Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

ACCOUNTS:

Peter Parker (He/Him)

bi-tch@pparker

webslinger@spideyoficial

Harry Osborn (He/They)

h.osborn@harry_osborn

thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

Gwen Stacy (She/They)

future-ceo@thebabysitter

Wade Wilson (He/They/Xe)

nodeathhere@exmerc

Matt Murdock (He/They)

DD@Daredevil

idiot_one@reallygoodlaywer

Foggy Nelson (He/Him)

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

Karen Page (She/Her)

pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

Foggy and Karen’s Shared Account

hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

mod 1: Karen

mod 2: Foggy

Claire Temple (She/Her)

localnurse@drinkuptime

Moon Knight System (He/Him Collectively)

threescompany@themoonsystem

Layla El-Faouly (She/Her)

LayLow@LittleScarab

Tony Stark (He/Him)

[email protected]

Clint Barton (They/He)

Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

Natasha Romanoff (She/Her)

Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

Avengers Account (Ran by Harley Keener (He/They))

Avengers@TheAvengers

Thor (He/They)

THOR@sonofodin

Bucky Barnes (He/Xe)

fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

Steve Rogers (He/Him)

Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Sam Wilson (He/Him)

Birdman@Falcon

Scott Lang (He/Him)

scottydoesknow@AntMan

Stephan Strange (They/He)

[email protected]

Loki (He/She/They)

Loki(Current Pronouns)@sneksneak

Young Avengers Account (Ran by Elijah Bradley (He/Him))

BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

Kate Bishop (She/They)

KB@youngerhawkeye

Cassie Lang (They/She)

cass@Stature

America Chavez (She/Her)

[email protected]

Kamala Khan (She/Her)

TheIcon@Ms. Marvel

Harley Keener (He/They)

potato-child@IronLad

Pietro Maximoff (He/Xe)

paintro@quicksilver

Wanda Maximoff (She/Her)

colourtheory@ScarletWitch

Vision (They/Them)

01110110@Vision

Yelena Romanoff (They/She)

coolsister@betterwidow

Bruce Banner (He/Him)

[email protected]

More To Be Added…

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

what's up little shits, i made a twt account

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

little bitch

>>webslinger@spidyofficial

no u

>>>utah-era@moonsandstars

uhhh is nobody questioning why the actually harry osborn just replied to some spiderman fan account????

>>>>webslinger@spidyofficial

*spider-man and i am not a fan account thank you very much <3

>>>>>I MET SPIDERMAN- ERA???@moonsandstars

WAIT HOLD UPLJDSGJFK

*****

webslinger@spidyofficial

just called dd a whore feeling good

>DD@Daredevil

I am not a whore, I’ve met a few though.

>>webslinger@spidyofficial

*checks notes* nope, says here you are a certified bitch boy, i don’t make the rules i just enforce them

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i don’t think you enforce any rules actually

>>>>webslinger@spidyofficial

i came here to have a good time and honestly i’m feeling really attacked right now. i enforce so many rules all the time

>>>>>webslinger@spidyofficial

like two hours ago i said to this guy trying to stab me that it wasn’t a very nice thing to do

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Seems like somebody forgot he was still in my replies.

>>>>>>>webslinger@spidyofficial

shit

*****

pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

every single day i regret getting my two idiots together

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i’ll drink to that

>>bi-tch@pparker

gwen stacy, you are seventeen years old, that better be apple juice >:(

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

you and harry have aged me ten years. i’m middle aged now take it or leave it

>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

awww you love us though karen

>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

i’ll love you again if you can get matt to do his paperwork?

>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

i may be amazing but i cant do miracles

>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Don’t worry Karen, we still love you even if you don’t say it back.

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

sometimes it be like “wow, who would have thought it do be hurting”

>macesandtalons@raeishere

you alright spidey?

>>webslinger@spidyofficial

define alright because by my standards this is simple

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

spidey~ if i find you passed out in a dumpster like an addict i’m going to haul you up into DD’s apartment again

>>nodeathere@exmerc<3

we both don’t want to have to deal with him being all mama bear again

>>>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

wait @chloewasfound dd being sweet??? my heart????

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

i’ve seen it happen when he had me patch spider-man up once, quite terrifying to say the least

>DD@Daredevil

If you bruised your rib again I’m going to lose it.

>>webslinger@spidyofficial

then i will simply not. tell. you.

>>>DD@Daredevil

Yes you will, or else no patrol

>>>>webslinger@spidyofficial

gasppp hypocrite!

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

It’s what I’m best at

*****

bi-tch@pparker

woke up with my name trending, what did i miss

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

nothing dear go back to bed

>>clingyarc@sophiedraws

HE CALLS HIM DEAR???? GFJGHFG

>>nonstop@andrewcantsing

i leave twt for a week and come back to find out harry osborn has a bf??

>>>MBAV S3 [email protected]

andy maybe you should delete it again, it’ll be good for moral

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

I let you two dumbasses out of my sight for two minutes

>>bi-tch@pparker

technically it was three hours but…

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

nope, no more speaking, speaking privileges are revoked

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

crying in the club @harry_osborn come back me up boo

>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

lmao no, you dug your grave now lie in it

>salem(he/she)@risingtothetop

@tisbutascratch ANA LOOK AT THIS THEY ARE DATING

>>analove@tisbutascratch

I TOLD YOU - YOU DIDNT BELIEVE ME BUT I WAS RIGHT!!!!

>>>salem(he/she)@risingtothetop

IM SORRY I KNOW

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

peter get back to bed

>>aca-dex-ic@tinkeringtime

guys what the fuck is deadpool doing here???

*****

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

hahaha why do so many people follow me now?

>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Because you deserve it.

>>>bi-tch@pparker

omg youre in love we got it blegh

>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Hypocritical much.

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

its because youre famous now foggy

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

dont let the fame go to your head

>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

i’m getting paid in baked goods still there’s not gonna be any fame going to my head

*****

reddiestan#1@angel-ica

anyone want to tell me why theres a friend group that is comprised of three highschoolers - one of which is the ceo of oscorp - two lawyers, and a journalist?

>webslinger@spideyofficial

lmao you think they know what they’re doing that’s funny

>>reddiestand#1@angel-ica

SPIDER-MAN?!???!?

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wow spidey moving into random conversations that dont involve you? not very kind of you

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

deadpool… telling me about kindness

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

its my psa to the world :D

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

if i had to sit through a psa by you i would simply leave because there’s no way i’m learning any thing from that

>delalune@cinematicwhisperings

angelica are you aware that ⅔ of team red is having a conversation in your replies rn????

>>reddiestand#1@angel-ica

i am trying not to freak out asdjkhg

>>>DD@Daredevil

We can make it 3/3.

>>>>delalune@cinematicwhisperings

BRO WTF???!!? KSJGHK ANGELICA???

>>>>>reddiestand#1@angel-ica

i will now be passing away

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

some people ask me “spidey how human are you?” and let me tell you its at least 75%

>localnurse@drinkuptime

spider-man. that is a strangely low number

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i’m a strangely low human :P

>>>GOS2!@zira-rates-books

spidey… are you okay???

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

no thanks for asking!

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

spidey we’ve talked about this.

>leggosandeggos@maxbuildsshiz

whats the other 25%-

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

your mom

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

lol but really its like spider ig

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

yeah cause everyone is just 25% not human

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

hey we stand for mutant rights in this house thank! you! very! much!

*****

h.osborn@harry_osborn

peter just came up to me, showed me a picture of a run down arcade and said “its my gender” and scampered off like a fucking rat

>bi-tch@pparker

DID I LIE????

>>bi-tch@pparker

also if either of us is a rat its you mr. “i don’t touch the sun”

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

that makes me more of a vampire dear

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

better than when he showed me jack skellington

>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

he broke into the office last week to show me a picture of the dashcon ballpit…

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

What’s a dashcon?

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

you’ve opened up a can of horrors you’ve never wished to experience matthew

>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

matt what have you done

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

weak: the hypermasculine character feels no emotions whatsoever

strong af: he’s actually my baby girl

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i’m also open to being anyones baby girl ;)

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

wade not on my posts

>>>idiot_two@thehotlaywer

spidey get off your phone

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

ur not my dad :P so no <3

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

am i going to need to take this as you’re flirting with other men :/

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

your my one true baby girl <3

>>>driving&speeding@tylerruinedthis

wait spider-man has a girlfriend????

*****

raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

i keep seeing the same kid leave nelson, murdock, and page and i’m starting to get concerned

>benny(2 MORE DAYS!)@sorceryisreal

raine that just the local weirdo we’ve all accepted them as an honorary member of hells kitchen

>>e-bot@allseeingeye

five dollars says they’re one of their kids

>>>benny(2 MORE DAYS!)@sorceryisreal

E you know i cant pass up a good bet

>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

they dont look young enough to be one of the lawyers kids

>>>breakmyknees@dylanisqueer

bruh youre lying they look like theyre 12 lmao

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

I AM 17 THANK YOU VERY MUCH >:(

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

also i’m an honorary citizen of hell’s kitchen :’) i truly do feel honored

>>>>breakmyknees@dylanisqueer

RAINE WE FUCKED UP THATS HARRY OSBORNS BF!!!

>>>>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

WIAT SHTI KDSJGHSGH

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

smh glad to see i’m my own person /s

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

who broke into our home? - marc

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

lmao that was me and spidey, guy was bleeding out and you were closest

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

that’s great and all but you broke into our house???? - marc + jake

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i mean yeah ig, would you rather me bleed out in a dumpster?

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Don’t do that.

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

see now red is mad and thats never a good thing

>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

(he has anger issues)

*****

The Daily Bugle@DailyBugleOfficial

Breaking news: Spider-Man, New York’s greatest menace, is outed as breaking into civilian homes.

threescompany@themoonsystem

piss offfff - jake

*****

thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

when you finally tweet on your account and now everyone things your spider-man’s gf

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

great news - or ig bad to some of you weirdos - i am not his gf but i am his bf

>>jenny (she/they)@jen.worship

spideys gay??!! /pos

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

*bisexual

>>>>the better goblin@hobgoblin

i however am a certified men liker

>>>>>nonstop@andrewcantsing

me - hobgoblin: homosexuals

>>DD@Daredevil

Who let Hobgoblin have a Twitter account?

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

that would be me you old ass bitch

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Okay, child.

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

>:O how dare

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

acting like you didn’t start the argument

mod 1

*****

ghost-era@moonsandstars

uhhh so it’s come to my attention that spidey has said some vaguely concerning things so here’s a thread of them

>ghost-era@moonsandstars

“don’t worry everyone, it’s not my blood, that kinds blue!”

>>ghost-era@moonsandstars

“remember kids if you have drugged halloween candy give it to me cause my metabolism makes quick work of opioids”

>>>ghost-era@moonsandstars

“if one more thing goes wrong today i’m going home” *car just fucking explodes* “i’m gonna pretend i didn’t see that”

>>>>ghost-era@moonsandstars

feel free to add anymore <3

>future-ceo@thebabbysitter

“who’s stopping me from snorting chalk”

>localnurse@drinkuptime

“that was before the spider trauma”

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

“if the spider that bit me survived i would have kept it as a pet but sadly i smacked the bitch out of fear and it’s gone now”

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

rest in pieces gregory you will be missed

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you named the fucking spider?

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

my old therapist said forming a positive connection with small fear inducing things can be healthy

>>>>>legosandeggos@maxbuildsshiz

bro it sounds like you need another therapist

*****

hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

the avengers just tried to recruit dd and failed hard

mod 2

>[email protected]☑️

Offer still stands

>>DD@Daredevil

Not in a million years Stark.

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

@pparker stark stole my layout smh

>>>bi-tch@pparker

how dare he

>>>>[email protected]

Osborn, nice to meet with you again

>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

that’s funny don’t remember meeting you, my dad might’ve but he’s dead now so :|

>>>>>>bi-tch@parker

it be like that

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

no member of team red has all three

>webslinger@spideyofficial

omg game time!

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

a father

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

how could you do this to me…

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

(psttt DD put a finger down)

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I can read just fine thank you.

>>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

according to the bugle you’re illiterate

mod 2

*****

macesandtalons@raeishere

are we all going to gloss over the fact that the avengers tried to recruit DD and fucking FAILED????

>macesandtalons@raeishere

like how!?? why??? what caused him to say no??? basically i need answers pls

>DD@Daredevil

As Spider-Man would say, I am of the eat the rich mentality.

>>delalune@cinamaticwhisperings

and here i was thinking daredevil was another rich guy with too much time on his hands

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

nah be broke af

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

team red be poor sometimes :P

>>>>>delalune@cinamaticwhisperings

nah that’s valid as hell go off

>>mikey-mac@thewholecircus13

omg dd is just like me for real for real

>>>nonstop@andrewcantsing

but really seeing heroes that go through the same shit i do >>>>

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

they like looking out for the little guy :)

mod 2

>>>>>joeydazed@blurryfaceisme

this tweet *gently holds*

*****

e-bot@allseeingeye

i love them too but how the hell are a bunch of vigilantes just on twitter???

>benny(1 MORE DAY!)@sorceryisreal

in this economy? who knows E

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

smh that’s the joke in the fic title guys

>>>e-bot@allseeingeye

first of all: OMFG ITS DEADPOOL!!! secondly: what are you talking about????

>>>>DD@Daredevil

We usually just ignore them when xe gets like this.

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

it saves everyone’s mental stability :)

*****

[email protected]☑️

@spideyofficial what’s your view on the avengers

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

that one belongs to me and red we found him on the street like a stray

>>DD@Daredevil

He’s adopted.

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

damn you fell off stark

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

idk whether to be offended or not

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you’re hot shit

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you know what i am

>webslinger@spideyofficial

sry my guardians said no :/

*****

drivingandspeeding@tylerruinedthis

open q to all the vigilantes where did your super powers come from???

>webslinger@spideyofficial

i think mines kind of obvious….

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

cancer :D

>>localnurse@drinkuptime

you know what i’ve met you so im not gonna question it

>DD@Daredevil

An incident.

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

wow way to be specific

mod 2

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

drugs <3

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

days canceled, vibes are off, lost my headphones while swinging

>vix is not here@howyalldoing

aw :( that sucks

>>vix is not here@howyalldoing

how high up were you?

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

only 45 stories so like :/ its kinda on me

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

mother fucker casually says 45 stories like its nothing

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

lol imagine wearing headphones

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

some of us dont want the rest of the world to hear our music wade

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i’m enhancing my surroundings

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

you a public menace

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i wear that title with honor i’ll let you know :)

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

imagine going to school today fucking losers

>webslinger@spideyofficial

WAIT EVERYONE STOP THIS WAS ON THE WRONG ACCOUNT

>>DD@Daredevil

You should not be allowed on social media.

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

:(((( @daredevilsbesties dads being mean

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Do not call me that.

>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

that’s what you get for picking him up off the street

mod 1

>>>3 days to [email protected]

are we all ignoring that spiderman just said he went to school??? how young is this guy??

>>>secretlybreathing@kae-rae

spiderman going to school??? that lore the development?!?!

>>>puppet history friday!!@makenziemic

wait so by this tweet it seems like hes still in hs and spiderman has been around for like a year and a half now so….

>>>lieutenant(matching with lincoln)@adamsscrapbook

bitch whos child is that!!!

>>>>sergeant(matching with adam)@linkinlogs

love, we already know he’s dd’s kid smh

>>>>>lieutenant(matching with lincoln)@adamsscrapbook

you’re so right <3

>>threescompany@themoonstystem

wait, you go to school? - marc

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

sadly :(

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

you need to stay in school spidey

mod 2

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you can’t stop me from dropping out

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

No, but I can.

*****

h.osborn@harry_osborn

everyone get my bf off of the ps

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i haven’t seen him so obsessed with a game since animal crossing came out

>>bi-tch@pparker

my island was PROSPERING!!!

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

yeah and then you let it die out

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

yes. we don’t need to talk about that.

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

:/ when pete starts using proper grammar i get sad, bring back the chaos

>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlaywer

no no no he has a healthy outlet we can let him do it

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

*sigh* i hate that you’re right

*****

idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Foggy, stop playing Nickleback.

>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

no <3

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

its gonna keep going and theres nothing you can do to stop it matty

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlaywer

no i agree foggy please

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

no because you guys are going to learn that nickelback is not that bad and you’ve simply been conditioned to think that

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Taking music recommendations from you is always a bad idea.

>>bi-tch@pparker

let it be said nickelback can slap sometimes

>>>idiot_two@thehowlawyer

thank you peter! see matt and karen, someone agrees with me

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i said sometimes dont let that go to your head

>localnurse@drinkuptime

your listening to nickelback? L

>>kathleens left eye@artisticbreakdown

seeing these people interact with each other as if they haven’t quickly become HKtwt’s favorite group is so funny to me

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wait we have a twt group name?

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

wait that’s literally just hells kitchen twt??

>>>>>kathleens left eye@artisticbreakdown

i never said we were original

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

@pparker @harry_osborn since we’re famous now we need to give the people a good name

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

agreeeeed its boring

>>bi-tch@pparker

what would it even be???

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

uuhhhhh idk

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

thank you for your contribution gwen

>soap-era@moonsandstars

wait i have some ideas!

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

guys its our biggest fan

>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

askdj idk about that but i’m honored

>>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

anyways i was thinking maybe defunctwt?? cause like… dysfunctional.. or or or jumbletwt because you’re all a jumble of different people :)

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

:O moon you’re a genius

>>>>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

kdsfj i’m just trying my best but thanks! glad you like it

*****

Trending

#4 JumbleTWT

A group seems to have arisen with fans creating a new name for the mix of unlikely friends.

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

wait till i tell my mom i’m trending on twt

>bi-tch@pparker

she’ll be disappointed

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

probably

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

it’ll give your brothers enjoyment

*****

thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

things they don’t tell you before becoming a vigilante: knees are hurting

>webslinger@spideyofficial

everyday i wake up and think “wow i feel old”

>>arelean@neverendingsymphony

bro you said you were in hs??

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

tell that to my bones

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

they be creaking

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

a creakin’ and a crackin’

*****

soap-era@moonsandstars

so people have been coming up with more group names (i love you all for that <3) so i’m making a thread for all of vigilante&co. twt, especially for newcomers who may not know everything, we’re very accepting of y’all

>soap-era@moonsandstars

Vigilantetwt: basically all the vigilantes that we can find

Vigilante&Co.twt: includes vigilantes and those closely associated who tweet with them like @daredevilsbesties for an example

>>soap-era@moonsandstars

most herotwt names are just (heroname)twt ex. DareDeviltwt

TeamRedtwt: Daredevil, DeadPool, Spider-Man

NMPtwt: @thehotlaywer @reallygoodlawyer @sufferingnotlawyer - the funny lawyer people (who are actually good at their jobs)

>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

bestiestwt: @pparker @harry_osborn @thebabysitter @spideyofficial

>>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

my personal favorite jumbletwt: @thehotlawyer @reallygoodlawyer @sufferingnotlawyer @pparker @harry_osborn @thebabysitter @exmerc<3 @drinkuptime

>>>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

as always add on if you have anymore you want to share love you all <3

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

yo what are the avengers doing in queens???

>webslinger@spideyofficial

oh fuck

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

omfg he fucking dead

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

wait you don’t get to die yet

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

no dying is my thing :(

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

disregard spider-mans tweet everything is fine

>DD@Daredevil

I will come after you if you hurt my kid.

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

as will i~!!

>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

wait pls no i’m just like the intern person that runs this account!!!

>>>>DD@Daredevil

What’s your name?

>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

harley mr. daredevil sir

>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

carry on harley!

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

y’all i am shaking in my boots

*****

Trending

#3 Avengers

New information about the Avengers’ Twitter account as well as possible inclusion of Spider-Man in the team leaves fans shocked.

#7 HiHarley

Fans greet the owner of the Avengers’ Twitter account with #hiharley

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

if you’re verified i don’t trust you anymore

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

those little checks mean nothing

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

thank god i didn’t take it than

>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

no no no that was my one shot at making myself look legit

>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

every avenger is verified but me even THOR!!! and he isn’t even from this planet!!!

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i trust you than

>[email protected]☑️

does this mean you don’t trust me??

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

bro are you illiterate??

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

DRAG HIM <3 <3 <3

>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

asdlkfj guys i got spidey on my side its all good

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i have never met you in my life

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

guys what if i made dd a tumblr account ;)

>webslinger@spideyofficial

YES

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

he’ll take physic damage

mod 1

>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

so obviously do it

mod 2

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

please do it, i need to see them lose their mind

>>>>>clingyarc@sophiedraws

he/they daredevil?!!??

>>>>>>clingyarc@sophiedraws

it seems i have missed a few chapters i will now be passing away

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

people ask me “but what would your parents think!”

>webslinger@spideyofficial

which first of all ha ha ha… parents

but also, laughing in emancipated minor

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

me + spidey

dead parents

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

so remember when we talked about sharing to much online…

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

no team red member has all three!!! a mom, a dad, happiness!!

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

well spidey you have a dad now (technically two) dd adopted you

>>>>DD@Daredevil

I did not actually adopt Spider-Man, Wade.

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

then why do you act like you do smh

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

spidey it looks like you just trauma dump on twt and call it content - marc/steven

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

isn’t that what everyone uses twt for???

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

@spideyofficial who’s your favorite

>webslinger@spideyofficial

wowww we’ve resorted to @ing me now

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

anyway its you

>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

k so i’m not an avenger so… pick another

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

black widow. also this is very strange that you’re asking me this let it be said dd has adopted me and i know an ex merc

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

You still aren’t my son.

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

he’s still in their denial arc

*****

soap-arc@moonsandstars

why do i feel like something in going to happen today

>aca-dex-ic@tinkeringtime

don’t worry moon i bet its nothing

>>soap-era@moonsandstars

kay thanks i’m gonna take a nap wake me up with anything happens <3

>>>aca-dex-ic@tinkeringtime

i will :D

*****

chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

seeing actual vigilantes move to tumblr has been the best and worst thing my eyes have ever witnessed

>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

there’s some heroes too, and let me tell you someone needs to make like a class on how to run a tumblr blog

>>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

deadpool has been the great exemption from this because xyr doing it perfectly??? like they just know what to do???

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you’re surprised by this? you must not know my brand tsk tsk

*****

hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

guys we did it we got the account!!!!

mod 2

>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

please flood the inbox i need to see his reaction

mod 2

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

dd if youre seeing this i had nothing to do with it

mod 1

*****

DD@Daredevil

No, nobody needs to fear for my friend’s safety. They’re just… compromised at the moment.

>threescompany@themoonsystem

did either give you our account? - jake

>>DD@Daredevil

No? Why would they?

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

don’t worry about it

*****

bi-tch@pparker

what if i did an ama?

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

what is this reddit

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

no

>>>bi-tch@pparker

wow har i was just trying to be interesting but i guess not /s

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

you’re the most interesting person on the planet

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i’d like to disagree

>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

god is testing me.

*****

chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

@moonsandstars WAKE UP FROM YOUR NAP MOON THINGS ARE GOING DOWN!!!!

>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

WAIK UP

>>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

i am such a bad friend i can’t get them to wake up!!!!

*****

Trending

2. The Avengers

3. Spider-Man

5. #DaredevilTumblr

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

GUYS! i just met BLACK WIDOW >webslinger@spideyofficial

life cannot get any better than this

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

BLACK WIDOW!!!

>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

it was a pleasure meeting you too spider-man

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

@hobgoblin i’ve surpassed you i’ve met black widow

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you met ironman before???

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

irrelevant i just met black widow

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Good to know I’m irrelevant to you.

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i come to you in a dazed stupor at the end of patrols, i practically live with you. so yes, you are irrelevant now

*****

soap-era@moonsandstars

bestie really let me down on that one

>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

you were dead asleep there was nothing i could do!!!

>>soap-era@moonsandstars

should have just come to my house

>>>chase(xe/he)@thelightstwinkle

you live in vermont!!! i live in WALES!!!!

>>>>soap-era@moonsandstars

sounds like a you problem

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

guys stop spamming spidey in my replies he’s not joining the avengers

>webslinger@spideyofficial

i already roll with a trio of problematic bachelors

>>thebettergoblin@hobgloblin

you literally have a boyfriend.

>>hellsfinest@daredevilesbesties

whats this about dd being single??? not on my watch

mod 2

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i have a on and off relationship with death :/

>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

haha ha… what?

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

it be like that clair

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

NONE OF YOU ARE SINGLE

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

its about the vibes~

*****

macesandtalons@raeishere

*me watching my two favorite internet teens get dads*

found family what can i say, when it works it works

>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Foggy we have a kid?

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

yes matt its peter get with the times

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

im the amazing wine aunt obviously

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

yes you are!!! <3 <3 <3

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i got adopted first

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

no <3

>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

god not again

Chapter Text

bi-tch@pparker

its the ama guys!!! send me your asks and i’ll (maybe) respond

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

why are you such an idiot sometimes

>>bi-tch@pparker

ooo be careful with your words har the bugle might come after you and slander your name

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

it wouldn’t be the first time

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i’ll drink to that

>cod-era@moonsandstars

hey peter :D i have an ask for you, is matt murdock actually your dad??? cause he sure acts like it

>>bi-tch@pparker

guys its moon, best person in the universe, anyway no he’s not my real dad that ones kinda dead but foggy and them psuedo adopted me and i sometimes do stuff around the firm

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

He’s a menace don’t trust him.

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

matt loves him they just have a hard time showing it

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

peter is their son there i said it

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

im the unofficial murdock boy 😎

>analove@tisbutascratch

peter are you alright? this is so /gen i’m not even joking

>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m actually doing really well now :) thanks for asking <3

>MBAV S3 [email protected]

how did you manage to pull harry osborn????

>>bi-tch@pparker

let it be said that he was lucky to pull me!

>>>bi-tch@pparker

the secret story is that we’re childhood friends to lovers

>>>>MBAV S3 [email protected]

omg sdfjkga that is adorable thank you for the inclusion of that detail

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

anytime ;)

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

when are you going to do your chem homework?

>>bi-tch@pparker

wow would you look at the time

>>>bi-tch@pparker

seems like the ama is over is was great talking to y’all

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

@pparker coward

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

sometimes you come to front after a long day and you ask yourself, who in their right mind would ever buy marmite - marc

>threescompany@themoonsystem

okay brits calm down i’m from chicago i would never eat that heathness food - marc

>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

this just in american cant handle flavor

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

that is talking real high and mighty from a country that colonized for spices and then didn’t use them - jake

>>>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

i-

>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

god i am so sorry!!! - steven

>>>>>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

this interaction has been enough for me, i got insulted not once but twice, and then was apologized to by the british guy the american was making fun of

>>>>>>>raine-clouds@yourmumshouse

i’m loggin off twt for today

*****

Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

out of all the people i didn’t expect to watch daredevil be the one to fall from the roof of a building

>ttylxox@trentondrive

omfg is he okay???!??!

>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

idk probably

>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

just so everyone knows my standard of okay is probably a lot lower than most civilian

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

lmao just wanted red fall from a building

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

these are good times

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you’d think with his abilities he wouldn’t do that

>>>DD@Daredevil

You all know what you did.

>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

the family drama thickens

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Stay out of this avenger.

>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

you know i would be mad that you used that as an insult but you remembered i’m an avenger so i’ll let it slide

*****

LayLow@LittleScarab

@themoonsystem marc michael spector

>threescompany@themoonsystem

that is not my middle name??? - marc

>>bi-tch@pparker

omg @exmerc<3 grab the popcorn

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you know it petey

>>LayLow@LittleScarab

since when did you live in ny huh?

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

uhhh somethings came up - marc/steven

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

honestly slipped our mind because we thought we’d be back in london by now - marc/steven

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wait they’re from london????

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i mean it was obvious that steven was british but marc??

>>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

just me that’s british, lots of things…. happened in the past year - steven

*****

LayLow@LittleScarab

take a shot everytime my husband is off in some other country that i dont know about

>threescompany@themoonsystem

to be fair twice isn’t that bad - jake

>>LayLow@LittleScarab

tell marc he’s a moron for me

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

with pleasure amiga - jake

>>driving&speeding@tylerruinedthis

bro twice???? layla you’re a queen why do you put up with this man???

>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

cause i love the moron

*****

Loki(He/Him)@sneksneak

so anyway i was in a silly goofy mood

>webslinger@spideyofficial

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

TURN IT UP

>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

HES BACK HES BACK YALL

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

WE’RE BOUT TO GET TURNED UP

>>>>>cass@Stature

mother fucker leaves for a year and a half and shows up on twt

>>>>>[email protected]

nahh he was in a silly goofy mood

>>>>>>[email protected]

its alright we all get a little silly sometimes

*****

ghostsoap-era@moonsandstars

in a matter of minutes a new superhero group has popped up

>webslinger@spideyofficial

its cause we’re awesome and cool and hot

>>[email protected]☑️

so, you didn’t want to join the avengers so you made your own group?

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

spidey you’re a petty ass and i love it

>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

like spidey formed the group…. it was me, patriot, but give spidey the credit ig

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

never! patriot formed the group i was just recruited

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

im not a liar or a poser <3

>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

wellllll

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

shhhhhhh its alright love <3

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

please stop taking my dabloons, i have goldfish to feed 😥 - steven

>pagesandpages@suffereingnotlaywer

steven i will personally transfer you my 100 dabloons

>>bi-tch@pparler

karen! :0 that’s illegal you cant do that

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

think about the inflation

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

karen you work at a law firm you cant break the law

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

foggy. 👀

>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

oh

>kathleens left eye@artisticbreakdown

i will gift you 20 dabloons, its the best i can do

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

thank you for your gift <3 -steven

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

did you get robbed too? its a harsh world out there

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

no actually the irs came after me for tax evasion - steven

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

i- i was not expected that

Chapter Text

bi-tch@pparker

the holidays are crazy when the friend group consists of: 3 agnostics, one of which only comes for the food (harry…)

>bi-tch@pparker

4 jewish people, 3 of them haven’t celebrated in… a while. a catholic man who never misses midnight mass, literally how

>>bi-tch@pparker

a pagan who decided to fuck around and find out with death. and finally a christian who cares little about the religiousness of the holiday

>>>bi-tch@pparker

we have a grand old time here

>ghostsoap-era@moonsandstars

your friend group continues to be one of my favorite things in the world

>>alex(she/her)@revived&alive

ghost is being parasocial again~

>>>ghostsoap-era@moonsandstars

omfg alex sdjgdfjg shut up!!

>delalune@cinamaticwhisperings

wait whos the one with death????

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

who do you think ;)

>>>delalune@cinamaticwhisperings

i- i do not want to ask further questions

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

this is lies and slander i do not just come for the food it is simply a plus

>>bi-tch@pparker

admit it you just want foggy’s cooking

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

it is good

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

aw harry i knew you had a heart

>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

its only for peter

>threescompany@themoonsystem

we’re bringing layla :D - steven

>>bi-tch@pparker

yes please

>>>bi-tch@pparker

her koshari is amazing

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

now who’s the one that’s in it for the food

>>>>>LayLow@littlescarab

good to know i’m appreciated

>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Apparently going to church is weird now.

>>bi-tch@pparker

no no n o n you don’t get yo twist this

>>>bi-tch@pparker

literally how though??? how do you manage to never miss midnight mass with your schedule????

>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

It’s called planning ahead and having good time management.

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

actually its called his mother would call and yell at them if he didn’t

>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Lies and slander.

>>>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

we’ve seen enough cases to know thats not true, i’m simply stating facts <3

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

today i was telling marc this dream i had, and he was doing work and slightly annoyed so he said “i don’t care about your dreams steven” (1/3)

>threescompany@themoonsystem

there was a good minute or two for him to realize what he said before he apologized profusely-steven (2/3)

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

still laughing about it now actually (3/3) - steven

>>>LayLow@littlescarab

steven, do i need to have words with marc

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

nah, he’s just being silly - steven

>>>>>cass@Stature

i’ve met marc, somehow i don’t think he’s one for silly moods

>>>>>>Loki(He/She)@sneksneak

cassie, we’ve established this. silly goofy moods get you out of anything

*****

BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

the irony that one of us runs the actual avengers twt will never be lost on me

>potato-child@IronLad

hmmm sounds like a you problem

>>potato-child@IronLad

when i asked y’all “hey wouldn’t this be funny” y’all said yes so i’m just going with the program

>>>potato-child@IronLad

dont hate the player hate the game

>>>>[email protected]

why not hate both :)

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

what if i did a twitch stream

>potato-child@IronLad

what if you didn’t

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

honestly i just came here to have a good time and i’m feeling really attacked right now

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

don’t we all

>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

I went out with you today, we got your favorite food, you do not get to be annoyed at the world

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

i do what i want

>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

sometimes you guys really act like children

>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

thats because a) most of us are still children and b) you say that as if the avengers don’t also act like children

>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

I’m shocked and offended

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

good

*****

thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

50k likes and i’ll join spidey’s stream

>webslinger@spideyofficial

trying to jump on my fame are you

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

or maybe i just want to spend time with you smh

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

you asked for likes???

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

its a cruel world out there

>DD@Daredevil

Did either of you think of how that stream is actually going to work?

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

semantics we’ll work it out later

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

not if i stream before you get here

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you wouldn’t dare

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I’m surrounded by children.

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

technically this ones on you buddy

mod 2

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

found out some things about a friend… seems we’re more similar than he let on

>threescompany@themoonsystem

do not try to push that onto me - marc

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

i am nothing like you - marc

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you’re right! i found it fun, you obviously didn’t what’s the harm though

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

i am a changed man - marc

>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

he really is i promise :) - steven

>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

how can i hate that

>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

no single person can hate steven its impossible

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

real stream is going to be on saturday with the bf because they kept asking if they could be in it

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

not spidey out here trying make me look clingy

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

we all know the roles are reversed on that one

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i am not clingy!

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Yes you are.

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

hate to break it to you webs but you must definitely are

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

stream is off im getting bullied by my friends and my bf

*****

pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

the biggest change in my life after joining NM&P is actually that my youtube recommended is now just lawyers critiquing law scenes in movies

>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

wait we have to watch those together

>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Sounds like our Friday nights.

>>>hmanywayso@gianahman

that sounds like a depressing way to spend a friday night

>>>>local-nurse@drinkuptime

matt could be doing much worse things

>>>>>hmanywayso@gianahman

uhhh you want to elaborate???

>>>>>>local-nurse@drinkuptime

i dont think i can do that in good conscious

>bi-tch@pparker

matt and foggy have ruined my yt too

>>bi-tch@pparker

can’t say im really complaining because some of those videos are entertaining

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

id have to agree with you there

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

@Daredevil i just got a text that you made spidey cry wtf did you do

>oscarissac-era@moonsandstars

dd what did you do….

>webslinger@spideyofficial

no no!!! happy tears happy tears i promise!!

>>DD@Daredevil

You started crying?

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

that was one of the nicest things someone has done for me, especially with you know… everything that went down

>>>>potatokid@IronLad

you want to explain spidey???

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

dd got me a menorah since i didn’t have one after everything that i told you about a while back

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i just gjakghdas i wasn’t expecting it and them boom! he gives it to me and i break down in tears because i’m so happy

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

You deserve this Spidey.

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you are the best <3

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

dont hit me up i just found out i’m the password child

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

how? love your parents are dead

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

doesn’t mean i can’t be the password child

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you are the password child webs :D

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

wait you cant just leak our passwords like that

mod 1

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i’m your guys’ password too????

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

who were you talking about????

mod 1

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

uhhhh no one

*****

DD@Daredevil

@spideyofficial You’re not my child, but you are my password.

>webslinger@spideyofficial

you can admit i’m your son its alright

>>DD@Daredevil

Lying is a sin Spider-Man.

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

bro stop

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i dont think people usually call their fathers bro

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

twitch stream with bae at 3 :>

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

never call me that again

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

lmao is this our break up post 🫢

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you can be insufferable

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

*sigh* but i love you

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

yay :D i knew you did

*****

Trending

#2 Spider-Man

#3 Twitch

#5 SpideyGoblin

*****

Twitch.TV/SpideyOfficial

Description: come hang out with me and the bf as we answer some of your questions and tell some work stories :)

“Oh god there’s so many more people here than I thought there would be, hi everyone!” Peter waved a gloved hand at the camera. He was in his suit of course, he had to cover his face one way or another, but there was a sweatshirt thrown over it - a band that he had been getting into was featured on the front.

Harry was seen walking into frame. The other vigilante had forgone much of the armor on his suit, mostly clad in the fabric interior with his mask on and orange hood obscuring his face. He was twisting the cap onto a soda bottle. “Wait, you started?” Even though Peter’s eyes weren’t visible, it was obvious that he rolled his eyes harshly, “No, I just greeted everyone without starting the stream.”

“Don’t need to get defensive on me hun.”

The chat was flooding with comments, so quickly that neither Peter nor Harry could tell what they were saying. “Alright, alright, we have a hashtag on Twitter going with questions since that’ll be easier to filter through.” Harry sat in the chair next to Peter, leaning up against his side as he scrolled through his phone.

Peter wrapped his arm around the other, “Alright, seems like the boyf is being antisocial again.” “I’m not antisocial.” “Sure you aren’t.”

“Moving on,” Harry straightened out as he found a question to answer, “From @thelightstwinkle, hey hobgoblin, ooo this one’s for me, how did you come up with your name? Was it purposely based off of Green Goblin?” The two vigilantes looked at each other for a moment, trying not to laugh. “Uh yeah it is, that’s why I’m the better goblin. There’s some personal history with that but that is a conversation for a much later date.”

Peter stifled his chuckle with a cough, “Oh look it's Patriot, Spider-Man and Hobgoblin, if you two would stop ignoring the group chat that would be great. Wait, have we been ignoring it?”

Harry nearly dropped his phone, “I think we have. Oops?”

“Massive oops,” Peter scrolled through the chat, some trying to ignore the problem at hand again. “Anyways, looks like you are all overjoyed that we’re here. Maybe we’ll do this again then…”

There was a tapping at the window on Peter’s right, causing the teen to nearly fall from his chair. The window then flew open, “Hey Spidey, Gobby look at what I’ve got here!”

“Wade what the he-”

The stream suddenly cut off, a screen popping up that had a drawing of Spider-Man and Hobgoblin together holding a technical difficulties sign.

Stream Will Resume Shortly

*****

[email protected]

when the benadryl hits and you start seeing the lord of the flies

>[email protected]

call that simoncore

>>cass@Stature

when you can sing c sharp, call that jackcore

>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

being the democratically elected leader of a group of “children”, call that ralphcore

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

having a second half who you share sentences with, call that Samnericcore

>>>>>TheIcon@Ms. Marvel

beng the funniest in the group, call that mauricecore

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

wearing glasses, call that piggycore

>>>>>>>potato-child@IronLad

you dont even NEED THEM!!!!

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

THEY HELP ME CONNECT TO MY DEAD FATHER!!!!

>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

dark and brooding call that rogercore

*****

localnurse@drinkuptime

everything i’ve learned about my resident idiots i’ve learned against my will

>localnurse@drinkuptime

anyway today i learned spider-man can eat three whole pizzas by himself

>>DD@Daredevil

Is that where he is?

>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

come pick up your child

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Still isn’t mine.

>>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

nah he is

>>>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

he’s with someone else now, not my problem anymore

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

bro moonknight just taught me how to swear in spanish

>Loki(he/him)@sneksneak

you didn’t know how before?

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i know more now

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i guess you haven’t listened to my teachings then :/

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

pool, i don’t think you’ve really taught me anything

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

actually no scrap that the taco place address is the only thing you’ve taught me

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

moonknight taught you how to swear in spanish…. -steven

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

yeah he did >:)

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

everytime peter texts me to come up with an excuse for him i’m going to charge him one coffee

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

“but gwen wouldn’t money be better?” no because I forget that i want to get coffee until i’m already at school and then i’m sad that i don’t have coffee

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

anyway he owes me four coffees

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

wow i should start doing something like that

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

peter now owes me two movie nights where i get to pick the movie >:)

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

What kind of excuses is he asking you to come up with?

>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

now if we told you that would go against the excuses

>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

wait-

*****

bi-tch@pparker

if i get an internship at nm&p is it considered nepotism??

>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

that is literally the definition of nepotism

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

you think other people want that position??? you must think really highly of us

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

You don’t already work here?

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

everyday i ask myself how that place stays together

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

i think we all do

>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

it’s our amazing legal abilities

>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

It’s because we’re still renting from Foggy’s family.

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

just had the weirdest two days in the world

>webslinger@spideyofficial

yes i was off duty but in my defense i wasn’t even in this universe so i think i get a pass

>>cod-era@moonsandstars

hey uhhhh spidey was is that supposed to mean???

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

exactly what it sounds like???

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

okay after explaining it to DD (he took it pretty poorly) and DP (he thought it was awesome) i’ll explain it to the rest of you <3

>webslinger@spideyofficial

some other spider-man messed up astronomically because of like magic and secret identity stuff and i sort of got ripped through the multiverse and thrown into his universe

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

there was another one too who was like older and more mature and guys this dudes webs came out of him

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i don’t even want to think of how that it possible (honestly not the weirdest thing i’ve seen) but still it was strange

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

anyway i met two more besties and we’re trying to find a way to talk to each other now :)

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

only my bf would meet two variants of himself through traumatizing circumstances and become their friend

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

spidey 1 was so sad though :( he’s all alone now :((((

>>>potato-kid@Ironlad

not with our horrifying sense of friendship he isn’t going to be

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you bet your ass he isn’t gonna be

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

who else did you meet? - steven

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

weellll dd was there technically but he was off doing day job stuff, didn’t meet mk sadly, and there were a lot of villains that i really didn’t want a reintroduction with too

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

was i there <3

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

older spidey said you died

>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

but i’m still here bb <3

>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

your relationship scares me

*****

potato-kid@Ironlad

not tony saying we’re gonna go meet someone and them being a member of the young avengers team 💀

>KB@youngerhawkeye

they opened the door like “uhhhh how did you find this apartment”

>>[email protected]☑️

How was I supposed to know that that was who that was

>>>potato-kid@Ironlad

that awkward moment when you’re supposed to be a genius

>>>>Loki (he/they)@sneksneak

imagine messing up that badly

>>>>>[email protected]

everybody f in the chat for tony stark

>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

you have one of the best spies in the world on your own team and you couldn’t figure this out????

>>>>>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

I said no because contrary to popular belief I do in fact have morals

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

not so funny story tony stark sort of died in the other universe rip

>webslinger@spideyofficial

i would make more jokes but that spidey was attached and literally an avenger before everything so i’m gonna leave this here

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wow didn’t expect spidey to be making these tweets

>>>DD@Daredevil

You’ve corrupted him.

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

don’t try to get yourself out of that one

mod 2

*****

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

buddy can actually be something so special

>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

if you said that in your vows i would leave the wedding

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

wow harsh karen

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

You love us too much to leave our wedding if we had one.

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

matt and foggy are getting married? good for them but I think I missed a chapter

>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

don’t worry if those two dumbasses were getting married you’d know well in advance, you’d probably be a bridesmaid

>>>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

i’d be down to do that

*****

[email protected]

just had a teamup with scarlet scarab i’m dying happy now guys

>LayLow@LittleScarab

you did great today :)

>>[email protected]

you did amazing too!!! your wings are literally the coolest thing ever!!!

>>>cass@Stature

oh no she’s fangirling again

>>>>[email protected]

let me have this

>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

would you be down for a teamup again ms. marvel?

>>>>>>>[email protected]

I would very much be down for that, thank you for this opportunity scarab :D

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

did people not know we were moon knight? it seems really impossible that people didn’t know we were moon knight - steven/marc

>threescompany@themoonsystem

we are literally called the moonsystem, moon knight has three different outfits, you know, for three different people! - steven/marc

>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

same energy as when people found out I was deaf, just because I’m a superhero doesn’t mean I can’t be disabled

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

This goes out to all the people that thought I couldn’t be a lawyer because I’m blind.

>>LayLow@LittleScarab

I find impossible to think that people didn’t know you three were mk

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

yeah that’s what I thought too but obviously that wasn’t the case - marc

>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

you three literally call out to each other all the time during fights

>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

you guys have three different accents???

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I know!! - marc

>>>>>>>threescompnay@themoonsystem

critical thinking skills are lost in this world - jake

*****

h.osborn@harry_osborn

new idea: i buy twt

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

new idea: don’t

>>bi-tch@pparker

well harry that would just be a bad business investment and you would be left with a hellscape (derogatory) on your hands

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

you’re right peter, I can’t think of anyone that would want to go through with that….

*****

bi-tch@pparker

hey uhhhh why did my bf’s twt get restricted????

>bi-tch@pparker

update, they want me to tell you this: “I don’t regret it”

>>bi-tch@pparker

update 2: they’re back everyone say hi harry <3

*****

h.osborn@harry_osborn

someone recently asked what it was like that my bf was still friends with his ex gf and i just kind of sat there for a second until i realized that that really is our friend group

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

it took you that long to realize? you know we were all friends when me and peter were dating right?

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

hey i’m not the smart one that is you and peter’s jobs, i’m just the one with the money

>>>bi-tch@pparker

omg harry you’re right

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i stand corrected, peter you didn’t realize either???? really????

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m just not observant

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

catch me listening to music in a language i can’t understand

>threescompany@themoonssytem

me @ the rest of the system - marc

>thebettergoblin@hobgloblin

is it spanish or french this time

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

portuguese actually

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

its that sun moon song isn’t it

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you cannot come at me for listening to songs i don’t know the words to when you listen to j-pop

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

who’s to say i can’t speak japanese

>[email protected]

this reminds me i need to send you that playlist

>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

you wouldn’t keep forgetting if you shared your spotify with the rest of us 🖐️🙄

>>>[email protected]

that spotify account is my baby i’m not letting anyone else corrupt it

>potato-child@IronLad

country is the best y’all stay mad

>>[email protected]

we get it you’re from the south

>>>potato-child@IronLad

i have to remind you city slickers every once and a while

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

you’ve lived in the city for a few years now

>>>>>potato-child@IronLad

stay mad

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

just got told i was adopted don’t hit me up

>bi-tch@pparker

omg me too bestie <3

>>Avengers@TheAvengers

we’re besties now????

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

see i know why things have changed but i sort of liked things better when you two were fighting all the time

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

it was pretty funny actually

>>>>>[email protected]☑️

No it wasn’t, don’t bring back those times

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

we can bring it back

>>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

don’t even have to hesitate it will happen

*****

[email protected]☑️

Those two kids are going to be the death of me

>bi-tch@pparker

really? weak.

>>potato-child@IronLad

do better

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

sounds like a you issue

*****

Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

I just realized I was used for someone’s history assignment 🧍

>THOR@sonofodin

You were used by someone? That’s not like you sister.

>>Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

sometimes we mess up and sometimes you end up writing a three page essay for some highschooler

>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

who the hell got you to do that?

>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

we all know who it was.

>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

watch yourself, you’ve been roped into things by those kids too

>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

All of us have

>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

we stay winning 😌

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

guess who just got an A on his history essay!!!

>webslinger@spideyofficial

wait why is everyone quote tweeting this

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

loki you snitch :O

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

I would do anything to eat the icecream in the one barney movie

>DD@Daredevil

What the actual Hell are you talking about?

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

I know your childhood wasn’t happy or anything but there was barney movie with a scene that I would do anything to live in

>>>DD@Daredevil

Wade you’re in your thirties.

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

its called healing my inner child

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

I KNOW THAT MOVIE!!!

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

that scene lived in my mind for years and i always thought it was fake!!!

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

catch me and spidey rewatching it and describing everything to DD

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Please don’t.

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

this conversation with dp reminded me of this thing that my aunt used to have me watch on vhs that was supposed to teach me manners or something

>webslinger@spideyofficial

all i remember was that there was some kid making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and i wanted to eat that more than anything

>>DD@Deadpool

Is it just a you guys thing that you want to eat things from your childhood.

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i think its a normal thing when you have a strange childhood

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i used to have a slight peanut allergy

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Then why would you want to eat the sandwich?

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

because the kid eating it looked so happy and i wanted a piece of that

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

the same reason i wanted to eat that milkshake from the barney movie

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

good times

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

its not a real friendship if you don’t think about kissing the homies just a little bit

>[email protected]☑️

You have a personal twitter for a reason, maybe this is one of those times that you should use it

>>Avengers@TheAvengers

don’t try to say what I just tweeted wasn’t correct

>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

you’re right kid

>>>>[email protected]☑️

Don’t instigate him further

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

instigate them further clint!!!!

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

do it do it do it

>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

you’re not wrong

>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Bucky…

>>>Birdman@Falcon

don’t try to deny it

*****

Loki(They/He)@sneksneak

happy solstice everyone, the nights are getting shorter but that doesn’t mean the weather’s getting any better

>THOR@sonofodin

Happy solstice brother :)

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

is that what a normal family dynamic look likes?

>>>Loki(They/He)@sneksneak

you know damn well that we don’t have a normal family dynamic

>>>>THOR@sonofodin

Not in the slightest

>>>>>THOR@sonofodin

Though Loki is still one of the most important people in my life

>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

:/ me and my siblings just argue

>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

imagine having siblings

>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

imagine not being a little bitch

*****

bi-tch@pparker

whoever pulled the fire alarm during class today is going to need to speak to my lawyers

>bi-tch@pparker

yes that happens to be matt and foggy

>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I think that violates some sort of ethics code.

>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

i’m ready to go after someone for you pete

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

imagine standing out in the cold, couldn’t be me

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

okay mr. “let me not show up today I don’t need to” listen here-

>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

i literally picked you up today after

>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

we went to that cafe you like with gwen

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

it 👏 was 👏 still 👏 cold

>>potato-child@IronLad

only in new york

>>>bi-tch@pparker

says the one that complains about their old life in tennessee all the time 💀

>>>>potato-child@IronLad

i’m hypocritical i know

>>>>>potato-child@IronLad

i’m still gonna make fun of ny tho

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

the more time i spend with the avengers (most of the time against my will) the more i think that they’re a semi disfunctional polycule

>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

semi disfunctional???? spider-man you’re giving us so much credit

>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

wait, you didn’t know what was going on

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

what??? between you and clint’s replies i’m losing my mind right now

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

hon i think you’re the dumbest genius in the entire world

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

no we all know its my dad don’t strip away that title

>>>>>[email protected]☑️

I’m quite offended kid

>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

“Im QuItE OfFeNdEd KiD” checkmate you adopted me that’s on you

>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

the way I forgot you were adopted 🧍

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

guys please explain to me what the fuck is going on right now

*****

Trending

#3: Avengers

#4: Ironman

#7: Polyamory

*****

Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

how was I not the one involved in a polycule

>Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

it would have been so on brand for me

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

so the polycule is real?????

>>>Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

yeah dumbass it came free with the fucking trauma bond

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

omfg i just outed the avengers polycule

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

harls i know you run this account but @Avengers I am so sorry for what I have done

>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

this has been the best twenty four hours of my life

*****

[email protected]☑️

Yes, I have multiple partners, we been knew

>potato-kid@IronLad

ew stop trying to be down with the kids

>>[email protected]☑️

No, it’s my duty to embarrass you as much as I can

*****

DD@Daredevil

No, I’m not married.

>DD@Daredevil

We’re in the process of figuring all of that out.

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

I did not find out about you and the bfs engagement through twitter

>>>DD@Daredevil

We’re not engaged.

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

yet ;)

mod 2

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

DD if me and wade find out about this through twt there will be a fight

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

you and wade will be the first to know

mod 2

>>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

and me of course

mod 1

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

We do not have enough money for a wedding.

*****

KB@youngerhawkeye

@YoungAvengers what if we, just an idea, broke in to ST

>KB@youngerhawkeye

would it be fun? absolutely. do i just want to crawl through those vents? definitely

>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

Yeah you’re a Hawkeye alright

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

oh shit i probably shouldn’t have tweeted that

>>>>[email protected]

nah i’m still down to break in

>>>>>cass@Stature

lets do it guys

>>>>>>[email protected]

should we???

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

yes we should

>>>>>>>>Loki(They/Them)@sneksneak

he says after getting the avengers to already have eyes out for him

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

wait they do??!!??!?!

*****

fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

i have two bfs stay mad

>[email protected]☑️

I have 2 and a wife beat that

>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

tony i am a gay man 🧍♂️

>>>[email protected]

Okay and?? Do better

>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Calm down you’re both pretty

>>>>>Birdman@Falcon

sometimes I have so much regret about this

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

i- i’m not well

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

lmao @pparker gwen saw a pretty person and her brain broke

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

he says as if they haven’t done the same thing

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

bestie you already know im a hypocrite <3

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

sooooo who’s the lucky person

>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

peter it will be over for you

>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

they work at the coffee shop you and gwen always stop at

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

ohhhh, mj?

>>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i will block your ass

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

my eyes have been opened like i met god

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

in layman’s terms @Daredevil @spideyofficial i got some teaaa

>>DD@Daredevil

That’s not how you use the phrase layman’s terms.

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

what’s up pool

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

well obviously only one of you cares

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i’ll send it in the gc we aren’t about to spill these spicy deets over twt

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I’m begging you to speak like a normal person.

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

that would require that xe be a normal person and we all know he can’t do that

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

breaking the cycle by spending chanukah with peter -steven

>threescompany@themoonsystem

best time ever let me tell you -steven

>>bi-tch@pparker

i had lots of fun too :D

>>>bi-tch@pparker

we’ll have to meet up together next year too

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

most definitely :) - steven/jake

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

:O jake used an emoji

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

shut your mouth parker - jake

*****

KB@youngerhawkeye

spidey was right

>KB@youngerhawkeye

shit i owe him thirty now

>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

you want to explain kate?

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

its probably for the best that i dont…..

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

i fucking told you! you would have been thirty dollars richer today if you listened to me

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

and i wouldn’t have so shut your mouth

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

thank you for not listening to harls, kate <3

>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

i have student loans….

*****

KB@youngerhawkeye

clints letting me share this because i begged him and i think its funny as hell

>KB@youngerhawkeye

so yall know that episode of parks and rec where april is explaining her relationship? that shit is real!!!

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

mrs. barton “this is my husband clint and clints boyfriend scott”

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

WAIT I JUST REALIZED HOPE HAS PROBABLY HAD THE SAME CONVERSATION

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

“this is my boyfriend scott and scotts boyfriend clint”

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

guys i’m a fucking genius

>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

mmmm I regret allowing you to tweet

>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

you love me you cant deny that

>>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

you forced your friendship on me

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

just passed america in a hottopic

>[email protected]

bro don’t call me out like that

>>[email protected]

wait why didn’t you say anything???

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i was on the job, can’t get distracted

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

he was not in fact on the job instead he was gushing over the fact that they have spidey merch

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

babeeeeee now you’re calling me out

>>>>>[email protected]

omg you are such a loser

>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

hey only i get to make fun of spidey like that

>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you’re a massive dork hun

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i came here to have a good time and honestly i’m feeling really attacked right now

*****

bi-tch@pparker

bro you’ve got to be kidding me 💀

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

what happened??

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

gwen just wait till fifth period

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

@pparker you’re really gonna suffer next thursday

*****

idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

What’s the rules with emancipated minors and permission slips?

>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

matt what happened??

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

what minor????

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

wow your names really do fit. they’re talking about peter obviously, but why do you need to sign a permission slip?

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

how about we just sign it and call it a day

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

You really could have gotten away with anything, I would have signed it. Now that you’re trying to talk around the subject I know somethings up.

>>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

peter you’re supposed to be the smart one

>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

well obviously i wasn’t thinking

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

its just a stupid field trip please just sign it

>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I’ll sign it but do know we’ll be talking about this later.

*****

potato-kid@IronLad

did i just learn that my favorite nerds from midtown are going to be taking a field trip to stark tower???

>bi-tch@pparker

lets not talk about it

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

we’re your favorite nerds?

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

what other nerds from midtown would they be talking about

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

fair enough

>>potato-kid@IronLad

oh we are going to be talking about it ;) who do you think your tour guides gonna be

>>>bi-tch@pparker

harley please no

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

you can try to fight against this as much as you want but just know that it’ll just make me want to do it more

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

this is going to be the second worst fieldtrip ever

>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

what was the first one

>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

you already know the answer to that shut up

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

DD isn’t appreciating my showtunes :(

>DD@Daredevil

I would never expect the thing you and mod 2 have in common would be showtunes.

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

guess me and wade will have to hang out more

-mod 2

>>>DD@Daredevil

Oh god please no.

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

looks like its just me and you now dp :)

-mod 2

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you know it ;)

>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

oh shit dd coming over gotta go

- mod 2

>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

No flirting with mod 2 Wade.

>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

ooo possessive much? >:)

*****

[email protected]

you know those videos where people are restocking their fridges and stuff?? i want my life to be as organized as that

>KB@youngerhawkeye

you’re a vigilante that’s not happening anytime soon

>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

and you’re an avenger so… no organization here :/

>>>cass@Stature

wait i have to send you a video then because this lady had a massive fridge that she was restocking and there was an ice freezer

>>>>cass@Stature

like an entire freezer just for ice!!! there were so many different kinds with different add ins and shapes and honestly i was kinda jealous

>>>>>[email protected]

its like when i watch those people that have the mini fridges in their rooms and everything just fits so perfectly

>>>>>>[email protected]

i’m sorta annoyed because i will never be as perfect as that but i have to admire their organizational skill because its quite astonishing

>>>>>>>cass@Stature

i’m completely with you on that

>>>>>>>Loki(They/He)@sneksneak

you guys are some of the most boring yet intriguing people i’ve ever met

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

the thrift store nearby raised their prices and honestly I’m feeling very betrayed right now :( - steven

>LayLow@LittleScarab

you have enough books steven, i don’t think your guys’ shelves can handle anymore

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

but theres still so much to learn - steven

>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

there’s the internetttt

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

i’ve been trying to tell him that for ages - jake

>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

he’ll never listen - marc

>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

one day he will when those shelves finally give out

>>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

like we’d ever let that happen, steven may have a book problem but if anything were to happen to those books he’d be devastated - jake/marc

>>>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

aw you guys do care ;)

*****

cass@Stature

someone just dmed me asking if my user was a supernatural reference 🧍♀️

>scottydoesknow@AntMan

well is it?

>>cass@Stature

how did you find my twt….

>>>scottdoesknow@AntMan

I know the internet

>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

he asked me and i gave it up

>>>>>cass@Stature

betrayal, betrayal of the highest degree

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

people assuming I’m cis:

the fact that i added “man” to my hero name: 👀

>webslinger@spideyofficial

i bet 90% of the people that have man/woman in their hero name are not cis in some way, it just feels right

>>potato-kid@IronLad

maybe like a 70/30

>>>webslinger@spideyoffial

they he/they in your bio

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

bitch i never said i wasn’t involved i was talking about my dad stfu

>>>>>capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Captain isn’t really gender specific but…

>>>>>>[email protected]

assigned Dr. at birth

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

guys i wrangled another avenger in my replies

>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

When they hell did they get a twt?

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

every since you decided to say everything on twitter

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

oh. shit

Chapter Text

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

not me finding out that matt has perfect pitch

>idiot_two@thehotlaywer

does it make sense?? yes. do i like it??? mmmm i don’t know about that one

>>bi-tch@pparker

wait he does rip me ig then

>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

You guys didn’t know? I thought it was quite obvious?

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wait i know more about matt then you two do????

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

this is an insane day

>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Don’t try to twist this into something that it isn’t.

>>>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

you guys must have missed out when it was tapping my pens at work and matt could tell which note they were

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

damn i which i was that talented

*****

potato-kid@IronLad

bring back good yt rewind 2023

>[email protected]

harley i hundred percent agree with you

>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

haven’t they not made one in like three years???

>>>potato-kid@IronLad

irrelevent

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

if yt can’t do it themselves i will

>>>>>[email protected]

the way i could see you doing that

>>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

they way i will, don’t doubt me

>>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

i will literally help you i want to relive that part of childhood

>>>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

you had a childhood?

*****

paintro@quicklsilver

turns out my sister and her robo bf don’t have twitter and that felt wrong

>paintro@quicksilver

of course i had to fix that

>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

I didn’t ask for that

>>>01110110@Vision

I do think this is quite fun though.

>>>>Loki(She/Her)@sneksneak

great you made another person who uses proper grammar

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

DD doesn’t count and you know that

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

anyway hey wanda, hey vision :)

>>>>>>>01110110@Vision

Hello Spider-Man.

>>>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

you better not call out my name

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

my lips are sealed ;)

*****

bi-tch@pparker

wish i could have live tweeted the SI trip but sadly i signed like 12 NDAs so…

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

bitch… don’t even try

>>bi-tch@pparker

harry no please

>>>potato-kid@IronLad

hmmm sounds sus peter

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

that died like 2 years ago harls

>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

uh not in my vocabulary it didn’t

>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

it may have sucked for you but i just met the second love of my life

>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

oh we know gwen

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

at least she’s put together :’)

*****

future-ceo@thebabysitter

i have two girlfriends and your jealous

>bi-tch@pparker

good for you

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

we’re really happy for you gwen

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

i tried to make you guys annoyed but thank you for the support <3

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

anyway stan mj and shuri

*****

drinkuptime@localnurse

someone tell DD to fix his outfit

>drinkuptime@localnurse

do you know how many stains i’ve had to get out of that now??

>>DD@Daredevil

Is it really that bad?

>>>drinkuptime@localnurse

pleaseeee fix it

>>>>DD@Daredevil

I didn’t think it was that bad.

>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

well….

-mod 2

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

we support you 100% :)

-mod 1

>>>>>>>drinkuptime@localnurse

do not let them get away with this

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Now I’m just concerned.

>>>>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

youre doing amazing sweetie

-mod 2

*****

[email protected]

The next time someone decides they want to mess with the fabric of reality please let me know first

>[email protected]

my B sry

>>[email protected]

You can’t just “sry” your way out of this one

>>>[email protected]

nahhh i can sry my way out of anything

>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

you have to admit that what she did was pretty amazing

>>>>>>[email protected]

I’ll admit, it was pretty amazing, but messing with the fabric of reality!

>>>>>>>[email protected]

and i looked great doing it so go off ig

>>>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

the new costume looks great :)

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

you bet it did >:) stephan you just have to loosen up

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

Me allowing you to call me Stephan is me loosening up

*****

Birdman@Falcon

news flash: tony and steve do that thing where even if they’re fighting they refuse to leave the other

>Birdman@Falcon

I’ve seen them get pissed off at each other and they lay on the couch together

>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

He says as if he and Bucky aren’t the same

>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

stevie, stevie, stevie, me and sam admit it, you and tony do not

>>>>[email protected]☑️

I will sue you for slander

>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

you wouldn’t sue your bfs husband

>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

don’t test me

>>>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

wait steve and bucky are married

>>>>>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

we’ve known this for nearing three years now

>>>>>>>>>coolsister@betterwidow

by we she means me, and her ig

>>>>>>>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

when did you get here?

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

don’t hit me up i just found out i’ve been following a parody blog on tumblr and not the real person for the past two years

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i’m crying in the club rn

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

how do you not know for two years??!!??!

>>>DD@Daredevil

Spidey remember who you’re talking to.

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

two whole years bro two fucking years

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Again, it’s Wade.

>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i can’t even be mad at you for insulting me like that because its quite an accurate statement

>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I only make accurate statements.

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

now that was a fucking lie

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

how dare you go around sinning like that

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

today i woke up in new york, tomorrow, who’s to say - J

>LayLow@LittleScarab

that is not a comforting statement

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

you think i’m supposed to be comforting?? - J

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

honestly i take that back steven, marc, and you get a pass - J

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

awwww i knew you loved us <3 - S

>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

he just never wants to admit it

>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

more emotionally stunted then marc

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

oh wow layla, way to pull out the poor emotional management card - M

>>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

I do what I want <3

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

babe took the funny card so now i’m not allowed to make jokes for the next week :/

>potato-kid@IronLad

does that mean you’ll stop being cringe now :O

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

that one just hurt

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

he says as if his life isn’t one massive joke

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

sadly its one of those jokes that aren’t funny

>>DD@Daredevil

We promised we wouldn’t make fun of him in these trying times.

>>>drinkuptime@local_nurse

oh god i’ve seen daredevil try to by funny the world must be ending

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

one of the seven seals have been broke

-mod 2

>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

still love you tho of course <3

-mod 2

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Me making a joke is not a sign of the end times.

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

uhhh actually it is checkmate ratio get owned loser

>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you know the funny card was revoked because nothing he just said made me even so much as chuckle

>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

and to think, they love each other

*****

[email protected]

great news! I’m going to my school dance with bruno!

>[email protected]

bad news! my brother is dropping us off and my mom has said she will call me every hour

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

siblings what can i say

>>>[email protected]

you are literally an only child

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

checkmate clint has basically adopted me so i’ve got siblings now

>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

i have another daughter??

>>>>>>cass@Stature

do you have post notifications on for us????

>>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

maybe so, i have to make sure you guys aren’t getting up to too much trouble

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

here to wish you good luck since your post kinda got hijacked :)

>>>[email protected]

thanks gwen :D

>>>>[email protected]

though i will say watching that mess go down is always entertaining

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

me going into stark tower: :0 he’s in the wallsss

>[email protected]☑️

It’s something that you just have to get used to kid

>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

its gets easier

>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

what the hell, I told them to stop doing that

>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

I wasn’t listening

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

so you turn off your hearing aids around everyone you dont want to listen to, interesting

>paintro@quicksilver

uhhh who the fuck is in the walls

>>THOR@sonofodin

From what I can tell it is Clint, why they do that I will ever know

>>>01110110@Vision

I believe it is because Clint find it amusing to scare the others in the tower.

>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

sadly it works

>>>>>>coolsister@betterwidow

nobody told me those walls we hollow enough to crawl through

>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

now you know

>>>>>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

do not encourage them, she’ll get in the walls too and then i’ll have to deal with two idiots in the walls

>>>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

our user is looking pretty good right about now…

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

jake speaking spanish >>>> - S

>bi-tch@pparker

there is something wrong with you steven

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I- thanks its the disorder <3 - S

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

drag himmmmm

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

wait i. fsdjgk no brain

>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

nah you were right to call him out, steven wtf

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

alternatively: you speaking arabic >>>>> - S

>>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

yours is pretty good too, though marcs could use a bit of work

>>>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I am trying!!! - M

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

so we’ve all just moved on from steven’s comment??? alright alright

*****

paintro@quicksilver

@ScarletWitch yo sis i just realized you and layla are like hero name twins

>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

oh, i guess we are, that’s nice :)

>>LayLow@LittleScarab

scarlet witch and scarlet scarab, it sounds good

>>>paintro@quicksilver

no need to thank me for creating the friendship of a lifetime

>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

you @ ed me on twitter??

>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

i put in the work and i put in the hours

>>>>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

please don’t quote the rock right now

>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

it is always the right moment to quote the rock

*****

h.osborn@harry_osborn

i am the definition of that video that goes “i’m not just a bitch, i’m a bitch with a backstory.”

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

wait why are you all quote tweeting this???

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

oh its talking about the gay trauma carry on

>>>bi-tch@pparker

its moments like this where i think my bf forgets that he’s famous

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

well i forget that when i’m with you since we like grew up together and all that

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

elementary school sweethearts <3

>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

you’re parents worked for my dad….

>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

irrelevant <3

>>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

you see that’s actually an integral part of the backstory, my dad pawning me off on your parents when he didn’t want to deal with me, because then i spent my life growing up with you <3

>>>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

never let me get like this

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

breaking your rib like a normal person: boring, overdone

breaking your rib cause you’re a dumbass: showstopping, never been done before, iconic

>webslinger@spideyofficial

anyway i’m gonna be off the next two days, don’t do crime unless you want DD and DP coming after you <3

>>[email protected]

I worry for you sometimes

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

funnily enough thats what DD and DP say too, DD more scary about it though

>>DD@Daredevil

This is why we listen to me instead of doing stupid things.

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i hate to say it but i’m gonna have to agree with devilboy on this one

>>>>DD@Daredevil

I hate that nickname, never use it again.

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

now i’m just gonna have to use it more :P

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Wade.

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

its already your new contact name ♥️

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

ughhhh second semester be hitting really hard right now

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

it is the second day

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay and? doesn’t mean i dont want to crawl into a hole and pretend that school doesn’t exist???

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

sometimes i forget that spideys still in highschool

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i literally talk about school all the time????

>>>DD@Daredevil

What they mean is that when you talk about school it seems like college because you’re talking about college level work.

>>>>DD@Daredevil

I would know, I’ve been to college.

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

me not so much but lol anywayssss devilboy’s right

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Please stop.

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

not in a millions years <3

>>>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

what if I called you devilboy????

-mod 2

>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

You’d come back to a cold bed.

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

if you miss nearly two weeks of school again i’m going to lose it

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay first of all

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

I was sick three of those days and was staying with DD you know that, kinda had to, it wasn’t like they would have left me go

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

two of them were because of… other superhero things

>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

that’s only five days

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i was sort of hoping that you wouldn’t pick up on that

>>>>>>>thebetterhoblin@hobgobling

you thought that they???? weren’t going to pick up on counting???

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay b a b e yes that was what i was talking about

>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

friendship over

>>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

I thought we were better friends than this

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

I’m going to pay for this later

>potato-kid@IronLad

HAH imagine

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay mx. “sorry i got heir things to do i can’t be bothered to go to school”

>>>potato-kid@IronLad

I am looking really hard right now

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

shut the fuck up.

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

back in london right now :D -S

>threescompany@themoonsystem

I’ve convinced marc and jake to go on a few museum tours and I’m living for it!! -S

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

steven you remind me that there is good in the world

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

painfully ironic but i’ll take it :) -S

>>>[email protected]

the better ste(v/ph)en…..

>>>>[email protected]

I have done so much for you and this is how you repay me?

>>>>>[email protected]

uhhhhhhh yeah

>>>>>>[email protected]

ooo america, going for the kill

>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

I know Moon Knight can’t really be a young avenger for obvious reasons, but they aren’t an avenger to marc,steven, and jake are immediately superior

>>>>>>>>[email protected]

I…. I don’t agree with your user

>>>>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

I think the user is pretty awesome

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

Harley I will take away your access to the avengers account

>>>>>>>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

no please

>>coolsister@betterwidow

have fun in london!

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I’ve never met you but thank you! -S

*****

bi-tch@pparker

how does turnabout work when your in a gay relationship????

>bi-tch@pparker

like, neither of us went to homecoming because we were like “uhh maybe no” and i dont really think that turnabout would be any different but this is a question for the table

>>bi-tch@pparker

anyways what are everyones thoughts?

>>>potato-kid@IronLad

last time i went to a school dance was in tennessee and that was very different

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

midtown does turnabout?????

>>>[email protected]

sadly can’t help but do whatever feels right

>>>[email protected]

what’s a school dance???

>>>cass@Stature

if you end up asking please embarrass harry he needs to be taken down a few pegs

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

ouch okay

>>>>>cass@Stature

still love you though <3

>>>Loki(He/Him)@sneksneak

which is more gender affirming?

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

lowkey harry asking because like, normally with this kind of dance the girl asks the guy and the thought of people treating me like a girl is ughhhhhhh gross

>>>>>Loki(He/Him)@sneksneak

understandable, talk to your bf

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

you’re the best :D <3

*****

bi-tch@pparker

alright, since people would like me to explain everything of how i know the young avengers and the other avengers i will explain

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

lol you called them the “other avengers”

>bi-tch@pparker

so i needed money™ and mr. stark lowkey came after me with this grand old opportunity at an internship and because it had lab and again money i said yes because who wouldn’t

>>bi-tch@pparker

i sorta accidentally met the young avengers through harley because they just bring the others around every once and a while because friends :D

>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’ve met the other avengers because i’ve worked on their stuff before since i’m like a personal intern or whatever

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

tldr: i work with stark and stark=avengers

>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

when you’ve turned against oscorp :(

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

when i’ve literally had this position for months with your knowledge

>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

my bfs a fraud (just kidding i love you and could never hate you <3)

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

*sigh* love you too <3

*****

Trending:

#2: Tony Stark

#4: Peter Parker

Trending with Stark Internship

*****

C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

guys I’ve just found out one of the coolest facts about a coworker and I can’t share it but this has made me immensely happy

>KB@youngerhawkeye

dont be shy share in the dms

>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

alright, give me a minute to ask them

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

oh shit wasn’t expecting that but hell yeah

>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

we will know become best friends

*****

[email protected]

Tony has forced this account upon me

>THOR@sonofodin

BRUCE!!!

>>[email protected]

hello Thor <3

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

the fuck have I been missing???????

>>>>DD@Daredevil

A lot apparently.

Chapter Text

paintro@quicksilver

everyday I wake up and I uhhhhhhhhhh

>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

great post, you’re doing amazing

>>paintro@quicksilver

I know you’re being sarcastic but I’ll take the compliment

>webslinger@spideyofficial

lmao me too

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

@hobgoblin the two us waking up after the revamp of the sinister six

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

will you stop giving the villains cool group names like that, it makes them sound like boy bands

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

they’re all k-pop bands

>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

wades about to get canceled on twt

>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

I can already see the fancams from here

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

if you honestly think angry teenagers on twt is my biggest threat you have not met colossus

>>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

who the hell is colossus

>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

We’ve learned its best if we just ignore Wade when he gets like this.

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

call xem a cognitohazard

>>>>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

being around them makes my brain hurt sometimes

*****

KB@youngerhawkeye

“what should we call you” - some reporter who was shoving their mic in my face after I had to help take down kingpin for the 50 time

>KB@youngerhawkeye

the only reason my twt name is “youngerhawkeye” was because a) its not like me and clint could just have the same name and b) because its adorable

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

I am still hawkeye, and so is clint, i’m not anything else so s t o p pleaseeee

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

omg me too bestie

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

people out here thinking I support the green goblin in anyway

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

nah you’re too cool for that

>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you know it <3

>>>>>>>[email protected]

me too accept I was literally in love with captain novel

>>>>>>>>[email protected]

tho let it be said my dad helped inspire me with my name <3

>>>>>>>>potato-child@IronLad

I wanted to piss of tony

>>>>>>>>>potato-child@IronLad

I mean it worked for like three minutes before he said he was honored and some shit like that

>>>>>>>>>TheBetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

we’re awesome guys, and our hero names reflect that

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

sucks to suck guys, i’m an original hoe ;)

*****

fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

“Captain America stands for good old tradition values” captain america is a dumbass bitch that i love very much

>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Thank you for defending my honor but did you have to call me a dumbass bitch???

>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

you’re my dumbass bitch

>>fiftbelow@WhiteWolf

okay my shared dumbass bitch but like that’s good enough

>>>[email protected]

bucky shares the braincell in the polycule

>>>>Birdman@Falcon

I would like to disagree

>>>>>[email protected]

I would like to as well

>>>>>>Birdman@Falcon

sit your ass back down I was talking about myself and pepper

>>>>>>>Agent Romanoff@Black Widow

she thanks you for adding her

>>>>>>>>Birdman@Falcon

we all know that without virginia “pepper” potts stark industries would crumble

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

Did we really have to start shit talking me???

>>>>>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

we all know you can take it as well as you give it

>>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

the whole polycules against em

>>>>>>>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

wow tragic

*****

scottydoesknow@AntMan

@ElderHawkeye good to know we’re more put together than that

>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

we most definitely are

>>cass@Stature

idk about that one….

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

got to hard agree on that one

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

your guys’ dumbassery just isn’t posted online

>>>>>cass@Stature

yeah you make us all suffer through it in real life :|

>>>>>>scottydoesknow@AntMan

come on you know are family is great

>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

yes but also exhibit A: you got lost in the walls last week

>>>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

that was an accident and you know it

>>>>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

that was you two being morons

*****

localnurse@drinkuptime

I’m gone for one week!!!

>localnurse@drinkuptime

i was gone for one fucking week and you guys couldn’t keep it together

>>localnurse@drinktuptime

I gave you all my number for a reason a reason!!! when bad things happen and you don’t know what you’re doing you CALL ME

>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

“is it bad if the wound starts getting purple???” YES IT IS you tell someone when that happens

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

good to know we all understand why my name is what it is because damn i need a drink

>>>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

no I don’t hate these fools they’re just the dumbest people i’ve ever met

>DD@Daredevil

To be honest you’ve seen worse.

>>localnurse@drinkuptime

this is not the time to mention that dd

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you won’t ever have to patch me up, unless you want to ;)

>>>>localnurse@drinkuptime

I have a bf wade

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

then i’m just here to make your life easier

>webslinger@spideyofficial

i thought i would be okay :((((

>>localnurse@drinkuptime

i can see your eyes through the screen but you can’t sway me this time

>>>localnurse@drinktuptime

never again

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

now we all know that’s not the truth

*****

Avengers@TheAvengers

just want you all to know that the password for this account was in fact changed but being the absolute unit that I am I hacked in 😎

>[email protected]

please give it up

>>Avengers@TheAvengers

NEVER! :D

>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

do you know how much power this account gives me?? you know how fucking cool I am???

>>>>[email protected]

you are one of the least cool people i’ve ever met

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

bro makes potato guns for a living 😐

>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

am i really out here getting bullied by my own team? guys we’re on the same side

>>>>>>>[email protected]

that’s what being an avengers all about

>>>>>>>>[email protected]

that and knowing that half the population will hate you at any time

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

Yeah there’s no real winning in this game

>>>>>>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

but we’re cool as fuck so it doesn’t really matter

>>>>>>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

my heart was broken, repaired, and then I was violently smacked across the face

Chapter Text

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i’m against kidnapping because kids are annoying

>webslinger@spideyofficial

opposed to the idea that kidnapping is immoral

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

don’t try to talk morals with me spidey we all know that i mostly dont follow those

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i mean look at my previous jobs ;)

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Wade, every single time you say something I wonder if I should allow you to be around Spidey.

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

I am almost an adult but go off I guess

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

also I used the word “almost” very loosely

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Talk to me when you aren’t studying for a high school biology test.

>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

hey! spideys a smart boy we don’t dis him

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

I am more of an adult then most of the people I know

>>>>>>>>>>>local-nurse@drinkuptime

I will say, out of all the vigilantes I know, you can be one of the more mature ones

>>>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

TAKE THAT BITCH

*****

bi-tch@pparker

hey couple thousand of strangers that follow me, you up for a rant about a book we’re reading in my lit class :D

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

“couple thousand” he says as if that’s not hundreds of thousands of people

>>bi-tch@pparker

shhhhh

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

I love listening/reading you rant <3

>>bi-tch@pparker

alright so frankenstein right? that monster bitch except everyones like “oh the doctor is frankenstein” which is like okay yeah ig but he was fucking NINETEEN

>>>bi-tch@pparker

he wasn’t a fucking doctor he wouldn’t have even finished his bachelors degree when he made the creature and everyone should talk about that because skjghasdf college student victor being a quirked up white boy

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

but really both of them are the monster because obviously the creature is like a monster because he’s literally an mish mash of a bunch of different dead body parts but victor is a monster too because he made the thing and also he’s mad from his experiments

>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

they together make the monster and without each other they cant survive or have purpose because spoiler alert they both fucking die in the end (ha reference lmao)

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

but victor is my little creature and i love him. oh to be a mad scientist in the victorian era (yes i know its the 1790s in the novel but something about it just fits for the victorian era)

>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

are you simping after another fucking characters from gothic literature???

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

yes i am

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

also you say this all as if you would not be a perfect little mad scientist in the victorian era….

>>>>>>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

are you calling me sickly?

>>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch_pparker

….no?

>>>>>>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

oh shit peters types finally out? we’re surprised about this???

*****

potato_kid@IronLad

on all levels except physical I am inside tony starks lab

>[email protected]☑️

Just walk in???

>>potato_kid@IronLad

so funny story I actually got locked out

>>>potato_kid@IronLad

also not so funny story ummm me and shuri may not have accidentally deactivated friday….

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you guys are my favorite people in the entire world

>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

right in front of my fucking salad

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you’re my favorite person in the universe <3

>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

Nice save kid.

>>>>[email protected]☑️

How the hell did you even manage to do that???

>>>>>potato_kid@IronLad

shit happens man can you please let me back in :((((

>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

You know what, no, you’re going to live with the actions of your consequences

>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

HA fucking loser

>>>>>>>>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

do not try to act like you have not made some pretty dumb decisions

*****

[email protected]

life is great until i ask to hang out and turns out everyone else is in school :|

>cass@Stature

okay miss “oh i’m from a different universe I don’t need to go to school i’m cool like that”

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

you don’t go to school????

>>>[email protected]

no? i mean, the most “school” i do is when i’m working on magic stuff

>>>>[email protected]

For reference, she did have schooling before so she’s not completely oblivious to all of it

>>>>>[email protected]

I’m offended, I am not oblivious to things

>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

hey america where’s portugal

>>>>>>>[email protected]

shut the hell up

>>>>>>>>Loki(She/He)@sneksneak

america…. I’m not even from earth and I know the answer to that

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

different universe things lmao

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

you cant laugh away that pain

>>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

you bet i’ll try though <3

*****

colourtheory@ScarletWitch

shout out to my moronic brother who - when vision was having trouble because they needed replacements - said “turn them on and off”

>paintro@quicksilever

IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE

>>01110110@Vision

I will admit, it was quite funny.

>>>coolsister@betterwidow

i mean… did you try?

>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

that isn’t what this is about

>>>>>coolsister@betterwidow

you definitely did

>>>>>>01110110@Vision

She did.

>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

wow look at me being right

>>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

not so much of a joke now is it?

>>>>>>>>>01110110@Vision

I am an android, things like this happen.

>>>>>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

pietro i will magic your mouth shut

>>>>>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

won’t stop me from tweeting it ;)

*****

scottydoesknow@Antman

a story in three parts

>scottydoesknow@Antman

I walk into Avengers tower. I see the princess of Wakanda with a sadistic smile on her face. I walk out of Avengers tower

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

my girlfriend is better than your girlfriend

>>>scottdoesknow@Antman

you’re 17???

>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

that doesn’t make it any less true

>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you’re dating the princess of wakanda??

>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

my girlfriends are the best two in the world <3

>>>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

I’m gonna log off of twitter for the day

Chapter Text

bi-tch@pparker

you know that wizard show from the late 2000s that was super gay but didn’t want to admit it

>h.osborn@harry_osborn

omfg here he goes again

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

YES i remember it

>>>bi-tch@pparker

@harry_osborn why can’t you be more like gwen sometimes

>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

when your bf compares you to his ex gf

>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

💀we get it you’re petty

>bi-tch@pparker

anyway before i was so rudely interrupted

>>bi-tch@pparker

the bbc really set up for magic to be this awesome metaphor for queer identity and then said “uhhh actually it means nothing so…”

>>>bi-tch@pparker

then they aired the finale on CHRISTMAS EVE imagine these poor “british” people turning on the tv only to find that the bbc had fucking murked king arthur 💀

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

they did so much wacky shit on that show and i ate it up, i do not care if we used to same horrible cgi as 2008 i want to see merlin and arthur in the modern day doing their monster of the week routine

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

omg i just realized I have a type when it comes to tv shows

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

wait you just realized that????

>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Anyone could have told you that one.

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

honesty shitty “monster of the week” shows really get me going

>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

also the two main characters are always in love

>>>>>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

when he’s in his toxic shipper era>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

when was he never not in that era

>bi-tch@pparker

anyway the gay wizard show is on youtube (every episode) completely for free so enjoy <3

***** idiot_two@thehotlawyer

me and matt should get married

>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

We’re not already?

>>pagesandpages@functioningnotlawyer

two sides of the same coin

>>>pagesandpages@functioningnotlawyer

anyway foggy i’ll be your maid of honor/best man

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

of course <3

>>>>>>local-nurse@drinkuptime

that would be the most disastrous wedding to ever happen

>>>>>>>local-nurse@drinkuptime

i better be invited

>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I’ll personally send you an invitation.

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

wait are you guys actually gonna get married then???

>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

@exmerc<3 is the alliteration trio gonna be over?????

>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

it better not be

>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I won’t ruin the trio.

*****

[email protected]

i want to learn to crochet so I can make 1. a bunch of cute stuffed animals and 2. to make those rectangle hats that end up looking like cat ears

>[email protected]

that is all thank you for coming to my tedtalk

>>Missy@Ms. America

didn’t that meme die like three years ago

>>>[email protected]

you weren’t even in this universe until like seven months ago so shushhhhh

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

imagine learning to crochet

>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

you build things for a living so that’s like mechanical crochet

>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

never say that to me ever again

>KB@youngerhawkeye

ignoring all the dumbasses in the replies, i completely support <3

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

i’ll give you twenty if you can make me a hat too

>>>[email protected]

you don’t have to pay me but of course <3

>>>>[email protected]

see what happens when we work together guys

>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

we’re avengers does it look like we actually work well together

>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

re-fucking-tweet

>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

Every time I threaten to take the account away and then you go and pull stuff like this again

>>>>>>>>>Avengers@TheAvengers

you can never kick me off of it

>>[email protected]

anyway, anyone that has tutorials send them my way <3

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

pov: jake tells you that there’s actually a fortune in the bank that he forgot to tell you about - Steven

>threescompany@themoonsytem

I was out here thinking I was going to lose my flat back in london for months! - Steven

>>LayLow@LittleScarab

how did you think you were affording that place

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I have no idea but knowing I had enough money would have really calmed my nerves 🧍- Steven

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

there was no way you were ever going to afford that apartment with the salary of a giftshoppist - Marc

>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

I am now greatly offended >:( - Steven

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

if you three argue on twt with nearly every interaction then how much do you guys argue in real life

>>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

cada dia peter, cada dia…. - Jake

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

“the vigilantes have caused so many problems in the past decade” >webslinger@spideyofficial

i dont care if the vigilantes murked people in their free time they are like a family to me

>>DD@Daredevil

Do you know how many of us have no kill rules now?

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

its because i’m a good influence

>>>>DD@Daredevil

Actually it’s because of trauma but you can think that if you want to.

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilesbesties

spidey collects wayward family figures like pokemon cards

mod 1

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you’re not wrong I just hate that you’re right

>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

spidey is like a younger brother/son to many of us

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i don’t have the best track record with father figures 💀

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

cause you know my dad really put the dead in deadbeat

>>>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

me too bestie <3

*****

fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

my hobbies include going to museums with my life on exhibit and putting up post notes that say “this bitch is gay”

>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

is that why you keep going back to the history museum??

>>Birdman@Falcon

funniest boyfriend in the entire world

>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

@T.Stark did you hear that ;)

>>>>[email protected]☑️

he’s not dating me so therefore I am the funniest in my own polycule

>>>>>Birdman@Falcon

we’ll agree to disagree

>>>>>>>[email protected]

no I’m pretty sure that Sam is funnier

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

betrayed once more how will I go on

>>>>>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

I think you’ll manage

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

listening to hozier at three am just to feel something

>webslinger@spideyofficial

this is not a lie but fdsgkj do you ever listen to a song and you associate it with a person so much that listening to it makes you really happy???

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

like yes its three in the morning and i should be sleeping but instead i’m listening to hozier and its sad but skfjdfkjskj would that I is making me all giddy

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i just love him so much and this song reminds me of him just ahhhh

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

lmao i just realized they’ll probably see this in the morning that’s awkward oh well

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

god i so gay, i get so caught up in that that i forget i’m actually bi

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

wait stop quote tweeting the last bit this is too awkward nowwwww

*****

bettergoblin@hobhoblin

yes my boyfriend is an idiot and yes i love him this has been my post for the day

>webslinger@spideyofficial

aww they love me <3

>>bettergoblin@hobgoblin

as if this wasn’t established already but whatever

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

oh shit he showed emotions now they won’t express them for another three weeks

>>>>bettergoblin@hobgoblin

i show my emotions all the time tf??

>>>>>[email protected]

uhhh actually we would all like to disagree with you

>>>>>>bettergoblin@hobgoblin

wow I try to make a nice post about my boyfriend and now i’m getting attacked /j

>>>>>>>bettergoblin@hobglobin

guess i’m never going to say anything nice ever again

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

no D:

>>>>>>>>>>>bettergoblin@hobgoblin

turn that frown upside down i hate seeing you sad

>>>>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

he’s on his feels again

*****

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

how do we feel about a spring wedding

>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Shit, Peter’s going to have my head now.

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

…. you didn’t text him yet????

>>bi-tch@pparker

I DID NOT JUST LEARN MY NEW TWO FATHER FIGURES ARE GETTING MARRIED THROUGH FUCKING TWT

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

the fact that you were able to spell all of that right while being mad is commemorable

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m angry not illiterate

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I meant to tell you, but then we got this new case and it slipped my mind.

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i live with you

>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

It’s a really big case.

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

there are no excuses! I am appalled by your behavior

>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

petey found out after me???

>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

WADE KNEW BEFORE ME????

>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

to be fair, xe did nearly crash the proposal

>>>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

that’s because matty boy was stupid about it

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

i can’t disagree with that one

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I was trying my best okay.

*****

Loki(He/Him)@sneksneak

who the hell told peter there was a frankenstein musical

>Loki(He/Him)@sneksneak

yes i know peter, its through internship stuff

>>bi-tch@pparker

its good let me enjoy the modern prometheus without being judged

>>>cass@Stature

judge him please

>>>>[email protected]

he’s not being that bad about it

>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

i’m gonna judge him along side you

>>>>>[email protected]

only i’m allowed to judge peter

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m getting mixed messages from you….

>>>>>>>[email protected]

love you too <3

>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

peter if you play that song one more time I’m going to actually lose it

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m gonna play it one more time

>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

don’t you dare

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

it’s playing~

>>>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

that’s it

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

what are you gonna do gwen? what could you possible do hmmmm

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

HOW THE FUCK DID THEY GET HERE SO FAST??!??

>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

tell my boyfriend i love them, tell matt he’s a bitch, and give foggy my twt login to get a good tweet going through

>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

not even a mention of me?? smh

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

nothing makes me feel more joy than seeing that my tumblr post has popped off

>DD@Daredevil

Don’t make me think of that horrible place.

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

still mad we made that account for you >:)

>>>DD@Daredevil

Every single day I get notifications from that place and I hate it.

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

you cant just delete the app?

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

if they tried I would just redownload it

>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

that is coldddd spidey

>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

i like it

>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I don’t.

>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I think we should all agree that I can delete the app.

>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

how are you going to see all your adoring fans

>>>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

There are no fans there.

*****

[email protected]

nobody told me the song i’ve been listening to for the past two weeks has been from fucking meet the robinsons

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

fucking loser

>>[email protected]

i didn’t know!!!!!!

>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

still gonna call you a loser from listening to a song from meet the robinsons

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

that movie was hella good we’re not dissing it

>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

seems like i have our next poll ready to go

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

obviously the people will understand that that movie was an underrated masterpiece

>>>>>>[email protected]

ehh it was decent

>>>>>>>[email protected]

what movie is this

>>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

obviously one that we’re gonna watch together now

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

i now know how kamala feels when her posts get derailed

>>>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

uhhh did you see my last post??? this is tame compared to that

>>>>>>>>>>>>>Loki(They/Them)@sneksneak

we can change that

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

let’s not do that

Chapter Text

potato-kid@IronLad

hate to say it (lmao not really) but nick and charlie are just the 21st century variants of arthur and merlin

>potato-kid@IronLad

yes this is because someone has forced me into watching merlin with them…

>>potato-kid@IronLad

but anyway both are light hair + dark hair

>>>potato-kid@IronLad

that bi/gay relationship (merthur is headcanons but nick/charlie is canon)

>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

I could keep going on but i’ve seen fanart of it and just akjfghkfjdh i’m so fucking lonely

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

ha! single bitch

>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

>:( you’re really gonna do this so close to valentines day

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

harls i make fun of you all the time this isn’t gonna stop it

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

and to be fair you brought up being single first

>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

oh shit you’re right

>>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

why did I do that????

>>>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

because you are an idiot :)

>>>>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@IronLad

shitttt i got his boyfriend to come after me now

*****

BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

shout out to all the single folk this valentine’s day no matter why that’s the case, you’re awesome and amazing and don’t forget to take advantage of the valentine’s day sales on chocolate

>KB@youngerhawkeye

i feel seen

>>potato-kid@IronLad

you want to raid the local target with me?

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

oh you know i do

>[email protected]

first full year in this universe and i don’t know what valentines day is

>>[email protected]

you didn’t have it in your universe??

>>>[email protected]

nah so i’m sorta out of the loop

>>>>[email protected]

you can hang out with me, bruno, and nakia, we always watch stupid romcoms together and stock up on chocolate <3

>>>>>[email protected]

sounds fun :)

>webslinger@spideyofficial

waittttt

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

@hobgoblin are we the only not single people on the team???

>>>Loki(She/They)@sneksneak

uhhh sure let’s go with that

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

loki. let’s be honest you are simply a honorary member

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

aren’t you like a couple thousand years old or something???

>>>>>>Loki(She/They)@sneksneak

let’s not get that much into it

>>>>>>Loki(She/They@sneksneak

so yeah you two are the only couple on the team

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

hah nice :]

>>>>>>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

take that horrible emoji out of here

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you :] can’t :] stop :] me :]

>>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

don’t worry i’ll delete twt from his phone

>>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

please don’t what will i do with myself

>>>>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

you know what, i think i get what older people say when they call us dependent on our phones

*****

idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Going on a silly little walk for my silly little mental health.

>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

who are you and what the hell have you done with matthew murdock

>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Fogs, I can assure you I’m Matt.

>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

liar! the matt i know wouldn’t do anything to better himself in that way

>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

it hurts but its true

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

I’m glad to know you guys have so much faith in me.

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

matt we all know you’re “therapy” is all you’ve got going for you

>>>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

damnnnn got taken down by your own kid

>>>>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

How could you do this to me Peter?

>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

this i nowhere near how bad i could be

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

@pparker GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE PETER >:(

>bi-tch@pparker

oh no the look of displeasure from dp???

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

how long were you going to keep this from me? how long was i going to suffer???

>>>bi-tch@pparker

wade what are you talking about?

>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

@reallygoodlawyer he’s been lying to us this entire time

>>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Oh God, Wade’s being dramatic again.

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

great, so i’m not the only one confused here

>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

please explain wade

>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

YOURE NOT REALLY A PART OF THE ALLITERATION GANG

>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

what are you talking about?? my name is literally Peter Parker. i haven’t suffered with some of the worst initials in the world to not be a part of the alliteration gang

>>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

hmm we have matthew Michael murdock and wade Winston wilson!!! and what about you??? that’s right peter BENJAMIN parker, how could you how could you?????

>>>>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

oh my fucking god you know whyyyyy i named myself that for a reason

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

no more alliteration gang >:(

*****

paintro@quicksilver

bitches be like i know a place and then take you to the mystery flesh pit national park

>fifitybelow@WhiteWolf

hey uhhh wtf does this mean?

>>paintro@quicksilver

I’m talking about my number one date destination

>>>paintro@quicksilver

me and the bae will be going down into the pits and using those telephoto lenses to observe the organisms

>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

here xe goes again, talking abou the flesh pit national park 🙄

>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

did I miss some more things then expected in the past hundred years??? what the hell are you talking about???

>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

wow, he doesn’t even know

>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

we’re immigrants and even we know about the park

>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

just another day of americans not knowing their history

>>>>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

>>>>>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

they’re talking about the park Bucky

>>>>>>>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

oh god not you too

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

I may be cringe, but I am free

>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

sir that’s such an unoriginal tweet

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

>:( i am in fact cringe tho, that makes me free

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you’re cringe all right….

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

what the fuck is that supposed to mean >:( /j

>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

love you know exactly what it means

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

tsk tsk tsk youre pretty bad at communication my dear

>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

omfg you two are so annoying

>>>>>>>>>>[email protected]

i think they’re pretty cute <3

>>>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

hmmm nah pretty annoying

*****

KB@youngerhawkeye

@Stature have you ever noticed that you and claire from supernatural look pretty similar

>scottydoesknow@Antman

huh, you kinda do

>>cass@Stature

you said you would keep that between us

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

how was i supposed to know scott was gonna see it

>>>>cass@Stature

YOU POSTED IT ON TWT!!!???

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

okay and????

>>>>>>cass@Stature

you knowww that he has tweet notification on for me

>>>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

that’s for your own good

>>>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

we’re finally going to bring up the oddly similar appearances

>>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

oh fuck not you too

>>>>>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

that’s cause I have notification on for kate

>>>>>>>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

wait what????

>>>>>>>>>>>>scottydoesknow@Antman

you two shouldn’t be that surprised

>>>>>>>>>>>>>Clint.B@ElderHawkeye

we’re dating and you didn’t think we were going to talk about two of the most important people in our lives????

*****

hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

we’re back and ohhh boy do we have some things to share about hells kitchens favorite vigilante

mod 2

>DD@Daredevil

Why would you do this to me?

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

why wouldn’t we??

-mod 2

>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

anyway, so every once and a while i’ll come home and see a bunch of vigilantes in the apartment, usually its just webs and dp but today it was different

-mod 2

>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

i walk in, ready to relax after a late night in the office and whos there but fucking captain america

>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

CAPTAIN AMERICA IN MY HOUSE?!!?? i dont think i’m ever going to recover from this

>>>>>DD@Daredevil

He’s trying to recruit me again.

>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

and this bitch says NO, why the hell would you ever say that??? hun you could be an avengerrrr and you always say nooooo

mod 2

>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

I have more important things like protecting my area.

>>>>>>>>hellsfinest@daredevilsbesties

they says like they don’t travel outside of the kitchen with spidey half the time

-mod 1

>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

The kid needs help, then I’m going to help him.

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

awwww he does care for me

>>>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

You’re on thin ice after last night.

>>>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

hmm you nearly fall off a building one time and suddenly you’re a clumsy fool

>>>>>>>>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

It was thirty stories

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

irrelevant

*****

paintro@quicksilver

colin morgan, that’s it that’s the tweet

>paintro@quicksilver

perfect in every role

>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

shut up shut up shut up shut up

>>>bi-tch@pparker

YOU BET YOUR ASS COLIN MORGAN

>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i would die for that man

>>>>>future-ceo@thebabysitter

you also said you would die for a smores poptart so i dont believe you

>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i was as serious as a heart attack

>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

he’s got you too??? he’s stringing you into this??????

>>>>paintro@quicksilver

he was very charismatic

>>>>>h.osborn@harry_osborn

did you…. did you just quote a tiktok audio at me???

>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

dont listen to xem, xyr a idiot

>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

no he has taste keep listening to xem

>>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

seeee i have taste >:)

>>>>>>>>>colourtheory@ScarletWitch

want to talk about the andy griffin show?

>>>>>>>>>>paintro@quicksilver

my lips are suddenly sealed

>>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

i’m going to get that story

*****

nodeathhere@exmerc<3

any hero that’s persona is framed around an animal is secretly a furry

>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

@Falcon

>>Birdman@Falcon

shut your fucking mouth

>webslinger@spideyofficial

there’s no shame in furries

>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

agreed, but still….

>cass@Stature

I would like to resign from the young avengers /hj

>>[email protected]

HAH LOSER

>>>BetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

why are furries the thing that you know about??

>C.Barton@ElderHawkeye

👀 @Black Widow @betterwidow

>>coolsister@betterwidow

you are a confident confident man clint barton

*****

threescompany@themoonsystem

me walking into the avengers tower for the first time: he’s in the walls - steven

>LayLow@LittleScarab

which one???

>>threescompany@themoonsystem

more like which one isn’t in the walls - steven

>>>webslinger@spideyoffficial

its a fun place to hang out

>>>>potato-child@Ironlad

and he calls me a traitor 🧍

>>KB@youngerhawkeye

there’s some women in the walls too, don’t forget about us

>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

my deepest apologies hawkeye - steven

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

they’ve roped you in too??? - marc

>>>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

clint said it was part of the initiation

>>>>>>DD@Daredevil

@daredevilsbesties Now do you two understand, its like a cult.

>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

A cult of wonder and amazement

>>>>>>>>Capsicule@CaptainAmerica

Not helping the case Tones

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

I’m trying my best alright

>>>LayLow@LittleScarab

reading through this makes me worry for you three

>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

i’m really doubting us working with the avengers - jake

>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

says the one that made us work with an egyptian god again - steven

>>>>>>threescompany@themoonsystem

we all agree on it now though - jake

Chapter Text

thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

why is my fyp filled with the dead gay wizards from the 70s???? i don’t even like harry potter

>webslinger@spideyofficial

says the one who read the entire series but go off i guess

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

i also had to read the importance of being earnest in english that doesn’t mean i enjoyed it

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

maybe its a sign

>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

and just like the signs of childhood trauma i’ve elected to ignore it

>future-ceo@thebabysitter

are you gonna read all the young dudes

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

fuck no! if i’m going to put myself through reading some heart wrenching angst i at least what the reassurance that there’s going to be a happy ending

>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

and i can read the goddamn major character death tag i’m not doing that to myself

>>>>[email protected]

its 2023 we look our for out mental health in fandom spaces <3

>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

ive had the mcd tag filtered out for years

>>>>>>[email protected]

as you should!

>>>>>>>Loki(He/They)@sneksneak

maybe you guys are just cowards

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay siding with the bf on this one

>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

you cant talk when you’ve faked your death like 50 times

>>>>>>>>>>THOR@sonofodin

I think the correct number around 3 actually

>>>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

thats three too many

>>>>>>>>>>>>>Loki(He/They)@sneksneak

what can i say i live for drama

*****

idiot_two@thehotlawyer

never thought I’d find myself crying reading a celtic mythology book but here we are

>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

you read??? mythology???

>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

a man can have hobbies karen

>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

I apologize for being so shocked

>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

I accept your apology <3

>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

drop the line loser

>>bi-tch@pparker

wade you cried while watching minions you have no room to talk

>>>nodeathhere@exmerc<3

it was emotional!

>>>>idiot_one@reallygoodlawyer

Wade we’ve talked about this, only I’m allowed to insult my fiance.

>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

okay ignoring the dumpster fire that i just witnessed (love you too matt)

>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

the line was “but, even as it stands ruined, it is a mighty quarry from which poets yet unborn will hew spiritual marble for houses not made with hands.”

>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

and that shit hurt in a good way but it still hurt

>>>>>>>>>pagesandpages@sufferingnotlawyer

okay erase everything i just said before, that line does hit hard

>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

I KNOW!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>bi-tch@pparker

author just casually dropped the hardest line in a mythology book ever

>>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

homer could never /j

*****

webslinger@spideyofficial

everyone thinking i cant fit my hyperfixations into everything:

me seeing the word clotpole in king lear: omg guys!

>webslinger@spideyofficial

okay replies i understand it was a word before it was in merlin but let me tell you

>>webslinger@spideyofficial

the way that play is written makes it seem like it must predate arthurian legend which would be like the 6th century and the fool must be fucking merlin because he just says merlins prophecy

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

and he is an advisor to the king whilst also mocking him the entire time

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

lear is uther pendragon, the fool is merlin, and merlin is as always his snarky bitchy self

>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

oh spidey do i have a treat for you in this book i’m reading

>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

:O am i right?????

>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

guess you’re going to have to see

>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

screw the secret history and telling people not to just live for the aesthetics i am living the academic dream rn

>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

you have now made my bf even more insufferable, thanks for that /lh

>>>>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

they say like i wasn’t ranting about this to him earlier in the day

>>>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

and now i’ll sit through the rant twice

>>>>>>>>>>>>idiot_two@thehotlawyer

this time with cited evidence

*****

cass@Stature

hes in your bed, im in our dms telling you how i would go back in the past, take pictures of the answers to history’s greatest questions with an iphone and then come back to the present and tell you all about it

>[email protected]

@Dr.Strange 👀

>>[email protected]

Don’t even think about it

>>>[email protected]

Time is a fickle thing that shouldn’t be messed with less we completely ruin everything in the present and future

>>>>Loki(She/He)@sneksneak

sounds like something a loser would say :/

>>>>>>[email protected]

I am not a loser for worrying about the possible effects of messing with time

>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

well if we use quantum traveling…

>>>>>>>>[email protected]

Shut. Your. Mouth.

>>>>>>>>>[email protected]☑️

turns out my boyfriend is a loser

>>>>>>>>>>>Loki(She/He)@sneksneak

ew me and stark agreed on something

>>>>>>>>>>>>>fiftybelow@WhiteWolf

eww me and loki agreed on something

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Loki(She/He)@sneksneak

i would be annoyed but i’m just surprised you acknowledged my existence

>TheBetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

does it have to be an iphone though???

>>cass@Stature

this entire mess of a thread and that’s the part you end up focussing on???

>>>KB@youngerhawkeye

got to say, hes got his priorities straight

>>>>cass@Stature

fine! any kind of smartphone, but i really just want to see the hanging gardens of babylon, i just know they would have been beautiful

>>>>>TheBetterAvengers!@YoungAvengers

ah i see you’re a person of taste

Chapter Text

webslinger@spideyofficial

got to visit college campuses today, really feeling it

>webslinger@spideyoffcial

lmao guess y’all forgot that i’m a high schooler

>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

me too bestie <3

>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

damn i got downgraded to bestie

>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

i will now be taking partner applications

>>>>potato-kid@Ironlad

i’ll apply

>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

relationship ended with hobgoblin now ironlad is my bf 😘

>>>>>>cass@Stature

so it seems like you have a type…

>>>>>>>webslinger@spideyofficial

tf do you mean????? /gen

>>>>>>>>cass@Stature

superhero he/they’s

>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

holy shit you’re right

>>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@Ironlad

:O bro we’re banding together now

>>>>>>>>>>>thebettergoblin@hobgoblin

when you realize his ex was a she/they….

>>>>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@Ironlad

HOLY FUCK YOJRE RIGHT

>>>>>>>>>>>>>potato-kid@Ironlad