Work Text:
“oh my god, wilson, what the fuck, how are you actually good at this?” house murmured as wilson sucked his dong passionately, white liquid adjacent to creme fraiche spilling out.
“oh, greg, d’ya really think that i’m only good at diagnosing people with cancer? i’m good at other things too,” wilson said, swallowing the semen.”
“house, i’m like shrek. or an onion. i have multiple layers, much like this beautiful cock you have. sure, i like cancer shit but i love you, and being gay, and other stuff as well. i’m a pretty complex person,” wilson continued, wiping the liquid from his mouth.
suddenly, the janitors closet opened. and it was the hospital janitor we’ll just called mike hunt.
“oh my god!!” mike began, examining the situation as both doctors faces practically turned into tomatoes.
“what a beautiful dong you have there, gregory!” mike awed.
“it’s so.. long,”
“i know,” wilson said.
“but, you two must return to the doctors room. this is a doctors surgery, not a porno set,”
the two pouted, but moved to the room.
unfortunately, resident mormon, jeffrey cole heard everything like that one scene in that one episode of the simpsons where todd flanders could hear homer and marge miles away.
“oh em gosh, house! wilson! what the diddily darn heck were you two doing down there?” he asked, and the two blushed. they forgot about how cole was practically an abstinent orgazmo, as his super hearing could only be explained by super powers.
“nothing,” house said, but he forgot that the author of this fic memorised every song from the book of mormon when they were 12.
“don’t lie to me greg, being gay is bad but lying is worse so just realise you have a curable curse and turn it ooooooooooffffffff,” he said, and the two frowned.
“no! don’t sing a song from a musical!! we’re gonna have another blowjob and you don’t want that do you, cole?” wilson said and cole hyperventilated and died because he’s a doctor in a medical drama and that’s what they all do.
“oh my god, cole is dead!” cuddy exclaimed.
“praise the lord. he was annoying anyway,”
for a second, jeffrey came back from the dead.
“don’t use the lords name in vain,” he said, before dying again.
“let’s send his body down to the morgue then celebrate!!” cuddy said, and everyone nodded.
they ended up not sending jeffrey to the morgue and just throwing him out the window. they all went for lunch, all opting for a lipton iced tea and beans on toast to impress lin when they went to see hamilton later.
speaking of, they all went to see hamilton after. it was great. they met lin manuel miranda afterwards, and he called wilson a twink which made him blush, but he knew it was true.
they chatted for a while longer, before they decided to go back to the hospital but a musical will musical and house and wilson ended up having a great blowjob afterwards.
they all agreed that this was the best day ever.
the end.
