Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sue Miley hates Sou Hiyori. He's a despicable little man, with a terrible grin and soulless eyes.

She doesn't think the others are forced to interact with him as much as she is. Tia Safalin stays out of everyone's way, preferring to work alone. Rio Ranger clashes with him too much, and Gashu Satou disappears and reappears too much for him to interact much with Sou at all. 

"How's your guy, Miley?" he asks cheerfully, entering her room. He stares through the tinted glass window at the man hooked up to the IV, his lifeless vitals displayed on the monitors on the wall. 

Sue Miley restrains herself from responding. Sou always tries to aggravate her. He knows it's terribly easy. She needs to be the bigger person here if she wants this to work out in the long run.

"You know ASU-NARO's views on death, Miley," Sou says, like the little know-it-all he is. Sue Miley wishes she could rip her ears off whenever she hears his grating tone. "Trying to reverse it is pointless. But delaying it— now that is our mission. If only your beloved hadn't gone mad, perhaps we could have delayed his demise. He could have even lived forever! Isn't that a wonderful thing?" 

As the Western vows say, Emiri Harai will love her fiancé for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. She can't think of a reason as to why the two of them could ever fall out of love. They are the picture perfect image of a happy couple: love at first sight, instant compatibility, and pretty soon a beautiful marriage. 

Their marriage sprouted from a lovely workplace romance. The two of them work at a medical company, Emiri as a scientist and Shunsuke as an office worker. Of course, she was more forthcoming with flirting and such, as Shunsuke has always been prone to turning very red when he gets flustered. He has a nervous little laugh as well. It has always tickled her pink to see him like that whenever she calls him things like "darling" or "sweetheart." Eventually, she asked him on a date, and that lead to more dates, and what do you know? He proposed a while later. 

Emiri's friends all think that they're a perfect match. Emiri is outgoing and boisterous, while Shunsuke is quiet and reserved. The two of them bring out each other's better qualities. They're like the sun and moon. 

She's so glad that Shunsuke is the one she can grow old with. He has nothing but good qualities. Honest, respectful, gentle. He treats her like a princess, something Emiri's mother always told her was important in a husband. He's logical in his decisions, and he knows the right words to make someone feel special. The two of them put each other on pedestals, and in that way, they are still equals. 

Shunsuke sometimes works late, even later than Emiri. When he comes home, he's tired and his eyes hurt. 

"Looking at screens all day isn't good for you!" Emiri chirps while making him a cup of tea. She says it every night, even when he's in the bedroom changing into pajamas, knowing that he can't hear her. If she speaks the words into the universe, surely they will be embedded there. 

If he hasn't left her side since returning home, Shunsuke always says, "It's part of my job, Emi." But he always says it with a smile, so she knows he isn't angry with her. Shunsuke isn't angry very often. When he is, it's not scary, but it is worrying. It usually means something has gone terribly wrong. 

The two of them watch TV in the evenings. Emiri makes her fiancé rest his eyes and just listen. She knows that his job isn't easy for him, but she wants to ease his hurt just for a little bit. 

She thinks about their wedding sometimes. She doesn't know when it will happen simply because the two of them (moreso Shunsuke) are often swamped with work and are too tired to even begin thinking about planning such a large event. Emiri is thinking of proposing the idea of just having a party with guests, and maybe the reception between the two of them is private. She wants to have an event that focuses on the celebration moreso than the ceremony. A marriage to such an amazing man certainly deserves celebration. Emiri wants to dance with him to the perfect song, wants everyone watching them to smile at the happy couple. 

Emiri knows that it may be silly to imagine such an idealized version of romance. But her relationship is perfect, straight out of a beautiful story. Why shouldn't she dream?

Dear Miss Harai,

From what we have gathered from observations and recommendations, you are an outstanding scientist working at XXXXX. We understand that you are very dedicated to your work and your company, but we can offer you an even better position at ASU-NARO. We pay well and our studies have proven to have amazing results when done by experts. These studies may change how we as a society view life, death, and what comes afterwards, and the medical world will largely benefit. Unfortunately this letter must be vague, as these studies cannot be revealed to the public currently. However, we can guarantee that you will not regret taking this opportunity.

Best regards,

S ^&!-_ u? Hi-_-_%

At long last, the weekend arrives. Emiri sleeps in on these wonderful days, and when she wakes, she daydreams about what is in store. 

Maybe today, we could go on that picnic I mentioned a few days ago, she muses as she climbs out of bed. Shunsuke's side of the bed is bare, but that's normal. He is a habitual early riser.

She puts on her slippers (they're teddy bears rather than the cliche bunny ones) and walks into the living room to find her fiancé pacing back and forth in front of the TV. He's moving his hands rapidly as if trying to clarify what he's hurriedly muttering under his breath. Emiri knows Shunsuke fidgets sometimes, especially when he's nervous, but this is on a different level.

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" she asks, stepping in front of him. He doesn't meet her eyes, his distracted gaze directed everywhere but. She can hear him say, "I need to find it."

"Find what, Shun? I can help you look." She takes his hands, which tense under her gentle grip. Emiri furrows her brow at that. 

"Can't remember... I just need to find it, then I'll..." 

Then he jerks his hands out of hers and looks at her for the first time. His eyes are very wide, so wide she can almost see the whites all around. Then, his expression relaxes. "Emi? Good morning."

"Shun, what happened? What do you need to find?" Emiri asks, surprised at his sudden change of topic. Shunsuke blinks at her, raising an eyebrow in confusion. It's very cute.

"I was only thinking about work, Emi. Nothing you need to worry about," he replies, his tone steady. Nothing is wrong anymore. If anything was really wrong at all. Maybe she's just imagining it. Or making it out to be bigger than it really is.

Emiri looks at him for a long moment, searching his face for any lingering worry. But he really does look confused at what she was talking about. As if he'd forgotten what he was just doing, pacing up and down and fidgeting like mad. So, she just smiles. "Alright. Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could have that picnic today. You know, the one I was talking about earlier this week?"

She talks his ear off as they walk to the kitchen together to get her a cup of coffee. She's so thankful to have a fiancé that listens to her talk about whatever strikes her fancy. 

Shunsuke comes home so late now that Emiri is often in bed by the time he returns.

Sometimes he gives her a gentle kiss when he returns to find her asleep (or trying to be). But often he just collapses into bed, sighing loudly like he has the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. If Emiri is awake, she's usually too tired to try and drag an answer out of him about where he was, or why he sighs like that. 

In the middle of the night, if she wakes up to get water or go to the bathroom, she snuggles up to his side when she goes back to sleep. In the morning, they're back on opposite sides of the bed once more. 

She knows that his job is very important, but she misses him. Surely, surely, after this long stretch things will be back to normal.

Her boss calls for her in the middle of some important research one morning. She tells her that Shunsuke is having some troubles with the new higher ups that he's working for and perhaps it would be best if they took the day off.

Emiri didn't know that Shunsuke was working for anyone new, but she thanks her boss for letting her know and hurries to the area of the office where the cubicles are. 

Shunsuke's cubicle is empty, but looks to have been recently occupied. There are papers strewn everywhere, and the computer still has some medical files open on it. The chair has been moved extremely far back from the desk, as if the occupant was in a hurry to leave and didn't bother to see where he had pushed it. One of Shunsuke's coworkers helpfully tells her that he ran in the direction of the bathrooms. 

She bursts into the mens room and finds him cowering under the sink, quietly sobbing.

"Sweetheart, what's happened?" she exclaims, locking the door and hurrying to his side. "It's okay, Shun, just breathe, sweetie, just breathe."

"I can't," he gasps out. "I can't, I c—"

He's spiraling, probably was before Emiri got here. She bites her lip nervously and lays her hands on his shoulders. "Darling, sweetheart, please, it's alright. We're going home, you can rest."

"Can't go. I have to— I have to find—" There it is again. He's lost something, or he needs to get something, but he won't say what. Shunsuke whimpers as his hands come up to pull at his tangled hair. "They need it, I just have to—" 

"Shun, you need to calm down. Breathe with me." Emiri breathes slowly, loudly so he can follow. It takes a long while, but eventually his hands leave his hair to curl into fists against the cold linoleum floor and his breathing evens. His cheeks are red and sticky and wet, and his glasses are partly fogged and partly covered in tears. 

Emiri takes his hand and squeezes it comfortingly. "We're going home for the day, Shun. It's going to be alright."

"No, no, I can't." Shunsuke, very shakily, attempts to stand. He hits his shoulder against the sink and yelps. "Emi, this is really important, I need to finish this, I have to find this information, I need to do this now." His speech is rapid, so fast Emiri can barely distinguish the words. "I need to speak to Miss Namida, I didn't do yesterday's reports and—"

"But you did do those reports," Emiri says, furrowing her brow. "You told me that you already spoke to a woman named Miss Namida. Yesterday evening. Remember?" 

Shunsuke halted in his rambling. "Eh?" His eyes widened. "I did?"

"Yes? I stayed up to meet you, you explained why you were so tired when I asked."

It's not like Shunsuke to forget things like this. He's got a great memory, and it's one of the few things he takes visible pride in without undermining himself. Emiri's grip tightens on his hand. "Shun, you're not yourself. Are you sure you're resting well? We should ask for a few days off, maybe—"

"Don't!" Shunsuke cuts her off with a sudden urgency in his voice. "Don't do that. I am fine. I'll be back to work in a second. I just didn't have coffee this morning, that's all."

"You never have coffee," Emiri points out. "You drink tea."

Shunsuke doesn't respond to this. He acts like it would be a statement best ignored and brushes past her, unlocking the bathroom door and walking out.

"Shun, wait!" Emiri follows him and and tries to pull him in the direction of the lobby, but he is deceptively strong. "Sweetie, the boss said we should take a day off—"

"Don't touch me!"

Emiri stops. And she stares.

Shunsuke stares back at her. His jaw is clenched, and his eyes are narrowed. He's glaring. At her. Then, he turns around and walks away.

Emiri lets him. She doesn't know how to make him come back.

When she gets home, she lays down in bed for a while. She wonders if she should cry, but then decides that it's silly because all couples have arguments and get angry with each other. She and Shunsuke aren't the first and certainly won't be the last. It's just work-related stress, she tells herself. Nothing to cry dramatically over. 

Shunsuke comes home while she's making his tea. He goes straight to bed.

Emiri follows after him and tries to curl up by his side in bed. He doesn't push her away, but he makes no move to accommodate her body.

"Are you mad at me, Shunsuke?"

Emiri asks this because communication in healthy relationships is very important. If she made him upset, she has to know. She believes she was in the right to try and convince him to go home, but she needs to explain that to him. 

Shunsuke stares at the TV, which is currently playing some idol show on low volume. His shoulders are very tense, though he seems to be trying to mimic Emiri's relaxed posture with little success.

"Shunsuke." 

"Hm?" He looks at her with a blank expression.

"Are you mad at me?"

"For what?"

"For trying to get you to leave work yesterday when you didn't want to."

He looks back at the TV and doesn't answer her, even when she asks again and again. Eventually Emiri just gives up. He's probably tired and she shouldn't pester him with such trivial questions.

Shunsuke only seems to spiral more. He's obsessing over this thing, this information that he has to find, and it seems like it's killing him. 

"I don't know you! Who are you?!"

Emiri stays a good distance from Shunsuke, who is currently backed up against the wall near the door of their apartment. If she gets in his space, she might chase him away. "Shun, it's me, it's Emi. Your fiancé."

"I don't know you, I don't know anyone named Emi, I don't know who you are!" Shunsuke grabs an umbrella from the stand near the door and holds it like he's wielding a knife. It's so absurd it could have been funny if he was playing a joke. But the fear in his eyes and how much he's sweating and shaking is absolutely real.

"Shunsuke—"

"GET OUT!"

Emiri's face falls. She feels lightheaded and her eyes start welling with tears. She presses her tongue to the roof of her mouth to try not to cry for a moment. Then she tries to placate again. "Sweetheart, please—"

"I WILL CALL THE POLICE. I DON'T KNOW YOU."

She hurries quickly to the door, taking only her phone off the couch with her. She doesn't look at Shunsuke. She can barely see anything with how blurry her vision is right now. When the door slams shut behind her, she can hear the lock turn with a sharp click. 

For a while, Emiri feels like she's watching herself from a third person perspective. She ends up staying at a tiny motel near enough that she can walk to her workplace. She tries to call Shunsuke, but the call gets blocked. She tries to text him, and the same thing happens. 

She stares at his contact picture, a photo of him and her at the park. The little image seems to taunt her.

She lays down on her bed and cries very hard for a very long time. 

Work is very sluggish in the next few days. She receives tasks, completes them, checks them with a coworker, and the cycle repeats. She doesn't see Shunsuke when she slips down to the cubicles to try and get a quick glimpse of him. The woman in the lobby said that he showed up to work, so he's either avoiding her or working someplace else that she can't access.

A new man joins her in her research. He's transferring from another medical company called ASU-NARO, which has many branches around the region.

The green haired man is named Sou Hiyori. He's a rather intriguing little man, with a constant wide grin and teal green eyes that rarely blink. He brags often about his accomplishments, but also constantly reiterates that he's so excited to work with Emiri and can't wait to learn new things here. He seems like he wants to be joined at her hip. 

Every time he gives Emiri a compliment in a honeyed tone, she barely represses an exasperated sigh. He's clearly coming onto her despite constant signals that she isn't interested. She's set to be married, for god's sake!

She doesn't think about whether that might be called off.

"I heard that you and your fiancé are having a break?" Sou asks sympathetically during lunch. He's picking through a salad the color of his hair, but not actually eating it.

Emiri ignores him, but she stabs into her own chicken cutlets with more force than usual.

"I met him in the halls today," Sou continues. "He's an odd one. So paranoid and obsessive. I heard him talking to himself and his thoughts are just all over the place! Then he stared at me, his face all pale, and ran off. I couldn't possibly keep up if he was my fiancé. Though I'm assuming he has his redeeming qualities?"

She sourly swallows her food and mutters, "He wasn't always that way."

"Oh yes, I'm sure he was the picture of Prince Charming. He has pleasant facial features to boot!"

Shunsuke is very handsome. He looks the best when he smiles. When he used to smile at her. 

Emiri purses her lips and forces those thoughts back. But Sou's grin widens further than she thought it could go, as if knowing he provoked a mental reaction. "Don't you want him back to his old self, Emi?" 

She slams her hands on the table and glares at the green haired gremlin across from her. "Don't call me Emi."

"Why, because Shun called you that?"

"How the hell do you know all this stuff?! Creep!"

Sou taps a finger to his head. "All just a hunch, Miss Harai. But I can gather from our conversation that you want the old Hayasaka back. And for that, I think I have a solution."

Emiri doesn't want to listen to him. There are high chances it's going to be some unscientific baloney.

"Have you ever heard of the ASU-NARO vow? 'Who I want to be today, tomorrow I will be?'"

"Shut up."

"Come now, Miss Harai. Hear me out." Sou looks almost pitiful. Emiri glances in his direction, her arms crossed and her nose wrinkled. "If you sign the vow, whatever wish you have will come true. ASU-NARO solemnly swears it. I'm sure they'll send your beloved to the best therapy program in the country free of charge if that is what you desire, for example."

"And where, exactly, am I signing?" Emiri asks.

Sou pulls an orange sheet of paper from the inside of his jacket. There's a giant black smear over a huge patch of it. ("Printer is awfully janky at ASU-NARO," Sou explains.) Below that is a line to sign her name. 

"Think over it, Miss Harai. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose, don't you?"

Emiri doesn't understand how dressing up in silly costumes and participating in a game will help fix Shunsuke, but she's gone too far to turn back. 

She has been assigned the role of Sue Miley, the Laughing Doll. Sou insisted that she has such a smiley demeanor. She hasn't been all that cheery to him, though. She might have preferred the role of the Crying Doll, but her new and ever pessimistic colleague Michiru snatched that role first. At least if she had been Tia Safalin, she wouldn't have to put on too much of an act. 

Sou hosts a large lecture to explain this game. A game of life and death, with participants and candidates playing along. Shunsuke has apparently volunteered, as he is listed as a participant, but Emiri is sure he was actually selected because of his connection to her. 

His survival rate is 8.2%. Not normally very high, but he's near enough to the highest 15.5% of Sara Chidouin, so Emiri is able to have hope. He's logical, he knows how to win when he really works for it. With such high stakes, he should be able to best everyone else, shouldn't he?

"What a shame," Sou says, his face wrinkled in disgust. "That body paint is supposed to be waterproof, isn't it?"

Sue Miley knows that she must look like a mess right now. Tears streaking down her painted white face, creating trails the color of her own skin. Her hands are covered in blood that isn't hers. In her arms is a body without its head.

"I'll have to remake it, I suppose," Tia Safalin mutters, probably miffed at the prospect of having to repaint herself white.

"Well of course. You're the Crying Doll, after all. It won't do to have your paint smear like Miss Miley's here, would it?" Sou turns to face the crying woman. "Sue Mileyyy! You're supposed to be the Laughing Doll! All smiles, got that? Dry your tears and repaint yourself before you meet the participants!" 

Sue Miley barely notices him and Safalin leave as she wails uncontrollably and hugs the body against her. It's limp and lifeless, just like the dolls ASU-NARO makes. 

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," she sobs. "No... nooo..."

She was supposed to get married, to have a happy wedding, to buy a little house and have kids and raise them with her husband. She was supposed to save him from his descent into madness. She signed the stupid ASU-NARO form to fix this, to find a way to solve this problem. She was supposed to fix this. 

"NO!" she screams violently, and then she finally falls silent. She's ruined everything by trying to fix it. She played right into ASU-NARO's hands, and they made her and her fiancé a puppet and pulled their strings around for too long. 

But she's stubborn. She has to try one more time. She can't ruin this anymore, can she? There's nowhere to go but up. There must be a way to reverse this, all of ASU-NARO's research must have led to someone trying to reverse death, right?

She has time. Those stupid participants will take a while to complete the Sue Miley doll, anyway.

She drags the body and the head to an operating table and sews them together with clumsy movements and bloodstained hands. She digs up all of the notes she can find on death, dying, the human body, everything. She has to fix this somehow. She needs to recreate her perfect reality, the one she is supposed to have, the one that she's ruined but there is a way to fix it. There is always a way to fix it. As a scientist she knows that experimenting can turn out poorly but there will be a form of success in some way or another, and she just has to find the route to it.

Emiri Harai, with all that's in her, can fix this. She can have the perfect reality that she wants. She just has to work for it, doesn't she?

Who I want to be today, tomorrow I will be.