Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, April 15th 1588

Image description: A very old man with a scarred face is standing in front of a row of beehives. He has a hand raised and is looking at it with a smile. He is wearing a knitted sweater, patterned in grays and black, dark pants, and wellie boots that are bright yellow but mostly covered in mud. A silver witcher medallion hangs around his neck, but he carries no visible weapons.

Text: My name is Vesemir. I will be taking over the Kaer Morhen account for the foreseeable future, while Hemminks is busy with other projects. Barmin is currently informing the bees of this change. None of them have attempted to sting me thus far, which I am taking as tacit approval.

201 Likes, 87 Comments

Top comments:

Kaer Morhen: No, the person in the picture is Barmin, not me.
Proud_Half-Elf77: Save the bees! 🐝
xX.witcherfan.Xx: will you post pics of monsters you butchered?
KnottyKnitter: Tell Barmin to tell the bees that his sweater is super cute
Zuzanna Zucchini: oh THANK YOU the last guy who had the account was the most boring photographer ever. like the view from the castle wall or whatever was nice once or twice but i don’t think he EVER posted anything else. i would have unfollowed soon and i really don’t want to, because a wolf witcher saved my brother’s life once and it seems ungrateful
Dyn Marv: Good to see old Barmin still ticking
Funny Nerd Memes: the bees have spoken!! 🐝

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, April 19th 1588

Image description: Dynamic mid-fight photo of two witchers clashing swords. The one facing the camera has long, white hair, pale skin and golden eyes. He looks serious but not angry. He wears traditional black witcher armor and a silver medallion. The one who is facing away has shorter, dark brown hair. They wear an armored shirt in red and brown and dark brown pants. We cannot see their face, or their medallion.

Text: It’s important to keep your skills sharp. All witchers who go out on the Path make sure to train regularly. As one of the fencing instructors at Kaer Morhen, I suppervice many sparring sessions between adult wolves to make sure they are neither slacking off nor bringing pettiness or prank wars into training. It is a joy to see how far they have come from the small children I first met, but sometimes they act like very little has changed when it comes to questions like “who started it”

256 Likes, 104 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: 1. haven’t you ever had fun old man? 2. it’s eskel and geralt. not like they ever get up to anything actually bad 3. you cheating cheater, using an old picture!
Lambert_Wolf: of course i fucking know it’s an old picture, i can look out the damn practice yard and see that eskel isn’t there. and also NOT IN KAER MORHEN. and don’t even start with the fucking nagging, it isn’t a security thing if i don’t say where esk actually is
Mother of 5: Are you a parent or a teacher? Because that sounds a lot like what a parent does to me. Minus the swords, much to my children’s eternal disappointment
HotnessAlerter: WOW the one with the white hair could fight me ANYTIME 😍
Zuzanna Zucchini: sounds like normal sibling behavior to me!
Jaskier the Bard: This is such a great photo, right in the middle of the action! I can just HEAR the swords hitting each other! Of course, I’ve heard it for real, but this really captures it beautifully. The strength, the determination! If they had only agreed I would have written a thousand songs just to have them sparring in the music videos… At least the world will get to enjoy Geralt’s pretty face on TV soon #secretprojectsoontoberevealed
Craftarian: do i want to know how badly prank wars get out of hand when the warriors are actual, pretty much unkillable warriors??
Alicja Troyden: But who DID start it?

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, April 21st 1588

Image description: A slightly tilted view of a dark brown tabletop, mostly covered in craft supplies. Paper in various colors, sometimes cut into flower shapes. Tools like scissors, crayons, and glue sticks. The scissors are fit for small hands, but not safety-scissors or especially colorful.

Text: Belleteyn is over a week away, but try telling that to the younger trainees. They are already making garlands out of paper flowers. Some of the new arrivals who are old enough to understand holidays asked about bonfires. Explaining that we only light pyres in Kaer Morhen for funeral rites is always an uncomfortable conversation.

111 Likes, 320 Comments

Top comments:

Dyn Marv: We take those of our kits who want to go to a local bonfire. It’s not a witcher tradition, but it’s part of where they came from, and the world they’ll still be living in and defending. You would be welcome to send some of your puppies with us if you like. We already have more chaperones than we really need to keep the kids safe, so if you don’t have any adults who would enjoy it rather than be reminded of the pyres, you wouldn’t need to provide extra guards.
Kaer Morhen: @Dyn Marv We will discuss it.
xX.witcherfan.Xx: just stick a monster in the fire and grill it up, you’d follow tradition better than the humans
Tobias the Hoffman: Hard to imagine beastie baiters were ever kids
Zuzanna Zucchini: melitele's stinking armpit, how insensitive can some people be?? it makes me ashamed to be human
Lambert_Wolf: way to get maudlin old man
Drowner Inside: Thank you for not showing the children online. So many people plaster their kids faces all over the internet like that isn’t a massive violation of their privacy! Children are people too!
Craftarian: i notice the lack of glitter. seems even witchers knows what kind of monster they don’t want to tangle with

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, April 25th 1588

Image description: A man sitting by a desk, slightly bent over a pile of papers, which he frowns at. The man has dark hair streaked with gray, and a large mustache. He wears a black, lace-up shirt and a silver medallion. He’s holding an old-fashioned quill pen in his left hand.

Text: Grandmaster Rennes is a wise witcher, and a capable school head. He has embraced modern technology in many ways, for his school if not for himself. A witcher that cannot change with the times is not a witcher that grows old. But of all the comfortable, older things he still prefers, I struggle to understand the quills the most. Why choose a pen that you have to continually re-dip with ink that needs time to dry? Especially when he, like myself, is left-handed.

85 Likes, 42 Comments

Top comments:

Kaer Morhen: I am aware that there are techniques to using a quill. When I learned to write in the 1270s they were one of the main pens we had. I have since moved on to other options.
Time to Bloom: Lefties unite!
Zuzanna Zucchini: for the Aesthetic™
Manfreddie of Mahakam: Dude, I’ve seen the butt ugly thing that calls itself your school’s website, that’s not embracing modern times
Jaskier the Bard: I wish i could write with a quill! It looks so beautiful, like that’s what writing is SUPPOSED to be like! I’ve only tried it once and spilled ink absolutely everywhere, but perhaps it’s time to give it another go 🤔🪶
xX.witcherfan.Xx: boooring, nobody cares about old pens, tell us about slaughtering monsters!

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, April 30th 1588

Image description: A meadow at dusk. People are spread out on picnic blankets and in the grass, sitting or lying down. Many are wearing flower crowns or holding tankards. There are no fires or electrical lights, but fist-sized balls of golden lights hang over some of the blankets. The silver of witcher medallions can be seen gleaming around many necks, but not all. In the foreground a brown–haired human that looks half-asleep leans on the shoulder of a white-haired witcher, who is smiling down at him. There are swords and other weapons on the blankets. All visible faces look relaxed and happy.

Text: The Wolf School wishes you a joyous Belleteyn, and a summer that is sweet and long. May your days bring you plenty, and no danger disturb your nights.

337 Likes, 116 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: you going soft in your old age?
Kaer Morhen: And a special greeting to those among our ranks who could not join the celebration this year. Be it because they were occupied with hunts or other vital duties, or because they decided to spend the evening with partners instead, as young Lambert did.
Dyn Marv: Ah, to be young again!
Lambert_Wolf: fuck you both! i’m almost a 100
Clovis of the Wolves: #littlebabylambert
Zuzanna Zucchini: looks like a fun party! i’m stuck with drunk relatives. my weird uncle is going on about elves again. i’d much rather have a picnic with actual cool people
Mother of 5: Happy Belleteyn to you as well! And to everyone in the comments, especially those of you who have no one to celebrate with ❤️
xX.witcherfan.Xx.: you getting laid #littlebabylambert?
Jaskier the Bard: Thank you again for inviting me to the celebration, I had such a wonderful time last night!

Chapter Text

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 2nd 1588

Image description: A golden-yellowy egg cup, shaped like a trophy. It holds an egg with a simplified face drawn on it. The face is smiling, with the mouth slightly up-turned on one side. The trophy-egg cup/egg combination is standing on what appears to be a stone floor. The camera is leveled with the egg. There are tufts of grass coming up between the stone tiles. In the slightly blurry background the cracked shells and guts of multiple eggs can be seen.

Text: Today, Kaer Morhen hosted an impromptu Egg Ball Championship. For those of you (blissfully) unaware of this game, it started out as a training exercise to let newly turned young witchers practice modulating their new strength by throwing and catching raw chicken eggs. As with many things involving young people, it has gained a lot more rules over the years. Egg Ball is now less of a single training exercise, and more a genre of over-complicated egg-based games. Today's championship featured eight separate events, only five of which yielded any clear winner.

358 Likes, 211 Comments

Top comments:

Mother of 5: Only one of my children is old enough to have social media, but that was enough. She read this, decided to come up with her own game of egg ball, and roped her siblings and the neighbor's kids into the chaos. Together, they amassed - and broke - a total of 36 eggs.
Kaer Morhen: @Mother of 5 I’m sorry for your loss.
Mother of 5: It wasn’t a fun surprise to come home to. But for those of you that worried, yes, they played outside, and no, I didn’t raise my hand to any of them. I told them that I won’t be buying any new eggs to make pancakes, cookies etc. for a month.
Butterfly502: but who won?? who are the CHAMPIONS??? we must know!!! 🥚🥚🥚🏆🏆🏆🥚🥚🥚
Zuzanna Zucchini: imagine egg ball as a big time sport. people going to sports bars to watch it while eating like… omelets or something. team jerseys with eggs on them! egg puns in all the names! eggciting times!
1571xx: that’s so wasteful, think about how many those eggs could have fed
Dyn Marv: Fair warning, some of the Cats are now trying to organize an inter-school egg ball tournament. They are absolutely certain of their own victory, despite the fact that none of them even know the rules yet. But to be fair, if Wolves can do it, how hard can it be?
Kaer Morhen: @Dyn Marv Bring it on.

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 4th 1588

Image description: Three witchers standing framed by a curved door-way. They each wear silver witcher medallions with cat heads. The witcher to the left has curly dark hair, pale yellow eyes and a scar across his smiling mouth. He has the nose and whiskers of a cat drawn on his face, and wears a rainbow tie-dye shirt. The one on the left has blond hair in a braid, and also has cat whiskers drawn on her cheeks. She wears a dark, long sleeved shirt and a looser bluish-green vest. She is smirking. Both are carrying large woven baskets filled to the brim with white and brown chicken eggs. The witcher in the middle appears older than the other two. He has dark gray hair, and crinkles around his pale red eyes. He has several facial scars, but no cat-like face paint. He wears a black t-shirt with thin red lines on the sleeve cuffs.

Text: A challenge was issued from the School of the Cat. And rather than letting the children’s game remain among the children, they insisted that the more interesting test was against more experienced witchers. Guxart, who is the current Grandmaster of the Cats, has had the audacity to refer to himself as my “close friend and compatriot” for many years, and thus took it upon himself to challenge me personally. I intend to represent myself and my School with honor and grace.

510 Likes, 300 Comments

Top comments:

Dyn Marv: Hey, wolf fans! For those of you wondering, the handsome witchers in the picture are - aside from the Most Mightful and Importanty Guxart - Schrödinger and Dragonfly! 😼
Lambert_Wolf: honor and grace he says, like he isn’t secretly the pettiest bastard in kaer morhen
Lambert_Wolf: that said, my money’s on old V any day, any time
Aiden of the Kitty Cats: @Lambert_Wolf i’ll take that bet wolf. vesemir’s good, don’t get me wrong, but ain’t no way he’s beating guxart!
Zuzanna Zucchini: I’M SO EGGCITED!!! #eggchampions1588
xX.witcherfan.Xx: why all this stupid childish crap? you’re monster killers! murder machines! have some self respect
Craftarian: I made some pin designs to commemorate this! Egg-shaped, with wolf and cat ears+tail combos. They’re very cute, in my not-so-humble opinion. Check them out here! (And if you want to see my actual pins that can be bought - because no, the eggs are just some quick art, you can’t get that on an enamel pin - you can take a look at my store here. No pressure though!)
Proud_Half-Elf77: Good to see the childhood spirit remain at however many hundred years old you guys are

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 4th 1588

Video description: A short looping video of two witchers attempting to stack eggs into the tallest tower. The one on the left is the older witcher from the previous picture. The one on the right has mostly gray hair and beard, with some streaks of black, particularly in the beard. He has scars across his face and hands. He wears a dark brown coat and a silver wolf medallion. Both egg towers are impressively high when the video starts, and keep being built, until the witcher on the right sneezes and both towers start to fall over. The video re-starts before the fall is complete.

Text: No comment.

356 Likes, 118 Comments

Top comments:

Zuzanna Zucchini: can’t believe this is how we get a face reveal, what a king
Lambert_Wolf: HONOR and GRACE my ass. next time you start your lecture about witcher stealthiness i’m bringing this back to haunt you old man
Alicja Troyden: So… who won? It might have been Vesemir’s fault, but if both towers fell… isn’t that a tie? Or was this just one part of the larger competition?
Jaskier the Bard: I’m so upset I missed this! I was literally at Kaer Morhen yesterday, couldn’t you’ve had your epic showdown then? Think of all the songs I could have written!
E.varAttre: Can officially confirm at least one anonymous government official fell off their chair laughing
Hoppity Bop: what an adorable sneeze!!
xX.witcherfan.Xx: can’t believe you’re supposed to be WITCHERS… how did you not get thorn to tiny pieces and eaten by monsters 1000 years ago?

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 12th 1588

Image description: A stone wall, covered in hanging swords and daggers. The blades gleam, none of them are sheathed. All hilts are black or brown, with no decoration.

Text: As one of Kaer Morhen’s fencing instructors, one of my duties is to go through the many unclaimed blades in the keep and make sure they are all properly cared for. This is just a small part of a lesser-used armory. Swords may have gone out of everyday usage for most people, but they remain an important part of every witcher’s arsenal.

143 Likes, 71 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: did you really just go “guxart embarrassed me online, i better show off some fucking swords to seem cool again”??
Dyn Marv: @Lambert_Wolf If so, he’s playing a losing game
Zuzanna Zucchini: oooh, pretties! i wanna sword too
The Meme Connoisseur: Swords should never have gone out of fashion in the first place!
Time to Bloom: Wait, so how many swords and knives and things does Kaer Morhen HAVE? and how many does the average witcher just… carry around? Are the scenes from movies where a character has to leave their weapons with a guard or something and there’s just like, a mountain of knives, actually just based on witchers?
xX.witcherfan.Xx: now show them in action!!

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 15th 1588

Image description: A small crowd of people standing outside of a greenhouse. Most wear vests that read ”CREW” across the back, and carry cameras, microphones and similar equipment. Two people wear black witcher armor, gloves and safety glasses. One wears a bright yellow hazmat suit with additional safety padding strapped on top.

Text: Getting accurate safety information about monsters out to the children of the continent is important, and a particular passion project for our wolf Geralt and his friend Jaskier. The first episode of the children’s educational TV show is available tonight. Watch it at your own risk, the songs have a high risk of getting stuck in your head.

623 Likes, 228 Comments

Top comments:

Jaskier the Bard: Aw, Vesemir! We love you too 💖
Mother of 5: Thank you so much! Words cannot express how grateful I am for having something like this. I don’t know much about monsters myself, and I feel so helpless, not knowing when it’s safe to take my eyes off the kids for a second and when that might get them devoured by something unspeakable. Having something like this to educate not just them but also myself means so much to me, and to countless other families as well I’m sure! ❤️
Jaskier the Bard: @Mother of 5 You’ll make me cry! Honestly, that’s exactly what we’re trying to do here. So thank YOU for your encouraging words, and for wanting your children to learn! ❤️
Memetastically123: banana suit
Tobias the Hoffman: The kids wouldn’t need to deal with the beasties at all if you people would just do your jobs better
Zuzanna Zucchini: oooh fun!! i’ll check it out. maybe not every time, since it’s for little kids and all, but i can help boost the numbers for the first ep.
elven films are the best films: nice behind-the-scenes look. so many people act like TV and movies just magically APPEAR and don’t think about the actual people behind the cameras at all
The Follow4Follow Fellow: hey where the fuck did you guys get making a TV show kind of money? don’t you spend it all on weapons and shit to, you know, *fight monsters*?? that seems a *little* more important than entertaining some spoiled brats with songs or whatever

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 18th 1588

Image description: A large wooden table filled with baskets of bread and eggs; plates of sliced meats, mushrooms and naleśniki; pots of butter, jam, honey and nuts; and large serving bowls of somalia porridge and meat stew. There’s very little space between all the food.

Text: Our trainees may complain about having to rise early, but these are good times, and they never have to lament a lack of breakfast. Nor any other meal, while behind our walls.

199 Likes, 81 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: way to become one of those taking pictures of food people old man. soon you’ll start to tag #blessed unironically
Kaer Morhen: And how are you on this #blessed day, young Lambert?
Lambert_Wolf: fuck off!!
Drowner Inside: Wait, did you not used to have food? Like “children sent to bed without supper for misbehaving” or “starving in the winter” not having food? Either way it's horrible, but very different kinds of horrible
Mother of 5: That looks delicious!
xX.witcherfan.Xx: is that monster meat? if you don’t eat monster meat you should. why waste it? and you guys can have all kinds of poison shit anyway, so that wouldn’t be a problem. eat monsters and tell us what they taste like!
Alicja Trojden: So how early DO you make them get up? With the sun? Before??
Zuzanna Zucchini: ooh now i’m hungry. wish i had a breakfast like that right now
Justice for Elves: No, seriously, do you guys starve when you leave your castles and things? Should we be worried?
Leaf Lover: are there any vegan witchers?

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 22nd 1588

Image description: A dark-brown horse with a black mane and a tail. It has white socks on its front legs, one going slightly higher than the other. It is standing on grass, and looking up towards the camera.

Text: Historically, a lot of witchers made their way around the Path on horseback. That isn’t common anymore, but many witchers still form bonds with horses or other mounts. In tonight's episode of “The ABCs of Monsters and Magic” Geralt shows off his own unusual animal. Personally, I prefer more traditional horses, such as Snail over here. (Who despite his name is surprisingly fast for his age.)

618 Likes, 429 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: wait are YOU the reason pretty boy and esk are so fucking bad at naming horses?
Clovis of the Wolves: @Lambert_Wolf says the guy who “named” the one horse he ever had “the horse”
Alina Hoffman: I never realized witchers were such horse girls! Edit: Aside from Lambert, apparently
Blue Mountains Gal: My son told me I needed to watch the episode. It surprised me, as I am 83 years old. But he was right. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I was twelve years old when I lost two of my sisters to a monster. I have never been able to forgive myself for leaving them behind to save my own life. It is probably too late for me to let go of the guilt now, but the words of your witcher and his friend helped.
Zuzanna Zucchini: episode made me CRY FOREVER and felt like a hug at the same time what have you DONE?? this was just supposed to be a silly kids show!!
Murky_Waters69: honestly? roach is SUPER CREEPY, the kids are gonna get nightmares. why do you even let Gerald keep a MONSTER as a PET??!!!
Dyn Marv: Such a beautiful horse!
xX.witcherfan.Xx: why would you prefer a normal boring horse over one that eats people? that’s so much cooler

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 25th 1588

Image description: A man with dark skin and light hair, wearing black and tan mage robes with a silver wolf head stitched over the heart, is looking down at a hedgehog by his feet with a somewhat disappointed expression.

Text: A hedgehog wandered into my early-afternoon fencing class with the ten-year-olds. I had remind the children that when a wild animal act in unusual ways (hedgehogs are typically nocturnal, and while they are curious animals, they dislike the smell of witchers) it may be a sign of illness, and approaching the animal to pet them (or take “selfies”) can result in them lashing out, potentially causing serious injury or spreading the disease. The children then demanded I call one of the mages to examine the hedgehog, who they had now both named and become deeply worried about. Mage Reidrich did not appreciate being called away from his work to act as a veterinarian, but did clear the hedgehog of any illness. He also supported my assertion that it would not be kept as a pet.

370 Likes, 161 Comments

Top comments:

M.A.75: boo, let the kiddos have their hedgehog!!
Jaskier the Bard: What an adorable baby! I’m glad it wasn’t sick, but just had the good sense to appreciate witchers!
xX.witcherfan.Xx: just have them use the thing for target practice
Zuzanna Zucchini: so what did they name the little guy? hedgy? henry? mr prickly? spike? please, the people need to know!
Hedgehogs 4 Lyfe: Oh, hey, thanks for the hedgehog shoutout! Did not know they were anti-witcher aromas, but it makes sense. They have a very good sense of smell, much better than humans! A witcher probably registers as a predator to them
Artaud of Ban Ard: Really, Reidrich? You’re still slumming it with the mutants? It’s not like there’s something new to be done with them in this day and age
Mother of 5: I had no idea a wild animal being too-friendly could be a sign of illness! I knew it might be a monster in disguise, so I wouldn’t have let my children pet a deer or something that came right up to them, but that’s a new reason I hadn’t considered.
MonsterWife: this was today? but it’s saturday! you can’t make kids have class on weekends!! they need to run around and play and relax and stuff to make their brains brain properly

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, May 29th 1588

Image description: A paper calendar showing the month of May, with Wednesdays from the 15th and forward circled in red.

Text: It is once again Wednesday, and that means it’s time for a new episode of “The ABCs of Monsters and Magic”. Parent’s ought to appreciate that, in addition to monster facts, the show can help children remember everyday information such as the days of the week. It is certainly something I have seen younger trainees struggle with.

196 Likes, 80 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: while older witchers only get little details like, oh, the fucking year a bit wrong. like a decade or two. no big, right?
Leaf-Eater: what is this “wednesday” thing you speak of? canst thou eat it?
xX.witcherfan.Xx: shut up about the stupid show!! talk about MONSTERS!
Jaskier the Bard: Ooh, I remember learning the days of the week in part because of my favorite TV shows when I was a wee lad. How things come full circle!
Lambert_Wolf: seems like you struggle with the days yourself old man, if you need a fucking calander to remember this shit. then again, it’s all fake aesthetic crap right? since i notice you don’t have a single other thing in the oh so important not at all bullshit calendar thingy
HotnessAlerter: I saw some screenshots from the episode and can I just say: Wow-ie what a cute mage! Is Mr Istredd Have-My-Babies going to become a regular? Because if so, I might need to start watching the show

Chapter Text

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 3rd 1588

Image description: A small, white bowl filled with strawberries. A glass of milk. A closed, leather bound notebook with a pen placed on top of it. Everything is on a tabletop made of dark wood.

Text: As a witcher it is my honor and privilege to keep a journal. That way, any knowledge I gain might be passed down to future generations of witchers, and aid them on their journey. But beyond the practical, the notes on monsters and how best to defeat them, each entry into a witcher’s journal is a snapshot of that moment in time. A way to preserve our history. A way to say “I was here, I was a witcher, if I die tomorrow I was still here today.”

102 Likes, 86 Comments

Top comments:

Lambert_Wolf: so are you taking fake aesthetic photos again, or are you risking strawberry stains in your oh so precious journal? is that the super important sign to preserve if you die (and way to be maudlin)? oh this red stuff? it’s not blood, it’s fucking strawberry juice
Zuzannah Zucchini: i’m on the bus, i can’t start crying on the bus! people will know i’m a weirdo, that’s supposed to be a secret between me and the interwebs
Jaskier the Bard: I suppose that is something artists and witchers have in common. We strive for that special kind of immortality that comes from the things we leave behind. Which may be a sad thought, but also beautiful ❤️
MonsterWife: welp, I’ll never look at a “I was here” on the wall of a public bathroom the same again
xX.witcherfan.Xx: it’s not like you’re ever gonna die if you just sit there and drink milk or whatever. if you wanna get a cool death you should be out there fighting monsters!
Memetastically123: straw the berries
Mother of 5: That’s a beautiful way to think about it! I have some letters and a diary left from my grandmother, and it has certainly helped me feel connected to her. I’m glad to have those pieces of her, of that real human being that she was, beyond my own childhood memories.
Dyn Marv: We are witchers, and we are people, and our siblings will remember us.

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 5th 1588

Image description: An old TV in a ditch by the side of the road. It’s thick and boxy, with a cracked screen.

Text: I passed this sight years ago, and found it somewhat striking. A sort of symbol of modern technology, left broken and unwanted. I remember when television was first invented. And when Kaer Morhen got our first TV and VHS, much later. And tonight I will watch Geralt, who I helped raise and train, appear on a much flatter TV. How strange, yet wonderful, the forward march of time.

87 Likes, 63 Comments

Top comments:

Mother of 5: Having seen technology move forward in leaps and bounds during my own lifetime, I’d never quite considered how much change a witcher might see during their life. Or an elf or mage, for that matter. Anyone who can live for so long.
photography nerdraphy: Cool picture! I bet it would look even better in black and white. More dramatic.
Tobias the Hoffman: Or you could do something about all the beasties in the world, rather than gloating about having one of your soldier boys play at being famous
Jaskier the Bard: Now I’m feeling all nostalgic over my childhood VHS!
Lambert_Wolf: yeah, yeah, we get it. you’re old
Dyn Marv: Looking forward to the episode!
Zuzanna Zucchini: is it weird i feel kind of bad for the tv? like obviously i know that it’s a machine, it doesn’t feel pain etc. but it still looks so sad somehow 🥲
Lambert_Wolf: also, no, i don’t remember when TVs were invented, since i’m not old. it was before i was even born! by like a year, yes, but still

***

Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 10th 1588

Image description: A smiling witcher with pale yellow eyes and a buzz-cut, wearing a light gray t-shirt and a silver wolf medallion, holding up two cupcakes. The cupcakes have lime green frosting and black wrappers.

Text: Witchers don’t tend towards large birthday celebrations. Indeed, most of us don’t celebrate at all, except for especially even numbers, such as when a witcher turns 100. The cupcakes that the kitchens made today weren't because of Gascaden’s birthday, but he successfully argued that he should receive one as a birthday present, without having to take part in the impromptu hand-to-hand tournament, in which the rest of the cupcakes were divided. He then took part in the tournament anyway, hoping to win a second treat. He failed to do so, but was given the prize his brother Geralt earned, and so ended up with the double bounty anyway.

324 likes, 114 comments

Top comments:

Mother of 5: Happy Birthday Gascaden!! 🎉
Zuzanna Zucchini: i wouldn’t give away my ONLY cupcake to my brother that ALREADY HAD ONE just because it was his birthday. or for any reason probably. but i guess that means geralt is a better person than me. or that gascaden has some super puppy dog eyes or something… but yeah, happy birthday!
Beep_Bop_Beeeeep: I don’t know what’s funnier, that the chefs or whoever cooks in your castle was like “cupcake surprise!☺️” or that super strong and deathly monster hunters had a PHYSICAL FIGHT over them!
Keysmash Queen: fuficohvpucurRdyzey
Comic Book Girlie: aaw, that’s so sweet!
xX.witcherfan.Xx: was the fight to the death? you should keep your skills sharp you know
HotnessAlerter: What a CUTIE! 😍 And that smile!! 😘
Human Specimen: now i want cupcakes! but maybe with less intense frosting, that looks kinda poison green to me. fun for halloween, but not my thing otherwise

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Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 12th 1588

Image description: A witcher is standing in an alchemy lab, carefully pouring purple liquid from a vial into a cauldron. He is wearing black witcher armor, dark gloves, safety glasses, and a silver wolf medallion. He has short, red hair and stubble, facial scars and a look of deep concentration.

Text: Alchemy is one of the oldest and most important of the crafts witchers dedicate ourselves to. We all need to be able to prepare our own potions and oils, but there are also specialized alchemists who take on additional responsibility in that area. Lambert is one of Kaer Morhen’s alchemists, and very skilled. If you wish to hear him talk more about the craft, you may want to tune in to tonight’s episode of “The ABCs of Monsters and Magic”

107 Likes, 85 Comments

Top comments:

Aiden of the Kitty Cats: yes, he’s handsome. no, you can’t have him. you’re all 20 years too late
Aiden of the Kitty Cats: yes, i have excellent taste, thank you for noticing
HotnessAlerter: Imagine having that FOCUS turned on you!! 🥵
Lambert_Wolf: again with the old picture, this was definitely not today
Zuzanna Zucchini: i wish i was some kind of alchemy genius... basic alchemy is the only failing grade i’ve ever gotten (fingers crossed it stays that way!)
xX.witcherfan.Xx: do you make poison to put on arrows? hacking at the monsters with swords is cooler, but if you’re gonna be a coward and shoot things from a distance you should at least put poison on the arrows
Junior Alchemists of Temeria: Hey, parents! Not just witchers can love alchemy, and if you have a kiddo at home (ages 9-13) we still have some spots left at our summer camp!
Vencel Pugg: I don’t envy you trying to explain even the simplest of alchemical processes! Once, I was on track to become a High School alchemy teacher, but I realized it was not for me. Of course, going into the service industry to sell potions and incense probably wasn’t much more relaxing

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Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 20th 1588

Image description: A thin, delicate-looking glass vase containing a single sprig of lavender. The vase is placed on a dark, wooden tabletop. Sunlight falls in through a window, bathing the vase - in the very middle of the picture - in light, with shadows towards the edges.

Text: It is time, once more, for the summer solstice. The longest day and the shortest night. I know many of you out there are celebrating, and I hope you enjoy your various traditions. But I remind you all - especially if your traditions involve intoxication, swimming, going into the forest, or some combination of the three - that the idea that “the midsummer sun” will turn all the monsters to stone is a myth.

The sun may shine longer than on any other day, but it does not have any special, magical properties. Any monster that would not ordinarily be bothered by sunlight, will not be bothered by it today. Do not let down your guard because of stories that were untrue hundreds of years ago, and remain untrue today.

I was asked if Kaer Morhen celebrates the solstice. We do. We have our own traditions, and many of us, who do not know when we were born, claim it in place of a birthday. But it is also an ordinary day for us. We are still witchers, and we still go out on the Path. Because the monsters are still out there, and because of that, so are we.

#midsummermyth #thesolsticewillnotkillyourmonsters

200 Likes, 119 Comments

Top comments:

Mother of 5: Thank you! I did know that the stories about the sun weren’t true, and I think most people do nowadays. But most aren’t all, and another reminder can’t hurt. I certainly used to believe it, when I was a little girl. My parents allowed me and my brothers to take a midsummer swim in a lake that often held drowners, because they believed it was safe! Luckily, no drowners ever showed up, but I now understand that it was more luck than any sunlight magic. I shudder to think what might have happened if we had been less lucky! #midsummermyth #thesolsticewillnotkillyourmonsters #saynotomidsummerswimming
Tobias the Hoffman: So why are you in your castle, posting things on pictureplace and “having your own traditions” (involving all sorts of horrors, no doubt) when you could be out fighting beasties? Doing what you’re FOR, protecting humanity. Not waltzing around making up “traditions” and “culture” like it would make us forget what you ARE
Jaskier the Bard: Excuse you, @Tobias the Hoffman witchers have many cultural traditions, and just as much right to form and keep them as anyone else. Becoming a witcher doesn’t ever mean that they stop being people!! And even aside from that, though there is no ASIDE FROM THAT, as it is something that should NEVER be overlooked - what do you think Vesemir is doing right now? He’s spreading important information! Giving advice that could SAVE LIVES! Have you not seen that there are people in this very comment section that didn’t(con.)
Jaskier the Bard: (part 2) know the sunlight thing was a myth? People who know better now, and might not get killed in avoidable ways because of it? And did you completely miss that he says witchers are OUT THERE, working, risking their own lives, instead of celebrating? While you accuse them of doing “all sorts of horrors” without a single clue what kind of sacrifices they make, every single day, for ungrateful assholes like you!
Zuzanna Zucchini: really? wow, i didn’t know that! i mean, it super makes sense and all, i guess i just never questioned it. because like, monsters are weird. a lot of the rules kinda sounds like nonsense. makes it hard to know what’s ACTUALLY nonsense and what’s weird but true. i mean, for me, i don’t think i thought it was like… ALL monsters. because there’s nothing that’s true for EVERYTHING. but i absolutely thought it was a thing for some of the things
Not Enough Coffee123: Wait, that’s a lie? But I remember being taught it in school. It was printed in the book and everything, not just a single teacher getting it wrong. For all I know they’re still using the same books today
Kaer Morhen: @Not Enough Coffee123 I see on your profile that you are located in Kaedwen. If you recall the name of the book, or any other information that might narrow it down, you can get in contact with the activist organization “Kaedweni Parents Against Misinformation In Schools”. They keep a record of educational material that has been found to contain dangerous misinformation and campaign to have it removed from schools. They are a reputable organization, and have worked with the School of the Wolf to fact-check monster related information for many years.
Proud_Half-Elf77: Happy Solstice! And thank you for your service
Murky_Waters69: how can you not know when you were born? like, are you so old that you just… forgot??

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Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 20th 1588

Image description: A slightly different angle on the same flower as in the previous picture. There’s white text reading “Reporting misinformation” at the bottom, in the PicturePlace standardized font.

Text: If you are located in Kaedwen and wish to report misinformation about monsters (or anything else) being spread in a public school, you can find the website for “Kaedweni Parents Against Misinformation In Schools” here. They have worked with the School of the Wolf and our archivists since their inception in 1553, and I can personally recommend them. You can find a list of similar organizations operating in other countries here. I have no personal experience with any of them, but they have all worked with another witcher school at least once in the past, to good results. Lastly, here is a list of hate-groups that claim to have the same goal, but their definition of “misinformation” include things such as “elves deserve the same rights as humans”, “religious freedom is a good thing” and “homosexuality is, in fact, perfectly natural”. Do not legitimize any of the organizations on the latter list, or anyone that speaks about them in a positive manner. They are themselves founded on prejudice, hatred and lies.

97 Likes, 193 Comments

Comment section closed as of June 26th 1588

Top comments:

Concerned Cintran Citizens: We do not appreciate being referred to in such hurtful, untrue manners. We work towards a better future for the children of Cintra! And you, who have never worked with us, group us in with terrorists! Which is especially ironic, I suppose, since YOUR organization tries to solve all your problems with violence, blood-soaked swords and dark magic. You even bring CHILDREN into your crusade, yet have the gall to claim WE would have anything less than the children’s best interest at heart.
Follow Lebioda: I just want to make it clear that “Heart-Flame for Safer Schools” aren’t real followers of the Eternal Flame. They are part of a cult that claims to follow “the true way” of my religion, but everything they do spits on it, and on the saints. They take the call to burn away true evil, like monsters, and twist it into trying to destroy anything and anyone they personally don’t like or understand.
Sucks at Gwent: @Follow Lebioda as if the entire eternal flame wasn’t a false cult itself! you’re insulting lebioda to put his name in your nick while trying to make it out as if the “normal” flamers are the good guys. sure, some of you are worse than others. some of you could even be a pretty normal religion, if you weren’t stealing our prophet and using his words and deeds to support your own bullshit!
Weekly Recipes: Saving Novigrad’s Youth isn’t a hate-group! They help a lot of people! When I was a stupid teenager I got into the wrong crowd, started breaking the law and getting to all kinds of trouble. When I got caught I was terrified it might be the end for me, but I got community service at a homeless kitchen SNY ran. They taught me how to cook, and believed in me, and made me the person I am today. Sure, a few former SNY people said stupid things online a few years ago, but they were fired for it. They got rid of the bad apples, it isn’t what SNY really stands for!
Seeking_Justice_5: @Weekly Recipes you do realize that “Saving Novigrads Youth” have the word “human” in their mission statement twelve times, yet never mention elves or dwarves or anyone else? And last year when a reporter asked the founder if his organization also wanted to help non-humans, he gave a long-winded non-answer? If the answer was “yes” he would have simply said that, instead of trying to weasel out of the question.
Kovir Kome Here: Who is Frank of Kaer Morhen?

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Posted by Kaer Morhen on PicturePlace, June 23rd 1588

Image description: Three witchers in traditional black armor and silver medallions, holding weapons in a ready-stance. They are all young women. The first has short, curly blond hair, a scar across her forehead, and pale, yellow eyes. She carries a sword in one hand, a knife in the other. The second has brown hair in a high knot and dark amber eyes. She is halfway turned away from the camera, so we can only see one of her hands, which is missing a finger but holding a sword. The third is bald with what appears to be burn scars coming down from her scalp towards her face. She has pale, yellow eyes, is smiling widely and holding identical weapons in each hand, either very long knives or very short swords.

Text: A moment between friendly rivals at the sparring grounds. These young wolves are Elwira, Pola and Zuzanna. When they stepped out on the Path for the first time, almost fifteen years ago, they were among the first female wolf witchers to do so. There was a co-ed class before them, but only one. We were certainly not the first school to accept young girls - the Cats held that honor for several hundred years before even one other school followed their example - but today every single witcher school has women among their ranks. And our sisters show us, every day, that they are just as strong and steadfast and willing to endure, just as much witchers, as any of our brothers have ever been.

144 Likes, 472 Comments

Comment section closed as of June 26th 1588

Top comments:

Freya462: Who is Frank of Kaer Morhen?
Kovir Kome Here: Who is Frank of Kaer Morhen?
M.A.75: what happens to the kids who don’t become witchers?
By the Pontar: Child-murderers! And you claim not to be monsters!
Butterfly502: is frank dead? are you really going to kill him if you decide he isn’t witchery enough? i don’t want to believe it, but with everything people are saying and the numbers…
Drowner Inside: I can’t believe I used to respect you. I even praised you for being good to the kids! And all this time, all those kids you disappear up into your fortress that never come back out. When you talked about pyres, I felt bad! Yet it was the kids burning, wasn’t it? How many CHILDREN do you kill every year?
meme school for boring adults: who is Frank of kaer morhen?