Chapter Text
January 843
Levi’s left leg twinged with every bit of pressure he placed on it, making him grimace and limp slightly down the hallway of Reiss Manor. He hated this particular hallway, for it held the various portraits of the family, the children, the grandparents and grandparents before them. They were all sombre and creepy, pale faces and eyes shining violet as if it had swallowed a star of such a colour. And the way the artist drew them made Levi feel as if his every move was being watched, but perhaps that was how that was meant to be perceived.
The servant led him to the large hall and closed the door behind him. The floor was covered with hardwood which echoed beautifully under his feet, and atop of him hung a crystal chandelier that glittered from the afternoon sun streaming through the open windows. Frieda was chatting to her butler with a smile on her face. A singular cocktail table stood near her, atop which held a sample bouquet of flowers and an empty champagne glass.
She took notice of him immediately as he stepped in. “Levi!” She called excitedly and held out her hand. He took it in his and kissed the top of it as he ought to.
“You haven’t gone home yet?” Frieda asked, her dark hair swaying freely behind her when she tilted her head. They were quite beautiful, and perhaps even more so on the occasions where he had seen her pull them into neat curls atop her head, adorned with jewels.
“I thought I would stick around to accompany you as you do your errands.”
“It is terribly dull today.” She smiled. “How is your leg? I saw you landing badly a while ago. Have you called for the doctor?”
“I have. It’s just small sprain.” A small sprain that certainly felt like crap, regardless. Curse the Council for their stupid, stupid tests.
“That’s good, I hope. Today’s test was far too extreme, in my opinion. They shouldn’t have made you try to jump off a tower like that.”
Levi shrugged. “I couldn’t just let you fall.”
“Oh, it’s not as if I would have died.” Frieda rolled her eyes. “The Council just has a stick up their arses. Honestly, when would I ever need to be saved from falling to my death?”
Frieda laughed, a joyous tinkle that was befitting of a young lady. She looped her arms through his and began to stroll around the room, pointing at the various ideas she had for decorating the hall. There was to be a ball in a few weeks, hosted by none other than Lord Reiss, himself, in celebration of Frieda’s twentieth birthday. Suitors would be coming for her soon, and without a doubt, she would marry within the year, and have children by the next.
The cycle repeats: birth, inheritance, marriage, death. On and on and on.
Levi forgot himself and made a too harsh step. His left leg flared unhappily. He hissed in pain, leaning over to look at his foot and waiting for his pain to subside before allowing Frieda to lead him forward again.
“Usually with this sort of injury, I thought you might have wanted to go home early.” She remarked, sharp as always. “Any reasons why you’re avoiding home right now?”
Levi chewed on his tongue, the words he wanted to say were too bitter, too disrespectful for him to say to Frieda in front of her butler. Certainly, Frieda wouldn’t mind if he swore or cursed or dissed every noble asshole that lived within these three Walls. But her tattling servants were different. They would tell the Council, and then the Council would call it disloyalty and treason, and they would question the Bond.
Then Kenny would have to be involved, another scandal would occur. Levi bit his tongue and held back the words. He has had quite enough scandals and punishments for a lifetime.
“I’d rather not be home to make passive aggressive noises at Kenny, right now.” Something was wrong with his family. Levi recognised that. They were dysfunctional, strange, with a certain quality of je ne sais quois that made them simultaneously close knit and distant. This was how they treated each other.
Frieda nodded in sympathy. “He told you, then? Of the Council’s order?”
More like he slapped the written decree onto the table and said, “If you got questions, ask Frieda.”
“Fucking barely.” He huffed, and noticed the butler's eyes widening disapprovingly in the background. Levi could really care less. He cared more about the paper and its contents. And the paper said he was to be married.
Fuck.
He always knew he would marry, as was the fate of many of those carrying noble blood, and especially so because he was an Ackerman. Yet while the Council cared not who he married or if he did - so long as the spouse was not too pitiful in social rank and wealth - they did care if he would produce offspring.
The only exception ever was Kenny, who never married or had kids, but that was because Kenny had Uri Reiss, and Uri loved him too much to force him into anything. It was rare for a vassal to love their liege, even rarer to have such feelings reciprocated. The Council had to bite their tongue in that case and accepted Kenny’s years of service to the Crown as enough, despite their desire for more Ackermans.
They turned their attention to Levi’s mother and the side branches of the Ackermans after that. It proved more fruitful, for now there were two Ackermans in service and one who was due to train at the Southern Training Corps in a few years. Mikasa was a bright one, if a bit quiet, but Levi had no doubt that they might even put her on the fast track program to join the MP early. After that, Levi’s and Mikasa’s children, if any, would grow to serve the Founder.
The cycle continued.
“Do you know who you will be marrying?” Frieda asked and pulled him from his thoughts. The butler had gone off, and they had moved to the outdoor garden and were taking a light walk among the plants, though there wasn’t much to watch, not with how cold it was outside this time of year.
“Erwin Smith.” Levi sighed bitterly.
“The Survey Corps’ Captain.”
“That’s him.”
There were talks about reigning in the Survey Corps’ movements for some time. They were becoming too bold, too brazen for the likes of the Council. They would ruin the stability of the Walls. Frieda, herself, was also concerned, though she probably hadn’t fathomed Levi’s marriage as an option to remedy that.
Levi knew his place as an Ackerman, and he had expected this marriage somewhat. But to have it actually happen to him felt violating, nauseating.
“He’s a good man.” She said, tapping a snow on lower tree branches so that the white powder would drop in piles on the ground. Levi would liken that drop to an animal taking a shit, crude as it sounded.
“You’ve met him?” Levi asked.
“A few times. He was at the Banks Gala a few months ago. He’s quite charming. And tall.”
“Unsurprising.” The Survey Corps has always had the most influential leaders at its helm.
“Actually he was even more charming than Shadis, which surprised me. Something about just how he conducts himself is charming. But this marriage does seem a little desperate. I honestly didn’t think Erwin Smith would have agreed at all when my father suggested for him to marry you.”
Levi sat there quietly, bathing in the warm sun, and tried to not think about how, regardless of whether Erwin Smith agreed, Levi would be getting married. He would have a sham of a marriage, and his opinions on the matter - about who he could love or marry - was irrelevant. His fate was out of his control.
He half wanted to ask Frieda if she had tried to convince the Council to let him be, but undoubtedly she probably did. With her limited power on the Council, however, there wasn’t much she could do, not when her father had been keen on marrying Levi off for a while now.
“When is the wedding?”
“August.” He said.
“That is a lovely season for weddings.” She counted the months on her fingers. Seven months or so from now. “But don’t the Survey Corps have expeditions from March? What about your fiancé - are you sure he won’t die in the next expedition before the wedding?”
“He had been benched in the foreseeable future, as far as I know. The Council and the Survey Corps commander ordered it.” Levi huffed. “Do you think he’s moping about it somewhere? I heard he’s an unconventional one. Likes to gamble his chances with titans, apparently.”
Frieda hummed, unsmiling. “Perhaps it runs in the family. His father was arrested and executed for teaching seditious lessons many years ago, after all. The son was the demise of the father.”
Levi raised his brows at that. “What kind of seditious teachings?”
“The only one that matters.” Frieda looked at him, her eyes glowing iridescent with the telltale signs of the Founder’s will.
Levi hated it when she became this persona that she had once promised to renounce upon her inheritance of the Founder. He had watched her fight with every fibre of her being to deny the will of a cowardly king that had no business to dictate the life of his children and their children. But they all lose in the end, and Levi was still sitting there with Frieda, both of them like those before them, unable to break free.
What different were they from slaves, besides only their more lavish clothes and jewels?
“You’ll like him though.” Frieda smiled again, and Levi caught the moment when the glow faded from her eyes, returning to her normal self. “Better him than the Survey Corps Commander.”
“Oh, don’t even tease about that.” Levi groaned and threw his head back while Frieda laughed.
“It won’t be so bad. You’ll be given all the perks of having a military captain as a spouse.”
“You know I am an MP Captain, right?”
“Yes, it never ceases to amaze me how much you can remind me of you and your MP salary.”
“Money you use to buy chocolates. For yourself.”
“You said you don’t like chocolate! What else was I supposed to do besides eat it all?”
Levi gave her his most exasperated glare. There was no winning against Frieda when it came to chocolates.
“I’ll write to you. Every month. Every week if you want.” She offered, all bright and bubbly and happy, contrasting with the cold hard weight that had just dropped in Levi’s stomach at her words.
He stopped in his tracks. “Why would you have to write to me?”
Frieda’s expression fell. Her mouth opened to say something but then she failed to. So she wrung the fabric of her skirt beneath her fingers and frowned instead.
“Frieda, what had the Council ordered?” He asked sternly.
After a moment of silence, she replied. “You’re going to Shiganshina with Erwin. They want you to be there to watch him.”
“What of my duties in Orvud? And to you?”
“Father had been pulling some strings. The MP Commander there had been looking for a suitable successor for a while but his subordinate seemed still too green to take over. Father thought you would like the promotion, so he recommended you for it.”
“Didn’t care to ask, did he.” Levi scowled, turning to look at the statue they had placed here in the garden, beneath the cover of the pavilion. Karl Fritz stood tall and regal, his eyes vacant and looking forward, resolute and stern. But like the paintings in the hallway, Levi felt as if his eyes were watching him, too, for just standing there.
He swallowed his hurt, his anger and his humiliation, because that was what they told him to do, that was what they told him would guarantee his prosperity, his future. Kenny used to tell him to not listen too hard. But lately, he hasn’t said anything, and he certainly hasn’t spoken his opinions about Levi’s new posting or his future marriage either.
Levi’s hands balled into fists at his side. He trembled, trying to hold back his urge to kick King Fritz’s white head off in seething anger. He didn’t know what hurted more: the constant attention from the Council or the lack-thereof from Kenny.
It was frustrating, and he felt his throat tightening the more he told himself to breathe, to swallow it down.
“I have to go.” He swallowed, already stepping away.
“Levi, please.”
“Goodbye, Frieda.”
“Levi, I’m sorry.” She pleaded. It wasn’t her fault that any of this happened, but he wouldn't turn to her, not with his breath so short and his skin iced from the dread that had crawled all over him.
Levi raced out the door and shuddered in the winter weather. Yet, at least there was consolation in that this was much more tolerable than the misery coursing through his veins the entire walk home.
February 843
He avoided Reiss manor for a while after. He threw himself into his work, because there were always things to do when you’re an MP Captain on the surface, but also a bodyguard to the real Crown behind all that.
Occasionally he joined Kenny and his secret squad in their investigations with prying, too observant citizens. Sometimes, Kenny and him would even go shooting on the weekend to bring back game, which they would then pay a copper or two for the butcher to skin and chop for them. There weren’t a lot of wild game left in the woods near Orvud, simply because there wasn’t a proper law in place to dictate a shooting season, so most of the hares and birds have since been farmed. There was still sport to shooting for game, however, one that Kenny enjoyed, and Levi could indulge him in that, at least.
They go home together after work every once in a while, too, talking about current issues in the newspaper, the weather, and even thoughts about renovating their townhouse in Shiganshina.
But there were no talks about the wedding or Levi’s future in Shiganshina. Neither of them talked about it.
A little over a week after his talk with Frieda, he received a letter, the first of many that would come to his office that spring. The penmanship was elegant and neat on off-white paper that Levi raised his brows at. That wasn’t some mere paper - that was expensive paper that would be splurged on were you someone living in an at least well-off or noble household.
The wax seal stared at him, the wings of freedom printed into it burning holes in Levi’s lungs, making it breath shallow and difficult. There could only be one person who would send him this letter.
Levi broke the seal and opened the letter with sweating palms, half wondering why he was getting so nervous over mere paper and ink. He read it quickly but carefully, mumbling the words under his breath before stopping suddenly, as his eyes failed to move from the words on the page:
It would honour me greatly to be able to see you at the approaching ball celebrating Ms, Frieda Reiss’ birthday, which I hear you will be in attendance. I hope to get to know you better with courtship, if you would let me, so that we might be less foreign to each other. Most of all, I hope we might be at least friends.
Levi leaned back on his chair. He almost wanted to scoff at the notion that Erwin had suggested, but something in him grew hopeful at the thought that if Erwin had the decency to ask such a friendship from him, then perhaps Erwin wasn’t the usual military pricks that Levi knew. But that would be a very rare occurrence that would only be found if Levi had such a benefit of doubt that Erwin was the kind of tolerable person to be around. And Levi did not like doubting. So he shoved the letter into the bottom cabinet of his desk and slammed it shut without so much as a thought to even reply or finish the rest of the letter, and got back to his work.
He had practically almost forgotten about the entire thing until February rolled around and the weekend of Frieda’s birthday ball arrived. He had taken Frieda shopping the morning of, mostly for chocolates and plants that she would put in personal garden on her bedroom window. When the night fell, Kenny and him had eaten and worn their best clothes before taking a carriage to Reiss manor.
The ball was no minor affair, and no less than ten aristocratic families have turned up, alongside at least six military commanders with their own guests. And then there were the Councilmen and their families to consider, too.
The hall that Levi had always admired in its most empty state was full of people dressed to the nines in jewels and feathers. The richest of them all wore pearls around their necks and on brooches and pins. Frieda was adorned in such a necklace herself, though it was simpler in taste and more suitable for a young lady than the ones found on Lady Dory’s trunk of a neck. In fact, Frieda dressed beautifully in a lavender gown with accents of white, completed with a white ermine shawl around her shoulders and arms.
The bachelors in the room made haste to greet her the minute she came into the room, and Levi, ever the protective bodyguard, had subtly stood behind her while she chatted and floated about to greet her guests.
Erwin came to him some time after supper and before the final dance. Before that, the Survey Corps Commander had already briefly congratulated Frieda in passing and mentioned that Erwin would be late due to some unexpected work. When Erwin came to congratulate Frieda, however, Levi hadn’t even realised that it was his fiancé before the man was dipping down to kiss Frieda’s hand, and the birthday girl beamed.
“Erwin Smith as I live and breathe! I almost thought you might have missed my birthday, what with how you’ve always declined these kinds of things!”
“I could never miss your birthday, Ms. Frieda.” He smiled, teeth showing through his lips. It made his entire face glow, that smile, alongside that perfectly combed golden hair.
Levi had not expected for his fiancé to look so… young. He knew that the Survey Corps’ average age was generally younger than other regiments due to their high death rates, but looking at Shadis, he really thought he would be marrying someone almost as old.
Erwin was in his early thirties at most. There were signs of crows’ feet creeping into his eyes and frown lines on his forehead, but Levi could care less about them when Erwin’s pale blue eyes glanced upwards, and met Levi’s while he chatted with Frieda. His nose was a little crooked, but somehow, it worked to make Erwin even more handsome. A little imperfection that was Erwin’s equivalent of a beauty mark, Levi might even ponder.
He wore a single breasted coat, well tailored and crisp with a neat, white pocket square. A gold chain crossed from his vest’s buttons to its pocket, holding a pocket watch. And on his hands, a pair of white gloves.
There was nothing about Erwin for Levi to comment upon unless he was in the mood to praise someone for looking like they were a prince straight out of a fairytale. Though Levi did stare without realising he was staring until he felt an arm pull him forward.
“Sorry, I’ve been terribly rude for not introducing you. Erwin, may I introduce to you Captain Levi Ackerman of the Orvud District MP.” Frieda looped her arm around his to prevent him from escaping. “And Levi, this is Captain Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps.”
Levi’s eyes widened comically as he glanced at Erwin, unsure. But then Erwin was looking back at him, waiting on his move because of course, proper etiquette dictated Levi’s first move. Levi cleared his throat and extended a gloved hand. “It’s a pleasure, Captain Smith.”
Erwin was supposed to shake it, but he took it in his hand instead, and kissed the back of it with the lightest touch. “The pleasure is all mine.”
Frieda’s hand subtly nudged beneath Levi’s chin to push his ajar mouth closed. She pressed her lips together in amusement, then turned to Erwin. “Captain, it would make my night if you would do me a favour and take my dear friend Levi here and dance with him.”
Erwin’s eyes widened marginally at the suggestion. Levi thought then that he must not know how to dance, because not everyone came to these balls knowing how to dance. Levi did, in fact he loved to dance, but he wasn’t about to dance with someone who would be stepping on his toes to catch up.
“Frieda.” He started.
“Oh don’t give me that frown. Go have fun, Levi.” She pushed at his shoulder encouragingly. “I asked them to include your favourite songs in tonight’s programme for you.”
“That’s not the-”
“I would be honoured to dance with you, Captain Ackerman.” Erwin said, extending his hand expectantly. “If you would allow me the pleasure.”
Levi glanced at him and found only confidence. Whether it was false or not, he had yet to decide. In the end, he let go of Frieda and placed his palm into Erwin’s much larger one. He allowed himself to be led to the dance floor, but not before turning his head once to give Frieda his most grudging glare. But then she unfolded her fan to hide her laugh, her happy glinting eyes visible behind the lace frills, and Levi sighed inwardly. The things he did for her sake, honestly.
The dance started and to Levi’s pleasant surprise, Erwin was not a babbling bumbling band of baboons when it came to ballroom dancing. He was actually rather adequate in leading, which made Levi’s job of following much more enjoyable.
“Did I surprise you with my dancing skills, Captain?” Erwin asked. This close, Levi could only look away to hide his embarrassment at being caught so red handed in underestimating his fiancé. He hoped his cheeks weren’t aflame, too.
“How did you figure?”
“It showed on your face.” He said easily, smiling as if it didn’t offend him at all. “Do you like dancing, Captain?”
“Yes, I do.” He loved it, in fact. It was the only tolerable thing about these functions and the aristocrats, and it was that they knew how to fucking dance. “You’re quite good. I hadn’t had a good dancing partner in a while.”
“That is a relief. I had worried that if I were to trip or step on your toes during the dance, then you would decide that you’re better off not marrying me.”
“Do you think that I would enjoy such drama?”
“Perhaps. A lot of people here do. But it seems not you.” Erwin shrugged. “You are a logical man, then? One preferring calm temperament and sense.”
“This is suddenly sounding a lot like an interview and less of the courtship you wrote to me about.” Levi narrowed his eyes, and Erwin licked his lips, smiling with a boyish awkwardness.
“I apologise. I’m… not used to courtship.”
“I can tell.” Levi said flatly. “But if you must now, yes, I prefer things and people to be sensible and logical. One's career might not take off, otherwise.”
“Hm, then we are in agreement.” Erwin smiled. “By the way, I must say that you look very handsome tonight, Captain Ackerman.”
“Hm, much better.” Levi nodded, unsmiling. But something about it made Erwin brighten anyways, not unlike a puppy, albeit a 190cm tall, golden puppy, Levi thought with humour. “You don’t look too shabby as well.”
Erwin chuckled. “I try.”
“And since we’re in the spirit of getting to know each other, I have a question for you, Captain Smith.”
“Ask away, Captain. And please, call me Erwin.”
Levi blinked at the earnest familiarity. “Alright, Erwin. Why did you agree to marry me?”
Erwin tilted his head. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“No, you can’t turn the question around like that.”
“Your uncle warned me that you would be wary of me.” Erwin smirked.
“Was that the words he used?” Levi huffed. “Not suspicious or paranoid? ”
“Umh…”
“Figured he would say that. He’s a hypocrite. Lesson one: Don’t listen too closely to the in-laws.” Levi shook his head. “Now answer the question.”
“Duly noted.” Erwin chuckled, then fell quiet as they stepped through some manoeuvres that separated them for just a bit. The only sounds were the song playing and the footsteps tapping rhythmically as they danced. When they came back into each others’ spaces again, Erwin continued. “I never intended to marry, to be honest. I only recently thought of it because… it is the right time for someone like me.”
“You hardly look even thirty.” Levi pointed out.
Erwin laughed. “I’m flattered you think that, but I’m at least two and thirty.”
“A meagre five year gap between us and here you are, fussing about marriage.” Levi huffed, amused. “If I had a copper for every time someone so much as hissed at me about getting married and having children, I could probably buy a house in Mitras three times over.”
Erwin chuckled again, lower and smaller this time. His breath fanned against Levi’s cheeks, smelling of peppermint. Oh, Erwin was definitely a man after Levi’s heart.
The song started to end, and they dipped into a bow with pleased smiles. But instead of heading back to Frieda as he initially intended to, Levi found himself following Erwin to get refreshments instead.
“People have nagged at you to have children?” Erwin asked. “Including your uncle?”
“Oh, never from Kenny. He detests kids. He would live happily without ever getting grandnephews and nieces.” Levi snorted. “It’s a miracle he managed to raise me.”
“Do you like children, then?”
“I like them fine. So long as they aren’t sticky.” Which most are, Levi thought with a grimace. He grabbed two filled glasses of lemonades and passed one to Erwin. The Captain took it gratefully and downed half of it in his thirst.
“Do you desire to have children? Now or some time later.” He asked after, swirling the lemon slice in the glass. His tone was most suspicious and almost hopeful in a way that made Levi a little wary.
The reality was that regardless of Levi’s desires, his life’s mission was dedicated to Frieda, his personal life to be shared with a stranger’s, and his children, when they are inevitably forced upon him, would be dedicated to Frieda’s lineage. So no, Levi does not want children that would only be born into slavery to serve an ideal he doesn’t believe in. But he will have to have them. It was only a matter of time. And he hated the thought of it every time he was reminded.
“Do you ?” He asked Erwin back, sipping on his drink.
Erwin inhaled deeply. “I don’t like the thought of children.”
“Why is that?”
“People in the Survey Corps - we don’t marry, not to mention have children. And I-” Erwin pressed his lips together. “I am quite unlovable in my position as a Captain of the Corps. And children - they tend to latch onto parents in unconditional love. They don’t know better. And if that was the case, then I would not want them to simply love me for the purpose of me existing, not when I know I would not be able to care for it as I should and that I might die some years before they are grown enough to fend for themselves.”
“What is so wrong about being loved for just existing?” Levi frowned. There was something particularly self-deprecating and vulnerable in Erwin’s admittance, something ingrained deep that made his brows twitch just slightly downwards and his lips curl sadly.
“It feels wrong.” Erwin said simply. Levi disagreed, but couldn’t speak his mind when Erwin seemed so melancholic and upset.
Levi watched him twirl the lemon slice again, and finally growing annoyed, he took the almost empty glass from him and handed him a champagne flute. “It sounds pitiful to not have at least someone out there who loves you unconditionally.”
Erwin sighed through his nose. “You should know that I prioritise the Survey Corps and the lives tied to it more than anything. And while I know that this marriage is a political move for you as much as it is for me without either of us saying it aloud to each other-”
Levi sipped on his champagne to hide his face behind the flute and his hands.
“-you have a right to expect things from a spouse. But if you had expected romance, I apologise now so you might know that I am sincere when I say this: romance isn’t something I am capable of at the moment, I’m sorry.”
Levi removed the flute from his face, idly noting the lip stain against the rim of the flute. His body felt heavy as if they had received the weight of Erwin’s words in a literal sense, and he was overcome with a desire to tell Erwin that he was wrong in everything he believed about marriage and love.
Levi knew the world was cruel, he knew that marriage could be unkind, and love could be fickle. But his mother had once told him, “There are no requirements for love except only to be born.”
He pitied Erwin for what wretchedness consumed the poor man’s soul so much that he could not fathom love as a right of existence rather than an act earned by taking from Life’s iron fists.
“At least, the good thing about arranged marriages is that I don’t necessarily have to love you to marry you then.” Levi said. “I guess I’ll have to take pity on you and your unlovable-ness instead. How terrible.” He tapped his flute against Erwin’s and slowly raised it to his lips again.
Erwin fixed on him with surprise before closing his mouth in contemplation. Then, he managed what was passable as the barest hint of relief in a smile. “Thank you, Captain Ackerman.”
“You can call me Levi.”
He smiled wider, golden joy radiating from his expression. “Thank you, Levi .”
They talked for a while longer before Shadis eventually came around to request for Erwin’s presence with some other Lordling. Knowing that, however, Levi suspected that Erwin would be kept away from him for the rest of the night. And tomorrow, Erwin would be leaving for Shiganshina early in the morning. Some parts of Levi mourned the idea of not being able to speak to Erwin for longer, but that might be because they had only just met and gotten along relatively well. And at least, Erwin was less insufferable than the rest of the ton.
“You should go do your job before Shadis bursts a vein in his eye from glaring at us that hard.” Levi said, glancing at the Commander who was staring at them with no less attentiveness than a hawk. Frieda’s butler would be put to shame.
“This will be our goodbye then, at least for now.” Erwin said quietly, and if Levi were exaggerating, he might even say that Erwin was mourning the brief time they had together. “If I write to you, will you respond?”
“Depends. How often do you intend to write?” Levi challenged.
“As often as you appear in my thoughts and dreams.”
Levi almost choked on his spit. “Hilarious, Smith. What am I, your lover?”
Erwin laughed in his chest. Then he took Levi’s free hand in his and kissed the back of it slowly - sincerely. Levi hoped that his high collared shirt and cravat could cover up what heat that had seemed to crawl all the way up his neck because of the kiss.
“I’ll keep my letters sparse then. But I sincerely hope you’ll write back.”
“Tch. Enough stalling. Your Commander is glaring.”
“You still haven’t answered my question from before, by the way. The one about children.”
“Oh…” Levi faltered, a little nervous being put on the spot and under Erwin’s attention. But he knew what his thoughts were despite the Council. And knowing what he knew about Erwin now, he thought it would be alright to share with him the details of his thoughts. If anything, Erwin was the least likely to rat him out to the Council.
“I guess I share your sentiment.”
“Thank you for telling me.” Erwin replied. It was a radiant and beautiful smile of relief at Levi’s words. He kissed his hand again. “Goodnight, Levi.”
And then he left, slipping himself into the crowd to find Shadis to fulfil their duties to the Corps.
Levi spent a moment watching his back before he disappeared from sight, then quietly made his way through the room to find Frieda. After sending her latest conversationalist off, she turned to him with a grin and offered him another champagne. He took it gratefully.
“Erwin swooped you off your feet, didn’t he?” She asked. Levi scratched his nose with his middle finger and looked away unsubtly, to which Frieda responded by bursting into giggles. “I told you he was charming.”
“Tch.” He looked out into the crowd again. At the behest of his traitorous hammering heart, he searched for sunshine between muted dark suits while his left hand drew over the top of his right with the barest pressure, circling the place where Erwin’s lips had twice touched.
August 843
Erwin’s letters came sparingly but regularly. There was only once when for two consecutive weeks, there were a letter each, but usually, they came once a fortnight. During the week before the May expedition and at least a week or two after, there were no letters. The letter after that, Erwin frantically apologised for not writing sooner and excused it on the hectic work that he has had since.
Levi found it amusing that for someone who claimed himself to be so unlovable and unromantic, Erwin was the exact opposite in how earnest and detailed he wrote of the life around him:
The sky has been very clear as of late, and the fields near the barracks have turned white because of the daisies that have bloomed all over. Interestingly, they almost remind me of the fine snow that we have had in the winter, which is rather contradictory to flowers blooming, don’t you think? Perhaps when the weather is mild enough, and if you would allow it, we should have a picnic to enjoy the daisies.
Levi shook his head with a smile after reading. It was adorable, really. Erwin’s letters were lovely and they spoke volumes of how observant he was, of his strangely romantic disposition towards the most minute things such as the wind or the grass and clouds. Reading Erwin’s letters was like reading novels about ordinary life, but Levi found it so unordinary and interesting that he would occasionally come back to certain letters just to see how Erwin had described the sound of the windchimes hung in the Survey Corps barracks.
There was just a small issue, however: Levi had not responded to a single letter.
Frieda called him cruel (not in a mean way). Kenny called him - well, Kenny didn’t call him anything, but he did throw his head back and laughed so hard that his hat fell off while they were fishing. “If blue balls was a person, it would be you, Levi.” He cackled and Levi rolled his eyes, telling himself to not think too hard on Kenny’s comment.
Time passed by quickly. The season changed from spring to summer, and the plants he had gotten Frieda for her birthday grew purple and white buds. Frieda had been so delighted by them that she asked the groundskeeper at Reiss Manor to plant a whole bed of the same plant in one of the corners of the garden, replacing the withered tulips. One weekend, she had passed by his home on her weekend shopping trip to hand him a terracotta pot with said plant.
Levi stared in horror as she placed it on the windowsill of the drawing room. “Frieda, what the fuck is that.”
“They’re violets! You bought some for me for my birthday, remember?”
“No, they’re dirt and worms - inside the house.”
“Oh hush, you. They’ll bloom in a bit, and then you’ll eat your comments about dirt and worms when you see how pretty they are.” She stuck out her tongue. “And you better take good care of these lest you want two thousand years worth of Founding titans wrath upon you.”
Levi rolled his eyes, but relented in adopting the plant-child and grew a habit to look at it every day. It reminded him of Frieda’s eyes at first, until one day, whilst reading Erwin’s latest letter on the armchair by the window, he glanced at the flowers and wondered how Erwin would have described them, how he would weave a story or a feeling out of the colours and textures of the delicate heart shaped petals.
Levi knew that Erwin liked flowers - he had described enough of them in his letters. He would love the little pot of violets and make poems Levi would tell him about it. But all Levi could do was sit by the windowsill and watch the blooming buds as if they would somehow write words for him.
Erwin’s words were beautiful and sophisticated. Levi’s? Not so much. His words felt inadequate to reply to Erwin’s sophistication on paper. He didn’t know how to write the mundane parts of his life to spark such curiosity and joy, and he couldn’t exactly talk about his family or the Reiss - the unspeakable topics. So he never wrote back even if he wished he could. He settled for waiting until Erwin would come to Orvud for the wedding. He would show Erwin the violets then.
August was a hectic month, mostly because Levi had taken up most of the wedding planning while Erwin tried to cluelessly decipher between sunflower yellow or golden embroidery details on the napkins. If Levi was slightly of his depth in planning for this wedding, then Erwin was entirely unequipped. Erwin had even asked whether they could simply just get married in their formal, green military coats, and Frieda had gaped at him, appalled at the suggestion.
She affirmed furiously. "I would rather die than let you two get married looking like grasshoppers.”
Erwin frowned and looked to Levi for help, but Levi had intentionally turned to his tea cup to take a long, long sip and avoid the need to address the matter. Some things, Levi realised, needed to be left to the experts. Which meant sometimes, it was better to not argue against Frieda and her insistence that ivory and off white were two different colours.
The wedding ceremony itself happened at the church on the outskirts of Orvud where the Reiss family had always held their religious preaching. There was a priest that was to be their officiant, and it had gone as Levi had expected, save for the moment when Erwin had walked down the aisle in his white suit.
Once again, Levi was struck dumb by the fact that were it not for his slightly crooked nose, Erwin would be the textbook definition of a fairytale prince. Yes, he had seen the draft for the suit before, and yes, his own suit is practically identical to Erwin’s, but it looked much different in their respective physiques. Levi looked and felt like a dressed up peacock: short and overrated. Meanwhile, Erwin looked like a dream.
Erwin looked over at him as well while they stood before the priest. “You look stunning.”
“Tch. Flatterer.”
“I’m being honest.”
A moment went on before Levi internally kicked himself to respond. “You look good, too.”
“Thank you. I feel like a decorative Christmas tree, though.” Erwin shrugged. Levi glanced at the various ribbons and medals adorning the left side of Erwin’s chest, then at the sash that hung from his left shoulder, crossing over his chest and to his right hip.
“I can see the resemblance.” Levi had to bite his lip to stop himself from even exhibiting the barest trace of a smile. “I guess we’re both shitty Christmas trees.”
“Two shitty Christmas trees getting married. If this is modern entertainment then truly humanity has reached its lowest.” He teased, earning him Levi’s pointed elbow jabbed at his gut. Levi pressed his lips together tightly and willed every muscle in his body to not succumb to Erwin's humour.
The rest of the ceremony and later dinner reception were a blur to Levi. He recalled being ushered into a carriage to head for Reiss Manor where their reception was planned, a few hours worth of a pitiful nap, and then more preparations and hours upon hours of greeting strangers and family alike.
In the past, Ackermans have always gotten married at Larstur Hall in Ehrmich, but then the Reiss had moved northeast, and so the Ackermans moved northeast.
Not that Levi cared about that. In truth, he held more connection to the Underground than he did towards his ancestral home. He knew nothing of Larstur Hall, but he knew the exact Underground church where his mother had gotten married because she had pointed it out to him whenever they passed by, reminding him that she had gotten married there in her favourite blue dress and with strangers as witnesses.
She probably wouldn’t have cared about Larstur Hall or Reiss Manor either, not when she had something better - something no amount of flowers or gold embroidered wedding suits in Levi’s own wedding could replicate. She never regretted eloping with his father either, because though they lived Underground, they were happy together. Levi envied her dearly.
By the time that they had arrived home, the day truly had sucked the life out of him and rendered him into a melodramatic sack of flesh. Levi had spent the last half hour looking at the violet plant upon his windowsill, lost in his thoughts like a lovesick maiden. It made him want to slap at himself in horror - if he had the energy to, that was.
A moment later, Erwin walked into the drawing room in mild worry. “Are you feeling alright, Levi?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Oh. Would you like me to make you some tea?”
Levi shook his head. “No need. I’m about to head to bed, anyways.”
Erwin stood there for a moment longer. “Do you want anything else, then?”
“I’m good.”
Erwin nodded. “I’ll head off to bed ahead then. Goodnight, Levi.”
Levi echoed his parting tiredly, leaning back upon the armchair once more. It wasn’t until Erwin had left and Levi was left alone to the quiet of his thoughts that Levi remembered the violet plant he never told Erwin about. Even stranger, he realised that Erwin had, not once since arriving at Levi’s home for the wedding, asked Levi about the letters he never responded to. Levi wondered if he should care that Erwin didn’t ask. It wasn’t as if Erwin was too expectant of it, Levi figured. Else he probably would have said something. Probably.
Levi sighed and sank further into his armchair, looking sullenly at the flowerless violet plant and thought that maybe it wasn’t so bad that he didn’t tell Erwin. There wasn’t much to look at anyways.
September 843
They moved to Shiganshina immediately after Levi’s swearing in to his MP Commandership despite the disapproval of Lord Reiss and even Kenny, himself. Surprisingly, Kenny had sneered at them for not taking the opportunity for a well-deserved break, though Erwin had quickly placated him over the breakfast table. “With all due respect, Lord Ackerman, I think both Levi and I have had enough time with things related to our extravagant nuptials. We would both prefer to get back to our regular lives.”
Levi almost fixed Erwin for calling Kenny Lord Ackerman, because Kenny almost always hated being called Lord and being associated with high society. But then instead of blowing up, Kenny kissed his teeth and walked off, mumbling about how Erwin was insufferable to argue against because he was too damn nice. That was that was about as close as one could get to Kenny admitting that he liked Erwin, and even Levi was shocked into silence. He even thought that Kenny had been a little sullen because Erwin was finally leaving Orvud, though his uncle would not admit it at the expense of his pride.
Levi eventually decided to take over the family-owned townhouse that was conveniently midway between the district’s MP headquarters and the Survey Corps’ barracks, a logical choice considering that Erwin had no other residence, and it was still easy for both of them to get to their respective workplaces on time everyday. The townhouse had a drawing room, a kitchen, and five bedrooms - two of which they occupied separately to be civil and out of each other’s hair. And on the balcony next to the drawing room, Levi placed his violet so that it may have sunlight all through the day.
Living in Shiganshina was... different. There was a learning curve that came with living with someone that wasn't Kenny, and Levi had only started to appreciate how neat Kenny was until he started living with Erwin, and often found papers strewn all over the table in the drawing room or occasionally, a jacket thrown over the chaise instead of hung on the hat stand. But then apparently, Levi also got on Erwin’s nerves with his weekend habit of cleaning out the home despite the fact that they already had a maid coming every few days or so.
They make it work, somehow. They mostly don’t eat together because they tend to eat at their respective workplaces. However, there were some weekend mornings when they were both home, and Erwin would invite Levi to join him to go shopping for fresh food to cook because Erwin found joy in cooking. They would go together to get vegetables and meat, which Erwin used to make a warm stew that Levi enjoyed having during the colder months of the year. The fat of the meat, Erwin would set aside because Levi had asked them for his soaps.
Levi was notoriously picky with his food, and while he could eat just about everything, he would never say to someone whether he liked a certain food unless prompted. It seemed that Erwin had somehow picked up on this via Frieda’s prior warning, and made it a mission to catalogue all the things Levi would willingly eat versus things he would eat out of respect for the cook.
“It’s just courtesy when you live with someone to know their tastes. Besides, we’re technically living in your house. And you are my husband.” Erwin explained when he asked. “It would make sense if we eat things that we both can eat.”
“Don’t you have any preferences?”
“I eat just about anything, Levi.” Erwin shrugged. “I don’t care much for eating, actually.”
“But that doesn’t make sense. You like cooking.”
“I enjoy cooking, but eating is more of a chore and consequence of cooking than it is something I enjoy. I eat the food because- what else am I supposed to do with it?”
“You are a strange man.”
“No stranger than you for hating on carrots.” He picked up a carrot displayed in the vegetable stall. “I understand if you hate celery, but carrots? Really, Levi?”
“Shut up, Erwin.” Levi commanded, dragging his laughing husband from the market stall and away from the carrots.
Soon enough, the seasons have turned again. They went to events together sometimes, or not if Levi felt as if it was too much a hassle for his tastes. However, Erwin would occasionally insist. Their marriage, after all, was a political move. Erwin relied on Levi for relations ever so often, and Levi sometimes benefitted from Erwin’s silver tongue. So it would not do to be seen in public separately too often else questions arose. Scandal would be bad for them both, and it would certainly ruin Erwin and his job.
It became duties to each other, which made it easier. They became friends, a civil relation had formed between them and they respected each other and their respective jobs. It also helped that they both hated private dinners and fancy affairs, and complained if almost not equally about the aristocrats to each other.
Soon enough, their birthdays came and the weather turned cold. Levi had gifted Erwin with a book of his choice; Erwin gifted Levi a container of his favourite tea that was only purchasable from Mitras, and a letter with his well-wishes. They were celebrating the holidays with Kenny in Orvud, so it was almost embarrassing for Levi to almost tear up when he opened his gift. He was honestly touched by Erwin’s efforts to get him the gift, and he held the container to his chest, cradling it like the precious cargo that it was.
Meanwhile, Erwin was grinning widely and biting his lip to prevent himself from the urge to laugh at Levi’s most pitiful reaction to his presents. Kenny certainly didn’t hold back when he saw Levi’s red eyes and snotty nose, though, and laughed to his heart’s content.
Upon hearing about Levi’s snotty outburst on Christmas Day, Frieda had also bursted into giggles. “That is adorable, Levi. I never knew you could even cry.”
Levi glared and handed her another chocolate that they had just gotten some from the confectioner. He was attempting to stuff her mouth so full of the sweet treat that she would cease to embarrass him. But somehow she still managed to speak with her mouthful. There was no winning against Frieda when it came to chocolates.
“I didn’t realise you two had gotten so close over the last few months. You complain a lot about him in your letters.” Frieda said.
“And I can continue to complain.” Levi rolled his eyes. “But he’s good for a housemate. I think we’ve become friends.”
“So… absolutely no romance budding or potential sexual escapades, then?”
Levi choked on his own spit. “How do you even know about that? Is that even the kind of proper topic for you to even be aware of?”
“Please, I’m twenty, not twelve.” She rolled her eyes. “And besides, you realise that I have two thousand years worth of memories, right? Memories of all the adult Founders before me.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh. Sometimes even the private stuff comes through.”
“That is honestly terrifying.”
“It’s a mess up there most of the time, so really it’s not too bad.” Frieda smiled, tapping at her head. “But I’m happy to hear that you’re getting along with Erwin. It would make your job in reporting about him easier, wouldn’t it?”
That was a thing Erwin didn’t know about. Levi had been writing letters to Frieda, which Erwin had expected, but included in his letters were also reports to the Council on whatever information he could glean from Erwin and the Survey Corps. Consecutive days where Erwin returned home late always indicated some sort of stratagem the Corps were working on, and occasionally, Levi would look through the papers Erwin had left around by habit.
He wasn’t sure if Erwin ever suspected that Levi would spy on his work, but at least, Erwin had known that Levi had married him due to his position as the Corps’ captain. Levi comforted himself with the fact that Erwin must have known, and that this spying Levi had been doing was only Erwin fulfilling his end of their unspoken agreement for marriage. But as they grew closer and more fond of each others’ presence, Levi found it simultaneously easier and harder to do his work.
“I suppose you’re right.” Levi replied. It was easier, because Levi knew of Erwin’s routine. It was harder, because the day after, he would have to look Erwin in the eyes and lie through his teeth while Erwin treated him no less kindly. This was also a part of Levi’s duties to the Crown, to Frieda, but it felt less and less justifiable every day.
“By the way, the Council wanted to do another test some time in January.” Frieda said.
The wretched tests again. Levi closed his eyes, his left knee seemed to jolt at just the thought. He was so tired of the tests. He almost always came out with an injury on the Council’s tests. By their logic, the only way to prove his Bond was to sacrifice his body, and Levi was so, so sick of sacrificing himself for others.
The worst part of it was that they did this test every year as if they either knew that he had not bonded to Frieda, or perhaps they were afraid that he might pull something like his mother and elope. Not that he could elope now, for they had taken care of that swiftly a few months ago. The only thing they worried about now was the Bond.
Fake it if you have to. Fake it until it feels real, Levi. Because if you don’t, you’re going to end up like your mama.
Levi tried - he had cared for Frieda with every fibre of his being because she was practically family to him. But Frieda enjoyed high society and its flares; she loved the jewels and preached for salvation and nirvana within the confines of these Walls, like her uncle and her grandfather and ancestors before her. Frieda was sometimes entirely not herself - replaced by some amalgamation of all the Founders that have ever existed.
And it frightened him. He did not agree.
The cycle continued.
“Could we talk about something else, instead?” He asked.
Frieda relented after taking a curious glance. If she had made a judgement on Levi, then she didn’t vocalise it.
When Levi went home that night and Erwin tried to ask him about his day, Levi had shut him off and headed to his own room, hoping to sleep off the guilt and dread growing on his chest like an immovable boulder. Crushing.
A week later, Levi had once again passed the Council’s test but sprained his hand in the process. Erwin had fussed, but Levi simply sent him off to do groceries and chores more often to not deal with the constant reminder that he was a little handicapped for a while.
It healed quickly enough though, and thankfully by the Day of the Troops, or more colloquially known as ‘Military Competition Day’, he had completely recovered and could join in the festivities. The day mostly involved some friendly competitions to improve relationships between the soldiers of the three military branches. In the inner Walls, it was mostly between the MPs and the Garrison. But at Shiganshina, all three branches were present, which meant there was extra competition.
The Survey Corps almost always hosted the competitions because their main training ground was just on over the hill from the inner gates of Wall Maria, and was a lot larger than the ones the Garrison or MP could afford in this section of the Wall. And as it was the Survey Corps - that is the elite of elite titan fighters - that were hosting, the training courses were rumoured to be almost impossible to complete.
Levi stood before the edge of the forest where the training course was already set up. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Has anyone ever actually finished this course?” Levi asked. Hearing no reply, he turned to his right and frowned at Erwin’s contemplative, borderline constipated expression.
“What? Do you need to take a shit?” He grumbled.
“No, I’m just thinking of the answer to your question.” Erwin said, then raised his fingers to start counting. Then after a moment, he tilted his head and put down some fingers where he felt appropriate. “I think perhaps two people have managed to finish this course.”
“Two, in the history of how long?”
“Ten years, give or take. One of them is Mike.”
“Wha- Nosy Nose? Him? ”
Erwin shook his head, holding back a grin. “You’ve got to stop calling him that.”
“Why? He’s nosy, and he’s got a weird nose. It’s a perfectly apt name.”
Erwin chuckled. “He had actually only ever managed to get through the course once two years ago. He failed last year.”
“How nice.” Levi folded his arms. "Who’s the other one that finished the course?”
“Me.” Erwin beamed, looking rather proud. “Albeit, I did it approximately five years ago and I believe one of the titan figures had malfunctioned during my run, but still, I technically did finish it.”
“Didn’t you say you were terrible on the ODM? Or were you just downplaying yourself so you have the benefit of surprise for this day?”
“I said I wasn’t a natural. Doesn’t mean I didn’t work my hardest on it for the sake of my survival. And besides, I’m not downplaying myself for any benefit. I’m not competing this year.”
“So how pissed will you be if I beat your records later?”
“You plan on competing?” Erwin gave him an incredulous look.
“Of course I am. It’s the infamous Survey Corps training course. How could you not try at least once?”
“Have you- have you ever competed in these timed courses before in Orvud?”
“I did during my first year as an MP.”
“And that was… how long ago?”
“Eleven years, give or take?” Levi shrugged. “Why? Is this that hard?”
“I did just tell you that only two people in the last ten years have ever managed to finish this course. Mike is actually the best as it gets in the Survey Corps, and even he struggled.” Erwin grimaced. “Levi, seriously, I don’t want you to injure yourself trying this course, especially if you haven’t been training on ODM as often as the Corps or Garrison do.”
“Are you underestimating me, Erwin?” Levi glared. “We have regular ODM training in the MPs as well, you know. And I scored highest in my cohort when I graduated.”
“Yes, but you should know that our training courses are actually based upon real titan-fighting data. They’re quite different from your training, I’d wager.”
“How about we make a bet? If I come back at the end of this course without a serious injury - say like a concussion or sprain at the very least - then you will do me a favour. If I come back looking like titan shit, then I will do you a favour.”
Erwin sighed at Levi’s offer, knowing full well how stubborn Levi was when he wanted to be. In fairness, the MPs, while technically held the best cadets of the Training Corps, weren’t known to be the best on ODM due to how infrequently they use it. But Erwin hasn’t witnessed an Ackerman on ODM.
“Alright. It’s a deal.” Erwin nodded and raised his hand for Levi to shake.
Levi took it and smirked. He was determined to win this bet.
Half an hour later, Levi was standing at the starting line when he heard a sudden commotion caught his attention. There was foul language being thrown around, and people were huddled together near the medical tents.
“Commander Ackerman!” One of Levi’s subordinates called. “Sir, the MPs and the Survey Corps are squaring off with each other. They’ve drawn weapons, sir!”
Levi hissed and ran off, following his soldier to the scene of the dispute and saw an MP captain - what was his name? Drey? Who the fuck cares? - raising his steel sword threateningly at Erwin’s face. Behind Erwin was a Survey Corps soldier holding his face and sitting on the ground as if someone had punched him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Levi yelled.
“The Survey Corps started this, sir. They provoked us and intentionally messed up our run in the training course.”
“I don’t care who started this. You don’t draw titan-fighting weapons against civilians and fellow soldiers.” He hissed. “This day is about improving relations, not breaking them. Put your weapons away and go home.”
“Sir-”
“That’s an order, Captain. You sound like a sore loser and it’s fucking disgraceful. Go home.”
The MP Captain practically choked on his anger as he left, grumbling under his breath about favouritism and thinking Levi couldn’t hear him. Levi could care less. He would consider disciplinary actions later, but right then, all he could think about was Erwin.
Erwin sent off his injured soldier off to receive medical attention, and only turned to Levi after Levi had tapped his leg with the side of his foot. “Smith, come with me.”
They walked a little distance away and stood by the edge of the forest. Levi had resolutely not looked at Erwin the entire walk because he was still trying to process his frustration about the entire ordeal. When he did finally turn around, he realised that it was Erwin who was physically shaking with anger, judging from how tense his jaw was and how he seemed to be barely breathing.
“What happened? Why did he suddenly point his sword at you?”
Erwin chewed on his tongue for a moment, and looked away. His golden hair caught the sunlight just right to create a halo atop his head that made him look regal and noble, even. But even his looks weren’t going to get him out of trouble if he actually did something.
After a too long silence, Levi raised his hand and decided to walk away. “You know what, fuck it. I could have eaten breakfast in the amount of time you spent thinking. If you’re not going to tell me, then I’ll just have to go by my subordinate’s words.”
“He called you names.”
Levi stopped in his tracks and turned back. "What kind of names?"
Erwin still wouldn’t look at him, but he seemed resigned to finally speak. He leaned against the tree and spoke lowly as if to prevent the sound from travelling in the wind. “He was picking on one of our new recruits. I stepped in, and then he said, ‘The only reason the Survey Corps is even still operational was because Ackerman is a slut for you.’”
Levi didn’t know what was worse: the humiliation in his name, or the humiliation in Erwin’s name. Both sounded shitty.
He walked back to Erwin and leaned against the tree next to him, close enough so their arms were touching - a small gesture of appreciation where he could not speak it fully.
“I don’t need you to fight my battles.”
Erwin shrugged. “What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t defend your honour?”
Levi absently questioned if Erwin almost always thinks of Levi as his husband in his head. Because if so, there would be a lot to unpackage in their relationship.
“The kind who respects me enough to know that I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble like this.” Levi said. “Seriously, next time, just drop it. I don’t really care for assholes like that. I outrank them.”
“I’m sorry.” Erwin said. A shrill of a whistle sounded from the training course, signaling the end of the competition, and he frowned apologetically. “I’m sorry you missed your chance to try the course, too.”
“It’s fine. There’s always next year.” Levi pushed off the tree. “We should get back. Everyone will be moving to the next game soon.” He began to walk off again when suddenly, a tug on his arm pulled him back. He turned back and walked straight into Erwin’s embrace.
Levi’s eyes widened, embarrassed at the proximity that he had not experienced since his wedding day. Erwin was observing him - seemingly determined to do something. There was something in his eyes, too, and Levi was sure that it was endearment because he had seen it before in glimpses at home when he complimented Erwin’s food, or when Levi would sit in the drawing room to read and keep Erwin company as he did his work. But never had Levi seen this endearment so clearly in the daylight.
Erwin’s hand tipped his face up by the chin, the leather gloves he was wearing for the day rough against Levi’s skin, and then Erwin was leaning down to capture his lips gently, his mouth carrying the mildest taste of the apples he had eaten prior.
It was their first kiss since the unmemorable one from the wedding. And Levi froze, his breath hitched and his heart raced from the brush of Erwin’s lips against his. He didn’t kiss him back. He didn’t know how to kiss him back. What exactly was one supposed to do when their husband-but-not-really kissed you without being prompted to?
“Why did you do that?” Levi whispered when they parted. His lips still tingled from the heat pressed against them just moments ago.
“Because I wanted to kiss my husband.” Erwin replied plainly, as if it explained everything when in fact, it raised questions instead. And then he walked ahead. He made five paces before turning back to Levi, cocking his head in question. “You coming?”
Levi nodded mutely and followed behind him. They walked side by side like that with their gloved hands so close they might just touch. And Levi’s heart and mind raced traitorously with thoughts of Erwin’s hand - of Erwin’s lips, and how they would feel.
But Erwin did not look at him. And Erwin did not reach out. So their hands did not touch.