Chapter Text
That night, the sextuplets sat around the table and scarfed down their dinner like a pack of starving wolves. The curry their mother had made was delicious (and Choromatsu and Todomatsu smiled smugly at their brothers as Matsuyo praised them for helping, but the others were too hungry and eager to eat to glare at them as scornfully as they ordinarily would have).
During the meal, Choromatsu settled back and ate quietly, observing the animated conversation and playful bickering going on around him more than participating in it. He didn’t have much to say, but at that moment, he felt… okay, which was a vast improvement over how he’d felt when he’d woken up that morning. Maybe he wasn’t feeling entirely fine, but he would accept anything he could get, and to not be constantly battling off his negative thoughts and plummeting sense of self-worth as he sat there and pretended that nothing was wrong was a relief. It felt equally nice to have such a healthy appetite that night too–he ate a heaping portion of curry and rice and even helped himself to a little more, something that was rare for him anymore. He didn’t take for granted being able to eat without it making his stomach hurt.
“So what did everyone do today?” Osomatsu asked, after swallowing his last bite of curry and reaching over to scoop himself another hefty serving. “Anything interesting happen to anyone?”
“Does it ever?” Ichimatsu remarked, taking a sip of water and glancing questioningly at Osomatsu over the rim of his glass.
“C’mon, I’m just asking, trying to make conversation.” Osomatsu shoveled a huge bite into his mouth, then spoke with his mouth full as he prompted, “Anyone?”
Todomatsu flinched, patting his mouth clean with a napkin. “Mouth closed, please,” he chastised with a disgusted sneer, to which Osomatsu responded by sticking out his tongue and smirking devilishly. “Anyway. I got coffee with a couple of friends, and then my friend Atsushi texted me about a mixer tomorrow night. So I probably won’t be home for dinner then to scold you for your lack of table manners, Osomats-niisan.”
Even as he delivered the pointed dig at the eldest brother, Todomatsu cut a discreet glance in Choromatsu’s direction, a secretive smile flickering briefly across his mouth. Choromatsu smiled back just as subtly, understanding the message clearly. Good luck with Atsushi tomorrow, he hoped his look conveyed back, but he was sure Todomatsu knew anyway.
“A mixer?” Osomatsu repeated with interest, after gulping down the bite of curry. “Any chance you could score me an invite this time, too?”
“As if!” Todomatsu scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Not after you totally humiliated me last time. I’m never bringing any of you guys to a mixer ever again.”
“Even me, dear Todomatsu?” Karamatsu asked, batting his lashes winningly.
“Especially you,” Todomatsu shot back without missing a beat.
“Ah. Cruel…” Karamatsu deflated slightly, but then bounced back quickly. “Well, my day went fine. I even finished a song I’ve been working on for some time, so I’d say it was a rather productive afternoon!”
Choromatsu noticed then that Karamatsu and Osomatsu were sitting companionably beside each other as they ate, and that neither of them had brought up their argument from earlier that day. Choromatsu figured that meant they must have talked it out and made up that afternoon, after all. And while he didn’t want to praise himself for it or anything, Choromatsu couldn’t help thinking that if it hadn’t been for his incidental intervention, the two oldest brothers might still be warring with each other, glaring daggers at each other through the meal and refusing to speak directly to the other instead of laughing and chatting together as they were doing now. Thanks to him, dinner was a peaceful affair tonight.
Okay, maybe I should give myself some credit for that one after all…
“I didn’t really do anything…I just stayed home and folded origami, then went out to feed the cats before dinner,” Ichimatsu said. His tone was mellow, though, and it didn’t sound as if he thought that had been a bad way to pass the afternoon.
“I saw a bunch of new cranes lined up on the windowsill in our room,” Todomatsu remarked. “Did you make all of those today, Ichimatsu-niisan?”
The next words out of Ichimatsu’s mouth made Choromatsu glance up in surprise. “Actually, a few of those are Choromatsu’s. He joined me for a little while today. He’s a pretty fast learner, it didn’t take him long to get it down well.”
Ichimatsu snuck a glance at Choromatsu, and the corner of his mouth turned up just a little in a smile. Choromatsu couldn’t help but smile slightly back. While neither of them had expected to, it had been nice to bond over a project that afternoon when they’d both needed the distraction, and Choromatsu genuinely looked forward to doing it again.
And he even said I was good at it, more or less…who would have thought?
“I worked out all day!” Jyushimatsu had inhaled two dishes of curry and rice already, and was hungrily eyeing what remained in the center of the table. “I ran a few laps, then I practiced batting for the rest of the afternoon–but it got too cold out after the sun went down, so I came back inside.” Temptation won out, and he ended up piling the last of the curry onto his plate. “Oh! And Choromatsu and I are gonna go to the gardening shop tomorrow! He said he’d help me grow sunflowers for…uh, for my friend.”
A knowing gleam sparkled in Karamatsu’s eyes. “Ah! Do you happen to mean Homura?”
“Mhm!” Jyushimatsu bowed his head slightly then, almost shyly. In a quieter voice than usual, he added, “She’s…she’s coming back to town for a visit this summer. I want to greet her with a bouquet of sunflowers when she gets off the train. Choromatsu promised to help me grow them for her.”
“Oh! What a romantic idea, my little Jyushimatsu!” Karamatsu enthused. “She’s going to be thrilled when she sees them! Who wouldn’t love receiving a gorgeous bouquet from the one they love, after all?”
“Laying it on a little thick there, Kara,” Todomatsu noted, seeing the way Jyushimatsu’s cheeks had reddened as Karamatsu rambled. Then he smiled at his immediate older brother as he added, “But it is a good idea. She’s going to love them. And it’s great that she’s coming back to town, you must be so excited!”
There was a general round of congratulations by everyone for Jyushimatsu, who looked surprised but delighted that his news had been received so warmly by his brothers. He cast a sideways glance toward Choromatsu and his smile broadened, as if in thanks. Choromatsu nodded back just enough for Jyushimatsu to see, silently telling him “you’re welcome.” He knew it had been the right choice for Jyushimatsu to tell the other brothers about Homura’s impending visit, and he was glad to help him as well. It was good to see the grin that lit up Jyushimatsu’s face as he shared what details about the visit he knew already.
It was funny, when he thought about it…just earlier that day, Choromatsu had been feeling alone in his own head and struggling to occupy himself with something, anything that would block out the bad thoughts for at least a little while. And as it turned out, his brothers, without even realizing their part in it, had been the remedy to his troubles that day. By helping each of them sort out their problems, he’d been able to clear his own mind some, enough to feel a little better and hold onto a sliver of hope that he could actually help himself if he tried harder. He hadn’t even been aware of it himself as the day wore on, but now that he was seated here with all of his brothers, hearing about their days and reflecting on what he had contributed to each of them, he actually felt grateful.
His brothers really were always there for him… whether they knew what they had done to help him or not.
“Well, Choro-Chan?”
Choromatsu snapped out of his thoughts, realizing he had completely spaced out. “What?” he asked, focusing in on Osomatsu, who had spoken to him in the first place.
“I was asking you what you did today,” Osomatsu repeated. “Didn’t ya hear me the first time?”
Choromatsu cleared his throat, not quite meeting anyone’s gazes. How, exactly, should he answer that question…? Should he really get into it with everyone, after keeping it to himself all day? Did he want to?
Finally he breathed out, slowly. Part of the truth would be better than nothing at all.
“Well, my day didn’t get off to the best start...I sort of, uh, had a lot on my mind that I don’t really feel like talking about right now,” Choromatsu admitted, then finally looked up at his brothers, checking to see if they got what he meant.
“Oh…” It was Osomatsu who caught on first, and he frowned slightly at Choromatsu. “I didn’t realize…sorry, Choro, if I had known I wouldn’t have bugged you like that this afternoon.”
“You didn’t bug me…and besides, it’s on me for not mentioning it to anyone, anyway,” Choromatsu replied, pushing the small amount of rice he had left around on his plate. “To be honest, sometimes I don’t really know how to… talk about what’s on my mind. It’s not like I haven’t already said everything I think there is to say about it before…I just have days where I’m harder on myself than usual, and can’t seem to dig myself out of that spiral. I was even wishing earlier that I was more like all of you…like any of you. Because sometimes it just feels like something is so wrong with my own mind, and I wonder what it would be like to not feel that way all the time. To be someone more confident, more laid-back…anyone but me.”
“But Choromatsu…none of us are perfect either, it’s not like the rest of us don’t have issues too,” Ichimatsu pointed out, after a beat. “You realize that, right?”
“I do…I know that, and I also know that I can’t escape my own problems by wishing I was someone else. Or even just more like someone else,” Choromatsu said, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “All I can do is work on myself, shape myself into the person I want to be. I think I knew that all along, but I lost sight of it and let myself get carried away by everything I think is wrong with me instead. So…I want to work harder on that. I want to do better, and feel better. And I guess figuring that out was what I did today, among other things.”
There was a moment of quiet in which Choromatsu couldn’t quite gauge what any of his brothers was thinking, and it set him on edge for no real reason. But finally, it was Osomatsu who broke the silence.
“Wow, that’s…good, Choromatsu. Really good.” Osomatsu sounded sincere, and he offered a lopsided grin as he spoke. “So I guess today turned out to be a pretty okay one for you too, huh?”
Choromatsu hesitated briefly, but then he smiled back. Truth be told, he was grateful Osomatsu hadn’t made a bigger deal out of it. While it had felt freeing to get it all entirely off of his chest, more than anything, Choromatsu just wanted everything to feel normal, with no special attention or emphasis placed on him. But he knew he had his family’s support, and for him, that was more than enough.
“Yeah,” he finally said, in answer to Osomatsu’s question. “It was okay, after all.”
In that moment, Choromatsu felt remarkably peaceful, more than he had all day…or in a long time, for that matter. His head was blissfully clear, he had enjoyed every bite of his dinner, and he was having a pleasant conversation with his family for once. His brothers were happy, and he was happy, which had been a hard feeling for him to come across these days. For now, he simply wanted to soak up the feeling of calm, and hope that it lasted.
Then Osomatsu’s eyes landed on Choromatsu’s plate, and a sly grin curled up the corner of his mouth. “Say…are you gonna finish that?” he asked, already snaking his hand across the table.
Choromatsu acted fast, pulling the plate closer toward him. “Yes, I am. You already had your share.”
“Aw, c’mon!” Osomatsu whined. “I’m still hungry! Besides, I’m a growing boy!”
“You are so not, you outgrew that excuse about ten birthdays ago.”
“Well…well I’m the oldest, and therefore I should retain exclusive rights to all leftovers!”
“Oh, so now you want to play the oldest brother card? Just for your personal gain? I don’t think so, shitty eldest!”
“Ouch, hey, watch it with the sharp words! You hurt your poor Nii-Chan’s heart…”
“I’ll say whatever it takes to get you to back off of my dinner, shitty eldest.”
And that was how the evening drew to a close–Choromatsu and Osomatsu bickering, as always, part blaming and part playful until they forgot what the initial argument had been about to begin with. Later on they would still be snipping at each other, from the walk to the bathhouse up until they all crawled into the futon for the night, as the other brothers watched and either sighed to themselves while staying on the sidelines or–more likely–joined in and added to the chaos.
In short, it was just an average day in the Matsuno household. And although he wouldn’t admit it out loud, Choromatsu was thankful for it.