Chapter Text
You couldn’t save baji.
Her brain reminded her. it reminded her of everything that made her want to die. she couldn’t save baji. His stab wound was too deep and he even stabbed himself again which made all of the blood pool out next to them.
She was next to a sobbing chifuyu as she readied her hand with long white bandages to try and save the 1st division captain. She smiled at the boy who was a few months older than her.
(you can’t cry. Even if it’s stressful. You have to keep the patient calm. This is a sentiment she’s read hundreds of times.)
But it’s so hard to bite back the tears. So she bites her lips until it starts bleeding so she can focus on something else. Ignoring the shaking in her hands.
She remembers when she first met the boy. Mikey dragging her to the park for the first out of many times to patch up his friends. She came across a boy nursing a bruised cheek and skinned knees, he seemed to have taken the brunt of the hits. He immediately started fighting her when she tried rubbing alcohol on the wounds.
“baji-kun right? shut the fuck up and stop complaining!”
“look at this! The girl’s fucking crazy, I’m telling you mikey!! Why is she my nurse?!”
The mikey only laughed as he wiggled against her hands, trying to escape.
“SHUT UP AND SIT STILL!”
A hand raised whacked him across the head. He finally quieted down as she worked on his body, pulling things out of her backpack to help. The 7-year old smiling with fangs at the girl when they were done, she smiled back.
“hey- you’re not so bad crazy nurse!”
Ouch.
“you too, you big wuss.”
Mikey cackled in the background as he tried to fight the girl. Before he winced and sat back down on the ground. And she diligently rebandaged everything that came undone.
But when she lifted his shirt to see the damage. She could see that it was too deep and he’s already lost so much blood. Maybe if she had pulled him away before he could stab himself.
(stop focusing on what didn’t happen. You’re not helping.)
“baji. listen to me. don’t fall asleep, you hear me?!”
her voice was stern and was not full of panic. no not at all. her hands were not shaking. nothing was wrong. she’d patch up baji and she could watch his mom yell the shit out of him. she’d patch him up and laugh as he misspelled another word on his homework. she’d patch him up so she can make fun of him for not having a girlfriend yet.
She tried wrapping bandages around the boy’s abdomen before a bloody hand stopped her. the hand was not strong, it barely even stopped her own. but she stopped anyway because it was baji.
the raven haired boy smiled up at her, with a look that said that it was over. He looked at her with fondness. With a look he saved for the founding members of toman.
(she remembered being called down to the shrine, rushing in fear that someone was hurt. All of them saying she was a founding member of toman because they couldn’t make a gang without their own medic. To which she exasperatedly smiled, dropped her duffle containing all her medical things and accepted.)
(all of them getting on her for not having cash to pay for more charms but hey, she was spending her money buying things to fix their wounds so they can’t complain.)
“it’s alright…… at least your crazy ass won’t hit me again.”
Her bloody lips trembled as she smiled at the boy. Tears threatened to fall down her face. She put a hand over his and squeezed it desperately.
“shut up, you pussy. you gotta keep awake, okay?”
He eyed the tears straining to fall from her eyes as he sputtered out a laugh that sounded more like a cough. she squeezed his hand with a death grip as she bit her lips again.
“hah…. looks like i fin’lly did it…. sorry for makin’ ya cry…”
He died after saying his last words to chifuyu. And only then, she cried. Sobbed over his body, her sobs coupling in with chifuyu’s screams. It only made everyone break more hearing their ever so calm medic cry her heart out. Mikey’s punches on kazutora carrying more weight.
…
Her hands shook but stilled as emma made her way towards her. she smiled at the girl before latching herself onto the medic’s arm. The medic herself had tagged along by emma’s request. the younger girl was so happy a girl was in toman who could talk to her about girl things.
She looked up to see the two estranged brothers talking by shinichiro-san’s grave. emma, herself, and takemitchy standing off to the side. emma grimaced as her eyes looked over as she asked if that was izana and if they were going to fight. to takemichi’s reply, her grimace grew as she let go of the girl and crossed her arms.
“boys are so dumb! why do they have to fight all the time?”
Emma claimed as she faced takemichi. The boy smiling fondly with a look that preceded his age. the medic was surprised that the boy could look so fond even when emma will always bring up their first meeting. They all waited by the railing for their leader and her brother to finish up.
“invincible mikey this.. leader of toman that…”
the blonde girl grinned at takemichi. the boy in question taking in all of her words wholeheartedly.
“mikey always puts on a strong front.”
she could laugh. yeah. for all the years she’s known the boy, he’d always been like that. he was too strong. so strong. but…
“when shinichiro died…”
“when baji died…”
“he’s never shown weakness.”
she remembers seeing the boy only smile at baji’s grave. making sure his own gang was okay. she was sobbing in her house when he came by with no draken. he knocked on her door and he immediately knew why she was crying.
he spent hours sitting with her.
“but the truth is… he’s still a weak little boy who clings to his blanket to go to sleep.”
emma looked fond as she opened her eyes.
“that’s why ill be the one to save him!”
she turned to takemitchy.
“just like he saved me!”
it was silent for a moment, the wind picking up her words and blowing them away. Emma then laughed.
“or whatever, I think im trying too hard to act cool, aren’t i?”
The medic laughed and patted the girl’s head. Emma giggling along with her as she rubbed an arm behind her head. takemitchy kept the same fond look before he looked confused and seemed to start thinking to himself.
“never, emma.”
the girl stated as she watched emma stare confidently at her brother. And the medic is reminded of a younger innocent emma and them meeting.
mikey was practically breaking her front door down before she let him in. she was trying to get her summer work done but no, of course he had to interfere. is what she thought before her eyes landed on the younger girl wailing about her arm.
The girl tilted her head before ushering them inside the house. her hands working fast as she calmly set the bone and made a splint for the girl’s arm.
the blonde girl sitting on her bed as mikey was laid out on the floor. she was touching up the last of the band-aids for some scrapes the girl received.
“I seriously don’t know why mikey brought you to me.”
Her eyes glared down at the boy who was now washed of his panic and shrugged with a lazy smile. then proceeding to turn on his side and go to sleep on the floor. she sighed and turned back to the girl.
“-but it should get better in a few weeks, emma-chan.”
The girl didn’t seem convinced as she still had tears in her eyes. The older girl biting her lip as she tried to think of something.
she flashed a smile as she squeezed the young girl’s hand. She caressed her hair with her other hand and looked her in her eyes.
“its alright, emma-chan. do you want a candy? i can get you one!”
The young girl only wailed as she fell into the other girl’s arms. The other only chuckling while running her fingers though her hair. mikey had then perked up and asked where the candy was. to which, she subtly flipped the boy off from where she kneeled in front of the bed.
Her eyes wandered from her memories to takemitchy and the girl in front of her.
she’s grown up with her. the girl coming to her of all people when her period started made her heart clench. she was the first to gossip to when she had started liking draken. she was one of her closest friends, like she was her younger sister.
(baji’s face flashed in her mind when she thought of her friends.)
Her smile dropped as takemichi started mumbling something to himself. He always seemed to do that. Whenever they were in a tight spot. The boy could practically sniff out danger from weeks away if you just paid attention to his behavior.
Emma smiled and started walking to the vending machine across from them.
“you guys want a drink?”
Takemichi was shaken out of his mumbling session and nodded at the girl. The other nodding also.
When she had heard three clinks from the vending machine and emma’s heels clicking against the concrete, she didn’t know why she was on edge. Something in her gut was screaming. She tried to shrug it off but before she could, she heard takemichi mumble something.
“did emma-chan exist in the future?”
Her eyes blinked but before she could even begin to processs the words, she heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle. it made sense, she was in a motorcycle gang, of course. but the sound of the bike wasn’t familiar. didn’t bring her comfort and a feeling of protection like all the bikes in her gang sounded.
Her eyes flickered over as she saw two boys on a motorcycle charging straight for them.
She didn’t focus on who it could be, she could only see the bat in one of their hands, ready to attack. She looked from her side to emma’s, realizing the hit was probably on the blonde girl.
Mikey’s sister.
She faintly heard takemitchy yell out kisaki’s name before her legs moved on their own. a loud yell roaring over the sound of the motorcycle.
Twisting her body, she quickly wrapped herself around emma’s. Her arms pushing the girl’s head down. She heard a yelp come from the blond as she was shoved onto the ground and the cans fell from her hands. One of them popping open and the drink spilling into the concrete.
She braced herself for the impact that she was expecting.
A bat of any kind from this speed could kill anyone. it could break bones. It will kill someone. It could fracture her skull and she would die. Emma would die.
(Emma would die just like baji.)
What she didn’t expect- was for it to hurt so much.
a blinding pain to be spread across her entire head. For her ears to ring and her body to be lurched forward onto the concrete. Her face twisted in pain as she tried to assess her own wound by pain alone.
but it hurt so much.
and she knew it was only the shock. She could technically stand up and move her arms but everything was in too much shock. she tried to move her finger but they were frozen.
She’d read about wounds like this. Researched for hours after shinichiro-san died.
But she didn’t expect to feel it herself. she-
She couldn’t move.
She faintly felt hands over her body holding her by her head. cradling her head, yells for her name but her ears were still ringing. Everything felt underwater. She could faintly feel someone helping her onto someone’s back.
There was a jump to make her secure on whoever’s back it was and it roused her out of her impending sleep.
“Oi. Wake up, can’t have you falling asleep right? That’s what you always said to make sure of.”
Ah. Mikey. That’s right.
She was hit.
She seemed to be out of shock now but she came to the realization that she barely had enough energy to wrap her arms around her leader’s neck.
she felt something drip down her forehead and go into her eye.
blood?
it makes sense. she was hit in the head at tremendous speed.
(it hurts so much. she can barely think. she can’t assess her own wounds. she can’t think.)
“you called an ambulance right emma?”
“Y-yes!”
Ah so she was okay. that’s good.
“emma……”
She didn’t realize how hard speaking was until every word she spoke made it harder for her to breathe. she felt blood start to come up her throat. The blonde girl leaned in close to her, her brother’s footsteps quickening. mikey’s younger sister had tears in her eyes, it made her sad.
but she didn’t have any blood on her. save for some on her shirt. did they come back and try to get her again? was she hurt?
she tried to come up with a question that would answer all of the concerns in her head.
“youre…. okay?”
Her words were slurred and her eyes wanted to close so desperately. Emma gripped her skirt tightly as she nodded her head.
“yes… only because of you!!”
she thinks the girl has tears in her throat but it’s good enough. It took so much strength to smile but she did. she was so glad. emma was okay.
She saw a blurred piss blonde smudge of color running beside emma.
“takemitchy…. Youre okay too…”
The boy smiled at her, she could make it out in the blurred state of her eyes. Tears were rolled down his face also, like always. Takemitchy. The crybaby hero.
(Hah. Looks like she can be the hero now.)
“youre gonna be just fine!”
He said with a wavering certainty. Aah their crybaby. Always making sure of others promises. always protecting her friends. he kinda reminded her of shinichiro-san.
She really liked takemitchy.
(maybe this is why he was mumbling to himself. maybe he knew something was up.)
(ah well not like she’d ever know now.)
her vision was fading now. She can barely see. That’s too bad. She was really tired. Maybe she should just..
“HEY!! What did I just say?! WAKE UP! That’s an order from your president!”
He sounded so panicked. But what did she know? Her brain could barely process his words. But she was so tired. Mikey had to understand. He sleeps more than anyone, she knows. He’s slept on her more than a couple of times.
But she guessed she’d try to stay awake.
(but she knew it wouldn’t be for long. every part of her knew that. shinichiro practically died on the spot. she was pushing it.)
she was staring out of her good eye, the blood dripping down her cheek. she watched a blurry emma try to smile at her before completely crumbling.
she thought of her gang who were so stupid. who got in petty fights all the time. she had to work a job to pay for all of the medical supplies she’d buy.
she was so worried. how would they be without her? she hoped they could wrap their own wounds from now on. what if they get hurt?
“mikey… tell the others… im sorry… I cant…… patch them up any… more.”
he chuckled, seeming to have recovered from his panicked state a few moments ago. he hoisted her up again.
“nice try, but you can’t get rid of us that easily. We’re almost at the hospital and an ambulance should be coming. you can work those magic hands of yours again when you’re better.”
He said, confidently. she wanted to say that, no she won’t be. His brother died from an injury like this. Doesn’t he know? But how could she disappoint him like that. it was an order to stay awake after all.
She felt blood bubble up in her throat and it leaked out onto his jacket.
She’s patched up practically everyone in toman at least once. She was called on Christmas to tend to mitsuya, takemitchy, and chifuyu. helped lots of her members during bloody halloween, that she almost ran out of supplies. She’s set bones and created splints hundreds of times. And each time, mikey would smile in the background.
Not having a single scratch on him.
And if he did sustain injuries, they weren’t major and she had lots of other patients who had it worse before she could get to him. and by the time, someone else already did it for her.
he’d smile at her and she’d roll her eyes. he once said that he put all of his trust in her because she was the best medic ever. he always brought everyone to her so she could wrap them up. when she’d barely feel her legs because of how long she’d been working, mikey would say she’s getting prep for when she becomes a doctor.
“takemitchy… emma..”
They both perked up and stared at her with wide eyes as she croaked out their names. Takemitchy’s hand came to rest on her back and emma’s hand latching onto her sleeve, gripping the fabric desperately. She weakly tilted her head, prompting them to come closer. They both did so immediately.
She felt blood drip down her mouth as she smiled at them. They were both so trustworthy. So kind. They would be great friends if they get over their first meeting.
She whispered to them, a sacred question. Ignoring the blood dripping down her chin.
“if mikey gets hurt…. You’ll heal him in my place… won’t you?”
as if it was wasn’t possible, more tears flowed from their eyes as they stared at the girl. They both nodded and agreed, almost immediately.
she was blacking out now. she can’t see emma or takemitchy anymore. She can barely keep her hands together to prevent herself from falling off of mikey’s back.
“i can’t… see anything….”
she heard mikey’s breath hitch as she coughed up more blood. she thinks she hears emma try to contain a sob as takemitchy tries to calm her down.
“just hang on. You’re gonna be fine.”
he whispers to her.
No, she wasn’t.
She couldn’t see anything.
Too much blood was choking her throat to speak.
But.
She uses the remaining strength she has to hoist herself towards his face. it hurts. she feels as if her arms were twigs that could snap under any second. it hurts.
everything hurts.
He was shocked, she could faintly hear him question what she was doing. She pressed her bloody lips against his cheek.
“I love you, manjirou.”
Her words were slurred together as she whispered them into his ear. she hoped he understood. for all she knew, she didn’t say it at all and just garbled the words.
Blood sputtered out of her mouth and stuck upon his cheek. The special phrase that emma said about draken. The phrase people only say to their loved ones.
Her leader who stood for their gang with such ferocity and charisma. Her leader who appointed her to patch everyone up with a smile and with confidence. The one who cheered her on when she set her first broken nose on draken.
mikey, who dragged her out of her job with a smile. mikey, who never doubted her abilities when she had to set mitsuya’s arm. mikey, who was worried for her because she didn’t know how to fight.
she thinks of a younger manjirou. of a cheap ring she bought at the store. remembers her gang who’d grown to be her family. she remembers stupid insults. remembers happiness.
she remembers being happy.
she was happy.
(love seemed to flow out of her fingertips when she patched each person up. she smiled, and refused to cry because she needed all of her patients to be happy.)
it finally dawns on her.
she finally knows why she always smiled.
not because of the bedside manners her books taught her.
she smiles for them because she’s happy to be with them.
She coughed out more blood and her arms couldn’t support her body anymore. Her body slumped as her head lolled against the boy’s. her body barely being held upright by the boy.
as she felt blood leak into her eye. didn’t feel her legs. couldn’t move her arms. she was so so cold.
but she smiled.
like she always did.
Mikey blinked once then twice before sweat dripped down his cheek. He smiled nervously at the girl lolling her head against his. His cheeks flushing but his legs keeping pace. The burning feeling in his chest was squashed by the feel of her arms becoming limp.
He looked on with a happy expression.
(he ignored the dried blood now staining his cheek.)
“hey um! Don’t fall asleep on me! Not before I give you my answer!”
he hoisted the girl up again as he smiled at the girl on his back. He could faintly hear her blood dripping on the concrete below them. He kept walking, waiting for her to answer.
(it made him want to throw up at how she wasn’t responding anymore.)
He whispered in the the air, hoping the girl was still awake to hear him.
“you love me, huh?”
He gripped her legs tightly, wishing she’d react. Hoping. Praying.
(please wake up.)
“c’mon talk to me about all that boring medical stuff again.”
Takemichi watched with tears down his face as the girl did not reply. The only sound was their feet walking along the pavement. the invincible mikey waited for a moment before trying again, nudging his shoulder where her head laid upon.
“how do you align splints again? C’mon I’m actually curious this time.”
His voice was becoming strained as he stared ahead. Emma couldn’t keep it in and cried helplessly. She wailed as takemichi held her upright, helping her walk. The blue eyed boy closing his eyes and making a silent declaration to himself.
“I promise ill listen this time….just…”
(just say something.)
(please.)
The boy kept walking with a smile on his face. not giving into the truth that was lying on his back. the disgusting thing that made him want to curl up and die. His legs not feeling the weight of her body. His heart bearing that burden.
“mikey-kun?”
He faintly heard takemitchy ask. why is he talking to him? talk to her. make sure she’s still awake. wake her up. because if she goes to sleep….
(then she might never wake up.)
“takemitchy..emma…”
He saw his sister and subordinate face him as they both sobbed more tears. he turned his head to look at them. his eyes searching in their expressions. hoping that it would dispel his fear that’s plaguing him now.
(their tear ridden expressions made him want to die right then.)
“can you get my jacket?” he eyes the jacket takemitchy is carrying and the boy only looks so concerned for his leader.
The two blondes stared in confusion at him. time seemed to freeze as they all stopping walking. mikey had started shaking as he gripped her legs with trembling fists.
“put it on her..”
he swallows the spit that seems to choke his words and smiles once again.
(he can't believe it. he doesn't and won't accept any of it.)
“she…. she feels… pretty cold…”
He heard his sister and his friend cry out his name. his sister sobbing in takemitchy’s chest as he tried to placate her through his own tears.
he turned back around and let his fists tremble as he carried her body. his feet felt like they were carrying bricks but he kept going. where was the ambulance? she needs help.
(but she was already gone wasn’t she?)
no.
He brought up a smile as he spoke to the air.
(she had to respond to this. she hated whenever he told this story. she would wake up and slap him until he shut up about it. and he’d laugh like he always did at her flushed face.)
(she absolutely had to wake up.)
“do you… remember when you proposed to me when we were 9?”
…
“you said you loved me then too… did you mean it?”
….
“and then I said that I would never marry you.”
….
“you were so devastated.”
……
“I made you cry.”
….
“you didn’t talk to me for weeks. Hah…”
(he remembered how it felt for her to ignore him. How awful he felt. But he was too stubborn to apologize. So he hounded and bothered her house for weeks until she forgave him.)
…
“well I lied.
…
“i would marry you.”
….
(why isn’t she saying anything. please say something. anything. please hit me for mentioning the story like you always did. please yell at me for bringing it up again. please. please. please. please.)
….
There was no reply. of course there wasn’t. but Mikey kept talking. trying to say the words he wanted her to hear. the words he always wanted to tell her. Unblinking as he remembered the thing he daydreamed about often.
“I imagine our wedding sometimes. I would mess up my vows because of how beautiful you look and ken-chin would never let me live it down. Takemitchy would be crying for us. Emma would be sobbing as your maid of honor and hina would be trying to comfort her.”
…
“and everyone would get together. We’d tease takemitchy and hina about getting married. ken-chin proposes to emma finally. Mitsuya would steal all of the single ladies and we’d all end up drinking into the night with the rest of the gang.”
….
“and then… I’d get hurt somehow. A little scratch or a small bruise. And you take your time to wrap it with your wonderful hands. And you’d smile at me and say, ‘I finally got to heal you!’”
…….
“I love you too.”
….
An ambulance never came.
(and when she was finally put down, they all stared at the smile on her face as she was wheeled away.)