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Chapter Text

ORIGINAL CALE AU. 

He regretted the moments he had taken for granted. Moments when pride and hatred devoured him.

What if I told you how I really feel?

Would it turn the wheel of my life?

Would it change the outcome for us?

He was terrified of falling deeply in love because mending a broken heart is never easy.

He's been rotting in that hell for a long time, and I don't want to be there any longer. He realized that life in this place without the people he cares about was far worse and more painful than hell. 

But why is my heart in agony? Why do I have the impression that my life is becoming monotonous?

Should I have confessed my feelings for you? Should I have shown you that it's true?

Some people believe that some words are better left unsaid and that emotions should be kept until they fade.

No, throw out all the cowardice and negativity because speaking your mind is true bravery.

So what if no one returns his love? At the very least, there will be no what-ifs in his mind.

But it's too late for him to realize this because you're gone and will never be mine again.

Did you know? Humans have four lives. They can enter the cycle of rebirth and live until they find their purpose. 

Only Cale Henituse continued to live in reverse. 

He turned his gaze to the coffins in front of him. His family, the king, and everyone who served him were all killed. 

In his first regression, he died miserably. 

Copyright Disclaimer: Yoo Reo Han owns Trash of the Counts Family/ Lout of the Counts Family, which is legally protected and belongs to the original owner. Anything derived from the original work is purely fictitious—a fanfiction created solely for entertainment. I don’t sell or publish any of my work.

Fair Use Disclaimer: This work is a fanfiction. Not for sale or publication. The use of TCF/LCF by RYH is for entertainment purposes only, as permitted by law. I am not the owner of the original work. No part of this fanfiction may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means without the permission of the author.

He died without having brought the enemy into his second. 

And he lived in this life, but everyone around him died. 

We will be what we can be. Do not say, "It might have been, had not been, or this, or that."

No fate can keep us from the path we've chosen; it's only He who can.

Cale Henituse surveyed the bloodied battlefield. 

"One more chance..." Please, one more... I'm willing to bet my entire life if I can change everything.

He closed his eyes peacefully and took his own life. 

When he opened it, no one was around. No one was there but himself. 

He stood up and looked out the window. 

This is it. 

The price he has to pay for all this regression... 

“This is my last chance.”

The last life to change everything.

He looked at the marks on his body. The curse that the god of time gave him has now made a full turn. He’ll die, sooner or later. But, this is fine. 

This is better. 

That way, once he's done everything he can to protect everything he wants to protect, he won't have to worry about leaving the world. 

No one will be concerned about his well-being. 

It worked in his favor. 

"I guess... it's time to leave this place."

The place he held dear to his heart, his home. 

He changed his clothes. He is only eighteen years old. It's two years before the war begins. 

He decided to pay a visit to the castle's healer and met him. 

Cale let him look after him. The healer was astounded to discover that his healing power was unable to heal Cale. The healer looked at Cale when he revealed the curse. 

“My Lord?”

"Can you keep it a secret?"

In the first place, his health is deteriorating. He's sickly and frail. That is why, if he wants to do everything he wants, he must do this. 

"Please prescribe me medicine... one for health."

His body should not deteriorate as it has in the previous three regressions. 

When the doctor gave him what he needed, he smiled at him and said, “Thank you very much.”

He didn’t see the healer’s expression, but the healer was teary-eyed and thought that he might be suffering all this time with no one knowing.

Cale entered the dining hall. "You are late again," his father said as he looked at him.

However, instead of responding as he used to. Everyone in the hall fell silent when he smiled. He sat in the chair but did not consume the food. 

Deruth Henituse's saddened sigh echoed throughout the room. Cale ignored him and continued to stare out the window at the misty rain falling. The morning was quieter than most of the mornings they'd spent together. Everyone was surprised at how well-behaved the Young Lord is. 

“Dad…”

Deruth looked at Cale. Cale had stopped calling his father since his mother died. 

“I want to leave the house.”

If Cale leaves, he will have completed all of his tasks. 

Deruth Henituse was taken aback. He expected Cale to demand money or expensive wines, but Cale simply wants to leave. 

"Cale... this is—"

"I'm tired..." Cale looked at his father, relieved and happy at the same time. "I'm sick of everything, Dad..."

His mistake was staying in this place in the first place. Staying close to them became repulsive for him because of his previous regressions. He recalled how everyone blamed him for his family's demise. That's why...

"Dad... I'm sick..." 

With his soul gradually breaking down as a result of this regression, he only had five to ten years at most. His aura was barely strong enough to keep his soul alive. 

"My soul is breaking, and my life has been cut short," he said flatly. It's fine if his family was aware of this. 

"I'm not going to cause any more trouble, and I'm not going to ask for anything... please... let me leave this place."

Nobody cared about him in the first place. 

He was weak. 

Nobody gave a damn about him as a person. 

Nobody cared what he thought. 

Nobody cared about him until he took the reins and went to war.  

He recalls vividly the words that saved him back then. 

"Forget about emotions! Survival is your priority! Be a greater villain if you want the power to save everyone you care about!"

That’s right. If he's going to lose everything, he should just vanish and do everything he needs to do before vanishing. 

He smiled, something he hadn't done since his mother died. 

"This is my one and only request, Dad."

He's certain his father was taken aback. He smiled. He had no idea why he felt so happy when he saw his father's face as if he were going insane. Deruth remained silent, but he did not say anything to him. 

"If you're tired..." There's no way this man will let him go, "go back to your room and rest."

Cale gave him a bitter smile. He looked at his siblings, who were unable to consume the food in front of them. They were staring at him with stoic expressions, but he knew they still considered him family—however distantly. 

"All right... have a nice day." 

He didn’t touch his food. He didn’t even drink the tea. 

However, the moment he left the hall. He casually coughs up blood, staining his white shirt. 

When the servant who saw him saw him, he raised his hand and said, "It's fine." 

It's the same. The pain he's experiencing isn't the same as it was during his previous regression; in fact, it's worse. 

Yet, he had a small smile on his face. 

It’s time to say goodbye.

Cale packed a few of his belongings after getting everything ready. 

That night, he fled Henituse County in secret. 

Please forgive me, Dad.

He reflected as he turned away from the castle gates. 

Cale was determined to prevent everyone from dying this time. 

That's why...

He had no choice but to do so. 

Because everyone else dies around him.  

He didn’t want to be left alone again. 

That's why, it's better to abandon the world before it abandons him.

He knew, if it does---he won't be able to take it. 

TBC

Chapter Text

"My soul is breaking, and my life has been cut short. I'm not going to cause any more trouble, and I'm not going to ask for anything... please... let me leave this place."

Those words continued to echo inside Deruth’s head. He dismissed his son, thinking that it was just one of his whims. 

But… 

Cale's mouth was stained with blood. He requested the healer and was taken aback by the report he brought him. 

A divine curse. 

Cale was under a terrible curse imposed by a god. He didn't know which god it was, but the mages and priests who looked at Cale after the Healer all confirmed that he was cursed. 

He might have been a bad father. That was something he had to accept. 

Because after the one he loved died, her son remained as a painful reminder of her. Just looking at Cale made him sad... 

That's why... they fell apart. 

Cale was not the type of child who could express affection as the firstborn, even with empty words. 

He used to smile brightly at him, but his son soon became estranged from the rest of the world. Worse, he turned to alcoholism as a means of escaping the pain. 

He didn't think it mattered. So long as he's safe and healthy. To begin with, a noble house is not supposed to be affectionate. 

But when he discovered he was sick and suffering from this terrible curse, he couldn't turn a blind eye. He couldn't stay away from the child of the woman he adored the most. 

He pathetically shut down his own son and threw him away to survive for himself, not knowing that he was dying. 

It would be fine if all he wanted was freedom. He could listen to all of her requests while still allowing him to live comfortably. 

But Cale, the Child, wanted to leave. 

In the end... 

"I couldn't call him and give him permission."

He is only eighteen years old. 

But he only has two to five years left, and if a miracle occurs, he may live until the age of twenty-five. 

Cale may have realized what he truly desired in life after enduring excruciating pain.  

"Cale wished to leave."

A child of only twenty years old speaks of death with a face that says nothing is wrong and a smile that could put anyone at ease. 

He only wanted to leave. 

He slammed his hand on the table and brushed his hair harshly. A terrible pain called to him once more. 

It's as if this place was a painful palace for him. 

Perhaps the strong child he imagined himself to be was simply a child who couldn't express his feelings. 

That he was simply a child who had drowned in loneliness. 

"Damn it," he cursed. Cale couldn't ignore it even if he left right away. Cale had no one to protect him. He is referred to as the trash or the prodigal son. No one will protect him if it is not him. 

To protect him, he must prepare everything he needs and ensure that he can live his life the way he wants, not the way the world wants. 

After being confronted with this situation, he is preparing all sorts of things for someone he has only embraced once. 

"If... I let him leave here with only the memories of being abandoned..."

He'll never be able to forgive himself. 

He finally signed the papers containing the villa to which he would send Cale. He had everything and anything ready in case Cale needed more. He even went so far as to decide to have the greeted healer in Henituse County accompany him, as well as a knight in whom he could put his trust. 

Yet… 

The devastating moment arrived for him. 

Ron approached him and informed him that Cale had left. Cale would never leave the county without saying something. He would always ask Hilsman for permission before leaving, but Cale left without anyone knowing.

He looked around Cale's empty room. His wine collection was untouched. Everything inside the room appeared to be abandoned. A few simple clothes were missing. Only silver and bronze were missing from the bank notes and gold coins. 

He looked down at the bed and noticed a note on it. 

When he opened it, he was greeted by Cale's lovely handwriting.  

"Dad, I'm sorry if I left without notice. I'd been thinking about it, and I knew you'd never give me permission, but... I have to go... I want to find my own way. Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry for everything as well. but..."

With tears streaming down his cheeks, he read the letter. 

"I want to find my peace and happiness, but I know it will never be in there, so please..."

Cale left a simple letter. Cale was aware and did not wait for him to say anything. 

"Please be happy, Dad, with love from your son, Cale"

Melancholy is the happiness of being sad.

He is weakening. He sat at the edge of the bed, still stunned by what had just occurred. 

Cale. His Cale had left. 

"My Lord..."

"Order the knights and bring my son back!" he said to Ron.

I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Cale. 

Only when you finally abandoned me, this place—did I realize how much I had hurt you. 

He is not going to beg forgiveness. He's not going to ask for it. Anything he says to Cale will be nothing more than excuses. 

It was the day that Weston City was turned upside down. 

And how Count Henituse gradually fell apart. 

TBC

Chapter Text

Cale takes a look around. This is the first time he has experienced true freedom. He sat on the grass. He had already planned everything out. His first three regressions were all fatally flawed. He was weak and powerless, which is why he always performed poorly.

Ancient Powers. He needed to find one. Although these Ancient Powers may not be able to help him with his condition for at least the next three years that he is still alive and healthy, he possessed the ability to protect himself. That's why, before leaving the County, he obtained the indestructible shield.

"Now I'm just wandering around," he sighs. The medicine given to him by the healer could last him several months. The attack on Harris Village will take place in a week. In Harris Village, there is an ancient power.

He stood up and frowned. He remembered that jerk, Choi Han, who had beaten him up.

"I'm not looking forward to meeting him, but..."

He's one of the most reliable allies on the battlefield. Despite their strained relationship, he couldn't deny that Choi Han had assisted him in his three regressions. He died there as well.

In any case, that man and Choi Han should never meet. At least, not for the time being.

He gave the ox cart driver a friendly smile. He already kept his red hair with a magical device, and only his reddish-brown eyes were visible in public.

"Can you take me to Harris Village?"

“I’m going there, young man. Hop on the back.”

“Thank you very much.”

He sat in the cart, leaning against the hay. Weston City, like the rest of the Northeast, was a haven in and of itself. He suddenly remembered the letter he had left behind. He was curious about what his father said or did. He felt sorry for him, but this time he will not back down. If he wants to save that man, he must push him away.

"You have pretty brown hair, Young Man, and if you weren't dressed like a commoner, I'd think you're the runaway Young Lord."

“Runaway?”

"The Lord mobilized the knights to find his son; apparently, the search had been going on throughout the Northeast. A father is always a father, no matter how trashy his firstborn is. I feel sorry for the Count."

Cale gave a bitter smile.

"Perhaps the young lord has his own set of circumstances."

“You think so?”

“Hm. After all, the liveliest ones could be the saddest people too.”

The Ox cart owner paused. "I don't understand the nobles, but leaving the house without saying anything, even if the Count isn't a good father, at least the child should say something."

Cale gave a bitter smile when he said that. He regrets leaving without saying anything, but he won't be able to leave if he does.

It's also because of me that Dad has to stop himself from wanting more.

Because Deruth couldn't leave him out. If he desires more, his family will fall apart. He is the limit that Deruth Henituse is attempting to protect. Cale would be left behind if the Henituse moved.

My father was a wonderful man.

He smiled and took a short break.

Upon arrival at Harris Village. Cale noticed the happy smiles. The area that was turned to blood and dust is still alive and well, as it should be.

Choi Han, the seemingly out-of-this-world object in the world, stood there in black. Cale felt relieved all of a sudden. He had never seen this man smile in his previous regression. This man always had a stern expression on his face and frowned at him.

It's as if this is all a nightmare.

Choi Han died kneeling before him in his previous regression, he remembered.

"False tears cause pain for others; false smiles cause pain for yourself."

Cale, who had been living in deception, recognized that this man was not a bad person.

"There are times when a single man's life is more valuable than a hundred million others; it's your life that matters; you gain the right to be."

He was acknowledged by the person he both despised and admired.

“Hello.”

The black-haired man turned around and looked him in the eyes.

"Hello," says the awkward but respectful greeting. He hasn't really changed. This time, he is the one who must change, not anyone else. He must accept responsibility for the decision he must make and not delegate it to those he wishes to surround himself with.

He was greeted with open arms. He spent the next few days at Harris Village.

He knew something was in Harris Village because of his previous regressions. It was also one of the reasons he continued to regress prior to the Harris Massacre. It took him three lifetimes to figure out why he kept regressing a week before the incident—something significant and related to him is here in this location.

He began looking for clues, but it was all for naught. He can't stay here for long because the Henituse Knights may visit Harri Village. His father could have ordered the knights to close the borders.

He sat by the fire, exhausted and depressed. Choi Han sat next to him, watching the children dance around the fire. Both men and women appeared to enjoy the small celebrations. Except for the swordsman sitting next to him.

“Are you bored?”

"No, just tired."

Choi Han handed him a glass of wine. Choi Han never drank one, but he still keeps the cup. Cale snatched the cup from him and inhaled the familiar aroma of wine.

"You've been hanging around recently; are you looking for something?"

Cale wasn't surprised. Choi Han watches everyone's movements and reacts appropriately.

"I'm looking for something," he said bitterly, raising his cup, "something that could change my life."

There was complete silence between them. Cale recalled a recollection from his second regression. Choi Han also handed him a cup of wine, but he never drank from it. Both of them were silent, but Choi Han soon opened up on a topic he couldn't recall. It happened as if it were a fleeting memory. They used to threaten each other's necks, but that moment made him feel accepted and comfortable.

This scene was the same as the previous one.

He smiled. "I don't belong here," Choi Han said as he looked at him.

He looked at him and realized he had forgotten something from his previous regression. The meaning behind Choi Han's appearance.

"Yet, this place gave me a place to belong, and I hope it does the same for you."

Cale did not respond. He pressed his lips together. He hugged his leg and smiled at Choi Han as his head rested on his knees.

“That would be a problem.”

Choi Han looked at him confusedly.

"This may be home for you, but I've already abandoned my home."

Choi Han was the only person he could be this honest with.

"The world isn't perfect, but it's there for us, doing the best it can... that's what makes it so damn beautiful," Choi Han said with a smile.

Evil can arise from the best of intentions in this world. There is also good that can come from evil intentions.

Choi Han, on the other hand, did not fit into that category.

Cale finally relaxed and smiled at him.

“Choi Han…”

“Yes?”

"This village will be attacked very soon."

Choi Han remained deafeningly silent.

Cale, who had lived many times before, remembered the heartbreaking cry this man let out when everyone was dead.

"I have the ability to see into the future..." Lies. This is exactly what happened in this place: "Everyone will die, and this place will be burned down."

At least, not for this man... Cale, who felt deep gratitude and sincerity for his previous lives—he didn't want him to lose the place to return to.

“The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don’t wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did.”

Choi Han was the personification of this.

Cale simply does not want Choi Han to lose what he has already lost in the previous lives. The reason for his coldness, for his ruthlessness, for taking up arms and destroying everything in sight. The only person who beat him up and acknowledged him when everything was for naught.

Choi Han... Yes, dear Choi Han. This time, you will not lose the home you have always desired.

Cale stood up, leaving Choi Han perplexed. That particular night, however. The people of the Village left at Choi Han's request. Cale was well aware that this would be difficult. He'll simply wait for his opponent and ambush them. He never expected Choi Han to stay by his side and keep an eye on him.

"You are free to leave."

"You're still here."

This stock-up puppy thing sure is adorable.

"I'm not sure why you've come here, but I know there's something important you need to do."

Cale did not respond. He simply looked the man in the eyes and smiled.

"Let's eat out someday... if we ever meet again," Cale said, serious in his refusal to say anything significant to this man. Choi Han’s place was supposed to be by Alver Crossman’s side and not his.

"I'm sure you'd look lovely if you smiled from the bottom of your heart."

Cale was taken back. They aren't all that dissimilar. He desired everything from others his entire life. He felt bitter toward the people around him and then closed his heart. And before he knew it, his heart, which allows nothing in, had become empty.

Cale realized he had turned into the monster of his own life. That is why he will continue to be one.

"Choi Han..." Cale smiled bitterly. Choi Han had a sad expression on his face. He's the only person who has ever looked at him with that kind of intensity. The only person who attempted to understand him but was never permitted to intervene in his life. "Knowing sorrow is not frightening; what is terrifying is knowing you can't go back to the happiness you could have had."

The reason he's afraid to trust...

It’s because he can't bear another heartbreak from the happiness that has repeatedly broken him.

TBC

A/N: yeah. feel free to cry, because this is made to make reader's cry. yes... yesss... so I'm going to sleep now! enjoY!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Text

He thought he was a strange man. That is, Cale Henituse. 

Choi Han thought he was beautiful when he first saw him. His eyes were reddish brown, and his skin was pale with a blush tint. 

His eyes, however, were sad and distant. 

His eyes never met with his smile. 

It was fake and melancholy. 

Choi Han didn't say anything, but he couldn't possibly ignore him. He couldn't take his gaze away from him. Was it a pity? Or was it due to similarities? 

In fact, he knew that this person was just a lonely person, just like he was when he first arrived here. The gaze of emptiness. Those forced smiles. 

He may be an idiot, but he has never lied about his emotions. 

The desire to protect screams through his entire being. 

As he waited for their adversaries, he noticed the brown head. He had no idea what he was doing, but he believes this man was acting for a reason. That was how it felt. That seemed to appeal to him. Choi Han is willing to follow a trustworthy man. 

When the loud explosions rang through the air, they remained silent for a few moments. At the crack of dawn, the place was packed with black men. Everything was trashed, and everything was razed to the ground. Choi Han stood there staring at the brownhead, waiting for him to move. His prediction came true. Cale's solemn expression gave him chills. His heart thumped so loudly that he could feel the excitement of battle.

Everything is on fire again.

It was like that until a bright white light engulfed the area. Choi Han instinctively covered his eyes, but when he opened them, the brownhead was gone. Cale had already attacked the white-masked man. Cale's sword-wielding technique was stunning. It was as if he was dancing to the beat of his adversary. 

Cale's gaze seemed to see right through the battle. 

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!?" 

However, the brown head did not respond. He thrust his sword, and a beautiful black and red mana surged forward. It pierced the masked man's defenses and caused a wound on his face. The masked man's left eye was bleeding. 

Black mana began to erupt loudly, but Cale, who had the white little thing in his palm, gazed at him with a bored expression. 

“You—!” 

Choi Han defended Cale. His useless sword was able to stop the powerful attack from the masked man. He heard the man let out a strong laugh before he jumped away. 

"To think someone knew what was going on in this place."

Choi Han looked at the man, but he was soon attacked by a swarm of black-robed men. 

He defended himself, taking care not to inflict fatal wounds. 

When the masked man's sword pierced through Cale's body, he was taken back. Before falling to the ground, the brown head smiled mockingly. 

Choi Han experienced fear for the first time in his life. He locked his gaze on the white-masked man, who was very much alive and in the flesh. He made the grave error of believing his own biases, but who would ever believe that the aforementioned man would not kill someone? Living in peace and silence dulled his intuition and senses. Right now, his long-term residence has been completely destroyed by fire. Memories of years gone by flashed through his mind, the freshness of blood and the sacrifices.

Those memories...

The deaths...

That hatred... 

"come on, little brownhead! Use that power and fight me! No one can fight me head-on! Come on! Let's dance amid this fight again!" The masked man laughed insanity and arrogance.

The man smirked and stated that he was still alive and well. Cale pressed his eyes shut and then opened them. The man smiled, clearly pleased with the situation. He raised one hand and formed a black ball, which Cale braced himself for. He felt an ominous, menacing, and downright demonic energy from the said man. It was denser and more powerful than natural vile energy, and it was also lethal. 

Choi Han could still clearly hear the cries of people who were falling. All of his desperation had culminated in a futile attempt. His heart is pounding and his mind is blank. His people is being dragged back to the village. 

When the masked man stared at Cale, Choi Han felt a pricking sensation down his spine. This is dangerous!

Cale's frantic cries were heard by him. He moved closer to him right away, but the man dragged him away with his overwhelming energy. He was thrown to the ground, his sword stabbing him. The man expressed his displeasure. The man in question approached him and hovered in front of him, his hand on his chin forcing him to make eye contact. The dangerous expression on the man's face foretold their impending doom. Cale braced himself to summon his aura, but the man simply snapped his finger, causing chaos. 

Terrifying.  This is the real and powerful man who wages war against the world. He can do anything at his command. 

Terrified, Cale shouted, “CHOI HAN! TAKE EVERYONE AWAY! FASTER!!!”

In the blink of an eye, the masked man stood before the village chief. He sent several people thirty feet away with a swing of his hand, slamming them into an old tree and striking him. The man lifted a child from the ground by the neck. He notices the child squirming free from the enemy's grasp, refusing to give in to the call of his blood. 

Cale was bleeding from his neck, wrist, and ankle. His eyes widen, calling and calling. He watched as the adversary raised his free hand, smirking like the devil, and stabbed the child through the heart. It was bloody. Choi Han could no longer see anything but blood and the solemn expression the innocent child gave him after one final glance. He observed as the offending hand shoved his child away, sending him a few meters away. He watched as the boy's body rolled on the ground, blood oozing from his body.

Hate... hate... kill... kill... kill... kill that man... kill him!

“You bastard!”

*thud!* The masked man's sadistic grin darkened. It took a few moments for that grim expression to change to something fulfilling and satisfying, "yes..." he muttered, relishing every moment with Choi Han staring at him with hatred.

Choi Han had vanished from view. His sword glowed dangerously as it moved along the black aura commanded by its master. The raging red-orange flames erupted as the black aura solidified. His eyes squinted as he looked for a crimson red. Shivers ran down their spines as they felt the suffocating aura. Beads of sweat voluntarily fell on their faces, and some cried out in fear. 

Choi Han committed his first murder for the very first time. 

His rage began to spiral out of control as he lost his rationality. He slaughtered his opponents, revealing the devil within him. He didn't give a damn. The child should not have been included. Choi Han's domineering aura began to unravel. However, the masked man who took advantage of his rampage vanished. 

Choi Han started destroying everything, only to be stopped by a small touch on his cheeks. 

“They left.”

Cale's bloodied expression welcomed him. 

"You save most of them... but not all, so... don't cry."

Choi Han dropped his rusted sword and snatched Cale, who had passed out in his arms. He stood there, listening to the survivors sob. He thought they'd left, but the enemy was able to drag them back here. Choi Han's strength had dwindled. He hasn't let go of Cale in his arms yet. 

"Fear is not evil; it tells you what your weakness is, and once you know your weakness, you can become both stronger and kinder." 

Choi Han's eyes welled up with tears of sadness. 

When he first arrived here, he had forgotten about the loss and pain. 

"Cale," he said. "Thank you..."

For allowing him to protect a few people even though he can't protect everyone. 

He carefully cradled Cale in his arms. His wrist bracelet had fallen off. The brown-haired man's hair gradually changed color. 

A vivid, bright red hair appeared. 

“He… he…”

The villagers were terrified. 

"Han-yah..." exclaimed the Village Chief, "You should leave!"

He was confused. 

"The Henituse Knights are on their way here! I'm not sure what happened to the young lord, but he left the county."

If that was the case, he needed to return. 

"If he returns, he may become a criminal; leave before the knights find him; the count has already issued a wanted poster!"

The bracelet was tied on Cale's wrist by the Village Chief's wife, but the spell would not work without the spell. They all covered the redhead's hair and pushed Choi Han away. The galloping horses could soon be heard. If the village had known, they would not have reported the incident until it had been resolved!

"If he is... shouldn't he go back—"

He stopped and looked at Cale. 

"This may be your home, but I've already abandoned mine."

Cale had left for reasons he couldn't explain. 

Choi Han bowed. The masked man remains a concern, but Choi Han has decided to keep the redhead safe. 

"Please notify the authorities of what occurred here."

"Yes... Look after the young lord."

Choi Han nodded and walked out of the village. Cale's stab wound had healed, but he hadn't yet regained consciousness. 

He dashed into the forest of darkness at breakneck speed.

They were right.... 

Choi Han pondered. 

He didn't know what was going on with Cale, but he could tell the pain in his words was genuine. "The scars that can't be seen are the most difficult to heal."

In fact, Choi Han had already realized that this young man, this beautiful Young Man—Was just another broken man. 

A broken man that he will protect in this lifetime.

TBC

Chapter Text

Deruth Henituse took a look around Harris Village. There were signs of a fight, but he wasn't there. Cale was last seen on his way up North, so he assumed he'd come here. He felt empty when he realized his son was not present. 

The father-son butler and cook also left the county after Cale left. 

However, he came to a halt when he noticed a bead with the Henituse Emblem on it. 

As he gazed at the destroyed village, his heart trembled. 

Cale came here... but where is he?

Deruth had many questions, but no one could answer them. 

Is he safe? Is he hurt? It was dangerous. 

He couldn't say anything. 

"You were always there for me, and that's all I needed. Just you. For some reason, I didn't feel sad or broken up; it just didn't seem real. But slowly, I realized it was real — that you were gone, and I slowly felt something inside me go numb."

Is this what you were hoping for, Cale? Am I so cruel that you have to be crueler than me?

He bowed and pursed his lips. He collected himself and determined that he would see his son again soon. 

"What I wished for destroyed my entire family; I brought all of this suffering down on my family because I made a wish for myself without knowing what Cale truly desired."

He regrets it. He regretted it. He should have talked to him that day instead of dismissing him pathetically. 

Cale, in the end, I deserve this. 

He will never despise Cale, no matter how much pain he causes him. He had every right to hurt him. But…

"I'd rather you hurt me physically than do this."

He's terrified of learning that Cale has left the world without him knowing. 

He’s afraid that he’d be left behind without telling Cale how much he’s sorry and how much he loves him. 

[***]

Cale groggily woke up. His body was numb, but it wasn't hurting. He touched the spot where the masked bastard stabbed him, and everything was healed. His body, cursed by time, was also cursed. 

At the expense of his slowly deteriorating soul, he must regenerate and become accustomed to pain. 

He will disappear like dust without leaving any trace of him. 

"How can you still smile like that?" he asked, looking up to see Choi Han staring at him with such intensity. 

"It's just that I'm happy," Cale said as he slowly sat up.

That even if he were to leave this world, no one would miss him. 

Even if he vanished completely, no one will mourn his death. 

Death isn’t kind. As far as he can tell, it's dark and black. There isn't anyone else. 

With the twilight shining on them, their shadows stretched out in the ground. Cale can smell winter as the wind becomes colder. The season will soon arrive in this town. 

Cale was overjoyed to be able to gaze at the first snow flower of the year with someone. 

I pray that these days will continue forever. 

Cale smiled even wider and said, "This is the first time I've watched the first snowfall with someone."

Choi Han's eyes were a little teary. Cale's smile was genuine, innocent, and filled with pure happiness. 

"It's all right..."

Cale gave him a puzzled look. 

"We can always watch the first snowfall together every year..."

The wind rattled Cale’s heart. Cale's smile finally reaches his eyes, causing the night to shake. The sorrowful expression transforms into a genuine smile. 

The snow flowers kept falling. 

It covered the greens and colorful flowers incessantly. 

Cale realized what love is... wanting to do something for someone else. 

Genuine affection for all types of people. 

For someone else... 

For someone like him. 

"I'll be with you at every moment when your smile is wet with tears," Choi Han said, as if he didn't have a place to go back to.

Cale was overjoyed at this point. 

"You really are a good person," Cale said with a big smile on his face. 

Choi Han gave him a friendly smile and handed him the burnt fish. It's bitter and a little fishy, as if it wasn't thoroughly washed. 

It was, however, the first meal that Cale happily shared with someone. 

It wasn't a fine dining experience or an extravagant meal... 

A simple yet hearty meal. 

Cale decided that as long as this memory lasts in this life... 

He'll softly draw all these memories in his heart, along with the people he'll happily spend it with. 

That way, he won't be left with nothing when they finally abandon him. 

"Then Han-yah will become my best friend to mess with whenever it snows."

Cale finally laughed heartily for the first time. 

.

.

.

Choi Han did not inform Cale that the County Knights were looking for him. They both traveled to the West. Cale appeared to be determined to visit the Capital. The founding ceremony will be held soon. 

Cale looked at Choi Han. He'd tease the man every now and then. Cale didn't have to do much work because Choi Han always does the hunting and heavy lifting. Choi Han was overly cautious of him. He never told him he was sick or dying. However, for a man of his caliber, he knew that Choi Han instinctively knew that. 

“I think we should rest here.” Choi Han said. Cale nodded, and they set up their camp near the river. Choi Han left him to find some fruits to go with the wild boar he caught. 

Cale sat down and prepared the fire. He remembered the day when he first learned this. Ron taught him how. 

Surely, that old man won’t think about him. That man already abandoned him thrice along with his son. But Cale couldn’t hate him, he respected that man for all the things he did for him back when he was alone. To him, Ron was the only elder who was with him during those times and a weak and useless master would of course get him fed up. 

He shook his head and decided not to think about them. 

But when he did, he heard the familiar footsteps of someone he knew. 

“You are here.”

That profound voice gave him chills. Cale stood up in fright. He looked at the two men who had emerged from the shadows. Ron and Vicross stood there dressed as assassins. Of course, he was not surprised. From his first regression, he knew why both of them came to Henituse County. He knew exactly who they were. He recognized them because they tried to kill him in his third regression. 

Cale took a look at them. 

Ron stared at him and the things around him. 

Of course, the sheltered puppy lives in this manner. Nobody in their right mind would live like this after coming from a wealthy family. 

But Cale was different...

"Go back..." he said. 

The butler's stern expression was a sight to behold. "Is that a command?"

"No... It's a sincere plea," Cale said with a smile. This man was more to him than a father figure. That's why he talks to him like this, as if he's a child begging his parent to let him go. 

"Your disappearance has caused many mishaps throughout the county."

"Then just tell him to forget about me."

"My Lord..."

Cale smiled as a tear streamed down his cheek. 

"I'm not going back... That place isn't my home..." 

This is what Ron told him when he begged him to return in his second regression. As if telling him he wasn't good enough to help him. 

"I'm looking for a place for myself... so I'm not going back..."

His heart was pierced by the words like a bullet.

He could feel the sadness returning... The agony of being alone.

"Please," he says, laughing, "leave me alone... Ron... I..."

If Cale would admit one thing, he can find God's grace, of his wish being granted, in every mistake he makes.

Time certainly flies. He was just wondering right now.

His heart is pounding so loudly.

He is unable to breathe.

The scent of oak soothed him. He'll never get tired of the scent.

"I... I... Don't want to eat alone," he admitted, "it's lonely... suffocating... I...I..."

Cale smiled bitterly, attempting to explain himself to the man who would soon abandon him.

"I don't want to be by myself again."

He tightened his grip as if his life depended on it.

"I don't want to be left alone again."

TBC

Chapter Text

"I'm a shadow, a mere shadow," Cale said as he locked his gaze on Ron. 

Rainy, cloudy, no light, darkness, day and night, since he left, perhaps his very existence has vanished. That was the moment he let him go somewhere else and leave everything behind.

"Ron," Cale asked, "will you spare me the agony of isolation?"

The old man gave him a sidelong glance. He noticed the latter trembling slightly with nervousness.

They both maintained their distance. Taking glance after glance, but it was all for nothing.

"I'm tired, Ron... Tired of everything... That's why I left."

The old man was looking solemn right now. Ron may not share his sentiments, nor the feelings he has for his elder as a child. 

"I'm going to die, Ron..."

His solemn expression had darkened. Ron was taken aback, as was Vicross. He might be confused because he spends the majority of his time with Cale. 

Cale sat down, looking lonely and depressed. Deep dark atoms covered his skin, making him wonder if his life would end tonight, but it never seemed to be his last breath.' The old man in front of him opened his mouth to relieve him of any pain from breathing his jealousy. It smelled like a broken trust that he had never seen or experienced.

The sky was so dim that even the cloud, like his heart, seemed desperate, ready to drop and begin the ensemble of life. Beyond this sight, all he could see was an angel, an angel he never imagined would come after him. The one he expected to stay, like a powerful drug that entangled himself to him. He couldn't keep him, so he flew away quickly and softly.

When he reached the end of his journey, he said to himself, 'Just forget if you can, that I never frowned and remembered only to smile.'

He gently placed his fingers on his chest. Cale had finally made up his mind.

'It was only you whom I will never forget... Despite the fact that I am not present... Always... Forever...'

Why are they so far away?

Why did being around these people make him feel like he was always alone?

Why would they take another person's hand when he was covered in blood and flash?

Even if I can't become one of yours, you'll be one of the most important people in my life. 

Cale asked himself these questions every night. Every night, we go to bed with no response. Perhaps... he reasoned. Maybe he was talking to himself, like an abnormal man. Here he closes his eyes, and this is what he sees in a flashback of life;

A figure standing before him in the lone night of a ruined County. The profound voice, the one and only single smile, the hand that pushed him away. The distance, the pain, the years of waiting for a chance to see this man and apologize—a single chance to say what he wanted. 

"It's okay, Ron..." Cale smiled, "I'm sorry for not being a good master... I'm sorry for being a child and causing you trouble..."

Even if this man did not consider him in those regressions. 

Cale will be eternally grateful to this man for the years he spent suffering alongside him. 

Every tear he shed felt like his heart stopped for a moment. His dreams were all gone, he never got to grow old and take his last breath seeing his face, he was the only thing he had left in his life and now he was gone forever. The only people he wanted to be with, spend time with, be happy, smile, laugh......

To adore. Oh, how his heart shook at the thought.

His people will never support him.

It was always him, left alone... To be taken for granted...

Always in pain.

He knew his days were numbered; he hadn't been able to eat or sleep for several weeks due to his poor health. His deteriorating health would prevent him from living his life to the fullest.

He has to stop.

Stop tormenting himself.

Stop causing himself pain.

Stop asking for more than what is given to him.

Was he at fault?

He only loved—lived for love. His entire life would have been a regret if it hadn't been for those happy days.

He was able to get himself going. "Can I live without happiness? Can I live with that sadness?" he asked himself. "I don't know...I don't know anything anymore... I just...Want to be with them... That's all I ever ask."

But the more he desires them, the further they move away from him. 

He knew he had to put an end to this farce without putting himself or himself in danger by pushing himself to him. His only way out... It's to give them up... And then let them go... Allow them to be with people who can provide them with a worthwhile lifetime. Someone who can be with them, care for them and fill the void of penance and agony that he cannot.

He was well aware... He must put an end to this madness.

'My broken heart and I agreed that I and them could never be, so I set them free with my all.'

He made his decision.

Even if he's on a fiery path. Hurry and erase the goodbyes that have smeared black across the sky.

He wants to be by their side, but he can't get any closer, so he can't even look at them.

Because... He was a mere shadow of the past.

He can love them from afar. 

"Love is not self-centered... It is giving..."

He wishes he could return to the dazzling days, the beautiful days when they were always together, like a shadow when that person's smile shone on him.

The sun is hiding early in the morning yet again today. The light vanished as it took them and flew far away from his grasp. The distance between them grows wider.

Erase, forget it, and then erase it. He no longer enjoys it; in fact, he despises it.

For them, he would cry in the darkness as he call out their name. He will wait for them to be together again.

Not this time.

Not now...

Not this.

But... A lifetime after death.

'Oh, forgetting them is like erasing myself.'

This love was so painful for him that he became numb.

A love he is willing to push into the corner. 

Stepping in front of him, a wide back stood strong. Cale looks at Choi Han, who is looking at these people solemnly. 

"Leave or I will kill you."

The soft voices that promised to look at every snowfall inquired. 

"Are you all right, Cale-nim?" 

Cale looks up, relieved that someone has finally said something he wants to hear. 

"You've been through enough, Cale-nim; you can relax; I'll handle everything."

It's the kind that keeps you coming back even when you're in pain.

...to be continued...

Chapter Text

Choi Han and the Molrans got into a brawl. Cale tried to stop them, but none of them listened to him. He was well aware that his words were meaningless. He had little if any, influence over them. 

The reason he left was because he didn’t want this. 

Did I make the wrong decision again?

He asked himself. 

His head was already ringing loudly. With a loud cough, his world began to spin erratically. He looked down at his hands. His own blood was dripping from his palms, decorating them. He became aware of the strange silence and looked up to see three wide eyes staring at him. 

He collapsed to the ground before he could say anything, having lost consciousness. 

Damn this feeble body!

[*****]

Ron focused his attention on the young boy in front of him. When Cale unceremoniously fell to the ground, they and Choi Han ceased fighting. The puppy young master he used to serve is reduced like this. 

He can’t help but feel enraged. Not to him, but to himself. 

When Ron attempted to approach the young lord, the black-haired man thrust his sword at them. 

"Do you want him to suffer?"

The man remained silent. He simply took a step back and took Cale in his arms before fleeing the Molrans. Both father and son wore solemn expressions. They shouldn't care about that boy, but something in their chest, like a thug, keeps pushing them to follow him. 

The young master who was overcome with grief. 

The boy who accepted full responsibility. 

Ron should not be emotionally attached to that boy. He shouldn't be concerned about what happened to him. He knows he shouldn't, but something powerful compels him to accompany him. 

“We’ll follow!”

Vicross was befuddled. His father is not someone who will go after someone they decide to use. Serving that foolish and naive young master was just a ruse. He was the ideal bulwark against the enemy.  

Nonetheless, he is angry at himself for thinking that way. 

He used to believe that people who can't throw away something important can't hope to change anything. They've already suppressed all of their emotions, but this situation forces those humane, foolish emotions to surface. 

It's as if they knew they'd be sorry if they let that boy go without knowing why. 

"We're not going to attack! We're on our own!" Vicross exclaims, but the man does not stop. He kept running, and they soon arrived at the village next to the county. The man was unconcerned. He just ran as fast as he could to one of the nearby clinics. 

Both Ron and Vicross remained silent. The man stormed in and even threatened the healer. 

They both just stood on the sidelines and paid whatever fees were due. 

"He needs rest; as a low-rank healer, I can't tell exactly what's wrong, but I can tell his body is weak."

The man bowed his head and took a seat next to Cale. His face was pale, and his fingers were getting cold. 

"You're useless!" Ron sneers, shoving him to the side. He started caring for Cale and even changed his clothes. 

"Are you sure you're not going to take him back?"

"Why would we? We've already decided to leave," Vicross said as he set the bowl of porridge he had prepared on the table. Choi Han simply nodded and relaxed his guard. They smell dangerous, but they won't harm Cale. 

Ron continued to look after Cale. He learned that the young lord was sick and wanted to leave the county. The Count refused to let him, instead dismissing him as if he hadn't heard anything. Count Deruth appeared to have chosen the incorrect answer, as his son was serious about forging his own path. 

"Pathetic, isn't he?" Ron smirks. Deruth Henituse was a pitiful individual. He had no idea that his own son was going through all of this on his own. He didn't realize how bravely this child took on all the burden and lived for him. 

He cursed himself, mockingly. 

He didn't fare any better than the count. He, the butler, who had been watching this child for years, had no idea he had contracted such a terrible curse. 

He felt sorry for this child who had been carrying his heart in his sleeves for years. 

He remembered Vicross as a child when they had lost everything and were living with their emotions that were slowly dying. 

They all remained silent until they heard the groaning sound of Cale writhing in pain. He's trashing on the bed, cold sweat dripping down his brow.  

Rons did his job expertly and kept patting the child on the chest to help him breathe. 

“M…mom…”

Cale's eyes welled up with tears. 

Choi Han, who was gritting his teeth, caught Ron's gaze. He knew he resented himself for being unable to alleviate Cale's suffering. For being powerless, for not being able to assist him in making ends meet. 

Cale soon reached out his hand, as if he were running after someone. Choi Han stood up to reach for that hand, but Ron was quick enough to grab it. 

"You can handle it, Young Lord."

The moment he said those words, images of memories began to flood inside his head. He was stunned for a split second. 

They have grown apart. They lived in the same house, but they seemed to be strangers to each other. Deruth, on the other hand, couldn't help but be proud of his son, who was far stronger than him.

He stated this with great pride. It reassured him that there was nothing he needed to do. It was like that. Cale was the one who kept him safe and helped him recover from his insanity. "What a brave child."

"Pardon me, my lord," Ron, his Head Butler, said solemnly.

He turned to face his servant, who was speaking out of turn. 

"While the young master appears to be strong in your eyes, he is still a child," Ron says.

Cale is still a child, after all.

"I'm afraid the young master will mature after this," Ron says, "so I'd like to speak out of turn."

The image of a proud Ron flashed through his mind. An image of Cale pleading with him to stay. An image of him dying miserably, with this boy clutching his hand. 

"I'm so sorry, Ron... I'm so sorry..."

Cries of anguish. 

The one-sided admiration. 

"Even if you don't consider me anything in your life, Ron, you're a parent to me."

Cale’s painful expression filled his head. 

“In the next life...”

After breaking that person's heart, the person in there realized how much he loved him.

However, it was too late.

If only he had known, he would never have let go in the first place.

However...

He is unable to give up... He is still looking for that ray of hope.

"I'll make sure you and your son get the life you deserve, Ron."

Ron looked down. He could feel a sharp pang in his chest. 

"Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry... for not being a good master..."

His heart was pounding in excruciating pain. He had no intention of breaking his vow with his son… but…

"No one will ever welcome me home again." 

Their home is somewhere where someone is expecting them. The meaning of the redhead's words was as clear to Ron as the sky. Nobody would welcome Cale back. Only a senile old man, the son of a bitch who only thought of using him. Nobody would expect them to return in one piece or unharmed. They had long forgotten how they felt at home, and Cale Henituse's memories brought it back to them. They had recently lost their home, which they had determined would be their final.

He doubted himself.

When did curiosity turn into trust?

When did fascination turn into admiration?

When did that stranger become someone you could return to?

He shook his head and said emphatically, "from the beginning."

Both he and his son are in denial.

“I regretted it.”

The Ron in those memories smiled bitterly…

"If only... I had been a good man..."

The words of regret and failure… 

"I would never have abandoned you..."

"Of course... accepting the fact that home no longer exists is difficult."

They have nowhere else to go but to him. Ron could only laugh, his voice cracking from the pain.

These memories... Cale Henituse's memories? 

He turned around and walked away, leaving his son to his own devices. He could only allow him to do so because he lacks the courage to stop him.

He realized his curiosity had turned to affection the moment he saw Cale writhing in pain in front of his eyes.

He gripped Cale's hand tightly. He had the clothes he was going to change Cale into. 

He struggled to keep his cool while this redhead lay motionless in front of him. He couldn't hold on to the blade that had once calmed his raging body.

At the moment... He's resigned himself to nothingness, serving the sick and frail Cale as a consolation for this old, pointless life.

"Young Master-nim," he said softly as he gradually changed Cale's clothes for the rest of the day. Only by continuing to touch his master's body could he regain his senses. He'd never served anyone else with such dedication and care. 

He had a question. 

He was devastated. His heart seemed to be empty. 

He wants to ask him about what he saw when he held his hand?

Ron could only place his forehead on the back of Cale's hand slowly as he continued to kneel before him.

He hears a voice calling out to him. As he buried his face in Cale's hand, he heard his own voice speaking to him. 

"To the Ron of the past..."

He wanted one more chance, one more moment, to put it all behind him if the gods would let him.

These are the emotions that the Ron of the future he hears right now is experiencing. 

"Please don't abandon this child..."

If the gods do not agree, his future self wishes Cale the best in his next life.

"And guide him through this final regression."

"I'll be there for you until the day I die."

TBC

Chapter Text

Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to understand happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to understand presence.

Unfortunately, some people will only learn to appreciate you by losing you.

Cale awoke to find himself surrounded by sleeping people. He looked at Ron, who was tightly gripping his hand. He did not know how long he had been sleeping, but he knew that staying with these two would be detrimental to his health. 

He pushed himself out of bed, ignoring the pain in his chest and head. 

He looked at Choi Han, who was making sure Ron and Vicross were sound asleep. 

He patted the old man on the back, brushed his hair away from his face, and said, "I only want to be around people who love me, not people who pretend to."

Yet… 

"Thank you, Ron... for being there for me during the darkest days of my life." 

He rose to his feet and took Choi Han's hand in his. Choi Han carried him without hesitation, and they left the inn, leaving the father and son behind. 

Throughout their journey, Choi Han remained silent. Cale was in pain as well, but everything is fine. He realized right away that using his life would be nothing more than a show for the gods. 

“How long have I been asleep?”

Choi Han responded, "A week, Cale-nim." He sat on one of the large trees, carefully tucking Cale into his arms. 

“I’m sorry.”

"It is all right, Cale-nim..." 

He wanted to travel alone, but Choi Han accompanied him. 

"Ah, it is around that time." 

“What time?”

"We need to go somewhere and save someone, Choi Han."

Cale smiled. They have already arrived in the territory of Tolz. Choi Han piggybacked him to the nearest inn to the villa where Cale desired to stay. 

It is a good thing Choi Han took Ron and Vicross' money before they left. He knew Cale's body could not withstand the harshness of the wilderness. 

But... "Hyung-nim?" Cale turned around to see Bassen standing right behind him. The boy looked at him with his eyes turning red in anger. Cale trembled lightly. He expected Bassen to go the other way, but he found himself in a remote area he is never visited in his three previous lives. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHERE WERE YOU!? DIDN’T YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE COUNTY AFTER YOU LEFT?!” 

Cale remained silent. Bassen was staring at him and questioning him, but Cale refused to respond. 

"What is WRONG, HYUNG-NIM? Are not YOU THE ONE WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING TO INFURIATE EVERYONE? WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING? Are not YOU GOOD AT TAUNTING PEOPLE?! Are not YOU GOOD AT SHUTTING PEOPLE DOWN?! HYUNG-NIM!"

Cale remained deafeningly silent. Choi Han tried to silence the noble, but Cale was holding the hem of his shirt. 

"Is not it wonderful?" 

"You would not have to put up with the bastard hyung-nim who you despised the most," Cale said as if he had heard the most absurd thing in the world.

Cale looked at Bassen. 

But he held his breath the moment he saw Bassen’s pained expression. 

"Hold that person now," Bassen said, "we are going back to the county!"

“BASSEN HENITUSE!”

“YOU ARE COMING BACK WITH ME!” Bassen angrily replied. 

"I am not going back, Bassen," Cale stated firmly. 

"Do you really hate us? To the point where you would not even want to see us? What is with your dying crap?" snickered Bassen, "Is not that just one of your excuses? Just tell if you hate us! But... atleast do not make your father worry too much for you!"

Cale burst out laughing. It started with the Molrans and has now progressed to Bassen. 

"Sometimes I do not tell you how I am feeling because I am hoping the silence between us will give you a hint." 

The painful past, the sad ending that he drew between them. 

"All I have ever done is protect you; do not you understand?"

"Understand what? You are the one who does not understand; you are dying alone when we are right here with you waiting for you to say a word," Bassen said.

The melancholy tone, the desperate plea. 

“You were the one who pushed us all away.”

The hardest part in life is trying to show the smile you know is fake and to hide the tears that won’t stop.

"Hyung-nim... I have always looked up to you," Bassen said, "but you never looked at us back."

Cale was the one who pushed everyone away because he believed it was not his place. 

"You offered me your place to be accepted, but Hyung-nim... Not once... I took that... I was always watching you."

People destroy the things they fear. For example, some people are afraid of love because they are afraid it will make them vulnerable, exposed, and open, and they are afraid it will destroy them. 

"Whenever we tried to approach you, you always took a step back." Bassens smiled bitterly. "I was always watching you... Not once in my life have I forgotten to wish a future where I can be your true brother. Not once have I wasted a wish.... I always wish to become a part of the world you are seeing."

Cale looks at his brother, who is crying in front of him. 

"Hyung-nim, are not you sick of running away?" 

"I am tired," Cale said with a smile.

Bassen's face brightened. 

"But that is not a place I can return to."

He had so much love in his heart, but he did not leave any for himself. 

"Bassen... If you ever cared about me... you would not have waited until I turned this way."

They were both waiting for the other to say something, but Cale gave up. 

"I... do not want to go through pain for love again."

Cale, no matter how hard he works to protect them all, their lives will always be his top priority. 

His joy comes from seeing them live.

"I... do not want to expect anything anymore."

Choi Han then took him in his arms and destroyed a portion of the inn. 

The knights were about to follow, but Bassen didn’t move. 

“Don’t follow him.” Cale looked at Bassen, who retracted his previous order. 

Cho Han looked back and caught what Bassen threw a back of coins to them and medicine he prepared beforehand. 

Cale looked at him. 

“Hyung-nim…”

Choi Han stopped. 

"I will always be here for you."

Bassen did talk to him and eventually gave up. He did not understand why, but Bassen appears to have picked up on something. 

Cale could not stop crying in his arms as Choi Han ran away again. 

A young man who ran away from home to find himself. 

A family who demanded his return. 

He will be served by servants. 

A brother who abandoned him to wait for him to return on his own. 

Choi Han could not help but pity the boy. 

"Choi Han..." Cale sobbed, "It is painful, Choi Han."

The boy was constantly crying. Choi Han came to a halt and patted his head. 

It hurts to say goodbye to someone he cares about, knowing that life will never be the same without him. But it is better to give up than to fight knowing that he is the only one fighting.

Cale, who has lost faith in the world, is well aware of this. 

Yet… 

Hearing the words he had longed to hear made him hesitate once more. 

When it comes to love, even the most intelligent people become stupid.

There is no one who believes or trusts someone blindly, and when trust is broken, it hurts a lot.

Hope, Trust, chance, and Expectations.

These are the words that Cale didn’t want to believe and was trying his best to ignore. 

He knows very well what it’s like to have his world completely ripped apart. 

TBC

Chapter Text

“Choi Han…”

Cale called out Choi Han's name softly. The person who used to beat him up for the past three regressions has now become his only companion. 

"Would you believe me if I told you that this is my fourth and final life?" 

Choi Han is staring at him. The fire they built sputtered silently into the night. 

"I believe you," Choi Han said. "Would Cale-nim believe me if I told him I was not from this world?"

Cale nodded and smiled. 

"This is my final regression, Choi Han." 

This is his one and only chance. 

They remained silent for a few moments. 

"Is that why you keep pushing everyone away?"

Cale shook his head. 

“I just can’t take another Heartbreak, Choi Han.” 

Choi Han hitched his breath the moment he heard Cale. 

"I am hearing all the words that I did not hear in the previous ones," Cale said bitterly. "If... They said so, would I live differently now?"

Choi Han remained silent. He just looked at Cale with a tender gaze. This man had no one to lean on. He did not have anyone right now. He can tell he is scared of everything that is about to happen to him, but he still takes a step forward. 

This man is looking for something that no one can provide. 

"Cale-nim, you will be healed, forgiven, and refreshed very soon, free of all trauma, pain, guilt, and shame," Choi Han finally said.

Clae cast a glance at Choi Han. 

"I sincerely hope it happens... and that you smile from the bottom of your heart."

I wish him the happiest life possible. 

[***]

When Deruth's hand landed on Bassen's cheeks, he turned to the right. 

"You let your brother go? Bassen, did you think I was a fool?" Deruth arrived just as Cale was leaving the inn.

Bassen was standing blankly, thinking of all the things he and the whole family have done. 

"I did, and I do not regret it."

He used to look up to and respect this person, but he began to question their actions and how they treated Hyung-nim. 

He was hurt when Deruth became addicted to alcohol after Cale left. He saw his mother attempt to break it, but Deruth was always on the run, looking for his son. His grief could not keep up with his health, so he turned to alcohol to help him cope. 

They are not a good family. 

They were never a good family, no matter how the nobles perceived them. 

"Bassen Henituse!"

"WE WERE WRONG! Can not YOU UNDERSTAND WHY HYUNG'S DOING ALL THIS? Can not YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND THAT THE COUNTY BECAME HIS PRISON? YOU CAN GIVE HIM ALL THE WEALTH! ALL THE THINGS HE WANTS! YOU CAN GIVE HIM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS AND PROVIDE FOR HIM UNTIL THE END!"

That is what I am saying. 

That is what he gleaned from Cale's words. The reason he did not want to go back. 

It is heartbreaking that even blood relatives can betray each other.

Cale felt cheated. 

He was waiting for everything on his own. 

He has every right to be disgusted with them. 

He is perfectly entitled to abandon them. 

Yet… 

Cale, on the other hand, never did. He never despised them. 

He never treated them with disdain. 

THEY DID, Deruth, Violan, Him, and Lilly. They were so indifferent to Cale that he gave up the thing he most desired. 

A child that’s being abandoned by its family doesn’t stop loving its parents, it stops loving itself. 

Sometimes one has to accept that certain things will never be the same again. Cale was aware of this. Cale had realised everything. 

That is why he chose to flee: to protect his heart and what little faith he still had. 

Even if it is just the thought that he once loved him, it will bring him comfort.  

Cale… 

Sometimes you have to accept that certain things will never be the same again.

Family is supposed to be Cale's safe haven, but it is also the source of his deepest heartaches.

"We were wrong! We drove him this far! Because we thought it was okay! Because we thought he was strong even when he wasn't! We—you drove him far away and hurt him the most. You, this family, drove him to the corner!"

They were completely unaware that he was in pain. 

They had no idea he was crying. 

None of them understood what Cale truly required. 

They are all wrong. 

His family... 

His family had no idea in what hell he would be living his entire life. 

"A million words would not bring him back, I know because I tried, and a million tears would not bring him back, I know because he cried."

Deruth's heart was painfully shaken by Bassen's words. 

"Where were we when he needed us the most?" Bassen asked, "None of us were there when he was all by himself, taking all the blame."

People often say that family is the most important thing in life, but it is usually family members who hurt each other the most deeply and painfully.

"I... regretted... being a Henituse..." Bassen spoke softly, "If... I can not save the man who I look up to... I will surely hate this name until the day I die. Hyung-nim... asked me and begged me... Even if it would be words of betrayal—I will never betray him. So stand aside, father."

He will never look away from the truth. 

He can only offer his support and wait for Cale. 

That is the reason. 

"Count Henituse, return to the county," Bassen said. "You are the one who hurt him the most. You should be the most prepared. You should know by now the hole that Hyung-nim has left. Do not look for him anymore."

He will go to any length to ensure Cale has the time of his life and finds happiness for himself, even if he will regret not being by his side until the end. The only thing he can do is find him, support him, provide him with the best possible assistance, and allow him to fulfill the words that the county instilled in them.  

“Let Hyung-nim live in peace and happiness.”

[***]

“This is?”

Cale was looking at the young Dragon in front of them when Choi Han looked at him. They simply slipped past the villa's surveillance. Cale took the black dragon from his cell and walked outside silently, just as they had when they arrived. 

Choi Han smiled softly as he watched Cale carefully attend to the dragon. 

"You are free."

After all mana restrictions were removed from him, the dragon simply remained silent while being fed a healing potion. 

Cale and the Dragon both remained silent. 

“Why?” 

The childish voice returned. 

"You are weak; why did you save me?"

The man is free whenever he wants to be.

But that is not the case in this world. 

"I wonder," Cale said, turning away, "but no one can take your freedom away, just like how life will be." 

This dragon annihilated the Tolz territory. Choi Han had killed this dragon, he remembered. And this black dragon's heart was used as a catalyst to become an imperfect dragon slayer. 

A child, or four years old. He is even more pitiful than him, which is why he could not ignore him. 

He saved a child's life as well as the lives of many others. That in itself is enough. 

“Goodbye.”

Freedom is something that no one in this world understands, but a young child can be freer than anyone else. 

This way, he was able to save the lives of many, and a burden in his heart finally settled. 

“Let’s go to Breck Choi Han.”

Choi Han looked at him and said, “Alright.”

TBC

Chapter Text

“Hello.” Cale removed the hood as he looked at Rosalyn, the Princess of Breck Kingdom. They saved her from an assassination attempt, and she’s looking at them. 

She still looked as beautiful as always. Cale used to admire her. One thing is for sure, she looks the best with magic. 

“You are?”

“My name is Cale.” He smiled at her.

Rosalyn stared at him and Choi Han. 

“I know you’re confused, but I want to ask for   help.”

There is one more person that Cale wants to protect. 

That child, Lark. 

One of the few people who never treated him badly. The child who would sit down beside him and comfort him, in all his reincarnations. But he’s not strong enough to help him on his own. All he can do is seek help from all these people and stop that man from destroying the world in time. 

Cale knew that Rosalyn would accept it. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t want to owe anyone one bit. 

He smiled when Rosalyn accepted his request. They paved their way to the Wolf Village. 

They made one stop for the night. 

Rosalyn and Choi Han were taking turns taking guard. 

“He’s weak.”

“He is.” Choi Han spoke with a soft smile on his face. 

“Why is he doing all this then?” 

Choi Han smiled at her and said, “If I tell you, would you accept it?”

Rosalyn remained silent. If it’s unreasonable, she won’t. After all, it’s the greatest trash in history that was the sole dirt on a very well-known and respectable noble. 

“Cale-nim had lived in hell. I can’t tell you the details but, he wants to save as many people as possible.” Choi Han’s voice made Rosalyn pause. “To a dying man, all he ever wanted to find was a place where he could peacefully pass away.”

Rosalyn was silent. Choi Han looked to the side. He removed his cape and wrapped it around the trembling Cale. 

“He has lived numerous battles and this is his last.” 

Rosalyn really couldn’t understand what this man was saying but, looking at them, Cale was not an unreasonable man. In fact, he’s a good one. He wouldn’t come here to save her from the Archduke or ask for her help to save someone again. 

She gazed at the trembling Cale.

“He’s not getting any better.” She rose up and felt his temperature. She pulled out a bottle of healing potion and helped Cale's breathing ease. 

She stared at him, his eyes were deep, and his eyebags were noticeable. His skin is pale and dry, and his fingers are slowly becoming bony. 

This weak man is trying to save something from a bigger enemy. 

They set out at the allotted time, with Cale being carried by Choi Han in his back. Rosalyn helped decrease his temperature. 

As soon as they reached the Wolf’s Village. Everything was already on Fire. Cale finally woke up and tried to stand but he still wobbled on his feet. 

“Save as many as you can.” 

Cale smiled and said, “I’ll be fine.” 

Choi Han and Rosalyn nodded and proceeded to save the remaining wolf children. Cale became aware of a loud roar coming from the side. 

It was a stunning silver-gray wolf that went berserk for the first time. 

“Lark.” 

The beast looked at him. 

“Lark.” 

He calls once more. 

“You can stop now Lark.” 

He was still too late, but saving wolf children was preferable to saving nothing. 

"Lark... You are a wolf, and you have a family to protect." 

Lark charged at him, but Cale simply extended his arms. He felt the pain of Lark's fangs on his shoulder, but he still embraced the child. 

"You have done well, Lark. You have done well."

Cale heard a soft whimper of despair while Lark calmed down and lost consciousness in the midst of the crackling flames. They slowly fell to the ground. 

Cale just embraced the child and reminisced about the moment when this child held him close during his first death. The only warmth he received was from the only person who actually mourned for him. He calmly patted the child’s head and remained seated. 

What is sad is that sometimes people spend their final days comforting those around them who will go on without them, but they forget they are going through one of life's most terrifying experiences, and how he managed to keep it together. Damn.

Cale became the personification of this one. 

Choi Han and Rosalyn all looked at him as he patted the young wolf to sleep. 

"You have done well, Lark; all the best." 

Choi Han tried to hold back his tears, but knowing what Cale was going through made him cry. He is feeling sympathy, anguish, and loneliness. Cale is incredibly compassionate to those who have experienced similar trauma. 

Worse, his pain is nothing compared to theirs. 

The agony of witnessing his loved one's death all over again. The never-ending vicious cycle of surviving in a ruined world. 

"We should take him to safety with the children," Cale said, looking at Choi Han.

Choi Han nodded, holding the unconscious Lark in his arms with care. Rosalyn tried her best to lead the others, while Cale trailed behind them. 

If I want to help them calm down. Cale thought it would be unusual of him to do this but, Bassen is my only choice to keep these children safe. 

They travelled back to the capital at a rapid pace. Rosalyn helped in traveling around, using transportation spells every once and a while. They reached the capital, where Bassen would be staying for the time being. 

They slipped past the patrol and reached the Henituse Villa, where an expecting Bassen Henituse awaited. 

“Bassen.”

Bassen looked at him and the children trailing after him. 

“What do you want me to do, Hyung-nim?”

His voice was cold and in pain. Cale carefully gazed at him and felt bad. He remembered their conversation days before he went to Breck Kingdom. 

“Can the I entrust these children to the County?” He softly asked. 

Bassen let out a sigh. He’s teary eyed. 

“You’re thin.” 

It’s been just a week but... 

“Have you been taking your medicine?”

Cale didn’t want to hear this but Bassen was asking him. 

“I did.” 

Bassen nodded and opened the doors for them. 

“Take a rest inside.”

“I can’t stay here, Bassen.”

“I won’t stop you if you leave but... I want to make sure you’re fine. Rest before you leave, please.” 

Cale knew that Bassen was trying his best not to stop him. He bit his lips but Choi Han beat him to it. 

“Thank you very much, Young Lord Henituse.” 

He looked at Choi Han, who answered for him. Choi Han gazed at him and said, “You’ve been quite in pain, Cale-nim. You should take this offer.” 

Rosalyn, who was watching them, can’t help but feel helpless in this situation. One is offering help but the other wants to refuse it. But considering Cale’s expression, he must be in quite a lot of pain. 

“You don’t have to worry, Hyung-nim. Father won’t reach you here.” 

That sentence made Cale hold his breath. 

“I’m doing this all by myself. Don’t worry. Please rest.” 

Cale relaxed the moment he heard that. He calmly looked at Bassen, Choi Han, and the unconscious Lark. 

“Thank you.” and entered the villa, with Bassen leading him to his room. 

It’s been a while since he had a nice bath, wore nice clothes, and had a soft mattress to help him sleep. He looked in the mirror and saw himself. He is extremely thin, with pale, dry skin. He is only been a few weeks, but he already looks the part of a commoner. 

Nonetheless, it was more fulfilling than living a noble life. 

"Hyung-nim, I brought a doctor here." 

He opened the door, wearing a very simple tunic. Bassen was watching him like a hawk while the doctor examined him. 

“His health is deteriorating fast.” 

Cale was very much aware. He smiled at the doctor and said, “How long?” 

He’s asking how much he’ll live. 

The doctor looked at him and said, “You have less than three years.” 

“That’s enough.” 

Bassen looked at Cale. Cale didn’t bother doing anything. He just smiled at the doctor and said, “I already knew. It’s fine.” 

He could hear everyone’s sharp ‘tsk’ but he only kept a small smile on his face. 

The healer gave him some prescriptions, mostly vitamins, but he doubts, they’ll work on him. 

He turned to Bassen, Choi Han, and Rosalyn. The three of them are looking intently at him. He couldn’t help but just smile as if there was nothing wrong. 

“You’re not getting any better, Young Lord Cale.”

“Just call me Cale, Ms. Rosalyn. I’ve run away from home.” he jokes but no one bought it. 

“How long are you going to stay here, Hyung-nim?” Bassenc carefully asked. 

“Probably until the banquet ends.” He smiled. He plans on telling Alver Crossman about some things. Of course, it’ll be difficult considering his current situation, but, this is the best thing he can do right now. 

If everything burns to ashes, he better warn the person who’s mostly involved in this. 

“Let’s rest.” he laughs sinking into the bed. He felt someone slipping on the mattress. He gaze at Bassen who carefully tucked him to sleep. 

“You’re burning, Hyung-nim.”

Fevers are natural occurrence to him now. He didn’t feel any pain from headaches now. In fact he has always been lightheaded. He can’t help but smile at Bassen and say to him the most distant word he can say, “Thank you.”

There’s no need for thank you and sorry between family members. It’s a silent rule but Cale is so into keeping his distance from them. 

Bassen wore a very hurt expression as he sat on the couch and watch him sleep. 

.

.

Soon, Cale falls into a deep slumber. Bassen felt his heart breaking just watching his brother’s shallow breaths. He looked as if he’ll lose his breath in any moment now. 

He watched Choi Han and Rosalyn stood by like guards on duty. Bassen simply watched them. He listened to Cale’s shallow breathing before he held his hand, kiss it and place it on his forehead. He can’t help but silently cry right now. 

Cale’s hands were cold, sweat continued to broke, and his breathing became even more erratic and shallow. 

“How can you still smile despite all pain, Hyung-nim?”

He knew the answer but he can’t stop Cale from doing the thing that he wanted the most. 

He can’t help but cry with a sad smile. 

“Don’t disappear yet. I’m not ready yet.”

Even if he knew there were three more years, he could not believe it. Doctors and healers are not omnipotent enough to predict a person's lifespan. If the deities want to take back a life, they can do so in the most brutal and excruciatingly painful way possible. 

Suddenly, the communication device reddened. He calmly looked at Cale and activated it. Deruth was looking at him. 

“He’s fine. Don’t worry,” he said, still not letting Cale’s hand go. 

Deruth remained silent. 

“I told him that you wouldn’t be able to reach him.” 

“I know.”

He can see his father’s sad expression, holding back his tears. 

“Be sure to take care of him.”

TBC

Chapter Text

Cale carries inside red and blue lines. That one line of destiny will cross in his heart. 

Bassen could not stand up to the wind's voice, which was unable to produce the words he needed to deliver. 

The time is right, and the breeze is true. The ticking of the clock and his brother's almost silent breathing. The stars are young and inexperienced to the point of driving people forward, but not his brother. 

Cale will remain in the present, regardless of how things progress. 

"What is the matter with you crying?"

He fixes his gaze on his brother. His smile was as ghastly and pale as before. 

You ask me why I cry, but I never have an answer. 

With silent tears falling from his eyes, he knew that once this man left this place, the meaning of their encounter would be lost. 

Shouting alone will never be enough when his heart begins to race every time he looks at him. 

"Do you really not want to come back, Hyung-nim?"

Cale gave him a sad smile. 

"If I return... I will just think you are all pitying me."

It is as if his brother's words have made an impression on him. Right. Why would they treat him well now? They could’ve treated him better—even more—before they knew he was dying. They could’ve saved him early on but they ignored him, thinking that doing nothing was right. 

How many more meanings must we go through before we arrive at our destination?

Even if it is stupid or unattractive. Bassen knew that he would forever regret doing such a cruel thing to Cale. 

Bassen felt bad about how he treated his brother. 

"I should not have ignored you, I should not have kept you at arm's length; I just want to be real siblings with you, because I have always looked up to you."

Even this demonstrates how stupid and ineffective he is. 

He really wants to walk hand in hand with Cale as his support—his sibling—on the right path, so they can proudly say they are brothers. 

He assumed Cale disliked him and that their rescue from the Henituses was a spur-of-the-moment decision. 

He could not recall any special memories or express all of his emotions verbally. 

Perhaps, maybe

Only in this way can the heart be bred. 

If only I had noticed what you said to me, it would still be reverberating in my heart. 

“I regretted not being honest with you.” 

The words, he is Henituse, that he is a Henituse, made him so happy that he thrived for it. 

“Don’t get sick. Don’t look as if you’re going early."

He felt Cale’s hand on his cheek. It was cold and stiff, but he’s running a fever. 

“Thank you, Bassen.” 

He held his brother’s hand and shed tears of sadness. Cale just drew the line with him. Cale didn’t want anything to do with them anymore. 

It was a smile that assured him that everything would be fine. 

That sooner or later, these regrets would be forgotten after he died. 

He would have crossed the line he drew back then if he had known Cale would live like this. 

He had just realised that no matter how hard he tried to cross the line now, Cale would only see it as one of those moments of pity or regret—a one-time act of guilt towards the person they hurt the most. 

Bassen found himself aimlessly drifting in his reasons in this world where past and future collide. The uncertainty of what tomorrow may bring makes him unconcerned about the passage of time. 

He desires to halt the passage of time. 

Despite their fading nature, memories of the past hold a special place in his heart. 

Cale's gaze weakens him no matter how hard he tries to be strong. 

He knew he would never be able to persuade Cale to change his mind. 

Why would he cry if he is not weeping? His tears are not those of self-pity, but of a solemn sad wish that is too insignificant for the gods to notice. 

Despite his strong desire to assist Cale, he felt he could never reach him. 

"We should search for our future together," you say, but it is drenched in past memories and colours.

How can we make room for new experiences if we hold onto memories we do not want to forget?

I have realized I need to be strong because I can not stand seeing you cry. 

He wanted to stand beside this person. He wanted him to be proud of him. He worked so hard thinking that Cale might acknowledge him as his brother. 

But he was wrong. 

Cale, from the very time they met back when they were children, has already considered him family. 

This man loved them more than he loved his life, to the point where it became a shambles. 

Nonetheless, his very presence pushed Cale over the edge.  

"Hyung-nim..." A single tear was shed by a small bird, similar to a caged canary. 

It may appear insignificant, but it has the power to change the entire world, much like a single drop of water changing the color of the sea.

“I really love you, Hyung-nim.” 

Cale’s gaze was enough to weaken him. His insignificant tears would mean nothing to him but. 

“Please don’t push me away.” 

Please don’t give up on me. 

“Please… A chance, Hyung-nim. Just one chance.” 

Even if he has to beg, he will. 

"I do not want to live my entire life regretting not being able to help you." 

He had no idea how deeply he cared for him. 

Cale is his most adored sibling. 

"I know I am selfish... but Hyung..." 

He did not know when Cale got out of bed, but he ended up in his arms. He could not say anything and could only feel the soft pat that made his heart pound so hard. 

Cale did not say anything. 

Bassen remained silent as well. 

It was the first time the siblings had each other in their arms. 

.

.

.

It was at the meeting with the Northeast Nobles that Bassen was finally not seen by Cale's side.  

Of course, everyone in the County looked after Cale as he recovered. 

"You've come?" 

He can feel something heavy on him. It was invisible, but it was supplying him with mana. 

"Greetings, little dragon." 

A black dragon appeared out of nowhere. Its blue eyes were staring at him. 

"You're weak." 

"Yes, I am," I say, smiling like an idiot to a child. 

"You are not going to live very long." 

"Yes, I am about to die," he smiled again. 

The dragon huffs and says, "hmph." 

Cale only smiled. He remembered how this dragon died in Choi Han's hands. When Venion Sten attempted to tame him through all means of torture, he went insane. 

"You're a very beautiful dragon." 

"I am?" 

"Yes, your Raven black colour reminds me of the deep night sky, and your eyes resembled the blue moon that illuminated that night." 

"You looked pretty," the black dragon said, "but you should be handsome! Only girls should be called pretty!" 

Cale chuckles and reaches out to pat the dragon's head. Who would refuse the Dragon? 

Soon, Choi Han and Rosalyn entered with Lark. Cale felt at ease looking at how bright Lark’s face was right now. 

“Thank you, Young Lord-nim.” The wolf smiled at him. This boy, as usual, has the most beautiful smile of anyone he has met in his three previous lives. 

He sat down straight with an invisible dragon on his lap. 

“I will be direct and to the point.” 

"The people behind the Harris Village massacre and the attack on Wolf Village are related to the people who will attack during the Founding Celebration, including Breck Kingdom's Archducal house," he said, looking at them.

"So you knew?" Rosalyn asked, looking at him.

“Yes.” 

Rosalyn sounds cold right now, but she still has a very respectful smile on her face. 

"Mage Rosalyn." Not a princess, not a member of the royal family. "I need your assistance." 

Rosalyn, who despised being addressed as Princess, looked at him. This time, her eyes warmed and her voice shook with delight as she asked, "What is in it for me?"

"Magic bombs. High-grade magic bombs. I will give you one of those." 

"Cale-nim, the perpetrators of the attack are also the perpetrators of all the massacres across the continent."

"Yes," Cale says, explaining that he can not yet tell them about Mogoru Kingdom. 

“Alright, I’ll help.” Rosalyn smiled at him. 

Cale’s heart thumped. He really liked how Rosalyn would smile at him in those three regressions. Cale recalls how he came to save her when she was the only source of mana in this world. 

This time, you can not go to hell with me. 

“Cale-nim.” 

“I’ll be entering the palace as Representative of the Northeast.” He plans on going with Bassen. But it’s much better if he’s the only one to come. 

Cale remained silent but as soon as he did, two more figures entered the room. 

Ron and Vicross Molran stared at him. 

“Ah.”

“Hah.” Ron sighed. The father and son appeared disheveled at first, but as soon as they entered, they both kneeled in front of him. 

“My Lord.” 

Cale felt conflicted. 

“I am no longer your Lord.” 

Perhaps they should stay with Bassen or Choi Han but not with him. 

"In this life... you are our lord." 

He looked at them. He felt very warm as he smiled at them. 

Cale had no idea why these two had approached him. Nonetheless, Ron remained a significant figure in his life. 

He was his father figure during those times when Deruth could not be there. 

That is why he did not want anything to do with him; as soon as this man realises how useless he is, he will abandon him—mercilessly abandon him again. 

"My Lord," he said as he felt a gentle touch on his brow. 

“This Ron will not abandon you, My Lord.” 

Cale finally smiled. 

“Thank you.”

That’s all Cale can say about all the help he’s receiving right now. 

Somehow, in this last regression, he can be with them one last time. 

“Ron…” 

“Yes, My Lord.” 

“Never betray me.” 

Don't mercilessly abandon him again. 

“Yes, My Lord.” 

Everyone in that room silently swore an oath to serve this dying man. 

TBC

Chapter Text

It’s the day when all the young lords of Rowoon Kingdom attend the banquet that the Crown Prince hosted. Cale has never attended this banquet in his past regressions but he will try to save Bassen from the bombing this time. 

This time. He will protect his brother. 

This time, he won’t hold his cold, dead body while praying to deaf gods. 

This time, he won’t make the same mistake again. 

It’s the reason why he secretly gathered the ancient powers that he needed in this life without anyone, not even Choi Han, knowing. [Not even the reader’s knowing.]

The indestructible shield and the heart of vitality

He has to have Alver Crossman by his side. 

Even though that man despised him even until his death. 

“What should I do?” 

He tried talking to this man about the past regression but he ended up with a cold shoulder. He didn’t know why, but it must be because of his notoriousity. 

Alver Crossman seemed to despise him to the core. 

He led the entire Rowoon Kingdom to survival in his first regression. However, the adversaries were far too powerful for him. Because Choi Han and Rosalyn had finally fallen, Alver, the King of Rowoon, had to lead the forces himself. He died while being purified by the Church of the Sun God after his dark elf side manifested itself during his second regression.

Jack and Hannah. Moguro Emprie's twins: There is also Crown Prince Adin to consider. 

"I did not have a choice but to put Rowoon in a situation where the nobles might find out."

In his last regression, he realized that Alver Crossman used them to his liking and brought destruction to the world. He didn’t have the resources or the help he needed.

He simply self-destructed. 

He sided with the enemy at the very last moment and killed him. 

Alver Crossman. Whether he’s a friend or a foe, he will remain nothing to him. He still needs that bastard prince to move. 

I should stop him from falling into the enemy's hands. 

He looked at Bassen, who was currently drinking tea with him. His brother kept accompanying him now and then. This might seem to be a bit problematic but... 

He must be doing his best for the Naval Base Project. 

Cale smiled at his now-sleeping brother. Bassen had been pushing himself too far. 

"This is the last time I will impose myself on you," he said before leaving the villa to attend the banquet at his brother's place. 

He smiled bitterly as he observed everyone's expressions. The supposed missing trash of Count Henituse's family stands in front of them, majestic and delicate. 

Cale stood there with elegance and nobility that no one has exuded. 

There stood Alver Crossman. His helper, his prince, and his most precious friend from his last regression. 

He could still remember what Alver Crossman told him from the last turn. 

"If given a chance, I would like to save everyone." 

These are the words of a man who has lost himself, his kingdom, and his people. Eventually, he lost himself and chose destruction. 

Don’t worry, my friend.

Cale looked at him. 

Peace and happiness. Your family motto really seems very distant but It sounds really beautiful, right?

This time, for sure. 

Cale calmed himself, getting this chance to approach this man the proper way. 

In the next life, if given the opportunity... 

Remembering the words of the man who wanted to seize a future in which everyone could live equally and fearlessly. 

Even if it means taking my life.

I would like to live in a world where there is nothing but that.

I will save you and show you the wonderful world. 

Cale stood in front of the prince, who was staring at him as if he had seen something different. He honestly wanted to cry. Before he descended into depravity, he was the first person to acknowledge him in all three regressions. 

He was the only man who called him a friend when everyone abandoned him. 

Even when he said that to fool him or out of pity, it doesn’t matter. 

It doesn’t change the fact that this man gave him the chance of vengeance. 

Please…

Rowoon Kingdom’s crown prince, the eldest prince of the kingdom, AlverCrossman.

Cale quietly watched it all until it was his turn. The crown prince reached his hand out to Cale, who slightly bowed his head.

“Mr. Cale of the Henituse family, that is responsible for the edge of our Northeastern region. It may be my first time meeting you, but, thanks to Count Deruth’s good work, we are no longer afraid of the Forest of Darkness. You don’t know how reassuring that is for me and everyone else.”

He was a bit surprised to see him. Confusion was all over his face. 

“I’m glad you didn’t change at all. This is the first time we met each other in such a peaceful world.”

He felt really nostalgic the moment he heard him with that gentle voice again. 

He never had the chance to speak at him like this except for that one moment at the very end of his first regression. 

Cale had one goal while coming here today. He wants to have this person support him and keep him safe while he prepares for the war. 

“I heard that Lord Cale is a very free spirit. I’m sure this is because the artistic souls of the sculptures in the Henituse territory have given you an epiphany. I feel like your free spirit makes your soul very pure.”

It’s definitely difficult to find praise for someone famous for being trash like this. In that aspect, he was amazing. He had been able to use that damn tongue out of nowhere and mess with him during the war. Giving him hard to decipher hidden orders where he needed to rack his head up. 

Too bad you have no choice but to talk good about me. 

As long as I don’t do anything trashy in this gathering, he’d turn a blind eye to his unannounced appearance. The royal family wanted the Northeast under their control as well. Furthermore, there were no members of royalty who would despise someone like Count Henituse, who ruled over his territory very well.

“I will support you and end this nightmare. You’d be the best king. I knew that.”

Cale sincerely grabbed the crown prince’s hand, he didn’t bother using a glib tongue. He simply smiled peacefully, like an old friend who had met his best friend after a long time. It was his turn now.

The crown prince had blonde hair and was wearing a formal outfit. Cale had his red hair and a formal outfit as well. Both of them looked relaxed. Cale’s calm voice filled the air.

‘Yes. It’s nice to meet you, Your Highness. It’s a pleasure to meet the future king who will shine over the sky over the citizens.”

Cale’s voice was very calm and relaxed, and he looked very confident.

However, Alver Crossman was silent for a short while. 

“Have I… met you before?” That was what Alver mumbled that only the two of them could hear. 

There was immediate silence between them but. 

“Too bad… I can’t be close to you the way I did before.”

“No, your Highness.”

Alver’s gaze had some hint of worry and anger in his eyes. 

“This is better. Don’t trust me at all.”

Cale simply wished to help this man to return all the favors he received from those regressions. 

He was forever thankful for this man.

The Crown Prince took back his family’s remains and even gave them a proper burial. He even allowed him to mourn. Allowed him to stand by his side and trusted him with everything that he couldn’t from others. 

That’s why. 

“Maybe you got another person?” He asked. 

So, please….

To earn this man’s trust and save him… 

Please don’t make me kill you in this life, My dear friend.

TBC

Chapter Text

Alver let out a suffering sigh. He was still out of it from the banquet when he met the redhead trash and it’s been days already! Somehow, he can’t seem to reject him strongly. He felt even more nostalgic and regretful when the redhead shook his hand. 

He had not expected to meet that man at all. He did not expect him to appear right in front of him at that time. 

“What’s wrong?” His aunt Tasha asked. 

"I am not sure." He has no idea why he is feeling this way. Why is he so affected by the presence of someone he has just met? His saddened, resonating sigh echoed inside his room. His aunt left him, knowing he wanted to be alone. He began to brew tea to calm himself. 

Someone entered his room through the window. 

It’s the day before the Grand Banquet at the Town Plaza, but Cale Henituse unofficially visited him in such an hour. 

“It’s a fine night, Your Highness.” The redhead smiled at him. He had a bottle of white wine, one that Alver likes. He stopped heating some water and looked at the man who came to visit him. 

The redhead casually walks in. 

“I have something to discuss with you, Your Highness.”

“With a bottle of wine?”

“If you don’t want to, how about a pajama party?” 

He’s different. His expression and voice are different. It’s difficult to tell whether he’s messing around or here for serious business. 

Alver didn’t bother sitting down. He doesn’t know why but he's wary of this man. 

“Don’t worry, your Highness. There’s no need for you to be on guard around me. I came here to give you a chance to prove your worth.” the redhead replied. 

“Tomorrow, there will be an attack during the banquet ceremony.” The redhead threw a piece of magic that hides someone in disguise. “Use it.” 

Alver looked at the amber-kissed necklace. 

"It allows the wearer to use his magic without destroying their disguise."

“Disguise. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

"Believe me, your Highness. I know you better than you know yourself." 

That frightened Alver Crossman. The confidence that Cale exuded while shamelessly walking into his territory with that smile and the guts to carry it out made him very wary of him.  

"You are not giving this to me for nothing."

Cale smiled at him and said, "You have already paid the price, your highness."

.

.

Cale delivered the words he intended to say to this person. 

"Cale Henituse..." Alver's firm tone was appropriate. Some trashy dude just walked inside and humiliated him. He can not help but smile naturally, just like he always does.

He will doubt me if I do not say anything to demonstrate his innocence. 

"Your Highness, I have only one thought in mind."

“Speak.” 

Stern and serious as always. 

Cale considers this nostalgic. He constantly nags and eventually becomes the stupidest person. He would wear a frown and laugh the second he found something amusing. Most of all, he always had that dying expression whenever he was doing paperwork. 

But none of that mattered when he became king because Zed Crossman had died. 

In his first life, he led everyone until he was the last fighter. 

In his second life, Alver Crossman was crucified and burned by the Moguro Empire twins before he could ascend to the throne. Cale could only watch him die alongside Rowoon Kingdom and Adin, who controlled the entire western continent along with the masked man. 

In the final one, Alver loses all hope and descends into depravity. The demon gate opened, and all dark creatures began to lose control. 

Cale did not want to remember that particular memory. 

The memory of him pointing his sword at this person. The memory of his fight with him.

The memory of piercing this man’s heart. 

Cale had to kill him to save everyone's lives. He had to betray his one dear friend, even though he approached him with hidden intentions. 

He brought ruin to this person to save the world but ended up dying and turning back time again. 

At that time, Cale was already beyond his limits. He was already at the end of his wits and it was a matter of going insane. 

He could still remember how he desperately fought people’s prejudices of him being the most useless trash and a traitor. 

That’s why. 

In this life. 

Your promise to protect me and my peace in exchange for killing you to stop yourself from self-destruction.

"I would like you to protect me."

Cale could still remember the words this man said before he died by his hands. 

"If only we met under normal circumstances... Had I known I would trust you with this much..."

“Huh?”

I will make sure you follow through on your promise, even if we can not be the best friends you promised before your death. 

"I would love to have you as my sworn brother, and to be that friend for whom I would risk everything." 

The man who has never trusted anyone. 

They trusted me with the mission of eradicating him before he caused chaos and death in their land. 

You were an extremely cruel person. 

"Protect me so that the county cannot reach me." Cale and his family required that he be properly disowned and moved away from them. This prevents his family and father from becoming overly attached to him. 

"You were my first...dearest friend..."

Hah. 

Realizing that I am preparing others for my death makes me feel very lonely. Is this how you felt when you prepared for your death by making me kill you?

“You did run away from the county.” 

He’s going to ask me why. 

“I did. I’m looking for a place, Your Highness.”

“The only person I trusted with all my heart.”

"Then you could have asked Lord Deruth to help you with that; I am quite grateful that you are telling me that there will be an attack tomorrow with this support item I am having trouble obtaining." He laughs. This is completely normal. Cale had always talked to this guy in this manner. He is used to it by now. "But you are asking me a powerless prince to protect you from your own family? Are you testing my filial piety? What is so great about a place to find when the Northeast is already a haven of its own?" 

I am going to trust you with my death, too, my friend. 

Cale responded honestly and with a smile. 

"I am looking for a final resting place." 

There was an unsettling silence between them. Cale had no intention of coming here to make friends with men. He came here to simply help him and keep him away from the County. 

The things he is going to do now—and to compensate for the previous three regressions—will undoubtedly endanger his family. 

"I will wait for your approval on that humble request, Your Highness." 

He bowed slightly and smiled before jumping down from the window with the help of the black dragon. He had no idea why this dragon had followed him all the way here, but his companionship remained the best so far. 

Cale will soon embark on his adventure. 

He may die in the process, but at least before he departs. He wants everyone to be ready when the Paerun Kingdom and the White Masked Man appear. 

"I apologize, Cale, for being such a cruel friend and..."

Alver, I apologize for being a cruel person in this life. 

"I thank you for everything."

Cale paused and looked back. Alver Crossman continued to stare at him, his eyes filled with confusion. 

“Your Highness.” 

Just like that time, I will tell you what I wanted to say to you before you died. 

"You are someone who will shine brighter than any of the suns under the sky; you will become a beacon of hope and the only light shining on the darkness." 

The things I truly wanted to say. 

These things, I hope, will convince you to trust me. 

"You are someone who was meant to be here."

My friend.

He may be a bastard—a glib tongue bastard. 

But…

For Cale… 

He was his first best friend he trusted with his whole life. 

.

.

Alver could not believe what he had heard from Cale. 

He felt chills, as if his being was being revitalized by words he wished to hear. 

He takes out Cale's information, including his wanted poster, and reads everything he can about him. 

However, his heart sank when he read that particular sentence on his information. 

"Suspected of having a terminal illness." 

He murmured his words and shook his head. It’s not true.

He is strong and still healthy. He can jump from a 15-meter-high terrace with ease. 

Yet… 

"I am searching for my final resting place." 

He couldn’t understand why Cale had to go all through this trouble to find him and tell him that. 

It’s when he was hit by reality. 

Cale Henituse looked at him as if he were a dear friend. 

Noticing that fact, he felt goosebumps crawling on his skin. 

He was hit by the fact of death and that one glance as if he’s already throwing it all. 

“He’s not messing around.”

“Aunt.”

Tasha entered his room. She didn’t hear anything about their conversation but was aware that Cale had come. 

“Reinvestigate Cale Henituse and please confirm everything in it.”

“As you wish.” 

He can’t fully trust him yet but his instinct is telling him to. 

Not to let that person disappear even if hell runs over the world. 

TBC

Chapter Text

Bassen asked Cale, "Where were you last night?" early in the morning. 

Cale had been imposing on Bassen for the entire founding celebration.  Cale attended on Bassen's behalf, but he did not comment. He simply nodded and sighed in relief when Cale returned to the villa.

He honestly felt like Bassen adored him as a brother. Bassen was genuinely concerned about him, even though they had no blood relationship. Cale, on the other hand, could not accept that affection, even when it was expressed and demonstrated right in front of him. 

I might have been too broken to accept them now. 

That was what he thought. 

The fear of abandonment. 

The fear of being left waiting with expectations. 

Cale decided not to expect anymore. The more he did, the more painful it became. The more he expects, the more disappointed he is by reality. 

He acknowledged Bassen with a smile. It was his usual fake smile, assuring everyone that nothing was wrong. He sat down and waited for Bassen to complete his task before speaking. 

"I will leave after the Banquet Celebration." 

Cale realized that he had never called this little brother by name. Since his return, he has only called him brother once, but not by his name. No, that was wrong. He was unable to say his own name. 

Bassen simply nodded and gritted his teeth. 

"I will make preparations."

“You don’t have to.” 

Cale hands him a piece of paper. It is his last will. 

“You…” 

"I hope you will respect my decisions, Bassen." 

Bassen was holding his breath. Cale called his name in a kind and gentle tone. 

His final will only stated his desire to be disowned and had nothing to do with the county. It was a difficult decision for him, but everyone needed to survive and live. 

Cale must complete his mission before departing this world. 

He calmly stood up and was about to leave when Deruth Henituse appeared behind him. He was impeding his ability to leave the room. His father's expression caused him to hesitate.  

But this is not the time to hesitate. 

He doesn’t expect anything from his father anymore. 

“My Lord.”

Deruth's tears, which he had tried not to shed, fell on his cheeks. It stabbed Cale's heart millions of times, but he can not back down now. 

"Do you realize you are hurting me?" Deruth asked. His voice was somber, filled with anguish and pain that he had never expressed. 

"I know," Cale said. "But did you know you are the most painful thing in my world?"

Deruth was taken aback. Cale felt his tears as if they were drifting. Just like how those petals flew from a magical rose, causing pain and regret the moment they fell from the bud. All of their grief stems from the rift of unremembered skies and lonely rain. 

They both knew they were going to crumble. 

Yes. 

It is both sad and beautiful.

So tremulously, like a dream.

Cale had had enough of the indifference and sadness. 

“You don’t need me to be happy anymore.” 

Cale had never felt he was a part of their family. He had never felt that love or the struggle to be close to him. They made no effort; that’s why he’s so broken. Broken to the core, with his heart patched in a pitiful rope. 

“You don’t need me to be complete anymore.” His words rang painfully inside this room. “You don’t need me to stand in the way of your happiness anymore.” 

He lived as a relic of his mother. 

He lives as a memory that even his father couldn’t look at for years. 

He was the greatest count of the northeast, and he was his son who wasted his life. 

“It’s my turn to find my happiness, My Lord.” 

He stared at his father and smiled. 

“You have a family who could make you happy, more than how we made you happy.” 

Deruth, whose smile never reached his ears when his mother was still alive, was the father who couldn’t be truly happy with a woman who never loved him. 

He was the fruit of that struggle, and he can’t be the person Jour would choose. 

“You don’t need me to find your own happiness anymore.”

Cale smiled and walked towards Deruth. Deruth had fallen silent from all of his rumblings and stood there with his head bowed. 

"I... do not understand..."

Cale stated, "You do not have to. I just want to be free. Please..."

Cale will call him one last time with the words he kept close to his heart. 

"Please let me go, Father; I am not happy anymore."

Deruth's fist gradually relaxed. His expression paled, and everything went silent. 

Cale smiled as he patted his father's cheek. 

One last time. One last more. 

"Thank you for everything, Father," Cale says softly, kissing his father's cheeks. 

Deruth finally realized it the moment he stared at Cale’s clear eyes. His foolishness became the flame of sadness for his child. He couldn’t protect Cale’s heart, the very thing that illuminated the path he walked on. 

The heart that filled his broken heart, the heat that he has embraced with his arms. 

Everything came crashing, as Cale’s melancholic smile could be seen. 

He failed him. He failed as a father. 

He has no right to stop him from seeking something he has always wanted. He cupped Cale’s hand with his palm. Immaculately trying to make him stay. 

He was about to hold his child but Raon cast a spell that teleported Cale into the heart of the city. 

Cale gazed at his empty hands. The warmth from his father’s touch made him smile. He turned around and looked at the people gathered around him. 

Not only that, the Crown Prince was standing in front of him, with a serious expression on his face. 

“The deal.” Alver Crossman spoke, “I’ll accept it.”

Cale smiled. Fleeting and distant, as if he’d disappear in no time. 

Alver stared at him, and realized the very root of his pain—but said nothing as everything that reflected in Cale’s eyes—was truly mesmerizing… 

.

.

.

His eyes were filled with love. 

It made the Crown Prince think— How can he give so much when he couldn’t give himself?

A question that he never had the chance to ask. 

TB C

Chapter Text

Dawn finally breaks into light. Cale and his men prepared countermeasures against Redikka. Cale's greatest accomplishment has been predicting the locations of the bombs. During the last three regressions, the bombs never moved from one post, but were brought by different people. However, he is confident that people will carry them at his indicated points. The only thing he needed to look for was where the final three or four bombs would be placed. 

The final three or four are the only things that are unpredictable. 

That is why Cale took the silver shield in case anything goes wrong during this operation. 

The question is, will his cursed body be able to take the power of the silver shield?

Even if he had the vitality of the heart, his cursed soul would affect his body. He did not have many physical ailments, but he will always succumb to pain. 

He coughed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He let out a sigh to calm himself. He felt something cold against his cheeks. He recognized it as the black dragon attempting to comfort him from the pain he was currently experiencing. 

He leans over the child and pats its body. Cale never had the opportunity to find comfort in his previous regressions. His subordinates either looked down on him or despised him. Strong people would insult him. Alver Crossman had to keep his distance, even though he referred to him as a friend. 

He did not have any company on his journey. 

He did not have anyone to lean on when his soul broke at every turn. 

This time, he has been blessed with a small, cold yet warm existence that would always seek shelter on his shoulders. 

He asked the black dragon, "What is your name?" 

"Name? I do not have anything like that," the black dragon responded. 

Cale smiled bitterly. He can not help but say, "I hope you get one soon; after all, a person's name is as sacred as their existence; it is the symbol of their identity." 

"Why don't you give me a name?" the black dragon asked. 

Cale smiled and patted his head, "Unfortunately, I cannot provide that."

A name is so valuable that he expected it to represent attachment. 

"But I am sure… someone amazing will give you a very wonderful name," he said. "Someone you will trust with all your heart. You are a mighty and strong dragon. You are bound to roam around and find meaning in your existence. I am sure… you will have a befitting name given to you by someone more deserving than me." 

The black dragon revealed itself and stared at him. 

“You are weak.” 

“I know.”

“Useless too.”

“Haha. I know.”

The black dragon scoffed and said, “But you’re kinder than anyone I’ve ever met. So this strong and mighty black dragon will protect you.”

Cale suddenly felt at ease. He can’t help but place his forehead over the dragon’s head. 

“I hope,” an earnest wish for someone so lovable, “you’ll meet someone more amazing and guide you better.” 

“You are great too.” 

Cale paused and stared at those beautiful, deep blue eyes. 

"Am I?" He asked, bitterly smiling, "but I am not someone worth becoming someone is the world." 

The black dragon titled its head charmingly. 

"I am someone who no one will choose until the very end. If I were great, I would have already become someone’s world, but I am not. I am not good enough for people to willingly choose me." 

"You do not have to be someone else's world," the black dragon said calmly and finely. "A great and mighty dragon like me is my world; I am my own."

Cale's heart pounded when he heard that. He can not help but smile at the dragon, who has boldly declared that he will create his own life and world. He is telling him that he does not need validation from others; he simply needs to be himself and strong.

He smiled and applauded the dragon's proud declaration. 

He wished he had dared to declare something about himself with courage. 

Too bad, he didn’t have any to begin with. 

He doesn’t even realize that he, himself, and his life are the greatest masterpieces the world has to offer. 

.

.

The crack of dawn finally set the sun high. Cale and the rest mixed into the crowd. They were able to go undetected by the Rowoon knights and the Henituse knights. 

Cale stood by the side of the entrance. He sees Bassen with such a sullen expression. The rest of the noblemen were staring at him in confusion. 

Who wouldn’t? The trashy older brother came unannounced instead of the person named in the acceptance letter. Then he appears at the banquet with a gloomy expression. 

“We pointed them out.”

He nodded and smiled. He turned around and counted; he expected that two more bombs would be changing locations but he couldn’t believe that he couldn’t even track them. 

This is different. Something is different in this setup. 

He watched the Royal Family enter the plaza. Cale was uneasy with the current events. 

At exactly 9:20, Redikka’s laughter echoed. Cale looked up and noticed two more mages beside him. Chaos ensued, with several bombs detonating from afar. Cale was dead set on saving everyone this time. 

His laughter echoed but he’s not someone who didn’t do any preparation beforehand. 

He has to kill Reddika on the spot. If he can’t, Choi Han or Alberu will take care of it. 

That was his condition for telling Alver everything and having him help with the tools he needed. 

Reddika’s laughter echoed at the same time the two men behind him jumped in. 

—human! The bombs are on them!

He looked at Bassen, who stood within the range of the attack. Cale didn’t bother for his safety when he jumped into the plaza. He raised both his hands and a beautiful silver shield appeared. 

Everyone’s attention was set on him and Bassen, who stood behind him. 

“HYUNG-NIM!” His worried voice echoed. 

“KUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Reddika laughs once more and drops one more strong bomb with high-concentration magic. 

Cale was alarmed by this sudden change. He gritted his teeth and expanded the silver shield to the limit. He fell on his knees, bucking down with blood dripping from his eyes, nose, and ears. He coughs violently and hears the sound of his broken plate. 

Just hold on. THIS DAMN CURSED BODY!

He can feel Bassen’s touch but he kicked him away and had the Black Dragon save him. He remained under the powerful blast, with his heart beating loudly, his ears ringing, and his plate cracking continuously in this onslaught. 

He heard one good laugh before he felt something pierce him on his side. 

Reddika smiled like a complete lunatic. 

Cale coughs up blood but refuses to put his arms down. The explosion has yet to exist and the magic bomb Redikka threw was burning the silver shield completely!

Cale braced himself for another attack when Alver Crossman finally came to his rescue. Only then ddid helet out a sigh of relief. The sight of Alver’s back with his gold sword was something to behold. 

It’s not the time to reminisce but Alver Crossman looked wonderful with the sword at hand. 

It was the best sight he had ever seen in all those regressions. 

It was the back of someone he could trust. 

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

"Fine, my ass.” 

Alver successfully cut off Reddika’s left arm. He tried to run away but Alver was fast enough to stop him from leaving. Choi Han also came to the rescue and pinned the crazy mage on the ground. 

He continued to laugh. 

The more agitated Reddika becomes, the more unstable his mana will become. 

Cale took the chance to entrap Reddika in his silver shield. He held him there while battling Choi Han and Alver. 

Considering the effects of this change,. That white masked man will come himself after. 

He laughs. 

Even if his guts were to get ripped or his body disassembled, he had to piss off that one fucker and kill him with his very own hands. 

Cale smiled and pulled the sword he had on his person. 

A beautiful red aura appeared on the blade. He jumps into the silver shield and cut off Reddika’s head. 

The continuous magic explosion finally ceased with a laughing, detached head. 

“You… you…”

Cale stood there. His gaze was cold and icy. 

He revisited the memory of how he became a ruthless slaughterer. 

He smiled wickedly, like the blood-crazed commander he was in that regression. 

Blood Red Commander—-the slaughter from the northeast. 

“I will finishhat you started.” He spoke with such certainty. “For sure… I will destroy you and your organization.” 

He pierces Raddiak’s head with his mana sword. 

Everyone stared at him with fear and awe. He looked around and noticed the looks everyone was giving him. 

He stared at Bassen, whose eyes were wide with surprise. 

He flinches and wavers. He buckled and felt the pain of his plate breaking apart. 

Not yet. Not yet.

He coughs violently and collapses on the ground. 

Watching Bassen ran to him frantically with tears in his eyes. 

TBC

Chapter Text

"JUST LET ME SEE MY BROTHER!" Bassen screams, unconcerned about every piercing gaze directed at him. The Royal Knights refused his and Deruth's entry because it was Alver Crossman's order. 

He is currently outside the Palace of Joy, demanding permission to see his brother. 

But… 

An equally stern Alver Crossman, whose smiling facade had vanished, stared at him with contempt. 

"Young Lord Bassen Henituse; one more and I will charge you with treason." 

Bassen clenched his teeth. 

"I do not care if you charge or kill me; just let me see my brother, Your Highness." 

Alver looked at Bassen's serious expression. He knew Cale was loved by his family, but he needed to keep his end of the bargain and not let any Henituse get close to him. 

"I can not betray my benefactor," Alver said solemnly. "This is what Cale Henituse wanted."

Not having anything from Henituse County within reach. 

Bassen's rage subsided when he said that. 

"To the point, he asked you that?" It was pure pain, devoid of any respect whatsoever. Alver could not understand what it was like to have his sibling worry about him. He could not understand the pain of a sibling who only wanted to see his ailing brother. 

Cale did, however, make him promise that after saving everyone from the incident, he would keep the County away from him. 

Alver watched Bassen Henituse's pitiful performance. The young man appeared to have lost his strength as he buckled and collapsed to the ground. He was kneeling in front of him, unlike a nobleman who would raise his chin. 

Bassen was kneeling, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

His hand reached out and grabbed the hem of his robe. 

"I beg you…your highness," Bassen's voice was too painful to hear. Alver tried not to feel sorry for the boy, who stated, "I do not care if I am not allowed near him. Just one glance… Just one time."

Begging for something was never a nobleman's practice. 

"I am willing to beg Your Highness to allow me to see him just once." 

Alver bit his lips and breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Forgive me.” Alver spoke with sincerity and pity towards this goodhearted boy, “but this is what your brother wants.” 

He slightly pushed Bassen away and had the knights stop him from following after him. He could hear his mournful and throat-tearing cries echoing, shouting, and pleading. 

Cale Henituse, you have a very kind brother.

“I am sorry, Lord Henituse.” that’s Alver’s words to Bassen Henituse. 

So kind that he is willing to give up his pride and beg him, the kingdom's most useless and powerless Crown Prince. He is so kind that he is crying in front of his palace, kneeling and begging, even if it means screaming and losing sight of his noble status. That is something he will never go through with his siblings and other family members. They are to destroy each other, knock each other to the ground, or put each other in their proper places. He did not have the benefit of a strong sibling bond with them. 

Perhaps Cale Henituse was in the same situation, where he had to wear his heart on his sleeve and suffer. 

I do not understand why you have to push them away when they love you. 

Why? Just why? That was the question that lingered in his mind. They simply need to be honest, or is it too late for them? 

Cale Henituse is going to die. Tasha confirmed one fact with him. 

Not an incurable illness, but a divine punishment—a god's curse. 

Cale Henituse, you are such a pitiful man. 

Nonetheless, he was one of those concerned about his condition. 

"You should rest a little more," Alver said as he saw Cale preparing to leave. 

"Nah, it is okay. I should not be staying here anymore." 

"Are you afraid the county is going after you?"

Cale smiled and looked at him, explaining that he needed to go somewhere. 

"Young Lord Bassen." Alver dared to initiate a conversation about Cale's younger brother. Cale just smiled. He was completely aware of what was going on. 

"I appreciate it that you kept him away." 

Alver wanted to know why, but Cale's expression prevented him from asking. 

"He will be traumatized by this." 

"He will not," Cale reassured. "He’s a strong boy. He’ll get by this in no time.”

"Are you really determined not to meet at least your brother?"

"No...," Cale asked, "I have the same reason as you, Your Highness; mending things this late would do me no good. It is better if he had no further attachments to me." 

Alver shook his head and accepted the answer. He hands Cale a golden plaque and some provisions that he had prepared ahead of time. "It should be enough for you and your men for quite some time."

Cale nodded and smiled, saying, "Thank you, Your Highness." 

“Also.” 

“Hm?”

"Be assured that I will keep the county away from you."

"Thank you. I sincerely appreciate it." 

Alver watched Cale walk away casually from his sight. 

He wanted to ask him more questions to clarify things, but Cale refused to let him be curious. He simply sat in the chair, staring at the bloodstained sheets on the bed. 

He should have taken better care of himself. 

Cale was determined to die ahead of time. He no longer cares about his own person. He wants to save as many people as possible, but that would be pointless if he could not even save himself. 

No. He had the wrong thoughts. 

"He cannot save himself, so he is attempting to save others." 

Alver let out a sigh and remembered Cale’s face. It is the expression of someone who did not want to be followed. The face of someone who was determined to achieve his goals and find a place to rest. 

Cale did not want any titles or power. He simply requested that all of his contributions be included in the County. For a man who did not want to be involved with his own family, he is doing all kinds of crap and suffering as a result. 

He is an inherently good man. Alver felt badly about using him as a pawn. Cale Henituse has proven to be an extremely effective support so far. He had every advantage in using him, but it was giving him a bad taste. 

Alver truly did not want to use a dying man to further his own interests. 

"At the very least…" He stood up and took the Henituse Emblem that Cale left, "I should give him all the support he needed, the recognition he deserves, and prepare a place for him to rest." 

“At least, prepare something that can make him smile, even if it’s just a little.” 

.

.

Bassen waited outside the palace of joy’s gates. He diligently kneeled there even when it’s raining already. He couldn’t understand why Cale had to go through all that trouble to ask the Crown Prince to keep them away. 

He just wanted to make sure he’s fine. 

He won’t come near if Cale doesn’t want it. 

But not like this. 

The knights stationed at the gates watched him with pity. He simply wiped his tears and kneel silently. 

He stopped. The Crown Prince returned and face him. 

He didn’t bother begging again. Begging won’t do anything. 

“Is he… alright?” 

“He’s fine.” 

The cold stern voice was enough. He already knew that his brother left already. He slowly stood up and bowed his head towards the Crown Prince. 

“Thank you.” 

He slowly raised his head and looked at the prince and said, “Please… take good care of him…” 

He turned around with his head hung low. His tears continued to flow and his heart continued to shatter at every step he makes. 

“Cale said…” 

He stopped and looked back. 

“Not to search for him anymore.” 

Bassen bit his lips and said, “I know…” 

He already knew. Cale is distancing himself. 

“But…  I will still find him.” He smiled, “I will make Henituse a place where he can return whenever he wants.” 

“He is dying.” 

“I know.” Bassen smiled, “and I know what I’m doing won’t make him believe any words oaffection from us.” 

His tears painfully fell on his cheeks. 

“Had I known we would turn out like this…” Bassen smiled regretfully, “I would’ve cast away that pride and be just the little brother I wanted to be.” 

Alver Crossman can’t help but bit his tears. 

“We may not be blood brothers… but Hyung said… I am Henituse… He’s the only one… who called me his brother.” Bassen hearbreakingly said, “You Highness…”

He smiled regretfully, his face filled with pain as he uttered his regrets under this pouring rain. 

“I just want to be a good little brother so that Hyung-nim would look at me…”

So bitterly, fleetingly, and scornful. 

“But It was all wrong…” 

Grief's bitter cold sadness consumed him. How can he fill the void and deep desperate need to replant his heart with hope? How can he protect that brightness from the winter storm on the vast isolated,d angry sea?

The treasures were given to him. 

Each word uttered to him with special meaning made him see.

The precious gift of love he was fortunate to receive but failed to protect. 

The lessons of kindness and love Cale taught him.

The good things in life he was blessed with.

 The lasting gifts of comfort just bear the same name as that beautiful redhead boy who called him little brother. 

He wanted to call them with the most familiar word he could think of. He wanted to hold him so much that he wished he didn't want to go.

Will they still be able to call him family even when he did nothing but betray his trust? His love?

Can they still proudly call him family when he did nothing but tear him apart?

This cursed word. The hurtful words he wished he could take to his grave.

Bassen realized all these in his solemn begging on a kneeling spree. 

He still wore a smile and felt the excruciating pain and severance. This will be the last, he'll need to accept them now—this painful reality. 

With a bit of space, he was already missing them. He still wore a smile that was so gentle and kind. He found happiness in a guise that would allow him to be with them forever.

He will not be able to watch the night sky with him or go on a merrymaking spree like his siblings. He will never be able to watch him in his peaceful days again or hear their soft laughter. He will lose it.

He lost precious moments with everything that made sense to him.

This tenderness. This one time. This message he never told Cale once. He raised his head, facing the mourning sky. A shard of bright light shone upon them unexpectedly. He sees the sky gradually returning to its original white and blue. The sun rose beautifully at sunrise, as if the rain had never happened. 

"I have always looked up to him. 

He expected it after all of the pain and when the truth had been revealed.

That one moment paved the way for him to live a happy life.

He simply wanted proof that they would be together. Proof that he will be there for him as a family member. And he will be with him in whatever way he wants, just like any other normal family. 

Smiling while breaking apart. 

"This must be the pain…" This wretched pain as if his entire being is torn apart, "h had to go through all that alone."

Yet...

He refuses. 

He’ll find him.

Cherish him.

And never again, let him cry and suffer.

Even if it’s the last thing he’ll do in this life. 

No matter how long it takes.

He will be the younger brother he always wanted to be even if that person pushes him away. 

This time… 

He will bear all the pain. 

He will bear all the struggles. 

He’ll willingly work hard to make Cale trust him. 

He did not want to end their brotherhood like this. 

He didn’t want to send him off with nothing but pain and misery until the end. 

He didn’t want Cale to suffer alone in this. 

Even if Cale refuses. 

Even if Cale pushes him away. 

“Your Highness. Thank you.”

He will love him still and admire him. 

In this pious pilgrimage to empty silences of eternity of tears

To the one and only person he admires the most. 

TBC

author:

Chapter Text

This man will die if no one helps him. 

Choi Han could only watch Cale tremble as he slept. His restless night began as he left Rowoon's kingdom. He had chills, a fever, and even coughed-up blood. They all abandoned themselves to provide him with warmth. They gave him every coat and robe, but all they got in return was a pitiful whimper. 

He looked at him with bitterness and sadness. 

Why is he willing to suffer like this?

He observed the agony that Cale was experiencing. 

He calls his father. Call his mother in a very sad tone. 

He was his first companion, but Choi Han understood that he could never make this man feel better. 

He lacked the power and characteristics necessary to make this man happy.

To make him forget about his painful memories. 

He stretches his hand out. He patted Cale's head and stroked his cheeks. Cale's whimpers ceased, and a small smile spread across his face. 

It is so hard to watch him suffer like this. 

He deserves all of the love, attention, and everything else in his life, but why? Why is he throwing away everything? He would not have to suffer in this way. He did not have to cry himself to sleep. 

He only needs to be happy and live his remaining life without doing anything. 

Yet… 

He understood that the happiness of those around him was essential to his own. 

Choi Han lay down next to Cale. He did not care if the old man was going to kill him; he grabbed Cale and wrapped him in his arms. It is unsightly, and he knows it is unforgivable to touch a nobleman's body—but Cale scooted closer, and his heart melted. 

Cale opened his eyes and looked at him, saying, "It's... warm." His half-lidded eyes indicated that he enjoyed it, "This is the first time..."

"Your first time?"

"Someone has ever comforted me when I am sick." 

His heart had broken even more. 

Cale remembered being alone whenever he was sick. His father was nowhere to be found, and his new family kept a respectful distance from him. He remembered crying silently as he endured the pain.  

During those painful times, he had only himself. 

He could only see himself crying in despair. 

"Cale-nim, do not worry. Just hold onto me whenever you want." 

Cale chuckles before falling asleep. 

Choi Han's tears were already gathering in the corners of his eyes. He carefully patted Cale's back and tightened his embrace. He knew he should not sympathize with this person; all he had was respect for him, but he could not bear the agony of watching him become unhappy. 

"Cale-nim, I will always be here for you." 

Choi Han promised. 

Cale was bitter about keeping this man by his side. Choi Han may have met a good person who could help him become even stronger. 

But Cale didn’t know what made a person stronger than anyone else. 

.

.

.

.

It’s when someone has something precious to protect. 

.

.

When Cale's health improved, they traveled to the Ubar Region. He did not bother looking for the Viscountess because if he did, she would probably call Deruth and everything would go wrong. 

Cale remembered that one story from a very close friend. 

She said she had a brother who passed away due to the mermaid’s interference. She said she loved him so much that she was willing to protect and go against the tribe to keep that brother by her side, even when everyone shuns him for being a half-breed. 

That’s right. 

The key to ending this war is to first eliminate the mermaids. Cale has greatly overseen this fact. If not for the last regression, he wouldn’t know how the mermaids took over the seas and controlled their movements. 

During the war, mermaids played an important role. They took over the oceans and attacked the seas, breaking through the defenses that the Rowoon kingdom should have had. They robbed every species and made humans bow before them. 

Cale was confident that Bassen and Alver would work well together to build a naval base. Even if it is not particularly strong, he hopes it can hold onto it. After all, after controlling the seas, the Mermaids discovered a way to utilize the whirlpools of the Ubar Region. 

But Cale will not allow that. 

If it’s going to be a fight, it has to be on equal terms. 

Also… 

He wants to save the half-whale for which his dear friend yearned. 

He did not want to see her fighting aimlessly, unaware that her brother could be dead. 

I could still remember Whitara bringing her brother's corpse with her. 

He could still remember how she cried when she found his rotting corpse in one of the caves. He sympathized with her pain because he had lost everything during the war. He watched her leave and swim across the tainted dead waters, dying alongside the remaining whales, who took pride in their role as sea protectors until their demise. 

“Cale-nim.”

“I’ll go and meet a friend.” 

He can not tell anyone that he will be swimming in the water to obtain the ancient powers. The enemy acquired ancient power. The AP destroyed the Ubar Seas, including massive whirlpools, and predicted tsunamis. 

.

.

Cale was able to take the ancient power without issues thanks to the black dragon that had been nagging nonstop ever since he coughed after taking a swim. 

They saw some mermaid corpse from one shore. It’s unsightly, but Cale had to ask the little dragon to keep some mermaid corpse with him. He only asked him to keep an arm but the dragon, mighty and proud, kept an entire corpse while nagging at him for this unsightly and gross thing. It’s gross, but—that corpse is something that he discovered while batling mermaid poison. 

He once suffered mermaid poison on his second regression. He believed he was going to die. His body rotted and he was in excruciating pain as an insect feasted on his flesh. He desperately tried everything, even taking poison to negate it, until the final fight, when he annihilated the Mermaids and inadvertently bathed himself in their blood before swallowing some. 

He could still remember how his rotten flesh gradually became normal.  

He discovered the cure but it couldn’t bring back everyone who died of mermaid poison. 

If he can preserve a corpse, he will be able to cure everyone who has been poisoned. 

Then he can keep his promise to Whitara from his previous regression. 

[You are a kind man, Cale.]

Whitara's voice trembled as if she were talking to her beloved brother. 

[Your kindness. Your warmth. It all reminds me of my beloved brother.]

Cale still remembered how envious he was of that woman's younger brother. He had no family during his entire regression. He was completely alone. He was abandoned, leaving behind only their corpses to care for. 

He could not even cry. He could not even mourn. He could only stare at their corpses and not feel anything. 

Ah. I must have been completely broken inside out. 

[If you regress once more].

One simple wish, one simple request from a yearning sister to her family. Cale sympathizes with her because Whitara has lost everything she tried to protect. Their opponents were simply powerful. 

[Please protect my brother.]

Even if he was the only one he could save. 

He simply smiled at this adorable four-year-old and apologized for straining his body even further. 

That is when he hears a desperate voice from behind, pleading for help. 

A beautiful blue-haired man pleaded for assistance. 

He must be that younger brother. 

Cale could see the same eyes he had admired. Phaeton and Whitara's eyes were as brilliant as the sea that day, a deep blue with gushes of glitter cerulean. 

He kneeled and patted the man's shoulder. 

"You will be fine," he smiled. 

I kept my promise to you, Whitara. So you won’t cry anymore. 

Not all strong people wouldn’t cry. Crying is the most courageous thing to do. It’s not cowardice. 

I hope I can see her smile this time. 

Cale held out his hand and asked Raon to give him a piece of the mermaid corpse they retrieved. He was careful not to use the seawater. Instead, he took the bottled water and soaked it enough to earn some blood. Cale placed it close to Phaeton’s mouth. The whale subconsciously drank the blood before Cale disposed of the arm with more water. 

Soon, they noticed the whirling energy from deep within the cave. 

Cale asked Raon to keep watch on the whale. He ventured in and miraculously found an ancient item. Wait… 

He remembered that one idiot from his second regression. He said he drank some weird water from the Whirlpool Seas that made him immune to fire. 

This crystal clear water and description—this is... 

“Hah.” Cale couldn’t help but grin. 

He had a sudden thought about the jungle. It is a barren land with an eternal flame that has swallowed the entire nation. If he can obtain this, then he could stop the jungle’s destruction. The jungle contains high-grade mana stone, but because it is difficult to enter, he was forced to conduct dangerous excavations to no avail. 

However, I do not have the necessary tools to seal it.

That’s his problem. 

He was about to give up when the Dragon came after him. 

"Human, what are you doing? The fish is already waking up." 

"I need a tool to work on this." He pointed. 

The dragon sighed and handed them a special bottle that could hold water. Cale watches the dragon do everything before handing him the object in his paws. 

“Thank you.”

"Weak Human. No need to thank you," the dragon replied. 

They went back to where the whale was. Phaeton was already conscious. He still had a very grumpy expression. 

"Are you awake?" Cale questioned. 

The whale remained silent. 

Cale did not hesitate to approach the whale and touch his forehead. His temperature has returned to normal, and so has his complexion. 

Cale said, "You will be fine now," and prepared to leave when the Whale grabbed his hand. 

“You… your name?” 

Cale looked at him. The whale seemed serious but he’s wearing such a kind expression right now. 

“I’m sorry. But I can’t give my name to strangers.” that’s his excuse. Cale has no intentions of using the Whales at all. They’ll be able to defeat the mermaids on their own, but he just wants to keep his promise to Whitara. 

Phaeton let him go. Cale smiled and said, “You should keep the mermaid corpses. Their blood is the cure for their poison.” 

“Hah… you’re giving that information for free?” Phaeton asked. 

“Why? You’d benefit?” Cale replied. Whales are friendly to those who are kind to them. He understands why Whitara adores her brother so much. 

"I want to repay you because you are my benefactor," Phaeton explained. 

Cale smiled. They are the same. Whitara did the same thing when he returned the Whale King's corpse to her. They truly are siblings! 

“It’s fine. It’s normal to save people who are in need.” Cale smiled and opted to go. “Take care.”

“If…”

Cale turned towards the whale. The whale gave him the teardrop earring and placed it on his ear. 

"If you ever need my help, break this," Phaeton promised. "I will come and save you." 

He did not need to do that. With his limited time, this whale wouldn’t be able to repay this so-called debt, but somehow, Cale couldn’t refuse it anymore. Cale smiled and replied, "Thank you."

And left, leaving the whale in the cave. 

.

.

Another series of attacks happened on Cale’s body once more. Cale was breathing heavily, to the point where he sounded like he was whistling with every breath he took and breathed out. 

Of course, everyone could only watch him. 

But none of them said anything. 

TBC

Chapter Text

Alver took off his robe the moment he found Cale and his company. Cale was pale and sicklier than he was when he last saw him. He was engulfed in Choi Han’s arms. Heaving heavily with breathes sounded like whistles. 

He couldn’t help but reach out. 

Somehow, there’s some kind of force that was telling him to find Cale and bring him back. That force is trying to shelter this man and let him do nothing but Cale is a free person. 

“Hm.” Cale groaned after feeling his touch. 

Choi Han merely looked at him and nodded. 

“How long has he been sick?” 

“He’s sick for four days now, Your Highness.” Ron replied. 

Four days. He wanted to tell them to take him to the doctor, but he knew that no matter what happened or who came to help, Cale would not feel any better. 

Alver once attempted to give him the star of healing, an ancient power that heals everything but can only be used once in a lifetime. 

Regardless of how Cale tried to absorb it, the star of healing remained stationary. 

It remained unchanged, in his hand, glittering sadly and lighting a melancholic gaze of a man about to die. 

Not only that, Count Henituse finally approached. Choi Han and the rest were about to move, but Deruth simply raised his hand and whispered, “I’m just here to see him.” 

Choi Han tightened his embrace over Cale. Deruth noticed it and smiled. 

He…  never held Cale this close after the day he lost Jour. 

He never had the chance to hold Cale as if he were the most important in the world. 

It was late… too damn late for regrets. 

He simply brushed Cale’s hair and handed them money and medicine to help Cale get by.  He didn’t say anything, just held Cale’s hand, and kissed it reverently. 

“I know… I have no right to act like a good father,” he whispered, he’s too late—tooo damn late to regret. 

No matter how much he screamed and wondered where Cale was, he knew—his side is not where Cale is supposed to be. 

He failed to recognize his pain, and the seasons changed. 

He removed his cloak and draped it over Cale. 

He looked at Ron and said, "If anything happens, call or use the name Henituse however you like." 

It does not matter anymore. 

Even if his name is tainted or he is destined to fail, he will do everything in his power to keep Cale safe. Even if it is the only thing he has accomplished in this life. 

He won’t ask for forgiveness. 

He won’t ask for another chance. 

Cale would hate it. He knew that. 

No matter where his child will be… 

“I will love you no matter where you are.” 

Whispering in pain. Dearth stood up and left. If Cale knew, he would be in pain again. 

Alver Crossman remained. 

“Please don’t tell Cale.” Alver pleaded. “Please.”

Choi Han looked at everyone. 

“Yes. We’ll keep it a secret.” 

“Thank you.” 

Alver smiled and gave the letter to Ron. 

“Tell Cale not to push himself too much.” 

Then he left. 

.

.

That day, Cale had a dream. 

He had a dream of himself enjoying an afternoon tea. Children surrounding him, his loved ones around him. He stared at it, watching it with a broken heart. 

His tears flowed uncontrollably down his cheeks. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Choi Han, whose palm wiped away his tears. He looked at him and smiled. He remembered their first meeting when he told this guy many painful things, mostly selfish ones. 

"Have you had a sad dream, Cale-nim?"

The man who used to warn and threaten him asked him in such a gentle tone. In that dream, Choi Han looked more relaxed and free. In that dream, he’s smiling more truthfully than he is doing right now. 

"No, it was a delightful dream." 

Cale used to be extremely dishonest with everyone. He used to swallow his tears and pain. He used to despise the act of cowardice. But it does not matter anymore. 

"I dreamed of a place where everyone was having afternoon tea." He smiled. His head was throbbing, and his ears were ringing. "It was a dream in which everyone was happy and living peacefully." 

The only difference was that he was a bystander and a spectator during that moment. 

There was someone much more wonderful than him. 

That is what caused him to cry. 

“Choi Han.” He called, “It’s painful, Choi Han.” 

He couldn’t help but just be honest and say all this with pain in his voice. 

"Living, that is.” 

But Cale had no choice. He had no choice at all. 

Choi Han slowly rose from the bed and embraced him tightly. Calee could not stop himself from becoming increasingly terrified. No one would be able to keep him this tight forever. Soon, he will not be able to spend any more time with them. 

At the end. 

I am afraid of death. 

When confronted with death, people often experience forced emotions to avoid regret. 

Even though he cares deeply about others, they will never respond in the way he expects. 

“I… miss my family Choi Han.”

He grabs Choi Han’s arm and holds it tightly. He sank into his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks. He could not help but bury his head in the crook of Choi Han's arms and cry for the first time in all three regressions. 

"I miss it, but I know it will not make me happy." 

What exactly is he afraid of? 

He is afraid of living the same lives as in previous regressions. To be loved in the face of death only.

“I just… want to...”

“It’s alright, Cale-nim…” Choi Han said earnestly in his ears. "It is fine..." 

He is afraid of something that he should be used to. 

"It will be fine Cale-nim. You do not have to get used to pain." Choi Han said, "It is alright to not get used to pain so… just be honest, Cale-nim."

"It is okay to cry, Cale."

Behind every sweet smile hides a bitter sadness that no one can see or feel.

His call of disdain and anger was met once more with warmth and tenderness. 

"You are human with feelings, and no one will notice if you do not say anything."

No one ever cried for him. No one ever shed tears for him. 

But, Choi Han. This man—he’s crying his heart out for him. 

“You are a perfectly strong person, Cale-nim. So don’t be afraid.”

TBC

Chapter Text

“Hello, little Cale, my dear child.” 

Cale woke up with a white-haired man staring at him. 

“I am the God of Death. I have always watched over you.” 

The smile that the man gave was knowing. As if he had known the pain and suffering he went through all those years. 

“The same one who gave you a chance to turn back time.” 

His heart silenced. The tumultuous emotions suddenly stilled with nothing but a moment of relief and defiance. 

“Why? ” he asked. 

“Why?”

“Why me? ” Cale asked. 

The gods stared at him. “Because it has to be you.”

Cale gritted his teeth before he lashed out, “ME? JUST BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID REASON?! I—”

“Little Cale… do you want to make a deal with me? ”

Cale couldn’t clearly hear the god of death’s word after he asked that sentence but he definitely heard—

“And finally end… this suffering.”

Cale woke up groggily, still being held tightly by Choi Han. Several blankets were wrapped around him, with Choi Han reduced only to his inner clothes. 

That weird dream. 

A man he didn’t know but he was familiar. 

A deal? What kind of deal? Cale was confused. That was the first time some kind of god ever approached him. 

He stared at him and patted his cheeks. He noticed the familiar blonde sitting right across from them. He stood up and took a glass of water while he pulled the Star of Healing from his pocket. He subconsciously called. 

“Hyung-nim.” 

[ALVER CROSSMAN’S POV]

“Hyung-nim.”

Alver, who stood up and was about to hand Cale some water, paused. 

“Don’t do something… wasteful for me.” 

Wasteful?

He stared at Cale, who had fallen back to sleep. Choi Han was already awake and on his guard as he stared at him. 

“He doesn’t wish to be healed.” 

Alver immediately thought of something. 

Cale has said wasteful. 

“Doesn’t wish? Or… he couldn’t be healed at all? ” Alver murmured. A man would said don’t waste such a precious power,” but Cale said do something wasteful.”

“Even ancient artifacts don’t work on him anymore.” 

Cale’s body was now simply just a fragile piece of glass. 

Choi Han stared at him and honestly replied, “No power in this world could help him.” 

A somber atmosphere filled the room. 

“Nothing can stop him from dying.”

Choi Han’s embrace got even tighter. 

“That’s why… I’m searching for a place for him to rest.” Choi Han’s voice echoed. 

And watch over his grave. — was left unsaid. 

A place to rest?

While everyone in this world tries to find a place where they belong, Cale searches for a place to rest. 

Not attachments. 

Not relationships. 

Simply, a place where his heart could be relieved. 

Alver couldn’t understand it. Cale has a lot of people who love him; why is he pushing them away so hard? 

He has a place to go, but why? Just why? Why is he leaving them to live his life happily in love instead? 

Cale has everything, while Alver doesn’t. 

All he was was rejection, pity, and betrayal. 

Yet a man so loved, a man who has everything, decides to abandon it all. 

Ron, who was watching, noticed the somber expression on Alver’s face. 

“It’s because he has everything that the most important things are forgotten,” Ron said. He knelt and wiped his master’s sweat. 

“A man who has nothing knows exactly what they want to gain.” 

Ron’s voice echoed soulfully, painfully. 

“But a man who has everything wouldn’t know what they truly lost.”

His words rang painfully in his ears. 

He understood that what Cale lost wasn’t a relationship, not love, not his home. 

Cale Henituse… 

“Lost himself.” 

The silence filled their hearts upon that realization. 

A man so desperate that he pushes everyone away. A man so desperate to find a place to rest. 

A man, even in his sleep, doesn’t rest. 

Unconcerned yet resolute. 

Bright but foolish. 

“He lost himself in this world.” 

“If you understand, Your Highness, please do your part,” Ron said. 

Healing a broken man is like filling a broken glass. 

It will never be full nor empty. 

Just wasteful feelings that could never be understood. 

Yet, his heart is telling him not to leave this man alone. 

It’s not when a person loses everything that it’s considered lost—it’s when a person loses himself that everything is considered lost. 

They’re already fighting a losing bet—with cale as the player and the reward for the winner. 

Alver didn’t know why he was shaking inside. Only heaven knows the destiny this redhead holds but—

I pray that you spare him. 

Cale Henituse has already suffered so much. 

Please… I pray… earnestly to all gods if you are real…

Alver reaches his hand and takes the useless star of healing from Cale. 

Spare him from pain and let him find his rest.

.

.

.

Cale woke up in a rather interesting position but laughed the moment he saw Choi Han looking like a real grubby child. 

In turn, upon seeing Cale laughing, Choi Han had a small smile on his face. 

Two cold hands cupped his cheeks, carefully wiping the dirt and snow off his face. 

“Thank you.” 

Choi Han stared at him, surprised upon seeing Cale smiled so real for the first time. He couldn’t help but lean onto him and said, “Can I sleep? ”

Cale fell silent and noticed that Ron and Vicross were around. Days must’ve passed since he last lost consciousness. He carefully wrapped his arms around Choi Han’s head and patted him, “sleep.”

Leaning carefully and letting the man rest. 

He stayed in Choi Han’s arms, still wrapped in blankets. He’s not cold or tired anymore. He simply let the cute puppy sleep leaning on his back. 

Woah, never thought I’d experience a back hug with a man. 

Cale couldn’t help but giggle.  It’ been a while since he had a peaceful day such as this. 

A deal, huh? To end this suffering. 

He stared at the sky and felt relieved. He already knew he needed to go to the church of the god of death to ask him directly and clear this fact. 

Then… 

I’ll say my final goodbyes then. 

To all the people who mattered to him. 

.

.

.

It was late in the afternoon that Choi Han woke up. 

Cale was still taking a nap in his arms. He checked his breathing and let out a sigh of relief. 

“Choi Han.”

“Yes, Cale-nim.”

“Let’s go.” 

Cale didn’t want to bring Ron and Vicross anymore. That’s why he sent them away with a mission. 

“Let’s go to the Church of God of Death in the capital.”

“We’re returning to the capital? ” 

“Yes.” 

Choi Han doubted what kind of thing Cale would do. They just saved the capital and its people but for Cale to go back. 

“I’ll bring you there, Cale-nim.”

“Thank you.” Cale smiled. 

I’ll accompany you wherever you go. 

Chapter Text

In another year, war will consume the Western continent; that’s why he decided to complete the deal before it breaks. 

They travelled back to Rowoon Kingdom to find some clues from the Church of God of Death, but never did he ever expect to see a priestess all chained in the middle of the sacred grounds, blood oozing from her body—crying. 

“She must’ve lost her marbles.”

“She’s crazy.”

He heard clergy whispering behind the priestess's back. 

He stared at her, trashing—

“YOU DAMN BASTARD! HYPOCRITICAL BASTARDS! ”

She shot out profanities. Shouted her heart out in anger and deep regret, but none of the people dared to look at her. 

“YOU BASTARD GOD OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!! ”

She screams. 

“Must be because of Taylor Sten.” 

Cale paused. He remembered that one person was kicked out pathetically in the Marquissate’s battle for succession. 

He did not hesitate to walk towards the priestess, but he stopped when he saw a bob-cut-haired bastard approach her. 

He wasn’t near enough nor too far; he was at a distance to listen. 

“Crying won’t do anything, Priestess,” the man said. “Your dear friend won’t wake up even if you curse the god you revered.”

Laughing—making fun of life and of relationships that Cale desired. 

“Why not follow after him? After all, you are always together.”

It was at that moment that Cale kicked the noble away. 

“Why don’t you follow, bastard? ”

Everyone in the church fell silent. Marquiss Sten is from a strong household—one of the leading houses in the Rowoon kingdom—and someone dared to kick him right in front of everyone. 

“Who the he—”

Even before anyone could say a word, red hair beautifully splayed in the breeze. 

“R—red?!”

“It’s the Henituse Brat.”

“The Northeast’s…”

Now that Cale saw this man’s face, he recognized him as Venion Sten, the scumbag of the Sten Family who wouldn’t hesitate to commit crime. He even sold his own children and wife for money and power. 

This disgusting man. 

“Sorry… I didn’t realize it was our Lord Sten. I was curious about the gibberish you’re spouting that I didn’t recognize it was you.” 

“Cale… Cale Henituse! ” 

Cale boredly gazed at him and looked at Cage. The priestess destroyed the Marquiss Sten on his second turn. The priestess who foresaw the future but did not say anything and let everything in the Rowoon Kingdom fall into ruin. 

“Hah! You really are different, Cale Henituse.” Venison curses at him, but Cale ignores him and stares at Cage, trying to think of the best way to use this woman. 

“Even when you’re disowned by your family, you really do live up to your name.”

“Now that we’re talking about names, I suppose I don’t deserve my name since I’m not a constant barker,” Cale shot back. His attention back to the priestess, “Are you alright? ”

The woman remained silent. 

“Your friend is already safe in the arms of the god you serve,” he whispered. 

Cage couldn’t believe what Cale was saying. Taylor Sten, her dear friend, died in the hands of his own brother. After pathetically taking the wrong ancient power, his only hope, what awaited him was a moment of unguarded endeavor and a traitor. 

The priestess could sense the death looming over this man. Favored but full of misery. 

Loved but bound to lose everything held dear. 

A fate intertwined with something—someone bound to this world. 

Cale smiled at her and broke the chains binding her. It’s an act of blasphemy, especially freeing a faulting priestess—a sinner of the denomination. 

He remembered watching this priestess destroy the church with her very own hands in his third regression. He watched her declare that this world has already been abandoned by this world. 

But no—

The god of death, in his dream, spoke otherwise. He hasn’t given up yet, and it has to be him. 

“There are times when people give up faith,” he spoke, “but even though the gods may seem useless, it is when hope and faith are gone that this world is finished.” 

The closest child to the god of death caused his downfall. Cage, the priestess of death. The Saint apparent in the current demonization and is someone who can hear the god of death’s voice. 

“I need to talk to your god,” Cale said, “and end this suffering.” 

With his words, the church of the god of death began to shake violently. The death bells began to ring and a powerful light came into view. 

Cage stood up and led Cale into the church. The paladins who tried to stop them were stopped by the light. The altar remained empty with a book floating in it. 

“He said to give this book to you,” Cage said. Cale reached his hand out and the book instantly fell in his palm. It was entitled “How to Die Peacefully,” which made Cale frown at this insanely creepy-titled book. 

The god of death’s taste sure is impeccably disgusting. 

Cale had never once made direct contact with the god of death, but now—it seems the god himself was already playing a dangerous game with the enemy. 

There the word "variable" was written. 

Bright white light engulfed the entire church. 

The next thing Cale sees is a black-haired and black-eyed man, with scars decorating his body. He felt extreme familiarity with this man. They faced each other and stared at the other.

He stared at the golden string connecting both their hearts. 

His hands subconsciously clenched his chest and stared at the golden string. 

Variables. The word that his mother apologized for. The thing that made her cry for days before she left for harris village and died in an incident. 

There, Cale realized what must be done.

The one who will save the world—my family. 

He remained silent and watched the man’s face. Behind him were countless deaths. 

The agony in the man’s eyes, the isolation full of despair. 

Just like him. 

A man who had no expectation and finds a place to stay. 

He smiled and slowly approached the figure before him. He reached his hand out and touched the man’s chest where they are connected. 

“Please… save everyone.”

He softly spoke, “please… give them a place to stay…”

“Please… save the people I couldn’t save.” 

His tears finally fell yet the man remained motionless.

“A few more moments,” he spoke, “I’ll just say goodbye… one last time.” 

Then the light vanished. 

Cale woke up in a trance, and the god of death’s book slowly disappeared from his hands. 

His tears were visibly falling onto his cheeks. 

My purpose… my reason to be alive. 

It was because he continued to feel attached to this world that the heaven failed to bring that man and save the world. 

It was his attachment and connection that got him through all his regressions. 

Cale turned around and saw Deruth forcing his way into the Church. Ah. it must be one of those days when the council is in session. He stared at his father, tears and all visible. 

Upon realization that I have to give my body and leave you behind. That man would surely fit as your son. 

So dependable, so good, so kind. 

Unlike me.

Cale burst into tears in that moment. Everyone seeing him was stunned upon seeing the notorious trash of the Northeast cry like a lost child. 

A failure… a selfish person undeserving of your love. 

Only then did Cale realize what he truly lost. 

Something he will permanently lose. 

The thing I lost and erased from this world is myself. 

Deruth stood still. His chest was hurting. As if being stabbed by millions of blades and torn apart several times. 

He walks towards his crying son. No one stopped him; no one stood in front of him. 

Cale simply stared at him, hands and body trembling. 

Why am I… punished like this?

When Deruth heard that Cale came to the capital, particularly to the Church of the God of Death, he thought that maybe Cale wanted to find reason in death. 

He came, rushing, and heard that Cale kicked Venion Sten. the Marquis would definitely make a big deal out of it; he—he has to protect his son and let him leave safely if he wants. 

However, upon seeing him like this. 

Deruth reached his hands out and pulled his son into his embrace. He cupped the back of his head with his palm and pinned him tightly in his arms. He held him so close, giving him the embrace he failed to give him for the past ten years. 

Deruth heard his sorrowful cries. 

So silent, still refusing the scream. 

Deruth couldn’t help but shed tears, unable to say the most comforting words. He was undeserving—so undeserving of this kind-hearted child. 

“Cal—”

cough! cough!

Cale began coughing blood. He held onto Deruth and began to convulse in pain. 

Deruth frantically screamed, frantically trying to find help in the midst of confusion. 

In that instant, he stood up and carried Cale in his arms. He ran as fast as he could, determined to bring his child back to the Henituse Villa. 

“Dad…”

Deruth paused. 

“Dad… I’m sorry.” 

Cale wheezes, still crying in pain. 

“Please… forgive me… I’m sorry…” 

He couldn’t bear to hear him say this. He held him tightly. 

“I’m the one who should say sorry. I’m the one at fault…” His tears began to fall uncontrollably. 

“I’m the one who disappoints.” 

Why now?

Now that Cale suffered so much, Deruth finally realized he was the root of this pain. 

“I’m the one… who abandoned you alone…”

Whispering so brokenly. 

“I’m the one… who made you like this…”

So don’t ever forgive me… 

“I’m the one…” Deruth sobbed, “at fault…”

“It’s all my fault.” 

However, his words fell on deaf ears, as Cale’s hand fell. 

Cale is not breathing. 

TBC

Chapter Text

A host to the one called to save. 

A replacement for someone much better and worthier than him. 

Cale finally realized what his role in this world would be. 

To be the host for the soul that will save his world. 

It was because he couldn’t hear the god of death that it cost him several regressions. 

Right, he must’ve subconsciously leaned on faith that he was able to reach the deities for once.

Now… for the deal…

He slowly opened his eyes and saw the familiar ceiling of his room. 

“I just have to die.”

He felt a gentle touch on his cheek. 

“Don’t think about dying. Dad will save you,” Deruth earnestly whispered. 

Cale slowly turned to his father and saw how ridiculous and wasted he looked. He must’ve been nursing him. 

Receiving a revelation acted with his curse. 

Right. His life was connected to two other people. 

The “enemy” and the “savior.”

He was in between them, the variance, the rift that will turn the tide. 

Now that he knew, he didn’t have to pretend that it was fine anymore. 

I’ll be selfish—Really selfish. 

One last time. 

Cale didn’t bother with greetings. He rose up and hugged his father. Like a child throwing a tantrum, he desperately clung onto him, hugging him tightly even though he knew he didn’t have much strength anymore. 

Deruth knew that this was Cale clinging onto his life selfishly one last time. 

He embraced him tightly, enough to make his son cry himself to sleep again. 

From that day, Deruth didn’t leave Cale’s side. He does all his work in Cale’s room and leaves the entirety of all councils to Violan. 

He’s tired, yes, definitely, but he will never get tired of watching and taking care of Cale. 

No words could express his regret, his indifference, or his fault for pushing his child to the brink. 

He lived without even knowing he contracted such an awful curse. 

He sat beside Cale and took the towel and basin filled with warm water. He carefully wiped Cale’s face and body. His malnourished body made him silently shed tears and bear hatred towards himself. 

Had I been a good father to you—maybe—

“Dad?” 

He paused and looked at Cale. 

“Yes? ” he asked. His face was decorated with a smile. So kind and warm. 

“Hungry,” Cale said. 

Deruth stood up and took the warm bowl of soup he had prepared beforehand. He placed it on the side table before helping Cale sit down. 

Regret filled his heart, knowing that he wasn’t there for Cale. 

That he wasn’t by his side when he needed him most. 

He didn’t let his son take the spoon. He reverently spoons the soup and blows it cold before offering it to Cale. Deruth watched Cale’s surprised expression. 

His face was pale, his eyes were hollow and his skin was dry and chapped. 

He watched Cale open his mouth and take the offered spoonful of soup. 

“It’s good.”

In truth, the soup was bland—almost bitter. Yet, the gesture, the hand-to-hand service, made it really tasty. 

Deruth continued to feed him and wipe his lips. He continued to watch him lovingly, though it hurt—it hurt him so much to see his dear son like this. 

Only in the face of death would someone dare ask people to care for him. 

“I love you, Cale. My boy,” Deruth whispered. 

Cale gazed at him and smiled. He didn’t answer. He didn’t say any word. Cale simply leaned onto him and silently stayed like that for a few more moments. 

Cale didn’t want to expect anything anymore. 

He won’t answer. He won’t say a thing. 

He will simply stay silent before disappearing completely. 

Deruth understood that he would never hear the answer he wanted to hear again in this life. 

He did not deserve those words of love. Never. 

.

.

During the month that Cale stayed at the Henituse Villa, he regained his health and had been spending his time with Bassen or Deruth. Choi Han was around him as well. 

Cale didn’t force them to leave anymore. 

He simply sat there, enjoying a silent moment with books, his brother, and his father. 

He simply stayed there, silently watching them, silently spending his remaining time quietly as if telling them that he would be leaving soon. 

Soon Deruth came into the greenhouse where Cale was taking a nap. He went on his knees, held Cale’s hand, and said, “Let’s go back…”

“...” Cale didn’t answer. 

“Let’s go back home, Cale.” 

Cale weakly smiled and said, “I am already home.” 

Not a place. Not a huge mansion. 

It was a person. 

Bassen, who heard this, was confused. He didn’t understand why the brother who desired to leave whimsically decided to come back. 

But it didn’t matter now, so long as he was back. 

What they didn’t know is that—

Cale had decided to give up this turn and bring the one who will save them all. 

TBC

PS>> I'M GONNA HIT THE TRAGEDY AND HEAVY ANGST. BEEN PREPARING FOR A YEAR KEKEKEKE