Chapter Text
They sat the lawyer at the table in her father’s library. Something about the old and stuffy air in there felt appropriate for the occasion and most importantly, it happened to be one of the only parts of the house not cluttered with children’s toys.
Her mother had hurried to bring tea and biscuits. Mr. Potoki appeared to have expected to receive refreshments; he’d taken his time, settling his briefcase on the floor and making smalltalk about the books he recognized and the kind of weather they’d had lately. Once served, he elected to indulge on the tea first; and then the snacks, citing his long journey.
“You’re a difficult man to track down, Mr. Skywalker. If I may suggest, setting up a permanent residence on your records might be beneficial for you in the future.”
Anakin wasn’t eating. Or drinking for that matter. He stared unblinking across his teacup with crossed arms and a sharpness in his eyes that seemed tailored perfectly for the stern lines of his face. It was quite impressive how effectively he could exert his will without saying a word.
She’d been tempted, at first, to simply slam the door in the man’s face even though she knew the compulsion to be beyond silly. The matters of the laws were inescapable – you could reject the messenger but never the message. She’d worried how she’d break the news to Anakin and where exactly his mind might run with it but as it turned out, this matter, too, was out of her hands. Anakin hadn’t needed to be summoned. The moment she had invited Mr. Potoki inside, he’d stalked out of some doorway, though whether he knew what was it about or not was up in the air. She could never figure out just how far his abilities went and she had the distinct impression he much preferred it that way.
All that aside, he’d taken the news rather well. Perhaps that had been a mistake on her end: assuming troubles made him fragile in the way that an old building was fragile. With the threat of collapse hanging so heavily you could feel it leaking into the present moment before the first brick even fell. That was not his nature, Sola had been learning. Whatever sensitive, tender flesh Anakin nursed at his core was buried deep under layers of steel and bone.
She was reminded that he’d been a prominent Republic General. Upsetting news or not, he did possess some capacity for professionalism.
Faced with poignant silence, the lawyer cleared his throat awkwardly and got to the point.
“I understand that this is something of a surprise to you. Certainly, in most circumstances it would not take this long for a will to be processed but due to the… situation, we required the state approval. It was quite a tricky scenario, you see – in Naboo’s law, you usually cannot collect inheritance from someone whose life you’ve taken.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Sola saw Padmé lean against the table, reaching subtly for her husband’s hand. They did not need to share a look; a squeeze of their entwined fingers seemed to be all the communication necessary.
“I believe those laws specifically refer to first-degree murder.”
“So they do,” he agreed lightly. “Second-degree as well. I know that the charges against Mr. Skywalker have been dropped but given the ongoing investigations into the Chancellor’s dealings, the matter passed into the hands of the state regardless and they were very much inclined to seize the assets. The War, you understand, emptied the royal treasury quite successfully and the Royal Houses don’t much like the idea of their titles passing to an off-worlder. Let alone someone lacking a certain… pedigree , so to say. I believe the Jedi Order also wished to personally investigate the Convergence – House Palpatine’s ancestral home that is – and seize any potentially harmful objects but their appeal was processed and rejected at the time, given their involvement in the case.”
“At the time,” Anakin repeated tightly. “What about now?”
“Any further investigation on the property will require the owner’s permission.” Mr. Potoki gave Anakin a thoughtful look from beneath his bushy eyebrows. Satisfied with what he found, he clicked his tongue. “You shouldn’t worry – the legal concerns of the property have already been handled for the most part. There are no ongoing issues to be concerned about. You’ll need to sign a few documents first, of course, and they’ll have to be processed but–”
“–Right, I get it. When was this will written again?”
He tried his best to sound casual but Sola didn’t miss the way her sister’s hand tightened in another gentle squeeze, her delicate bones jutting against the skin.
“Let’s see… something over a decade ago, I think? There had been some minor changes, but I believe that the Chancellor had clearly intended to leave his assets to you for some time, indeed. That had swayed the Court’s decision on the matter quite heavily. Did you not know?”
Anakin’s jaw twitched ever so slightly but otherwise he might as well have been carved from stone.
“What assets are we talking about here?”
Sola exchanged a look with her father. With a solemn headshake, he signaled to her to leave it to the lawyer so she did.
It was a question no citizen of Naboo would feel the need to ask. The Royal Houses did not deal with the matters of inheritance the way regular citizens did; they hung onto their prestige above all other aristocrats precisely because they consolidated power. To scatter their treasures and properties among many would be generous certainly, but not smart. Instead, they chose a single heir – to inherit everything. For Naboo’s aristocratic children, this was the drive to involve themselves in the world of politics early. To prove themselves. To evoke dignity and prodigiousness. They’d either get everything or nothing at all. What greater curse and greater blessing than to be chosen?
Anakin couldn’t know what the three of them had known from the beginning, though. She could see the slow realization on his face as the lawyer started listing and didn’t stop.
By the time he received a stylus and a stack of flimsy, he looked nothing short of overwhelmed. He scratched his name on the appropriate part of the form and then stopped and stared blankly. Next to him Padmé and her father both looked like they desperately wanted to snatch the stylus out of his hands.
Mr. Potoki cleared his throat.
“Shall I give you some time to discuss in private?”
“Please,” Padmé asked.
Her mother rose from her chair elegantly.
“Let me show you the gardens, Mr. Potoki. You ought not visit Lake Country without experiencing the nature here.”
The moment he was out of sight, Anakin turned towards Padmé.
“What’s my personal registration number?” He whispered furiously.
Padmé had been about to say something but the words on the tip of her tongue had been exchanged for a look of surprise. She licked her lips.
“Your… personal registration number? Ani, are you going to sign this?”
“...Should I not?”
“I thought you might not want to,” she prodded carefully, reaching for his hand again. “You don’t need to accept this, you know.”
“And you certainly don’t have to decide immediately. You can take some time to think things over,” her father jumped in. “It’s never good to sign anything in a rush.”
Anakin considered that with a frown but he allowed Padmé to take the stylus from him.
“I thought that only applied to contracts.”
“Everything is a contract of some kind, love.” Padmé pulled the sheet of flimsy closer, flipping through the individual pages. “Especially coming from politicians. Never agree to anything without first reading the fine print.”
She scanned through the pages so quickly that Sola doubted she was even retaining anything, let alone reading the fine print but she supposed Padmé knew just what to look out for, being a member of the exact demographic she was cautioning Anakin against. Some kind of catch, she supposed, something that would stand out. No doubt Padmé was not inclined to trust Palpatine, even if she would not admit it so bluntly.
Sola had no experience in the matter, but she could not disagree with the sentiment.
If it was from Palpatine, it likely was a contract, somehow. Through the act of transaction, the giver and the receiver are forever linked – that was what her father always warned about. Even an honest act of generosity could function as a leash, if you allowed it to bind you.
She thought that for Anakin, this would be a temptation he didn’t need.
He put an end to Padmé’s furious browsing with a gentle tug at her wrist, freeing the flimsy from her grip.
“I don’t see the harm. If I don’t take it, someone else will.”
“The state probably,” Ruwee mused. “And then from there, the other Royal Houses will split it among themselves. Some of it will maybe tickle down to the people, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. It’s just how these things work.”
“Right. I’d rather take it and give it to someone who deserves it.” Anakin sounded more sure of himself now, like he’d found his commitment. “There’s a lot you can do with this kind of money.”
“A charity?” Sola suggested. “That’s a sweet idea. There’s quite a lot of them here on Naboo.”
He blinked as if that was only just now occurring to him.
“That’s certainly an option.”
“What were you thinking?” Padmé prodded.
“Nothing… concrete, really.” Anakin deflected with a touch of something she could only call shyness , of all things. “Just some ideas. It’s not important, we can decide later.”
“ Uh-huh .” Padmé sounded deeply unimpressed; she waited a few beats to see if he’d elaborate then sighed, silently accepting that he would not. “Alright, but is it worth relying on Palpatine’s money? You can’t tell me there’s not some baggage attached to that. Don’t just think about what you can do with it, think about yourself too.”
He stared down at the documents, topped with the half-filled front page. His hand half-heartedly reached for the scarf; just before he could start tugging at it, he caught himself and let it drop. A weary silence wound itself around the open question – weary, because Sola thought that it was obvious to everyone looking in that the resignation on Anakin’s gaunt face was already an answer.
“I have a friend who works in law back in Theed,” her father started slowly, leaning back in his chair. “He’s a Professor at the Veruna Law Academy. Perhaps I could let him take a look, just to make sure there’s no hidden loopholes. You certainly don’t want to inherit any debts he might have had, for example. And I couldn’t help but note that while he left you all of his assets, he didn’t leave you the title. That’s rather unprecedented; if any of his properties are connected specifically to House Palpatine, distant relatives could contest your claim.”
“That’s reasonable.” Anakin allowed, unhappy. “I would rather avoid going to any more courthouses, if I can.”
“You can get it done while I’m in Theed,” Padmé suggested like she’d been waiting on it. “We can go together and Ani can have about a week to think about it.”
Padmé, Sola thought, was such an optimist.
For a moment, she thought Anakin might use this opportunity to push for accompanying Padmé to Theed again but he didn’t comment on it. She wondered if it ever occurred to him.
It was a good plan, in any case. Sola knew their mother would probably be reassured by the fact Padmé wouldn’t be traveling alone and it let them give the lawyer a rough time frame.
He’d been happy enough to let them take some time; the way he looked at Anakin, Sola thought he probably just wanted to make a good impression. Realizing that someone felt that way about her brother-in-law was a strangely entertaining train of thought.
She did not know why she decided to go with Anakin when he accompanied the man to the door; she simply knew that at that moment, she didn’t want him to be alone. Padmé and their father had stayed with the documents, presumably impatient to start discussing whatever honest thoughts they couldn’t voice before but as much as Sola wanted to hear what they had to say, she felt like this was more important.
Just before he left, Mr. Potoki stopped and settled his briefcase against the floor, working at the clasps with the professional ease of someone who had done this same routine a hundred times.
“I understand you don’t want to immediately claim the assets, but before I go, I must inform you that there are a few items that our late Chancellor requested that I deliver personally. I have them with me today, if you’d like to take a look…?”
For a moment, Anakin glanced at Sola as if in search of guidance; before she could even think of saying anything, he already came to a decision.
“Go ahead.”
The items in question were not anything much: a handwritten sheet of flimsy with his final regards, a holoprojector with a single image of Palpatine with Anakin in his early teens at some kind of celebration and an intricate pyramidical object made from a dark metal.
Anakin’s skin went a few shades paler and he stilled completely, as if his body was suddenly submerged in icy water. Sola didn’t think he was even breathing.
Mr. Potoki held the open briefcase in an offering for a few long moments. Then as his arms started shaking, he grew somewhat annoyed.
“You don’t have to accept today, of course. I simply wanted to inform you.”
It was only then that Anakin remembered to hurriedly accept. His hands were fumbling and unsteady and he held the objects away from his body as if he expected them to detonate at any moment – Sola didn’t miss that. A sense of unease yanked at the pit of her stomach.
“No need,” he said and his voice was strangely tight. “I’ll take them.”
“As you wish, just sign here…”
“Want me to hold anything for you?” Sola offered but he ignored her completely. He shoved the flimsy and the projector into the pockets of his loose coat; with the strange metal shape still in a white-knuckled grip he awkwardly scribbled his name on the offered datapad.
Sola shuffled nervously. The moment the lawyer finally left and the door closed behind him she could not contain a sigh of relief.
“Well, that was something. Do you think he actually needed those signatures or was he just too dignified to ask for an autograph?” She joked.
“Mhmm,” Anakin acknowledged her distractedly but his full attention was on the thing in his hand. He looked at it like it was a disgusting curiosity and he wanted to dissect it. She’d seen this exact kind of look on biology students before. What she didn’t understand was what prompted it now .
Curiosity got the better of her and she shifted just the slightest bit to get a closer look. It didn’t seem like much of anything to her. A paperweight, maybe, but it must have held some meaning for him.
“What is it?”
Snapping back into the present, he snatched the object away from her protectively.
“A reminder.” He scowled and shoved it in the pocket with the rest. “Nothing you need to worry about. Excuse me.”
With that, he was off in a hurry, his long, dark coat trailing behind him like a shroud.
〰 〰 〰 〰 〰
Padmé tracked her down later. Sola had put Pooja to bed and just closed her daughter’s bedroom door behind her and there her sister was, waiting in the hallway with her arms crossed.
“Would you go on a walk with me?”
“Certainly.” Even at this hour of the day, Sola could never quite bring herself to deny Padmé anything.
They took the path to the lake, relying on moonlight to show them the way. Padmé had hooked her arm around Sola’s, forcing them to walk in sync. They passed the part of the stairs where she’d found Anakin the other day and went further down.
“The children are being fussy again,” Padmé broke the silence eventually, swiping a stray lock from her face.
“Fussy,” Sola echoed, inspecting the careful wording. “Not like the other day, then?”
“No, thank Shiraya. They’re fine if you give them attention, not crying or anything. They just won’t sleep and the moment they feel neglected, they start whimpering.”
“I mean, is that not how they always are? They’re just not good sleepers.”
A warm wind swept past them, causing the leaves to rustle, covering the sound of their footsteps on stone.
“That’s right,” she said eventually in a careful tone. “But while I’m gone, they might act out again. That’s a possibility I have to account for.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
The moonlight was throwing soft shadows over Padmé’s face. They settled heavily around her eyelids, like a moon-given kind of weariness.
“I should, should I not? But I’m not. I have to be there, I’m completely certain about that now. I was there to cast the vote of no confidence for Chancellor Valorum and wasn’t that the start of it? I got him into power. I have to be there at the end of it, to lay the tyrant to rest or I’ll never move past it. But the timing is… I don’t feel good about leaving now.”
There was an unspoken question in her voice.
“Don’t worry. I’ll look after them,” Sola assured. She’d been expecting it – there weren’t that many things Padmé would want to talk about in private. “You don’t have to ask.”
“I hate to trouble you. You have your own family and Force knows I wasn’t any help back when your girls were young.”
“You act as if it’s some terrible work. Padmé, your children are my family too, of course I’ll help if I can. Anakin, too. I don’t like to watch him struggling.”
This close, she could smell the lake up ahead. Padmé slowed down, dipping her head in wordless gratitude.
“Me neither. A part of me feels dirty for going to Palpatine’s funeral and I know he doesn’t see it that way. Perhaps that’s exactly why it feels so wrong. This business with the will… I don’t like it. It’s cruel and deliberate – certainly, Palpatine had to know as he was planning for it that if he died, it’d be because his secret got out. And it’s how they say, you’ll catch more flies with honey. His letter was so horrible…”
It was somewhat unflattering that Sola was genuinely surprised that Anakin had even mentioned the letter, let alone shown it to her. But she supposed he was trying.
“What did it say?”
Padmé just shook her head.
“It was just full of pretty words. A lot of heartfelt sentiments. He certainly knew just what to say to make himself seem irreplaceable, I can’t believe I didn’t see that sooner. And Ani takes death very seriously, not like you or me or… most people, really. Losing people is incapacitating for him.”
‘I’d have done anything,’ Anakin’s voice echoed from the shadows around them, heavy and fearful. ‘ Anything.’
Sola swallowed down the heaviness that threatened to crawl up her throat. Clearly, Anakin was harmless now that he was no longer in the position to make calls about who lives or dies. That was how she’d explained it to herself. It no longer mattered what lines he would have crossed.
With Palpatine dead, there was no danger, regardless of how sweet and persuasive he was posthumously. He could not weaponize this loss – so why go so far?
That was what Padmé had meant when she called it cruel, Sola realized.
“I imagine he’s not taking it so well, then,” she tried carefully, though she didn’t expect Padmé to do more than brush it aside with what might as well be her own private expression of pity.
“It’s just the timing that’s horrible. It’s going to stress him out. I thought, if I can somehow make things just a little bit easier for him by asking you for help, I’ll leave with a lighter heart.”
“You don’t need to worry about it at all. I’ll keep an eye on all three of them.”
Admittedly, this felt like a hefty task. She understood by now, despite how diplomatic Padmé had been about it, that Anakin’s illness was not just a physical thing and navigating it felt like trying to build without quite knowing the laws of physics governing her work. She couldn’t know what would stick and what would bring the walls down on her until the moment she did it. But if she could somehow alleviate her sister’s anxiety, she would take those risks.
In the end, Padmé would build her own peace of mind – Sola saw now how foolish it was to assume that that was something another person could grant you – but these small things she could help with.
“Please. I’ll sleep easier for it,” she said, gracefully stepping off the last step and onto the sandy beach. “I think Ani’s fond of you, you know. Mom and Dad intimidate him a bit. Anyway, I’m only asking in case he can’t look after the twins on his own for some reason. Between their – ah – moods and his health and now this , I felt like it’s safer to plan ahead but I don’t want to put him on the spot.”
“Is he now?” Sola felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips. Privately, she had thought that the opportunity to make a good impression had slipped past her fingers for good; there was that itching feeling that she’d failed him in the course of their conversation and she had the strongest impression that Anakin was not keen on giving second chances.
Or maybe he was.
“Does that surprise you? I’ve never known anyone to dislike you.”
“Well, not dislike maybe… I don’t take the risks you do. I can’t say I’ve even had trouble with people but… I’m not exceptional . Nothing like – you know – nothing like the two of you.” Padmé looked at her with a small frown so Sola felt pressed to add: “And I don’t mean this in a self-deprecating way. I’m truly satisfied with who I am. It’s just truth of the matter that my life is very different from yours.”
Her sister’s frown relaxed and she looked at her with amused disbelief.
“It truly seems so. Sola, take my word for this, but among ambitious high-achievers and their crowds, there is nothing more exceptional than kindness. And I mean true, uncomplicated kindness. I appreciate it more than I can say. We both do.”
She sounded so earnest that Sola didn’t know what to say. In the warm night, she felt somewhat vulnerable and bare. The intensity of Padmé’s appraisal of her character filled her with a restless energy, like her skin was being overwritten with standards she couldn’t possibly keep up.
What could she say to that? More than anything, she felt disturbed by just how delighted her sister was by the bare minimum.
“Huh. The more you say, the more I wonder about life on Coruscant. Was basic human decency truly that hard to come by? Guess that’s why things are the way they are now.”
Padmé seemed taken aback by the change in topic. The sound of her footsteps in the sand slowed and Sola matched her pace.
“It wasn’t bad, or well, not exactly. There were many decent people – good people, even. My team was wonderful and I love Bail with all my heart. And… others , though their names wouldn’t mean much to you. But even with these few precious people, things just seemed so… bleak, for quite some time. I don’t know – have you ever felt like you simply didn’t have the words to talk with someone? All that kindness, but it was delivered through a glass wall. I’m not making any sense, am I?”
“It was the War. I’d imagine it’d be hard to unwind and be honest with each other, when you have all that tension around you.”
“That played a part, I’m sure. We grew detached. I think this is why I dreamed of coming back here from the beginning. In my mind, I thought Naboo might just… reset things and I wouldn’t have to think about it much.” She slowed down even more until she came to a stop. With a thoughtful precision, she turned to face the lake. The wind cast small waves along the surface, disturbing the moonlight reflected there. Sola had to admit that it made for a pretty sight.
“Sometimes, a hard reset is exactly what you need. There’s no shame in it.”
“I know. Things seem clearer now. When I’m in Theed – Mom said we should let one of the aunties host us, by the way – I’m going to look for a job.”
She phrased her statement with full confidence. Sola felt her own heart lighten a bit – this was exactly in line with the Padmé she’d known.
“I see she finally got her way with the aunties. She’s just waiting to show off the twins, you know. She was going to invite them over and all. Anyway, what kind of job are you thinking of?”
Padmé shrugged.
“I’ll speak with some people first and see where I’m needed. It doesn’t really matter what I do, just that it’s meaningful – and not too consuming. I’ve learned my lesson there.”
Sola had her doubts about that; these kinds of lessons tended to take a while to learn, with steps both forward and backwards. But at least while the twins were young and she had her hands full, she imagined Padmé would truly be perfectly satisfied with something more modest in terms of a career.
“I’m sure you’ll find something. Naboo’s lost quite a few public servants lately, so there should be a few empty spots.”
“Don’t even start. It’s an embarrassment. If I was still in the Senate, I’d have been mortified.”
“I am mortified. I had to find a brand new logistician and now I have Geeb .”
Padmé laughed at her.
“Oh, come on. Is he that bad?”
“Well,” Sola considered playfully, “he is getting me a Republic warship. The previous guy would have told me to get bent if I asked him to get me one. No wonder he turned out to be a treacherous bastard.”
“So you’re going with that design then?” Her sister asked as they started heading back. “It’s a good one, in my opinion. It has a message.”
“The message was the most problematic part of it, honestly. That’s why I struggled. It’s… delicate. I’m still not fully settled on the specifics, but I’m certain I want to use the ship. And I’ve been thinking – while I was doing research I found some examples of Clone art. I want to take inspiration from that.”
“I see,” Padmé hummed thoughtfully. “That’s a wonderful idea. I think people could certainly use a reminder that the Clones are people. And that they won the War for us. There are a few crucial legislations that still need to be passed.”
“That’s exactly it. I thought from the start, I’d like to celebrate the people – on both sides of the War. Not the soldiers. I don’t think we need more of that.” A good memorial, in Sola’s opinion, should not draw on the traumas and the glum parts alone. When you build something like that, you just add a scar to the landscape for an eternity – or until eventually someone tears it down.
Sola thought she’d rather build something that made people feel seen. Something that would neither grow into a painful reminder, nor fade out of relevance once the passage of time turned this whole mess into just one more bloody footnote in a history oversaturated with them.
On the way back, she found herself thinking of the late Chancellor once again. And of remembrance – and what it could mean to people. It really was such tricky business. Nobody liked to say it out loud but the truth of it was that remembrance of the dead should be done to benefit the living.
〰 〰 〰 〰 〰
The next day, Padmé left for a fitting with her parents at a nearby tourist settlement. The tailor was an old friend of their mother’s and he’d designed many of the outfits she had worn as the Queen. Busy though he was with the upcoming Water Festival, he was happy to accept a last minute request from his old customer.
Sola had been tempted to take a day off and go with them. She had fond memories of that little village, with its homely pubs and cottages designed to evoke the culture of early Naboo settlers. She recalled there being claw machines and stands selling delicious baked jogan fruit on a stick, along with all kinds of traditional pastries – in retrospect, everything that a little girl might want from her trip.
It had made for some magical childhood memories.
But years wiser now, she understood that this magic would not carry into adulthood. All she could think about now were the crowds, the overinflated prices and the tourist traps. It’d be worth it to see the Festival and she was tempted to take her girls when that happened — but just to wander around aimlessly while her sister got her funeral outfit designed? She’d pass.
She took Ryoo and Pooja to see the shaaks instead. The weather was nice and she tried to entice Anakin to take the twins and come along to no result. He was in a horrible mood and could not be persuaded to leave the house. He did however kindly dispose of the spider that Ryoo found in her room before they left.
Sola wondered at which point her daughters had decided that he was their emergency bug-removal service.
In any case, she’d endeavoured for a calm day. By the time they returned, overheated and mosquito-bitten from their shaak adventure, Padmé and her parents were already back with a few brand new outfits, all wrapped up and ready to be packed. The old tailor had been quick with the designs; and his droids had worked overtime to take care of the rest.
Then, in the middle of dinner, the bell rang.
Immediately, all conversation came to a halt. Sola tried to inconspicuously glance around and check if anyone looked like they were expecting visitors, though she could already guess what the answer would be.
“Well… is anyone going to get that?” Padmé cleared her throat after a moment, awkwardly raking her fingers through her hair. “I would, but I’m really not dressed for it.”
She was, in Sola’s opinion, dressed just fine, if one ignored the subtle spots where her children had drooled on the neckline of her tank top. But by her sister’s standards, that had to count as embarrassingly casual.
“Right in the middle of dinner.” Her mother groused as she stood up, wordlessly volunteering herself for the task. “How rude, who would–”
She didn’t get to finish before Anakin lurched out of his seat, spooking the twins in the process. Sola could hear the soft impact of him crashing into the staircase as he rounded the corner and was betrayed by his own momentum, followed by a muffled swear.
“Well.” Padmé repeated, annoyed now. She put her fork down and pulled the crib closer.“Shh, shh, don’t cry, please. Leia, come on… That’s a good girl. I think this narrows the list a bit – and I hope you don’t mind some guests.”
Her parents exchanged a silent look.
“In the middle of dinner.” Her mother shook her head with disbelief. She had that sharp, observant look again, like she understood something that Sola didn’t. “Should I expect trouble?”
“Let’s see who it is, first. But if I’m right… then no. They’re like family.”
Sola had to admit she was a little bit curious; and her intrigue only grew once she actually saw the guests.
Jedi Master Kenobi she recognized from the holos, though the man looked a bit more haggard and worn-out in real life. The Clone and the nervous teenage Togruta were unfamiliar, however. But whoever they were, Anakin knew them well.
“What are you doing here? Did something happen?” He was hovering around the door as if he wasn’t sure if he should invite them in or slam the door in their faces.
Something passed through the young Togruta’s face.
“You’re –” She stumbled over her words. Her arms twitched like she thought about going for a hug but aborted the idea. “I mean – No. Hello. You’re speaking.”
“Yeah, well.” Anakin said, leaning on the door. “I do that sometimes. So is there an emergency or not?”
“Ah, this is more of a…” Master Kenobi started.
“ –A social visit. If you don’t mind.” The Togruta finished.
“Yes, thank you Ahsoka. If you don’t mind. It is good to hear your voice again, my friend.”
“A social visit…” Sola could not see Anakin’s face but she could see him back away from the door a bit, though he still sounded suspicious. “We were in the middle of dinner, you know. Would it kill you to announce yourself ahead of time?”
“You made that a bit difficult, I’m afraid. You should really consider adding a permanent residence to your files. Or buying a comm.”
That last part was with the pointedness that hinted that the man knew perfectly well that Anakin did in fact own a comm.
At that point, Padmé pushed past Sola, having left the children with Threepio for a few moments and Anakin wordlessly turned to her for permission. Only after receiving her nod did he finally step away and fully opened the door.
“I’ve been told that recently, yes. I had no idea I was so popular. Come on, get in.”
As if he just now realized that the rest of them existed, he gave a quick, apologetic introduction. Sola felt like everyone already recognized Master Kenobi and the Clone was called Rex, Anakin’s former second-in-command. The Togruta, whom Padmé immediately pulled for a hug. was Ahsoka, his old apprentice. All of the sudden she didn’t seem to care so much about how she was dressed; if Anakin was suspicious and on-edge, then Padmé was practically glowing.
“Lady Amidala, you are looking well. I truly apologize for ruining your dinner.”
Padmé waved him off, laughing.
“It’s alright, Obi-Wan. I’m always happy to see a friend. How have you been? I hope it was not too much trouble finding us here.”
“Oh, not at all. Senator Organa was kind enough to give me the address.”
“Then what’s the issue?” Anakin demanded, half-serious. “You come here – unannounced – and the first thing you do is start nagging me.”
His complaints got ignored.
“And you two – Captain, Ahsoka – I hope you’ve been well. I never got the chance to thank you. Without you, I feel like the results of the trial would have been a lot different.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Anakin rolled the edge of his scarf between his fingers like it was suddenly the most fascinating thing. “And actually, love, it’s Commander now.”
“Ah, sir, it’s alright, Captain is–”
“You earned that promotion, Rex. And you really don’t need to call me ‘sir’ anymore.”
Rex didn’t seem to know what to do with that. He shifted the bag he had slung over his shoulder and somehow stood up even straighter.
“Yes… sir .”
There was a heartbeat of silence as Ahsoka tried to wiggle out of Padmé’s grip, jittery and flushed.
“You really don’t need to thank us.” Her sharp canines worried on her lower lip. “But I… I mean, we…”
“Yes?” Padmé prompted patiently, one hand still on the girl’s bony shoulder. Anakin’s apprentice she might have been, but Sola could see that Padmé loved her dearly too.
“We’d like to see the babies!” She blurted out. Then, having gotten that out she seemed to relax a little. “I still can’t believe it, truly. I have so many questions.” She directed the last bit at Anakin who looked oddly abashed.
“I feel like things should be quite clear in that department.” He spoke evenly but the way his eyes darted to where Master Kenobi stood betrayed him. He was, Sola was realizing, extremely nervous – she had not considered before now how his secret marriage might have factored in the state of his relationships with the Jedi.
Master Kenobi kept his arms crossed under his robes with a calm grace as he talked with her mother but something about it nonetheless felt forbidding to Sola. She thought he might have liked to say something to Anakin if they were in private, but as it were, he seemed perfectly comfortable putting in distance between himself and the very person he came to visit.
Sola thought about it as the guests were led to the living room and she helped her mother rush to clean up the remains of their unfinished dinner.
Between what Anakin had said and what the HoloNet did, Sola had to admit she’d expected someone… different. Colder, perhaps. But from the way Master Kenobi knelt down to talk with her daughters to the way he was holding Luke in his arms once she returned from the kitchen, she was starting to feel that was not it .
“Here, support the head like this,” Padmé was instructing Ahsoka. The poor girl was stiff from head to toe, as if she thought that at any moment Leia was going to lurch from her grip like a slippery Colo claw fish.
Compared to her, Master Kenobi cradled Luke with the ease that even Anakin could not find something to hiss about – not that it stopped him from practically breathing down his neck anyway. But just for a few heartbeats, his shoulders relaxed and his face softened and she saw for the first time a hint of real affection behind the familiarity.
“He remembers you,” he muttered. Sola didn’t understand how he knew – there was nothing in Luke’s actions that would give it away – but she believed in his breathless certainty anyway.
Padmé turned in their direction with a brief look of wonder.
“Does he? He must have a good memory. I believe Obi-Wan was the first person to hold him.” Even without looking up from the child, Master Kenobi must have heard the smile in her voice but he didn’t react. In fact, he stayed completely motionless, as if each idle human movement was a waste of his focus.
“His eyes are turning blue now,” he commented, almost to himself. He lightly stroked Luke’s cheek with the pads of his fingers and Sola felt as if she was witnessing something private. Anakin certainly didn’t seem to know what to do with the tenderness; he kept hovering with a pinched expression like a distressed mother gundark.
“Not hers. Hers are still pretty dark.” Ahsoka declared, having to twist her neck to get a closer look at Leia’s face. She sniffed. “Aww, she has that new baby smell.”
It took her a moment to remember that Togrutas generally had a superior sense of smell. Sola saw both Commander Rex and Master Kenobi subtly bring their faces closer trying to confirm whatever it was she was noticing. This was finally too much for Anakin.
“Stop smelling my baby!”
“Sorry, Master. But she’s just so… tiny.” She didn’t sound particularly apologetic, nor particularly concerned. “And cute. It’s really weird to think that you were once like that too.”
“Not me.” He brushed her off, keeping his eyes strictly on what she was doing with Leia. “I was born with a full set of teeth and bit a handler within an hour of life. But they are pretty cute. They got it from Padmé.”
To her credit, Ahsoka rolled with that statement without thinking about it too much.
“Yeah, that sounds like you.”
“Of course you did,” Master Kenobi tore his eyes away from Luke just to look at Anakin with that same amazed expression. He shook his head. “You truly are a wonder, my friend.”
“Excuse me? You certainly never mentioned that to me.” Padmé demanded, the first reaction that Sola felt was appropriate for… that .
“It isn’t that important.”
“Isn’t import–” She looked desperately around the room for a hint of agreement. When their eyes met, Sola shrugged. She was not equipped to deal with the logistics of that. “I don’t know how to tell you this but if they came out with teeth, it would have sent me to an early grave.”
“I suppose it’s very fortunate, then,” Master Kenobi said and this time Sola could hear the dripping amusement in tone, “that they take after their mother. Aside from being toothless, they’re well behaved, I assume?”
There was a moment of awkward silence.
“Well…” Padmé started, grimacing.
“They’re angels.” Anakin insisted forcefully. He looked ready to snatch either of the babies away if anyone dared to disagree. “But they do drool like a pair of diseased beasts so watch those sleeves unless you packed a spare robe.”
His warning was heard, but not heeded. By the time her father came back with tea and they led their guests to the living room, there was more than one wet spot on Master Kenobi’s robe but he seemed reluctant to pass Luke back to his parents. Ahsoka on the other hand had handed over Leia first to her Clone Commander and then back to Padmé after Leia started getting fussy.
It left her arms free to awkwardly try to give Anakin a quick embrace just before they all sat down. She attempted to be casual about it, but to Sola’s surprise, he wasn’t having it. The moment he noticed her intent, his whole attitude had changed and all of his aloofness vanished. He pulled her close with an intensity that came out of nowhere and Ahsoka physically struggled to crawl out of his grip when she had enough. She cleared her throat awkwardly.
“We got you your stuff. From the Temple,” a tilt of her head shifted their attention to the bag Rex was carrying. “It’s not much but…”
“Oh. I thought the cleaning droids would have thrown it out.” Anakin tried to be nonchalant. “Did you get–”
“ –Your podracing poster?” Ahsoka finished for him, taking a seat. “You bet. And the starship model and your sketchbooks. Obi-Wan saved it all before the cleaning crew heard you… left.” There was only the slightest hesitation before the last word but Anakin didn’t seem to notice.
He turned on his heel to expectantly stare at his former mentor.
“Really? You… kept my things?”
Master Kenobi was unruffled. He wiped a trail of saliva from the corner of Luke’s mouth with his bib.
“I threw out the garbage, don’t get too excited. It was for the sake of my reputation too – the whole Temple really doesn’t need to know that my apprentice regularly goes digging through the trash compactor.”
“Well, thanks, I guess.” The expectant gleam had gone from Anakin’s eyes, along from that brief moment of cheerfulness.
The conversation they had over the tea was a light one. Mostly, Pooja and Ryoo wanted to know about battles and the Jedi and what it was like to ‘be an actual wizard’. It was the same routine they’d tried on Anakin before, but while his answers at the time had been laconic and unsatisfying, Master Kenobi indulged them with patience. Finally, Sola found a way to pry them away so the adults could talk in peace – all it took was allowing them to use her datapad for games.
“Sorry.” She apologized after they left. “They get a bit… excited.”
“Nothing to be sorry about, Ms. Naberrie. You have wonderful children. You should treasure their curiosity.” She noted that he spoke like a man two times his age – with the sadness of someone who had had and had lost.
If she had any lingering doubts about his nature, they vanished at that point.
“Obi-Wan, what are things like on Coruscant?” Padmé asked the moment the girls had left and she was free to speak of the more serious topics. “I heard the protests are still going on. How is everyone at the Temple handling that?”
Straight to business, Sola thought to herself.
“It's a bit… tense,” he admitted. “It’s not a pleasant situation, by any means, but we'll survive.”
“Master Jedi, I was horrified to hear about what one of our own had intended.” Her father bowed his head in respect; once at Master Kenobi and once at Commander Rex. “Please, on behalf of Naboo, accept my apology. And you too, Commander. Please let me know if there is any way I can help.”
“That is – ah – very kind–”
“–You’re staying safe though, right?” Anakin cut in and his eyes brushed past all three of them before they finally settled on Ahsoka. “Wherever you’re staying, I mean. How did the three of you meet up anyway? And… how did it go on Mandalore?”
“That’s a lot of questions, Master,” Ahsoka said with a weak grin that showed all of her sharp teeth. “I’m fine. Rex and I have been working with the Clone Citizenship Initiative – the boys say hello, by the way, and they’d like some holos of the Skybabies. I tried to keep my head down but Master Kenobi contacted me about… something with Maul and we ended up talking a lot of things out and well, now I’m here. And Rex came with me, obviously.”
“What thing with Maul?” Anakin demanded. “Is he still alive? I thought the Council would have executed him by now.”
“A Jedi does not kill unarmed prisoners, you know that, Anakin.” Master Kenobi said dryly but Anakin didn’t budge.
“It’s Maul, ” he said, eyebrows going up.
“Maul was… the Sith Lord you fought on Naboo, right?” Padmé asked, bouncing Leia gently. “The one who…”
“The very one.” Master Kenobi confirmed tiredly. “He’s quite the monster, I won’t deny that. But the Council felt as if there was knowledge that could be gained from him. It wasn’t a pleasant experience interrogating him but–”
“–The Council sent you to interrogate him?” Anakin cut in again, this time with outrage. “After what he did? How dare–”
“–Anakin, stop . I volunteered.”
Anakin’s anger flickered out like a streetlight after you cut the power cord. He gave Master Kenobi a look of utter disbelief.
“You did? Why?”
“I happen to agree with them. Ahsoka told me about some of the things he had said to her on Mandalore. He… had a vision, it seems, about what was to come. I believed it was worth it, in order to find out what he knows.” He picked his words very carefully, like they might jump up and bite him – or more likely, to avoid upsetting Anakin. “At the end of the day, he’s very pitiable. I ended up feeling somewhat sad for him. He’s completely lost his sanity and now he’s going to spend the rest of his days in chains.”
“I don’t. A life in chains is still more than he deserves.”
His vehemence brought with it an aura of unease. Sola saw Ahsoka fidget and glance at Master Kenobi – who in turn frowned, looking at Anakin with something like grief.
He didn’t miss the exchange.
“What?” He snapped. “You’re obviously talking around something. Either get on with it or don’t bring it up if it’s not meant for us civilians. Don't tease me.”
“You’re no more civilian than Ahsoka is.” Master Kenobi pointed out. “It’s nothing like that, in any case. It’s just that you of all people should have a little empathy for Maul.”
Anakin’s eyes went wide; just for a brief moment there was a flicker of hurt before the gates of steel came rolling shut.
“What are you trying to say? So I’m like Maul now?”
“I didn’t mean to imply that, I simply–”
Ahsoka cleared her throat.
“I think Obi-Wan just meant because of what happened with the Chancellor. And how… Maul came into his care. He didn’t really have a choice. That part.”
Most of this conversation was going over Sola’s head – she didn’t know who Maul was or what he did. And this last bit had confused even Padmé.
But what she could gain from it was that the damage had been done, because Anakin clearly didn’t find her explanation convincing. Even though he elected to drop it, there was a hard set to his mouth and for the rest of the conversation, he sank into a mulish silence.
Somehow, that made the atmosphere more pleasant anyway, as Padmé took charge. She asked questions about all sorts of things – politics, mutual friends, their personal lives – and in turn talked about herself and her family. Sola didn’t want to be unfair and blame it all on Anakin. It was obvious that it wasn’t just his end of things that was emotionally charged.
Sola couldn’t help but wonder. Padmé had called them ‘like family’, and she wasn’t blind to what that meant. Just through their roles, they’d have been the closest thing to family that Anakin could have – and it showed. There was love to be found there.
But that left her wondering: where exactly had they been the whole time?
Padmé had implied that the two of them had been pretty much on their own after Anakin got released from prison – and the fact they were not aware that he was no longer mute confirmed that.
It seemed strangely contradictory; the very way through which they spoke to each other was contradictory. Like they were trying their best to act like satellites in orbit, only occasionally brushing against each other and then at the same time grieving the separation that each circle brought.
Commander Rex was talking at this point; he spoke in fast, clipped sentences about a friend of his and his endeavour to sue the Techno Union for human experimentation and torture of prisoner of war.
Sola could see that Anakin was trying to pay attention – the Clone from the story had to be one of his men too – but he was uneasy again. His hands worked rhythmically around his scarf. He pulled at the ends and then loosened it up again. And again and again. And when that was not enough, he started bouncing his knees. Every now he’d catch himself and stop but before long it started all over again.
She wasn’t the only one to notice it either.
Her parents tried to pretend they didn’t, of course. And Padmé tried in vain to catch his eye before giving up, having resigned herself to acting the part of a good host.
But her concern was not in the same vein as the way the other three would look at him. The Commander tried his best not to look and that was what gave him away. Ahsoka looked too much and started growing restless herself. And Master Kenobi was… Sola could not figure him out.
It occurred to her that it had to be different for them.
Where she had at first only seen a polite if strange young man, these people had known him before. How much of what he’d confessed to her on those stairs could they already implicitly understand? It had to be a feedback loop; because in turn, she knew it from Anakin’s own confession that he wanted to shy away from understanding. As if that might somehow soak the terrors out of his life and leave it unmarked and fresh.
Eventually Leia started crying inconsolably and that put the end to the conversation.
“Alright, she’s had enough.” Padmé sighed when no amount of bouncing or cooing helped. Then, wiping the weariness from her face, she asked: “Would you like to see the nursery?”
The nursery at Varykino had been set up in a hurry. Previously, there had only been a single crib available and it had been used through generations. Her father had expanded it on the first day, to fit the twins – the two of them slept best when next to each other anyway. The decoration on the walls was old and faded. The little cartoonish spaceships had been there since Sola herself was a child and the glow in the dark stars had been added across the ceiling when Ryoo was born.
To Ahsoka though, that little nursery seemed like the most impressive thing. She traced the stickers with her fingers, lost in thought.
Sola watched her for a bit; and then she noticed Padmé trying to burn a hole Anakin with her eyes alone, followed jerking her head at the clutter on the single bed in the room. He was inspecting his prosthetic arm and didn’t seem to notice it so Sola poked him in the side. Snapping back to the present, he shamelessly started pushing the toys, towels and baby formula into a pile to the side so Padmé could sit.
“Sorry about the mess.” Padmé coughed awkwardly and shifted her grip on Leia. She had probably expected Anakin to be a bit more subtle about it. “I haven’t been expecting visitors.”
“It’s quite alright, Senator. It’s hardly the biggest mess I’ve ever seen.”
“You can keep your judgment to yourself,” Anakin drawled, annoyed. Sola swore she saw Master Kenobi’s lips twitch.
“ Now , did I say something about your–”
“–You thought it. At least I know where my things are. Might I remind you that between the two of us you’re the one who keeps buying socks and then losing them?”
“Hardly the only thing he loses,” Ahsoka muttered to the wall. She balanced on one foot with her arms twisted behind her back and her face was tilted curiously. “So they sleep here every night?”
“‘ Night ’ is a bit generous, I fear. But yes, during the day we try to take them with us to give them a bit of a change of scenery and then once everyone starts going to bed, we use the nursery since it’s sound-proofed,” Padmé explained and then winced when Leia let out another shrill wail. “I think you can see why that’s important.”
“At least you know her lungs are strong,” Ahsoka offered sympathetically.
“Should I put him down there?” Master Kenobi asked, referring to Luke who Sola had to admit was being curiously tranquil. The twins did not do everything together but usually if one of them got agitated to this degree, the other one soon followed.
She had half a mind to assume it was some kind of Jedi mind trick keeping him calm. But then Master Kenobi laid him down in the crib and Luke still didn’t start crying so she discarded that theory.
“Right,” Anakin said after performing an extensive search to make sure that Luke was lying down exactly right and hadn’t suffered any grievous injuries while being held by his former mentor. He crossed his arms and his expression was firm. “So why are you really here?”
Another one of Leia’s wails pierced the room and Sola nervously looked at Luke – who was happily chewing on his fist.
“What do you mean?” Ahsoka sounded nervous; but Anakin wasn’t paying attention to her anyway. He was looking straight at Master Kenobi ahead of him, who kept silent. All of his nervous energy from before seemed to have melted into this new, razor-sharp focus.
“You don’t take the time off for ‘ social visits ’. If you haven’t bothered before, you wouldn’t have now – you’re still busy, I’m sure. So why?”
“Has… Palpatine mentioned anything to you about any Holocrons?”
Oh, Sola thought as it settled like a puzzle clicking into place. Immediately, she felt like the man really shouldn’t have admitted to this.
“I knew it! You’re here because of the Convergence – because the Council sent you!” Anakin was breathless with anger. This was all the confession he needed. He jabbed a finger in Master Kenobi’s direction. “Did they think they’d get a better reaction if they sent you or was that your idea too?”
“It was my idea.” Master Kenobi was effortlessly calm. “I did want to see you and it was not my intention to deceive you. I understand I can’t command anything of you, so I come with a request. Anakin, if there are any Holocrons on the property – or any other Sith artifacts – you have to surrender them to the Order.”
“I have to? And what would the Order do with them?”
“Keep them from hurting anyone.”
“Study them, you mean.”
“...yes.” Master Kenobi frowned, as if that much should have been obvious. “We are talking about thousands of years of knowledge. Forbidden knowledge, certainly, but still better off not entirely unknown to us.”
Anakin made a humorless sound.
“That’s rich. Well, I’m sorry Master, but I don't know about any Holocrons. And if I did, my answer would still be no. Whether you like it or not, the Chancellor left his property to me. That means all of it.”
“That is precisely what is concerning.”
“Why? Because he considered me a friend? Why is that so outlandish?”
Master Kenobi’s composure finally broke; replaced by an incredulous expression.
“You can’t possibly be serious. Anakin, he was using you!”
“Alright, let’s just sit down and talk this out calmly–” Padmé tried.
“–And you weren’t?” Anakin spat out, before she could finish. “You’d have happily left me to rot on Tatooine if I didn’t happen to be just useful enough. You wanted to do it regardless. It’s not the condemnation you want it to be so save the scrutiny .”
Sola saw her sister wince and she shared her sentiment. This was shaping up to be an ugly fight . Perhaps it had been destined to go that way from the moment Anakin opened that door; or maybe even before that. She had the distinct impression that this wound had been festering for a while. All it needed to flare up was the right conditions.
If Anakin had been intending to cut deep, he’d certainly done his job right.
“That’s not –” Master Kenobi swallowed, full of grief. “If I could go back and change how I reacted back then, believe me that I would. I was too quick to judge. But you have to know that that simply isn’t true. I’ve only ever wanted the best for you.”
Anakin backed off in a way that reminded Sola of a wild animal. His eyes were wary and forbidding; a warning that with any wrong move, the teeth would come right back out. It just reaffirmed her belief that he'd already been upset from the get-go. He simply needed a reason.
“Right.” He took a deep breath. “But you’re still here doing the Council’s bidding.” The word ‘ Council ’ felt layered with meanings that Sola did not understand – but Master Kenobi faced that complexity head-on without flinching.
“I know we have made mistakes in the past but the Council does have your best interests at heart.”
“Do they? Or is it their best interests? Maybe when I was still in the Order you could tell me that those are one and the same but they aren’t.” Master Kenobi opened his mouth to speak but Anakin wasn’t finished. “I don’t want to hear your reassurances. Don’t tell me they’re fair.”
“Oh, for – this is silly. It has nothing to do with the Council and everything to do with the fact that Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith Lord.”
“It has everything to do with the Council! I’m not stupid, they still think I’m a threat, even though I did everything they ever asked for. Don’t lie to me, they sent you here to–”
“–Where is this coming from? There’s no conspiracy against you. The mission they gave me was to retrieve potentially dangerous items.” Master Kenobi’s voice was no longer so even; frustration had given a hard edge to it. “You’re being unreasonable.”
Anakin threw out his arm in a wide motion.
“Am I truly so unreasonable? I see how you look at me and they got rid of me the moment they could.”
“You’re angry,” he stated flatly, with annoyed disbelief.
“ Yes, I’m angry. I think I’m allowed to be angry now. Or are you going to go and compare me to Maul again? Like I’m – like I’m a Sith Lord, already. What’s the point? You’ll all assume the worst of me anyway. So go ahead, tell me I’m unreasonable. ”
“That’s not what I – stop detracting. You’re angry about being expelled from the Order.”
Anakin was silent; his jaw tightened in a silent challenge.
“What did you expect? You got married, knowing you had a commitment to the Order and knowing that the Code forbids it. You can’t have it both ways. The Council ended up making the decision, yes, but the choice had always been yours.” This was treading on dangerous ground; and then, heedless of all the warning signs, Master Kenobi went in for the throat anyway: “We all have to deal with the consequences of our actions. You are no exception to that. Are you that unhappy with the life you have?”
“Master Kenobi, that’s–” Ahsoka tried in vain.
“Don’t talk to me about consequences ! You have no right. You got to go after Grievous and became a war hero, I got treason and the executioner’s block.”
Master Kenobi frowned.
“I understand it feels unjust but that’s hardly the Council’s fault.”
“Isn’t it? They’re the one who told me to – I was only there because you sent me to him! You want to talk about consequences but I paid the price for your decision! You didn't even have the decency to stick around!” His voice broke into a hoarse whisper when he tried to raise it, yet it still hit like a physical blow. Sola saw Master Kenobi’s breath hitch and then finally something raw and true bubbled to the surface.
“Don’t you dare blame that on me!” He gripped the edge of the crib, hard. “Are you hearing yourself? Nobody told you to play the hero and confront the Sith Lord by yourself! That was both foolish and reckless and if you lost that fight, what then? Did you even think about that? Discredit the worth of your own life, if you will, I give up on teaching you otherwise, but we would have all died if–”
“– Play the hero? ” The attempt at screaming had cost Anakin his voice but it did nothing for the venom in it. He was shaking and his face was pale but Sola could tell he was moments away from lounging and turning this into a physical fight. The children were screaming. “You–”
The lights on the ceiling shattered; she barely had the time to gasp and jump back before broken glass started falling down on the floor, on the bed, on Luke in his crib.
“ Anakin! ” Padmé’s voice was sharp as a whip. She was ducking, covering Leia with her own body.
At once all that anger drained from him. He swayed, pale-faced and sweating.
“...I–”
“Get Luke!” She snapped but he didn’t seem to process it.
“I’ve got him.” Sola didn’t remember when she’d made it to the crib; one moment she was near the bed and next she was brushing the glass off a screaming Luke. “It’s fine, he’s fine. No harm done. See?”
She could not seem to hear her own reassurances over the sound of her own heartbeat; it was no wonder nobody else seemed to hear it either.
“ What was that? ” Master Kenobi didn’t quite raise his voice – he didn’t need to.
“...I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I know better. I should know better,” Anakin’s eyes were wild. “I’ll just…”
Instead of finishing that thought, he dropped to his knees and started picking up the broken glass on the floor, blind and deaf to the world. He went on like that, kneeling and frantically passing the pieces into the cup of his left hand until he seemed to realize all at once what he was doing.
He froze and stared at his palm, for a heartbeat, then a shiver passed through him. His lips twitched imperceptibly.
He killed Palpatine with a shard of broken glass, Sola suddenly remembered and she wanted to yank the long jagged piece he was staring at from his hands.
“Anakin…” Master Kenobi started and Anakin winced, drawing his hand into a fist around the glass like a child trying to hide the evidence.
“I know. I know .” He didn’t raise his head, scrambling again in a fruitless endeavor to clean up his mess, piece by piece. His breathing was coming heavy and hard and he didn’t seem to notice how the shards started spilling from his hand or the thin red lines that started crawling across his palm and dripping on the floor.
Later, she’d reflect on the way everyone just watched. There was a cloud of disbelief and Sola hated watching it but she couldn’t look away.
Master Kenobi finally broke the spell when he sighed and slowly and painfully lowered himself to his knees. His impenetrable expression melted into a softer, more sympathetic one. He caught Anakin by the wrist and gently tried to pry his hand open.
“Let me help.” Without getting a reaction, he tried again, firmer. “Anakin. Let me help.”
Anakin met his eyes with a desperate something and for a moment Sola thought he was going to cry. It lasted a moment or two and then that wild despair melted into shame. He yanked his hand away, stumbling to his feet.
“Sorry.” He backed off past Master Kenobi and towards the door, not looking at anyone in particular. “I’m… going to get some air.” And then he fled the scene, leaving them with broken glass and screaming infants.
She thought someone ought to go after him; instead, they all watched Master Kenobi slowly get back to his feet again, wincing as he straightened his right knee.
“Do you have a broom?” He asked Padmé and that broke the spell.
“In the closet in the hallway,” she gracefully stepped across the glass, holding a squirming Leia. “But don’t bother, we have a droid for it. Anakin upgraded it.”
“One more reason to stick with a broom.” His attempt at a joke fell flat.
Ahsoka looked longingly towards the door, arms wrapped around her chest.
“Should I…?” She made a move forward and Rex stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.
“No, let him be. He just… has to calm down a bit,” Padmé tried to take control of the situation. She’d shaken off the shock of it, putting on a steady, confident persona.
It didn’t seem to convince the girl.
“Are you sure?” She worried at her lip, eyeing the door again. Then, out of nowhere, she turned on Master Kenobi. “I told you not to say that. Why would you even – why didn’t you just tell him what you told me…?”
Master Kenobi was silent.
“He’s not… actually upset with you.” Padmé spoke, reading something from his demeanour. “You just have terrible timing, he received some upsetting news and–”
“Padmé,” he addressed her by the name. “It’s alright. I know. I’ve known Anakin since he reached no higher than to my hip. His moods are not foreign to me. He can be resentful, paranoid and churlish by all means but recently I’ve started to understand that perhaps I’ve done him a great disservice by writing him off as just an unusually angry child.”
Padmé inspected him thoughtfully.
“These Holocrons you were talking about…” She started. “Are you sure they… exist?”
“Master Yoda is certain and Maul is convinced of the same thing. He seems to think that if he’d have left them to anyone, it’d be to Anakin.”
“Why?” As soon as she asked, her face tightened and she closed her eyes, exhausted. “Nevermind. I know. I’ve suspected it for a while.”
“Then you know why I’d like to take them away.” His eyes dropped wearily on the crib and he leaned over to brush away some of the shards. It was no use – the bedding would have to be changed regardless but Sola suspected he wasn’t thinking much about the utility of the motion. “Anakin isn’t entirely wrong to lay the blame on me. He was under my care and I’ve been sending him off for a weekly brunch with a Sith Lord for over a decade. I never noticed anything. The least I can do now is this.”
“I understand. I’m not going to waste time trying to convince you it wasn’t your fault but do keep in mind that he…”
“I know.” Seemingly satisfied with the crib, he moved on to the bed, carefully shaking off the blanket. “I don’t suppose I could ask you to persuade him?”
Padmé’s face was impenetrable.
“Unfortunately, I’m leaving for Theed tomorrow. But you have time, in any case. He hasn’t technically signed any ownership papers yet.”
“Tough task, getting anything done now.” Ahsoka gave Master Kenobi another dissatisfied look.
“Nevermind that, do the three of you have anywhere to stay?”
“We were going to get a hotel. Rex and I are getting paid now, you know.”
“You could stay here,” Padmé offered. “My parents won’t mind and there’s enough space. There’s a festival coming up so the hotels are going to be expensive. You’ll find better use of your wages by spending it on something else.”
Ahsoka looked questioningly up at Rex.
“It’s your call, kid.”
She chewed on her lip – this was, Sola was coming to learn, a persistent nervous habit of hers. Her fingers flexed at her sides.
“Do you think I could…? I wanted to… I hoped to apologize. I wasn’t there for the trial or after. And – the thing with the chips was all Rex anyway. He’s the one remembered Fives. I just took the opportunity because…”
“Ahsoka, it’s alright.” Padmé’s voice softened. “Nobody could blame you of all people for needing some distance. It had to hit a bit close to home.”
“Yes, but –” She spread her fingers helplessly. “When I was on trial, the two of you were there. And after I could have visited. I wanted to, but I was… scared.”
“Please don’t misunderstand me but I’m glad you waited. Back on Coruscant, it would have been a bad time to visit.”
There was a lot of grief neatly packed up in that simple statement, Sola thought. It wasn’t all Anakin either; Padmé hadn’t been in a good place either. She somehow imagined that neither of them were keen on letting Ahsoka see them at that low point.
Ahsoka couldn’t know that though. Her eyes were large and concerned.
“Worse than now?”
Padmé shook her head and pressed a light kiss on her daughter’s angry red face.
“Come on,” she said. “Let the cleaning droid do its job. I’m sure you could use some snacks.”
〰 〰 〰 〰 〰
The moment she was able to pass on Luke to Master Kenobi, Sola left them alone. She’d felt like an intruder in that group. There were some conversations they simply had to have in private.
First thing she did was turn on the cleaning droid and direct him to the mess. Next, she found her mother and gave her a short report on what happened.
“I see,” was all she’d said and she sounded neither surprised nor upset.
All that was left for Sola to do was rescue her datapad from Ryoo and Pooja; it was only a little bit too ironic that she found them brawling on the floor, with the datapad lying discarded a while away. Apparently, they ran into some trouble deciding whose turn it was to play after a bit.
Sola knew they had no idea why she was being stern today when normally, she’d shrug it off but she couldn’t help it. All of the sudden, she felt too-aware of how easy it was for bad blood to foster over silly grudges. And how easy it was to prevent them in time.
She caught Anakin sneaking back in through the balcony completely by accident; the sun had gone down already and she was about to get ready for bed, worn out from her day. Her mosquito bites still itched and she felt sticky with sweat. She was so caught up in her little miseries, she didn’t even notice the sounds of him dragging himself over the railing before he slipped on his coat and fell loudly into a pot of flowers.
And then she nearly had a heart attack.
“Uhh… Hi.” She eyed him critically. Aside from being soaking wet, he seemed less… distressed. “Why are you… wet?”
“Lake.” He tried to regain some grace by brushing off the dirt he caught from the flower pot. It was senseless; it stuck to his wet coat and he sighed in defeat, leaning against the railing. “Please don’t ask.”
“I won’t ask. Come on, let me help.” She offered him a hand and after a moment’s hesitation, he took it. Not wanting to give him a chance to run off again, Sola hooked her arm around his, much like she’d done with Padmé the previous night.
If he was surprised, he didn’t resist, letting her lead him to her room with subdued obedience. It was only after she pointed to him to sit on her bed that he shook his head.
“I’ll get it dirty.”
So instead, he elected to sit on the floor.
“Would you show me your hand?”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to…” He tried but he went along with it anyway.
“I’m sure to you, it is,” Sola muttered, inspecting the cuts. There were a few of them, of various depths but it didn’t look like he’d done too much damage. She was no doctor – but she did have two children growing through various stages of clumsiness. She kept a fully stocked cabinet for that same reason.
Anakin didn’t react when she disinfected the wounds but he did seem childishly interested in the printed band aids she pulled out. They were the type with little cartoon spaceships; Sola had decided to spare him from Ryoo’s favored princess-themed ones, though she had the strongest suspicion that he wouldn’t care either way.
“I didn’t know they made these like this.”
“For children,” she said, teasing but it sat heavy in her chest. She tried not to imagine him at Ryoo’s age – or Pooja’s, but her mind conjured it up anyway. For that reason, she couldn’t quite smile watching him flex his hand, inspecting the way band aids from every angle.
“How are you feeling?” She asked after a bit.
He shrugged listlessly and his eyes darted to the side.
“I… overreacted,” he admitted softly. “I’m sorry. I should probably go and apologize.”
“They’re still awake, down in the dining room if you want. I think Ahsoka and the Commander might take up Padmé’s offer and stay here for a few days.”
She remembered how nervous Ahsoka was; it was something of a relief to see that Anakin seemed to brighten up at that.
“It’d be nice.” He closed his eyes, speaking almost to himself. “They probably already know I’m back anyway.”
“Ah. That’s – that’s the Jedi thing, is it not? The Jedi Master, can he just… sense you wherever you are, all the time?”
“All the time,” he confirmed, then paused with a touch of sadness. “When I’m close to him anyway. I think sometimes that he is the anchor for my soul.”
Anakin, Sola thought, said the oddest things sometimes and it never occurred to him to elaborate.
“What does that mean?”
He shrugged dismissively.
“I don’t know. It just is. I know I give him attitude and I shouldn’t but… He makes things make sense. I feel sometimes that if I didn’t have that, I’d just… float away. That’s what happens when things stop making sense and you stop looking for sense in things.”
“I… understand,” she said, though she didn’t really. She’d never felt the need to externalize her sense of reality into another person. “There’s a comfort in knowing you have someone who can help you pin down murky concepts.”
“Comfort,” he mouthed. “Maybe when I was younger. All I had to do back then was listen, now half the time I can’t trust the things he says.”
This was the kind of statement that was meant to be said in anger, she thought, because when he said it like this, it just sounded pitiable.
“I can’t say I know of the nuances of your relationship but I didn’t get the sense that he’s a liar. He seemed… kind.”
“Most Jedi are kind.” Anakin told her. “And most of them are liars. It’s not as much of a contradiction as you might think. If I were anyone else, I would have had far less problems with them. It’s stupid. I truly did try my best, you know. But I just can’t seem to… get it right.”
This was one of the things that kept Anakin the way he was, she thought. When he was angry, he blamed everyone else – and in the quiet moments, he placed the blame squarely with himself. But never as the consequence of his decisions. The faults he found were always existential. He’d either fight to the death or resign to worthlessness and neither method was truly sustainable.
Sola didn’t really know what to say to him. She wanted to try, for Padmé’s sake, but she didn’t think this was the kind of thing another person could wrestle with.
He looked at his left hand again and a forced smile twisted his lips.
“Padmé said you’re planning to use Clone art on your monument.” He changed the topic with the subtlety of a bantha in a chinashop and bumped her shoulder with his own – a surprisingly friendly gesture. “Come on, I’ll ask Rex to hook you up with some guys. He’ll be happy to help.”
For a moment, she was too stunned to speak.
"Truly? You'd do that?"
"It's really not a hassle to ask."
"No, but... It's just nice of you, that's all."
His smile wavered awkwardly as he stood up.
"Call it a trade-off for these," he said, waving his hand.
Sola considered the spot where he sat. Before he left, she called out: "Wait, one more thing?"
"Yes?"
"Did you really fall into the lake?"