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Chapter Text

I had a crazy idea.

It a mixture of a lot of one piece theories regarding luffy’s family.

First off , Instead of imu sama being luffy’s mom.I am making imu sama as luffy’s great grand “mother”.

Why?

Because here is how it works,

Imu sama is the immortal ruler of the world government (pronouns are them and they. despite this they prefer female fashion),But secretly yearns for freedom , but can’t because of the responsibility of running the government.

Quoting from a Reddit post, “To make it simple: Imu ……..related to ya boi Joy Boi and because she is a a ruler she Needs to act like one in front of everyone….”

Imu sama may not be able to experience “full freedom”. however ,when they did have free time ,they would traveled around the world and go sightseeing in a disguise.

During this they met a young man named……….

……..xebec d rocks.

Yes that rocks.

But during this time ,rocks isn’t a pirate yet.

Or maybe he was just starting out .

What happens between imu and rocks was what started out as a friendship ,Then to lovers and yeah they banged.

Resulting a adorable baby girl ,The princess of Mary geoise. For now, we call her “Yriaf”  for simplicity sake.

After Yriaf birth, rocks loves his daughter but still left to continue his pirate career.Which made imu bitter and  harbor a grudge against pirates.

Imu and xebec broke up and went on to their separate ways,Imu takes Yriaf with them,But allows xebec to call from den den mushi ,writes letters and sent presents to their daughter ,Using a cipher pol agent (who swore secrecy )to deliver the mail.

Yriaf grew up to be a kind and benevolent woman despite being the princess of Mary geoise.  She disliked the attitude of the celestial dragons and slavery.

She treats people like her equal and tries her best to free the slaves and help treat/heal/nurse the injure/sick ones until they are healthy to go home or stay with her (she would pay them with wages)if they don’t have a place to stay.Sadly, she was banned from buying more than six slaves per month by imu sama.

Imu sama didn’t do this to be cruel,They are worried about Yriaf getting the wrong people’s suspicions. Imu sama  honesty didn’t like the whole slavery system ,But the majority of the world nobles wanted this and imu have to go along. otherwise imu will become unpopular and risk getting deposed or worse case scenario,Getting Killed.

As much power imu has,Imu can’t protect Yriaf if all the world nobles voices their disapproval (Kinda like Garp’s situation ).

because of this ,Imu is strict with their daughter.Eventually Yriaf ran off to her father’s ship to get some fresh air from the royalty business. There she met her father’s crew and develop a relationship with one of the crew mates. Rocks is fine with it,after a long shovel talk.

Imu sama,However…… is a total different story.

Imu straight up disapproves.

But there is nothing imu can do, Other than sending cipher pol assassins to watch but not kill the crew mate who caught their sweet daughter’s eyes.

Yraif marries the crew mate,Whose name is Edward Newgate,Yes that Newgate.

Their child would eventually be known as crocodile.

Yes that crocodile.

Then imu noticed changes in rocks as the years goes by,How by each passing year,Xebec getting even more crueler and unhinged, starting to have bloodthirsty ambitions thanks to his devil fruit that messed up his brain, until imu can no longer recognized the man they had used to loved.

For now,Xebec’s sanity is barely keeping together thanks to his paternal love for their daughter .But imu is not taking any chances if one day xebec snaps and cause irreversible harm to his own crew and potentially to imu’s family. Besides,Imu is still mad about xebec choosing career over them and the lack of child support other than toy stuff animals and unhealthy snacks. Yes ,imu can be petty like that.

So imu hires a hit on xebec, saying xebec is a terrorist threat and a crazy manic. Then sends a message to the elders to inform the world government of this dangerous individual.

Battle of god valley happens and imu takes back Yriaf. Gives her a decision to either take crocodile and never met up with Edward again or hand the custody of crocodile to Edward and forbids yriaf from meeting them again, save for one day per 5 years. Imu allows for calling via den den mushi  for during  the whole time but that’s it .

The princess chose the 2nd option and tearfully waved good bye to her love and child.

Years pass, crocodile left the white beard pirate crew and joins the revolutionary. Also get knocked up by monkey d dragon.

When Imu founds out , they are not pleased ,  But At least they gotten a great grand child out of it.

His name is ……

Monkey d luffy.

Pure Chaos.

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Fan headcanons and Things

about imu sama  

• Imu sama has crocodile’s skin color/tone. However,Imu sama skin is a bit grayish. 

• Imu looks like crocodile but more feminine and has more feminine features , however ,Imu is more shorter and has a more cute and elegant appearance.

• imu has black and white hair that splits in the middle.

• imu smokes occasionally, especially during the times they traveled with xebec long time ago.

• Imu easily gets jealous, it can be best explained by this,

xebec: you’re the most jealous noble I know.😄❤️

imu: you know other nobles?!😡💚

xebec:……what?(gives them what the F is wrong with you/ are you serious look)

• imu is hands down the worst in law. They passive aggressive trolls their in laws mercilessly and doesn’t approve of any of them. But let’s be honest, Imu hates almost everyone.

• imu wasn’t very tall, yriaf was a little taller than imu due to xebec’s genes mixing with imu’s, crocodile’s is taller than his mother thanks to whitebeard’s genes . Luffy haven’t hit his maternal family’s growth spurt yet.

• Imu may be a asshole in law, but they are a doting grandmother and great grandmother,They are a type of grandparent that gave presents to their grandchildren every time they visit, in imu’s case, it’s a entire luxury yacht of presents of clothes,toys and quilts, They would also bring the trio more food and personally make the food themselves if they have to, yelling, “you all need to eat more ! Why are You kiddos so skinny! Garp ! What are you feeding these kids? Marine rations and water?!”

not like the kids mind, more meat and food for them! Their stomachs won’t mind since they are like black holes!

• Imu crafted an image of themselves as a elegant, powerful,and mysterious king of the world government. reality, they are more of those types of people who kept up the trends and pop culture. It also helps that imu still looks like they are in their 20s.

There is this time where imu try to get into a gothic rock band, that ended very strangely.

another time is where they dragged Yriaf , crocodile and luffy into a beauty pageant against boa Hancock . They somehow got  Ivanvok to turn the boys temporarily into girls. That ended with a most of the audience fainted with blood loss and even nearly died because of nosebleeds  ….. even the women audience and the judges.

imu can’t catch a break

imu: Why can’t my daughter marry a good upstanding man, I don’t mind if she decides to elope with a marine or a commoner. I hope crocodile date anyone but a pirate.

dragon: *exists , picks up crocodile in a bridal carry* hello grandmother in law.😐

Doflamingo: 🤬 croccy is mine!

Akainu : No mine!

mihawk : …….Why am I here? Ah well at least I got quality entertainment. Who do you think would win?

buggy: 😰 n- no idea.

Imu: ……..🙂

imu: I changed my mind, looks like bad taste in men is genetic.

About  yriaf  

-Imu sama often calls their situation and their position in the world government as “the gilded golden cage”

-Yriaf calls it “walking on a tightrope “

-Even though Imu sama and crocodile has the same skin color/tone.( Imu sama skin is a tad bit more shade darker grayish.) Yriaf doesn’t have it ,Her’s skin is Apricot colored,“Looks like the skin tone skips a generation.”

-yriaf took after her father’s family,but does have the her facial features and body shape from imu. Her hair is deep dark  pink, the dark red part from xebec and mixed in with imu’s white part of their hair.

-Yriaf full title is her royal highness,the high saintess Yriaf, the Princess of Mary geoise, the heir apparent to the world government .

-Yriaf isn’t really her true name,This is simply a name she and imu used for formal businesses.

about crocodile 

-crocodile is actually in impel down as a vacation from all the crazy bullshit in his life.

-doflamingo nearly has an heart attack when he found out about crocodile’s powerful family members and in laws ,And also the fact that he flirted with the heir apparent to Mary geoise.

crocodile introduced doffy to family

(doflamingo is running and carrying crocodile in a bridal carry)

Crocodile: RUN faster,Doffy!

Doflamingo : I’M TRYING!!!! YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT YOUR GRANNY IS THIS SCARY!!!! 

Doflamingo : (Sees dragon and the rest of the family joining in) OR YOUR EX!!Fuck ! YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IS CRAZY!

Imu sama : (running and holding a chainsaw) NO grandson of mine’s is going to marry a man with BAD FASHION TASTES!!!!

(In the back we see dragon and a crowd behind him,Including a one with whitebeard’s mustache.)

Imu backstory part 1

imu was the child of joy boy, the king of the great kingdom in the void century, that was wiped from existence.

they weren’t really the “legitimate” child, king joy boy already has many other children as well. Imu doesn’t really stands out other than their other parent is supernatural at origin.

imu wasn’t called imu back then, they goes by a different name, but they have long forgotten it.chibi imu actually kinda physically and mentally resembles their great grandchild ,luffy when they are younger.

as a child, they are bright,curious, and adventurous, they are always looking new places and hiding spots hidden around in the kingdom. As well as a large vivid imagination of their own little pretend kingdom. Life was pretty happy for the little prince/ess.

one day ,at the age of 5,chibi imu stowaway on a merchant ship leaving the kingdom , little imu have always wondered what is life outside the kingdom other than what their father has  read out loud from the books, when mini imu ask their father the permission to travel around the world , he just laughs and ruffles their hair and tells chibi imu that they go when they are a little older, but mini imu decided screw it and got on the ship.

chibi imu manage to survive undiscovered  on that ship for 2 days. on day 3 , there was a terrible storm and the ship sank.very few people survive , Imu manage to survive by hanging onto a piece of drift wood. But the shock has given them amnesia , they didn’t remember anything before they woken up on that drift board and then wash up on to an island other than the memory of their father’s comforting smile.

on that island , they found by a man, the previous user of the ope ope no mi fruit. The man, the royal advisor of the Nerona Kingdom which the island is part of their territory.

Why the advisor is on the island? To collect coconuts for coconut custard pie! This particular island is known for the best natural coconuts and the king of nerona got depressed because he just found out he can’t have kides. So the advisor decided to make his king’s favorite food to cheer him up.

then he had the shock of his life ,when  he saw a passed out child on the sandy shoreline on the island.

—————> to be continue in next chapter

Chapter Text

Imu is secretly a passive aggressive troll, they are a type of person who like to mess with people passively aggressively just to get a reaction out of people, why? They are bored and looking for quality entertainment.

Their number one victims of their trolling are their in-laws.

For example, not officially releasing ace until whitebeard calls them.

really, imu would have released ace anyway.at least, They would have if they didn’t know luffy would start the biggest jailbreak of all of impel down’s history. 

But since imu knew luffy would have done something like this, Imu opt to sit back, get some popcorn,hack into impel down’s security cameras and watch the shitshow goes down,all while crackling manically.

Imu’s plan for ace’s “execution” had many layers,

First, ace would be placed in level 6 to not get anyone suspicions, however, ace would be place in a cell with a whitebeard allies and near crocodile , ace’s adoptive parent.  

Why crocodile is in jail?  That’s a story for another time.

Any way, there will be no torture.

Second step, is waiting for what white beard would do. If he calls imu to bail ace out, imu would sent a forged Id, fake offical looking background papers and various important forged documents to the marines to release ace.

The fake cover story background for ace?

Ace would be a mental patient that some how escaped the mental hospital and ended up on a whitebeard’s ship.

What Roger’s son?

What whitebeard’s commander?

All I see is a poor delusional mental patient.

This is all to make ace look like a falsely accused victim and the mental patient part is for just in case ace say something stupid like.. saying any thing related to whitebeard pirates.

Unfortunately, whitebeard forgot he can call his mother in law. Can you blame him with his old age? So that leads to next phase.

Third, wait for luffy or ace himself to bust ace out of prison. Imu wanted to see how well they can do when it comes to teamwork, escaping, and obstacles course. Think of it as a life or death escape room / jailbreak game that only imu and yriaf  knows , (really, imu would make sure both two boys come out alive after this.). The game is still time limited and there are sea stone  cuffs to add in the difficulty.

If they fail this, phase four would start.

Due to yriaf’s protests and personal favoritism, the war of best would never happen. Once all the players are gathered and ace is on the platform, Imu timed it so once the message for ace full pardon arrive, ace would live, no one dies or get hurt, and ………

To divert attention, to not disappoint reporters and the seething elders, Imu broadcast old records of some embarrassing stories of whitebeard’s crew and the ex rocks pirates to the public *.

How imu got this? Imu kept hidden recorders and Cameras on xebec’s ship to keep watch on yriaf  in her years on her father’s ship. That continues to moby dick to watch crocodile . This plan was made by imu and shakky,  when Yriaf  called her for help.

Imu is really a terrible in law.

*Idea by ace lives fan fiction 

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Imu ,yriaf  and the whitebeard’s crew

impel down and marine ford notes

• Yriaf  also regards whitebeard’s other sons and daughters as her own. Her unofficial favorite adoptive sons are Marco, thatch, and jozu.

• imu was more reluctant, but secretly their fav adoptive grand son is actually izo.  
  
  
• both yriaf  and imu agree Tate is no.1 best girl . They also agree on their least favorite and that goes to teach, they felt something is off about teach and they are proven right after they found out what teach has nearly done to crocodile.

• imu ranted about how blind and dumb Edward Newgate is about the red flags on Blackbeard. It made imu’s view on whitebeard plummet to the underground. Yriaf tries to defend her husband but knew her mother does have a point.

• it was until after teach betrays whitebeard,heavily injured thatch and kidnapped ace , is when both ladies snapped and committed bloody torture homicide.there is wasn’t much left of teach after that incident, legends said that the Blackbeard pirates are still trying to find all the pieces of Blackbeard after marine ford.
•  the ladies pulls some strings to get ace in a safer cell, meaning a cell with a whitebeard ally aka jinbei . It was across  crocodile’s “cell” where he has it all for himself.  ( later ace was moved to share the same cell with crocodile, crocodile has adopted ace and Sabo years ago when he was reunited with luffy.)

• crocodile’s cell is a luxury five star hotel compare to the rest of impel down cells. He got a tv, shelf full of books, a “service” bell, where he can get delivery of  takeout food from nearby restaurants, newspapers are delivered to his cell, unlimited visitor hours that he can pick and choice who to talk with and any thing he want.  
• And crocodile was embarrassed by the whole thing. Crocodile is very prideful and independent. He is not a nepo baby and definitely won’t go running and crying to mommy,daddy or even granny if trouble comes around. He prefer to deal with his own problems and would get annoyed when his parents and granny interferes.

• The first time yriaf visited crocodile, crocodile got so embarrassed that he wouldn’t show his face for days. How would he look like a tough, formidable and no nonsense ex warlord ,if his mom visited him, in front of the other inmates!   
  
  
• imu is very willing to make a get-out-of -jail card for their family , but due to yriaf’s  stubbornness,crocodile’s pride, and luffy ‘s tendencies to have adventures and not “ cheat” it went unused. Imu still sometimes bails them out (whether the descendants like it or not)when they found themselves in a deeper pickled that requires imu’s inference. (Ex. When luffy punched a celestial dragon)

Chapter Text

In imu’s opinion,their expectations is a wedding fit for a princess.

• There will be a formal attire dress code.

• Elaborate flower arrangements, especially the bridal bouquet, with only white flowers and pure white lilies.

• There will be a fine dining reception menu and a large multi tier cake.

Imu: It’s going to be the wedding of the century!

However, Imu still have to share the wedding planning with xebec.

And xebec have no clue in wedding planning, so xebec dump the work to his crew.

So, the members of the rocks pirate (excluding the groom,bride and the captain) spins a bottle to pick the main wedding planner (mostly cuz none of the male members want to do the wedding planning )and the bottle landed pointing to Kaidou.

Kaidou, of course don’t know how to plan a wedding, so he reached out to the girls for help.

Here is how the work is split:

Imu: flower arrangements, (some of) the guest list, and the wedding cake. And actually finance the wedding cost.

Shakky and stussy : the bride’s dress, the groom’s suit/tuxedo,the costume and makeup design.

Linlin: seating arrangements, chose the design of the bridesmaids outfit.

Streusen: the chef, plan the whole reception menu, he can’t bake the cake cuz imu put their foot down and said no.

Kaidou: every thing else, including the alcohol.

The wedding is of course, set on the rocks pirates ship.

The people attending the wedding are

• the rocks pirates

• Imu

• some  cipher pol agents

• gol d Rodger ( for reasons unspecified)

• 2 out of the five elders

• the world government commander in chief

• along with 3 important trio, sengoku, garp and tsuru.

There are no other celestial dragons cuz imu believe they can’t behave themselves and their aesthetics ruined the wedding vibe.

You would think it dangerous for two enemies in one ship. Fortunately, Imu brought a some super strong champagne and they all became black out drunk right after the wedding toast . They can’t remember much about the the wedding afterwards , Cuz by then , Imu drag all of the world government side back to their yacht and sailed away.

Imu build up alcohol tolerance over the years after dealing and putting up with the celestial dragon’s stupidity.

So a simple champagne won’t hurt them.

So here is the reality breakdown:

• Xebec crying

• Gloriosa the bridesmaid and her snake are drunk

• Shakky the bridesmaid holding a cardboard red heart saying, “for the newly weds privacy”
  
  
• Yriaf  and Edward Newgate making out.
  
  

Yriaf: I love you , Eddie!

Edward Newgate: I love you too, fairy!

• stussy holding a wine glass, 

Stussy the bridesmaid:what is this wedding?

• Charlotte linlin the maid of honor has caught the throwaway bouquet /bridal toss bouquet. Also ate the entire cake.
  
  
• Imu being salty

imu : the wine taste like crap and linlin ate the entire cake that I sent.

Imu:Who ever planned this subpar wedding  must be sacked.

imu: And Yriaf’s  groom looks….. homely.

• Kaidou, super pissed cuz he tries so hard

kaidou: Well excuse ME, your highness, HOW CAN WE GET GOOD WINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA?!

 Despite imu’s complaints, the wedding went well.

other than the missing cake,xebec’s tears flooding the decks and drunks.

Never again, Kaido will ever plan another wedding.

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About xebec

• xebec is a stern man, but crack a genuine smile at his descendants.

• xebec is those macho manly tough guy who goes by these rules :  It doesn’t matter how manly you are, when your little girl wants to have a fairy tea party. YOU HAVE ONE!

• xebec is typically and generally very supportive of his daughter.

• once crocodile was born, xebec used his devil fruit to throw little crocodile in the air and catching him. ( despite the concerns of crocodile’s parents) little  crocodile let out squeals of joy every time he became airborne.

• during one encounter with teach, the dark dark devil fruit recognizes crocodile and refuses to comply to Blackbeard’s orders, maybe a little soul of gramp xebec is still watching over crocodile in the shadows of the devil fruit.

• xebec d rocks first met imu when he was docking at a sea shore town, while imu was on vacation again.

• they bump into each other on a boardwalk. Imu was staring in awe in front of a display window of a plant shop and xebec wasn’t looking what is in front of him. They apologized and walked away.

• The second time, it was sunset, the town was having a night festival. The couple just happens to recognize each other and then dance together under the fairy lights. Later ,they exchange den den numbers.

• Xebec at one point ask imu if they can join his crew, Imu politely declines , their excuse is their work.

• xebec originally thought imu was a wealthy noble from a local kingdom or just a regular socialite when he saw their  image on Lady N magazines.

• xebec blue screens when he found out  the truth and that was after he got imu pregnant.

• Imu sometimes went on to xebec’s ship for their………. Nightly fun. Please send help for the crew after hearing the couple going at it ALL night.   The couple are loud.

• Similarly, send help for the cipher pol agents stationed at a hotel room next to the couple and hearing the couple going at it all night long.

• do not ask imu or yraif on how does it fit. Just don’t, it is private and the ladies of the family ( and crocodile’s) secret.

Chapter Text

LIKES

• Bubble baths (surprisingly to a lot of people , but yes, Imu enjoys bubble baths because it’s relaxing.)

• Gardening ( they grow a lot of flora from all over the one piece world.)

• Raising butterflies ( their favorite butterflies species are the poisonous ones, their top pick are the zebra long wing butterflies because they have black and white wings.)

• trolling in laws (I don’t need to elaborate any further)

• Spoiling their descendants with gifts (there are yachts full of gifts “ yes, I know you don’t need any extra clothing but they just jumped into the cart on its own.”-imu)

• xebec (in their own weird way)

• trying new things ( Hey, they are like 800 something years old, 800 years to kill boredom, you might a well as have done everything at this point.)

• collecting things ( what else they can do? So far , Imu has collected: coins, gemstones/jewels and precious metals , art pieces, luxury magazines, books, stamps and heck, even real estate and bounty posters. All of this is nothing compared to imu’s one mansion-like building dedicated and full of their collection of their designer wardrobes and outfits. There are wings for shoes, dresses ,coats , tops and bottom wear, and various accessories and jewelry. The building is connected to the main residence ,that imu lives, by a corridor skyway.That is not counting the clothing and outfits in the main residence and in imu’s vacation homes, they are the doubles of the clothing in the wardrobe building, the ones that imu actually wears.

• their free/personal  time ( the main reason why Imu kept their existence and identity as absolute secret from the world ,is not to maintain the lie that there is no singular ruler of the world.(even though that was debatable) but really so they can have their own privacy. It would be terribly annoying to have cameras flashing at them at every second  of their life. They are also quite paranoid of their life. However, contrary to this, they still like looking cool and wanting to show it like a typical fashionista, so they run a luxury fashion magazine called lady N in secret, it is easy since only a handful of cipher pol agents, the world elders , some world nobles and relatives knows what they really look like. )

• spas and pampering themselves with various spa stuff. (Same thing with the bubble baths, dealing with celestial dragons is super tiring and stressful )

• having the power ( to do whatever they wanted and as a get out of jail free card, Imu did a lot of crazy wild stuff on their vacation days)

• finding new entertainment (800 years can get people pretty bored out of their minds)

• gourmet food and drink ( it can be tea time, coffee, multi courses meals , going to restaurants and critic them, and… there is a basement full of alcohol barrels and bottles.)

• playing games (whether it’s sports or board games. If arcades,video games or mobile games existed, they would play those too and troll other players. They have a lot of time to kill.)

DISLIKES

• 99% of the current generation of the celestial dragons. ( imu thinks of them as annoying, whining and stupid children. They hated the fact the celestial dragons can’t control themselves and their behavior. Imu think it is because of the inbreeding problem of the celestial dragons since they can only marry each other to keep the bloodline “pure.” Another thing they dislike is slavery, contrary to what everyone thinks, no,imu does not like it. It makes their skin crawl.they are still joyboy’s child after all. However, this was only made possible by imu’s colleagues (the ancestors of the celestial dragons) during the void century war. imu just have to tolerate it and follow the motto of “mind your own business”)

•  the taste of alcohol gone bad ( what a waste of wine!)

• the smell of cannabis in cigarettes  (it stinks -imu)

• in-laws (despite this, Imu doesn’t want them to die.)

• Bad taste in fashion (imu is appalled at most of the people fashion choices)

• marshal d teach (now this time ,imu really hates him enough to personally execute him)

• pirates (this is due to hatred of xebec running off to continue his career as the main factor, along with other reasons.Imu was disappointed when yraif ran off to join the rocks pirates and furious when she married a pirate. They are only mildly disappointed when crocodile wants to be a pirate and they finally gave up when their great grandsons wanted to be a pirate.)

• the incompetence of majority of the marines (we do not need to elaborate,just look at the one piece marines and now see how many actually captured criminals, sengoku is on the thin ice for not arresting teach right away.)

• spoiled brats (ex. Celestial dragons)

•  absolute justice and passing sins of parents to children (it makes no sense to imu, by that logic, imu would have to kill themselves for being related to joyboy )

• Discrimination (it’s pointless in their opinion)

•  psychopaths (ex. Doflamingo, it still ironic, since one can argue imu was one themselves )

•  sociopaths (ironic, since they are one themselves)
• hypocrites ( arguably ironic)
• potential in laws( people who seemingly to have a crush on one of imu’s family)
• people who don’t work for their dreams and expect everything to be handed to them. (Ex. Celestial dragons)

• will of the d? ( that is what it appears to be to separate themselves from the d clan, they personally don’t have a vendetta against them, unless you are Blackbeard)

• nefertari family? ( no grudges against them, only tears up vivi’s poster cuz they thought vivi can be a potential in law , only mad at queen lili for writing embarrassing stuff about imu in the poneglyph and her actions causing poneglyphs scattered around the world, one of them contains the embarrassing stories of imu as a baby all recorded by dad joyboy. Imu is not happy with cobra for helping crocodile’s plan that got crocodile landed in jail (to get the world government to stop spying on the netfertari family and off of cobra’s  back with out asking imu for assistance) but crocodile and cobra are still friends, so imu have to let it go.)

• shirahosi? ( no personal vendettas against her other than her being a potential in law to worry about.)

———————imu past part 2——————-

so after being founded by the advisor and both realizing that imu has no memory Piotr getting wash up to shore, the advisor adopted them as their child. So imu was raised in another country for most of their life. Hence that is why they didn’t know about their biological father. 

imu was very protective of their adoptive father. Things about their childhood is a story for another time.

however, when imu was grown up. The nerona king still don’t have a heir and died suddenly. The government of nerona picked imu as the next ruler. Imu adopted the name nerona imu to associate themselves as part of the nerona dynasty. Imu’s was addressed as king  of nerona.

not long after becoming the king . A war broke out between 20 kingdoms and the great kingdom for reasons unknown. Imu took this opportunity to place themselves and the kingdom into the spotlight, becoming the important major player in the war campaign. Imu grew recognition and admiration from the rest of the 19 other kingdom.  Without imu, the 20 kingdoms don’t stand a chance against the great kingdom. 

the war ends with the 20 kingdoms victory and there is no doubt who would take control.

however for imu, not long after they became the ruler of the empty throne and the ultimate ruler(the 20 kingdoms elected him as ruler) imu discovered the horrifying truth, Imu was shaken when they discovered joyboy was their biological father and that imu committed patricide as they were the one who gave the last blow.

this cause imu to halt their plans to eliminate the rest of the great kingdom royal family .

that ex royal family were spared and a pardon. They were allowed to live , they are known as the d clan or other wise called the will of the D.

Chapter Text

What does everyone think?

celestial dragons/world nobles

your regular typical tenryubitos:

they did not know any of this. Imu and yriaf  never told them about crocodile’s and luffy’s celestial dragon ancestry. This lead to many of them having confusion and frustration in about many events.

for example: after the gray terminal fire, saint jalmack went missing after being ordered to the empty throne.the holy knights and jalmack’s family have no clues of where he went. Many celestial dragons thought imu sama ate him.

(Imu have promised to The asl ,after yriaf picked up sabo from the revolutionary,that zebra /butterfly granny would make the “bad bubble man” go away. You can see where saint jalmack has ended up)

Most celestial dragons are scratching their heads on why sir crocodile was sentence to prison instead of execution like any kingdom usurper fate would have been.

Most confusing of all is right after sabaody incident. The bounty for luffy went up, but The roswards family aren’t allowed to press further charges against straw hat pirates. Neither the military/marines are allowed to used luffy assault on a world noble as the excuse to hunt down luffy indefinitely. The reason for this is unclear, but the five elders stars told the marines and the roswards that they should not waste their time on a rookie pirate. Reality, they are all pansies who are all afraid of their princess’s and boss’s wrath.

in general, all the celestial dragons have a healthy fear of their princess yriaf  and their mysterious ruler imu sama. They never have seen imu sama’s true face other than the silhouette of them. However, they all think imu sama is this terrifying being ,who, if the world nobles did not please them or any continues any constant worship, then imu sama would destroy the world in a terrifying matter.

The celestial dragons also think that imu sama eats people, like how are you gonna explain all the people going missing around the Pangaea castle?(imu have no comments on this).

they also think that Yriaf is the child of their “god” and have no other parent. It didn’t help that imu sama have given the entire Mary geoise to baby Yriaf  as her “dollhouse/toy city”.(who let imu to be a parent?).

There is a general fear of yriaf  too, Yriaf  is completely free from all rules, the accusations of the crime of blasphemy and from holy knights too, as she was also technically higher than their boss.

which means aside from the authority to summon a admiral , she also have the ciper pols and holy knights at her beck and call. With the power over the holy knights and connections to the five elder stars, high saintess yriaf can order even a celestial dragon to executed and get away without any consequences.

luckily for the celestial dragons, princess yriaf is generally very nice and slow to anger. 

unless, you did something very, very bad. For example , treating a commoner very badly under her house, whether it her servants or a common celestial dragon’s slave, the No. 1 rule once you step on her main residence is that she don’t tolerate slavish behavior or forms of abuse.(yriaf  prefer if there are no slaves at all. But again, Imu prevents any further abolitionist behavior of yriaf  because of the grounds of being too obvious. Imu also instruct Yriaf  to play an airhead so celestial dragons don’t suspect her)

the five elder stars:

the only celestial dragons who knew of imu sama’s true face.which makes it awkward when they saw the pictures of their boss’s true image in a bikini on the front covers of the latest lady N magazines. They totally did not have the magazines hidden under their beds, nope, not at all.

Every generation of the elder stars official task is to serve and carry out imu sama whims. Reality, they are more like tired servants whose daily task is to prevent imu sama from destroying the world out of boredom, preventing imu’s operation “judgment day”and help clean up imu related crazy incidents they got themselves into in their disguises. The elder stars are the type of underlings who pride on themselves for carrying out imu sama’s orders without their boss telling them to. Some times they take it too literally and extremely.

for example, imu sama once told them to destroy the documents on ohara island. To which the elders destroy the documents by destroying the entire place in process.

Imu reaction: >:-o 

if imu sama told them to “kill someone” (they meant to rough him/her up) the elder stars would actually kill them.

imu reaction: ):-0

because of their proximity to their boss, they know that luffy and crocodile are related to imu. They have no problems with crocodile.

But luffy.

That god damn straw hat luffy is the most troublesome of them all! 

the elder stars are swamped with work to cover up all crazy incidents that pirate have gotten into! Every day is a new hijinks the five elders have to find a way to cover up/ write off as insignificant/ or write up a bill to bribe the somebody something to look the other way.

forget being the five elder stars! 

they might as well rebrand themselves as the nerona family’s legal team!

Donquixote homing: 

like your typical celestial dragons, he only knows as much as the next celestial dragon. He did get a stamp of approval from the princess of Mary geoise for good behavior and being much nicer.

however, when homing was planning to leave Mary geoise as a normal human, the high saintess yriaf warns him not to be so trusting and naïve of people and to go live at east blue ,since it was a lot more peaceful and hospitable.

but like we all know, homing went to north blue anyway.

both imu (reluctantly)and yriaf  did agree with his views.however, Imu see it as highly unrealistic and that too much optimism can kill,and they said it to homing’s face when he went to the empty throne to plead for his family abdication.

While even yriaf  begrudgingly admitted that homing did not make any cautionary measures.

When the two heard of homing’s and his wife’s death and how much they have suffered,yriaf  was in horror, while imu gleefully said to homing dead body, “I told you so.”

dulincea aka homing’s wife:

same as above, but she did get to know the high saintess personally and she was in imu’s list of “tolerable celestial dragons” .since she is also Yriaf’s close friend. She get to know yriaf’s views ,interests and hobbies, and some sensitive personal stuff.

dulincea knows about yriaf’s child, but not their name, and she also knows what yriaf really thinks about her mother.

after homing’s and dulincea’s death, yriaf went to collect dulincea’s body to have it buried with homing after doffy return to Mary geoise with homing’s corpse.

Donquixote mjosgard:

knows as much as any other celestial dragons but got a stamp of approval from yriaf  as she notice his change after his fishman island incident. Both of them mourned queen otohime after her assassination . Then became friends after. Imu doesn’t care, but place him in tolerable celestial dragon section in their mind.they had a good laugh when he hit Saint Carlos.

mjosgard’s execution was staged and he did not die, just hidden away so he can continue his human-fishman peace activism.

The roswards: 

they know as much as your typical celestial dragons, it doesn’t stop them from trying to butter up to the highest authority. 

they are angry that they can’t press charges at the straw hats, but still pansies in ground of the elder stars. So they begrudgingly agree.

however, yriaf  views Carlos as disgusting and sharlia as unpleasant Bi$ch. And less said about the patriarch the better.

imu doesn’t like them either, but then again , they dislike the roswards  as much as they dislike any other regular celestial dragons(save for a few celestial dragons who are “tolerable”)they laughed when they saw Carlos getting hit by both luffy and mjosgard.

———————————————————-

omake

When imu first met crocodile (note :crocodile is trans here and was assigned female at birth, he is really a male, but in here he is still a baby)

Imu :okay! 😃Grandma is here! Now where is that baby!

Imu:(Sees baby crocodile) 😍gimme!gimme!gimme! Come on,where is she.where is she.

imu:(sees Edward Newgate) (>:0) yeah, I see you son in law, you’re chopped liver, where is the baby.

Yraif :(hands the baby to imu) 

imu: Oh! 🥹 oh! 
-five minutes later-
imu: I know you told me not to get you any clothes but….(holds up the armful of shopping bags 🛍) they partially jump in the cart!

-one second later-

imu:(cooing over their first grandchild) oh~! Isn’t she … just… god..

-2 minutes later-

imu: I know you said you have enough enough quilts,but….(pulls out a well done quilt from a box) I crochet them on the way in.

— much time later-

baby crocodile: (baby cries)Waaah— wah!

imu: OK, 😨(panicking) grandma got it,grandma got it 😰

imu:(sees *insert someone *rushing in)

imu: (demon mode)NOBODY ELSE TOUCHES THE KID, GRANDMA GOT IT!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

* silence *

imu: 😅(calms down)whew, grandma have a little stroke , but I got u now.

—-at the end——-

imu:(to yraif and Edward Newgate) no pressure but… I want another one, make it happen.

—— after god valley——

imu: seriously? You two got 6 ass long years and still no 2nd kid? Then who else I can spoil! Did you two forgot how it works? Newgate , did you put it in the right place? Ah, well, it too late now, I’m taking yriaf  with me, yes, young lady , you’re grounded for the next 20 years for this stupid stunt. Pray I didn’t extend it to 70 years.

Chapter Text

You want beer?

imu: yriaf  meet your father. I hope you two would get along.

xebec:…. Um…..

xebec: (holds up a beer glass 🍺) you want a beer?

imu:(smacks xebec head) (((ꎤ ✧曲✧)̂—̳͟͞͞o ShE is four! 🤬

xebec: I DONT KNOW! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER?! (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

imu: this wouldn’t happen if you didn’t left when she still a baby!

[afterwards]

narrator: xebec d rocks slept on the couch that night. Despite the rocky meeting, xebec eventually became a girl dad and charmed his way back into imu’s graces after a round of make up s*x. Which lasted for another 10 years until imu got annoyed with his lack of spousal commitment and xebec being always running off to his ship for another adventure and yeah, the whole I-want-to-take-over-the-world thing.

crocodile’s grandmom is a b*tch

thatch: you guys, this is all crocodile’s grandmom’s fault.

crocodile: shut up thatch!

thatch: crocodile’s grandmom is the one who started this damn mess, all because they are a big fat stupid b-!

crocodile: don’t say it thatch!

marco:(whispers to jozu) what is thatch talking about?crocodile’s grandmom isn’t fat .

thatch: WEEEEEEEELLLL!

crocodile: Don’t do it Thatch!

thatch: WEEEEEELLLLLL

crocodile: I’m warning you!

thatch: Ok ok

crocodile: I getting sick and tired of him calling my grandmother a-!

thatch: WEEEELL ,

crocodile’s granny is a bitch they’re a big fat bitch,

they’re the biggest bitch in the whole wide world,

They’re a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch,

They’re a bitch to all the boys and girls.

Crocodile:Shut your fucking mouth, Thatch !

Thatch: On Monday they’re  a bitch,

On Tuesday they’re a bitch,

On Wednesday to Saturday they’re  a bitch

Then on Sunday, just to be different,

They’re  a super King Kamehameha biyotch!

Thatch: Come on! You all know the words!

Thatch and the whitebeard’s pirates( except for crocodile, izo and whitebeard himself):Have you ever met my brother crocodile’s grandmom?

They’re the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.

They’re a mean ole bitch, and they has stupid hair.

They’re a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

They’re a stupid bitch!

(Whoa!)

Crocodile’s grandmom's a bitch

And they’re  such a dirty bitch!

(Bitch!)

Thatch: (solo)Talk to kids around the world,
And it might go a little bit something like this:

whitebeard pirates from wano:(in Wano language) crocodile’s grandmom is a shrew, a dirty slut,

Whitebeard pirates from dressrosa:(in dressrosa language)They’re the biggest bitch in the world,

Whitebeard pirates from fishman island:(in fishman island language)They’re a stupid c*nt, if there ever was a c*nt

Whitebeard pirates from alabasta:(in alabasta language)She's a bitch to the boys and girls.

 Thatch and others: Have you ever met my brother’s  grandmom?

They’re the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
They’re a mean ole bitch, and they has stupid hair.
They’re  a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch 

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
They’re a stupid bitch!

Marco: (pointing behind thatch)Ah thatch…Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

Thatch:crocodile’s grandmom's a bitch
And they’re such a dirty bitch!I really mean it!
Crocodile’s  grandmom ; they’re  a big fat f*cking bitch!Big ole fat f*cking bitch, Crocodile’s grandmom!Yeah, cha!

everyone: 😨😨😨😨😨

Thatch:What?

thatch:(turns around and sees imu with a blank poker face)Oh, f*ck. 

[afterwards…]

 narrator: thatch nearly died that day. It took both crocodile and Yriaf to persuade imu that calling a buster call on moby dick would surely kill them all. If not imu, then Yriaf and the whitebeard pirates.

While imu sama was distracted,Whitebeard hid thatch somewhere so imu won’t use their slipper of doom on thatch to “discipline” him or the soap bar of cleansing to wash out such Vulgar words from thatch’s mouth.

No one knows if imu would actually do the buster call on moby or if imu would actually discipline thatch with the slipper of doom and they are not waiting to find out.

PS. The whitebeard pirates believe imu was a official from the world government, a high ranking military officer of the marines or maybe the cipher pol’s commander.

they are in for a awful surprise.

Edit: P.S.S , later on when ace joins the whitebeard’s pirates, thatch taught the song to ace. Needless to say,when  imu found out, they weren’t too pleased at thatch.

Xebec and imu’s red flag

xebec: The date started off so well
Begin my night not expecting the fright of my life
They’re was perfect from what I could tell
How could I not see the danger right in front of me?

imu:My favorite gem is ruby

xebec:baby, that's my favorite too

Imu: I enjoy traveling.

 xebec:baby, I also love That, I do
Hey girl, what's your favorite film?
They said

imu: the best movie of all, a masterpiece of art called
Human Centipede, Human Centipede(shadowy arms spout from their back)

Xebec: I think that I'm gonna get murdered tonight

Imu: Human Centipede, not ironically

Xebec:She said,

Imu:costume design was a highlight
I like it for the plot 

xebec:(his hand holding a spoon is shaking) tell me what the plot's about

Imu: an egghead doctor sews three people ass to mouth!

xebec:(sarcastically) cool

Imu: Human Centipede,

xebec: please God save me
I think that's a red flag, I don't want to get stabbed

She said,

imu:"Human Centipede is a tour de force"

Xebec:I think, "Holy shit, I'm gonna be the main course"
She said,

imu: "I admire the narrative of character growth"

Xebec: I try to get the waiter's attention by blinking in morse code

Imu: (creepy)Why are you blinking so much?

Xebec:(rubbing the corners of his eye)I've got something in my eye

Imu:(shows really sharp fingernails)Here, let me get it out

xebec:no thank you, I don't wanna die
 

Saint elder: (dress up as a waiter and whispering at xebec ear)Bonjour, sir was blinking at me, is this because your date is a freak?

xebec and saint elder:(looks at imu, they are making a figure out of toothpicks and olives, in the chest of the figure is impaled with toothpicks)

Xebec:No

Saint elder:Very good then, bon appétit

[afterwards]

 narrator: luckily for xebec, he did not get stabbed that day. Though he made sure he chooses movie whenever the couple went on movie dates. Xebec only learned much later in their …..intimate activities that imu was only joking when they said their favorite movie is human centipede.

Go ahead release it.

saint Marcus mars: your majesty, this can’t continue!

saint jaygarcia Saturn: he is right! Your family has cause so many chaos in the last 60 years!

saint shepherd jupeter: if this continues, you will risk exposing yourself and your true identity!

imu: (only silhouette is visible, they’re on the empty throne, their legs are crossed, their hand’s knuckles on their cheek, seems unconcerned )

imu:……….

saint topman warcury: we decided that if you can’t control them,then the best course of action is to eliminate them!

imu:(release conqueror haki, it cause the elders knees and body weak and they can’t move a muscle)

imu:……

imu: go ahead.

elder stars: ?

imu: kill them.

elder stars:!!!

imu:( chuckles) let’s light this candle, huh?

elder stars:😨

imu: I mean sure, I’ll lose them, they’re my everything, but then…..

imu: (eyes looking crazy)I’ll have nothing to lose.

imu:(smiles) first, I’ll take out marine ford…levely, egghead island, then any other military bases and then any places people would get their information from,like den den mushi,Morgan newspaper,that kind of stuff.And then…

imu:(tilt their head) well…. I think then.. I’ll just wipe Mary geoise off the fucking map.

elder stars: (very scared and panicking)😱😨😬😨😱😱😧😦

imu: (smiles playfully)😁for fun.

Imu : I’ll even throw in the rest of the countries,like fishman island, and that fucking thorn-to-my-side alabasta, where that witch lili nefertari is from,and maybe the entire planet as well…

Elder stars: 😱😱😱😱😱😨

Imu: ‘cause why not ?😄

imu: (leans forward)😃 you see, boys. I prefer to be hidden in the shadows and watch my brats living the rest of their full lives . I really do.

 Imu: but if you take that away from me..Well, being feared is also fine by me.

elder stars:😰

Imu: So.

imu: Go ahead, fellas. Do it.

elder stars: ……..

imu: No…?

imu: you don’t want to do it?(laughs)🤣

imu: well… then I would have to say that all of you have absolutely no fucking leverage.Because I am the true supreme leader of the World Government .

imu: And I ,can really do whatever the fuck I want.

[after words]

 Narrator: after the elders stars left the room, they ran to the nearest bathroom, they could barely held their urine in, the elder stars never again ever dare to bring up imu’s family again. They quietly did their duties by covered up any incidents involving the nerona family and their offical in laws.

little did they know, imu was actually buffing, it is not like they are physically unable  to do it. they can go through their threat as they had the power to do it.

however, if they destroy the world, imu would no longer have the updates for their favorite literature/fanfics and there will be no more latest trendy fashion . Destroying Mary geoise would also mean their wardrobe collection would get destroyed as well.

perfect example of the fear cycle.

imu fears their subjects for plotting against them ———> their subjects fear imu would destroy the world if they don’t keep imu sama happy———-> repeat.

he broke my heart.

Saint jayGarcia saturn: times have changed, the commoners are getting worse!

they won’t obey the authorities, they just want to fight and curse!

saint topman warcury : should we blame the marine’s incompetence? Or society?

holy knights: or should we blame the images on den den tv?

saint jayGarcia saturn: No! Blame gold roger!

all: Blame gold roger!

saint jayGarcia saturn: with his beady little eyes and stupid mustache full of lies.

all: Blame Gold roger! Blame gold roger!

Saint topman warcury: We need to form a full assault!

all: it’s roger’s fault!

( they left to go to Pangea castle courtyard, there are celestial dragons and commoners royals)

saint donquixote: don’t blame me, for my son homing’s fam.

he saw the darn news and then he left the clan!

and don’t forget my grandson doffy, I only told him I let him in if he returned to his sweet self.

but instead vulgarly, he told me to go fu*k myself.

saint topman warcury : Well, Blame Gold roger! 

all: Blame Roger!

Saint jayGarcia Saturn: it seems every thing has gone wrong ,ever since roger came along!

all: Blame gold roger! Blame roger!

imu: (in the distance) I didn’t know gold roger has ever existed anyway!

Kozuki Sukiyaki:(in disguise) My son could have been the next shogun,rich and true,

but instead he’s boiling up in oil like kamote cue!

all: should we blame kaido?

should we blame the fire?

or the common folk who let him to expire?

saint topman warcury: Heck no! Blame roger!

all: blame roger!

saint Marcus mars: With his nakama bullshit hullabaloo and that Bitch Portgas rouge too!

all(including marines) Blame gold roger! Shame on gold roger! For…

the delusion we must stop, the trash we will stash, the laughter and the fun, must be undone. 
we must blame Him and cause a fuss,Before somebody thinks of blaming us!!

[Afterwards]

Narrator: imu sama is confused of who this gold roger person is, they never know this person has existed. Except, they do know, they know him as Gol D  roger. With out the D. Imu thought it was someone else.

Amateurs

Donquixote Doflamingo : I am the first celestial dragon pirate!

Sir crocodile: I was there before you, you only publicized yourself as a celestial dragon so everyone can kiss your feet!

?: amateurs.

Doflamingo: What was that, punk?!

Yriaf : Amateurs.<——sailed under xebec d rocks as an active crew member undetected for 20 years prior to the god valley incident. A long time before either two amateurs ever came along.

every member of the d clan who are pirates: Hi. <——even though they are not celestial dragons,but they are still related to the nerona clan regardless, as the D clan are all related to imu’s half siblings at one point.

————————————————

Five elder stars: we need an army.

imu: I can take on xebec.

elder stars: in a fight right?

imu:……….:)

elder stars: in a fight right??😨

—————-/———pigeon meme——-

imu: (to literally anyone in close proximity to child/grandchildren/great grandchildren ) is this a new in law I need to torture?

Chapter Text

it is a beautiful sunny day in Mary geoise (actually, the celestial dragons can control what weather they wanted in their respective territories , but you get the point)

the sun is shining, the birds are chirping in their cages, and the children played together in the Mary geoise square , what a picturesque sight,if you can ignore all the slaves being tortured.

 “What a beautiful day to be alive!” Our residential tyrant dictator evil emperor  king of the world government said as they stretch their arms, a zebra long wing butterfly flies in.

“What are we going to do today,Sophie?” they ask the butterfly as it landed on their finger. “A day at a beach?”

in memory land

On an empty beach X, imu is wearing a bikini and has a surf board under their left arm, in the other arm is a picnic basket as a butterfly chill in their hat.

the scene flash to imu on a surf board riding the waves as they sip on their Piña colada glass their right hand is holding. Sophie the zebra long wing butterfly is chilling and in imu’s sun hat.

(back to real life)

“……..No,we went there yesterday.how about a visit to the baratie?”

(In memory land)

Imu in a black cocktail dress with Sophie resting in imu’s rose flower hair pin.

scene flash to imu ordering an full multi-course meal,an outrageous amount of dishes and side dishes, and all the desserts on the menu.

the other customers look on in a mix of awe and horror as they watched the food disappear into the tiny person’s mouth. Sophie is happily sipping on a plate of passion fruit flower honey water. Meanwhile a blonde waiter/cook is simping nearby.

scene flash to imu walking out with takeout. Back at the baratie, a large, muscular chef  with somewhat-oversized forearms is writing a  something on a poster paper, he only got to “No”  when a waiter discovered a very generous amount of tip under a dirty plate.

the chef crumble up the poster paper in the trash can and did a happy dance.

(In real life)

“……I am on diet.” imu brush their hair as they continue to think, “How about we buster call an island and watch the destruction from a hot air balloon. I had a country in mind… those idiots  think They can get away with missing one cent short In their taxes. Since I am feeling generous,They can’t miss one insignificant island.”

(In Imagination land)

imu is laughing manically from a hot air balloon  as they watch an island go up in flames (a number one trait they shared with ace: arson) in their hands is a bag of butter popcorn. Back at the island is full of the chorus of screaming.

in real life 

 “No… scratch that, I don’t have the mental state to listen to that foolish girl of my daughter ‘s activist rant.” they look up from styling their hair. “What day is it ,anyway?”

a calendar had an red circle on a date, it’s the day where warlords are going to have another meeting.

a sinister smile creep on their face. “I have a great idea….”

<time skip>

Back at the Warlord meeting room, everything seems normal, almost suspiciously normal. 

Extraordinarily,Every warlords is present, from “Hawkeyes” Dracule Mihawk to “Heavenly” demon” Donquixote Doflamingo,however they can’t help but feel a feeling of something oddly different.

sengoku surveys the room, nothing looks out of ordinary,but…..is it him or does Sir crocodile look a little shorter today???

It must be a trick of the light.

Sengoku waited a few moments to get the warlords settled in, and started the meeting.

As sengoku continues to drone on and on, none of the warlords looked interested in what he is saying, even crocodile, who normally pays attention, seems bored.

doflamingo leans back into his chair as his hand snakes towards crocodile’s back. “Croccy~” he whispers “did fleet admiral finally succeed in boring you after all these years.”

crocodile smacks doflamingo’s hands away. “Who wouldn’t?” He puffs his cigar. “I hope he finishes this quickly and get it over with.”

 “When the meeting is over , how about you come over to my place for some fun~❤️.”

 Crocodile looks over to him in Disinterest, “And by fun, what do you mean?”

 “you know what I mean.”

 “pervert.”crocodile blows the smoke into doflamingo’s face.

“Only for you.” 

Crocodile looks as if to about to say more, but then a rough voice called out, “Sir crocodile, Are you paying attention to what am I saying!”

crocdike lazily looks back to sengoku, while doflamingo looks pissed at sengoku interrupting his conversation with crocodile.

crocodile doesn’t look fazed at all the eyes on him.everyone is expecting him to apologize and play nice to the fleet admiral. But instead, crocodile tilt his head slightly to the side with a cigar in hand and cross his legs.

“ Actually, fleet admiral, I wasn’t listening at all. Besides, I wasn’t the only one if you haven’t noticed.You bored us all with your small talk, so get to the point already. Or are you so lonely that your only social life is paying us to be here to hear you rant?”

 Silence envelope the room ,the marines looks at him in a mix of horror and anger,the warlords look unnerved by crocodile’s ballsy words, mihawk didn’t looks fazed as he sip a glass of wine,doflamingo on the other hand looks amuse as he breaks into laughter.

 Sengoku face is full with fury,“You..!”

but crocodile never let him finish that sentence, he just plow straight on, “Nothing really productive ever happens in these meetings, the only thing that warlords meetings has ever accomplished are introducing new warlords and talking about current events that we already could get from a newspaper, then you expect us to go through these mind numbing waste of our time for hours. I can feel myself losing couple of brains cells just by listening to your lame excuse of a speech.”

 “you tell him, croccy!” Doflamingo cheers on.

 “Not to mention, the fact that the warlords exists, tells me that the marines are so incompetent, that they have to hire pirates to police the seas. It is extremely pathetic and disappointing on how the world government military forces have fallen. They are not been able to arrest a rookie pirates before they became big shots, but instead having the manpower and time to killing babies to prevent gold roger JR.”

crocodile looks at his nails and continues “then instead of solving problems like the amber lead disease, they decided to get rid of the island entirely. They preached about justice, yet they allow slavery to exist. If this is not hypocrisy and the incompetence of the marines, then I don’t know what is and if it is, why do we even have the marines for?”

the room was so quiet, if some one drops a pin, everyone can hear it. Sengoku calms himself , “ what you are speaking is treason.”

crocodile let an unnerving smile cross his lips. “How is it treason, when I am speaking the truth, fleet admiral?”

 “I am afraid I must report this to the higher ups of the world government.” Sengoku said gravely. Such words about the world government, especially right in the Mary geoise soil,might mean crocodile will be sentenced to execution, not even his warlord status can save him.

 “Don’t you dare!” Doflamingo stood up in his seat in anger.

however crocodile didn’t look phased, “They won’t execute me, well not yet.”

 “What do you mean by that?” Gecko Moria asks him.

 Crocodile puffs on his cigar, “ I am too valuable to the world government to execute, and even if they do.” 

something changed in crocodile’s eyes as it gain a manic glint,

“I̸̺̺͎̰̥̜̯̼̮̰͖̜͂͆̿̈́̿̔ ẃ̸̝̝̰͋͒ŏ̸̡̼̺̫̥̻͈̞̍͆̏̓́͜͝ͅǹ̷̨͍̮̥̹̘͙̗̻̬̬̜̥̮̃̒̈́̽͗̿̍̄̂̏͆͠͝’t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅ l̶̬̞͎̖͉̹̝͕̝͖̣̉͆ë̸͓̮͉͈͇͍̖͎̩̞͈́́́̋̇̾͋̈́̾͆͑͘͘͜͠͝t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅ t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅḥ̸̨̧̗̮̖̽̂̓̀̍̋͋́̅̃͘͜͝ë̸͓̮͉͈͇͍̖͎̩̞͈́́́̋̇̾͋̈́̾͆͑͘͘͜͠͝m̵̢͕̫̓̔͑̊̈.”

Silence . Everyone thinks crocodile is either mad or possessed. But before anyone can say anything, the door banged open.

everyone turns to the doors direction and their eyes nearly pop out of their skulls.

at the door is a dishevel looking crocodile out of breath.

TWO CROCODILES?!

doffy looks like he is in heaven. (Which in a sense, he already is)

 “ DAMN IT GRANNY!” Crocodile at the door yelled at crocodile on the chair, “Not again!”

wait….

GRANNY?!?!

imu’s relations hint

• shanks knows, he also have no malicious intentions.
• imu calls mihawk, “cousin” or “nephew”
• grap have suspicions, but only knows the full truth after luffy was born.
•  “I treat all my (great)grandchildren the same.”
•  “Who’s Gold roger? Never heard of him.”
•  “Oh, you meant Gol D. Roger, well that sucks for him.”

Chapter Text

On last time,

…….

 “ DAMN IT GRANNY!” Crocodile at the door yelled at crocodile on the chair, “Not again!”

wait….

GRANNY?!?!

current day

“ WHAAAAAAAAAT???!!?!??” Everyone else shouted.

they looked at the crocodile sitting on the chair, then look back at crocodile at the door.

crocodile at the door continues yelling at the seated ……..doppelganger? Evil twin? A identical looking,very manly looking grandmother? (Well that explains the height)

 “YOU CAN’T KEEPING ON DOING THIS!”

 “And why is that, croco-dear ?” The fake crocodile smiles unnervingly as he? She? Pull out a packet of makeup wipes and started wiping their face. They Have all but confirmed that whoever they are,they are definitely not crocodile.Doflamingo for once,isn’t smiling and slowly backs away from the fake crocodile.

 Crocodile grits his teeth in frustration. The cigar between his teeth looks dangerously about to be chomped in half.

 “I was saying that don’t you have anything better to do other than abducting me ,then locking me in a closet ?!”

 “I was bored and there were nothing else to do and I do miss the times where you played flash games on my yacht, while I run around pretending to be you on your father’s ship. I missed those good ol’ days of chaos. But alas, I knew you won’t complied , so I have to take rather…. Drastic measures.” By that point most of the makeup is wiped from their face, revealing more….. feminine features.

“So you Just have to pick today to harass everyone ? in a very important meeting?”

the fake crocodile laughs and puffs his/her cigar. “ IMPORTANT? Ha! As if!”

with cigar in hand, the fake crocodile cross their legs. Giving off an imposing aura, “ this meeting is a joke, the main point of this meeting is to gather criminal brats with big names together, announcing who is the next government dog joining this club of criminals working for an incompetent marines,and listening to dear ol’ fleet admiral curing his sad, sad social life loneliness by unpacking his unproductive gibberish to a bunch of criminals. I am even disappointed that you are part of it.”

 “I only joined because so I won’t have the government snooping in my business!”

Fake crocodile tilted their head. “ I would have already handled that if you told me. I still don’t like the fact you want to be a pirate. What so special about being a criminal anyway? The cipher pols are a better.”

 “I don’t want your help,Why should I ever tell you about my reasons? it’s not like you ever bother to listen.” he pause, “…..some of the time.”

 “….. you still didn’t tell me what’s the business you are so afraid of informing me about.”

 “I am not telling you in front of everyone, especially with a bunch of snitching,murderous navy bastards.”

 Fake crocodile looks at him in the eye. “Fair enough, but I can easily make sure no one can leave the room aliv…”

 “Okay FINE! I was planning to open a casino in alabasta!”

 “ Alabasta?” The fake crocodile voice became quiet. The shadows start writhing around the imposter as rage seems to bubble out of them “……”

 crocodile didn’t seem too concerned,  “I told you, you wouldn’t like it, ”

 “Maybe..but…” they paused, “I have a feeling you are not telling me everything. Ah, Whatever, opening a casino isn’t too bad. back in my day, I used to run a alcohol smuggling ring. Those fools think that banning alcohol will stop me from my sweet life water.”

 “OK OK OK, We get it.” Crocodile push the imposter out of the door,  “can you please leave now?”

  “Hold it!” Their hand pointed up, “ and one more thing.” They narrowed their eyes. “ why does the marines allow a pervert join the warlords? I only met doflamingo for a few seconds and he is already getting handsy. Crocodile, did he have your consent for this?”

crocodile’s face flush red and doflamingo face turns a few shades whiter. 

 crocodile coughs into his hand, “ I thought you will be… more approving of him since he is also a celestial dragon.”

 “sadly no, I will be frank, I don’t like him, him being a psychopath handsy and an possible s*x offender really ruined my judgment and hopes of you getting a better taste in men.”

 Crocodile’s  face is full blown tomato, “ We Didn’t Do Anything!!”

His grandmother gives him an unimpressed look , “That is what they always say. I can’t blame you, this family typically always had the worse taste in men. We are down bad for the bad boys type. I have wished you chosen rosinante boy instead. He is nice.”

Doflamingo made a choking noise while sengoku frozen up.

 “Fleet admiral sengoku,” the imposter walked out the door without a glance back, “ move crocodile’s seat far from doflamingo. If the flamingo brat dares to bring it up , take it to the elder stars , I don’t care, they will handle it for me.”

 “By the way,” They stop at the door, “Rosinante is alive, he works for me now.”

The fleet admiral and warlord are too busy processing the new information to reply when the imposter finally slams the door behind them.

BAM!

the room remains silent.

finally one marine spoke up,  “Who is that person?”

crocodile went back to his original seat. “You do not want to know.”

————afterwards——————-/—————

narrator: later on, doflamingo and crocodile’s best pal, mihawk explained what happened earlier to crocodile , crocodile wasn’t surprised at the slightest.

Despite many questions, crocodile never tell anyone who his granny really is. It took many years in the future for croccy to finally tell doffy.

Despite doflamingo’s protests, crocodile’s seat is moved next to Mihawk’s . This is fine with crocodile and mihawk as the two are friends and they do not need to hide their shared crazy family secrets from each other.

regardless, doflamingo always make sure to check crocodile’s height to see if he is flirting the right person. 

Chapter Text

Fan headcanons and things

about imu

• Imu is 90% unhinged by this point, being bored, alone, and immortal does things to you. Imu is definitely a “mean girl.”
• Imu enjoys socialite activities despite being an ambivert.
• originally, when the world government was first started, imu was a pretty decent and public ruler. They supported government projects on infrastructures and funding public places, like school for all and welfare.
• however, due to several attempts on their life, declining mental state and harassment from the public press encroaching on to their private life, has cause imu to slowly back away from the spotlight and erasing their existence from records. Currently, Imu has a laissez faire-until-intervention-is-needed policy on their position in the world government.
• imu at this point,believe in “there is no such thing as free lunch.” If they are presented with the trolley dilemma, they would choose to sacrifice one person to save five others.
• Queen lili of alabasta and imu used to be very good friends, but however, had a sour fallout after the formation of the world government.
• to this day, Imu wondered where things went wrong with their and lili’s friendship.
• while traveling around, they used the alias, Lady N, (get it? Lady Nerona). They use that name When they went undercover and disguised as an everyday civilian to avoid attention.
• typically, while using this alias, they dyed their hair, colors ranged from natural all black to bright neon. But they liked  the color cherry red the most.
• despite liking female fashion, they do wear masculine clothing time to time.
• imu never met their mother as a child, they used to wish they know who she is, but later regret meeting their mother in the future.
• let’s just say….. imu’s mother is a bigger b*tch than anyone can imagine.
• but at least they met their half sibling from the maternal side!
• imu was surprised that they inherited their terrible taste in lovers from their father, Joyboy, of all people??!. Imu’s mother, on the other hand is into goody two shoes, ironically, since she wasn’t a good person at all. She isn’t going to win any mother of the year award anytime soon.
• there are many things they take after their mother, that they don’t want to admit.

imu :(to her daughter) I meet my mother once, and she is a mega jerk.

Yriaf :(to imu) As bad as father when he went rogue?

 imu: much worse.

yriaf:  Where is she now?

Imu: I believe she is still chained up at the bottom of the ocean…. Or is it she got her body chopped up..? I can’t remember….

yriaf:*traumatized*

• imu would not say they are a good mother. But at least they are loads better than their own.
• imu is a helicopter mom and grandmother, however,despite imu having plans for their child’s/grandchild’s /great grandchildren’s lives, they did tried their best to back off to give their descendants some space, as to not smother them.
• imu enjoy living their life to the fullest, they wrote their commentary about their travels in their journal then published them under a pseudonym; lady N.
• imu can spend millions and billions of berries like it’s tens as the one piece world version of a Quadrillionaire. Imu is so filthy rich, they can bath in pearls and jewels, in milk and chocolate, and in whatever luxurious outrageous stuff out there.
• so filthy rich that Nami can take one look at imu’s hoard of “ priceless wack” and still died from happiness. 
• despite this, Imu still bemoaned about the prices due to the aftermath of the terrible inflation accumulated the in the last century while imu was away doing… whatever, it is still going on now.(Imu is still in the process of fixing it. At least there is improvement, it wasn’t as bad as during the rocks pirates era.)
   “back in my day, a bottle of water only cost about 1 berry, But now, it risen to 150 berries! Such disaster!!! What had the world government have been doing these years!”- imu sama.
• imu likes xebec At first because xebec is cunning, but he is brutally honest and he did not take advantage of imu status and their child they had together.
• however, they started sniping each other after Yriaf was born. That broke down after imu found out xebec was snooping around trying to look for the void century and possibly planning to usurp them.
• imu still loved xebec despite getting him killed. They are still not over with xebec yet. It shows on their clothing. Imu used to wear colorful clothing before xebec’s death. But after his death, they wore black, grays and a occasional white.
• imu and the five elders stars are like garp and sengoku, king julien and Maurice,gojo and nanami.

Macy parade 2023 incident : imu pokes luffy’s straw hat with tree d branch and the straw hat turns into a bucket hat. Imu is still trying to turn it back before luffy notice his hat is missing.

about yriaf 

•  Yriaf tries to be a good mom to crocodile from a long distance.
• that is very hard to do.
• Yriaf got her father’s unruly locks and it passed down to luffy.
• yriaf childhood is a little iffy, it wasn’t the worst, but wasn’t the greatest ,her parents were divorced in a sense (they never officially got married, it would cause a great scandal otherwise) her mom tries their best, but they aren’t exactly mentally right for the job, or morally stable. Imu can easily traumatized a kid.
• Yriaf has a group of holy knights and a occasional cipher pol as her babysitters when she’s younger.
• Yriaf resent her mother for killing off her dad, but secretly knows they had a very good reason, since she did see first hand the reason. Xebec was getting more violent as the years go by. He never intentionally hurt her ( except when she get between someone in the crew and her father’s fights to break it up) but there is matter of time before he snapped and did something he really regrets.
• Yriaf and imu fights occasionally, especially after the god valley incident, yriaf calls imu a coward for not taking actions before things getting spiraling out of control. She Yells at them for allowing such a awful system like slavery to exist and not fixing the corrupt government.And most importantly, for forcing her to chose between her love and child.
• imu yells back that things aren’t so simple, and the fights goes on and on, things are thrown, tables are smashed, curses are yelled across the room, until both ladies ran out of steam and stomp back to their rooms in a huff.
• Yriaf can easily make friends, something imu can’t do because of their paranoia.
• Yriaf is those super nice cinnamon roll Disney princess characters, but she does have her breaking point. She did travel with the rocks pirates, and she wasn’t there wearing poofy dresses and having tea parties. No, she spar with the crew, get into her fair share of fights and battles with the marines, once got her own bounty poster (it was later taken down by the elder stars orders), drink, gamble and laugh with the crew while rocking a lined shirt,black jeans, combat boots and a leather belt with a brass buckle.
• she got along with the crew quite well, after the dissolution of the crew, Yriaf has their den den numbers to keep in touch. Most of them retired and went to hiding, a few continues to be pirates.
• the most fun she ever had is being with the rocks pirates in her teen years.
• until the god valley incident.
• sometimes it scares her how much crocodile is acting similar to imu.

About crocodile

• when crocodile was younger, he thought the coolest person in the world was his grandmother. So he stuck a lollipop in his mouth to pretend it’s a cigar and acting aristocratic and being manipulating behind the scenes, all those kinds of stuff.
• now, he is just annoyed of them sticking their nose in his business.
• crocodile’s true name is ilida D Newgate. He chooses his new name after his grandfather  and combined with his original name.( croc/rock d dile—-> crocodile).
• crocodile calls Marshall d teach as the “ cheap imitation of xebec .” That he will never be as notorious and great as xebec ever was. 
  apparently, his mother and grandmother agreed and teach was never heard of again. Crocodile did heard that granny had searched for the dark dark fruit after that and kept it in a bulletproof glass box,and being creepy about it.
• best not think about it further .😰

———————————————————

somewhere in the void century…

advisor: I hope imu grew up as a upstanding, kind and capable person.

imu:( laughing manically as they watch “islands disappear “ from a crystal ball as they sit on the empty throne)

advisor: …….😭 where did I go wrong?

Chapter Text

Garp was in sengoku’s office eating rice crackers.

An average day, right?

BANG !

Garp looked up and saw sengoku at the door. He looks worse for wear and very pissed off, he glared at garp.

“DAMN IT, GARP, IT’S YOUR GRANDSON AGAIN!”

Garp starts laughing, “HAHAHAHA, What did luffy do again? Burn down another base and raided their kitchens? Humiliated the marines?”

While this is happening, sengoku’s pet goat wanders in.

 “No!” Sengoku slams a newspaper on the desk, “see it for yourself !”

On the headline, it reads:

BREAKING NEWS: Strawhat Luffy violently beats up celestial dragon saint Carlos Rosward, wrecks an auction and throws Sabaody into chaos!

“BHAAHAAAHAAA!” Garp laughing himself sick. “That’s my grandson! Senny! We need to tell N about this!”

Garp grabs a den den mushi and dials a number.

Not long after, the person on the other line picked up.

 “Hello garp,” a calm chilling voice answers.

 “Hey N,” Garp is grinning from ear to ear, “Did ya see the news?”

 “Who hasn't ?” The person on the other end breaks into a smile. “My agents informed me the second after it happened ! They even have it on tape!” 

 “BHAHAHA!” Garp pounds the desk as he guffaws. “Send a copy to me!”

 “Heck no.” N puffs out their cigarette smoke.

 “What? Why?”

 “Garp .” Sengoku sighs as he feeds his goat some lettuce. “Do you want to be accused of treason?”

 “Don’t worry senny!” Garp shoves rice crackers into his mouth. “I have you and Tsuru to help cover me, and if the old farts up in Mary geoise kicks up a fuss, we can ask N and Sal to ….” He looks back at sengoku, sengoku is too distracted with his goat trying to eat documents to fully pay attention to what Garp was saying “…..whoop their asses.”

 “How bold of you to assume I’ll help you, Garp.” N swirls a glass of whiskey on rocks as N’s voice drops to a lower octave. “As much as threatening to feeding those wrinkly turds to Scyllacharybdis whirlpool seem fun, I don’t do nepotism.”

 “You’re saying that as if celestial dragons don’t exist, and we all know that you’ve been secretly doing things for ‘em brats*.”

 N paused for a moment. “Touché , Garp, touché.”

Sengoku gestures for the den den mushi and Garp hands it to him, sengoku coughs into his fist “Oh, about the celestial dragons, will the saint roswards ….?”

 “Don’t worry about it.” N said. “I’ve gotten it all handled,I can assure you that sabaody archipelago will not be buster called, for now. While I don’t feel bad for that stupid fool Carlos, I do feel bad for the elder stars having to do damage control.”

 “I don’t.” Garp picks his nose. “But the bounty stays right?”

 “The bounty stays.” The voice confirms. “I expect it to go considerably up,right?”

 “Yes.” Sengoku replies and tries to stop his goat from destroying the documents.

 “Garp,” N continues, “The next time you see luffy, tell him to stop causing so much trouble, my old billies stars look like they’re about to quit and run away to become bakers.”

“Hahaha!”garp chuckles, “I would try,but….”

 “Trouble and chaos are the ASL’s unofficial middle names.” They both said in unison. Immediately after, They both laugh like hyenas.

 “Baaa.” The goat continues trying to eat the papers.

 “How is Rosinante?” Sengoku ask as he saves the important documents .

“Your son Rosinante is fine, he finally grew some balls and reunited with your now grandson, Law-something guy. It would have been so cute, if they didn’t have to run away from the scene. One of doflamingo’s goons nearly spotted them, fortunately , they managed to get away.”

 “How is sal ?”Garp asked as he petted the goat’s fur. “I thought she would be there to see it.”

 “She’s off to go mushroom hunting, something about beards, crows,reptiles,ace,hating pies from now on, and that justice fails us so must take vigilante measures to destroy the backstabbing menace.”

 “Sounds like she’s planning something big!”

 “I have no doubts about that.”

Sengoku checks his watch. “I apologize,I have a meeting starting shortly.”

 “No need to apologize,Fleet Admiral Sengoku.” N said. “Good day to you.”

 “As well.” Sengoku replied and left with his goat.

 Once the door closed, Garp spoke up. “Aye,N, about ace….”

 “Ace won’t die.” N interrupts. “Have faith in me, it may not look like it, but I can fully say ace won’t die.”

 “Well, that is all I need to hear! I trust in you N.”

 “Your trust will not be misplaced, Good bye Garp.”

*click*

———————————————————-

Narrator : this event happened after the warlords meeting disaster.currently,all sengoku knows is that “N” also known as imu, is some one high in the world government and close to the elder stars. Only garp knows the whole truth due to N always crashing in to Foosha Village to shower the asl gifts.

garp,sengoku,and tsuru are the big three and best of all pals and later “sal” aka Yriaf joins in into a quartet.(since her mother bans her from joining up pirates).

yriaf is currently on a warpath and hunting down teach and his pirates, she even brings admiral akainu along  to help tan the Blackbeard pirates asses. Later on, imu would join in the fun and bought their trusty chainsaw to do free castrations and hand removals on the Blackbeard pirates.

Rosinante reunited with law,shedding many tears of joy muted by the nagi nagi no mi. Like what N said, it would have been cute if they aren’t surrounded by doflamingo’s goons and being in the middle of a Fricking battlefield. 

In truth, it was really Yriaf who saved Rosinante by carrying him away and get him a doctor. Rosinante remained in coma until right around when luffy first began his journey.

Rosinante calls Yriaf “auntie” as she was Rosinante’s mom’s childhood friend.

Imu doesn’t really cared at first, but later considers him a relative all but blood, and attempts to matchmake him with crocodile,because the only other option from list of “possible in laws from tolerable celestial dragon families”, is loony bin psycho doffy. The other options are hot headed akainu, revolutionary obsessed dragon, katakuri  and other considerable “unworthy”suitors.

Chapter Text

Xebec D Rocks is what you call a man, a manly man, the epitome of testosterone, a tough guy with the right amount of brain cells and head on his shoulders. The alpha male on top of the food chain.

 he wouldn’t back down from a challenge, (if any person dares to challenge him) and charges towards it, unyielding to anything that comes his way. He enjoys  fighting…….and winning.

Unlike most pirates of the era, Xebec is well educated. Being born and raised on the island known for archeologists and the tree of knowledge, with parents that values education, does ensure that if he left the island, he would leave with more than just a primary school education.

And he did leave His home island, intrigued by the poneglyphs, those stones full of mysteries and unknown powers, but he can not crack the mysterious language written on damn stone.

 No one can, all they know is that 20 kingdoms allied themselves to overthrow one , the kingdom that possessed great power. But was the possession that caused great fear among the elites in the world government? 

Was it the three ancestral weapons, its whereabouts hidden within those blasted rocks?

What really happened in the void century?

Why did those 20 kingdoms overthrow that ancient kingdom?

So many questions, and no answers, so xebec left home seeking them.

…….

Throughout his journey, he encounters many things, both ordinary and strange. 

He fought many formidable foes and defeated them all.

He formed his own crew, sailed the blues and the grandline, and gained riches.

Yet.

He still hasn't gotten close to cracking the poneglyphs. 

Yet.

While he hasn’t cracked the language, he did find the primary source who did live through those times, by a complete accident.

He was this close, this close to gaining those ancient weapons and becoming the king of the world.

Then he died.

He had it coming.

He had let his ambitions get the best of him, and underestimated the extent of retaliation if they found out.

The books weren't kidding when they said “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned”.

If there is one thing this macho man fears, it would be……

His wife.

(They are a short being in their human form, but don’t let that fool you, they can take down a man 10x their height in that form!)

Yeah, in hindsight, maybe…trying to steal the title of the king of the world from his wife isn’t a great idea.

Especially knowing how psychotic they can get when it comes to their power, wealth and security.

……

Xebec can say he is a pretty content man.

He is unfathomable to the world government, he has a enormous fleet of ships, a powerful crew under his command, and a powerful devil fruit.

With them, he can crown himself the king of pirates of his era and can have all the riches and power in this world.

He isn’t bad in the looks department either, women, rich or poor, flock to him in droves. In the end, he manages to snag a world noble as his wife. Who also happens to be the ruler of the entire world.

He lives to have a child of his own, see her getting married and meet his grandson.

Xebec can say he lived a pretty decent life without too many regrets.

But he did regret a few things the most.

If only he lived a bit longer and made sure immy isn’t alone, he felt bad when he saw them cry alongside his daughter at the private funeral held back at the hidden areas of Pangea castle. Whether it’s out of anger or genuine sadness, he can’t be sure.

If only he did not fell for his devil fruit’s temptations and continue furthering his ambitions and power hunger. Maybe im won’t have to fear for their life and him losing his humanity.

So many what ifs, But it’s too late by now.

Because xebec is chilling on a cloud, next to him are some of his deceased old crew, same as ever when they were alive and are pirates, but less crime.

They are playing around,drinking,feasting and wrestling. Things like that.

Xebec didn’t know why he is in heaven, he is far from being a virtuous person, but he isn’t going to be looking at a gifted horse in the mouth.

And So, with that said, xebec looks down from his cloud and decides to go to check up on how his ex wife imu has been doing all these years.

He finds himself in a large beautiful tiled room, there is a mixture of Victorian and Grecian decor. From marble columns with climbing vines to decorative porcelain vases full of exotic cut flowers, and mosaic tiled floors that are a work of art.

There are portraits, yellow flower-like lamps, towels and towel racks and beautiful floral bath mats.

The bathtub tray is full of various items, including snacks and drinks, tiny potted succulents,a bowl of flower petals and scented candles, it is on an elegantly sculpted vintage bathtub, and in it…

He is greeted with the beautiful form of his ex wife……

….naked in a bubble bath.

ᶘ○་།○ᶅ

Blood instantly spurt out of his nose as his face turn as red as those rose petals floating around in the bubble bath.

Yes, he had seen his ex wife unclothed multiple times when he was alive, and one of them resulted in an oopsie baby.

But this is the first time he had seen this after he was dead…..and without them knowing…

He can partially hear John snickering and calling him a peeping Tom!

It didn’t help that his ex wife looks so sexy when they are causally lean on one end of the bathtub with a bored look on their face. Swirling a cognac in a glass in one hand and blowing bubbles with the other.

Xebec fought the temptation of looking south from his ex wife’s face and down to their….

Xebec smacks himself in the face.

Control yourself, Xebec! His mind scolds himself, You are in heaven, how dare you think such indecent thoughts ! don’t blow your chance!

A knock on the door brought him out of his self scolding.

“Come in.” Imu said with a flat, emotionless voice as their eyes still fixated on the glass.

A servant came in,head bowed and holding a silver tray, on the tray is a single white envelope.

Within six inches away from the tub, the servant knelt and kept her head down.

His ex wife took the envelope and placed the glass on the silver tray.  Imu pries it open, takes out a folded paper, unfolds it ,and quickly scans the contents.

Slowly, mixed emotions crept onto their face and suddenly sat upright and leaned towards the paper to examine the letter.

Xebec lends over,trying to read the letter’s contents.

A quiet whisper echoes through the room.

 “I have a great grandson.”

Xebec trips over in thin air.

!

His ex wife gestures to the servant to place the tray on the nearby table ,then with one hand, shoos them out.

The servant silently complied and quickly left.

When the door shut, his ex wife’s  hands start to tremble.

Xebec’s hands instantly went to his ears, preparing what is to come .

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

Imu shrieks in joy. “I HAVE A GREAT GRANDSON!!!”

It lasted for a full five minutes before they finish letting out all their excitement.

Imu leans back to that bathtub and takes a glass of cognac, but still holding the letter.

As they mull over the contents, something dawn onto them. 

Their face contorted into fury, the grip on the glass tightens, until it shatter in their hand in a thousand pieces, the liquid drips down to the floor like ichor.

 “That’s it,” His ex wife growls with pure venom. “Dragon must die.”

Xebec however is worried about the state of his ex wife’s hand and the glass shard hazard on the bathroom floor, but xebec also wanted to destroy things as well.

HIS LITTLE SNAPPING GATOR GREW UP TOO FAST!

It is almost as if it is only one second before crocodile was a feisty child wanting to fight him, and the other second, crocodile is grown up and DATING BOYS?!

WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL FIRST!!!

His ex wife place the letter on the tray and started chuckling madly.

Xebec took the opportunity to read the letter.

.

.

.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

┻━┻彡 ヽ(ಠДಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

He is so enraged that his soul yeet himself back to heaven.

His ex crew took one look at the smoking ends of his hair and quickly backed away.xebec paid no heed to them, but he did punch some clouds to release his anger.

Damn nerona and their bad taste in lovers!

(He ignored the part that, in the way,he insulted himself)

Speaking of family members that have bad taste in spouses, 

The heavens parted like the Red Sea as a person manifesting is coming through.

It is his father in law and ancestor.

Joyboy D.

The incarnation of the sun god Nika himself.

——————————-

Five years earlier, in the depths of the ocean, an unknown entity bounded to the deepest part of the earth grins.

He came back.

———————————-

How imu reacts if xebec hangs out too closely with another women.

(In a bar)

Woman: (seductive)hi hottie.

Xebec : hi, you are not bad looking yourself.

(Slipper thrown from high speed Impaled onto the table)

Imu: (crash through the wall after running on water, punches the lady and holds a chainsaw) Xebec! Are you cheating on me!

Xebec: (running away) No im! I love only you!

narrator: the answer to what happens if imu founds out if lover is cheating is, you don’t get an opportunity to cheat. 

Chapter Text

 Xebec introduces kaido 

Xebec: Hey imu, imu, imu!

Imu: (puts down magazine) what?

Xebec: look what I’ve got!

Xebec: (shows teenage kaido, he is holding him by kaido’s shirt collar)

Kaido: Let me go old man!

Xebec: OLD MAN ?! I’m only 41!

Imu: (stare hard at xebec) is he tonight’s dinner?

Xebec: Wha-? No! He is the 15 year old rookie I was talking about !

Imu: Rookie..? Isn’t he the brat with an abnormally high bounty?

Xebec: Yes, and he is the newest member of the crew! Btw are you going to say something or…?

Imu: he looks interesting, maybe he can amuse me with some circus tricks with that club of his, and there is no age limit for criminals, so I guess you can keep him.

Xebec: Really? You aren’t going to ask me to put him in an orphanage?

Imu: Wha-, you want me to put him in an orphanage? Do I look like a nurturing type to you? Besides, he's going to traumatize the other children with his ugly mug anyways.

Kaido: I’m gonna kill you B*tch!

Imu: See, he’s funny.

Narrator: Kaido ended up as the short receiving end of his captain’s wife's antics, but imu is fond of him like a haughty king is fond of a particularly funny jester. But they do care enough to warn Kaido about the IRS.

———————————————————————

Sabo at Mary geoise 

Imu: 😧S-s-sabo? What are you doing here?

Sabo: 🤯G-Great grandmother? What are you doing on that throne? Are you secretly the one pulling all the strings? Oh blues, 😱Does sandman know ?!

Imu: I- i , 😨wait! Sabo,  it isn’t what it looks like! 

Sabo: (running out of the throne room) I’m telling sandman! And also grandmom sally *, gramps and grandpops! 

Imu: oh no, you won’t! 🤬

Elder star shepherd juPeter : (in Zoan form and whispering to Marcus mars) 🫢 should we tell noble Sabo that Garp the fist, the saint prince**, the high saintess***, and the high saintess‘s consort already knows?

Elder star Marcus mars:(in Zoan form) nah, let everything unfold. This is interesting.

———five minutes later————

Imu: (flying and dropping Sabo onto an uninhabited island, there is a signpost that said imu’s exile island for unruly family members) Now stay there!

Narrator: Sado is stuck on that island until Ace picks him up from a canoe . Sabo is unable to get off himself because that island has sea kings and sharks circling around the premises and has no trees or materials other than rocks , more rocks and kelp. Despite this, Sabo did not starve to death because of daily packages of food. 

Saint prince is the title of crocodile, as he is the son of Yriaf, the high saintess. Sally is just another name for Yriaf, since Yriaf is really a royalty name( her holy highness , high saintess yriaf)and Sally, short for salamander crow, are the name she uses as commoner.

——————————————————————

Why Linlin would never arrange a marriage between crocodile and katakuri 

Linlin: It would be nice if I have the blood of xebec in my family, besides I am on friendly terms with Yriaf ! I think my son katakuri and crocodile are a good match!

Imu: Ą̵̺̰̻̻͔͇͓̈́̓͛̏̈́͌͋̄̑͆̏r̵̡͕͈͚͍͍̼͕̍̀̈́̽̎̍͗̍́̏̚͜͠ë̸͓̮͉͈͇͍̖͎̩̞͈́́́̋̇̾͋̈́̾͆͑͘͘͜͠͝ y̶͔͗ŏ̸̡̼̺̫̥̻͈̞̍͆̏̓́͜͝ͅu̷̬̩̰̫͕̘͎̔́̃̄̍͋̓ Ŗ̷͇̙̰̭̪̟̺̲̜̹͔̎̍́ͅë̸͓̮͉͈͇͍̖͎̩̞͈́́́̋̇̾͋̈́̾͆͑͘͘͜͠͝ǎ̴̯̀͠l̶̬̞͎̖͉̹̝͕̝͖̣̉͆l̶̬̞͎̖͉̹̝͕̝͖̣̉͆y̶͔͗ s̴̹̀̎̇͗̍͗̾̋̏̈͐͒̕͠͠ͅu̷̬̩̰̫͕̘͎̔́̃̄̍͋̓r̵̡͕͈͚͍͍̼͕̍̀̈́̽̎̍͗̍́̏̚͜͠ë̸͓̮͉͈͇͍̖͎̩̞͈́́́̋̇̾͋̈́̾͆͑͘͘͜͠͝ ǎ̴̯̀͠b̸̼̋͛̑͆̈́͗̿̅ŏ̸̡̼̺̫̥̻͈̞̍͆̏̓́͜͝ͅu̷̬̩̰̫͕̘͎̔́̃̄̍͋̓t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅ t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅḥ̸̨̧̗̮̖̽̂̓̀̍̋͋́̅̃͘͜͝ǎ̴̯̀͠t̸̫̫̤͕̳̻̰̣̭́̌̉͝ͅ??

Linlin: (sweat drops) 😰oh no-no-no! It’s just simple musing! 

Linlin: (in her mind) actually, forget about it, I’m not sure I can handle the captain's wife as a in law. They're too scary!)

Narrator: this also applies to luffy as well, linlin is not a fool, she may also want a celestial dragon bloodline integrated into her family, but  gaining a crazy homicidal tyrant who sentences people to impel down for tax evasion is not worth it.

—————————————————————-

Yriaf, Stussy, weevil, crocodile and Edward 

Yriaf: (rolling up her sleeves to throw hands with Stussy ) 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬You money hungry B^tch ! How could you! Why would you say you slept with my husband? I thought you were my friend!🤬🤬🤬🤬

Buckingham Stussy: (backing away , feeling a bit scared since she can see xebec wrath mode in Yriaf eyes, and Stussy is still scared of her old captain.) ummmm~ Yriaf dear,  I can explain , I swear, it’s-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Edward weevil: I’m going to save you mommy!

Crocodile: (watching it go down in the distance hill with whitebeard pirates) you didn’t do it with stussy did you, pops ?

Edward Newgate: of course not! If I did, your grandmother would have killed me! Then your grandfather will haunt me from the grave! 

Marco: (looking at the readers and whispering, also breaking the fourth wall in the process ) also the timeline didn’t match- yoi , if weevil is 35 and crocodile-yoi is 46, it would make crocodile-yoi be only 11 when weevil  is “born”. But the rocks pirates disbanded when crocodile was 6, and we sure heck didn’t see Stussy after that-yoi. 

Crocodile:(getting angry) it’s an obvious money based ploy.

Imu: (polishing her sword , war mace and lance) that’s my girl! Beat that home wrecker’s ass! Show her who's the boss! Teach her what happens when you break the girl code! I’ll handle that stupid-ass clone, weevil !

Crocodile : (jump down from the hill )  Wait for me, grandMother, I'll help you as well!

Narrator: in short, weevil is most likely 7 feet under and Buckingham Stussy is in dire need of a face reconstruction surgery. Edward Newgate feels there is no need to intervene, he does not tolerate people who have desires to wreck his family and dismiss his sons, especially if they lie they’re part of the family for selfish reasons. He also knew better than to intervene when his love is on a warpath and his mother in law coming for vengeance.

——————————————————————

Chapter Text

Announcement of weevil as a warlord

Imu:(looking at the newspaper ) Huh…Edward weevil?? This so-called son of Edward Newgate, Whitebeard…and his mother, Buckingham Stussy ... .or shall I say…. Stussy the hussy …isn’t she part of the rocks pirates? Isn’t she there at the wedding? As one of the bridesmaids??

Yriaf:(looking over imu’s shoulder) dang, Stussy sure didn’t age well.

Imu: I can say the same for Gloriosa and linlin, tsuru aged average and shakky didn’t age at all. But at least none of them really experience a decline of fashion sense like Stussy did. What is with that bowl cut????

Yriaf : 😒Why are you so focused on that?

Imu: why aren’t you worried if Edward really did cheat on you?

Yriaf: Edward wouldn’t do that, he isn’t that type of man, besides didn’t you have cameras installed on moby dick to watch crocodile? And even if hypothetically he did, you would’ve already torn him into pieces.

Imu: Hah! You’re right about that. It’s pretty clever of me to install those cameras, eh?

Yriaf:(¬ ¬ ) yeah….right…. Besides, Stussy doesn’t seem to be interested in Edward before? She had made fun of his chin once. It isn’t like her to do an 180.

Imu: ….Edward weevil is a dead giveaway that this “man” isn’t really whitebeard’s son. Stussy, of all people, should know that the last name is “Newgate “ ,not Edward. I guess she went senile.

Yriaf: which is why I don’t believe her.

Imu: …speaking of which, isn’t she part of the science institute, MADS? It is very possible that Edward weevil is simply no more than a botched clone of Edward Newgate.

Yriaf: Yes, I still can’t believe she did this, we used to be so close.

Imu: (gives her a pity look)(っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥) I know how that feels, my little butterfly, I felt that way when lili decided to stab me in the back and humiliated me in public.

Yriaf: 😒aren’t you exaggerating the whole situation? She didn’t humiliate you in public, she just accidentally spread the poneglyphs.

Imu: exactly, it contains stories I don’t want anyone to find out and be aware of.This is why I ban that particular language.

Yriaf: (deadpans) (¬_¬)You are crazy, ma.

Imu:(*smirks*)(¬‿¬) I know.

— — —— —— —— — — — —— —— —— —— ——

Edward weevil:( running towards crocodile) Brother !

Crocodile: (picks up his kids and runs away)  LOL Nope.

—— ——— ——— ———— ——— —— —— —— —

Xebec: Okay, my younger members of my crew, let me impart my pearls of wisdom onto you : do your taxes. 

Kaido: why? 

Xebec: tax evasion is what done my predecessor in.

Linlin: What happened to him?

Xebec: my predecessor, the infamous Al biggie and his crew got sent to impel down. Their fleets destroyed, their assets seized, their names disgraced and probably would’ve been executed by the time they got to impel down, if the IRS hadn't decided that he is more useful alive, so they put Al biggie and his crew to work in a sweatshop. Where they work to death trying to pay off the taxes they owed,the fine, the bail, the interest and their debt. 

Shakky : isn’t that slavery or indentured servitude? 

Xebec : I don’t know and I don’t care either way, but regardless, what can I say? The IRS doesn't feel pity,fear, or remorse. And they will and definitely squeeze out every cent outta you. So! Pay your taxes, children, and you can basically pretty much getaway with everything else.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

The real reason xebec got killed in god valley

Xebec: really imu? Are you that heartless to kill me, your ex, so soon?

Imu: Yes, I will kill you ! 🤬

Xebec : oof, that’s harsh, why? Do you have any good reason? Or is it something petty like over a breakup and a messy divorce?

Imu: No, it’s because you used me as a coverup for tax fraud !

Xebec: ( surprised pikachu face )😦….what.

Everyone: what. 😧

Imu: xebec, are you deaf? 😠

Xebec : S-so you aren’t mad at me for studying the void century and trying to take over the world?

Imu: oh ho, no, i'm still mad about that, that throne belongs to me and only me, you have no rights to take it. I’m upset at you for various reasons, but committing tax fraud really takes the cake.

Xebec : what did I even do? 

Imu:🤬 you put married on your tax form! We are divorced !!!!! For fricking TWO YEARS! PERIOD!🤬

Sengoku : Guys, is this a fight to save the world or is it a really bad soap opera?

Roger : No clue.

Garp : i like this drama, LOL

Xebec :(embarrassed face)  oops, a bad habit after being married for some time.

Imu: It’s bad enough for you to commit tax fraud, But dragging me into it?! I was questioned by my own organization! MY OWN FRICKING ORGANIZATION!!!! It’s so humiliating to be placed in that position !  🤬🤬🤬

Xebec : Okay, Okay babe I won’t do it again. But I thought heads of the IRS don’t need to pay taxes?

Imu: yes, I did my taxes.

Xebec: ……

Imu: …..

Everyone : ….

Imu : (holds up a chainsaw ) AND I’M STILL GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!  🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Xebec : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!   😱😱😱😱

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

Crocodile: gran, this is ace.

Imu: yes, and I have a feeling that you aren’t telling me everything.

Crocodile: promise me you won’t get mad.

Imu: Okay , I won’t. Depending on the news.

Crocodile : he’s the son of gold roger.

Imu:….who?

Crocodile: Gol D. Roger

Imu: okay , another D., big fat deal. I don’t care about D.s.

Crocodile: you don’t understand, do you.

Imu: I don’t understand why people think I hated the D clan so much.

Crocodile : he’s literally the pirate king.

Imu: Pirate king? Nah, he isn’t a pirate king, that crown almost went to your grandfather, and I, the widow of the almost king of pirates, sure hell didn’t crown anyone else as the king of the pirates. Besides, he isn't that strong. It took teamwork with gol d roger and the marines to take down Xebec.

Crocodile : his cabin boy became a yonko.

Imu: So? Your gramp’s crew produced more yonkos, the last three yonkos out of four are all former Rocks pirates.

Crocodile: Gol D. roger kicked off the pirate age.

Imu: No he didn’t, it was some random guy who asked him questions. Ask D. Question started the pirate age as much as Roger did. 

Crocodile: his treasure is the mysterious one piece.

Imu: i know what the fu#k it is.

Crocodile : You do?

Imu: i know what the fu#k it is and i refuse to let anyone have it.

Crocodile: Let me guess, it has to do with the void century.

Imu:.... I will not confirm or deny that.

Crocodile: that is not helping with your case.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------

Teach: zehahaha! I’m evil and i am the boss of a gang of the most evilest and vilest scums in the world

Marco : there are people more evil than all of you combined, yoi.

Teach : what? Who can be more possibly more evil than me?

Marco : the healthcare system, for one, then we have the celestial dragons, and lastly, I think it’s tax season again, did you do your taxes?

Teach:( running away ) I must get my tax form done today!

Marco : ( whispering to us) That was easy, I didn't know even that teach is scared of tax collectors.

____________________________________________

Yriaf: Okay bois, we are going to do a little training today.

Ace : no, we already told gramps we don’t wanna be marines.

Yriaf : When did I say we are training to become marines?

Luffy : We are training to become pirates?!

Yriaf : Yep ! but please promise me you don’t tell your gramps and your great grandmother about this, Okay?

ASL: Sure!

Sabo: What training are we going to do?

Yriaf: 100 push ups! 100 sit ups! 100 squats! and a 10km run!

—------------years later—--------------------------

Luffy : i’m gonna kick your ass for making my nakama cry!

Arlong: haha, and what makes you thi—

POW!!!!!!!!! (*luffy punches Arlong into sushi*)

Luffy :Aw, one punch again? This isn’t fair, this isn’t even fun at all.

—-------------some time later -----------------------------------

Ace: You hurt thatch and betrayed pops, i’m here for revenge!

Blackbeard: zehahaha, and what you’re gonna do? Punch me?

Ace : ( * fire fist punch*)

Blackbeard: ( * sees the incoming on fire fist and tries to use the dark dark fruit and sweat drops*) is it too late to surrender?

Blackbeard : ( * turns into BBQ*)

Ace: (kicks teach’s body ) That was easy, I was hoping for a fight.

-----also some time later-----------------------------------------

(some enemies surrounded sabo)

Enemy A: revolutionary sabo! Surrender now, you are surrounded. 

Sabo : I think not. (*punches the ground and created an 5-6 scale earthquake*)

Enemy A : dang, ( falls down) did he have an earth related devil fruit?

Sabo: No, it’s because I worked out.

Rob lucci: (in hiding in the corner) this man is clearly dangerous.

Enemy b: is it because of his fist? 

Rob lucci: No, it’s because this vagabond is making my mind want to go against my orders/duties and elope with him.

Sabo: What was that?

Rob lucci: Nothing, you criminal!

—back at Pangea castle—————————-

Imu: why do I have the feeling that the ASL is causing trouble again and it’s because of my troublemaking daughter?

—somewhere in the world————————

Yriaf: Why do I have a bad feeling that my mom is going to whoop my ass?

————————————————————————

World government : committing the worst of all horrendous war crimes against humanity.

Imu: I sleep.

Anyone who got one cent wrong on their tax form: *exist*

Imu: real sh*t 

———————————————————————

The only way a marine is allowed to place celestial dragons in prison without repercussions.

Marine guy: (bowing) your divine holiness, this lowlife would like to humbly ask you, We know your holiness has been involved with some unsavory businesses that even your fellow nobles are reporting you of illegal cruelty.

Saint something guy*:  Whooah! Look at you with the blasphemy slanderous talk, I ain’t done none of that!

Marine guy: But your holiness, you're richer than your fellow regular gods, right?

Saint something guy : you damn right I am!

Marine guy:And so your holiness, where did all these extra money come from?

Saint something guy: okay, I’ll let you know a little secret but you better promise with your life you aren’t going to tell anyone, right?

Marine guy: yes, your holiness.

Saint something guy: I, Don’t pay my taxes.

(Holy knights and marines came in with guns and marine guy put Saint something guy in handcuffs)

Saint something guy: WHOOOOOAH?! 

*inspired by Al Capone and Delphine LaLaurie, the New Orleans socialite and serial killer in the early nineteenth century who tortured her slaves so badly that even other slave owners ran her and her family out of town with pitchforks and torches for crimes against humanity.

———————————————————————-

Narrator: in short, the only way for a marine to legally arrest a celestial dragon is if they commit tax crimes.

Yes, not even celestial dragons are safe from taxes, but they did pay lesser tax rates than the normal commoners.

But the IRS still scares them, it didn’t help that the IRS also have a branch that deals with celestial dragons.

———————————————————————-

Imu: (sees luffy unlock gear 5) 

Imu: (pulls out a drum and champagne)OH HELL YEAH! BRING IT! 🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂🥁🪘🪘🪘🥁🪘🥁🪘

Yriaf: Go luffy! Kick his ass!

———————————————————————

Narrator: we all know that imu is pint sized

Imu: I’M NOT SHORT!! I’M AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR MY TIME!!! (Dramatic crying). 😭😭😭｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡

———————————————————————

Sengoku: we are gathered here today, to witness the execution of Portgas D. Ace, the son of gold roger!

Imu: (watching from tv) Who?

Ace: (sarcastically) who?

Whitebeard  pirates : (jokingly) who?

Luffy : (confused about the situation ) Who??

Garp: (jokingly) Who?

Sengoku: (flabbergasted) he was the pirate king who kicked off the pirate age, his treasure is the one piece, I thought you all know?

Ace: Who is he? Never heard of him.

Thatch: who is gold Roger anyway?

Whitebeard: (amuse) did you get the wrong guy?

Narrator: In short, everyone attempts to gaslight sengoku that gold roger didn’t exist.

Chapter Text

It is a sunny day, the seagulls flew by the side of a large ship, which we know is the moby dick, one of the seagull fly by a porthole (circular windows you see on ships), and in that porthole,you can see a group of young whitebeard pirates shaking in their seats.

In front of them is a folding desk,strewn with white papers,a chalkboard slate, writing utensils and textbooks. The pirates look to wish to be anywhere but here.

In front of the room is a rolling chalkboard, and in front of that, sitting in a plastic folding chair, is the person they feared.

Typically a short woman doesn’t command authority, but this one does, with the black and white hair pull back and tied into a bun, wearing a white collared shirt, a black blazer jacket with 2 pockets, and a black pencil skirt, with arms crossed, a hand holding a yardstick, a pair of sunglasses on top of the head and a stern look on the face, the woman look like an interrogator.

Despite their tiny height, their booming voice echos the room, “If you have 115 apples, and you gave away them to 5 people, how many apples does each person receive?!?”

Some of the pirates are about to break into tears, one brave soul raises his hand and whispers “D-d-diabetes?”

How does this happen?

Where is whitebeard??

It all started because Pops is drunk and can’t shut his mouth.

One week ago on moby dick 

Three adults are sitting around the round table, the table is strewn with alcohol bottles, enough to give any people alcohol poisoning, we aren’t talking about normal people here, one of the adults is a gigantic man, one adult is a resentful mother in law, whose stomach is like a black hole, and the last adult is a pink haired woman who isn’t drinking at all.

The giant and the mother in law held their drinks of choice and glared at each other. The woman looks at both of them warily, preparing to separate the two if it ever comes to it.

But surely it will never come to it ,right?

We are all mature adults here, right ?

 “I must say..” the mother in law, a woman looking too young for their age, with bicolor hair that no one knows if it’s fake or not,spoke up. “You have adopted another litter of children, I can’t say if I’m pleased or annoyed.”

“I don’t see how it is any of your business.” The giant grunted, He is a giant man, with his body jam packed with muscles despite his age, black bandana headband on his head, and a white banana like mustache. But it looks more like a whale bone.

His mother in law sneers, “it’s interesting, it was only fifteen years since Ilida was born, yet there isn’t another child within the last six years you two have been together.”

 “Mother!” The woman cries out scandalized.

 Her mother ignores her and continues on, “ Are you two just embarrassed of resuming your passionate activities,children? That didn’t stop you two before, I do know for a fact, daughter, that you are perfectly capable of carrying another. Other than Ilida, you made zero more heirs.”

 “I didn’t see you making more, mother .”

 “We were drunk and horny, and I thought I was infertile.” The bicolor haired woman replied, “Also our relationship was pretty rocky after you came along.”

Whitebeard spoke up, “Probably because your terrible personality finally drove him off.” 

 “Oh?” The bicolor haired woman commented sweetly, “aren’t you two still together? Then where are those additional babies during those six years ? What is your excuse?”

 “We were trying, ma.” Yriaf replied dryly.

Imu’s eyebrow went up, “are you?” Imu gives her , are you kidding me? Face, “ really…? Child, I'm pretty sure I explained everything to you, I drew you pictures, I gave you those books, are you sure he was placing it in the right place? Or is there a weird fetish I wasn’t aware of ?”

 “Mother!” The woman’s face turns blood red, as the same time the giant man's face turns increasingly red, whether from embarrassment or anger, we don’t know,  

“How Shameless!” The woman cries out in modification.

 “Yriaf,honey,” imu crossed their legs. “I am not trying to kink shame you,that would make me a hypocrite.”

“Then can we move on,” Yriaf recollected her composure, “talking about the …intimate things in a ship full of children doesn’t sit well with me.”

 “I’m pretty sure most of them are old enough to receive The Talk, they can handle the other brats.” Imu pours themselves another glass, “ All well, That was the past and beggars can’t be choosers, as much I want more blood related brats, this misfits crew will do, they are criminals , but still they’re family.”

 “Family?” Yriaf questions her mother, “Never see you as a person ever acknowledging them as family.”

“Hush child, do you think I’m that heartless? You and Edward adopted these children, so therefore they are part of the family, Although ....” They mutter, “it feels more like Edward grabs all the orphans he can find and surprise adoption…shouldn’t adoptions need both parents consent? But then again, Edward is a criminal and doesn’t play the rules *mutter* *mutter*.”

 “Anyway, Anyways.” The pink haired woman interrupts. “Can’t we all get along? This hatred is getting more and more petty each passing year.”

 “No.” Both the mustache man and the bicolored hair woman said at the same time.

“Mother in law is insufferable.” The titanic man huffs and drinks from his giant sake jug.

 “And whitebeard is an idiot.” The mother-in-law-from-hell grumbles as they stare at the bottom of their teacup. “I am glad I managed to send Ilida to boarding school before Edward corrupts  Ilida with his criminal, barbaric ways.”

 “Mother,” the pink haired woman sighs, “ you didn’t send him to boarding school, you sent him to the isle of women.”

 “ oh, yes, Glorisa owes me a favor.”

“You did know Ilida is a man and his name is crocodile, right?”

 “That is irrelevant, Man, woman, or whatever, he still has womanly parts, they won’t kick him out .”

“ But why the isle of women?”

“ They are known for their woman warriors,croco- Ilida needs to know his female side isn’t weak. He can be a man all he wants, but it doesn't sit right to me that he wants to be a man because he thinks being a girl is weak.”

“ Crocodile isn’t you, you may be okay with being both genders, but I am sure he is a man not because he wants to be, but he feels to be.” Yriaf reply back. 

“ Whatever his reasons, he still needs to know his past self isn’t shameful.” Imu shrugs like an uncaring sociopath asshole they are.

 “ Still!” Whitebeard slams his sake bottle on the table, “ Do you really have to kidnap him!? You had me and my sons run around Moby dick, little mobys  and the nearby town in panic ,until Sal called me about his whereabouts.”

“ Of course, you dumb oaf!” imu slam their fist down the table. “ you coddle him too much! What are you trying to achieve by keeping him away from your operations and battles alongside his brothers, HUH? You are going to turn him into a nepotism baby pansy by this rate! His arms are as weak as limp vegetables! He isn’t a toddler, ya know?!”

“ Well thanks to a certain somebody, I have make sure he doesn’t get kill because otherwise the marines will do anything necessary to find and execute the only blood related child  of the yonko whitebeard, if they ever know he existed.”

“ hahah, well at least I did make sure no one knows of the connections between him and the rest of us, no?” Imu lit up a cigarette. “As far as the world government knows, whitebeard is infertile, who would ever dream that he ever will sires bastards? The only whitebeard’s blood related child doesn’t even exist, no known name, no bounty, no documents and no identification. Face it, I’ve done more than you can ever do, paranoid old man.”

 “Mother,” Yriaf ( pirate name: salamander crow) sighs into her palms, “ please .”

“Oh you are the one to talk!” Whitebeard shouts in fury. “Assassinating my old captain because you are afraid he will discover dirty secrets you’ve been hiding from the world and also suspecting him of plotting against you! If I’m a paranoid old man, then what makes you?!  A psychotic two-faced schizophrenic old hag who is older than a fossil and who likes to pretend to be so youthful because apparently her head is still back in the Jurassic period.”

 “HAAAAH?” Imu slams their heels onto the table. “ So now you grew a bigger spine now, huh?! But to reply to your comment, how is it suspecting if I’m right? I had a good reason to suspect that man! Aren’t you there as well? Besides , you didn’t even like him, so how could you be so defensive when you left him to die?”

 “Oh, no, not this again.” Yriaf groans into her hands as her head shakes in misery. 

 But for the poor middleman between the two, things aren’t over.

 “And going back to my previous statement before I was rudely  interrupted, not only you made him an limp vegetable, but your constant coddling made him lacking proper discipline, so I actually forcefully send him to an upper class private boarding school, then, send him to the kujas as a summer camp.”

 “So you admit that you kidnapped him…” a vein popping on whitebeard’s forehead as he was emitting some of his conqueror Haki, “…just so you can mold him into a spy in Mary geoise?! Why are you always trying to tear apart my family?!”

 “Ha! No, just making sure he is at least properly cultured , it will get him somewhere, unlike your foul  piracy barbarism, where the roads either leads to death, jail or failure.”

 “YOU—“

 “OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH,YOU TWO ,STOP!!!!!” Yriaf screams and slams her fist on the table.

The two fighting adults pauses in a halt.

 “ Edward,” Yriaf glares at her husband. “Crocodile is old enough to fend for himself, he isn’t a child anymore , so, train him to defend himself if you are still worried about him, sheltering him from the world won’t help him.”

 “And as for you , mother.” The usually calm woman growls with pure venom . “Stop antagonizing my husband, it’s been fifteen years since we dated, Get over it. I don’t know why you hated pirates so much when in fact you had married one, but it is a stupid hatred to cling to.”

 “To be fair,” imu shrugs, “He wasn’t a pirate then, Yriaf, and I did gave you a freedom to find love,rather than forcing you to an arrange marriage,but I have to say I was disappointed with your choice,out of a billion and billions of people you could’ve chosen to be your one, you just have to pick a pirate!” They threw their hands up in exasperation. “Look! Look at how much trouble that I and that fool of your father have gotten both of us into! If our hidden relationship was already unfathomable and outrageous to the elders and most of the close people we know, Then imagine the further scandal if the news got out to the public, “ the princess of Mary geoise has lived a secret double life as the rocks pirate salamander crow, slept with a Yonko and bore him a child !””

 “Father isn’t a fool!” Yriaf yells back. “But maybe he is a foolish for ever falling for you!”

An angry tick appears on imu’s forehead, “Oh~you did not say that , Young Lady!”

“ I did say IT and I will say it again! Your bitchy attitude is why nobody can ever truly like you!”

 “ Such insolence!” imu slams their drinking glass on the table and pulls out a plastic slipper from their handbag. “If you like defending your old man so much , then I’ll happily oblige and send you to heaven!”

Yriaf remains unfazed,but is no longer yelling “look ma, it could have been worse,ok? Edward isn’t the worst of the pirates out there, he is far from it.So, why can't we all get along?” 

Imu did not sit back down and still has the slipper, but doesn't look like they are about to smack Yriaf all the way across the ocean.

“It could’ve been worse…., is that the excuse you're giving me? should I be happy that you didn’t choose the worst? That you could’ve chosen a scum to spite me? you’re supposed to strive for the better.”

 “……will your father say the same if he knew you were dating xebec?”

 “….irrelevant, another question I have in mind is…while I do know xebec is rather properly educated, if Edward can’t reach half of that, then I would never let him be in charge of crocodile's education.”

 Yriaf eyes slowly drift towards her husband downing another barrel of rum “…..well he did know how to calculate his finances.”

 “… calculating his finances? When you put it this way…” horror slowly creeps onto imu’s paling face as they slowly realize the implication . “Oh Nika, don’t tell me he never went to school before .”

 *hick* 

Whitebeard is really drunk but still answers the question. “I grew up in a country that did not pay the heavenly tributes, there is poverty and violence everywhere, what makes you think I ever went to school ?”

 “Then how did you never got cheated out of your money?” Imu narrows their eyes in suspicion.

 “When I join the rocks pirates .” He barreled on, not knowing he just dug his grave more deeper. “Xebec taught us all the important basics, like reading and counting.” Then he continues to drink more.

 “And you didn’t inform me of this ?” Imu questions Yriaf.

 “To be fair , I thought you knew.” Yriaf quickly reply.

 “Did it look like I had the time to waste on keeping track of every second Edward was doing? My focus is on you, I have thought that xebec had done full judgment and background checks  for me.”

“Apparently he didn’t.” Whitebeard reply drunkenly.

 “Oh, the four blues, I'm gonna smack xebec if he were to be alive.” Imu finally said, scowling. “ and I assume your other children haven’t been taught?”

 “No? I don’t think I need to, I think….uh…. Marco can already know how to read…Izo knows…thatch. ” Whitebeard made a confused face, “I gave them books, that should do it, right?” 

 “Oh dear,” Yriaf leans back into her seat, “ there is a possibility of a large percentage of only primary education at best and illiteracy at worst.”

 “ and I am going to do something about that.” Imu crossed their legs. “ Starting next week, I’ll be tutoring all of them on Tuesday and Thursday , until they fulfill my satisfaction.”

 “What?” Yriaf asks in confusion. “ never see you are that  generous enough to waste gasoline every week just to?” She air quotes, “ ‘ piracy criminals brats.’”

“I won’t be using boats this time, yriaf .” Imu said as they were about to take a bite out of a cracker. 

“ But that means you are teleporting? Doesn’t that take a lot of mana? “ Yriaf asked in disbelief. "Why is that?”

Imu gives her a stern look. “Does it look like I have time to take the scenic route just to teach children? To think this have been going on is ridiculous. Even xebec will agree with me on this.”

“I see..” Yriaf paused. “ Does those classes include your idea of..” she air quotes, “aristocratic etiquette?”

 “No,” imu shook their head. “They’re pirates , why would they need to act like aristocrats?  If they requested it, I would not decline. But! They will still need to learn how to do taxes . That is a line I will not draw.”

 *crickets chirping *

Creak!

The lone undercover cipher pol agent who came in with more refreshments nearly pissed himself after all eyes went to him. From sheer stupidity or bravery, he spoke up and ask, “sir, I want to ask why would pirates… need to learn how to do taxes？”

“Hahaha.” Imu chuckles, “ you see boy, you don’t underestimate the irs, I only hired the best to get that cash outta people.”

 “EVEN PIRATES DO THEIR TAXES! “ Whitebeard boomed from his corner. “Marines, pirates, or even rulers, all certainties in life are death and taxes!”

Yriaf stares at imu. “ you’re evil.” She said finally.

Imu grins from their folding chair. “I know~♥️”

 “Even kaido?” The cipher pol agent speaks out.

 “Yes.” Imu deadpans. “Even kaido.”

——————————-

Which leads to this situation.

BANG!

Imu slams the end of the yardstick down.

“ “If you have 115 apples, and you gave away them to 5 people,” imu repeated Coolly and calmly, 

“How many apples does each person have?!?” They yelled as they rapped the yardstick.

“D—d-.” A poor pirate raised their hands. “Diabetes ?”

 “What are you talking about? “ imu gives him a ‘are you stupid ‘ look.

“ i-ah- i ah-a-a.” the poor soul is reduced into tears.

“I-ah-I-ah.” imu repeats mockingly. “Is that your answer? Use the blackboard slate you have in your freaking hands if you can't do it in your head!”

The pirates grab their blackboard states and chalk and scribing like mad.

(Faraway in amazon lily island)

*Crocodile is undercover, so is using female pronouns temporary. 

A young teenage crocodile, currently alias: allie,  felt cold chills down “her” spine. Crocodile only felt that when that old crazy woman is “sharply questioning” or tutoring “her”. 

…….Why did crocodile have a strange feeling to pray for “her” brothers’?

Poor white beard pirates.

Poor whitebeard hiding behind the door, it does gives him bad memories when xebec was the teacher.

Xebec doesn't just yell at them but actually smacks them around if they get the answers wrong.

Especially poor kaido, in that one time where xebec nearly turn him into a beef pancake when he got 2+2 wrong.

For the 17TH time.

—------------------------------------

many , many years ago….

On the deck of the rocks pirates’s flagship, xebec is pacing around, at his feet is a kneeling kaido with a wet soaked paper in his hands. 

“I can not repeat it again, boy.” xebec rubs his forehead in frustration. “What is  2+2 ?”

“4?” kaido answered , terrified out of his wits. The rest of the crew holds their breath, they are also hiding somewhere on the ship, trying to ignore kaido’s plight. Few look at him in pity, Some, however, see this as prime entertainment as they held their breath and ate their totally not box of popcorn, ready for the shit go down.

Xebec stops his movement , “very well,” xebec continues , “very well, if you have two devil fruits, then i gave you 2 two more, how many devil fruits will you have all together?”

Silence.

Then a quiet, “21?”

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The members of the rocks pirates on the flagship almost jump out of their skins from the sound.

“WRONG!!!!!!!” xebec roars , he glares down at the smoking new hole in the deck he made.

Kaido groans from the hull of the ship, as he struggles to sit up, he rubs a growing cartoonish egg on his head.

 “Uh…..” Kaido tried again, his speech slurred as he saw stars and tweety birds. “22?”

 Xebec becomes quiet, his face unreadable and he jumps down to Kaido's level.

In Kaido's  head, he took xebec’s silence as a sign that he is correct, and he immediately started celebrating. “ I did it , I did it! I—”

POOOOOOOOOWW!!!!!!

Kaido finds himself airborne as Xebec beats the crap out of him in the sky.

“WRONG ! WRONG! WRONG! AND WRONG!!!!! WHERE THE HELL IN THE FOUR BLUES DID YA GET 22 FROM?? YOU LITERALLY GOT THE ANSWER RIGHT BEFORE!! IT’S 4! I’M TELLING YOU IT’S FOUR!!!!”

He grabs Kaido by the leg and flings him back down, down to a deserted island. The force of kaido’s fall created a mushroom cloud of dust.

Eventually, kaido did learn what 2+2=4 is in all forms. But it’s only after xebec dangled him off a cliff and force him to count the two hungry sea kings at the bottom of the cliff, about to be joined by two more hungry sea kings arriving. Apparently, Kaido learns best when he’s about to die.

kaido ‘s problem stems from the time when xebec found out shiki gave ¼ of the rocks pirates’s treasury to the delivery pizza boy because he can’t count.

(many years ago…)

Pizza boy: hi, here is your pizza, it would be 2,000 berries. 😀

Shiki : Hmmmmm~ ( checking his pockets)  🤔

Pizza boy : sir are yo— AAAAAAAAAAAH ( large bags of money dump on his head by shiki) 

Shiki : That should do it. I think that’s 2,000 berries. 😃

—-------------------------------------------------------

Xebec analysis of his crew:

Linlin didn’t have much of a problem because if there is one redeeming thing about mother carmel , it is that she made sure her  “orphans” are not literary and academically  ignorant . So yes, Linlin did know what is 2+2, what is 5-2, basic arithmetic and reading. Anything like algebra and geometry needs work, but that’s okay. Linlin is showing progress. Linlin learns best if there is food involved.

Edward Newgate needs more help since an outlaw country does not give opportunity for kids to have an education anyway.  But he has pretty average grades, that alone is pretty impressive.

The root of the problem, shiki did eventually learn after xebec had to beat it into him.

His daughter is none of concern, he is pretty sure his ex wife drilled lessons into her already.

Amazon lilies members of the rocks pirates are not a problem, as warlike the people are, they did not neglect any academics.

 So the amazon liles, along with his well educated crew members went on a shopping trip while the rest of them are toiling on the deck trying to solve what x^2+16x-35 is equal to.

The rest did eventually pass their final exams and they cry out in joy after 2 years of torture, what happens to their notes is a debate of mystery. However, many years later, the marines eventually found a crate full of academic papers hidden in the ruins of the rocks pirates flagship somewhere in god valley. 

Kaido pay taxes

“ governor general!” Ginrummy runs  into kaido’s chambers. “We have an unknown fleet of armed world government battleships right in wano’s waters!”

 “WELL, BLOW IT UP THEN!!!” Kaido yells back , annoyed that he was interrupted from indulging in his sweet sweet liquor.

 “But sir! They destroyed our ships on their way here!”

“WHAT?! IMPOSSIBLE!” Kaido shouts in anger as he slams his sake cup back on a table. “What the hell is the meaning of this!?”

Another beast pirate runs in with a den den mushi snail, “governor general! You have a call!”

“Give it to Me!” kaido snatch the denden mushi and pick up the receiver . “Hello? What do you want?!”

 “Hello!” a clipper voice answers back. “I believe you have seen my fleet coming towards Wano, is that correct?”

  “That is your fleet?!” kaido yells at the den den mushi. “ You’ve got only five minutes to turn back, before I get over there AND KILL YOU ALL!!!”

“Ah, but sir, I am not there, so it will be very hard for me to turn back, won’t it?” the person on the other side replies and sigh,  “And I am also very saddened that you didn't recognize my voice after all these years.”

It took 25 full seconds for kaido to sober up and reboot his brain.

Wait a minute….

“C-captain’s ex wife?!” kaido stutter. “It’s been so long! What do you want from me?”

“Oh, so you did figure it out.” the voice continues. “However, I am not calling you over your past with rocks. I am calling you because of government business.”

“Are you calling me because I took over wano?” Kaido asks, confused, then starts speaking sarcastically. “I am sorry to say. How do you think a fleet of marine warships is going to take back wano against me and my army?”

“Listen kaido-boy.” the voice from the receiver calmly said ." I don’t give a shit about you taking over wano. But since you took over wano and seized the previous wano’s shogun’s assets through an half assed fake excuse that he left you them on his will and the real will was destroyed, you do know there is a world government law about inheritance regardless if it’s received by shady or legal means?”

   “Yeah so?”

“You do know that wano, regardless if it closed its borders, is still under world government, so therefore must obey the laws.”

“And…..?” kaido still not getting it.

“I am calling you as the head of the irs.”

“Why yes,” Kaido replied, “it seems I have heard of your little organization , what does the IRS want me for?”

“Are you fucking dumb kaido boy? It’s the world government tax season. You haven’t paid your inheritance tax, heck, because of you closing wano’s borders, nobody in wano can pay their taxes, the irs going at your doorstep because you are going to be first person in wano to be audited due to the fact you owed us 135 billion berries for two years and now they are going to f**king kill you.”

“WHAT?!” Kaido’s eyes nearly pop out of his eye sockets.

“These mother fu#kers can’t be bargained with, they can’t be reason with.” the voice proudly said as they wiped a tear of pride?! “If you don't pay up by midnight, they are not gonna stop until you’re dead or broke or in jail or both!!” 

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” Kaido screams at the den den mushi. 

“ and if the entirety of wano don’t get their taxes done , they are going to be buster called by the end of the month! maybe!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” kaido screams and runs straight to the treasury.

“ you!” kaido points to the nearest beast pirate. 

“Yes, governor general!” the beast pirate snaps to attention.

“Do you know accounting?”

“Yes, governor general!”  the beast pirate answers

“Go to every house in wano and help get their taxes done!” 

“A-all of them, sir?” the beast pirate stuttered.

“Yes, all of them! Now get out and go over there AND STOP WASTING MY TIME!”

“ Yes, governor general!” the beast pirate saluted and ran off.

King came in shortly after following kaido. “G-governor general, Y-you owe the irs 135 billion?”

“Yes.” kaido shouted as he calculated each berries. “And if I don't pay up, I will go to impel down for tax evasion!”

He tosses a large sack of money and king catches it effortlessly.

“I may be crazy enough to take wano under the world government's noses.” kaido said as he walked towards king and grabbed the front of his jacket, “but the IRS ? No-o-o thank you.”

And with that, he turns around in a huff and storms off, leaving behind a very confused king.

—-------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the pangea castle, imu gives themselves a pat on the back for “helping” a criminal going on the right path towards good citizenship.

Who says threats and a good ol’ well placed ready-to-aimed nuke can’t “convince” an no-good pirate to finally corporate like a good citizen they’re supposed to be?

Imu quite like kaido and that strangely hot eye candy of his 2nd in command named king, it would be a shame if one of imu’s source of  entertainment dies when the irs blows the entire country up for tax evasion, or maybe not, they’ll just milk the people of their money until they can pay it back like al biggie.

Imu wonders how kaido is going to fare when meeting the captain of the irs reinforcers, but ah well, it’s none of their concern, they’re sure no crazy things will happen, right?

Chapter Text

Imu looking at the news: what kind of monstrosity is this? We got a boom of different kind of pirates roaming the seas. We got music, cooking, desert, gothy emo stuff, toys, women, fishmen, beasts, a ragtag family, literal food, a rock band rejects , knock off poker cards, circus performers, zoo animals, pin animals, and etcetera Themed pirates. These are a joke than actual formidable criminals who rob, cheat, steal in the seas of the o’ days ! the tip of the iceberg is that the king of them all is not some terrifying middle aged dude but a snot nosed brat in a ratty straw hat! 

Shanks: yeah,.... About that.😅

Imu: *drops the newspaper* no fucking way.😮😧😠

Shanks: good news is that you have another pirate king in the family?😅

Imu in the distance: whaaaaaaaaaat?! Oh why lord? Oh why?🤯🤬

Imu: why do my family have to be criminals!!!🤬🤬🤬

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Egghead island

Imu in the middle of tea time : ah, what a great day—-😄

*crash*

(monkey d luffy and rob lucci fighting in the background)

imu:*looking at the ruined buildings and a hole in their glass wall *🙂

Imu: welp, that is 800 years of investments up in smoke.😀

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Imu: red boi, did you give it to him?

Shanks: yes,your grace, it is done, a bit earlier than planned, but a few modifications to the script does the trick.

Imu:*visibly pleased😁*  good, as long as he ate the fruit.

Shanks: Your grace, why did you want him to eat that fruit?

Imu: I am planning something big.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaido in heaven:

Kaido: What, where am i?

?: hello

Kaido: wha-who are you?

?: hello kaido.(reveal face)

Kaido: ol capt?! How the hell are you here in heaven?!

Xebec: don’t know, don’t care. Introductions aside, welcome to the i -got-screwed-over-by-imu club, where we complain how my ex-wife screwed our lives. Our club president, joyboy.

Kaido: Joyboy?!

Joyboy: hi!😄 I wanted to call it ‘the white cloud sunny freedom fighters’ but i was outvoted.

Xebec: our vice president, advisor.

Advisor: welcome😊, two things about me is don’t ask for my real name and i dislike this club name as well, imu was a precious cinnamon roll.

All except joyboy, but he is struggling: he is blind.😒

Xebec: one of our honorary members, gol d. Roger.

Kaido: the pirate king?!

Roger: Oh haa, they are still calling me that?😅

Xebec: Charlotte linlin, also known as big mom.

Kaido: linlin! You’re skinny again!👀

Linlin: mamamamama, we can change our appearances here. I do miss the days of my youth.😝

Xebec: ..and about 1,000+ more people.

Kaido: how did you die linlin? I refuse to think those rookies got you.

Linlin: Those rookies got me good, I have to admit, but really, it was an planned assaination.

Kaido: by who?

Linlin: Who else but that b*tch old hag 🤬 shadow puppet master imu, and you?

Kaido: i died because i fell into a volcano, probably also staged since that hag want to made sure i stay down.

Linlin: ... you also got beaten up by that strawhat brat.

Kaido: How would I know that he’ll come back to life?! I saw him die! I killed him with my bare hands! He must be possessed!😱

Xebec: uh huh, you got overconfident, brat. I told you a million times. Don’t leave until you know he’s or she ‘s 15 feet underground. But then again, of course my crazy great grandson can beat your ass.🤷

Joyboy: HaHaHaHa, that’s my great great grandson!🤣

Kaido: I may not be a superstitious person, but I swear he is possessed! No human can have their hair bleached right after death! We must perform an exorcism!😱😨😰👻👻

Joyboy: HAHAHAHA, don’t worry kid, it’s normal. My hair turns white when i get to the nika nika fruit…

Joyboy and kaido : gear 5.

Kaido: hold it, i seen that thing, whatever it is, is overpowered. How the hell did you get defeated if you wielded that power?

Joyboy: (embarrassed) 😅I got jumped.

Advisor:........

Joyboy: by my own child…. And their allies. It was a rather biased fight, 1,600 + devil fruit users against one.

Xebec: daaaaaang, old man, to create your own undoing.

Joyboy: to be honest, it was a great fight, tho i feel bad for my old friends I've  left behind.

Chapter Text

Sabo’s findings in Pangea castle.

(A cassette in geoise, Pangea castle)

Title : Conversation between father and daughter 

Young Woman’s voice(YW): I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

Older Man’s voice(OM) : *sighs* Well, it’s too late now . I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

YW: it isn’t my fault! I didn’t remember !

OM: Will it stop you?

YW: Perhaps I-I might convince them, this is unnecessary.

OM: Will you?

YW: … you don’t believe me.

OM: you’re right, I don’t really. You’re not the little child I knew before and I can’t treat you like one either. You have changed ███ , you really do.

YW: Well, this is the way I am now.

OM: what made you this way?

YW: the cruelty and harshest of the world.

OM: But don’t you see the beauty and kindness? Why haven’t you realized there is also that?

YW: They never lasted long enough for me to see it and benefit me in the long run.

OM: or maybe you decided not to see or ever wanted it.

YW: (angered) Are you blaming me?

OM: Do you think I am? You can’t help but see the worst in others. Always fearful of betrayal, you made yourself a puppet master because you fear someone who might be pulling your strings. You're not only raised by him, but also by the game. You let the game dictate your life, and you only see the world by the lenses the game gives you. You saw nothing but pawns and enemies.

YW: speaking philosophy and riddles to me, just like Her.

OM: you are also a lot like her, it almost scares me.

YW : I know. Sometimes I can't tell if it’s my will or her will infiltrating and seeping into my mind.

OM: she is bitter and vengeful, but she did have her moments.

YW: …Am I vengeful and bitter?

OM: It seems so, you’ve shown it.

YW: …..can’t argue against that.

OM:But at least you didn’t want to kill everything.

YW: true true, what is fun if everyone is dead? There will be no music, no art, and nobody to mock at.

OM: I wanted to question your line of thinking, But! (Smiles😄) that works for me! At least we are getting there!

YW: ew, don’t delude yourself that I can ever be good like you.

OM: well, I can’t say you’re good… but I won’t say you’re the scum of the world.

YW: you flattered me, yet that doesn’t change what I had done.

OM: See! You do feel guilt! And guilt is the sign of good conscience still within you!  I feel you aren’t an inherently bad person. You just didn’t see yourself able to do good.

YW: ... .i find your optimism very disturbing.

OM: And I see your pessimism very sad.

YW: I am not a pessimist!

OM: ███ , the first thing you said to me after all those years is “life is meaningless and unfair.”

YW: Yes, but-

OM: Then later on you started singing in the prison cell with that grin on your face.

YW: it makes a great distraction.

OM: Then after that, you told me death is the greatest mercy a person can have.

YW : …..I was being sarcastic.

OM: Are you?

YW : Okay, maybe I was thinking about it. Is nothingness void is pure suffering or the lack of it? Is it like sleeping but without dreams?

OM: I can’t answer that.

YW: yes, you can.

OM: no, I can not.

YW: you are ████.

OM: not really, officially, yes, but I’m still ████.

YW: just barely.

OM: But I’m still ████ aren’t I?

YW: But going back to her , why does she want that? She never showed me why, but can you answer that? 

OM: she is vengeful and angry. She doesn't take betrayal well and likes to return wrongdoings a thousandfold. So yes, she wants every living being to be wiped out.

YW: That is horrible, she is really sick in the head, to cause a mass extinction over a person’s action.

OM: I know, but after all that happened, I can't really be that upset with you. It is only in baby steps, but you fought so hard and did your best. You made sure that vile practice is not widespread.

YW: I did have your blood in your veins.

OM: this isn’t the matter of blood and it had nothing to do with me, it had to do with your heart, you wanted it, and you never met me or know of your lineage for it.

YW: I have to admit that practice did bug me a lot. It gives me chills down my spine.

OM: perhaps it’s your conscience telling you that.

YW: maybe so, but what now? 

OM: What do you mean? 

YW: everything! You’re ████. The world has gone to shit, I let that vile bitch takeover my head for a moment! Most of the world sank due to my tantrum. People died, I committed a mass extinction, genocide and kinslaying. I have committed the gravest sins ever possible. THAT WHORE HAS WON !!!!

OM : aye,aye, aye, don’t call your ██████ that.

YW: (disbelief) after all that has happened, you still forgave?

OM: yes and no, it may be true when she puts it in such a way, the justification seems right, but she still went way too far. But i do still have to say she haven’t won yet,yes, much of the world has sank, however, we still have survivors still living on those mountaintops and volcanic peaks which are now islands. What i wanted you to do is….. [transaction line cut]

Imu kills saturn

Yraif : Oh my god! You killed him!

Imu: Yes, I did.

Crocodile: And you copied my technique! 

Imu: so?

Yriaf : crocodile! Why are you focusing on that?

Crocodile: what? It’s true! That is a rip off of my dehydration ability!

Imu: pfft. Why would you care if I did? It isn’t the exact same as yours. I was simply taking the devil fruit back, it simply made him go back to his original age, not draining the moisture out of his body.

Crocodile: What did he do?

Imu: I found disturbing magazines in his room, …. And I want to bleach that horrific image out of my mind.

Game of thrones prequel 

Long long ago, in the void century

The world isn’t 90% water and the biggest land mass isn’t the red line, there was once a kingdom in a western continental region.

That kingdom has a magnificent castle made out of marble and gold, appropriately named the solar chateau. However, not all was shiny within the halls as a tense audience was held.

The queen regnant orders the anxious messenger to read a document out loud before the court. That document was from a high court official who had joined a rebellion against her, it describes and denounced the queen, it details how she rises from a simple adopted child of a distant member of the royal family to the sole undisputed ruler of the throne.

“She used her fox-like charms to delude the late king.” The messenger reads.

 “She was finally able to put on a crown prince’s clothes and put our late king and queen into a position of….” The messenger paused, then looked at the paper strangely. “……incest.” 

The queen nodded at him to continue, and he did, shakingly. 

 “She has a heart like a snake and a lizard, and a disposition similar to a wolf’s. She is close to insidious and scheming wicked, and murders the good and faithful individuals. She…”

The messenger paused.

“…Killed her father, slaughtered her relatives, murdered her superiors, and poisoned her grandmother. Both gods and men hate her , and heaven and earth cannot allow her to exist.”

The entire hall plunged into silence, the queen accepted the letter, quickly scanned it. And then,she laughs.

Turning to her advisors, she shoots them a look. “ This is your fault, we could’ve hired him instead.”

The court officials nervously laughed as the messenger let out a breath of relief. 

Looks like messenger boy gets to live another day!