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Chapter Text

14 November 1981 - -

Marlene McKinnon was once told that ‘help will always be given at Hogwarts'. She had gone to her former headmaster, paranoia keeping an iron-clad grip on her as her hunt for a traitor progressed.

Two weeks later she was killed amongst her family. She died choking on a friend’s betrayal.

Dorcas Meadowes had the same words spoken to her a few years prior. Albus Dumbledore had looked her in the eyes and told her not to worry, that her friends would be given the help they needed.

She was killed fighting opposite those same friends, the ones who she had grown up with. She still lost them in the end.

Lily Evans heard that phrase as well. She’d held her child close to her chest and clung to her husband’s hand as she put all her trust in a man who promised they’d be safe.

She was killed protecting her child with her husband dead at the front door. She’d collapsed to her knees and screamed her lungs raw.

Mary Macdonald was told twice that ‘help would always be given at Hogwarts’. She was the only one to have lived.

The first time, well, that might have all but been irrelevant to Albus Dumbledore. Nothing was done.

The second time, she’d thrown anything at Dumbledore that she could get her hands on as he sat there and calmly regarded her. She’d screamed and screamed and all her rage poured out. And he just… sat there.

Mary clutched at the roots of her hair. Mournful stares had followed her on her storm out to Hogsmeade. The walls screamed memories at her she didn’t want. Somehow she’d still made it out of the castle without breaking down at anyone else.

She stood crouching next to the only telephone in the area. Her cheeks were wet with tears that she didn’t remember crying. She stared through blurry vision at the stones beneath her feet. Her thoughts centred around I can’t do it I can’t do it I can’t do this. That’s all she could think since… well since the very beginning of the war.

Her thoughts got worse after what happened to Marlene and Dorcas.

After what happened to Lily.

Lily. Lily, her Lily. Lovely Lily. Sweet, beautiful, Lily.

Mary handled it when they had to let go of Marlene and Dorcas. Barely, but she did. She handled it when she had to help box up their things and pack away their lives. Handled it when her friends became nothing more than two more names on the obituary list in the back of the Daily Prophet.

She had not handled Lily. Namely because she could not go anywhere without seeing her picture or hearing her name. Newspapers and the like. People on the street. Her own freaking head.

Besides Lily, there had been only one other thing on her mind. Lily’s son. All of which led her to that day.

She’d had to go to Dumbledore. He was the last left who she could talk to clearly about any of it. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to think she could talk clearly about it. He’d refused to tell her where Lily’s son had gone. He’d simply rattled on about safety and help.

Except the only reason she was sitting on cold stones by a years-old payphone was because none of them had received those things from him.

Mary dragged her palms over her eyes and down her cheeks. She pulled herself to her feet and grabbed the telephone. She tilted her head and rested the receiver between her shoulder and cheek. She slipped a coin in and punched in the buttons of the number for the only person left she could call.

“Hello?”

“Remus?”

“Mary?” Bottles clanked through the line. His voice sounded raw and worn. “Where are you calling from?”

“Hogsmeade.”

He drew in a deep breath, “Right, that… uh, how’d it go with Dumbledore?”

“He won’t tell me where Harry is. He just kept going on about how he’s ‘in a safe place’.” She leaned against the telephone box, head tilted back as she closed her eyes.

“That sounds like Dumbledore.”

“I hate him. I hate all of it.” She squeezed her eyes shut harder and tried to force back growing tears. “Fuck, I can’t do this.”

Remus was silent. What could he have possibly said? She knew he felt the same way, even if he wouldn’t voice it. He was breaking apart at the seams just as much as she was.

“I can’t keep doing this. I mean, I can’t think about anything else. Fuck. I just keep…” she struggled to find the word, “remembering.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he sounded tired, he always sounded tired those days.

“I don’t want to remember, Remus,” she whispered as if it were some secret.

Maybe it was some secret. She had tried to tuck those thoughts away. The ones that told her she’d be happier if she simply had nothing to remember. Nothing to cry over. Nothing to be angry about. They were disgraceful. To herself. To her friends.

Yet, they kept coming back.

“I know, I do. But there’s not much to do about that, I guess,” the words sounded bitter coming from him.

“I guess,” she echoed. “I should go.”

“Bye.” He might as well have been a million miles away; he hadn’t truly heard anything she’d said.

She didn’t blame him for that, though. How could she?

“Goodbye, Remus.”

She set the phone back in its place.

The wind whistled through the empty streets. The sky was dreary and it was nearing night so every level-headed person was inside. Mary was left on her own.

If she tried hard enough, she could imagine she was still in school. She could picture Lily and Marlene running out from the bookshop towards her as she waited for them. They would be laughing. When they got closer Marlene would obnoxiously wave as if Mary weren’t standing a few paces away and Lily would smile her dazzling smile at her. Mary would be warm and wrapped in her cloak and scarf and her friends would link their arms with hers and they’d be smiling and laughing and–

And tears wouldn’t be filling Mary’s eyes to the point where she couldn’t see.

She apparated away before they could fall.

Her knees buckled once her feet hit the floor of her place. She’d ended up just inside her doorway.

Her nails dug crescents into her palms as her tears hit her knees. She wept in silence. She didn’t have anything more to give than that. Days ago she had screamed as her body shook with grief. Hours ago she had yelled and her anger had ravaged a path.

She couldn’t feel any sadness that was left, or any anger. She was simply a gaping void of feeling. Her chest had been ripped open and her heart wrenched from her clinging hands. She wanted to hold on longer. She wanted to hold them again. To wrap her arms through theirs, to swing their hands as they walked side by side, to hug them closer to her, to keep them safe.

She wanted to not remember. Marlene's laugh. Lily’s smile. Marlene’s gravestone. Lily’s gravestone.

Mary uncurled her nails from her palms. She grabbed her wand from where it had dropped to the floor in her hasty apparating. She sat back against her door and toyed with the wand. She brought it up to her temple, the incantation on the tip of her tongue.

Obliviate.

She should just say it. Just to rid herself of the pain. It would be so easy. One word and she wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. She wouldn’t have to hurt whenever her mind reminded her of people long gone.

Just say it.

Obliviate.

Do it.

She opened her mouth. She’d do it this time. She’d say it.

All that came out was a strangled cry.

She flung her wand from her hand. It landed heavily against the ground. She hoped she’d broken it, cracked it, anything. She hoped, for her own good, that it wouldn’t work anymore. Because she couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it.

Mary could never leave her friends behind in a different world. She could never forget them.

It would be a worse kind of pain.

12 October 1991 - -

Mary unlatches the window and the owl hops inside onto the windowsill. It nudges her hand and she strokes a finger down its beak mindlessly before taking the letter it clutches. She heads back towards her seat and flips it over to see who sent it.

Mary pauses in front of her chair. The parchment is thick and familiar. There isn’t a return address, just like that first letter she had gotten so many years ago. But unlike that first letter, the seal on this envelope is not the Hogwarts crest.

This one is her old professor's seal, gold wax with a lion stamped into it.

She swipes a finger underneath it to break it and gingerly pulls the letter out. She drops the envelope on the table and unfolds the parchment. The letter comes with a photograph.

Dear Miss Macdonald,

This letter may come as a surprise, as I have not had much correspondence with you since after you finished your schooling.

I wanted to inform you that Harry Potter has started his first year at Hogwarts. He was sorted into Gryffindor. He shows great promise, much like his mother and father.

He has also made the Quidditch team. Seeker, youngest to be so in quite some time. He has a natural talent for it, which is not shocking.

I also wanted to invite you to the first quidditch match of the season. It is not usually allowed, but I am certain an exception can be made. The match is sure to be exciting, as it is Gryffindor against Slytherin.

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Mary reads the letter three times over. McGonagall is right, she’s had very little correspondence with her. Then again, she’s had very little correspondence with most people she used to know.

Not that there are many left she wants to talk to.

She passes the letter to her other hand and holds the photo up. It is of eleven-year-old Harry. Or at least, that’s what she assumes. The most recent photo she has of him, he was only a year old in it.

She leans back against the table and bites at her lip. The reminder of her friends is an unexpected one. She has become used to certain things that bore any part of them. She tends to avoid those things. But now, with a letter heavy in her hands, she can hardly ignore it.

She folds the letter back up and heads upstairs. She tries to keep her mind calm and in the present. The wooden bannister. The colour of the walls. Her feet on the landing when she gets to the top of the stairs.

Anything but the letter in her hand.

Which she promptly shoves into her back pocket so she can pull down the ladder to the loft.

The room, technically, doesn’t have much in it. To Mary, it holds what remains of her friends’ lives. Boxes tightly shut, packed full of their things. Photographs, clothes, and the like.

She’s never had the heart to get rid of any of it. So instead she keeps it packed away. She doesn’t want to think about it, but she has moved past wanting to forget about it altogether.

In the corner, there is a pensieve. Shelves stand next to it. They hold little jars of her memories, all the things that had just been too much for her to keep in her head. She has left some memories in her head. The ones on the shelves are simply the ones too hard to bear after they were all gone.

Which had ended up being most of them, but not all.

She still remembers their faces, names, and the love she has for them. She remembers that she grew up with them. She remembers what was left behind when they died.

She doesn’t remember the rest. That is what she keeps on the shelves. They have been pulled completely from her mind. She is still aware of them, but she doesn’t have to know them as much. There are no specifics, no exacts, no recalling details, only awareness that they had once filled her head. They became distant feelings, unattached from real events.

Taking so much out has caused some gaps, but she can deal with gaps much easier.

Mary sits on the floor and pulls one of the boxes towards her. She slowly sifts through the contents. She pulls out a scrapbook that has cut-out letters that spell out ‘Harry’ on the front cover. She’d placed preserving spells on everything, so the scrapbook might as well be exactly as it was the day it was last touched.

She leafs through the pages, pausing now and then to watch the pictures move. Lily in her hospital bed with newborn Harry. Marlene in a rocking chair with Harry. Dorcas holding onto Harry’s hands so he can stand. Herself smiling goofily back in a way that mimics Harry’s own.

She gets to the end of the scrapbook far too early. There are still blank pages in the back, waiting to be filled by pictures never taken.

Mary leaves the scrapbook open on the floor to an empty page with McGonagall’s letter and the photo of Harry sitting on top.

She leans over and takes a small wooden chest from the box. She opens it carefully as if her protective charms keeping it pristine might fail.

She lets the contents of it spill out onto the floor. Little photos scatter across the ground. She flips them when they’re turned over or sideways, and she does so until every last one is a memory staring her right in the face.

She doesn’t know when most were taken, but they bring her indescribable happiness.

Happiness she doesn’t think she’s had since before her disjointed memory was still whole. A warmth that is all-encompassing and as comforting as if the people in the photos were sitting beside her. It makes her chest ache and her heart yearn. It’s a feeling that makes her want to never stop smiling.

Until she does stop, and the heartache becomes heartbreak. Until she wants to know what happened, why she doesn’t have these people anymore. Why can she not hold them until the cold surpasses? Why were they taken from her?

For all she knows is that they are gone, and will never come back. She knows distantly of a war that happened that is now over. She might as well have taken the lines off a painting, leaving only colours with no definite shape or meaning.

Needless to say, she doesn’t come up to the loft very often. She gets too curious. That curiosity morphs into a desperate need to remember, and that just hurts her more.

But for this moment, she allows herself to be curious.

She picks each photo up and turns them over. Every last one is dated on the back with a small note on the front. They go back to July of 1973.

She spreads them out based on year. She can see the evolution of time across the photos. The people in them grow older with each. She can see life moving even though the pictures don’t. She thinks she prefers these; they’re still photos. She’s never been able to look too long at the moving ones that depict laughing girls and smiling friends.

Mary takes her time to look through them. She picks up to read the ones that catch her eye.

Herself laying upside down off the edge of a four-poster bed framed by red curtains.

Mary Macdonald

September ‘73

First photo taken in Hogwarts

The three girls in the bathroom helping Marlene with her hair.

Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, and Mary Macdonald

November ‘74

Re-dying Marlene’s hair the muggle way

Lily beaming at the camera as Mary stared at her.

Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald

January ‘75

Me and my darling Mary

Lily and Remus sitting on a picnic as the sun sets behind them.

Lily Evans and Remus Lupin

August ‘76

Picnic + stargazing

Dorcas standing behind Marlene with her arms wrapped around her waist.

Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadowes

July ‘77

Last day of our trip

The whole group on top of a tower of rocks in the woods.

Lily, Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter

July ‘77

Our last summer!

Mary holds the six photos close. Her next breath hiccups in her chest. She presses her lips together and closes her eyes. She’s done this before; she knows what it feels like. And she keeps on subjecting herself to it. That is because, past all that hurt, there is a deep longing to have whatever is left of them.Whatever left she can handle.

Especially Lily. Always Lily.

Why Lily? She can’t remember. They were friends, nothing else. She had lots of friends, she thinks. But Lily sticks in her head more often than not.

But photos won’t bring back the photographer. And happy handwritten notes underneath the pictures won’t make memories known again.

So she puts the photos back in the chest and packs away the words.

She pulls the box towards her to place the chest back in it. Her eyes catch on an envelope discarded at the bottom of it. She sets the chest back in its place and grabs the envelope. On the back is only her first name, one singular word in handwriting she can no longer assign to a person.

Today seems to be the day for letters and reminiscing. The seal on it is worn and already broken, but she can’t place what the letter might say. It’s also weighed down by something else in it besides the parchment. She’s read it before, multiple times it seems. If it’s enough for her to have taken it out of her memory more than once, perhaps she shouldn’t open it.

But Mary is a weak person. She sits back off her knees and pulls out the letter. Along with it is a lighter. It’s red with a gold outline. On the bottom, carved into it in smooth letters is M + D. She sets it aside and unfolds the letter.

My very dear friend Mary,

The first time I saw you, you were sitting in a boat bathed in silver moonlight. You smiled at me and that was it. That was all I needed.

You were the sweetest person I’d ever met. When I needed you the most you were there. I never even had to ask, you’d be by my side instantly.

Of course, I was completely and utterly gone on you. How could I not be?

Mary sets the letter down in her lap and clutches at the lighter. She refuses to read further. It does not feel like something she should read at all. A love confession from one of her dead best friends is not a route she needs to go down. Especially as she has this overarching thought that she was never given that letter. That the only reason she has it is because someone is dead. It is almost disgraceful to read a letter from a girl she does not remember.

Mary scrambles to put the letter back in its envelope. She pauses to look at the lighter in her hand. She tries to light it. Sparks flash from it but no flame lights. She tries a few more times to no avail.

If she thinks hard enough, she can almost picture it. She can almost picture the lighter in her friend’s hand. Can see the flame spark up. Can smell the smoke after it’s used to light a cigarette. If she could just get it to light now then maybe she’ll be able to see how it looked when it was held by someone else.

But she can’t bring back a life by flicking a lighter. And she can’t bring back a memory she never had by reading a letter.

The stairs behind Mary creak. She wipes the tears off her cheeks with the back of her hand and turns to look. The dark-haired girl holds the empty envelope from McGonagall’s letter that Mary had left on the kitchen table.

“Hey,” Emmeline says softly.

“Oh, hi.”

Emmeline approaches Mary, carefully and slowly. Mary hates that Emmeline has to walk on eggshells around her sometimes. Sure, Mary has had to do the same for her, but it always makes her feel… less.

Emmeline’s eyes attach to the lighter in her hand. She crouches next to Mary with a comforting, yet sorrow-filled, smile. She pries the lighter from Mary’s clenched fist. She takes the letter from the ground and carefully smooths the seal back down over it. She drops both items back into the box.

Emmeline lays a hand on Mary’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to respond to whatever they sent you.”

With that, Mary’s eyes fill with inevitable tears. Such a statement is the epitome of Emmeline Vance. Truthful yet comforting. It is most often what Mary needs in moments like these. Something to make her understand that she is in control and that she can pry herself away from melting into the past. She and Emmeline take care of each other like that. They are the only ones left that either seem to have.

“I’m not going to,” Mary says, her voice shaking.

Mary, who has the sudden urge to leave the attic, stuffs McGonagall’s letter back in the envelope and puts it away with the photos and the letter. She stands and dusts her pants off. Emmeline stands with her.

“We should go out to eat,” Mary suggests.

“Or we could stay here if you don’t feel up to doing anything,” Emmeline coaxes.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll meet you down by the door.”

Such is what usually happens, one deflects and the other will allow it. Both of them know not to push the other too hard but still know how to bring comfort. Mary is extremely grateful for it.

Emmeline nods and disappears back down the stairs.

Mary hastily turns and goes for one of the shelves by the pensieve. She takes from it an empty vial. She pulls the words of the letter and the photos taken years ago out of her head. The bright white string of memory settles into the vial and she places it back on the shelf.

This is what she does; this is what she has become.

She is the last memory of those long gone. She is a destruction of a person caused by sweetness turned bitter.

She has watched everyone around her fall away like petals off a flower that is slowly dying. All that is left is the stem, ripped up with only its thorns left.

Mary is the wilted version of everything she used to be.

But who even was Mary Macdonald? Who were any of them? Lily, Marlene, Dorcas? Then there are the others lost along the way. Maybe her knowledge of them is not anyone else’s. Maybe their stories differ due to who’s telling it. Who is to say who they are? Who can actually know them now that they are gone? The answer isn’t a simple one, as maybe they didn’t even know themselves. Death stung and crept, but that doesn't mean life didn’t flourish first.

Chapter Text

1 July 1971 - - Lily

The floorboards creaked under Lily’s feet as she ran up the stairs. Her hand skimmed the bannister as her socks slipped over the wood. She turned into the small bathroom that split off from her and her sister’s room and grabbed her hairbrush. She yanked it through the knotted tangles of her hair, hoping to quickly fix the mess it was on her head.

Downstairs the doorbell rang, loud and shrill.

“Lily! Door!”

“Got it, Mum!”

Brush still in hand and hair only slightly combed, Lily booked it back downstairs.

She opened the door to find a stranger in vibrant green clothing. The woman had a kind, yet strict, look to her. She could be described as odd by all definitions of the word, or at the very least, that is how she looked standing where she did. On the mundane porch of the Evans’ house, she was quite remarkable.

“Hi, can I help you?” Lily asked.

“Hello. I am Minerva Mcgonagall. You are Lily Evans, are you not?”

Lily nodded slowly. Minerva McGonagall smiled at her softly and held out an envelope.

“Then this is for you, Miss Evans.”

Lily took the letter from her, her heart pounding and a sense of anticipation filling her. Her eyes drifted away from the woman to the words written on the envelope. Her address and name were the only things there; there was nothing to indicate where it was coming from besides the strange woman. But she knew.

“Lily, who is that at the door?”

Her mum came out from the kitchen and laid a hand on Lily’s back as she looked at Minerva McGonagall. Lily cast her only a sideways glance. She broke the seal and pulled the letter free as her mum started up a conversation with the stranger. Lily wasn’t listening, too focused on the letter in her hands.

Dear Miss Evans,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Deputy Headmistress

“It is real.” she blurted out, loudly cutting through whatever Minerva McGonagall had been saying.

Her mother looked astonished, the complete opposite of what Lily felt.

“Severus wasn’t lying,” Lily breathed.

Minerva McGonagall simply smiled down at her, “Yes, I assure it is real. You are a witch. Like I was telling your mother, you have been granted a spot at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to properly learn what you must.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth? I mean this all sounds a little ridiculous, you must understand that,” her mum was quick to say.

Minerva McGonagall nodded one quick head movement, before glancing at her surroundings. When she seemed sure of whatever she had been looking for, she faced them once again. The woman promptly shrank down into… a cat. The cat stared up at them with a bored expression, and with a flick of its tail, was Minerva McGonagall again.

Lily looked over at her mum, eyes wide, eager and so ready to finally be telling her parents what Severus had told her years ago. Her mum’s hand fell away from Lily’s back and she swung the door open wider.

“Would you like to come in for some tea?”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Lily was what was called a muggle-born, McGonagall had told them. She had no immediate family who was magical, but somewhere in her distant family, there had been someone who had been a witch or wizard.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was the closest magical school. It was apparently also said to be one of the best. That was the school Lily would attend for the next seven years. It was located in Scotland, and she would stay the full school year in the dorms, with the ability to go home during the breaks.

Lily was to go with McGonagall soon to retrieve the items she would need for school. McGonagall explained that she would help guide Lily to what she needed–in a place called Diagon Alley–so in the next few years she would be able to find them for herself. Lily had briefly looked over the list she had gotten with her letter and found some of the things on it to be odd. A cauldron, an owl, and more.

The term, as the letter said, started on the first of September. Lily had two months until then to get used to the fact that it was all real. She was a witch, beyond just its concept.

She had sat and listened to all of this with her parents at the kitchen table, as if she didn’t know it already. McGonagall had told her there were still many things she would learn and need to figure out, but that about covered it. Lily didn’t let it slip that she knew more than that already.

After that, her parents dismissed her so they could talk to McGonagall alone.

She sat at the top of the steps, side-by-side with her sister. She had just explained all that McGonagall had said to her. Petunia had not said a word since the professor had walked past the door. Lily did not know how to take her quietness. Petunia could usually talk endlessly with Lily.

“Why aren’t I a witch?” Petunia spoke up suddenly.

“Professor McGonagall said when magic gets passed down like this it doesn’t affect the whole family,” Lily explained.

“Oh.”

The sisters lapsed back into silence. Petunia twisted at her fingers.

“So I guess we aren’t going to be in school together anymore,” Petunia whispered.

“No, I’ll be at Hogwarts.” Lily frowned.

“Oh.”

She grabbed Petunia’s hand and held it tight in her own to get her to stop picking at her nails.

“I’ll write to you! Every month, every week even,” Lily assured her.

“You will?”

“Of course, Tuney! And I’ll come home for breaks, too. It’s just school, it won’t change that much.” Lily squeezed her hand once and Petunia squeezed it back.

“Right, it’s just school,” Petunia echoed.

1 September 1971 - - Marlene

Marlene McKinnon’s father had once been an all-star quidditch player. Over the years, that had come to mean less and less to her. In fact, it was the reason why he had come to be less of a father. So that’s why when it was Marlene’s turn to finally board the Hogwarts train, it was her brothers’ job to make it happen.

They weren’t exactly her first choice of people for what she considered to be a momentous occasion. She thought she might even have preferred her always frazzled mother toting along her baby brother. But her mother had too much work to do and too much else to take care of to worry about Marlene as well.

“Alright,” her older brother, Finley, slapped her shoulder and pointed, “Just run, fast as you can, straight towards that wall between nine and ten.”

“That’s it? That’s all the advice you have for me?”

“There’s really nothing else to it. Didn’t Mum or Dad explain it to you?” Finley raised an eyebrow at her.

“No, they didn’t.”

“Oh Merlin,” her oldest brother, Magnus, glanced up from his watch with an eye roll. “It isn’t complicated.”

His annoyance was evident in his tone. He’d do anything to make the whole ordeal end sooner. He quickly strolled up to the brick wall and disappeared through it, the clacking of his shoes fading with the rest of him.

“I’ll give you five sickles if you find a way to waste his time even more.” Finley grinned at her childishly and nudged her with his elbow.

“Make it ten and I'll consider.” She grinned back and took off towards the wall with her trolley.

She passed through the wall as if it were nothing. She could feel the magic sliding over her, leaving her skin tingling and putting a shiver up her spine.

The loud, bustling atmosphere on the other side was everything she imagined it to be. Families rushed around and friends shouted and waved at each other. It was magic in a way that was vastly different from how she grew up with it. It was warm and bright like the sun that flooded the whole station.

Marlene looked around with wide eyes. She had never seen it before. During her brothers’ first years, they’d had the luxury of their father being with them. She had never gone with, always left at home no matter how many times she asked to tag along. And when she would ask about what it was like she always got a mumbled, unenthusiastic response.

At first sight, it was magnificent.

“You have everything, right?” Magnus asked, voice flat and bored as he once again checked his watch.

“As long as I haven’t lost anything in the last hour, I’m all good,” she cracked a smile up at him.

“Good,” he didn’t laugh, instead turning towards Finley. “Make sure she gets on the train, Finn. I have to get to work.”

He was gone the next second, having apparated away before anyone else could have gotten a word in.

“Prick,” Finley muttered under his breath.

Marlene shrugged it off. They were both used to Magnus caring more about punctuality and his career than anything else. It was common for him to disappear into his work, so it didn’t surprise her that he’d take the first opportunity to do so.

“I should go. I want to be able to find somewhere good to sit,” Marlene said. She was eager to get going, to see all the things she was finally going to be around.

“Yeah, yeah, go on. I’ll wait here until the train leaves,” he told her with a nod.

She nodded back and turned towards the train. She was ready for this, she had been waiting for this for years. She would go and find a place to sit, maybe with someone she knew, and then she would be at Hogwarts. She was ready, she would be there soon. It would be great.

The hesitance that followed her around crept back in. She froze on the spot. Her nerves shot back into existence, panic swelling up inside her. Was she ready though? Hogwarts would be a big part of the next years of her life.

“Hey,” Finley dragged her back a step and pulled her into a one-armed hug, “It’s going to be great, you know.”

She looked up at him in unease.

“I swear! You’re going to ace your classes, you’re going to meet lots of new people, and it’s going to be great,” he reassured her. “And the beds there are the most comfortable things ever.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed out a laugh. A smile broke through on her face as he shook her back and forth a little. She shoved him off her and pulled her trolley back to her side.

“Okay, really this time, go get on the train.” A shit-eating grin spread across his face and he reached over and messed up her hair.

“I got it Finn, I’m going!”

She waved goodbye and headed to the train.

She found an empty compartment easily enough and sat down by the window. Out in the station, people were saying their goodbyes and finding their way onto the train. She couldn’t see her brother, but he was surely out there somewhere.

Marlene didn’t know many others who were there. She had tried to look for the two she did know, either James Potter or Peter Pettigrew–although knowing them they wouldn’t be too far from each other. They lived near her, on the opposite side of the town. They had met when Marlene and her family had first moved to England from a small town in Northern Ireland. They had been friends since the moment they met. James was the friendliest person alive and Peter had always been easy to get along with.

But she hadn’t found them, so she sat alone.

She hadn’t expected to not have someone to sit with, but was simply telling herself that once she got to Hogwarts there would be people there she would sit with and talk to and whatnot. She was also simply ignoring the fact that no one else was in the compartment with her.

Although, it was getting hard for her to ignore it. She wasn’t used to the quiet, and the muted noises of people in other compartments weren’t nearly as loud as she liked to be around. She hummed to herself, tapping her fingers on her knees in rhythm with the song.

The train started moving a few moments later. She leaned close to the window and watched out at the parents and siblings waving. She caught sight of her brother and waved goodbye to him. He waved back animatedly as the train pulled away. She sat back when she could no longer see him and settled in for the rest of the quiet ride.

1 September 1971 - - Mary

The sun had started to set while they were still on the train. When Mary got off it, the sky framed the ground in orange and red hues. Lines of pink struck through the other colours like bolts of lightning.

The lake in front of them stretched on for ages and led up to the castle. It was like nothing Mary had ever seen before. It loomed before her in great spires. It looked ancient.

“Firs’ years, over here, come on now!” a large man called out.

Mary drifted towards the lake’s edge with the group of first years. Boats sat in the water, waiting to be filled with students.

“No more than four to a boat, don’ leave anyone on the shore.”

Some shuffled into smaller groups. Ones who had people they knew claimed boats quicker while others, like Mary, hung on the outs of everyone. She ended up in an empty boat. That was until a brunette girl stepped towards it.

“Mind if I sit here?”

Mary waved her hand nonchalantly, “Go ahead.”

“Thanks!”

The girl sat across from her, fidgeting around and looking anywhere but where Mary sat. Most people were in boats now. Mary watched a redhead girl separate from the boy she had been standing with and head to the boat Mary was in. The girl sat quietly, smiling for a brief second at Mary and the dark-haired girl. She had bright green eyes, like that of the stems of flowers or tree leaves in springtime.

The boats moved by themselves. They lurched forward off the shore of the lake, all on their own. Mary grabbed the side of the boat, surprised at the sudden movement. She watched the water as they moved through it. The reflection of the sky painted the ripples in their wake in bright colours.

“I’m Marlene Mckinnon,” the brunette girl said all of a sudden. “What are your names?”

“Lily Evans,” the redhead smiled brightly at Marlene.

“Mary Macdonald.” Marlene’s deep blue eyes shifted to Mary as she spoke. Mary extended her hand towards the girl, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Marlene nodded eagerly and shook her hand. Mary looked over at Lily, and when she caught her eyes, Lily held up her hand in a small wave and mumbled, “Hi.”

“Hello,” Mary said to her.

“What houses do you think you’ll be in?” Marlene asked the two of them.

Houses? Mary thought. Mary glanced at Lily, who was giving Marlene a blank stare. Marlene hesitated for a moment before she exclaimed,

“Oh! You must be muggle-born, huh?”

“That’s what I was told,” Mary said which Lily nodded along with.

“There are four houses, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff,” Marlene ticked them off on her fingers as she talked.

“Gryffindor is about bravery, Slytherin is ambition, Ravenclaw is intelligence, and Hufflepuff is kindness. Whichever one you’re in decides where your dorm is, who you’re around, that kind of stuff. I’m hoping I’m in Gryffindor,” Marlene explained.

“Oh, yeah! My friend told me a little about that,” Lily said.

The boats came to a stop and the large man yelled, “Off the boats now! Go on up tha’ path, McGonagall will meet ya up there.”

In the rush of students, Mary lost both Marlene and Lily. She was swept up into the castle and onto a staircase. Mary glanced around but couldn’t find either of the girls. They were the only familiar faces, so even though she didn’t really know them it still would’ve been more reassuring than being surrounded by complete strangers.

Professor McGonagall, the woman who had come to her house to explain to her and her family that she was a witch, stood at the top of the stairs. She beckoned them forward.

Mary couldn’t say she knew what to expect next.

1 September 1971 - - Dorcas

The stars above the Great Hall were brighter than Dorcas had ever seen them be in the real sky. Little candles floated around, all lit up with flickering flames. Dorcas stared up at it as the whole of the first years walked to the front of the room. They passed tables full of the other students who watched them, curious to see where they would be sorted.

Someone bumped into Dorcas from behind. She cast a look over her shoulder and came face to face with the person there. The girl had long white hair that had little blue flowers braided into her. The bright white was a great contrast to her tanned skin and blue eyes. The closer Dorcas looked, the more she realised that the flowers matched the hue surrounding her pupils.

“I’m sorry, I was admiring the ceiling instead of looking where I was going,” the girl told her.

“So was I,” Dorcas laughed.

“I’m Pandora Rosier,” the girl said.

“Dorcas Meadowes.”

“It really is marvellous.” Pandora pointed up at the ceiling.

“It is. And it’s amazing magic,” Dorcas added.

“Did you know they built arches around it the way they did to make it look more like the sky?” Pandora asked.

“And the Headmaster controls what it looks like, but it also reacts to the people in the hall?” Dorcas asked with a slight smile.

Pandora’s face lit up, “You’ve read Hogwarts A History, too?”

“Yeah! I read it a few weeks ago,” Dorcas grinned.

Pandora went to say something else, but Professor McGonagall spoke up and started the sorting. She started calling names and the hall went silent. One by one, the first years had the Sorting Hat placed on their heads and were put into their houses. Dorcas stood next to Pandora, waiting for Professor McGonagall to get to her.

“Mckinnon, Marlene.”

That girl was sorted into Gryffindor.

“Meadowes, Dorcas.”

Dorcas walked up to the front and sat down on the stool. The hat was placed on her head and drooped over her eyes.

Well, you certainly are something, the hat told her. She frowned at that. Sure, she didn’t know what house she’d be in, but it was weird to hear something like that.

You do have some intelligence to you, so perhaps Ravenclaw.

But maybe Gryffindor, for the bravery you hold.

No that is not right, for your strong ambition you will hold in life exceeds it all, and for that, you should be in…

“SLYTHERIN!”

The hat was taken from her head and she went on down to the Slytherin table. Older students around her nodded to her and she nodded back, a small acknowledgement that she was now a part of the house.

The sorting went on. Pandora was placed into Ravenclaw. The two tables were next to each other, and Pandora sat behind Dorcas. They smiled at each other but stayed quiet as the names kept on getting called.

Once Professor McGonagall had gotten through everyone, the Headmaster, Dumbledore, stood and made his way to the front.

“A few words before the feast. Another year has started, just as the last year has passed,” he paused, looking perhaps as if he were to say no more than that, before briefly continuing.

“So welcome, or welcome back, to Hogwarts.”

Chapter Text

September 1971 - - Marlene

Marlene had found James and Peter once the feast started. They too were sorted into Gryffindor, which came as no surprise to her. She sat to the right of Peter. He had said hello to her when he had sat down. James, on the other hand, had been talking to the boy across from him to the point where he hadn’t noticed her yet. His name was Sirius Black and she recognized him only from his family name. They were a part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. He had dark, glossy hair and high cheekbones. Across from Peter was another boy who was more quiet than James and Sirius. His name was Remus Lupin. His sleeves engulfed his arms, but when they fell back Marlene caught glimpses of faint scars.

She learned from Peter that they had met on the train. They got on well from the moment they met. Apparently, James hadn’t stopped talking since. Marlene tried to not let it bother her Peter and James had already made friends whilst she hadn’t.

The girls she had talked to briefly on the boats, Mary and Lily, sat next to her. None of them had said so much as a word to each other as the feast started.

“McKinnon! I didn’t see you over there!” James exclaimed.

“Hey, Potter,” Marlene nodded to him.

“Look at us,” he shook Peter’s shoulder with a wide smile. “We’re all in Gryffindor!”

She grinned back at him. James had wanted to be Gryffindor forever, and in the months leading up to September, it was one of the only things he talked about. Peter had been convinced he wouldn’t get into Gryffindor, but he did and he seemed pretty happy now that he was.

The two went back to talking to the others. Marlene was bracketed by the boys’ endless conversation and the girls’ endless silence. She sat quietly between the two groups and joined in on the silence. Words stuck in her throat. She didn’t know whether to talk to Mary and Lily like she had on the boat. They’d said little then and she couldn’t have helped the need to be the one to talk. Yet, sitting there, surrounded by so many others, she didn’t feel like doing that again.

It wasn’t a matter of if they were friendly or not, they both seemed to be, it was simply that it was awkward. Marlene didn’t know what to do with awkwardness. She hoped whoever was in her dorm with her was more talkative.

The feast drew to a close and students started trickling out to go to their houses. The head girl and boy of Gryffindor rounded up all the first years. Marlene fell in step with the others as they headed to Gryffindor Tower.

They stopped at the portrait of a large woman with dark curls and a white dress. There they were given the current password to get into Gryffindor Tower (bubotuber). They went on through to the common room. It was covered in the colours of Gryffindor. Tables and chairs were scattered across the room. There was a fireplace to one side and two separate staircases that led up to the dorms. The ceiling was high above and windows stretched up to the top of it.

“You can go on up and find your rooms now. Curfew is at ten and in the morning you have to stay in the tower until six. There are prefects on patrol so I’d suggest not breaking curfew, alright?” the head boy told the first years.

They nodded along before dispersing towards the staircases. Marlene was one of the first girls to make it up the stairs, eager to find her dorm. Each door had the name of four students on it. Marlene was quick to find her name. She glanced at the other names as well, curious as to who it would be.

Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald were in her room. Her eagerness bled away and her shoulders slumped back. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them – again, she did – she just wasn’t sure how to act around them. She’d talked to them for no more than five minutes and had pretty much disappeared afterwards because she didn’t know what else to say.

She opened the door and found that one girl was already there. The fourth girl in the dorm who Marlene didn’t recognize as being a first-year student.

The girl looked up when she walked in and waved at her. She had dark hair cut close to her chin and Marlene noticed her hands were covered in small doodles.

“Hi! I’m Alice,” she said.

“Hello,” Marlene waved back. “I’m Marlene.”

Marlene saw her trunk at the end of the second bed from the door. She went over and opened it, pulling a few things out to put on the bedside table.

“You’re not a first-year, are you?” Marlene asked her.

“Nope, I’m a third-year. They try to keep each year together, but sometimes there’s an overlap,” Alice told her.

The door creaked open and Lily came in. Her hair fell around her face in long red waves. She turned her head slightly and looked over at them as she stood by her bed. Her eyes were a piercing emerald green. Freckles were scattered across her nose and cheeks.

Alice immediately introduced herself as she had done with Marlene. Lily did as well, with the same bright smile she had given Marlene back on the boat. She looked brighter when she smiled, somehow.

Mary showed up a few moments after quiet had settled among the three. Alice and Mary went through their introductions as Marlene unpacked. She set a picture of her family on the bedside table along with her folded-up pyjamas. She grabbed her hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, and a few other things to take to the bathroom.

There were a couple of drawers under the sink. Marlene opened the far-left one. It was empty, so she set her things in there and closed the drawer. The bathroom wasn’t especially large, but Marlene was used to sharing spaces so it didn’t bother her. As long as none of them took too much time in the mornings it would be fine.

Outside the bathroom, Mary and Alice were talking as they unpacked.

“I can’t imagine not ever knowing I was a witch. How did you find out then?” Alice asked.

“Professor McGonagall came to my house. She told me all about Hogwarts and magic,” Mary said. “My Mum didn’t believe her, but then she made everything fly in our house.”

Lily spoke up, “She gave me my Hogwarts acceptance letter before she even told me I’m a witch. After that, she turned into a cat!”

“She gave you the letter before she explained it?” Marlene raised her eyebrows with a laugh.

Lily nodded, laughing along with Marlene.

Marlene looked around the room. There were two windows on the outside wall that had dark crimson curtains hung on them. It was dark out now with no hint of the sun. Stars glimmered in the pitch black and the moon hung low. It had gotten late; the feast had gone on for a long while.

Alice had left to find her friends. The three of them were quiet now that she had gone. Marlene changed into her pyjamas and pulled a book from her trunk. She crawled onto the bed and shut the curtains around it.

Her brother was right. The bed was very comfortable. Marlene fell back onto the pillows. She tried to occupy her mind with reading, but her thoughts kept drifting away from her. Eventually, she gave up on it and opted to lay there staring at the top of the bed.

At some point, Alice came back and the lights turned off. Light snores came from someone, though she wasn’t sure who. She eventually drifted off to sleep.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Breakfast was as silent as dinner the night before had been. Besides her, the four boys chatted loudly. Marlene, Mary, and Lily however were a different story. They had been fine that morning when Alice was there, but once Alice was gone they were silent again. So Marlene ate in that silence and didn’t try to break it.

They had transfiguration with the Slytherins first. Marlene took a seat next to Mary. Lily went to sit by them but stopped when a Slytherin boy waved her over. So she instead sat with him and the two instantly started talking. She seemed more lively once she was by him. Marlene caught Lily motioning toward her and Mary. She watched the boy look over at them. He frowned as he looked them up and down.

There was something off-putting about him. His hair was dark and considerably greasy looking. He didn’t look too happy, even with Lily brightly smiling next to him.

Marlene glanced at Mary. She was watching them too with her nose wrinkled and an odd look on her face. Mary’s eyes swivelled over to Marlene. They shared a look. She was obviously as off-put by him as she was.

Marlene had no more time to think about it though, as Professor McGonagall started the lesson.

Transfiguration went by quickly. It was mostly introductory and an overview of what they would be working on for the duration of the year. After Transfiguration was over they had History of Magic. It was deathly boring and the professor’s voice grated at her very soul. Lunch afterward was another quiet affair. Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts followed lunch. They were what she mostly expected of them. Charms was more entertaining than the first two classes, as the professor made a little show of what they’d be learning. Defence Against the Dark Arts could’ve been fun or it could’ve been a lot of work.

And that was only half their classes, the other four they would have the next day. But for that moment, Marlene was content with how the first day had gone. The next would most likely be similar. Marlene knew that these first few days would be easy, which wasn’t necessarily a reflection of the rest of the year. That didn’t worry her; she was determined to have a good year.

At dinner, Mary was there before anyone else. Marlene sat next to her with a small smile.

“Did that boy Lily sat with in transfiguration seem weird to you?” Mary asked suddenly.

“Yes! He was looking at us like he hated us,” Marlene exclaimed.

“Right, and he didn’t look at Lily any nicer,” Mary pointed out.

“Exactly!”

Marlene looked up as she heard footsteps. Lily was walking with the boy to the table.

“Bye Sev, see you tomorrow,” Lily said to him as he turned away.

Lily sat across from them with a polite smile.

“Who was that?” Marlene asked, her curiosity overtaking her.

“Oh, that’s my friend Severus Snape. He lives near me,” she told them.

“It must’ve been nice knowing a wizard after you found out you were a witch,” Mary said.

“Yeah, it definitely was.”

They fell into more polite small talk after that. Marlene frowned slightly. She hadn’t thought about the fact that Mary hadn’t known anyone at all. Sure, Potter and Pettigrew had been distant since they got to Hogwarts, but she still had them.

Later that night, as they were getting ready for bed, Marlene was still thinking about that same fact. Both Mary and Lily were in a place they’d only heard existed a few months before. That had to have been hard for them. She realised she might have misinterpreted the awkwardness she had felt before. Perhaps they were nervous too, just as she was.

Marlene paused as she was about to get into her bed. Alice wasn’t back yet from wherever she had gone to find her friends. It was just Marlene and the two of them.

“Goodnight,” she said quietly.

They echoed back her goodnight as they disappeared into their beds. Marlene smiled to herself as she pulled her curtains shut.

September 1971 - - Lily

Lily held the letter out for the owl to take. It took it in its claws and flew off into the bright blue and cloudless sky. Lily quickly made her way out of the owlery and down to the corridor where she was meeting Severus before lunch.

That was the second letter she had sent to her sister. She had not gotten a reply back from the first but figured Petunia had just been busy. She had promised to write every week and she wanted to keep that promise. Part of her wished there was a way to actually talk to her sister, but as far as she knew there wasn’t, so letters it was.

Severus fell into step beside her when she got down to the corridor.

“I’m sure she’ll write back soon,” he reassured her.

“I hope so,” she said glumly.

“It’s Petunia. She’s not going to just not respond. Especially if she can write as much as she can talk.”

Lily rolled her eyes. She had long since been aware of Severus’ dislike of being around Petunia. Neither of them could stand each other. Petunia liked to annoy him as much as he liked to bother her.

“I know. And she just started school a few days ago so she’s probably busy, but…”

“But you’ve also been busy. And you did write to her,” Severus finished her sentence.

“Right.” She stops as they get to the doors of the Great Hall. “So, what if she doesn’t want to write to me?”

“Don’t think like that. Give it a few more days, she’ll write back.”

Lily gave him a strained smile, “Okay.”

She waved goodbye to him as they went their separate ways. The Gryffindor and Slytherin tables were on the opposite ends of the Great Hall. That meant she never got to eat or talk to him during any meals. It was fine for the most part. She sat with Mary and Marlene, which at first had been weird. They hadn’t talked a lot, but they were doing so more now.

Lily was the first of them there and she took her usual spot.

“Hi!”

Lily looked up. The boy to her right, with dark hair and glasses, was staring straight at her. She hadn’t spoken to him before. However, she did remember Marlene seeming to know him.

“Hello.”

“Lily Evans, right? I’m James Potter,” he said with a grin.

“Nice to meet you. You know Marlene, don’t you?”

“Yeah, she lives down the street from me.”

Lily nodded. She hadn’t known that. Although, she guessed she didn’t know Marlene very well anyways. James looked like he was going to say something else, but at that moment Mary sat down. Lily turned away from him abruptly.

“Hi, Lily.”

“Mary, hi!”

She was glad for the interruption.

“Did you get down all the notes during History of Magic?” Mary asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“I kind of… zoned out at the end,” Mary admitted.

Marlene dropped her bag down on the bench and it landed with a heavy thud. Marlene’s eyes were comically large as she spoke, “Are you talking about History of Magic? I fell asleep halfway through because of Professor Binns.”

“He’s terrible! He just keeps going on and on,” Mary exaggerated her voice as she talked.

Lily giggled with a wide smile. Personally, she didn’t half mind Binns. Sure, he was monotone and lifeless – literally, he was a ghost – but she wanted to know all she could about the history of the wizarding world.

“Here, take my notes.” She grabbed them from her bag and set them on the table.

“Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver!” Marlene beamed at Lily and quickly grabbed parchment and a quill to start copying.

“Thanks,” Mary told her as she got out her half-finished notes.

“Hey Evans,” James called.

Lily’s head snapped over to where he was sitting. He was staring at her again.

“Do you need something?” she said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

“Could I borrow your notes?”

Lily felt mildly perturbed. Why didn’t he just ask Lupin later? She saw him taking notes, too.

“Can’t you copy somebody else’s?”

“Black didn’t take any either, and Pettigrew and Lupin aren’t here yet.” James gestured to Sirius on the other side of the table.

“Ask someone else, Potter. Stop bothering her,” Mary said haughtily.

Lily once again turned away again to face the other girls. Lily caught Mary’s eyes with a frown and a shake of her head. Mary rolled her eyes and mouthed the word ‘boys’. She glanced over at Marlene, who seemed to have missed the entire interaction. She was furiously copying down Lily’s notes, her handwriting becoming less legible by the letter.

By the end of lunch, both girls had finished their own set of notes. They headed to Charms together. Lily sat in between Mary and Marlene in the front row of the room.

“This past week you started working on a levitation spell,” Professor Flitwick started. “Today will be a test of that.”

The class groaned at the prospect of a test, but Flitcwick held a hand up.

“I don’t mean an actual test. It’s more of a competition. I want to see how well you can perform the spell. The goal is to get your object up there.” He pointed up to a bright gold square outlined high on the wall.

“Everyone has a feather in front of them. You will be using the charm on your feather, however, keep in mind that they are enchanted to be quite heavier than usual. Whoever gets their feather to the box first wins ten house points and… this!” The professor held up a feather statue. The feather itself was golden and attached to a black base. It was no taller than Lily’s wand.

Lily wanted to win. She knew she could. She’d been working on the spell since the moment she learnt it. She had spent ages levitating various objects around her room. She wanted to prove that even though she’d never done magic before that year, she could be just as good – or better – as anyone else.

Professor Flitwick called out for them to start. Lily performed the spell and immediately realised that he had been right: the feather was heavier than it typically would be. Some around the class had issues with it and couldn’t lift theirs very high. Sure, it was more work than the books she’d practised on, but that wouldn’t stop her.

Next to Lily, Marlene’s feather shot up in the air a ways. She was staring at it with all the concentration she had. Her feather was jerky and only moved in intervals before stopping. On her other side, Mary’s feather slowly inched its way up in the air. It was slow-going for Mary, but smoother than Marlene. Lily’s feather was doing something similar to Mary’s. She focussed on it as hard as she could. She could feel the magic wrapping around the feather and lifting it.

Her feather got farther across the classroom, as did Mary and Marlene’s. Marlene’s magic seemed slightly unreliable. Her feather looked a bit wonky as it moved through the air. Mary’s simply didn’t move any faster than it had at the start. Her lips were pressed thin and she looked a bit strained. Lily’s feather moved fine, but every time another feather came close to it or she saw someone else making more progress, it would drop. She needed to put her focus solely on her own. She needed to stop worrying about anyone else.

She took a deep breath in and narrowed down on her feather. Whatever spell Flitwick had put on it was to create weight in resistance. If she could push past that spell and lift only the feather, it would take a lot less concentration.

She focussed only on the feather itself and on the magic she was using to lift it. It started to feel lighter like she needed less magic to hold it up. Around her, other feathers were dropping to the ground or staying stagnant in the air. Finally, Lily’s feather lifted its last bit, and she won.

“Well done, Miss Evans!” Flitwick snapped his fingers and all the feathers shot back into a box on his desk.

“Ten points for Gryffindor, and this is yours.” He lifted the golden feather trophy and sent it off towards Lily.

The trophy floated through the air and into her outstretched hands. She grinned. It was a silly prize, sure, but it was a fun break from the seriousness her other classes took on.

On the way out of class, Marlene and Mary were silent. Once they were out the door, Marlene sharply turned and left without a word to head to their next class.

“Good job, Lily,” Mary said quietly.

Mary kept her eyes on the ground in front of her and followed Marlene. Lily thought she understood their moods if at least a little. They’d tried their best, just as she had. They’d probably wanted to win, just as she had. So she could understand if they seemed slightly deterred.

She hoped that wouldn’t mean there was anything bad between them. She hadn’t wanted to seem like a try-hard, she just wanted to do well. But that didn’t matter for that moment, she just smiled to herself and held onto the trophy excitedly.

September 1971 - - Dorcas

Dorcas trailed through the shelves after Pandora. She held half the stack of books she and Pandora had been collecting. They’d needed a few books for some class work, but their trip to the library ended up more so for their own pleasure. It was the biggest library Dorcas had ever been in and she was determined to read as many of the books in there as possible.

Pandora was similar to Dorcas like that but in a different way. Dorcas wanted to read to learn as much as she could; Pandora wanted to read to find answers to things no one else would ever think of. Dorcas liked that about her.

“I’m going to head back to the table now, I have everything I need,” Dorcas told her.

“I’ll be over in a minute,” Pandora said over her shoulder.

Dorcas was thankful to finally be able to put her books down. She’d grabbed quite a lot. She wasn’t sure Madam Pince would even let her take that many out of the library at once. She had found that the librarian wasn’t actually fond of students touching the books, regardless of the fact that that’s what they were meant for.

Dorcas sat and pulled her notes from her bag. Their table was in the back corner of the library and surrounded by windows. It offered privacy and peace to get work done that she didn’t have in the common room or her dorm.

Dorcas glanced up from her notes as Pandora made her way to the table. She was carrying a stack of books in one hand and held open a book in the other.

“Be careful,” Dorcas warned her.

Pandora nodded, yet voluntarily let the books topple to the floor once she got to the table.

“Did you know that people think being related to a seer can make you one, but genetics most times has nothing to do with it?” Pandora asked, not taking her eyes off her book.

“Really?”

“Yes. I was curious because my roommate said she’s descended from a seer. She thinks she’s one, too.”

“Is she?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know much about seers to be honest,” Pandora cracked a grin at that. “Though so far she’s hardly predicted anything.”

“Most seers don’t make many real predictions in their lifetime though, right?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

Pandora shrugged, “I’ll tell you when I find out.”

They each went back to their separate books. Dorcas enjoyed being around Pandora. She was fun to be with and she had a certain air to her. Dorcas had never really found someone before who she always wanted to talk to. She liked her quiet moments, but with Pandora, she was fine with not having any.

Dorcas scoured through one of the books she’d picked up. She’d wanted to cross reference notes she took in class with the book. It would make it easier when exams came up and she needed to find something in her notes. She quickly scrawled down the page and line numbers of facts and such she’d written down.

“What are we doing with all these books?” she asked once she was finished.

Pandora looked up from her reading and eyed the stacks of books that had piled up around them.

“I don’t want anyone else to take them and Madam Pince only lets us check out a few at a time, so…” Pandora frowned and started counting them under her breath.

“So… hide them under the table?”

Pandora’s lips were downturned in the way they did when she was trying not to smile.

“I did just learn a concealment charm,” Pandora considered it.

They shared a look and stashed the books under the table. Pandora cast the charm over the stack. It wasn’t the best, as they were still slightly visible. When the books caught the light Dorcas could see a faint glowing outline of them, but it would work fine.

They left the library then and headed to the potions classroom. Pandora had wanted to talk to Professor Slughorn all morning. She had a few potions-related questions that she’d been itching to ask someone about. Dorcas had been little help. Potions weren’t her best nor favourite subject, but it sure was Pandora’s.

When they got down there, there were already two others talking with Slughorn. One was a Slytherin first year that Dorcas had seen around the common room. What was his name? She thought. Something with an S. The girl was a Gryffindor with bright red hair. She’d seen her around with the boy before but didn’t know who she was. The three were standing around a cauldron brewing something or other.

Dorcas waited at the door as Pandora approached Slughorn. She joined easily into the conversation they had been having before. They seemed to be over-enthusiastically talking about whatever potion they had been making. The redhead girl looked happy to have another person in the mix, but the boy was getting increasingly annoyed. He kept sending irritable looks Pandora’s way.

Dorcas rolled her eyes to herself. In the weeks she’d been at Hogwarts she had realised many of the other Slytherins were entitled pricks. Whether it was because of their blood status or any other reason. It was like they thought they could look down on anyone else. And sure, maybe Pandora could be a little strange at times, but that shouldn't have been leeway for him to be looking at her so rudely.

“Dorcas?”

“Hm?”

She looked away from the boy – who was now glaring at her – to Pandora.

“We can go now,” Pandora said, before giving her an odd look. “Are you okay?”

Dorcas glanced back at the boy. He was scowling as he stared over at them.

“Yeah, fine. Let’s go.”

Once they had gotten out of the classroom, Pandora started rattling on about something called the ‘Slug Club’.

“Professor Slughorn invited me! He said usually he doesn’t do that, but he liked how much I know about potions for being just a first year,” she told Dorcas excitedly.

“Are the two who were in there in the Slug Club?”

“Lily Evans and Severus Snape? I think so.”

Severus Snape, she thought, that was his name.

They walked through the corridors side-by-side. They only stopped when they got to the entrance of the Ravenclaw dormitories.

“I should go, I think my roommate wanted to give me a tea leaf reading,” Pandora said with a smile.

“Okay, I’ll see you at dinner,” Dorcas waved after her. “And good luck with your leaf reading.”

Dorcas stayed until the door had shut behind her. She figured she could go back to her dormitory and finish up some other assignments until dinner. She turned and headed back the way she had come.

Dorcas started down the staircase that she usually took to get to the dungeons. She stumbled slightly when it shifted and moved beneath her. She grabbed onto the railing to regain her balance. That was just great, she’d have to find another way to the dungeons.

“Wait! No!”

At the bottom landing, a girl ran towards the steps. She jumped for them even as they moved farther away from her. She made it onto the stairs – just barely – but everything in her hands went flying. Her papers drifted away from her and her books clattered to the steps. She hastily grabbed for her wand.

“Wingardium Leviosa!” she yelled frantically.

Her things came to a standstill in the air around her. Dorcas rushed down the steps and helped to pick up her fallen books. The girl turned to look at her, wand and hand held out behind her at her notes. Her hair stuck up around her in a dark tangled mess from her careless jump to the staircase.

Dorcas realised she had seen her before. She’d been called to be sorted right before Dorcas had. She remembered both her first and last name had started with M’s, but couldn’t remember either.

“Thank you!” She took the books from Dorcas with wide eyes.

“No problem.”

The girl jerked her wand towards herself and the papers floated into her arms. She snatched them out of the air. She smiled briefly at Dorcas before taking off up the stairs. Dorcas watched her go for a moment then turned away when she was out of sight.

She trailed through the new corridor the stairs had put her in. She wasn’t exactly sure where she was. She didn’t recognize any of the paintings on the walls. The corridor led to a staircase that spiralled straight down and got smaller toward the bottom. There was a door there, which looked as if it had been around for centuries. She had to hit her shoulder against it a few times for it to open up. She stumbled out and kicked it shut behind her.

She looked around her. She was… in front of the library? That was the opposite of the way she’d been going. She turned back towards the door. The door was no longer there. She turned in a circle, thinking maybe she had misplaced where it was. But it was simply not there anymore.

Damned castle, she thought.

September 1971 - - Mary

Professor Slughorn had been going on for ages. He was almost as bad as Professor Binns when it came to talking. At least most of the time he wasn’t a bore, but that day he had been preparing them to make a cure for boils. He hadn’t yet stopped explaining the importance of the amount of ingredients. Surely everyone understood already that it has to be the exact amount written in the book.

“That about covers it. Groups of three, and choose wisely,” he said, sending them off to their own work.

Mary looked towards Marlene. Lily had been sitting near Snape so Mary figured she probably would work with him.

“You want to work together?” Mary asked.

Marlene nodded and smiled at her.

“Hey, Evans! Do you want to work with us?” Marlene called to Lily.

Marlene had either not thought about Snape or hadn’t cared.

Lily looked mildly surprised at the offer. She said something Mary couldn’t hear to Snape before joining them at their table. Snape sat grumbling until he went to join his Slytherin friends. Mary still didn’t understand how Lily could be his friend when he always seemed so moody.

“This is a pretty easy potion to make. I can go get what we need if you guys start setting up?” Lily offered.

They nodded and Lily left to go get their ingredients. Marlene got a cauldron to the table as Mary fetched the few things they’d need to dice and crush the various ingredients. Lily came back shortly with everything they needed and laid them out.

They divided out tasks. Mary worked on crushing the snake fangs as Marlene and Lily heated the cauldron. After adding in the powdered snake fangs, it was mostly waiting until they had brewed it long enough to put everything else in to finish the potion.

Lily sat pouring over her potions book and writing little things in the margins. She seemed to always have something to work on. Mary didn’t think they ever had as much homework as Lily was always doing, though she assumed at least half of it couldn’t have been homework.

“What are you working on?” Mary asked her.

“Oh! Just a little side research. Potions are my favourite,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Really? They’ve been rather boring for me,” Mary eyed their boiling cauldron.

Lily laughed, “This is beginner stuff. There isn’t much to it, so it isn’t as fun as it could be.”

Lily slid over closer to Mary and brought her book with her.

“See, in these potions, it takes hours to brew them, yet you have to be super quick. You can’t get the timing wrong of certain ingredients and everything has to be downright exact,” Lily spoke quickly as she pointed out different potions on the page.

“What year are we learning these in?” Mary flipped the book closed to look at the cover.

“Fourth-year potions!” Marlene’s mouth fell open in surprise. “You’re reading three years ahead?”

Lily blushed bright red,

“I just find it interesting is all,” she mumbled.

“I find history interesting yet I fall asleep in every other class,” Mary laughed.

“Well, that’s because of Professor Binns. Professor Slughorn is a much better teacher,” Lily laughed along with her.

Lily showed Mary a few of her favourite potions and told her how many uses so many potions had. She looked as if she could go on and on, honestly.

“Oh hey, our brewing time is over,” Marlene said.

Mary glanced up at the clock. She hadn’t even noticed how fast the time had gone by.

Lily was the one to put the last things in their boiling cauldron. Marlene held the spoon, tapping it lightly against her palm as she waited.

“What way do I stir?” she asked.

Mary said, “Clockwise.” At the exact time that Lily said, “Counterclockwise.”

Mary immediately protested, “In the book, it says clockwise.” She addressed Marlene, “Stir clockwise.”

Marlene nodded slightly and started stirring.

“I know what it says in the book. But it’s wrong. McKinnon, stir counterclockwise.”

Lily had her arms crossed and a look set into her eyes. Mary crossed her own arms. Marlene changed her stirring direction.

“Slughorn told us specifically to follow the book.”

“Right, but I was talking to Slughorn earlier, and in potions like these, it’s more beneficial to stir the opposite way.”

Mary caught the spoon Marlene was stirring with so she’d stop.

“Why would he go on for a half hour about doing everything the book says if he thinks we should do it differently?” she glared over at Lily as she spoke.

Lily glared back, “Because he’s teaching us the basics. But he told me and Sev the other day that it's better like this.”

Lily grabbed the spoon as well and yanked it toward her.

“Just both of you let go and decide on which way I need to be stirring,” Marlene cut in.

“Clockwise.”

“Counterclockwise.”

By then, Mary and Lily were tugging the spoon in the direction each wanted. Marlene was pulling it her own way and simply trying to get them to stop.

“Come on, we’re going to mess it up,” Lily argued.

“Then give it to me,” Mary countered.

“Both of you let go!” Marlene burst out.

Amidst all their rough jostling of their cauldron, they had all failed to notice it had become unstable. It tipped and crashed to the floor at their feet. Marlene had been the one to claim the spoon then, only as Mary and Lily had jumped back from the spilled contents. Lily had her hands over her mouth in shock. Mary’s hands were raised in the air as she grimaced at the sight. Slughorn would not be happy.

That was evident by the look on his face as he stared over at their table.

“You three, I told you to be careful!” Slughorn stormed over to them.

“Miss Evans, you know better. And you two…” Slughorn trailed off.

Mary thought he probably didn’t know who either of them were. Neither she nor Marlene were anything remarkable when it came to potions. They weren’t pure-blood or Slytherin either so in Slughorn’s eyes they must not have been very notable.

“Next time I hope you are more responsible. Potionry is a delicate thing that needs careful concentration. Now, clean up,” he spoke more seriously than he had before.

The rest of the class was deathly silent. Everyone’s eyes were stuck on the professor and the three of them. Mary stuck her chin up and crossed her arms. It wasn’t her fault the cauldron had tipped over. Well… okay, it was partially her fault. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so caught up in arguing.

The three of them started cleaning up. They had gotten sponges to clean up the spilled potion and were all on the floor scrubbing at the stones. The floor had been tinged a different colour by the liquid. They mopped it all up to the best of their ability, but it took the rest of the class.

Mary gathered her things and headed out. Marlene and Lily followed shortly behind her. Mary stopped out in the hallway and so did they. They regarded each other warily. Mary could feel an oncoming argument, and she wanted one. Why couldn’t they have simply followed the book? Lily might’ve known another way to do it, but that didn’t mean she was right.

“Why didn’t you think my way would work?” Lily crossed her arms and pressed her lips together.

“It’s not that I thought it wouldn’t, but not all of us know everything about potions. I just wanted to do what we were learning to do.” Mary matched her stance.

“Yeah, but–”

“You two can stand there and bicker all you want. I’m going to class,” Marlene’s tone left no room for disagreement.

Marlene turned on her heel and walked away from them without another word. Mary let her go and met Lily’s eyes, narrowed and glaring at her. Mary scowled and walked away from Lily, seething and grumbling under her breath. Why did she have to be so stubborn?

Chapter Text

October 1971 - - Dorcas

Pandora’s most recent fascination had been magical creatures. It had started when Dorcas told her she had a kneazle named Wally. He had been her father’s when he’d gone to Hogwarts and she had brought him with her back to Hogwarts.

Dorcas had mostly kept Wally in her room up until then, but Pandora had wanted to meet him. So she brought him to an empty classroom and they sat on the floor together and watched him explore the room. Pandora recited out facts about kneazles as she sat back and observed Wally. She had an amazing ability to be able to almost perfectly recall things from books — but only if she was interested enough.

Wally wandered over to the door and sniffed around, ears perking up. She called him back to her but he stubbornly stayed at the door. It swung open and a girl stepped in, tripping over Wally and stumbling forward. Her face was a perfect picture of surprise.

The owl on the girl’s shoulder let out a piercing shriek at the sight of the kneazle. Her kneazle’s tail spiked and the hair on his back stood on end. He ran out the still-open door. The girl’s owl flew after him.

“I am so sorry! I didn’t know anyone was in here,” the girl said with wide eyes.

Dorcas recognised her as the girl who’d dropped her books on the stairs, who had the M name.

But whatever her name, Dorcas ignored her; she needed to find her kneazle.

She sprung to her feet and extended a hand to pull Pandora up. The girl scrambled to stand from where she’d tripped over the kneazle. Dorcas’s shoulder hit hers as she walked past. The corridor outside split off in two directions. She didn’t know which way the animals had gone.

“I’ll take left, you go right?” Pandora asked her.

Dorcas nodded and they split ways. She noticed the girl following her but didn’t say anything to her. It would’ve been fine that she’d barged into the room, but then her owl had to go and chase away Wally.

“I really am sorry. I’ll help you look,” the girl told her.

“Yeah, fine,” Dorcas said dismissively.

The girl stayed behind her, simply following wherever Dorcas went. The problem with that was Dorcas did not know how to navigate the castle. She had rotten luck with it. Passageways would disappear behind her, stairs would move the second she stepped on them, and there were days when she could only find places by accident. So it wasn’t the best that she was leading their search. She didn’t say that, though.

She turned into another corridor and finally spotted the two pets. Her kneazle was backed against the wall, the owl’s claws brandished towards him.

The girl put her fingers up to her mouth and whistled. It was sharp and piercing, but effective in getting her owl to turn away from Dorcas’s kneazle. Dorcas ran over and scooped Wally into her arms. She held him protectively and turned to glare at the girl.

“Can’t you control your owl?” she snapped.

It might have been a snide comment to make, as her owl was perched calmly on her shoulder.

The apologetic look dropped off the girl’s face, “Look, I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean to let your cat out or for my owl to go after it. You don’t have to be so rude.”

“He’s a kneazle, not a cat,” Dorcas corrected with a patronising tone.

The girl’s face screwed up in anger.

“You are such a typical Slytherin,” she grumbled.

The girl stomped away. Dorcas made a face at her back and went in the opposite direction to go find Pandora to let her know she found Wally.

She headed back to her dormitory after finding Pandora. It would be safest to keep her kneazle in her room for a bit longer. Sure, he’d been at Hogwarts when her father had, but that had been years ago. She didn’t want him running off somewhere she couldn’t find him.

In her dorm, Wally jumped from her arms and curled up on her bed. She ruffled the fur on the top of his head. She made sure when she left her room that her door was fully shut behind her.

She was still mildly seething from her earlier interaction with that girl. For whatever reason, Dorcas just found her infuriating.

Dorcas turned from her door and bumped into someone coming out of the room across from hers.

“My bad, sorry,” Dorcas gave a mumbled apology.

The girl waved it off with a smile. She had long deep brown hair the same shade as her eyes. She was fully dressed in Slytherin quidditch robes, broom in hand. They were getting closer to quidditch starting which meant practices had been ramping up for all the houses. Every time Dorcas saw the quidditch pitch, there was a team using it for practice.

“Alright there?” she asked.

“Alright,” Dorcas nodded.

“Emma Vanity.” She extended her hand.

Dorcas shook her hand, “Dorcas Meadowes. You’re on the team?”

Emma grinned, “I am. Are you interested in joining?”

“I mean, I’m only a first year,” Dorcas backtracked.

“We’ll need people next year anyways, and really if you have any interest at all, please try out. I’m the only girl on the team right now,” she said, with some exasperation.

“I’ll think about it,” Dorcas told her.

Truthfully, Dorcas had never played much quidditch. She knew the game well, she just hadn’t had much of an opportunity to play it herself.

“Oh crap, I’m going to be late. Definitely consider it, I’ll see you around,” Emma waved at her over her shoulder as she went running down the stairs.

Dorcas imagined herself on the team, dressed in green quidditch robes and holding a broom beside Emma.

She shook her head. She had schoolwork to focus on.

October 1971 - - Marlene

If it had been awkward at the start of the year between the girls, it was downright uncomfortable then. Since the incident in potions class, they had been distant and cold to each other. Marlene had witnessed the fact that both Mary and Lily were absolutely stubborn. Both girls thought they were in the right and Marlene was stuck in between.

She needed to talk to someone, anyone. She was bored and it was too quiet. She went to search for James or Peter. She hadn’t talked to either of them in ages and all she wanted was something familiar. She knocked on the door to their room and waited.

Sirius opened the door and looked her up and down.

“Can I help you?” he asked with a raise of his eyebrow, keeping the door mostly shut.

“Is Potter or Pettigrew inside?” She crossed her arms and tried to stand taller in front of him.

“Might be. Why?”

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “I fancied a game of chess. Are they there or not?”

“Look, we’re in the middle of something. Come back later.” He started to close the door.

“Oh, just let her in! We’re going to be waiting a while more anyways,” Remus spoke up from within the room.

Sirius huffed and frowned, but left the door open when he walked away from it. Marlene closed it behind her. James wasn’t there, but Peter was.

“Hiya, McKinnon,” he smiled at her as he pulled his chess board onto the ground.

Marlene sat cross-legged opposite him, “Hey, Pete. It’s been a bit.”

“Yeah, we’ve been busy with–” he stopped suddenly.

Sirius was glaring at Peter and Remus was making a face that clearly said ‘shut up’.

“Okay,” Marlene drew out the word, “Where’s James?”

“Out,” Remus briefly explained before Peter could say anything.

Marlene rolled her eyes. That much was obvious. She decided to drop it, she hadn’t come to argue over the whereabouts of James. She moved a piece on the board and nodded at Peter to take his turn.

“How’ve you been?” Marlene asked as Peter contemplated his move.

“Good. I haven’t finished my essay for Transfiguration yet, though,” he said as he frowned.

“It’s due in just a few days!” she exclaimed.

He nodded grimly, “How about you?”

She shrugged, “I’m fine. My roommates have been weird since the whole cauldron incident, but it’s whatever.”

“Ha! Right, you were the ones who knocked over your entire potion. The look on Slughorn’s face was priceless!” Sirius cackled from where he sat on his bed.

Marlene glared over at him. She caught Remus’s eyes, who had also been glaring at Sirius. He mouthed ‘sorry’ to her. She shook her head and waved it off. She wouldn’t admit it, but Sirius was right. If it hadn’t been her who’d been in trouble, she’d have also thought the whole situation was funny.

“Besides that, I’ve mostly been focusing on schoolwork,” she paused to move another chess piece. “Ugh, there was also this Slytherin girl who made a whole ordeal out of an accident. She overreacted to something I didn’t mean to happen.”

“All Slytherins are like that,” Sirius commented.

“Black would know, his entire family is in Slytherin,” Peter told her.

“Sounds rough,” Marlene said.

“Rough doesn’t even cover it. I’m basically a disgrace to the family,” he said in a joking tone, but there was no real joke to the words.

Marlene and Peter went back and forth moving pieces around the board quietly. Marlene knew pure-blood families could be like that, all uppity when it came to status. She figured the Black family was the embodiment of that.

James burst in through the door. The wild look on his face matched his hair sticking up all out of place. He held a shimmering cloak over his arm.

“Alright, lads, I–” he stopped when he saw Marlene sitting there.

She lifted a hand and waved at him.

“McKinnon. Nice to see you,” he nodded at her and hid the cloak behind his back.

They all sat and stood looking at each other.

“Well, I’m going to study in the common room. Pettigrew, if you need help with that essay feel free to come down.” She picked up her bag from the floor beside her.

“Wait, I’ll come with you. I have some work I need to finish, too,” Remus said and sprung up from where he sat under the window.

“C’mon Pete.” Remus motioned for the other boy.

“But what about…” Peter looked nervously over at Marlene.

Marlene stood in the doorway to the room, glancing between the four of them. She didn’t want to know what they were up to, but it was entertaining watching the lengths they were going to hide it.

“You two,” Remus lowered his voice, “take care of it then meet us downstairs.”

Marlene pretended she hadn’t heard. She tapped her foot on the ground and waited for them to stop whatever charades they were going through. Remus and Peter finally turned away from Sirius and James. She raised her eyebrows at them but said nothing. They left the room and two boys behind.

They sat around one of the tables in the back of the common room. Peter pulled out his essay and immediately started going on about it. Remus kept looking over at the stairs. Marlene watched him with a suppressed smile. It was comical the way they seemed to think they were good at hiding whatever it was.

Marlene felt as if someone was watching her. She looked around the common room. Sitting on the chair across the room was Mary. They stared at each other until Mary looked away. Marlene followed her gaze. Lily sat in another corner of the room, eyes bouncing between them. Marlene shrunk back in her seat. They’d all been avoiding each other like the plague.

“Earth to Marlene,” James waved his hand in front of her face.

She blinked. She hadn’t even noticed them come down.

“Do you have last week’s Astronomy notes?” James asked her.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” She dug them out of her bag and handed them over.

She cast one last glance at Mary and Lily. She shook her hands out and turned to focus on her work.

October 1971 - - Mary

Mary didn’t care about star charts or the like, but her professor sure did. The class had already run its full course and the professor was still talking. Mary needed to run up to her dorm and grab the Herbology book she’d forgotten before her next class started. Which meant she was surely going to be late.

Her knee bounced and she tapped her nails against the tabletop. She felt too jittery sitting there. Too cooped up in the classroom. The second the teacher dismissed them she sprung up from her seat. She flung her bag over her shoulder and ran out the door. She took towards the Gryffindor Tower and only slowed when going up the stairs.

In her room, she dug through her trunk and threw things out of it beside her. Her Herbology book wasn’t in there. She pushed the lid of her trunk closed and it slammed shut.

“Where did I leave it?” she mumbled to herself.

Mary pulled back the covers on her bed and shook them out. She went through the drawers in her bedside table. Not in those places, either. She crouched down and looked under her bed.

“Ah ha!”

She grabbed the book from out under her bed. Mary glanced over at the clock. She still had time to make it to class.

So she ran, just as she had to get to her dormitory. She came to a stop at the turn in the corridor. Her hands sank to her knees as she fought to stop breathing so heavily. Miraculously, she had a few minutes to spare.

“You don’t belong here, you hear me mudblood?”

Mary frowned at the voice. It was harsh and mean-spirited against whoever the person was talking to.

“Just back off!”

Mary’s head snapped up. Lily. That was Lily’s voice. Mary pulled her bag higher up on her shoulder and turned the corner.

“Hey!” She walked right up to Lily and the boy who’d been heckling her.

Lily’s eyes went wide as Mary strode straight up to them. Mary stuck her finger right in the boy’s face. He may have been taller than her, and older, but that didn’t mean a thing to her.

“Back off,” she said in the most serious voice she could muster.

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are?” The boy got closer to her face, trying to be threatening.

“You heard me. Go away and leave her alone.”

Mary pulled out her wand. She couldn’t actually do much with it, but it did make the boy hesitate.

“You wouldn’t hex me,” even as he spoke he didn’t look too sure.

“Try me.”

The bell sounded throughout the corridors. The boy straightened up and stepped away from Mary.

“Stupid mudbloods,” he muttered under his breath as he walked away.

Mary turned toward Lily. She opened her mouth to ask her if she was okay, but Lily beat her to the punch.

“I don’t need you to defend me!”

That was that, and Lily Evans walked away from her. Mary was left standing where Lily left her, mouth gaping open. The audacity of that girl! Mary grumbled under her breath as she entered her Herbology class.

Yet… Mary couldn’t shake off a weird feeling that burrowed beneath her skin. She was not a stranger to people throwing insults her way or having to defend herself. She was, however, a stranger to these specific insults. What did ‘mudblood’ even mean? She thought. This distracted her for the majority of the class. She couldn’t ask Lily about it, obviously, and she was still at odds with Marlene.

So she went to find the next best person to talk to.

“Alice? Can I ask you something?”

Alice looked up from where she was reading on her bed.

“Of course,” she nodded.

Mary leaned against Alice’s bedpost and bit at her lip.

“What’s a mudblood?”

Anger overtook Alice’s laidback expression. She sat straight up, her feet slipping off her bed to the floor. She dropped her book next to her and abandoned her reading.

“Did someone call you that?”

“What? No. But… I overheard someone call Lily that.” Mary’s shoulders slumped and she slipped down and sat on the bed.

Alice sighed, “Did McGonagall explain that you’re a muggle-born?”

“Yeah, because my parents aren’t wizards, right?”

“Right. Half-bloods have muggles and wizards in their family line. Pure-bloods have only wizards and witches. You and Lily are muggle-born. Marlene is a half-blood and I’m a pure-blood,” Alice explained.

“Okay,” Mary nodded slowly, “What’s that got to do with it?”

“It’s all blood status,” Alice stopped and wrinkled her nose. “Some pure-bloods – not me – have certain… opinions. About muggle-borns. That they aren’t worthy of magic, shouldn’t have it, don’t deserve it. They think muggle-borns taint the wizarding world. Mudblood is the bad term pure-bloods use to – to put down muggle-borns.”

Mary wrapped her arms around her stomach as she let that sink in. She had hoped, when she first heard she belonged to a world of magic, that it would be different from her world without. All she could think at that moment was that she was wrong. She really thought Hogwarts would be different. Instead, it was just a different name to call her and a different way to hate her.

Alice tentatively put a hand on Mary’s shoulder.

“I-I’m fine. It’s fine,” Mary stammered out before Alice could say anything.

Mary stood up and Alice’s hand dropped.

“Thanks for telling me, Alice,” Mary forced a smile.

Alice looked as if she had more to say, or maybe like she wished she hadn’t told Mary all that. But she smiled back at her anyway.

October 1971 - - Lily

It was as if every single person in the castle had turned quidditch-crazed over the weekend. Lily didn’t even know what quidditch was! No one had stopped and explained it to her. She’d tried to read Quidditch Over the Ages, but it still didn’t make any sense. Not only that, it was also boring. She couldn’t even get through the first few pages without tossing it aside.

She hadn’t talked to Severus yet, so she just felt lost within it all. It was one of those things she had been cut off from because she grew up a muggle. And to be truthful, she may have been avoiding Severus, just a little. She hadn’t told him about the run-in with that Slytherin boy in the hallway, which was the reason she was avoiding him. To think about telling him filled her with a burning shame. Severus was a half-blood after all.

Plus, Mary had been there. She had swooped in and told the Slytherin boy off quicker than Lily would’ve been able to. Lily didn’t know what to think about that. She hadn’t talked to Mary – or Marlene – since that one Potions class. But Mary defended her without a second thought. And Lily had lashed out instead of thanking her. It’s not like she’d meant to be so rude, she felt bad for it, she’d been wound up.

So she had been avoiding everyone she knew at Hogwarts. She was also trying her very best to avoid any talk of quidditch. Admittedly, that was hard to do in flying lessons with Slytherin.

Marlene and Mary stood next to her with the four boys standing past them. Severus was in the opposite row, staring straight at Lily. She was refusing to look at him. Mary kept glancing toward her, too. Lily refused to look at her as well. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew were talking loudly and obnoxiously about the quidditch game happening the first week of November. Marlene would occasionally lean past Lily and yell something over at them about it. To which Potter would yell back.

Lily stood between them all, clenching her jaw and forcing down the urge to tell them to shut up. Fortunately for her, their professor strode up at that moment.

“Quiet down,” the professor commanded.

“Today I’d like you all to work on stability on your brooms. Take a few laps around the pitch,” she turned and gave a scathing look to Black and Potter. “And it is not a race.”

The professor waved them off. The boys, minus Lupin, took off on their brooms immediately past one another. All the pure-bloods and most of the half-bloods followed suit quickly after. Lily was stuck on the ground staring at her broom. Their professor wanted them to keep working on commanding it to their hand, but Lily had never really gotten the hang of it.

Mary was better than her, her broom already in her hand, yet she looked hesitant to fly. Marlene – for whatever reason – had purposefully stayed behind and was watching Lily. She didn’t offer any help albeit Lily guessed she wanted to.

After Lily’s third try to get the broom into her hand, Marlene finally spoke up,

“You have to want it to come to you. Like a summoning spell,” her voice was full of sincerity.

Lily held out her hand. She tried again, this time with more conviction. The broom flew up to her outstretched palm. She spared a glance at Marlene who was beaming at her. Marlene flew off then, probably to catch up with Potter and Pettigrew.

Lily begrudgingly got on the broom and flew it a good way up into the air. Her knuckles were white as she clenched them around the handle. She was unsteady but she was flying. It was the only class she ever let herself do the least she had to in.

Severus flew up next to her. She gritted her teeth and stared straight ahead.

“Lily?”

“Lily, are you avoiding me?”

She shook her head stiffly and gripped her broom tighter.

“Lily. You’re avoiding me,” it was no longer a question.

“I’m trying to focus on not falling off this broom,” she deflected.

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

Lily leaned forward to speed up her broom. She wobbled slightly as she did. Snape sped up to match her and grabbed her shoulder to steady her. She shot him a thankful look as she regained her balance. He gave her a knowing one back.

“Okay. Okay!” Lily went quiet for a moment, “I have been avoiding you. I knew if I did I would tell you something, and I’m just… embarrassed about it. I am so embarrassed and ashamed!”

“Whatever it is you know you can tell me. It’s probably not even half as embarrassing as you think anyways,” he reasoned with her.

Lily sighed and gave in, “A bit ago, before my Herbology class, this third-year Slytherin got in my face and said some nasty stuff. Called me a mudblood, and said I don’t belong here. Y’know, all of those kinds of things.” She kept her explanation brief.

Severus had his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth pinched thin. Lily’s shoulders tensed and caved around her as shame burned through her. She was only two months into school for heaven’s sake, and people already hated her.

Severus said nothing as they finished their laps around the pitch. They landed a few paces away from the larger group. Severus dropped his broom to the ground and stepped toward her. He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms firmly around her.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to hear that. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed to tell me that, either. You’re better than everyone who believes those things.” He pulled away just as soon as he had hugged her.

“Bring your brooms here, come on now!” The professor shouted.

Lily followed Severus over to the rest of the class. She shot him a quick smile that he mirrored as they parted to join their respective houses. Their professor collected their brooms back from them all and dismissed them.

Lily headed back up to the castle. She did a double take as Potter ran up to walk next to her.

“Hey! Nice job flying today, Evans,” he grinned at her.

Lily scowled. Something in his friendly demeanour bugged her. He was too friendly. They’d talked once before and even that time it had felt patronising.

“You’re going to the first quidditch game, right? Gryffindor’s playing after all!”

Lily had heard quite enough about Quidditch already, and why would he not just leave her alone?

“We’re going to win, our team is so much better than–”

Lily cut him off, “Can’t you go away, Potter!”

His eyes widened in surprise and his mouth gaped open. She spun on her heel and stomped away from him, past Mary and Marlene, and straight up to the castle.

Chapter Text

November 1971 - - Mary

Mary escaped to her room the first moment she could. Lessons had been a bore that day as every student (and professor) was distracted with the upcoming quidditch game. She let out a deep breath and closed the door behind her. Finally, she could be alone.

“Hi, Mary.”

Mary jumped back at the sound of the voice. She scanned the room frantically. She hadn’t seen anyone when she walked in.

“Under the bed,” Lily said.

Mary bent down, and sure enough there Lily was, laying underneath her bed. She had her hands crossed over her stomach. Her hair pooled over the ground around her head as if she were floating atop water. She turned to look at Mary, green eyes meeting brown.

“Why… why are you under there?” Mary asked.

“Good place to hide. Want to join me?” Lily cracked a grin.

Mary laughed at the ridiculousness of the offer. Lily simply lifted her eyebrows at her. Mary crossed the room and lay down on the floor. She scooted herself across the carpet until her shoulder bumped against Lily’s. The two girls stared up at the bottom of Lily’s four-poster bed.

“What are you hiding from?” Mary’s voice was quieter than she meant it to be.

“Lots of things.”

“What’s one of them?”

“I’m downright sick of hearing about quidditch.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s a stupid game.”

“I don’t know much about it.”

“... neither do I.”

Mary refrained from pointing out that she couldn’t know it was a stupid game if she didn’t know much about it.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you when you defended me from that Slytherin,” Lily said all of a sudden.

Mary turned her head toward Lily in surprise. She didn’t get a chance to say anything back. The door to the room opened and both girls looked away from each other.

“What are you two doing?” Marlene asked curiously.

“Talking about quidditch,” Lily explained.

Marlene sat down on the other side of Lily, ducking down slightly to peer at them.

“You guys like quidditch, too?”

“You’ve got us all wrong, McKinnon. We’re talking about how stupid it is,” Mary stifled a giggle.

“How could you say such a thing,” Marlene said in mock offence.

“It doesn’t make any sense. You catch one ball and the game just ends?” Lily said with some exasperation.

“There’s so much more to it than that.” Marlene lay down under the bed with them.

“Like what?” Lily asked.

“There is a seeker who looks for the snitch, which yes, is the ball that gives a hundred points and ends the game,” Marlene started.

“Which is stupid,” Lily interrupted.

Marlene rolled her eyes and went on, “Then there are the three chasers. They have to score points for their team by throwing the quaffle through the three hoops. Each goal is worth ten points. One keeper per team, who has to block the other team from making goals.”

“That’s like every muggle sport except on brooms,” Mary pointed out.

“Yes, maybe, but in quidditch there’s also two beaters.”

“Fun name,” Lily joked.

“Their job is to use their bats to hit bludgers away from their teammates and toward the opposing team. I want to be a beater,” Marlene told them.

Mary stared at Marlene like she had two heads. Who in their right mind would choose to hit a ball at other people?

“I swear, it’s real fun! My father used to play professionally and he coaches now,” Marlene grinned over at her.

Mary gave her a small smile back until Marlene’s own dropped and she scooted out from under the bed. Mary’s forehead creased in confusion. Marlene moved back and leaned against the wall, wrapping her arms around her knees and pulling them to her chest.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you guys all this. We aren’t even friends.”

The three of them went quiet. Mary didn’t know what to say to that. Marlene was right, anyway. They’d had a few stilted conversations, borrowed a few notes, and gotten mad at each other over assignments.

Lily crawled out from under the bed and sat against it. Mary followed her out and mimicked Marlene’s sitting position.

“We could be, though,” Mary mumbled.

“I was a prick in potions class. I ruined our potion,” Lily spoke up.

“No, that was my fault,” Mary waved her hands and vigorously shook her head.

“Actually, I think I was the one who knocked over that cauldron.” Marlene frowned at the ground before looking up at them.

The girls burst out laughing. They'd all been simultaneously blaming themselves and each other. They exchanged apologies as they did, but that only furthered their laughs. Marlene clutched at her sides and rolled over, pressing her face into the carpet. Lily’s shoulders shook silently as a grin split her face.

Mary breathed in deeply to calm herself down, “We’ve been acting like idiots for like this entire past month.”

“We should start over. It was just so awkward before,” Marlene’s laughter died down, and Mary nodded in agreement.

“My dad works at a bank. It’s probably not even half as interesting as what yours does, McKinnon,” Lily blurted out.

Marlene’s eyes widened in surprise at the turn in the conversation. Though Mary guessed there was no better time to start over than right then.

“It’s actually kind of annoying,” Marlene admitted after a long moment.

“But you seem to like it so much,” Mary said.

“Oh, I love quidditch. But my father is a chaser and so were my brothers. I think he thinks that’s what I want too, but it’s not.” Marlene shrugged.

Sensing she was uncomfortable, Mary changed the topic, “How many brothers do you have?”

“Two older, one younger. You?” Marlene’s eyes bounced between her and Lily.

“One sister.”

“I have two sisters and three brothers.”

“I thought I had a big family,” Marlene chuckled.

“Wait, Mary, what does your dad do for work?”

“Oh, um. He passed away when I was young,” Mary frowned slightly.

She didn’t remember her father all too well. As far as she could recall it was just her mum.

“It’s hard to lose someone,” Marlene whispered.

“Have you?” Mary tried to catch her eye but Marlene looked away and didn’t say anything else on the matter.

“What about your mums? My Mum works in the town library. I think I’ve read every book in there because of it,” Lily offered up.

“My Mum works as a bookkeeper for this small little store near us,” Mary told them.

“Mine works for the Ministry of Magic. I only sort of know what she does but I’m not allowed to talk about it. It’s partially the reason we had to move to England, too,” Marlene laid back down as she spoke.

“You moved from…?” Lily trailed off and gave her a questioning look.

“Northern Ireland. When I was nine.”

“I’ve lived here all my life,” Mary said.

“Me too! But I've always wanted to go elsewhere.” Lily nodded.

They continued to talk, all the way up until they realised dinner was almost over. Mary offered a hand to both of them and pulled them to their feet. They walked down to the Great Hall, arm in arm. The next day they would walk the same way to the quidditch game. Arms linked, trying not to stumble and fall going down the hill to the pitch.

They would have red and gold paint streaked across their faces and up their arms, courtesy of Marlene. They would scream their lungs raw for a team two of them had only the night before come to support. They would pull each other in, jumping up and down and yelling loudly with each goal. And when the seeker caught the snitch and the game had been won, Mary could’ve sworn she’d never be happier.

November 1971 - - Dorcas

“The goal is not to try to hurt your partner, you should both be equally focussed on your knockback jinxes and your defensive charms.”

Despite the fact that Dorcas was not focussed at all, she turned towards her partner and raised her wand. Teachers had a knack for pairing up alphabetically, and just Dorcas’s luck, that meant she had to duel with the girl whose owl attacked her kneazle. At least she knew her name now. Marlene McKinnon.

The McKinnon girl stood across from her, mirroring her stance. Neither had so much as said a word to each other. McKinnon had been glaring at Dorcas for some time, but Dorcas had too much on her mind to care. Earlier in the day Emma Vanity had offered to take her out to the quidditch pitch and give her some tips. Dorcas still didn’t know if she was going to take up the offer. She had to go over notes for transfiguration as McGonagall had hinted at a quiz in the next class.

Dorcas deflected McKinnon’s jinx and half-heartedly sent one back. They went back and forth like that as Dorcas’s thoughts wandered off the deep end. Did she even have time for quidditch in general? She was only going to get more busy with work as the years went on. Maybe that meant it wouldn’t be a good idea to start playing Quidditch in the first place.

“Are you even trying?”

Dorcas’s head snapped up to look at McKinnon. She had her hands on her hips and a sour expression on her face.

“Excuse you?” Dorcas crossed her arms and glared.

“You heard me.” Marlene raised her eyebrows at Dorcas.

That time, Dorcas’s jinx was backed by her anger. It hit McKinnon in the shoulder before she could get her defensive charm ready. She stumbled backward but quickly regained her footing.

“Were you even trying?” Dorcas mocked.

McKinnon didn’t respond, instead opting to immediately jinx Dorcas back. Dorcas was knocked backward, tripping and falling back over a chair as she went. Her head slammed against the ground. Ignoring the flash of pain, Dorcas grabbed the table next to her and pulled herself back to her feet.

It may have been low of her, but with a forming ache in her head, she didn’t care. Her next spell was a stinging jinx. She’d read about it the other day and had wanted to test it but hadn’t had the chance yet. She had the chance then, and she took it.

Red welts formed down the side of McKinnon’s shoulder and arm. If Dorcas had to guess then McKinnon had matching welts across the side of her chest, too. The pure look of shock on McKinnon’s face disappeared the moment she met Dorcas’s eyes. She raised her wand again.

“Furnunculus!” McKinnon shouted.

The jinx hit Dorcas straight in the chest. Boils grew up her arms and over her neck. She made a face and tried not to gag at the sight.

Her wand flew from her hand and for a moment she thought it was McKinnon’s doing. She looked up, eyes widening. Their professor stood holding both their wands in his hand.

“Detention, the both of you. In my classroom immediately after dinner. And fifteen points from both your houses,” he snapped at the two of them.

Dorcas felt small standing there covered in boils as the entire class watched the professor scold them.

He pointed to the door and sternly commanded, “Go to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey will get you two sorted out.”

Dorcas walked silently out of the classroom. McKinnon trailed behind, hand clutching her shoulder. They didn’t walk next to each other or even acknowledge each other the whole way there.

“You two get into a fight?” Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow at the girls as they walked in.

Dorcas nodded solemnly. She was thankful when the mediwitch asked nothing more from them. Besides Dorcas, Marlene refused to look up from where she kept her eyes on her shoes. The fiery look in her had since died and she seemed almost ashamed to be standing before Madam Pomfrey.

Madam Pomfrey gave them each a potion to take. Dorcas downed hers in one drink. The boils started to shrink down until they were finally gone. It wasn’t a complicated spell by any means – nor had the stinging spell been – but she doubted Marlene had ever used it before, so it hadn’t been too strong a spell.

Pomfrey looked them up and down and ushered them off when she determined that they were fine enough to leave.

Dorcas parted ways from Marlene as quickly as she could.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Dorcas found herself back in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom that night. She was already annoyed at the fact that she had had to tell Emma that she wouldn’t be able to join her on the quidditch pitch and the fact that she couldn’t even work on notes. Instead, she was stuck sorting and shredding papers with Marlene McKinnon.

Marlene McKinnon, who kept sighing loudly every few minutes. Every time she did it was as though something was crawling up Dorcas’s back and setting her nerves on fire.

“Could you stop that?” she eventually snapped at the girl.

“Stop what?” Marlene grumbled.

“Sighing so loudly!”

“I’m just breathing.”

Dorcas grumbled under her breath and slapped the papers down into their separate piles.

Marlene sighed again, “I wouldn’t even have to be here if not for you.”

“If not for me? You were goading me!”

“But you cast the first spell that hit me. That’s what got us in trouble.”

Dorcas scoffed, “Whatever you say, McKinnon.”

“Oh shut it, Meadowes.”

November 1971 - - Lily

Lily sat alone in the common room. It was rare to have the place to oneself, but it was almost dinnertime so many were already heading to the Great Hall. The only reason she lingered was because she was meeting Marlene and Mary there and they were going to head down together. So she could catch a few minutes of reading time without anyone bothering her.

Until Lupin came running in. He stopped only once he saw her. He raised one hand awkwardly.

“Hi,” he said in a stilted tone.

He continued to the window that overlooked the forest outside. She stared over at him in curiosity. He stuck his head out the window before standing back and shooting red sparks out of it. What he could’ve been doing, Lily had no idea.

Lily leaned over the side of the chair she’d curled up on to get a better look out the window. On one singular broom were Potter, Black, and Pettigrew. Lupin helped each of them inside, taking a bag full of something from Pettigrew as he did so.

The first to notice her was Black. He stared over at her for a minute. He leaned over to Lupin and whisper-shouted,

“The signal was for if the coast was clear!”

Lupin glanced at Lily, and by then the other two boys’ eyes were on her. She stared back. Lupin simply shrugged.

“It’s just Evans. Figured it wasn’t a big deal, since she knows McKinnon and so do you two.”

Black opened his mouth to rebut but wasn’t given the chance.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Potter waved it off. “Alright, Evans?”

Lily rolled her eyes at Potter and went back to her book.

“See, it’s fine,” Potter said.

The four boys left the common room after that, probably to do something mischievous that they’d get into trouble for.

“Evans!” Marlene rushed into the common room.

Mary stood at the entrance with a look of amusement on her face. Marlene grabbed Lily’s hands and pulled her to her feet.

“Come on, come on! The pitch is open tonight and I wanted to go after dinner, so hurry up.” Marlene motioned excitedly and raced out of the room.

Lily raised an eyebrow at Mary as they followed Marlene.

“She’s been talking about getting some practice time in since I bumped into her in the hallway,” Mary chuckled.

“She doesn’t expect us to join her though, right?” Lily frowned.

“Oh God, I hope not. I dance, I’m not a quidditch player.”

“You dance?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Ballet, mostly. My maman used to teach, so she taught me.”

“You'll have to dance for us sometime, Macdonald,” Marlene said as she walked backward to face them. “And no, you guys don’t have to practise with me.”

Lily took her seat at the Gryffindor table with the girls across from her. She glanced over at the four boys who were already all in their seats. Potter and Black kept looking at each other and stifling laughter before looking away. Pettigrew was continuously glancing at the other side of the Great Hall. Lupin kept glaring at the three and whispering for them to be quiet.

Lily knew it must’ve had to do with whatever they were sneaking into the common room earlier.

Whatever they were up to, dinner continued on normal for the most part. The food appeared on the table as usual. It was only when they started eating that things got weird. Or more specifically, weird for the Slytherins.

Each and every last one of the Slytherins started growing rapid amounts of hair at their first few bites of food. Students from other houses turned to stare in complete shock at the phenomenon. The laughter started somewhere among the Gryffindors (not so coincidentally, it was the boys right beside Lily) and rose through the Great Hall.

“What did you put in the food?” Lily’s eyes were wide as she turned and asked the boys.

“No idea what you’re talking about, Evans,” Black grinned at her.

Mary and Marlene gave her questioning looks. Lily mouthed that she’d tell them later as the Slytherins all started to flee the Great Hall.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Sev, wait up,” Lily called to him and quickened her pace.

It was almost curfew, and she’d been walking the halls with the girls trying to find him. She had explained what she’d seen in the common room. Marlene had simply shrugged and brushed it off as being one of James’s pranks. Apparently, he had an affinity for practical jokes, which the others seemed to get along well with.

“Hey, are you okay? Madam Pomfrey fix everything?”

Severus stopped walking and faced Lily. All remnants of the ‘prank’ had vanished.

“She reversed the effects just fine.”

“Do you know what happened?” She knew it had to have something to do with the boys, but maybe one of the professors had found out and he knew more than her.

His eyes drifted behind her. She glanced over her shoulder. The four boys stood talking to Marlene and Mary. Mary mostly looked annoyed to be quite truthful.

“Why don’t you ask them.”

Black sneered, “Sorry to see Madam Pomfrey couldn’t do anything about the grease in your hair, Snivellus.”

Severus’s cheeks coloured bright pink. He spun on his heel and stalked away.

Lily scowled. Why were they picking on Severus in particular? They were just being bothersome gits. She turned back toward her friends and the boys. Her shoes clacked hard against the ground. She walked right up to them and shoved a finger in Black’s face.

“You! The entire lot of you! You are insufferable.” Her shoulder hit Potter’s as she shoved past them.

November 1971 - - Marlene

Marlene lingered outside of the hospital wing. She’d been pacing in front of the doors and scuffing her shoes on the floor for a few minutes now. There was no better time to go inside, and yet she still hesitated. She shook out her hands and reached for the handle of the door. She stood there with her fingers locked tightly around the handle but made no move to open it.

“Come on, Marlene, just go, you idiot!” She whispered furiously to herself.

She turned the handle and roughly swung the door open, letting it fall shut loudly behind her.

“Madam Pomfrey?” Marlene called out.

“Yes? Is everything alright? She walked out from behind a curtain and gave Marlene a once-over.

“I’m fine, I just had a question.”

“Go on then.”

“I’ve always been interested in magical healing, and well, you’re the school’s healer.”

“So your question is…?”

“Could you teach me? I know I could just wait until I’m out of school but I want to learn now and I’d like to learn from you. Of course, if you’d like to teach me, that is.”

Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, “Miss McKinnon, right? You are the one who came in with the other girl, Miss Meadowes, who you got in that fight with.”

Marlene nodded meekly.

“Well,” the witch put her hands on her hips, “You aren’t going to cause any more trouble like that, are you?”

“No, ma’am. Not at all.” Marlene shook her head vigorously.

“I don’t know how well a teacher I’d make, but if you’d like to learn I see no problem in that.”

Marlene grinned from ear to ear. She’d been embarrassed by the fight the other week ago, thinking Madam Pomfrey would be too hesitant afterward. Marlene had had a fascination with healers for quite a bit. There were two incidents in previous years, wherein one she’d been in a muggle hospital and the other she’d been in a wizard hospital. The differences were stark and easy to spot. Since then, she’d been over her head fascinated with it all.

“If you truly want me to teach you what I know, you’ll need to pitch in on some busy work,” Madam Pomfrey warned her.

“Okay! Is there anything I can do now?” Marlene asked eagerly.

Madam Pomfrey summoned a broom and handed it over to her. She took it without complaint.

“Sweep and I’ll tell you what you need to know.”

So Marlene swept the hospital wing clean as Madam Pomfrey went on talking. She explained how to make up the beds as she bounced from one to the next to demonstrate. She pointed out cabinets full of potions and salves. It was basics, simple little things that would be helpful for her to know.

After Madam Pomfrey finished her explanations she disappeared into her office in the back of the hospital wing. Marlene finished sweeping soon after and knocked on the door to ask her where to return the broom. Madam Pomfrey called her in.

The office was small, smaller than the dorms. It held a desk with a cauldron atop it and a few shelves and chairs. Books were stacked in the corners of the room. Some of them were half of Marlene’s height. The walls were dark and the only sources of light were two lamps on the desk.

“Where should I put this?” Marlene asked.

“Oh, just set it against the wall.”

Marlene did so and then turned back toward Madam Pomfrey. She watched as she poured over a thick book and stirred the potion on the desk.

Curiosity took over and Marlene eventually asked, “What’s that for?”

Madam Pomfrey contemplated it for a moment, leaving Marlene’s question unanswered in her silence.

“It’s for a student,” she eventually replied. “I can’t say anything else but that.”

Marlene nodded and asked nothing more. She stood and stared down at the bubbling silver potion, wondering what it could be for.

Madam Pomfrey frowned at her book and looked up at Marlene, “Can I trust you to stir this for me? I need to run out and grab something.”

Marlene nodded as Madam Pomfrey passed the spoon over. She continued to stir, taking extra caution as needed. Madam Pomfrey paused at the door, handle in hand, and turned back to look at Marlene.

“You are very eager to learn, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well… that’s good then.”

Marlene grinned at her and Madam Pomfrey’s face softened.

“It’ll be good to have help around here.”

Chapter Text

December 1971 - - Dorcas

“Half-blood,” Dorcas said as she and Pandora stood in front of the entrance to the Slytherin dungeons.

The dark mahogany door split down the middle and opened wide. Dorcas grabbed Pandora’s hand.

“No one should bother you, but let's not stay in the common room.”

Dorcas led her past the chairs, tables, sofas, and students. A few cast lingering glances at the pair. Slytherin didn’t have as many quarrels with Ravenclaw as they did with other houses. No one gave them any direct trouble, most likely for that reason. Dorcas was grateful as there were bound to be a few out of every bunch who could have wanted to cause trouble.

Dorcas glanced back at Pandora as they got to the tunnels that split off into the boys' and girls’ dorms. Her mouth was gaping wide as she stared in a trance at their surroundings. The tunnels were deep underground, so deep that they led under the Great Lake. The tunnel itself was made of a thick layer of glass. Underwater plants grew and wrapped around it. Grindylows and the like swam through the murky water.

The deeper they went, the darker it got. Rare patches of sunlight filtered through. When it got even darker, the spires that held the tunnel together would glow and provide all the light they needed.

Pandora trailed behind Dorcas. Her eyes held the depths of the lake, turning a once dark into a mystifying blue.

“You know, I have a cousin coming next year. I wonder if he’ll end up in Slytherin. Rest of his family is,” Pandora wondered aloud.

“Which cousin?” Dorcas asked as they turned into the tunnel that split away toward the girls’ dorms.

“My dad’s side. Evan Rosier.”

“Oh yeah, he’s the one you’ve never met, huh?”

“That’s the one.”

The walls around them changed from glass to stone as they got to the rooms. Torches lined the walls, forever lit with fire and never flickering out. The hallway was lined with doors and snakes carved into the wood of each one lit up green under the torch light.

“Why haven’t you ever met him?” Dorcas held the door open for Pandora before letting it swing shut.

Pandora crouched down and extended a hand to the kneazle who lay stretched out on the floor. She scratched behind his ears.

“Hello there,” she cooed. “My dad has a grudge against his brother – Evan’s dad. My mum thinks it’s stupid but won’t tell me why.”

Dorcas frowned and arranged her textbooks across her bed, “Well hopefully Evan doesn’t take after his dad.”

“Oh no, I don’t think he will. Sybill says she sees us becoming great friends.”

“For your sake, I hope that Sybill knows what she’s doing when she’s predicting the future.”

“I think sometimes she does. She might actually be a seer.”

“Seriously?” Dorcas looked up in surprise.

“Mhm,” Pandora nodded until her forehead creased, “Only on occasion though.”

Dorcas snorted with a roll of her eyes. Pandora stretched out across the bed next to Dorcas. She hadn’t met Pandora’s roommate yet, but all stories about her revolved around her apparent gift of being a seer. Dorcas was sceptical of that fact although she could admit she seemed like quite a girl.

Dorcas’s own roommates showed up back at the room far before she had thought they would. Up to then, she and Pandora had been working on an herbology assignment. Dorcas’s mother worked at an apothecary, so she had extenuating knowledge of the subject. That led to a full deviation away from their classwork.

“Does she work with muggle plants or magical ones?”

“Magical. She’s a pure-blood; I doubt she knows anything about muggle plants.”

“Do they grow their plants there? Do they sell potion ingredients? Ooh or does your mum work more in herbal healing?”

“My mum owns the apothecary, so she works the business side. But yeah, they do grow their plants there! My mum once let me oversee the process they use for–”

But that was all before her three roommates had shown up and they abruptly stopped talking.

“Oh, hey,” one of the girls said.

“Hi.” Dorcas nodded to them.

“Hello! I’m Pandora.” Pandora grinned, ever so friendly.

“I’m Prisca!” She motioned to the girls beside her, “This is Teoh and Esther.”

Prisca had the longest and most golden hair Dorcas had ever seen. She always had a smile on her face and a word to say, though she’d yet to say much to Dorcas. That might’ve been her fault, not Prisca’s. Esther had eyes the colour of the murky blue water that encased them. Her bangs cut straight across her forehead in a dark sheet. She disappeared away from the other two girls more than Dorcas did. Then there was Teoh, who Dorcas liked the best. They’d studied a few times together. She had narrow, dark brown eyes and pin-straight hair that was even darker.

“Are you working on herbology?” Teoh asked, looming over their textbooks.

“Yeah, have you finished it yet?”

“Nope. Haven’t started.”

Esther nodded along with Teoh and Prisca looked guiltily like she hadn’t started the assignment yet either.

“We can do it together.” Pandora slid off the bed and leaned against the front of it.

She looked up at Dorcas and patted the spot beside her.

“Come on, Cas. You know the most about herbology here.”

“I could probably give her a run for her money. Herbology is my favourite subject,” Esther told them as she sat and pulled her books out.

“Oh yeah? I grew up having to hear about devil’s snare this, venomous tentacula that. I might as well have plant facts ingrained in my head,” Dorcas laughed.

Esther laughed along as Pandora launched into talk of their assignment. Teoh and Prisca joined them. They formed a circle in the free space of the room and chatted easily about the work.

Dorcas grinned around at them. Pandora was, for the most part, the one person she had at Hogwarts. Dorcas was often so engrossed in her homework that she got lost to everything else (and everyone else) around her.

It felt good to be in the moment for once.

December 1971 - - Mary

At some point in the past week, Mary’s dorm had turned freezing cold. At night it was like sleeping in an ice cube. Both Alice and Lily had tried their hand at warming spells but neither had been successful.

That night was the same as the ones that had passed. It left Mary shivering beneath her covers and curled up tight on her bed. Lily’s gentle snores and Marlene’s deep breathing that came when she slept filled the room. Alice had abandoned the room, instead opting to sleep in one of her friend’s dorms.

Mary rolled to her other side. Her blankets tangled in her legs as she tried to yank them up over her shoulder. She let out a frustrated sigh, teeth chattering. She threw her blankets off of herself and slid out of the four-poster bed. Mary gathered her books and homework into her arms. If she couldn’t sleep she could at least finish her Transfiguration work.

On the plus side, there was also a fireplace in the common room.

It was dark and quiet when she got to the bottom of the stairs. She faltered upon seeing a dim light from behind the couch that sat in front of the fireplace. She’d hoped no one else would be up at such a late hour.

Mary approached the couch. Sitting against it was Peter. Parchment was strewn across the floor and a candle sat to the right of him.

“What are you doing down here?” She asked.

He started, gasping as he whipped around to look at her.

“Macdonald! You scared me,” he let out a breath, eyes wide.

“Sorry. You’re up late.”

“So are you.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Mary sat down next to him and eyed his papers. “Is that the Transfiguration essay?”

Peter nodded grimly, “I’ve been working on the spell she wants us to write about for ages. I just can’t get it right.”

“Why didn’t you ask one of the boys for help?” Mary flicked her wand towards the fireplace and it lit up.

“They’ll just make fun of me. It was easy for them,” he mumbled.

“Well, I can help you. I’ve finished mine already and I need someone to read through it.”

Mary passed over her essay and held her hand out for his. He handed it over reluctantly. The assignment was to document the effects of the beetle-to-button spell, as well as how long it took to accurately perform the spell. Peter’s beetle sat in a jar in front of him, and well, was still quite obviously a beetle.

Mary read over his paper. He hadn’t written much up to that point, only what could be found in a textbook. He’d also written of his few attempts at the spell and each failure that had come with it.

“Your essay is great,” Peter said, handing it back to her.

Mary smiled at him, “Show me how you’re doing the spell. I messed it up, too.”

Peter pulled out his wand and opened the jar with the beetle. He waved his wand with too much flourish and over-pronounced the incantation. Unsurprisingly, nothing about the beetle changed. He groaned and his shoulders slumped back.

“Okay, you should try to move your wand more like…” Mary trailed off and looked around.

She grabbed a blank piece of parchment and drew the swirl pattern of the spell on it.

“More like that! And say the spell quicker.”

Peter turned back to the jar and did the spell again. His beetle shifted into an oval-shaped button. It still had its legs and was a bit wonky, but it was closer to a button than it had been before.

“See, you’re doing great!”

He smiled bashfully.

She stayed sitting against the couch with him until he’d managed to fully transfigure his beetle. The cold had left Mary’s fingers by then and the fire in front of them had burned down to coals. Mary thought of relighting it, but both her and Peter’s yawning told her it was time to go back up to her dorm. They gathered their books up and started to part ways to the staircases.

Peter called before she could leave the common, “Macdonald, wait.”

She glanced over her shoulder back at him.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

December 1971 - - Marlene

“It’s almost curfew,” Madam Pomfrey called out from her office.

“I’ll be out of here in a minute!” Marlene shouted back.

Marlene smoothed the covers down on the last bed she had to make. She pushed the curtain to the wall and put the pillows back on the bed from where she’d set them aside. All the other beds were made up the same. It was how she ended her nights in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey had never asked her to clean up each night, but she liked to.

Marlene knocked on the door to Madam Pomfrey’s office, “Do you have that book you were talking about earlier?”

“Oh, yes dear, here you go.” Madam Pomfrey handed the book to her. “Now hurry on.”

Marlene waved goodbye to her and left the hospital wing. She shoved the new book into her bag, which was already overflowing with her textbooks.

She made it to the portrait with only a few minutes to spare. The portrait swung open for her. Sirius Black, followed by the three other boys, pushed past her quickly like they were running from something.

“Hey, McKinnon.” James grinned as he cast a worried glance outside of the portrait into the corridor.

James pulled her in and exhaled in relief when the portrait shut behind them. Marlene raised an eyebrow at him,

“What were you doing?”

“What were you doing?”

“I was in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey. Have been since dinner. Where were you?”

James entirely ignored the question, “It sounds like you had a long day then, you should get some sleep.” He faked a yawn, “I should too. Goodnight!”

James hightailed it out of the common room and up the stairs where the others had long since disappeared. Marlene rolled her eyes at his retreating figure. The four boys had yet to get into any more trouble since the whole Slytherin hair-growth debacle. Marlene hadn’t expected them to hold off for so long if she was being honest. She wouldn’t dare say that to Lily though, who was still fuming over their last prank.

Marlene took the stairs two at a time and burst into her room. She chucked her bag towards her bed, though it landed near Alice’s. She flopped down on top of her covers. Mary stood over her with a raised eyebrow.

“How could I possibly have so much homework it’s spilling from my bag?” Marlene groaned.

“I told you at the beginning of the month, you have to stay on top of it,” Lily said from where she sat on her bed.

“I am on top of it! I swear.” She rolled onto her stomach and scooted herself to the edge of her bed to grab her bag.

Mary grabbed onto her ankle as she started to slip. Marlene shot her a thumbs up and Mary dragged her back up onto her bed. Marlene rolled onto her back again.

“You’re a lifesaver, Macdonald.”

Mary shook her head and with a sing-song voice said, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Lily echoed, pulling her bed curtains shut.

Marlene closed the curtains around her bed. The overhead light switched off. She cast a sound-muffling charm around herself.

“Lumos,” she whispered.

She set her lit-up wand aside and grabbed her bag. She overturned it and let her books fall out. She scrambled for her quill and ink pot. She laid a piece of parchment on the back of one book and opened another. She got to work right away because god knows she needed to.

It was easier to work at night anyways. With quiet hanging in the air and the sun no longer in sight, she had more motivation. Her mind ran itself in circles whenever she tried to squander away that motivation. She could lay for hours in her bed and never fall asleep when that happened.

So she worked. She read and wrote and repeated. She read until the words became nothing more than ink on a page. She wrote on and on until her handwriting blended and she didn’t even know what she wanted to be writing. Her eyelids drooped and the sockets of her eyes burned so much it felt as if they were bleeding. Her head fell toward her chest and then she snapped awake with a sharp pain in her neck.

She did so up to the point where her eyes no longer opened and she slumped down against her pillows.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The following days continued like that. She dragged herself out of bed and begrudgingly went to her classes. She ate dinner with Mary and Lily. She stayed in the hospital wing and had to run to the Gryffindor Tower to make it in time before curfew.

The dark circles under her eyes grew day by day. Her shoulders and neck were so tense by the end of the week that it hurt to move her head too much. The amount of sleep she’d been losing at quite an alarming rate should’ve concerned her, but it didn’t.

She didn’t think it would concern anyone else, either.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Marlene, you are pushing it this time. Get back to your dormitory,” Madam Pomfrey scolded.

“Sorry, sorry, I know.”

By the time she got back to her room, the lights were turned off and the girls were in bed. Marlene – as quietly as she could – shut the door behind her and went into the bathroom. She changed into her pyjamas. She shut off the light and climbed into her bed, the old wood creaking as she did.

She set her things up as she’d done every night before. Her wand light sat beside her and her books were spread out around her.

“Marlene?” Lily poked her head through the curtains.

Mary opened her curtains on the other side, “Are you okay?”

“What? Why wouldn’t I be?”

Lily stacked her books and papers and set them at the end of the bed. She and Mary crawled in on either side of her.

“Marlene, you haven’t been sleeping,” Lily said.

Marlene scoffed, “Yes I have.”

“Not enough,” Mary muttered.

“Look, I’m fine you guys. I’ve just had a lot of homework.” Marlene reached for her books.

Lily grabbed her hand and wrapped it tightly in hers. The redhead gave her a knowing look. Marlene glared at her and looked over to Mary. Mary simply took her other hand and mirrored Lily’s expression.

“Ugh, okay! Sometimes I have trouble sleeping, alright?! I just…” Marlene let out a deep breath and said nothing more.

“You just what?” Mary’s voice was soft as she spoke.

“It’s just that… Christmas holidays are only a few days away.”

Neither Lily nor Mary said anything, they merely waited for her to go on.

“I don’t want to go home,” Marlene admitted as she squeezed the girls’ hands.

Lily held onto her tighter. Mary dropped her head on Marlene’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” Lily smoothed her thumb over the top of Marlene’s hand.

“In two weeks we’ll be right back here. It’s only two weeks.” Mary’s voice was certain and strong.

“Right, only two weeks,” Marlene whispered.

They fell asleep like that, the three of them in a row. It was the most restful night Marlene had gotten in a long while.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Marlene said next to nothing on the train ride. Mary and Lily didn’t try to get her into the conversation. Marlene was grateful for that. She wasn’t in the mood. She was embarrassed by their talk the night before.

She didn’t want them to think it was really bad at home for her. She just wanted to stay at Hogwarts with them, that was all.

Pulling up to the train station made her rethink her ‘that was all’. Her eldest brother, Magnus, was there to pick her up. Not her mum, not her dad, just Magnus who had been tasked to collect her when he didn’t want to.

Marlene solemnly waved goodbye to her friends and reluctantly headed off to her Christmas holidays.

December 1971 - - Lily

Her mum and dad picked her up from the muggle side of the train station. Her mum pulled her in for a hug and held her tight. When she let go she grabbed Lily’s face in her hands and smiled soppily.

“Awe, we’ve missed you so much.” She immediately grabbed her into another hug.

“Missed you too, Mum.” She rested her chin on her mother’s shoulder and sunk into the hug.

Her dad kissed the top of her head and smoothed his hand down over her hair.

“Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” he said as he took Lily’s bags for her.

Lily grinned and they headed toward the train station’s exit. She’d been excited to return home for weeks now. She hadn’t had much time to speak with Severus in school and she hadn’t heard from her sister at all. She was desperate to see both of them.

It wasn't until that thought that it occurred to her that Petunia wasn’t there. Lily faltered behind her parents. Where was she? Why wasn’t she with them? Lily thought after months of not being able to see each other, Petunia would want to be there when she got back.

“Lily? Are you coming?” Her mum called out to her.

Lily looked around her. Petunia wasn’t there, she shouldn’t bother with looking for her like she was.

Lily stopped when she spotted Mary sitting on a bench with her things by her feet.

“Yeah, one second!”

She raced over to where Mary sat. Mary looked up and did a double-take.

“Lily! I thought your family was here already?”

“They are, well my sister isn’t, but yeah my parents are,” Lily laughed humorlessly.

A look of concern flashed across Mary’s.

“Are you–”

Lily cut her off with a hug.

“Have a nice Christmas.”

Mary gave into the hug, squeezing Lily tightly.

“You too, Lily.”

“Bye, Mary!”

Lily twirled around and ran back to her family, minus the one person she wanted to see more than anything.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Petunia wasn’t at home either. Not when they got there, not when Lily helped her mum make dinner, not when they sat down to eat. She didn’t want to ask about it yet, though she wasn’t given much of a chance if she did. Her parents hadn’t stopped asking her about Hogwarts. As their forks scraped against plates and Lily wished for her sister, they asked question after question.

“And how are you doing in your classes?”

“Really well! I’m the top student in Potions and close to it in the rest.”

“Do they give you a lot of homework?”

“Some of my professors do, some don’t. But I think it’s easy.”

“What is the school like?”

“It’s this huge castle and the stairs move. A lot of people there have known they’re wizards their whole lives, but I’ve met other muggle-borns like me.”

Her mum started on how she had thought the whole thing ridiculous at the beginning, but how she was so proud of Lily.

Lily glanced at the door. Petunia still wasn’t home yet.

“Thanks, Mum. I’m pretty tired, can I go unpack now?” Lily asked.

Her mum nodded and Lily smiled gratefully at her. She washed off her plate and set it with the other dishes as quickly as she could.

Petunia wasn’t in their shared room either. Lily didn’t expect her to be yet it still stung.

So Lily set to work unpacking her clothes back into her dresser drawers and pulling her books out of her trunk. She had some homework she needed to finish that was due when she got back from break. It was a light load, not nearly as much as she wanted. She liked the homework Hogwarts gave. Her schools before were mundane and tiresome compared to what they covered at Hogwarts.

Lily opted to read the few chapters assigned in Astronomy class. She lay on her bed with only the lamplight beside her illuminating the text. The bed on the opposite wall sat empty. It stayed that way until late in the night.

When Petunia came walking into the room, she didn’t even look at Lily. Not one single glance her way. She just threw her bag down next to her bed and headed straight for the bathroom. Lily put her book down and wrapped her arms around her knees. She stared at the closed door, waiting.

Petunia came out eventually, eyes locking with Lily’s. The sisters stared each other down.

“Where were you?” Lily asked quietly.

“I was out with my friends.” Petunia tore her gaze away from Lily and lay in her bed.

Petunia pulled the covers up over her and turned her back toward Lily.

“Are you going to turn off that light?”

Anger burned through Lily. That’s all she had to say to her? Lily scoffed and yanked on the lamp’s chain, sending them into darkness.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The week progressed and as it did, Petunia stayed farther and farther away from Lily. She was always out with her friends. They used to spend hours together baking and decorating. That year, Lily did those things without the help of her sister. Her mum and dad helped set up decorations for the most part but left her to her own devices when it came to baking.

That didn’t bother her; she loved to bake. But usually, her sister would sit at the kitchen table near her and fill up the quiet with whatever gossip she could procure.

Lily missed her.

At least she had Severus. He was a fine substitute for Petunia. Plus, with Tuney out of the house, Severus could come over whenever he liked and she wouldn’t be there to tell him to go away, as she quite often did.

At first, Severus had helped her with the treats she was making. Then he’d dropped a bowl of batter and Lily refused to let him touch anything else. Once she’d finished putting everything in the oven to bake, she grabbed the timer off the counter and turned the dial to the ten-minute mark.

Lily and Severus wrapped themselves in jackets and scarves and went out to sit on the porch while waiting for the biscuits to bake. She complained about Petunia and Severus listened patiently.

“I mean, first she doesn’t answer any of my letters. Then she ignores me?” Lily groaned and dropped her head in her hands.

“Hey, I’m sure she has a good reason. You two have always been so close. She’s probably sad that you’re a witch and she’s not, and you go to Hogwarts and she doesn’t,” he reasoned.

“That makes sense.” Lily looked up at him, “I just miss her, you know?”

“I know.”

Severus dropped his head against her shoulder. Lily let out a sigh and leaned her head down on his. At that moment, she thought of Mary and Marlene. She missed them, too.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The night before Christmas, Lily found Petunia sitting on the porch steps alone. She had been heading upstairs to her room, wrapped in blankets, when she passed the front window. Lily had wiped away the frost on the glass, leaving a streak to see through. It was lightly snowing out, and there sat Petunia on the steps.

Lily hesitated as she reached for the door. She almost went back upstairs rather than face her sister. But god, did she miss her. So she opened the door and sat down beside Petunia. The girl shivered next to her.

“What are you doing out here?” Lily stared and waited for an answer.

“What does it matter to you?” Petunia asked snidely.

“Tuney, you’re sitting out here freezing your butt off because you… what? Don’t want to be near me?”

Petunia said nothing to that.

“You’re right. It shouldn’t matter to me.” Lily got up and went to open the door.

Petunia’s hand shot out and grabbed the blanket Lily had wrapped around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letters.” Petunia stared up at her with wide eyes.

Lily merely glared down at her in response.

“I didn’t know what to write and the owls freaked me out, okay?” Petunia said. “Can you sit back down?”

Lily obliged. It couldn’t hurt to hear Petunia out. She’d wanted an explanation for months now.

“Every time I tried to write you a letter I couldn’t think of anything to say. I mean, imagine if it was the other way around and I got sent off to some school of magic. And whenever you wanted to talk to me, instead you got an owl that just sits there and stares. What would you even say?”

“I’d start with ‘how was your day’,” Lily grumbled.

Petunia huffed out a laugh, “I’m sorry, Lily.”

“I promised I’d write to you. Can you do the same?” Lily asked.

“Yes, yes, I promise to write back. I pinky promise.” Petunia held out her pinky finger, just as they did when they were younger.

“That’s silly, Tuney,” Lily said even as she looped her finger through her sister's.

Lily offered Petunia part of the blanket, which she gratefully accepted. The two sisters sat side by side watching as the grey street they lived on was blanketed in white powdery snow. It made their little world brighter in that short moment of sisterly affection, even if it didn’t last forever.

Chapter Text

January 1972 - - Marlene

If there was one interesting thing about going to church, it was the building itself. It was nothing as impressive as Hogwarts, but with its stone walls and vaulted ceiling it was still quite glorious. Marlene had made a habit out of counting the beams in the ceiling. They were dark and wooden and it gave her something to look at. She’d been going to this particular church since she was nine, so by now she knew how many there were. Yet she kept counting over and over until the service ended and she could leave. There were twenty-one beams compared to the twelve their church had back in Ireland.

Magnus elbowed her and she lifted her head from the back of the pew.

“What?” she mouthed to him.

“Pay attention.” he mouthed back.

She rolled her eyes toward the priest with a scowl. She slouched down against the stiff, wooden seats, back aching and legs splayed out in front of her. The man at the front droned on, words she’d heard ten times over.

When the service finally, finally came to an end Marlene bounced up from her seat. Magnus rolled his eyes at her eagerness to leave. Finley was already standing at the doors as he’d come in late and taken up a spot in the way back. Marlene’s three-year-old brother, Fletcher, held out his little arms and reached for her. Marlene picked him up and settled him on her hip. She followed Magnus out, grateful to be stepping into the fresh air.

“I don’t get why we have to go to church every Sunday,” Marlene complained.

“Mum wants us to. She went when she was a kid,” Magnus told her.

“She grew up a muggle. And it’s not like she goes anymore!”

“It’s important to her.”

“If it’s so important, why isn’t she here?”

“She’s busy.”

“Bloody hell, I know she’s busy. She tells me that enough herself.”

“Marlene!”

“I’m just saying–”

“Drop it, Marley,” Finn hissed at her with a scolding look.

Marlene fixed her stare on the street ahead where she wouldn’t have to look at her brothers. In festering silence, they walked home.

The church sat in the centre of the town. Their house lay to the south of it. On the complete opposite of town was where James and Peter lived. The houses out there were large manors lived in by the more wealthy of wizarding families. High gates surrounded long green lawns that led to mansions with tens of rooms and quidditch pitches in the backyard. No, seriously, the Potters had a partial pitch behind their house. It was insane. Marlene loved it.

The four of them headed down the sloping hill the street was built upon. Fewer and fewer shops and restaurants sat along the road the further they went. Weeds filled the cracks in the sidewalks. Muddy mounds of snow had been pushed away from the middle of the road and piled up in the gutter. Each house was the same, one after the other. The McKinnon house was no different. Faded red bricks, dead grass, a cracked driveway, and a porch with the white paint slowly peeling off.

Magnus held the door open for them and they all passed through into the house. He would stay long enough for a late breakfast before heading back to his place. He’d only meant to stay with them for Christmas but had been coerced into staying until the new year. But now it was the second day of 1972 and it was quite evident that he was ready to leave.

From the kitchen, Marlene heard her father boasting about his quidditch team. Fletcher squirmed out of her arms and ran on short legs to go find their mum. She and Finley shared a look as they both made a beeline for their rooms.

“There you kids are,” their father exclaimed.

Marlene froze outside the door to her room, suppressing a scowl as she turned around. All she wanted was to change out of her itchy, too-small church dress. Instead, she plastered a smile on her face and stayed where she stood next to Finn.

“The team and their families are coming over for dinner tonight,” he started telling them.

Marlene couldn’t keep the smile on her face. About once every few weeks, her father decided it would be ‘good for the team’ to have a meal together and excessively talk for a few hours. They held these dinner parties out in the backyard. While the adults talked amongst themselves she and the kids of the players were forced to sit at a separate table together. Magnus being twenty-one and Finley being eighteen got to sit with the adults, but at eleven years old Marlene was still at the kid’s table. They were all younger than her – by a lot – which made for an evening of babysitting.

“They’ll be here at seven. Magnus, you should bring that girlfriend of yours. We haven’t met her yet,” he went on.

Marlene glanced over at Magnus. The woman’s name was Nella and they’d been dating since last summer. Marlene had already met her. So had Finley. She was nice. Marlene couldn’t comment on anything more than that. She’d only seen her once, very briefly.

“Finn, are you–”

Finley, knowing the question was going to be about if he was seeing somebody, already has his answer ready.

“I’m not bringing anyone with me to dinner, Dad.”

“Well, if you want to…”

“I don’t want to.”

Marlene sniggered. Finley whacked her on the shoulder with a glare to stop her. Their mum and dad, for quite some time, had had this thought that he was seeing someone and simply didn’t want to tell them. Marlene was pretty sure he wasn’t. Either way, she thought it was funny to see him so sincerely annoyed.

“I’ve got to go, I’ll be back in time for dinner,” Magnus cut into the conversation.

He dropped a kiss on their mother’s head and grabbed a handful of floo powder. With her parent’s attention on him, Marlene slunk back into her room. A quick glance beside made her realise Finley was long gone. The door shut with a quiet click.

She let out a deep breath once she was alone. She tore the jumper dress off over her head and changed into a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of beaten-up trousers.

Her door creaked slightly as she opened it. She peered out of the crack and didn’t see anyone around. She slipped out and headed for the front door.

“Where’re you going, kiddo?”

Marlene froze in her tracks. Her father was still in the kitchen.

“For a walk.”

“Why don’t you sit down and have some tea first? You can tell me how school is going,” he said hopefully.

“School‘s fine,” she told him, her tone short and clipped.

“Have you made any friends? How’s those Potter and Pettigrew boys?”

“A few. They’re fine.”

His face fell as he sensed her unenthusiasm, “Be back before dinner, alright?”

She didn’t bother with an answer. She took off outside, the door slamming behind her. She should’ve grabbed a scarf, but it was too late now.

As she put distance between her and the house, she couldn’t help but think of her father. It wasn’t often he asked her things. He used to be around so often, but for the past few years he just… wasn’t. In Magnus and Finley’s school years, he was always talking about their academics or their quidditch games. He’d stopped doing so a few years back. Marlene refused to think about the reason for that.

Putting aside why that had happened, she’d only been eight when it did. Magnus was nineteen, and out of school by the time. Marlene had never been sure if he ever noticed the shift in their father’s behaviour. Finley did, though. He had been fifteen when Angus McKinnon stopped paying attention to his children.

There were few and far between times – like Marlene had just experienced – where he was lucid enough to be the father he had been years before. Marlene liked him less when he was like that. To her, he was only ever pretending. In the next few hours, he’d be drunk again, and he’d go back to not caring.

Marlene escaped this by going on her walks. She knew every hidden dirt path and every side road. Some days she stuck to walking, some days she ran as long as her legs allowed her to. The town had its limits, though. She could only run so far before she ended up right where she started.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Marlene got back home at around six-thirty. Maybe that was pushing it. Maybe she should’ve been back hours ago. She hadn’t wanted to go back, so she simply hadn’t. The Potters and Pettigrews were both gone on a joint vacation so she hadn't been able to see them. She didn’t have Mary or Lily’s phone numbers either. She’d wandered around but still refused to go back until she absolutely had to.

However, when she did get back, all she found was chaos. Finley had decided it was a good time to blast music as loud as possible, her mum was running around with curlers half in and out of her hair, and Fletcher was screaming bloody murder. Neither Magnus nor her father was anywhere in sight.

“Oh thank God. Take him, please.” Her mother passed Fletcher over into Marlene’s arms.

He stopped his wailing as he held onto Marlene. Her mum rushed away, holding up her hair as she tried to roll them back into the curlers.

Marlene had always known her mother to be put together and well-composed. Course, that changed too. Now she had trouble remembering the smallest details and she always looked a little strained. However, even with those becoming her normal, the past week Marlene had been home had been weird. She had taken more days off work than she ever had before. She looked constantly ill. Marlene had asked if she was okay once, only once. Her mother had given her a feigned look of confusion and told her nothing was wrong. Because nothing could ever be wrong. That was the epitome of Elspeth McKinnon those days.

“C’mon buddy, you want me to read you a story?” Marlene asked Fletcher.

He sniffed and mumbled, “Yes.”

For the next half hour, she sat on the floor of her bedroom and read her little brother children's books. Marlene did her best to entertain him, gesturing wildly as she read aloud and enthralling him with the stories.

Outside her room came the noise and bustle of Magnus showing up with his girlfriend and the two of them getting roped into setting up tables. The door to Marlene’s room stayed shut, a little oasis she hoped to keep as long as possible.

Finley opened the door and the noise was let into her room.

“Mum says to put on something nice. They’ll be here any minute.”

Marlene hung her head and groaned. Finley took Fletcher and the two left her sitting alone, door wide open. With a sigh, she got up and kicked it closed. She rifled through her dresser and begrudgingly found a nice pair of slacks and a blouse.

“Marlene!” her mum shouted.

She yanked the blouse over her head, hair frizzing up with static.

“One minute!” she yelled back.

She stumbled as she pulled the slacks on. She still had on her beat-up old-as-dust trainers but that didn’t matter.

She lined up next to Finley in the hallway once she got out of her room. He snorted at her as she attempted to comb her hair down with her fingers.

Finley whispered to Marlene, “Get ready, it’s going to be a long night.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Marlene refused to let her eyes leave her plate. She was bracketed in by six and seven-year-olds who couldn’t chew with their mouths shut. Her stomach tumbled with nausea. She had to grit her teeth together to ward off the ill feeling.

She pushed the food around on her plate and thought of excuses to go back to her room. She could let herself get sick. She could say she had homework to finish. She could get up to go to the restroom and never come back.

They were all equally bad options.

So instead she sat there and endured the hours it took for things to die down. They had set up the tables outside, as it was a fairly nice night. Marlene’s mum was a gracious host and her father pretended to be one as well. Drinks were passed around the adult table which made them rambunctious and loud. They rambled on, going around the table and sharing things Marlene didn't care to hear, but had to anyway.

“You finished school, didn’t you?” Marlene overheard one of the older players, Duncan Robison, ask.

“Yes, I did. Just last year,” Finley told him.

“Where are you working?”

“I work for this place that rescues and rehabilitates magical creatures. It–” The rest of Finley’s sentence was cut off, the excitement in his voice coming to an end as the man laughed.

“Alright, kid. Good luck with that.”

Marlene couldn’t see Finley but knew exactly what look on his face he had at the moment. He was fuming. His job was important to him, and he did not appreciate it being ridiculed. But he held back from saying anything. He went inside a few minutes later. How he escaped, Marlene wished she knew.

Eventually, the younger kids got tired, and a few of the players left with their spouses. She could’ve used the interruption to get away but had yet to find a good excuse. When it came down to it, she didn’t even have to think of an excuse herself. Her mum handed one right to her.

“Marlene, honey? Could you take this to your brother? He wasn’t feeling well, so he went in. But he didn’t eat much.” Her mum held out a plate filled with food.

Marlene took the plate from her with a nod. She glanced briefly at her mum. She looked more tired than usual if such a thing was possible.

“Are you okay, Mum?” Marlene braved asking again.

“Yes, of course,” she said with an absentminded nod.

Marlene watched as her mum took her spot back at the table. Her forehead creased. The way her mum carried herself was almost familiar, but Marlene couldn't place what that meant. She shook it off and rushed inside. She had her ticket out. She wasn’t about to squander it away.

She knocked on the door to Finley’s room. When there wasn’t an immediate answer, she tried the doorknob. Just her luck, Finley forgot to lock it. That was on him; if he didn’t want her in his room he would lock it. Unsuspectingly, she burst straight in.

Finley sat on the end of his bed, smoking a spliff. The window next to him was wide open. The cool air of the night hung in the room and mixed with the heavy smell of what he was smoking.

“Jesus fuck, close the door, Marley,” Finley hissed.

“God, sorry.”

Marlene dropped the plate of food down on the dresser. His eyes lit up at the sight of it. He hopped up from his bed to nick it off the stand. Marlene rolled her eyes at him. She wasn’t sure when he started smoking, and had only caught him at it on a few occasions.

“Cheers,” Finley said as he flopped back down on his bed.

“Don’t let Mum catch you with that,” Marlene warned.

He waved her off, “She’s too busy to notice.”

Isn't that the truth, Marlene thought spitefully as she left his room.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The dinner party went on for another hour or two before it fully died out. The house went quiet and dark once the last guest had been seen off. It only took a few minutes before her room was bathed in light from the cracks around her door. Heavy footsteps sounded from around the living room and kitchen. Marlene rolled over on her side and tried to ignore it.

Beyond her door, her parents started arguing in whispers. She didn’t want to listen. Her father had had more than enough to drink and her mother looked to be fraying at the edges. She smashed her head into her pillow to try and smother their words out.

Light cut across her room as someone slinked past the door. Marlene didn’t have to turn to know who it was.

Finley laid down beside her. She curled up tighter on her side and wrapped her arms around her sides. Finley started to hum under his breath. It was something by The Beatles. When their father started arguing louder, his hums became mumbled words.

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes."

"Smiles await you when you rise."

"Sleep pretty darling, do not cry."

"And I will sing a lullaby."

He kept softly singing until the quiet and dark returned. Marlene rolled onto her back and she and Finley stared up at the ceiling.

“Mum’s pregnant,” Finley murmured.

Marlene shot straight up, staring down at him.

“What?!”

“Yup. Baby’s due in early May.”

“I-I didn’t even…” Marlene stumbled over her words. “Why didn’t she say?”

Finley shrugged. Marlene dropped her head back on her pillow. The way she had been acting was familiar. It was how she'd been before she'd had Fletcher. But why didn't she just tell Marlene that?

“Can you keep singing?” Marlene asked.

So he did.

January 1972 - - Mary

Mary was the first to step into their dormitory. The beds were freshly made, sheets pressed smoothly against the mattresses. She inhaled deeply, breathing in the homely scent of Hogwarts. It was good to be back.

Marlene came barreling in behind her. She tossed herself dramatically across her bed. Lily laughed from the doorway, eyes sparkling brightly. She caught Mary’s eyes with a lopsided grin.

“I have missed this place way too much.” Marlene sat upright, “I even missed doing homework. Only a crazy person likes having homework!”

“Well, then call me insane, because I love the homework they give us here,” Lily said as she opened her trunk.

“It is more fun than what we did before,” Mary agreed.

Lily nodded and grabbed a book from her trunk.

“I’ve got to go return this to Lupin.” She headed for the door.

“I’ll come with you,” Mary said.

“And since you’re both going.” Marlene jumped up from her bed.

Lily shook her head with a small smile. Mary grinned in return. They’d all been following each other around since they got to the train station. The holidays had been nice, but she missed them. It was obvious enough they felt the same.

They headed to the boys’ dorm in a small huddle. Marlene had been uncharacteristically quiet but seemed happy enough. Lily, on the other hand, had stories to tell.

“I got a new pair of rollerskates. A few years back I found an old pair in the attic and started using them. I think they were my mum’s. Anyways, the new pair is much better. The wheels aren’t as worn.” She paused to knock on the door.

“They roll easier on the pavement now. I can’t even tell you how many times I fell before because the wheels were jacked up.”

Peter opened the door, surprised to see them standing there.

“Is Lupin in?” Lily asked, straight to the point.

Peter nodded and let them in. Potter and Black sat against one of the beds, shoulders pressed together. Lupin sat beside them, fiddling with a record player.

“Here’s your book, Remus.” Lily passed it over to him.

“You finished it?”

“Yup!” Lily launched into her thoughts on it, just as she had earlier on the train.

Mary watched as Lupin set up the record.

“What’re you listening to?” She asked.

“David Bowie," Lupin answered, even as he stayed focused on Lily.

Marlene perked up, “Which album?”

“Hunky Dory. You heard it?”

Mary shook her head and so did Marlene.

“I think my brother owns a copy, though.”

“This one is Sirius’s.”

“Really?” Mary asked.

“Why’s that so surprising to you, Macdonald?” Sirius spoke up.

Mary raised her eyebrows at him, “I just didn’t think many pure-bloods listened to muggle music, is all.”

“Most don’t, but my cousin got me that record.”

“Hm.”

The music started up, quieter at first until it burst out louder.

“Oh! Marlene, I heard your mum is having a baby. That’s great news!” Peter exclaimed.

Mary’s eyebrows shot up. Marlene hadn’t said a word about that to them.

“Yeah. It’s wonderful, Pete,” Marlene said monotonically as she stood up. “Can we go now?”

“Sure. Come on, Lils,” Mary said quickly, for Marlene was already headed to the door.

Lily, who hadn’t heard a word of their conversation, looked at her in confusion. Mary made a face of urgency to which Lily immediately stood.

“Bye, Remus.” Lily hurried out after Mary.

The two of them hurried down the stairs after Marlene. She was fast and had already made it to the stairs of the girl’s dormitories.

“Marlene, wait up,” Mary called.

“What happened? Did one of the boys do something?”

“I don’t know, Peter said something about her mum expecting a baby and she just…”

They made it back up to their room where Marlene had consequently locked herself in the loo. Mary exchanged a glance with Lily. They were both as perplexed as the other.

“Do you think this has something to do with what she said before the holidays?” Lily whispered.

I don’t want to go home.

“It might,” Mary whispered back.

She stared at the door Marlene was hiding behind. Whilst Mary didn’t know what to do, Lily stepped forward and knocked without a second thought.

“Marlene?”

“Go away.”

“No.”

The door flung open and Marlene stared with wide, angry eyes.

“No? Lily Evans, who do you think you are to just say that?”

“I think I’m your friend, and friends don’t ignore each other. Especially when they need to talk about something.”

Mary stepped forward and lightly set her hands on Marlene’s shoulders.

“Lily means you can talk to us if you want to, because we’re your friends, okay?”

Marlene turned her head away and pressed her eyes closed, scrunching up her face. Mary grabbed her face and pulled her forward.

“Okay?” She repeated.

Marlene’s eyes cracked open. Mary made her eyes drastically widen and her lips turn down into a deep frown.

“Okay?” She said again.

Marlene snorted and pulled away from her, laughing with tears in her eyes.

“Okay! Okay!”

Mary stepped back as Marlene frantically wiped at her eyes. Her chest heaved and she began crying. Tears spilled past her fingers as she roughly tried to stop them from falling. Her face turned red with the effort.

Mary and Lily rushed forward to her and they all sank to the ground.

“Marlene, please, tell us what’s wrong,” Lily murmured.

Marlene sucked in a deep breath and went silent. She blinked a few times before sitting back against the door, slightly more collected than she’d been a moment before.

“My family is just…” Marlene made a frustrated sound.

“We– we don’t talk. Everything is ignored and it drives me mad.” Marlene shoots to her feet and starts pacing the room. “God, I didn’t even know my own mother was having a baby until my brother told me!”

Marlene spun to face Mary and Lily, who were still sitting by the bathroom door.

“How messed up is that? That’s– that’s weird, right?” Marlene stood there looking intrinsically sad and defeated.

Lily was the first to get up and go over to her. Lily grabbed both of Marlene’s hands and navigated her over to sit on the closest bed, which ended up being Mary’s. Mary followed Lily and sat on the other side of Marlene.

“Family is messy. They do weird things. My sister spent up until Christmas Eve ignoring me and then didn’t even tell me why after we started talking again,” Lily said softly.

“Yeah, but the difference is your sister stopped being weird. Mine’s acted this way, nonstop, for years.” Marlene slumped back and covered her eyes. “And they’re going to keep acting like that.”

“Marlene–” Mary started.

“No. No, I don’t want to think about it anymore. Can we talk about music again?”

“Of course. What do you like to listen to?” Mary asked.

“Whatever my brother owns. The Beatles and Black Sabbath are his favourite.” She sniffed loudly, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

“Who cares about his favourites, what are yours?”

“Janis Joplin, for the most part. What do you guys like?”

“I’m quite impartial to The Kinks.”

“I don’t listen to much, to be honest,” Lily admitted.

“Oh, Lils, we need to change that. I have a record player at home. You two should come over this summer.”

“Are you saying that purely because you want to impose your music on me?” Lily jokingly raised an eyebrow.

“Yes and no.” Mary grinned at her.

Marlene sat up beside Mary and looked at her with large eyes. Strands of her dark hair fell in front of her face.

“We should though.”

“Should what?”

“Visit each other during summer.”

“Yeah! Oh, hey do you both have telephones at home?” Lily asked as she got up and grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment.

“My family’s muggle, so yeah,” Mary nodded.

“I do. My mamó – my grandmother – is a muggle and refuses to use wizard communications,” Marlene said.

Lily grinned and wrote down their numbers as they told her. She wrote their addresses next, then tore the piece of parchment into thirds and handed one to each of them.

“There. Now we can call and visit whenever. Honestly, we should’ve done this before the winter holidays,” Lily said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“We definitely should’ve, the only people around were my siblings the whole time. I mean, I love them, but God was it boring,” Mary complained.

“Seriously! Petunia was out with her friends so much. I had nothing to do.”

“Yeah but at least you didn’t have to put up with a screaming toddler at all,” Marlene groaned.

Mary sprawled out across the bed, “That’s the worst. I’m lucky, all my siblings are pretty well-behaved.”

The three girls fell back over each other, lost in conversation. They exchanged tears for laughter and talk of family hardships for funny anecdotes. Mary had missed them, and now they were back in the same room, lying across the same bed, inches away. She didn’t have to miss anymore, they were right there.

January 1972 - - Lily

Lily grabbed Severus by his arm and started dragging him to the table Mary and Marlene sat at.

“No, Lily, why can’t we study just the two of us?” he protested.

“I want you to meet them. They’re my friends.”

Lily held firm to his arm.

“Girls!” she called out.

Mary glanced up from her textbook with a sweet smile. It dimmed when she caught the sight of Severus. Marlene had only waved absentmindedly, she didn’t even look up as she quickly scrawled words across her paper. It was a miracle her professors could read it. Lily filed away the thought to find Marlene a spell to make her handwriting neater.

“Hi, Lils,” Mary said cautiously, eyeing Severus.

“Do you mind if we study with you?” Lily asked, already setting her books down.

Mary nodded with only slight hesitation.

“Great! This is Severus Snape. Sev, this is Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon.”

“Yes, I know,” Severus muttered under his breath.

She pulled on his arm and shot him a look before letting go. She sat down, and so did Severus even as he sported a sceptical look. Marlene stopped writing. The disgruntled expression on her face paired with the wary one on Mary’s should’ve warned Lily away from the plan of hers to get them all acquainted. But Severus was one of her best friends and Mary and Marlene were her other two best friends. She wanted them to know each other.

Lily leaned over the table to peek at what assignment Marlene was working so hard on. She didn’t recognize it or the book sitting beside her. Mary, on the other hand, was working on their most recent History of Magic assignment. Professor Binns had them working on chapter recaps for every single chapter of their textbook.

“That’s what we’re working on, too.” Lily sat back in her chair and pulled her books out of her bag.

Next to her, Severus had a sour look on his face, his lips puckered and eyebrows drawn together. It was the look she often caught him wearing when he was around people he didn't like. He had his arms crossed and was pointedly not looking in the direction of Mary and Marlene.

“Sev, aren’t you going to start working?” Lily raised an eyebrow at him.

He glared over at her. She gave him a confused look back and he softened up a bit. He gave in and got out his own assignment.

“How many chapters have you covered so far, Mary?”

“Five,” she sighed.

There were fourteen chapters in total in the textbook Binns wanted them to take notes on. There were two chapters for each topic, but the problem was that each chapter got increasingly longer.

Severus snorted, “Only five?”

Lily elbowed him, “Severus!”

“Alright then, how many have you done, Snape?” Mary spoke his name as if it were something foul.

“Eleven.”

Mary’s cheeks tinged red and she scowled as she turned back to her paper, writing fast enough to rival Marlene. Lily watched her for a long moment before she started working on her assignment. They settled into a peaceful silence. Or, what she thought was peaceful. Lily didn’t catch any of the looks her three friends were giving each other. She didn’t see the clear disdain that hung around like the smell of something rotting.

Lily didn’t know how long they sat there in silence. They worked individually, not acknowledging each other. Lily only paused her work when Marlene did.

Marlene gathered her papers up – of which Lily still didn’t know what they were.

“I’m done for now. I’m going to go for a walk, either of you care to join me?”

Lily missed the way she didn’t address Severus as part of their group.

“I should keep working,” Mary murmured.

“Me too. I want to finish this quickly. And… Marlene? Shouldn’t you work on the History of Magic notes?” Lily asked tentatively.

Marlene shrugged in indifference, “I’ll get to it eventually. I wanted to work on something for Madam Pomfrey.”

One of the things Marlene had told them about since getting back from winter break was her ambition to be a healer. If she put half as much as she did into learning what Madam Pomfrey taught her as what her professors taught her she would’ve been done with the assignment already.

“I’m being serious, Marlene.”

“It’s fine, I’ll do it later,” Marlene insisted.

Snape rolled his eyes at her.

“Jesus Christ, Sev, what is up with you today?” Lily burst out.

“She knows it’s due in just a few weeks right?” Severus asked Lily without a glance at Marlene.

“He knows he can talk to me, right?” Marlene mockingly asked Lily.

“I don’t know why I would want to,” Snape snapped at her.

“Well, you just did, so,” Marlene said snidely.

Disgust filled Severus’s face and he immediately started shoving his things into his bag. He stormed out of the library without looking back. Lily watched him leave. What had just happened? Why’d he go and do that?

“Good luck with that, Lily,” Marlene muttered as she left to go take her walk.

That left only Lily and Mary, who smiled softly and sadly at her.

“I don’t especially like him, but you should probably go talk to him, Lils.”

“You don’t like him?” Lily’s eyes went as wide as saucers.

“No! Neither does Marlene! And he doesn’t like us either. Was it not obvious?”

Lily dropped her head into her hands, “I am so stupid.”

“No, no, Lily, he’s just… not the friendliest. But you’ve known him for so long, so it’s different for you.” Mary collected her books and stood up. “Lily, go talk to him.”

With that, Mary left her alone at a table that had only a few minutes before held her three best friends. Lily was utterly stupefied. So maybe she’d seen the girls give Severus a few weird looks here and there before, but she thought that they just found him off-putting. She didn’t think it was a matter of if they liked him or not. They’d never talked before! Although… Severus also said he didn’t want to talk to them.

That made Lily uncharacteristically angry. Severus was her best friend, but now Mary and Marlene were her best friends as well. He had to have realised that, so why would he make it a point to be so downright rude?

Lily left the library seething.

She found Severus within a matter of minutes. He’d taken to studying out in the courtyard. He sat on one of the carved stone benches. Lily marched up to him, grabbing the book from his hands and slamming it shut.

“What was that earlier, Sev?”

“Give me my book back.”

“No! Not until you tell me why you were acting like such a prick.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. Mary and Marlene were being perfectly polite until you–”

“Bloody hell, Lily, they are all you ever talk about.”

“Excuse me?” Lily asked, taken aback.

“Mary this, Marlene that. Shut up about them for once!” Severus shouted.

Lily’s mouth snapped shut. Her hands were shaking, her heart beating fast and loud. She didn’t get angry with Severus very often, nor did he with her.

And then, worst of all worst, James Potter had to go and play the knight-in-shining armour and come to Lily’s defence when she didn’t need it. Whatever problem he had with Severus apparently made him think everyone else had the same one.

“Hey, leave her alone.”

Lily groaned inwardly. She wasn’t trying to set Severus off anymore. She should’ve asked him why he was mad before getting angry herself. Now James Potter was going to make it worse.

Snape glowered at the other boy, chin jutted up, a challenging look in his eyes.

“Mind your own business, Potter,” he spat out.

Snape turned sharply and walked away, leaving behind a defeated Lily and a glaring James Potter. Lily sucked in a deep breath and slowly looked over at Potter. He looked back, wide-eyed through his glasses.

“What. Is. Wrong with you?” She shoved his shoulder back on each punctuated word.

His eyes went even wider as he stepped backward.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“Stop bothering me already!” She pushed past him to go find Snape, again, this time with the hope of reconciliation.

Severus had gotten deep into the castle in the time it took Lily to find him. When she did, he was sitting at the top of a staircase staring off into the distance. She stopped a few stairs down.

“What, so you’re friends with James Potter now?” he muttered under his breath.

“God no! Are you kidding me, Sev?”

He looked surprised, “You’re not?”

“No!” She threw her hands up in the air. “What is going on with you, Severus?”

“Nothing. You should’ve stayed with your other friends. I’m fine.”

Lily sank down next to him on one of the steps.

“But you’re my friend, too,” she reminded him.

“Yeah,” he said sullenly.

“What do you mean ‘yeah’? Severus, you are one of my best friends. Nothing’s going to change that.”

His eyes were large and more unguarded than she’d seen him be in a long time.

“I swear by that, Severus. I can’t imagine not being your best friend.”

Lily pulled him into a fierce hug. He lightly set his hands on her back.

“You mean that?” he asked in a whisper.

“Of course I do. Always.”

January 1972 - - Dorcas

Dorcas had a habit of going to sleep at ungodly hours. This didn’t suit her well, for as much as she tried she always ended up waking up at even worse times. Ages before anyone else was awake, she would be already ready for the day.

Since no one was allowed out of the common room before a certain time, she often found herself in the common room, reading or studying under lamplight. Most mornings unfolded like this, up until the day Emma Vanity had been headed to morning quidditch practice and stumbled across Dorcas.

“Meadowes? Are you busy?” Emma asked as she approached Dorcas.

Dorcas glanced down at the book on her lap, She shut it and shook her head,

“Not really.”

“You should come to watch me practise then,” Emma said.

“Oh, I don’t…” Dorcas trailed off.

“You should,” Emma insisted.

“Okay. Yeah, okay.”

Emma grinned at her and waved her up. Dorcas followed her through the castle down to the quidditch locker rooms. The whole way there, there was a nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her she shouldn’t get distracted from her schoolwork by quidditch. She ignored it.

“Am I allowed in here?” Dorcas asked and took a seat on one of the benches in the middle of the locker room.

“I’m sure it’s fine. We’re the only team practising this morning so if not for you, I’d be the only one here," she said from inside one of the stalls.

Emma came back out in her quidditch kit and grabbed her broom from where she’d leaning it against the wall.

“Let’s go.” Emma strutted out toward the pitch.

Dorcas trailed after her. Emma pointed her to the stands and told her she could sit wherever. She ran backward as she waved at Dorcas. Dorcas waved back, smiling softly. She went and took a seat in the bleachers, wrapping her scarf tighter around her. Her breath was little white clouds in the air. The cold seeped through the fabric of her robes and into her legs from the metal bench.

The players set off into the air. They flew around in dazzling plays. The quaffle passed between them quickly, the bludgers sent this way and that. They were good, real good. Most of their players had been on the team since their second year. This worked as both an advantage and a disadvantage. This year they were sure to be good. They were a well-melded team and knew what they were doing together. However, they’d need to replace a lot of players the next year to compensate for the seventh years they were losing.

It had been dark when they first started practice, but it was nearing time for breakfast and the sun had risen. Their drills had slowed down and each player was coming to a stop on the ground.

Dorcas got up and stretched out her legs. She took the steps down slowly as Emma was still up in the air circling the pitch. Dorcas watched as she spiralled down toward the grass. Emma finally flew down and landed beside Dorcas. Her hair was windswept and dishevelled, the dark waves tangled within each other. Her brown skin was flushed dark red from speeding around on her broom. She was a chaser, magnificently so. The others on the team wouldn’t have admitted it, but she was the best player they had.

“Do you want to meet the captain?” Emma asked as she swung her broom behind her head and held it over her shoulders.

Dorcas’s eyes went wide. Against her better judgement, she nodded. Steve Laughalot was the captain and keeper of the Slytherin Quidditch team. He was one of the seventh years, so even if he didn’t like Dorcas, at least he wouldn’t be captain next year. Especially as Dorcas was still entertaining the idea of joining the team by then.

“Hey! Stevey!”

He glanced over at Emma with a raised eyebrow and an unapproving look.

“Vanity,” he said monotonously.

“Steve-o! Good practice, yeah?”

“Maybe save some energy for the rest of the team next time, Vanity.” His eyes trailed over to Dorcas, “Who’s this?”

“Dorcas Meadowes. She’s thinking about trying out for the team next year.” Emma threw an arm around Dorcas’s shoulders.

“You’ve played before?”

“A bit.”

“Have you ever flown a broom?”

“Yes.”

“Any good?”

Dorcas flashed a grin. Her sister had taught her to fly a broom, and she had learned from their mum. Both of them had gone to the Uagadou School of Magic, and quidditch there was intense. Technically speaking, the rules didn’t differ from what they were at Hogwarts, but the way they played the game very much did.

“I would say so.”

Laughalot onced her over then gave a firm nod.

“Good luck, Meadowes. Vanity.” He walked away without another word, taking another one of the players by the arm and whispering to them.

“He's more chatty than usual today,” Emma commented.

Dorcas snorted at that.

“Anyways, go grab a broom from the storage locker. We still have time before breakfast and I want to see what you’ve got.”

“Alright,” Dorcas gave in and fetched a broom from the extra ones they kept near the pitch.

Emma hovered in the air by one of the goalposts. They weren’t using any of the balls, they were just flying. And if there was one thing Dorcas could do, she could fly.

“Go on.” Emma waited and watched.

Dorcas hadn’t flown much outside of flying class for the last few months. She was a little rusty, but once she had warmed up it came naturally. She flew as well as any player on the team, better than some. She twisted and dived through the air. She rocketed around the sky. Her broom was a part of her and she wielded it well.

When she eventually came to a stop next to Emma, she was breathless and full of adrenaline. Emma was gaping at her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could fly like that? Bloody hell, Meadowes,” she breathed.

Dorcas shrugged and suppressed a grin.

“Oh you are totally making the team next year,” Emma exclaimed.

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe. We should get to breakfast,” Dorcas deflected.

“Alright. Amelia’s waiting for me down there anyway.”

Dorcas looked to the ground. Down below, a redhead waited. She was wearing Hufflepuff colours and staring up at them. Dorcas followed Emma down. Emma rushed over to hug the girl. Still attached to her, she looked back to Dorcas.

“This is Amelia Bones,” she turned to Amelia, “and that’s Dorcas Meadowes.”

“Right!” Amelia snapped her fingers, “You’re the one she’s trying to get to join the quidditch team.”

“That would be me,” Dorcas nodded.

“I saw you flying, you looked amazing.”

“Thanks,” Dorcas said bashfully.

“It was nice to meet you, Dorcas.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“Bye, Meadowes,” Emma said as she waved goodbye.

Dorcas smiled after them. She had far left the bounds of simply entertaining the idea of quidditch. She wanted it now, and when she had her mind set on something, she rarely let it out of her grasp.

Chapter Text

February 1972 - - Lily

Lily balanced her book across her arm, pressing the piece of parchment smooth against it. Her hand flew across the paper, ink marking the page. She had stopped in the Transfiguration classroom to ask Professor McGonagall for book recommendations. She wanted some extra reading that went along with her classwork. Something light, but with topics she couldn't find in her standard texts. It was mental, especially with the post-holiday workload. That didn’t matter to her. The only books she had over break were the textbooks McGonagall had given her at the beginning of the year and she’d read those time and time over at that point.

She had gone to the library in town and of course had her books at home, though those were all fiction. She’d brought a few back with her for her own entertainment, but non-fiction books were her favourite. She craved knowledge. She wanted to know the world she stood in, the one she was in, not a fictional one. The need to know had grown even more since she found out she was a witch.

So there Lily was, walking down the corridor, narrowly avoiding bumping into people as she furiously wrote down titles of books McGonagall had told her about.

To say she wasn’t looking where she was going was an understatement.

She kept walking in the direction she'd started in until a hand shot out and dragged her back.

“Lily!”

She stumbled, and Remus caught her from falling. She blinked and looked up from her paper. She had failed to notice the wall she was mere steps away from.

“Bloody hell,” Remus said.

Lily pressed her lips together to suppress a smile, “My bad.”

“Your bad?” he laughed. “I’ve been calling you and you just kept going.”

“Sorry,” she winced. She hadn’t heard him in the slightest.

“What’re you working on?” He leaned over to peer at her writing.

“A book list.”

“Anything good?”

“I’ve yet to read Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, so I’m pretty excited for that one. McGonagall said it's a must-read.”

“I read it. I think you’ll like it more than I did.”

“Why?”

Remus shrugged, “I’m just not very interested in magical creatures.”

“I’m interested in whatever I can get my hands on. It’s all new to me.”

“Sirius has a few books I think you’d like. They’re these ancient-looking novels about pre-historic uses of magic. I don’t even know where he got them from.”

“Where do you think? He is the heir to the illustrious Black family,” Lily gave Remus a look.

“Of course,” Remus cracked a smile. “Sacred twenty-eight and all.”

“Exactly. Only pure-bloods of that level would own anything and everything like that.”

“You still want those books though, right?”

Lily bit at the inside of her cheek, “... yes.”

Remus laughed, hearty and loud. He shook his head at her and she simply gave him a ‘don’t judge me’ expression back.

“Can I ask you something?” Lily said tentatively.

Remus’s eyes widened incrementally, but Lily doubted he knew where she was going with this. It might've been a bit rude, but she’d been wondering ever since she’d gotten to know Remus a bit. He had the same love of reading and they’d formed a sort of book exchange because of it. Lily believed you could tell a lot by a person based on what they read. Remus didn’t give away much, so the most she knew about him was how and what he read.

He preferred reading fiction in loud spaces, and nonfiction in quiet ones. He liked to get lost away from other people when reading, which is why he read about things that weren’t real when he was in crowds. He liked to be able to collect facts from nonfiction books, so he only read them in places no one would bother him.

This led to her question, which yes, was a bit rude.

“Why are you friends with them? Pettigrew’s fine, most of the time, but Potter and Black are…” she frowned and tried to think of the right word.

“Overbearing?” Remus supplied.

“I was going to say attention-seeking, but yeah. I don’t get it.”

“You don’t get why I’m friends with them?” Remus raised an eyebrow and stared at her, astounded.

“I’m sorry, I am. But you’re so,” she gestured to him, “and they’re so…” she gestured wildly.

Remus broke out in a grin, “They’re fine once you get to know them.”

“I swear Marlene said the exact same thing to me,” Lily groaned.

“She’s right. And if you’re not going to listen to her, listen to me. They’re nice, they just like the occasional prank.”

“I don’t believe you. And their pranks–”

She was cut off by the sound of shoes pounding against the brick ground. Both she and Remus turned to watch Potter, Black, and Pettigrew sprinting toward them.

“Sorry Evans, borrowing Lupin!” Sirius pulled Remus away and the four boys ran with him to the opposite end of the corridor.

They stopped in a huddle, far enough away from her that she couldn’t hear them. She crossed her arms and tapped her toe on the ground, an unpleasant look on her face. How she always got stuck near them when they were scheming, she didn’t know.

Remus glanced over his shoulder at Lily. Three other pairs of eyes followed soon after. Black said something to the other boys, but Lily was no lip reader. Remus shoved him in the shoulder for whatever it was. They whispered back and forth a few more times. It was Potter who first broke away from their little group. He stood with his hands on his hips and a boasting look on his face. He nodded once at them with that stupid James Potter grin.

Remus waved them off and headed back to Lily. Potter watched him go, his gaze landing on Lily. She held it, lifting her chin to stare back at him. His smile only widened. Stupid James Potter and his stupid James Potter grin, Lily thought.

She tore her gaze away, irritated and on edge. James Potter already had everyone else’s attention, why did he need hers?

Remus made it back to where she was standing and they continued along down the corridor.

“Sorry about that,” Remus said nonchalantly.

“Mhm. You know what I think?”

“What?”

“You like the occasional prank, too.”

Remus smiled sheepishly without a response.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Lily stabbed her fork into her food, the metal of the utensil scratching harshly against the ceramic dish. Mary cringed at the sound and eyed Lily.

“Alright?” Mary asked.

“Amazing,” Lily gritted out.

She ignored the way Mary and Marlene had a silent conversation with only looks. A few seats down the table, the boys spoke in hushed tones as they had earlier. She caught snippets of their conversation here and there.

“So this time..”

“.. even better than–”

“-what if they–”

“Be quiet or…”

Scheming, plotting, conniving bastards. She’d thought it before but now it was obvious. They were planning something. One guess she could tell you who the prank would be on. She couldn’t stop them from doing what they wanted, but did they have to act so obnoxious every second of the day?

“Lily?” Marlene waved her hand in front of Lily’s face.

Lily jolted. She tore her gaze away from where she’d been glaring.

“We’ve been thinking.” Marlene sat forward and crossed her fingers together. “That maybe you were being sarcastic when you said you’re doing amazing.”

Mary snorted and dropped her head into her hands.

“What? Is that not what you wanted to say?”

Mary shook her head, briefly dropping it on Marlene’s shoulder with a laugh, “Bless you, McKinnon.”

Mary sat back upright, dark eyes focussed straight at Lily, “You seem a bit… riled up.”

“I’m lovely.”

“Then why are you glaring at Potter?” Marlene frowned.

“I am not!”

“You were staring straight at him, Lily!”

Her cheeks stain red beneath her freckles.

“I… I just…” she made a noise of frustration. “How can you stand them?”

Marlene gave her a look, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They are so entitled. They mess with whoever for fun and… and..” Lily huffed out a breath and dropped her fists on the table.

“Are you talking about that prank they pulled back in November on the Slytherins? With the hair-growth herbs?” Mary asked.

“Well, yes,” Lily admitted.

“That was ages ago.”

“I know that, Mary. It felt pretty targeted at Severus at the time, though. And they’re irritating in other ways, too.”

“Look, you’re right, they can be a little entitled. But I doubt they tried to target your friend, at least, I know James wouldn’t,” Marlene said.

A sceptical look crossed Lily’s face.

“I’ve known him since I was eight, Lily. Potter likes everyone. It was a harmless prank.”

“Seriously, Marlene?” It wasn’t harmless, it wasn’t funny, it was stupid.

“Lils, she’s right. It was only a prank.”

“How is it fair that they just go and wreak havoc on whoever they feel like pranking next? Like they’re marauders or something,” Lily grumbled.

“What does that mean?” Sirius suddenly said, louder than normal.

He leaned over the table and peered at Lily. It was almost unnerving, what with his wide grey eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry if those were too big of words for you to understand, Black,” she said in a monotone voice.

Mary snorted and tried to cover it by taking a drink from her glass as a smile slowly crept over Black’s face. Why was he doing that? Lily wrinkled her nose at him.

“Marauders,” he mumbled.

Potter leaned into him and the two boys whispered back and forth. Soon enough they bore twin smiles. He mouthed the word ‘marauders’, then pulled both Remus and Pettigrew closer to exchange whispers with them as well.

Mary snorted into her cup again.

“I do not get why you think they’re like these masterminds of trouble.” Mary’s eyes drifted toward them, “Honestly, look at them.”

Lily and Marlene followed Mary’s gaze. They had changed from whispering to flinging peas off of their spoons at each other’s heads.

“That doesn’t change my opinion of them.”

“You don’t have to change your opinion on the boys, Lily. Mary isn’t exactly their biggest fan either,” Marlene told her.

“Or maybe one day she will and we'll all be friends and will walk off into the sunset holding hands,” Mary joked.

Lily scoffed, “I am never, ever going to be friends with the likes of James Potter.”

February 1972 - - Mary

Mary had learned that Marlene and Lily were different in one obvious way: their sleep patterns. By the time Mary went to bed, Lily already had, and Marlene wouldn’t for a while more. By the time Mary woke up, Marlene had already left their room, Lily had her curtains still drawn tight.

Mary hovered in this nice in-between area of the two girls. In the mornings, she hung around with Lily while getting ready, but went down before her and had a few moments with Marlene.

Mary slid out of her bed and pushed the curtains open. As usual, Marlene was gone, and Lily was asleep. She went through her normal routine, straightening out her comforting, a quick shower, brushing her teeth, and changing into her uniform.

It was as she pulled her tie over her head and fastened it up to her collar that she realised Lily was still in bed.

“Lils,” Mary knocked on the wood of the bedframe post, “time to get up.”

“I’ll be there in a minute, go on ahead,” Lily grumbled from somewhere behind her curtains – and if Mary had to guess – under her bedsheets.

Mary poked her head through the crimson curtains. Lily’s bright red hair spilled out onto her pillow. Her eyes were an iridescent green, staring largely up at Mary as she blinked out the remnants of sleep. Mary rolled her eyes and grinned. She threw open the curtains the rest of the way. Patches of sunlight fell across the bed and consumed the girl.

“Mary!” Lily yelled and yanked the sheets up over her eyes.

“You don’t want to miss breakfast,” Mary called in a sing-song voice as she bolted for the door before Lily could decide to enact revenge for disrupting her sleep.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“-and Hufflepuff’s seeker this year isn’t fast enough to match any of the other teams, so their chances of making it to the final rounds are slim.”

“So you’re saying Gryffindor has a chance then?”

“Yes, but like I said Ravenclaw–”

Marlene kept going on about Ravenclaw’s team statistics as Mary surveyed the Great Hall. It was nearing class time, yet Lily hadn’t made it down to breakfast.

“Marlene?” Mary cut her off.

Marlene snapped out of her quidditch rant, “Yes?”

“Should we go check on Lily?”

Marlene thought it over as she swallowed a spoonful of yoghurt.

“You said she was awake when you left?”

Mary nodded.

“She might’ve gone to class early. Or to talk to Slughorn. She does that sometimes.”

“Usually she tells one of us though, right?” Mary asked, second-guessing herself. “Doesn’t she?”

Marlene’s eyebrows knitted together. The two of them stared at each other, growing worry and confusion between them. Lily may have always been the last of them to show up to breakfast, but she had never been this late before. Marlene gave a slight nod and they both got up, leaving their unfinished breakfasts behind. They quickly crossed the Great Hall.

Mary jogged to keep up with Marlene’s longer strides.

“Dorm?” Marlene asked, even though she was already headed in that direction.

“And then the potions room,” Mary agreed.

“Maybe she fell back asleep?” Marlene reasoned.

“Might’ve,” Mary said tentatively.

They didn’t acknowledge how unlike Lily that would be. She had a clockwork routine. She got up at the same time every day, was in the library after her classes at the same table every day, delivered letters on the Sunday of every other week, was at Slug Club meetings every Wednesday, and went to bed when she always did, and so on. She was only ever interrupted by…

“Wait.” Mary came to a stop.

Marlene stumbled and turned to give Mary a questioning look.

“She must be with Snape.”

“Yeah… yeah, you’re right. He does like to show up whenever he wants to.”

“Exactly.”

They were at a stalemate again, looking at each other, silently puzzling out what they were to do.

Other students started to trickle by them towards classes.

“Slytherin is in our first class, so…” Marlene began.

“So we just go to class?”

“She’ll show up when Snape does.”

“What if I’m wrong and she’s not with him?”

“Even if she isn’t, Lily never misses a class.”

Mary bit on the inside of her cheek. Marlene was right. Lily missing a class was a laughable suggestion. Mary spotted Potter, Black, Lupin, and Peter headed their way.

“Peter, Lupin,” she called out to garner their attention.

All four boys turned to look at her, but she ignored the other two.

“Have either of you seen Lily? Or Snape?”

“No, sorry.” Lupin shook his head.

“Lily left the Tower when I did,” Peter offered.

“I saw Evans with Snape. About a half hour ago.” Black said Snape’s name sharply, which clashed with his casual expression and laidback look about him.

Mary let out a sigh of relief and said, mostly to herself, “That’s good.”

“Good?” Sirius snorted. “Since when is anything to do with Snivellus good?”

“Bugger off, Black. What do you know?” Mary pulled Marlene with her and walked off.

“Why’d you defend Snape? We aren’t friends with him,” Marlene asked in a whisper.

“Yes, but Lily is our friend and Snape is hers. It's the integrity of it that counts.”

“I couldn’t care about the integrity, he’s a knob.”

“Obviously I know that, Marlene. Anyways, what did I say?” Mary flashed a grin. “I knew she was with Snape. I’m always right.”

“Whatever you say, Macdonald,” Marlene said, elbowing her as she walked past.

Mary smugly elbowed her back, “Yes, yes it is, McKinnon.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Mary sat with one chair separating her and Marlene. They’d put both their bags on the seat, saving it as they waited for their friend to show. Mary had her eyes trained on the door, but the redhead had yet to make an appearance.

Finally, after the seconds had stretched themselves long, she watched as Snape walked in and Lily… didn’t.

Mary leaned over the edge of her desk, but still, there was no sight of Lily. She whipped around to stare at Marlene. Her lips were puckered, her eyebrows drawn in. She was watching Snape like she could burn him up with her eyes. Mary narrowed her eyes at him as well. He looked agitated, on edge, and uncomfortable in his seat. He shifted around, crossing and uncrossing his arms, tapping his foot, mouth pulling into a frown, nervously glancing at the doorway.

The minutes ticked by. McGonagall began the lecture.

Worry settled deep in Mary’s chest. She wanted to run out of the classroom and find Lily immediately, but all she could do was glare daggers at Snape. Because if anyone could make Lily Evans late for a class, it had to be him.

The minutes ticked by, and kept on ticking.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

“That’s all for today. Come collect your assignment before you leave.” McGonagall set her book down on her desk and reached for a stack of papers.

Mary blinked. The lecture couldn’t be over already. That would mean…

Lily had missed a class.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Mary climbed up the steps to the girls’ dormitories, taking them two by two. She had been up and out of her seat and down the corridor as quickly as McGonagall had released them. Marlene wasn't behind her, but Mary thought maybe she’d stopped to collect their bags and assignments. That thought had gotten lost somewhere in the back of her mind, that open space filled with Snape’s shifty demeanour.

“Lils? Lily?”

Mary’s breath caught in her throat when she saw Lily lying beneath her bed. The last time Mary had found her there was when their friendship had been cemented and apologies had been sung.

Mary didn’t know what to expect today, but at least she had found her.

“Jesus Christ Mary, could you have run any faster?” Marlene asked breathlessly, sarcasm creeping into her voice.

Mary nudged her and tilted her head towards Lily’s bed. Marlene’s eyes connected with the sight of Lily underneath it.

“Hey, Lily,” Marlene’s tone was levels softer than it had been before.

It sounded like the way Mary talked to her younger siblings, but she supposed Marlene also had a younger brother. It was that voice she had to use when she needed to be extra careful around a kid on the verge of tears.

Mary slowly made her way to the side of the bed. She sunk, folding her legs beneath her, her skirt fanning over her legs. Marlene crouched down beside her. The two of them sat side-by-side, twin expressions on their faces, waiting for Lily to turn her head and look back at them.

“Are you okay?” Mary asked quietly.

“Why aren’t you in class?” asked Lily.

“Why aren’t you in class?”

“How’d you find me?”

Mary scoffed at Lily’s avoidance of the question.

“Black said you were with Snape, so we went to class, thinking you’d be there with him,” Mary explained.

“But then Snape showed up and you didn’t, and this is where you like to hide out,” Marlene finished.

“I was with Sev.”

The whole room held its breath, but Lily offered up nothing more than that.

Marlene tugged on Lily’s arm, “Can you come on out and tell us what happened?”

Lily pressed her palms over her eyes, but let Marlene drag her out from under the bed. When she dropped her hands, her eyes were red and wet with tears. Tracks of tears ran down her cheeks and fell off her chin.

“I was with Severus, and was telling him about this book Remus lent me, and out of nowhere, he got all mean, and started yelling at me!” Lily exclaimed, hands waving in the air, cheeks going red not with more tears but with anger.

“I doubt it was out of nowhere,” Marlene grumbled under her breath.

“Marlene!” Mary hissed.

Sorry, Marlene mouthed.

“Was there a reason?” Mary asked.

“Well, I told him it was Remus’s book, and he wanted me to know exactly what he thought about that.”

“What is up with that?” Marlene complained. “I mean, do you even know why Snape and the boys hate each other?”

“From what Sev told me, at the beginning of the year he got into a fight with Remus, and ever since then the four of them have gone out of their way to make his life hell.”

Mary stayed quiet. She took Lily’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Have you asked Lupin, though?” Marlene asked.

“Hm?”

“Have you asked Lupin what happened?”

“...no.”

“You should. To me, he seems more reasonable than Snape. So I’d ask him.”

“Yeah you’re right, it’s just…” Lily inhaled sharply.

“It’s just what, Lils?” Mary tilted her head toward Lily to get a closer look at her.

Lily’s eyes were heavy with melancholy. Mary stared up at her, refusing to look away first. She nudged her with her shoulder, waiting for the girl to go on. More tears spilled out of Lily’s eyes. She furiously blinked and wiped them away. Marlene stood and came back with tissues for her. All the while, Mary simply stared.

“I don’t understand what is wrong with Severus. Ever since we got to school, I don’t know, it’s like he's a different person.”

Mary nodded along as Lily spoke.

“Somedays I swear I barely know him, but that shouldn’t be possible. I’ve known him for years and we’ve only been at Hogwarts for six months,” she said this all breathlessly, like she was scared to admit it to herself.

Mary did not like Snape. She did not want to defend him. But if it was to comfort Lily, how could she not?

“It’s our first year. It’s a rough adjustment, you know that. I’m sure that he’s just acting a bit off because so much has changed, right?”

Lily looked up at her with those big, endlessly green eyes. They held a glassy shine to them under eyelashes stuck together wetly.

“You think so?”

“Yes, of course. Marlene, don’t you think so, too?” Mary turned with pleading eyes to her other friend.

Marlene nodded, maybe a little too fast, maybe a little too enthusiastically.

“Yeah, yes, absolutely.”

“You’re right. I think he’s lonely, honestly. That day we were all studying together and he stormed off, he said something to that extent.”

“That’s what that was?” Marlene asked sceptically, before dropping the sour look (purely out of respect for Lily, Mary thinks) and sighed, “Well that’s okay. Have you talked to him?”

“A bit.”

“Start there again, I’m sure he’ll come around.”

Lily leaned into Mary’s side as she grabbed and held Marlene’s hand.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Mary leaned into her in turn and dropped her head against Lily’s.

“Alright, come on.” Mary stood and pulled the two girls with her, “We have to get to class.”

“Oh my god!” Lily clapped a hand over her mouth. “I missed Transfiguration.”

Mary cringed. She was hoping Lily wouldn’t realise that until later.

“I duplicated my notes for you and got you the assignment.” Marlene pulled the papers from her bag and passed them to Lily.

“Oh, Marlene. You didn’t need to do that.”

Marlene’s eyes bounced to Mary. She winked at her before bumping her hip against Lily’s.

“What are friends for?”

Mary skipped forward and wrapped her arms through theirs. Marlene and Lily clung to her as she laid a kiss on each of their cheeks.

“Everything, obviously.”

February 1972 - - Dorcas

The worn-down bronze eagle knocker on the entrance to Ravenclaw periodically opened its beak and spoke a riddle. A different riddle was given each time and each time Dorcas ignored it. Pandora told her to wait for her to come to fetch her, but it’d been longer than she’d expected her to be.

The eagle started its rant again, but this time was interrupted by the doors banging open. Pandora had her arms flung wide as she stood there. She had her hair tied back in a loose braid, strands flowing out of it and dropping around her face. Her tie was wrapped around her head and clipped underneath her braid. She had on a loose-flowing, white skirt under her untucked button-up. A scarf sat loosely on her hips in a belt-like fashion. It didn’t look to be one of hers, it was most likely her roommate’s. Sybill was eccentric enough to own something of the bright orange knitted sort.

“C’mon, c’mon.” Pandora beckoned her forward.

The first thing Dorcas noticed about the Ravenclaw common room was the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw which stood tall in the back of the room. The stairs down to the dormitories sat on either side of it. Pristine chairs, tables, and sofas sat atop the blue and bronze rug that filled the space.

Pandora led her down the right staircase. Windows lined the corridor of dorms. The handles were bronze like the eagle door knocker. They were engraved with various depictions of Rowena. Pandora’s door had a Rowena holding a book carved into it.

“I’m back, Sybill,” Pandora said as they entered the room.

“And brought your friend with you, finally.”

Sybill was sitting cross-legged on the floor. She had a scarf tied around her head that matched the one on Pandora’s waist. Her eyes were enlarged by the wide-lens glasses she had on. In front of her was a cauldron full of something brewing, which was odd in the way that the whole room smelt strongly of tea. Why she would be making tea in a cauldron, Dorcas did not know.

Sybill extended a hand from where she sat. Dorcas bent forward and shook it. Instead of letting go, Sybill pulled her until she dropped to her knees. She turned Dorcas’s hand over and started running her fingers down the lines in her palm.

“Pandora, would you…” Sybill began to say.

Pandora held out a book to her. Sybill gave her a loopy smile,

“Wonderful.”

Dorcas eyed Pandora, who merely tilted her head to the side.

Still grasping Dorcas’s hand tightly, Sybill started flipping through pages in her book. She pursed her lips and looked down her glasses at Dorcas. Dorcas’s immediate instinct was to pull away. She wasn’t too sure about the strange girl telling her what her future was based on the lines in her hand. Especially after Pandora told her that Sybill said she was going to live a short life.

Sybill yanked her hand closer to her face.

“You’re quite something.”

Dorcas’s eyebrows shot up.

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sybill waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture.

Now, it wasn’t as if Dorcas truly put weight in anything Sybill had to tell her, but it was a tad scary to have someone stare deep into the lines and creases of your hand, and then tell you 'not to worry about it'.

“Hm.” Sybill dropped her hand as if she’d all of a sudden lost interest.

“Do you happen to know where I set those teacups, Pandora?”

Pandora moved to help Sybill. Dorcas sat stunned at their total change of topic. She shook her head to herself. She could already tell that Pandora and Sybill suited each other well as roommates.

Dorcas stood and shuffled to Pandora’s bed. An array of books covered it, laid out in order of colour. One with a lime green cover and golden accents caught her interest. She flipped through the pages. Detailed drawings of plant after plant filled the yellowed papers. Little bullet points and notes were scribbled in the margins.

“Do you have an affinity for herbology or are you just looking?” Pandora hovered beside her, stacks of teacups in her hands.

Dorcas’s lips quirked up into a smile. She loved the way in which Pandora used words. She spun them like a spider spun its web. Each sentence was unique from anything else. Most people didn’t seem to ever fully know what she was saying. Most professors didn’t either, though Dorcas thinks that’s because none of them can comprehend how something so… different sounding can come out of the mouth of someone as young as Pandora.

“I love herbology. Grew up with it, since my mum owns an apothecary.” Dorcas closed the book and smoothed a hand down the cover. “She owns a lot of books like this.”

“Keep it, if you want it. I’ve read through it, I don’t need to hold on to it any longer,” Pandora told her.

Dorcas hugged the book to her chest, “Thanks.”

“The tea is done!”

Sybill sat on the floor again, this time triumphantly holding the cauldron of tea up in the air while grinning at them. She had on huge red gloves, presumably so she wouldn’t burn her fingers. Pandora hadn’t even glanced at her, but still said,

“Take caution, Sybill.”

Sybill huffed and returned the cauldron to its original spot on the ground.

“Cups?” Sybill asked, raising an eyebrow at Dorcas and Pandora’s turned back.

Dorcas carefully took the teacups from the distracted Pandora. She sank slowly into a sitting position, careful not to drop the fragile ceramics.

She folded her hands over her lap and watched Sybill pour the tea. Perhaps taking Pandora’s advice, she did this with much more patience and slowness than she had done anything else so far. When she was finished, she slid a cup toward Dorcas and one a little ways away. Pandora eventually sat in front of that cup, her skirt fanning out around her. She leaned against Dorcas, a warm weight on her shoulder.

Pandora and Sybill both drank from their cups, and Dorcas was nudged until she did the same. They didn’t talk for that part, not until there was little to no tea left in the bottom of the cups and Sybill pulled them toward her again. Unlike the palm reading, Sybill had four books spread out around her.

“Well, that is a contradiction. And funny enough, yours are both very similar,” Sybill mumbled.

Dorcas leaned forward and peered into the cups. She didn’t see anything notable, maybe it was because she was looking at it upside down, or maybe it was because there was nothing to see.

“Though I am still honing my skills,” Sybill sighed.

“She’s still honing her skills,” Pandora stated matter-of-factly.

“Of course.” Dorcas nodded as if that made all the sense in the world.

It did make sense – not a lot – but enough. Pandora made sense. She had since Dorcas had met her. Sybill, strange yet endearing as she was, was beginning to make sense. Now, Dorcas meant that in the loosest meaning of the word. She understood them, and that was more than enough.

February 1972 - - Marlene

“Madam Pomfrey sent me to fetch potion supplies.”

Slughorn waved his hand for her to continue.

“She needs wormwood, valerian, flobberworm, sopophorous bean, powdered asphodel petals, and essence of nettle.” Marlene ticked the ingredients off on her fingers.

“Sleeping draught?” Slughorn raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, sir.”

“And you’re helping her.” He looked sceptical in saying that.

Slughorn sure had his favourites, and his favourites were often the only ones he considered capable in potionry. Marlene held back on the attitude she wanted to give him,

“Yes, sir.”

“And you are?”

“Marlene McKinnon. I’m friends with Lily Evans,” she reminded him.

“Ah yes, Miss Evans, wonderful student.” With that, he headed for his storage room.

Marlene was left standing there. She leaned to her left to get a look at the closet full of potion ingredients. Little glass jars lined high shelves. Each was labelled, some with unrecognisable names, some with names in different languages. While Marlene understood a good amount of her potions class – as well as what Madam Pomfrey had taught her so far – she was nowhere close to the level of knowledge that she’d need to understand all that was in the storage room.

Marlene stood back straight, acting as if she wasn’t spying on the room when Slughorn walked out. He handed her the six vials of ingredients which she tucked safely into the basket Madam Pomfrey had sent her with.

“Thanks, professor,” she called on her way out.

It was nearing curfew, but Madam Pomfrey had become less uptight over that following the Christmas break. Pomfrey had even given her a pin, somewhat similar to the prefect pin so that if a professor or prefect saw her after curfew, she wouldn’t be penalised.

Marlene pushed through the doors of the hospital wing.

“Is that you, Miss McKinnon?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Did you get everything?”

“Yup!” Marlene entered Pomfrey’s back office and held up the basket of ingredients.

“Perfect, thank you.” Madam Pomfrey nodded.

Pomfrey had the cauldron heated on the desk. She waved Marlene over next to her. Marlene stood by her side, handing over the ingredients as needed. On each step, Madam Pomfrey would walk her through it.

“Use the handle of the knife, it puts more pressure on it and crushes it better.”

“You want it to be chopped in the smallest bits you can get.”

“The best way to get the mucus out is to drag the top of the knife – the side that’s not sharp – down the worm.”

“These, however, are fine to be cut up in larger pieces.”

Marlene stirred it all together slowly. The potion faded into a darker colour as she did so. Pomfrey watched with the eyes of a hawk, signalling for her to stop stirring when the potion was done.

Madam Pomfrey waved her hand and the flame under the cauldron died out. She looked Marlene over with approval.

“We’ll make a healer out of you yet.”

Marlene grinned.

“All that’s left is to bottle this all up and you can be done for the night.”

Marlene sat in the chair across from her as Pomfrey summoned the boxes of bottles she kept on hand. Marlene watched in awe as she flicked her hand back and forth between the cauldron and bottles. The potion flew through the air and dropped down into the separate glasses.

“Could you teach me that?”

“It’s quite late,” Pomfrey said. “Cork the bottles for me today, and I’ll be sure to show you tomorrow.”

Marlene nodded and got to work, satisfied with the promise of learning something new.

“When can I start learning more?” Marlene inquired.

“More?”

“Yes. I know potion basics, the upkeep of the hospital wing, and the steps you follow when a student comes in injured, sick, or otherwise in need of help. But when can I learn more?”

A smile crossed Madam Pomfrey’s face, “All in due time, Miss McKinnon. You are still only a first-year student.”

Marlene made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat. Madam Pomfrey laughed. Her eyes crinkled at the corners when she did. Everything about her was caring and good-natured, and Marlene loved that about her.

“I cannot say I have ever met a single student as passionate as you,” she said softly.

“Well then you’ve met some rather uninspired students, Madam Pomfrey,” Marlene said matter-of-factly.

There was that laugh again, the one that wrapped Marlene up in warmth. It reminded her of her mother, years ago, when Marlene was still quite young. Reminded her of when her mother still laughed like nothing could make her unhappy.

“May I ask why you are so interested in becoming a healer?” Madam Pomfrey asked curiously.

Marlene stayed quiet for a moment or two, “One of my first signs of magic when I was a kid was healing magic. I guess I’ve been interested ever since.” She said each word lightly as if they couldn't affect her.

Pomfrey placed her hand over Marlene’s. Marlene’s eyes stuck to her fingers and the gentle way she smiled. When Pomfrey pulled her hand away to return to filling the bottles of potion, Marlene sharply turned her head and blinked furiously.

“I had no interest in healing until after I left Hogwarts,” Pomfrey told her.

“None at all?”

“Not a lick of it. That was until I accidentally splinched myself one day. It was a real nasty injury so I ended up at St Mungo’s.”

Marlene couldn’t imagine the matron accidentally splinching herself. She seemed too responsible to be unfocused enough to have that happen.

“That visit’s what opened my eyes. I had done exceedingly well in school and was accepted into the training program. I worked at Mungo’s for a while after finishing and now, here I am.”

Marlene corked the last bottle of sleeping draught and set it into the final slot in the box.

“It took me years of learning to get where I am. So you should not feel like you need to rush into anything. You’ll get there eventually.”

“But when?” Marlene grumbled.

Madam Pomfrey exhaled a laugh.

“Let life take you where it wants to, Marlene. I am sure you will do great things one day,” Pomfrey assured her. “But for today, if you are so inclined, you may go pick a book or two to take.”

Madam Pomfrey waved her hand toward the bookshelves. She had texts that went far beyond that in the school library. They were most likely picked up from her own experiences in healing. Some of them looked to be more journal-like, and some were chock full of medical terms, potions, and spells.

“Can I really?” Marlene asked enthusiastically.

“Go on.”

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Marlene’s words strung together as she practically flew from her chair to the shelves.

She ran her fingers over the bindings on the books, stopping to pull a few out that caught her attention. They all had more pages than her textbooks and could’ve been older than she was.

Marlene whirled around to face Madam Pomfrey. She clutched the books to her chest. A smile grew across her face.

“From now on if you want to borrow a book you can, just let me know, alright?”

On a whim, Marlene rushed to Pomfrey and wrapped an arm around her in a side hug. It lasted all of two seconds when she realised that was probably quite awkward of her. She pulled away, her face red.

“Sorry,” Marlene mumbled.

Madam Pomfrey set a hand gently on Marlene’s shoulder, “Don’t be sorry, you’re a sweet girl. It’s been lovely having you here.”

Marlene’s cheeks flushed red, “Thank you, Madam Pomfrey.”

“Of course dear, of course.”

Chapter Text

March 1972 - - Dorcas

Pandora dotted the green paint over Dorcas’s cheeks and nose. Her fingers were covered with the green like Dorcas’s were covered in blue. Dorcas had done swirls across Pandora’s face, all over her cheeks, and smudges across her eyelids.

They sat facing each other with their backs to their respective tables. It was how they often sat to talk during meals, but that day Dorcas had brought face paint with her to the Great Hall. Her roommates had given it to her earlier and she thought Pandora would like the idea.

The Ravenclaw-Slytherin quidditch game was starting soon.

Everyone in the entirety of the school was decked out in the colours of the House they were supporting. Most of Gryffindor had on Ravenclaw colours, but Hufflepuff was pretty divided between the two. The school had been rallying for the past week in their support for the Houses they wanted to win. Both teams were on edge and had been out on the pitch practising as much as allowed. Emma had been telling Dorcas the day prior how badly their captain had been running them ragged. Dorcas knew the hard work would pay off for them, though. It wasn’t only her obvious bias making her believe Slytherin would win – Ravenclaw was good, see, just not as good.

Dorcas and Pandora joined the crowd leaving the Great Hall as soon as they were finished with the face paint.

“You say Slytherin is better, but I don’t think so,” Pandora stated.

“I didn’t know you cared so much about quidditch,” remarked Dorcas.

“I don’t know if I do, but it’s a fact our seeker is better.”

“It sure sounds like you care.”

“I guess we’ll see.”

Dorcas cracked a grin at that.

“You’re sitting with me, right?” Pandora asked.

“In Ravenclaw’s stands?”

“Yes.”

“Why can’t we sit in Slytherin’s stands?”

Pandora sighed dramatically, “Slytherin is so… unruly.”

“Ravenclaw isn’t any better!”

“Ravenclaw isn’t as mean.”

“Slytherin isn’t mean!”

Pandora stopped walking and gave her a pointed look.

“Half of your cheers are only there to boo the opposing team.”

“You don’t have to cheer with them, Pandora.”

“Are you going to?”

“What? No. That would be–” The word ‘mean’ never left her mouth, but it proved Pandora’s point.

“I am going to sit with my House. Go where you want, Dorcas.”

Dorcas watched Pandora walk away down the path that led to the Ravenclaw stands. Her blonde hair swung in a long, loose braid and her scarf drifted in the wind. Dorcas’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. Had they just fought? Sure, they’d been arguing a bit -- she thought -- but it had started lighthearted enough.

Dorcas eventually had to move. She didn’t want to miss the start of the game. She took the other way around to the Slytherin stands, even if it took her longer to get there. She pushed her way into the throngs of people. There was shoving and screaming and the game hadn't even started.

On the field, the teams were lined up in a face-off. They glared at each other, all tense and ready for competition.

The voice of the announcer sounded over the pitch. The players kicked off from the ground and the balls were released.

“The quaffle is immediately taken by Ravenclaw captain and chaser Rowan Radcliff!” The announcer went on to list the players, their skills, and attributes, all the while narrating the game.

Dorcas followed Emma around in the air. She was one of the team’s chasers. No one could deny she was spectacular. She intercepted throws and skyrocketed to the goalposts. She was the one they sent the quaffle to to score. She got the ball past the Ravenclaw keeper just about every time. But for every point she scored, the Ravenclaw captain scored one as well. Steve Laughalot, the keeper for Slytherin, blocked as much as he could, but it was one captain against another. Both had played the whole six years they could. Their skills matched perfectly.

Dorcas screamed her lungs out alongside her House. She cheered and whooped when a goal was scored – and refrained from joining in when they started with the catty jeering.

Dorcas had never thought about the way her House acted much before. She didn’t talk to too many other Slytherins. It was mostly just her roommates and classmates she was around. She hadn’t ever paid attention to them as a whole, but now she was overly aware of the nasty insults they threw around.

Dorcas went quiet as she looked through the Slytherins. Shame bubbled up within her. She had all but been ignoring their blatant rudeness before. Houses were supposed to group the students together by traits; they were supposed to build community within the school. The point of them was to be around people like you. People you would like. Dorcas tried to recall what the Sorting Hat had proclaimed before it placed her in Slytherin. She couldn't remember.

Ravenclaw scored another point, bringing the score in favour of them. A boy behind Dorcas threw his arms up in the air and shoved himself past her, shrieking loudly. She stumbled backward and hit someone behind her. They gave her a dirty look and shoved her forward again.

“What are you doing? This should be an easy win!” the boy screamed as if he had any ability to change the score himself.

Dorcas, being fired up for all the wrong reasons, shoved herself past the boy who had shoved her first.

“Watch it!” she said sharply.

“Excuse me? You were in my way.”

The thought briefly passed her mind that he was most definitely years older than him, maybe a third or fourth year.

“You aren’t entitled to where I was standing,” she had to shout to be heard over the masses.

“Learn your place,” he shot back as he pulled out his wand.

Dorcas beat him to the punch, whipping her wand out of her sleeve and shoving it in his face. His eyes went cross-eyed when he looked down at it, half in surprise, half in anger. Everyone standing around them started to back up, their attention turned momentarily from the game to the fight Dorcas was happy to encourage.

“What’re you going to do? You’re just a little first year!”

The only other time Dorcas had purposefully hexed someone was that McKinnon girl in class. But she wasn’t in class now, and after that altercation, she was much more sure of her hexing skills. The first that came to mind was a blistering spell. She mumbled the spell under her breath, her wand still straight at the boy’s face. His head snapped back at the force of the spell. His hands immediately came up to cover his face. When he pulled his hands away there was a swelling red mark in between his eyes. Ouch, Dorcas thought deprecatingly. Other students stared gape-jawed at Dorcas. A few rushed up to the to help him but he pushed them away with fury in his eyes.

“YOU–”

Dorcas didn’t stick around long enough to hear what he had to say. People parted for her and filled back into their spots, closing the gap between her and the boy. She hurried away from the scene and to the steps that led down the stands. She glanced nervously over her shoulder, thinking the boy might follow her.

She shouldn’t have done that. It was reckless. She understood half of what went into quidditch was rooting for your team and not wanting anyone else to win. That she didn’t care about; it was part of the sport. But how had she not realised before how much of that energy carried over into other areas? She did now, all the snide comments about and to other Houses that had passed over her head. Those comments weren’t always aimed at Houses too, sometimes just specific people. Muggle-borns, really. Dorcas knew all this and was aware of how some pure-bloods felt. It shouldn’t have felt so striking to hear it, though. To realise the obliviousness she'd let herself be comfortable in. It made her skin itch.

She left the Slytherin stands behind and started for the Ravenclaw section. She was about halfway there when Pandora stepped off the last stair of the Ravenclaw steps.

The two girls stared at each other. Neither had expected the other to be there. Dorcas had been headed to Pandora and Pandora to her.

Dorcas cracked up first. She put her hands on her hips and laughed as Pandora stared at her with an incredulous look on her face.

“Dorcas! What are you doing over here?” A laugh bubbled up between her words.

“Me? What about you?”

“I was headed to search for you.”

“I was coming to go look for you.”

Dorcas laughed with a shake of her head. She sat down in between the two stands and motioned Pandora over. Pandora sat down with their shoulders pressed together and knees hitting each other. The two of them craned their necks up to watch. They could still hear each play-by-play even if they couldn’t see it happening as well.

“Slytherin is pretty mean, huh?” sighed Dorcas.

“Yeah, but not all of them.” Pandora nudged her with a hinting look in her eyes.

“Really? You should’ve seen me five minutes ago,” she said as if it were meant to be sarcastic, but it wasn’t, not really.

“What did you do?”

“Hexed some guy. Straight in the face.”

Pandora’s eyes bugged out of her head and she pinched her lips small, “And why would you do such a thing?”

“I realised there are a lot of people in Slytherin who are pretty… hateful. And then he pushed me and, stupidly, I got mad.”

“I don’t think that was stupid to be mad over.”

“I just don’t know why it suddenly got to me. You said Slytherin was mean, and I started thinking about it, then I started hearing it. Their insults are so low down. It’s disgusting.”

Pandora grabbed Dorcas’s hand and squeezed it tight.

“Just because you are a part of the House does not mean you are what they are. And I didn't mean every Slytherin is the same. I've met some pretty great ones. You do know that?”

Dorcas leaned heavily into Pandora.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I know.”

Cheers sounded from the towers surrounding them. Dorcas squinted. She lifted the omnioculars she had hanging from her neck up to her eyes. Ravenclaw had surpassed Slytherin in points. Dorcas watched Emma get a bludger sent straight toward her as she flew with the quaffle under her arm. Thankfully, she saw it in enough time to drop straight down in the air and narrowly avoid being pummelled.

Dorcas swung the omnioculars up and caught sight of the Slytherin seeker flattened against his broom and speeding straight toward what she presumed was the snitch.

“Slytherin’s about to get the snitch, look.” Dorcas offered the omnioculars over to Pandora.

Pandora inhaled sharply as she watched, “Those brooms are death traps, I swear. But oh, oh he’s caught it!”

The announcer screamed over the hollering and whistling from Slytherin, “And there it is! Slytherin’s seeker, Gil Oakes, has won the match for Slytherin!”

Dorcas jumped to her feet and flung her arms up in the air, cheering alongside her House even though she didn’t stand among them. She whirled around to face Pandora and excitedly pulled her to her feet and spun around with her. Pandora threw her head back and laughed.

The teams landed and Dorcas started pulling Pandora with her to the field. Everyone else had started streaming out of the stands along with them.

“We have to go congratulate Emma,” Dorcas yelled behind her.

“Who is Emma?” Pandora shouted back.

“Vanity!” Dorcas let go of Pandora’s hand briefly to reach for Emma.

“Meadowes!”

Emma pulled her into a fierce hug. When she pulled back she shook Dorcas by shoulders.

“We won! Dorcas, we won!”

“You were amazing up there,” Dorcas congratulated her.

A smile strained on Emma’s face. She looked as if she were about to burst. She was tackled from the side by her friend, the one Dorcas had met at practice before. Amelia Bones. Somehow, Emma looked positively happier as she clung to the other girl.

Dorcas stepped back and let them have their moment. Pandora pulled on her shirt from behind. Her face was flushed and she squeezed past other people to get closer to Dorcas.

“Sorry, didn't mean to lose you back there,” Dorcas apologised.

Pandora held tightly onto Dorcas’s hand, “S’alright. Huge crowd. Are you going to introduce me?” Pandora nodded to Emma.

“Oh, yeah, you two haven’t met, huh? Vanity,” Dorcas called.

Emma had her arm looped around Amelia’s shoulders. The two of them edged closer as the team celebrated around them.

“This is my friend Pandora Rosier.” Dorcas motioned to Pandora.

“Good to meet you, Rosier. I’m Emma Vanity. This is Amelia.” Emma held a hand up in greeting.

“Lovely to make your acquaintance. You are a spectacular chaser.”

“Cheers, Rosier. Honestly, the whole team is pretty great this year,” Emma stopped and gave Dorcas a look. “It’ll be even better next year if Meadowes decides to join.”

“I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”

“So you are going to join the team?” Emma asked excitedly.

Dorcas laughed on an exhale, “Yes, yes I am.”

The Slytherin team started to break off from the crowd.

“I have to go, but you and I will be talking later, okay?” Emma waved them off as she jogged away to her team.

Dorcas, Pandora, and Amelia waved goodbye to her. Amelia smiled as she passed by them to join a group of her other friends.

The two of them headed up the castle, Pandora swinging their arms as they walked. She hadn't let go since they'd escaped the crowd, so their hands were still clasped together.

“You are joining the quidditch team next year?”

“No, I’m trying out for the team next year.”

“Well, then I guess I’ll have to come watch your practises.”

“That’s not necessary, Pandora. And besides, I don’t know if I’m going to make it anyway.”

“You will.”

“You sound so sure,” Dorcas huffed.

“Because I am. You can do anything you set your mind to, Dorcas.”

“I can?”

“Absolutely. Just promise me when you conquer the world I can be your right-hand woman.”

“If I conquer the world you can be whatever you want, Pandora.”

March 1972 - - Lily

“Can you be nice to him? Please?” Lily asked as she headed toward where Severus had his books laid out under a tree.

“No promises,” Marlene muttered.

Lily saw the way Mary elbowed Marlene and chose to ignore it.

“For you Lily, we will be nice to him,” Mary glared at Marlene as she spoke.

“Fine, we will be nice to him.”

It had taken Lily too long – at least in her opinion – to get the girls to agree to study with Severus again. It was the only way she could think of to get them in the same place. She’d known Severus longer than she’d known anyone else. No, Mary and Marlene’s first impressions… and maybe their second and third impressions, weren’t the best. But she could change that.

She had talked to Severus back in December during their break and gotten him to agree to talk to them. It had taken much persuasion and the reminder that she was still his friend despite the fact that she’d made new friends.

“Sev,” Lily called as they got closer.

He looked up from his books, smiling softly at Lily. His eyes drifted over to where Mary and Marlene stood behind her. His smile dropped and he opted for more of a scowl.

“You wanted to work on the potions assignment first?” he asked stiffly as the three of them sat down.

“Yup,” she said, forcing a more upbeat tone than usual.

“Alright, I guess. I’ve finished it, but I could help with the answers.”

Lily passed her paper over, “Check the ones I have done?”

With that, he took her assignment and laid it next to his. She watched him, hunched over their work, eyes flitting back and forth.

“Lils?” Marlene nudged Lily with her foot. “Where’d you find the answer to number seven?”

Lily pursed her lips, “Oh, um…”

“Chapter eleven,” Severus said without looking up.

“...cheers,” Marlene said, mildly reluctantly, as she flipped through the pages of her book.

“Everything looks good so far, Lily.” Severus held her paper out to her.

“Even the third question? Cause I wasn’t sure–”

“They’re all correct.”

“If you say so,” she said sheepishly.

“Have some faith in yourself.”

Lily snorted and shook her head. She laid out flat on her stomach, feet swinging behind her. They settled into an amicable bit of quiet. None of them argued, none of them were glaring at each other. Satisfaction swelled in her chest. If they could co-exist without being irate then that was a start.

Lily finished off the rest of her questions. Mary had as well and had moved on to her Charms work.

“Sev, are you sure I did the third question right? It’s just that sometimes I mix up the different types of mucus used in these types of potions.”

“I told you before, you have it right.”

“But–”

“Listen to him Lily, you’re the smartest in our year by a long shot,” Mary said.

Lily rolled her eyes at Mary, who jokingly rolled hers back.

“If you’re the smartest in our year, help me out here.” Marlene scooted closer to Lily and passed over her assignment. “What am I doing wrong?”

Marlene was still stuck on the seventh question of their assignment. It was a calculation of how to find different amounts of ingredients if one was to make more or less of a potion than dictated in the book.

“You did the calculations themselves correctly, but your starting numbers are off,” Lily told her.

Marlene groaned and dropped her head in defeat.

“Are you serious? Where am I supposed to find the numbers, then?”

“Chapter eleven,” Severus repeated himself from earlier.

“Yes, I got that, Snape,” Marlene snapped. “That’s where I looked the first time.”

Severus sighed loudly and overdramatically. Lily bit the inside of her cheek and looked between her two friends. She could sense the fight brewing. She should’ve seen it coming, if she wanted to be honest with herself. Except she didn’t want to be honest with herself. What she wanted was for all her friends to get along.

“O-kay.” She clapped her hands together, “Sev, why don’t you look over me and Mary’s and I’ll help Marlene.”

“I don’t need him to look over my work,” Mary said coolly.

“McKinnon shouldn’t need your help, she should be able to figure it out for herself,” Snape scoffed.

“Okay, excuse you, but I read chapter eleven, and I used what it gave me to answer the question. So maybe you’re the wrong one.” Marlene slammed her book shut and sat back on her heels with her arms crossed.

“Marlene–” Lily started to say.

“I’m not wrong because I’m not incompetent when it comes to potionry.”

“Severus.”

Marlene stood, her face blotched red. She scooped up her things and whipped around on the heel of her shoe. Lily reached out for her but she stomped away too quickly. She looked to Mary next, who had started to quietly pack up her things along with the few items Marlene had left behind. Mary made eye contact with Lily. Her warm brown eyes were full of a heavy amount of regret. She mouthed ‘sorry’ and followed Marlene.

Lily was frozen to her spot, staring at where Marlene and Mary had gone. A cold chill went up her spine and she sat up ramrod straight.

“What... was... that?”

Severus had the gall to appear freaked out.

“Lily, I’m–”

“No.”

He promptly snapped his mouth shut. Lily got to her feet. She towered over him where he sat. His eyes were wide and apologetic and for the first time since she’d met him, Lily didn’t feel like being very nice.

The first day Lily met Severus she had been on a walk with her sister.

The clouds hung grey and heavy above them. The hills around them may as well have been deserted except for Lily and Petunia, and…

“Who is that?” Petunia snottily asked.

While Lily shared the sentiment – almost no one besides walked the paths other than them – she would never say it so bluntly.

“Don’t be rude, Tuney.”

Lily tilted her head and watched the boy beneath the towering willow tree. She watched closely as a flower floated over his cupped palms.

Petunia made a noise of disgust in the back of her throat,

“What is he doing?”

“Shush Petunia!”

But Petunia talked far too loud to not be overheard. The boy clapped his hands around the flower and hid it behind his back.

Petunia wrinkled her nose, “God, what a freak.”

She turned and continued down the path they were on. Lily kept on standing right where she was. The boy stared at her with large eyes before stepping back and hiding behind the tree. Lily started up the hill after him.

“Lily? What are you doing?” Petunia called after her, but Lily ignored her.

Lily stopped on the side opposite the tree that the boy was on. She stepped around it. The boy was sitting, leaning up against it. He looked up at her, blinking, not saying anything.

“Hi.”

His eyebrows drew in and he stared at her,

“Hello.”

Standing above him, almost three years later, she was no longer curious about who he was. She knew who he was, or at least she thought she did.

“I don’t understand you, Severus,” she said each syllable sharply.

He flinched.

“Lily.”

She shook her head, a laugh tumbling out of her mouth.

“No, no. We’ll talk later.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Mary, Marlene? Are you up here?” Lily stuck her head past the door of their room.

The two girls sat against Alice’s bed, with Alice beside them. She lifted a hand and waved. Lily waved back.

“Hi Alice, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I’ve been busy,” she stated simply.

Lily glanced over at Marlene. She had her books all spread out on the floor, her assignment on her lap.

“Marlene? Are you okay?”

“He was right,” Marlene gritted out.

“What?”

“Snape. I was on the wrong page. He was right, and I was… not.”

“He still shouldn’t have said what he did. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise for him.”

“Sorry,” Lily whispered. “I just want you all to be friends.”

“Lily,” Alice said softly and beckoned her over. “Mary and Marlene have been telling me about Snape.”

Lily folded her legs beneath her as she sat with them.

“You obviously care about Snape. And it’s great that he’s a good friend, but… sometimes people just don’t get along.”

Lily’s shoulders slumped and she focussed her eyes on the ground in front of her.

“You don’t get along with Potter, and Marlene does.”

“That’s different!” Lily protested.

“How?” Marlene spoke up. “I’ve known Potter as long as you’ve known Snape.”

Lily didn’t know what to say to that. Mary grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly in her own.

“We get it, he’s important to you. But I don’t think we’re going to be friends with him, Lily. It’s not… it’s not going to happen,” Mary said softly and apologetically.

Lily shook Mary’s hands off and waved them back and forth.

“I get it, I do, really. And that’s…” Lily took in a shaky breath, “that’s okay.”

Mary leaned forward and pulled her into a hug. Alice laughed and said,

“Alright, alright, I haven’t talked to any of you in too long, besides this, what’s been going on?” Alice leaned back and took the papers from Marlene she was obsessing over.

“Get in here first, you too Marlene.” Mary dragged the two other girls into the hug.

Alice clung on to them tighter and yanked them closer to her. The four of them toppled over to the floor. Marlene’s elbow hit the centre of Lily’s stomach. She doubled over clutching her side, laughing as she shrieked,

“Marlene! Bloody hell, that hurt.”

“Oh, it did not,” Marlene cackled.

Lily rolled away as Marlene tried to pull her back toward them. She caught her breath and looked over at them. Alice, who’d she’d rarely seen except at nighttime, was leaning up against Mary. Marlene was sprawled out near their feet.

Lily smiled. Even if they would never know Severus the way she did – or at least thought she did – she was content with having them there. In the best world, they’d all be happy with each other, but it wasn’t that world, so she was happy with them separately.

March 1972 - - Marlene

Marlene was most certainly alone on her walk back to the Gryffindor Tower. It was late by the time she’d made it out of the Hospital Wing, per usual. She had her bag hiked up over her shoulder. She’d taken two new books from Madam Pomfrey’s collection. Her shoes were quiet over the stone ground. If Lily and Mary were there, the halls would be filled with the echo of their mary jane’s and hushed chatting.

It was only Marlene, though, so when she heard the sudden sound of footsteps she paused and held her breath. There wasn’t a person in sight, but the steps sure had been near her. They’d stopped when she did, like maybe they could see her.

“Hello?”

There was a slight breeze to the left of her. She spun and swiped out a hand, but there wasn’t anything there.

She heard the footsteps again – briefly – and took off after them.

“Hey! Who’s there?” She rounded another corner and almost ran smack into James.

His eyes were wide and wild behind his glasses. Peter, Lupin, and Black stood behind him with equally crazed expressions.

“Where did you four come from?” she asked breathlessly.

James lifted his eyebrows, “You know…” he waved in a general direction behind him. The other three boys nodded along with equal conviction.

“Okay,” Marlene said with pointed skepticality. “Shouldn’t you be in the Tower this late?”

“What are you, a prefect?” Sirius asked flippantly.

“Shouldn’t you also be at the Tower?” Peter asked simultaneously.

“No. I work with Madam Pomfrey in the evenings. You four, on the other hand,” Marlene paused and looked them over.

“Are a band of marauders?” Sirius interjected.

Marlene raised an eyebrow at him as she recalled Lily saying something like that before. Although she had made it sound like an insult, Sirius said it in an overly giddy tone.

“Are you saying that to mock Lily?”

“What? No!”

Marlene pressed her lips into a straight line.

“Okay,” she drew out the vowels as they all shifted uncomfortably in front of her. “I’m going to go.”

“Right! Right, and we’re…” James grinned and pointed behind him.

Marlene turned away from them and walked back the way she had run. It had felt like someone invisible had been lurking, but the only ones who’d turned up were the boys. She doubted their ability to vanish themselves from sight. So perhaps she had heard nothing, or the wind, a ghost. Something else, but it was absurd to entertain the idea that it could have been the boys.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Are you two aware of the level at which the boys are pulling pranks?” Marlene asked Mary and Lily a few days later.

“No, and I don’t want to be,” Lily stated.

“I’ve been investigating–”

“Investigating?” Mary laughed.

“Yes. I’ve found that for the amount of people at this school, half of the trouble caused is because of them.”

“Is that so?” Mary asked in a way where Marlene knew she was simply entertaining her for fun.

“Black has almost the most detentions in the school year so far.”

“Almost?”

“Yes, almost. The Prewett twins still have that title.”

“Who are the Prewett twins?” Lily looked up from the work she had spread across her table.

“Gideon and Fabian Prewett. Gryffindors. They’re in Alice’s year. Troublemakers enough to rival the marauders over there.” Marlene tilted her head toward where the boys sat.

“You are not actually calling them the marauders,” Lily said in an exasperated voice.

“Sorry, it’s catchy. My point is you’d think with the number of people at this school it’d be more than four first years causing trouble, but it’s rather…” Marlene rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as she scoured for the right word, “...dull.”

“Be our guest then, McKinnon, create some havoc,” Mary said deviously.

“Oh god, Mary. Don’t encourage her.”

“Why not? A bit of troublemaking could do us all some good.”

Lily scoffed, “As if.”

Mary tilted her head toward Marlene with those sickly sweet eyes, “I’ll wreak some havoc with you, Marlene.”

“Will you now?”

“Any day, McKinnon, any day.”

Marlene rested her head on Mary’s shoulder with a soft sigh. Lily looked between them with raised eyebrows.

“You two, I swear.” She shook her head.

Marlene’s eyes caught on the edge of her vision where the boys sat. James was staring at her with a delinquent smile akin to the one he wore the night before.

“What?” she mouthed to him.

“Nothing.” he mouthed back as if she would believe that.

She settled back against Mary. While Lily may have opposed it, Mary was right. If the boys could, why couldn’t they create some mischief?

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Sirius’s cousin sent him a new record,” Remus said as he walked up to them.

Marlene sat on one corner of the sofa, Lily on the other, with Mary spread out across. The three of them simultaneously glanced up at him. Mary dropped her magazine against her chest, Lily folded her book shut on her lap, and Marlene lifted her head off the back of the couch. Marlene looked at him with raised eyebrows as his eyes flitted between the three of them.

“You like music right?” Remus went on.

“Yes, we do,” Mary responded while she gave him a look that screamed ‘duh’.

“What band?” Marlene asked.

“The Who.”

“Who’s The Who?” Lily whispered to Marlene and Mary.

Marlene stared at her incredulously,

“Oh god, I know you said you aren’t a music fan but really? You don’t know The Who?”

“...no?”

“Do you want to have a listen then?” Remus asked, in a too-casual voice.

“The other boys aren’t up there, are they?” Lily wrinkled her nose.

Marlene had already made up her mind regardless of Lily. Her brother only owned so much music, which meant she was limited in listening options. She wasn’t going to pass up the chance to hear something new.

“Uh, no. I think they’re out right now.” Remus looked away from them as he spoke.

“Alright, up, up you two.” Mary slid into a sitting position and grabbed both of their hands to pull them to their feet.

Marlene went willingly, her hand tight in her friend’s as they headed to the boy’s dormitory. Remus stood next to the open door and motioned for them to go first. His eyes kept darting further down the corridor in a nervous fashion, though Marlene failed to notice.

Remus didn’t come into the room with them, instead, he stepped back against the wall and out of sight.

“Lupin–” Mary started, but didn’t have a chance to say much after that.

All around them were colourful explosions of plants that had been hidden away in the room. Bursts of varying shades of red left Marlene, Mary, and Lily covered head to toe in the liquified remnants. Marlene’s clothes clung to her where she’d been drenched and her hair was dripping red juice. The floor and walls were as drowned as the girls, but they must’ve put a spell on their beds to keep them clean.

James, Peter, and Black suddenly came into view in the doorway. Remus hovered behind them.

“How’s that for a little mischief, McKinnon?” James grinned at her as he leaned against the doorway.

Marlene stared at him in disbelief. Her mouth hung open as the juice of the exploded plants ran down the side of her head and into her ear. He’d heard her. When she’d been talking to the girls in the Great Hall about pranking and the Prewetts.

“You,” Marlene’s voice wavered with a contemptuous laugh, her eyes boring into James.

She was at a loss for words. Mary and Lily were seemingly also in the same position. She ended up blurting out,

“You don’t have a The Who album, do you?”

Remus looked guilty, “We do.”

“Remus, you traitor!” Lily scorned him.

Remus’s hands flew up and he stepped back from the mess, “They made me help, I swear.”

Black made a disbelieving sound, to which Remus elbowed him straight in the gut.

“Hey!” The two boys launched into a scuffle of elbows.

Marlene took their distraction as a chance to pull Mary and Lily in and whisper to them her plan of action. Mary grinned and nodded and even Lily was agreeable enough to go along with it.

Marlene stepped forward with her arms crossed and stared silently at the boys as they messed with each other. Mary and Lily were behind her with the same stern looks on their faces. Peter was the first to notice. His eyes widened minisculely. He nudged James who immediately sobered up. Remus and Black caught on and stopped their fighting to watch Marlene.

She ran her hand through her hair, squeezing out some of the red. She watched it drip down to the already-soaked floor. With the bright red liquid pooling in the palm of her hand, she walked toward James. Panic flickered across his face.

“Wait, Marlene–”

She reached out and smeared it straight down his face. She then dragged her hands down her robes and slapped them down on his shoulders. Red handprints stained the dark cloth.

James stuttered out a sentence of, “That… you–Marlene!”

With them distracted and focussed on Marlene, Lily strode forward, grabbed Remus by the front of his robes, and ran her red-stained hands through his hair. Mary went for Sirius, who was so desperate to get away that he slipped and fell. His arms pinwheeled and his back hit the ground with a sharp thud.

Mary’s jaw dropped open and she moved away from him with wide eyes. Marlene grabbed for Peter as she did so. He didn’t try to retaliate, he knew it was coming and accepted it when she handprinted his robes with the red of the plants. Marlene swung her arm around Peter and James’s shoulders to pull them close.

“How’s that for a little mischief?” she asked them.

“No, we definitely still have you bested,” James said at the exact time Peter said, “We didn’t think you’d do anything.”

Marlene watched Sirius sit up. The entire back of him was soaked, hair, robes, everything, saturated with the exploded plants.

“Macdonald,” Sirius seethed.

“Actions have consequences, Black. Don’t you know?” She stuck out her bottom lip in a mock pout.

Sirius lunged for Mary’s ankle to take her down with him. She narrowly avoided him but knocked into Lily and the two of them went down together. Marlene threw her head back and laughed at the sight. She went to slip out from underneath James and Peter’s arms and in turn slid over the ground and plummeted down next to her friends. She rolled onto her side and laughed some more, this time at her demise.

“What are you laughing at?” Lily asked from beside her on the ground.

“Trouble is fun, is it not, my dear Evans.” Marlene grinned.

Lily acquiesced, “Maybe it is.”

March 1972 - - Mary

Mary lay on her stomach across her bed blowing on her freshly painted nails. She waved her other hand around haphazardly, having finished it a few minutes earlier. Her nails were now a bright red colour. It was fitting, she thought, given she was a Gryffindor.

“I’m sure there’s a spell for that,” Lily said from beside her, pointing out Mary's hand waving.

“I don’t need magic for everything, Lils.”

“I’m only saying. D’you think Marlene owns any wizard magazines? I bet you could find all sorts of spells for this stuff in there.”

“She might. I bet Alice does.”

“You bet I do what?” Alice asked as she flounced into the room.

Marlene trailed behind Alice, tossing her bag off her shoulder and onto her bed. She gazed at Lily and Mary curiously. Mary smiled briefly as she swung her hands a little aggressively through the air. She watched as Marlene looked at the bucket of polishes she had set out and the two of them on the bed.

“Have wizard magazines?” Lily asked Alice.

“Of course I do.” Alice went digging through her bedside drawers.

Mary stared at Marlene, who was lingering by her bed. Mary held up the bottle of red that she had finished using. Marlene eyed it, her face twisting up.

“I’ve never painted my nails before,” Marlene confessed.

“Then I’ll do it for you.” Mary motioned her over.

Alice brought her magazines out and Lily scooted back to make room for her. Mary did the same for Marlene, beckoning her again until the girl gave in. Marlene perched in front of her. Mary pulled one of Marlene’s hands into her own and pushed the bottle of nail polish into the other.

“Hold this.”

Next to them, Lily was sifting through the stack of magazines that Alice had handed her. The pictures in them moved and the titles seemed to pop straight off the page. As Mary carefully painted the red varnish onto Marlene’s short, scuffed-up nails, Lily read aloud various sections.

“Oh my god, there are spells that make your hair do itself, Mary, look.”

Mary glanced over at the article.

“That would sure save time,” Mary commented.

“I can’t picture using half these spells.” Lily looked up at Alice and Marlene. “Do people use them?”

“Well, sure. Might as well put magic to use if it’s available.” Alice shrugged.

Lily sat back against Mary’s pillows. She wore a contemplative expression. Mary could guess why. They were both muggle-born; they didn’t grow up using magic for anything. To hear that most wizards would use magic for everything was unfathomable. Certain things didn’t need magic, or at least Mary thought so. Mary could see why it would be nice to be able to do so, but really, what was the point? Why reduce every task to a few waves of a wand?

“It must be different,” Marlene began. “To be around all this now.”

“Some days,” Mary agreed.

“What is it like?” Marlene blurted. “To grow up as a muggle?”

Mary shared a look with Lily.

“To me, it’s quite normal,” Mary ended up saying. “You live as if muggles are the ones out of place, the odd ones. But to me, wizards and magic are different and odd.”

Marlene held her other hand out for Mary to paint as she looked to be mulling that fact over.

“My mum is muggle-born, so we used to be more in the muggle world.” A pensieve sort of sadness filled Marlene’s eyes. “But I never knew it in a way that didn’t coexist with magic.”

“Looking back, knowing what I do now, it was… simple. This world I’m in now, it’s a mystery sometimes. It’s thrilling,” Lily said breathlessly.

Mary had never thoroughly thought of it. The differences were obvious, but she hadn’t truly questioned her life without magic since she’d gotten to Hogwarts. Lily was right, it was a thrill to know all that she did now about magic and witches and such.

“You make magic sound astonishing, Lily,” Alice sighed loudly as she sat back against the bed frame.

“It is,” Mary spoke up. “It's like there’s so much more to find out about life now.”

None of them said much more after that. Lily and Alice both came across as too lost in thought for the time being. They were both so opposite in how they grew up. Lily in the solitude outside of a magic world, and Alice fully in the throes of it as a pure-blood. Then there was Marlene, who had been acting unlike herself since she’d come into the room. She hadn’t had much to say, but she’d been curious other times.

When Mary finished Marlene’s nails, Marlene pulled away and looked down at them. She held her hand up extended away from her face. Mary watched Marlene closely. Her eyes were wide. She gazed at her freshly painted nails as if they were a spectacle.

“Ooh, let me see.” Alice leaned over and up against Marlene to catch a glimpse of her nails. “The red looks rockin’ on you, Marls.”

“Marls?” Marlene asked quietly with a laugh.

“What? It’s fun.” Alice rolled her eyes playfully.

Alice went back to painting Lily’s toenails as Lily painted hers. They had their legs tangled up to reach around each other so they could all keep squished up on Mary’s bed. Marlene stayed staring at her nails all the while.

Mary nudged Marlene until the girl looked up at her.

“You okay?” she asked in a breath of a whisper.

“Of course,” Marlene said softly. “I’ve just never had my nails painted before.”

Marlene had said that before, but it was different that time. She said it like it meant something.

“Never? Not with your mum or friends back home?”

“My mum is always busy and my friends back home are Peter and James.”

“Oh, right.” Mary frowned. “Want me to paint your toes then, too? You can do mine.”

“Don’t be surprised if I bollocks it up.”

“It’ll look fine.”

It did not look fine, but Mary didn’t have the heart to tell Marlene that. She looked happy, sitting there admiring her pristine nails and painting a glitter layer over the gold she’d done on Mary’s.

“I didn’t grow up getting to do these things,” Marlene told them.

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t either.” Alice stuck her hand out for them to see. Each nail was a different colour and was a mess around the edges.

“Huh. I guess that’s the difference, then. Between knowing about magic and not,” Lily said.

Marlene’s eyebrows drew together,

“What do you mean?”

“The ways of doing things are different,” Mary answered before turning to Lily. “Right? That’s what you meant?”

Lily nodded, “The small notions in life change if you have magic or not.” She held up the magazine. “For example, there are spells in here for the most basic tasks.”

“So…” Marlene mulled it over. “It’s the difference between… having to drive or being able to apparate?”

“Or painting your nails versus a spell that does it for you,” Alice added.

Mary found Lily’s eyes. An understanding passed between them in the brief moment.

“I think growing up without knowing about magic had its advantages and disadvantages,” Mary murmured with a hint of sentiment.

Marlene started picking at her fingernails. Mary swatted her hand.

“Hey! Don’t do that!” Mary scolded her.

“Sorry.” Marlene tucked her hands under her thighs. “I just wonder… I wonder how different my family would be if we weren’t wizards.”

Alice’s eyes went vacant as she stared off past the curtains on the bed frame, as if she too were imagining her own family as muggles. Her lips curled down into a frown in a way Mary hadn’t seen her look before. Alice was infectious grins, charismatic attitude, ink smudged on her hands, and a constant whirlwind look as if she was persistently feeling the high from rocketing around on her broom. But she was none of those things then. Her frown deepened and she shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

“New topic,” Alice announced.

Marlene nodded with an equally perturbed air to her.

Lily leaned in toward them, “Want to know a secret, then?”

Mary leaned forward as Lily had done, eyebrows raised high in expectation.

“I’ve known magic has existed since before I got my letter.”

Mary’s eyes went round as saucers. Alice whipped around to stare at Lily. Marlene blinked rapidly with a snorting laugh.

“What? How?” Marlene demanded.

“Severus. As a kid, he did a lot of involuntary magic. He never told me about wizards and witches, or any of this.” Lily went momentarily quiet. “It was nothing but magic in its most pure form. In its most basic existence.”

Mary leaned back from where they’d all been crowded next to each other. She’d only had magic in one way. It had swelled within her, new and exciting, unknown and terrifying. Then she’d gotten to school and that bubble had burst and then it had come rushing in how real it was. Mary envied the way Lily could describe her experience with it.

Marlene was staring down at her nails once more before looking up at Lily all softly,

“That’s beautiful, Lily.”

Mary wouldn’t have put it any other way.

Chapter Text

April 1972 - - Mary

Mary climbed the stairs away from the Gryffindor Tower that led to McGonagall’s office. The professor had requested to see her after dinner. Mary had not been told why, but she hoped it was worth it for the trek she had to take to get to the professor's office. Her office was located further above the Gryffindor Tower, at one of the highest points of the castle. It differed for each professor, of where their office was. Some had theirs built into their classrooms, but McGonagall was the Head of Gryffindor House. For her, that meant that her office was located where she wanted it to be, so long as it was in the wing near Gryffindor Tower. It made it more accessible to her students that way.

Mary stood and waited as the stairs rotated her to the landing that led to the office door. She tapped the toes of her shoes intermittently on the stones. Hogwarts had a convoluted design, but for all it was worth, Mary had figured out how to get where she wanted well enough. Of course, that was only after Lily had goaded her into reading Hogwarts: A History. Hogwarts worked on patterns and timing. The castle tried to inconvenience you if you weren’t smart. Mary wasn’t one to be easily inconvenienced.

Mary knocked on the door and then stood back with her hands clasped in front of her. She had made sure her robes were smoothed down and her skirt in perfect pleats. The door creaked open on its own, marking a path for her to follow into the office. As she went in the door swung shut behind her, clicking back closed. Mary could hear the stairs outside of it moving away, stone sliding against stone.

She glanced around. It was small and cosy with a cramped hallway that led up to the bigger room. Picture frames of quidditch player after student after quidditch player. All in Gryffindor robes, all who must’ve been previously under McGonagall’s care. Each frame was a slightly different colour of wood, with red and gold etchings in them.

“Come on in, Miss Macdonald.”

Mary walked further into the room. McGonagall sat behind a mahogany desk. Her space was decorated thoroughly with Gryffindor memorabilia and colours. She had news clippings framed on the wall of various achievements of what Mary assumed to also be her former students. There was a broom mounted on the wall behind her. She didn’t have any personal photos, all of it was dedicated to her House.

“Go on, sit down.” The chair opposite McGonagall moved out on its own for Mary.

Mary sat, awkwardly fidgeting. McGonagall slid a plate toward her.

“Have a biscuit. Would you like some tea?”

“Um, yes. Please.” Mary took a biscuit from the plate.

With a flick of her fingers, a teapot flew through the air and set lightly on the desk. Two cups followed it, one sat in front of Mary, the other in front of McGonagall.

“How have you been?” McGonagall asked Mary as the teapot started steaming.

She said it with a sense of casualty. It could have been like she was having tea with an old friend, the way she said it.

“Good,” Mary answered shortly, not understanding where the conversation was headed.

“And your classes? How have they been going?”

“They’ve been fine. Fun, even. I’ve learned a lot.”

McGonagall smiled at her. Mary surmised that McGonagall liked what she was saying. Approved of it, even.

“I’ve talked to your other professors, they’ve all said you’ve been doing very well.”

“They have?” Mary lifted her eyebrows.

“Does that surprise you?”

The inquisitive expression McGonagall bore made Mary purse her lips to stop and think about it. She was no Lily, but she could keep up with her if she really wanted to.

“Well, no. The work has been fairly easy so far. It’s just… different, I guess.”

“Different from your muggle school?” McGonagall waved her hand and the tea poured itself into the cups. It steamed up through the air in swirls.

“Yes, definitely. It’s been a lot to take in.”

“But you’re adapting well enough? For most of my muggle-born students, it takes their first year or two to fully integrate into the wizarding world.”

“It’s been… I already said different, but yeah, different.”

McGonagall sat there and waited for her to go on.

“I’ve been taught a lot of new stuff, but that’s been okay so far. I like my classwork. Some of it’s weird, like, really really weird.” Mary stopped and looked up at her professor, who wore an amused expression. “Sorry, you've always had magic, you probably don’t want me going on about how weird it is.”

McGonagall regarded her quietly. She pulled her cup of tea to her lips and took a long drink out of it. Finally, she sat her cup back down on the table. She crossed her hands. She had on a large ruby ring that Mary had never noticed before. It looked to be engraved with a fancy-lettered G.

“I have not always had magic, Miss Macdonald. Not in the usual sense, anyway.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that,” Mary mumbled.

“My father is a muggle, my mother a witch. She did not tell him of her heritage until after me. We lived in a muggle town, and all of our magic had to be concealed and controlled. I wasn’t taught much either, not until I came here,” McGonagall told her.

“Oh,” Mary repeated.

“So maybe you’d like to tell me now how you’ve been adapting?” McGonagall raised her eyebrows at Mary.

Mary bit at the inside of her cheek and looked away. She was not sure she’d admitted to herself how much had changed since coming to Hogwarts. A new place with new people, and all that she knew a long way away.

“Sometimes, I miss my family so much it’s the only thing I can think about,” Mary said softly. “All I want is to go home and be around them like I used to be. And then I worry it won’t be the same when I do.”

McGonagall nodded in understanding and didn’t push Mary to say anything more.

“But then I’ll get tens of letters from my siblings all on the same day and I’m okay again. I keep going through those phases. It’s made me realise how far away I am from everything I used to know.”

“That’s understandable,” McGonagall said.

“It makes me sad to think about it, but…” Mary trailed off with a frown.

“But?” McGonagall prompted.

“But I love it here,” Mary said breathlessly. “I love Hogwarts. And magic. I love my classes and my teachers more than I ever did in my muggle school. I love my friends and… and all of it, honestly.”

A soft expression had settled on McGonagall’s face. In classes, she was always stern-faced and sharp, but now she sat in front of Mary looking at her gently. Mary felt like her heart was swelling because of it. She meant what she said and it couldn’t be more true. She had never before felt so noticed by a professor. In her muggle school, she’d been easily written off. An average student for her age, her professors didn’t put much stock into her. It had always made her feel so much smaller than she wanted to. But now it was like she could fill a room with how big the acceptance that McGonagall regarded her with made her feel.

“You are friends with Miss Evans and Miss McKinnon, yes?”

“Yeah! We met on the boats and then it turned out we were in the same dorm room.”

“Well, you are very lucky to have them as friends.”

Mary beamed, “I know.”

McGonagall went back to sipping her tea in the quiet that Mary left between them. She wasn’t sure what else McGonagall wanted to talk about. The two of them sat, drinking tea, and waiting each other out. McGonagall must have wanted to ask her something since she’d wanted her there. Or maybe she had asked Mary everything she wanted to? Either way, Mary was not going to be the one to break the silence McGonagall seemed to enjoy. Mary set her cup down when she was done with her tea. She folded her hands on her lap and kept her gaze firm with her professor’s. The woman held her eyes. She matched Mary in all ways as they sat in their little face-off. McGonagall wanted her to talk; Mary didn’t know what else she was supposed to say.

McGonagall relaxed back into her chair, “Have another biscuit, Miss Macdonald.”

Mary took one happily, “Professor, is there a reason you wanted to talk to me?”

“Knowing how it is to not especially grow up with magic, I like to make sure my muggle-born students are excelling the best they can.”

“That’s nice of you,” Mary murmured.

McGonagall acquiesced to that with a small nod.

“Am I going to have issues being here because I didn’t learn anything about magic as a kid?” Mary asked in a quiet voice.

McGonagall tilted her head back and pressed her lips together, “You might face some challenges, but that is a fact of life. You are a clever girl, Miss Macdonald. I have no doubt you will accomplish all you set out to do.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

“All the luck on your soon-to-come exams. And try to enjoy these last few months of your first year,” McGonagall encouraged her.

Mary’s chair squeaked over the floor as she stood. When she was headed back to the door set at the end of the small hallway, a slow instrumental sway of music filled the air. Mary listened as McGonagall briefly hummed along before making her way out of the office.

April 1972 - - Marlene

The sky was a deep maroon bordering on crimson with waves of clouds framing the setting sun. Marlene had watched it from the early afternoon grey to that dark, dark evening red. She had been ignoring her homework and what should have been her dinner since her last class was finished and done with. She had taken to walking around the grass of the quidditch pitch like she had done at home on the pathways of concrete. Round and round she went. She walked on the edges of the pitch and around the goalposts at a steady pace. Forever walking, forever forcing her legs to take her body one step more.

The thing was, she hadn’t slept since she’d gotten a letter from her father. She’d been at Hogwarts for almost eight months by then. Not once before had her father sent her a letter. Not at all, about anything, ever. In eight whole months. But suddenly, out of the blue, he sent one.

Worse than that was the contents of the letter. It told her her mother’s due date for the baby was predicted as one of the first days of May. May. That word scratched inside Marlene’s head. It carved itself into her in all its implications. May. How Marlene hated the month of May. May was the reason they had moved away from their old home in Ballycastle. But worse than the due date of early May, worse than the month of May itself, was that her father had written to tell her she was not expected home when the baby was born.

Dear Marlene,

Do not come home.

From,

Your Father

Okay, that is not what the letter said. It would have been easier for Marlene if it did. He actually wrote:

My daughter,

Your mother has been informed that the date of her coming baby is set to be expected in the earliest days of May. Your brothers will be in attendance. As you are currently away at Hogwarts, you should stay at the school to focus on your studies. There is no urgent need for you to leave, so it is the best decision not to.

Well wishes,

Your father

It was written on his work stationary. The stuff he kept on him to send letters to his players or other coaches. It was insulting. She was his daughter. She should not have expected that to mean to him what she thought it should mean. Simply being his daughter didn’t mean enough to him, didn’t mean as much as she wished it would.

In exceeding circumstances, students were allowed to briefly go home. Marlene thought that maybe she would have, but it had been made exceptionally clear to her through her father’s writing that that would not be happening. She might as well have been told he didn’t want her to come home. Of course, he wouldn’t want her home, not if the baby was born in May. May was the month the McKinnon family took to avoiding each other.

Furthermore, her father would not trust her to be home. That is the only thing he could have meant by ‘the best decision’. He did not mean the best decision for her or her mother. He meant the best one for him. The one that meant he would not have to look her in the eyes for another two and a half months. The one that meant they would not have to pretend for her mother's sake. But that was fine for Marlene. It meant she wouldn’t have to pretend for herself. Pretend like she was sleeping when she wasn’t. Pretend like she wanted to be around her father when she didn’t. Pretend like she could stomach being a McKinnon.

So there Marlene was, walking, walking, walking. Walking out her father’s words. Walking to tire herself. Walking to wear herself down. Walking, walking, walking.

The sun flared its red. Marlene paused by one of the goalposts. She leaned heavily against it and slid down until she hit the grass. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She stared into the red, ignoring the deep blue oceans that crept forward as waves of melancholia.

Madam Pomfrey, she thought. I promised I’d help Madam Pomfrey tonight.

Springing up from her curled position on the ground, she raced her way to the entrance to the castle. She ran the melancholy out, leaving the mangled thoughts and feelings on the pitch and letting them fester there and only there. Running, because it was what she knew. Running, because it was what she needed.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“I’m so sorry, I meant to be here earlier, but I was down on the–”

Madam Pomfrey waved her hands through the air, “Don’t worry over it. I started the potions perfectly fine on my own.”

Marlene’s shoulders slumped. Six cauldrons were set up, three on each side of the room.

“Oh, ok.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t need your help now. Get to work, missy.”

A smile cracked through ever so briefly. Leave the woe behind, she had to remind herself.

Marlene rushed over to the first cauldron to check on it. Madam Pomfrey had early on taught her spells to check the temperature, as certain potions had to be brewed so. Each was at its stable temperature, each stirring itself under the guide of Madam Pomfrey’s magic.

“What is it you’re making?” Marlene asked Pomfrey as she wandered back and forth between the cauldrons.

Madam Pomfrey waved her hand in a sweeping gesture, “You tell me. What do you think they are?”

Marlene ran over the signs of potions in her head. Two separate potions were being brewed, one a dark purple colour, the other a bloody bright red. The purple had a musky, almost tea-like smell to it. The red one was almost tangy in scent, like a plant. What plants were used in red potions? Marlene pursed her lips and wafted the scent toward her. Dittany! And dittany was used to heal cuts…

“Healing potion?” Marlene asked and twisted to look at Madam Pomfrey over her shoulder.

Madam Pomfrey nodded in assent before motioning Marlene back toward the dark purple-filled cauldron.

“Oh, that one’s easy. That is a sleeping draught,” Marlene stated pointedly.

“Good. I have to say, I am impressed with how much you know. These potions are quite above your year level.”

“I read it in one of your books,” Marlene told her.

“Do you read your textbooks as much as you do the books off my shelves?” Madam Pomfrey questioned her.

Marlene guiltily busied herself with going round to each potion and avoiding Madam Pomfrey’s eyes. Her potions textbook gave her a headache when she tried to read it. She used it for her assignments, obviously, but she found it much easier to read nonfictional works that carried some interest to her. Madam Pomfrey tended to be the one to own those works.

“Miss McKinnon,” Pomfrey warned, sounding as if she were seconds away from a lecture.

“No, I do read my textbooks, I swear!” Marlene rushed to say, trying to circumvent any sort of argument about to be bestowed on her.

Madam Pomfrey clicked her tongue with a shake of her head.

“There is a crate of bottles in the storage room, would you go and fetch those for me?” Madam Pomfrey asked.

“Course.” Marlene hopped up and made her way into the small room attached to Pomfrey’s office.

The bottles were almost yellow in colour. The glass looked to be faded, and each had scraggly letters spelling out the potions to be put in them. She carried the crates out to where Madam Pomfrey stood. The two of them got to work cooling the cauldrons and potions down to suitable temperatures and adding the final touches.

Madam Pomfrey sat on a chair she had pulled over; Marlene on the edge of one of the beds. Madam Pomfrey quickly and effortlessly used her little trick to fill the bottles with the potion. Marlene watched intently and did her best to copy the mediwitch. While Pomfrey could do it with a swipe of a hand, Marlene still had to use her wand. It was slow going but once she had it down she could do it with ease, provided she kept her eyes on it.

With Madam Pomfrey not talking the only sound was that of the wind whistling through the forest outside on the grounds. Marlene’s jaw was wired shut with tension. What she would give to be back out on the quidditch field again. Her hands shook with the repetitive motion of her wandwork. The energy buzzed underneath her skin and her back cramped from her slumped position. Her leg bounced on the ground as the amount of bottles in the crates lessened.

The very last bottle was fit back into its spot after she was done filling it. Madam Pomfrey had finished with her share of the potions first, and, having already carried hers back into the storage room, was in her office filling out a thick notebook. Marlene balanced the crates on either of her hips and made her way into the office.

“You can put those down wherever.” Madam Pomfrey instructed her.

Marlene dropped the boxes next to the others in the storage room, careful not to crush her toes as she did so. She nudged it in line with the others. She stared down at the bottles filled with the dark potion that signified the sleeping draught. Her feet were weights, pulling her to the ground to the point where she couldn’t move. She swayed and put in her best effort to steady herself. Her head swam and she crouched down by the crates. Her knees were cold and scraped on the stone floor.

She glanced toward the half-closed door. It blocked her view from seeing Madam Pomfrey, which in turn blocked Pomfrey’s view of Marlene. Her breath hitched in her chest at the idea creeping up on her.

See, Marlene was tired. Letters. Walking. Classwork. More walking. Restless nights. They’d led up to that moment where she would give in to something to make it better.

She reached for one of the glass bottles of sleeping draught. Her fingers grazed over the old glass. It was cold under her fingertips like the icy touch of the forbidden. She flinched away from it and swivelled her head back to the door. Watching it closely, she reached back for the glass bottle. She took one from the back, so maybe it would go unnoticed.

She tucked the bottle into her robes and left the storage closet. Discretely as she could, with Madam Pomfrey’s attention still divided, she slipped it into her book bag that sat on a chair. She sat down next to her bag and pulled out one of the finished books she’d borrowed from Pomfrey. She busied her shaking hands by replacing it in its spot on the bookcase.

“Why don’t you head on out for tonight, Miss McKinnon?” Madam Pomfrey said as she slid up from her desk chair.

“Oh, are you sure? I can stay and help if you need,” Marlene offered.

“There’s not much to do here right now. You should get some sleep.”

Marlene shied away at Pomfrey’s choice of words. She nodded quickly and briskly collected her bag. Madam Pomfrey followed her out of the office and into the corridor past the doors of the Hospital Wing.

“Are you sure that–”

Pomfrey held up for Marlene to stop talking.

“There isn’t anything more to help with, Miss McKinnon. And let me remind you, you don’t need to be here every night,” Madam Pomfrey spoke firmly.

“Right, of course.” Marlene didn’t utter the fact that she didn’t mind being there every day. She liked it; she wanted to be there.

“One last thing, Marlene,” Pomfrey murmured before Marlene could start her walk to Gryffindor Tower.

“Yes?” Marlene could practically hear her heartbeat spike.

Madam Pomfrey held a hand out, palm facing the ceiling. She looked solemnly serious. Her eyes never left Marlene’s, but she could feel the unspoken words.

Marlene’s knuckles turned white from where she gripped the strap of her bag. She might as well have curled in on herself at that exact moment. She withdrew the sleeping potion from her bag and passed it over to Pomfrey’s hand. Pomfrey didn’t look surprised one bit, only as if her expectations had been fulfilled.

Marlene opened her mouth to say something but found she was incapable of it. A small croaking sound escaped and she clamped her teeth together to force it away.

“Marlene,” Madam Pomfrey started softly, “have you not been sleeping as of late?”

Marlene stuttered out some incoherent string of sounds. She dropped her gaze to her shoes as her stomach clenched with nausea. Madam Pomfrey sighed deeply.

“Honey, you can talk to me. If you need something, you can tell me. That is what I’m here for, after all,” Pomfrey tried to stretch her voice into a lighthearted tone.

“I’m sorry,” Marlene whispered.

Madam Pomfrey lifted her eyebrows in wait for an explanation.

“I can’t sleep,” Marlene admitted.

“Mhm.” Madam Pomfrey gave her an up-and-down look as if what she said was obvious.

“Do I have to talk about it?” she mumbled quietly.

Pomfrey looked over Marlene in a careful manner. Marlene’s shoulders were stiff and hunched and her eyes glazed over in worry. She shuffled her feet and twisted her hands through the bottom of her skirt.

“Of course not. But if you want to, you can.”

Marlene shook her head instantly, “I don’t want to.”

“That’s fine, dear.” Pomfrey lightly set a hand on Marlene’s back and guided her back into the Hospital Wing.

Pomfrey directed Marlene to sit on the end of one of the beds and she did so with some hesitance. Pomfrey went back into her office, leaving Marlene alone and ashamed. She wrung her hands together and nervously chewed on her lip.

Bad idea. Your worst idea. What were you thinking? You’re so stupid, why would you even do that? She berated herself in her head. Her chest hitched and she bit down hard on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from losing it altogether. Although, if that night showed anything at all, it was that she already had. Stealing from Madam Pomfrey? What was she thinking!

As those thoughts ran circles around her, Madam Pomfrey came back in, holding a little vial. It couldn’t have contained more than a few drops of something. Madam Pomfrey stopped in front of her. Marlene expected a lecture, but all she got was Madam Pomfrey holding out the vial toward her.

Marlene’s forehead creased in confusion. She stared at Madam Pomfrey’s outstretched hand but made no move to grab the vial from her.

“Go on, take it,” Madam Pomfrey urged her.

Marlene did, casting a questioning glance up.

“It’s a lower dose of a weaker sleeping draught,” Madam Pomfrey explained.

“Why… why would you give me this?”

“Many students have similar issues, Miss McKinnon. It’s not uncommon.”

“No, I mean…” Marlene tripped up on her words and stopped to take a breath. “I just tried to steal from you and you’re not mad?”

It was incredulous. Surely Madam Pomfrey was at least a little angry.

“You are a good student and haven’t caused much trouble for me. So long as you promise it won’t happen again, it is fine.”

“I promise! I swear it won’t happen again!” Marlene rushed to say.

Madam Pomfrey nodded,

“And Marlene?”

Marlene grimaced at the same use of words as before. She didn’t immediately expect trouble this time, though.

“Yes?”

“If you need something, or need to talk about something, you may come to me.”

“Thank you, Madam Pomfrey.”

“Seriously this time, go on back to the Tower.” Pomfrey waved her off.

“Goodnight,” she responded quietly.

She left the Hospital Wing. It felt shameful, in a way. She wanted to run straight back to the quidditch pitch to burn off more thoughts. She could have walked right down to the pitch in a quick minute. She might have, if not for the fact that it also felt like a partial weight had been lifted off her chest. She’d tried to keep her sleeping troubles away from Mary and Lily since after the holidays. Madam Pomfrey, on the contrary, told her to talk to her if she needed to.

So instead of going to the quidditch pitch, she went to the Gryffindor Tower, and up to her dorm. She exchanged whispered goodnights with the girls and crawled into her bed.

Marlene downed the few drops of sleeping draught and lay back. She lay with her hands crossed over her chest, unsure if it would work. Her eyelids grew heavy and drooped until she finally closed them and allowed sleep to take her away.

April 1972 - - Lily

Lily took slow steps forward as her eyes flitted across the page of the book she held. It was one of the books Remus had taken from Sirius’s collection and passed on to her. She’d started on it the night before and had become entranced. Every break she had between classes she’d pulled it out and continued reading. Remus had seen her do so and hadn’t even laughed. He’d just asked what she thought about it and listened as she ranted on how good it was.

That’s what she liked about Remus, he didn’t judge. He didn’t laugh when she had her head stuck in a book even when she only had a few minutes to spare. She had to say that that was what she liked about him.

Lily had not spent much time around Severus since what had gone down with him and the girls. In the space where she missed him, she’d filled it with the book exchange she and Remus had started. A book she knew and liked would be switched with one he knew and liked. They’d read each other's books and talk about them over cups of tea.

Lily had noticed that there were days when Remus struggled. They’d be walking up the stairs and he'd have to stop halfway. He’d clutch his hip and take a few deep breaths before he was able to go on. Lily had wanted to ask him about it but could see he didn’t want anyone to do exactly that. She thought maybe instead Marlene would know something. She was in the Hospital Wing often enough to see people come and go. Remus seemed sick enough sometimes that he had to end up there eventually.

Those were usually the days when Lily would offer up a new book or a cup of tea to talk about an old one.

It’s what she’d done a few days prior and it’s how she’d ended up with the book currently in her hands. She’d meant to walk herself to the library, or maybe her dorm to sit down and keep reading but somewhere she’d taken a wrong turn and just kept on walking. She’d committed herself to it now, so she kept going, slowly wandering the halls as she turned page after page.

She got herself so lost that she had to stop and close her book just to take a look around. She was at a dead end, with a portrait of fruit on her right side and stacks of barrels to her left. She looked side and side and then back the way she came. She’d never been on this side of the castle before.

The barrels next to her slid apart. She jumped back and stared wide-eyed as a girl walked out of them. The girl wore Hufflepuff robes. She smiled at Lily all sweetly. She turned to a portrait of fruit and promptly tickled the pear in the bowl of fruit. The portrait swung open.

There were certain things Lily would never understand about magic, such as the wayward ways in which things often worked. Why would the act of tickling one of the painted fruits make the portrait open? She would never know.

The girl stepped inside and then poked her head out again.

“Were you wanting in?” She asked Lily.

Lily didn’t know how to answer that, given that she didn’t know where it led. So instead she shook her head yes and followed the girl in.

The girl looked over her shoulder, hair spilling across her back as she said to Lily,

“You’ve never been here, huh?”

“Uh, no. I haven’t.”

“Welcome to the kitchens, then,” the girl grinned back at her.

She disappeared and left Lily standing at the entrance. House elves darted around, some working, some not. Lily had read about them in books, but she’d yet to see one in person. She didn’t have much clue outside of what she’d read about what they did there at Hogwarts. One house elf in particular stood over trays upon trays of cupcakes. They were decorated in house colours, the elf meticulously perfecting each as he went along. Lily watched quietly from where she stood.

Lily liked to bake. Used to so often, when she was home. She’d find a new recipe – usually one of her grandma’s that she found in a tucked-away box. She’d make it, sometimes with her mum or dad’s help, then rush to her sister to have her try it.

The elf noticed her. Watched her back. He didn’t say a word, so neither did she. He had big eyes that could have been unnerving and ears that drooped downwards. He picked up a cupcake from the tray – one with red icing – and held it out to her. She pointed to herself as if anyone else was around. The little elf grinned and in the blink of an eye, he was right in front of her. He had snapped out and into existence right before her, then held the cupcake out again for her. Lily took it carefully.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Gryffindor girl should try it before thanking Wigby,” the elf said in a quite serious manner.

Lily bit into the cupcake. The house elf, Wigby, she assumed his name was, stood patiently and expectantly. After Lily took that first bite, she finished the cupcake in only a few more. She nodded in approval and the elf broke out in a smile.

“Wigby is glad Gryffindor girl is liking it.” He teleported back over to his pans of cupcakes and got back to work.

Lily wandered toward him,

“Did you make those?” she asked the elf.

“Yes, Wigby did make them.” The cupcakes flew from the pans and lined themselves on the trays. “Wigby is Dessert Master.”

“Dessert Master?” Lily asked.

“Wigby has the job of Dessert Master. Wigby makes all desserts.”

“Do all the house elves here have jobs?”

“Most has a job. Only Wigby has Dessert Master job.”

“Well, you are quite good at it.”

“Wigby thanks Miss Gryffindor girl,” he said somewhat bashfully.

“My name is Lily,” she tells him.

“Wigby thanks Miss Lily.”

“No need to thank me, it's just the truth.”

Wigby gave her a look as if he could not understand, “If Miss Lily is saying so.”

Lily glanced around the kitchen and Wigby busied himself by his trays of cupcakes. It wasn’t only kitchens, there were huge wooden tables and a large fireplace in the back of the room. House elves darted around here and there. It was a warm space. Lily wondered how many students knew how to get into it. She wondered if she would have ever figured it out if not for her stroke of luck.

Wigby held out a tray of cupcakes, “Wigby must be getting to working, Miss Lily must take some.”

Lily took two of the cupcakes off the tray. The house elf frowned up at her.

“Isn’t Miss Lily wanting any more?”

“Oh, no thank you Wigby, I only need two.”

“If Miss Lily is sure.” He turned back to the ovens and counter and went back to baking.

She was sure. She knew exactly who she wanted to give it to as well. It’s why she took one with red icing, but the other with green.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Severus?”

“Lily,” he said in sheer surprise.

He looked up at her with wide eyes. Staring down at him, the thought occurred to her how much kinder he seemed when no one else was around to know. Only for her, he seemed to soften. It made her stomach squirm. He’d never acted differently around others before Hogwarts; he had never seemed to need to soften before. Then again, he had never seemed mean before.

She held out the cupcake with green icing, “Here.”

He stared at her outstretched hand with his brows furrowed in question.

“It’s a cupcake, Sev, you can take it.”

He did so in a way where he avoided bumping her fingers and wouldn’t look her in the eyes. Lily sat down next to him and waited for him to finally look up again. Why did he refuse to see her? He always wanted to before.

She hated thinking of it in those terms. ‘Before’ was a word too often used in the vocabulary of her own thoughts. There shouldn’t have been a ‘before Hogwarts’ and ‘after Hogwarts’, but there was, and ignoring it was doing her no good.

“Severus.” She’d spoken his name time and time again and now it was bitter on the tip of her tongue.

“What, Lily? What do you want?” he practically snapped at her.

For this to be normal again, she thought.

“For you to talk to me! How hard can that be for you?” She meant the words to be as harsh as his but they lacked the vitriol for it.

I’m too sincere to hurt, she thought.

“I’m not incapable of talking to you, Lily.”

Then where have you been, she thought.

“Then say something!”

“I don’t know what you want me to say!”

“Anything,” she shrieked as she threw her hands in the air. “An acknowledgment, something, anything. You have to know that I don’t like what you said to my friends. You have to know that even though they’re my friends, you are too. Except you act like you don’t know.”

“Because I don’t,” he said, rather bluntly. “And I don’t think you understand either.”

“Then explain it to me!” They were both standing by that point, exasperated and unnerved.

“You are my only friend. I don’t like the other Slytherins and no one else likes me.” A pleading tone filled his voice. “But you made friends immediately.”

He stopped there. Lily could have thought he had more to say but he only clenched his jaw shut and tried to keep a desperate look off his face.

“It took me two months to make those friends. And we all shared a room, which meant half of that we spent avoiding each other on purpose. They didn’t suddenly like me. I'm pretty sure they thought I was a little annoying at first, and there are so many people who still do.”

He didn’t react much to that.

“What I’m trying to say is that you can’t expect something right away. And for the record, I like you just fine.”

“You’re different,” he muttered under his breath.

“No, Severus, I’m not. Yes, it was easier when we were eight to meet one day and be best friends the next. But look around. We’re standing in the middle of a school for magic and I’m a witch, so things change.”

He stood in front of her sullenly with his arms crossed.

“You’re too smart for a twelve-year-old.”

“And you sulk too much for a twelve-year-old,” she shot back.

“I do not sulk.”

“You do, Severus. You do. Lighten up a little.”

“Says the girl who wouldn't be able to put her textbook down to save her life.”

Lily’s jaw dropped open. She gaped at Severus, who only seemed to be half joking.

“How dare you! Are you calling me uptight?” she shrieked, only half joking herself, maybe even egging him on at that point just to draw a smile out of him that she knew would eventually show.

“I mean for a twelve-year-old–”

Lily knocked her shoulder into his with a scoff.

“Sit down and eat your cupcake,” she said in a jokingly scolding voice.

He did, eventually. She sat beside him, her skirt fanned around her legs. She watched her shoes intently. The shiny black toes had become scuffed up and lacked the brand-new look they had had at the beginning of the school year.

“I’m sorry for what I said to your friends,” he told her.

She thought his apology would have an underlying sense of sarcasm, but if anything, all she heard was a tinge of regret.

“I want you to apologise to them.”

His eyes went wide, “But, Lily–”

“No ‘but Lily’. I mean it, Sev. You don’t have to do it right now, but it wasn’t me you were mean to.”

He cringed away when she said that. She ignored the gut-pulling feeling that said he didn’t want to hold himself accountable. He proved her right only a second later.

“I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

“You called Marlene incompetent. It hardly felt accidental.”

Lily stared back down at the scratched and scuffed toes of her shoes. She didn’t see he was watching her watch the ground. He nudged her foot with his until she finally did look up at him.

“I’ll apologise. I promise.”

“Thank you,” she said barely above a whisper.

They didn’t speak about that ever again, and they neither talked about studying as a group either. Severus never told her if or when he did apologise. Mary nor Marlene ever brought it up to her. Perhaps he had considered it and decided not to go through with it. Perhaps he had apologised but never had the courage to tell her he did. That would not explain why Marlene or Mary never brought it up, but they never did like talking about Severus in the first place.

There would be a day, years from that one when Lily would be stuck in a house unable to leave. She would have all the time in the world to think as she was not allowed to be anywhere but that house. She would turn over memories round and round in her head until it drove her crazy, but there wouldn’t be much else to do. She would remember that moment and find it funny she had dropped the matter so quickly. It was maybe even a little naive of her, to so thoroughly believe in someone who’d come to use that trust to make her think he wanted nothing to do with her.

April 1972 - - Dorcas

The owls glided down from the ceiling to the four House tables with their wings spread wide. They dropped downward once they found their designated person. One of the owlery owls with speckled colours and a mix of brown feathers swooped and landed next to Dorcas’s cup. Two letters were tied to its leg along with two small packages. She took the letters gratefully as she stroked a finger over the owl's head.

She flipped the letters open. One was from her parents, one was from her sister. The owl pecked insistently at her fingers. She yanked them away. The owl stared her dead in the eyes, unblinking and unmoving. She rolled hers at it and forked over a few pieces of food from her breakfast. It flew off, hooting happily as it went.

Mary tore into her parents’ letter, leaving the envelope jagged and pulling out the folded parchment inside. She opened it up and read.

Dorcas,

Happy birthday ma fille chérie! Your mother and I are sorry to miss it since you’re at school, but we have sent along your gift. We will celebrate as soon as you get back. We both hope you have the best day!

Mum and Dad

Dorcas smiled at the letter. It was so obviously written by her father, but she could picture her mother flitting around as he wrote it and telling him what to say. Beyond that, it was short and sweet, the only way her father liked to write. He preferred spoken words over written ones. She did not doubt in her mind that the second she got home he’d start up an endless train of thoughts he hadn’t been able to voice without her around. She could already picture the look on her mother’s face, the same one she was given when Dorcas was home briefly for the holidays. It was something she admired about him, his infallible sense of joy he shared with his family.

Dorcas opened her sister’s letter next. Her letter was longer, the writing more scribbled rather than perfected.

Happy birthday Dorcas! Here I am missing yet another, but I hear we are celebrating when we all end up back home. I want to hear everything when I get back. I’m sorry I wasn’t home for the holidays, work got busy so I had to stay even though I had planned to surprise you by coming home. Mum told me you’re doing well in school but I still want to hear every detail. It’s your first year, you must have a lot to tell. And even if you don’t, I want to hear about it anyway. I swear I will be home to see you as soon as I can. Until then, happy birthday and I’m sending you my best wishes on your exams. You’ll do great.

Love,

Caimile

Dorcas folded the letters back up into their envelopes. Both her parents and sister had mentioned how ‘soon’ they’d all be together again, but that was still over two months away. Yes, she’d seen her parents not too long ago, but she hadn’t gotten to see her sister in just about eight months. Caimile was away, working at the Uagadou School of Magic. Uagadou was the school Dorcas and Caimile’s mother went to. It was somewhere in Uganda, in a place called the Mountains of the Moon. Caimile had started working there fresh out of graduating from Hogwarts. That meant for the past three years, Caimile was gone for the full school years and only back for summers.

Caimile had grown up where their mother did, in Nigeria, and Dorcas had a sneaking suspicion she liked it better there than she liked it in England. She’d wanted to go to school at Uagadou but had to go to Hogwarts. A Hufflepuff, unlike Dorcas. It wasn’t a surprise that she went to Uagadou once she could.

“What’s that?” Pandora asked from behind Dorcas.

Pandora set her chin down on Dorcas’s shoulder. Dorcas glanced at her sideways.

“Letters from my family, and gifts.”

“What for?”

“My birthday.”

“Your birthday?” Pandora pulled away to stare at Dorcas. “Why did you not say anything?”

“Don’t worry about it, Pandora.”

“I will worry about whatever I wish. And I will also be throwing you a party now I know.” Pandora got up from her table with a gleam in her eyes.

“No, you will not be doing that,” Dorcas chided.

“Oh, nothing crazy.” Pandora waved her hand through the air.

“Pandora, please.”

“Too late! I’m already planning!” Pandora started walking off before spinning back around.

Pandora grabbed Dorcas by the shoulders and shook her slightly.

“Happy birthday!” she might as well have shouted in Dorcas’s ear.

Pandora bounded off to who knew where. Dorcas watched her go, a fond smile on her face. Whatever was coming her way, courtesy of Pandora, well she’d know it when she saw it.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Dorcas stuffed the letters from her family under her pillows. She dragged the packages across her duvet and brought them up into her lap. She unravelled the twine around her parent’s present. The contents spilled out and tumbled across her bed. There was a package of quills, which were labelled as not needing ink. Dorcas grinned. It was probably her mum’s idea, who knew just how much ink Doras seemed to go through. It was a good thing too, she kept having to steal Pandora’s. There was also a set of earrings. They were a brassy silver colour made up of twisted metal. They were shaped as little half moons, with stars dangling from the tops. Swirls of metal were bent into the inner part of the moons. They were handmade with meticulous effort and detail. Her dad’s idea and creation.

Dorcas carefully set the items aside to open her sister’s gift. Sitting on top was a postcard of Caimile on the edge of a mountain cliff. Written over the postcard was: Love from Uagadou! in large swoopy letters. Tucked underneath the postcard was a silky green hair scarf trimmed with silver. It was identical to a scarf Caimile used to wear, except for the change in colours. Caimile’s was yellow trimmed with black.

Dorcas grabbed the earrings and headed to the bathroom with them and the scarf in hand. She stood in front of the mirror and tied her hair up into the scarf how she had so often seen her sister wear it. She tied it tightly at the nape of her neck so it wouldn’t slip. She put in the earrings her dad had made for her. They caught the light beautifully.

A knock sounded from the door. Dorcas headed to it in mild confusion. None of her roommates would knock, and there was no way Pandora could have gotten into the Slytherin Dungeons on her own.

The second she opened the door Emma had hold of her and was dragging her away from her dorm. Dorcas scrambled to pull the door closed behind her.

“Where are we going?” Dorcas asked with a lilt of a laugh in her voice.

“It’s a surprise,” Emma beamed, relentlessly tugging her along.

“This is Pandora’s doing, isn’t it?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

Emma flashed her a wide grin, “I guess you’ll see.”

Emma pulled Dorcas along all the way through the Slytherin common room, out of the dungeons, and outside to the grounds. People cast them sideways looks in the common room, but only for split seconds. Dorcas had learned by then that Emma was widely known for her presence on the quidditch team. Many contested her being on the team, but she took it all in stride. She brushed it all off and kept walking like it meant nothing to her. A half-worried thought crossed Dorcas’s mind that that would have to be her next year if she wanted to join the team.

“Almost there,” Emma sang as they traipsed down a path to the lake.

Emma covered Dorcas’s eyes as they got even closer, tugging her forward with a quick skip in her step. Dorcas stumbled along until Emma finally – abruptly – stopped. Emma’s hand flew away from Dorcas’s eyes.

Pops of green and silver smoke went off in front of her. Pandora jumped straight up in the air, taking Sybill with her. In tandem with Emma and Amelia, who stood next to the over-enthusiastic Pandora, they shouted,

“Happy birthday!”

Trays and baskets of food sat atop a blanket spread across the grass. Desserts were stacked high, all decorated in the Slytherin colours. From the tree branches that cast shade down on them hung a sign that read ‘Happy Birthday Dorcas’.

“Admittedly, you did not give me much time to work with,” Pandora told her when she noticed Dorcas scanning the picnic they had laid out. “And then I realised I don’t know your favourite colour, so I had to improvise.”

Dorcas cut her off by rushing in to hug her.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Pandora squeezed her back tightly, rocking slightly on her toes as she did. Dorcas, who up until that point had only thought of the family she was without, was all too grateful for her friends. She clung a little tighter to Pandora, who didn’t say a word about it and held on with equal force. Pandora also let her pull away first.

“Okay, come on I want to see what you brought.” They sat and Amelia started listing all she’d managed to scrounge up from the kitchens.

They ate as much as they could, and Dorcas was full and happy and beaming. They sat laughing and talking the day away. Dorcas could have been doing schoolwork, maybe should have been, a thought that consumed her almost always. But for once she was having fun, and for once, that was enough and she did not feel the need like an extra pulse to be doing more.

Later, Sybill held out a plant to Dorcas.

“For you.” Was the only explanation she offered up.

Dorcas took it and held it with gentle hands. It was small in a big pot, the edges of the plant bud just barely peeking open. A birthday gift, Dorcas assumed. It was sweet, coming from Sybill. Dorcas thanked her, and Sybill nodded as if that was that and her part was done.

Later, they raced on brooms. Emma had brought them beforehand. It was mostly Dorcas against Emma – they were the only two of the group who enjoyed it. At breakneck speed, they flew right above the water of the lake. The bottoms of Dorcas’s robes were soaked by the time they finished, but neither girl had beaten the other and so a rematch was demanded. That went on until Pandora asked Dorcas to fly her around. Pandora wasn’t exactly handy with a broom but enjoyed the wind on her face, or so she informed them. Amelia joined Emma on her broom. Sybill downright refused to have her feet leave the ground, so she stayed on land watching from afar. They took a few loops around with Sybill waving at them every chance she got.

Later, the other girls had left and Dorcas and Pandora were alone. Dorcas asked,

“When’s your birthday?”

“October twenty-third,” Pandora responded.

Dorcas hadn’t ever had someone’s birthday to remember before, apart from family. She vowed to herself to never forget it.

The two of them sat with their backs to the tree. The sun had crested its highest point in the sky and was steadily headed down. They weren’t talking anymore. Pandora had her head rested back as she hummed lightly. Dorcas sat, unwillingly letting her thoughts do their catching up. She had transfiguration… potions… maybe something for charms she should be doing.

Pandora lightly tapped the back of her hand against Dorcas’s cheek, “Shush.”

“Shush? I didn’t say anything,” she said incredulously.

“I meant to shush your thoughts. You had your thinking face on.”

“My thinking face?”

“Yeah, the one that means you are overdoing it in there.” Pandora tapped Dorcas’s forehead.

Dorcas could only stare at her because it wasn’t as if she was wrong.

“Do you ever feel as if you’re not doing enough?” Dorcas asked her.

“I cannot say I do. You feel like that?”

“Yeah, I do. Is that bad?”

Pandora shrugged, “We are only first years. You don’t need to push yourself. We’re still beginning, which is okay.”

“Is it?” That might be a stupid question, but Pandora would never make her feel like it if it was.

“Nobody starts at the end. Perhaps where you are now is just where you need to be.”

“But what if it’s not? And what if no one else can understand that?”

“What if?” There was a dangerous gleam in Pandora’s eyes as she said this.

Dorcas looked back, a wholly different emotion shining back.

“Even if, I’ll still be here. There are bunches of people who don’t understand me,” Pandora said with pride. “Sometimes you just need to find the one who does.”

Pandora stared her down. It was like she was nonverbally trying to make Dorcas understand her. She didn’t need to, Dorcas already did. Just like how Pandora understood her. And even if some parts of Dorcas didn’t make sense to Pandora, she’d still be there. Unwaveringly, with or without understanding.

Chapter Text

May 1972 - - Marlene

On the fifth of May, Marlene woke up to the news that her mum had had her baby. That letter did not come from her father but from her eldest brother, Magnus. He was the one who had the courtesy to send a letter as well as a photo. In the photo, her mother was worn and ragged but held Marlene’s new sibling with a small smile.

A boy. They named him Miles.

Lily and Mary were excited for her when she told them the news, though hesitant to show it. It might have been her fault, what with how she acted after the winter holidays when Peter brought the topic up. She was fine though. Sure, she’d only slept recently with the help of a sleeping draught, and she might have been a bit behind on her work. All those things could be fixed or would fix themselves. Time was the repairman to all her issues.

James took a more worried approach when she told him. Unlike the girls who let her tell them with some caution, James outright asked her if she was bothered by the event. She laughed at him – with too much conviction - and told him to lighten up. James had this way of looking at people with complete and true honesty. She couldn’t reflect that back and it made her stomach squirm. For the next few days after that, she went out of her way to ignore him.

Peter was the only one who made her feel relaxed enough – even by a little – to think about wanting to go meet her new little brother. He started telling her that his mum had written and told him she was making a blanket for the baby. He also started on how his mum seemed determined to cook for the McKinnon’s as much as she possibly could. Hearing that helped ease the tension from Marlene’s bones. It meant someone was still there taking care of them and making sure her brothers and mum were okay.

Only four days later, on May ninth, was when it all went up in flames. She expected it, it wasn’t unforeseen, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like she was burning from the inside. For Marlene, the beginning of May were disastrous days that hung over Marlene’s very existence. At the young age of eleven years old, May made her hate herself enough to want to let her body burn up.

She did not sleep. Not that night. Her heart ached and seared a hole into her chest. If it was possible, she would have rotted in bed all day. She would have let herself lay there until the skin crumbled off her skeleton and she had no blood left to relate her back to her family. But that would have meant not moving until her death, so she dragged herself up instead.

Her feet hit the ground and her knees were weak but still she stood. It was earlier than she often got up but still she persisted. If she could just get the day over with, then she was fine.

It wasn’t cold out, but she was anyway, so she wrapped herself in her jumper and her robes. It didn’t help but she could pretend.

Marlene made it to the Great Hall and her normal spot at the table. She stared at her seat, hoping if she sat she’d be able to get up once again. She dropped down into it eventually, because it would be a gamble either way. She slid the plate that sat in front of her away and let her head fall onto the table. She crossed her arms over her face and shut her eyes tight. She should have stayed in bed.

She doesn’t know how long she sat there like that until someone nudged her and quietly asked,

“Marlene?”

Marlene cracked her eyes open and lifted her head off the table. James was there, looking at her with that honest face of his. Vaguely, Marlene realised the other boys were sitting somewhere behind where James stood. Peter was the only other of them who regarded her with concern. He knew, and James knew, and she should have known one of them would feel compelled to talk to her.

“Hey there,” James said. “How are you?”

Marlene made no move to answer him. He knew how she was. She didn’t know why he bothered to ask. He sat down next to her, still looking, still too honest. He nudged her shoulder again to coax a response from her.

“What?” she snapped, sounding more tired than angry.

“I asked: how are you?”

Marlene tucked her head back into her arms, “How d’you think?” she asked in a mumble.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“It’s just another day, James,” Marlene said quietly.

He sighed loudly in obvious disagreement. He’d never come out with it and say he disagreed with her on that, but she knew he did. She knew he was thinking this was the day to walk on eggshells around Marlene. She knew that maybe that was how he cared and that he genuinely wanted to make sure she was okay. This truth rattled her when all she was used to was cooping herself up in her room on this day and pretending nothing mattered about it.

“Please don’t,” she said when she saw him opening his mouth to say more.

James persisted, “I think you should go to the Hospital Wing.”

“I’m not sick,” she snapped back.

“You don’t look very well, and I’m sure if you explained to Madam Pomfrey why, then she would–”

“No.”

“But Marlene–”

“No,” her voice shook.

James threw his hands up in the air and cast a look of help back at Peter. He edged closer but didn’t say anything. Marlene ignored the way Sirius whispered to James, “What’s up with her?” Thankfully, he went on to be ignored by James, too.

“Look, Marlene,” James started.

She didn’t catch any of the rest of his sentence. She caught sight of Mary and Lily coming into the Great Hall, happy and laughing together. If they saw her in the state she was they’d be worried, more so than James and Peter. She didn’t want to worry them. Marlene shot up out of her seat to the complete surprise of James. He broke off from the speech he was giving that she had listened to no part of.

“I think I do want to go to the Hospital Wing,” she rushed her words.

“Great! I’ll walk you.”

Knowing she had no chance of him letting her go on her own, she dropped it and allowed him to come with her. In doing so, she walked straight past her girls with her head ducked and James following her every step. The two of them stopped, Mary even called out, and Marlene didn’t cast one look at them. They didn’t need to deal with her. She didn’t even want James to deal with her; she only let him because he insisted so much.

As they walked, Marlene could not help but notice James’s eyes trained straight on her. You’d think he thought if he stopped looking at her for even a split second she’d disappear or something.

“It’s not polite to stare,” she muttered. “Your mum should’ve taught you that.”

“My mum has taught me a lot,” James agreed. “Like to care for my friends.”

“Yeah, I bet she did.”

Euphemia Potter was the epitome of everything Marlene ever had the impression a mum should be. She loved her son fiercely with the kind of compassion Marlene envied.

“My mum would want me to make sure you’re okay.”

“For the love of god, James!” Marlene spun around to face him with a desperate look on her face.

There it was again, that burning and aching in her chest. Her lungs were filled with ash and her chest constricted with the weight of it. She was too hot, but shivering all the same.

“Why are you so determined to not leave me alone?”

“I promised my mum I’d be here for you.”

“Why?” she pleaded with him.

“Today is the anniversary of your sister passing away,” he whispered ever so softly. “Of course I’m going to be here.”

Lovely, blunt James. James, who would’ve followed her around asking her how she was even if he hadn’t promised his mum. James, who would also wholeheartedly fulfil what he promised his mum just because it was her asking. Marlene really tried to ignore how much more Euphemia Potter cared for her than her own father did.

She’d only known the Potters for a few years but they’d always been there for her and her family. Amid devastation, Euphemia Potter had taken little eight-year-old Marlene’s hand and asked her to go on walks with her. Euphemia would lead her away from the wailing sobs that filled the McKinnon home. She was a sanctuary of warmth in those few weeks after the accident and their move.

Marlene didn’t say a word back to James. She knew he didn’t expect her to. He’d known her long enough since the incident to know she didn’t talk about it. He was there too, after all. James used to tag along with Marlene and Euphemia, running around beside them, often dragging Peter along. James was the first person to make Marlene smile afterward. He had been the first person she met after they left Ballycastle. He’d seen her on her own sitting on her front lawn and had gone home to tell his mother about her. The Potters had appeared soon after to greet new neighbours, quickly learning of their situation, and hadn’t left since.

She turned and shuffled onto the Hospital Wing. James followed dutifully behind. Her fingers twitched from the memory of Euphemia holding her hand tight when she was a little kid. Marlene thought of Lily, who seemed to have the same gut reaction that Euphemia did, to hold the hand of someone struggling and grip tight enough it was like she’d never let go.

Marlene’s stomach flipped upside down. She’d walked straight past Lily and Mary in the Great Hall. Forget not wanting to worry them with her troubles, she probably already had.

James lightly snagged her elbow, bringing her to a stop. She’d just about walked past the Hospital Wing. She could feel the rising panic stuck in her throat.

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” she told James.

He took her hand in place of Euphemia’s and Lily’s and pulled her into the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey was there in the entryway and in front of them almost instantly.

“Miss McKinnon. Mister Potter. How can I help you?”

“Marlene’s not feeling well. Could she lay down here for a while?”

Marlene wished she could have told him she was grateful he was there, but she feared if she opened her mouth her guts would end up all over the floor.

Madam Pomfrey waved a hand toward the bed they were closest to. James tugged her over to it with their hands still intertwined. She sat on top of the sheets and leaned back on the pillows and metal headboard. She’d made up this very bed just the day before.

James sat by her knees. He had his legs folded up to his chest and his chin resting on top with his eyes closed behind his glasses. Both their hands stretched across her lap as they loosely hung on to each other. James looked tired, but it was nothing compared to how Marlene felt.

She should’ve been on the brink of exhaustion. The only reprieve she had gotten was the sleeping draught a few weeks beforehand. She’d refused to ask for any more after, but at least her dire need for sleep had dimmed. The thing was, she didn’t want to close her eyes and drift away. It would mean dreaming.

Three years. Her little sister had been dead for three years. May ninth of 1969 was one of the worst days of Marlene’s life to date. Marlene had been eight, her sister only six. If she was still alive she would have been nine years old. If she was still alive she would have joined Marlene at school in 1974. If she was still alive they would still live in Ballycastle, driving distance from their mamó.

Her mamó was a muggle, and Marlene’s mum’s mum. She had never been a very big fan of magic and its many uses. She’d insist if her grandkids were to visit they’d do it in a normal way. Marlene remembered almost every drive they ever took up to her mamó’s house. She remembered the last one more than most.

“Mister Potter, you need to get going. Class starts soon,” Madam Pomfrey reminded him.

James opened his eyes and dropped his feet off the bed. He squeezed her hand once more and looked regrettable that he had to let go of it. He waved goodbye before he left, but then he was gone, and it was just Marlene and Madam Pomfrey. Usually, that was perfectly fine for Marlene, except usually, she wasn’t the one lying on the Hospital Wing bed.

Madam Pomfrey only came over to press her hand over Marlene’s forehead. She waved her wand in one quick motion. A wave of warmth settled on her skin and her shivering stuttered to a stop. She might’ve found some way to relax under the spell if only her muscles weren’t strung tight in her upright position.

What came next was a revolving world that circled Marlene, yet left her be. Madam Pomfrey did not approach her again. Some kids came in after a fight with an odd variety of magical injuries. Professors were in and out often. Students just as much. James brought her a meal from the Great Hall halfway through the day along with a stack of assignments. She didn’t eat it and she left the papers where he set them. It all kept going on around her. That was the thing, no matter what happened to you, nobody else stops. For many minutes she sat and told herself to get up, move, and stop sitting there. Her back was tinged with pain from staying in relatively the same spot. Her chin drooped down to her chest. It was the turning of the tides. Her body was finally catching up and she wasn’t ready.

Numbness was fleeting and pain was what pursued it.

To lose a sibling was to lose a part of what made you whole. There was a picture of Marlene somewhere holding her baby sister mere hours after she had been born. They were both so little in the picture, so young. And so goddamn unsuspecting. No one tells you when you’re about to be ripped apart. There was no warning signal for her. There was only the tearing and searing ache when it happened.

Marlene had found that once her sister was gone, there was no one else in the world who could stitch her back up. Maybe a few could hold her together, but it was still a weight she’d bear no matter what.

Madam Pomfrey didn’t know it, but she was one of those people for Marlene and would be for a long time. She had extended a hand of recovery and a way for Marlene to grow past those bad experiences that had shaped her. Twice Marlene had sat in a hospital, alone and scared, with nowhere to go and no way to help. Madam Pomfrey would be the one to teach Marlene out of her helplessness. Once out of school, Marlene would spend most of her days in a hospital, comforting and helping and doing all the things she couldn’t before. She owed it all to Madam Pomfrey.

“Miss McKinnon?”

It had gotten late, with dusk settling just outside the windows of the Hospital Wing. Marlene’s eyes drifted off the forest outside over to Pomfrey.

“Would you like something to eat?”

Marlene’s gaze slid back over to the trees lit up from the sky. She shrugged her shoulders apathetically and gave a tiny shake of her head.

“Mister Potter said you weren’t feeling well?”

There was a question there, Marlene knew.

“Why don’t you tell me how you are? That way I won’t have to listen to Mister Potter going on again. He’s been here between every class of his.”

“He talked to you?” Marlene whispered under her breath.

“Just about five times over. Not that I could get a coherent explanation of what the matter is.”

“So he didn’t… tell you anything?”

“Is there something to tell me?”

“No,” she mumbled.

She bit at the same spot on her lip over and over. She picked at the cuticle on her thumb. And most of all, she vehemently stared down at her lap with no intention to look anywhere else.

Madam Pomfrey patted Marlene’s knee in a gentle motion. She stood to finally walk away when it was obvious Marlene had gone unresponsive. That was the moment Marlene reached out. Her fingers snagged on the fabric of Pomfrey’s skirt, like a little kid reaching for a mother.

Pomfrey paused at the foot of the bed Marlene lay on. Marlene snatched her hand away with a hint of guilt. Pomfrey did not sit. She did not want to cross the boundaries of Marlene's comfort. She clasped her hands in front of her and patiently waited.

“My sister died.” Feeling that wasn’t enough, Marlene added, “Three years ago as of today.”

A noise punched out of Madam Pomfrey that sounded something like “Oh my”.

“It puts me a little out of sorts, is all,” Marlene said with a hint of a laugh in her voice.

The laugh grew and boiled up out of her chest. Her ribs felt sharp and cutting against her aching sides that trembled with laughter. She pressed a hand on her chest and sucked in a deep breath. It sent her into a wave of hysterics where tears tipped off her bottom lashes and soaked her face. She pushed her hand harder into her chest like she was trying to smother the sobs.

An eleven-year-old girl should not know what it felt like to cry that much, but things ought to not go the way they should.

Madam Pomfrey perched on the edge of the bed and ran a comforting hand up and down her back as she continued to cry. Marlene pressed her hands over her eyes as her breath hiccuped in her chest. She folded toward her knees and rocked back and forth on the bed until the weeping faltered to an eventual stop. She stilled and wiped the tears off her cheeks. The mattress shifted as Pomfrey left her side momentarily. She came back with a few things in hand: an extra pillow and a potion.

Pomfrey set the potion on the table next to the bed and the pillow behind Marlene’s back. The act reminded Marlene of Euphemia.

“Is there anything I can do for you? Someone I can contact?”

“I wish my brother was here,” Marlene said in an almost whine of a voice.

Her head shot up from her knees after the realisation of her statement. Her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot.

“But you don’t have to go get him! I–I don’t need to bother him,” she said desperately.

“Alright.” Madam Pomfrey seemed to consider it. “Anybody else, then?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll find James or Peter later.”

“If you are sure.”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.”

“Or you could talk to me if that would help.”

“Oh I don’t want to bother you with that,” Marlene said quickly.

It might have been almost disturbing how fast Marlene could go from weeping to presentably fine. Madam Pomfrey had seen a lot in her career as a mediwitch and would go on to see much more. Distraught children were all too common in the next years, as family members were lost on the daily. But Marlene had not lost her sister in the midst of a war where everyone already knew grief, so to say Madam Pomfrey was concerned would have been an understatement.

“I promise you, you are not a bother.”

“Well, okay,” Marlene mulled it over.

“I think I would like to talk to Mary and Lily, but I’m not sure what I’d say. It’s why it’s easier for James and Peter to be around, besides my brother,” she started with some melancholy.

“That’s understandable.”

“Have you ever seen someone die?” Marlene asked it as if the complete topic change were normal.

She stared up at Madam Pomfrey with eyes shining over in a layer of tears. She never wavered, not even as they slipped down her cheeks. She was quiet and unsettling and a kid asking a question she should not have been.

“Yes I have,” Madam Pomfrey answered truthfully.

“Have you ever saved someone from dying?”

“Yes, I believe I have.”

“I haven’t. Or… couldn’t,” Marlene said with some despair. She then clarified, “Save someone, that is. I believe I saw her die.”

She said it as such like she did not quite know – or remember – whether it happened that way or not. She didn’t, really. A combination of how young she was and how terrifying it was meant her mind became muddled when she thought about it. There were a few more reasons a fog settled over her when her sister came to mind, but it was not the day to acknowledge that.

“You are young,” Madam Pomfrey lamented. “You should not need to worry over such things.”

Marlene’s sorrowful eyes told Pomfrey everything she could already tell: that even if she was too young for it, she already knew it.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Marlene wasn’t crying anymore but she still accepted a hug from Madam Pomfrey gratefully.

“You are welcome to stay here as long as you need,” Pomfrey told her.

“Thank you,” Marlene mumbled.

“Of course, dear. There is a sleeping draught for you, in case you feel you need it.”

Marlene glanced over at where the potion sat on the bedside table. She nodded slowly, already knowing there wasn’t a chance in the world of her taking it. Madam Pomfrey kept her worry to herself until she was out of sight of Marlene. Even then, Marlene still could guess what she was thinking. She had learned that most people thought the same thing toward and of her: pity. Downright pity for the girl who survived where her sister did not. The Potters were the exception, but they were the exception to most trivial matters.

Marlene lay on that bed until she heard the telltale signs of Madam Pomfrey being done for the night. She waited a good few minutes afterward just to be safe. When it was clear Pomfrey was not intending to come back out and check on her, she left the Hospital Wing.

The normal amount of guilt swirled in a pit of nausea in her stomach. She was going to go back, she swore, if only so Madam Pomfrey would not worry more. She needed the monotony and familiarity of something in hopes of feeling a sliver better than she had.

With no light and echoed footsteps, Marlene made her way down to the quidditch pitch.

A zombie within her skin, Marlene didn’t stop walking once she got there. She trudged around the pitch on and on. Her footsteps faltered and slowed and quickened and she ran. She wrapped her arms around her shivering shoulders. Her head was pounding with the strain of her thoughts.

She wanted oh so much to remember the day it happened exactly. The problem was, she couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to or didn’t want to. She could feel it all, but the images were broken down in her head. She could picture her and her sister waiting for their father to pick them up from their mamó’s house. It had been pouring rain nonstop. She hadn’t even thought to be worried about it; she was tired and had forgotten muggle contraptions like vehicles weren’t as foolproof as apparition. That was the last drive ever taken from their mamó’s.

Marlene swayed on her feet. She could still feel how she lurched to the side when they’d been hit, how her head cracked against the glass of the car’s window. She ached with the long-healed injuries sustained that day. She had been hurt for barely a few minutes. By all means, she should have died, too. Her magic had kicked in before that could happen, healing her and effectively saving her life. That was the day she’d ended up in a muggle hospital. The doctors there hadn’t understood why she was perfectly okay when her sister – who’d sat in the seat directly behind her – was the exact opposite case.

Marlene hadn’t understood either, why she couldn’t have saved her sister along with herself.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

At the first and barest hint of light, Marlene paused on one of her countless loops of the quidditch pitch. She could have stayed to watch the sun rise but Madam Pomfrey woke early most days and she did not need to further worry over Marlene.

Marlene took her leave of the pitch and made her way straight to the Hospital Wing. It was still dark there. The sun was not yet touching the windows and all the lights would stay off for the next few hours.

Marlene stood forlornly near the doors to the Hospital Wing. No one else was there that night. On a few rare occasions, there’d be one or two. Though Marlene supposed that night she would be considered the one there. She lingered around. There was no way she would be able to sleep. She would be a fool to try to as she would then only have her empty memories to contend with.

At a loss for a reason to stay any longer, Marlene found herself writing out a note for Madam Pomfrey. It was a courtesy, one that made her feel better about not staying long enough for Pomfrey to check on her. She wrote that she’d gone back up to her dorm and marked down the time she was leaving. She straightened out the bedsheets she’d rumpled from laying on and re-stacked the pillows.

She left, once again, but this time it was not to the detriment of her state of mind. It was no longer the ninth, but the tenth. That meant it was no longer the day her sister had died, it was just the day after. The day after everything had gone wrong left her in a melancholic state, but she no longer had to deal with a war, just the recovery from it.

Marlene mumbled the password to the lady in the portrait. She stumbled her way into the common room only to stop right in her tracks.

Mary and Lily sat with their backs against one of the sofas. Their shoulders were pressed together, their heads tilted to rest on the cushions. James and Peter were sitting on those same cushions and talking in low voices. A record player sat on the table spitting out a song quietly. Remus and Sirius were on the sofa opposite the others, sleeping with their legs bumping into each other.

Marlene gaped at them, all sitting in the common room. What were they doing? Why weren’t they in their dorms sleeping as they should have been?

“Marlene!” James jumped up when he saw her.

Mary jerked out of what must have been an almost-sleep and scrambled to pull herself to her feet to get over to Marlene. She jostled Lily in her wake, who took a calmer approach.

“Where have you been? What’s going on? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Mary demanded the second she had the chance.

Marlene glanced behind her at James, who gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Sorry, Mary,” Marlene breathed.

“Don’t be sorry, just…” Mary threw her hands up at a loss of words.

Mary tugged Marlene into a fierce hug that Marlene was more than grateful to fall into.

“Look, we can talk in a minute, but you all should get to your dorms,” Marlene told them.

“You alright?” James asked, which was a question she should have anticipated.

Marlene deferred to a shrug. He knew how she was. He smiled in that comforting James Potter way. As James went to wake Remus and Sirius, Peter moved closer to Marlene. He put a hand on her shoulder in solace. Peter had a soothing quality to him in the way that he could make her feel less lonely with one look. Marlene let out a harrowing sigh. He pressed his lips in a thin line and nodded slightly. A quiet recognition toward her.

Once James had sent Remus and Sirius up and Peter had followed, he gave her a quick hug and whispered,

“I’m here if you need me.”

Then he was out of sight and it was just Marlene and her girls.

“C’mon, let's get you two to bed,” Marlene half-joked.

Mary crossed her arms and stared at her with her eyebrows lifted.

“Mary, I’m fine,” Marlene said with a hint of a lie, “I didn’t want to worry you guys.”

Lily scoffed, “Marlene, Marlene, Marlene.” She shook her head back and forth, “You’re our friend, don’t you know?”

“Yes, but–”

“No. Are you okay?” Lily asked in complete concern.

Marlene’s eyes darted between her two friends. She'd been asked that a few too many times. She never knew what to say.

“I’m…” Marlene stuttered on,

“I’m not…” and on,

“I… yesterday was…” and on,

“I had a bad day,” she settled on as her answer.

Marlene blinked hard and quickly, “I’m not great, but I’m fine.”

Lily took Marlene’s hand in both of hers, a comfort synonymous to Euphemia and James. Mary followed suit and gripped her other hand in hers.

“You want to talk about it?” Mary asked softly.

“Not yet,” Marlene said in a hushed tone.

Marlene resolved to talk to them about it eventually. They were her friends, after all. That day was not the one to do so, though. It might have no longer been the day of, but it was still only the day after.

May 1972 - - Lily

Lily wandered up and down the grounds of Hogwarts, steadily making her way to her and Severus’s meeting spot. There, near the edge of the lake, she found him sitting under a blooming tree.

She stopped by him and nudged him in the leg with the tip of her shoe. He waved distractedly at her as he flipped the page of his book. She folded her hands together and waited patiently for him to finish.

When he snapped the book shut, he leaned back against the tree to stare up at her.

“Walk with me to dinner?” she asked.

“Yeah, alright.”

She held out a hand to haul him to his feet before bending down and gathering his books for him. He raised an eyebrow at her in question but she only shrugged and stuffed the books in his bag that she had looped over her shoulder.

“How have you been?” Lily asked.

“Fine? You saw me this morning, you know how I am.”

She tossed him a look,

“Doesn’t mean I know how you’re doing, though.”

“I am doing just fine, Lily. Is there a reason you’re asking?”

“Why does there have to be a reason? You’re my friend, can’t I want to know how you are?” she said defensively.

Severus looked lost momentarily.

“Okay,” he said with some exasperation. “How are you?”

Lily looked away, “Fine.”

“Fine? Is that all?”

“Yes,” she answered shortly. “What else would I be?”

“I don’t know,” he scoffed. “You seem a bit on edge, is all.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

He bumped her shoulder with his own, “What’s wrong?”

Her eyebrows pinched together. She didn’t want to fret again, but she’d already aired out all her worries to Mary. Beyond that, she did not have anyone else to talk to.

“It’s… Marlene,” she started.

“Go on,” he nodded.

She couldn’t say she wasn’t surprised at his immediate response. She was glad they’d gotten over their issues concerning her other best friends.

“A week or so ago, she had a bit of a day. She’s been acting off ever since. The problem is, I don’t know what happened. She won’t say.”

“Hmm. Have you tried talking to her about it?”

“Yeah, the day after. She said she needed time, and I don’t want to push that. Mary and I decided not to ask yet.” Her voice wavered.

“But you’re worried,” he countered.

Her breath shook and she nodded just slightly, very quickly, almost not enough to acknowledge it. He nodded solemnly back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You can try talking to her again, or let her come to you. It’s your call. Is there anyone else who might know anything?”

Lily stopped in the middle of the corridor. Why hadn’t she thought that before? She had thought up every possible way to approach Marlene, to make her feel better, or to help her in any way. Not once had it crossed her mind to talk to the two people Marlene had known for years.

“I have to go,” she exclaimed as she passed his book bag off to him. “Thank you so much, I’ll find you later!”

His arm fell away from her shoulders. He stood with a distantly morose look on his face.

“You’re welcome,” he mumbled quietly as she raced away.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Potter!” Lily called from across the Great Hall.

His head snapped up and he stared with eyes like a deer in the headlights at her. She hadn’t necessarily expected him to hear her yet, but all the better to have quickly gotten his attention.

Lily slid into the seat next to him, with her intent to help Marlene driving her away from the fact she was voluntarily speaking to James Potter.

“I need to ask you something important,” she declared.

He nodded without saying anything, mildly gazing at her. Behind him, Sirius watched with equal astonishment. Peter and Remus had even stopped their chess game to watch the conversation unfold.

“It’s about Marlene,” Lily went on.

That one sentence jolted Potter back into his senses.

“Okay, look. Marlene is my friend just as much as she is yours.”

Lily thought for a moment to rebut that. She was most definitely more of a friend to Marlene than Potter was. She decided to drop it, simply because she was curious what he was about to say.

“You and I both know she’s been having a rough time.”

“Yes, exactly, and I wanted to ask if you knew–”

Potter held up a hand. He was more serious than she had ever seen him be. If she was honest, she didn’t truly think Potter had the capacity to be serious.

“I do know, but I’m not going to tell you.”

Lily’s face fell.

“It’s not my place. Marlene will tell you when she’s ready. My advice? Be there for her. You and Mary make her happy. That's all she needs.”

Lily hadn’t meant to overstep a boundary. She realised that she probably had, in asking him what she wanted to. Marlene had told her initially that she needed a bit. Lily wanted to respect that, and she was going to. She had gotten caught up in a potential solution to make her feel better, not realising there was a reason Marlene didn't want her or Mary to know what was going on.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised.

He shook his head, “I get it. Don’t worry.”

That’s all I’ve been doing, she thought deprecatingly.

“Thanks anyway,” she sighed.

Before she left, she glanced back over at the boys behind Potter. Remus was looking at her and Potter with an incredulous expression.

It was only as she left the Great Hall that the realisation came to her that that was most likely the first polite and civil conversation she had had with Potter since… the very very beginning of the term.

On her way out, she ran into Severus who was only just making his way into the Great Hall for dinner.

“Any luck?” he asked.

“No. For once in his life, Potter decided to make a good decision.” It was supposed to be a crack at Potter, but she only sounded defeated.

“I’m sure it will be alright, Lily. You always think of something,” he said comfortingly.

She wished that was true, and maybe a lot of the time it was. Here, in this situation, she was lost. She didn’t know what was going on. She did know Marlene kept disappearing. She did know Marlene wasn’t sleeping. She did know that the other day when Marlene came out of the loo, her face was red and blotchy and her eyes were watery. Lily knew something was troubling her, but she had no clue what. It wasn’t as easy as baking a cake to fix everything.

Lily grabbed Severus’s elbow abruptly.

“I have an idea.”

She took off running for the second time, with Severus behind her in the distance.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

When Lily and Petunia were younger they had always been separated for a few unfortunate reasons. Petunia, being slightly older, was always one year ahead in school. One sister or the other would be busy, one sister would be angry with the other, and the list goes on. Eventually, one sister would be too far away from the other. The reason never mattered, only the fact that one always appeared did.

Lily swore she knew lots about her sister, but as the years would pass she would slowly stop thinking so. One thing she did know, however, was that no matter how unfortunate the reasoning for being apart, Lily could find Petunia with something she baked and all would be forgotten. She knew that Petunia’s favourite out of everything Lily ever made was sponge cake.

One time, Petunia had tried her hand at making biscuits of some sort after an argument with Lily. She’d burnt them all, but when Lily saw all she’d done was smile and went with Petunia to get ice cream in town instead. What Lily remembered from all those encounters was not the beforehand cause of their separation but how happy the both of them were to be beside each other again.

That was what brought her to her idea to help Marlene. She did not know much, but she knew that the least she could do was be there for her.

In the kitchens, the house elf she met last time – Wigby – was more than willing to help her out.

After successfully obtaining a whole tray of red-frosted cupcakes from the kitchens for her friends, Lily rushed up to her dorm. Marlene and Mary were already there, laid out across the floor going over something in a textbook. Mary was the first of the two to look up. She broke out in an eager smile when she saw Lily brandishing the tray of cupcakes.

“Where did you get those?” Mary asked excitedly.

“The kitchens,” Lily grinned back.

Marlene glanced up from the book as well, even if her reaction was slower and not as ecstatic. A small smile graced her face as she pulled herself up from where she lay on her stomach. Lily sat down opposite them and set the tray down.

“Take a break from studying.” She gestures to the tray, “Go on, they’re practically fresh from the oven.”

“You heard that, Marlene? The Lily Evans told us to stop studying.”

Marlene, having already taken a bite from a cupcake, mumbled through crumbs,

“The end must be near.”

Lily rolled her eyes at them.

“Yes, you two are hilarious. What are you studying anyway?” Lily asked.

“That charms assignment. Don’t tell me you’re done already?” Mary said with a slight groan.

“Well, I’m not going to lie to you, so I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Mary simply shook her head and reached for a cupcake whilst pushing her books aside.

“What about you?” Lily tapped Marlene’s Transfiguration book.

“Playing catch-up. I fell behind on some assignments,” Marlene answered passively.

After Marlene’s rough patch at the beginning of the month, Lily had noticed how she’d neglected her schoolwork. She didn’t do much the few days after that one had passed. She was slowly returning and coming back to life, or at least, that’s what Lily could tell.

“Have an extra cupcake then, you’ve been working hard.”

“Thanks, Lils,” Marlene caught her eye. “I mean it.”

“I’m always here for you,” she spoke softly.

Marlene's head jerked up and down in a nod.

“I know, Lily. Thank you.”

Twelve-year-olds are very rarely sure of where they truly see themselves ten years in the future. Lily was determined to keep Marlene and Mary by her side for that long and even longer. Sitting there in the Hogwarts dormitory, she saw no reason that would ever change.

May 1972 - - Dorcas

Potions with Gryffindor was a different type of misery. Sitting in a room with a bunch who thought they were better than she tended to set Dorcas off. Slughorn tried to be of help, as their head of house, but he only ever seemed to make it worse for those like her who held no pure-blood status. He elevated the ones who were. Put them on a pedestal and let them do whatever they so pleased on the basis that their parents were satisfied. It was half the reason Dorcas stuck with Pandora the majority of her time. She hadn’t met anyone else worth it who resided in Slytherin.

“I want you all in groups of three,” Slughorn instructed.

The class immediately broke out in whispers. Dorcas sat with her eyes transfixed on Slughorn. She’d find somebody, or they’d find her. She was adequate enough in Potions.

“Before you get all excited, I will be choosing your groups.”

The whispers turned angry, but Slughorn only waved his hand. Favouritism would heavily influence his choices, they all knew that.

“This potion will be the one you make during your final exam of the year. For that, you will be on your own. You are allowed to take notes as you make the potion now, but it will have to be from memory during your exam. Understood?”

Grumbled responses went up from around the room. Slughorn took it to mean they understood and started calling out names.

A realisation came to Dorcas a few names in. Slughorn was calling them out alphabetically. Potions with Gryffindor… alphabetically. Dorcas frantically searched the room. There she was, sitting next to her two Gryffindor friends. McKinnon. McKinnon was in class with her and she was Meadowes.

“Next group: Macdonald, McKinnon, Meadowes.”

Dorcas watched as the two girls went silent beside each other. Macdonald gave her a thin-lipped smile but quickly looked away. McKinnon, on the other hand, glared and glared. Dorcas returned the look and was happy to do so.

When Slughorn got around to letting them start on their potions, Dorcas reluctantly made her way to the rest of her group.

“Let’s get started, yeah?” she said impatiently. She had no time for pleasantries.

She learned Macdonald’s name was Mary, and that Mary wasn’t all that bad. Nicer than McKinnon for sure, despite them being friends. The three of them made a just fine group in theory, with enough smarts and ability to keep up with the likes of those in the Slug Club. Dorcas thought she probably shouldn’t measure intelligence by those let into the Slug Club. Yes, Pandora was quite smart, and that Evans girl wasn’t half bad. Conversely, the majority of the Slug Club was the most apparent favouritism Dorcas had ever witnessed, but she supposed the outliers made up for it.

Mary and McKinnon were especially close friends. That made Dorcas the third in their duo. It didn’t help that she and McKinnon could barely stand being in the same room. Dorcas supposed Mary buffered that between them. Their group was working out fine on the basis of Potions class besides that little detail. They had inadvertently let her take charge. She knew she was the one who knew most about the potion they were concocting so it seemed fitting enough.

The two girls were academically driven enough to take the assignment seriously. Dorcas wouldn’t have been able to work with them otherwise. It was something she’d only briefly discussed with Pandora, her utter need to do everything right.

She had a lot riding on education and her years in Hogwarts. With one muggle-born parent who’d never pursued a life in the wizarding world past school, she was at a disadvantage. She needed to be better than those who were the best. Her competition was the pure-blooded and most privileged. What she needed most of all was connections. They were her one shot at going farther than her parents. Her one shot at getting as far as they wanted her to.

She’d squandered it, that first year so far. She’d ignored the opportunities to get in good with the ones who really mattered. Pandora and Emma were both the best Dorcas could ask for, but neither could get her where she was expected to be.

She wondered if these things were what she should’ve been worrying over. She had six more years to figure out how to be better than the best.

“I think we’re done,” Mary said as she scanned her notes.

Dorcas flew through the mental list she’d made of everything they’d needed to do. She nodded slowly.

“Great,” McKinnon said with a hint of sarcasm.

Dorcas bit her tongue and kept herself from making a snide retort back. Instead, she slid into her seat and pulled out a clean sheet of parchment. She got to work writing out a detailed description of each step to create the potion, as Slughorn had instructed them to do. Mary and McKinnon whispered back and forth across the table.

Most of the groups had not yet finished, which left Dorcas with a sense of pride. Slughorn was not going to notice and that was a thought that dragged her down. He was her head of house and held an influence over a number of people. He could put her on a direct path to pursue what she wanted, or he could keep her off that path.

The whisperings of Mary and McKinnon got louder until McKinnon burst out laughing. Why couldn’t they be quiet? Dorcas was obviously trying to work. McKinnon laughed again and Dorcas swore she was attempting to get on Dorcas's nerves specifically.

“Do you always have to be so loud?” she snapped at McKinnon. “And shouldn’t you be working? Or do you just not care?”

Mary was gawking at Dorcas, her jaw dropped and her eyebrows shot up. McKinnon was livid.

“What is your problem with me?” McKinnon spat out.

“My problem is that you don’t take anything seriously.”

“Excuse me?” Macdonald exclaimed, looking about ready to fight Dorcas herself on behalf of McKinnon.

McKinnon held up a hand for Macdonald to stop. She stood so she could glare down at Dorcas. Her chair screeched over the floor in one shrill noise.

“I am sick and tired of you, Meadowes. It’s like you’re always trying to ruin my day on purpose.”

“Oh please, McKinnon. I’m the one who keeps getting stuck with you on assignments.” Dorcas shot up out of her seat.

“You keep getting stuck with me? If anything, I’m the one stuck with you.”

“I’m not the one who always messes up.”

“Well, it's not like you're perfect either!”

Dorcas snorted and crossed her arms, glaring McKinnon down. No, Dorcas was not perfect, but screw that McKinnon girl! Dorcas worked hard for what she wanted. She did not think McKinnon could possibly fathom just how much effort she made on the daily.

“Y’know what, Meadowes? I don't care what you think about me. I swear to you, I am going to get better marks than you now and for the next six years because you aren't perfect. So watch it.”

McKinnon angrily snatched her books off the table and took a spot at a different one, with her back facing Dorcas.

“As if I’d let you,” Dorcas muttered under her breath.

Dorcas stayed glaring at McKinnon’s back as if she were trying to burn a hole through her with her eyes. Macdonald slid off her seat and joined McKinnon. She sent a bizarre look Dorcas’s way. Dorcas narrowed her eyes at Macdonald and sharply turned back to her paper.

Dorcas’s quill snapped with the pressure she was using to furiously write. Ink stained over her words. She sat and stared at the illegible writing and made a decision for herself. She was not going to let the likes of McKinnon beat her on her exams. Forget connections and pleasing professors, she would do whatever it took to make sure that even if someone was better than her, that someone was not going to be Marlene McKinnon.

May 1972 - - Mary

As exams neared ever closer, they all ended up caught in a never-ending cycle of schoolwork. Mary swore the closer they got to the end of the year, the more work the teachers gave out. Essays and assignments and warnings to not get behind. It was all dumped on them at once. Mary had to remind herself how close they were to the end of it to get through it all. Lily took it with ease. It was as if the more work she did the more she wanted to do. Marlene, since she’d told Meadowes that she’d get better marks, had thrown herself into her work. It was good for her, she was laughing and talking again like she had before the start of the month.

One slight problem in all the work was that they barely had any time to themselves anymore. Lily practically lived in the library and Mary wasn’t sure where Marlene was getting her work done. The Hospital Wing, most likely. Mary stayed in their dorm. She took up half the floor with all her notes spread out.

Alice had walked in once in the middle of one of Mary’s study sessions. She’d taken about one look around before backing up out of the room again. She’d made a joke another night, that the three of them as first years were taking studying more seriously than she was, though Mary knew that wasn’t true. She’d found Alice had permanently set up her books in a back corner of the library. Mary had seen Alice there once and it had looked like a bomb of paper and ink had gone off on the table. She and her friend Frank Longbottom left the library as little as Lily did.

All that was to say they’d missed each other like ships passing in the night.

Mary had just packed up her books for the day when Lily came in. She held a book open and was reciting facts to herself before looking down at the book to verify. Mary knew that Lily had to have practically the entire book memorised at that point, as it was the one she’d seen Lily with for days. Lily tended to underestimate herself, even though she was one of the top students in their year.

“Lils, put the book down for a minute,” Mary said.

“What?” Lily looked up, almost startled to see Mary.

“Maybe you’ve studied enough for one night?” Mary suggested.

She took note of the dark circles under Lily’s eyes and the drained way she held herself. Lily hesitated and glanced back down at her book.

“... I don’t know.”

“For your own sake, put the book down.”

Lily sighed heavily. She looked regretful to be even considering such a thing. Mary slowly eased the book out of her hands. Lily watched her with a hint of reluctance but made no protest against it. Mary tossed the book aside. She lightly set her hand on Lily’s shoulder and guided her to sit down. Lily leaned back and knocked her head against the bed frame.

“When was the last time you took a break?” Mary asked.

Lily shook her head and shrugged as her eyes drifted shut.

“I’m so behind,” Lily grumbled.

“There is absolutely no way that’s true. You are never not studying.”

“It’s not enough.”

“Lily, trust me, it is.”

Desperation shone in Lily’s eyes, “But is it? I have to work twice as hard to compete with the pure-bloods.”

“They’re the ones you have to compete with you, actually,” someone said from the far side of the room.

Mary peeked over the edge of the bed blocking her view. Marlene was leaning up against her bedpost with her arms crossed.

“When’d you get in? We didn’t hear the door.” Lily asked.

“A moment ago. I mean it, Lily. They should be scared of you, honestly. You’re better than the lot of them,” Marlene said with a kind of conviction that was hard to refute.

As Lily stared wistfully off at nothing and mulled that over, Mary waved at Marlene to join them. She crossed the room and sat down next to them and tucked her hands under her legs.

Lily dragged herself underneath her bed with a groan. It was as if she thought she could hide from the world as long as she was underneath her bed. She’d done that before, on a few occasions, Mary had noticed. Overwhelmed with Hogwarts: under her bed. Fight with Snape: under her bed. Mary tapped Lily’s ankle.

“Why do you do that?” Mary asked curiously.

“Do what?” Lily’s voice was muffled from her position.

“Lie under your bed.”

“My sister always hid like this when she was a kid. She doesn’t anymore, but it’s where I always found her. I don’t know when I started doing it too.”

Mary mulled that over. Lily never spoke much on the matter that was her sister. Mary saw her, every week, writing letters she marked with the name Petunia. Sometimes Lily wrote pages upon pages. She didn’t think she ever saw Lily with the responses to those letters, though she supposed she hadn’t asked. There were days Lily would go on about whatever her parents had written to her that week, but not her sister.

Beside her, Marlene ducked under the bed frame and lay back, a mirror of Lily on Mary’s other side. Marlene lay there for a few silent seconds then said,

“I think I understand,” she went quiet again for only a moment. “This is oddly comforting. C’mon Mary you have to try this.”

“You want me to lay under the bed with you two?” Mary asked with a laugh in her voice.

“Absolutely, get down here.” Lily tugged on Mary’s arm.

“Okay, okay!”

Mary lay back. She stared up at the underside of Lily’s bed in careful contemplation.

“How do you feel?” Lily asked.

Mary pulled a face of thoughtfulness like she was thinking her hardest over the question.

“I agree with Marlene. Odd, yes. But I think I can get behind this.”

Lily laughed, but it was brief and fleeting, and her eyes flashed with dismay.

“I don’t think Petunia would agree with you anymore,” she said, a sad truth.

It was sorrowful, to think of Lily aching over her sister in such a way.

“Does she respond to your letters?” Mary asked on impulse.

“No,” Lily sighed. “We used to talk all the time, but not anymore.”

“I know how that feels,” Marlene admitted.

“You do?” Lily sat up as much as she could to look over at Marlene.

Marlene nodded, “Yeah, but my family is always changing. It’s not weird for my brothers to disappear on me now and then.”

Lily slid off her elbows so she was flat against the floor again. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her face scrunched in thought. Mary wasn’t one to have issues with her siblings. Her family had its differences and wasn’t as conventional as Marlene's or Lily’s (well, as conventional as wizard-type families could be). Mary’s family might as well have been two joined into one, but she was young when it happened that it hardly affected her. It was just her family, even if they were a little different from most other families. Sure, she argued with her siblings like all siblings did, but Marlene and Lily were in completely different situations. Mary couldn’t have imagined being so estranged from her family as they were speaking of.

“How do you deal with it?” Lily asked Marlene.

“I’m not sure I do,” Marlene said with a small laugh, not that it was a funny statement.

“What d’you mean?” Lily frowned.

“At the beginning of the month,” Marlene started, piquing Mary’s interest. “I was dealing with some family stuff that came up.”

“Was it because your brother was born?” Mary asked because she couldn’t help herself.

“No, sort of, but no. It was something else.”

“Something Potter didn’t want to tell me,” Lily said softly like she hadn’t meant to speak at all.

“He wouldn’t have and won’t ever.”

Mary’s mind strayed fleetingly back to Lily saying she’d spoken to Potter, but that would’ve been a conversation for another time.

“You don’t have to talk about it, Marlene,” Mary told her.

See, Mary knew family was complicated. She knew it was complicated when her mum refused to take down pictures of her father but still never talked about him. She knew it was complicated when her mum’s best friend welcomed them with open arms into her home. She knew it was complicated when she grew into a family where half of them had no blood relation to her. Family wasn’t cut and dry and it didn’t make any sense most of the time. Family was hard to put into words and was unexplainable. If Marlene couldn’t explain it any easier than Mary could, well, then Mary was in no place to judge.

“I want to tell you both everything. I get we’ve only been friends a few months–”

“Nine months,” Lily interjected. “Which is far more than a few.”

Marlene’s expression was incredulous as she looked over at Lily, “Alright, we’ve known each other for nine months. I haven’t had many other friends. Yeah, there’s James and Peter, but they’re different.”

“Like how Sev is different for me.”

“Right. So it’s... It’s almost like…” Marlene pursed her lips.

“Like you don’t know how to be friends?” Mary suggested.

“Right,” Marlene sighed.

“Me either,” Mary murmured.

It was quiet and still between them until Lily half flung herself out from the bed.

“You know something else me and my sister used to do?” Lily asked with determination in her voice.

All Mary could see were Lily’s knees, but she found herself completely able to picture the look Lily must be giving them.

“What’s that?” Mary asked as both she and Mary struggled for a moment to slide out from under the bed.

“We made a lot of promises. And I want you both to promise me something now.” It was not a request or a suggestion.

Mary and Marlene shared one glance and nodded anyway.

"That we stay friends. Whensoever and in any case. Even when we don't know how to do that, or talk, or anything else.” Lily’s eyes bounced between the two of them.

“Of course, Lils. I promise,” Mary said.

“Me too,” Marlene rushed to say. “I promise, too.”

Lily held up her pinky finger. Mary instantly understood and hooked her own around Lily’s. Marlene stared in downright confusion.

“Pinky promise. It’s what me and my sister did as kids.”

“That must be a muggle thing.” Regardless if it was a muggle thing or not, Marlene joined them.

For those few moments, the three of them were linked together, and not a single one wanted to let go.

Chapter Text

Lily - - June 1972

The owlery was the place Lily had found herself throughout the school year. It was nearing the end, and yet still she was going there. She would be home in less than a month but kept sending letters. She was determined to. Besides, her dad had told her to keep him updated on how she was doing with her exams coming up.

The owl she had been constantly using, a tawny-coloured barn owl, flew off its perch and straight for her. It settled on the window next to her and expectantly waited. She passed off the letter to the owl as she had done time and time again. This one was to her sister. She was expecting responses from her parents but not her sister, so Petunia was the only one she had a new letter for.

She watched the barn owl fly off forlornly. It was Mary who made her start thinking, truly thinking, about her sister. Not one letter Lily had gotten over the full year had been from Petunia. So many times Lily had come to the owlery to send off a letter to her, and so many times she’d sat at the table in the Great Hall with only responses from her parents.

It hadn’t especially bothered her at first. She was the one who had promised Petunia she would send letters. It was not like Petunia made the promise back. That and Petunia didn’t seem all too comfortable around magic. Lily understood that it was new and the reason she was in Scotland instead of at home and school with Petunia. If it was her in the position Petunia was in she would feel the same way.

Lily made her way down to the Great Hall. It wasn’t odd for Petunia to freak out over magic. Everything in Hogwarts would’ve truly blown her mind. The moving stairs, the portraits that were alive; of course Petunia didn’t know how to act about that stuff.

The only reason Lily hadn’t freaked out was because of Severus. She’d known about magic for a long time before even going to Hogwarts. She had already known just about everything there was to know, Severus had told her everything he could. That was why it was all normal to Lily. Petunia needed some time to acclimate, and though she was still writing her letters, she wanted to give Petunia time to do that.

Lily greeted the girls as she sat. Marlene had her head buried in a textbook, as she so often did within the last month. Mary was half asleep and scraping around the food on her plate.

Lily waited eagerly for the morning post to get in. When it did, and the owls flew over the Great Hall in a swarm of feathers, two letters dropped down in front of Lily. She tore into each quickly to see who of her family had sent her one.

The thing about Lily was that no matter what had already happened, her hopes were always high enough to be in the clouds. She would hope and hope until it eventually let her down again.

The letters were from her mum and dad, respectively.

Why would she think her sister would finally write her back? She’d gone nine months without doing so, why would the tenth change anything?

But again, that was Lily. She had hopes sky high and reality couldn’t ground her. Especially when it came to Petunia.

Normally, Lily would send one letter each week. But as the work piled on and exams loomed, she sent more. Petunia was a person of comfort, only to Lily. Not talking to her filled Lily with unease that tripled every day. It was her sister, and she needed her sister.

Letter after letter Lily wrote. Letter after letter Lily sent. Between writing to her sister and writing her essays, her wrist perpetually hurt. It got to a point where it was almost like she didn’t care that Petunia wasn’t writing back. Lily still got to talk that way. It was incredibly one-sided, but there was nothing she could do about it.

She didn’t expect to come crashing down one day because of it. It had been weighing on her too long. She had just sent yet another letter. In it, she complained about her assignments the whole time. It was nothing that Petunia would care about if she did get around to reading it. It would’ve been all gibberish anyhow, what with Lily rambling on about this potion or that charm. But Lily needed Petunia. Letters weren’t talking and it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t even have been enough if Petunia was writing letters back.

All she wanted was one letter back. All she needed was one. She would forgive every other time she got nothing back when she was giving everything.

Lily watched the sky from the window of the owlery. The owl she’d sent along was already out of sight. Her hands hung heavy at her sides. There was nothing to do about Petunia, but oh, Lily would have done anything.

She heard him as he took the few steps up to the top of the tower and heard him open the door. She didn’t have to look to see who it was. He was the only one who knew she was up there. It was also quite late; nobody else was going to be obsessing over letters like she was. There was nobody who would be sending anything at the time of night she was. No one frequented the owlery quite like she did.

“She won’t write me back,” Lily mumbled.

She turned and smiled sadly at Severus. He still stood by the door, his face pensive and reflecting how she figured she looked.

“I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I can make her write back,” Lily sighed. But I need her to, she thought in the same breath.

“Sometimes there isn’t anything to do, Lily.”

“I wish there was."

That was when he stepped closer. He turned and sat on the window ledge in front of her with his shoulders sagging.

“Not everything can be fixed. Petunia will either come to her senses or…” he trailed off like he was trying to spare her from what he wanted to say.

“Or she won’t,” Lily finished for him. “And I’ll have to deal with knowing I need her more than she needs me.”

Severus grimaced. She sat next to him and let that wash over her. Maybe it wasn’t even about what Petunia needed. Maybe Petunia wanted nothing to do with Lily anymore. Both realities hurt.

“What happens when I go back home, then?” she wondered aloud.

He looked at her with mild confusion at her statement.

“If she can’t even be bothered to send one letter back, what’s she going to do when I get home?” Lily’s voice took on a scared undertone.

“It’s Petunia, you know how she is,” was all Severus said.

“Do I?”

Severus sighed like a breath of a laugh, “She’ll pretend it’s normal and you’re normal. Remember that time you broke your arm, and she ignored it until it healed because it freaked her out? It’ll be like that.”

“But this isn’t just a broken arm, Sev. It’s who I am and it’s not going to change. She can’t ignore that forever.”

“She might try.”

Lily thought of the things Petunia would have ignored in the past. Looking back, her tendencies of strangeness (that turned out to be magic) were something Petunia had always been put off by. Severus was probably the second thing Petunia had always ignored.

That first time Lily had seen Severus, sitting under a tree with a flower floating out in front of him, all Lily had gotten in was a ‘hi’ before her sister dragged her away. She might as well have not even heard Lily’s protests. The next time Petunia saw Severus, he started going on about how Lily was a witch and Petunia had most definitely freaked out.

Lily had just floated off her swing, quite literally floated. She had swung off it with Petunia shouting behind her to not dare to do such a thing. At her feet, she’d noticed a flower that had fallen off the bush beside her. With Petunia still ranting behind her, she picked up the flower.

Petunia must’ve seen the way Lily got a glint in her eyes. The flower’s petals furled open and closed again in her palm.

“Stop it!” Petunia shrieked.

“It’s not hurting you,” Lily mumbled.

She crumpled the flower in her fist anyway and dropped its crushed remains on the ground.

“It’s not right,” Petunia grumbled. “How do you do it?”

That boy from before sprung up from out of the bushes. He called her a witch. Lily had the fleeting thought to be offended by such a thing, but he kept on insisting. Petunia had scoffed and asked why he would even be spying on them to think such a thing.

“Wouldn’t spy on you, anyway. You’re a Muggle.”

That was it for Petunia. She glared and pulled Lily away from the playground. Lily went with no defiance. A mere two minutes later, Petunia went on as if it hadn’t happened.

So perhaps that was who Petunia was. She had always thought they were better off acting as normal as possible. Lily wasn't the only one with a family who had complicated relationships with magic, though. This was a fact she had known for a while, but she'd never thought of it in comparison to herself.

“Does your father ignore it?” she asked Severus.

Lily could remember every conversation she’d had with Severus to do with his parents. Most of it wasn’t good.

They’d had a talk that sounded like this one before, back when Severus had first started telling her what being a witch meant.

“Doesn’t your dad like magic?”

“He doesn’t like anything much.”

Something felt different about the question she was asking now. When Petunia didn’t like something, she pretended it wasn’t real. From what Lily knew, when Severus’s father didn’t like something, he got angry.

“Most of the time,” Severus answered quietly.

Lily swung her feet back and forth over the stone floor. She gazed over at Severus.

“Are you doing okay? About going home?” Lily asked.

Severus shrugged in a resigned sort of way.

“I know what to expect.”

That wasn’t an answer. Expectations often didn't collide with reality, and just because he had an expectation didn't mean it would be met. Lily didn’t inquire further; she didn’t like to push him into talking about his parents. She was comforted knowing she would be around to see how he was over the summer, but there was still only so much she could do for him then.

“I’ll be there, you know,” she felt the need to remind him

He exchanged a small sad smile with her, “I know, Lily. I know.”

June 1972 - - Dorcas

Exams were there sooner than expected. In all her preparation, it still caught her off guard.

Astronomy was her first exam. All that the exam covered were stars. Their formation in the sky, visibility, and all such other things. It was one of the exams she had barely needed to study for. It came easily enough and it wasn’t even as if they’d covered hard topics. She had done a quick re-read of her book and that had been more than she needed.

Dorcas’s dad had always taken a special interest in astronomy. He’d never done anything with it, but every night he would point out this constellation or that. Her mum and dad had met at an observatory, and she thought that that was the reason he did that.

Either way, the exam went exactly as she’d expected.

Herbology was her other easy one. It was where her mum’s expertise helped her out. They’d had an essay – which she might have spent all too much time on. She’d started it the minute she could and it honestly became one of her favourite assignments. It was to write about one of the experiments they’d done on plants over the year, and Dorcas wrote extensively.

Potions class was tense only due to McKinnon, who was working right across from her. Half the time she spent was on her potion, and the other half was spent glaring at the girl. Their little rivalry was getting out of hand. Each day she saw McKinnon, the more she couldn’t stand her. McKinnon was more determined than ever and it showed. It was like Dorcas was her driving factor to actually try.

During the entire potions class, McKinnon didn’t look over at Dorcas once. She was too focussed on her own work. Dorcas might've commended her for that if she had actually liked her. Her sleeves were rolled up past her elbows and her hair had been pulled up high out of the way. She rushed around her table and was seemingly transfixed on her potion. Dorcas was more calm about her work. She’d memorised the steps and the timing weeks beforehand. There was no way McKinnon could do better than her.

At the end of the class, McKinnon finally looked at her. Dorcas held her eyes as she handed over her potion to Slughorn. She turned with a smirk and walked out of the room before McKinnon.

That was the highlight of her day. The class right after was Defence Against the Dark Arts which she also had with McKinnon. It wasn't as satisfying, seeing her there like it was in potions. Their professor had them lined up alphabetically, so Dorcas had to stand right next to her.

As long as she ignored McKinnon, the exam would be fine. They were to demonstrate a set of spells they’d learned over the year. Dorcas was concerned at first, that McKinnon would try and pull something to make her mess up. To her complete surprise… nothing happened. McKinnon returned the favour of ignoring her.

And then the day was over, and she was halfway through her exams.

She’d gone and waited outside of Pandora’s last class after she’d gotten out of hers. She was lighter after finishing half of her exams. She would go home soon, get to see her sister soon, and it would be summer soon. The only thing that brought her down was being further away from Pandora, but they still had a couple of days. She’d write over the break, and hopefully, they could visit each other.

“Dorcas. What a nice surprise. I didn’t expect to see you until dinner; I thought you’d be studying,” Pandora grinned.

“Yes, well, I’ve studied a lot haven’t I?”

“I do believe you have.”

“Anything you fancy doing?” Dorcas asked.

Pandora pursed her lips.

“I have this book of poems I’ve been wanting to read. I have no idea if you’d be interested–”

“I am interested,” Dorcas cut in. “Let’s go read some poetry.”

That was how they found themselves on a bench in one of the courtyards. Pandora lay with her legs swinging over the edge and her head by Dorcas’s legs. Pandora had given the book of poems to Dorcas to read aloud. Dorcas was sure it was a muggle book but she’d never heard of it.

“Silent and blind, around the sun,

Its cold, unconscious course is spun,

Passive, by cosmic forces hurled,

This dead thing that once was a world.

The grass was green upon its face,

The flowers bloomed in every place,

With song and labour–”

“Dorcas! There you are,” Emma called out.

Dorcas’s head snapped up as she broke off from her tirade of poetry. She waved as Emma approached.

“I didn’t know if I’d see you before the end of the year,” Emma said.

“You’ve caught her at a good time, she’s taking a study break,” Pandora informed her.

“A study break?” Emma raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“We’re reading poetry.” Dorcas held up the book.

Emma smiled, “This summer if you need someone to practise quidditch with – so you can join the team and help me win the Cup – all you need to do is send me a letter. I want you on my team, Dorcas, even if it means training all summer.”

Dorcas grinned back. She wasn’t opposed to it, she had started to look forward to quidditch. She wasn’t all too sure when her sister would be home, so practising with Emma in the meantime would be a huge help.

“Wait, your team?” Dorcas burst out when she realised what Emma said.

Emma smiled at her and put her finger up to her lips like it was a secret,

“It’s not official yet, but Laughalot told me that I’m the only one he thinks can bring the team to victory and that he made sure Slughorn knew that.”

“We are so winning the Quidditch Cup,” Dorcas said with conviction.

“You know it,” Emma beamed down at her.

They said their goodbyes and Emma left them to go back to their book. Dorcas glanced over at Pandora before she started to read again.

“What?” Dorcas asked when she saw the face Pandora was making at her. She had a pleased gleam in her eyes and the corners of her lips were tilted up.

“You look happy, that's all.”

“Do I not usually look happy?”

Pandora simply shook her head and didn’t answer her, “I have a feeling next year is going to be everything and more.”

Everything and more, Dorcas thought. What more could there be?

June 1972 - - Mary

Mary had decided that flying wasn’t her worst enemy. She was doing well for herself, even if the class had just started. Her exams were far more hands-on than she had expected – or wanted – them to be. Flying was no exception. They were up in the air within minutes of class starting.

The morning chill crept over them and whipped their faces red from the cold. The wind wasn’t necessarily bad that day, or else Mary might have been knocked off her broom. It wasn’t as if she were bad at flying, it was mostly a balancing act. Days where there were clear skies and not even a slight breeze she had been able to fly as if she’d been doing so her whole life.

She still might have not understood Marlene’s obsession with it, but it did remind her of how it felt to dance. She grew up doing so – like Marlene grew up with quidditch – as her mum’s best friend, who she practically saw as a second mum, had taught her. Flying was enjoyable like that had been, but only when it was peaceful.

As her classmates sped past her on their brooms she had a passing thought to do the same. She thought she could have, maybe that she could have even beaten them back to the start. However, she’d promised to stick close to Lily.

Lily was a few paces behind her. It was safe to say flying was not her favourite subject. Mary could guess she was happy they only had to take it for their first year.

“Doing okay?” Mary called.

“Perfect,” Lily’s voice was stilted.

Mary glanced over her shoulder to catch a peek at Lily. Lily’s eyes darted up nervously.

“Keep your eyes forward!” Lily shrieked.

Mary wasn’t worried for herself but found it hilarious Lily was. She was confident in her ability to stay on her broom and fly without falling.

“How’s it going, slowpokes?” Marlene flew up next to them with a shit-eating grin.

“Marlene, you need to help me,” Lily gritted out.

Marlene cast an amused look at Mary, who had to suppress a smile when Lily saw.

“Oh, you’re doing fine. I wouldn’t hold the broom so tight, and going faster would surely improve your balance, but yeah, other than that,” Marlene said with a shrug.

Lily scowled but loosened her grip all the same. Mary thought there was no way she’d fly any faster than she was, but she was content with the speed they were at.

Marlene wasn’t exactly judging Lily on her skill level, but Mary could tell there were more than two pointers she wanted to give Lily. She watched Marlene watch Lily with the analytic gaze of someone who knew what they were doing.

Lily noticed it too.

“I get it, I know I’m not doing it right.”

“No! You really are doing fine. I’ve been doing this since I could walk. It’s the one thing I’m good at, you know. It’s why I’m trying out for the Quidditch team next year.”

“You’re good at more than Quidditch, Marlene.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “See you at the finish.” She sped off without another word.

Marlene was waiting for them when they got done, much later than when she had to have finished. They walked shoulder-to-shoulder to charms.

The rest of Mary's day was boring and uneventful. Charms class was merely spell demonstrations and the same went for Transfiguration. There were other essays for both classes, but those were done beforehand. History of Magic bored her out of her skull as all it was was one final exam covering topic by topic of what they’d learned. It was all rather easy, or at least that was Mary’s belief. In realising that, all that was on her mind was her earlier meeting with McGonagall.

Mary didn’t know what was in store for her at Hogwarts or afterward. She couldn’t remember what she assumed she would be like before finding out she was a witch. The entire trajectory of her life had changed once she did. She supposed she didn’t have to think about living a life without magic anymore, though it was still a notion that tugged at the corners of her mind. She wasn’t going to live that life ever again, not after all this. It bothered her, not that she could quite figure out why.

“Do you think we should start packing?” Lily asked later that day after all their exams were finally finished.

The question was a punch to the gut. They were almost done. Their first year was almost over. It had snuck up on Mary amid the craze of exams. There was nothing left to think about with exams done, other than going home.

“It is way too early for that,” Marlene said from atop her bed.

“Is it? We only have a few days.”

“Exactly. We still have a few days.”

Mary wasn’t done with the year yet, so she said,

“I agree with Marlene. There has got to be something better to do.”

“Like what?” Lily asked.

“Ooh! I know what we could do.” Marlene hopped up from her bed.

Mary looked at her expectantly with Lily mildly weary beside her.

“My brother's first year, he snuck into the Forbidden Forest,” she grinned like it was the best idea of her life.

“No,” Lily said immediately. “We are not going into the Forbidden Forest.”

“Which brother was this?” Mary asked simultaneously.

“Finley. Magnus would never.”

“And we should also never. It’s called the Forbidden Forest for a reason.”

“They only called it that so students are too afraid to go in,” Marlene argued.

“There are creatures in there that could kill us.”

“Not during the day.”

“Your logic is astounding. I don’t think they’re going to care about the time of day.”

“We don’t have to go that far in.”

Lily whipped her head around toward Mary,

“You’ve been quite silent. Don’t you agree this is a bad idea?”

Mary gave a slow shrug, “I mean, as long as we don’t go too far…”

“No, absolutely not. That is not happening.”

“Come on Lily,” Marlene pleaded with her.

Lily seemed to be searching for a way to put her off the topic.

“We can go next year,” Lily said with caution. “After I have had time to read up on what’s in there.”

Marlene deflated a bit but said, “I’m holding you to that.”

Lily grimaced.

“It’s okay Lily, we know you’re just looking out for us.” Mary wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her into a hug.

Lily’s cheeks tinged red from embarrassment. Marlene grinned from ear to ear.

“Yeah, it’s really sweet you don’t want us to die,” she joked.

Lily sighed overdramatically, “Oh, what would I do without you guys.”

“I think we’re the ones who should be asking you that,” Mary shot back.

Lily only smiled in return.

Mary was not going to live the life she had before. So what? The one she was going to have was pretty good, too.

June 1972 - - Marlene

It was the last morning at Hogwarts and Marlene had finally gotten around to packing. She tried, at first, to neatly put her books and clothes in. About halfway through she said damn it all and started tossing in whatever was left. She’d either find what she needed when she got home or leave it to deal with before the next school year.

Lily had packed days before, just as she said she would. She was across the room with Mary, trying to help her finish packing. Mary had stuck with a method similar to Marlene, where she had chosen to throw most of it in at her own will. Most of her belongings weren’t yet in her trunk, which was a small problem. They were supposed to be leaving for the train soon.

Marlene threw in her last book and slammed the lid of her trunk closed. She stood staring at her empty and stripped-down bed. The year was coming to a close and they were on the cusp of two months away from Hogwarts. She was impatient to get back, and she hadn’t left yet.

“Oh good, you’re done. Come help us,” Lily said.

Marlene tore her eyes away from the empty bed. She started picking up the things strewn around Mary’s bed and tossed them into the trunk. If not for the extension charm, there would have been no absolute way to make it all fit in Mary's trunk.

As they were getting the last things cleaned up, Alice came bursting back into the room. She’d been there earlier, packing like the rest of them.

“I’ve come to say goodbye,” she said with a flourish.

Mary was the first of them to rush over. Marlene and Lily both followed closely behind.

Alice may not have been around a whole lot, but she was there when it counted. She was there every time they needed her so much as a little. Marlene looked up to her in a way. She was grateful to have her there as much as she had.

Alice pulled her into a hug after she had done so to Mary and Lily.

“You three are hands down the best roommates I’ve had,” Alice grinned and hugged Marlene tighter.

Marlene clung to her. They weren’t as close friends as she was with Mary and Lily, but Marlene had appreciated her all the same.

“You’re the best, Alice,” she told her.

Alice smiled sweetly and only let go of her when she said,

“I’ve got to get down to the train, but I will see all of you next year.” She headed for the door.

“Have a nice summer!” Lily called to her.

“Bye,” Mary waved.

“See you next year,” Marlene shouted after her as she left.

They went closely after Alice, once they had fully gotten their room back to its barren state. It was sad to see it with nothing to indicate they had been there for a full ten months. She was comforted in knowing they would be back there in only two.

On their way down to the train station, Marlene took in everything she could about Hogwarts. She was obviously coming back, but she didn’t want to be leaving in the first place. She would have been content staying there forever, stuck in a loop of school and her friends. Time would go on, and she would be there for quite some time yet. The small breaks in between wouldn’t be bad to look back at, but in the moments they felt worse than anything else. They were suffocating.

Boarding the train going home, Marlene was not alone. She had Lily and Mary sitting in the compartment with her. She wasn’t taking the train by herself, or in silence, and she never would again.

It was hardly silent on the way back. Mary talked about everything to do with going home.

“I just know my brothers are going to be so amazed when I tell them everything. Elliot and Theo are so smart, they’re going to love hearing about the classes. Cyrus wrote me so many letters that I couldn’t even reply to half of them.”

“Do you think they’ll get letters to Hogwarts?” Marlene asked. “They’re younger than you, right?”

“Yeah, by a few years. I was wondering that too, but it would only be Cyrus who would get one. Probably not though; my older sister is a muggle.”

“Why would it only be Cyrus?”

“Technically, I’m not related to Elliot or Theo,” Mary stated.

Marlene’s eyebrows shot up,

“You never told us that.”

Mary shrugged like it didn’t mean anything, “They’re still my brothers. When I was really little, and my dad died, we moved in with my mum’s best friend, Eleanor. Elliot and Theo are her sons.”

“What about your sisters?” Lily asked.

“Maeve is biologically my sister, Heidi isn’t. But like I said before, they’re still my sisters.”

“Yeah, of course,” Marlene nodded.

“Anyway, it’ll be nice to see Maeve and Heidi, as I haven’t for a while. Aren’t you guys excited to get back?”

The question was harmless. Mary meant well, and she most likely realised a few seconds after she asked that Marlene and Lily weren’t as ecstatic to be home as she was.

“I just mean there are some things you’re looking forward to, right?”

Lily nodded, “Letters don’t exactly suffice. I’ve been wanting to talk to my mum and dad for a while… and Petunia.”

“I’ll get to meet my brother,” Marlene mumbled.

That was the point they decided to let the topic of family go. They distracted themselves with sweets from the trolley. Later, Marlene dragged them down to talk to the boys until Lily called it quits and couldn’t stand it anymore.

The train ride went too quickly and they didn’t have all the time they wished for. When it came to a screeching stop, Marlene’s heart jackhammered in her chest.

“You’re both going to write, yeah?”

“Write and call, and you can come visit whenever you please,” Lily reassured her.

“Thanks, Lils.”

“That goes for you too, Mary.”

“I know, trust me, I will be taking you up on that.”

They sat in their compartment as students ran out of the train onto the platform. Everyone else was rushing past, happy and eager to get home.

“We should probably be going,” Marlene said.

Mary was gazing out the window at where her family stood. Marlene knew how much she wanted to see them.

“C’mon.” Marlene stood and waved them up.

They made their way slowly out to the platform and collected their trunks there. Mary was the first to leave. She grabbed both of them at the same time and pulled them into a borderline-aggressive hug.

“We’ll talk later.” And with that, she rushed off to her family.

Lily spotted her mum and dad – though Marlene noticed Petunia was not in sight – and she was the next to go. Marlene might have had enough hugging for one day, but she was grateful still when Lily did.

“Bye!” Lily waved off to her as she headed to her parents.

Marlene was alone then. She looked and looked and at last, saw her brothers. There Magnus was, checking his watch time and time again, and there Finn was, waiting patiently with a smile gracing his face.

Once he spotted her, he held a hand up and started waving it like a maniac.

“Marley!”

She broke out in a grin. All the unease she had felt about going home settled immediately.

“Finn!”

Chapter Text

The half-quidditch pitch behind the Potters’ home was a glory to behold. It spanned more space than their house even did. The Potters were more modest with their money than most other old pure-blood families, that was until it came to quidditch. James taking up an interest in it just like his parents had only fueled their compassion for it, Marlene was sure.

There were no complaints on her part.

She found herself there almost every day once summer started. With both James and Marlene trying out for Gryffindor’s quidditch team in the fall, there was no wasting time over the summer. James had gotten Peter to help them practise and so, that was where they spent their time. Marlene could have stayed up in the air with them all summer.

That day, James had disappeared back inside the Potters’ Cottage after his mum had come out and called for him. Marlene only had a minute or so to wonder where he’d gone before Peter was beckoning to her.

She drifted over to him lazily.

“How about we take a break?” he suggested.

“Why? We’ve barely been out here and I’m sure James will be back in a minute.”

Peter shrugged, “We can come back out later.”

Marlene looked him up and down. The flippant way he spoke meant his words had a double meaning, but she gave in without argument. Peter’s intentions were always good even if his execution of them were questionable.

Peter rushed to get her to the ground and back inside the Potters’ Cottage. She followed him with a withheld type of amusement. She could guess why they were headed inside, but it was sweet of Peter to keep up his act of not knowing she knew.

It was her birthday, and even though she stopped caring for the little surprise parties her mum had liked to throw her since she had been much much younger, she’d never tell anyone. It reminded her of back when their family felt normal. Every year her mum persisted with it and still threw her a ‘surprise’ party. Once the Potters’ had gotten involved it became an over-the-top day. It would be lying to say she didn’t like it that way.

The moment she stepped into the cottage, the party exploded around her. Someone had decorated – all the decorations were red and gold, the only colours the Potters’ seemed to know – and just about everybody was there. Peter’s mum, Euphemia and Fleamont, her brothers and Mum, and Lily and Mary. Tables were lined with food that must have been made by Euphemia; naan bread and tandoori chicken sat next to piles of desserts that Mrs. Pettigrew had to have been the one to bake.

Marlene bore a smile that could’ve broken her face. The Potters had the belief that if there was something worth celebrating the only way to do it was extravagantly. Marlene’s mum most often baulked at such a thing, but for Marlene, she had settled into an acceptance of it.

Euphemia swept her into a hug.

“Happy birthday, honey.”

When Marlene let go of Euphemia the rest surged forward with more ‘happy birthdays’. Behind the crowd, Marlene’s mum watched her with a painstakingly intense gleam in her eyes. She did not speak. She pressed her lips into a thin not-smile when she saw Marlene looking and drifted off toward Magnus.

Marlene tore her gaze away and instead settled on where Finley stood with Lily and Mary. Finley tugged her into a side hug the second she got close enough.

“Look at you, Marley. A whole year older,” he teased.

“Let go, Finn.” She shoved him away with a glare that didn’t mean much.

He smiled in return, sickly sweet, until he gestured toward Lily and Mary, “I’m glad I could finally meet some friends of yours.”

“You’ve met my friends before; you’ve known James and Peter as long as I have,” she reminded him.

He shrugged, “That’s different.”

Marlene rolled her head to the side to look over at Lily and Mary in an exasperated way.

“You two are really putting up with him?”

He put a hand over his chest in mock offence, “They were perfectly interested.”

“Were they?” her tone dripped with sarcasm. “What were you even talking about? Your job?”

“You love my work stories!” he protested.

“Obviously, but–”

“Marlene, it’s fine, I wanted to hear,” Lily interrupted.

Marlene, unconvinced, said, “If you’re so sure.”

Finley barked out a laugh, “I’ll get out of your hair, Marley. But Lily, if you’re interested at all in magical creatures, think about taking the class in your third year. You’d like it.”

“I’ll do that.”

With one more friendly smile and a bump into Marlene’s arm, Finley left the three of them on their own.

Mary threw her arms immediately around Marlene.

“Happy birthday!”

A grin broke across Marlene’s face and she wrapped her arms around Mary tightly. They’d been busy since summer started and had only been able to make phone calls back and forth. Voices transmitted through a crackly system weren’t enough for Marlene. The problem they’d quickly found was that neither Mary nor Lily had quick access to wizard transportation. Marlene could floo to the Potter or Pettigrew home anytime she wanted, but could not do the same with the girls.

It irked her. They were witches. They should’ve been allowed access to whatever that entailed. It seemed quite simple to Marlene.

“Happy birthday,” Lily breathed. “It feels like it's been ages.”

“It’s been a week, Lily.”

“Logically, I know that.”

“But you get what she means right…” Mary got a sly look on her face, “Marley.”

“You will not be calling me that.”

“Oh come on! It’s sweet,” Mary exclaimed.

“Mary,” Marlene warned.

“Okay, um, how about Marls?”

“Why do I need a nickname anyway?” Marlene asked as Lily said,

“Like how you’ve called me Lils?”

Mary pursed her lips and her eyes rolled to the side as she thought.

“Yeah, yeah like that.”

Marlene gave her a cursory glance that meant they were moving on, “I get it, Lily. We lived in the same space for months and now we aren’t seeing each other every day.”

Lily nodded solemnly.

“It’s only the beginning of summer, don’t look so glum. We have time,” Mary said in a scolding tone.

Time was almost always inconceivable. Marlene would swear up and down that she had only met James and Peter a year ago, but it was closer to four. She remembered that first birthday in England – her ninth – but all of a sudden it was her twelfth.

She was talking to Mary and Lily one moment and the blink of an eye sitting at the head of the table with the lights dim. The cake Peter’s mum had baked sat in front of her, white and yellow icing on their fanciest tray. The candles were burning down, dripping wax onto the icing beneath.

Blinking was a slow-motion flutter of eyelashes. The lit candles wavered and that moment would be caught in her head for years to come. Her family and friends stood in a circle around her singing, ‘Happy birthday to you’. Every syllable of words, every out-of-tune voice, and every face surrounding her would stick there and stay there.

One face was evidently missing.

Marlene blew out her candles when the singing came to an end, all twelve of them, and laughed when Fleamont cried out in victory for it. Warmth settled in her chest as she combed over all the people in the room. They were the people who cared.

They were also the people she dragged into a quidditch match minutes after opening her gifts. Most notable was the brand new broom from the Potters and the record player from her mum. Finley had even thrown in some of his older vinyls.

Marlene was one of the first up in the air for the mock quidditch match. Her mum, Peter’s mum, and Euphemia stayed chatting below them. Lily was toeing the line of downright refusing, then looked disgusted when James offered to help her and vehemently declared she’d never do such a thing. Marlene’s little brothers stayed on the ground, too, though they ran around perfectly content to do so.

The rest of them were on brooms. Fleamont, Mary, the whole lot. It was ecstasy. Marlene hit a bludger so far that everyone stopped and watched it fly away, wondering if it’d come back. It did, eventually, ricochet straight back into the game as if it’d been there the whole time.

When Marlene’s team – Finley, Magnus, and Mary – beat James’ team – Peter and Fleamont – a second match was immediately called for. But there was no beating the three kids of a quidditch star and so the next three rounds were won by them again and again and again. Fleamont was the one to call it quits first. With the promise of more food, the rest of them quickly followed.

Marlene was grateful they were finally putting an end to the quidditch games for the day. She loved quidditch in her own right, but it was hard to get away from the reason that love had begun. To impress her father.

He wasn’t even there to impress.

Fleamont took their brooms to put away as the boys gathered the quaffle and bludgers. He paused by Marlene and said,

“Effie and I are planning to go to Gryffindor’s first match, you know. We’ll be cheering you on.”

Bright red blushes of embarrassment stained her cheeks, “I haven’t made the team yet.”

He just smiled, “You will, but we’ll be proud of you either way.”

Marlene did not have her own father’s approval, nor the ability to impress him. She was coming to the realisation that maybe, just maybe, that was okay. Fleamont had never had any expectations of her, only hopes, and yet it still never failed to amaze her how much he cared no matter the outcome. Marlene’s father never managed that. He couldn’t even manage to be at his daughter’s birthday party.

Once Fleamont had walked off to pack away the brooms, Marlene wandered over to Lily. The girl’s eyebrows were furrowed and her forehead creased in question as her head swivelled back and forth. Marlene wasn’t sure what had drawn her attention so much.

Marlene raised an eyebrow at Mary. She too had been following Lily’s line of sight, trying to figure out what she was looking for.

“Is your dad not here?” Lily asked as if the realisation of it had only just kicked in and as if she had been reading Marlene’s mind.

Magnus, who had sat on the ground to wrestle the bludgers back in, had overheard. In the absence of Marlene’s response, he simply told Lily,

“He doesn’t come to these kinds of things.”

He was walking away before anyone could speak to him.

“That’s Magnus, right?” Mary asked.

“Yup, that’s him.”

They paused to watch him go back inside.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Lily said dismissively. “I was trying to think if I’d met your whole family yet, and, well.”

“It’s okay. Magnus isn't wrong, our father has more important things going on. Like work.” A lie, he was at home not doing anything. His quidditch team had a short break and he was off for the week.

Marlene’s mum was watching her from afar. The permanent frown her face held was there but a despairing shine in her eyes told Marlene she had caught the conversation. It was a dodgy subject with her mum, who never could settle into the fact that their family was uprighted.

“You must wish he’d gotten the day off, huh?” Lily asked.

“Something like that.” Marlene’s eyes didn’t leave her mum’s.

“You two should come to mine soon. My parents have almost had enough of hearing about you,” Lily told Marlene and Mary.

“Uh huh,” Marlene mumbled absentmindedly. She was only half-listening.

“My brothers would have a field day meeting you guys, they’ve been obsessed with my stories,” Mary said.

Mary and Lily’s voices faded into the background. Marlene muttered that she’d be right back. She quickly made her way to her mum, who’d pulled away from the central group of the party. With a lack of something to say once she stood by her, she went with,

“Thanks for the record player.”

Her mum’s eyes lightened ever so slightly, but the frown stayed.

“Your brother's idea. You’re welcome.”

Marlene smiled tentatively. Her mum’s eyes penetrated her soul until she pulled Marlene to her in a small hug and settled a kiss on her forehead. Marlene’s eyes fluttered shut and let her mother hold her.

“He was supposed to be here,” her mum mumbled.

“It’s alright.”

Her mum hummed in disagreement. What were they to do? One cannot force a man into something he does not wish for. That could not stop Marlene from hoping, but her mum and the second family that the Potters, Lily, and Mary made up eased her mind.

Chapter Text

They’d made it a point to eat dinner together every night when she got back. It was Mary and her family, all at the same table again. They passed food around and talked over each other. There was laughing and shrieking all at once, but they were all there.

Mary was relaxed in her chair as she took it all in. Her mum, Imogen Macdonald, was one of the quietest at the table but never missed a beat. Two of the kids could be talking to her at once and she would keep up with both. Next to her mum was who Mary had and would always consider her second mum, her maman. Eleanor Bacri had been her mum’s best friend since they’d been in school themselves. She had been the helping hand when Mary’s father had passed, despite having kids of her own and such to take care of.

Maeve and Heidi sat on either side of Mary. They were the eldest in the family separated by only a year. They were respectively six and seven years older than Mary herself. It made her sad, to know for sure they weren’t witches like she was. They’d taken the news of Mary’s being a little harsher than their younger brothers. They were already adults and accustomed to how things were. They had been thrown for a loop when Mary left for Hogwarts. Maeve quickly gathered her wits and came to the conclusion that Mary being a witch was perfectly acceptable and not at all different. Heidi acted normal about it, but Mary had to admit she wasn’t sure of her true thoughts. Mary had found Heidi watching her curiously since she’d been home. She held back any questions that Mary wouldn’t have been bothered to answer, she just hadn’t asked them yet.

Cyrus, two years younger than Mary, had an imagination to rival anyone else’s. He had a brightly radiant energy, and if anyone else in her family was magical, it had to be him. Mary would hold out hope for that until he was past the age of eleven.

Elliot and Theo were twins. Two sides of the same coin, so incredibly similar and never the same all at once. Mary adored them for their own selves and all they were. They were the youngest in the family – with Theo slightly older, which he’d never let anyone forget, and Elliot slightly younger, which he wanted everyone to forget. They were too inquisitive for their age and if they wanted to know something it was not a topic they dropped easily.

“Next year I want to go with Mary to see the train!” Theo said, who’d been protesting their maman's choice to not let him go the first time.

“I told you, we’ll think about it,” Eleanor warned with a smile twisting her lips out of any seriousness.

“Mary, tell Maman you want us to come with you.” He added in a whisper, “She’ll listen to you.”

Mary’s cheeks hurt from how far her smile stretched.

“That’s for Maman to decide, Theo.”

He pouted a moment, slouching down in his seat as if he were thoroughly displeased. He sprung up again and said,

“Then can you tell us the story again?”

“No!” Cyrus exclaimed. “We’ve heard that one three times already.”

The two boys launched into an argument over whether it was worth hearing the story of Mary’s journey to Hogwarts again. To her, it was dull after all those months. The train ride – the first one at least – had felt too long and the only excitement had been after she’d got off and gotten in a boat with Marlene and Lily. But Theo was fascinated so it became the one and only thing he wanted to talk about.

“You should invite those two friends of yours over for dinner soon. We’d love to meet them,” Mary’s mum said over the two fighting boys.

“I’ll call and ask,” Mary nodded.

“The one girl – Lily, right? – she’s like you?” Heidi asked.

“Muggle-born, you mean? Yeah, she is.”

“I still don’t really know what that means, muggle.”

Mary pondered, “I think it just means non-magical.”

Heidi hummed under her breath. Her eyes went straight to Cyrus before jumping back to Mary. A question hesitated on her lips, but instead of asking it, she took a drink of water and went back to eating.

“I don’t know if he’ll be like me,” Mary told her anyway.

The younger boys were still arguing, but her Mum, Maman, Heidi, and Maeve all were intent on listening to Mary.

“Most muggle-borns I met, none of their siblings were witches or wizards. But… we’ll find out next year. That’s when he’d get a letter if he is going to get one.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you alone at that school, Mary,” her mum said in a business-like tone.

“I’m not alone. Lily doesn’t have family there, and Marlene technically doesn’t either. Her brothers are too old or young,” Mary protested.

“Which is exactly why I want to meet them. I don’t want…” her mum trailed off.

Mary’s maman put a comforting hand on her mum’s shoulder.

“I don’t want something to happen to you,” her mum finished.

“I’ll be fine, Mum. Hogwarts is perfectly safe.”

Mary’s mum made a face but she did not say anything else in opposition. The boys had stopped arguing at some point. It left them in a dull hush of lacking conversation. She thinks they’d heard the seriousness in their mum’s voice and gone quiet then.

“We missed you a lot, darling,” Mary’s maman filled the silence with reassurance.

“I missed you, too.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Do you think Marlene will be able to make it that day?”

“Probably, I don’t think she’s ever truly busy.”

“She’s with the Potters most days, isn’t she? Could we give them a ring?”

Lily sighed from the other line,

“They’re pure-blood wizards, Mary. Do you think they own a phone?”

“Good point. I’ll just try again tomorrow.”

“She’ll be home at some point.” Lily paused, then shouted, “I’m almost done, Tuni!”

Petunia had an incessant problem with interrupting their calls.

“Sorry about her. I should go, I’ll see you in a few days. Call before then, though.”

“Course. Bye.”

Lily said her goodbye with Petunia shouting in the background.

It was darker in the house by then. The sun was down and few lights were left on in the house. Theo and Elliot were sure to already be asleep. Mary had only been allowed to call so late to ask Lily and Marlene about dinner at her house, and because it was summer.

As Mary headed to her room, Cyrus called out from his.

“Mary!”

She stopped at the door to his room, pitch black because he refused any light when he slept.

“Yeah?” she called back in a whisper-yell.

“Can you tell me another story?” he asked.

Mary stifled a laugh. She pushed the door closed on her way into his room. He scooted over to make space for her, so she squeezed in beside him on his bed. She remembered being his age, or younger, and asking the same thing of Maeve.

“What story do you want me to tell?”

“The sorting,” he exclaimed quietly.

“Alright, if that’s what you want to hear.”

She told it in great detail, making it twice as magical (if that was at all possible). She told of the doors that had opened from ceiling to floor, and the roof that became a sky of twinkling stars. She talked about the candles constantly floating overhead, burning but never burning out. The hat, and its voice whispering in her head, claiming her for Gryffindor. The feast that had been laid out table by table and all the food there was. His eyes grew wide and filled with a bright gleam until he was blinking away sleep and trying to keep his chin up to hear more. He fell asleep as she kept talking, and only then did her words falter.

He might never see it, none of them would, but the stories brought forth in the best way she could tell them had to be enough. Somebody needed to know it was real, in the dark of the night, when she questioned that maybe she had just been dreaming.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Mary had been nervous when her friends had first shown up for dinner. Looking back on that, there had been absolutely no reason to be.

Lily wove tales of magic better than Mary could. She had even Mary’s older sisters enthralled and leaning toward her intently. When Theo had demanded of her the same thing he did when Mary had gotten home – a recollection of the full year – Lily had obliged without a hint of hesitation.

Marlene, on the other side of Mary, was deep in conversation with Mary’s mums. She spoke quieter than Mary had ever heard her do, but Mary was able to catch a sentence here and there.

“... Professor McGonagall would gladly answer any of your questions…"

"...our headmaster, Dumbledore, is one of the most powerful wizards which makes him the best to look after the school…"

"...you don’t have to worry, it’s safe…”

It was sweet of Marlene. The way she easily consoled them was spectacular. She didn’t even seem to mind, either. Mary wasn’t sure her mum would ever stop truly worrying about her, but she hoped because Marlene grew up as a witch she could help reassure her in a way Mary didn’t know how.

When dinner was done, they all stayed right there, talking and laughing. The sky outside the dining room windows was bright pink with the clouds outlined in silver and practically glowing. A shiver shot up Mary’s spine. Everything was still around her, and perfect in every possible way.

Later into the night, when the sky went from pink to a dark red and a deeper blue, Mary, Lily, and Marlene stood out on the front porch. They were waiting for Mrs. Potter to come apparate them back to their houses. As much of an issue as Lily took with James, she had no problem with his mum.

“Thanks for having us over, Mary,” Marlene said.

Mary grinned, “My mum said you’re welcome back whenever you like.”

“Next time you should come to mine, though,” Lily added. “I’ve gotten to meet your families, but neither of you have met mine.”

“We still have the whole summer,” Mary reminded her.

“I know, but Petunia’s been distant lately. And you don’t call often enough.”

“I’ll call more, then. I might just show up at your house one day, too, with no warning,” Mary joked.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Mary only grinned back playfully.

Marlene nudged Lily, “The Potters don’t have a phone, and I’m usually at theirs, but I’ll start calling morning and night, okay?”

Lily smiled at Marlene softly and mumbled a thanks. She glanced away, off toward the Macdonald’s yard.

“How long do you plan on practising for quidditch with Potter and Pettigrew?” Mary asked Marlene as Lily’s attention was diverted.

“Every day until summer ends,” Marlene said seriously.

“Take a day off here and there for us, okay?”

Marlene snorted, “I will.”

Lily spoke up again, “You have an odd mix of flowers here, Mary. Tiger lilies, marigolds, and magnolias.”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I think Maeve planted those.”

“You know what they’re all called?” Marlene asked.

“I know their scientific names, too. Lilium lancifolium, tagetes, and magnolia grandiflora.”

“How do you know that?” Marlene’s eyebrows flew up with an impressed look.

“My parents are weirdly really into plants. That's why I’m named Lily and my sister is Petunia.”

Mary’s gaze drifted between the three different flowers as the other two girls spoke. There was something about them that she could almost put her finger on.

“Are your middle names also flowers?”

“Thankfully, no. Mine’s Jolene and my sister’s is Joanne.”

“Lily Jolene and Petunia Joanne?”

“We’re way too similar, I know,” Lily laughed.

The particular shade of red-orange of the tiger lily was the exact shade of Lily's hair. The marigolds were planted right next to the tiger lillies. The magnolias, on the other hand, were intertwined around both flowers, like the petals were clinging.

Marlene shrugged, “I think it’s sweet. Isn't it nice to have a sister you have that kind of connection to?”

Before Lily could answer, Mary did.

“Sometimes they’re unbearable, actually. Other times they plant flowers that remind you of your friends," she mumbled the last part.

Both of the girls looked up at her quizzically. Mary motioned towards the flowers individually and to each of them as she said,

“Tiger lilies, Lily. Marigolds, me. Magnolias, Marlene. Tell me there isn’t some sort of similarity there.”

“Now who’s weirdly into plants,” Marlene mumbled, but a small smile clung to her lips.

“I thought my parents were the only ones who thought like that,” Lily commented at the same time.

Mary scoffed and her cheeks tinged red.

“Whatever, never mind.”

“No, no, not never mind,” Marlene laughed as she bumped her shoulder into Mary’s and leaned down to look at the flowers. Marlene crouched and gazed intensely at the three flowers like she was daring herself to look at them how Mary was.

“It’s kind of a beautiful way to see things. I’ve always admired how my parents can see the worth in every part of the world," Lily said.

Mary’s face went even more red. When Marlene stood back up she threw an arm over Mary’s shoulders, clinging to her like the petals of the flower at her feet.

“You remember how you were talking about nicknames the other day?” Marlene asked.

“I remember, Marley.”

Marlene deadpanned, “That’s still not going to happen.”

“You’d prefer Magnolia then? It doesn’t even sound like your name.”

“At least it’s original. Although I wasn’t all too against Marls in the first place," Marlene shrugged. "What I was going to say, was that the marigolds actually do remind me of you. They're the brightest thing around."

Mary might as well have been glowing at Marlene's words.

“You two cannot become as obsessed with flowers as my parents are,” Lily protested from beside them.

“You don’t want to be the tiger lily to our marigold and magnolia?” Mary raised an eyebrow.

“They’re just flowers,” Lily shot back.

“Nothing is just anything. I thought you admired looking at the world as more than it is.”

“Yes, I do,” she admitted.

“What’s the scientific name for the tiger lily again?” Marlene wondered aloud.

“Lilium lancifolium, in the liliaceae family.”

“Liliaceae. That’s pretty,” Marlene said with a soft sigh.

“A mouthful is what it is. It's the scientific family that every type of lily fits under.”

“Well you’re our only Lily, so maybe that’s what we’ll call you,” Mary said slyly.

Lily wrinkled her nose, "Aren't nicknames supposed to be shorter?"

"Just go with it," Mary whispered and leaned into Lily as Marlene tugged them in closer. "See the beauty in yourself, you're comparable to a thousand lilies."

Lily’s bright emerald eyes sparkled under the moonlight.

“You can compare us to every flower out there if that’s what you want, Marigold.”

Mary turned her eyes back toward the small garden at their feet. They stood out starkly amidst the dark of the night. She murmured softly and happily,

“Pretty little things, flowers are.”

Chapter Text

Ice cream walking down the street, popsicles on the porch swing, hanging from the backyard tree, and laying upside down off their beds. Those were the moments with Petunia that made up the month of July for Lily. She had gotten her sister back.

A constant boom-chuck played by their father on the downstairs piano was the background music to their summer.

Lily might as well have forgotten anything was different at all. She could not have been a witch, and she wouldn’t have noticed. Her school books and wand and dozens of quills could all vanish and it would mean absolutely nothing to her. It could all be gone, could have never been there, and she would be one hundred percent okay with it.

It didn’t go away entirely, of course. She made phone calls to Mary and Marlene all the time and went to see them as much. But in her home, next to her older sister, nothing else was real. She had her back and wasn’t letting her go any time soon.

Not that Petunia was letting go either. She was clamouring to be near Lily. Petunia would not leave a room without Lily. They were attached at the hip. They were bone melded to bone and they could not physically be in different places.

They did things they hadn’t done in years.

“Lily,” Petunia whispered in the dark one night.

It had gotten warmer that day, and the little amount of sheets Lily had thrown over herself before bed were stuck to her sweating skin. She peeled her cheek off her pillow and squinted her eyes in the dark at Petunia.

“What time is it?”

“Who cares? Get up, come on, Lulu.” Petunia pulled on Lily’s elbow and dragged her from the remnants of sleep.

Lily stumbled out of her bed. Petunia hadn’t called her Lulu since they were children when she couldn't pronounce Lily correctly. Though, she supposed they still kind of were children.

Petunia immediately stripped the bed of its blankets, throwing them to the floor. The curtains had been opened and a full moon glared at them from the night sky. Petunia was thirteen then, and Lily thought that would have changed her attitude on life, and most of the time it did, but not that summer.

A childlike smile grew and grew on Lily’s face when she realised what Petunia was doing.

She didn’t think they had made a blanket fort together in true and full years, but there Petunia was.

That night, they were seven and eight again, giggling in the darkness. They bumped into each other and tripped over blankets knotted together. They tied the corners of the blankets to their bed frames and covered the floor with pillows. They hopped from pillow to pillow and Petunia slapped a hand over Lily’s mouth when she slipped and let out a shriek. They lay frozen on the ground staring wide-eyed at the doorway. Neither parent came, and the only other noise was the house creaking. Their eyes met and they turned into a laughing mess until they realised that caused just as much noise.

Petunia braided Lily’s hair when Lily asked her to, and they were eight and nine years old again on the morning of a new school year. Lily’s hair had been too frizzy, and Petunia had simply put it in a braid, tied the end with a bow, and went on about her day. They fell asleep there with that memory resonating in her head, beside each other where they belonged.

The next morning over breakfast, their mum asked what all the noise had been the night before. They’d given each other a secret glance and shrugged their shoulders in tandem.

Lily’s hair was still braided sloppily when they ran down the street their house was on, tripping over their shoes. Petunia fell and scraped her knees and inadvertently took Lily down with her. From the concrete, Lily had rolled over and burst into laughter. She held her sides as Petunia stared gape-jawed at her bust-open knees. They were five and six years old again, but neither girl cried over the blood anymore.

Lily helped her up and they went home, beaming at their parents.

It was the best weeks she had with Petunia, really.

It came to an end every few days at a time.

Here and there, Petunia wouldn’t get off the phone, or she’d go into town to meet school friends. Lily would be left at home. Petunia would come back and not even want her in her sight when her friends were around. It was a shot straight to her heart.

It was one of those days, and she’d wandered downstairs. She’d found her father there, but he was no longer playing a boom-chuck. It was something at a faster speed, but it was also sadder, somehow. It had something to do with the way the tempo halted before each note, like a hesitation hanging at the edge of a precipice.

Lily felt each ring of the piano like a reflection of herself. How much more back and forth would she take from Petunia?

She sat on the bench next to her father. He moved over slightly. One note he was playing, a stagnant shrill ping of the piano, he stopped. He nodded for her to continue the note, and she did so, playing it in rhythm with the rest of his playing. His fingers glided across the rest of the piano, smooth and not exactly soothing.

It came to an abrupt stop. Lily played one last shrill note before moving her hand away from the keyboard. Her dad stared down at her with knowing eyes.

“She’s ignoring me again,” Lily mumbled.

“Your sister…” he trailed off, gathering the words best to use. “Your sister has a lot of feelings."

“She’s completely disregarding mine,” Lily said sharply.

“She misses you.”

“She doesn’t act like it.”

He raised his eyebrows in reference to the last few weeks where Petunia hadn’t left her side.

“Fine, she doesn’t act like it all the time.”

“It’s been an adjustment, Lily. We’re all getting used to you being a…” he hesitated for a split second, “witch.”

Their parents had never known that Severus had told Lily she was a witch years ago. Petunia had known. She despised him for it and acted like he was trying to take Lily away from her, and maybe that was how she really thought about it.

The thing was, it wasn’t an adjustment for Lily. It wasn’t even one for Petunia, she had just called Severus absurd so many times she had convinced herself he wasn’t speaking the truth.

But instead of saying all that, Lily went with,

“I know.”

“She’ll come around. Give her time.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

He went back to the not-soothing song and she sat next to him, empty swallowing her whole without her sister there.

Time was telling, and two days later, Petunia wouldn’t let Lily go again.

However they were, whatever they did, they weren’t who they’d been above the age of eleven. They were not the girls separated by schools or titles like ‘muggle’ and ‘muggle-born’. They were sisters, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

They were five years younger and skipping down the street hand in hand or arm in arm. They were each other’s other soul, other half, other, other, other. They did not other themselves from each other, they were one person made up of four hands and four eyes, and two hearts beating in syncopation. They were stronger together, or maybe they weren’t.

They were the girls they’d been a year before they were torn into individuals. They convinced each other they could fly from the roof of their home, but opted not to. The sun was too hot, they said, we won’t make it, they said. We’ll melt and go crashing to the ground again, so let’s stay here and lock the door so they can’t come for us, they said.

Who were the ones who wanted to come for them? That changed every moment. That changed which one of the girls was thinking about it. Lily hated Petunia’s friends with a burning passion. She never caught a glimpse of them, not one sight, but they took her away days at a time, and oh, how Lily hated them. Petunia, well, she did see Lily’s friends. She saw them everywhere and she never told Lily how it drove her crazy.

Lily was years younger at any given time, yearning for her sister's love. Her sister was thirteen and didn’t want to give it. Petunia was years younger, and she needed to be there at all times for her sister, her little sister. Except her little sister wasn’t so little and her little sister kept walking away.

Lily never saw how it bothered Petunia so when she walked away. She never would see it, or would not until the day of Tuni’s wedding.

At nine and ten, they’d found their mother’s wedding dress. Ten years old, Petunia wanted that dress. Nine years old, Lily wanted her sister to not want that dress. At eighteen, Petunia would wear that dress. At seventeen, it had felt so wholly wrong to Lily, but they were no longer at the point where they told each other those types of things.

Day in, and day out, they loathed and loved and couldn’t see past differences and didn’t see them at all. It was like breathing for the first time again and suffocating for years all at once. It was the last summer Lily was able to catch her breath, the last one before all that was left was suffocation.

Chapter Text

Dorcas sat atop the stool next to the toolbox in her father’s garage. Her feet swung, too far away to touch the ground. It reminded her how much time she had spent sitting in that same spot, wondering when her feet would reach the floor. Even that day, it was too far in the future to picture. She had her hands braced against the stool as she leaned forward to watch her dad work. Countless times and still she sat rooted to that spot by her dad.

Parts and pieces flew through the air. Bolts went this way and that as he waved his hand around. Wandless magic. He was extraordinary at it, just like their mum was. She had taught him, years upon years ago. She had never owned a wand; she solely used wandless and wordless magic. While her father had gone to Hogwarts–like Dorcas was–her mum had gone to the Uagadou School of Magic. It was where Dorcas’ sister taught and had also attended.

The British Ministry did not often approve of the ways magic was taught at Uagadou, but that didn’t stop Dorcas’ mum. She was proud of her magic when others didn’t approve of it.

Every move her dad made, a swish of his hand, a crease of his brow in contemplation, she was there for. He spoke softly, explaining as he worked. She liked to listen to him talk, and liked the way he wove words together. His voice was soft amongst the sounds of the garage. He gave her careful explanations that she listened to gratefully. She didn’t always know what he was talking about, but was perfectly happy to learn.

He eventually lapsed into silence, as always, and that’s when she knew he was too far-focussed. She had a similar habit when she was studying. She’d be halfway through a story of this assignment or that to Pandora and realise that an hour had elapsed without a single word from her lips.

The record player in the corner of the garage stopped and the grainy sound of the music cut off. She slid off the stool and made her way over to it to flip it to its B-side. She made barely a sound as she walked. The other two who worked in the shop with her dad may or may not have noticed her there, but she didn’t particularly care either way. They were family friends–the Peters’ and the Atchinsons–as they’d known and worked with Dorcas’ dad since long before she was born. One was another muggle-born wizard, and the other was a half-blood. Their town was a mix of such people, those with and without magic. It was made up of people who had found themselves there mostly by accident and had then simply decided to stay.

The mix of muggles within their town was what kept her dad’s business alive. He’d have no use for it in any other sense. Sure, he’d briefly worked on a team that was responsible for the upkeep of the Hogwarts Express and magical modes of transport. From what Dorcas knew, he didn’t stay too long at that particular job. He didn’t like it enough to.

After flipping the record, which was something from the early 60’s that she had grabbed off their shelf of music, she turned back to look at her dad. He was settled into his work, entirely entranced with it. A faint smile crossed her lips. She took it as her sign to head back into the office building that was attached to the garage. He’d be preoccupied for a while longer and she was allowed to come and go as she pleased.

Two others around her age were sitting behind the front desk. There was Lidia Peters, daughter of the muggle-born man and a year older than Dorcas. Next to her was Jesse Atchinson, one of the two sons of the half-blood and two years older than Dorcas. He had a little brother, Micah, but he didn’t frequent the shop quite like they did. Neither went to Hogwarts, but Beauxbatons and Durmstrang respectively. Dorcas had always found it on the border of odd that Jesse attended Durmstrang, what with their severe lack of acceptance for muggle-borns. While the Atchinsons themselves were not muggle-born, they took no issue with Dorcas’ father. Lidia’s father was born in the Netherlands and therefore admitted to Beauxbatons, and so she went too.

Like she said, they were an odd group.

They barely saw each other during school years. They were often separated throughout different countries with relatively no way back home except on holidays. They were what Dorcas deemed her ‘summer friends’. They all had their own somewhere else.

“You’ve been rather busy,” Lidia commented as Dorcas leaned against the counter.

Dorcas shrugged nonchalantly, “I’ve been practising for quidditch tryouts.”

“Quidditch?” Jesse asked as if it were the most surprising thing in the world.

“Yes. Quidditch,” she nodded resolutely.

“I don’t believe you. There’s no way your parents are letting you do that,” Jesse said with some finality to his tone.

Dorcas tapped her finger against the countertop and inhaled sharply, “I haven’t exactly… mentioned it to them yet.”

Lidia’s eyebrows flew up.

“I wouldn’t think they’d approve of you playing quidditch on a team.”

“My mom loves quidditch!” Dorcas protested.

“Yeah, like, recreationally,” Lidia pointed out.

“Doesn't your dad call it a dangerous excuse for entertainment?” Jesse asked.

Dorcas groaned and slumped forward to drop her head against the table.

“Which is exactly why I haven’t mentioned it,” her words were muffled as she spoke.

So, maybe, when Emma had first broached her with the topic of joining the team, Dorcas had had real reasons to say no. Real reasons made up of Ebele and Reon Meadowes. The problem with that had started when all her resolutions about not joining the team fell away from her grasp and she didn’t want to decline the offer anymore.

It wasn’t just that her father would believe it dangerous or her mum would think it was not anything to take seriously. They would also tell her she was wasting her time on something that would get her nowhere. She would be told that what she needed to put her focus on was her academics.

Dorcas adored her parents, she did. She understood that they wanted the world for her and that they expected her to want it too. They wanted her to have every opportunity that could possibly be bestowed upon her, but that came with expectations. They expected her to reach for the best she could because they expected it to be what she wanted, too. Fortunately for her, that mostly applied to her education. The opportunities they’d gotten for their own schooling when they were her age were limited.

Anything they could perceive as a districation? Off limits, with no ifs, ands, or buts.

“So what, you’re just never going to tell them? What happens if you make the team?” Lidia asked.

Dorcas shrugged slowly,

“I’ll… cross that bridge when I get there.”

“Do you think you’ll make the team in the first place?” Jesse raised an eyebrow.

At that, Dorcas outright grinned. She had always been naturally good at quidditch, but with the extra and consistent practice she’d been getting she was better day by day. That was the luck of a fourth year agreeing to mentor her.

“I’m confident.”

“Who’ve you been practising with anyway?” Jesse wondered aloud.

“Emma Vanity. She’s also in Slytherin.”

“I take it your first year was good, then,” Lidia said.

Discovering how much she truly liked quidditch had definitely been a highlight of her first year. Having Emma there encouraging her was new, and different, and truly enthralling. She wasn’t familiar with that sort of unburdened support. However, that wasn’t close to the best part of her first year. Her chest hurt to think about what was the best, but it was a good type of hurt. Pandora. Dorcas’ closest friend ever. It was a hell of a thing to think, and it hadn’t exactly occurred to Dorcas until they weren’t around each other every day. She hadn’t seen Pandora since school ended; they’d had to stick to writing letters. Both girls were frequently elsewhere. That was just how things went sometimes, but that didn’t make it any better.

Dorcas wasn’t going to talk about any of that.

“Yeah, it was good. I met some really nice people.” She made a face, “And some really not nice people.”

Lidia leaned forward, bracing her elbows against the counter with a mischievous glint in her eyes,

“Do tell.”

“There’s this girl, Marlene McKinnon. I cannot stand her.”

Dorcas launched into what was most likely a rant too long about McKinnon. Lidia sat and dutifully listened to her no matter the length of her speech. She nodded along, and Dorcas didn’t know if it was to be polite or if she was actually interested at all. Pandora always entertained her hate for McKinnon, but everything was genuine with Pandora. Pandora’s sincerity made her second-guess her interactions with other people she knew. How much did they outright say versus what they wanted to? Pandora said every thought that popped into her head.

“Well your parents are sure to be proud of how much that girl makes you want to do schoolwork,” Lidia half-joked.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, though it was true. Anything that motivated her to work harder in school would surely please her mum and dad.

“I’d be trying to find ways to get back at her,” Jesse joked along.

“Eugh, you sound like this group of Gryffindor boys McKinnon hangs around. Don’t even get me started on them.”

Jesse rolled his eyes at her then clapped his hands together,

“Lunch?” he asked.

Lidia nodded enthusiastically, jumping up on the counter as she did just to spin herself around and slide off to the ground next to Dorcas. They went out to lunch almost every other day together, something they’d done since they were kids being sent downtown to grab ice cream with extra change.

Jesse popped into the garage to ask the guys if they wanted them to bring anything back for them to eat as Dorcas and Lidia waited at the door. When Jesse rejoined them, they were out of the shop in a split second and heading further into town.

Everything was built on a slight hill, all the houses and buildings and stores. The majority of the town spilled out at the bottom of the hill, though the garage and the Meadowes’ home were near the very top.

Lidia was practically skipping down with Dorcas and Jesse trailing behind her. It was a good day to be outside. The sun was glaring warm above them and there was not one single cloud in the sky to block it. Empty blue and brightly blinding. Dorcas wondered if Pandora was seeing the same thing she was.

It was a nice thought to occur to her, that Pandora was still living in the same world when it felt like that wasn’t true at all. Pandora might as well have been on another planet. But she wasn’t. She was still right there under the exact same sky with no clouds and a bright sun.

Dorcas lifted a hand over her eyes to block out the worst of it from view. She stared up at that sky, the fingers at her side twitching. Pandora was far, far away, but right next to her, at her side, their knuckles brushing. Pandora had a tendency to lean into the people she knew best. Dorcas wanted her there to lean into back.

Pandora was there in conscience, and far, far away, Dorcas was there for her, too.

Chapter Text

Dorcas’ sister got back home late in the evening. Dorcas, along with her mum and dad, had hiked up to the spot her portkey was coming in. Over the hill and down in the valley below was where they stood waiting for her. It was a muggy-hot summer night and there was very little shade in the valley.

Dorcas bounced up and down on her toes. She had had a month of anticipation in the wait for her sister to tie up any loose ends at the school and come home. She’d had more than enough reason to stay there longer, but Dorcas had wanted her back sooner than that.

They had so much to catch up on. Caimile had missed out on Dorcas leaving for Hogwarts as she’d left for Uagadou weeks before. Though Caimile was older, and often not around, Dorcas needed her terribly. There was nothing complicated about their relationship; she knew Caimile needed her as well. They never had enough time together, but they collected every minute they could like they could save it for eternity. Dorcas would hold those minutes in the hollow of her chest.

Dorcas used to follow Caimile around when they were both younger. She’d trail after her through the house, half-stumbling into her to keep up.

There was a spark of light and Caimile hit the ground in front of them with an old frying pan in hand. She dropped it to the ground along with all the bags she had strapped over her shoulders.

Dorcas took about one half-step forward, on the brink of launching herself straight for Caimile, but never got the chance before her sister picked her up and lifted her off the ground. They tumbled into a hug, clinging tightly together.

Their parents waited for them to finish their moment. When they had, their mum was the second to claim a hug from Caimile. Dorcas’ dad went and collected Caimile’s luggage for her. When Caimile turned back to get it herself, a sappy smile crossed her face. She mumbled ‘thanks’ quietly. They headed back up and over the hill, and then they were there, and Caimile and Dorcas were both home again, exactly how Dorcas had wanted it a month ago.

There was a period of time between getting home and actually being with her sister that was for letting her get reacquainted with being back. Dorcas waited in the kitchen with her mum and they drank tea and listened to the radio. Some soft music played from it and the singer's voice echoed around the kitchen. The sounds of Caimile unpacking and walking from one side of her room to the other reverberated above them. Dorcas read and so did her mum. Her dad came in and out and made himself busy with little tasks.

Caimile came down the stairs. Each step creaked loudly.

A grin stretched across her face, “Waiting on me are you?”

“Just wanted to make sure you get settled in all right.” Their mum stood and passed a mug of tea over to Caimile. She swished her hand over the top and it steamed, warm once again.

“I’m alright, Mama.”

Their mum dropped a kiss on top of Caimile’s head and whispered something Dorcas didn’t hear. Her dad followed their mum out but not before saying,

“I’m glad you’re back home. Get some sleep, okay?”

Caimile smiled bashfully, looking akin to a young child again, standing next to their parent looking so small. When the stairs stopped creaking and their mum and dad were in their room, Caimile turned to look back at Dorcas with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

They weren’t getting any sleep.

There was too much time to make up for, anyhow.

The sisters snuck up quietly to Dorcas’ bedroom, which was past their parents’. Caimile was giggling for whatever reason that she had not made Dorcas aware of. Dorcas sent her looks over her shoulder as they made their way up the stairs, down the hall, and into her room. Caimile shut the door behind them and only then was she careful to be quiet.

Dorcas took up a spot on her bed with her back to the wall. Caimile jumped onto the bed next to her. The mattress dipped and their shoulders bumped together though neither of them minded nor moved. They had been countries apart for just shy of a year.

Caimile nudged her with her elbow.

“You start,” Caimile told her.

Dorcas cracked a grin. The radio downstairs was still playing, oh so softly, ever so quiet. With that, and the faint sounds coming from outside their home, Dorcas started a comprehensive explanation of her full year. She spoke in a hushed whisper but here and there her voice crescendoed. Caimile had tried to let Dorcas talk first, but it quickly dissolved into them swapping stories back and forth with nods and intertwined answers to each other’s stories.

“I’m a Slytherin. I thought I’d be put in Ravenclaw like Dad, and the hat considered it, but I ended up there instead,” Dorcas whispered.

“When they asked me to teach Herbology, I first thought I wouldn’t make a good fit. I also thought it was more of Mum’s profession, but I get why she likes it so much now,” Caimile whispered back

“Pandora was the first one I met at Hogwarts. Now, she’s Ravenclaw, but our house difference doesn’t matter. She’s been away this summer. I hope you’ll be able to meet her soon.”

“I can’t wait to! Most of the people I spent the year with are tens of years older than me. They're knowledgeable, I’ll give you that, but far less entertaining than my friends here.”

“Pandora is more than interesting enough; you’ll like her. I’m doing quidditch now. This other Slytherin girl, I’ve been practising with her.”

“You haven’t told Mama and Dad, have you? I had to start maintaining all the plants the last herbology professor had grown. When I tell you some of those things scare me, I mean it.”

“The plants aren’t too dangerous are they? No, of course I’ve not told them, are you insane? I haven’t even made the team yet. I’ll figure it out when I do. There’s no reason for them to know about it yet.”

“Aw, don’t worry, I can handle the plants. You said when not if you make the team? Are the tryouts just a formality, then?”

“Well, I’m not not making the team.”

A laugh startled out of Caimile and she shook her head, “You have always been determined.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes at her.

“What? You can’t think of any other time this past year you’ve set your mind to something and refused any other option?”

Dorcas’ nose wrinkled. There was one thing – besides her academics – that immediately popped into her mind. She pressed her lips together as Caimile gave her a knowing look.

“Fine, fine! Maybe I can think of one other instance.”

“Like…?” Caimile said in a teasing voice.

“Marlene McKinnon,” Dorcas said in a sour voice.

“And who is Marlene McKinnon?”

She was the girl Dorcas had then brought up to three separate people. She couldn’t seem to help it though; there was something so genuinely annoying about McKinnon that it grated at her.

“Somebody I am going to absolutely obliterate in exams every year from here on out.”

“You do see what I mean by determination, right?”

“Yes!” Dorcas groaned. “Yes, I see what you mean. This time it’s really McKinnon’s fault, though.”

“How so?”

She jumped straight into her usual lecture on Marlene McKinnon. Dorcas knew all too well about her ability to obsess and not let go of certain situations. Pandora must have been able to see it as well but had done Dorcas the courtesy of never mentioning it. Dorcas thought that Pandora might not have minded it about her. Caimile wasn’t going to be the one to come up short in their talks, and so of course she would be the one to point it out.

“I think she is the most infuriating person I’ve ever met!”

“Seriously? You can’t think of anyone else who makes you as mad as she does?”

“No one else comes close. Sure, there’s a ton of others who are a little annoying, but she’s on a different level entirely. You must have students like that, yeah?”

“Some, now that you mention it. Most of my students like to be there, but there are a few out of the bunch who don’t.”

“So you don’t have a student who’s your mortal enemy?”

“Can’t say I do.”

“You’ll get there,” Dorcas said with absolute certainty.

Caimile’s soft laugh became a long sigh.

“You had a good year, didn’t you?” she asked.

“I did. Did you?”

Caimile nodded slowly but surely, “It was amazing. I’m sorry I wasn’t here more often.”

“Don’t worry about it, I mean it. I know how much you like being at Uagadou.”

Caimile sighed again, this time more content than the last. She dropped her head against her sister’s. Downstairs, a man was talking on the radio during the switch from song to song.

They weren’t talking anymore. Dorcas’ eyes felt heavier and heavier, and she wasn’t sure how late it had gotten in the midst of them catching up.

She wasn’t all too sure of the time when she fell asleep either, but she could guess it when she woke. Caimile was shaking her shoulder ever so slightly. Dorcas blinked. Blinked again. The lights were off and there was a blanket around her. The window was open and the barest hint of light seeped into the room from it.

All the sleep was blinked away and she was fully awake. Caimile had already hopped off the bed and was at the open window. Dorcas pushed the blanket aside and grabbed the first jumper she saw in reach of her hands. She tugged it on and followed her sister out past the window ledge.

They couldn’t go too far on the roof. They usually didn’t, nor did they need to. They sat with their backs pressed against the house right next to her window. Their feet were braced on the roof so as to not slide down it – Caimile had once done exactly that when she had still been living at home and Dorcas was really young. It had looked painful. Her hands had been deep red and cut up from scratching down the roof tiling.

Caimile had brought a blanket out with her and both of them only wore socks on their feet. They’d left their shoes downstairs. It wasn’t cold, not really, so Dorcas didn’t mind.

The summer before Caimile left for Uagadou was the first time Dorcas had found her outside her window. Caimile had explained that she came there the night before leaving for school and the day she got home every year. To watch the sunrise one last time before leaving, she would say. She’d asked Dorcas to join her some odd years ago. It was how they spent the morning she’d left for Uagadou that year. It was also how Dorcas had spent the morning the train left for Hogwarts, even though Caimile hadn’t gotten to be there with her.

Their house sat at a perfect spot, with Dorcas’ room and window at the most optimal location to watch the sun crest the horizon.

That morning in 1972 was no different. Hues of colour lit the sky when the sun rose. Neither Dorcas nor her sister broke the silence. It felt too special an occasion to mess it up with voices. They stayed there as long as they possibly could. Which ended up being until they heard their mum calling for them. They had to scramble back inside in fear of being caught.

So little time Dorcas had with Caimile, and so much of it was spent in that exact spot. That time was reserved for the two of them and the two of them alone, and not once were they ever caught there by somebody who didn't belong.

Chapter Text

Mary woke early in the morning from the sunlight that drifted past her curtains. Summers were easy for her in that way. The sun rose quickly into the day and so did she. She wished it could be like that all year–especially during school. She relished in the warmth and the cooling breeze on the air that came with summers. The rainy terrain of Scotland where Hogwarts was located had done her no good.

She made her way into the kitchen. Her mum was surely already at work, but her maman was still there. She would be leaving in just a matter of minutes if Mary had the time right.

“Good morning,” her maman greeted her cheerfully.

“Morning," she said with a yawn.

Mary took a seat at the small table that was tucked into one side of the kitchen. Her maman busied herself from corner to corner of the counter. She eventually turned to face Mary with her hands on her hips.

“You are coming with me today,” she declared.

“I am?” Mary asked as her maman crossed into the other room with no response.

When her maman didn’t come back into the room, Mary got up from her chair and poked her head around the doorway.

“I’m coming with you to the studio?” Mary asked again.

“Yes! I need some extra help today with the younger girls.”

Mary used to go to the dance studio every day with her maman. The wooden floors and the wall of mirrors became her own little world. She can't even remember a time or an age when she didn’t visit the studio at any given chance. Her maman owned the place, as well as taught the girls who were there. Her maman had grown up dancing, and when she introduced it to Mary, she had an immediate love for it. There was a point in her life Mary had aspired to be like her.

Then a letter had shown up along with the professor from a school for magic.

She had not stepped foot into the studio in almost a year. The months had piled up on top of each other, time making itself known as she got further and further from the last day she had danced there. Subsequently, it was also the last day before she left for Hogwarts.

And so, Mary might’ve understood the sentiment on why her maman wanted her to come along, she just didn’t know how to feel about it. It wasn’t as if she’d lost all her skill in those months, but there was no telling how much help she could actually be to her maman.

It almost scared her a little, to think of going back. Because really, there was no going back. It was all different, or at the very least, she was all different.

“Is something wrong?” her maman asked.

Mary, who was no longer lost in her thoughts, jerked her head back up to look at her maman. Her forehead was crinkled with worry she was trying her hardest not to show to Mary. Mary hid her underlying nerves with a laugh,

“Yeah! Yeah, of course. I’ll be ready in a few minutes,”

She turned on her heel and headed back to her room. Her cheeks burned and it might’ve been the wrong course of action. Her mums were protective–too protective sometimes. She didn’t need to let them know how different she intrinsically felt in the aftermath of learning she was a witch. She hadn’t even said so to Lily who would’ve surely understood if she had just said something.

When Mary left her room, she was not dressed in dance-ready clothes. Disappointment flashed across her maman’s face, but Mary didn’t catch it. Mary had no intention to mention the ballet flats hidden away in the bottom of her bag. They were for an ‘if need be’ case, but she didn’t plan on using them.

The drive down to the studio was painful. Passing by the once-familiar scenery on the road her maman always took to go downtown made her head spin. When they got to the studio, the car rumbled to a stop.

Mary stared down the front of the building she had memorised the sight of years ago. There were windows lined up on the wall that showed off the inside of the reception room. A group of younger girls were waiting there in leotards and tights. They couldn’t have been older than seven or so. None of her sort-of friends from before would be there yet–their classes often took place later in the day.

Mary’s maman was already out of the car, but Mary was still there, sitting on that leather seat. Her maman motioned for her to hurry up as she headed inside. Slowly, Mary pushed the door open and slid out of the car. She felt as small as she had the first day she’d been at the studio, but that had been years ago, so that feeling that stuck inside her chest was wholly and utterly wrong.

At what point had she gotten so uncomfortable with the non-magical counterpart of herself?

There was a bell on the door that was supposed to let those in the studio know someone had just walked in. It had been broken for years. Mary found that this time when she walked through the door it was the same—the exact same. The bell hadn’t been fixed.

She glanced around. The phone was in the same spot, the walls were the same colour, and the woman who worked the front desk sat there, unchanged. She looked up when Mary entered, so accustomed to the bell not working that she paid extra attention to the door, even if it was out of her line of sight. The woman recognized her instantly. Mary had been there learning and helping her maman enough that anyone at the studio would.

“Mary! How was your new school?” she asked cheerfully.

“It was good, thanks.”

She gave Mary a wide smile, “That’s great! You can head back there now. Your mum already let the girls into the studio.”

“Thank you,” she fumbled with a smile and brushed past.

She paused at the door and took a deep breath as a last ditch effort to calm her nerves. It shook as she released it. She pushed open the door and went in.

The girls weren’t yet warming up as her maman wasn’t yet in the room. Mary knew they’d be chastised for it. She forgot all about that fact when one of the girls saw her standing by the door and yelled.

“Miss Mary!”

In the next second, the girls were swarming around her. It was most definitely not her first time acting as her maman’s assistant for the day. Most of those girls knew her as such because of it. They usually called her maman ‘Miss Eleanor’ and when Mary had helped out they’d taken to calling her the equivalent.

“Miss Mary, where have you been?” one of the girls asked.

Mary crouched down, with her hands on her knees, to be a height more comparable to them.

“Well,” she started. “I had to go far, far away, you see. To a castle.”

Not technically a lie, she told herself. The girls oohed and ahhed over her words, though at some point she had switched to telling a story that was not the truth. They were young and too enthralled to pick up on the storytelling aspect. They stayed in a circle around her with their eyes wide up until her maman walked in through the door on the opposite wall. They scattered immediately to different areas of the studio, feigning the warm-ups they had not been doing.

Mary’s maman clapped her hands together and they all moved again to stand at the barre. Her maman’s eyes cut over to Mart and she knew instantly that she knew they’d been off task. Mary smiled sheepishly but her maman didn’t look to mind one bit. She could see the happiness Mary was radiating from being back.

From there, the hustle of the class took over. Her maman was commanding yet gentle with the younger girls. She had always been good at teaching. Mary would know, her maman was her own teacher.

Mary remembered it all. All those lessons prancing across the room, the turns, the leaps. It was all so simple, watching it where she was then, from a completely outside perspective. If she could go back and put on those ballet flats and be that age again, would she even want to? She didn’t think she’d ever be able to answer that honestly again. It didn’t feel simple enough to say.

Even if she could no longer feel the want for dance that she had merely a year ago, there was no reason to pull away from the lure of it. Helping the girls younger than her, the ones practically a mirror example of who she’d been, was a new connection to it. It sparked a new passion within her for the girls who still had all the enthusiasm in the world.

At lunchtime, in between two sessions of classes, Mary’s mum came by and dropped off lunch for her and her maman. She worked nearby enough which meant she was easily able to drop in when she had the time.

The second class ran much like the first, albeit with girls a year or two older. They weren’t anyone she would have known even though they did know her. The only ones she wanted to avoid were the girls who had been in her group. By the end of that session, she felt at home again in the studio. She thought herself ridiculous for even thinking she had a reason to not feel any other way.

She waved goodbye to each girl as they ran out to the reception room to be picked up by their parents. She stood with her hands folded behind her back and her maman next to her. Her maman nudged her a little.

“Today’s been good so far, huh?”

Mary grinned, “Yeah, it has.”

“This morning you seemed hesitant to come with me," she commented.

Her maman left her time to respond by not saying any more than she already had.

“This year has been really different,” Mary settled on saying.

Her maman pressed her lips thin.

“I understand. We’re all getting used to your new situation.”

Your new situation was such a tentative way to describe what boiled down to mean magic. What Mary understood was that it was supposed to be kept secret from other muggles, so saying the word magic aloud amid a place filled with them was questionable. However, neither her maman nor mum had put it in simpler words in the comfort of their own home. They always referred to her magic not as such; they would call it anything but.

Mary was mulling over this thought when a girl who had been in her group of classes walked through the door. She caught Mary’s eye and waved. Mary blinked harshly and stepped back into the studio, away from where anyone else could spot her.

Her maman followed.

“Mary?”

“Are you teaching another class today?” Mary asked.

“Yes, I am.”

“With the girls I danced with?”

“Yes, is there something wrong with that?”

“I don’t–I don’t know. It’s like you said, there’s a lot of new things happening. I’m a little tired, could I sit this one out?”

“Of course, Mary. You know you can talk to me if things are becoming too overwhelming?”

“I just need a bit to get used to it, that's all.”

“You don’t have to stop dancing just because you didn’t get the chance when you were at Hogwarts.”

She didn’t agree but nodded accordingly.

“Okay, well, you’ll have to wait here. I have some work I have to do after this class ends, but I’ll try to get it done quickly.”

“That's fine,” Mary mumbled.

Her maman most obviously had more to say, but the class was about to start. Mary left the studio and headed for the only secluded place in the building.

The storage closet held old leotards from past performances they had given. Her maman never saw a reason to ever get rid of anything. That led to there being racks on racks of old dance costumes from years previous. For a while, Mary browsed through them. She had come to the storage room since before she had started dancing with captivating curiosity. She’d always been mesmerised by the costumes.

On the walls hung old posters from the performances. Mary stopped before one from only a year ago. She stood at the forefront of the photograph they had used to advertise it. She was in a first arabesque position with the other girls standing hauntingly behind her.

How many times would she ask herself why it all felt so different, and how many times would she not have an answer?

She stayed in the storage closet for the rest of the time the class took up, sifting through dance magazines and old newspapers. When she’d waited out the time–and then a little more, just in case–she got up and left the room. It was starting to get dark outside and a deathly quiet air filled the studio. Not a soul lingered and her maman must’ve gone to the back office.

The door creaked as Mary walked into the studio. Her bag sat in the corner of the room. The overhead lights were off, with only one side lamp still providing light. Mary crouched next to her bag and pulled out her ballet slippers.

She slipped them on and went to stand at the barre. She traced her fingers down the wood. For a few prolonged moments, she didn’t move past that. She did nothing more than stand there and take it all in. Her hand gripped the barre. She stood taller and started cycling through the five positions.

First,

Second,

Third,

Fourth,

Fifth.

Her hands fell to her sides again.

“Stupid,” she muttered under her breath.

She went through them again. And again. And again. She had no teacher there to correct her, so she corrected herself using everything she’d ever learned. She ran through every piece of advice in her head she could think of. Again, again, again. Do it again. Pure repetition was the best way to improve.

When she paused, her mind drifted back to the poster on the wall of the storage closet. Without even thinking about it, she moved into the starting position for the performance. They had practised it so much she would never not be able to dance it.

She didn’t have the music or the other girls, but that didn’t have to matter. She counted beats in a low voice as she danced. Her footsteps, light as a feather, and her counting were the only sounds. She could hear the music in her head amidst the deafening silence. It filled the room when it wasn’t actually there.

Around and around the studio she went, all until the final note struck in her head and she came to a resounding stop. She lingered in that last pose, breathing hard and quick.

A part of herself had not been lost with the discovery of something new. It was contrary to that belief she had seemingly clung to for dear life. She may have been changed, but it had not made her into someone new. She had thought it to be akin to weeds growing between the most beautiful of flowers, but she was quite wrong. No, there were no weeds, only new flowers blooming and tangling around the old ones.

Chapter Text

“... AND HE SCORES! THAT PUTS THE BALLYCASTLE BATS AHEAD 110 TO 100!”

Down below the players that rocketed through the air was Marlene’s father. He paced the grass of the pitch with his eyes trained upward on his players. The game was going to be a close one. The teams were equally matched, which meant it would all come down to the seekers on each team.

Marlene knew her father was worrying about it. His seeker had recently taken a hard blow in a previous game. Marlene overheard the conversation the player had had with her father. It had taken him almost too long to convince her father that he was at his best and could perform as such in the game.

Marlene thought that no amount of effort he could have put into that argument could convince her father, but it did. He put that player in instead of one of their reserves. Marlene could only guess that he would be benched for another week if he lost the game.

She searched for the seeker in the cloudless sky. He was darting around the pitch, almost frantic about it. The sting of her father’s disapproval could motivate anybody to be the best they could possibly be. Marlene had the unfortunate knowledge that nothing would please him when it came to her. He would find a reason to be dissatisfied no matter what, even one that wasn’t the fault of anybody.

Beside her, her mum sat with one leg crossed over the other. Marlene’s brothers were seated in a line next to her. She sipped at a glass of what Marlene assumed to be pumpkin juice. She wasn’t watching the game; her gaze was far off toward the stars above. She never paid any attention anymore. Marlene could only empathise with her. This quidditch was not her quidditch. She didn't take any interest in watching the sport anymore. She only cared to play it herself. Her mum, though, she had lost all interest.

Finley was the furthest away from Marlene and their mum. She’d watched as he’d disappeared and reappeared through different points of the night. Marlene was sure she was the only one to have noticed. Her little brother Fletcher sat on the other side of their mum, swinging his legs from where he sat on his chair. He was the age where he was still entertained enough by the games. Magnus cradled the newest addition to their family–little baby Miles–while he stood next to his girlfriend Nella. Marlene had not seen her in months and had pretty much assumed they’d split. But she’d shown up at that first summer game and came along to all the ones after.

It was the same charade every night.

The seven of them would use a portkey, or perhaps the floo, and arrive early to all the games her father wanted them to be at. Sometimes, it wouldn’t even be a game his team was playing.

Marlene liked quidditch–that was what she told everyone. She loved quidditch, it was her life, and she couldn’t get enough of it. Those were all her own words. No one forced them out of her mouth.

The fact of the matter was that quidditch was always going to be part of her life. It was built in; she couldn’t have changed that. It had been there since her very birth. She had pictures of herself as a baby dressed in the black and scarlet colours of the team. She’d been told she’d make an amazing quidditch player since she was a young girl. She’d been compared to her brothers in that sense, told that she could do even better than them. She wasn’t given a chance for anything else.

Right outside their box that sat up high above the crowd was the screaming, cheering, and chanting of the fans. Their rallying cries were muffled from where she sat inside.

Families of the players were celebrating behind her, a mirror image of the fans. There were tables of food laid out all neatly for them. There was butterbeer, firewhiskey, pumpkin pasties, you name it and they had it. The whole of it was extreme. It was too much to do for a handful of people. It stunk of the wealth that quidditch brought in every year. They were seeping in it. Everyone around her sported robes that must’ve cost them a fortune. Sometimes Marlene thought it wasn’t justified how much quidditch players were paid. The entertainment wasn’t worth the means. Not all the time. Not what it had cost the McKinnons.

Marlene slid down in her seat. The itchy dress she’d been forced into scratched against her legs. She yanked the fabric down to her knees and tried her hardest to envision herself elsewhere. Elsewhere included under Lily’s bed in Hogwarts, next to her friends, instead of in the top box of what she swore was the hundredth game she was dragged to.

Below her, her father jumped up and started screaming into the air. With reluctant curiosity, Marlene fixated her gaze upward. The two seekers were having it out for the snitch. They were neck in neck, arms outstretched, pursuing the golden ball that was just out of reach.

The Bat’s seeker caught it; her father’s seeker caught it.

Screams erupted about the room. A man rushed toward the display of windows. He knocked harshly into her chair and spilled the glass of dark red wine in his hand straight on her lap. He didn’t even notice, too preoccupied with people Marlene couldn’t stand to care what had happened. Marlene let out a shriek of frustration.

“Oh no,” her mum said in an airy voice as she reached for the hem of the dress.

Marlene stepped back harshly. Her mum went to stand. She was perplexed by Marlene’s reaction. A question was on her lips as Marlene pulled away again.

“I’m going to find the loo.”

She disappeared into the crowd of cheering fans. Her shoulders were hiked up to her ears. Her chest was on fire in the most uncomfortable of ways. She flung the door to the loo open to find Finley sitting on the ground with a half-depleted bottle of firewhiskey in hand.

They stared at each other in complete silence. The muffled sounds from the main room were nothing compared to the sharp ringing that was filling Marlene’s ears. She groaned aloud and headed for the sink. The door fell shut behind her, resoundingly loud.

“You’re not going to–”

“Tell Mum you spent the game on the floor of the loo? No.”

Finley didn’t say anything as she started scrubbing the front of her dress with water and paper towels that soaked an instant red.

“That’s not going to–”

“I don’t care,” she mumbled frustratedly.

“I mean it, Marley. That’s only going to make things worse.”

“Whatever.”

He pushed himself off the blindingly white tiles and set the bottle of firewhiskey down. Bile rose in her throat. She clamped her teeth shut when the urging feeling of throwing up heightened.

“Let me help.”

He reached forward to do so. She turned her back sharply to him and kept scrubbing down the skirt of the dress. The teal colour she had always hated was stained. The red colour had seeped down into it, turning it dark purple. She didn’t care about the dress, not one bit. It was too old, too short, too itchy. The list went on. But her frustration wasn’t about the dress.

Finley set a hand on her shoulder to urge her to turn back around. She stood stiff where she was in silent refusal.

“C’mon, you’ll mess it up doing that.”

“What do you care?” she snapped.

He dropped his hand. From the corner of her eye, she could see his exact reaction in the mirror. His shoulders slumped and his face twisted into unreadable incredulity.

“Why wouldn't I?”

Marlene crossed her arms over her aching, burning chest. Her breath caught in her lungs and tangled in her ribs, never letting her get enough air.

“You don't act like my brother most of the time. You’re always gone now.”

At that, he took a step back. He turned away so that neither one was remotely near the other. She couldn’t face her brothers–her parents–like she used to. It stung that they knew exactly why. It hurt that they acted the same way.

“Not always.” It was a strained response.

“Often, then,” she corrected sharply.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, Finn. It’s not your fault.”

“You only say that because you blame yourself, Marley. Connie didn’t die because of you. Our family isn’t… isn’t like this because of you.”

But Marlene was Connie’s sister. She was her older sister; she was supposed to take care of her. That's what older sisters did.

“I’m moving out. When summer ends,” Finley told her.

Why can’t he stay? She pleaded to the universe. Why do they keep leaving?

“I haven’t told Mum yet. Marlene, I know it all feels so… fresh. It’s only been three years since she passed. But please, don’t stay mad forever.” He sounded so resigned.

“I’m not mad, Finn.” The words grated through her throat.

“Aren’t you, though? You’re mad when it rains, you’re mad at Dad, you’re mad all the time.”

“You don’t think that’s justified? I was with her when she died–I… I… how do I…”

“Truth be told, I don’t know. You need to find a way to be okay, or make peace, or whatever you want to call it.”

“And you have?”

“No," he conceded. "That's why I need to move out.”

Marlene spun around and took the one necessary step to be able to throw her arms around Finn’s back. He didn’t have the ability to turn around, so he settled on placing a hand over her hands that were tangled together. She muffled her crying into the back of his shirt. It was unfair of her to tell him he was never around anymore. He was there for her more than her mum or father anyhow, and he did try.

But he lost a sister, too.

“Hey, Marley?”

“Mhm?”

“I think you should bring James and Peter to the rest of these games, okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered.

She backed away from him and wiped at her face. She sniffed loudly, to which he made a disgusted face and shoved a paper towel toward her.

“Gross, Marley.”

She batted his hand away instinctively,

“I’m not a little kid, Finn!”

He gasped as if it were a horror to hear, “You’re not? When did that happen?”

There was a certain mirth to his words he used to bury the true distress of the statement. The three years beforehand had gone and flown straight away from them. It had left Marlene floundering to understand everything that had happened. Her brain felt muddled from the tragedy that lurked in the shadows and made itself known in every bad night she’d ever had. She’d chosen to walk down a different path than her brothers had; she continued down the one that perpetuated her hurt and anger when they walked the other trying to get better.

She and Finley went back and forth in insults, making jabs at each other in a childlike manner. Marlene forgot about the firewhiskey that agitated her so much. She forgot that she was supposed to be angry at the world.

It was so much easier to enjoy herself than to use faked merriment in distraction.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Bringing James Potter and Peter Pettigrew to a professional quidditch game turned out to be the worst possible idea. Was it worse than sitting alone stewing in less-than-good feelings? She was honestly debating between the two, but it only took twenty minutes for her to reach the conclusion that, yes, yes this is worse.

“Someone is going to notice,” she hissed at James and Peter.

“Who? Everyone out there is distracted by the game,” James pointed out.

They were currently in the middle of crawling underneath the rafters of the pitch. The wooden boards that held up the stands caged them in. There was little room to move all that much, besides forward or back from where they came. Directly above them was the resounding sound of feet stomping on the bleachers, screaming and whistling, and the creak of wood.

Marlene’s heart was thudding loud in her ears and she swore she could hear her blood rushing through her veins. She had two resulting simultaneous thoughts due to it: no wonder the boys do this all the time and no wonder Peter’s always scared to get caught.

About a week beforehand, Marlene had convinced James and Peter to attend her father’s next quidditch game with her. She’d wanted Lily and Mary to come along–she’d almost gone and tried to persuade their parents herself–but it led to nothing, and they couldn’t. James and Peter had no reason to say no and were more than happy to come to 'support' the team with her.

The first problem hit when James realised the opposing team was one he favoured. She hadn’t mentioned who her father’s team was playing. It had been truly insignificant information to her; her father would expect her to root for his team and it wasn’t another that she cared for. So, when they’d gotten to the pitch and James had spotted the other team, he’d erupted into his personal brand of chaos.

“YES! TAKE THAT!” he screamed with all the air in his lungs when the opposing team scored yet another goal.

Marlene roughly yanked at his elbow, “James, you cannot cheer for the other team here.”

“It’s all in good spirit,” he’d insisted.

An encroaching amount of onlookers had begun to eye the three of them as James continued to cheer. Marlene had exchanged a look with Peter, and it was only a mere few seconds before they were dragging him out into the main section of stands.

“I meant it, Potter! Everybody in there knows or is related to a player on my dad’s team.” Marlene crossed her arms sternly.

“Sirius would cheer with me if he was here,” James said as if that would change anything.

“Well Black isn’t here, is he?”

“I’d like to add that Remus wouldn’t,” Peter looked between the two of them. “And y’know, he’s the sensible one.”

“Remus doesn’t care about quidditch in the first place,” James protested.

Marlene huffed and threw her hands in the air. She turned back to the game that her father’s team was severely losing in. She’d heard him talking strategy early. He’d needed this win for the season, but Marlene didn’t think he was going to get it.

“It’s funny, my dad bought fireworks and everything for when they won,” she told them, then added in her head, how presumptuous of him.

That was the second problem of the night. She should’ve kept her mouth closed about the fireworks. Merlin should've known mentioning explosives in the vicinity of one James Potter was a mistake to not make.

“Oh no,” Peter muttered.

James had a far-off look in his eyes like a great idea was brewing and he was about to connect all the dots to make it the best scheme in the world. A grin stretched across his face.

“Marlene?” he asked with a twinge in his voice that could’ve set anybody on edge.

She hesitated, "... Yeah?"

“Do you happen to know where those fireworks are?”

Peter was shaking his head violently at her. Marlene practically heard her mum’s voice in her head telling her to not do something that would ruin her father’s game.

“I do, actually. What're you thinking?”

That was what led them to underneath the rafters. There was an office for the coaches near the booth the announcers sat in. That’s where her father had left–very conveniently–a full bag of fireworks. It wasn’t a place they could walk up to. The office was locked from the outside unless you got in through the announcer's booth. There was no way to get a key since none of them could guess who would have one and there was always too much happening around the announcers for that to be a viable option.

That was when Peter remembered most quidditch pitches were set up the exact same way. Marlene didn’t query into why he knew that, or why it meant he knew the layout of the pitch. For whatever reason it was, he had remembered that there was a staircase built into the main tower of the stands that held the announcer's booth and coach's office.

Marlene’s first choice was to not climb through the cramped dusty rafters. She was outvoted. To the rafters, they went.

Her elbows scraped against the harsh ground beneath her when she had to duck beneath a lower-placed wood panel. She had to narrowly avoid James kicking her in the face. Peter, who was leading the way, kept coming to abrupt stops to redirect them. James had tucked his glasses away in a pocket so there was no chance they’d be crushed but Marlene feared that meant the shoe in her face would soon be a shoe that hit her face.

“We have to climb up.” Peter’s voice cut through the sharp breaths they’d been taking after the exertion of climbing over and under rafters.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Marlene muttered under her breath.

“I’m not,” Peter said glumly.

“You know who it would be great to have here?” James piped up.

“Who?” Marlene raised an eyebrow he couldn’t see.

“Sirius!”

“Really?” She deadpanned, “I was thinking Lily. I know she knows some spells that could help us out.”

“Yeah, but Evans can’t use spells outside of Hogwarts.”

“Please! This place is seeped in so much magic no one would be able to trace it back to her.”

“Marlene has a point, but it’s not going to help us now," Peter cut in.

Marlene groaned and dropped her head to the ground. Her dark hair had grown too long for her taste. She brushed it out of her eyes and peered past James to see where they needed to climb.

“I shouldn't have brought you two.”

“Well then you’d be having no fun,” James said joyfully.

Marlene cracked a grin.

“Alright, fine. Go on up, Pete.”

Peter started the climb with James and Marlene following close behind. She was bracketed in on all sides and the thought of falling forced her to never look down. It was different, being that high off the ground when she wasn’t flying. There was no broom beneath her to steadily hold onto, only the panels and notches of wood.

James halted, his shoe almost colliding with Marlene’s face again. He looked over his shoulder and her stomach swooped at the reminder of how far down he must have been able to see.

“We need to climb on the beam ahead and walk on it to get to the stairs,” he informed her.

She gritted her teeth, “It’s almost like you two have done this before.”

James let out a bark of laughter that he quickly suppressed. It told Marlene all she needed to know–they had done this exact thing before. Honestly, she thought. It was exasperating to be unintentionally pulled into another one of their pranks, but this time it might as well have been the consequences of her own actions. She should have known by that point that James couldn’t take more than a few steps outside his house without causing trouble.

When both James and Peter were successfully on the beam, Marlene hoisted herself up onto it. She had to drag herself up on her stomach and grab hold of a beam that crisscrossed the one they stood on to manage to get on her feet.

Their walk to the stairs from there was shorter. They were built into the side of the rafters and went up to the ceiling that boxed them in. It was too dark to see where they led or where they’d emerge from, so Marlene had to trust Peter knew what he was doing.

Once on the stairs, Marlene glanced back down over her shoulder.

“Couldn’t we have found the bottom of the stairs? That would’ve saved us a lot of time,” she said.

“We’ve tried that already,” Peter said with no more explanation.

Marlene dismissed the notion of asking what he meant just as quickly as it had come to her. They continued up the stairs, which seemed to have never been used. Maybe they were for maintenance of some sort. Only once she saw the light at the top that cut through the darkness did she realise they were back up to the tower.

“Couldn’t we have–”

Peter cut her off, “Gone in through the door at the back of the tower? It’s locked for officials only.”

“This is a very specific situation to have complete knowledge of, Pettigrew.”

“I know,” he said calmly, as if there was no reason for her to hold such curiosity for what he did and didn’t know.

They were more cautious as they headed up the main stairs. They didn’t need to be; everybody else was outside watching the game. When they got to the door of the coach's office, Marlene peeked in through the sliver of a window. They were in the clear.

Marlene shooed James and Peter back from the door and hoped her earlier statement about no one being able to trace her underage magic was true. She tapped her wand against the handle and whispered the unlocking spell under her breath. She pushed the door open and spread her arms in a celebratory show.

“Voila!”

James shot forward into the room with an excited pep to him.

“Does he always get like this with your guys’ pranks?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Marlene found the fireworks in only a few seconds, having already known where her father had put them. James had been wandering around the room and Marlene truly didn’t know if he’d been looking for what they needed or just exploring.

“Hurry up, you two. The game is bound to end sooner than later,” Marlene reminded them.

When neither responded, she wandered up to the windows they stood at. The opposing team was so far ahead in points it was embarrassing. Marlene thought her father hadn’t accounted for the new players they had hired, who were skill levels above her father’s players.

They stood there until they saw the two seekers competing for the snitch.

As the two players raced through the air, the three of them exchanged glances. They pushed each other to get out the door and raced down the stairs. Marlene’s heart skipped multiple beats when her feet almost skipped multiple steps.

“Go go go go go,” Marlene shrieked.

They got out into the dark night lit up only by the field lights and stars right when the opposing team won the game. James started screaming into the sky, his arms held up in glory. He jumped up and down, grabbing Marlene and Peter with him. Marlene could see her father standing on the field, staring at the ground in disdain and defeat.

Marlene was the first of them to set off a firework, to set their plan in motion. It echoed high above the crowds, who went wild when they saw the bright pop of colour. James had wanted to use the fireworks for exactly that–against her father's team. Again, and again she set them off. With each explosion, it felt like retribution. For years, her ears had rang with the sound of skidding tires and her head had reverberated the sound of the crash that took her sister from her. The deathly loud and piercing boom of the fireworks that rattled the stands would replace that sound.

She didn't need to be mad; she needed to live.

Chapter Text

The Evans home had an old swing on the front porch. It was strung up by rusty chains and the white paint had been peeling off of it for years. Lily sat on that swing on many occasions, but she most often used it to wait for Severus. He didn’t like to go inside her house and didn’t want her in his.

Lily swung back and forth slowly with her eyes closed and her head resting against the top of the swing. As she rocked back and forth, the light patter of feet against the stairs sounded. The cadence of the steps told her immediately who it was. Lily opened her eyes with sunlight streaming over her face. Flecks of gold caught in the green of her eyes. She squinted against the harshness of the light and brought a hand up to shield her face.

Lily eyed Severus up and down. He needed more sun, she’d decided long ago. His skin was almost always borderline sallow, his eyes dark and dreary. She grinned up at him, making a show of it just because she knew what his reaction would be in turn. He smiled back. He always smiled back.

Granted, he didn’t give half the enthusiasm she exuded. Lily was able to draw it out of him every once in a while. It was easier when they were younger, but it seemed the farther they got out of Spinner's End, the farther they left those simple years.

It was important to note that Severus’ mum was the most secluded pure-blood witch in the history of pure-blood witches. Lily had never met her, but she sure had seen her. She was always standing just inside the Snape house, at the front windows, watching. The curious thing was that she was never watching her son. Lily. Her eyes always followed Lily. Severus’ father was the exact opposite of Eileen Snape. He was explosive. Even more so since Severus started at Hogwarts. He didn’t want Severus at the school, but he didn’t want him around either. Maybe Severus didn't have years he could think of as 'simple'.

Lily… well, Lily’s issues with her sister were already well articulated. As the months of summer dwindled, Petunia had gotten worse again. The sisters were complicated beyond explanation.

“Ready?” Severus asked.

“Almost!”

She jumped up off the swing and made her way to the bottom of the steps. She sat with Severus still hovering over her in wait. She reached for the roller skates at the foot of the steps and slipped them on. She laced them up tightly until they were snug on her feet.

Lily tilted her head back. Severus crooked an eyebrow at her. She held a hand up with a knowing smile on her face. He snorted but took her hand anyway and helped her to her feet. He obliged in helping her roll down to the street as well, and off they went.

Eileen Snape’s eyes tracked the back of Lily’s head until she was out of sight.

Once they got moving, Lily let go of Severus’ hand and found her footing for herself. She skated as slowly as she could in a gentle side-to-side motion. Severus walked alongside, just far enough away that she wouldn’t bump into him.

“I don’t know why you insist on wearing those.”

“I like to do things that inspire joy. “

His immediate sceptical demeanour tempted her to say,

“Join me sometime, why don’t you?”

She pivoted on the wheels of her skate to be face-to-face with Severus. He eyed her wearily.

“I mean it, Sev. There’s an extra pair of skates in my upstairs closet. You say the word and we can go get them.”

He scoffed, “Come on, Lily.”

“That’s not an answer,” she said in a singsong voice.

“Have you finished your summer reading?” he deflected.

“Almost, but I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about right now.”

“I finished it a week ago. I’ve had nothing else to do.”

“Oh, well, I believe I’ve offered something great that you could do right now.”

He dodged her as she skated toward him. He gave her a sly, almost teasing, smile in doing so. She reached again and tried to pull him backward. The issue for her ended up that while she was on wheels, Severus was not. With her hand held tightly on his arm, all he did was drag her further forward.

“Wasn’t our plan to go into town? We’d have to go back to your house to get the skates.”

“So? It’s a two-minute walk.”

“Exactly.”

“Joy in the little things, Severus. Please.”

“No.”

“A half hour. I won’t ask for more than that.”

“Lily, no.”

“It’s just roller skating, Sev. I’m not asking you to do anything crazy.”

“What’s crazy by your standards?”

Lily hummed, “Roller skating all the way to Hogwarts would be crazy.”

He snorted again and rolled his eyes. So quick to dismiss anything new. She shook his arm a bit,

“But around the neighbourhood for an hour isn’t crazy in the slightest.”

In feigned outrage he said, “You said a half hour before!”

Lily bit at her cheek to suppress the urge to laugh. He only stared back before sighing in the most exaggerated way he could have. She didn’t have to ask or wait for him to say something to know that meant he was conceding to the idea. She grinned in triumph and then the way back to her house, humming happily to herself.

Severus had never much had the ability to jump into an idea without a second thought. Sometimes she wished he would, even if it was just once or twice. There was so much around them that he would miss if he hesitated too often. She had a fear he would have regrets when looking back on his life. Maybe that was merely the type of person he was, but she figured if there were amazing experiences out there, he deserved to enjoy them.

Lily knew she took life too seriously a lot of the time. She had justified most of it to herself, like her schoolwork and magic. She couldn’t take those two matters lightly and that was never going to change. But in starting Hogwarts and meeting new people–Mary and Marlene above everyone else–she realised she had much more to learn than what she could in potions or charms. It had opened her up to new beginnings she would have not entertained before the fact.

Severus didn’t feel the same way. That much was obvious.

He hadn’t had any sort of life learning curve or a big revelation. Lily had her girls and Severus had… Lily. Cynicality didn’t fit him and yet he’d resigned himself to it. He’d been a quiet kid, but he’d had a sense of lightheartedness back then. She missed it in him.

Forget roller skating all the way to Hogwarts, what was truly crazy was how much could change in a year because of one school.

“I’ll go in and grab the skates real quick. Stay here,” Lily told him when they reached her house.

The wheels of her skates that she hadn’t bothered to take off clunked on the stairs. If her mum or dad saw her, they’d probably scold her and say she could break her neck running up the stairs like that.

Lily paused at the top of the steps. The voices of Petunia’s friends drifted from her room. Lily shook her head fiercely and turned to the closet. The only other pair they had were older and more beaten up, but they’d fit Severus and that was all that mattered. Lily was more careful on her way down the stairs. She was subdued by the sound of Petunia and her friends and the energy she’d run into the house with had depleted some.

The glimpse of Severus’ worried look about the skates in her hand brought it back.

“It’ll be fine, Sev,” she reminded him gently.

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t be.”

“You didn’t have to. Sit.” She motioned toward the step where she had sat to tie her own skates earlier.

He pulled off his shoes when he did and yanked on the roller skates. He started to lace them up–too loose she might add–so she batted his hand away to do it herself. His face went bright red, and pink splotches filled his cheeks.

“I can do that myself,” he mumbled.

She yanked the laces tight-as-could-be in response. This time, it was her guiding him down to the pavement. She was steady on her feet with Severus’ hands firmly gripping hers. His whole body was shaking as he rolled forward with her. He was hunched over as if that would help anything (Lily knew from experience it only made it worse).

“You need to relax,” she laughed.

Lily was perfectly fine skating backward on her own, but Severus’ wobbling threatened to throw her off balance. He refused to take his eyes off his feet when he needed to be looking up at where he was going. Lily opened her mouth to offer some instruction, but he cut her off by saying,

“I can’t do this.”

He yanked his hands away and promptly fell straight onto his back. His feet rolled out from under him in an almost comical way that had Lily stifling laughter. Lily rolled forward slowly until she was right at his side. He looked to be more embarrassed than hurt, with his hands covering his eyes and a grimace etched across his face.

Lily crouched down and tapped the back of one of his hands. He dragged them down his face and stared up at her. She pursed her lips at him.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

She held her hands up in defence,

“I’m not! I swear.”

“I told you this was a bad idea.”

Lily stood and extended a hand for him to take,

“Don’t give up just yet.”

So he didn’t.

He took her hand like it was something easily broken, but he took her hand nonetheless. She picked him back up and put him on his–albeit wobbly–feet. That was how they spent the rest of their morning together. Lily wouldn’t give up the grin on her face or the determination to help Severus. She yanked him back up every time he fell until his knees were bruised, his elbows scraped, and she had gone down with him too. She kept doing so until he’d gotten it.

Severus skated down the pavement all on his own, with no aid necessary to keep him going. He turned and skated back as well just because he could and he wanted her to see that he could.

Lily knew that he didn’t have somebody in his family to be proud of him. She was always proud of him, though. He came from bleak parents living on a mundane street that never saw the sun, and he was so much better than all of it. He could reach for so much more and she wanted to show him that.

He grabbed onto her arms when he drew closer to keep himself from rolling away. The smile that had been plastered all over his face for the better part of the hour was still there. He was laughing breathlessly in a way that brightened his features. He never looked happy all the time, it was honestly too rare an occurrence that happened, but Lily glowed knowing she could make him happier.

She hadn’t even realised they’d ended up right in front of his house.

She didn’t even hear the door open, or the woman who stepped outside it. Why would she? Mrs. Snape had never gone past the windows before.

“Severus?” she called.

He immediately let go of Lily’s arms. It caused him to move away from her, but he didn’t panic or fall. He tilted his head to the side as he looked at Mrs. Snape. He didn't say anything back, but Lily couldn't tell if Mrs. Snape had expected him to.

Almost as if she could hear Lily thinking about her, her eyes cut over to her. Lily froze under what wasn’t necessarily a scrutinising gaze. Mrs. Snape’s eyes were like her son’s, but somehow brought out a worse sense of woe on her.

“Come in for lunch, Severus. You can bring your friend.”

Mrs. Snape went back inside. The hinges on the door creaked and it didn’t quite fully shut. Lily’s lips were parted and her eyes wide in what anyone could’ve taken as a look of pure surprise. Not once had Mrs. Snape ever dared speak aloud where Lily could hear before. She had been a ghost behind curtains for as many years. She haunted the Snape family home with her presence, but nothing further than that. Not the pavement, not the street, not anything beyond the foggy glass she stood just behind.

Severus had his eyebrows scrunched together and his face contorted into something painful beside Lily. She reached out and only barely let her fingertips settle on his arm in an offer of mild comfort. She knew most of his complicated feelings toward his parents were directed at his father. If it was just him and his mum, maybe they would be better off. But his mother would never leave, even if his father being there was what made her into that ghost. It reminded Lily a little of how Marlene spoke of her family, but she knew better than to tell Severus that.

“I don’t have to go in if you don’t want me to. I can go home,” Lily offered.

He shook his head slowly.

“If Mum’s alright with it… I am, too.”

He skated forward to the cracked and sinking steps and took a seat on the bottom one. He started unlacing his and Lily took the hint to do the same. He was quiet, though he often was, and they left the roller skates at the bottom of the steps when they went inside.

The first thing Lily noticed was the lack of colour. The walls were grey under fading lights. There was a coat rack with one dark jumper hanging from it. Besides that, and some wooden stairs that led up into a darker upstairs, not much occupied the front hall of the Snape home.

Lily followed Severus into the main room, filled with one brown chair and a sofa. Deep green pillows were stacked on the corners of the sofa, looking beaten and old to the point she almost hadn't realised they were supposed to be green. Bookshelves stood against the walls filled with novels that could have been muggle or magical and Lily would never be able to guess which.

She bore the thought that she was the brightest and most colour-filled thing in the room. She stood out with hair bright red and a yellow jumper that looked like the sun among storm clouds. She shifted from foot to foot as her eyes climbed the walls and over the ceiling, taking in Severus’ home.

Lily considered her childhood over in the sense that all she knew from it–her sister, her old school–were figments of the past. But in a house like this, did Severus even have a childhood? Sadness lurked in the corner and the anger was most evidently there, as if they stood in a painting of a hurricane whose waters were lashing out.

The kitchen was attached directly to the parlour. Severus headed immediately there. His mum was at the window above the sink with her hands braced on the edge of the counter. There were two plates laid out on the table, simple sandwiches, not much more.

“Sorry dear, I don’t know what you like,” she murmured, almost to no one, until she turned to peer at Lily.

“This is great, thank you,” Lily smiled.

Lily sat at one of the chairs at the table when Severus did. Mrs. Snape looked her up and down the whole time like there was something she needed to figure out.

“Muggle-born, aren’t you?” Mrs. Snape finally asked.

“Mum,” the word was barely a breath out of Severus’ mouth.

“But still a witch, right?”

Lily fumbled for an answer, “Uh, yes. Yes, I am.”

“Good, good,” she mumbled under her breath.

Severus shoved the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and stood instantly. Lily, all the while, was still grasping for something else to say.

“Can we go upstairs?” Severus asked.

Her eyes jumped to Lily once more before nodding and turning back to the window. Severus motioned for Lily to follow him. She jumped at the chance as quickly as possible. Mrs. Snape had always been unsettling when she stared from the window, but when she stared right in front of Lily it was ten times worse.

Lily followed Severus up and into one of the two rooms the hallway split off into. She hadn’t realised they were on their way to his room until they were there, but where else would they have gone? There wasn’t much to the house itself.

There was a desk in one corner and a bed in the opposite one, but that… that was it. There were no posters on the walls like the ones Petunia insisted on putting up. His school trunk was at the bottom of his bed, shut and locked. A meagre stack of school texts beside the bed. They had faded covers and reminded Lily of her own that Hogwarts had provided to her. The sheets on the bed were bright green, as if he’d tried to make it resemble his Hogwarts dormitory. Lily had wanted something similar but Petunia had thrown a fit when she saw the Gryffindor lion emblem and Lily had decided not to push it.

Lily knew the Snape family was far from wealthy, but really, so was the Evans family. It was not as if she expected something lavish, but it was almost like they didn’t care enough to make their home their home. The whole place was stripped of its colour and livelihood. It made her shudder to imagine being a kid in an environment akin to the one she had not expected to step into that day.

“Sorry, there’s not much to do,” Severus had a despondent tinge to his voice as he spoke.

“Nonsense. There’s plenty to sit and talk about.”

She sat herself down with her back against the bottom of the bed frame and the top of the mattress. He took the opportune to do the same, gratefulness flashing across his face. Severus had a tendency to accidentally make many moments as awkward as could be. Lily noticed since the first few days where he’d hid behind a tree, or in the bushes, just to avoid facing her. He wasn’t the most social when he was really young and it had its effects on him. Lucky for him though, he had her. She had no issue or inability to take that awkwardness and stomp it into nothing.

“You truly have finished your summer reading,” she commented and nodded to his stack of books with pages of parchment atop them.

“Do you mean to say you thought I was lying?”

“Of course not.” She promptly leaned over and snatched the assignments off the books.

“Hey!”

“What? I’m just looking.”

She sifted through each paper. As much as Severus strived in potions, he had a certain deftness in detail. He could explain anything he was asked in perfect recollection, or with logic not many others could muster. The skill could help him in potions, but Lily always swore his problem-solving abilities would be best fit in courses that required them.

“You should take runes once you have the chance, you’d be good at it,” she told him. “Or arithmancy.”

“My reading assignments told you all that?” He plucked the papers straight out of her hands and shuffled them back together.

“Absolutely.”

“And what will you be taking?”

Lily frowned and carefully contemplated it. They’d only get to start choosing their classes in their third year, but Marlene’s brother had put an inkling of an idea in her head to already have been thinking about it.

“Care of magical creatures.”

His forehead creased, “Why would you take that?”

“It sounds interesting,” she shrugged.

“‘Interesting’ isn’t going to get you very far.”

She thought to ask what he meant by it, but he either sensed the oncoming question or truly didn’t think what he’d said was weird. He moved on, something about charms class, and left Lily several paces behind.

Lily hadn’t gotten into the House rivalry their first year, but she had to admit that the first thing that came to mind in response to what he said was: sounds like something a Slytherin would think. Her stomach curdled. She wished to have put the notion to rest, but she wasn’t wrong. There was no way for her to have missed the opinions the Slytherins held at large. Especially when most of those opinions could be directly applied to her.

But this is your best friend, this is Sev, she thought.

“Lily? Did I lose you?”

“Hm?” Her attention snapped back to Severus, “Sorry, no, go on.”

He did, oblivious to her inner turmoil.

She moved on from it eventually–even if she knew she’d circle back later that night–to do what she’d told him to do early. Enjoy and relax and not be uptight.

She had gotten far too engrossed to notice the time ticking by until Mrs. Snape ghosted past the door with the whisper of the words,

“Your father will be home soon, Severus.”

His shoulders slumped, effectively remanding him to his glum-with-a-hint-of-madness exterior. Only a minute before he had been sitting tall and explaining a concept Professor Slughorn had mentioned to him once. He had been waving his hands this way and that in excitement.

“You should get going, Lily,” he said quietly.

Oh, but he’d been talking so loud and animated before.

She nodded anyhow, because what was there to do? Severus' father would always come home at the end of the day, and his mum would always silently stare Lily away.

The muggy, humid air had not left them when they made it back to the front stoop. Lily doubted the night would cool anything off, either. She collected both pairs of skates and only shook her head at Severus when he reached forward to help her.

“I got it, thanks.”

“Have a good night, Lily.”

“You too, Sev. See you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he agreed, promised, like he always did.

Lily headed down the street to where the Evans’ house stood. Severus’ shoes still sat on the porch. She cast one faint glance toward where he lived, but he’d already disappeared back past that heavy dark door. She managed to scoop them up with all else she carried and went on inside. He’d come back the next day to retrieve them. It was guaranteed he’d always be there, even if he didn’t have a reason.

Chapter Text

The whistle of the train screeched through the air and was accompanied by the rising amount of voices on the platform. Dorcas had left the window open to keep the compartment cool, but she’d meant to close it before the station got more crowded. She’d also left the door to the compartment open, having expected Pandora much earlier. She was sitting right near the door, though opposite the open side, so she could spot Pandora the moment she walked down the train.

Pandora had, however, not yet shown up. In the last letter she’d sent, she’d mentioned she was going to find her cousin first. If Dorcas had to guess, he was the one keeping her waiting. Dorcas was slowly overcome with impatience. She’d gone two months without seeing Pandora due to her staying with her mum’s family.

Dorcas had her legs crossed and a book from her sister open and waiting to be read. It was still open to the last page she’d been on the day before. Her thoughts were too occupied and aimlessly floating to focus on the paragraphs. She stared down blankly at words that had started to scramble up in her head but looked up sharply every time she heard someone pass. None of them were Pandora and the mystery cousin.

She sighed and dropped her head back. She closed her eyes and willed Pandora to walk in already.

Footsteps–closer that time–made her eyes snap open.

A young boy she’d never seen before slid into the compartment. She had left the compartment door open only just so, and he had merely slipped past it. He didn’t move any further, which placed his back directly to her. He didn’t even turn to make sure he was alone. She raised her eyebrows, which he of course couldn't see. He hadn’t so much as glanced her way. He held a certain grace and wealth in the way he stood for a brief second, but once he thought himself alone, the facade rolled off of him. He kicked the seat in front of him rather hard and let out a noise of frustration. He repeated under his breath, “Hate him, I hate him!”

Dorcas closed her book as quietly as she could manage, and still, he did not notice her. She rested her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. She sat and observed the scene in front of her in silent contemplation. Was he going to leave and she wouldn’t have to say anything? It didn’t seem probable with the way he continued standing there. His hands trembled at his sides where he gripped the seams of his pants.

“Who?” she asked, in response to his mumblings.

His body jerked at the noise. His hands went still as he gaped at her in complete disbelief. She stared back nonchalantly. His eyes were wide–and grey-blue, she noticed. Like a storm settling over the ocean. He was pale and proper-looking in a way that reminded her of all the aristocratic pure-blood families. His dark curls were cut short above his ears. He was younger than she had first assumed, now she realised he must have been a first-year.

“What?” he asked in a ghost of a voice.

“You said ‘I hate him’. I asked who.”

He kept on looking at her, those stormy eyes showing hundreds of thoughts all at once until they settled on cool neutrality. He schooled his posture back into that graceful stance. His eyes flicked down to the tie around her neck and the discarded Slytherin robes on the seat next to her.

“You’re a Slytherin?”

“That I am.”

“I am going to be in Slytherin.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Every Black who has ever attended Hogwarts has been placed in Slytherin.” His eyes drifted away from her, “Except my brother.”

She snapped her fingers and pointed at him.

“That’s why you look familiar. You’re Sirius Black’s younger brother.”

His nose wrinkled for a split second.

“Do you know him?”

She laughed, “Of him. He’s not my type of person. No offence or anything.”

He shrugged indifferently. It put a thought in her head.

“Did you mean him? You hate your brother?”

He shook his head almost instantly as if it were a knee-jerk reaction to deny it.

“No, I hate Potter.”

“James Potter?”

“I’m sorry, do you know any other Potter?” The response had a bite to it and was almost undignified compared to the rest of him.

Dorcas narrowed her eyes at him as she inspected the way he stood, the way he was dressed, and the way his eyes seemed to hold back a struggle of wills. Dorcas had never truthfully met Sirius, but she could already figure that the boy in front of her was nothing like him. He held an air, unlike the older Black brother, that made her assume he took his family's morals to heart. She’d mostly shied away from those types in her House–they were far from what she’d grown up knowing. But the look in his eyes… It made her pause. He was the make of a boy who was trying too hard to contain himself.

She extended her hand out to him, “Dorcas Meadowes.”

His eyes cut into slits and he took a defensive step back. His gaze darted between her hand and her face. She raised her eyebrows with a small tilt of her head. He could walk away if he wanted to. Merlin knew if he was like most pure-bloods, he would.

He shook her hand.

“Regulus Black.”

He continued to stand there, making no effort to move away.

“You can sit,” she nodded to the opposite side of the compartment.

He let go of her hand and awkwardly sat on the seat across from her. The edges of her lips curled up in slight amusement. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door banging open with the announcement of two new people.

Pandora spread her arms wide and exclaimed–rather loudly,

“Dorcas!”

Dorcas pushed herself up off her seat with a quick urgency and Pandora practically slammed into her in an attempt to hug her. Pandora–usually serene around Dorcas–was a tumultuous mess of grinning and laughing. She pulled away sharply and gripped Dorcas’ shoulders. Her stare was intense as could be as she said,

“Oh, I should have memorised your face before we left for summer.”

She subsequently flopped back onto the seat next to Regulus. His face showed evident shock at the girl being there, though Dorcas knew Pandora most likely hadn’t thought anything of it herself.

“It’s good to see you, too,” a lilt of a laugh filled her voice.

“Oh, it better be. I did not expect to be gone so long, and how I missed you so.” The sentence made her out to be dramatic, but her overall tone was even, suggesting nothing of the sort.

Dorcas gave her an upside-down smile in response. She, too, had missed Pandora. She and all her weird flairs and extravagances Dorcas had never known anyone else to bear. Their second year awaited them one long train ride away. Already, Dorcas could not guess how blindsided she’d be by the next months’ worth of experiences. But she was starting it with Pandora there, and Pandora was a girl who handled everything in the most out-of-place and incomprehensible ways. It always worked for her, so Dorcas was left assuming there was no better path to go down than the one Pandora trampled through the weeds.

A shadow shifted across the floor of their compartment and captured her attention away from Pandora. Only then did Dorcas realise a boy was standing forlorn in the doorway. Pandora’s cousin, her thoughts supplies. He must be Pandora’s cousin. She tilted her head to look at him with avid curiosity.

Dorcas was unsure how closely related he and Pandora were. It was either close enough, or he’d gotten lucky to end up resembling her. His impeccably curled hair was only a few shades darker than Pandora’s, and it still gave him that striking contrast mixed with the overly blue eyes. She knew he came from a background similar to Regulus, but there was an immediate difference. Regulus had perfected pure-blood aristocracy whereas the cousin held it with an underwhelming air.

“Oh, yes!” Pandora jumped up from her seat and wrapped an arm around her cousin’s shoulders. “This is Evan!”

“I’m Dorcas,” she said in what was a perfectly friendly manner.

He only nodded, “Pandora told me.”

Nothing else was spoken, which left Pandora looking around until she finally saw Regulus. Her eyes flitted back to Dorcas once.

“This is Regulus Black,” Dorcas motioned to him. “He kind of stumbled into the compartment.”

“We have met actually,” Pandora said before depositing herself into the seat next to Dorcas so she could face Regulus. “Although you were quite young. It was before my family truly left our branch of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.”

“So that makes you Pandora Rosier, then?” Regulus lifted an eyebrow.

“That is me.”

Evan sat beside Regulus with a nod in greeting, “I’ve known Regulus for years.”

“Then it’s just me who needed introductions?” Dorcas half-joked.

“That is what makes you special,” Pandora started. “I will never be able to trace my bloodline back to yours.”

“Which is for the best, really,” Evan mumbled under his breath.

The little comment struck a small laugh from Regulus, even if he tried to hide it.

“You’re right. I don’t think I’d want to find out my family tree is just a circle,” Dorcas said.

Pandora made a face of embarrassment that she shared with Evan. Regulus hid a smile behind his hand. Dorcas grinned outward at the overdone joke.

Oh yeah, she was about to be blindsided by this year.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The second person sorted into Slytherin was Barty Crouch Jr.

Dorcas and Pandora had split off from Evan and Regulus the second the train arrived at Hogwarts. They went immediately to the carriages when Evan and Regulus had been carted away towards the boats. They’d been waiting at the tables for the first years to get sorted, trying to catch glimpses of the two boys through the crowds.

Dorcas guessed that was the first thing that made Barty immediately noticeable. He’d been right behind Evan and Regulus in the line for the sorting, brazen look on his face, staring over at the Slytherin table with wild eyes. Maybe that fact wouldn’t have meant much if not for everything that came next.

Before that, of course, Regulus was sorted. Slytherin, just like he said. The whole Great Hall had sat in bated breath to see where the youngest Black son would be placed. With the uproar that had come with Sirius’ sorting, no wonder they were curious.

The Sorting Hat had taken not two seconds before it had screamed out its answer. Three tables away, Sirius’ shoulders dropped as he watched Regulus stand up slowly from the stool at the front of the room and walk to sit across from Dorcas. She was unsure if he had made the conscious decision to sit near her, or had seen the first open spot and chosen it. His back was facing his brother, which may have been for the best. Sirius’ eyes were matches and Regulus was the kindling needed to set the room on fire.

His eyes darted up to meet hers and she gave him an encouraging smile. All around them, the Slytherin table was going wild. Some were hollering insults at the Gryffindors–or maybe Sirius himself–and others were cheering in genuine enthusiasm. They got to claim the Black spare for themselves. Regulus ignored it all and went back to fixating himself on his hands folded in his lap. Dorcas continued to stare over at him, trying to puzzle whether or not he felt gratified by the hat's choice. His burst of anger she’d witnessed on the train was long since buried. His face was held in neutral coolness. She couldn’t picture how the boy that sat in front of her now had morphed from the one on the train. Sometime in between arriving at Hogwarts and being sorted, he’d reigned in anything that could be presented as undignified.

Lost in thoughts she had no responses to, she almost hadn’t realised there was another new Slytherin until she’d blinked and there he sat next to her.

She hadn’t actually caught his name the first time. It was Barty Crouch Jr., she figured out, only after Evan had been sorted. His dark hair was dishevelled, to which her first thought was, seems fitting. He had a perpetually angry look in his eyes, as well as slight derangement hidden behind it. What someone as young as they were had to be so angry about, Dorcas had yet to understand. His eyes were trained with peculiar interest on Regulus.

He had not glanced her way and she couldn’t say she expected him to. She’d hate to be the person judged under that look, anyhow. Across the table, Regulus’ head snapped up like he could feel himself being scrutinised.

“Don’t tell me you’re disappointed,” Barty said sharply. “In being Slytherin, I mean.”

From behind Regulus, where he’d been making his way to the table after being placed in Slytherin as well, Evan said, “Ah, shut it, Crouch. You’re just mad they didn’t make as big a fuss when you were sorted.”

Crouch’s eyebrows practically flew up to his hairline as he regarded with an air of superiority,

“Rosier.”

“Barty.” Evan returned the look.

Regulus caught the way Dorcas was looking between the two with confusion and just barely rolled his eyes as if to say ‘Don’t get me started’. Her lips upturned ever-so-slightly at such a look from him. Pandora caught her eye and waved it off in a way that meant they’d talk about it later.

That was when the thought struck her.

“Wait, Barty Crouch? You’re the son of the Head of Magical Law Enforcement?”

“Yeah. Who are you?” he said with a haughty tone.

“Dorcas Meadowes.” She instinctively straightened her posture to make herself taller in defence.

He snorted, “I’ve never heard of the Mea–”

“Cut it out, Crouch,” Regulus’ voice was quieter yet stricter than Barty’s, but it commanded the other boy’s full attention and shut him up. “She’s fine. Leave her be.”

The spare heir to the Black family and fortune defending her to some other high-on-his-horse pure-blood was not the first event she expected out of her year. It grated on her some. She wasn’t a fan of mixing herself up in the trials and tribulations of those in the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Besides, she could take care of herself.

Her voice took a sharp tone, “I could certainly care less what you think of my family name, and yours means nothing more than dirt to me.”

Barty seemed almost shocked by such a statement. The deranged eyes were fixed on Dorcas now, but she wasn’t going to be the first to look away. His face was twinged red like he was embarrassed for being called out, or like he didn’t expect it. Pandora, behind them, gritted her teeth in an awkward smile and turned back to her table. Dorcas couldn’t blame her.

She turned back to her own food, with the resoundingly loud thought that there was no reason to get mixed up in something that had nothing to do with her. Her mum and dad had no stance on blood purity; it wasn’t viewed the same way where they grew up. It held no effect over them, family name and whatnot. They told her to ignore it. Stay away, plain and simple.

Fortunately for her, the three new Slytherins she had decided to associate with didn’t like plain and simple. No, she wasn’t that lucky.

The feast had finished late into the evening. Dumbledore ended it in a spectacular of unknown phrases and bid them goodnight. Dorcas and Pandora had to part ways, but it was easier to, knowing the other would be there the next morning. So while Pandora headed up to the Ravenclaw Tower, Dorcas headed down, down, down to the dungeons.

With three first years following her closely.

Evan seemed perfectly content to stay by Dorcas as she’d been given Pandora’s stamp of approval. She was sure Regulus had some family still in Slytherin, but he made no move to find them. Either way, he stayed close, and she didn’t mind. Barty may have put off his rant to finish his meal, but he wasn’t as deterred afterward. He glared at her the whole way down but didn’t leave.

“I know almost everything about every pure-blood family in Britain,” Barty told her, unprompted.

“Whatever you say, Crouch Junior.”

“I could probably tell you the names of every dead and alive member of both Black and Rosier’s families.”

“How amazing,” her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“How scary,” Evan muttered quietly.

Barty turned around to fix his glare on Evan before saying, “What I mean is, I don’t know anything about you.”

They’d made it through to the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeons, where Dorcas mumbled “half-blood” to get the doors to open.

“I know one thing about you,” Barty revised.

She stopped short of the common room with her hands on her hips.

“Why would you care to know anything about me?” she asked, a little too loudly for her taste.

He shrugged listlessly, “Cause I’d never heard your name before.”

She laughed a punched-out breath and turned away, not caring to look back and see if they were following. There was a crowd in the common room, with an older boy–seventh year, maybe the head boy–standing at the front. He spoke loudly above all the noise,

“I get it, it’s a pain! But Slughorn decided to change everybody’s dorms up. So find your new rooms and let’s not make this harder than it needs to be.”

“New dormitories?” she asked the nearest person.

The girl nodded, “Some people complained. Slughorn had to change everything.”

“Complained about what?”

“Pure-bloods being roomed with others of ‘lower blood purity’.” She quoted the words like they weren’t her own, then shrugged. “It’s just a hassle, really. But you know Slughorn.”

Dorcas nodded mindlessly. She pushed through the crowds of people hovering around the list of new dormitories. Upon finding her name, three others were listed beside it for the dorm. Cereus Greengrass, Aurora Sinistra, and Lucinda Talkalot. Her new roommates.

For the sake of it, she quickly peeked and saw Evan, Regulus, and Barty had all been placed in a dorm together. She was on the edge of finding them again to let them know where to go when Barty’s voice shouted out. It was undeniably him, so she shoved her way back through her classmates.

Mulciber–a burly kid in Dorcas’ year–stood in front of the three boys tauntingly. He clutched the book she had sworn Evan had earlier on the train, one she was sure Pandora had given him.

Barty had his wand pulled out though Dorcas didn’t know what he wanted to do with it. Evan and Regulus stood behind him (albeit Regulus lingered back), so there was no doubt Barty was the one who escalated things. Evan was bordering on nervous and Regulus appeared… bored.

“I said Rosier can come get it back. Not you, Crouch. Or is he as batty as that cousin of his that he can’t understand me?”

Barty started forward, as well as Evan that time, but one raise of a wand on Mulciber’s part stalled them.

Seriously, what was she to do? Let them get their arses handed to them on the first day of school?

“Mulciber.” Her wand slid into her hand as she approached.

Everyone had stopped to watch the fight unfold, so her voice rang strong and clear throughout the common room. She stepped in front of the two boys, cutting them a look that said to step back.

She nodded to the book he had tucked under his arm, “Hand it over.”

“Why would I do that, Meadowes?” he smirked then pointedly looked past her towards Rosier. “Last I checked, we don’t allow freaks into Slytherin.”

See, if there was one upside to having gotten in a fight with McKinnon the year previous, it was that no one doubted her magical ability. Mulciber had been in the same class with them when it had happened, he’d witnessed it firsthand.

Her one stroke of luck meant all she had to do was send a mostly harmless spell his way. He panicked, didn’t even try a defensive spell, and jumped to the side to avoid it. It knocked him in the shoulder even then–it really was only a stinging spell–but he yelped and stumbled back as if it actually hurt him. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“All of you are bloody insane!” he shouted.

She raised an eyebrow as a second warning. He shoved the book at her chest and backed away. A coward, indeed. He talked too much for her liking. If he wanted to do something, he should’ve gotten around to it quicker in her opinion.

As he faced away from her–not even his first bad idea–he muttered something undermining under his breath. She caught Pandora's name in his words. The next spell she sent his way was petrificus totalus. He fell face flat on the floor, with students moving out of the way. No one caught him.

She crouched down next to him and not so gently rolled him onto his back. His arms and legs were forced together and he couldn’t move a bit. She leaned forward and his eyes caught hers, wide and alarmed. Not that he could do anything about it.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” she asked.

Of course, he couldn’t speak.

“I didn’t think so.”

She rose from the ground and stepped over his paralyzed figure. She jutted her chin toward the dorms, motioning for Regulus, Evan, and Barty to get a move on. They did.

Once they were out of the common room and in the hallway that split off into the girls’ and boys’ dormitories, she passed the book back to Evan.

“Thanks,” he said gratefully.

“I had it covered,” Barty started to protest.

She shot him a look, “Did you?”

It shut him up.

“He seemed afraid of you,” Regulus mumbled.

“He’s a coward who likes to pick fights, that's all,” she shrugged it off.

“All I know is I’d prefer you on my side,” Barty joked.

“Let go of your assumptions about me and I’ll stay there. Deal?” Her eyes bounced between the three.

Evan nodded vigorously. Barty as well, but he bore a more casual way of it. Regulus stared in a dead-eyed way. She nodded back. Evan and Barty took it as the signal to head to their dorm. Regulus waved them on.

She let him scrutinise her for a moment before holding out her hand, “Deal?”

“And by ‘deal’ you mean…?”

“Friends. I mean friends.”

He shook her hand.

“Deal.”

That night, well, she guessed she made three new friends. Just as well, she gained one onlooker.

That was the first time she caught Narcissa Black watching her.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Dorcas was the last one of her new roommates to make it to the dormitory. She stopped in the doorway, consumed by the overwhelming thought of, why couldn’t they have left the dorms how they were? She and her old roommates were never close. She could think of perhaps one account where they spent time together, and honestly, it was only by Pandora’s persuasion. But they had a routine. They didn’t bother each other too much and Dorcas had always appreciated that.

She gritted her teeth together and headed to the last open bed, the one that was set against the farthest wall. The girl on the middle bed had not looked up when she’d entered, but the other two had. The one on the opposite side of the room went back to her own business rather quickly. The girl right next to her, however. She was still looking. Dorcas quirked an eyebrow up at her and tried to appear nonchalant.

“You’re who just got in a fight with Mulciber,” she blurted out.

It must not have been enough for her to leave it there, and so she started ranting,

“I mean the first day, that’s impressive. I didn’t see it, but I think Aurora did. Aurora?”

The girl in the middle, who Dorcas at first thought was ignoring them, glanced up slowly. If she was who the unnamed girl was speaking to, that made her Aurora Sinistra. Her eyes shone with precariousness and an almost golden hue under the bad dungeon lighting. The corners of her lips tugged down like she didn’t want to answer.

Aurora shrugged like it held no value to her–and it probably didn't.

“Might’ve.”

“No, you did, you said you did. You said ‘Mulciber got put in a body bind by Meadowes’, didn’t you?”

“She knows what she said, Lucinda,” the last girl spoke up.

Lucinda Talkalot then, was the girl by bed right next to Dorcas’. If anything, Dorcas would’ve made the assumption that she was more fitted for Hufflepuff. But maybe she should learn to cut back on assumptions. That made the last one Cereus Greengrass. Cereus looked to be halfway to her death. Her sallow complexion made Dorcas think she must be sick of some sort. The darkness and almost sunken look in her eyes didn’t help matters.

In reference to Dorcas, Cereus said,

“And she obviously knows what happened, if she was the one who put Mulciber in that body bind.”

“I get it, Cereus. ‘Talkalot talks a lot.’ Just tell me to piss off next time and I’ll do it.”

For being talked about as much as she was, Dorcas never had the chance to speak for herself.

“I was just saying, let her breathe,” Cereus muttered languidly. “Dorcas, right?”

Caught off guard by being addressed, Dorcas only blinked back at her.

“Well?”

“Yeah. Dorcas Meadowes.”

“Do you have a reason for fighting Mulciber, Dorcas Meadowes?”

“Oh, so you can talk about it, but I can’t?” Lucinda glowered.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Great Salazar, why won’t the both of you leave it be?” Aurora demanded.

Cereus shrugged destitutely.

“Just because you aren’t curious doesn’t mean I’m not!” Lucinda protested.

“He called my friend a freak, alright?” Dorcas burst out, rendering the three girls silent. “And then insinuated my other friends were as well, so I knocked him on his arse, got it?”

Cereus almost–almost–smiled like she didn’t want to give up her amusement, “Got it.”

“I guess that’s reasonable,” Lucinda mumbled as quietly as Dorcas assumed she could (which wasn't very quiet at all).

Aurora simply rolled her eyes and went back to her own business.

Just what had she gotten into, befriending three pure-bloods and getting into a row with another on the first day back? She was supposed to be neutral and unbothered. She was far from it now. She’d stuck herself on one side. How idiotic was that of her? Most of the time it was Slytherin vs. the rest of Hogwarts, but they had their inner rivalries, too. It was why she had always been so convinced to never stick her head in someone else’s business. These weren’t school-type rivalries, these ran deep between the inner pure-blood families as they all fought for more power and influence.

What was possibly the worst of it all was that she was happy with that choice. She didn’t want to sit around uninvolved and unbothered. She not only wanted to choose who she associated with without the worry of who she’d anger, but she also wanted influence, too. She craved a slice of that potentiality.

That left her to ponder a single question: how high would she climb and who would she push down to get to the top of it

Chapter Text

Lily was done complaining about her sister. She was done with pretending Petunia still cared. Because Petunia most certainly didn’t care. She dragged Lily this way and that like a marionette and still played the perfectly innocent like she wasn’t ripping Lily’s limbs all around. She tossed her aside, careless as all be, when she felt it just because she didn’t feel like playing anymore. Lily was not a doll or something to dote on by being there.

She was supposed to be Lily’s older sister, for god’s sake! Her best friend; her first friend. She was supposed to be there with Lily, for Lily, whenever Lily needed her. She was supposed to have advice to give her, things to say, but the only shape of a word her bright pink lipstick formed was ‘freak’.

It made Lily’s heart rot in her chest as her blood boiled and slowly seeped in the poison her sister spewed. She had never felt so agitated in her life, and yet there she was, stewing in the venom Petunia spit at her.

The heel of her shoe tapped rapidly against the floor. She’d had jitters all day; all week, since they’d gotten to Hogwarts. She wasn’t even listening to McGonagall talk, and she loved listening to her lectures.

Petunia wanted her to stay, Petunia wanted her to not go back, Petunia wanted her to not be a freak, Petunia wanted, Petunia wanted, Petunia wanted. Who cared what Petunia wanted? Lily wanted her sister back, Lily wanted to go to Hogwarts, and Lily wanted to be a witch. But what did it matter what Lily wanted if Petunia wanted so much louder than her? Who listened to what Lily wanted when Petunia wouldn’t shut up?

At home, minutes before Lily was to be off for the train, Petunia had come down the stairs wild and erratic. For a girl who always ensured she never had a hair out of place, she’d sure worked herself up into a frenzy at that moment.

Lily had stared, then glared, as Petunia word vomited–and didn’t shut up–about why she thought it was absurd for Lily to go back to Hogwarts. ‘Be normal with me Lily’. ‘I wish you were normal, Lily’. Lily had wished she’d shut her mouth.

It was an accident.

She hadn’t actually wanted Petunia’s mouth to close forever and ever and ever.

It had just happened.

She had only thought about it.

She hadn’t intended it.

Petunia's lips sealed up when they touched, that ridiculous lipstick she insisted on wearing stuck closed. Petunia’s eyes had bugged out of her head as she frantically tried to scratch her lips apart. She was trying to scream but had no way of doing so, so she pointed at Lily in accusation as her cheeks blossomed with pink.

Lily had been frozen to the spot until Severus had let himself in–like Lily had told him to–to meet before they headed to Platform 9 ¾. He’d taken in the situation in only a few seconds before he was grabbing Lily’s arm and shaking her a little. She’d stumbled back as Petunia’s lips came apart with a loud and stomach-turning POP.

Lily hadn’t gotten the chance to apologise. Her parents had shooed her out the door and went to make sure Petunia was alright. Severus practically had to drag her over to his house so they could use the floo.

“Miss Evans?”

Lily’s head jolted upward to look at her professor. Around her, everyone else was gathering their things and leaving. Mary and Marlene were standing worriedly near her. They’d sensed Lily had something on her mind since the train, but she’d yet to tell them what had happened. She didn’t even know if she wanted to.

“I’d like to speak with you, Miss Evans.” McGonagall glanced over at Mary and Marlene, “You two best go on.”

They both looked to Lily first to check with her. She nodded and waved them on, hoping she conveyed a blasé-everything-is-alright attitude.

“Yes, professor?” Lily asked once they had gone.

“Your parents informed me of the… event that happened right before the start of term.”

Lily blanched, “Professor, it was an accident. I mean, I know doing magic outside school–”

McGonagall held up a hand, effectively stopping Lily mid-sentence.

“I believe you in saying it was an accident. We don’t hold our students liable for unintended magic.”

Lily relaxed, if only by a little.

“However."

Lily tensed again.

“We mostly don’t see students having magical outbursts once they start at Hogwarts. I’m not immensely worried, you are top of the class and a perfect pupil. I do want you to know, though, if you are having difficulties adapting at home I am always here to help.”

“Thank you, Professor McGonagall, but I’m okay. It was a fluke accident, I swear,” Lily said in defence.

McGonagall nodded thoughtfully, “I see. Thank you for your time, Miss Evans.”

Lily ran out of there as fast as she could.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Lily! Wait up!”

Lily would usually stop completely to wait for Remus to catch up to her, but she feared if she stopped moving at all she’d start thinking too hard. She did slow her pace, though, because she knew Remus had a limp sometimes. She was apparently mean enough to seal her sister’s lips shut, but not mean enough to power walk away from an often sick friend.

“I heard McGonagall kept you after class. Is everything alright?” he asked once he was close enough.

“Did Mary or Marlene tell you that?”

“James. He’s in your class, too.”

She scoffed, “Oh, right.”

“He said you seemed a little agitated.”

“What would he know?” she snapped and stopped abruptly.

He looked her up and down. It was an obvious gesture to make her take a moment and realise she was more than a little agitated. But she’d known that already.

She sighed with everything in her and slumped against the wall. He leaned beside her, casual about it, and stared out the windows on the opposite wall.

“You don’t have any siblings, do you?” she asked so quietly she first thought he didn’t hear her.

“No, I don’t,” he said eventually.

“Have you ever done something bad with your magic?” she whispered, then added quickly,

“Accidentally.”

His eyes were downcast as he mulled over her question. She started to regret even asking when he spoke up.

“Not really. Not in the way you’re asking.”

“What does that mean?”

He answered her with a question, “Did something happen with Petunia?”

It was her turn to look away and avoid meeting his eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to. It was why she was so glad she hadn’t seen Severus within the week of school that had passed. She had shame bubbling up in her throat so often she thought she’d be sick with it.

“You know who does have a sibling, and has probably also done something accidentally bad with magic?” Remus asked her.

Her eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Who?”

“Sirius.”

She pushed herself off the wall with a self-detrimental laugh and started walking again. Remus followed.

“Thanks, but I'm not that desperate. I think I’ll talk to my friends first.”

She got the opportunity to do exactly that, ten minutes later sitting in the Great Hall for lunch. She was picking apart her meal with her fork. The guilt was rising and rising as it threatened to swallow her whole. She was too worked up over the whole ordeal to muster an appetite.

Marlene got there soon after her.

“What was that with McGonagall?”

“I sure am getting interrogated today.”

Marlene nudged her, “Really, Lily. What’s been up with you lately?”

Lily tossed her fork down on her plate, truly giving up on eating.

“I don’t know. I don’t. Know. What happened.” She punctuated her words with anger.

“Well, I’m sure it’s alright.”

“But it’s not! It’s not alright, Marlene. It’s really bad, in fact. My sister hates me and it’s all my fault!”

The half-smile that had been clinging to Marlene’s lips fell away. She put her hand on Lily’s shoulder and asked gently,

“What happened?”

“We just–fought. She’s making choices I don’t like, and I am making ones she hates.” Lily’s eyes watered, “You have siblings. Don't you understand what I’m saying?”

“I do. My brothers and I disagree all the time. I don’t know what you and Petunia fought about, but me and Finn had a row over the summer. He’s moving away from home, and I don’t want him to. He thinks I should learn to let go of things easier, and I refuse to.”

Lily quickly wiped her eyes, “So what did you do?”

“We talked a little. Then a little more. I think he understands better now why I don’t want him to go, but I also understand now why he has to.” Marlene stopped talking when Lily’s face flickered with sadness. “Is that what you and Petunia fought about? She didn’t want you to go?”

“But I have to,” Lily whispered with a nod.

Marlene pulled her into a side hug and Lily dropped her head on Marlene’s shoulder. She heard Marlene whisper,

“Hi, Mary.”

Mary spoke but Lily couldn’t make it out. Marlene answered with,

“She and Petunia fought before Lily left for school.”

Mary sat on the other side of Lily. She sat up, her eyesight blurry. Mary reached forward and used her sleeve to wipe the tears off Lily’s face. Lily smiled at her appreciatively.

“We didn’t just fight,” Lily admitted. “I accidentally, or–my magic lashed out and… and… and she’s fine! But…”

Lily bit her lip and forced herself to look at her two friends.

“It’s okay, Lils. It can happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself for it,” Marlene told her.

“Has it happened to you?”

“Sort of? One time I made a bunch of glass bottles explode. My father was standing pretty close when they did.”

Marlene didn't look like she had one ounce of guilt over it. Lily had so much guilt. So much of it festered from the fact that she had been angry, and she was still angry. She had wished her sister had said none of what she did.

Mary, next to her, had a contemplative look on her face.

“If I ever accidentally did magic as a kid, I don’t remember it.” She shook her head, “But it is okay, Lily. Petunia has to understand it wasn’t your fault, right?”

No. Petunia would not understand. But Lily couldn’t tell them that, could she? Marlene’s relationship with her brothers sounded like it had its ups and downs, but they weren’t as high or low as Lily and Petunia got. Mary’s family sounded like a dream. They had been when Lily had met them. Her siblings were curious but not judgy or disgusted by Mary being a witch. To them, Mary was still their sister.

Lily had no way of telling whether or not Petunia still considered them sisters.

She would think Petunia would be happy if they weren’t.

“You’re right,” Lily said with forcible optimism. “It’ll be fine. I have to go get a textbook from the dorm. I’ll see you girls in class?”

Marlene nodded and Mary waved after her.

Lily fled the Great Hall. She didn’t need a textbook; she carried all of hers with her so she was never without them. She’d just about run out of people to talk to. She could find Alice, but no, Alice didn’t have siblings. She was also pure-blood and Lily doubted her magical outbursts ever scared her. Peter, maybe? No, she didn’t know him well enough. Lily thought she might just be desperate to find somebody who could understand even a shard of the guilt that followed her like her own shadow.

And oh, oh god, she remembered what Remus had told her. How she said she wasn’t that desperate.

She was starting to feel pretty desperate.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

She’d had to wait until after the courses for the day were finished. She couldn’t find him before that. She went up to the boys’ dorm afterward, hoping maybe Remus would open the door instead and she could try to talk to him again.

Sirius opened the door. He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Lupin isn’t here.”

“I’m not here for Remus.”

His forehead creased in confusion.

“Okay,” he drew the word out long and slow. “Pettigrew isn’t here.”

“I’m not here for Peter.”

He crossed his arms.

“Let me guess: you’re not here to talk to James, either.”

“Definitely not.”

“I don't know what to say, then.”

She sighed through her teeth, “I want to talk to you.”

He barked out a laugh. He was about to close the door, but her fist hit it and stopped it.

“You have a brother.”

He paused and shot a curious look her way, then said, “I do.”

“See, I have an older sister. Her name’s Petunia.”

“Younger brother. Regulus.”

“Exactly, you’re the older sibling. Maybe you could help me?”

She thought he’d ask what for, but instead, he pushed the door open and motioned for her to come in. A record was playing but she barely registered the music coming out of it. He went and sat down by it and she followed suit.

She didn’t think that if one was to want to get to Sirius Black, it would be through his brother, yet there she was. She hadn’t come close to meeting–or even seeing–Regulus Black, though she’d heard he was sorted into Slytherin. Remus had told her Sirius had been pretty down after it. If Lily knew anything about siblings, it was the rifts that could be created with barely the snap of fingers.

Sirius tilted his chin at her with a prideful sort of grace. She was going to have to be the one to start.

“Petunia is a muggle. She’s also not… particularly happy I’m not one, too.” She took a deep breath and went on, “I guess I wanted to ask you how it was when you left. Your brother, he had to stay at home and you came here. How did either of you deal with that? Because me and Petunia aren’t.”

“What makes you think Reggie and I did deal with it?”

“Nothing, I guess.”

“Yeah, well we didn’t. I wrote letters, but he didn’t. Not much else I could do about it.”

“Petunia didn’t write me back, either,” anger seeped into her tone. “Have you ever been so mad at him you don’t know what to do?”

“That’s how you feel about your sister, then?” It was a direct way to steer her off her question.

“Yes. I can’t look at her without being angry. I was so mad before I left for school that I sealed her lips shut with magic so she couldn’t talk.”

He had the audacity to look impressed, “Did you at least unseal them before you left?”

“That isn’t funny,” she snapped.

He snorted and asked, “Look, why aren't you talking to Snivellus about this or something?”

“Because he saw! He saw and I am so ashamed of myself!” Lily burst out. “I should feel guilty, and I do! But not about doing what I did! I feel guilty that I don’t feel guilty at all.”

“Now you’re saying something I can understand. I might’ve yelled at Reggie a bit, after the Sorting Ceremony. It’s like he let me down, and I can’t get past that.”

“Thank you! You are the first person I’ve talked to today who gets that.”

He thought about it for a moment, “You can’t change how your sister feels, and I can’t change who my brother wants to be.”

“What do I do then?”

He shrugged.

“I try to forget it.”

“How do you do that?”

“Music.” He nodded to the record player, then laid flat on his back by it.

She slid down on her own back and started listening. She listened and forgot how weird it should be to be lying next to Sirius while a record played muggle music. She listened and forgot Petunia was somewhere seething at her. She listened and forgot she was supposed to be seething, too.

'Love is what you want' was repeated in every other verse and were the words that she caught the most. Maybe it was ironic, or something close to it, that that was what she heard. It had a compelling sound, even if it wasn’t really her taste in music.

She stayed there with Sirius until she figured it was time to go back to her own dorm. She didn't say anything as she left, simply got up and did so. He didn't make a noise when she did. She would have thought he was asleep if not for his wide-opened eyes.

Lyrics swirled through her head on her way back to her room.

When she told Marlene and Mary about it, Marlene yelled,

“Black does not get to be the person who gets you to listen to music, Evans!”

Chapter Text

The expectations for the morning of her thirteenth birthday were far surpassed the minute she woke up to a literal–and rather ear-splitting–BANG. Mary jolted up in a tangle of her blankets with her hand clutching her chest. Confetti spilled down over her in gold flecks from what she assumed was a spell that had been set off. Her heart pounded amid the frenzy of the sudden waking and explosion of colour.

“Marlene!” Lily hissed. “I told you to wake her up first.”

“Oops. Sorry, Mary,” Marlene apologised with a lopsided grin. “Happy birthday!”

Mary couldn’t find it in herself to be so much as a little annoyed with Marlene. Confetti was still raining neverending down from over them, settling in Mary’s hair and on top of her sheets. Marlene was leaning against the bedpost and gripping her wand as she frowned up at the ongoing pouring of confetti. Lily sat on the bed at Mary’s feet, holding a cake with a pristine ‘Happy Birthday Mary!’ lettered across the top layer of frosting. Little marigold flowers were piped around the words and edges of the cake. Lily tried in vain to shield it away from the falling confetti.

“The counterspell?” Lily reminded Marlene.

Marlene flicked her wand toward the ceiling of the room but nothing changed. The golden shards of paper started to slip off onto the floor as they piled too high on the bed.

“We might want to take this somewhere else,” Marlene suggested.

“You don’t know the counterspell?”

“I do! It just didn’t… work, is all.”

Their bickering stopped when Mary burst out laughing. She held her sides and laughed at the sheer hilarity of it. She had thought her birthday would be more tame without her siblings there. One time they had woken her the second it had turned the day of her birthday. They’d all rushed into the room at once and the lights had nearly blinded her out of her half-asleep stupor. They hadn’t let her go back to bed, they wanted to stay up with her for the rest of the day (and they were quite adamant about it). It was one of the things she had been sad to see change, the sudden loss of her siblings from being around so close.

Somehow, Marlene and Lily truly made up for it. They brought their own bit of mayhem. It wasn’t unexpected per se, but nor was it expected either. Yet there they were, sitting at the foot of her bed with a cake and an unstoppable chaos raining down on them.

“Thank you. Both of you,” she said once she’d stopped laughing.

Lily wrapped her in a hug and mumbled into her shoulder,

“Happy birthday, Mary.”

“Thanks, Lils.”

There was something so practical yet sweet about Lily and all that she did. It complimented Mary’s rough-edged boldness and Marlene’s daring defiance. They were at a fine-tuned balance of complimenting and challenging each other.

“This is sweet and all, but I do believe we’re going to be buried under a mountain of confetti if we don’t get up soon,” Marlene interrupted.

Lily took to immediately scrambling off the bed when she saw the state of her cake. The frosting was smudged and bits of the confetti were stuck all around it. She started down at it defeatedly and sadness crept across her face.

“It was perfect before, I swear,” she said as she picked off the confetti.

Mary grabbed one of the forks sitting on the platter and stabbed down the side of the cake, effectively taking a chunk of it to eat.

“Still tastes perfect,” she grinned.

“Of course, you would say that,” Lily frowned.

“I would say it because I mean it.” Mary passed Lily–and Marlene–a fork and nudged her to try it.

Mary sank to the floor by her bed with the girls and the cake between them. They talked and laughed and ate and talked more. When they were done with the cake, Lily summoned out the gifts she had stashed hidden beneath Marlene’s bed over to them.

“I got the presents from your family, too. They told me they wished they could have celebrated with you, but I promised I’d plan something good. They seemed pretty happy with that,” Lily told her.

Mary’s cheeks hurt from smiling and she swore her heart would burst,

“Thank you, Lily. This is all so great.”

“Ooh it’s not over yet,” Marlene whispered with a devious glint in her eyes.

“What d’you mean?” Mary asked, somewhat nervously.

Lily waved away the other girl’s words.

“Ignore her. Open your presents!”

So she did, and with each came a reminder of one of her siblings or her mum, but she found she wasn’t yet missing them to the point of insanity like the year before. What she did already miss was the dance studio. She’d spent the remainder of her summer back in it after that first day. It was almost as if she was slowly learning how to piece together the two worlds she’d split her soul into. One consisted of the (what she suspected) fully muggle family of hers and a passion she’d had since she was a little girl. The other consisted of the family she’d found there at Hogwarts, with the two people sitting by her now. She didn’t have it balanced out yet, but she was putting the pieces of the puzzle into place and figuring out where she fit in the midst of it.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

On their way to the Great Hall, Marlene ran ahead. She shot Lily a sly glance before doing so and then simply took off. Mary trailed curiosity behind her with Lily as she disappeared from sight.

“Do I want to know what that’s about?” she asked once Marlene was through the doors to the Great Hall.

“I swear, what’s coming next was all her idea.” Lily raised her hands in her own defence.

“What was her idea?”

Lily just shook her head.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“Nope,” Lily said, popping the p.

“Not even to prepare me for what I’m walking into?”

“I told Marlene I wouldn’t.”

Mary clicked her tongue and shook her head. Lily only shrugged with a not-so-guilty look.

The second they walked into the Great Hall, there was more golden confetti. This time, it came from out of the wands of half of those in Gryffindor. The entire Gryffindor table burst into the most enthusiastic version of ‘Happy Birthday’ she’d ever heard. Marlene was at the forefront of it singing so loud and off-key that no one else could be heard as clear as her. James was jokingly conducting from where he stood on the table behind her.

Lily had run over to join them quickly and shouted out the last few lines in tandem with Marlene. With golden shining against her hair and clothes, Mary tilted her chin up and grinned. She made her way to the table, where most eyes from the other Houses were. It was hard to ignore them with all the ruckus and commotion they had been making.

Mary took her seat next to the grinning Marlene, who shimmied her shoulders a little and with a flare of her hands said,

“Happy birthday!”

Mary grinned back, “You didn’t have to do all this.”

“Of course we did,” Marlene said like it held all the reason in the world.

“Thank you.” She nudged Lily’s foot with her own, “You, too.”

“You’re very welcome. Happy birthday, Mary. Although, don’t credit me with all this. Marlene was the one who wanted to make a fuss.”

And what a fuss it was. For the next half hour or so, all those who came and went from the Gryffindor table wished her a happy birthday. At some point, Lily muttered that the only thing the boys might be useful for was drawing attention. That was when Marlene told the tale of enlisting James’ help–and therefore the other three–to get the word of Mary’s birthday to every Gryffindor they could find.

“James immediately was on board, and since he was, Sirius was pretty quick to follow. Peter said he helped because I asked, but I think he only did because James agreed to,” Marlene explained with enthusiasm in her eyes and a voice tinged with amusement.

“I had to be the one to convince Remus because Marlene is intimidated by him–” Lily jumped in before being cut off.

“I am not! He’s just always looking at me kind of weirdly. Like I know something I shouldn’t.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re always in the Hospital Wing,” Lily suggested.

“Why would that matter?” Mary frowned.

Lily gave her an incredulous look.

“Y’know… because he’s ill.”

“Lupin’s ill? With what?” Marlene asked.

“Well I haven’t asked! It would be rude; it’s not my business. Besides I would think you of all people would know. You practically live in the Hospital Wing sometimes.”

“Lily, I’ve never seen Lupin in the Hospital Wing.”

A strict and tall shadow fell across the wooden table in front of them. It quickly stopped their discussion of Lupin may-or-may-not being ill. The person whose shadow it was cleared their throat behind the three of them. Mary turned first.

“As good as it is to see such a display of comradery and celebration of a friend, try to make a smaller mess next time,” McGonagall said and gestured toward the golden confetti that still lay on the front walk of the Great Hall.

Marlene ducked away as she snickered. It was a good attempt at hiding from the professor, but not a good enough one by the piercing gaze McGonagall gave her for it.

“Sorry, Professor. We’ll clean it up,” Lily said, ever the responsible one.

“No need, Miss Evans.” She waved her hand and the confetti disappeared. She walked off with a few last words, “Happy birthday, Miss Macdonald.”

Lily frowned as she watched their professor leave,

“We really should have cleaned that up sooner.”

Mary laughed a little, “Lily, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! It's been a good day, don't worry over little things like that."

Marlene bumped Mary’s shoulder with her own, “Exactly! As long as you’re having a good day, I say it was worth it.”

“The best day,” Mary nodded.

She swore she would have confetti stuck to her for the rest of the week, but she didn’t mind one bit. It didn’t even stop there. Lily had gone down the day before and asked the house elf she knew there to make Mary’s favourite food for each meal. Marlene told her she could have a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ at both lunch and dinner as well if she wanted. Mary was practically elated at how far her friends would go for her. They had a way of making her believe she was walking on the clouds or soaring through the sky.

Even without the flair they brought for her birthday, the two of them turned her better days into her best, and her first birthday at Hogwarts into one of the first unforgettable ones.

Chapter Text

Dorcas. Meadowes. How bad was it for Marlene that her last year ended with her, and this one was starting with her? She knew it was improbable that she would never have to see her again, but the difference was that she was everywhere. Marlene couldn’t turn into another corridor without Meadowes popping up and brushing past her, all haughty and high-and-mighty.

A fraction of a point had been the difference in their exam scores the year before. Her first year might not matter as much to Marlene’s future career pursuits, but that less than one point had been haunting her all summer. Dorcas had taken the higher score on one of their last exams–potions, Marlene was sure. It meant Dorcas had proven to be better than her for their first year.

As if that wasn’t enough, Marlene had overslept on her first day of classes. She had never overslept in her life! It had to be that very first day she woke up late, of course, because it inconvenienced her more than it would have any other day.

She had shoved all her books in her bag and didn’t even secure her shoes on her feet before she had taken off out of the Gryffindor Tower and to her charms class. The corridors were all empty as could be and she was panting and out of breath by the time she reached the classroom.

Marlene took a minute to straighten her robes and tie her undone tie. She'd almost lost it halfway down the corridor for not knotting it earlier. Her blouse was crushed and crumpled into wrinkles that no smoothing of her palms could fix. Her hair fell in front of her face and all she could do was rake her fingers through it and hope it resembled something presentable.

The professor was in the middle of his introduction lecture when she opened the door. His eyes were almost immediately on her. The creak of the door had given her away. She cursed the school and its inability to be anything but old and loud. He pointed to the front row and said,

“There’s an empty spot there, next to Miss Meadowes, please. Do try to come on time to class.”

She resisted the ever-tempting urge to roll her eyes and groan at the mention of Meadowes. All the while, her ears burned from the teacher's comment. Dragging her feet all the way there, she slumped into the last empty chair that was directly next to Meadowes. The girl had the gall to look straight ahead as if Marlene was nonexistent. It gave Marlene the urge to do something so inexplicably annoying if only to get on the nerves of Meadowes.

She only found the resistance to not do that when the professor went back to his lecture. He talked over the full year’s worth of work and she figured if she wanted to get ahead of Meadowes at all, it would be beneficial to keep focussed. On her schoolwork, to be specific. She needed to be concentrated, and ready, and willing to throw herself into school.

She'd never been very good at focussing on one thing and one thing only, however.

Her attention was stuck all in varying places. Beating Meadowes. Quidditch tryouts. Going back to the Hospital Wing. Finley moving away from home. Lupin and his supposed illness. Lily’s issues with her sister. The records on their way to Hogwarts courtesy of Finley. The others who were trying out for the beater position. Each thought got longer and longer, yet it always circled back around to Meadowes now and again.

Well, maybe more than ‘now and again’.

Even after Charms was done, Marlene was still seething over Meadowes complete disregard for her. She had shown so much of her own dislike for Marlene the year past, that she couldn't be indifferent all of a sudden!

The next class, Meadowes sat across the room from Marlene. Marlene had chosen her spot with Lily and Mary already. From the moment Meadowes walked in, it was as if she was purposefully not looking Marlene's way. Marlene’s glare remained fixed in her direction virtually the entire time like she was daring Meadowes to glance over.

Every single class period, there she was. She haunted Marlene almost always, with no discretion for it. She was there all hours of the day except for when Marlene was in the Gryffindor Tower. But even then, Marlene couldn’t find her peace with it. Meadowes was a callous thought; she stuck around like a sore thumb. It was so out of place from everything else. Maybe that made it easier to focus on. Why think about her brother moving away or disappointing herself and her father if she failed quidditch tryouts when she could obsess over besting Meadowes?

There was only one instance out of all the others in almost a month of being at Hogwarts where Meadowes acknowledged her in any way.

Slughorn had pointed out Meadowes’ potion as ‘some of the best work he’d seen within the class’ and then told everybody that ‘they could aspire to give the same effort she did’. At that moment, Meadowes had looked Marlene straight in the eye and smirked at her. Her eyebrows were raised in smug self-pride.

Marlene flushed bright, crimson red. It had to have been the most conceited display of favouritism by Slughorn and entitlement by Meadowes she had ever seen. She was fuming over it so hard she hadn’t noticed her cauldron boiling over. Lily caught it before Marlene could and quickly cast a spell to stop the potion.

Slughorn hadn’t seen–he was too busy fawning over some other Slytherin–but Meadowes had. She shook her head slightly in faux disappointment. Marlene barely restrained herself from running and tackling the girl. Though really, it was Lily who did the restraining. She grabbed Marlene’s arm and said,

“You’ll just make it worse. Ignore her and focus.”

Oh, Marlene was focussed. Just not on the right things.

A week later she was sitting in a courtyard beside Peter. She was supposed to be working on her Transfiguration homework but was all too hyper-aware of Meadowes’ presence across the yard. She was sitting with a few other Slytherins Marlene didn’t recognize, and one Ravenclaw she had always hung around the year previous.

Her quill had barely touched her page, though she had to admit she was largely done with the assignment. She’d agreed to 'work' on it with Peter because she knew he needed the help. Truthfully, she finished it the day it was assigned as she had assumed Meadowes had too, and didn’t want to be a step behind her.

“What did you write about the reparifarge spell?” Peter’s voice went in one ear and out the other without registering any words.

“Marlene? I can’t find the explanation for it in our text.”

“Marlene? Have you answered that one yet?”

He pushed her shoulder, causing her to sway to one side. Her textbook slid off her lap and hit the ground at her feet. She blinked.

“What’d you do that for?” she asked.

“Seriously? Marlene, what’s up with you? You never pay attention to anything anymore.”

She did pay attention. Perhaps not to Peter, but someone definitely had all of her attention.

“I’m a bit distracted, that’s all. What did you need?”

“Distracted with what?”

“Just… distracted. There’s nothing more to it,” she rushed to say. “I mean it, what did you need help with?”

He raised his eyebrows at her. He could never lie for himself but had an inexplicable way of telling when others were lying.

She groaned, “Merlin, fine. Meadowes. I am distracted because of Meadowes.”

“Meadowes?” he asked with confusion tinging his voice.

“Yes! Dorcas Meadowes!”

“Oh, Dorcas Meadowes. But why would you care about her?”

“I don’t.” She slumped down on the bench, “But she beat me on our very last exam last year. Plus she thinks she’s so much better than me! I can’t stand her.”

His forehead scrunched as he thought it over, and when he finally realised, his eyebrows shot up,

“She was the one you got into a fight with in Defense Against the Dark Arts, wasn’t she?”

Marlene nodded grimly.

“Then you’re right about one thing. She probably does think she's better than everyone. Like she’s untouchable, or something.”

Marlene snorted and crossed her arms, “Obviously she thinks so. Not like there's any reason for her to.”

Peter made a face like he was about to say something Marlene wouldn’t agree with him on.

“Well…” he trailed off with a small frown.

“Well, what?”

“She kind of is? Untouchable, I mean.” He lowered his voice, “First day back, she put Mulciber in a body bind in the middle of the Slytherin common room.”

Mulciber was one of the most well-known pure-bloods at Hogwarts. He wasn’t like James–or Sirius for that matter. He was obnoxious and ill-willed at all times. Lily had offhandedly mentioned some encounter she’d had with him where he’d pulled out every insult in the book at her being muggle-born.

Marlene didn’t know if Meadowes was a pure-blood or not, which in turn meant she could hardly think up a reason for her to have any quarrel with Mulciber.

Almost as if Peter read Marlene’s thoughts, he nodded to where Meadowes and her group sat.

“You see that blond Slytherin first-year?”

Marlene spotted him sitting directly next to Meadowes. She nodded.

“That's Evan Rosier. He’s that Ravenclaw girl’s cousin–Pandora Rosier. They’re both pure-bloods, but Pandora and her family were practically cut out of the family tree. Anyone in the Sacred Twenty-Eight would call them ‘disgraceful’ or ‘freaks’.

“Evan’s part of the family is still in the Sacred Twenty-Eight, though. What I heard was that Mulciber was taunting him over his cousin and that other Slytherin first-year–the one without the tie, Barty Crouch Jr.–was also provoked. Crouch Jr. is the son of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Meadowes stepped in and that’s when she put Mulciber in the body bind.”

Marlene lingered ever so slightly on Crouch Jr. She'd met his father once, and that had been more than enough.

“Who’s the other Slytherin first-year, then?” Marlene asked.

Peter grinned, though it was more of a bearing of his teeth, “That’s where it gets interesting. He wasn’t a part of the fight, but he must be friends of some sort with them. I can’t believe you don’t recognize him: that’s Sirius’ younger brother, Regulus Black.”

“You’re joking,” Marlene laughed, but it was lacking in humour.

“Not at all. Between putting one pure-blood from an influential family in a body bind, and being friends with the youngest in the notorious Black family, Meadowes has made a name for herself.”

Marlene snorted at that. Half of her wished she would clear her head of all thoughts Meadowes, but she couldn’t seem quite able to. She tried, then tried some more. It was infallible.

“You’re a little bit of a gossip, Pettigrew,” she said in an effort to stray away from asking more about what he knew.

His face went pink, “It’s just what I’ve heard.”

“What’ve you heard?” Mary asked from over Marlene’s shoulder.

Peter jumped a little, but Marlene had heard her and Lily coming since they were halfway across the courtyard. Marlene tilted her head back to look at them with a smile pulling at her lips.

“Oh, hi Macdonald. Evans. We were talking about Meadowes,” Peter said, mildly out of breath from being startled.

Lily groaned loudly, “Tell me Marlene did not get you to talk about her.”

Peter looked between Marlene and Lily and resigned himself to shrugging. Lily put her hands on her hips.

“Marlene, didn’t I say you should let that go?” Lily asked.

“Trust me, I have been trying to! I swear it to you,” Marlene said fiercely.

Mary and Lily exchanged a look that screamed exasperation for Marlene’s ‘obsession’ or whatever they wanted to call it. Marlene didn’t necessarily think she was obsessed with Meadowes. She had other things on her mind as constantly as Meadowes was there. Finn leaving… and quidditch… and something else she couldn’t fully put her finger on. But there were other things. They were there, and she had thought about them aside from wanting to beat Meadowes at everything she could possibly ever do or want to do.

“Oh, no,” Peter mumbled sullenly.

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked.

Peter pointed to where the other three marauders were making their way toward Meadowes’ group,

“Sirius. He hasn’t talked to his brother since right after the Sorting Ceremony.”

Marlene pried her eyes off Meadowes to watch the interaction between the Black brothers. Regulus stood the minute he saw Sirius approaching, and all his friends followed suit. The Ravenclaw girl was calm and watching with an intense eye while the Slytherin boys rallied behind Regulus. Meadowes stood at his side, arms crossed, and face pinched in a fowl glare.

Sirius spoke first, but Meadowes was the one who answered–not Regulus. Sirius was visibly miffed by such a thing, so he ignored her and reached for his brother. Meadowes had her wand out in a second flat. She pressed it against Sirius’ wrist and inserted herself between the brothers. She said more to him, and Marlene desperately wished to hear. Meadowes eyes cut over toward where Marlene and her friends stood before she trained them back on Sirius.

The full interaction, the younger brother didn’t so much as say a word or look directly at Sirius. Sirius tried to protest Meadowes a few more times until it finally became obvious to him what Marlene had already noticed.

James was the one who got Sirius to move away by practically dragging him. Only then did Meadowes lower her wand.

James, Sirius, and Remus made their way to Peter and the girls. Remus reached them first and immediately ducked his head and whispered to Lily. James was consoling Sirius all the while. He was always good at that: calming storms and being a place of shelter at the same time.

“What did Meadowes say to you?” Peter asked, eager as ever to have the inside information.

James looked to Sirius to tell the story.

“She said he’d speak to me when he wanted. She told me to leave him alone.”

Marlene knew he had to be referencing the mystery brother she knew nothing about. The boys looked to be more irritated over the words, while Lily’s demeanour hinted at her being more troubled over it. Marlene exchanged a look with Mary that spoke more than they could in the moment. They were both obviously and painfully out of the loop

Sirius’ dark grey and blue eyes narrowed over at Marlene, “She also told me to tell McKinnon to stop staring at her.” He crossed his arms in annoyance, “In fact, she spent more time complaining about you than she spent acknowledging me.”

Marlene flushed red. Who was Meadowes to talk about her behind her back and directly to the face of someone she knew? She whipped her head around to glare begrudgingly in the direction where Meadowes was. She and her friends were gathering their bags and getting ready to leave, by the looks of it.

Marlene took only one step forward before her chest hit Lily’s arm.

“Absolutely not! You are not going over there, it’s what she wants you to do. Don’t give her the satisfaction, Marlene.” Lily pushed her back.

“What’s Meadowes’ problem with Marlene?” James asked with confusion in eyes hidden under glasses.

Lily tossed Marlene a glare that shut her up before she could even get started.

“Stupid rivalry, almost like you with Sev–”

Mary must’ve been the one to sense the change in Lily’s tone first, as she elbowed Lily in her ribs. She then looped her arms through both Lily and Marlene’s arms. Marlene stumbled into her side. Her cheek glanced off Mary’s, but Mary simply tightened her grip on Marlene’s arm. Marlene’s face went red–most positively in embarrassment–at the gesture. She could've counted each of Mary's eyelashes, she was that close.

“This has been a lovely little chat, but we should be getting back to our dormitory. Have a nice evening,” Mary grinned widely and redirected them away from the boys.

Marlene went willingly, though Lily was not the same case. Mary tugged at her,

“Can we not go one week without one feud or another? We were doing so well,” Mary chastised them.

As Marlene said, “But Meadowes–”

Lily said, “I can’t help it if Potter–”

Mary clicked her tongue and shook her head,

“You know what? I think we need to find ourselves some better people to know.”

Chapter Text

Marlene had, apparently, not been joking in the slightest when she had said nobody else got to force Lily to listen to music. To have thought she had been only kidding was Lily’s fault. It was entirely on her.

She couldn’t picture it, was the issue. Listening to music just to listen to it, and for no other reason. She didn’t need the constant noise of someone speaking or singing to be content. She was happiest in silence. It was how she spent most of her time. In the library with Marlene and Mary, they did their work quietly and spoke only when they had a question. They both knew she preferred it that way and worked better doing so, even if they wanted to talk. There were many times she sat in pure stillness beside Remus as they read. He liked what she liked when it came to noise; the less the better.

The most Lily ever enjoyed music and the noise that it accompanied was when her dad played the piano. That was very different, though. A soft tranquil melody wasn’t that bothersome, but anything besides that she was not very used to.

She would think Marlene being a half-blood would have meant her music taste would be more focussed on wizarding bands–those were a thing, right? It would make more sense, as Lily thought she'd grown up surrounded by wizards, not muggles. Lily unintentionally got the answer to that one morning when the post arrived.

“Careful!” Marlene screeched in synchronisation with the owls.

What Lily recognised as one of Marlene’s brother's owls–Finley’s she was sure, as Magnus’ was always a little less wild-looking–swooped down with a large package in its talons. It dropped the package in a straight path toward the bench beside Marlene. She swiftly caught it with panic set across her face.

Mary leaned forward to see what Marlene was holding,

“What’ve you got?”

A smile cut across Marlene’s face and a wickedly happy glint filled her eyes.

“Records,” Marlene said.

Mary’s eyes widened and she gestured furiously to the package,

“Well open it then!”

Lily tilted her head to the side as Marlene, with a more careful manner than Lily had ever seen her do anything, peeled open the packaging. She couldn’t say she wasn’t curious, even if she wouldn’t know a thing about the songs or the artists.

There was a stack of gingerly wrapped and protectively spelled records within the package. Marlene sifted through them and immediately pulled one in particular from the collection. She held it up for Mary to see before Lily had even glanced at the cover.

“This one, right?” Marlene asked.

“That’s the one,” Mary said breathlessly. “Where did you get it?”

“My mum. It used to be her favourite.”

Marlene held it out to her and Mary held it so gently Lily had to have thought it would break if she didn’t.

It dawned on Lily then, why Marlene knew anything about muggle music. She vaguely remembered then that Marlene had mentioned her mum was muggle-born. Perhaps she had more connection to the muggle world that way.

“I hate to ask but… what does 'that one' mean?” Lily said after a moment of Mary ogling the record.

Marlene and Mary exchanged simultaneous grins.

“The one we’re going to listen to first,” Mary told her.

“And… what exactly is it?”

Marlene playfully rolled her eyes like the answer was obvious,

“Dusty Springfield.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

What was also Lily’s fault? Not understanding that when Mary had said it was the first record they were going to listen to, she had meant ‘we’ as in them including Lily. In fact, she hadn’t realised at all that the whole point of getting the records sent to Hogwarts was to practically force her to listen to them.

“Remember, you said you listened to a record with Black and I said–”

“That such a travesty wasn’t allowed. Yes, I remember, Marlene. I didn’t think you seriously were going to do something about it,” Lily protested.

“What’s the problem, Lily?” Mary asked her. “You sound like you don’t want to have a listen even once.”

Lily shrugged, slowly, as if that could change the impact of her neutralness over the subject to the girls.

“Music isn’t my thing.”

“It isn't your thing?” Marlene said incredulously.

“None of it is very interesting to me.”

“None of it is interesting to you? You haven’t ever heard one song that you like?” Mary’s jaw dropped.

“I’ve not necessarily listened to enough to find one I do,” Lily protested.

“Well, that’s got to change,” Marlene declared.

“How is that possible?” Mary muttered under her breath.

“Oh, come on! It is not that weird that I don’t have a favourite song.”

“Right,” Marlene drew the word out and didn’t even try to sound convincing.

Lily rolled her eyes at them. She had always had other interests, simple as that. She spent most of her time reading and Petunia had always hated disruptions as well. It was the one way they had gotten along even in the midst of a fight; they hated being interrupted by what they were doing. Petunia liked to annoy Lily by purposefully doing the opposite sometimes, but that was all in good fun.

Petunia had not exactly been annoyed with her over the summer, but the teasing ways they had interacted before were gone. It was the first time Lily had felt how suffering silence could be.

Just thinking about it was enough to want to choke the quiet away.

“Play the record, then,” she told them.

Marlene was setting the record player up only a second after Lily had spoken. She looked to be extremely happy to be doing so, which made Lily annoyed with herself for protesting what Marlene had so wanted to share with her. She hadn't wanted to deter Marlene from what made her happy.

“Remember, this is only one of multiple records. If you don’t like this one, we’ll find something else for you.” Mary draped an arm around Lily’s shoulders and tugged her in, “We’ll turn you into a music lover, yet.”

Marlene set the record down, and then the needle on top of it. There was a second or two of scratchy spinning before it picked up on the lines threaded through the record and the music started all at once. There were just a few notes, a short introduction, and then a woman’s voice rang out.

When I said I needed you,

You said you would always stay,

It wasn’t me who changed, but you,

And now you’ve gone away.

The first four lines had Lily hooked. She wasn’t going to admit that, not that quickly. But Dusty Springfield’s voice was so very clear and there was something smooth to the way she sang. It wasn’t only that, but the immediate words hit the ache in Lily’s chest in the most hurtful way. Maybe she had never listened to the right music before, the music with lyrics that were an arrow straight toward her.

She had never given thought to the intuitiveness of music, and yet there it was, resonating in her chest so very loudly. It was so deafening it beat in her ears louder than her own heart. It blocked out any moment she had to not like it.

The song hit what she knew was the chorus. Though she didn’t mean to, Lily could only think of her sister.

You don’t have to say you love me,

Just be close at hand,

You don’t have to stay forever,

I will understand.

The message might not have been to Marlene or Mary or even to the artist herself what it was to Lily. Perhaps that was the point. It was versatile. You didn’t need the same experiences to feel something from what was playing.

She loved her sister an indescribable amount. Her first memory was of Petunia. Her first word was–almost–Petunia’s name. Everything she was, her sister was a part of it. Lily couldn’t care how separated they were, that would always be a fact. It was one that hurt, especially with the toll her magic had taken on her sisterhood. She couldn't begin to wonder if Petunia still had any amicable thoughts after that accident before Lily left, but Lily would love her sister on and on through it anyway.

Believe me,

Believe me,

Believe me.

The second song did not come as a shock to her nerves quite like the first. It was more playful and jazzy. She still liked the sound of it, but it was so much quieter than the first song. Quiet had never bothered her in the past. But she wanted that first song on repeat. She wanted it to fill her senses up and drown out everything else around her. She ached and the song allowed her to understand why.

The third on the track was the one Marlene knew all the words to.

“My mama told me when rumours spread,

There’s truth somewhere and I should use my head,

But I didn’t listen to what she said,

I kept right on saying,”

Then she would point to Mary who would sing (quite prettily, Lily had to admit):

“Oh no, not my baby,”

To which Marlene would join in again with:

“Oh no, not my sweet baby!”

It went on for a good few minutes, with Lily even joining in when she got the hang of the melody. At some point, it had turned into Mary standing on her bed and holding onto the bedpost to keep herself steady. Marlene was across from her hanging off the other bedpost. She took chances and swung around it when singing. Marlene’s voice was deeper and more gravelly than Mary’s haunting high notes.

Song after song passed and eventually Lily had fallen into comfortable compliance with the fact that she liked it. She liked music, she liked Dusty Springfield, and she wanted to hear more. She liked the way Marlene lost herself in it and the way Mary swayed around the room. They traded lyrics back and forth and Lily committed them to memory so she could sing along the next time.

Mary’s favourite song was Little by Little and it showed. Her face lit up with the starting notes and she shot to her feet and burst into singing immediately. A little way in, she dragged Lily to her feet and pulled her along to the words as they spun about.

Little by little by little by little,

Little by little,

Bit by bit,

I’m going crazy and you’re causing it,

Little by little,

Bit by bit,

I should stop caring,

But my love won’t quit.

Lily was laughing and dizzy by the time they sank back down to the floor next to Marlene, who had remained in a starfish-reminiscent position on the ground. They lay beside each other, breathing heavily to catch the air they’d lost amidst the singing and dancing.

The songs switched to the next then the next then the next and once more. Only then did Marlene shoot upright and practically yell,

“I haven’t heard this in forever!”

Here you are again,

Tellin' me you're sorry, baby,

Tellin' me you wanna come on back home.

Where you belong,

There you go again,

Lyin' and a-alibi-in',

Singin’ that same old worn-out song,

Here it comes now,

Marlene belted out the next part in a slightly unrhythmic way:

“I can’t hear you no more,

I’ve heard it all before,

You ain’t a-reachin’ me,

No how, no way,

No time until doomsday,

I can’t hear you no more,

I can’t hear you no more!”

It went on like that for one more song. The record spun until it hit nothing else to play… and then it stopped. Between the three of them, they made no sound. Lily slowly sat up and braced herself back on her palms. Her head swam from laying and then jumping up and dancing around then laying back down again.

Her hair fell in a wave over her shoulder as she turned toward Mary and Marlene.

“Can we play it again?” she asked in a whisper.

A smile crept slowly across Marlene’s face. She got up and went over to the record player to move the needle back. Mary raised a sly eyebrow at her.

“Don’t tell me you’ve decided you like music now,” Mary teased.

Lily lifted her chin, “Well then I’m better off not saying anything.”

It started again and there Lily was, back in her trance of notes and voices. For the first four songs, she sat utterly still with her eyes closed and her back up against her bed frame. Alice came in within that time, but Lily barely heard her over the tune from the record player.

She opened her eyes once the fifth song started playing, as it was more upbeat than the others. That and the fact that Alice knew that one, and so did Mary, and before Lily knew it it was the two of them spinning around the room. Marlene didn’t know the lyrics either, but both of them seemed enthralled.

Honestly, she was surprised how well Alice knew the song, given she was a pure-blood and they were listening to muggle music. Lily knew she didn’t know much about Alice. What was it Mary had said the other day? They needed to be around better people, or something of the sort was what she had declared.

Alice seemed like the better sort. Alice was fun, even if Lily had only caught little moments here and there with her. She was loud and proud in a way Lily might have envied if Alice wasn’t so nice.

Baila la bamba, no, no, no,

Baila la bamba, hey,

Baila la bamba,

Baila la bamba,

Andale!

Bamba, bamba,

Bamba, oh, oh, oh!

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“My brother has a few records he might part with, and my mum’s are stashed somewhere, but other than that I don’t know where we’d get more,” Marlene told them, long after it had been dark and they’d turned the music way down.

Lily had admitted to liking the record, which had spurred on the topic of what to introduce her to next. There were endless possibilities of listening material and she’d had to listen to her two friends debate what to get her.

“If it’s music you want, I can get you music,” Alice spoke up from where she was draped over her bed.

Mary perked up,

“Really? How?”

“In Hogsmeade, there’s a store with a bunch of muggle stuff, they’ve got records there.”

“I wish we could go with you,” Marlene groaned.

“Why couldn’t you?” Alice asked.

“Second years aren’t allowed in Hogsmeade, remember?” Lily reminded her.

“No, I know. I could sneak you out,” she shrugged.

Lily’s eyes went wide and she started to shake her head no. At the same time, Marlene grinned and Mary shook her head yes. She couldn't believe them! Sneaking out was such a blatant disrespect for the rules. Although... she couldn't help herself from indulging in a thought or two about getting her hands on more records.

“How would we sneak out?”

“It’s pretty easy, actually. If you go past the quidditch field, you can get out there and there’s this old path to Hogsmeade. I can show you sometime.”

“Absolutely–” Marlene started.

“–not!” Lily interrupted, out of good nature of being the responsible one.

Mary nudged her, “Come on, Lily, it’d be fun.”

Lily wanted to protest more than she already had, but Alice saw and said her piece first,

“You don’t have to if you don't want to, but I promise it’s safe. You won’t get in trouble either, I swear on Godric Gryffindor.”

“...If you’re sure, I guess we could–”

Marlene cheered before Lily even finished her sentence.

They were going to be the death of her, she just knew it.

Later than late that night, when they had each returned to their beds and finally shut off the music, words were still spinning in her head. The record player went round and round and weaved one of the melodies she'd resolved to remember forever.

Long after tonight is all over,

Long after tonight is all gone,

I’ll be yours,

For ever and a day,

Yours, come anything that may,

You’ll always be just everything to me, yeah.

Chapter Text

The wind in her hair and the feel of her battered lungs gasping for air were what Marlene loved most about Quidditch. Pushing herself to the maximum and then a little more, just because she could. It was what she had been taught to live for, and she did. On the edge, skating the line between recklessness and bravery, that’s where she resided. The ecstasy and adrenaline she got from it were like no other. It was the reason why, through all her ups and downs, quidditch remained constant. The feeling of it was never ending; it didn’t change.

Marlene barely slept the night before quidditch tryouts–which is to say she went to bed early to be rested and prepared, then woke at an earlier hour. She spent the morning walking from end to end of their room, stretching as she went and loosening up her mind. The day would rise from over the lake and be her chance for something she’d wanted for years.

Alice was up soon after she was. She was already on the team–a chaser. When she slid out past her bed curtains and saw Marlene practically already ready, she grinned widely and whispered,

“Good luck at tryouts.”

She slipped out then, off to meet her friend Frank Longbottom–the team’s keeper and captain. Marlene’s jitters spiked. Tryouts were drawing closer with each minute, though she still had too much time to wait around.

She changed into her quidditch kit quickly and quietly as Mary and Lily were still sound asleep. She stood staring at her reflection in the mirror. She was a direct copy of the quidditch player she was expected to be. The moment had come, just as it had for her brothers before her. It was her turn and she couldn’t lose it. Wouldn't lose it, because she didn't know what would happen if she did.

She roughly yanked her hair back to keep it out of her face then headed toward her bead. Underneath it, wrapped up and stowed away, was her broom. Her father had gifted it to her back when she was a younger girl, sometime around when Magnus joined the Gryffindor team.

“I expect great things from you,” he had told her as she hugged him tightly and thanked him a thousand times over.

It was the newest model back then, but could no longer be considered such. It was still a fine broom even if it was a bit outdated. That, and it had barely ever been used. The summer was the first time she had pulled it out of storage. A more stubborn version of her would have left it there for the wood to rot and splinter–not that it would–to spite her father. But she had admitted to its necessity for her success. A broom like it was hard to come by and made for better flying than the school’s brooms.

So she had set aside her stubbornness and spite for her own newly discovered reasons, and maybe for a few that didn’t belong to her.

She’d promised Finley, after all, that she would try.

The floor behind her creaked. She had been so concentrated on the broom she hadn’t even noticed both Lily and Mary were up. Lily was slowly pulling on her robes and Mary sat on her bed with her legs swinging down. Neither girl usually got up as early as Marlene, so it was not only surprising but confusing to see them there and partially awake.

“When do tryouts start?” Lily asked with a yawn.

Marlene gaped at her, “What?”

“Your quidditch tryouts. When do they start?”

“...in a little under an hour. Why are you two up?”

“We’re coming to be supportive,” Mary states as if it's an obvious, immutable fact.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Mary shrugged, “We’re already awake.”

“And we want to,” Lily added with a roll of her eyes.

Mary stifled a yawn while pointing at Lily to emphasise her point.

“Well… thanks,” Marlene mumbled a little.

Lily grinned sweetly at her. Mary, still yawning, asked,

“Are you nervous?”

Marlene almost couldn’t believe her answer herself, but it was the truth that she hadn’t realised until that moment,

“No. Not at all.”

After all, what was there to fear? Disappointment? Expectations? No reason to be afraid of that. Simply put: she was a Gryffindor.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

By the time they got down to the quidditch pitch, a fairly large group had collected. There were a few onlookers in the stands. Among them were Peter and Lupin. Marlene waved goodbye to Mary and Lily and they wished her good luck before parting ways.

The team was there, with Longbottom at the forefront. They were chatting easily and eyeing the group of could-be recruits. Marlene joined the line of those waiting to try out. James flashed her an easy grin with Black looming behind him. Of course, he was there too. One was not without the other most days. Marlene found it odd Peter wasn’t there with them, but he never had the drive for quidditch she and James did.

Marlene surveyed the team. For weeks already she had been obsessing over the open positions, the team dynamics, and all their latest wins and losses. Alice had indulged her all too willingly and Marlene was–not for the first time–deeply grateful to have been roomed with the girl. It didn’t necessarily give her any advantage over the others, but at least she knew what to expect.

Longbottom clapped his hands together to gain the attention of them all. Behind him, the team formed a more organised line.

“Alright, listen up. We only have so much time here; Slytherin’s booked the pitch afterward.”

At that, Alice audibly booed. Her teammates around her stifled laughter. Longbottom cast a look over his shoulder and Alice straightened up instantly. She caught Marlene’s eye and winked at her. Marlene had to hold back her own laugh, so she squared her shoulders and stood tall and ready to convey the confidence and cohesion she needed to exude.

“As I was saying. We only have so many positions open. We need two chasers and one beater. We’ll also be taking a backup chaser and beater, who’ll only play if the main position player is otherwise unavailable. In total, that means we’re only taking five new players, understand?”

Shouts of ‘yes’ and ‘yes, captain’ rang across the field. There had to have been upwards of thirty of them, eager and hungering to claim one of those five spots as their own. Still, Marlene found no reason to be nervous. Perhaps that was presumptuous of her–there were no doubt other good players surrounding her–but it was going to be her.

“Let’s go.” Longbottom waved them up.

From there, it was one of the most gruelling experiences she’d ever had. Longbottom wasn’t kidding around. It was his first year as captain and everyone knew they were going to be in for some rough competition. Ravenclaw was always competent when it came to quidditch, but that year, there had been rumours of the new Slytherin captain replacing the whole team. As in, no one already on it was guaranteed a spot. The confidence the new captain had was beyond no other, but the talk of it had been enough to make anyone sweat.

The first thing Longbottom put them through was flying until failure. Endurance, speed, and the ability to go and then have to go further were what he was aiming to test. As she said, that was her favourite part of quidditch. Both her brothers used to challenge each other to see who could fly the longest, the fastest. She had always argued with them that she could compete with them as well. Magnus would laugh, and Finley would give her that look that meant he was trying so hard not to make her mad. Once she met James however, their confidence over her supposed inability to outdo them in a race slowly faded. That was the thing about having unlimited access to a quidditch pitch in a friend’s backyard: you had the boundless ability to practise.

She sped around and over more than half her competition within the first few seconds. She dipped underneath James and hung upside down from her broom. When he caught her there, she pushed her limits further and raced away from him.

“SHOW OFF!” he yelled after her.

Slowly yet surely, competitors started dropping like flies. There was a handful of them who held on–and a group within that handful that she had sorely lapped. James was neck in neck with her almost the full way. They had trained together after all, but she had no competition with him. James was a chaser; Marlene was a beater.

Beater had always been her favourite position in any mock game she’d ever played. Both her older brothers were chasers, as had her father been. He had expected it of her, too, but she didn’t need to live that far up to what he wanted of her. She was there, playing quidditch like he had insisted all of his children would. She had found her love of it without his help and that was why she was still playing. It wasn’t for him anymore. It was for herself.

Black, on the other hand, was a bigger competition than she immediately took him for. Pure-blood and from a family with honour and loads of money, she should have been able to guess quidditch would be another thing he believed to have mastered. 'Believed to have mastered' because she wasn’t so sure he could beat her.

That voice in her head telling her she had it in her to be better (which sounded an awful lot like her father’s) was loud and rude and cutthroat.

Longbottom had to call them down from the sky. Marlene, James, Black, and three others she didn’t know the name of were left. Longbottom looked at them approvingly, and with a nod waved them on to receive the next instruction.

Though she was dripping sweat and practically shaking from the force she had been flying with, there it was: that pure adrenaline that kept her going. She wasn’t even close to being done, and she didn’t want to be. She wanted to prove just how far she would take it to be the best.

They were split up into two groups then: the beaters and the chasers. Black, still, was her only real competition. She wasn’t worried about the others. There were maybe one or two second years in the mix. Everyone else was years ahead. That meant only a few things to her: they’d never wanted to try out until now, they had never gotten the chance for their position, or they’d been rejected from the team before. It was like she said, she wasn’t worried.

The one beater already on the team was some seventh year named Hester Barrows. She directed them until they were lined up to start drill after drill after drill. They cycled through, each taking turns. It was endless. She lived for it. Every time she was given the beater’s club, each time she got a feel of that smooth wood, and the way it shook in her hands when the bludger slammed against it was revolutionary.

Left and right and in any direction they pointed to, she hit all the bludgers sent her way. Barrows was ruthless with the way she drilled them. It made Marlene’s bones sing and her heart beat faster as bludgers sped toward her so fast they’d surely break her skull open if they ever got close enough.

Next, they put them all against each other. Each of them was given their own club, and more than two bludgers were released. It was pandemonium and exhilarating enough to give her a heart attack. It was also where some of the recruits failed to be able to keep up.

In the middle of it all, she had somehow managed to team up with Sirius Black. A bludger would come her way and she’d hit it with all her might toward him, then he’d hit it as far away from all of them as he possibly could. Vice versa, he would hit a bludger to her and she’d strike it far, far away. It became their trick so they didn’t become overwhelmed by bludgers.

If that was bad in any sense, what came after was worse. They had the chasers out tossing and stealing the quaffle. Barrows would then hit a bludger in the direction of one of them, and whoever was closest had to speed over and hit it away before someone got seriously injured. It was a dangerous bet for sure.

Her proudest moment was when she used another bludger to redirect one that was speeding toward James’ turned head. He didn’t even notice until the loud slamming sound of two bludgers colliding echoed behind him. He turned around in shock. She smiled and waved, and desperately hoped Longbottom or Barrows had seen.

As the day went on and the sun beat down over them, a few here and there were dismissed. They were whittled down until all that was left were the crazy quidditch nuts like her who wanted a place on the team so bad they would die for it.

By the time they converged again, there were only ten of them left standing. Four of them were a selection of beaters and six were a selection of chasers. James and Black were still in the running, as well as others who had been quite enthralling to watch. It didn't make her wish any less for the spot, no matter how well they did.

Sweat dripped down her back and her forehead and it had gotten to the point where she was pretty much soaked through with it. It wasn’t hot out in the slightest, if anything it was only warm by a margin, but she’d been going for hours with no break.

She thought that, maybe, her brothers would be proud of her if they saw how much she was working to get this. She hoped they were proud.

Across the field, the team had been discussing each and every flaw and attribute of those who tried out. She knew it came down to the captain, but Alice had told her beforehand that Longbottom would consider everything the team had to say.

Marlene waited. They all waited. She had to have impressed them enough, she knew it.

The time it took the team to finish their discussion and walk back over to where they stood was excruciating, but she bared it with her chin high and teeth gritted against the ache of sore muscles.

“We’ve made our decisions. If you hear your name, you’re dismissed.” Longbottom continued to call out a list of names.

Her name wasn’t called. Did that mean…? Was she?

She glanced around and counted. There were still too many of them, though it was mostly chasers. The last two beaters left were her and Black. One of them would get the position. One of them wouldn't.

She locked eyes with him. The same thoughts must’ve been swirling through his head, especially with the way he was looking at her. She turned away first and set her sights on Longbottom.

“Alright, our chasers are James Potter,”

James broke out in the widest smile she’d ever seen as Longbottom called out the name of the second chaser.

“And our new beater is Marlene McKinnon.”

Her heart soared and jumped out of her chest. She barely registered anything else. Alice congratulated her, and then James was by her side shaking her shoulder with a face-splitting grin. Her friends were coming down from the stands by the time she shook herself out of her shock.

She grabbed a hold of James’ hand that was on her shoulder.

“Great Godric, we did it. We made the team,” she said breathlessly.

He nodded along and held on tightly to her in joy until he caught Peter and Lupin behind them and went rushing off to deliver the news to them.

Marlene spotted Black again. He was standing out of the way with a far-off look in his eyes. She understood, to an extent, how he must have been feeling. He didn’t make it. She did. She couldn’t imagine what would be going through her head if that was her. So she held out her hand amicably and said,

“Good job. You played well.”

He stared at her outstretched palm for a moment before breaking back into his usual character. He shook her hand fiercely.

“At least I’m not the one who has to get up for morning practices,” he winked with a smile trained on his face.

“Right,” she mumbled under her breath.

“Marlene!” Mary came rushing toward her and yanked her into a hug. “You did so good!”

Marlene’s face went red with the sudden contact. She hugged Mary back just as fiercely. Behind them, and a little more calmly, Lily said,

“Look at you! We knew you could do it.”

“Thank you both for coming. It means everything to me,” Marlene told them.

Mary pulled away, “We’ll come to your games, obviously, but I do hope you know I’m never getting up this early again.”

Marlene threw her head back and laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes.

“Whatever you say, Mary.”

Lily chuckled along with Marlene and mouthed the words,

“So dramatic.”

It threw Marlene into more hysterics, to the point where Mary set her hands on her hips and looked down at her intently.

“I’m just telling the truth. Would you prefer I lie? Oh, yes, Marlene. I’ll get up every morning to watch you fly around a pitch a thousand times,” Mary spoke with a lilt of sarcasm.

“Please, you don’t have to do that,” Marlene laughed. “I’m just glad you were here today.”

Marlene threw her arms over their shoulders and drew them into a collective side hug. They went with it, even when Lily playfully pulled away with her nose scrunched up and joked,

“God, what did you do, bathe in a pool of sweat?”

“Hey! This sweat earned me a spot on a quidditch team!”

Chapter Text

Dorcas buckled the last clasp on her quidditch boot and pulled it tight so the leather was taut on her leg. Around her, the girls’ quidditch locker room was vacant to the point of dead silence. Emma had been there earlier with her, but the second the Gryffindors had finished their tryouts she was rushing out to meet Slughorn on the field.

“Why is Slughorn watching our tryouts?” Dorcas had asked her before she left.

Sure, he was head of Slytherin house, but none of the heads of houses were involved with their quidditch teams to that extent. She almost thought he liked to insert himself into the lives of his students. He wanted to feel important.

“He wants to make the final decision on all the players,” Emma rolled her eyes.

Dorcas had scoffed at that.

“Don’t worry,” Emma stood with her hands on her hips. “I’ll get the team I want.”

After she had gone, Dorcas was left on her own. She knew no other Slytherin girls were on the pitch already–she had checked. The locker room was eerie in all its silence. It made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

Dorcas had seen the pictures hanging on the walls of Hogwarts of the Slytherin team that dated years back. Before Emma, there was not a single girl in any of the frames. She’d looked up each namesake in every photo as well–all pure-bloods. The thought that those two factors slimmed her chances of making the team made her gut turn. She was not about to let something as asinine as that conflict with her ability to play.

Behind her, she heard the door swing open and hit the wall. She turned in surprise and downright curiosity at who else could be joining her. Maybe it was a Gryffindor girl who'd left something behind. But no, staring back was one of the last people she would have assumed to be there: her roommate, Lucinda Talkalot.

Dorcas sat on the edge of the bench with her neck craned at the girl. She was carefully contemplating her back whilst still in the doorway. Lucinda moved into the room slowly, like an animal in the middle of the woods trying not to be seen. For all she had said to Dorcas that first day, she bit her words back now.

Dorcas thought for one swaying moment that perhaps she should be the one to say something. A casual greeting, or something. They often passed each other morning and night; they weren’t strangers. She was almost glad when Lucinda decided to be the first to say anything, if only because it put Dorcas out of her misery of what to say.

“I didn’t know you played quidditch,” Lucinda remarked as she set her bag down on a bench.

“I could say the same to you,” Dorcas responded quietly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Lucinda laughed softly as she glanced around. “Is it only you and I?”

Dorcas shrugged, “Nobody else has been through here.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good or bad sign,” Lucinda muttered.

Dorcas shook her head in agreement. Lucinda had her back turned, though, so the conversation petered out and didn’t achieve anything more. Dorcas had no more reason to be in the locker room, but she hadn’t wanted to go out to the pitch yet. She supposed she was nervous about what would be waiting for her there.

“What position do you play?” she found herself asking instead.

“Keeper. It was a stroke of luck for me that the last one graduated,” Lucinda said.

“That wouldn’t have mattered, even if he was. Slughorn decided no positions are guaranteed no matter who was on the team last year. Every spot is up for grabs.”

“No way!” she exclaimed. “What are you hoping for, then?”

“Beater.”

Lucinda scrutinised her for a moment. She finally nodded,

“You’d make a good beater.”

Dorcas had no clue whether it was supposed to be a compliment or just something Lucinda thought and wanted to share aloud.

“And you a good keeper,” Dorcas said.

Lucinda grinned as she finished buckling her own boots. She stood with a determined gleam in her eyes.

“Come on then. It’s time we head out there.”

Dorcas’ knee bounced up and down as she stared somewhat wearily at the exit to the pitch. Looking once more at Lucinda, who had no fear as far as the eye could see, Dorcas stood and followed her out. She was a Slytherin after all, and she had it in her to reach for what she wanted.

The first thing she noticed was that there was a bigger crowd waiting for the Slytherin tryouts than there had been for the Gryffindor ones. She recognized only a few from her own year: Mulciber, Avery, and some others who hung around them she didn't know the names of. Mulciber saw her there and quickly turned away as if that would make him invisible to her. He was embarrassed by what happened the first day, and honestly? She was embarrassed for him.

Not only that, but more were waiting in the stands watching from a distance. Among those, she could easily spot Pandora. She was the blue in the green. Next to her were Regulus, Evan, and Barty. She waved and Pandora returned the gesture wildly. Dorcas smiled to herself even though Pandora wouldn't have been able to see her from the distance.

Slughorn called them to attention, and every face turned to see what he had to say.

“As some of you may know and some may not, we are holding these tryouts as a full team replacement,” he grinned wide and animatedly in a way that made her cringe. “Show me what you’ve got, but there are no guarantees.”

Scowls and dark whispers were traded throughout the group. Everyone looked upon each other like the enemy. Dorcas, being who she was, could practically feel the judgement falling on her. Lucinda bumped her shoulder against hers and they exchanged one long, unwavering look.

Emma spoke next with a firmly strong and loud enough voice to gain attention. “I am your captain, Emma Vanity. There will be four types of trials today, based on position. It’s going to be a long day so listen carefully, here’s how it will go.”

She went on to explain the complexity of each trial. Dorcas tuned out for most of the positions until she got to addressing the beaters.

“It will be one at a time, with both Slughorn and I evaluating you. What we want to see from you is simple. You are the defence, and so we want to see how you respond to any challenge we give you. Am I understood?” She raised her eyebrows at them.

“Yes, captain!” they responded in unison.

“I want chasers on that end, keepers across from them, seekers down there, and beaters opposite them.” She pointed vigorously in different directions and then said, “If your group is not being currently evaluated, you are flying laps or occupying yourself in some other productive way.”

Dorcas felt bad for her as she followed the other beaters to their spot. She had to conduct the trials all on her own (because what help was Slughorn really) since the full team was being replaced. She was the only chaser who already had a spot on the team.

Since having parted from Lucinda, there was no one around she had any interest in talking to. It was better to avoid it if she could. Not a single person there wanted to be her friend or anything close to it. They weren’t teammates yet, and besides, only two of the group of fifteen or so would get to be.

So she stretched away from the other beaters and ignored them for the better part of the first hour. When she truly got bored, she summoned her broom and joined the players who had taken to flying laps like Emma had instructed.

She caught Lucinda again up in the air.

“I swear I’ve been waiting forever,” Lucinda muttered.

“Well, they started with the chasers. It’s the biggest group.” Dorcas nodded down to where they all were.

Lucinda sighed heavily. She searched the crowd in the stands before pointing,

“Look! There’s Aurora and Cereus.”

Dorcas spied them far below.

“Are you… friends?” Dorcas asked.

Lucinda shrugged, “I guess. Our families have known each other for a long time, so we were always near one another as kids. It happens to a lot of us pure-bloods. Everyone knows everyone.”

Dorcas soured at the thought. Any achievements were harder when you were not on the insides of ‘everyone knows everyone’.

“That’s why it’s so surprising how immediately you made friends with Black and Rosier,” Lucinda told her. “Nobody knew you and now everybody does.”

Dorcas’ heart did a jump at the words. She wasn’t given a chance to say anything to that before Lucinda was talking again.

“You should come to one of the Greengrass galas sometime. It’s mostly Sacred Twenty-Eight families, but neither I nor Aurora are, though we’re still pure-bloods. Although I guess I don’t know if you’re one or not…” Lucinda trailed off as if she’d said too much.

“My mum is pure-blood. She’s not from Britain, though.”

Dorcas failed to mention her dad. She should have. She loved him for all his worth and couldn't care less about his blood status. But she had to be careful around those who did care.

“Then you and your mum should come. The galas might seem boring, but they can be quite interesting.”

Lucinda didn’t ask about her dad.

Knowing what her mum would want her to say, she nodded, “We’d be honoured to.”

They flew in silence until Lucinda had to return to the group of keepers on the ground. Dorcas almost didn’t want to head back down herself. It was a clear day that held a slight breeze in the air. The wind whipped her cheeks when she flew, but it was refreshing instead of cold, for once.

Almost a full hour later, her time came. She landed beside the tired and bored group of beaters. Most of them had decided to sit on the pitch, sedentary as they waited, but she had known better. She was warmed up and ready to go. She hadn’t spent an exorbitant amount of energy flying around the pitch, but just enough that her muscles were loose.

It had been a good decision on her part. She almost felt bad for those who had taken to lounging around. Almost. They'd made their bed with their choices and she had made hers.

The second the first boy was up in the air, he was battered with bludgers. Beneath him, Dorcas and the others stood waiting for their turn. A hush fell across the group as the first bludger hit the boy directly in between the shoulder blades. He was lucky, the bludger had looked to be going half its normal speed with a quarter of the force backing it.

Dorcas searched for Slughorn and Emma on the pitch. They stood a ways apart from her and the other beaters. It was immediately obvious to her that Slughorn was in control of the bludgers. Above her, they weaved in and out of the wind and grey-blue sky.

She found herself watching as close as she could to everyone who had their trial before her. Slughorn pulled a lot of the same moves for each player. She noted everything he did, every stunt he put them through. Like a wheel was spinning in her head, she thought through all the counterattacks she knew and the way to perfectly execute them.

The others hardly watched with such scrutiny as she did. Half the boys around her were too caught up in the competition instead of the game itself. For a bunch of Slytherins, she’d thought they’d be a little more cunning than that. But they weren’t, and she was.

It was dusk by the time she had her turn. She was the last to go. She drifted up into the cyclone of bludgers with the sky painting a firelit scene behind her. Orange and red swirled all around and mixed with the jet-black bludgers spinning about in circles. In the middle of it, her green uniform was blazing like a snake in blood.

She twirled the bat in her hand in a sharp twist before drawing it back harshly. The bludger connected with it almost instantly; she’d anticipated Slughorn enough to make his first move her own. The bludger slammed straight into the ground beneath her. She didn't acknowledge the few who had to jump out of its way.

The test was made out to be ruthless–the others had come back sweating and panting like their lives had almost ended from it. Dorcas nearly laughed amid the sky as bludgers hurtled toward her. She matched every punch with a swing of her own. They ricocheted around so hard that Slughorn had to work to pull them under his control again.

It was going the best it could for her. Hell, if she wanted to get cocky about it, it was going better for her than anyone else. She wasn’t about to let Emma’s summer preparation and hours of training go to waste when it counted. Their training had not been as merciless as Slughorn’s version of tryouts. He, as the Head of the Slytherin house, had chosen to change their trials from the usual way the other houses conducted them. But Dorcas must’ve been enough of a Slytherin herself; she liked the extra challenge.

The tornado of bludgers slowed. It was her mistake to think that meant it was over. It was what caught her off guard.

A bludger skimmed straight past her cheek and grazed her ear as it went. She pulled sharply to the side in surprise. The sudden movement strained her balance and her grip slipped. She fell sideways off the broom with only her twisted ankles securing her.

In the split second she was upside down, her only thought was to berate herself: Dorcas, you idiot!

She used the resulting momentum of her fall to swing her legs back and force her broom back under her. It collided heavily with her chest, but she was determined to hold on this time. When he beckoned her, she made her way back down to Slughorn. Her chest burned from the hit and the shame of ending her trial on a bad note.

Slughorn nodded brusquely, hardly casting her a second glance, and said,

“You’ll be notified tomorrow whether or not you made the team.”

Dorcas held back a groan. It was like him to put them through all he had insisted upon and then make them wait more.

Emma flashed her a sly grin and a quick thumbs up before taking off after the eager-to-leave Professor Slughorn. It was mild encouragement and reassurement if nothing else.

“Where did you learn?” someone spoke up behind her.

Regulus, with Pandora, Barty, and Evan trailing behind, watched her with much reserved curiosity.

“My mum taught me. My sister as well.”

“Hm,” he didn’t offer more.

“Dorcas!” Pandora said with a shimmy of her hands, “You so absolutely destroyed everybody else.”

Dorcas laughed loudly and without care.

“Thanks, Pandora.”

She glanced behind her friend to her other friends–or sort of friends, she still wasn’t totally sure. They were an enigma, the five of them together. Evan nodded to her in respect. Barty, on the other hand, gestured to his cheek and then pointed to her,

“You’re bleeding, you know.”

Her hand darted up to her face and grazed over the skin that had been scraped over by the bludger. Specks of red dotted her fingers and her cheek stung at the contact. She tried not to visibly wince as the adrenaline of her flight started to wear off.

She shrugged, resolute and calm by all appearances,

“It’s only a scratch.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The next morning, all positions of the new and improved team were posted in the common room. There, among the very few accepted names was her own.

Dorcas was the new beater for the Slytherin Quidditch team.

Chapter Text

Late into the last night of October, the Gryffindor common room was alight with celebration. Loud rock music banished away any chance for an ounce of quiet. The party had been set up and run fully by the quidditch team. It was a tradition for them, or so Mary was told rather enthusiastically by Alice. Marlene joining the team had done one huge thing for the three of them: it had expanded the horizons of people who knew them and wanted them around. Mary could hardly recall what she had done the Halloween before, but not even the thought of it mattered after that ‘72 Halloween party.

Someone had either let Lupin or Black set up their record player in the middle of the room. She knew it could have only been one of them to do so as they both sat protectively by it and had taken all of the music responsibilities on themselves. Mary had asked if she could give them a record to play and was shot down so quickly it had her fuming.

Lily had dragged her away, saying, “Leave it, Mary. If they want to play bad songs, that's on them.”

She’d said it loud enough and with the sole purpose of the boys overhearing. Neither Mary nor Lily acknowledged their protests as they walked away in search of Marlene. They weren’t necessarily playing anything Mary didn’t like–even Lily herself was bobbing along to the music–but it was the response the situation demanded from Lily, and so it was the one she gave. Lily had a vindictiveness when it came to the boys and Mary was Lily’s friend. Hence, she had her back through and through.

“You two having fun?” Alice shouted as they drew closer to her.

“It’s certainly lively,” Lily mumbled.

Mary elbowed her, “She means to say yes.”

Alice let out that twinkling laugh Mary had started to become more and more familiar with. They’d gotten closer as the start of the second year drew on. Alice was a messiah of knowledge within herself.

“You’re free to go back up to the dorm at any point,” Alice reminded them.

Lily shrugged and pointed at their third across the room, “We’re staying as long as Marlene is.”

While Lily and Mary had casually been making rounds about the room, Marlene had been dragged with the quidditch team members from corner to corner. This, Alice said, was also a tradition. A welcoming of sorts for the newest, shiniest members of the team. Marlene had looked completely beside herself the whole time, even if she kept casting fervent glances in Mary and Lily’s direction.

A wicked smile spread across Alice’s face, “I was hoping so, but just in case, the time to get out is before midnight.”

“What’s happening at midnight?” Mary asked.

Alice winked and then was bounding off across the common room to head to where Frank was calling her.

“What have we gotten into,” Lily sighed the words so quietly that Mary almost couldn’t hear her above the music.

“Don’t act like you’re not curious, Evans,” Mary teased.

Lily rolled her eyes even as Mary went on.

“I know somewhere in that smart head of yours that you’re dying to break some rules,” Mary drawled overdramatically as she reached over and tapped on Lily’s forehead.

“Who’s breaking the rules?” Marlene leaned over from behind them where the quidditch group had migrated to.

“Nobody!” Lily hissed and cut Marlene a death glare.

“Can I come?” Potter joined in.

“Go away, Potter,” Lily snapped.

Mary pinched her lips together to stifle the giggle Lily always seemed to incite from her.

“But I heard we’re causing trouble,” Potter protested.

Mary was yanked to the side along with Marlene by Lily. She wrapped one of her pale, freckled arms through Mary’s elbow.

“You aren’t doing anything. ‘We’ does not include you,” Lily half-snarled.

On the other side of Lily, Marlene’s lips twisted at the comment, but Potter’s smile only grew. Mary couldn’t help rolling her eyes. If it was directed at both Potter and Lily, she wasn’t going to tell. As she said, Lily’s side through and through was her own. Marlene must’ve thought the same despite being teammates with Potter. She grinned wickedly under the low light of the room at Lily’s remark.

Lily dragged them away and toward an empty spot in the room. Marlene flashed a wave goodbye to her teammates. They cheered and whooped her name as she went, but they were quidditch nuts, they cheered for everything. Marlene put her hands up in a rock and roll sign. Mary threw her head back and laughed. She grabbed Lily’s hand and twirled her to the music.

They spent a good chunk of the party staying that way: the three of them, nobody else, against the world or anything else that might threaten their time together. Mary’s life had quickly narrowed and centred around her two best friends. There was nothing else to see, no one else to be around. Their friendship demanded her attention and she couldn’t turn her eyes away from it. Besides, why would she want to?

Despite her growing, sinking feelings that she didn’t fit into the wizarding world and the tearing desperation that made her want to, her girls were there for her. She hadn’t uttered a word of such atrocities and it was for the best. Marlene had her quidditch and Lily had her potions and Mary had them. It was going to have to be enough for her.

Marlene was singing every word of any song that came on and her voice was off-pitch but Mary loved it nonetheless. Lily beside her was doing her best to keep up and to learn the music bone deep. Ever since that first record, she had been so devoted to it.

Around them, they were enveloped in chants and cheers, and it was the moment that Mary knew the clock had struck twelve and that whatever was coming their way was approaching on quick feet. Alice tugged them along and out of the Gryffindor common room along with all the others.

In one big mass, the Gryffindor quidditch team and select friends of the team made their way out into Hogwarts corridors. Everyone was either shushing each other or giggling under their breath. Down they went, past staircases and classrooms until they were out of the castle. Then, and only then, did they break into a run headed straight for the pitch.

Outside, they were loud and boastful. Marlene had grabbed Mary and Lily’s hands, which led Mary to think she was privy to whatever they were up to. They sprinted after the team hand in hand. The night wind whipped at their hair and cheeks. The ground beneath them was black with darkness, cut through only by shaky light held up from wands. When Lily stumbled and almost fell, both Mary and Marlene quickly got her back on her feet. They were breathless and giddy by the time they reached the pitch.

“Marlene, what are we doing here?” Mary barely got the words out before a loud voice echoed around them.

“Can you all hear me?”

At the front of the group stood who Mary was pretty sure was the team captain. He had his wand to his throat in one of those voice amplification spells. It filled the pitch to the point where Mary had to wonder if they could hear it from the castle.

“Yes, Longbottom, we can hear you!” Alice bellowed.

He rolled his eyes at her extravagances.

“We have this little tradition for our new members, and any friends they want to bring along.” Frank nodded to the group Mary stood with.

She tugged on Marlene’s sleeve and whispered from behind her,

“Marlene, what did you drag us into?”

Marlene simply put her finger against her lips to signal for Mary to be quiet and turned her attention back on Frank. She exchanged a glance with Lily, who reached to pull Marlene in by her collar and demand an answer from her.

“It’s a mock game with the team against our newest members and their friends,” Frank said before Marlene could beat him to the punch.

This elicited cheers from the team–really, did they have to do that for everything?

Before Mary had any time to settle with the explanation she had gotten, everyone around her was in motion. They had brooms and a case full of bludgers and quaffles. She and Lily were left reeling as Marlene and James pulled them–as well as Remus, Sirius, and Peter–into a close group huddle.

James launched into rapid-fire strategizing, “Okay, so obviously I’ll be a chaser, Marlene a beater. Sirius, I’m assuming you want to be a beater as well, Evans you–”

“Woah, wait, I don’t even know how to play quidditch!” Lily pulled away from the group with her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyes had barely glanced over James.

“Me neither,” Mary agreed.

She caught Remus nodding along, though he didn’t voice it.

“That’s fine, Evans you could be the seeker, Mary maybe–”

It was Mary’s turn to cut him off, “Marlene?”

“It’ll be fun, just go along with it,” Marlene grinned.

Lily went to argue again, but Marlene anticipated it enough.

“Look, okay, quidditch is pretty easy.” Then she launched into a mildly comprehensive explanation of the game and positions.

Mary listened to her as attentively as she could. It wasn’t complicated like Marlene had said.

“Lils, you should be the seeker. Mary and Lupin should be chasers. Peter’s the keeper, yeah?” Marlene raised her eyebrows and waited for one of them to challenge her, but none did.

It made Potter break out in a grin, which consequently had Lily rolling her eyes so far back into her head her irises disappeared. Lily’s severe reactions to Potter never failed to amuse Mary. She knew it mostly had to do with the fact that Lily was friends with Severus and that Potter and the other boys despised Severus, but Lily also always was baseline annoyed with them. Just–pure annoyance. She never made any move to hide it either. That, Mary could appreciate. She herself liked being forthright and preferred it when others were too.

“Alright, we got this, yeah?” Marlene asked in an attempt to get the others as excited as she and Potter were.

“Half of us have only flown on a broom a handful of times,” Remus pointed out.

“Marls, I could barely fly under Madam Pomfrey’s instructions,” Lily agreed.

“Oh, you two will be fine,” Marlene waved her hand through the air in a gesture of nonchalance.

“If we lose, it’s your fault for making us do this,” Mary told her.

“Where is your sense of pride? Don’t tell yourself we’re going to lose, tell yourself we’re going to win!” Marlene exclaimed as she started dragging them to where the Gryffindor team had converged in the centre of the field.

Despite the fact that three of their players couldn’t play the game, and they had no plan of attack, they had to start the game anyway. Marlene, along with Potter and Black, led them with enthusiasm and encouragement in between the towering hoops and then up into the air.

Using the voice amplification spell again, Frank announced the countdown to the game. Mary hovered in the air as tension filled the night sky.

And so it began.

It was instantly too much all at once. Their opposition had the quaffle and Potter was diving for it all the while gesturing for her and Lupin to follow. Mary couldn’t even see where Lily went, and Marlene was flying all around with Sirius to the point where Mary gave up trying to figure out what she was doing.

Everyone was a moving part, all contributing to the overall goal. Each motion from one was counteracted by another. They circled and dove and spun and chased. Her eyes had to be everywhere yet in specific places just as much. She wasn’t sure she was even helping or doing anything at all for a solid ten minutes.

But then, somehow, by chance or bad luck, the quaffle ended up in her hands.

She was flying in one direction, James mirroring her opposite with a hand open wide and waiting for her to toss it. The other chasers were speeding at her and zigzagging around bludgers.

It was the moment she connected quidditch to dancing. Everything was a moving part, and one motion contributed and caused another. It flowed and stemmed off of all movement. Exactly like when she was dancing, when one step became another, another, another.

She ducked; Marlene hit a bludger. She tossed; James caught. She went one way; Lupin went the other. The opposing team took the quaffle; Peter blocked. Sirius hit a bludger; the ball was back in Mary’s arms. They were a decently put-together machine that needed all its parts to keep working.

They held their own for about half of the game, then Frank called a timeout. They converged into their own teams, with the opposing whispering in a huddle. Potter sent their team back up into the air with a quick,

“Keep this up and we could make this game our own!”

Alas, that wasn’t how it went.

When they started back up again, they were pulverised. Thoroughly and absolutely, the actual quidditch team dismantled all their defences and smashed through their offence. It only came to its rough end when Lily somehow caught the gleam of the golden snitch, and it was in her hand a few moments later. Even with those points, they were done for.

When Mary’s feet hit the ground once more, her knees collapsed under her and she let herself hit the ground. She was breathing heavily and sweating all over from the sheer exertion. Beside her, Lily hunched over with her hands on her knees in a similar fashion.

“Oh my god, I’m never doing this again,” Lily breathed out.

Mary exhaled a rather pained laugh. Her ribs constricted until she was cough-laughing against the grass. Marlene chucked her broom to the ground and stood resolutely with them. She was not struggling nearly as much as Mary or Lily but was just as defeated. With her hands on her hips, Marlene said,

“That didn’t go great.”

“Didn’t go great?” Potter shouted from behind her. “That was awesome!”

There Mary went, laughing hysterically once more. Lily joined her that time, huffing out with huge effort against her laboured lungs.

Alice came skipping over, not affected even in the slightest by the match. She bit down on her lip and a huge smile before saying to Marlene,

“Oh, I am so happy to have you on the team.”

“Really? You crushed us,” Marlene said in disbelief.

“Pfft, of course we did, but that doesn't matter. You still showed how valuable you can be on the team, you and Potter both.”

“We did?”

“Yes!” Alice’s eyes bulged at Marlene as if she had three heads, before turning to Mary, “And if you are ever interested in being a chaser, let me know.”

“You can’t be serious,” Mary shook her head.

“I am, but if not, you’re welcome to just hang around practice. You too, Lily,” Alice grinned. “Now, c’mon. We need to get back in before Filch gets suspicious.”

On their way in, Mary leaned over to Lily and whispered,

“I am never playing quidditch again.”

Lily shot her a knowing look.

“Tell me about it.”

“... It was a little fun, though,” Mary added.

Lily held her finger up to her lips and joked, “Don’t tell Marlene that, she’ll make us practise with her.”

Mary threw her head back and laughed with her full body. Truthfully, she thought there were worse things to do than hang around with her friends, even if it involved some amount of quidditch.

Chapter Text

The three new additions to her life that were made up by Regulus, Barty, and Evan were nothing less than surprising. There was no usual explanation for how they fit together. They’d started rocky, with Regulus trying to conceal the part of him Dorcas had already—accidentally–seen, with Barty’s accusatory demeanour and restless temper, and with Evan’s simple acceptance of her.

It was Sirius Black’s fault when they all eventually fell into place with each other. It was as if their edges displaying their worst and best qualities just fit.

It had been at the end of September when Regulus’ brother had tried to approach him with Dorcas and the others around. She’d known Regulus enough at that point to recognize the straining relationship he had with his brother. He’d mentioned offhandedly the times before that Sirius had attempted to talk to him at Hogwarts. There was one point she took from each conversation she had with Regulus about Sirius: it hurt him to be near his brother. So when Regulus stood to begrudgingly greet him, Dorcas followed and placed herself between the pair.

She wasn’t sure why, at the moment, that she had done so. But in the minutes afterward she was distinctly aware that Evan, Barty, and Pandora had done the same as she had. It was hard to not acknowledge that she cared after that.

It frightened her ever slightly, to understand how deep care could grow and root into one's heart after a mere month.

Even more so after two had come to pass and the third rushed in to fully knock her off her feet with how strongly she felt for her friends.

It had progressed something like this:

Pandora she, of course, already cared so much about. But then she heard someone mocking the girl behind her back.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“The Slug Club is soon to start. Do you remember, the one I told you about last year? For potions,” Pandora informed her.

“Yes, I remember. I take it that means you’re joining?” Dorcas asked as she set her bag on the Slytherin table.

“I suppose. However…”

“However?”

“I am nervous, I guess.”

Dorcas had to cock an eyebrow at that. Pandora didn’t shy away from her interests unless there was real trouble, and even then it was still a coin toss as to whether that would deter her.

“What for?” Dorcas questioned.

“I’m not the usual type that Slughorn accepts into the club.”

Dorcas had to study her friend closely after such a sentence. Pandora’s eyes were downcast at her palms. Her hands lay face up on her lap, pale with starkly blue veins. She held a contemplative shine in her eyes. It was a countenance Dorcas had seen on rare occasions from her. It spoke louder than her actual words.

Dorcas took one of Pandora’s hands, hoping to interrupt her train of thought from going off the tracks.

“You love potions, and you love this opportunity. Don’t let them convince you otherwise. Go in there, do the experiments you please, and don’t concern yourself with anything else,” Dorcas said resolutely.

“I’m not sure I’m all too liked,” Pandora grimaced.

“And? I’ve been unlikable since the first day, Pandora.”

Pandora took a moment to mull over Dorcas’ words. She nodded, slowly and restrained, until her eyes cleared and she gained back the normal glint that set her apart from anyone else Dorcas knew.

It was only a week later, after the second meeting of the Slug Club, did Dorcas think about what Pandora meant when she said she wasn’t ‘all too liked’. Maybe she hadn’t understood at first because no part of her disliked any part of Pandora. She couldn't fathom the idea.

She had taken to waiting for Pandora by Slughorn’s classroom, as it was down in the dungeons, and Dorcas didn’t want her there by herself. Two older Slytherin boys had left the classroom first. They barely glanced Dorcas' way.

“Why did Slughorn let that bloody Ravenclaw into the Club?” The first boy muttered. “Her parents are blood traitors.”

“Forget about her parents, why does she talk like that? ‘You must try to add the crushed beetle after the ground asphodel, or run the risk of–”

Dorcas didn’t let him say much more than that. She knew by now that Pandora was the only Ravenclaw in Slug Club. She knew just as well that her friend embellished her words, but it had never bothered Dorcas. It was just how she spoke, there wasn’t any reason to make fun of her for it.

She shot a stunning spell at the boy’s back. He stumbled and hit his hands and knees. She didn’t take note of the way the torchlight flickered around her.

“Don’t speak about her like that,” Dorcas spat at the boy.

She disarmed the second one before he had the chance to jump in. She then tossed the wand back over his head until it clattered on the ground behind him.

“What did you do that for?” he said in outrage.

Her eyes narrowed at him and she made no attempt to offer an explanation. He scoffed and turned to pick up his fallen wand. As soon as his back was to her, she sent another offensive spell at him. The previously stunned boy made no move to help, instead opting to crawl himself back away from her.

She left the two of them there, fumbling and confused. She didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Dorcas was with Barty in the library, when he’d practically thrown the book at a nearby shelf and yelled frustratedly that he couldn’t understand it.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Since the day he stepped into Hogwarts, Dorcas had never seen Barty even once set a single foot in the library. In those first few months, he wasn’t all too inclined to do his work, in or out of classes. Dorcas had taken notice of it rather quickly. But he always shrugged it off and said he just ‘couldn’t be bothered’.

It was exclusively her and him that afternoon. Salazar knew where the others were. Barty was prattling on about this or that issue with one of his professors as Dorcas steered them to the library. She was listening dutifully until Barty just—stopped talking. It was right as they’d made it to the large double wooden doors of the library.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“Don’t tell me we’re here for you to study,” he snorted.

She raised an eyebrow, “That’s almost exactly what we’re here for. And what about you? I know you have your own books you could be devoting your time to.”

“You’re always studying, though. It’s boring,” he ignored her second point entirely.

“I have classes to pass. So do you.”

Again, he brushed off her shot at him, “You’ll pass your classes just fine, let’s do something exciting.”

She rolled her eyes into the back of her head. She pushed past him and into the library without a second word. She gave him the choice to either follow or be left alone until he could find one of their other friends.

“Dorcas!” he whined behind her as the doors closed in his face.

She hadn’t even made it to a few steps in before he was following.

She settled into the back table by the windows where she and Pandora usually passed time. He watched reluctantly with his mouth twisted into a pout-like grimace. She raised her eyebrows in challenge as she spread her papers across the table.

“Well?” she asked.

With the most over-the-top sigh he could give, he sank into the closest seat. He kept his arms crossed and his face stayed twisted in a disdainful sneer. For someone who put up so much fight, he gave in pretty quickly.

She started on her notes with laser-focused attention. If there was one thing she would not be doing, it would be letting McKinnon get ahead of her. The other girl had been stepping up her game this year, and Dorcas wasn’t going to allow that to happen without doing so herself. So, she devoted her mind and body to spending a good hour there, reviewing and revising.

It became evident after only ten minutes that Barty did not have the same rapt focus she did. It would have been fine if he could contain himself. But it was Barty Crouch Jr. she was talking about. Whatever was his problem had to be everybody else’s as well. With a book in his hands, he flipped this way and that in his chair. Upside down, backward, feet on the table. He flipped the pages loudly back and forth. Was he even reading anything?

Dorcas slammed her book down on the table. He looked up with wide eyes. She gave him a warning glare and went back to reading. He went back to fidgeting. She tried to leave it be. If only it was that easy.

Barty chucked the book at the closest thing he could–a towering bookshelf–with a more wild look in his eyes than she’d seen before.

She flinched when the book hit the old wood of the shelf and rebounded onto the floor. She slowly turned around to stare openly at Barty. There were splotches of red on his cheeks and his jaw was clenched tight.

“I don’t understand it!” he yelled.

Dorcas rose from her chair and cautiously picked the book up from where it had landed. She slid closer to Barty and passed the text back to him.

“Show me where you were at,” she nodded to the book.

The red in his face bled away along with the anger until he was pale and tense again. He flipped the book open once more. It hit the table with a quiet thud as the pages fell over themselves and stopped where he was reading. He tapped the paragraph he was on. She scanned over it as quickly as she could before gently querying,

“What is it you aren’t understanding?”

He slumped down and toyed with the corner of the page.

“Barty,” she stated in a tone made to force him into an answer.

“I can’t focus on it long enough to… to…”

“To understand?”

He gritted his teeth and nodded begrudgingly.

She sat still and contemplated this new fact. Barty was a complicated person, to deal with, to be around, to know. He was not a person to be approached without caution. She couldn’t jump in head first and say or ask what she needed, it was best to leave that tactic to Evan. Evan was the only one Barty won’t attack head-on. So she held her tongue ever so slightly.

“Where do you learn best?”

When she wants to ask if he’s learned anything at all.

“I do fine in lectures,” he mumbled.

“So it’s better when the material is taught to you?”

He hesitated, “I suppose.”

She nodded resolutely and then packed away her own study materials.

“Oh, are we leaving? Yes, please.” He moves to stand.

She held out a hand and he paused.

“No, I’m helping you.”

“Helping me?”

“Yes. With your studies.”

He fell back into the chair quite unceremoniously. Despite his huffing and complaints, he sat there and let her teach him what he couldn’t figure out. She would have done so no matter what arguments he made, no matter how difficult he acted.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Evan made her come to the terrible conclusion that he believed she only put up with him because of Pandora.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Your turn,” she hummed.

Evan’s eyes darted around the chessboard. From afar, he might have appeared bored, but up close she could see his strategizing as apparent as day. He moved a piece and nodded her way in an indication of her turn. She was quicker about it, having contemplated her own in advance. They played on. The only sound was that of the general noise around them and the chess pieces being set down on their tiles.

“This is probably quite boring for you,” Evan remarked halfway through the game.

Piece still in hand, Dorcas had to stop. She glanced up at him. His eyes were fixed on the window beside them that looked into the Black Lake.

“Why would you say that?”

He half-shrugged then pointedly turned his gaze to the board. She sat back with the small pawn still kept in her fingers so the game could not continue. He had to have heard and seen her, but his ability to dance over topics rivalled that of Barty.

“I mean, don’t you want to be with Pandora?” he eventually asked.

“I’m in the middle of a chess game with you right now,” she reminded him, confused as to where he was taking the conversation.

“Right, but, Pandora’s your friend.”

She squinted her eyes at him.

“So are you.” It could have been a question with the way she said it.

He shrugged. Why would he shrug?

“Yes,” she continued. “You are my friend.”

“Because of Pandora.”

“Sorry, what?” she asked, hoping he would clarify in a way that brought her to an understanding.

“We’re friends because you are friends with my cousin.” He sat back on his heels as his eyes bore into her.

“I suppose? I know you because of Pandora, but we are friends, aren’t we?”

“Are we?”

She had to listen carefully as he spoke those words. It wasn’t a challenge or a rude disagreement with her own, it was a true question.

“Do you think I’m only friends with you because of Pandora?”

“Aren’t you?”

She had to stop herself from laughing. It was ludicrous.

“Evan, as much as I love Pandora she could never force me to be around somebody I didn’t want to be around. She’s friends with Trelawney; I am not. I am, however, your friend.”

“Oh.” He paused, “Okay.”

“Okay,” she breathed with a small chuckle.

She finally played her move on the board. Her pawn struck down a knight. Before his move she caught him staring. She gave him the best encouraging smile she reserved only for her friends. He smiled back to himself. They played on.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

And Regulus, for the first time it seemed, spoke his mind and opinion.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Letter after letter Regulus had received all within the first three short months of school. Each was delivered by a bird dark as night and with teeth and claws sharp as knives. It was the most prestigious and regal owl Dorcas had ever seen.

With each letter, Regulus’ face soured, then pulled back into noncommittal apathy. It was a mask she had observed him pull on time and time again. She swore she was the only one who noticed. He was observant and caught on to many of the people surrounding him. It was as if he never expected anyone to be observing him as much as he observed them. But Dorcas did. He noticed her noticing. He observed her observing. He didn’t speak about it.

Where Barty was volatile and Evan was deliberate, Regulus was indifferent.

Dorcas almost didn’t believe her eyes the day his unbothered facade smashed apart.

She was in the boys’ room, but only Regulus accompanied her. Evan and Barty were out, most likely terrorising somebody or something that she was going to learn about later.

An owl rapped at the window. She immediately recognised it as the Black family owl. Regulus fetched the letter in a rather stiff manner. After it was freed of its task, it flew off; it wasn’t expecting nor waiting for a response. She had seen it so many times before she hadn’t thought much of it, so she turned her attention back to her text.

The sound of ripping parchment was the first thing to indicate this letter was different. Next came the smell of burning. She shot up off the bed and was faced with Regulus incinerating the letter mere seconds after its delivery.

“Regulus–what are you doing?” she exclaimed.

He dropped the letter as his head snapped up to be level with hers. She ducked down and waved her wand to extinguish the flame before the rug under their feet had time to catch fire. There, from her position on the ground, she noticed the way his hands shook at his sides.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded.

His jaw tensed and untensed as his eyes flashed angrily and then with trampled restraint. He looked to be attempting internal control. When that didn’t work, he scooped up the letter remains and headed straight for the door.

She followed him down into the Common Room. Some students wandered but didn’t cast a glance their way. Regulus headed straight for the fire and threw the letter into the green flames. It sparked and embers jumped out at them. As he watched the flames grow with the added components, he rocked backward and settled himself on the rug with arms draped over his knees. He appeared smaller that way. She kneeled next to him, but knowing better, didn’t say anything or touch him.

“I’m not doing it, Dorcas!” he whispered fiercely.

“Doing what?” she asked in an equally hushed voice.

“Talking to him.”

“Him?”

“My brother. They wanted me to tell him they expected him home over the winter holidays. Why can’t they tell him? I don’t want to go near him.” His eyes shone with the telltale anxiety of when he talked about his brother.

The situation with Sirius had, undoubtedly, gotten worse over the months. Sirius had kept trying to get Regulus’ attention until one day he all of a sudden–stopped. Dorcas knew it was a sore spot for Regulus. He wanted his brother back, but the brother that was around was not the brother he wanted.

“It’ll be alright, Reg,” she reassured him.

“How?”

She hesitated. She did not know her sister well when she went away. She got to have her near maybe a quarter of the year, but never any longer. She knew there were parts her sister didn’t share, and didn’t confide, with Dorcas. It was always a hard punch to her gut for her sister to go, still as much a mystery as she was the time before.

Dorcas sat beside him and explained this in back-and-forth whispers to Regulus. She didn’t know if it helped him or not, but he was calmer nonetheless.

“There are times when he’s more himself,” Regulus mumbles.

“Like?”

“Like when it’s only us.”

“Then maybe you should talk to him.”

“But…”

“But?”

“Potter will be there. He always is.”

“Then I will come with you to talk to your brother and make sure that Potter keeps his distance.”

“You’d do that?”

“What reason would I have not to?”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The first thing all these instances had in common was that they were times when she cared so much and so endearingly for her friends that she knew deep within her she would do anything for them. She would go to any length and any means. It was a bone-deep friendship.

The second thing all these instances had in common was the blonde-haired woman who witnessed each one. Narcissa Black.

The most mystifying part of her new stalker was the incredulous way she never hid the way she watched Dorcas. Narcissa always met her gaze with fierce scrutiny. She hid around corners and lurked in the dark shadows of Hogwarts, but was there and visible nonetheless. Dorcas took any blending in that Narcissa did as a character trait, and not as a way to hide herself.

Beyond her being Regulus’ cousin and a seventh year, Dorcas had no basis for who she was. Regulus did not often speak about his extended family, but there were times he disappeared to be with Narcissa. He said it was ‘out of pure family obligation’ that he did. Barty always laughed when he heard that.

After one first week of Narcissa’s eyes following Dorcas relentlessly, she assumed it would end. Then a month passed, then two, and nearing the third made her increasingly nervous as to Narcissa’s intentions. Surely she had some, as most pure-bloods did.

As that third month of Narcissa’s careful observations drew on, she did the one thing Dorcas had been not-so-happily anticipating. Narcissa cornered her when she was alone.

Dorcas had been in an alcove reading when she heard what she had come to recognise as Narcissa’s telltale heels. Dorcas froze, her chest swelling with a held breath as she attempted to keep quiet. The heels went past and left her alone in the corridor once more. She released the pent-up air and stuffed her book in her bag, ready to make a run for it. She slipped out of the alcove and came face to face with Narcissa.

Her pale, strict features made the shadows stretching across her face turn her into something frightening. Dorcas’ muscles tensed and her first thought was to turn and run. She pulled herself together before that could happen and set a defensive stance.

Narcissa left her no room to speak,

“You are Dorcas Meadowes.”

“That is right.”

They regarded each other warily. Narcissa pulled herself up to full height and stalked around Dorcas.

“I do not know much about you, Meadowes.”

Dorcas kept her mouth shut as she twisted around to meet Narcsissa’s movements.

“A half-blood. You recently befriended my cousin along with Rosier and Crouch. The ousted Lestrange girl you’ve known. You joined the Quidditch team this year; a beater. Oh, yes. You also have a sister teaching at Uagadou.”

The last sentence was the one that gave her pause.

“It actually sounds like you know a great deal,” Dorcas responded curtly.

“Not enough.”

“Why do you have any need to know about me in the first place?”

Narcissa put an end to her circling.

“If you are going to be around my cousin, I need to know who you are.”

“So you’ve been stalking Evan, Barty, and Pandora just as you have been doing so to me?”

“Those three are no strangers. You are.”

“And that bothers you?”

“When you are around my cousin so often, yes.”

Dorcas looked her up and down. Pure-bloods never seemed the type to like their own families. All Dorcas ever saw between them was rivalry and competition, but there Narcissa Black was with hidden care in her eyes. It mirrored how Regulus often looked, and if Dorcas didn’t know him she might have not recognized it in Narcissa.

“What is it you are so desperate to know?”

“I am not desperate. That is an abhorrent thing to insinuate,” Narcissa's voice could cut down trees with how sharply she wielded her words.

Dorcas tilted her chin up and stared her down, refusing to succumb to Narcissa’s scare tactics.

“Do you want to know why I don’t hate you, Meadowes?”

Dorcas raised her eyebrows.

“You aren’t easily dissuaded or pushed around. It’s a good trait to be able to stand your ground.”

“Thank you,” Dorcas answered, though she couldn’t be sure it was meant as a compliment.

“I am fine with your presence near Regulus–”

“I should hope so.”

“But you have many things to learn.”

“Excuse me?”

Narcissa huffed out a breath. Thoroughly annoyed, she said,

“You have no clue the significance of the life he leads.”

The words echo in the corridor around them. It’s been evident to her since the second Regulus stepped on the train there were deeper meanings to the choices he made and the way he acted. He took life around him more seriously than his peers, more seriously than any other first-year she’d ever met. It was different from other pure-bloods as well. There was a thick layer of aristocracy, but it was there to hide the other pressures he put upon himself.

“He is only eleven,” Dorcas mumbled.

“Even so,” Narcissa acquiesced.

“What is it exactly you believe I have to learn?”

Narcissa ignored the question, “I’m sure you have many wishes and goals in your life, isn’t that right? Or expectations from your parents?”

Dorcas nodded, slowly. She didn't want to give much away to Narcissa, but with her bold stare and accusative tongue, it was as if Narcissa already knew everything about her. Both of what Narcissa had said were truths that Dorcas could not simply deny.

“I do as well. But my main goal is to ensure my family is safe.”

“And why are you telling me this?” Dorcas scoffed.

“We can help each other, Dorcas,” Narcissa said the words swiftly and in a business-like tone.

“How so?”

“I am in a place where I can elevate anybody’s status, or provide the necessary means to fulfil whatever goals your heart desires,” Narcissa said enticingly.

“What would I be giving you in return?”

“I need you to vow to protect my cousin.”

Dorcas takes a step back at this. The words are direct and to a point that she did not expect Narcissa to make.

“Why–why me?” she managed to stutter out, though if she was asking the right question she had no idea.

“You are Slytherin, your mother at the least is a pure-blood, and you will be here with him through the majority of his years. You are responsible and intelligent, and I would have no doubts about you fulfilling your half of the deal. You’re the ideal choice.”

“Regulus has other family and closer friends. Why not pick them?”

“Sirius will only disappoint him.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes and snorted,

“You sound so sure about that.”

“Yes, well, he is much like my elder sister.”

“And what, she disappointed you?”

“She was disinherited. She left the family for a muggle-born man.”

Dorcas heard the unsaid words Narcissa never would have gotten close to saying. Her sister left her behind.

“You think Sirius is going to leave Regulus?” she asked in shock.

“I am most sure of it.”

Dorcas pinched her lips thin. The two brothers had talked once, a few days earlier. She had gone with and kept the Potter boy away–as much as she despised doing so–but Regulus was… lighter, after the talk with his brother. He was happier. Dorcas even thought she saw some semblance of that happiness in Sirius as well. But Narcissa’s words tugged in the back of her mind nauseously. Regulus would be crushed if Sirius ever left. The very thought of it was enough to make her ill.

“So… if I vow to protect Regulus, and make sure he stays safe as I can ensure… you’ll vow to help me work to achieve what I want in life?” Dorcas asked, just to make sure she was interpreting it correctly.

“It will be a tad more complicated than that, but in short, yes.”

Dorcas regarded the blonde woman carefully. There was no way she was serious… right? Narcissa Black had not stalked her for over two months just to appear out of the blue and offer her something as outlandish as she was.

“Go on,” Dorcas prompted her.

“I want an actual vow. An Unbreakable Vow.”

“Woah, okay, that might be a bit much,” Dorcas protested.

She didn't know much about such a vow, but she knew enough.

“If you’d let me go on,” Narcissa said sharply, “It will be worded carefully. You will vow to protect Regulus for the rest of your school years in the ways you see fit, and I will vow to raise you into pure-blood society enough to accomplish your life goals. Both include you listening to what I have to teach you before I go.”

“Teach me what?”

“A myriad of topics. Loyalty, pure-blood family lines. You can guess from there.”

Dorcas considered it.

“When would I take this vow?”

“Right now.”

Her eyes widened.

“If you are having second thoughts, that means you are not fit,” Narcissa told her.

Dorcas allowed herself one moment. One moment to collect her thoughts. One moment to consider the best and worst outcomes. One moment to consider the repercussions. One moment to consider it all. When it came down to it, she’d do anything for her friends.

Dorcas held out her hand.

“I’ll take the vow.”

It was a process, especially for the two of them to perform the spell without a third stipulating it for them. But they had agreed on no third party. It meant no one else could be aware of what they were doing.

They also had to agree on the fact that Narcissa wanted to make sure that Dorcas was well prepared in any way, which had them separately agreeing on Narcissa inflicting any knowledge upon Dorcas that she wished within her final months at Hogwarts.

Dorcas may have been crazy. She may have been out of her mind. The fact of the matter was that she could not see a point in time where she would regret doing such a thing or making such a promise. So she agreed to take a vow with a woman she didn't know, and she did it with no reservations.

Narcissa set up the words to the vow quite carefully. It outlined their deal down to the specific details. Dorcas would ensure the safety of one Regulus Black the best way she saw fit and reasonable. Narcissa, in return, would provide Dorcas and her family the status and connections she could ever require for any goal she had. They came to terms with the vow and performed the lengthy spell. Golden threads of magic settled over her fingers and wrist and bound her to Narcissa. It faded away into her hand, but she could still feel it settled there like a weight.

Dorcas and Narcissa had sealed their Unbreakable Vow, and there was no going back.

Chapter Text

Marlene had been increasingly busier and busier as the year wore on, but she always found time through it to be in the Hospital Wing. It was a refreshing space; neat and clean with everything put where it needed to be. There was a certain order to it that appealed to her, with its organised cabinets and smooth white sheets tucked and folded over the corners of the cots. She held pride in the place and all that she contributed to it.

Madam Pomfrey had allowed her a few more responsibilities as the new year had set in. That, and she began to actually teach her. If one student came in with a simple malady, Pomfrey would walk Marlene through what to do and how to handle it. She had told Marlene to be patient, that they’d get to the complex topics later, but Marlene was satiated for now. She was content with what Pomfrey had given her thus far. The feeling would wear off sooner or later, Marlene knew.

Or, she thought it would. Until Madam Pomfrey gave her one more new task to handle. That task had the name of Cereus Greengrass.

The first time the girl walked in, Marlene did a double take. She could’ve been a ghost, Marlene would have sworn it up and down. But she was wearing the Hogwarts robes–Slytherin–and waiting patiently at the front of the room. There was only one ghost in the castle who wore Hogwarts robes, but she was from Ravenclaw. So while her appearance suggested somebody past death, there was no way she was.

Madam Pomfrey was back in her office, and she had told Marlene to greet everyone. Marlene enjoyed it, but an oddly nervous squirm settled in her gut this time.

“Hey!” she said as cheerfully as she could, successfully capturing the girl’s attention. “How can I help you?”

“I’m supposed to be meeting Madam Pomfrey,” her voice was stronger than it looked like it should’ve been.

“Course, let me grab her for you.”

The girl nodded contently. She wasn’t particularly judging Marlene, she didn’t think, but the girl’s face held something close to judgement. Or boredom, maybe.

Marlene rushed to Pomfrey’s office. She leaned into the doorway and knocked on the doorframe to announce her presence. Pomfrey glanced up over pages of parchment spread across her desk.

“There’s someone here to see you,” Marlene told her.

“Ah, yes, I was wondering when she’d be here. Thank you.” Pomfrey stood and made her way past Marlene.

Marlene stayed put where she was when it was obvious the girl and Pomfrey were having their conversation in the front of the room. She wanted to offer some semblance of privacy, even if she was desperately curious at the same time.

Marlene thought that maybe she wasn't as observant a person as she thought she was. After all, her friends had said Lupin was ill and spent some time in the Hospital Wing, but for the life of her, she never remembered seeing him there. Some students came in and wanted more solitude than others, but even those she caught glimpses of. Her only guess was that Madam Pomfrey was purposefully keeping him out of sight–but then what would the reason for that be?

She moved on eventually, from the thought of Lupin and the Slytherin girl. She made her way around the Wing to tidy up the corners that needed it. She kept catching herself tossing glances in the way of the girl and Madam Pomfrey. At one point, they made their way into Pomfrey’s office and shut the door behind them. Marlene forced herself to relax after that. It was just that they didn’t get interesting cases every day. It was mostly bumps and bruises, or scratches caused by petty fights and spells gone wrong. There wasn’t any excitement. If there was, Pomfrey kept it well hidden from Marlene.

She knew how to heal those minor ailments, she could do it perfectly by now. And while she was still grateful to Madam Pomfrey for letting her do that, the dullness was creeping in at the edges, threatening her patience all over again. There was one broken bone the other day, and that was the most thrilling event in three months. She saw the bone sticking out of the kid’s arm and everything. He’d been pale and a smidge away from fainting, and his friend had lost his lunch beside him. But besides that… nothing. It had gotten to the point where she hoped James and his friends would start doing stupid things again that riled them up. It usually ended with at least one of the marauders in need of Pomfrey.

“Miss McKinnon,” Pomfrey called.

She snapped out of her thoughts and paused to look over at the mediwitch. Pomfrey beckoned her over to one of the cots where the girl now sat. Marlene put down her task and joined them where they were. She folded her hands behind her back and practised restraint from staring at the girl.

“Do you think you can handle more than minor injuries?” Pomfrey asked Marlene.

"Yes, I can," Marlene responded with determination.

“Good. Miss McKinnon, this is Cereus Greengrass. Miss Greengrass, this is Marlene McKinnon. She is my personal student here,” Pomfrey said.

Cereus extended a hand. Marlene took it and shook her hand. The girl’s grasp was intensely firm. Far away, Marlene might have said the girl looked weak, but up close was a different story. Yes, she had a ghastly tint to her skin, and eyes dark enough that you could barely see her pupils, but she held herself with dignity nonetheless. Her cheekbones were sharp, her lips full, her posture immaculate. Her hair was thick and dark and swept over her shoulders in pristine waves.

“Nice to meet you,” Marlene smiled.

Cereus didn’t return the gesture, only gave one nod in acceptance. Marlene wondered if she was naturally off-putting or if it was something she strived for.

Pomfrey addressed Marlene, “Miss Greengrass will be coming in daily for diagnostic spells to be run. I trust you to do those, understood?”

Marlene nodded enthusiastically. She had driven Lily and Mary insane with them. She’d had to goad them into letting her use them as her practice people. There were a few types of diagnosing spells that had to do with the information you needed: bones, blood, muscles, and skin. There were more specific as well as more generalised ones. There were spells for overall health, stamina, the heart, the brain, arteries, veins, and so on. She had poured over the books Pomfrey recommended. She was determined to commit as many as she could to memory, to the chagrin of her friends.

They loved that she had something she was so passionate about, but she really had bothered them about it far too much. Lily had insisted she didn’t need to know the state of her bones. Mary had not had a slight interest once Marlene informed her there was nothing she could do about a stubborn pimple.

(“But it has to do with skin!”

“I meant fatal cuts and infections on the skin, Mary, not basic nuisances!”)

“Yes, Madam Pomfrey,” Marlene nodded.

“Show me now.”

Marlene turned to Cereus and with a flash of her wand completed spell after spell of the main four. The spells flashed in coloured lines as they ran over Cerus. White for bones, orange for skin, yellow for muscles, and finally red for blood. As lines drew themselves across Cereus, she sat still and waited in extreme patience, as if she were accustomed to the ritual.

It was all almost normal. But one fact made Marlene pause.

Weirder still, was that Madam Pomfrey glanced at the spells, marked something down on the papers in her hands, and didn’t pause. She didn’t seem to be bothered by anything. Marlene first thought maybe what she was seeing she was interpreting incorrectly. But no… that couldn’t be.

“Alright, you’re good. You may go now, Miss Greengrass.” Pomfrey waved her hand and the spells disappeared.

“But, wait, Madam Pomfrey,” Marlene cut in.

“Yes?” Pomfrey looked up from her notes.

“The… the blood spell. It showed…” Marlene trailed off. “I’m not sure what it showed.”

Cereus spoke up, “I have a blood malediction.”

Marlene shut her mouth. She’d read little on the topic, but what she had read was very clear. A blood malediction was a curse passed down through generations, attacking members of the family sometimes for no apparent reason. There were ways to put it off or drown out the symptoms, but it always ended in an early death. Depending on the severity, most did not make it to see their thirties. It would deteriorate health from the inside of one's body to the out.

“Anything you might have seen or thought to be wrong, it is. But it’s also not, not for me,” Cereus told her.

“Oh,” Marlene mumbled blandly. “Sorry.”

Her apologies would not mean anything of course. What could you do or say to someone who was dying with no way to stop it? She could be polite, but politeness only got her so far. Sympathy could be offered, but what comfort would Marlene be to this girl?

“Don’t say that. There’s no need to,” Cereus said sharply.

Marlene had to give it to her for that. There were plenty of people who turned hopeless and destitute in her condition. But she held her own, in any way that she appeared to be able to. In a handshake or a few spoken words, she had control. Marlene could only wonder if Cereus liked to have that sense of control over her life while her malediction took most of it from her, but she didn’t dare ask the question. That one she knew could be private from personal experience.

After all, half the reason she was there learning from Pomfrey was because of her sister. She couldn't just ask what horrifying events the blood malediction had caused to Cereus that made her want fierce control.

Marlene changed tactics, "Alright then, I'll be here to help whenever you need it. Whether or not you want it, I'll offer it, it's your choice."

Cereus stared with pitch-black eyes into the depths of Marlene's own. It was unnerving. She let her do it anyway.

“This has been enlightening, thank you, Madam Pomfrey,” Cereus said when she finally turned away. “McKinnon, I’m sure we will be getting to know each other.”

“I sure hope so,” Marlene said in return.

Cereus got up from the cot and left the Hospital Wing. Marlene stared after her with wide eyes. She spun back to Madam Pomfrey, more questions on the tip of her tongue that she didn’t even know how to begin to ask. Lucky for her, Pomfrey was the one to start.

“She’s being affected quite young by it,” Pomfrey sighed. “I’m trying to help delay the effects. I’ve been doing research for a while now.”

“Trying?” Marlene echoed.

Pomfrey nodded gravely.

“Her family has seen many healers over the years. None of them have found out what the curse is. We can only try with what we know so far.”

Marlene had to sit down as the words sunk in. Blood maledictions had no cure, and if you didn’t know the particular curse, the effects were often greater. Hearing that that was Cereus’ case made any word she could have tried to speak die in her mouth.

Madam Pomfrey set a hand on Marlene’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. Her eyes glittered with dismay.

“We are to help everyone. Remember that, Marlene. That girl has had to deal with much from a young age. I want you to do her diagnostic spells because I hope you can bring some light to her situation here.”

Marlene nodded quickly and animatedly. It was the entire reason she was there, anyway, to help all those she could.

“I’ll do my very best,” she said heartily.

Pomfrey smiled, still with that hint of melancholy grief. She cared for the students who came in and out of her Hospital Wing; it was evident in everything she did and all the ways she cared for them. She may have been strict at times, but she always did what she felt was right. Marlene hoped that one day she could be half the healer and person Pomfrey was.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Why do you look so down?” Mary asked later that night.

Marlene sighed heavily from her bed. Music played, yet she didn’t register who it was. Lily lay by the record player. She opened her eyes to glance at Marlene when Mary asked.

“There’s a girl–in our year, I think–who came by the Hospital Wing Today.” Marlene toyed with her sheets before continuing, “She has a blood malediction.”

Lily grimaced. Marlene understood the feeling. There were no good words to sum up how shite it was.

“What’s that?” Mary asked.

“It’s a curse on the family. There’s no cure. She’ll die.”

“Oh. I can't even imagine that,” Mary whispered.

Marlene agreed so much it made her chest ache. She murmured,

“It’s terrible, I bet. To know you have no chance at life. That you’ll die before you get to have one.”

Marlene had too much she wanted to do. If she were to die as young as Cereus most definitely would, she would have barely any time for accomplishments or happiness. It would mean leaving the world unfulfilled, and how could she be satisfied with that kind of life?

Chapter Text

“I’m bored.”

“That’s probably because you’ve been reading the same page for an hour.”

“I have not!”

“Uh, yes Marlene. You haven’t moved an inch since you sat down.”

Marlene threw her book down on the floor with a huff. She tilted her head back against the bed to stare up at where Mary lay across it. Mary set the magazine in her hands down and cocked an eyebrow up at her. Marlene had been at the foot of her bed, so Mary had a prime view of the fact Marlene was not even attempting to read.

“You know what we could do that isn’t boring?” Marlene grinned up at her.

“What’s that?” Mary asked as she dropped her head onto her folded hands.

“We could go exploring.”

“Please tell me you are not talking about going into the forest again,” Lily spoke up from the other side of the bed.

Marlene pouted, “Maybe I am.”

“I thought you let that go.”

“I thought you said you’d let us go.”

“Not yet.”

“Why not?”

Lily groaned loudly, “C’mon, Marlene!”

Alice laughed from the other side of the room. Just, threw her head back and laughed at Marlene and Lily’s banter. Mary smiled crudely along with her. Marlene and Lily had times when they could get into it if they so wanted. Marlene wasn’t all too bothered about rules–until it came to quidditch. Lily felt that she needed to follow them or… well Mary wasn’t sure what the or was.

“You know there are other places to explore than the Forbidden Forest, right?” Alice asked them with a pointed look.

“Don’t encourage her,” Lily said indignantly.

“I’m not! I’m just saying there are better places to go.”

Mary shifted to face Alice, her interest piqued. She supposed she lay somewhere in between Marlene and Lily with her stance on rule-breaking. She wouldn’t go out of her way for it, but, well, she was bored.

“Like where?” she asked.

“Hogsmeade,” Alice replied, her eyes twinkling with mischievous light.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Mary’s skin prickled with anticipation as they pressed their backs to the cold stone walls that lined the stairwell. Alice was leading their traipse down to the common room, with Marlene following as close as she possibly could. She was overzealous, Mary thought. They’d get there when they got there, but not without some patience.

Alice waved them on and they all moved a few steps forward. Behind Mary, Lily was nervously biting at the insides of her cheeks and attempting to peer ahead of them as if someone was about to pop out of the wall and scream at them to go back to their dorm.

“Calm down a little,” Mary muttered, her voice barely anything more than a whisper into the darkness surrounding them.

“I’m trying!” Lily hissed back before clamping her mouth shut again.

It had taken a humongous effort to convince Lily to come with them. In the end, all it took was threatening to leave her there and go without her. She’d promptly declared they’d get themselves killed without her and, okay, that was true. So they’d donned their cloaks and crept out of the room and into the night.

Alice beckoned them forward once more and they sprinted across the common room to the portrait. They rushed through and left the Fat Lady grumbling over how they disturbed her sleep.

If she was being honest, she was blindly following Alice. She knew the castle well enough, but not to an extent that could get her out of it and successfully into Hogsmeade. When the gates around Hogwarts were closed there was no way through, over, or around them. But Alice was trustworthy, so Mary was leaving it up to her to successfully navigate them down to Hogsmeade.

She didn’t know much about the place, just that it was a small town where the older years got to go on weekends. Nonetheless, she was excited about it. If it was even a quarter of what Diagon Alley had been then it already deserved all the eagerness she had for it.

Each discovery she made about the wizarding world filled her with trepidation and made her nerves stand on end. Terrifying; exhilarating; surprising; all those were words she could use to describe what her life had transformed into upon finding out she was a witch. Some days it was as if everything was new, others it felt like she’d lived with the knowledge forever.

She looked at her friends as she snuck down the corridor. They were the real reasons she’d not gone crazy with how insane magic seemed. Marlene took it all in stride; Alice always answered her questions; and Lily understood her, as simple and plain as day. How she could have navigated it without them was a mystery.

“Where are we going?” Lily broke the silence.

“Outside, by the quidditch pitch,” Alice answered in a hush.

“What’s over there that’ll get us into Hogsmeade?” Marlene asked as they rounded a corner.

Alice put her finger to her lips, effectively silencing them all. When it was decided that the coast was clear, they continued on, and Alice gave her answer.

“The Prewett twins told Frank about this tunnel by the gates that can get anyone out or in.”

“There’s tunnels under Hogwarts?” Lily hissed.

Alice shrugged in return.

“I only know about the one. It wouldn’t surprise me, though. This castle’s really old.”

Mary let the answer rest as they continued trekking down the corridors. Alice led them in a zig-zag pattern as if they were avoiding certain places of the castle at certain times. There was Filch and his dastardly cat, Mrs. Norris, to watch out for, after all. Alice seemed to have it down pat, exactly where they needed to be and not to be.

When they broke out into the cold night air, it reminded her of only a month ago when they’d gone racing out to the pitch without abandon. They hadn’t been as careful that night, among the quidditch players. The air was more peaceful on this particular night, as opposed to the one before. They hurried their way to the tunnel but there was no running. Their wand lights were dimmer as well as they tried to avoid all suspicion.

Alice motioned for them to move another way until they were offset from the wall around Hogwarts. Not quite by where the gate opened, but not too far, either.

Alice nodded her head at the ground, “The tunnel will be down there.”

Mary squinted, “Down where? I can’t see anything.”

“There’s a spell engraved into the gate. You have to stand in front of it and speak it to get into the tunnel. Who wants to go first?” she grinned up at the three girls before her.

They exchanged tentative glances. It wasn’t going to be Mary, that was for sure. She may have wanted to go to Hogsmeade, but she wasn’t about to plunge first into a tunnel without someone ahead of her.

Lily rolled her eyes, “Oh my god, I’ll do it.”

Marlene let out a little whoop in encouragement as Alice patted her on the back and pointed to a spot on the gate. She gave them a sordid grin back, paired with a sarcastic thumbs up. When she reached the gate, she leaned in forward. With just a bare whisper of the words, Lily fell through the ground and disappeared.

The three of them remaining watched the spot she had previously stood, but there was no sign of the redhead who had been there moments earlier. It was as if she had simply fallen through the earth.

“Is she alright?” Mary asked no one in particular.

“I’ve always been,” Alice shrugged.

Mary let out a harrowing breath and stepped forward where Lily had. She repeated the words on the gate in her head a few times before saying them aloud.

She was swept away. Her gut fell, along with her body, straight into the tunnel beneath the ground. She fell to her back the moment she landed. The breath knocked out of her and she wheezed as she tried to reclaim it.

Lily stood above her, hair like a torch in the dim light of her wand. She stretched out her hand to help Mary up. Before she got the chance, Marlene fell straight on top of her. There the air in her lungs went just as soon as she had gotten it back.

“Marlene,” she groaned from beneath the blonde.

“Sorry, sorry.” Marlene hopped to her feet and just as quickly pulled Mary to hers and away from the landing spot.

As Marlene helped her brush the dirt off her cloak, Alice appeared. She landed stable as ever on her feet. Setting her hands on her hips, Alice said,

“What a rush, huh?”

Mary was distantly aware of Lily saying something in return, but her eyes were stuck on the tunnel around her. It was made out of the oldest-looking stone, with dirt packed in around it. There looked to be no end to it at first glance, but there in the distance was the barest hint of light.

Before she knew it, they were running down the tunnel, chasing down the light at the end of it. It was a rush. Her head spun and she was scared her next step would be misplaced and she would go tumbling down, but she ran on anyway. Half of her stood on the precipice of disbelief at where she was, and the other half had already fallen off the cliff.

There she was, living a life she had never expected. It was one of those days where it was exhilarating. Where she breathed and believed easier.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“Where shall we go first?” Alice asked in an excited whisper once they had gotten out of the tunnel. It had taken them to the base of a tree on the outer limits of Hogsmeade.

“Honeydukes!” Marlene practically shouted. “My brothers have been telling me about it for years.”

So Alice led them there, which upon entering–or she guessed what could have been called breaking into–Honeydukes, she found was a candy shop. From top to bottom, the walls harboured candy like she had never seen before. Colour upon colour and sweet upon sweet. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head with what lay before her. She’d never seen any of it before, except maybe a handful that had passed by her on the trolley on the train.

Marlene was a second away from bolting straight for the shelves–Mary was as close to following–but Lily grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“We can’t just take it. That would be stealing,” Lily pointed out.

“Don’t worry about that, Lily. It’ll be my treat.” Alice held up a bag that jangled with galleons and sickles.

Lily still looked pressed over the topic, so Mary grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the store. The girl trailed after her, caught windswept in Mary’s storm.

“Marlene, come tell us what these are!” Mary called over her shoulder.

Around and around the shop they went with Mary and Lily pointing out what they wanted to know and Marlene gave her most in-depth explanations for it. There were Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, chocolate frogs, Fizzing Whizzbees, pepper imps, cauldron cakes, the list went on until Mary couldn’t even remember half the names Marlene had told her. Throughout their search, they picked out what they wanted and tossed it over to Alice. She stashed it away in her bag for them every time with a flash of a grin.

And then there they were, satisfied and satiated with their haul, running out into the night streets of Hogsmeade. Lamps lit their way down the path and through the cold. Chasing each other amidst the wind ended them up at a place called The Leaky Cauldron.

They sat in the corner, trying to stay a little hidden–they were second-years out in the middle of the night, after all. Alice got them drinks and they sat in that secluded corner just the four of them.

“This was a good idea,” Lily admitted to them.

Mary nudged her teasingly, “I thought you said it was breaking the rules?”

Lily smiled at her as if it were some sort of secret,

“Yeah… but it was fun.”

Marlene slung an arm over Lily’s shoulders.

“Is that so, Evans?”

“Oh, bugger off,” Lily scowled at her playfully.

On the night went, into the early morning hours that drug in the first shreds of light. They spent what was most likely too long out in the streets of Hogsmeade, but none of them had wanted to go back. When they finally declared everything seen, they made their escape back through the passage to get into Hogwarts once again. That was the easy part.

The not-easy part was the one when the second they walked into the castle, Filch’s cat was sitting before them.

The four of them froze. Mary gripped Lily and Marlene’s arms as they stared at the cat and the cat stared back. Mary didn’t move a single muscle, as if that could force Mrs. Norris to see right through her. Of course, it didn’t work.

The cat took off around the corner and they went the opposite at the exact same time. They ran through the corridors, practically sprinting. Getting caught by Filch would be a vile way to end such a perfect escape.

They rounded a corner to hear feet coming from the other side. Ahead of Mary, Marlene waved her hands in a silent scream. Mary motioned quickly at her out of desperation. They ran quicker, somehow, on sheer hope and the high the evening had brought them.

Filch was on their heels the whole way to the Gryffindor Tower. When they finally reached it, it was a struggle to get the lady in the painting to listen and open up. Mary was ever grateful when she finally let them in. Alice was the one to slam the painting shut behind them.

They stood still like that until it was safe to assume they weren’t getting caught.

Mary let out the breath of a lifetime,

“I can’t believe we did that.”

Chapter Text

When Lily woke up, it was to her friends wrenching the curtains that hung around her bed open. Light assaulted her eyes, and she could barely understand why they'd decided to disturb her so early on a weekend. The first sight she was greeted with, other than the sun, was a new record shoved in her face. She went cross-eyed before she could even comprehend who or what it was.

“Mary,” she grumbled and pushed it away from her face.

Mary, already awake and ready for the day in its entirety, had all the energy she needed as she started rambling,

“My mum sent it, it arrived this morning. It’s my favourite album, it has been since it came out. It's The Kinks, their album from 1970.”

Lily sat and the covers fell off her, officially putting to rest the comfort she had been sleeping in. She blinked furiously to clear her vision. The cover of the record became discernible enough to truly look at. She reached out and took it delicately from Mary. Lola versus Powerman and The Moneyground, it read in small letters at the top, by The Kinks, as Mary had told her. It was a mostly white cover, with some darker lines across it and a face adorned in the middle. She recalled Mary talking about them the year before. She had said that they were one of her favourite groups.

Marlene was already setting up the player at the end of Lily's bed before she had even gotten out of it. They obviously had their plans for the day, and Lily would be happy to join them, if not for all else that preoccupied her mind. She had much to do that day; there was a Slug Club meeting in the early afternoon. There had only been a few so far into the year, mostly informational. This one, however, they were allowed to start whatever project or experiment they wanted. It had been a long-anticipated meeting for her.

Severus had walked with her down to the dungeons every meeting beforehand, but he’d landed himself in detention for this particular one. She hadn’t even wanted to know how that had happened, especially as he'd been looking forward to it as much as Lily. The second she heard it was something to do with Potter and Black, she refused to hear anymore. It might have bothered her less, on any other day. But Sev was the only person she knew in Slug Club, and the rest were pure-blood Slytheirns who had no intention of looking her way. She wished he had not gotten into a fight with them and left her on her for something important to both of them.

She would have run herself in circles if not for Mary and Marlene and their music. They brought it to her and entranced her with it, and she gladly let it happen, if only for a moment of peace. It soothed her, to listen.

So for the rest of the day, the lyrics and tunes spun in her head and carried her and her worries away with ease.

Facin’ the world ain’t easy,

When there isn’t anythin’ going,

Standing at the corner waiting,

Watching time go by.

As she made her walk down to the dungeons, it was as if there were eyes following her. There wasn’t a person around who was in her line of sight, but she swore there was someone there. Only when she did make it to Slughorn’s classroom were there students lingering in the corridor. They waited for their professor there, to come and fetch them when the meeting started. But there had been no one on the walk down, or behind her. She told herself she had been imagining it, no one else in the Club was from another House. They were all Slytherins. She was the only one who had to make the lengthy walk to the dungeons, she was sure.

Once Slughorn was there, it was quick work claiming a workstation on her own. She was setting up a potion that she and Sev had wanted to make for a while, but of course, he couldn’t be there to help. It made her angry, but she channelled that into her potion-making. It was a bit of prep to make it that first day, but she gladly did it so that they could work on it together later.

Being on her own for the first time made her more… observant. Usually, she was focused on Severus, but after she had finished all she could do for her potion, she looked up and around the room like she never had before. And, in what could only be described as a revelation, caught eyes with a girl across the room.

The girl had stunning white hair, and most curiously, a Ravenclaw tie. Lily could only stare. How had she never seen her before? How had she never noticed? Just an hour earlier, she could have sworn to everybody that there was nobody from any other House in the Club.

Got to see what it’s like on the world outside,

Got to get out of this life somehow,

Got to be free, we got to be free now.

If she hadn’t before, she was noticing now. The blonde girl as well, for she stared back with a curious glint in her eyes. Lily felt the fool, so she ripped her gaze away first and went back to stirring the contents of her cauldron.

“Is that a shrinking solution?” an airy voice came from beside her.

Lily jolted, and there the girl was, right next to her. She had not heard so much as a footstep or a breath. The girl had merely appeared before her as if transporting from one place to the next.

“Um… yes. It is,” Lily stuttered out, utterly caught off guard.

“Lily, isn’t it?” The girl tilted her head to the side.

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m sorry, I don’t believe I know your name,” Lily said apologetically.

“Pandora,” she smiled as if it didn’t bother her one bit that she’d known Lily’s and Lily hadn’t known hers.

Lily’s eyes darted back to her tie.

“You’re in Ravenclaw?”

“That I am.”

“I thought I was the only one here not in Slytherin.”

“Most mistake me for it. All my friends are, after all.”

That was when it clicked in Lily’s head. The reason she’d always passed over the girl and thought her to be what she was not, was that she knew her to be friends with Meadowes. Marlene had talked about Dorcas Meadowes and her crowd so much but had never referred to them by name or house.

“It’s Pandora Rosier, isn’t it?”

Pandora just grinned over at her, “May I?”

She nodded in regard to the potion. Lily passed the spoon over so she could do with it what she wanted. She supposed it was unusual of her to trust someone else–other than Sev–with her potion, but there was something that inclined her toward Pandora. She had an inviting air to her.

And if I live too long I’m afraid I’ll die,

Strangers on this road we are on,

But we are not two, we are one.

They spent the rest of their time like that, talking potionry back and forth. Pandora commended her for her work, especially for creating it on her own.

“Most of the time my friend Severus helps me. He’s the one who taught me most of what I know.”

“It seems to me you hold your own perfectly fine without him,” Pandora had commented.

The thought had made her pause. Severus was her introduction to magic, to everything, really. She had no way to imagine what it would look like for her if she didn’t have him. Perhaps she would have more of the perspective Mary did. But she didn’t, she had Severus. Severus, who she had known for the better part of her life. Severus, who had never not been by her side.

Of course, all she could think about was the times since Hogwarts had begun for them that that had changed. She had learned quite a bit on her own, or with others. She could not tell if it was her fault or his that they had grown ever so slightly apart.

“Do you have many friends from before Hogwarts?” Lily asked Pandora.

The answer came immediately, “None at all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve got them now.”

“Dorcas Meadowes, right?”

“As well as some others. But yes. I am grateful for all that she has been to me.”

“I understand that. Severus was my best friend for years…” Lily trailed off.

“But you feel it’s different now,” Pandora stated.

Lily laughed self-deprecatingly, “I don’t really know when it happened.”

The blonde smiled gently, “It is all right. To grow.”

She didn’t know she needed to hear such words until they had made their way past somebody’s lips.

Can somebody explain,

Why things go on this way?

I thought they were my friends,

I can’t believe it’s me,

I can’t believe that I’m so green.

At the end of the meeting, they made their way up together to dinner. It was late evening, but they meandered along down the corridor anyway. The conversation flowed easily amongst the two of them, even outside of the potions room.

Halfway up to the Great Hall, they were met by Mary and Marlene.

“There you are!” Mary exclaimed.

Lily grinned,

“Your music has been stuck in my head all day, Mary.”

“You say that like it is a bad thing,” Mary gasped, acting as if she were offended in some way

“Of course not,” Lily shook her head.

Marlene had been staring over curiously at Pandora as she and Mary had joked. Lily jumped in quickly to introduce her. She didn't want Marlene to put two and two together first that Pandora knew Meadowes.

“This is Pandora Rosier,” she spoke up. “She’s also in the Slug Club.”

“Marlene McKinnon.” Marlene stuck out a hand in exchange.

“Mary,” Mary said enthusiastically.

Pandora shook Marlene’s hand courteously. She did so gracefully, even if Marlene was a bit rude on her part. Lily shot her friend a look, trying to convey it to her to be nice. Marlene shot her one back, but at least she got what Lily wanted to say to her.

“It is very nice to meet the both of you. You especially, Marlene,” Pandora’s lips tilted into what could have been a smirk.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Marlene said begrudgingly.

Pandora turned back to Lily.

“Tonight was quite fun, thank you, Lily. I hope to see you again.”

“You will, I promise.”

Off Pandora went, with her white braids swaying behind her. She hummed a tune as she went and had a slight skip in her step as well. She was a curious girl, that was obvious. The way she put her words and the way she stepped lightly were intriguing in the weirdest way possible. Lily had a few friends, and a few acquaintances, but they’d never come to her like Pandora had.

I’ll leave the sun behind me,

And I’ll watch the clouds as they sadly pass me by,

Seven miles below me,

I can see the world and it ain’t so big at all.

“She seems nice,” Mary said.

Lily smiled, “She really is.”

Marlene dutifully changed the topic, “Have you actually had The Kinks’ album stuck in your head for the entire day?”

She almost burst out laughing at the inquiry.

“I understand why it’s a favourite,” she directed at Mary. “You both better keep bringing me music. I don’t know what I’d do without it now.”

She didn’t say it out loud but thought that she didn’t know what she’d do without them either.

We’re not the greatest when when we’re separated,

But when we’re together I think we’re going to make it.

Chapter Text

On the nights not spent in the dorm with Mary and Lily, living it up and revelling in the constant music they now enjoyed; or in the Hospital Wing with Pomfrey and Cereus, learning all that she had been desperate to know for years; or out on the quidditch pitch, making the best of being on the team in preparation for their games; Marlene dedicated her time and her mind to studying.

In the library, there she could be found, bent over books and assignments alike. She was there just as much as the older students revising for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s. She was there just as much as Lily and Remus were if it could be believed. They may have been the true swots, the real high achievers, and Marlene would not place herself amongst them, yet there she sat.

In the library.

Night after night.

This, in itself, was influenced by the person it always was: Meadowes. Each day, Marlene would see her in class, or be forced to sit in the near vicinity of her, and each day it fueled the motivation in her that she thought she never had. Meadowes was her incentive to do better.

Honestly, if Marlene didn’t hate Meadowes’ guts so much, she would entertain the idea of thanking her.

The days passed, and the seasons ebbed into something colder. More students took up time spent in common rooms with fireplaces to keep them warm. The library wasn’t cold per se, Lily and Remus still showed, but there was less foot traffic among the expansive shelves.

It was these days Marlene found herself liking the best. They were the ones when she was either on her own in the library or found herself in one argument or another with Meadowes.

The latter was the most common.

Marlene had been going around the library reshelving all the books she’d been using that night. It wasn’t worth it enough to check them out and go to her dorm, which was why she was there so often. It meant her access to what she needed was unlimited. She liked the idea that nothing was stopping her when in the library. There weren't any barriers working against her and the knowledge around her.

While other students weren’t as bothered by her about the books finding their way back to their shelves, she was. Perhaps it was just an annoyance of hers or a byproduct of living in a family that didn't entirely rely on magic. Her peers would flick their wands and hope the books made it back where they had gone, or expected Madam Pince to do it for them. But Marlene had no such expectations, and besides, she liked walking through the library.

She had just replaced one book when it was plucked off the shelf again right in front of her eyes. There, she came face to face with a smirking Meadowes. The other girl tapped her nails against the book cover.

“I’ve been needing this,” Meadowes said triumphantly.

“Of course you have,” Marlene bit back.

She turned sharply, trying to let what was both of her friends' advice influence her: ignore Meadowes. Don’t take the bait; leave it be. It was challenging. Marlene was more used to letting it happen how it happened, to letting herself dive in after the bait just so she could catch the fish with her bare hands.

But, restraint. She was attempting restraint. She didn’t need to go after Meadowes the way the girl wanted her to–the way she wanted herself to. She could put her books back, nice, neat, and orderly, and then leave the library. If she allowed herself that, she allowed herself the ability to go up to her dorm and rifle through new records. She liked her friends and she hated Meadowes. So there was no reason to engage.

She shoved the next book back into its spot. Meadowes snatched it back off the shelf just as she had with the first. Marlene stopped once more, and once more, Meadowes stood behind her. The other girl tilted her head to the side, eyes sharp and piercing as she waited for Marlene's response.

There was no joke to be seen upon Meadowes’ face this time, only pure seriousness. She must've wanted to toy with Marlene, to get under her skin.

It was working.

Marlene spun and slipped the next book into the open place on the shelf, before sending three more out levitating into their spots. Meadowes darted up and down the aisles of bookcases. She nabbed each text right out of the air and added them to her stack.

“What are you doing?” Marlene shrieked, a little too loudly.

“Quiet!” Madam Pince screeched from the front of the room.

“I’m just getting the books I need,” Dorcas shrugged, but there was a vicious bite to her words.

If there was one thing that would be true for Marlene till the end of time, it was that she didn’t know how not to bite back. She would take the bait every time it was teased in front of her face. Meadowes was not the exception. She was certainly the rule. Whether the outcome was good or bad, and it was never good for those first years.

“You’re just taking the exact books I have been reading all night?”

Meadowes seemed to be steeling herself, with the way she raised her chin and planted her feet.

“Yes. You’re a bit of a book hog.”

“I was studying.”

“Yes, we’ll see about that.”

“I told you, Meadowes. You are no better than I am. Not in exams, not in anything.”

There must have been something that had changed for Meadowes. Maybe it was her fancy pure-blood friends that made her feel holier than thou. Maybe she’d found something in herself in the summer to be confident in. Maybe she just wanted to see how far she could push Marlene. Whatever it was, it fueled Marlene’s rage, and it fueled Meadowes’ indifferent attitude.

“Like I said, we’ll see about that.”

She stalked away, hitting Marlene’s shoulder as she went. The remaining texts she had fell from her hands and hit the floor with a rather loud THUD.

“Quiet over there!” Madam Pince yelled yet again.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“I don’t understand what her problem is!”

“We’ve had this conversation before.”

“The sheer audacity she has!”

“I’m having an extreme sense of deja vu, aren’t you, Mary?”

“I can’t believe how awful and annoying she is determined to be!”

“Yeah, Lils, a little bit.”

“What did I ever do to her?”

“You think she’ll stop soon?”

“I mean who does that?”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

“Are you two listening?” Marlene spun to face them.

Both Mary and Lily nodded fiercely at Marlene. She knew that they had been, and hadn’t at the same time, but she let it pass. She had heard them, too. She knew that the topic was overworked and that she’d spoken out on her anger with Dorcas maybe one too many times. She just couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t feasible. If Meadowes would step back and leave Marlene be, then maybe, just maybe, Marlene could let it go.

She didn’t think Meadowes would though, so she wouldn’t either. She was not going to be the one to give up.

“Yes, Marlene, of course. But, she’s obviously bad news,” Lily said gently.

“Listen to Lily,” Mary prompted. “Meadowes has never been nice when it comes to you.”

Lily jumped in again, “It’s best to leave her be.”

“You’ve said that already,” Marlene groaned.

“Because it’s what’s for the best!”

“Okay, okay.” Marlene put her hands up in surrender, “I will leave her alone if she leaves me alone.”

Mary rolled her eyes and Lily groaned in protest. Marlene supposed she was being too stubborn for their tastes, but it was a fight they weren't going to win. Because what were the chances Meadowes would quit? They were as few as the ones Marlene would.

The two girls only knew how to react when pitted against each other. There would be no changing of this. It was the way it was meant to be. Marlene had not only been convinced of it on her own but was convinced Meadowes knew the exact way she felt.

Hatred was simple and without reason. Marlene didn’t have one anymore. Whatever had transpired between them that had started that seed of anger, the memory was gone. They had fought, in defence against the dark arts. They had rivalled in classes since. But before? Was there a before? She didn’t think she could bring herself to care. For, hatred was simple.

She didn’t need a reason.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Shelving books was therapeutic–as long as there wasn’t somebody to snatch them right back. It was a sign of the end of the day. It showed that she had worked hard and accomplished a feat within the day. It was the moments she let herself shake loose the tension of class after class followed by books and notes or the Hospital Wing.

As the winter was upon them, and the holidays were closer by the day, the library was vacant. Midterm exams would be soon, and so she could relish in what might be her last days with the place to herself.

Meadowes had bothered her on a few more occasions. The most recent one, they'd gotten themselves kicked out of the library. Marlene had tried to explain to Madam Pince that Meadowes was the problem, that she was just trying to put her books back. But it was futile.

Afterward, Meadowes had eased up and backed off. Whatever game she had been playing, she let it go. So Marlene was blessedly on her own again.

Or, she thought it had ended.

She heard the footsteps before she saw anybody, because before there had only been her own to keep her company. But now, there were others most certainly in the library. Quite curiously, the footsteps echoed into Marlene’s part of the library.

She cursed to herself and her last chance at peace and quiet for the night. She begged Merlin or Godric, or whoever, that Meadowes would leave her alone and not set foot down her aisle of bookcases. They weren’t on her side, however, and so she was met face to face with–not Meadowes–but three other Slytherins.

Regulus Black was the last person she would have assumed to encounter. He kept to the side of the other two, but it had been apparent to her since the beginning of the year who he was and how he was. He stuck close with Dorcas, and lately, she had been sticking closer. If Marlene knew anything from Sirius–or James about Sirius–it was steer clear of his little brother. The perfect son, always living up to expectations, a true Slytherin. She didn’t want to figure out if James had been exaggerating or not.

Evan Rosier, who she didn’t think much of. Cousin to Pandora, who Marlene could not figure out. She was sweet with Lily, that much was clear, but then again was friends with Meadowes. Although, Pandora being related to Evan didn’t say much about him in the long term. He was quieter, but not like Regulus was. He wasn’t purposely holding back, he just didn’t seem to have much to say at all.

Barty Crouch Jr., who she knew by his father’s name. She’d seen Crouch Sr. only once and was hoping to avoid his son because of it. She had no appreciation for the ministry worker, and his son had already caused trouble–and in only his first year.

Facing off with three people who no doubt had something against her was not her ideal end to an evening. She would have even preferred it to have been Meadowes herself. So she gritted her teeth and turned back to the books. She might’ve not been inclined to ignore Meadowes, but she had no reason to engage with the three in front of her.

“McKinnon, right?” Barty drawled.

She shifted as she slid a book back, but refused them a response. She did not need to lose composure.

Barty stepped toward her, with Evan close on his heels. Regulus, however, stayed where he was. Marlene narrowed her eyes at them. For the most part, her issues with Meadowes stayed with Meadowes. She’d brought her friends into it–but not to the extent that she was being approached now. She complained to them, they were her friends after all, but understood her enemy was not theirs.

He stopped beside her, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. He was a year younger than her, and only in his first year at Hogwarts. His intimidation act didn’t mean much to her. She'd had actual fights before, so the shorter boy wasn't threatening at all.

“I hear you keep bothering my friend.”

At that, Marlene abandoned her cool. So much for composure.

“She’s the one bothering me!” she exclaimed.

“I don’t believe that,” he responded snarkily.

Marlene rolled her eyes. She could only wonder what kind of lies Meadowes was spouting all over the place. Marlene and Meadowes were in a mutual fight; they both gave what the other was willing to take. It was not one-sided.

She spared a glance down at the last book in her hands and spun on her heel. She was determined to put an end to the damning talk they’d dragged her into. She just had the one text left to put away. Lily’s words rang in her head as she found herself walking away: ‘bad news’.

But then there was a hand gripping her arm and yanking her back.

Her wand was in her hand in an instant and pressed against Barty’s neck in the following moment. He sneered, seemingly on the verge of finding his wand when the younger Black brother decided he wanted to intervene.

“Barty.”

Marlene’s eyes slid over to glare at him where he stood behind the one she had her wand to. Regulus resembled Sirius in almost every way, and yet in none at the same time. He wasn’t as loud, and he didn’t elicit the same response from people that Sirius did. But there was something about him, something more weary than anything else.

“Stop that right now,” Regulus muttered.

Barty stepped away from Marlene, but she kept her wand pointed at him. She wasn’t taking chances just because baby Black felt like reigning in his friends.

When the three boys were what she deemed adequately far away enough, she gestured at them with her wand and spit out,

“You need to stay away from me.”

Regulus must’ve found some courage or leadership or at the very least some guts. He stepped toward her, even when she raised her wand higher, and held his chin high.

“You need to stay away from Dorcas.”

And then they were gone in a flash of black and green robes, disappearing like snakes into bushes. Marlene stood where they had left her, clutching the book tightly in her hands. She was so done with Slytherins.

She headed for the doors of the library. She was more eager to leave than before. Being cornered was not in her evening plans, and she hadn’t enjoyed it, to say the least. It only made her fury at Meadowes grow deeper.

“Sorry, I didn't get the chance to put this one back,” Marlene said as she passed the last book in her hands to Madam Pince.

The librarian cast a glance at the title before throwing it into the air with a flick of her wrist. It flew back into the shelves, searching for its rightful place.

"You enjoy shelving books?" Madam Pince glared down her nose at Marlene.

Marlene hesitated, then nodded carefully, "I do."

Madam Pince assessed her for a moment of bizarre quiet, before turning her back on Marlene and busying herself at the far side of her desk. Marlene shuffled her feet, waiting for something else to be said.

"If you please, you may stay late whenever you desire to assist in shelving what is left out," Madam Pince told her, still facing away.

"I'd like that very much," Marlene nodded.

It would mean extended time to revise, while also allowing her time to simply enjoy herself in the library.

Madam Pince waved her hand and a stack fell into her arms.

"You can start with those."

Chapter Text

There were many stereotypes that surrounded Slytherins. Possibly the biggest was that they were the meanest of all Hogwarts students. They were too self-centred to care about anybody but themselves and their own fortune. They’d prefer to throw everybody else but themselves in the path of trouble because all Slytherins were cowards.

Dorcas thought these could be applied to some Slytherins. Not all, but there was a good portion of her House that fit the description. Maybe it was because they wanted to, or perhaps that's just how it was. She’d figured out so in her first year, though through careful reflection she believed she had jumped to conclusions.

Like she said, not all were like that.

She certainly didn’t think she fit those traits, even if she could be self-serving at times. But that was more ambition than selfishness, at least in her opinion. Emma, of course, didn’t either. But in her first year, she couldn’t think of anybody else in her House who wasn’t the stereotypical Slytherin.

Now, she had found three more. Well, four, if Narcissa Black was to be counted, but Narcissa was a bit of an enigma.

She found it hard to describe how her friendship with Regulus, Evan, and Barty had evolved. With Pandora it had been simple: they’d connected over one thing, and that had been enough. They were simply friends after that. She had no complicated feelings about it that she felt any need to dissect. She and Pandora were friends. That was just it.

Regulus had been almost… reluctant about it. She thought it was preposterous, with him being who he was and having the family he did, but he was embarrassed after the train ride and his first night at Hogwarts. Within a few hours, she had seen him go from being in the midst of genuine anger to pure apathy. He’d oscillated between these two–but only near her. He’d go through phases of nothing, to everything, to shame, and back to nothing. He had levels and barriers she had no way of seeing past.

So, it was complicated to be friends with Regulus. But they were friends.

Evan might have been quiet at first sight but had so much more to say when he felt like it. That first day, when he’d quarrelled with Barty, was more true to his character than his sullen silence. He would tell her anything out of the blue if it suited him. He didn’t hold back, as if he didn’t have any reason to. He was never mean in a Slytherin sense, he was just truthful. She'd never met someone as candid as him.

He surprised her every day. It was confusing, to say the least.

Barty… she had more thoughts than she could contain about him. He liked to provoke quite literally anything in his sight. She couldn’t understand why yet. He saw everything as a challenge to himself and took it like it was the most reasonable path–even when it definitely wasn’t. She knew there had to be more to it than that. He couldn’t be challenging the world around him without purpose. There was no way, however, to figure out that purpose.

She wouldn’t use the word ‘friends’ to describe them at the start. Half the time she couldn’t figure out if she liked him or not.

Regardless of how complicated or not she felt about the three of them, they were now her people. That much was made clear when she’d complained about McKinnon, and the next day Regulus was telling her that Barty had led them to go interrogate her. From his recounting, she didn’t feel they achieved anything but a wand to their heads… but, she was oddly flattered.

She couldn’t say that anybody else had told off her rival for her before.

“Dorcas.” Regulus nudged her out of her thoughts.

“Hm?” she hummed absentmindedly.

“My cousin is calling for you.”

Dorcas snapped back to where she was. For the past hour, they’d been in the common room listening to Barty whinge about what Slughorn had assigned them. She wasn’t in their year, so she’d tuned out of their conversation and had been contemplating all that was complicated for far too long.

When she glanced over, there Narcissa Black was standing, prim and tall on the steps before the dungeon doors. She raised an eyebrow at Dorcas as her lips pulled into a thin scowl. Narcissa nodded her head for Dorcas to come with her, then disappeared into the corridor beyond the common room.

Dorcas gathered her book bag up immediately and jumped to her feet.

“I’m off, then,” she told her friends quickly.

“What could you possibly have to do with my cousin?” Regulus' brows were furrowed in that look of his when he couldn't fathom something.

“I have never seen you with her before,” Pandora commented.

Though it was the Slytherin common room, no one had mentioned a Ravenclaw sitting in the middle of it so far. She’d been there on a few occasions, and for the most part, had been ignored. Dorcas might say it had something to do with the glare the four of them gave anybody who looked like they wanted to question it.

“Yes, well, it’s new. I’ll find you before dinner,” she called out as she rushed away.

“Bye?” Barty yelled after her.

Evan waved her off as she ignored Regulus’ inquiring look. It wasn’t something she wanted to address yet. She hadn’t had the chance to mention it to her friends, and it was not the moment for it.

Narcissa hadn't acknowledged her so publicly before, but Dorcas supposed it didn’t matter. She’d find something to tell her friends. Narcissa would probably give her something to say to them anyway. She wasn’t going to worry herself in circles over it.

Dorcas rushed past the doors of the common room, hoping that Narcissa hadn’t just left her behind. It seemed like something she would do to Dorcas. She came face to face with the older girl almost instantly and had to stop herself short to not run into her. She supposed that meant her expectations of Narcissa were a far cry from what she was, but that was another complicated thought.

Narcissa peered down at her with those icy silver eyes of hers. If Dorcas thought Regulus was hard to decipher and beyond understanding, she had another thing coming for her with Narcissa. She had no clue as to what the looks she gave Dorcas were to mean. They were piercing, and judging, but showed nothing of Narcissa’s self.

Before Dorcas could get any words out to ask what she needed, Narcissa had turned and started to walk away from the dungeons. Her steps were quick as if she never wanted to waste any time going from one place to another.

“Wait!” Dorcas called out as she quicked her own pace to catch up.

Narcissa gave nothing away–of course not–as she continued her walk up through Hogwarts. She seemed to be leading them down an arbitrary corridor. There wasn’t anything notable in the wing of Hogwarts that she led them to.

Then Narcissa stopped, all of a sudden. It was like an idea had struck her, or maybe she had one the whole time. Narcissa turned on her heel and stared at the wall of pictures before her. Dorcas had to take a moment to catch her breath before she looked at what Narcissa was.

Quidditch team photos. From all the years past. They spanned the full length of the wall, with room for more stretching out to the right of her. It was generations of the best and brightest players Hogwarts had to offer. It was a wall of memories and legacies, some that were still ongoing. There the Slytherin team was from the year before, with Emma standing next to her captain. Dorcas extended her hand but stopped right before she touched it.

By the next year, she’d be up there, too.

“What is important to you?”

Dorcas tore her eyes off the pictures, “Hm?”

“Quidditch is, is it not? Your friends too, I suppose.”

Dorcas blinked in confusion when Narcissa continued on without repeating herself.

“They have to be, for you to have taken me up on the Vow.”

“They are important to me. Very important, actually,” Dorcas admitted. “Quidditch as well.”

Narcissa thought this over with no comment. Dorcas was learning that she only spoke when it benefitted her, and only on her own accord. She wondered how much it would take to garner a reaction from her.

“What goals do you have for yourself, Meadowes?”

“I… I don’t know,” Dorcas stammered, even though it was only half true.

Of course, she had her own goals. They were just hard to explain. And who was Narcissa to ask her that? Well, that might have been putting it not so fairly. They had made an Unbreakable Vow that had come with multiple expectations on Narcissa’s half. But what in the world did Dorcas’ life goals have to do with it?

“Everybody has a purpose. I am asking you what you believe yours is.”

For one freaky moment, Dorcas almost thought Narcissa could read her mind. But no, Regulus was the same way. He observed and waited and evaluated and spoke on what he saw because of it. Though they were only cousins, they were alike in many small ways. Dorcas thought such a thing could be attributed to their personalities. Narcissa’s was a sharpened version of Regulus’ soft reclusiveness.

“What if I don’t know mine?”

“Then figure it out. Know what you are dedicated to. It shouldn’t take much more than that,” she practically scoffed when she talked.

Dorcas raised an eyebrow over at Narcissa,

“And you know yours?”

“Since my first year at Hogwarts.”

Being only a year older than that, Dorcas found it hard to believe. Yes, she’d had goals since then, but not a purpose.

“When you were eleven?” Dorcas questioned.

“Exactly.”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Narcissa and her refusal to give anything away was enough to get on her nerves. She was not far from being too deliberate in the way she acted.

“What is it then?”

Narcissa tilted her head. Her long, blonde hair caught in the sun coming in through the windows as it slid over her shoulder. She looked younger in the sunlight, which was so unlike how she composed herself. With her graceful walk and perfectly pulled-together posture, mixed with her proper words and pure-blood attitude, it was easy to forget she was barely an adult. Only a mere few years ago she had stood in the same position as Dorcas, just another young girl trying her best.

“To continue my family’s legacy,” Narcissa responded quietly.

One might have thought that those words were an ecstatic thing for Narcissa, but Dorcas watched the light dim in her eyes as she turned away from the windows and couldn’t help but think there was more to it than that.

“But what does that mean for you?” Dorcas’ eyebrows drew in.

“I am to marry Lucius Malfoy. Then, to produce an heir,” Narcissa said with her chin raised.

“Produce an heir?” she asked incredulously.

Narcissa’s eyes narrowed as she scowled, “Why do you say it like that?”

“It’s… it’s absurd. The way you talk about it, I mean.”

“Its absurdity does not invalidate its truth.”

“Do you even want that?”

“I want children,” her voice softened insurmountably.

“But do you want an heir?”

Narcissa stopped short. Her response died on her tongue and morphed into a small, painful-sounding, exhale of air. Dorcas had never seen her look so undignified and caught off guard.

It put them in a standoff of sorts. Narcissa refused to say another word, and Dorcas didn’t have anything else to say. What words could she give somebody who had resigned themselves to a life they didn’t fully want?

Narcissa’s eyes jumped over Dorcas’ shoulder. In that single moment, she collected herself back up into her perfect curated image. She gave Dorcas a thin-lipped smile and said,

“I have known who I am supposed to be for a long time. Understanding your purpose in life is the first step to making it into what you want. So, Dorcas, I’d advise you to ponder on what that is for you.”

Narcissa brushed past her. Dorcas could do nothing to stop herself from watching Narcissa leave. At the end of the corridor stood Malfoy himself. He was staring curiously over at Dorcas, with eyes she wished she could shrink away from. Luckily for her, he moved on to Narcissa only a second later.

Dorcas didn’t know what she thought of that. If she couldn’t stand him from one glance, how was Narcissa to stand him for the rest of her life?

Narcissa wrapped her arm through Malfoy’s, then spared a look toward Dorcas. She nodded her head at the wall of quidditch memories before disappearing around the corner with her to-be husband.

Dorcas could spot on the wall where the first photo of her on the team would go. Was it what she wanted? All that she worked toward, whether it be quidditch or her studies, was it all that she wanted, deep down?

School had always been her priority. Her parents expected much from her, so she expected it from herself. In just a few words, Narcissa had twisted everything up in Dorcas’ head. She couldn’t remember if it was her or her parents she wanted to excel for. Did they bestow that purpose on her, or was it one she chose?

She did choose quidditch, however. She was sure of it. While her family and friends had cultivated it, it was her own passion. She liked it for herself, wanted it for herself. But it wasn’t a purpose, necessarily. It was something she enjoyed, sure, but it didn’t mean the world to her.

So where did that leave her?

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Dorcas stood on the quidditch pitch with her broom clutched tightly in her hand. Her cloak whipped around her from the force of the biting winter wind. On either side of her were her teammates, who were muttering complaints about the chill. All around them, the pitch was alive with the screaming and cheering of the Hogwarts students.

As Gryffindor approached from the other side of the pitch, Emma cast the team a sharp glare. The complaining stopped and they all stood a little straighter, and a little more menacingly. A unified front, if you will.

Dorcas always had a short moment before the game started where all she felt was devastatingly calm. She had found that that little calm was always enough to fuel her through the game. But today, mere seconds before Hooch let them into the air, she glanced at Narcissa.

She stood at the front of the stand, scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. The wind blew her hair to one side of her, as she stood the silent one out of the whole crowd. Dorcas could feel her stormy eyes piercing into her.

Dorcas tore her eyes away and instead turned them in front of her.

There McKinnon was, with that stupid smirk on her face that she always bore so proudly. It was the one that put a scowl on Dorcas’ own. What did McKinnon have to look so proud of?

“Good luck,” the other girl mouthed to her.

The two teams were in the air, and Dorcas was only a second late kicking off into the sky, but it still made her face burn to know that McKinnon had made her lose focus. She shouldn’t be distracted in the middle of a quidditch game, but there she was with so much swirling in her mind that she had a headache.

Even with the rough start, she managed to find her footing quickly. There was a match to win, after all. She couldn’t let herself be so easily distracted.

She didn't care how the wind stung her cheeks, or that they were tied for most of the game. Her mind was set on the game plan her team discussed beforehand. As a beater, they made it her job to block Gryffindor’s chasers from scoring. She’d sent bludger after bludger either right past them or into the path of the quaffle. Her attempts weren’t for nothing; their plan was working. But as soon as Gryffindor caught on, their beaters were targeting her.

Namely, McKinnon was targeting her.

For every bludger Dorcas hit toward a chaser, McKinnon sent it off the path with the other bludger or flew in just in time to knock it away. Dorcas’ attention was hanging on by a thread. She was ready to start pummeling the bludgers toward McKinnon instead.

But no, no! She needed to focus. The game had been going on too long, and the scores were still tied. But the Slytherin seeker needed to get the snitch still. She urged her teammate to just find it already, but he’d never been top tier. She wished–prayed–for somebody better next year.

Potter had the quaffle now and was racing toward the hoops. One of his teammates was on the other side. Dorcas could spot the set-up from across the pitch. She broke away from McKinnon’s torment and sped toward the other two Gryffindor teammates. She shouted out at the other Slytherin beater, hoping he’d get the message as she flew faster.

In the next moments, she was past Potter and his teammate with a bludger at her side. She turned in a split-second and hit it right as Potter tossed the quaffle. The bludger collided with the other ball, and the two cracked against each other in an ear-splitting sound.

Moments later, the Slytherin seeker had the snitch in his hand, and Slytherin had won the game.

McKinnon wasn’t smirking anymore, Dorcas had noticed. A grin filled her face and laughter spilled out past her teeth. There was a bubbling feeling of ecstasy within her as the thought: yes, this is what I want, pounded in her head.

Down in the crowd beneath her, she found where her friends were sitting, all in the Slytherin stands despite Pandora’s Ravenclaw status. They were cheering and screaming for her so loud she swore she could hear each and every one of their individual voices. The euphoria from winning the game melted into something sweeter: a pure joy that her friends were there and proud of her.

Then, all she could think was that that was her purpose.

Her friends.

Chapter Text

“How does the record player work in Hogwarts?” Lily wondered aloud as the voice of Aretha Franklin filled the dorm.

“Magic,” Marlene said plainly.

Mary rolled her eyes, “We get that part, Marls, obviously. But did you charm it?”

“No?” Marlene’s eyebrows drew together.

Lily sat up. Her hair was a red flame of frizz that haloed her head. She'd been lying down too long as they had played both sides of the 1967 album on repeat. She made her best attempt to brush it down as she asked,

“Then how exactly does it run on magic?”

She watched Marlene stare at the record player with a small crease between her eyebrows and her head cocked to the side. Lily was practically watching the cogs in Marlene's head spin as she tried to think up an answer to the question.

Slowly, Marlene shrugged, “It’s always worked with my intent for it to play.”

Lily could only exchange a look with Mary. There were things Marlene told them sometimes that were not as understandable as she thought they were. Lily, as well as Mary, had not grown up with magic all around them. Sure, Lily had Severus, but he had been different. He told her about magic only in its pure nature. He never spoke a word on wizard and witch life. And sure, Marlene had grown up with muggle influences, but that’s all they were. It had not been her life, but it had been Lily and Mary’s. Things that made perfect sense in Marlene’s head did not in Lily’s. Environmental differences were all it was when it boiled down to it.

But the differences were still there.

“Right, okay,” Mary said with a tinge of sarcasm that Marlene didn’t pick up on.

“You said this record’s your mum’s, Mary?” Lily quickly switched topics.

“It is! One of her favourites, too. She hardly wanted to part with it but then I told her all about how you’re musically challenged and she sent it with her next owl.”

Marlene stifled a snort of laughter as Lily’s jaw dropped open.

“I am not musically challenged,” she exclaimed.

“Lily I hate to remind you, but you couldn’t even name a favourite song before,” Marlene pointed out.

Lily sighed loudly and overdramatically for their endearment, but couldn’t give a rebuttal even if she wanted to. She fed into the ongoing joke as much as they did. She hadn't cared about music before the two of them started up their plan to make her care. She did have a favourite song now, though. You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Dusty Springfield.

“Anyways,” Mary said, all drawn out, “Because it’s my mum’s favourite, I thought you’d like it.”

Lily opened herself up to her listening again. Aretha Franklin’s I Never Loves a Man the Way I Love You record was jazzy and full of a presence that overtook their dorm. It was similar to how Lily felt about Dusty Springfield, though the music itself was different in genres and lyricism. The first track had captured her attention in the blink of an eye, and each song after had only boosted that feeling.

Music, she’d found, spoke to her. In its rhythms and tempos. Through the pianos, guitars, and drums. The lyrics sung slow and fast lulled her into a deep sense of belonging that sat heavy in her chest. With each note she heard, there was some new feeling to find within it. It was distracting but in the best way.

Her family had never been the kind who were prone to music, especially not this music. Her dad played piano, and while enjoyable, it wasn’t fun the way Marlene and Mary’s records were. He mostly played pieces erring on the classical side or any made-up melody that popped into his head. Lily’s mum had always said that she liked whatever her dad played, but wasn’t inclined to listen to anything else. Petunia was… Lily tried not to think about what Petunia was anymore. Different from herself. She’d probably scowl at hearing Lily’s new taste in music.

Lily thought she’d share her family’s musiclessness with her friends, but since the accident with Petunia before term, she’d had a weird, creeping feeling in her chest when talking of her family. When they’d heard about it, they’d told her nothing she could say to them would scare them or put them off. But how could she tell her friends she felt an outcast among her parents and sister?

The reasons for it stacked high on her consciousness. Mary had voiced something close to what Lily felt once, but it was different for Mary. Her family had wholeheartedly accepted the witch thing–whereas Lily's sister couldn’t even make it over that hill. With every other difference that piled on top of that first one, they were mounting too high for her to see past.

That was one of the first reasons she’d come to like music so quickly. It was her personal version of escapism.

She closed her eyes and mumbled,

“Thank you, Mary.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

It was talking to Severus, days later, with Aretha Franklin's rendition of Respect still stuck in her head that she realised he had already come face to face with her family and its differences.

Her rant on their last Slug Club meeting ceased as the thought hit her. She’d been facing the lake, but her eyes snapped over to stare at him for a long moment. Surely she could tell him about the dissimilarities since he'd already seen most of them. Severus, who’d already been looking in her direction, furrowed his eyebrows,

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she breathed out. “Sev, can I ask you something?”

For a brief second, his face was unreadable, before his expression smoothed back into its normal state.

“Always.”

“Do you think I’m too different from my family?”

Not being the question he expected, Severus leaned back against the tree he sat by and tilted his head to stare at passing clouds. Lily watched him bite his lip and worry at it with his teeth for a careful, contemplative moment. She would give anything to know where his head was at, and why he was taking such time to answer her. He never had to think this much for other questions she’d asked before. It made her gut curdle and turn in rotten circles.

“I think…” he wondered aloud, "... that you aren’t going to want to hear my honest opinion.”

“Give it to me anyway.” She nudged his ankle with the toe of her shoe.

He looked her straight into her eyes and exhaled deeply,

“You are different from them, Lily. Maybe not too different–they are still your family–but that’s not a bad thing. I’d say the biggest difference is that they are muggles, and you are a witch. But anything outside of that, it’s not what makes you different from your family, it’s what makes you, you. Does that make sense?”

Lily picked at the pieces of grass next to her leg as she attempted to understand him. She began to slowly nod, but it quickly dissolved into her shaking her head no instead. A tired laugh blew through her as she dropped her head to her knees.

“It’s like this,” Severus started, “You are adamant about sending your sister a letter every week because you are a person who keeps your promises. Your sister differs from that; she promised the same thing but never followed through. You’re patient when I’ve never found her to be. You like baking, but your mum prefers cooking. Your dad is extremely intelligent, but not at all how you are.”

“And I like music they wouldn’t ever care to hear.”

Severus paused, “Sure.”

Lily stopped picking at the grass long enough to look up at Severus. There was always a reason she went to him when she was at her most desperate. What she had with her girls was extremely special to her, but Severus would always be her oldest friend. He knew so much that she would have to eventually tell Marlene and Mary, but for now… it was okay that only he understood.

She smiled over at him, a full-teeth cheeks-hurting blinding grin. If anything, at least she had him to understand.

“Thanks, Sev.”

He offered her a smile back, though his was considerably meeker than her own.

“Anyways! I think maybe I should lay off writing any more letters to Petunia. I think she needs some time to reach out herself,” Lily sighed.

“She hasn’t already?” Severus’ eyebrows drew back together like he was having trouble figuring out whatever thought she'd evoked.

“No, why would she have? If she wasn’t avoiding me before, she is now,” Lily muttered bitterly.

The accident that occurred right before Lily headed back to Hogwarts left the sisters too ostracised for Lily to expect a letter from Petunia.

“I guess I just thought she’d come around.”

Lily’s eyebrows flew up in shock, “You thought my sister who borderline hates me would eventually what–stop hating me?”

“I don’t think she hates you,” Severus argued.

“You can’t be serious right now.”

“Why not? You aren’t the type of person that can easily be hated.”

Lily stared at him, absolutely dumbfounded. On any usual day, he would jump at the chance to speak badly about Petunia, but instead, he was saying all the opposite things.

She’ll come around.

She doesn’t hate you.

What reason would Severus have to believe any of that when Lily didn’t?

Lily put up a hand and shook her head vehemently, “Sorry, I don’t think I’m understanding you correctly. Why now of all times would she decide to play nice and write me a letter? She didn’t even do that before I magically glued her lips together.”

He winced at her brutal honesty.

He shrugged noncommittally, “I thought with some perspective she’d get over herself.”

Lily sat up on her heels. Her head was spinning as she tried to wrap it around the words coming out of his mouth. Not a single one made sense like she was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle that would make all of it fit together.

“What does ‘with some perspective’ mean?”

“I thought if I gave–”

“If you gave her some perspective?” Lily finished the sentence for him, heart racing as she did so.

Severus’ eyes were wide as saucers. He had the look of a kid getting caught in a lie. He put his hands up and out toward her as if he were trying to steady her mentally.

“Look, I just–”

“What? What did you do?” she half-shrieked

“I sent her a letter telling her that she should forgive you! That’s all!”

Lily shot to her feet. Her head was swimming as flashes of what Petunia would've thought when she got that letter raced through her mind.

“That’s all?”

If there was even a sliver of hope that Petunia was thinking of looking in Lily's direction when she got home for the holidays, that hope had shattered. Lily’s relationship with her sister had always had its ups and downs. But they were sisters–what other way would they be? They pushed each other’s buttons and tread on each other’s nerves, but it was fine. It was back and forth.

It was what sisters did.

Their relationship when it included Lily being a witch, however. That was worse. That wasn’t between sisters. It was why Lily wanted her witch life and her sister life separate. Severus had blown past those boundaries with what he did. He’d shredded them to pieces. That little balance Lily kept? It was gone. That was the only way Petunia would see it. She would read that letter and think: Lily’s fault.

Lily’s fault. Lily’s fault. Lily’s fault.

The words bounced around in her own head.

It's her fault. It's her fault. It's her fault.

She turned her eyes, sharp and mean, onto Severus.

No, this was his fault.

“Do you know what you have done?” Her voice came quieter than she’d expected.

He didn’t say a single thing back. She couldn’t help but wonder why he chose to shut up when he did.

“My sister is never going to trust me again,” her voice cracked at the end. “And it’s your fault.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

“You know your friend is over there, yes? You do not have to keep partnering with me,” Pandora pointed out to her.

Lily didn’t spare a glance Severus’ way.

“I know.”

She’d been avoiding him to the best of her ability for the past week. It was easy during the day, being in different Houses. They didn’t have too many classes with each other, and Mary and Marlene already avoided him themselves, so it was extremely effortless to follow their lead.

What was getting harder to deal with was the number of Slug Club meetings that Slughorn insisted every one of them attend. Severus sat on the opposite side of the room, at the farthest potions bench from Lily. Like he had any right to avoid her.

So Lily continually sat with Pandora and hoped the other girl wouldn’t catch on to her souring mood. This was predictably futile since Pandora was no easy person to fool. She wasn’t or anywhere close to being an idiot, so the joke was on Lily for thinking she wouldn’t notice.

“You are not going to say hi, at least?” Pandora asked.

“I’m ignoring him right now.”

Pandora tilted her head to the side, “I know we do not know each other the best, but would you like to talk about it?”

Lily looked over the steaming cauldron and was met with open, honest eyes. She’d told her friends about the situation already, and they’d vehemently agreed with her. They didn’t question it, they believed her right off the bat.

Lily didn’t know if she wanted to hear a different response from Pandora, or what else could have compelled her to rehash the ordeal, but she did so anyway. She went on and on about how just because Severus had known her for years, it didn’t give him any right to intrude on her and her sister’s problems. Pandora nodded along with this part, but got a pensive look when Lily said,

“He overstepped, plain and simple.”

They lapsed into silence as Lily continued to stir their bubbling potion. She couldn’t remember what they were making at that point, but Pandora had given no indication to do anything else, so she kept stirring.

“Do you think that was his intention?”

Lily’s movements stuttered, “I… I don’t know.”

“Did you ask?”

“I didn’t ask him why he sent the letter, just what he sent.”

“Maybe that would be the place to start if that is what you wish to do.”

Lily picked at the hem of her sleeve. She wanted to understand why Severus would do what he did, but even more so she needed him to understand why it was wrong. It shouldn’t have been up to him to make that decision and try to force himself into her problems. Mary and Marlene listened–and oftentimes offered threats and solutions–but would not do anything that would cross a boundary like he did.

“I don’t know if I want that yet.”

“That is okay, too. It is your decision to make. I told you when we met that it is alright to grow. Even if that is away from what you already know or to gain something new. Maybe that is what the both of you need.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Perhaps… but it matters more what you think.”

Lily thought that she didn’t want to lose a friend. She also thought that the one she was trying to hold on to wasn’t trying quite as hard as she was. Or was he? In his own way, did he think sending that letter and intervening in her sisterly relationship was for her benefit? She didn’t want to find out, so yes, Pandora was right. Space and some time was the best route for them.

Lily could do time. She could definitely use the space. Severus would have to as well.

Chapter Text

Before Hogwarts, Mary’s eleven years of life were predictable. She went to a normal school, with normal teachers, and normal peers. She had a normal family and was a part of that normal family. They ate dinner together every night, as they always had, and did normal family activities.

Then she became the odd one out. They did all the ‘normal’ things still, but it was no longer the same, and it never would be again. It had changed indefinitely the minute the word magic had been spoken aloud. They resembled the family they once were for the remainder of a single summer. Then, her siblings went off to the normal school they’d been at for years, and Mary… Mary went to Hogwarts.

It was even easier to say that before Hogwarts, Mary’s Decembers were predictable. More so than her life as a whole, the singular month brought forth all that she knew. At the beginning of the month, they’d start preparing the winter ballet show at her Maman’s studio. It would progressively overtake their household until they were overrun by dance and all that accompanied it.

December of 1972 marked the second one she had not been around for.

The first was different, she was getting used to what it all meant for her, and it hadn’t sunk in yet. But this second December? She knew by then that it was what her life would be. From that first year and onward, until she grew up and grew out into greater things, this was it. She would go home for holidays and catch the back end of the chaos that used to be her normal. She was allowed glimpses of who she was before, but would never get to be again.

She tried, really hard to not let those thoughts wear on her as the holidays drew closer. She loved Hogwarts, after all. She loved seeing the seasons change and the cold set in around them. She loved running back up to Gryffindor Tower after a long day of classes to sit in front of the fireplace with Marlene and Lily. It wasn’t what she used to know, but it made her happy regardless.

The days kept passing them by and left a brutal itch down Mary’s spine that wouldn’t go away, just as the thoughts of going home wouldn’t either.

“McKinnon!” Potter yelled from across the Common Room on one of their last nights at Hogwarts.

From beside Mary, Marlene leaned her head over the cushion of the couch. With her attention finally caught, he called,

“You’re coming to mine to practise over break, right?”

“Do you even have to ask?” Marlene yelled back at him.

On her other side, Lily rolled her eyes. Everything with Marlene those days was quidditch, quidditch, quidditch. There was no end to how much Marlene talked about quidditch, the next upcoming game, or practise, or how the team could improve. Mary indulged her and always listened dutifully. She learned an unnecessary amount of knowledge on the sport because of it, but wouldn’t complain, simply for Marlene’s sake.

Marlene rolled her head onto Mary's shoulder.

“Do you guys have plans for the holidays yet?”

Mary stiffened at the mention of it.

“I am not coming to watch you practise in the snow in Potter’s backyard,” Lily warned.

Marlene threw her head back with a laugh before saying, “Alright, if not that, then what’re you going to do, Lils?”

Lily sighed loudly, “I don’t even want to think about it. Petunia’s mad at me, I’m mad at Sev, so I’ll probably end up avoiding everyone.”

“Well, you’re always welcome at mine if you need an escape. Mary?”

Mary yanked herself out of her head, “Hm?”

“Do you have any plans? We’re out of here in two days, surely there’s something fun you’re headed back to do?”

“Oh, uh,” Mary stumbled over her words, “The winter recital, I guess.”

Marlene sat up a bit straighter and tilted her head to the side as she regarded Mary carefully. She thought Marlene might ask her more, but instead, she focussed an intense stare toward Mary. It was a stare that spoke of being seen straight through. If Mary hadn't known better, she'd believe Marlene could read her thoughts.

Lily nudged Mary with her elbow and asked,

“Are you dancing in it?”

“No, no, probably not,” Mary shook her head.

“Why?” Marlene asked, still as she stared directly into Mary.

Mary attempted a nonchalant shrug. She didn’t want to have to talk about it, and she didn’t want Marlene to be seeing right through her.

“I’ve been here. Busy and all. We’ve had exams going on, you two know this.”

“Right, but you told me you love to dance,” Lily said softly, gently.

Mary would regret telling them that, if not for the fact that she never regretted anything she told them.

“It’s not my year for it, okay?”

Marlene opened her mouth, presumably to argue the topic further, but Lily reached out and settled a hand on her arm. This time, it was Lily’s emerald green eyes that were looking into Mary’s own.

“Let us know if you want us to come anyway, okay?”

“What would be the point?” Mary huffed as she crossed her arms.

“It’s still important to you. So we’ll be there if you want us to be there.”

“We promise,” Marlene blurted out and held her pinky finger toward Mary.

It was not something they had done since the year before, but Mary’s heart warmed at the outstretched promise anyway. She hooked her pinky finger around Marlene’s and whispered,

“I promise, too.”

--❀❀❀❀❀--

The winter recital being called important to Mary was an understatement. She knew it when the words were spoken even though she hadn’t said otherwise. She was not going to so quickly forget something that encapsulated who she was. She might have changed when she discovered what became the most important part of herself–her magic–but that didn't alter who she'd been before. The second she stepped back into her home, she was sucked back into it as if she’d never left.

Her mum had warned her on the way back home about the mess she’d be greeted by, but that nor her memories of years past could have prepared her.

There were boxes of decorations scattered throughout the hallway that led to the kitchen, and when Mary was able to make her way around them, all she found on the other side was more. Her mum always helped sew the costumes, so laid out on the table was her sewing machine as well as a dozen handmade costumes.

Her sister, Heidi, sat in the only empty chair. She was hand-sewing beads onto the costume in her hands with a pile of presumably finished ones on her lap. Once she saw Mary lingering in the doorway, her face lit up and a grin split across her features. She jumped up, costumes be damned and pulled Mary into a hug.

They rocked back and forth together as Mary clung to her older sister. While she had been busy obsessing over how far away from her family she felt, she hadn’t come to terms with how much it boiled down to simply missing them. Standing in the middle of a kitchen overcrowded with boxes of costumes and stage decorations and in the arms of her sister, she had never felt more at home.

For that single soothing second, she thought maybe she had just been homesick. She thought that nothing had changed, and it had all been in her head.

Heidi pulled away with an excited grin,

“So tell me all about school. How have you been? What have you learned?”

“It’s been great, being back at Hogwarts,” Mary left out that some parts hadn’t been so great. “Classes are a little harder this year, Marlene has been studying more than I thought was possible, but… it doesn’t really matter. I missed you guys.”

Heidi’s smile turned gentler as she picked up the fallen costumes from the ground.

“Of course you have; we’ve missed you, too. But c’mon, tell me more, I want to hear all about it.”

“Are you sure? It might be rather boring.”

Heidi waved her hand, “How could it be boring? You’re learning magic!”

Mary wanted to laugh at the sentiment but held it in for Heidi’s sake. It was more complicated to her than the simple phrasing Heidi put it into, but Mary wasn’t going to ruin the fun of it for her sister.

So, despite her reluctance, she launched into a detailed rant about her courses. While her first year had been merely an introduction, her professors hadn’t held back for the second-year workload. She touched on how she felt behind as someone with no background in magic, and how she found herself working twice as hard to play catch up. The longer she talked, the more she had to say, until her words were flowing out lightning fast. It had been bothering her for quite some time, and she should’ve brought it up with Lily first, not Heidi, but it was Heidi who asked and so it was her who Mary told. She couldn’t keep in the overflowing worries about being stuck in between a muggle and a witch, so she couldn’t help herself from mentioning that, too.

In between a lengthy explanation of their most recent Transfiguration work and an overview of an essay she had written for History of Magic, Mary realised she had completely lost Heidi. She was still nodding along from in front of Mary, but her eyebrows were ever slightly furrowed and her eyes took up a glazed-over look of confusion. Mary slowed down until she trailed off completely, and still, Heidi sat in front of her blankly.

Heidi blinked harshly, “Sorry, a muggle is…?”

“Somebody without magic.”

“And you were turning… porcupines into… into what?”

“Pin cushions,” Mary mumbled.

“That’s awesome, Mary, I could never imagine being able to do that,” Heidi chuckled.

You never will be able to do that, Mary thought petulantly. Because I’m the only witch in the family.

“Do you learn anything there similar to what’s taught in regular school?”

Mary shrugged, “I’ve heard arithmancy is kind of like maths.”

“Huh,” Heidi nodded as she went back to work on hand-sewing beads.

As quickly as Mary had stopped feeling so estranged in her own self, it came hurtling back to smack her in the face. Hogwarts didn’t understand her, her home didn’t understand her. So where did that leave her in the grand scheme of things? Not a witch but not a muggle.

Mary would have liked there to have been an answer for her to find, but there wasn’t one. There was nothing she could say, do, or change to make her problem easier to swallow. There was no best way to deal with it or ignore it. She was who she was, and that had never changed. The only actual change was how much she knew about herself. Maybe there was nothing to do about that at this point in her life. Maybe all she could do was accept that it was a fact that she lay in the in-between of all that she knew and didn’t know.

If it was going to get easier, then she was stuck on the side of not knowing how or when.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Moving all the decorations to the studio was a hefty job. They had to make multiple trips back and forth from their house to the studio, and their car could only fit so much at a time. Mary helped as much as they needed her. She may have missed everything that came before coming home, but she wasn’t going to let herself stop her from experiencing what was left of the current December.

Her maman had planned out something more classical–albeit simplified for the younger girls. It was a take on Swan Lake, which they had done before, but it had been many years since. Mary could hardly remember that performance, though she was told she was in it all the same.

Amidst carrying all the boxes in and up to where they always set up a makeshift stage, Mary was bombarded by the class of younger girls. They shouted her name and all at once tried to excitedly show her what they’d learned since summer had ended. She watched as they stumbled through their routine, too much energy flowing through all of them to be careful with their steps.

A smile settled on Mary’s face and stayed put there for the rest of the day. As they went about setting up the decorations and transforming one of their smaller rooms into a dressing room, Mary fell back into that sweet enjoyment she’d had over the summer. It was easier to breathe in the studio than in her house. Very few there knew her as Mary the witch. She was just Mary. Or, to the younger girls, Miss Mary. It soothed her, to be able to concretely know who she was within the walls of the studio.

Once the decorations were in place, lighting up the room in bright silver and white colours, Mary hung around the studio to watch her maman teach. They were practising pirouettes, again and again, around and around. Mary could hardly tear her eyes away from the spinning girls. How long had it been since she had done a pirouette? Could she still?

“If you want, you can join them,” her maman said from beside her.

Mary tore her eyes off the dancers.

“I don’t know if I could.”

“Why not?”

“It’s all… different now.”

“I recall you saying something similar this past summer,” her maman said knowingly.

Mary’s lips twisted out of the complacent smile and into a stubborn frown. She crossed her arms over her chest and slouched back against the wall. She didn’t want to make it difficult for her family, but they wouldn’t understand no matter how hard she tried to explain.

“Then I went back to school,” she muttered.

“And something changed there?”

“No.”

Her maman hummed quietly with a shake of her head. Mary dropped her gaze to her feet so she wouldn’t have to keep looking at her maman.

“You’ve seemed a little down since you got back. Has it not been going well or–”

“School is fine, Maman.”

“Okay,” she said complacently. “Does that mean if I said we still have a spot for you in our performance you’d agree to it?”

Mary’s eyes snapped up to hers. She was raising an eyebrow down at Mary. She bore that knowing look that told Mary she knew exactly what she had just offered up. Mary had always jumped at the chance to perform, even when she had been much younger and was still learning the basics. Her maman might as well have been dangling a golden opportunity in front of her face. Mary didn’t want herself to want to take the bait, but oh, did she want it.

“What spot?” she asked hesitantly.

“Your brothers are going to do a little opening number before the show starts. I thought you would want to dance with them.”

Mary wrinkled her nose, “But they don’t know the first thing about ballet.”

A twinkle filled her maman’s eyes as she threw her head back and laughed at Mary’s words.

“That’s why I wanted you to help them and perform with them,” each word was spoken with a lilt of a laugh.

Mary pretended to be thinking the proposition over. She pursed her lips and tapped her chin thoroughly, before turning and grinning.

“Of course, I’ll help.”

She was pulled into a side hug the moment the words were out of her mouth. Her maman kissed the top of her head and mumbled just for her to hear,

“That’s my girl.”

That was all it took. A couple of words, and one offer enough to make her happy. She was all too aware that this performance would not cure her misunderstanding of who she was nowadays, but it could be an opportunity to help her know. The only way she could move was forward, and all she could do was keep learning. If this helped and brought her genuine joy at the same time, she was never going to have turned it down.

The studio was still her place, and dancing was still a passion of hers, even through change. So she would perform, and she’d do it happily.

The first thing Mary did upon getting home was call Lily and Marlene. She had promised, after all.

Directly following the call, where her friends had vehemently assured her they’d be there, she rounded her brothers up. There was no way she was going on that stage unprepared.

They spent the rest of the evening dancing from room to room. It got out of hand in a way she hadn’t meant, but it ended with her brothers jumping all over the place and badly miming pirouettes. It ended with her clutching her sides from laughing so hard. It ended with their mums spinning around with them and laughing just as much as she was. Heidi joined in at some point, as well as her other sister, Maeve, so then it was the three of them twirling in circles together.

Mary was a lot of things. She was a witch, but also not, and not a muggle, but not not one. She was a friend, and a sister, and daughter, and everything between what all those words meant. She was never one thing or one trait at a time. She was a culmination of all she had learned and all she would, and that was enough, for now.

--❀❀❀❀❀--

Mary peaked out from behind the curtains of the stage. She squinted her eyes and peered around the crowd for two familiar faces. There, in the front row, she finally caught sight of them. Marlene was looking everywhere around her in awe, pointing out all the paper snowflakes and other bright decorations around them. Lily was smiling over at her and nodding at whatever she was going on about.

“Mary!” her brother, Cyrus, whisper-yelled over to her. “We’re going on in two minutes!”

She pulled away from the curtain. All three of her brothers stood behind her in the costumes they had helped stitch together themselves. She reached out and ruffled Elliot and Theo’s hair, both of who slapped her hand away.

“I know, I know,” she reassured Cyrus and waved him onto the spot their maman had indicated for them to start from.

They took their places quickly and waited there for the curtain to part. The other dancers rushed around backstage and were shooed into their own places by Mary’s Mum and Maman. Time seemed to slow as everyone slipped away until it was only her and her three brothers on the stage.

The curtain lifted, and the first faces she caught were of her friends. She purposefully looked toward them in reassurance. Marlene gave her the biggest and most blinding smile known to man, and Lily gave her a small thumbs up. This was something else she knew: they’d always be there for her.

The music started, soft and slow, and she danced like it was all she was and like it was all she had to be.

Chapter Text

Lily needed an escape. She needed a place to go, a place to hide. She needed to find somewhere away from her house and her family. Her town was too small for such a place and so she was left floundering. She was bared open for too many to see and that made her vulnerable.

There was no bed to hide under in her room, for her sister would surely already be there. There was no house to run to across the street, for her best friend’s words still haunted her. She didn’t want to bother Marlene or Mary more than she already had, no matter how much they had assured her she was not bothering them at all.

Her parents were completely unaware of the war waging between Lily and Petunia. That meant the two sisters had to sit through civil dinners when there was no way left for them to be civil. Petunia was ready to bite Lily’s head off at any given moment. Lily was ready to beg her sister to forget about Severus, forget about magic, forget everything, and allow them to be true sisters again.

But Petunia was too stubborn to make a fuss in front of their parents, and Lily harboured too much pride to plead.

All that meant was that Lily was stuck with a desperation to run to a faraway place where no one would find her. It wasn’t typical of her to want to run. She faced problems head-on. She went after challenges and oftentimes sought them out, but it was different when it came to her sister, as well as when it came to Severus.

The closest place that wasn’t running away, or hiding, but also wasn’t confronting her problems, was the old willow tree on the outskirts of the town. She sat beneath it and either poured over textbooks and schoolwork or closed her eyes and pretended the wind could whisk her away.

Severus found her eventually. He always did.

“Lily?” he asked tentatively as he crested the hill that led to the roots of the tree.

“Not now,” she mumbled under her breath.

He paused in front of her. His shadow fell across her face and turned the already minimal sun into darkness. She had revelled in there being sunlight for these few days, she didn’t need him blocking it away from her.

“Please?” he tried again.

Her eyes snapped open and she pushed herself up from the ground. She had her Gryffindor scarf wrapped around her neck for added warmth, along with a thick coat. Severus had only a light jacket on that he shivered beneath. Her heart lurched at the sight and she had that tell-tale old feeling beneath the surface of her skin that urged her to reach out and help him.

But they were not who she needed to fix or be focused on. Not yet, anyway.

“No, Severus, I need you to stay away. For a couple of days–weeks. I don’t care. My sister won’t talk to me. She won’t even look at me, and while some of that was my fault, it was also yours,” her voice was harsh.

“I’m sorry–”

“I don’t want your apology right now. I want you to understand how I feel about this and I don’t think you do.”

“You’re mad, I get that,” he said irritatedly.

“No, Severus, it is so much more than that. I can’t even begin to–” her voice cracked and she had to stop and take a deep breath. “Pandora said I should ask you why you sent Petunia a letter on my behalf. So… so why would you do that?”

Severus dropped his gaze to the ground and dug his heel into the frozen dirt.

“I thought I could help you.”

“By saying what?”

“I… I don’t remember exactly.”

“I need you to remember. I need to understand you and you need to understand me, and I don’t get why that isn’t happening. We’ve always been able to do that just fine. I don’t know what changed.”

“I don’t know what changed, either.”

He looked up at her, eyes dark and pensive. Her chest seized and ached to the point where she had to take a full step back to steady herself. She expected him to say more, to say anything to answer all the questions she had.

Why would he think it was a good idea to get between the sisters, especially when Petunia had never liked him before? Were his intentions good, or did he not consider the consequences? Did thought go into the words he’d written to Petunia? How angry had Petunia been when she opened and read the letter?

The thought struck Lily that she was talking to the wrong person. She needed to find her sister. She needed her sister, plain and simple.

“I can’t do this right now, Severus,” she told him.

“You’ve already said that,” he muttered.

“I mean it. I need to go talk to Petunia. I need to go.” She pulled away to turn and walk the path back to her house.

Severus seized her elbow,

“Wait!”

She froze at the look on his face. All she could see was pure panic and absolute fright painted across his features.

Somehow, that told her all she needed to know.

She ripped her arm away from him and took off down the path, running faster than she should have on the icy ground. Her shoes slipped over it, no grip to be found, but even as she swayed and stumbled she kept herself moving forward. When she’d left early in the morning, her sister had come back from a friend's house. It was a silent trade-off of theirs, one mostly orchestrated on Lily’s behalf.

But she was done running away from this problem. She shouldn’t have run in the first place, but the past was past, and she was ready to face it. She was ready to face her sister and hear whatever it was Petunia had to say to her, good or bad.

She scrambled up the porch steps and straight into the door. The handle was cold and icy underneath her palm but she yanked on it anyway. The door flew open and banged against its hinges.

By the time the door clicked shut behind her, she was standing in the front entryway bent over, with her hands on her knees, and sucking in all the air she could get. She’d been left breathless by the cold air outside and her desperate run back home. She needed her anguish to be worth something; she needed her sister in front of her, listening and paying attention to her.

With all the luck the universe had for her, Petunia appeared at the top of the steps as soon as Lily recovered her breath. Lily froze entirely as Petunia narrowed her eyes. They both stood in wait for the other. Neither girl wanted to make the first move.

Lily broke first. She always would.

“Tuni, please, can we talk?”

Petunia crossed her arms over her chest and sneered, “I don’t have anything to say.”

“Oh, we both know that’s not true,” Lily snapped.

Petunia advanced down the steps, slow and cat-like.

“What do you want me to say, Lily? You are a stain on everything good about this family. You ruin everything. I can’t bring my friends here, because god knows what you’ll do!”

“What I’ll do?”

Yes! You and all your crazy friends,” Petunia shrieked.

“My friends are not crazy,” Lily was on the verge of screaming. “And if you’re talking about Severus–”

Petunia was up in her face in an instant, hovering over her, with her cheeks blood-red and hands clenched into fists in the fabric of her dress. Lily was forced to look up at her. It was a stark reminder of how different they’d become. Lily couldn’t even pinpoint when Petunia had gotten taller than her. Had she had a sudden growth spurt? Had it happened steadily over the past months that Lily hadn’t been around to witness? It was such a small, inconsequential detail that hardly mattered. But to Lily, it might as well have been a knife to the heart.

“Of course, I am talking about that… that… him! He had no right to write me a letter so foul and demanding.”

Lily wanted more than ever to get her hands on Severus’ letter, but Petunia had most likely ripped it to shreds the second she set her sights on it.

Lily rolled her eyes, “I know that Petunia but please–”

Petunia interrupted her yet again,

“I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.”

“But you aren’t! You’re just arguing and not letting me speak. Maybe if you would, you’d understand,” Lily pleaded.

“You know what I understand, Lily?” Petunia paused, but Lily dared not say another word. She wasn’t going to ruin it if Petunia was going to start speaking words with substance instead of their mind-numbing circles of clashing opinions and viewpoints.