Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was stupid. A stupid, dumb, terrible mistake. He hadn’t meant to, hadn’t wanted to ( god of course he didn’t want to touch that thing).

The job was simple. Simple, easy, and maybe a little dangerous. But that was nothing new in their line of business.

Pirates, that’s what they are. Sort of. They live on a ship –him and his seven crewmates, traveling the grand ocean. Free. Together. They don’t murder (most of the time), they don’t pillage (also most of the time), and they don’t rape (never, not ever), but they travel and when they need the money (always), they find jobs. Not honest jobs, they’re pirates . But people come to them when they need something done, and they do the job, get the money, and go on to find more money. 

Sometimes, the best of times, they go treasure hunting . 

The job, though, the important thing right now, was easy . Should have been easy. Infiltrate and steal an artifact from a museum, then hand it over to the contractor. 

He didn’t know how dangerous that artifact was until he saw it and realized what they were about to have in their possession.

A weapon of mass destruction, a plague, all in one small pendant. 

Yunho and San had been the ones to retrieve it. Everything went well from the time they first snuck into the museum to the moment they saw it.

Most people wouldn’t have recognized that pendant, but Wooyoung knew nearly everything about magical artifacts and had shared about as much with all of them.

…

“There’s this one necklace that can basically kill off an entire country if the person using it wants,” Wooyoung had said, flipping his book over to show all of them. 

It was beautiful, a clear blue teardrop, wrapped in silver metal, and somehow shining even through the pages of a book. Yunho had looked at it with awe that it could be so dangerous.

“If you come across it and you don’t have any magical aura– that means all of you except Seonghwa and Sannie,” Wooyoung continued, “you should definitely not touch it.”

Hongjoong had hummed, looking at the image in curiosity. “What happens if you do?”

“Well– you’ll die.”

…

“ Shit .”

San, similarly to Yunho, stares at that artifact with near-horror and just as much shock. Recognizing it almost instantly.

The contractor hadn’t told them what they were retrieving, only the room where they could find it, and that it was small enough to hold in one hand. That had been good enough for them, given the money they’d been promised. Even the pre-payment (a fourth of the total) would last them three months.

It was too good to pass up.

But, it’s not the first time they’ve handled dangerous artifacts though, so they take it in stride.

Yunho lets San retrieve it, watching as the man swipes it into a small pouch with gloved hands and a thick cloth between it, just as a precaution. Then San ties the bag to his belt, looking back at Yunho with a quick smirk.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad, huh?”

Yunho tilts his head to the door. “Let’s get it out of here before it gets bad.”

He’s starting to think that they shouldn’t go through with the rest of this transaction –and based on San’s pensive frown that makes itself known as soon as that smirk falls, he’s probably thinking that too. It’s not too late to put it back, but they both know they won’t be doing that.

They head back the way they came, right through the door of that isolated room, where the guard who had been posted there is laying on the ground, unconscious and gurgling a bit from the gas they’d used. 

It goes well. It’s easy until alarms ring, and then they run  because just walking through the front door is not going to be working anymore. 

San laughs a little when guards start running after them because he always loves a chase. Yunho, on the other hand, does not laugh because he’s too busy trying to think of a way to get them out. Though San probably already has a plan.

Yunho makes a sharp turn through the hallway, with San –and the guards who are shouting profanities at them, right behind him. 

Grabbing his crewmate by the hand, he drags the other along a little faster, just enough to gain a few more feet from their pursuers, and happens to be lucky enough to have grabbed the other just in time to hear, see, and feel a bullet fly straight past where San’s torso had been only half a second before.

San with the adrenaline of missing a potentially lethal wound, rears his head to the air with a very loud breathy laugh.

And then they reach the stairs, with the huge windows that overlook the front of the building.

“Come on, let's go through the window!” And there it is; San’s genius plan.

They’re on the third floor, but San can break their fall. So, he pulls the younger into his arms just before they reach the golden glass, and jumps.

Glass shatters around them, and they’re suddenly surrounded by the darkness of night which hadn’t been visible from the enchanted building. Air rushes through them, in Yunho’s hair, and his coat flies up and all around, and they’re freefalling. 

He can see the ground closing into them, but he doesn’t worry. They’ve done this so many times before. Then– the familiar feeling of floating, like being suspended in water, and the plummet slows– 

–only to be gutted by another loud bang .

San yelps, Yunho’s breath catches, and this time they’re falling. Really falling.

There’s barely enough time to try to catch them both. Not enough time, actually. And they crash into the ground.

Before he knows it, Yunho is laying on the ground, his body splayed all over and every inch of it aching . But there’s no time to recover, not when he can still hear shouting from above them, so he pushes past it, lifts himself and tries not to lose consciousness.

The world is spinning and hazy, but his gaze zeros in on San’s prone figure a few paces away. He’s gasping, staring into the night sky with wide, unseeing eyes. And his right hand is clutching his shoulder in a death grip.

Yunho sees the blood on his friend's hand, sees it scattered on the brick, and his pounding heart stops instantly.

“Shit. San!” he breathes, forcing himself to the other’s side.

And San wheezes, but blearily looks back at him. “Bullet in my shoulder… could be worse…”

Yunho narrows his eyes. “Still bad.” He has to get them out of here. 

San chuckles weakly. “I guess.”

He fumbles with his strewn coat, pulling his speaking stone from an inner pocket with shaking hands.

“Jongho! I need you at the front right now, San’s hurt.” From San’s own pant pocket, he can hear his voice echoing the same words with the same urgency.

“On my way,” Jongho replies instantly.

By the time Jongho arrives, Yunho has already lifted San to stand, with the man leaning most of his weight into him.

“Thank fuck we had you so close,” San jokes when Yunho hands him to the youngest, and Jongho frowns (he’s always been much more serious than the rest of them).

“Be quiet.”

Yunho notices, belatedly, that the shooting has already stopped even though he can still hear shouting. Then, he sees the silver shine that surrounds the three of them. He would have sighed if it didn’t feel like his chest was collapsing in on him.

San is still using his magic to hide them. Which is good –it is, they need it. But he wishes the man could get a moment to rest.

They hurry to the edge of the forest, away from the chaos, back to their ship, but then Yunho looks back. Back to the blood on the brick, back the broken glass and– 

And there’s that small bag, open, and the pendant lying inches from it. Fallen out from their crash landing.

None of them had noticed it. But this– this is why they came here in the first place. He can’t just leave it.

So he runs back and he doesn’t think.

He didn’t think .

He picks it up.

(in the moment that Yunho’s bare hand touches the cold jewel, his heart plummets into his stomach with a freezing terror at what he’d done. He wonders if he’ll burst into flames, fade to ashes. If the magic will stop his heart before he even has the chance to torn back to his friends. Before he’d be able to say a last goodbye.

Nothing comes, and maybe– maybe Wooyoung was wrong. Or maybe it’s actually not the same pendant they’d thought it was)

…

“I can’t believe you went and got yourself shot , Sannie,” Wooyoung huffs. His hands are laced in ocean green, hovering over San’s injured arm.

“I mean, it’s really not that bad, though…” San tries to deflect, though his ears a red in clear embarrassment at his injuries. His left arm is fractured and ribs bruised –Yunho’s probably are too, if not broken (he’s unwillingly hyper-aware of the pain in his torso that’s making breathing extremely difficult). 

“Yeah well, don’t do it again.”

Everyone is in the medical bay, fretting over San and Yunho, even though it won’t take too long for Wooyoung to heal them.

They’re already long gone from that island, and have no intentions of going back for a long while. 

Mingi is running his hands through Yunho’s hair, clearly trying to alleviate some of the pain he’s in. It doesn’t work, but it does comfort him. 

“Let’s not splat on the ground next time, either,” Yunho tries to joke, even though there's something deep and cold now trying to suffocate his heart.

( Fear).

San looks away. “Sorry.”

Yunho wants to say that it’s okay. That it was fine and they’re still alive, anyway. He doesn’t say anything, so Seonghwa says it for him.

“What matters is that you three made it back alive and in one piece. You did well.” Seonghwa rubs the back of San’s neck affectionately, and the younger one leans into it.

“Stop moving,” Wooyoung chides with a small smile tugging at his lips. 

“Okay, okay, sorry.” And Seonghwa removes his hand to let Wooyoung focus on his healing.

It takes another half an hour for Wooyoung to finish on San, and then Yunho trades seats with him, getting pulled into the healing.

Wooyoung’s magic is not gentle, but nor is it uncomfortable. It envelopes him like a tight hold of a hand or a crushing hug. 

Yunho lets it sew him back together, lost in thought. Much more silent compared to San. Until he looks up at the healer.

Wooyoung is frowning, his brows creased together tightly. And he’s mumbling quiet nothings.

“What?” Yunho questions.

“…you feel weird. You didn’t touch it, right?”

His heart slows. “No, of course not.”

He doesn’t mean to lie (because that was the biggest, fattest, cruelest lie he’s ever told), hadn’t planned on it, but the words make it out before he has time to ponder.

Wooyoung is still frowning, but Yunho can tell he believes him from the relieved sigh the younger lets out. “Good. This is gonna take a bit longer than I thought, though.”

Yunho shrugs and tries not to let the guilt consume him. “That’s fine.”

Who knows, maybe it’s okay. He’d barely touched it for a moment before throwing it back in the pouch. How could it hurt him so quickly anyway?

There’s no reason to worry, and no reason to feel bad for lying about it. At least he hopes so.

…

There are dark blue tendrils crawling up his fingertips, like poison through his veins, and Yunho knows he’d been wrong to hope.

He starts wearing his gloves around the ship.

…

“Given what you guys picked up at that museum, I think we should consider doing something else with it,” Wooyoung says over breakfast the next day. “Specifically not giving a weapon of mass destruction to a random person.”

Yunho nods, and so does everyone else. 

Hongjoong sets his utensils down, looking at the healer. “We could make some serious enemies if we don’t follow through on the deal.”

“Like we don’t already have plenty of those,” Wooyoung replied sarcastically. It's true. There are plenty of enemies that want them dead after all the stunts they’ve pulled over the years.

Yeosang sticks his own fork into a piece of chicken. “ Plenty. ”

“The question, though, is what we should do with it,” San says.

“Keep it?” Wooyoung offers, but Hongjoong shakes his head roughly.

“Definitely not.”

“We could just destroy it.”

Yunho looks at Jongho —the one who’d offered that idea, and wonders if the curse would disappear if the source was destroyed.

“I think that’s a good idea,” he says.

“Do you know how to dispel a magical artifact, Wooyoung?” Hongjoong asks.

Wooyoung nods slowly. “There are a couple of options, I think…” he pauses, looking pensive. “The person that made it could do it pretty easily. But that’s only if they’re alive, and this thing is pretty old.”

“And then we’d have to convince them to do it in the first place,” Yeosang adds.

Hongjoong nods. “It’s an option.”

Wooyoung looks at the captain hesitantly. “…We could also take it to the Red Ocean.” Hongjoong’s lips pull down at the corners. “Or try to find a spell-breaker,” he quickly adds.

A moment of silence passes, and the captain stares down at his plate in thought. 

“Let’s see if we can find someone to dispel it first.”

They continue their breakfast.

Yunho’s right hand is cold.

…

Quiet nights are one of Yunho’s favorite times. Those nights where the ocean lulls and everyone is asleep except him, where he sits in the crows nest with just himself, the waves, and the thousands of stars scattered in the sky.

Though Yunho values his sleep, he’s never disappointed when it’s his turn to take watch. How could he be? When the world is so beautiful just for him.

This night is no different. He’s cuddled up in a blanket, a lamp and a book at his side. The only thing more peaceful than a moment like this is when he gets to see Mingi’s shining smile directed at him.

(Mingi is his best friend. Ever since they were little, it was Mingi and Yunho, two peas in a pod. Birds of a feather. Best friends forever. 

He doesn’t remember how they met anymore. It having been a mundane occurrence in his young daily life. He remembers having seen Mingi around town and not thinking much of it, and then he remembers spending every waking moment of his life with him.

When Mingi’s father died, Yunho’s family took him in. And when Yunho ’s parents died, they took care of each other. It had been his friend’s dream to roam the seas first, and, with no one to keep them in their hometown, Yunho followed until he adopted that dream, too.

It was and always will be the best thing that’s happened to him in his life.)

The book he’s been reading is horribly uninteresting, but when Yeosang had recommended it to him he’d said that what ties it all together is the last scene.

It’s about a man traveling the world, about the places he’s gone and the sights he’s seen, but when the majority of the story consists of the author describing scenery instead of including any sort of plot, Yunho finds that his mind goes hazy every time he reads more than a page in one sitting.

He’s nearly half done reading it, but he’s done with it for the night. Any more and he’ll fall asleep on watch.

The quiet takes his mind off of all of his worries.

His shift is almost over, though, so he breathes it all in. The salty ocean smell. The cool, nearly freezing air. And he watches both nothing and everything all at once until he hears the creaking of the ladder, a tell-tale sound of his shift coming to an end.

He doesn’t mind that either, sleep is just as good a friend.

Seonghwa’s face pops out from the side of the crows nest, a groggy smile on his face. “Good morning, Yunho,” he greets.

“Good night , Hwa,” Yunho replies jokingly. He’s already stood up and unwrapped the blanket from his body after a quick stretch of his limbs.

Seonghwa doesn’t appreciate the night nearly as much as Yunho does, but the sun will be coming up in less than two hours, and he knows that Seonghwa loves watching the sunrise. He’s seen the way the elder’s electric red eyes go wide, taking in the beauty of the morning. The way his lips would part in awe no matter how many times he sees that view.

He gets it. There’s nothing quite like nature.

…

Two days pass and Yunho pretends he doesn’t feel like he could collapse at any moment with fear. With shame. Regret.

They’re already on their way to meet a magician –Hongjoong works fast, and has many connections– and should be there in four more days. But Yunho doesn’t know how long he has left. The dark blue vines are already nearing his wrist and his hand is always so cold he can barely feel it anymore.

He doesn’t even know if destroying it will help him.

He doesn’t know if he should tell them. He doesn’t want to tell them, not when he knows how much they’ll hurt from it. He wouldn’t be able to handle seeing Mingi cry over him.

But if not now, then when ? When he’s so long gone, he won’t be able to say a word to them? Could he really make them find out he’s dying only by the time there’s nothing they could even do to try and save him?

…

All eight of them are filed into a small cabin off the outskirts of an island town. They’ve been to this island numerous times before. The owner of the cabin –the fateful magician– is an old friend of Seonghwa, from long before the man had first met Hongjoong and started their crew. 

“Nice to see you all again,” the magician says after having poured them all cups of tea and left cookies on the table.

The cabin is quaint. Plants and jars are scattered nearly everywhere, and a large medicine cabinet takes up a whole wall on the other side of the room. Outside, there’s a garden that Yunho has seen the magician care for religiously as if the plants were their own children (and he guesses they do actually think of it similarly to that). 

“Us too,” Hongjoong replies, holding his steaming teacup in one hand.

Yunho himself is holding his own cup with both hands in a tight grasp. It’s comfortable and warm to the touch, though the others probably found it just a bit too hot.

“Your new roses are beautiful, by the way,” Seonghwa comments, his eyes admiring the white flowers outside the window. And the magician smiles, spending a minute or two discussing with their friend how they care for their new plants and describing the properties they give when the petals are crushed and mixed with a tincture Yunho missed the name of.

He misses most of that conversation, actually, having focused too hard on trying to position his hand in a way that the warmth of his cup would touch as much of him as possible. He only looks up when Hongjoong mentions the pendant, attention caught.

“We decided it’s better if we got rid of it for good, in case anyone else goes looking for it for nefarious purposes.”

The magician stares, their green eyes (a distinct contrast from Seonghwa’s own) soft.

“It’s good you all got to it first. I’m glad.” And then they pause, seeming unsure. “Unfortunately I don’t think I will be able to dispel it, but I will give it a try, if I may.”

Hongjoong nods while Yunho’s heart continues to sink. “Okay. We don’t need to rush it. The only thing we’re worried about is getting rid of it before our contractor realizes, and I’ve already contacted them and told them that it will be a month and a half before we arrive to pass it on.”

No, Yunho thinks. There’s no time for that. He’s already dying and he doesn’t know how long until it’s too late.

There’s no time to lose, please.

(In the back of his mind he sees Mingi’s crumpled expression. His heart is breaking and he doesn’t know what to do.)

They smile. “Of course.”

…

The magician, as it turns out, is unable to destroy it. But they do make a replica, infused with only a small amount of magical energy, to get the contractor off their backs for a bit longer.

Seonghwa thanks them when they prepare to leave, but just before they go, the magician pulls Yunho aside.

They look at Yunho with sad eyes, and he knows what’s coming before they speak.

“You’re cursed,” they say simply. And Yunho knows that, but to hear it so definitively hurts so much more than he thought it could.

He nods silently.

They take Yunho’s hand, slipping his glove off and, dejectedly, Yunho lets them. Their hands trace the lines crawling up past his wrist, tasking in the sight with no more than a soft breath.

“I’m sorry.” They say it softly as they return the glove to him. “Do they know?”

The answer is probably obvious from the lack of urgency his crew had displayed, but they ask it anyway. For confirmation. Yunho shakes his head this time.

“No.” He breathes out through his nose. “I can’t bring myself to… tell them.”

Turning away after a short dip of their head, the magician pulls a small blue bottle from a drawer in their cabinet. Yunho eyes it carefully.

“I made something for you. It will slow the effects.” They pass the bottle to him and he observes the shining sparkles that float at the top and the blue ombre that gets darker as it nears the bottom. “Take one sip three times a day. It will make you feel a bit nauseated, but…”

He nods, understanding. “Thank you.”

“And, Yunho, you strong boy…” He looks up, right into their deep eyes that gaze back at him. “They need to know.”

…

They leave, but not before Yunho takes one tentative sip from the potion.

He hides it in an inner coat pocket.

Chapter Text

The magician’s words ring deep in Yunho’s mind the next morning as he returns the potion to its place in his coat.

They’re right. He knows they are. It’s all he can think about, now. 

From sunup to sundown all Yunho can think of is how to get the words out. What he should say. How he could try to comfort them. But none of it ever feels right.

Wooyoung starts pulling him into the medical bay regularly now, though he never says the real reason why.

“I need to check up on your ribs,” he would say, though both of them know he’s already fully healed. “Just a regular checkup, I’m making everyone do it right now.” But Yunho never sees anyone else head to the med bay. 

“You’re so cold , Yunho,” Wooyoung mutters this time. His magic is running all around Yunho’s body, but he can barely feel it anymore. The comforting green hug is replaced by suffocating blue. “Are you eating enough?”

Normally, Yunho would have rolled his eyes. “You see me eat during every meal, Wooyoung.” His voice lacks tone. Too stressed to even try and sound okay.

Wooyoung hums absently, removing his hand from Yunho’s chest and returning them to hovering over his stomach. “Do you feel sick at all? Any symptoms?”

“A little nauseated.”

It’s not a lie. The potion has been working well. He’s been watching the vines under his skin slow and wriggle, taking longer to decide where to infect next.

“Anything else?” The healer stares at Yunho with a challenge in his expression.

Yes , he thinks. Everything hurts. I’m so tired. So cold I can barely sleep anymore. “No, just that.”

He’s a liar, but he doesn’t know how to stop.

Wooyoung breathes heavily through his mouth, gaze dropping. “Okay.”

…

“I don’t know what’s wrong ,” Yunho hears Wooyoung say one day while he was on his way to the washroom (He was in need of a very hot bath). 

He’d stopped on his tracks, not really knowing why. But something in his gut tells Yunho this is about him.

“He says he’s fine, he says he just feels a little sick but he’s not , Sannie.” There’s an aggravated worry in Wooyoung’s voice, in its higher-than-usual pitch. “His skin feels like ice. And there’s something wrong with his aura… It feels… it’s like..” The boy trails off, and Yunho hears San hum questioningly. He can practically see the furrowed eyebrows and lips pulled into a thin line.

“It feels like what?” San prompts.

“No matter how many times I check it, it’s the same. Worse , actually. It’s– it feels dark , Sannie…”

Yunho runs away, but only just in time to hear fear enter Wooyoung’s voice.

“I don’t know what to do .”

Neither does he. God, neither does he.

Yunho bathes, soaking in the warm water, and manages to fall asleep in it at some point. When he exits, the sky is dark.

…

The red sea is dangerous. It’s a part of every sailing horror story. The creatures that live there are unknown to the rest of the world, and the only records of them are when they wash up dead on the shore. Terrifying, magical creatures. Ship-eaters. Monsters of the deepest parts of the ocean.

No one knows why it’s red. Some say it’s the blood of every sailor that has dared travel there. An unlikely case, but the fear of that part of the waters is not unfounded.

It’s said that in the center of the red sea is a chasm that drops to the core of the earth. Both a bane of magical energy and the source of all of it.

That’s why they consider going there. They are not a crew of perfect people. They’ve all done illegal, and sometimes terrible and terrifying things, but one thing his crew does not lack are morals .

The world may have abandoned each of them, but they have not abandoned it. Not yet.

There are so many weapons similar to the one in their possession. Some far worse. And, because they live for themselves, for each other’s survival, they can never, and would never go out of their way to destroy each and every one of them.

But this pendant ended up in their hands… It’s their responsibility to make sure it’s never used again. It wouldn’t be right to leave it.

Especially when they know someone is after it.

Before they set off, Hongjoong approaches each of them and gets the approval to venture to that destination.

“It’s dangerous there. I can’t promise we’ll all survive. I need to make sure you understand that and are still willing,” Hongjoong had said to Yunho in the quiet crow's nest.

Yunho had been watching the stars, thinking of his eldest crewmate when the captain came up.

No , he’d thought. Not all of us will make it back . But he’ll make sure the rest of them do. He’s dying, but that means he’s free to give his life to protect them all. For that, at least, he's grateful.

“The crew will make it through, I know it. This is our job to do.”

“Are you sure? If you want me to, I will turn this ship around tonight.”

“I’m sure.”

…

During a calm afternoon, Yunho spends some time with Yeosang. He’s brought out that same book, and somehow ended up enthralled in the description of a scenery. Seeing the resemblance of that ocean view to the one Yunho sees every morning.

Every detail he’s observed himself is written down on paper with so much care that Yunho himself could have been the author if only he had the same way with words. 

The entire chapter consists only of one ocean view, and when he finishes, he finds himself satisfied. If that had been the final chapter, he would have considered it worthwhile. He still has five more to read. 

Yeosang had entered not long ago, and Yunho had greeted the other briefly, only to forget the other was there a moment later.

Now he sees that the smaller boy is sitting on the other side of the dining table with pen and paper, but still only looking up at Yunho. There are no markings on the plank pages, yet untouched.

Closing and setting the book aside, Yunho greets him once again. “Hi, sorry I had to finish this.” He gestures loosely to the novel.

Yeosang’s cheeks lift softly. “No problem. I hope you don’t mind me disturbing you. I needed somewhere quiet to work.” Then Yeosang’s eyes flicker to the slightly yellowed pages and blue leather cover. “How is it?”

Yunho pats the cover of the book. “Extremely boring, most of the time. I can barely bring myself to open it up because it always lulls me to sleep. But, it’s beautiful, too” He chuckles, but there’s a sort of gentleness in his laugh. Dull as it is, he’s been enjoying the moments of peace he gets every time he opens it up.

“Oh really?” yeosang hums. “I found it quite sad, myself.”

Yunho blinks, thumbing the pages. “How? Nothing even happens in it.”

“Well...What do you think it’s about?”

The question throws him off, even though he’s wondered the same to himself –albeit in an exasperated manner. He takes a moment to ponder the long-lasting, rosy, display of words. All from moments when the main character had had his breath stolen in awe.

“It’s about loving the world, I guess.”

Yeosangs eyes crinkle and he’s looking at Yunho with admiring eyes. “Of course. But I won’t spoil it for you. This is your story to discover.”

There are still five more chapters, and that’s more than enough time for the author to reveal the hidden meaning in their writing. He’s curious to know what it is.

(He wants to time the ending of the book with the end of this journey. Somehow, it feels wrong to finish it too early.)

“I guess I'll find out,” he says.

They talk for a bit, and Yeosang only ends up getting seven minutes of quiet time to work before Wooyoung comes in with most of the rest of the crew in tow to prepare dinner. But at least, because he is Wooyoung’s favorite, Yeosang gets out of helping prepare the food. Or maybe it's just because Yeosang isn’t to be trusted in the kitchen.

Yunho gets the honor of stirring the curry. 

…

The next chapter speaks about a person, or so Yunho interprets. There’s a fluctuation between the description of a light breeze and another’s steady heartbeat and even breaths.

It never says outright which of the two the author is focusing on, and he wishes there was just a bit more clarity.

His reading is interrupted by San inviting him to come join them outside, and Yunho nearly declines because of the hazy pain in his head, but his heart doesn’t let him. It tells him this could be the last time.

…

The water is starting to change color. In the distance, he can see deep dark red. 

They set anchor just on the outskirts of the red ocean, and Hongjoong asks them one more time if they’re all up to this. None of them say they want to turn back.

That night, they have a party. Everyone cooks one big feast together, laughing and joking with each other because that’s what’s important to them, even with the danger hanging only a days trip away.

They drink, and Yunho pours each shot like it’s the last time he’ll ever drink again. He has nothing to lose, and maybe the liquor will wash away the fear.

They stay up deep into the night, all together like they were always supposed to be.

Yunho holds Mingi’s hand the whole night and doesn’t feel bad about it. Though he wishes he had the courage to look him in the eyes and tell him everything he’s been meaning to say for fifteen days. And what he’s been keeping hidden for six years.

He sees stars in Mingi. He sees the ocean he’s loved his whole life. He sees his hometown and his parents. He sees everything he’s ever admired, all in one man.

If he could be the sunset to Mingi’s sunrise, then he would be happy forever.

Naturally, he says nothing of it, but when Mingi turns to his with a question of “What’cha staring at?” Yunho can’t help the adoring smile.

“Nothing,” he whispers to his best friend. “I’m just happy to be here with you.” 

“This is our new home now… Thank you for coming with me.” Mingi squeezes Yunho’s hand, and his heart continues to beat. “I wouldn’t be me without you.”

The alcohol neither lessens the fear nor loosens his tongue, and though Yunho ponders telling them all the truth numerous times during that night, just as he has every day before, the words never reach his mouth.

He doesn’t want to ruin a perfect moment.

…

He wakes with a terrible headache and a very urgent need to pee. So he hurriedly stumbles to the bathroom and the morning sunshine rams into his head painfully.

It’s been a while since he’s had a hangover, but he doesn’t know how the curse and the potion would affect him when he’s drinking. He hadn’t thought too much about it at the time, and a small hangover is really one of the best options.

The morning doesn’t wait for them, and neither does Hongjoong, who as soon as everyone has had their post-party water and fruit, orders the ship to get in motion. 

Anchor raised, their ship takes them into the red waters. 

In moments, Yunho feels the air change. There’s an aura of death in the air, and every gust of wind starts to feel like a warning.

They don’t turn back. They sail straight through.

The destination is a small island in the center of these waters. That’s where they will take the pendant.

Yunho’s headache is gone by midday, but has already been replaced by a queasiness in his stomach, that, mixed with the potion-induced nausea, the aching in the vines under his skin, and the ever-consistent ice in his blood, leaves him with a cold sweat and acid in his throat.

When he looks down below the ship, he can see numerous fish underneath. There seem to be more fish than water beneath them, all swimming so close to the surface he feels he’s catching their eyes. The long creatures, similar in appearance to eels, feel like they’re staring at him. It feels undoubtedly dangerous. 

Though the sea creatures have yet to give them an issue, Yunho knows the time of safety ended as soon as they set sail this morning. Now, it’s time for Yunho to give his family everything he has. Once the catastrophe arrives, he will be ready.

His hand has begun shaking, but he tries to remember the feeling of Mingi’s fingers intertwined with his.

“I’m scared,” San says to him, staring down at the same scene he’s looking at. “This place feels awful.”

Yunho nods his agreement to that statement. He’s afraid too.

Silence falls between them. Uneasy, but only because of the circumstances.

San breaks the silence again after minutes. “You’ve been quiet lately,” he states suddenly. Yunho finally turns his gaze away from the creatures below them.

Yes, he has been. He’s running out of things he knows how to say. He’s running out of things that are important enough to him to say out loud. That doesn’t change, even in this moment when it’s directly brought up.

“What’s going on?” San continues.

There’s a fish staying still in the water. Watching them. Its visible eye is large and round. Observing everything.

“I’m scared too,” Yunho admits with a low breath. “There’s–”

He wonders if this time he’ll be able to do it. Say the words. But the lump in his throat is growing bigger.

“I’m–” he’s not ready yet. He needs more time. “I have something I need to say. But not yet. Let’s get through this first.”

He can’t even be disappointed in himself for keeping this secret again, because the relief of not saying it is so much stronger than the guilt.

Still, he can’t look up at San anymore.

…

Disaster strikes.

The wind is howling, waves roaring. Fog is blanketing them so Yunho can hardly see what’s in front of him, and the waves rocking their ship and spraying into the air don’t help the matter.

This is not just a storm, it’s an attack fueled by anger.

The waters are not happy with them for venturing here.

Amongst the deafening sounds, Yunho can hear Seonghwa screaming into the storm, pleading and bartering with nature to calm. He doesn’t know if the red glow in the fog is simply a part of the location or the reflection of Seonghwa’s raging magic.

The storm does not calm yet, not like it normally would have. Instead their ship rocks harshly against a wave, and Yunho desperately holds onto the sails as his body flies with it. He hears Wooyoung behind him, yelping in shock, and looks back, unable to see his crewmate, but reaching one hand out to grasp the other’s two hands wrapped tightly around the rope.

He holds on with a death grip, even as the ship leans far to the opposite side. Water soaks him from head to toe. What hair isn’t slapping in the wind is glued to his face and forehead.

Seongwa’s voice rises past the roaring. He can’t understand the words, but he can hear deep emotion.

The creatures in the ocean are screaming at them, loud, ringing. It makes his ears feel like they’re bleeding.

Then something slaps the surface of the water, and everything shakes.

Yunho has one singular moment of clarity. His eyes open past the fog, to the towering monsters surrounding them, angry. To Wooyoung, whose grip is loosening despite his efforts. To where he was sure Seonghwa was before, but is now only space taken up by rain and waves.

Wooyoung reacts first, but Yunho is right behind him. He loses the other’s grip for less than a second, but that’s more than enough time for him to lose everything .

Wooyoung runs and Yunho runs after. The other’s will be safe for now. He has two goals, more important than anything he’s had to do before.

Yunho doesn’t jump into the water. No, the storm sends him flying into it before he’d managed to make it to the side of the ship.

Before he hits the water he sees one crewmate falling and a glimpse of the eldest’s pink hair under the surface, a lighter shade than the red around him.

When he submerges, he does not allow himself to lose consciousness. Even as all breath is punched from his lungs.

Fish are swimming around him on all sides, long, and terrifying , but as much as they touch every inch of his body as they rush past him, they don’t harm him. Only slow his efforts. And Yunho understands the hive mind of this place.

No matter what, he will not lose his family. Not if he can help it. 

These waters have no right taking them from him.

…

He gasps for air. Heaving into himself as he tries to fill his lungs.

Every inch of his body is aching and exhausted. But Seonghwa and Wooyoung are with him, his arms wrapped around both of them. His lifeline.

Wooyoung, even unconscious, is grasping Seonghwa by the shirt with determination.

He crawls them to land because he’s shaking far too much to be able to stand. It takes an eternity , and when he reaches land untouched by waves, he collapses and lets his body rest.

…

“We’re stranded.” Wooyoung is sitting in the shade just past the threshold of threes from the shore. His eyes are set outwards, watching the calm red sea ahead of them with his arms wrapped around his knees. His lips are tinted blue, and he keeps coughing, wet and loud. “We don’t even know if the others are alive.”

Their speaking stones are (Two of three, Wooyoung's having been lost at some point during their swim) not working. Not only is no one answering, but the purple tinge of magic in them isn’t even there. Completely cut off by the island. The same island that had been their destination.

The two of them built a fire. The night will be here soon. And Seonghwa is still passed out.

“They’ll be fine. They have to be.” His efforts to comfort the younger seem to go unheard.

Yunho feels so much guilt. He doesn’t know what he should have done. He couldn’t have left these two to drown, but now he has no assurance that the rest of the crew survived. 

The pain in his chest is a mixture of poison and emotion.

He continues to wheeze breaths, as quietly as possible. Breathing is getting harder, and Wooyoung can only heal physical injuries. 

Night closes in, and Yunho tells Wooyoung to sleep while he takes watch. The younger man insists on waking him up to take over watch once Yunho gets tired, and he says he will, but he has no intention of doing so. 

He needs Wooyoung to rest as much as he can so he can recover. Yunho can’t recover.

When he’s the only one awake, he removes his shirt and traces the lines. The blue is forming a swirling pattern in his stomach and starting to trail up to his heart. 

Only a few more days. Or less.

…

Half of his body is totally numb. Even with his coarse damp shirt rubbing against him, he doesn’t really feel it.

The other two wake up with the sun, and Wooyoung reprimands Yunho for not waking him. But Wooyoung looks much better than he had some hours before, so he doesn’t regret it one bit.

Yunho keeps watching the shore, because he doesn’t know what else to do. Somehow, by a miracle, the three of them don’t have any injuries other than a few scrapes. Both he and Seonghwa had insisted on leaving them to heal on their own so Wooyoung wouldn’t have to waste his energy on them, but the younger hadn’t heard any of it. Intent on doing something useful. So they’d let him in the end. 

Again, when Wooyoung had started healing him, he’d gotten a sharp keen to his eyes. Almost angry. This time, though, he doesn’t teeter around the subject.

“I need to know what’s wrong with you, Yunho.”

His stomach drops at the sharp question. He looks away, momentarily. Sees the way Seonghwa’s body has stilled, one hand unmoving from where it had been tracing lines in the sand.

“No,” and Wooyoung’s hand cups his cheek, forcing Yunho to face him again. “Look at me.” 

Yunho looks. Those dark brown irises are circled with shadows and underlined with red pain. He looks, though he wants to turn away. 

“Something’s not right, ” Wooyoung begs. “And I know you know what it is. You just have to tell me.”

But he can’t . He couldn’t bring himself to do it before, and now he just can’t. Not when he only knows that three of them are alive. Not when they’re already so worried about the others. He can’t do that to them.

(Something tells him that not saying anything is just as bad.)

He has to say it eventually. 

But he can’t do it yet.

“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine.”

He can’t say it.

But he could have.

…

Wooyoung surely would have yelled at him, angry and afraid, if Seonghwa had not interrupted them.

“Guys? I think– I think I found something.”

He sounds unsure. He wouldn’t usually interrupt a conversation like that, and that’s how Yunho knows it’s important.

Seonghwa has his back turned to them both, only a few paces away. Looking down at something.

Before they get up, Wooyoung levels him with a glare. “We’re not done with this.” And then the younger gets up to see what Seounghwa was looking at.

Yunho waits a moment, shame filling him before a sharp hiss has him to his feet in an instant.

“That’s–” Wooyoung gasps.

Yunho reaches them, and in Seonghwa’s hand is a small green pouch. One Yunho recognizes with dread.

Seonghwa unties the drawstrings. Inside is Yunho’s demise. The curse-bringer. “So it is,” Seonghwa breathes thinly.

He hadn’t looked at the pendant once since they’d gotten back on the ship, and his veins are flaring from the sight of it. Pain burning through his limbs.

Something tells him to get away from it, but his feet stay frozen in place because that pouch had been safely hidden in Hongjoong’s quarters, and now it’s here , with the three of them, and their ship and crewmates are nowhere to be found.

Numb.

The sand is hot. His body is hazy, floating. He closes his eyes.

Someone shouts, and he doesn’t get to fall asleep. Something holds him, and he wonders why he was wanting to sleep in the first place. It’s still morning.

The haze disappears leaving Yunho to lay on the sand and question how long he’s been there. How long people –Seonghwa and Wooyoung– have been calling him? 

Suddenly able to see when he couldn’t before, he looks up at his friends and sees the details he’d missed.

Seonghwa is trying to hold him up to sit, and Yunho only manages to realize he should be helping shift his weight before he hears the eldest suck in a horrified breath.

“ Oh my god. ”

Seonghwa’s nails dig into his arm –arms, but he can only feel one. What’s going on? What happened?

He tries to ask it out loud. He doesn’t get to. 

Wooyoung screams. Yunho’s ears ring. “–Oh my god! ”

What’s happening?

His shirt is being ripped off of him before he realizes it, and then his chest is bare and the blue vines are visible, and– oh. 

Oh.

“What–” Seonghwa’s head whips to Wooyoung, eyes blared. “What is that!?” 

No. This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want them to lose everyone else and him at the same moment.

Go back. Take it back. It’s not time yet.

“ What is it? Wooyoung?”

But Wooyoung doesn’t answer. He looks sick.

Yunho tries to grab his shirt. To cover it up. Wooyoung slaps his hand away.

“You didn’t ,” Wooyoung begs. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Yunho can’t do that either. There are a lot of things he can’t say lately.

He can’t speak. He can’t look them in their eyes even though Wooyoung is clawing at his skin as if he could get the dark blue out if he tried hard enough. Even though Seonghwa is staring at him like he’s afraid of Yunho. Of the lines.

Something animal crawls up his throat. Seonghwa jolts.

“I–” The lump is back in his throat. He feels bare. wide open. on display. “I– don’t– I can’t–” he can't breathe. There's an overgrown forest in his lungs, overflowing oceans in his veins. He feels like he could burst. There’s too much inside of him and it’s ripping his skin open.

The lump is burning with acid, and Yunho turns away just in time to retch, vomit forcing its way out of him. His body shakes and heaves, with no control left.

Burning ice is spreading all throughout him. Familiar but overwhelming. His limbs are scorching, mind screaming for him to run away to somewhere safe. But he’s safe here with them. He is .

“Put–” he retches again, more of a dry heave, because there was already very little in his stomach. “ Put it back .”

The relief is nearly instantaneous, and he collapses into the sand again, face close to, but not touching the pool of vomit next to him. He has no energy left to move away. Every fiber in his body is exhausted. And, though the pain isn’t gone, he can breathe again.

.

.

.

Past the ringing in his ears, their voices filter in. Muffled, far away, yet too close.

“What’s happening to him?”  

Seonghwa sounds so scared. Wooyoung is still stifling back angry tears. “That idiot,” he says, and he’s fisting Yunho’s shirt –they must have put it back on him. And moved him. The trees are hanging over him again. “I told him how dangerous it was, and he still went and touched it.”

His head hurts.

“Touched…” He hears a ruffle of clothes. “He touched the pendant.” Resigned realization.

His heart hurts.

“Of course. Of course, he did. Yunho, you stupid, dumb, idiotic, moron .”

 A small grin makes its way to his lips. Wooyoung is so caring. “I think I got the point, Woo…”

“Don’t talk. I’m tired of you people–” the boy hisses, suddenly cutting himself off. “Stop talking.”

Yunho didn’t want to be reminded. He pushes himself up, and Seonghwa helps him, his hands holding him so carefully, Yunho might as well be a newborn. He mumbles thanks and tries not to think too much about the fact that the eldest doesn’t look at him.

Wooyoung glares at him. “You shouldn’t get up, either.”

At least Seonghwa is still holding him. Even if he can’t face him right now. At least Wooyoung his still clenching his shirt, even through the hurt in his expression.

“I feel okay now,” Yunho says. “I’m sorry for worrying you two.”

He’s so, so , very sorry for all of this.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “It would be good for you to rest a bit more.”

“No… I wouldn’t be able to right now,” he replies, trying to force as much normal into his voice as possible. “Besides, there’s something we still need to do.”

…

The three of them decide to finish what they came for. If fate decided it was up to them to finish the job, then so be it. The others may be worried right now, but he needs to finish this.

They travel into the depths of the forest, and no one speaks more than a few words.

Seonghwa’s mind is long gone. His eyes are set forward, but there’s no intention, no emotion, behind them.

Yunho’s mind is reeling. He wants to bargain with the universe. He can’t believe it. He can’t– he can’t deny it either.

Wooyoung is holding Seonghwa’s hand, barely keeping one foot in front of the other.

Being so close to the magic that’s killing him is excruciating. Every second is a lifetime of agony. It hurts. It hurts so much. And his heart hurts even more, somehow. He feels so alone with only two members of his family with him.

It feels like he might break down into tears and scream. The feelings are too much. Too little. If only they were with him. If only they hadn’t come here. If only he’d just left the pendant on that blood-splattered brick. If only he’d thought before he picked it up. If only–

If only– if–only everything would stop hurting and maybe–

–maybe, when they reach the depths, Yunho will throw himself down with the pendant. Maybe it would be easier that way.

Then it would stop.

…

The nature around them is quiet, too quiet. It feels terribly dangerous. It’s dark, trees cutting off nearly all light from the midday sun. They don’t belong here. They never should have come.

When he looks at his two crewmates (how could it be, that they may be the only two left after this.) he knows in his heart that their lives rest on his shoulders. He saved them from drowning before, and now he’ll save them again. At the very least, he’ll make sure they reach the shore again. And maybe the world will be kind enough to let the two of them leave this part of the sea safely.

The wind is picking up like it’s pulling everything deeper into the island. Even the trees have grown tilted towards the center.

They go deeper. And then the howling starts. It’s not like the bellow of those sea monsters that had attacked their ship. It’s deep and hollow. A sound that could never come from a living creature. It tells them they’re close.

Every set feels like he could be swept away into the currents of the wind, and so he takes hold of his crewmates once again. He’ll try to hold them back if they misstep.

The trees are thinning, but still no light in their path. Dark clouds hang over them. 

…

“This is it,” Seonghwa states. Her eyes are glowing, keeping the wind around them at bay. Enough that they don’t fall. That’s all he can seem to manage.

Wooyoung holds both of them close. His eyelashes are still wet. He nods.

The depths are long and dark. The pit looks like it’s endless. He’s afraid of it. He doesn’t think he’d be able to make the jump. He doesn’t think he wants to, even when everything has fallen apart.

If he just stepped out from Seonghwa’s circle of protection, then it would be so easy. He wouldn’t have to make the final decision. Just let the wind carry him away.

But then… then he would have to let go of them. And he’s still so selfish to want his last moments to be with his family. He just wants a little bit longer with them.

It’s jarring, how simple it is. How easily Seonghwa takes the pouch and lets it fly away. 

He should be glad. But It’s gone and it was so uneventful that Yunho wants to scream at the universe for making them go through all of that just to take that pendant like it was rightfully it’s. Like they didn’t suffer to bring it.

They stare into the deep nothingness for an eternity. And then they leave.

There are dark spots in his vision. 

…

Hope, it seems, was never an option for Yunho. But when static resounds from Seonghwa’s pocket, he accepts that. There may be some kindness in the world after all.

“ –guys, please, answer us. Please be okay– please”

It’s Hongjoong. It’s Hongjoong .

He’s never felt more relieved in his life.

Seonghwa nearly drops the stone in an effort to get it out. “ Hongjoong! Oh my god , you’re alive . Are you– are you hurt? How are the others? Are they okay?” His words come out in a rush, trying to force themselves out in front of each other.

“Hongjoong!?” Wooyoung clamors. Yunho, as much as he wishes he could join, could speak to his captain   –who he’d thought was dead – only has the energy to stare in amazement and joy. His chest pounds with elation.

“Oh– oh thank god–” Hongjoong’s voice carries from the stone, a rare frailty in it. “ Thank god, you– you’re–”

Songhwa sobs, loud and choked. “You’re alive…”

“ We’re all okay over here, Hwa. The storm cleared up quickly and we only have a few notable injuries and…”

Hongjoong’s alive. They’re all alive. Mingi. Mingi’s alive.

“I heard Wooyoung… he’s with you then? But where is Yunho? Have you two seen him?”

Yunho wants to be held.

“He’s here… with us.” Wooyoung is quiet now, but he’s tearful –still crying because he hasn’t really stopped since the morning– just like the eldest is. Shivering with emotion. “All three of us are together.”

“Good…” Hongjoong exhales, staticy through the speaking-stone. “ Where are you?”

“We woke up on the island… We thought you guys were gone, after the… after the pendant… washed up too.”

Seonghwa shivers. 

“ I’m sorry… I didn’t realize it had disappeared until an hour ago.” He pauses. “I was caught up. Do you still have it?”

“We threw it out. It’s gone forever now,” Seonghwa whispers.

Yunho wants Mingi.

“ Good job. You all did well. We’re coming for you, now.”

Those words, from his captain's mouth, send fireworks of calm exploding in him. He can’t wait. He hopes they get here soon. He wants to go home.

Wooyoung sighs. “Finally. I’m so sick of it here.”

Yunho had expected the conversation to end somewhere around there, or for Hongjoong to pass the stone to the rest of the members. Instead, there’s a bout of heavy silence. “Seonghwa?”

Songhwa hums, or tries to. It comes out as more of a moan. 

“ Why hasn’t Yunho said anything? Is he alright?”

Songhwa heaves another trembling sob. “Come get us, Hongjoong. Please .”

…

At some point, he loses the ability to stand anymore.

They’re so close. So close to the ship, to their family. All he wants is to just be there right now.

It’s all coming down too fast. He should have more time. He hasn’t taken a sip from the potion since he lost it in the storm, but the effects are coming too quickly. He’d been… He’d been mostly fine this morning. He’s been okay .

But now he can’t move and he’s so cold . Not the kind of cold that chills your skin during a winter breeze or when you take a dip in the deep ocean water. It’s the kind that stems from the inside. The kind that seeps from his bones as if they were ice. The painful type, that no amount of blankets or coats can ease.

His skin is starting to take a pale purple tinge, and the tendrils, like snakes sucking him dry, have traveled up his neck. Strangling him.

The kind of cold that leaves him paralyzed. 

He can feel it moving inside him. As distinctly as he would be able to feel water dripping down his face, he can feel it.

The trees overhead are so oppressive. He just wants to be on his ship. He wants to be with everyone. He wants to see Mingi.

God , he wants to see Mingi so much.

“Yunho? Yuyu? I need you to look at me.” Seonghwa’s looking at him, now. It’s a relief. His hands are cupping his face. They’re warm. He struggles to move his gaze to the eldest’s own, which is brimming with still unshed tears. His mouth is trembling, pulling down in sorrow. “ That’s it, there you go.” Seonghwa’s thumb rubs Yunho’s cheek back and forth… back and forth… “You’re going to be okay, Yunho. We– going to be home soon. You're going to be just fine.” 

Seonghwa’s voice cracks terribly as he speaks. There’s terror in his eyes. The tears start falling.

“You’ll be just fine.”

It sounds like a lie.

…

Wooyoung is talking quietly into the speaking stone, but not so quietly that he wouldn’t be able to hear it, even through his daze. 

“Yunho’s dying,” he says.

He’s been speaking with the rest of the crew the whole time, and all their voices have been so comforting, even when each of them has been wracked with tears or melancholy exhaustion. The past few days have been rough on everyone.

“ What?”

Yunho misses who says it.

“He’s dying,” Wooyoung confides. “And I don’t know if he’ll make it through the day.”

…

He coughs, and coughs, and coughs, until his throat is raw and ripped and sore and bloody.

The taste of copper in his mouth is devastating. 

…

There’s shouting, a lot of it, and Yunho wakes up from a restless slumber.

It takes a moment for his hazy mind to realize just how good hearing those voices is, and when he does, he lunges to a seated position.

“Mi–” and then his best friend, his life, is holding him like Yunho has been longing for. The embrace is so tight and warm, and Yunho curls his arms around Mingi’s body as firmly as he can. He wants to be as close as possible. He doesn’t ever want to let go.

Only a few hours ago, he’d thought he would never see Mingi again. Never see any of them again.

So his eyes flicker over each of his crew members as they reach where they had been stopped in the forest. 

“...You’re here.”

…

They take Yunho home. Jongho has to carry him because Yunho just can’t walk anymore. The youngest looks the saddest he’s ever seen before.

Yunho almost cries when he sees his ship docked near the shore. 

…

They talk a lot. The others do, at least, and Yunho listens in, but his attention keeps fading in and out.

“It was stupid,” Yunho tells them at one point. “I grabbed it before I thought about it.”

Mingi holds his hand the whole time.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you all…”

“I just wanted it to disappear if I ignored it long enough.”

…

Yunho knows the end is coming soon. Every hour it feels like it’s getting harder to breathe. His lungs feel swollen. His chest feels compressed, too tight, leaving no room for any more air. His heart is pounding nonetheless, and each time it beats his teeth chatter in tandem.

Death is closing in on him. When he closes his eyes he can feel himself slipping.

“I think–” he gasps for breath. “I think I’m going now.” 

His voice is quiet. Hoarse. It’s hard to speak now.

“ Not yet , Yunho. You asshole ” Wooyoung is crying. His hands are buried in his eyes, but he keeps pulling back, wiping his tears and staring at Yunho so widely. Like he can’t bring himself to look away for more than a moment.

Mingi is holding Yunho. Burying his face into his chest. Unlike Wooyoung, Mingi can’t seem to lift his head to look at him. “ Don’t, Yunho. Yu–Yunho please . I can’t–” His own sobs are loud and hitched. Near hyperventilating with grief and Yunho just wants to make it better. “I can’t–”

It takes all he has to be able to rest his hand in Mingi’s hair. It’s his left hand because Yunho still can’t seem to move his right hand, his whole right arm, actually, anymore. He scratches his best friend’s scalp.

“Don’t… worry. It will… They’ll take– take care of you,” Yunho breathes. He’s falling.

He just wishes he’d gotten to spend a bit more time with his crew. Three years wasn’t enough. Not for all the great things they were going to accomplish together. He wishes he could see them do it. Even from afar. Even if he could never move his body again. Even if every breath he took was labored. 

To blink away the burning in his eyes, he blinks and sees the universe. The depths of the void. He sees universes and all its colors. He sees Mingi, only twelve years old, holding Yunho’s hand while they run to watch the waves.

He sees Hongjoong, his captain, grinning widely the first time Yunho punches a man in the face. He sees his crewmates, all of them smiling at him when he got back from stealing an entire arsenal by himself.

He opens his eyes a lifetime –but only a second– later, and still, his crew is with him. But this time they aren’t smiling.

His throat is swelling, and the pain in his chest is hot this time. He has no more energy, but somehow he finds it in himself to strangle a whine from his throat. White hot tears are dripping from his eyes and rolling down the side of his face.

He wants to see it one more time.

He’s losing feeling.

Just one more time. Let him see them happy.

All of his friends are looking at him, and he gazes at each one of them.

The universe in Seonghwa’s beautiful red eyes. Hongjoong’s amazing mind, so capable and comforting. Yeosang with his heavenly aura, the beauty in every storm. San’s smile, toothy and sharp when he’s proud of himself. Mingi, the shining sun that dispels any darkness in his heart. Wooyoung, so harsh with his reprimands, and yet still so careful to make sure they’re okay. Jongho, who sees everything that’s never said. The calm that keeps the angry waters still.

They’re so important to Yunho.

“Please… Smile for me?”

.

.

.

.

.

He never did get to finish that book.