Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

That it will never get better is what makes this so unbearable, was the last thing in Han Yoojin's mind as he jumped off the railing. He fell head first as the ocean welcomed him in his humiliating state. This is it, or so he thought.

You see, dear reader, when a person willingly jumps into an ocean with a sober mind brimming with consciousness, they do so in hope of not facing tomorrow. So it does come off as quite surprising when Han Yoojin finds himself waking up on a luxurious bed that he's sure he had never had the imagination to dream. Or hope.

Since hope had ceased him long ago.

Now, Han Yoojin was not a stranger to these sort of tropes. He knew there were many webnovels and manhwas getting popularized these days with a certain similar plot of the main character transporting to another world. The difference, however, was that the main character often remembered the story they have isekaid in and it proceeds with their plan to change the plot for their survival.

Han Yoojin laid on this luxurious bed as two things crossed his mind.

First, he has no idea which story he has stumbled in as he could not recall reading any historical novel in past five years. Simply to say, he is a complete stranger to this new world, his new self and this supposed new self's past history.

Second, the water.

The water was blue and cold.

Rapture of the deep. Yoojin had learnt about this, back when he still went to school. It's also called nitrogen narcosis. It's a similar situation to being drunk. Drunk and exhilarated by the surrounding water which is beautiful and calm until the neuromuscular function of the brain changes due to inhaling too much inert gas leading to change in decision making ability, miscalculation and perception. Which is the reason by the diver keeps on going deeper into the abyss of water knowing nothing good will come out of it.

The water was so blue and clear then.

Hypothermia. It's not a strange condition but the human body's response is quite strange. When the sudden drop in temperature of the surrounding occurs, the body directs all the blood to major organs such as brain and heart to keep it alive. This allows the human to feel a sensation of over heating which may give them a delusion of warmth.

Right before they die.

Han Yoojin clearly remembers the vast and beautiful ocean surrounding his body, his muscles relaxing due to the warm hug provided by the otherwise very freezing water. If he could, he would have recited a poetry, added a few metaphorical aspects it it. Something about the warm hug by a cold peron. Or something about the crazy states of delusional minds.

(That's why the drowned bodies of people found are always smiling, despite being claimed that drowning is a painful process. Maybe it was God's final gift of love to suffering of human body.)

But then he died, that's what he believes.

And ultimately, he's here being provided by a different kind of warmth by the comforter.

Coming to the conclusion that he's utterly clueless and alive, so very alive, he slowly raises his hand and examines the tips of his fingers. Clenching and unclenching his fist, Yoojin wonders about this strange situation, trying to avoid the trembling of his fingers at the memory of the ocean.

Similar to how it is easier to commit a crime twice when a person has already done it once, it is easier to die the second time when one has already experienced it once.

So Yoojin feels it's okay to be a little reckless this time around. Right?

Chapter Text

tan lare to tan muk jaaye
rooh jure to juri reh jaaye

if bodies meet, bodies come to an end,
but if the soul meets, it remains attached (forever).

The best course of action would be to pretend to have amnesia, Han Yoojin thinks as he slings his legs off the bed and tries to stand. He has already assessed that he's from a noble origin, if the luxurious clothes and surroundings are taken as evidence. He steps towards the ridiculously large window of the ridiculously large room and tries to soak himself in the warmth of the sunlight.
I'm not going to get used to this anytime soon, he thinks as he tries to shove back the memories of ocean's depths in the back of his mind.

Suddenly, the door opens and strides in a quick-footed young lad with almost a spring in his walk,

“Young master, you're awake! I made a bet with myself that you would wake early on the day of the ball and it seems like I've won.”

“What?” Yoojin unconsciously replies to this very good looking guy with an idiotic expression on his face. He had blonde hair framing his face which gave him the appearance of a soft boy kind of character. Those kind of character are either very naive or very sly.

“Hey! Can you just barge into my room just like that? Shouldn't you knock first?!” Yoojin tries to act mad to assess the position of this guy.

The guy startles a little and replies, a little hesitant, “Uhh young master, I apologise, I must've crossed a line in the shadow of your benevolence. Y-you must have been in an anxious mood because of the upcoming ball--”

“Ball? There's a ball? Today?”

“Yes! Young master! You must've been very excited!!! We travelled for days to arrive at capital and I, Park Hayul, your loyal servant have already arranged for your robes and jewellery. You must be very proud...”

Ignoring the blabbering of this idiot, Han Yoojin understands that this soft blondie is a servant but considering his looks, he may be a significant character. Also, they are residing in the capital and are here to supposedly attend a ball.

“I'm hungry.” Han Yoojin mumbles and waves Park Hayul off to prepare his breakfast.

After being left alone again, Yoojin tries to unravel the situation a little. Usually an event such as ball in these royal type stories are important plot points. He's definitely going to meet the main characters there.

But it would be quite stupid to just barge into the ballroom without any prior knowledge about this world and the people of this world.

Deciding to do a little research, Yoojin starts throwing open his drawers for recieved letters, there's quite a pile of them. Most of them contained greetings and asking for his companionship during the ball. One, however, catches his eye. The letter is enveloped in a beautiful beige paper with gold designs on them. The special thing about the envelope is that it has no sender or even a receiver's name but considering it lies in Yoojin's hands, the receiver is obvious.

[June 5th, Wednesday evening]

The imperial knights have announced the negotiations between both the major continents. It is a time for celebration and indeed, the royal ball is being held along with all the streets decorated to welcome glory and peace.

I am also celebrating, thus, by writing to you. It is something that brings me the utmost joy. I love you. I spend all my time thinking about you.

Last night, i had a very peculiar dream. I dreamt of a place where I'm meeting with many people but I don't feel included. In the dream, you were holding my hand but talking to someone else and I felt as if I'm holding you back. You had this gorgeous smile on your face to match your gorgeous attire, I felt quite ugly in your presence. But suddenly just like a kaleidoscope, the dream changes and I'm running away from that place. My hand is still in yours and you're running with me. Your pace, your breathe, your laughter, everything is matching along mine as we run through the crowd.

We were running so fast that we couldn't see ahead. We were running so fast that our feets almost left the ground beneath.

We were flying.

And Yoojin, in that moment, I didn't care if I'm the ugliest man on earth as long as your hands are in mine. I didn't care if your other hand is holding someone else's. As long as you are with me, I think I could survive anything, any obstacle.

Where were we running to, Yoojin? In my dream, we reached a gate and I remember having this strongest will to open the gate and leave. I've never felt such strong feelings before, be it in a dream. But as soon as we reached the gate, I woke up.

What kind of dream was it? What was beyond that gate? I am utterly confused and you must take me for a fool who is so fixed on a dream. Surely, having you in my arms will calm my conscience.

You have to grace me with your presence, Yoojin. I will take your hand for the first two dance. I wish to spend the whole evening with you but I know of many admirers you have.

I'm looking forward to the ball.

Oh my god. I have a lover. Han Yoojin trembles at the thought of that, a chill running up his spine at reading the passionate letter.

It's an iffy feeling, Yoojin concurs, to be loved. So ardently at that. Romance is not something he has ever indulged in. He's pretty sure having a bit of affair here and there would've not lead him to kill himself.

But he doesn't have the time to feel giddy as he literally has no idea who that lover is and how the hell is he supposed to dance in a ball when he doesn't even know the proper customs of this world, let alone a dance. Ah and the negotiation of the continents seems to be a big event.

“Park Hayul! How much time is it until the ball?” He asks, his supposed servant who has managed to efficiently prepare the breakfast by now.

“We've yet to pick up your robes. Then we will--”

“How much free time to I get before all this trouble?”

“Uhh...if you wish to look around the capital, then we can spare few hours..”

“How many hours?”

“One...Two!”

“Alright, leave me alone. I'll meet you in two hours.”

“Oh alright, young master.”

His servant scurries away and Yoojin decided to spend this two hours to find out as much as he can about this this world, especially the negotiations. Ah but first, let's have this mouthwatering breakfast. When was the last time he ate to fill his stomach?

Chapter Text

Your god comes and he is ordinary and terrible.

- portrait of the illness as nightmare, Leila Chatti

Han Yoojin has never seen food look so delicious, granted he's never had the luxury of even working in a 5 star restaurant, let alone eat there. Though he assumes it is a shame to compare royal fantasy food to modern korean food.

The delicacy of food can only be assumed by him since he's only recently come to realisation that it's quite impossible for him to fill his mouth.

When he took a bite from the breakfast earlier, he immediately felt choked and all the air from his lungs disappeared with vanish. Despite the fact that he hadn't even swallowed the food, there was such a strong pressure on his chest that made him immediately spit the food out. It must be the drowning, he thought. It must be the aftermath of the traumatic experience of having ocean water fill your lungs, throat, mouth, nose and all the places he wasn't quite aware he could even feel. To his surprise, even the beating of his heart felt like a trapped bird beating the cage in desperation.

Ah, it's going to take some time to get used to eating.

Which is the reason why Han Yoojin is now standing near the tables of delicious food and admiring them from afar, hardly bearing the smell of it all. Despite not having eaten anything since morning, he doesn't feel faint or even a bit hungry. There is something else gnawing at his chest that even the comfort of this luxurious olive green suit cannot soothe.

The hall is decorated beautifully, and although Yoojin expected it to be so, it's still bitter to see the blinding lights and the flowers and all the miscellaneous things he feel such a stranger to. He blames the anxiety building in his body to be the anticipation of meeting his supposed lover but even he has accepted that the lover has not been something constant on his mind.

Truth to be told, one cannot expect much excitement from a dead man.

The royal palace is being filled by guests yet, everyone dressed lavishly and boasting loudly. Discussions about the alliance, gossips, admirations and accusations contributing to the noise of the festivities. Han Yoojin has mostly tried to stay away from the general crowd.

He decides to walk away from the table of food when the smell becomes unbearable, though he doesn't seem to care much about his reputation but gagging at royal food might end up with him under guillotine and it wouldn't be a fancy way to go.

As soon as he finds himself drifting his eyes towards the crowd, his eyes land on someone and a chilling sensation travels down his body upon finding himself making eye contact with the man.

Something is definitely wrong, his instincts scream at him as he freezes at his spot. The man deliberately keeps an eye contact with him, not minding the few ladies beginning to surround him. Just when Han Yoojin feels the sudden urge to look away, the man's eyes glides down towards his body, travelling slowly up and down, making eye contact with Yoojin again. Han Yoojin would have definitely assumed he's being checked out if not for the extremely scary stoicism on the man's face. Now, Yoojin was convinced he was being observed.

Accepting the challenge, Yoojin keeps the eye contact with the man until another lady pokes the man for his attention. Yoojin tsks and looks away too, too annoyed to reject the feeling of anxiety and dread filling his body.

Who can that man be? He is sure that could not have been his lover as the man's gaze was too wary to be mistaken for affection. And he is sure his lover is someone bold by the letter but again, one letter was not sufficient to characterize someone.

Putting his mind to test, Han Yoojin tries to take a subtle glance at the man again. He is tall and have short black hair, styled neatly. His physique is extraordinarily attractive but Yoojin deliberately tries not to put too much attention to the broad shoulders and those pecs that he's definitely sure is bigger that...ahem...what catches Yoojin's attention is the uniform that man is adorning. It's a beautiful maroon with highlights of gold.

A member of the royal guard.

Yoojin can rely on the two hour self-education before the ball to confirm that this man is a high ranking royal guard.

And someone especially adored by ladies despite the scary and indifferent aura he gives off, ladies perhaps prefer such men, one such handsome as that.

“It's certainly a celebration for the ladies I must say.” Yoojin starts a conversation with the guy next to him.

The guy startles and looks at him with wide eyes as though surprised to know someone wants to talk to him.

“Uhh...yes..” His eyes travel to the royal guard Yoojin was pointing at, “Song Taewon is quite... popular among ladies...and uh...well...everyone.”

Bingo

Now he has a name to put on the face.

Yoojin fakes a laugh and pats the guy on his back, suddenly realising the height of this guy was also remarkable.

“Loosen yourself a little, Myeongwoo. You seem so stiff as if you're talking to a stranger. We're old pals after all, don't you remember me?”

“What? I certainly don't...”

“How can you not? We were so close back then we had diapers on. We even played among sands, I was almost certain we'd hug each other out but I saw you looking at me as if I'm a stranger. I guess it's the war.”

Yoo Myeongwoo'e eyes goes wide again and his slouched shoulder somehow relaxes as he tries to put on a smile, as if sorry to not recognise Han Yoojin.

Of course, Yoo Myeongwoo does not recognise Han Yoojin. They've never met before. In his very satisfied two hour self-education, Yoojin managed to find out many things about this world.

The most important among them was the war. And the negotiations between the continents finalising the ceasefire...was led by a marriage association between the empire's crown prince and the neighbouring continent's most prestigious kingdom's dutchess. The names were quite hard to learn and Yoojin didn't put much effort into knowing useless information he'd ever have any need of. This ball is being held to finalise their union.

He didn't care about any marriage between anyone.

However, he did learn about the damage caused by the war which led him to learn few things about the inner turmoils. Yoo Myeongwoo is the son of the county bordering the empire, thus someone most affected by the war. Han Yoojin's territory lays near north of the capital, and he is the elder son of duke himself, it is practically impossible for them to have met before.

But Yoojin considers himself street smart and not so far from truth as he manages to gaslight Yoo Myeongwoo into thinking that his trauma of war has ended with loss of memory.

With a satisfied hum, Yoojin continues to make small talk with Myeongwoo, who although hesitant, eases into the conversation.

Time goes by quickly as bell chimes, indicating the arrival of the royal family followed by a loud voice of a guard announcing the same, attracting everyone's attention.

It is a famous saying, “They have their demons, we have our empress.” that goes to show the extremely well-received beauty of the empress that rivals even the demons designed to specifically attract people. Yoojin likes the motion of the saying however he still finds it silly.

But indeed, the gorgeous empress was no silly matter. She appears in a stark white dress, the bodice hugging and accentuating her full figure as she moved languidly towards the high platform, aware of being the centre of attention. Her long white hair is falling open behind her back unlike the other ladies who have their hair tied up in intricate hairstyles. One cannot decipher her age by her looks which can be blamed on the fact that she is the highest grade mage of the empire.

Just like everyone, Han Yoojin's eyes stay focused on the empress, making him unaware of the imperial prince trailing behind her. Especifically the fact that the eyes of the imperial prince are tracing his very own figure.

“Welcome to all the citizens of my land. It is my utmost pleasure to see such joyful faces. I am too filled with joy as I announce the union of my son and...”

A loud noise of a bomb going off interrupts the empress' speech. Everyone starts panicking at the scene of quite frankly a piller collapsing into rubble in front of their eyes, along with number of men in black uniform popping out of places, threatening everyone with weapons and more magic bombs.

So this is where the plot starts, I guess. Han Yoojin thinks, relaxed at his spot while he notices Yoo Myeongwoo beside him fainting with shock.

It is quite a scene, Yoojin notices. High society nobles who treated themselves as invincible panicking at the face of death, running around and hiding behind each other. The guards however are immediate with their actions in ensuring people's safety.

Amused and not really feeling any sense of fear, Yoojin tries to take a glance towards the empress who is now being blocked by royal guards, his eyes catching the bright golden eyes of imperial prince who is looking directly at him...wait, looking directly at him? Yoojin whips around to see something behind him that might have caught the prince's attention but cannot find anything beside mayhem. He turns back to look at the prince only to see royal mages having already formed a strong barrier between the royal family and citizens.

That man was definitely looking at me, he thinks as he silently curses at them.

Am I going to die? Well, it's a shame. I would have at least enjoyed that promised dance with my lover.

The panicked noises increases and almost blurs into background as the rotten pungent smell of gun powder and whatever the magic bombs are made of fills the air along with dust from rubbles. Yoojin staggers a little but realises two strong arms circling around his figure before he's being lifted from the ground.

Before he can react, the man jumps around the strong rubble falling towards them and runs while carrying him.

“Hey! What the he--wait a minute!” Yoojin yelps and flails his limbs around, not knowing how to react to his sudden superhero. He can't even comprehend what to say since he has no idea whether they are acquaintances.

After the man accesses the nearby surroundings to be on the safer side, he puts Yoojin down, letting him flop unceremoniously on the ground.

“Hey you! Is my life more important that the royal family you're supposed to protect?!” Yoojin yells at the man already leaving.

Song Taewon doesn't find it necessary to answer.