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Chapter Text

It was her ninth birthday, and Grace couldn't have been more excited. Usually birthdays weren't so great, full of dining halls of disinterested classmates she barely knew and vapid boxes of gifts she didn't even want. It would've been especially awkward having them over this year, given how she left things with the girls in her dance class.

But this year was going to be different, because her parents were letting her attend their dinner tonight. It was rare that she got to attend these massive parties, but they weren't too busy for this one, so they let her stay and join. She imagined all the attendees at the party, donning sparkling gowns and sharp suits. The smell of fresh baked hors d'ouevres wafted in her mind, from tiny quiches to mozzarella sticks. She imagined drinking soda out of on of those skinny glasses, pinky out and all proper. The guests would probably loom over her like giants, moving and chatting and laughing about the vast halls of the mansion like nobles in a castle.

And Grace was going to be the prettiest girl at the party. While she had a closet full of dresses picked out for her specifically, her thought was to explore the gorgeous gowns in her mother's wardrobe. She picked a flowy purple dress, not minding that it billowed below her feet and fell off her shoulders. It needed something to tie it together. The jewelry box was the ideal place to look, and Grace excitedly draped bulbous white pearls around her neck. A sunhat with an array of flowers on the hat rack caught her eye, and she was barely able to reach while perched on her tip toes. Slipping into an oversized pair of black heels, she carefully stumbled on the bench in front of the vanity. 

Grace's eyes glittered when she saw her reflection. She looked just like her mother, full of beauty and class and poise. Once she stepped down the marble staircase, everyone would look in awe at her and wish her the happiest birthday. Just one dot of lipstick, and it would be perfect.

"Oh no, Grace, look at you!" A loud voice bellowed behind her. She turned to find her mother, towering over her small stature with grandiose authority and power. 

"I wanted to try a different look," Grace chirped excitedly, not detecting any malice at the time. 

"We're hosting Ambassador Morris tonight!" her mother huffed, and the venom hit Grace all at once. Pinching her brows together, her mother straightened up and called for the babysitter. Grace had so many different ones she could never remember any of their names or faces, it all became a blur to her.

"I don't have time for this! Take her to a movie or something," her mother said dismissively, walking out of the room without even giving Grace a second look. 

"Of course Miss Monroe, she'll have a fun day," was what the babysitter always said, unaware that it was always a blatant lie. Grace dragged the sunhat off, staring at it in shame as pressure built behind her eyes. Of course this had to fall through too, why would anyone even bother with her unless they had to?

Grace didn't open the gift left at the foot of her bed when she got home that night.

Chapter Text

"How long do you think we've been here?" Simon asked as he walked along the cotton candy grass. It had been awhile since they had found one another, and were exploring each of the train cars. This one was a sugar themed one, and they finally decided to leave when they felt too sick to eat anymore candy landmarks.

"Does it matter? This place is our home now," Grace responded, hands clasped casually behind her head.

"Yeah, I guess. It feels weird, though. Not keeping track of things," Simon shrugged. "Wish I at least knew if it was my birthday."

"What would you do for your birthday?"

"I dunno, sometimes I would go to military museums with my dad, but..." Simon rubbed his arm uncomfortably. "I guess not much. You?" He looked up at her curiously.

The memory of her ninth birthday sent an involuntary shudder through her. "Not much either, I guess. They were so boring anyway, birthdays are overrated," She waved dismissively. Still, Simon looked a little despondent. "Hey, we can have our birthday every day here if we wanted!"

His eyes lit up a little. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! The train picked us up, we may as well do what we want here!" Grace stood up on a gumdrop with gusto. "We can have a million birthdays if we want!"

"Or un-birthdays!" Simon joined in with a tiny jump.

"Huh?" Grace looked at him with confusion.

"You know, from 'Alice in Wonderland'?" he explained.

Grace paused a minute before going, "Ohh, right! How could I forget." Hopefully it wasn't too obvious she was lying she barely knew 'Alice in Wonderland' outside the title; he was her first friend and she didn't want him thinking (or knowing) that she was less impressive than he thought. It was so nice having someone look at her as more than a nuisance or an outcast. Someone that saw her as something special.

They continued their trek through the candy forest before reaching the exit. "Still, wouldn't you want just one special day?" Simon asked as he carefully watched his footsteps on the bridge.

 
"I mean, yeah I guess," Grace shrugged as she opened the door to the next car, feeling her shirt tug at her underarms uncomfortably as she reached for the handle. The two of them must have been on longer than she thought, as she barely noticed her clothes shrunk.

As the red door swung open, a shiny mall spread out before them. The escalators gleamed onto the tiled floor, a large expanse of stores of all kinds lining the walls: clothes, books, toys, you name it.

And then Grace was hit with an idea. "What if we picked our birthdays?"

Simon turned his head from where he stared at the comic book store. "Huh?"

"Let's pick a day where we share a birthday, and we each give each other a gift! That way we can still have a special day. Like this!" Grace turned around and spread her arms in star formation. "Happy birthday, Simon, I give you this car!"

"Oh, thank-hey, that's not fair!" Simon squawked indignantly. "How am I gonna get you a similar gift?"

Grace trilled her lips in thought. "Okay, let's say this whole car is a joint gift, and we have to find another gift for each other. Sound good?"

Simon smiled widely. "You got it!" He saluted before sprinting off.

"Hey, I didn't say go!" Grace argued, surprised that Simon actually paused. She waited a minute before saying. "Okay, go!" 

The two tore off into the mall, scouring for what one might think the other would like. Grace may have taken a brief pit stop to the clothing store, tearing through the shelves to find something that would fit her better. Eventually she settled on a sparkly orange tank top, purple gym shorts, and rubber band bracelets. She looked over herself in the long dressing room mirror, and smiled at this new person she grew into; from her newly coiled locs to her more athletic clothes, it was a stark, bright contrast to the way she looked when she was at home. And she couldn't have been more excited.

"Grace! I found mine!" Simon's voice echoed throughout the empty mall.

Shoot! She got carried away. "Coming!" Grace darted out of the dressing rooms to hunt for an ideal store for Simon when her eyes landed on glass doors labeled 'Books-a-Bunch.' Perfect! Nearly sliding in her sneakers, she quickly skimmed through the shelves to find a book he might like. A war book might match his interest in military dioramas, but it was tempting to grab one of the fantasy books for him.

"Grace?" he called again.

"Just a minute!" She began to panic, wondering what would be unique and special to Simon. Her eyes darted between the history and fantasy sections of the store, when she caught a glimpse of a completely different section that switched a light bulb on. Grabbing a book quickly, she scampered out and raced down the escalators to nearly knock into him.

"Hey! Did you get changed?" Simon asked as he scanned her new outfit.

"Uh, yeah! Wanted to try a new look," Grace gasped for a breath with a smile. "Anyways, happy birthday, Simon." She handed him the book she found in the store. He flipped through the pages for a few moments, only to look up perplexed.

"It's empty?" he questioned.

"Yeah, because it's for you to write in, silly," Grace teased. "I figured you could get any book you wanted in this car, but now you can write your own!" She rested her hands on her hips, anxiously awaiting his response.

"Oh, cool! Thank you," Simon exclaimed as he hugged the book to his chest, and Grace felt herself fill with pride. "Speaking of which, happy birthday, Grace." He reached into his pocket to present his gift to Grace.

It was a tube of red lipstick.

At first a bitter taste entered her mouth upon seeing it, reminded of how she was scolded for stealing her mother's makeup.

"Is it bad?" Nerves laced Simon's voice. The last thing Grace wanted to do was make Simon upset, however, the expectation to be a 'proper young girl' for her mother was hard to shake.

But then she realized her mother wasn't here, and she could give it a much better use. "No, it's perfect actually! Come here."

She drew the red wave on each of their faces that stood out as brightly as the conductor's helmet did in her mind since the first day she got on the train.

The Apex was born, and Grace birthday couldn't have been happier.

Chapter Text

November 10th was Grace's birthday, but it had been so long since she'd seen a calendar she had almost forgotten. Now that she was off the train, her parents had reminded her that it was coming up.

"Oh, is it?" she asked politely. 

"Yes, you'll have to get prepared for it," her mother answered. "We want to celebrate how much progress you've made."

"Oh, thanks," Grace said quietly. The train had dropped her off at the police station she ran away from so many years ago, and against her better judgement, Grace let the officer call her parents to take her home. While she resented them, they did help get her reoriented with the present day as well as catch her up with her education. The practical part of her knew that she couldn't just go out into the world by herself, that this was temporary until she found a way to be on her own. But it felt like there was another Grace, a true one that was screaming and clawing its way to be let out. 

"What, are you not excited?" her father asked. "You used to beg us to join the parties we had when you were a little girl."

"Yes, I remember you even tried on my clothes on. Ooh, a daughter trying to be like her mother!" Her mother chuckled as if she didn't scold Grace for doing so in the first place.

Grace bit back a retort on the tip of her tongue. "Well, I just don't remember everyone is all," she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. 

"Darling, it's alright," her mother said; she seemed fond of that term ever since Grace returned, despite the unnatural way it rolled off her tongue. The sound of it was akin to trying to start a fire with wet tinder. "We'll have you ready in no time."

"But-"

"No, buts, you will have a 20th birthday party!"

And that was final. 

When the night finally came for the party, Grace had been all set with an outfit. It was a scarlet dress with a high neckline that hugged her sides, a black sash tied in a bow across the waist. She pushed a strand of her now straightened hair behind her ear, trying to enjoy the way her little golden earrings dangled brightly. She was turning 20, she should have been happy, but...

"Oh, you look just like your mother!" Her father complimented as both parents entered. The confirmation was enough to make Grace want to throw up. It made sense, considering Grace's mother picked her hairstyle and approved the dress and shoes before she bought it, after all.

"Thanks," Grace answered shyly. Her voice never felt so quiet as after she returned home. 

"Oh, look at my little girl. All grown up into a beautiful young lady," her mother preened as she brushed some of Grace's hair back. "I thought I would never get to see this day." Her voice slightly hitched at the end of the sentence. Was her mother getting choked up?

Sighing, Grace took her mother's hand against her best judgement. "Mom, it's okay," she soothed. "Let's just...enjoy this."

Her mother sniffled and plastered a smile onto her face. "Alright, let's go, darling." Glancing at her reflection in the mirror one more time, Grace stifled a frown and followed her parents. Once they reached the staircase, her father abruptly stopped at the aperture to the open room.

"Everyone, if I may have your attention, please," her father called out. Grace tried to peer over his shoulder on her tip toes, her black flats chafing the sides of her feet. "As you all know, it has been a hard nine-and-a-half years for us." Grace always rounded up to ten, she didn't see what difference half a year made. "But I would like to introduce you to someone that you all know. Here, who is now 20 years old, is my daughter, Grace Monroe." Grace was ushered out by her mother, and could barely believe her eyes as they watched down the staircase.

The lights glared off the chandelier into Grace's eyes, nearly blinding her. Dozens of faces down below blurred together; some people were were applauding, others were holding up champagne glasses. The poised clamor from below mixed in with the ambient piano playing in the background, the combined noises somehow muting Grace's internal dialogue.

"Come on, let's greet your guests," her mother encouraged her with a saccharine grin, and Grace let herself be led off, too dazed to argue. It was a weird, dizzying feeling being introduced to each of the guests as she smiled wanly and said meaningless thank yous. Most of them were people her parent's age, and she wasn't sure if it was more comforting or isolating that they were the only people here for her birthday.

The faux-pleasantry was awful, she almost wished she had her raid mask on so she wouldn't have to keep pretending to smile. Simon had made it for her that same birthday she found the gravity boots for him to modify, around when the Apex got more serious about their train car attacks. It still baffled Grace how after everything they had been through together, all the perils and laughs and birthdays spent foraging gifts for each other, he flipped on her so easily, going from her best friend for life to her almost-killer.

But killer or not, at least he didn't pretend to care towards the end, unlike these strangers who purported to hold her in high regard.

At one point her mother broke off from her parade to speak more in depth with one of the guests, giving Grace a window to break off. Eventually she found solace in the appetizer table, shoving crackers in her mouth as if it would help her relax. Even though they tasted sandy against her tongue, Grace finally released a breath she was holding in.

"Grace?" Of course her brief moment of tranquility was shattered. Grace hunched her shoulders and turned around to see a group of four girls, closer to her age. 
It was her old dance troupe.

"Oh, hi," Grace sputtered, brushing the crumbs off her dress. Itchy polyester brushed against her sweaty palms.

"Hi? You've been gone almost ten years and all you can say is hi?" Chloe said with a dry chuckle and reached in for a hug. "Come here."

"Oh, um, okay?" Grace reluctantly reciprocated. She may as well have hugged a utility pole, it was so stiff. "I didn't know you all were coming."

"Our parents-" Brittany started before being elbowed harshly by Chloe. "I mean, we wanted to surprise you."

Guilt churned in Grace's stomach. "That was nice. Look, about what happened at the recital, I'm really sorry-"

"No need to apologize," Shayna interrupted with an open palm held up. "Water under the bridge. We just thought it would be nice to see you after all this time." 

"You did?" Grace couldn't help the question. 

"You were apart of our group, so we wanted to check back in," Diane said, bizarrely enough. They all stared at her with polite smiles, almost fidgety as if they were waiting for the conversation to end. Given Grace's mutual distaste with her peers, it was strange that they would fake friendliness so long after the ice cream incident. The memory was noxious in her mind, but it didn't permeate as much as when she retold it to Hazel. She could still feel the warmth of the girl holding her hand, saying she knew what it was like to have no friends.

Hazel, the one that made Grace realize lying was how you lose your friends and yourself. The one she never got to celebrate a birthday with.

What would she think of Grace now?

Grace wasn't sure if it was the bleary lights, the distracting background chatter, the itchy dress, or the weariness of keeping up a facade, but she made the grave mistake of being blunt. "No, I wasn't."

Shayna blinked a few times. "Grace," she said, almost urgently. "Yes you were, you were in our dance class, of course you were part of our group."

"Well, I was in the same class, but it wasn't like we were friends," Grace scoffed shakily. "You never talked to me during practice, you never sat with me during snack break, you didn't even ask me to get ice cream with you all after our recital."

The girls looked at each other uncomfortably. "Well, your parents weren't there to take you to the parlor, so we thought you couldn't make it," Brittany mumbled. 

"So it didn't occur to any of you to ask if I needed a ride? All of you barely looked at me when I came into that parlor," Grace nearly spat, somehow still keeping her voice low.

"Grace, that was forever ago, aren't you being a bit dramatic?" Diane hinted. "I mean, I barely remember it, so-"

"Of course you don't remember it, it wasn't your feelings that got hurt," Grace cut off, nails digging into her palms.

"Hey, it was you who started that fight," Chloe argued. So much for water under the bridge.

"I was trying to apologize," Grace fought back. "At least I'm trying to own up to what I did."

"Oh, yeah, because you're soooo much better than us," Shayna rolled her eyes. "I thought you changed, but apparently not."

"That's not what I-you know what? I have to go. Have a good night, or whatever," Grace spun on her heel to find the bathroom.

 
"Hey, wait! Don't run away from us!" Shayna grabbed grace on the arm where her number used to be, the grip searing.

"Leave me ALONE!" Grace snapped, yanking her arm out of Shayna's grasp. All the chatter halted abruptly, and Grace realized dozens of eyes were staring at her.  Two servers wheeling out a tray of sheet cake were the only clear figures in the faceless crowd. Her throat felt dry, and she barely registered her mother dragging her out of the main hall until the door clicked in her room upstairs.

"Grace, what in the world was that?" her mother barked, a tone Grace hadn't heard the whole time she had moved back in.

"It was those girls! They were being fake with me, I was trying to walk away but they wouldn't leave me alone," Grace tried to explain.

"I don't care what it was, you go down there and apologize."

"What, no! They were being mean."

"Ugh, Grace, we organize this whole party for you, and you don't even appreciate it," her mother sneered. "Are you even grateful for what we do for you?"

"Of course I am!" Grace shouted defensively, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

"Then you are not to return until you apologize."

"But, mom-"

"And that's. Final." Her mother turned and shut the door just shy of a slam, leaving Grace alone in her room. She stomped to jump on her bed when she saw a small box at the foot of it. Picking it up, she read the small card attached to it: 

To: Grace

Our lovely young lady

Good to have you home

Mom and Dad

Flicking the card aside she opened the box and paused. A teardrop shaped turquoise hung on an elegant gold chain. A little card came with it, labeled 'turquoise: love, peace, protection, healing.' Grace couldn't help but carefully remove the necklace from the box, holding it against her neck as she saw how the stranger in the mirror would look with it on.

She angrily cast it to the floor, diving headfirst into her bed and screaming into her pillows. Her parents may as well have given her a golden pair of shackles.

She never apologized to Shayna, too busy weeping in her room for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

It was October when Grace noticed Ryan and Min-Gi were acting weird.

While things had mostly settled into a new normal after Grace formally moved in with Ryan and Min-Gi, things had gotten quiet after September passed. They didn't see each other as much since Grace got a new job that required her to work nights, but even in the brief instances when they were all together, the two men almost seemed...avoidant?

The most glaring example was after Grace got home from a pretty hefty shift, locking the door behind her silently. She was about to head for the shower when she heard hushed voices by the now forbidden office. (ceiling leak, according to Ryan, who still went in and out of the room anyway). She leaned against the wall to see how long it would take the hunched over Ryan and Min-Gi to notice her.

"...we just can't tell her," Ryan whispered.

"Tell me what?" Grace asked, prompting both of them to jump as they turned to face her.

"Oh! Grace, hello," Min said nervously. "Didn't see you there."

"Is everything okay?" Grace drawled. "Something you wanna tell me?" 

"Uhhh, no?" Ryan said, more a question than a sentence.

"Well, you said you can't tell me something," she continued flatly. 

Min's mouth made an 'o' shape before he bellowed, "OHHH! That! Well, you see, um, Ryan and I...got into a fight."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes," Ryan agreed a little too quickly. "We just didn't wanna put you in the middle."

"Well, what was the fight about?"

"Uhhh...the room!" Min said a little too loudly. "Yeah, we were disagreeing on how to deal with the...roach problem in there."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Because I thought there was a leak problem."

Ryan and Min stared at each other in horror. "Well, yes, but at further inspection we think there might be bugs," Ryan wiggled his fingers.

"Yup! Big, nasty bugs, ahaha," Min chuckled nervously as Ryan elbowed him in the gut.

"Okayyyyy," Grace drawled. "Well, I wanted to ask you something about next week-"

"Oh look at the time! It's late," Ryan blurted as he tugged Min backwards into their bedroom. "We should get some sleep, so should you, maybe we'll talk tomorrow good niiight!"

"But-" The door slammed before she could get another word out. Sighing, she looked at the covered bird cage. "You think they're hiding something?" A squawk from under the cage was her only answer. Sighing, Grace plopped on the couch when her phone buzzed.

Brie: u wanna hit the mall on sunday?

Grace looked up from her phone to Ryan and Min's room, and then turned back to the screen.

Grace: sure

Brie: sweet! I'll pick u up at 2?

Grace: sounds good

And before Grace knew it, another week passed of Ryan and Min-Gi being jumpy and quiet and Brie was picking up Grace.

"Hey, Ryan and Min have been acting weird lately," Grace mentioned offhandedly, not able to contain herself. "Do you think something's wrong?"

"I don't think so, no," Brie shrugged. "Do you?"

"Well, it's just been a few months since the whole thing since my parents and...I don't know, they've been dodgy lately." She omitted the part that her birthday was tomorrow.

"Well," Brie breathed as she locked up her car and walked towards the mall entrance. "Maybe you could talk to them when we get back from the mall?"

They did have a point; Ryan and Min seemed pretty open to talking about things, unlike Grace's parents, which felt like walking on nuclear eggshells. She smiled, "Okay."

"So," Brie chirped as they approached the massive mall map. "Where to?"

Grace trilled her lips, eyes scanning the map. It was even bigger than the mall car, if that was even possible. She needed to strategize.

"I think I have a plan." And she took off with Brie in tow, an idea fresh in her mind. One that she had gotten at around her eleventh birthday.

A couple hours and many miscellaneous trinkets later, Brie asked, "What are you getting all this random stuff for, anyway?"

"Oh! Just, um, things that remind me of people, that's all," Grace shrugged. 

"Are they gifts?" they continued while shuffling through a rack of shirts.

Grace's mind wandered to her very first birthday tradition. "Something like that."

"Well, why don't you get something for yourself?" Brie suggested. Grace made a committal noise. "Come on! Get something nice for yourself."

Grace hummed to herself. It felt weird getting herself a birthday present, especially since she didn't know what was going on back home. She was hesitant to remind everyone of her birthday in fear of sounding needy. It was an easy date to remember, but if they didn't...

"Alright, just give me a sec." Brie beamed in silent victory as Grace rummaged through the racks until eventually she found a shirt she gravitated towards. "Okay, let's go!"

"That's just one shirt," they teased.

"I just have a feeling about this one." Grace shrugged as she raced off to the dressing rooms. Soon she had the shirt on, and looked up at her reflection in the dressing room mirror. She wore a flouted, off-the-shoulder, orange blouse patterned with pale blue stars, contrasting her denim purple shorts. She pushed her now shoulder-length locs behind her ear; maybe she'll tie it half up to make it dressier. Either way, it was the most content she felt looking in a mirror in a long time; no arrogance nor disgust, just contentment.

"You good?" Brie called from the next door over.

"Yeah," Grace bolted out the dressing room door. "I got my shirt, let's head back."

"Woah, that was quick."

"Told you I had a feeling."

The car ride to the record store was mostly silent, Grace bouncing her leg. Her thumb rubbed against the plastic bag containing all her purchases, antsy for her recipients to get them. When the car pulled into the parking lot, Grace put a hand on Brie's shoulder. "Brie, wait."

They turned, looking surprised. "Yeah?"

Grace took a deep breath. "So I used to have this friend as a kid, and we used to share birthdays and give each other gifts at the same time. So," She pulled a Hot Wheels car, a blue lightning bolt adorning it's body. "This is for Julian." She then tentatively handed Brie a pair of earrings. They were the same shapes as view finders on a Ouija board, each one saying 'hello' and 'goodbye' respectively. "I know you like horror stuff so..."

"Oh, Grace! You didn't have to do that," Brie squealed in delight, taking out her current earrings to put in the new ones. "I love them, thank you!" She pulled Grace into a hug. Grace would've felt warm, if not for the part where Brie said nothing about Grace doing this on her birthday.

"Yeah, don't mention it," she whispered dryly before letting go and getting out of the car. As the two walked out of the car and towards the glass doors, Grace added, "And, thank you. For everything today."

A sly grin crossed Brie's face. "Might not wanna thank me just yet." And with that, they opened the doors with a flourish.

"SURPRISE!" The scream rattled Grace along with a cacophony of kazoos buzzed in the air. Min, Ryan, Julian, and 2 other of Brie's friends were tooting party blowers, the streamer part retreating back and forth. Even Kez flapped her gray wings from her bird perch excitedly. Rainbows of streamers hung down from the ceiling, nearly tangling her as she walked into the store. 

"What?" Grace managed, turning back to Brie who smiled knowingly.

"Happy birthday, ya goofus!" Ryan exclaimed as he slung an arm over Grace's shoulders. "Welcome to your surprise party!"

Grace's eyes widened. "My WHAT?" Brie scooped up Julian, who placed a plastic tiara on her head.

"We got all sorts of things for you!" Min announced. The horizontal shelves filled with CDs got pushed to the side to have an open floor, complete with several card tables in the back. Aluminum trays and multicolored boxes stacked high against the streamer and balloon covered walls. "We got board games, card games, music, those weird party games you get at Party City. Plus we did all our food potluck style so you can eat a bunch of different things, and we can open gifts whenever you want!" Min finished his spiel and looked up at her with hopeful, crinkled eyes. "Do you like it?"

Grace stepped around the room, observing it more clearly. Candid photos covered some of the posters on the walls, the ink on some of them streaky. All of them contained frozen moments of the past few months she spent here. Grace, Ryan, and Min chasing Kez as she attacked the lens of the camera. Ryan and Grace getting into a hose fight while gardening. Min-Gi and Grace trading sunglasses and acting fake-cool. Brie showing Grace how the controls on the soundboard worked at their college radio station. Kez hiding in Grace's fanny pack while she points a finger at her. Some of them was of just Grace by herself, smiling or posing, but her biggest smile was the photo of her, Min, and Ryan wearing the 'Chicken Choice Judy' shirts; it was taken right after she declared them her family.

She turned back towards the room's occupants, eyes threatening wetness. "I...I" everyone in the room looked at her expectantly. Sweat began to drip down her palms. "I'll be right back," she managed with a forced smile as she discretely dashed for the storage room door. Trying her best not to slam it, she turned her back against the wall and forced deep breaths. Eventually she slumped to the floor, grateful for the dim lights and cool concrete walls.

She blew it.

Three knocks rattled the door. "Hey, Grace, you doing alright?" It was Min's voice, soft and unsure. Grace peeked up from the crevice between her arms to find his face peering in through the crack of the door, watching her carefully. After a moment of her staying silent, he entered the room and clicked the door quietly behind him. "It's been a little while, so I wanted to make sure you were okay." She looked up at him now,patting the spot next to her for him to sit; he barely hesitated before settling down next to her.

"Listen, I get if the party isn't your taste," Min sighed while scratching the back of his neck. "Ryan and I didn't know what to do, so we got a bunch of different things so you would enjoy at least one thing. I wasn't sure about inviting more people, but Ryan didn't wanna overwhelm you by introducing his family in the same day. It was all meant to be light and fun, but it's probably really bad-"

"Min, it's not bad!" Grace blurted, tears welling in her eyes. "It's perfect, and that's the problem."

Min's eyes widened with disbelief. "What?"

"Ever since I decided to stay with you guys permanently, it feels like I've been waiting for things to blow up in my face and go wrong again. And when you were all quiet this month, I thought," Grace caught her breath and lowered her head. "I thought I made you mad. But then you did this whole thing for me and it-I was mad at you but now I feel like I can't be mad because it's so nice."

"Oh, no, Grace," Min cooed as he sat down next to her. "We weren't trying to ignore you, we just wanted to make your first birthday here special was all." Guilt pooled in his eyes. "I didn't know what you needed, because everything ended so abruptly with your parents, and I didn't want to smother you since you're an adult, but..." Grace interrupted him with a hand on his face.

"I don't want you to assume what I need. Just talk to me," Grace cracked sincerely. "I like that you guys talk to me, don't leave me in the dark."

Tears began to well up in Min's eyes, and he chuckled softly. "I'm sorry, Grace. And...it's okay to be mad at us. I wouldn't blame you if you still were."

"Come here, you old weirdo," Grace giggled with melancholy as she tackled him into a hug. Min returned the laugh and embrace, not letting up until Grace did. "I should probably go out there."

"Only if your ready," Min mentioned kindly. "Don't force yourself back out just because you wanna make me happy."

An invisible weight removed itself from Grace's chest. The two sat still, letting the minutes tick by. Once they were at minute five, Grace wiped whatever tear stains were under her eyes, and gave him a small smile. "Okay, now I wanna go out."

Min grinned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." The two hoisted themselves up, and with a deep breath, Grace pushed the door open. Everyone looked at her expectantly. Picking one of the party blowers, she tooted a long noise. "What? I thought this was a party!" She snatched Julian out of Brie's arms and spun him around, both of them giggling. The atmosphere immediately relaxed, the room practically sighed. Grace looked at Brie. "You knew about this?"

"Someone had to keep you out while the party was getting ready," Brie shrugged while reaching into her pocket. "Don't think I forgot about your birthday."

"Presents! Can she open presents?" Julian shouted excitedly.

"Hey, it's up to the birthday girl," Min said while watching Grace for an answer.

"Yeah, we can open presents," Grace conceded, poking Julian in the nose. "I'll even open yours first."

"Yay!" He cheered, nearly jumping out of Grace's arms and dashing for the gift table. He handed her a large, blue-wrapped box, which she tore open.

"Wow, an origami set!" Grace mused at the intro to origami kit. "Thank you so much, I'm gonna make so many paper animals for you." She reached down and gave him a hug.

"I may have gotten you something similar," Brie admitted while handing Grace a small cinch bag. She opened it and gasped.

"Oh my god, these are so cute!" Grace got to removing her current dangly earrings for the new paper crane shaped ones; the royal blue and gold stood out gorgeously. "Thanks!"

"Of course! Happy birthday," they reached in to hug Grace, who readily took it.

Min handed her a small wrapped rectangle. "This is for you!"

Grace ripped it open and read aloud, "Grace's Groovy Jams?"

"It's a mixtape," Min explained as Grace flipped over the CD case. "I included songs you like, plus a couple that I think might be your taste. You can play it in your car, or around the house, or wherever."

"That's really nice, thank you!" Grace complimented. "Can we play it right now?"

"Of course! Let me," Min took the CD and headed towards the player, leaving Ryan trodding over slowly. He handed Grace an orange gift bag with pink tissue paper sticking out the top.

"So my gift isn't a surprise because SOMEONE has a big mouth," Ryan implied while looking pointedly at Min.

"I was crying, give me a break!" Min complained. Grace ignored both of them with an eye-roll as she tore through the tissue paper of the bag. Once she reached the bottom, she paused.

"So when I turned 18, my dad gave this to me, and his dad had given it to him originally, so..." he trailed off as Grace pulled the brown leather jacket out of the gift bag. "I thought you should have it."

Grace slipped the jacket onto her shoulders, holding out her arms to get a feel for the fit. Her lip curled as her arms twisted back and forth in the sleeves.

"Is it...okay?" Ryan murmured, then broke into a nervous scoff. "I mean, it's alright if it's not your style, but-"

"No, I like it!" Grace exclaimed assuredly as she tugged at her sleeve. "I just feel bad it covers my tattoos."

Ryan brightened with relief. "Oh! Well, that's an easy fix. Come here," he beckoned. She held out her arms to him, and he began to neatly roll up the sleeves. "Glad you still like your ink."

"May as well get my money's worth, right?" Grace joked, and Ryan laughed more naturally. 

"That's a good one, I'm using that now" he said as he finished cuffing the sleeves at Grace's elbows. "So what do you think now?"

Grace half twirled to see how it would look with the rest of her outfit. While she wasn't a huge jacket person, the inner lining kept her warm and comfortable. Rolling up the sleeves fit the personality of her outfit more, showing off the sleeve of cranes, turtle shells, and flowers on her arm. 

"I love it!" Grace beamed excitedly, and Ryan's shoulders sagged with a tired smile. Less than a second later she dove in for a hug. "Thank you, Ryan."

"Of course," Ryan said sentimentally. "Happy birthday, G."

After a few prolonged seconds, Grace straightened up and put her hands on Ryan's shoulders. "You wanna dance?"

Ryan smiled. "I'd love to," he answered warmly. He pulled her to the empty part of the floor with rhythmic steps, causing Grace to giggle. He twirled Grace around, and she did it likewise. The rest of the party goers joined, dancing and singing and eating and laughing the rest of the night.

Grace left the rest of the contents of the plastic bag unrevealed. She had all the time in the world to show them.

Chapter Text

The sun filtering through the blinds tickled Grace's eyes, causing her to blink them open. Rubbing her face, she sat up from the couch where she slept. She pulled aside the blanket covering the bird cage to say good morning to Kez, but found no bird inside. Maybe Ryan and Min got to feeding her first?

Speaking of which, her foot kicked the plastic bag from yesterday. It stared at her, waiting for its contents to be revealed...

No, she'll play it by ear. Stretching to her feet, Grace walked into the kitchen to hear what was the most off-key chorus in her life:

"Happy birthday to you," Ryan and Min-Gi sang, somehow wavering with each note. Kez was happily chirping along. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Grace, happy birthday to you!"

Grace smiled softly as she approached them at the kitchen table. "Guys, I thought we celebrated my birthday yesterday."

"Never too much celebration!" Ryan declared. "Besides, your birthday's on a Monday, so we figured we'd try to make it less of a bummer."

"Did you forget I had no concept of time for like, 10 years?" she smirked.

"Of course not, I was on the same train as you, dingus," Ryan teased as he poked her cheek, and she ruffled his hair back.

"Come on, eat your food before it gets cold," Min admonished. "It took me forever to get those pancakes right." Three plates sat on the table, one containing a golden brown short stack of chocolate chip pancakes with a birthday candle in it, and the other 2 placeholders for the rejects. The pancakes on there were colored pasty white to burnt charcoal, ranging from oblongs to o-shapes to what looked like a misshapen bird.

"How long were you guys up?" Grace asked as she took a seat.

"Long enough," Min sighed, a stray strand of hair falling in his face. "I'm not a pancake guy."

"Min, calling yourself a breakfast guy is generous," Ryan rolled his eyes as he poured milk into his mug of decaf coffee. 

Min waved his spatula defensively. "Hey, I worked at a diner for almost a year!"

"Doesn't mean you were good at it."

Grace leaned down to where Kez was perched on a bowl of fruit. "Kez, what's your opinion?" Instead of an answer, she lunged to snatch Grace's pancakes off her fork. "Hey, those are mine!" 

"Ah-ah! You gotta make a wish first before you eat!" Ryan wagged a finger. Looking at him with faux-exasperation, Grace paused before dramatically blowing out her candle. "WOOO!"

"What's got you home anyway?" Grace questioned before shoving the fork in her mouth. "Doesn't the shop open soon?"

Min and Ryan looked at each other before darting their eyes back to Grace. Ryan started, "We..."

"We wanted to show you something first," Min finished.

Grace looked at them and dropped her fork. "Alright." They stared her. "Are you gonna show me, or what?"

Min blinked rapidly. "What, like now?"

"I mean, did you want me to wait?"

"I mean," Min rubbed his thumb and forefinger together. "We were gonna wait until after breakfast, but if you wanna see it now-"

"Oh, Min, let's just show her, for fuck's sake," Ryan said, exasperated. He turned to Grace. "You're gonna need to stand up for this one."

Unsure, Grace pushed her chair out and stood. "Now what?"

"Okay, close your eyes." Grace closed them. "You're not looking?"

"Nope."

"Are you sure?"

"Ryan!"

"What, no peeking!"

"I'm not, I'm not!" she laughed, putting her hands over her eyes to prove her point.

"Alright," she heard Min's voice. "Walk slowly, we'll guide you." She felt two sets of hands on her shoulders, ushering her as she was shuffled through the hallway of the house. After hearing a soft click, she hear Ryan's voice say, "Okay, open your eyes." Grace uncovered her face, eyes gaping wide.

It was the office she was forbidden from entering. But there were no leaks, or bugs, or any other appliance-related issues apparent. Instead it had new furniture inside. A queen sized bed sat flush in the corner left of the window, adjacent to a desk and chair. A wooden dresser drawer and empty clothing rack stood in the back, and white pained shelves stood on the remaining wall.

"We thought you deserved an upgrade from the couch," Ryan explained, almost timid. 

"This is my room?" Grace gasped, as if there was a mistake.

"Yeah, it is," Min reassured her. "And we thought since you don't have work tonight, we could spend the day helping you decorate it how you want. We closed the store for today so we can go shopping for stuff with you."

Grace stood there with her mouth agape, unsure of what to say. Sentence after sentence floated in her mind, rifling through the perfect words to describe how she felt before she tossed them out the window and dove in for a hug.

"Woah, hey," Ryan said as he reached to hug Grace back. "It's alright."

"No, it's not!" Grace said into Min's shirt.

"What?" Min's voice pitched in worry.

"You can't just throw me a surprise party, make me pancakes, give me my own room, skip work to spend time with me, and expect me to be alright!" she cried, jovial tears now soaking both their shirts.

"Aww, G, honey," Ryan soothed as both his and Min's shoulders relaxed. "You're gonna make both of us choke up."

"That's what you get," she hiccuped, shaking with a tiny laugh, the others joining. She leaned back from the hug and wiped her eyes. "Okay, okay. Let me shower and then we can head out."

Thirty minutes later, they were perusing the vast expanse of Bed, Bath and Beyond.

"Where did you guys get all that furniture anyway?" Grace asked as she walked down the store aisles.

"Oh, all kinds of places," Ryan explained. "You'd be surprised the stuff people wanna give away online."

"Yeah, I almost thought we should've told you our plan in case something happened to us during pick ups," Min mentioned.

"I know you're paranoid about the internet, but I don't think it was THAT bad," Ryan teased while bumping Min's elbow.

"You never know!" he argued. "What if someone wanted to get a ransom on the beloved CCJ?"

"We have to be famous first, genius."

"We got played on the radio recently."

"College radio."

"We're going on tour!"

"As the opening band!"

"Ryan," Grace said playfully. "Are you doubting the success of your beloved band?"

"What, no! I never doubted CCJ, I just-AUGH!" Ryan squawked defensively, getting Min to bark out a laugh. He groaned, "You're lucky it's your birthday, otherwise I'd be more annoyed at you stirring the pot."

"I'm not stirring any pots," Grace said innocently. "I don't even cook-" her sentence stopped as she bumped into Min. 

He froze mid aisle and gasped. "Oh my god."

"What?" Grace prodded.

"Grace," he said slowly before turning around, holding an oversized teddy bear in front of his face. "How do you feel about bringing home a buddy?"

Ryan squealed, "OOH! Min's right, G, you need a snuggle buddy!"

Grace raised her eyebrow skeptically. "A snuggle buddy?"

"Yeah! Something to hug to keep you warm at night," Ryan noted as he picked up a fuzzy sloth. "Don't you want something to cuddle?"

"Well, do you have a snuggle buddy?" Grace asked with air quotes.

"Yeah, his name's Min-Gi," Ryan said casually.

"Ryan!" Min crowed indignantly, blushing furiously. The only response Ryan gave was sticking out his tongue and scrunching his nose mischievously, batting Min lightly with the sloth's arms. Min twisted his head before regaining composure, taking his husband by the shoulders and shaking him lightly.

"Guys, I appreciate the gesture, but I'm 21. I don't think I need a-" she cut herself off when something on the shelf stopped her in her tracks. Round bead eyes locked with hers, and soon she found herself staring with a green, plush turtle. Grace gingerly picked it up from where it sat on its stomach, the fur-like texture of the toy softening against her fingers.

"Find something you like?" Min asked from over her shoulder.

She knew the obvious reason for the attachment to the plushie, but didn't feel ready to say it. "Maybe, I don't know."

"You can hold it for a bit," Ryan suggested. "Get a feel for it."

Slowly, Grace hugged its cushioned body against her chest. "Maybe I will."

Holding that turtle made the rest of shopping a breeze. The three of them nearly collapsed lugging their purchases into her new room.

"Whew," Ryan wiped the sweat off his brow. "We got a lot in there."

"I feel bad we didn't get as many decorations for the walls, though," Min said despondently.

"Well, I just thought we could use the photos from the party," Grace shrugged.

Min's eyes brightened. "Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He went quiet a moment before smiling. "I don't know, I guess it never occurred to me."

"I'll go grab them!" Ryan exclaimed before bolting out of the room.

Grace looked up at Min and grinned. "How about we get to work?"

He returned the look. "I'd be more than happy to."

The three of them got into an easy rhythm: Min-Gi made the bed, Ryan hung the pictures on the walls, and Grace moved her belongings from the living room to her new drawers. Having multiple people made it go by faster, and Grace got so focused on her task she almost forgot what the room originally looked like. She went into the living room to retrieve the last of her items from the couch, when her foot once more nudged the plastic bag. Picking it up, she stared at it's contents.

"Grace, I think we're done!" Min called. Startled, she looked back to where they were, and then back down at the bag.

She tied it to her fanny pack and walked back. "Coming!" She answered.

"Wait wait! Open the door on three!" Ryan blurted, and Grace slowed down to the closed door. 

"Okayyyy," she said.

"Alright, one, two, three!" the two men said, and Grace opened the door wide open.

The best way to describe how the room looked was warm. The bubblegum colored shag rug complemented the orange and pink striped bedspread. A sunset hued lava lamp sat on the far side of her desk, while a regular purple shaded lamp was closer to her bed. One of the old stereos from the record store sat flush to the windowsill, Grace's CD from Min shelved next to it. Deep orange curtains flowed around the window itself, embroidered with subtle stars. The photos from the party scattered on all walls of the room, the one with the CCJ shirts right above her bed. 

"What do you think?" Min asked.

Grace slowly approached the bed, promptly flopping on it. She practically sank on the cloud-like cushion. "It's perfect." She spotted where her new turtle was nestled, and found it had a friend. "Okay, who got this?" She held up the round, yellow, squishy chicken.

Min looked at Ryan, who put his hands up in surrender. "I just thought your friend needed a friend for when you go out." He paused. "Plus there were no cranes or cockatiels." Another beat of silence. "Also it was just too cute to ignore."

"Sure, whatever," Grace scoffed, and then softened. "Hey, there's something I wanna show you guys."

Ryan and Min looked at each other before turning back towards Grace. "Okay, shoot."

Grace sat up on her bed cross-legged, the other two following on either side of her. "So when I was on the train, Simon and I had this tradition where we would share a birthday. We'd pick a random day that felt right, and scavenge to give each other one present." She untied the bag from her pack and reached in. "This first one is for Kez."

"Oh, she's gonna drive us nuts with this," Ryan chuckled as she held up the silver bell, dangling it to where Kez sat on his shoulder. She bit the middle part and began to ring it. "I think she says thank you."

Grace smiled. "This next one's for Min-Gi." She dangled a key chain in front of his face.

"Aw, look! It's a mini keyboard," Min awed.

"Not just a mini keyboard," Grace pointed out. "Click the keys."

"The keys?" Min stared at it, confuddled. "Why would I press the-" He gasped mid sentence when his thumb pressed a hidden button and a beam of light came out from the side. "It's a flashlight! Oh, I love practical gifts!" He waved it back and forth, giddy as kid in a candy store.

"I thought you would," Grace said, proud of herself. She reached into the bag once more to drop small items into Ryan's hands. "And last but not least, Ryan."

He held the objects up to the light to see what they were. "Guitar picks! Sweet," he smiled neutrally.

"Turn them around," she made a circle motion with her finger.

Flipping them over, his smile brightened! "Oh nice! This one's got Bowie, this one's the Clash, and..." he lingered, corners of his mouth falling down. "Where did you find a YMO pick?"

"This music store at the mall, some guy had a bunch of older stuff he was trying to get out of stock," Grace explained shyly. "Do you like it?"

"Like it? Like it?" Ryan said with increasing volume before tackling Grace. "I love it!"

"I love mine too!" Min joined in on the dogpile, all three of them giggling maniacally. "Grace you didn't have to do this for us."

"You didn't have to do all this for me either," Grace reminded him. "Thank you so much!"

"Of course! We just wanted to make you feel at home," Ryan poked her on the nose. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"I did," Grace smiled, which faltered a little after seeing the remaining contents in the bag. "Hey, I'm gonna do something in the yard, I'll be right back, okay?"

"Oh! Yeah of course," Min said as he and Ryan sat up, perching Kez on his finger. "Let us know if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," Grace whispered, and without another word took the bag and went outside.

The first thing she removed was a plastic toy soldier. She knelt down and hollowed out a hole in the dirt with a stick before gingerly burying the toy. "Happy birthday, Simon." Next, she climbed up the tall oak tree, and after a few attempts was able to reach the knot in the middle. She placed a smooth rock with golden text that read 'courage' on it. "Happy birthday, Tuba." Finally, she lowered herself to one of the shorter, thicker branches. She ripped open a pack of glow in the dark silly bands, keeping one and wrapping the rest around the branch. "Happy birthday, Hazel. I'm sorry for everything." She let the silence speak for itself, waiting a minute before completely climbing down the tree. 

As she walked up the porch steps, she saw Ryan sitting on the bench, playing his guitar with one of his new picks. "How are they?"

"Work like a charm," he grinned, and she gave him a soft smile. He patted the seat next to him, and she sat down on it. "You do everything you wanted to do?"

"I think so yeah." Grace let the wind speak for a moment before she opened her mouth again. "Can I tell you something weird?"

"Sure," Ryan said as he lowered his pick. "What's up?"

Grace took a deep breath. "So, I'm still trying to get used to all this, I guess. I was really happy with how we celebrated, I always wanted people around who liked me for me, but..." she stared at her shoes kicking the ground from the porch swing. "I guess I never thought it would be, quiet I guess? Am I making sense?"

Ryan looked at Grace and sighed. "When Min and I were kids, we always dreamed about playing New York City. Big stage, bright lights, millions fans, all that jazz. And when we were on the train, there was this car where we were supposed to play a party at, but Min got cold feet." He removed the guitar strap from around his neck. "At first I was mad, but then I saw he was scared. He got nervous that we wouldn't make it, so he thought he shouldn't even try." He looked at the YMO pick. "But I told him we just gotta do it. You never know until you try. We played in the bathroom the rest of the night. And since then we've played a lot bigger shows, but..." he looked at Grace. "I think that performance is the one I remember most."

Grace looked at him a moment before resting her head on his shoulder. "I love you guys."

"We love you too, kiddo," Ryan said as he wrapped an arm around Grace.

"I'm not a kiddo," she mumbled. "I'm 21."

"You are! That's just a kiddo when you get to my age," he joked, and they stuck their tongues at each other.

"Hey, you two!" Min called as he opened the door from inside. "Got some kimchi fried rice, leftover birthday cake, and some movies if you wanna come in?" He said it more like a suggestion, not wanting to disturb them.

Grace smiled at Ryan before turning back to Min-Gi. "Is the fried rice extra spicy?"

"Just how you like it," he proclaimed. 

"Dude! My mouth is gonna die," Ryan protested weakly as he stood up.

"Oh is it? How about I make it better," Min teased before pecking Ryan on the lips. "Now come in, it's getting chilly." After the two entered the house, Grace took one last look at the yard before blowing a kiss to it and going inside.

She slept soundly with her turtle that night, giving it a necklace that was the last turtle shaped silly band.