Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The air tasted of ash. Corpse ash, he noted numbly. 

He glanced down.

His head hurt.

Grotesque bodies laid at his feet - some painted in crimson and reaching out with looks of horror permanently twisted onto their faces, while others were entirely limp and emotionless in death, bleeding white ichor from their wounds.

He raised his gaze and the air seemed to twist before a man appeared before him. His foot, he noticed, fell upon one of the creatures , staining the man’s shoe with its terribly inaccurate version of blood as its skull was crushed under his heel.

Kakashi licked his dry lips, inadvertently wetting his mask.

There was a ringing in his ears.

The man - whose face he knew so, so well even if he didn’t want to admit it - stared at him impassively for all of a moment before his lips twisted into a snarl, and his eyes creased at the corners - not in the way they had when he had laughed as a teenager, but in a way that showed his absolute hatred of Kakashi.

His mouth opened before and, before he even knew what he was doing, two words tumbled from his lips. “I’m sorry.”

His vision became blurred.

He watched the man’s scarred face transform into something even angrier , and Kakashi’s heart clenched when he saw a child’s features overlaid on the man’s (once so cheerful, so hopeful , and now twisted beyond belief).

Before he could even blink, Kakashi was thrown against a wall - cracked concrete that was just barely held together - with a hand wrapped around his throat.

“It’s your fault ,” Tobi - Obito - snarled, coal bleeding into a familiar crimson. “It’s your fault she’s DEAD !”

Kakashi wished he could say something - anything - but instead he simply stared, unable to move his lips.

His eyelids felt so heavy even as his muscles jumped to alertness.

He watched as Obito screamed at him - cried at him - but he couldn’t hear a word he was saying in his cotton-filled ears.

It almost felt like he wasn’t there. Like he was someone watching from the outside - a spectator in a battle that wasn’t his.

Like—

Kakashi awoke with a gasp - the taste of ash left as nothing but a whisper on his tongue. He was awake for all of a second before he was leaning over the side of his bed, bile spilling from his lips and into the bucket that he now kept close.

(He had gotten sick of cleaning his floors after the third time this had happened. Now he was on the seventh.)

After several minutes of heaving, Kakashi finally let out a shuddering breath and rolled back onto his bed to stare at the ceiling.

“Impossible,” he whispered through dry lips. 

Kakashi took in a shuddering breath and waited a moment before speaking, voice much more firm than before. “ Impossible .”

He closed his eyes for a moment, willing away the ache in his muscles before he pushed himself upwards. After smoothing out his features, he trekked to the bathroom to wash out his mouth.

Everything would be fine.

Kakashi was almost glad when Obito showed up the next day, late as usual. He’d never tell the moron, of course, but he was just a little less vindictive when he told him off than usual.

“Shut up, Bakashi!” Obito snapped back with a flicker of anger in his eyes. “Moriko-oba-san needed help with her groceries - I couldn’t just leave her! And Fumihiro-ojiii-san threw out his back last week, and it’d be rude if I just left him to take out his garbage by himself, so—”

“A shinobi should always be on time,” Kakashi interrupted, foregoing his usual glare at the boy and instead smoothing out his features. “Punctuality can be the difference between the failure and success of a mission. Not to mention that it’s one of the rules of shinobi conduct.”

Obito’s face flushed red and he scowled. “Rules, rules, rules! All you care about are the rules! How do you know that you won’t be the one in trouble just following ‘em all the time instead, huh ?!” he yelled, shoving his finger in Kakashi’s face, though at that point, he could barely even make out his words. “Maybe you’ll be wrong for once, and everything will go wrong because you’re too damn focused on the rules!”

( There was barely even any blood, it was all so quick. It only dribbled from his lips, and his dirtied skin was so pale , and Rin looked as if she might break at any moment — )

“What are you staring at, Bakashi?!” Obito yelled, immediately snapping Kakashi out of his thoughts. His eyes roved over his teammates, and he looked away as soon as he noticed the mildly concerned looks on Minato-sensei’s and Rin’s faces.

“Not your ugly mug, that’s for sure.”

There was a moment of silence before his two saner teammates let out twin sighs, while Obito looked just about ready to go for the kill.

Before he could, though, Minato-sensei stepped forwards and placed a hand on his shoulder, while the other went to Kakashi’s. He barely suppressed a minute flinch, and from the quick, quizzical look he received from the man, it wasn’t enough. He didn’t push, though, instead speaking up.

“Calm down, you two,” he said, leveling a look at both of them. “We don’t have any time for fighting. We’re already late enough, and we need to get to the mission office.”

Obito had the decency to look ashamed at the mention of lateness, and despite the fact that there was still a flame in his eyes, he forced a nod. Kakashi offered his own quick one, and after a few moments, the man allowed a suspiciously sadistic smile to grace his lips.

“Right!” he said, slipping into his cheerful persona with a clap. “Let’s get a move on, shall we?”

Kakashi’s eyes flicked to the side at Obito’s cursing, watching as the cat in his arms squirmed to get away, vengeance in his eyes. Thin scratches were rapidly piling up on his skin, and although it seemed as if Rin wanted to help, she had enough self-preservation to know that doing such was a bad idea , and it had been Obito who volunteered in the first place, so it wasn’t like he’d hand it over to her anyway.

(Sensei, though, seemed far too amused. It wasn’t anything new, though. Underneath that kind exterior was a sadist and his entire team knew it, even if no one else believed them.)

After a few minutes of watching the pitiful scene, the silver-haired boy let out a sigh and reached over, grabbing the cat by the scruff of his neck - while also being careful to support its lower body so it didn’t freak out - and causing it to go limp in his arms.

Obito’s jaw dropped, and he blinked at him uncomprehendingly.

Kakashi raised a brow. “Can’t even tame a cat, dead last?”

Minato-sensei snorted, and Kakashi pointedly did not look at his amused brow raise (because sure, he went through the same thing when he first started doing the ‘Capture-the-Cat’ missions, but he reserved the right to make fun of others as a veteran).

Obito’s jaw clicked back in place and he snarled. “Oh shut it, Bakashi! It’s not like catching cats has anything to do with ninja training, anyway!”

“Actually,” Rin piped up with a sympathetic expression, “We’ll have to catch rogue shinobi for some missions, so we actually do need to be good at this.”

Obito slumped, and Kakashi squinted when he thought he saw a rain cloud hovering above him. He then kicked the dirt, grumbling to himself about ‘stupid cats’ and ‘dumb Bakashi’ while Rin patted his back comfortingly.

“That was nice of you,” Minato-sensei commented, moving to walk closer to Kakashi.

“It was painful just looking at him,” Kakashi deadpanned.

The blonde rolled his eyes, though he had a fond expression on his face that betrayed his thoughts. “Still,” he pressed, “Doesn’t seem like something you’d normally do.”

And, well… He was right. Normally , Kakashi would just let Obito fumble with the cat until they reached the tower, but there was an uneasy feeling that welled up within his stomach when he saw that he began to shed blood from the scratches.

He chose not to say any of that, though, and retained his bored expression. “It’ll make this go faster, and I don’t want to be walking around doing nothing for longer than I have to.”

Minato frowned slightly, and when Kakashi’s gut began to twist, he averted his gaze to the grumpy cat in his eyes. Kakashi scowled at Tora  - no, he thought with a flicker of confusion, it was Raion - and the cat scowled back. He didn’t bother fighting back anymore, though, instead looking away a moment later with a sniff and a pout that seemed weirdly human.

“So, Kakashi,” Rin said suddenly, causing Kakashi to tense before he covered it up with a look of indifference. “How did you know how to do that?” At the raise of a brow, she smiled and gestured towards the cat in his arms. “To make Raion calm down, I mean.”

Kakashi’s eyes flicked between his teammates - all three of which were clearly listening, even if Obito tried (and failed) to seem subtle about it. “A cat’s mother carries a kitten by their scruff, and because of that, they have a built-in-reflex to go limp when that happens.” He glanced down at Raion, who was looking off boredly into the distance. “You shouldn’t do it with older cats since it escalates their anxiety, but if you support their lower body and carry them properly while you do it, they’ll be fine.”

Rin blinked in surprise, glancing between him and Raion. “Really? How’d you know that?”

“You do something similar with dogs, except it’s dominance based. I asked about it once, and—” He froze suddenly, taking in a sharp breath. He swallowed, looking away. “And my dad told me.”

Kakashi felt the mood shift, and he cursed internally for slipping up. He hadn’t talked about his father in years, and now he was suddenly sharing random lessons he was taught by him. What the hell was he even thinking ?

He startled when he felt a hand fall upon his shoulder, gaze trailing upwards until they found Minato-sensei’s softly smiling face. “Well, that’s interesting. Even I didn’t know about that.”

“Huuuh?” Obito let out, face scrunching up. “Why would Bakashi’s dad know when you don’t?”

Rin reprimanded him softly, and Obito had the decency to look slightly guilty. Then, to Kakashi’s surprise, Minato-sensei looked over at him and raised a brow. He was confused for a moment before he realized that the man was asking for permission to answer, and despite himself, he felt his chest warm and, before he could think about it, he jerkily nodded.

Minato-sensei offered him another smile, squeezing his shoulder before dropping his hand to the side and turning towards Obito. “Well, Kakashi’s father was the owner of a summoning contract for the wolves. He must’ve learned about the way dogs behave from them, and he likely learned about other animals as well, since, like Kakashi said, there’s a sense of dominance between species.”

Obito’s gaze flicked between Kakashi and Minato-sensei before he spoke hesitantly. “Is that why Bakashi has a bunch of dogs?”

The blonde smiled, and Kakashi was sure that he was replying, but he was stuck focusing on a lump in his throat.

( “Come here, Kakashi - I have something to show you.”

Kakashi rubbed the sleep from his eyes and followed after his father, looking up at the man’s back as he grabbed something from one of the shelves.

“Sit down,” the man gently instructed, and the younger unquestionably obeyed. He turned around with a small smile on his face, and Kakashi immediately noticed the large scroll that was tucked under his arm.

“What’s that?” the boy asked with furrowed brows.

Sakumo’s grin widened, and he took a sitting position in front of Kakashi before placing the scroll on the ground. “I’m glad you asked,” he said, unrolling the item.

Kakashi’s gaze flicked down to the flattened scroll, and he felt his breath catch when he saw the columns of Hatake names lining the scroll - each with a paw print of varying sizes placed to the side.

“This,” Sakumo said, catching Kakashi’s attention, “Is the Canine summoning contract. And I think,” he continued, eyes crinkling in the corners, “That since you’re a genin now, you’re worthy to sign, son.”)

“Kakashi, are you alright?” Minato-sensei asked, voice cutting through his thoughts. His head snapped upwards, and he abruptly realized that they’d reached the mission desk while he wasn’t paying attention. 

He looked ahead and saw that both Rin and Obito were talking while they waited for Kakashi and Minato to catch up, and after a moment, he forced himself to speak. “I’m fine.”

Before Minato could ask any other questions, Kakashi stepped forwards and handed over the cat, barely even paying attention as Raion shot him a look of betrayal while the chunin at the desk handed over their payment.

“Right then!” Minato-sensei said after they started walking away, and even though Kakashi could feel his gaze boring into the back of his head, he refused to look back. “Another mission completed!”

“Why’d it have to be that one?” Obito grumbled, rubbing at his scratched cheek. “I hate that dumb cat.”

“I felt bad for him,” Rin said with a frown. “I know she’s the Daimyo’s wife and all, but that cat looked awful when she was squeezing him like that.”

Their conversation continued for a while before Minato-sensei cut in once again. “We’re pretty close to the ramen stand,” he pointed out, glancing around the corner with a goofy grin, “Wanna head over?”

Obito brightened. “Hell yeah! I’m starving !”

“Sure,” Rin replied with a small smile. “I could eat.”

“Kakashi?” Minato-sensei asked, turning his gaze towards him.

The silver-haired boy hesitated for a split second before shaking his head. “No thanks.”

Before any of them could reply, he flickered away until he found himself in front of his house - the door closed behind him within a second. He took in a shuddering breath and fell against the wall, sliding downwards until he reached a sitting position.

What’s happening to me?

Chapter Text

Kakashi swallowed as he looked down at the stone before him, eyes flicking in between each and every detail.

It was still standing, somehow. He’d wondered if it would be, considering the man’s reputation. It was chipped and near-unintelligible, scratched-in words were left behind, but the stone remained nonetheless.

[ It made him wonder why the man buried beneath couldn’t be just as resilient.]

He crouched down silently and, after a breath, brushed his finger against the engraving - the only words written aside from two dates, since he hadn’t felt the need to ask for anything else - left in the center of the dark granite.

‘Hatake Sakumo,’ he read, only to jerk his finger away upon reaching the last character, feeling as if the air had been ripped from his lungs.

He squeezed his eyes shut, though didn’t make a move to leave. Why am I even here?

A light breeze brushed against his exposed skin, and—

‘He was a hero.’

Kakashi inhaled sharply, eyes snapping wide open.

No , he told himself. No, he deserved what happened.

“It was… his fault that the war started,” he let out, hating how his voice shook. “ His fault that so many people died. His fault that everyone was always so angry at them. His fault that—”

Kakashi’s breath caught, and the words died at the back of his throat.

[ His fault that he was alone.]

Kakashi abruptly stood, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. “I shouldn’t have come,” he muttered, though his eyes remained glued on the headstone. He felt his chest tighten as the sun crept upwards, pulling away the shadows and bathing his name in its light. “I—,” he choked out, inhaling through his nose. “Why did you… It doesn’t…” He let out a frustrated noise, barely able to keep himself from kicking the rock at his feet. “Nevermind,” he muttered. “ Nevermind . This is stupid. I shouldn’t have…” He swallowed once again, fists clenching to his sides. The last of the shadows receded from the granite, and before he could spare another thought, Kakashi disappeared in a silent flicker.

Rin pulled Obito’s sleeve upwards, looking over it with a slight frown. “It doesn’t look too bad,” she said after a moment, prodding it once and offering a brief, apologetic look when Obito let out a hiss. “Just needs to be cleaned and wrapped, then we should be alright to go.” She paused, glancing up at Minato-sensei with a hesitant look. “Right…?”

Minato-sensei gave her a reassuring smile. “You’re the expert here, Rin.” 

The girl blushed, offering a quiet, “Thank you,” before pulling bandages and disinfectant from her bag. “It’s really not bad enough to heal with chakra,” she explained to Obito - who was clearly struggling to keep his expression normal, both due to Rin’s close proximity and the pain within his arm - as she worked. “I mean, I’d like to heal it,” she said apologetically, “But if we’re continuing, we should probably save all the chakra we can. If it gets too bad, though, just let me know.”

Obito offered something between a smile and a grimace. “Don’t worry about me - I'll be fine. Nothing that I can’t handle!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten hit in the first place,” Kakashi muttered.

Obito’s lips twisted into a scowl, and his head jerked towards the silver-haired boy. “We were supposed to be backing each other up, you ass! Don’t act all high-and-mighty, Bakashi!”

“I don’t need you to back me up,” Kakashi countered. “If you didn’t freak out about a scratch , we could’ve gotten them.”

The Uchiha’s expression darkened further, but before he could speak up, Minato-sensei stepped in between the two with a disapproving expression on his face.

“Kakashi, Obito’s right. I told you to watch each other’s backs,” he said, causing Kakashi to purse his lips together while Obito gained a smug expression. “I understand that you saw an opportunity, but I was already working on it.” Kakashi sunk, but didn’t protest, and Minato-sensei’s expression softened. “That being said, if things didn’t go wrong, you would’ve gotten them. Just remember to count on your teammates better next time, okay?”

Kakashi withheld a sigh, giving a short nod instead. Obito, though, frowned. “What gives, sensei? Shouldn’t you… ya know… punish him or something?”

Minato-sensei looked towards the Uchiha, raising a brow. “Obito, do you want me to punish you every time you’re late for practice? Every time you don’t follow directions?” The boy opened and closed his mouth several times before quickly shaking his head, and Minato-sensei rolled his eyes fondly. “Right,” he said, glancing towards their sole female teammate. “You just about done, Rin?”

The kunoichi pressed the bandage down and, after a quick once-over, nodded. “Yep!” She looked up at Obito with a small smile. “You feeling okay?”

Obito’s cheeks became dusted with pink, and the boy nodded. “F-fine, Rin. Thank you.”

“No problem,” Rin replied cheerfully, looking up at Minato-sensei as she put her supplies away. “What now, sensei?”

“Well, luckily for us, your sensei happens to be pretty good at his job,” he said with a playful grin, showing off a piece of cloth between his fingertips, “So as long you’re all good to go and our resident tracker is willing…,” he trailed off, glancing towards Kakashi with a smile and a raised brow.

The silver-haired boy rolled his eyes and stood, going through several hand-seals before slamming his hand to the ground. Smoke erupted from the newly-made seal, and once it cleared, a small, tired-looking pug was visible in the center.

Kakashi felt his gut twist upon seeing Pakkun, but pushed away the feeling to crouch next to the pug, taking the cloth from his sensei’s hand. 

“Yo,” he greeted, and the silver-haired boy held out the cloth, and feeling a burning in his throat, trained his eyes just slightly above the pug’s head.

“Can you track them?” he asked shortly, wishing to rid himself of the odd feeling as soon as possible.

Pakkun paused, and when Kakashi caught his concerned look out of the corner of his eye, he pursed his lips and shook his head. The pug hesitated, but after a moment, let out a small chuff. “Of course I can,” he said, leaning forwards to sniff the cloth. He pressed his snout into the material for several seconds before pulling away, eyes flicking towards the left. “That way,” he said simply, and before anyone could let out another word, he was running in the direction of the scent.

“Uh—,” Obito let out questioningly, only to let out a surprised noise when he realized that everyone else was already following. “Ah- wait up!”

Several minutes passed before Minato-sensei finally spoke up hesitantly.

“Ah… Pakkun,” he said, sounding slightly sheepish, “Would you mind if—”

“Don’t patronize me,” he deadpanned, and when the man winced, he let out something reminiscent of a laugh. “Fine.”

Minato-sensei let out a slight sigh of relief, picking up the dog and thereby increasing the pace at which the group ran.

After nearly two hours of running and turning, Obito spoke up. “We’ve been running for a while. Are you sure—”

“Don’t doubt me,” Pakkun said, causing the boy’s mouth to snap shut. “And be quiet. They’re right up ahead.”

The group slowed at his words, ducking down and peering at the small group of missing-nin from behind a cluster of rocks.

“Right,” Minato-sensei said quietly, “Rin, I want you to stick to long-ranged shurikenjutsu. Only use chakra for enhancement, if you can, since at least one of us will likely need to be healed afterwards.” The kunoichi nodded, and Minato-sensei turned towards the boys. “Kakashi, you act as a close-range combatant, and Obito from mid-range. Make sure to avoid friendly fire,” he warned, and the Uchiha flushed slightly, glancing at Kakashi’s partially-singed pant-leg. “And Pakkun,” he said, glancing towards the pug, “If you’re staying, support wherever you can.” His eyes flicked towards their main target - a high A-Rank missing-nin who held the scroll they were after. “I’ll handle the main target. Do not engage with him, understand?”

Each student - and pug - nodded, and after another moment, the man gave a slight nod, and each member of Team 7 leapt into action.

Minato-sensei wasted no time in getting the strongest missing-nin away from the others, and Kakashi cut down the missing-nin who had narrowly escaped Obito’s fireball before spinning around to meet blades with another, only absently noting that Rin was providing backup to Obito as he fought another shinobi.

The fight wasn’t easy-going, but it wasn’t particularly taxing , either. While their main target was a jounin, the rest were between genin and chuunin level which, while nothing to scoff at normally, were easily handled by the similarly-ranked - but better-trained - members of Team 7.

Or, at least it had been fine.

Barely a second after cutting down the second missing nin, Kakashi heard a startled gasp before hearing Rin call out his name. He spun around, sucking in a sharp breath as he watched a sword come down in a wide arc. Unable to dodge, Kakashi made a last-ditch effort to launch a kunai in the direction of the missing-nin, braced himself with chakra, and—

“No,” he whispered breathlessly, watching as Pakkun took the hit for him, being thrown to the side as blood erupted from his wound. “ No .”

The missing-nin gargled as blood sprayed from his throat, falling to the ground in a crumpled heap, but Kakashi was more focused on his summon.

He stumbled forwards, ears ringing as he fell onto his knees before the pug. He watched, transfixed as blood seeped from the wound, barely even registering Rin’s hands lit with green chakra, quickly moving to heal the damage.

( A choked-off shout was torn from his throat as Pakkun leapt in front of the resurrected shinobi that Kakashi would’ve been too late to escape, if not for a buffer.

His heart pounded like a drum, and he felt his eye begin to pulse, tracks of blood spilling out like tears. He only absently noted the warping and disappearance of the shinobi’s body as he fell in front of the pug, feeling almost numb.

“Pakkun,” he murmured, taking in a shuddering breath, “Pakkun, I—” His voice broke as he stared at the guts spilling from the pug’s body, eyes already having taken on a glassy sheen. He swallowed, and for the first time in years—)

Kakashi felt bile rising in his throat and, ignoring the voices of his teammates around him, he turned his head and vomited.

Kakashi woke up to a pug on his chest and several more dogs spread all around him. They’d all insisted on staying with him while Pakkun healed, and he’d been struggling to get used to them lingering in his apartment. They were incredibly annoying, though. All of them were good nin-dogs, but outside of missions, they lazily wandered his apartment instead of even attempting to be useful or, at the very least, train.

(It was also admittedly… difficult to be responsible for so many lives. He already had enough trouble remembering to feed himself , let alone an entire pack of dogs, and although he’d never admit it, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he’d somehow brought harm to them.)

Still .

He needed to get ready for training, and they were in his way, at the moment.

Kakashi parted his lips to tell them to move, only to freeze when Pakkun let out a quiet snuffle, burrowing into his paws and curling further into Kakashi’s chest. He stared, uncomprehending at the dog for several moments, eyes flicking down to the bandages wrapped around Pakkun’s abdomen before he took in a long breath and laid his head back down.

Fine, he acquiesced, letting out a quiet exhale as he listened to the soft breaths of the dogs around him. Five more minutes won’t be too terrible.