Chapter Text
Aftermath
One
Loki… couldn’t sleep. The sun had long since set and the light of the moon barely broke through the cloud cover to illuminate his room. They had returned to New York after the disaster at the United Nations but Loki wasn’t sure what was annoying him more, his brother and friends hovering over him like he was about to crack, or the nightmares that now plagued his sleep. He was leaning more towards the mother-henning.
He rolled onto his back, staring at his ceiling. He wished his mind would stop focusing on what had happened. He didn’t want to think any more about the time he spent as Thanos’s captive but… After Nebula had played one of his torture sessions to the assembly, he couldn’t get the images out of his head. He’d been experienced phantom pains as well ever since. On the few occasions he had slept, he’d made sure to soundproof his room so no one could hear him should he scream.
Realizing any attempt to sleep was a futile effort; Loki climbed out of bed and pulled on a night robe. There was no point in trying to sleep now, he would only continue to toss and turn anyway. He may as well put his insomnia to good use.
He crept down the hallway and into the room he used as his study. He created a few soft glowing witchlights so he wouldn’t disturb anyone else within the brownstone. He knew if Thor or their friends (family?) caught wind of him being out of bed the hovering would only become worse. He understood they worried about him and he was grateful for it but it was so damn annoying. He wished Tony and Pepper had listened and just gone home instead of taking time out of their busy lives to babysit him. He did not need a keeper!
Sitting at his desk, Loki opened the manila folder and began to scan through the papers contained within. They still needed to complete the census, Thor’s mad rush to the UN for him had left everything Thor was supposed to do incomplete. Flipping through papers, he found the document detailing the small portion of Tønsberg they had been given. The whole of Tønsberg was one-hundred and seven square kilometers, or about forty-one square miles. Of that they’d been given… a little over five square miles. Loki scrubbed a hand down his face and fought back the wave of nausea the knowledge produced. Asgard had once been home to millions of people and now… they would be lucky if even one thousand had survived.
It didn’t take long for Loki to become dejected at the numbers and names. There were so many whose families had been completely decimated and the number of children who were now orphans… it made him sick.
How many would have survived had if I had just left the Tesseract in the Vault? he wondered. It’s my fault so many are gone. I led Thanos straight to us.
Disgusted with himself now, he pushed away from his desk with a slight growl. At the moment, he almost wished Thanos had killed him when he broken his neck but then again this was somewhat poetic. Having survived, Loki was forced to face what he had done to Asgard and her people. His torture at the hands of Thanos and his minions was a pre-justice he supposed, punishment for what he hadn’t yet done.
Loki sucked in a breath as phantom pain rushed through his body, so intense he may as well have sustained injury again. He gripped his chest when it tightened; making it almost impossible to breathe and he swore he could taste blood. After a moment, the tightness passed and he could breathe again.
I’m all right, he thought. I’m okay…
* * *
“You are not okay.”
Loki blinked up at Pepper, not having noticed her approach. She was scrutinizing him as she bounced Morgan on her hip.
“Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Yes,” he replied. It was the truth. Now if she asked whether or not he slept the whole night, that was a different story.
The look she sent him said she was clearly skeptical of that statement. “How much did you sleep?”
Damn it! “A few hours.”
Pepper sighed, “Loki—”
“I’m fine,” he insisted. “I’m having a small bout of insomnia, it’ll pass.”
“You’re having nightmares.”
How the Hel was she so intuitive? Loki knew she was mortal yet at times she seemed to exhibit preternatural powers. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
There was the look of skepticism again. Readjusting Morgan in her hold, she took a seat across from him. Morgan pushed against her mother until Pepper turned her to face Loki, after which she giggled and exclaimed, “Ki!”
Loki reached across the table to allow Morgan to grab one of his fingers. “Hello sweetheart.” He could feel a good amount of his anxiety melt away. Norns, Morgan wasn’t even a year old and she already had Loki whipped. He would do anything for her.
“Now, let’s try this again,” Pepper said. “You aren’t sleeping and when you do you have nightmares.” Her scrutinizing gaze roved over him. “Are you eating?”
“Pepper—”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
“I have been eating,” he protested.
“I’d be surprised if you were having more than one meal a day.”
“Sure, we’ll go with that.”
“Loki,” her admonishing tone made him think of his mother. “I don’t need to have you develop an eating disorder.”
“I’m not going to develop an eating disorder and, as a matter of fact, I have eaten today.”
“What did you have and when?”
“I had a bagel and some fruit for breakfast.”
The eyebrow she had arched at his previous statement somehow managed to rise further. “Huh, well would you look at the time?” She stood, rounded the table and dropped Morgan into his arms. “It’s time for dinner.”
Loki glanced at the papers on the table. “I still need—”
“Work can wait. Dinner, a good night’s sleep and then,” she gathered the papers and tucked them under her arm, “then I might let you have these back.”
Pepper walked off and Morgan cooed from her place in his lap. Loki stood and adjusted his hold on Morgan before beginning to follow Pepper. I knew I should have made copies, he thought in regards to the papers Pepper had taken. Loki’s work had essentially been taken hostage. “Your mama is scary,” Loki whispered to Morgan who only giggled.
“I heard that,” Pepper called back.
Loki sighed but continued to follow her. As they made their way through the corridors of the Avengers facility he caught a glimpse of the lifeboat that had brought the remainder of Asgard’s people and the Gladiators to Midgard. The sight gave him pause and caused an overwhelming sadness to invade his chest. His eyes burned and his vision blurred as he took in the sight. He had done this. He had been the one to bring Asgard so low. If he hadn’t allowed his weakness to take over and left the Statesman in the very beginning—
“Ki.”
He glanced down at the infant in his arms to find Morgan watching him with wide brown eyes. He glanced once more at the refugees mingling out by the lifeboat. He was going to do everything he could to see they were prosperous. He would even argue his case before Thaddeus Ross again if he needed to. While Norway had been gracious enough to grant them land, there was still the financial aspect of building a country to consider. It might be time for Loki to cash in on some investments he’d previously made on Midgard.
“Ki,” Morgan said again. She waved an arm behind her, “Mama.”
Loki saw Pepper watching him with a look of concern on her face. “It’s not your fault,” she said.
“I’m more to blame than I care to admit,” he replied as he finally followed after her again. “Because I held the Tesseract, I led Thanos straight to them.”
Pepper waited until he caught up to her then began walking by his side. “Maybe, maybe not. Who’s to say Thanos wouldn’t have come across the ship even if you had left? It’s possible things could have gone much worse had you not been there.”
Worse as in Thor might have been killed. As soon as Loki had recognized Thanos’s ship they had begun the evacuation. Knowing Thor, his brother would have fought to keep his people safe and gotten himself killed in the process. That very thing had nearly happened as it was, it’s why Loki had done what he had. Thanos always left half of his victims alive and Loki had known he would not escape the Titan’s wrath.
Such knowledge was why Loki had made the decision he did, to try stabbing Thanos. He had not expected for the action to work, instead expecting for his imminent death to follow it. Between the two, Thor was the stronger and had had a better chance of defeating Thanos. In the end, while Thanos had achieved his goal, Thor was the one to take his life.
“Thor would have found a way. He would have survived regardless.”
“He may have survived but would he have lived?”
Loki… hadn’t thought of it like that. When he had made the decision to sacrifice his life to save Thor, he hadn’t really thought his death would have any affect on his brother. Thor would have eventually moved on and forgotten about Loki. He wouldn’t have missed him.
Wouldn’t he though? a little voice asked and he recalled the sensation of being held as his consciousness had faded. Or would he have completely lost himself to drink?
It had only been by some miracle he had been found by Tony and Nebula and the vertebra in his neck realigned to allow his seiðr to heal him. It was all thanks to Tony that Loki had survived and it had taken months for Thor to believe Loki had returned. Thor’s drinking had gotten out of control and it was something his brother continued to deal with. If Loki hadn’t come back… he hated to think what state Thor might have ended up in.
The added stress of the returned Asgardians and having to build a new home was daunting to Loki and he had dealt with his trauma—
Have you though or are you just ignoring it?
Shut up, he mentally snapped at the inner voice. No one asked you!
His trauma was over and done with. It had happened years ago and, while the vivid reminder from Nebula had opened old wounds, he was fine. Besides, that it had even happened did not matter. The remnants of Asgard had suffered more than Loki ever had. He would do his best by them and Thor, no one needed Asgard’s Black Prince to lose his mind… again.
Was he Asgard’s prince anymore? Contrary to what Thor thought, Loki was not Æsir and had never truly belonged to the Golden Realm. He’d been nothing but a blight and—
“Loki?”
Loki blinked and turned to meet Pepper’s concerned gaze. He silently cursed himself for becoming lost in his own mind. Focus, he thought angrily.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “lost myself in thought.”
“It’s all right. You do have a lot on your plate.”
Nothing more than he could handle. Loki couldn’t afford to let the remnants of Asgard down.
Haven’t you done that already? It’s your fault Asgard has been reduced to these measly few.
Shut up!
He followed Pepper in silence as they made their way to the living area of the facility. He spotted Romanov in holographic conversation with Tony’s friend Rhodes and she waved at them as they passed.
“Sit,” Pepper said once they entered the shared kitchen of their combined living quarters. Loki did and placed Morgan into the highchair beside the table. Pepper put the folder on top of the refrigerator then began to putter around. Loki eyed the folder and slowly rose.
“Don’t even think about it,” Pepper said, her back still turned to him. “You are not allowed to do any more work until you’ve had a decent meal and a good night’s sleep.”
“Do you have any idea just how much work needs to be done?” Loki asked. “We still need to complete the census.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “We need to gather clothing for everyone, find them temporarily living quarters. The lifeboat that brought them here is much too crowded,” even though their numbers were smaller still. He felt his eyes water as his frustration grew, “I have no idea how we’re going to pay for all of it.”
“Don’t worry about the money.”
“What do you…” Cold dread entered him. “Pepper what are you talking about?”
“Tony and I are taking care of the money,” she replied as she returned to the table with a plate and bowl in hand.
Loki’s eyes widened in shock. “You can’t be serious? Pepper that’s— that’s too much. We could never accept that.”
“Too late.”
Loki’s stomach rolled and the sight of the simple grilled cheese and tomato soup she had placed in front of him had him swallowing back the urge to vomit. “I know you’re rich but you can’t finance a country.” Neither could he and Thor to be honest. What were they going to do?
“Maybe not a whole country,” she conceded, “but we can provide financial support in getting your people squared away.”
Even that seemed excessive, especially with everything they had done for the brothers already. “It’s still too much.”
“It’s already done.”
“I just wish you had spoken to Thor or me first.”
“You both would have refused and we would have done it anyway. You’ve had a lot on your plate lately and we wanted to try and alleviate some of the stress.” Her tone softened, “You try and act as though what happened didn’t effect you but it’s stupid to think it actually didn’t. You aren’t sleeping and you’re barely eating.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“I know. You’re burying yourself in work to avoid dealing with it.”
No, he was burying himself in his work because there was a lot to do. It had nothing to do with him wanting to ignore what was done to him, not one bit. “There is much to do.”
“Yes,” she agreed, “but you don’t have to do it all right now and you most certainly don’t have to do it alone.”
“I’m not doing everything by myself.” There went the eyebrow again. “I’m not,” he insisted, “Thor is working with Valkyrie and the people to get things organized. There are… more orphans than I care to think about.”
“Thor is helping but he’s not the one speaking to the world leaders.”
“I know as king he should be but he needs to be with the people. Besides, he still suffers…” Loki sighed, “No matter what I say you’re not going to agree with me.”
“I’ve had practice,” she said and began to feed Morgan. “You and Tony are a lot alike in that way, the idea that you have to do everything on your own.”
Because if I don’t make myself useful, you’ll have no need of me. The traitorous thought entered his mind before he could stop it. I still have so much to make up for.
Resigned to his current predicament, Loki took the sandwich Pepper had made for him and began to eat. Pepper watched him out of the corner of her eye while she fed Morgan. Like all infants, Morgan ended up wearing her food more than eating it. Loki was proud of himself for managing to finish his meal. Even though his stomach protested with every bite.
He sat and watched Pepper feed Morgan for a while longer before standing to excuse himself. He planned on rescuing his confiscated papers but that plan was quickly derailed by Pepper.
“I’ve already told you, you’re not getting those back until tomorrow. Now, Morgan needs a bath and guess who’s going to give it to her?”
“Me?”
“Ki,” Morgan exclaimed, clapping her gooey hands together.
Pepper smiled, “See, I knew you were smart.” Her smile dropped as she began to remove Morgan from her highchair. “Look, I’m not trying to make light of what happened and I know you have a lot on your mind too but,” she perched Morgan against her hip, “you don’t need to pretend what happened doesn’t bother you because it clearly does. You also don’t have to do everyone else’s work either. Thor can hold his own although I’m a bit leery of the new girl, Brunhilde.”
Loki blinked at her in confusion, “Who?”
“Brunhilde, dark skin, she wears the silver and face paint.”
“You mean Val? She told you her name?” Loki was impressed. “Thor and I spent months trying to get her name but she never told us.” He wasn’t going to attempt to call her Brunhilde. He did value his life after all.
“It wasn’t hard to get from her, one woman to another. Natasha and a lot of alcohol helped. That woman has a drinking problem.”
“She was sobering up but that was more out of necessity, and lack of alcohol, than any sort of willingness.
“I’ve noticed the withdrawal symptoms. Tony had them when he quit drinking excessively and we’ve both watched Thor suffer. If she’s going to be a leader, she needs to get her act together.”
“Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall. Actually the wall would listen better.”
Pepper smiled and, like before, plopped Morgan in his arms. Instantly he was wearing part of her meal. “I know it’s not my place when it comes to how you govern your people but I care about you and Thor and I want you to succeed.”
“I know and we do appreciate the help.”
“How did you meet her anyway? She doesn’t seem like any of the other Asgardians I’ve met.”
“She hasn’t been to Asgard since the Valkyrie were killed by Hela. We met on a planet call Sakaar, I fell there after Hela threw me from the Bifröst.” He was unable to suppress the shudder the memory caused. When he had finally landed it had taken Loki far too long to regain his bearings. He’d feared he had somehow ended up back on Sanctuary.
Loki forced the memory aside. “She had been there for centuries, millennia actually. Time on Sakaar is strange. In order to survive she had become a Scrapper, someone who hunted others for the Grandmaster’s pleasure. She found me, managed to subdue me with an Obedience Disk and sold me to the Grandmaster as his slave.”
Pepper came to a halt so suddenly that Loki ended up walking past her a few steps. When he turned back the fire in her eyes actually frightened him.
“She,” Pepper’s voice was low and deadly, “sold you into slavery?”
Loki felt his stomach drop as he realized his mistake. “It wasn’t quite like that. Yes she did sell me but the Grandmaster thought I was pretty and—”
“So not just slavery but sexual slavery?”
Loki felt suddenly clammy and light headed. “He never touched me like that. I managed to talk my way into his good graces and didn’t need to do that.” He’d heard and, unfortunately, seen what En Dwi liked to do with and to his partners and Loki had wanted no part of it. However, if had been between that and death he would have done whatever he needed to survive. “It was survival Pepper. Besides, it’s not anything I haven’t endured before.” His time on Sanctuary had been more than enough.
“None of that is any better Loki.”
“She captured Thor too and did the same thing except Thor was taken to be a Gladiator. If none of that had happened we never would have found Banner and no one would have been warned about Thanos.”
Though the fire had not left her eyes, she no longer looked as though she was about to beat Valkyrie to a bloody pulp. They continued on in silence and once Morgan’s bath was ready, he stripped her soiled clothes off and placed her in the water. Loki knelt beside the tub want watched Morgan splash around. He also used his seiðr to make simple objects form in the water for Morgan to run her toy longboats through.
Loki rested his head on one arm while he watched her play. She giggled happily, calling his name if he wasn’t fast enough to give her a new obstacle and on more than one occasion splashed hard enough to get him wet. Loki wrinkled his nose as the latest wave she created somehow ended up going up his nose. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” he grumbled. As a way to help keep her entertained, and him less likely to get wet, he began to tell her a story.
* * *
Pepper returned to the bathroom a short time later after having gathered Morgan’s fresh clothes. The task had given her time to cool her anger towards Brunhilde. She had not known the woman long but Pepper prided herself on being a good judge of character. She had known something was off about “Natalie” when they had first met Natasha though she doubted the other woman knew that. Pepper had been blind to Obadiah, something she still chastised herself about but that was more a case of her not wanting to see that someone she had trusted for years would try to murder his surrogate son.
Pepper had had no such reservations about Loki even with what she had been told about him previously. He may be good at keeping his feelings hidden behind a mask but it seemed no one ever watched his eyes. Loki’s eyes were some of the most expressive she had ever seen. He practically wore his heart on his sleeve but if no one was looking the truth could be easily hidden. No matter what Loki told her, that he was fine, Pepper knew differently. Loki was hurting but he was trying to act as though his trauma was not important.
Loki’s smooth voice reached her ears before she saw him. She smiled fondly and when she was close enough leaned against the door frame to the bedroom area. Morgan had finished her bath and Loki was dressing her in a fresh diaper. He was telling her a story as he worked, as indicated by the miniature figures battling above Morgan’s head.
Clearly he was more exhausted than he had let on as he was not speaking in English, but Asgardian, as he wove his tale. Pepper didn’t know the language but she had picked up a few words here and there. She knew of Old Norse and subsequently the Scandinavian languages which evolved from it so small internet translation services helped.
“…Og Óðinn sigraði Hinn Illa risakonung og tók með sér hina dýrmætu kistu þeirra fornra vetra og skildi Hinn Illa konung eftir máttlausan. Miðgarðsmenn björguðust og Óðinn og Æsir urðu þjóðsögur meðal manna.”
The figure she assumed to be Odin held his arms up in triumph, standing on the back of a larger blue figure whose expression was that of defeat.
Not wanting to interrupt them but knowing Loki was practically asleep on his feet, she said his name to get his attention. He blinked slowly at her, “Eitthvað að?”
“It’s past your bed time,” she said, referring to both infant and god. She gave Loki the fresh clothes then once she was dressed, picked Morgan up and smiled affectionately at Loki. “Go to bed.”
“Ég þarf að klára—”
“Loki,” she interrupted gently, “I can’t understand you. You’re not speaking English.”
He blinked at her and his eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Auðvitað er ég að tala ensku.” He paused, groaned then brought up one hand to rub at his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be however this does help make my point. You need sleep.” His mannerisms reminded her of a child, one who was in desperate need of a good night’s sleep. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Time for bed.”
“I really do have…” Loki trailed off when she gave him her best unimpressed mother look. His eyes darted away and she saw a pink tint across his cheeks. Clearly the look worked just as well on stubborn adults as it did actual children. Good to know.
“It will keep,” she said. “The world will not end if you don’t work out the fine details until morning. I know there is still a lot of work to be done but you will not be doing your people any favors if you run yourself into the ground. There’s also no shame in asking for help.” The look she gave him now said she was speaking of more than just building the Asgardians a new home.
“They have suffered greatly, lost their home then had more killed when the Statesman was attacked and even more when Thanos used the Stones. They deserve some sense of normalcy.”
You’ve suffered greatly too, Pepper thought. She suggested (strong armed actually) he come stay with them until Thor finished what he was doing. No sooner had he sat on the couch than Pepper heard soft snores coming from him. Finally. After placing Morgan in her crib she draped a blanket over Loki. She would have preferred he sleep in his bed but she would take what she could get.
Deciding to catch up on some light reading, she sat on the opposite couch and began to go over some of the financial papers for Stark Industries. She and Tony had both put the idea of helping the displaced Asgardians before the Board, highlighting the humanitarian aspect of it and also how the good PR would benefit the company. Truth be told neither she nor Tony cared about the PR but if it helped get the Board on board then she wasn’t above such manipulation.
When Thor did finally arrive he appeared just as exhausted as his brother but he was also in higher spirits. Pepper shushed him and Tony as soon as they walked through the door.
Both men grimaced, “Sorry,” Tony said, “definitely not trying to wake the baby.”
“Not just her,” she replied, gesturing to Loki.
“Is he finally sleeping?” asked Thor. Pepper could hear the relief in his voice. She knew Thor had been worried about his little brother.
“He wouldn’t have lasted much longer as it was,” Pepper said quietly. “When he was giving Morgan her bath, he started speaking in Asgardian without realizing it.”
As carefully as he could, Thor lifted his brother into his arms. Loki mumbled something Pepper couldn’t decipher but thankfully didn’t wake. She watched them go and hoped Thor would take the time to catch up on some sleep as well. He wasn’t quite as stubborn as his brother when it came to work so she didn’t think she had to worry too much there.
Once Thor was well out of earshot she addressed her husband, “How did things go today?”
“Not too bad,” Tony replied, collapsing into the seat next to her. “We’ve finally gotten the living situation all figured out so no one is stuck staying on the space craft anymore.”
“That’s good to hear.” She put the papers she had been looking over aside. “You’ve been keeping an eye on Thor?”
“Yeah. He’s been occupied enough that he hasn’t tried to drown himself in alcohol. That Valkyrie woman though, wow. I thought I had a drinking problem. She’s mentioned to Thor that they need something to drink but I’ve made sure the compound is dry. Nat and I agree on that. We don’t need Thor to backslide. How’s Loki doing?”
“I almost wish he had a drinking problem. He’s not sleeping and he’s barely eating. He’s convinced himself what happened to them is all his fault and that it’s his responsibility and no one else’s to make it right.”
“Then there’s the nightmares.”
Pepper hummed. While Loki had done his best to hide it, they both knew he was suffering some significant nightmares. Originally they had asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to keep an eye on him at night by monitoring his vitals but Loki had done something to keep her sensors from doing even that. Sometimes Pepper hated his magic.
“He should see a therapist.”
“I agree but he seems like the kind of guy who would say he doesn’t need it or he doesn’t deserve it.”
“It might be beneficial to turn the tides, have Thor convince him of the merits the same way he did for Thor. But, I also feel like the more we try to push the subject the more he’s going to resist. Loki is stubborn that way.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“It isn’t as though he doesn’t know the benefits of seeing a therapist.”
“We’re just going to have to remind them both that they have support and that they are not alone.”
* * *
When Loki awoke sometime in the middle of the night, for the first few terrifying moments he did not know where he was. Once he gained his bearings, and realized the weight holding him was his brother wrapped around him like an octopus, he was able to calm the fear that had spiked. He silently berated himself for a few minutes, he had nothing to fear and no reason to dwell upon what had happened to him. It was unimportant and only got in the way of him doing what needed to be done.
Slowly and as carefully as he could, he extracted himself from Thor’s arms before silently creeping from the room. No sooner had the door closed behind him did he hear Tony’s AI ask, “Shouldn’t you be sleeping Mr. Loki?”
Loki groaned internally. Of course Tony would have his fancy computer keeping an eye on him. “I have slept enough.”
“By my estimate, you have only slept for a total of eight hours—”
“Eight hours, more than enough sleep.”
“Over the past three days.” Somehow the AI’s voice sounded unamused. “Even for an Asgardian, I doubt that is anywhere near enough.”
“I’ve stayed up longer before.”
“So has the boss but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.”
He really did not have time for this and to be scolded by an artificial intelligence… “I’ll sleep when I have the time.”
“There’s nothing going on right now. Most of the compound, minus security, is asleep.”
Loki kept walking. “I’m sure Tony and or Pepper told you to keep an eye on me but I’m telling you not to. I’m fine, there is nothing wrong with me. I simply have a lot of work to do. I don’t need a keeper. If you should be monitoring anyone, it should be Thor. There is nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly healthy.”
“Physically your health is beginning to deteriorate and will continue to do so until you receive adequate rest and nourishment. Your mental health has declined as well, especially in light of the events at the United Nations.”
Loki didn’t know why he was arguing with a computer program but something in him would not let the matter drop. “None of which is important. So long as I can help the Asgardians—”
“Your people.”
We’re they though? He wasn’t Asgardian, never had been. Granted he had naively believed he was for over a millennia, it didn’t change the fact that he was just a monster hiding in civilized clothes. He didn’t even qualify as a person. He was nothing more than a domesticated beast, one who needed to be of service to its master.
Stop that, he berated himself silently. I’m more than the beast I was born as.
Deep down, Loki knew he didn’t believe that.
Deciding to ignore F.R.I.D.A.Y. for the time being, and the fact the damn AI was right, he made his way outside to where the lifeboat sat. It was smaller than he remembered and the scorch marks on the outside spoke of the harrowing journey through space. It was a miracle Thanos had let them escape.
As he passed he ran a hand along the hull. Loki gave the craft a silent thank you for bringing the remainder of Asgard’s people safely to Midgard.
They wouldn’t have had to flee their home if you hadn’t destroyed it.
What choice did I have? He asked that annoying internal voice. It was the only way to defeat Hela.
You didn’t have to take the Tesseract on your way out.
It wouldn’t have been destroyed in the explosion.
You don’t know that. You simply wanted the power back in your hands. The voice deepened and he shivered when that mocking internal voice sounded like Thanos. You led me straight to you little king.
Spinning on his heal, he strode across the concourse toward the lake. The moonlight from the last of the waning crescent was just bright enough to allow him to make his way without having to create any witchlights. Loki wasn’t sure he even had the energy for such a simple spell. Yes, he was exhausted but that didn’t matter in the face of building the Asgardians a new home. He could rest once they were prosperous again.
The water lapped gently against the dock and the sound was more soothing than he would have imagined. Loki sat in one of the chairs and felt his body practically melt onto the piece of furniture. A sliver of moonlight reflected off the lake and he allowed his mind to go temporarily blank.
His peace was short lived when not much later he heard footsteps stumbling across the dock. Internally Loki groaned, of all the people he did not want to deal with right now, it was Valkyrie.
“There you are Lackey,” she said, her voice much too loud for the time of night. “I thought you’d finally run away.” She sat heavily on the arm of the chair, nearly tipping them both over. In her hands was a nearly empty bottle of pungent liquid.
“I have been busy.” He refrained from giving in to the urge to push her to the ground.
“Doing what?” She took a swig of her drink. “Pretty sure they’re not going to let you try conquering Midgard again. Heard about that,” another swig, “so the question is, why are you still here? You were all too eager to abandon everyone and I’m surprised you stayed on the Statesman as long as you did. At least, based upon what I’d heard.”
“I don’t care what you may or may not have heard. I’m not going to abandon them and I’m not going to leave Thor to do everything on his own. He has enough to deal with already.” He eyed the bottle. “Where did you get that?” He was fairly certain they had emptied the compound of all alcoholic beverages.
Valkyrie held her bottle and looked at it as though seeing it for the first time then a wide grin split her face. “I found this great pub not too far down the road.”
A pub? Out here?
“I guess it wasn’t really a pub,” she continued, “but there were quite a few people there and this stuff tastes absolutely disgusting but,” she shot him that stupid grin, “it gets the job done.”
Loki scrubbed a hand down his face. Oh Norns please me him she didn’t break into someone’s home. “There are no establishments that serve alcohol around here.”
“Like I said, it wasn’t actually a pub. More a shack in the woods and they made the alcohol with some strange contraption. I was surprised by how well they could hold their liquor.”
“Moonshine?” Loki stood which caused the chair to lose its balance and Valkyrie tumbled to the dock. She let out an indignant, “hey!” and was distracted enough to allow Loki to snatch the bottle from her hand and dump it out into the lake.
“What the Hel Lackey, that was mine!”
“No, it is an absolutely vile drink and I will not have it anywhere near Thor. And don’t call me ‘Lackey’.”
“Thor’s fine. Actually he would be a better drinking buddy. Better company too since he won’t throw away perfectly good booze.”
“The last thing Thor needs is alcohol and you need to sober up. You accuse me of running away when you’ve been hiding out on Sakaar for the last several thousand years. Asgard could have used the Valkyrie but you ran away to become nothing more than a drunkard and slave trader. Your sisters would be ashamed of you.”
Valkyrie stumbled to her feet. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve seen your memories. Hela slaughtered your sisters but you ran away before the battle was even finished. You abandoned them to save your own skin and you think you have the right to judge me? I came back to try saving as many as I could, which apparently included your worthless ass.”
She swung out at him but her level of inebriation threw her aim completely off and she ended up nearly tumbling into the lake. “You don’t know anything Lackey. You don’t know what it’s like to lose everything. You’re a Norns damned prince. What do you know of pain, you who had everything handed to you?”
I know more than you think. “Being a Prince of Asgard did not mean having everything handed to me. I had to work for what I had.”
She scoffed as she righted herself. “Right, it must have been such a burden to order the servants to do your bidding.”
Loki refused to continue this conversation. “Don’t drown in the lake. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience the Midgardians any more than we already have.”
“As if you really care.”
“About the remaining Asgardians and the Midgardians I now consider family, I care a great deal. About you, not so much.” He paused at the beginning of the dock. “Because of you, the remnants of Asgard were saved from Thanos’s wrath. You’re a hero to them, a role model to what few children there are left. Don’t let this,” he gestured at her current state, “be what they think to emulate.”
With nothing more to say, Loki made his way back toward the compound. He wasn’t entirely sure what time it was but he knew sleep would not come to him for the remainder of the night. Not because he wasn’t tired, truth be told he was exhausted, but there was still far too much work to be done. Pepper may have confiscated his papers but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything he could do.
Back inside, Loki pulled up several detailed maps of Tønsberg, each showing different aspects of the village, electrical lines, sewer systems and roadways to name a few. Many of the buildings there would have to be renovated and new structures built if it was going to accommodate its new residents.
Damn, Loki thought as a reminder from earlier entered his mind. Their new settlement would need a name. That part shouldn’t be too hard, Thor seemed to have his heart set on “New Asgard”. Not necessarily original but it wasn’t terrible either.
The other, harder, part would be outlining the government. Only a fraction of the Council had survived with almost none of the nobility. Actually now that he thought about it, the Councilors and Thor were the only nobles to have survived, the rest were common folk.
Contrary to popular belief, Asgard had not been an absolute monarchy. While Odin had had final say on a lot of things, certain things were kept in check by the curia regis. Loki feared what little remained would attempt to control all of Thor’s decisions. He recalled half of those who had remained wanting to make for Vanaheim instead of Midgard. They thought the Midgardians too far beneath them and not advanced enough to help. Luckily they had been overruled on that front.
Before he knew it, the sun had begun to peek over the horizon and the sound of the compounds inhabitants rising for the day could be heard. He had made a good amount of progress in outlining each aspect of their new government as well as brainstorming “New Asgard’s” layout. He was quite pleased with himself.
“Please tell me you haven’t been awake for long,” Thor said upon seeing him.
“I haven’t been awake for long,” he replied.
Thor sighed, “F.R.I.D.A.Y. how long has Loki been up?”
“Mr. Loki left your quarters at approximately 2342 last night and he has not returned to sleep since.”
Loki glared up at the ceiling. “I told you to stop monitoring me like that.”
“Apologies Mr. Loki but only Mrs. Stark can override that directive.”
Of course she is, he thought.
“I will inform Lady Eir that you have not been taking care of yourself,” said Thor.
“I’m taking care of myself just fine,” Loki replied, trying to keep his rising anger and annoyance in check. “There is no reason to burden her with something as inconsequential as my health.”
“In—” Thor sputtered, “inconsequential? Your health is not inconsequential Loki.”
“It is when compared to what your people have gone through and need done.”
“They’re your people too.”
“I know,” he rubbed an eye with the heel of one hand. “How is the census coming?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I thought we were talking about the people.”
“No, we’re talking about your health.”
“Something I don’t quite see the point in fretting over. I’ve told you and Tony and Pepper that I’m perfectly fine. You would do better to worry over something more important, like making sure your people are taken care of. Speaking of which, you might want to make sure Valkyrie didn’t drown in the lake last night.”
“Loki,” Thor took a seat beside him, “I know the work you’re doing is important and I do appreciate everything you’re doing but please don’t let it take over your life. You’re making yourself sick, please get some sleep and eat a real meal.”
Guilt flooded Loki, he had been trying to alleviate some of the pressure from Thor’s shoulders but instead he had caused his brother to worry more than he should. “I’m sorry,” he said, organizing the papers in front of him into a pile to give his hands something to do. “I’m not trying to make you worry but I…” his heart shuddered in his chest, “I can’t sleep.”
Thor laid a hand on his arm, “Brother—”
“It’s not what you think,” Loki said before Thor could say more than that one word, “it’s not that I don’t want to sleep, it’s that I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes...” an involuntary shudder ran through him. “I… I’m back on Sanctuary.”
Instantly Loki regretted his words. How could he admit to such a weakness? He turned his eyes away, not wanting to see the disappointment and shame on Thor’s face. He couldn’t understand how Thor could still consider him his brother. Loki wasn’t, and never truly had been. There was no shared blood between them. How could there be? Loki was a monster and Thor… Thor was what all Æsir children looked up to, Loki was the monster under they were told to fear.
Thor’s hand moved from his arm down to grip Loki’s own hand. “Brother,” Thor began hesitantly, “what happened to you the year you were gone? You’ve never told me the full story.”
A fear so intense washed through Loki and he was afraid he may pass out. He shook his head fiercely, “I can’t—” Thor may not claim to feel any shame for Loki’s weakness but should he ever learn the means by which Loki broke… Thor would hate him for all eternity and Loki was weak enough to admit, to himself at least, that he couldn’t lose the connection he had to his brother. No matter how fake their relationship was.
“All right,” Thor said, he squeezed Loki’s hand. “You don’t have to tell me but I think you should tell someone. Doctor Silva has helped me more than I could have ever imagined. Maybe you should speak to someone like that too?”
“And what would I tell them? Thor, I’m not sure I know how to describe what happened or even if I could.” He sighed, “What does it matter anyway? It happened years ago and I shouldn’t feel this way anymore.”
“Something I was told is, these feelings I have that came from my trauma can last for years, especially if they’re not treated.”
If Loki were actually a person and not simply playing at being one then maybe what Thor said would apply but since he wasn’t a person…
“Will you at least think about it? I won’t force you but I think it would help you more than you realize.”
“I’ll… I’ll think about it,” he said and chanced a glance at Thor. The relief in Thor expression at so simple a promise twisted Loki’s heart. He couldn’t continue talking about this, not now. “About the census?”
“Right,” Thor sighed. “It is nearly complete. There aren’t too many people left to account for and there aren’t as many Gladiators as I’d thought. All told between us all, there are probably about a thousand of us left.”
If Loki hadn’t felt sick before he sure did now. “One thousand?” he asked just to be sure.
“Including the Gladiators, yes.”
That was even worse. Asgard had once been home to millions and to have been reduced so drastically… “The Æsir are on the verge of extinction.”
“I know but we’re not gone yet and with the chance to rebuild our numbers will grow again.”
Not the way they should and with so few of them left, eventually the blood of the Æsir would fade from the Nine entirely. Loki most certainly couldn’t contribute to the regrowth of the population. He wouldn’t poison the bloodlines with his monstrous blood.
“What are you thinking?” Thor asked after a few moments of silence.
He couldn’t tell Thor what was running through his mind. His brother would only argue with him. “Just how daunting a task we have ahead of us.”
“We’ll get through it.” Thor stood and gave Loki an awkward hug then pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Please allow yourself to rest. I hate watching you not taking care of yourself.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are.” Which said so much about how their relationship had grown. There was a time Thor would never have taken him at his word. “And I know you’re working hard to help our people but I still don’t want you to sacrifice your health to do so.”
Loki nodded, returning the awkward hug. He watched his brother leave then returned to his work while also wondering how hard it would be to rescue the paperwork Pepper had confiscated (taken hostage) the night before.