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Chapter Text

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Chapter Text

Never let it be said that Loki is an innocent person. In all accounts of the word he was not; that was clear to everyone including himself. He had committed terrible, horrific acts whether he was in his right mind or not at all. Some days he could still feel the fog. Nevertheless he had single handedly caused destruction and death to two realms in he nine, not to mention the treason against asgard.

It had never been his plan when he let go that short year ago to end up here. He had planned to die, to finally be at rest in helheim. To finally give Odin the satisfaction of truly living up to his life's destiny. To truly be the jotunn runt that was left to die in the cold. Sadly, the norns had other cruler plans and made him a broken marnette plucked from the void and tortured into submission.

When the beast had beaten him into the concrete ground, which most definitely hurt, it had shaken the others grasp on Loki's consciousness enough for him to fully sever the connection. Not that the side effects had fully wavered. They still made their presence known, pulsating headaches, exhaustion, pain and all.

Now standing with Thor and his companions he readied himself to be brought back to asgard and be handed to the allfather on a golden platter. He was tired. He was just so tired. He wanted it to be over. Thor was chatting with his friends bidding them farewell, Loki presumed, he could hardly hear any coherent sentence over the maddening ringing in his ears.

Silently, he wished Thor could hurry the interaction so that he could serve his sentence sooner and then…finally…have peace. His feet and legs were aching and he was finding it hard to breathe by the time Thor turned to him and said something Loki could not hear. Before Loki could grab ahold of the device that was meant to transport them back to Asgard a maelstrom beam of colours struck down in front of them blinding everyone in the vicinity in the process.

When the light disappeared and near everyone regained their vision an equal curiosity filled the air. Before them stood a single court messenger, the all fathers private messenger at that, and two of the all fathers most trusted einherjar warriors. Consciously Loki trained his eyes over the new asgardians looking for clues on why they have been added to the equation.

The messenger held two tightly wound scrolls from the royal court—messenger, scrolls, royal court—. With the realisation of what was about to happen Loki's breath halted and his heart fluttered. Panic spread across his features even though he tried to keep his emotions at bay. He was to serve his sentence here, he was not to die. He was to be cast out, disowned, abandoned, alone. He was meant to be alone.

The worry and anxiety welled and hericanned in Loki's head as Thor held a brief conversation with the two warriors and the messenger handed out the scrolls. The movement felt automatic as Loki grabbed the starchy textile scroll and bowed as an effort to thank the messenger.

It felt like an eternity had passed as Thor disappeared back to asgard with the other asgardian and loki was left there chained and muzzled. Carefully as if the scroll was the finest, thinnest, most delicate, fragile piece of glass Loki carefully peeled up the closer. Delicately in order not to break the odinson family seal. Unravelling the scroll he read every word.

He focused on every pen stroke, every letter. Even reread the text to make sure what he was reading was correct. By the fifth time, his fears were confirmed. The letter read:

Loki, Traitor of asgard;

For your crimes against the realms Jotunheim, Midgard, & Asgard you are hereby sentenced to banishment from asgard, disownment from the royal family of asgard–the house of odin, forfeit all parental rights to the children fenrir, jomungandr, sleipnir & hela, are not permitted any contact with the royal family, asgard, or said children, and assist the midgardian ‘avengers’.

— The royal court of asgard & The house of odin

It was ridiculous that such a short invoice has left him questioning if this was real, to leave him in this much heartbreak. Loki could care less about half of his sentence but not to have contact with his mother or his children, to not have the right of a parent to HIS children. That hurt. Of course odin would do this.

He had to hit Loki where it hurt, he had to show how much loki had left to lose and take it swiftly away. It wasn't enough to murder Nafi and Vail. It wasn't enough to cast Hela into helheim, barely able to stand by herself. It wasn't enough to steal away Sleipnir and keep him as his personal steed. It wasn't enough to cast Jormungandr out of asgard. It wasn't enough to imprison and shackle Fenrir. It wasn't enough to limit Loki's contact with mother at a young age.

It was never enough, till now, and only now because Odin has taken the last things he had allowed Loki in the past couple centuries away. If he didn't have a reason to die before, he sure as Hel did now. He didn't know how long he had stood there blankly staring at his scroll in shaky hands but he could feel the avengers eyeing him. Everything seemed far away, distant, not real. But it was real. Stuck in his inner turmoil he didn't even notice the man of iron walts over to him, he only realised he was there when he stole loki's scroll from his light grasp. “Whats got you so–” the man of iron didn't even get to finish his sentence as Loki reached to grab the parchment from the smaller man and let out a surprised noise.

After a few moments loki deemed it pointless and stopped trying to repossess his last sentiment of home and walked a few feet away from he iron man. After a few more moments loki watched as the iron man—by Odin's beard he needed to learn these people's names—hand over the parchment to his teammates. Probably to laugh at together later, when Loki was locked away and out of sight.

Now standing next to him the man of iron looked more neutral, less sarcastic and arrogant. “From what Thor said, which I take with a grain of salt, you never had many close relationships” he started looking away from Loki at the landscape ahead of him. Loki didn't know if the iron man expected him to reply, because he really couldn't. Not with this metal gag in place.

Turning to Loki, the man looked almost sympathetic. “I'm sorry you lost your kids and your family” was the last thing loki heard before feeling a sharp poke in his neck and his eyesight fading to black.

Chapter Text

The first thing Loki released when he at last escaped the thick fog of his head was there was a steady low beep. His head felt as if it had been stuffed with cotton and rocks, weighing down his every thought. Lulling his head over towards his left, he saw blurred colours and shapes that he could not make out. Was it all a dream? An illusion? Was he still on sanctuary? Closing his eyes, he blocked out the light that was becoming blinding.

It felt like a million suns were placed a mere metre from his eyes. Deciding to try and block the light further, he attempted to lift his hand. The movement was slow and strained, even painful which wasn't unusual. He felt the numbness of his body as he lifted his arm. The pins and needles spread all throughout his being, making him feel as if he was floating. Like he did in the void–no, don't think of that.

The slowed lifting of his arm was abruptly stopped by a strained pull of an unknown restraint of some kind. Lulling his head to the right he attempted the same movement with his right arm. This time it was less painful, but still numbed. Again, it has been hindered by an unknown restraint.

Giving up, he focused on his senses and what had happened, where he could be, anything. His mouth was dry, and he felt a slight nausea settle in as the cotton in his head started to wear off. As he came more to he heard and felt more. He could hear his breath, that steady beep, and murmuring somewhere not too far away.

He could feel something fuzzy and loose around his wrists and ankles. He could feel the starchy but smooth feeling of cloth draped over him. He could feel plaster, wrappings, tubes & wires upon his being. He could feel that he was lying on something soft. This couldn't be on sanctuary. HE never was nice enough to let Loki drift asleep after he or his other tormenters used him. No, he was somewhere else, still not safe, but somewhere else.

Lost in thought, Loki had not even realised that two people had entered the room he was currently contained in. He only noticed when he felt the warm touch of one of their hands on his own thin, cold skin. Reopening his eyes, he blinked away the blurriness and squinted, trying to focus on seeing to see who these beings were.

Reading their energy it told him they were relaxed and calm. That they meant no harm. Loki chose to not believe that, it had lied before. “Mornin' Rudolph, how you feeling today?” the shorter more casually dressed being–no, midgardian, he was on midgard, said. Who was Rudolph? Was he Rudolph? What even was a rudolph? The thought of the ridiculously sounding word caused him to laugh a bit.

Though it came out as a low giggle. His face still felt slightly numb but he attempted to repeat the silly sound like a disobedient child. “Roooo-da-fff” he muttered with a smile and closed his eyes again. He felt so weightless, like nothing mattered. “Still happily drugged I see” the shorter man snorted which was followed by a light slap.

That made Loki flinch, but he's guessing the other man that came with the shorter one slapped him. The two men sat down and talked to Loki and each other for a few minutes about pointless amusing topics. The shorter man said more funny words for Loki to copy which brought his amusement. Words like blubber, wishy-washy, and loki's personal favourite frippery.

The delightful chatter continued on but soon loki realised, when the cotton had cleared–when the drugs wore off–when he remembered where he was. What he had done. What he had lost. Coming to that realisation, Loki stopped laughing, he stopped smiling, he stopped chatting.

He had to find a pathway back to Asgard. He was to argue his case with that old fool to at least let him see his mother and kids. That slow steady beating picked up as he attempted to free his wrists. He needed to protect his children. He felt like a painful weight had been placed on his chest making him breath in shallow rapid breaths. Screw asgard, he should be dead.

The two men were on both sides of the bed trying to restrain him. Their grips were tight and unwanted. They were saying things he couldn't hear over his own heartbeat and thoughts. He needed to get to his kids. There was a new person in the room. The man that came with the shorter one was calmly giving orders while keeping Loki's arm restrained.

The new person tried to place something over his mouth and nose, before they could he abruptly turned his head and screamed at them all “LET ME GET TO MY KIDS!”. He yelled it over and over before the calm instruction giving man gave the new person an order he could not hear. But he did feel the pin-prick in his shoulder.

After a few more quieter pleads, pointless attempts to free his arms, and twists of his head to avoid the muzzle he felt…calmer. He gave up trying to get free and let the mask–not muzzle be placed on his face. The two men loosened their grips but kept them in place. Loki could feel tears he did not notice before running down his cheeks. He could hear the fast paced beep slow down to the rhythm it was at before.

The mask made his breaths come easier and less painful. The overwhelming anxiety and need he felt calmed to a more manageable level after a few more deep breaths he was constructed to follow by the order giving man in a calm voice. “That's it, deep breaths, your okey, your safe” he said in a calming tone.

It reminded him of mother and gave him a melancholic feeling that settled in his gut. The unknown person who gave him the pin-prick left and the two men let go of his wrist and sat back down when they deemed Loki calm enough. Loki felt ashamed and embarrassed by his blatant display of disobedience and womanly hysteria.

No true man would wail over the loss of his kids, his children weren't even gone he just couldn't see them again. He was pitiful for acting so womanly, if he was on asgard and reacted like this the all father would have surely had him whipped and isolated. He truly was an ergi, arka, eldhusfifl, monster, worthless, and every other thing anyone had ever said about him.

Swallowing his pride he apologised. “Apologies for my lapse in control, I should have never let my womanly hysteria control my actions. I accept any punishment you see fit.” he stated slowly, clearly, and calmly like he was raised to do. He may not be a price of asgard anymore, he never was, but he was still raised as one.

Loki started and assessed the ceiling tiles waiting for the two men to reply or carry out the punishment. The air felt uneasy and suspenseful. He had counted 26 ceiling tiles before anyone spoke. “Loki, you lost your kids and your family” the man paused, gagging Loki's reaction to his words. When he saw Loki was still calm he continued. “You are in all your rights to feel the way you do, especially all that happened to you”

Even with the calming drug still racing through Loki's consciousness, those last words made his breath halt and his heart skip a beat. His eyes widened and his entire body stiffened before he composed himself again. What did they know? How did they know? Did they know everything or only some details? How did they find out? His thoughts raced for a moment before he gripped to the present.

He needed to find out what they knew. “What could you possibly mean by that?” he questioned in his most relaxed tone he could muster. Studying the man's face he read uneasiness, concern, and worry. Strangely enough he also read sympathy and understanding. The other man, the shorter one, who has not spoken since his episode reached over and grabbed Loki's hand.

This was unexpected and strange. Loki let his eyes drift from both men to his hand which was currently in a soft gentle and warm grip. If he had never fallen into the void and stay on sanctuary the act may have been comforting. Loki lifted his gaze back to the man who spoke before. His eyes wide with questions and anxieties. “We looked back at the footage collected when you first arrived on earth–or midgard–to the time we sedated you and brought you back here.”

Again he paused and gaged loki's reaction before continuing. “When we brought you back, I guess your glamors as thor called them fell and we saw the extent of your injuries from the battle…” he looked uncomfortable and shifted in his seat, he didn’t look loki in his eyes as he continued. “...and from before you came to midgard, as we treated your injuries and analysed the footage we realised the extent of your situation.”

Now Loki was the one who couldn't look either of the men in their eyes. He felt so ashamed. He felt so embarrassed. He should have never given in to what HE wanted. He should have taken it like a man, a warrior–a prince of asgard. It wasn't even the worst he had experienced or anything he hadn't experienced before. He was so weak.

“What do you know that happened?” Loki spoke lowly. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment are clear in his tone. The old him would have held onto his pride and spit venom into their faces. The old him would insist that they were wrong and knew nothing, no matter the proof. But he was not the old him. He had no pride, he had no status, he had no dignity, hel he didn't even have his innocence anymore.

The calm man spoke in an unthreatening, understanding tone. “We know that you tried to commit suicide on the rainbow bridge, we know that you have been tortured, abused, raped, and mindcontroled, and we know how asgard treated you.” They knew it all. Everything. His face was burning with humiliation. He was a failure. A failure as a son, as a brother, as a parent, as a prince, as a warrior, and as a living thing in general.

They sat there for a while in uneasy, uncomfortable silence. The shorter man never let go of his hand in an act of unspoken grounding and comfort. He had so many questions, but his mouth wouldn't voice them. He just opened and closed his mouth trying to form the words one by one, trying to form a coherent sentence. What was to be done with him? Did Thor know? Who else knew? Where would he go from here? Who were these people?