Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Maverick realized that he was conducting an intense investigation on Ouroboros, he suggested that he enroll in the Hero Academy. At first, he had planned to reject the offer since one of his goals, in addition to doing justice to his parents, was to continue his legacy in the world of robotics engineering. However, he couldn't help thinking that being a hero was tempting. What he was looking for were answers and Maverick assured him that by becoming a hero he would get them.

He remembers that one night after directing the HeroTV show, Maverick invited him to his home to watch the recap of that day's episode together. The heroes had fought against a criminal group that was in charge of distributing weapons and drugs to the young generations. The police and the program had teamed up to be able to ambush them in an old warehouse in the city.

Barnaby realized that the heroes did not think too much before acting when seeing the great destruction they caused to catch the criminals, in particular the "rookie" hero who had been crowned King of Heroes a few months before, Wild Tiger.

He was a passionate man, but too clumsy. Barnaby might find the man interesting but old-fashioned at the same time.

His energy captivated him though.

The fifteen-year-old felt embarrassed to find himself so caught up in every move of the hero that television was commissioned to show. He dug his nails hard into the legs watching every punch Tiger threw.

It felt good to know that they had the same power. He felt great knowing that he could do that with his power.

"You can do better," Maverick said before turning off the TV. Barnaby nodded.

Of course he could do better.

He was frustrated. He couldn't believe that his debut on the show had been rescuing a ridiculous old man who must have retired at least five seasons ago.

On the internet portals they already cataloged him as a kind hero for that reason, at least he would not stand out only for his undeniable physical attractiveness. Even so, he didn't want to be remembered as the “Hero who debuted saving Wild Tiger's ass”.

And things got worse when they notified him of some superficial modifications to his contract.

Barnaby's jaw dropped in disbelief at what Alexander Lloyds was saying. He looked in terror at the folder that the man handed him showing the approval of the Department of Justice, the approval of HeroTV and that of Mr. Maverick himself.

"I'm not going to do it," he declared, pointing to the document. Lloyds smiled sheepishly before sitting down on the sofa in that stupid office attempt to explain the reason behind the change in his job.

"Don't worry, Barnaby." Lloyds chuckled briefly before showing him two photographs. He could be distinguished in one of them, in the other that idiot. “He won't get in your way, I assure you” he got up and looked out the window. The blond watched Alexander maintain ridiculous confidence through the balcony glass ”You will be the first superhero duo in this city. Searches with your name will increase more and you will stand out when next to a person as insignificant as Tiger. Mr. Maverick mentioned that that's what you want, to make yourself known.”

He did think of that. People would stay focused on them. People would recognize it.

The killer would recognize Barnaby.

"I don't think Wild Tiger can last any longer at work, either. More with this change.”

And for Barnaby's sake, he hoped that was the case. 

Kaburagi T. Kotetsu was truly an enigma to Barnaby. 

The man knew that he did not do his job very well, also his low popularity and his way of acting so stupid in front of the cameras. But apparently, he did not intend to leave it.

Barnaby couldn't understand why Tiger kept trying if in the end someone else would easily get the arrests. He didn't understand why he kept claiming that he meant to be a hero if Wild Tiger was a flop. He also didn't understand why he wanted to keep trying to relate to him when he was sure he had mentioned to him to stay away from him.

However, he had to admit it.

He was optimistic.

He could be doing terribly wrong, but he would always find a way to get ahead, no matter how trampled he was trying.

Barnaby was beginning to understand that nothing would ever bring Wild Tiger down. Nothing.

And it was true. Nothing knocked him down.

The fight with Jake? Kotetsu left intensive care so he could help him defeat the murderous bastard, even though Barnaby had been a jerk to him the day before. Even bleeding to death on the motorcycle, Wild Tiger gave him reassuring smiles that everything would be fine.

Barnaby felt a bit sheepish when Nathan ratted him out to the other heroes about how he stayed up all night in Kotetsu's room taking care of him, even bribing some of the nurses with pictures and autographs to let him stay. 

But the heroes’ ribbing didn’t bother him. What did they know? Nothing, because they had never had a partner to trust.

And Barnaby was grateful to the Universe for giving him one. 

The battle against H-01? Barnaby thought that had been it. Kotetsu had spoken to him as he lay dying in his arms. He confessed to him that anguish of months, that decline that prevented him from continuing on HeroTV. It was a horror movie for the blond, he definitely thought that his world would turn back into horrible gray colors when Kotetsu's eyes closed. But he couldn't accept it. Kotetsu could not leave so easily. And he didn't.

Because he was such a strong and stubborn man.

And nothing brought him down.

Barnaby liked to boast that it would always be like this.

That's why he decided to share it with newbies. Did they need someone to trust? Who to lean on? Of course they could go with him, but Bunny knew that Kotetsu was the cornerstone of all of them.

"He always gives us strength," Barnaby said as he watched the three youngsters train in the gym. "He's the vitamin of all heroes. He gives us a lot of energy and he is never pessimistic. He is someone very admirable.”

Thomas and Subaru looked at the older one. Barnaby looked haggard (he wasn't that many days out from the hospital) so it was funny that he talked about “vitamins and energy”.

"And is that normal?" Subaru asked getting off the treadmill. He took the bottle that Lara had left on the bench to give him a drink before looking at Barnaby “Has he never shown any other kind of attitude?”

Barnaby considered the younger's words. It was true that Kotetsu could have ups and downs like the others, Maverick and Schneider were proof enough, but... no. He decided to shake his head before smiling, making the younger pair make a startled noise before continuing to train.

The blond pursed his lips trying to understand that, although he had faith in his words, they didn't feel entirely true.

He ignored the strange sensation when he received a message from Mattia inviting him to dinner.

“I think you shouldn't worry so much” Mattia murmured as he cut the steak in front of him. The red-haired man snorted when he saw how Barnaby heavily turned the glass of wine that he had ordered minutes before “You say you've known him for years, stop tormenting yourself. Mr. Tiger is a very cheerful person; you would know if there were something that worries him.”

Barnaby nodded with a smile. Mattia saw Kotetsu as a friendly and nice person even though they had never met, what did that say about his partner? A lot, he was right, Kotetsu was fine. Ah, he hoped that the day would come when the three of them could go out and talk.

Although first he had to manage to go out drinking with Kotetsu. Toasting with IVs wasn't exactly what he had planned when he said he wanted to "hang out together."

“He’s a beautiful person,” Barnaby breathed. “I wish him the best, always.” 

“I’ll drink to that, pal!

Mattia and Barnaby clinked glasses, smiling. 

“To Kaburagi Kotetsu’s happiness.”

“N-Not again…It can't be…P-Please…No…No”

Kotetsu thudded down on his couch, an oppressive tightness crushing his chest. He opened his mouth wide, trying to inhale as much air as possible. He couldn’t help a sob when he couldn’t manage it. He was desperate for air, for relief.

He repeated the action with disturbing frequency because he couldn't breathe. He felt like he couldn't breathe.

"You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.”

He gasped it out, repeating it to himself like a mantra, staring down at the coffee table in his living room. His hands were freezing, although he could feel great drops of sweat running down his face. His hands crept up to his chest, fingers pressing into the muscle on the left side. An agonizing pang in his chest forced a groan out of him. He leaned back and began rocking slightly back and forth

“You're fine, you're fine…” he gasped to himself. “Everything’s gonna be okay, everything’s gonna be okay…”

Chapter Text

Kotetsu didn’t know what the hell was going on. 

He should have known something was wrong when Samantha wasn’t home. Like an idiot, he spent the night at her house, waiting for the sweet old lady to appear so he could talk about his partner’s sad past. She never came. He should have looked for her.

He couldn’t believe it. In a matter of hours, his life had been turned upside-down.

He’d had an odd feeling ever since he left his truck in the company parking lot. The security guards looked at him with raised eyebrows, some giving him strange smiles. A shiver ran down his spine as he took the elevator up to Apollon. Maybe Bunny was back? They were likely to have another argument. Barnaby might yell at him, or even return the slap he’d given him earlier. It didn’t matter! He needed so badly to talk to his partner! Besides, he hoped Barnaby might know where his old housekeeper was. 

When he walked into the lobby, he got more questioning glances. Some of the people there muttered under their breath as they watched him walk towards the Employees Only zone. They looked at him like a condemned man walking toward his execution.

Wait a minute! Why hadn’t he thought of it before? Bunny had probably come back to work. He was Apollon’s gold mine. Kotetsu had upset Bunny, and to upset Bunny was to upset the entire company. Now Kotetsu was beginning to understand. He was in quite a bit of trouble. Maverick would give him a dressing-down. Lloyds would read him the riot act. Oh, wasn’t that just peachy.

Speak of the devil… 

Lloyds had just come into the lobby, walking at a leisurely pace. If Kotetsu managed to talk his way out of it, he might get away with just a glare. Yes! He could do it. Knock ‘em dead, Tiger!  

“Mr. Lloyds!” yelled Kotetsu, chasing after him. Kotetsu couldn’t help a sharp pang in his stomach at the sight of his boss’ expressionless gaze. “Good morning,” he soldiered on. “Have you heard from Bunny?” 

Lloyds stopped, giving him the same irritated look as the others. What had Kotetsu done now? He couldn’t remember; he even thought the day before had gone fairly well. What did Lloyds want from him? But Lloyds just said, “Huh?”

Kotetsu couldn’t believe it. Was Lloyds so unconcerned about the whereabouts of his partner? Or was there a strong reprimand coming?

"Bunny! I couldn't find Mrs. Samantha too," he said frustrated because his boss kept looking at him so puzzled. Did he have something in his beard? Did he have grease in his hair?

“Who are you? Are you a friend of Barnaby’s?” 

What was he saying? Oh! Lloyds was so upset with him for pissing Bunny off that he was pretending he didn’t even know him. Funny! It hurt a little, but funny! Kotetsu felt the heaviness in his body melt away. He grinned and made finger-guns at Lloyd. “I see you like to joke around! Although it’s not very funny, Mr. Lloyds—Hey!” 

Kotetsu was beginning to feel hurt. Why were they ignoring him? Had the incident already resulted in a workers’ rights complaint? Kotetsu didn’t mind disputing it. He ran after Lloyds, who scanned himself in through the doors. Was he offended because Kotetsu said his joke was bad? Time to apologize! Go! He pulled his ID out and slapped it onto the scanner, fervently hoping to catch up with Lloyds. Things couldn’t stay like this!

The doors stayed closed. He couldn’t help but click his tongue in frustration. What happened to that machine? He had just updated his ID a few days ago – kinda pointless now, considering he was going to quit. 

“Hey! It’s not working,” he yelled at the guard who slowly approached. He felt as if someone was beginning to squeeze his chest when the guard blandly asked him for identification. “It was working fine yesterday!” he protested. 

“I don’t know who this guy is! Get him out!” Lloyds yelled angrily.

Kotetsu felt his eyes widen in fear. “Did I do something to offend you, Mr. Lloyds?”

Kotetsu was beginning to feel short of breath. His chest and throat were starting to get cold. He didn’t know what was going on. 

“I don’t know how you know my name, but stop talking to me like you know me!”

Oh, that felt like a punch to the stomach. He knew the man disliked him, but not this much.

“Come with me, we’ll talk in the office,” said the guard.

Kotetsu glared at him. Had he never seen him coming in before? Even with Barnaby! Was it because of the lack of a mask? He was Wild Tiger, after all! He swiped his ID out of the guard’s hand, about ready to blow up. “I’m a hero!”

He dashed down the corridor, got out his precious mask and put it on his face. He couldn’t help giving a gracious smile to the guard, who only grimaced. Kotetsu walked up to him with confidence, because Wild Tiger always exuded that, confidence. 

“You’re the guy from before,” said the guard. 

Kotetsu wanted to cry. This guy seemed to be more of a jerk than he and Antonio put together when they were drunk. “Take a good look at me! Don’t you know who I am?” 

“Wild...Tiger?”

 “Yes! Now let me in!”

The guard sighed. “With that ridiculous beard and mask, anyone could be him.”

Just as Kotetsu was about to jump over the man to get through the gates, Apollon’s televisions came on with breaking news from HeroTV. Kotetsu glanced briefly at his intercom. Was it an interview? 

“We have a special program today! An important bulletin!” 

It was a chase call, why hadn't anyone called him?

“Today’s objective: A murderous NEXT. Kaburagi T Kotetsu.”

Kaburagi T. Kotetsu. 

 Kaburagi T. Kotetsu. 

 Kaburagi T. Kotetsu. 

He felt all the air in his chest disappear. He couldn’t help but gasp at the stupid picture of him on the screen. His hands began to shake. His legs began to shake. 

“He is suspected of killing Samantha Taylor, 68, a resident of Stern Bild.” 

Samantha. 

Bunny’s nanny. 

Bunny. 

Poor Barnaby! 

“His prints were found on the murder weapon, a poker.” 

The poker he used to put out the fire. 

The weapon that Samantha was killed with. 

At the victim’s house. 

Where Kotetsu had spent the night. 

Where they’d killed her.  

Kotetsu couldn’t breathe.

“The fugitive is here! Quick! In the first floor lobby!” 

Kotetsu came back to reality. The guard was screaming, more joining him within seconds. Everyone was pointing guns at him. Although they were trembling, none of them would hesitate to shoot him if he made a move. To say that it was all a big mistake would be really stupid, because no one would believe him. 

He activated his power and fled.

Kotetsu could feel the pounding in his chest increasing. It was becoming more and more painful. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. 

It was sheer luck that he escaped from Sky High. The guy’s dramatics had allowed Kotetsu to get away. He knew Sky High’s powers! And it seemed that this time he wasn’t holding back with his blasts. Each time the hero launched an attack, Kotetsu felt as if someone was squeezing his throat. He wanted to scream. The situation didn’t allow for it. 

Origami Cyclone, Dragon Kid… Rock Bison, Antonio, his friend.

His friends didn’t remember him.

Blue Rose. 

Fire Emblem.

He dropped into an old tunnel off an alleyway. The stench made him wrinkle his nose. He didn’t know if the urge to throw up was because of that, or because he was being hunted. 

There was another Wild Tiger. An impostor. Someone extremely powerful. 

Someone who worked with Barnaby.

Barnaby didn’t seem to remember either. 

His gaze fell on a dirty old poncho. He didn’t hesitate to cover himself up with it. He was cold. 

His hands were shaking. His chest ached. He wanted to cry. 

And he didn’t know why. 

The sensation of hands squeezing his neck returned. The pounding in his chest increased.

He ignored what the homeless guy said. He didn’t care.

He stood at the mouth of the tunnel. The reporter kept saying how Barnaby was nowhere near abandoning the search for him. 

“Honey...isn’t that him? The one they’re looking for?” 

“Oh my God!” 

Kotetsu felt as if something was pressing down on his heart. He became aware of an annoying ringing in his ears as beads of sweat ran down his face. He couldn’t help a gasp as a hand on his arm shook him before he was met with a glare filled with fury.

“You think you’re so strong, asshole? You murdered a poor old lady, damn you!” 

His heartbeat began to speed up. He felt his body begin to freeze. His sight was invaded by white lights. 

“I hope Brooks kills you, you son of a bitch.” 

Brooks. 

Barnaby. 

Barnaby wanted to kill him. 

He glanced up at a taxi. 

The plates read A0 0121.

He batted away the man’s hand and ran towards the taxi. He needed to know, he needed someone, anyone to remember him. He prayed to the gods to end this horrible nightmare, this horrible feeling. The taxi stopped and he couldn’t help but run and batter against the window. Desperate. Distressed. Horrified. 

“Ben! It’s me!” 

His old boss didn’t look at him. He simply motioned for him to get in the car. He did. He didn’t hesitate for a minute. 

He was safe. 

Or so he thought. For the man didn’t speak to him. He didn’t look at him. He just kept driving. Kotetsu felt the pressure building up again inside him, his heart tightening. His stomach ached and he felt bile surge up in his throat. 

“B-Ben! Don’t tell me you forgot about me too?” 

He didn’t answer. He didn’t answer! 

Kotetsu felt tears begin to spill from his eyes. He felt like someone had kicked him in the chest. He flung his arms through the window separating him from Ben, hoping to stop him. “Don’t turn me in! I didn’t do it! I didn’t do it!”

His heartstrings were being ripped out. Something had sucked all the breath out of him. Tears were beginning to blur his vision. His ears were ringing again. His throat burned.

He didn’t know when he started screaming. 

“I DIDN’T DO IT! I DIDN’T DO IT! I SWEAR I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” 

“Calm down, Kotetsu!” 

Calm down. 

Calm down. 

He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t! 

“Breathe, Kotetsu!” 

Breathe. 

Breathe. 

How did one breathe? How was he supposed to breathe? 

“KOTETSU!” 

Everything went black. 

He forgot how to breathe. 

Chapter Text

Lately, Kotetsu felt like he was suffocating. 

He wished he didn’t mean that literally, but his nervous system seemed to have been working against him the past few days. The past few months. The past few years.

The feeling in his chest wouldn’t go away. It clung to him like a dark cloud. As soon as he woke up, it was right there on schedule with a horrible and inevitable craving for air that stuck with him all day until bedtime. That was the worst part, trying to sleep. When he lay down on his old mattress, the strange ritual of hyperventilation would leave, giving way to agonizing spasms accompanied by thoughts that were completely absurd.  

Kotetsu was tiring. But he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to tell anyone. He had no business mentioning it to anybody.  

His mother was calling him more often. That wouldn’t have bothered him if it hadn’t been for her frequent remarks about how pale he looked, the dark circles around his eyes, and his obvious weight loss. He tried to reassure her, saying he wasn’t sleeping well (which wasn’t a lie) but because of all the paperwork he had to do. 

But it wasn’t enough. Later on, not only his mom called to see how he was, but Muramasa as well, and surprisingly, even Muramasa’s wife. That was good, right? He ought to feel loved. There were people who cared about him.  

…He was being a burden.  

He noticed it when Kaede was the one to call this time. “You’re a grown man now, Dad! You’re getting older. You really need to take better care of yourself. Grandma has problems too, you know! She can’t always be there to have your back.” 

Of course, Kotetsu could tell that his daughter was worried about him too... but his mind couldn’t help thinking that his twelve-year-old daughter was exasperated, ashamed of her father’s behavior. His little girl had suffered terribly because of him. Everyone who knew him had suffered because of him.  

He had to stop troubling them. That was why he didn’t mention anything, although he had plenty of opportunities to do just that. Talk it out. Get some relief from the demons that seemed to be eating away at him, weakening his body. 

It wasn’t only his family who were taking an interest in his health recently. In the office, Ben had taken to asking him how he was, along with a concerned look. Surprisingly, even the silent Saito mentioned that his stamina had been declining and that although everything seemed to be fine with him physically, he was concerned about the “shortness of breath” Kotetsu suffered.  

Thank the gods, when Barnaby heard this he didn’t give him a worried and pitying look like the others. His partner spent the entire afternoon questioning his eating habits, declaring that he was gaining weight because of the fried food that made up most of his diet, “and so you’re out of shape! You get out of breath easily!” Barnaby could be a bit naive at times. Kotetsu shouldn’t be happy about that, and he shouldn’t take advantage and fool his partner either. However, he didn’t want Barnaby to realize that he was vulnerable. Kotetsu was very vulnerable—and that filled him with shame. 

He could manage to ease the nagging feeling if he kept busy. Lloyds confessed to being startled when he found Kotetsu’s desk full of neatly arranged and dutifully signed letters. Agnes gave him a stunned look as he agreed to another visit to the Department of Justice for a “Heroes and the Law” lecture with Director Petrov. 

He just wanted to stop thinking.  

So when Nathan informed him that he was required to come to a gathering with the other heroes at Justice Tower, he agreed. He was tempted to decline and face Fire Emblem’s wrath: Barnaby was spending more time with Mattia, which was wonderful (Bunny deserved to be happy and his redheaded ex-neighbor seemed to cheer hum up by reawakening his childhood memories) so it was possible that Bunny would turn down the invitation, leaving Kotetsu alone with his dark thoughts. If that was the case, he would rather stay home and drink himself into oblivion.  

Except, the way he was now, drinking himself into oblivion would be impossible. He knew he’d end up in his room instead, trying to soothe himself to sleep instead of crying, trying to push away the dumb thoughts that the universe had decided it was his fate to die alone. Alone. Kotetsu had many fears, but these were the ones that haunted him.

Loneliness. Death. One was already with him. The other followed him faithfully, waiting for him to deign to accept it.

He couldn’t help a little sound of relief when Barnaby texted him confirming his attendance at the get-together with Nathan. Even if he’d been prompted to come by a friendly threat from their fire-wielding friend, Barnaby was coming. He wouldn’t be alone.  

But not even knowing that his partner would be there took away the terrible thought that something bad would happen that afternoon.

For God’s sake, Kotetsu needed to relax!  

But things just didn’t feel right. 

He wanted to have fun listening to Nathan and Keith’s hilarious attempts to hit the high notes of Blue Rose’s songs. Or the way Ryan babbled as Karina told Pao-Lin and Lara the story of the time he thought he was going to be dumped by his partner. Subaru’s enthusiasm should have rubbed off on Kotetsu: he was excitedly recounting the process of getting into HeroTV to an uninterested Thomas. 

Really! Even Barnaby was playing Uno with Antonio and Ivan. The Barnaby Brooks Jr., playing such a silly game! Kotetsu ought to be there cheering his partner on and making fun of the poor attempts of the other two to destroy Barnaby.

But he couldn’t. 

He could feel his stomach starting to ache. He wasn’t nauseated yet, but he was sure his tension would bring it on in a matter of minutes. He wished he hadn’t eaten the cupcake Blue Rose had offered him when he came out onto the terrace. He just needed it to stop. 

He walked over to the center table, drinking some more mineral water before turning and looking out over the big city. Stern Bild was so precious, but at that moment, he wondered if it was really worth fighting for.  

Wat it really him thinking these things? Stern Bild had always been his priority. The safety of each and every citizen was the only thing that mattered. But at what cost? Had being a hero made him happy? Had it brought him good things?  

He was living apart from his family. Her mother was sick with worry and it was his fault. His father had walked out on them because of the shame having a son like him had brought on the family. Muramasa had to fulfill the role of father to Kaede. He hadn’t watched his daughter grow up and to this day he was still absent from her life. Tomoe died alone in the hospital while he was just vandalizing property on the show.

Wild Tiger was not a star hero. Only when he started out did he feel important and necessary. Currently the popularity of his association with Barnaby kept him in the league, but come on, no one needed him anymore. Schneider had told him so; the citizens of Stern Bild only allowed him to keep going out of pity. He’d been begging on the internet for someone to hire him, and had only garnered comments full of pity and ridicule.  

He brought the glass to his lips, taking a brief sip of his water. Any minute now he was going to be sick. He got sick on that job for nothing.

“Kotetsu?”

Kotetsu jumped when he heard his partner’s voice. Barnaby was looking at him with an arched eyebrow, so he had to smile. His partner seemed to have refused another game with Rock Bison and Origami Cyclone who were looking more desperate as they drew card after card, yelling at each other like maniacs.  

He approached Barnaby, who was leaning back on the couch, drinking a beer and checking his cell phone. He felt his cheeks flush as Barnaby smiled at him before shifting on the couch to make room for him. 

“Agnes sent me a message,” Bunny announced as he showed him his phone. Kotetsu couldn’t help thinking it was cute how worried Bunny looked as he handed over his device. The last time Barnaby lent Kotetsu his phone, a very interesting and self-centered history had appeared in his search engine. “There’s a new sponsor who’s interested in investing in Apollon, but he wants to talk to us first. He says he would very much like to talk to Kaburagi T. Kotetsu and not Wild Tiger.” 

Oh no. Not this again. Barnaby smirked. An argument was brewing that would never end. “Wild Tiger is the hero, not Kaburagi Kotetsu,” said Kotetsu before handing the cell phone back to his laughing partner. There was a painful pang in his stomach and his hands were freezing cold. He didn’t feel like arguing with Bunny over something so silly. 

“The whole city knows who you are. I don’t know why you’re still so stubborn.” Barnaby grimaced as he glared at him.  

And whose fault was tha—  

Huh. It was wonderful to go from despair to anger in a matter of minutes. Only Barnaby could pull that off.

“It’s Wild Tiger. Period.”

Just as Barnaby was about to retort, Subaru walked over, munching on a donut. He clapped his hands, trying to attract his senpais’ attention, the others looking grateful to the younger hero. Everyone had subtly drawn closer to the pair of them already, ready to intervene. It was just like when the second league had to separate them for bickering in the street. “Okay, okay,” said Subaru, taking a seat opposite Kotetsu and Barnaby. “We’re here to have fun. Let’s put work aside! Relax, Barnaby-san…Tiger-san.”

“That’s right!” Keith intoned as he spread his arms wide, receiving an embarrassed look from Nathan. “Today we are going to celebrate, and celebrate again!” 

Kotetsu reluctantly nodded, letting himself be carried away by his companions’ enthusiastic exclamations. He snorted when Barnaby playfully nudged his leg.  

Yes, everything would be fine. 

That is, until Subaru looked at him curiously, still eating another piece of the baked goods that their resident teen idol had brought for everyone.

“Something the matter?” asked Kotetsu. He couldn’t help but grimace when Subaru nodded. His eyes sparkled in a sea of curiosity. It was the same look he’d given Barnaby when he asked him why he became a hero. 

“Why does the whole city know your identity?” 

Kotetsu felt himself stiffen as everyone in the room fell silent. Subaru ignored the heroes’ reaction, nonchalantly wiping crumbs off his face. He kept looking at Kotetsu, waiting for an answer that not even Kotetsu had it in him to give. 

This time there would be no Ryan to defend him like he’d done with Bunny a few months ago. All the heroes were deeply quiet, gazing at him soberly – all except for his partner, who seemed ready to attack the rookie hero at any moment. 

Why does the city know your identity? What did he do wrong for people to know his identity?

He was nosy. That happens.

He felt Barnaby shift uncomfortably in place. His hands, curled into fists, were red from the pressure. Kotetsu swallowed hard, waiting for some response to fall from his lips, but his curious kouhai interrupted his feeble attempts.

“I know it was during the confrontation with the guy who used to be CEO of Apollon Media, but I never knew the details.” Subaru turned to his partner. Thomas looked at him with a slight nod, showing that he was listening. 

“W-well…” Kotetsu began, angry at himself to hear his voice shaking. He fidgeted as Karina and Nathan gave him grave looks. He didn’t want to turn around and see the others. He already knew the looks they’d have on their faces. He didn’t want to look at Barnaby. 

God, no.  

He couldn’t look at Barnaby.  

“Wait, wait, I got it!” Subaru burst out. He stood up with a triumphant grin. He looked over at Lara and Thomas, punctuating his words by gesturing with his index finger. “I just remembered what happened!” Why was Subaru smiling? Was there any reason to smile? “He was framed for someone’s murder, wasn’t he? An old lady who was stabbed to death!”

Today’s objective: A homicidal NEXT. Kaburagi T. Kotetsu. He is suspected of killing Samantha Taylor, 68, a resident of Sternbild.  

Kotetsu stared at Subaru with his mouth open. His heart was starting to beat faster. Next to him, Barnaby’s mouth tightened into a thin line. His eyes were so, so wide. He looked so upset.

Because he’d killed Samantha.  

No. He hadn’t killed Samantha.  

But he’d gotten her killed. 

“Black…” Ivan approached the kid, shaking his head. Subaru gave him a confused glance before turning his attention back to Kotetsu.  

“Isn’t that right, Tiger-san? Huh? They even said that the other heroes were hunting him down! It was just like something in the movies!” Subaru gushed. 

You think you’re so strong, asshole? You murdered a poor old lady, damn you! I hope Brooks kills you, you son of a bitch. 

“N-No...I don’t—” 

He was beginning to feel short of breath. Not this again. He swallowed hard and pressed his lips together, hoping not to make a scene. God, he needed air.  

“So that was the story!” It was Ryan who interrupted this time, earning a look of alarm from his partner. “When I first came to Apollon, they said they needed me as a smokescreen to cover up for something really big that went down in the company. Oh, man, I didn’t expect it to be that!”  

“Ryan…” Karina gritted her teeth visibly, nudging the older man’s arm with the back of her hand.  

“Wow! You really had a hard time in your career, Tiger-san,” Subaru said again. “But I’m sure it was good for your popularity.” 

“Tiger-san did that to increase his popularity?” asked Lara, confused and scared. Kotetsu felt his heart tighten as the girl looked at him in fear.  

He’d scared her.

“We’ve never talked about this…” Ivan confessed as he looked everywhere except at Kotetsu.  

It was true. At no time after the fight with Maverick had they ever discussed the matter of him being framed. They had visited him frequently, commiserating about his physical condition and lamenting his sudden retirement, but no-one had never said anything about their altered memories of him. He supposed it had been awkward for everyone. 

Pao-Lin, childlike, nodded, putting a finger to her chin as she tried to remember. “Come to think of it…He did say that Tiger would be the star that day.”

“What?” Kotetsu and Barnaby asked at the same time. Kotetsu glanced quickly at his hands, clenching them as his heart thudded painfully. His chest area began to throb uncontrollably. 

No. No. Not here. Please. 

“Maverick called us all together that night,” Dragon Kid continued. “He said that Tiger was going to be the star of the next episode of HeroTV.” 

He would be the star of HeroTV.  

Because he’d killed Samantha.  

And Barnaby was going to kill him.

“So it was to increase your popularity? Tiger-san, what—”

  “Shut up!”

Kotetsu watched as Barnaby surged to his feet. He strode over to Subaru, whose brow was starting to furrow in dismay at Barnaby’s attitude. Ryan hurried over to Barnaby, taking him by the shoulder with a slight shake of his head. He looked hurt when ‘Junior’ batted his hand away with a glare. “What do you know?!” Barnaby growled, coming toe-to-toe with Subaru who was starting to look annoyed as well. “Don’t talk if you don’t know what really happened!”

It seemed that Barnaby had returned to that aggressive attitude that he had in his debut years. He didn't seem to care much about intimidating the minor with that cold, angry stare.

“Well, that’s why I’m asking!” Subaru shouted back. “Why are you reacting this way? It’s enough to make you think he really did kill someone!” 

He really did kill someone.

He didn’t kill Samantha. He didn’t do it for popularity. Barnaby still hated him because he was the reason his poor nanny was killed. He never wanted that! He didn’t want that to happen! 

He gasped. It sounded loud. He didn’t mind the worried and scared looks he got from Barnaby and the others. He no longer cared about any of that.

“I-I didn’t do anything…I-I didn’t…”

He just needed to breathe, because once again he felt his worst nightmare creeping over his chest. That damn thing was starting to squeeze his heart, robbing him of the air he needed so badly, taking away everything he needed to live. 

He got up, ignoring how Karina and Antonio approached him. He quickened his pace when Barnaby called out his name, probably seeing how he had brought his hands up to his chest trying to calm his heartbeat. 

His whole body was beginning to feel light and cold. So cold. He didn’t know if the icy sensation was caused by the way he was breathing, trying to inhale all the air in the world. His hands trembled slightly. An annoying ringing began in his ears before he could get to the gym, so he stopped. All the sounds around him had been replaced by a piercing whine in his left ear. He couldn’t help a moan as his head felt light and throbbing at the same time.  

He ignored the hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even know whose it was. The grip seemed strong but he barely felt anything. His sight was invaded by flashes of light. He felt weak. So weak. 

His chest kept tightening, pounding. It felt like something was tearing out every fiber of his heart. Was he…was he going to die?  

“I-I feel weird,” he confessed to his companion, swaying slightly. He quickly caught himself on the wall. He wavered. He didn’t think he could stay standing much longer.  

“Weird how?” he managed to hear. The person seemed worried. A hand on his back slowly massaged over his right shoulder blade.  

“D-Dizzy.” 

That was the last thing he managed to say before he felt his legs give way. Strong arms reached out to break his fall. He heard the person call out his name in anguish.  

He groaned with the pain as jerky movements brought him up to lie against someone’s torso. His ears were bothering him terribly. It felt like someone was pressing large sponges against them.  

“Kotetsu! Kotetsu! What’s wrong?! Kotetsu! Someone call a fucking ambulance!” The person was still screaming desperately. Kotetsu involuntarily closed his eyes. He was so tired. A strong shake made him open them partway. He gasped. He was trying to inhale as much air as possible but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because the person kept holding him close.  

Why are you so scared? Why are you so worried about me? 

“My God, Kotetsu. Calm down. Try to relax! Breathe! Breathe, Kotetsu!”

“I-I can’t,” he whispered, closing his eyes again. Everything was so dark. He was going to pass out.  

“No, no—yes you can, Kotetsu! You can! Open your eyes! What’s wrong, baby? What’s the matter? No, no, open your eyes!” 

Kotetsu felt himself being embraced tightly. The action ought to have made him feel protected. Hands stroked his hair tenderly. He shook his head. He was desperate. He wanted this person to release him. He didn’t want to fall into the darkness and the stranger’s grip just seemed to further increase the chances of being consumed by it.  

“Come on, Kotetsu! Come on, baby! Don’t scare me like this!” 

“W-wait,” he whispered, opening his eyes slightly. He wanted to fight. He wanted to. He weakly clutched at his companion’s shirt, hoping it would be enough to keep him awake.

He was scared. If the darkness swallowed him up… would he ever wake again?  

“Wait…” he whispered desperately. He looked up slightly, meeting green eyes brimming with tears.  

Barnaby.  

His Bunny.  

“Bunny…” 

“Yeah. Take it easy. Help’s coming. How do you feel?”

“Bunny…” 

Kotetsu felt Barnaby’s chin come to rest against his shoulder. His eyes still desperately wanted to close. But the heaviness in his chest was beginning to ease. He still inhaled through his mouth, trying to calm his need for air. 

“Bunny… hold me.” 

“What?” his partner asked, still looking at him, confused, cautious. 

“Bunny… Hold me and don’t let me go. Please…” 

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Never leave me. 

Kotetsu was filled with reassurance when Barnaby held him close against his chest again. Together, they slid to the floor, never separating. He didn’t want to be parted from Bunny. 

Kotetsu finally decided to let himself be carried away by his body. He let himself be enveloped in darkness. This time he was not afraid.  

Because he knew Barnaby was there. With him. 

Nothing was going to happen to him.  

Barnaby would take care of that. 

Chapter Text

Barnaby gasped as he felt Kotetsu slump in his arms. He looked down at once to find a peaceful and calm expression on his partner’s face. But that didn’t mean he was okay. He immediately pressed his fingers against Tiger’s wrist, feeling for the radial artery under his touch. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a rhythmic push against his fingers. 

I just passed out from all the pain. Did you even check my pulse?

Barnaby swallowed the lump in his throat before burying his nose in his partner’s disheveled hair. Tiger was freezing, and he looked so small. Fragile. He couldn’t help but whimper the older man’s name as he hugged him to his chest. Kotetsu was so terrified. Barnaby had never seen him so scared, so desperate. And it had all been for him. 

Did you pass out from the pain this time too, Kotetsu? Are you in pain? Is the pain bad? Forgive me. 

He heard shouts approaching. Back then, amid sparking machines and scorching smoke, the heroes had celebrated their freedom and their victory against H-01. Barnaby ignored Karina who could only manage to tell him that the company doctor had already arrived before the blond lifted the Japanese into his arms.

While walking towards the medical wing of the Tower of Justice, the hero began to remember how moments ago his partner pushed him desperately, trying to escape from his grasp. He was so hurt by that. But if it had seemed like torment to him, he didn't want to imagine how Kotetsu had felt. His poor Kotetsu.

"He'll be fine” Bunny murmured before quickening his pace. He just wanted Kotetsu to be okay. He just wanted that.

As Barnaby arrived in the area, an older dark-haired woman dressed in Apollon's recognizable white coat opened the office, waving the blond into the room. The other heroes were outside, looking anguished at their partner.

"Mr. Brooks, help me put him on the stretcher, please," the doctor murmured. Barnaby immediately complied, leaving the other heroes behind to enter a new sea of uncertainty. He carefully placed the older man on the bed, only managing to squeeze Kotetsu's hand briefly before the doctor pushed him aside so she could check on the veteran hero.

Would Kotetsu be okay? Would it really be okay? Barnaby decided to lean against the wall, he knew he would only hinder the woman's work if he stayed close to the gurney.

"Could you tell me what happened to him?" the doctor finally asked before taking a clipboard that hung near the head of the bed and began to take notes with an eerie calm on the forms. Barnaby was about to sneer that it was obvious, but he caught himself.  Why couldn't he calm down?

Because his partner was hurt. Because once again, Kotetsu was suffering, and he didn't realize it.

“We were talking with the other heroes on the terrace here in the building but…” Barnaby could still remember how all the once-vivid color had drained from his partner’s complexion when Subaru asked that silly question. “We started arguing and then Kotetsu started breathing strangely and clutching at his chest. He ran out of the room and I followed him. He wasn’t walking steady, he was staggering all the way to the gym and then he leaned against a wall…” 

The woman nodded now looking at him intently. Barnaby felt the urge to cry return. He had never seen Kotetsu like this, so pale, so scared.

“H-he told me he felt weird…” Barnaby kept speaking haltingly, not caring if he was making a fool of himself in front of the doctor. “Then he told me he was dizzy and that’s when he collapsed. I-I managed to hold him and I realized he was trying to stay awake, but he couldn’t, he started to move his head strangely. He was still panting… he… uh, he was hyperventilating, he was shaking badly and I…” 

“Okay, Mr. Brooks,” Dr. Park nodded, giving him an understanding pat. “Don’t be scared, Kotetsu is fine. I’ve listened to his heart, I’ve listened to his lungs and everything seems fine.” 

Barnaby let out a sob before turning to the wall, desperately trying to wipe away the tears. He had to admit that he was terrified too because his pillar also needed someone to hold him up.

“Sometimes emotional stress can cause these kinds of episodes,” the woman spoke after a few minutes, passing him some tissues “Strong emotions such as fear, anxiety and being so tense cause our blood pressure drops quickly and that unbalances us. The good thing here is that you were by his side, because it would have been bad for Kotetsu to faint and hit his head.”

Barnaby shook his head slightly. The young hero felt that he should have done better with Kotetsu. Since the oldest arrived at his meeting, he looked distressed and ate with regret every bite they offered him.

“I'm going to take a glucose test and I'm also going to check his blood pressure” Dr. Park announced before opening the door of the place “Stay with the others, please.”

Bunny was on the verge of refusing. He was desperate to stay by Kotetsu’s side, to hold his hand and see him open his eyes. But the doctor’s face forced him to discard that idea. Crestfallen, Barnaby went back to the other heroes. Curious and worried eyes focused on him for several minutes until the hero with the most initiative in the group spoke.

“Handsome,” Fire Emblem approached him. “How’s Tiger? Is he okay?” 

The heroine couldn't help but hug the younger when his shoulders trembled slightly. Barnaby wasn't used to this, he definitely wasn't. But in those moments, he didn't care that the others saw him fall apart. He wanted someone to tell him that everything would be fine with his partner, even though a professional had already done it. He just wanted to see Kotetsu well.

After several minutes of silence, Barnaby managed to compose himself. He gently disengaged himself from Nathan, who immediately nodded, patting him on the back. “She said he passed out from stress… The doctor’s running some more tests on him, but she said there was nothing to worry about.” 

“Barnaby-san,” Subaru whispered. Barnaby looked at the kid. He couldn’t help a grimace when he realized that the rookie hero seemed to have been crying as well. “I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t want that to happen to Tiger-san…”

Bunny nodded. He was still upset by the younger's actions, but it wasn't Subaru's fault. No one knew that Kotetsu could react like this. Perhaps the issue should only have been dealt with more tactfully. Perhaps he should have talked to Kotetsu about it before, he was an idiot to think that this painful event would not torment his partner.

The company doctor left the room murmuring orders to a young nurse who only nodded before returning to the small room where his partner was. The door behind the professional closed slowly. Barnaby got up from his seat before approaching the woman who only placed her hand in front of him preventing the blond from getting closer.

“Kotetsu is fine, Mr. Brooks. Calm down. A nurse is with him.”

The older woman sat in one of the chairs there, quietly fiddling with a manila-colored folder.

“I have sent Mr. Lloyds a report of what happened, as well as Director Petrov and Ms Joubert. They needed to be informed because as a company, we are obligated to submit medical reports so as to serve our employees as fully as possible.” She opened the folder before beginning to read the forms that were there, pointing with his finger line by line “Mr. Kaburagi has somewhat low blood pressure and his glucose was very close to the minimum. I’d like to have an ECG done, not because I think there’s anything wrong with him, just to rule out anything and so that you too are calmer.”

Barnaby clenched his hands in clear frustration.

“Sometimes the human mind is very powerful. If you work with these unsettling feelings, it can lead us to have intense and sometimes dangerous physical reactions” the doctor murmured before looking at them and extending the sheets of paper in her hands “I've worked for HeroTV for years and I've seen several heroes go through what same. This isn't the first time Kotetsu has reacted like this.”

Barnaby looked confused at the older one who just sighed.

“Since he debuted, he has had anxiety attacks, but he has somatic anxiety and that's why he ended up here. What happened a few moments ago I would classify as more of a panic attack, but…Yes.”

Barnaby was starting to remember those little moments when Kotetsu scratched nervously behind his ear. Or when he stared at his hands trying to control the tremor which Barnaby jokingly associated with old age. All the times he questioned the older man’s sighs when he was just trying to steady his breathing... 

Apparently he always did show the signs, but nobody noticed. 

The doctor got up from her place before smiling with some empathy. She took the sheets of paper before speaking again, the people in that place were Kotetsu's companions, they had to support him.

“Kotetsu is a strong person, but he also needs help. I want Tiger to return to the sessions with the psychologists here, no one is forced to attend... But he has a complex job, he must go. Take care of yourselves too, mental health is not a game. If we allow this instability to continue, there is serious damage to physical health.”

They all nodded at the woman's words, but they no longer paid attention when the door was heard open with a subtle creak.

"Dr. Park, Mr. Kaburagi is awake."

Chapter Text

He heard someone walking near him with calm steps. Kotetsu slowly opened his eyes, only to close them again against the radiant light cast by the lamp next to him. His head was throbbing with a bearable rhythm and there was a little buzzing in his left ear. That didn't matter much, where was he?

Kotetsu tried to get up, but when he got up a little, he felt a hand push him down again. He looked to his right, a weary-looking young woman smiled at him as she murmured to him to stay put. He recognized her, she was the company nurse. He slowly began to remember what had happened before he lost consciousness.

He did a show.

"How do you feel, Mr. Kaburagi? Can you hear me?”

Kotetsu made a sound of affirmation. He shuddered as the young woman placed the stethoscope's membrane over his torso. The instrument was as cold as an ice cube, he was surprised as he was still wearing his usual green shirt. Maybe he was just a little sensitive, and with good reason.

Kotetsu couldn't believe that had happened to him in front of everyone.

"Remember what happened?" the girl asked after a few moments. He knew it was so as not to disturb him, he had just woken up and upsetting him after a faint was the least recommended. If she knew that he was already scolding himself internally.

"I… fainted" he answered with some embarrassment. It was ridiculous for someone to faint just because of foolish thoughts... right? The look that the nurse gave him only made him feel worse.

"Have you been eating well? Sleeping well? Have you had a similar experience recently?”

Kotetsu knew that the young woman was only doing her job, but every time she asked him something, he felt a strong desire to run out of there. He didn't want to answer those drawer questions, he didn't want to see anyone. God, he was so embarrassed. Had he ruined the other heroes' evening?

The other heroes were still there? He hoped not.

“Recently…I also felt like I was going to pass out when I was in the shower” he admitted “But I've been sleeping well, I ate well too.”

“Really? You look very pale, and you also have noticeable dark circles under your eyes.”

Kotetsu smiled as the nurse blushed before beginning to stammer out a quick apology. The short interaction made him forget the grief that had invaded him moments before.

"I'll let the doctor know that you've woken up, she's outside talking to the other heroes," the girl murmured. The older one opened his eyes too wide, were they still there? Yes, he knew they weren't selfless people, but… But he didn't think they would be there yet.

Come on, Kotetsu! Come on, baby! Don’t scare me like this!

Barnaby. Barnaby was with him. Bunny had taken him to the infirmary?

“M-My partn-…Is B-Bunny still here?” he asked.

"Bunny?" the girl asked with an arched eyebrow, although little by little a goofy smile adorned her face. Kotetsu felt his cheeks heat up and before he could mention his partner's name, the nurse spoke, "Mr. Brooks? Yes, he is with the doctor.”

The older man nodded looking at his hands. Of course Barnaby was still there. He winced when he heard the nurse's giggle as she walked to the door. Yeah, okay, get this over with.

He just wanted to go home.

He looked up as a familiar dark-haired woman entered the room. Kotetsu tried to give her a smile, but the older one's grimace only eliminated all desire to do so. He sighed as Park sat down next to him, the woman taking his hand that was trembling slightly.

"Long time no see you here, brat" she began. Kotetsu snorted before looking at Park Yuna who was now smiling at him as she squeezed his hands “How are you feeling?”

The hero grimaced as he felt a lump form in his throat. His eyes stung slightly, he wanted to make Park believe that it was because of the intensity of the light.

"There are days where I feel better," he murmured. The older one nodded while she gracefully shook her head trying to show that she understood.

"Does something hurt? Do you feel something unusual?”

He considered his answer for a few moments. Yes, he felt weak, and his head still throbbed, but the feeling in his chest was gone. The usual.

"My head hurts... And I still feel weak, but I feel better than I've been in a while" he finally said.

"Yes, I understand" the doctor replied, “Did you eat today?"

“In the morning I drank coffee and ate a muffin…Don't look at me like that” Kotetsu complained when the professional didn't take her eyes off his face, incredulous.

"Did you sleep today?" her friend continued without hiding her annoyance. She snorted before stroking her temple “Don't tell me anything, I know you haven't slept. I'm not surprised you fainted, there are so many things you're like this for, Kaburagi.”

Kotetsu nodded. He knew it. And that's why he didn't say anything. He didn't want the people around him to react like this.

"How long have you been like this, Kotetsu?" the doctor questioned with a kinder tone, even worried. "Your tests went well, don't worry about that... But you don't feel well, right? Emotionally…Physically.”

"I've been like this for a while.” Park nodded again. Before closing her eyes and sighing.

"I'm going to leave you here for another hour. Try to walk around the room but don't make so much effort, you could alter your blood pressure for having been lying down for so long” the professional suggested before patting him on the shoulder “Your partner is outside, he wants to see you... Shall I let him in? He gave me a very ugly look when I told him to wait with the others, but I didn't want to overwhelm you.”

Bunny was outside. He wanted to see him. Even after all the trouble he caused. Kotetsu should be ashamed.

“He is worried about you, he looked very scared when he brought you here…”

Kotetsu remembered how the younger hugged him tightly while he struggled not to lose consciousness. He swears that Barnaby was close to crying. His poor partner had definitely freaked out.

Bunny deserved an apology. Like the rest.

"Yeah…he can come in."

Again, he returned to his favorite “post-fainting” activity: Looking at his hands expecting the worst. He winced as the door made the slight creak, and he closed his eyes tightly as he heard the woman call for Bunny to enter. He had already regretted it, why did he ask her to call him? When he least expected it, hurried footsteps filled the room.

He had entered.

He couldn't see Barnaby. He didn't know what to say to Bunny.

No, no—yes you can, Kotetsu! You can! Open your eyes! What’s wrong, baby? What’s the matter? No, no, open your eyes!

Barnaby had been so scared. He scared him. Oh god, how could he talk to him?

“Bunny…”

"Y-Yeah?!" What happened?” Kotetsu opened his eyes and looked to the left of him. Barnaby looked distressed, he also looked paler “How are you feeling? You need something? I-”

"W-Wait..." Kotetsu interrupted looking at him sadly. The dark-haired man got up slowly, finding it cute that Barnaby extended his arms ready in case Kotetsu didn't have enough strength to get up “I'm fine… I feel fine.”

The blond pursed his lips into a thin line while still looking at him with what he could distinguish as pity. Kotetsu took his partner's hands, they were so warm that slowly the concern that had invaded him moments ago began to slowly fade away.

We know each other even without having to say anything.

That distinguished them from the other heroes.

That made their relationship special.

I was afraid. I didn't know what to do.

Me too…Forgive me for scaring you.

Forgive me for not knowing that you felt bad.

"After the fight with Fugan and Mugan...I started to feel like that again," Kotetsu whispered as he continued to play with Barnaby's hands. He appreciated every detail of these. They were big and soft; Bunny also took perfect care of his nails “I couldn't sleep in the hospital, and I felt uncomfortable when I tried to.”

He never looked up, but he knew his partner was looking at him intensely. God, he could feel Barnaby's gaze even from yards away. He smiled slightly.

“I couldn't breathe very well; I thought it was because of my injuries… But then I began to feel very anguished” Kotetsu still remembered those nights when he tossed restlessly in his bed, it was so frequent that Subaru complained because he wouldn't let him sleep “I- I realized that I only felt that way when I thought of one specific thing.”

"What were you thinking?" Barnaby asked in such a kind whisper, it just gave him the courage to answer that without feeling embarrassed.

“That I was going to die” he answered and finally looked at his partner “The idea of death worried me so much, and I remembered everything that happened with Maverick.”

“Kotetsu…”

“I know that our work is very risky, it is almost a free ticket to die... But on that occasion, I was very afraid. Everyone forgot me…They wanted to kill me…They almost did, and I was going to leave you and Kaede behind…I was so scared.”

Barnaby removed his hands from the Kotetsu's. He looked down and Kotetsu inwardly cursed his pair's perfect curls, because they didn't let him see Barnaby's expression.

"Bunny... I’m so sorry" he murmured making the younger look at him. A tear slipped down Barnaby's cheek who began to shake his head before hugging him, not so hard but with a firm grip “T-That's why I didn't say anything... You suffered a lot...”

"But you too, babe" Bunny whispered as he rested his forehead on Kotetsu's shoulder. The older man clung to his partner's back, he didn't want him to let go “You suffered so much too, Kotetsu.”

And it was true. Kotetsu was so hurt by all that mess, physically, psychologically. Just remembering the man who had betrayed the trust of the entire town, the trust of his partner, made him hyperventilate terribly, but how could he say that to Barnaby when he, too, was a victim of Maverick? How to tell him that he had a crisis when he remembered how he was framed for Samantha's murder? He would hurt him too.

"Please...Tell me everything. Just as you meddle in my life, let me do it in yours" Barnaby moved away from his small and comforting hiding place before looking at him. His smooth hands caressed his cheeks wiping away a small trail of tears. "When you feel like this, when you feel bad, call me. No matter the reason, I will always be by your side if you ask me to.”

“But…”

“Besides, I want to make it clear to you that what happened that day was.not.your.fault, did you understand?” Bunny was in charge of emphasizing each word so that his partner could understand it “I've never thought about it, and I feel stupid for not having told you before. You saved me that day, you are my hero. You are everyone's hero.”

Kotetsu sobbed upon hearing the blond's words. Barnaby was so wrong. Because if he hadn't meddled... Maybe Samantha would still be alive. Maybe his friends and his family wouldn't have gotten hurt... Maybe...

“Maverick will always be to blame, do you hear me? Even me... Because I didn't listen to you” Bunny lowered his gaze, remorseful “I hurt you so much and I never asked for your forgiveness...”

"N-No, Bunny! It is not your fault!”

"Then you don't have it either, old man. Remember that, please” Barnaby hugged him again to place a few kisses on the Japanese's forehead, making him blush “I love you so much, Kotetsu.”

Kotetsu returned that hug. Yes, there were still too many things to say, but that would be later, he wanted to enjoy that moment in the arms of his sweet bunny. They would cry more, he was sure of that. He might even hyperventilate and pass out again, but no, that wouldn't happen.

Kotetsu felt great. The heaviness in his chest was no longer present.

Maybe…Maybe everything would be alright.

No, everything will be fine.

"Yeah…I love you too, Bunny."

Chapter Text

Kotetsu wiped his tears with tissues that he snatched from the box next to him. He closed his eyes as he listened to the woman speak and continue with the exercise.

Anna, his psychologist, was a very good person. The woman let him know that there was nothing to be ashamed of if the therapy sessions didn't go as expected, she would never judge him. That's why he couldn't avoid that brief overflow of emotions.

"You must let any idea, sensation, or stimulus pass to refocus on your breathing," the psychologist whispered. Kotetsu complied with the indication. Focus on his breathing “Okay, now you take three deep, conscious breaths… Inhale through your nose… Exhale gently through your nose, once again.”

He started going to therapy shortly before the problem with the "X's" broke out. Anna had been recommended by Ben who when he heard that Kotetsu had had an emotional relapse, did not hesitate to return to Sternbild to see how he was doing. The sessions were good and Kotetsu was feeling better.

He ended up doing activities to distract himself, also exercises that helped him communicate better. It was still failing in some ways, but there was progress. They talked about his fear of death, about his powers, about his family…about Tomoe.

So many things that he had never spoken for fear of being judged.

He was able to freely express everything that bothered him.

Even Kotetsu can tell that's why he didn't take it so badly that his powers were gone. They had many sessions about it, but the support of the professional and his friends helped him not to feel so bad.

“Now open your eyes…Remembering that a state of mental tranquility can lead you to always make better decisions. How do you feel?” Anna asked.

"Fine, Anna" Kotetsu answered as he continued to wipe his tears, "Thank you for always doing this."

“Of course! It's my job” the young woman murmured with an amused tone “I'm glad you came this week. I know that taking care of your fiancé had you somewhat tense. Barnaby can walk now?”

Kotetsu nodded before sighing and leaning back in the chair. Barnaby had decided to have surgery because his leg was still bothering him too much. Who would have thought that the hundred power had sequelae? Kotetsu found out that he had inflamed eardrums from all the times he used his power to increase his hearing and Barnaby affected several tendons. He was already fine, the surgery was a success and although he still hurt a little, the blond moved around the house to water his precious plants.

"It didn't help much that the police asked me for help with an investigation," he muttered while stroking the back of his neck. "I couldn't be home for long and even though Kaede kept me up to date on Bunny... It wasn't the same, I wanted to be with them. Sorry for asking you for the sessions online and so late.”

"Who sent you to be a detective?" Let Barnaby pay for everything. What I would give to have your life!” Anna sneered before smiling and passing him the folder where Kotetsu placed the money from the session “Say hi to Kaede and Barnaby for me, okay? Next week I want to do some quizzes with you.”

“Sure! See you later, Anna” Kotetsu enthused before leaving the small office. He greeted the receptionist before leaving the building. It was already night, the session had been extended a bit.

He clicked his tongue when he realized he would have to walk. The transportation service had already stopped working and he didn't want to call a taxi either, his house wasn't that far. With that thought, he set off towards his destination.

"With that step you'll get home until next week. Kaede and I are hungry, old man” someone spoke behind him. Kotetsu turned to find Barnaby who only gave him a grimace full of annoyance, Kaede next to her giggled before approaching her father, “I told you we'd pick you up, why did you leave the clinic?”

"I didn't see your car, I thought you hadn't come," he lied. Kotetsu hadn't listened to Barnaby before going to therapy, he got distracted by watching a gossip show. Kotetsu yelled when Bunny pulled his arm to start walking with a marked step, Kaede imitated the action, "I didn't defrost the meat, I'll take a long-time preparing dinner."

"Another thousand years will we have to wait? No thanks” Kaede murmured playing along with the blond who smiled “I couldn't eat at the academy, I want to go to the yakiniku.”

"Will Bunny be able to eat red meat? You're still on a diet, aren't you?” The older man asked his boyfriend who just shrugged.

"It's been a month, I think it doesn't matter," Barnaby replied before yawning and putting his arm around the older man's shoulders, pulling him closer, "How was the talk with Anna? Did she get upset that you didn't go last week?”

Kotetsu smiled. Barnaby was always aware of his sessions, and even though he didn't share everything he talked about, he liked to tell his partner a few things.

"It was good...I liked talking to her today, we went back to the breathing exercises," he murmured. Barnaby nodded while he looked ahead, taking care that Kaede didn't stray too far, they weren't that far from the restaurant, but the girl could get very excited and cause little accidents, a whole Kaburagi “She sent you greetings.”

"That's good… I'll have to thank her later" Bunny said when they got to the place. Kotetsu was taking off his shoes to enter the restaurant, Japanese rule, but he couldn't help but stop when his partner said that.

“Why?” Kotetsu asked.

“You've been shining too much lately... You seem more stable, also happier” Barnaby gave him a smile, extended his left arm waiting for Kotetsu take his hand and when he did, he smiled even more as he felt how the golden rings collided in a pleasant way "Or is it because of me?"

The older one agreed. He extended his other arm to the waiting teenager with a neutral expression, Kaede taking his hand before leading them to the reception.

“It's all because I want to be okay for you…For Kaede…But also for me. Especially for me.”

"I'm glad to hear that, Kotetsu."

“Yeah, me too.”