Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hot
It’s unbelievably scorching. It’s the only sensation he feels when his mind forcefully is pulled from the painful vision. the second he’s aware of reality he chokes on air and falls to weak knees. He has to put his hands to the ground to stabilize himself as panic overwhelms his chest and a killer migraine just about takes him out of commission completely. Blood is dripping heavily from his nose and his ears are ringing painfully. His body aches as if being tense for a long period of time. The intensity of the vision must have caused something similar to a low grade seizure which isn’t unheard of from major force visions.
Cody is at his side helping him keep his ground and asking if he’s alright but he can’t answer. He’s To overwhelmed.

He’d seen EVERYTHING

he is scared of what it all means, can’t fathom how far the galaxy falls. and he’s also…. Unbelievably pissed off.
He looks up and takes in the empty hallway just outside the council chambers, whispers of the lingering vision make trying to figure out his current timeline a challenge. Echos and shadows merging with his vision of the halls. He’s never heard of of a vision this…. This strong or vivid, let alone multiple lifetimes worth. He’s felt it all. His family become snuffed out in an instant- their light disappearing. Everyone was dead. Cody- he doesn’t know where to begin with that. He can’t look him in the eye. Anakin…. Oh dear

He makes sure his shields are firmly sealed off, can’t have ANYONE knowing the emptiness clinging to his very essence. His vision showing him how he had trained himself to master force suppression and iron shielding to avoid being detected at all costs from living in the desert. It’s all too easy now actually.

But more than any of that he’d seen past events that he had been previously blind to. He’s seen alternative time lines. He’s seen impossible futures full of nothing but lonely isolation and regret. Of others lives.

He’s shivering- could be from him suddenly feeling as if he’s freezing- from shock, or from force exhaustion, or even the lingering sensations of heat searing into his skin. He’s never heard of anyone being attacked by the force as harshly as he just was. That vision swept him off his feet with the intensity. He can tell his own light is wavering from all that he had experienced in an instant. The grief and hopelessness.
If only he had had this vision earlier in life all the tragedy the galaxy- that HE had suffered could have been avoided. Yet the force has never been particularly explainable.
He has half a mind to charge right back through those council door yelling something fierce. But he doesn’t think he’d be able to face any of them after what he just experienced. No. instead he’s going to fix this all himself. Do what that other version of him couldn’t or never had the chance to do. Besides he’s never had much self preservation to care about what happens to him - taking the selfless part of the code to a bit of an extreme. But not today.

Whispering a silent thanks to the force for granting him the chance to fox things, He force suggests Cody to sleep and leaves him in the hall way. He practically charges down the hall with such a ‘don’t bother me’ presence that the few faces that see him avoid him.
He hopes he’s not too late for anakins sake. He’s not even sure WHEN he is anymore, no idea what events have happened here already and what’s yet to come. Just that things need to stop.

He can feel his kyber crystal screeching and vibrating in such a way that makes it almost unbearable to keep it clipped to his belt. It’s like it and his soul are no longer in resonance with each-other. His feet stutter for a moment thinking his crystal is signifying his fall - but no, it’s just not no longer in tune with his tortured soul.

He already has a destination in mind so Instead of dealing with this sith spit of a situation, he steals maces saber when he gets the chance instead. Specifics don’t matter. None of it matters unless he can take out the root of all problems. The plague that has unknowingly taken hold of all he cares about.
With the different saber Clenched in his hand, It also crys out due to not recognizing its wielder. Yet it is more complaint than his own to synchronize movements in the force. There’s a reason maces purple saber is tolerable. Maybe he has fallen a touch or future him had simply gotten used to feeling the pollution of the dark side when the light was snuffed out and could move in tune. It matters not- he’s come to realize from the possibilities of the future that the Jedi were wrong in some things. The dark side isn’t bad, he knows this now- it’s all the kriffing sith polluting in infecting the force and past Jedi law fearing those who took advantage of the negativity. Through pure selfless you could utilize both sides of the coin and still remain pure of heart.
It’s a pendulum, eternally tipped to either side of the scale. The more intensely the light would shine the darker and longer the shadow it casts. You can’t have one without the other. Light without dark, life without death, peace without conflict, chaos without order!
You need BOTH. You just needed to be able to not tip the scale more to favor one over the other then what is necessary. Mace had figured it out, why shouldn’t he be able to use that to his advantage. Just like the Jedi Code, you’re allowed to have possessions and attachments as long as they don’t control your life. To many distort This view.
And truthfully, The same is applied to emotion for BOTH sides. Resist the temptation of being overwhelmed and you will hold grater control and in turn the power available to you. He feels that The force agrees- that this is how things were supposed to be! but Jedi fear of the few that get overwhelmed and the sith who were extremists had made that line murky. His fellow Jedi would think this thought process treasonous but the force says both had never been more right. The force dances as if finally it’s understood and seen. The true potential. It’s making him kind of dizzy.

His head is still radiating pain like no one’s business and he feels faint. The true magnitude of what the force showed him settled deep into his bones. Dread filling every part of his soul. He feels both simultaneously freezing and as if burning alive. Empty yet filled with nothing but pure sensations. Very disconcerting actually.

He is raging, ready to give give that LITTLE WRITHING-…whatever! That jerk is getting A peace of his mind. But his steps slow nearly a third of the way to the senate building. As much As he wants to confront that RAT now, he now realizes would not be the smartest. If he’s lucky the chancellor hasn’t realized he knows the truth. Hopefully he has time. There are too many loose ends if he doesn’t manage to beat the man. Other than the fact he would be outcast by his fellow Jedi (he was for so long… he doesn’t care if it ends that way again. He would deserve the isolation just as much as that other version of him for failing. He would be at peace if he dies trying to fix the galaxy, his life holds no meaning)
But back to the point, if he were to murder anikins mentor and friend- a very powerful and loved political figure- with no proof he would be at just as much risk of falling and going on a Psychotic brake as last time. No he needs to do this right. To save everyone.

He goes back and subtly returns the stolen saber with no one the wiser than goes to a docked ship to hide away in. He can’t stand to be in the recognizable walls of the temple only seeing flashes of death and his quarters are definitely out of the question.
He settled down on the floor in a dark stationary ship. He has some planning to do. He try’s to meditate at first, the swirling storm of panic, rage, and unease NEED to be dealt with. It’s unbecoming of a Jedi to let these feelings fester. Unfortunately he’s still so keyed up and agitated that he unfortunately doesn’t make much headway. This won’t do. He puts forth his focus to being productive rather than give up or falter underneath the weight of reality.

Instead He activates a holo pad and opens a triple encrypted file so he can make notes.

THE VADER FILES.
To do list
- Clone mutiny?
- Anikin
- Asoka framed?
- keep the chancellor ignorant
-

He try’s to think of things to add but the memory’s are starting to blur as all thoughts get hazy. The migraine he’s been staving off via the force finally creeps in fully. Is so forceful that he goes under. Consciousness fades as everything whites out and becomes overwhelming painful.

Chapter Text

He’s struggling. It has been anything but easy to act like nothing has changed when he can barley remember who he is. (He can’t let anyone know something is different or his plans will fall through.) but the fact remains that he no longer feels like “the great master kinobi”… That’s probably been the biggest struggle. Obiwan is not who he is any more but no one else knows that. Obi wan was dead. Had died around the time anikin had fallen in a different timeline. He’s Ben now. Even though those events haven’t come to pass yet- and won’t if he has anything to say about it thank you very much- that doesn’t mean he hadn’t lived through all that torment. He still experienced it even if it was technically second hand. No obi wan was gone- probably had been back sense Qui-gon had died even. Was he ever really Obi wan? Bandameer… midla daan…. He doesn’t know anymore.
He supposed He’s never really been happy - fated for infinit sadness- but with the aid of the force he has found contentment. It took a long time though.

But now the unrest has been difficult to cope with. Luckily he’s had time to come to terms with feeling off kilter. He’s been able to keep steady when interacting with faces long dead or those who were once friendly had stared blankly as they hunted him down. He never blamed the clones. Still doesn’t- how could he hold the betrayal against them? He never figured out what happened but he knows they were not in control of themselves. Regardless, being in close quarters with his faction has been putting him increasingly on edge. What if sidious found out Ben was intending to ruin him and have the clones try and kill him again? He would never see it coming. It’s only been a few days but he KNOWS Cody is getting suspicious that something is off with him. He never gave his commander an explanation the the hallway incident and now with his current paranoia and jumpiness- he knows something is off but he’s too good a man to ask outright.

He hasn’t seen or reached out to Va- anakin yet. Not finding the courage to be able to open that can of worms quite yet. He knows it’s inevitable that they will interact soon, he can’t put off his feelings forever- they are still at war after all. But he’s just not ready to confront that yet. He knows putting it off is most likely a very bad idea but he’s not willing to deal with it yet. So he won’t.

His troop is on an extended solo mission for now. That works well. He’s got a month at most to get a game plan and deal with his feelings. He can do this. He has no choice. - just what he needs, as if his stress levels couldn’t be any higher. At This rate he might just end up having a heart attack.

He’s going over mission details- definitely not avoiding the 212th. He has been distant, purposely being conveniently distracted but staying in the same room to subtly reacquaint himself with everyone.
The chatter a nice background to block out the whispering of his own mind. “-Waxer, really-…..” he doesn’t know what the conversation was and now he can’t follow it at ALL. His mental alarm firing like crazy at nothing but a name. Ben had to swollow down the sudden urge to vomit and instead focused on trying to hide the full body adrenaline shakes threatening to pull him apart.

Waxer was still alive.

That means pong krell hasn’t gotten his claws into the 501 and 212 yet and if he has anything to say about it never will. He can save MORE. More lives. This revelation is huge.

He Nods to the troops and makes a quick escape itching to add that to his growing list. Definitely not to hide away lest he brake down.
Once he’s secured in a private area he has to lean against the wall and heave in air, to not collapse on weakening legs, panic gripping at his mind- heart pounding and head racing. Kriffing krell. He will pay for his crimes against the clones and the Jedi order. He saw the report Rex had given. Him and plo koon has many conversations over the incident. Had been hurt by the injustice but knowing there wasn’t much they could do when 80% of the galaxy didn’t care about these beings they saw as inferior and the fact that krell had been dealt with.
He pulls out his secret data pad holding nothing but his protected files of all things vision related.
He adds another marker with krells name on the main list then opens a separate file list to put any and all relevant information he can remember off the top of his head. This is a future event so there probably isn’t much research he can do outside of his mental records and personal investigation. Unfortunate but it’s manageable. He will keep an eye on the man and watch him closely.

The causality loss in this war has been too great and too taxing on the jedis morals.

Actually that’s a good point….. hmmmm…..
The puzzle pieces start to fit together as an idea takes hold.

He sits down at a table, lights low to keep another building migraine at bay. He pulls out his other (his general one) holo pad and starts going through krells causally reports and compiling data. These are public records so he doesn’t need to worry about questions being asked. He has some time to work on this during their travel to the mission destination- at least a few hours before someone comes to find him for further planning and briefings. He highlights some of the grammar that the man uses that are concerning and marking down stats. He does enough to build a case but doesn’t complete it- wanting who he sends it to, to be able to come to terms with his own findings should he look deeper (and he will, Ben has no doubts)
He sends his research to his other pad to save the data under krells file then writes a letter and sends the same data off to plo koon. The man is too caring of clones to not want to personally investigate this matter further and he’s on the council so he can do so freely. If anyone can deal with this matter with a clear head and with his common interest it’s plo. He trusts him to get to the bottom of krells intentions. Besides It’s better if not everything comes from Ben directly. He will gladly guide and offer little bug nuggets in others ears to guide, less a chance for someone tracing any intentions or see the bigger picture to what Ben is ultimately doing. NO ONE CAN KNOW.
Plos judgment is better than him now anyway- if anyone catches on to the now crazy old man.
The loading bar completes. It’s sent. No going back now.
He lets out a relived chuckle that edges off into slightly unhinged laughter. He is setting the chess board. First piece has been played. The unknown game has been initiated and now there’s now turning back- he. refuses. To. Lose.

Chapter Text

He has been pushing a lot of things off. He’s been a tad overwhelmed by the scale of things that he needs to do and plan. Both for his personal project and for the immediate war effort. Time stops for no one, Sith spit rule that it is. He was massively overworked before the added vision. Pfft it’s fine he’s mastered the ability to keep it together, otherwise he never would have been able to lead the war the way he had. It would be nice though If he had help. Why have one man be the face of the republic anyway?

Whatever- Essentially he doesn’t know where to start and hasn’t really found the peace of mind to even do anything. He’s only really initiated krells downfall but past that he has no idea. Any time he try’s to work on it his mind starts to burn, overwhelming any possible headway he could possibly make. He just can’t think about any of it.
It’s too much.To much.To muchTOMUCH-

Without thinking (and honestly he doesn’t really think it WAS him) he reaches for his light saber. He’s so disconnected- it must be the force, it- it has to be. Because he’s to far gone.

Without any input from him, his saber ignites. The once soft blue seems almost harsh now in his solitary dark room he has definitely not been hiding in. The unresonance uncomfortably scrapes his awareness enough
To bring him back to something more solid.

He doesn’t really know what to do about this but he knows that the crystal reacting like this is going to be distracting. The whole point is that the crystal chooses you.
He’s actually deeply disturbed to think it doesn’t like him anymore.

It’s not like he can make an excuse to go get another one, having your crystal brake or just ignoring it hurts. He can’t do that. He doesn’t know how to FIX it- or fix anything. It’s a complete mess and this small thing might send him over the edge. The force seems to fill him and move his hands for him, almost forcefully pushing him into a semi meditative state as it moves for him. His hands disassemble the casing and he removes the kyber. Holding it directly magnifies its dissatisfaction. But slowly the 2 merge. The kyber flowing in, wisps of its energy poking at the cracks in his being in curiosity. Its energy shifts as it learns how to adapt. The 3 energy’s dance together and merge. Kybers are intelligent but he had no idea the extent of it. Ben had no idea this was possible- he knew that the crystals changed in tune with the pain to red when it comes to the dark side… but this feels different.
He gently pulls from the deep meditation that he was stuck in feeling lighter. His crystal now understanding and had adapted to the mangeled form of his energy. Reality feels right- feels secure in this moment. He takes a deep breath and feels out, the tangled crystal reaches with him. He opens his clenched hands to see - not the familiar blue but an unsuspecting hazy dark blue tinted gray that’s song sings in sorrows. He tilts his head in worry in confusion but a feeling of cold comfort washes through him. He puts everything back together and flips the handle a few times appreciating the familiarity of it in his hands. He sparks it up and is stunned. The blade itself is just as confusing as the crystal. The absence of color in the grayish plasma is completely unheard of but it feels right. It’s both absorbing all light and expelling it as if it can’t decide. No true color- It truly is a pure balance of both light and dark. It kind of hurts to look at actually with how indecisive it’s acting. It’s almost… dull. It’s a dim light. It’s not solid, opacity more reminiscent of fog or viscus liquid. Like it wants to be there but isn’t? Description can do no justice. The weirder thing is how unstable it seems, it’s energy is wavering as if overload even if it appears weak. He waves it around watching the uneven arch.
It’s like instead of a solid beam, it’s as if someone were to draw a line with inconsistent pressure leaving it slightly patchy and it’s not entirely straight. It wiggles and wavers calmly. Not fiery sparks and sputters that shoot off untamed as some might expect from this strange power divergence. For the first time in a long long time he feels centered.

He blinks a few times as he turns it off quickly-ignoring the indigent cry from his connection to the crystal that seems to become sorrowful that he’s hiding it aways After being allowed to be free.
He knows this will cause people to ask a LOT of questions. Ones he doesn’t know the answer to other then it was the will of the force. A lot of people are not going to like this.

This is bad.

This is really really bad- keeping people in the dark in light of this new development just got a whole lot harder. Keeping people at arms length now impossible as they are going to dig to find out the cause. He pulls at his hair a tad manically. What is he supposed to do?! Wisps of the force and his now in tune crystal send waves of sentient serenity and calm, urging him to not push it away. The clashing currents of both relief and anxiety push at eachother making him dizzy and lightheaded.

Maybe He should sleep. Try to rest and feel ok just to stand. But he won’t. To afraid of nightmares- can’t afford to rest- to much to do- to agitated to find rest-

He doesn’t deserve to rest when this massive responsibility rests on his shoulders. Other him lasted ages in a desert “resting” as self punishment so the time for that is over. The galaxy needs action.
He’s scared.

He sits in a corner to meditate instead. And he sits there for ages till someone comes to alert him that they had arrived at their destination. He puts effort into handing the unbearable and unnecessary emotions to the force and focus on dealing with unresolved tensions within him. He needs to slow down or he won’t get anywhere. Needs to bide his time and not panic. He needs to be smart about this. He can’t afford to mess this up.

There’s to much at stake.

One step at a time he’s got this.

If the council has any issues with this new development then oh well, it’s not their problem (they are going to ask why- no one can know no one can know no one can know)
sidious is bound to realize that there is a game afoot. Hopefully he’s not smart enough to make connections. Not ideal but something he couldn’t avoid forever.
He has less time then he would like then.

Let him come. Let the council think what they want. He will not falter. If he’s expelled… well that’s something he’s just going to have to go along with. Nothing will hold him back from saving and salvaging as much as he can.

Chapter Text

The mission so far hasn’t been a complete disaster. Things running relatively smoothly considering the circumstances.

Doesn’t stop the fact that He feels like he’s living 2 lives.
Being secretive to such an extent has been an ongoing battle with his subconscious.

He has taken to spending the nights trying to plan his personal project and the day on dealing directly with the mission he’s been tasked with all while acting as if nothing is any different. Simple.

Cody has been a saint, being the patient
Man that he is. He’s trying his best to help his overly stressed general with no idea as to why. He hasn’t asked about any of it yet but it’s only a matter of time. Not that he thinks he would get a strait answer out of the general.

Cody does not like it when his general is Not taking care of himself.
He’s been helping where he can without overstepping. He has been bringing extra tea, taking initiative in keeping his brothers in order, taking point on the mission briefing and… well all of it really. The last few days have been very concerning. Ever since they gave their last report to the Jedi council and his general had collapsed… he’s had this strange frantic appearance going. Usually the man is calm but there’s just something… off.
He’s seen the way the general subtlety will jump at shadows, the increasing paranoia over every small detail, it’s like the man’s mind is unraveling in some way.
He seems nervous about something and it’s causing him to lose sleep, to not eat- Cody just wants him to slow down for like 5 seconds. It has to be stress related right? Or is his little force voodu acting up?
Whatever is going on is making his general not feel safe. He’s so… jumpy and not at ease. It’s very disconcerting because it’s so unlike the man.

Maybe he should contact one of the other Jedi to check in on him? He seems so uncomfortable around everyone maybe someone force sensitive will be able to figure out what’s wrong.

He will give it a bit more time, maybe it’s the mission. Or the overall war. Cody will just help where he can and maybe he will get some answers without intervention.

Chapter Text

People are starting to get suspicious- he can tell. They have to be! There’s no way no one hasn’t. It’s only a matter of time before someone calls him out on it. He has to believe he isn’t making anything up. He’s not crazy! He can’t be a product of his own undoing- there’s still too much to do! No stopping. Not until the galaxy is safe from that vile filth that has his dirty hands barried in politics with none the wiser.

He’s running out of time, he needs to get things in motion- to finish setting up the board. Is he being watched? He can’t be sure- the force to clouded to be able to tell.

“Sir, you have an incoming message from general plo koon?”
“Right. of course, I’ll be right there” he pulls the crumbling fragments of him mind together enough to function. His anxiety’s set aside to deal with later

“Ah master Obiwan, I thought it wise to update you on the situation you turned my way. Your provided information was utterly concerning and we took action. Krell has undergone intenseive interrogation and was Found guilty of turning.”
Ben takes in the information in and Nods. good good. That’s one thing to cross off his ever growing list. The first pawn to be stolen. And that creature no longer able to hurt his people.

“What happened to him” he asks in curiosity. Plo has the audacity to pretend to be confused “whatever do you mean?” Ben raised an eye brow “so you didn’t deal with him? Personally?” plo just stares back playing the innocent. “It is unbecoming of a Jedi to take revenge. I didn’t hurt him… physically” Ben internally smirks. Of course plo would do something under the books for that slime who dared lay a hand on the man’s self appointed children. He probably did some force influenced psychological horrors or something. Good, he deserved it.

The moment passes. Plo speaks again and brings his attention back from the deep recesses of his mind “May I ask…What made you catch on?”

He freezes. Kriff.

This is exactly what he was afraid of. “Just was going through some paperwork and the force showed me some discrepancies. I’m glad all worked out.”hopefully that was convincing enough. now to deflect. Ever the negotiator to keep things moving. “Have you asertained as to why? I had no idea he planned to turn against us just that something seemed off”
The masked Individual sighs deeply as if troubled “He intended to ally with dooku and become his apprentice”
Ben has to hold back his reaction and remain outwardly neutral but he very much wants to scoff or start laughing.
Pfft, joining dooku? Fools errands honestly. It never would have worked out for him. He probably would have been killed. Ventriss was a prime example. There can only be 2 sith so really what did krell expect? What an idiot
“Is that so? How unfortunate.”
Plo nods solemnly “a tragic loss”
Ben is starting to lose grip on his composure. Yeah. Hehe tragic loss. AS IF. This is the best news he’s heard all week. He’s struggling to keep a grin off his face.
Plo though catches on “is something the matter?”
He waves it off, grin finally splitting across his face no longer able to contain the urge “no not at all. just feels like we are headed in the right direction is all”. His eye twitches, he can FEEL plo searching him over. Picking him apart. His grin tightens into something more defensive. He’s FINE.
He’s getting antsy under the scrutiny. He’s judging him isn’t he? Does master koon think he can’t be trusted anymore? His faith in krell may no longer exist but what if plo decides the same applies to HIM?

He eyes at the image with a twinge of distrust but quickly shakes the lingering whispers away. No, plo is a good friend. He wouldn’t have gone to him with this issue if they didn’t trust one another. No need to become over obsessive over something that wasn’t even an issue.
He still can’t help the feeling of being watched though. Is he really? Has the council found out he’s going slightly Rouge? Crazy? Had sidious caught on? 

Everything is fine. Breathe. Trust the force, it’s on your side.

Plo turns to the sides as if addressing someone out of veiw “I apologize, I must cut this meeting short. Commander Wolffe needs me. If you need ANYTHING do not hesitate to call. This war takes too much. May the force be with you” he gives a deep look as if trying to convey something but it’s lost on Ben as the holo closes down and he quietly repeats the words to the air. He has nothing to worry about… right?

Chapter Text

There’s something he’s missing and can’t for the life of him figure out what
Something just out of reach and anytime he try’s to concentrate on it, it escapes his grasp

It feels so incredibly important and it’s irritating him. The force hasn’t been much help in supplying information. Has been silent actually. He won’t admit it but that kind of scares him. So far the force had been clinging to him but the last few days it slipped away. He doesn’t like it. Gives him one of those bad feelings he gets before things go wrong- except there IS NO influence to alert him that something is off. It’s just gone.
Too much like that life in the desert where he had hid from the force.
Maybe it’s the force itself or some dark manifestation but a small voice in the back of his head says that it’s his desperation. He was desperate then to not be found and he’s feeling that same way now. Is he subconsciously pushing it away? What does it mean if he is? Or has he finally cracked under the pressure of his own expectations? Can he stop? Is any of this even real? Can he really trust he’s doing the right thing? What if palpatiene found out and is somehow controlling him, did HE put that vision in his head? Better yet, is the master Sith playing with him and making him THINK it’s the chancellor? What if he’s got it all wrong- had jumped to conclusions too quickly.
What if it’s mual who’s playing with him just wanting him to suffer needlessly. To make him think he has a chance to fix things just to rip it away last second.
Wait
….mual…..
There’s that itch again. He focused in hard, trying to bring that evasive thought to the surface when it hits him like a 13 ton brick wall that takes the air out of him. He physically recoiled as a painful shock shoots through his nerves.

SATINE

That’s what he had been missing!

He starts pacing erratically. The full power of his mind instantly consumed with trying to figure out how to deal with this new challenge.
He needs plans to stop death watch’s influence on mandolor. NOW. But how? He’s one person. He can’t get involved AS a Jedi - treatie violations and all that nonsense. That’s what stopped them the first time. And the second time….
Could he really justify risking everything and ruining his chances of keeping anakin in the light just to defect (how many time does he have to do this) and help one woman under the table.
He very well Might have to chose between the 2.
Thinking on it, He wasn’t much help the last time he went alone to try and help- had gotten her killed. But if he can go BEFORE things had gotten to that point of no return…
He can’t act unrationally
Besides if he just showed up and stared causing chaos satine would probably have wayyy too many words to say about his methods.

Some of her extremist peacekeeper ideals were counter intuitive and down right annoying even If he mostly agrees with it. So determined to remain NEUTRAL. he can’t keep her SAFE that way
His jaw is clenched so tightly, he tries to shake his head to lessen the intensity of his emotions but he just bites out a frustrated sound instead.

What does he do?

He spends the rest of the night like this, the endless back and forth. when morning comes and his duty’s need attending to he’s still too frazzled to be of much use.

He doesn’t want to, but this whole new slew of issues will have to be put on the back burner until he makes more steady headway dealing with the Sith. because in all honesty it’s not something that he will have a solution to anytime soon so he should really refocus his efforts.
Doesn’t make it any easier though

Chapter Text

He has one card that he can play that he has doubts he can pull off. It relies on the fact that he has complete understanding of the situation. It would be an ace that no one would see coming. It’s imparitve that it stays that way. It’s a risky move but a valuable one. Lose ends would be severed

He needs to be smart about this. Handel it with the upmost caution. One wrong move and it’s over. He needs to be 102% certain this will not back fire under any circumstances.
He needs to assure himself he’s mentally stable enough to make this choice.
He could be risking EVERYTHING just by entertaining this insane plan he’s been concocting.

He’s never felt more stupid- it’s reckless… a horrible idea really. but it could work. A large piece on his ever growing chess board that if he bides his time, could be forgotten about.

It’s Dooku. Of COURSE it’s dooku. The man fell because he was dissatisfied with the Jedi council. Had originally left to do things his way. To do for his family what they were not willing to do or see for themselves. Qui-gon probably played a large part into him actively falling pray to the dark side. But there has to be some of his grandmaster still in there.

He HAS to believe that this could work. If not then the game is over before it’s even really started.

Thinking back to his conversation with his grandmaster on geonosis has him spinning a whole bunch of possibilities. Yes he could have been lied to… but. He has a vague inclination that he wasn’t. He just has to trust that this is the right call

He sneaks away from camp, it’s the dead of night and with the aid of the force he sneaks past any of his clones keeping watch. He trecks miles on foot. He can’t have this be traced.
He makes a call hoping he isn’t making the biggest mistake of his life.
He’s almost surprised he picked up at all

“Ahhh. Kinobi to what do I owe the pleasure?” He has this mocking tone that just leaves Ben unamused.
Not wanting to waste time bantering back and forth he gets right to business, he has to many other things he needs to do tonight before morning comes “Back on geonosis, do you remember our conversation?”
“Come to your senses have you?” The older man is smirking all too satisfied with himself. Ben just stares down the holo projection. Eventually the man sighs “did you have any particular reason to wasting my time? Or are you finally going to realize I’m right.”
Ben is trying to hold back he really is, but the urge to snarl at the other man about all his failures is all consuming. He keeps his tone even “I will Nither join you nor deny you.”
The count starts to visibly get irritated “I have acquired indisputable facts and information regarding your Sith master you had alluded to. I know you intend to betray him. I suggest we work together. All I want is to stop him, he’s After my student and I won’t stop at anything to keep that from happening. Besides wouldn’t you like to see your family again?” He tilts his head to the side with an innocent and disarming smile as if he didn’t just pull the biggest FU card he could have possibly come up with.

The count glares at him but Ben is far too senile for it to have any effect.
“You know nothing kinobi” the man growls out deep and gruffly, years wearing down on him.
Ben chuckles darkly and that alone has the counts eyes twinkling in confusion and unveiled interest “oh dooku… I know EVERYTHING. and more.” He shrugs “Now, are you going to decide to make amends for all your poor decisions and help me or are you going to die?”

“Those are some lousy options… grandpadawan” he says in resignation, he seems crestfallen. Like he feels he has no other options. Good. “I take it then you’re on board?” Count dooku nods, glaring tiredly off to the side. “I need you to keep this little alliance from sidious. It’s important he doesn’t know what I’m up to. I can’t stress this enough. He can’t see either of us coming so you understand?” The count studies him for a moment “what has gotten into you?” Ben has to pause and think. What answer would the other accept? “Maybe… a story for another time.” Dooku raises an eyebrow “holding secrets now? How surprising.” Ben sighs deeply. He’s exhausted and this battle of wit is draining him faster than he would have liked. He looks around at his surroundings. He should be heading back if he wants to make it in time for today’s meeting. No sleep yet again. He’s still looking off into the distance and softly addresses his old grandmaster “Dooku I need you to deal with the clones. Find out if they can be mind controlled and ways to prevent it. Any means necessary. Fast and quick for all of them. Please” he internally cringes at the crack in his voice. It’s quiet for a long time and he still refuses to look at dooku knowing the searching, suspicious, and judgmental look he would undoubtedly be receiving. “I’ll look into it, I Promise nothing though.” Ben nods “that’s all I can ask. Remember keep it on the down low” the older man scoffs, yellow/blue holo eyes rolling “I’m no fool” Ben smirks lightly down at the image. It’s nice to have the part of Qui-gon back in his life. “Until next time” count dooku nods sharply then disconnects.
Ben drops his communicator and crushes it to erase the call log. He will just tell anyone who asks that it got misplaced when he was out meditating this morning.

He mentally crosses off dooku and the clones issues off his to do list. He has no doubt that the man will get to the bottom of his task. He’s got both money and resources. This is a big chunk that’s been taken off his shoulders. And dooku? It would be nice to save him. He’s not sure anyone else would agree but Ben really doesn’t care about specifics.

With that he starts heading back to camp. Hopefully they can last a few more days of this standstill before a battle brakes out. He’s still trying to play catch up and set up. That and maybe he’s trying to avoid people finding out about his very noticeably different light saber.

His gaze hardens at the view of the horizon on this random planet. Ok then Sidious… it’s your move.

Chapter Text

The force ripples once again. He keeps his facade firmly in place even though he wants to tear all these useless senators to shreds. Another meeting, ugh.

Another rift is appearing in the force. Normally he would welcome these rifts but this one was not caused by him. He doesn’t know what it is. It feels. Hostile? Is that the right term for this? He can’t pin it down. It’s definitely not good that’s for sure. Like a dreadful storm brewing on the horizon that you know you should prepare for. And that is unacceptable. He’s Not a fan of not knowing what’s going on, having always been in control.
HE is in charge. So what out there is going on without his say so? Maybe he should mess with kinobi and Anakin to lift his spirits? It is his favorite past time after all. The force quakes again more insistent off to the side of his consciousness. Something is coming.
Should he be worried?
Nah

Later that night the stir in the force is keeping him in unrest. This big comfy bed and he can’t sink into it as he normally does. He’s losing sleep over whatever termite it is out there mucking up his plans!
He starts imagining all the ways he could get his revenge. Thinking up new and creative ways. Pain and suffering…. Hmmm how nice.

As annoying this new development is he’s kinda actually excited about it. A challenge. He hasn’t had that in a LONG time. Granted he knows without a shadow of a doubt that he will win. We still has his cover and a multitude of other things to his advantage. Doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy this little triage. Amusement starts to fill him. He wishes to see this new advisory squirm.
But he can’t enjoy this amusement much further. He growls deeply and turns over in his bed. the force keeps poking at him irritatingly. As if reluctantly warning him to take this seriously. Pfft how pathetic.
The force can’t tell him what to do- it’s his to control not the other way around.

He will hire some assassins to try and kill him so he can secretly crush them in the force to let off some steam. Something is afoot and he can’t figure out how to feel about it. It’s entirely unacceptable.
Let them try. Let them lose
He’s come to far for any flys to get in his way

Chapter Text

He’s in the strategy tent pacing back and forth staring through the data pad
He’s getting more and more frustrated at his lack of progress In Solving everything and this blasted war is taking up so much time.
He’s taken a page from ankins book and had been going on a bit of an aggressive tactic spree.
He’s not much care for his own being, as long as they can just get everything done. He knows his clone troops are not all that impressed at his lack of tact recently. But if he can overtake these missions quickly then he will have more time inbetween to actually put noticeable effort into cutting off the blight from the source.

His monthly deadline has nearly ran out.

He squints blurry eyes trying to decode with words that meld and blend together in hieroglyphs. He can’t concentrate on it enough to be able to form actual words. Force he needs a nap. He’s still trying to hold focus enough to process the words when Cody enters the tent

5 minutes previous*

The holo com connects “General” Cody solutes, as formal as ever.
“Commander Cody? you usually only call me personally when Obi wan is having another bout of lack in self preservation. What is it this time?” General Skywalker smirks. He learned it all from somewhere.
Cody takes a moment too long to try and formulate how to word it all and Anakin catches on. He straightens up his posture into something more serious. “It’s just… he’s more stressed than usual. And he’s acting…. Like the stress is braking him? Honestly if you’d have seen him you’d think he hasn’t slept since the beginning of the war.” Anakins face twists up. Why can’t his master take a brake instead of feeling like he needs to be personally responsible for everything?
Anakin goes to say something but is cut off because apparently Cody had more to say
“Also…do lightsabers uh… change color? I hope im not getting him in trouble but that means nothing good right?”
Anakin stands there shell shocked “What?”
“It’s just… not normal, but I don’t think it’s anything bad? Could you check in on him maybe?”
He nods and Cody keeps the line open, taking the communicator with him to find his general, intending to not let his Jedi get out of finally explaining what is going on.

Present time*

Ben is covering his strained eyes trying to rub away the burn of staring at something too long.
Cody’s clipped tone filters in from the front. He waves at him to continue but keeps rubbing at his eyes and trying to make the words on the screen just make sense.
“General, Skywalker wishes to speak with you” he doesn’t even have time to blink in surprise.

“Hey master-“ he keeps talking but words hold no meaning. Something about reports? Maybe?
Ben still has his back turned, paralyzed at his very voice not even catching the words or even the friendly concerned tone only hearing I hate you echoing loudly in his ringing ears
He hardly is able to choke out in an almost passably stable tone that doesn’t betray the ice cold fear freezing him in place. Internally begging to not trip up on the name. “Sorry a-anikin I have been quite busy and I still have more work to do, good luck on your missions but I need to go.” He catches a worried “wait!” Before he used the force to close the holo.

This is bad, if that’s how he reacts to just the voice how is he going to face the younger man when they return to curosant? And now he is definitely going to track Ben down and bug him about what’s bothering him. Force help him.

He ignores Cody’s passing look of disappointment and pushes him out telling him that he’s busy.

Once the man is gone, full body shivers start threatening to tear him apart. About 5 minutes later Cody returns with a cup of tea and just gives him that stern no business look daring him to fight back. Ben concedes knowing this is one battle he won’t win. He isn’t a fan that cody is witnessing this lapse in his usual control but he knows his commander has his back covered. As he drinks his tea and finally sits for the first time all day- he starts to feel off. Reality seems almost too fluid to grasp and he feels more light headed by the second. His nerves are still buzzing with unresolved adrenaline and anxiety that normally happens when he deals with any stressful Anakin related things. It feels wrong and he doesn’t like it.
He chances a look at his commander who in the time they had been in the tent together, had relocated to a seat off to the corner near by when he refused to leave him alone again. who currently looks all to happy with himself right now.
His throat itches.
He looks down, inspecting the half empty tea that he was using to try and ground himself.
“Cody.” He clears his throat at how scratchy it sounds “did you poison me?” Cody looks up from whatever he was working on “no sir, not poison. But I did just give you a sedative. Enjoy your rest. The 212 will keep an eye out for you”

Ben is not happy about this.

Chapter Text

Maybe it’s spite. If you ask him it’s purely unrelated. But Cody also should have known better than pick a fight with his stubborn general. Now they are stuck out in space longer than anticipated. No one is outright complaining about back to back missions, no reason given as to why. too loyal… but it’s not exactly easy to hide your disappointment from someone who can literally feel everyones emotions.

They had packed up and left one very lengthy and strenuous planetary mission and were scheduled to go back to curosant after having been gone for so long. Apparently the resupply trip would be put on hold and the 212 battalion would have to bare with the anticipation of a few non conflict days a bit longer.
Because instead of advancing as planned, Ben instead told navigation to go the opposite direction. Against orders, Go figure.

Yes Cody, this is what you get for drugging him… oh and they are going to interfere with some stuff. Details blah blah blah

The navigator is headed towards a system that unknowingly to all but 1 is about to undergo a great tragedy. Originally conflict had arose on the capital planet and the natives had pleaded for aid. The Jedi were spread too thin and too far away to arrive in time before separatists had swung in, first come first serve, helping them in exchange for their allegiance in the war. A valuable asset. Ben plans to be conveniently in the area. Cut off that possibility before anyone else can take advantage of it. If they can gain this systems support then he can start making real headway into making massive changes.

It would be a crutch yes, but one the opposing side wouldn’t have.
He’s not fool enough to think that his new shaky alliance with dooku will have any effect on the older man’s tampering with the war. A means to an end. He is only asking for aid with the clones and taking down the Sith Lord. knowing that asking for anything further would be denied and likely laughed at. Not only would a sudden stand still would put too much of a target on his meddling. Even if the man is willing to consider helping, in the end he is still dealing with a Sith. Granted it’s One who had wanted Obi wans help in the first place to help in dealing with sidious and his down fall. But that was it.
Dooku, when he originally extended his offer maybe held the hope that a grandmaster could reconnect with what was left of his own student. To utilize the younger man. After all he’s only heard how effective he is.
Ben Knows dooku is resistant. The man wants obiwan to be on HIS side, HE wants to be the one calling the shots. Hehe, but in reality it’s the other way around. Dooku has to know he has no other option

There has to be some part of dooku that isn’t twisted and mangled. His willingness to help the Jedi by association of helping Ben could potentially make him see his wrongs. To come home.
But who wouldn’t be Reluctant to admit his mistakes and abandon what he’s been working towards for years? Ben probably understands this more than anyone. He had his self appointed exile to thank. All that time post the extermination had left him feeling guilty and over criticize where he went wrong.
But saying so will probably not help any so he will just have to trust the force that reconnecting will help bring Tyrannus to see reason.

———
it’s the night before the call will be made. They have been floating aimlessly for hours now just waiting. Everyone on board getting antsy at not knowing what the Jedi is doing or playing at. He knows they are impatient and it’s only feeding his own agitation. He can’t go planet side yet, not without probable cause. It’s a delicate situation that he’s playing with here.
He feels like he’s not doing enough, not making enough progress. This feeling is exactly why he decides to oversee this on his own, this needs to work. He can assure for himself that things happen the way he wants. Yes, He could have alerted the temple and had others come deal with the soon to be situation but that just adds to many unknown variables. He knows logically he can’t be everywhere and overseeing everything all at once but it would certainly help matters.

Imagine his surprise when the call comes early.
Alarms sound off, startling him out of his doze, practically drooling over his notes. He shoots up searching for danger thinking he was found out. Had Vader come for him? Where is he? Huh…?
Someone rushes past his door and backtracks enough to yell through before racing off again “General Kenobi we Are receiving a distress call.”
He blinks harshly trying to reorient himself before grabbing his saber and making haste to the bridge. Knowledge flowing through his head.
Cody seems to see him before he even enters. The room a flurry of activity around them as Cody hands him a data pad with an information readout on it about what they are dealing with. “By chance is This because of your force vibes?” Ben rolls his eyes and smirks at his commander “I think you very well know the answer to that”
They share a look then get to work. Ben has the passing thought of how much he missed the easy camaraderie.

He delegates then sets off for a ship to take him down. Cody automatically follows. He raises his eyebrow as he looks back. Cody just gives him a long suffering look. He looks nearly as stressed as Ben has since his eyes were opened. “sir I’m slightly offended you would think we wouldn’t follow you into any altercation as normal” Cody shrugs and keeps at attention. Ben just sighs. Ok maybe the whole petty thing over the sedated tea incident is getting out of hand. No matter, more help the better.

Ben fades back into recession as they walk to the hangers. His posture straightened gradually as his old confidence fills and centers his soul. the people need Kenobi right now and Kenobi he will be.

Once they land, they get swept up into a wave of activity. Relief groups spreading out to recover the locals and gain control of the situation immediately. Kenobi and Cody rush off to find the chief who had made contact, hands hovering over their eyes to cover from the harsh spray of heavy sheets of rain. A rather inconvenient storm rearing its head. Whatever timing the galaxy has isn’t very funny.

Once they locate him they get somewhere secure to be briefed. Kenobi doesn’t have much information to go off of other then knowing there was a crisis and no one could make it before they lost any chance of this planet making contact. He listens in rapt attention trying to make out what he can through a language he doesn’t know. Through a lot of pointing and panicked clicking grunts apparently.
The message gets across regardless.

He’s seen something like this before when he was left on a planet in the midst of civil war. Had seen the turn of people. The 2 tribes joining against the kids.
He knows when he sees beings who feel slighted and lash out in aggression. He remembers how Vader had wanted him to feel the pain as he did and drag him through fire. Remembers every single negotiation that had failed because someone found one thing they couldn’t accept. Nations crumbling in result. Here - There’s a small group of rouges that are trying to destroy some sort of religious building. Kenobi, ever the man to want to preserve historic entity’s… and help the people, that to. By his guess this small group had banded together to destroy something that the opposition would be devastated by the loss. He’s seen it all before. But now he’s older and can do something about it. These insurgents must be dealt with. At least here things haven’t gotten drastic yet, this is only the first attack. They can resolve this before war brakes out on this untouched ball.

Without further ado he scales the cliff side to reach the monastery. The rocks are incredibly slippery but he pays no mind.
This task isn’t as significantly off putting as he was expecting.
The band of aggravators are quickly dealt with and after no more then an hour he’s making his way back down

All to easy

Matters resolved. He can breath for now.
Turning to the shorter creature that is the designated leader he goes full negotiator mode. “Can I assume that you would be willing to join with the republic?”
The man nods and speaks in his native tongue. He doesn’t need to understand he knows he’s won. He bows his head and starts moving away. Cody sauntered up to his side, one step back- his usual position. “That went well. Although usually you’re less forward” Kenobi shrinks into himself a bit, Ben pulling back to the surface in shame. “Hmmm I suppose you have a point.”

One of the other clones moves up to them. They stumble a bit, spinning on wet soil to avoid falling and tripping over one of the local kids who just darted in front of him. Once he’s assured he has their attention he is quick to salute. “Incoming call from the temple sir. They have been asking where we have been. They wish to speak with you. We also have new orders to start relocating to the next 3 systems over to help aid some other Jedi who could use reinforcements”

Ben fires up the holo table ready to face the council. He’s done no wrong so he sees no reason to act like it.
Yoda’s voice filters through after greetings had been made
“Explain the unsanctioned call, you will” Ben hums “no I don’t think I will. It’s a good thing I was in the area when I was. Just imagine what tragedy’s could have become of this planet without our aid.”
“Here to discuss that, we are not. Explain orders ignored” he has to resist to roll his eyes. To nosy. “The force told me I was needed in this direction, is that reason enough?”
Yodas disapproval is palpable and this time it’s mace who speaks “Master Kenobi we Are at war, we can’t afford time for side quests. You’re lucky there was an emergency near you. We need you stocked back up and refueled after next rotation. People still need your help.” Ben takes in a long slow breath. He knows the council means well, and is trying its best to keep this war from being drawn out… but he just can never catch a brake can he. Next thing he knows Anakin and ahsoka will probably be calling for a bail out.
He still has a multitude of battle plans to draw up at and send out across the Jedi before they make it to the next battle zone and he really doesn’t want to deal with council business today so he hangs up. He’s in a decent mood and this is ruining it.
Off to go think some more- it’s a wonder his brain hasn’t melted

Chapter Text

Being on curosant is weird. Every second he’s waiting for the moment that everything in the force will screech then fall scilent as it’s snuffed away. For the dark tidal wave to wash over and rip away everything he cares about. There’s an increasingly annoying itching deep in his brain as he looks around half expecting to see force ghosts and dead body’s.

Unfortunately he Can’t flee this time around. There is No panic frenzied mind to keep him occupied till he leaves the planet again. No rageful urges to destroy palpatine (no more then the usual anyway). No ship to hide in so his feet can’t touch the ground of a planet that in memory had been lain with blood.
It all Leaves a bad taste in mouth.
He has to keep reminding himself that hasn’t come to pass yet. That going to the temple isn’t a death sentence.
Too bad he’s expected at the temple in a few hours for summons to a council meeting. How he’s going to be able to concentrate is beyond him.
Maybe he should go visit Dex before hand? He is usually able to always lift his spirits. There is also the added bonus that Ben could maybe ask advice from the other and Dex wouldn’t even a blink an eye at any of the insanity that might slip through.
It’s not like it would hurt anything and it sure beats wondering around and getting spooked every 3 seconds. He feels exposed here.

He ditched the crew, trusting they will handle attending to the resupply just fine without his oversight and heads off into the city.

Something nudges at the edge of his awareness and he is quick to grab the wisp and track its source. It feels so familiar. He chases it, needing it like a fish to water.
He’s out of breath as he jogs into their view, completely overwhelmed by emotions. His feet hesitate for briefest of seconds right before The woman sees him out of the corner of her eye and turns to wave him over with a bright grin. He resumes his needy charge into their space and quickly drags the two humanoids into a frantic hug. He is clinging to both of them, assuring to himself that this is real. Deep rumbling vibrations from the taller of the 2 soothing to his crying anguished soul “Woah- ok. Hello to you to” warm and comforting arms pull him into a more comfortable hug- he’s too reluctant to pull away. The warmth chasing off the bone deep cold that dread had been basking in. It must seem pathetic but he doesn’t care. Not in the slightest.
He can’t explain what he’s feeling right now other that to say he never wants to it end.

He squeezed just a bit tighter before finally releasing them after it goes far past socially acceptable for a Jedi in a public setting. Blinking away tears he takes in the blurred faces of the 2 senators, much younger and carefree (respectively) than he ever remembered. The water in his eyes reflecting light, making them almost glow in the light of the sun.
He nods apologetically at padme and bail but the relieved grin on his face is unmovable.
They both share a look that he doesn’t even care to try and interpret- to busy looking them both over, searing details into his memory’s just in case. He never wants to forget them.

Padme reaches a hand forth indecisive, to put her hand on his shoulder maybe? but it hovers in between as if asking for permission “are you ok? You’re not normally so open to such displays” she pulls back startled as He lets out a sharp gasp of laughter that sounds suspiciously to close to a sob, the feelings in his chest swirling in a confused storm bursting forth unpredictability. He subtly wipes a tear away when the water overflows in his glazed eyes but he knows that Nither had missed the motion. “Yes. Yes I’m quite alright. Just really happy to see some friends I have not seen in long time. Longer than you know.” He feels like he’s about to float away. He’s shaking. And not unnoticeably so.

Bail steps closer and lays a heavy grounding hand across his shoulders and pulls him protectively against his side, escorting and leading him as the three walk together. He doesn’t fight it, to busy riding the high of seeing friends he had missed oh so dearly.
He lets their presence fill and tangle with his own as he begins to feel more tangible, the static in his Fingers lessening.
He’s a bit confused on what’s going on but he just lets it all happen.
The shaking continues, the tears he didn’t let fall draining into his nose. Gross- to keep his little lapse in composure he uses his sleeve rather than to audibly sniff. Yes they are in a relatively loud area right now but with the close proximity they would be bound to notice. He knows internally that he’s losing this fight on crying and he hates it.

He blinks a few times, coming back into awareness and realized that they are no longer outside. His whole body tenses unintentionally and he knows bail feels the change. He’s not surprised to have such a visceral reaction to being inside the senate building. He try’s to reign in the urge to growl or something- to throw a fit- and instead scans critical eyes in high alert through the room searching for anything out of place. He’s still incredibly uncomfortable, that safe feeling is gone now. They are in bails office room so technically he should be fine- bail is trustworthy. Still though, that oil slick sensation of near by Sith grates on him. It’s unsecured.

“Obi wan?” He flicks eyes over at padme. Right. They don’t know. He heaves in a slow controlled breath of air and gives her a fake smile to assure her as he nods. Not able to find his voice quite yet. Neither of his new companions look convinced.
He races through possible excuses but his mind is short circuiting from the over stimulation.

Bail pushes him towards a chair instead, always seeming to read him. Bail knows that pushing will probably only make things worse. He leaves padme to fret over their friend who seems far too distant from his usual self and grabs some alcohol that he had stashed away for long days. The drastic mood changes are very concerning but Obi wan has always been a man of unrevealing words and even less receptive to any tossed his way. The untouchable man seems more fragile than bail ever thought possible. Dare he say broken.
What happened on his last mission to turn him like this?

He guides the man’s hand around a glass to give him something to hold and passes one to padme as well. Drinking probably isn’t in their best interest but boy does Obi wan look like he needs one. Bail is already not liking the idea of the man being alone, but he knows that he has duty’s to attend to and will so without fail. Looking him over the best word to describe him would be worn down. He looks dead on his feet, dirty and greasy. His cheeks are less fuller than he did the last time. This all pales in comparison to the hollowness in his expression.

After some quite drinking, attempting to ease the Jedi to relax or at least be less on edge and withdrawn (unsuccessfully)
He pulls Padmé aside, he doubts that obi would overhear when he seems so lost in his head acting as if he’s seen a ghost.
“Well… this is unusual” he has no idea how to put whatever this is into words. She nods and looks back at Obi. “This Just seems very sudden. I get that he has been away for awhile but i have a feeling this is deeper then we could ever imagine” bail thinks for a moment “do you think Anakin would know anything?” She shakes her head no “no sorry, last I heard they haven’t seen eachother for a few months, missions taking them in opposite directions. And from my understanding Obi has been radio silent recently. I’m afraid we won’t get any answers there.” Bail runs a hand through his hair. “Ok. I-”
There’s rustling from the desk and they look over to see a determined Obi wan writing something down. He looks deeply concentrated. Only braking focus to obsessively search the ceiling corners every few seconds. This is deeply concerning behavior.
“Hey buddy what are you doing?” Man bail feels almost like he’s talking to a child with how gentle he try’s to be. Obi is so erratic he might as well be some sort of untamed creature. He looks up at him for a brief second then continues writing “just give me a sec”

They watch him write in an almost frenzied rage in fascination. This is so not like Obi wan and both bail and padme are at a complete loss. When he finishes he swooshes over, cloaks bellowing from the air. He shoves the paper into Padmes chest with a manic grin, smiling with way too many teeth. “Padme dear, I need you to upload this encrypted code for me. Anonymously if you will” He looks up as if trying to remember something. “Maybe Have one of your aids send it down a few lines and levels. Just don’t have anyone directly close to you post it” he nods in finality leaving her floundering trying to catch up to the light speed of his current attention span as he is already turning to address bail now whispering in a low tone. She looks down at the paper confused only seeing scribbles that don’t even appear to make real words. She looks over, wide eyed at bail who looks equally out of depth. “Bail I need you to do me a favor. Do everything in your power to get Anakin away from the chancellor, maybe even try to get him to distrust him. He’s a bad influence but he’s never been receptive to my warnings. It would be more effective coming from somebody that’s not me”
Ok this is going too far, their friend obviously needs some serious help.
“Obi wan…” bail says it so sadly and it brakes Padmés heart - it shatters watching the shorter man tilt his head in genuine confusion, messy floppy red strands of hair brushing against his eyes. She hardly recognizes him. The put together man they know is gone, no trace of that left. Just this unstable husk that has to be suffering some sort of mental breakdown.

“Kriff could you stop looking at me like someone just kicked your kids loth cat?”
Bail chuckles lightly at Obi, not wanting to spook him off “cursing now are we Kenobi?” He received an all to happy wink that feels out of place. “Times are changing what can I say” Obi wan glides over to the desk to grab the abandoned bottle and pours some of the strong liquid into the glasses that were left behind in another round. He uses his force abilities to aid in getting the glasses over steady and without spillage. “Friends, it’s has been far too long since I have had a chance to commune with you both. Please forget this nonsense and just let me enjoy this.” Bail takes one of the cups gracefully “of course” he gives Padmé a look to just roll with it for now. She reached out and grabbed her own. Uneven smile hiding away worry.
He throws back his shot and sets his glass aside and claps his hands together. “Alright I have some business to attend to. I’m truly grateful for the opportunity to spend time with you both once again” Why does it feel like those words hold more weight then they could ever imagine “I trust you both will give my asked favors some consideration. I must be going now”
The minty breeze of a force suggestion lightly pulls at her conscience. She will do the favor asked of her. She puts her scribbled note protectively in her pocket till she can send it off as asked.

He leaves all too quickly.

“Bail… what just happened?” “Hmmm. I honestly couldn’t tell you” she sighs “1 problematic Jedi is more than enough. Anakin is hard enough to work with and now this? How long do you think we should let this fester and sort out before we need to get involved?” Bail grabs the cups and puts everything away “it’s hard to say. In all my dealings with him he has always been one to shy away from concern. I have a feeling he won’t be receptive to any offered help unless he initiates it himself. I think the fact he asked for something as strange as it seemed is something he needs” she nods and picks at her finger nail. “I have ani keep me updated, there are usually pretty close. If whatever is going on with him progresses I will personally drag him to get proper help.”

Chapter Text

His impromptu visit to the seneat building had refired his paranoia to a whole new level. He’s terrified but also a strange strain of glee is lingering. His little note plan was kind of thought up on the spot and very unconventional but he certainly doesn’t regret it. A coded message for the underworld putting a hit out on the chancellor. A call to any assassin or bounty hunter interested. He wants the man distracted and maybe he will get lucky with the man actually dying but he doubts it will be that easy. Still, he wants the man to be nervous- make mistakes. Be on his toes. He wants to cackle at the absurdity but his everlasting stress levels are too high to really let him enjoy messing with the Sith.

Instead for now he’s been Hovering over his notes. He’s taken to working on them in a storage closest rather than in the open and even then he uses his hands to cover the words. To ensure extra secrecy, even coded and encrypted is never completely assuring. And with him ordering a hit, even indirectly, it’s possible the Sith could find out but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity. And padme may not understand now but future her would probably be ordering the attack herself so he took the Liberty to give her that chance. It’s not coming directly from her either so it’s not like she’s in any real danger.

A tickling sensation at his lip distracts him and he wipes it away. AH Sith spit, Another? Really?
He holds his sleeve to his nose to stave the flow of the recent nose bleed, The red a sharp contrast to his cream robes. He must be thinking too hard. Maybe a tea brake is in order.

He is in his apartment in the temple currently dealing with various Jedi businesses as a master. Things could be worse he supposes all things concidered. He’s been reacquainting himself quite well with being in the temple without flashes of body’s. The force hugging him as if it’s a blanket with just how alive it is, even if it remains clouded. He welcomes it all the same.
The dark side has been nipping at him. Dark temptations and calls trying to pull him down completely, possessively but through incredible self control it’s Put to the back of his mind. Can’t have one without the other. As annoying as it is. The force as a whole is not yet unified, can’t sing in harmony until the pollution has been removed. Until then he can just stay firm.

Hes just pouring the hot water to soak the spiced leaves when the door shoots open and the supernova that is his student stands in the door way. Everything comes to a halt. Hot water scorched his hands and he’s back on the lava planet of mustafar.
A Cold wash running down his hand pulls him back and he stares blankly with disinterest at his hand being held under the faucet.
What’s the point, he deserves it for what he did to Anakin. How could he? How could he have failed so spectacularly?

His grip on the fractured bits is too much effort. Shards of his sanity slip through his hold. He doesn’t feel like he’s in his body. The distant feeling of buzzing fire beetles under his skin poking and prodding. He can’t find it in himself to care. He’s not Ben he’s not Kenobi and he’s for sure not Obi wan… he’s nothing.
It’s probably only because of this that he can look his student in the eyes having already been in the midst of a shut down. The very non yellow color eases his frayed mind. The other is talking and he lets the voice wash over him, a voice that lacks the rage he once knew. He still feels Intangible so he leans over and just lets anakin support him. He’s so tired. The worried and distorted “master?” Filters through the white noise in his ears and all he can muster up is a non committal hum as he slumps further onto Anakin as his will to hold on gets harder to focus on. His legs start to give out, Anakin the only thing keeping him from completely collapsing to the cold ground.

He thinks he blacks out for a bit. The crushing World weary weight that had been dragging him down for ages had finally become too much. I guess that’s what happens when a major shock happens to an already faltering body. swept away in the dark void of the force that he finds himself suspended in, it’s his crystal nipping at him in curiosity that brings him back around. An old comfort that he wasn’t aware he needed. It’s song rings in tune
With the force and he chases that. It was hard to focus on at first but his crystal is just as stubborn and determined as he is. It’s wind ruffles his hair once he’s more tangent then fades into the background noise of constant chatter- a comfort to know it’s there but not overbearing. Existing And observing….. crystals are weird and it’s even weirder how alive his has been acting. He’s grateful for it though. It’s the only way he doesn’t feel alone, and whole. It fills in all his crumbling pieces helping add support.

He looks around once color returns to his vision. He’s sitting at the table, a long since cold cup of tea in his numb fingers. His burnt hand is wrapped in a cold rag. Must not have been too bad then. Sluggish, he manages to finally convince his head to move. Anakin is pacing over by the couch typing on his communicator. He smiles at the lack of internal fear and unrest that previous contemplation of his wayward apprentice elects. This is good. Anakin is fine. He is fine.
Never mind the still lingering static that encompasses him but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to bear with if it means that he’s not irrational when it comes to Anakin. He’s will still be haunted by the future but seeing him so normal helps him acknowledge and push through.
He clears his throat to get the other’s attention and Anakin wastes not time, shooting towards him with dizzying speed and immediately starts fretting over the old man.

It’s Quite a struggle to force the pieces back together like a mismatched puzzle. Metaphorical fingers getting sliced on the sharp edges as he shoves things together hoping it holds. Unsuccessfully attempting to convince all that there’s no missing peices. He needs to in order to function as a person, to hide how broken he really is.

he watches in fascination as Anakin checks him over, asking things to fast for him to get a word in. It brings weak amusement. Anakin noticed and huffs loudly and gets into a more comfortable crouch in front of the chair he’s on. He’s never been known for subtle and has the Blunt Communication skills of a gundarkk. And needlessly demanding.

“You need to take better care of yourself.” Ben raises an eyebrow at the stern tone. Hmm interesting. If he remembers correctly, this conversation is usually done in reverse.
“Honestly it’s getting to be a problem. I don’t know what just happened and I half half a mind to drag you kicking and screaming to the halls of healing or to any other medic. But something told me that I shouldn’t. That it would do more harm than good.” He sighs and looks at the ceiling, brushing an anxious twitchy hand through his dark hair. He acts like he’s dealing with a difficult child. Ben almost wants to laugh.
“Force Obi wan, you worry me. Ok that’s it. I’m going to use your line. One of these days you’re going to give me a heart attack or age me prematurely.” He reaches up from his eye to eye position and grips bens shoulders shaking him slightly to drive his point home hoping that for once his master will listen when it comes to his heath. concern and anxiety bleeding off of him in waves. “Maybe if I get mace on your case that will convince you to not push yourself like this. I mean come on? Other then the fact that just now you practically passed out- You have been ignoring me, Cody tells me you have gotten skittish and acting off, anyone with eyes can see you’re beyond exhausted- running on fumes- because you don’t stop, and don’t even get me started on your force signature. It’s all to obvious Your suffering from debilitating force exhaustion, it’s a wonder your even conscience right now. What pray tell could be so overbearing that perpetual force reliance and sustainability was your only option? It’s not healthy you know this! The war and whatever else you seemed convinced is you responsibility is not your sole obligation. You have help but it’s like you forget that. Your over doing it and this needs to stop before it starts getting dangerous”
His tongue feels puffy and sticks to the top of his mouth and it takes more concentration then he’d like to make words happen. “Anakin. Slow down. I’m ok”
Anakin stands, heaving in a shaking breath and pushes his face in his hands as he try’s not to scream in frustration. “No Obi, no you’re not. Why can’t you just admit that”
Ben sits there for a few moments guiltily looking over his stressed ex student. He has failed him more than enough times. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you. But if it means anything, I have it handled and I’m going to do better by you”
Anakin seems to choke on his emotions “wha-what? That’s not… what the heck are you talking about?” He sounds so lost. “Wasting away to the point of killing your self is not what I’d consider having it handled!” He hissed through clenched teeth. Those raging emotions that he had always struggled with through childhood showing face yet again.
“Anakin. You’re jumping to conclusions. Nothing is going to happen to me. I just want to help save as much as I can so I can save you” he doesn’t even give the other a chance for a rebuttal “meditate with your old master will you?”
Anakin still looks like he wants to argue but the quick change leaves him reeling.
Yes they could both use some much needed meditation. And… it would be nice to reconnect with this version of Anakin.
He makes sure his shields are as tight as ever to keep the new building grief and all the sharp fragments to himself.

Anakin doesn’t want to leave this, to let it go, but just looking at the glazed haunted and resigned eyes of his master he knows that he needs to take small steps. This is a good starting point. “Uh…. Ok… but- but this conversation isn’t over ok? Just- in the future Let me, force- anyone at all, help you. ok?” Ben nods noncommittally knowing the situation is far too complicated for that. But he’s not going to say it knowing how crazy it would sound he holds no interest or energy to explain it.
Instead he takes solace in the fact that he has this second chance and he is more determined now than ever to rectify it all. He will give up anything to keep that vision from becoming this reality.

He never would have expected to ever be able to look at Anakin again. To hear him, to feel his rough force signature billow about like that familiar untamed storm. To see his eyes look back at him without words of anger or flashes of yellow fury. To sense his all consuming light. The everlasting Tightness somewhere deep inside loosens and eases just knowing that he can have this again. That ani isn’t lost. That he can even stand to be near Anakin after everything he had been through in another timeline. It makes that small flicker of hope that he can succeed flicker just a smidge brighter.

They both settle into a deep meditative trance. through muscle memory, they each without thought that only comes from countless guided and aided meditations, ease and guide each others worries out into the comforting abyss. Both sinking into the force in unison like 2 stars orbiting each other and shining radiantly. Ben could almost fool himself into thinking everything is normal, that it was just a bad dream. That Obi wans Spirit is still alive in him somehow. That sorrowful Ben doesn’t need to hide that once sure identity. That anakin is going to surpass him as any teachers dream. That he never has to feel the pull of the bad side of the darknesses that had once overwhelmed him.
He doesn’t want it to end so he sinks deeper into the force, farther then he’s ever gone before and the force plays around him in return. Unity and whispered assurances that he’s doing the right thing. For the first time in oh so long - he’s steady. He can BREATH.
He can feel anakins nearly suffocating and all consuming presence also merging with the force. Becoming one with it as he sorts out his emotions. He’s like warm steam from a hot spring. ever present and powerful. with ani by his side he feels like nothing can stop him.

This is right. This is how things should be.
He’s still Got a lot of fixing to do but for now he’s content to lose himself in the force with his brother once again.

Chapter Text

Mace had decided to make his rounds around temple grounds.
The force seems to be insistent on something but further then that, he knows not why. So instead he’s been mindlessly wondering, taking notice of shatter points and whatnot waiting for the force to show him what it wants. Always a waiting game.
He should really be getting back, hes been walking far longer then he had anticipated. he’s got a lot on his plate right now that he shouldn’t be getting distracted from but the force is not something that likes to be ignored. He sighs and turns to head back, deciding to return to this unnecessary waiting later when the one and only Skywalker turns corner in a stumbling unsure rush. The force pokes at him as if to say this was why. This is what it wanted him for. Of COURSE it’s Skywalker. When is he NOT a constant headache? He plants his feet and ignores the unsatisfactory urge to turn and walk away from whatever mess the knight has gotten himself into now. His displeasure must be on full display because Skywalker has the briefest moment of regret on his face.
But he’s a master and it’s unbecoming to push the other away when someone is in need. Don’t mean he’s all that excited to deal with it

“Evening Skywalker.” He has to tilt his head in peaked curiosity and confusion when the knight glances behind him then turns back. Hectic as always, this one. “Right uh, hi master windu good to see you and all how ya been, how’s the council? The force has been the force, weather is great and all that” he claps his hands together sharply cutting off his own rambling and holds his hands up like he’s begging “can I talk to you? Umm privately? I know me and you don’t often have one on one conversations but-“ windu holds up a hand to cut off the chaotic annoying chatter that he’s sure wouldn’t ever end. “Of course we can talk, I’m not going to ignore when someone needs something” Skywalker looks unbelievably relieved and gestures mace to lead.

Once they reach his quarters he leads them inside and motions the young knight to make himself at home “would you like some tea?” Anakin thinks for a moment “do you happen to have anything else? caf maybe? I Never quite managed to gain my masters over appreciation of tea” mace nods with a smirk knowing exactly what he means and makes them each a cup. He makes sure to take his time to give the man in his living room a chance to collect his thoughts.
Handing the cup over he settles down on the other end. He sips at the hot liquid as he watches Skywalker stare into his like it holds the answers to all of life’s problems

They sit in companionable silence as Anakin try’s to put what has him so ruffled into words. Mace can’t say that he has ever had much of a chance to sit down with anakin more than a few times alone. The other being intimidated or other various reasons that remain unknown to him- he cares not if he ever finds out, much rather wanting to have nothing to do with Skywalker and his unconventional ways.

“I just- I…well he-…” his false start only adding to his frustration and anakin groans. He puts his cup down on the table with a click to not spill it and leans back against the couch, rubbing his fingers deep into his eyes looking utterly defeated. “I don’t know how else to put it but Something is bothering Master Obi wan, and I’m worried”
well now that has peaked his interest “how so. We each have been to busy to interact more than a few passing words this last month” Skywalker let’s out a breath as if he’d been holding it in out of worry and reaches forward and grabs his cup once more, focused in on the heat it provided. “I don’t know, he just seems off. His commander asked me awhile back to talk to him because he kept acting real paranoid or something but when I did he cut me off before even saying hi. He never does that! He’s ignored me ever since. And I keep getting this feeling like he’s hiding something. His shields are also not giving anything away, half the time I can’t even sense him at ALL through our lingering bond - they are so tight. I just got back today from my own mission and went to check in on him but when I got to his door I felt a warning in the force. When I forced my way in through his door and he saw me I felt nothing but cold terror from him but then he burnt his hand from the tea he was pouring… and he just… like- mentally disappeared I guess. He passed out for a few seconds after I tried to treat the boiling water burn but once I managed to get him sitting down he was awake again but not… well… there. Until he came back around and was aware, I was messaging the healers on advice for what to do for like 20 minutes. I think he’s over relying on sustaining himself through the force to keep going… but. It just feels deeper then that you know? Like there’s something else going on that’s stressing him out. I don’t know how to explain it but his force… it’s almost different”

Mace sits there absorbing the mess of an explanation trying to piece everything together into something that makes more sense. He sips at his coffee slowly. He truly has no idea what to say. If Kenobi is keeping things from his own old padawan then what hope is there he would share what’s on his mind to anyone else? If he knew the other wouldn’t be so opposed he’d send the man to a mind healer stat. Honestly he should do that anyway. This is far outside of his capabilities.
He dips into a mild meditation, seeking out Obi wans presence within the temple. When he does find it, he’s a bit unnerved. It almost like the man is keeping it so unless you were looking for him, you wouldn’t perceive his presence at all. Blink and you miss it kind of way. It’s so easy to overlook that small blip as insignificant, to pass over it like water flows over rocks in a stream. Further than that his shatter points are visible, from afar. in fact they are changing like a kaleidoscope of negative inverted colors, ever shifting tears and mini pockets to a void. Not at all like his normal shattered mirror view that he is familiar with. He sends his unease and concern to the force. Let him deal with anakin first then he will spend much time trying to decode what the heck is going on with his fellow council member. He doesn’t want to even consider the fact that this potentially scares him.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’ll see what I can do. Till then keep an eye on him and let me know if anything changes. I’m rather concerned with leaving him on his own”
Anakin nods as if he was planning To do that in the first place- he shouldn’t even be surprised.

Business having been concluded for now, Skywalker takes his leave. Mace heaves in a deep breath to ease the now tightness in his chest after he leaves. Those shatter points… he doesn’t like the look of them, but he senses no animosity in the force that’s oozing from them. He will just have to monitor it for now because Frankly he has no clue what it means.

This is definitely not what he expected from today.
Now he has more of a mess to worry about. Great.
Thanks you meddling troll, he blames Yoda for this.

Force help him

Chapter Text

Ben is kicking himself.
In all of his calculations he never expected the possibility of THIS. Honestly he probably should have. But he was hoping it wouldn’t have been likely enough for it to happen. Such close proximity has him wanting to burn this Building to the ground.
never in a million years would he have wanted to do this until he was ready to drop the guillotine. Interactions with anakin he was able to barley get through as it was…but to act buddy buddy with… it. The apex predator of pathetic life forms.
His whole body is tense, his teeth have been grinding for a solid 2 hours already. He’s definitely going to feel some after affects of this later.

His attention has been laser focused. Tracking Anakin and Palpatine’s interactions like a hawk.
The Jedi council had been summoned to some random waste of time fancy banquet. Something the chancellor had gone on and on about having the main face Jedi attend. Apparently it was good publicity for the war effort but Ben has doubts. Lots of doubts about the true intentions.

He’s been self guarding a corner off to the side, trying to avoid an over abundance of socializing. He’s not much in the mood.
He’s Half a bottle of wine in, too fancy for his taste but he’s managed. It’s giving him something else to do other than make a scene so instead he’s been seething on the outskirts.
He’s kept up the one sided glare down. Picking apart every movement the old man makes.

This whole time he’s been Trying to reluctantly summon every ounce of self control that he’s known for to not march over there right now and relive the man of his pointless head- but
Instead he finish’s off his glass and starts pouring in more - almost to the top and takes a deep gulp.

“You gonna hog the whole thing or are you going to share?” Mace strides over easily to him and stands beside him. Windu takes in his friends tense form and intense gaze. Subtly pulsing off calm feelings in the force to hopefully settle down the trigger happy man beside him.
Ben takes a controlled breath and diverts his laser focus onto mace willing for him to just drop it.
“Woah, who pissed in your tea this morning?”with a dark hissed tone Ben snaps. Having been restraining too much aggression and now having a target “Someone needs to mind their own kriffing business”
Mace leans back a bit and gives him an equally displeased look “Excuse me?” (You know exactly the way he says it)
Ben just huffs and turns his melting gaze back to palpatine
Mace catches on and shoots a quick glance to the two that Ben is observing “Someone is on edge”
“You could say that”
Mace chuckles a bit “Do tell”
Ben perks up and scans the room and tagging every single person as distrustful “no not here. not secure enough”
Mace gives him a weird searching look that Ben refuses meet now slightly embarrassed “I was being rhetorical. Is there something I need to know about?” Mace’s eye brow is raised and he hands on his hips now, practically daring Ben to try and lie.
Ben has enough of a guilty conscience left to feel bad now “I…. No. Not yet”
“Master Kenobi, must I remind you who’s the head of the Jedi council! the same you serve on if my memory serves me right and I know it does”
Ben shuffled a few inches away, that biting tone rearing it’s head again “And I said it before, when the time comes you’ll know about it”
They meet eachothers eyes “you’re starting to sound an awful lot like dooku before he left. Dare I say krell”
Ben fully turns, ready to completely lash out if he needs to, fury is coursing through his veins. How dare he. “I am nothing like that piece of s-“ mace cuts him off before he could really get started “that’s not what I meant and you know it. I don’t believe you’d have such intentions but your becoming a lose cannon” he grabs the glass from Ben before it shatters in his tight grip now leaving him nothing to keep his hands busy so instead he starts picking at them in the confines of his robe.

Master windu sighs deeply “That’s it. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I’m assigned Skywalker to aid you full time. No more solo stunts.” he holds up a hand to shush Ben “And you’ll be taking a temporary leave of absence from your seat on the council”
He turns, miffed “What?!”
“Take the extra time and do what you think you have to do. It’s obvious there’s no stopping you. But do so within the confines of the code. you’re too good a man to lose.And Kenobi please. Let us help you, whatever you think is set solely on your shoulders- you’re not alone. I don’t want the same mistakes we made with dooku to happen to you”

Ben nods stiffly and hunch’s in. “Sorry”
“Obi wan” Ben try’s not to cringe at the name “you don’t got to apologize. Things are not easy, believe me I know, just don’t go and do anything stupid Alright?”
Ben nods again. Everything he’s doing is stupid but necessary.
Windu looks him over again and suddenly sounds as tired as Ben feels “I sure hope you know what your doing Obi wan, because it’s going to have big repercussions”
He looks at him at the change, attention finally being completely diverted from plapatine for the first time all night. Mace swirls the remaining wine in Bens glass “have I ever told you that you’re a walking vortex of shatter points?”
“Uh no, can’t say that you have” he says slowly

“Recently somehow your shatter points have scattered and torn ever further yet the force seems to cling to you. That’s concerning in and of itself. It’s actually kinda hard to keep looking at you without getting a headache” he chuckles to himself, Ben just watching quietly
“Obi wan. Please tell me that what you’re doing isn’t massively stupid?”
“Mace, I promise, I’m doing everything in my power to keep everything under control”
Mace take a long sip of the stolen drink
“I hope you’re right” it’s somber but an understanding has been reached. “I’m keeping this” mace gesture to the glass then takes another swig.

The rest of the dinner social they stick together each trying to distract from eachothers worries.

Chapter Text

As much As he Deeply appreciates the effort people put in to check up on him (he doesn’t want to be without them ever again so really he welcomes it) but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s all to much. Years of isolation that didn’t happen make the constant proximity uncomfortable. Much like the sand Anakin so constantly verbally detests.

This also means that he hasn’t had much time to be able to sit down alone with unseen eyes and put everything in motion because there’s someone constantly with him. The whole point is that no one sees him coming but he can’t very well keep inconspicuous when no one will leave him alone!

At least from what he can tell from the last week or 2 that whatever he’s managed to alter thus far IS in fact impacting to some degree. But it’s still far too minimal. Not for what he intends to do. He wants the current power-hold to crumble like Cotten candy when it touches water right before palpatines eyes knowing there’s nothing he can do about it. To know that he has lost the chess game before he even knows what’s at stake.

No what he needs is for Anakin to stay in the light and out of his business (and away from the chancellor) and for palpatine, grevious, and maul and so many others to all die. Not very Jedi like but as far as he’s concerned he spent far too long in self exile to care much.

Him, Anakin, and ahsoka have been all over the place, on many missions. He’s honestly had a hard time keeping track of it all. Everytime just as hecktic as the last one- especially when Skywalker is at the helm of planning. The chaos is far too overbearing to the melted mental and physical state that Ben is very stubbornly keeping in place.

The looks he gets, he ignore when he mumbles spiteful words at air. When his expression turns to a glare at certain names. Getting twitchy at literally every little detail. Giving orders that make literally no sense.

He wants to push as much progress into everything when he still technically has the power to do so- before the council decides he’s gone too far and revokes him of his Jedi standing. He doesn’t want to have to leave the order but he will of it comes down to it. Nothing is more important than his success. His family…The universe… the force… lives… everything. It’s all counting on him. That’s a lot of pressure for one person to carry. Granted there’s a lot of things he’s needed to… outsource… being in the order has severely limited him in his options and capabilities. He’s trying to accomplish this as lawfully as he can. Wants it done right. If he doesn’t then the repercussions would probably make all his hard work meaningless. So having small players sneak in to steal pawns is what he’s resorting to.

Speaking of circumstances leading to removal from the Jedi order- ahsoka shouldn’t have anything to worry about. ideally he will have everything taken care of before those events come to pass and if nothing else he will just handle the situation himself. She will not be hurt by others negligence. As awful as her expulsion was handled, her being kicked out is probably what saved her life. But she won’t need to this time. Because there will be no slaughtering.

Another thing he can cross off without even having to touch the topic was probably his eventual undercover mission. The Rako hardeen incident won’t be necessary this time around because he already knows all the information he was there for in the first place. He’s pretty sure the breach in trust with Anakin held a factor in why his student lost his trust and felt he had no one to turn to other than palpatine and aided in his choice to fall. Plus that mission was a bit of a disaster. If he can avoid that whole mess then he will count it as a win.

The Only question is how does he play off knowing the information without having completed or even been told about that mission yet? As far as he knows cad bane hasn’t even been transported to that prison quadrant yet. He should tip off security to keep an eye on those two anyway…

Ah! He’s getting distracted again. How does one go about cutting through red tape and disguise the fact he knows much more than he should?

Hondo? He’s a pretty good shady alibi that won’t know the difference. The man is dim enough to not realize everything was fabricated and just go along with whatever he said. That and he loves to use the fact that he considers them friends- that “trust”- this concept would help get the man to cover for him no questions asked especially when there’s a monetary incentive. Hondo loves his business profit.

He’s got other options. There’s Dex too. He knows many underground dealings. But he holds no interest to put a target on his good friends back if anyone learns of the informant.

Palpatine had orchestrated his own attack so he needs to be on the look out for if he try’s something similar to gain sympathy. No big deal. Besides Ben is relatively sure he bought himself some time by ordering his own hit on the man. So there shouldn’t be any immediate need to call on the bounty hunters.

There is also the ever present annoyance of grievous and his potent need to destroy and finish Obi wan off- same goes for mual and his massive need for revenge. Ben really hopes those 2 never team up, that would be atrocious. At least with both of them he had managed to take them on by himself and win so he knows it’s possible.

Then Theres the whole fiasco of stupid death watch to deal with. Not that there’s much he can realistically do about the terrorist group due to that being out of jurisdiction. he’s still a bit fuzzy on the details but he’s working on it.

And ventress, can’t ever forget her. He has no idea what made her turn her back on the Sith ways so he doesn’t quite know how to exploit that unless it happens on its own. He hopes it does because he really doesn’t have it in him to keep battling her.

On the bright side of all of this, Swinging dooku to his side was a lot easier than he had anticipated. Don’t get him wrong, Ben is still suspicious on dookus authenticity and true intentions to their partnership but the force seems to say that his grandmaster is genuinely working to help him in secret. Granted with the bear minimum but it’s a start. Maybe all the old man ever needed to not fall and turn Sith was to have someone reach out in not sympathy but understanding and shared conviction to reach the same goal. To see it through.

Ben isn’t so sure others would see it that way though with all the man has done but his mind is not sound- the dark side has poisoned his brain and heart for so long. It twists your ideals- takes your greatest want. Dooku with the corruption in the higher levels ends up joining that same corruption to save his family to then wanting to destroy them. Anakin wanted to save his wife but ended up trying to kill her. They had only listened to the dark, ignored the light. They hadn’t found away to toe the line as he and by extension mace had.

No matter- until people see the real dooku as the lost man that he is, The alliance must stay hidden.  both to sidius so he doesn’t turn and try and kill dooku for the betrayal (even if that’s what he had planned all along) and to the Jedi + Senate because they wouldn’t ever understand that people can change.

The irony is not lost on him that he intendeds to “corrupt” and use sidious’s apprentice dooku against him just as the chancellor had planned for Ben in the future with turning Anakin. It’s kinda hilarious the concept actually. Heh- just imagining the Sith Lords face when he finally realizes how much control he had actually lost, how much he didn’t realize had slipped away.

He try’s to muffle the crackled laugh that catches and snags in his lungs harshly. It’s funny ok? But Man does he needs some water- when was the last time he drank, ate or slept?sat down?

He thinks his battalion is getting pretty tired of trying to decode what the heck is going on with him. He’s cracked plain and simple. At This Point most people either just roll their eyes or look on in concern when he does something like this. Not much they can do. He’s keeping them alive and he’s still doing a good job at fighting in the war. Anyone closer to the general will try to get the man whatever he needs. A brake ideally but no such luck (he never accepts, not in anyway that’s actually meaningful) Cody has tried drugged tea a few more times- any sleep would be valuable, bens blood shot eyes and accompanied dark eye bags are not a good sign. Too bad Ben has learned and been outsmarting his commander by drinking enough to satisfy Cody to leave him alone but not enough to actually knock him out.

Anakin will try to convince his old master to spar with him in their down time to exhaust Ben or to burn off what ever agitation he has stored in his bones (it always worked for anakin) but Ben has always refused. He vowed ages ago to never raise his lightsaber against anakin again no matter the reason excluding self defense. Anakin wasn’t all that happy to be denied and not given any valid reason to be blown off other then the normal excuse of “not now I’m busy, if your that desperate for entertainment go find your own padawan who you should be training anyway”

Masters Yoda, mace, and koon keep comming him to check in but they remain blinking and ignored notifications that just pile up. He will talk with them when there’s others in the room to ensure they only discuss strategies and not his own personal well-being (they know how private the other man is and he knows they won’t publicly push the matter)

Ahsoka will sometimes try and come to him for advice or questions, all things that she could easily go to her actual master about. He appreciated her reaching out in her own way to keep an eye on him but she’s much too young to have to shoulder his burdens.

He wants them to leave him alone. Force- even the rare messages to dooku has him getting irritated with the constant questions and judgment to his mental stability. Can’t anyone understand that what he’s doing is for the greater good? Is he the only one who sees? The only one to actually hear what the force is saying?

It’s all blah blah this Obi wan you need to blah blah that! He just wants it to stop! It’s just piling  on together and he’s kriffing tired of it all! Everyone is a distraction because he’s putting to much focus into keeping everyone out and palpatine not tracing him and that’s taking ALL his energy that he could be putting towards actually fixing the kriffing galaxy so they can all live their lives without kriffing dying or whatever! Keep their innocence but for some reason no one else agrees that it’s a problem in the first place!

Maybe he should just dip off the face of the galaxy and disappear, never seen again. Use force suppressors and literally be inexistent. It would be nice not to have the baring pressure of his influences and impact on millions of lives and the flow of time. It would be nice to be a nobody- to not be constantly hunted. Right now he wants nothing more then to Go off and be by himself with no worry’s. It sounds more and more feasible every day. To make none of this his problem anymore. To not have to look at people he cares about looking back at him knowing they think he’s crazy. He won’t though because he’d feel guilty the rest of his pitiful life about not doing everything in his power with the information at his disposal that was Intrusted to him by the force. That and he did enough of that during his self exile on tatooine. Maybe death is the better answer. To just silencing everything. Actually if he finds out he sacrificed his soul just for him to find out his efforts were pointless- for there to be no change- that palpatine would still win…. Yeah he thinks death is probably the next best thing to try-regardless if the force accepted him or not. He’s fed up with the constant doubt.

Because in all honesty, What do you do when you hold all the answers but have no clue how to get there and are constantly questioning if any of it is even real? Other than crying in the shower at 4 am in the rotation cycle that is.

He’s getting close to reaching the end of his self control. To snapping completely. He’s losing the will to stay distinguished and not throw hands at everything that moves. To immediately not go find good ol palps and run him through with his own light saber a minimum of 3 times, for each year of the clone wars and then if the man continues to breath and cling to his pathetic existence then keep stabbing and burning the man with unheard of hatred till he’s nothing more then the dirt on his boot. To remove his stench forever.

He doesn’t even realize that the tainted dark wisps of the dark side of the force are feeding off his emotions. Not the cold heavy slippery normal dark side but the twisted part that the Jedi constantly battle. the dark tendrils are trying to latch on to him and pull the light out. To find a way in like a parasite. He takes a steadying breath and puts a stop to THAT. He sinks into a meditation to fortify himself. He won’t fall so low to turn his back on the light. Not like this. The dark is untamed right now and he intends to fix that just as he intends to fix everything else. Now is no time to forget everything. The dark side will soon no longer be the chained creature to be controlled as it has been for oh so long. The light side whistles past his ears in thanks to the internal intentions to help free its twin. One that’s been out of reach since the first conscience person to become greedy and force the dark to its will, to defile it and make it more like the Disease that is today. It’s contaminated but it can be cleansed. The burning Fire of passion and Water of calm and comfort of the Force will soon once again resonate as one.  As it always should have. He wonders if after it’s reunited if the force will remove its influence, drawl its self away from the galaxy as a way to never be abused again. How that might affect all force sensitives and those untouched by the force alike. Or if it will stay, newly formed, now that we know how it’s supposed to be used.

Regardless- it’s an immovable fact that how everything works will change.

There’s a hand in his shoulder, shaking it to get his attention. “Master?” He’s not willing to completely leave his contemplation and meditation yet so He opens one eye to peek at who it was in hopes his concentration isn’t completely broken. He hums in thought seeing ahsoka. “Anakin said you felt off in your bond and asked if I’d check on you considering he’s… uh- busy?” She cringes not knowing how to phrase the fact that Anakin is probably doing something highly illegal or dangerous. With a sigh Ben gets up, abandoning further insight with the force and stretches “yes I’m fine just monetarily had a lapse in judgement” she gives him an amused look “oh is THAT what that was” he scoffs “yes kiddio that is exactly it”

Ahsoka rolls her eyes, being skilled in dealing with difficult masters and pushes the man to sit  down on a chair. he just raises his eyebrows in amusement but allowed her to get her way and she narrows her own eyes in suspicion. She goes to make his tea, subtly making it so he can see the process to prove she didn’t do any tampering with it Know about Cody’s attempts. He looks like he could use something comforting. He watches her every move and she really try’s to stay relaxed but it’s hard when she can practically feel his indifferent gaze. She finally finished and hands him the cup. It’s definitely not made exactly how he likes it but he doesn’t say anything and gives her a nod in thanks.

She sits down and watches him back as he sips at it looking bored.

He looks sends questioning feelings into the force and she leans back to get more comfortable, seemingly all too victorious. Soooo many people owe her a LOT of credits now. She’s won the bet that literally everyone has on who could get the master general Jedi to relax first. She just gives him her usual innocent puppy eyes because she would NEVER ever ever have the audacity to take advantage of a situation. (That’s a lie and everyone knows it, Anakin is most definitely at fault.) Ben is honestly secretly impressed, but he knows better then to trust that ahsoka isn’t up to something when she pulls that face - mostly used to get away with stuff. Good for her though to find joy in the desolate era she’s been thrust in. Kids fighting in a war? Had melida/daan taught nobody?

He’s pulled from the new musing. The padawan must have felt the change because now the teasing chaotic energy she usually has, has shifted back to that concern he’s been increasingly vexed by.

He’s lost the appetite for his gifted tea, no longer finding any enjoyment from it.

He really does try to hide the sudden and growing disappointment but is completely unsuccessful.

“I sense unrest in you master. Are you perhaps experiencing another migraine?” It’s no secret that he is prone to frequent migraines and had indeed been suffering from an increase of them lately but surprisingly so he isn’t right now.

“Yes”

Doubt clouds her voice “Master did you just lie to me? I don’t know you knew how to do that” sassy as always this one. Must have gotten it from somewhere but he has no idea who (definitely Obi wan don’t let him fool you)

“If you’re not going to believe a single word I say, why ask then?” She gives him a contemplative look “Because you being your normally cryptic self won’t say otherwise. So I have learned to read in-between the lines” he lets out a long heavy sigh and sinks down into the chair throughly done talking. He puts his head in his hand and glares at the table “master in case you weren’t aware, you’re acting more like a petulant kid.” She looks at him like SHE is the one who’s tired of all of this. He never asked her to be his baby sitter “if you have a problem with it then you most certainly don’t have to stay here” a clear dismissal that he hopes she actually listens to but he’s doubtful it will actually happen. One can only hope.

The force has the audacity to twinkle around him like snow as if it’s laughing at him. He wants to swat at the air, make it stop because he’s not in the mood, but he knows exactly how that would look to outsiders. He try’s to hold on the near primal growl of his vocal cords as the irritation keeps building.

Nothing changes around here, everyone always laughing at his expense- his suffering. Over small things usually. Granted it’s always light hearted teasing but right now it just makes his head pulse.

“Ahsoka. I Love spending time with you. I do. i promise. But Please for the love of the force, leave me alone”

She smirks “only if you promise to go take a nap for like 40 hours”

Before she’s even done talking he butts in all to eager “deal!” She nods but makes no move to leave “what?! What now?” He’s frazzled “prove to me you’ll actually Try” he groans and throws his hands in the air “fine!” He storms off to find somewhere that is relatively comfortable and does actually try to sleep if only to get everyone to. Back. The. Sith. Off.

The minty breeze of a sleep suggestion and a playful chuckle from ahsoka chase him deeper into something resembling rest and definitely more unconscious. That sneaky little…

Chapter Text

He jolts awake, buzzing with Alarm
The nightmare not fading, sticking and seeping like thick goo that refuses to pull from his brain. He panics. he can’t distinguish reality and everything feels so so wrong. He can’t remember the timeline of the nightmare or even the context but he still feels trapped in the demented dream. He flinched at imperceptible screaming in his ears. He can’t tell if it’s a memory, a premonition, or just something twisted his mind conjured due to The unresolved trauma.
He can’t breathe.
He can’t focus on the remnants of the dark dream long enough to remember what it was about but at the same time his body still registers danger- the fear won’t go away.
He can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe

He curls up covering his ears and hides his face in his knees, trying to block out the internal horrors repeating internally to himself. “the force will protect me” over and over but the words are getting lost in the loud flood of images that he doesn’t even register because they move too fast. He’s drowning. The room is spinning, no- that’s not quite it. he can feel the planets 1000 MPH rotation speed and he barley resists the need to lay back down and cling to the ground because it’s so FAST.
Objects in the room start to rise under the influence of the force in response.

Something clatters next to his bedside. A sharp electric shock shoots through his system as his nervous system attacks itself. He lets out an embarrassing yelp and scrambled to get up, almost falling immediately. shaking legs he that don’t feel sturdy tripping over twisted blankets that had fallen to the floor. Everything falls to the floor. He can’t breathe HE CANT BREATH.

He flees

Everything is a blur, he barley noticed his arm pounding on a door, to far lost in his delusions to remember he can get in with the key pad. It’s late into standard rotation of the day so most are asleep, a small mercy to his degrading dignity.
He feels unconscious pulling at him Like little dark tendrils wrapping around him and trying to drag him down.
No
No he can’t- he- he needs to-

Finally the door hisses open and a slightly irate and sleepy anakin is standing there

Ben can’t decide if he wants to drag him into a hug or run away in fear. The indecision roots him frozen other than to gasp for air he can’t feel. Eyes waving and not focusing.
His heart is POUNDING, it’s all he can hear other than white noise.

He’s nearly surrendered to the flurry of stress when a hand is on his shoulder
He jumps back startled, panic increased tenfold. No- they will take him away. He can’t leave Luke! Did they find him? Luke isn’t safe! Vader is gripping at his very being making him feel small. It’s over it’s over HE FAILED

“SNAP OUT OF IT!” Ice cold mint wafts and freezes everything over. Force suggestion. Order? Force? Cold?
He’s confused
His chest is still squeezing violently as he struggles to gasp in air.
He’s both over stimulated and pulsing in new apathy - he feels faint.
He wants to vomit

Shivering he looks up at Anakin who looks just about as panicked as he still feels lingering on the outskirts.
Wild eyes search him over and he wants to squirm and fidget at the intense gaze. It’s extremely uncomfortable.
“Obi wan i need you to breathe ok? You’re not rational or making any sense right now and you’re kinda freaking me out so let’s just calm down yeah?”

Years and years of calming his padawan from panic attacks as he endured culture shock from slave to temple, apparently the man never forgot and copy’s what he remembers.

He’s still far too numb and filled with static but it’s manageable at this point. Now he’s just embarrassed. The dread swirling uncomfortably in his chest as if he’s choking on a blanket that was stuffed inside of him. He should say something, thank Anakin for wasting his time, tell him to forget this happened, convince him everything is fine now. But he knows deep down it won’t work. Anakin may have his own insecurities but he’s never one to hold back his burning curiosity regardless of his very private master.

“Are you good now?”
Ben nods wondering if hiding his shame is even worth it. How undignified.
“So are we going to talk about whatever the heck that was or are you going to try and brush this aside again? Like, do we need to be genuinely concerned for your health? Or is this just you being super stressed and not coping?” Ben takes a moment to look over his old padawan. He looks so lost and defeated, looks as much of the teenager that he still is. Trying to be strong yet falling short. Oh how he failed his student.
His brain is so scrambled but he doesn’t even need to think about it. He just does it. His own soul writhing in agony over the suffering he caused his student and he can’t bare to leave him struggling. He is raising a hand to comfortingly brush the fearful tears out of his brothers eyes

“Master please say something. This- this doesn’t feel right”
He gulps suddenly nervous all over again. He pulls away and pretends not to see the heartbrake in Anakins expression. “No don’t push me away! We were finally getting somewhere” he’s begging now, a hint of frustration coloring his tone.
Irrational as it is, he’s terrified of his brother. And right now, when he’s like this? As much as he wants nothing more than to draw comfort, he only is rewarded with renewed terror. And he hates himself for it.

And Anakin? Looking helplessly at his master, best friend, brother, father who is nothing but a complete mess. Who until then has been acting so strong when he clearly isn’t- hiding who knows what- who just showed up at his door having a full blown panic attack in the middle of the night- someone he hasn’t seen brake down in front of anyone, for once not behind closed doors since Qui-gon- who actually SOUGHT OUT someone rather then hiding.
He has no choice. He pushes.

“Obi wan Tell me what’s wrong!” the minty force suggestion gets more of a cinnamon like spice at the edges at how demanding and forceful it is. Edging more into dark territory.

He fights it. No!

He starts pulling at his hair using every ounce of willpower to resist and fight against Vader and his darkness. He won’t give him the information. He can’t know under any circumstances. He can’t. He will die before he gives in to the Sith. He’s on guard and In a frenzy. Ready to lash out at anything.
It’s like he’s nothing but some small critter in the claws of a bearing down predator.

Suddenly the encroaching heaviness is gone and he’s left reeling, suddenly empty. Regret and fear permeate the force around him not at all coming from him. Now is his chance. If Vader wants information from him then he needs to make it so he can’t get it! In this brief Moment of respite He needs to silence his mind irreversibly. The force feels out of reach so instead He searched around the room for anything at all that he can use to kill himself with. He needs something quick or Vader will stop him and he will never have another chance. He could handle the torture but he can’t fathom the risk of accidentally being convinced to talk about the children.
He finds nothing.
Feeling cornered with lack of options and pressured of running out of time he resorts to all he can do.

He starts bashing his head against the wall.

“STOP STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” The horror of a very Anakin like voice and not the monotone rasp of Vader gives him pause. Enough of a gap for Anakin to finally grab on and hold him in place till the fight drains out of his master
What the kriff
WHAT THE ACTUAL KRIFF

“Obi wan?!” Anakin’s relief is Short lived but he’s he’s still grateful to See Clarity and confusion in his masters eyes
“Anakin?” He sounds so Small and scared “Is… is that you?” The broken sorrowful voice of his master that sounds as if he’s so scared to hope that this is real.
He’s drags Obi wan into a hug, Anakin doesn’t care about boundaries right now. What just happened? Did he almost lose him? Why?
He squeezed tighter crying into the others shoulder.

“Why would you do that?!”

Ben knows he can’t skirt around this one this time.
The shock lessens enough for Ben to realize the full scale of what he almost did. He dug himself a big hole.
But he Can’t tell him. No one would believe him if he started spouting unfounded information. And Anakin is Being too closely watched by the target…he could let something slip and ruin Everything.
But history showed that keeping information from ani has been counterintuitive. Yet…. Rako hardeen havent happened yet. He can’t risk it. What does he do?!

“Please? Just say Anything! I can’t lose you” the wet sobbing voice sends ben back in time to when he’s holding his tearful 10 year old padawan. His heart brakes and his resolve crumbled like sand. The driving need to help Anakin overrides everything.

Both of them clinging to eachother like their lives depend on it in the middle of the floor in the dark. He thinks quickly for a half truth.

He speaks softly- both of them still a whirlwind. “Anakin im so sorry you had to see that. I… i wasn’t thinking properly. Wasn’t in my right mind. I thought I was somewhere else. I promise i won’t do that again.”
A beat passes and Anakin grows tense somehow Knowing the next words will hurt
“It’s imparitve that you uphold the upmost secrecy. I will admit I have been on edge lately and for that I apologize. Im confiding in you because you hold my compleate trust. Because I love you more like a brother than a Jedi should allow themselves. I should have told you sooner but I couldn’t bear the thought”
The comforting soft tone shifts. Hints of recent Hysteria filters right back in as if it never left.

“you can’t tell anyone what so ever what I’m about to tell you. No one in the Jedi order Or anyone out of it. These words can’t leave this room”
Anakin pulls back from the long drawn out hug to gaze back in worry and confusion “what?”

“Promise it! Promise on your mother!” Anakin shrinks back at the sudden aggression, his ever present guilt growing and nods, stuttering out a yes

“Someone has sabatoged your apprenticeship”

A cavern opens up under Anakin, him still latched on to Obi wan and his robes the only thing keeping him from falling in the pit. He can barely squeak out a response, way too many emotions all fighting in him to be noticed.

“Someone out there intentionally kept me from you, ordered me for missions where I was required to leave you. Hindered my ability to teach you all I could about being a Jedi and how to handle certain things. I’m so sorry” he brings their foreheads together, Anakin was to deep in shock, words washing over him like ice.
I only recently found out when I was reviewing old mission reports”

Anakin can barely hear, a loud ringing resounding through his head making it hurt, eyesight fading white, all as if something hard just impacted his head.

He has barley enough mind to recognize the building sensation in his throat to turn away and puke on the floor. He wheezing now. No no no this can’t be happening. It can’t be true! His world is collapsing around him.
He hasn’t felt such disparity since mom

“Shhh ani it’s alright, may I touch you?” He nods, joints feeling like they are locked in place. Warm hands brush at his face at his hands pull him away from the stench of the mess he made. It takes a long while but they both calm eachother down.
“We Are going to get through this ok? Together like always” bens words catch. in another reality they didn’t and it ruined everything. He and Qui-gon had even been separated and that also ended poorly. That’s partially why he decided to do this mostly on his own. Not the point now though

“It’s going to be ok golden boy. I won’t let anything happen to you”
The force springs to life and covers them both like a blanket

It still doesn’t feel ok, it won’t for awhile. But right now they are what eachother needs

Chapter Text

Ben feels bad
At least he knows he still has a conscience…

Anakin has been keeping his word and hasn’t breathed a word to a single person about his little… slip up.
He has been keeping the knight at arms length largely due to embarrassment but also so Anakin doesn’t catch on that he’s still hiding a majority of the facts.
Anakin has been watching him like a screech hawk ever since, never letting him leave his sight. Ben get it’s, he does. He did have a bit of a violent reaction so he understands that Anakin would be unwilling to let him off the hook lest something similar happen again.
So he doesn’t say anything. But they haven’t talked since.

Ahsoka knows something happened between the 2 of her masters, Ben has caught the subtle shaking of anakins head at ahsokas unasked questions. Unspoken Advisement not to dig. He appreciates it but he knows this must be tearing his padawan apart.

Ben sure doesn’t feel any better about any of what happened. He will need to double down on keeping himself together. He’s a high general and a Jedi for crying out loud. He’s better than that. giving in to the fear like he did. To react and scare his brother as he had. Maybe he should push the force reliance to a higher degree so he can avoid potential triggering night terrors? To keep all the strained untethered stuff that’s wrong about him at bay? He’s already technically reached the extent that you’re supposed to use the ability before it starts getting dangerous but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. Anything for Anakin. Who can barely stand to look at him.

Beyond that Eating has also increasingly become a more pressing issue. Anytime he thinks about the war (which is always by the way) he feels sick. It’s like the original unmotivated feeling had mutated into a physical reaction making the thought of food practically impossible. He wasn’t really taking care of himself before hand, (or ever really) too laser focused on his mission and trying to live up to impossible expectations. It’s all been making him dizzy. Not that’s he’s really stepping back at all but he did have an awakening, Revelation, Epiphany -What have you. There can’t be a repeat of his little breakdown.
He just can’t

He had discovered there’s a lot of cant’s recently and he really has no idea how to process that. Probably never will. Yoda might have some words about it all but it’s not like he’s gonna ask. He doesn’t think he could stand more scrutiny or judgment.

So instead he will put that thoughtful contemplation on a shelf for now until more immediate issues get resolved assuming he’s still alive to process his failures by then.
It’s hard. When people have looked upon you your whole life and believe it when they say “Obi wan kinobi can’t do anything wrong, he’s the perfect Jedi” and every single time he has to plaster on his best attempt at a grateful smile and bow politely in thanks even though deep inside he knows they couldn’t be further from the truth. His whole life is filled with nothing but mistakes and failures but he has always been determined to try and do his best to do good for others. It’s that selfless respect that people get their false ideas from. He just hopes he does something right this time around regardless of whatever blood ends up on his hands. Even if it’s his own, there is no cost he isn’t willing to consider to FIX everything that he can. He can’t think to long on what Qui gon would think or he might actually lose it and fall apart. Qui gon isn’t here to guide him, he’s called but no answer. Just…nothing. He still doesn’t know why he’s unreachable… maybe he’s just not worth the time? Maybe qui gon really is disappointed and is to ashamed of Obi wan….

Not helpful

Aside from all of that… nonsense
He thinks he should also, just maybe, do a bit of research into stress induced psychosis just to cover bases in case he does snap or has been wrong this whole or something or other. because he really doesn’t want anyone to worry more than they should… it’s not worth it. He’s a crazy old man who didn’t even live that life no matter how much it feels like it but that doesn’t make him an invalid. He’s still in possession of his sanity regardless of how questionable it is. See? Everything is going to be fine and work out and no one needs to go asking questions… right?

He just needs to remind himself that he has this handled. It’s going to be fine as long as he stays focused.
Heh…Someone who could really do with some focus is Anakin. He’s worried what this new strain will do to his padawans mental state and their relationship. It’s a dangerous outlier.
Hmmm maybe he should nudge Anakin towards a mind healer? To help with whatever darkness he’s been tainted with. He can frame it as a way to deal with recent losses due to the war. Say he’s doing sessions as well to help convince the younger to agree to go (even though he’s not because he. Has. No. Time.) and from his understanding, Anakin has always been talking to people outside the order- the wrong one’s mind you- but maybe he just needs someone who isn’t him or anyone else in the order he knows. Because as close as they are Anakin has never been all that Willing to share stuff with his master.
Honestly ahsoka could probably benefit from one as well. He will bring it up. Anakin is more likely to agree if they all do it for the same reason. He’s smart enough to know he’s not invincible. Although maybe not because all he’s ever been told is that he’s the chosen one, the hero without fear who gets results. And his future shows how demented that made him. And Ben is willing to try everything in his power to change his fate. It wouldn’t be the first time Anakin had a session with one although he severely doubts he remembered it. When they first brought him to the temple he had a few sessions to help transition from slave customs to Jedi customs. It worked well enough but he only went to a few till Obi wan eventually took over that teaching of helping him adjust.

All thoughts for another time.
focus Ben focus!
He needs to ditch his “escort” to be able to check in and get a progress report from dooku. It’s long overdue and he’s eager for information. (This is the same guy who was willing to let another Jedi get possessed by a worm and then proceeded to get sad when Anakin squished it) he wants to know what happened to the clones. It’s too coincidental for all the troops to turn at the same time. He knows something made them. Hes sure of it. He doesn’t know what to think of he’s wrong. He wants to know how, why, and what the trigger is. He wants to stop it. Both so palpatine lose that bargain chip and To save the Jedi and the friends he has made. To save them from themselves. He cares for the clones because they are as sentient as he and anyone else is. And with the agreement between him and dooku he knows that the man won’t kill him. Not till he solves this puzzle as well. Something he learned from qui gon when he was younger. That him and his grandmaster shared the trait of being OCD about unfinished puzzles.

It’s weird to sneak through halls that you’re supposed to be in. It’s not like it’s wrong or weird for him to be here but he knows that there are unofficial orders to keep him from being alone so he doesn’t have some sort of snap. What that would look like he’s not even sure of but he is so sure it’s not going to come to that.
Because why would it? (Never mind the fact that he’s so deep in denial he can’t even see how much of a red flag that is)

He encodes the signal and sends a message off to dooku with the rendezvous coordinates. This will be an in person meeting. Risky, but easer to keep anyone from tracking or gaining intel from unsecured lines. The last thing he needs is someone overhearing and finding out about this alliance. The council sure wouldn’t be very happy about him willingly having regular contact with the Sith who has been nothing but a massive thorn in their side for years now. Honestly he’s kind of surprised Dooku hasn’t tried to exploit him at all. He had expected that there would have been a price to his cooperation, demand some sort of personal sacrifice from Ben in exchange for the man’s services to look into the clone situation. But no. The man has asked nothing in return. It leaves his stomach in knots because he doesn’t know if those conditions will change and dooku might turn and width-hold his information unless he… turns to the dark side maybe? He’d asked him before. When they had finally met. Probably mostly because dooku actually holds some measure of respect for him and a whole bunch of other reasons he too stretched thin to put any considerable contemplation towards.

But if anyone can help him it’s dooku no matter how suspicious it is. But He also needs to keep reminding himself that this is dangerous for BOTH of them. He just needs to keep an open mind and be prepared for anything. He wants to believe that the older man’s intentions remain true but he’s far to world weary to actually fully believe the possibility that this will go his way. It could be a trap for all he knows. Pessimism or optimism it doesn’t matter, paranoia will cling to him regardless as a twisted force feeling of warning and wrongness that is so overwhelming that the force is just a confusing mass that he isn’t even sure is entirely true. But it’s there. It’s always there.

This meeting is to be conducted in secret. He can’t go to dooku’s ship. Even if droids can be programmed not to acknowledge his presence
There’s a possibility they can be compromised. His home planet is out- too far and too many witnesses. Bens ships are out of the question because it would be on sight for the older man if anyone detected his presence. Meeting in a small personal ship is too much hassle. It’s better to just be on land to not give either an advantage. So instead they are going to meet in a cave system planet in a neutral system in wild space that’s relatively uninhabited by intelligent life forms. Far enough for no one to find him unless he’s directly followed but close enough that he won’t be gone long enough for anyone aboard his own ships to miss his presence.

He strides in with all the fake confidence in the world. Internally buzzing with anxiety and anticipation of this going right. That there will be good news. And that he isn’t walking into a trap right now. It’s probably fine.
Dooku is inside. He must not have been waiting long because he’s still setting up a transportable holo table for their meeting. Interesting.

“Greetings… count”
The older man huffs and rises out of his kneeling in front of the table where he had been adjusting the legs, his joints cracking and popping loudly at his age
“Feeling old now says there old man?”
“Can it Kenobi, you to will one day suffer like this if you manage to live long enough. You won’t be so teasing then”
Ben sniffs harshly “ok grumpy old man” he looks around, observing the large open cave they are in. It’s surprisingly bright in here. He has that mental itch to investigate but he stamps it down. He can snoop when they are done, he wants his information he came here for first. And apparently dooku was offended enough to be taking his good old time getting set up as if he’s purposefully trying to piss Ben off. His takes a calming breath, now is not the time for his agitation to get the better of him.

“You know Kenobi. You’re Lucky I admire you so much. Otherwise this would not be happening.”
“Oh don’t worry I very aware”
“Qui gon always spook highly of you, it’s a shame we never interacted much before his unfortunate demise”
Ben gives him a searching look in suspicion. Why is he being so… civil… it’s weird… and kinda creepy.
“Do you think we would have gotten along?”
With a flip of a switch the table comes to life as the man finishes puttering around “it’s possible. Although I can’t say the same about your own apprentice. He leaves much to be desired” he gives a look of distaste “I tire of this conversation”
“Um but you brought it up?”
“Don’t get smart with me Kenobi”
“Right. Fine by me, you’re not exactly the best conversationalist yourself. Let’s perhaps discuss business then?”

Dooku nods and then pulls up files on the information he had scrounged up.

He slides some document scans to his side of the table to look through as dooku speaks
“I must confess I already knew what would happen with the clones. My master had instructed me to give the Kaminoans orders to implant chips for a false contingency during their creation. Although how you know is beyond me still, and I will continue to await your promised explanation. I did some more specific digging anyway. From what I know, the clones all have inhibitor chips in their brains.” He flicks dexterous fingers through the holo and brings up a diagram“Very very small devices that you can only detect if you know exactly what to look for. With the intention that they stay under your noses unperceived . They are meant to forcibly alter the brains chemistry dictating the thoughts, behaviors, and responses to the thoughts of its host to act in a certain way. It’s triggered by a code word, of which my master was not willing to share with me.”
Ben brings a hand up to rub at his chin in deep contemplation, his usual thinking stance. “Is there anyway to nutrilize its effect? To either stop them before they are activated or even turn them off. Do they require removal? And do they have to hear their trigger phrase or is there like a button that is pushed that actives it?”
“You ask far to many questions”dooku says Sarcastically
But Ben is starting to feel caged in and defensive as the true meaning of everything is baring into him. “I’m not nieve grandpa” he bites out a bit more darkly then he had intended but he doesn’t spare any thoughts to feeling bad
They both seem to sigh at he same time
“Far from the truth, your still to far in the dark to know the full scope. Whatever it is you think you know you need to realize this has all been planed for ages now and there are back up plans”
Ben rubs at his eyes trying to calm his anxiety raging in his head “right. Sure. Let’s go with that for now” he doesn’t have energy to argue

“As for neutralizing the chips or any other deactivation or removal processes… I haven’t come up with anything substantial yet. Many potential ideas would be discovered and lead the chips be activated early or would take far to long to get all the clones, because I know your to hopeless of a man to not want to save all of them. Jedi, pfft what a joke. Regardless The only possibly I see currently is maybe using resources from my home world to craft a device that can fry them with minimal damage and go undetected long enough to hit as many as you can. But that also is simply far too strenuous. I doubt you will be able to get access to all the clones even with such technology. But it’s the only viable solution I have concocted such far”

“Right. Because of course nothing is ever easy. Do you think this is something I should mention to anyone else?”

Dooku thinks for a moment, crossing his arms “best not. Not yet at least. The more people that are brought in the more likely it is my master will notice”
“I thought as much”

Ben surfs through the data for a few more moments and then begins the transfer sequence to his personal pad to store away the information so he can make notes on it later. At least he has a better idea of what he’s working with. “I appreciate this count”
“I’m not doing this for you” even though the words are said with hostility, Ben has an inclination it might not be entirely true.
“I guess we both will just have to live with not understanding each other’s motives. Until the right time at least.”

After a few more tense minutes of stale conversation and passing of notes and information, they part ways.

Ben has much to think about. The true scale of what he’s facing down is baring down on his soul again leaving him feel more ragged then he thought was possible. He feels his nose tickle and itch and he deeply sighs. Not again. These are so annoying. His stress levels must have risen his blood pressure enough to cause yet another nose bleed. Hopefully this one doesn’t last too long.

Once he’s back aboard his vessel he pauses. That was a lot and he just needs a moment to himself.

the trip back to the negotiator is not long enough to catch a decent nap as much as he desperately needs one. So instead to keep his mind off the chips for a bit (he really doesn’t want to think about the forced controlled will of clones when he’s on his way to go interact with those very same people who could turn at any minute but he knows he’s being ridiculous
but it’s impossible to ignore) he instead decides to finally take time to go through some reports. Nice mindless paperwork to keep his mind occupied for a little while bit. A small brake to the rest of… well everything. It’s a good thing to because they had been piling up for some time now. As hes perusing through various documents and reports his eyes catch on Ashoka’s name. Huh. He settled down into a more comfortable position and decided he was interested enough to be absorbed by her report fully rather then a skim through. This is an old report from when she and another elder master had apprehended some potential assassins in the search to uncover a few stolen sabers. Some of the information seems inconsistent and stilted as if she had left some stuff out. Hmm. Fascinating. He wonders how said thieves had even gotten ahold of any sabers as it’s not reflected in the essay, it just states that she had sought aid in recovering some. Oh. Wait ok. He sits up a bit feeling more alert and kind of ecstatic as an idea starts to formulate. She had sought guidance from the elder master Tera Sinube. Crime man. He is literally an expert in the criminal underworld. Ben wants to smack his head at how much of an idiot he’s been. A solution to one of his growing list of problems staring him right in the face. One of his biggest hurdles that he didn’t know how to accomplish was working on uncovering and finding definitive proof that palpatine was into some dirty business. The whole reason he waited- was because he wanted to do this right. To show everyone the truth of the man. Otherwise he would become just another martyr. Something Ben can not allow. The man is not allowed to die with honor. He lost that respect the second Ben found out what he did to anakin… qui gon… Dooku… Cody… ahsoka… everyone…

Time to delegate some more

Who better to take some pressure off his broken cracked plate then the master of criminal investigations? Who is retired and probably would be delighted to have something to look into. Someone who can handle such a big part of his plans and also do so from an outside perspective. He would have to connect it to palpatine but that’s much more beneficial then if Ben were to try attaching palpatine to his crimes. It makes it all the more sound. Better than whatever delusions Ben would undoubtedly concoct up. Besides Tera is a master of his craft. He will know exactly what to look for. He personally never had much contact with the other master, their professions never truly crossing paths as Ben was deployed on more diplomatic missions and leaving criminal work to the shadows.

Armed with new information and fresh determination, he switches pads from his work one to his secret one to draft up plans, and strategy’s. He also starts wording a document of what he wants to send to master Tera. This will definitely keep him occupied until he returns.

Chapter Text

No.

No. No no no. Nonononono NO! This can not be happening right now.
This has to either be a sick joke or a horrific nightmare.

This is just a massive impending disaster. And he’s freaking out over it.

When he gets word that anakin and ahsoka are supposed to go on the elaridiea mission he has to take a few moments to ensure he’s actually still alive from the fearful shock that hits him. His changes to the timeline have changed to much and right now it’s VERY NEGATIVE. The original elaridiea mission was an absolute CLUSTERKRIFF. Anyone who goes will have a guaranteed surprise meeting with death. The team who originally went were brutalized. His people are in no way allowed within 20 systems of the place. He knows this is attachment but screw everyone, he doesn’t care. No one deserves that fate. Honestly the whole mission should just be scrapped and forgotten about by the Jedi. If they knew what would happen though, he knows someone would still go in the hopes to improve the situation. stupid Stupid STUPID. ARGHHHH

Nope. He’s putting a stop to this. Kriff the council or ANYONE who will throw a fit over this but he is NOT letting them go.

He’s an angry ranting mess, raging down the halls in the direction of where anakin is no doubt loading up his ship getting ready to leave.
He marches through the hanger a spiteful spitting creature of fury and full panic attack.

“Anakin!” He’s seething in warning “where do you think you’re going?”
Anakin turns to him, confusion on full display. “Uhhh- what did I do this time?” he is completely lost
“You’re not going on that mission and that’s final!” anakin blinks in surprise. He’s never heard such a commanding tone from his old master. Not like this. Not even close.
“What are you talking about? There orders from the council. I have to go-“
Suddenly there are hands gripping his robes in a shocking display of aggression and forceful ness he has never seen from Obi wan. he’s frozen at the complete absurdness as Obi wan practically growls at him in a gruff deep voice “no. Your. Not”
He lightly shoos his clenched hands away and back up for some personal space and whispers, trying to ignore the curious looks they are getting “why are you acting like this? What’s so wrong that I can’t go on a mission?” Anakin wants to be mad at what that could insinuate about him but he’s far too confused to really process the distant yet familiar emotion. “I’m vetoing anyone go on that force for saken sith spit of a he-“
“Ok, ok I’m gonna stop you right there” but Obi wan just keeps going and devolving more and more as Anakin quickly loses control of the situation
“- and so help me, I WILL use sand as a deterrent, ptsd be damed-“
What?! This is getting ridiculous. He runs a stressed hand through his hair. Why would Obi wan threaten to sand him just to keep him here? Huh?
He suddenly has vivid memories of the night Obi wan came to him suffering some sort of brake down and is worried it’s happening again. And this time it’s in full view to everyone. He knows Obi wan needs some sort of… intervention or some serious help is really the best way to put it. he doesn’t know how to bring it up- but it’s not like he wants anyone poking into something that’s non of their business.
“Obi wan”
He tries getting the man’s attention but it goes ignored as the other gets more and more worked up. “Hey. Obi wan!” He finally grabs a hold of the man’s pacing shoulders and gets him to still, to look him in his wild blood shot eyes “your being irrational right now and not making a lick of sense” he can feel the whole body trembling in the older man’s too thin form. Geez just how badly is his master suffering? And for how long? And for what reason? That’s it. once this gets dealt with immediately, they are finally going to have a conversation thats long overdue and he will get answers. No more tiptoeing around with half explanations. This can’t continue. If his master keeps preaching from his high horse then anakin is going to flip that around on the other man. Its only fair

The fight seems to drain quickly at the contact, as if all energy had been spent and Obi wan stands there looking so painfully pathetic and scared. A look he has seen very sparingly. So few times he can count it on one hand. The man used to be so composed regardless of what he was actually feeling and it lead to a lot of misunderstandings in his apprenticeship. Something he still struggles with actually. But this? He doesn’t know what to do here. He’s barely managing to keep a reign on his own anxiety at what to do. “Just. Breath for a sec Kay? Then we can figure out what to do but for now just calm down so I can think” Obi wan won’t look at him anymore, for the first time in a long time he feels the other man’s shields. Something he hadn’t even realized until now that he had sensed less of over the last few months. Like the man is fading and erasing himself from existence. shields that alarmingly start to crack and splinter- overwhelming him with shame and grief and guilt and so so many other things that bombard his own like a battering ram.
He’s worried about others getting a slip of something so private, something that he is selfishly glad to be really the only one to ever get to experience this side of Obi wan. But it’s still frankly very disturbing, so he widens his own shields as a buffer between Obi wan and everyone else. Just like how Obi wan would do for him before he was able to have strong enough shields to protect his mind from how loud and overwhelming it was to be surrounded by force sensitives in the temple in his early days.
Mace. He should call mace. Or Rex. Or Cody even. Anyone. But he doesn’t know who he is willing to let Obi wan near when he so fragile and unwell. Who the other man would be comfortable enough to be around.
He leads Obi wan into the ship for privacy then decides on mace. He’s the closest and the best equipped to figure out what’s going on and he already knows something is up. And maybe he can help with the mental brakeage or whatever this is. He hopes he didn’t just brake his master and he’s still unclear of what exactly he did but it must be his fault.

He sits Obi-Wan down on a chair so he doesn’t like… pass out or something. He’s not fighting at all, acting like a mindless puppet. It feels to much like he’s giving up. quickly he goes to get water or something, not all that happy to be leaving him alone for ANY length of time, but he needs a moment to himself and he’s sure Obi wan could use something to… relax? Who knows. But he doesn’t know what to do but he can do this. He types out a quick message to master windu and returns to where he left Obi wan. Who isn’t there anymore. Ok now He is fully panicked.

The memory of his master stuck in what seemed like a brutal flashback… or something of the like. And how he was convinced his only option was to try and kill himself still stuck in his head. He focused in trying to find the tether that his force is still surrounding and rushes off to find the man.
He WAS having a really good day but now he’s scared and he feels as if he has been for hours. He…. He needs padame.
As he races off still in search, he calls padame hoping she answers. He needs to hear her voice to help him keep his head. She doesn’t… must be in a meeting? But her voice Mail is enough. She’s always enough.

He’s filled with immeasurable relief when He swiftly glides through the control room and spots him at a control panel and seems ok. “Oh thank the force! There you are” he releases a breath he had been holding from how tense he was. He’s ok. “What pray tell do you think your doing? Scaring me like that? You know in some systems people would call that rude” Obi wan had whirled around and seems to be hiding what he was doing but he doesn’t even look ashamed just disappointed he was caught “uhhh ok no actually. What ARE you doing?” He try’s to get a suspicious glance and quickly tired of not knowing so he pushes past Obi wan to see the screen. He. He was sabotaging the coordinates for the mission? He can’t help the shocked noise of disbelief that escaped him. This… is just Unheard of, unthinkable even to anakin.

Before anakin can think anything further, mace rushes into the room. About time. Could have been useful when Obi wan disappeared in the first place. Whatever. He’s not salty. (Even though that’s only said by people who are indeed very salty)

“What’s the situation Skywalker. I’m a busy person you know” anakin looks at him incredulously and just vaguely full body gestures at Obi wan “he wont let us go on the mission” Obi wan pipes up far to brightly and unapologetic then he should as if he isn’t under scrutiny “actually I won’t let anyone go. No arguments” anakin can practically see the gears in Maces head grinding together at this mess. Is it sick that he enjoys seeing that even mace is having difficulty with emotions? He thinks not. Take that stupid Jedi council.

Mace brings a hand up to his head as if trying to stave off an impending headache and honestly he might as well have one. “Ok. Why? You can’t just… bar anyone from a mission. Especially when you technically don’t have clearance to do that right now”

A few far to long drawn out seconds pass as Obi wan tries to come up with a good excuse that would be believable. He goes for a half truth. “A vision. One that repeated many times with different scenarios and resulting in the same outcome. I will never let any Jedi breath near that system if I can help it. I was going to erase its existence from the data banks so we would forget about it. You wouldn’t understand how awful it will end. I can’t in good conscience subject anyone to that fate knowing I could spare them. Let the place rot mace, it’s not worth it. Believe me” his voice edging on desperation

Mace try’s to placate the unstable begging jedi and friend In Hopes to deescalate the situation. Whether or not the mission actually ends up gets scraped or not will need to wait until a full discussion and deliberation can happen. For now though he needs for Obi wan to at least think that he’s getting his way. “Ok. That’s fine. We will investigate it.”
Obi wan pulls back, closing off, looking caged and defensive. “No. Your lying your lying your lying- You don’t get it! The force told me, you have to listen! The force tells all right?”

“What the force is telling me is that I’m looking at a very ill man”
Mace reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder with the intention to comfort but Obi wan shoves the hand away with a short huff, and swatting at air a few times after for whatever reason. His glare turning fiery

“Fine. You don’t want to hear the truth then don’t. We have fallen so far in the war why don’t we start intentionally sabotaging ourselves now huh? Just know that if you do this, blood will be on YOUR hands. I warned you windu. Maybe qui gon and Dooku were right” he points a shaking finger in mace’s face face in finality and stalks off somehow seething more then before. Anakin goes to chase after him but mace holds out an arm to block his way with a stern shake of his head. “Give him some time to cool off. The situation is more tedious than I would have hoped. I didn’t like what I saw. Let me talk to the council about the next steps and then I suggest we get him to a mind healer. Even if he’s right, his emotions are unbalancing him to a very concerning degree. I fear the stress has been too much and whatever fragile stability he was maintaining has finally snapped. I just hope we are not to late”

Anakin doesn’t agree fully with the course of action but he stays put and quiet, just nods sharply, fully intending to go find his master the second he has a moment.

What a kriffing mess

Chapter Text

Ben is fine. He’s completely fine. Except for the blatant fact that everything is apparently falling apart. But it’s fine, he can fix this. He can fix it and everything will be fine and no one will have to die. He just needs to think and adjust some plans. He’s concerned about the other Jedi. They are getting suspicious- he knows they are, how could they not? Especially with how often everyone seems to question him. He needs to figure out how to bring their obi wan back to be able to throw them off because Ben is not good enough. Ben isn’t good at imitating his old sure self. But Obi wan was never good enough either…

The endless mantra of No one can know echos in his head even louder then before, because if they do they might get him to stop or it will leak and palpatine will find out and then they are just all screwed. That’s why he’s been limiting himself on what allies he brings into this. It’s why he’s wanted to do this alone with as many fail safes as he could think of. He’s not even sure his probably not a good idea/ unfinished plan will work… kriff he can’t think like that. Could feel his weak hold at composure start to slip. nope. It has to work. There is no option for failure. No one has to fall or die. He just has to keep saying that to himself. It has to work, there is no option for failure. It has to work, there is no option for failure. It has to work, there is no option for failure.
See? It’s gonna be fine

Suddenly alarm bells ring out in his head. The force is trying to tell him something. Something happened, something changed. Kriff. Kriff what is going on? His chest hurts, tight with anxiety. What’s happening? Did palpatine find out? Did anakin fall early? Did someone die?
His comm unit beeps

Your presence is required in the council room, please arrive with haste.

He doesn’t want to go. Doesn’t want to face whatever reality this is. Why is the force screaming danger? His chest hurts so much. Something is wrong.
What does he do? What CAN he do?

He blinks and the halls seem to shift and move about like they have turned to liquid and cloth blowing about in the wind. Like reality is slowly dissolving at the edges of his consciousness. Had the room always been spinning? He blinks a few more times but it only serves to make him more dizzy. Que gon? What? Why is he here? Why is he here now of all times. Standing down one of the hallways that move about like sentient snakes, the blue haze of a force ghost lighting up the small space. He spent forever trying to get his ghost to show. Ages desperately crying out for help. But he never answered. He had resented his old master for not caring about him. That must have been it, he wasn’t good enough and to much of a failure for qui gon to waste his energy on. So why now?! Why did he chose now of ALL the times to show face? Out of all the other times his soul had cried out for help. And now he’s standing there not even saying anything. Just watching in disappointment. Always disapproval. That’s all it’s ever been. He was never good enough for the Jedi, never good enough to be a master, never good enough for jinn. No matter how hard he tried, it was never enough.

it’s probably not even real

Obi wan has to physically fight down the nearly primal growl that wanted to build in his chest. This has to be a funny joke. Because everything has to be a joke. His life has always been a joke. Because why else would good ol dead qui gon show up if not a hallucination to mock him for all his screw ups.

His hands shake in panic and anger as he turns all his turmoil on a man who no longer lives.
“Just how disappointed could you be at this point?! I’m trying my best and it’s not like you were ever there to help!”
The ghost of his late master stares silently. Not giving anything away and Ben’s hackles raise defensively. He has to look away, the clean hole in the man’s chest mocking him even from a distance.
“Just screw off and leave me alone. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
Suddenly cold barely there fingers lightly brush his chin and brings his face forward to look at Qui gon who had apparently moved far closer then he was ready for. Hearing His voice is just as painful as seeing him. But feeling his dead ghostly fingers reminding him of his childhood?
“You are angry” qui says softly
And Ben hardens his hurt gaze into a glare, closes off his bleeding heart, and hisses bitterly.
“Yeah no kriff. No thanks to you or anyone else for that matter”
Qui hums as Ben steps away putting distance between the 2. He doesn’t have the emotional energy to deal with this and master Qui gon is still looking at him and he feels both judged and like that stare is tearing him apart so his master can inspect all his wrong doings and failures of life.
“Stop looking at me!” He yells far louder than he probably should have but he’s losing his grip on everything. “I know I’m a disappointment, you don’t need to rub it in! But guess what?! you died and I only tried my best since then. But my best was never enough. And you never cared to help me along the way.”
Qui sighs sadly “Because you’re grief was to strong. I was worried what seeing me would do to you. I now know I was only hurting you with my absence.”
His eyes start to blur as salt water builds “Save it master.” His eyes burn but he refuses to let them fall. “I don’t need your approval, I don’t need ANYTHING from you or anyone else for that matter”
“I don’t think that’s true” Ben’s breath seized in his throat and water falls quickly as ghostly arms wrap around him and pull him close in the type of hug that makes you feel safe. He shivers and his legs begin to weaken. He hides his face in the crook of his masters neck and shoulder. Fingers clutching and tangling desperately at the force manifested cloak. Looking for whatever he can grasp to ground him as the floor seems to melt away.
his master only pulls him closer and for a brief moment, Ben can pretend that everything is fine.

Except it’s not fine in the slightest. He still hasn’t made significant enough progress and he’s losing time.
this whole time he has been operating on the assumption the fate of the galaxy was on his shoulders alone. Had been fighting a war with that same feeling but now it had exploded into a back braking degree. Because what’s worse than being the only one to know the end to the story? Not being able to share the burden in case palpatine found out and ruined everything. There were to many loose ends. He’s a walking pile of information and he can’t even share half of it because at the snap of a finger Ben will inevitably lose. That’s why he’s been biding his time and trying to do this smartly if not a tad reckless. It was completely idiotic. But he never cared. Because the galaxy and anakin and everything good were worth more than the price of his own soul.

He raises the gates back up, blocking out the comfort. This isn’t right. He pulls away reluctantly and scoffs to himself, turning his back on the blue figure. “You’re not even real. I’m not going to stand here and get lectured from the hallucination of a ghost. You can’t absolve me of anything, I won’t let you. Because if I let you into my head then That will just be proof that I really have lost it. And I can’t afford that”

He sniffs harshly to stop the tears that had built in his eyes and were slowly leaking down his face. He can’t brake. Not now. There is simply to much at stake.

He feels those ghostly fingers rest on his shoulder trying to keep him from moving away but Ben doesn’t turn. Doesn’t want to acknowledge what he knows has to be fake. Because he doesn’t know if he can pull away from the false comfort again.
“Oh Obi wan, the universe has failed you. You don’t shine nearly as bright as you once did. Have you talked to anyone?”
Ben whirls around “I don’t see how it concerns you. Stop talking to me!”
Quick gon frowns “Hey. there’s no need to get so defensive”

Ben knows he shouldn’t keep letting the ghost draw him back in, giving it a place to solidify in his mind, make him harder to ignore but he can’t stop himself, can’t stop the words that seem to waterfall from his lips.
“No no no no NO! I need to be a good Jedi or my whole life has been a waste! Don’t you get that?!”
Master Jin simply sighs and looks incredibly sad.
He says nothing for a long, dragging moment. The silence swells, oppressive, and Ben hates it. hates the pity, the sadness, the unbearable way Qui Gon looks at him like something broken beyond repair. They way that everyone seems to look now days.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Ben snaps, voice sharp and trembling. “You don’t get to look at me like that.”

“You misunderstand,” Qui-Gon says gently, not rising to meet the abrasive and misplaced anger. “I am not disappointed in you. I’m disappointed for you.”

Ben’s breath catches again. A flicker of something. pain, maybe, or the echo of hope he buried long ago… it threatens to surface. “Same thing,” he mutters. “Means the same thing in the end.”

“No,” Qui Gon says firmly. “It doesn’t.”

Ben turns away again, shoulders tense and trembling under the weight of too many years, too many lies, too much guilt. “I don’t have time for this. I have to get to the Council. I have to—” He chokes on the words. “—I have to fix things.”

“And who will fix you, Obi-Wan?”

The unending use of his actual name and not Ben, not the fractured shell he’s worn like armor since everything fell apart cuts deeper than he expects. Deeper then it has since everything started, he can’t ignore it like he usually can. For a moment, he wants to scream at Qui Gon for using it, wants to claw the name off his skin because it no longer belongs to someone who is whole.

He turns, slowly. “There’s no time to fix me,” he says bitterly. “That stopped being an option a long time ago. My spirit died but I brought it back long enough to change things. That’s all I can offer”

Qui Gon steps forward again, and Ben doesn’t move. He’s too tired to run. Too tired to pretend. The air around them hums faintly with the presence of the Force, the stillness like a held breath.

“You’re wrong,” Qui Gon says softly. “You’ve endured more than anyone should ever have to. You’ve carried a burden no one was meant to carry alone. But Obi Wan… the Force never meant for you to do this alone.”

Ben shakes his head, words thick in his throat. “If I share it, people die. If I slip up, Palpatine finds out and we lose everything. I’m doing just fine on my own”

“You’ve already lost yourself,” Qui Gon says, and the sorrow in his voice is unbearable. “And if the price of victory is your soul, is it truly a victory at all?”

Ben doesn’t answer. He can’t. Just looks on in bone deep exhaustion. He doesn’t want to think about this anymore. About anything. Qui gon has always managed to teeter Ben’s emotions out of control, always reprimanded him of that fact and forced him to meditate for the stability of a Jedi. He won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing him losing control now.

“I’ll do what I must. No matter the cost, anything, So I can save as much as I can. That’s all I care about. I won’t change my mind on this. I can do this no matter what you or anyone else has to say on the matter. This wont be another one of my failures- not this time.” He clenches his fists, gives his old master one last complicated look, and walks away. He can’t allow himself to faulter.

This… it changes nothing at all. Just cements the fact that he needs to do more.
More. Always more…. More more more. A Never ending cycle 

Chapter Text

Anakin looks gravely at the object in his hands with a growing sense of dread filling up his soul. He wasn’t meant to find this. But he did. He needs to take this to the council. What other choice does he have? This… this is…

He doesn’t know what yet, but he can feel it in his bones—something about it screams importance. The encrypted files aren’t ordinary reports or mission logs. They feel wrong in the Force. Heavy. Distorted. Like they’ve absorbed the same heavy oppressive energy that has been slowly leaking from Obi Wan for months now.

Anakin stares at the datapad, heart hammering. The screen flickers faintly with security protocols far beyond anything standard. Obi Wan wrote these. Hid them. Layered them in so many firewalls even the Temple’s slicers would have trouble cracking them open.

Why?

He doesn’t want to believe it. He can’t believe it. Not Obi Wan. Not his master, his brother, his anchor. But Obi Wan hasn’t been the same for a long time. The war has twisted them all, but Obi wan had been unraveling. Slowly. Quietly. Elegantly, as always.

And now this datapad.

Encrypted files labeled with strange codewords, The few lines Anakin could decrypt made no sense. Disjointed and incoherent but there was enough listed that made him wonder just how much Obi wan knew and what was simply conspiracy’s. There were notes about things that happened with notations of things he knew nothing about. And there were details upon details of things that haven’t happened. That mission he wouldn’t let him and Ahsoka go on… 

“Force help me…” he mutters, thumb brushing the smooth casing of the device. It feels like betrayal. Feels like madness. But worse—it feels like truth. No it has to just be conspiracy. But it’s still something that was ruining his old master.

this has to be what Obi Wan has been obsessing over. what he’s been chasing in the background while pretending to keep it together for the order. Why he had started going rogue on the Jedi order.

Just files upon files of twisted nonsense that left a bad taste in his mouth.

You need to take it to them says the dutiful voice in Anakin’s head. 

But another voice, deeper, angrier, terrified, snaps back No. If they see this, they’ll destroy him. They’ll brand him unstable. Dangerous. He’ll vanish into some Temple cell and never come back. You do this and you will lose him forever.

But what choice does he have? With the way things have been going it’s a wonder he isn’t lost yet.

He should delete it. Or pretend he never found it at all. But with the way things are, Obi wan would continue to wither away from his own undoing.

It’s decided then… there’s only one choice to make

Oh force, please let Obi wan forgive him of this.

Anakin stands at the ready, hands twitching minutely, betraying outwardly his nerves. The council has always made him feel like he was being aggressively studied. But this is to important for him to put off.

“Thank you for meeting with me councilor’s. With the provided evidence I ask that you keep an open mind. My master needs help. Obi wan is literally losing it, I Know he is. And I know most, if not all of you agree. Or at least know what I’m talking about to some degree.

Over the last few months he has been growing increasingly more paranoid and suspicious. Even going so far as to doing things without approval as you well know.”

He paused and took a shaky breath. He could stop right now, it’s not too late. But if he doesn’t then who knows what trouble his master will get into.

“I…I went to talk with him… but he wasn’t in his quarters. But I did find a suspicious locked holo tablet filled with files and some weird to do list. I know he’s hiding something and I have a feeling he’s about to do something reckless and this holopad holds the answers to what’s been going on with him. I felt it was best to bring this forth”

Mace takes a moment to observe the knight “You are worried young Skywalker”

Anakin’s eyes widen, feeling frazzled “And your not?!”

Mace shoots a look at another master who was about to speak up, silencing them then turns his attention back to the lone man on the floor “Quite the opposite. But we need to act carefully. You know as well as I do how reactive your old master has become. We must keep ourselves in check and observe from all angles”

Anakin stills, nods his head and closes his eyes for a few seconds to calm his erratic thoughts. Mace is right. They have had a few conversations on the matter before now, of course he’s on his side.

“Right.”

The following conversation and investigation through the endless notes was grueling and exhausting.

.

“He’s off his rocker and completely lost his mind! Just look at all this crazy talk and baseless theory’s!”

.

“Well I think the stress has finally cracked him. None of this can possibly be real”

.

“Remember, Pain changes people. And Master Kenobi has suffered more than enough pain through his life. It stands to reason that this was just a long time coming”

.

“But what if he is right? About everything. The only thing I don’t understand is how he could know all of this”

.

“A tragic loss Obi wans sanity is. Caused him to brake, To much pressure the war was. But not gone I sense. Still time we have”

.

“Anakin, we must Thank you for bringing this to our attention.”

Anakin paces the floor in front of the seated council members as they debated,

Master nu not far away running scanners and decoding what she can.

“What are you guys going to do? I mean we have only covered maybe a forth of the information stored in this thing! And what’s going to happen to Obi wan!”

“Unfortunately interagation this means. If false, a healer he must see. If truth we sense, a great burden will befall us all. Neither outcome is preferred”

Mace steeples his fingers, looking done with life and like he’s thinking incredibly hard. He’s certainly feeling all his years weighing heavy on his shoulders.

“We should bring Obi wan into this conversation at this point. We already have plenty of evidence to state our case. Maybe he can shed light on the rest. I only worry what the invasion of privacy will do for him. He has already displayed many concerning behaviors and it’s obvious he is lacking in trust. He needs to know we do not stand against him and we are only doing this for his own good”

Plo stands and pulls out his comm unit “I shall summon him then. I’ll wait outside the doors for him and remind him we are not incriminating him”

“Thank you master Koon” many of the Jedi in the room bow their heads in respect as he takes his leave from the chamber.

Ben hesitantly greets plo koon at the doors and has a deep sense of foreboding that he greatly despises.

“What’s going on old friend? Is everything alright? I was under the assumption that I was to be removed from all council business” he’s still unsure how he feels about that. On one hand it could be seen as lost faith in him but it’s not like he really wanted the position in the first place, he only took it out of a sense of duty when he was approached with the offer. And his removal certainly gave him one less thing to stress over. But it made him feel weird in the worst way possible. Like even though he wasn’t constantly in view of the council, they were always watching him. Waiting for him to slip up.

He’s pulled from his musings as plo places a steady hand on his shoulder and he makes a substantial effort in being totally normal about it.

“Obi-Wan,” Plo says gently, voice muffled behind his rebreather but warm nonetheless. “You look… tired.”

A polite way of saying ‘ You look like death .’ Without being outright. Ben knows it. He knows vaguely what he looks like. It’s hard not to when everyone stares at you waiting for you to fall apart. To pale skin, unkempt hair thats seen better days, eyes bruised with sleeplessness, blood shot and glassy from his no doubt far to high blood pressure levels, growing more and more gaunt as the months pass. and his Force signature is no doubt frayed and flickering like a dying star to those in tune enough to sense it behind his tight shields that he’s maintained since his eyes had been opened. Using what old Ben had learned when he hid from the empire- to keep any part of yourself locked away because any whiff would immediately be known.

He hasn’t slept properly in days. Weeks. Maybe longer. He doesn’t know. The vision and its truth won’t let him. Neither will the knowledge clawing at the back of his skull like a half-formed scream.  He spends every second unwasted that he can spare in planning and researching and compiling proof of everything possible. All while still keeping up with his regular duties.

Still, he forces a smile. Too stiff. Too brittle.

“I suppose that’s fair. But the war hasn’t exactly been restful for any of us, has it?”

Plo tilts his head slightly. He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, his hand lingers just a moment longer on Ben’s shoulder, grounding, as if he’s trying to anchor him to the present. Or keep him from running. Or maybe he’s trying to remind him that he’s still here , still seen —still not alone . Reminds him of the fact that if he fails he will lose them all again.

Ben hates the contact. And he’s grateful for it at the same time. It makes him want to shatter. To let go. But he can’t…

“I came to speak with you first,” Plo says finally, “not as a Councilor, but as a friend. Though… I would be lying if I said there was not cause for concern.”

Ben’s throat tightens. “Ah,” he says, voice thin. “So something did happen. Are anakin and ahsoka ok?” His mind immediately going to Ashoka’s trial. He knew he shouldn’t have put the Barriss issue on the back burner but he thought he had TIME-

Plo doesn’t waste time In bringing him back to his senses. “Yes they are alright for the time being.”

There’s a pause. The corridor is too quiet. Too still . Obi-Wan’s fingers twitch at his sides, the urge to not be still was bottled up beneath the illusion of composure.

“So why am I here” he asks. He tries to keep the question casual. It sounds like glass underfoot.

Plo is stalling for some reason and it makes his heart and arms feel funny.

Plo’s remains unreadable.

“We found something and we wish to have a non incriminating discussion.”

Ben closes his eyes.

Another pause. Plo doesn’t speak. Doesn’t press. Just waits.

Obi-Wan exhales slowly through his nose. He feels like he’s falling without motion, like gravity itself has started to slip.

“‘Non-incriminating.’” He says the words carefully, tasting them like acid. “Well, that’s an interesting phrase. Very diplomatic of you.”

Plo inclines his head slightly, not denying it. “I thought it might help ease the tension.”

“It doesn’t.”

“I expected as much.”

There’s silence again. Heavy, close. The air between them thick with things unsaid. The light from the wall fixture hums softly, the only noise between them besides Obi-Wan’s Measured and overly Controlled breathing.

Plo’s speaks again. “You’ve been carrying a burden, Obi-Wan. A large one. Heavier than most can bear. We… noticed.”

Obi-Wan’s jaw tightens. He doesn’t say ‘ of course you did’ . He doesn’t say ‘ I tried to hide it.’ Like he instinctively wants to. He knows better. Hiding things from the Council is like hiding blood in water. The ripples always spread eventually.

“And?” he says instead. His voice is still hoarse from disuse and stress.

Plo folds his arms, still calm. Still intentionally unthreatening. “And I wanted to let you know that we only wish to have a conversation. Nothing more nothing less. As your friend I can promise you such. This conversation has too many possible outcomes and wanted to remind you first that you are not among enemies.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t answer. Not right away.

He stands there, still and tense, as if waiting for something to leap from the shadows behind Plo’s words. There’s a hollow ringing in his ears, a buzzing in the Force that never seems to stop anymore. like distant alarms going off in a room he can never quite reach. It makes every kindness feel like bait. Every conversation feel like a test.

But it’s Plo. That matters more than he wants it to.

So finally, slowly, he nods. Just once.

“Alright,” he says, and the word tastes like ash in his mouth. “Then let’s… have this conversation .”

Plo gives no reaction beyond a quiet, measured, “This way.”

Even the few steps through the short hallway makes It feel like he’s marching right into the waiting claws of death.

They reach the Council room doors. But Plo doesn’t take them through immediately.

Instead he halts and turns, just slightly, so that he can see him more fully. “You may feel outnumbered,” he says softly, “but know that not all eyes in that room are looking to judge. Some simply want to understand.” He keeps repeating that as if to not let Ben forget it.

It doesn’t make Ben feel better at all.

The doors open at last. The Force feels thin inside the chamber, drawn tight like stretched rubber nearly ready to snap back into place. Ben hesitates, if only for half a breath.

Then he walks in. It’s just as he remembers it. Council members are seated in a loose circle, both holo and physical forms present. There is one empty seat—his old one—glaring like a wound. He doesn’t move toward it. He was still revoked of his standing as one of their rank.

Surprisingly enough, Anakin and master Jocasta nu are in attendance as well.

Mace regards him first. “Thank you for coming, Obi-Wan.”

Yoda’s ears flick, his gaze keen. “Speak with you, we wish. Not judge.”

Obi-Wan nods faintly, just once. Eyes squinted in vague confusion and displeasure.

He doesn’t know the rules of this game yet. He only knows it’s begun.

And this metaphorical chess game might even be harder than the one he has with his grand master or even sidius. Because even though he knows his opponent, they also know him and his tells and plans and strategies.

He squares his shoulders ready for anything.

“Why don’t we start with you explaining your actions regarding knight skywalkers last assigned mission to elaridiea. One you claimed no Jedi should go on and actively tried to sabotage data relating to the planetary system”

Ben slides his feet into an attention stance, back straitened and tense“I had a vision on what would happen to anyone who went there. There is no way we could have helped them and we are spread far too thin as it is.”

“Our own investigation has found that your intuition was correct. I’m sure you will be satisfied to hear The mission has been scrapped. Your were right this time, But you must remember the future is always in motion”

Ben frowns, his hands clasped behind his back spasm “I simply trusted the force. As should the rest of you”

Mace holds a hand out in a calming gesture “Obi wan, please remember that we’re are not here to accuse you of not doing so.”

Another member pipes up “Speaking of accusations, How did you come to find out about pong Krell and his impending betrayal? We saw master plos report and heard of your concerns. I simply find it to coincidental that you simply stumbled your away across such discrepancies”

The voice of master Mundi fills the room “not to mention the Inconsistency’s in your own recent reports”

“Another vision. It told me to look into the matter. I was horrified by what I found and sent the data out to master plo as you know for confirmation. As I told him, I had no idea of his true intentions at the time”

Anakin pipes up for the first time from where he was standing in the back, likely instructed to stay quiet. Head cocked to the side with an incredulous expression “Wait did you just lie?”

Ben turns on him, frenzied energy bursting from his desperate tight yet faltering control “of course not!” No no no! This is wrong

Yoda smacks his staff upon the ground making the noise ring about the room. Much like a gavel in a court room. “Many visions you have had. Unnervingly accurate and strong these ones have been”

Ben whirls back around and glares “Get to the point master” his patience has been ground into dust long before this conversation ever even began.

Anakin walks over to Ben, hands waving about trying to make his point and he backs away once he notices how close he’s getting, unable to stand proximity right now, especially from anakin “Can you just stop being your normally cryptic self for two minutes and just explain what’s been going on with you? Please master! Just tell us What you’re so afraid of and let us help you!”

Ben chokes on a breath of air as anakin forces his way into Ben’s space, chasing Ben closer and closer towards a wall “Just stop! Stop trying to walk on eggshells around me or ask baseless random questions. Everything is fine ok?! I have everything under control!”

His muscles freeze as kit fisto chimes in, worry clear in his tone “Are you sure about that master kenobi?”

Ben scoffs in mild betrayal “Is that what this is about? You doubt me?! I’m not crazy! I’m not!”

Mace presses “Then tell us”

Suddenly indignation erupted “No!” Spit flys from his lips, the noise seems to echo for a moment before he continues “because you will think I’m crazy and I’m not”

“Obi wan-“ he cuts whoever it was off

“I’m not crazy!”

Maces strong commanding voice fills the room “your getting defensive”

Everything is spiraling out of control quickly but he needs them to stop grilling him. He’s fine he’s fine he’s fine- he is not in the wrong here but no one would understand, not a single soul would understand- so instead he screams into a room of people who aren’t listening to him “IM NOT CRAZY!”

There is dead silence. He’s panting and wheezing, he’s panicking and his heart is burning and his body feels numb. The jig saw puzzle of his being that he had been trying to put back together falls apart as if none of the pieces were truly connected in the first place.

His voice shakes and he brings a hand up to his pounding head “This- this is my one man war. Stay out of it”

Yodas voice brakes through the now heavy atmosphere “yet losing your humanity you are. all the morals you hold dear you do. Not this, qui gon would have wanted”

A small whining keen manages to brake out of his vocal cords against his will. Qui gon- it all goes back to qui gon Jin! He keeps haunting him with this shadow of expectation that he can never live up to.

Anakin’s angry voice sounds from right behind him “That’s it. We aren’t getting anywhere with this. Tell me what’s going on right now. What are the Vader files?!”

His Heart drops through the floor and leaves ice cold behind in his veins. It feels almost like his nervous system is attacking itself by the true realization of what is happening in this room

He knows

He knows

HE KNOWS

He would only know that name if he found his secret holopad.
He had encrypted those files. He had buried them under layers and codenames and systems-stress triggers—some of them weren’t even in Basic. There had been algorithms so convoluted only he could interpret the full picture. He hadn’t finished compiling it all, either. It was still fragmented. Fractured.

He thought he had been careful. Not careful enough clearly as he had completely forgotten that the title for everything wasn't included in any of his paranoid failsafe's. What a rookie mistake.

Honestly it’s his own fault for leaving a paper trail at all, that oversight is on him - but it was the only way to keep track of everything AND NOT FORGET

He knows he’s not the most mentally sound in his constantly faltering sanity so he decided not to risk missing any details.

But it has lead to this moment. to Anakin speaking his own future like some sort of twisted premonition. 

Something happens internally that in the moment he can’t identify but it felt like something snapped.

He can’t breathe. Black encroaches on the edges of his vision, he feels frozen like a small rodent staring up at its own demise. He feels crushed under some invisible pressure, whilst every single system internally is firing in alarm.

Yellow. Yellow eyes, fake breathing, red hot molten lava below his feet. Fear and anger.

so much yelling that the words seem to morph into the ones that haunt his mind every single waking and unconscious moment

I hate you - it echos in his head over and over and over all in a split second and reality splinters

He grabs his lightsaber and rips it from his belt clip, igniting it and falling into a practiced stance to keep Vader back. Faint grayish blue Plasma shaking in his hands and his knees threaten to give out.

He Snarls at what once used to be his brother “I have beat you before, I can do it again!” He threatens. He’s hunched over, ready to pounce, eyes unfocused and only seeing Vader. His hair sticks to his forehead cementing the feeling of hot lava surrounding him. The force around him howls, storm like and leaking through his shields in sharp bursts of panic and grief. he has a mission and it is to stop something. he cant quite remember what it is, and until he can figure it out, he has to stop Anakin from destroying whats left... but... something isn't right here.

He hears yelling and blurs of people but he can’t decipher any of it over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. He distantly recognizes the warm tickling feeling in his nose as another nose bleed but in the moment it feels so small a detail.

He backs away, swishing his lightsaber in warning and holding all the shadowed figures back before turning tail and running like his life depended on it.

He can’t bare to fight Ana- no - Vader (Anakin was lost) yet again. It would break his heart ever the more. There were to many empire troopers and inquisitors there in the room with him, he would never have stood a chance. and something internally told him fighting was not the way to go. so instead he runs like a coward lost to any and all senses. 

He runs. 

He runs and he disappears to the one thing that he can sense that feels solid and real. the one thing that no matter what, he can trust when he can't even trust his own mind

Chapter Text

For a long moment after the doors slammed shut, no one in the Council chamber moved other then kit who had tried to run after Obi wan but lost the trail far to quickly before returning to the room filled with Jedi Stunned and shocked into immobility. The silence was absolute. Heavy.

The echoes of Obi-Wan’s lightsaber still seemed to ring faintly in the air, a ghostly hum that had embedded itself into the room like a scar. The dim light reflected the fading trails of his panic, the way the Force still churned violently in his absence—like a storm that had suddenly passed, but left the air thick and charged.

Anakin stood frozen mid-step, his arm still half-outstretched in the direction Obi-Wan had run. Eyes wide in horror“I didn’t mean to—” His voice cracked. “I wasn’t trying to push him. I just—he wasn’t listening. He wouldn’t listen.” Desperation pools at his feet.

Yoda closed his eyes. His ears dipped slightly.

Mace looked toward the spot where Obi-Wan had stood. “His shatter points…” he sighs and rubs at his temples “Those files,” he said grimly. “I fear after this, we can not deny anything in them. We will have to proceed and regarded everything as truth going forward. I can feel it in the force”

Anakin’s hurt twists into anger “so then he really is working with dooku?! How could he?”

“He thought we were enemies,” Kit Fisto said quietly. Ignoring Anakin’s accusation. His usual bright demeanor was gone. “He looked at us like we were already against him. Like he was cornered.” He shook his head slowly. “I’ve seen Jedi break before, but never like that. Never him.”

Shaak Ti, arms folded, stood near the viewport. “He believed he was seeing enemies. Not us. He wasn’t even here anymore. It would appear that Vader isn’t just a code word but reference to a person. Someone violent enough for him to fear and react strongly to.”

“Does it matter?” Ki-Adi-Mundi added, frowning deeply, “he drew his saber on us. We can’t ignore that.”

Plo Koon spoke, his voice the soft steel of someone who isn’t ready to greave any more losses. “He drew it in fear. Not aggression. There’s a difference.” He turned toward the door. “He’s drowning in it. Drowning in the knowledge he hasn’t shared—and the burden it’s placed on him.”

Anakin looks at his hands “then why didn’t he say anything!”

“Because he thought no one would believe him,” Jocasta Nu said gently from her seat in the corner. “Or worse, that we would believe him… and condemn him for it.”

Yoda opened his eyes again. His expression was tired in a way that transcended age. “Long has he carried burdens too large. Loss upon loss. War. Death. Betrayal. Visions without rest. Trust himself, he does not. And so, trust us, he cannot.”

“Then what do we do?” Kit asked. “We can’t just let him run off. He’s unstable. He could hurt himself.”

“Or others,” Mundi added sternly. “We have to face that possibility.”

“No,” Plo said, voice sharp enough to cut through the argument. “We don’t. We don’t turn this into a manhunt. We don’t treat him like a criminal. He’s still Obi-Wan Kenobi. We must remember that.”

“Then what?” Anakin asked. “We just wait around for him to snap again? He was seeing things. He —he was trying to fighting me—and he couldn’t tell who I was.”

“Which means,” Jocasta said gently, “we’re already too late to help him the way we should have. Like to many other Jedi. Mace why didn’t you demand him help ages ago?”

“You all know how he is. He would never have gotten help willingly.”

There was a long, aching silence again.

Mace turned back to the others, arms crossed, the hard edge of a warrior having softened just slightly. “We’ll find him,” he said. “We’ll bring him back. But not like an enemy. Not as someone to punish. But to Get him the help he needs so that we can figure everything out together.”

Many people in the nod their heads solemnly

Anakin lowered his head, anger draining from his posture like air escaping from a cracked shell.

Mace finally gave the order that no one wanted to hear.
“Alert Temple Security,” he said. “Let the Healers know to prepare for… trauma. Let’s also maybe keep this on the down low. We don’t want to cause a panic or discourage anyone in the midst of the war.”

Kit exhaled shakily looking absolutely heart broken

“And send word to Master Vos,” Plo added. “If anyone can find him or get through to Obi wan in such a state, it’s him.”

Yoda nodded. “And perhaps… understand him.”

No one argued.

“To much this war takes” yoda said as many of the members began moving to do their own part in searching for the now missing Jedi.

Mace looks at Jocasta “can you please continue to decode what you can, that may aid in helping us understand what has shaken Obi wan so much. Anakin, want you to stick with me for the time being. I want you to tell me everything starting at the beginning. The more we know the more we can help”

“Of course”