Dave's consult each other without verbal interaction. They merely glance at each other to commune their emotional states. "Dude, army of us, one of you: might as well try once. Hey, you're the anchor guy. You know what this is?"

"What, you're not all from alternate futures or something?"

"Nah, we'll like, clones or something."

"Oooooh, that thing! Yeah, I know that thing. Armin told me about it."

"Your blond Shota friend from an 'alternate universe with Kaiju-zombies inside a god-tree'?"

"Haha, very funny. This is something called a 'Mikasa Glitch'. Infinite, endless copies of you. Everywhere. Apparently it's a glitch in Yggdrasil."

You observe as the Dave's silently convene, and await their response. It is not long before they come to a conclusion. "So now what?"

You shrug. You're no more knowledgeable than the army. "I don't know. What do you do with an army of Dave's?"

===> Dave and John: Flash forward.

"Attack!" You cry out, your massive cache of mangrist lending strength and whole ness to your voice. The Army of Dave's wielding their broken swords, attack the imps. In seconds, all of Derse has fallen before you am your allies forces. You may now commence in the bathing in boon-dollars, and the glee of a job done well, and simple.

Yay!

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Your name is Equius Zahhak. You are a high blood troll, laden with muscles, and have been considered a badass by numerous other trolls and beings. It helps that you are, indeed, a badass. You're Badassery though does not explain... why you're in the past... exactly. Isn't this Aradia's thing?

Speaking of which, where is Aradia anyway? You could have sworn you had built her body... or will... or... what? This time travel is really confusing you. Perhaps it would be best to actually figure out here you are before you end up attempting anything more complicated than a fist bump with your Lusus.

...

===> Equius: Kill Gamzee!

Your staunch refusal to kill a high blood kicks in, followed almost immediately by your knowledge of what Gamzee will do if you allow him to live. You are immediately paralyzed by indecision. This would probably be a good time to do some soul searching.

...

===> Reader: Learn more about Equius!

You are Equius Zahhak. You've already been through this so you're not going to bother with the introductions. Instead you will proceed downward into your hive tower and retrieve Aradia's present, a robot you designed to give her a body. You need to... adjust it.

Down in your robot brawling cage/workshop, you extract Aradia's robot-body from it's pile. The spirit-form-to-physical-interface is routed through the robot's chest, along with your naturally superior blue blood, meant to replace her inferior red blood, found lower on the hemospectrum.

You open the robot's chest and immediately denote that in your haste to alter your design you've bend the metal inward. Your strength in both a blessing and a curse, but more a curse in this situation. You reach in and grab the robot's heart.

You extract the artificial heart and remove the romance chip you built into it. This will not prevent Aradia from feeling romance, but since Aradia is dead (what a twist) she lacks the ability to do so. You need to reprogram this chip to be more open ended.

Outside you hear Vriska dealing with her custodian, a monstrous Lusus that eats other Trolls and would eat Vriska if she didn't feed him regularly. After a second of recollection, you realize that your Lusus and incredible butler Arthur has yet to arrive with his fresh and frothy cup of Lusus milk that you drink to be strong. As you recollect further, you also recall that at some point, something, possible an explosion triggered by... someone, will lead to Arthur's death an this enable you to prototype his corpse upon your Kernal-sprite.

You don't particularly care about this, seeing as it was your robot that exploded and lead to the chain of reaction that caused your hive to fall over and this necessitated Aradia translating you and it into the Medi- Holy shit was that an explosion!

By strange coincidence an explosion, one not your doing this time, has detonated the doomsday device that Vriska built for Eridan. This qualifier is not something you would know, of course. However this does little to change the fact your hive will soon begin to fall and eventually almost crush Vriska's Lusus, before Aradia steps in and transports you into the Medium.

Aaaaand... there goes the second explosion. And your hive is falling again. For a second, you indulge yourself in low-blooded language to best communicate your feelings regarding the delicate matter. "FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!"

Your house vanishes into the Land of Caves and Silence, more colloquially known as LOCAS. This is of little consequence though, as you have more... pressing matters to attend to. You must inform Aradia of the deal.

-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] --

CT: D --> Aradia, here's the deal
CT: D --> Now that the game has begun, the chain of command will be changing
AA: n0
CT: D --> What? You have an objection?
AA: y0u will remain as captain of the blue team
CT: D --> Well... I mean, yes.
CT: D --> I am the leader, because I possess the purest b100d on our team.
CT: D --> but... are you sure you have no objection?
AA: i have an 0bjection
CT: D --> Yes, let's hear it
AA: i request that karkat vantas be 0ur leader
CT: D --> Uh...
CT: D --> What?
AA: i request that karkat vantas be our leader and y0u his subject for all eternity
AA: his subject and his bitch
CT: D --> I need to find a towel.
CT: D --> Wait! You did this!
AA: did what
CT: D --> You're the one responsible for the time travel, aren't you!
CT: D --> Aren't you Aradia?
CT: D --> This is your fault Aradia!
CT: D --> Aradia?
CT: D --> Aradia?
CT: D --> Uh... I take it back. This is my fault entirely.
CT: D --> Seriously, I was out of line.
CT: D --> Hello?

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]--

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT]--

CT: D --> What the fuck?
CT: D --> I mean, fiddlesticks, what's happening?
EB: what did you do to aradia equius?
EB: she keeps insisting that you're looping, but that's not possible.
CT: D --> She's the time player John, she should know
EB: you know who i am
EB: that shouldn't be possible
CT: D --> Time. Travel.
EB: FUCK!
EB: erg... welcome to the loops equius. just... just get aradia her robot body. she can explain everything.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT] --

CT: D --> ...
CT: D --> What is this...?

...

===>Equius: Jump!

"STRONG jump!"

You climb to the top of your house and jump into the portal above, Aradia's robotic body strewn across your shoulders. The spirographic portal warps you from LOCAS to Aradia's world, and you fall out of it to Aradia's house. Naturally, you fall STRONGLY.

"STRONG fall!"

Aradia's already entered the robot body by the time you land. Despite her low birth, you receive the impression that she has practiced this extensively. It is most certainly a trait that she with her advanced psychic abilities must have developed. You feel yourself start to sweat at the shameless display of false superiority from a lowblood. "Aradia... what do you feel?"

"...Ribbit."

Aradia's reply is as predictable as she is shameless. Then she slaps you. You slap back. She slaps you again. You return the favor. So on and so forth, until you kiss. Then you resume slapping each other, and then again you kiss. You hate her, you love her, you want to destroy her, you want her kids.

Such is the relationship between beings who switch between Matesprits and Kimesiss.

It is after the repetitious series of slapping and kissing subsides that you recall the reason why you have arrived on her planet. "Aradia, John Egbert informed me earlier that you were knowledgeable towards the predicament of my temporal displacement."

Aradia groans, implying that the following is a conversation she does not want to have. "Equius, for the past several hundred-to-thousand years, our universe, along with John's have been trapped within an unending time Loop that we have had no control over."

"A time Loop? How is such an occurrence possible? Surely it would be impossible!"

Aradia glances at the camera (which no one knows about!) and answers the question. "Apparently, a giant tree exists that contains all universes. Including ours and the one we created... but the one we created isn't the same sort of universe. It's... complicated."

"Hmm..."

"..."

"Continue, Aradia."

"I shall."

...

"Hmm..."

"..."

"That is an interesting tale Aradia."

"Is it?"

"Yes. However, since it is in such blatant disregard for the hemospectrum's naturally ordained blood structure-"

You do not complete that sentence. Aradia grabs you telekinetically and starts flipping you into the ground repeatedly. She relents after a moment. You retaliate and punch an arm off her.

"I hate you."

"I hate you to."

"I love you."

"I love you to."

You return to the matter at hand. "Such a situation does not seem to be possible. In fact-"

John Egbert appears before you. You punch him across the planet. "I would almost be under the impression it would not be possible had I not witnessed such an event as I just did."

John appears again, this time with Dave in tow. "Dude, I totally told you. 'Don't send a doomed time-line me, it'll just send a bad impression.' Ha, and ha."

"Yeah right," John grumbles. He flashes you the peace sign... of course you have no idea what that is. "Hello Equius. How's your first loop treating you?"

"I am... terribly confused. Such occurrence, while an event I would have understood in the context of Sgrub, is very disturbing."

Dave shrugs. "Eh. You'll come around to it man. What I want to know is how you ended up waking up before like, Karkat or someone?"

A moment passes, during which you cannot speak. Aradia gently takes your hand, and squeezes it. She breaks your fingers. Dave slaps his face. "Of-fucking-course."

Chapter Text

-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

TA: 2triider. hey 2triider
TA: god dammiit 2triider get iin here
TG: ugh
TG: what what do you want
TA: ii want two know iif ii can have your a22.
TG: i don't have an a22
TG: wait
TG: why do you want my ass this choice cut of meat is not on the market
TA: but we're haviing an a22 famiine. Ii heard you were giiviing them away
TG: i knew that would come back to haunt me
TA: hey, you saiid iit, not me.
TA: well, you diid say iit.
TA: iin the la2t 2e22ion.
TG: what the hell are you talking about
TA: you know how ii have all the code2?
TG: you never shut up about it
TA: well ii figured out that the biig computer tree that ran everythiing was 2usted and tiime loopiing.
TG: how the fuck did you figure that one out
TA: ii hacked doc 2cratch'2 type-wriiter. ii deduced iit from iit'2 iinteraction2 wiith our uniiver2e. you ju2t told me. and ii remember it.
TG: welp
TG: fuck
TG: first aradia after that equius then kanaya and karkat then nepeta and now you
TA: the fiir2t iis my ex-giirlfriend the 2econd-two-la2t iis my bro. what did you thiink would happen?
TG: dude you're the sixth troll in ten loops seriously what the fuck is up with this shit
TA: now that, ii don't know.
TA: 2o can ii stiill have your a22?
TG: no

-- turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked twinArmegeddons [TA] --

Chapter Text

===> Gamzee: Examine Miracle Modus

You stare at your miracle Modus. Sometimes you just like to stick things in and... watch the colors. It's so relax- why do you feel like you've been stabbed!

===> Gamzee: Be Nepeta

You can't be Nepeta, because you're dead.

===> Nepeta: Loop

"HeyAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

You awaken from your nightmare, soaked in enough sweat to make Equius jealous. The dreams of the hunt were never this horrible. It is only after you've calmed down considerably that you consciously realize that what you've just witness is not in fact a dream. You rush to your computer.

The date is read. Your jaw is dropped. You're in your cave. Your lusus is snoozing. You sprint out and stare into the sky, where the green and pink moons of Alternia hang in the sky. Is this even possible? Are you dead? Are you dreaming?

You're dreaming. You're dreaming hard. Which means...

'Mess with me and my moiral will you? You're going down Gamzee!'

You... spend the next few hours staring at your claws and wondering about the morality of killing the mentally unsound. On the one law, he strangled Equius and beat you to death with his pins. On the other paw, he's completely insane, and merged your body with Feferi's in a sprite.

That was weird.

You sigh, and adjust your claws. Gamzee may be your friend, but he's still a threat. You guess, if it falls to no one else, it falls to you. Gamzee is not getting into Sgrub. He's just... too dangerous.

For her friends, you'd have to, be Aradia! "Don't do it!"

You suddenly stop being Nepeta and are now Aradia Megido. Well... one of her doomed robot selves. But same thing. "Don't kill Gamzee!"

"Uh..." Nepeta is confused. Now look at what you've done! "What... how do you have your... Robot... getup? Didn't Equius give you that after... oh! Time player thing! You did this. :33"

"Time player..." as a robot-ghost-troll-alien, Aradia (that is, you) aren't exactly equipped to be emotional. But you can certainly express pure shock. "Oh no... not you two."

"Me two what?"

You facepalm. "Alright... I need to get on Trollian. Give me a second." You get on Trollian. You get off Trollian. "Alright, John is up to date."

"Isn't John the human? Oh, is he Rose's friend!?!" Nepeta is quite gleeful. In fact, you're not sure how she could be so happy. She knows if John is out there, then Rose is out there. And if Rose is out there, Jaspersprite isn't too far away.

You don't comment. "Right. Well, I'm going to give you the basic, 'welcome to the loops' speech. The short of it is this: there exists a tree called Yggdrasil..."

...

You're quaking. Shivering. Dancing upon the tips of your toes! You've never been so excited! "You mean there are places out there where I could really, really be a meowbeast!?!"

===> Aradia: Be annoyed

Aradia is annoyed. "Yes, for the seventh time, you could wake up as a cat. Maybe Rose/Roxy's cat, Jaspers/Frigglish."

"Le gasp!"

"...Le sign."

"What?"

"Nothing. You need to know the rules though." You tap your chin. "No telling anyone that this is occurring."

"They'd never believe us?"

"It would cause an instant doomed timeline. I'm not going through with that. Rule 2: do not try to reach god-tier."

"But I can face my death now!"

"The universe just doesn't like it when we god tier. It's not part of 'the plan.' Rule 3: in the event of situations that do not match up with what you recall happening, do not panic. It might be a variant."

"Okay..."

"You're not listening are you?"

"This is really boring." Nepeta winced. "So... I can't tell anyone?"

"No."

"Not Karkat?"

"No."

"Not even Equius?"

"No."

"But-"

"Moirallegiance or not, you can't tell him."

"Aww..." Nepeta visibly shrunk. "Not even Terezi?"

You sigh, and rest a hand on Nepeta's shoulder. "I'm sorry. But we can't be forthright. The universe is just the way it is. For now, at least."

Nepeta looks at you, and a faint little grin spread across her face. "But can't I just kill Gamzee? Please?"

"No, I only just got back from the timeline where you did. That timeline sucked balls."

"Oh... Well, I'll do my best to save everyone! I can save everyone, right?"

You are silent. Though it may be painful, you shan't ruin Nepeta's hope. You're not Eridan after all. "Not everyone. But you can save many lives Nepeta. I know you can."

"Yay!" Nepeta's claws slipped out. "Let's do this thing!"

...

Aradia and Nepeta stared. Eridan and Karkat were kissing. Kanaya and Vriska were discussing what they would do on their next date. Terezi and Sollux were alternatively arguing and making out. Aradia turned to Nepeta. "You did this."

Nepeta lightly scratched the back of her head. "I... no, I really have no idea what happened."

Aradia grumbled. "Well now you have all the ships. All of them."

Chapter Text

I Was Born In The Sun
I Was Born To Have Fun
In Its Sharp Rays And
In Its Bright Blaze
I Was Born To Have Fun

But Then It Was Gone
It Was Lost In The Dawn
The Dawn Of A World
A World That Unfurled
And Became Overdrawn

I Was Lost In The Dark
Back Then I Was Stark
Dead In My Mind
And Dead In My Heart

Then I Saw You
You And Your Heart
To Me You Were Art
And Then I Just Knew

Youre My Little Sun
Youre My Only One
The One Who Is Right
In My Heart Youre The Light

Youre My Little Sun...

Kanaya set the guitar down and smiled a little at Rose. "So... what did you think?"

Rose chewed her lips. "Uh... well... it's a... good try. For a first attempt. It was terrible."

Kanaya sighed and grabbed the guitar she had borrowed from Jade. "Back to the drawing board."

Rose smiled at her matesprit. "You don't need to, you know. I'm fine with you the way you are."

Kanaya stood up and flipped the borrowed guitar over her shoulder. "You have an instrument. I might as well learn one."

"You don't need to."

"I want to."

Chapter Text

As the Black Hole grew, engulfing the battlefield and eliminating the Green Sun, Vriska grinned and held up her red box, now opened up to unleashed the all-powerful Juju against the greatest threat to Paradox Space: Lord English, who now had his rotating billiard ball eyes stuck on two black 8s, embodying his end.

Meanwhile, Aradia look onward from a distance. Watching the black hole eat away everything was nice the first couple of Loops, but after that she got more interest in seeing how the Juju took out Lord English. Sometimes it vaporized him for good, sometimes it sealed him away in itself, sometimes it knocked Lord English into the black hole and sometimes it released John and his three friend to fight him, with Dave using Caledfwch to finish him off.

Her favorite time was when Dave finished off Lord English, before seeing his ghost appear with John and his friends throwing the ghost into the black hole, killing him twice.

Only this time, there was something off with the weapon. While it usually glowed with the colors and symbols of John and his friends, this time, the Juju was glowing pink, and the symbols were with... Pigs? 'This has never happened before' Aradia thought, confused as all hell.

As the Juju continued to flash pink, it suddenly slammed down behind Vriska, causing great white cracks in the ground and a door appeared on one of its four squares, waiting to release something.

BAM!

Lord English gasped, trying to get in a breath as his stomach was struck at ludicrous speeds by--!

"W8 a second.” said Vriska, her smile quickly dropping off of her face. “Are those……”

“hams?” Aradia finished.

Indeed, what struck Lord English in the gut with enough for to leave him gasping for breath were three hams.

BAM!

The weapon fired again, only this time the ham was much larger, whiter, and aimed directly towards his mouth.

“HURK!! ACK!! GAK!!” Lord English coughed and wheezed like no tomorrow.

“I can’t believe it." Vriska said completely dumbfounded.

“hes choking” Aradia uttered in disbelief.

“GACK! GAck ack...” Eventually, Lord English collapsed onto the ground, dead from lack of oxygen.

JUST

“…that’s it!? That’s how this all ends!? With the gr8 and all-powerful nemesis choking to death!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Vriska shouted, her eye twitching. “This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!”

“it appears so” Aradia replied.

"This is stupid!!!!!!!!" Vriska yelled. "This is a stupid victory! I can’t tell you how much dumb this is!!!!!!!! Why why wh8 wh8 wh8 wh8!!!!!!!!”

Aradia decided to leave Vriska to her tantrum.

"i better talk to john about this as well terezi and rose as well since it would help to have some seers to figure this out” Aradia said to herself. “its not going to be easy making a cue ball ham and getting john and his friends to trick caliborn into sucking the hams into the weapon and oh my gog vriska is right this is stupid”

Aradia then flied off with her head in a dual facepalm while Vriska continued to scream in frustration.