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English
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Published:
2023-03-22
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781
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1/1
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A Heartrender's Guide To Calming A Bastard

Summary:

This is the continuation of the scene in episode 5 when Kaz has a panic attack after having tea dumped on him, but from Nina's point of view.
Marinated with; some hurt/comfort, some friendship, some enemies to friends and a lot of Kaz angst. Served with a side of humour.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It had been around five minutes since Brekker’s abrupt leave -and Inej’s swift follow- when Nina decided to check if both were still breathing.

She couldn’t make sense of his actions. Truthfully, she couldn’t ever make sense of his actions ever since they’d met.

Kaz Brekker, a barrel rat -at most- had promised a visit to her, and she would get that visit. No matter what. If that meant she’d have to keep him alive, then she would keep that nefarious man alive.

She didn’t know what she’d been expecting to see, rounding the corner. Brekker smashing people’s skulls in with that hideous cane of his? Him and Inej arguing? Maybe an angry make out session between them? Most probably an angry make out session between them.

But not this.

Not that wicked, sinister man; leaning his back to a stone wall across from her, clutching his cane and gloves tightly to his chest. Shudders running through his already trembling body, his head tilted back against the wall, gasps of air going in and out of his mouth. Face pale -paler than ever.

In a shocking moment, she realized just how much he looked like a little boy in this state, but then immediately chased those thoughts away, and focused back on Brekker; on what was left of him.

She slit through the crowd, pushing people to two sides, keeping her eyes on Brekker, always.

When she reached him, she crouched down beside the bastard, and set her gaze on to him.

Kaz Brekker looked at her through the corner of his eye, and slackened his death grip on his cane.

‘’What business, Zenik?’’ The rasp in his voice was so damn dreadful that Nina barely processed his words. When she did, she contemplated what to say.

What could you say to a serial killer, a madman utterly without conscience? A man who blew up dozens of homes, people, women, children; to get his petty revenge. A man who drove everyone so far away that even his friends thought he was a monster. A man who was surely drowning, so deep down in waters darker than his clothing, his gloves. So, what could you say to him?

‘’Are you okay?’’

More shudders rocked his body. He put one hand against the concrete and levered himself up, his legs shaking so hard they might buckle out from beneath him any second.

Nina extended a hand to his arm to balance him, to keep him up.

Brekker jerked back so hard his back hit the wall.

Nina pulled her hand to her chest as if clear air had burnt her. She looked down at her palm, back up at Brekker, then remembered how he’d extracted his hand when she’d touched him after tea got spilt on him.

When she tuned back in, she realized his breathing was irregular, eyes wide open, glaring at the floor. Although he seemed to be deep in some type of a trance, he managed to keep himself up.

‘’I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, Brekker. I didn’t mean to…’’ Her sentence was left incomplete.

His heartbeat was going haywire, he seemed to be having some type of an episode.

Nina was a Heartrender, she could help, right?

She lifted her palms up into position, and inclined her abilities to decrease his heart rate.

Brekker’s hand went to his heart as his sharp eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Although, his body was shaking less now, his eyes less glassy.

The cynical man looked her in the eyes then, standing tall. She could see the tick of a muscle on his jaw.

‘’Why did you do that?’’ He gritted out, as if she had just killed Rollins, instead of helping him.

Why did she do it though? Sympathy; for all those times she had similar episodes in filthy Kerch motels after Matthias was arrested? Curiosity; for this seemingly unshakable man’s weakness? Or was it simply because she wanted him to feel better, because she was his friend, because she cared for him? Because she was -as he had said- a crow?

‘’You are the only man in Ketterdam who can get me a visit in Hellgate.’’ She stated simply.

A weight was lifted from Brekker’s shoulders -it seems, as he found the power to stand up straighter; back into his normal composure.

He then tucked his cane under his armpit, put on his gloves, took the cane to his right hand, and staggered past her, to a table where Jesper and Tolya were sat, discussing something intently.

Nina may not have gotten any answers that day, but she knew she would one day. One day, when -if- Kaz Brekker trusts her enough.

Notes:

Things I wouldn't do to escape from studying or doing homework...