Chapter Text
It was a burden of a question on her mind at all times: what more could she be doing? The answer was a lot, and yet nothing at all. It was such a contradiction but so true at the same time that it made Marlene’s skin itch. See, the thing about Marlene was that she had always had the type of mind to easily latch on to new interests. Quidditch was one of the first. That one she’d grabbed ahold of as a young kid, and had never quite let go. She’d loosened her grip on it every once in a while before it went straight back to the only thing she ever thought about. The only thing that rivaled her addiction to quidditch was her want to become a healer. No matter what, that singular want always persisted. But apart from those two things, most of her other interests were fleeting and only lasted as long as she had reason to continue with them.
Now, her newest fixation was that of the blood curse plaguing Cereus Greengrass.
It had been at the back of her mind since the day they met. It was just one of those things. She could never not think about it. It was like a ticking in the corner of her mind, constantly there, constantly reminding her to think about it. She didn’t know what had made her latch onto it in the way she did. It reminded her of how she had felt after dueling Meadowes. Or the way she’d been curious after the first time she saw Remus in the Hospital Wing—but that was an interest she was dedicated to ignoring. He’d asked her to leave it be, and she had, and she would. Cereus, unlike Remus, had started offering up answers ever since Marlene had asked a week or so prior.
That was very, very bad for her. It was fuel to the fire, reminiscent of when her father had gifted her her first broom. She just couldn’t put it down. And so, that was when she started wondering if there was anything for her to do. Obviously, she wasn’t crazy enough to think she could cure Cereus. If Madam Pomfrey couldn’t, then Marlene—who was shy of thirteen by a few months—had no chance. But she’d been doing some reading, and there were far more treatments out there to help ease the curse than she’d thought.
The first thing Marlene had asked was what Cereus used to alleviate the effects of the curse. Cereus had then explained to Marlene the complex potions Pomfrey was making for her. The potions contained a variation of standard healing ingredients, but not much more. Pomfrey was trying to get her hands on some different plants that were more tailored to Cereus’ specific curse. But they were a hard find. Blood maledictions were quite particular, and each case had very specific parameters on what helped ease the side effects. No one curse was like another, which was part of what made them so deadly. First, you had to figure out what caused the curse, especially if it hadn't surfaced for generations. Only then could you begin to find a treatment, and even those were limited. Unless you were able to find the person who cast the curse and what the exact curse itself was, death was inevitable.
It’s why Marlene and Cereus hadn’t talked about her malediction at first. They both knew what the end result was going to be unless a miracle occurred and the curse was discovered. Marlene had overheard Pomfrey say that the Greengrass family was making an effort to do so, but had only come up empty so far. So she knew the horrid truth about Cereus, and Cereus knew it herself, so they chose different topics.
Until, of course, Marlene’s curiosity and interest got the best of her.
She hadn’t expected Cereus to answer, but she had, and then she had kept answering every question since the first.
“When did the curse start?”
“I was eight when I first showed signs of it.”
“Who was treating you before Madam Pomfrey?”
“A specialized healer at St. Mungos, but my father decided we needed someone new.”
“Is Pomfrey any better than that healer was?”
“She’s not any worse. And she seems to know what to do with rare conditions like mine.”
And so on. The questions flowed out of her and the more she asked, the more knowledge built up in her head. She took every little piece of information and held it close, then grew it by pouring over books she had to scour the library for. She started to understand how frustrating it was to be so far from the tangible answer that she craved. She wanted to help Cereus, more than just by playing chess with her when she was confined to a small cot in the Hospital Wing.
She had been around Cereus for enough months by now that she recognised the signs of when the curse affected her more. Even with her already pale features, there were days when she looked downright sickly. When she would shuffle into the hospital wing and could do nothing more than wait for it to pass. While at most they could only be considered friends when inside the Hospital Wing, it still pained Marlene to see her that way.
Madam Pomfrey had told Marlene once that empathy as a healer could be one of her greatest tools. She had said that dedication to the work paired with her want and willingness to help people were going to make her a wonderful healer someday. However, for the time being, it felt more like a trap that Marlene was stuck in. That compassion she held consumed her until all she could think about was what she wasn’t doing and what she could be doing.
It was how she had come to have stacks of books about blood curses piled around her bed. It was how her textbooks fell to the wayside, tucked hidden away in her bag where she often forgot about them. She always felt guilty when she remembered the coursework she should have been doing, up until the day she came across a passage that got her closer to an answer than she had been before.
The funny part was how mundane the day had started, and how it had slowly inched away from that as the day went on.
“Do you want to come to the library with us?” Mary asked Marlene as she swept her papers into her bag.
“Maybe later,” Marlene replied dismissively.
Mary and Lily exchanged a brief look, and Marlene could tell that they were eyeing up the texts currently surrounding her on her bed.
“Don’t you think you should be starting your Charms essay, Marls?” Lily tentatively asked with a raise of her eyebrows.
Marlene waved her off, “It’s an easy enough topic. I’ll get it done, don’t worry.”
“Right… well feel free to join us if you like. We’ll probably be there most of the day,” Lily said.
“Binns’ assigned reading, too, remember?” Mary reminded them.
Marlene had not remembered. But like the Charms essay, she’d finish it in due time. Right after she finished this chapter on theories and propositions of remedies for blood maledictions.
“I’ll see you later then?” Marlene didn’t look up from the words on the page.
The two girls stayed quiet for a moment before mumbling their goodbyes and leaving the room. The silence beckoned Marlene to keep on with her research. One chapter turned into two, into three. The sun crested the sky further and further as she read on. She would stop on that third chapter, though, when she came across a particular passage that caught her eye.
It is said to be thought that blood curses may only have one real cure. While theorized, it has never been put to the test due to the nature of the concept itself. The theory is this: that removing all of one’s cursed blood and replacing it with blood that is clean could eliminate the curse itself.
It was a disturbing theory, but the wording about clean blood made something click in the back of Marlene’s head. It led her back to a book she’d pulled out of Pomfrey’s personal library ages ago. It had a recipe for a potion that had seemed to serve no purpose when she’d first read it. Of course, she hadn’t met Cereus yet when she’d first picked up the book. It appeared to be a cleansing potion of sorts, though she could never figure out just what it would be used for. The ingredients had been peculiar, and put together she couldn’t understand the way it would heal somebody. She read it over again now, with a new mindset. Now, she saw it for what it was. It appeared to Marlene that it could be used for long-standing illnesses, though that didn't necessarily mean it could be used for one such as a blood curse. Most of the ingredients corresponded to ones Pomfrey was already using, but with one specific plant she had never heard of before. As she read further on, she found the purpose of the plant was to ‘anew the body’ or something of the like.
It sounded promising enough.
Perhaps the potion could, even just temporarily, cleanse Cereus’ symptoms and improve her condition on the days it worsened. It wouldn’t be a permanent fix—not that Marlene expected it to be anyway—but it may have worked as an alternative treatment.
The more she looked into it, the more feasible it seemed. She started pouring over her texts on plants and herbs, sure that she could find what she needed. Lo and behold, it was in another one of Pomfrey’s books that she discovered her next answer. Even better for it, one of the known places it grew in was in the Forbidden Forest. She considered herself extremely lucky to have stumbled over this information. All kinds of plants needed for potions grew in the Forbidden Forest, but most were collected elsewhere simply because it was easier. For her, however, having that forest right next to the school was suddenly the best coincidence of her life.
It so happened that as she was having this revelation, Alice came up to the room to grab her quidditch gear.
“Some of us are playing a scrimmage match, if you want to join. Most of the team is down there,” Alice offered.
“Maybe another time.” For now, her interest in quidditch was taking a back burner. “Can I ask you something really quick?”
“Yeah, go for it,” Alice nodded as she searched for her gloves.
“The Forbidden Forest, “ Marlene started.
“We’re on that again, now are we?” Alice teased.
Marlene laughed, “For a different reason, but yes.”
“Alright, let me hear it.”
“I’ve heard that Professor Slughorn and Sprout sometimes get plants from out there. For potions or projects, or whatever. Is that true?”
“Yeah, I think they do. I'm pretty sure Sprout has a garden growing out there. Why?”
“Oh, I guess I was just wondering if it would be crazy for me to gather some of my own potion ingredients.”
“Out in the Forbidden Forest?”
“Yes.”
“Why would you want to? Couldn’t you just ask Slughorn or Sprout for whatever you need?”
“I’m almost certain they don't have what I need.”
Alice did a double take at this information, looking a little more than concerned.
“What exactly are you looking for?”
Marlene shrugged the question off.
“Any professor would say that it is crazy to go into the Forbidden Forest. And certain parts of it, I'd agree, but others are okay. To look for a specific plant, though? That could be pretty dangerous.”
“What if I knew exactly where it was?”
Alice chewed on her bottom lip, deep in thought.
“That wouldn’t be as bad, I suppose,” she told Marlene. “Should I be trying to convince you not to do this? That’d be more responsible of me, wouldn’t it?”
“Probably,” Marlene agreed with a grin.
Alice sighed, “If you decide to go into the forest you have to promise to take Mary and Lily, alright? It’d be hypocritical of me to tell you not to go—a lot of us have gone at least once ourselves, and I’m no exception. But don’t go by yourself.”
“Sure,” Marlene said lazily, even knowing she might end up going against Alice’s advice.
Alice gathered up the rest of her things, but before she left, she hastily said,
“Be careful.”
“I will! I promise!” Marlene called out after her.
--❀❀❀❀❀--
Marlene headed out to the Forbidden Forest, walking by the shore of the lake to get there. She had the book in hand that directed her to where she could find the plant, along with a description and illustration of it. Her heart pounded in her chest with anticipation as she neared close. She walked alone, against the promise she had loosely made to Alice. She was sure she could figure this out on her own. It would be a quick in and out anyway if she had to guess.
She took quick notice of the four marauders hanging off a tree closer to the bank of the lake. Well, James and Black were the ones hanging out of the branches. Peter was skipping rocks and Remus was more sensibly sitting against the trunk of the tree with a book propped against his legs. For the most part, they didn’t seem to notice her at all, too absorbed in each other and themselves.
She slipped by them silently and continued on her way.
She had just reached the treeline when a twig cracked behind her, the one indicator she was no longer alone.
“Marlene? Where are you going?”
Marlene practically jumped out of her skin in fright at the sudden voice behind her. She spun on her heel, and there Remus was, having appeared as quiet as could be. He had a tired look to him and was leaning heavily to one side. He’d been in the Hospital Wing a few days prior. It had been overnight, and she was starting to realise that was his usual. What was also becoming more usual was the clamor and noise that followed the other three boys in when Pomfrey let them visit. She kicked them out rather quickly though, as they always made an expected racket.
“Merlin,” she breathed. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“Sorry. What are you doing?” he asked once more.
“Oh, just… taking a walk.”
He glanced behind her.
“Toward the Forbidden Forest?”
“No. Why would I want to go into the forest?” she huffed out a laugh and crossed her arms over her chest, looking away from him.
“You tell me.”
Silence filled the space between them, and her avoidance wasn’t making her lie seem any more feasible. She shuffled on her feet and tucked the book under her arm with a loud sigh.
“Okay, fine. Yes, I was going to go into the Forest, but I swear it was only going to be for a few minutes!” Marlene exclaimed.
“Do you have any idea what’s out there?” Remus asked.
“Do you?”
“I think I have a bit of a better idea, yeah.”
She scoffed at that, “You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about exploring the Forest, everyone has.”
“Maybe, maybe not, but I wouldn’t do it by myself.”
“Everyone keeps saying that,” Marlene muttered under her breath.
“Why wouldn’t you ask Lily and Macdonald to go with you?”
“Lily already said no last year.”
“Can you blame her?”
Marlene pressed her lips together and glared over at him. For a long moment, they both stood staring at one another, her with annoyance and him with his eyebrows raised. She turned away and looked out into the depths of the Forest. It was only a few steps away, so close. She may have jumped at the decision to go into the Forbidden Forest too quickly, now that she thought about it. That was also common for her to do when she became too interested in something when she was attached to it and wouldn’t let it go.
It was like the first time she attempted a dive on her broom after she’d seen her father do it. She’d smashed straight into the lawn and broken her nose. She could still remember the blood streaming down her chin and the way her eyes watered after the painful crack had resonated through her skull.
It was like dueling Meadowes in the middle of class that first time, getting herself and the other girl injured.
She could be reckless, she knew that. She could make split second decisions that were stupid and dangerous, and not realise it until somebody else pointed it out for what it was.
“You should have waited for Dad to teach you the dive, Marley.” Finn had scolded her when he’d picked her up off the grass.
“Maybe you should wait? Ask Lily and Macdonald again. Or find something else to do,” Remus suggested.
And there it was, there was her voice of reason this time around. Remus freaking Lupin.
“I don’t have to listen to you, you know,” she said petulantly.
He laughed at that, “I’ll just follow you if you go in. Then you’ll actually have to tell me what you’re doing.”
Marlene decidedly did not want to do that. She’d hardly discussed Cereus with anyone. It was for the same reason that she hadn’t mentioned Remus’ frequent visits to the Hospital Wing either. It wasn’t hers to share, and she had never quite figured out how to explain these interests of hers out loud either. So she had no reason to give to Remus and no explanation that would have made sense to him. She wished she had someone who she could share it with, and then she thought that maybe she did.
But that person wasn’t Remus.
She kicked at a rock beneath her foot.
“Fine. I won’t.”
“Great,” he grinned. “Come back with me, then? Potter and Black are annoying the piss out of me, and Pettigrew has been trying to skip a rock for over an hour.”
“Sure, why not,” Marlene said, resigned to her decision for now. “Can you do one thing for me though?”
“Hm?”
“Don’t mention this to anyone else.”
“Mention what?” he responded with a sly smile.
--❀❀❀❀❀--
Marlene stayed with Remus by the lakes edge, all the way into the late afternoon. They didn’t acknowledge Marlene’s almost adventure into the Forbidden Forest, they just sat next to each other reading their respective books. At one point Marlene got up and attempted to help Peter, who was still trying to get a rock to skip across the surface of the water. He only brushed her off and told her he’d get it, so she sat back down and was content to watch him learn.
It was only when Peter finally managed to get a small, flat stone to bounce across the lake’s surface that they left. It was as if the three boys had been waiting for him to get it right before they suggested heading back up to the castle.
She trailed up the winding paths beside the four of them, deep in thought. Distantly, she heard the sounds of James and Black chasing each other around, and of Remus’ muttered jokes to Peter about them.
She thought of Lily and Mary as she went along. She hadn’t listened to Alice at first, but she was more inclined to since Remus had told her the same thing she had. Yes, Lily would be appalled at the idea of going into the Forest, just as she had been the first time Marlene had brought it up. But past that, she knew they’d listen dutifully if she were to explain. They’d understand, she could feel it in her bones. She had never been able to make her brothers get the war of interests in her head, and she didn’t think any of the boys would understand either. But Lily and Mary? She was sure that they would. Her surety of this came from something so simple: her trust in them.
She thought that maybe they would be able to stop her from jumping into these reckless decisions of hers head first. Lily was logic and Mary was reason and together they could balance her out. She resolved to speak to them when she got back to the dormitory, to tell them about the complex web that had spun itself in her head when it came to Cereus. Of anyone, she could share this with the two of them.
When she made it up to the Gryffindor Tower, she split off from the boys and waved goodbye to Remus. She climbed the stairs up to the dorm, unexpectant of what she would find.
“Marlene!” Lily snapped the second she opened the door.
Marlene blinked over at her as she stopped in her tracks, the door still wide open behind her. She hadn’t even known if they’d be back from the library yet, but there they both were.
“Hi Lils. Hey Mary.”
Mary just pressed her lips together and didn’t answer. Lily, on the other hand, went off on her.
“Do you want to know what Alice just told us?”
“I think I can take a guess,” Marlene mumbled.
“What the hell were you thinking? The Forbidden Forest? Alone? And why would you have brought this up now? It’s been almost a year since you first mentioned it and I’d hoped you’d forgotten about it. But no! You had to bring it up again and go in there, which I just don’t get—“
“Okay, okay, stop! I didn’t go into the Forest.”
Lily paused in the midst of scolding her.
“You didn’t?” Mary asked. “But Alice said…”
“Right, and I was going to, but then I ran into Remus and, well.” Marlene gestured vaguely through the air, “The point is I didn’t go into the Forbidden Forest.”
“Why did you want to anyway?” Mary asked.
Marlene started to shrug, to brush it off, but stopped herself. She had decided to talk to them, and she would.
So she did.
She sat with them on the edge of Lily’s bed and explained it from the sort of beginning. How she’d met a girl at the Hospital Wing—she didn’t tell them who specifically—and how that girl was ill. How all she wanted to do was help, which was exactly why she was learning under Madam Pomfrey in the first place. How she’d taken a special interest in the girl’s case. How she’d wanted to do something about it.
She told them about the idea she had, and the potion she found. She told them that she knew where to get all the ingredients except for one, that was, until she found a book describing its location in the Forbidden Forest. She told them that was why she had gone down there, to look for that plant.
She explained how she didn’t usually talk about these things with anybody. She explained that she knew she could have come to them with this sooner, but sometimes her tunnel vision made it hard to do so.
Mary and Lily listened to her with ease. Neither one of them said a word the whole time she talked. They let her ramble on and delve into the extent of her interests, and how it consumed her at times. She mentioned how it was similar to quidditch for her, or to becoming a healer, or to besting Meadowes. Her friends nodded knowingly, because of course they did.
And when it all came to an end, and her words tapered off, that was when Lily said,
“So what if we helped you?”
“Helped me?”
“Yeah, we can help you with any research you’re trying to do. You obviously care about this and are committed to it. If we help we can split the work between the three of us, and it'd be a little easier for you. That would keep you on track for your coursework, too.”
“You’d do that?”
“Do you think we wouldn’t?” Mary asked with a tilt of her head.
“No, no, I just… I don’t know. You two don’t have to care about this just because I do.”
“Well that’s nonsense,” Mary laughed.
“What?” Marlene’s eyebrows drew together.
“What she means is that we want to help because you care, and so we do too.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Do I ever say things I don’t mean?”
“No.”
“Then there’s your answer.”
Marlene’s chest grew warm at their sheer willingness to do anything for her, just because she was the one asking. No single word could explain just how grateful she was for the two of them.
She had been pulled in and swept away by her one-track mind before. She had crashed and burned, she had yelled and fought, but now she was learning that wasn’t always how it had to go. She could learn to reign in her reckless habits, given that Mary and Lily were there to help when she needed it.
She knew they always would be.