Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hal Jordan was confused, and though he would never admit it out loud, that was a pretty common occurrence in his life. When you’re a superhero living on the perpetual target of a planet we call earth, who frequents other planets to help solve conflict with a glorified magic ring, confusion sort of just comes with the territory. Hal has no doubt that the other league members often feel the same, even if their egos get in the way of admitting it.

That’s not completely true though. There’s one person in the league that Hal has trouble believing has ever felt confusion in his entire life, but serves as a constant source of bafflement and disbelief for anyone he interacts with. And yes, it's exactly who you’re thinking of. That very enigma of a… person? (Hal was still unsure about that) was currently walking towards him with a literal teenager in tow.

Hal stared at Batman for a moment. “What's with the kid?”

“The kid is my associate Red Robin. He’s going to be doing some work on the Watchtower’s security.” Batman replied.

Hal blinked, “A child is going to be working on the Watchtower security?”

Said child chose then to speak up, “I’m sixteen actually.”

“Like I said, a child.”

Batman, predictably, completely ignored Hal’s concerns. “I have some work to do elsewhere. I'll be back to supervise him in a while, but for the meantime I’d appreciate it if you stayed here to ensure that there’s no confusion if anyone else comes across him.”

Hal watched as Red Robin walked behind him to where the main computer was, mumbling, ‘I don't need supervision.”

“Wait so you just expect me to babysit while-“ he turned back around to face Batman but he was already gone. “-and he’s not there anymore, of course not why would he be.”

He threw his hands up in frustration before walking over to where the teen was already beginning his work. “So-“

“No-“ Red Robin cut him off “-I am not telling you his secret identity.”

Hal huffed, “Well I was actually gonna ask if he always does the disappearing act, but… hold on you know his secret identity?”

Red Robin chuckled, “I've known since I was nine.”

Okay it was official, this entire thing was just the universe fucking with him, some deity out there found his perpetual confusion funny and was screwing with him.

“Nice try kid. There is no way in hell Mr. Paranoid told a nine year old child his secret identity.” He replied because seriously, if the kid thought Hal was going to believe that he was sorely mistaken.

“Oh he didn't, I figured it out myself.”

Yup some sick god was fucking with him. “No. No way. I’m 35 years old, I have worked with Batman for over five years and I don't even know his secret identity.”

Red Robin smirked. “Well that sounds like a you problem,” he said, then without even looking up from where he was working tacked on “Hal.”

What the fuck? “What the fuck?”

The kid didn't respond. Hal reached out and turned the chair he was sitting in so that Red Robin was facing him. “How the hell do you know my name? Did spooky tell you? Who the fuck are-”

It was that moment Green Arrow chose to walk into the room. “Hal.” He started cautiously, “Why are you yelling at a random teenager?”

Hal whips around to face him. “That random teenager is one of Batman’s little fucking, I don't know, minions? And he knows my secret Identity!”

Green Arrow looks back and forth between Hal and Red Robin for a moment before saying, “Well to be fair you aren’t the best at keeping it a secret.”

Hal pauses, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Green Arrow rolls his eyes. “Hal, half of coast city knows your secret identity, and you aren’t even on earth that often, why does it even matter that he knows?”

Well now Hal’s just offended. “Well it’s not like you’re that competent at keeping a secret either.”

“What are you talking about? I am perfectly capable of keeping my identity a secret.”

“Actually Oliver,” Red Robin interjects, “you’re kind of not.”

He can't lie, it did kind of make him feel better, if not unsettled, that he wasn’t the only one whose identity was known by this kid.

Oliver on the other hand was far from amused. “How the hell do you know that?”

Red Robin seemed to stop to contemplate something for a moment before leaning down to rest his chin on his fist and saying “Maybe this will answer your question, Uncle Ollie.” putting a heavy emphasis on the name.

Green Arrow froze in place before his brain rebooted and a look of recognition crossed his face. “No. No no no it can’t be because if you’re- then that means… I'm going to kill him.” He then promptly stormed out of the room.

Hal stood there blinking for a moment before turning back to Red Robin, who had returned to his work. “The hell did you just do?”

“I don't know what you mean.”

‘You don't know what I- who the hell are you? What right do you have to walk in here and start spilling our secrets like some fucking-” He was cut off when Batman walked back into the room.

“Jordan, why are you yelling at my son?”

Hal jumped, “Jesus! you have got to stop doing that. Wait, son?” Now that was a surprise. If anyone were to ask Hal to come up with a word to describe Batman ‘paternal’ would be the last thing on that list. That also raises the question of who exactly did Batman have a kid with, which you know what? Hal didn't want to think about that.

Red Robin must have seen the confusion on his face and in an effort to clear things up said, “I’m adopted if that helps?”

Hal paused to think for a second before saying, “Nope, I think I’m more confused now.”

Red Robin looks at Batman and asks, “So since you’re okay with disclosing that I’m your son, I take it we're doing this now?”

“Well,” Batman replied, “I was planning on telling the whole league at once, but we might as well.”

“Okay good, because I totally already spilled the beans to Ollie.”

Before Hal could question what exactly they were talking about Batman did the one thing he honestly never thought he would see him do in his lifetime, and took off his cowl.

“My name is Bruce Wayne and this is my son Tim.”

Bruce Wayne? Why did Hal feel like he’d heard that name before? Wait-

“Bruce Wayne, like the rich guy?”

The duo blinked at him before Red Robin, or Tim, now he supposed, said “The rich guy? Really that’s the best you’ve got?”

“Hey, I’m not on earth that often oka-” he was cut off by Green Arrow who had just stormed back into the room.

“20 years Bruce! We have known each other for 20 fucking years! We spend holidays together, I babysat your children!”

“Hold on,” Hal interjects, “Children? Plural? He has more than one?”

“He has like six, keep up Hal.” Oliver yells as an aside before continuing at Bruce, “When the fuck were you planning on telling me you were the fucking Batman?”

Oliver takes a breath before deflating a bit and saying, “Are we not as close as I thought we were?”

A subtle look of guilt crosses Bruce’s face, “Oliver no, I just-“

“It’s my fault.”

Everyone turned to look at Tim and huh, guess Batman really can be confused.

Tim turned to Oliver and continued, “Bruce was going to tell you years ago, after um… after Jason.” It was impossible to ignore how the mood in the room shifted at that. ‘Note to self’ thought Hal, ‘Don't bring up whoever Jason is.’

Tim regained his composure and continued, “But then I showed up and shoved my way into his life and suddenly there was someone else whose safety was reliant on Batman’s identity staying a secret.”

At Bruce’s glance he added “I may have overheard a conversation you had with Dick when I first became Robin.” he stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

He’s sorry? Hal was fully aware that he was missing a wild amount of context here, but that didn't seem like something that was the kid’s fault. And apparently the other two heros in the room agreed.

“Well jeez kid, that’s not your fault.” Oliver responded.

Bruce walked forward and crouched in front of Tim, placing a gloved hand on the kid's cheek. “Tim you don't need to apologize, I was the one being paranoid, not you. And for what it's worth I am so, so glad you shoved your way into my life, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Bruce said, standing up and pressing a kiss to Tim’s forehead. It was a strangely domestic moment and Hal was sure should claim to have witnessed it no one would believe him.

This nice moment was promptly ruined by Oliver. “Wait a second. How long have you known I was Green Arrow?”

Bruce smirked, pulling the cowl back up over his head. “Ollie I’ve known since day one. Come on Tim lets go wait for the rest of the league to show up.” He said walking out of the room with Tim close behind, leaving an amused Hal and baffled Oliver behind.

“Wait, what do you mean you’ve known since day one? How could you possibly have known?” Oliver shouted following them out of the room. “Bruce, get back here! Tim?”

Hal laughed and followed them out, enjoying being less confused than someone else for once.