Chapter Text
There is a small, infinitesimal, tiny part of Thor that understands he's making a scene.
A much larger part of him has ceased to care.
He feels like his mouth is stuck; he's exhausted his jaw beyond the point of movement with how hard he's gritting it. Not that it matters. Thor doesn't want to talk, he wants to scream. He wants to hit something. He doesn't think he can use his voice without turning this entire mess into a fight layered with accusation after accusation.
You did this.
You.
Not me. YOU.
Outside, thunder rumbles in the distance, quiet, but persistent. Thor tries to get ahold of himself, but it feels like he's spiraling. Spinning.
"This is a good thing," Frigga says softly. She looks defeated. She hasn't moved from her position sitting beside her unused loom since Thor stormed into his parents bedroom a few minutes ago, almost as if she can't. She's barely spoken. Thor wonders, distantly, in a part of his mind that isn't ready to shake her, what Odin said to make her so silent on the matter.
A decade ago, Thor would have sworn their mother would die for them. Now…now he doesn't know, because Frigga is so broken.
"How–" Thor's voice is loud and he forces it to lower, "how is this a good thing?"
"Thor, honestly," Odin says, annoyance obvious in his tone. He's staring out toward the balcony, Gungnir gripped in one hand, tall and imposing as ever. He seems unaffected. As if the fact that Loki is missing is of no more importance to him than the passing weather. He's barely looked Thor in the eye since the conversation began, instead talking toward the glass, gold tinted doors.
Thor would be lying if he didn't admit that it bothered him.
"Loki wouldn't just leave," Thor says hotly, trying to get them to understand. Why don't they care? This isn't a simple Loki's run off and he'll turn up eventually situation like it was in their youth. Loki wandered. That was normal. Thor accepted that. But in their youth, Loki wasn't in a maximum security prison with no known successful escape attempts. Loki didn't just leave.
Loki couldn't.
It is, to the best of Thor's knowledge, impossible.
"It's for the best," his mother whispers, staring down at her hands. "Perhaps he will be happier now. He was so unhappy."
"It was—he wasn't supposed to be happy." Thor says, frustrated. He raises his hands a little, flustered. "It was prison."
Loki just wanted to be safe.
"Thor, enough!" Odin says sharply, and Norns, why is he so angry over this? "You are upsetting your mother." Thor twitches at that. "Cease this useless conjecture at once. The Laufyson left Asgard's prisons while you were away. What more would you have us do about it? Heimdall cannot track him. This conversation is pointless."
Thor's jaw really is beginning to ache now.
Patiently, Thor says tightly, "Loki can't escape. No one has broken out of Asgard's prisons before."
"There are ways. It is not infallible." Odin says vaguely. "Loki must have known of them and he left."
"After nearly three years?" Thor says skeptically. Frigga exhales sharply, and when Thor glances at her again, he sees that her face has clenched. She looks seconds away from dissolving into tears. Thor hates—hates—that he's the root cause of it, but he's not going to put this to rest, despite his father's insistence.
Loki wouldn't have just left.
He wouldn't.
In all the numerous reasons why Thor doesn't think it's a possibility, one of the big ones is the fact that Thor offered to break him out and Loki said no. He insisted it was safer, even if he wouldn't say why. None of this makes any sense on so many levels. Something else has to have happened.
Especially with the…visions, dreams, whatever it is.
Thor hadn't been to Asgard in months on his father's insistence. There was a problem on Alfheim that Thor was stuck dealing with for far longer than he'd originally planned and left early from. And somehow, in the four months that he wasn't on Asgard, Loki, without a word, without telling him, apparently decided he'd had enough of prison and walked away.
Because that makes sense.
Obviously.
"Who knows how the Laufeyson's mind works anymore," Odin says, waving a hand, nonchalant. They're speaking of the weather. Not his son. Not Thor's brother.
Thor stands his ground. "Something happened, why aren't you looking for him—"
"Because it would be a waste of resources!" Odin snaps, "That boy has always evaded capture. With his glamor against Heimdall, if he doesn't want to be found, he won't be." His father finally turns to look back at him fully for the first time since Thor entered the room more than ten minutes ago. His expression is clenched, his eyes tight, but Thor sees what Odin has been trying to hide from him by having a conversation with the doors: responsibility.
Odin knows what happened.
Odin is lying to him.
So is Frigga.
Loki didn't escape prison. Something happened to him.
"Oh, Norns," Thor breathes, inhaling the sharp scent of Frigga's sage softly burning somewhere in the room. It helps her calm down when she's upset, Thor remembers abruptly. She'd always burn it after she and Odin got into a fight for as long as he can remember.
Frigga has been too exhausted to care about much of anything lately. But she would argue about Loki. (Maybe.)
Thor feels his stomach sinking, realization settling in. His gaze lands on his father. "What did you do?"
"What?" Odin's expression flattens, his lips tightening.
"Mother wouldn't have—Oh, gods, did you execute him?" Thor demands, horrified. His body feels numb. The thunder rumbles louder. Loki wasn't given a trial. Thor was furious, but there was nothing he could do because his brother had already been sentenced. He remembers that the entire council had something to say about Odin's decision to handle Loki's sentencing privately.
But it wouldn't matter if the council protested or not. (He's not even sure they would, anymore.)
Odin always gets the final say in executions.
He could have just…pushed Thor out of the way, conveniently, and had Loki executed while he was gone. Gods, would he do that? Can he do that, legally? Does it matter? Odin doesn't care about Asgard's laws unless they benefit him. The thought is unfair and terrible, and Thor is well aware of it. His father is a good king. Thor is turning him into a villain because it's convenient.
He's supposed to be better than this now.
"No." Odin says, his eye narrowing. "The Laufeyson is alive."
Oh, thank the Norns.
Thor throws up his hands. "Then where is my brother!?"
"He's not your brother! Nor is he of any concern to you anymore!" Odin shouts, slamming Gungnir against the ground. The wave of power that the staff radiates makes Thor sick to his stomach, his bones feeling ready to rattle apart with little complaint. Thor is quiet for long seconds, licking his lips anxiously. He doesn't want to face his father's anger. He doesn't want the bruises. Not today.
All he wants to know is where Loki is. That's it.
"Thor," Frigga says, a warning. A promise.
"Loki is of no concern anymore," Odin says firmly. His voice is daring Thor to question him, and promising retribution if he does. "He is alive where he is, and that is all that matters anymore. He is serving Asgard one last time despite betraying us. I forbid you to speak any more about this matter!"
Thor considers for a long, weighted moment, complying. Swallowing his concern and his worry and not pressing the issue any further. Letting the Loki matter rest, as he did after the Bifrost was broken. Being a good son.
But he doesn't let it go. He can't.
Loki was alive last time, and Thor gave up. He can't do that. After Loki jumped, Thor realized something about himself. He is Odin's son. He is the prince of Asgard. But he is Loki's older brother first. And he won't let this go. Because somewhere within him, there is a small child that insists he do stupid things, and Thor is unfortunately easily persuaded by this inner impulsivity.
"I've been having visions of him." Thor blurts, and this—this is the real reason that he came back to Asgard before his assignment was completed. Alfheim is still a mess. But Thor couldn't get the images out of his head. Loki screaming. Loki in pain. Loki needing him.
He'd thought it was Asgard.
But Loki isn't here.
Odin goes rigid, his expression emptying out. Frigga stills, but her eyes widen the slightest bit with surprise. His parents share a look, one that speaks a thousand words. His father's eye narrows, his hand tightening around Gungnir. "It would appear that you've inherited your mother's gift, then." He says after a moment, clearly thrown by this revelation, but quickly getting ahold of himself. "In the beginning, visions are always unreliable. If you had bothered to learn anything about sedir, you would know not to trust them."
Thor bristles. "I know about sedir." He didn't listen to Loki rant about it for hundreds of years without picking up something.
"You can't trust those visions," Odin persists. "You would need proper training first."
Thor feels his chest deflate, frantic persistence shooting through him. "But—"
"The Laufeyson is fine!"
His name is Loki, Thor thinks, frustrated. Gods.
Thor can't exactly see Loki in his…things—maybe-visions—it's more like murky images being lumped together and forced to create a hazy picture. But he can hear it clearly. He can hear Loki screaming. He's in pain. Thor just doesn't know where. He—he was sure. That they were real, that is.
He really was.
He didn't imagine it. Didn't dream it. It felt too vivid. But maybe…maybe his father is right. His mother always says that his father has a reason for everything. But he lied to Thor when he said Loki had escaped. Because it's easier. Because Odin knows where he is and doesn't want Thor to.
Maybe…maybe…
Loki isn't on Asgard, that much is certain. Thor doesn't know what's happening to him. His visions could be right.
"No," Thor insists, "he's not okay—"
"I've already told you," Odin says, teeth gritted, "that it is of no concern to you. I tire of going in circles. The Laufeyson has earned his fate. Leave us. Your persistence into this matter has upset my wife." He says coldly.
Thor stares at him, his teeth pressed together.
His throat is hot.
He's angry, he realizes after a moment. But he's not surprised.
Odin looks away, moving toward Frigga and resting a hand on her shoulder. She reaches up to grip it, a fresh wave of emotional agony crossing over her face. Thor stares at his parents for long seconds, disbelief warring with anger. Odin doesn't care. Frigga is too tired to.
But Loki is out there, and he's in pain, and Odin won't tell him where.
Fine, then.
Thor swallows thickly, then, grinding up all his courage, says angrily, "If you won't tell me where then I'll go after him. I'm not leaving him out there if he's in danger."
"Thor!" Frigga says urgently, her head snapping up. Fear seizes the corners of her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. Your father is right. Without training, your visions could mean anything."
Thor shakes his head. It's not just that, and his parents don't seem to understand this. "Loki needs me," Thor says, persistent. "I'm not going to abandon him."
Frigga's lower lip trembles. Guilt flicks across her face.
Thor's stomach tightens with conviction. Loki's brother first.
"Thor," his father's voice is low. "I forbid you from going after the Laufeyson. He has earned this. The Nine is unstable right now, the last thing that it needs is you gallivanting off on some useless quest. They need our family to be seen as a symbol of strength."
Thor chokes. "Loki isn't useless."
He's my brother. My best friend.
Odin's jaw grits. His face is hard and it makes Thor want to shrink. Most of the time, when Odin gets angry, Thor shouts back. Lately, it's felt more intense, heavier. More violent. Being on the receiving end makes him far more anxious now.
"You're being stupid," Odin says flatly. "Let things rest as they are. This is an explicit command from your king."
Thor's face twitches. His stomach tightens. A good soldier, he should add to that list of what he is. But he is still Loki's brother. And he can't stop. It feels like something is urging him onward, desperate. He can't leave Loki out there in pain, and if his parents aren't going to care, then…
Well, fine, then.
Thor turns around and, like a child, exits the room, ignoring his parents shouting behind him. He lets the door lap firmly shut behind him, silently seething. Fine then. If his father doesn't care, what does it matter? Thor is one of the best trackers in Asgard. He can find his brother himself. Loki needs him.
Thor may not…he doesn't know…
He can't trust his visions.
But he knows as assuredly as he does his own name that Loki needs him. So fine. Asgard will be fine without him for as long as it takes him to find his younger brother. Thor would like to see Odin try and stop him.
000o000
He's not asking for anything irrational, Thor tells himself later after trying to wean information out of the council about where Loki is and getting nothing. Everyone has apparently taken an unspoken vow of silence, unfortunately. Loki is his brother. He's entitled to keep him safe and find him, isn't he? All he wants to know is where Loki is and if he's okay. That's it. He's not asking for the throne or some sort of rare mystical object.
All he wants is Loki's location. Honestly. It's not that unreasonable.
If Loki had been in prison, Thor wouldn't have to resort to drastic measures anyway.
In the long scheme of things, this is Odin's fault, isn't it? If he had just said something—
But no. Because Odin hasn't considered Loki family since Loki was dragged back to Asgard broken and in chains. He didn't care. Thor was angry, but he hadn't pretended Loki was dead. They spoke—argued, shouted, screamed—a few times a month. Then Thor was shipped off to Alfheim, and this happens.
If Odin didn't want him to resort to drastic measures, well, maybe he should have thought about that first. He's supposed to be all-knowing, isn't he?
Gods, he's being a child.
Thor grabs a handful of shirts and stuffs them inside his bag, then a tunic, trying to figure out what else he needs to pack that he doesn't already have. He'll have to purchase most of it on Midgard. They dress very differently than most of the Nine. He has money, doesn't he? Yes. Not that Asgardian currency is very useful on Earth.
Thor sighs, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, and says, "None of you are being very subtle. I know you think this is a bad idea."
"Well…I wouldn't use those words exactly."
"Then what word would you use?" Thor glances back at Fandral, raising his eyebrow to assure his shield brother that he knows he's full of dritt. They've known each other too long for Thor to not be familiar with his silent, gnawing disapproval. It's digging into his back and attempting to settle in his spine, a weight to keep him planted on Asgard. To stop acting like an adolescent who's attempting to prove a point by punishing their parents.
Not that Fandral is alone in the task. The rest of the Warriors and Sif are all watching him with the same looks of disbelief and wariness.
They think he's being an idiot. Thor's not sure that he isn't. But really, what else is he supposed to do? He can't leave Loki out there. Not when gods-know-what has happened to him.
"'Idiotic' comes to mind," Sif says flatly. She's taken a seat on the chair to his messy desk, sitting on it backward with her hands resting against the back, her face having been etched in a frown since Thor explained his plan to them ten minutes ago. The rest of the Warriors are spread throughout his room, on his bed and the various couches, unhappy.
Thor really doesn't know what they hope to achieve by scowling at him. They're not going to keep him here. Thor has had his mind made up about this task—quest, self-banishment, whatever he's going to call it—since he left his parent's bedchamber.
He's leaving. End of story.
Thor dumps the bag on the bed, rubbing at his face. He'd hardly unpacked from Alfheim in the first place when he'd come running back here. Running because of the dreams. But were the dreams real? Can he trust them? Now all he needs to do is figure out a way off of Asgard. Loki has explained a little to him about the tears between worlds in the Dejörunn Mountains, but Thor's not exactly sure how helpful it will be.
It's times like this that he really misses the Bifrost. Reconstruction has taken much longer than anticipated. The crafters in charge say that it could be anywhere from another five years to a decade before the Bifrost is functional again. A blip of time in their lifetimes in the long scheme of things. Endless, it feels, given everything that has happened since it broke.
"Thor," Volstagg sighs, shifting forward a fraction, "you're being irrational. If the Allfather says to let the matter rest, maybe you should."
Thor shakes his head, scraping a hand through his hair. "Don't get logical. This isn't the time for logic."
"Oh," Sif's voice is dripping with sarcasm, "I see. It's the time for half-thought through decisions and getting the king ready to strangle you. Brilliant. I'm sure this will go over well."
Thor deflates a little at that. "I can't leave him out there."
Hogun sighs, clasping his hands together. "We know. But you don't even know if something happened."
"None of us do," Thor says with false, bitter cheer, "because my father shipped us off to Alfheim so he could hide the murder of my sibling from me." He doesn't really think that Loki is dead, but the analogy still applies. Thor has always known that his father is a liar. He's a politician. It's how they build their rapport. But he's always believed that Odin tells the truth as often as he can. Especially to him.
But he lied to him about this.
And there isn't a reason why.
Sif breathes out through her teeth. "What do you plan to do on Midgard in the first place?"
"My father refuses to let me use any of Asgard's resources," he'd tried after leaving his parents' bedroom, in the midst of trying to talk to the rest of the council, and anything remotely helpful he could have used, someone would stop him. He can't find Loki here, that much he's certain of.
And, gods, Thor doesn't know why Odin is so insistent about this.
It scares him. He doesn't know what this means for Loki. Where in the Nine did his father stuff Loki that he's so desperate Thor not find? Even Heimdall was unhelpful. When Thor found him again earlier, he said that he'd been forbidden from speaking, but subtly encouraged him to go to Earth.
So that's where Thor is going, even if he's not exactly sure why. Heimdall can be strange like that. His loyalty is a guessing game on a good day. Thor's just glad that he seems to be willing to help him on this matter.
Thor shrugs, "Midgard is at the center of the Nine, and they have sorcerers there."
"Backwater, inexperienced, flashy sorcery," Fandral grumbles. He sounds like Loki, Thor realizes with a pang. Loki, who rarely had something good to say about Midgard's magic. Loki, who is gone.
"I don't know what else to do," Thor confesses, trying to keep the edge of defeat from slipping into his voice. He's been firmly ignoring all the bad, anxious feelings ready to embrace him. He doesn't have time to be upset or worried. He needs to get out of Asgard before his father has him arrested simply to keep him here. He's been lucky that hasn't already happened yet.
Thor always envied the freedom Loki didn't even seem to realize he had.
Loki was invisible.
But that meant he could leave.
"You could stay here," Sif points out, rubbing at her temple "and apologize to your father. Don't make this worse than it has to be. Your brother may be fine."
Thor levels his gaze at her. "Do you honestly believe that?"
There's a hesitation. Sif looks away. "No."
Thor makes a see face at her, determining that anything else he needs he can just buy on Earth. He reaches out, grabbing Mjolnir and hefting it off the floor. "At least let us come with you," Sif pleads, "you don't have to do this by yourself."
"My father is already upset enough as it is," Thor says firmly. "I need to do this alone."
As much as he wants their help, is desperate for it, he can't get them dragged into this mess. He'll take the punishment alone. He won't let them get hurt in the process.
"Why don't you go to Alfheim or somewhere with actual magic?" Volstagg protests. "Why Midgard?"
"Heimdall said to," Thor admits, then rubs at the back of his neck, a realization occurring to him. "In truth, he might have said that because my father can't follow me there," Thor admits, sighing softly. But, gods, he can't deal with his father's anger following him to Midgard and then dragging him back. At their blank stares, Thor explains, "Earth doesn't have an interstellar teleportation device. No one can use dark energy on themselves. If I go there, he has to leave me there until the Bifrost is fixed."
Sif nods, comprehension dawning in her gaze, "Which is at least five years."
"I don't think it will take me that long to find Loki, but yes," Thor admits.
"I still think this plan is stupid," Fandral mutters.
"Yes, you've said," Thor promises. He stares at the faces of his friends, searching. He doesn't know what for, only that he doesn't find it. Reassurance, maybe. Trust. Belief that he can do this, or someone to say that he's doing the right thing. He's not. He knows that. He's doing the selfish thing. Asgard doesn't need Loki, they need their heir.
But Thor needs Loki.
And Loki needs him.
Maybe there hasn't ever really been a decision to begin with.
"I'll be back in a few weeks, hopefully," Thor says after a moment. He licks his lips nervously, dread settling heavily in his stomach. He knows the repercussions of this will not be pleasant. His father will be furious. Thor doesn't think he'll have him executed, probably, but even without that there are an alarmingly large number of worse possibilities. Getting turned into a tree, for example. Or being thrown in prison for a long time. Thor would rather die then face the solitary confinement of that.
Thor blows out a breath, trying very firmly to take all the anxiety swirling in his chest and stomach and toss it to the side. It doesn't work. If anything, it clings harder, desperate to make him stop. But the problem with that is there aren't any good choices anymore. He stays, he's punished, he leaves, the same.
So he might as well finish his objective in the first place.
Sif rises to her feet, walking closer to him and meeting his eyes levelly. "Are you sure about this?" she asks. Her gaze is earnest. Thor's hand bounces anxiously against his thigh.
"No." He confesses. "But I'm going to anyway."
Sif's expression goes through a series of expressions before she gives his shoulder a squeeze, her fingers warm and reassuring. "We stand by your decision, then." She promises. The rest of the Warriors get to their feet and promise the same. Sif nods, then says, "We will help in any way we can."
"Do your best to not let my father drag me back to Asgard?" Thor asks halfheartedly, warmed by their support, but also, somehow, it sits heavily on him. Like a pair of shackles instead of support. They're just something else to get hurt in the midst of this mesh of terrible decisions.
Sif meets his eye solemnly. "You have my word."
"Aye," Volstagg promises.
"Thank you, my friends," Thor says sincerely, sobering. He's never completely understood why they stood by him for all these years, only that he is grateful for it. They are more than he deserves.
Sif lets him go, and Thor swings his pack over his shoulder, tightening his grip on Mjolnir.
"Don't do anything stupid," Sif warns.
Thor smirks, but he can tell that the expression is worn. "My dear lady, when have I ever?"
The look Sif gives him is decidedly unimpressed.
000o000
His father bellowing his name into the stables does put a damper on his plans. Thor flinches, feeling a yawning hole begin to open up in his stomach, swallowing any optimism in his body and replacing it with looming, persistent, heavy dread.
Well. It was fun while it lasted. Norns. No. He's going to fight. He's going to find Loki, even if his father is desperate for him to stop. In fact, the more Odin persists at trying to force him not to go, the more Thor feels inclined to.
Thor swallows thickly, then turns away from his stallion and watches as his father storms inside of the stable. He's flanked by a dozen Einherjar armed to the teeth, and Frigga, who Thor has seen outside rarely since Loki fell. The sight of her up and moving is almost physically jarring. His hand falls from his stallion, his stomach tightening to the point of physical pain.
"Thor!" Odin shouts angrily, "stop this foolishness at once."
From the corner of his eye, Thor sees the stable hands quickly start making their way toward the back exit. That, Thor thinks darkly, is probably only because Odin is furious. If it had been anything else, they would have stayed and gawked, because Thor's family drama has always been something to watch. Always on display.
Thor forces out a thin breath, he can do this, he's doing this, he won't let Loki suffer, then shakes his head. "No."
Odin growls, stalking closer and closer. Thor wants to shrink into himself and vanish. "You stupid boy! You have no idea what is at stake here!"
"Then tell me!" Thor challenges angrily. He rises up to his full height, but it doesn't seem to help. He and Loki surpassed their father's height a long time ago, but Odin has always managed to make himself big. Thor wants to shrink in on himself, desperate to hide from his father's wrath. He can't get angry enough to meet it anymore. "If you're so desperate to stop me, then tell me!"
Odin strikes him. His hand is weathered, but strong, and Thor can feel his tongue immediately begin to bleed from where he bit it. He leaves his head lowered for several seconds, his cheek hot, his body trying not to tremble. He's not going to hit him back. He's not going to hit his father. He'd break his face if he tried.
"Odin," Frigga says quietly, tired.
But she just stands there.
Because she always stands there.
She never stops him.
Thor swallows the anger and humiliation, blinking back the instinctive tears. He and Loki have hit each other before and yet, somehow, getting punched in the face by Loki always feels less awful. He breathes out slowly, then raises his head, tossing stray hair from his face.
Odin stares at him for long seconds, as if he's a little surprised. Thor doesn't know why. It's not like this is the first time. Thor can see Odin's resolve hardening his face and leaching any sympathy from his features. This is not his father, this is his king. "I am under no obligation to explain my actions to you," Odin says icily.
Thor refuses to touch his cheek, despite how much it hurts. "Fine, then." Thor says flatly. "I'm leaving."
"Thor." Odin's voice is low. Thor thinks it must be a gift, truly, that Odin can somehow sound ready to eviscerate him with one syllable alone. Thor looks up at him and their gazes meet. Heavy. Thor thinks, then, distantly, about Tony talking about an unstoppable force and an immovable object. His father, an immovable object, himself, an unstoppable force.
It's a hypothetical question, Tony said. No one knows what will happen.
Maybe this is it.
Odin shifts his grip on Gungnir, but Thor looks away first. Odin doesn't speak for several seconds, before he finally says, "If you leave, you choose that—that traitor over your own family, I will no longer be able to accept you as my son."
A stabbing ache of hurt and panic strikes him.
Disownment?
"You jest—" Thor starts to say but realizes that his father is completely serious. Frigga's eyes close slowly, but she says nothing. Thor feels something cold swimming in his chest. You can stop this right now, the logical part of his brain insists. You don't have let this go any further. Odin raised Loki, what is the worst that could have happened to him? You don't have to be an idiot. Don't do something you'll regret.
But Loki isn't okay. If the dreams hadn't already told him, Odin's insistence that Thor let the matter rest does. Because Odin wouldn't care if Thor hunted down a fugitive under any other circumstances. He wouldn't care unless he doesn't want Thor to know what happened.
Wherever Loki is, he is in pain. He isn't safe.
Thor can't just let that happen.
Loki is his brother. Maybe that ceased to mean anything to Loki a long time ago, but it still means everything to Thor.
Thor looks at his father's face and then says evenly, "If that is the consequence that I must face, then so be it. Loki is my brother. He is my family."
Odin's jaw clenches. His hand moves and Thor takes a physical step back, but Odin was only reaching up to lift his hand out. "Give it to me, then."
"Give what?" Thor asks, tense.
"Mjolnir. If you choose to go on this pointless quest, so be it, but you'll do so without the aid of your hammer." Odin says flatly. His hand lifts higher, expectant. Thor swallows thickly. After he received Mjolnir for his coming of age, he can't remember a time save his banishment that he was without it.
He hesitates.
It's stupid, it's ridiuclous, because disownment is somehow less of a threat to him than losing a weapon.
That's what all of this is, Thor realizes. Odin is trying to threaten him into compliance.
No.
Thor takes Mjolnir off the ground beside his stallion and lifts out the weapon to his father. Odin takes it harshly from him, obviously seething, then narrows his eye. "You aren't to leave, boy." Odin says angrily, and turns around, weapon in hand, and stalks out of the stables. The Einherjar follow after him after a moment's reluctance, their eyes wide. Thor feels soft humiliation beginning to curdle in his gut.
The Norns are laughing at him.
Thor leans back against the wall, breathing out harshly. Gods. That really happened. That was—he doesn't—oh, gods. He feels like he's tumbling. He wants to cry, but his throat is too tight. All he wants is to keep his brother safe. And now…
What is he doing?
His hands are shaking.
Thor thinks he's going to puke.
"Oh, Thor," Frigga sighs softly, her soft hand gripping his chin. Thor winces, opening his eyes. He didn't realize she hadn't left with the others. His mother's face is worn and depleted. Her eyes are like staring into twin pools of misery. She gently turns his head to the side, studying his cheek. "You shouldn't anger him, you know how he gets," she chides quietly.
Thor gently pushes her away. "Why is he so against this? Loki is his son."
Frigga's mouth tightens. She stands there for a moment, thinking over her response carefully. "Your father has always had a vulnerable heart. He has been wounded too many times to recognize when he needs to give love. I don't think he's angry with you—" Thor snorts at that, because it certainly seems that way "—I believe he is angry with himself. What happened with Loki…" she sighs.
"You know?" Thor asks, hopeful.
Frigga nods slowly. "Your father has sworn us in a magical vow of silence," she admits after a moment, which explains a lot. The only person who could speak of it without dying is his father, then. "I would tell you, but…" she sighs. "It is for the best, what happened. It was an impossible set of circumstances."
"You don't think that I should find Loki, either," Thor says. His shoulders drop. Everyone seems against this idea.
Frigga's face twists. She reaches out and rests a hand on Thor's stallion's face, gently stroking her thumb across the dark brown skin. "In truth," she admits, her voice somehow softer, "I believe that your brother is suffering horribly. I want you to find him and bring him home. Perhaps that is selfish, but the Norns will forgive my mother's heart. I will help you in any way I can," she says firmly. She looks up at him, and Thor can see a familiar, if dull, mischievous twinkle in her gaze.
Gods. He can't remember the last time he saw his mother look anything but empty since Loki fell.
Thor smiles thinly. "Thank you."
She nods, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Thor leans into the touch. "Your loyalty to your brother is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that Loki would do the same for you." Thor sincerely doubts that, but it's a nice sentiment nonetheless. Frigga smiles tightly at him. "I'm proud of you, my son." She reaches up and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.
The reassurance and the soft contact soothe him, offering support Thor didn't realize he was desperate for until that moment. Thor forces out a sharp breath and refuses to let the swell of emotions overcome him. He can think about all of this later. Process it. Right now is not the time to be feeling things.
"I need a way off of Asgard," Thor admits, "I had planned on using the tears between worlds, but Heimdall said I should go to Midgard, and the—"
"—tears are unreliable at best, yes, I know," Frigga finishes. She frowns. "Loki has found a way to navigate them. He wouldn't tell me how, but he has them mapped."
"Loki uses unstable magic and isn't even winded," Thor points out. A feat that would severely damage or even kill most sorcerers. It's where the true extent of his magical genius comes into play. Loki is not an exception to the rule, he just seems to negotiate with it.
Frigga's small smile is fond at that as if she's recalling a memory. She looks up at him, her gaze hardening. "I can send you with dark energy. It won't be pleasant, and I will be unable to retrieve you or your brother for several months if it comes to that."
"Loki can get us home," Thor promises. "Even if we have to wait while he heals," because he will heal and he will be okay, and there is nothing that Odin can say or do to stop that from happening, "we will come home eventually, Mother."
Frigga's eyes grow sad again. "I know, my son. Look out for your brother."
Thor nods sincerely, "I will."
A few minutes later, Frigga casts her magic and Thor goes tumbling in the thick, heavy blackness between the worlds toward Midgard.