Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey Aira?”

“Yeah?”

“What is that?”

Hiiro points to the side, towards the black lattice divider that sits between Rei and Eichi’s beds.

“Like, a privacy screen or something?” Aira answers, not really looking up from the homework he was trying to tackle. 

Kohaku shifts slightly, trying not to disturb the assortment of books and snacks that the three had piled on Aira’s bed. “But ya can see through it.” He states.

“Yeah,” Aira halfheartedly shrugs. “I know, it doesn’t make sense to me either.”

“If it’s for privacy, why don’t you have one too?” Hiiro asks. While the dorm that Alkaloid had first stayed in had flimsy curtains on the bunk beds, his current dorm at Starmony Hall didn’t have anything like that installed. 

“I don’t…Are you going to help me with this or not?” Aira huffs, handing his papers over to the redhead. 

He chooses to ignore the small chuckle Hiiro lets out as he takes the offending homework. He leans back on his hands and glances over to the partition; there really was no point to it, was there? When Aira had first moved into this dorm, he was so overwhelmed with the fact that he was now sharing intimate space with two of his biggest idols that he just ignored the divider, but it had been there since the beginning. It was just a thing . It wasn’t until weeks later (once he started being able to calm down, once he was able to have a somewhat normal conversation with his roommates without becoming a completely flustered mess) that he realized how strange it was that there wasn’t any sort of partition for his bed, or that none of the other dorms he visited had anything of the sort. And the obvious fact that it offered no privacy at all, as you could see right through it.

In those early days of sharing a dorm room, Aira had his theories, as any good idol otaku would. He had been following both Undead and fine for quite a while, both on official social media and anonymous message boards. The two units very seldom ever performed together, outside of bigger festivals. While it was a common practice for many ES units to work together, or even something as small as shout each other out on their LINE chats or congratulate their new releases on Twitter, it was almost like Undead did not exist to fine, and vice versa. Aira thought this was a little strange. 

He remembered he had seen a clip from a DreFes performance from their high school days, a shaky video from someone not very close to the stage. Aira’s heart had raced as he could feel the energy as both units took the stage, the crowd’s cheers almost blowing out the speakers on his poor laptop. The clip continued as Rei and Eichi were saying something to one another, of course not anything that could be heard. The two leaders approached each other, not breaking eye contact as if they were facing a predator and not a schoolmate. Eichi extended his hand and Rei had done the same. In a movement so quick that the camera couldn’t clearly pick it up, Rei had grabbed the other man’s wrist and sharply pulled, making the blonde stumble forward. Rei hadn’t let him fall, smirking down at him as the crowd went completely wild.

“Aaaaaah, I think I ship them now!!” Aira had commented under the post before sending the link to the video to his friend - the friend he knew now was the pink haired boy sitting to his right. “Look at this omg omg omg” he had quickly typed before watching the clip again. “Idols are so cool!”

It took a moment for Aira to snap out of his thoughts, for him to realize Hiiro was trying to show him why he had fixed what on his math homework. “Aira,” Hiiro repeated. “Do you get it now?”

“Ah?” Aira whipped his head back to look into Hiiro’s intensely blue eyes. “I mean, no?” 

“What’re ya thinking about, Love-han?” Kohaku asked with a laugh. “Ya still turn all red when ya think about the idols ya like, even though yer living together now?”

“N-no!” Aira defensively squeaks, feeling his face heat up as if to drive home the point that yes he does . “I was just trying to remember if either of them had ever told me why they put that up.”

Kohaku lets out a quiet hmm as he pops one of the sweets from the pile into his mouth. “Oh, right, ya ship them together, huh?”

“That’s not-!!“

“What’s “ship?”” Hiiro asked. Aira groans.

“Y’haven’t heard Love-han going on about that before?” Kohaku laughs. “He likes to think they’re together .”

“That was just that one time!” Aira insists quickly before Kohaku can influence Hiiro.

“I can’t remember exactly what ya said, I think ya called it “enemies to lovers” or something?” The pink haired boy didn’t entirely believe that was what Aira had been spacing out about, but seeing him so flustered was a treat he couldn’t resist.

“I see,” Hiiro nods, taking in the information. 

“You don’t!” Aira pulls one of his pillows in front of his face. Not only was Hiiro learning about something so embarrassing about himself, but he felt like by talking about it in the room, it would somehow get back to his roommates. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Kohaku pats Aira’s head, not at all sounding sorry. 

Aira removed the pillow from the top half of his face, somewhat placated. 

“Aira, do you ship us together too?” Hiiro asked, keeping his face neutral and trying not to smile at how red Aira’s face turns at that.

“Y-you-!!”

—-

No matter how many times Aira swears he got every crumb from his bed, his body manages to find another as soon as he tries to lay down. 

“This is the worst…” He grumbles under his breath as he gets up for what must be the tenth time, shaking out his sheets. He tries to brush them clean with his hands, going off of touch alone as the lights are dim. The crumbs on the floor were a problem for later. He thinks that maybe he would ask Hiiro and Kohaku to help him clean tomorrow, since this mess was partially their fault.

“Do you need help, Shiratori-kun?” Eichi asks, looking up from his phone. Aira turns to his roommate, currently lounging on his bed but not under the covers. I’m probably keeping him from going to sleep.

“Sorry,” Aira replies as he tries to fix his bed back as quickly as possible. “I’m just having problems getting comfortable.”

“I have an extra set of sheets if you would like them,” The blonde offers, shutting the flap of his phone case and sitting up. Aira shakes his head rapidly.

“No, no, you don’t have to do that!” Aira exclaims. “It’s my fault anyways, I was hanging out with Hiro and Kohakucchi - Kohaku - and we weren’t being careful about eating snacks on the bed.” 

“Fufu, I’m sure that was fun,” Eichi settles back down into his bed. 

“We haven’t really had the chance to be together in a while.” Aira nods as he gets back into bed. Finally not feeling any tiny, sharp crumbs digging into his skin, he flops back and then rolls over, grabbing his phone from his nightstand and starting his nightly ritual of mindless scrolling. 

“You’re very close with Amagi-kun, aren’t you?” Eichi looks over the top of his phone at Aira. “During the magazine shoot I asked him to do the other week, he wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

“O-oh?” Aira didn’t return his gaze, instead staring as hard as he could at the words on his phone, though he wasn’t reading them at all. 

“Alkaloid really has become like a family,” fine’s leader states, putting his own phone on the bed next to his pillow and getting under the covers. “I’m glad.”

Aira nods, even though Eichi isn’t looking at him anymore. His thoughts are torn between Hiro was talking about me, he was thinking about me even while working and idols aren’t supposed to be in relationships, Tenshouin-senpai is going to kick me out!

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it was when Aira was tapping the “like” button on Makoto’s blog post when the door quietly opens, then shuts. Rei makes his way to the refrigerator, grabbing one of his cans of tomato juice and swiftly downing it.

“Good evening, Sakuma-senpai,” Aira greets him softly, not sure if Eichi had gone to sleep yet. 

Rei smiles at him warmly. “Good evening, Shiratori-kun. I’m sorry if I’ve disturbed your sleep.”

“I’m still up,” Aira smiles back. “You’re back earlier than usual.”

“I have to try to sleep at a normal hour tonight,” Rei says with a sigh. He makes his way over to his own bed and throws himself on it inelegantly, still wearing his jacket. “Undead and Crazy:B have another meeting tomorrow about that cover song project.” He turns his head as Eichi gets back up and walks to the bathroom without saying a word.

“Oh, yeah, Kohakucchi was telling me about it, it sounds really cool!” Aira rolls to face Rei’s bed. “Do you know what other units are going to participate? Or what other songs are going to be covered?”

“I don’t, unfortunately.” Rei replies, smiling at the boy’s enthusiasm. “That’s right, Shiratori-kun and Oukawa-kun have been friends for a while, haven’t you?”

“We met online ages ago,” Aira nods. “But we fell out of contact. It was some strange fate that we ended up meeting here.” 

“That sounds almost romantic,” The raven-haired man chuckles. 

“Isn’t- Is it romantic?” Aira pretended to seem uninterested, like he definitely hadn’t thought about that before, like he definitely hadn’t brought it up to Kohaku himself while they were idly stroking each other's hands.

“Romantic?” Echoes Eichi as he reenters the room and slides back into his bed. “Ah, good evening, Sakuma-san.”

“Shiratori-kun and Oukawa-kun being reunited after so long,” Rei provides, sitting back up slowly to shrug off his jacket. Speaking only to Aira, he adds with a wink, “This old man thinks stories like that aren’t something to take lightly.”

Before Aira can begin to react, Eichi spoke up, “But Shiratori-kun is closest to Amagi-kun, not Oukawa-kun.”

“Amagi-kun is his unit leader, not the person he was destined to meet.” Rei corrects the blonde with a wave of his hand. 

“You haven’t heard how Amagi-kun talks about Shiratori-kun.” Eichi props himself up on his arm, staring at Rei through the divider. “If we’re talking about romantic , it’s how close those two have become.”

“Is that what you think?” Rei returns the stare. “Or is the concept of having someone that you’ll always wind up going back to not enough for you, Tenshouin-kun?”

“It sounds more like you can’t appreciate the closeness that comes from being brought together and clawing your way out from the bottom, Sakuma-san.”

In the months since living together, Aira had realized that the partition in between Rei and Eichi’s bed was there to provide them with the barest form of protection when they get like this . He has never seen his two senpai outright shout at each other, or even say anything that could actually be interpreted as an attack of any sort. But more often than not there was a tenseness in the air between the two, something that was normal to Aira at this point, though still unwelcome. When they were on their beds, staring at one another through the lattice-paterned divider, it was as if they had its permission to be as verbose as possible. They were “safe” to speak for minutes -  sometimes hours - on end, almost as if they were in a church’s confessional, spilling their every thought.

This wasn’t the first time that something Aira had said was the catalyst for the two unit leaders to go at one another like this, but this was definitely the most uncomfortable he had felt because of it. His two senpai that he had idolized for ages were…disagreeing about who he liked? That was what it sounded like at first but Aira honestly wasn’t sure at this point. The two were going, and still going, but he hadn’t heard his own name brought up in a few minutes. To be honest, he was more fixated on the fact that neither of them had brought up that idols can’t be in relationships. Belatedly, he realized that he also didn’t deny having a big gay crush on both of his friends, but it didn’t really seem important in the moment.

“Um,” the younger boy tried speaking up, “It’s getting late, and I have school in the morning, so…”

“Of course, of course, apologies, Shiratori-kun,” Rei’s voice was suddenly calm again. 

“Yes, we didn’t mean to put you in between our, ah, discussion.” Eichi added. “As our precious kohai, we want you to be happy.”

“When you’re talking about someone who isn’t yourself, it’s easier to imagine a situation where things happen exactly how you wished them, you see?” 

Aira does not see, but he’s not wanting to prolong this any more than necessary. “I appreciate that my senpai want me to be happy…with my friends.” He’s aware that both of their stares are on him. “But, u-um, you know, it’s all just…we’re all idols, so…” 

“And human as well.” Rei leans back on his elbows. 

“Mm, I’ll agree with Sakuma-san on that,” Eichi’s eyes lid. “Of course I’m not saying you should do something that would put you or any one else in any sort of danger of public scrutiny…but as manufactured as we may be, idols are not machines.”

This discussion really wasn’t one Aira imagined he’d be having, that the president of all of ES was essentially telling him it was okay to break one of the biggest rules of being an idol. It felt almost like a trap, and instead of saying anything that would have incriminated him, he chose to just nod and try to settle back down under the covers. 

“Of course,” Eichi continues, “As your senpai, I expect you let me know if there’s anything I can do to assist you and Amagi-kun-“

“You’re just so sure it’s him and not Oukawa-kun,” Rei sits back up and glowers through the divider. “Shiratori-kun, the offer extends to myself as well, if you ever-“

“Both of them!” Aira exclaims much louder than he intended, face red, before turning over and pulling the sheets over his head. “I-I’m going to sleep now, I have a test in the morning! Goodnight!”

Either Eichi or Rei let out a small noise that sounded like a chuckle - Aira couldn’t tell which - and then the room became silent save for the sounds of the other two men settling into their beds. Aira kept his eyes firmly shut and didn’t release the tight grip on his blankets until maybe five minutes had passed. When he finally deemed it safe, he snuck a hand out from his covers and pulled his phone back to him.

Goodnight <3 he types into the group text between himself, Hiiro, and Kohaku. I had a lot of fun today!

Chapter Text

Since becoming a student at Yumenosaki Academy, Aira had never skipped a day of class unless he had a job. That attendance streak was broken once he returned from America and the experience of the IFF. 

The jet lag was manageable when they had arrived in New York, as they had all been advised (by Ibara) when and for how long to sleep on the plane ride there. The way home, however, was a different story. For Aira, all of the excitement that had happened left him feeling like he was buzzing on the inside. Like he was on a high that wouldn’t stop. 

…Except it did, as soon as he got in the van that took the idols back to Starmony Dorm. He had sat next to Kohaku, and then…Aira didn’t even remember leaving the van and walking to his dorm, but there he was, in bed at four in the afternoon. How long had he slept? It was a mystery he really didn’t care about solving. 

Remembering that Rei had been acting exceptionally feeble about five hours into the plane ride (claiming that he wasn’t as used to travel as he had been, and what do you mean that wasn’t a good enough reason for Ritsu to let him sit next to him), Aira turned to his left, expecting to see the man completely engulfed in his covers. To his surprise, Rei’s bed was empty, and his suitcase had already been put away (Aira’s stood proudly at the end of his bed). 

The blonde didn’t even bother to sit up, or even look at his phone. He felt completely drained, and his throat was a little scratchy, most likely from the dry air on the plane. Logically, Aira knew he should get up and shower, probably eat something, but it would be so easy to just roll back over and close his eyes again. And so he did just that. 

However, now that he had been awake, his brain wouldn’t let him return to sleep. His mind cycled between the happy memories he had created with his friends on the trip, and the thoughts of things he had to do once he was actually out of bed. Aira refused to open his eyes again, instead making a mental checklist. Suitcase. Shower. Text Hiiro. Check when Alkaloid’s practicing again. Drop off all the souvenirs…uuuggh, that one was going to take a while. 

Not wanting to be the last one to deliver his gifts to both the StarPro office and the dorm’s common room, Aira finally, slowly, sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. Pause. Stand. Pause. Gather clothes and stumble to the shower. 

Twenty minutes was all it took for Aira to feel a lot more normal again. When he opened the bathroom door, steam still hanging in the air behind him, he saw that Eichi had returned. He was sitting at the small table near the refrigerator, typing away at something. 

“Mm, just a moment…” He said absently, probably directed at Aira, though his eyes didn’t leave his screen and his hands still flew across the keyboard. 

Aira, still towelling the last hints of water from his hair, walked back up to his suitcase and laid it down on the floor. He unzipped it, then was suddenly reminded that he had nearly overslept on their last day in New York and had to throw and shove everything into his suitcase haphazardly. Luckily, the day before, he had already created a little nest out of his coat right in the center, where he had stashed his gifts and souvenirs. Most of it was snacks, because there was nothing easier to leave in a common area. Under that, there were a few things for Hiiro, a couple things for his other classmates and the members of Pretty 5, and a couple things for himself. Finally, there was a bundle of patterned paper that Aira extracted, and then placed on the table behind Eichi’s laptop. 

“…Ah, what’s…” the older man typed a couple words more, frowned at something on the screen before shutting the lid of the computer and finally looking up at Aira. “Sorry. Welcome back, Shiratori-kun. How did you enjoy New York?”

“Ahh, it was so much fun!” Aira beamed. “We saw so many cool places - oh, and some kind of weird stuff happened towards the end? There were just so many people everywhere so I kept thinking I would get separated from everyone but I didn’t, ah, you heard which movie won first, right?? Did you know Central Park is so big ? Ahh, it was all so love~ly!”

Eichi couldn’t help but laugh at the boy’s enthusiasm. “I’m glad you had a good time. I did hear which movie won, as well as the trouble you all seemed to have gotten yourselves roped into. I suppose I can’t expect any less from ES idols.” 

“I think everything worked out in the end?” Aira said, shifting from one foot to the other. “I think my English is really good now, too.”

“Ah, is it?” 

Aira gave a nervous little nod, and then in English, “ I go to New York, I eat lobster .”

Eichi gave Aira a small round of applause, and then in a much more confident voice responded in English, “ I am very happy you have returned. It was lonely in this room by myself .”

Aira tried, really tried, to process what he had said. “ Happy…return… umm…ahh, senpai, that’s not fair! I didn’t know you could speak English!” 

“Enough to get by when talking to my family’s business partners,” Eichi smiled. “But you did sound very good. I was a little worried that the language barrier might be an issue for you all.”

“There was a translator at IFF that helped us a couple times,” Aira finally sat in the chair across from Eichi. “But Sakuma-senpai’s English is really good, like, really natural! Also this is for you,” he nudged the paper-wrapped gift forward a little.

“Oh? You didn’t have to get me anything, thank you,” the older man unwrapped the package to reveal a small tea cup, pale blue and with delicate gold designs around the rim. “Ah, this is lovely, Shiratori-kun! How very thoughtful.”

“There were so many tiny shops with lots of handmade and antique things, but that really looked like something you would like,” Aira said, pleased that his gift seemed to be the right one. It wasn’t like he had been stressing about it or anything and had to be reassured that Eichi would be appreciative of anything if it came from Aira. “I didn’t know that Yumenosaki had sister schools in America and other places, is that something that I could do? Like go to another country and study for a while?”

Eichi’s fingers twitched slightly around the cup. “I’m sorry, where is this coming from?”

“Umm, sorry-“ Aira became conscious that he was jumping around topics pretty quickly, as he did when he was excited. “We were talking about the translator, and I didn’t know Sakuma-senpai’s English was so good, and he told me that when he went to Yumenosaki he studied abroad at some of its sister schools, and I thought that was really cool!”

“Yes, he did.” 

“I bet that would be so much fun to go somewhere completely new and so different from here-“

“Mm, Shiratori-kun can’t leave,” Eichi interrupted suddenly. “Alkaloid couldn’t survive without you.” 

Aira paused for a moment, lips parted. Aira wasn’t quite sure what it was that he had said, but he was quite aware that the mood had shifted into something more somber.  “O-oh, yeah? I mean, of course I wouldn’t actually go, it just seemed fun to think about. I don’t think I could actually leave all my friends here for that long.” 

Eichi was silent for a minute, not really looking at anything in particular. Then, “Did Sakuma-san say you should study abroad?”

Aira looked up and tried to recall the conversation. “No, he didn’t…he actually kind of seemed like it was something he didn’t want to talk about, like, about his own experiences then. Oh, but Nagisa-senpai told me about some of the times that he had travelled overseas, and-“

Eichi interrupted again, but this time with a small chuckle. Aira wasn’t sure what it was he was laughing at, but he was glad he had said something to change the atmosphere in the room back to a more positive one. 

“You should travel when you can, Shiratori-kun, and treasure those experiences. But if you stay away from home for too long, it would only pull apart your soul and I would hate to see that happen to you.”

The younger boy wasn’t sure what to make of that statement; it seemed like something profound and important, but Aira didn’t quite understand why. He nodded and smiled all the same. “Thank you, Tenshouin-senpai.”

—

Aira tried to make the most of the rest of his day. He delivered the majority of his souvenirs to the appropriate places and people, checked to see if he missed anything important at school that day, and even ate dinner with Tatsumi and Mayoi. Tatsumi listened intently to the two’s stories of their adventures in New York, praising them for a job well done and expressing how much they were missed.

The blonde was thoroughly worn out when he returned to his dorm. The suitcase could wait until tomorrow, he decided. He tried to be quiet as he rummaged around in one of its pockets for his skincare, as Eichi was already asleep in his own bed. As Aira made his way to the bathroom, he glanced at the table where the teacup still sat next to Eichi’s closed laptop. Something was sitting inside the cup that definitely was not there before. Curiosity getting the better of him, Aira set his skincare products on the table so he could investigate. 

It was tea, Aira was pretty sure. Everything on the small tin was in English, but it looked enough like some of the other high class teas he had seen around their dorm. He could recognize “ Chelsea Market ” among the foreign words. Someone else must have brought it back from the trip. That was a nice coincidence, Aira thought, that someone bought a gift that matched his own. 

He placed the tin back into the cup and picked his own things up and headed to the bathroom to do his night routine. Izumi had given him (and the rest of the idols that had been on the trip) a sample size vial of a very thick moisturizer, one he said he used whenever he had been on a plane to help combat dry skin. Aira was quite appreciative, and applied the cream liberally on his face. He was a little envious that Izumi knew things like this; that Izumi had experiences traveling. Aira wanted to have experiences like Izumi and Rei, like Nagisa and Leo and Shu. Could Alkaloid perform overseas one day?

Crawling into bed, Aira considered that he was barely gone for a week and already felt completely exhausted. Maybe an entire semester overseas would be pushing it. Maybe just another week at first. He thought about what Eichi had said, “if you stay away from home for too long, it would only pull apart your soul,” and Aira imagined being away from Hiiro and Kohaku for weeks at a time. It made his stomach a little upset just to think about. Is that why Rei didn’t want to talk about his time abroad? Did it pull him apart? Aira didn’t want to think about what could possibly defeat his strong, gentle, mildly intimidating senpai. 

Well. It wasn’t like an opportunity to leave was going to present itself anytime soon. Aira was home, now, and that’s where he was going to stay. It’s where he wanted to stay. A trip here and there with friends might be nice but Alkaloid, ES, and Yumenosaki was where Aira felt like he was truly alive and happy. 

Chapter Text

Rei Sakuma was a vampire, or so he claimed. 

According to him, vampires do not get sick, at least not in the way others might. In the past, when he was huddled up in bed and sounding a little less than normal, he would blame any weakness on the sun or daytime hours, on the cold affecting his “old” bones, or not having “fed” recently. 

(He had tried teasing Aira about his need for blood once - and only once - as when Rei brushed his fingertips on the back of Aira’s neck, the younger boy startled so much that he accidentally smacked Rei in the face. Aira immediately apologized, but was drowned out by Eichi’s laughter, and then by his subsequent coughing fit, for which Aira also apologized. After that, the older man learned his lesson about teasing Aira about such things, at least when he was in close proximity.)

It was a rare thing, anyway, when Rei appeared actually sick or weak to Aira. The blonde learned quickly that a lot of his complaining was in fact performative, for whatever reason. While he may struggle more than most in the mornings and seem to have an actual reaction to being out in bright light, Rei was more or less as healthy as anyone else (possibly even moreso, as Aira had heard rumors of the unit leader’s physical strength). So it was a bit of a shock for Aira to return to the dorm one afternoon after school to see Rei huddled under about four or five comforters on his bed, the sliver of his face that was exposed looking almost a sickly white. Even from across the room Aira could tell that he wasn’t okay. 

He put his bag down gently by his own bed. Aira had about ten minutes before he had to leave to go to practice with Alkaloid. He wasn’t sure if Rei was even awake - and would feel bad waking him if he wasn’t - but Aira almost had a feeling that he had to check on Rei, or else. 

“Senpai?” Aira called softly. Then when he didn’t move at all, “Sakuma-senpai?” 

Some sort of a grumble came from under the covers, as well as a bit of movement, so at the very least Aira didn’t think he was dead. He took that as a sign that he could move closer. 

“Is there anything I can get for you?” He offered. “I can make you something to eat if you haven’t had anything.” 

Rei pulled the covers a bit more off of his face and blinked at the sight of Aira. “Sleep. You’re a good boy, Shiratori-kun, but what I need right now is just sleep.”

His voice was rough but quiet, and Aira tried his hardest not to look as concerned as he felt. Rei was a grown man and if he said that’s what he needed, then that’s what he needed. “Um, okay, but, um, if you…” What was the proper way to ask this? There probably wasn’t one. “If you, uhh, need, you know…to feel better…you know…my, uh…blood…”

Rei stared at him for a moment before smiling, a smile that Aira could tell was absolutely forced. “If you’re offering to get something, a glass of water would be appreciated, but aside from that, I would like to sleep.”

“Of course!” Aira exclaimed - probably too loudly, but asking Rei that was weird and left him flustered - and dashed to the sink. He returned and set the water on Rei’s end table, close enough that it could be reached from his blanket cocoon. 

“Thank you, Shiratori-kun,” Rei offered him the forced smile again before pulling one of the covers back over his face entirely, effectively ending the conversation. 

“Ah- yeah, please get rest,” Aira softly said to the pile of blankets. He retreated back to his own part of the room, got changed into more comfortable clothes, and put away his uniform before grabbing his phone and a sports drink and (quietly) heading out to practice. 

-

When Aira returned later that night, Rei was still there, in bed, under his comforters. He was there when Aira woke up the next morning. And he was there, still, when Aira returned again from his day at school. At the very least, the glass of water was empty, and Aira made sure to refill it to the top. He could hear soft, slow breathing from under the covers, letting Aira know he really was asleep. 

Should he get someone? Should he just let him sleep off whatever was wrong? It really didn’t look like Rei had even shifted positions in over 24 hours. That couldn’t be a normal sickness, right? Aira wondered if he should find Ritsu and ask him if he knew what was wrong. The younger Sakuma wasn’t shy about his aversion to his brother, but he wouldn’t just let him die in his dorm room, right? 

Before trying to track him down, Aira decided to get Rei some medicine. This probably wasn’t a cold, but cold medicine couldn’t possibly make the situation worse. Maybe a nutrition drink, too. The dorm’s communal kitchen usually had a wide variety of drinks that were free to take, and there was a drawer by the stove that had become the gathering place for various medicines and supplements. 

The blonde left the room and made his way back towards the elevator. When he arrived at the ground floor, the doors opened to Eichi, returning from his day at the StarPro office. Aira honestly hadn’t even considered asking Eichi if he might know what to do, as he hadn’t returned to the dorm in a couple of days and he wasn’t sure when he would be back. 

“Shiratori-kun, what’s the matter?” 

“Um,” Aira stepped out of the elevator before it could close. “I don’t think Sakuma-senpai is okay, I was going to get him a couple things from the kitchen.” 

“Is he sick?” Eichi asked, stepping back to let Aira take the lead. “I may not be able to enter the room if it’s something contagious.”

“I don’t think it is,” Aira headed towards the kitchen and opened the medicine drawer to see what he could find. “He wasn’t coughing or anything. He said he just wanted to sleep, but he’s been asleep for over a day now and I don’t think he’s moved or eaten anything.” Aira pulled out something that advertised itself as being an overall immune booster. Not medicine, but probably useful. 

“He had a job with Akatsuki the other day, didn’t he?” For every medicine Aira picked out from the drawer and set on the counter, Eichi would pick it up and look it over. “Keito told me they were both quite stressed over the situation surrounding it.”

“But I don’t think it’s just exhaustion,” Aira insisted. He put most of what he had pulled out from the drawer back in its place, and grabbed a few nutrition drinks from the fridge. “I don’t know, maybe I’m worrying over nothing, but he just looked so…”

Eichi let out the smallest of resigned signs before taking some of the drinks from Aira’s arms. “I’m sure he appreciates your concern.” The two walked back to the elevator and made their way to their room. Predictably, Rei was still in his bed, still buried under his covers. 

Aira took one of the drinks and the medicines and brought it to his end table. “Sakuma-senpai, I really think you should drink this and take some medicine…” He was met with silence and stillness. He turned to Eichi, not quite sure what to do next and honestly panicking a little. 

“Honestly, worrying your kouhai like this…” Eichi muttered. 

“I’m not that worried…I mean, I am worried, but…” Aira’s hands messed with the hems of his shirt. A mumble finally came from under the covers that sounded vaguely like an irritated ’m fine . Aira left Rei’s bedside and sat down at the end of his own bed. 

“You’re clearly not fine, Sakuma-san, and you should be setting a better example of how to care for yourself while working.” Eichi crossed his arms and leaned back against the table, ignoring whatever inaudible mumble came from the other side of the room. 

“I’m sure he was doing his best,” Aira said quietly, not wanting a fight to start. 

“If he was doing his best, he’d be out of bed and back to working, like Keito, or the rest of Akatsuki, or the rest of Undead.”

“I’m not talking about it,” Rei stated, voice more firm and clear then Aira had heard in the past two days. 

“U-um,” Aira began to speak out of nervousness. “You-you know, Tenshouin-senpai, I already offered, but, you know, since Sakuma-senpai is a vampire, maybe, uh, your blood type would be better for him?”

Eichi stared blankly at Aira for a good ten seconds. “I’ve already had one of those brothers tell me my blood tastes disgusting, and I think it’s rather rude to fault me on something I can’t control. I’d rather not recreate that experience.”

“You did what with my brother?” Rei pulled the covers back from his face, immediately wincing at the already low light in the room. 

“There we go, see, Shiratori-kun, he’s alright.” Eichi waved his hand dismissively. 

“Ah, senpai, I got you some medicine and-“

“Get out of bed and stop bothering Shiratori-kun with your dramatics.” Eichi straightened up where he stood. “Keito told me about the mess you two had to deal with, but you’ve dealt with it. Stop sulking.” 

“I’m not talking about it.” Rei repeated, sinking back down again. 

“No one is asking you to talk about it, we’re asking you to move on.” Eichi glared at him. “If you’re going to behave like a child, then do so at your family’s house instead of in front of everyone.” 

“What I do is none of your business,” The older man snapped as he tried to recede back into the blankets again. Aira was taken aback by the roughness in his speech, almost as if he was a different person talking. 

“You’re making it our business.” Eichi stated. “Everything worked out, you got what you wanted, you pulled off the live, and that weird show the two of you like got its revival because of you. What else could you possibly want from this?”

“I want. To sleep.” Rei sat up again abruptly, eyes focused on Eichi. “I’m tired. Keito got what he wanted. Adonis-kun got what he wanted. Koga-kun got what he wanted.  Everyone got what they wanted and I worked my ass off to make sure that it happened. And I’m tired. I can’t go to my family home if I want to keep making sure everyone gets what they want. So I’m here, listening to you bitch me out about wanting to rest after a job. You want to talk about acting like a child, I thought you grew out of wanting to control everything around you. I don’t want to play your fucking games today. I’m so. tired. of this.” 

Aira didn’t dare move a muscle, eyes flitting back and forth between the two. Neither one of them broke eye contact for what felt like an eternity to Aira. Eventually, Eichi leaned back against the table again, losing some of his height and some of the anger in his eyes. “Are you done?” He asked, his tone not quite as terse as before. “Do you have anything else you need to get out of your system?” 

Rei glared at the blonde a moment more before finally turning his head, staring at the wall next to his bed. “I’m done.” 

“Good, then you’ll get out of bed and eat something and take a shower so Shiratori-kun doesn’t worry anymore.” 

Rei let himself fall back onto the bed and rolled onto his side, something reminded Aira of a child not wanting to listen to their parent. “In a bit. I’ll…get up in a bit.”

“If you don’t do it now, you won’t do it at all, where’s that energy you had just a moment ago?”

“You took it.”

“ Fine .” In a few long strides, Eichi made his way over to Rei’s bed before also throwing himself onto it so that he was laying next to the other man. 

“The hell are you-?!”

“I’m going to lay here until you get out of bed, I can’t fathom that you’d want to be anywhere near me, so clearly this is the only option to get you to get up.” Eichi stated as if it were obvious. 

“You underestimate how stubborn I am, and how much I do not want to get out of this bed,” Rei looked over his shoulder. 

“Alright,” Eichi pulled out his phone and started looking through something. 

“Stay there until you rot, then.” And with that, Rei retreated back into his blanket cavern. Eichi appeared uninterested, continuing to scroll on his phone, even shifting a bit to get into a more comfortable position. 

Aira had to wonder if his friends’ roommates also had recurring fights that went from heated to completely ridiculous in no time at all. 

Probably not. Still, he had never heard Rei yelling like that before and it had him a bit shaken. When he said he was tired, Aira could tell that he had meant it from his soul. He sounded just so hurt. The blonde felt incredibly awkward in the room even though the other two were no longer at each other’s throats. He didn’t want to bring any attention to himself, but he needed to do something to get that looping sound of Rei’s raw, hurt voice out of his head. And so with a quiet “I’ll be back in a bit,” he took his leave, hoping that his roommates wouldn’t rip each other apart in his absence. 

Chapter Text

Aira rarely made a trip back home that lasted more than a weekend. He loved his parents, of course, but staying in the dorms was just so much easier. A quick walk to school was much more preferable than an hour-long train ride. Kohaku and Hiiro never visited their homes (“never” was probably an over exaggeration, but that’s what it seemed like) and Aira sometimes felt like the odd one out of the three for having somewhere that just he would visit. In addition, even though he shared the room with Rei and Eichi, Aira felt like he had more space and privacy at the dorms than at home, where his mother refused to knock even still. 

Rei similarly spent most nights (well, early to mid mornings, usually) in the dorm rather than his family home. Aira knew it wasn’t far away, not as far away as his own home. He knew of course about Ritsu, but that was as much as he knew about the Sakumas. Rei had never mentioned his parents, or anything else about his immediate family. He never treated having to return home and stay the night elsewhere as much of a good thing. Aira imagined that he lived in a tall, dilapidated manor at the end of an abandoned road, covered in ivy and uninviting. Rei’s parents must be beautiful, though Aira wondered - if they were indeed vampires - how old could they be? Hundreds?

Eichi, on the other hand, spent at least one night a week at (one of) his family’s homes, citing meetings and the like as the reason. He didn’t treat this as much of a task or burden -  just how some days were - though he did seem quite relieved whenever he returned to the dorm from being away for days at a time. Like Rei, he didn’t really mention his family, though Aira at least knew Eichi had a mother and father. Any time he had spoken of them came off as very detached, as if they weren’t family at all but only members of the same company. 

Although the journey had come with many ups and downs, Aira confidently felt now that “home” was his dorm room and “family” was his unit, his friends, and his roommates. A year ago, he couldn’t imagine being anywhere but the home he spent his whole life, watching idols from a 13 inch laptop screen while pretending to do homework. If he told his younger self he’d move out to live with those same idols and stand side by side with them on stage, he knew he wouldn’t believe it. Younger Aira wouldn’t believe that he would find no comfort anymore in his childhood bedroom, but instead in a shared room with Sakuma Rei and Tenshouin Eichi. 

Yet this weekend was a little different; there wasn’t as much comfort to be found in his dorm room. Both Rei and Eichi had to be away for several days, Kohaku was away on a job with Crazy:B, and Hiiro was on some sort of weekend camping trip as part of the circle he was in. Even Mayoi and Tatsumi were unavailable - Mayoi helping Shinobu with somethingorother ninja related, and Tatsumi having to undergo some tests to make sure his leg was still healing properly after all of the physical activity he had been exerting at Lives. Aira was his quiet room, alone, with nothing to do. No homework to be done, no circle meetings, there wasn’t even anyone down in the dorm’s shared space watching TV or cooking. There wasn’t even any new idol merch that had come out recently to buy. The first day was fine, the second day was boring. But now, for the first time in quite a while, Aira felt very lonely. 

And so, he put in his ear buds, left his room, and started mindlessly walking. 

Before he could be called an idol, Aira would often aimlessly wander while listening to music, imagining it was him singing those songs on stage. Maybe it was childish and delusional, or maybe everyone did this. Maybe this was how all of his friends began their idol path - by immersing themselves in it as much as possible and doing nothing else but dreaming they were a part of that life. He knew this wasn’t the case for Hiiro, at least. He thought about his senpai as he found himself strolling into Ensemble Square proper and heading towards the elevators. Did Mayoi have a moment while browsing the internet where he saw someone just so shining that he couldn’t look away? Did Tatsumi look up at an electronic billboard one day and see someone so wonderful that he couldn’t think about anything else? 

Aira got into an empty elevator and pressed the button for the hanging gardens. He couldn’t imagine a time when his roommates weren’t idols. Even as kids, he couldn't picture them being less magnificent than they were currently. He realized, as the door slid open to greet him with a slightly overcast sky, that while he freely shared bits of his life and family with Rei and Eichi, that the only thing that they had told him about their childhoods was that they both were friends with Hasumi Keito. (And that Eichi was always in the hospital.) (And that Ritsu was so cute .) 

Not finding much solace in his music, Aira pulled out his headphones and paused the music on his phone. He kept wandering through the garden, breathing in the scent of the plant and flowers, before he realized that a familiar snuffling noise was coming from somewhere nearby. He looked around and saw no other person there, which was a little unnerving as he was sure he heard something. In his search, Aira headed towards some bushes and then suddenly found himself tripping over something and face first on the ground. 

“Ow? You re~ally didn’t see me sleeping there?” A quiet and vaguely annoyed voice came from the bush. 

“Of course I didn’t!” Aira exclaimed, rubbing his hands over his aching face. He fell on grass but it still hurt and he found himself blinking away tears. 

“Hmm, my mistake, then.” Ritsu stood to his full height, stretching and yawning slowly. He looked down at Aira through heavily-lidded eyes. “Mm, don’t cry, don’t cry, I’m not that scary.”

“I’m not scared, it hurts!” Aira sniffled. He wouldn’t hear the end of it from Arashi or Hiyori if he got a weird mark on his face. 

Ritsu seemed to ponder this for a moment before crouching down before the blonde and taking his face in his cool hands. Aira froze at the sudden contact as red eyes looked him over. “Not even a scratch,” the older boy smiled lazily. 

“W-well, good!” Aira was only slightly flustered with how close Ritsu was in his personal space. (He would think after Hiiro still not quite understanding the concept he would be used to it, but no.) He reached his hand up to meet Ritsu’s, letting him know he could let go. As soon as Aira’s fingertips made contact with the back of his hand, Ritsu jerked them away quickly. 

“Isn’t that a little rude to just touch someone without asking? I don’t like being touched.” 

“But you just-“

“Heh, I know, it’s a double standard, but that’s just who I am.” Ritsu shifted away a little and leaned back on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m not upset about it, probably. I’m not even upset that you disturbed my nap. See, I’m really nice.”

Aira didn’t doubt his kindness, of course, but he knew that Ritsu’s moods could be a bit fickle, like a cat’s. 

“Did you have nothing to do this weekend, either?” Aira asked. “Do you not have to do any of the family stuff that your brother has to?” 

Ritsu made a face, kind of like a child being presented with their least favorite food. “I guess I should thank that thing for doing it. If he didn’t, I’d have to be the head of the family, and that is wa~ay too much work.”

“What all does he have to do?” Aira moved into a more comfortable position on the ground. He wasn’t uncomfortable, but could imagine actually napping there. 

“Talking to a bunch of old guys. Going places where they don’t speak the same language. Rituals. You know, vampire stuff.” Ritsu waved a hand, as this was just something commonplace. 

“Uh. Yeah. Vampire stuff.” The impulse to ask that question bubbled up inside Aira. He tried to force his brain to shut up, tried to remember the uncomfortable silence that followed the last time he asked something about it, but- “Did you really drink Tenshouin-senpai’s blood?” 

That brought forth a chuckle from Ritsu. “Once. Medicine can make blood taste reeeally bad.” He gave Aira a mischievous look. ”I’m surprised you call him “senpai,” I would have thought Ecchan would have told you to call him “onii-chan.””

“He, uhh-“ That was a memory Aira had worked to forget, not even a month after they had moved in together and Eichi had asked him, so innocently, “ Shiratori-kun, we’ve been living together for a few weeks now, you don’t have to address me so formally, you can call me Eichi-onii-chan, ” and Aira’s silly little brain got so, so flustered at such a request. “You-you know, he’s my senpai, and I was taught you always refer to your seniors with respect, even if you’re friends.”

“Good. Don’t call him “onii-chan”, it gives him power.” Ritsu scoffed. “Don’t call your other roommate “onii-chan” either, he’ll get gross about it. Actually, they both would. You live with two weird people. But you can call me “Ritsu-onii-chan,” I’m as harmless as a fly.”

“I’m not going to do that either?” Aira chose to ignore Ritsu’s comment about being harmless. “Can I ask you something about your brother?”

“You can ask whatever you want, but no promises if I answer or not,” Ritsu returned to a fully sprawled out state on the ground. 

“How did he decide to become an idol?” Aira sat up straight. “Has he always been really good at singing? He can play violin and piano, too, right?”

“He can play any instrument you put in front of him, it’s stupid .” Grumbled Ritsu. “You’d do better asking him that sort of thing. Maybe he got sick of our mom telling him that violin was all he was good for. Maybe Kei-chan put the idea in his head. Maybe he thought it would make him look cool. N~o idea.”

“Kei-chan is…Hasumi-senpai?” Aira asked. “Didn’t Tenshouin-senpai know Hasumi-senpai as a child, too? Why didn’t Sakuma-senpai and Tenshouin-senpai know each other back then?”

“Ecchan only knew Kei-chan because Kei-chan’s family did all of the funerals for Ecchan’s family. You know, Ecchan wasn’t supposed to live as long as he has.” Ritsu explained, staring up at the sky that became more and more gray. 

“O-oh,” Aira said, taken back a bit by how morbid that was. “So is it the same for your family, that Hasumi-senpai’s family…” Aira trailed off. If the Sakuma’s were (supposedly) vampires, they probably didn’t have Buddhist funerals. 

“No, my brother’s just weird and liked hanging out in graveyards.” Ritsu rolled his eyes. “Actually, I think they did meet once, he came home one day complaining about “Kei-chan’s spoiled friend” and wouldn’t shut up about it like he was jealous or something.” 

“And Hasumi-senpai is only an idol because of Tenshouin-senpai, right?”

“More or less,” Ritsu shrugged. “And Ecchan’s always loved idols, of course. They must really not tell you anything if you’re asking me all of this, huh?” 

“They tell me things!” Aira felt almost a little offended at that comment. “They just…really don’t talk about themselves that much. And it felt a little rude to ask.”

Ritsu hummed in response. “I’m sure you could ask them anything. If it’s coming from you, they wouldn’t be mad.” A very light sprinkling of rain began. The black-haired boy grumbled a little before standing up. He offered Aira his hand. “Hey, come eat dinner with me. You don’t have anything else to do, right?” 

Aira hesitated for a moment before taking his hand (he just said he didn’t like being touched!), but then nodded and accepted the help up. “I’d really like to keep talking with you, Saku-“ Ritsu’s kind eyes suddenly turned to a glare. “I mean, Ritsu…onii-chan…”

That earned Aira a pat on the head. “Good boy, good boy. Let’s go inside before we get completely drenched.” The two hurried back to the elevator. Once inside, Aira ran his hands through his hair as Ritsu selected the floor. “Heh. I just remembered Ecchan told me you hit my brother in the face when he tried to bite you. That’s funny.”

“I didn’t mean to hit him!” Aira insisted, mortified that Eichi had told someone. “He…he just startled me and I reacted!”

“Still funny. He deserved it. Although,” Ritsu’s eyes narrowed. “Can’t say I blame him for trying. You know I can hear how fast your heart is going right now? How fast your blood is moving in your body?” He turned and took a step forward, effectively backing Aira up into the corner of the elevator. “You should let me do it. I bite way more gently than him, anyways.”

Aira could swear he felt his brain fizzle out right then and there. Luckily (?), before Aira could even start to form any response, Ritsu chuckled and patted him on the head again. 

“Ju~st kidding. Let’s go see what’s to eat today.”

—

After Ritsu’s teasing in the elevator, the conversations that the two had were surprisingly normal, and Aira felt like he could call the other boy his friend. Eventually they were joined by Tsukasa, who seemed to be so happy to have found friends to eat with that he ordered a bunch of different desserts for them all to split. Aira gladly helped eat the various cakes and sweets, but Ritsu only took a bite here and there, promising to bake Aira something much nicer in the future. 

The three chatted for a good while after their food was finished, until Tsukasa’s phone began to ring. He said his ride was there to take him back to his family’s home for a few days. He mentioned something about his father’s recovery going smoothly, and Aira felt a little bad that he didn’t know Tsukasa was dealing with something as scary as an ill family member. The three left the building together to walk the redhead to the car that waited for him, Ritsu telling him he had to be back in a couple days because Tsukasa was the only one who handled the newer members of Knights well. Tsukasa disagreed but promised he’d return as soon as he could.

After it became just Ritsu and Aira again, the two made their way back to the dorms. The pair split ways when Ritsu saw Mao and Yuuki on one of the couches in the common room, leaving Aira to head to the elevators alone. He didn’t really have a productive day at all, but it was nice. 

Unlocking the door, Aira was greeted by a very tired looking Eichi. The older man seemed to brighten up a bit when he realized Aira had entered. 

“Shiratori-kun, you’re back, I’m so happy to see you.” He rose from his bed where he was reading a book. 

“I should be saying that to you, Tenshouin-senpai!” Aira replied as he took off his jacket. “Did you have a lot to do?” 

“Not too much,” Eichi’s eyes drifted just a little to the side of Aira, not really looking at anything in particular. “Dealing with my family sometimes can be…quite exhausting.” 

“I’m sorry,” Aira meant that genuinely. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Eichi chuckled. “Thank you for always being pleasant to return home to. I appreciate the offer; maybe another time when I’ve had a bit more rest. I was actually going to go to sleep early, but I was waiting for you to come back.”

“You didn’t have to wait up for me!” 

“I wouldn’t have stayed up much longer,” Eichi assured him with a smile. “To be honest, after the past couple of days, I really just wanted to be here. I often find myself feeling more like this is “home” rather than my family’s home.”

“I feel the same way, senpai,” Aira grinned. 

“Ah, that makes me happy to hear.” The older man replied. “While I was gone, did you do anything interesting?”

“Actually, the past few days have been really boring since everyone is busy,” Aira recalled as he plugged his phone into the charging cable by his bed. “Today at least I had dinner with Suou-senpai and Ritsu-onii-chan—“

Aira could kick himself; he told himself (and Ritsu) he wouldn’t refer to Ritsu like that, but after being glared and glowered at time and time again over dinner when referring to him as anything else, it must have just…stuck. He felt his face turn red, wholly embarrassed, and the look of pure amusement that Eichi was giving him was not helping. 

Rei chose this moment to return, looking every bit as exhausted as Eichi did. He let out some sort of a groan before practically throwing his arms around Aira, not exactly a hug but more like a need for support, as he placed his entire weight on Aira’s small frame. The younger boy stumbled back onto his bed, bringing Rei with him.

“Oh, Shiratori-kun,” Rei greeted, as if he hadn’t been aware that Aira was there before. “Forgive me, I haven’t gotten much sleep this weekend.” A pause, as he seemed to contemplate something. “Were you with Ritsu earlier?”

“H-how could you possibly-“

“Yes, Shiratori-kun, what was it that you just said?” Eichi interrupted him, smiling sweetly. “ I had dinner with Suou-senpai and Ritsu-onii-chan ?”

Aira didn’t hear the end of it for another hour after that.

Chapter Text

Aira ran into his roommates at a small cafe and didn’t think anything of it. 

Mika had told him of a tiny cafe about fifteen minutes away from Ensemble Square that Shu used to frequent. It was far enough away from the city that all the shops there were tiny things, the kind that were ran by just a couple of people and usually only took cash. The cafe was quiet and (according to Mika, who was quoting Shu) they had the best croissants in Japan. Aira didn’t care much for croissants, but Mika had also told him that their sweets were also wonderful, and they had a lot of fancy coffee drinks that he thought Aira might like. 

And so one Friday, when Aira didn’t have school due to a holiday, he made his way there, planning to make a little trip of going to the cafe and then a few idol goods stores. If the cafe was as cute as Mika made it sound, he’d get a few good pictures out of it for his social media. Aira wondered if he should have gone shopping first so he could take pictures with the idol merch in front of whatever food he ordered? Ah well. Another time. 

After finding the place hidden down a back street (it was indeed very cozy and cute), Aira gazed at the sweets and pastries through the glass for a good five minutes before heading in and ordering a slice of strawberry cake and an iced vanilla coffee. There were only a couple of tables inside, but luckily all of them were empty. All of them except-

“Sakuma-senpai? Tenshouin-senpai?” Aira didn’t recognize the two sitting at the table in the corner at first, but it was definitely them. Rei had his hair pulled back in a low ponytail and was wearing his glasses that he usually only put on when he was reading. Eichi wore a white paper mask, though Aira wasn’t sure if he was wearing it to obscure his identity from fans or just because he needed it for health reasons. 

The pair seemed just as surprised to see Aira there, but welcomed him over to their table. 

“If I’m not mistaken, this isn’t where you usually come, Shiratori-kun?” Rei asked as Aira sat down. “Of course, this is my first time here, Itsuki-kun had told me it was nice.”

“Oh, yeah, Kagehira-senpai told me that Itsuki-senpai said this place was good so I wanted to try it!” Aira nodded. He looked between the two of them. “Did you come here together?”

“Ah, it was just a coincidence that Sakuma-kun and I are here at the same time,” Eichi chuckled, pulling down his mask a bit so he could sip his tea. “It wasn’t Itsuki-kun that told me about this place, but rather Wataru, although that’s probably where he learned about it from.”

“The three of us ended up here at the same time?! Uaa, that’s so love~ly!” Aira exclaimed. He pulled out his phone and started arranging his cake and drink on his tray to look as aesthetically pleasing as he could. After taking a couple pictures he finally took a bite of his cake and sighed in pleasure from how fluffy it was. 

Eichi chuckled at Aira’s reaction. “Were you out by yourself today?”

“For a little bit before practice, there’s a couple of Akiba idol units that had releases this week - oh and Switch’s new single too, right?” Aira took a quick sip of his drink. “There’s a few shops I like to go to that sell second hand idol goods, too, so I was going to go there to see what older goods I can find.” Another quick sip, a little bite of cake. “Are both of you free? Do you want to come with me?”

The blonde looked up from his plate at the other two. They were both looking at him, smiling, but Aira didn’t miss the quick glance Eichi shot Rei, some sort of hesitant look. 

“A-ah, um, I guess maybe that would be really boring if you don’t collect merch,” Aira started to babble. “And I guess it would be kind of risky to go to a place like that, I mean, I’ve never had a fan come up to me when I go there, but I’m not you guys, so-“

“Shiratori-kun,” Rei interrupted. “I’ve never been somewhere like that; I’d very much enjoy you sharing it with me.” 

“I think I could consider it research to see what underground idols are popular right now,” Eichi added. 

And that was how the three of them spent the afternoon. Aira tried not to feel like a kid who was getting to have a day out with both his parents, but admittedly he didn't try very hard. The two older men seemed genuinely interested in all of the things Aira told them, from which groups he had seen live, the histories of smaller idol units, and his first experiences in idol culture. After a solid ten minutes of Aira insisting no, he couldn’t possibly accept it, Eichi had even bought him something from one of the second hand shops that he had his eyes on for months - a deluxe edition of the first CD from the first idol group Aira had ever fallen in love with (complete in box with all of the extra stickers and keychains still included!). 

After a few hours, Eichi departed from the group, calling a car to take him back to ES. Rei said farewell not too long afterwards, leaving Aira to visit a few other places before the sun fully set. Feeling accomplished with his haul, Aira headed back to the dorms to spend the next few hours with Hiiro and Kohaku, excited to show them what he got that day. 

-

Aira didn’t frequent the Yumenosaki library enough to know where most things were. Why couldn’t he just use an online reference? Why did this essay require citing a physical book? The blonde thought this was very outdated. 

“Shiratori-kuN,” a voice came from behind him. Aira practically yelped before turning around to see Natsume, standing where there was definitely no one there seconds prior. 

“S-Sakasaki-senpai!” Aira exclaimed, before cringing a bit at how loud his voice had come out. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s been a whiLE.” The redhead crossed his arms over his chest. “You share a room with Rei-nii-sAN.” A statement, not a question. 

“Oh, yeah, I do. And Tenshouin-senpai.”

“I didn’t ask about that empeROR.” Natsume scowled at him. “Rei-nii-san has been avoiding mE. You can find out wHY.” 

“Sakuma-senpai is avoiding you?” Aira asked. “I can ask him, but do you know anything about it? Like, did he just start doing it out of nowhere?”

Natsume leaned against a table. “Maybe avoiding isn’t the right woRD, but he’s doing that thing he does where he won’t give me a straight answer on anyTHING. He just changes the subjECT.” 

“Oh,” Aira wasn’t really sure what to say to the older boy, not with the sparse information he was given. 

“I’m not worrIED, but it’s annoyiNG. And the book you’re looking for is in that section over thERE,” Natsume pointed to a shelf behind Aira. 

“Huh?” Aira turned to look behind him, and sure enough the titles on the spines of the books seemed like something he could use for his essay. “How did you even-“ he turned his head back to Natsume, but Natsume was nowhere to be seen. 

-

Aira had told Hiiro to go back to the dorms without him, but the incident in the library had him a little shaken. He now regretted not asking Hiiro to wait for him while he had worked on his essay. Although, Switch did advertise themselves as a group of magicians, and Aira was pretty sure Natsume was the real deal. Maybe he should just accept this as normal behavior. 

Hiiro, luckily, was waiting for Aira in the shared kitchen, waving when he saw the blonde enter. Aira made his way over, and saw that Souma and Kanata were with Hiiro as well. A big spread of raw vegetables and fish lay on the counter before them, with Kanata standing at the stove over a large pan. 

“Aira! Kanzaki-senpai and Kanata-senpai are teaching me about the fish that live in Tanegashima!” He beamed before shamelessly giving Aira a big hug. “You and Kohaku and I should go!”

“Hiro!” Aira didn’t mind the affection, of course, but. Public. “Y-you’re cooking together? It already smells really good!”

“Buchou-dono is a wonderful teacher!” Souma exclaimed as he enthusiastically descalled a fish. “Shiratori, would you like to learn?” 

“Umm,” Aira eyed the beheaded creature on the cutting board. He didn’t have a problem with eating fish, but actually preparing it…

“it’s fun when everyone “helps,” but just “hanging out” is fine, too,” Kanata said calmly as he swirled the oil around in his pan. 

Aira let out a sigh of relief as he tried not to watch Souma gutting the fish. “I can help with the vegetables, though! I can’t do anything fancy but I’m good at cutting all the pieces the same size!”

“then, “welcome,” little swan.” Kanata smiled and handed him a knife.

“Little swan?” Aira repeated as he quickly washed his hands. 

“rei called you that once. or…maybe it was wataru. hmm.” Kanata pondered this as he tossed in some of the fish. “is rei “behaving” himself?” 

“I guess?” Aira didn’t exactly know what constituted behaving. He pulled over some carrots and started cutting - not quite as fast as Souma but just as evenly as promised. “Oh, did you talk to Sakasaki-senpai recently? I saw him today and he asked me about Sakuma-senpai, too.”

“nacchan? if rei’s “worried” our nacchan, he needs to be “punished.””

“He just said something like Sakuma-senpai wasn’t giving him straight answers about things?” The boy recalled. “I, uh, couldn’t tell if he was actually upset or not.”

“if nacchan asked you, he was definitely “upset.” they’re…both being “bad” again.” Kanata expertly flipped over the fish in the pan. 

“Sakuma-senpai and Sakasaki-senpai?” Hiiro asked, not exactly following the conversation. Aira wasn’t doing much better. 

“i didn’t “say” that.” Was Kanata’s only reply. 

-

It was almost midnight when Aira realized one of his notebooks wasn’t in his bag where it should be. He remembered some time during the meal he had with Hiiro, Kanata, and Souma, he had torn through his bag looking for his phone (which ended up being just on the counter where he had been cutting the vegetables). More than likely, he just forgot to put it back in his bag and it was hopefully still sitting on the table. Aira groaned at his mistake and told his roommates (both lost in their own respective books) he would be back in a moment.

Fortunately, he spotted the notebook right where he thought it would be. Aira grabbed it before heading for the refrigerator, just to check if anyone had left any sweets to share (they hadn’t). 

“Shiratori-kun, y’can’t sleep either?” Mika shuffled into the kitchen area, looking sleepy but content. “There’s cookies on the shelf there.”

Aira tried not to look excited as Mika pulled a tin of cookies out of its hiding place. “I just forgot something down here, buuut I could have a snack with you, Kagehira-senpai!”

“‘S probably more like my dinner, since I lost track of time an’ haven’t eaten in…” Mika looked skyward and shook his head a little as he thought. “…a while.” He popped one on his mouth. 

“You need to take care of yourself, okay?” Aira urged, taking not as many cookies as he was originally intending. 

“Yhh, Ossi-snn-“ Mika paused so he could swallow. “Sorry. Oshi-san’s comin’ back to Japan tomorrow an’ I can’t calm down.”

“Oh, that’s really cool!” Aira exclaimed. Secretly, he hoped this would finally be the time when he could see Valkyrie perform in person. Mika was his friend, and he had long since gotten over getting star-struck by talking with him, but Aira would not hesitate to go full otaku for a Valkyrie live. “It’s been over a month, hasn’t it?” 

“Yeah…” Mika sighed. “‘M really lookin’ forward to actually bein’ with Oshi-san.” 

“Oh!” Aira exclaimed as he remembered what he wanted to tell Mika - Mika, who had jumped at Airas sudden shout. “Um, sorry! But I wanted to tell you that I went to the cafe you told me about the other day. It was really good!”

“Nn, ‘m glad!” Mika beamed. He leaned in a bit, as if there was someone close by who might overhear him. “An’ you did what I told you an’ went with Kohaku-kun and Hiiro-kun, right?”

“Huh? No?” Aira frowned. Did Mika tell him to go with them? He probably did, whoops. “I think they were both busy? I can’t remember. I went by myself, but I ran into my roommates there, so I wasn’t completely alone. Have you had the strawberry cake before?”

“You…ran into Sakuma-senpai an’ Tenshouin-senpai there?” The older boy looked at him like this was something that couldn’t ever have happened. “At the same time? Like, they were there together an’ everything?”

“Yeah, they said they both happened to be there at the same time.”

“At the same time,” Mika repeated. 

“ Yeah ,” Aira was starting to get a little weirded out by Mika’s behavior, and honestly, over all of the people he had spoken to him that day about Rei. “Is this like some secret place that no one is supposed to know about or something? Sakuma-senpai told him Itsuki-senpai told him about it, and Tenshouin-senpai said that Hibiki-senpai probably heard about it from them, too.”

“‘S not a secret,” Mika seemed to be pondering something. “The thing is, that cafe…me an’ Oshi-san…” He laughed nervously. Aira had never seen Mika turn so red. “…I thought it might be a nice place for you an’ them to go on a date, like me an’ Oshi-san would do when they lived here full-time.”

Aira found himself blushing alongside Mika. “O-oh.” He said simply. Thinking back, he supposed the cafe did have a certain kind of atmosphere, and he could imagine Shu and Mika sitting across from one another, holding each other’s hands. Yeah, next time, he’d definitely invite Hiiro and Kohaku. Then... “Wait, so do you think that Sakuma-senpai and Tenshouin-senpai were there-“

“Nnnnagh, not-no!” Mika quickly defended himself. “I mean, those guys hate each other, right? I bet Oshi-san told Sakuma-senpai an’ Hibiki-senpai just ‘cause of the croissants and stuff. Not me an’ them. You know, those eccentrics talk to each other about a lot of stuff.”

“I don’t know if they hate each other,” Aira clarified. “But they said they just met up there by coincidence, and I don’t think they’d lie about that.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Coincidence.” Mika sighed. “We started talkin’ about something real weird, didn’t we?” 

“We did,” Aira laughed. “I’m going to head back up now, try to get some rest before tomorrow!”

The blonde took his notebook and went back to his dorm room. Eichi appeared to have given up on whatever book he had been reading for the night and gone to sleep. Rei was still lounging on his bed, quite awake. 

“Did you find it?” He asked Aira quietly.

“I did,” Aira held up the notebook before putting it into his bag, ready for tomorrow. “I ran into Kagehira-senpai, he said Itsuki-senpai is coming back tomorrow.”

“That’s right, they are, aren’t they?” Rei hummed. “I’ll have to track them down before they leave again.”

“And, um, I saw Sakasaki-senpai today at school,” he said. “He wanted me to ask you why you’re avoiding him. Or something.”

“That child…” Rei sighed and closed his book. “Sorry to get you involved in that, Shiratori-kun. I’ll find time to talk with him.” 

“Is everything okay, though?” Aira couldn’t help but ask. “Actually, Shinkai-senpai also asked about you; he asked me if you were, um, behaving.”

“I believe it’s just a misunderstanding; nothing to worry about.” The older man assured him with a vaguely weary smile. 

Aira didn’t pry any further, whatever seemed to be going on between Rei and Natsume - and possibly the rest of the so-called eccentrics - was quite obviously something that didn’t concern him. 

-

Aira didn’t even remember the previous night’s conversations, not until much later. His mind was preoccupied with classes, and the meeting he would have to attend later that day. Star Pro was planning an anniversary live with almost all of the units under its name, and Aira was chosen to attend the meeting on behalf of Alkaloid. Hiiro, of course, was the first choice for something like this, but his karate club also had activities that day. Eichi had said that since this was just the first meeting to establish the set list and performance order, Hiiro (and Tetora, as well)  could send someone else in their place. 

And so Aira hurried to ES after his last class, to the designated meeting room. He was probably a little early, but of course, early was good. He knocked, and then entered with a polite “excuse me!”

“Ah, it’s the little swan himself! Amazing!” 

Sitting at the head of the meeting table was not Eichi, but Wataru - a person that Aira was convinced was even less of a human than Rei or Ritsu. His chin rested in his interwoven fingers as he looked at Aira, a wide grin on his face. There was no one else but the two of them in the room. Aira wouldn’t say he was intimidated by Wataru, but his presence was just so… much . 

“Hibiki-senpai, are you here in place of Tenshouin-senpai for the meeting?” Aira placed his bag down at the opposite end of the table. Even from that distance, he smelled roses. 

“I would never dream of replacing His Majesty, that would be quite foolish, even for me!” Wataru leaned back in his chair and spread his hands open before him. “My dear swan, can you believe that even His Majesty misplaces his things? It seems impossible, no?” From seemingly nowhere, he produced what Aira recognized as Eichi’s inhaler. “I found it left behind in our practice room yesterday and let him know I would make sure it returns to him safely.”

“If you wanted to leave it with me, I’ll make sure he gets it when he comes in,” said Aira. Wataru’s voice was so loud . 

“I wouldn't - no, couldn’t - ask that of you! This is my task to see to the end!” Wataru spoke as if he was nearing the end of an epic quest. “Besides, I need to let my Emperor know to be more careful if he’s going to be forgetting things like some sort of common person.” 

Aira almost felt that “some sort of common person” Wataru was referring to was him, but there was no way he could have known about him leaving his notebook in the kitchen the day prior. 

“Isn’t it normal to forget things once in a while?” Aira couldn’t help but ask. He knew that Eichi didn’t like being put on a pedestal above others, yet somehow Wataru seemed to be the exception to this rule. “Tenshouin-senpai is really put together, but he’s still human.”

“Is he, now?” Came the amused reply. Aira was starting to feel like he was being toyed with. “Species aside, isn’t it strange that someone normally so careful would slip up and forget something so potentially vital? What do you think could cause such a lapse in judgement, hmm?”

“I don’t know!” Was what Aira was about to exclaim out of frustration, before the door opened without a knock or announcement to Shu, looking quite livid. 

“There you are, you insufferable creature!” They exclaimed, storming forward to stand right in front of Wataru. “The four of you are going to make me tear out my hair at this rate!” 

“Ah, Shu, please don’t! You can tear out mine if you need!” Wataru laughed. “Aren’t your friends supposed to uplift you? Aren’t we doing that? I haven’t checked my phone to see if tonight’s plans changed.”

“The second I get off the plane, you call and inform me that the five of us are having dinner at my house - the house neither I nor Kagehira have been at in months ! I have been doing nothing but shopping and cleaning and cooking since I’ve been back, and then I’m told I need to track you down and drag you to my house that you invited yourself to! If it wouldn’t have made Natume sad, I would have just locked you out and made you eat out on the lawn like an animal!” 

Wataru let Shu rant, smiling happily as if he weren’t being scolded. When they finished, he stood with a flourish and gave Shu’s cheek a gentle tap with his fingers. “I concede, my friend, I was merely running an errand before our meeting time! And if you had but asked any of us to help with your chores, you know we gladly would have assisted. Your stubbornness is still something to behold!”

“My stubbornness is what’s getting you all fed tonight,” Shu grumbled. They seemed to finally realize that Aira was also in the room. “Shiratori. I apologize for whatever perverse comments this one was making. You look well.” 

“It’s good to see you again, senpai!” Aira said lamely. 

“Farewell, little swan, please complete this poor jester’s quest so he may rest easy!” Wataru called as he was physically pulled from the room. 

Aira leaned back in his chair, letting out a breath. He looked at his bag sitting on the table, which now had Eichi’s inhaler resting on top. Somehow. 

The internet only had the barest of information about the fabled “five eccentrics” of Yumenosaki academy. Aira decided he wanted to research them a little bit more. 

Chapter Text

Eichi coughing at night was nothing new, but tonight it sounded particularly bad. When he coughed, it seemed to shake his whole body, and would leave him clutching his sheets. 

Usually Aira would only notice his coughing when he was still awake, but this night the sound of it actually woke him up from sleep. A quick glance at his phone showed that it was almost three o’clock. He heard the older man slam his hand down on the mattress, either in frustration or pain. 

“Just get some water,” Rei sleepily mumbles from his bed. 

“I-if-“ Eichi’s voice gets stuck, he coughs again. “If I get out of bed now, I won’t be able to fall back to sleep.”

“Are you sleeping now?” Came the irritated reply. 

“…I apologize for d-disturbing y-“ Eichi gets cut off by his own body again, not a cough but his voice literally getting stuck in his throat. Rei sighs and gets up himself, gets a glass of water for the blonde and sets it on his bedside table. 

“Drink.” Rei commands. A pause, then, “What’s wrong with your hands?”

“You know I get cold easily,” the other man replied. Aira heard the glass being lifted from the table and Eichi taking a long sip. “T-thank you for the water, Sakuma-kun.”

“ I get cold easily, your hands look like they’re about to fall off of your arms,” Rei chides. Aira listened as Rei went back to his own bed, and grabbed what sounded like two or three of his heavy comforters before tossing them down, presumably on top of Eichi. 

“I ap-appreciate your kindness,” Eichi shivers, voice muffled under the blankets. “I won’t need them for t-that long; after I get so cold like this, I eventually get so hot I can’t stand it.”

A pause, then a mumbled, “You’re already burning up, Tenshouin-kun.”

“Feels s-so cold, though.” 

The quietness of his voice scared Aira a little. Of course he knew Eichi was physically weaker and prone to sickness, but he really sounded bad . Should he get up and help as well? What even could he do? 

“I’m guessing you’d rather not call your doctor.”

“If I do, they’ll only insist I go to the hospital. StarPro has a big meeting tomorrow…”

Silence for a moment, aside from the slight rattling sound that was Eichi’s breathing. “You’re still so troublesome,” Rei sighed. Aira heard the weight on Eichi’s bed shifting. “Let me know when you start getting hot. I’ll run a cool bath.” 

“Sakuma-kun, you d-don’t-“ 

“I know.” 

A few more sounds of blankets rustling, then the room fell into almost-silence again. Aira tried to force himself to stay awake just a little bit more, just to make sure things were okay, but the sounds of mostly steady breathing lulled him back to sleep. 

—

Aira’s alarm was more often than not the first one to go off on weekday mornings. He reached for his phone to silence it before it disturbed his roommates. He spent a minute or two rolled up in the warmth of his sheets, checking his various social media feeds to make sure he didn’t miss anything important during the night. 

After a long, almost cat-like stretch, he sat up and started his trek to the bathroom. It took a moment, but suddenly it registered to Aira that Rei (and half of Rei’s comforters) were asleep in Eichi’s bed, Rei curled up around the other man. Eichi had a good bit of the blankets bundled up in his arms, as if it were a pillow or stuffed toy. His hair, especially his bangs, were much more mussed about than they normally were after sleeping, and his pajama top was bunched up strangely on his body, as if he had been tossing and turning. 

Aira couldn’t do anything but stare, slowly remembering the conversation he overheard last night. He was staring, but it felt like this is really something he should not have been staring at; something much too intimate. Wait. Not intimate , that was Aira’s imagination defaulting to idol ota mode. But still, a certain sort of intimate; a sort of gentleness that Aira had never seen Rei show Eichi. 

He forced himself to stop staring and hurried into the bathroom. Eichi’s alarm would usually go off about thirty minutes after Aira’s, and the younger boy really wanted to make his escape before then. This very much felt like a situation he should not be a part of, even if it was in his room, right in front of him. As he washed his face and then tried to make his hair behave, Aira noticed signs that Rei did indeed run a bath for Eichi last night. Of course he didn’t want his roommate to be sick, but knowing that it had driven Rei to take care of Eichi made Aira happy. No hidden insults, no snippy comments, just his two senpai that he respected and admired actually getting along. 

—

Aira was trying really, really hard to keep it together and not be a nervous wreck. Probably everything was fine, Rei had assured him earlier that things were fine and this just happened sometimes. It was normal. Maybe that was true, but this was Aira’s first time in a hospital since he was a child, when he watched an older family member wither away, and he felt justified in feeling a bit freaked out. 

When Aira had returned to the dorm after class that day, Rei had told him that he had to call for Eichi’s medical staff to come and take Eichi to the hospital. When Rei was getting ready to leave, he said he had noticed Eichi’s breathing didn’t sound that good, and he wouldn’t rouse when Rei tried to wake him. And this was apparently somewhat normal? Rei told him that it would both make Eichi happy and calm Aira’s nerves if he went to visit. 

So there he was. It smelled weird, too clean. Aira walked so he was almost touching the wall with his shoulder, but he still felt like he was in the way of a nurse rushing by or another visitor. He was almost to the room Eichi was in, and Aira was so scared that he’d enter to see his roommate in the same state his now-departed relative had been in. 

He contemplated just leaving; Eichi probably didn’t even know he was coming. The guilt he’d feel, though, would far outweigh how temporarily uncomfortable he was now. And so, with a deep breath, he knocked on the door and entered. 

“Shiratori-kun!”

Aira let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Eichi looked just as he usually did, aside from the IV in his arm and nasal cannula across his face. He was smiling at the boy, an idol magazine open in his lap. (Aira tried not to look at this, this was very much not the time and place, but it was clearly an advance copy of the latest issue that featured multiple full-page spreads of the latest cover song project between Ryusetai and Ra*bits and Aira wouldn’t get his own copy until the street date later that week!)

“You can come in, please do.” Eichi closed the magazine (no, it looked too cute!) and set it aside. “I’m so happy that you’ve come.”

“How are you feeling?” Aira made his way over to one of the chairs by the bed and sat down, setting his bag on the other chair. He didn’t like that when Eichi spoke, it seemed to be a bit of a strenuous thing for him to get the words out and air back in. “I got really worried when Sakuma-senpai told me you had to be taken to the hospital…”

“I promise I’m quite alright,” The older man reached over and patted Aira’s head, something that seemed to be more soothing for Eichi than Aira. “I simply overworked myself. Trying to get things in order for the anniversary live and a couple other projects…well, I need to start being more open to letting others share the workload.” 

“Isn’t that what the other employees of StarPro are there for?” Aira asked him. 

“They are,” He nodded. “When it’s something important to me, I tend to try and do as much of it myself so I know it will get done correctly.”

“I mean, I get that, but if you work so hard you make yourself sick, you’re not going to get any of it done.” Aira pointed out. 

“You’re absolutely right, Shiratori-kun.” Eichi chuckled as much as his body would allow. “I apologize for worrying you. If I acted strangely last night, please try to forget it.”

“If you…?” 

“I was already starting to feel ill yesterday, and embarrassingly, I don’t even remember leaving ES yesterday, let alone what I may have said to you or Sakuma-kun last night out of the frustration of being sick.” The older man admitted. “I’ve been told sometimes I might be a bit rude when I’m under the weather.”

“N-no, I don’t even think we spoke that much yesterday?” Aira said, stuttering a bit as he tried not to think of what he had witnessed that morning.

“Really? See, I have been rude to you.”

“No, no, I understand!” said Aira. “Don’t worry about something small like that, just try to get better and come back.”

“I’ll try not to fret about it, then.” He turned to his bedside table and presented Aira with the magazine. “You weren’t being shy about staring at it, were you? You would enjoy it much more than I would.”

“No, I mean—it hasn’t even come out yet and-“ Aira looked at Eichi, eyes wide and honest. “Senpai, look at them . It’s so cute !”

“Fufu, it is incredibly cute, hmm? Did you watch this show when you were a kid?” The way that Eichi referred to it as “this show” implied to Aira that he had no idea what Hamtaro was. 

“All the time, and I had a bunch of the games too! It’s really nostalgic to see something like this.” Aira exclaimed. “Did you not really watch anime when you were growing up? Every one knows what Hamtaro is.”

“I wasn’t allowed to watch TV at home.” The unit leader explained. “Of course when I was alone in the hospital, I could watch whatever I wanted, but…for the most part, anime, tokusatsu, and even dramas and comedy shows weren’t very interesting to me. The most exposure to any popular media was when Keito used to bring me whatever manga he liked at the time. There was one that he brought me that I did kind of like; it apparently had been running for a while, maybe I should see if it ever finished.”

“Maybe you would like it more now that you’re an adult?” 

“Perhaps,” Eichi smiled. A pause, then, “Shiratori-kun, when I return in a couple of days, you should tell me about what else I should have been watching when I was a kid.”

“Uaa, absolutely!” Aira began making a mental list of popular shows and movies from when he was younger. He decided that when Eichi returned, he would insist upon a night on the couch with his roommates and popcorn. He was incredibly glad that he had begun to take Ritsu’s advice seriously - the advice about asking Eichi and Rei more about themselves. True to what the younger Sakuma had said, neither of the two had gotten mad at anything he had asked so far, and in fact, Aira felt that it had brought them closer. 

-

When Aira had told Rei that he would visit Eichi in the hospital, Rei bid him farewell and told him he would see him later. Later, apparently, did not mean later that night. It was after midnight and Aira was alone. This wasn’t anything new, of course, but that night he really felt alone. The noises from the hallway when someone walked by, the ambient noise of the aircon…they all seemed miles away and honestly…a little scary. 

He felt silly, laying in bed wide awake and jumping whenever he heard a nearby door close. He didn’t even know why he was feeling this way. Perhaps it was from Eichi being in the hospital, although seeing him and seeing that he was mostly okay did relieve most of his worries, just like Rei said it would. Perhaps he was just overtired, but then why couldn’t he sleep? Aira turned over to face the two empty beds. At some point before Aira returned from school, any evidence of whatever care had gone on between the two older men was gone - the comforters were back on Rei’s bed and the towels that were left out in the bathroom were put away. 

Aira wondered if Rei knew from the beginning that Eichi would end up in the hospital; he vaguely remembered hearing him ask if he needed to call the doctor. The reason that Rei did the things he did could have been to give Eichi some sort of solace before he would end up in an isolated room, hooked up to IVs. And if he didn’t know that’s how things would end up, did Rei feel guilty about it? Like he didn’t do enough? Aira imagined he would have felt that way. Maybe Eichi knew that he would end up in the hospital as well, and just wanted to prolong the inevitable as much as possible. 

Aira’s brain just wouldn’t be quiet. He was a little mad at his brain for thinking anything inappropriate about whatever had happened between the two in the early hours of the morning - it must have been purely comfort. Eichi may not have remembered it, but Rei certainly would have (and must have realized that Aira had seen them, too). It would be comforting, wouldn’t it, when you’re feeling horrible and alone to just feel someone else there for you? Ugh. Aira was lonely enough that if he were there, he might have asked Rei if he could sleep in his bed with him, like he was a child. 

But he wasn’t a child and Rei wasn’t there. And so, he pulled his phone out from under his pillow and pulled up the group text between himself, Hiiro, and Kohaku. 

“Are either of you up?”

Hiiro was more than likely fast asleep by now. He usually went to bed much earlier than this. Kohaku, however…

“what’s up?”

“Can you come over? I’m kind of really down tonight :(“

Two minutes later there was a soft knock on his door. Aira shot out of bed and let him in. 

“Yer roommates ain’t—Oh.” Kohaku was rendered speechless as Aira wrapped himself around the other boy. Even he was surprised at how hard he was hugging Kohaku. “Love-han…” 

“Sorry,” Aira mumbled into Kohaku’s shoulder. He definitely, absolutely, wasn’t about to start crying. Not at all. “I…it’s been a weird day and I wanted to…I just really needed to feel you.” 

“I get it,” Kohaku wrapped his arms tight around him, wanting Aira to feel safe. “Jun-han says sometimes when he’s real stressed, he can just lay his head on his “Ohii-san’s” lap an’ feel recharged. Would that help?” 

“Do you think you could just get in bed with me and hold me?” 

Aira looked up at Kohaku’s face to see the pink haired boy not meeting his gaze and…a little red? Oh . Aira had just been mentally scolding himself for having thought the same thing could have been something inappropriate between his two seniors. It shouldn’t be surprising then that Kohaku - his boyfriend who he invited to his empty room at midnight - might think something similar. 

“L-Love-han, don’t ya think that’s a little…an’ without Hiiro-han with us…should’n’ the first time-“

“Nonono - Kohakucchi don’t be stupid, I just said I was feeling down!” Aira hopped back, equally as red. “I, um, sorry. I didn’t mean you were stupid,” Now he was starting to tear up a little, frustrated that he said that. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Kohaku pulled Aira close again, one hand stroking his back and the other holding Aira’s hand. “My bad for gettin’ the wrong idea. Let’s lay down, yeah?”

“Mmkay,” Aira sniffled. The two went back to his unmade bed and got under the covers, the blonde swiftly scooting back to be flush against Kohaku’s chest. Warm. Kohaku buried his face into Aira’s hair and hummed happily, wrapping an arm around so he could continue holding Aira’s hand.

“Not to kill the mood, but if yer roommates come back, won’t that be a little weird?”

“They’re not coming back tonight,” Aira mumbled, already feeling much more calm and sleepy. He had no way of knowing for sure that Rei wasn’t coming back, but he had a sort of gut feeling that he was somewhere else for the night. He tried to say something else, probably some sort of thanks, but it just came out as a sleepy sort of murmur. 

“Yer so cute, Love-han,” Kohaku whispered, giving the back of Aira’s head a little kiss before the two fell asleep. 

Chapter Text

Ensemble Square’s anniversary live was on the horizon. It was set to be the biggest production between the four agencies, boasting a wide range of units performing. Tickets to Tokyo Budokan sold out almost a day after they were released. A week before this live was set to occur was Starmaker Production’s anniversary live. It wasn’t at as large of a theater as ES’s (not due to lack of funding, of course, rather to emphasize the importance of ES as a whole), but still at a very impressive venue. Work for these two events had been happening behind the scenes for months, and now everyone’s hard work was about to pay off. From idols, to the marketing team, to producers, even to the interns, everyone at ES felt as if they were about to hit a huge climax. 

On a much smaller scale, in a much smaller venue, ten days before StarPro’s anniversary live, Aira sat backstage before a lighted mirror, the other members of Alkaloid on either side of him. It wasn’t an anniversary live, and it wasn’t any sort of special live. Just a show. They had been warned that attendance for this live may not be as much as it had been in the past, due to the two bigger lives in the future (which made sense to Aira; if he only had money to spend on either a show with one unit or a larger show with many, he would definitely choose the latter). That wouldn’t mean that they would give any less than their best. 

Lives weren’t a new thing anymore, but Aira still got pre-show jitters. He was long done with putting on his stage makeup, but couldn’t find it in himself to get off of the stool he sat on, as if his limbs were made of lead. Hiiro, on the other hand, was bouncing around the small room, bouncing on the balls of his feet as if he was overfilled with hype and about to explode. Aira glanced at Mayoi, also hunched over on his stool, practically shaking as he tried (and failed) to open the cap of his setting spray. Tatsumi, calm and collected as always, gently took the can and asked Mayoi to close his eyes so he could apply it for him. 

Aira knew that while Mayoi might be even more of a nervous wreck than him right now, as soon as they stepped on stage, Alkaloid’s clover would bloom and become a practically different person. For as nervous and self-depreciating as he was, Mayoi had gotten much better about harshly critiquing his own performance. Aira still struggled with imposter syndrome before, during, and after every live. He knew from the very first live that he was the weakest link, but lately, as Mayoi, Tatsumi, and Hiiro seemed to be improving and soaring, Aira…

…I’ve never stopped being an “underachiever”…

It was something that had been building up inside him for a while, and something he had really wanted to talk about, knew he needed to work through, but…he didn’t want to burden anyone with what he felt was just complaining. Just being immature. Just a slump he needed to work through. He felt a little sick feeling in his stomach just by thinking about it, all of the negative feelings that had slowly but steadily made a home inside of him, but…

One of the stagehands knocked on the door and let them know they had two minutes. Tatsumi gathered them close and said a small prayer, as he did before every live. The group of four hugged each other tight before heading out the door to the stage. Aira threw himself into the performance, trying his hardest not to listen to his brain. There may have been a smaller turnout, but Aira couldn’t even tell with the sea of penlights before them. The live flew by and before he knew it, the group was giving their final bow, waving to the crowd, expressing their love and gratitude. Mayoi even asked the audience to make sure they were careful on their way home because of the rain. 

And just like that it was over. It was their last performance before StarPro’s anniversary live, and it seemed to go well. Aira was vaguely aware of the fact that he didn’t feel all there and was mostly running on autopilot. He blinked and he had taken off his makeup. A few seconds had passed and he was back on his street clothes. He swore it was only ten o’clock, but then suddenly it was almost midnight and he was back at Starmony Dorms, Hiiro shamelessly kissing him deeply in the elevator before they hit the second floor. Aira almost stumbled backwards from the other boy’s enthusiasm, but managed to wrap his arm around the redhead’s neck. 

“I will see you later, okay?” Hiiro said as the door slid open, giving the blonde one more small kiss before leaving to his own room. The door slid shut again and the elevator continued to the third floor. Aira let out a flustered noise and let his head knock on the wall. 

…Hiiro is really too good for me…

Being on the third floor, closest to the roof, the sounds of the rainstorm outside were almost enough to drown out his thoughts. Almost, but not quite. He was relieved that it was only Eichi in the room, already asleep. More than likely, Rei would have been awake if he were there, would have greeted him and asked how the live went, and Aira…really didn’t feel like saying much of anything at the moment. He threw on his pajamas, brushed his teeth and did the bare minimum of his skin care, and then flopped into his bed, trying to focus on the sounds of the rain and wind. 

-

The rain was still going when Aira groggily woke up, and going even harder when he was suddenly invited to accompany Eichi to a meeting of one of his circles, Flavor. 

“Kazehaya-kun and Hiyori-kun have already said they wouldn’t be there, and because of the rain Ritsu-kun probably won’t come as well.” Eichi explained as he gently pushed Aira out the door with one hand, texting a driver with his other. “We were going to try a new cafe that opened up a little way away from here. Shiratori-kun should treat himself after a good show yesterday~”

And while normally Aira would jump at the chance to spend more time with his roommate, today he almost found himself saying “no.” Almost. For whatever reason - and in great contrast to the gloomy weather - Eichi seemed to have an almost child-like enthusiasm about him that day, and Aira didn’t want to be the one to ruin that. 

Which is how he found himself in the back of a fancy car, recounting the previous day’s live to Eichi. He tried to sound as positive as possible, but realized he was also speaking very vaguely about the experience as well. They arrived at the cafe after about fifteen minutes. Somehow, despite the entrance being no more than ten feet from the road and both of the boys holding umbrellas, they found themselves quite soaked as they stepped through the door. Aira was briefly worried about Eichi’s wet clothes and hair making him feel cold and sick, but he turned to the older man to see him laughing at their situation. 

“Aah, Eichi-onii-chan is here! And Shiratori-kun as well!” A pleasant voice came from around the decorative plants that adorned the entryway. Hajime quickly made his way to the two, all smiles as always. He led them to the table where they were met with not only a wide spread of finger foods, treats, and several types of tea, but also one very deflated-looking Ritsu. 

“Ritsu-onii-chan, please don’t sleep inside of a cafe,” Hajime patted his shoulder carefully as he sat back down. 

“Ecchan could make the rain stop if he wanted,” Ritsu mumbled as he slowly sat upright. 

“Ritsu-kun, I’m honestly surprised to see you here,” Eichi let Aira sit between himself and Hajime. “And how exactly can I stop the rain?”

“Pay the gods,” Ritsu stared at him blankly, as if it were obvious. “Tell them to cancel typhoon season. And I was already nearby when Haakun texted.” 

“Ritsu-onii-chan’s family home is near here,” Hajime supplied, already beginning to serve Eichi tea, rambling about the three different types that they two had already ordered to try. Eventually, Aira was aware that Hajime had turned to him, looking expectantly as if he had asked a question. He probably had; Aira had been spacing out and looking at the decor. Quite frankly, he felt a little out of place even though he was among friends.

“Um,” Aira said unhelpfully. Now Eichi was looking at him too. 

“If you don’t know which one to try, that’s okay!” Hajime went ahead and started pouring one of the teas for him (apple? maybe he said this one was apple?). “It’s fun to try a lot of new things, that’s why we came here today…” A little honey joined the tea. “Although it would have been nice if the rest of Flavor could have come.”

“With the three of us, it’s like last year at tea club,” Ritsu seemed to be hiding a smile behind his scone. “Aira-kun should join tea club at school so I can lay on his lap when Haakun isn’t there.”

“You do what in tea club?” Aira looked up from his reflection on his cup, only half-hearing the conversation. 

“While I enjoy when all of us are able to attend, I’m not exactly fond of entering each meeting of Flavor with Hiyori-kun exclaiming that he’s surprised I’m still alive.” Eichi laughed wryly. 

“He’s so honest about it. It’s funny.” Ritsu smirked. 

Aira listened to the three talk, half-heartedly nodding and smiling along with the conversation. He knew he was probably appearing uninterested and bored and he really wasn’t trying to. Aira was trying to put on his normal face, his normal voice, but…it kind of hurt to go against how he was really feeling. 

His mind hadn’t shut up since the day before. It was a constant cycle of negativity, his inner voice doubting and insulting his appearance, his talent…his place among friends, his very existence. It would start mildly, with thoughts of, Was he getting any better as an idol? Did fans actually like him? Did his friends care for him the same way Aira cared for them? to a much more negative tone of, I’m the odd one out in Alkaloid. I haven’t improved and I should just quit. I bet they just put up with me out of pity. Then these thoughts would turn into straight-up insults; ugly, untalented, delusional, unloveable. Over and over, all night and all morning, looping in his brain. Talking himself out of it became harder and harder, like it was a dark hole he was trying to climb out of but only making a little progress before slipping even further down. 

It took the lights in the cafe flickering to bring Aira back to the world in front of him. He realized that the sounds of the rain and wind outside were even more fierce than before. 

He also realized, “Where did Shino-senpai go?” 

Eichi and Ritsu exchanged a glance before looking back to Aira. 

“Hajime-kun left about ten minutes ago to help out his family,” Eichi explained, sounding just a bit worried. “You told him goodbye and that you would see him at school.” 

“Aira-kun is even sleepier than me,” Ritsu shrugged. 

“Are you feeling alright, Shiratori-kun?” Asked Eichi. He extended a hand, brushing it over Aira’s forehead. 

…But I don’t deserve to be touched…

Aira found himself slinking back into his seat, away from Eichi, who looked concerned over this unusual display. 

“Ah, well, you’re not running a fever, so-“

“Um, excuse me, sirs,” One of the cafe’s staff members approached their table and gave a polite bow. “I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but because of the typhoon coming in so rapidly, we were going to close in just a bit…we lose power here pretty easily when the wind gets this bad.”

“Of course, thank you for telling us.” Eichi got out his wallet and gave the staff member his card to cover the table. “Although this is a bit of an inconvenience, I told the driver not to come back until two hours from now.”

“I guess you’re just going to be standing outside for two hours.” Ritsu shrugged, taking a final sip of his tea. With a sigh that was absolutely just for dramatics, he added, “If you can manage walking in the rain for ten minutes without dying, my house is nearby.”

“Is it? Well, we don’t have much of a choice, but that sounds much better than hoping another shop nearby will still be open.” Eichi said. His card was returned to him and the three stood and headed towards the door, umbrellas in hand. 

The walk through the wind and rain wasn’t too bad while they were still surrounded by two walls of shops on either side of them. Once they left the shopping district, however, the group was at the full mercy of the impending typhoon’s rage. Aira found himself unable to even look straight ahead because of the angle of the rain, instead having to look down at Ritsu’s legs to follow him. They might as well have not even bothered with using their umbrellas. 

Aira found himself following Ritsu to the end of a residential street, past a gate and up a path until they were standing on the front step of a house that Aira hadn’t even been able to make out the details of. Ritsu fumbled with his key until finally they were inside. Aira could feel the rain had seeped through every layer of his clothing, through his shoes and socks. He was uncomfortable and cold, and for whatever reason Eichi was yet again just laughing at their predicament. 

“You’re like a child that finally got allowed to play in the rain.” Ritsu muttered as he toed off his shoes. “Anyway, you can come up to my room. I’ll get some towels and stuff. Aira-kun can wear my clothes; I’ll try to find something of anija’s for Ecchan.”

“That would be very appreciated,” Eichi smiled through chattering teeth. “Shiratori-kun, wouldn’t this be when you would say “uaa, I’m in Sakuma-senpai’s house!”   Or something of the like?” 

“Yes?” Aira blinked, taken slightly back by Eichi’s spot-on impression.

Eichi and Aira removed their shoes and followed Ritsu further into the house. It was…dark. Not pitch black, but dim enough to be comfortable to sleep in. Aira really couldn’t discern much about the house from the low lighting; he could make out the vague shapes of a grand piano in one room and a long table in another. He almost tripped as they were led up a flight of stairs, down a long hallway that was somehow even more poorly-lit than the rest of the house, and then finally through a door that shut incredibly loudly behind them. Ritsu flicked on a lamp (wincing slightly at the sudden light), revealing the bedroom they were standing in was…incredibly normal. 

“Hang on, lemme find towels…” The black haired man drifted off into a connecting room. Aira looked at his surroundings, grateful to finally be able to make out what things were. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting from a bedroom in the Sakuma house, but the room he was in could have been in anyone’s house. It was old looking, but not ill-maintained. The room was a little plain; there were no posters on the wall or any decor. The bed was unmade, piles of blankets and overstuffed pillows thrown here and there, and what looked like one of Knight’s outfit’s was lying discarded in a corner.

Turning to Eichi, Aira tried to joke quietly, “I’m kind of surprised there’s no coffin.”

Ritsu emerged from his bathroom, arms piled with towels. “It’s right there? Duh.” He nodded to Aira’s left, guiding the boy’s eye’s over and to the floor, and, yep, that was definitely a coffin. Remembering the incident months prior with Rei trying to keep his own coffin in the dorm, Aira tried to act like he wasn’t phased by it, but…it was a little weird.

 Ritsu dumped the towels onto his bed so he could pull something out of his drawers for Aira to wear. The two blondes quickly started attempting to get any bit of themselves dry. 

“Ritsu-kun, your house is always quite cold, isn’t it?” Eichi said with a small laugh and not a small cough. He ended up sitting on Ritsu’s bed as he continued to towel his hair, hands shaking.

Ritsu frowned slightly as he handed Aira a sweater and some sweatpants. “You’re getting my bed all wet. I’ll get you something to wear.” He looked at the wall behind Eichi, as if he was contemplating something. “Actually, you go get it. Anija’s in there and I don’t want to talk to him right now.” To Aira he added, “You can change in my bathroom. If you want to take a bath to warm up you can.”

“Um, I’ll be okay, but thanks,” Aira said, heading towards the bathroom. He belatedly wondered how Ritsu knew Rei was in that room. Maybe he had been able to see other shoes in the foyer? Aira certainly couldn’t.

The bathroom was also very old looking, and also very dim. Aira slowly began to peel off his wet clothes and hung them over the edge of the large western-style tub. He couldn’t help but watch himself in the mirror as he did, overanalyzing every bit of his body. Even in the low lighting he saw a million flaws. He stared and stared until after a while he didn’t even feel like he was looking at a human body anymore. 

“Oi…” Ritsu’s voice drifted in through the door. “You good?” 

“Y-yeah! Sorry!” Aira quickly threw on the dry clothes (they were a bit too big but that was just fine) and headed back into Ritsu’s room before he could get distracted again. Ritsu had sprawled himself out on the mountain of pillows on his bed and was idly scrolling through something on his phone. 

“I don’t ever have anyone over so don’t expect me to be a good host.” Ritsu didn’t even look up from his phone as he spoke. “Maa-kun comes over but he doesn’t count.”

“Um, that’s okay, I’m just glad we had somewhere to wait out the storm.” Aira said. “Tenshouin-senpai is in Sakuma-senpai’s room?”

“Yeah, you should go there too. It’s just the next room over. I’m going to nap.” Ritsu promptly rolled over, facing the wall, dropping his phone in the process.

“I can just…” Aira trailed off, not even sure what he was going to say. It was obvious Ritsu wanted to be alone, but he felt awkward just inviting himself into Rei’s room. And it’s not like he could go anywhere else in the (slightly creepy) house. He felt very out of place. 

Sensing his hesitation, Ritsu rolled back over to face him. “Mom’s not home, so she won’t eat you.” He said as if this was somehow comforting. “…Or did one of them say something mean to you? I’ll eat them .”

“No, no, they didn’t!” Aira quickly exclaimed. “I, uh…” He turned away, trying to put a clamp down on the sea of negative emotions that were threatening to spill out. 

“You know,” Ritsu picked up his discarded phone and shoved it under a pillow. “That gross bug is really bad at a lot of things, but he’s kind of good at listening to problems and giving advice.”

“B-but-“ Aira couldn’t even try to stop the tears from welling up in his eyes. “I d-d-don’t want to b-be a bother to anyone…” He dragged a hand over his face, but new tears quickly replaced the ones wiped away. 

“Come on,” Ritsu said firmly, getting out of his bed with a bit more speed than Aira had really ever seen from him off-stage. He put a hand on Aira’s shoulder and steered him towards the door. “We’re going. Open the door.”

Aira sniffled and turned the knob…turned it the other way-

“Oh, right,” Ritsu took the knob himself and pulled sharply, exerting what looked like much more than a normal amount of force to get the door open.

“W-why is it so heavy?” Aira asked as he let himself be led to the next room.

“So prey can’t escape,” Ritsu stated. He didn’t even knock, just pushed open the door next to his (which also seemed like a minor feat). “Ecchan. Anija. This is yours. I’m going to sleep.” He nudged Aira inside and closed the door.

“Ah, Shiratori-kun, you-“ Rei, perched on the lid of his coffin, stopped talking when he actually took a look at Aira’s face. 

“What happened?” Eichi asked from his seat on Rei’s bed (where he was wrapped in about five different mismatched blankets). “Shiratori-kun, you can tell us.” 

Aira had hoped the dim lighting would have prevented the two from seeing his expression, but of course he wouldn't be that lucky. He felt frozen in place, unable to talk, panicking slightly that his roommates, his seniors, his idols , were seeing him act like this. This wasn’t him . 

Rei slowly, gently, extended his hand to Aira. “Would you like to come here?”

And somehow that was all it took for the dam to break. His tears were flowing freely, the sobs he let out shaking his entire body. All of the negative thoughts that had built and built and built inside of him, all of the things he had tried to suppress and ignore, had finally become too much.

He was vaguely aware that he was being pulled, then carefully made to sit on Rei’s bed next to Eichi, who wrapped some of his blankets around Aira. Rei sat on his other side and pulled him close into his chest, stroking his hair gently with the experience of someone who’s had to comfort their little brother in a similar way numerous times. Eichi rubbed a hand on his back, trying to soothe the pain from how hard Aira was crying.

There was a part of Aira that felt he should feel ashamed at this - he was acting like a child seeking comfort from his parents, not a teenager and his adult roommates. At the same time, Aira didn’t really care about that. He was crying and gross and clinging onto Rei’s shirt but neither of the two told him to stop. They didn’t tell him he was being immature or stupid, they didn’t even ask for him to talk. They were just there with him, letting him cry. 

He wasn’t quite sure how long he stayed there, but eventually the tears and shuddering sobs slowed. He sniffled and tried to sit up slightly, wiping at his face with his sleeve before he remembered he wasn’t wearing his own clothes. 

“Let me get you some tissues and water, alright?” Rei got up and left the room. Eichi shifted slightly, pulling Aira closer to him so that his back was against Eichi’s chest. Again, Aira was aware that under normal circumstances this was something that would absolutely have him freaking out, but he was in that fuzzy sort of haze that comes after a hard cry and didn’t want to think about it too much.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The older man asked.

“Uhm,” Aira started after a moment. He coughed a couple times, voice rough and nose congested. “Lately, I…” He wasn’t even sure how to phrase it in a way that didn’t sound simple and stupid, but he was already here. “I’ve been kind of feeling like…down…about everything. I can’t stop thinking that I’m not actually good enough to be an idol, like not talented or pretty or whatever, and I’m just bringing everyone down.” He took a shaky breath. 

Rei came back in the room with a tall glass of water, a handful of tissues, and a cool washcloth. Aira hastily wiped at his face with the tissues before holding the damp cloth to his sore eyes. “Like no matter what I do, I just keep thinking that I can’t improve, and I look weird, and m-my friends and stuff just see me as the odd one out a-a-and I-“ He took another breath, tears starting to fall again, albeit much slower. “I just keep feeling like I d-don’t really belong here or anywhere and I don’t know…what to do. And I didn’t want to bother anyone because I know I’m being really stupid about this.”

“Which part of this is you being stupid, Shiratori-kun?” Eichi asked. “I don’t want you to talk about yourself like that.”

“You know, this old man knows a thing or two about being depressed,” Rei laughed, gently but wryly. “Everything you’ve said, I’ve said the same thing about myself. It felt like it was eating me up inside, even if I knew it wasn’t true.”

“But,” Aira looked up at Rei, at this man he had admired for years. “Of course none of those things are true about you , you’re…just so cool and amazing and talented!”

“Thank you for saying that, but back then, even if all the people on Earth had told me that, it still wouldn’t have mattered. I would have thought they were lying, or that I still wasn’t good enough.” Rei looked off to the side, not really focusing on anything.

“Then how did you make those thoughts stop?” 

“I tried to distract myself by doing dangerous things, or I tried running away from it. It didn’t work.” Rei shrugged. “There are healthier ways to go about dealing with it, and I’m still not perfect at it. But what’s important-“ Rei turned and focused on Aira. “Is that even if you feel like you’re at the bottom, you know that you have people who love you and care for you and absolutely would drop anything to make sure you’re safe and well.”

Aira found himself sniffling again, and had to tear his eyes away from Rei’s intense stare.

“Shiratori-kun, it means a lot to me that you told us about what you’ve been feeling.” Eichi added. “It doesn’t make you any less or any weaker to feel these things. Whatever you find can help you feel better, I want to be able to help you with that.”

“If you don’t know what will help, yet, we can figure it out.” Rei nodded. “And I know that your unit mates and Oukawa-kun wouldn’t be burdened at all by you asking for help.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think any of those things you said about yourself are true.” Eichi continued. “You’ve done nothing but flourish and thrive since you became a member of Alkaloid and I get excited every time I see you perform.”

Thank you,” Aira mumbled, finally taking the water and draining the cup. “I don’t really know what else to say, sorry…but, thank you for being here and letting me cry on you and not make me feel bad about it. I don’t feel all better but I don’t feel anywhere as bad as I did before.”

“And that’s a start, isn’t it?” Rei smiled. 

Now that he wasn’t distracted or crying, Aira could actually take a look around Rei’s room. Like Ritsu’s room, his room was only lit by a dim lamp. Unlike the other room, however, Rei’s room was much more chaotic and unorganized. There were several instruments (violins, guitars, even an electric keyboard) lying about, and multiple bookshelves crammed with books that looked hundreds of years old. Loose papers were here and there, and the desk couldn't have been useable with all of the random knick knacks covering the surface (in the dim light, the only things Aira could really recognize on the desk were an old-looking omamori and a little figure of the local aquarium’s mascot). There was a great window behind the desk, but it was completely covered by a pitch-black curtain. 

“Your room looks so much like you, Sakuma-senpai.” Aira said quietly, turning the empty glass back and forth in his hands. “I was so sad I forgot to be excited that I was here.” 

“Sakuma-kun, he just said you look messy.”

“It’s not— I don’t even come here much anymore, I don’t have time to clean!” Rei said, suddenly defensive. “I only came by today because when it’s raining as hard as it is now, I sleep better in my coffin. It’s soothing .”

“Yes, of course it is,” Eichi waved a hand dismissively. 

“It’s not messy,” Aira clarified. “It’s just really…eclectic?”

The heavy wooden door was pushed open a bit, Ritsu lazily leaning into the frame. “I can’t fall asleep and I’m bored. I’m going downstairs to bake something.” He stood upright and disappeared back into the dark hallway. Aira had been around Ritsu enough times to know that was probably the younger brother’s way of saying “I’m inviting you to come with me and eat.”

The three headed down the stairs, Rei turning on an extra lamp or two as they went. Finally, Aira could actually see the inside of the Sakuma house and…well, it was almost like the stereotypical, old-fashioned, overly-gothic manor that Aira had imagined it would be. He had imagined it would be dusty and overrun with cobwebs, but luckily that part of his imagination had been wrong. The kitchen they eventually gathered in seemed a bit more modern than the rest of the house. 

“Told you I’d bake for you one day,” Ritsu said smugly as he set a plate of… something down in front of Aira. He had heard that Ritsu was supposedly a great baker, and Rei and Eichi didn’t seem too phased by the appearance of the food (?) in front of them, so surely it was fine. It turned out that it was fine, as long as Aira didn’t look at what it was he was eating. 

As it grew closer to evening and the full brunt of the Typhoon began assaulting the outside of the house, it was decided that Aira and Eichi would spend the night (with Ritsu so graciously offering to let Aira sleep inside his coffin, which the blonde quickly refused). Aira wasn’t sure exactly when it happened, maybe when Rei was insisting that they watch some of his favorite episodes of Vampire Shogun (both Ritsu and Eichi occasionally mumbling about how they were being forced to watch it, and Rei asserting no, you don’t get it, you have to watch this part! ) or maybe when Eichi belatedly realized he had never told the poor chauffeur that he wasn’t needed any more that night. Somewhere in the night, Aira realized the heavy weight of doubt and sadness wasn’t really there anymore. He felt like he could breathe again. If he thought about it too much, he realized he might start slipping back into those thoughts that had plagued him for nights on end and he would end up stuck in his head again. So he didn’t. It was much more enjoyable to live in the world before him with his friends. 

Chapter Text

For all of the work and stress that came with putting together a big live, Aira felt surprisingly calm. 

To be fair, it was just a tech rehearsal, just the final run through before StarPro’s anniversary live in a couple of days. Not more than a week ago, though, Aira was almost dreading the experience due to the overwhelming feelings of negativity and doubt that had tried to overtake him. After Alkaloid’s live, the thought of performing with the rest of his agency had his stomach in knots. He then found himself unable to stop from breaking down in front of his roommates, and…somehow that made things okay. Being able to talk to them about something so personal had made him feel like he could breathe again and actually feel like himself. He found it easier since then to combat some of the more negative thoughts that would try to populate his brain and talk himself out of it.

After that day, Aira had (shyly, hesitantly) talked with Hiiro and Kohaku about how he had been feeling. The two were so understanding and reassuring that Aira couldn’t help but start crying all over again. Kohaku shared that he, too, had times when he felt inadequate and like everything he did was wrong. Hiiro was more than reassuring, letting Aira know that he could come to him any time when he was starting to feel depressed and he’d do anything in his power to help. 

Aira had been a little nervous that his roommates might treat him differently after that incident. Now that some time had passed, he did feel kind of embarrassed about crying all over them. Rei, however, had done nothing of the sort, not even bringing it up and just acting as he normally did. It was a small gesture, but it meant a lot to Aira.

Eichi, however…

“Oh, yeah, Madara-han did that to me, too, fer a while.” Kohaku shrugged, sitting across from Aira and Hiiro at dinner. “He noticed I was feelin’ down an’ then tried way too hard to cheer me up.”

“But Aira, wouldn’t you like having Tenshouin-senpai pay more attention to you?” Hiiro asked, moving his omurice back and forth a bit on his plate. 

“Well, yeah , but not because of that.” Aira frowned. He knew he was being a little strange about this. Normally, yes, he would love that one of the idols he looked up to the most was suddenly seeming to go out of his way to talk with him, to invite him places, to see if he needed anything. Normally, he would be freaking out and unable to contain himself. “…it just seems more like he’s doing it because he thinks he has to be nice to me. Not because he wants to.”

“I don’t think he would spend the time and energy on it if he didn’t really mean it, though.” Hiiro pointed out.

“He does weird things sometimes,” Kohaku said. 

“Mikejima-senpai doesn’t treat you like that anymore, right?” Aira asked. “What did you say to him?”

“I told him to cut it out an’ hit ‘em.” The pink haired boy said simply. “Not hard , don’ look at me like that!”

“I’m not going to hit him!” Aira exclaimed. 

“Y’could. Builds character.”

Hiiro had asked Aira why he simply didn’t tell Eichi that it was bothering him. Aira wasn’t even sure how to explain it, but he was worried that it might come off as rude. “Hey, thanks for being nice to me after I was really sad, but can you not be so nice to me? Thanks.” The redhead pointed out that Eichi had said he could talk to him about things like that and Aira was probably just overthinking the situation. Aira said he’d think about it, and it’s not like Eichi was doing anything mean or malicious. 

And so he hadn’t mentioned it to Eichi, not yet. There hadn’t been many opportunities, either, with how busy things had become. He really hadn’t thought about it much for the past day or so. Even though all of the units under StarPro that were involved in the anniversary live were in the theater that day, Aira had only seen Eichi in passing a couple of times. 

Presently, Aira was in the wings of the theater, sitting on an old folding chair, watching Ryuusetai run through their first set of songs on the stage. As was the case with all of the units, the five of them were only halfway wearing their costumes, just the boots and jackets over their regular clothes just to get how the dances would feel with them on. With the exception of Chiaki (who Aira was convinced could not lower his intensity level if his life depended on it), they weren’t performing at their full power so that they didn’t accidentally overdo it before the actual show. Still, they looked wonderful together, so cool and full of energy, and Aira couldn’t wait to see the real thing. Being an idol was of course rewarding in many ways, but being able to see so much behind the scenes from his favorite units was a great reward. He definitely wasn’t taking short videos of their run through performances to watch again later, not at all.

“Shiratori-kun!” Tori bounded up to the blonde happily. Aira quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket as Tori dragged another folding chair over. “Take a picture with me!”

The pair took a few selfies together, struggling a little to get the lighting any sort of decent. Aira couldn’t help but laugh as Tori let out a little frustrated noise when he saw the picture came out blurry again . 

“We can try it again when we’re done tonight,” Aira assured him after Tori sent him the pictures.

“I wasn’t going to post these, anyways~” Tori said happily, flicking back through them. “I like having lots of happy memories. Oh, look at these from our last Eichi Day—“ Tori scrolled back a bit before handing him the phone, showing Aira pictures he had taken at what looked like one of the restaurants in the mall. “We went here once but Long Hair couldn’t come, so we went back when we were all free.”

Aira flicked through the dozens of pictures. Lots of pictures of ice cream, several selfies and selfies with the other members of fine, lots of pictures of Eichi (like, seriously a lot, Aira was a little impressed). 

“Eichi-sama got me this when we went!” Tori motioned to the little wing-shaped phone charm dangling from his case. “It’s cute, right? It came from some commoner shop in the mall but it’s totally cute!”

“It is!” Aira agreed. 

“Eichi-sama knows exactly what kinds of things I like,” Tori said with a laugh, taking his phone back from Aira and looking through the pictures he had just shown him. “I hope you know how nice it is that you get to share a room with him.”

Ryuusetai’s set ended and the group left the stage. After that was a planned intermission, and then Trickstar would take the stage again for their second set. 

“They got through it quicker than I thought,” Aira commented, watching the various stage hands rush around and get set up for the second half. He looked back to where Tori was sitting and almost jumped out of his seat, as Yuzuru had approached them without a sound. 

“After Trickstar, we go on again,” Tori hummed, tapping away on his phone, unphased by the butler’s silent appearance. “Oh, Yuzuru. Where’s Long Hair and Eichi-sama?”

“Hibiki-sama is currently being a bother to Hidaka-sama. I thought it wise to let them be.” Yuzuru stated, sitting next to his charge. “Tenshouin-sama is still in the dressing room. He told me to go on without him, as usual.” 

“As usual?” Aira asked.

“Eichi-sama likes to be alone for a little bit before we perform.” Tori stated simply. 

Aira thought for a moment, trying to recall the few times Alkaloid and fine had performed at an event together. He didn’t necessarily remember if Eichi had been absent before fine took the stage, but then again it’s probably something he wouldn’t have even noticed. Tori had said “a little bit,” and Trickstar still had to run through their set. Adding in the time that the tech crew was working through things to make sure things would go smoothly on performance day, that was definitely more time than “a little bit.” Aira made a decision that this was probably the best opportunity he would get, and told Tori (and Yuzuru) that he would be back in a while. 

Backstage, Aira gave a little wave to Ryuusetai who were gathered in a group as they sipped their water and cooled down. He continued on, down the hallway where the dressing rooms were before reaching fine’s and knocking. There was no answer, so Aira tried again. “Tenshouin-senpai?”

That time the door did open. Eichi looked like he still hadn’t caught his breath since fine’s first run through, but he gave Aira a smile. 

“Shiratori-kun,” He opened the door wider to invite him in. “Are you doing alright? Alkaloid looked really good earlier.”

Aira stepped inside and was almost a little surprised to see that fine’s dressing room wasn’t bigger or grander than Alkaloid’s. He wasn’t exactly sure what he had been expecting, but he had just assumed fine’s would be in some way better. The knowledge that - at least in this regard - the two units were equals made Aira smile a bit (and somehow helped him to not fixate on the fact that he was just able to be in fine’s dressing room so casually).

“Himemiya-senpai said you were here; can I talk to you about something?” 

“Ah, yes, of course,” Eichi sat on one of the chairs by the mirrors and motioned for Aira to join him. “Is everything okay? Do you need something? Are you feeling alright?”

Aira tried not to frown as he sat, the sudden questions overwhelming him just a little. That’s how it had been since that day at the Sakuma’s house. Whenever the two had been in their dorm room at the same time, Eichi had been going out of his way to ask how he was doing, or trying to do something for Aira. “Um, actually, it’s that ?” He started idly messing with the hem of his sleeve. “I don’t want to sound rude, ‘cause like, I really appreciate that you want to make sure I’m okay, but…I don’t want you to think that you have ask me all the time.”

“I don’t feel like I have to.” The older man stated. “As your senpai and your friend, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well, thank you, but…” Aira continued fidgeting with his clothes, not making eye contact. “I’ll be okay? I’m trying to be, anyways. I’m doing a lot better than I was and talking with you and Sakuma-senpai really helped, but, you know, if you’re always asking me about it, it’s like I keep remembering that I wasn’t okay. And I just want things to be like normal, like before. If that makes sense.”

Aira kept his eyes trained on his legs, not wanting to see if Eichi was upset with him. After a minute, he finally said, “I see, I misunderstood what would be helpful for you. Please accept my apology.” Aira glanced up to see that Eichi, too, wasn’t looking straight at him.

“It’s really okay, I just wanted to tell you!” Aira quickly said. He had worried that Eichi might have thought he was being rude, but instead, he looked almost a little sad. 

“You know, Shiratori-kun, that day…” Eichi started, still looking vaguely into the mirror as he rested his chin in his hand. “…I was a little jealous of Sakuma-kun. He seemed to know exactly what to say and do to help you.”

“That doesn’t mean you weren’t helping,” Aira insisted. This wasn’t exactly how he imagined this conversation going. “It sounded like he just had more experience with that sort of thing.”

“Hm,” Eichi’s other hand was circling the rim of his water bottle. “Shiratori-kun, you remind me a lot of myself. If I were born into a normal family with a normal body, I’d probably be just like you.” Outside the dressing room, two pairs of feet ran by, muffled laughter following them. “Even as a child, alone in the hospital, hooked up to machines and being told I might not wake up the next morning, it was drilled into me that as the son of a Tenshouin, I wasn’t allowed to show weakness and fear.”

“That’s really…” Aira started but wasn’t quite sure to even say.  

Eichi’s eyes met Aira’s. “I’ve always been envious of how you see the idol world with such wonder and awe, even after being a part of it and seeing some of its more unsavory parts. But that day…forgive me for saying this, I found myself becoming incredibly jealous of you then as well. How you could cry so openly and freely, despite whatever shame you may have felt.”

It was an odd thing to be jealous of, and Aira didn’t understand it at all, but he also didn’t understand telling a child not to be scared that they might die. It was a very rare thing for Eichi to appear as anything but calm and collected in any situation, and it would make sense if that was a habit that had been formed since childhood. Aira tried to imagine when he was shoved into Rei’s room by Ritsu, if he had to just suck up the overwhelming feelings and act like things had been normal inside of him. Ideally, he would have wanted to have a skill like that, but realistically he knew it would have been impossible. Even if it was possible, wouldn’t it have just made him feel continually worse? 

The muffled sounds of one of Trickstar’s songs began to play from the stage, the tech rehearsal finally advancing forward a bit. “When I was your age, I was trying to cause a revolution,” Eichi continued, his voice a little hard to hear over the music. “I had plans, and didn’t care who got hurt in the process. I probably didn’t walk away unscathed, either. I lost a lot of things I didn’t know I had.”

The younger boy listened silently, not exactly understanding what Eichi was talking about. He knew that Eichi, and subsequently Trickstar, had made Yumenosaki (and to a degree, the whole of the idol scene) a better place, but he didn’t know what the older man meant about hurt and loss. He made a mental note to ask one of his seniors at a later time. Aira was paying attention to Eichi’s face, the expression he bore looking quite similar to the one Aira felt he had worn the whole week or so he had been feeling depressed.

“Back then, I wonder…” Eichi’s voice was almost so low that Aira couldn’t hear him. “If I had been like you, if…Sakuma-kun, I—“

“Senpai,” Aira stood up suddenly, wrapping his arms around Eichi tightly. 

“Shiratori-kun…” 

“It can go both ways, okay?” Aira told him. “You can talk to me, too, if you want. Like, I probably can’t give great advice, but I can listen.”

Slowly, Eichi returned Aira’s hug. “Ah,” he hummed simply. 

-

Many minutes later, the two left fine’s dressing room and began heading for the stage.

“Oh!” Aira exclaimed suddenly. “Himemiya-senpai said you like to be alone before a performance and I only meant to talk to you for a minute, I’m sorry!” 

Eichi, now seeming to be in much better spirits, laughed. “I’m the one who wouldn’t stop talking, that’s quite alright. It’s just a run through, anyways. I’m not scared of an empty theater.”

“Scared?” Aira repeated.

“It’s rather embarrassing, isn’t it?” Eichi admitted. “Because I’m limited in how much I can practice, I’m worried I won’t be able to perform up to my standards. Or that I may not make it until the end of the performance.”

“But hasn’t your health been better lately? Um, aside from when you had to go to the hospital?”

“It has, but it’s a hard habit to break,” Eichi said. They entered the wings again, Tori skipping up to Eichi and wrapping his arms around one of Eichi’s.

“Eichi-sama, let’s do our best again~” He practically purred as Eichi patted his head.

“Of course, Tori,” Eichi smiled contently.

As Trickstar left the stage and fine took their places, Aira went to find the rest of his unit. It didn’t take long until he spotted Hiiro’s bright red hair bobbing up and down, filled with energy as usual. Tatsumi and Mayoi sat on the floor, sharing some cut fruit, not quite as hyped as their leader. Aira joined them, sitting in front of the two. 

“Tattsun-senpai, Mayo-san,” Aira asked, pulling out his phone. He wasn’t at a good enough angle to film a little of fine’s rehearsal, so he turned his body slightly. “Did something weird happen a couple of years ago at Yumenosaki? Something with Tenshouin-senpai?” 

He found the perfect place to set his phone on the ground and propped it up against his water bottle. He turned back to the two, who…for whatever reason looked a little startled by what he had asked. 

“A-Aira-san, that’s not something you should just…” Mayoi started. His eyes were darting back and forth, as if he were checking to make sure no one else was nearby.

“Where is this coming from?” Tatsumi asked. He didn’t look quite as upset by the question as Mayoi did, but his eyebrows were still raised slightly. 

Their reactions made Aira feel a little uncomfortable and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe they just weren’t the right people to ask about whatever this was. “Oh, it’s nothing! Can I have a bite?” He pointed at one of the strawberries in the cup of fruit. Fortunately, the older two seemed happy to drop the topic (and share their snack). Aira honestly forgot about it after a moment, content to spend time with his unit. 

-

It was incredibly late at night when Alkaloid was dropped back off at the dorms. They actually had been the first unit to be given the okay to leave for the night, meaning everyone else wouldn’t be coming back until later. Unlike how Aira had felt after their last show, he was very aware of how slow time was passing and how sleepy he felt. Luckily, the next day was a rest day before the live, and he was definitely planning on taking advantage of it. The four became two, and then after a goodnight kiss, Aira was alone again, heading up to the third floor. 

“I’m back…” Aira sleepily said as he entered the room. 

Rei, lounging on the couch instead of his bed for once (with about three or four open cans of tomato juice on the coffee table next to him), greeted Aira with a short wave of his hand before he sat up, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “How did it go?”

“I think it went well! Everyone else should be coming back soon, but we were told we could go ahead and leave.” Aira threw his bag down by his bed and plugged in his phone. “I haven’t seen you write in a while,” He motioned at the sheet paper in Rei’s lap.

“I wish I could say it was inspiration, but I forgot about a deadline that Undead has-“ Rei checked his watch “-an hour ago. Let me know if I’m bothering you, but otherwise I’ll be here for the foreseeable future.”

“I could sleep through literally any noise right now,” Aira laughed a bit. He started heading towards the bathroom before a thought occurred. 

Whatever it was that Eichi had mentioned, it was something Rei would have known about, right? Of course he would, the two were in the same year. Maybe whatever it was had to do with the group of “eccentrics” that Rei seemed to have been a part of. Aira recalled the grainy video of Undead and fine he had seen, with Rei gripping Eichi’s wrist as a crowd screamed. From the day that the three of them had moved into the dorm together, it was obvious that Rei and Eichi were quite familiar with one another, maybe not entirely in a good and friendly way, but still in a way that was much more than just an acquaintance from school. If something bad had happened with Eichi at Yumenosaki, surely Rei would know.

“Sakuma-senpai,” He turned on heel, facing the other man. 

“What’s up?” Rei smiled, stretching slightly where he was sitting, crumpling the papers in his hand just a little. 

Aira opened his mouth to speak, but his own body cut him off with a yawn. Right, it was late . And Rei already said he was working.

“It’s not that important,” Aira said. “I’m going to take a shower super quick and then pass out.”

“Are you sure?” Rei asked. 

“Yep!” Aira smiled before heading into the bathroom. He took the quickest shower of his life before throwing on some pajamas and brushing his teeth. He practically threw himself into his bed, not even checking his phone aside from putting it into silent mode. “Goodnight, senpai.”

Chapter Text

It must have been morning. It was probably morning. Aira could barely open his eyes but the notification sounds of his phone finally pierced through the dream he was having. Even stretching to find where his phone had disappeared to was painful. It must have been some ungodly hour in the morning and someone was texting him because something bad had happened, that was the only explanation. 

”Good morning!!!（╹◡╹）”

“yall did great last night <3”

“Yes!! Thank you!!”

It wasn’t an emergency. And it wasn’t early in the morning, either. Aira glanced at the time and was shocked to see it was almost noon. He panicked for a second, thinking he was late for school, before remembering why he was so tired and sore. 

StarPro’s anniversary live had finally come and went. Everything had gone incredibly smoothly, and Aira felt he had never performed better. It was the most fun he had performing in quite a while, and it was a memory he would always cherish. 

“<3 <3 <3 I’m so tireddd but I’m so happy aaaaaah~”

After sending his reply to Hiiro and Kohaku, Aira made a quick tweet thanking everyone who had supported them, uploading a selfie that he had taken after the live. On impulse, he searched for “Alkaloid” in latest tweets, slightly nervous at what he might see, but was pleasantly surprised to see only positivity. He couldn’t help the wide smile on his face as he scrolled, seeing reactions from people who had either been at the show or watched the live viewing. There was so much love and excitement from fans, and occasionally tweets from people saying they were now fans of Alkaloid. Aira even saw a couple tweets mentioning him specifically, calling him cute and complimenting his voice and dancing. 

“What has you so happy right after waking up, hm?” Eichi asked from where he sat at the table with his laptop. Aira rolled over slightly, seeing his roommate was looking to be in better shape than he felt, though he was wearing something that looked more relaxed than what he would normally wear to work. 

“I was reading some of the things people were saying about the live,” Aira said, forcing himself to sit up (ow). “Everyone is being so nice, it’s so love~ly~”

“From the way you were smiling, I assumed that one of your friends had sent you something sweet,” Eichi said, giving Aira a smile that said yes, I mean those two. 

“I mean, they did.” Aira mumbled. And because he was still half asleep, he wasn’t able to stop himself from admitting, “We text each other good morning and goodnight every day.” 

“You all are quite affectionate with each other,” The older man stated, looking almost pleased with himself as if he had guessed a riddle correctly. 

Aira was about to say something, he wasn’t sure what but something to change the subject, but before he could open his mouth, a noise of fabric moving came from Rei’s bed, startling him and causing him to jump and let out an embarrassing noise. “How exactly did the three of you get together?” The unit leader asked, seemingly not noticing that he had startled Aira. 

“I didn’t know you were here!” Aira exclaimed, clutching his sheets. Maybe he could get by with acting like the sudden noise was the only thing that had made him flustered and not the question. 

“I live here too, you know,” Rei put a hand to his chest, pretending to be offended. 

“I believe Shiratori-kun is saying it’s strange to still be in bed in the middle of the day if you hadn’t been spending the night before performing.” Eichi commented dryly. 

“Undead doesn’t have practice until evening and Rhythm Link doesn’t have anything going on right now,” Rei grumbled. “They told us to rest up for the big ES live. I’m following directions.”

“And yet, I performed last night and I’m still up working.” Eichi pointed out. Aira glanced at his phone again, sensing yet another disagreement incoming. Instead, Eichi continued, smiling sweetly, “But yes, Shiratori-kun, I’ve been wondering that as well, do share.”

Aira froze, knowing both of them were looking at him and he had no way to escape talking about That. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of it, of course, but it was incredibly personal! He hadn’t even told anyone that they were actually together. But, they had asked, so…

“Um, you know…” He started, holding his phone tightly. He tried to think of how to condense it down to the simplest form. “We’re all friends and then…one day we were hanging out, and Hiro said he wanted to kiss me and then Kohakucchi said he wanted to kiss me and then Hiro kissed Kohakucchi and then, um, yeah.” Aira knew his face must have been a bright red. “And then Hiro asked if we wanted to be boyfriends and…that’s how.” 

“Just like that?” Eichi asked. Aira looked up to see that he almost looked like he was blushing, fingers over his lips. 

“…Kids these days are rather bold, aren’t they?” Rei finally commented. 

Aira felt a strange sense of pride that he had managed to get that kind of reaction from his roommates; that something he had done actually surprised them. 

“Is it?” He tried not to sound too pleased with himself. Aira felt that because they were the ones that started this, after all, it was only fair for them to feel just as flustered as they regularly made him feel. Blaming this deviousness on his exhaustion, he continued, “But I’m sure my senpai would have lots more experience with that sort of thing then me, anyways.” 

“Not…as much as you’re thinking, I’m sure.” Eichi managed to say, his smile looking slightly forced. “I can’t speak for Sakuma-kun, but…”

“No, no, I wouldn’t say I’m exactly… well, there was…” Rei stopped mid-sentence, looking upwards as if he was considering something. “ That’s not important. Shiratori-kun, I’m happy that you’re happy, and-”

“Senpai, you can’t just start to say something interesting like that and then stop!” Aira insisted. 

“Yes, he’s right, keep going.”

“We’re talking about Shiratori-kun right now, not myself. Don’t smile at me like that, Tenshouin-kun.” Rei waved a hand and then turned back to Aira. “Would that have been your first kiss? Kisses?” 

Aira didn’t exactly appreciate the spotlight being turned back on him, especially when it sounded like Rei was going to share something very personal. “I-It was. I know 16 is kind of late for that kind of thing…”

“I would think that’s about the normal age, isn't it?” Rei pondered. “Ah, this is embarrassing, so I’ll tell you, my first kiss was when I was nine.”

“So young?!” Aira exclaimed. Finally, finally, after living with those two for as long as he had, he was getting to learn some of the juicy secrets he had dreamed about.

“Sakuma-kun, I’m sorry to tell you, but nine isn’t that young when I had my first kiss at eight.” Eichi said, lacing his fingers in front of his face. 

“Eight? How?!” Aira was sitting perfectly straight, not wanting to miss any second of this.

“Ah, well, when you’re a sick child, people tend to be much more willing to do what you’ve asked,” The blonde replied happily. 

“That’s an answer that could have come out of only your mouth.” Rei remarked. 

“Eight and nine aren’t that different,” Aira said, trying to divert the conversation from anything that might cause tension. “Sakuma-senpai is a year older than Tenshouin-senpai, so it would have been during the same year, anyways.”

“That is true, and of course it was nothing more than two kids just seeing what kissing was like.” Rei shrugged. “It definitely would have been when I was nine, because Ritsu was eight, and he’s the same age as Kei-kun—ah, whoops, he told me not to ever tell anyone that I was his first.” Rei didn’t look sorry in the slightest. 

“Hasumi-senpai?!” Aira couldn’t help but exclaim. Another secret about one of his favorite idols added to his mental catalog! And the childhood friend trope, too!

“First of all, Sakuma-kun,” Eichi turned himself in his chair so he could face Rei completely. “Relating your first kiss to your little brother is why Ritsu-kun doesn’t like you. Secondly, it’s impossible that you were Keito’s first kiss because he told me that I was his first.”

Rationally, Aira knew that he shouldn’t feel excited at this development, that his roommates about to enter an argument was never a good thing. However, Aira was achy and tired and he was witnessing something out of an “imagine your favorite idol scenarios” thread from the message boards he used to frequent. He couldn’t wait to tell Kohaku.

“You must be remembering wrong,” Rei insisted, laughing a bit, as if the idea that Keito’s first kiss was anyone but him was absurd. “Ask him. It was at his family’s temple, the last day of the year. He was so cute about it too, saying “sometimes adults kiss on new year’s” to get me to kiss him. Then he said he just wanted to know what it was like.” 

“The last day of the year?” Eichi repeated. “That’s when he came to the hospital to visit me. I was really sick, and I asked him to kiss me in case I didn’t make it to the new year. He told me he wouldn’t be good at it because he had never kissed anyone before.”

The two stared at each other, trying to figure out how to proceed.

“What time of day was it?” Eichi finally asked. “Of course I don’t remember exactly, but it was sometime after noon, but before evening.”

“The sun hadn’t started setting yet,” Rei frowned. “He must have lied about it being his first because he pitied you.”

“Or, more likely, he lied to you because he looked up to you for whatever reason.”

Rei paused for a beat before sighing, wiping a hand down his face. “Well. Either way, the two of us had our first kiss on the same day with the same person. In the end I suppose it doesn’t matter which one of us was really his first.” Aira could tell it was paining him to be the bigger person, that Rei had something else on his tongue that he was having to swallow. 

“Of course, a kiss between children hardly matters in the long run,” Eichi agreed. “But since we are talking about Keito, I suppose what matters would be what else happened since that first kiss.”

Aira stayed as still as possible, almost holding his breath, not wanting anything to distract the older two from this. Many of their disagreements were ended by one of them noting that they were behaving poorly in front of their kouhai, and Aira did not want to miss out on any of this information.

“Are you sure you want to have that conversation?” Rei swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was smirking, but the tone of his voice had changed to that slightly rougher speech pattern that Aira recognized, both from the rare older performances he had seen and from when he had been, as he said, very tired. “I’d hate for you to get your feelings hurt if you hear something you didn’t want to.”

“By all means, please,” Eichi smiled back at him, crossing his legs. “I’ve always been curious why my dear childhood friend would want to follow you around like a lost dog for so long, and go so far as to join that unit of yours with the weird jackets. I’m sure you have plenty of interesting stories to share, but not as interesting as my own.”

“Likewise, I’ve wondered what would bring Kei-kun would turn traitor so quickly when he told me he would never dream of betraying me. At least tell me you kept a cushion in the student council room for his knees.”

Even putting both hands quickly over his mouth, Aira couldn’t stop the noise (yelp? squeak?) that left him. Rei and Eichi broke their eye contact to glance at him, the tension in the room instantly receding. Aira had wanted to hear more, but he had heard enough to fuel his imagination for quite a while. It would be fine if they changed the subject there.

Except…

“Sakuma-kun, you know…” Eichi said as he looked at Aira, pondering something. “This is something I think only Keito could set the record straight on, but if you or I were to ask him, he would deny all of it.”

“He would.” Rei agreed, seeming to follow the other man’s train of thought. “I believe it would take an unbiased third party to get the truth from him.”

It didn’t take Aira long to figure out what they were about to ask of him. He was quickly regretting even asking about their experience. “I, ahh-you can’t—“

“Shiratori~kun~” Eichi’s smile had never been wider.

“Shiratori-kun is a good boy, he wouldn’t be so mean as to turn down a request from his senpai, right?” Rei made a vaguely pleading face that read to Aira as slightly pathetic.

“It’s not being mean, but-“

“After all, who was it who got us talking about Kei-kun in the first place?”

Aira wanted to argue that technically Rei was the one who started asking about his relationship, and before that Eichi had asked if his boyfriends had texted him, but he knew at this point he wasn’t getting out of this.

Which was how he found himself on one of Rhythm Link’s floors at ES, still vaguely sore, and now mildly nervous. He hadn’t even talked with Keito that much before; he had always come off as very stern and strict, and his presence as a member of Akatsuki was very intimidating. How was he even supposed to ask this? “I know we don’t ever talk but my roommates are fighting about who you had your first kiss with and told me I had to ask you about it.” Yes, that didn’t sound strange at all.

“Um, excuse me,” Aira knocked on Keito’s door. No answer. It occurred to him that he could just walk away now, just tell them he couldn’t find Keito and that would be that. 

“Shiratori?” Fate was not so kind to Aira that day, as Keito came down the hallway, a few thick file folders in hand. “I had a feeling you would be coming to see me eventually. Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Aira followed Keito into his office, noting that it was a lot smaller than Eichi’s, but a lot more inviting-feeling. Keito hastily threw a couple of cans that adorned the top of his desk into the trash before sitting down in the big brown chair and motioning for Aira to sit before him. He pulled open a drawer and pulled out another much smaller folder. 

“So…” Aira started. 

“Do you have any preferences?” Keito asked. 

“I-what?” 

“I would highly advise choosing one of your unit mates, but under these circumstances, I’ll be a little lenient about it.” Keito looked at him over his glasses before finding what he was looking for in the folder. 

“I think I’m missing something?” Aira smiled nervously. “What do you mean about a preference…?”

“Did you not come here to ask me to move you to another dorm room?” Keito asked. 

“No!” Aira exclaimed. “Why would I do that?!”

“Oh,” Keito looked at him and sat up straight, genuinely taken off guard. “Being in that room with them isn’t too stressful for you?”

“Of course not! They can be a little much sometimes, but I’m really happy there!” 

“I see.” Keito tapped his chin with his finger. “When I was given the task of assigning all of the idols here to dorm rooms, everyone - with the exception of Himemiya and Fushimi - was grouped up completely randomly by drawing names. I was a little worried for you when I saw the results, and figured it would only be a matter of time before you would get overwhelmed by those two and ask to change rooms. I was mistaken in that, and clearly you’re a lot stronger than I assumed.”

“I don’t really know what being strong has to do with it,” Aira frowned. 

“Mentally.” Keito clarified. “I can only imagine the constant headache that living with them gives you. I’m sure they’re always asking you to take sides on whatever insignificant issue they’re fighting about from day to day.”

“Not…usually?” Aira told him. It’s not like they had never asked him to choose between one of them on things, but it really wasn’t that often, and usually he could get out of it by saying he couldn’t choose. 

“So you’re telling me they don’t fight with each other?” 

“No, they do.” He said quickly. “But, not as much as when we first moved in together. They’ve gotten better. Kind of.” 

“Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.” Keito said with a dry laugh. “The emperor and the demon king finally getting along after being forced to share a room together. That’s too ridiculous for me to comprehend.”

Getting along was probably too strong of a term; usually tolerate seemed more accurate to Aira. Keito, however, was the childhood friend, someone who knew more about Rei and Eichi than most others. If he said the idea of them not being at each other’s throats was strange, then what had changed? And why had they been fighting so much before?

“They sent me to ask you which one of them was your first kiss,” He blurted out clumsily. Aira could see that Keito turned a little red, but it was definitely not a blush and more of a flush of anger. 

“ That’s why you’re here?” Keito asked exasperatedly, moving a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. “So they’re working together to torture me, and using you in the process. Of course. Are you sure you don’t want to change rooms?” 

“They’re not using me,” Aira wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt a surge of defensiveness well up inside of him. Maybe Keito knew much more about this than he did, but hearing him talk badly about his roommates made him a bit upset. “They would never do anything like that!” 

“…Shiratori, you’re a good kid,” Keito leaned forward in his chair. His eyes were now fixed straight on Aira. “I mean this in all seriousness because you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. I want you to be careful. I’m glad you’re not being caused the stress that I thought you would be. But I would hate for you to wake up one morning and find yourself chained into situations that it’s become too late for you to escape from.” 

The sudden intensity of the older man’s words shot right into Aira. It made him kind of uncomfortable in a weirdly familiar sort of way, like he had this sort of feeling recently but couldn’t place where. He was confused, though, and he was sure it was showing on his face. “I don’t really understand…”

Keito sat in silence, looking at Aira from behind his hand that was trying to rub away a headache. Eventually, he let out a resigned sigh, leaned back in his chair, and lowered his hand. “You can tell them that it was neither of them.”

“…your first kiss?” Aira asked, after his mind caught up with what Keito had said. “But they both said you told them that they were your first.”

“ No ,” the older man, obviously annoyed, stated. “It was the daughter of one of the shrine maidens who worked at my family’s temple, I didn’t even know her name, I hated the experience, and I told both of them about it.”

“But…Sakuma-senpai said he was at your temple before New Years and you told him adults kiss on New Years and then-“

“That was a scene from an episode of Vampire Shogun we watched together,” Keito let out another sigh. “He’d never be caught dead at the temple so close to New Years, too many people. We were watching that episode at his house and he said he wanted to try it and kissed me and his brother called him gross. He knew that wasn’t my first kiss.”

“Oh,” Aira blinked. “But then, Tenshouin-senpai said you visited him the same day and asked you to kiss him and you said it was your first…”

“What I said ,” Keito balled his fists, looking anywhere but at Aira. “Was that I didn’t want my first time kissing him to be the last.” 

“Ohhh,” The blonde repeated. “Hasumi-senpai…you know they’re still going to ask who came first.”

“How am I supposed to remember that?” The older man said with a snort. “If they can’t even remember their own first kiss correctly, how am I expected to remember something like that?”

“Yeah, that’s fair.” Aira nodded. “They won’t be happy with that answer, but that’s fair.”

“It’s more of an answer than they deserve.” 

“Do you not like Tenshouin-senpai and Sakuma-senpai?” Aira asked him with all honesty. He knew he would sometimes scold Hiiro for being too much at times, but Keito seemed to be taking it to a completely different level. “Both of them always make you sound like a really good friend.”

“Hmph.” Keito was frowning, but Aira swore he saw the corner of his mouth twitch upwards in a smile for just a second. “You may be their roommates, and I can’t control what they say about me to you, but frankly my relationship with those two are none of your business.” 

“Ah, sorry…” Aira decided he would not be bringing up the rest of the conversation that Rei and Eichi had, and what had been implied. 

“It’s fine.” The unit leader crossed his arms. “But tell those two that if they ever send you to do anything this incorrigible again they’ll get more than a lecture.” 

-

“Hmm…”

“Aah…”

Aira sat on the couch in the dorm, his chin hooked over the back cushions. Rei and Eichi were at either end of the table, tea and crackers between them.

“As much as I hate to admit it, that does ring a bell,” Eichi said, taking a slow sip. 

“Likewise, thinking about it, there were two kid characters on the show, and one of them lived at a temple so I would joke that it was Kei-kun.” Rei took a bite from the corner of a cracker. “So he was both of our firsts but we weren’t his? How horrible.”

“Absolutely awful.” Eichi agreed. His phone made a little chime and he pulled it from his pocket. He stared at his screen for a moment before smiling. “Oh, he’s very upset with us. I’m sure he sent you one too, Sakuma-kun.”

“My phones dead,” Rei said, getting up from his seat to look over Eichi’s shoulder. “ Oh. He keeps saying he’s bad at texting, yet he wrote an entire novel right here.”

“He’s a liar and he’s mean.” Eichi nodded. “Look at these accusations…”

“Over sending Shiratori-kun to ask a simple question?” Rei straightened back up. “Next time he needs help I’ll remind him that this is what he thinks of me.” 

“Shiratori-kun, I apologize for involving you in our childish affairs.” Eichi shut the flap of his phone case, something like a pout on his face. “I didn’t realize we were asking you to talk with someone so horrific.” 

“He wasn’t that bad to me,” Aira told the two. He watched them from where he sat, Eichi sipping his tea and Rei sitting back down with a small huff.  

“Before you go, Shiratori, can I…confirm something?”

If Rei was actually a vampire, as he claimed, no doubt he would hear that Aira’s heart was racing, but he wasn’t even looking his way anymore. What Keito had asked him was strange. Strange like the conversation he and Mika had that one late night eating cookies. Keito had asked him, and then quickly retracted it, telling Aira to forget it, ignore it. Then why did he ask in the first place? Why didn’t he just ask them himself?

“Hasumi-senpai seemed surprised when I told him that you don’t fight all the time.” He eventually settled on saying. 

“He thinks so little of us,” Rei said with a fake sniff. “Has he always been this awful?”

“It must be from working too much; I think he used to be a sweet child, but apparently I can’t remember~” Eichi hummed. 

“Eichi…and Rei…they have never gotten along, they don’t even know how to fake it. Even with a kouhai they wanted to save face in front of, they couldn’t keep up an act like that.” Keito had turned his chair somewhat and was staring out the window.

“But people can change,” Aira stated. 

“Somewhat. Certain parts.” Keito slowly nodded. “I just can’t help but wonder…and with a rumor that a certain annoying someone has told me about…if after all of that…” 

Aira spun his phone around in his hands absentmindedly, watching as Rei finished his tea and rinsed his cup out before getting ready to head to practice. He knew which drawer Rei kept his practice clothes in. He knew which specific crackers Eichi liked with his tea. He didn’t know as much about his roommates as Keito did, but he still felt like he knew a good bit about them and how they acted. He lived with them. They were friends. 

So if things had changed between Eichi and Rei, wouldn’t he have noticed? 

“Are you alright, Shiratori-kun?” Eichi asked as he stretched his arms over his head. “Still tired from last night?”

“O-oh yeah, I am,” Aira straightened up a bit, aware that he probably looked like he was zoning out there.

“Me, too. I’m probably going to go to bed much earlier than normal,” He said with a small laugh. “Ah, you had said that there was an anime version of the manga that Keito showed me as a child, would you like to watch it together tonight?”

“Yeah, of course!” Aira beamed, bouncing slightly where he sat. “It’s super popular so it shouldn’t be too hard to find it streaming online.”

Of course he would notice if things were different. He would be the first to notice. And if he didn’t, his roommates would have told him. They had told him he could come to them about anything, and Aira had at least told Eichi the same. Something like that…there’s no way they would hide it from him. 

Chapter Text

After months and months of planning, the day of Ensemble Square’s anniversary live had come. Aira felt like he was buzzing from the inside, a mixture of excitement and nerves. This was definitely the biggest venue Alkaloid had ever performed at. Before their run through, Aira found himself tripping over his own feet as he stepped on the stage for the first time and saw just how many seats surrounded them, at how many fans would be watching. This felt like such a huge milestone for them and he couldn’t have been happier that everything was going smoothly.

Everything except for the unmistakable tension in the dressing room that Alkaloid was sharing with Switch, that is.

Tatsumi had knocked as he opened the door for the four of them and greeted the three members of Switch warmly and with a poilite bow. Tsumugi had been incredibly welcoming, saying that he was happy they would be sharing the dressing room, and Sora’s eyes lit up when he saw they had entered, pausing the game he was playing to jump up and say hello. 

Natsume, however, took one look at Alkaloid - no, at Aira specifically - and turned his head away sharply without a word.

This didn’t go unnoticed by his unitmates. Sora stated that Natsume’s color had suddenly gotten cloudy, and Tsumugi commented that he should be more polite, which earned him an elbow to the stomach. Tatsumi and Hiiro began setting their things down, remaining out of the situation, with Aira and Mayoi following suit (and Mayoi keeping an eye on Natsume, to make sure the boy wasn’t about to suddenly shout at them). 

It was definitely Aira that Natume hadn’t wanted to look at, but why? He tried to think, when was the last time he would have even seen Natsume, outside of passing each other by at school or in the dorms? It had probably been the time when Natsume had talked to him in the library, asking him about Rei.

“Sakasaki-senpai, did Sakuma-senpai ever get with you? He told me he would.” Aira asked as he sat down. This had been a while ago now that Natume had said Rei was avoiding him, but Aira wasn’t sure what else to talk about.

“Of course he diD. I talk with Rei-nii-san all the tiME.” Natsume said tersely. 

“That’s good,” Aira replied, not really sure what to say. Maybe Natsume was just in a bad mood? For the life of him, he couldn’t think of anything he had done that would make Natsume upset. Maybe this was just how he was before a live.

“Why do you asK, didn’t my nii-sans tell you not to talk to mE?” Natsume said sharply. He whipped his head back to face Aira, golden eyes practically glowing with anger. 

“Natsume-kun…” Tsumugi extended his hands, a pleading motion for the younger boy to calm down. 

Natsume looked from Tsumugi, to Sora who looked equally as worried, before standing quickly and heading towards the exit. 

“I’ll be baCK.” He muttered before storming off, slamming the door shut behind him. 

“Aah, I’m so sorry about him!” Tsumugi bowed again. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Aira asked the two magicians. Tsumugi smiled at him sympathetically. 

“Shishou is mad, but not at Ai-chan.” Sora said, putting his game down again. “Sora thinks Shishou has no bad feelings towards Ai-chan.” 

“Usually Natsume-kun is fine with being the “little brother” to his nii-sans, but I think lately he thinks they’re treating him too much like a child.” Tsumugi explained. “Because you brought up Rei-kun, he probably got a little upset.”

Aira wanted to say that Natsume seemed mad at him from the second he entered the room, not just when he mentioned Rei, but he didn’t want to argue with Tsumugi about it. Much like Tatsumi, he had a very calming voice that was able to ease the nerves of all those around him. He was a relaxing person to be around, and Aira didn’t want to hear that kind voice get upset. This close to a live, and a live of this scale, Aira didn’t want anything to go wrong.

The two groups slowly got ready, making small talk and catching one another up on things they had been doing recently. When it was an hour until the show, a stagehand came by to let them know that the audience was being in allowed in. Natsume hadn’t returned yet. Tsumugi picked up his jacket, going to get his phone out of its pocket to text the unit leader, when he realized Natsume’s phone had been left underneath it.

“I’m sure he’ll be back in time, but it would be nice if we could finish getting ready together,” The older man said to himself with a small sigh. He typed something into his phone, brow furrowed slightly.

“Would you like for us to help you look for him?” Tatsumi asked. “Surely he’s somewhere in the building.” 

“Without his phone maybe he doesn’t realize what time it is,” Aira suggested. 

“I’d hate to bother you, especially right now!” Tsumugi quickly stood up from where he sat, but not without bumping his knee on the underside of the table. “Oww! There’s not many places he could be, so Sora and I can definitely track him down.”

“HuHu! Mission to find Shishou is a-go!” Sora exclaimed cheerily, leaping up onto his feet. 

“Um,” Aira stood up as well. “I feel like I’m the reason he got upset, so I want to go with you.” 

“You’re absolutely not the reason, Aira-kun, but if you insist,” Tsumugi said warmly.

“Should I come too, Aira?” Hiiro asked, also springing to his feet.

“No, that’s okay-“ Aira quickly insisted. Under normal circumstances, yes, he would absolutely want Hiiro by his side, especially when he wasn’t sure what he did to make Natsume mad. But knowing his boyfriend, his enthusiasm would likely repel Natsume further away. “I’m sure we’ll be back in a couple minutes, anyways.”

Hiiro smiled in understanding, a smile that he saved just for Aira and Kohaku. “Come back quickly, then!”

The three set out into the hallway, mostly empty save for a few stagehands rushing here and there. More than likely, Aira thought, everyone who would be performing that night were in their dressing rooms. As it was highly unlikely that Natsume would be anywhere near the stage, Sora concluded that he would either be in someone else’s dressing room, an unused room, or in one of the hallways. They agreed to split up, with Sora asking around with the rest of the idols, and Tsumugi and Aira checking opposite hallways and empty rooms. 

Aira wandered down a long hallway, hearing the muffled sounds of the pre-show music starting to play from the stage. Most of the rooms that were unused fortunately had their door cracked open, so it wasn’t taking him long to check. 

Natume had mentioned his “nii-sans,” which Aira knew were the other four members of the “five eccentrics.” Before becoming an idol, he had seen things here and there about them online (as individuals, usually, not as a whole) both positive and negative. As this had been a few years ago, Aira couldn’t exactly remember what had been said about them, or why they were grouped together and given that name. People on some idol forums would praise them, call them the most talented idols of this generation. People on other forums, ones where you could remain anonymous, would slander them thoroughly. Aira rarely went on those forums, finding all the negativity annoying and pointless (but they did have the more rare candid pictures more often than not, so sometimes it was unavoidable). 

Aira hadn’t thought about this until recently, until in the span of a couple days he had an encounter with each of the eccentrics in some way or another. At Yumenosaki, the “five eccentrics” were treated as some sort of urban legend. To newer students, like him, they were but a rumor of a group of incredibly prominent idols that had once existed, all of them incredibly mesmerizing and a little bit strange. But when asking some of the third-years about them, the response was always something of a frown and a reluctance to talk about it, if they even knew what he was talking about. No one would give a straight answer on why they were a group or what they did. 

The night after his strange encounter with Wataru (and Shu) in the conference room, Aira had tried to do his own research about them online. To his frustration, no combination of words seemed to bring up any results. Anything that came up was either postings about past lives with their own units, or articles and reviews of said lives. He had even tried going back to those forums he remembered visiting, only to find that all but one of them had been deleted, with the only one remaining having all of its posts purged. Of course there was nothing Aira could find physically at Yumenosaki, either, though he wouldn’t have even known where to look aside from old yearbooks.

Rei didn’t talk too much about the other four, not any more than he would talk about his unit mates or the members of his circle. It wasn’t until the past few weeks when Aira would have thought to ask him, but they had both been so busy that he hadn’t had the time. He wasn’t sure why, but as his search continued to fail to bring up any results, it seemed to him that asking Rei…maybe wasn‘t something he should do. The way that third years would avoid questions, the way that information Aira could have sworn was readily available was just gone , it made the whole “eccentrics” thing seem like something that should stay in the past.

Almost like whatever Eichi had been reminiscing about in his dressing room about a week ago. Just barely mentioning it to Tatsumi and Mayoi had instantly made them concerned.

Hmm.

“Any luck, Aira-kun?” Tsumugi came around a corner.

“Not yet,” Aira said. “Harukawa-senpai must have found him then, right?”

“He hasn’t texted yet, but I hope so…” The older man fretted. The two headed back towards the dressing rooms. “This venue is so large I feel like we wouldn’t be able to search everywhere. Aah, I wish he would have told us that he was so upset, we would have helped him out…”

“Why did Sakasaki-senpai think that someone told me not to talk to him?” The blonde asked. “The only one of his nii-sans I talk to often is Sakuma-senpai, and he hasn’t said anything at all like that.”

“That’s a bit hard to say, I think,” Tsumugi mused, turning his head this way and that as they passed by open doors. “It would’ve been strange for Rei-kun to say something like that.”

“Right? I don’t know—uaah!” Finally, amongst one of the numerous white, empty rooms, Aira jumped when he saw a splash of red and blue -  Natsume and Wataru. The pair sat beside each other on a worn couch, with Natsume quickly withdrawing his hand from Wataru’s sleeve as soon as he saw Aira and Tsumugi. Natsume, thankfully, wasn’t glaring at Aira as he had been, though he didn't exactly look pleased that he had been found. Wataru simply looked amused.

“Natsume-kun!” Tsumugi let out a sigh of relief. “Ah, Hibiki-kun, I’m glad you found him.”

“You said that you just had a feeling I was heRE,” Natsume’s eyes turned back to Wataru, giving a section of his hair a sharp tug. “Nii-sAN.”

“Did I say something like that?” Wataru chuckled. “Perhaps I would have, if my dear Predecessor-san hadn’t texted me first asking for my help.”

“You didn’t have to do thAT.” Natsume grumbled to his unitmate. “I just wanted to take a waLK. I was going to come back soON.” 

“Sakasaki-senpai,” Aira spoke up. “I’m really sorry if I said something to upset you earlier, I didn’t mean to…”

The redhead stared at him blankly for a moment before standing and heading to the hallway, past Aira and Tsumugi. “It’s not your fauLT. I was stressed about something and over reactED.”

“What an extremely Natsume-kun-like apology!” Wataru stood up too, so smoothly it looked like he exerted no energy at all. “Now I believe we should all be heading back before it gets too much later, no?”

“Of course, we need to finish getting ready!” Tsumugi headed out of the room, following Natsume, Aira and Wataru taking the rear. They were joined by Sora, who hugged Natsume tightly. The group turned down into the next hallway where the dressing rooms were, Wataru disappearing shortly after. Fine’s dressing room must have been right there?

“Don’t try to figure out where he disappeared tO.” Natsume said, noticing Aira trying to see where Wataru had gone. 

Natsume slowed down so that he was walking behind Tsumugi and Sora, letting his unit mates enter the dressing room before him. He stopped, and turned to face Aira. 

“Sorry about earliER.” Natsume said to him quietly. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like thAT. When it comes to my nii-sans I can get a little touCHY.”

“It’s really okay, but I’m kinda glad because I thought I did something wrong and didn’t even know it,” Aira said. “Is there something I can do to help?”

Natsume looked down at the ground, smiling at Aira’s words. “No, there’s nOT. I guess if you don’t tell Rei-nii-san about this, that would be appreciatED.” He looked back up at Aira, his eyes suddenly very intense, though not unkind. For some reason, Aira found he couldn’t look away; Natsume’s gaze was magnetic and he couldn’t think about anything else. With a very strange inflection, he muttered, “The swan needn’t dirty his pure white feathers with the filth that is hiding in the shadows around him.”

Aira didn’t know what he meant by that, but found himself nodding slowly instead of voicing his confusion. Natsume blinked, and Aira let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, now able to look away from the other boy. The redhead chuckled a little to himself, entering the dressing room.

“Sakasaki-kun, just now, was that magic, what you just did?!” Aira quickly followed behind. “Did you curse me?!”

“That was a protection spELL.” Natsume said confidently.

From what? Aira wanted to ask, but the two had to hurry to finish getting ready. There wasn’t any more time to talk, just a few minutes of throwing on the rest of their outfits and finishing their makeup. Alkaloid was set to perform second that night, so it wasn’t long before the group set off to the stage, listening as Rab*its performed their set. After their pre-performance prayer and hug (and a squeeze of the hand from Hiiro), the four split off to where they would wait to make their entrance. 

-

Perhaps the spell had been protection against nerves, or protection against second-guessing his dancing. Aira thought he had performed well at StarPro’s anniversary live, but that was nothing compared to how he had just done. Alkaloid as a whole had never meshed so well together. From what Aira could tell, everyone who performed that night had done their absolute best (though he may be a little biased; as an idol fan he found spotting little mistakes endearing, his own mistakes not included). The crowd had been so supportive, so wonderful, the penlights never going dark and the cheers never ending. 

Sweaty and still (mostly) full of adrenaline, all of the units gathered in one of the big greenrooms to toast (with water and juice) and congratulate one another. There was lots of laughing and hugging, lots of celebrating. 

Tatsumi and Mayoi had left for the night not long after the live ended, Tatsumi citing exhaustion, though Aira had a feeling that he may have just said that to cover how overwhelmed Mayoi may have been feeling. Aira had started feeling sleepy about thirty minutes in, deciding to head back to the dressing room sans Hiiro, who was chatting happily with Tetora and Shinobu. Natsume was the only one inside, back in his street clothes and idly checking his phone. 

“Switch did really great, Sakasaki-senpai!” Aira told him as he pulled out a few makeup wipes. “Everyone was so love~ly; I had so much fun watching them!”

“You all did a good job as weLL,” Natsume peeked up at Aira through his bangs, a small smile on his lips. “Alkaloid should be proUD.”

A firm knock came at the door - Shu entered without waiting to be invited, followed by Rei and Kanata. The three had changed out of their unit outfits and seemed to be ready to leave the venue for the night. 

“What are you all doing heRE?” Natsume asked, looking at the three holding their bags. “Are we going somewhere toNIGHT?” 

“Sharp as always, Natsume,” Rei smiled. Turning to Aira, he added, “Shiratori-kun, you performed wonderfully tonight.” 

“You too, senpai! All of you did!” Aira beamed. 

“Come, boy, we’re apparently being nostalgic tonight.” Shu said, looking only mildly annoyed at whatever being nostalgic entailed. 

“We’re staying with you tonight, Rei-nii-sAN?” Natsume looked up at the dark haired man. “Wataru-nii-san tOO?”

“Of course, he should be ready to leave soon.” Rei nodded. 

“I won’t be caught anywhere near fine’s dressing room; he can find us for a change.” Shu stated. 

“Tell me, Natsume, are you too grown up now to share my coffin tonight?” Rei asked, eyebrows raised expectantly. 

“I've always been too old for thAT,” Natsume said firmly, turning slightly pink. 

“rei, the only one nacchan wants to treat him like a “grown up” now is wataru.” Kanata said, peering from behind Rei’s shoulder. 

“Apparently so,” Shu said, not without a small, mischievous smirk of their own. 

Natsume’s face was now almost as red as his hair. Aira focused very intently on taking his makeup off, feeling something like second-hand embarrassment, and not wanting the magician to think he was being stared at by another set of eyes.

“I-it’s not-“

“Yes, of course it’s not,” Rei said happily, dismissively. “Shall we be off? Shiratori-kun, I’ll see you tomorrow. Get some rest, you look like you need it.”

“Yeah, have a good night! I will!” Aira waved, watching as Natsume hurried to get his things and leave before anyone could say anything else to him, the trio following behind him. When the door shut, Aira let out a little sigh and stretched, just sitting still for a moment before getting up to get out of his outfit. As he went to change, he noticed that Tsumugi had left his jacket behind. Aira made a mental note to take it back to the dorms with him. 

“Na~tsu~me~kun~” Without even a knock, the door swung open to Wataru, scanning the room with his eyes. He chuckled slightly at the yelp of surprise that Aira let out. “Ah, apologies, little swan! It appears I‘ve lost track of the time and am presently being punished by being left behind.” 

“Sakasaki-senpai went with Sakuma-senpai and them,” Aira told him, watching as the older man shut the door behind him. Did he need to do that? The people he was looking for weren’t there. “Itsuki-senpai said you could find them.”

“I suppose I could do that, yes,” Wataru strolled further into the room, taking a seat on the couch where Natsume had been minutes before. “Or, I could tell you a story.” 

“O…kay.” Aira said slowly. Saying “no thank you” didn’t seem like a viable option. He sat down backwards on one of the stools before the mirrors, resting his chin on the backing of the stool.

“It’s a short story, don’t worry, I do know how to be concise when I must.” Wataru gave him a wink. Making sure Aira was paying attention, he began, “Natsume-kun is very dear to me, as he is to all of us. He is prideful, and fierce like a cat. He doesn’t forget when he’s been wronged, but despite this, he has graciously forgiven the betrayals of both his unit mate and this humble jester, though that is a story for another time.

“The four of us have worked hard to protect Natsume-kun, and in turn he’s tried his best to protect us as well. It was like this from the beginning, and it remains the same to this day. Time may have passed, goals may have changed, records may have been burned, but the five us have and will always have an unbreakable bond. The rest of the world may forget, but we cannot. All of us try to live in the present as much as possible, as that is all one can do, but thinking presently does not come very easy to Natsume-kun when faced with what he feels is a third betrayal, this time from another of his beloved brothers.”

Aira shifted slightly where he sat, but didn’t dare look away. This wasn’t Wataru from fine who was speaking to him, but Wataru of the five eccentrics. As unlikely as it was, it couldn’t have been just a coincidence that Wataru was talking to him about this now.  

“Natsume-kun is a smart, good child. It was him who reached out to Alkaloid in the very beginning, was it not? He recognized your and your unit’s potential, and he recognized that there was a potential for your unit to be used against your wills. He didn’t want you to be taken advantage of, or for history to repeat.” Wataru crossed one of his legs over the other. “Natsume-kun had heard from other students that you had been asking about us, about what we were. He wanted to tell you, but Rei - with whom Natsume-kun was already cross with - requested that he didn’t, which greatly upset Natsume-kun, who felt you deserved to know. Like Natsume-kun, you, too, have become quite dear to Rei, and he doesn’t wish to see you distressed.”

“Why would it upset me?” Aira was almost afraid to hear the answer. He had indeed been looking for information about the five eccentrics, but nothing he remembered finding even before he came to Yumenosaki pointed at something that would distress him.

“Why? What a good question, the correct question, in fact! Unfortunately, it seems that verse in our story must wait until our next meeting, as we’ve been interrupted.” Wataru glanced towards the closed door. “It seems a different bird has been waiting outside and it wouldn’t be good to keep him waiting. Unfortunately, Natsume-kun’s spells have never been very effective on him, so the protection he placed over you earlier may not hold up. Ah, I look forward to seeing how this will progress!”

Wataru rose from his seat and opened the door, a slightly frazzled-looking Tsumugi standing on the other side. “Oh, ah - I heard voices and didn’t want to interrupt, so — Oh, good, it was in here!” He said upon spotting his coat on the table. 

“Another time, little swan? Rei will no doubt be cross with me for telling you what I have, but such is life~” Wataru flashed him another smile before leaving the room, humming happily.

Tsumugi’s eyes followed Wataru’s long hair before it disappeared from the room. He laughed sheepishly, “The key to my room is in my jacket, so it would have been a big problem if I left without it.” He went through his pockets, confirming that his keys were indeed inside. 

“Aoba-senpai, this is your dressing room, too, you could have just come in,” Aira said, getting up and stretching, his legs having already become stiff. Wataru had told him a lot, but it didn’t seem to actually…mean anything to him. It was like he was teasing something , holding some part of a puzzle over his head, but Aira didn’t know to look up at it. 

“I didn’t know that you and Hibiki-kun were friends, but that does make sense since you’re in the same agency. I’m sure he’s a fun friend to have.” Tsumugi said, as if he hadn’t heard what Aira had said. 

“We’re not really friends , but…” Aira’s brain was trying to work through what he had been told. There was something about the five eccentrics that would upset Aira. Rei didn’t want him to know, but Natsume did. Natsume had been betrayed in some way by Rei (possibly?), Wataru and…his unit mate. 

“Aoba-senpai,” Aira sat back down. “Did you know about the five eccentrics?” 

“Oh, of course I did,” Tsumugi slipped on his jacket. “Was that what you were talking about with Hibiki-kun?”

“Sort of?” Aira tucked his hair behind his ear. “I guess I just don’t…get what they were? I can’t find any information about them anywhere.”

“Yes, we were very thorough with that.” The older man nodded. “Aira-kun, would you like some cold water? Your face still looks a little warm.”

“You were… you took down all those websites?” Aira stared at the blue-haired man. 

“Hm? Well, I mostly took care of the physical records, but I did do a bit of the online erasure as well.” Tsumugi recalled casually. 

“But why?” 

“Because we did something unforgivable,” He was still smiling gently as he always did, as if they were talking about something meaningless. “In the end, everything eventually worked out, though. Oh, I didn’t answer your question, did I? The five eccentrics were the hated villains of Yumenosaki. They were the reason that the academy was such a bad place before it was changed.”

“Villains?!” Aira’s mouth hung open - that was not what he expected to hear. He couldn’t see any of the five causing anything bad at Yumenosaki.

“That’s the story we wove, at least. Of course it was false. We needed to use them to change the future, and we did. After it was all said and done, we destroyed all the evidence, not just to cover our actions, but to shield them from future scandals. It would have been a big pain if five years from now, someone found an old SNS post calling one of them a monster and the reason their dreams were crushed.” Tsumugi’s kind expression hadn’t changed; he was talking about something so bizarre and it was only making Aira more confused.

“But…why would…why would you …” Aira wasn’t exactly sure where to start with his thoughts. “What do you mean they were villains?”

“Yumenosaki had become an awful place where the majority of students thought they could do whatever they wanted. It was their own faults, but no one wants to blame themselves.” Tsumugi finally sat down as well, keeping some distance between himself and Aira. “So we needed to designate a common enemy - that being five of the most talented idols - for us and the rest of the student body to work towards overcoming. They could blame the five eccentrics for the reason that things weren’t going their way, while in the background we could change the rules of the school as needed and eliminate those who didn’t really have what it took to be an idol.”

Aira was aware his mouth was still agape and quickly shut it. “So…the five of them, everyone hated them?” It seemed unthinkable that anyone could actually hate any of those five, especially Rei. 

“Hated, slandered, threatened, assaulted. It was honestly awful, what they had to endure.” Tsumugi answered. “That’s why the five of them have a bond as strong as they do; as they sought one another for comfort, feeling alienated by near everyone else.”

Aira didn’t know what to say. He felt cold, and his heart hurt hearing Tsumugi talk about this, especially with that smile still on his face. His friends, his senpai, his idols that he had looked up towards for ages…imagining them being treated like that, being used…

“I guess…this is why Sakuma-senpai didn’t want Sakasaki-senpai telling me,” Aira said with a sniffle. He attempted to wipe his tears away before Tsumugi could see them. He was now incredibly uncomfortable being alone in the room with this man. 

“Rei-kun told Natsume-kun that? Ah, that makes sense now why he was upset with them...” The older man tapped his bottom lip with his finger. 

“Hibiki-senpai said Sakuma-senpai didn’t want it to upset me…” 

“I think something like this would upset anyone?” Tsumugi said. “Aira-kun, that’s how things were a couple of years ago, but as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there’s hardly anything remaining of that time. For the most part, we have all tried to move on and move past what happened as much as possible.”

“But you still remember hurting them like that, don’t you?!” Aira couldn’t stop himself from shouting. “You can move on, but you can’t just forget that, and they couldn’t have either!” 

“I’m sure they haven’t,” Tsumugi agreed, not surprised in the slightest by Aira’s outburst. “But there’s no sense living in the past. You can’t change what has already happened.”

“Y-yeah, but…” Aira sniffled again. “That, yeah, that makes sense, but…okay…” The blonde took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Everything he was hearing was awful, but…it was something that happened a while ago. It was new information for him, but to Tsumugi, to Rei, to all of those involved, this was old news. This was a past that they wanted to stay buried. It probably wouldn’t be a good thing to suddenly blast Rei with questions and bring up old hurts, and he was in a way relieved he hadn’t asked before. 

“I’m sorry to have to bombard you with all of this, Aira-kun, but now you know the story of the five eccentrics.” The older man said. “I suppose it was unavoidable that you would find out eventually, with—ah, because Rei-kun is your roommate.”

Finally, Tsumugi’s expression wavered for just a split second as he stumbled over his words. There was something else that Aira wasn’t being told. The puzzle piece that Wataru had dangled over his head, Tsumugi had found it as well. 

“There’s another reason Sakuma-senpai didn’t want me to know, isn’t there?” Aira asked. “ That wasn’t the thing that he didn’t want me to know about, right?”

“I’m sorry, Aira-kun, but I don’t know what Rei-kun said to Natsume-kun,” Tsumugi said, though it wasn’t an answer to what Aira had asked him. “It’s getting late, would you like to ride back to the dorm with me?” 

“I’m…going to wait for Hiiro-kun,” Aira told him. “Can you…just tell me why you did it? I won’t ask anything else about it. You-you said it was to make Yumenosaki better, but…Aoba-senpai, you don't seem like…”

Tsumugi’s eyes closed for a moment, the elder remaining still in thought. After a moment, he stood. “I really must be going, Aira-kun, I’m sorry.” He made his way towards the door. “Can you tell Rei-kun and Eichi-kun “hello” for me? Please let them know they performed wonderfully, okay? Goodnight, Aira-kun.” And then he was gone, not giving Aira an opportunity to press him further. 

It was quiet in the dressing room. Every now and then he could hear someone walk by outside, or a burst of laughter from the groups that still remained. Aira really hadn’t intended to wait for Hiiro, but now he didn’t feel like heading back alone. His head was muddled, all of this information that he suddenly learned, and no one to talk about it with to try and make sense of it. It seemed like anyone who would have been at Yumenosaki at that time would be off-limits, so his roommates were out of the question, especially Rei. Kohaku and Hiiro, of course, were surely just as in the dark as he was (rather, as he had been)…but then again, maybe he shouldn’t talk to anyone about it. Tsumugi had said that everyone involved was trying to move past it, so wouldn’t sharing that information with more people potentially open up old wounds for others? Tsumugi said it was the truth, but thinking about telling his boyfriends almost felt like spreading gossip. 

Aira slumped over onto the makeup counter, face hot in his hands. What else could there be to the story that Rei didn’t want him to know about? He didn’t want to know anything that he had learned that night. He wished he had just stayed in the greenroom with Hiiro, or gone back with Tatsumi and Mayoi. 

Hmm.

Tatsumi and Mayoi even knew what Aira was asking about before he did, right? He had asked them something about Yumenosaki that day at the tech rehearsal that made them seem uneasy…no, that wasn’t about the eccentrics at all, right? He had just been talking with—

Eichi.

Eichi, who was said to have changed Yumenosaki to be a better place as the student council president.

Eichi, who had been averting his gaze, speaking quietly of causing a revolution and not caring who got hurt. 

Tsumugi had never said “I,” he kept saying “we.” He never claimed to be the only one behind the campaign against those five, though he didn’t correct Aira about it. He never once brought up anyone else involved…

…because he knew that was what Rei didn’t want Aira to find out.

-

It made sense, only, it didn’t.

It made sense that Natsume, who Wataru said doesn’t forget when he had been wronged, would want to tell Aira, who was in a position close to Eichi. It made sense that Rei would ask Natsume not to tell him, not wanting to cause any issues in their dorm. He supposed it made sense that Natsume would be angry about this, and that Wataru would also know what was going on. Tsumugi would have figured it out, knowing that they were roommates. 

All of these things made sense, but it didn’t make sense to Aira that Eichi was the one who did all the awful things Tsumugi told him.

Aira feigned sleep as he rode back to the dorms with Hiiro and a few other idols, resting his head upon the other boy’s shoulder. He didn’t want to talk; he knew he wouldn’t be able to control how mixed up he was feeling inside.

The way Shu had scoffed as they mentioned being near fine’s dressing room. The way that Natsume and other idols would often refer to Eichi as “scheming” and hiding plans. Even Keito had told him that he didn’t wish for Aira to realize he was caught up in something.

Keito, who had been the student council vice president alongside Eichi. He must have been involved as well. 

Some of what Keito said that day made more sense as well. Being so surprised that Rei and Eichi weren’t constantly fighting, that they didn’t even know how to fake getting along. Was it just the two of them fighting, or was Rei fighting the majority of Yumenosaki? And if that was the history that Rei and Eichi had, why would Rei care if Aira found out about it? Why would he want to protect Eichi? Of course Keito wouldn’t believe that the two of them were coexisting if that was their past, let alone the strange question that Keito had asked him before he left. Then again, it didn’t make sense to Aira that Wataru was both a member of fine with Eichi and still close friends with the other four eccentrics if that were the case. 

It was all very confusing and Aira just wanted to sleep for about a week. 

Aira continued to pretend to be sleepy as Hiiro grabbed his hand and the two walked towards the elevator. 

“Aira, you’re really warm, are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” The blonde mumbled, leaning back into Hiiro once they were inside the elevator. Hiiro, thankfully, didn’t push the issue and just let Aira be, holding him close as they ascended. Some of his sleepiness apparently wasn’t fake, as he didn’t even notice that Hiiro hadn’t stopped at his own floor, instead continuing on to the third floor with Aira, walking him the rest of the way to his room. When his head didn’t feel like it was ready to burst, he would have to tell Hiiro how much he appreciated that. 

Quietly slipping into the dorm, Aira found his legs growing heavier and heavier, the walk from the door to his bed seeming like a trek. Unsurprisingly, Rei’s bed was empty. Eichi’s was not; the older man had already passed out for the night, his breathing coming a bit unevenly. Aira couldn’t help but watch him, watch his chest rise and fall and his eyelids occasionally twitch. 

The idol with a sweet smile that he had looked up to for years. His roommate who teased him about his boyfriends and wanted to know what kinds of things he liked as a child. His senpai who looked out for him and made him feel welcome. His friend who had said he could talk to him about anything. 

The person who forcibly changed Yumenosaki at the expense of others. 

It didn’t make sense. 

Chapter Text

It shouldn't have been too surprising to Aira that he woke up feeling sick the morning after ES’s anniversary live. He vaguely remembered a few people telling him he looked or felt warm, and just how heavy his whole body had felt when he finally returned to the dorm. After how busy the past few weeks had been, the stress must have finally caught up with his body. That, and…

…oh.

Aira was suddenly hit with everything that had happened after the live the night prior. Everything that Wataru and Tsumugi had told him, and the part he had figured out on his own. His body had been aching, but now his heart hurt just as much as it had the night before. Burying himself further in his sheets, Aira screwed his eyes shut as his mind replayed the conversations. 

His head felt heavy and stuffed up, but he desperately tried to think of something that would point to it being a lie. Or maybe even an exaggeration. Neither of them had outright said “Eichi did this.” He may have been the student council president, but what if someone else, like Tsumugi or Keito, was the one actually orchestrating what had happened? Or perhaps Eichi was actually in the hospital when all of those things had happened, and his name was just attached to it. Or…maybe the five eccentrics…really had been…

That made him feel even worse to start to think about that. Of course those five could never have stepped on the dreams of others. He was just trying to avoid the truth. Even Kohaku would sometimes tell Aira “be careful around that guy” because of some things Madara had told him. Did everyone know what had happened except for him? 

It hurt to lay in the position he was in, but moving out of it hurt too. His throat was dry and he probably needed to eat, but that required getting out of bed. In bed he was safe, at least. He could keep all of his thoughts huddled up with him and his blankets, and no one would bother him and see how upset he was. If he got out of bed, one or both of his roommates might be there, and he really didn’t know how he would react to seeing either of them. 

All those months ago, Aira had nearly died when he saw which two idols he was sharing a room with, but that excitement was deflated just a bit when they were both in the room and started talking with each other (at length, for hours and hours), an unmistakable tension in the air. What had they been thinking at that moment when they saw the other’s name on the door? What have they been feeling this whole time they lived here together? 

He vaguely felt the bed shake a little, but that was more than likely just the dizziness he was feeling. His mind randomly flitted back to New York, when he had been amazed at Rei’s English and asked him how he sounded so natural. He was very vague about “having to do some things” for Yumenosaki’s sister schools, not really elaborating on it and seeming to want to change the subject as quickly as possible. After they had returned, and Aira stood across from Eichi, recounting their trip, he remembered that Eichi’s mood had shifted when Aira mentioned Rei’s time abroad. Was he the one who asked Rei to go? Or did he make him? Eichi had said being away for too long would have pulled Aira apart, is that what he did to Rei?

Did he feel guilty? Did he care? When Rei had been sick and was shouting at Eichi with pure hurt in his voice, did he care then? When they were in the dressing room together during tech rehearsal and Eichi began speaking about…this (hurting people, using people), he certainly seemed to be looking into the past with regret. If Aira asked Eichi about the truth, would he care? Tsumugi had said all of those things with a fairly calm expression, but if it were coming from Aira, would Eichi show remorse? Would he shed even a single tear?

…Not that he wanted to see Eichi upset. He didn’t. He really didn’t, and he hated that his thoughts went that way. His head was so full. It was probably for the best if he just went back to sleep. Maybe he would feel better when he woke up. Maybe, somehow, things would be easier to digest. It felt a bit like his covers were being slowly tugged from his hands. He gripped tighter, not wanting his safe spot in the bed to be taken from him. Just for a little longer, he thought, he just wanted to stay there for a little longer.

-

Aira found the covers still over his head when he awoke some time later. He couldn't say he felt any better, but at least he didn’t feel worse. He still felt like his head weighed a hundred pounds and like every muscle in his body was on fire. 

Outside of the safety of his cocoon, he could start to make out the sounds of both Eichi and Rei, talking more quietly than he had perhaps ever heard then talk to one another. Were they trying not to disturb him?

“…doesn’t need all of that.” He heard Rei’s voice come closer towards him. 

“All of the boxes say the same thing, so I wasn’t sure which was the best one. They don’t make it easy to figure out, do they...” Aira could hear the sound of something small shaking. 

“I would think that this is something you should know from experience?”

“Fufu, I’ve actually never seen the bottles my medicine comes in.” Eichi laughed gently.  

The blonde started to panic slightly. He knew at some point he would have to talk with them and that he couldn’t hide under his blankets forever, but already? What was he supposed to say? Would it be easier to just pretend like everything was normal? His mind was so muddled and his eyes still so heavy, it would be so easy to…just slip back into sleep…

“…would let me know?” Aira’s body jerked him back awake as Eichi said something, sounding a bit further away then he had a moment (or longer?) ago. 

“Yes, yes, go,” Rei said. The door to their room opened and then shut. It was silent for a moment before Aira felt the bed shift under Rei’s weight. “Can I take this off of you now, Shiratori-kun?” He asked gently as he tried to pry the covers from his grip. “I’ve taught you a bad habit with this, haven’t I? I remember Isara-kun always fussing at Ritsu, saying he would suffocate if he slept with his head under the covers.”

It didn’t take much for Rei to pull the sheets off of Aira’s face, not that Aira had the strength to even try and hold onto them. The light in the room was low, but he found himself wincing at it nonetheless as his head continued pounding. 

“There we go, that’s easier to breathe, isn’t it?” Rei was sitting on the bed beside him, eyes full of care. “You had us worried, you know? Tenshouin-kun said that it didn’t seem as though you got any rest last night with as much as you were tossing and turning.”

Aira opened his mouth to say some sort of apology, but his throat was too dry and burned slightly when he tried to swallow. The older man was quick to offer Aira a glass of water, opening a couple of packages of medicine as he drank. 

“We have enough medicine here to take care of everyone in Starmony Hall for the next couple of years,” Rei said with a bit of a laugh as he handed Aira the pills. “I shouldn’t have been surprised, but apparently the heir to the Tenshouin zaibatsu has never had to get his own medicine before and wasn’t sure what to get for you.”

After completely draining the glass, Rei took it from him and set it on his nightstand. Aira swallowed again, his throat was still slightly uncomfortable but not as bad as it had been moments ago. 

“I know I told you last night, but you were wonderful.” Rei continued. “You’ve improved so much since the last time I was able to see you perform. Alkaloid has been performing a lot recently, and of course that’s a good thing. But you do need to take care of yourself.” 

Aira blinked as suddenly a cool washcloth was being rubbed across his forehead. He looked up at Rei, who was focused on his task of trying to wipe his sweat away and cool him down. 

He realized that…nothing had changed. This wasn’t “the eccentric” or “the victim,” or even “the villain,” but just his roommate Rei. His roommate, this incredibly talented idol, who was caring for him and incredibly close to his face.

“S-Sakuma-senpai!” Aira tried to scoot back but there wasn’t exactly much room on the bed to move to. 

“Ah, you’ve gotten some of your energy back? Good, good.” The unit leader teased, not letting Aira’s escape attempt dissuade him. 

“You’re- you don’t have to—“ The blonde felt his face heating up again. 

“I would never leave my kouhai wanting for anything when he’s sick,” Rei smiled, scooting further onto Aira’s bed, not leaving much space at all. 

“You’re making it wooorse!” Aira grabbed one of his pillows and shoved it in front of his face. 

Rei simply laughed, giving the boy’s head a pat as he sat back up, allowing him a bit of space. “If you’re acting like yourself, that's a good sign. Would you like something to eat? I can’t make much of anything, but I can at least manage toast.”

“Um, y-yeah, I’d really appreciate it,” The blonde pulled the pillow from his face. “Anything is fine.”

“Give me a few moments?” Rei stood up and stretched. “How about you change into some clean clothes while I’m gone.”

It took Aira a good couple of minutes to actually make his way out of bed and to the bathroom (his head still swimming with every movement he made and his limbs stiff and heavy), but changing into a fresh set of pajamas and splashing some water on his face really did help. He slowly made his way back to bed just as Rei was bringing over a cup of tea and plate of toast topped with sliced tomato.

“Thank you so much, senpai,” Aira sighed a little as he took a bite, feeling like it was the first thing he had eaten in weeks. 

“At least someone is appreciative of my cooking,” Rei said as he sat at the edge of Aira’s bed again. “I tried to cook for everyone last night, and even Itsuki-kun, who thinks things like takeout and pizza are beneath them, insisted on just getting food elsewhere.”

“They’re missing out.” Said Aira, trying to keep his thoughts in the present and not wander to his own “last night”, though he still felt his heartbeat get quicker just thinking about it.

The two sat in silence for a bit, Aira finishing his food and Rei seeming as if he were staring at nothing in particular. Aira set his empty plate on his nightstand, drank the last of the tea, and on instinct, felt around under his pillow to find his phone. It was there, he had remembered to put it there in his exhaustion-fueled daze, but the battery was completely dead. As he leaned over to reach his cord, he vaguely remembered Hiiro had been one of the people concerned about him the night before. He made a note to text him and Kohaku as soon as his phone turned back on, so that one or both of them wouldn’t come and try to break the door down looking for him. 

Placing his plugged in phone back under his pillow, Aira realized that Rei had been watching him. 

“So…” the older man started. “Do you want to talk about what Hibiki-kun told you now or later?” 

Of course it would be too good to be true that Aira could just act like things were fine. Of course Rei would know. Wataru had said that Rei would be upset with him for talking about the eccentrics with Aira, but his face remained neutral and calm. 

“He…” Aira didn’t even know what to say. He had so much information dumped onto him in the span of a couple minutes, and hadn’t even fully sorted it out inside his head. He had wanted to ask Rei weeks ago about the eccentrics, but now that he actually knew what had happened and had the opportunity to talk to him, he didn’t know where to begin. 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. You've just never struck me as the “bottle it up” type.” Rei told him with a wry smile. “It’s certainly something I don’t enjoy talking about and would honestly rather just ignore, but I’ll put up with a little discomfort if it helps you, Shiratori-kun.”

Rei saying he would rather just ignore it made Aira think of what he had told him when they were in his bedroom at his family’s house, about how he would try not to think about the things bothering him by either running away or doing something dangerous. He could tell it was something Rei wasn’t particularly proud of, but he told Aira (and Eichi) anyway. He was a little scared, but Aira felt that he didn’t want to run away from this, no matter how overwhelming it may have seemed. 

He took a deep breath. 

“Hibiki-senpai…and Aoba-senpai…said that the five of you were made out to be the reason Yumenosaki was a bad place…and that you all were treated really horribly…” Aira said slowly. Saying it out loud to Rei was hard.

“Hibiki-kun didn’t mention Aoba-kun was there, but…” Rei wiped a hand down his face and sighed. “Yes, that’s the short version of it.”

“How did… why did you put up with that?” The blonde asked. “And how could someone just move on from that? And if that’s how things were, how did they change? And…was it…” Another deep breath. “Was it really Tenshouin-senpai who did those things?”

Rei nodded as he listened to Aira. “We put up with it…” He looked skyward and crossed one leg over the other. “Because there wasn’t much else of a choice. In Itsuki-kun’s case, for example, they didn’t realize that they couldn’t fight back until it was too late. Natsume and Shinkai-kun were just trying to live their lives, dealing with their own issues. And as for myself…well, for a lot of the time that this was all happening, I wasn’t even in the country.”

“When you were at Yumenosaki’s sister schools?” Aira asked.

“That was part of where I spent my time.” Rei ran his fingers through his hair. “I left when things were bad, and I came back to find my closest friends broken. For a while, I felt like if I hadn’t gone, maybe I could have protected them.”

Aira remained still, taking in what Rei was saying. Unlike when he had been not feeling well and took out his anger on Eichi, his voice didn’t sound as hurt, as sad. He sounded more distant, like he was speaking about something that happened in a completely different life, even though it could have only been a couple of years.

“As for your second question, it’s as simple as that we couldn’t remain stuck in the past.” Rei said, echoing what Wataru and Tsumugi had said. “Shinkai-kun, Natsume, Itsuki-kun, Hibiki-kun…they all found a new reason to keep moving forward. It took a moment, but I did as well. Things changed because time changed, people changed. The five eccentrics were “executed” to start a revolution, but as I’m sure you know, Trickstar brought that revolution to a peaceful conclusion.”

“That’s…the only thing I knew.” Aira said. “Before I was an idol, when Trickstar was growing in popularity, a lot of their fans said they made Yumenosaki a better place and paved the way for smaller units, but…” He frowned. “I thought the story was that Tenshouin-senpai had something to do with that “peaceful conclusion” too. Was that a lie? Because if he’s the one who turned everyone against you, how could he then make things better? Aoba-senpai said that they got rid of the students they didn’t think needed to be there?”

Rei took a slow breath in, seeming to contemplate how to respond. “While he wasn’t the sole architect of the plan…it was Tenshouin-kun who gave us our name, put us up on a pedestal, and then ripped out from under our feet. All of the hurt that we had to endure at that time, we wouldn’t have had to endure if not for him.”

Actually hearing Rei confirm it…Aira felt his heart sink. He was still holding out some vague hope that he had been wrong. 

“I’m not going to speak for Tenshouin-kun, and I don’t want you to think I’m defending his actions in any way,” Rei continued. “But the things he did, he did because he loves idols. Yumenosaki had become a place where many thought they could do whatever they wanted and still become a top idol without putting any work in. The school had been gaining a reputation that anyone who came from there was no good, and he didn’t want to see that happen.  As I said, I’m not defending what he did, and as time went on, it became clear that he had gained other goals besides simply making the school a better place, but that’s where it started. He told the student body it was because of us five that the school was a bad place, and the rules of the school, of units, of lives, changed. As things changed, more and more students couldn’t keep up and left, or…well, they left.”

“There had to have been other ways to change things, though!” Aira insisted.

“Of course there may have been, but there’s no point in thinking too hard on something that can’t be changed.” The older man said. “Believe me, I’ve wasted countless nights replaying everything in my head, wondering if I had just said or done this or that differently, if things wouldn’t have gone the way they did.”

“I just really don’t understand…how Tenshouin-senpai…” Aira frowned as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. “I can’t see him being that kind of person.” 

“Oh? He would be happy to hear that from you,” Rei said with an amused laugh. “Of course that’s not the part of himself he would want you to see. Out of all of the people involved on that side of the scheme, when the dust settled and they could take a step back to see what had happened, I believe it was Tenshouin-kun who regretted his actions the most.”

“How do you know that?” Aira asked. “Did he apologize?”

“Oh, not at all. Not to me, at least.” Rei waved a hand. “The way he treats those around him now…It’s just a feeling I have. Ah, I doubt even he knows this, but as someone who regularly stays awake long past when everyone else is asleep, I’ve witnessed numerous instances of Tenshouin-kun waking himself up from nightmares, mumbling about the past.”

“So…do you forgive him, then?” The blonde asked as he absentmindedly fiddled with his sheets. “Hibiki-senpai must forgive him since he’s in fine, right?”

“Hibiki-kun is a bit of a special case here, but yes, though I don’t believe he ever had many ill feelings towards Tenshouin-kun, if any at all.” Rei seemed to roll his eyes a bit, for a brief moment bearing even more of a resemblance to his brother. “As for myself…that’s a very complicated question that I don’t think I have an answer to. If you’re asking me if I hate him, then the answer is no, not unless he’s being particularly annoying about something.” He said with a smile, though Aira couldn’t tell if he was genuinely just being a little silly, or just trying to lighten the mood for his sake. 

“I…see.” Aira frowned again. He didn’t feel as sick to his stomach about what they were discussing as he had been, yet a lot of what Rei was saying was still…vague. His answers to Aira’s questions only brought up about five more questions in his head. 

“If you would like…” Rei leaned back onto his hands. “If it would be easier for you, I can tell you my side of the story.”

“If it wouldn’t be too much of a bother…I would really like to know whatever you want to tell me.” He nodded. 

The unit leader thought for a moment, staring up at the ceiling. Then with a quick motion, Rei settled himself so that he was lying next to Aira, the two of them face to face. 

“I’m getting comfortable, okay? I’ll be here for a while.” He told Aira. “I’ll warn you now that this may not paint me in the best of lights either. Though we’ve escaped now, back then both Tenshouin-kun and I may very well have fallen through to the lowest levels of hell together.”

-

Rei made it mostly to the end of his story before both Kohaku and Hiiro came to check on Aira. The two were relieved to see he was okay, especially Hiiro who had seen how off he was the night before. The blonde apologized for worrying his boyfriends (who of course insisted he had nothing to apologize for), and he let them know he would get rest so that he would feel well enough to spend the next day with them. 

When Aira had closed the door and turned back around, he saw that Rei had actually fallen asleep in his bed, long limbs stretched out so much that Aira couldn’t comfortably lay down himself. 

“Senpai…” Aira tried shaking his shoulder gently, but was only meant with a snuffling sort of sound. He couldn’t blame him too much; Rei had also performed last night and then had some sort of get together for a while afterwards. He had also been talking for quite a while, patiently answering Aira’s questions as he went. 

But Aira was still not feeling the best and really wanted to lay back down.

He found himself heading over towards Eichi’s bed, gently sitting on the edge. He had listened intently to everything Rei had told him. It was…a lot. Even still, Aira could tell there were a couple of things that Rei remained vague on, possibly because he wasn’t present for or if it was something he didn’t want Aira to know. 

He apologized for asking Natsume to not mention anything about the past to him. He didn’t really say why Natsume had suddenly wanted to tell Aira about what happened, but he knew that Aira learning about the history that he and Eichi had at Yumenosaki would be something that would upset him. He said it was selfish, but seeing Aira and all of the newer idols come into Yumenosaki and ES unaffected by the past made it seem as though that era had truly come to an end. Rei wanted to preserve that as much as possible, especially with Aira. 

Aira found himself laying back on the bed. Just for a moment, he told himself. It was comfortable. He had asked Rei if it was weird to be living with Eichi after everything that had happened. Rei had remarked that it was definitely a strange twist of fate, and obviously had its stressful moments, but it hadn’t been as bad as he had anticipated. He had said that Aira’s presence had played a part in getting through the early days of living together, as he claimed that the two had something of an unspoken agreement not to act too ugly when he was there.

While Aira had asked quite a lot as Rei spoke, Rei had only asked Aira two things in return.

“I won’t be upset with whatever you say, but after telling you all of this, I have to ask if you are still comfortable being in this room with Tenshouin-kun and myself.” Rei had asked.

“I am…okay, yeah.” Aira answered honestly. “I am. Thank you. The Sakuma-senpai and Tenshouin-senpai that I’ve always known are the ones who live with me now, not the ones from a couple years ago.”

The second question came in response to something that Aira asked right before Hiiro had loudly knocked on the door.

“Can you…at least for right now, can you not tell Tenshouin-senpai that I know about all of this?” 

“Are you sure?” Rei’s red eyes were focused on Aira.

“I’m sure.” Aira nodded. “Kind of for the same reason you didn’t want me to know…I think if he knew that I found out, he would get really upset.”

Rei hummed in thought. “That is very probable, yes.” He had said. “I won’t tell him, but let me know if things change and you require help in talking to him about it.”

His eyelids were heavy and it became harder and harder to keep his eyes open. It was still early in the afternoon, but he was still exhausted. He rolled over, not really remembering that he wasn’t on his own bed until he slowly realized the pillow he was grabbing at felt different than his own. It was probably okay. He’d just stay there for a minute, and then kick Rei out of his bed. He definitely wouldn’t fall asleep right there. 

Aira was still struggling a little with all that he learned about his roommates, but he was trying to process it as rationally as possible. Hearing Rei talking about moving forward and leaving those events in the past was more meaningful than hearing Wataru or Tsumugi say those things. Rei had told his side of the story with as neutral of a tone as possible, not putting his own emotions into his words for the most part. He was trying to leave it in the past, as was everyone else involved, so it wouldn’t do Aira any good to dwell on things that he hadn’t even been a part of.

Rei had said he didn’t know if he forgave Eichi or not, which made sense to Aira, but it was the things that Eichi had done that Rei didn’t want Aira to know about the most. He could have told Natsume that he could at least tell Aira that much, or he could have told Aira himself at any point, but he didn’t. He didn’t want Aira to hate Eichi. Maybe Rei did that for Aira’s sake, or for his own sake so living together wouldn’t be awkward, but…Aira was very certain Rei also didn’t want to see Eichi upset. 

One day, maybe, he would talk to Eichi about it, but maybe he wouldn’t. Aira remembered how Eichi had sounded when he had just barely brought up his time at Yumenosaki. Aira had stood up and hugged him tight because the look in his eyes had scared him. There was hurt, and guilt, and Aira didn’t want his roommate to feel those things. Eichi hadn’t elaborated on anything he talked about, and he hadn’t brought it up since. If he told Eichi that he knew what he had done, he knew that Eichi would feel like he had that day in the dressing room. 

Aira was aware that he was slipping in and out of sleep. He tried telling himself to wake up but it wasn’t working. It would be okay. He’d get up in a little while. Burying his face into the pillow, he felt safe and content, much more relaxed then he had been since before the live the night before. 

Chapter Text

Aira was always amazed at how it seemed like Anzu could convince anyone at ES to do pretty much anything. Not that she was pitching bad ideas; every proposal that Alkaloid had ever had from Anzu had turned out great. She was wonderful at knowing what each unit that she worked with excelled at and how to make it something that the audience would respond well to (and also, how to make it profitable). But sometimes, every once in a while, the ideas she had were just a bit out of nowhere.

“All night?” Aira stared at Hiiro. “Like, all night?”

“Umu! Until the sun comes up!” Hiiro replied happily. 

Aira looked from Hiiro’s beaming face over to Tatsumi and Mayoi. 

“Is that something fans would really want to see?” Mayoi asked. “T-then, I’ll do my best!”

“It’s a little unusual, but I can imagine it will be fun,” Tatsumi said with a small laugh. 

The four were currently sitting on the floor of the dance room, taking a break from their first practice they were able to all be together for in a couple of weeks. As he was grabbing his water bottle, Hiiro had checked his phone to see he had gotten mail from Anzu about a streaming fan event that they were invited to participate in. 

Aira looked over at Hiiro’s phone, reading over what Hiiro had just told them. He noticed at the top of the email, there were a lot of names listed in the “sent to” box. 

“Who else is participating in this? Can you just tap right there—“ Aira tapped the box even as he asked Hiiro to do it. The list of names expanded and Aira quickly skimmed through all of the unit leaders listed. “ …Everyone in ES is doing this?!” He realized. Suddenly his own hesitation about the event was gone. “Aah, I can see why Anzu would want to do this, I can’t wait to see what everyone else does!”

ES would regularly hold fan events, either streaming or in person, usually with multiple units appearing. In the past, this had ranged from lives where any audience member could attend the meet and greet afterwards rather than having to pay extra or win a lottery for the experience, to smaller things such as a month where every Friday, Knights would livestream for a couple hours, cooking and answering fan questions. For the end of summer, Anzu had proposed a livestream that would take place over the span of an entire night. From sundown to sunrise, a fireworks show would be held, and every so often some of the idols would come in front of the camera to watch and interact with each other. 

“I’ll be lucky if I can stay up through the whole thing,” Tatsumi mused. “Aira-san and Mayoi-san usually stay up later, but Hiiro-san and myself usually turn in early, don’t we?”

“I don’t stay up that late,” Aira found himself grumbling. Tatsumi didn’t need to know that the night before he was up until three or four watching Jun and Yuuki’s gaming stream. He may not have cared at all about what they were playing, but he liked hearing them talk!

“I had to stay up through the night a couple of times when I was a child,” Hiiro recalled. “If I need to do it, I’m sure that I can! I will go ahead and accept…” The redhead sent back the reply to Anzu. 

Alkaloid didn’t get much more practice done after accepting the job. Tatsumi had to get up even earlier than normal for a photoshoot the next day, so after thirty minutes more of dancing, he bid the group a good night and left. Aira and Mayoi were more than willing to continue practice, but Hiiro said that since Tatsumi had already left, it would probably be good for him to also stop for the night, mentioning summer homework he wanted to get out of the way. 

“We still have two weeks left before we go back?” Aira pointed out. 

“That will go by quickly, more than likely,” Mayoi spoke up as he wiped his face with a towel. “Ah, of course I’ve already got most of mine done, but I understand wanting to get it out of the way.”

“Most of mine is complete as well, but if I can finish it up tonight, it will be easier to focus on our upcoming jobs.” Hiiro replied.

(Aira stayed silent, because he hadn’t even started on any of his summer homework.) 

Hiiro left as well, leaving Mayoi and Aira. The two debated if they should continue working on getting some of the finer details of the choreography down, but after a couple minutes, they both decided to just call it a night. 

“Mayoi-san,” Aira said as he packed up his things. “You’ve always lived around here, right? Do you know any really good festivals? Like which ones are really big?”

“I-I have,” Mayoi jumped slightly at the break in silence. “I can’t say I’ve been to any of them, but I do know which ones are supposed to be the best.”

“Can you text that to me? I want to go to at least one this summer with Hiiro and Kohakkuchi.” Aira said happily. “I haven’t been to one since I was a kid…Hiro said he never had anything like that in his hometown, and Kohakucchi claims he’s never been to one either.”

“Kohaku-san hasn’t?” Mayoi asked. Aira shook his head; he didn’t blame Mayoi for being confused, as Kohaku seemed to imply his family was very traditional. Aira assumed summer festivals would be something he was well accustomed to. He had questioned his boyfriend about it, but for whatever reason Kohaku wouldn’t get into the specifics. Aira dropped it, instead proclaiming that he would show both Kohaku and Hiiro the best festival experience he could. They had both agreed, Kohaku giving the (not at all serious) caveat that he had to take him to one before Madara did.

“When I get back to my room, I’ll send you the information.” Mayoi told him. “Fufufu…that’s nice, the three of you spending time together like that..fufu…”

Aira’s cheeks turned slightly red. Much like with Mika, and like with his roommates, they had never actually told Mayoi (or anyone!) that they were dating, yet somehow they just knew. (Confessing to his roommates that he liked them didn’t count as admitting they were dating! Asking Mika how to make three little beaded bracelets that the three of them often wore didn’t count, either! …even if he did talk about wanting to make it something special, and when Mika had mused “like me ‘n Oshi-san” and Aira didn’t deny it, it definitely didn’t count as saying they were dating!) Then again, Mayoi seemed to know everything that went on both at ES itself and in the dorms. Even if Hiiro was pretty good about being subtle around the other members of Alkaloid, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for Mayoi to have accidentally spotted them together somewhere. 

“Mayo-san, how did you even know?” Aira couldn’t help but ask. He lowered his voice even though the room they were in was soundproof. “It’s because of Hiro, right? Because he doesn’t know how to be subtle even after I told him-“

“A-ah, Aira-san…” Mayoi started hesitantly, cutting off Aira’s well-intentioned fussing. “The three of you…” He looked off to the side and fidgeted with his hands. “Aira-san especially, but… none of you are, you know, subtle.”

The blonde stared at his unit mate, taking a moment to comprehend what exactly he was saying. Surely at least he was subtle - he never kissed them in public, never even held their hands in public unless they knew they were somewhere completely alone! “…How?!” 

“Well…of course this is just mainly from observing you and Hiiro-san, but..It’s pretty obvious when one of you gets a text from the other because you stare at your phone with such a cute love-struck expression…you all talk about each other all the time, and especially when it’s the four of us, you and Hiiro-san bring up things you want to show or tell Kohaku-san…” Mayoi laughed a little to himself, staring at his fingers. “Ah, and, of course whenever you’re talking with one of them, it’s almost like there’s little hearts in your eyes, and-“

“Aah, stop! Don’t say it like that! It’s really cringey!” Aira hid his red face in his hands. Were they that obvious? If they were… “But, that’s really bad, right? If it gets out that we’re dating-“

“I think it’s only because we’ve spent so much time together that I could tell!” Mayoi quickly exclaimed, trying to calm down Aira’s impending panic. “The average fan or reporter would never see you like Tatsumi-san and myself do…or, you know, like your friends and such.”

Aira didn’t really want to think about how many people were on the list of “friends and such,” but was slightly comforted that it wasn’t just random strangers who might learn they were dating and use that information against them. “…so, Tattsun-senpai knows too?”

“Ah, of course, and he’s always been happy for the three of you, j-just like I have…” Mayoi smiled.

“Thank you, Mayo-san,” Aira returned his smile. He grabbed his bag and slung the strap over his shoulder, Mayoi finishing throwing the last few things in his and zipping it up. “Sometimes it’s like you and Tattsun-senpai really are like a mother and father with the way you watch out for us. Maybe you two should date, too. Fans already ship it~” 

Aira laughed at his own remark (because that would be really cute, wouldn’t it?) before heading towards the door. He didn’t hear Mayoi behind him and quickly turned to check on the other man, worried that his joke about dating Tatsumi may have been taken the wrong way. Instead of seeing his unit mate upset, he saw Mayoi frozen in the same spot he had been moments ago, face completely red, sharp teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

“…Mayo-san, do you like Tattsun-senpai?” Aira asked, feeling a rush of excitement at that possibility. 

“I…” Mayoi looked to Aira, then quickly looked away, crouching down into a ball, face in his hands just like Aira had done. Aira hurriedly went back to his side and crouched down beside him, not wanting the older man to feel uncomfortable by what he asked. Mayoi only flinched away slightly when he saw that Aira was so close to him again. “Actually, it’s…f-for the past couple of months, he…w-we…”

“You’re dating Tattsun-senpai?!” Aira practically shouted, beaming at Mayoi. The other man quickly clamped his hands over Aira’s mouth, before just as quickly retracting them.

“Aah, I’m s-sorry for touching your face with my dirty, worthless handsss!” He exclaimed as he began to recoil into himself.

It took Aira a bit to calm Mayoi down again, but eventually he was able to get Mayoi out of a loop of apologizing and self-deprecation. Much more relaxed, Mayoi confirmed that the two of them were indeed a couple. Aira was a little disappointed in himself that he never picked up on it more than just what he assumed was harmless teasing, but he was incredibly happy for his two seniors. The two finally left the practice room not long after that, Aira insisting that Mayoi and Tatsumi should join him and his boyfriends on their eventual festival date. Face still slightly red, Mayoi smiled shyly and agreed that it sounded nice.

-

As Aira reached his room, he heard his phone’s text chime and saw that he (and Mayoi and Tatsumi) had been forwarded something from Hiiro. Unlocking the door with one hand, he scrolled through the message that had been sent from Anzu to Hiiro after Hiiro had confirmed Alkaloid’s participation in the firework event. The message contained a link to the announcement on various social medias as well as a more detailed version of the initial job summary, detailing the exact location, ensuring that refreshments and snacks would be provided, noting that a nap room would be available to them to use in between appearances, and finally, a schedule of which idol would appear and when.

Aira finally got the door open (which would have gone a lot faster if he had been actually looking at what he was doing instead of his phone, but oh well) and saw that it was only Eichi in the room, sitting up at the table and working on his laptop, much like he had been every night for the past couple of days. The two greeted each other, Eichi promising he was about to stop for the night so he wouldn’t keep Aira up with the sound of his typing. Aira set his bag down and pulled up the message Hiiro had sent again, scrolling through the schedule. It looked like just about everyone was appearing on their own, and many also appearing in pairs. He smiled to himself as he saw Mayoi and Tatsumi’s names paired together close to the top. Even if it was work and they were being recorded, he was sure the two of them would enjoy watching fireworks together. 

As he kept scrolling, he saw a few other pairs that he knew must have been intentionally done for fanservice. There were a few time slots simply marked as “special” and a block at the bottom that seemed to be for each unit as a whole. Aira felt his heart skip a beat when he saw that close to the bottom, he was listed as appearing with Hiiro. Remembering what Mayoi had said about his expressions, Aira was now suddenly conscious of how much that made him smile. It would have been nice if it were the three of them, but he was sure they could find time to sneak away and watch together off camera as well.

He was slightly concerned - knowing now that apparently the three of them were not as subtle as they thought - about he and Hiiro being filmed together, but assumed it would be fine. As long as they both stared straight out at the fireworks - and not each other - it wouldn’t be an issue. 

Aira had to wonder…was it just their relationship that Aira wasn’t subtle about hiding? He knew he didn’t have a stereotypical cool persona, like HiMERU, who rarely showed any change in emotion, but he didn’t think he was that obvious about showing how he was feeling inside…was he? And if he was, what else was able to be discerned just by looking at his face?

For example, could Eichi tell that Aira now knew what had happened during his time at Yumenosaki?

It hadn’t been as hard as Aira thought it would be to act like things were just as they always had been around Eichi. Probably because nothing had actually changed. Aira didn’t meet Eichi until after all of those bad things had happened; it wasn’t anything that really affected him. 

Of course, that didn’t stop Aira from feeling slightly awkward the first time that he had talked to Eichi after Rei had told him everything that he did. The situation was made even more awkward due to the fact that he had accidentally fallen asleep on Eichi’s bed after talking with Rei and woke up right as Eichi was coming back in. Still quite exhausted, he sluggishly flailed himself into a sitting position before the motion made his head dizzy and he collapsed back down. Eichi laughed gently and remarked that he seemed to be feeling better, asking why Aira was on his bed and not his own. Aira simply pointed at the Rei-sized lump that was still in his bed. Eichi pointed out that he could have slept in Rei’s bed, and teased Aira by asking if he missed him and that’s why he had fallen asleep there. Face red, Aira had to resort to the very drastic measure of weakly hitting Rei with a pillow until he got out of his bed.

The second time they talked had still been a little strange for Aira, as he tried not to think too much about Eichi’s past while making small talk before bed. The third and fourth time had also been a little uncomfortable, but by the fifth time, Aira found it a lot easier to put all of those thoughts in a little box in the back of his mind because they weren’t important right then. If Eichi had noticed Aira was acting any differently, he certainly didn’t say anything about it. 

Still, even though it was easier for Aira not to think about what Rei had referred to as “the war,” that didn’t mean he just stopped thinking about it altogether. He hadn’t yet decided if it was something he would ever bring up to Eichi, but knew that if he did, it wouldn’t be any time soon. That didn’t stop him from trying to occasionally read into the things Eichi said a bit more than he had before, especially whenever he would talk with Rei, just to see if he could find any hints of the past in his words. Aira had even started asking Eichi small questions here and there, just little innocuous things to see what sorts of answers he would give. “Why did you join the tea club at school?” “Why did you decide to go to Yumenosaki?” “When did you get the idea for Ensemble Square?”

Aira didn’t even know why he was doing that; he knew he was playing a dangerous game by skirting on the edge of asking something that would make it very obvious that he knew what had happened. Something like that would more than likely lead to hurting Eichi and possibly straining their friendship, which Aira didn’t want, of course. Yet he couldn’t help himself, and he didn’t know why. 

He heard Eichi close the lid of his laptop and sigh softly. “Did you have a good night, Shiratori-kun?” He asked, a hint of sleepiness in his voice despite his smile. “I assume Amagi-kun told you about the livestreaming event in a few days?”

“He did, it seems like it’ll be fun,” Aira sat on the edge of his bed, facing Eichi. “I’ll have to drink a lot of coffee to stay up that long, though, but I want to watch as much of it as I can.”

“Yes, I’m definitely going to be taking advantage of the nap room,” Eichi chuckled. “I was a little hesitant when Anzu-chan pitched the idea, but so far the public reaction to it has been quite positive.” The older man stood from where he was sitting, stretching a bit before unplugging his laptop from the wall.

“Tenshouin-senpai, can I ask you something?” Aira spoke up, scooting further back onto his bed.

“Of course,” Eichi straightened back up. “You’ve been asking me a lot of things lately, I appreciate it, but I am curious where it’s coming from.”

Mayoi may have been onto something with the “not subtle” comment, Aira thought with a bit of disappointment. Even still, Aira continued, “Um, there’s just a lot I realized that I don’t know about you? But, someone said something to me today and I was wondering, is it really obvious when I’m, like, happy or sad or whatever?”

“Mm, I would say so,” Eichi mused. Hearing him say it with no hesitation was just a bit frustrating. “Ah, but that’s not a bad thing. I’ve said this before, but I think it’s good that you’re so honest with your feelings.”

“I didn’t think I was so obvious that Mayoi-san and Tattsun-senpai could tell that me and Hiro and Kohakkuchi were dating without even telling them,” Aira huffed. “What if I get annoyed with something during an interview and everyone thinks I’m mean?”

“I doubt you would,” The older man came closer and sat on the couch. “Tori-kun’s done something similar, though, and everyone thought it was cute.”

“Me being angry isn’t cute, though?” Aira flopped over sideways onto his bed and hugged one of his pillows to his chest. “Mayoi-san said it was probably only my friends who could tell how I’m feeling from my face, but I still don’t like it. Now I’m going to be thinking about what I look like to others all the time.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Eichi assured him. “Even Shiratori-kun’s angry face is cute.”

“That’s not helpful!” Aira’s exclamation was only met with a laugh, which was also not helpful. 

“Ayase-kun is right, though. It probably is only those who already care for you that would be able to read you so easily.“ Eichi said as he pulled his phone from his pocket. “If the alternative is not letting anyone know when something is troubling you, I don’t think your friends would dislike being able to know that you’re feeling upset or annoyed, and being able to help you out.” 

“Mmph,” he mumbled into the top of the pillow. Eichi was more than likely right, but he was still a little annoyed that his emotions were so obvious. Maybe he would try to work on it, but also if both Eichi and Mayoi weren’t saying that it was a bad thing, maybe it was just something about himself he would have to accept. 

Aira glanced at his own phone, seeing the screen light up with a notification. Mayoi had texted him three different times and locations for summer festivals, noting that one in particular was supposed to have a lot of different vendors and events and a large fireworks display. He relayed this to Hiiro and Kohaku, as well as asking Mayoi if he and Tatsumi would still want to join them when they went. Kohaku responded almost immediately, saying that Aira was quicker than Madara in inviting him to a festival, but not quicker than Rinne, who had been looking over his shoulder at Aira’s text and invited himself and the rest of Crazy:B “and some other friends” (Kohaku wasn’t sure exactly who this referred to) to accompany them. Aira was a little annoyed that Rinne was intruding on their double date, but Niki and HiMERU were usually pretty easygoing, and Rinne already called him “Hiiro’s girlfriend,” so it couldn’t be too bad. 

“Senpai,” Aira lowered his phone. “You must have been to a lot of summer festivals as a kid, right? Since you’re friends with Hasumi-senpai, his family’s temple hosts them, right?”

“I’ve only been two times,” Eichi replied. “Almost every year, I ended up too sick to go each time Keito invited me.”

“Really?” Aira sat back up. “A bunch of us are going the night after the livestream, do you want to come with us?”

“Mm, I wouldn’t want to intrude on something you and your partners were doing alone, but thank you for the invitation,” The older man said politely. 

“Well, it was going to be us three and— and some other people, like a double date.” Aira caught himself before he could accidentally spill his unit mate’s secret. “But then Rinne invited the rest of Crazy:B and maybe some other people, so. At this point, I guess we’re just one big group. You should come!”

Eichi seemed to contemplate this for a moment more before closing the flap of his phone case and nodding. “In that case, I’m looking forward to it~”

“Me, too! Aah, it’s going to be so love~ly~” Aira grinned. “Oh, I should invite Sakuma-senpai too, do you think he’d want to come?” 

“I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”

“I’ll ask when I see him next! Or if you see him first, can you ask him?” Aira realized he was practically bouncing where he sat, but he didn’t even care. The brief disappointment he felt at having Rinne crash their date was replaced by anticipation for spending a fun evening with his friends. 

He and Eichi talked for a bit more, recalling their past summer festival experiences and some of the things they hadn’t ever gotten to do. Aira was pleased to see that Eichi seemed as genuinely excited as he did. Eichi did say that he liked how Aira was honest with his feelings, but it wasn’t a common thing that he would show his unfiltered emotion to Aira. It meant a lot that Eichi would present this side of himself to Aira, and Aira supposed he could put up with a bit of teasing about his angry face being cute as payment. 

Chapter Text

The sun hadn’t even set yet and Aira was already suppressing a yawn as he chose a coffee drink from the vending machine, watching as it clunk ed to the bottom.

“Y’gonna make it, Love-han?” Kohaku asked jokingly, standing off to the side. “Y’can take a nap if ya want, ya know.”

“I know, but…” Aira opened the can and took a giant gulp before wrinkling his nose. He was so tired that he had accidentally chosen the black coffee and not one with milk. It’s not that he couldn’t drink it black, but it tasted so much better with something in it. “I’ll be sad if I can’t watch everyone.”

“Yer just watching us watch fireworks,” Kohaku laughed as he pulled out his phone, touching it to the machine’s payment pad to get Aira a different drink. “And y’know people online will record that stuff so y’can watch it later.”

“I know .” Aira reiterated. He tried not to seem too eager to swap drinks with the one Kohaku had just bought, but couldn’t help downing it in almost one go. Kohaku liked idols just like Aira did, but he just didn’t get it.

To be fair, that was the worry that a lot of higher ups had when Anzu originally pitched the idea - “who is going to enjoy staying up all night watching other people watch fireworks?” But Anzu persisted and the social media reaction had been incredibly positive. Some fans were even planning group watch parties both online and in person with friends; many fans overseas were excited that they could be awake for it. It was something different and it seemed to be very anticipated. 

Aira got it. He didn’t like the staying up part since he was already tired, but it was like sharing a special moment with your favorite idol! And if they come out with one of their friends? It was like you could peek in on an intimate moment that they were having!

Aira had planned to sleep in for as long as possible, but had been woken up early by Hiiro insisting that he would help him finish (aka start) his summer homework. He tried bargaining, insisting that he would do it the next day, but Hiiro pointed out that their job wouldn’t be over until around five in the morning, and they had already made plans to attend a summer festival that night. The day after that, they would have to return back to school. So the two settled down in the dorm’s common area (which was mostly empty as everyone else tried to rest up for the event that night), and Aira begrudgingly sat in the same spot for three hours straight as Hiiro cheerfully assisted him. 

It wasn’t that Aira didn’t appreciate the gesture, he really did, but all of that mental work had him already worn out before noon. He had headed back to his room afterwards, planning to take a nap, but just couldn’t end up falling asleep. Eventually he had to accept that he wasn’t getting any more rest and had to get up and get ready. 

The site that they would be viewing the fireworks from was on the deck of a cruise ship, which would set out from its dock to get a good view of the fireworks along with the lights of the city. Aira had never been on a cruise ship before, and associated them mostly with adults going on dates on TV shows. The sheer size of it was almost intimidating to look up at as he boarded with the rest of Alkaloid. A staff member showed them where they could put their things, where the food had been laid out and where the (somewhat soundproof) nap rooms were, and a couple more of the lounge areas that were available for them to use. Finally, the four were taken to the deck where the camera was already set up, a rectangle of tape on the wooden floor denoting what would be in the frame. 

Anzu had come up to them, asking for Hiiro to join her and the other unit leaders to go over a few things. Aira had spotted Kohaku, waving to Mayoi and Tatsumi before the two headed towards the vending machines to get Aira his coffee. The two slowly walked through the corridors of the ship, taking in the sights and catching up with what they had done the past few days in more detail than had been conveyed over their texts. Eventually, after being asked two more times, Aira relented and they headed back towards one of the nap rooms.

“I’m setting an alarm,” Aira said firmly as he was gently led to one of the beds. “You’re one of the first ones, right? I don’t want to miss it.”

“If ya sleep through it, I’ll do it again, just fer you and Hiiro, ‘kay?” Kohaku said quietly so as not to disturb the room’s other occupant. “An’ maybe you two can watch them with me.” He teased, giving Aira a small kiss on the crown of his head. 

“Both is good,” Aira settled into the sheets, watching as Kohaku left the room. He still wasn’t sure if he could actually get any sleep, but laying still in a fancy bed with squishy pillows would hopefully recharge him a bit more. 

After a while, he felt the ship’s rocking increase and the noise coming from below grow louder; he assumed they had finally left the dock. The other person in the room groaned and turned over, wild red hair poking out from under the blankets. Aira remembered Hiiro had told him a while ago that Akatsuki’s Kiryuu got motion sickness incredibly easily and hoped that the older man would be able to make it through the night. Aira had been a bit worried that he might get seasick as well, as it wasn’t something he was used to, but instead he found the rocking quite calming…

…And then his phone’s alarm went off. 

Aira shot up, slightly disoriented. Hadn’t he just laid down a minute ago? When did Kiryuu leave? Outside the window, he could see that the sun had set, and the room was now mostly dark save for one lamp by the door. After taking a moment to realize that he did fall asleep (even though he felt more groggy than before), Aira also realized that the muffled sound he was occasionally hearing from outside were the fireworks that had already started. 

Aira hastily got out of bed and made his way back to the bigger of the lounge areas. He waved as he passed Mika, and then all of Undead, and finally he found his unit mates sitting on a couch by one of the TVs that was showing the livestream. Just as he sat down next to Hiiro, Kohaku came into frame on the TV, giving the camera a little wave before leaning on the railing to watch the fireworks. Aira watched the stream’s chat go by almost too quickly for him to keep up, with viewers happy to see him, repeating his name, spamming sakura emojis, calling him cool and cute. After about a minute, Kohaku made his exit, moments later coming into view as he strolled around the corner. 

Hiiro and Aira let Kohaku know how much the chat liked seeing him, which put a smile on the pink-haired boy’s face. He then offered for the three of them to go back onto the deck to spend a while looking at the fireworks together. The trio found a spot that was far enough away from the camera that they wouldn’t be in anyone’s way, but close enough that they could still watch whose turn it was. Aira let out a content sigh; even though it was summer, the temperature was a bit cool due to being on the ocean, but as he leaned on the railing between Hiiro and Kohaku, he still felt quite warm. 

Aira watched as several idols came up on the deck at once, including Rei. Anzu rushed up behind them, giving he and Chiaki something to hold before offering Adonis, Midori, and Kanata some colorful birthday hats. The two unit leaders led the other three into the shot to set off little party poppers and give them each a treat before watching the fireworks that were made for their birthday. After their screen time was up, Rei gave Adonis a friendly pat on the shoulder before separating from the group and approaching Aira. 

“That was nice,” Aira commented. “I bet the fans thought it was really cute!”

“It made Adonis-kun smile, and that’s what’s important.” The older man said. 

“Sakuma-senpai, you’re joining us tomorrow night at the festival, right?” Hiiro asked. 

“Yes, Tenshouin-kun told me,” Rei said as he leaned on the railing next to Kohaku. “You three, us two, and two others, right?” 

“No, it’s more like us three, you two, the rest of Alkaloid and Crazy:B and…” Aira looked at Kohaku who shrugged. “Whoever else Rinne-senpai invites. I told Tenshouin-senpai that when I asked him to ask you.” 

“It must have slipped his mind,” Rei said. 

“That’s strange for him not to remember that,” Aira mused. Looking past Rei, he watched as Mayoi and Tatsumi made their entrance in front of the camera together. The livestream would have only gotten a brief glimpse of Mayoi’s face, but from off the side, Aira could definitely see a blush of pink on his smiling face. 

“I’ll leave you three alone now,” Rei said with a wink, straightening himself up. “I’m sure we’ll run into each other again tonight.”

“See you later,” Aira waved before resting his head on Kohaku’s shoulder 

-

Aira tried his hardest to stay alert the rest of the night, but the gentle rocking mixed with the lack of stimulation (he could only scroll on his phone for so long before even that became boring) made it incredibly difficult. As the night air got cooler, the three headed back below to eat a bit and get comfortable on one of the couches. Hiiro, surprisingly, was the most alert of the trio, so it was him who would let the other two know when it was almost time for one of them to go back up for their appearance. 

Kohaku went up again, this time with HiMERU. Again, Aira smiled at the chat’s reaction. He continued watching as Rei made an appearance by himself, followed not too long after by Eichi. Aira finally had his first turn by himself, giving the camera (what he hoped was) a cute wave before turning towards the fireworks. After what seemed like seconds, he saw one of the producers giving the signal from off to the side that his time was off, and he headed back below.

“I give up,” He told his boyfriends. “I don’t have to go back for three hours; I’m laying down.”

“Y’want one of us to go with you?” Kohaku asked. 

“Both of you have to go back up soon, so I’ll be okay.” Aira said. He leaned over to give them both a quick hug. 

“We’ll tell you if anything special happens,” Hiiro assured him. 

Aira set off back towards where the nap rooms were, setting his phone alarm as he walked. He quietly opened the door to the room he had been in before, only to see that all the beds were occupied. He tried the room next door, and saw that it was completely empty. It was also much larger than the first room, with four beds instead of two, each having a curtain that could be drawn around it for privacy. He chose the bed closest to the back and pulled the curtain shut, making his space almost pitch black. 

Before he could get fully settled, the door to the room opened and closed quietly. Aira could tell there were two people that entered, one of them seeming to throw themselves onto the bed closest to the door.

“Honestly,” Eichi’s voice chided. “How did you even do this?”

“A mystery!” Aira heard Wataru laugh. “That sounds much more believable than misjudging where the step was, yes? Or should I say it was something to do with running water?”

Aira tried to slide himself under the covers as softly as possible, but it wasn’t quiet enough to go unnoticed as the two ceased talking for a moment.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter what the answer is, if the end result to either is you being hurt,” Eichi continued, voice much lower. “Stay put and I’ll go get some ice.”

The door opened and shut again, and the room was silent once more. Almost a little too silent, Aira thought, as his own breathing seemed to be the only sound he could hear aside from the ambient noises from the ship and fireworks. He was almost tempted to pull back the curtain and check to see if Wataru was really still in the room before he heard what sounded like a phone vibrating and then finally the sound of fabric moving, as Wataru must have checked his phone. Eventually Eichi returned, and Aira tried his best to actually fall asleep. Even if he couldn’t fall asleep he could at least pretend. He felt he was very good at pretending to be asleep.

“Can you hand me a pillow…ah, it’s not bruised at least…” Eichi murmured. Aira heard Wataru inhale sharply. “I’ll let the staff know that we’ll have to have someone else take our timeslot.”

“Only one of us has injured themselves, unless I'm mistaken.” Wataru noted.

“They wanted us to go out there together.” Eichi told him. “Not that I mind doing it again, but it would be a little strange for me to show up twice by myself.”

“Then a simple solution would be to go with someone else, would it not?” The bed creaked as Wataru spoke, perhaps he was turning to face Eichi. “If these pairs are supposed to be “fanservice” then it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone to fit the bill, no?”

“Fufu, maybe I can ask Anzu-chan to pair me with Itsuki-kun just to see their reaction.”

“As amusing as that might be,” Another sound of movement, a small hiss of pain from Wataru. “I was thinking more along the lines of one of your roommates.”

“Were you?” A noise came from the bed next to Wataru’s; Aira imagined that Eichi had sat down. “Ah, but right before we were supposed to go on, Shiratori-kun and Amagi-kun are going to go on together, and Sakuma-kun’s already been in a pair, so neither of them would work.”

“Eichi.”

“Did I tell you that recently Shiratori-kun’s been acting a bit strange around me?” Eichi continued as if he didn’t hear Wataru. “He overworked himself during the anniversary lives, and I fear it’s taken more of a toll on him than he’s actually admitting to-“

“Eichi.”

A pause, and then a sigh. “It has to be you.” A much longer pause. “It’s always been for you, so…”

“Do you think you would hurt me?” Wataru interjected gently. “Rather, do you think you could?”

“That almost sounds like a challenge,” Eichi laughed for a moment before coughing. “But not one I’d like to attempt. Wataru, I …Wataru, I don’t know what that face is that you’re making right now.”

“Apologies, I was just struck with the realization that two of the smartest people I have the pleasure of knowing are still human enough that they can lose their rationality under the most basic of circumstances.” Wataru replied happily. 

“Wataru,” Eichi said with a huff, and then another cough. “This isn’t…I’m not exactly the best at talking about these kinds of things, but…I need to tell you something.”

“I know. And I, you.” The other man replied. 

Buried under the covers and still as a board, Aira’s eyes were wide. This was a love confession, right? They were about to confess to each other? The internet had always speculated that the two of them were an item, and from the few interactions he had personally seen between them, he could understand why. They seemed to fit together so easily, to compliment the other. 

“Let me go first,” Wataru continued. Eichi remained silent save for another muffled cough. “After everything that you and I have been through, after all the tragedies and victories, the tears and laughter, after giving my whole self to you, do you really not think that I don’t pay attention to where your eyes are drawn to?”

“You— Oh.“

“Let me also ask, after enduring hardship and alienation from everyone save for a close few, might it not also be just as easy to see where one of my oldest friend’s mind is fixed these days?” Wataru paused, perhaps for dramatic effect as he liked to do. “My dear, what you and I have is something that transcends common labels, that is more than what can be contained by our bodies. Even after you and I are gone from this world, that will never change. You or I taking a lover won’t change that.”

“Please don’t call it taking a lover, ” Eichi said, voice slightly muffled. 

Aira deflated slightly. This was…not a love confession?

Wataru laughed again. “I want my precious friends to be happy. After everything that happened, I feel we all settled into something that made us feel comfortable and safe. That’s all well and good, but after a while, the need to grow and explore oneself emerges. To stifle those urges would only cause pain. Do you understand?”

“I understand that apparently I don’t need to actually tell you anything,” Eichi said with a hint of frustration in his voice. Aira could envision him sitting on the bed, arms crossed. 

“Was that not easier than you struggling to find the words?” Asked Wataru. 

“I admit, it was,” Eichi chuckled. “Should I be keeping a closer eye on you, then? I thought I had been doing a good job, but clearly nowhere as well as you’ve been watching me.”

“No one will ever be able to see you like I do,” The other man said confidently. “But while we’re on the subject, I sup~pose you should know that I’ve begun seeing Natsume-kun in a more romantic way.”

“Sakasaki-kun? Really?” Eichi seemed genuinely surprised. “I’m happy for you, I really am. Maybe one day he and I can be in the same room together without him acting like he’s about to set my clothes on fire or turn my tea to ash.”

“I’ve taught him how to do both, and he’s quite good at it, so we shall see!” Wataru said. “Now that we’ve gotten our important talks out of the way, though, it wouldn’t do good to keep my absence as a last minute surprise for everyone. You should let them know that Rei is appearing in my place.”

“Wataru, I can’t.” Eichi said, his voice almost sounding like a whine.

“After the heartfelt talk we just had? Of course you can!” 

“ You did most of the talking.” Eichi pointed out.

“So I did,” Wataru hummed. “Ah, did I tell you, not too long ago, us five eccentrics gathered together to celebrate Shu’s return to the country, and I discovered that under pressure, Rei makes the most wonderful expressions; I got such pleasure from seeing how uncomfortable he got being interrogated by Shu and Kanata and Natsume-kun. You’re making quite the similar expression, you know, it’s amazing~”

“I never took you for such a sadist,” Eichi mumbled. 

“Should I ask him?”

“Please don’t,” Eichi said quickly, almost a little…panicked? “If fans see us together more, and especially like that…Mm, you know, it’s a little rude for you to just smile at me like that when I’m trying to tell you something like this.”

“I very rarely get to see such a raw side of you, it’s incredibly endearing. Go on.”

There was a pause that lasted so long Aira wasn’t sure if he would be able to stay awake to listen any longer, or maybe he had actually fallen asleep and the two had long left the room. Finally, Eichi admitted, “After everything Sakuma-kun and I have been through…all these years…Wataru, I think I’m scared.” 

Whatever Eichi was about to say afterwards was cut off as a coughing fit overtook him. Aira heard quick movement, the sound of both beds moving, the puff from Eichi’s inhaler. His fit eventually subsided moments later, though his breath was still a bit ragged.

“Wataru.” Eichi said, voice straining slightly. “Wasn’t that the ankle that you hurt?”

“Oho, was it?”

“Did you really fake getting hurt so I’d have to go out there with Sakuma-kun?” 

“Would I do something like that?” Wataru teased. “Ah, that’s another face I so rarely get to see you make, it reminds me of our dear Himegimi when he’s not getting his way.”

“I’m not going to let you look at my face if you’re going to keep being like this,” Eichi said, a flumph noise following his statement, probably a pillow landing on Wataru’s face.  “Come on, if you’re not really hurt, we shouldn’t cause too much noise in here. We’re lucky that person hasn’t woken up and yelled at us.”

“Of course, of course.” The beds creaked. “Didn’t you mention wanting to rest up before we had to be on?”

“I think the last ten minutes have caused my heart rate to go up enough that I couldn’t get to sleep if I tried,” Eichi said with a dry laugh. “I’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll pay for it later, but for now I want to enjoy as much of this as I can.”

“As you wish~” Wataru said. The door finally opened and closed again, two pairs of feet leaving, and Aira was once again alone. 

Yet again, Aira’s thoughts were racing because of Eichi, but this time in a much more positive way. It took all his willpower to not pull out his phone and start texting Kohaku and Hiiro what he had just overheard, but he decided to wait to actually think through what he had learned. He definitely wasn’t getting any rest now; his body was practically vibrating with excitement. 

“No way…” He found himself sleepily mumbling to himself, laughing and turning over in the bed. “No way no way no way…!!”

-

Aira must have drifted off at some point, as his alarm woke him up yet again. Unlike before, while he still felt groggy, it was covered by a mask of anticipation. He smiled to himself as he recalled the conversation he had overheard. 

He ran into Hiiro as he came out from the nap room, still looking just as awake as before. Once they weren’t on a ship full of people that could overhear them, he would definitely tell him and Kohaku. It was kind of killing him on the inside that he couldn’t say anything right then, but he didn’t want to risk it.

The two headed up onto the deck, Aira stumbling slightly in his sleep-deprived state. Hiiro smiled at him, that endearing smile that made Aira’s heart melt, and before he could even realize it, he was being pulled in front of the camera, hand still firmly in Hiiro’s. For a split second he panicked - the “idols aren’t supposed to-“ thoughts starting up in his head. But…Aira wanted to hold Hiiro’s hand. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if fans saw it. He knew other idols got away with much more in view of the public, but all he wanted was to hold his hand. 

Maybe, Aira thought as he stared out over the water, Eichi would see them holding hands and not feel as scared about being with Rei. 

After about a minute, the two were signaled to make their exit. Once they were out of the shot, Aira practically launched himself into Hiiro, a sleepy giggle muffled into the redhead’s shoulder as he hugged him tightly. Usually he would scold Hiiro for this sort of thing where anyone could see them, but he couldn’t help himself. Something as simple as holding Hiiro’s hand for no more than five seconds where anyone could see them just made him so incredibly happy . 

“You’re really tired, aren’t you?” Hiiro laughed, returning Aira’s embrace. “Let’s head back down.”

As Eichi and Wataru made their way towards the camera, Aira smiled at the two and waved, and then headed back below with Hiiro. The lounge area was mostly empty now; the only people remaining were Ritsu and a sleeping Mao on one sofa, and Rei on another, watching the livestream chat go by at an incredible speed. 

“You both did a good job today,” Rei greeted them softly. Aira sat next to Rei, Hiiro beside him. 

“You too,” Aira mumbled, sinking back at an awkward angle into the couch. “Hiro…you’re right, I’m so tired, ugh…”

“Do you want me to get you something to drink?” Hiiro asked. 

“Um, some water if you don’t mind,” Aira asked. Hiiro got up again and headed towards the vending machines. 

“Ah, you’ll hurt yourself laying like that, come here, that’s it,” Rei shifted so that he was closer to Aira and so that he could lean against the other man’s shoulder. 

“He looked comfortable to me,” Ritsu commented. From above them, the sounds of the fireworks were amplified tenfold. Aira forced his eyes to stay open long enough to watch Subaru zoom this way and that on the TV, his energy levels matching Hiiro’s. Aira kind of wished that he was up on the deck to watch the finale, but watching it on TV was just as good. 

“My friends, good work today!” Wataru approached the small group, followed by Eichi who looked just as tired as Aira felt. “Sit, sit, I’ll get you some tea. The sun is about to rise again on another amazing day! We’ll probably be heading back soon enough.” He led Eichi to sit on Rei’s other side before also making his exit.

“Hah,” Was all Eichi could manage before also leaning into Rei. 

“You’re trapped.” Ritsu said with a laugh. 

“Sorry, I’ll…get up…” Aira said, knowing very well he would not get up.

“No, no, this is fine,” Rei said with a small sigh of resignation. 

“Since Sakuma-kun…is awake at night…” Eichi started before yawning into his hand. “He should…take care of those of us who aren’t.”

“You know, the rising sun’s rays are near fatal for vampires,” Rei mused. 

“You’ll make it,” Eichi mumbled.

“See, even Ecchan believes in you,” Ritsu added. 

“I can’t carry both of you if you fall asleep.” Rei pointed out.

“He’s lying.” Ritsu hummed as he pulled Mao closer, the redhead not waking up in the slightest. 

Aira slowly entered a state somewhere between sleep and awake, not able to follow the brothers’ conversation any longer but aware that a conversation was happening. He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Hiiro came back, bottle of water in hand. He only managed to get a few small sips in before slipping into sleep again, leaning onto his boyfriend. He only woke up again for a few moments some time later, finding himself now in the back of one of the shuttles that they had taken to get to the location the previous day. Hiiro was still next to him, staring out the window and finally starting to look tired. Through bleary eyes, Aira could see that Rei and Eichi were in the seats next to them, both of them seeming to be asleep. Aira smiled to himself at the sight before closing his eyes again. 

Chapter Text

Eichi likes Rei.

Those three words in Aira’s head kept him awake after he woke up from his few hours of sleep. He was the first one to wake up in the dorm that morning, and he couldn’t help but look at his sleeping roommates with a smile. It was his job as their kouhai to look out for them too, right? If Eichi was afraid to tell Rei his true feelings, then he just needed a little help! 

…but then again, Aira wasn’t even supposed to know how he felt. This was now two big things he knew about Eichi that he wasn’t supposed to know, though this most recent secret was obviously much nicer to think about. He supposed the two events - what transpired during Rei and Eichi’s time at Yumenosaki, and Eichi admitting to liking Rei - were in some way connected. Of course after all of that, even after trying to move forward and ending up living together, Aira could understand why he would be scared. 

When Rei had been telling Aira his side of the events from the past, he had told him that at the end of their last year at Yumenosaki, after Trickstar had changed the course of things, the two tried to have somewhat normal interactions, with Rei occasionally joining Eichi for tea when the other members of the tea club couldn’t. Rei even mentioned fine and Undead going on a training camp in another country together (which even in his sick and sad state, Aira was a little upset that he never knew about this). Rei cited this as Eichi probably trying to make amends without actually saying as much, but then noted that when everyone was splitting off into different agencies and then eventually moving into the dorms together, things had become a bit tense between them again. Aira had asked if the two of them ever had seen each other as simply ”classmates” or ”friends” before everything had started, and Rei very quickly answered no, at least not from his perspective. 

As he stretched slowly, not yet wanting to get out of bed, Aira wondered when it was that Eichi realized his feelings for Rei. Was it only recently, or had it been like that for some time? Was it a slow realization, or was there something that happened one day that triggered a sudden “oh!” It was killing Aira not to be able to ask him, and he was actually debating on actually doing just that. Technically it wasn’t his fault that he happened to hear Wataru and Eichi’s conversation, and they were aware that there was someone else in the room, though they did think that person was sleeping. Aira didn’t think he actually had the nerve to tell him, though. He had no idea how Eichi would react if he did, if he would feel upset or even betrayed. 

(He also imagined, for a moment, telling Eichi that he had overheard them talking, only for Eichi to say he was never in the nap room at all and the conversation Aira heard was actually just Wataru and his voice mimicry.)

For now, Aira would keep his mouth shut, but he would definitely intervene if he thought it would help them. Surely that night at the festival he could find some opportunity to get the two of them to be alone together. Then again, Eichi and Rei already had plenty of moments alone together whenever Aira wasn’t in the dorm. He would have to find something to give Eichi the push to confess if he wouldn’t do it himself.

Of course, Aira didn’t know how Rei would feel about hearing something like that. Despite the hours that Rei spent talking about their shared past at Yumenosaki, Aira really couldn’t get a good read on Rei’s feelings towards Eichi. He knew that Rei didn’t hate him, and that he must like him enough for Rei to care for him when he was sick, but…that was really it. From what Wataru had told Eichi - about Rei’s mind being fixated somewhere and watching him feel uncomfortable about being asked about something - it really sounded like Rei must have been feeling similar to Eichi, but …What if Rei rejected his confession? 

Aira remembered when he was starting to see both Hiiro and Kohaku as more than friends, and the nights he would spend imagining scenarios of telling one or both of them that he liked them. When his imagination would slip to the more unfavorable outcomes, with them rejecting him with a “I thought we were just friends” or a “no way, I never liked you like that,” the hurt almost felt like he was really being told those things. He was so scared about what they would say that he decided he wouldn’t actually tell either of them, which seemed like the safest option to preserve their friendships. He also didn’t want to have to choose between them, as he liked them both so much. Of course, then Hiiro had made the first move with both of them, putting an end to the “what ifs” in Aira’s mind. He wished he could just tell Rei that if he liked Eichi, he should make the first move. 

 Maybe this was more complicated than he originally thought it would be. 

Or maybe it wasn’t complicated at all, and the two just didn’t know how to tell the other. It seemed like so long ago that Aira had decided that he shipped the two together based solely on a two minute long video clip. He wasn’t the only one, there was a good community of people online he had seen ship them together, drawing fanart and writing fanfiction and editing pictures of them together. When the three had moved in together, Aira couldn’t help himself from reading into the divider that hung between their beds, something so unnecessary that seemed to only add fuel to some of their arguments. He had to stop and tell himself that Rei and Eichi were no longer just idols he was watching from a distance, but his roommates and coworkers - real people right in front of him - and it might be a little weird if he kept thinking such fanboy-like thoughts about them. Had he been on the right track the whole time? He could feel his heart racing just thinking about it. 

Aira was going to try to do some thing. 

-

After spending a few hours playing on his phone and finishing up the last things he had to read for his summer homework, Aira had met with Kohaku and Hiiro before it was time to leave so that he could borrow a yukata from the former. After getting dressed, the three headed down to wait outside of the dorms for the rest of their group. They were joined by Mayoi and Tatsumi, then Rei, and finally Eichi. Kohaku had said that the rest of Crazy:B would meet them there, with HiMERU coming from a job and Rinne and Niki coming from the apartment they shared. As the festival was being held on the grounds of a temple that was only a few streets away from Ensemble Square, they had agreed on walking.

“Amagi-san and Shiina-san still live there?” Tatsumi asked as they turned a corner. 

“Nii-san says he likes having somewhere away from work to relax,” Hiiro explained. 

“I would think that Shinkai-senpai and Tomoe-senpai would be really relaxing to have as roommates, though?” Aira pondered.

“I can understand,” Mayoi said, voice a little lower than normal, most likely due to Rei and Eichi’s presence. “Having somewhere that’s just yours to go to when you’re needing to rest can be very reassuring.”

“It’s Niki-han’s apartment, though,” Kohaku pointed out. “Maybe Rinne-han wants somewhere private to relax, but it seems like he just wants another excuse to force Niki-han to do things for him and call him his wife and be gross.” 

“Fufu, is it so gross if they’re both enjoying themselves?” Eichi asked, amused at Kohaku’s tone.

“It is gross and Niki-han ain't enjoying himself.” Kohaku shot the older man a look.

Aside from Eichi’s comment, Aira couldn’t help but notice that both he and Rei were uncharacteristically quiet. While the rest of them chatted about this and that, the two of them didn’t even seem to be paying much attention to the conversation. That morning, Eichi had left not long after waking up to head to the StarPro office for a few hours, and Rei had stayed asleep until Aira was about to leave to get dressed. He hadn’t noticed them acting differently for the short time he had seen them earlier, and was a little concerned that he had missed something, or that they didn’t actually want to be there with them. 

The group arrived at the venue when the sun had mostly set, already packed with people and glowing with light. Close to the temple’s entrance, they found not only HiMERU waiting for them, but also Tsukasa as well as Hinata and Yuuta. 

“I didn’t know you were coming, Tenshouin-onii-sama,” Tsukasa straightened up. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You as well, Tsukasa-kun,” Eichi smiled at the younger boy.

“Bon.” Kohaku greeted him shortly. “Rinne-han invited you?”

“Yuuta-kun did,” Tsukasa replied, tone equally neutral. 

“Sakuma-senpai, Sakuma-senpai~” Hinata waved happily. “It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to hang out outside of work!”

“I take it my dear children are doing well?” Rei said, finally breaking his silence. Looking over at his face, Aira noticed that for the briefest moment, he looked more than a little tired. 

“Of course we are!” The older twin replied. “Hey, Yuta-kun, if we’re Sakuma-senpai’s children, that means he has to treat us while we’re here, riiight?”

“You’re being really loud, aniki,” Yuuta pointed out. “Buuut, I’m pretty sure those are the rules.”

“Is that so?” Rei laughed. 

“Yep!” Yuuta exclaimed. In an instant, both he and Hinata were on either side of Rei, dragging him further into the crowd.

“We’ll meet back up later!” Hinata called behind him.

“But-!“ Aira tried saying something but he had already lost sight of them in the throngs of people. 

“You know, onii-sama,” Tsukasa spoke up. “Usually at summer festivals, there’s a game you can play where you try to catch a fish with a thin paper net. Have you ever played?”

“I think I’ve seen it on TV before,” Eichi said. “Are you wanting to be spoiled, too?”

“N-no, that’s not-“

“I’m only joking,” Eichi laughed gently. “Shall we see if we can find it?”

With another promise to find them later, the two separated from the group. Aira let out a little sigh of frustration; how was he supposed to get Rei and Eichi alone together now? 

“Hey hey!” Rinne finally joined the group, Niki not far behind him. “We’re still waiting on people?”

“Yer late and they already went off to do stuff,” Kohaku scolded his unit leader. 

Finally, they all headed past the main entrance and started heading down the booth-lined path. Both Rinne and Hiiro seemed to be the most excited, pointing out different things they found interesting to their respective unit mates and to each other. It was definitely crowded, Mayoi had been right that this was a popular location. However, Aira couldn’t help but notice how Mayoi was clearly uncomfortable by the amount of people. 

“Mayoi-san,” Tatsumi said after a while. “Weren’t you telling me about the gardens that they have here?”

“A-ah yes,” Mayoi stuttered. “They’re supposed to be v-very nice…”

“I believe that’s the path to them right there; would you like to take a look with me?” The older man asked calmly. 

“Kyahaha, Tatsumi-chan’s gonna take Mayo-chan on a private date?” Rinne laughed at his own observation. 

“Yes, I am.” Tatsumi said simply, a serene smile on his face. Aira was actually shocked that Tatsumi of all people just admitted it so openly, and it seemed like Rinne and even HiMERU were a bit taken back by his bluntness.

“Shit,” Rinne giggled. “Well good for you, then!” 

Looping his arm around Mayoi’s waist, the pair headed towards the much less crowded gardens. Rinne laughed again, wrapping his arm around Niki in much the same way, with Niki pushing the redhead off of him. 

As they continued walking, it wasn’t long before something else caught Hiiro’s eye - a shooting game with a range of stuffed animals for prizes. 

“Nii-san, the big one looks like you!” Hiiro pointed at the top of the stuffed animal pile where a large red bear sat. 

“Oh yeah? Then that one in the middle is you!” Rinne pointed at a different red bear, still quite large but not as comically so as the one on top. “You wanna go? See who can get their bear first?” 

“I’ll definitely get mine first!” 

The brothers then split from the group, leaving the remaining four to watch as they paid the man to play. Aira felt another sigh escape his lips. 

“HiMERU believes these things are rigged.” HiMERU stated, observing the two try to hit their targets only to have the rubber bullets bounce back. 

“They’ll figure it out soon enough.” Niki shrugged. “I think all the food is over there, let’s check it out?” 

Aira looked to Kohaku, who was looking back at him with a bit of concern. “Y’go on ahead, we’ll catch up, ‘kay?” He told his unit mates. As Niki and HiMERU departed, Kohaku and Aira drifted off of the main path slightly. “What’s up, Love-han? Y’keep seeming more and more down.”

“Hmm.” Aira sighed and leaned against a thick tree. “I thought we’d all be in a big group, or…at least the three of us would be together.”

“I know,” Kohaku said, coming to stand close by. “I kinda liked the idea of just the three of us, or even us with yer two unit mates, having a nice date here. But…a few days ago, when Rinne-han saw what ya texted me, he got real excited about it since he an’ Hiiro never got to do this kinda stuff.”

“He didn’t want to just crash our date?” Aira asked, only half sarcastically. 

“He’d deny it over an’ over if ya asked him, but there’s a lot that Rinne-han wants to do with Hiiro.” Kohaku continued. “I think he invited as many people as he did just to make it as fun as possible and to share the memory with them. So at least to me, it's not so bad like this.” 

“Mm, I didn’t think about it like that,” Aira said. “I guess I’m just complaining about nothing. We can meet up with them later, and we’re all still here together.” 

“And at least Mayoi-han and Tatsumi-han got to have their date,” Kohaku added. 

“Do you want to go find your, um, cousin?” Aira asked, hoping he was remembering their family connection correctly. It was something Kohaku never really talked about. “Since you don’t spend time together?”

“Nah.” The other boy shrugged. “Our relationship’s a little better than it was before but…we’ll have time later. Besides, he seemed real please to be hangin’ out with his “onii-sama.””

“Oh!” Aira suddenly remembered; had been so distracted thinking about how he would get Rei and Eichi together that he completely forgot: “I need to tell you something!” 

“Y’look happy so it must be good,” Kohaku smiled. 

With as much of a hushed tone that he could manage with such a large crowd around them, Aira leaned in, “Tenshouin-senpai likes Sakuma-senpai!”

“Really? Like, actually?” Kohaku didn’t seem as excited as Aira thought he would be, face scrunched up in confusion. “How do y’know?”

“Last night I overheard him talking with Hibiki-senpai-“

“I thought everyone thought they were dating?” Kohaku asked. 

“I guess not?” Aira shrugged. “Hibiki-senpai said he knew that Tenshouin-senpai liked Sakuma-senpai, but he said that he was scared after so long.”

“Scared of what?” Kohaku raised an eyebrow.

“Of telling Sakuma-senpai how he feels!” Aira said, practically bouncing up and down. As he told Kohaku, a thought occurred to him…That wasn't exactly what Eichi said, was it? Aira thought back to the previous night; surely what he said was close enough to how Eichi had phrased it. “So I was trying to think of some way to get the two of them alone, like maybe during the fireworks or something romantic, but they seemed really quiet tonight and then Suou-senpai and the twins dragged them apart so that’s also why I was feeling down,” Aira rambled on. “But now you and me can try to think of how we can get them alone so they can talk about how they feel!”

“Y’know, Love-han…” Kohaku straightened up a little, eyes momentarily darting somewhere past him. “Madara-han’s told me about…some things that Tenshouin did in the past and…it sounds like he and Rei-han haven’t exactly had the best relationship there.”

“I know,” Aira said simply. So far he hadn’t told anyone what he had learned from Wataru and Tsumugi and Rei, and he didn’t know how much of it Kohaku had been told. 

“And…y’know, he’s not exactly the most honest guy, to put it nicely.” 

“But he and Hibiki-senpai are like best friends, he wouldn’t lie to him!” Aira insisted. He knew that Kohaku wasn’t exactly Eichi’s biggest fan, but he wasn’t sure why he seemed to be so negative about this.

“Maybe not, but…” Kohaku paused for a moment, thinking of what he was trying to say. “Ya used to tell me that ya shipped them together, and I don’t want ya to turn something that ya think ya overheard into somethin’ bigger than it actually is and get upset over it if it doesn’t turn out to be true.”

“Do you think I’m making it up?” Aira felt his face getting heated. He thought that of all people, Kohaku would understand why he was excited. “Just because I want to see them together?”

“That’s not what I’m sayin’,” Kohaku said, crossing his arms. “But I don’t want ya to see somethin’ that isn’t really there and-“

“I know what I heard!” Aira insisted. “Just because Mikejima-senpai told you some things about them doesn’t mean you know everything about it!” 

“Do you?” Kohaku asked. “Just ‘cause yer roommates doesn’t mean they tell you everything.” 

“Why are you being so weird about this?” Aira huffed, hearing himself getting louder but not able to stop himself. “Maybe they don’t tell me everything but I know way more about them than you do!”

“So if y’know “way more” about them than I do, then y’know that maybe the two of them wouldn’t be good together,” The other boy said. “Don’t ya talk about how they fight all the time anyways? Unless Rei-han said somethin’ too, I wouldn’t put too much stock in anythin’ ya just overheard from someone like Tenshouin!”

“But he’s-“ Aira took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and failing miserably. “You only don’t like Tenshouin-senpai because of whatever Mikejima-senpai told you-“

“An’ he told me a lot of bad things,” Kohaku said. He too seemed to take a moment to try and dispel his mood, uncrossing his arms and leaning a shoulder against the tree where Aira had been. “Love-han, I know that you look up to both of them a lot and y’have fun with them, but just because ya admire them and ship them together, I don’t want y’to get hurt by insertin’ yerself into their-“ He waved a hand “-whatever.”

Aira couldn't think of anything to say and that frustrated him to no end. He felt like Kohaku wasn’t listening to him at all and treating him like he was a child. He tried - really really tried - to think rationally and understand that one of his boyfriends was just trying to stop him from getting too worked up over something that really didn’t have anything to do with him. It made him a little upset that he had some preconceived notion of Eichi that seemed to be based on someone else’s feelings, but if someone had told Aira all of the things he now knew about Eichi before they had met and eventually began living together, Aira too might feel a similar way. 

He tried to think rationally. 

Rational thought was hard when he was already upset. 

“If you’re just going to listen to Mikejima-senpai, then it doesn’t even matter what I say,” Aira muttered, staring at the ground. He didn’t mean it, and he knew Kohaku didn’t think like that, but he was hurting and couldn’t stop his mouth from running. “You don’t even tell me what you and him do as Double Face when you have to go out late at night. Whatever.” That was completely irrelevant? Why was he still talking? It was like he was hearing himself from outside his body. “I’m going to find Mayo-san and Tattsun-senpai. I’ll find you later.” 

Still looking downward, Aira hurried away from Kohaku before he could say anything else. Already he regretted what he had just said, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop walking and turn around. Every step he took away from Kohaku, Aira felt more and more like he messed things up over something so small.

It wasn’t until he apologized for accidentally bumping into someone that he looked up at his surroundings. He hadn’t gone back the way they had come from towards the gardens, but instead he seemed to have gone slightly off the main path, higher up the hill that the temple’s grounds were on, and found himself in a more isolated area surrounded by trees. There were still people here and there, a few benches scattered around for visitors to look at the view down the hill. It was much more dim, the moon being the main source of light. It was a really pretty sight and Aira wished he and Kohaku had just continued walking so they would have ended up there together. 

Even seeing Rei and Eichi sitting alone together didn’t cheer him up. 

Taking that as his cue to leave, Aira finally turned himself around and planned to try and find somewhere else he could sit and mope for a bit without feeling like a bunch of people were staring at him do so. Before he could get any further, his roommates spotted him and called out to him. He didn’t entirely want to be with anyone at the moment, but he didn’t really want to be alone either, so he headed over to them.

“Are you by yourself?” Eichi asked. “What’s wrong?” 

“…Me and Kohakkuchi had a fight.” Aira mumbled, sitting on the other side of Eichi. “I just kept talking and making it worse.”

“What were you fighting about?” Rei asked.

Aira looked over at both of them. If it was just Rei there, he could say it was about something from his and Eichi’s past. If it was just Eichi there, he could have admitted that he overheard him the night before. But it was both of them, so, “Something that doesn’t actually have anything to do with either of us. I was just being stupid.” He swiped away a tear that was threatening to fall; the two of them had seen him cry more than enough. “I don’t want to talk about it. What are you guys doing up here?”

“Resting,” Rei admitted with a weary laugh. “Those two have a never ending supply of energy that an old man like myself could never match.”

“Likewise, Tsukasa-kun is a good boy, but,” Eichi let out a similarly tired noise, “He was so excited to see everything and unfortunately I couldn’t keep up, especially after only getting a few hours of sleep. Luckily I ran into Sakuma-kun who helped me up here.”

“Hmm,” Aira nodded. If he hadn’t just had a fight about the two, he would feel more excited about them together and hearing that Rei had assisted him. 

“Shiratori-kun, I’m not trying to talk down to you for being younger, but,” Rei turned on the bench so he was facing sideways, facing Eichi and Aira, “At your age, getting into fights over things that don’t really matter just happens. I’m not saying you can’t be upset over it, but I don’t want you to think it’s the end of the world. You’ll make up in no time.”

Like a lot of advice that Rei gave him, it did feel slightly reassuring to hear him say that, though the part of him that was upset was tempted to retort “you don’t know that!” Instead, he sighed, “I don’t know why I just kept talking. I feel really bad about it.”

“I understand what that’s like,” Rei sighed. “I’ve definitely had my fair share of arguments where I wanted to make the other person feel as hurt as I did in the moment.”

“I didn’t want to hurt him, but…” Aira crossed his arms tightly. “I don’t know. Maybe I did. He was just shooting down everything I was saying.”

“Oukawa-kun no doubt felt the same way you did; like you weren’t listening to what he was saying.”

“But I was!” Aira exclaimed. He did listen to Kohaku and didn’t like what he was saying, but…he knew that it was coming from a place of concern, and he supposed he didn’t really take a moment to try and work towards a compromise of both of their feelings. “But…I guess I was just getting really angry. Once we both started getting mad I felt like I couldn’t just step back or take a moment to think about things.” 

“Those are options that are always available to you, and it’s just part of growing up to realize that sometimes the most productive thing is to take a step back from your problems until you're in a better mindset.” Rei continued. “But for now, it has already been said and done. To be blunt about it, you can either sit here with us and listen to two old men complain about how tired they are, or you can go back and admit that both of you were getting caught up in the heat of the moment.”

Aira knew that what Rei was saying was right. They had both just been getting mad because they thought they were right. “I’m scared that he won’t forgive me. Or that he’ll still be mad.” He said quietly. 

“He might be upset for a while, yes.” Rei said. “You may not have meant the things you said to be as hurtful as they were, but you did say them. I doubt that he would say he doesn’t forgive you, though, even if it isn’t immediate.”

Aira frowned, briefly imagining himself apologizing as sincerely as possible only for Kohaku to say he hated him. He really didn’t know what he would do then; would Hiiro start to hate him too? He started fidgeting with the sleeves of his yukata as he continued thinking of what Kohaku might say. 

He briefly glanced over at Eichi, who had been quiet the entire time, oddly not offering any sort of comfort or encouragement or even making a comment about not including him in Rei’s “old men” comment. Slightly bent forward, hair obscuring a good bit of his face, he did look exhausted, which worried Aira a bit. However, from what Aira could see of his face, his expression looked less worn out and instead seemed to match how Aira felt at the moment. 

Rei sighed, almost as if he was resigning himself to something. “Shiratori-kun, if you…” he paused mid sentence, as if he was struggling to find the right words. Aira had never heard Rei not know what to say and it was frankly a bit strange. “…If you keep being afraid of how Oukawa-kun might react to your attempt to apologize and move on, and you let more and more time pass, eventually he might think that you don’t care about what happened or that you really meant those things you said to him.”

“I didn’t mean them…” Aira sniffled. 

“Right now, I bet Oukawa-kun is feeling a bit scared of confronting how he’s feeling as well.” Rei said. “If one of you doesn’t make the first move past this, then you’ll just be stuck in limbo and scared forever, and I know you don’t want that.”

“Yeah…I don’t…” Aira nodded slowly, wiping his face again. “I’ll…go find him. But…even if I apologize right now, I’ll still feel like I ruined the whole night.”

Next to him, Eichi shifted slightly where he sat, coughing into his hand. “Shiratori-kun invited Oukawa-kun…and Amagi-kun on a date here because you wanted to spend the night together.” He said, voice a bit quiet and strained. “Maybe it hasn’t gone exactly how you planned…with a fight, and our friends splitting us up…but it would be a shame to not try to enjoy the rest of your date because of it.”

“You don’t have to forget all the bad things that happened to agree to move past them.” Rei added. “You just have to…commit to doing it.”

“Yeah.” Aira said. “I’m sorry I bothered the both of you while you were trying to rest.” 

“It’s not a bother,” Eichi said, finally looking up at Aira and giving him a weak smile. “You’re never a bother.”

“Thank you. For everything, like always.” Aira stood up and faced the two. “You guys have always helped me out whenever anything happens. If there’s anything I can ever do to repay you, let me know, okay?”

“It’s just our duty as your senpai,” Rei said, looking slightly less tired than he had before. “Your happiness is repayment enough.” 

He said goodbye to his roommates and started heading back down the hill, back into the sea of lanterns and festival goers. He pulled his phone out from an inner pocket, planning to text Kohaku but seeing that the other boy already had. Kohaku’s tone was usually a bit hard to read over text, but it was incredibly obvious that he felt just as bad as Aira and wanted to apologize. Aira quickly responded that he was heading towards the entrance to the gardens and wanted to apologize as well. 

As he made his way back, Aira almost had to laugh at the irony that he didn’t have to try at all to get Rei and Eichi alone together. Of course, with them both being tired and then Aira unloading his problems onto them, he was quite certain that Eichi wouldn’t be up to telling Rei how he was feeling that night. He had been intending to do something to show Eichi that he didn’t have to be scared, but instead ended up talking about how scared he had been to apologize for his and Kohaku’s pointless argument. But it was just one night. There were always more opportunities for Aira to help the two.

-

As soon as Aira spotted Kohaku waiting for him, he started running to meet him. The two hugged tightly and both began apologizing at the same time, the awkwardness of it dispelling any lingering feelings of fear or anger. Much like he had done the night before with Hiiro, Aira found himself holding Kohaku’s hand a bit longer, not even thinking about who might be watching them.

“Love-han, y’know, what y’said about what I do as Double Face…” Kohaku started as they slowly walked side by side.

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready,” Aira said honestly. “But whatever it is, I won’t be mad, okay?”

“Okay.” Kohaku smiled. 

They eventually rejoined with Tsukasa, Niki, and HiMERU, and after a while they found Mayoi and Tatsumi. Hinata and Yuuta joined the group as they began to head up the hill to find a good place to watch the fireworks, and finally Rinne and Hiiro showed up as they were settling onto the grass. 

“Neither of you could win anything?” Niki observed. 

“We won a lot!” Hiiro said. “But a bunch of kids were watching us and cheering for us, so we ended up playing to get them what they wanted.”

“Sorry if you were expecting a present or anything,” Rinne smirked at Niki. “I still have about five or six of those stuffed isopods Kanacchi gave me if you need something to hold at night when I’m not there.”

“Yer bein’ gross.” Kohaku rolled his eyes.  

“It seems like we’re missing Eichi-san and Rei-san,” Tatsumi mentioned. 

“Sakuma-senpai said he would meet us up here,” Yuuta said, looking to see if he could spot the two anywhere.

“Tenshouin-onii-sama told me the same thing,” Tsukasa said. “He said he was going to go ahead and come here so he could rest.”

“I saw both of them here just a bit ago,” Aira told them. There was another group of people sitting on the bench that the pair had been moments ago, and he hadn’t seen them at all since he had gone to find Kohaku. 

The fireworks began being shot off, colors blooming in the sky one after the other. Whereas the fireworks from the night before had been set off from quite a distance away from the cruise ship, the fireworks then seemed close enough that they overtook the entire sky. Sitting between Hiiro and Kohaku, he squeezed both of their hands as he stared upwards. 

“Hey, Ai-chan,” Rinne’s voice was suddenly right next to his ear, startling Aira more than the loud bang of the fireworks did. “Thanks for letting me borrow my little bro tonight.”

“Oh? Yeah, of course,” Aira smiled at the redhead before returning to watch the show.

Somewhere in the middle of watching the sky, Madara himself joined the group, claiming that if there was a festival he would be there, especially one where his friends were at. After the sky went dark again, the group stayed sitting on the ground for a while longer, talking about nothing in particular. 

The twins were the first to depart, followed by Mayoi, Tatsumi, and HiMERU. Madara hopped up not long after, saying he was going to go back to look around some. Aira suggested that Kohaku go spend some time with him, and much to his surprise, Kohaku invited Tsukasa to join them. Rinne and Niki finally stood up as well, with Niki wanting to visit a few more of the food vendors before the end of the night. Aira was starting to feel tired, but he went along with the two and Hiiro back down the hill. 

“Do you want to start heading home?” Hiiro asked quietly, noticing how slowly Aira was trailing behind. 

“I think so,” Aira said. The two separated from Rinne and Niki and began making the trek back to the dorms. 

Aira was sleepy, but happy. The night hadn’t gone exactly how he wanted, but it ended on a high note. It wasn’t until the dorms were in their sight that he noticed that Hiiro was now being more quiet than normal, holding his hand just a bit tighter than he usually did.

“Are you okay?” Aira asked him. “Did you have fun?”

“Umu, I did,” Hiiro smiled at him. “Next time, though, I think I want it to be just me, Kohaku, and you.”

“Me, too,” Aira returned his smile. 

Hiiro went silent for a moment more. Finally, as they passed the dorm’s entrance gate, he stopped walking abruptly.

“Nii-san and I got to really catch up a lot tonight.” He said. “A lot of times, the things he says just sound like noise, but when it matters, the things he says really resonate with me.”

Aira nodded, sensing that there was something Hiiro wasn’t saying.

“This is something I want to talk about with Kohaku, too, so whenever I see him next I’m going to tell him, too,” Hiiro continued, facing Aira. “But one day soon, I want the three of us to move in somewhere together.”

“You—what?!” Aira practically yelped.

“I know it won’t be for a while,” Hiiro said, grasping Aira’s hands firmly. “But I want that day to come where we can live together. Aira - I love you! I love you, and I love Kohaku, and I want us to keep being happy together!”

“You-you love —“ Aira couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. 

“Is that okay to say?” Hiiro asked him, slightly concerned at the blonde’s unresponsiveness. 

“I’m, um, trying not to scream. Like, in a good way.” Aira admitted. His brain finally caught up with what Hiiro had said and he was aware that he probably had the stupidest grin on his face, but he really couldn’t care. Hiiro laughed at his response and hugged him tightly. “I love you too, Hiro. I love the both of you so much.” Aira said into his shoulder. 

The two spent a bit longer outside in each other's arms before eventually heading inside. Hiiro walked Aira to his door again, making a plan to meet with Kohaku after school the next day and leaving back towards the elevator with a kiss.

Entering the room quietly, he saw that his roommates had already returned, with Eichi already asleep, breathing slightly unevenly. Rei was sitting on the edge of his own bed, seeming to have just gotten out of the shower. He immediately gave Aira a look; eyebrow raised slightly. “You look pleased.”

“Yeah.” Aira sat on his bed, slightly in a daze. “Me and Kohaku made up and he’s hanging out with his cousin and that’s good and Hiro told me he loves me and I’m going to die.”

Rei laughed quietly, tucking a bit of his wet hair behind his ear. “Surely Amagi-kun’s love isn’t so strong that it would kill you?”

“I feel like my whole body is buzzing,” Aira said, still smiling so wide it almost hurt. 

“Like at the end of a live?” Rei asked.

“Better,” Aira flopped back onto his pillows. “Senpai, I’m so happy right now, I’m going to diiie…”

“I’m incredibly happy for you,” Rei smiled. 

“I want you to feel like I do, too,” Aira said with a giggle. “If me being happy is repayment for you always helping me, you have to be happy too, okay?”

“Alright, Shiratori-kun,” Rei was clearly amused by Aira’s enthusiasm but he didn’t mind. He really did feel like he was floating, like all of those cliches he had heard on TV about being in love. He loved them. He loved them. He had never felt happier. 

Chapter Text

Since school had started again, Aira couldn’t stay up as late and as often as he would prefer. Between practicing with Alkaloid and staying somewhat on top of homework, he found himself not only going to bed earlier, but falling incredibly behind with social media. There had been multiple mornings where he had woken up only to see he missed a big announcement or reveal the day prior because he hadn’t had the time to scroll through anywhere online. He felt incredibly out of the loop and he hated it. 

Which was how he woke up feeling one morning when he checked his phone to see his twitter feed completely freaking out over “the Knights picture.”

Before even knowing what this picture was, Aira got a sinking feeling in his stomach. If it were just some new promo image or something like a silly candid shot, there wouldn’t be this much activity about it. He quickly searched through the “Knights” hashtag, not seeing anything from their official account. The current top tweet was one from only a few hours ago, with a picture that had been removed due to copyright infringement, boasting tens of thousands of retweets. It didn’t take much longer to find someone who reposted the deleted image…and it was bad. 

The picture seemed to be taken from a distance, sometime at night. Aira recognized the location as the back entrance of Ensemble Square’s live venue, somewhere that he knew was off limits to the public. The picture showed only the five main members of Knights, none of their newer members in sight. They seemed to be leaving for the night, probably after the live Aira remembered them having about a week or so ago when Leo and Izumi returned to the country. Arashi was closest to wherever the camera was, looking back at her unit mates, mouth slightly open mid-laugh. Following behind her was Tsukasa and Ritsu, with Ritsu practically draped over Tsukasa, the younger looking more than a little annoyed. Furthest back, closer to the door of the theater, Izumi and Leo could be seen, very clearly sharing a kiss. Izumi held Leo’s jaw gently; Leo seemed to be smiling widely under Izumi’s lips, his hands on the other’s chest, gripping his shirt.

Aira’s first reaction to the picture was to freak out, because they were kissing and they were cute together and he always wondered if they were a couple. His second reaction was the sobering reality that because they were idols, this was really bad. Aira scrolled on the replies of the original tweet, the uncomfortable feeling inside of him growing stronger. A lot of the replies weren’t that rude; people saying they knew they had to be together, shocked emojis, or people calling them cute. There were some replies that seemed to be mourning that their Knights ship wasn’t real, or commenting on Ritsu being so close to Tsukasa. A lot of the replies however…

“I didn’t know Knights was like that.” “Lol I guess they don’t really care about their princesses or whatever” “Ew??” “This is why I never stanned Knights, Trickstar would never do this to me” “What happened to idols being pure?? Is this what idols are like nowadays??”

Aira wanted so badly to jump to their defense, to join the other people who were saying “Who cares? Let them be happy?” but he knew that he couldn’t, not yet anyways. No one from Knights had tweeted anything since the picture was posted, nor had any other idol come to defend them. He didn’t want to potentially make anything worse by saying something he wasn’t allowed to. He had already gotten warned a couple times in the past because he liked a couple tweets theorizing which idols were dating.

He checked the account of the person who had posted the picture. It had only been made a day ago, but naturally had a large number of followers. 

“www I got a copyright claim from NewDi,” was the tweet that was made an hour or so after the picture was posted. “Guess idols really are just products owned by big companies wwwww.”

About thirty minutes after that, the account had tweeted, “It’s ok, I got more pics. I’m gonna blow your gross wota minds when you see that idols are real people and not just your perfect fantasy bait or w/e.”

And then fifteen minutes after, the most recent tweet on the account: “I’m not tryin to blackmail anyone but the whole idol culture purity bullshit is disgusting. It’s really funny that some of them act one way in public and then completely different when they think no one is paying attention.”

Aira’s heart was beating out of his chest. Who else did they have pictures of? How did they get close enough to get them? Did they have pictures of him? 

He spent a bit more time scrolling through the replies before he had to get up and get ready for school. He noticed Eichi had already left and wondered if he had to go in early to deal with what was happening. Knights was under New Dimension, but the issue was no doubt casting a bad light on everyone in Ensemble Square. Aira had to wonder what could even be done to make things better. Either the main Knights account or NewDi’s would probably issue some sort of an apology, and Leo and Izumi would probably have to issue a statement as well, which was…unfair. Why did it have to be such a taboo thing for idols to want to be happy, too? Aira was an idol fan, but if his favorite idols came out and said they were dating, he wouldn’t be upset or disappointed; even before he himself became an idol he wouldn’t have felt that way. Why were idols different from models or actors or anyone else in that regard?

As he left the dorm, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was a text from Eichi, to not only himself but to Hiiro, asking for them to come by his office once they were done with school for the day. Aira immediately panicked; he knew it had to do with the pictures that the account threatened to have. Perhaps they had sent them to the four agencies, trying to get them in trouble or asking for money. Maybe they really did have a picture of him and one or both of his boyfriends. As he met Hiiro in the lobby and they headed out, he explained what had happened to the redhead. He listened quietly, fully understanding the gravity of the situation. The two agreed to skip their club activities for the day so they could head straight to Eichi’s office right after class. Aira was tempted to completely turn his phone off so he wouldn’t keep checking to see if another picture had been posted. He knew it was going to be a struggle to make it through until the end of the day.

-

During lunch, Aira found himself walking towards the studio that had become Knights’s personal room. He was legitimately concerned for them, and wasn’t surprised that the room’s two occupants, Arashi and Tsukasa, looked incredibly tired. 

He asked if there was anything he could do and they both kindly declined. Aira asked how Izumi and Leo were doing, prompting the two to exchange a look. Arashi explained that while Leo was doing as well as he could (though she suspected he was only putting up a front), Izumi was incredibly upset. She went on to say that this wasn’t the first time something Izumi had done had caused problems for Knights and he was beating himself up over doing it again. 

Tsukasa said he was struggling with what to say that afternoon when they had to meet with NewDi. As Knights’s leader, he had to be the one to issue an actual statement to the public, but…

“To be completely truthful, I think this is all ridiculous .” Tsukasa said bluntly. 

Arashi sighed as she looked through her phone; Leo had been texting her updates on Izumi. Leo told her he had been saying incredibly drastic things, feeling like he’d “finally done something that would end Knights” and stating that if it would make things better for everyone, he would quit being an idol.

“I can survive with my modelling and Leo as a composer,” Arashi read Leo’s most recent update on Izumi, “but what about the rest of them? I can’t live with myself if I’ve ruined all of their careers over this.”

Arashi tried to break the tension by jokingly admonishing Izumi for not saying that she could also survive on just her modelling, but Tsukasa frowned and told her to be serious about the situation. He sighed, and put his head in his hands. 

“It was just a kiss after a live,” He mumbled into his hands. “Five seconds earlier or later, and that picture would have been completely different.”

Aira asked again before he left if there was anything he could do, especially for Izumi. Arashi smiled gently and said that because he was with both Leo and Ritsu, he would be fine, and that Knights would survive as it always had. Aira also told them about his meeting with Eichi later that day, and that he was afraid that there was a picture of him as well. 

“I know it’s wishful thinking,” Arashi commented, “But what if that person kept releasing pictures and eventually our fans just had to accept that idols fall in love just like anyone else?”

“That is wishful thinking.” Tsukasa sighed, still hunched over the table in thought. 

Aira got more and more antsy as school went on. None of the teachers were addressing it, despite practically all of the students knowing what was going on. Theories and rumors were being passed from one person to the next - was it another idol? Was it someone who hated idols? Did they actually have other pictures? 

After what seemed like an eternity, he was heading up in the elevator at ES, Hiiro by his side. Aira was slightly relieved to see that Eichi didn’t look angry when he saw the two of them enter his office, just stressed. 

“Thank you for coming so quickly,” He said, motioning for the two of them to sit in the big chairs in front of his desk. “Since this is important, I didn’t feel that it would be appropriate to discuss over text.” 

“Does that person on Twitter have a picture of us?” Aira couldn’t stop himself from asking. 

“Not that we know of.” Eichi told them. Aira felt his stomach unknot slightly. “Whoever this person is, they’ve only attempted to contact NewDi once, and it seemed like it was no more than sending a childish taunt.”

“So they could have more pictures,” Hiiro said. 

“They might, or they may not, but that’s not why I wanted to talk to you two.” Eichi continued. “If Saegusa-kun hasn’t already, I’m sure he’ll have a similar conversation with Oukawa-kun. Shiratori-kun, Amagi-kun, because of these circumstances, you need to be exercising the utmost caution with how you conduct yourselves when you think no one is watching.”

Aira shifted in his seat slightly, remembering several instances within the last week alone when he had a feeling in the back of his mind of “what if someone sees?” but he had ignored those thoughts in favor of an embrace lasting longer than it should or parting from one of his boyfriends with a kiss. He was the one who had always gotten onto Hiiro for showing too much affection in public, but he knew lately he had been just as bad about it. 

“I know you both are aware of proper behavior when you’re in the public eye, but that does include places like Yumenosaki and inside of this building.” Eichi added, as if he knew those were pretty much the only places where Aira felt safe showing more affection. 

“Do you think it’s someone who works at ES?” Hiiro asked. “Or another idol?” 

“I can’t say for sure yet, but Saegusa-kun, Aoba-kun, and myself have been looking into it since this mor-“ Eichi was cut off by the door to his office swinging open and Leo himself walking right up to Eichi’s desk. 

“Did you find him yet?” He exclaimed angrily. 

“Tsukinaga-kun, I thought you were still with Aoba-kun,” Eichi said, not seeming too irritated by Leo’s sudden entrance. “We’re still in the middle of researching-“

Leo cut Eichi off again, this time with a frustrated growling sort of noise. “That’s not good enough!” He said, starting to pace the small space between the desk and the door. “Sena is tearing himself apart and Suo is being pressured to say something he doesn’t want to! What’s all of your money good for if you can’t fix this?!”

“I’m not exactly sure what more you’re wanting to happen here,” Eichi said, eyes following Leo’s movements. “NewDi got the picture taken down. We’re looking for the person responsible. If they are an employee here, then they’ve violated their NDA and we can absolutely prosecute that. If they’re not, then our options are much more limited.”

“But Sena and Suo are upset now.” Leo stopped his pacing to face Eichi. “Suo doesn’t want to have to say he “doesn’t condone our actions” or whatever, but he said people online are wanting a statement. Didn’t you used to be meaner about this sort of thing? You can be mean again this one time! Don’t you care about our happiness?”

“Of course I do,” Eichi said. Aira could tell that the unit leader was starting to get a bit annoyed from Leo’s persistence. “But you and Sena-kun both know that as idols you have to be more careful about that sort of thing, and you weren’t.”

“But that’s dumb, right? You think so, too!” Leo resumed his pacing, fingertips tapping against each other. 

A knock came at the door, Ibara briskly walking in. “Your Eminence, I’ve found the person responsible!” He said with a smile. “It was one of the people hired in that group last month, just as I suspected!”

“Good!” Leo exclaimed. “Go get him!”

“Again, I’m not sure what else you’re expecting can be done-“ Eichi started, before yet again being interrupted, this time by Hiyori casually strolling in. 

“Oh, this is where you went to?” Hiyori asked Ibara. “It’s very rude to just leave while I’m in the middle of talking, you know!” 

Aira glanced over at Hiiro; wondering if the two of them should leave since the two of them had been seemingly forgotten in all of the commotion.

“It can wait, Tenshi’s about to bestow divine punishment on this guy!” Leo pointed at Hiyori, as if trying to stop him from walking forward. 

“You all are making such a huge fuss over this, you know.” Hiyori commented, coming forward to sit himself on the side of Eichi’s desk. “Everyone’s so stressed, this is such bad weather.”

“Your Highness, your sudden interest in ES’s problems is greatly appreciated,” Ibara started, “However, I believe that His Eminence and myself may have this covered.”

“You don’t, though?” Hiyori glanced between the members of the room from where he sat, swinging his legs as if they were talking about something unimportant. “You keep going on about “making statements” and  “cross referencing” and it’s all so dull, right? Ibara-kun’s always been like this, but the old Eichi-kun was much more ruthless about this sort of thing.”

“That’s what I was saying!” Leo agreed. 

“Knights isn’t even in our agency,” Eichi pointed out. “So I’ll repeat myself again and ask what exactly you’re expecting from me, aside from what I’ve already said I can do.” Finally he turned his attention back to Aira and Hiiro, “Please take care to remember what I’ve asked of you. We can talk about this further if you wish.” 

Eichi was very clearly asking the two to leave (or perhaps giving them an escape), but Hiyori interjected again before Aira could even start to stand up. “But Aira-kun and Hiiro-kun think this is all blown out of proportion, too, right? They kissed, big deal, right?”

Aira wasn’t sure if answering Hiyori was the smartest thing to do in that situation, or if he should have just taken his leave with Hiiro, but… “I don’t think it’s fair that they can’t be seen together like anyone else could just because they’re idols.”

“Yep, yep, Aira-kun’s got the right idea,” Hiyori chirped happily. “This whole “idols can’t date” rule is so archaic.” 

“That may be, but that’s where we are right now,” Eichi said. “Saegusa-kun, if you could please continue to tell me what you’ve found-“

“Did you even read the comments on that picture?” Hiyori asked, not seeming to notice that both Eichi and Ibara had stopped paying him attention and were looking at something on Ibara’s tablet. “So many of Knights’s fans were being supportive and kind, right? The age of idols being flawless, dateless beings is so old-fashioned!”

“Suo told me,” Leo spoke up. “He said no matter what he did, he’d be upsetting some of our fans and he didn’t want that.” 

“Aira’s explained it to me…” Hiiro started. “But I’ve never really understood why idols have to be seen like that to the public. Especially when there are idols like my brother that show off how imperfect they are.”

Aira did remember several instances of trying to explain to Hiiro the whole “purity” image that most idols strived for. It was…kind of hard to explain something he didn’t fully believe in. He could understand seeing your favorite idol as perfect, and maybe seeing them suddenly date someone might be a little strange if you had a crush on them yourself, but…that didn’t mean he felt idols shouldn’t experience love and relationships like anyone else. 

Hiyori looked from Aira, to Leo, and then to Eichi and Ibara who were still discussing the alleged culprit. “Well, this has gone on long enough; you both are taking too long to deal with this, you know.” He pulled his phone out from his pocket and quickly began typing. About fifteen seconds later, he put it back in his pocket again with a small laugh. “Alright, I’ve fixed the problem! Let’s head back now, okay?”

The room fell into a momentary silence, save for Hiyori’s satisfied hum as he hopped off of Eichi’s desk. Ibara spoke up, “…Your Highness, I’m incredibly hesitant to ask what it is you’ve just done.”

“Like I said, I fixed the problem, right? Maybe give it about an hour.” Hiyori answered happily. 

“Give what an hour?” Ibara pulled his tablet back from Eichi’s hands and started frantically tapping. 

Eichi pulled out his own phone, and Aira couldn’t help but look at his as well. He checked Twitter again for what seemed like the millionth time that day, pulling down on the screen to refresh his feed. A few tweets down from the top, already boasting hundreds of likes and retweets, was the tweet that Hiyori had just posted:

Hiyori Tomoe ☆ @hiyoriii_eveeden 1m

Leo-san and Izumi-san are super cute, right? We’re going to start loving idols having healthy relationships, right? Eden will go next! All four of Eden’s members have been in a polyam relationship for several months and we’ve never been happier. Let’s show Knights our support ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

Aira discreetly passed his phone over to Hiiro, who responded moments later with a simple “oh.” Looking back up at the two at the desk, he observed that Ibara looked as if it was taking every ounce of his strength not to start shouting. Eichi similarly seemed to be holding himself back from saying what he was thinking, though he looked more surprised than angry. Leo had also looked at his phone after noticing everyone else looking at theirs.

“Wahaha!” He finally laughed loudly after seeing what Hiyori had posted. “That’s funny! I like your strategy!” 

“Much more effective than just stressing and worrying, right?” Hiyori agreed. “If enough fans start showing their support, then it won’t be a big deal at all! Problem solved!”

“It is a big deal!” Ibara finally gave into his urge to yell at his senior. “Do you have any idea what you…?! Y-you didn’t even ask us if--you didn’t-“ 

“And we’ve talked about it, right?” Hiyori stood closer to Ibara, his tone just a bit quieter as he spoke only to him. “Me and you and Nagisa-kun and Jun-kun, that one day we won’t have to sneak around and lie about it?”

Hiyori may have lowered his normally loud voice, but Aira (and everyone else in the office) still could hear him quite clearly. It was a very tame and honest statement, yet something about how Hiyori had said it made it sound incredibly lust-filled and Aira felt like it was something he shouldn’t have been hearing. His comment seemed to stun Ibara, his anger abruptly paused as he struggled to process the gentleness he was being publicly shown.

“You didn‘t fix the problem so much as create a second one,” Eichi supplied when Ibara couldn’t form coherent words. “Hiyori-kun, I knew your attitude could be especially lax sometimes, but you’ve really outdone yourself.” 

“Oh, now Jun-kun’s texting me~” Hiyori - ignoring Eichi’s comment - said airily, pulling out his phone again. Looking once more at his angry unitmate (lover), he gave the Vice President a smile. “Eden and Knights are going to pave the way for any other idol to not feel scared about being in a relationship in the public eye. Any backlash will only be temporary and as more and more people support us, the negativity will be overshadowed. And now Ibara-kun wont get onto me about holding Nagisa-kun’s hand when we’re at a job. Give me praise for my efforts~”

“That’s all very noble and idealistic,” Eichi said, slowly as if talking to a child he was trying very hard to not lose his patience with, “But as an idol, that’s just how things work and you know it. One comment from you isn’t going to change things.”

“Change doesn’t come quickly, but it doesn’t come if we don’t start, right?” Hiyori replied. “Besides, who made the rules and why should we follow them? If some units want to stick to an image like that, more power to them, but the rest of us shouldn’t be persecuted for our emotions, you know.”

“That’s right!” Leo agreed. “Even the super idols from years ago got married and had kids!”

Hiyori crossed his arms over his chest, staring down Eichi and Ibara. “If the rules say we can’t, then let’s change them. Out of all of us, I would think the two of you would be the most aggressive about trying to change something you think is wrong.” 

Aira refreshed the tweet, the number of likes and retweets growing by the second. There were a few rude replies, but by far the response was incredibly positive and supportive, both of Eden and Leo and Izumi. “Everyone online’s agreeing with you, Tomoe-senpai…” Aira said quietly. Hiyori let out another pleased hum. “Some of the accounts that liked the tweet are other idols outside of our agencies, and some companies ES has worked with before.”

“…One hour.” Ibara finally said, not looking Hiyori in the eye. “If the public response becomes over fifteen percent negative, we’ll say your account was hacked and deny any accusations.”

“Yep, yep, whatever you say!” Hiyori said. “But my plan is flawless!”

Ibara sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to rub away a headache. “I’m still going to fire this guy and break his phone.” 

“At this point Aoba-kun should be able to take care of it,” Eichi leaned back in his chair, the past ten minutes seeming to have worn him out. “Since this is NewDi’s problem, they can just let Double Face deal with it.”

“Oh, that’s the old Eichi-kun!” Hiyori clapped his hands together. 

Eichi glanced over at Aira and Hiiro, and Hiiro took the initiative to stand, Aira following behind. The older man gave Aira a look, something that read to him as slightly apologetic, before returning his attention to Leo, who had started excitedly chatting about something. The two left, their exit going unnoticed aside from Eichi’s momentary acknowledgement.

-

After Aira and Hiiro left the office, they had headed down to the staff canteen for dinner, meeting Kohaku and trying to relay the weird turn of events that they had been witness to. Aira found himself refreshing his twitter feed almost every minute, only seeing the amount of support that Hiyori’s tweet gained get higher and higher. While no similar tweets came from other ES idols, a few idols in other agencies had tweeted their own announcements about their relationships. Right before they finished their meal, a tweet was finally made from Knights’s official account, thanking both their fans and Eden for supporting Leo and Izumi. It was simple, short, and effective. 

Kohaku mused that until things had settled down, they should probably keep their own relationship at the (mostly) discreet level they had already been at. Aira and Hiiro agreed, though Aira couldn’t help but wonder aloud how nice it would be when it wouldn’t be an issue anymore.

They spent a bit longer catching up on the past few days before walking back to the dorms and slowly separating as they headed towards their respective rooms. Aira was happy to see that Eichi was there, and not still working in his office. However, the older man looked absolutely mentally drained, sitting at the small table and half-heartedly looking at his phone. He did look up when Aira closed the door, offering just the barest of smiles, as if it was all he could manage. 

“Welcome back,” he greeted Aira softly. “I apologize that you had to see all of that.”

“It’s fine, it was…interesting.” Aira quickly set his things down before sitting across from Eichi. He really looked like he needed someone to be nearby. “Did anything else happen?”

“Nothing big,” Eichi replied, putting his phone down. “Saegusa-kun and myself confirmed the identity of the person responsible for posting the picture, so we were able to hand that information off to the proper channels to start the process of pressing charges over the violations of his contract. Aoba-kun dismissed him and banned him from the premises.”

“I guess because you’re ES’s president, anything like that is your problem, even when it’s not your agency?” Aira asked.

“Yes, even when I’ve already exhausted my resources for what can be done,” Eichi laughed wryly. “I wonder if this is how Sakuma-kun used to feel when people would always come to him for help…”

“It seems like Tomoe-senpai’s plan worked,” Aira said, acting as if he hadn’t heard the last part of what Eichi said, as it clearly pertained to the Things He Wasn’t Supposed to Know About. “Most of the response is still positive, so that’s good, right?”

“For now,” Eichi said, again trying to force a smile, probably more of a habit than anything. “After the emotions die down from today’s events, there’s no guarantee that every idol who wishes to be public with their relationship will be treated as kindly.”

“Oh,” Aira said simply. He understood, in a way, that once the excitement of Hiyori’s tweet and everyone else’s support faded away, the next idol who would be seen kissing someone else might not receive the same level of support just because Leo and Izumi did. “But it’s a start, right?”

“I would hope so.” Eichi said. “Shiratori-kun…Mm, please don’t think that I’m unsympathetic to what Leo-kun and Hiyori-kun and yourself were saying. I know we’ve discussed this a while ago and I stand by what I told you then, that I don’t believe idols can be heartless machines. Yet as the head of StarPro and the founder of Ensemble Square, I can’t simply say that it’s okay to suddenly ignore discretion and professionalism.”

“But you don’t think there should be a stigma against idols dating, right?” 

“Of course not, Hiyori-kun was absolutely correct when he said it was an archaic practice.” Eichi confirmed. “But it is the practice in place, and while I commend Hiyori-kun’s efforts to make a bad situation better, he got incredibly lucky. His words could have been taken the wrong way entirely and it could have been the end for both Knights and Eden.”

“Maybe things can start to change, though,” Aira leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands. “Actually…well, no, it’s not really related…”

“Please tell me,” Eichi asked. “I’ll gladly take an unrelated topic right now.”

“It’s kind of related? And, um, kind of stupid.” Aira nervously smiled for a moment. “During the livestream on the ship, towards the end of the night when me and Hiiro went on together, he was still holding my hand when we were in front of the camera for a bit. And I got really scared for a second and didn’t know if I should pull my hand away or if I was going to get in trouble.” He glanced up at Eichi, who was listening intently. This was something he had meant to tell his roommate about the day of the summer festival, and he figured he had lost his chance. “But then I kind of…didn’t care? Because holding his hand made me really happy. Probably a lot of fans took it as us just being friendly, anyways, but…if someone saw us holding hands in front of the camera with all those people watching…I had hoped it might give them a boost of confidence to. You know. Not be scared about…that kind of thing. Being happy.”

Eichi looked at him, not saying anything. Aira didn’t know if there was something else he was supposed to add to that, but then finally Eichi spoke. “Isn’t it silly that when we become idols, our image and happiness no longer becomes ours to do with as we please, yet we’re still fighting to take control of it?” It was a rhetorical question, but Aira nodded anyway. “Idols are something I love very dearly, something that has given me and countless others immeasurable happiness…yet as an idol, living in the way that makes you happiest is often forbidden. You become scared of being happy because someone might find that “bad” and condemn you for it.”

Aira nodded again, completely understanding what Eichi was saying. If he and Hiiro had gotten bad press from their few seconds of holding hands on the livestream, Aira probably would have felt guilty and selfish for wanting to enjoy being close to Hiiro. He couldn’t imagine what Izumi had been feeling earlier that day, that something like a kiss might have gotten his unit shunned.

“Leo and Izumi, Eden, you and your partners…one day I want you all to live without having to be scared of showing your happiness.” Eichi said.

“I want that for you too, senpai.” Aira said.

Eichi laughed at that, an honest laugh that brought an actual smile to his face. “That’s very kind of you to say, Shiratori-kun.” 

“And, um, actually, I was wondering, I don’t know if you would want to since you seem really worn out, but, maybe it would help cheer you up…” Aira wasn’t sure why he was slightly hesitant to ask something so simple after all the time they had spent together, “A few days ago I got a DVD in the mail of one of the big live shows from last winter, do you want to watch it with me?”

“Of course I would,” Eichi replied without hesitation. “Let me make us some tea.”

Aira popped in the DVD, curling up on himself at one one end of the couch. Eichi joined him soon after with two hot cups of black tea. The live was one that neither fine nor Alkaloid had performed in, so at least to Aira it would be a completely new experience to watch. Ryusetai was the first unit to perform, energetic and cheerful as always. The two watched in mostly silence, occasionally commenting on a dance move or a note delivery. 

Ryusetai performed a few songs before Akatsuki took the stage. Sometime during the unit’s second song, Rei entered the room. “Oh, this show. I believe this is the time when Kaoru-kun messed up his entrance during our first set.” He commented as he joined the two, sitting on Eichi’s other side. “I don’t want to ask what you’ve had to deal with today, do I?”

“I assume RhythLin got away mostly unbothered,” Eichi replied vaguely. 

“Mostly,” Rei glanced over at Eichi, seeming a bit amused at the lack of details. “I’m assuming as the head of ES you had a lot of pressure from several sides to make some sort of statement about it and catch the mysterious culprit and make everything right again?”

“That’s exactly it,” Eichi sighed. “Ah, there’s more tea in the pot if you’d like some.”

Rei got up to prepare himself a cup. Akatsuki left the stage, being followed by Undead. Sure enough, Kaoru appeared about a second later than the other three and slightly off-beat, though it was quickly corrected. Aira had to wonder what had caused the error, though little mistakes like that were something he loved about live shows. 

Rei rejoined the two on the couch, frowning slightly as he sat back down. “I’ve never enjoyed watching myself perform.” He stated.

“Me neither.” Aira agreed. “I just focus on everyone else instead.”

Undead’s first song ended and they went straight into their second. “When Leo-kun was shouting at me to somehow fix everything, he said “you used to be meaner about this sort of thing.” Eichi commented. 

This prompted a laugh from Rei. ”I can’t begin to imagine the stress Leo-kun was feeling. Do you remember when Kaoru-kun had his own scandal to deal with? He was a complete wreck.”

“Hmm.” Eichi nodded. “Then Hiyori-kun told me “the old Eichi-kun was much more ruthless” …how do they think I’m supposed to feel hearing that?”

“I don’t believe they were thinking about it,” Rei answered. “I’ve had people say that to me and I’ve never figured out how to respond.”

Aira stayed quiet; it wasn’t often that Eichi would actually just vent about how he was feeling. Of course Aira wasn’t happy that the situation and their words had stressed him out, but he was pleased that he was feeling comfortable enough to talk about it. 

“Ah, Ra*bits’ outfits are incredibly cute here,” Eichi commented, his attention back on the screen. 

The three fell into a comfortable silence again. Somewhere towards the end of the live, Aira uncurled himself and stretched, moving up in his seat to grab his cup and sip the last of his now much cooler tea. He glanced for a second at his seniors and…

Oh. 

The day after the summer festival, Aira and Kohaku sat down and actually discussed what they had been fighting about. They had both been calm and were able to listen to the other’s point of view. They came to the conclusion that, yes, they had been fighting over something that had nothing to do with them. Kohaku had gently suggested that Aira not look into his roommate’s hypothetical feelings towards each other that closely, not until one or both of them said something directly to him about it. Aira agreed with him; now that he had time to step back and think about it, he really shouldn’t have been getting so invested in something that didn’t involve him. 

Did it count as being involved if he could see them holding hands right next to him?

Eichi’s eyes were trained on the TV, watching 2wink entertain the crowd, his body turned slightly to recline more comfortably into Rei’s side, fingers laced within Rei’s. Unlike at the end of the fireworks livestream, when Eichi (and Aira) had been leaning into Rei due to being unable to stay awake, both unit leaders were very much awake. For a brief moment, Aira’s eyes met Rei’s, and the younger boy wasn’t sure if he had been obvious about staring. Rei simply gave Aira a smile before returning to watch the live, his thumb slowly rubbing the back of Eichi’s hand. 

Chapter Text

Aira wasn’t averse to the idea of paying a visit to tea club (at a time when he didn’t have his own club or circle activities, unit practice, or jobs, of course), but when Ritsu began to ask every single time that they ran into each other in the halls of Yumenosaki or at ES, he started wondering if there was an ulterior motive. Despite this, he agreed to go one afternoon, letting the third year know he’d meet them outside after class.

“Aikun’s a good kid,” Ritsu declared, wholly pleased with himself as he nuzzled his head into Aira’s thigh. 

There was an ulterior motive.

As soon as he had met Ritsu and Hajime outside under a large, shady tree, Ritsu had pulled him down to sit with him at the base of the tree, given him a look that Aira could only imagine is what a mouse might see before being devoured by a snake, and then laid his head in Aira’s lap.

“Hakkun is being a bad kid and won’t let me anymore,” Ritsu said, head slowly getting heavier and heavier as he began to drift into sleep.

“Ritsu-onii-chan can be a lot, but you can tell him no.” Hajime told Aira with an apologetic smile as he handed him a cup of tea, setting another on the ground near Ritsu. “I would hate for either of you to get into trouble. Nii-chan told me specifically to be more careful.” Ritsu grumbled and rolled over so that he wasn’t facing as much sunlight.

In the week or so since the incident with Knights (and then Eden) on Twitter, an unintended side effect had come from the aftermath. The public feelings towards Izumi and Leo had mostly calmed down; with no more comments being made from anyone in Knights, they were able to continue as if almost nothing had happened. Eden was in a similar boat, with Hiyori only making a few more tweets about the matter in reply to some of the more rude comments (though Aira saw that some of these tweets were deleted, more than likely at Ibara’s request). For other idols, however…

Trickstar had a live the day after the Knights picture went viral, and during the encore, Subaru had given Yuuki a hug. A lot of fans online were suddenly speculating if and how long they had been dating. Knights and Ryusetai had made an appearance on a show - which thankfully hadn’t asked Knights not to attend - but after Arashi casually touched Chiaki on the shoulder when he made a corny joke, rumors started about them. Eichi had told Aira he feared that any idol that tried to make their relationship public may not receive the same support as Knights and Eden did, but it seemed like somehow the opposite was happening. Now, shipping idols together based on barely anything wasn’t just something that happened with the more hardcore of fans, but any fan and with any idol. On the surface level, this was harmless. However, when Yuuki made a comment about it on his blog, casually dismissing the claims, some fans got quite angry about it. Likewise, when Chiaki was seen later with an arm around Kanata’s shoulder, some fans convinced themselves he was betraying Arashi.

Basically, it was a bit of a mess. 

ES’s four agencies sent out a somewhat vague message to all of its idols, reminding them to be aware of how they conducted themselves when in the public eye, which essentially translated to “don’t be affectionate with your friends.” Which for a lot of idols wasn’t an issue in the first place, but for others, like Ritsu who was known for laying all over his friends and unit mates, it was a bit of an annoyance. Not that Ritsu was currently following this rule. Aira felt that at least at Yumenosaki, hidden in the garden among the trees, something like this was okay. He didn’t exactly have a choice in it, anyways, regardless of what Hajime said. Ritsu was quite comfortable in his spot and didn’t seem like he would move for anything.

Aira and Hajime drank their tea under the cool shade of the tree, talking about this and that and nothing in particular. At some point, Ritsu’s phone had begun to ring, though it didn’t wake him from his nap. When the attempted call stopped, only to start up again moments later, the two tried waking the sleeping boy. It took a good minute to get him conscious and the call had already stopped by the time he fished his phone from his pocket. Ritsu looked at the screen and frowned.

“Is everything okay?” Hajime asked.

“Anija doesn’t ever call anyone, even me.” He said before sitting up and holding the phone to his ear. 

Hajime started tidying up their tea and snacks, Aira offering to help but quickly being politely denied. He sat back and pulled out his own phone, not wanting Ritsu to think he was eavesdropping. He didn’t think he could if he tried - Ritsu was speaking incredibly softly. Even though he couldn’t discern what Ritsu was saying specifically, his tone was obviously quite annoyed, even more than the normal amount when he would speak about or to his brother. 

“Yes I’m actually going to do it, you don’t have to keep asking.” He said in a louder voice before disconnecting the call. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in before letting out a very long sigh. Opening his eyes again, he looked at Aira and Hajime, both very concerned. “I gotta go. See ya.”

“What’s wrong?” Aira asked him, watching as Ritsu slowly stood and grabbed his schoolbag.

“Stupid family stuff.” The raven hair boy grumbled. “I guess someone important in the family died. We have to go to his funeral. It’s such a pain…”

“I’m incredibly sorry for your loss, Ritsu-onii-chan.” Hajime said sincerely.

“I didn’t even know the guy.” Ritsu shrugged. “If anija wasn’t the head of the family, I wouldn’t have to go.”

“When you say you have to go,” Aira asked, “Do you mean you have to go all the way to–“

“To Transylvania, yep.” Ritsu’s annoyed expression was quickly replaced by a more mischievous one. “Home to a nest of scary vampires…and mine and anija’s family.”

“How long will you be there?” Hajime asked him. 

“Dunno. I get to leave as soon as it’s over.” Ritsu said simply. 

Ritsu headed off and soon after, Hajime and Aira stood up to leave as well. Hajime mentioned he had a few little chores to take care of in the tea club’s actual club room, so Aira began heading back to the dorm. 

Aira wondered if Rei would be gone much longer than Ritsu would, as the younger brother implied that he could leave earlier than Rei. Both of the brothers had always been vague about their family, and Aira honestly wasn’t sure if anything Ritsu told him about it was true or if he was just teasing him about the rituals and vampires and the like. If Ritsu was annoyed by the situation, he imagined Rei would be as well. Aira also couldn’t help but wonder - especially if Ritsu left early - if Rei would feel lonely there, and if he would find himself missing Eichi.

He knew it was a path of thinking he shouldn’t be going down, not just because of his promise to Kohaku, but because after that night when he saw them very obviously cuddling on the couch right next to him, he hadn’t seen any similar behavior from them, nor did either of them say anything about it. Aira tried reasoning with himself for about two minutes that night that maybe Rei was just offering some form of comfort after a long day, but…no, he wasn’t buying that, not anymore, especially not with the way Rei had smiled at him when they locked eyes. Aira had started to think that it was him that was the issue - that they didn’t want to be visibly affectionate towards the other in his presence. He could understand that; it would be pretty rude for him to be all over his boyfriends when they were in his room when Rei or Eichi were present. However, he didn’t want them to think they couldn’t be tender towards the other at all if he was there. He really, really, didn’t mind seeing them seeing them like that.

Aira waved to the few people in the common room as he headed towards the elevator. As he entered his room, he saw Rei had his suitcase on his bed along with a smaller bag and was slowly placing things inside.

“You’re back a bit early, aren’t you?” Rei asked. Oh, he definitely sounded stressed.

“Alkaloid didn’t have practice and Hiro and Kohakkuchi are busy,” Aira said. “Actually, I was with Ristu-senpai when you called him…”

“Ahh, so you know why you won’t be seeing me for a few weeks,” Rei said as he closed the main compartment of his suitcase.

“Weeks?!” Aira couldn’t help but exclaim. He had assumed Rei would be gone for a week at most, based on the few funerals his parents had to help arrange for family members when he was a kid. 

“Being the head of the family comes with some very particular and troublesome duties.” Rei said with a sigh as he sat on the bed next to his luggage. “I’ll need to head out in a few minutes, but I’m glad to have seen you before I go.”

Aira decided that saying “don’t you want to wait for Tenshouin-senpai to come back” might be a little too much, instead asking Rei, “Does Tenshouin-senpai know you’re leaving?”

As luck would have it, Eichi returned at that moment, pausing in his tracks when he saw the suitcase on Rei’s bed. “Oh?”

“Familial obligation calls.” Rei explained, looking up at the other man. “One of the more influential members passed, and apparently that’s something I have to deal with.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Eichi said, setting his things down on the table. “Mm…I was thinking this looked strangely familiar, didn't it?”

Aira looked to Rei, unsure of what Eichi meant. “Kukuku, I suppose it would.” The black haired man laughed quietly. “I believe the circumstances are much better than last time, though.”

Eichi chuckled as well, “That they are.”

Something of an awkward silence followed his comment and Aira was very aware that, yes, it probably was his presence in the room right then that was stopping his roommates from actually saying goodbye to the other. Well. He wasn’t sure if he should just leave the room, but just suddenly leaving would be kind of strange and obvious, wouldn’t it? Perhaps he should pretend that he had just gotten sent a demo of one of Alkaloid’s new songs from Anzu and would put in his earbuds to listen to it. 

“I need to be going, so if you’ll excuse me…” Rei broke the silence, pulling his suitcase off the bed as he rose to his feet. He reached into his pocket and seemed to be searching for something, but pulled his hand out without having grabbed anything.

“Do you need help with your other bag?” Eichi offered. In his head, Aira cheered. That was a much better plan than anything he had been thinking.

“That would be appreciated, thank you.” Rei handed Eichi the smaller bag before grabbing the handle of the much larger one. “Shiratori-kun, let me know if you need anything. Not that I can be of much help when I’m that far away, but still, keep me up to date.”

“I will,” Aira promised. “Have a safe trip!”

His roommates left, and Aira flopped back onto his bed. How long was he supposed to pretend that he didn’t know something was going on between them? Kohaku was right, he was absolutely prone to getting too worked up over them. He was becoming a glutton for any crumb, any scrap of interaction between the two that wasn’t just a normal, everyday greeting. He would think he was no better than their fans who had begun shipping any idol with another based on just a couple words exchanged, but he knew he was right about this. He was so, so close to just asking them, but he felt Rei would be less intimidating to ask about it than Eichi, and that probably wasn’t what he had in mind when he asked Aira to let him know if he needed anything. 

He tried to distract his mind, instead pulling out what homework he had for the day and trying to put his whole focus on that. It seemed to work (perhaps studying with Hiiro had finally been paying off; he actually felt like he understood a bit more), because he didn’t know how much time had passed between when he started his homework and when Eichi came back.

Aira greeted him, watched as he returned to his laptop and planner on the table, and then tried to return focus to his homework, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t. “What did you mean when you told Sakuma-senpai that something was familiar?” 

Eichi didn’t seem surprised that Aira had asked, but he did take a moment before he began to explain, “Right before the last time that Sakuma-kun left to go abroad to one of Yumenosaki’s sister schools, I had visited him at his house to give him some documents he would need.” He said, heading over to his own bed. “Coming and in and seeing him packing like that just happened to give me a strong feeling of deja vu.”

Aira frowned slightly, he could have sworn that when Ritsu had brought him and Eichi to his house during the typhoon that Eichi had acted like he had never been there before. He did remember thinking it was strange that Eichi had commented “your house is always cold,” but had been so wrapped up in how he was feeling he didn’t think much of it. Why would he lie about that? Rei hadn’t even mentioned this when he was telling Aira about his past, he had only said that the last time he had to leave was the longest and most difficult, describing how he felt right before he left as being “emotionally dead.”

Eichi opened the drawer of his nightstand and slipped something small and old-looking inside. He turned back to Aira and smiled, “It’ll be a bit quiet here with just the two of us, won’t it?” 

There was an obvious tone of sadness to that statement being suppressed by the same sort of carefully crafted smile Eichi would wear during a meeting or someplace else where he had to maintain a degree of professionalism and detachment. Aira felt he was at a breaking point. He had to say something. If he was right - and he was very sure he was - he hoped it would let the two feel comfortable dropping the act and actually being honest with their feelings at least in their own dorm room. If he was wrong, he could say he misunderstood and apologize. 

“Senpai,” He started, nervous to the point that he could feel it in his stomach. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, is everything alright?” Eichi placed his phone down on his bed before sitting at the edge, facing Aira. 

Aira realized he had an obvious out, he could say literally anything else and the night would go on like any other night. He could. He should. But. “Do you…um, you know when we were all on the ship for the fireworks livestream a couple of weeks ago? I, uh…” He had imagined this scenario in his head a few times, but in all of his daydreams he didn’t take into account how nerve-wracking this would be. 

“Did something happen? Shiratori-kun, you look like you’re about to cry.”  

Aira wanted to argue that he couldn’t have possibly looked that distressed, but was caught off guard when Eichi got up and came to sit next to him. Now that they were side by side, he really felt like he couldn’t back out and run away now. Was his bed really becoming the place where serious conversations were going to take place? 

“Nothing happened, but…” Aira looked down at his hands. “That night, after a while, I got really tired, and, um, I went to lay down in one of the nap rooms, and, I…well, then I heard you and Hibiki-senpai come in.”

“…I see.” 

“I-I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on you or anything and I’m really sorry I didn’t say something earlier but I didn’t know how to tell you or if you’d be mad!” Aira spoke quickly, keeping his eyes down, afraid to see how Eichi was reacting to his admission. “Um, but, I want you to know that if you and Sakuma-senpai are together, I think that’s really nice and I don’t want you guys to feel like you have to hide that like if I’m in the room with you ‘cause I want the both of you to be happy and I’m sorry if this made everything really awkward!” 

“…So your comment about wanting to show others not to be scared…” Eichi trailed off. He didn’t sound mad, at least. 

“Yeah, that was…about what you said to Hibiki-senpai,” Aira confirmed. “But if I got it totally wrong and completely misunderstood everything I’m really sorry!” 

The room fell into silence for a moment, though it felt like an eternity to Aira. Finally it was broken by the gentle sound of Eichi’s laughter. Aira’s head snapped up; the older man looked incredibly amused, a hand covering his mouth. 

“Ah, my apologies, I’m not laughing at you,” He said after calming himself down. “This whole time I had worried that whoever was in that room hadn’t been asleep and overheard us, but to know it was only you is a big weight off of my chest.”

“You’re not upset?” 

“If anything, I’m…relieved?” Eichi said. “About that, Wataru is the only…I don’t really have…” Now it was Eichi’s turn to avert his eyes, an uncharacteristic blush covering his face. “There isn’t anyone else I’ve had to talk about this with, you know, so it’s been just sitting inside of me.”

“You can talk to me about it!” Aira knew he was probably much too eager, but this was a special circumstance. “So…I wasn’t misunderstanding everything?!”

“Ah, I’m not quite sure what you’re counting as “everything,” but…” the unit leader took in a breath, “…I don’t imagine you were misunderstanding, no.”

“…!” Aira had to exert a tremendous amount of self control to not start jumping up and down right then and there. “I knew I was right!” He satisfied his need for jumping by instead hugging onto Eichi. “You don’t know how happy I am for you guys! You have to tell me everything, okay? I mean, you don’t have to, but you can and I’ve been dying since that night but I couldn’t tell you I overheard you and I thought maybe I was just reading into what you and Hibiki-senpai but then last week when you and Sakuma-senpai were just holding hands right in front of me, and—”

Eichi was laughing again; Aira realized that he was doing The Thing when he got excited and began to chatter endlessly. 

“I suppose we weren’t being very discreet, were we?” Eichi smiled. “I was just so drained from the day, I didn’t have the energy to…hmm, to keep up the appearance of not wanting comfort.”

“I get that.” Aira sat back a bit and grabbed a pillow, hugging it to his chest. “If you guys are comfortable with it, I don’t mind if you, you know, hold hands and stuff like that when I’m here. I don’t want you two to have to hide part of yourselves just ‘cause I’m here.”

“That’s…very much appreciated, Shiratori-kun.” Eichi said genuinely. “Learning to be more honest with myself about how I’m feeling has been…a bit of a challenge, to say the least. It’s much easier to hide those feelings away with the excuse of being in public or being around others, but it’s probably much better, at least in the safety of this room, and…around Sakuma-kun, to try and act how I would like instead of how I feel I’m expected to be.”

“Yeah, of course that’s better!” Aira nodded encouragingly. “I know you told me a while ago how your family said you weren’t allowed to be scared and had to always act a certain way, so I’m sure that’s something that takes a while to get out of thinking.”

“It is.” He replied simply. “Smile, but don’t be happy. Be sympathetic but don’t be sad. Don’t cry even if death is staring you in the face. Don’t show affection because that shows weakness.” Eichi said, as if he were reciting a mantra. 

“It’s not a bad thing to feel those things. You can’t be strong all the time. Even you said you were jealous of me for crying.” Aira commented. ”But, you know, lately I think I’ve seen you show more sides of yourself, at least to me. Like the other week when we were talking about what we wanted to do at the festival…when you had less of a filter like that, it reminds me that we’ve become good friends.”

“Fufu, don’t encourage me not to have a filter.” Eichi said. “I’m happy that you feel that way; you’ve become a dear friend to me as well.”

“So, is that something that you kind of struggle with, when it comes to Sakuma-senpai? Being honest about how you’re feeling?” Aira guessed. 

“…That’s pretty spot on,” Eichi confirmed. “It’s a little…since we’ve known each other for a while, it’s a bit difficult.”

“When did you realize that you liked him like that?” Aira asked. 

“I don’t think I have an answer for that,” Eichi said, not meeting Aira’s gaze again. “I tried asking myself, and I couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment.”

“That’s how I was with Hiro and Kohakkuchi,” Aira shifted his weight a little. “One day it was like, “oh, they’ve become so important to me and make me feel everything so much,” and I couldn’t figure out how long I had felt like that.”

“That’s exactly it,” The older man nodded, seeming almost amazed that Aira was describing such a similar experience. “With things like these that I don’t really have experience in…ah, it’s like all of the things I’m not supposed to feel, he…Sakuma-kun makes me feel them, all of them.”

Aira made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a whimper and for a moment he buried his face in his pillow before looking back up at his senior with shining eyes. “Aaah, senpai! That-that thing you just said sounded so…! So love~ly!”

Aira found that the pillow in his lap was suddenly snatched from him, Eichi now gripping it tightly. “It wasn’t very fair that you had something to hide behind and I didn’t,” Was the muffled excuse he gave, face incredibly red. 

Aira had to laugh at his reasoning, and he leaned back to grab another one of his pillows, resting his chin on it. “But how long have you guys been, like, together? Or are you still not together-together and just kind of going on dates?”

“I’m not sure what the difference is?” Eichi admitted. 

“Like, would you call him your boyfriend?” Aira clarified.

“I suppose…not?” 

Aira frowned. “Senpai, you did tell him that you like him like that, right? I think that’s a pretty simple yes or no question.”

“He and I are both aware of each others’ feelings.” Eichi stated. He went on to clarify, “What you heard me say to Wataru, about being scared, I wasn’t saying that I was scared of telling Sakuma-kun how I felt. After having lived together for so long, I’m sure it’s quite obvious to you that Sakuma-kun and myself hadn’t always been on the best terms with one another. It’s…quite complicated, to say the least. Even though we’re past that, we’ve both been dealing with how to move forward from it.”

Something clicked in his mind, and the things Rei told Aira when he had gotten in a fight with Kohaku suddenly took on another meaning. He hadn’t just been saying those things to Aira, had he? Was that why they had seemed so distant earlier that day, because they had gotten into a fight about moving on from the past? Imagining that Rei was saying those things just to Eichi, being patient and understanding the way he was with Aira, put a warm feeling in his heart.

“Then, are you scared because this is different? Like, you’re seeing him in a different way than before?” Aira asked. 

“That’s one way to put it,” Eichi said, mirroring Aira by resting his chin on the pillow. “Except…Mm, Sakuma-kun and I…we were always fighting and back then, I had never actually apologized. As time went on, saying something so simple became harder and harder and seemed like it would be more of a meaningless gesture or even an insult.”

“But you did, right? Apologize?” Aira asked. Rei had told him that Eichi hadn’t ever said an apology to him, but that was before. “It was after the festival, right? After I left you two?” 

“I’m a little surprised you seem to know the exact moment, but, yes. It brought me a bit of comfort to know Sakuma-kun had the same fears I did.”

“That’s really good!” Aira exclaimed. “That means you’re both doing really good!”

“Does it?” Eichi smiled. “Ah, to clarify on what you asked earlier, if I would refer to Sakuma-kun as my boyfriend…for the time being we’ve agreed to take things one day at a time and go incredibly slowly, considering all of the things we need to work through. So…somewhat no, somewhat yes.”

“That makes sense,” Aira said. “But then that means you’ll get there soon, right?”

“I…yes, I would like that.” Eichi admitted. 

Seeing his normally composed, poised senpai like this was bringing Aira so much joy, but not as much as knowing that Eichi likes Rei, and Rei likes him back, and they’re working through their issues and everything is good.

There was something else that Aira really, desperately needed to know, though. Something he had wanted to ask for months and months and now he finally had the chance. 

“I know you said you don’t know when you started liking Sakuma-senpai like that, but could it be that you liked him even back when you guys were in school together?” 

Even the tips of Eichi’s ears turned pink at Aira’s question; he didn’t even need to answer because that told the younger boy everything he needed to know. 

“You did , didn’t you?!” Aira leaned forward, closer to Eichi who seemed to be on the very edge of the bed. Aira remembered he had asked Rei if he had ever viewed Eichi as anything like just a friend or classmate and he had answered no, but that didn’t mean Rei had never seen him as a partner or lover. 

“Like I said, it’s a bit complicated—“ Eichi started. 

“…did you guys like have a break up or something before?!” Aira crept closer and closer to where Eichi was sitting. Rei hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort, but perhaps it was something even he didn’t want to talk about then, not important to the story he was telling. He was definitely confronting Rei with these same questions at some point when he returned. 

“Not—- no, it wasn’t really…Shiratori-kun, you’ve become awfully direct, haven’t you?” Eichi retaliated by throwing Aira’s pillow back in his face. He stood up and backtracked a bit to his bed, glancing for a second at his phone that lay face up. His face switched quickly from a more honest and flustered expression to something more serious, and he retrieved his phone quickly, scrolling through something with a furrowed brow. 

“Is everything okay?” Aira asked, holding both pillows tightly. 

“A brand that was going to do a huge collaboration with Trickstar backed out at the last moment.” He said, eyes glued to his phone. “Because of the incident from a couple days ago with Subaru-kun and Yuuki-kun, they’re claiming it would be a bad look for their image.”

“It was only their fans that made it an incident, not anyone in Trickstar,” Aira said. 

“Exactly, and they’ve already signed a contract.” Eichi said, heading to his drawers to pull out a sweater, quickly pulling it on over his shirt. “It looks like I’ll be back later, Shiratori-kun.”

“It’s almost night,” Aira stated, not to protest Eichi’s leaving but rather the reason he had to leave. 

“Indeed it is,” With a resigned sigh, he headed to the door. “I’m sorry to leave so suddenly, but it’s unavoidable.”

“I hope you can get it taken care of quickly,” Aira gave Eichi a small wave as he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

And then, Aira screamed into his pillow.

He knew it, he knew it! They were together! They liked each other! Aira thought he would explode with happiness! He couldn’t fully process how he was feeling, he kept replaying the conversation over and over in his head. Eichi liked Rei, Rei liked Eichi, and even if their relationship was still just in its beginning stages, they seemed to both be trying.

He remembered asking Rei if he forgave Eichi for what had happened, and he said he didn’t have an answer. Did he have one now, now that it seemed like the two had actually apologized? Aira may have been their junior, but he found himself feeling almost proud of the two for taking such big steps to move forward from such a horrible past. 

He wondered just how long the two had any sort of feelings for the other, and what details Rei may have left out of his story. Eichi certainly was taken off guard when Aira had asked if he had liked Rei when they were in high school. Could it be that this wasn’t their first time attempting a relationship? Was this yet another element that fueled the tension and animosity between the two? Or maybe it had been nothing more than a fleeting crush that was overshadowed by the events of the “war.” 

Aira pulled his homework over again, though he was barely looking at the words on the page. They were together. They were holding hands on the couch and they were together.  

Eventually, Aira had made it through the rest of his homework. He looked at the clock on his phone; it was well into the night and Eichi still hadn’t returned. He saw that he had actually gotten a text from Eichi, not more than a few minutes ago.

“If I didn’t express myself clearly enough before I left, I greatly appreciate you being supportive and listening to me. I don’t have many people that I can be vulnerable around, and I’m happy that you are one of them.”

And then sent about a minute afterwards, “Wish me luck getting back before midnight.”

Aira beamed, somehow feeling even happier than he had been. He began typing,

“Good luck!! That really means a lot to me, thank you! I’m really really happy that you and sakuma-senpai are working towards being happy and stuff together after everything that happened with the eccentrics. If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here! Do you want me to wait up for you?”

That was probably too long of a reply, but oh well. He was excited. Aira put his things back in his bag so he wouldn’t have to rush in the morning and debated what he wanted to eat for dinner. It was starting to get late and he didn’t want to walk over to ES to go to the staff canteen, so he would probably just go down to the kitchen and find some instant noodles or something easy. 

Aira looked up how long it took to fly from Japan to Romania; he felt a huge pang of sympathy when he saw it took around a full day. He wondered what Eichi would say to Rei about the conversation that they had. He couldn’t imagine that Rei would be bothered by it, and he hoped he too would feel comfortable showing affection towards Eichi even if Aira was in the room.

Wait.

He quickly switched back to his texts. He didn’t just make that mistake. Surely, he hadn’t been so preoccupied with being happy for the two of them that he had slipped up that badly.

…He did.

He had mentioned the eccentrics. The eccentrics he wasn’t supposed to know about. Eichi’s involvement that he absolutely wasn’t supposed to know about. All of the time since he had learned the truth about what Eichi had done, slowly coming to terms with it and accepting it, and his caution with what he said to make sure Eichi didn’t know that he knew, and he just blew it. Aira had wanted to one day talk with Eichi about it, but…definitely not like that, not right after Eichi had been so completely honest with him about his feelings. Rei had said that whenever Aira felt comfortable talking with Eichi about it, he would help him, but now he was on a plane heading to a different continent.

Aira felt almost cold inside, the light and warm feelings completely gone. He tried to rationalize with himself, maybe Eichi wouldn’t get that upset over it. Maybe Rei had lied and had actually already told Eichi, or maybe Wataru had said something about Aira asking about the eccentrics. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say. There was nothing he could say until Eichi asked him about it and he would know how mad or sad he was. He couldn’t tell anyone but Rei, but even that felt like a bad move. Like he would be disappointing him if he said that he made such a big mistake so easily.

Feeling stuck and scared, Aira sat still on his bed, staring at his phone, both hoping and fearing for Eichi to respond. 

Chapter Text

Eichi didn’t return to the dorm that night.

Aira knew he had woken up at least once every hour after he was finally able to fall asleep, each time sitting upright to see that Eichi’s bed was still unoccupied. He felt as if he hadn’t slept at all and really considered just not going to school that day. Yet if he stayed there, Eichi might return, and…well, while Aira was upset that he didn’t return, he was still scared of what would happen when he did, especially if he was so troubled he hadn’t come back. 

There were no texts from Eichi either, no calls, nothing. Aira must have really messed up. Thinking about it made him feel like he might start crying (again, he had already cried about it the night before), so after sending his boyfriends a good morning text he quickly asked Hiiro to go ahead and leave without him before turning his phone completely off. If he kept it on, he knew he would continue to check obsessively for a reply that may not even come. 

It was a struggle, but Aira somehow made it through the first half of the day, though time seemed to be going incredibly slowly. He decided he would get something at the school store for lunch, something sweet and unhealthy and distracting. As he made his way down the hall, two other students ran by him, probably trying to get the best snacks before they were gone.

“Oi, cut that out!” Mao’s voice rang out from behind them. “Don’t run in the halls!”

Despite not being the one Mao was yelling at, Aira paused and jumped at the sudden noise; the two that had passed him by stopped out of surprise at actually hearing Mao yelling. They turned and bowed apologetically, both to Mao and Aira, before speed walking off, heads down.

“I guess I was kind of harsh, huh?” Mao said a bit sheepishly as he approached Aira. “Sorry if I startled you, I’m just so worn out after yesterday, you know?”

Aira belatedly remembered that the whole reason why Eichi had left was because of a brand trying to back out of a contracted collaboration with Trickstar over something so incredibly minute. “Did the collaboration fall though?” Aira asked, attempting normal small talk.

“Huh? No, Tenshouin-senpai didn’t step down until they agreed to go on with it as planned.” Mao said. “Of course, that’s why…” Mao paused, his eyes suddenly went wide as he stared at Aira. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, looking through it frantically. “Ohhh, oh man. I really did forget to send the text to you, I’m so sorry!”

“What is it?” Aira asked nervously. Seeing Mao so worked up was a little unsettling.

“Sorry, it’s just with having to sit in on that meeting and Ritsu texting me every five minutes and then all the excitement after it just completely slipped my mind to text you,” Mao raked a hand through his hair. “After the brand representatives left last night, Tenshouin-senpai collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital.”

“He— what?!“ Aira exclaimed. It couldn’t have been that his text to Eichi had caused him that much distress, right? The weight that had been pressing on his chest since last night got even heavier. “Is he okay?!”

“I'm sure he will be, he hadn’t woken up when me and Hokuto left from his room, but he probably just wore himself out.” Mao said. He seemed to notice how upset this had made Aira and he was trying to speak as calmly as possible. “You know how he gets when the weather starts getting cooler, and he already seemed a little tired when he arrived at the meeting yesterday. Normally this sort of negotiation is something the P-Association would take care of, but because of the circumstances and how stubborn the brand ambassadors were, Tenshouin-senpai was having to fight really hard for us.”

That all seemed like something that might have caused Eichi’s health to slip, but…

“Did you…” Aira shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Did you happen to notice if Tenshouin-senpai was checking his phone?”

“Hmm?” Mao asked. “Um…like maybe for a minute when one of them had to step out to use the restroom, but I don’t really remember him looking at it much, I guess?” 

Of course Aira couldn’t expect Mao to be paying attention to what Eichi had been doing, but now there was at least a small part of Aira that didn’t think he put Eichi in the hospital. 

“I really meant to text you last night when we left the hospital, but I just got so wrapped up in everything I completely forgot,” Mao said, incredibly apologetic. “I didn’t even text Ritsu after the meeting, so I’m sure I’ve got another hundred messages waiting for me…”

“Ritsu-senpai doesn’t know?” Aira asked, now worrying about having to tell Rei that Eichi had fallen ill in addition to everything else.  

“I just couldn’t handle him messaging me all throughout the meeting literally every five minutes about how bored he was even though I asked him to stop,” Mao said with a wry laugh. “Actually, it was Hasumi-senpai who told me just to turn my phone off for a while; he had seen the EMTs come into the building and came with us to the hospital.”

Aira hadn’t gotten a text from Rei either (not that he texted often), so either Keito hadn’t told him - either because he too hated using the phone or because he didn’t think it was important to tell him - or he had told him and Rei just hadn’t contacted him about it for whatever reason. 

“He’ll recover soon, he always does.” Mao told him reassuringly, giving his shoulder a friendly pat. “It’s nice that he has a roommate that’s so concerned about him. You two must be really good friends.” 

Mao’s statement had been meant as praise, but it felt more like a knife through his chest. 

When his next set of classes started, Aira turned his phone back on (under his desk where the teacher couldn’t see). No texts from Eichi, no texts from Rei. Even if Keito had already texted him, Aira figured he should at least let Rei know that Eichi was in the hospital again just in case. He could tell him about the mess he caused later. 

“Idk if hasumi-senpai txted you but tenshouin-senpai is in hospital. Haven’t seen him yet but isara-senpai says he’ll be ok. Will keep you updated. Hope you’re ok.”

There was a possibility that Eichi hadn’t seen his text. If he only had a moment to check his phone last night, then it was very likely that he only had enough time to text Aira before returning to the meeting. Of course, Mao had said that he had only collapsed after the meeting had ended, so what if he had read it then? What if knowing that Aira knew about his past was what pushed him past his body’s limit?

If he hadn’t seen Aira’s message, that was good, that would mean it absolutely wasn’t his fault he ended up in the hospital. It would only be a temporary relief, however, as he would still see it sooner or later, if he hadn’t already. Even if he hadn’t seen it yet, it’s not like Aira could unlock his phone and delete it. The only other option Aira had was to tell Eichi before he saw the text, which really wasn’t any better. 

Despite how awful he was feeling, he didn’t want to run away from it. He found Hiiro after class and let him know what had happened and that he was going to go visit Eichi. It had been the first time he had seen the redhead all day, and even though Aira tried, he couldn’t hide his anxiety from him. 

“Is he really sick? You look so worried…” Hiiro stated sadly. 

“No, it’s…” Aira really didn’t want to start crying again. “Can I tell you tonight? Maybe you and Kohakkuchi can spend the night? Can you ask him?” 

“I’ll let him know,” Hiiro said, still clearly concerned. “Can I do anything for you before tonight?”

“N-no, I’ll be okay.” Aira weakly tried assuring him. Thankfully, Hiiro didn’t push it anymore and the two parted ways. 

The last time Aira had visited Eichi in the hospital, he had been scared that he would enter the room to see the older man in a horrible state, only to find Eichi more bored than anything. This time, however, Eichi wasn’t sitting up and welcoming him in; he lay in his bed, sleeping more soundly than Aira had last night. Unlike the previous visit where Eichi had just a cannula tube across his face and a single IV attached to his arm, he had a full oxygen mask over his nose and mouth and multiple tubes and monitoring wires coming from various places on his body. 

“It looks more serious than it actually is,” came a voice from the other side of the room. Aira didn’t jump like he had earlier at Mao’s yelling, but he did quickly turn to see Wataru sitting on the ledge of the window, a finger marking his place in a script he had been reading. Aira was surprised to see him there, but more surprised that even Wataru knew to keep his voice down in a hospital. “Keito-kun just left; His Majesty will be happy to know he’s had so many visitors~”

“Has he not woken up yet?” Aira asked.

“He did for a while before Keito-kun came by.” Wataru said with a hum. “Don’t look so sad, little swan. He’ll be able to go back to the dorms in no time.”

If Eichi wasn’t awake, then there really wasn’t any reason for him to stay, was there? Wataru was clearly settled in and keeping watch in case anything changed. Aira also felt just a tad bit weird around Wataru, as the last time they had met alone was the night that Aira had found out about Eichi’s past. 

That night in the dressing room, Wataru seemed like he would have told Aira the truth if Tsumugi hadn’t come in. Just as Rei had explained things much differently than Tsumugi, Aira imagined Wataru’s account of things would also sound uniquely his. 

“Hibiki-senpai, did you tell Tenshouin-senpai that you told me…you know, the things you told me?” 

Wataru’s eyebrow raised slightly at Aira’s question before his face settled into its normal amused expression. “I hadn’t told him.” He said. Aira had no reason to think he would lie. “Rei, however…ah, for a moment I thought he might tear me apart after I told him I had spoken to you! It was quite the display.”

“He was that mad?” Aira asked. Rei had seemed rather calm when they had talked the next day, although he did remember that when he mentioned Tsumugi had talked to him as well, Rei seemed to be a bit annoyed. 

“He would have returned back to your dorm right then to make sure things were alright if I hadn’t convinced him otherwise,” Wataru chuckled. “I assume I wasn’t misjudging this?”

Aira really wasn’t sure what would have changed if Rei had returned earlier. Aira had already started feeling ill and overwhelmed before he had even returned to the dorm that night, and probably wouldn’t have been able to take in anything Rei would have tried to tell him then. 

“You didn’t, but…” Aira shivered under Wataru’s stare, unsure of what to say. The older man seemed to sense this, as he beckoned for Aira to take a seat on one of the two chairs opposite the window. He did so, looking again at Eichi, asleep and unaware of the conversation happening around him. 

“I’ll tell you what I told Rei,” Wataru removed his finger from the manuscript and placed it on the ledge next to him. “Aira-kun is a smart boy and can figure out what wasn’t explicitly told to him, but he’s also a compassionate boy and wouldn’t be driven to make a harsh and final judgement of character from just one side of the story.”

“I don’t know how smart I am,” Aira mumbled, looking downwards at his knees. “After you left, Aoba-senpai told me a lot more about what happened to you five, and even then it took me some time to figure out that Tenshouin-senpai…that Sakuma-senpai didn’t want me to know about the things he did.” 

“Tsumugi-kun has such a funny way of telling stories, doesn’t he?” Wataru mused. “His Majesty told me not so long ago that he dreaded the day when you would learn about our pasts. He cares for you very deeply and fears that you might come to hate him for his actions.”

“He said that?” Aira sat up a bit. “But then why didn’t you tell him that I knew?”

“What reason did I have?” Wataru smiled. “I wanted to see how it would play out. I can only assume Rei has told you more than Tsumugi-kun or I had, and yet you didn’t tell him, and neither did Rei. There must have been some reason for keeping it from him for so long and I certainly wasn’t going to interfere.”

“I didn’t mean to not tell him, but…” Aira frowned. “Everything that you and Aoba-senpai and Sakuma-senpai told me was really overwhelming and it took me a while to process it all...And then when I did, I didn’t know how I was supposed to talk to him about it and I was scared that he would get really upset and…” 

“And do you hate him? Even after learning of his sins and avariciousness?” 

“Of course I don’t!” Aira said, probably much too loud for being in a hospital. “I mean, everything he did was really awful, even if he did them for good reasons, but that’s not the kind of person he is anymore.”

Wataru’s expression didn’t shift, but there was a pause that lasted just a bit too long, something that made Aira feel like he had said something incorrect. Or perhaps it was just Wataru’s normal dramatics, wanting to stretch the silence as long as possible so that his next statement would have a greater impact. 

His next words, however, were not profound or theatrical in any way, just a mild “Then you have nothing to worry about, no?” 

“I guess not?” Aira didn’t really appreciate his worries being made into something slightly trivial, even if Wataru meant no harm by it. 

“And so you’ll tell him you don’t despise him and that will be that.” Wataru said, as if it were that simple.

“But then…” Aira would have liked if it were that simple, and he supposed if he never felt anxiety or curiosity it would be. Even if he didn’t hold any grudge towards Eichi over what he had learned, it didn’t mean those things didn’t exist. And even if he was wanting to tell Eichi that he didn’t hate him and have this put behind them, there was a part of him that wanted to ask Eichi for his side of the story.

“It’s not enough?” Wataru asked.

“I want to know…what Tenshouin-senpai was feeling back then.” Aira decided. “If he wants to tell me. Even if it’s probably something that’s really upsetting, it’s still a part of him, and I don’t want to just pretend it doesn’t exist.”

Wataru hummed happily at Aira’a answer. 

“Would he tell me?” Aira asked him. 

“It’s not so much a matter of “if,” but “when.”” Wataru said. “Eichi thinks of you quite fondly, just as you do him. Ah, and anyway,” He slid off of the ledge, stepping around the bed and sitting in the chair right next to Aira. “If those two can work through their mess, then you two certainly can.”

“Tenshouin-senpai and Sakuma-senpai?” Aira asked, though he already knew that’s who Wataru was referring to. 

“You know, little swan, if you would like sometime we could work on your fake sleeping, it does leave a lot to be desired.” Wataru rested his elbow on the armrest, propping his chin on his fist so that their faces were only inches apart. 

“There’s—!” Aira sputtered. There was absolutely no way Wataru could have known it was him in the nap room on the ship; the curtain had been drawn around the bed and Aira made sure he didn’t make a sound. He must have been teasing him, just like he had said he had teased Rei. “If you knew I was in there and awake, why did you let me overhear all of that?!”

“You heard His Majesty,” Wataru replied. “Always so confident and composed, yet when it comes to his own emotions, he needs a bit of a push to get him out of his well-built comfort zone. I didn’t know quite how it would play out, but there was obviously no harm in someone so close to him knowing how he felt; someone who could be supportive and encouraging.” 

Wataru had already stated that Eichi thought of Aira fondly, but hearing him say that he trusted him enough to be privy to their conversation to help Eichi out made Aira feel a little surge of happiness attempting to poke through his mood. 

“You told him that you had seen them both…you know, how they looked at each other.” Aira recalled. “How long have you…um, were they ever together when they were at Yumenosaki?” He asked Wataru. 

Wataru laughed, quite earnestly at that. “Do you mean that in the normal, stereotypical high school way?”

“I…guess?” Aira didn’t know what other options there were. 

“Then, no.” Wataru said, his gaze on Aira still quite intense. 

“Oh.” Aira said lamely. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on his part, and while Eichi had seemed rather worked up when Aira had asked him, Rei hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort. 

Wataru sat back in the chair, crossing his legs as he looked up at Eichi with an intense fondness. “But I wonder, little swan, do His Majesty and Rei strike you as the type to go about anything in a conventional way?”

Aira wasn’t really sure what Wataru meant specifically, but he somehow felt like he understood his statement nonetheless. 

-

As Aira headed back to the dorms, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket a few times in quick succession. He pulled it out to see that Rei had finally responded, texting him three times already, the little bubble at the bottom of the screen indicating that he was still typing. 

“(*´ω`*)”

“sorry”

“typo”

Before Rei could finish his next message, Aira quickly shot back “How is that a typo????”

Rei typed a bit longer before the bubble disappeared, then finally Aira received his next text, “sorry couldnt text earlier cant check phone often. will be a while before I can respond. keito and wataru have been keeping me updated. are you doing okay.”

Aira slowed down his pace to read the message, stopping completely as he thought about what he wanted to say and how to say it all via text without writing an entire essay.

“I accidentally told teshouin-senpai that I knew about everything in a text but I don’t think he saw it before he collapsed. Not really ok but hibiki-senpai helped me feel better. Still kinda scared about it.”

Aira decided he could tell Rei what Eichi had told him about their relationship after this was dealt with. He waited for a moment to see if Rei would begin to respond, but after a minute of nothing, Aira put his phone back into his pocket and continued walking. By now he and Ritsu must have arrived at their destination, and he could only imagine what sorts of things they would have to deal with. 

After returning to his (very empty) room, he changed out of his uniform before texting Kohaku and Hiiro that he was back and if they had wanted to spend the night they could. As he waited for a response from them, Rei finally texted back. 

“im sorry I can’t be there right now. but i know you can handle it”  

Then a moment later, “do you want me to send him a message about it”

Aira didn’t think it would make a difference if he did. He appreciated that Rei was trying to help in any way he could, but at this point there was nothing that could be done until Eichi woke up again and the two of them could talk. 

“It’s ok. I think I can handle it too.”

It wasn’t long before his boyfriends came over; Kohaku now wore the same face of concern that Hiiro did. Aira told them that both Rei and Eichi would be gone from the dorm for a while and why, and told them that they were more than welcome to stay the night for as long as they were gone. Of course, they both could see that it wasn’t just loneliness or concern for Eichi’s health that was bothering him. 

He then gave Hiiro the most basic, undetailed version of events that he could. He told him that Eichi had done something bad a few years ago that had hurt a lot of people, and that it was something that was kept under wraps to those who weren’t involved. He went on to vaguely explain that Eichi especially didn’t want him to know about the something because he didn’t want Aira to despise him for it, but he had found out about the something and had known for a while but hadn’t had the nerve to talk about it with him. Then after he and Eichi had just had a big heart to heart he accidentally let slip that he knew about the something, but he may not have seen Aira’s text before passing out. 

Kohaku had kept silent through Aira’s very vague explanation, nodding here and there. He and Aira had never compared what the other knew, but it was clear that Madara had filled him in on a lot of it. 

Naturally, the two had been reassuring that things would be okay. Aira leaned into their hugs, agreeing for once that he knew he could make it through alright but reiterating that the impending confrontation still scared him. 

Hiiro suggested that they watch a movie to take Aira’s mind off of things. Kohaku ran down to the kitchens to find some popcorn to make while Aira and Hiiro piled a bunch of blankets and pillows in front of the TV. As he and Hiiro finished pushing the couch and low table aside to make more room, he felt his phone begin to buzz repeatedly. He pulled it from his pocket and nearly choked on his own spit when he saw the screen. 

Incoming call: Tenshouin Eichi

He looked at Hiiro, who gave him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. Aira backed up and sat on his bed, for some reason feeling like he didn’t want Hiiro to be able to hear his conversation. With a shaky hand, he pressed the accept button. 

“Hello, Senpai? Are you okay?”

“Shiratori-kun…” Eichi’s speech was slow and slightly slurred, and Aira could hear it muffled by the oxygen mask. “Mm, not supposed to…be on my phone, but I needed to talk to you...”

“Of course,” Aira said, bringing his knees up to his chest. He had never heard Eichi sound so fragile before, not even the night when he overheard Rei taking care of him. 

“Not now,” Eichi said, quieter than before. “Tomorrow…is Saturday?”

“Yeah, it is…”

“Could you…come visit tomorrow…please.” Eichi sounded like he was slipping back into sleep. “Need to talk to you…what your message said…”

Aira took in a sharp breath. There it was. He started nodding quickly even though Hiiro was the only one who could see him. “Y-yeah, of course I can come. Do you need me to bring anything?”

There was a very long pause before Eichi finally said breathily, “…no, thank you…”

“You should try to get some more rest, okay?” Aira tried to keep his voice steady. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise.”

There was a slightly louder sound from the other line, and then a voice in the background that may have been Keito’s. “Mm, I’ll…see you then, Shiratori-kun…” 

With a click, the call ended. 

Chapter Text

Aira would be lying if he said there wasn’t a tiny, selfish part of him that was glad he had the room to himself; it meant he got to go to sleep and wake up sandwiched between Kohaku and Hiiro. 

The previous night, they had stayed up well past midnight watching newer movies that they had wanted to see but hadn’t had the time for, only stopping when they realized that their blanket pile that they had made the floor was a little too cozy and they were all nodding off. Three people sharing Aira’s bed was a bit of a struggle space-wise, but they made it work. Aira woke up a little warmer than he would have liked (he definitely would have worn something more lightweight to bed if he knew how hot it would get with two people around him through the night), but he woke up with a smile and a feeling that everything would go alright. 

Hiiro smiled sleepily at him, “We’re practicing for when we live together,” and Aira thought he might die right there in his bed. 

The three took their time actually getting up, only really getting out of bed when they became hungry. Aira decided he would make breakfast for them; they had both been so quick to come to his aid the night before and listen to his worries that he wanted to repay them any way he could. They headed down to the shared kitchen after getting dressed; Aira wasn’t the best at cooking but he felt he managed a decent, albeit basic breakfast. Instead of getting discouraged that it didn’t turn out quite like he wanted it to, it only made him want to get better so he could make more meals for his boyfriends. 

He had completely forgotten about it when Eichi had called him the night before, but Alkaloid had a short practice scheduled for that morning before Tatsumi and Hiiro were set to head to a location shoot. It would only be a few hours, and then Aira could take a quick shower before heading to meet with his roommate. After the trio ate breakfast, they headed back to Aira’s room so Kohaku and Hiiro could get their things they had brought and Aira could shove his practice clothes in a bag. 

“Guess we need ta say our goodbyes now,” Kohaku pointed out, rolling his eyes slightly. “Since we’ll get yelled at if we look at each other too long when we get there.”

Aira laughed at the way Kohaku had stated it before being quickly pulled into a hug by the two of them. 

“You’re feeling better, right, Aira?” Hiiro asked him. 

“Much better,” He answered in all honesty. He didn’t know if it was just because of having his boyfriends spend the night and offering their support, but his mind was clear and he was feeling incredibly energized, more than he had in quite some time. It was a strange analogy, but Aira felt the same sort of open, new feeling that he felt after taking a long shower and then going outside while a warm breeze was blowing through his still-wet hair. He was still slightly nervous about what Eichi would say to him or how upset he might be, but knowing he had the support of both his boyfriends, and Rei, and Wataru, let him know things would end up okay. 

Aira gave Hiiro a kiss, Hiiro kissed Kohaku, and Kohaku kissed him, his kiss not feeling much like a goodbye kiss but more like a let’s stay here a while kiss (which was mildly frustrating as they did in fact need to go). They headed out, Kohaku walking with them to ES, saying he needed to stop by CosPro’s office anyways. They split ways after Hiiro and Aira reached their destination on the elevator, waving at Kohaku as the lift door closed. 

Mayoi and Tatsumi were already in the practice room warming up when they arrived. After Aira had changed and returned to place his bag down next to the others, he noticed a bouquet of flowers on top of Tatsumi’s bag. 

“Oh, they’re for Eichi-san.” Tatsumi said when he noticed Aira staring. “It was Hajime-san’s idea that all of us in Flavor get him something nice to look at while he’s in the hospital.”

“That’s a good idea,” Aira said. He wondered if he should also bring a gift, but had no idea what would be good.

“Actually, I had hoped to ask a favor of you, Aira-san.” Tatsumi said as he got up from where he had been stretching on the floor. “I had been asked to deliver this to him, but I have to head straight to the shoot right after we get done here. Is there any way you could bring these to Eichi-san for us?” 

“I was planning on going to visit him after practice,” Aira told him. “It’s not a problem at all!”

Tatsumi gave him his thanks, and then the four got to work. They had been given a new song a week or so ago and Mayoi’s choreography was, as usual, wonderful yet exhausting. By the end of their practice session, Aira felt like he had a good grip on the routine, though he knew he’d need to work a lot to polish it up. Hiiro and Tatsumi headed out first to ride together to the shoot, Mayoi leaving quickly after to head back to his room to shower. Aira pulled out his phone, checking to make sure no one had texted him. He pulled up his very short conversation with Rei and quickly messaged,

“I want to bring Tenshouin-senpai something, what do you think would make him happy?”

He realized as soon as he hit send that he had no idea what time it was for Rei or if he would even respond. It was worth a shot, anyways. Instead of heading back to the dorms, Aira used the showers next to the practice rooms, spent a little too long trying to get his hair to behave, and then headed back into the elevator, flowers in hand. 

There weren’t as many people in ES that day as it was the weekend, but the lobby wasn’t so devoid of people that it was unsettlingly quiet. Even if it had been a weekday during normal working hours and there had been dozens of people chatting, Aira would have been able to hear Subaru calling for him from the main entrance of ES.

“Aira, ya~ho!” Subaru waved to him, gaining a few stares as he bounded towards him. “I ran into Ayapii and he said you might still be here!”

“Mayo-san?” Aira asked, a little amused by Subaru’s nickname. “You were looking for me?”

“Yeah, are you going to visit Eichi-senpai?” Subaru nodded at the flowers in his hand. “Can you bring something from Trickstar to him?”

Out of his jacket pocket, Subaru pulled out an envelope, the corners only slightly bent from having been carried in such a way. He passed it to Aira, who slipped it into his bag.

“It’s a card from all of us, but none of us would be able to properly deliver it to him for a few days,” Subaru explained. “I wasn’t at the meeting, ‘cause Hokke said it was better if me and Ukki stayed out of it, but he said that Eichi-senpai was willing to do anything to make sure that the deal didn’t fall through. And, yanno, we all feel bad that it was pretty much our fault that he had to end up in the hospital again.”

“That’s what Isara-senpai told me,” Aira said. “But Tenshouin-senpai would do anything for idols, especially his friends, so it’s not really that unlike him to ignore his own health for you guys.”

Aira zipped up his bag and looked back up at Subaru, who was watching him with a smile.

“Eichi-senpai’s really lucky to have a roommate like you,” He stated. “A lot of people only see one side of him, but there’s waaay more to him than just what’s on the surface.” 

“Yeah, he’s become a really good friend,” Aira said, smiling at the fact that he could feel comfortable saying that about one of the idols he had admired most with full confidence. 

“He’s really fun, isn’t he?” Subaru beamed. “One time he stayed the night at my house and he said that was the first time he had ever stayed at someone else’s house besides Hasumi-senpai’s. My mom keeps asking when he’s going to come back over, though, heh.”

Aira tried for a moment to imagine Eichi lounging in his childhood room and having dinner with his parents like he would with some of his friends in middle school. It didn’t quite work, his imagination was having a hard time putting these things together. His parents did say he should bring some of his friends home with him on one of the weekends he visited…

Subaru told Aira he had to be off, and with a quick thanks for delivering the card and a promise to see each other later, Subaru set off towards the elevators. 

Aira’s phone vibrated; Rei had actually responded, “air in hospital is dry. chapstick or lotion.”

Aira blinked, it was kind of a random thing to give as a gift, but it did make sense. He made a quick stop into the nearest convenience store, pushing back his default thoughts of a discount brand of hand lotion not being good enough, and then finally headed off towards the hospital. 

-

Eichi was sitting up when Aira entered his room, still quite pale and wan but smiling at him all the same behind his oxygen mask. A nurse seemed to be finishing up changing out one of his IV bags, giving Aira a polite bow when she saw him enter.

“I didn’t know you had a little brother, Tenshouin-sama,” The nurse commented as she put a few things back onto her cart.

“Fufu, he won’t call me “onii-chan,” anymore, though,” Eichi laughed gently. 

“He’s not my brother!” Aira squeaked. At least if Eichi was laughing and making jokes, that was a good sign.

The nurse left, pushing her cart and giving the two another bow. Aira approached the bed, fumbling to open his bag with one hand. 

“I’m very happy that you came, Shiratori-kun,” Eichi told him. Looking at the bouquet in his hand, he added, “You didn’t have to bring me anything.”

“So, these are from the members of Flavor,” He handed the flowers over to Eichi, then fished the envelope that had sunk all the way to the bottom of his bag along with the chapstick and small bottle of lotion to give to him as well. “And this is from Trickstar, and then these are from me.”

Both hands full with gifts, Eichi couldn’t help but to laugh to himself as he struggled slightly to set them onto his bedside table. “Thank you for bringing them, then,” He kept the chapstick in hand, moving the mask aside so he could apply it liberally. “Thank you especially for this, my skin is always so dry here and anything that the nurses offer just smells too much like the hospital for me to enjoy.”

“Sakuma-senpai actually suggested that,” Aira said as he pulled a chair closer. “I know you said I didn’t need to bring you anything but I wanted to.”

“It’s very appreciated,” Eichi slid his oxygen mask back over his nose and mouth and set the chapstick next to the flowers. “So…”

The cheerful mood suddenly was overshadowed by a sense of awkwardness. Neither of them really wanted to start talking about It, but it was the whole reason why Eichi had called Aira and asked for him to come. Aira, normally in this situation, would wait for Eichi to say something first, let him initiate what was sure to be an uncomfortable conversation. Yet Aira was feeling different that day, he felt more confident and not as scared, and he wanted them to face this.

“Senpai, um…” Aira wasn’t really sure where to start, but he did know he had to ask this before anything else. “The text I sent you, it wasn’t because of it that you…?”

“That I ended up in here?” Something about Aira’s question made Eichi smile. “I know my body’s not the strongest, but do you really think I’m that weak?”

“I don’t know!” Aira knew Eichi was teasing him, but it was something he had been very worried about. “You didn’t come back after I sent it and then I found out the day after that you collapsed, so I— I thought it was because of me…” 

“It wasn’t.” Eichi said. “It did give me quite a shock…to know that you had found out about that, but…if anything, it gave me a push to fight for Trickstar’s collaboration all the more.”

“So you did see it at the meeting…” Aira mumbled. “I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t have seen it at all…I didn’t actually mean to tell you like that, I wasn’t thinking about anything I was typing and just…you know, not thinking.”

Eichi nodded, not looking directly at Aira but slightly off to his left. 

“I actually came to visit yesterday,” Aira continued, trying to keep his voice steady. “Hibiki-senpai was here too and he told me that you were afraid of me finding out about everything in the past and hating you, but, I don’t, senpai, I really don’t hate you or anything.” 

Eichi’s hands were slowly messing with the hem of one of the bedsheets; he opened his mouth to say something, but reconsidered and closed it. Finally, he said very bluntly, “I can’t imagine that there isn’t some part of you that despises me for what I did.”

“…When I first found out, I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling,” Aira said, recalling how he had felt waking up the morning after he had talked to Wataru and Tsumugi. “It didn’t make sense, and I didn’t want to believe it. Of course all of those things…it really hurt to hear about them, and at the time I didn’t know how to face you after that without just thinking about everything that had happened.”

Aira also remembered that day he had wondered how Eichi would react if he asked him about it. He had been feeling so overwhelmed and confused that he found his thoughts going to a more negative place then, almost wanting to see Eichi respond poorly and show remorse and cry. He had quickly snapped out of it, mad that he had been thinking thoughts like those that he didn’t actually mean. Now, in that very moment he had envisioned, Eichi still not looking at him and blinking away tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes, Aira was almost glad that he had been too scared to say anything about it to Eichi before. He had a lot of time between then and now to think about how he felt about everything, and a lot of time to become closer friends with him. 

“But, the things you did in the past aren't all there is to you, and it’s not the Tenshouin-senpai that I’ve lived with.” Aira went on, repeating what he had told to Rei when asked if he still felt comfortable living with them. “I don’t understand why you hurt so many people and I probably never will, but I know that’s not the way you feel now and that you don’t agree with the things you did. So…I really mean it when I say I don’t hate you.”

He was a little proud of himself for saying all of those things without messing up his words or starting to cry. He stood up and wrapped his arms around Eichi, albeit a bit slowly, as he had to navigate around various tubing and monitoring wires. The older man returned his hug, burying his face into Aira’s shoulder and gripping the back of his shirt tightly. 

Aira let Eichi be the one to pull back first, looking away to act as if he didn’t see Eichi quickly wipe at his eyes with his sleeve. He sat back in his chair as Eichi took a drink from the glass of water on his bedside table. 

“I, ah…” Eichi cleared his throat. “I had hoped that the things I had done…that they were finally being buried and that they wouldn’t hurt anyone else. It’s something I can never escape or fully atone for, but if everyone else could progress and heal, that would have been more than enough.” He moved the mask aside again so he could take another drink. “It’s incredibly selfish, but I had hoped that you would never find out. Even right now, with you saying you don’t hate me, I know it was still painful for you to learn about it. I really…especially you, Shiratori-kun, I didn’t want to be the cause of any more nightmares for anyone else. I want to give people pleasant dreams.”

“But you do,” Aira said. “Alkaloid wouldn’t exist if you didn’t put us together, or fine, or StarPro and ES at all! And it’s not selfish, but…I found out and I’m okay. So…you know, like how you and Sakuma-senpai are moving forward, or even like you and Hibiki-senpai or Hasumi-senpai, we can keep going forward, too.”

Eichi seemed to ponder his words for a moment. “Somehow you seem more grown up today,” he said, a small smile back on his face. 

“I do?” Aira sat up a little straighter; he knew he had felt more confident about things from the moment he woke up, but hearing it acknowledged was incredibly affirming.

Eichi chuckled at his enthusiasm. “You do. Thank you. Shiratori-kun, thank you, for everything.”

Aira couldn’t help but swing his legs a little, incredibly pleased with himself that their conversation was going so much less painful than he ever could have imagined. 

“I do have to ask, though, how you even found out about it in the first place,” Eichi shifted slightly in the bed. “It’s not something many people at Yumenosaki would have been around for anymore.”

“Um, it was kind of a weird series of events?” Aira recalled. “I had heard a bit about the five eccentrics a little before I even came to Yumenosaki but hadn’t really thought about it until…there were a few days where I kept running into all of them and they kept asking me about— Ohhh.” Realization hit Aira abruptly as he remembered that Natsume and Kanata had been asking about Rei, while Wataru had been asking why Eichi might have been unusually distracted. It hadn’t really registered that what he had overheard Wataru telling Eichi about teasing Rei was the aftermath of that.

“Uh, so I remembered the name and tried looking it up online but couldn’t find anything, and I kept meaning to ask and never did…” He trailed off as he realized something else. “You don’t think Sakuma-senpai told me?”

“He doesn’t like talking about it almost as much as I do,” Eichi said. “I can’t think of a reason he would start talking to you about it out of the blue, or am I incorrect?”

“He only told me details after he knew I had found out about it already.” Aira told him. “He didn’t want me to know either. Sakasaki-senpai was going to tell me, but Sakuma-senpai told him not to and I guess they got in a fight about it or something.”

“Why would Sakasaki-kun want to tell you that?”

“I think, um, he was mad about you and Sakuma-senpai being together?” Aira said awkwardly. He could swear he saw Eichi roll his eyes. “But he didn’t, and then Hibiki-senpai told me sort of why Sakasaki-senpai was acting like that, but he only told me about the eccentrics themselves and that Sakuma-senpai didn’t want me to find out about it.”

“I’ll have to have a talk with Wataru later, but alright,” Eichi crossed his arms over his chest as he sighed.

“So then Aoba-senpai-“ (Eichi did make some sort of face when Aira said his name, but he couldn’t read what kind of expression it was) “-started talking about it after I asked, but even he didn’t mention names because he got why Sakuma-senpai didn’t want me to know. But then he left and I started thinking about all of it and…I figured out that you were the only person that could have…yeah.”

Eichi nodded, having no response for that.

“So then the next day Sakuma-senpai told me that Hibiki-senpai told him and he let me ask him a million questions and told me more of his side of what happened.” Aira finished. “You’re not mad at Sakuma-senpai for telling me, are you?”

“Not really,” Eichi said. “Of all the people you mentioned, he was probably the best to hear it from.”

“That’s good,” Aira said. “Because him and everyone else kept saying that he didn’t want me to find out because I’d be upset, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t want me to know because you would be upset.”

Eichi smiled but he looked away as he did. “Is that so?” He asked quietly as he tried not to look too pleased. 

“And he only didn’t tell you that I knew because I asked him not to.” He added. “I didn’t know how to talk about it or bring it up and I wanted to, but I was really scared because it’s uncomfortable and I knew you would be sad. I wanted to, one day, but…not like how I did.”

“That’s understandable,” The older man said, leaning back into the bed a bit. “This…is very uncomfortable, but in a way, I’m glad we’re talking about it.”

“Me too,” Aira agreed. “Senpai, if…do you think that one day you would want to tell me your side of the story?”

The question seemed to take Eichi off guard as he shifted again, looking away quickly. It seemed like his whole body had tensed. “I’m sorry, Shiratori-kun, but I don’t think—“

“That’s okay!” Aira quickly assured. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“…Thank you.” Eichi let out a breath. “One day, perhaps, I would be more open to the idea, but right now I don’t think I could handle telling you everything I’ve done.”

“That’s fine,” Aira said again. “Um, now that we got all of that out of the way, are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” Eichi laid back a bit more, but moved onto his side the best that he could so he could face Aira. “Did something happen since I’ve been in here? You’ve been more calm than I have about this.”

“I’m kind of surprised at myself, too,” the boy admitted. “Nothing happened, but I think after talking with Hibiki-senpai yesterday, and then Hiro and Kohakucchi and Sakuma-senpai sort of, I just…I knew I could talk to you like this, and I felt like things would be okay and that it wouldn’t cause anything bad to happen with our friendship.”

“I hope you keep that confidence with you as you move forward in life. Of course Shiratori-kun can do anything.” Eichi laughed gently. “On another note, it’s only been two days since I’ve been here, hasn’t it? I hope it isn’t too lonely for you with both myself and Sakuma-kun gone.”

“Oh, well, Hiro and Kohakucchi stayed with me last night, so—“ Aira cut himself off as he realized a second too late that maybe he should have kept that to himself.

Eichi looked incredibly amused, staring at Aira with a self-satisfied smile. “I see~”

“No, no, it wasn’t like that!” Aira quickly tried to defend himself, face red. “I was sad and we watched movies and it was pure! Don’t make it weird!”

“I didn’t say a thing,” Eichi hummed.

Doing the only thing Aira could think of that might get a similar reaction from Eichi, he retaliated, “Have you been talking with Sakuma-senpai while you’ve been here?”

Of course the comment didn’t fluster Eichi in the slightest, and he picked up his phone without even a hint of anticipation. “I’m not really supposed to be on my phone; I’ll just start checking things for work and end up getting stressed again. Mm, but Sakuma-kun hates using the phone so I don't expect him to start using it now.”

“You should at least try to text him,” Aira pointed out, relieved that the subject had shifted off of him. “I bet it would make him happy to hear from you. He responded to my texts after a while, so it’s not like he’s not checking his phone at all.”

Eichi seemed to think about Aira’s words for a moment. “You mentioned he was the one who suggested what to bring me?” Aira nodded. “Fufu…I’d be surprised if he told you this, but the first time that Sakuma-kun and I properly had a conversation, I ended up collapsing in front of him and having to be admitted here.” 

“He didn’t tell me that!” Aira said, happy to listen to whatever (not upsetting) crumbs of Eichi and Rei’s past that they would tell him.

“It was actually incredibly embarrassing,” Eichi admitted. “He came to visit later that day because he felt responsible, even though it was just my body not used to Yumenosaki’s lessons yet. A lot of my first year, actually, was spent in the hospital.” 

“Did he visit more than that one time?” 

“He did a few times that year, not that he was supposed to.” The older man said. “I suppose that was before we came to consider the other an enemy.” 

“What do you mean he wasn’t supposed to?” Asked Aira. 

“Ah, at that time, the list of people who I allowed to visit was incredibly small,” Eichi recalled. “Though he always came after visiting hours were over, so it didn’t really matter if he was approved or not.”

“He would sneak in to see you?!” Aira’s eyes widened. “That’s really sweet! And you’re sure you weren’t dating back then?”

“I don’t know why you’re so insistent that we were,” Eichi pulled his sheets a little bit closer. 

As much as Aira wanted to keep asking - because in his mind, there was no way that Rei would sneak in multiple times to see Eichi if something wasn’t going on - he didn’t want to press the subject if it was making Eichi uncomfortable. With what Wataru had said the day before when he had asked a similar question, he hadn’t completely given up on the idea. 

“It sounds nice, anyway.” Aira settled on. “Do you know how long you’ll be here?”

“Hopefully just another day or so, though I have a feeling I’ll be made to stay a little longer.” He said somewhat plaintively. “The cooler it gets outside, the more precautions they get.”

“I can come visit again,” Aira told him. “Um, not Tuesday, because Alkaloid has that music show, but any other day is fine!”

“Can you bring the recording?” Eichi asked him. “I know I could watch it live, but I’d like it if I could watch it with you.”

“Yeah, of course!” Aira smiled. That gave him the idea to bring a couple of things that might make Eichi feel a bit happier during his stay, but he would let that be a surprise. 

He stayed that day for about an hour longer with him, not really talking about anything in particular. It was as if they hadn’t been talking about something incredibly upsetting just a few minutes prior, which was good, because they had been. They talked about it and nothing changed between them. Aira still wasn’t sure why he woke up that day feeling like everything would be fine, but he was so incredibly glad that he listened to it.

-

Eichi looked a little sullen when Aira left that day, but he promised him he would come back the next for a little bit. 

Not even two hours after he left, he received a text from Eichi, “This is also why I haven’t bothered texting him (attachment1.jpg)”

Aira clicked on the picture to see a screenshot of a text that Eichi had sent Rei (that he had sent, according to the timestamp, right after Aira had left the hospital). Eichi was asking if Rei was doing okay, hoping that what he was having to deal with wasn’t as stressful as he anticipated, and letting him know that Aira had visited him. In response to Eichi’s (admittedly lengthy) text, Rei has simply replied with,

“i’m ok”

Aira actually laughed out loud at Rei’s response, knowing almost with one hundred percent certainty that he wasn’t being dismissive but that’s just how he texted. He backed out of his messages with Eichi and opened his conversation with Rei, 

“Thank you for advice about a gift! Tenshouin-senpai was happy to hear from you :)”

A few hours later, as he lounged on the couch, head on Hiiro’s shoulder, he got a reply, “i see im being talked about,” which made Aira laugh again.

Aira came by to visit the next day, though Eichi looked a bit more tired and talking seemed to take more of his energy. The following day, Eichi texted him that he couldn’t have any visitors for a while and would let him know if he was able to come back. Upon asking why, Eichi had said that he was having a bad flare up (of what specifically, he didn’t say, but Aira wasn’t going to ask) and his doctors were concerned about bacteria from outside the hospital making its way inside. Aira sent back that they could reschedule watching the music program together, maybe even watching it when he was back in the dorm.

The music show came and went without any issues, Alkaloid performed two of their songs and chatted with the hosts and everyone seemed to enjoy them as guests. A few more days passed, Aira would text Eichi sporadically to ask how he was doing and Eichi would respond that he was still bored. Because he knew that Eichi was stuck in there with probably no one to talk to, he begrudgingly excused the near nightly texts from him, asking if Hiiro and Kohaku were spending the night again (they were) and teasing him for taking advantage of him and Rei being gone (he was). 

The following Monday, Aira passed by Ritsu in the hallway during lunch. The older boy said he had been back for a couple days, but Rei was still stuck in Romania for the time being, though he was trying to get out of his duties as quickly as he could. He didn’t go into details on what he or Rei had been doing there, and Aira didn’t ask because he knew Ritsu wouldn’t give him a straight answer. 

Also on that day, Eichi texted that he could have visitors again, but told Aira not to worry about rushing over after school as he predicted both Keito and Wataru would be coming by. The two agreed that Friday would be best for Aira to come, and he told him he would bring things for them to watch. 

The rest of the week went by mostly uneventfully, a few tests here and there, not hearing anything from Rei and getting mostly the same sort of bored texts from Eichi. With the exception of a few nights, both Hiiro and Kohaku had stayed with Aira the entire time, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he would be able to go back to how it was before. They were very obviously just having an extended sleepover, but Aira wondered if that’s how it would feel when he could finally live with them for real. It was honestly incredibly mundane in that all they did was homework, watch movies or shows, play a game here and there, and go to sleep, but it was a comforting sort of mundane.   

Friday finally came, and Aira raced back to the dorm to change and pick up his laptop. He was happy that Eichi looked much more healthy, most of his IVs removed and not even needing oxygen anymore. Aira plugged in his laptop and set it down at the end of the bed. Eichi, thankfully, did not comment on Aira’s Eden wallpaper. 

“You won’t be able to see from there, will you?” Eichi asked as Aira pulled one of the chairs closer. “Come sit with me on the bed.”

“Is that okay?” Aira paused in his tracks. 

“It’s perfectly fine,” Eichi said, scooting over to his left even more. With a mischievous smile he added, “Or can you not share a bed with anyone else now that you’ve gotten so used to your partners every night?”

Aira grumbled as he climbed into the bed. “I hope you know the second you get out of the hospital I’m going to start complaining every time you say something like that.” 

“I’m looking forward to it~” 

First Aira pulled up the website for the music program that Alkaloid had appeared on, showing the clips of them performing plus one of the host segments. Eichi had said that he was proud of him, and that his dancing had improved even in the short time since he had last seen him perform. Then Aira switched to his videos folder where he had set aside a couple files of various lives from the past year or so that he hadn’t gotten to watch yet. 

He remembered that he had also brought along some of the biscuits that Eichi had kept in the dorm, the ones with the swirl-shaped pattern that he liked with his tea. Setting the tin between the two of them, the two started going through the videos. Some of them were short thirty minute long music programs like the one Alkaloid had been on, yet others that he had downloaded were full live shows, well over an hour and a half long each. They had agreed to only watch one of the long ones, but one turned into three (or four? They kind of started blending together) and the hospital bed really wasn’t all that uncomfortable to recline on…

…and then he blinked and somehow it was pitch black outside the windows. He swore that just a second ago they had been watching Knights but now it was (embarrassingly enough) one of Alkaloid’s earliest lives on the screen. 

“Is it already late?” He asked sleepily as he fumbled around for whatever his phone had gone. 

“Hmm?” Eichi didn’t even turn his head away from the screen. Aira wondered if he had even noticed that he fell asleep. 

Aira finally found his phone under one of the sheets, and after blinking to refocus his eyes a few times, he saw that it was past 9:30, well past when visiting hours would have ended. 

“Uah!” Aira flailed a bit as he tried to sit up, struggling in his half asleep state. “I need to leave, they’re going to kick me out…”

“Who’s doing what?” Eichi asked, only then looking away from the laptop and realizing Aira was panicking. He pressed pause, then looked downwards at the time. “They won’t kick you out. Mm, some of the older nurses might fuss at you when you leave, though…”

“I don’t like being fussed at!” Aira slipped off the bed and started getting his things together.

“I’m really grateful that you came, Shiratori-kun.” Eichi smiled gently as he watched Aira. “This was a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad!” Aira paused his frantic repacking. “And you should be back soon, right?”

“I think they’ll let me out on Sunday,” Eichi said as if he were talking about being in prison. 

Aira jumped suddenly as a knock came at the door before being opened, and he hurried to throw his bag over his shoulder and mentally prepared an apology for whoever came in. However, instead of a nurse coming to check on Eichi, in walked a slightly weary looking Rei, who didn’t look very surprised to see Aira there as well. 

“Senpai!” Aira exclaimed happily. 

“How many people did you make angry by leaving so soon?” Eichi asked. Although it wasn’t as evident on his face, Aira could see from his eyes that Eichi was quite delighted that the other man was there. 

“Some,” Rei shrugged, closing the door behind him and coming closer to the bed. 

“Did you just get back?” Aira asked him. 

“I stopped by the room first to put my bags down,” Rei said. “Shiratori-kun, you have a lot more pillows on your bed than I remember you having when I left.”

“Ah, it’s awful how he’s taken advantage of us leaving, you know,” Eichi started. “Sakuma-kun, has he told you the things he’s been doing in our room?”

“I’m going now! Go kiss or something!” Aira turned quickly and hurried out the door before either of them could comment any more about the matter. 

As he headed down the elevator and out into the cool night air (only noticing one slightly annoyed glance from a nurse as he passed the desk), he pulled out his phone and prepared to text Kohaku and Hiiro that they wouldn’t be staying the night that night and would need to come get their things. Then again, he figured one more night would be just fine; much like when Eichi had been in the hospital before, Aira had a gut feeling that Rei wouldn’t return until the morning. 

Chapter Text

Aira rarely had problems falling asleep at night, making it all the more frustrating when it did happen. He could understand if he had something stressful on his mind that he kept focusing on, or if there was something exciting happening the next day, but no. It was just an average Wednesday night. 

He knew that just staring at his phone wouldn’t help, listening to music didn’t really help him relax, and he didn’t keep any books to read in his dorm aside from his textbooks. He tried moving his pillows this way and that, rolling onto his side, onto his stomach, after a while it all became uncomfortable. He was restless in a way he couldn’t explain, like he could have been doing something better than just laying in bed, wasting his time. The only noises in the room came from Eichi’s slow breathing and Aira’s laptop’s fans (it had started whirring louder five? twenty? minutes ago, probably from installing that update he had been putting off for almost two weeks now), and it was much too quiet and too loud at the same time.

So he got up, quietly pulled on a hoodie and sweatpants over his pajamas, and headed out to take a walk.

The weather had gotten much cooler, especially after sunset, but Aira enjoyed the sudden chill as he stepped out into the night. A calm breeze was blowing and leaves were dancing on the ground around him, their gentle skittering over the pavement the only sound he could hear…aside from the faint music coming from somewhere nearby. 

Curious, Aira followed the music, heading back behind the dorms. Not many people went there, mostly just the members of Gardenia who had moved some of their plants there instead of the hanging gardens. He found Rei standing between two beds of vegetables, playing his violin for an audience of a few tables and empty lawn chairs. Not wanting to interrupt, Aira walked more slowly, careful not to crunch on too many leaves, before settling down into one of the chairs. 

“I’m not ignoring you,” Rei said softly as he continued playing. “Just let me finish.”

Aira nodded even though he didn’t think Rei would see, watching him play with complete fascination. He knew Rei played several instruments but he didn’t think he had ever seen him play the violin in person. The way his body swayed with the music was almost like a dance in of itself, and as Rei played the last long note, Aira felt a strange chill run up his spine.

After a pause to appreciate the silence after the music, Rei removed the violin from its place on his shoulder and turned to where Aira was sitting. 

“It’s Bruch,” Rei told him. It took Aira a moment to understand he meant that was the name of the composer. “Not one I’ve played in a while.”

“You had all of that memorized?!” Aira said, realizing the only thing Rei had sitting out on the ground was his violin case, no sheet music or anything else. “I thought you were just…you know, playing.”

“My improvisational skills aren’t quite at that level,” Rei chuckled gently as he knelt down to place his violin back in its case. “I feel I’m decent at composing, but just playing without an idea of where it’s going isn’t something I really enjoy.”

“You write all of Undead’s music, right?” Aira asked, watching Rei handle the instrument with as much care as one might hold a newborn. 

“I haven’t been writing as much lately,” Rei stopped to think. “In the beginning I wrote all of our music, but recently we’ve had some other people compose for us. But, even if it’s someone else’s composition, if the music requires piano or violin, it’s me playing it on the album. That I won’t compromise on.”

“I could barely read music before I came to Yumenosaki,” Aira stated in comparison. He had said it halfway as a joke, but he was reminded that even though Rei was only a few years older and the two had gotten much closer as friends, he sometimes seemed worlds apart from him. 

“Kukuku, I certainly hope you’ve become a bit better since then,” Rei snapped shut the case and straightened up. “An idol not being able to read music is heresy, in my opinion.” 

“I’ve gotten a lot better…Um, you’re not stopping because of me, are you?” The blonde asked.

“Somewhat?” Rei answered. “If you hadn’t come along, there’s no telling how long I’d be here. I tend to lose track of time when I’m playing, and it’s been quite a while since I played just for my own enjoyment, not for work or to distract myself from how stressed I’m feeling.”

“That’s good that it’s not because you’re stressed,” Aira pulled the neck of his hoodie a bit closer as the breeze picked up a bit. 

“And why are you out so late?” The older man asked him. “It’s not like you to be wandering around in the dark.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged. “I don’t even know why, but I can’t.”

“Alkaloid is getting steady work lately, but it’s not getting to be too much for you, is it?” Rei asked, his concern sounding almost parental in tone. 

“Not at all!” Aira replied. It was true that they had been getting more and more jobs lately - requests to be on variety shows, modeling gigs, a few music programs…very few actual lives, however. The recording for music programs were fine, but Aira definitely had to get used to performing without an audience cheering and waving penlights. Somehow the thought of messing up in front of the camera during a live broadcast was more intimidating than potentially messing up in front of a crowd. Even their practices had become less frequent, and Aira found himself missing the satisfying exhaustion that came after throwing himself into practice for a few hours. 

“Are you sure?” Rei asked. Aira knew his face had shown how he felt thinking about the lack of lives. 

“It’s not too much work,” Aira said, hand running along the strings of his hoodie. “I like that we’re getting all sorts of different opportunities, but I do miss actually performing for people. There were a few months where it seemed like we were constantly doing lives, but now it’s kind of anything but.” 

“I can understand,” Rei stared up at the night sky, Aira following his gaze. ES and the areas surrounding it were usually pretty well lit, even at night, but a few stars could still be visible. “You can have a director tell you that you’ve done a good job and see the numbers from merch sales rise, but it doesn’t mean that much in comparison to the energy you get from performing for an audience.”

“Exactly!” Aira was almost relieved that Rei had been able to put it into words. “I just feel kind of like…it’s all pent up inside me. Lives are something super important to me and it’s like…something’s missing when I don’t get to actually interact with fans.” He paused and thought for a moment, “That’s not self centered to say, right? Like, I don’t want to sound like I need to see a bunch of fans to make myself feel better…”

“As a fan of idols yourself, I’m sure you can appreciate when someone you admire wants to make that connection with their fans.” Rei looked back at Aira and smiled. “If I go too long without playing music, I end up feeling incredibly wound up. It’s a good stress relief for me, but also causes me stress if it’s been too long.”

Aira nodded, completely relating to Rei’s statement. He felt happiest when he was singing and dancing and sharing his feelings with an audience. 

“Is your unit not receiving offers for lives? I’m sure the young miss would be more than happy to find some possibilities for you if you ask.”

“We…I haven’t asked.” Aira said. He hadn’t talked to his unit mates about it to know if they were feeling the same way he was. He couldn’t imagine that at least Hiiro wasn’t starting to feel restless without performing in front of others. “I didn’t want Anzu-san to think I was being ungrateful for asking for something else after she’s given us so many other jobs.”

“You’ve worked with her long enough to know she would think nothing of the sort,” The older man set his violin case back down onto one of the garden tables. “However, I can ask Kaoru-kun to get in contact with Amagi-kun about performing at the live house his family owns; it’s become a much nicer place than how I described it being a couple years ago.”

“That would be so love~ly!” Aira’s eyes shone. “Thank you so much!!”

“In the meantime, to get you through the night…” He opened the case back up and retrieved his violin and bow. “Don’t get upset if I make a few mistakes here and there, but Kaoru-kun plays this song almost every time I’ve been in his car, so I should have it about right…” He placed the violin onto his shoulder and began to start playing a slightly slower version of Hysteric Humanoid. 

Aira had heard a few people covering Alkaloid’s songs on Nico before and it blew his mind every single time, but hearing one of their songs like this was an entirely new experience. He sat in silence, mouth agape, watching Rei play their song as if he had done it a million times before. 

Rei peered over at Aira, and the boy realized- “Do you want me to perform right now?!”

“Humor an old man?” Rei smiled as he continued to play. “Since we’re in different agencies, we very rarely get the chance to share the stage.”

The garden could hardly be considered a stage and Aira hadn’t stretched or properly warmed up his vocal cords in a few days, but he still found himself standing up. He felt just a bit shy about suddenly dancing and singing in the almost-empty garden in the middle of the night, but the feeling he had building up inside from hearing Rei play overshadowed any uncertainties he had. He stood in position, waiting for Rei to reach the beginning of the second verse, passing over Mayoi’s line so he could turn and start into the moves that had become so familiar to him— 

“We’re stuck in the same lot…”

-

When Aira first moved to the old building of the dorms, he had only brought a few of his idol goods from home - a couple small posters, mostly, and a few can badges he had stuck to his bags. When he moved into his current dorm, he would occasionally bring a bit more of his collection every time he went to visit his parents, but he never put much more up than those two tiny posters. Seeing that Rei and Eichi had both decorated their areas very simply, he was a little wary to put up a bunch of posters and flyers and have all of his keychains and such on display.

His roommates must have sensed his hesitation as they had both made comments - multiple times - about not minding if he had his merch out, with Eichi even pointing to a rolled up poster that had been leaning against his bed for weeks and asking what was the purpose of him buying it if he wasn’t going to use it. Eventually Aira gave in and put up more of his goods, even buying a cork board to display all of his badges and pen lights and ticket stubs. Rei had looked at his progress and told him that, after seeing his own messy room at his family’s house, Aira shouldn’t have any worries about having the things he enjoyed out on display. 

However, Eichi and Rei didn’t know that Aira was still holding back quite a lot, and adding the cork board and a few more posters was nothing compared to his room at his parents’ house. 

Sometimes Aira also forgot just how much he had, just how many little things he had collected over the years. While his parents would sometimes give him a look of “this is what you’re spending your money on?” when he would bring home more merch, they were never rude to him about it, which made him feel okay about having it out all over his room. Whenever he would visit his parents over a weekend, his mom would tell him he should go through some of it and take some back to the dorms with him. Every time he came, she reminded him that they were thinking about moving and weren’t going to be the ones to pack up all of his stuff.

Of course he hadn’t made any sort of progress on this, only bringing back a couple little things and maybe a few items of clothing here and there. Finally, the day came when his dad texted and said they had made an offer on a house, and not long after a text from his mom saying that he would need to come back soon and get it packed up so they could move it to their new house. Aira knew that it would be something that would take him the entire weekend at least and hated that he had put it off as long as he did. 

Luckily, he had two boyfriends who were more than willing to help! 

Kohaku had never met Aira’s parents, and Hiiro had only met his mom in passing a handful of times when she had come to a few of Alkaloid’s lives. Of course, she knew Hiiro as just his unit leader and Kohaku as just his friend, and that's how things were going to stay for the time being. Aira was more than a little nervous about bringing the two to his house, even after they both assured him that they wouldn’t mention anything about being in a relationship. 

(Talking to his roommate about the serious hurts he caused others? Sure, no problem, he could handle that. Talking to his parents about his own sexuality? Too much, something he would put off as long as he could.)

They took the train to his parents’ house after he and Hiiro got out of school for the day. Aira fully intended to have them sort through things as quickly as possible so that he wouldn’t have time to second guess any decisions about putting something in a pile to bring to a second hand shop to sell, but unfortunately things didn’t pan out that way. He and Kohaku got caught up reminiscing over idols as they pulled down posters from the wall, sharing their memories and experiences with Hiiro. Aira’s “to sell” pile hadn’t grown much, but he had started a “give to Kohaku” pile which was getting much bigger. This was prompted by Kohaku finding a coaster from a collaboration cafe that, years ago, he had told Aira he would do anything to get his hands on, only for Aira to send him a picture after he had obtained said coaster, causing Kohaku to block Aira from messaging him for a full three hours out of anger. 

A lot of the goods that Aira had were of the idols that had become his friends, and the three enjoyed seeing these younger, less polished versions of them. A big portion of it was Knights’s old merch, some of it not featuring either Leo or Tsukasa depending on how old it was. He told Hiiro that Knights had been one of the first units he had really fallen for, trying to go to as many of their lives as possible and learning all of the dances from their MVs. He had a lot of Eden’s old merch as well, a good bit of Eve’s, but not so much of Adam’s. He found a lot of his old flyers from the bigger DreFes that had been open to non-students and started a pile of “things to bring back to show people.” He wondered if this sort of thing would be interesting to show Rei or Eichi, especially Eichi. He hadn’t really seen him have any mementos of fine’s old lives and figured he might like to have some.

Aira’s mom had made them dinner, and as they sat around the table together making small talk, even with both of his boyfriends promising not to say a word about their relationship, he still found himself worrying that she was just going to know. In hindsight, he didn’t even know why he was scared - his parents hadn’t ever been unsupportive of him - but he didn’t know how they would react at all and that was scary. He was happy that neither of them were upset when he asked them to keep quiet about it, they both respected his wishes without questioning it. 

When they returned back to his room, they took a break from sorting through merch and instead went to pack up his clothes and books, which was progressing much faster until Hiiro found old pictures from Aira in elementary and middle school. Any attempts made to snatch the pictures from his or Kohaku’s hands were in vain, and eventually he gave up and suffered through the two making comments as they looked through them. As they carefully flipped through them, Aira remembered that neither of them had the stereotypical childhood he had as they asked questions or pointed out things in the picture that Aira thought were incredibly mundane and obvious.

Aira’s bed in his room was even smaller than the one in the dorm, so when it was time for bed, Aira brought every blanket he could find to lay onto the floor and make a nice space for them to sleep on. There was still a good bit that he had to sort through and pack up, but they had made good progress, and he felt very accomplished as he drifted off to sleep in between them. 

It only took them until the following afternoon to have everything in his room boxed up and ready to be moved to his parents’ new house. They stayed a bit longer to have tea with his mom, who was very happy to listen to Kohaku and Hiiro’s personal experiences as idols. Finally, the group left, loaded with large bags that were filled with the things Aira was going to sell or bring back and the bag of things he had given Kohaku. Having to carry them all on the train during a pretty busy hour was a bit annoying, but doable. They made it back and after dumping all but Kohaku’s bag in Aira’s room, the three finally parted ways, with Hiiro heading to a meeting of his circle and Kohaku going to meet the rest of Crazy:B to practice.

Aira sat on his bed and looked at the bags with more than a little exhaustion. It had taken three people a day and a half to get them together, and now he had to unpack the majority of them. He really didn’t take too much from home, it was mostly some clothes that he kind of missed wearing and a few comforters. Of course he brought back the things he was going to sell, which could remain in the bag, and his stack of things he had wanted to show his friends which he could consolidate into something smaller until he brought them to whomever he was showing them to. He probably should have thought about the clothes he already had there and if he had room for as much as he was bringing back, but it was too late to think about that now and he would have to just make them all fit somehow.

…Eventually. 

He at least started putting up the few badges and keychains he had brought onto his corkboard, finishing up just as Eichi returned. He was holding a half-empty water bottle and his bag that he would normally take with him to practices; the roots of his hair seemed a bit damp as if he had recently gotten out of the shower. Eichi welcomed him back as he set his bag down by his bed, then came to sit down on the couch.

“Did you have a nice time with your family?” Eichi asked as he unscrewed the lid of his water bottle.

“I didn’t get to see my dad this time, but Hiro and Kohakucchi met my mom and she made us mapo tofu,” Aira said with a shrug. Eichi looked at him a bit expectantly, as if he were wanting Aira to elaborate. He recalled that Eichi’s relationship with his family was much different than his own, and had to wonder if the simple act of going home to parents that he liked and having a home cooked meal was something that he envied. 

“And I see you brought back quite a lot,” Eichi nodded towards the bags by Aira’s bed. 

“I’ll put it away soon, I promise,” Aira said. “But some of this I brought back ‘cause I thought you might want to see it - do you keep any of fine’s old stuff?”

“I don’t keep most of it in the dorm,” Eichi said, watching Aira pull one of the bags onto his bed and begin to pull things out. “But I do have a few flyers and pictures in my nightstand that I like to keep with me~”

Aira followed Eichi over to his bed, setting down the pile he had brought to show him. Eichi opened his drawer and pulled out a file folder that he set next to Aira’s stack. He let Aira show him what he had brought first, flipping through the stack of flyers from years prior. He looked at them fondly, chuckling to himself here and there. 

“These are…” Eichi trailed off as he had gotten to Aira’s collection of fine’s flyers. He didn’t linger too long on the ones that featured their original members, but when he reached the ones that showed just Wataru, Tori, and Yuzuru, he smiled widely. “I never got to see these…Tori looks like a little baby bird here, doesn’t he?”

“Were you in the hospital when these lives happened?” 

“I was,” He answered, lingering over the flier that showed fine’s current lineup, announcing Eichi’s return to the stage. “Of course I saw videos, but I wish I had gotten to be a part of their first performances as fine.”

“Do you want those? I brought them back for you if you did.” Aira told him, enjoying how happy Eichi seemed to be.

“If you don’t want to keep them for yourself,” Eichi gathered them back into a single bunch again. “Some of these I know I had in the student council office, but Yuzuru didn’t realize I was saving them and threw them away.”

He pulled over the folder full of his own keepsakes and slipped his new acquisitions inside one pocket before pulling out a much smaller stack of paper. 

“Mm, I had the pictures in here too, they must have fallen out…” Eichi leaned back to his nightstand, rummaging through the drawer. As he pulled out a few pictures, something else slipped out of the open drawer, falling onto the floor. “Ah-“

Aira quickly leaned over to grab it, assuming that it was another picture until he realized it felt thicker and had more of a rough texture. He couldn’t help but look it over, recognizing the small, worn object almost immediately as it had stuck out to him the first time he saw it—

“This was in Sakuma-senpai’s room, wasn’t it?” Aira flipped the omamori over in his hand, looking at the words that were incredibly faded but still visible enough that he could tell it had been written by a child. “It was on his desk that day when Ritsu-senpai brought us there, right?!”

“Fufu, it was his, but it’s mine now.” Eichi smiled. “Keito gave it to Sakuma-kun when they were kids, and then after a while it was given to me by Aoba-kun.”

“Did Sakuma-senpai give it to him?” Aira asked, turning it over once more before handing it to the other man.

“Wataru was involved somehow? I’m not exactly sure how it got to Aoba-kun, but eventually I gave it back to Sakuma-kun, and then he gave it back to me.” Eichi also looked the amulet over. “It’s cursed, though.”

Aira didn’t process what Eichi had said for a few seconds, as the older man had said it so matter-of-factly. “…it’s cursed?!”

“Whenever it changes hands between Sakuma-kun and myself, something bad happens. For example, when he gave it back to me before he left to be with his family, I ended up in the hospital right after.” Eichi said playfully as he put it back into his nightstand drawer. “Now we’ve started threatening to give it to each other whenever we have a disagreement, fufufu.”

Aira couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image of his roommates getting caught up in a heated argument only for them to start flinging the paper amulet across the room at the other. It was a big difference from when Aira would leave the room mid-argument, worrying that he'd come back to find the two had torn each other apart. 

“When you gave it back to him, was it like you were returning it to him?” He asked. “Or did Aoba-senpai ask you to give it to him or something?”

Eichi quickly averted his eyes in the way that Aira recognized as a sign of him thinking about something quite personal. “When I went to Sakuma-kun’s house before he left to go overseas the last time, I brought it to him. It’s supposed to ward off misfortune, anyways.”

Aira decided not to mention that he had always been told that omamori lose their power after so many months because this was clearly a sentimental thing. “Senpai, before you told me you were bringing him documents, not a good luck charm.”

“I brought him those too,” Eichi insisted. “When we ended up at his house during the typhoon, I couldn’t believe it when I saw it in his room. I thought he must have been playing a prank on me and Keito’s writing was forged.”

“Did you think he wouldn’t have kept it?” The younger boy asked.

“I thought he would have gotten rid of it the second I left his house,” Eichi said. “The day I brought it to him, I had never seen him look so…empty. Neither of us had the energy to fight or shout, we were both so broken down from everything.”

“But he did keep it,” Aira said simply, although he desperately wanted to insist again to know details of what had gone on between the two back then. Aira had a hard time believing that Rei would keep something Eichi had given him during that time if he didn’t have some sort of feelings towards him. 

“He did.” Eichi agreed. “Though, you saw his room, he seems to hold onto a bit of everything, doesn‘t he?”

Eichi laughed at his own observation before continuing to show Aira the pictures he had kept in his drawer; most of them of fine, but a few seemed to to be taken at a past sports day event and at some sort of festival.

“I used to have more, but they would make me sad, so I got rid of them.” Eichi told him when Aira finished looking. “I wish I hadn’t, though. I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to miss a memory that had made me sad, but…”

“I bet someone has some of them,” Aira offered, trying to be helpful. It wasn’t on the same level, but he understood regretting letting something go that held a memory he wished he could remember. “Maybe the broadcasting committee would have kept pictures like that? Or some of the people in your class?”

“That’s a possibility,” Eichi said, voice soft as he looked at the pictures again. “I’d like to try and find them, and look at them with a sense of affection rather than a frown.”

After they put their respective things away, the two stayed in for the rest of the afternoon, Eichi on his laptop working on something for StarPro and Aira catching up on various social media feeds and blog posts. On one instance when he stood to stretch, Eichi offered to help Aira unpack his bags of clothes, but Aira looked towards them with a sigh and said he would get to it tomorrow and that he was a little tired of packing and unpacking. Eichi laughed and asked Aira to let him know when he needed his help before heading to make himself some tea.

Rei came back some time later, also looking as if he had just come from practice. Unlike Eichi, he must not have taken a shower at ES; after greeting the two he quickly made his way into the bathroom and started the water. 

When the sounds of the shower stopped, Aira looked up and noticed Eichi seemed to be at a stopping point in his work. He asked him, “Do you think Sakuma-senpai would have any pictures?”

“Pictures don’t seem to be something he holds onto, plus we were in different classes,” Eichi said as he shut the lid of his laptop. “But I’ll ask~”

Aira watched over the top of his phone as Eichi got up and put his laptop back in its case. 

“If Sakuma-senpai and Ritsu-senpai are vampires, how do they show up in pictures?” Aira asked. Not that he believed they were really vampires or anything.

“It’s almost like they’re making it up.” Eichi hummed as the door to the bathroom swung open.

“Actually, because modern cameras don’t use-“ Rei started before Eichi began dismissively waving a hand.

“Last time it was that you weren’t “that kind” of vampire, this time it’s the cameras?” The blonde asked. “Sakuma-kun, you really need to keep your story straight if you want anyone to believe you.”

“If I keep changing the story, that makes it more mysterious,” Rei supplied, pulling his still wet hair back into a ponytail. 

“Covering up your inconsistencies by calling them mysteries doesn’t make for a convincing narrative.” Eichi countered, grabbing a paper mask from the top of his nightstand and shoving it into his pocket. 

“Shiratori-kun, I’m being bullied~” Rei said in a mock whine as he grabbed one of his jackets. 

“I’m hardly bullying you,” Eichi pulled on his own coat before crossing his arms. “Whining to your junior isn’t helping your case.” 

“Um, are you guys going out?” Aira spoke up, watching the pair slowly make their way to the door as they bickered. The two stopped, looked at each other, then looked at Aira.

“Ah, yes?” Rei said, slightly apologetic. 

“I suppose we were about to leave without saying anything,” Eichi realized. 

Aira grinned; this was the first time he had ever seen the two actually leave together to go on a date (aside from the summer festival, though he didn’t count that because he didn’t know it was a date). It filled him with some sort of pride that the two hadn’t hid it at all from him or tried to cover it up.

“I’m glad!” He said cheerfully. “I’ll see you later!”

After saying their goodbyes, the two left, door automatically locking behind them. Aira checked his phone - it wasn’t even six yet, but he already felt tired. Admittedly, he hadn't gotten the best sleep on the floor of his bedroom, and the repetitive motions of bending over and turning that he had done while packing had eventually started to make him a bit sore. If he were feeling a bit more energetic, he might feel a bit sad that his dorm room was empty and his boyfriends were busy and that he really didn’t have much to do, but maybe a quiet night by himself wasn’t so bad every once in a while. 

Chapter Text

Aira wore a choker one time that he had gone out somewhere with Kohaku - the mall, the cafe, he didn’t even remember where but it was sometime before they were even dating - and because Kohaku said it looked cute on him, he made a point to wear it more often whenever he got the chance. Kohaku only said something else about it one more time afterwards (sometime months later, after Aira must have worn it over a dozen times), but it still made him feel a bit more confident in his appearance whenever he wore it. 

He had a jacket like that, too, one that Hiyori complimented him on when he wore it to a Pretty 5 meeting once, and a pair of earrings that Mayoi had gotten him for his birthday because he thought it would match his eyes nicely. Was it superficial? Maybe a little, but he liked wearing things that people had complimented him on, it made him feel good.

Aira noticed that sometimes, before he left to go out somewhere, Rei would pull his hair back into a ponytail. At first, it seemed to just be when he would be going somewhere outside of the Ensemble Square area, and Aira assumed it was just to make him a tad bit less recognizable to the public as he would often wear his reading glasses as well. It soon dawned on him that most of those times also coincided with when he went somewhere with Eichi. Yet recently, he seemed to be pulling it back more often, even when he wasn’t going out anywhere or only going to something like a meeting of his circle. He liked to imagine that maybe Eichi had told him once it looked nice and that was why he had started doing it more often - because it made him feel good about himself. 

Since Eichi had gotten out of the hospital - and since Aira had learned of their “somewhat yes, somewhat no” dating (as Eichi put it) - not much had changed in the dorm between his roommates. He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting to happen, however. He didn’t know if he was thinking they’d suddenly start referring to each other by pet names (actually, Rei had called Eichi “darling” once, but in the context of the argument they were having it was absolutely not meant in a positive way), or if they’d start sharing the same bed (maybe this was going a bit too far for “taking things slowly” but Aira saw no harm in cuddling), but nothing had really become different. 

There were some subtle things, like Rei pulling back his hair more often, and Eichi always seeming to have the kind of crackers Rei liked with his tea in the room. When Aira would wake up in the morning, he would always see a glass of water by Eichi’s bedside that he was very sure hadn’t been there when the unit leader went to sleep. Eichi also would stay up a little longer on nights when Rei came back later, attempting to fight off his obvious sleepiness just to tell the other man “welcome back” when he returned. Of course the two of them would still bicker, that hadn’t really changed at all. Aira knew it probably never would, but he liked observing these minute displays of affection between the two, they made him smile. 

They were also a welcome distraction for his mind when Aira began realizing that those feelings had begun creeping up on him again.

Kohaku said that the weather getting gloomier and colder made him more likely to be depressed, and maybe that was the case for Aira, he wasn’t really sure. It was like one day he woke up to find his chest feeling squeezed from the inside and a voice constantly whispering in his ear “what’s the point in trying?” It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling anymore, yet that didn’t make it any easier for him to cope with it. The first day he woke up feeling like that, he opted to not go to school, buried under his covers. He had hoped it would make him feel better, and though it honestly hadn’t done much to change how he was feeling, he didn’t know how much attention he would have paid in class anyways. Just one day, he told himself.

He did remember to text his boyfriends that he wasn’t feeling the best, and the two had been quick to respond, asking if he needed anything, with Hiiro even offering to leave school early. Aira appreciated the thought, but imagining Hiiro doing all that just for him made him feel incredibly guilty. Instead, he told the two he just wanted to rest that day, but that he’d like to do something together the next day. Even as he typed out his reply, he felt a nagging in the back of his mind, something that was telling him that he would, in fact, not want to do anything with anyone tomorrow. He sent the text all the same, feeling that even though he was putting things off, he was at least planning to try again the next day.

As expected, the heaviness inside was still there when he woke up the next day. He was able to get out of bed and do what he needed to do, he even met up with Kohaku and Hiiro as planned. It at least made him a little better, feeling like he wasn’t completely giving into his urges to stay in bed and think nothing but negative things about himself. But it didn’t make it go away. He still felt like he wasn’t fully in the moment when he sat with Tori, Mika, and Arashi during lunch, or when he hung out with his boyfriends later in the day. Naturally, they were concerned, but Aira insisted that he was fine, just trying to make it through. He knew he wasn’t laughing as much, wasn’t talking as much, but…what else could he do?

His roommates noticed the change in Aira’s behavior…rather, Rei noticed the change in his behavior; Eichi hadn’t returned to the dorm in a couple of days. When Aira had stayed in bed instead of going to class, Rei had checked on him before he left for the day, and checked in on him again when he returned. Aira knew he could talk to Rei about it, but he really didn’t have much to say other than “I’m feeling sad,” so he said just that and declined Rei’s offer to get up and watch something. Rei assured him - with a smile, of course, and a pleasant tone of voice - that he would remove him from his bed if he didn’t go to school the next day.

He did go to school, and he returned back to the dorm before Rei did, before Rei could comment on it. He felt exhausted, like he had spent hours at practice, but he had just been eating dinner with Hiiro and Kohaku, trying to smile and keep his mind on the conversation that was in front of him. Aira obviously didn’t think that he would never feel depressed again, that it was a one-time deal that was “cured” by crying all over his roommates, but he was frustrated that it was affecting him again nonetheless. If he could get through it before, he could surely get through it again.

Sitting on his bed, looking up at his posters and corkboard full of idol merch, Aira frowned. He had all this stuff up on the wall because it made him happy, but it didn’t make him happy at that moment. Was there a point to it, then? Should he add it all to his bag of things that he still hadn’t taken to the second hand shop? Did he really need small things like the choker Kohaku complimented that one time? Did any of it really matter?

…Aira shook his head. He was getting too lost in his own thoughts. It would be so easy to just lie back and let them all suffocate and drown him, but…

He thought back to that day at Rei and Ritsu’s house, in Rei’s room while the rain and wind raged outside. After he finally stopped crying and Rei had shared with him his own struggles with negative thoughts, Aira had commented that he was beginning to feel not as bad. Rei had given him a look, a smile that was filled with warmth and a hint of relief. Aira didn’t intend to have a breakdown in front of Eichi and Rei, but he had felt so wholly supported by the two of them then that he didn’t want to give into his dark thoughts, he didn’t want to just stop moving and let everything pass him by.

He wanted to try.

Instead of looking at his things that currently weren’t giving him the same joy as they normally would, Aira got out of bed and took the longest shower he had taken in quite a while. He used the exfoliator that he really should have used more often, he used the body wash that he very rarely used even though it was his favorite because he didn’t want to run out of it. Once he stepped out of the shower, he took his time doing his skincare, all of his skincare and not just the toner and moisturizer. He had a fond memory of Arashi patiently helping to find products that worked for his skin type, something she apparently did for all of the members of her unit and Pretty 5. In the back of his mind, the voice whispered “you don’t need to be doing all this” and “what’s the point,” but Aira continued until he had finished. He brushed his hair and put on his softest pajamas before exiting the bathroom, satisfied at his attempts to feel somewhat better.

Rei had returned at some point while he had been in the shower. He was lounging on the couch, looking over some papers marked with Rhythm Link’s logo, the TV on very softly. Rei sat up slightly as Aira came to sit at the end of the couch, asking how he was doing. Aira felt somewhat confident that, even though he was feeling quite depressed, he wouldn’t end up crying all over Rei again if he talked about how he was feeling.

…only he did end up crying all over Rei, but not exactly for the reason he thought he might have. 

Before he had really gotten started talking, out of the corner of his eye, Aira couldn’t help but watch the commercial playing on TV. It was one of those commercials that big companies started putting out when winter holidays drew closer, one of those overly emotional, sentimental commercials where people were crying while singing and things were coming to a close. Normally Aira was immune to commercials like that (especially when it was from some huge, soulless corporation that sold cigarettes or something that he had zero interest in), but when he was already feeling like he was…

Aira felt quite a bit more embarrassed about crying over that than crying because of his depression - through his tears Aira tried explaining that it wasn’t the commercial making him cry, it was just one thing too many on top of how poorly he was already feeling - but Rei didn’t shame him for that either and held him all the same. 

When Aira’s sobbing got quieter, when it was only a sniffle or hiccup every so often, Rei began telling him about a meeting he had earlier that day with the rest of Undead and Anzu. Anzu had been trying to plan something for his and Kaoru’s birthday parties, but sometime during the meeting Koga had accidentally let slip that he and Adonis were arranging a weekend trip, prompting Koga to get incredibly defensive and insisting that it was all Adonis’s plan. 

Aira giggled through his tears as Rei described the lengths that Koga was going through to act like he didn’t care about his seniors’ birthdays. Something unrelated to his present situation was just what he needed to hear. Rei always knew what to say, at least that’s what it felt like. He wondered if it was just the experience one got from being a big brother, or if Rei was saying things he wished someone would have said to him when he was in a darker place.

As Aira wiped his face with the tissues he was handed, Rei told him, “Don’t ever feel ashamed for crying, alright?”

As supportive as Rei was, as much as he said that he had the same depressive thoughts as him, Aira had never seen Rei cry (the fake crying didn’t count, of course). Even Eichi had teared up in front of him, but not Rei. 

“Sometimes it’s incredibly cathartic, isn’t it?” Rei mused. “The last time I properly had a good cry…hmm, it would have been that time with Hibiki-kun?” Rei traced his bottom lip with his finger as he thought. “I didn’t think it had been that long but I can’t remember a more recent time; after everything that happened at Yumenosaki it became hard for me to actually let out how I was feeling. I don’t want you to get to the point where you can’t even cry when you’re sad and can only express your pain with yelling and violence.”

Eichi had told Aira that he was envious of Aira crying so openly; Rei hadn’t said that outright, but Aira wondered if he did as well. Like with Eichi, Aira really didn’t get how that was a thing to be jealous of, but if Rei was saying that he had been at the point where he was feeling too much despair to even cry, he could kind of understand wishing that he could let out all the hurt inside.

It had been helpful when Rei had started talking about something irrelative to how he was feeling; Aira wanted to keep being distracted. “Have you talked to Tenshouin-senpai recently?” Aira had texted him earlier in the week, after two days of not seeing him in the dorm. He had sent back a quick reply saying that he was stuck at his family’s house and would be back as soon as he could, but hadn’t really elaborated past that.

“Had he not told you that he’s at his house for the time being?” Rei asked, appearing a little surprised. 

“He did, but he didn’t say why.” Aira said. “Do you know if he’s going to be gone for long?”

“That depends on how stubborn he wants to be,” Rei said. He sounded slightly annoyed, but his tone wasn’t devoid of fondness. “He knows he’s more susceptible to getting sick when it gets colder, yet still pushes himself too hard. He was essentially given the choice of staying and working from home where his medical staff are until he regains a bit of his health or being readmitted to the hospital.” Rei pondered his words for a moment. “I really sounded like Keito-kun just then, didn’t I? How unfortunate.”

“Last time I saw him, he seemed really excited about some Halloween thing that fine was doing with the student council,” Aira recalled. “I don’t blame him for not wanting to go back to the hospital, but that still sounds like he’s kind of…you know, trapped there.” Aira assumed that, unlike the hospital, Eichi wouldn’t (or couldn’t?) have visitors come by.

“If I’m not mistaken, this may be one of those instances where Tenshouin-kun’s illness leaves him needing more help with basic things.” Said Rei. “I believe he doesn’t even like for Hibiki-kun to see him much when he’s like that.”

Aira nodded, knowing that Eichi detested looking weak because of his illness. “I bet he’s feeling pretty lonely, though…Tenshouin-senpai told me you used to visit him at the hospital when he was in his first year.”

“He’s told me a lot of the things he’s shared with you,” Rei said, passing Aira a look from across the couch. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you before, but I’m proud of you for being able to handle everything while I was away.”

For a split second, Aira had to think about what he was referring to. It seemed like the night where Eichi had confessed to Aira about his and Rei’s relationship - and then Aira accidentally let it be known that he was aware of what had happened in Eichi’s past - had happened much, much longer ago than it really had. In reality, it hadn’t been more than a few weeks, but he realized that he hadn’t talked to Rei much about it or about everything that he and Eichi had talked about. 

Aira grinned, the praise making him feel a bit warm inside. “I was kind of proud of myself too,” Aira told him. “I…really wasn’t ready to talk to him about it but I’m really happy that we did.”

“And I knew you could,” Rei smiled gently. 

Rei bringing it up had reminded him of all the things he had meant to ask him, things that Eichi hadn’t fully answered himself. Maybe right after having a crying fit triggered by a pandering advertisement wasn’t the appropriate time, but Rei had never seemed to mind his questions in the past. “Senpai, if you used to visit Tenshouin-senpai and had to sneak in to see him, you must have liked him even back then, right?”

When Aira had asked Eichi the same question, the older man seemed hesitant to answer him, almost uncomfortable. Rei didn’t react quite the same, slowly stretching his arms behind his head, groaning slightly when his shoulder popped. “Hmm…I “must have?”” He repeated Aira’s question, leaning back further into the couch. “It’s probably not the answer you’re wanting to hear, but I don’t think that I have an answer for you.”

Aira wasn’t too surprised by Rei’s non-committal answer after hearing the same vagueness from Eichi and even Wataru. That was fine, and he was fine dropping the subject for good, but Rei continued talking.

“I suppose I “must have” if I continued going back to see him, even after it became obvious that the issues that were cropping up at Yumenosaki were his doing.” Rei said, staring at the ceiling as he spoke. “Or perhaps I was just a cynical and bored kid who had finally found someone that made me feel something for the first time in a while. Forgive me, I’m not trying to avoid your question, I really don’t know what the answer is, I never have.”

That certainly sounded a lot like liking someone to Aira, but with everything that had happened back then, he could imagine that his feelings about the whole situation were muddled. 

“I disliked him from the first moment I saw him, and I disliked him even more when he opened his mouth.” Rei continued. “Yet I went to visit him in the hospital after he almost fainted in front of me, and I continued to visit him after that. I realized that we weren’t so dissimilar, and going to see him had become something quiet and comforting when everything else was so loud and demanding.” Rei said he disliked him, yet he said it with the same tone of voice that he would use when talking about his unit mates or friends. 

Rei paused; he seemed to realize he was rambling, and turned his head to face Aira again. “And then I suppose you know the rest from there.”

There was so much more included in “the rest” that Aira was still in the dark about, but Rei had told him quite a bit more than he knew before. It was a different part to the story than what he had been told from Eichi or from Rei himself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of that stuff when you were telling me about everything that happened?” Aira assumed he knew the answer, but asked regardless. 

“It wasn’t relevant to the story,” Rei said, just like Aira thought he might have. “And…perhaps it was something I still hadn’t come to terms with. In the time between the day I told you of our shared pasts and the day when you and Tenshouin-kun had your talk, things between us had changed.”

Aira wondered if the something that had changed was referring to Eichi apologizing for all he had done to Rei, something he knew had happened not long ago at all. “Is that when the two of you started to, you know, be together?” 

“No? Well, yes? I suppose more seriously than we had been before,” Rei seemed not very sure in his answer, much like Eichi had been when he had asked something similar. Aira wondered if, despite being their junior, he was somehow more experienced in actually being in a relationship. 

“When did it start, then?”

“Hmm…” Rei looked up again as he thought about his answer. “Probably…do you remember when I was cooped up in bed for a few days after the Succession Match live?”

He had expected Rei to name a recent event, closer to when Keito had asked Aira about the two of them, or even when he had run into them together at the cafe, but that long ago? When they were still glaring at each other through the partition between their beds? 

“And you guys didn’t tell me this whole time?!” Aira exclaimed, much louder than he had intended. He wasn’t upset, just shocked that it had been going on for so long without him noticing, or thinking that he was just reading too much into things. “I mean you didn’t have to tell me, but—“ He paused, thinking back to the day in question. “You guys were definitely fighting that day, how is that when you started dating?!”

“We stopped fighting for a bit.” Rei shrugged, amused at Aira’s reaction. 

Aira wasn’t sure why this was so hard for his brain to process. “…you two really… for that long??” He wished he could recall every interaction he had witnessed between Rei and Eichi from that day to try and find hints of their blooming relationship. 

“Please don’t think we were trying to hide anything from you,” he said. “We may be your senpai, but there are some things that even we haven't figured out just yet.”

“I get it,” Aira said. “I just…um, you know, for a while there, I was kind of hoping that the two of you…” He trailed off awkwardly. 

Rei chuckled, taking his time to shift into a more upright position. “I’ve been told that apparently you’ve been something of a background encourager for Tenshouin-kun and myself for quite some time.”

Aira found himself turning a bit pink, but nodded all the same. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you either,” he said, “but I’m really happy for the two of you.”

“Thank you, Shiratori-kun.” The unit leader said, looking at Aira fondly. “More than you know, it’s incredibly appreciated…Ah, I apologize for talking about myself so much tonight, I had intended to help you out with how you’ve been feeling the last few days.” 

“It did help,” Aira said, curling one of his legs under him. “It distracted me, and I like learning more about you.” 

He was indeed feeling better than he had - not completely, but somewhat. Yet again, Rei had helped to pull him upwards from a darker place. Aira hoped that one day he could repay the favor, not only for that but for everytime that he had made him feel less awkward, less sad, less alone. Both he and Eichi had given him support more times than he could count.

“I’m glad I could help, then,” Rei smiled. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind assisting me, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of what to get Kaoru-kun for his birthday and I keep coming up with nothing.”

Aira hadn’t spent much time around Kaoru; most of what he knew about him came from Rei himself. “What do you want for your birthday?” He asked instead.

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Rei said quickly. “Koga-kun and Adonis-kun are so easy to get presents for, but Kaoru-kun is surprisingly particular for someone so laid-back…”

The two spent a while discussing possible gift ideas for Kaoru as well as Izumi. At some point when Rei got up to get himself some juice, Aira quickly pulled his phone out and sent a quick text to Eichi.

“Sakuma-senpai said you were sick :( I hope you feel better soon! Do you know what he might want for his bday? He said he didnt want anything but I want to get something”

A few moments later, he received a message back, the small bubble indicating that Eichi was typing more.

“I had actually been meaning to talk to you about that as well…”

Chapter Text

“You should eat lunch with me in the student council office today,” was all Tori said to Aira when he popped his head into his classroom that morning. The boy left as quickly as he appeared, leaving Aira slightly confused.

He had no reason to refuse, however, and the last time that he had lunch with Tori he wasn’t in the best mindset to enjoy it, so he made his way over once the lunch period had begun. Aira had really only been in the office a couple of times, and he still found the large door vaguely intimidating. After knocking once, Tori called for him to come in. He found him at one of the desks, looking uncharacteristically serious as he looked at the papers before him.

“Hi~ you can bring one of the chairs over.” Tori put down what he was working on and smiled at Aira. As Aira dragged over another chair to sit on the opposite side of the desk, he couldn’t help but feel like something wasn’t right…?

“…Where’s Fushimi-senpai?” Aira asked as soon as it dawned on him what was missing. He knew the butler was never too far away from Tori, and Tori had never been shy about making it known that he would often push his student council responsibilities off onto Yuzuru. 

“I told him he had to take the day off,” Tori said, leaning back. Aira could tell that this was something really bothering him. “He’s been really tired lately and getting distracted and zoning out and that’s not like him. I even told him not to make me lunch today, but he did.“ Tori placed the lunch in question on top of the papers. 

“Is anything going on with him?” Aira asked. He couldn’t imagine what a tired Yuzuru looked like.

“fine is doing a live at the haunted house we’re helping with, but…” He opened the lid to his lunchbox, something inside offending him and making him wrinkle his nose. Aira thought it looked like a perfectly normal lunch. “We do lives all the time so I don’t know why this would be any different. You’ll share this with me, right?”

Aira knew from experience that Tori was actually asking for Aira to eat the parts that he didn’t like so Yuzuru wouldn’t fuss at him later. “I’ll eat it. Is there anything else that might have happened?”

“I don’t know, but he’s getting so worked up over something that he’s even talking about ghosts in his sleep, like the lyrics to our new song.”

“He’s not worried about performing, is he?” Aira asked, taking some of the vegetables he knew Tori didn’t want. “fine is always great on stage.”

“I know, fine’s the best so he doesn’t have anything to worry about! Yuzuru never doubted himself before…” Tori picked at his rice. “Even that power surge in the dorm last night got him worked up.”

“There was a power surge?” Aira asked. 

“The lights flickering? I wasn’t scared at all, though.” Tori looked up at him. Aira didn’t remember anything like that, but maybe he had been so absorbed in watching videos on his phone that he didn’t notice. It wouldn’t be the first time that he was so caught up in watching something that he was completely oblivious to what was going on around him. “Anyway. That’s why he’s not here today. Eichi-sama seemed concerned about it, too. Oh, Eichi-sama wasn’t too tired last night, right? He seemed okay after our lesson but I don’t want him to push himself too hard.”

Aira had to hold back a laugh; he knew Tori loved both Yuzuru and Eichi dearly and seeing him worrying over the two - even doing his own work for the student council so Yuzuru didn’t have to - was incredibly sweet. He sat back and thought; Eichi had finally been allowed to return to the dorm the other night and he didn’t seem any more worn out than he normally would after practicing for a live. 

“I think he’s okay,” Aira told him. “I didn’t notice him acting more tired than usual.”

“Good,” Tori said, pulling a meat bun and lime-colored snack cake from the school store out from his bag. “Eichi-sama sometimes doesn’t tell us when he’s not doing well, but I don’t want him to hide that from us.”

Aira nodded, pulling the bento a bit closer so as not to make a mess. Tori clearly wasn’t eating any of it. Yuzuru’s cooking may have been a little bland but it tasted good to him.

Just as suddenly as he had stuck his head into Aira’s classroom and told him to have lunch with him, Tori asked abruptly, “Eichi-sama is seeing someone, isn’t he?”

Aira nearly choked mid-swallow. “Huh?!” He hadn’t expected for Tori - or anyone for that matter - to start talking to him about that. Aira was more than certain that his roommates would not appreciate him telling someone about them. 

“That’s just the feeling I get,” Tori said, breaking the meat bun apart into two. “Eichi-sama always tries to show me a smile, but lately his smile seems kind of different. It’s a different kind of happy that I don’t think I’ve seen from him before.” Offering up one half of the bun, Tori asked, “That’s it, right? Your face kind of gave it away.”

“No it didn’t!” Aira said defensively. 

“Do you know who it is? Have you seen him bring anyone back to your dorm?” Tori leaned forward, elbows on the desk. Aira mildly felt like he had been lulled into a trap with food and was now being interrogated. 

“He hasn’t brought anyone back,” Aira said, which wasn’t really a lie - he never brought Rei back, he lived there. 

“But you do know who?” Tori’s eyes widened. “I thought maybe it was Long Hair, but he would be even more annoying if they were actually dating.”

Instead of saying anything, Aira quickly shoved the meat bun into his mouth, not wanting to accidentally confirm more than he should. He also didn’t want to say anything that might make his friend upset. 

He remembered the incident that had happened not too long ago where the members of Pretty 5 had tried to intervene with Tori’s sister’s arranged marriage, only to discover that her prospective husband was none other than Eichi. Eichi had mused that if same sex marriage were legal, he could just marry Tori - a statement that he had said as if it were a solution to a problem. Tori, however, had been very obviously affected by Eichi’s words, and Aira had a suspicion from then on that Tori’s feelings towards his unit leader were more than just admiration. 

As far as Aira knew, the number of people who knew about their relationship was incredibly slim. The other four eccentrics may have known, and Keito had even asked Aira about it, but…even with them, had any of them, aside from Wataru, actually been told the truth? Were he and Wataru the only ones who actually knew? That thought made him slightly nervous, being one of two keepers of such a big secret.

When he had visited Keito in his office (against his will), the older man hadn’t even been able to get the words fully out of his mouth before he grew flustered and retracted them, telling Aira to forget it.  At the time, Aira was confused why he would ask him something like that. He saw them together in the dorm room all the time and hadn’t noticed any change between them, save for them not fighting as much as when he first moved in. When Eichi finally told him that they were together, there was a teeny, tiny voice in the back of his head that was saying “why did you hide it from me, I live here with you, too, you should have told me! Aren’t we friends?” But that voice was quickly silenced by how happy he was for the two of them.

But Aira didn’t have romantic feelings towards Eichi, nor did he have the same bonds with him that came from being in a unit together, so finding out that he was dating Rei didn’t affect him like it might affect Tori. 

He was staring at Aira expectantly, completely knowing that he knew. Aira, not wanting to lie but not wanting to betray his roommates’ trust, lamely asked, “You can’t figure it out?”

“You want me to guess?” Tori was seemingly happy at the game Aira unintentionally proposed. “Hmm…Eichi-sama isn’t obvious about that sort of thing, though, not like you are with your boyfriends, so this will be kind of hard…”

Aira knew Tori wasn’t trying to call him out with that comment, but he couldn’t help but make a face. He was convinced that, at this point, everyone knew they were dating and it was just some sort of minor miracle that the information hadn’t made its way to news sites yet. 

“It’s not someone in fine, and it’s probably not someone in Flavor…unless, maybe, hmm…” Tori started to think, watching Aira carefully for any sort of change in expression. “Gimme a hint. Same or different agency?”

“Different,” Aira said, knowing that it hardly narrowed it down.

“Okay…long or short hair?” 

“Long…” Aira tried not to move a muscle under Tori’s gaze.

“Oh, good, that rules out Hasumi-senpai,” Tori rolled his eyes. “Someone so naggy like that is no good.”

“If Tenshouin-senpai finds out I told you, he’s going to be really mad at me!” Aira stated bluntly. He didn’t know if that was true or not, but he didn’t want to find out.

“Then don’t tell me and I’ll keep guessing,” Tori shrugged. “I have to find out who it is to know that they’ll make Eichi-sama happy.”

Aira really couldn’t argue with that reasoning. With a sigh, he untensed slightly, accepting the inevitable. “I’m sure that he does,” he said neutrally.

“You said “he” so it is a guy, then…” Tori tapped a finger to his lips. An idea seemed to hit him suddenly, and he stared at Aira intensely for what seemed like eternity before he let out a breath. “Wait, you said different agency, never mind.”

“What is it?!” Aira asked. Now he was getting invested in Tori’s guesses. 

“It’s a guy with longer hair, someone that only you seem to know about, that you’re sure makes him happy,” Tori stated. 

It took a moment for Aira to follow his train of thought. “…you thought it was me?!”

“I forgot you said they’re in a different agency,” Tori said with another shrug of his shoulders. “You already have two boyfriends, maybe you had another?”

“No?? I—I don’t think about him like—” Aira was abruptly reminded that he maybe, possibly, shamefully may have had the smallest of crushes on Eichi before he had actually met him. (And Rei. And many of the other idols he now called his friends. He was easily enamored.) “And that’s not how our relationship w-works anyways—“

“I was just joking, calm down!” Tori insisted, giving Aira a moment to recover. “Actually, you know, before I met you, I didn’t know that you could be in a relationship with more than one person.”

“Really?” 

“Before I came to Yumenosaki, I thought it had to always be one boy and one girl,” Tori recalled. “I didn’t know that boys could like boys and girls could like girls, and it was okay if you didn’t feel like you were a boy or a girl.”

Aira had lived on the internet since as long as he could remember, and these were things that were obvious to him. Tori, like Eichi, had a sheltered childhood, he realized. Tori had never brought up what his own preferences were, but Aira couldn’t fathom living life until high school thinking he was the only boy who liked other boys. 

“Let me keep guessing,” Tori continued. “I didn’t really think it was you, but it was a funny idea. That would be really weird to date someone you’re living with, right?”

One day, Aira would take Wataru up on his offer to give him acting lessons, if only so that he could develop any sort of poker face. 

“Wait..?!” Tori’s eyebrows shot up. “Waitwaitwait you’re not serious?!”

“I didn’t say anything!” Aira yelped as he shot up from his chair. “I gotta get back to class, it’s almost time—“

“Your face said everything!” Tori leaped up after him, quickly gripping one of Aira’s hands before he could escape. “You can skip class if you’re doing something important for the student council and telling me that Eichi-sama is or isn’t dating Sakuma-senpai is very important!”

Aira, of course, didn’t need to confirm a thing, as the panicked expression on his face said everything. Tori eventually let go of his hand and sat back down. 

“…Really? That scary guy who does the weird crying thing?” He seemed to be contemplating this new information thoroughly. 

Aira gave up and sat back in his own chair. “He’s…not scary.” He said quietly. “He’s really kind and he cares about his friends and he’s really good at cheering people up.”

“Eichi-sama used to want to beat Undead any chance we got, but he specifically wanted to beat that guy,” Tori recalled. “But after a while he stopped wanting to fight other units as much. We went on a training camp trip with Undead once, and it was really weird to see them not looking at each other like they were going to start fighting at any second.” He leaned back and looked skyward. “Actually, even Eichi-sama…before, when fine was the top unit at Yumenosaki, even he would say some scary things when he looked at Sakuma-senpai.”

Aira nodded, listening to Tori parse out how he was feeling. 

“I get that they don’t hate each other anymore like they did back then, but I don’t get why Eichi-sama would want to be with someone t-t-that…” Tori sucked in a breath sharply. “S-someone that said such m-mean things to him…there’s no way Eichi-sama c-c-could ever be happy with—“ Tori curled in on himself in the chair, hiding his face in his hands as he began sobbing loudly. Aira jumped up again, coming to the side of his chair, the older boy leaning into him immediately. 

“Why d-didn’t he tell me?” Tori asked rhetorically as he gripped Aira’s jacket. “N-n-no one is good enough for him, not even m-me…” This triggered a fresh wave of tears. Aira desperately wanted to say something to help, but he was at a loss. Anything that he thought to say sounded so forced and unhelpful in his head. He had a feeling that no matter who was dating Eichi, Tori would be feeling the same. Aira had never really liked anyone before Kohaku and Hiiro, had never dealt with the person that he liked be with someone else, so he didn’t know what Tori was feeling at all. The only thing he knew to do was hold him close while he cried his feelings out, rubbing his back like Eichi had done for him before.

Soon Tori’s cries turned to sniffles, and eventually his grip on Aira’s jacket loosened as he sat more upright, getting some tissues from a nearby box. After wiping his face thoroughly and blowing his nose, Tori took a few deep breaths. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Aira told him.

“When I first thought that the reason Eichi-sama was smiling brighter might have been because he found someone, it made me really sad. I kind of hoped I was wrong.” Tori sniffled again, wiping away a remaining tear. “You could have said any name, I’d still be sad. But that’s not fair to Eichi-sama, is it?” 

“It’s okay to be sad about it, if you liked him. I don’t think anyone could fault you for that.” 

Tori’s lip trembled again, the permission to feel his sadness and not bottle it up almost making him cry all over again. Instead, he took another deep breath and opened up the plastic wrapping on his snack cake, quickly taking a large bite. Aira took that as a sign that he could sit back down.

“Of course I like him.” Tori said between bites. “And I really don’t get how that guy could make Eichi-sama happy, but…he’s happy, so…” He sighed, looking out the large window for a moment before turning back to Aira. “I wish he would have told me, but I guess he knew I’d be upset.”

“Maybe?” Aira said. “I don’t think he’s really told anyone, yet. They didn’t tell me, I just found it out.”

“You walked in on them?!” Tori was suddenly incredibly amused.

“No!” Aira exclaimed, face getting hot. That had actually become a recent fear of his, but Tori didn’t need to know that. 

“I guess that’s just a thing that happens in manga, huh?” Tori giggled. “ This one time,  Hasumi-senpai accidentally brought this manga to Manga Club, where the supervisor at a dorm walks in on his two childhood friends and they ask him to join them. That’s as far as I got before he took it back because he didn’t mean to bring it. I think it was going to get kind of. You know.”  

“Uh-huh,” Aira laughed nervously. 

“Buuut, anyway, I guess it’s okay if Eichi-sama hadn’t actually told anyone. I guess if you live together you’d find out eventually.” Tori started gathering up his trash and packing up his bento. “Eichi-sama’s in a position where he can’t be seen dating anyone at all or else it would cause problems. Not just because he’s an idol, but because of his position at ES, and his family, and my family.”

Aira had only thought that the two of them had continued to be incredibly discreet due to them wanting to take things slow and their positions as idols in the public eye. It hadn’t really occurred to him that there may have been other even more complicated factors involved. 

“Hey, thanks for letting me talk.” Tori said, grabbing Aira’s hand again across the desk. “Sorry I cried and stuff.”

“It’s okay,” Aira assured him again. 

The door to the room opened with a loud click, and Mao walked in, arms full of binders. He looked from Aira to Tori, to the pile of used tissues still on the desk, and back to Tori, whose eyes and nose were still quite red. “Umm, sorry if I’m interrupting something?”

“No, you’re not,” Tori said, quickly gathering up the tissues and putting them in the small trash can by the desk.

“Fushimi’s not here today, huh?” Mao set the binders down on top of the large desk by the window, watching as they slid all over the place. “Tenshouin-senpai let me know that he wasn’t doing well. Do you know if everything’s still on track for the haunted house?”

“Of course it is!” Tori said confidently, smiling proudly despite his earlier sadness. “fine is Ensemble Square’s number one unit and there’s nothing that we can’t do!”

“That’s good,” Mao said mildly, not too affected by Tori’s sudden show of determination. “Have you been doing alright, Shiratori?”

“Yeah, everything’s good!” Aira smiled, getting up and pushing his chair back behind one of the other desks.

“Hey, before you leave,” Mao paused his attempted organizing. “I know it’s not for a while, but I wanted to start thinking about it now. Next year, would you want to join the student council?”

“Oh! Shiratori-kun would be great!” Tori beamed. 

“You think I would?” Aira blinked. “Even though my grades aren’t that great?”

“Grades are only a part of it,” Mao explained. “Every time you’ve helped us out with events, you’ve been pretty reliable and you almost always have a positive attitude.”

“And since you love idols so much, I bet you could bring us a lot of new ideas for lives and events!” Tori added. 

“Well, bring you a lot of new ideas, since I’ll be gone.” Mao pointed out.

“Hehe, that’s right, I’m going to be president next year,” Tori announced smugly. “You’ll do it, right?”

“Um,” Aira had never thought about being part of the student council, but he wasn’t opposed to it. If Mao asked him personally, that was good right?

“Don’t answer yet,” Mao said quickly, waving a hand. “Take a while to think about it, and make sure you can keep your test scores where they’re at. Your grades have been slowly moving up, I’ve seen.”

Aira nodded, knowing that he was going to be asking Hiiro for much more help with school in the near future. He felt a blooming excitement in his chest at the thought of being able to represent Yumenosaki in such a positive way. “I’ll think about it!” Aira told him. “Thank you, senpai!”

-

Aira only got a few minutes to find Hiiro and say he’d see him later before the redhead had to run off to his karate club meeting. Not having anything else to do, Aira made his way back, getting himself a little treat at a cafe on the way. Being asked by the president if he’d like to join the student council (and having him notice that his grades were, in fact, improving!) deserved a treat. 

For just a moment, when Mao had asked him, a thought had popped up in the back of Aira’s head, thinking that he couldn’t possibly be good enough for that sort of position. As Mao listed positives about him, he felt like a fraud. Mao must have been describing someone else. Looking at the sincerity in Mao’s eyes and the assuredness in Tori’s, he beat the imposter syndrome away and could smile back happily at them. 

It was gray and gloomy outside, and Aira got back into the dorm just seconds before the rain began pouring down. It had been raining more often than not lately, but that didn’t seem to put a damper on anyone’s excitement for the upcoming Halloween events. Earlier that day, Kohaku had texted him and Hiiro a picture he had taken from the fitting of their new outfits and Aira hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. Aira wasn’t much of a Halloween person, but a Halloween live was a whole different story. He was incredibly ready for the live that fine would be putting on as well; Eichi had been talking proudly about the haunted house for a while now.

It was a little strange that Eichi had returned before he did, but what was stranger was how excited Eichi looked when he saw that Aira was back. The older man had immediately closed the lid of his laptop, turning to face him with a smile that looked a little too wide.

“Shiratori-kun~” 

By his tone of voice alone, Aira knew he was about to be asked to do something. Putting his bag down and joining Eichi on the other side of the couch.

“I’m glad you came back early today,” Eichi said happily. “I have something to tell you.”

“I have something to tell you too,” Aira said. Eichi nodded at him to continue, “Isara-senpai asked if I wanted to be in the student council next year.”

“Oh? Isara-kun made a good choice,” Eichi smiled warmly. “Are you going to do it?”

“I think,” Aira tried to suppress how happy he really was about it. “He told me to think about it, but I’m pretty sure I want to.”

“Then all three of us in the room will have been in the student council,” Eichi commented. “Of course, that means you have to become president after Tori.”

“I don’t know if I can do that?” Aira said quietly. Imagining himself as student council president over Yumenosaki - the school he had dreamed about getting into - was too much to process. “What did you have to tell me?”

“Ah, yes, the weekend after next-“

“When you’re taking Sakuma-senpai somewhere for his birthday?” Aira asked. Eichi had been asking for his assistance planning something for Rei’s birthday that didn’t coincide with all of the lives going on during Halloween as well as the weekend trip that Undead was taking for the same reason.

“Yes, and I’ve decided on a ryokan near some mountains,” Eichi nodded. “You’re coming with us.”

“…what?!” Aira cocked his head, staring at Eichi to find any sign that the older man was joking. “You want me to go with you when you take Sakuma-senpai on a romantic weekend trip?”

“You think it’s a romantic idea, then?” Eichi seemed completely unphased by Aira’s confusion.

“Yeah, that’s why I suggested it. For you two. Alone.” Aira wasn’t sure if he was missing something, but he felt it should be obvious that Eichi and Rei would want to take the trip without a third wheel. 

Eichi chuckled. “You’d have your own room, if that’s the problem.”

“That’s not the problem…?” Aira said, feeling like he and Eichi were talking on two different wavelengths. “Is this a “being scared” thing, ‘cause—“

“Nothing of the sort,” Eichi’s smile faltered slightly. “Mm…being an adult - a working member of society - means nothing if all of your actions are still monitored by your family.”

Aira really wasn’t sure what reasoning Eichi was going to give, but he hadn’t expected that. 

“ES is wholly mine and not controlled by my family, but all the money that I put into it or anything else I do is tracked and scrutinized so as “not to disgrace the family name.”” Eichi explained. 

“Does your family disagree with a lot of the things you do?” Aira asked him. 

“My father. He has no issue in investing in the idol business, but never agreed with my dream to become an idol myself.” He clarified. “But I don’t agree with some of the companies and charities he chooses to give to, either. When he eventually dies, I can put a stop to that, at least.”

Aira was taken aback by Eichi so suddenly and so casually talking about his own father dying. “I-I see…”

“The only inns that I can stay in discreetly, away from the public eye, would be ones owned by my family,” Eichi continued. “But anyone working there could easily report back that I booked a room only for myself and another man.”

“Oh.” Aira nodded, finally understanding the point Eichi was getting at. “So if I’m there too, it looks more like you’re just taking a trip with your roommates.”

“Precisely,” Eichi hummed. “Incidentally, I have no doubt in my mind that my parents have never paid attention to any sort of interview where I’ve mentioned who my roommates are or how many people stay in the room, so…I understand that asking you to come along is a tad, ah, uncomfortable, so please feel free to invite your partners as well.”

“Are you sure?!” Aira’s eyes widened. Taking his boyfriends to stay in a fancy ryokan for the weekend in a room all to their own seemed too good to be true. 

“I insist that you do,” He replied. “As repayment for helping me out.”

“Then, I’ll ask!” Aira leaned into the couch slightly so that he could pull his phone out of his pocket. “Thank you so much!”

“Fufu, it’s the least I could do,” Eichi said. “Oukawa-kun will have just finished with Crazy:B’s live, so hopefully the baths will help him unwind from that.”

“I bet it will—Oh!” Aira recalled the conversation that he and Tori had earlier, the first part of it, at least. He didn’t think for a second about telling Eichi that Tori had been heartbroken over him, and he doubted that Tori would tell him either. “Himemiya-senpai said Fushimi-senpai wasn’t feeling well, do you know if he’s okay?” 

For whatever reason, Aira’s question made Eichi laugh. “He’ll be just fine, I’ll make sure of it.” 

Later that night, both Hiiro and Kohaku let Aira know that they wanted to come along. He had never officially told either of them that Rei and Eichi were dating, so he wasn’t sure how to react to Kohaku jokingly texting that they were getting a second chance at their double date that they had planned at the festival with Mayoi and Tatsumi. 

The trip was, of course, Eichi taking Rei away somewhere nice for the weekend, but Aira was now given the chance to give his boyfriends a romantic weekend away as well. He was excited and nervous all at once. The three had spent many nights sleeping over together - in Aira’s own bed, nonetheless - but something about going to a traditional inn together seemed a lot more significant. 

Eichi had even more reasons than Aira (or most of his fellow idols) to be hesitant about being out with his boyfriend where anyone could see, and that made Aira sad, but for this one specific instance he was, selfishly, a little thankful for it. Even if Eichi had to invite Aira along to keep up a certain image, he knew that both parties would end up having a good time. Rei was still in the dark about the trip, Eichi deciding to wait closer to his birthday to tell him, but Aira was sure that he would enjoy being somewhere quiet and scenic with delicious food and relaxing baths. 

Aira had kept his mouth shut, as any good friend would, when Tori had been lamenting about Rei not being able to make Eichi happy. Knowing all that he knew about the situation, Aira could easily see why Tori would think that. He may not have been in Tori’s shoes before, having someone he liked be with someone else, but he knew that interjecting with “he makes Tenshouin-senpai very happy” was the most unhelpful thing he could have said. 

That was something that perhaps only Aira was able to see. He got to see the subtle ways that they showed that they were happy to see the other, or the small things they did to try and make life easier for each other. Both Rei and Eichi felt comfortable enough around Aira to remove the mask they wore in front of others. Aira was the only one who got to see Eichi laugh dismissively when Rei came back that night complaining about the rain and the cold, throwing himself onto the couch and resting his head in the crook of Eichi’s shoulder. 

Aira smiled to himself as he looked at the two out of the corner of his eye. He was excited for the trip for his own reasons, but he was also looking forward to his roommates getting to have that time alone together. 

Chapter Text

Aira remembered vividly the first time he saw Undead perform. He had seen on one of the messageboards he frequented that both Undead and Ryusetai were set to perform at a beach not too far from where he lived. Supposedly, some of the members of Ryusetai were even helping out with the resort restaurant. It seemed a little too good to be true, but the location was only a fifteen minute train ride away, so Aira set off from his house. 

Aira wasn’t a stranger to attending idol events by himself, but usually they were at CD stores or live venues, not at the beach. He felt a little awkward when he first arrived, seeing that many of the people there weren’t idol fans, but rather just normal patrons of the beach and resort. As he got closer to the stage that had been set up, however, he saw more and more people who were there to see the two units and felt more in his element. 

He had just discovered Ryusetai a month ago and had fallen in love. They were so much different from his other (current) favorite, Knights. All of Ryusetai’s songs were so much fun and would always put a smile on his face, helping him power through whatever chore or homework he had to tackle. He had long stopped watching tokusatsu, but the concept of a sentai team of idols (or idols who were a sentai team) was incredibly unique and suited its members. 

Aira had heard of Undead, was aware of them and their members, but their music wasn’t his favorite so he didn’t keep up with them too much, aside from when they appeared with other units he was interested in. He was most familiar with Rei, as he had watched the shaky clip of him and fine’s unit leader on stage several times before. However, he didn’t seem to be with the rest of Undead when they arrived on stage. They first did some sort of bit (?) where Kaoru locked up Adonis and Koga in a cage, the two pretending (??) to be outraged before eventually Adonis broke them out. During this part of the live, Rei announced via live video that he would attend later after the sun had set. 

Aira assumed that he would head back to the train station once Ryusetai had finished up their last set of songs, avoiding getting caught in the mob of Undead’s fans, but as soon as Undead began to actually perform, Aira couldn’t look away.

Their presence on stage was nothing short of incredible. There was just so much power between them, power that was slowly simmering during the more tender notes and exploding outward as the music surged. Adonis’s deep voice stayed in his head for days, the way he gave a rare smile as they sang the line “the promise we exchanged” making him feel oddly safe. Koga was all over the stage, jumping back and forth and coming into some of his moves a half count too early, but Aira could tell that he was having the time of his life and feeling the music with every inch of his body. Kaoru had performed solo while the two younger members were “imprisoned,” his gentle voice and occasional wink causing the audience to erupt in cheers, but he definitely came into his element when he danced alongside his unit mates and was able to play off of their energy. 

During their second set, after the sun had gone down, Rei had taken the stage to near-deafening screams. He entered not with the flirtiness of Kaoru, nor the cockiness of Koga, nor the seriousness of Adonis, but with a casual stride, arms crossed, eyes half-lidded in a way that made him look almost as if he were bored. When he reached the center of the stage, a small smile played on his lips as he admonished Kaoru for his “treachery,” then commended the other three for their performance without him. The music started again, and Rei came alive. The raw energy that he poured into his singing, the way he was able to command the audience with a single look, Aira found him somewhat intimidating but not in a way that made him dislike the unit leader. He had never seen an idol like him before, not one that just dripped confidence and coolness like he did. 

After the show, Aira hurried to snatch up a few bromides from the merch booth, joining the Ryusetai ones he had purchased earlier. That was the rest of his allowance for the month, but it was worth it. On the train ride home, he replayed the performances from both units in his head. He felt like his very bones were buzzing from how happy he was at that moment, and he was already planning the long message he was going to send his internet friend about the show. Aira closed his eyes, imagining that he too could perform on stage beside them, making others feel the same sort of feelings that he felt. 

He had been debating for some time about asking his parents if he could audition for Yumenosaki instead of taking the entrance exam for the high school he was supposed to go to, but had been hesitating. He didn’t know if his parents would say he was being unrealistic or that they wouldn’t be able to afford it or it was too far away…but that night he made up his mind, deciding to ask in the morning.

Aira really loved idols.

-

The first time he had seen fine perform was, coincidentally, the last time that fine had performed with their original members, though he didn’t know it at the time. Many of the lives at Yumenosaki were restricted so that only its students could attend, but Aira happened to see that this show had a block of tickets that were open for the public to purchase. He didn’t think he had ever bought tickets to something so quickly before. 

fine had begun popping up in the idol world almost overnight, from posts on message boards, video clips on Nico that had absolutely been recorded by someone trying not to get caught, and various magazine articles and photo shoots. One of the forums that Aira was on had a few members that claimed to attend Yumenosaki, one of them making a post about how fine was saving their school’s reputation. 

Their live performance was a little different than what he had seen online, though he couldn’t quite place why. Usually their songs filled him with a warm sort of happiness, but that night he almost felt a little sad. Aira assumed it was just his imagination, and focused on the four on stage, their fluid and refined movements highlighting their beauty and elegance. Tsumugi was the leader of the unit, and Nagisa and Hiyori were always in the foreground, whether it be on stage or in photo shoots. Aira’s eyes, however, were usually drawn towards Eichi. Though it wasn’t as wide today, Eichi’s smile was captivating and sweet and made Aira feel like everything was alright in the world. Eichi was the kind of idol that Aira dreamed about being. 

Aira knew that lives at Yumenosaki were usually a competition between units, but he was confused why some of the audience was booing and jeering when the next unit - two people wearing dramatic masks - took the stage. There were a lot of units that he wasn’t fond of, but he would never react like that if they shared the same stage as the group he liked. Aira only knew that the taller of the two was named Hibiki Wataru, and that he was grouped in with four other of the school’s most talented students. Their performance was good, Wataru carrying most of the focus, the way he moved his body almost inhuman. He knew that fine was well loved, but surely this unit had fans, too, didn’t it?

Days later, through tweets from Hiyori, Aira discovered that he and Nagisa had left not only fine but Yumenosaki, with rumors circulating in the replies that Tsumugi had left the unit as well. Aira found himself crying over the news; he loved fine and he was overjoyed that he had finally seen them perform, and now he would never see them together again. That memory now felt strange, knowing that he had been watching their “ending.” Recording had been strictly prohibited and Aira hadn’t seen any cameras, so once the memory started to fade in his mind, it would be gone forever, like it never even happened. It always hurt when a group he liked broke up, but this one hurt so much more.

Months and months went by, and then one day Aira saw the name “fine” again, with multiple people claiming that they were making a comeback. Someone had posted a picture of the fliers from Yumenosaki, confirming that fine was indeed active again, though not with the original members. Aira was incredibly happy to see Eichi front and center in the image, smiling kindly at him. Beside him was the idol that fine had performed against, Wataru, still donning a mask. There were two more featured that Aira had never seen before, one seeming to be more of a “proper” type and the other a “cute” type. Aira was excited that he would get to see Eichi perform again, but he couldn’t imagine the “new” fine sounding just as good as the one he had loved.

Aira did want to see fine, though he kept missing any potential chances he had due to not knowing about it until after the fact, being exclusive to only Yumenosaki students, or some other circumstances like homework or his parents keeping him from going. He was almost able to see them during Yumenosaki’s Tanabata Fest, but his grandfather chose that weekend to stop by and stay, and Aira knew it would be incredibly rude if he left to go to an idol concert. The next morning, as Aira browsed his various social media and message boards, Aira saw hundreds of pictures and video clips of all of the units that had performed, including, surprisingly, Valkyrie. He tried not to be too upset that he hadn’t gone, instead losing himself in the videos from that night. The new fine, he was pleasantly shocked to discover, made him smile just as much as they did with their old lineup, if not moreso.

A day before his audition that would determine if he would attend Yumenosaki, Aira finally saw fine (no longer “the new fine” in his head, just “fine”) perform live. They were performing to help promote some sort of airline, or maybe a travel agency, Aira wasn’t really sure about the specifics, didn’t really care because he was standing in front of the stage, so, so close to the front, finally able to see Eichi in the flesh again. All of them were wonderful; Aira’s mouth went a bit dry from how much he was smiling and cheering the whole time. He was so sure, in that moment, that he would pass his audition, so sure that one day his own dreams would be realized. The lyrics to their song resonated inside of his mind, and he felt like his future was wide open.

Aira really loved idols.

-

Aira knew Kohaku loved idols just as much as he did, but for some reason, there were some things that his former online friend seemed to be in the dark about.

Once the two had established that, yes, they were the person that they had been talking to online for years, Aira was more than excited to finally, finally have someone in real life that he could go to merch stores and collab cafes with. Kohaku seemed happy as well, though it was Aira who was doing most of the decision-making when it came to where they would go.

“What shops do you like?” Aira had asked him one day as the two sat opposite each other in ES’s cafeteria. “There’s a few small second hand stores in Akiba that I don’t think a lot of people know about, but lately I’ve gotten pretty lucky at chains like Book-Off, but not with anything too niche, you know?” 

Kohaku blinked back at him before laughing. “Actually I’ve never actually been ta any kind of goods store.”

“Oh, you just buy stuff online?” He asked. He knew Kohaku lived farther away from ES than he had, so it would make sense if he lived in a small town or something. 

“No, I’ve never had any idol merch.” Kohaku clarified, almost a little sheepishly.

“You haven’t?!” To Aira, part of being an idol fan was supporting your favorites by buying their goods. Maybe Kohaku didn’t have money to spend on that sort of thing, or, more likely, maybe his parents didn’t support his hobbies. After their very temporary fight over the coaster that Aira had gotten (and bragged about), Aira had offered to mail it to him, only for his friend to quickly reply that he didn’t have to do that. “Well it’s time to fix that!”

“I’ll gladly go with ya places, but I don’t know if I’ll actually get anything,” Kohaku said. “I can help ya pick stuff out, though.”

“Yeah I don’t…actually have money to spend on anything right now,” Aira realized belatedly. “But we can still look! And if it’s one of the cafes nearby they’d take L$, I have a little that I can—oh, hang on-“ Out of the corner of his eye, Aira swore he saw a flash of bright red. He turned his head quickly, expecting to see Hiiro approaching, but instead it was just someone’s jacket that was a similar color. 

“Y’okay Love-han?” His friend asked. 

Still not used to being called by his online handle, Aira felt himself turn a little red. “Y-yeah, I thought I saw Hiro-kun.”

“Rinne-han’s little brother? Yer getting along better?” 

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s not always throwing himself on me and acting super close now,” Aira said, trying his best to sound annoyed by it. 

“I met someone like that here recently,” Kohaku laughed. “Rinne-han’s fun and all, but ya got lucky havin’ him be yer unit leader.”

“I’m really happy with how everything turned out,” Aira smiled. Now that the MDM was over and everything had begun to settle, he felt like he could better appreciate the place he had been put into and the friends he had made. 

“Y’know, I’m happy too,” Kohaku smiled back at him. “I’ve gotten to do a lot of things that I never thought someone like me could.”

Aira wanted to question the way Kohaku said “someone like me,” it sounded so negative that it stuck out harshly from the peaceful conversation they were having. 

“Anyways,” Kohaku quickly continued, “I don’t really care where we go or what we do, ‘cause I really just want to be able ta spend time with a friend.”

Aira felt his heart beat faster when his eyes met Kohaku’s; he never expected his internet friend to be so pretty. “Then, let’s go!”

-

After the MDM, Alkaloid got word that the new dormitories were open and they (and Crazy:B) would be moving in there, into seperate rooms with different roommates. Aira had gotten used to their space, he had gotten used to his unit mates’s sleeping quirks and little habits. As an only child, it had been a little difficult to get used to sharing a room and a bathroom, and now he had to get used to it again with different people. 

On the morning that they were to make the move, staff had already come by and gotten their things before they had finished breakfast. The four stood in the empty room, giving each other a big group hug. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t see each other again, of course they would have lessons as well as just seeing one another in the dorms or ES or, with the exception of Tatsumi, at Yumenosaki, but it was still a little sad.

Mayoi had been near-petrified that whoever his new roommates were would find living with him horrible. As Aira overheard Tatsumi trying to gently reassure him otherwise, he thought about his own hesitations. Of course he didn’t know who he would be living with, and the uncertainty of it was probably the scariest part of it. All that he and his unit mates had received over Hold Hands was a room number. He hoped it would be Kohaku, or maybe one of his friends that he had made since arriving like Hajime or even Madara. If it was someone he admired, he didn’t know how he would handle it. If it was someone like Izumi from Knights or Hiyori from Eve, someone beautiful and talented and worlds away from a new “underachiever” like him, he didn’t think he would be able to ever get any sleep.

The lobby and the common areas were much busier that day with other idols moving in and exploring the space. Tatsumi and Mayoi split first from the group, he and Hiiro riding the elevator to the second floor where the redhead departed, leaving Aira to exit on the third. Slowly walking through the hall, he found that his room was at the very end. He looked at the piece of paper taped to the door to confirm it was the right one, and—

Sakuma Rei, Shiratori Aira, Tenshouin Eichi

Aira had to remind himself to start breathing again.

He was sure someone else in the hallway must have seen him just standing outside the door, frozen in place, contemplating his life choices that had led to that moment. In going through the potential roommates that he might have ended up with, Aira hadn’t even considered those two as options. Not that either of them had ever come off as stuck up to him, but living in a shared dorm seemed like it was beneath them. 

Them. The idol he had wanted to become, and the idol that had given the most captivating performances he had ever seen. 

There was the added factor that Eichi was not only the head of Starmaker Productions, but all of Ensemble Square. He had given Aira a new family in Alkaloid, but he had also introduced himself by saying they were all fired and giving them impossible goals. He wasn’t any less star-struck by him than he was before he met him - if anything, having talked to him and seeing how he acted off stage made Aira even more impressed by him. 

Somehow he gained the courage to knock on the door before letting himself in, slowly at first until he realized that he was the only one there. Aira’s things were placed neatly on top of his bed, already made with a fresh set of sheets. It was a big change from when he first moved into the old building and they had to work together to make the place more liveable. Already, Aira liked this room much better than the old one - it was so much bigger, equipped with a soft couch and large TV, a small refrigerator and a bathroom with an actual tub. 

Aira unpacked his things somewhat quickly, wanting to get it done before either of the two came in. He completed his task, breaking down the boxes and piling them on top of each other to take to recycle later. He wasn’t quite sure what to do then; Alkaloid didn’t have another practice scheduled for a few days. The longer he sat on his bed, aimlessly scrolling on his phone, the more anxiety bubbled up inside of him as every set of footsteps he heard outside was potentially one of his new roommates. So he did the sensible thing and left, texting Kohaku as he was perhaps the only person who would understand him then.

“Helphelphelphelphelphelp helphelp Im gonna die in. The courtyard help”

Aira was more than a little surprised when Kohaku found him sitting under the tree so quickly, breathing heavily like he had run all the way there.

“What’s wrong?!” He asked, seeming genuinely concerned. 

Maybe, Aira thought, he could have used at least one or two less “help”s and given a little more context. “Nothing?? I mean, everything, but nothing, like, really bad.” 

Kohaku stared at him, analyzing him for any sign that he was in actual danger, slumping down to the ground next to him when he saw no cause for immediate worry. “Love-han, what the heck? I thought somethin’ bad happened.”

“Sorry,” Aira said, really not realizing that Kohaku would have taken his text so seriously. “I moved into my new room and got really nervous and I knew you were the only one that would get it.”

“Yeah?” Kohaku said, still struggling to catch his breath. “Yer livin’ with someone ya like?”

“It’s Tenshouin-senpai from fine and Sakuma-senpai from Undead!” Aira whispered loudly, not wanting to attract any attention.

Kohaku burst out into laughter. “Ya used to be obsessed with both of them,” He pointed out the obvious. “Ya either got super lucky or unlucky, dependin’ on how ya look at it.”

“It’s unlucky,” Aira groaned. “I haven’t even seen either of them yet, but…living with them?! In the same room?? Seeing what they’re like off stage and out of their agencies and just…??? That’s why I said I was gonna die!”

“Remember the first time ya introduced me to Undead, ya showed me that clip of them and fine when Sakuma-“

“I can’t think about that now!” Aira covered his face with his hands. The last thing he needed was to be reminded that he used to ship them together. “I haven’t even seen them in there yet and already I’m like this, they’re going to think I’m some gross otaku.”

“I don’t think so,” Kohaku said. “Ya already know Tenshouin, so shouldn’t ya be used to him?”

“Only ever in, like, a work environment.” Aira brought his knees closer to his chest. “This is different.”

Kohaku chuckled again, placing a hand on Aira’s head. The gesture was probably intended to be comforting, but it made Aira’s heart race even more. “Yer gonna be fine.” He said gently. “They’re just normal people.”

Aira wanted to counter that since coming to ES and Yumenosaki, he could really describe any of the people that he met as “normal,” but he understood the sentiment. Aira found himself leaning into Kohaku’s touch, feeling incredibly comfortable with him by his side. 

The two talked for a bit longer before Kohaku said he had to head to CosPro’s office. Aira decided to stay out a bit longer, eventually ending up hanging out with Sora, Yuuta, and Yuuki in the lobby playing games for a few hours before deciding to have lunch together. 

Later that afternoon, Aira headed back to the third floor, knocking again even though it was his room as well. He was still the only one there. Hours passed, and still neither of his two roommates came in. Eventually, he started getting sleepy and laid in his bed (soft!), assuming that the next day would be the day that they would show up.

The next day came and went, and then another, and Aira still had not seen any sign of the two. Their beds were also made, and some books and necessities were there that didn’t belong to Aira, but that was it. He was starting to wonder if them being assigned a dorm room was just a formality and that they wouldn’t actually be staying there at all. He had been nervous about living with such big idols, but thinking that they might not come at all made him a little sad. 

It was Sunday, and Aira was trying to be responsible by going to bed somewhat early. He was in bed, at least, but watching clips from a music program that Trickstar had been on the day before. He had already gotten used to being alone in the room, so he didn’t even think about putting in his earbuds or having the sound lower. If he hadn’t had the volume up as loud as he did, he probably would have heard the click of the door unlocking. 

“Is that the show they were just on?” 

Aira yelped and dropped his phone on his face, scrambling to sit upright and meet the gaze of Eichi.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Eichi laughed gently. 

“Y-you didn’t,” Aira said automatically, even though it was very obvious that he had. “It’s um, yeah, from last night…”

“Please don’t stop watching on my account.” Eichi continued as he made his way over to his bed, looking at how the staff had arranged his things. “I’ve never really stayed in a room with anyone else before, so I’m looking forward to it. I’m sure it will be quite fun.”

“Before Alkaloid I hadn’t either,” Aira said quietly. He just said he was looking forward to being in a room with me.

Eichi hummed softly to himself as he took some things from his laptop bag. Aira had to do everything in his power not to stare, but he was fighting a losing battle. As Kohaku had said, he should have been used to being in Eichi’s presence, but he wasn’t. Especially now that they weren’t on stage, weren’t in a conference room, just casually in their dorm room together, Aira thought he might melt into a puddle from how flustered he felt. He was reminded of fanfiction he read when he was much younger with silly scenarios like “your favorite idol adopts you!” or something equally unrealistic.