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Chapter Text

I have never been that driven. 

All my life I have done exactly what was asked of me. I went to school, got good grades, stayed out of trouble, yet enjoyed my youth a little, going to parties, talking to people, making friends, you know the usual. 

But then life got…

Boring. 

I am a psychologist, a clinical one, a kind of good one too. Everyone had so much faith in me in becoming successful, and guess what? I'm just mediocre. Not because I'm not good enough, I know I can do things, but where I am from the opportunities are almost non-existent unless you have generational wealth. 

And so one day I kind of... snapped. 

I got the plane ticket, I packed the bags and went away to an unexpected vacation that would end up as pretty permanent. 

And there I was standing outside of Tokyo's Airport having a panic attack thinking, what have I done? 

This was impulsive, what am I doing? Am I having a manic episode? Psychosis? It can't be, I have a job? Which I despise but still it was something secure? What the fuck am I doing here all alone? My mom must be freaking out, i have to go back i have to go back i have to go back i have to go back i have to go back 

Or do I? 

And so I didn't, everything felt as slow motion, i stayed there for a day, then a week, then two weeks, just living in a run down motel in the middle of the turbulent city, every sound felt so far, my movements lethargic, I was well aware of my  depersonalization, yet I felt so  free.

I did answer my parents' calls, telling them I was okay and that I have been planning this getaway for some time now. They didn't believe me that much but I restricted the communication out of guilt. I didn't want to go back, I was gonna start looking for jobs the next day, something i always dreamed of, like working in a bakery or a café, maybe just maybe I could finally be free, carefree and happy. The real kind of happy, not just happy enough. 

And so, the next day I watched my life crumble and everything I was running from reached me. The one thing I never wanted to happen, the thing I feared the most, the thing I was also prepared for since I was born. 

Chapter Text

"Hello, my name is María, I am new to the city, I have experience in baking from cakes to cookies and different pastries, I am a people's person and have great communication skills, I am actually a Psychologist, but my real passion is baking and making people feel comfortable and happy!" 

I am great at being cheerful, having a smile on my face and being nice to people is something that I can do pretty great, can't say it's hypocritical, not all my smiles are fake and I do like making people happy, but sometimes I wonder how much I do it because I want to or just because I'm trained to. 

The couple in front of me look at my resumé, in that I did lie quite a lot, since I am foreign I don't think they can fact check that so I just went with it during the interview, they look very nice, it would be a great place to work, maybe I can be happy here, secure, feel at home. 

"How soon can you start?", the man called Hiroshi said with a soft smile on his face. 

"As soon as you like", And that's how I got the job. 

I started walking back "home", maybe I could get a small apartment later, my saved up money is getting spent rather quickly even though I have been living on water, instant coffee and soups. 

Then I felt it, the shiver down my spine, the hairs of my neck standing up, and the beating of my heart ringing in my ears. 

I am being followed 

Calm down, you are prepared for this, you are from a place women disappear every day, you have scissors in your purse, take them out rather slow but not too slow, listen to the footsteps, find a store, any store and get it, why the fuck is there no damn store, fuck im lost, how many footsteps are there? Two sets, two people, two men. It's just you and your scissors. 

As I tried to put my hand in my purse I heard footsteps coming quickly and a car pulled up. This is it. 

One of them grabbed me from behind, hugging my waist and the other one opened the van. I had no time to think so I sank my hips down to the floor putting all my body weight while I lifted my arms up and tried to find the man's face with my hands. My father's voice echoed in my head. 

"No matter what you have to do, you don't let them get you in a car, once they do that, it's over, so you do whatever, and I mean whatever you have to do, scratch, bite, kick, scream, but you come home to me." 

I felt the man's hair in one of my hands and the other one found its way to his eyes, and I scratched and pulled with all my strength, i felt the nails on my hand come off, blood down my arms, not only mine, the screams of the man told me I was putting on a fight, as he let go off me a little a broke free and the other man in front of me with the door open revealed my down fall. 

A girl, a child, no more than 12 years old was there, eyes so big I thought they would come out of the socket, bruises on her face and knees, she was so scared, she was already in the van, she wouldn't come home to her dad, so young, and I couldn't look away. Why does this have to happen? She probably hasn't even had her first kiss, she hasn't even had time to dream what she wants to be or wants to do, and I'm just… 

A fuck up. 

And so I made my decision. 

I ran directly to the man in front of the van door and kicked him in the knee, took the girl out of the van, knowingly that the man behind me would grab me, and told the kid to run, and she did. I saw her run away while the doors of the van were closing, I think I could die in peace, I did something good. I do hope my dad can forgive me, i did exactly what he told me not to do, but I wanted to at least once in my life do something good, be the hero, live that fantasy, even if it costs me everything, I think I can live through that kid, she has time to do what i couldn't, so I guess this is goodbye. 

Chapter Text

It was a bright day with clear sky in Yokohama, a lazy day in the office. Well, everyday was a lazy day for the man looking outside the window, making shapes out of the few clouds in the sky. 

The brown hair man looked for sense and purpose in those clouds, finding only dread and annoyance because of their lack of answers. 

"Is everything alright Dazai-san?", asked the young white haired man called Atsushi, with a hint of worry, fully aware of the suicidal tendencies of the man he was talking to. 

A sudden cheerful smile appeared on Dazai's face, the change was so fast it looked almost instinctive, one could say natural, some would dare to believe it was honest, truth is, he was just that good at lying and acting. 

"Of course everything is alright, it's a beautiful day, don't you think?" And so he diverted the attention onto Atsushi, who began rambling about the weather and how peaceful the day really is, since there was not a lot of work. 

Dazai sometimes felt kind of guilty, avoiding his subordinate's worry in such an easy way, but then, if it was so easy then it couldn't be that wrong right? 

He knew the peace would come to an end soon, he had been noticing certain vans around the city coming from Tokyo every month, every Thursday, going to the outskirts of town. He has also noticed the increase of missing young girls around Japan, he has noticed all that, but a direct order hasn't been given, should he say something? It all started as a little game of playing detective, even though that's his real job, he made nothing out if it, he works for the Armed Detective Agency, this should be work for the Police force, so he said nothing, but it has already been 5 months since this happenings, 'when is enough, enough?' Maybe I should just tell the President about it so he can inform the Police.', he thought as he continued looking outside the window and ignoring his pile of many unfinished reports, blending in with the screams of his coworker with strict ideals, he just faded in the background, feeling calm, but nothing more aside of that. And that's a good day for him.

Chapter Text

Stupid stupid stupid stupid girl. 

How could you do that? I am the most idiotic person to ever exist. 

It's been 5 days since I was taken, honestly I don't remember much about anything that has happened since I was pulled into the van. I guess it's the state of shock that has induced memory loss or an inability to process my surroundings and situation. 

So I take this momento of consciousness to make myself aware. The room is cold, I'm sitting in the back of the space, I feel the wall against my back, the only clothes I have on are my underwear, and to my surprise, I am not tied up, not by the hands or the ankles, which is weird. The other weird thing is, I am blindfolded. Just a simple cloth wrapped around my head covering my eyes. I can feel the soft texture with the tip of my fingers, as I was thinking of pulling it down something in the back of my brain screamed, DON'T DO IT . 

I don't know if that voice was mine or another's but I stopped, put my hands down touching the floor. 

I heard someone whimper, softly, so quiet that even my breathing sounded louder, it was a somber cry, echoing the cold room. 

"Is somebody else here?" I asked as I exhaled, a whisper also so low I barely heard it myself. I didn't notice that I was trembling, was it the cold or the fear of this dark cold room, who knows It doesn't really matter. 

"We are 5 in total, counting you" I heard a voice call between sobs, a childlike voice, those that are so squeaky that sound like they are faked. Are these all children? 

"How old are you all?" 

"I'm 13, the others 15, 17 and 19, we don't know about you since you haven't been responding, we thought you were dead" 

I might as well be. 

"Well I'm not dead, I was just, um, away, so can anyone tell me the situation?" I asked very carefully, we don't know if anyone else is in the room, or if they are listening, and I am getting anxious, I am the older one here. I guess they mistook me for being younger, I have always looked pretty young, hell I shouldn't be here, I should be home with my parents, my cats, doing the office job that I hate. 

But then again, none of these kids should be here either. 

"Nothing has happened, we haven't been fed, only yesterday they brought us water but left it by the door, they didn't come in, I heard two men outside the door and that's all we know." Another voice came in, lees squeaky, must be the 19 year old. 

"Just dont take off your blindfold, they say that they'll kill us if we do", Yet another voice called out of the dark. 

"What are your names?"  I asked.

"So-yeon" 

"Saki"

"Megumi" 

"Arisu, and you?"  

"Well, pleased to meet you girls, I am who will get us out somehow, so i ask you to indulge me and my weird ideas, because we are going to live and that's final" 

I refuse to be a number, I have years of repressed anger and rage, I will get these kids out even if I have to burn this whole city to the ground, with me in it. 

Chapter Text

The same office, the same window, and the same brown haired man looking out of it. 

' It's been six months now ' he thought to himself, see, he made a little pact with himself, if the police hasn't acted up by the sixth month, he would say something to the President and give the information he had discovered on a mere whim, and then it would be out of his hair, no more game, and then he would be a 'good guy' as he should, ' not that I am completely heartless, I know they are alive, it's for shipping and selling, so they should be in an okay condition ', he thought as if he was excusing himself for not caring enough, and it indeed was an excuse, one he wholeheartedly believed. He's not a monster, but he aint entirely human either, for now at least. 

"President, I have something to say" he screamed in a loud happy voice for the whole Agency to hear. As he watched the President come out of his office, his coworkers turned to face him. He's gotta admit that he enjoys the feeling of control. 

"There's been a series of kidnappings going around in Tokyo, young girls for trafficking I assume, they are being brought up to this city in black and white vans and stored, probably by the pier, this has been going on for approximately 6 months". He could feel the air shift in the office, the President's face fell as if whole existence was a disgrace. 

"When did you find out and why did you wait this much to say something?" The president asked in a low, and kind of menacing voice. 

"I wasn't sure until now", ' that's a lie ' he thought to himself, he could almost feel the back of his head burning from the intense gaze his coworker named Rampo was giving him, he probably knows our cloud gazing protagonist is lying. 

"Well, deal with it, even if it's not special ability related, it's our responsibility, to keep the city safe. So call the police chief and get this sorted out", said the President without looking at Dazai. 

"Oh and one thing, Dazai, you are doing this alone, ask Kunikida for help only when you are retrieving the victims, and I expect they will all be alive, am I clear?" And that's how he knew the President was pissed  and he had made a mistake in judgment, the moral judgment of the situation at least. 

' Well, I'm fucked, I hate the Police ' 

Chapter Text

We spent the night talking, I tried to raise my voice, higher than a whisper, to see if the two men outside would come in, but they didn't, it seems like they just wanted to keep us there and that was it. 

"We are being sold", I told the girls out loud. I heard one start to cry. 

"It's a good thing you know, well, not a good good thing, but it means they won't hurt us or, um, touch us inappropriately, that would lower our prices." My voice came out as condescending more than comforting. I hate this situation, I hate feeling responsible for these kids, but that's how I have always been, ain't no coincidence that I chose a working field that meant taking care of people in some way. 

"A good thing would be going home" I heard another voice, Arisu, the oldest, said.  she sounded angry and I dont blame her, I had to go and open my mouth and say I would get them out, how the fuck am I gonna do that? 

But I have a plan, and I'm about to do the first thing in my plan. I'm gonna take the blindfold off, just a bit, just so I can see our surroundings and see where the damn door is. I doubt I will get killed, we have been here for a while, which means, we are probably already sold. Maybe I will get beat up, high risk high reward. 

Slowly, I lifted my hand up to my face, my hands felt so cold, my fingers were rough and freezing, and so I lifted one side of the blindfold. The room was dark, there were no windows, it was like a shipping container, I don't know what time it was. 

We were evenly distributed, two girls on the wall on the left, two on the right and I was at the bottom of the room and right in front is the door. A slim gray, metallic door with no additional locks. Is this a fucking joke? 

And I heard the door open. 

A man came holding two plastic bags. 

And I saw him right in the eye. He looked straight at me. 

I then placed my blindfold on and started praying. It has been years since I did that, I am not much of a believer, as you can see, God hasn't been there for me that much. 

"Ave Maria, Santa Madre de Dios, ruega por nosotros en la hora de nuestros sufrimiento", I whispered, like a song, almost like a lullaby, I was singing to myself, hearing my mothers voice in mine, I miss my mom. 

"Amen", a male voice whispered in front of me and left two things on the floor, one sounded like a plate, and the other I couldn't quite hear. If i was hydrated I think i would've pissed myself. I only bite my lip so hard that I could feel the blood dripping down my chin. 

It was not a compassionate "amen", it was a threatening one. 

But that told me two things: 

• One, they can't hurt us, that much at least.
• Two, it was day time. 

Now I just need a way to get these girls out and return to work with that nice couple at the bakery. 

Chapter Text

"I hate working with cops", the tall, scrawny man said as he watched a group of policemen raid one container and bring out 5 girls out of it. 

He had already rescued 20 of them, and not even needing Kunikida's help, which kind of pissed him off because that means the Police was perfectly capable to do this job, but weren't smart enough to have gotten these girls sooner, hell, to have prevented this from happening. So he just looked from afar while giving orders. 

"This reminds me of times I wish I could forget", he whispered. 

"What was that?", a female officer was suddenly standing aside from him, he put on his usual grin and faced her. 

"Ah, I was just wondering if you would want to commit double suicide with me? You already got the pretty face and the gun for it", he said casually as if it was a diner order, the police officer looked at him with a look of curiosity and disgust. 

"That's an awful thing to say", she responded with a grim face. 

"Is that so?" Said Dazai, who had no longer intentions to continue the casual conversation, so he went down to business. 

"What information have you gathered from the girls and the men who were guarding the doors?" He asked firmly, he seriously was having no fun with this job and wanted it done so he could annoy Kunikida. 

"Well, it's trafficking as you said, they were already sold, the girls are being held so they could be turned to the buyers, but for some reason, there was some kind of delay, also, the girls are all young most of them minors, which explains why they wouldn't run away, they even didnt take off the blindfolds even though they weren't physically restricted", informed the police woman. 

A delay? Could it be the port mafia? , he thought. 

"Fear would do that to you", the man said looking at the sky, while thinking. 

"So how many containers are left?", he continued. 

"Only one" 

"Well, let's get this one" 

Chapter Text

We have been fed and given water. The plates were plastic ones. No fork no spoon, kind of the smart thing to do. 

I took my blindfold. I have been without it for a while, the other girls kept it on, I didn't tell them what happened, they heard me praying but thought it was just the fear of hearing someone enter the room, I kept to myself that I have broken the one rule and got away with it. 

I have decided we will go tomorrow. 

I broke the plate with my hands, making as little noise as possible. The edge wasnt that sharp, but sharp enough to draw blood if used with enough force. 

I knew I would have to be left behind, I knew it since the day I told them I would get them out. The plan is simple: I will distract the men, and they will run. Arisu, the oldest, will have to guide them once they are out, and hopefully, they will come back for me with the police. There is a possibility that they will only find a corpse that used to be me, but at least my family has something to say goodbye to. 

It's fine, this is the right thing to do, you have to get them out, it's on you, I kept thinking to myself, but my whole body is trembling, I am older than them, but I'm still young, fuck when did I got so messed up. 

I walked up to Arisu and sat next to her, she jumped and started shaking. 

"It's me, don't freak out" I said, "Don't talk and just listen, yesterday, I took my blindfold for a while, just before the man entered, he saw me without the blindfold, and I am alive, they are just two men, I saw the other's shadow, I saw light, we can get out, so this is how it's going to go, i am sorry but I'm gonna put pressure on you since you are the oldest. Tomorrow, I will sing, while I do that, you are gonna take your blindfold and gather the girls, and stay close to the door, pressed against the wall. When I'm done singing I'm gonna scream, we will all scream, they will open the door and enter, and you will leave with the girls, you are going to run, but don't leave none of them behind, I will be right behind you, understood?" 

Arisu just started to sob silently, and so I did. 

Chapter Text

"Yes President, there's only one container left, its location is different from the last ones, it's not in the pier, but worry not cause I have already founded it, but I have to request Kunikida-kun, I can no longer use the police force", Dazai said through the phone. 

"Why? They got annoyed with me, they are so mean! That's why I don't like working with them, no respect for our craft I tell you", he whined on the phone to the President. 

Truth is, I am the one annoyed at them, he thought. 

And so his blond coworker came to the location that was shared with him. On the outskirts of town, almost reaching the slums, there was a container sitting alone in a desolate area. 

"That's weird", said Kunikida who, didn't want to come, well he did, because  children being kidnapped, but he couldn't stand Dazai's ways of working sometimes, and seeing that container, being different from others, just made him wonder if Dazai is keeping things from him.

And Dazai was, indeed, keeping things from Kunikida. He didn't know exactly what was going on inside that particular container, but he knew something was... off. 

It was the first container that he had found actually, but since it was different from the rest he decided he had to get his hands dirty with this one, and naturally drag Kunikida with him. So they were on top of a hill looking down at the sad gray container. And that's when he knew something was off. 

There were no men on the door. 

Why were there no men guarding this one? Am I late? Have they already been given? It can't be, I don't make mistakes, the Demon Prodigy doesn't make mistakes, he started rambling while thinking. Kunikida just watched him with furrowed eyebrows while his stupid but genius partner got a hold of his last strand of sanity. 

Then they heard screaming.

Four girls crying and screaming were running to their direction, they didn't seem to notice them, they didn't seem hurt, all four in their undergarments were just screaming for help, and so help they got. 

"Kunikida-kun, you help those four girls, call Yosano, and when you are done making sure they are alright, you come help me inside that container", Dazai said in a calm voice. 

"The girls are out, what do you mean?" Asked the man with strong ideals. 

"There's always five, one is still in that container, and the two guards are nowhere to be seen, so my guess is, they are in there too, I'll go to the container you get the girls and call Yosano, we are gonna need her", Dazai said as he sprinted to the last shipping container. 

While running a faint smile placed on his face, he knew Kunikida was better at hand to hand combat, he should be the one running to the container, not him,  but you see, Dazai is a little selfish, he wanted to be the first one to see what was inside of it, and he was having fun.

Chapter Text

Dazai opened the door with a hard swing, revealing a frightening sight. 

Blood. Blood. Dripping blood. 

There she was, the last one of the missing girls, covered in bruises and blood, her own blood and the blood of the two men laying on the ground swimming in puddles of red. 

His were fixed on the corpses, their faces were scratched, one was missing an eye, the other one had a large cut on his neck. He then saw the feet of the girl, drenched in red, he could see a large bruise forming, painting her ankle purple. 'Must be broken or fractured', he thought, and kept looking up, her body didn't look much better than the two dead men. 

And then he saw her eyes, big darkened eyes, they were bloodshot, kind of lost, if she wasn't covered in blood he would have even thought they looked innocent, deer in headlights kind of big. 

The air feels tense, none of them has spoken a word. 

There she stood in the middle of the room, holding what looked like a piece of glass just looking at him. 

There he was standing by the door just looking at her. 

'I should say something', he thought while reaching into his pocket to get his ID, suddenly he was shoved to the ground, knocking the air out of his lungs. Looking up the girl was on top of him holding the piece of glass, now noticing its just plastic. 

"Dont fuck with me pretty boy, where are the girls? Where did you take them?" She said in a low shaky voice. 

Dazai couldn't help but grin, which in this scenario looked pretty bad, he could feel the piece of sharp plastic digging through the skin of his neck. This was indeed getting interesting. 

"You have pretty eyes" the man said while keeping a goofy grin on his face, this did not lighten up the situation as the girl just kept quiet, he noticed the piece of plastic by his neck start to shake. 

"I came here to help you, I am with the Armed Detective Agency, I'm one of the good guys", he continued, waiting for her to finally comply and get the job done. 

"You don't look like a good guy" was all she said, never taking her eyes off him. 

"If you ask me you look like Lucifer, very cute, very charming, and those are the worst ones, they trick you, and I know you don't even believe  that you are the good guy" she continued taking long and shallow breaths, she was a psychologist after all, she knows when people lie, easier when they don't even believe their own lies. 

Dazai let out a loud laugh, closing his eyes and throwing his head back like a kid. 

"Fine, I am with the Armed Detective Agency, I'm here because it's my job and I have to get you back alive or my boss is gonna be pissed at me, so be a good girl and let me get you to safety so I can rest and have a drink afterwards" he said giggling. 

"Fair enough" she responded, and then she collapsed right there on top of him, she was exhausted, even Dazai questioned where was she getting this energy from, she was pretty beat up, adrenaline I guess, was all he could think while he put on her his coat and carried her to where Kunikida and hopefully Yosano were. 

' This is weird, there's still not an explanation for this to be the only container that was separate from the others? Was it for a different buyer? I mean there were two foreigners, still doesn't add up ' Dazai kept rambling while walking until he saw an ambulance and his two coworkers. 

"Dazai, what the fuck happened with that girl?" Asked Kunikida while looking at the delicate state of the young woman.

"Well, she killed the two guards so we have two options, call the Police or call the President" Dazai said in a nonchalant voice while laying the girl down in the stretcher as their other coworker, the doctor, looked at the girl's body. 

"So, you are saying that we either take her to the police and she will have to go to trial for manslaughter, or we take her to the agency," said Yosano in a low voice. 

"Precisely♪︎" sang Dazai looking at the night sky, "I already know my decision, but I want to know what you both think" he added. 

"We'll take her to the agency" Kunikida chimed in, he had a serious face and his tone was strong, and that was all Dazai needed, people in the Agency trusted Dazai, but this girl killed, in self defense, and still was well aware of what she was doing, it's not the same with Atsushi that wasn't conscious of his ability, he needed these two to agree with him. 

"Perfect, Kunikida-kun, give me your cell phone" the blond man gave Dazai his phone and watched as he took pictures of the injuries the girl had in her body. 

"Two broken fingers on her left hand, and three on her right hand, the nails have been scratched off, a blunt trauma to the head, a fractured left ankle, bruises on her arms and legs, the girl put up a fight alright" said Yosano as she helped inspect the girl. 

"Her breathing is shallow so probably some broken ribs, I need to treat her right away" she continued. 

"I know, that's why I am taking pictures, if we have to make a case to help her we need evidence it was self defense, your ability is gonna erase every injury so I'm keeping the evidence in Kunikida's phone" said Dazi while taking a selfie. 

"Why didn't you use your own phone for that, Dazai?" Asked Kunikida. 

"Having pictures of a beaten up girl in her underwear in my phone? That's pretty incriminating you know?" Answered Dazai with a look of disgust in his face, he loved putting Kunikida in uncomfortable situations. 

"That's true, that's sick Kunikida" Yosano played along, who didn't like Dazai's antics but enjoyed seeing his coworker snap from time to time. 

Kunikida just stood there with a face of pure shock and disbelief at his two coworkers and asked himself what has he done to deserve this life.

Chapter Text

The young woman was identified and her parents were on their way to accompany her. She has been sleeping since the incident, it has been 2 days, Yosano fixed her up but she didn't wake up. 

"It's probably from the stress, you shouldn't worry she will wake up soon" Yosano told the two troubled looking parents. 

The young woman was in the Armed Detective Agency resting in their infirmary, the President got her to stay with them until everything was cleared. 

"What about that strand of hair? Why is it like that?" The mother asked the Doctor, a strand of hair on her daughter's hair has been colored white, in the front part of her hair above her left eye. 

"It is also the stress, probably, Marie Antoinette Syndrome. It's sometimes called, when a person goes through an extreme amount of stress, their hair can lose pigmentation as the cells die" said the detective in the sand colored trench coat. 

"Nevertheless, she should be fine." he added. 

"We are thankful that you saved our daughter, but what will happen now?, asked the father in a tense tone. 

"Well, first, your daughter saved herself and she saved the other four, plus another one! Really something she is, turns out she could have gotten away and not get kidnapped, but she chose to save a 12 year old and sacrifice herself, you should be proud!" Said Dazai in an over-optimistic voice that was not well received by anyone in the room. 

"She killed two men, it was self defense, and our President has worked something up with the authorities, since she saved 5 people and every single one of them testified with the cops in her favor, I don't think you are gonna like that much the deal we got, but I think it's beneficial for her" said Kunikida who just entered the room. 

"She will stay in Japan for at least 2 years, doing community service, she will be under probation until deemed not dangerous for her or others", another voice entered the room, the President greeted the parents and informed them about the deal he could come up with. 

"And where is she going to stay? She got kidnapped once, that coud happen again, she needs to come home, where is she even going to work?" The mother asked, her voice breaking. 

"She'll work here and that's gonna count for the community service, we are also going to take full responsibility for her, meaning we are going to give her a place to live, and her work will be paid, she's a psychologist right? Send us the documentation that proves her studies and certifications, we are a Detective Agency, honestly we should have hired a mental health professional a long time ago", Dazai chimed in while looking outside the window of the infirmary with a careless smile on his face. 

"You think this is funny?" The father asked, getting kind of angry. 

"Not at all, but honestly it's kind of a bargain deal, killing two people and getting away with it by getting a secure job, and an apartment? I wish that was me honestly" responded the man not even looking at the parents, he knew he was really pushing it. 

"Look, we want to help your daughter, that's why we brought her here and not the hospital or the authorities, we took that responsibility ourselves because I don't think this woman deserves to go to jail for defending herself, and she will be fine here, this a place where people start new, it'll be good for her", he added, since he didn't want to get beat up by the father, he has enough with Kunikida, and he kind of believe what he was saying. I mean who was he to judge, her body count against his? He had no moral high ground to judge. 

"You can come visit her anytime, just inform us so we can clear schedules, you are welcomed here anytime" said the President, reassuring the parents. 

"Please excuse my coworker, he is a little bit eccentric, but we all mean well, this Agency's job is to help people, so let us help" said Kunikida, trying to patch up his partner's mess as always. 

"Fine, but if something happens to her I'll kill you all myself" said the father like a promise. 

"Well, she is her father's daughter alright, I see it runs in the family~" said Dazai while leaving the room knowing it struck a nerve. 

Chapter Text

It has been 12 days since the young woman was lying asleep in the Agency's infirmary, when her parents weren't there, some of the members of the Agency went and checked up on her, Atsushi decided to read to her, he saw some article in the internet saying it helps, he started with classic kid stories from the Grimm brothers, since he didn't know what should he be reading to her, and honestly he enjoyed reading the stories he never got the chance to at the orphanage. 

Dazai never went in, he lazed around the Agency as always, avoiding his work, annoyed Kunikida, but never once did he even peeked through the infirmary door. It was as if he was ignoring the fact there was a young woman kind of comatose in the building, as if nothing happened. 

"Why would I go there? I'm just gonna get bored. I mean she is pretty and nice to look at but that's about it" he said with his eyes closed as he was laying on the office couch, answering Atsushi's question. 

Atsushi couldn't really understand Dazai, he admired him because he was smart and could always solve cases, plus, he saved him, but if he didn't care about the woman sleeping in the infirmary, why did he save her too? 

Without really an answer he just ignored it and kept looking for books to read to the girl lost in her dreams. 

He tried to help as much as he could, he would bring lunch to the parents, try to talk to them despite the language barrier, and bring them tea or coffee. 

'It must be nice' , he thought to himself as he looked at the parents sitting on their daughter's side. He never had that, and a part of him was kind of envious, 'why would she have left that life? She has a family that cares for her and yet she threw it away-' 

"Atsushi-kun" a voice snapped him out of his train of thought. 

"You were making a strange face." said Dazai as he tilted his head to the side. 

"Was I now? Haha I'm just kind of tired" a sudden rush of guilt invaded Atsushi's chest.  

"Mmm is that so... is okay to feel envious you know, I bet you were thinking, 'oh how could she do that, how could she run away', you don't have to understand her, we all have our motives, but we need to respect each other's decisions" he told the young white haired man, while leaning on his shoulder casually. 

"I know! How about when she wakes up you ask her? Maybe you could understand her better if she explains her reasons to you, then maybe you won't have to accept them, but you can respect them more." He added while smiling softly at him. 

Atsushi was then reminded again of why he admires Dazai and why he sees him as his mentor. It was almost scary how he knew what Atsushi was really thinking, but also kind of cool. 

The next day there was a book on Atsushi's desk. "On the road by Jack Kerouac" 

"I heard from her parents that she liked that novel, you should read it to her next" said Dazai while looking at the clouds through the window as usual. 

Atsushi took the book and left with a smile on his face and went directly to the sleeping girl in the infirmary. Truth is, Dazai didn't hear from her parents that she liked that novel, it was him who liked it. And coincidentally, she happened to like it too and has a copy of it in her bookcase back at home. 

Chapter Text

It was day 15 when she woke up.

She suddenly opened her eyes and found herself looking at a white ceiling, birds chirping in the background. She let out a loud breath she didn't even know was holding in. She looked at the IV on her hand, 'well at least i'm not dead', she thought.

"Morning sleeping beauty" a voice echoed in the room.

A man in a sand colored trench coat with a goofy smile was standing in the door frame, just locking eyes with the young woman while she just looked back with a confused expression on her face.

"Oooh, pretty boy Lucifer, do you happen to know where I am?" She said in a husky voice, realizing she was kind of thirsty so she started to look around to see if there was a glass of water somewhere.

"I do actually, you are in the Armed Detective Agency, and my name it's not Lucifer, it's Dazai Osamu", he said as he handed her a water bottle.

She took it and drank it in one go. Then she looked at him again. Dark brown wavy hair, kinda long, but not that long, shaggy hairstyle, brown eyes on a boyish face, tall but kind of scrawny to be a detective, she couldn't deny he was handsome, in a devilish kind of way.

'He probably gets away with a lot of things with those looks' she thought.

"I think Lucifer suits you better, has more of a kick, don't you think?" She responded after taking a deep breath as if she had forgotten how to breathe.

"Maybe I could get it changed, I don't have a lot going on today" he played along, enjoying the company and getting to know the girl who threatened to pierce his neck with a piece of plastic. He laughed unconsciously.

"What's so funny?" She asked confused while laying back down on the bed, 'It's pretty comfortable ' she thought while trying to figure out the man in front of her.

"Nothing, I was just thinking how different you look without being covered in blood half naked and holding a piece of plastic to my throat" he said, emphasizing the word plastic, now everything seemed kind of bizarre, but that was his line of work.

She looked embarrassed, she hasn't forgotten about what happened it just kind of slipped her mind that it just happened, it felt like it was a distant dream, like when you remembered parts of your childhood and your memories seem distorted and you question yourself if it was a real childhood memory or if you dreamt it or made it up.

"Well, that was all I had in hand! Next time I'll do better, get a pair of scissors or even a small knife, how does that sound?" She tried to cover her embarrassment by joking around, she also pulled the sheets up as if she was cold, making Dazai laugh.

"Oh that sounds lovely! You know what sounds even better?" He started to get closer to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and leaning into her till he was close to her ear, she just stayed there, unmoving, perfectly still, she felt neither fear nor panic, she felt weirdly calm.

"If you would commit a double suicide with me? What do you say pretty eyes?" He whispered in her ear slowly, then he sat back up to see her expression, and he was surprised to see her thinking, she looked like she was in really deep thought

'Is she actually considering it?' He thought to himself.

"I kind of want to say yes, but if I'm alive it probably means my parents know where I am and that I am alive after thinking that I was dead or something" she said in a low tone almost like a whisper while she sat up, and proceed to look at her hands holding the sheets, "and I don't really wanna make my mom sad, again, at least for now" she added now looking at him.

"Maybe later" she ultimately responded to his proposal with a soft smile.

He just looked at her kind of disappointed and also kind of intrigued, 'she is absolutely being honest' he thought.

"It's a promise then, if you ever feel like dying just tell me, and we'll depart this absolute horror show that is life!" Dazai said dramatically, holding one hand to his forehead and leaning back a little, he then stood up and faced the window by her bed.

"Don't you wanna know what happened with the girls?" He asked without looking at her.

"Of course, I just figured you would tell me eventually, and I just woke up so a little chit chat is nice" she answered, turning to face him. He looked at her once and turned to the window again.

"Well, they were rescued, not only those four and you, a whole lot more! It was a full operation done by yours truly~" he sang the last word and turned to see her reaction, she was looking at him with a troubled expression, no one wants to hear there were a lot more girls being held hostage.

"Everyone is safe, reunited with their family, very sappy, even you! But you have been asleep for a while, 15 days to be exact" he informed the young woman and looked at her again to see her reaction.

She just locked eyes with him and held her gaze.

"That's a long ass nap" was all she responded with an unreadable expression on her face.

"It is." he said.

There was a long silence between them, she, once again, laid down and pulled the sheets so they were covering half her face, only leaving her eyes out and staring at the ceiling. Dazai turned to the window and kept looking straight ahead. The air felt kind of tense but in an awkward way, not necessarily hostile.

"So, when can I go home?", the girl in the bed asked, still looking up at the ceiling.

"You can't go home for a while, I'm sorry", Dazai said in a soft voice, thinking a cloud looked like a cat.

"Are you?" She said.

Was he? He hadn't thought about that, he said the thing people usually say.

"Not really, it's just what people say when they tell a person something they don't wanna hear, I guess" he answered truthfully, they kept avoiding each other's gaze.

"You don't have to say things you don't mean to me, I'm a big girl, I can handle it" she chuckled sadly. "So what's my sentence chief?" She asked in a sad tone.

He turned around so quickly the woman in bed faced him because she thought his head had snapped. And there he was now at the side of her bed again taking her hands out of the covers to hold them both in his.

"Two years probation and community service! Which I may add, you will be doing in the Agency! We haven't really specified what role you will be playing here but you are a psychologist you should be useful somehow, oh, we are also gonna provide you with an apartment, and you will be paid don't worry!" He almost screamed at her face with a crazy grin plastered on his lips.

'How did he changed expresions and tone so fast, its almost natural, what the fuck is wrong with this guy' she thought to herself, she was beyond frightening of everything, of him, the situation, she was playing nice because that's the best way to go when you dont know what the fuck is going on, but she… just wanted to cry.

"Oh…is that's so…um well thanks I guess" was all she could say.

He let go of her hands, he noticed she was scared and confused but it was kind of amusing to see her reactions, she was being surprisingly clam, 'probably from shock' he thought, he still was entertained tho, that's why he came early to the office, before all his coworkers, and also planned for her parents to be out doing some political errands at the embassy.

He wanted to be the first one to talk to her when she woke up, he wanted to be the first person she would see. He had this need to be entertained, to fill the void of boredom that gripps his soul, he needs to find some kind of meaning, and if he can't, he will at least have a good time.

"Well, I'll let you rest, your parents will be here soon, you'll also get to know everyone in the Agency, if you need anything just give me a shout", he said as he got up quickly and went through the door. As soon as he closed it he heard a soft sob, he heard her start to cry silently, and she kept crying for a while.

Chapter Text

The parents came by hours later, they were the first ones to go in, the rest of the Agency respected it and gave them some space, they even went downstairs to the Uzumaki Café so they could have complete privacy, also so the now woken girl could take a shower and change before meeting everyone.

"What do you think they are talking about, it's been 3 hours since we left them alone" a young brownish orange haired boy named Tanizaki asked his sister.

"I don't know but I guess they have a lot of talking and catching up to do" responded his sister, Naomi.

"Dazai-san, what is she like? You got to talk to her before anyone, and I only read to her without any feedback, she looked like a nice person while she was asleep" Atsushi asked his mentor, who was sipping his black tea.

"Well, she's pretty clever I would say, we had a fun conversation! She even agreed to give me a call if she felt suicidal!" Said the eccentric man while squealing like a high school girl.

Suddenly his head was pushed down to the table with force making Dazai's drink spill all over the table.

"You. Did. What." A menacing voice came from the table behind Atsushi's, Kunikida was the one holding Dazai's head to the table, a vein was popping  on Kunikida's forehead.

"Did you asked a vulnerable young woman, that had just woken up from a coma, to commit suicide with you?" Screamed Kunikida while banging Dazai's head on the table. The only one that looked shocked was Atsushi, not because of Dazai's questionable actions, but because of the force Kunikida was slamming his partner's head on the table.

"Hi" a new voice sounded inside the café.

There she was standing at the door frame in a simple black long dress, her hair was kind of messy but in a natural way, she had a soft smile on her face,she didn't look nervous but in a room full of detectives it was obvious to them she was breathing faster than normal.

"My parents went back to the hotel they are staying at, they will be gone tomorrow morning, I have already said my goodbyes. So I thought I should come here and say my hellos" she spoke in a soft yet monotone voice, as if this was a script she had just written, and she continued before anyone could respond.

"Hi, my name is Maru, no matter what you have read on paper please call me that, I figured if I'm gonna be in a new place with a new start I should get a new name that feels right. I am sorry for the trouble I have caused to everyone individually and the Agency as a corporate, and I am thankful for the lengths you all went to help me, I will try my best to be of help while working with you to repay any damage I have done directly or indirectly" she said without a pause, taking a deep breath as she finished her long speech.

"Are you finally done?" A muffled voice was the one to break the silence, Kunikida hadn't let go of his grip on Dazai's face, still holding it down on the table.

"Don't be fucking rude", the blonde said as he slammed his coworker's head once more in the table.

"I'm so sorry miss, he didn't mean it in a rude way! And sorry for you to see this, but it's kind of normal so don't worry about it!" Atsushi tried to reassure her as he walked to her. She finally entered the café and stood by the stools, without sitting on them, just so she could face the three tables filled with the Agency's members.

She looked at Dazai who now had a bleeding nose, he turned his head to look at her despite having his head pressed down, he had that crazy grin of his again across his face. She just raised an eyebrow acknowledging him looking at her. She then turned to Atsushi and walked a little bit so she was right in front of him.

"Thank you for reading to me, I noticed the books beside the bed, I kind of recognize your voice a little, I'm sorry if that sounds creepy", she said laughing at the last part, she then placed her hand on his cheek softly.

"But I'm really thankful, that was a very nice gesture you didn't have to do" she added while giving him a smile, she then noticed the young man's cheek turning red and feeling his face hot. She rapidly took her hand off his face and backed up a little.

"Shit. Sorry, I keep forgetting people aren't this touchy here, I didn't mean to be weird", she said in a nervous tone.

"Oh, uh… don't worry about it! I was just surprised, that's all! And don't worry about it I just wanted to help in any way I could, my name it's Nakajima Atsushi by the way!" Atsushi responded while nervously laughing, he wasn't indeed used to having people around and be kind to him, let alone a pretty woman holding his cheek.

"You are very kind Atsushi-kun, well I guess I'll try my best to keep the physical affection at bay because of cultural reasons, feel free to tell me if you feel uncomfortable!" Maru told the rest of the people.

"You can be affectionate with me any time! I won't mind it really appropriate or inappropriate~" Dazai's voice resonated in the awkward silence that was going on. An annoyed look appeared on Maru's face despite keeping her soft smile, which made the look on her face kind of scary.

"Excuse me, the man with glasses and blonde hair, what's your name?" She asked him, in a now forced soft voice.

"Kunikida Doppo, miss, a pleasure to meet you, hope we can work peacefully and ideally" he responded.

"Oh I'm sure we will, now can you do me a favor and slam Dazai's face one more time against the table, thank you", she asked sweetly as if she hadn't ask her now coworker to commit an act of violence.

Every person at the café couldn't help but smile, even though Kunikida actually complied and slammed Dazai's face once again against the table very hard.

"See, I told you Yosano, she was gonna fit right in the Agency with no problem", a detective with a hat named Rampo told his coworker beside him. The doctor couldn't help but smile while nodding.

Chapter Text

Maru was then introduced to everyone but a boy named Kenji, who apparently had gone to bed. She made small talk with everyone except Dazai, they made eye contact from time to time but did not talk for the rest of the evening.

She found herself terrified of the President, the presence the man had made her feel queasy because of how strong he looked but also…

'Ain't no way my boss is this hot, suddenly every Lana del Rey song makes sense' this was obviously in the privacy of her own head.

She also thanked profoundly the woman named Yosano, who she learned had the ability to cure any and all wounds, with a weird rule that you had to be at the verge of dying first, but she saved her life nevertheless. She was also very hot, which she also appreciated.

'Everyone is really good looking at what is going on, how the hell am I gonna fit in here'  she thought.

"Maru, I think it's time that you rest and prepare for your official day tomorrow at the Agency, someone will walk you to your apartment and also pick you up tomorrow to talk you to the Agency" the President said to Maru while giving her a key.

"Oh, and do us all a favor and don't try to run, we founded you once, we can do it again", The president said in a serious tone.

"I'll take her to her apartment♪︎" Dazai screamed across the room with excitement, only to be kicked in the back by Kunikida.

"The hell you are, Atsushi, take her to the apartment its in the same apartment complex as you, only a floor up, room 9" responded the blond man, still standing on top of Dazai as it was perfectly normal.

The walk to her new home was kind of awkward, she could notice Atsushi's nervous and shy nature, he had told her he was only 18 years old and an orphan, way too young to have a job that puts him at risk everyday.

'He can turn into a tiger tho'

"So Atsushi-kun, do you like working at the Agency?" She asked, trying to break the silence, it was a 10 minute walk but it felt like 2 hours long.

"I really do, everyone is kind of eccentric but I guess that has its perks, you can never get bored" he responded with excitement like a little kid.

"That sounds nice, I'm looking forward to it then" she said in a sleepy voice, she was indeed tired even though she had slept for 15 days straight.

"Hey, but I don't have an ability, what am I supposed to do at the Armed Detective Agency, if I'm not you know, armed" she asked no one in particular, it was a doubt she had since Dazai told her she was gonna be working at the Agency.

"Well, I think you are gonna be fine, there's office work, and we always work in at least pairs, not all abilities have offensive traits, like Dazai's ability, he can nullify any and all abilities by touching the user, but it's not like a sword or something" Atsushi rambled trying to respond the question that was to no one in particular.

"So that's his ability, it makes sense" Maru said without thinking.

"What makes sense?" The boy asked.

"Well, you must be powerful to make everybody a mere human, but if you have the ability to take away people's spark, what does that make you?" Now Maru was the one rambling.

"Dazai's ability is called 'No Longer Human'" Atsushi said softly.

"I guess I have my answer, it makes sense he is sad." she said looking at the night sky.

"What makes you think he is sad, you just met him today" the young man questioned her, with pure curiosity on the girl's perspective of his coworker.

She stopped walking and turned to face Atsushi.

"Nobody that seeks or longs for death so desperately is happy, Atsushi-kun"

Then a long silence hugged them both, it was neither awkward or uncomfortable, it was a silence that made then know they would get along.

"Maru-san, can I ask you something?" The boy broke the silence, she just nodded giving him permission.

"Why did you leave your home?" He asked softly.

She knew he would ask her, Nakajima Atsushi, an orphan that was kicked out of the orphanage because of an ability he didn't even know he had, or so that's the story that Tanizaki told her. The weretiger never had a family and longs for one, without noticing he already found one.

"Well Atsushi-kun, I don't think you will understand or like my answer but, I was just suffocating in a life I didn't like, I don't hate my parents, but we don't have the best of relationships so I thought maybe some space will do us good, also I like my career, but didn't like my job, my life felt like it wasn't my own, and I guess I just snapped." She took a deep breath before continuing and turned to look at Atsushi.

"I never meant for this to happen, to make my parents sad, to killed those men, to have to be stuck here with you all, but I'll always try to make the best of every situation, not in an optimistic way, but for survival, so let's get along, Nakajima Atsushi-kun" she finished while reaching out her hand to him as if closing a deal.

'Dazai-san was right ' he thought and shook his hand with hers.

They just walked the rest of the way in silence, Atsushi showed her around the apartment, it had a kitchen, the room straight ahead was a small living room with a window, then to the left was a corridor with a bathroom to the left and to the right was a simple bedroom with a window

"Why do you get more rooms?" He was kind of annoyed.

"Because I am a lady and…" she responded as she put the back of her hand to her forehead, closed her eyes and leaned back in a dramatic way.

"I was kidnapped and physically abused! I need more space to process" she ended her sentence in an exaggerated tone.

"Sounds like bullshit to me" Atsushi whispered.

"It is." she whispered back.

Then Atushi said his goodbyes and left. Maru went right to sleep, everything seemed like a dream, maybe she would wake up by going to bed.

Chapter Text

It's time to take back control.

I have been up since 5 o'clock in the morning. I slept heavily all night but once I opened my eyes I could do nothing more than stare at the ceiling.

This is my life now, I kept saying to myself like a cheap mantra you have seen in a low budget magazine.

I wanted to go away, I wanted to start new, be free, have a brand new life, now that I got it I still feel kind of sick. My whole body felt itchy as if my skin was an old sweater that feels too raspy and uncomfortable, as if it was not mine, just a hand-me-down from some cousin I don't even know.

I got what I wanted, but once again it was forced upon me, I had no choice in the matter. Guess I can't have the sensation of freedom in this timeline, was all I could tell myself in an attempt to console myself.

At 6 am I got up, tired of rolling around in the futon, my back hurt and my head was pounding. I took a bath after the shower, taking time to see the body that felt like a stranger to me, it was weird seeing no proof of what happened to me, no scars, no bumps or bruises, it was as if it never happened, and that was confusing my brain a litte.

You see, trauma lives in the body, sometimes as the bruises on your body heal, it's easier for your brain to follow behind, understanding that it also has to process and heal and that it takes time, but I got no broken bone to follow up, not even a single scratch, all to Yosano of course, and I get that I should be grateful, recovery is hard and painful and I have cheated my way out of it.

But now what do I do with this sense of confusion and dread?

I got out of the bathtub and stared at my face in the mirror.

"There it is" I whispered to myself as I watched my reflection, the only real proof that something happened to me. A strand of my hair framing the left side of my face, all turned white, contrasting with the rest of my hair. It looks almost natural, as if it has always been there since I was born.

"You should get ready" I ordered myself as I started to do my makeup, I have always been a fan of makeup, I love the editorial looks, the colorful ones, I have a million eyeliners of different colors and textures, it's fun putting on different masks, as if you could be different people or at least different versions of yourself.

Since it's an office job I should go a little more conservative tho, not that the people working there are completely sane, I thought.

By 8 am I was ready, I put on a simple light pink dress shirt, a white kind of oversized blazer and some black dress pants I found in some box. I had a problem tho, I am having a staring contest between a pair of heels, not that high but still heels, and a pair of converse.

No matter how old I am, how corporate, or formal, I just don't like heels that much, not for a whole day at least, I can wear heels to a party, to a dinner, but work in them? Nah uh.

I was pulled out of my inner monologue by a knock on the door. So I made my way to the front entrance barefoot and opened the door.

"Good morninggg~ how did you sleep? Are you ready for your first day ever working at the coolest place in Yokohama?" Dazai said with sparkling eyes and a huge smile in his face. I just stared deadpan at him.

"No" was all I told him just to mess with him. He gave me a sad puppy look and even whined a little. This is one strange man.

"Come in, I need your help" I told him, turning my back to him and leading him to the empty living room. In front of us are two pairs of footwear. Heels to the right, converse to the left.

"Which ones?" Was all that I said while he stood beside me. There was a small pause before he answered.

"Both, you can wear the heels for now and if you get tired change into the converse, they are gonna give you a locker at the Agency so you can store them there" he said in a calm tone.

"Oki, thanks" I said while putting on the heels, since he was still standing beside me I used him as support to get the damn heels on, he didn't do anything just stayed in place.

"Are you ready now?" He asked softly as I grabbed the converse and put them on a tote bag.

"Physically? Yes. Mentally? No." I said dramatically while dragging my feet like a child that didn't wanna go to school.

We got out of the apartment and I closed the door, even with heels Dazai looked so tall, honestly I'm pretty short so I thought that with some heels on I could at least feel less small beside him.

It wasn't only his height, this man had a certain presence, not as imposing as the President's, but still kind of dark? For lack of a better term I'll stick with that. I know this eccentric man is bad news, he is smart and charming, kind of easy-going and goofy, but his eyes seem opaque, he has bags under his eyes too, not a great sleeper, but it all added to his dark and heavy presence that he desperately wanted to cover up by playing Yozo the clown.

I noticed that we weren't talking, he wasn't smiling yet he wasn't wearing a frown on his face either, his behavior is unstable, he is serious, then he is not, he jokes around, then keeps quiet.

Is he being defensive? I questioned myself.

So I decided to break the silence and see if I could get more out of him.

"Have you had coffee or breakfast?" I asked him out of the blue, he looked at me confused.

"What?" He said in a soft tone, was he thinking about something.

"Breakfast? Ah no I couldn't I rushed so I could get to your room before Atsushi-kun, you see he was the one supposed to pick you up but I wanted to be the first one to walk you to the Agency, now thinking about it I should tell Atsushi this he probably thinks you ran away." He rambled and moved his hands a lot.

Changing subjects, rambling, lots of body movements… he is being defensive. I thought.

"Well, call him! Why are you trying to make me look bad on my first day! I said following along, it was also an honest reaction, but I couldn't get out of my head the thought that he is being defensive with me.

"I don't want to be the only fuck up in the Agency, you are coming down with me pretty eyes, I like your eyeliner by the way" he said casually. I just kind of slapped him in the arm, not that hard of course.

"Ouch! Okay okay I'm calling… meanwhile you go get us some coffee and donuts in there how about that?" He said acting hurt, and I just extended the palm of my hand to him. He complied and gave me money to pay for both our coffee and donuts. I knew the place anyway, sadly.

"It's been a while, Hiroshi-san, how are you doing?" I asked the man at the counter who looked at me with surprise in his eyes.

"Ah Maria-san! We've been good! Kind of worried about you since you didn't show up, is everything alright?" He asked sincerely.

This would have been a nice place to work indeed, I thought sadly.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that, something, um, unexpected happened and I couldn't make it, but thank you so much for the opportunity" I responded as kind as I could while giving him a sad smile.

While he was making my order Dazai entered the establishment, and sat in the chair next to mine at the table.

"Well, I told Atsushi, he was panicking but only the usual kind so it's fine, he didn't call anyone so don't worry about it anymore" he said in an exaggerated sad tone, looking like a child that has just been scolded.

"Here are your coffees and donuts to go" Hiroshi put the things at the table and looked at Dazai, Dazai looked back at the man then at me.

"Do you know each other?" The detective asked.

"Ah yes, I offered a job here to her a while ago! Sadly she couldn't make it, I'm Hiroshi the owner of this bakery" the man said kindly.

"Oh very nice to meet you! I am Dazai Osamu, Maru's future husba-" I stepped on his foot so hard he hit his knee on the table almost spilling our coffees.

"He is my coworker, please ignore him, Hiroshi-san, thank you for your kindness. I will make sure to come again, alone next time, have a nice day!" I stood up and grabbed the things without waiting for Dazai who was still whining like a baby about his foot.

He came out shortly after limping a little bit.

"That was not nice, you know" he said bitterly.

"Well lying ain't nice either, so suck it up" I responded in the same tone.

"Maybe it's not a lie you know, or is it your ability to know the future?" He said mockingly.

"Could you stop fucking with me?" I snapped at him, raising my voice a little.

"If I was fucking with you I'm pretty sure you wouldn't ask me to stop~" he said with a sly smirk on his face. I hate pretty boys that know they are pretty.

As I felt my latina blood get to my hand, my ancestors possessed my body and gave him the biggest zape (it's a hit on the back of the head with your palm open)  known in history, he wasn't expecting it he even tripped a little.

I just know my mom would be proud of that zape.

"What the fuck was that for?" He raised his voice at me looking pissed. That was the first time I have seen his eyes glow a little, this was a real reaction not a fake one.

"Talk shit, get hit, pretty boy" I said with a huge grin on my face, I probably looked crazy, but I didn't care, it was… fun.

"Don't fucking do that again" he said in a low serious tone, now it wasn't fun, this man is scary, I did not like that tone at all, it was a threat.

"I won't if you don't" I don't know how, but I hold my gaze to him, those opaque eyes now glowing almost red, he was really pissed, but I don't know what he's used to, I respond, I talk back, I don't get pushed around, much less by a man.

The walk to the Agency was quiet after that, a casual sip of the coffee and that's it, it was awkward, do I want it to be this way on my first day?

As we entered the elevator I turned to him, an annoyed look on his face.

"I'm sorry if I hit you too hard, but you were getting out of line too, I don't have a problem playing rough, but don't expect me to just take it in without a fight, I bite back" I said as I was well aware how inappropriate it sounded, but for what I know about this lanky looking man, he liked things out of the ordinary, so I'll play along.

He looked at me with a shocked expression on his face, raising an eyebrow, then his annoyed look turned into a big goofy smile. Mission accomplished, I self high-fived in my mind.

"I accept the terms and conditions then" he said while looking directly at me.

"Bueno pues, el que se lleva se aguanta eh" I told him in my first language, without caring if he understood or not.

As I was getting out of the elevator I turned around and added, "just remember that I killed two men in cold blood, so proceed with caution, pretty boy".

I couldn't see because I turned back around and started walking to the Agency's door, but I know his smile got even bigger.

Chapter Text

I opened the door and everything looks just about the same as the last time I was there, except the feeling is different. 'I am in control of myself, I'm not just a victim anymore', I kept saying to myself my stupid mantras.

"Hi-" I got cut off by Dazai's entrance as he practically dragged me to the center of the room by the hand and started twirling me around like a freaking ballerina.

"Our beautiful new coworker is here! Everyone say hiiiii♪︎", he was screaming as if he wanted everybody on the damn building to hear, I just left myself be twirled around, it's honestly not the worst thing that has happened to me.

"Dazai thas enough" said Kunikida as he smacked Dazai's head with a notebook. Dazai stopped twirling me as he held his head in his hands with agony.

"Maru-san welcome, as you are officially working for the Armed Detective Agency" he said to me while handing me an ID and a padlock and key, "this is for you, the room next door is full of lockers, choose one empty and mark it as yours" he continued.

"Thank you, um, I have a question" I paused.

"I am working for the Armed Detective Agency, not a member" I said as a question.

"Ah yes, naturally if you don't have an ability you can't be a member per se, but it's almost the same, mere semantics" Kunikida responded with a straight face.

"You don't know that." Dazai said out of nowhere while rocking on his chair.

"Yes I do, I have the authority to receive and manage new employees" responded the blonde detective, getting kind of annoyed.

"You don't know if she has an ability or not" the brown haired man kept rocking in his chair, always an inch away from falling.

The air turned very tense as everyone started to look at me with a curious yet worried face.

What the fuck is he babbling about? I don't have an ability, pretty sure I would know by now, why is he making everyone doubt me? I'm pissed, I wanna give him a zape again.

"I don't have an ability, Dazai. If I had I wouldn't have gotten myself kidnapped and almost killed. So stop making everyone become wary of me, please" I said bitterly looking at my shoes.

It kinda sucked you know? I know only a small part of the population has abilities, ain't no one's fault, and it was fine before, where I'm from almost no one had an ability so it's not like a trouble myself thinking about how it sucks to be a mere human, but now… I'm gonna be surrounded by extraordinary people almost every day.

It sucks.

"I just said you don't know thaaat~, ugh why is no one listening to me today" he pouted as he was now spinning in his chair instead of rocking.

"Because you are unbearable" Kunikida said to him as he turned to face me again. "Your job for now will be rearranging some files and making case files, you will also be interviewing people if needed, always supervised of course, I saw in your curriculum and personal file you prefer working with victims rather than aggressors, and that will be respected unless we are short handed, but don't worry about that for now" he added.

I'm amazed at how he didn't even have to take breaths to say all of that, and so naturally, this man really loved working.

I felt a little tap on my shoulder, when I turned around there was a blonde young boy about my height smiling sweetly at me.

"Hello~ we didn't get the chance to meet yesterday because I was kind of tired. I'm sorry!" He said while playing with his overall, "my name is Miyazawa Kenji, it's a pleasure to meet you!" His voice was enthusiastic and joyful, honestly the cutest kid I have ever seen. I wanted to hug him and give him some candy.

"Hi Kenji, I hope we get along, I like your overall". His eyes grew big and shiny as he started to tell me how they were very comfortable and he didn't like shoes, then he proceeded to ask me why do I wear uncomfortable shoes and he went rambling for like 10 minutes, we all let it happen.

But when he told me he's only 14 years old, a string was played and I got kind of sad. By now I was sitting beside Dazai at the provisional desk.

"Kenji-kun, where do you like living the most in your old town or here in the city?" asked Dazai to the young boy out of nowhere, I didn't even think he was listening since he got some headphones on.

"the city of course! City folks are so weird and amusing, plus back in the village everyone is kind of old, and here I have lots of fun!!" Kenji responded truthfully, making me smile a little, it was reassuring to know that at least he feels happy here even though he risks his life-

Wait a minute.

Did Dazai notice I got a little sad for Kenji?

If yes, that's very nice of him to try to cheer me up but also… it's kind of creepy, I don't think i even made a face to show my sadness, plus Dazai is listening to some music with his eyes closed lazing around "as always" like Kunikida said. Atsushi did tell me Dazai and Rampo are the best detectives in the Agency, but still, everything that Dazai does or says confirms to me something.

He is very very very bad news. That man is trouble and I should probably stay away from him.

And that's how I started working for the most chaotic office in town.

Chapter Text

It has now been two weeks of me working at the Detective Agency, it was both exciting and boring.

Exciting because the people who work there have awesome abilities and are a weird bunch. In these two weeks I have seen Dazai get his ass kicked by Kunikida like 3 times a day everyday. I had to pick up Rampo from various locations cause he got lost, I had to block every memory of the Tanizaki sibings together because what the fuck was that all about.

Dazai and I had a weird relationship, our interactions consisted of constant bickering, annoying each other until one of us was pissed, then we had to find ways to forgive each other so we could do it all over again. I have to admit I like it, the days in which Dazai's out are kind of dull, tho I had made it my personal job to baby Kenji, I was teaching him other languages too, he was teaching me how to not kill my houseplants in exchange.

I felt less observed too, people kept walking me to my apartment and to the office but it felt more amicable than just making sure I didn't run away. I wasn't planning to either, I have seen Kunikida mad and I don't want that in my life.

So today I was walking to the office with Atsushi, our relationship was very nice, since I couldn't really go out on weekends because I needed to be supervised, and Atsushi is too poor to go out, he hanged around each other quite often, he would invite me to his apartment to eat ramen and see something on Netflix (account the whole Agency stole from Kunikida, Dazai was the one to pass the password around), or he would come up to mine and do the exactly same thing, he even helped me set up a small and sad living room. He is the small brother I never wanted, but now appreciate very much.

Monday came and Atsushi and I were walking to the entrance of the Agency when we heard a weird scream, as we opened the door there he was, on top of Rampo's desk, standing weirdly and swaying a bit. Dazai was tripping balls.

"What the fuck is going on" I asked without taking my eyes off Dazai's figure.

"Oh, he tried to commit suicide by eating toxic mushrooms but apparently it just had an hallucinating effect." Kunikida responded as if this was normal behavior, and it probably was but still, why isn't he doing anything.

"Atsushi-kuuuuun" Dazai screamed as he launched at the young man and held him in a strange lock making Atsushi look uncomfortable. I just started to put the things on my desk to start the day, if Kunikida didn't care it would be fine.

"Let's cross the magic river together Atsushi, beautiful women and sake are waiting for us!" Dazai said as he was not letting go of Atsushi, and since Dazai is touching him he can't use his tiger strength, ' guess scrawny boy ain't so scrawny ' I thought.

"Dazai-san, please let go, you are hurting me!" Atsushi screamed.

"Okay that's enough" I said while holding Dazai's head with both of my hands making him look at me, I had a serious face even though I wanted to laugh so badly, Dazai's pupils are as big as plates and he had a stupid grin on his face, he looked almost cute.

"Have I already crossed the river? I see a beautiful woman but no sake" he said as he let go of Atsushi and held my hands so they were kept in place on his face. And then I saw it, a slight twitch in his eye, eyebrows furrowed for a second and he gripped my hands a little. ' He's in pain ', I thought.

"Hey, does your tummy or throat hurt?" I asked him in a whisper, I guessed if he was holding it in he didn't want Atsushi or Kunikida to know. He made a weird face, a childish one, like when you find out they got a low grade on an exam.

"Do you want me to help you? I won't say anything" I whispered to him, he was holding perfectly still, if that mushroom was indeed toxic, but not enough to kill him then it was just gonna make him uncomfortable physically. He just kind of nodded with a confused face.

"I'm going to wash his face with cold water so he can stop being annoying, call me if you need anything" I said while dragging Dazai by the hand and into the bathroom. He was being so quiet it freaked me out. 'Is he  really dying or something?'

After I closed the door I looked at him, he looked so innocent, his eyes were like a child, he looked like they were about to burst into tears.

"I don't like pain" was all he said.

"Here's what I'm going to do, I'll shove two fingers up your throat so you can throw up, don't fucking bite me or push me, I'm trying to help and this is the easiest way for you to feel better, its gonna be ugly but you will feel a little of relief" I held his face again so he would look directly at me, I could tell he didn't like the plan, but the sooner that mushroom is out of him the better. So he just nodded again. I turned the faucet on so no one would hear and we kneeled at the same time in front of the toilet and he closed his eyes, I took my rings off and we both took a deep breath. And I went to town.

Gotta be honest, ain't my first ride at the rodeo, I have taken care of lots of drunk and high friends, so I know how to do this fast and painless, most of the time.

While he was throwing up I kind of held parts of his hair up and rubbed his back, it was pretty quick, this boy has a sensitive gag reflex. He took a deep breath and washed his mouth.

"I still feel like shit" he said, holding himself up on the sink.

"Well that means you're coming down" I said while washing my hands. "Now let's go out so you can take a nap, that'll make you feel better" I continued, drying off my hands and opening the door, Dazai was right behind me dragging his feet.

I went to my desk and grabbed a couple case files that needed some changes and walked to the couches. I figured I'll keep an eye on him so he doesn't die in his sleep like a baby. He would probably love that tho.

He came looking sluggish and sleepy and sat beside me and I gave him a weird look, he just blinked at me without saying a word and laid his head on my lap and raised his feet to the couch and…he fell asleep.

Atsushi-kun came to check and gave me a weird look.

"Do you want me to ask Kunikida to take him off?" he asked politely with an eyebrow raised.

"Nah, it's okay really, it doesn't bother me" I said and kept looking at the case files which were a disaster, you can guess who arranged them, the big baby sleeping on my lap of course.

Atsushi gave me an 'are you sure' look and I just gave him a thumbs up. I don't really mind this kind of physical touch, intimacy doesn't have to be sexual, you can take care of people just because it is the right thing to do. Seeing Dazai ask for help in his own weird and subtle ways reminded me he is human, and that I don't really know his story, just who is this man that is sleeping on my lap without a care.

An hour had passed and he was not responding. I tried shaking him up a little, running my fingers to his hair to see if he would open his eyes but nop, I could see little red dots on the sides of his eyes because of the throwing up, guess it was really tiring for him.

A man suddenly appeared on the couch in front of us, the greatest detective Rampo-kun. I accidentally called him "-kun" without knowing he is older than me, he said he liked it so I kept using it. He had two lollipops in his hands, he handed me one, and as I was opening it he said, "you shouldn't be doing this kind of thing for him if you want him to stay away". His voice was calm and low, he meant business.

"You expected me to just let him suffer?" I responded with the lollipop on my mouth, he gave me the pineapple one he doesn't like.

"I know you think he is bad news, so why do you always end up stuck with him? I'm asking because I'm nice, but I already know the answer" he said, opening one eye.

"I would help any of you if you were in this situation, it's not a special favor" I said through my teeth, I wasn't liking this conversation.

"You know he's going to keep on doing things like this on purpose right? Without you even noticing he will be sleeping on your couch and eating your food" he said now with both of his eyes open, he was being really serious.

"You talk about him as if he's a stray dog" I pointed at Dazai with my lollipop.

"That's because he is" was all he said as he got up and went to his desk.

Chapter Text

I was kind of pissed.

It has been two weeks since the toxic mushroom incident and Dazai hasn't mention it, that day he just woke up three hours later, got up, went to his desk, grabbed his wallet and left, came back two hours later, lazed around in his desk and then went home.

I risked getting puke all over my hands, and my butt hurt a lot for being in the same position for three hours so I wouldn't wake him and he didn't even say a single "thanks". He is ungrateful and spoiled and I want to punch him.

He keeps acting like nothing happened, still teases me a bit, steals my snacks and keeps doing messy case files so that I take longer arranging them.

But I won't say anything, oh no, I am zen. I would rather shot myself in the foot than give him the satisfaction to know that I am pissed and he got a reaction out of me. I am cool. Rampo said he was a stray dog but dogs are loyal, you pet them once and they will follow you straight home, he aint no stray dog, he's just an egotistical man.

"Are you alright?" Atsushi asked me with a worried expression on his face.

"Yeah, why you ask?" I responded turning my eyes back to the pile of sheets I was punching holes in to put them in files.

"You seem, um, a little bit angry and looks like you are taking it out on those poor papers" he said pointing at the papers.

"Well, I said I'm fine" I said angrily and the poor boy just jumped and left.

"Turn around bright eyes♪︎, we got a job for you" I heard Dazai sing, and I just glared at him so hard that I wished his head would just go boom.

"Oh, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" He asked while getting closer till he was beside me.

"What do you want?" I said with the fakest nice voice I could make, he raised an eyebrow and ignored it.

"We need you to interview someone, and you are not gonna like it, but he refuses to talk to men, and none of the police women have make him talk, we need your psychological superpowers to make him confess" he said while passing me yet another case file.

And he was right, I was not liking it already.
Takeshi Haruno, age 36, accused by 4 underaged girls of sexual assault, they all have presented signs of violence but there's not DNA to link it to him. The victims were assaulted inside the man's convenience store, the store's security cameras have not been working for a while, a "coincidence" he argues.

"He did it, we just need him to confess and make everything easier, for us and the victims" he added.

"How do you know he did it? He has no history of sexual violence and people describe him as "kind, hard working and outgoing". I asked, to be honest, I already know he fit the profile, he was single and has been for a while, didn't married once, no mention of close friends, the only people who gave a reference of him were his parents and elderly people who live in the neighborhood. Given the social and gener inequality situation of the country it wouldn't be rare to turn to violence towards women.

"It's my job to know things, you just have to trust me" Dazai said winking at me. Oh I wanted to punch him so much.

"So can you do it? If you say you can't its fine, I'll find another way, but I think you can do it" he said in a more serious tone.

"Will I be alone?" I asked sincerely.

"Nope, Kunikida and I will be on the other side of the glass, plus other police officers if anything happens, but you would be interviewing him alone." He responded looking at me.

"Fine, give me 15 minutes and get me a loudspeaker, that goes really loud, also, contact the victims and ask them if they could also go to the station" I said as I threw my head back to look at the ceiling, I really didn't wanna do this. I've been comfortable here. I never noticed how protected I felt in these walls, there was always someone with me, be it Atsushi and his sweet and shy nature, or Kenji and his optimistic smile, Yosano telling me how much he hates weak and rude men, hell even the Tanizaki siblings were cool when they weren't doing weird things.

"You got it, boss" Dazai said while giving me a little pat in the head.

→→→→→→

Dazai couldn't drive, why has no one told me that? I felt my heart almost jumping out my chest, he was switching lanes without checking, speeding up then stepping on the breaks suddenly, everyone was yelling and cursing at us, he almost run over two citizens, he was a mad man.

We did made it to the police station.

"Give me the fucking keys, you are never driving again" I yelled at him and he just laughed maniacally but gave me the keys without much of a fight.

As we entered I saw the 4 victims in the waiting room, so I went straight to greet them.

"Hello, my name is Maru, I'm going to be interviewing your abuser, thank you for trusting me and coming down here, please know that you won't have to talk to him or be near him, but I will use your presence to intimate him" they were looking at the ground but every single one of them looked at me when I said the word intimidate.

"That's right, you have power, he might have taken a lot out of you, but you are the truth and the justice, it's your time to take back what's yours and make him feel small." I gave them a compassionate look before explaining what we are going to do.

←←←

I entered the small room, he was sitting by the window in the back of the room, smug look on his face.

"Well I didn't think they will treat me with a foreign, thank you officers!" He said looking at the glass and waving.

I had my clipboard with the files in one hand and a freaking boombox in the other one, I placed both things in the table without greeting him. He knew he was controlling the situation until now so there's no use fighting that.

"So, why haven't you been talking to male police officers? Scared of them?" I told him without looking at him and just reading the files.

"Pff, as if, I just think they are incompetent, might as well talk to a nice lady, incompetent as well but a much better presence" he answered, I could feel his stare piercing through the clipboard.

"Well, can't deny that, police be incompetent sometimes" I said casualy as I turned to the boombox and took my cellphone out, all in silence, still not looking at him.

"So who are you? Another incompetent policewoman?" He asked, his eyes not leaving my figure.

"Do I look like a policewoman?" I asked him.

"No, but the incompetent part fits" he said, aggressors are always trying to get a reaction out of you, but that's nice, he feels uncomfortable, he wants to take control, meaning, he feels threatened.

"Haha well…not everyone can be a genius you know!" I laughed and smiled, and from the side of my eye I saw he was getting annoyed.

And I pressed play.

Tellin' you to shut your mouth
Truth tellin' will never help
Pick up your head and smile pretty, girl♪︎

Now I looked at him, staring straight at him with a smile on my mouth, not saying a word as I layed the file cases out for him to see.

The music was loud. And so I raised my hand giving the signal. And the lights went on the other side of the mirror, presenting the 4 victims behind me, and we just stared at him.

And I just started to sing along the song straight to him mockingly.

Poor boy
What you gonna do? These girls are coming for you!
Poor boy
What you gonna do? Us girls are coming for you!
Poor boy
What you gonna do? These girls are coming for you!♪︎

He got so furious it was funny, his face was distorted, all red, his eyes looked like they were gonna pop, and I let out a fake laugh. And raised my hand again so the victims couldn't be seen anymore, but the song kept playing.

Tellin' you to close your eyes
Just keep your secrets in your thighs
One in three and one in five♪︎

He then started to yell something between the lines of 'is this a joke? Stop this, you are incriminating me!', and I just turned the volume up and kept singing while looking at him. He just kept screaming and screaming at me.

Guess I'm lucky I'm still alive
'Cause people come, try to stain your life
Silence is the perfect noise
For the one they love to call
Poor boy♪︎

And then… I turned the volume down

"Oh you think you are so smart you stupid bitch yeah I did it and im going to get away with it, and im gonna fuck you up next" he screamed at me and I smiled, we got ourselves a confession.

He stopped as he realized what he just had said, he stood up quickly and launched himself at me. Nothing's ever easy.

Chapter Text

"Stop" Dazai ordered everyone at the other side of the mirror.

"What do you mean stop? He got her by the collar! She is in danger stupid Dazai" Kunikida yelled at his coworker. He was almost gripping the doorknob.

"She is not in immediate danger, she can manage just fine without us" Dazai said calmly, but never taking his eyes off of what was happening in the interrogation room.

"I'll take full responsibility if anything happens." He reassured his coworker. "But sometimes misogynistic men need to be humbled by what they hate the most, and right now, Maru's doing a great job humiliating him, so let her" he added, still staring at the situation in front of him.

"If he doesn't let her go in two minutes, I'm going in whether you like it or not" responded an angry Kunikida, he didn't like the way Dazai worked sometimes, he really thinks that this could escalate into something more serious and his new coworker could end up hurt.

"That's fine by me" was all that Dazai said.

○○○○

"You should let go of me, it's really not gonna help you at trial you know?" I said half joking and half angry as I held a pen, that I snatched from the office reception and hid inside the clip of my board, close to his left eye.

"You tricked me, disgusting little whore" he said angrily while the gripp he had on my shirt became stronger.

"Let me go or lose an eye" and move the pen an inch closer to his eye, almost touching his eyelashes.

And finally he did. He let go and pushed me so hard to my chair it moved and I slammed against the glass.

Kunikida and some police officers came in, they helped me stand up and asked if I was okay, I just kept glaring at the man in front of me.

"The confession was recorded, and was all that we needed, so enjoy prison you fucker" was all I could say as I left the room.

Dazai was standing right outside the door, he gave me a strange look that I didn't have the energy to figure out.

"Excuse me", I whispered and dragged myself to the bathroom. I checked all the stals and thankfully they were empty. I went to a sink and started running the water while looking at my blurry reflection in the mirror.

"You're okay, it's fine, you did the job, you helped the girls" here I am telling my stupid mantras and affirmations trying to talk myself out of a panic attack.

I could feel the walls closing in and my breath getting shallow and shaky, the pressure on my chest growing and seeing black dots on my vision, not good signs. My knees felt like jelly, I was just holding myself up with my arms and using the sink to keep myself steady.

The door opened up and I could see Dazai through the reflection of the mirrors. He looked at me from the mirrors too and just kind of put an arm around my waist from behind and I let myself go, I'm so tired.

We kind of just slipped to the ground until he was sitting on the ground and I was between his legs, he didn't let go of me and I started to cry, full on wailing, I felt like a little kid. I couldn't breathe between my cries. I felt as if I was drowning in my own tears.

"You're okay, you did good" I heard Dazai's voice, he was telling me right next to my ear but he felt so far away, and I couldn't stop crying. I grabbed the arm he had on my waist and pushed it into me. I need to feel some kind of pressure, and I think he got the idea since he wrapped his other arm in front of my chest holding my shoulder and squished me.

He kept talking but I couldn't hear him. My cries did become softer, I could hear his breathing and felt his heartbeat, so I tried to concentrate on that. We stayed like that for about 10 minutes but it felt like hours.

He let go of me when I finally calmed down, but he didn't move, he let me rest my back and my head on his chest for a little while.

"You should go back, Kunikida will think you ditched him to get drinks." I said in a shaky voice.

"I think you need a drink" he responded without moving.

"Ugh yes, I need three shots of vodka" I answered.

"I thought you despised vodka" he turned his head to look at me.

"I do" and I laughed a little bit, and he took that as a signal that he could go. He moved a little to stand up and helped me up.

"I'll be right there, I just have to look less dead" I reassured him so he could leave.

"Death looks good on you" he winked.

"Not committing suicide with you today" I answered while whipping the mascara off my cheeks.

"All you do is tease me, truly a meanie" he joked as he opened the door and left.

The drive to the office was pretty silent, I was the one driving now, if Dazai took the wheel I would end up having another panic attack. We just turned on the radio and listened to music. Dazai was a picky listener, if he didn't like the song he would change the station over and over again until he found something he liked or until the song he didn't like was over. It annoyed me but I let him do that. I was too embarrassed to look at him right now.

I could already hear him blackmailing me with what just happened, he is gonna hold it over my head until I caught him slipping with something and then we're even.

At the office Dazai was telling everyone the good job I did and how cool I was, even Kunikida praised my work in front of others, and I just stood awkwardly in the middle of everything. I wanted to go home.

They did let me go home after writing a report justifying my non conservative way of handling the interrogation, I mean I'm not exactly a police officer nor a member of the Agency, I don't really have any strict protocol to follow, so it was easier getting away with my manipulating skills.

I went home, got into a convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes and some beer, I felt like a teenager. I smoked and drank looking outside the apartment window and cried for a while, but thought of a plan to make me feel less shitty.

• ●●

"Kunikida-san, I have a favor to ask" I said in a calm voice but honestly I was quite nervous.

"What is it, Maru-san" he said, not looking at me and just writing some reports.

"I want you to teach me how to fight" I said rapidly, damn my nerves.

The whole office stopped, I hate how everyone was always on each other's business.

"I don't think that's necessary, you are doing fine just as it is, also you don't go on field that much, and if so, a member of the Agency will be there to protect you" he said, still not looking at me.

I don't respond well to not getting what I want.

"The day of the interrogation I got so scared I had a panic attack in the bathroom and Dazai had to come and talk me through it. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Having to depend on someone to calm you down?" Dazai gave me a surprised look, I guess he was gonna keep that as a secret.

"Do you know that I can't go anywhere alone? I always make Atsushi come with me, even if I'm just going to the store next to the building, but I just can't be alone, I get so scared that my ears start to ring and I forget how to breath, and yes I know that PTSD is normal giving the situation I lived, but do you know how frustrating it is to feel weak and incapable of defending myself? It's horrible, I loved doing things alone now I get paralized in fear, worrying that I might get kidnapped again or killed and then it would be an inconvenience for my parents and for the Agency, I can't stand it anymore" I didn't even realized I was screaming until I reached the end of my sentence. Kunikida was now looking at me. Everyone was looking at me. Great, just great.

"I'll teach you how to defend yourself and others if that's what you like" a deep voice appeared in the room, the President was standing by his door looking at me.

"Oh shit, you don't have to do that President, it's fine I don't want to burden you with that" I didn't expect the President to be the one to teach me, I am clumsy and not flexible I know I'm gonna suck that's why I asked Kunikida he was a math teacher before so he has experience with failures.

"Nonsense, I'll teach you, everyone should be able to walk the streets without fear, I'll see you this Sunday here at 8 am" he said as he went back to his office.

"Why would no one get me out of that? Not a single, 'oh no President I'll teach her' you're all bad friends" I said to everyone who were just faking to keep working but I could hear them laugh.

"You want it, you got it, pretty eyes" Dazai said and I threw my shoe at him, I missed but my intentions were clear as day.

Chapter Text

So there I was standing outside the Armed Detective Agency's door, wearing a t-shirt and some yoga pants and my usual converse. This feels wrong, everyone is going to pay for setting me up like this. I swear I'm gonna make everyone's life so miserable they cry.

I opened the door and no one was there, no one really worked on Sundays unless there was an emergency. It was weird seeing the office so alone and quiet.

"I'm in the office" I heard President Fukuzawa's voice, and so I followed it to his office. It always seems like a place so far away, even though it's always around the corner. He was sitting at his desk in his usual clothes.

"Hi, good morning President" I said shyly. He motioned me to sit in front of his desk.

"We are not gonna fight today Maru-san, we are just going to talk for a while, next Sunday please be prepared because I won't go easy on you" he said looking straight at me, this man is pretty intimidating, doesn't help he is kinda hot too.

"Oh, what are we going to talk about?" I asked, honestly I was pretty curious and nervous.

"Let's go upstairs first." he said as he got up and headed to the door, and I followed right behind.

There we were in the small garden Kenji had up here, there were two benches and some chairs. So we sat down on the benches.

Then I was pretty surprised, the President went behind some bushes and pulled out a bottle of scotch and got some glasses from a different set of bushes. Gotta love this place.

He poured me a drink and he poured one for himself as well.

"How have you been feeling working here? It's been a little more than a month already." He asked while sipping his drink, mind you it was 8:30 in the morning.

"Well, it's been interesting, can't say I'm totally adjusted, but I think I'm hanging in there, people are weird but nice, the office work ain't so bad, you gave me a place to sleep and a job, I'm nothing but grateful" I said looking at the clouds.

"I'm glad to hear it, you know you can ask for help right? Even if it is to just to have a drink and talk in the roof, you are not an inconvenience, you are part of the Agency now and we help each other more than mere coworkers" he said turning to look at the clouds as well.

"I'm still trying to get the hold of that. As you can see, I am the one that takes care of people, not the other way around, it feels wrong to be helped, it makes me feel weak, I mean even my profession is helping people, making them feel compassionate with themself so they can take care of themselves without my help, I'm not used to being the one that can't stand on her own two feet" I confessed, this man could easily be a therapist, why do they need me for?

"Everyone needs help sometime, I heard you even helped Dazai with his mushroom incident, he doesn't really ask for help either, he is stubborn and eccentric, yet he let you help him" the President said turning to face me, and I looked at him confused. How does he know about that?

"Rampo notices everything then goes to my office and tells me so I can praise him" he said, reading my mind and sipping his scotch.

"And Dazai helped you back when you were having a panic attack, there's no room for shame at the Agency, as you have noticed everyone is free, that's why it's hectic and chaotic, but also-"

"Homey" I interrupted him as I sipped my drink, he gave me a soft smile.

"Do you ever think of me as a murderer?" I asked the President without looking at him, I was scared of his answer.

"No, not even once, the circumstances were in your disfavor, you did what you had to do to survive, and everyone in the Agency knows what that's like, none of them ever thought of you as someone dangerous or unworthy of trust." He looked at me with a soft smile.

"You were supervised for your own safety, and because it was possible you wanted to run away, and that's perfectly understandable, but you won't be supervised anymore, we have put you in endless situations where you could have just taken off and you never did, you are getting better" he said.

I kind of wanted to cry. I came here to get my butt kicked, not to be understood and validated. I feel myself walking on a tightrope not knowing when I'm gonna snap again and make a fool out of myself in front of everyone. But I guess that's just me taking off my defenses and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It still feels shitty but that's the road to getting better.

"Now, tell me how did you get Dazai to care? That boy is a mystery to me" said the President, looking defeated.

"He's always late, does messy work, drinks a lot and never tells anyone anything!" This man is exhausted.

"I don't think he cares, I think he just sees something to gain or to be entertained. That's been our whole dynamic. I piss him off, he pisses me off, we bonk heads, forgive each other and do it all over again, I think it keeps him amused. It's not that he cares about me in particular, I just play along in his little power game" I answered truthfully, I know nothing about Dazai, he is also a mystery to me, he is defensive and never talks about himself, only to say superficial things like his favorite food or drink, but nothing more.

"I do think he likes you more than the rest of the Agency" the President said and I gave him an incriminating look.

"Don't listen to Rampo, he just wants drama" the President looked caught.

"I am just Dazai's new plaything, he will get bored and I'll be just another one of the Agency's employees. He is narcissistic, immature, and kind of sociopathic, thank God he decided to help people cause he would be a pain in the ass as a bad guy" I said sipping my drink bitterly, I said all that as if I didn't care but honestly, it did sting a little, I knew for the very first look that Dazai is bad news and I should stay away from him, and I do believe he is not interested in me, because of who I am, but because I'm new, fresh out of the box, and he just likes that I can keep up with his little games, but I just know that once he is bored, he will throw me into a doll box and forget to play with me.

That makes me a little sad because part of me enjoys those games, the bickering, the making up by buying him food or liquor or telling him a joke.

Still I knew he wasn't gonna let me in. I never see him outside work, he has this whole life I don't know about and it's because he doesn't want me to, and I have to make my peace with that.

I just don't want to.

The rest of the day was nice. The President and I talked about our hobbies and what we like. Apparently we both liked cats a lot, I showed him pictures of my cats back at home, he loved them.

I had to call Atsushi-kun to come pick me up, I'm plastered. I haven't gotten this drunk for a while, I couldn't even stand still, he was gonna have to carry me, I better buy Atsushi some chazuke to make it up to him.

The President was in a better state but I just knew he was also drunk, we drank the whole bottle, I can drink, I ain't no lightweight so we just kept and kept on drinking.

The door opened and I almost sobered up.

"Whe-rs atshushi-kun?" I mispronounced every word, damn get yourself together.

"Well he couldn't make it, but fear not! Me, your knight in shining armor will take you home~" Dazai said as he kneeled in front of me and I could feel my face get hot. This is so embarrassing, he has never seen me drunk.

"Dazai, don't do anything weird, please behave" said the President then he let out a hiccup.

"Oh I wouldn't dare, she is quite deadly you know?" He said, giving me a smirk.

This is bad very very bad.

Chapter Text

I stared at him from the couch as he took my tote bag and stood in front of me.

"Ready to go?" He asked me to extend his hand so he could help me stand up. I looked at him and then at his hand, let out a loud breath and tried to sit up alone.

And I almost fell face first. Everything was spinning and I couldn't focus on anything, and I started laughing cause it's funny.

"Woah there, just how much did you drink?" He laughed as he held me by the shoulders and kneeling so he was looking at me face to face.

"Whole bottle!" Said the President who was God knows where.

"That explains it, so, can you walk or should I carry you?" He asked me looking at me in a way that I would describe as weird, but don't listen to me cause I'm kind of 'no thoughts, head empty'

"I'll walk." I whispered while putting a hand on his face, pushing it away making him kind of trip backwards, meanwhile, I tried to pull myself out of the couch using the edge to propel me up, and I almost fell face first again. Dazai caught me grabbing me by the waist and I used his arm to stand still.

Then I got pissed because well I am drunk.

"Geff of nme" I tried to say Get off me and pushed his arm and made my way to the door, I did manage to reach it, barely.

"Bye pwresidnt, swee ya tomorowd" I told the President without turning around in fear that I might get dizzy, and dragged myself out and used the wall to keep me up, I heard Dazai's footsteps behind me.

"You are going reaaally slow, I think it's better if I just carry you" he said watching me struggle to walk, laying his back on the wall in front of the one I was using as support.

"Piss off" I almost growled at him, I am so furious at this man, I can't stand him, I can't look at him without feeling hot out of embarrassment.

"Good to know you are an angry drunk" he laughed.

And I fell, not face first but butt first, this is the worst day of my life, how did it even happen? I just sat there looking at his smug face.

"I wanna punch you" I said looking at him, he looked pretty blurry.

"How about you punching me when we get to your apartment? I'll not even fight back, but you only get one punch okay?" He said walking closer to me and crouching down so again we were looking face to face again.

"Oki" I said smiling, I'm gonna punch the lights out of this man and I'm going to enjoy it.

"It's a deal, but let me carry you as soon as we get out of the building, you can't walk without taking 10 minutes to move one foot" he pulled me up and wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me up.

He's too close and my drunk self noticed how pretty he is, I want to crawl into a hole and die.

We got to the elevator, and the ride down was awkward, none of us said anything. I could only think of ways to scoul Atsushi cause I know he had something to do with this.

As we approached the front door of the building Dazai turned to face me and asked me, "So piggyback or bridal style?" I was so confused.

"Piggy I don't want to see your smug face" I said bitterly, he just kept on laughing and turned his back to me and crouched down a little. And so I kind of placed my arms around his neck and he pulled my legs up and we were ready to go.

It was quiet for a while, until I decided I wanted answers and could now blame it on the alcohol.

"Why did you pick me up?" I said resting my head on his shoulder, his hair was soft.

"I was with Atsushi when you called him, I figured he wouldn't know what to do with a drunk girl so I volunteered as a tribute" he said calmly, almost as if he was being honest.

"The real reason, what do chu gain from thwis" I confronted him, I'm kind of tired of playing along. He got a little tense.

"That's the real reason, I am just a gentleman" he kept on lying.

"Meeeh bullshit" I said loudly, he was very tense, he consciously or unconsciously put pressure on the hold of my legs.

"I wanted to see the drunk version of you, thought it would be interesting" he finally said.

"Ands sho far?" I asked him.

"It's fun, very angry and bitchy but fun nevertheless" he said laughing again.

"Why do you always wear bandages around your body?" I asked the question I have bee keeping for so long, I tried to ignore it since everyone did, but I'm not stupid, I kind of know the answer but never sure. I noticed when he had more than one layer around his wrist of neck, even his ankles.

And he got very tense again, he even stopped walking.

"Why do you wanna know?" He asked me in a low serious tone.

"I'm just curious" I half lied.

"Bullshit" he answered as he started to walk again, we were close to the apartment.

"I have a theory but I'm not sure I am right" I confessed.

"What's your theory?" he was getting annoyed, I don't know if I should keep pushing.

"I don't wanna tell." I whispered.

"Why not?" His tone was less hostile.

"I think you are gonna get mad and punish me for it when I am sober" I need to keep my mouth shut but the alcohol is making me babble.

"Do you think I punish you when I get angry at you?" he asked with curiosity.

"You like control, so you punish when people don't do what you want, it's not only me, you do it with Atsushi too, even Kunikida" he is gonna get mad, he is not gonna like that I have analyzed his behavior.

"Mmmm, you are spot on, such a great psychologist you are" he said mockingly.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to upset you, you can let me down now, I'll walk to the apartment myself" I was sobering up I was a little scared and a little sad, I felt like crying, but he didn't let go and there was no use in fighting with him right now.

"I said I was gonna get you home and I'll do that, I don't break my promises" he told me, he was less tense but the atmosphere was uncomfortable.

"I am upset, but not at you directly. I just don't like other people seeing things I don't want them too." He said softly.

"So are you or are you not defensive with me?" I asked straight away.

"I am" he sounded defeated.

"I knew it! I was not crazy, I am smart and observant!" I screamed unintentionally, but I was happy it was not me being paranoid and Dazai laughed, not a big fake laugh, a small and sincere one.

We were almost at my place. I told him I could walk up the stairs since he must be tired, but he said no and kept on carrying me.

Dazai opened the apartment door and made his way in, he didn't let go of me, he took his shoes off and made his way to my sad living room, putting me down on the sad couch and sitting down beside me.

I kept quiet the whole time, he brought my feet up and started to un-do my shoelaces.

"You don't have to do that, you can go now you kept your promise" I told him while resting my head on the couch and closed my eyes, I was so tired, It has been a long day, and fun fact it's like 6 pm only.

"You still get to punch me" I opened one eye and looked at him.

"I don't feel like punching you now, you always find ways of making me forgive you, you are free to go I guess" I said softly and closed my eyes.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked slowly, I couldn't really sense any intention behind the question.

I took a second to think, I didn't know what I wanted. Well, that's a lie I do know what I want.

"No", I whispered, I don't know if he heard it, and I drifted away in a heavy slumber.

Chapter Text

My head is killing me, it's just hurting and pounding. I feel sick, yesterday was a mistake.

I opened my eyes and saw the roof of my room colored blueish-purple, must be early in the morning, I thought.

I turned around, slowly in fear I might throw up, and saw the clock, 5:45 am.

I laid on my back again, thinking why do I have to drink this much, I mean the President just kept on pouring and pouring and well, it was nice scotch too.

'How did I get to my room?' A sudden thought crossed my mind. Last thing I remember is falling asleep on the couch after Dazai took off my shoes. Oh god, the whole interaction I just had with him. Me asking uncomfortable questions, him carrying me home and seeing me drunk and slurring my words. What's the worst that could happen if I violate my probation and just go somewhere? Like Uruguay or something.

I decided to roll off the futon and stand up, I needed water. I noticed I'm wearing the same clothes as yesterday, I looked in the mirror and still had my eyeliner on, guess drunk me didn't care about her night skincare routine.

I made my way to the kitchen holding myself up with the help of walls and got myself a glass of water, I looked at it with fear I might throw it up. And then I heard it.

The faint sound of breathing. If I didn't want to throw up then I would now, I walked to the living room and saw Dazai, asleep, on my couch. He had his trench coat and vest off, his bolo tie was on the living room table and was just asleep.

I am so confused.

I walked back to the kitchen slowly so I wouldn't wake him up and the words of a certain detective rang like sirens on the back of my mind.

"Without you even noticing he will be sleeping in your couch and eating your food"

I hate it when the self proclaimed world's best detective is right.

I just stood there in the middle of the kitchen with the glass of water in my hand.

Should I wake him up?

Do I go back to sleep?

Should I take a shower to help me think?

"I can hear you think" a raspy voice said, scaring me and making me drop the glass of water. Good thing I am poor and most of my glasses are children's plastic glasses, this one's a hello kitty one. I still made a mess tho.

I kneeled down quickly, and that was not good for my head. I grabbed a paper towel and tried to clean up my mess without saying anything.

"Good morning, just how hungover are you?" He said casually coming up to the kitchen, his dress shirt kind of out of place, it was not tucked in and it had some loose buttons, not that I could see anything because he is covered in bandages, but I couldn't help but stare at his messy hair and sleepy face, I am just a woman.

"I want to die" was all I could say, his eyes suddenly lit up and had a big grin on his face.

"Really???" He screamed in excitement.

"Nope, false alert" I said with a bored expression, but was betrayed by a smile as I continued to clean the water on the floor.

Dazai walked past me and took two glasses, disney princesses this time, one of Belle the other one sleeping beauty, then filled them with water. I stood up and took the Belle one, he then got on the other side of the counter, now separating us. It was kind of awkward so in my hangover boldness I decided to start the conversation.

"I don't mean to be rude but, what the fuck are you doing here" I said, way too bold.

"I asked you if you wanted me to go, and you said no, so I stayed" he said and then took a sip of his water, his eyes never leaving mine, he wanted to see my reaction, and how did he hear my answer I whispered so low.

"Did I drag myself to my room? I thought I fell asleep on the couch?" I completely ignored what he had just said, this is too embarrassing.

"Nope, I carried you to your room and tucked you in, you were out cold" he said with a small smile, and now maybe I do want to die.

Without knowing what to say I just chugged the water, maybe I will be lucky and drown. And then I remembered I'm hungover and ran to the bathroom. I don't usually puke when I'm drunk, I throw up when I'm hungover.

I barely made it, hungover puking is horrible it burns since almost always there's nothing in your stomach. I heard Dazai come in and sat beside me, he held my hair up and rubbed my back, I heard him chuckle a little.

After I finished I stood up and brushed my teeth, then went back to sit on the bathroom floor. Dazai was waiting for me there, he sat with his back to the bathtub and facing the door and I sat with my back to the door facing him.

"Why are you being nice?" I questioned him.

"Because I AM nice" he responded by overexaggerating his facial expressions and hand movements. I just stared at him.

"Can we pretend I'm still drunk so you can be honest?" I told him with a sad smile. He looked at me and sighed.

"Fine, I am being nice because I feel like I owe it to you, and I don't like to be in debt with anyone" he said with no expression at all.

"Why would you owe me nice, I am not nice to you" I chuckled a little, I actually think I'm mean to him sometimes.

"You are nice to me, and I don't really understand why, you haven't asked for anything yet, not money, not favors, not sex or affection. Just what is it that you want from me?" He asked me sincerely, I could see he was really puzzled, his shoulders were down, he slipped a little to the floor so he could throw his head back and rest it on the edge of the tub, he wasn't even looking at me now.

"I don't want anything from you Osamu, whatever it is that you want to share with me, I want it to be because you want to, not because you feel obligated to reciprocate" I said feeling defeated, I couldn't understand him at all.

There was silence.

I was being completely honest, I don't think I wanted anything from him, I just want to understand him. I felt comfortable being just but a mere witness of the natural disaster that the man named Dazai Osamu was, being near him was enough for now.

He stood up and lent me his hands to pull myself up.

"Let's eat something" he said while he opened the bathroom door.

"I'm sorry that I called you by your first name, I didn't mean to be rude or make you uncomfortable" I said while chewing my cereal, that was all my poor hangover stomach could handle. We were on the couch eating and watching TV.

"You can call me by my first name if it's the two of us, I actually liked it" he said, with no expression at all. Meanwhile my face feels hot, he always acts like it's nothing but it makes me wonder if he talks to all his friends like this, so casually about things that feel intimate.

"You can ditch work by the way, I told the President you were hungover and weren't going to the office" he continued.

"And what did he say?" I asked

"Me neither" he answered while laughing.

□□□

Dazai left an hour later, he didn't talk much but kept each other company, it didn't feel awkward, it was actually quite comfortable. Seeing him be natural and not over dramatic was something, he wasn't expressionless but he didn't feel fake as always.

Something weird did happen, and it was on me, I take the blame.

Just when he was about to leave, I gave him a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye, it's a common thing to do where I am from, but here it can look more affectionate than it is, and he just looked at me with a face between confusion and shock and mischief.

He is going to tease me about it later, and I brought it onto myself.

I took a shower to cool down and went straight to bed again.

I woke up at 5 pm and decided I was gonna go out, that's it, I needed to clear my head, I no longer had to be supervised, I can do this, I have Atsushi on speed dial, Kunikida also but he is for real emergencies, Dazai is not on the list cause he never picks up.

And so with a red crop top on, some black mom jeans and some boots, I was out in the world alone for the first time in forever.

Chapter Text

I started walking down the street, there were a lot of people out, that made me nervous and calm at the same time. I have only walked this street alone once, and now it seemed more colorful, people talking, kids being loud, not that threatening.

I window shopped for a while and just kept walking and walking without going anywhere in particular. Then I saw a small pub on the end of the street, it looked kind of private and sketchy, but I have been in sketchier bars honestly.

It was a small bar, just a couple of tables and stool chairs on the counter. I made my way to one of the stools by the end of the bar.

As I was drinking my beer I kept thinking of my situation and how I got myself in it. I thought walking and having a drink would help me get things sorted out but I'm just confused.

Moments later a man entered the bar and walked to the counter, the people who were in the other stools stood up and left immediately.

'That's odd ' I thought to myself but not making much fuss about it.

I felt the man look at me from the side of his eye, not turning his head to face me and I kinda did the same.

He was kind of short, about my height, probably just some centimeters taller than me, he had piercing blue-greyish eyes, and freckles on his face, his hair was long, strands of red brownish hair framing his handsome face.

He noticed me staring and raised an eyebrow, and I just raised one back. He stopped looking at me, I stopped looking at him. Damn these handsome men popping out of thin air when I can't think.

It was silent for a while, I was on my second beer but got bored of the taste and didn't have enough money for a fancy drink.

I heard a lighter flick beside me, the handsome ginger man with the hat was trying to light a cigarette but his fancy ass lighter was not cooperating.

"God fucking damn it" I heard him angry whisper.

"It's not fancy as yours but it works" I told him without turning to face him as I slid him my 1 dollar lighter I bought at the convenience store. I felt him turn to me, then at the lighter. He grabbed it and lit his cigarette.

"Thank you" he said, his voice was kind of deep but soft.

"You're welcome" I responded while looking at the same spot on the wall, watching the whiskey bottles in the shelves in front of me, for like an hour.

"Are you okay?" I heard him ask.

"Huh?" I answered confused, I was spacing out a lot and it was not the alcohol.

"I asked if you are okay. You've been staring at the same spot for like an hour" he said, while taking a sip of his wine glass that came from an expensive looking bottle, this man's whole attire looked expensive.

"I'm...fine I guess, I am not okay, but I am not you know, bad bad" I answered him truthfully as I sighed.

"What about you?" I asked back.

"You could say the same." he responded. We were not looking at each other, it didn't feel necessary.

"What's going on, on your side of the road?" I said trying to distract myself from my thoughts.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours" he said playfully.

"But I asked first, Mr. Cabernet" I said as I looked at the bottle they were serving him from.

"Fine, just some work issues, some product has been missing and I need to figure out if it's a mistake or if someone's stealing, and I hate to doubt my team" he answered kind of defeated.

"That sucks" was all I could tell him, I looked at him from the side of my eye, he looked tired, glass on one hand, the other one holding a cigarette, he had leather gloves on, kind of smart to smoke wearing those, skipping the smelly hands.

"I have a new job, well I have been there a month, but I am not sure how I fit in there, everyone is so good at the job and I'm just there, doing paperwork, organizing files, I came here looking for something more and I got exactly the same that I had back home." I told him with a sad smile on my face.

"I feel like a house mouse." I added.

I really did, running from here to there, not doing much and feeling small compared to everyone in the Agency.

He slid a pack of cigarettes and the lighter, I took one and lit it up. It's been a while since I smoked regularly.

"Get her a glass of wine, this is a wine conversation, not a beer one" he said to the bartender while pointing at me.

"Merlot" I said, "I'm more of a merlot woman".

"To each their own." he said.

We kept quiet for a while. I got a glass of wine and it was nice. Wine and cigarettes, I am gonna get a little buzzed tonight alright.

I saw him suddenly turn to face me, for the first time of the night, and so I did the same with a kind of surprised look on my face. He looked at me intensely, and I don't know if he noticed I was blushing, cause he is handsome, and has this serious look on his face.

"You don't look like a mouse." he said, still looking at me.

"What" I am so confused, these Yokohama men all they do is confuse me.

"You said you were a house mouse, but you don't look like it, you have the eyes of a cat" He said while looking straight at my eyes. And then I saw it, this man was buzzed. With only two glasses of wine. This is amazing.

"I don't know how to take that..." I told him while laughing a little bit.

"It's a compliment, cats eat mice, they hunt, they are intelligent, agile, and complicated, they do as they please because they can, so instead of drowning yourself in self pity, notice that you are not a mouse stuck on a trap, you are the trap" he said without looking at me this time.

"You don't know me" I said smiling not because of what he said, but because this is getting interesting.

"I know enough." he said putting his elbows on the counter and resting his head on his hands.

"You are drunk" I responded.

"And so what I am, even better, kids and drunks always tell the truth, that's the saying" he said while smiling a bit.

"You are weird" I told him, maybe I'm a little buzzed.

"So are you" he answered back.

"I like your hat". He blushed at what I said, he really must like his hat too.

"I like the white streak of your hair". He said, and I blushed. No one's ever commented on the white part of my hair, maybe because people at the Agency probably think It'll bring back memories I wish to forget, and that's true, I wear the white lock of hair like it was an ugly scar on my face.

"I have to go" I said while getting up, and looking for my purse.

"It's already paid" he said, turning his face to me and giving me a soft smile.

I kept looking at my purse and pulled out a bag with homemade cookies.

"I bake when I'm stressed so here you go, you are drunk so eat them before you go and stop drinking, so you can get home safe" I told him while giving him the bag of cookies. He looked confused and kind of shy? It was cute.

Right before I opened the door to leave I told him loudly so he could hear me.

"You are a lion, if I am a cat, you are a lion", and then I left.

Chapter Text

Another two months have passed since the drunk incident. Dazai and I were kind of ignoring it, we have never talked about anything that happened that day, and he has been kind of busy with his work and me with mine. I was now interviewing more people and giving psychological assistance to victims or people who came to the Agency for help.

I had been training with the President also, my body is full of bruises and scratches, but I enjoyed it, the President was a strict man when it came to teaching, I don't think I have grown stronger but I was hella flexible now, we were training me to fight smart not just pure force.

I also was learning from Yosano, so that I could help people when she is not there, just basic stuff like how to suture, stop bleedings, how to put an IV on or a blood transfusion, I wasn't gonna operate no one soon but I could keep them alive until she gets there.

I felt more comfortable.

I felt like I was doing things better, even the President gave me a metal staff that's retractable so I can carry it in my purse or pocket. He is going to teach me how to handle swords and small knives too. He trusts me not to get myself or other's killed so that's something.

Also now that I know how to suture, the Agency members let me practice on them, not because they trust me, but because they fear Doctor Yosano.

Everything's been fine.

I haven't seen cabernet boy for a while. I kept coming to the same bar to see if he was there but nothing much, I even asked the bartender and said he's a regular but his and my schedule don't align. I even bribed him to not say a word to the ginger man out of embarrassment.

"He has asked for you too" was all he said as he disappeared with his 20 dollar bill.

But I am a clever woman, and so we started a little game, I left things for him, he left things for me, along with notes sometimes. We left them with the bartender and picked them up when we could.

He bought me cat related things, I bought lion related things to him, I had to make him a note saying he was not allowed to buy expensive things because, man, this boy had money, and all I had is a twenty that went to the bartender.

"What am I going to get today?" I whispered to myself while looking out the window, a spot I took from Dazai. Well we shared but I had physically pushed him out of it.

"You won something?" Speaking of the devil himself, Dazai was standing in front of me casually laying on the wall looking down at me.

"Mmm mind your own business" I said as a joke.

"You've been acting weird lately" he said while turning his eyes to the window.

"Weird how?" I asked, of course I know how weird it is but I just want to know what he thinks.

"You are kind of aloof, distracted, thinking of something, I don't mean it at work, you are focused, more confident in what you do and how you do it, but there's something more going on isn't there?" He said softly but I could hear some bitterness in his voice. His eyes were dark and serious despite him wearing a friendly smile.

"Don't fucking act like this with me, Osamu" I whispered to him in a serious tone.

"I am not one of the guys you investigate, we are not in an interrogation room, so don't treat me like I'm under investigation" I got up and got out of the office, I heard him following me so I ignored him and went to the cafe downstairs.

I took a seat on one of the tables and he sat in front of me. We were just staring at each other.

"Don't you have work to do? Kunikida is gonna get pissed at you." I told him I was being sarcastic.

"Like you don't love it when he kicks my ass" he said in the same tone.

"That's no secret" I said, smiling.

"And what is?" He responded as if accusing me of something.

"Why are you being like this?" I said angrily. He was getting on my nerves.

"Why are YOU being like this? I ask you some questions, why do you keep avoiding them?" He raised his voice a little, he was getting angry too, the café owners were looking weirdly at us, well at Dazai, he doesn't get angry, he is just the goofy, lazy and carefree man that never pays his bill.

"I don't owe you an explanation about everything I do!" Now I was raising my voice.

"Oh but you do~, guess who is the one that asked the Agency to take you in? It was my egoist whim that allowed you to be a free woman, don't you forget that" he said bitterly looking at me as if he hates me.

I felt my heart drop to my stomach, and my eyes were filling up with tears. I stood up, grabbed my bag and headed to the door.

"Were the fuck do you think you are going? I never said this conversation is over." He said raising his voice, and I ignored him.

"That's enough, Dazai-san, stay to finish your tea and calm down" I heard the owner's wife tell Dazai, and I left.

I messaged Atsushi telling him I was not feeling well and I was going home, he got worried but he always is.

I didn't go home. I went to the bar, Cabernet was not there but that was alright, I needed just a place to cool down.

"He left you something" the bartender said while giving me a small notebook with kittens on the cover. It was childish but cute. I smiled and put it in my purse.

"I couldn't bring him something today" I said sadly.

"I'm sure he'll understand" he said while cleaning some glasses and giving me a glass of water.

I wrote him a note, from the notebook he gave me.

「Tomorrow at 8 pm, the park around the corner, if you don't come you'll shrink 5 cm, this is a legitimate curse.

-Merlot」

And then I went home, I cried all the way, Dazai is right and I hate it when he is, not the part were I have to explain myself to him, but the part that I only got away with murder because of him, if he hadn't troubled himself with helping me and making deals, I would probably be locked up.

I entered my apartment and I noticed a figure on the sofa, I carefully took out my stuff and opened it, and man, I swung.

Only for it to be Dazai and he just casually dodge it, I still pointed my staff at him, now just standing in the middle of my sad living room.

"What the fuck are you doing here and how did you get it?" I screamed at him.

"I am good with my hands" he said with a dumb smile on his face and wiggling his fingers.

"No, you are not getting away with being mean this time, get out" I said lowering the staff and pressing the button for it to retract.

"I'm here on business, so let's go, you are driving us somewhere" He said, still smiling at me like he hadn't just told me some horrible things before.

"It's really Agency business" he said looking at me.

I sighed and followed him to the door. He threw me the keys so I could drive, respecting the deal that I will always drive, he gave me some directions and we ended up at a desolate part of the city, nothing much just a place full of junk and trash.

"Why the fuck are we here?" I asked him.

"I'm going to teach you how to shoot a gun." he said while pulling one out of his trenchcoat and playing with it like it was a toy.

"No" I said before returning to the car.

" President's orders♪︎" he sang and I stopped walking, I was a pretty responsible person. I couldn't just ignore my boss orders and not finish a job. I hate it here.

"Good girl" he said as he watched me turn around and walk to him.

I didn't respond, if we are here on business I'll keep it like it, no small chat no nothing, he can rot.

I saw him line up some objects on the top of a trashed car. Then checking the gun to see it had enough bullets. I could see him look at me from time to time but he didn't say anything.

"You ready?" He asked as he walked up to me.

"Sure." I said, flipping him off.

"Uuuh it's getting cold or is it just you and your attitude?" He said sarcastically, hugging himself.

"Okay, here's how it's gonna go, I'll give you the gun, you aim and take the safety off and just shoot! We'll see from there" he gave me the gun as if it was a piece of paper, should he be teaching me this?

He walked and positioned himself behind me, way too close.

I inspected the gun, it was heavier than I expected, I have never used one in my life, in my country guns aren't for civilian use, only for police force and military.

"Don't be scared of it, look at it as your staff, it's used to defend yourself and others, and the point of you learning how to shoot is so you can aim right and only cause non life threatening injuries" he said reading my worried expression.

I don't like guns, I think they are too impersonal, once you pull the trigger the bullet leaves and hurts everything on its path. They feel too cold, too violent. But Dazai was right, I should be able to use one if there was an emergency, hell the presence of a gun can be imposing, stop situations before they happen.

So I raised my arm and secured the base of the gun with my other hand, and took a deep breath and tried to aim for the one in the center.

"Okay, take the safety off, just like in the movies, breathe, and then, shoot" he whispered almost in my ear. And I just did what he told me to do.

I missed.

"Well, not bad, you missed just for a little bit, I have definitely seen worse". He laughed.

"So how do I fix it" I was concentrating on having a poker face expression.

"You are too tense, you need to relax, you are gripping the handle too hard and it's making you shake" he said laying his back on another car closing his eyes and sighing.

"Is something bothering you?" He said with a sly grin and opened just one eye.

"That's it, I'm trading my one punch ticket" I put the gun on top of the car with the cans, turned to face him and charged at him.

I threw a punch but he dodge it, making me hit the window of the car that was already busted. I could feel small pieces of glass get in my knuckles but I didn't care. He looked at me with a wild look on his face, a combination of surprise and excitement.

We both stood our ground and were standing like 2 meters away from each other.

"Are we seriously gonna do this?" He asked, his eyes glowing red and a smirk on his lips.

I didn't answer I just charged again, he is taller than me and probably stronger, and the President's voice rang in my head "smarter not stronger", so I raised my fist and as soon as he tried to dodge I turned so both of my hands were on the ground and I raised my leg kicking him straight in the face. He tumbled to the side, he raised his head, blood dripping on his lips.

"Yes we are" I said standing up.

This time he charged at me, he fucking swing at me. I don't know why I was surprised I started this fight, I dodged it but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him raising his knee and hitting me in the stomach.

"Let's end this and keep with our practice, pretty eyes" he said, letting go of my arm.

So I took his knee and pushed forward, using my weight and his bad stance to tackle him down. He fell on his back and I straddled him and punched him straight in the face with all my force.

My knuckles hurt, he didn't react, he just looked at me with a bloody nose and bruised eye. I raised my fist as to punch him again but I just stopped.

"Do it, finish the job darling, hit me again and again, until you can look at me again without hating me" he said softly.

And I did, but this time I punched him lightly on the chest, not doing any damage. I didn't even realize I was crying until I saw the small droplets wet his shirt and vest.

"I regret making you feel sad" he continued talking. I just kept hitting him softly.

"I didn't mean for you to cry" he whispered.

"I want you to forgive me so we can bother each other tomorrow, so that I can steal the cookies you bring to Atsushi and yet give me one out of the packet you bring for yourself just because I asked you for one." He had his eyes closed by now.

"I want you to scream at me because my reports are messy, but still help me correct them. I want you to keep bearing with my bullshit. I want to keep getting away with abusing your kindness". I stopped hitting him and looked at him. The bruised now looking reddish purple, blood down his nose, busted lip. This is horrible, I moved some of the strands of hair that were on his face, and cupped his face with my hands.

"Why do you do this? Why did you push me so that I ended physically assaulting you, just so I can forgive you? Can't you just say you're sorry, you know, talk!" My voice was breaking a little.

"I don't just punish others when they don't do what I like, I also punish myself when I act in a way I don't want" he was looking at me with a tired expression on his face.

"I won't fall for this another time, this is the last time you use me to punish yourself, next time you will have to talk to me, and buy me a big cake with the word "sorry" on it" I said smiling at him.

"Fine, but I'll get my punishment elsewhere, you aren't fixing anything, you aren't fixing me" he looked at me sadly, if I didn't know better, I would say he looked like he was about to cry.

"For now, I am a stubborn woman, I always get what I want too you know" said in a half joking and half serious tone.

He raised himself with his elbows, getting his face close to mine. I did damage, and I feel bad.

"We'll see about that, honeybear" he said, winking at me. I pushed him back down putting my hand on his face.

I got off him and tried to take the dust off my clothes using my hands. He stood up and did the same. He looked at me and then started to laugh maniacally.

"I can't believe you fucking beat the shit out of me, the President be training you really good, you carry a mean punch" he said between laughs.

"Stop laughing, this is serious, I am so sorry and I shouldn't have done that, just stop" but I was laughing too. I beat the shit out of Dazai Osamu, it's kind of bizarre to be honest.

"Now, let's continue" he said, handing me another gun. Where do they keep coming from?

The rest of the night was calm, I got better at shooting, it seems that I was indeed tense, I didn't get all the cans all the time but I did mostly 3/5 all the time.

We sang on the drive home, we even go to get some hamburgers in a spot that Dazai knew, everyone looked at us weirdly since he had a black eye and busted lip, and me well, busted knuckles, he keeps threatening me to tell the people eating there that I assaulted him if I didn't give him some of my fries.

"So, your hypothesis about why I wear bandages over my body, did I give you enough of a hint for you to stop wondering?" Dazai said while stealing some of my fries.

"I guess, I wanted to be wrong tho" I said sadly and gave him a soft smile. He just took my hand and squeezed it.

I drove to my apartment and gave Dazai the keys, he left driving horribly and like a maniac. I changed and washed my face and went to sleep.

This man was an enigma to me.

Chapter Text

My right knuckles hurt so bad. I never took the glass shards out of them yesterday so I'm stuck doing that today re-opening the wounds.

I slept in, watched some netflix and read a little bit. It was a nice evening, Dazai called me a few times, asking how I was and what I was doing, he never did that. Our relationship was work only, sure he pestered me but on work hours only, today is a Saturday, they gave me the day off since I finished all the office work that needed to be done anyways.

I talked to him for a while, I even put him on speaker while folding some laundry and he kept telling me how Kunikida was annoying him and how he was so bored at work without me, simply over exaggerating but it was funny, we laughed a lot, seems like things are getting back to normal, even better than normal.

I was feeling kind of happy so I wore a pretty lavender tennis skirt and a loose white sweater tucked in, I did my makeup and even put glittery eyeshadow. I looked in the mirror and smiled softly, I can go back to being myself. I can do this.

I walked to the park and sat on a bench waiting to see if Cabernet showed up. I knew it was a shot in the dark and I was prepared for it, I took a book out of my purse and began to read. The weather was nice and I was finally feeling in control of myself.

Suddenly a pair of expensive shoes were standing in front of me, I smiled and looked up.

"Sorry I'm late" the man with a fancy hat said as he pulled down the book I was reading, he had a smirk on his face.

"That's fine, I wasn't sure you were gonna come" I said softly and moved a little to the right so he could sit down beside me.

"After you fucking cursed me? No way I'm shrinking 5 centimeters" he whispered the last part. And I laughed.

"It's not funny, I was cursed before and it became a reality! Not happening to be again" he said seriously while looking at me, I was laughing uncontrollably now, he looked so scared about getting shorter.

"Fine fine" I took his face with my hands and said, "I cancel any and all curses imposed on this pretty man, wooosh". I even closed my eyes and hummed. I felt a weird sensation on my fingers, like electricity, but I ignored it, maybe it was static.

His face felt hot so I let go of him and noticed he was blushing.

"You okay?" I asked him, it was not hot, actually it was kind of cold.

"Yeah, I was just surprised" he said, not looking at me.

"So how have you been? It's been a while since I last saw you" I asked him while taking out a flask out of my purse and handed it to him. He just lifted an eyebrow but took the fast and took a sip.

"Well, busy with work, I had to slip out for this, apparently I am in a meeting right now with a possible client" he said laughing.

"I mean I have like 10 dollars in my purse, you can have them if you want" I said laughing and taking a sip of the flask. I love tequila.

"I hate tequila" he said, and I was shook.

"Whaaat? Tequila is the best liquor, it taste nice, gets the job done and depending on the quality and brand, you can skip hangovers" I said like I was tequila's personal lawyer.

"Wine is better, or whiskey" he said mockingly yet taking the flask out of my hand and taking a sip.

"I am revoking your drinking privileges" I reached out for the flask as he pulled it away so I wouldn't take it, I stretched to grab it making us get way too close. He smelled nice, strong wood like cologne but not too strong, kind of fresh too.

"What the fuck happened to your hand?" He asked as he grabbed my right hand with his free hand, inspecting my knuckles and looking me in the eye.

"Uuuuuh, it's an embarrassing story I'd rather not talk about that", I pulled my hand out of his grip and kind of hid it.

"Did someone hurt you? Are you hurt?" He turned to face me with a worried look on his face. I looked away, it's embarrassing.

"Yo, look at me, tell me what the fuck happened that looks fresh, did someone tried something while you were waiting-" I took the flask out of his hand while he was talking and took a big swing.

"I beat the shit out of someone" I said, rapidly raising my voice. I took another sip of liquor. Jeez, what if he thinks I'm a thug, problematic, what if he thinks I'm in the fucking mafia.

"What" he looked confused.

"I beat the shit out of someone because well they got on my nerves and they kind of deserve it but now I feel bad about it, I am embarrassed" I said defeated.

"So the cat got claws, huh" he said with a big grin on his face and I raised an eyebrow.

"So, I tell you that I physically assaulted someone, and all you do is smile at me? Are you drunk already?" I said while looking confused.

"I mean if they were messing with you that's on them for being jumped, and it's good that you took care of it, was it a creepy neighbor or something?" He said as he took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair, this man is very attractive and the tequila is not helping.

"It was a coworker" I whispered and he looked a little shocked.

"In my defense, they are always teasing me we actually fight a lot, but always end up forgiving each other, only this time they said some hurtful things and then poked the cat I guess, claws did come out" I tried to justify my actions so he wouldn't think I'm crazy.

"Did the person get your point? Are you going to be fine?" He said looking at me still with his head thrown back, I want to count his freckles.

"I think so, I hope so" I said softly and I reached for his hat and put it on, it was a little too big for me, he just smiled at me as I smiled back.

"They better, if not give me a call and I'll fucking end them for you" he said with a determined look in his eye, as if he was not joking.

"You? Pfff even I could take you on little lion man, I'll probably beat the shit out of you" I said smugly while flickering the hat up so it wouldn't cover my eyes.

"Wanna fucking go, princess?" His eyes were locked to mine, he was smirking and so was I, he was drunk and I was tipsy, I should go home.

"I don't wanna ruin my new found friendship" I said taking off the hat but then feeling a hand on top of it pushing it down.

"Keep it, I have like a hundred more" he said while looking the other way.

"You have a problem, you should see a specialist about that" I teased him but secured the hat on my head.

"I should go, it's getting late" I said looking at my feet.

"I can walk you home if you like." he said while standing up. And I gave him a sad smile and he understood that I'll be walking alone.

I liked Cabernet but this friendship has to stay this way. I don't know who he is, I work for the Armed Detective Agency, what they do brings a lot of trouble and most cases are confidential so it was better this way. Me not knowing his name or he does and him knowing nothing about me also.

"Hey, how am I going to tell you if I need you to end someone?" I asked hoping he would understand.

"Easy, give me your phone" I passed him my phone and he added his contact info and sent himself a message.

"If you need anything, you can give me a call or message me" he smirked at me, I went through my bag and gave him some cookies I had made beforehand.

"Eat, you are drunk" I said, giving him a soft smile.

"Text me when you are home" he said as he turned around.

As I walked back home I adjusted the hat on top of my head and I thought, maybe I can make a home out of this town.

Chapter Text

Turns out, using swords and knives is more difficult than it seems. This has been my fourth time stabbing myself in the hand, good thing Yosano is always near, even though I need to get stabbed again so she can heal me, I have gotten used to it, pain is just pain and it's bearable when it is only for a second.

I have been going out a lot more, to the movies, to cafés, shopping, everywhere. I often go places with Atsushi since he didn't really have a childhood so I like seeing him get excited over those kinds of things, Dazai often tagged along.

We have been talking often and just hanging out, we go eating together, he takes me for ice cream when he steals Kunikida's wallet, it has been peaceful.

I talked to Cabernet a lot. We texted and every other night we called each other and talked about how our day was. It was interesting having a friend that wasn't from the Agency, it makes me feel normal, like nothing ever happened to me, like I didn't kill two people, like I had a normal job and normal coworkers.

"We should go eat sometime." he said over the line, as I was doing some laundry and reading over a case file that I stole from the Agency, we weren't supposed to take them home, but I figured out that if I get caught, I'll blame Dazai.

"Like for some taquitos?" I asked him. I have taken him to a taco street cart that was near the bar we often go to, he was plastered and then resurrected by the hand of taquitos.

"No, somewhere nice, I'll pay" he said, ending with a little chuckle.

"I'm not sure I fit somewhere nice" I laughed, but I didn't feel like laughing, I really believe my statement, I didn't grow up around money, my family is of the low side of the middle class, and knowing the man I am talking to, he goes to the restaurants where they put gold on your food.

"That's not true, you will do just fine, just let me take you somewhere where we don't have to eat standing up" he whined.

"It's part of the culinary experience, you are so ungrateful" I said sarcastically.

"It's not up for discussion, just get on with it." he said firmly.

"Jeez, okay little lion man whatever you say" I responded.

"I'll pick you up from the usual bar Friday at 8, how's that sound?" He asked.

I ended up agreeing, we talked for a bit but then hung up. What the fuck am I gonna wear?

Today was Thursday and I kept thinking about what I was gonna wear tomorrow, also, will I be getting in his car? What if he drives horribly like Dazai? We have only known each other for like four months, is it really safe? I mean right now there are more knives in my body than rings on my fingers but still I-

"I can hear you think and it's messing my nap" Dazai said whining, he gets grumpy when they don't let him nap.

"I have told you a million times that's not possible, and that it's you snooping on my business" I barked back.

"And I have told you I am special and a genius so I have developed a super hearing power that allows me to hear thoughts" he said standing up on the couch and going to my desk sitting on the edge of it. Atsushi rolled his eyes at the stupid remarks of the one he admires.

"I think you should get medicated, some antipsychotics should help with that" I said sarcastically while reading some papers.

"Ha ha , you are so funny, what if I was suicidal and that was my 13th reason?" He said faking to be hurt.

"You already are suicidal, and you can't commit suicide until we do it together ok? Just hang in there, drink some sake, be a good boy and wait for me to get tired of life" I said with a playful tone, suddenly he hugged me from behind and took my hand, intertwining his pinky with mine.

"It's a promise dear" he whispered.

And I threw my head back with force hitting him in the face.

"Don't be creepy in front of everyone in the office!" I yelled at him while he held his nose, I think it was bleeding.

"So he can be creepy in private with you?" asked Rampo out of nowhere.

"What? No, that's uh, what I meant was-" I was caught off guard.

"They act like this in the office and can't imagine what they'll do outside." said Yosano, backing up the chaos that Rampo started.

"Wait a minute, no, why are you guys-" I was drowning in shame.

"Can't believe she would be like this, I mean I expect it from Dazai but her? Amazing honestly" Kunikida said, he was joining this nonsense???

"I just ignore them really, whenever we go out they just keep being weird, I fake I dont know them sometimes" Atsushi said seriously but I could see him holding back a laugh.

I turned to face Dazai, my eyes screaming ' please do something about this'.

"I told you I was not gonna be the only fuck up" he sang as he put his arm around my shoulder pulling me close.

"You guys are mean and keep forgetting I have killed two men and now I am heavily armed." My tone was low and chilling, I was joking of course.

"Get in line honey, we have all done questionable things" Yosano responded while eating a cookie Rampo gave her.

In defeat I went to grab a coffee downstairs.

"So, what was on your mind earlier?” Dazai was sitting in front of me holding a teacup.

"Oh, I have dinner tomorrow but I don't know what to wear" I said casually.

"A dinner huh, is it a date?" He asked in a weird tone, between curiosity and hostility.

"No, it's just friendly, I think" There he goes, messing with my mind. The whole thing with Cabernet has been friendly, we talk and message a lot, and sure sometimes we compliment each other but as friends.

"Oh, so you are doubting now, is he a male friend" he said slyly, I call this side of Dazai, "the fox" very tricky, he tries to make you slip and fall, tumble your words so he can get information. So I had two options, be truthful and see where it takes me, or lie and get him angry.

"So what if he is a male friend?" I went with the truth, I got nothing to hide.

He made a weird face, a glimpse of anger passed his eyes and then they were emotionless.

"Oh, nothing about it, just be careful, you don't know what intentions they may have" he said maliciously, "people can be very dangerous you know?" He added.

"I don't think I have ever met a person more dangerous than you" I looked him in the eye, he stared at me with surprise and laughed.

"You sure are quick with your remarks, plus, I am an angel" he said, holding his hands together as praying.

"So was Lucifer" I said, sipping my coffee and looking away.

He got up and got closer to me.

"If I am Lucifer, you are Lilith, stop faking saint, you aren't exactly Eve " he whispered.

I just smiled to myself, he was right.

• ●●

I ended up just wearing a black dress, it was kind of skin tight but was all I had that looked remotely formal. I did my make up on the classic side but added a little bit of red eyeliner to make it pop.

Now I couldn't make up my mind about it. Should I wear heels? My little lion man was like 3 cm taller than me, I have some black heels that are pretty small, and if I don't wear heels I only have converse, and I don't think they will let me enter a fancy restaurant with those.

So I called Atsushi up.

"What do you think? How would you feel if the person accompanying you was taller than you? Keeping in mind height is a big deal for you" I asked him while standing in the sad living room, he was just looking at me bored and confused.

"Are you going on a date?" He asked.

"I'm just going out with a friend" I answered.

"Is it a male friend?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes and it's not a big deal" what's with all these questions.

"Does Dazai-san know?" He asked with a worried expression.

"Yes, I told him yesterday, but why does it matter if he knows or not?" I asked him firmly.

"Nothing, nothing, I was just wondering if he knew you were dating someone" he said while holding his chin with this hand thinking.

"This is not a date" I said frustrated.

"Then why are you stressing about shoes? Does your date know it's not a date? That'll hurt him more than some height difference" he said sarcastically. One thing I loved about Atsushi-kun is that he is quite sarcastic and clever, but I don't like it when it's used against me.

"Okay out, you're acting like Dazai, all smug and sarcastic, good-bye" I said, and he went.

♤♤♤♤

It's 8:45 pm, Cabernet isn't here yet, I texted him when I arrived at the bar but so far no reply.

The bartender has given me two free drinks so far as he keeps telling me, "he'll come don't worry" as if I have been ghosted. I mean, it's not a big deal, this is not a date, I dressed up because I wanted to, not because I wanted to see me and compliment how the white streak of my hair stands out from the black and red that's on my makeup.

I rested my forehead on the counter. I felt bad? I took out my cell phone, looking at the messages on the contact "little lion man", then I switched to "lucifer". Is it really the time to make a deal with the devil?.

"I am so sorry, this will never happen again" a voice rang behind me. I turned around with a bored expression on my face.

There he was, his attire was different, a burgundy dress shirt, a slim tie on his neck, black trousers and coat. The hat on his head was just a little different, it had no chain and it matched his shirt.

"You look lovely" he said looking at my figure, "I like the make up, it looks nice with the white of your hair" he said moving the strand of my hair out of my face.

"Two different desserts, I am ordering two desserts instead of one" was all I told him before standing up.

"If you asked me to buy you the whole restaurant I would" he said, giving me his arm to take, and I did.

He was acting like a proper gentleman, he open the door of his car so I would get in, told me where we were going, put the GPS on the screen so I could see, his car was luxurious, I don't know much about cars but I know this one costs more than me and my family's organs together.

The restaurant was indeed fancy, we had a reservation under a name I couldn't hear, or I didn't want to, I've been liking this life of mystery.

I started to observe Cabernet, the way he carried himself, the way he spoke, how his hands were always in his pockets, how he smirked at me whenever he noticed me looking at him. This man has known both loss and victory in his life, but probably less defeat by the confidence he walked with. He looked at me as if he could break me, as if I was a piece in a museum. He got close but never over the drawn line.

Did I want him to cross the line?

We got seated on a beautiful table, far from the other people. He ordered some wine, two bottles, one Cabernet the other Merlot.

We ordered some fancy pasta and drank the wine while we waited. The atmosphere was different between us, more intense?

Or was it the words of my coworkers echoing in the back of my head?

Is it a date?

I ain't so lucky. That was my answer. I looked at him, he was talking about how some coworkers were not following orders but he didn't want to reprehen them, because it was his bad leadership that maybe made them act that way.

His serious gaze, the way he always said what he meant, his freckles shining under the dim light, the masculine way he carried himself.

"You are the opposite" I whispered without knowing.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Uh… nothing, I got distracted." I said embarrassed. He was the opposite of Osamu, who never said what he meant, tricky, making his way around things, never directly.

I tried to keep up with the dinning event. It's not that I didn't enjoy it, it was that I wondered, is this a date? Did I want it to be?

I saw him trying to read to me the whole night, I ordered two desserts and ate most of them. He said some jokes and I laughed, our feet and legs constantly crashing under the table.

"Let's go to the park" I told him out of nowhere, I didn't even know why I said it.

"Whatever you want, I'll get it princess" he said looking at me weirdly, with a sad smile.

The drive was silent, I felt like a teenager riding in the cool boy's car. He would often check on me turning casually, I was just looking outside the window looking at the stars.

We got to the park and he opened the door for me. He walked me to the bench we sat a while ago and both of us took a seat. We didn't look at each other, we both threw our heads back and looked at the stars.

"We can't keep doing this" he whispered.

"I can't keep doing this" he said.

"Why not?" I said sadly, I knew the answer, for some time now.

I felt his hand reach out to mine and interviewed his fingers with mine, gloved hands against skin.

"I want to know about you, who you are, what you do, your name, your story, I want to be closer to you" he said squeezing my hand, I felt the weight of reality crush me.

"And I know I can't, you won't let me in, and I won't risk you to get close to me either" he said.

"I don't want to lose you, you are my best friend" I told him without letting go of his hand.

"You don't know my name" he answered.

"But I know your favorite color, and how you can't trust most people because you have been betrayed before, I know how you like your coffee and the shows you hate I-"

"Kitten, let's stop this" he said softly.

I'm glad he wasn't looking at me because I felt like crying. The fantasy of a normal life broke in front of me. What was I thinking? A killer can't have casual friends, they can't date, they can't have families.

"Was this a date?" I asked him.

"If you wanted it to be" he answered.

"I didn't do a good job did I?" I said sadly.

"You did great, so great that I had to be reminded that I can't have everything I want" he said, now turning to me, he lifted his hand and caressed my cheek with one gloved finger.

"Can't you keep being my best friend and scold me when I forget to make lunch or say something inappropriate? Can't we just stay as we are now?" I whispered.

"I can't. You are a hurricane I can't sit through, so It's best I just stay away for a while" he said sadly.

"I'll be leaving the country for a month on a business trip, how about we see how we feel after I come back?" Defeated look on his eyes.

"Seems like I dont have much of a choice" I smiled softly.

"I'm going to miss you, take care and good luck on the business trip" I said standing up ready to leave and go to my apartment and think about how life is unfair.

He stood up too but pulled me into a hug, I hugged back and closed my eyes for a second. It's better off this way, I can't bring him into the life of chaos of my past and the Agency, he deserves a normal life, I tried to convince myself.

We let go and went our separate ways.

I opened the apartment and the Devil was watching TV on my living room, he turned around and look at me, cold gaze turned into confusion when I just threw my purse on the floor, took off my shoes, and I started to cry, a soft cry, like when you can't control the tears from falling from your eyes but you aren't sobbing.

I walked to the couch and sat down, looking at the TV, he was watching Friends, we didn't say a word for a while, he put an arm around me and pulled me to him, I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Did he hurt you?" He was being serious, the scary type.

"No, I hurt myself thinking I could go back to normal, that's all" I said softly. I heard him sighed, as if he was holding back from saying something.

He took a pillow, put it on his lap and pushed me down so I could lay my head on his lap while watching TV. I didn't fight it, I was tired, and he kept playing with my hair. I stopped crying and was just watching the show.

☆☆☆

I woke up and the TV was still on, I was still laying on Dazai's lap, I turned around to see him, he was asleep, he looked uncomfortable.

I looked for my phone, 3:56 am, it was late and we had work tomorrow. I sat up carefully so I wouldn't scare him.

"Hey, we fell asleep, wake up" I whispered, shaking his shoulder a little.

"Mmmmm five more minutes" he said, still with his eyes closed.

"You have to go home, we have work tomorrow" I said stretching.

"Ughhh that's too far" he whined while kicking his feet like a little kid. "Can't I just stay here?" He asked me giving me big puppy eyes.

"Ugh fine" I said standing up so I could walk to my room.

"Can I sleep on your bed?" He said, turning his head to see me from the couch. I threw my slipper at him, it did hit him.

"You gotta stop breaking into my apartment!" I screamed while opening my bedroom door and going to bed.

Chapter Text

I smell burning.

I stood up and ran to the kitchen. Dazai was wearing my cooking apron on and was holding a cooking pan that was on fire? He looked confused and annoyed.

"What are you doing there, guapo?" I said laughing, he looked pissed that I was laughing at him.

"I wanted to make pancakes" he said, frowning and looking at the burnt pancake.

"I'll do them, you can make chocolate milk" I said, grabbing the pan from him and putting it in the stove after throwing the burnt one in the trash.

It was 7:00 am, we were going to be late.

We ate watching TV, Dazai was already ignoring Kunikida's calls, they didn't really bothered me, even when I'm a little late, Kunikida doesn't freak out, "you're responsible, you'll get the job done even if you are late", was his answer when I asked him.

"I'm going to take a shower, so if you wanna go to your apartment and do the same just close the door on the way out" I stood up and walked towards the bathroom.

"Nah, I'll do the dishes and wait for you to come out so I can shower too" he said casually, taking the dishes and putting them on the sink, then headed to the closet that was beside the bathroom and took out a bag, with his clothes I supposed, and he just grinned at me.

"What? When did you-? You know what, we'll talk about this later" I said in defeat, this man really does what he wants.

It's weird not having a message or call from Cabernet. I'm still sad about it, I didn't want things to go this way, but I have to respect his decision, even though it sucks.

Dazai came out of the bathroom, his hair wet and sticking to his face, shirt undone, but with a fresh set of bandages around his body.

"I can't believe you don't have a hairdryer, what do you do when it's cold outside?" He said while buttoning his shirt.

"I just let it air dry, it's better for your hair" I responded trying not to look at him, he was getting way too comfortable with me, but not enough to show me whats under those bandages, I thought to myself.

"What are you thinking about, princess? Is it something dirty?" He said mischievously.

"Don't call me princess" was all I told him, the little lion man called me that and it felt weird coming out of Dazai's mouth. He raised an eyebrow, then looked up, then to the side, and then looked emotionless. He made his deduction and was probably right. Hate being around detectives, they figure everything out.

"Fine, but he doesn't get to call you any of the names I call you" he whispered kind of angrily, taking his coat off the rack and walking to the entrance.

"That's no problem, we are not gonna talk anymore, so let's just drop it" I said while walking down the stairs, he didn't say anything. We just walked peacefully to the Agency.

As soon as we got inside the office together, I could feel the stares, they were always snooping around, and if I turned to face one of the detectives they would just turn around, cowards.

Dazai ignored it but I could see he was enjoying the attention and the speculations they were making.

"Why is everyone looking at you guys weirdly?" Kenji asked us.

"Kenji! We told you to not say anything! Said Atsushi.

"So did you guys fuck?" Yosano said, painting his nails on Rampo's desk while he eats some chips.

I felt the blood run to my face and my ears hot, I ain't a prude, I am an adult woman, I have had sex, it's a normal part of life, but thinking about having sex, with Dazai? He is way out of my league, I hate his guts most of the time, he is annoying and sketchy, and crazy, but even I can't deny he is attractive, like magazine type of hot.

"Ew" was all that left my mouth and I don't even know why, Dazai looked so offended it was funny.

"What do you mean ew, I am pretty cute!" He yelled at me pouting and pointing at his face.

"You are not exactly my type" I played along to see what kind of reaction I could get from him.

"Oh yeah? So what's your type?" He asked, annoyed.

"Mmmm, sensitive, funny, I like intelligence, people who worry about others, I like short men and tall women, don't know why, so don't ask, I like freckles, reliable people…" I rambled while looking at the ceiling.

"Short men?" Dazai asked dumbfounded.

"You like women?" Asked Kunikida surprised.

"That's a bisexual if I have ever seen one" Yosano said pointing at me.

"Knew since day one" Rampo said.

"Yeah Kunikida keep up, what kind of detective are you?" Said Dazai and Kunikida looked troubled by his 'incompetence'.

"I like what I like" I said, stealing a potato chip from Rampo.

"So what's yours?" I asked Dazai.

"I like all types of women" he said carefree.

"That's reasonable" I said and Yosano nodded.

"So you didn't answer the question, did you or did you not fuck?" Yosano asked again, eyeing both of us.

"He ain't that lucky" I said as Rampo passed me a bag of chips so I wouldn't steal his own.

"Pff, you would be the lucky one honey" he said rolling his eyes.

" Ugh the curse has not been lifted then" Rampo lamented whispering to Yosano.

" We will still have to live with the sexual tension between those two" she whispered back

"I can hear you " I whispered to both of them.

"We don't care" they both whispered to me at the same time.

◇◇◇

It was a lazy day, I ended up helping Kenji with a case. They were trusting me more with going in the field, I got better at handling knives without stabbing myself, I started having target practice with Kunikida instead of Dazai because we ended up gossiping or going for ice cream instead of practicing.

I like working with Kenji, he is a nice and kind boy, but I didn't like that he had to starve himself to work and be prepared to fight.

"You should eat" I told him, handing him a chocolate chip granola bar I had in my purse. He looked at it suspiciously, I could hear his stomach rumble.

"Nope, it's fine, I need to be prepared to protect you if needed" he said smiling.

"Adults protect kids, I am the adult, you are the kid, now eat the granola bar or I won't lend you my laptop so you can play The Legend of Zelda" I said seriously and pushed the granola bar into his hand.

He started eating it and I kept interviewing some people, good thing that Kenji has a reputation so that's enough for people to answer questions.

So we got the hideout of some gang that has been vandalizing and making stores pay for protection.

"Yeah we got the address, so can you send Atsushi or-" I was cut off on the phone.

"They are all on missions so you and Kenji will finish the job alone" Kunikida said over the line and I started to sweat. I broke the rule feeding Kenji, and now he is just a normal teenage boy, how are we going to arrest a whole gang?

"So Kenji, I fucked up and now we have to make a plan on how to take down a big ass gang, you ready?" I said laughing nervously, he looked guilty.

"It's not your fault, it's on me and I will figure it out" I said thinking while standing outside a lone abandoned bodega.

"Okay honey listen, I am gonna go in,  you are gonna wait 15 minutes, if I am not out in 15 you will call Dazai from my phone and tell him to come get us, don't worry I will be fine, I have been trained by the President and by Kunikida, also kind of by Dazai, so I fight my way out or trick my way out" I told him reassuringly, he didn't look that happy about my plan, I kissed his forehead and walked toward the entrance.

I knocked and two men opened the door and looked at me confused but smugly.

"You lost sweetheart?" One of them said.

"Not really, I want to talk to your boss, or leader or whatever" I said uninterested, it's highly unlikely they will see me as threatening.

"Sure thing honey, come in" they said opening the door, men can be really stupid when feeling superior.

There were about 25 men from various ages in the place, there was a man sitting in the middle on top of some boxes. He looked at me smugly and I hate it.

"What is a girl like you doing here?" He asked me to come down to floor level.

"So, what kind of gang are you? Do you have pride and honor left? Are you real men?" I said, raising an eyebrow. It struck a nerve as expected.

"Of course we are real men you stupid bitch, we are old school" he raised his voice.

"So, if I challenge you and win, will everyone here be my bitch? And if I lose, I would be yours I guess. So, do you trust your leader or you doubt him?" I said, smiling sweetly.

Everyone started to laugh, this is perfect. If I can pull this off Kunikida won't yell at me or Kenji, I can't take all of them at the same time, but challenging the leader and getting everyone to stay put until Dazai gets here should be fine. I know how to fight, I only get my ass kicked 7 out of times when I fight the President so, this should be easy, I hope.

"Fine by me! Just know that you won't like being our bitch" he said getting closer to me as the other men started to make a circle around us and cheered.

"Okay, whoever quits or passes out loses, now…Ready, set, go!" Someone else said.

The leader, tall, kind of heavy built, confident. Has a lot of scars on the left side of his face and arms. He took a swing at me, he is left-handed.

I barely dodged it, he is fast.

He kept swinging left, left, right, a step back and then a kick. His hits sound heavy, it would be a problem if I get punched.

"Scared now princess?" He said and I got angry.

Left, left, right and then, kick.

I took a step to the side as he kicked, grabbed his folded arm and pushed him down using his own momento from the kick. He fell face first since I got a hold of his arm and pinned it back.

"I ain't no princess, but I can make men bow down" I said while holding him down. I knew it was not gonna be enough to get him to surrender but I just wanted him to shut up.

And It was a mistake, he stood up and looked at me differently, he was going easy on me, he had a serious look on his face and was more observant in the way I moved.

He ran to me and suddenly stopped, he turned and positioned himself behind me, before I could do anything he took one of my arms and kicked me in the back of the knee making me kneel.

"Who's bowing now" he whispered to me, and I used it to my advantage, throwing my head back with force and hitting him in the face.

I stood up and side-whip kicked him in the face. I had to jump a little, resting some force. He fell and spit blood on the floor he turned and gave me an angry and crazy look.

He ran and threw a kick and then a punch, my footing wasn't secured so I couldn't dodge the punch, it hurt like hell, but pain is just pain, so I immediately took his arm pulled him to me and kicked him in the stomach and then smashed his head in my knee for at least 3 times repeatedly. I felt amazing. I felt powerful.

I pushed him away with a side kick, he tripped and fell on his back, he didn't stand up, so I just walked to where he was and put my foot on his neck pressing slowly.

The room was silent.

"Surrender" I told him firmly. He grabbed my ankle and tried to lift it from his throat but gravity was on my side.

"You'll pass out in 30 seconds, take your pride and surrender, it was a good fight" I said while putting more pressure on him. He looked frustrated and angry, but also defeated.

He finally tapped the floor three times with his hand and I lifted my foot. He stood there and I just looked at everyone, they looked shocked and angry and confused.

"How dare you play dirty like that to our boss" a voice behind me said and and heard footsteps, I don't know why but I didn't move, and I was hit with a glass bottle in the back of the head, I felt the shards and blood dripping in my head and hair.

I just moved forward and got up to the boxes the boss was at when I arrived. No other word was spoken, and I just waited there, sitting down with my legs swinging off the edge.

The door finally opened up.

"You're late" I said as the scrawny handsome detective entered the place practically skipping.

"I think you did just fine" he said, smirking and looking up to me and winking.

"I am tired, I'll leave the rest to you" I said, jumping down and walking past him, he put his hand on my head and I flinched. I forgot it got hit in the head.

"Ew, you should check that out" he said looking at the blood that was on his hand and bandages.

I ignored him and walked to the leader who was still laying down.

"Thank you for fighting me, you did great, we should do it another time when you get out of jail" I told him crutching down so he could hear me, and then I left.

Cops were outside, Kenji had a worried look on his eyes when he saw me, and I just gave a thumbs up and walked to the ambulance to get checked.

Needless to say, I did get scolded by Kunikida, and all I could think about is how powerful I felt while fighting.

Chapter Text

I didn't get it, sure she is pretty but I didn't get the fascination. 

Dazai was talking to a blonde woman who came to the Agency for help. But she just looked kind of fake, or is it my internalized misogyny? 

I left the office and went to the café to work. 

"There you are! I was getting bored up there" Dazai said, coming in with a black eye forming on his face, probably done by Kunikida. 

"I'm working, unlike others" I said without looking at him, I hate his guts today. 

"Let's go eat crab cakes from the sketchy store near here, I am bored" he whined as he rested his head on my shoulder. 

"Don't you have work to do? Go help the pretty blondie upstairs" I said bitterly and moved away so his head would fall and bang on the table. 

" Ouch what the fuck?" He screamed holding his forehead. 

"What is going on with you today?" He asked in a more serious tone. 

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just think you are annoying as always" I said, almost biting my tongue. 

" Oh honeybear, are you jealous ?" He was smiling from ear to ear and his eyes sparkling, he looked childish. 

"You are delusional" I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed. He just got closer to my face, our nose almost touching. I felt my cheeks get hot. 

"I think it's cute, honestly, just know you have been my favorite for a while♡" he said almost whispering, not moving an inch just looking at my eyes, almost seductively. 

For the first time I couldn't think of a comeback, I felt so nervous and …shy? What the fuck is going on with me, I am not shy, I'm an extrovert, I'm a psychologist, I know the answers, I am the one in control, but now… 

My hands are sweating,  I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, all I can notice is how perfect his ugly face is, and how his messy hair always seems to fall perfectly on his face. 

I turned to face the work I was doing. I lost this fight. He knows it too, his smirk was one of victory. 

"If you are gonna distract me from work I'm gonna ask you to leave me alone" I said softly. 

"I need you to do something for me." he said, still pretty close to my face. 

"If it's not work related I won't do it, not in the mood" I said without looking at him. 

" Oh I can get you in the mood if you want." he said, sounding flirty. 

"But it is work related so, I need you to go to this flower shop and get something I ordered, then to pick up some documents and pictures of a crime scene from the Police," he said as he handed me the business card of a flower shop and an authorization letter for the police to hand me classified information. Then he finally moved out of my face. 

"Fine" I said as I got up and headed to the door. 

"I mean it, pretty eyes, I do" he yelled at me as I closed the door. 

♧♧♧ 

I have been waiting for three hours in the damn Station, I hate cops. 

I still have to get to the flower shop, I should have known that Dazai is as sketchy as ever, making me do his work and the flowers are probably for his countless women he casually dates. 

I finally got the files and pictures of the crime scene and evidence and could get the damn flowers, if he makes me pay for them I will murder him. 

The flower shop was pretty, small business but looked homey. 

"Hi, I came here to pick up an order, under Dazai Osamu I guess" I told the lady on the counter. 

"There's not an order under that name. I'm sorry, what's your name?" Unbelievable, I'm so putting soy sauce on his coffee tomorrow. 

"Maru" I said defeatedly. 

"Oh we have that name written down, wait a minute, it's already paid so I'll just go get it!" She said in excitement. 

She came back with a small yet pretty arrangement, five tulips, two red ones, two orange ones and one white. All in a white simple vase. I think it's beautiful and I got sad. I'll get home and have a rewatch of Gilmore Girls to get my shit together. 

I left the flower shop and started walking to the Agency, I passed an alley and it smelled a little like blood. 

Is it city blood or crime blood? 

I decided to just look a little bit if there's trouble then I will call Kunikida. I peaked my head and I almost threw up. 

Naomi and Tanizaki laying on puddles of their own blood. The blondie was there, hair held up in a bun and glasses, gun in her hands. 

And there he was, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, wanted criminal, Port Mafia's hellhound, holding Atsushi by the neck. 

I had to think quickly. I don't have an ability, I am not carrying a gun or a sword, I had various knives and my staff, I need to get the Tanizaki siblings to Yosano, Atsushi doesn't look good either. 

Ah fuck. 

I just went straight in, I left the things on the floor and ran straight towards blondie. She noticed me and raised her gun. I threw a knife at her, cutting her cheek. She did aim at me but I zig zagged it a bit, I took her arm and hit it with my knee so she dropped her gun. I positioned myself behind her and raised a knife to her throat. 

A black thing that looked like sharp fabric stopped right between blondie's eyes. 

That's Akutagawa's ability, I heard about it, read it in a bunch of police reports, but it was nothing compared to the real thing, it was almost beautiful the way it sparked in red. 

"I need you to let go of Atsushi-kun or I will slit your friend's throat" I said slowly. I was scared of meaning it. I don't want to kill, I don't want my blood covered in red again. 

But I love Atsushi, he is my fake little brother, and I will kill for my family. Latina women can be crazy and loyal and I am no exception. 

"Go ahead, she knows working for the Port Mafia is dangerous, she is prepared to die. The weretiger is coming with me" he said in a monotonous voice. 

I pushed the knife down to the woman's throat, a small drip of blood ran down her neck. 

"I'm not joking around, Ryu-kun" I said mockingly, looking him in the eye. 

He raised an eyebrow and started choking Atsushi harder. 

"Just…leave…please" I could hear Atsushi say, and I snapped once again. 

I hit blondie in the back of the neck with the handle of my knife knocking her down. Mr. No eyebrows launched at me with his cool ability and I barely dodged, I went for the gun that blond dropped, after I picked it up I ran to Akutagawa. 

I didn't shoot in fear of hitting Atsushi, so I put the gun in the back of my pants and took out my staff. Right after I opened it up it was cut by the sharp fabric. This is bad. 

I took the gun out and aimed at his feet, then the coolest thing happened, the bullets stopped, as if they were stopped by a force field. And it gave Atsushi the opportunity to get free from Akutagawa's grip. 

"I'll hold him off! Check on the siblings!" He screamed at me and I obliged. I turned around and ran to the injured siblings. I crouched down and saw the damage. It's bad. I took out my phone and rang Yosano. 

"Put the phone down" a voice said and I felt a gun against the back of my head. 

I put the phone on the ground but it was still ringing and on speaker. I tore my blouse to make tourniquets. 

"If you want to shoot, go ahead. I'm gonna give medical assistance to my friends now" I said without turning around and trying to stop the bleeding. 

"But if you try to stop me I will carve your eyes out with a knife" I said, turning around partially, I probably looked crazy because she looked scared, honestly I scared myself a little. 

I couldn't control the bleeding, there were too many wounds and they were too complex. I don't have anything to suture with or take the bullets out, my hands are red again and I could hear Atsushi's screams in the back. 

I am losing it, I can't fucking breathe. 

"Okay, that's enough" I heard a voice say, a voice that just a while ago I found annoying, now I let out a breath out in relief. 

I turned and there he was, between Akutagawa and Atsushi, nullifying both abilities. He looked at me for a split second and winked at me. 

"Come get Atsushi-kun and take the siblings and go" he said in a serious tone. 

I stood up and walked to them to take the now passed out Atsushi. I crouched down to grab him by the arms and kind of drag him away. Then I felt a hand on my forehead out of nowhere. 

Dazai had put his hand in front of my head and the stabby fabric disappeared. That was fast, I couldn't even react. 

"Now Akutagawa-kun, you try that again and I will fucking kill you this time. Hitting ladies is the behavior of weak men" he sounded scary, hostile and really threatening. 

"Big words coming from a traitor ." Akutagawa responded. 

Akutagawa looked at me and said, "did you know who the man protecting you is? Did he tell you he was the youngest executive in the Port Mafia's history?" 

He took a step closer to me and looked down at me, "once he gets bored of you he will betray you and leave you as well". 

I felt as if a bucket of cold water had fallen on top of my head. 

I turned my gaze to Dazai, he was frowning and looking at Akutagawa. I just wanted to get out of there, so I dragged Atsushi to where the siblings were and called Yosano again. I told her the situation and she told me what to do while I got them to the Agency. 

The two men were talking but I couldn't hear any of it, my ears were ringing. The youngest executive in Port Mafia, he has slept at my place, I have been in the same car as him alone, I let my guard down, I knew he was dangerous, I knew he was bad news from the start, so why did you ignore all the red flags? 

"You take Naomi and I'll carry Tanizaki and Atsushi" Dazai said and I flinched unconsciously. I turned to see him and he had a weird look on his face, if I didn't know better I would say he looked almost hurt. 

We carried everyone back to the Agency. I didn't say a word and neither did he. The siblings and Atsushi were treated and I just bailed after I saw they were okay. I went back to the alley and grabbed the very classified files and the flowers, as I lifted the vase a card fell. 

「To the pretty eyes I met covered in blood proclaiming her freedom, Lilith, you are really my favorite

-Luficer」 

I should have left the flowers there, but I took them home. I am really falling from grace. 

Chapter Text

I opened the door slowly. I know he will be here. 

I took off my shoes and made my way to the kitchen, ignoring the head that was popping out of the couch. 

I put the flowers down on the counter along with the case file. He didn't say anything and I remained in the kitchen near the knives, as if I didn't have one on each pocket of my outfit. 

The tension was suffocating. Dazai Osamu, the man who never talked about his past, never let his guard down, was now exposed as being not only an ex Port Mafia member, but a former executive. 

The cruel reality that I know nothing about him crushed me a little. We are close, or so I would like to believe, I think I know him more than most of the people in the Agency. I knew when he was lying, when he was mad even though he's smiling or laughing. I knew how to be around him, how to talk to him, how to manage him, and I also knew I could only do that because he let me, because I am his new plaything. 

"Are you surprised?" He asked without turning around, his tone was unreadable. 

"Kind of, not because of your criminal record, but the executive thing, but I guess it makes sense" I said softly. 

"Are you afraid of me knowing my former profession?" He asked, turning around this time, he wants to read my reaction. 

"I have always been scared of you, this just makes me feel less guilty about it" I said honestly, and I could see his stern look waver, he did the same expression that he did in the mushroom incident, a subtle indication of pain. I guess no one wants to hear people are afraid of you. 

"Why didn't you tell me before, we talk more than just coworkers, and I never showed interest in the stupid 'guess the former profession' bet" I said taking an Anastasia plastic cup and filling it with water so I could give some to the flowers. 

"Did you like the flowers?" He said smiling softly resting his head on his hand. 

"I did, I like tulips" I responded, touching the flowers, and I could see him grin in my peripheral vision. 

"Don't you think I deserve some honesty? At least today, at least now." I said softly, almost as a whisper and I finally turned to face him. The smile turned into a troubled face, I could see him think. 

He sighed. 

"I knew that if I told you, your fear would be justified and you would be more cautious around me, take the distance you always promised yourself you would take from me, and you know I am selfish, I didn't want you to do that" he said looking away from me and concentrating his gaze on the flowers he had chosen. 

"You know I am no good at doing what's best for me" I said laughing softly.

"I do, and I take advantage of that" he confessed, still not looking at me. 

"Osamu, why did you leave the Port Mafia and started to work at the Agency?" I asked him straight away, I  was scared his honest streak would end. 

"I can't tell you that today, but I will one day, I even promise it, but I can't today, probably not even this week, so don't wait standing up" his tone was weird, as if there were all kinds of emotions going on. 

"Are you going to hurt me?" I respected his answer and changed my question. 

"Most probably" he said, still avoiding my gaze. 

"But I don't really want to or plan to for now, I won't hurt you intentionally for the sake of hurting you, if I hurt you it's because I think it's necessary" this time he looked at me, his eyes looking straight into mine. He is being completely honest. 

I sighed. 

"It better be the last fucking option, if you hurt me without a reason I will haunt you, I will take revenge, I'll get a million dogs and train them to chase you and pee on your shoes, I will also curse you so crab and sake taste like shit and piss to you" I said in a serious tone but ended up laughing in between sentences. 

He smiled softly at me. 

He stood up and walked to the kitchen until he was standing right in front of me. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and turned around as if to leave. 

I stared at his figure, he looked tired, he was dragging his feet a little and his breathing was slower than usual. He had more layers of bandages around his wrists. 

"Where are you going?" I blurted out. He turned around confused. 

"Home, it's getting late." he said, still walking to the doorway. 

"I still have questions for you" I told him rather quickly. And he stopped, and turned his head to me. 

"If you want me to stay you have to say it" he said slyly, he had a smirk on his lips but his eyes looked so sad. 

"Stay." I said, giving in. I knew he was feeling vulnerable, I knew he wanted to take control back, and so I gave it to him, because now there was no point in lying to myself saying I don't care about him. I care about Dazai, I like his company, I like talking to him and fighting with him. 

"Why?" He asked with his hand on the doorknob. 

"Because you are my friend and I care about you, and I'm scared of what you'll do if I let you go" I said with my voice breaking a little, I felt like crying but I don't exactly know why. 

Was it because I know there's no going back now? Accepting the fact that I care about this poor excuse of a man that will bring nothing but trouble and hurt? Or because I was finally being honest with myself? 

"Good enough" he said, putting his Yozo the clown mask on and skipping to the kitchen. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, then took out a bottle of sake and two hello kitty cups and pulled me to the sofa by the hand. 

"What do you want to watch?" He asked while serving the drinks. 

"Anything with a happy ending" I responded. 

"Make a sexual insinuation and I will slap you" I added and he laughed and I did too. I guess I am no good. 

He is really Lucifer and it's true I am no Eve, I am not being fooled by the snake, I am Lilith, I'm choosing me, the chaos, the freedom, and the hurt it may bring me.

Chapter Text

I woke up on the couch with a slight headache. 

"Wake up sleeping beauty, we have to get to work" Dazai was standing behind the couch, he looked fresh. 

"Are you already showered and ready?" I asked confused and grumpy. 

"Of course! I even already made coffee and went and bought some donuts from the bakery you like" he said cheerfully. 

I sat down and turned to face him with a confused and suspicious look on my face. 

"What did you do? Did you break something? I swear that if you went snooping around and founded my underwear drawer I'll rip the skin-" 

"I didn't do anything, I got up early since I couldn't sleep and thought I could make your morning easier" he said smiling with his eyes closed. Pretty bastard. 

"Mmmm, you are on thin fucking ice" I said and went to take a shower. 

I came back to the kitchen after getting ready and saw him sitting on a stool by the counter. I went straight towards him and hit him on the back of the head. Then I went to serve myself some coffee. 

"In my defense, you need to close your drawers properly, it was right on my field of vision" he said while rubbing his head. 

"So, how's it gonna go?" I asked him while sipping my coffee, he smiled at me and took a bite of his donut. 

"You say nothing unless I tell you to or, someone in the Agency asks you directly and with a reason." He said with his mouth full. 

"And you expect me to keep this juicy ass secret to myself? What do I gain?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow, I wasn't really going to say anything, but well, let's see what I can get. 

"I can give you a kiss in exchange for your cooperation." he said seductively, getting close to my face. 

I raised an eyebrow and chuckled. 

"I can get that for free and from a pretty girl, so what do you really bring to the table my ex mafioso?" I responded slyly. 

He pouted and kicked his feet. Dazai sometimes acts like a tall child. 

"Fine, I'll fix the leak of the showerhead and also, I'll buy you donuts everyday for a week, starting next week" he said through his teeth, still kicking his feet. 

"Good boy" I said and kissed his forehead, grabbing my coffee mug and heading towards the door, I heard him following behind. As I turned around to lock the door, I saw Dazai take out a key from his coat and lock my door. 

"Give me that you fucker, when did you- I can't believe-" I rambled while taking the key by force from his hands, he just threw me a fake innocent look, brown puppy eyes looking into mine. 

"Ugh fine, but you gotta start to tell me when you are coming to my apartment, what if I'm naked or something" I said walking to the stairs. 

I didn't hear footsteps so I turned around and he was looking up to nothing in particular. So I threw my shoe at him, I did hit him in the face. 

"Stop picturing me naked!" I shouted at him and turned back around and started going down the stairs. 

"And bring my fucking shoe" I shouted at him and heard him walk behind me.  

□□□ 

So, three things happened, actually four, in the office. 

One: Dazai has been missing for about three days, no one is worried, not even me, that man repels death and injuries, sadly (for him). 

Two: Atsushi and Yosano got caught up in some Port Mafia's nonsense and now we have kind of adopted a girl around Kenji's age, her name is Kyōka, she keeps saying she has killed thirty something people, she is pretty cute. 

Three: President Fukuzawa gave me a sword, classic, the handle was black, and the hand guard was white and moon shaped, it looks elegant and expensive, and it's kind of heavy but cool. So now I walk around with it hanging from my shoulder. 

Four: this is not work related but, it's been a month and a week since the last time I saw Cabernet. He should be in the city right now. I have not gotten a text or a call and, guess silence is an answer too. 

I missed him, it was peaceful talking to him about nothing in particular, just boring everyday things. Being with him felt like taking a warm bath, relaxing and homey, a weird sensation about someone I don't even know his name. 

I have to admit that the office days without Osamu being a lazy, useless and annoying presence are kind of boring. I am scared that he left now that I know he used to be a Mafia big shot. It's so weird but logical. Him being an executive at a young age, Dazai is smart, cunning, tactical, and solves problems quickly and creatively. He was also cold and calculated, manipulative, charming and cocky. He is the perfect con man. 

That's why I wasn't surprised about him having a criminal record, but I thought that he just committed some frauds, petty theft or something. Being an ex Port Mafia Executive meant he did worse and on a bigger scale. 

I was taken out of my spiraling thoughts by receiving a new email, no one emails me. It was from Dazai?. 

「Hello my beautiful confidant. 

By now you must be wailing and suffering from my absence, I hope you forgive me from neglecting you for so long, we can commit a romantic double suicide when we are reunited so we can be together forever. 」 

I really thought about deleting this and continuing with my work. But it was a long ass email, and he was kind of missing so I swallowed my cringe and kept reading. 

「I won't upset you more with my disappearance, and that's because you will come get me, I have gotten myself in a sticky situation and need your assistance, and only yours. 

I am probably in the Port Mafia's HQ, down the basement, in their "interrogation room" so please come and get me. I have left the blueprints of the building and a detailed description of how to enter and don't be caught in your undies drawer before this happened. 

Don't tell anyone about this, delete this email. 

Also, I will get killed for realsies if you don't come get me in the next 48 hours. 

Tqm, yours truly, your future ghost husband, Dazai Osamu♡」 

What if I just leave him there? I thought to myself. 

I made my way home without telling anyone anything. I don't really think I can pull this off alone, I mean, it's Dazai's plan, and somehow his plans always work, maybe he is indeed a demon. 

I took the blueprints out of my drawer, thinking about how he had probably left them here while I was showering, that made me feel a little relieved, he had planned this with days of anticipation. 

This is crazy. 

He wants me to enter right through the backdoor???? And just take the emergency stairs down? This man is insane. But I'll do it. No more questions asked. 

Here I am, walking to the backdoor of the building. I am dressed in all black, a suit I have gotten as a gift from Yosano because, "every gay person needs a suit" she said. I figured that if I get noticed then I could fake that I work here or was send here, my sword was hanging in a bag from my shoulder and I had various knives hidden in my body, one on each thigh and ankles, three on the inside of my coat and I had a single gun in the back of my pants. Not for me, I still dont like them, but for the stupid detective that I'm going to rescue. 

I entered the building, the backdoor led to a kind of storage room, and saw the stair sign on the back to the left, I just walked naturally to it, I didn't want to be suspicious. 

I made my way down and each level looked more sketchy. The whole city knows the Port Mafia has a commercial and corporate front, and that's how it looks from the outside, and each level down represents how much dirt there is I suppose. 

Dazai's plans said to go five down, then look for the third door. And so I did exactly that, I didn't doubt his knowledge of the territory, knowing he used to work here. 

He has probably tortured people down here, guess he's the one being tortured now, I thought. 

I made it to the entrance of the third room, it had stairs down, it smelled like metal and blood and sweat. They don't clean these rooms apparently. I made my way down slowly. I was wearing a pair of ballet shoes that I have broken in, the casual normal ones to practice, not pointe, so I was making practically no sound while walking. 

I could hear Dazai's voice in the room, then another voice that I couldn't quite hear because the sound of breaking concrete filled the room. 

Dazai's ability it's not on the offensive side, he pulls everyone down with him to the human realm, he can get hurt and can't be treated by Yosano because he neutralizes her ability. His bones break as a normal person. 

So I rushed in. 

Chapter Text

In that moment time stopped for her, she drew her sword out and ran towards the enemy despite the fact that her legs felt weak and she felt like throwing up. She exchanged looks with Dazai who had a smirk and a cold gaze, almost cruel, and it was for her, not the enemy standing before him grabbing him by the collar and putting a knife on his throat. Her gaze looked miserable and sad. 

"Please drop the knife" she whispered with sadness in her voice and her sword against her new enemy. 

The man with a hat on his head felt gravity affect him for once. As if all the weight he had stolen came crashing down on his shoulders and made him kneel against the reality of who he was and who she is. He wanted to know more about her and he did. 

Dazai was just smirking at both of them with empty eyes. His plan worked and he was satisfied with it. The misty eyes of his coworker haunt him a little, but he won't accept it, he is here in business and he is good at his work, the casualties were forgivable if they were for the greater good. 

He was touching his ex-partner's wrist, so he couldn't repel the cold embrace of the edge of his Lilith's sword. He could see the blade shake, 'she's doubting' he thought, but his calculations are always exact. She will do what she was to do and will finish the job. 

"Hey kitten, I always knew you had a thing for sharp objects" the redhead spoke, a raspy voice filled with agony resonating through the room. 

"Let's not make this difficult, little lion man" she said softly while pressing the blade on her former friend's neck, breaking skin and blood running out. 

"Didn't know you knew him, pretty eyes! Nakahara Chuuya, gravity manipulator, and executive in the Port Mafia, the worst of the worst!" Dazai said with a cheerful tone, contrasting the tense agony that filled the room making the stench of blood feel tolerable. 

She looked at his coworker, doubting calling him friend. She knows Dazai's ways and coincidences are not an option with Lucifer, he always wins, even when it looks like he's losing. 

"Please, I don't want to do this" she said, her voice breaking and the tremble of her hands was visible on the sword's blade. She was ignoring Dazai, her head was spinning and the void on her chest was crushing her lungs. 

The executive dropped the knife and let go of Dazai's collar, but the messy brown hair detective didn't let go of his wrist, he looked at Chuuya mischievously. 

"Has he told you what they used to call him?" He was talking to the woman threatening to cut his head off but looking at the man who has betrayed him more than once. 

She kept quiet. 

"Demon Prodigy. Dazai Osamu, the young man that made executive at the age of 16, feared by both enemies and peers, he was born to be in the Mafia that's what everyone said, a mystery he deflected" Chuuya said clenching his teeth, anger coursing through his veins. 

"Oh reminiscing the old days, partner? You know this shortie and I used to be the strongest duo? Because of me of course, we even had a cool nickname, twin or double black, but I guess he didn't tell you that, he didn't tell you anything right?" Dazai said being the snake at the garden, his words felt like venom on the Lion and Cat listening. 

There was a long pause, a minute or two that felt like drowning on a cold sea of secrets, waves of reality crashing in, ending on ties being snapped at the shore. 

"Well, it has been a horrible reunion, you look as short and ugly as ever Chuuya, but me and my honeybear have to leave, see ya hopefully never" Dazai said finally letting go of his grip on the ginger, and walking to his coworker who put the sword back on its cover and took a step back. 

The handsome detective looked menacingly at the girl with a lost gaze, she was looking past him and into the mafioso. Dazai took the young woman's hand, intertwining her fingers with his own, turning to give his old partner a victory smirk. He won and he knew it, he wanted everyone to know he won. 

The sad woman had turned into a sad rag doll and let herself be dragged out of the room, but before she disappeared up the stairs she had the strength to say, "Maru, my name is Maru". 

The burning stare of the lion man placed itself on the back of her mind like the last supper. The reminder of a reunion that ended up with betrayal. 

The little lion man did feel small, and his pride has been wounded, not because of his ex partner's malevolent tactics, but because of his negligence. He did know there was something out of the ordinary with Merlot but he saw past it on his selfish desire to feel human. 

"There's one thing we need to do before leaving," the cunning detective said, holding his doll by the hand. 

She has not said a word, her mind keeps going in and out of consciousness, she saw herself as an expectator and Dazai was the movie director, the writer, the creator. 

They went to a room full of computers and the man with the fluffy hair kept typing and reading. The artificial light made him look divine, ' you can't win when making deals with demons I guess ' the thought made its way into her mind and filled her with distraught. 

"Should we get something to eat? I'm starving, quite literally, you aren't supposed to give food or water to prisoners, I should know!" Dazai said laughing, he sounded confident but silence by the woman with pretty eyes was creeping on him. 

He kept holding her hand in fear. Fear of what? He didn't know, but he recognized the sensation running up and down his back. 

They got out, and the doll was turning into a mannequin, her expression lost and distant, her movements stiff, like she was lost in her own nightmare. 

"I found out your special friend was Chuuya while snooping through your things, I found the hat carefully placed on a box on the back of the closet and recognized it, it's better this way" He said looking at her, the sound of  cars and birds filling the space. 

"Why did you have me come here?" She broke her vow of silence and questioned the young man. 

"You need to get over yourself and stop putting the Agency in unnecessary danger." he said coldly, like a coworker would say. 

" You hurt me " she whispered, hoping for empathy to run on Dazai's veins. 

"It was necessary" he responded, spitting venom and anger out of his fangs. 

"No it wasn't, you are punishing me again, and I will not take it, you make your ability´s name honor" she shook her hand out if his and took distance. 

"I knew I was just a plaything you have fun with but you don't get to tear off the limbs off a doll to see how it works, you crossed the line" She raised her voice at him a frown permanently on her face. 

"I am your superior, you do as I say '' He took a step closer and she took a step back. Anger and sadness mixed with fear in her eyes. 

And she walked away, she gave her back to the man she thought was friend, losing herself in the big city that once again was rejecting her hopeless want of feeling happiness. 

The girl in the suit cried silently the way home, she accepted she no longer controlled the narrative but was going to try and turn the tide the other way round.

Chapter Text

I went straight home after the incident and left Dazai to deal with things himself. I stayed up most of the night smoking and drinking a little bit. The moment of the unfaithful reunion kept coming to me in flashes of memories, fast and blinding. 

I thought Cabernet would have called me or tried to reach out to me by now. Should I start calling him by his name now? Nakahara Chuuya, I cant believe the man who made me laugh countless of times with his strong reactions and opinions is a mass murder and one of the pilars of the organization that haunts the City at night. 

Port Mafia is the direct enemy of the Agency, and there I was, literally fraternizing with the enemy, getting drinks and eating with a man that could have killed me any second. But I guess the same can be said about Dazai. The look he gave me today while on the mission was distant and cruel. What am I doing here? What kind of life am I leading? 

♣♣♣

I headed to the Agency earlier than usual. I didn't go upstairs because of the fear of Dazai being there, I know he will be waiting for me, he wants a reaction, he wants me to reassure him that he is in control. I am a coward. 

I stayed in the Café just thinking about what I should do about the whole situation. Was Dazai going to say that I had a friendship with Nakahara Chuuya? Or is he going to keep it a secret to keep me at bay? The thought placed itself on top of my head as a crown of thorns. 

I finally gathered the courage to go upstairs, I opened the door with one hand while holding a tray with a cappuccino that Atsushi had asked me to buy for him, and one matcha for me, another coffee and my head is going to burst. 

“Good morning.” I said casually looking at everyone's reactions.

“Morning” The members of the Agency answered in a low tone, everyone seemed kind of busy and distracted. Everyone except one, deep brown eyes looking into mine, reading my every move. Dazai gave me a fake smile and even waved at me, acting as if nothing happened. 

So I'll do the same. 

I went to my desk and saw some case files. I needed to do some profiling. Sometimes the Agency or the Police made me look at descriptions of crime scenes and make something out of it, what kind of person can do which kind of crime, it was fun, like a little puzzle, kind of what Rampo does naturally. 

I felt Dazai's gaze on me, it felt like cold wind against my face, this is torturous. I knew our closeness was superficial in nature, just passing time, him trying to stay distracted from the life he desperately tries to throw away, and me entertaining him because I had nothing better to do. Well, that's wrong, I have better things to do, but I just let myself be seduced by the charming possibility of knowing something that others don't. 

Seduced by the opportunity of unraveling the mystery that was Dazai Osamu. 

I got greedy and careless and got myself burned by hellfire. 

“How did you sleep darling? Did you miss me?” He asked while looking down at me as if he was sitting on a throne. 

“I slept well.” I answered ignoring the last part, he was trying to push a button. I kept avoiding his gaze. I hated myself for feeling small, like a child being punished when I did nothing wrong, or so I thought. 

“ Mmm is that so , I thought you would have kind of a rough night, considering yesterday's events.” His tone was mischievous, but his eyes were emotionless. 

I ignored it, and kept looking at gruesome pictures that seemed more bearable than to look at the man beside me. He kept his eyes on me, I could feel his stare, and then, a minute later I just heard him hum and he turned away. 

He was present in my peripheral vision, I kept cautious, trying to anticipate his next move. He just started bothering Atsushi. Maybe he really is not going to say anything.  

“Atsushi-kun, remember when Maru-chan went on a date? A little birdy told me who he was…” I heard him whisper to Atsushi. My blood ran cold, my shoulders were tense and my mouth was dry. The young weretiger looked uninterested and turned away, thank God for the apathetic youth. 

“She went on a date?” Yosano chimed in, interested in the topic of conversation. 

“She said it wasn't a date, just a friend's outing” Atsushi added as if he was defending me, even though he did not know I will soon need the help. 

“It was definitely not, she was gathering info without even noticing, kind of funny really” Dazai said, faking a laugh and turning his eyes to me. 

“Didn't you know she was practically selling herself to one and only, Nakahara Chuuya, a Port Mafia Executive” His words sting like acid burns on my whole body, not only had he rat me out, he was humiliating me in front of the whole office, he wants my punishment to be public. 

There was silence. I couldn't bring my head up, my eyes were glued to my desk and my breath was shallow. I could not see the reactions of my fellow peers, I only felt the weight of stares pushing me down my chair. 

“No need to worry about it, it's handled. Also she didn't really know who he was, no information was revealed, other than her horrible taste in men” Dazai was the only one talking and laughing as if it was nothing but a play, because for him it was, he was the one in control of the script. 

“Who would have thought that she was that easy, cause Chuuya is not an interesting person” he added, with malice in his tone. 

I took a deep breath as I stood up from my desk grabbing my hot matcha tea that I had not taken a sip off yet, walked to the egotistical suicidal maniac, and pour the whole thing on his head. His eyes finally gave an emotion, anger mixed with sadness. 

“I will be excusing myself today, if there's something urgent, please call me.” I said softly without looking at something or someone in particular. I took my bag and my sword and opened the door.

“Jealousy is not a good color on you, Dazai” I could hear Rampo say. 

♦♦♦

I walked through the city aimlessly, a lit cigarette between my lips and an empty gaze on my eyes. I feel like I have been walking for years and still I could not find a destination. 

So I went where I felt at home once, not entirely because of the place.

The sketchy bar looked the same, the same tables, the same stools, the same smell of smoke and liquor. The same bartender gave me a soft smile, almost as if he knew. 

“Same as always?” he asked. 

“Make it double.” I said, sounding defeated, and I felt like it too. 

He took a glass out, put some ice in it and poured the tequila. I watched the ice dance in the glass as the liquor melted it. I don't know what the next move is. I have not gotten a call from the Agency or the President, so I know I am not in trouble with them. Honestly I would rather be in a mess with the Agency than with the Devil himself. 

“I am not supposed to tell you this but, he came in yesterday night, and he is in no better shape than you.” The friendly bartender said while handing me some sad bar peanuts. 

I gave him a soft smile and mouthed a “ thank you ”. 

After a few hours of self pity, I finished my drink, paid the bill and headed to my apartment. Then I stopped and took a different direction, making my way to a cheap motel that was down the street. I got myself a room and laid on the bed. As I watched the ceiling spin I smiled to myself knowing Dazai is going to be pissed that I did not come to the apartment where he is probably waiting for me. 

I thought about both men and myself.

Cabernet, now known as Nakahara Chuuya, his quick remarks and the way he carried himself with pride, hands covered in gloves and hidden in his pockets, he always kept me at arm's length and now the reason is clear. The little lion man with flame red hair and ocean eyes with a sailor's mouth. He made the right choice back then, cutting our friendship short. 

The Devil, known as Dazai Osamu, a sly personality, eccentric in the way he expresses himself, manipulative and intelligent. Waves of dark brown hair always framing his face perfectly, tall and kind of scrawny, the flamboyance of his gestures always adding to his charming ways, always looking down from the throne where he rules the game in which we all play a part. 

And me, Lilith, a crumbling excuse of a woman hanging from a thread. Impulsive and hot headed, too kind for her own good, always sacrificing herself because I think I don't deserve to be saved. There is a darkness within that I deny but also long for. I always felt like the odd one out so I mold myself to be whatever other people want me to be, just for a crumb of love and affection. 

Where is this stage play going to lead us? 

I heard a light knock on the door. The clock marked 4:47 in the morning. The sun was still not up, and I was envious of that.

Knock knock knock

I finally stood up and headed towards the door, knife in hand. The motel was so cheap that the peeping whole was fake, so I put the chain on the door and opened it up. 

Chapter Text

“So, are you going to let me in or not?” A low soft familiar voice asked. I didn't know the answer, so I just kept quiet. 

“I have a bottle of tequila and no weapons, I won't come in unless you want me to.” The man said almost begging. So I opened the door and walked towards the sad table in the corner of the room by the window. He came in closing the door with his foot, holding a bottle of tequila and one of whiskey in each hand. A bottle for every person in the room. 

I sat down in one of the chairs and looked at him. We both were nervous I could tell. I was sitting down bouncing my leg up and down in anxiety while biting my lip, not the sexy kind, the ' I'm about to have a breakdown ' kind. He was avoiding my gaze and clenching his jaw. We both know this meeting is not only wrong morally speaking, it's also forbidden by both of our work places. 

“How did you know I was here?” I broke the silence while he took a seat in front of me, placing the tequila bottle on my side of the table and the whisky one in front of himself. They looked expensive. 

“Now knowing what I do for a living, is it really surprising that I founded you?” He responded with a soft and sad smile. 

“Guess not, but that's still not an answer, you know I'm pretty curious.” I responded standing up and walking to the nightstand where two glasses were. He kept quiet until I was sitting with him on the table again. 

“I am not trying to read my enemy's moves, I just want to know how a friend knew where I was.” I told him, noticing how his silence was accompanied by a million thoughts going through his head. He sighed and poured a drink in his glass, and so did I. 

“I went to the bar and asked for you, I don't know where you live nor will I find out, but it should be near the bar” he said reassuring me he won't look me up the mafia database.

“And I know Dazai, sadly, but well enough to know that he will be watching you closely, meaning breaking into your apartment probably, so I figured that you wouldn't keep up with his bullshit for the time being” he took a sip of his drink. 

“This was the only motel near the bar, I bribed the receptionist and she told me in which room you were." He finished as he looked up from his hat to see my reaction. 

" Ugh you are going to be a pain in the ass as an enemy, so not fair, now I hate your intelligence" I said laughing and taking a sip from the tequila bottle directly, he raised an eyebrow and chuckled. 

"I'm sorry." He said softly and took off his hat, placing it on the table. 

"For what?" I asked as I slid down in the chair a little so I could rest my head on the chair's backrest. 

"For meeting you at a terrible time, for both of us." I have never heard his voice this soft, if he read me a bedtime story I would probably sleep 12 hours and wake up fresh. 

"Is there really a right time?" I asked, smiling sadly.

"The answer is no. We make the best we can with what we are handed" I answered myself and sat back up to see his face. His pretty face with pretty freckles, incredible how can this man be one of the most dangerous people in the city. 

We had a staring contest, he was looking at me while drinking his drink, and so was I. He was thinking of what to say and I was waiting for him to talk. 

He took something out of his pockets and slid it on the table in my direction. 

"I was going to let this with the bartender, his name is Yoshimura by the way, but my selfishness won." I took the small velvet box and inspected it without opening, I turned my gaze to him. 

"I wanted an excuse to see you again" he said resting his face in his hand, ocean blue eyes looking in mine. I felt a pressure on my chest along with waves of warmth. This is bad. 

I opened the box. A pair of heart-shaped golden earrings. I looked at him with surprise and took them out, they were two lockets each with a picture of my cats back at home. I was speechless. They were beautiful but quirky. 

"I can't accept this, plus this is probably very expensive and we agreed that no expensive gifts-" 

"Fuck our agreement" he cut me off, still using his hand to keep his face in place to look at me. 

"We know each other's name, so the old rules are over, and you are going to accept those, I could kill you, you know?" He said slurring his words, not even ¾ of the bottle has been drunk. 

"But you hadn't," I said almost whispering, "and I'm pretty annoying so I think I am safe, you on the other hand should be more careful" I said teasingly. 

"You are a house cat, I am a lion, your words, not mine, so I think I win" he said. I could see him sliding off his hand a little bit. 

"I have no home" I responded with a sad tone in my voice, my loneliness practically visible. 

"I am a stray cat" I said looking into his eyes. 

"I am a cat that took lives with her own claws" as I finished my statement, Chuuya's eyes grew big in surprise. 

"What? Shocked that you aren't the only killer in this room? This are different times, women can be murderers too" I said with a playful tone to ease the tension. 

"Are you okay?" He had a worried expression on his face. 

"I don't think so, but are any of us okay really?" I sighed and poured myself another glass. 

"Fair point. But I'm guessing your body count is nowhere around mine" he said now using his other hand to keep his face in place. He is drunk drunk.

" Mmm …we talking killing or fucking? Cause most probably I end up losing either way." I said laughing, his cheeks turned red and looked away, he looked very cute and it's making me forget he is a mass murderer.

"You think Dazai would waste his time on someone average looking with just a kind of funny personality but that's it?" I asked him to change the subject. 

"Let's not talk about that bastard, can't believe you stand him, I swear I'll punch the smirk right off his face" he said angrily raising his voice unconsciously. 

"And you are beautiful, your personality is very charming, kind of hard to stay away…" he said as if he was talking to himself, he looked so normal, expensive, but just a normal man hanging with his friend. 

"Are you flirting with me?" I asked as a reflex, the tequila is creeping on me. 

He was taken aback from my question. He even moved back a little bit and his gaze left my eyes to position itself on the table. 

"Don't know what you are talking about princess, I was just making some statements" he said, stuttering a bit, out of nervousness and surprise. I felt like he was holding himself from saying something. 

"Guess I ain't that lucky" I responded with a sad smile. Did I want him to confirm that he was flirting with me?

There was silence. He drank without saying a word for a while.

"Wait, was Dazai the coworker you beat the shit out of?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." I said, smirking. 

"I could kiss you right now." he blurted out without thinking. And it took both of us by surprise. His eyes were big as plates and he covered his mouth way too late to stop something from coming. I had my mouth open to say something but I couldn't really think. The tension, the liquor, the goddamn motel room we are in. 

Not good. Not helping. 

"Sorry, I don't kiss drunk people" I said in a sarcastic tone and a smile to cut the tense atmosphere between us. I also took the bottle from his side of the table indicating that this has been enough. 

"You're drunk too" he said pointing his finger at me. 

"Not as much as you" I said, denying his accusations. 

"Then catch up" he said in a weird tone, almost suggestive. 

I let out a big sigh and stood up. He looked at me confused, he was scattered all over his chair. Boy is plastered. I extended my hand for him to take, and he did. 

I lead him to the bed, his eyes with a hit of confusion and excitement. I pushed him down and he fell on the mattress effortlessly. He raised an eyebrow questioning my bold actions. 

"You are going to sleep now, you are drunk and it's early in the morning, take a nap, and when you come up with a plan on how to keep being friends without getting killed, call me" I whispered to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

I might seem pretty calm and collected but my heart was racing, and so was his. Everything about this clandestine meeting was going to bring us future problems. 

He didn't say a word, he just kept looking at me and I could see the conflicted emotions in his eyes. 

I took my purse and sword, also the earrings he gave me, and walked out of the motel room. 

It's time to face the devil.   

Chapter Text

My hand on the doorknob without twisting it. I am having second thoughts. I know that as soon as I enter the apartment a battle of wills will begin, and my adversary knows no defeat. I am fighting a losing war. I am betting on losing dogs. Aw, fuck it.  

I opened the door, entered with my eyes on the floor, took off my shoes and turned to face the handsome devil resting on the window still. He had a cigarette on his fingers and no coat or vest on. He looked messy and tired. He took some time to turn his face to me, sad eyes resting on deep dark circles. 

“Where were you?” he asked in a raspy breathy voice filling the room. 

I have never seen him smoke, sure, I have seen the cigarette packages inside his drawer on his desks, but never once he had smoked in front of anyone at the Agency at least. 

“Is it a rhetorical question? Aren't we too old for puzzles?” I responded while leaving my things on the floor and walking towards him. I positioned myself in front of him, by the other side of the window. The sun was up, hitting both of us in the face. 

He did not answer, he just looked at me with smoke casually covering his eyes. It's always like this with Dazai, push and pull, every conversation as a negotiation. 

“I was with Chuuya.” I said turning my eyes to the outside of the window, I do not feel guilt or shame. 

“Hmm, was it fun at least?” He asked me sarcastically. 

“It was, I don't get why you hate him” I said, taking a cigarette off the package and lit it up, now looking at him.  I expected him to be more angry, he's just tired. 

“He gets on my fucking nerves, but I gotta admit I love teasing him, its funny when he gets mad” he said laughing and looking past me, almost as if there was something behind me that I couldnt see. 

“It is, he scrunches his nose and it makes him look younger than he is, plus when he screams his voice gets kind of high” I joined the laugh. 

“He sounds like a motorcycle.” he added, smiling with his eyes closed. 

“Osamu…how is this going to go?” I asked him softly, ash falling from the cigarette and into the hello kitty ashtray. 

He took a deep breath, and I could see him think. He threw his head back resting it on the window frame, the morning breeze making his hair move a little. 

“You stop all contact, and that's final.” He said, opening his empty eyes and looking into mine. 

“No.” I responded with a firm voice, an unwavering gaze of mine confronting his dull eyes. 

“I'm not asking you, I am ordering you .” He said in a threatening tone, raising his eyebrow.

I was pissed. These two men making decisions for me, toying with me as if I was a damsel in distress who can't make her own decisions, who doesn't know what's best for her. Treating me as if I was a prize to be won, thinking they are the only ones playing in this board game. I am competing too, I am not the trophy, I am a player too. 

“Who would have thought that the cool headed demon prodigy could get his judgment clouded by emotions, I take it as an achievement honestly, making you weak.” I said slyly, my eyes as dark as night even with the sun hitting them directly. He raised his head in surprise. 

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, detective, getting close to the one and only, Nakahara Chuuya, a big shot executive in the Port Mafia, the intel I could get, plus, the nature of the relationship is friendly, he lets his guard down with me.” I said mischievously, letting in the part of me that burns in the back of my head way too often and I just ignored it. 

I meant every word I said, except I don't. I could be mean and manipulative, I just want it to have a purpose, I would not betray Chuuya, unless necessary, and this way I get a say, I would be the one pulling the strings. 

 Dazai looked at me carefully, as if to catch any glimpse of dishonesty.

“I can be cynical and cunning too, you ain't the only one who has fallen from grace a while ago” I added, taking the cigarette from his hands, taking a hit and blowing the smoke out of the window. 

“It's still a no, Mori will have you killed the second you pose as a threat, he will even have Chuuya kill you with his own hands just to teach him a lesson, and he will do it, Chuuya's biggest strength is his biggest flaw, unwavering loyalty.” Dazai's voice was getting softer with each word he was saying, I am winning this battle . 

“That sounds pretty scary, but I would have nothing to fear if I had the Devil on my side, like my own guardian angel, after all, Lucifer is an angel.” I said getting closer to him, putting my hand near his, my fingertips touching his. I knew exactly what I was doing.  

I am taking the narrative back, I am turning the tide.  

“You are evil, do you know that?” He said almost whispering and getting closer to my face, intertwining his fingers with mine.

“I am embracing it.” I whispered back, our foreheads almost touching, his eyes had a certain spark I couldn't figure out. 

I pulled my head back to take impulse and then slammed my head into his, breaking the intimate moment. He fell back on his butt and screamed. He held his forehead in pain.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” he yelled at me and I looked down at him with a smirk.

“ Do you think I have forgiven you? I am taking myself off your little play, I am no longer a marionette, I am making decisions, I am directing and writing this stage play with you whether you like it or not. You will respect me as a fucking human being.” I said with a firm voice and a confidence that I have no idea where it came from, but I meant every word. 

He looked up smiling at me, a surprised but honest smile, crazy look on his eyes,  hair covering parts of his face. I have never seen him more human, he was enjoying this. He was excited for me to tear down his throne by force. Even if this was part of his plan, I was also enjoying the situation. I am reclaiming my power, I am demanding respect. 

“And get the fuck out of my house, we'll talk later, I'm tired” I ended my statement and walk past him, leaving him on the floor.

“ Meow ” I heard him whisper, and I chuckled softly. 

Let the games begin.

Chapter Text

It has been three days since I talked to both men alone. 

I had to talk to the President about the Chuuya situation, and I told him everything, except the clandestine motel meeting, and to be fair that was not planned. All charges had been lifted about my suspicions of conspiring against the Agency, verdict was: I am just a woman.

And now we all have been shown pictures of the mafia members known by the Agency so you don't casually befriend him, like yours truly. 

Dazai talked to the President the same morning I kicked him out of my apartment, I didn't come to work that day either. This place needs to be more strict with me to be honest. 

Speaking of the Devil, I am not.

We are not talking to each other, we are both stubborn. We talk to each other only when it's necessary or work related. That being said, it's not awkward, but there is an underlying tension between us. We keep glancing at each other all the time. 

“It's so uncomfortable, please just talk again, I feel like a child of divorce” Atsushi said to me while we were eating down at the café. 

“He can come talk to me if he wants to talk.” I said, wearing my pride like a crown. 

“Ughhh… that's exactly what he says” Atsushi said slamming his head on the table out of frustration. 

“You two are being childish, if you have issues why don't you just fight each other, and whoever wins is the dominant one, or you can have sex, I hear that works too.” Kyoka added with a deadpan face.

“Where the hell did you learn that? Who told you that I want names” I asked her with horror in face. She just kept eating her parfait. 

The door opened revealing the handsome devil himself, he looked at me and I looked at him. He took a seat in front of me, beside Atsushi, Kyoka was sitting on my side.

And we just kept quiet, casually looking at each other, but minding our own business, him drinking his coffee, me eating my sandwich. We also noticed the awkward glances going on between Atsushi and Kyoka, Dazai and I were laughing internally. 

“Please, I can't take this anymore, just talk to each other, even if it's weird stuff, I'll rather have that!” Atsushi said, raising his voice and pulling his hair.

“I don't know what you are talking about Atsushi-kun” Dazai said, faking innocence.

“Yeah, if he has anything to say to me he can tell me” I said while taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Nope, nothing on this end, what about yours?” Dazai said, taking a bite off my sandwich. 

“Not really, see you later” I said, taking my things and heading towards the door. 

“Oh I see what you mean, this is weird” Kyoka said to Atsushi. 

♠♠♠

I returned to the office and noticed a weird atmosphere. 

“You are needed in the President's office” Kunikida told me with a serious tone, I signaled my sword, and he lifted his arms forming an x. So I guess nothing dangerous is going on.

So I went in and there was a blond tall man mispronouncing the President's name.

“It's Fukuzawa, it's not hard, gringo .” I said walking towards the President's side. The white man gave me a sly smile.

“Ah, our translator is finally here. Scott Fittzgerald, a pleasure.” He extended his hand to me, I looked at it suspiciously and was not going to take it but the president elbowed me. 

“Sure” was all I said, I do not trust white rich people, less men.

“So, we are here to buy off the Skilled Business Permit, and the beautiful translator as well” the blond man said as if it was nothing.

“What the fuck” I said without translating a thing. The President just looked confused but defensive based on my reaction.

“He wants to buy some kind of permit, and ME ?” I said puzzled, pointing a finger to my face. The president looked angry and offended.

“I understand the permit, but why would you want… her?” Fukuzawa said, why the tone tho .

“She knows how the business is carried out, and she speaks English, she can help us settle in America” he said, and I noticed he wasn't telling the truth. 

“No, to any and all your propositions, it's a no, so please leave the premises.” The President responded with a firm voice.

They went away, and the president told me to go back to work  but I kept thinking about the interaction and how they wanted to buy me? It's all too weird, never trust white rich men. I was bouncing my knee up and down rapidly while thinking until I felt a hand under the desk holding it down in place. 

Dazai looked at me with an eyebrow raised, he must be annoyed by my knee moving all of our desks since they were kind of close. 

He then took his hand off my knee still looking at me, stood up and headed to the door, nodding his head towards the entrance, motioning me to follow him. 

I am mad at him still, but I went after him.

“What's going on with you?” he asked, leaning on the wall with his arms closed.

“White man tried to buy me off.” I said, still not believing what happened. I was even pouting a little. 

“What?”. He asked, confused but amused by my tantrum.  

“Don't make me repeat it” I said letting out a sigh, he just started laughing, just straight up laughing holding his stomach. 

“ Stop. fucking. Laughing. ” I said while hitting him on the arm lightly, well not so lightly.

“He has good taste. I'll give him that, also balls, he just asked the President to put a price on you, damn” He kept making fun of the situation. 

“I would have given you away for 1 million dollars to be honest” he kept and kept on taking a piss.

“I would have given you out for free” I said, rolling my eyes, “if you are not going to help good bye” I was angry, not at his reaction, but because I was having fun too. I am mad at him, gotta remember it.

“I'll investigate it, it sounds fishy honestly, don't take it bad but well, you don't have an ability, so the reason why he wants you it's unclear, speaking business.” he said in a more serious tone. 

“Thanks” I said turning around 

“You're welcome, pretty eyes” He yelled as I was walking away. 

• ●●

What the girl with pretty eyes didn't know was that the detective suspected something was going on in the backstage of this play, he had noticed since he rescued her from the container. 

Strange things happened around her, being in a separate container, running away from home without history of ever doing so, meeting Nakahara Chuuya out of nowhere, and now this…

He was not accusing her of anything, she wasn't aware at all of all the inconsistencies in her life, but it made Dazai wonder what was going on. 

A three way war started. 

♠♠♠

“What do you mean go hide?” I snapped at Kunikida.

“What you heard, there is a direct conflict with two different organizations, it's dangerous for civilians, so you will go to the safehouse with Naomi and Haruno” He said, not really looking at me. He was sometimes scared of my strong personality and honestly, he should.

“No, I am not, you have fought me, you know I can handle myself!” I yelled at him and he looked surprised. I don't like feeling useless while everyone has some kind of part in this fight.

“She will go with the President, she'll be needed there.” Dazai said, looking at me and winking. I don't know what he means but I'll roll with it. 

We went to a different headquarters. It was nice, I was playing games with Yosano and Rampo, straight up chillin. Wars are boring.

“Something is up.” Rampo said, pointing to the security cameras. They were losing signal one by one, and on the last one there he was, my little lion man. I kept a straight face in fear they would know that we are still friends, kind of.

“Yosano, Kenji, go.” The President said, I catched him slightly looking at me, but then turned his gaze away.

I was looking at the camera left, curiosity making me tremble in anticipation. I have never seen Chuuyas ability, and gravity manipulation, how cool is that? I was unconsciously smiling at the sight of the man with a hat on the camera.

And then I wasnt, he fucking threw Kenji away by hitting him with a railroad. I got pissed, I took my sword and knives and walked to the underground railroad. 

He was about to punch Kenji, and I put myself in the middle, cause I am a rascal. His fist stopped right in front of my face. Chuuyas expression was priceless, between surprise and joy. 

I smiled at him, and then punched him. 

He was so used to turning his ability off with me that he didn't even notice he let his guard down. I gotta say, he just tumbled a little bit. I am sad  but impressed that the man my height was that strong physically without using his ability.

“You touch my fake son again and I'm clawing your eyes off” I yelled at him, and turned to Kenji, inspecting his face and if he had any damage. 

“Hey, kittycat” Chuuya said, whipping the blood out of his nose. 

“Sup, little lion man” I responded without looking at him for a second, and then throwing a knife at him. It stopped right in the middle of his forehead, the knife had a red aura glowing around it, and then it dropped to the ground. 

He then jumped and positioned himself on the roof, standing upside down, his hat not falling nor his hair moved out of place. 

“That's so cool ~” Kenji said with stars in his eyes. 

“I know right?!.” I said with excitement in my voice. He looked mesmerizing. The way he carried himself with confidence and pride made sense now, not that it wasn't justified by his personality and looks alone, but having that type of ability and power…It's godly.  

“I come here in good faith, in honor of a former friendship'' he said looking at me.

“ Fuck off shorty! ” I yelled at him and a vein popped, I did it on purpose, since Dazai calls him that and he is kind of sensitive about his height. Everything's fair in love and war. 

“ Don't fucking call me that, Ill kill you! ” he screamed and pointed at me, and I just flipped him off. This was so fun, I get why Dazai teases him so much. 

“Well listen to what you have to say.” The President's voice rang through the intercom. 

Things are about to get tricky.

Chapter Text

Well, things got tricky alright. 

The whole city was going insane, apparently it was because of some scary ability that a child has. Child that was in custody of the Port Mafia and freed by the Guild. It is pretty troublesome. I was told to keep inside the Agency's office, but this is terrifying, people hurting each other or themselves. 

So I didn't stay put. I took a big bag and threw into it all the first aid kits and stuff that I could find, and headed out. I know I am useless fighting people with abilities, but I can give basic medical attention. 

Screams and blood were everywhere. I kept trying to help people but they just started moving and opening their wounds and tearing down the bandages that I put on them. I was getting frustrated, no one was telling me anything anymore. 

I heard my phone ring and I answered by putting earbuds on so I could try and help people. 

“What the hell are you doing out?!” Dazai yelled through the phone, he has never screamed at me.

“I am helping people, and don't fucking yell at me!” I said while putting some gauze on a man that tried to freaking punch me. 

“Have you stepped on a branch or root?” He keeps screaming at me and I don't like it.

“I don't know, maybe, who knows I am busy, and you should too! Ah fuck I did step on a root I almost fell jeez-”I said as he hanged up on me. I hate his guts. 

I got over it and kept on trying my best to put bandages on bleeding heads and arms, and legs. Taking people out of cars and cleaning their wounds. 

I look like hell, my hair is all over the place, I have blood and dirt showing in the white streak of my hair, I have my own cuts and slashes in my arms and legs, and some even on my face from trying to fend off people without hurting them. 

And I see a fucking car going straight into me while I tripped on the floor. Can I cut a car with a sword or is it like a long shot?

Then it stopped, a long black coat that looked like a cape in front of me. Fiery long red hair flowing with the wind, a man holding the car with just a kick. 

“Why the fuck cant you just stay put?” He growled at me and I just smiled, big wide cheeky smile. 

“Because I am a rascal.” I told him, making a peace sign with my hands. 

He pulled me up way too forcefully making me crash into him.

“Ouch, if you wanted a hug you can just ask me for one” I said teasingly but hugged him putting my arms around his neck. I don't think I have given a proper hug since I came to this city. Sure, Dazai and I are comfortable around each other, and he has hugged me, but it mostly has been to bother me.

I could feel how tense Chuuya was, like he had not expected this, but he wrapped his arms around my waist. It feels nice getting hugged without an ulterior motive. 

“I have to get you out of here, Dazai called me freaking out because you were out.” He said in my ear without letting me go. 

“How did you know where I was? Has he put another fucking tracking device on me, I am sick of disposing of them, damn it” I said pulling away slightly to look at his face. His ears were red and his face was almost the same color of his hair. 

“Yeah, oh wait, you cut a root off a tree?” he asked me, squishing me unconsciously. 

“I did, everyone was tripping on that freaking root but why-” I was cut off by him taking his arms off my waist and taking my face with his hands, pulling it closely to his, a serious expression on his face, looking at my whole face as if he wanted to memorize it. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly but firm, taking off his gloves and touching my cheeks and forehead. 

“Are you feeling weird, hot? Are you hearing or seeing weird things?” he kept asking me with a serious tone and I just could not concentrate with him being so close to my face. So I pushed him away a little.

“Why are you being weird?” I said touching my own face.

“The ability is activated if you hurt a tree, and you did, you should be going crazy like the others” he said getting close to me again taking my hands off my face to put his. 

“Well I'm gonna if you keep getting so close to me!” I said taking his hands off my face again, I felt hot now, this is embarrassing, I look horrible, I don't even have eyeliner on. 

He looked at me puzzled, like he remembered that we are human beings and that I am a woman and that he is a man, his cheeks got red again and he stumbled back a little, mumbling something. He then got a phone call.

“What do you want?” he screamed through the phone, then looked pissed then a serious and cold expression formed on his face, he looked at me sadly and hung up. It was a rollercoaster and I didn't understand what was going on.

“Are you okay? You seem-” 

“Let's go.” was all he said and walked past me expecting me to follow him.

“Who was that?” I said indeed following him, he kept walking and ignoring me. So I pulled him by his cool coat that was hanging from his shoulders. 

He stopped suddenly, making me crash into him again.

“It was the idiotic bastard, so just shut up and lets get going”. He said in a serious cold tone. It surprised me in a bad way, i felt my chest hurt but ignored it and followed him in silence.

I expect cold shoulders and no empathy from Dazai, but coming from Cabernet, who had always treated me like he called me, a princess . 

I walked with my eyes down to the floor the whole time, but I still held onto his coat the whole time like a lost child.

Chapter Text

Chuuya has been avoiding the young woman, not answering her texts or calls, for the next two days. They have been communicating with each other for a while, using a different phone he got for each of them. 

The Executive was not pissed at her, well maybe a little, nor he was pissed, surprisingly with his ex partner. He was angry at himself and the situation he got himself into. He remembered the short phone call, clear as day.

“Stop flirting with my honeybear Chuuya, she's not yours to play with.” Dazai said slyly and kind of threateningly. 

“Remember your place, people don't chose you, they leave you, get your fucking feet back to earth, what makes you think this friendship of yours is going to last, you live in the shadows, you crawl on the dirt and blood of the city, you really want her to have that life? You know she's better with the Agency, with me.” His ex-partner hung up and Chuuya had nothing to say but everything to feel, he hated when Dazai said truthful words in a fake happy tone. 

Nakahara Chuuya is giving up. Once again sacrificing his own happiness for the greater good, for someone else's happiness. He knows Dazai was being a manipulative son of a bitch, he was being selfish and he was no good either for her, but the Agency is. He knew that and he was on his way of accepting that. 

So he was just going to push her away until things cool down. 

• ♦○

“You want to form an alliance with the Port Mafia?” Kunikida's voice raised. 

“That's a bold idea, Atsushi-kun” I said surprised, to be honest it sounds like a good strategy, taking down the Guild was a priority and the City was almost destroyed by their antics. The Port Mafia might be a criminal organization, but they have the honor to defend their territory. 

“I guess I can arrange a meeting” Dazai said, while laying his head on my lap, we are kind of talking again. After Chuuya led me to him, Dazai and I have been on friendly terms given the situation. Well, he is taking advantage that I don't want to fight right now. I'll fight with him later. Still not forgiven, plus, I'm sure he said some weird shit to Chuuya and that's why he is ignoring me now. When in doubt, blame Dazai. 

“Why would you be the one doing that?” Kunikida asked Dazai with an eyebrow raised.

“Uuh, because hes ex Port Mafia, not only that, he was an Executive, who would have thought this stupid and lanky man could have been a Mafia big shot.” I said taping Dazais head while he just had a goofy smile on. 

“ WHAT ” Kunikida was in shock, how did he not know? Even since the conflict started everyone pretty much knew Dazais little secret. 

“Yeah everyone knew… so anyways, are you guys talking again?” Atsushi asked, pointing at us.

“It's only a temporary truce, he has not been forgiven” I said while making little braids in Dazai's hair, and smiled at Atsushi. Then lower my face close to the lazy detective's face.

“But you and I are gonna have a talk later about something” I said kind of menacingly. 

“ Uuh you sound scary, I kinda like it, you should do it more~” He winked at me and I flicked him on the forehead. 

☆☆☆

So, I went to the meeting, partially because I wanted to see if Chuuya was there. He wasn't. But I got to see the most important people in the Port Mafia, including the boss himself, Mori Ougai. 

I was standing behind Dazai, that was his only condition to stay close and behind him. So I did, clinging to him with my finger through the belt loop of his trench coat. 

Dazai's aura was different in the meeting, he looked taller, less lanky and goofy. He looked like someone who gives orders and makes other people bend their knee to him. His face remained the same but I could see his eyes getting darker, especially when Mori spoke to him. 

"Ah, is the little lady hiding behind you the Agency's newest member?" He said looking at me, his words were friendly but his voice was not, his eyes looked empty and lifeless. 

Dazai tensed up and pushed me forward so that I was in front of him, he put an arm around my shoulders and held me close to him, looking straight at Mori.

"Yeah, she's a very important person to me, so kindly stay away♥" he said while wrapping his other arm around my waist. I felt like a prey being squished by a serpent. 

"Also for your own good, she's pretty capable around sharp objects, trained by the President himself, and me obviously, she won't go out without a fight, she'll take an eye or two." Dazai added, putting his head next to mine so they were touching. 

I felt dirty, as if he was announcing to everyone that I am his plaything and no one is allowed to play with his toys. Still, I know this was the deal, I was the one that gave him the idea to protect me from Mori so I could stay in touch with Chuuya. 

"I see, she looks lovely, a little too old for me, but beautiful nevertheless no wonder our Chuuya had an interest in her too" he said looking at Dazai, they keep talking like I am not here. 

"I am here you know, don't talk as if I am just a lifeless doll." I said pushing Dazai slightly, taking off the arm around my waist from me, but keeping him close.

"Mori Ougai, if you keep sending your hellhound to hunt Atsushi-kun or hurting ANY of my friends, I'll cut your head off myself." I said in a firm tone, looking directly into his eyes and touching the handle of my sword. 

"You got spunk I see, well I am turning down the alliance" he said, closing his eyes and turning around. 

"Dazai, there's always a place for you in the Mafia if you want to come back" Mori said, turning his head back a little to look at Dazai who still had his arm around my shoulder. 

"Even your little pet can join if she wants, I'm sure Chuuya would be thrilled" he added in a mischievous tone accompanied by a smirk.

And… threw a knife at him, he deflected it with a scalpel, a surprised look on his eyes. The black lizard members got in a defensive position to protect their boss. 

"Call me a pet again and see what happens, you fucking pedohile." I said in a low tone, my words dripping with poison and anger. 

"I can see you trained her well, Fukuzawa-dono" Mori's eyes looking into mine, I could feel the cold gaze trying to intimidate me but I stood my ground.

"I did, so please don't taunt her. Plus, if you insult one of my Agency's members one more time, I'll be the one to respond" The President said in a serious tone. 

"Mori-san, you were always afraid that I would slit your throat in the middle of the night, just as you did to the former Mafia boss before you, you can't deny it since I was there, so don't forget  that your fear is perfectly sustented, evil expects evil from others, and you should" Dazai's voice was cold and emotionless, his eyes were glowing red, bloodlust filled the atmosphere. 

And we went back to the office, Dazai went somewhere else for a while and I went home. 

At around 9 pm he came knocking at my door, his arm on a sling, saying we had a special mission. 

And it was monstrous, quite literally.

Chapter Text

Dazai was the one driving, I am holding on to the passenger grab handle with dear life. He was driving with one hand and going as fast as he could, listening to Kpop on full volume and singing along. I am about to start praying honestly.

He didn't tell me where we were going and why. The only thing he told me was that I was going to accompany him to assist and protect him since he has a hurt arm. He gave me a hint saying we were going to retrieve something in location and that it should be easy but it wasn't going to be. 

“I am treating you to a great sight, something you have never seen before in your life, and can't be seen nowhere else, our own, almost, tourist attraction. You should be excited and thank me for being so good to you!!!” Dazai told me while driving, looking directly at me and not at the road, I probably look terrified and he is enjoying it. 

We ended up on a lonely road surrounded by forest. He climbed out of the car and so did I. I took a bag filled with weapons and hung it from my shoulder, and we started walking till we saw a little house made out of red brick. He stopped walking and turned to me.

“You are going to stay here, you will only enjoy the show until you see we come out of the shed, and then we will need your assistance. You are not to act on your own unless I tell you too. This is not a selfish whim, this is a plan of action so you will follow it through, do you understand?” Dazai said to me in a low tone, it was not exactly threatening nor cold, but it was dead serious. 

“Who is we ?” I asked genuinely confused. He didn't tell if someone else from the Agency was coming to help us. Dazai just made a strange face, as if he had tasted some food that had gone bad and ignored my question. 

“Just enjoy the show okay? No matter what you see, stay put until we come back from the shed, you will take care of the thing we will retrieve, oh also, take this” he said, handing me an ear piece, which I put on immediately. 

“You are going to be able to hear everything I do and I will hear everything you say, so if you are in trouble or see something tell me” he said putting his hand on the top of my head and messing up my hair.

And so he went away and I stayed. 

I stood hidden and watched as he got fucking surrounded by the enemy, but I trust Dazai, not as a person, but as a strategist I really do. Everyone in the Agency recognized that Dazai never loses, unless he wants to, unless there is an ace up his sleeve, so I stayed put and enjoyed the show as he said. 

And then something came down crashing heavily into the ground, red glow around every person aiming at Dazai, and I watched the enemy be pulled to the ground by the weight of gravity . 

Oh it is really going to be show. 

“Ugh, I knew my bad mood had a reason.” Dazai said, sticking his tongue out as if tasting a sour candy.

“Don't take me wrong, after I take out this trash, you are next” Chuuya said pointing a finger at Dazai. 

I get why now they called them Double Black and why they were so feared. Not a second passed when the bunch of enemies were defeated, even the two ability users that were guarding the place. Dazai gave Chuuya signals and he attacked as Dazai said, and they were not even explicit orders, they were subtles looks, a smile, an eyebrow raised, a small movement of a finger. Chuuya understood it all. 

I was indeed in awe. 

How can these two people say they hate and don't understand each other so much, but be so in sync? 

They went in and I kept hearing them tease and fight with one another. Apparently Dazai blew Chuuya's car when he left the Mafia. I couldn't help but chuckle at how the shaggy haired detective pushed Chuuya's buttons and the ginger almost always fell for it. 

Then they were talking about murdering a child, and I stood up. The thing we are retrieving is the child with the cursed ability. No matter how deadly a kid is, he is still a child and they don't deserve death. 

“You kill that child and I will never forgive both of you and I will murder you too.” I said remembering Dazai can hear me too. He then said he wasnt going to kill the kid as a form of self preservation to protect himself from the Mafia, Dazai was probably never going to murder the child, but I was still taken aback from Chuuya really suggesting it. I get the reason for his anger and hurt but I stand by the fact that kids are not to blame, I bet they weren't asked to have that kind of ability. 

I heard them come back up and I started to get near the place, coming out of my hiding place, since Dazai said I was going to take care of the kid, but I was lost on my thoughts, my anger growing towards the little lion man, he was not only ignoring me, he wanted to kill a poor child. 

And they got attacked, oopsie .

Chuuya was thrown to the ground along with the child. Then Dazai stepped on Chuuya saying a quirky remark. Honestly, the redhead deserves it. 

Another tentacle, was going towards them and I ran to cut it with my sword protecting the stupid lanky man that was obviously waiting for me to come out and do my job, he didnt even move an inch, he could have fucking died if I hadnt cut that thing . 

“Why the fuck didnt you move?! You want to go out like that? It's going to be ugly and bloody, not pretty at all! What the fuck is wrong with you!” I screamed at Dazai and he just gave me a fake sweet smile. Then I turned to Chuuya who was still on the floor and I stomped him slightly.

“And you… one how dare you fucking ghost me, what did I ever did to you! At least give me a fucking reason for the change of heart! Two, wanting to kill a child is low, I get he is your height but choose someone your age to fight!” I also yelled at him and he didn't do much, he let me stomp him a little, hiding his face with his hat.

“Oh, my beautiful bodyguard! Fear not, for I can cancel any and all abilities, this is nothing for me!” Dazai said flamboyantly and then got blown away by a tentacle. 

Chuuya stood up and pushed me away so I wouldn't get hurt and punched the thing. That is a thing, Dazai should have nullified the ability, which means that's not an ability, it is him, he is not human he is a creature. I ran and took the child carrying it on my back and ran towards Dazai, Chuuya catched up with me, screaming Dazai's name.

“You are hurt pretty badly” Chuuya said in a worried tone, looking at the detective's state, he was pretty messed up, blood coming out of his head and mouth. 

“Aw, you do care for your old partner” I teased the redhead while poking his cheek, he got flustered and pushed my hand away. 

I took the kid and lowered him in a nearby tree, and watched them talk, naming different strategies with weird and specific names. They look like old friends.

“So what do I do?” I asked them while standing near the kid referred to as Q. 

“You sit down, princess. We'll get the job done” Chuuya said, looking past me but not at me, he looked kind of embarrassed.

“Ew, stop calling my pretty eyes that, but yeah you keep an eye on Yumeno, and don't move unless it's necessary” Dazai said annoyed, but not at me, but at Chuuya. 

And so I did, the show was mesmerizing, Chuuya and Dazai were moving like they could predict each and every move the other one did. But nothing seemed to work, and the thing turned into a full on monster. So They started to fight with each other. 

“Think about something inside that dumb head of yours, you waste of badages!”

“Well if you weren't so weak! Useless dog! Not good enough for this, and not good enough for her!”

Suddenly a tentacle went straight to Q and I reacted, blocking the thing with my sword but it snapped hitting me and throwing me away, rolling in the ground and metal shards from the sword. I could hear the stupid men scream at me, and I just kept thinking about the kid. I stood up stumbling and wiping the blood off my eyes, hands covered in red. 

I took a knife out of my boot, and it slipped out of my bloody wet hands cutting my in the process, the blade now covered my own red. And I ran to Q positioned myself in front of him. 

“Could you stop fucking yelling at each other and do something about this!” I screamed at both of them as loud as I could. I didn't feel good, my head was hurting, my hand was stinging from the fresh cut and I was getting sleepy. 

Another tentacle came and I stabbed it into the ground with the dagger I had on my hand, blood dripping into it. A faint sizzling sound started to come from it. 

“Honey, go get the bow” Dazai said to me, you see, I have been learning archery as a hobby because I have always thought of it as a cool form of art and defense, so I brought it along, I don't know how a bow and arrows is going to have an impact on the big ass monster.

“Chuuya, it's your choice” Dazai said looking at the tentacle moving in the ground and then at his former partner.

“She has to go, she's not seeing that.” Chuuya said, looking at me while I took my bow out of the bag and raised an eyebrow. I did not understand the conversation. 

“I am not seeing what?” I said bow in hand and arrows on my back. 

“Chuuya's ability true form” Dazai said briefly, looking at the tentacle that hasn't gotten out of the knife's grip since I put it there. 

“Why not?” I was confused.

“It's not pretty, and I don't want you to see me like that” Chuuya said, looking straight at the enemy and avoiding my gaze.

“I think the only interesting thing about you, honestly.” Dazai added looking bored. 

I put the bow down, walked to Dazai and slapped him, then walked to the surprised chuuya and slapped him too. These men were getting on my nerves, once again throwing me around like a rag doll, not even asking for my opinion, not understanding the situation because of their pride getting in the way.

“Now, you will listen to me, I don't care if its not pretty, I don't care if you guys hate each other, you will stop behaving like little kids and be fucking grown. Also, neither of you get to decide what's best for me, stop making conversations about me, without me. Chuuya, if you have the power to stop that thing please do. Dazai, if you can help Chuuya with that please assist him, also stop staring at things and tell me what to do I know something is going on that pretty head of yours” I said taking a deep breath after, they still looked shocked that I had slapped both of them out of nowhere.

Chuuya walked away towards the big ass green monster.

“ Oh, Grantors of Dark Disgrace, Do not wake me again. ” I heard him say as he took off his hat and glowing red marks appeared on his arms and face. 

I held my breath without noticing. The air changed direction, the atmosphere felt heavy, it was as if the world stopped. As if a divine occurrence was taking place.

I turned to face Dazai who was now holding a member of the guild, knife to his throat.

“That's corruption, a divine power hidden inside Chuuya, manipulating the gravity around him on a finer and more complex manner he can create black holes that swallow anything and everything around him, but he has no control of it, more like he loses control of himself, entering on a frenzy that only allows him to destroy everything on his path, also destroying his body in the process. I am the only one who can stop him before he collapses and dies.” Dazai said to me looking in awe at the force of nature that Chuuya has become. I was mesmerized too. It was not ugly, it was rather beautiful, there is a unique beauty in chaos and destruction, and Chuuya was the embodiment of it.

“You are going to take the bomb that's in my pocket and attach it to the arrow, and try to hit it on the center, the arrow will pass through, as long as it has your blood on it” He added, looking at me with excitment on his eyes, like a kid that has just learned something on chemistry class. 

“What, why my blood?” I asked taking the small device that was in his pocket and attach it to the arrow with some bandages that were also inside his coat. 

“I'll tell you later, just trust me, also hurry up, Chuuya is not going to last long” He commanded and I followed. I took the arrow and cut my arm with it to soak it in my blood.

I walked towards the huge mess that was going on, no matter how many attacks Chuuya launched at Lovecraft, the monster kept regenerating. I stood my ground and took a deep breath holding the arrow in place and pulling it back slowly. My hands were shaking, my opponent is big so I am not scared of missing, I am scared of the arrow actually piercing it's tough skin, because… what does that make me?

I let go of the arrow. It went through effortlessly.  

Chapter Text

The arrow went through and and the bomb went off, just as Chuuya finished the enemy off, big hit of air throwing us back. I saw Dazai fly past me, and I got detained by my back hitting a tree. 

I think I blacked out for like a second. 

I stood up holding my head and saw Chuuya, his eyes were practically white, blood coming out of them, also from his nose, mouth and head. He is really going to die. I inspected my surroundings and didn't see Dazai near, I yelled his name but not no response. 

Chuuya was walking towards me, throwing black circles of compressed gravity into the floor, laughing maniacally, as if he was enjoying the storm of chaos he was bringing to his surroundings. 

“Chuuya, you need to stop, you are going to die!” I screamed at him, moving slowly to the side to see if he was indeed seeing me or just walking without direction, but as I moved he moved. I have no more weapons left, they have all been lost on the impact. Plus, I don't want to hurt Chuuya more than he already is. 

He then ran directly towards me, and I also ran, I just kept avoiding his attacks and running away from him like this was a children's game, tag your it, gone deadly. He was not listening to me and I could see discoloration on his skin, he was losing blood really fast, his movements were also slowing down. I still couldn't see Dazai anywhere near. 

We both stopped running and just stood in front of each other with some distance, we were looking like hell. Blood dripping from our heads, I was tired. Chuuya looked so lonely? I looked at his eyes, it was as if he was not there, not entirely gone, just far away. So I walked up to the devastation personified, he didn't move but was on a defensive stance. 

I just hugged him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and touched his hair.

“Please just stop, I don't want you to die” I said softly. I felt electricity run through my fingers and face, like small shocks of energy. Chuuya didn't move, it was as if he was playing a game of statue. I could feel his breath, a shallow and troubled breath. 

“Ew, don't hug stray dogs, you are going to get fleas all over you” I heard Dazai say and could see the blue light deactivate the redhead's ability. Chuuya's weight falling into me and making me fall to the ground. I sat there on the ground with Chuuyas head on my lap. He was deep asleep. 

“Let's go, pretty eyes, our job is done.” Dazai said, looking down at me.

“Are we going to leave him here in this condition? Also the kid?” I said in an angry tone, the Executive was badly hurt, the worst out of the three of us.

“He should be fine, there is a point of extraction near where I was supposed to hand Q, but they can find them on their own, lets just go, I am tired!” The detective whined like a little child and I gave him a serious look. 

“I'll take them there, just tell me where it is.” I said in a low and tired tone. I'm not sure I can carry Chuuya and Q at the same time but I can try. Dazai was not looking happy, his jaw tense a little bit and his eyes closed a bit, almost unnoticeable, but I have learned to read his little expressions. 

“Do what you want. I am leaving” He said and turned around, leaving me with the pass out man and boy to figure out things on my own. Dazai is pissed. 

♠♠♠

I had the child on my back and I was straight up dragging Chuuya's unconscious body to the spot that Dazai told me. I feel like dying, the stupid detective would love to hear that, too fucking bad he left me here alone, I might have told him that we could jump off a cliff by now. 

I made it to the place and there was a helicopter and an older man, very elegant looking, was there. He eyed me and raised an eyebrow. 

“Hi, I'm here to give this to you I guess” I said pointing to Chuuya who was lying on the ground covered in dirt and blood, and Q who was sleeping on my back. 

“Where's Dazai-san?” the man asked with no expression. 

“Does it really surprise you that he dipped? And don't give him honorifics, he doesn't deserve them” I said laying Q on the ground and I also dropped myself to the ground, I was so tired. There I was lying between the boy and the man, adults looking like hell. Q looked more or less okay, tho it worried me that he hasn't woken up.

The poor man looked exhausted just by looking at us, he let out a sigh and lit a cigarette.

“Can I get one of those?” I asked sadly and laughing a little bit, the man looked at me judging but still gave me one. I looked at Chuuya and took some bandages I had in my pocket and started to wrap them around his head carefully, a cigarette hanging from my mouth. 

“Why did you make the effort to take them all the way here, even though Dazai-san left?” The older man asked, watching me trying to help with the mess Chuuya was at the moment. 

“I couldn't leave them there, one is just a kid, the other one is my friend” I said, trying to clean the blood out of the redhead's face but it was just getting more messy. 

“We are the enemy, you are Agency, we are Port Mafia, my name is Hirotsu by the way” He said, taking a puff of his cigarette.

“Well, right now there was an alliance, and I think the Agency and the Port Mafia are not so different, just different sides of the same coin, you are the night we are the day, but we both want the city to survive and thrive” I said, still focusing my attention to the passed out man. 

“Mmm… is that so. How are you going to head back home? We can offer you a lift out of gratitude, for taking care of our men” He said, his tone was less defensive.

“No thanks, I may be stupid enough to be friends with this Executive, but not idiotic enough to get myself in a helicopter surrounded by Port Mafia members, I'll find my way back” I told him giving him a warm smile and standing up.

“Oh, take this, I had to look for it everywhere but I did found it, it's the one he always wears, it looks older than some of his hats so I figured he would miss it” I handed the older man the hat, it was kind of dirty and torn in some places, but nothing that couldn't be fixed. 

Then I walked into the forest and figured my way out of it and into the highway. Dazai was still in the car, waiting for me, just listening to his tunes. I opened the door, and he gave me a childish pout.

“What took you so long! I am starving!” He yelled and puffed his cheeks like a kid, and I just gave him a soft smile, I had no energy to fight. 

I fell asleep on the way back, I was so tired that I could have sworn his driving wasn't half bad.

Chapter Text

I fell asleep during most of the conflict. 

It's almost embarrassing. After the retrieving Q mission Dazai took me home and tucked me in as little kid, and I woke up 17 hours later, then woke up, took a shower, ate a cold bagel and fell asleep again, and by the time I woke up and process that I had totally neglected the fact that there was a war going on. Atsushi and Akutagawa had saved the day?

Dazai called me saying how cool it was and that I should have been there. I hung up on him out of frustration. 

I called Chuuya but had no response, I don't know if he was still sleeping. I figured that he could be out cold for a while, considering the severity of his injuries and well, they don't got a Yosano.  

It looks like our normal work dynamic is gonna go back to normal. I still haven't thought about what I'm going to do with Dazai and Chuuya. I have not forgiven the lazy detective. Well, I have but my pride has not, he keeps getting away with a lot of things, and I don't want to contribute to his selfish behavior. And I also want an explanation from Chuuya, and that's about it, if he decides we are going to cut contact then I want him to say it to my face not just ignore me.

I was on my way to the Agency with some pastries, the city has been peaceful since the ruckus caused by the Guild. I got a text from Chuuya in the morning saying “I am alive, kind of, thank you” and that's it. Guess things are still weird, I'll handle that later.

The office was the same as before, the siblings being weird and acting so not like siblings, Rampo was eating some chips and drinking a soda early in the morning, Yosano was looking at pictures of bodies, Kunikida was beating the shit out of Dazai and Atsushi was trying to get him to stop. Nature was healing. 

I took a seat after leaving the pastries in the small kitchen we had and started to write the report of the night we fought that thing called Lovecraft. Since there were some parts where I was separated from Dazai I had to fill those holes in the report, it was supposed to be done by the both of us, but good luck getting Dazai to do his work.

Dazai sat down on his chair and slid his way into my desk, having no respect for personal space like always. I continued to type the report acting like I hadn't noticed his presence. He kept staring at me and putting his face close to mine, his nose almost touching my cheek, I just kept my deadpan face and kept ignoring him.

“ Why are you ignoring meeeeee ” he whined in my ear making me flinch, I threw him a dirty and angry look, then proceed to keep typing the events of that awesome night. 

“Are you still mad at me?” he said faking being hurt and sad and I rolled my eyes in response. 

“Tell me what can I do to make it better? Should I throw myself in front of a train? Or I could swim with sharks and let them take a limb or two? How about I bath myself in acid to end this endless suffering of not having you by my side? Oh please just forgive me… pretty pretty pretty please!” He said fake crying, tears were coming out of his eyes, he is a talented actor. 

“Keep giving options that would end up in you dying, I wont forgive you by doing exactly what you want, stupid” I said in a monotone voice, still not looking at him. I gotta be honest with myself, I like this. Dazai giving me attention was sublime, especially when even though his options for earning my forgiveness aren't realistic, he still wants me to forgive him, for his own selfish reasons, but still I have something that he wants, and that gives me power . 

“Do you really want me to forgive you?” I said in a low, almost seductive voice. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. His eyes lit up at the attention I was giving him.

“ Yes! I'll do anything! I'll even sacrifice Atsushi to the Gods if necessary!” He said pointing towards the poor tigey boy that looked horrified. 

I stopped typing on my laptop, I let out a long sigh and turned at him. His face inches away from mine, I grabbed him from his bolo tie and pulled him near me, so my mouth was near his ear. 

“I want you to tell me why you left the Mafia, no made up story, no half assed truth. I want you to be real with me. If you try to lie I will notice and I will cut your fingers one by one and never speak to you again” I whispered in his ear. I was smirking, fully knowing he would tell me, he had promised me this before so he has no excuse. 

I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away. He was not happy I could tell. He had a fake small smile on his lips but his eyes were dark and his body language was tense. I was looking at him with an innocent smile, looking like a spoiled brat that had asked her parents for a new doll after breaking the one she already had. 

“Fine. you want it, you got it, pretty eyes” He said softly and went back to his desk.

“You guys need to stop that kind of behavior in the office, this is a work environment” kunikida said looking shocked. 

“Yeah be weird in the commodity of your own home but not here please” Atsushi added looking flustered by the interaction of his fake parents. 

♦♦♦

I heard a knock on my door. I knew he was going to come so I mentilized myself, I got the hello kitty cups out and got everything under control.

“Since when do you knock?” I asked him while opening the door. There he was looking…different. His hair was brushed, one strand of hair tucked behind his ear. He wasn't wearing his normal trench coat, or vest, and khaki color pants. He was wearing a beige color jumper, navy blue collar coming out of it, untucked shirt, and black pants. The only familiar thing were the bandages wrapped around his body.

“I just came to pick you up, you ready?” I was confused, and I'm sure he saw it on my face cause he just gave me smirk. 

“No I am not ready, you didn't tell me we were going out, what is going on. Don't try to get yourself out of the deal we have” I told him squinting my eyes, he just laughed, and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the apartment.

We were walking through the city, we were not really talking, just small chat and casual remarks, the air between us was kind of shy, I looked at him from the corner of my eye once in a while and he did the same. I looked at the stores and the people, I noticed the stolen glances of others, we standed out because one, I am a foreigner, two, Dazai is handsome, the turning heads type of face, he was tall and walks like he knows he is attractive. 

It was making me self conscious. Not that I think I am horrible looking, I am pretty average, in both looks and body complexion, I would even be considered a little chubby in asian beauty standards, not that that matters, I am healthy and that's what matters, but oh the stares. Looking at Dazai then at me, and then a face. I know it shouldnt mean nothing and these are just my insecurities getting the best of me but I felt small. 

I kept my gaze on my shoes, black DrMartens. Converse are too frail for the type of job we do so I switched, it took a while breaking this bitches in but they were finally comfortable. I know I am rambling because I am nervous.

Then I felt him search for my hand, he took it and intertwined our fingers. I looked up to him, with a confused stare, but he just acted like he didn't notice my eyes glancing at his. 

“What are we doing Osamu?” I asked him in a defeated tone. I am getting irritated. 

“We are on a date of course! And don't worry we are almost to the place I want to take you!” he said in a cheerful tone, and I felt my ears get hot. This man always does what he wants. 

“And when did I agree to go out on a date with you?” I said in an angry tone, I was not angry I was just embarrassed. 

“You want me to take you back to your apartment so you can watch Gilmore Girls for the tenth time?” He said, looking at me raising an eyebrow and wearing a triumphant smile he knows what my answer is.

I kept quiet and followed him along, letting him drag me by the hand to God knows where. 

We made it to a small park, it was kind of far, we have been walking for like half an hour. He led us to a bench where he told me to sit down and then he proceeded to climb the tree beside us, bringing down a small locked box. He sat beside me and opened it. A bottle of sake was inside, along with two cups and cat treats. I am so confused.

He whistled and cats came. A lot of cats, like 10 cats of different sizes and colors, and I am in heaven.

“Now we drink and give treats to the kitties” he said with a smile on his face, one that almost seemed honest.

We started drinking just talking about the cats and giving them names and playing with them, and this dynamic is getting me pretty drunk, Dazai has a pretty incredible alcohol tolerance, it's kind of unfair. 

“What's unfair?” oh I said that out loud.

“That you don't get drunk” I said, might as well tell the truth.

“I do get drunk, just not easily” He laughed and took a sip of his drink.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, loved the liquid confidence. He looked at me and stared at me for a while. I was looking at a cat playing with a leaf.

“Because I want to” He said, turning to the sky. 

“I know you always do as you please, but why is this something you want?” I asked, looking at him while he looked at the stars. He looked so normal making figures of the stars, if I couldn't see the bandages on his neck I could have confused him by a normal person with a normal job.

“Do you want to know my answer or want self reaffirmation that will cool down the insecurities that appeared while we were walking down the street” he said in a monotone voice. 

“No, we are not doing that, you are not flipping the script each time I try to get close, you are the one that brought me here, you are the one that told me that wanted me here.” I said looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. I took a sip of my drink and turned my gaze to the ground.

I heard him sigh.

“I want to feel like I am really human. Like I can enjoy things that are enjoyable for everyone else, I get tired of faking it you know? I wanted to know what a date is like when you don't have to act. And I couldn't think of anyone else who would at least notice some of my performances and call me out on them” He said looking now in front of him as if, once again, there was something that I could not see. “So yes, this is also one of my selfish desires in which I don't give you a choice but to comply” He finished saying and took a sip of his drink. 

“Why do you feel the need to take things instead of asking for them?” I asked, now looking at the stars.

“Because when I have what I want, it disappears the moment they touch my hands, so I grab them and hold them capriciously, in hope they will stay a little longer. It never works though” He said in a sad tone, no defenses were up, whether it be the alcohol or the sudden closeness, I will take this honesty. 

“I won't disappear, you know? You have to ask for me to have me. Otherwise you will lose me” I said without thinking about the emotional implications that it could bring. 

“And no one likes losing their favorite toy, it's really a bummer” I said, turning my face to him and pouting. He looked at me as if there was a map on my eyes, and he was trying to get somewhere. 

“You are not a toy anymore, I have got bored of playing with you, it's not fun when they ace my tests.”  He said in a low tone, his expression not changing. “You are someone I wish to know, without any particular reason” he reached a hand to touch my cheek, and then he squished my face with his face, “but I gotta tell you that in my grand plan you do have a part, hopefully you will participate willingly, and I am telling you this because I respect you as your own being” he said in a joking tone even though he wasn't joking, his face was close to mine and he just kept looking at me, my cheeks are getting red and he isnt letting go off my face.

So I just stared back, waiting for his next move… and he let go and turned around, avoiding my gaze. I don't know if I have won or lost. I don't know what I wanted him to do. 

There was a moment of silence, the alcohol was doing its job and so I decided to entertain him.

“So if you want a date, I'll get you a proper one. Lets go bar hopping, but not your bars, lets go latino bar hopping” I said standing up and extending my hand. He looked at it then at me, then the goofy smile of his was right on his face again. 

We got to this bar (that I founded with Chuuya, but we are not going to say) it is run by Cubans, so you get great rum and great music, as soon as we entered Dazai looked at me with his eyes big and almost excited, like a child looking at christmas lights. There were people dancing and singing. 

“You are going to genuinely have fun if it's the last time I do today” I told him and we went to the counter and asked for shots of cheap rum, and then a good one that you could enjoy. After my fourth one, I was drunk enough to dance, and so I took the lanky ass boy to the dancefloor. I love salsa, I was just swaying my hips to the music and singing, and dancing with the other señoras. Dazai just kept looking at me like he had just met me, as if I was a brand new toy. I have never seen him doubt in the time I have met him, until he entered that dance floor filled with latinos. 

So I took his hands pulling him to me so he could follow my lead. His shoulders felt tense out of nervousness, looking like a baby taking first steps.

“You don't have to know, you have to feel! No one cares about technicalities here, there is no win or lose!, come on pretty boy let yourself be free for a while” I yelled at him, probably slurring my words and hoping he would hear me through the sound of the music. 

He did, he started to look around, how other people danced, and he copied them, grabbing me by the waist and the hand and just dancing. I hate that this man does everything perfectly once he understands it. 

Having him close I could see he was getting buzzed, so this mission is going well. 

We got out of the bar, and turned to face him, he had a soft smile on his face, not forced, not fake.

“I know that bar hopping and some dancing is not going to take away your demons and your pain, but I hope this can remind you that you can enjoy little things, that you are capable and deserve some comfort despite what you have done and lived, and I will always rather get you drunk and dancing than to mourn your absence.” I held his hand this time, and gave it a little squish, he looked at me with surprised puppy eyes. 

“But you gotta stop being a pain in the ass sometimes, talk shit get hit, always remember that” I said to ease the tension. 

We went to the next bar, it was a Mexican one with mariachi, and norteño, I blacked out after that. 

Chapter Text

I woke up feeling dizzy, the ceiling was spinning but my head was not hurting. I felt warmth. I noticed my pillow felt weird…so I turned my head a little and there I was laying on a bandaged chest.

Oh no , no no No nO NO

I tried to move carefully, Dazai had an arm on my waist, so I tried to break free carefully and make some distance. I wiggled my way out of his grip but stayed laying down. A lot of thoughts were going through my head.

I looked at Dazai, his stupid perfect profile. His hair falling on his face covering parts of his cheeks and eyes. He looked younger than he was, at peace, like if for the first time of his life he was feeling calm. 

For what the covers allowed me to see, he was not wearing a shirt, only his bandages, and I well…was wearing different clothes. The simple black dress from yesterday was now a big t-shirt and gray sweatpants that were too big for me.

The evidence is not good, did I sleep with him??!

"We didn't have sex so just please stop thinking and go back to sleep" a raspky sleepy voice said. 

Dazai had his eyes closed, he pulled the covers up and snuggled in. 

"Hey… so…care to explain what happened last night?" I said nervously and sat up laying on my elbows. 

 "Mmm I like seeing you confused and nervous, it's pretty cute" he said giggling and turning so he could see me. I just pouted my lips in disagreement. 

"You have different clothes because you didn't want to sleep in the dress because, quote " my ass is going to be out I move a lot in my shleep " end quote" Dazai said using a whiny high pitched voice to imitate mine. He had a huge grin on his face.

"Well drunk me is right, but like…"

"You changed alone, I just helped you with the zipper, I don't know why are you so prude-ish, you keep forgetting that the first time we met you were on your underwear, not only that, you jumped on top of me covered in blood and threaten me with a piece of sharp plastic, it was kinda hot not going to lie" he said laughing softly and looking at me resting his head in the palm of his head.

"Yeah please forget that it's not only traumatic, it's embarrassing" I said covering my face with my hands. He reached out and took my hands out of my face and just kept staring at me. 

"Detective, why am I not suffering from a horrible hangover?" I asked him in a serious tone, joking around to cut the tension. 

"Because, my darling Watson, you are still drunk." he said, nodding his head as if he had given a lot of thought to his conclusion. 

" Oh damn " I whispered. 

"Yeah, you are going to come down in a while, I on the other hand, am suffering from a terrible headache" he said closing his eyes, "how much of yesterday do you remember?" He asked with a smirk.

"Everything is blurry after the third tequila shot." I said in a defeated tone. Dazai started laughing knowing he remembers it all. 

"Oh no, what did I do, was it that bad?" I was scared, I can get pretty wild when drinking heavily, that's why I don't do it often. 

"It was fun, I had a lot of fun, thank you" he said in a soft voice, and I don't know if it was the light from the window hitting his eyes but they looked brighter. 

I got up and my butt hurts and also my leg? I started stretching, the oversized clothes feeling comfortable. Dazai was half sitting on the futon and looking at me as if solving a puzzle. Then he smirked, there came the smart remark.

"You look beautiful in my clothes" He said in a sly tone, eyeing me up and down, even though I was swimming in the big clothes and my figure was lost in them.

"My eyes are up here, pretty boy" I said jokingly, pointing at my eyes and laughing. 

"Why does my butt hurt? Did I fall?" I asked him, confused at the pain, and then a flashback of us in the Mexican bar dancing quebradita came to me. "Did you fucking dropped me in the quebradita???" I asked him accusingly and pointed a finger at him. 

"Of course not, I am good at everything, you fell on your ass walking back from the bathroom, I was far away so I couldn't catch you and honestly it was so funny I kind of wanted you to fall again" he said chuckling. My face is hot, oh god, I can't believe he saw me fall on my ass drunk.

"You sang La Gata Bajo la Lluvia too, such a show it was, people clapped and everything, you should get black out drunk more often" he just kept on torturing me with memories I dont have.

He stood up finally and we walked to the kitchen. We were in his apartment. The reason why he took us here instead of mine is yet to be discovered, but there must be a reason. It was a normal apartment, it was filled with empty bottles here and there, the colors were neutral, it looked like he did not pass much time here.

I excused myself to the bathroom because I had to pee, and of course I snooped around, I opened the cabinets and damn, there are a lot of different types of painkillers, sedatives, all the variety of controlled medication going on in here. It's sad. But Dazai is a sad depressed man, no matter how many smiles he fakes or jokes he tells, the reality of his emotional distress is always there. 

I closed the cabinet and looked at myself in the mirror, my hair is a mess, I had no makeup on? That's nice but weird. And then I saw it, a purple pinkish bruise on my neck… 

"DAZAI" I screamed at him, and I heard him chuckle mischievously. I got out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where he was drinking a glass of water.

"What the fuck is this??" I asked him angrily and pointing at the fucking hickey on my neck. 

"Uuuh that's a hickey, I thought that was obvious" he said as if he was telling me the sky was blue. 

"Yeah I know that… but how did I get a hickey?" I said, raising my eyebrow. 

"It happened in the Puerto Rican bar, you wanted to win a stuffed axolotl, it should be somewhere around here…" he walked around the apartment, and took out a small stuffed animal in the shape of a pink axolotl and handed it to me. It was so cute. And then it came back to me.

" Oh no…the nasty roulette… " I said , whispering to myself and clinging to the stuffed animal. 

"And we were lucky… that one was not even the nastiest one, well anyways, yeah you got pretty stubborn and well, you wanted the prize and you got it" he said winking at me. 

A sudden knock on the door was heard.

"Oh I ordered some food. Can you go get it? Now I have to pee" he said, running off. 

I opened the door and there was a very confused Atsushi looking at me holding a plastic bag. He eyed me up and down, then he saw my neck and he got red. Like a damn tomato. I was just paralized, the thoughts that must be going through his mind. 

We just stood there for like 2 minutes, then Dazai came and hugged me from behind by the waist.

"Thanks Atsushi-kun, bye!" And closed the door after taking the food. 

"You are mean, why do you gotta traumatize the child, he's probably thinking something that is not true" I told him whining but sitting down at a table in the living room waiting for the food. I could feel a headache coming.

"He is going to be fine, he probably imagines that has happened before, the whole Agency is just waiting to happen, his face was so funny don't you think?" He said laughing and taking out two hamburgers and chips. This is awful but great hangover food.

"That people think is going to happen doesn't mean that it will." I said, taking a bite. 

"It will, eventually, so make your peace with it" he said winking and I flipped him off. 

"So…what am I doing here, Osamu?" I finally say stealing a fry from his plate and looking at him. He avoided my gaze. 

"I will keep my promise and tell what you want to know-”

My phone rang, startling us both. I looked down to see the caller ID. “Cabernet” it read, Dazai made a funny face, but his eyes said he was actually pissed. I rolled my eyes at him. 

“Hey, good to know you are really alive” I said through the phone and continued to steal fries from Dazai's plate even though I had a full plate of them myself. 

“yeah… I am, I'm sorry I haven't reached out, it has been a couple of crazy days…” he sounded nervous as if he didnt know where he stands. 

“Don't worry about it, we should catch up later, but soon!” I told him, I turned to look at Dazai, he was getting impatient. He reached out and took the phone off my hands. 

“You talk to her later, it's my turn now, so goodbye!” He said to him and I could hear Chuuya screaming through the line, just as Dazai was going to hang up I took the phone out of his hands.

“I'm sorry about that, Dazai woke up annoyed, but I would prefer it if we could catch up in person, tell me how your schedule is looking, te quiero, byee” I said and hung up.

“Don't do that again, you may hate Chuuya but I don't so play nice” I said to the shaggy haired man pointing a single fry at him as if it was a weapon and he just rolled his eyes. 

“So, tell me about you, handsome.” I told him in a fake seductive tone.

“First you gotta promise me you are not going to hate me after you know who I am and what have I done.” he said seriously, if i didn't know better I would have thought he was nervous. He then proceeded to take out a paper from under the table and put it between us. 

 “I need you to sign this contract of unconditional love, it is a blood contract but a drop will be fine-”. He said jokingly, and I stood up and took a knife from the kitchen and pinched my finger and made a small heart with my blood on the paper. Dazai's face was indescribable, between confusion, surprise and I dare to say, joy. Taking advantage of his state of surprise, I took his own hand and pinched him and made a smudge with his blood on the paper. 

“There, it's done, but I got to let you know my love and affection are conditional, I will not stop caring for you knowing about your past, but it can stop because of your present and your future, so you better not take advantage of my savior complex.” I told him, raising my bloody finger in the air. 

“Understood, pretty eyes” He responded smiling and holding his in the air, and we kind of just pushed our bloody fingers together. The pact is done.

He let out a long sigh. 

“So you want chronological order or from the end to the start?” He said, once again looking past me as if there was something that I could not see.

“However you like, honey” I said softly and reached for his hand. 

“The first time I met Mori was at 13 or 14 years old, I went into his care after an obvious failed suicide attempt…” he started his story with the light turn off in his eyes. It was as if he was in automatic, like he just pressed play and a recording of his story started coming out of his mouth. 

He told be about how Mori took him under his wing and involved him in the murder or the former Mafia boss, how Mori recognized his talent and intellect but mold him with a cold grip because kindness is weakness, how he met Chuuya, how he tricked him into joining the Mafia, how he decided to give life a try, how he became Executive at age 16, how he took Akutagawa under his wing and abuse him in the name of making him strong, how he made friends and lost them without being able to do a thing, how he saw people die, how he saw people live, and how he didn't know which one was the side he was on. How he has killed, tortured, manipulated, comited almost every existent crime, exept for the sexual ones, because he “might be a murder but a sexual offender never”. And lastly how he is living on the whim of his dead friend. 

I could notice his hands shake a little now and then, how his voice got lower when talking about Odasaku and Ango, how he is not over it and how human this man really is and he doesn't even know it. 

He finished and kept looking through me, to the entity I could not recognize. 

“I wanted to be in my apartment when we talked about this, so if you decided to push me away, I would not feel rejected, I could fool myself thinking you decided to leave, not that it was something that I did or am.” He said with a fake smile.

I stood up, his eyes looked sad, sadder than always. I walked up to him and hugged him. This is the first time I have ever hugged him myself. I practically threw myself at him with my hands around his neck and my face in the crook of his neck. I don't know who needed the hug, him or me. His shoulders felt tense, and weirdly, he didn't hug me back, he just stayed there. 

“I'm sorry you had to have that life, you were just a kid, I will definitely stab Mori in the eye next time. Thank you for being honest with me for the first time in the time we have met” I said into his ear, his hair was tickling my cheek. 

“Are you going to stay? I will hurt you eventually.” He said in a monotone voice. I stopped hugging him but put my hands on his cheeks holding his face close to mine. 

“I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand.” I whispered looking into his dark eyes that it might be my imagination or my state between drunkenness and being hungover, but they seem to spark a little.

“Do you really want to leave Eden to follow this forsaken fallen angel?” He said getting closer to my face, I did not feel nervous or embarrassed, I felt…calm.

“Honey, Lilith is no Eve, she doesn't get fooled into biting the apple, she knows what she's getting into, she choses freedom, she choses knowledge, she choses chaos, she choses Lucifer.” I whispered as we got closer and closer to each other.

His hands went to my waist pulling me closer to him and our noses almost touched. 

Almost.

Chapter Text

He pushed me away. He pushed me away. He pushed me away. 

I can't believe this. Did I misread the situation? 

Dazai is always flirting with me, saying suggestive remarks at me, eyeing me from all over the room, winking at me, holding my hand, hugging me… I want to die, I really want to die, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I misread this, oh no , he opened up and here I was, being a whore? 

I am panicking. He is not looking at me, he is averting his gaze. I have to get out of here. 

“It's getting kind of late, so um… I'll let you rest” I said, standing up and grabbing my bag that was hanging on the coat rack by the entrance. I didn't even put my boots on, so I took them and ran out of that apartment. My heart feels like it's going to beat itself out of my chest. This is bad. 

Dazai didn't even say anything while I was running away. He didn't chase me or try to go after me, he didn't even ask what was going on. This is on me. I knew from the start that man was bad news, and here I am, literally sprinting away from his apartment without shoes on because I feel stupid. 

I don't know if I wanted to cry or laugh. Probably both. I don't even know where I am. I sat down on a fucking sidewalk and put my boots on. I must look crazy. I want to talk to someone but I don't know who, I usually talk to Dazai when I want to vent or want an answer, but now I cant talk to him without combusting, there is someone else but I don't think I should.

Fuck it, Ill call him…

• ••

Dazai Osamu was still in his apartment, exactly at the same spot in the same way that his pretty eyes left him. He knew what he had done wrong, he knew why she ran away, and he did nothing about it because this was getting out of hand. 

He had known since the night before, that this is getting serious, and that could mess up his big plans. 

Dazai is no stranger to women, he has been there, done that, and got that promotion, he enjoys the attention that flirting gets him, he knows women and men like him and find him attractive and he gets what he wants out of it, makes his life a little easier sometimes. And his 'pretty eyes' went from being a little toy to entertain himself, to being a friend, to the lines getting a little blurry. And he enjoyed teasing the little lady, he enjoyed watching her get flustered, and then he enjoyed her answering back, fighting back, playing the same game he did. 

He started to notice himself slipping when he got pissed at her. Dazai Osamu doesn't get mad at people, he doesn't even care about them, he is above it all, he is busy on his throne giving people roles to play, he wins, he has the last laugh. But that girl made him mad sometimes, not only that, she got him to react directly to his feelings of anger, he yelled at her, was mean to her, in public and in private. 

Everything was easy to ignore until yesterday…

They were walking back from the last bar, the Chilean one. They were both walking in diagonal, she was holding onto his arm and talking about how she has never understood fractions, and hoped Kunikida didn't find out so he wouldn't try to teach her. He listened to her and looked at her ramble. She felt like the first air of summer after a long winter, subtle but comforting. 

“How you like the date, guapo?” she said, slurring her words looking at him through unfocused eyes. 

“I think it was nice, I had fun” He answered, staring at her with half closed eyes, the detective couldn't deny he was pretty drunk. 

“I'm glad, I had fun too, it's sad that all the good things come to an end” the drunk girl pouted her lips and made a dramatic pose. “How about we have the last dance of the night?” the young woman said, taking her phone out and pressed shuffle. 

This slope is treacherous
This path is reckless ♪︎

She took the man's hands and held onto one and put the other one on her waist.

This slope is treacherous
And I, I, I like it. ♪︎

He held onto her, pulling her close and watcher her sing along 

I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay
And all we are is skin and bone
Trained to get along
Forever going with the flow
But you're friction ♪︎

She held onto the detective's cheeks, singing into his face, without listening to how loud she was getting, without noticing how close to his face she was, without noticing how he pressed his body into her just to feel her as close as he could. 

Your name has echoed through my mind
And I just think you should, think you should know
That nothing safe is worth the drive
And I would follow you, follow you home ♪︎

Both their foreheads were pressed together, she was smiling and singing, and he felt like if he could stay in this moment for an eternity he would. Just them dancing under a streetlight, holding themselves close. 

“I'll follow you home, but this date is ending, and it shall end as all good dates do!” she kind of yelled into the night, before looking at him, grabbing him by the collar and pulled him into a kiss. 

She kissed him first, his calculations had been wrong. He was surprised, shocked even.

“Well, let's go home, honeybear!” she screamed into the night once again, and separated herself from him and started to walk, he watched her struggle to walk into a straight line. 

He took her arm and pulled her back, and kissed her again, he was not going to lose, she was not getting the last word. So he kissed her as truthfully as he could, and she kissed back, running her hands through his hair, teeth clashing kind of kiss, messy, hard, and unplanned. 

And then he knew this was bad. 

" Me vas a arruinar la vida " she told him in a whisper. 

"I might ruin your life but you are going to ruin my plans, so we are even, also yeah, I learned Spanish a while ago, I understand every quick remark you make in your first language" the detective answered her. She just smiled and took his hand and walked as if she knew where she was going. He let her, but eventually guided her to his apartment. 

She doesn't remember all of this, he does. And he thinks it's better this way.

☆☆☆

"I told you this would happen" the detective said with eyes closed while eating a potato chip.

"And you are always right, but you know I am stubborn and stupid" I said resting my forehead in his desk. 

"So just to make sure I have all the facts, which I do but I think you need to hear them again." He continued punishing me with the truth. 

"I told you he would get close without you even noticing, he started to practically live in your house, yesterday you went on a date with him and he got you to give him exactly what he wants which was a "normal date" at the price of information about him, you thought he gave you some indications of personal interest in you that you had ignored because of his flirtatious nature, but oh yesterday, he opened up and made his advances weight on your consciousness and you made a move and he didn't reciprocate. So you ran straight out of his apartment to here, which explains the clothes." He said in one breath looking at the ceiling. 

"…yeah, that's exactly what happened" I said, forehead still on the table out of shame. 

"If you know this, what do you want from me?" Rampo said and I could hear the crunch of the chip being eaten. 

"To tell me that I am not crazy and that I did not make it up" I said finally looking at him with a frown in my face.

"You are not crazy and you did not make it up, there, can you take me home now?" He said uninterested. I let out a groan and smashed my forehead on the desk again. Rampo sighed.

"Look, Dazai is more fucked in the head than you think, but you knew that, so stop trying to expect him to act like any other normal person. He does act different with you, most of the people he has interest on is in a sexual superficial manner, he has not treated you like that so that must mean something" He said patting my head as a form of reassurance, but baby Rampo is not good with that so I felt like a dog. 

"But what does that meaaaan" I said complaining.

"I am not sure, Dazai is the second best detective here for a reason, he is unpredictable because he gives no hints, unless he wants to so you play right into his trap. I do think the only reason he didn't return your affection for the first time is because he felt you were too close, making him feel like he can't control you." He said and I raised my head to look at him, he had his eyes open this time, Rampo had beautiful eyes but he barely let them show, unless he meant business.

"But wouldn't it be easier to control me if he leads me on and takes advantage of my feelings for him?" I said seriously. 

"He couldn't, you may be a hopeless romantic but your sense of morality, be it on the gray side, it's pretty strong, he couldn't get you to do something you don't want, no matter what situation he puts you in, and I think he noticed that since the first month of meeting you, which leaves the question of why he keeps messing with you" he said raising an eyebrow. 

"He is pretty narcissistic, could it be for his ego?" I said opening a chocolate bar.

"He does a lot of casual dating for that, he uses them then disposes of them, why have you been different if it is not because he enjoys your company?" He asked while asking for the chocolate and passing me the chips.

"He said I was part of his master plan or something, so maybe that?" I said eating the chips.

"Well so it's Atsushi and I don't see Dazai giving him hickeys or kissing him" Rampo says, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh man I forgot my plushie, and we haven't kissed. Why are you saying that?" I asked him, raising my eyebrow back at him, he opened his eyes and looked at me for a second and closed them again.

"...Just teasing you, point is, I do believe he likes you in some way, a human one, but I cannot tell you if it's romantically or just platonic, so you shouldn't get your hopes up, because he is going to hurt you." He said in a serious tone, his carefree demeanor turned into a concerned one. 

" And if he's a serial killer what's the worst that could happen to a girl who's already hurt?♪︎ " I sang dramatically.

"One, dont Lana del Rey me, two he is literally a serial killer, nice choice of song" He said laughing and pointing at me with the chocolate bar. 

"You still should be careful, we don't want you getting hurt, Dazai is our friend and coworker but we know he is not the most reliable one in the emotional aspect." He opened his eyes to let me know he was serious. 

"I know, I know…it's not like I want to marry him you know?" I said looking away, I didn't like it when Rampo got too serious, reminding me he is older than me.

"You will, anyways… so are you accepting that you have feelings for Dazai then?" He whispered the first part. 

"I care for him, I like being with him, even if he gets on my nerves, so I guess, I like him. It's not like I am in love with him, there was a possibility but now there isn't, and I will be fine, I'll get over it" I said taking back the chocolate bar and took a piece of it.

"Hmmm… do you want Yosano and I to come over today and watch Gilmore Girls?" He asked only one eye open this time. 

"That's a great plan for tomorrow, I think that I'll see Chuuya today." I said, no one in the Agency knew that the redhead and I are still friends, except Dazai because I told him, and Rampo of course, you can't keep stuff from him.

"Still playing with fire I see… that's gonna end up badly too, why do you love getting into messy situations?" He asked, looking defeated.

"It keeps me young." I said laughing. 

"Plus, it doesn't have to get messy, you know? It's working so far, plus as I explained to Dazai, keeping contact with chuuya is good for both my mental health, and the Agency. He lets his guard down with me, and I will not betray his trust unless it is strictly necessary." I added while looking at him as if I was asking for his approval. 

"Well, he is better than Dazai to be honest. You should date him, not the fishy detective" he said under his breath.

"Are you telling me that dating an active mass murderer and criminal is better than dating a former murderer and criminal?!" I said confused, I even raised my voice a little. 

"In this case yeah, Chuuya might be a criminal but he has a sense of pride and morality, he is straightforward and cares about his people, Dazai only has pride, a big ass ego, and no sense of good or bad, you never know what to expect from him. So yes, I'll rather have you marrying the active murderer." He said in a serious tone but I could see him holding back a laugh. 

"I'm not marrying anyone, jeez… also, Chuuya is my best friend and that's it, no weird shit has happened between us" I said looking away.

"You sure about that?" He said, raising an eyebrow and I kept avoiding his gaze, I could feel my ears get hot. 

"I'm going home now" I said standing up and taking my bag, he just laughed and followed me. 

As soon as I left the world's greatest detective in his apartment I called Chuuya. 

"What are you doing cutie pie?" I asked through the phone. 

"Don't call me that, it's embarrassing, I have killed people you know?" He said annoyed. He was probably turning as red as his hair. 

"Whatevs, so are you free later or not? I have some chisme that you are so not going to like" I asked, faking being annoyed. 

"I'm free at like 10 pm" he said defeated. 

"See you then" I hund up and went to my apartment. I needed a shower.

Chapter Text

"So, what the fuck is going on with you" I said as soon as the redhead took a seat beside me in the bar. 

"We shouldn't be doing this anymore, it's going to get us in trouble.” Chuuya said while holding his glass of wine.

“But here we are, once again” I said, taking a sip of my club soda. 

“I am Port Mafia, you need to stay away from me for your own good” he said avoiding my gaze. 

“I won't, so anyways, Chuuya, are you my friend?” I asked him, ignoring what he just said. He turned and looked at me, sighed and took a cigarette out. 

“Yes, even though it's going to bite me in the ass later” He said, lighting the cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“Do you care for me?” I asked him with puppy eyes, he stared at me and looked surprised, his cheeks grew red and he averted his gaze.

“...yes” He said almost whispering without looking at me.

“I need you to remember that when I tell you the chisme, remember that I am your friend and you care for me and you will not murder me even though you can” I said stealing one of his cigarettes. 

“What did you do?” He said, raising an eyebrow with a concerned face.

I am going to tell him. The same conversation I had with Rampo I am going to have with Chuuya. The reason? My own selfishness, I need answers, and even though Chuuya and Dazai hate each other, they know each other more than anyone, so I know it will get uncomfortable, but I need to know his side. I know this is a bitchy move but I just want to feel not gaslighted.

“I think I like Dazai” I said the words so fast that I almost didn't hear myself, like when you tell your dad you didn't pass a class. I was looking straight ahead, afraid of his face of disapproval. He didn't say anything but I hear the glass on his hand break.

“No.” He said in a monotone voice.

“I am not saying I am in love with him and I want to marry him, why is everyone so dramatic with this!” I yelled putting my head in my hands. 

“Because he is no good, he has no emotional responsibility, he will take and take until you have nothing left and he will leave you all alone when there's nothing more he can steal from you.” He said, his voice was smooth and soothing but there was an undertone of anger and sadness. 

“Like he did with you?” I know it was a low blow to phrase it like that, but I was just frustrated. I felt his stare burn the side of my face.

“ Fucking excuse me ” He said almost growling.

“He told me everything, this morning, right after you called me. Well not everything, just his Mafia past and how he ended up in the Agency, so naturally you are part of that story” He broke the second glass of wine, I don't think they are giving him another one. 

“And after listening to the kind of person he is, are you stupid enough to still want to be near him?” He said in disapproval and anger. He took a swing from the wine bottle, seeing no more wine glasses were coming.

“I don't know, plus, I don't think I have a choice anymore, he fucking rejected me I think haha ” It was a sad laugh, I reached out to take the bottle from Chuuyas hands and took a sip.

“What” he said with genuine surprise, “what do you mean he rejected you?” He added.

“Are you really going to make me tell you that story? Have I not been humiliated enough?” I complained and ordered a beer. I guess I am drinking.

“If you like that idiot it means you like being humiliated” Chuuya said under his breath and I turned to face him with a shocked expression. 

“That was uncalled for but okay…well yesterday we went on a date, well fake date? A free trial date? I don't know what to call it. The point is, we went bar hopping, I got black out drunk, and no, nothing happened, but you know Dazai, quick remarks, flirtatious nature, threatening intelligence, but that's not the point, the point is, when he was telling me about his past, I think he was honest, and there have been times were he has been vulnerable with me and I think I misread the situation, but the point is we were close, and he pushed me away, literally” I just rambled, it was like my mouth couldn't stop talking. I feel stupid. 

“I am sorry” I added and sigh. Chuuya just looked at me with first surprise, then sadness or hurt, I don't know but it was not good.

He sighed and took a sip of his wine bottle. I could see him think. He then took off his hat and placed it on the counter, he ran a finger through his hair and closed his eyes. Then took another swing of the bottle. 

“Dazai doesn't like people getting close, emotionally of course, that man is a whore and you should know it, anyways, if you get him in a vulnerable position, that is almost never, unless he thinks he will get something out of it, so if he backed away, I think you got him cornered. But this is only an speculation, nothing sure can be said about that unreliable, stupid, lanky ass fucking bitch.” he said with his eyes closed and resting his face on his gloved hands.

“I don't like it, I don't want you to have feelings for him, he is bad news, a bad idea, and a poor excuse of a man and human being, he will definitely hurt you. You deserve better, not someone who, even if he doesn't mean to or want to, will end up messing you up emotionally.” he was yelling at this point, I didn't feel like he was yelling at me but it still made me feel guilty.

“I don't like it either honestly. Have I told you when I first met Dazai?” I asked Chuuya, he moved his head side to side signaling a “no”. 

“I run away from home, and wanted to work in a bakery in Tokyo, and I got kidnapped because I have a savior complex, ended up killing two men to free the girls that were held in the same place as me, Dazai was assigned that case in the Agency, if the fucker had made it to the place quicker, I wouldnt have become a murder, but anyways. I didn't know who he was so I ended up threatening him with a freaking piece of sharp plastic and then told him he didn't look like a good guy” I said laughing but I'm sure I sounded kind of sad. Chuuya was looking at me concerned.

“Don't fucking pity me, it was awful, but the stress of the situation gave me this cool ass lock of white hair” I said pointing at the decolored part of my hair. Chuuya was in deep thought.

“Were you held in containers, along with other girls? Was this like a year ago?” he asked in a serious tone.

“Yeah… it was, I think, how do you…” I was confused.

“The sellers offered the girls to the Port Mafia, but we don't fuck with human trafficking. It's messy.” He said with a dark look in his eyes.

“Maybe if your Boss would have said yes, I would be in the Port Mafia, I could be your secretary, I am pretty organized and responsible, what do you think?” I said jokingly to cover up for the trauma dump. 

“I'm sorry I didn't save you back then, but I promise I will end whoever hurts you.” He said sweetly. Maybe Rampo is right, but I love being wrong.

“Thank you” I whispered.

“Right back at you, little lion man.” I said as I stood up and kissed Chuuya's cheek. 

“No, you are not killing anymore, you are with the Agency and you belong there, you're the sun, you've never seen the night, but you hear its song from the morning birds” He whispered with a sad smile.

“Why are you singing Mitski to me? Are you okay?” I said in a joking tone  and running my hand through his hair. 

“I'm just drunk” He said, but he sounded more sober than ever. 

“Mmm… I don't believe you, but I'll act like I do” I said, returning to my seat.

“So, how fucked do you think I am?” I asked Chuuya who kept looking at his bottle of wine.

“Very, because I think he unfortunately likes you back, he is just stupid and useless, so much he doesn't even recognize he does, which means he will give and take undiscriminately, making you have nothing stable” He said.

“Disorganized attachment style, I am familiar with the term” I said, raising my beer a little bit.

“You cannot fix him, I'll tell you not to try but I'm sure you will”  he responded defeated. He then stood up and put on his hat.

“I have to go, I wish you all the luck in the world because you are going to need it. I really wished you didn't like him, I wished… things were different” He said, as he kissed my forehead. 

“See ya later, princess” he added and walked away. It felt weird, it felt like a goodbye. 

“Chuu!, call me later okay!!” I screamed at him from across the bar and waved at him, he turned around and gave me a sad smile and left.

He did not call me later.

Chapter Text

I decided to be a grown up. 

I was on my way to the office. I have not gotten a call either from Dazai or Chuuya. I was feeling anxious, I didn't really want to face Dazai after our last encounter and also, I was nervous about how things were with Chuuya. 

I opened the door, and there was no one in the office, I got to admit I was early. I have a big pile of files I have to check, and I got to work. 

The first one to come in was Kunikida as always, he greeted me and got to work too. Kunikida and I aren't that close, I don't think he likes me that much, be it because I associate myself with Dazai, or because he was too strict, and I don't do well with that. I think our relationship was merely work related and something about that bugged me. 

“Kunikida-san, how have you been?” I asked, trying to break the ice.

“I have been well, thank you for asking, and you, Maru-san?” He asked politely, not taking his eyes from his work. 

“I have been…not that well, but I am managing.” I said being honest but trying not to trauma dump again.

“Is that so… I hope you can resolve the situations that present to you” He said in his usual strong tone. 

There was a moment of silence. 

“Kunikida-san, sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?” I said. He looked up from his work to take a glance at me. One thing no one talks about is how handsome Kunikida is, since he is always so formal, it's not a thing that is mentioned, but this man has a very old school masculine beauty. If he weren't so inflexible he could get a lot of fans. 

“Sure thing, tell me” he said. 

“What do you think of me?” I asked, all curiosity. 

He seemed to pause, and look at me intensely, I almost blushed to be honest, but given his personality he is just trying to find words to describe me in a way that fits his ideals.

“I think you are a good person. You are responsible, you have a strong sense of morality, you are creative and resilient, but also can be childish and stubborn. You are caring and even motherly to the people around you. You have proven to belong in the Agency, in all honesty I was not a fan of having you work here, you don't have an ability and your life has been pretty normal, but, you have an unusual way of handling things, you are kind of weird, which makes you blend in inside this office of freaks.” He said, then took a pause to sign some papers.

“I am also grateful for your presence, because you know how to handle Dazai and get him to work, or be a little more responsible, be it because you trick him into working or not, I think your closenes to that stupid detective has done him good, and I will apreciate each second of peace you buy me buy handling him. You are also a good motherly role for Atsushi and now Kyoka, so I think that you should stay and work here even after your sentence has been completed, but that's a decision that the President will make, I just want you to know that if you ever needed me to put a good word for you to the President for you to stay, I would.” He finished his long ass sentence and turned to face his work and continued. I stood up and hugged him, he did not hug me back but I could feel him relax and accept the embrace.

“Now, let's get to work so we can make the best of this day” He said softly. 

He was a weird man, but a sweet one.

People started to fill the office, everyone was at their desks except one. The scrawny detective was nowhere to be seen.

♣♣♣

“Here is the location of the person you asked for” the detective on the sand colored trench coat said, his voice echoing the dark and dirty alley he was in.

“Thanks…” the smaller red headed man said, reaching out to grab the file in his ex-partners hands, but the detective pulled the papers up in the air, so the short man couldn't reach them.

“Is Mori okay with you handling personal matters in working hours, shorty?” Dazai asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That is none of your business, now give me the damn papers!” Chuuya screamed at the tall man, who kept the file as far as he could from the ginger.

“I will…I will, but first, tell me why are you doing this?” Dazai asked, he suspected the answer but wanted to hear it from the person he used to call partner.

“I don't have to give you an explanation for what I do or don't do.” Chuuya said in a low tone.

“That's true, but you might as well practice with me what are you going to say to your Boss, you are going to assassinate someone after all” the brown haired man said in a sly tone. 

“I am getting rid of trash that is damaging the city and its inhabitants, is that not reasonable?” The red haired man answered in a sarcastic voice.

“Oh it is, but that's not it is it, its vengeance. Is it not?” Dazai said in a serious tone this time. 

“Someone has to protect her since the only thing you do is hurt her, you fucker.” Chuuya was getting really angry.

“So she told you.” Dazai looked past Chuuya focusing on something that wasn't there. Took a deep breath, he knew the look on Dazais eyes, this young woman is really getting to him. 

“She did, you are an idiot and you don't deserve her.” Chuuya responded in a less aggressive tone, seeing how his partner was losing his footing.

“I know, I'm going to stay away, don't worry.” The detective's eyes looked dull and lifeless.

“No, you are not, you are not disappearing on her ass, you are not running away, because I am the one that's doing that. I'm going to stop contact and she is going to need a friend to talk shit about me, and you are perfect for that job” Chuuya said, activating his ability and jumped to grab the file out of Dazai's hand.  

Dazai eyed the man in front of him, and sighed. 

“You need to stop putting other people's needs before your own, that's the reason why you are always the second choice, and never the first.” The browned haired man expected a punch but nothing came, instead he just watched his ex-partner leave. 

“Chuuya, make them suffer, don't kill them quickly, she was there for days. And some of the other girls for months.” Dazai's voice was low and chilly, almost sinister. 

“Do you want to tag along, detective?” Chuuya turned around slightly to eye the person who he trusted in his life once upon a time.

“If I stay a second more with you I am going to instantly combust so no thanks.” Dazai answered by sticking his tongue out and flipping Chuuya off.

“This makes you an accomplice to murder you know? You are not innocent just because you didn't get your hands dirty.” Chuuya said, flipping Dazai off in response. 

“I'll deny anything, you can't frame me, I am too smart and handsome to go to jail” Dazai answered in a carefree tone. 

“I will also kill for her, you know, I need her for my master plan, and for that plan to go the way I intend, I need her to be happy.” The detective added. 

“Make sure you spread the word around that she is under our protection, I don't want any more incidents” Dazai said to the other man, almost as an order.

“You got it partner, to be protected by Double Black, she might as well be a fucking Queen” Chuuya said in a sarcastic tone.

“She is, in my chess game her role is the black queen, so stop calling her princess” Dazai said and watched as the ginger man walked away, off to murder the person who was behind the selling and also the people who wanted to do the buying. 

○○○

Dazai didn't come to the office at all. Kunikida called him and he only said “I am busy, see ya guys tomorrow!” and hung up on him every time. I was both disappointed and relieved that I would not have to face him today. I mean it's not his fault, let that be clear, no one owes us affection or love, Dazai is well within his rights to reject me even if it makes me a little sad or uncomfortable. Honestly I wished we could have stayed friends if this was going to be the case.

As soon as I came home, I got into my pajamas and started to watch TV, I was supposed to have a girls night with Rampo and Yosano so we could watch Gilmore Girls but Yosano was busy with a mission, so it was just me. 

Knock knock

I raised an eyebrow and ignored it. People from the Agency don't knock because they have no concept of privacy so it must be someone who wants to sell me something or convert me into something.

Knock knock

I stood up and walked to the door, taking out a knife from the kitchen. I haven't gotten a new sword, they are expensive and the President got sad when I told him his present had shattered in a million pieces.

I opened the door and there he was. 

“You forgot this, and honestly I have no use for this at my apartment” He said casually, placing the plushie on the top of my head and walking past me.

I closed the door and watched him make himself at home, taking off his coat and unbuttoning his vest while walking to the couch. 

“You don't get to do this” I said in a serious tone, as I left the knife and the axolotl on the kitchen counter. 

“But I do, because I do exactly what I want and I get away with it all the time, you would be naive to think that you have a say in that just because you are you.” He said in a weird tone, almost defensive.

“I get a say when it involves me, when it affects me, you get to do what you want but not to me , so if you are going to come here just to fuel your ego, please leave” I said sitting down on one of the stools in the kitchen. Dazai turned his head to look at me from the couch. 

“Do you really want me to leave, I don't think you do, I bet you were waiting for me to come to the Agency, to tell you a joke, to come close, to be who you want me to be” He said, voice as cold as ice and eyes as dark as night.

“Fuck you” I said angrily. I stood up from the kitchen stool and walked up to him, to face him. 

“I am sick and tired of you treating me like I am your fucking enemy, I get that you have been hurt before but boo hoo , stop acting like a teenager, you are a grown ass man so act like it, I don't fucking pity you for what you have gone through, I feel bad because I care for you not because I see you as a fucking charity case. So if you want to act like a bitch each time I try to get close I will hold you responsible for it. So no, you don't get to insult me and make me feel bad without me calling you out on it. ” I yelled at him, hands moving around a lot, I pointed at him a lot, my latina blood was flowing.

He stayed on the couch, tense, eyes big looking at me in surprise, as if he was a child and I caught him lying. 

I saw his intention to get up.

"I am not finished. So sit your ass back down" I said as I put my foot on his chest and pushed down hard, keeping him in place.

"I am not afraid of vulnerability, so in this game I have the upper hand, you cannot use my own feelings against me cause I own them and I am not ashamed of them. Fuck it, I think I like you, and so what? If you don't like me I'll get over it I will not die. And i think you like me back, but if you want to run like a scared little kid because you are not used to being cared for, be my fucking guest. Just don't blame me for the decisions you make" I said keeping my foot on his chest, I let put a loud sigh. I felt relieved.

"Are you done now?" He said, raising an eyebrow.

"I think so" I said as I tried to move my foot off his chest but he took it with one hand and placed his arm in the back on my knee pushing me forward so I fell onto him, in a pretty awkward position, kind of half straddling him. 

"I don't know what to do with you, this is getting messy and complicated, sure I like you and want you, but I don't think you are going to like liking me at all honeybear." he said looking at me, his hands on my hips keeping me in place. I feel my face get hot, out of anger or desire, who knows. 

"Stop fucking making decisions for me" I said clenching my jaw out of anger, but also, to keep myself from doing someting I might regret. 

"Then have the guts to make your own choices" he said slyly. 

Aw fuck it.  

I grabbed him by the collar and kissed him, a rough and angry kiss, he kissed back, as if he was waiting for this to happen. His hands on my waist pushed me closer to him. My hands on his neck and hair. 

Here we are, fully making out on the couch in my sad living room. The kiss was messy, the kind where teeth collide, and things were heating up, his hands were traveling from my waist to my hips, threatening to go lower. 

Chapter Text

I stopped the kiss, separating my lips from his but keeping our heads together by touching my forehead with his, as soon as the kiss stopped his hands did too. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, we both were catching our breath. He was wearing a smirk on his face. 

"You really are the Devil” I said looking down at him. He just kept a winning smile across his face. I got off him and walked to my room.

“Well, ball is on your court, get out of my apartment, good night” I added as I closed the door of my room and I heard the front door close.

♠♠♠

“ Goood morningg! ” I heard Dazai entered the apartment. I peaked my head out of my room and he was holding coffee and a newspaper. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked while I was changing in my room. 

“I'm picking you up so we can walk to the office together, duhh” He answered.

I walked out wearing a white formal shirt, a burgundy skirt and a frown. I still don't know how to manage this situation at all. I kept thinking about how Rampo said to stop expecting Dazai to act like a normal person, and he was right. Everytime I want an answer from this stupid but brilliant man I needed him to corner him, be as direct as possible so he cant slip through the cracks. 

“Osamu…you are not to come here whenever you please, things between us are not like they used to be, so don't act like nothing happened.” I said taking the coffee he bought for me. He lowered the newspaper to look at me for a second, then pulled it back up.

“Why not?” he said with an innocent tone, almost childish.

“Because I don't feel comfortable ignoring what happened last night” I said, raising an eyebrow he was not going to see.

“But that was your decision, so why do I have to change my plans or behavior based on your actions?” he said in a dare to say bratty tone. 

“Oh don't act like it was just me, this was consensual honey, both parties were involved, plus, its basic respect! And why do you want to be here anyways?” I said getting a little pissed off. He, once again, lowered the newspaper to stare at me with unreadable eyes, I stood my ground and held my gaze to him.

“Fine” He said angrily and closed the newspaper and smacked it down on the kitchen counter. I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise of his sudden tantrum. 

“I am not saying you have to leave, I just need you to give me some feedback here! I yelled at him as I watched him leave. This manchild is hard work. 

Every time I get close he just pushes me away. I thought to myself.

I took the newspaper he left and started reading. I might as well get distracted if I can't find an answer to what to do with the Dazai situation. And then I saw the note…

「Murders across the city

The bodies of five different men were found in different locations of the city and its surroundings. The attacks left a gruesome view and little answers, the police are investigating the posibility of the the five murders to be connected. 」 

I took the phone and called Chuuya, once, twice, thrice… and I got no answer, by the fourth call the phone was disconnected. If my hunch was right, it was about what I told him the last time I saw him. I didn't think he would actually kill the people who held her captive and the buyers probably. 

I took my bag and went straight to the office, most people were already there. There was a frown on my face and I knew I was getting distracted by my own thoughts. Dazai stood up and talked to me about something but I couldn't concentrate on his words. I just kept thinking that if the stupid red head killed those people what is he going to do if the investigation got too big. 

“Did you hear me? I need some blood samples from you” Dazai said, annoyed look on his face.

“Why the hell would you need my blood?” I asked him confused. 

“None of your business” He said apathetically

“Uh…my blood my business” I responded angrily. 

“Oh no they are fighting again…”Atsushi said to Kyoka.

“We are not fighting, he is deciding to be a bitch” I said under my breath, and Dazai didn't like it.

“Excuse me, I have done nothing but to be nice to you and you keep being insufferable, so you are the bitch!” he said, crossing his arms.

“Yo, who are you calling a bitch, you empty headed manwhore!” Yosano screamed from the infirmary. 

“I was not even talking to you Yosano-san, so don't butt in!” Dazai yelled back at her. 

“Everyone stop fucking fighting, is early in the mornig” I yelled to everyone in the room. 

“Just tell me why you need the blood, I'll give it to you but at least I get to know what the fuck you are doing with MY blood, don't you think that is pretty reasonable?” I turned to Dazai and started to walk to the infirmary so Yosano could take the blood samples. 

“Ugh… I guess” He said walking after me. 

I sat down on a chair while Yosano was getting a clean needle and plastic tubes. I didn't like getting my blood drawn, well nobody likes it, but I am actually scared of it, a pretty irrational fear. It doesn't stop me from getting my exams done but I almost always pass out. I kept bouncing my knee up and down in a fast motion. 

“I have a hypothesis, remember the event where we fought Lovecraft?” Dazai said, putting his hand on my thigh and pushing it down to keep it from moving. 

“Yeah, I remember I was there…” I said looking at his pretty face to distract myself as Yosano wrapped the piece of plastic around my arm making a tourniquet. 

Dazai grabbed my head, turning it to his direction so I would look at the process. 

“Well, I think something is up with your blood, I don't exactly know what it is but I am going to find out, and when I do, I will tell the President and you okay?” He said softly, almost as if he wanted to calm me down. 

“What do you mean something is up with her blood? Her medical exams have always been normal.” Yosano said but Dazai kept holding my face so I couldn't face her. 

“When we were fighting that creature, the only thing that slowed down its regenerating ability was the damage done by the weapons that had her blood on it. Could be nothing, could be something” Dazai said to her.

“Mmm, that does sound weird” She whispered.

I could feel myself getting dizzy, just how much blood they were taking. 

“Hey… I don't feel well, are we almost done?” I whispered. 

“We are done.” Yosano said reassuringly, and I could feel her putting a bandaid on my arm and taking off the tourniquet. 

“You did great, pretty eyes.” Dazai said and gave me a kiss on the forehead. 

“ Oh pues… are you or are you not mad at me?” I said frowning. 

“Mmmm not! I just love bothering you honestly, it's funny seeing your face all confused” He said standing up and throwing me a peace sign. 

“I am changing the locks of the apartment, that's it” I whispered.

“I'll just break in, steal the new keys and make a copy♥” he said in a cutesy voice. 

“We could file a stalker report, I know a guy in the Police that could help us” Yosano said to me and I nodded.  

I returned to work, there was not much to be done, ever since the things with the Guild got resolved, the city has been calm. The blood thing got me distracted from thinking about Chuuya for a while. 

I got back from work to my apartment and just stared at the window sitting on the couch. I think I was there for like an hour, then I heard a knock. 

“If it's you Dazai, just come in.” I yelled in defeat. And well he did come in.

I heard his heavy and fast footsteps, he didn't even take his shoes off entering the living room. I turned to my left to say something to him and his face looked weird, alert, he raised his eyebrows and then he took the back of my collar and pushed me down the couch. 

He was positioned behind the couch and he fucking flipped it with me on it, throwing me in the floor and trapping me in the space created between the floor and the couch. 

And then I heard bullets. A lot of them, just coming from the same window, have been staring for an hour. The room was loud, no one tells you how ear-piercing the sound of bullets can be. My ears were ringing and I was getting disoriented by the loud noises of crashing and things breaking, as well as the buzz that made me notice how close the bullets were from ending it all.

Then silence. Deafening silence. 

I heard the echo of a voice entering the room and a voice answering back then closing the door. I tried to lift up the couch but I was struggling, my senses were fucked up.

The couch was lifted a little bit and a hand dragged me out and I looked at Dazai's face. He had little scratches, most probably made from things breaking and flying around. He put an arm around my waist and lifted me up as if I was a kid or a cat. I was always surprised when he reminded me he was not as scrawny as he looks. He carried me to the bathroom with one arm and then tossed me in the bathtub and went back to close the door. I have not said a word and neither has he. 

He kicked the door handle breaking it, then grabbed a towel and pushed it into the space left between the door and the floor. I just watched him go, he opened the cabinet and reached out to the top of the first shelf taking out a knife I had hidden there. 

He walked up to the bathtub and I saw his intention to come in too so I held my legs close to me so there was a little space he could fit in. and there we were, both of us sitting on opposite sides of an empty bathtub. 

“Are you hurt anywhere? I didn't see any external wounds but tell me if something hurts.” He said in a serious tone, while taking out his phone. 

“...what the fuck is going on?” was all I said, almost as a whisper. I saw him text something and then put the phone down.

“Well honey, is it not obvious, someone wants you dead!” he said as if he was telling me 2 + 2 is 4. 

Chapter Text

A moment of silence.

“And why would someone want me dead?” I asked him, raising my voice a little bit and he shushed me. 

“Well that's something we have to find out, I mean I have an idea but nothing solid. I left your blood samples in four different laboratories to be studied, and one at the Agency. Three out of the four were stolen. As soon as I was informed I came here. I made it just in time, I am really a knight in shiny armor don't you think?” He said putting a hand on his cheek and making a cute face. 

I didn say anything, what was I supposed to say?

“Also, Atsushi came to check on you and I sent him to see if he could capture the people who wanted you to look like swiss cheese, also Kunikida and Yosano are coming! So we just need to stay put until they get here!” He said as if this was a game of hide and seek. 

“Why didn't you just call Atsushi to get me out of here the moment you noticed something was going on?” I asked him to close my eyes slightly in a suspecting manner.

“And waste this opportunity to die together?? I am not crazy” He said, shrugging his shoulders. I threw a shampoo bottle at his face. 

“I am kidding, I'm kidding… I just wanted to make sure you were okay, also, I want whoever wants to dead to see that if they fuck with you I am the one responding.” he said in a playful tone but his eyes were serious.

“So how does it feel to have the demon prodigy on your side?” He said, a slight glow of red coming out of his eyes. 

“Horrible, one star out of five, will not recommend it. Also don't call yourself that, you are not that anymore.” I said with a straight face and he pouted his lips in response.

“I can fend for myself, I don't want you to protect me as a knight in shiny armor, I want to be beside you on the battlefield.” I said softly. 

“I don't know if I can do that, I am not a team player, not a soldier, I am the commander.” He said firmly. 

“Well then, let me be the witch that advises you and everyone hates.” I answered. He just gave me a smirk. 

We heard footsteps and kept quiet. Dazai stood up and pushed me down so I was lying on the bathtub floor, and he stood in front of the door. His serious expression quickly turned into a grin and started to scream.

“Help us! We are so hopeless, Kunikida-kuuuuuuun!” He yelled, and the door was opened with a kick that hit Dazai in the face and he stumbled down falling into the tub and into me elbowing me in the eye. 

“Shut up stupid Dazai!” Kunikida screamed, and then entered the bathroom taking Dazais arm and throwing him out of the room. The poor man ended up smashing himself on the hallway wall. 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? It is safe to come out now” Kunikida said, reaching out to me and helping me get out of the tub. I was holding my eye and looking at it in the mirror. A black eye was forming. The only injury that I have has been done by fucking Dazai elbowing me in the eye.

We went to the Agency to have a little meeting. Everyone was there, except for Kenji and Kyoka because they were already asleep. 

"So Dazai…what do you think? You are the closest one to the case." The President said with his eyes closed and arms closed. 

"Well, I think someone wants to eliminate our dearest Maru for two reasons: one, vengeance, two, fear." Dazai said, raising two fingers. 

"I haven't pissed anyone off lately" I whispered thinking about who would want me dead out of vengeance. 

"You haven't, but Chuuya and I on the other hand… we have pissed several people off, like a whole ass country" Dazai said laughing. 

"So you think someone wants to kill her to get to you or Nakahara Chuuya?" Kunikida asked, pushing his glasses up to his face. 

"Not exactly!" Dazai said in a carefree manner. 

Everyone was confused.

I walked to Dazai who was sitting on his chair by his desk, and I slapped him on the back of the head, then took a seat on top of his desk. 

"Okay…okay‥so yesterday there were five murders, and for the information I have gathered it seems they were the people who were organizing the selling of the girls back then, also the buyers, and they were killed in a gruesome maner, I saw the pictures, very yucky! And if I have to say the author of that blood splattered art form, I would say that it was the one and only Chuuya!" Dazai looked like he was telling a children's story or talking on a late night show. 

Everyone on the agency went silent and looked at me, trying to figure out if I was the intellectual author of the crimes. 

"I just saw the news this morning, I have tried to call Chuuya for an explanation but he has not answered his phone, it marks as disconnected" I said looking at my shoes. 

"She didn't ask him to do it if you are wondering that, Chuuya is a hound dog, he just needs a reason to attack and once he does he acts on his own, but that's not the point, there were five murders and my investigation says theres a missing buyer" Dazai said, in an attempt to help me out, or so I would like to believe. 

 "So you think the last buyer is the one who wants her dead?" Yosano asked. 

"Yes" Dazai said, 'he is lying' I thought. I saw the way his index finger twitched a little, how his eyes looked past Yosano and not at her, how his voice was a little lower. This man is lying. I just gave him a look and he avoided my gaze. 

So I decided to turn to Rampo, he had his eyes open and looking at me, he moved his head in a "no" motion. So I'm not saying shit, if both Dazai and Rampo want me to play along I will trust them. 

"So what are we going to do?" Atsushi asked, his face showing concern. 

"We find the person who is threatening to end the life of a friend, and we bring them to justice" The president said. 

"Dazai, you said vengeance, and we get it, but why fear?" Tanizaki asked. 

"Oh that's easy, this pretty girl is an ability user without an ability!" Dazai pointed at me as if I was a price, and my face fell. 

" What " I said with furrowed eyebrows. 

The whole Agency fell into a deep silence once again. 

"Dazai…explain." the President said. 

"I can't hehe~ you see we know almost nothing when it comes to abilities, we know that they are part of us but they are almost their own entity too, so, that means there are people who are eligible to have abilities, almost as if we are hosts, well she is one! But she has no guests… am i making sense?" Dazai rambled. 

"…no" everyone said. 

Dazai made his way to the infirmary and came out with the tube which I guess had my blood but it was empty.

"I took some samples of her blood this morning. They evaporated at the hour three of being outside her body. Also, when my blood has come in contact with hers, I can feel my ability activate but there is nothing to nullify. Another time was when fighting Lovecraft, her blood affected the creature, as well as Chuuya, when he was using corruption, she hugged him and it looked as if she had paralized him, so she is blood witch♪︎" the genius detective said sounding like a little kid making up a story. 

"I need to bake" I said in shock

"Oh you want weed? I have some-" Dazai was interrupted by Kunikida's fist on his head. 

"Dazai, who else knows this?" The President said ignoring that one of his employees admitted to be in possession of illegal substances. 

"Mmm us, the Port Mafia, and the black market probably…" he said, tapping his chin with a finger as if thinking.

"I don't get it, so she has an ability or not?" Naomi asked.

"I think it is dormant, or she is about to get it. Some say our abilities go back to the world when we die, so maybe there is someone with an ability that's made for her, but that person hasn't died yet but it's about to and her body is adapting to receive it" Dazai answered the question like a young professor who wants to impress his class. 

"So… what now?" I asked in a timid voice. 

"We protect you first, figure the rest later." said Kunikida in his teacher's voice. 

Everyone looked at the President for an answer. He still had his eyes closed and his arms closed. 

He then went to his office and we stayed in silence. I could feel Dazai's hand reaching for mine and I let him grab it and intertwined his fingers with mine.

The President came back with a bag and placed it on my desk that was beside Dazai's. 

He gave me a car key, placing it in my free hand. Then he turned to Dazai. 

"You are to take her to one of the safe houses, don't tell anyone not even an Agency member, you are allowed to go outside the city but not the country, we'll manage this internally, you are to forge my signature if you consider it necessary, you do what you think is best until we sort this out." The president was looking dead serious at Dazai, and the browned haired detective was tense. 

"Dazai you are not the most conventional person, but your methods work, so I trust you with this mission" the president finished. 

"Aye aye captain!" He saluted the president. 

"Now leave." We stood up and walked to the door, dazai grabbed the bag and I looked at everyone in the Agency with worried eyes. 

"We'll be fine! Give us no more than 5 days and everything will be back to normal" said Yosano, trying to comfort me, I just gave her a sad smile and followed Dazai who was already in the hallway. 

I walked to him and held onto the back his trench coat. He stopped and turned around. 

"Probability of this situation passing easily and no one getting hurt" I asked him. He looked up at the ceiling and started muttering to himself.

"78.64%" he answered. 

"Probability of this situation passing not that easy and someone dying or getting severely injured" I asked frowning. 

He sighed. 

"0%, none, ninguna" he said and took my hand leading me to the elevator.

"I may be a sad excuse of a human but, I am a great strategist, I have a plan, and remember that I never lose." He said reassuringly. 

Chapter Text

We headed to a train station where we left the car parked nearby. Dazai bought some tickets and we got into the train. We haven't really talked about anything, we have just been holding hands and he has been playing with my rings. 

It was comforting having someone I could have physical contact with, not in a sexual way but platonic, I am a very touchy person, back home I held my friends hands, hug them or held their arm. The culture here is different and you have to respect that. Luckily people in the Agency were getting more comfortable with that, especially the younger ones, Atsushi, Kenji and Kyoka. Dazai has always been an exception, I have this theory he is actually touch starved, he was a victim of a violent environment, he never talks about his life before the Mafia, he is used to receiving touch in exchange of giving it back. But I just like the platonic touch. 

“Can I sleep?” I asked him in a soft voice. I was tired.

“Stop asking for permission to do basic things, people are looking at me like I hit you because of the black eye” He said complaining. 

“Well you did give me this black eye!” I said in a slightly louder tone, just to fuck with him. People did turn around and gave him a dirt look. 

“Stooop it, shhh just go to sleep” He said, whining and pushing my head on his shoulder. I did fell asleep.

◘◘◘

“Hey wake up, we are here” Dazai shaked me a little bit to wake me up. 

“Five more minutes” I complained but stood up. 

We were in a small town in Fukui, it was late at night still, it was cold but not that cold. Dazai made some calls and texted some people. I liked it when he was all serious and actually did his work. He then threw the phone on the ground and stepped on it then threw it in the trash. 

We started talking till we reached the end of the town. 

“Okay so there is a bus but it's going to take like 2 hours for it to arrive. So let's start thinking about games to play. I start, you can tell me all the awesome things you like about me-” He started rambling and I had no time for his shit today.

“Why don't we just rent some bikes and get it over with?” I said, still sleepy.

“No. Okay new game, you tell me your favorite moments with me-” I didnt even let him finish when I got close to the bike station and took out my card, but it was swiped out of my hand by the stupid lanky man.

“I said no.” He looked at me frowning.

“Why not? It's easier that way, you said the house isn't that far so-” I didn't finish my sentence because he made a weird face and turned around so he couldn't face me, his ears are red.

“I don't know how to ride a bike” He whispered, still with his back facing me.

“Well ride in one bike, I'll drive, It's not a big deal” I said in a carefree tone, but I wanted to laugh honestly, not because he didn know how to ride a bicycle, but because he was embarrassed by it . We love to see it. 

“I said no, the knights are supposed to lead the horse with the damsel clinging to him, not the other way around!” He yelled, crossing his arms, and I bet he is puffing his cheeks, I really wanted to laugh.

“Ya estuvo y siéntese, fuck those gender roles, this damsel is driving” I told him while getting the bike and getting on it, waiting for him to turn around and stop bieng a baby. (' Ya estuvo y sientese ' means ' enough, and just sit down ' )

“Don't get political with me, you know I am an anarchist, philosophical, an absurdist of course.”  He said apathetically, he let out a small yell in annoyance, but got in the back part of the bike and held onto my waist.

“Lets go, pretty boy” I said and started pedaling. 

Around ten minutes had passed and there was an awkward silence. Dazai hated feeling he couldn't do something, he puts all his self worth on external factors. 

“My parents didn't teach me how to ride a bicycle, they both worked a lot and didn't have the time either. I learned at like 13 years old, some friends found out and they taught me after school. I didn't fall, not even once, because I am cool like that.” I confessed to him in hopes he would start talking.

“Mmm, I think my story's more tragic honey” He muttered and I let out a soft laugh.

“We are here.” He added.

We arrived at a small country house, it was pretty normal, beige walls, a low black fence. It was surrounded by trees, there weren't any houses on the side, a pretty lonely house. 

Dazai got off the bike and pulled some keys from his trench coat and opened the fence, motioning with his head to follow him and I did. There was a small garden and then the entrance. The house had the traditional Japanese doors. The house was pretty clean, I guess the Agency must pay someone to take care of it while no one is here. There was a small kitchen, one complete bathroom, one small living room with TV and two bedrooms. 

“So which room do you want, I'll let you choose because I am a gentleman.” Dazai said, putting a hand to his chest.

“I thought we were going to sleep together” I said in an innocent voice and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Well if thats-” he said while smirking at me.

“Just kidding!” I interrupted him and got into the one on the right side of the hallway. Dazai pouted his lips and entered the one that was directly in front of mine. 

I got into the room and it was just okay, I opened the drawers and there were some clothes, gender neutral. I guess to be prepared for anything and anyone. 

Dazai entered without knocking, a shocker, and threw at me a small backpack, Im guess it was inside the big bag he had been carrying. I opened it and had my basics, underwear and bathroom toiletries, and I raised an eyebrow at him. 

“I prepared that bag loooong ago, just in case” He said shrugging his shoulders. 

“Prepared it for what?” I questioned him

“For when you stayed at my apartment regularly” He said smiling and got out of the room. 

We both went to bed without talking to each other that much.

♠♠♠

The next morning I got up and went to the kitchen, to my not so surprise there was nothing much, just a couple of instant ramen soups, water, snacks like potato chips and candy, and that's it. Dazai was still sleeping which is weird, he doesn't sleep well, he is a light sleeper. 

I decided to take a shower and wait for him to wake up. I got changed into some pants and a t-shirt. I saw my reflection in the mirror and the black eye was a pretty purple and yellow shade. I took out some concealer and foundation out of the makeup bag that was inside the backpack that Dazai gave me yesterday. He even put some eyeliners and eyeshadow, sad I could not wear them with the black eye. 

It has been 2 hours since I have been up and he hasn't come out of his room, so I decided to take a peak. He was sleeping heavily, not even me entering his room woke him up. So I snooped around his own bag, and my hunch was right. This stupid man took sleeping pills. 

I started to count his breathing and his pulse, very creepy but better safe than sorry. Everything was normal, so he might have just taken one or two, but that means he is not going to wake up in a while. So I grabbed the keys of the house, hid some of my switchblades and went shopping. 

There was a small store down the road, just a 5 minute walk, I kept thinking what am I going to do here for five days with Dazai. We have always had some space, making me wonder if we are really going to end up killing each other. He would love that. 

The store lady greeted me and I just waved at her. I bought some eggs, milk, and some vegetables, just the basics, paid and left. If i wasnt back by the time he woke up he was going to be pissed at me for leaving. 

I got back and nothing, this manchild was still asleep. So I made breakfast and went to wake him up. 

“Yo, get up you lazy excuse of a man!” I screamed at him, I felt like my mom. I saw him move a little and cover his face with the covers. 

“Osamu it's late! Rise and shine sweetheart!” I said while sitting down beside his head and started poking him in the cheek, I was bored to be honest and wanted some company. 

“I still feel sleepy…” He whispered. 

“I made breakfast come on” I whined, I felt like him, being annoying.

He kind of turned so he could see me, pulling down the covers a little from his face. 

“Do you miss me or what?” He said with a raspy voice while smiling. 

“Fine, I'll eat breakfast alone” I said, rolling my eyes and standing up. I could hear him groan and move the covers. 

We were both at the kitchen table now, eating our breakfast and drinking coffee.

“I am confiscating your sleeping pills” I mutter.

“I have more where they came from so be my guest” He muttered back, and I rolled my eyes. We both finished our breakfast.

“Osamu, come outside for a second” I told him, motioning him to follow me. 

There were two bicycles in the front yard of the house.

“No, we are not doing this” He said in a serious tone. 

“Yes we are, pretty boy, now get on the bike” I said with a winning smile. He was looking down at me with disgust, is this how Chuuya always feels?

“I get to have one wish, I do this only if you grant me one wish, no questions, no nothing” He said to me while negotiating, he extended his hand for me to shake. And I did.  

He walked towards the bike and got on. He then put his hands on his hands in regret and spread his fingers a little bit so he could look at me through the cracks. I just blew him a kiss. 

“Okay, I am going to be grabbing the back of the bike to hold you in place while you pedal, and I'll let you know when I let go okay? Just keep going, you have good balance so you should be good” I said while pulling down my invisible cap. 

“If I fall I will make your life miserable” He whispered and I laughed. 

He started pedaling and I kept him in place. 

“I am surprised Chuuya didn't teach you, no matter how much he hates you I'm sure he would love to be in this position” I said laughing. 

“He tried but we ended up fighting so badly that Koyou punished us, so we never did it again” He said casually. It's rare, when Dazai talks about his past, I thought he was going to ignore me.

“How did she punish you, I can't imagine either of you accepting a punishment” I tried to keep the conversation going, we were just  going in a straight line, I was still holding his bike. 

“Well, first she made us hold two bricks in our hands with our arms extended while she was nagging us, oh and we were barefoot so my foot was touching Chuuya's deactivating his ability, he was so pissed haha…then we had to clean one of the Port Mafia gardens, I tricked Chuuya into cleaning it by himself promising I would do his paperwork, which of course I didn't” Dazai said in a soft voice and laughed, I let go of the bike and he kept going by himself, I was just walking behind him. 

“You are very mean to Chuuya, you are always fighting each other, but were there times when you joined forces to bother someone else?” I asked curiously. I was moved by him just telling me about how his life was at the Port Mafia. 

“Oh yeah, I was fear and respected despite my age, except by Hirotsu and Mori, so, we would pull pranks on them when we had time, we onced freed a goose on Mori's office while he was eating” He started to laugh maniacally as he upped his speed on the bike. I was jogging behind him.

“Oh noo, hungry geese are unhinged” I said laughing too.

“Needless to say, Mori was furious, he beat the shit out of me but honestly it was worth it” He said between chuckles. I smiled sadly even though he could not see me. 

“You are a rascal” I yelled at him, he was getting too far and I was getting tired. He slowed down and turned around carefully. A big grin on his face.

“Takes one to know one” He answered winking at me.

Chapter Text

Sharing a house with Dazai has been weird, it's more quiet than I imagined. We were laying on the living room floor, the both of us, just lost in each other's minds, I gotta say his company is nice. But the silence is making me think about all the things that are going on.

One: someone tried to kill me and apparently I am an ability user without the ability. 

Two: Chuuya is ghosting me after killing people for my sake. 

Three: Dazai and I made out like two days ago and here we are acting domestic without even mentioning it. 

“I can hear you think” He said, turning his body to me so he was facing my profile, I was still looking up to the ceiling.

“Well, I am thinking.” I whispered while turning to face him the same way he was, we were pretty close to each other. 

“Do you want me to take your mind off things?” He said tracing his finger on the side of my thigh, and it really caught me off guard, I felt my ears get hot and my heart beat faster. I stayed quiet.

“You know, we are alone here, no distractions no nothing, we can make here our own little Vegas” He whispered getting closer to my face, his hand resting on my hip. I don't know if I should do this. I looked into his eyes and then I saw it. Dilated pupils, his hand felt heavier, his breathing slightly irregular. He was on something.

“Are you high?” I whispered and I reached to hold his cheek but he slapped my hand away. He just groaned and stood up and left.

Dazai was in his room for the rest of the day, he didn't even come out to eat. I was kind of thinking on how to handle the situation. Do I even have to handle the situation? He is a grown man, but he is also my friend and someone I like. He has been acting strange this whole day. Taking pills, sleeping till late, telling my childhood stories about Chuuya and the Mafia… Dazai is definitely acting weird, but whenever I ask he just pushes me away and closes off, quite literally. 

 So I went to bed. 

♦♦♦

I heard ruffling and mumbling around. It was 3 in the morning, and there were sounds coming out of Dazai's room. I called out his name to see if maybe he was awake or something but I got no response, I tried to ignore it but the mumbling and whispering were getting kind of loud, so I got out of my room, gave a quick tour around the house and concluded the sounds were coming from his room. 

I knocked once. No response.

I knocked twice. No response.

So I opened the door.

Dazai was asleep but tossing around a lot, he was talking in his sleep but couldn't make out a word, he was frowning and looked like he was having a nightmare.

I reached out to him sitting on the floor. 

“Hey, wake up, you're having a bad dream” I whispered, shaking him a little, but he kind of pushed me with his elbow and kept moving a lot. 

“Osamu, wake up! It's just a dream!” I yelled at him, and took his shoulders and shook him with more force.

“ STOP ” he finally screamed but pushed me and I mean pushed me, my back hit the door and I felt the air being knocked out of my lungs. 

I looked at him with a frown while coughing. He was crying?

“Hey, are you okay what…-” I said concerned, I have never seen him cry, no matter how hard Kunikida hits him, or what stupid thing he does or says, he has never cried. 

“Get out” He told me without looking at me. 

“Osamu, it's okay, we can talk-” I said softly trying to calm him down.

“ Get the fuck out! ” He screamed at me, the type of scream that makes you forget how to breathe and triggers your fight or flight, and so I chose the later one. 

I stood up and left the room, closing the door behind me. I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath, then went to the bathroom and sat on the floor with my back to the door. I started to cry softly out of frustration, sadness and anger. I know this is no one's fault but it still feels shitty. 

I know he was probably having a bad dream reliving a traumatic memory and his aggression was trigger from the raising my voice and shaking him trying him to wake up, also because of the feelings of despair the memory brought to consciousness, so I could tell myself that his behavior is not with ill intent just an impulsive reaction to the different stimuli going on. 

But then again, he is not a patient, he is a person that I care about and have formed an affectionate bond, so his reactions have a different impact in me, which is now causing me to feel sad and self deprecating, and guilty even though I know that it's not my fault, but it still feels like I could have handle this different. 

Why did it have to be Dazai the one to stay with me here? Why couldn't it be Atsushi? I thought.

Shit. 

I whipped my tears and I washed my face. My eyes looked red and puffy. 

Dazai was in the hallway almost as if he was waiting for me. 

“Aw, she couldn't handle being yelled at? Sad I'm not what you want me to be?” he said in a sarcastic childish voice. I looked at him and sighed, then went to my room and went back to bed. 

 ◘◘◘

She woke up an hour ago and had been staring at the ceiling since then. She was thinking on how to deal with the man sleeping in the room across from her. And how she wanted things to go. Dazai is known to weaponize what he can to take control of situations, and she was capable of the same, but she can't deny the soft spot she has for the quirky detective. 

She needs to play her cards well or she will end up being devoured by the snake. 

The atmosphere in the small house felt heavy and cold, as if it was a big mansion and not a little town house in the middle of a desolate rural street. 

She had forgotten her role and she is putting back the makeup on to go on stage. 

She got up from the bed and went directly to take a shower, she didn't hear the other person inside the house get up or go outside their room so she was the first to make a move. She was once again, turning the tide. 

She decided to put some makeup on as a war paint, winged eyeliner on her eyes, it hurt when she did the one on the side she had a black eye, she decided not to cover it today, let it be shown she is bruised. She came out wearing just a really oversized burgundy shirt that she found deep within the closet as a dress. 

She made her way to the kitchen and started making coffee. She heard the man get out of his room and make his way to the living room, he eyed her up and down, raised an eyebrow then walked to the couch in the living room. 

As soon as the coffee was ready she moved her piece.

“Come to the kitchen, we need to talk” She said in a monotone voice and her face held up high, as if she was trying to look down at him.

The man let out a chuckle but took a seat at the kitchen table. She poured him a cup of coffee, with two sugars and milk, then took a seat in front of her lover, hunter, friend and enemy. 

“Care to explain what happened in the night?” She asked him, looking straight at him, reading his every move.

“Oh, don't you know? Monsters come out at night to play” He said with a smirk on his face letting her know he was going to join the game.

“I know, but I am not afraid of the dark…are you?” She asked with a hint of mischief and putting her elbows on the table holding her face on both her hands. 

“I am not a child” he said as if he was getting bored of the conversation.

“ Then stop acting like one ” She whispered loud enough so he could hear her. 

“I am not the one who cries for every mild inconvenience or when the little castles in the clouds she makes come crashing down” he said, venom leaking out his fangs.

“I am not ashamed of crying, I am not ashamed of who I am, can you say the same?” She said, flames reflecting on the black of her eyes, she knew she was starting to push buttons down.

The man before her flinched a little, his eyes glowed red with anger for a second, but she knew well enough, the anger was not aimed at her precisely, but at the fact that her troops were advancing. 

“Ahh, is it payback time? I never took you for the petty type?” He asked, sipping his coffee and reading her opponent like a newspaper. 

“Honesty is not pettiness, and not answering is cowardice” She answered mimicking his actions. 

“Do you want to play this game with me, honeybear?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and a smirking, crazy look on his eye.

“Yes, I want to play this game with you, not for you to play me like a game” she said, lowering my arms and giving him a softer look. 

“This is what you get, you have told me yourself, I am the Devil” He said, with a serious look on his eyes, tone lower than before.

“And I am Lilith, mother of demons, so no, this is not what I get. Don't you ever think I won't get what I deserve” she said, turning my head to the side and lifting her chin as if she was looking down at him from a throne of bones.

“You are not going to like it, so just fucking withdraw, you think that what happened is bad? That's a fucking walk on the park, that's what you are getting into. This is not even hell, this is purgatory, sweetheart” He said pointing at himself and raising his voice a little.

“So get over yourself, your skin and bones are not made for hellfire, you are biting more than you can chew” He said almost as a whisper. 

“Me getting over myself? You are the one that needs to get out of his fucking head! Stop it with your freaking inadequate complex, I can handle hell, I can handle fire, but I don't think you can handle your own role. It is you who flinches, it is you who is running away because he doesn't think he can take being cared for, because you don't think you deserve it, well I don't care if you think you deserve it, I am who decides who deserves my affection, so suck it up” She yelled at him, pointing her finger at him like the people of Jerusalem did to Jesus. Without even noticing it she was standing up in her chair. 

He kept quiet.

She took a deep breath and sighed.

“I can see you try, and I can also see you struggle, and you have the right to do that, but you are not allowed to take your frustration on me, not like that, just give me the chance to prove myself worthy before you toss me to the wolves and discard me” she said in a low tone, she sounded tired, as if she had run a thousand miles just to reach out to Dazai, who felt so far away.

The silence once again creeped on them and made itself comfortable. 

They were just staring at each other from their side of the ring. Both bloodied and bruised in their own ways. 

“I'm sorry I yelled at you and then mock you for crying” He said, as if Lucifer had gotten his wings back and was taking his spot in the celestian court. 

“I'm sorry if I push you too far out of my own needs” She said lowering her weapons. 

They both took a sip out of their coffee and closed their eyes, without the fear of going back to war, a truce has been announced in the realms of hell.

Chapter Text

“Can I kiss you?” He said in an innocent tone like a kid asking for a cookie.

My mind had stopped working, after all that tension and concentration, him asking for a kiss sounds like he is talking in another language.

“I-I guess…” I whispered, confusion placed in my expressions.

“That's not really an answer.” He said, pouting his lips and looking away.

“Yes, you can kiss me.” I said softly and replaced the confusion on my face with a little smile on my lips. I liked watching him act a little childish, there were glimpses of moments where he and I forget who we are and think of each other like normal people. 

He stood up from his chair and walked to mine, he held my face with his hands, long fingers framing the sides of my face, I could feel the softness of the bandages on my chin. He looked at me for a second and then leaned in. It was a soft kiss, almost a small peck, it was different from the other kiss we have had, this was more… affectionate. 

He then held our foreheads together after the kiss for a while. I felt like sleeping, I could really fall asleep like this. But then he pulled away and gave me the littlest of smiles with soft brown eyes.

“Lets make some breakfast” He said, pulling me up. 

We were making an omelet since there wasn't a lot to work with, he was helping me cut some of the vegetables and I was beating the eggs to get them fluffy. 

“So…where are we standing in the, um, us situation?” I asked looking at the eggs so I wouldn't have to look at him. 

“Mmm…you can consider this a free trial.” He said, in his normal tone, so not goot, not bad, but still not completely comfortable. 

I turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised.

“If after these days of being stuck with me, you want to give it a try, I'll think about it, like for real this time.” He said, raising the knife as a failed form to express honesty. 

“So you haven't even thought about the possibility of an us?” I asked, kind of hurt. 

“Yes and no. It's no secret that all my relationships are casual, and that's for a reason. You don't do casual, and that's for a reason too. So, why would I get anyone's hopes up in such a hopeless case?” He answered in his teacher's voice, but the last part sounded more sad than I think he intended. 

“You don't know me” I muttered as if I was complaining.

“But I do my honeybear! I am just trying to keep the demons at bay, I might be a bad man that has done questionable things, but I am not someone who wishes to make others miserable, not anymore at least .” He said half joking and half serious.

“I can take care of myself.” I whispered, still annoyed.

“But wont you let me take care of you too?” He said placing the knife close to his face and making a cute face. I let out a soft chuckle. 

“No thanks, I think you are going to mess me up more” I said jokingly.

“ Oh, I can mess with you however you like, whenever you want, and in any position you ask ” he said seductively with a smirk. I blushed intensely. 

“ Qué traes, te me calmas ” I said, turning around to beat the eggs in peace. ('what is going on with you, calm down')

Dazai just laughed, it sounded like an honest and truthful laugh.

“We are not going to do that kind of stuff until-”

“We get married? Didn't know you were so traditional” He said, raising an eyebrow, while cutting the vegetables perfectly without looking at them, his attention was on me.

“I am not a prude nor a traditionalist, but you are going to like those options better…” I said to him as my sight went down to the floor for a second. 

“We are not having sex until I can see you without the bandages, if you get to see me naked, its only fair it goes both ways” my voice was shaking a little, I know this is a sensible subject. He looked at me for a second then he switched to look through me right to the thing I cannot yet grasp. 

“You may have to wait a long time, and there's not even a guarantee that it will happen.” He said, his tone was sad and calm, his attention was now on the cutting board.

“That's fine, I am good at waiting, plus, I don't like you just because you are a hot piece of ass” I said, unable to hold back the chuckle, he chuckled too. 

We finished and ate our breakfast in peace too. 

• ••

We were in the living room, the sun was setting and we were just laying on the living room floor looking at the ceiling, listening to whatever is going on in the TV. 

“You should tell me if you are going to get high, at least in here when there's someone trying to kill us, you know?” I said softly, trying not to get him defensive.

“You are so boring” he whispered sarcastically.

“Well excuse me for trying to keep us alive and well” I answered laughing. 

“You are not excused, let us die together and rejoin in the after life” He said complaining.

“Amen” I said, putting my hands together as if I was praying.

“No, but really Osamu that is dangerous, what are we going to do if someone comes and you are tripping balls? You are the brains and I am only the brawns” I heard him laugh again.

“It's fine, I have everything under control as always” He said, lifting his hands and moving them as if directing an orchestra.

“Fine, but still you have to tell me just so I know, what if I wanted to get high too you selfish bastard” I told him complaining.

“Do you?” He turned his body to me and raised an eyebrow. 

“Depends, what you have, pretty boy?” I asked as if I knew what I was doing. I have gotten high before, haven't been the best experiences but not the worst.

“Mmm you don't look the type to get high, so what about weed?” He said wiggling his eyebrows, it was pretty funny.

“Sounds interesting, but if me palideo o se me sube el muerto, you have to bring me back to the life of the living.” I said turning to him and pointing a finger at him.

“What is that?” He said confused.

“ Palidear or que se te suba el muerto , its when you get a bad trip, palidear comes from going pale, and que se te suba el muerto literally means that a dead one gets on top of you, often referred in sleep paralysis when you can't move or talk” I said acting like Kunikida, I even pushed my nonexistent glasses up the bridge of my nose, Dazai was looking at me with a grin on his face.

“Thanks for the class teacher, I'll be right back” he said standing up and heading to his room, he came back with two joints and a lighter, his eyes looked innocent yet mischievous, as if he knew this was prohibited but that made him want to do it more. He looked younger than he is.

“I might have to accuse you with the President, boy” I said jokingly, and watched as he put one of the ciggies in his mouth and lit it up.

“Oh he knows, he doesn't really care as long as it is not on the job, you think Rampo didn't go running to tell him as soon as he noticed? Such a snitch…” He said laughing and letting the smoke fill the room. I got up and opened the window a little.

“Leave him alone, that's his dad” I responded, and he laughed and passed me the lit joint. I looked at it, I felt like I was back in college. 

“Do you know how to or should I help you, pretty eyes?” He said with a taunting smile. 

I took a hit, not too big because it has been a while since I have done this, and I don't want to go on a coughing fit right now. I held it in for a second and then exhaled letting the smoke out slowly. 

Dazai was looking at me, his elbow resting on his knee, his face on his hand, and he was just examining me as I smoked. He had a soft smile on his face, and I winked at him in response.

Then I started coughing. Dazai started laughing uncontrollably,  that kind of laugh that makes you cry.  I started laughing, laughing and coughing. 

“Stop laughing, it's not that funny!” I yelled at him while he was practically rolling on the floor.  

“Aw man you looked so cool and then I remembered you are a goodie old shoes.” He said, his laughing subsiding a little, he got into a sitting position and I passed him the joint.

“I am not a goodie old shoes, forgive me for not having a criminal record longer than my shopping list” I said rolling my eyes. 

“It's not that big… just various accounts on the same crimes!” he said, sticking his tongue out as if mocking me. And I smiled at him.  

By the second hit I was feeling the heaviness of the effects of the marihuana, I was light headed but not in a dizzy way, and I felt a slight tingle on my body, especially my hands and chest. 

“Already baked darling?” Dazai, as he noticed the effects I was having as well. 

“It's been a while” I said laughing without having a real reason, he just smiled at me and took another hit. He looked fine, his eyes started to get a little red and his pupils a little dilated, his shoulders seemed more relaxed also, but that's about it. 

“So you had a rebellious phase huh? Tell me about it” He said with a soft smile. I got closer to the couch so I could rest my body weight on it, and he did the same, we were facing each other. 

“Mmm i don't think of it as rebellious, I have always been punkish, I am a minority, I have always been swimming against the current, but I did feel more free in college specially the last year , I start drinking, I started smoking, first cigarettes, I did try weed a couple times, I did acid once, not fun for me, but who knows now” I said looking at the ceiling and tapping my nose while thinking. 

“Acid? Watch out, we got a mad woman in here!” He said, mocking me and laughing, I laughed too. 

“What happened in the first years of college, why did you only enjoy the last one?” He said softly. I don't know if it was because I was high but he looked normal again, like when we were on a fake date, I felt like I was just talking to a friend that I liked in his living room, talking about our lives and what we like and what we don't.

“I'm pretty sure you already know, as if you didn't do a background check on me when you were bored…” I whispered, closing my eyes a little bit in suspicion.

“I did, but I want to hear it from you because I like hearing you talk” He said laughing and closed his eyes for a little while, maybe he is feeling the weed too.

“Well, I had an on and off relationship since high school, looking back it was kind of abusive since the beginning, but I was young, I didnt even liked the guy, I just thought I had to like him” I said frowning, Dazai was looking at me concentrating on me and my reactions. 

“And the before the last year of college I broke with him for good, the relationship was emotionally violent but one day it got physical, he put his hands around on me, he tried to choke me and for a second I really thought I was going to die, and I don't have a problem with dying, my first suicidal thought was like when I was 12 years old, anyway, but thinking of dying by the hands of that tasteless fucker, nah , thats not the way I wanted to go. So I ended it, and was free for a while” I have rambled way too much. Don't do drugs kids, you will end up oversharing. I turned my gaze to the floor in embarrassment. 

It was something I wanted to forget also, it is not something I have told people. You should never be embarrassed or afraid of telling your story of abuse, it is nothing to be ashamed of, but I come from a pretty misogynistic place, I was just going to get victim-blamed so I never said anything. 

I felt his hand reach for mine, with his other free hand he held my face up and looked at me, a weird look on his eyes.

“Do you want me to kill him for you? I won't even use my hound, I'll do it myself” His Lucifer role entered the chat. 

“No, you are with the Agency now, you don't kill, and I knew you were the one who helped Chuuya, you gave the information and he went with it right? Why are you always having conversations about me without me!” I said hitting him on the shoulder, he just shrugged his shoulders, I was too high to get mad. 

“Plus if I ever see him again, I want to be the one that kicks his ass” I muttered and pointed at myself, and frowned. 

“Okay honey, you kill him and we'll get rid of the body together, I have a tip or two about that” He said laughing and I laughed too, we should be laughing about this. 

“And how were your rebellious years, Osamu?” I asked as if he was just a normal man with a normal upbringing.

“Well… I guess all my years have been rebellious years, but there was a time I was getting too distracted with drugs and punks and stuff, I got reprimanded a lot by Mori. I have done a lot of stuff, I think the worst was heroin, you shouldn't do that…” he said, looking away as if he was ashamed.

“Yeah, I have heard about that… how did you get out of that labyrinth?” I asked, squeezing his hand.

“Chuuya beat up every drug dealer in Yokohama, even its surrounding cities, and threaten to kill them if they sold me heroin, also other drugs, that didn't stop me from getting stuff like weed but no hard stuff, that fucking slug ruins everything I swear” He said scrunching his nose. And I look at him softly. 

“It's nice that you got to have a best friend at least for a while… I'm sure you helped each other out a lot, as well as got each other in trouble” I whispered, he turned away, cheeks a little red, might be the weed, might be not. 

“Fuck that guy, cant stand him” He whispered and I laughed.

“I'm sure you both care for each other, in your own twisted ways” I said standing up and offering him a hand, he took it puffing his cheeks in disagreement. 

I went to the kitchen because I was thirsty and he followed me as if he was my shadow. He was hugging me from behind and resting his head on the crook of my neck. I passed him a glass of water and we just drank it in silence. 

He then turned me around and put one hand on my waist and the other one took my hand, so we were slow-dancing in the kitchen to no music at all.  I put my hand on his shoulder and had to stand on my tip toes, he had his eyes closed, all his sharp features were turning soft. 

“Didn't know you get dancey when you are intoxicated” I whispered, moving my hands to his neck, and he placed both of his on my waist. He kept his eyes closed.

“Mmm…there's a lot you don't know about me” He whispered back and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. This isn't so bad. 

Then a memory came to me, me in a black dress, him in his casual clothes, drunk under a streetlight, us dancing, me kissing him, then he kissing me, oh my god. 

“Hey the night we went bar hopping did we…-” I asked shyly.

“Kissed? Yeah, it was fun.” He whispered while laughing. I just buried my head in his chest again, I don't know why I found it so embarrassing. 

Then we heard ruffling outside, we stopped dancing but stayed in the same position without making any more. Our eyes were open now, I heard Dazais heartbeat a little faster than usual. 

Then we heard a crash.

Chapter Text

I could feel him tense up a little. He moved me to the side, and I looked up to him, I almost could hear him think. He looked around then opened a kitchen drawer pulling a gun out and headed to the door. 

“Stay here for a bit” He said softly, and I rolled my eyes at him and went to grab a kitchen knife, and followed him, he rolled his eyes at me in annoyance. 

He opened the door, and there he was. 

“KARL♥!” I yelled and threw the knife to the nearest wall so I would stick into it and opened my arms so the little creature could jump on me. And he did. 

“Ugh, I don't get what you see in it, they can get you rabies you know?” He said scrunching his nose as he watched me snuggle the small raccoon. He had a cellphone in his little hands, which Dazai took. 

We have been uncommunicated all this time, in fear that our phones would be tracked so I'm guessing the Agency has something to tell us and sent Karl since he is well, a raccoon. One of the nice things that came out of the war was Rampo and Poe's friendship, or relationship. I don't know don't care, I just loved Poe's pet, the raccoon named Karl. 

The phone started to ring. 

“Shit it's a video call” I heard Dazai yell, I ran to my room with Karl still in my arms. I moved him to my shoulders so I could look for something to help us in the situation. I ran back to the kitchen and threw Dazai some eye drops, he just raised an eyebrow but put some and so did I. we looked at each other and did hand movements as if we were Broadway actors ready to go out on stage. 

He pressed accept.

“Hiii guys! How are things? Missing us already?” Dazai said in his overly optimistic fake voice, and I just rolled my eyes. 

“Hello, sorry for the long wait, there have been some discoveries, we think that in two days you can be back home, how are you handling things?” Kunikida said over the phone looking as serious as ever, I could see Atsushi and Kyoka trying to take a peak. 

“That's nice, I miss eating things that aren't eggs and ramen” I said laughing.

“Is Dazai behaving? If not, you are free to beat him up as much as you think is necessary” Kunikida said, his tone almost encouraging. 

“I am a gentleman as always Kunikida-kun, I don't get why you have zero faith in me” Dazai said, touching his chest as if he had been shot. 

“So, have you almost killed each other, or fucked?” Yosano chimed in out of nowhere. I just blushed, my ears hot, Dazai, being high also slipped and we didn't answer immediately, and Yosano was raising her eyebrow.

“ Yes ” we both said at the same time but in different tones. Then we had everyone on the freaking screen, looking at us as if they were cops and we were being interrogated. 

“Anyways, can we keep Karl until we come back?” I asked, trying to break the tension and presenting Karl like a baby on the camera as if they didn't know who he was. 

“No! He comes back, that was the deal!” I heard Poe's voice in the background. 

“ Ashhh ” I complained. 

“Are you guys high?” Rampo asked, opening his eyes and smirking. 

“ Nah ” “ nuh uh ” “ pff ” we both said different answers and Rampo just started laughing loudly, and I wanted to laugh too but Dazai elbowed me in the ribs. 

“Well, we will keep in touch.” Kunikida said suspiciously. 

“You can use the phone to send messages and it has internet.” Yosano said in the background.

“Please be safe! Atsushi doesn't want any siblings!” She added and I could hear Atsushi making a nervous comment. I just blushed and looked away.

“Aw wouldn't you want a mini me running around the office?” Dazai said while hugging me.

“No” we all said in unison, and Dazai faked crying. 

Then we hung up and started laughing like crazy for a while, the weed still doing its job. We sent Karl off and I threw a tantrum. 

“We should go to bed” I said, yawning, and Dazai did too, we went to our own bedrooms and said goodnight. 

I was tossing around on my futon, I kept replaying today in my head. We were almost killing each other in the morning, then we were opening up with the help of mind altering substances, how we held hands, how we danced, how we kissed. I was blushing and squealing like a schoolgirl, Jesus Christ.  

I heard a knock. 

“You awake?” I heard Dazai's voice from behind the door. I just groaned in response. I am not used to not sleeping. He opened the door and stood on the door frame holding his pillow. I eyed him and moved to the side, he gave me a sleepy grin. 

He made his way into my bed putting his pillow beside me, we were facing each other, our noses almost touching from how close we had to be to fit into the small futon, thank god he is pretty scrawny. He had this stupid smile on his face. 

“What are you smiling about, mister?” I whispered to him, also smiling.

“You are in too deep honey, a lost cause honestly” His whispered between chuckles. 

“Meh, tell me something I don't know, I have told you before, I am no good at doing what's best for me” I said softly. 

He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss, I pulled him closer as if I was afraid he would disappear, because I was, not only literally but metaphorically. This man is a ticking time bomb and I know that, and here I am trying to defuse it, knowing damn well I don't have the experience to do this job. 

“Stop thinking and go to sleep” He whispered in my ear.

“Get me to sleep then” I said suggestively and I could hear his eyebrow raised.

"Don't tease me like that." he said as his hands went from my waist to my hips. I just giggled and turned around to go to sleep, he cuddled me putting his arm on my waist again and pressing his body on mine, like a nice weighted blanket. And I don't know if it was the weed but I was knocked down. 

♠♠♠

I heard a lot of noise in the bathroom. Throwing things around and small whispers. I turned around to find Dazai gone, pillow still in place, his side of the bed was still warm. 

I tried to get up but my head was spinning and I was getting nauseous, my heartbeat was faster than usual and my ears were ringing. 'Oh no, I am coming down' , I thought. I don't usually do weed for a reason, it alway bit me in the ass after. 

I walked to the bathroom stumbling a little while holding my head, and knocked slowly on the door.

“Hey… is everything okay?” I asked, resting my head on the door. I didn't get an answer, I just heard noises. 

“Osamu, are you okay?” I said, raising my voice a little. I heard even more noise, drawers opening, things falling, him cursing under his breath.

“Yeah… just go back to bed” he whispered and kept cursing softly. 

“No, open the door.” I said, trying to turn the knob. I heard water, just what is going on?

“Fuck off and go to bed, Ill be right back” He said with an unsual tone, voice breaking, and thats my cue. 

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a hammer that was under the sink, walked back and stood in front of the bathroom door. A million thoughts running through my head, I am about to be really disruptive and intrusive. And I hit the doorknob with the hammer breaking it. The door opened slowly. 

He was smoking in the bathtub, full bathtub mind you, cigarette hanging from his lips, no shirt, just bandages and sweatpants. He turned his eyes to me, tired red eyes looking at me from the side, his head resting on the bathtub, his arms resting in the corners of the tub, little red drops decorating the white of the bathtub. 

He looked rough. 

I let out a sigh.

“I told you to go back to bed” He mumbled with the cigarette still hanging from his mouth, he then stared at the thing I have yet to see and figure out. 

“I guess I am in my rebellious phase again” I said entering the room and throwing the hammer on the floor, I rested my hip on the sink and looked at him, trying to figure out what I should do. 

He didn't say anything, he just kept smoking and looking at the entity that haunts his reality. Bandages on his wrists turned pink from the blood and water. 

“I can't do this.” He said softly, still not looking at me.

“Do what?” I asked as I crouched down to get the first aid kit from under the sink. 

“I can't have this” He said, in the saddest tone he has ever used when talking to me, he pulled his hands to his face, covering it and took a deep breath. I don't know if they were tears or water running down his face, and I wanted to cry. He looked just so… broken, looking like a kid who had lost his favorite plushie or his safety blanket. 

“Why not?” I asked, getting close to the bathtub and taking a seat on the floor, my arms on the white edges. 

“I can hear his voice over and over again, telling me I am going to break you and I won't be able to put you back together and it's going to be my fault, it is always my fault, I can't have this kind of life and it was my choice.” His hands still on his face, cigarette ash falling in the water. 

“If I break, you don't have to put me back together, I can do that by myself, I am not your responsibility. I am mine, I am my own.” I whispered to him, reaching a hand to his, intertwining my pinky with his and slowly pulling so I could see his eyes through the cracks. 

 “You deserve the kind of life you want, you deserve happiness, so stop pushing it away.” I gave him a soft smile.

“The life that I want, does not want me back” He said with empty eyes. 

“Everytime I get a little closer to it, the memories of my past, what I have done, what I have allowed, tell me that every minute spent here is poison to everyone around me” He said, unknown water falling from his eyes slowly.

“You know even Mori regretted picking me up and taking care of me? He's too unpredictable, too much work, he said to Koyou once. I wonder how many times he thought of letting me die instead of saving me. If the dirt and low of the world doesn't even want you what are you supposed to do? Where the fuck do I fit in?” He added, his voice breaking at each sentence, and he hid his face once again. 

I stood up and entered he bathtub, enduring the soggy socks, he pushed his legs close to him to make me space, I got close to him took the cigarette and threw it aside after putting the light out and put my hands on top of his, slowly I grabbed them so uncover his face, at first I could feel him tense up but he gave in at last. 

“I think you are right where you need to be, I do believe Odasaku was right, you should be in the side that helps people even if it doesn't mean anything to you, where we are and who we are with stick to us, I can see the glimpses of joy you have when pranking Kunikida, or the soft smiles you give Kenji even when no one is looking, I think my friend, you are getting soft ” I whispered extending his arms to me slowly, looking down at the loose bandages then back at him, asking for permission to uncover just a little. 

His eyes were glassy from the built up tears he refused to let down, he had a concerned frown on his face and his breathing was irregular. There's no way you could believe this man in front of me was feared by several people, and still is probably. He looks like a frail child. 

I brought up the kit up to the corner of the tub, and started to unwrap the bandages covering his wrists. He pulled them away a little, but not enough to get out of my touch. I looked at him and gave him a soft smile, pulling his arms close to me again and continuing to unwrap. 

“I won't see any more than I need to” I whispered, and I kept my word, there were only 3 or 4 centimeters of his wrist without the bandages, the cuts were not that deep, but they were still fresh, thankfully no stitches are needed, I cleaned them and he flinched.    

“I don't think I belong in the Agency, they are wary of me and they should, it wouldn't surprise me if the President thinks the same way as Mori” he whispered, as I placed the emergency laceration adhesive, thank god for those. I raised my eyes to him making a face. 

“Uuh, you for once in your life are wrong, the President cares for you, for all of us, Mori cares for the organization and disregards its members, the President cares for his members, even if that disregards the organization. Yin and Yang quite literally.” I said and I could see him think. 

“People in the Agency care for you, yes they are wary of you sometimes, but it is because you are wary of them, you don't let them in so it frustrates them, and it is frustrating just so you know! I said pointing a finger at him and he gave me a soft chuckle. 

“Anyways, I know it's scary, letting people in giving your history, but you are in control now, Mori won't take any of us away, no one will take us away, because we are choosing to stay, we are choosing this made up family of freaks, we are choosing to make the house a home, and you are part of it, so get in the family picture you dumbass” I said softly and kissed his hands and place them on my face. 

“Can you sing to me?” he asked softly, and  raised an eyebrow. 

“Fine, but no complaining” I said and I pulled him forward and squeezed my way to the back, so he could rest his back on me, he did without much of a fight. 

“You sing well enough” He said laughing softly.

“That's not a compliment” I laughed too. 

Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you had it once
And you know you want it back

I could feel his breathing getting back to normal, and his shoulders relaxed a little, I was playing with his hair. 

Crack baby you don't know what you want
But you know that you need it
And you know that you need it bad
With wild horses running through your hollow bones
Wild horses running through your hollow bones

There we were, swimming in a puddle of dirt, shame, sadness, blood, tears and cigarette ash. And it felt comfortable, it felt human, it felt like healing, even if it was with an emergency adhesive keeping us from falling apart. 

“How did you slip through the cracks?” He asked me, the sadness of his voice turning into curiosity. 

“I didn't, I came in with a sledgehammer, and started to hit the brick wall you have made around yourself” I said laughing, I could hear him chuckle a little too.

“Plus, I am your selfish whim, as you are mine, so don't get it twisted. If we break each other, then we'll build each other back up again.” I whispered in his ear. 

He sat up a little and turned around, turned the shower on, and we stayed looking at each other through the water falling down, almost faking it was rain, without noticing we were hugging each other, I don't know how much time had passed.

He reached out to turn off the shower and passed me a towel and he grabbed one two, we got out of the tub, we glanced at each other soaking wet in the middle of the night, in a bathroom in a house in the middle of nowhere. 

We laughed, the kind of laugh you share with your childhood friends about something that passed long ago and that no one else knows.

“Can you help me change my bandages?” He asked softly, voice trembling.

“Of course” I said softly, and I felt my eyes fill with tears, but none of them fell, I kept them in my eyes, now refusing to let anything go.

Bathrooms have become our little secret rooms where we hide from everything and everyone, except for each other, as if it was a place separate from space and time, no past can reach us, no future can threaten us, there's only the sweet embrace of the now.

Chapter Text

We were back in bed. I did help Dazai change his bandages, but only the first half of his body, because for the other half, “ you have to buy me dinner first ” he said. Needless to say, his body was full of scars, from his neck to his hips, everywhere I could see, they were not only self-inflicted scars, there were marks that were done by others too, from hits or burns. I made my best effort to act like it was no big deal. 

“This is a cool one, the former boss gave it to me, well, more like the former boss corpse, it's complicated but it was cool! It was when I met Chuuya, you can ask him to tell you the story!” He said laughing while he was securing the bandages on his stomach and pointing to a scar in his chest. 

Dazai is not as scrawny as he looks with a shirt on, he has a pretty athletic body, sure he is not buff, but his body sure reflects he can stand his ground in a fight. 

“Are you checking me out? You dirty woman, I just had a breakdown. I am pretty vulnerable, you know?” He said jokingly and I laughed too. 

“I am just a woman” I said, raising my hands as if I was held at gunpoint. 

I laughed while turning in the bed, he was already asleep, I looked at him, wondering how much time we had left in this little honeymoon. Asking myself what are we going to do when we get back. Is it gonna be over? I rested on his chest to hear his heartbeat. I fell asleep quickly without the dread that the drum of his heart would stop. 

○○○

I woke up and Dazai wasn't in bed, his side was cold, and I jolted up the bed, my hair a mess, and ran out of the room. I opened Dazais' room door and nothing, bathroom nothing so I ran to the kitchen and living room. 

“Woah there, what's going on?” I heard the soft mischievous voice that I like. I turned around and he was laying on the couch, head dangling from the arm rest, music playing through the room.

“Don't do that, it scares me” I said, frowning at him and rubbing my eyes with my hand. I went to the kitchen and saw there was coffee and pastries. I turned my head to him with an eyebrow raised.

“I am sorry, but I got you coffee and donuts” He said, still looking at me from the sofa. 

“Do you think that you can buy me with just a couple of pastries, coffee and your pretty face?”  I asked while sitting at the kitchen counter and giving the donut a bite. 

“It has worked so far” He said laughing, and standing up making his way to the kitchen. He took my donut and bit it, and also took a sip of my coffee.

“It won't soon, if you keep eating what you give me.” I said complaining. 

The old radio was still playing in the background, even though the TV was still on, it was set on a local radio station playing whatever the people requested. 

“So, when do you think we are going back to normal?” I asked him, continuing to eat my donut.

“Never, things will never be the same, for you and the Agency, and for us” He said, flickering lightly on the forehead. 

“Why no?” I asked confused, he just laughed and went back to the couch. 

I just frowned and lay on the living room floor while we talked about everything and nothing at the same time. I was actually getting sleepy. 

“Hey, what do you like about me?” He asked out of nowhere. His tone was curious, his childish side coming outside to play. 

“Mmmm… I like that you are smart, but not the academic stuck up kind of smart, like creative and intuitive kind of smart which makes it interesting to be around you. You can also be funny and theatrical, and even though you almost always act like that to obtain something, I think there is a part of you that really is like that. We can also talk for hours about nothing and anything without it feeling like a chore. We can also stay quiet for hours and it doesn't feel weird.” I rambled looking at the ceiling then looked at him, he was staring down at me from the couch, eyes reading me as if to catch me in a lie. 

“And you? I get why I like you, but I don't really get your interest in me, apart from the role I have to play in your grand plan” I asked him, bopping his nose. 

“Mmm… well, since you freaking attacked me the first time we met I thought you were interesting but not like extraordinary, then I saw potential so I started to mess with you, and I liked that even though you are insecure and kind of anxious, you never take my shit and call me out, and I think that's very brave. Also your mental health background helps you understand me without me having to explain, but you don't treat me as a patient, you treat me like… a human” he said as if he was talking to himself. 

“hm… it feels both like a compliment and a critique” I said laughing and he looked at me confused as if he didnt understand why. 

He rolled himself off the couch and threw himself softly on the floor beside me. He looked like a child who was about to ask if he could eat dessert before eating his meal. 

He stared at me with a mischievous smile on his lips, his face close to mine, I just stared back at him with a neutral face, I wanted to laugh but I just held it in. 

“Why are you staring at me with that face?” I finally asked, smiling back at him. He just got close, nose and knees touching. 

“We are bored, we have a lot of dead time, we are young… should we make out? ” He asked with a huge grin on his face, almost squealing with excitement like a little kid. A young adolescent kind of spark in his eyes. 

 I often noticed Dazais immature nature was linked to the fact that he had no childhood or adolescence, except maybe when he met Chuuya and despite hating each other, their relationship was of teens. 

If I didn't remember that we were in a safe house because someone is threatening to kill me. I would think that I was in his house after ditching school with my crush just to make out before his parents came home. 

“ hm…I don't know…should we really ?” I said playfully, faking being shy. 

“Shut up” He whispered with his lips inches from mine, and he grabbed my face and kissed me, and I kissed him back. This was different from the other times we have kissed, often our lips collided in anger, in sadness, in frustration and desperation, painfully aware that this is but a crumbling house we are building together with false hopes and selfish desires. 

But this kiss feels…delusional, as if we are ignoring the world is falling apart, this feels like making believe that we are normal, just two young adults fooling around in a house, a little getaway from their grown up jobs. 

Dazai touch is soft and indirect, much like his personality, his interventions are based on teasing, only the tip of his fingers touching slightly my skin from my neck to my shoulders, to my waist and my hips. Staying in place just a little while before hitting the road again, I should think of it as a warning but I am choosing to ignore it and pay the fine later. 

He bit my lower lip softly wanting to deepen the kiss and I let him, I have made my peace with the fact that I will let him ruin me a little, I will let him do what he wants, because I want it too. We are no good. I feel myself pulling him closer by the old button down, that's clearly not his, he is wearing, and pushing my hips close to him, he smirks through the kiss, knowing that I am yielding my self control and giving into him. He likes control and so do I. He likes having it and I like having the option of giving it away.

His long fingers playing with the hem of the oversized t-shirt I am wearing, making sure he has a permit to travel upstate, and I just started to unbutton his shirt one by one. The slight touch on my shirt turned into a confident grip on my skin, placing his hands on my waist and pressing me to him. My hands go up to his neck as my mission on the buttons is done, and I touch the small elastic staple that holds this troubled man together with bandages. 

He hesitates and stops the kiss. And as the time stops, the only thing that can be heard is the accelerated breathing and heartbeats and the music coming from the old radio that Dazai had on since the morning. 

He sits up and I mirror him trying to read the situation. He looks at me with a weird look on his face, between surprise and lust, and caution. I just held his gaze and he stood up and looked down at me with eyebrows frowned. Did I overstepped?  

He held his hand down to me so he could help me up, and I was confused, and a little bit sad. Even though I respect the decision, can't say I didn't want to be closer to him, as close as I could be. He then pulls me hard into him and kisses me again, as he shakes the old button down to the ground, and now I smile through the kiss.

His hands on my hips start traveling down my shirt up to my back, my hands on his neck undoing the wraps that keep him safe from the outer world. He leads me up the wall and pushes me against it. We are heading to a dangerous road, and I think I want to crash and burn.

He pulls the shirt I am wearing up my head and tosses it down the floor, now I am just a mess in my bra and some shorts I found deep in a drawer and he is just a mess of half undone bandages. He picks me up so I wrap my legs around his hips and he starts kissing my neck. I can feel the pressure between my legs, this is bad, very bad, we are very few miles away to head down a road where there is no turning back. 

I unconsciously moan as he kisses down my neck and he stops. And I want to die. 

“ Shh… ” He said resting his head on the crook of my neck. 

“Are you fucking hushing me?” I whisper angrily ath him. We stay still, and I feel him tense up, he doesn't answer me he just keeps unmoving. 

The song on the radio playing the same part over and over again, literally like a broken record. 

“Shit shit shit” he whispers and now I could hear him think, and I was getting anxious, I unwrapped my legs and he took a step back.

“Get dressed, now .” He said seriously and started to deal with the mess I have made with his bandages. 

“...did I do something wrong? I'm sorry I just-” I said softly, my heart was beating rapidly due to the million thoughts that were haunting me in my head.

He just came and kissed me, short and hurried but it was sweet nevertheless.

“Nope, this was perfect, actually we are going to finish this later” He said pointing at the both of us, and winking, but then continued to deal with his bandages.

“But right now we need to leave, put on some shoes, now .” He said it like an order, and I followed it, noticing the seriousness of his tone. 

I tumbled around looking for the t-shirt he had thrown across the room and ran to my bedroom, to put on some pants so I could move around freely, I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door. Dazai was already there, hiding a gun in the back of his pants. I started to put my boots on, sitting on the floor and looking up to him watching him think.

“What is going on?” I asked him while tying my laces.

“They came sooner than anticipated but nothing that I can't handle.” He said as he opened the door, and outside was a duffle bag. 

“Ah, it looks like Santa made it in time” He said, putting his hands together and raising a leg up like a girl that just got a new dollhouse. 

He opened it and there was a bow and arrows, also other guns and some knives. 

“We are running for your lives in a fucking bicycle” He says turning at me with a crazy look on his eyes.

Chapter Text

“Running away from whom exactly?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. 

“Everyone, but most importantly, them!” He said pointing to some black vans that were approaching the house. 

“Aw fuck” I said complaining and watched as Dazai took the lone back we have practically stolen and motioned me to get on the back and I did, as I took the bow and arrow to be prepared. 

“So what's the big plan? They are in a car, we are in a freaking bicycle!” I yelled as he headed down the lonely rural road as fast as he could, hearing the car approaching.

“Get the tires, hold on tight and get the tires” He yelled back, and I could feel the van getting really close. I took out the bow and placed an arrow, I was holding onto Dazai by, once again, wrapping my legs around him. 

He then stopped suddenly, almost making me fall, but that made it easier for me to aim. I used his shoulder as a resting table, so my hand wouldn't tremble, and I let go. The car in front of us started to zig zag and lose control. Dazai stopped completely and changed direction going the opposite way we were headed. 

“Listen, once again, you will do as I say, do not talk, do not act on your own, just trust my plan, no matter how bad it looks, trust your devious Devil, okay?” He said softly, he was panting from the pedaling at full speed and I could see two other black cars heading our way. 

I kissed him on the cheek and held onto him. He then stopped once we reached a part of the road that was surrounded by various types of trees and vegetation. He got off the bike and took my hand and started to run.

He doesn't want us to get away, he wants to negotiate and it's looking for his upperhand , I thought to myself. 

We got to the middle of a field surrounded by trees, the sounds of crickets and leaves rustling serenade us as various footsteps were added to the symphony. 

"Let's just stop this wild goose chase, Dazai." a good looking man with round glasses said in a serious tone.

"You are really no fun Ango." Dazai said, putting me behind him.

"Oh, you are the man from the picture!" I said pointing at him, he made a weird face, like when you get a sharp pain in your stomach. 

"Um…hi, I am Sakaguchi Ango from the Special Division for Unusual Powers, and you need to come with me, please avoid resisting, you are all surrounded, this doesn't have to be difficult." he said in a stern voice and looked at me. 

"How did you get along with this guy? He looks pretty boring…" I said to Dazai with a frown in my face and he just shrugged his shoulders. 

The man named Ango sighed. 

"Dazai, just hand her over, it's what's best for everyone, even for her, I promise we will treat her well in honor of our past friendship" Ango said, this man is really formal, I still wonder how he was friends with the wreck that Dazai Osamu is.

"Oh I can't let you do that, you see we were planning to elope and you are messing with my plans" Dazai said and held me close I just looked at him raising an eyebrow. 

" Also Ango, remember that I let you live once out of the goodness of my heart, I don't think I am philanthropist enough to do it twice " Dazai said in a menacing tone, and I think I saw the man with the round glasses shiver. 

People with guns started to walk closer to us, and Ango was right, they were coming from left to right, there was no escape, but Dazai said I should trust him and that I will. 

“Dazai… let's be smart about this-” Ango said, lifting one hand and suddenly Dazai had a gun pointing at the man that's on a picture that's inside the drawer on his desk. 

There were also a bunch of guns pointing at Dazai, and I also felt one on my back. Dazai was still holding the gun at Ango, I kept unmoving remembering the stupid detective's orders. 

And then Dazai lifted his gun and dropped it, raising his hands in defeat. 

“Aw you got us!, we can't go against government orders right?” He said in a carefree fake voice. Ango made a signal and everyone lowered their weapons. 

“Damn Ango, you sure have power, such a great leader you are, I wish I was more like you, ya know?” Dazai said in a sarcastic tone and whistled. 

Then the atmosphere turned tense, cold wind blew and almost all the soldiers were taken down in a second. A small cough was heard in the distance, as screams were colored in red and black. The slim tall man walked in as if this scene was a park. 

“I'll be taking the girl, and if you try something I will murder you all” Akutagawa entered the scene and I turned my gaze to Dazai. He looked unfazed, a small twitch in the corner of his lips, as if trying to hold back a smile. He planned this, and I let out the breath I was holding in.

Ango also turned to Dazai, and the wavy haired detective changed his facial expression, putting on the mask of a frown as if he was concerned, trying to fool the man in front of him.

“Ango, take her now, I'll deal with Akutagawa, but oh so help me God that if you cant let me see her when I am done, I will burn the whole government to the ground” Dazai said, motioning me to go with Ango. I really didn't like this dynamic, I never knew If I should just do the thing or if he had something else in mind. I really wished he would just tell me his plans beforehand, at least the ones that include me. 

Ango took his gun and signaled me with his head to follow him, and I did. Akutagawa headed our way but was met with Dazai just shooting at him. Probably bringing back bad memories in Akutagawa's head. 

“I never took Dazai for a tequila drinker, he always used to drink whisky on ice and that's it, such a strange case that he suddenly changed his drink.” Ango said as we ran, and looked at me weirdly. Is he part of Dazai ' s plan? 

“You are not getting away!” We heard Akutagawa scream at us and I could see Ango getting tired, we barely dodge the sharp fabric that was Rashomon, the formal looking man fell and I helped him up, I heard Dazai yell at Akutagawa something. 

“You need to leave, there must be a car on the road, it will take you to a government facility, just trust me, Dazai and I will be there as soon as possible” Ango said, handing me card key, and an envelope with a letter, he was struggling to run, I could see this type of situations are not of his expertise, he kept falling and tripping on his feet, and the hellhound was getting closer as well as his fangs.

“Hey Ango, do you ever consider Dazai your friend, like a real friend?” I asked as I tried to help him up. He had a puzzled look on his face.

“I did, sometimes I still do” He said between heavy breaths. 

“You better” I said as I positioned myself in front of him and moved him to the side, feeling a hot and piercing sensation on my stomach. I know what I was doing, I didn't like it that much, but the image of Dazai staring at the picture with a soft smile. The smile he had on that picture, looking his age, looking almost happy. I don't want anything to take that away. 

◘◘◘

The smell of blood filled the air, the sound of ripping fabric and ripping skin echoed in the small meadow they were on. The eyes of the government employee grew as big as the moon illuminating the horror scene before him. He was speechless, watching in slow motion how the girl he was trying to protect sacrificed herself to save him from being stabbed by the Port Mafia's hellhound. 

“You are important to him, so always be on his side or I will haunt you from the afterlife” She whispered as she fell. 

It felt different that she would expect it, she felt a sharp pain and the air being knocked out of her lungs, and then…nothing. ' Maybe this is why Osamu tries to die all the time ', she thought. She saw the surprised face of the government's Agent, he heard the browned haired detective she had a crush on yell something at Akutagawa, then at her, she saw him run in her direction with a weird look on his face. 

' Is this part of the plan? ', she thought. But then she thought it couldn't be. She acted on her own, she did what she thought was the best for the man who let her see what's behind the disguise. Part of her wanted to go, things have been heavy lately. She hasn't been having a lot of contact with her family, she was scared of what she was becoming, of the idea of telling them she didn't want to go back home, that she liked the Agency, that she liked the detective they hated, that she was feeling happy away from them. 

She missed Chuuya. She missed talking to him about random shit, telling him about how she didnt like that much Rory from Gilmore Girls but because she reminded her of herself, and then he binged watched the whole show just to understand what she was talking about. She missed his rough edges but soft center. 

She liked where she was but felt like she was singing in a different tune than his coworkers in the Agency, even the people who surrounded her. Maybe she was ready to let go and just appreciate the time and adventures she had.

She felt like she had been falling for ages, she saw as she got closer to the cold ground, she closed her eyes to feel the impact, she expected it so she could finally be free. 

But the feeling of hard ground was switched by the feeling of water hitting her back, the trees disappeared and she was surrounded by pitch black sky. She felt herself drown, she was being pushed down into a heavy and dark sea. 

She felt alone, she felt at peace, she let the water fill her lungs.

“ So you finally came ” A strange voice echoed in the deep blue sea.

Chapter Text

“What the fuck was that?” the brown haired detective screamed at the pale looking young man who had just not followed his directions. 

The conflicted young man flinched, he was torned between following two different orders. His past mentor, and the person he craves validation from, Dazai Osamu, had ordered him to make a distraction, which will test his power against government special agents, and maybe he could finally gain the recognition he longs for. On the other hand, his Boss, Mori Ougai, ordered him to get rid of the girl and the man named Ango Sakaguchi, and any result other than that would be failure and he and his sister will face consequences. 

Dazai was always right, Mori will try to take everything away from him, just so he can come back as a broken shell of a man, easy to manipulate, just a puppet he can play with, and then the Port Mafia would be untouchable. 

So Akutagawa tried to make the best out of the situation. Kill the government agent, and let the girl go, that way he could prove to Dazai he is strong, and get rid of one of the targets. Only he didn't expect the young woman his former mentor had as a temporary toy to be so stupid. 

Now Akutagawa was trembling, tripping on his own two feet while trying to get away from the Demon Prodigy. Dazai looked like he did four years ago, the same empty look on his eyes, the bloodlust filling the atmosphere, even his right eye seemed to be covered, there were no bandages on it but a black shadow. 

Dazai was just walking towards his old protegee, gun in hand, looking at him menacingly. He was furious, not only had he not followed a direct order, he tried to stab the only person he had left to remember he was once a person, and also stabbed the new person who was making him feel human again. Dazai felt his thread snap, and all he wanted to do was make the young man scream in pain. The pain that Dazai himself was feeling but couldn't register as his own, so he had to make others feel it to know it was real.

On the other side of the meadow, Ango Sakaguchi was freaking out. See, they had a plan, well, Dazai had a plan that included him doing exactly what Dazai wanted. One day, his past friend cornered him in a grocery store and ended up leading him to a coffee shop where he threatened him to get on his crazy plan. And so he did. 

“I need a medical team right now!” Ango yelled into his radio. He approached the young woman who was laying on the ground, blood coming out, her breathing not really visible, her skin looking paler. 

He reached down and pressed his fingers on her neck trying to find something that would save his life from the angered demon who was hunting his first victim, and he knew that if things didn't go as Dazai wanted, Ango would be meeting Odasaku in the near future.

• ••

I felt heavy and light at the same time, I guess that's what the sensation of diving in water is sometimes. I was going deeper and deeper until my feet touched the ground. I didn't feel the need to breathe, it was as if I had forgotten it was necessary. 

Am I dead? I thought and it echoed through the sea. 

“Yes, and no.” The strange voice answered, I tried to look around but was just met with darkness. 

“What does that mean?” I asked without speaking, but it still echoed through the void. 

“You are dead, but you don't have to be if that's what you want” the voice whispered. 

“Who are you and why can't I see you?” I asked, still looking around for an answer.

“I don't really have a face or a form, I guess I am more like a presence or a feeling. You know who I am” the voice said, and I tried to feel the sensation it talked about. It felt like the color violet or a dark navy blue, like spider lilies growing out from brunt ground, like life and death and pleasure. 

I didn't actually respond, I kept thinking about how I was floating around with my feet almost touching the ground but not really feeling like letting go. How the mysterious voice sounded familiar but foreing at the same time. 

“Shy now? You keep usurping my name over and over again, and now you cannot even speak it out loud” it spoke to me again, and a shiver went down my spine, and the atmosphere felt colder and colder, the pressure was almost choking me even though I was not breathing.

“...Lilith?” I whispered unsure. 

“That's one way to call me, I have many names, and many representations” it answered and the pressure I once felt dissipated, small sparkles of light started to float around, and a pearl like a moon appeared in the middle of the deep sea. 

“I don't understand what is going on” I said closing my eyes, but I did not see the usual black void we face when we close our eyelids, I was once again facing the unwavering sea, as if I was pulled back into the situation, meaning I cannot run away from it. 

“Your little Devil was right, you are an empty vessel, but you were not waiting for the ability user to die, the ability itself was waiting for you to perish so you could find it. There it is” the voice motioned me to a different pearl, that was behind me, it was a small red pearl just floating in the middle of the sea. 

“And why are you here?” I asked, still confused, ' if that pear is my ability, then what was the other? ' I thought. 

“I am returning a favor. Us, heathen gods are easy to forget, and if we are forgotten we cease to exist, but you reached out to me since you were little, your curiosity gave me life and I will help you swim up if you want, you can also let go and I can take you even deeper into the sea so you can rest, it's up to you” the voice said, as the little sparkles of light made known stairs that go down to god knows where.

“What's that other pearl?” I asked, pointing to the pearl that looked like the moon, it even had a little bunny in it. 

“That pear is me, I don't have the power to leave my flooded cage, so I stay here watching the years pass and people come and go.” The entity spoke, with an emotion I would say was sadness in our human repertory. 

“What happened to Lucifer?” I asked.

“He left me here, they always leave us in a prison they made for us and then blame us for being trapped. I protect the marginalized, the femenine, the others, we are always used up and thrown away, even in wars women and kids are nothing more than hostages, they say they will help us, but in reality they're just helping themselves” the voice spit its venom and hurt, and I felt the sting of empathy pull my strings. 

“Us girls gotta stay together right?” I whispered.

“You are a vessel, but I will burn you, it's not a given that you will survive me” the voice warned, and I turned to the red pearl and took it in my right hand, then went up to the moon shaped entity. 

“You have been protecting me for a reason, don't think I have noticed how many times I should have died but I didn't, you knew I could take you out of here, it's a gamble but lets do it, I free you, you free me, we both gain power.” I said. 

As I reached out to the pearl or the entity, blue flames started to come out of it. I felt the heat burning my fingertips slightly but I kept going until I had it in my grasp, and once it was in the palm of my hand, it burned. The skin of my hand felt like I had dipped in acid, but it felt…good. Like when you shower with hot water, so hot that your skin turns red and vapor is coming out of you. 

I pushed myself up and let the small sparkles guide me up. I had a selfish reason to go back. I didn't do it to save the city or the world, I did it because I wanted to end up what I had started with that stupid but genious detective, and also, because I wanted to feel what being powerful is like.

Chapter Text

“She's gone…” Ango whispered and the demon prodigy seemed to know because he took the gun and started to shoot at Akutagawa repeatedly with a lost look on his face. The poor young man just protected himself with his ability. 

“Dazai-san I…” He tried to talk some sense into his former mentor. 

“ Dead men don't talk, Akutagawa-kun ” The man named Dazai said in his low and menacing voice as he threw the gun away. 

Dazai walked up to him, and Akutagawa launched Rashomon at him fully knowing it wouldn't work on him, but he was panicking. Dazai threw a punch at him knocking him to the ground. The detective knew he is not the strongest out there physically speaking, but his former protegee is weak without his ability, this is a fight he would win. 

The Agency member had the Port Mafia's hellhound pinned to the floor, his knuckles painted with blood, both his and the young man who could not or would not defend himself from the attacks he was receiving.

“Dazai stop, you are going to kill him!” Ango screamed at his former or actual friend, he still did not know.

Ango did not like what he was seeing. It was as if Dazai had never left the Mafia. It was as if it was four years ago and his friend was the most feared Port Mafia executive known for being ruthless and sadistic torture methods, not the goofy, good for nothing, lazy, stupid and womanizer from the Armed Detective Agency. 

Then the wind blew, and the weather got colder and usual, cold enough for there to be snow. Then Angos blood ran cold. The corpse of the young woman whose pulse he just checked and had been cold for at least 8 minutes, moved. A slight twitch in the hand. 

Then she sat up, eyes looking into something that wasn't there. Suddenly her eyes turned to face the government agent, and Ango shivered at the sight of violet eyes with cat like irises, she just took a quick glance at the bespectacled man and then looked ahead. She stood up, stumbling a bit. The wound on her stomach was gone and a small almost paper cut looking slash replaced it. 

She kicked her shoes off and started to walk barefoot, the pebbles and sticks were making small cuts on her feet, and as she moved forward the bloody footprints she left caught on a violet blue fire.

She approached the detective who was actually beating the shit out of the poor young man that played mafia, his face was unrecognizable by this time. Dazai was in a frenzy, he was so angry and hurt that all he could do was destroy, destroy his fists and destroy the boy's face. 

“That's enough” Her voice sounded different but the same. 

Dazai did stop, fist in the air. There was silence, the only thing that could be heard were the detective's heavy breathing and the poor young man's troubled breath. 

The wavy haired man turned around slowly, his brown eyes met with unexpected violet ones, with weird looking irises. The air was still cold, he watched the scene behind her, the path behind her was still lit up with the unusual fire, Ango was still speechless and unmoving. Dazai turned his gaze to the wound on her stomach and saw as it had become a small graze. 

“She's fine, if that's what you are wondering, I healed her wound” The woman with the face he recognized but with different eyes said in a different yet same voice as the girl he let close to him. He was cautious, he could feel the being he was talking with was dangerous.

“With whom do I have the pleasure to be speaking with?” Dazai asked in a low yet humorous voice. 

“Lilith, Hecate, Persephone, I have lots of names, and now I guess this girl's name is added to the list” She said, kneeling down to see the face of the young man, the white tips of his hair were colored red. 

“Is she there?” He asked lowering his hand and reaching to reach her wrist, to see if this was an ability and if he could deactivate it. 

“She is, she has just taken a seat in the background, so don't worry about it, fake Lucifer, I will not kidnap this girl's body, we have an agreement” She said, moving her wrist away from the fake demon's grasp. 

“Unknown ability user, I'm going to ask you to raise your hands, and come with me quietly and cooperating” Ango said, pointing a gun to the young woman's head. 

“Do you want to see her ability? It's pretty cool, you'll be happy to know you were right!” The woman said to the detective as she moved her hand up and flickered her wrist slightly toward the man behind her. 

A red thread coming out of her hand was seen and the gun pointing to the back of her head was cut in two. 

“She's a blood witch! Very interesting, it has a lot of variations but I don't think she's ready for that just yet” The woman kept talking to Dazai as if nothing was happening. The detective did not move nor did he do anything. He was reading the situation. 'Is this like Chuuyas corruption?' He thought.

“Something like that” She answered, reading his thoughts. The detective stood up quickly and made distance with the young woman. 

“I don't normally read minds, but you made a blood pact with her. You are bound together for better or for worse, that's what you get for playing with things you don't understand. She won't be able to get into your head without my help so calm down, and damn that's one dumpster fire you have in there” She said, still kneeled beside the unconscious hellhound. She passed her hand on his face, healing some of the damage. 

“Poor boy, guess I have to help the hellhound, what kind of mother would I be if I don't” She whispered, she felt yet another gun pointed to her head, this time, she felt the muzzle pressed against the back of her head. 

“If you don't cooperate I will pull the trigger” Ango said in a serious tone. 

“ Ugh , I am tired of men ordering women around, pushing the ones they identify as other…” her back bent backwards until the muzzle was on her forehead, she stared at the government agent with a challenging look. 

“She doesn't want me to kill you, you know? If it were for me I would burn this whole meadow to the ground with everyone on it, you will not call her a number, she has a name, WE have a name” She whispered. She winked at Ango and the gun started to get too hot to touch, the government Agent had no option but to let go of the weapon. 

The girl stood up and walked toward the confused Dazai, he had a frown on his face, this was not his plan. His plan was to take her precious little doll to the government facility, stop her heart for a minute so the ability could find the host, and then regulate the entity that followed her around for some time, everything within his control. 

“You know, I don't like you that much, if it were for me, we would get with the pretty young god, the red haired man, he adores her, he would treat us nicely. But she chooses you, and I am a deity of choice, but just so you know…I will protect us.” She stopped right in front of him. She closed her eyes and when she opened them up again, the violet turned to her normal eyes. 

“I am sleepy now, good night” She whispered as she fell, Dazai barely catched her upon noticing her changed demeanor. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Ango screamed at Dazai, and the detective just held the sleeping girl in his arms with a frown on his face.

Chapter Text

My head hurts. 

What happened in the meadow seems like a dream to me. I was watching everything as it was playing on TV and I was on a sofa watching the scene unfold. 

I opened my eyes and saw the bright yellow lights of the Agency Infirmary. 

“Well, this takes me back” I whispered. 

“It does, doesn't it?” A voice whispered in the room. I turned my head to face the sleepy detective holding my hand and sitting on a chair close to the bed.

“Hi, pretty eyes, how you feeling?” He asked, squeezing my hand a little.

I felt…different. I feel well rested and lighter. My head hurts a little bit but not enough to be relevant. My body feels a little sore too, but still nothing to worry about. Then I remember that I was fucking stabbed, so I took my hand out of Dazais grip and lifted the white shirt revealing a light and thin scar, almost invisible. 

Dazai reached to hold my hand once again in a desperate motion, and I raised an eyebrow in response to his quick reaction. He just let out a sigh.

The door opened revealing the beautiful Doctor named Yosano. 

“She's awake!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, and I heard footsteps approaching the room. 

Out of nowhere I had Kenji and Atsushi hugging me tight, they started telling me things but they were interrupting each other making it incomprehensible. I could see other members entering the room and smiling at me, while I just patted both boys' heads. 

“Why y'all treating me like I died?” I asked, laughing. 

'Because you did' , A voice whispered to me inside my head. 

“Because you did.” Dazai said, still holding my hand, making it feel like that was a job and not a sign of affection. 

“Yeah, she just kind of told me that.” I whispered. 

“Do you keep holding my hand to deactivate the ability or her?” I asked Dazai, turning my head to him, Kenji and Atushi gave me a little space. 

“Both, you don't know exactly what is going on, but as soon as he lets go of your hand, you start to get a fever, it takes you 10 minutes to reach a temperature that's dangerous for your well being.” Yosano answered for Dazai. 

'I told you I was going to burn you, good thing you have this little devil resting on your shoulder' Lilith spoke to me again, it felt natural, like she had always been living inside my head. 

“It's her, she did warn me she could burn me, didn't think it would be so literal” I said to no one in particular.

“He will be coming soon, what are we going to do about this situation, Dazai?” Kunikida asked his partner who was looking at the entity that followed him around and I could never see.

'What is he talking about?' I asked my own entity living within me.

'I think the boring government agent is coming for us, we are a rarity I suppose' Lilith answered me. 

“I'll handle it.” Dazai said, looking at me. And by luck or destiny there was a knock on the door. 

'That's him.' the voice whispered to me. 

The President made a hand movement and everyone stood in a line in front of me, except Dazai who was still holding my hand. 

“Good evening, I am sure you all know why I am here, let's not make this more difficult than it has to be” Ango said, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“The Agency has the custody and responsibility of her, so I don't understand why she has to be taken to a government facility” The President said to Ango in a serious tone. 

“That was before when she wasn't cataloged as a dangerous ability user” He said entering the room, uniformed men standing outside. 

“You really want to play this game with me, Ango?” Dazais voice sounded tired and bored, he was looking straight at his old friend. 

“This is not a game anymore, Dazai. The Agency has no jurisdiction over this anymore.” He answered the question without looking at Dazai.

“ I saved your life, you know? I did not have to do it and I did, you know why? Because you mean or meant something to Dazai, and also because I am part of the Agency, and that's what the Agency does.” I said, shaking Dazai's hand off mine and standing up.

“Wait, we just told you that you get a fever if-” Dazai said as he reached for my hand and I just gave him an angry stare and walked to Ango.

“I am sick and tired of people having conversations about me or making decisions for me, without me. I am here , so if you have business with me, talk to me . I get that this is part of your job, but the way you are treating me is disrespectful, and I won't have it. So stop asking for persmision to all the fucking men in this room when the only one you should be taking in consideration is me. Check your fucking mysoginy .” I was so angry that without noticing I was hitting the bespectacled man with my index and middle finger together, just tapping hard at the side of his forehead. He looked so…shocked. 

“You may know how to handle a whole ass organization but you don't want to mess with me, I will take my earrings off and beat the shit out of you if you keep treating me like a thing and not a person. Am. I. Clear? ” I said getting closer and closer to the formal looking man that just kept taking steps backwards. 

“Cristal” He answered so low it was almost a whisper. I took his jaw with my hand and gave it a hard squeeze.

“Good.” I whispered, and let go of his face roughly, and I made my way back to the bed, puffing the pillow and arranging the covers, to be more comfortable. 

“I am so attracted to you right now” Dazai said, breaking the silence that had fallen on the room. I just turned to face him and gave him a wink and he smirked at me.

“Dazai… you and I aren't that close, so you better watch it. Cause I really want to make out with your girlfriend” Yosano said, and I looked at her with a surprised look.

“I am not his girlfriend, so should we go out sometime?” I said to Yosano batting my eyelashes and she laughed. I heard Dazai complaining in the background but I was busy flirting with the hot Doctor. 

“ Ahem… ” Ango said, reminding us he was still there.

“Oh… sorry I forgot about you. If you want to know about my ability thats fine and fair, so do I, but its better if I discover what the fuck is going on with me here. If it gets out of control Dazai can nullify it, he will also send you any and all the reports you ask for, how does that sound?” I said getting under the covers and resting my head on the pillow. I was feeling the fever wearing me down. 

“That sounds fair.” Ango said. 

“Good boy, now get the fuck out I am getting tired” I said closing my eyes. I heard Dazai, Yosano and even Rampo giggle. Then a loud sigh was heard followed by footsteps announcing the government dogs are leaving. 

“I'm sorry for cursing a lot, Presi , I am tired” I said still with my eyes closed, as I searched for Dazais hand and put it on the top of my head, feeling how he deactivated something, and I started to feel less stuffy. 

“That's okay, sometimes being bold is necessary.” The President said while patting my shoulder. 

“Okay… good night, Yosano when I wake up we are going to make out, byee” I said as I drifted away in my sleep. 

Chapter Text

“You don't like him do you?” The young woman asked her darker counterpart. 

“Not a bit.” she answered.

They were sitting on a make-believe bridge in the middle of nowhere. Their feet touch the water below them as they watch the moon being reflected on the fake ocean. They were in the fake palace in the young woman's mind, where she kept the entity she called Lilith, sometimes Hecate, other times, she even didn't know if there was a difference between them.

“Why not?” I asked her, resting my head on her shoulder.

“He is going to hurt us, in all possible ways, and you think you can suck it up but I know we will end up crying on the bathroom floor” She answered resting her head on mine. 

“We should be fine, also he promised not to hurt us unless necessary” I reassured her. 

“Your definition of necessary and his might be very different” She whispered and part of me knew she was right.

“You say that just because you like Chuuya better…” I whispered and she giggled like a teen with a crush.

“We both know that if he had made a move we probably would be in his apartment drinking fancy wine, wearing his expensive shirt with no pants, and being treated like princesses” She said in a whiny voice, and I just smiled sadly. 

“I know, but it was imposible plus, he was the one that stopped answering our calls. He does not care about us anymore” my voice was soft and melancholic. 

“Who do you think was the one who made the radio station play the same part of a song over and over again to let Dazai know Ango was coming, and let a duffle bag full of weapons on the doorstep? Chuuya is just too good, and that devil of yours is good at taking advantages” She said while poking the human part of her on the ribs.

“I do miss Chuuya, but I like Dazai, and for now that's how it is” I said to the woman beside me.

“For now” She answered back and pushed us into the sea.

◘◘◘

I woke up and I was in my room in my apartment. There was no Dazai in sight. I felt shivers down my spine and my head was dizzy, the fever had not gone down but it was bearable. 

I stood up and headed to the bathroom. I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. The white streak on one side of my face has become two, now framing my face symmetrically. I sighed and heard the door opening. I got out of the bathroom and walked to the kitchen. 

Dazai was walking toward the kitchen too, holding two bags of ice. He looked at me briefly before putting the bags in the freezer and a hand on my forehead. He was acting strange, colder, distant. 

“What's going on?” I asked him while reaching to touch his arm slightly but he moved away, I frowned at his reaction. 

“Nothing, I'm just tired of being by your side all the time making sure you don't get your freaking brain fried, but don't worry I'll get out of your hair so you can call Yosano and make out with her okay?” He said in a passive aggressive tone, more aggressive than passive. He made his way out of the kitchen.

“Are you jealous?” I said, raising my eyebrow, and holding a laugh. This is not the time to chuckle but seeing, the Dazai Osamu, being jealous like this, of Yosano, it's kind of funny. I followed him out of the kitchen and into the small place before the living room. He just scoffed. 

“I am not jealous, I am perfectly fine!” He said, still angry, still not looking at me. 

“I don't get why you are so angry, I obviously did not mean what I said to Yosano, we were just joking around!” I said to him, raising my voice a little, this was getting really annoying each second.

“ Oh so you go around joking to everyone like that ?! You know what, fine do whatever you want, you said it yourself, you are not my girlfriend!” he screamed at me, now looking at me. 

“Well am I lying?!” I yelled back, and I felt lightheaded. I saw the little black dots you see when you are about to pass out. I tumbled back a little and rested my back on the wall that separated the kitchen from the entrance. 

Dazai got closer and with one hand he touched my forehead and his other hand reached out for mine. 

“The fever has gotten worse in your sleep, my ability its not canceling whatever is going on in your body, I brought the ice so you can take a cold bath, I know you will hate it but I don't know what else to do” He said to me as he pulled me into the kitchen taking the two ice bags out of the freezer and dragged me into the bathroom. I just felt like a rag doll.

“I don't want to do that” I said softly, looking down at Dazai who was filling the bathtub with water and dropping the ice cubes sitting on the floor. 

“Then what? Do you want to die?” He said in an annoyed tone.

“Wouldn't you like that?” I asked softly and chuckled slightly. 

He just stayed in silence preparing the bath, and I just watched him. He unconsciously undid his bandages so he could wrap them higher up to his forearms so he wouldn't get his bandages soggy. 

I sighed and started to take my pants off.

“What are you doing?” He asked, looking at me with eyes big and a nervous stare.

“I am not entering a bath full of ice in pants and a sweatshirt” I said, raising an eyebrow and letting the sweatpants fall, Dazai turned to the ice water, looking away from me. It was weird. 

“Shouldn't you wait until I leave the room?” He asked, still playing with the water.

“Um if I remembered correctly, you once called me a prude because I didn't want you to see me in my underwear even though that was my outfit the first time we met” I said, taking off my sweater and walking over to the tub. Dazai still didn't look at me, I thought by now he would be saying some awful pick up lines and sexual remarks, but he just looked away. 

I dipped one foot inside and took it out immediately. 

“Nop, I can do this, maybe death is better, is there a suicide method you have in mind?” I said looking down at him, he raised from the floor and sat at the edge of the tub. He started taking off his shirt and bandages. 

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused at his sudden passion to get undressed. 

He just kept taking his clothes off, even his bandages, and his pants, he was now in his underwear, he took off his bandages up to his thighs and then decided to look at me. 

“We are going in” He said as he held my hand and we looked at the bathtub as if it was the edge of a 50 feet building we were about to jump off. And we did jump, not off but in, he hugged me from behind and held me inside the water, I felt like a cat, trying to get away from being showered. This felt horrible, my bones hurt, my skin felt like it was going to freeze and fall off. Dazai was trembling and so was I. 

“You can get out, you know?” I told him as I noticed he was grinding his teeth. 

“Not a chance, pretty eyes, I wont lose my chance to be half naked with you in a bathtub, even if it means I have to freeze to death, honestly now is kind of romantic, very titanic, don't you think?” He said, and I just pressed his arms closer to me.

“Are you not angry anymore?” I asked him, my voice a little shy. I know I did nothing wrong and yet I hate it when he gets mad at me. 

“No, I never was, I guess I'm just mad at myself a little” He whispered in my ear. Both of our voices were shaky from the cold. I was distracting myself by feeling the little bumps and difference of texture on Dazai's arm counting his scars.

“I shouldn't have yelled at you, I am sorry” I whispered as I kissed his cold hands. 

“I yelled at you first, so I guess I am the one to blame for the situation, you are really not my girlfriend” He whispered, and it made me frown, he was pointing that fact way too much, and I get it, he is Mister casual dating, he literally has a club of fans, and also stalkers, so if he doesn't get a formal romantic partner, its because he does not want to. 

“Mmm…” was all I could answer. I was getting so annoyed, and a little sad, that I started to forget that I was taking an ice bath and my skin and bones feel like glass breaking.

'Just tell him, this is insufferable' I heard the entity whisper in my head. 

Dazai pushed me and kind of turned me around by my shoulders, so I was now facing him. He looked at me weirdly, I could see him mutter something under his breath, meaning he was thinking. 

“What game are we playing, Osamu?” I finally asked, looking at him. I had him in my apartment, inside my bathtub, without his bandages as if this was something natural. I want this. I want this. I want this.  

He just kept looking at me, and I got frustrated. 

“I think this is enough” I whispered and stood up to get out of the tub.

“This is nowhere near enough” He said in a serious tone, and then reached to pull me back down by my undies, making me sit down quickly in fear he would really take them off. 

“What the fuck are-” I said angrily at him, and he kissed me. His cold hands cupping my face, his lips on mine with trembling breaths, he was pulling me closer to him by my hips and I stopped the kiss. 

“No, stop. I can't keep doing this. I need you to tell me what exactly it is that you want from me” I asked him and my voice broke a little. I was tired, not of him. I know this man is not a walk in the park, and I am willing to take the risk and do the hard work, but it is tiring trying to get close to having something stable and then for him to leave me hanging. 

He looked at me for a second, as if trying to see his options. The ice was already melting and the water was turning into a puddle of fresh water and unsaid words. I sighed and got up from the bathtub, this time he did not try to stop me he just looked away. 

“I need you to know that I am not mad at you, but I think this situation we got ourselves in is no longer sustainable. I want you, I like you, and I think I can love you, I know what I want. That being said, I don't think you know what you want, and that's perfectly fine, I don't mean to pressure you in any way, but not having something certain is hurting me” I said in a soft voice, I was sad, disappointed but not surprised. Dazai did not respond, he just kept looking at the water while hugging his knees. 

I reached down to kiss the top of his head and headed to the door, making a mess on the floor from the water dripping down on me. 

“I think it is better if we take some distance so you can figure out what you want to do. Whatever choice you make won't affect our friendship or work relationship. And I will always care for you” I whispered to him softly and left the bathroom with him still in it. 

And then I went to bed. 

Chapter Text

The next morning I was running to the Agency after the small discovery I made while suffering from insomnia and a very high fever, so maybe I was hallucinating, but anyways, I did find a solution for me not to fry like an egg.

I opened the door and everyone was already there. I saw Kunikida stand up probably to scold me but I raised a finger up motioning him to shut up. I walked up to the corner of the office. Beside Rampo's desk there was a small table. I placed three candles that were inside my bag there. I could feel everyone approaching to see what I was doing.

Then I walked towards my desk pulling out a small pocket knife and walking again to the table with the candle. I made a small cut on my hand letting the candle bath with it until the metal base that caughts the melted wax was filled with red. And then I snapped my fingers and a little violet blue flame appeared in the candle wick. 

 “How did you do that?” Kunikida asked me, looking at me with comical fear, as if he was a priest and I was an evil witch. I just smiled at him and gave him a wink. 

“I have figured it out. You see, she needs an outlet, so I thought that if it's fire that she brings then I should just light up a candle with her flame so she can burn as long as she wants! I am a genius !” I yelled in excitement, all honesty I felt pretty manic because I am running on two hours of sleep, suicidal thoughts and an oreo. 

“...are you okay?” I heard Atsushi ask as I just watched the candle burn, and was putting my blood on the other two. 

“I will be” I whispered as I lit them up. I turned around and the Agency members were looking at me with curiosity and worry. I eyed Dazai, we have not spoken since yesterday, I heard him leave my apartment an hour after I felt him in the bathtub, and since then, silence. 

He stayed on his usual window looking from afar as our other friends were fascinated with the weird flame emitting from the candles. I gave him a soft smile and he returned it, except it was one of his fake ones, the ones he gives to other people, and now I have to accept it and act like I did not notice. 

“Does it work then? There to be outside flames decreases your fever?” The President appeared from his office and watched the candles burn.

“I tried it last night and well, I did not die, also I felt better, like if there was pressure in my head had lifted” I answered and the President nodded. 

“I also had the time to try to see what I can do with my blood!” I said as I lifted my hand and the blood stood upwards forming needle-like lines, then turning into a knife-like form, Kenji was mesmerized. 

“I cannot control the blood that has left my body for a while or that is far away, for now. Lilith says that with practice I can do a variety of tricks.” I said still making small forms with the blood on my hands. 

• ••

Dazai and I were not avoiding each other but we were not exactly being friendly. Most of our interactions were awkward because we didn't really know what to do with each other.  Yesterday we bumped into each other in the small kitchen in the office and we both stuttered. Us . the most talkative people in the Agency. 

The last time we were not talking it wasn't awkward because we were fighting, going back and forth with indirect remarks, now there is just a weird tension between us. I couldn't give an answer to any of the members of what was going on between us. 

“Oh, it's nothing, we are the same!” That was the denial option. 

“Oh, we have been so busy with our own stuff I guess we have grown a little apart!” That's the almost honest one.

“Honestly, I don't know either” and that was the sincere one. 

It has been two weeks, and the only thing we talk about is my ability. What have I figured out, if I had any side effects, and that's it. Pure business. It has been hard not talking to anyone about the situation or what I'm thinking. Atsushi and Kyoka often invited me to go to their apartment and watch movies, they tried to get me to talk but they are children, I am not telling them my grown up stuff. 

Yosano and Rampo tried to ask once and I couldn't tell them what was going on, the only person I wanted to tell the situation was Dazai, and well, I couldn't. 

“It's a good sign, you know? That he is acting weird too, means you are relevant enough to change his behavior, means he cares” Rampo has told me a million times when he sees me eyeing Dazai from across the room. 

I was doing some paperwork, it was weird going back to normal, doing paperwork, profiling criminals, going on small missions with Atsushi and Kenji, sometimes even Tanizaki, but never with Dazai, for obvious reasons. I was reading a file about some specific murders going on in the city and my right eye started to hurt, like a sharp type of pain and my vision got kind of blurry. 

“Shit, what is going on with your eye?” Dazai asked, looking concerned. As I looked at him, I saw a weird shadow or mist around him, black with white and light blue sparks just floating around, it was like looking at a starry night sky. I felt something drip down my cheek, was I crying?

Dazai started to look for something in his desk and he screamed for Yosano, and everyone turned to look at me with a look of terror in their eyes, just what the fuck is going on? I thought. Then I saw a drop of blood fall on the photograph that was on my desk. I reached to touch my hurting eye and saw blood on my hands. 

The fire in the three candles we kept forever lit up grew and almost roared, as if it got angry, and that's when everybody started to freak out and ask me to stop. 

“ I don't know how!” I screamed as I kept crying, my head was hurting.

Everyone had a mist around their bodies, Kenji was bright yellow and warm, like sunlight, very powerful. Kunikida's was forest green, very calm but deep and relaxing which was weird given his strict nature, guess its because he is reliable, Atsushi's was blue, and it sounded like a calm river, it even had foamy edges as if crashing a shore. I closed my eyes, if I saw another one my head would explode. I was yelling without even noticing, everyone was telling me to calm down. Lilith was not answering me.

Then there was calm. I felt Dazai's hand hold my head and close my right eye with his palm, he was standing behind me. His touch nullified whatever was going on with me, even the flames on the candles went back to their normal intensity. I unconsciously held his hand and pushed it into my face, and I started to sob. Seeing the strange colors and textures surrounding the people I care about was heavy and overstimulating, as if I shouldnt have a peek at them.

Dazai caressed my hair with his other hand and kept telling me that it was okay. I felt like my eye was going to fall out. I felt dazai moving his hand and I reached out to put it back in place, in fear the pain would come back as soon as his touch left. He then gave me a kiss on the top of my head and reached out to grab something from his desk. 

He started to wrap my right eye with bandages to keep it closed. The bandages were wrapped messily in my head, hair sticking out from a lot of places, I had stopped crying. Dazai turned my chair around so I was facing him. He started to try and fix up my hair, he cleaned my tears with his thumb and then bit one of his fingers hard enough to draw blood and made a slight smudge on the bandages on top of my eye. 

“That's disgusting” I whispered, and he smiled. 

“As long as my blood is in there and your eye is closed for now, you should be fine” He said, still trying to fix my hair. 

“That's not how your ability works” I said, laughing softly.

“This is not about my ability, it's about our blood pact ” He whispered the last part, and took a step back, making a frame with his index fingers and thumb. 

I looked at everyone, they looked between scared and relieved. Kenji was the first one to run and hug me, then Kyoka, then Atsushi, and then everyone was hugging me, even Kunikida. The kids were crying by now.

“I am fine I think, everything is okay now, I am not in pain anymore” I kept telling them while patting their heads, I felt like I needed more hands to hold everyone. 

I mouthed a “thank you” to Dazai, who was the only one who was not over me asking me if I was okay. He was looking at the situation from afar, half sitting at Rampo's desk. He just mouthed a “you're welcome” back.

I miss the little devil being on my shoulder, instead of turning into a guardian angel from a distance.

Chapter Text

The two souls gone estranged were laying down on different beds of the infirmary. Not looking at each other, just looking straight ahead into the screen of a laptop they stole from Kunikida to watch netflix from his account, since he changed the password. 

“I never really liked Friends” she told him while eating potato chips that they stole from Rampo's secret stash. 

“Neither did I. It's almost illogical how they haven't tried to kill each other, not even once!” He said casually, eating his own chips. 

“Not every group of friends tries to kill each other you know? Not everyone has enough trauma to go homicidal” She responded, chuckling, and eyeing him. 

They called the President after the incident early that day, and he said the right call was for her to stay in the Agency, monitored, and since Dazai's ability was the only one that could tame the fire, he was to stay with her for the night, and if something were to happen the Agency members would be notified and a contingency plan would take place. 

“ Boring ~ ” He sang, and she laughed, then she sighed. She missed being comfortable with the stupid yet smart detective. It has been weeks since they had a normal conversation that did not include work or their “fake children” Atsushi, Kyoka and Kenji. 

“Has she come around?” He asked, while not looking at her. 

“No, she won't answer when I call for her, she isn't in our mind palace” She answered while staring at him, in hopes her devil would answer her calling.

“Your bleeding eye looked like hers, violet with a cat like iris.” he informed her, since no one has talked about the incident to her, no one has described to her what it looked from the outside. 

“You think she is rejecting me?” she asked, throwing him a potato chip to get him to look at her. He just dodged it.

“I think you are rejecting her, or at least a part of you neglecting the entity within you” He said, still avoiding her gaze. He did not want to look at her for two reasons. He was still confused of what to do, the line that divided his personal and professional reasons to keeping her close was kind of blurry, he missed her, but he wants to be sure that it was not out of boredom; and the second reason was the way she looked right now reminds him of himself some years ago. 

“Are you not looking at me because I look how you used to in your mafia days?” She asked, as if reading his mind. He turned to face with a shocked expression.

“I am not reading your mind, I need Hecate for that and well, she's ignoring my calls. Plus, I would never do that to you, it's intrusive and rude, I would only do it with your permission. Still, I would not be afraid to look inside your head” She said, now not looking at him even though she got him to look at her. 

“Would you let me see inside your head?” He asked, curiosity reflected in his eyes.

“ And we're talking and you wanna look inside my mind, I say you can't because I lost it when I knew you were alive” she sang to him and he let out a small chuckle. 

“You didn't answer the question” He responded, still smiling.

“I would, but I don't think she would let you inside our castle, she doesn't like you very much” She responded laughing and he let out another chuckle. 

“What is the rest of the song?” He asked, throwing her a potato chip, and turning his body to her so he could see her better.

“Be my guest, go on and waste your life inside her bed now
I bet you get bored having sex
Because you want me and you just don't know it yet ” 

She sang as she made a little dance with a smirk on her face, still not facing the man he was serenading. She could see from her peripheral vision he was smiling and raising his eyebrow. 

“Getting bold now are we” he said and both of them smiled at each other like they have done before, as if they were two high school sweethearts hiding from the world in the school's infirmary. 

“Sorry” She said between the giggles they were sharing. 

“Don't be” he answered, both of them staring at each other with an ocean of distance and complications away. She wanted to throw him a rope and reel him closer, but unsure that he would catch it, so she turned to face the lone laptop that no one was watching but was filling the void of unsaid words that was drowning both of them.

Then one of the castaways got out of his bed like a boat and pushed it close to the other lost soul lost at sea. She looked surprised at his childish tactics, but she laughed and pushed her boat too. Now both of their boats or beds were together, because no one had the guts to call the other to jump in theirs, but they were stubborn enough to know they wanted to be closer. 

And so they kept watching the tv show they were not really watching, reaching for each other snacks as an excuse to get closer until shoulders were touching, then heads were resting on shoulders, hands brushing together, pinkies intertwined and as the smooth waves of uncertainty and blurry lines rocked them both to sleep. Together on the little island they have built for themselves. 

Chapter Text

I woke up at 3:27 am, my unwrapped eye opened and I felt Dazais head on my shoulder and his pinky finger still intertwined with mine. I missed having him close, and his ocean-like smell. I looked at his soft features, he always looked younger than he is while sleeping. I missed him a lot. 

But… the face that popped in my head the moment I woke up was… Chuuya's. It had been months since I had last seen him or had contact with him. I can't ignore that he was on my mind when I almost died, the sudden end of the friendship we had really had a tool on me, especially since I had no one else to talk to. 

And now, with the burning in my right eye, a lingering sense of something ricocheting inside my very own soul leaves me with more questions than answers and the only person who can, maybe not answer, but understand me, is that little lion man. 

I moved slowly trying to get out of my side of the made up big bed. Dazai was a really light sleeper, but he often seemed to sleep better with me around, so I am taking advantage of that. Somehow I got to get out of his sweet embrace and stood in the middle of the cold infirmary alone. I stared at this almost frail looking man sleeping peacefully, now by himself swimming in the big space that I left missing. The moon was making the white of the bed sheets shine. Dazai looked beautiful, so much that I thought about just going back to that little island. 

But I jumped and swam towards what I thought was land. 

I grabbed my bag and headed to the door and ran into the night. I knew exactly where he was, I don't know if Lilith told me in an unknown way but I just knew that if I went there, he would be sitting in that place we both once were. 

I ran and ran into the night, the streets were almost empty, I received a glance or two from random citizens that were wandering in the early morning or late at night, depending on who you are. I didn't feel tired, I have been running for about 15 minutes straight and my breathing has not been bothered, I probably looked like a lunatic just sprinting with a smile on my face.  

He was there, a bright red mane hidden inside the hat that sat on the top of his head, a cigarette hanging from his gloved fingers. Eyes closed as he rested his back on a streetlight pole. I stopped running and started to walk to him, he heard my footsteps and his eyes grew bigger, a smile placed on my lips. 

The cigarette fell from his hand and he opened his mouth as if to say something and I just ran again to him and closed the distance between us with a forceful embrace. I practically tackled him to the ground, except that a red glow kept us from hitting the cold floor and kept us floating in the air. My arms around his neck and my face buried in his neck, I held him so tight I thought he might choke. He has not said a word, he just hugged me back wrapping unsure arms around my waist. A warm sensation appeared on my chest like a lit up candle. She's back.

Chuuya pushed me away kind of hard but I just floated away, feet still not touching the ground.

“What the fuck was that?” He was kind of shaken. He had one hand on his chest as if out of breath. I just looked at him confused and he deactivated his ability slowly, letting me touch the floor slowly so I wouldn't fall over. 

“I just felt something…move” He whispered, and I just opened my mouth as if saying “oh”.

“Arahabaki must be reacting to us ” I said, looking at him from a distance and pointing at myself. I might be on good terms with the entity inside me, but it's not the same story with Chuuya who has no control over it.

“Fuck you mean us?” He asked, still in a state of alert. 

“Me and the entity that calls herself by many names” I said, taking a step forward and he took a step back. I raised the palm of my hand telling him to wait and turned around to have a conversation with the guest in my body and soul.

'Can you stop messing with Arahabaki?' I asked Lilith in my mind. 

'He wants to come out and play, what's so wrong about that' She answered mischievously

'He will die if that happens, that's what's wrong, so can you please just back off a little' I answered her kind of annoyed, she knows what she is doing. 

'Fine, we don't want that handsome man to die, don't we?' She said and I felt her get inside the ocean in the mind palace we have created for ourselves. 

I turned around and Chuuya was looking at me as if I was an alien, eyebrows furrowed, still standing far away from me and in a defensive position, I made an 'ok' with my hands and then reached my hand extending my index finger, like ET, he raised an eyebrow at me and I just nodded my head for him to play along. He let out a sigh and took off one of his expensive looking gloves, and did the same. 

The tip of our fingers touched and there was a small spark of electricity not intense enough to spark a fire but strong enough for us to feel the energy flow in our bodies. I looked at him carefully, thinking how would I get Dazai here as soon as possible if Arahabaki came out, but nothing happened, he just stared back at me. We let out a relieved breath. 

“That was…dangerous” He whispered as he walked to the bench we once were sitting and drinking and talking about our lives. 

“It was fun, we should do it again sometime” I said laughing and followed him to the bench, taking a seat beside him. 

“I missed you” I whispered looking at the lonely road in front of us, I could see him turn around in embarrassment from the corner of my eye, a chuckle left my mouth. 

“How have you been?” He asked as if this was a normal hangout. 

“Well, I died, came back, my hair changed again, and you?” I answered half avoiding the question. 

“Same as always” He said, still avoiding looking at me. 

“Why can't you look at me?” I whispered and he sighed. 

“I already broke rules for you, after months of not talking, of not seeing you, don't want to look at you and remind me why I didn't care about messing with direct orders” He whispered and threw his head back, I always wondered how his hat always stayed in place, now knowing his ability everything makes sense.

“Plus, looking at you with bandages over your right eye just reminds me of that stupid bastard” He said angrily and I laughed.

“Dazai couldn't look at me either with this look, guess it's not very popular” My voice was soft and sad for some reason. 

He just hummed in response, a silence fell on us like a morning breeze. 

“Is he treating you well? If not just say the word, I just need one goddamn excuse to kill him” He whispered, I smiled softly.

“We are not together” I whispered back, throwing my head back mirroring his position, and looking at the sky. 

“Huh, why the fuck not?” he said looking at me with an annoyed and I raised an eyebrow in response.

“Since when were you our biggest shipper?” I asked sarcastically but laughed a little bit. 

“Fuck that, I hate it that you hate youself enough to like someone like him” He said through his teeth. 

“But what is going on?” He asked in a more calm tone.

“Well, I know what I want and need, but I don't think he does, so we are taking some time apart” I whispered in a sad tone, yet I felt relieved, talking again to Chuuya was nice, I really missed him, the fact of having a friend outside the Agency made me feel normal, ignoring the fact that right now we are the least normal people in this city.

“He really is an idiot, can't believe he needs time to think about that, fucking coward” He said scoffing at the decisions, or lack of, from his ex partner. I just chuckled at his reaction. Chuuya is very passionate and emotional in a good way, he always demonstrates how he is feeling and says what he thinks. 

“Maybe I am the idiot” I said and he put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulders. 

“You definitely are, no questions, just proof” He said and I laughed, he joined the laughter himself after. 

“Can you talk to it?” he asked curiously.

“She, a soul is not a thing, is beyond that, and yes. I can see her in my mind, she has my face but she is not me, except when she is. I hear her, she has my voice, except it's different. She and I are a we. I chose to bring her with me, I was the one that opened the door and let her in.” I answered calmly as I was getting sleepy with the melody of Chuuyas breathing. 

“I wish I could do that, instead of falling into a deep void that I can't get out of, at least without the help of that mackerel, it makes me feel weak” He said complaining. 

“The entity inside me is different from yours, the circumstances were different too, you are not weak, I sometimes think you are too strong, have a breakdown or something, you are too reliable” I said sarcastically with my eyes closed, I was really getting sleepy. 

“Ain't that why you come running to me every time something goes wrong in your life?” He asked in a kind of cruel and sarcastic tone and I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at him with a frown on my face.

“Shit, I'm sorry that was rude, I didn't mean it that way” He apologized looking guilty. 

“Is that how you feel? You think I come to you for you to come save me? I know you call me princess but I'm no damsel in distress. I can handle myself, I come to you because we are friends, because I like your boldness, because we built this friendship with no expectations without even knowing the implications of who we were, because we wanted nothing from each other but someone to listen” I said while standing up and laying on the grass to look at the stars, the sky was turning purple. 

I heard him sigh and stand up, he then laid next to me, closer enough for our shoulders to brush, his hat resting on his chest. 

 “I've missed you too” He said and I reached for his hand, he took mine in his and we said nothing. I felt at peace, so I fell asleep.

Chapter Text

The man was staring at her sleeping peacefully, it had only passed a minute since she started to have deep and relaxed breaths, indicating she had fallen asleep. He did nothing but stared at her profile, only a minute had passed and he thought that if this could be his eternity he would be satisfied, asking for nothing more. 

The wind blew one time, and the only visible eye of the woman laying next to him opened, a chill ran down his spine but he did not move. The eyes of the girl he liked were nowhere to be seen and now were replaced by violet ones with cat-like irises, a smirk placed on her lips. 

“I like you better you know? If it were for me we would ditch the bandaged detective for you in a heartbeat” The woman said in a voice Chuuya could recognize but seemed foreign at the same time.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He answered the entity controlling his sleeping friend, his tone was tense.

“It should, if you had the guts to tell her how you felt, instead of clearing the path for the devil to slip between the cracks, things would be very different” Lilith said almost like a complaint, and the young god just looked away. 

“It's what's best for her.” He responded.

“Is it? Or your lack of self worth and fear of abandonment is what stopped you from at least trying?” She said, raising an eyebrow. 

“I get why you don't like Dazai, you sound just like him” The ginger answered with a serious face, and the girl just laughed. 

“So direct, I love it, we should really just change lanes and go down your road” She said in a low, almost seductive voice, getting a small blush from the little lion man. 

“Just let her rest, will you?” He answered looking away, up to the sky. That presence did not feel like her, it did not feel threatening either, just different, and he liked better the woman who he started to like even without knowing her name. 

“Fine, but don't let us sleep in the cold grass all night” She said turning up to the sky too and closing her exposed eye, the wind blew one more time and the presence had gone small and he was left looking at the young woman, chest moving up and down slowly indicating a deep slumber. 

He moved the hair out of her face, and stared at her for a while, before letting out a loud sighed. The words Lilith had said to him were still bouncing around his mind, glowing like neon signs. He knew she was right, at least a part of it. He had it clear that the implications of a possible relationship between them were too complicated, he worked in the night, she worked in the day, literally and metaphorically. Her job is to clean and his was creating messes, the agency and the mafia are enemies and always will be, it is necessary to keep the balance in the city.  And now there he was, once again, ignoring direct orders. Everyone in the mafia has the order to dispose of her immediately, she poses a threat now, Chuuya is not worried about her safety as long as she is with Dazai, that man is a lingering dark shadow that scares even the most vile of people. All this explanation to justify he didn't even try to save the relationship they had, even if it meant for it to be only a friendship, he gave up the second he knew Dazai was involved, and that indeed, makes him a coward. 

He stood up and glanced at the sleeping beauty laying in the grass, her skin glowing with the purple rays of almost morning. He picked her up and started walking into the city, without taking alleyways, without running, without hiding. 

• ••

I woke up but did not open my eyes. I remember falling asleep in the park talking with Chuuya, but nothing more, I just let the heavy sensation of tiredness drown me and gave in, kind of irresponsible.

I turned in bed and hugged a pillow, wanting to keep sleeping. 'Wait, pillow, bed? Where am I?' I thought to myself. 

I opened my eye and found myself laying in a big bed, expensive feeling bed sheets, in a clean looking room. There wasn't a lot of furniture, it was a minimalistic yet dark kind of atmosphere. I walked to the dresser in front of me, I looked at the items on it, just a cologne, an ashtray, a book and a pen. Then from the mirror I saw a hat hanging from the headboard. 

'Oh' I thought and got out of the bedroom slowly. 

The lights were off but there was natural light illuminating the room, the apartment looked fancy, small but expensive, getting out of the bedroom the living room was on the left and the kitchen to the right. Everything was black and white with tints of burgundy. I looked at the time from the microwave, 10 am. I am late for work but I guess that's the least of my problems. 

The biggest of my problems was lying peacefully on an expensive looking black couch, shoes off, no coat, no vest, no tie, just his usual choker on his neck, his hair all over his face, messy looking red mane covering his pretty freckled face. His chest moving up and down slowly and peacefully. He looks…cute. Chuuya's presence is powerful, most of the time he looks intimidating, always wearing a frown on his face and walking like he is taller than the Empire State building. Now he looks almost innocent, as if he has never painted his hands red since a young age.

I got in the kitchen and started to look around, there wasn't much, neither in the bedroom, everything looked way to clean, so I guess either this is a safe house or an apartment he doesn't really use that much. I started to make some coffee and let the coffee maker do its thing as I walked towards the sleeping man.

“Chuu…wake up” I whispered and he didn't react. So I shook his shoulder slightly, he just made a face and turned around facing the back pillows of the couch and he continued to sleep. He was acting like a child that didn't want to go to school and I have never seen Chuuya like that, this is kind of funny.  

“Hey, give me attention! I am up!” I whined and poke his back. I can be childish too. 

I heard him groan and turn around, he grabbed a pillow from a couch and placed it on his face as if to ignore that he had to wake up.

“Ugh, can't you just sleep fucking five more minutes?” He said into the pillow. I took a seat on the floor and just stared at him hiding his face, his hair a mess. It's weird seeing him so… messy, Chuuya is always clean and polished, he looks expensive and acts elegant, if he doesn't open his mouth though, he curses a lot, like more than is needed, but it adds to his charm. 

“I have to go to work, and the coffee is ready” I said, poking him in the ribs which made him flinch and I smiled in surprise. I tried to do it again but was stopped by his ability.

“Hey don't you activate your ability with me mister, that's unfair” I said, reaching for another pillow and throwing it at him, which of course did not hit him. 

“You have an ability now, everything's fair” He answered and took the pillow of his face. He sat up and looked sleepily at the wall in front of him. 

“My ability is messy, it's not that neat like yours, plus I am a baby I barely know how to use it, I am barely crawling and you are running, in terms of how to use your powers.” I said puffing my cheeks, I was annoyed by the fact that I am practically useless in terms of using the ability I have inherited. 

“Well, you have to practice, if you don't try to walk you will never run, so I recomend you to start fucking moving” He said as he got up and extended his hand to pull me up, I took it while sticking my tongue out to him and he roled his eyes. 

Getting the full view is something, his hair falling in his face and some locks out of place, sleepy morning look on his face, white button down with some buttons undone and untucked with no belt. The lack of extra fabric he was always wearing made me notice he is pretty…strong, he is more buff than you would expect, but I guess that's what you will expect from the Port Mafia's hand to hand combat expert. 

“Why are you staring at me? Like what you see, princess?” He said smirking as he walked past me and headed to the kitchen, and thank god cause my jaw dropped. 'Where is this confidence coming from?' I thought to myself, and I could hear Lilith laugh in the back of my mind.  

“Who are you?” I asked him jokingly, and he laughed as he took two cups, from the top shelf, funny thing is that, well, it's no secret Chuuya is kind of short, so he used his ability to make a little jump and float midair to grab what he needed and then lowered himself slowly. He looked so casual and cool I kind of hate him right now. 

Two cups, one in front of me, one in front of him. We were sitting at the kitchen counter facing each other, we had a little staring contest. 

“So… what is going on?” I asked throwing the ball at his court. 

“What do you mean? You fell asleep in the freaking grass in a public park, what was I to do? Leave you there until you woke up? I may be Mafia but we have, believe it or not, moral codes” He said, taking a sip of his coffee and looking away. 

“You could have taken me to the Agency, or a police station, or even my apartment, you could have gotten that information pretty easily I'm sure” I responded, not fully satisfied with his answer. 

“The only way I'm getting near the Agency is to tear it down, same with a police station, also I promised you that I was not going to find out where you live, and I am keeping that promise, only way I'm going to know where your apartment is, is that you invite me in yourself” He said looking straight at me, his tone was firm but also kind of suggestive. ' Am I tripping?' I questioned myself.

'You are not, he is getting bold' Lilith answered me laughing and I was kind of reassured I was not losing my mind. 

“Why did you bring me here? I am guessing this apartment is yours, but not your main one.” I asked him. I could see him thinking very well about his answer. 

“I want us to talk again. I fucked up thinking that whats best for us was to stay apart, clearly that didnt work for shit, so lets get back to where we were” He said, his tone was serious, yet not formal, his eyes never leaving mine, as if he was trying to read my reaction. I know I looked a little surprised and almost shocked, I was used to controlling my reactions with Dazai cause everything is a chess move, but with Chuuya I let my guard down.

“And you think our bosses will be just fine with that?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“They don't have to know” He responded quickly.

“Dazai will know.” I said, almost like a whisper. 

“I'll deal with him, so will you stop looking for fucking excuses, if you don't want to talk again say it, but don't look for something else to take away the responsability to make a choice” He said getting closer to my face, and I looked away for a second. 

“Fine. But you have to be careful, if I get caught I will get the disappointing look and a long ass monologue from the President, I don't think they will be that nice with you, this could look like treason on your end…” I said, geniune concern on my voice, I know this is wrong and I will get punished but no one will torture me or kill me, cant say the same for Chuuya. 

“I will deal with the consequences of my own fucking actions myself, don't worry about a thing, princess. I will be fine” He said and gave me a soft smile. 

“Did something happen yesterday that I don't remember? You are acting a little different” I said half closing my eyes suspiciously. 

“Nothing new” was all he said and I could tell he was not telling me something but I will let it slide. 

“I really have to go” I said in a sad tone and he just nodded his head in agreement while drinking his coffee. 

He then stood up and headed to the bedroom, I stayed in the kitchen drinking my coffee and thinking about the mess this was going to become…I was excited. I know I shouldn't, this is wrong but I really missed Chuuya, I missed having a friend, and I am risking a lot just to have something that makes me feel… safe.

He came back with a coat and a hat and placed them on the counter. 

“Hide your hair in the hat, and put on the coat, close it to hide your clothes, it has many pockets so you can place all the things from your bag on the coat. Since this is indeed one of my 7 apartments it will raise suspicion if someone saw you leave my place, we will meet on neutral ground on later occasions so don't worry about sneaking out all the time, unless you want to.” He said, smirking at the last part and I just stared at him, not knowing how to react. He was making me nervous and…shy. I have to go. 

I just nodded in agreement to whatever he was saying and did as he told me. I placed my hair inside the hat and put on the big coat. I looked funny, almost suspicious in a comical way, but if I keep my gaze on the ground and walk fast, I should be fine. 

“We are not that far from the park, but I called a cab for you either way, already paid so you just tell them where you need to go. I will answer the phone again, the one I gave you.” He said as we walked to the entrance until we were practically touching the door. 

I turned around to say goodbye and was surprised by his sudden embrace. He hugged me, pulling me closer wrapping his arm around my waist.

“I'll see you later, merlot” he whispered in my ear and then let go and opened the door. I just waved at him and walked away. My ears were hot and I knew my face was red. 

This is going to be troublesome.

Chapter Text

I got off the cab a few blocks before my apartment, because you can never be too sure. My phone was ringing like crazy, and I have decided to ignore it and just delay the consequences of my reckless actions for a bit. 

I took the bandages off my head slowly, the pain and uncomfortable sensation have subsided and it seems safe to let my right eye see again. I saw the smudge of blood on the bandage and Dazai's face popped into my mind. The way I left was not the best, I did not leave him a note, even though I supposed he would have known where I had gone by the time he noticed the empty space of my bed. 

I sighed and took the last bandage off, revealing a violet eye with a cat like iris, a blink and then it was gone. 

'If you let me I can see the world by lending me your eye, and if you want I can let you see how it looks from my lenses' Lilith said in my head. 

'What was the thing that surrounded everyone?' I asked her in curiosity

'Their soul, that's why it felt overwhelming to you, it's not something a human should see, but the closer both of us get, the better you will adapt to see what others can, only if you want, I won't hurt you anymore, I'm sorry for that' She answered plainly, I could see her walking on the beach in our place inside my mind. 

'Thank you…for allowing me to see something so precious, I hope next time I can appreciate it more' I told her, and my eye switched between blinks and I smiled. This is my life now. 

I took a shower and headed to the Agency. I was playing with my fingers, moving and feeling the textures of the rings, I was scared of the look on Dazai's eyes. We had a moment yesterday, and there is a big possibility that I ruined it by my own selfishness. 

I opened the door and all the faces in the Agency turned in my direction. 

“Hey… so my eye is fine now, sorry I didn't pick up the phone” I said to anyone in particular.

“Where were you? Don't you know how worried we were?” Kunikida started to scold me and I just stayed in the middle of the office looking at my shoes and taking the yells of my responsible superior. He kept waiting for an answer to my whereabouts and I didn't know what to say. I could say I spent the night at a Port Mafias Executive's apartment. 

“ Oh right ! I gave her permission to go home and for a walk, so she could get in contact with Lilith and fix the issue, and it seems like my wonderful plan worked! Your pretty eyes are back to normal hooray” Dazai chimed in and walked to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer.  

“You idiot, why didn't you say that sooner! You almost go her in trouble, but of course it was one of your stupid ideas!” Kunikida kept yelling at Dazai and pointing at him, I just smiled nervously and nodded. Dazai's embrace told me he knew where I was and what I was doing. He was tense and his smile was fake, his jaw was clenched. 

Rampo was looking at me too, eyes opened and serious, I have forgotten that nothing gets past that genius detective, except public transportation. I have to be clear with him too and get him to help me on my illicit friendship with the one, Nakahara Chuuya. 

Dazai got pulled away by Kunikida and thrown into a wall, they started to argue, or more exact, the browned haired detective just heard whatever his blonde partner was yelling at him. And I took the chance to walk up to Rampo's desk and sat on top of it, both of us facing the door. 

“Are you going to tell on me?” I asked him straight to the point. He chuckled. 

“It would be fun to do so, imagine the chaos! But I won't, what you did is logical, plus I have told you before, I like him better” He said resting his back on his chair and bringing his legs up to the desk. 

“It's not like that” I said, almost shyly, the memory of Chuuya and I drinking coffee half asleep in the morning popped into my mind, causing me to blush.

“Whatever you say, lil sis” He said and I turned to face him with surprise in my eyes. I have noticed our little dynamics were sibling-like but it was the first time it was acknowledged, he just closed his eyes and smiled softly. I saw Dazai drag himself to the door and run away from Kunikida. I let out a sigh.

“Go fix your mess” Rampo said nodding towards the door and I groaned in complaint. I got up from his desk and walked to the door, Kunikida said something to me and I just stuck my tongue out and ran outside the office. 

I know this sounds weird but I followed Dazai's ocean-like scent to the Uzumaki Café, opened the door and there he was, getting scolded about not paying his tab, I walked up to him and took a seat in front of him. He threw me a weird look, eyes grew dark but a goofy smile on his face. 

“ Let me guess …you want to apologize about leaving without telling me, that you are very sorry and shouldn't have done that, but you did, so let's leave it like that.” He said, holding his cup up and crossing his legs, wanting to have control of the conversation as always. 

“Nope, we are not going to leave it like that, and even though you know, I want to say it, I want you to hear me apologize because I am really sorry. I don't regret going to meet him, but I do regret having to leave you without a note or something, that was inconsiderate” I said as I sipped my own tea. 

“What makes you think I care?” he answered, his walls were up, acting defensive and distant, I just gave him a soft smile.

“Oh please, I don't buy your act, you can fool whoever you want but not me, I am a great psychologist and you are just a human so yeah, I know you cared, I know my actions had a direct emotional reaction on you, I know you are either mad or hurt, you are defensive and cold, wearing a fake smile, and I know your Yozo the Clown mask pretty well, so I'm sorry” my monologue left him with eyes slightly wide open as if surprise, he just lifted his cup to take a sip, and I mirrored his actions. 

“I wanted you to show up with a bandage over your eye, I wanted you to go to him and get nothing fixed, I needed a nonpersonal excuse to forbid you from seeing him. But here you are, pretty eyes back to normal” He said as if he was talking to himself, staring at the window and watching the people walk past. 

“This is not a competition” I answered him, frowning my eyebrows.

“Ah my little and beautiful naive doll…everything is a competition” He said in a mocking voice, still not looking at me. 

“No it's not, I have made my decision, it's you who refuses to take a step, so don't complain about being stuck, Dazai” I said in a serious tone, ignoring the fact that the issue between ous is not getting on my nerves and head its naive so I refuse to hide it, I am annoyed and sad, and he is going to know it.

“Osamu” He answered quickly, looking at the clouds in the sky.

“I didn't know if I could still call you that” I whispered while looking at my hands, wrapping my hands around my cup carefully.

“You always can” He whispered back, giving me a soft smile while he looked at me for a second and then back to the window.

He sat in silence for a while, just people watching, we made some remarks about strangers who caught our attention. 

“That one cheated on his girlfriend” He said and I nodded.

“That one is not going to do well in his work interview” I pointed at a nervous looking man mumbling things, and Dazai just chuckled. 

And so on, for about 40 minutes we stayed judging people and agreeing and disagreeing without speculations about strangers. I looked at him, his flawless profile being sunbathed and making me remember how out of my league he is. He turned to face me and gave me a soft smile, a real one this time. I let out a sigh and stood up, kissed the top of his head and left. 

Time to return to my normal work routine. 

♣♣♣

The rest of the day I did not see Dazai, he never came back up from the café to the office. Atsushi asked me if I knew what he was up to but I couldn't give him an answer. 

“When will you be going back to normal?” He asked me in a soft voice, still writing some reports. 

“There's a possibility that this is the new normal, honey” I responded in a low tone and gave him a soft smile, he just looked at me and frowned in a kind of tantrum and we both kept working in silence. 

I finished my work and clocked out, as I was walking home I took a wrong turn and went into different alleyways until I found one desolate enough to practice.

Chuuya's words kept bouncing in my head “if you don't try to walk you will never run” , and he was right, I need to start moving, I have not been practicing that much, specially the blood manipulation, it was tiresome since it implies me losing blood, so I got an idea. 

I took out the different weapons I had taken from the Agency and placed them on the ground. Walked to the wall in front of me and drew a target circle with some chalk, then added different stars between the spaces. I have a pretty good aim but I am going to switch it up a little bit. 

As I was back at the place where I laid the weapons, I stared at the far away target, I could barely see the different spots I had added to the usual form. Reaching out to grab a little knife I placed it on the palm of my hand and slid it making a cut, not deep enough to make loose a ton of blood, but deep enough to draw the color red out of me. 

And I threw it without aiming, as the knife was going in a slight direction, I moved my fingers as if commanding it to the right direction and the blood on the blade obeyed changing its route, and the knife hit the spot I wanted to. I just screamed in excitement. I can do this. 

I took the bullets off the magazine and covered them in my blood and placed them back, I turned the safety off and shot. I missed the target. The bullets are faster than the knife so it makes it harder to command the blood to move on time. 

Next I tried an arrow, I figured that the entirety of the object had to be covered in blood so I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to draw more blood and paint it red from the head to the nock. I took the bow and placed the arrow and let go of it without aiming and tried to command it as if directing a symphony and the tune was just right. 

I guess I have to work on timing and better control on faster things, but I was satisfied with the results of today's experiment. I saw the blood on my hand slightly moving, as if it was alive, it was a weird sensation, then the blood on the weapons I have used, as well as the blood that had dripped on the floor. ' Could I bring it back to me? ' I thought to myself.

My gaze directly on the small puddle of blood near my feet, 'come back ' I ordered it in my head and it moved slightly upwards, as if reaching for me, and I tried to concentrate on the sensation of warmth and life, reaching my hand down a bit I saw the blood come back to me and enter my wound again, as if it was recording playing backwards, the red on the floor had disappeared, and so I tried it with the blood on the weapons, and as expected the red came back to me as if nothing happened. 

I tried to make the blood on my wound coagulate, therefore fixing my own wound without the need of a bandaid, bandages or even time. But I guess this was my limit for now. I felt a little lightheaded, didn't know if it was because of the blood loss or the sense of power, making me feel like I could walk on air. 

Chapter Text

Dazai wandered the streets of the city, walking with purpose, thinking about past events and what he will do in the future. He has not made a decision but what happened yesterday and today did shake his throne of bones a little. He stood before a fancy looking restaurant and stared at the big doors. His face had no expression or feeling, his eyes were empty, as he let out a deep sigh, his expression changed completely, there was a goofy smile on his lips, his eyes looked “happy”. His clown disguise was on as he opened both of the doors with glee, skipping through the restaurant as the people inside it watched him with confusion. 

“Excuse me sir, you need a reservation!” he heard the receptionist call after him and he just turned his head around a bit and flashed her a sweet smile.

“Oh, there's someone waiting for me already” he told her and kept walking towards his goal ignoring what the girl had to say. 

He then got to a secluded part of the restaurant, deep in the back where the lights were dim and doors were closed, it was a private area that was heavily secured, the guard saw him and placed his hand in front of him to restrict his entrance to the closed off part of the building. Dazai just gave him a menacing look and the man moved, without a question, as he was let in, the detective in the sand colored trench coat kept his joyful walk until he reached one specific door, he opened without knocking.

Guns were raised and pointing at the former Port Mafia member, he just kept a grin on his face and walked in the room as if nothing were happening. The table had three men sitting on it, two corporate looking men and the other one, a sharp looking small man with ginger hair and a tacky hat. 

“Everyone out, I need to have a word with the slug looking pipsqueak” Dazai said in a fake cheery tone. He could hear the safety being taken off guns. He looked directly at the three other men that were on the back of the room, Port Mafia guardogs. He walked up to them.

“You used to take orders from me, have you forgotten what happened to the ones that opposed me? Or do I need to remind you? ” He said in a low and serious tone, making the three men flinch. 

“Everyone, give us a moment please, it shouldn't take long.” Chuuya spoke up and gave the order to his men to lower their weapons. “Take the gentlemen to have a drink at the bar while I settle this” he added motioning his men to take the business looking men out of the room. 

Dazai stuck out his tongue to the guards and even the other people in the room, and walked to the table to take a seat in front of his former partner.

“Why the fuck are you being insufferable, this was a risky move, you know?” Chuuya asked, taking a sip of his wine glass.

“All my moves are calculated and since you were getting bold I thought I might as well do the same, and you know why I am here, so let's get down to business” Dazai answered, his joyful facade coming down and showing a serious side of him.

“I have nothing to say” Chuuya said looking straight at the person in front of him, he knew the look his browned haired crazy former partner had on his face, he was pissed. 

“Oh really? Should I just send a little birdy to tell Mori you have been fraternizing with the enemy, and not only that, ignored a direct order to eliminate a target because of personal reasons?” Dazai said, pouring himself a glass of wine and taking a sip. 

“Go ahead, if you are looking for reasons to keep her away from you that's the perfect one, she will actually hate you for doing that to me, so be my guest. We both end up losing.” Chuuya said, resting his back on the back of the chair as if he was getting comfortable. This was a negotiation after all. 

“You are putting her in unnecessary danger and you know it, so fuck off, she was fine when you were gone” Dazai said, venom in his voice, the grip on the glass getting tigher.

“Why did she come running to me then? I did not look for her, she came looking for me, so don't act as if forced her to do anything” Chuuya spat back fist getting tight with anger. 

“She doesn't know better, but we both know, you are going to get her killed and that's going to be her blood on your hands” Dazai's voice getting a little louder. 

“Are you saying you are incompetent enough to let her get killed, Agency members sure are useless” Chuuya said raising his eyebrow and matching the tone of the man in front of him. 

Dazai threw a plate on the wall, pieces of ceramic scattered on the floor, Chuuya didn't move an inch, eyebrows raised in surprise of how his ex partner was expressing his anger. Dazai didn't say anything and kept looking at the spot where the plate used to be. 

“Don't blame me for your own consequences, I fucking cleared the path for you, fuck, I almost gave you my fucking blessing, and it was you who has backed off! Stop being a fucking coward then! I ain't afraid of a fair fight, but don't come here and yell at me for the decisions you make! Or lack of them…” Chuuya stood up and yelled at the man in front of him. Dazai lifted his head and looked at the red haired man, the way his former partner talked made him look taller than he was, and right now Dazai was feeling small, tiny even. He let out a sigh and slammed his head on the table. 

Chuuya let out a sigh too and sat back on his chair. 

“Whatever you did yesterday it worked, her eye is back to normal” Dazai muttered, forehead still pressed on the table. 

“We just talked, I talked to…Lilith? Whatever her name is, she showed up after she fell asleep, it appears she can take control of her body if unconscious, so keep that in mind, it was only for a second tho” Chuuya told Dazai and then took a sip of his wine.

“What she say?” Dazai asked. 

“Nothing important.” Chuuya answered, avoiding the topic. Dazai raised his head and gave the other man a weird look, then took a big sip of his glass. 

“Mori is going to punish you and humiliate you in front of the rest of the Mafia if he finds out, he is not going to kill you of course, but he will torture you for a while, and he will make Koyou-san do it. It's not looking good for you.” The seriousness of Dazai's tone almost made Chuuya flinch. 

“Aw, are you worried about me? Never took you for a good person.” Chuuya said, sarcasm in his tone.

“As if, I am just thinking about how she would take those news, she would blame herself and I don't want to clean up the mess you make.” Dazai said, still trying to numb his anger and desperation with alcohol.

“I'll handle myself, she will handle herself, and you should handle yourself, don't barge in my business meetings just because you are insecure about losing a girl that you are indirectly rejecting yourself, I don't like you and I don't think you deserve her, but I do think you are being too hard on yourself” Chuuya said taking a sip of his cup, and Dazai flipped him off. 

“Fuck you, Dazai” the redhead said. 

“Right back at you” The detective responded as he stood up, taking the wine bottle with him, and making his way to the door. 

“ Thank you ” Dazai whispered as he got out of the room, and Chuuya smiled softly yet sadly without looking back at him. 

• ••

Dazai was walking around the city, thinking about what he wanted to do with himself, just drowning his questions with the taste of a dry cabernet, he has never been a fan of wine, but years of working with Chuuya he develop a taste for it once in a while, and alcohol is alcohol after all. 

He was publicly drinking just taking swings off a bottle and all he got were confused stares then smiles and batting of eyelashes from the people around him, he could get away with a lot and he knew it. He knew he was good looking and he could mold his personality to please everyone and anyone. So he did as he pleased all the time. 

He threw the empty bottle in a trash can and looked up to the sky. It was already night time, and he was still not sure of what to do. The unknown sensation of not having control and not having the answers was foreign to him, and also uncomfortable. The truth is, this situation was making him miss Odasaku, he kept thinking if he was still around he could just go to him, tell him everything and Odasaku would hit him in the back of the head and give him some advice. Dazai Osamu could start and end wars, but when it comes to human connections and situations, he knew nothing. 

So he went to the place where he often played make-believe. Lupin sign shining bright, he entered and it was kind of empty, the bartender raised his hand to acknowledge his presence and got him his usual whisky on the rocks, upon seeing Dazai's gaze on the empty stool, the bartender served another drink and placed it in front of the ghost that lingered Dazai's life. 

The young man drank silently, two drinks later he was still on the same stop, just looking at the presence that haunted him since he had a memory. 

“Is this seat taken?” A voice called up to him, he turned around and sat up straight. 

“Of course not, President. What are you doing here if I may ask?” Dazai responded formally. The President did not take Odasaku's place, but the one on Dazai's left, where Ango would often sit. 

“Looking for you, actually” The President said and asked the bartender for a drink. 

“Did something happen? Kunkida has not called me more than 50 times, so I didn't think something urgent was up” Dazai said softly and looked at his phone. A message from his pretty eyes on the notifications, “is everything alright?” it read, and he smiled sadly. 

“Nothing happened, I just noticed your change in demeanor, and I wanted to make sure everything was alright.” Fukuzawa said in a soft tone and took a sip of his drink.

“You have nothing to worry about! I am perfectly fine, peachy even!” Dazai answered in a joyful fake tone, the same fake goofy smile on his lips. 

“I am not a psychologist like her but you have been on the Agency for a while, I sometimes can see when you are putting on a show for everyone and not saying what you really think or feel, this is one of those times” the gray haired man said looking at Dazai with compassion on his eyes. They have never been that close, the immature detective made it hard for anyone to get close. 

Dazai just let out a loud sigh and threw his head back a little. 

“What do you want me to say, Fukuzawa-san?” Dazai said with his eyes closed and a tired voice. 

“Nothing you don't want to, I just want to let you know you can talk to us, to me…I know I cannot replace what you've lost but that doesn't mean you have to make it on your own” the older man said as he watched the trouble young man open his eyes and looked up to the ceiling. 

Dazai let out yet another loud sigh, took his whisky and drank it all up and asked for another one, Fukuzawa just watched him with a raised eyebrow. 

“The following involves another one of the Agency members, so you are free to stop me when you want. I wanted to talk about this with Odasaku, but as you can see, all I get is silence and a lingering sense of loss” Dazai said in a monotone voice as he turned to face Fukuzawa who as an answer drank his scotch and asked for another one. 

“I… have to make a decision, and for someone who always has all the answers and is one step ahead of everyone, I am unable to move.” Dazai said in a nervous tone, thinking all his words.

“But what is it that you want?” Fukuzawa asked. 

“Her.” Dazai answered quickly, as if he had not given thought to his answer.

“Well then, what's so confusing about the situation?” Fukuzawa asked with pure confusion in his voice.

“I can't give her what she deserves and wants” Dazai said and took two gulps of his drink.

“And what is that?” Fukuzawa asked.

“You know that I had it all planned out, she was going to stay here two years, I would have fun with it, we all would, and then she will go back, back to her family, to her home, sure the place where she lived is kind of violent but we would have trained her to survive, and then she could leave her job, be a therapist like she dreamed of, get married to an okay person, have two kids and be happy.” Dazai said as if avoiding the question.

“And why cant she just have that with you?” Fukuzawa said and then took a sip of his drink. They were drinking pretty fast. Dazai turned to face his boss and scrunched his nose in disagreement.

“Have you met me? If I am not busy avoiding getting killed I am busy trying to kill myself, and working in between those two options. I can't have a domestic life” Dazai said as he emptied his glass. 

“Why not?” Fukuzawa was nervous making so many questions, because he was in fact getting answers and that was something really hard to take out of Dazai.

“I don't deserve it, how am I supposed to raise life and have a home when I have taken so much of those two things out of other people” Dazai whispered, and Fukuzawa let out a sigh, he could see now that the detective beside him was just another young man, the same as the other ones inside the building. 

“Do you know how many lives and how many homes have you saved being in the Agency? I'm sure you have the count, and if that's not enough then keep working, keep saving people. Have the life that you want, if you want the house with the white picket fence then build it, and pay it by saving so many that the number of the lives you have taken looks small.” Fukuzawa said in a serious tone, looking his young detective in the eyes. Dazai was just surprised, he felt young, he felt his age. 

The brown haired man let his face fall on the counter, his forehead hitting the cold surface. 

“I don't know if I can do that…” The younger man whispered.

“You have to, is a direct order from your boss, go and get what you want, I don't care if you think you deserve it, because all of us do and that should be enough for now” the older one reached to pat the messy head of brown hair as he sipped his drink.

“Thank you” Dazai whispered, and the President gave him a soft smile he could not see. 

“I have been thanking people today a lot, it's awful, makes me want to throw up, ew” Dazai said, getting back to his humoristic self.

“Or is it the five drinks you have finished in less than an hour?” Fukuzawa said laughing.

“Nope, I can drink five more and still be cool.” Dazai answered, chuckling. 

“Get out of here, and you can skip tomorrow if you don't skip it alone” Fukuzawa said without looking at Dazai. The young detective raised an eyebrow and smiled softly, but indeed stood up and walked through the door.

“You would be proud of who he is right now, and what he is going to become in the future” Fukuzawa said while reaching to clink his drink with the lone one on the far right. 

Chapter Text

The tall detective was running like crazy through the city, a little flask on his hand of which he casually took a sip of every once in a while. He knew that maybe he should stop drinking but he thought that if he did, he would turn around and head to his boring and empty apartment. 

He felt little droplets of rain hit the top of his head. He saw people take out their umbrellas and open them up to cover themselves from the rain, a thing Dazai never understood why people hide away from the water, he just kept running dodging the other humans who were standing on his way, his target should be on the park, feeding the stray cats that live by a tree in the park near her apartment. 

By the time he made it to the park the slight drizzle turned into a shower and his clothes were drenched, sticking to his slim figure. He took a walk round the park but she was nowhere to be seen, the cats she feeds hidden inside the trunk of the tree. So he was off running again.

His hair was sticking on his face, and the water was getting on his eyes, he felt a little bit tipsy, making him stumble a couple times, but he knew if he didnt go and tell her something now, he never would, letting the go of even the chance to feel, a little more human. 

He was getting out of breath, running around slightly intoxicated is stopping to be fun, he was heading to her apartment. And there he saw her, running up the stairs, her hands covering her eyes from the rain. 

“ Stop !” Dazai screamed at her, but the sound of the heavy rain wouldn't let her listen, so he ran after her, up the stairs until he reached the back of the big flannel shirt she was wearing untucked as a coat. 

“I told you to stop” He said out of breath and the young woman looked at him confused.

“What are you doing? You are drenched, both of us are, let go of my shirt to get into my apartment!” She screamed, the sound of the rain and some thunder filling the air.

“ No ! I have to talk to you, here, right now!” he screamed at her as he got close to her, both of them standing in the little rest step on the staircase. 

“Dazai, the fucking sky is falling, are you crazy lets just get inside- are you drunk?!” she yelled at him and he just looked at her with a soft smile, her wet hair sticking to her face, two strands of white hair on the side of her face contrasting her skin and eyes. 

“No, well yes, but I need you to hear me now, and it's Osamu, goddamn it!” He said as he cupped her face with his hands. She just looked at him and put her own hands on top of his, holding them secure on her face.

“I don't want you to flirt with anyone else, I don't want you to kiss a person that's not me, I don't want someone else touching you or seeing you naked. I want you all to myself, I want you to be mine and no one else's" he yelled at the top of his lungs as if he was trying to let the whole world he was claiming her. 

"But I can't have you because I know what that means, you will want me to be reciprocate, you will ask to have me and you dont want that you really don't…you think you do but its because you have only seen the surface of how fucked I really am and you have no idea how much work-" he was cut off by her lips on his own, her hands on his neck as she pulled him closer and he kissed her back, running his hands on her wet hair. And they stood there, kissing and blocking the staircase for at least 8 minutes.

“We should get inside!” She stopped the kiss and took his hand, leading him up the staircase and into the hallway, the roof of it protecting them from the rain. She let go of his hand to look for her keys, as she opened the door and entered the apartment and took off her shoes.

“What are you doing? Come in, you are going to get sick!” She yelled at him, who was staring at her, resting his head on the doorframe. 

“Nope, I am not coming in, I am done sneaking into your apartment and spending the night here, even if it's on the couch. I want to do this right, I want to be right, for you” He said in a soft tone, and she just stood there, looking at him with surprise on her face, a slight blush on her cheeks. 

“Stop being weird, and come in, you have spare clothes in here, also new bandages, so just come inside and let's talk about it, you don't have to stay if you don't want to, but at least lets get you dry clothes” She answered as she extended her hand to him, he looked at her face and shivering shoulders, then at her hand back again, full of cuts that she had probably done herself while practicing with her ability. He sighed and took her hand, allowing her to pull him in. 

“I'll go to my bedroom and you change in the bathroom” She said as she walked  into the hallway and he entered the home too, taking his spare change of clothes from the bag he had hidden in her closet a while back. After 10 minutes both of them were in the kitchen making tea with a brand new set of clothes but wet hair.

“You really need to buy a hairdryer” He said, breaking the comfortable silence engulfing them both. 

“My hair gets puffy and frizzy if I blowdry it, so I don't see the need for it” She answered, getting some cookies out and placing them on a plate. They both grabbed a cookie. 

“So…what happened?” She asked curiously, one moment they were not talking much, the other he was practically spilling his guts in the middle of a rainstorm.

“Nothing much, had some conversations that helped me to stop running away” He said, eating his cookie, and she just raised an eyebrow. 

“You can stay, you know? The storm outside is pretty awful” She said, sounding concerned and looking at the window in the back of the living room.

“Nope, I want this to go right, so about that… Let's go on three dates before you decide if you want to be with me” He said slowly, as if he was reciting a script he had written just before coming in. 

“I already know what I want, Osamu, I don't need-” she said resting her face on her face and looking at the man sitting in front of her.

“But I do, I don't know how to do any of this. The best I could do was go on two dates with the same person and then onto the next one because I got bored, or annoyed, or… whatever. So I figured if we could go on three dates without killing each other, then this is not as hopeless as it seems” the man, now wearing a black jumper and gray dress pants answered, looking straight at his cup of tea, almost as if he was trying to see his fortune in the leaves. 

She just looked at him, he was sobering up, Dazai is not a messy drunk, he must have been just tipsy, his tolerance for alcohol is both impressive and worrying, she had never seen him really, really drunk. His movements looked less sloppy and his eyes more open. She felt…moved, seeing him like this, acting his age, being a little careless, even impulsive. She gave him a soft smile. 

“Why are you smiling at me? Am I that handsome?” He said in his usual playful tone as he grabbed his face and tilted to the side. 

“Yes, I think you are the most handsome and smart person I have ever met” She said softly, honesty dripping from her words like honey and Dazai was taken aback from the tenderness of the tone she was speaking with. 

“Aw man, did I just make you blush? That goes on my list of accomplishments for sure” She said with a smirk upon seeing the reddened cheeks of the mad genius detective who usually was the one with the witty remarks. 

He said nothing and just reached for her hand, he turned it around so the palm of her hand was visible, he just started to feel the cuts on the skin, some fresh, others already healing, others were scars. 

“Why are you frowning?” She asked, seeing the eyebrows on the man's face furrowed and his jaw clenched. 

“I don't like it that you have to hurt yourself to use your ability, why couldn't you get, I don't know, an ability were you can grow flowers, talk to animals, something like that” He rambled his words, he started to feel tired and sleepy out of nowhere, maybe the walking and running around, or huge amount of alcohol he drank.

“I am not a disney princess, Osamu” She said laughing and he gave her a soft look then stood up.

“It's getting late, I should go” He said softly and she just nodded in agreement, they walked together to the entrance and she gave him an umbrella, to which the tall detective gave her an annoyed look.

“A hello kitty umbrella, really?” He said sarcastically, and she just stuck his tongue out at him mockingly, and he let out a chuckle.

“Tomorrow, I'm going to pick you up at 5 pm. We have permission from the President himself to ditch work, so I'll take you on a date, how does that sound?” He asked in a more upbeat voice, trying to hide his tiredness. 

“You had me at ditch work” She answered with a big grin, and got close to him standing on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peek on the lips as she said goodbye to him. 

 The waiting was over, but there was still nothing settled yet, but both of them slept with a smile on their faces that night. 

Chapter Text

She woke up earlier than she would have wanted, but she had made plans before Dazai decided to show up in the middle of a thunderstorm and suddenly yell what was going on in that weird head of his. 

She ran towards the little diner that Chuuya had told her to go, it was a little run down local, you wouldn't give two cents for it, when she got there the door was closed, but she was actually late, so putting his trust on the Executive she knocked on the glass door until an old lady came and opened the door. 

“Hi I hav-” The young woman was cut off by a hand on her face, as the older woman told her to follow her, she led her to the back where there were some spiral stairs that were way too little and uncomfortable but I went up either way. 

It led up to an attic that had small tables, Chuuya was already in one of them, he looked at the girl and gave me a soft smile. The place was small but thank god neither of them was tall so we fit perfectly. Coffee was brought and they started talking, normal stuff, a little of small talk. 

“So… has anyone noticed on your side?” Chuuya asked despite knowing at least one person who knew about their clandestine meetings. 

“mmm… well, Dazai obviously knows, but he didn't tell me much about it, Rampo also knows, he told me he wasn't going to say anything.” she answered while taking a bite of the fresh pastries that were delivered to their table. 

“Why wouldn't he say anything? Isn't he like your Boss's kid or something?” Chuuya asked the girl sitting next to him, they were both sitting on the floor on some cushions, the space was small so they were also pretty close together, shoulders brushing, hands crashing when trying to take their coffee.

“Or something, Rampo's like the President adopted kid indeed, but that also implies we have a sibling like relationship, he has always known that we talk its hard keeping things from him so I don't, and he won't say anything because he likes you better than Dazai” She let out a laugh at the last part, remembering how Rampo literally had said to her that the active mass murderer was better than the former one.

“You guys are really weird.” the red headed man said softly with a frown on his face unable to comprehend the complex personalities that reside in the Agency. 

“As if the Port Mafia members are so normal… you are all freaks too” She said, scrunching her nose and sipping her coffee, and looking at the handsome mafioso from the corner of her eye. 

“We are a group of respectable criminals” He said proudly, closing his eyes while sipping his own coffee, and was surprised by the snort that the lady beside him let out. She straight up started to laugh loudly. 

“Higuchi has an unhealthy obsession with the Akutagawa siblings, Gin and Tachihara are always one second from killing each other, Tachihara is a failed playboy that always gets rejected, don't let me get started on the lemon bomb man, I literally want to make a thesis on his insanity, you have a hat collection that costs more than all your cars and a full walk in closet of them, and your Boss is a pedophile, oh and also Ryunosuke is obssessed with Osamu, but giving the cycle of abuse he gets a pass, he still weird tho” She said raising her fingers counting all the little quirks that Chuuyas coworkers had. 

“Well, you have the number one freak, the suicidal bastard! Also your greatest detective can't figure out public transportation, the tall and blond one has borderline OCD or a bad case of anxiety, your Boss talks to cats, the psycho doctor is a masochist, the blond kid talks to cows, you have a literal entity that lives on your mind, also you like pickles that's sick, literally disgusting.” He said mimicking her by lifting his fingers and counting. She just had her mouth open in surprise, she didn't expect Chuuya to keep her little game going.

“ Oh… we might have a pedophile, but what in the incestual fuck is going on with the Tanizaki siblings huh? Our siblings at least have a normal fraternal relationship!” he said pointing a finger at her, and she lifted her arms up accepting defeat, she knew the moment the Tanizaki siblings were mentioned, the war was lost, that shit was weird. 

They both looked at each other in shock about all the things and information that was spilled in this morning coffee, and then they bursted out laughing. Chuuya threw his head back, keeping his hat in place activating his ability, and she had her arms folded on the table and her head buried in them, both of their laughter could be heard from the outside, they even got shushed by the owner as if they were in the library. 

She wiped the tears that fell from her eyes from laughing too hard and rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I missed this” She whispered and he hummed in response. 

Chuuya noticed she kept looking at the clock on the wall and on her phone, once in a while, in a discreet way, as if she didn't want to pressure this to end but it was obvious for him that she had another thing to do. 

“Do you have work?” he asked frankly and her eyes opened wide in surprise. 

'Don't lie to him' Lilith said in the girl's mind, reading what she was thinking of doing. For some reason a part of her did not want Chuuya to know what happened yesterday. 

She let out a sigh and looked at the small window that was at the side of the room.

“Yesterday Osamu came to my apartment kind of drunk and said what he wanted, kind of…” She whispered, as if she was telling her parents that she had failed an exam. The emotion of guilt was closing her throat. 'Why do I feel so guilty?' she thought to herself. 

“And what was that?” Chuuya asked, looking straight at his cup of coffee. He was not dumb, he knew that the conversation that he and his former partner had yesterday just pushed Dazai directly to her, Chuuya had shot himself in the foot, because he just couldnt be a complete ass to a the only person who had called him a human being while a teenager. 

“He said… a lot of things, but it looks like we are going to try to date. We are going on three dates and after, we will decide if it's worth a shot” She said softly, glancing slightly at the man beside her, she could see his eyes become softer and sadder focusing on the empty cup of coffee he was holding onto. 

“Makes sense, Dazai has never gone on three dates with the same person, so don't get your hopes up” The ginger said in a tense tone, still refusing to look at the woman who was now staring at him.

“I can't promise that” She whispered and looked at the window again. 

The Executive let out a deep breath and straightened his back. 

“It's fine, I always pick up the pieces of everything he breaks, so I'll put you back together, so go on and throw yourself off that cliff, go have your fun with him, it won't last long, and I will be here waiting for you” He said, turning to look at her. His expression was not hard or angry, it was calm, he had a soft smile on his lips. She just stared at the gray-blueish eyes of his little lion man and kissed him on the cheek. 

They said their goodbyes and she left first, walking back home so she could meet with the bandaged detective that she knows is no good.

○○○

I put on a light and little floral dress and added an extra graphic pink eyeliner on the eyes. I had noticed that the strands of white make the colors I paint on my face pop. I know I am kind of overdoing it, I don't even know where he is taking me, and knowing Dazai, it's probably going to be weird, and I was looking forward to it. 

I was kind of glad that my ability involved something I don't have to carry and that I have naturally, carrying knives around, or a sword or a staff was fun when going to missions, but in my everyday life it's somehow annoying. I still put on a light pink leather strap with a small dagger on my thigh, you never know what's going to happen, and Dazai being as annoying as he is, it would be no surprise if someone tried to kill him. 

I heard the doorbell ring and I yelled letting Dazai know that I was coming, but of course, being who he is, he started to ring the doorbell as much as he could. 

“You have keys, you know? Why didnt just open the door and come in?” I said annoyed as I was opening the door. 

There he was with a soft smile, a black dress shirt and gray checkered pants, shirt half tucked and his usual bandages covering his body, a part of his hair tucked behind his ear, a thing he did a lot when going out. 

“Because I am a gentleman that no longer breaks into apartments” He answered and I just let out a small scoff.

“You ready?” he asked and I nodded in response grabbing my bag and getting out of the apartment. 

I turned to face him and he was just staring at me with the soft smile still on his lips, I could practically see him thinking, he looked tense and kind of stiff, which was weird cause Dazai is usually flowy, almost slippery, it always felt like he was floating on air, as if he was above walking around. 

“You okay?” I asked him, giving him a concerned look, he must have noticed me reading his body language because he dropped his shoulders a little and he relaxed the fingers on his hand. 

“Of course, you look pretty, I always like when you wear eyeliner that is colorful or in different shapes” He said, putting his index finger on my chin and lifting it up so I was looking up to him. I am pretty sure I blushed, I hate that he has the type of face that makes you wonder if you made him up in your imagination. I could just whisper a 'thank you' and started to walk toward the stairs, his footsteps following behind. 

“What are we going to do?” I asked him as we walked through the busy city, we were on the commercial street, a lot of restaurants, different types of shops and cafés surrounding us. Once again I was reminded of the presence the man walking beside me has, everyone, and I mean everyone looked at him. Some more obvious than others, and I couldn't blame them for wanting to take a glance at the handsome detective that walked like he owned the city. He got the loving looks and I got the frowns.

It wasn't like last time, I can handle the disapproving glances, it might sound a little egotistical, but I have a literal spiritual entity within me, what do they have? Still I was unconsciously playing with the rings in my hand in anxiety and I felt Dazai's hand brushing into mine, I looked up to him and he gave me a playful wink and I smiled. He took my hand and intertwined our fingers, indirectly forcing me to stop with my little soothing ritual. 

We stopped in front of a cinema. It's been ages since I have watched a movie in a theater. 

“Pick one, we'll watch whichever you want” He said looking down at me then at the billboard with all the options. And of course I choose horror movies. I honestly love them, they are hilarious. Dazai just raised his eyebrow but asked for tickets for that one. We had like 10 minutes before the show and he wanted to buy the snacks at the cinema and I just laughed. 

“No, they are way too expensive, we are going to buy them in the convenience store and sneak them in” I said, grabbing his hand and leading him to the store, he just chuckled slightly but obliged. 

We entered the cinema again with our pockets and my bra full of candy and snacks. I would be spitting on my ancestors grave if I bought overpriced snacks. We took our seats and started to take the things out to eat. Dazai had been awfully quiet and it was slowly creeping on me. I was thankful that he had chosen to come to the movies, because I could distract myself from the silence and slight awkwardness that was surrounding us. 

The movie was about demonic possessions and exorcisms and things like that. These kinds of films are always so over the top and cheesy that I kind of enjoyed the camp of them. Things were getting bloody and “creepy” in the film and I felt Dazai putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer, and I just looked at him from the corner of my eye, he looked unfaced by the movie too, and I smiled softly as I rested my head on his shoulder. Then the possessed person started to contorcionate and walk funny and I let out a loud laugh that resonated through the whole room. 

“Are you freaking laughing?” He asked me whispering and chuckling. The look on his eyes was of surprise.

“It's just… it's pretty funny they look silly, don't you think?” I said to him while holding back my laughter so I wouldn't bother other people. 

“You…are so weird” He whispered, his face had a soft expresion, and I just frowned at his remark. 

We kept watching the movie, he now joined in my laughs or chuckles when the things got “serious” in the movie. Then I felt a slight warmth on my chest. She wanted to see. 

“She wants to see” I whispered to Dazai so he could move a little so he was not touching me directly, he frowned in disagreement but I still lent her one of my eyes. She started to laugh in my head very loudly, I started to chuckle loudy too.

“What does she think?” He asked me curiously.

“That this is a joke” I answered him putting a hand on my mouth to keep the laughs in. 

The movie ended and we barely talked on the way home, we chatted about neutral things like the weather, the movie, the people we saw around, but never about him, me, or us. It felt like he was tiptoeing in a minefield, his words and movements seemed overly calculated and inorganic, there were only a few times that he acted normal or natural. I just bit the inside of my cheek holding back the necessity of asking him what was going on. 

We arrived at my apartment, we had our pinky fingers intertwined the whole walk home. We stood in front of my door and looked at each other awkwardly, moonlight making his skin shine, his eyes still looked dark and sad, then he gave me a fake smile, and a heavy weight came crashing down my chest. The feeling of uncertainty and self deprecation opened a void on my stomach. 

We said our goodbyes and he kissed me on the cheek, I watched his back as he slowly disappeared going down the stairs. I entered my apartment, opened the kitchen drawer and took a pack of cigarettes, walked up to my window, opened it up, placed the cigarette between my lips and pinched my finger drawing a drop of blood that lit up with a violet blue flame that I passed on the tip of the cig. I looked at the moon without noticing a small tear left my eye. 

Chapter Text

It had been four days since the date. Dazai and I acted like nothing happened at work, we were talking again but it was just…kind of awkward. We gave each other soft smiles from across the room, and they were real ones, but still it felt like there was this big invisible wall that kept separating us. 

I ate lunch on the roof this time, alone with the cow that Kenji had somehow gotten up here, and seeing the sky, smelling the flowers from the garden. Chuuya was on the phone.

“I don't get why you are so worked up about it, it was a date, you went to the movies, that's how it's supposed to work” He said over the line, sounding annoyed.

“I am telling you it was weird, I have never seen Dazai that…tense and stiff it was very awkward” I said, eating my sandwich and dodging the bites that the freaking cow wanted to give to my lunch.

“Well, he is weird! Dazai is weird and off putting, he is the freaking devil, plus its not what he usually does, he is used to fucking them then leaving them, so yeah, I think he is way out of his comfort zone” He yelled as if he was scolding me. 

“Don't yell at me” I whispered annoyedly and I heard him sigh. 

“Sorry, but I don't know what to tell you. Have you asked her what she thinks?” He said in a calmer tone, I heard the ruffling of papers on his end, he must still be working. 

“This is supposed to be your lunchtime too, why are you still working?” I asked in a serious tone, and I heard him curse under his breath.

“Sorry mom… and don't be creepy and analyze the background noises jesus…” He said sarcastically and I heard him stand up, probably to get something to eat. 

“In case you can't hear, I am walking to get something to eat… also, answer the question” He said keeping the tone and I just sighed remembering the conversation I had with Lilith after the date.

… 

“Am I crazy or was he acting weird?” I asked her out loud, not caring if I seemed weird talking to myself. 

“You are not, he was acting differently, he was nervous and awkward, and distant” She answered in my head. 

“Right! I could see him get lost in his own thoughts, as if…” I said thinking in a way to describe what had just happened.

“As if he was reading and acting a script” she answered for me. 

“We didn't actually agree on a second date… do you think this is it? That he doesn't like me like that and he just noticed?” I said with sadness in my voice, waves of hurt crashing in my chest. I have to be honest, this would be my first time being rejected, after the awful past relationship that I had, I tried having others, not as casual but still, I always found myself leaving others. 

“It could be, but I see it unlikely, you see, his sadness was…personal, it was not leaving his soul, it stayed there swimming and it grew as the night passed.” Lilith told me in a soothing voice. 

…

I explained to Chuuya what Lilith and I talked about, he just hummed in response. 

“I don't know what you want me to tell you, princess. The man is a wreck and you knew from the start, still, I will hear you bitch all the time you need, but next time let's go for drinks so I can suppress my need to kill the mummy looking bastard.” He said in a soft tone, and I laughed and agreed. 

We talked about unimportant things after, eating our lunches in peace. It seemed to work, being able to talk to Chuuya again, we are indeed planning to see each other again but he has been really busy with his work and me with mine. 

“Hey” A voice came out of nowhere while I was walking down the stairs, making me throw my phone in the air in the fright. 

“I thought you didn't get scared easily” The wavy haired detective said as he catched the flying phone and passed it to me. I gave him a suspicious look and took the phone, mouthing a 'thank you' . 

“I didn't hear you coming up the stairs” I said shyly. 

'Why am I getting shy and nervous, get a fucking grip' I tought to myself and I could hear Lilith laugh at me. 

“It is one of my many charms” He said as he held his face with his hands and closed his eyes making a cute face, and I laughed, I miss his overdramatic ass.

“You call them charms, I call them reasons to get a restriction order” I responded jokingly letting out a chuckle and he just pouted his lips. 

“What did the hat rack want?” He asked, coming down the stairs with me, walking close to me even though there was more space in the steps. 

“None of your business, and don't call him that, chibi or shorty is better, it sounds cute, makes it sound like he is your boyfriend” I said fully knowing that his reaction would be hilarious, I already had a smirk on my face when I turned to face him.

Ah, his reaction was immaculate, I really wanted to take a picture. His expression between shock and disgust, almost revulsion, eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched, it looked like he wanted to throw up. 

“Wha-... how could you-... why would you even say that, I think I'm going to be sick…” he said as he dramatically threw himself on the wall sliding off on it as if the floor was collapsing, and I just laughed at him really loudly. 

“Oh come on! Chuuya is handsome, plus he is rich, wouldn't you want that?” I said as I kept going down the stairs, I heard Dazai quickly get up and chase after me.

“If he was taller and never talked I would think about it, but he is short, bad mouthed and annoying, so not a chance” He said following my joke. 

“I am short, bad mouthed and annoying” I said turning to face him, I had to look up to him because he was one step higher, and I could see his eyes grow with fear.

“Please don't ruin this for me” He said in a soft tense voice and I burst out laughing again. 

We were in the hallway poking each other's ribs and dodging one another, I miss this, this is what I want, maybe all he needed was space. 

“What are you doing on friday?” He asked me as I slapped his hand away while he was trying to poke my side. 

“Nothing, why? Want me to fix you a date with Chuuya?” I said jokingly sticking my tongue out, and he faked throwing up. 

“Let's go have dinner, I'll pick you up at 7!” He said as he entered the office without letting me give him an answer. As rude as that may seem, it gave me hope that this date is going to go better than the last one.

♥♥♥

Friday 7:30 pm, there she was standing in her little black dress and short heels. She had done her hair similar to Dazai, a strand carefully tucked behind her ear and a sparkly hair clip consisting of three hearts in a row. She texted him to ask if everything was alright but got no answer. Now she was getting nervous. She was being stood up and wanted a smoke.

7:45 pm. She walked towards the kitchen drawer where she kept her stash of cigarettes, she opened it and looked at the different boxes. If she lit one up she would end up smelling like smoke and that was not pleasant. Her hands passed on top of the options. 

Then the bell rang. 

She stopped what she was doing, throwing the box of cigarettes back on the drawer and closing it harshly. She stood in front of the door and took a deep breath. She was angry and frustrated but knew better than take it out on Dazai, it would only be counterproductive. 

 He was panting, his chest moving up and down rapidly, a conflicted look on his face. She looked at him with a serious face, her eyes were burning holes on his forehead. He had cleaned up well, wearing a navy blue suit and with a burgundy almost brown dress shirt, no tie and two buttons undone, hair as he usually styled when going out. 

“Your hair looks like mine, you should have told me we were matching today” He said between breaths, her expression was still deadpan and serious. 

“You look pretty as always, I like the glitter on your eyes” He complimented her in hopes that her cold expression would give in and give him at least a small smile.

“I'm sorry, I got caught up with some things, work things… It won't happen again.” He said, looking at his shoes. She noticed the lie, and that made her furrowed her eyebrows, but she decided that she would let her slide and talk about it later. 

“I'm hungry” was all the girl said with a neutral tone, but Dazai could still sense the anger behind it, he knew he had made a mistake and forgot that the pretty young woman that was walking in front of him always called him out on his shit. 

They took a cab since they were already late, and Dazai thanked his silver tongue and reputation for both factors that let him keep the reservation he had made in the restaurant. 

“You could have sent a message” She whispered as she looked out of the cab window, and he let out a sigh.

“I know, I'm sorry” He said, reaching for her hand, she did not pull away and he threw his head back in relief. 

They got out of the cab, and the young woman eyed the entrance of the place, big golden doors, from the windows you could see the fancy looking tables, with the expensive dressed people. She turned to Dazai and raised an eyebrow.

“This doesn't look like your type of place” She said, confusion in her voice, and he scoffed.

“Are you saying I am a cheap bitch?” He said, faking being offended. 

“Yes” She said with a poker face and the man beside her acted like he was shot in the heart. 

They walked into the restaurant and a lady led them to a table. It was in a fancier part of the restaurant, it looked like the plates were made of gold and the roof of diamonds. She felt slightly uncomfortable, as she was not used to this kind of lifestyle. She eyed Dazai as he asked for a wine bottle and some glasses of water. 

“I didn't know you like wine.” She said softly. 

“When you spend years working with Chuuya you develop a taste for it” He answered, shrugging his shoulders. She hummed and kept reading the menu, her eyes almost falling out seeing the prices. 

“How the fuck are we paying for this? Are we eating and running? If so you should have told me and I would have worn better shoes” She said covering her face with the menu so the waiter wouldn't see them. Dazai let out a laugh. 

“I love your enthusiasm for a little petty crime, but don't worry I am paying” He said confidently putting his hand on his chest, and now she let out a loud laugh.

“Honey, don't take this the wrong way, but you haven't even paid your tab at the café we go to everyday, how are you planning on paying this?” She said sarcastically, and he gave her an annoyed face. 

“I was a Port Mafia member for some years, and then an Executive for other years, you know how much money I made? A shit ton. And I couldnt touch it while being underground, then I was with the Agency and technically that is blood money, so I thought I would just use that money now, does it bother you?” He said while taking a sip of his wine and staring at her carefully waiting for her answer.

“I mean, it's not like you can give it back I guess… but pay the poor couple at the café for fucksake” She said, lifting her arms and hands and lifting her shoulders as if not caring about how the money was made, and he smiled at her, a real one this time. 

“So… I saw this movie and-” he started telling the woman in front of him.

“No, we are not doing that again” She said in a serious tone. And he looked at her puzzled. 

“I was not going to bring it up this early, but you got me annoyed by picking me up late without informing me, and then lied blatantly  in my face about the reason. So you will tell me the truth now.” She said in a serious yet calm tone, her hands in front of her on the table, her legs crossed and her face slightly lifted. She was taking control of the conversation and Dazai had no choice but to give her the ground and obliged to her demands.

“I didn't want to come” He said bluntly and she flinched for a second but then stood her ground.

“Then you could have canceled, I am a big girl, I can handle it” She said in a monotone voice. 

“It's not you the reason I didn't want to come, I just don't know how to do this, is exhausting trying to figure out what to do or say, I feel like I'm on-” He started to ramble looking down at the empty plate in front of him, his words falling from his mouth without being able to catch them, and the fear that he might make a mess crept on his back.

“On a minefield.” She finished his sentence and he looked up to her who now had her face resting on one hand was looking at him with compassion on her eyes, her anger had finally dissipated. 

“Yes… I am not used to this, and I promised I wouldn't hurt you unless necessary, and turns out I am only good at taking and destroying, because it has taken a big effort to be a normal man taking a girl out” He whispered, his eyes going down back to the plate. 

“Osamu-” She whispered.

“Are you guys ready to order?” The sweet waitress interrupted her and Dazai put on his Yozo the clown mask. 

“You were hungry, let's just eat” He said with the fakest of smile on, but she decided that it would be a good idea to eat.