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Chapter Text

Previously on C - Closing Time: 

- Before anything, don't come up with some stupid name like The Defenders or anything like that or I'm out. - Jessica said. 

About a year after that, with their group of vigilantes back into action, this time willingly, they found their rhythm as a group, with Claire treating their wounds and burns - pursed lips denouncing how much she loathed all that violence, Danny helping by opening up his company's channels for them, Karen pairing up with Jessica on occasion - having received the tips to better stalk and photograph her clients' interests, Luke being adamant they should try the bars on his side of town - he could swear the alcohol tasted different there, Foggy dealing with the upcoming wedding arrangements - and also thankful for Matt finding help, even vigilante help, though his worries had in no way diminished.

Foggy and Karen knew Matt wouldn’t leave his double life behind, so they had to accept they were now a part of it, too. Matt was still beating the shit out of criminals, still making the front page of some newspapers whenever he busted child trafficking rings or drug cartels, with or without help. 

Against Jessica’s hopes, the nickname Defenders stuck, which contributed to intensify her eye roll. She and the guys would go out and find infos that would either make the news or serve as tips for the police. Matt’s identity was still a secret, or, as Foggy would say: maybe there is someone looking out for you, after all.

*

On a random evening, happy that their firm was finally making good profit, Karen found herself smiling at the thought of meeting Matt for dinner to celebrate the milestone of one year of their firm. Foggy had canceled on them an hour before, due to a family emergency, but he told them to go ahead anyway, so the reservation and the celebration wouldn't go to waste. Basically, it was gonna be just the two of them, some Italian food and a good bottle of wine. 

Matt arrived 10 minutes early, had already ordered the wine and was just waiting for Karen to show up. Truth be told, he was trying his best to not see this as a date. 

Karen arrived 3 minutes late, apologizing for her tardiness, which earned him a smile. She was never late to anything, not in all the time he knew her. He rose from his chair to help with hers. 

- Such a gentleman. - she smiled at him, while sitting down. - It's a pity Foggy canceled. They say this place is one of the best.

- Yeah, but I'm glad we can be the guinea pigs to confirm that rumor. I ordered their best wine, according to the waiter. - he said, going back to his own chair. 

- Great. I'm starving. The power bar I had for lunch is long gone. 

- I'm not even gonna lecture you on your poor eating habits because it would be like the pot calling… you know… - he said, pouring some wine into their glasses.

She smiled and raised her glass.

- To Nelson, Murdock & Page. Or, Murdock & Page tonight, I guess. 

Her choice of words wasn't lost on him.

The dinner went on quickly, both of them happy to attest that the rumors were true. Indeed it was the best homemade sauce and pasta in town. Soon enough, they were walking slowly towards her apartment, their bellies full of fettuccine and good wine. Karen was smiling more than usual, feeling very happy and fulfilled. 

Halfway through, it started to rain faintly. They didn't even halt or accelerate their pace, they just kept walking, indifferent to the droplets falling. Matt thought back on the last time he'd been in this situation, his heart aching. He didn't wanna make a move unless he knew for sure she wanted the same thing, but they were so relaxed that he just gave into the vibes. 

Soon, they were remembering some inside joke from the last time they all managed to find time to hang out, mostly involving Foggy’s shenanigans and Jessica’s reactions to his jokes. 

When they reached her building, she turned to him, still smiling, ready to say goodnight. He took the opportunity to kiss her. She froze in surprise but returned the kiss after a second. He gave half a step back, regretting his impulsivity.

- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…

- It’s fine, Matt. You just caught me by surprise. - she didn’t sound upset.

- Either way, I’m s…

- Don’t apologize, please. We’re both drunk and happy, there’s history there. Don’t ruin it. - she was smiling.

- Okay... - he looked relieved. 

- Let’s just consider this the perfect way to end a perfect night after a great dinner in the best company. - she said, repeating the words both of them had said more than a year before.

Matt just smiled and nodded. He said goodnight and waited till she got inside to walk away, the feeling of incompleteness still lingering.

Karen waited till she was inside her apartment to smile and touch her lips. Such a brief and chaste kiss shouldn’t cause such a reaction.

So he was still interested. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t as well. 

The next day, Foggy asked how the dinner went. Both Karen and Matt spoke at the same time: 

- Great.

- Ok… - Foggy answered slowly, looking at his friends. They seemed happy but at the same time they were acting a little strange. - So the food is as great as they advertise?

- Better, even. - Matt said, trying to sound casual. Foggy looked at him, suspicious. Then, he looked at Karen, who had a light blush on her neck and cheeks. - Ok, guys, what happened? Tell me. You’re both acting weird.

- Nothing happened. We ate and had some wine. - Karen answered, while Matt occupied himself in opening a folder. Foggy noticed the folder’s label was upside down. - I’m a little hangover, that’s all.

- Ok, then. I’ll take that as a sign that we hit this milestone in great style. - he said, sitting at his desk to answer the phone. - Nelson, Murdock & Page, how may I help you?

Neither of them addressed the kiss again. Either way, they got closer and closer each day. The proximity brought new feelings and intensified old ones.

Some time passed and Matt decided he couldn’t take it anymore. He would have to talk to her. He decided the next day would be the day. They had scheduled a breakfast at a recently opened bakery close to their office, taking the rare opportunity that both of their schedules this Tuesday morning were free. He said the smell was making him too hungry to concentrate on work. She had volunteered to be his plus one on this endeavor of eating freshly baked pastries. 

When he arrived at the bakery, she was already there and he could sense her stress and anxiety. He sat across from her and touched her forearm, asking her what was wrong. 

- Actually, nothing is wrong. I… Remember Ellison invited me for dinner at his place? - he nodded. - I went there last night and he… hmm…

- What? 

- Well… he offered me a job, a position back at the newspaper.

Matt was surprised and confused. 

- Well, that's great. I'm happy for you, but why do you seem so anxious? Wasn't it a good proposal?

- The position is in Los Angeles. 

- Oh. - Los Angeles. The other side of the country. He wouldn't have her around, he couldn't be with her every day, he… 

- I told him I'm gonna think about it. - she went on, as he felt his heart break. There's no way she would let an opportunity like this go to waste. 

- Sure, sure… - he answered, though he seemed distracted.

- Matt? - she said his name, her voice hopeful and broken at the same time. - What do you think? 

I think you should stay here with me, he thought. 

- I think I don't have a say in this matter. It's your life, after all… - he chuckled, humorlessly. Karen just stared at him, confused. He looked… angry? Sad? 

- Matt…

- Oh, wow. Sorry, I totally forgot I scheduled a meeting with a potential client in 15 minutes. - he rose from the chair. - I'll talk to you later. - he left. 

- Matt, wait… - she rose, but the waitress approached the table, bringing all the freshly baked pastries Karen had ordered. 

- He just left? Just like that? - Foggy asked, eating a bagel from the box Karen brought from the bakery. 

- Yeah, just like that. He said he was late for a meeting. - she looked sad and confused. She had told Foggy about Ellison's proposal. Foggy said he'd be sad to see her go, but he'd support her decision. 

- Have you given it any thoughts yet?

- Yeah, I'm still not sure. Ellison needs my answer as soon as possible. The position does look amazing, I would have free rein, the payment is more than I ever made in my life, but… - she looked down. 

- What? 

She took a deep sigh.

- My whole life is here. We have such a great thing going on, I have friends here, now we have help, we're making a difference. Jessica finally let me help her with a case and even thanked me for my insights and findings… - they chuckled. - I mean, yeah, I should be more anxious about it, but I just… - she shook her head. 

- Then don't go, K. If your heart belongs here, it's as simple as that. 

- Yeah… simple as that. 

Your heart belongs here, or more accurately, belongs to someone. 

*

This someone was punching a sandbag at the moment. Of course he didn't have a meeting with a client, he just needed to let out all the steam. He had left Karen at the bakery and went straight to Fogwell's, hoping to be alone. Wish granted. He was alone with his thoughts and his sandbag, which was taking all the anger and frustration he was feeling. He needed to find something to occupy his mind in the meantime. When would she leave? Would she leave? Of course she would. Was it a sign that on the day he was supposed to ask her if she would consider trying again, she got a proposal to leave New York? Maybe it was a sign they shouldn't be together after all. He punched the bag harder. 

The last few months, he opened up a little more each day, he felt at ease enough with her and with his fellow vigilantes, something he often still struggled with, but less and less as time passed. Each one of them brought something unique to their unexpected partnership, both in the office and during the nights. 

And there was also the fact Matt felt Karen's relief and lightness after confessing her darkest secrets. Their friendship was both different and better now. More than once, he climbed Karen's fire escape at night so she could patch his shoulder or just because he wanted to talk to her after having not been with her all day. Often, he'd find her either occupying herself reading or watching some trashy TV show till he made it to her apartment. He'd tease her, but promised to not let the others know what kind of TV shows she was into. 

Matt remembered every lost opportunity he had to make a move and punched the sandbag harder and harder. 

His phone rang from inside his pants, folded at the bench. He turned his head and waited till the ringing stopped, his forehead touching the sandbag, his eyes closed. Whoever it was, it would have to wait. He didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment. 

On Wednesday, Matt showed up for work earlier. He had checked the shared schedule and saw that Karen had to meet Trish and Jessica on the other side of town. Foggy had to visit a client, so Matt had the office for himself all morning. He couldn’t concentrate on anything. When a client walked in, he talked to him, signed the contracts, answered his questions, explained how the system worked, how the trial might go, but his mind was far. By lunch, he left the office, leaving a note for his partners that he had business to attend regarding this recent client Foggy brought to the office. 

Karen sighed when she saw Matt’s note. She called his phone, but all she heard was the line ringing. She didn't leave a voicemail or a message. She wanted to hear his voice, talk to him, not to a machine. 

Foggy saw her expression and clicked his tongue. Matt was running from her and he couldn't see what that was doing to her. She’d have to decide which way to go soon. If she accepted Ellison’s proposal, she'd have to move by the next week. Foggy could see how unsettled, excited and doubtful she was. It was a big move, yes, but he couldn't exactly have a say in this, having never lived outside of New York. None of them actually could say anything, not even Ellison. This position was big in all matters, she had been the first on his mind when the position opened, he had said. It was a big compliment, a testament to her competence and commitment to her job. 

Karen went home earlier that day, frustrated. This would have been an easy decision a year and a half ago, when her relationship with Matt had ended, and later when he disappeared. But today, her life was finally on the right track. She felt guilty for not accepting Ellison's proposal right away. He put his faith in her and had asked her with eagerness and confidence she'd accept it, and the first thing that came to her mind was Matt. She always hated seeing her friends letting go of their dreams and careers over a man and now she was in the same position, considering doing the same thing. Only was it her dream? Did she want that? Her future was hanging by this decision. Should she choose financial stability on the other side of the country or her happiness by staying where she was? 

Foggy didn't wanna say anything that would make her doubt she should be the one to make this decision, but in his heart, he didn't want her to go. Neither did Marci. She invited Karen for a quick lunch that day and as a friend she supported her and told her it was a big opportunity and she shouldn't let it go to waste, but the truth was she agreed with Foggy that Karen was struggling to make a decision. The reason was clear to both of them.

The next day, Matt called Foggy early to tell him he’d cover all the hearings and client visits they had scheduled for that Thursday. That would keep him busy all day. Foggy just sighed and when he tried to talk to Matt about Karen, Matt said he was late and hung up the phone.

Karen tried to call him only once. Fortunately for him, he could answer now, having the perfect excuse to not prolong the conversation.

- Hey, I’m sorry. My hearing is about to start any minute.

- Oh, ok… - she said, sounding a little disappointed. - I was just checking in…

He concentrated on listening to her breathing. 

- Karen…

- Yeah, I’m here. Sorry, I forgot what I was gonna say… - truth was she didn’t wanna discuss this over the phone. Ellison sent her a message asking if she had made a decision and instead of answering his message, she called Matt.

- Hmm. Ok, they just called me here. I’m sorry, but I have to go. - he said, his heart aching for lying to her. His next hearing wasn’t scheduled for another 15 minutes. With a pang of guilt, he remembered that she had access to their shared schedule, so she could check if he was lying if she wanted to. He hoped she wasn’t staring at the screen for confirmation.

- Oh, ok. Hmm… we’ll talk later, then. Bye.

- Bye, Karen. - he hung up, taking a deep breath and leaning into the wall. Coward.

Karen hung up and called Ellison right away.

Later that evening, Foggy went to Matt’s place. He was getting ready to meet Luke for a bust uptown and was waiting for his call.

- So you're gonna keep hiding? What should I tell Karen? She's been asking about you. 

- Tell her a client came up. 

- Matt, come on. You can't hide from her. We're back to your old habits? Are you even answering her calls and texts? 

- Of course, Foggy. I just… I need some time.

- Time you should be spending with her. You'll regret having missed the last days you could have together.

Matt sighed. He agreed with Foggy, but he couldn't face this, seeing her getting ready to start a new life away from him. His phone rang, saying Luke’s name over and over. He rose from the couch and walked to the stairs leading to his roof access, his jaw clenched.

- Foggy, I can’t deal with this right now. Luke is waiting for me. 

- Fine. - Foggy pursed his lips, shaking his head, watching Matt going up the stairs. - She accepted Ellison’s offer, not that you asked. - he said, walking down the hallway and closing the door.

Matt halted, his hand on the door handle. He felt his heart getting cold. He leaned his forehead on the door, his eyes closed, his heart shattered.

Thanks for reading.

Chapter Text

The possibility of not being able to be with her everyday was eating him inside. He wanted to ask her to stay, but what could he offer her? She already knew how dangerous his life was, she experienced what a relationship with him could bring to her life, uncertainty, pain, even loss. Permanent loss. 

Matt skipped work on Friday and drank his sorrows. He checked their schedule and saw that Karen had a meeting with Ellison early in the morning to discuss the position she’d take starting next Monday, sign the contracts and deal with her moving arrangements. Most likely, Jessica would take over her open cases.

He didn't call her all day, barely answered a text she sent telling him she was having lunch with Jessica to deliver the info they gathered or, as they would call it, sharing war stories. Jessica sent him a voice message along with Karen's soft laugh in the background. 

- Hey , Murdock. We don't miss you at all. I'm just calling because you should know we are not thinking of you. 

- Come on, be nice. - Karen's voice made his heart ache. 

Foggy found him after work and they both sat in silence. Matt had already cried, moped and drank. Foggy opened his mouth several times only to close it right after, thinking about either telling his friend to stop being a coward and also to take time to agree with him. Not having Karen around would be a major down in their office and in their lives. Of course they would try to talk frequently, but it would never be the same again. He knew Matt was taking it harder, hence all the drinking. He sighed and rose from the couch to go to the kitchen, to try and clean it up a little bit. The place was a mess. Had Matt had anything to eat today? There were only beer bottles on the kitchen counter. Foggy shook his head and took a trash bag to clean all the mess. 

- Just leave it, Foggy. - Matt's voice came from the couch. He was lying down, one arm over his eyes. 

Foggy didn't answer, only kept cleaning till there was no evidence of his friend's sorrows. He took the trash bags out and came back, sitting in one of the chairs in the living room. He thought about it for a moment and couldn't keep his mouth shut anymore. 

- I wasn't gonna say anything, but… all you have to do is tell her, buddy.

- I can't. It's her life, her future. 

- Exactly. And it's her decision. 

- What if I ask her to stay and lose her for good if I mess this up again?

- Matt… - Foggy shook his head. He had never seen his friend in such a state. - It's a risk you have to take. She might go to LA and start a new life or she can stay here with you, but it's up to you to let her know she even has this choice. Whether she chooses to go or to stay, you can't drink your sorrows over the possibility you might screw this up. I'm not gonna say you have nothing to lose, because it's quite the opposite. 

He didn't know if that was helping or not. Surely, Matt had already thought about it, but for some reason he chose to suffer till he couldn't take it anymore. The woman he loves was about to leave to start a new life and he couldn't bring himself to ask her to consider the possibility of not going. 

- Thanks for coming, Fog. I’ll make it up to the office hours I missed.

- Matt, I don't care about that. I'm about to lose my two best friends, one for moving cities and the other for drinking, apparently. Do you think I want to see you like this? You put on a brave face in front of her, you hide your feelings, but in the end, it's your loss, buddy. 

- Just don't… you can go, ok? 

- Ok, I'm going. Take your time tomorrow to recover from your drinking. Marci booked a table at Nonna’s for a going away party for Karen tomorrow at 7:30. If you decide to show up, try and be in the best shape you can, ok? She deserves that.

Matt for once didn't say anything. Foggy sighed and rose from the couch, closing the door on his way out. 

Matt just turned over on the couch, thinking about Foggy's words. Surely he had already thought about all of that, the risks, the possibilities, but then again, she had already decided to go. He had lost her either way.

He got up from the couch and went to the bathroom, hoping a shower would clear his head. 

The next morning, Matt went after Maggie, who saw right through her son's sadness and dark circles under his eyes. She had heard about Karen’s impending move to Los Angeles, from the woman herself, when she showed up two days before, disguising her need to talk while sorting out clothes for donations. Maggie looked closely at Matt's face. Contrary to his belief, he couldn’t hide his true feelings.  

For about half an hour, Matt hadn't said a word, surely trying to avoid the subsequent conversation. Some things would have been better being discussed with Paul, but Matthew didn't get used to the priest who replaced him, so he restored to keeping this subject and others to himself. 

Maggie waited till the subject was brought up by him, but since he seemed so adamant to avoid it at all costs, she got tired and decided to investigate.

- So, I heard Karen might move to Los Angeles. 

Matthew sighed and bowed his head. 

- Yeah. 

- And you're not gonna say anything about it? 

- Say what? 

- Come on, Matthew. You're gonna make me say it? 

Matthew sighed again and shook his head.

- I don't wanna talk about it. It's not why I came here for.

- Then why did you come here?

- To help with the donations. 

- I don't need help, not really. Everything was already sorted out, by Karen herself. 

- She came here? - his surprise was clear. 

- She comes here often, we talk, have some tea. She told me about the job proposal and how torn she was about it.

- Was she? - he sounded a little hopeful but soon restored his face to somber. 

Maggie pursed her lips. Matthew was impossible. 

- She was. Her whole life and her friends are here. She found a home here, she said. But this job proposal is too tempting, she'd make a lot of money.

What Maggie didn't say was that after answering a few questions, trying to look cheerful, Karen ended up crying and confessing Matthew was the reason she was torn about her decision, that she didn't know what his thoughts were, since he was avoiding her. Maggie only let the other woman cry. She wouldn't push her son into making a decision he might not be ready for or gossip to make them be together. 

Matthew didn't say anything, just shook his head and said that he was going, then, since help wasn't needed. He decided to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear his head. 

Saturday evening came fast. Everyone arrived at the designated time. Everyone except for Matt.

After about an hour, Foggy excused himself, called Matt and left a voice message. 

- Hey, buddy. We're all here and… you're not. - he sighed. - Are you sure this is the best night to be doing whatever it is you're doing? Jessica and Luke are here, so you have no excuse not to be. Even Claire came, Matt. - Foggy looked over at Karen talking to Marci, trying to look cheerful, but her eyes wouldn't stop going to the door every few seconds. - Karen leaves tomorrow afternoon. You should be here to say goodbye to her. At least pretend you care. 

Matt listened to Foggy's voicemail and closed his eyes. He wasn't daredeviling, he wasn't drinking. He was past the point of moping. He had reached the stage of accepting the fact that he was gonna lose her not because she chose to go, but for his lack of courage to ask her to stay. 

He got up from his couch, got his keys and headed to the bar. 

Ellison took his fork and clinked it on his glass, calling everyone's attention. 

- Ok, I'm gonna say a few words. This woman here annoys the hell out of me, but she writes good articles, she’s driven and she works so hard that I had to force her to go home at least 3 times every week she worked for me. - people chuckled, knowing all too well it was the truth. - Nobody can question how competent she is and I knew she was the right choice for this job. - Karen smiled, her eyes thankful. 

Matt listened to Ellison's speech from outside, his head bowed, his smile sad. He was gathering courage to get in and face the situation. Face Karen. Every time the restaurant door opened, he'd lost the courage he had gathered since the last few minutes.

Jessica raised her glass.

- I gotta say I'm relieved I'll have less competition. I promise to send my most boring and annoying clients your way. 

- Yeah, Jess. Only yesterday you said you were gonna miss Karen's company for drinks. - Luke said, exposing Jessica's soft side for everyone, making them all smile.  

- I was drunk when I said that. 

Foggy raised his glass, opened his mouth but couldn't say anything. Marci raised hers and said:

- To Karen. 

- To Karen. - they all said. 

Karen's heart ached. Matt hadn't shown up. They were almost leaving and he had to go out daredeviling tonight? Of all nights? She sighed, trying to hide her disappointment in favor of her friends who had showed up to say goodbye. She raised her glass and took a deep breath.

- When I first came to New York, I had no one, no friends, let alone a family and today I have both. I have friends to share jokes with, to comment on TV shows I refuse to admit I watch…

- The Bachelor… - Marci said and they all laughed. 

- But I… today, I consider myself very lucky because you're the family I chose. - she looked at Foggy, who pursed his lips. He knew she was talking about him and Matt and hated his friend a little for missing this. 

- So, thank you all for coming on such short notice. You can go and visit me in LA any time you want. - she joked. 

- Hell, no! - Jessica said. - That much sun won't do me any good. 

Standing outside, Matt waited till they started to leave so he could come in pretending he was late by accident. 

- I can't believe Matt didn't show up. - he heard Foggy's murmur to Marci, while Karen thanked Luke and Jessica for coming and apologized to Claire for making her come from a long shift straight to the restaurant. 

- I know. Me neither. - Marci said, taking the last sip of her drink. 

- I wanna kick him. 

- Let it go, honey. He has his reasons. This is between them. 

Karen hugged Ellison, thanking him for the vote of confidence. Foggy and Marci decided to go home, too. Karen had tears in her eyes while hugging Marci.

- I'm gonna miss you guys so much. 

- Me too. But we'll see you at the wedding. You're one of my bridesmaids, after all.  

- I won't miss you making an honest man out of Foggy. 

- Hey! I'm the most honest man there is. Don't put ideas in her head. 

They hugged and Karen thanked him for his support and his friendship. 

- Hey, no tears. It's just the other side of the country. We can FaceTime. You'll never get rid of me. - Foggy said, hugging Karen and swaying her a little. - You take care, ok? You're one of the good ones. 

She didn’t say anything, only nodded.

Over Karen's shoulder, Foggy saw Matt coming in. His face was reserved, but he looked sober at least. He stepped away from Karen, who saw his face and turned around. 

- Matt… - she murmured.

- Hey, Karen. 

They didn't say anything else. After a few seconds, Foggy cleared his throat. 

- Hmm yeah, we were just leaving. - Foggy took Marci's hand and when they reached the door, they both looked back at Karen and Matt, who hadn't sat down yet and were just standing there, facing each other.

- Sorry I'm late. 

- It's ok. I'm glad you made it. 

- Yeah… I was… I couldn't… - Damn, one excuse? You can't find one excuse? , he thought. 

- It's ok, Matt. I thought you wouldn't show up at all. 

- Let me buy you a drink. 

- No, it's fine. I've had plenty.

- Please. Just one. I'm already as embarrassed as it is. 

She sighed and agreed. They sat down again and Karen gave Matt a once over. 

- Are you ok? I haven't seen you for a few days. 

- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great. You know, too much work.

- Really? Because you barely talked to me since I got the job proposal. I don't even know if you care if I'm leaving or not. 

Matt felt her anxiety and sadness and regretted once again his decision to not talk to her sooner. She thought he didn't care? He tried to offer some sort of explanation. 

- I'm sorry for being absent, it's just… we work together day in and day out and suddenly, I have only a few days to deal with the fact you might leave everything behind to live on the other side of the country. I have only a handful of people in my life as it is and I was about to lose one of them.

- It's not just you. I have as many people in my life as you have. If you had talked to me, I would have told you how torn I was about this. I wanted to talk to you. In the end I decided to leave to see what's out there for me and this decision hurt so bad. I wanted to know what you think about all of this, but you were unavailable. Everything happened so fast. In two days I had to deal with contracts, moving arrangements, my open cases, meetings about the new job, Foggy walked me through all of the changes in our own firm and our partnership and all that time I wanted your opinion, someone to tell me I'm crazy for going. Everyone has been so supportive and I needed a different opinion. I needed my friend.  

- I'm sorry. 

- No, we're past this. I'm leaving tomorrow, you know? 

Matt just nodded. Their drinks arrived and he took a sip, hoping for courage. Any thoughts he might have had on what to tell her flew out of the window. Karen had this ability to make him speechless and, at the same time, make him wanna confess everything. 

- What's left to do? Have you packed everything? - he asked, trying to make up for lost time. 

- Almost. I still have a few things to pack, but I'm doing that tomorrow morning. I paid for this service to pack everything and they'll have it all shipped on monday.

- Wow. So… this is really happening. - he gave half a smile, trying to sound cheerful and supportive and hoping his face matched his acting. 

- Yes. It is. - she sounded sure, but her voice had an undertone of disappointment. 

- Do you need help moving something?

- No, Matt. It's all fine. 

He nodded and took a deep breath. He hated making their potentially last interaction so uncomfortable for them both. 

- So, who's gonna take you to the airport? 

- Foggy offered to take me, but something related to their wedding came up and now I'm taking a cab. 

- Oh. 

- Would you like to come along? - she asked, timidly. 

- Yeah. - he smiled, relieved she wasn't angry enough to push him away. - I'd like that. 

- Good. It will make this harder, but I think I can wait till the plane takes off to cry. - she joked, but he knew she meant it and so did she. 

He felt a little less guilty for missing her goodbye party and all of the previous days.

- Ok, so what else do you know about this job? Where are you gonna live? Wait.. why am I even asking this? I have no context of Los Angeles. Just tell me if it's close or far from the ocean. 

She smiled and answered his questions, their conversation lighter than it was a few moments before. 

Karen and Matt left the bar and he insisted on walking her home. They talked all the way through her place, the last days vanishing fast as they walked slowly, both successfully avoiding the subject moving to LA. 

When they reached her front steps, Matt turned to her. 

- So… this was the last time we had a drink together. 

- Of course not! You can come and visit me, I'm coming back to Foggy's wedding in the fall. 

- Yeah, but it won't be the same. 

- Matt…

- No, I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to say this. 

Karen bowed her head, tears threatening to fall. If she was sure of her decision, why did it hurt so much? 

- Karen… - he took her hand. 

She lifted her head and saw that he, too, had tears in his eyes. 

- What? 

- Sorry for missing out the last few days. 

- You already apologized. 

- I know, but I'm really bad at this. I didn't wanna face you leaving New York, leaving me. I thought that avoiding it would make it less true. 

- Matt…

- No, just… - he took a step forward and touched her cheek. She closed her eyes. Was this really happening? Right now? - You need to know I'll miss you everyday. 

He kissed her forehead, then her cheek and before she processed what had happened, he was gone. Karen opened her eyes and the tears flowed freely. 

Thanks for reading.

Chapter Text

Karen woke up on Sunday morning with a strange feeling. All the sadness she felt towards Matt's absence was no longer there. Their brief encounter the previous night somehow made up for all of the days he avoided her. Maybe she got used to the let down? No, that wasn't fair. He managed to gain her trust again since he came back, so she would have to take his word that he couldn't deal with losing someone close so fast.

Truth be told, neither could she. When she moved to NY, like she had said, she had no one. Everyone was in a hurry, a hundred accents and languages, filth, tourists everywhere, expensive rent, expensive life. She had to learn quickly to set aside her loneliness, the fact she was a young woman in a new city, and find a way to first survive in it. Maybe later she'd find a friend of two. 

Now that her life was good and comfortable, she had more than a friend or two and they all complement each other and made her life better each in their specific way. She chose to trade that for a new opportunity, a new start, even if, namely, it would be an easier start than the previous one. 

Karen looked around her room, to her bag open by the door, only her toiletries needed to be put there now, to the boxes with all her clothes and books, already tagged and ready to be shipped. 

Her friends were clearly sad to see her go, even though they had all fully supported her decision. Even Jessica, who had a hard time getting attached and trusting people, sent her a message earlier this morning saying there was still time to give up. Karen chuckled, recognizing Jessica’s attempt to say she’d be missed.

And then, of course, there was Matt. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving him behind. After everything they've been through, she would leave just when their friendship and partnership was in sync and on the right track? She sighed and turned over, bringing ler legs up to her chest. He had kissed her on their firm's anniversary, but quickly they went back to their usual daily banter and responsibilities. He didn't apologize but never tried anything again. Karen couldn't deny everytime she thought about that kiss, she'd get butterflies in her stomach. His spontaneity added more meaning to the fact he kissed her on her front steps again, while they were soaked from the rain. She hadn't expected it but she enjoyed it nonetheless. 

She had put it in the unexpected but great kiss after celebrating a milestone nobody would have said was possible a year before box. Something one would do at New Year's. Yes, she thought about it constantly, it took days for her to be comfortable around him again, but since he never addressed the subject, and neither did she, she just let go. 

Karen got up and went to the kitchen to make her first coffee of the day and most likely her last in this apartment. 

She wanted to talk to someone. Her heart still had doubts, crazy as it sounds, given all her belongings were in boxes and the only clothes that weren't were the ones she'd wear on the plane and the old shirt made pajamas she was wearing right now, which, by the way, was the shirt she once borrowed from Matt, back when they met. She never tossed it away, never gave it away. Sleeping on it the last few days looked like random, but in the back of her mind, she knew it was a poor substitute for the real thing. 

She huffed, thinking for a man so brave, Matt surely was a coward when it came to dealing with his feelings. That eulogy certainly served as a glimpse to his true feelings, but still, some things he either didn't wanna access or he didn't know how to. 

She only knew she still had feelings for him. But now it was too late. She would be leaving in a few hours and, ironically, the one who'd ship her off was Matt himself. 

Matt hadn't slept the whole night. 

The night before had been both painful and amazing. He had struggled to go, but then leaving afterwards had been harder. Somehow the words found their way out of his mouth before he could even think it through. He had even touched her face and kissed her forehead. Given a few more seconds, he’d have kissed her properly and asked her to stay.

He groaned. It was unfair waiting till the last possible minute to say what he wanted, after her bag was made, all her stuff packed. 

Matt sighed and got out of bed. He needed a shower, a cup of coffee and some words of wisdom.

The mass would begin in 40 minutes, according to his watch. He would have plenty of time to make it. 

He arrived at the church with about ten minutes to spare. He just needed the comfort, the familiarity of his church to ease his heart. He'd meet Karen in a few hours to be her, what, chaperone to the gate that would take her away? Why did I agree to that?, he thought. It looks like I'm giving her my blessing. So long, farewell, take care. Be happy.

He bowed his head and prayed for some insight, some way to be at peace. Please, show me if I should move on or make a move. Please.

- Matthew? - he opened his eyes and raised his head. Ellison was standing by the bench. Matt rose and shook his hand.

- Hey. I didn't know you came to this church. 

- Normally, we don't, but my wife wanted to try another church with a different priest. This is the second one we came to, actually. 

- Where is she?

- She's just outside. She'll be in any moment. I saw you here and came to say hello before the mass.

Matt nodded. He didn't want to be rude, but he didn't want to talk to Ellison at the moment. Not to him. 

- How are you doing, Matthew? 

- I'm fine. 

- I hope you forgive me for saying so, but you don't look fine to me.  

- Oh, you know. Too much work, not enough sleep. 

- Oh. - Ellison gave the man a once over. He looked pale and tired. Clearly, this was related to Karen's departure. Had they talked? Ellison had seen them together and more than once noticed the way Karen looked at the man, her eyes lingering, the barely hidden smile he saved just for her. If these two weren't together, Ellison couldn't figure out why. Karen had taken a couple of days to decide, no doubt weighing the pros and cons of such a big change in her life. She decided to accept the proposal, the position was perfect for her, but after witnessing her barely hidden disappointment last night and seeing the man in front of him in so much distress, he wondered if he should do something or not.

His wife made her way in and approached them. 

- Let's find a seat? 

- Lily, remember Matthew? He's Karen's friend and partner.

- Sure! How are you doing? 

- Good. And you, Mrs. Ellison?

- Trying to find a more suitable church for me. Would you say this is a good one? Do you like the local priest? He's so young.

- The previous one, yes. I knew him my whole life and now I'm still getting used to his replacement. 

- Oh. Well, I hope it's a win-win for the both of us. 

- Yeah, hopefully. 

Mitchell led his wife down the aisle to sit closer to the altar, but after they sat down, he looked back at the man sitting all the way back there. The church was big and wasn’t nowhere near full for him to sit so far behind. 

- He's her friend? I thought they were together. The way she talks about him. - Lily whispered to her husband. 

- Yeah. Apparently it's all there is... - he whispered back, still looking over at Matt, who had his head bowed in prayer.

Soon enough, the mass began. Matt kept on praying for some guidance, for some peace. He paid close attention to the sermon. Father Lantom’s sermons were profound and spoke especially to his soul. Sometimes he’d come to the church just for the familiarity and somehow a word would suffice to give him what he didn’t know he needed.

- … and that’s why we shall not fear the obstacles. God wants us to be brave and face our fears. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us: Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you . As well as Joshua 1:9: Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. What can we gather from these? Fear may paralyze us, but with faith, it will be only another obstacle. God won't abandon us in our faith. Let’s ask God to give us the wisdom to recognize when our courage is bigger than our fear. If I may, my wise mother used to say one should try either way, the worst that can happen is you're told no. Let us pray.

The whole church prayed together. Matt smiled recognizing his own eulogy’s words in the sermon, so in the end there was a little bit of Father Lantom in it, too. 

After the mass was over, watching Matt walking away, Ellison took his phone out of his pocket to make a call. 

Karen ended the call, her hands a little shaky. She walked up to her bedroom window, looking at the people coming and going. She smiled and closed her eyes, feeling the weight that had just been lifted from her heart. 

She heard a knock on her door and walked up to it. She looked through the peephole, raised her eyebrows and unlocked the door.

- Hey. - her surprise and confusion were evident. 

- Hi. I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced. Your neighbor let me in. - he looked nervous and hesitant. 

- Matt, it’s fine. - she chuckled. - Come in. - she let him through the door. Dropping by unannounced wasn’t exactly uncommon, with him climbing her fire escape at night  and coming in through her windows more than through her front door, so his words confused her even more. She would see him in a couple of hours, anyway. What had happened? 

Matt didn't go far. He turned around and trapped her in the hallway leading to her living room. He could smell her lavender shampoo, her toothpaste and everything that made her her. 

- You should be packing, I know. I just have something to say that I can't wait. I know it's the worst timing ever, but…

- What?

He hesitated for half a second and then pulled her by her neck, his lips swallowing her surprise. He kissed her long and hard, more than any kiss they ever shared before. Karen took a second to catch up and kiss him back. His other hand went to her waist to push her against the door. Despite his bold move, he held her as if she was gonna break, as if she was precious, like he wasn’t allowed to touch her but couldn’t help himself. 

After a few minutes, their lips parted and Karen stared at him, her eyebrows raised in surprise, her soft smile giving him the confidence he needed. She raised her hands and her thumbs caressed his lips. He took one of her hands and held it against his cheek.

- I'm so sorry for making you think I don't care. This past week was awful. The thought of not having you here is killing me. I had to stay away to stop myself from asking you to stay. - he closed his eyes and touched her forehead with his. - I know I’m asking too much, it's too risky a life and there are no guarantees I’m not gonna mess this up again, but... Karen, I'm crazy about you. Don't go. Stay with me. Please. - his whispered words were broken and heavy, his heart on his sleeve. He knew all too well that Karen could break his heart for good, but he decided to take a leap of faith. 

She just stared at him, still smiling softly, surprised by his sudden admission. It was more than she heard him say in days and he didn't exactly have the most stellar record on sharing his most personal feelings. Matt had his eyes closed, still holding one of her hands against his cheek, the other still at her waist, sending a silent prayer and waiting for her response.

- I’m not going to LA. - she said, finally taking him out of his misery.

- You’re not? - his relief was so evident she felt tears in her eyes. 

- Not anymore. - she whispered, caressing his cheeks. - I was about to call you. I talked to Ellison a few minutes ago. He said I am exactly where I belong and then he… he fired me. - she chuckled, amused and also a little confused.

Matt let out a short sigh in relief, his smile making his wrinkles more prominent. He kissed her once again, this time with less despair, just relief. 

- And... you're ok with this? You belong here? 

- I am. I do. 

Karen watched him closely, caressing his face, his happy expression warming her heart, his lips kissing hers lightly every few seconds. 

- You're crazy about me? - her question was timid.

He didn’t say anything, only nodded, their lips so close he felt hers moving when she spoke.

- Then show me.

So, he did.

Thanks for reading. 

Chapter Text

The late afternoon sunlight throws shades in the room where two people lie on the bed, among closed boxes and discarded clothes.

The man lies on his left side, facing the woman next to him, sighing lightly. He worries about nothing at all at the moment. He's sound asleep. The woman lies chest down, her arms folded under the pillow, supporting her head, but she faces the man, studying his serene face, his disheveled hair warming her heart. She had been the one to do most of that mess and the memories make her smile softly at the wonderful day they had just experienced and what she could have missed if the man hadn't taken the first step, hadn't been bold. She could be three thousand miles away, looking at a different city and at a different ocean, wearing lighter clothes inside a different house. But today, she's very much happy and satisfied with where she is, with who she is.

The man lets out a long sigh and takes the woman out of her reverie. He opens his eyes and takes a second to be aware of his surroundings.

- Morning. - he mumbles.

- It's almost 6 PM, actually. - she whispers as she feels his right hand going up and down her back as he gets closer, almost nose to nose. She closes her eyes to allow herself to feel everything she's feeling with this caress. The butterflies and the shivers. Never before she had felt so in peace, so loved, so certain. I can get used to this, she thinks.

- Then I guess we'll have an early dinner. What do you say?

- Sounds great.

- Are you hungry?

- Starving.

- Me too. - his fingers caress her head and run through her hair. She hasn't opened her eyes yet, still  enjoying her body's reaction to his touch. - Did you sleep ok?

She merely nods. He feels her gesture and smiles, propping himself on his elbow.

- You talk in your sleep. - he whispers against her ear,  the butterflies going like crazy yet again. 

She chuckles. - What did I say?

- You said: not the yellow one. It sounded important.

She smiles softly and murmurs. - I have no idea.

He chuckles and kisses her jaw till he gets to her forehead. He makes no move to get up and neither does she. They're finding out what it feels like waking up next to each other for the first time. His fingers still caress her back up and down, leaving a trace of tingles on her skin, this intimate touch still unfamiliar yet so welcome.

Suddenly, her phone announces she's got a voice  message, taking them out of the joined laziness. She groans as she turns around to get the device from her bedside table.

- It's from Marci. - she murmurs as she lie back on the bed, hitting play.

"Hey, girl. I wasn't sure if you were already answering calls or texts, if you're midair or not. I just wanted to let you know I found that jacket you thought you lost. It was inside my closet. I don't know how it got there. So I guess you'll get it back when you come for the wedding?" She paused as she listened to something in the background. She resumed her message, whispering this time. "By the way, I want to know how everything went last night. I promise I won't tell Foggy," she sighed. "He's worried about Matt. He's not answering his phone. Anyway, I gotta go. You tell me when you get home safe, ok?" she paused and sighed again. "Can't believe you'll be calling LA your home now. Bye."

Karen lets go of her phone and turns to Matt, propped on his elbow, biting his lower lip.

- Do you want me to call Foggy?

- Please.

She dials Foggy's number, putting the phone on speaker. They wait a few seconds till he answers.

- Karen? Do you miss me yet? Marci just left you a voicemail.

- Hi. Hmm, there's someone you should talk to first… - she looks at Matt, who doesn't seem nervous or hesitant, but happy, rested, peaceful. Gorgeous. She caresses his cheek. He takes her hand and brings it to his lips.

- Hey, Fog. - he says, his voice a little muffled.

- Wh- how- Matt is in LA too! - they hear Marci screaming 'what?!?' in the background.

- Foggy, I'm still in New York. - Karen says.

- You- what hap-

- I'm staying right here. - she interrupts him, still looking at Matt, who sighs and takes his lips to her ear to whisper I love you.

- Murdock, say something!

- She's staying right here. - he murmurs against her lips, his forehead on hers. 

- What? - Foggy and Marci ask louder, both clearly anxious and curious.

- Foggy, can we talk later? - his voice is firm. - I just wanted to update you. I'm fine. She's fine. We're fine.

- Sure, buddy.

- We're happy for you guys. - Marci says.

- Thanks. - they say in unison.

Foggy ends the call and Karen put the phone under her pillow.

- So. - he says against her lips. - I guess it's official.

Thanks for reading.