Chapter Text
Anya had stopped speaking five full minutes ago, but Becky still had not moved, had not even blinked in the shock that was left behind.
The silence stretched over the infirmary, fragile as an eggshell and brittle as glass. Threads of a secret floated through the air, invisible strands that pulled the two together, and in the moment that belonged only to them, the glass cracked, leaving behind a heaviness that constricted their chests and pushed on their lungs, making it hard to breathe.
“So…” Becky started, stunned, and cleared her throat. “You’re… a telepath?”
Anya hung her head, unable to look Becky in the eyes. “Yes.”
“You can read minds.”
Anya couldn’t stop fidgeting with her hands, and her heartbeat roared in her ears. She swallowed back her nausea and fear.
“Yes.”
And then Becky inhaled a deep breath like she was running out of air, like it was the first time she had breathed air in a century, and she let it out in a forced whoosh .
“And you still didn’t know that Desmond was in love with you?!”
Anya’s jaw dropped and she gaped open-mouthed at Becky.
“What! That’s what you’re-”
“I can’t believe this!” Becky exclaimed. “You literally had a cheat code and you still didn’t know?!” She shook her head with a disbelieving laugh. “Anya, I knew you were dense, but really .”
And then she leaned forward, and embraced Anya with a tight hug, and despite her best friend’s apparent determination to cut off her circulation, it was the first time that Anya felt like she could breathe. She couldn’t help but return Becky’s hug just as tightly, and for a long moment they stayed like that, where both girls knew that holding on to each other was the only way to ensure that they didn’t fall apart.
“Thank you for telling me,” Becky’s voice was muffled through Anya’s hair. “And for trusting me. I promise I won’t let you down.”
When she pulled back, Becky wiped hurriedly at her eyes. “But wow! What a story! I always knew you were incredible Anya, and well, now I know why!”
Anya’s eyes roamed over Becky’s face - the forced smile, the tight eyes blinking back tears - and Anya’s breath caught in her throat.
After telling her story for the first time ever, she had no idea what to feel. Her legs shook under the covers of the infirmary bed, and she thought that her skin was so hot she was about to spontaneously combust. Anya wanted to feel relieved, but she knew from experience that often, the heaviest secrets were the hardest to let go of, and while Becky’s reaction was better than she had hoped, Anya couldn’t get rid of the fear that everything would come crashing down.
Becky must have sensed Anya’s discomfort, because then she leaned back, keeping both hands on her knees to try to steady herself.
“It’s been a really crazy day, huh?” she started, keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling, blinking rapidly. “But I have to say, you should have definitely won that tournament! I know a few people that actually bet money on you winning - including Ewen - but don’t worry, I think they’re probably over it by now - I saw Ewen and Emile when I went back to the changing rooms to get your stuff and - gosh, they were so worried about you, I think they really wanted you to be okay, so I’ll get Desmond to pass that on so at least they don’t have to worry about you too, and I nearly forgot - what are you going to wear for the Imperial Ball?”
Anya blinked at Becky. “Um…”
Becky clutched her heart in faux-distress. “Oh my god Anya, don’t tell me that you forgot! ”
“I’ve been a little busy,” Anya said honestly. With the disastrous family dinner, and the tournament, Anya had barely any time to even think about the Imperial Ball - and the insurmountable stress that would come with it. She only had room in her head for her role in Operation Strix, or what would happen to Damian’s father by the time the Ball ended, or how she was going to tell Damian about Twilight’s plan. In amongst all of the worries of the world, she just didn’t have time to think about something that belonged to her actual age group - like getting a dress for the Ball.
“Anya!” Becky gasped, and clapped both hands to her cheeks. “You’re unbelievable!”
“Sorry…” said Anya sheepishly, while Becky shook her head.
“Well, we’ll have to sort that out won’t we?” she grinned. “Come to my house tomorrow and we’ll get ready together, okay?”
Anya nodded quietly, once again stunned by Becky’s support.
She had told her about the experiments - not in detail , but she knew that they happened - and how she really was abducted, and how Damian and her mother and father worked together to break her out and destroy everything, and how there was a chance that the lab would be coming back for her, so she had to credit Becky for being able to listen and accept it and believe it, but Anya knew more than anyone that it was a lot to take in.
Anya clenched her fists beneath the infirmary bed covers. If only her powers had returned, and she would be able to read Becky’s mind, and see what she really thought about it all.
Or…
Anya gulped. Maybe it was a blessing that she couldn’t read Becky’s mind. She was far too scared at what she would find.
Becky gathered herself, and stood once again, smoothing over her skirt and adjusting her jacket. “Well I’m sure your parents are on your way, so I’d better go, but I’ll see you before the Ball, okay? And then we can get ready together and it will be so much fun!” She waved. “ Ciao! ”
“Bye…” Anya waved weakly, and watched as Becky hurried out of the infirmary, glancing back quickly to give Anya a final wave goodbye before she left.
Anya knew vaguely that she should be more worried about Becky. Everything felt off - but with the mental attack from earlier in the day, the exertion of the obstacle course, the exhausting and emotional conversation with Damian, the headaches and the crying and the ever-present worries about Operation Strix and the Ball and Damian and Donovan and Twilight and now the fear that Becky would abandon and turn against her, Anya truly had nothing left to spare.
Becky kept her smile on as she walked out of the infirmary, and she hurried out, hoping beyond hope that Anya didn’t notice how much she was shaking. She felt like a fizzing firework, barely able to stay in place before she exploded.
She kept her smile on as she walked, although it felt physically painful, and she picked up the pace to try to leave as fast as possible, even though she had no idea where she was going.
The smile slid from her face, and she started running, feeling the pounding of her heartbeat taking over her entire body. Her breath came in ragged gasps, bursts of pain in her chest, and her vision swam before her as she tried and failed to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall the whole time.
It was like the funeral all over again. She had to keep up her front, to stop people from worrying about her, but how could she keep it up with the sky was falling around her?
Becky felt guilty for running out on Anya like that, but she couldn’t hold on for much longer, and she couldn’t let go of the fear that if she betrayed Anya’s trust now then she would never speak to Becky again, so she had to stay strong, she had to listen and accept it, because if she didn’t then it would all be over, and Anya would never want to speak to her again.
Becky’s feet moved without her permission and she ran without even knowing where she was going, only knowing that she had to get somewhere safe , she had to get there now , before her agony destroyed her, but even the tears became too much for her and she could barely see the ground in front of her - until she crashed into someone’s chest.
Becky looked up through her tears. “I’m sorry - I didn’t mean - to bump into you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me-”
And when she saw who it was, her words got trapped in her throat.
“Are you alright?” Bill said gently, and he brushed the hair from her face, now sticky with sweat and residual tears. He had gotten changed out of his damp gym clothes and back into his school uniform, and Becky thought he couldn’t have looked more like a hero, with his Imperial Scholar’s cape flowing majestically behind him.
Emotion swirled in her chest, a disastrous whirlpool that kept spinning and spinning, dragging her into the unfathomable depths below, and the terror leaked out of her. She leaned forward, and let her head hit his chest once more. Solid and unmoveable, and safe .
“It wasn’t - as bad as I - thought it was,” she sniffed, although her voice became muffled into his clothes, but she couldn’t stop shaking, and soon, she grabbed the front of his uniform, holding on to him with what little strength she had.
“It was so - much - worse! ”
Becky’s wails echoed through the empty corridor, haunting and paralysing, though she no longer cared if anyone heard her. She wanted to drown the world in her grief and curse them to feel the same desolate heartache that wrecked her to her core.
Bill didn’t say a word as he put both of his arms behind her, holding her securely, the only life raft she had in the terrifying storm, and Becky descended into shuddering sobs.
And Becky cried, and she cried, and she
cried
.