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Chapter Text

Chapter Text

[Stede's Public Twitter]

[Stede's Private Twitter]

[Ed's Public/Business Twitter]

[Ed's Private Twitter]

Chapter Text

“Ed, darling?”

“Yeah, love?”

“If you open another milk while there’s already one open…” Stede held both offending milk cartons up in the air. One with just enough milk left for one cup of tea, the other one full and just opened. “I swear I’ll—”

“You’ll do what?” Ed was all smiles as he set down his phone on the kitchen table and propped his chin on his hand. He batted his lashes at Stede, giving him the big doe-eyed look that he knew full well Stede couldn’t stay mad at. “You’ll divorce me?”

Stede snorted at the ridiculous suggestion. Even as a joke, it was far-fetched. “I wouldn’t be as drastic as that.”

“No?” Ed left his chair and strolled casually over to Stede, closing the fridge door Stede had left open with a bump of his hip before crowding Stede against it, his hands placed against the cold metal littered with silly fridge magnets and love notes. Stede found himself trapped between Ed’s arms, and there had never been a happier prisoner. “I’d divorce you just so I could marry you all over again.”

“We’re already doing the vow renewal for our anniversary in Decem– oh.” Stede found himself unable to finish his sentence as Ed began a very thorough investigation of Stede’s neck with his mouth, and Stede couldn’t help tilting his head to allow his husband better access. With Ed’s kisses against his neck, it was very hard to remember what he’d been annoyed about, but he tried.

“You’re trying to distract me from being mad about the milk.” Stede said with a pleased sigh as Ed’s lips travelled along his jawline.

“Nah, I just think my husband is cute when he’s all grumpy and I wanted to kiss him about it.”

A rumbling moan emanated from Stede’s throat as he threw his arms around Ed’s neck, both milk cartons still in hand. He could never stay mad at Ed. He wasn’t even that mad, and even if he was, it was rare that the two of them had an argument that didn’t fizzle out after a few kisses. Nearly a year and a half married and they were both still as soppy and gone on each other as newlyweds, disgusting all of their friends who still believed that they were newlyweds.

Ed’s hands left the fridge to grab Stede’s hips and haul him in so their bodies were flush together, and as Ed leaned in to kiss him properly, Stede said what had to be the least sexy thing anyone had ever said before a filthy makeout session with their husband: “I’m still holding the milk.”

But even with the soft chuckle breathed against Stede’s lips, Ed didn’t seem put off in the slightest as he pressed his lips against Stede’s, and Stede sank right into the kiss like it was a hot bath after a long day, with bubbles and soft music and scented candles, one of those really fucking good baths where your entire body was so relaxed afterwards that it felt like your bones had melted.

Yet inevitably, just as Ed’s hand was skating round to the zip on Stede’s shorts, there was a loud bark and the clacking of nails on wood and they broke apart just in time for their insane fucking husky to leap up at Stede and paw at his shirt. Ed dutifully grabbed both milk cartons from Stede’s hands before they spilled everywhere and so Stede could scratch their dog’s ears. “Aww, is it time for walkies, Arthur?”

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

A quick glance at the clock confirmed it was indeed time for walkies. Whatever timekeeping device their husky had in his big fluffy head was spot-on as usual. “Let me grab your lead. Sit!” He pointed, and Arthur sat on command, tail still wagging and disturbing a few crumbs on the kitchen floor that he needed to remember to sweep up later.

He briefly caught a flash of Ed’s scowl, but then his face was hidden by the fridge door as he put the milk back, although when Stede returned with Arthur’s lead, he found his husband crouched on the floor in front of their dutifully-waiting dog, a finger pointed in his face that Arthur insisted upon licking. “Now listen here, you little fucking cockblock–”

“Edward, be nice.” Stede said as he clipped Arthur’s lead onto his collar and the dog was immediately on his feet, that being the signal that he was about to go for a walk (or more accurately, a run that would pull Stede’s arm out of his socket trying to hold him back). “Are you coming for a walk with us?”

Ed stifled a grunt as he got up from his crouched position, and the sound of joints clicking like gravel was a familiar one Stede recognised from his own body. “Yeah, sure.”

Once his husband was standing, Stede caught his chin to give him a quick kiss. “Good boy.”

[The Park]

The fresh air was pleasant, the leaves were green and luscious on the trees and dappled sunlight filtering through the leaves painted himself and Ed in speckles of gold and green as they walked through the dog park hand in hand. It was unseasonably warm for late April, but what Stede had become used to as shorts weather, someone living in a warmer climate might consider coat and scarf weather.

Arthur was running ahead of them, sniffing everything and occasionally cocking his leg up against a tree. They’d had him since he was a puppy and most of his training had gone well, but they’d had to call in Fang for extra assistance so Arthur learned how to behave off-lead. He had bags of energy and was an excitable thing, but with some assistance from their resident dog whisperer, Arthur had been trained to come when he was called and was well-behaved off his lead. Mostly.

The park was quiet today, and they found an empty bench to sit on while they watched Arthur explore. Ed stretched his bad knee out and Stede absentmindedly began to massage the joint for him as he watched their dog stick his nose in a bush. “God, he’s so big.”

Ed had his head tipped back and his eyes closed, but a smile crept onto his face. “Not yet, but move your hand a little higher up my leg and–”

Stede swatted his shoulder playfully. “Get your mind out of the gutter, I was talking about the dog.”

“The dog is the reason my mind is in the gutter, since the little shit cockblocked me from having you up against the fridge.”

“Probably for the best, I wouldn’t want to clean ass and hand prints off it.” Stede watched as Arthur stuck his nose in a flower and promptly sneezed, scrunching his nose up and then pissing on the offending flower to show his distaste. Ed chuckled next to him.

Despite his complaints and frankly rather adorable jealousy when he thought Stede was giving Arthur more attention than him, Ed adored their dog as much as Stede did. How many times had Stede come home from work to find them taking a nap on the couch together, or playing tug of war in the back garden with one of Arthur’s chew toys? And it had become a birthday tradition for Ed to get up early to make Stede breakfast in bed but attach a card from Arthur to the dog’s collar for Stede to read while Ed cooked. Ed’s handwriting, with a drawing of a big paw print, but signed from Arthur.

Stede remembered when Ed had surprised him with Arthur. Not long after he’d returned from Aotearoa, after he’d been hired at the library, he’d come home one day to find Ed wasn’t there which was strange as he’d had the day off. They had made plans for dinner together. Of course, Stede had initially panicked that he’d done something wrong and that Ed was avoiding him. No matter how many times Ed had reassured him that yes, he loved him and yes, he still wanted to get married and yes, he forgave Stede, it had still been easy to get worked up. 

It had taken a lot of couple’s therapy for Stede to work out those feelings of guilt, but he’d got there in the end. Their therapist had even remarked on how it was a good thing that they had sought couple’s therapy as a means of processing and understanding their rather hectic love story, and it didn’t mean their relationship was on the rocks simply because they needed an objective third party to talk things through with.

Still, when Ed had come home, and called from the doorway that Stede needed to put his hands over his eyes before he came in, Stede had feared the worst. He’d thought he’d uncover them to find a suitcase Ed had packed, telling him he’d changed his mind and he wanted Stede to leave. So it had been a delightful surprise to feel a warm, squirming weight placed onto his lap, and Stede had uncovered his eyes to find the beloved husky puppy he’d bonded with wriggling with his excitement to jump up and lick Stede’s face, only held back from doing so by Ed. 

Ed had even put a big red bow on his collar and while Stede cuddled and played with the puppy, Ed brought in all the supplies he’d been out buying, like food and toys and a dog bed. Stede had immediately named him Arthur, as it was the name he’d picked out upon first seeing the puppy before rational thought kicked in and told him not to name him or get attached as he could never take him home. And yet there he was, two years old at the end of the year. Too big to really be considered a puppy any more, but he’d always be a puppy to Stede.

A hand waved in front of his face and Stede realised he’d been lost on his little trip down memory lane and hadn’t noticed Ed was talking to him. “Sorry darling, what were you saying?”

Ed pouted and folded his arms across his chest. “You love the dog more than me.”

“Sweetheart, it’s not a competition.”

“That’s not a no.”

“Edward.” Stede turned his back to their dog to straddle Ed’s lap on the bench. A bit of a risqué move in public but it wasn’t like there was anyone else around. “I love you so much that sometimes it feels like my heart is going to burst with the sheer force of it. I married you. Twice.” He wiggled the fingers on his left hand, his left ring finger sporting two wedding rings. “And I would do it again. Every day, for the rest of my life, standing in front of officiant after officiant and boring our friends to tears with sappy wedding vows.”

“So,” Stede tilted Ed’s chin upwards and with the other hand he shielded his husband’s eyes from the sun. “Don’t be jealous of the dog, ok?”

Ed pursed his lips to kiss the pad of Stede’s thumb resting against them. “I’m just selfish and want all your attention.”

“You’ve got my attention now.” Stede grinned as he leaned in to kiss his husband.

Naturally, with their attention off Arthur, something had to go wrong and their lips had barely brushed before there was the sound of a distant splash and the frenzied quacks and flapping of wings from a bunch of no-doubt startled ducks.

“Shit.” Ed said as he helped Stede off his lap and ran through the gap in the trees, Stede hot on his heels. “He found the fucking duck pond.”

[Stede's Twitter]

One bath, towelling off and a few belly rubs (because he was adorable even if he’d misbehaved) later, Arthur was curled up contentedly on his dog bed on the landing, tuckered out from a busy day.

Stede found Ed in his home office, on the phone trying to sort payroll for his new hires so Stede left him to it. Teach Tours was booming. There had been a little wobble when Stede had first moved to Finland properly, but he’d always had faith that Ed would be back on top in no time and he was right. While the business did most of its trade in winter, capitalising on the Christmas tourism, Ed had been expanding the summer tourism side of the business lately. Things like adventure packages with hiking and kayaking, where he’d had to take on new staff to cover the activities he wasn’t trained in, and then a few extra staff to assist so Ed, Izzy and Ivan weren’t running ragged. It meant that Ed was busy now, but he’d soon have some free time once he got everything up and running.

He didn’t mind not having dinner together, he just brought a plate up to the office to make sure Ed didn’t forget to eat and left him with a kiss on his cheek while Ed mouthed ‘love you’ and began eating dinner with his phone clamped between his ear and shoulder.

Stede kept himself busy with a few chores and then watching a trashy reality tv series since Ed was upstairs. He always talked about how shallow it was, but it was his secret indulgence when Ed wasn’t around.

He figured Ed wouldn’t be working for too much longer, so when Stede went up to bed, he prepared a little surprise for his husband just to make sure he knew he really did have all of Stede’s love and undivided attention. Arthur was snoring on his bed on the landing so they hopefully wouldn’t be cockblocked by him again today.

After a shower to freshen up and to make his damp curls all tousled the way Ed liked, instead of slipping into his silk pyjamas, Stede put on one of Ed’s old oversized t-shirts. Not exactly erotic lingerie, but something about seeing Stede in one of his shirts and nothing else drove Ed wild and Stede stretched himself out on the bed in what he hoped was an enticing position as he waited for his husband to finish work.

But unfortunately he hadn’t realised how tired he was himself and dozed off waiting for Ed. When he came to and glanced at the clock, it was well after midnight and Ed still wasn’t in bed. Odd.

Stede grabbed a pair of boxers and slipped them on before padding out of the bedroom to check Ed’s office, but the light was off and it was empty. However, he could hear faint noises from downstairs. Had Ed gone to make himself a snack or watch a little television before bed? Ed did that occasionally, but it was late, he would normally have been and done that already.

He went downstairs to investigate, but the moment he swung open the living room door and saw what had kept his husband from coming to bed, Stede’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

Ed was sitting on the living room floor, staring at Stede with an embarrassed smile and a bundled up blanket in his lap. He’d been caught red-handed and he knew it, and he folded back a corner of the blanket so Stede could get a better look at what was curled up inside it.

“Don’t get mad.” Ed said as he revealed the furry face snuggled against his chest.

“Is that a fucking cat?”

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Chapter Text

[Ed's Twitter]

[Ed's Twitter]

Ed wasn’t in the habit of keeping secrets from his husband, and this hadn’t been something he’d planned to keep secret, it had just kind of happened.

Stede had been at work, Ed had been at home in his office going over the scheduling, and he’d heard the panicked meowing when he’d gone down to the kitchen to get a snack. One look out of the window and he’d seen the source and hurried out into their back yard. They had put a fish pond in recently, and although they were yet to actually stock it with fish, it was still an open body of water in their garden. Arthur liked to dive in there himself, and Ed and Stede had made plans to get a security grid that weekend to put over the top so their dog wouldn’t leap into the pond when it was full of fish, and it would keep any lurking predators away. Their back yard was enclosed, it wasn’t like anyone could get into it, and as long as one of them was home, then there was no need to worry about Arthur getting into it.

But when Ed looked out of the window to see a small black cat had fallen in and was struggling to get back out, he knew how irresponsible he’d been in not putting security in place on the pond to prevent this exact thing from happening.

The poor thing was terrified and thrashing around, and even though Ed was trying to help, it was too scared to understand and kept trying to claw at him. Luckily he’d been wearing long sleeves so all it managed were a few little tears, but he managed to get the struggling cat out of the pond and used the soft cotton of his shirt to dry it off. He would have taken it back inside the house, but he didn’t want Arthur to scare it. Arthur was fine with cats, he’d been around the one Roach and Izzy had adopted together with no issue, but Ed didn’t want to scare the poor creature with his dog when it already looked traumatised enough.

He managed to hold onto it for long enough that he dried it off a bit, but that cat had been adamant that it wasn’t staying in Ed’s arms and had managed to squirm free, darting off into the bushes. Ed had run out that day to go and get a security grid for the pond to stop it happening again.

He hadn’t expected to see the cat again after the ordeal and yet lo and behold, there it was a few days later, sniffing at Stede’s little vegetable garden. When Ed had gone outside, it had darted off once again, but Ed decided to test a suspicion, and left out a little tray of tuna, a saucer of milk, and a bowl of water and adjusted their security camera to point at it.

He got the notification that there was movement in the garden a few hours later, while he and Stede were having dinner with John and Frenchie. He excused himself to the bathroom to watch the live feed and saw the cat had returned again, sniffing carefully at the tray Ed had left out before taking a cautious nibble, and then tucking in. Now that he was able to get a good look at it without the cat running away, Ed could see that it had no collar on, looked a bit too skinny to be healthy, and had clumps of fur that were matted. And the way it was devouring everything Ed had left out for it meant all signs pointed to this cat most likely being a stray.

From there on, Ed's mission began.

He kept leaving food out, each time putting the tray a little closer to the house. Stede didn’t notice because he was busy at work, entrusting Ed to water their plants while he was working from home most days dealing with admin shit while Izzy and Ivan held down the fort with the actual tours. As the cat kept coming back and venturing a little closer to the house each time, Ed started sitting outside. He never approached it, and the cat was wary when it spotted him, but Ed remained where he was far enough away to let the cat get used to his presence and learn that Ed was a safe person to eat around.

It was a very slow, gradual thing, working to build up the trust but eventually it paid off and the cat was eating close enough to Ed that he could reach out a hand to pet it, but he refrained. The cat usually darted off when it had finished its meal, but that time it had sat down in front of Ed, eyeing him with big, curious eyes. He’d held out a hand, but let the cat make the decision of whether or not to approach. It sniffed his fingers and then butted its head against Ed’s hand, but a quick little pet was all Ed got before it scampered off. Still, it was progress.

He’d still been working on building the trust, but on the night he’d been working late in his office and he’d heard the first clap of thunder in the distance, Ed had panicked. Their bedroom door was closed, so Stede was likely asleep, and they were lucky with Arthur that thunderstorms had never bothered him. He lifted his head to watch Ed go as he went downstairs, but his dog soon settled down again on his bed to go back to sleep.

Ed had to wait outside for a while. Even though the cat had started coming back multiple times a day, Ed still feared it wouldn’t come back now. He hated to think of it alone and scared in a thunderstorm, but just as fat drops of rain began to fall, Ed spied a familiar pair of eyes peering out from a bush. He had food on hand to tempt it, but maybe the cat had started to trust that he was a safe person, because as soon as there was a loud clap of thunder, it left the bush and scampered over to him, butting against Ed’s legs and meowing. Ed had come prepared with a blanket this time, and the cat allowed itself to be scooped up and held against Ed’s chest as he carried it inside.

Ed didn’t know what his exact plan was, other than keeping the cat safely indoors until the thunderstorm passed. The living room door was closed, so Arthur wouldn’t come bounding in to spook the cat, and even though Ed set it down so it had a chance to explore its new surroundings, it still ended up coming back to him with each clap of thunder until ultimately it fell asleep against Ed’s chest, snuggled up in a security blanket as the sounds of the storm quieted overhead.

He hadn’t expected Stede to wake up, so the sight of his husband in the living room doorway startled him (as did the fact that Stede was only wearing a pair of boxers and one of Ed’s shirts, but he’d have to think about that when he wasn’t holding a sleeping animal).

“Is that a fucking cat?”

The cat gave a little chirp in its sleep that made Ed feel all gooey at how cute it was. “Shhh.” Ed stroked one finger over the velvety fur of the cat’s forehead. “Been a rough time for this one, let them sleep.”

“Ed,” Stede still sounded concerned, but his voice dropped to a whisper as he closed the door and came to join Ed on the floor, looking worriedly down at the bundle in his arms. “Why do you have a cat?”

So Ed told him the whole story, about how he’d spent the past month trying to befriend the little scruff of black fur currently cradled in his arms and Stede nodded along, occasionally pursed his lips, but then also got such a sweet smile on his face that Ed knew Stede wasn’t annoyed, he’d just been taken by surprise.

“So this is why you kept opening new cartons of milk then.” Stede said as he peeled back a corner of the blanket to get a better look at the cat.

Ed nodded. “Yeah, I think they like it best when it comes straight out of a fresh carton, they always licked the little saucer clean.”

“What’s our plan then?” Stede asked, and even though they were married and Stede had always been a supportive husband, hearing the ‘our’ used so simply in response to Ed sneaking a stray cat into their home without telling Stede made Ed feel like all the blood in his veins had turned to sweet, syrupy honey. Ed hadn’t even needed to ask for Stede’s help, and Stede would have been well within his rights to tell Ed to deal with it on his own, but he hadn’t. The cat was important to Ed so it was important to Stede, and they would make their plans together.

“First thing’s first, we get this poor thing to a vet.” Ed stated. “I don’t think there’s any immediate danger, but obviously I want to get them fully checked out.”

“We can go in the morning.” Stede agreed. “I’ll walk Arthur over to Fang’s and see if he’ll dog-sit just while we get everything figured out, then I’ll head over to Roach and Izzy’s to borrow their cat carrier, then we can take the cat to the vet.”

“Stede,” Ed swallowed, already guessing what his husband’s answer would be but feeling nervous all the same. “If it turns out the cat is a stray and has no home, then–”

“Then the cat stays with us.” Stede smiled sweetly and tucked a loose strand of Ed’s hair back behind his ear. “Arthur shouldn’t have any issues, he loves cats. We would need to introduce them carefully and slowly though, just to be safe and make sure they both like each other. Of course we’d also need to–”

Ed had barely listened to a word. The moment Stede had said the cat could stay, Ed was carefully manoeuvring the animal to hold in one arm without jostling it awake so he had a hand free to grab Stede by the collar of his (Ed’s) shirt and pull him into a kiss that expressed all the love, adoration and gratitude Ed had for his husband that he simply couldn’t put into words right that second because he was so delightfully overwhelmed.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Another little chirping sound had them break apart, but it was only a snore and the cat was still mercifully asleep. Ed felt soft, warm lips brush against his cheek. “Are you coming to bed, revontuleni?”

“I’ll sleep down here tonight. The cat had a chance to explore the living room so it’s at least a little bit familiar. I’m worried if it woke up in a new place with new smells then it would be more confused and frightened.” Ed turned his head as Stede was coming in for another peck on the cheek and caught his lips instead. “You go to bed, love.”

Stede got to his feet and Ed couldn’t help pressing a kiss to his husband’s shapely leg that he’d been dearly hoping he’d get to have wrapped around him tonight, but that would have to be postponed until they got everything sorted with their new houseguest. He thought Stede would head upstairs to bed, but to his surprise, his husband began plumping up the cushions on the couch and tugging down the blanket thrown over the back of it. “Up you get.”

“Huh?”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor, Ed. I’ll take the armchair, you take the couch so you can keep your knee stretched out.” As he spoke, Stede was already digging through the basket behind the couch where they kept extra pillows and blankets for cosy winter nights and blanket forts and began setting up his makeshift bed on the armchair.

Ed was careful as he got off the floor and onto the couch, not wanting to jostle the sleeping cat. “Stede, this is ridiculous. Our bed is upstairs, go and sleep in that. You don’t need to sleep down here just because I am.”

“I want to be close if you need me for anything.” Stede said simply as he plumped up a pillow and made himself comfortable in the armchair. Ed could already tell he was going to wake up with a horrible backache from the awkward sleeping position. “And I will not be spending the night apart from my husband, so stop arguing with me.”

“Can’t handle one night apart from me, even in the same house?” Ed teased, as though he hadn’t been feeling the exact same way. He pulled the blanket over his legs and looked over at Stede once he’d made himself as comfortable as he could in his makeshift bed, eyes shining in the dim light as he looked back at Ed. “I love you so much.”

Stede’s arm stretched across the gap between the furniture, palm upturned and Ed placed his free hand in it, threading their fingers together. “I love you too. Get some rest.”

They fell asleep like that, hands still clasped across the small gap, holding onto each other through the night as they couldn’t bear to be apart, even in sleep.

[Ed's Twitter]

The cat was confirmed to be a girl, not chipped and also not spayed. She was still young, although the vet couldn’t give an exact age, she guessed around one or two years old. The cat was underweight although not drastically so, and Ed figured it would have been worse had he not been slowly bribing the cat to trust him with food. Her fur was a little matted but nothing a bath with medicated shampoo and a good groomer couldn’t fix. The vet agreed with Ed that she was a scrappy little thing who fought to stay around in a world that didn’t want her, and it was plain to see that the cat didn’t trust people easily, although she did seem to trust Ed, defaulting to him for protection whenever the vet did something she didn’t like.

The little cat was a survivor fuelled by spite, and Ed loved her all the more for it.

They had to leave her at the vet’s for a few days, so she could get spayed, get her shots and her fur taken care of and just generally have an eye kept on her to make sure she was eating and drinking and otherwise showing all the signs of being a healthy cat when treated as she deserved. Enquiries had to be made to try and find out where she came from and if she did have an owner out there somewhere (who Ed was more than ready to fight with if she did because they didn’t fucking deserve to get her back).

Fortunately, they were both friendly with the vet thanks to Arthur, and she knew they were responsible pet parents, so when there was no luck in finding an owner for the cat, the vet was willing to release the cat to them under initial supervision, to make sure she wasn’t in danger with a dog in the house.

They had to take the process slowly, allowing both animals to get used to each other’s scents. Even if he was used to cats and did well in his obedience training, Arthur was still a dog. Problems seemed unlikely, because even at the first formal introduction, where Arthur was held securely on his lead, he was still incredibly well-behaved like he knew he had to make a good impression and do his best to not make the cat nervous at all.

She seemed inquisitive, prowling slowly around the edges of the living room as she watched Arthur intently, but she didn’t seem scared or like she was going to lash out. When she did eventually approach and got right in Arthur’s face, the dog stayed calm, with only a thumping of his tail an indicator of how excited he was, but he was a good boy and didn’t do anything to spook the cat.

The first introduction was considered a success, and they spent the next couple of weeks supervising the animals carefully and watching how they got along. There were plenty of nerves the first time Arthur was allowed to be unrestrained, and he did get playful, grabbing his favourite ball and throwing it in the cat’s direction like he thought she could play fetch. She batted the ball once with her paw, but then hopped up onto the couch to lie across the top of it, content to be the calm energy to Arthur’s chaotic.

It was decided that there shouldn’t be any issues with the pets as they got along well. Every time Arthur got too boisterous while playing, the cat took herself off to another location and Arthur seemed to have the sense not to follow and instead diverted his energies onto Ed and Stede to try and get them to play with him instead.

The cat was officially theirs, chipped and fitted with a custom-made collar from John, midnight blue and speckled with stars with a shiny silver disc to match the one on Arthur’s colour with Ed and Stede’s contact information. The only difference was the cat’s name, proudly engraved into the disc the moment they had been told they were allowed to keep her.

Inkspot, named for the inky colour of her fur but also for when the printer had broken and while Ed had been trying to fix it, she’d somehow managed to get her paws covered in ink from the exploded cartridge and trek pawprints all over the house. Stede hadn’t been best pleased, but he’d cheered up when Ed put a little frame around one of the inky paw prints on the living room wall and added a little placard like it was a piece in an art gallery, and then the next day Ed had found a matching paw print on the wall from Arthur, also framed with its own placard and details about the ‘artist.’

He knew that Stede loved Inkspot, even if he did grumble a little bit but it was no different to Ed complaining about Arthur when he got underfoot. But despite Stede’s best attempts to ingratiate himself with her, Inkspot remained very much Ed’s cat and he had to bite back laughter every time Stede was waving treats and trying to get her to come over to him only for her to turn up her nose and saunter off to take up her favourite spot, which was on Ed’s shoulders.

It came to a head when Ed was in bed reading one night and Inskpot had barged into their bedroom while Stede was in the ensuite, hopped up onto the bed and then climbed up to wrap herself around Ed’s neck like a furry travel pillow. Stede wasn’t paying attention when he came back from the bathroom, his breath minty fresh as he climbed into bed and leaned in to kiss Ed only to be startled when Inkspot let out a little warning hiss.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

“Inkspot, no.” Stede clicked his fingers and pointed to the floor. “Down, go and sleep in your basket.”

“Can’t train a cat like you train a dog, Stede.” Ed said, and turned a page in his book. “Leave her be, she’ll hop down when she's had enough.”

“Fine.” Stede sounded grumpy about it, but leaned in to kiss Ed again only for Inkspot to hiss a second time. “Oh come on, I can’t even kiss my husband now?”

“Not while she’s in a comfy spot, she likes having me all to herself.” He ought to be more understanding, but truthfully Ed was very much enjoying his husband’s annoyance. Now Stede knew exactly how Ed felt every time he tried to be intimate with him only for Arthur to barge in and demand Stede’s attention, and Stede being a typical dog dad, often left Ed to see to whatever their dog wanted whether it was demands for food or an interesting stick he’d found in the garden. So yes, Ed was rather pleased about getting a little petty revenge now one of their pets wanted all of his attention and not Stede’s.

“I like having you all to myself! Are you really not going to let me kiss you just because the cat is comfortable and doesn’t want to be moved?”

“Miss Inkspot calls the shots, I’m afraid.” Ed stretched up a hand to scratch her head and she immediately started purring, somehow managing to make it sound smug like it was all part of her plan to keep Ed’s affection all for herself. But when Stede huffed, Ed turned his eyes onto his husband. “And are you forgetting the time I planned a romantic night for us, right down to scattering rose petals on the bed only to come out of the bathroom and find Arthur sleeping on top of it? You refused to move him! All you did was take like a thousand pictures of the dog asleep and completely ignored me!”

“I did not ignore you! And we still had our romantic evening!”

“In my office!”

“I don’t remember you complaining when I had you bent over your desk!”

Ok yeah, that was fair. It hadn’t originally been part of Ed’s plans since he’d expected to make love with his husband in their rose petal covered bed, but he couldn’t act like he hadn’t enjoyed Stede railing him over his desk. He’d spent most of the following morning trying to organise the paperwork they’d sent scattering everywhere, but it had been worth it. Still though. “Not the point, Stede. The point is that you will happily ignore me if the dog demands your attention, and now you’re getting a taste of your own medicine. It’s a bitter taste, isn’t it?”

“At least Arthur only wants attention. But she is actively trying to stop me from getting close to you at all! Watch.” Stede didn’t try to kiss him this time. Instead he placed a hand on Ed’s leg and ran it up his thigh and despite being distracted by head scratches, Inkspot immediately noticed and let out another little warning hiss, then went back to purring once Stede’s hand was removed. “You see?”

“She just doesn’t have the same level of trust with you yet.” Ed shrugged, the movement making the cat bob on his shoulders in a way that he knew Stede was dying to laugh at but he was too stubborn to let himself right now. “I’m the one who rescued her, she’s probably just trying to protect me.”

“Oh yes, keeping you safe from your husband trying to kiss you, what a fucking hero.” Stede said in that spectacularly bitchy tone of his that made Ed smirk. “Well if that’s what she wants then we must bow to Inkspot’s whims, hmm? I will keep my lips, my hands, and various other appendages to myself then.”

And then Stede rolled over, his back to Ed, clearly in a huff.

“Stede, come on.” A round of loud, fake snoring started up immediately and Ed rolled his eyes. “This is the stupidest fucking fight we’ve ever had.”

A particularly loud snore seemed to signify Stede’s agreement, but he wasn’t letting up. He was in a proper sulk, no matter how ridiculous their little spat (if it could even be called that, Ed wasn’t actually worried about them) and he was stubborn enough to keep up his pretending to be asleep act. He’d be out of his grump by breakfast, Ed just needed to leave him to it. But he couldn’t resist reaching out to toy with a little curl at the back of Stede’s head, despite Inkspot’s displeasure. “Love you.”

It worked every time. No matter what they were fighting about, they would always pause the argument to say it and just as Ed expected, Stede’s snoring stopped for him to offer a reply of “Love you too” before he rolled over to face Ed and went to sleep for real.

[Ed's Twitter]

Arguing over being cockblocked by their pets was stupid, they both knew it, and yet neither one of them wanted to break first and be the one to admit that they were prioritising their pet over their partner. And so what followed over the course of the next few days was a game Ed could only describe as ‘Seduction Tennis.’

At first he didn’t know that was what it was. Ed had woken up first the morning after their little spat, but then he’d dozed off again and when he came around properly and went downstairs still in his old pyjamas with his hair sticking up at all angles, he was able to quickly blink the sleep out of his eyes at the sight of his husband in the kitchen, making himself a fruit smoothie and wearing shorts.

Tight denim shorts that showed off the curve of his ass and those lovely legs and yep, Ed was very much awake.

“Good morning, dear.” Stede said as he decanted his smoothie into a travel cup.

“Very good morning.” Ed sidled up behind him and was all set to put his hands on his husband’s hips and whisper some intriguing ideas about going back to bed, only for Stede to dodge out of his way like he’d known that was Ed’s plan, screwing the lid onto his travel cup. “Wha–”

“Must dash, Arthur needs his walk.” And as he went to grab the dog lead, Stede had given him a very pointed look and Ed understood in that moment that this was Stede’s method of punishing him for last night. He’d said Stede gave too much attention to the dog while refusing to admit that he was doing the same with the cat, and now Stede was getting petty revenge by purposefully making himself look like a snack and then not letting Ed indulge.

And as he watched Stede leave with their dog, with a cheerful wave that conveyed his husband’s casual bitchiness that Ed adored, his mind was set.

Two could play at that game.

Stede learned the moment he got home that Ed was more than willing to stoop to his level. Freshly showered and smelling of lavender, Stede returned to find Ed in the kitchen icing a batch of cupcakes. He pretended not to hear Stede’s footsteps stop dead, nor the sound of his cup hitting the floor. Stede thought he’d been so slick wearing those tight shorts, but one did not simply challenge Edward Teach in a game of seduction and assume they could win. 

Ed was stark naked, clothed only by an apron that covered his front as he piped icing onto the cupcakes. He pretended he’d only just noticed Stede was home. “Hi, honey. Good walk?”

Stede remained speechless so Ed upped the ante by squeezing some of the icing from the piping bag onto his finger and drawing it up to his lips, sucking the digit into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, really hamming up the act by closing his eyes and moaning as he sucked his finger clean. “Mm, I’ve really outdone myself. Want a taste?”

Stede didn’t need to be told twice. The travel cup remained abandoned on the floor as Stede scurried over, clearly expecting his taste of the icing to be from his tongue exploring Ed’s mouth only for Ed to thrust the piping bag into his hands. “Be a dear and finish icing those for me? I just need to feed Inkspot.”

He left his husband bewildered in their kitchen, although Ed could feel his eyes burning into his exposed ass peeking out from the back of the apron.

Their game continued for days, the two of them brazenly tormenting each other and then making up excuses to tend to the pets. Stede wandered around the house wearing nothing but one of Ed’s shirts so Ed retaliated by claiming to be out of clean clothes and doing laundry while wearing a pair of Stede’s boxer briefs. Stede got him back by wearing nothing to bed that night, saying it was too warm. Ed’s retaliation came the next day while Stede was gardening by stripping down to nothing but a pair of speedos and his sunglasses and sunbathing in the hammock, right in Stede’s eyeline as he watered the plants. 

Of course Stede, not wanting to be outdone, stripped himself out of his shirt and tucked it into one of his belt loops and when Ed couldn’t resist tilting his sunglasses down for a better look, Stede grinned and ‘accidentally’ sprayed himself with the hose.

The little rivulets of water trickling down Stede’s chest and over golden hair made Ed weak because come on, he was only human at the end of the day! He ducked back inside the house with a hurried and muttered excuse about needing a shower. A fucking ice cold one, because Stede was driving him out of his mind, but Ed refused to break first. 

He couldn’t. Stede had started all of this and he’d started the initial argument too by refusing to admit that he let their dog distract him from being intimate with Ed, so Ed wasn’t backing down, absolutely not and–

Fucking hell, this was the dumbest fight ever.

Ed yanked open the bathroom door, all set to run back out into the garden, apologise, and fuck his husband right in the middle of a flowerbed if need be, only to find Stede on the other side of the door, hand raised to knock.

“I’m sorry!” They both exclaimed at the same time, and then hurried into rushed apologies.

“I’m sorry for not making the dog get off the bed–”

“I’m sorry for using the cat to make you jealous–”

“This whole fight is so fucking stupid.”

“Can we please kiss and make up?”

“God, yes, please. ”

Stede barged into the bathroom and kicked the door shut behind him in a display so hot that Ed almost melted on the spot. And then he did melt, because Stede grabbed him and shoved him up against the closed door, kissing him so fiercely that Ed felt like the breath was being stolen from his lungs. They’d shared nothing more than a few little pecks over the past few days so being kissed so passionately felt like he’d been given an entire lake of water in the desert when previously he’d only been gifted a few sips.

Thank god neither of them were wearing much clothing to start with, because they were both so ravenous for each other that it would get torn off in an instant. But then right on cue, just as Stede had his fingers in the waistband of Ed’s speedos and Ed was wrestling with the zip on Stede’s shorts, there was the distinctive sound of barking and scratching nails on the other side of the bathroom door.

Ed dropped his head on Stede’s shoulders and groaned. “You have got to be kidding me. How does he always know?”

“He’ll just have to wait.” 

And Ed thought that was possibly the hottest thing Stede had ever said, had he not followed it up with “I’ve been losing my damn mind, Ed. If I can’t have you right now then I think I might combust.”

It certainly looked like it. Stede’s pale body was flushed all over and his eyes burned, like he really was about to burst into flames. How long had it been since they were last intimate? They’d managed to sneak in a quickie about a week ago in the morning before both pets were yowling for breakfast like they were being starved, but that wasn’t enough to sustain them, it was never enough. Ed was burning up too, and while he would happily take this quick rough session in their bathroom, he was yearning for the chance to have uninterrupted time with his husband, where they could take as long as they wanted. 

Ed remembered the blissful escape that had been their honeymoon - long lazy days and nights spent solely with each other, content to be holed up in their hotel room and not see a single other person. Feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries, sipping champagne in the bathtub, entire days where they hadn’t worn a stitch of clothing because what had been the point? It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet it had only been a few months.

Even though he hated to hear the sound of their dog crying and whimpering, Ed did his best to ignore it as he pulled Stede back in to kiss him again and resumed his mission of trying to get him out of his shorts, only for them to spring apart when there was a loud clattering sound behind them and they discovered Inkspot had managed to climb in through the bathroom window without them noticing, and then had promptly made her presence known by strolling along the window ledge and knocking every bottle and container on there into the sink, onto the floor, and one particularly unfortunate tub of moisturiser landed in the toilet.

A triumphant meow was her only explanation as she hopped down onto the floor and strolled over to Ed, immediately rubbing herself against his ankles and doing what she could with her tiny body to keep him apart from his husband. All the while Arthur continued to howl and scratch at the door from the other side, and Ed and Stede both looked at each other with resigned expressions, the door to passion slammed shut in their faces.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

[Texts between Ed & Stede]

It was a long, arduous day of work where he was training the new starters that they had hired. And Ed was a patient guy, he was never going to yell at someone new for making mistakes when he knew they were trying, but he couldn’t help feeling frustrated when all he wanted was an easy day at work and he had to keep fixing others mistakes. But he swallowed down that annoyance, did his best to show them how not to make the same mistake again and finally got home at the end of the day fed up and in need of some tension relief.

But something was different. Usually the second Ed stepped through the front door he was accosted by Arthur who jumped up at him and demanded cuddles and belly rubs as penance for Ed having the audacity to go to work. Inkspot was quieter with her affections, but she also came to Ed when he got home and gave him a little butt against the shins with her head, yet neither pet was to be found.

The house was quiet, with Stede not in either the living room or kitchen when Ed looked. He could hear the faint sound of music though, familiar and bidding him to follow it upstairs until he traced the source to the ensuite bathroom.

No wonder the music sounded familiar, Ed was the one playing it. Stede’s phone was propped up on the bathroom counter, one of Ed’s old piano playing videos on the screen. And there was Stede, perched on the edge of the bathtub in his gold silk dressing gown, trailing his fingers through pale lilac water. Ed could see the steam emanating from the bath, filtering up into the air through the mounds of floral scented bubbles and a scattering of rose petals floating on the water. There were scented candles too, placed on every available surface and making the entire bathroom smell like a lush wildflower meadow.

It didn’t look like Stede had any issue with Ed interrupting his relaxing bath time though, as he smiled up at him. “Hello, love.”

“Hi.” Ed stepped further into the bathroom, automatically drawn to Stede like a magnet as he leaned down for a kiss. “Where are the pets?”

“I thought they deserved a little vacation.” Stede grinned. “Dropped them both off to stay at Izzy and Roach’s for the night.”

The implications of what that meant weren’t lost on him as Stede got up and dipped his fingers beneath the fabric of Ed’s shirt, dragging it up, up, up until he pulled it over Ed’s head and discarded it on the floor. “And I thought…” Stede whispered into Ed’s ear, his lips close enough to brush the skin and make him shiver. “Especially after you’ve had such a tense day, that you might enjoy a whole uninterrupted evening together.”

“Oh, I see.” Ed was purring like their cat who was no doubt scratching up some piece of furniture right about now. His hands went to the belt of Stede’s robe and started tugging it loose. “And the dessert you promised to save me, I assume it’s under here?”

“Technically it’s over there.” Stede nodded to the little table set up next to the tub, with a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries and two flutes of champagne. “But…”

He stepped back to let the robe fall off his shoulders, leaving him stark naked for Ed to enjoy as he pulled his husband back into his arms and Stede began working on his belt buckle. “I don’t object to being your dessert either.”

It was like Stede had read his mind, knowing that Ed had been reminiscing about their honeymoon, right down to the details of the luxurious bath and chocolate dipped strawberries. But even without that extra touch of thoughtfulness, Ed would have been ecstatic. A whole evening to themselves, no interruptions, just the two of them. That was all Ed wanted.

And as much as he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his husband, knowing they had all night and he didn’t need to rush through anything before a phone rang or a pet needed feeding or something else cropped up to intrude upon their precious time together was bliss. After the long day he’d had, simply sharing a bath with Stede sounded like heaven itself, and it wasn’t long before Ed was sinking into the fragrant hot water, reclining against Stede’s chest.

Stede knotted his hair up into a braided crown on top of his head to keep it out of the way, and fed him strawberries while he complained about his day. He didn’t feel frustrated now he was home with his husband, but it was still good to vent to a sympathetic ear, even better when Stede began massaging the tension out of his shoulders with those magic hands of his. Ed would happily stay in the bath all night. He remembered when they’d first been house hunting together, seeing property after property but none of them were quite right. They’d made a list of things they both wanted and while they’d made notes of things they were flexible on, they had both agreed they wouldn’t be compromising that much. This house had met all of their needs and then some, with plenty of space, a huge garden, a fully modern kitchen, even its own sauna (which was hardly uncommon in Finland but Stede had still been surprised) but he knew Stede had been sold on it when he saw the ensuite bathroom.

Not many places had bathtubs as well as showers, so for the house to to not only have a tub but for it to be a large free-standing one with space for two people and both deep and long enough for them to both stretch out comfortably without any bits poking out of the water, it was perfect. Stede had practically lived in the tub for the first couple of weeks after they’d moved in.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Ed couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so relaxed as he flopped back against Stede’s chest like a rag doll, but Stede had other ideas. Ideas that Ed was very much interested in as he felt his husband’s hand stroking along his inner thigh, tantalisingly close to where Ed wanted his hand, taking Ed’s mind back to a night in a hotel with a tub where Stede had been the one with his back pressed against Ed’s chest, moaning and writhing in the water.

Champagne drunk and strawberries demolished and skin starting to turn pruny, it was time to get out. They towelled off with big fluffy towels that were tossed into the laundry hamper and Stede took Ed by the hands and walked backwards into their bedroom and Ed followed, as he always did. He’d follow Stede to the ends of the earth if he asked it of him. But Stede paused before they reached the bed and let go of Ed’s hands to retrieve two things from the drawer of his bedside table. The first being a bottle of astroglide that he set down on the tabletop with a suggestive smile, and the second being a little tub that Ed soon discovered was filled with rose petals when Stede removed the lid and scattered them over the bed. A cheesy move and one right out of Ed’s own playbook, but it worked and Ed fell back against the bed and pulled Stede down with him.

He could feel the velvety texture of the rose petals against his back, some sticking to his still damp and heated skin, but Ed was more focused on delving into the slow, deep kiss with his husband. God, when was the last time they’d been able to be with each other like this? Really take the time to explore each other without any rush or frenzy? Not that Ed disliked those wild, passionate moments, but he’d missed this. He’d missed just being with Stede, feeling that thrum of the invisible string between them that connected their souls, because Stede was his soulmate and Ed would fight anyone who claimed they didn’t exist. By all odds, the two of them should never have been able to work, and yet here they were.

Stede’s hands were in his hair as he kissed him and it took Ed a second to work out that he was carefully untying Ed’s braid by touch alone, and doing it with such tenderness that he didn’t yank painfully on even a single strand. As soon as his hair was free, Stede broke the kiss to look down at Ed with his hair fanned across the sheets, mingled with the rose petals. “Beautiful.” Stede whispered. “God, if only I could paint. I could look at you like this forever.”

“You have your phone.” Ed suggested in a moment of boldness. “Take a picture.”

It wasn’t like Stede would share it with anybody, not that Ed would particularly mind if he wanted to. But he knew his husband and he knew this was something Stede would want to keep for his eyes only. He kept the camera trained above the waist, ever the gentleman, and snapped a few pictures. Ed treated him to a few different expressions, switching between a seductive smile to fully brazen and throwing his arms above his head and biting his lip. It was enough for Stede to throw his phone aside, deciding he had enough photos.

“Come here, you gorgeous man.” Stede sighed, and leaned down to kiss Ed again just as Ed threw his arms over Stede’s shoulders to pull him back down.

This kiss wasn’t as slow and exploratory as the previous one had been. It still wasn’t rushed, but it was certainly more heated and when this one broke it was only so Stede could grab the lube from the bedside table and then he dove straight back into kissing Ed. Ed moaned into Stede’s mouth when his tongue slid against his at the same time as a lubed finger began to circle his entrance.

Stede took his time with that too, introducing first one finger and then another, and by the time he was three fingers deep Ed was gasping into his mouth and begging for more. No one else had ever been able to elicit such a response from him before, but maybe that was simply because the people he’d been with before Stede weren’t right for him. Ed had been with experienced and inexperienced people alike, and yet Stede was better than all of them and Ed put that down to him actually taking the time and consideration to learn what Ed liked, to know just how to curl his fingers, when to slow down or when to speed up. Ed was his entire focus, Stede’s own pleasure falling by the wayside because he could find it simply by watching Ed unravel.

And while Stede could get him off using only his fingers (and had done so before), Ed wanted all of him, so the moment he felt the head of Stede’s cock nudge against him, Ed was already shivering with anticipation. He wrapped his legs around Stede’s lower back as soon as he sank inside, wanting to keep his husband as close to him as possible, and Stede groaned when he bottomed out. “Fuck, I’ve missed this so much.”

It wasn’t like they had been separate or it had been that long since they had last fucked, but Ed knew exactly what he meant. It had been too long since they’d last been able to take their time with each other, but also they were so sickeningly in love that Ed missed Stede if he went to get a glass of water from the kitchen while he was in the living room. Ed reached up to cup Stede’s cheeks, his thumbs swiping over his cheekbones and catching wetness at the corners of Stede’s eyes.

“I still can’t believe this is real sometimes.” Stede whispered, confessions spurred by intimacy. “That we found each other, that you wanted me, that you married me… sometimes I’m scared I’ll wake up and it will all have been a dream.”

“Hey now,” Ed soothed as he dabbed away a few more tears. “We’re here now, that’s what’s important. I’ve always wanted you and I’m never going to stop. I’m not going anywhere.” He wiggled the fingers of his left hand in Stede’s face, his more recent wedding band catching the light with its opalescent facets of green and blue and purple. “You bought a lifetime subscription to Edward Teach. No refunds.”

“And I’d do it again.” Stede managed to capture Ed’s hand and kissed each finger individually.

Funny to think how this had all started, with Ed turning out in a snowstorm to rescue a tourist who’d called him because he was in the midst of a panic attack and Ed’s contact information was the only local number he had to call. How would things have been different if Stede had managed to drive in the snow and they hadn’t met until the group snowmobile tour? Ed would still have been completely gone on him, that was for sure. Probably would have made a fool of himself with his flirting even if he’d told himself nothing could happen between himself and Stede. What an idiot he’d been to ever think he could stick to that plan. And how strange to think that when he’d first viewed Stede’s profile after their initial messaging back and forth, he’d been looking at his future husband. Not only that, but Ed would be married to him fast. Married after knowing each other for less than three months. If any of Ed’s friends had come to him and said they wanted to marry a cute blonde tourist visiting from Aotearoa he would have said they were crazy, and yet here they were. Best decision of Ed’s life.

“Fuuuuck…” Ed moaned as Stede slowly began to thrust into him. “Really fucking happy that I married you, in case that wasn’t obvious.”

Stede’s answering laughter made him pause in his movements and he leaned down to brush their noses together. “I’m going to need you to say that again when I’m not inside you, darling.”

“I’ll say it whenever you want.” Ed sighed happily and pulled Stede down into another kiss, breathing the words against his mouth. “I love my beautiful husband, I’m so happy that he’s mine, and if he needs to be constantly reminded of that fact, then I’m more than up to the challenge.”

“I know, love. I just get in my head sometimes.”

Ed couldn’t blame him for that, not with the upbringing he’d had. If they’d only been able to meet sooner, then Ed liked to think he could have kept all that negativity at bay and stopped Stede from ever thinking such terrible things about himself, things that he was still working through, like believing he wasn’t deserving of Ed’s love. It wasn’t something that could be worked out overnight, but they were a united front and they tackled such issues together and Ed wouldn’t rest until Stede loved himself as much as Ed loved him, even if that was a very difficult feat to achieve. If Stede wanted to stop and talk it through right now, then Ed would do so gladly, but his hips started moving again and Ed knew it was something to be discussed later.

Their lovemaking was slow, gentle rolling of the hips and gasped sounds of pleasure intermingling. It wasn’t about the finish line, it was about enjoying the race. Ed got to take the time counting Stede’s freckles, and Stede got the chance to kiss every part of Ed that his lips could reach, although he put particular focus on sucking a bruise into Ed’s neck that Ed had no intention of covering at work tomorrow. Izzy could make all the gagging and retching sounds he liked, Ed wore the marks of love from his husband as badges of honour.

He could hear Stede’s gasps against his neck becoming heavier and faster and knew that Stede was close. There were things Ed could do to tip him over the edge, but considering he’d caught Stede in a vulnerable moment before, Ed resorted to a tried and tested method, and that was lifting Stede’s head up to look him in the eyes as he whispered “I love you so much” and then watching Stede’s eyelids flutter and his face contort in a way that Stede had once mentioned he thought must look horribly unsexy, but to Ed the sight of Stede reaching his climax was the most erotic sight in the world.

And yet even in the shaking throes of his orgasm, Stede still had the focus of making Ed come too. He had already been on the edge, but Stede wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking him until Ed spilled between their bodies with a cry was all it took.

They cuddled after the cleanup, like they always did. The rose petals would be a pain to tidy up, but they both decided that was something that could wait until the morning. Snuggled under their sheets, still naked and with them chuckling and picking off the petals that clung to each other’s skin, they were content. A whole romantic evening, just for them, with no interruptions.

“Is it weird that I miss the pets?” Ed blurted, and he felt Stede’s body shake beneath him with laughter.

“I miss them too.” Stede admitted. “Very glad they weren’t here tonight though if I’m honest. I’ve missed having you all to myself.”

Ed propped himself up on an elbow to peer at his husband. “Are you really jealous that the cat likes me more than you?”

“A bit. Are you really jealous when I’m giving the dog more attention than you?”

“Extremely.” Ed said with a laugh. “God, I love Arthur to pieces, but I can admit I get jealous when you make a fuss over him instead of me.”

“Then I will endeavour to make an equal amount of fuss over you both. Maybe a little bit of extra fuss for you, since you’ve been putting up with this for so long.” Stede brushed Ed’s hair lovingly back from his face and kissed the top of his head. “You know how much I love you though, right?”

Ed nestled himself back down with his head on Stede’s chest, placing his left hand over Stede’s around his shoulder, their matching wedding bands glinting on their fingers. Tiny northern lights, the whole reason they had met, carried with them wherever they went. “I know.”

Chapter Text

[Text on Stede's phone from Izzy]

ALT TEXT:

an iPhone with Ed and Stede on their (second) wedding day as the wallpaper, kissing under the northern lights. There is a popup with a new message from Izzy Hands reading: Come and get these fucking pets, Stede

Even though he’d loved having Ed to himself for a whole evening, without his attention being diverted by the dog or the cat blocking him from giving Ed any affection, Stede had to admit he’d missed the pets. The house felt too quiet without their chaos and so rather than pick them up after lunch, which had been the original plan, they went to get them after breakfast (also because they were driving Izzy insane).

Arthur leaped on him immediately as expected, meanwhile Inkspot glowered from her chosen spot atop a bookcase, judging them both until Ed tapped his shoulders and she hopped down and curled herself around his neck. Stede doubted Ed would ever need his red scarf again come winter now that he had Inkspot.

They stayed at Izzy and Roach’s for a little while, since Fang was visiting too, having coffee and catching up, and Stede’s eyes must have lit up when Fang mentioned one of his huskies was pregnant and the puppies were due in a few weeks because Ed took one look at him and said, “Don’t even think about it.”

And as if to prove the point that they already had their hands full with two pets, Arthur promptly started digging in the soil of one of Roach’s potted plants. Stede knew Ed was right, but he was simply a big softie for puppies. He also knew that if really wanted one, Ed could be convinced too, but it was best that they keep their little family just to the four of them for now, unless Ed found an abandoned bird on the way home or something.

The pets were glad to be back home, Arthur running laps of the garden and pissing in various spots in case some other animal dared to think his territory was up for grabs. Meanwhile Inkspot lazed by the fish pond (safely netted over so she couldn’t fall in again), her tail flicking back and forth as she watched the colourful fish. It was a gorgeous day, so Stede opted to relax in the hammock for a little while, although Ed unfortunately couldn’t join him as he had to work, but he promised to invoke a favour that Ivan owed him so he could finish early. Stede tried to remind him to dab some concealer on his neck to cover up the love bites from the previous night, but Ed only grinned and popped open another button on his shirt to make them even more visible before giving him a goodbye kiss and heading out.

Stede made the most of his alone time to catch up on some reading, do a few chores, and when Ed got home he was knee-deep in soil tending to his plants. It was his favourite corner of their garden. Stede grew flowers everywhere, but this little patch where he grew his own fruit and vegetables and herbs filled him with such pride because he’d made this! 

He’d grown food from nothing but a few seeds and a lot of care, and he swore it tasted better than anything they could have bought at the supermarket (although that was probably just pride). He could make a nice summer salad for dinner tonight. Not exactly a difficult recipe, but Stede had come leaps and bounds from being someone who was barely capable of boiling an egg to being able to make actual meals. Out of the two of them, Ed was definitely the better chef and did most of the cooking, but Stede had been learning and there were a few things he could make now and make them well.

It had been a lot of trial and error, and bless his darling husband for doing his best to chew through all of Stede’s mishaps and pretend they were delicious. Stede recalled one incident where Ed had insisted upon finishing the burnt yet rubbery omelette Stede had managed to make, even though it was absolutely foul, and then he’d been laid up with horrific stomach cramps the next day, all so Stede wouldn’t feel bad about his abysmal cooking. But he’d gotten better and now he could turn out a few meals that were actually edible and they could eat without fear that he was poisoning them both.

Stede knew Ed was back as soon as he felt a figure kneel down in the dirt beside him, and a tattooed hand snaked out to pluck a strawberry. Stede batted his hand away and Ed made a disgruntled sound before pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Don’t be a bitch, let me have a strawberry.”

“No, because you’ll put it straight in your mouth and you need to wash them first!” He already had to bat Ed’s hand away for a second time when he made another attempt, and then Ed tried to get crafty by using his other hand and Stede had to grab that too, which devolved into playful wrestling until Stede had Ed on his back in the dirt with his hands pinned above his head. “Hah! I win!”

“Bold of you to assume I didn’t let you win.”

“I won fair and square!”

“Did you? Or did I just want my handsome husband on top of me?” And then to prove his point, Ed somehow managed to wrestle his hands free, grab Stede by his hips and flip them over so now Stede was on his back, all before Stede had a chance to even blink.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Being pinned against the ground meant Stede had to watch as Ed smugly plucked a strawberry and lifted it to his lips, thinking he’d won, but Stede had an ace up his sleeve. “If you eat that then I won’t kiss you for two days.”

It had the desired effect and Ed hesitated. “You’re bluffing.”

“Could be. Sure you want to take the risk?”

Ed looked between the strawberry and Stede, but his decision was made quickly and he discarded the berry in favour of leaning down and releasing Stede’s hands. “Not worth it. Kisses please.”

It was a fair trade, and Stede had come out of it the winner after all, so he pulled Ed down on top of him and kissed his husband like they hadn’t seen each other in a week rather than a matter of hours. It was one hell of a kiss, even if Stede did say so himself, and when he let Ed up for air, the man could have doubled for an old timey cartoon with bluebirds circling around his head, he looked so pleased and dazed.

And it was obvious that Ed wasn’t finished because he went back for more and Stede had to turn his head so Ed only got his cheek, giggling the whole time. “How am I supposed to make dinner if we keep making out in the garden all evening?”

“You’re not.” Ed stated. “We live out here now.”

“Get off me and go and have a shower so I can start on dinner.”

“Counter offer - we keep making out.”

“Counter-counter offer - you can have all the kisses you want after dinner.”

“Hmm, you drive a hard bargain, Mr. Teach.” Ed pecked his nose playfully before letting him up. “But you have a deal.”

Stede clasped Ed’s hand and shook it firmly. “Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Teach.”

But Ed used their clasped hands to pull Stede in so he could whisper in his ear, making Stede feel like a melted puddle of ice cream at his husband’s seductive purr. “The pleasure comes later, sir.”

It was a promise guaranteed by Ed’s hand sliding down his side and over his hip, giving Stede’s ass a quick squeeze before Ed pulled back to wink at him and then saunter off into the house, leaving Stede flustered as he began gathering the ingredients for dinner.

[Stede's Twitter]

Dinner was a success, even if Stede did drop his fork several times when Ed kept running his foot up his leg beneath the table. They chatted about their days and Ed reminded him that they’d been invited over Roach and Izzy’s housewarming party that weekend. It was a moot point since the two of them had already visited Roach and Izzy’s new house a few times, but they had wanted to throw an official party to celebrate. Not something Stede was really looking forward to because while he liked Roach and was happy that he was happy, his friendship with Izzy was still somewhat strained. He doubted that they’d ever really get along, and Izzy made a point of mocking him at every chance he got, but he had mellowed somewhat since he’d become serious with Roach. Roach liked to tease him too, but it was more playful, and at least he called Izzy out when his comments became too barbed.

Honestly, Stede didn’t know what else he could do. For some reason, Izzy was still under the impression that Stede was going to up and leave Ed despite the fact that they were fucking married (twice), had a house together and two pets. Maybe it was because they’d moved in together after only a week of knowing each other and gotten married only a couple of months later (not that Izzy was aware of that, believing their wedding anniversary was in December like everyone else) but he still seemed to be under the impression that this was some whirlwind romance, like Stede was ever going to get bored and move back home.

Whatever. He could be civilised with Izzy, for Ed’s sake.

It was a nice evening, so they decided to sit on the back porch while they finished their wine, watching Arthur happily trotting around and sniffing things while Inkspot watched the fish in the pond, her tail flicking predatorily although there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to get at them. 

Stede had finished his own glass of wine and after a little break to throw Arthur’s favourite ball around the garden a few times, had returned to sit beside his husband, only this time with a posy of small wildflowers he’d gathered. Ed looked so relaxed, sitting there with his head tipped back and eyes closed as Stede weaved the flowers throughout his long braid.

“We should get some chickens.” Stede remarked, and Ed spluttered, eyes snapping open.

“We have a dog, a cat and a fish pond, you want more pets?”

“Chickens are lovely! We’d have fresh eggs!”

“They would attract foxes.”

“I like foxes!”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t like foxes if they got into the chicken coop, my love.” Ed took a thoughtful sip of his wine. “Plus we don’t know how Arthur and Inkspot would react to them, best to err on the side of caution. We dropped lucky with those two getting along, especially with how skittish Inkspot was about accepting the food I left out for her at first.”

“Oh yes, that reminds me, I need to put the food out before bed.”

Ed’s eyes narrowed as he turned slowly towards him, suspicious. “Food for what?”

Stede tucked a daisy into the end of his husband’s braid, refusing to let Ed’s hard stare break him. Maybe Ed wouldn’t let him have chickens, but he wasn’t going to stop Stede from having the new ‘pets’ he’d adopted. “It’s your fault. Did you really think that leaving food out to build trust with Inkspot would only attract her to our garden?”

“Stede.” Ed set his glass down. “Food for what?”

“I first noticed them after we adopted Inkspot, roaming around the garden late at night looking for food. They must have gotten used to it when you were feeding the cat so they were confused about why there was suddenly no food any more.”

“Stede, if you’re feeding fucking rats, I swear to god—”

“I wouldn’t!” Stede scoffed. Really, how little did his husband think of him? “It’s a family of hedgehogs.”

“Hedgehogs.”

“Mhm. Horatio, Harriet and Holly.”

“Shit.” Ed tipped his head back and closed his eyes again, suppressing a groan that he knew Stede would take issue with, but it was pointless if Stede knew he was holding it back anyway. “You named them.”

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Stede washed the dishes while watching Ed out of the kitchen window, running around in circles trying to get the pets to come inside for the night. Inkspot was no trouble, the cat basically lived on Ed’s shoulders and hopped up dutifully when Ed patted them, but Arthur was mischievous as always and sped around the garden thinking it was all a big game.

Through the open window, Stede could hear Ed’s constant complaints about being too old for this shit when he happened upon one of Arthur’s favourite squeaky toys and used that as his bribe to get the dog back in the house, throwing it inside before charging in himself and slamming the back door shut.

“Did you put the food out for the hedgehogs?” Stede asked when Ed made his way into the kitchen minus both pets, who were presumably off playing somewhere.

“Yup.” Ed’s hands snaked around his waist from behind and he planted a kiss on the back of Stede’s neck.

Despite his grumbling about Stede trying to ‘turn their garden into a wildlife sanctuary’ Ed had still left food out because he knew it was something Stede cared about. It was still something that shocked him from time to time, how easily Ed would put the effort in for anything that was important to Stede. He never felt like a burden or like he would be mocked for pursuing his own interests and hobbies because Ed actively encouraged it. He loved Stede’s eccentricities and he loved Stede and it was something he’d been so certain he’d never get to have that really, who could blame him for moving across the world to be with the man who gave him that?

In the quiet domesticity of their evening, Stede had almost forgotten Ed’s earlier promise, although he was swiftly reminded when Ed placed two firm hands on his hips and ground against his backside. Stede gasped and the plate he’d been washing slipped out of his hands, landing with a thud at the bottom of the sink. “Ed!”

“Wanted you all fucking day.” Ed growled into his neck. “Let’s go to bed.”

“I’m washing the dishes!”

“I’ll fuck you over the sink then.” Ed rocked his hips against Stede’s backside again, and this time Stede had to bite his lip to suppress his moan at feeling Ed’s hardening cock rubbing against him through his shorts.

He only had a couple more things to wash so Stede made quick work of those, but not fast enough for his husband who had managed to unzip Stede’s shorts and dipped his talented fingers into Stede’s underwear, wrapping around his cock. It was distracting enough that Stede ended up washing the same plate about three times because how the hell was he supposed to concentrate when he had Ed’s hand slowly pumping his cock like that?

Usually he would dry and put the dishes away, but Stede decided that was a task best left to the morning and he threw the dishes into the drying cabinet, pulled the plug out of the sink and snapped his hands free of the rubber gloves. “Bedroom,” He tilted his head back onto Ed’s shoulder and felt the light scratch of Ed’s beard as he kissed his cheek. “Now.”

They ran upstairs giggling like idiots, catching the eye of their dog happily chomping on his chew toy in his basket, who cocked his head curiously.

“Door.” Ed gasped as soon as they stumbled into the bedroom. “Close the fucking door before the pets get in.” It wouldn’t stop any howling or scratching if Arthur was determined enough, but hopefully he was too distracted by his favourite toy to interrupt them this time.

Ed was all over him as soon as the door was kicked shut, hands roaming wherever they could reach but predominantly focused on Stede’s shorts. “Strutting around in these things all day,” Ed nipped at his neck as he started dragging the shorts down. “Couldn’t stop thinking about tearing them off you the whole time I was at work.”

They weren’t even that short! Just mid-thigh denim shorts, hardly hot pants, but Ed always loved anything that showed off Stede’s legs, as he proved by dropping down onto his knees and shimmying Stede’s shorts and underwear the rest of the way down, pressing his cheek against Stede’s inner thigh as soon as he was bare. “Fuck, need these over my shoulders right now, baby. Gonna wear them like a necklace.”

Ed wasn’t kidding; the moment Stede had his shirt stripped off and he’d stumbled backwards onto the bed, his husband leapt up onto the mattress like a panther. Ed didn’t even get undressed himself, just went straight for Stede’s cock, flinging both of Stede’s legs over his shoulders in the process.

“Ed!” Stede squealed, but his husband was busy entertaining one of his frequent fantasies, and that was getting his head crushed by Stede’s thighs.

Normally he would be a bit slower about it, but it was like a switch had flipped on their calm evening together and Ed was ravenous. Stede wasn’t sure if Ed’s plan involved him coming in less than five minutes, but if he kept this up then that was exactly where the night was heading.

Stede whined and clenched his thighs around his husband’s head, Ed murmuring appreciatively about it even as he swallowed Stede’s cock down to the root, all the while gripping Stede’s outer thighs tight and pressing them even harder against his head as if he wanted it to pop like a champagne cork.

Stede’s thighs were already trembling, clenching harder around Ed’s head as he felt his climax oncoming like a freight train. “Ed, darling— oh fuck, your mouth! ” Stede was babbling. “I’m not gonna last, oh god—”

And then all of a sudden Stede’s thighs were parted wide by firm hands and Ed’s mouth popped off his cock, lips stretching into a satisfied smirk as Stede let out a groan of pure frustration. “Not yet, love.” Ed wiped a thumb over his lower lip, slowly dragging it down and if he didn’t get up here right this second so Stede could kiss that smug look off his face… “I’ve got other plans for you.”

Plans that sadly did not involve kisses as Stede found himself flipped over onto his front, although Ed showed mercy and pecked Stede’s lips when he craned his head over his shoulder. “That’s it, love, arch your back just like that… beautiful. Fuck, you’re a work of art.”

Stede blushed and hid his face in the pillow but couldn’t keep it buried there, not when Ed was pressing kisses along his shoulder blades, over to his spine, creating a path of love and affection and just pure adoration with each warm press along the curve of Stede’s back. “None of that now. You are a work of art, Stede Teach, and one of these days I’m going to paint you so you can see for yourself.”

Ed had been making his way down Stede’s body, but he suddenly slithered back up the bed to tuck a curl behind Stede’s ear and whisper into it in a low, seductive growl. “Or I could fuck you in front of a mirror.”

Oh now there was an idea. Stede clutched tighter at the pillow beneath his head and gave away his interest in the thought by arching his back a little more, which Ed noticed (obviously) and pressed another kiss to his shoulder with a soft chuckle. “Another night, sweetheart, I’m too impatient to fuck around setting up mirrors right now and that freestanding one you bought is too damn heavy to move.”

“It’s an antique!” Stede protested, as if that somehow explained the weight of it. It was a gorgeous ornate thing kept in their shared walk-in wardrobe and while Stede considered himself to be someone with lower than average self esteem, he still had enough vanity to spend ages primping in front of it trying to choose the perfect outfit.

Ed retrieved the bottle of lube from the bedside drawer and began slicking his fingers up. “Maybe we should go to a theme park and I can fuck you in front of a wall of those funhouse mirrors that are all different kinds of wiggly shapes.”

“Doesn’t sound like the most flattering experi– ohhh…” Stede’s head sank back down into the pillow as Ed pressed the first finger inside him, curling it to brush against Stede’s prostate with a delicate flick. “Fuck… right there, darling.”

Ed always knew how to coax the strangest sounds out of him; sounds that Stede would be ashamed of ordinarily because they were ridiculous, but Ed seemed to soak them up like a sponge and actively encouraged them as he fucked Stede on his fingers. When Ed was three fingers deep, Stede was in the midst of a noise somewhere between a squeak and a wail when Ed removed them and lined up the head of his cock with his entrance.

The slow sink of Ed’s cock inside him was always perfect and Stede sighed happily as his husband filled him, and then in a moment of ridiculous coincidence, the second Ed bottomed out and their skin was pressed flush together there was the sound of a loud squeak.

They both paused for a moment, confused, and then the squeak came again and they realised at the same time that it was Arthur playing with his chew toy outside on the landing and burst into giggles.

“You can’t—” Ed was still laughing hard, folded over Stede’s back. “You can’t fucking laugh while I’m inside you, Stede!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Stede giggled, trying not to shake too much with his laughter because this whole thing was so absurd and yet so funny at the same time. “But the timing of that damn squeak toy!”

“For a second I thought it was you!”

“When have I ever made the sound of a squeaky toy while you fuck me?” Stede had to wipe away a tear, he was laughing so hard. Having sex was going to be impossible if Arthur kept playing with his chew toy on the landing, because every time they heard the noise they were just going to start giggling again.

But by the time they managed to get their laughter under control, the squeaking had stopped and the only side from outside their bedroom were the quiet little yips of a snoring dog. Ed flattened his palm against the small of Stede’s back and stroked soothing circles into it. “All good, love?”

Stede tucked his arms beneath the pillow and rested his cheek against it with a smile. “All good, love.”

The laughter had calmed the frantic energy so when Ed began to thrust into him, it was slower. Less desperate, just a rolling of hips and taking all the time in the world to enjoy each other. Ed’s hands scooped beneath Stede’s body to raise him up off the bed slightly, cupping his chest and thumbs stroking idly over his nipples. Ed knew how sensitive he was there, but he wasn’t toying with Stede, just brushing lightly over his nipples with each thrust and Stede angled his hips down so his cock could press against the bedspread. Just that little bit of friction, each roll of Ed’s hips pushing him against the bed so his cock rubbed against the mattress. They’d have to change the sheets before they went to sleep, but that was a problem for later.

Stede hummed happily into the pillow as Ed draped himself over him, once again peppering his back with kisses. He could feel Ed’s nose squashed against his skin, his face buried like he wanted to absorb the very essence of him. “Love you.” Ed’s lips were so close to his skin that the words vibrated against him.

“Love you.” Stede replied. Was it even possible for the two of them to be intimate without exchanging words of love? Stede doubted it. No matter how hot and heavy, no matter how frantic and filthy, it was one thing that bubbled up every time. Neither one of them needed the reminder, but it was nice to have. Like a bouquet of flowers received “just because” or coming home after a long day to find the chores already handled - a sign of their devotion to each other, given not because it had to be reaffirmed but because they simply wanted to express it. Stede had so much love for Ed bubbling away inside him at all times that it felt like he had no choice but to let it out. One of Ed’s thrusts angled perfectly to hit his prostate and Stede moaned. “Oh, love you so much…”

His mouth hung open as Ed started to fuck him harder and Stede let go of the pillow with one hand to work it beneath him, tugging at his cock in time with Ed’s thrusts. Ed was chasing his release now, holding onto Stede’s hips for leverage as he fucked into him faster, deeper. With the angle Stede’s head was at, he could see Ed in his peripheral vision, head thrown back as he approached the precipice.

“Oh fuck, Stede… My gorgeous husband. Mine to love, mine to treasure, mine—” Ed came with a choked cry, collapsing over Stede’s back. Even exhausted and coming down from his orgasm, Ed still kissed him - along his shoulder, up his neck - it was like he didn’t even notice he was doing it, it was just instinct to kiss whatever part of Stede he could reach and Stede came with his husband’s lips at his ear, murmuring romantic words of nonsense.

They showered together afterwards, lazily making out under the hot stream of water while rubbing soap-slick hands over one another’s bodies and Stede plucking the last surviving flowers out of Ed’s hair. Ed was done before Stede was, and hopped out first while he remained in there for a little longer, letting the hot water soothe the aches in his muscles. Ed had left his pyjamas on top of the counter for him, so Stede changed into those once he’d brushed his teeth and when he flicked the bathroom light off and returned to their bedroom, he found that Ed had already nodded off.

He’d changed the bed sheets while Stede had been in the shower.

It was another simple act that made Stede adore him, and he climbed into bed beside him, lifting up one of Ed’s limp arms to tuck himself beneath it and fall asleep with his head resting on his husband’s chest.

The housewarming party was a fun way of seeing all their friends again, even if Izzy spent half the night fretting about so much as a speck of dirt being brought into their home when he’d just cleaned it for the party. More than once, he slapped a drinks coaster down in front of someone before they had even attempted to put their glass down on the new coffee table. And Stede could tell that Izzy was looking for things to berate him about in that sense, but unluckily for him, Stede was an ideal house guest; neat, courteous, shoes left by the door and he’d even arrived with a bouquet of handpicked flowers as a housewarming gift. Nothing to criticise him for, and Stede noticed that even though Ed put his socked feet up on the coffee table (presumably to try and make that vein in Izzy’s forehead bulge out, which it did), Izzy didn’t yell at him for it.

Roach however, had no such loyalty, and pushed his way through Ed’s legs like they were a pair of saloon swing doors, moving them off the table and back down onto the floor. He held a familiar box in his hands, and the sight of it made him and Ed exchange a look. Their friends had admitted that the last time they had played, they’d been manipulating Twister to physically make Ed and Stede closer and try to spur the two to act on their plainly obvious romantic feelings for each other. No need for such things now, so Stede could only assume Roach had brought the game out to put Izzy in compromising positions and was proven right when Roach declared himself master of the spinner board.

Stede was game to play just for the chance of being twisted around his husband like a pretzel, although he realised upon commencing the game that he hadn’t entirely thought things through, since Izzy’s head somehow ended up under his armpit.

“Ed, left hand blue!” Roach called.

Stede was almost on all fours, awkwardly balanced so his knees didn’t hit the mat and disqualify him, meanwhile Ed was in a much worse position, angled like some kind of upside down crab. But the new direction brought him closer to Stede and Ed tipped his head back, long hair flowing down to the mat as he grinned at his husband. “Well, hello there.”

“Hello, handsome.” Stede risked overbalancing to give Ed a quick peck, even if it was awkward with Ed being upside down and all.

“Oh, can the two of you not do that while I’m right fucking here!” Came an annoyed voice from under Stede’s arm.

So just to piss Izzy off, what had just been a little peck on the lips became a full-blown half upside-down messy makeout session until Stede was satisfied by the sound of a loud thump and a cry of “Izzy, you’re out!”

Izzy ended up mellowing a little as the night went on and more wine was drunk, eventually ending up in Roach’s lap which was both cute and strange to witness. Izzy was not one for public displays of affection, so watching him chat to people while perched on his boyfriend’s lap with an arm around his shoulders was unusual, but if Izzy was happy then he was less of a pain in the ass. Besides, it would be one hell of a double standard for him to not be supportive of it when he and Ed were all over each other constantly, much to the annoyance of their friends who often mimed gagging or just loudly told them to stop kissing and pay attention to dinner/the movie/the board game - the scenario was interchangeable since it didn’t matter what they were doing. But after a lifetime of being made to suppress his true feelings and desires, now that he was able to openly express them, Stede would not hide them away for anyone. He had never expected to find his soulmate, so he’d be damned if he didn’t take every opportunity to show how thankful he was to have Ed in his life.

Something that Ed understood all too well, and never made Stede feel like he was being too needy or too clingy or too anything. On the advice of their couple’s counsellor, they did both carve out specific alone time for themselves so they weren’t joined at the hip, because a relationship that had progressed as quickly as theirs was bound to have some level of co-dependency if they weren’t careful, not to mention fears of abandonment given everything that had happened. But they worked on it, and so when either of them needed a bit of alone time it was granted, and when Ed needed a little reassurance that Stede wasn’t going to leave him, he had it, and when Stede felt insecure he was always reminded of how loved he was.

They had overcome a lot and they made it work and while part of that was definitely both of them putting the effort in, Stede also liked to think that it was also because the two of them were meant to be together. Stede had found his home, here in Finland, and he remembered the first time he’d properly acknowledged it.

MAY 2023

While Stede had always been aware of Eurovision, he had never really participated in it, per se. He’d caught the occasional song on the radio, seen a few clips, seen which country had won in the news, that sort of thing. He’d never watched it back home because it had looked like some camp, colourful wonderful thing - exactly what Stede had always been told to avoid.

But that wasn’t his life any more. Stede no longer had to hide any part of himself away for the sake of being palatable to others, he could be as loud and proud as he wanted. He’d already defied all expectations by running away to Finland, even doing something as mad as proposing to a man he’d only known a few short weeks.

“Hello husband.” Ed leaned over the back of the couch where Stede was sitting, a cake balanced in one hand. The angle of the kiss was awkward, but Stede didn’t mind. It was a shame that he and Ed couldn’t call each other ‘husband’ publicly yet (although he was sure they’d slip up after a few drinks) since it was one of his favourite pet names now, but then again he also loved having Ed secretly be his husband. All their friends still believed they were only engaged, getting married in December, so Stede loved having this little secret that was just for the two of them.

Ed was his, Ed had married him and Ed was insistent upon Stede getting to watch his first ever Eurovision.

“Your first Eurovision final and it’s a year when Finland is absolutely dominating the competition.” Ed grinned as he set down their Käärijä support cake on the table. A lime cheesecake with icing so neon green that it hurt Stede’s eyes, but Ed had made it so it would be delicious.

They had done watch parties with their friends for the two semifinals, but for the big night itself, Stede had wanted to stay in. The others were out at a bar watching it and they had plans to join them later to celebrate Finland’s triumphant victory, but Stede had wanted to stay home to see the performances and results because a bar would simply be too loud and wild for him when he was trying to pay attention. Ed didn’t mind, but he had gone all out and had John and Frenchie make them costumes even though they were just watching at home. Even Arthur got puppy size green bolero sleeves to wear. Ed was wearing the neon pink bodysuit and trousers of one of the male back-up dancers for Cha Cha Cha, meanwhile Stede had Käärijä’s outfit, right down to the spiked black leather pants and green puffy sleeves, a larger version of the one’s Arthur was wearing. He suspected Ed had put him in that rather than himself because A) Ed liked pink and B) It was an excuse to see Stede shirtless and Ed made it very obvious how much he enjoyed that when he settled on the couch beside him and pressed a palm against Stede’s chest as he nuzzled in close.

Stede enjoyed most of the performances, although he didn’t hold back his bitchiness on the ones he didn’t care for and Ed giggled in between feeding them both bites of cake. Obviously they were both singing and chanting along when it was Finland’s turn to perform, as was the entire arena and no doubt many other people watching. The song was too fast for Stede to really have any mastery over the lyrics, since his Finnish still wasn’t the best, but Ed easily covered his mumbled words with his own loud singing.

Overall, he found it to be a very enjoyable show, and Ed used the interval time to tell him about his past favourite songs, how Finland had been climbing up the rankings in recent years and how this time he was confident they were due for another win despite Sweden being the bookmaker’s favourite.

The anticipation during the point revelations was nail-biting, even if they did make a game about guessing which country the current representative would give their country’s twelve points to. A lot of it was predictable, neighbours favouring neighbours, but there were quite a few twelve points going to Sweden and it was making Stede nervous.

“Don’t worry, the jury vote is always like this.” Ed rolled his eyes. “It’s all about clean and neat performances, but Finland is still racking up points and we’ll kill it in the public votes.”

And Finland did, shooting up the leaderboard with an astounding final count of five hundred and twenty six points, and yet looking at how many Sweden had gotten from the jury without the public vote coming into it still had Stede nervous. But he was new to Eurovision, he’d only just gotten his head around the whole scoring system, so he was probably wrong. There was no way Sweden could beat five hundred and twenty six points, right?

But looking at Ed sitting nervously on the couch next to him, Stede wasn’t so sure.

And then the winner was announced.

Fifty seven points. That was all Sweden had won by. Just a few more jury twelve points in Finland’s favour and they would have taken it, damn it!

Stede put his head in his hands but Ed was up on his feet clapping angrily at the television and yelling a whole manner of expletives while their dog ran around the room in excited circles, no idea what was happening, but giddy over his owners going from silence to screaming and yelling.

They decided not to meet their friends for drinks after all. What had seemed like a certain celebration of Finland’s win would just be commiseration drinks now, and Stede could tell that Ed wasn’t in the mood. It was only a song contest, it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, but Stede could understand how it got its hooks into people. The songs, the performances, the absolute insanity of it in parts, and the absolutely killer anticipation of waiting so long for all the scores to come in!

After screaming his throat hoarse, all Ed wanted was to go to bed, and seeing his husband dejectedly taking off his neon pink outfit was even more depressing than Finland losing. Stede let him go ahead of him while he took care of removing their dog’s costume and sending him off to bed in his basket. Stede was still wearing his Eurovision outfit, he ought to get changed in the bathroom before going into the bedroom where Ed was, but an idea struck him. A silly way of cheering his husband up after a disappointing night.

Ed was already in bed when Stede kicked open their bedroom door, holding a wooden spoon he’d grabbed from the kitchen like a microphone. “Pidän kaksin käsin kiinni juomista niinku!”

He’d watched the song on his phone in the kitchen multiple times to make sure he got the pronunciation right, and Ed’s sad face immediately turned into one of pure joy as he burst out laughing, chanting “cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, ei!” between his giggles.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Stede knew he wasn’t going to get the rest of the lyrics right, so he tossed the spoon aside in favour of hopping onto the bed and into his husband’s lap. Ed’s hands immediately went to his thighs, stroking them gently as Stede cupped his husband’s face between his hands. “I’m sorry tonight was a bit of a bust.”

“It’s fine, love, I’ll get over it.” Ed scrunched his nose. “Not sure I’ll ever be able to listen to Loreen again though.”

“There’s always next year.” Stede stroked his thumb over Ed’s cheekbone. “We’ll definitely get the win next year.”

Ed’s eyes softened more, looking up at Stede with a soppy grin. “You said we.”

“Hmm?”

“Instead of saying Finland will get the win next year. You said we’ll get the win.”

“Well, of course.” Stede leaned in closer and brushed his lips against Ed’s with a smile. “You’ve got to root for home, haven’t you?”

Stede kissed his husband sweetly, and he tasted of lime and sugar with a dash of gin and grapefruit from the lonkero he’d been drinking back when they had both been making toasts to Finland’s all but guaranteed win. But even if Eurovision had ended with disappointment, a night where the two of them got to spend time together could never be bad. All Stede needed for a day to be good was right here in his arms, smiling as he kissed him back.

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

PRESENT DAY

Finland was home, and Stede had adapted to its customs now, some more successfully than others (he was still working on his sauna endurance) but honestly, home was where Ed was. Stede would have relocated anywhere in the world to be with him, without question.

It was late when they got back to their house, after a night of fun and laughter and stuffed to bursting with the array of fancy cheeses Roach had made everyone sample, so it was a simple matter of head scratches for the pets and then going to bed. However, Stede was awoken early and with the onset of a wine headache by the sound of his phone ringing on the nightstand. He’d forgotten to put the damn thing on Do Not Disturb.

Who the fuck was calling at four in the morning? He didn’t recognise the number and usually he would ignore such things but Stede had been woken from a lovely slumber and he wanted to berate whoever was at the other end of the line.

Fortunately the sound of his phone ringing hadn’t woken Ed up, so Stede grabbed his robe and snuck out of the bedroom to take the call on the landing so his husband could sleep in peace. “Hello?”

“Hello, am I speaking to Mr. Stede Bonnet?”

He was already grumpy about being woken up at ungodly hours, so being referred to by a name he’d left behind only irritated him further. “Stede Teach.”

“I’m sorry?”

“My name. I’m Stede Teach, not Stede Bonnet.”

“Oh, my apologies.” There was the sound of shuffling paper and then the voice piped up again. “Do forgive me, but you were Stede Bonnet, correct? Son of Theodore Bonnet?”

“Technically speaking, yes.” Stede was growing more frustrated by the second and was moments away from cutting his losses and ending the call.

“I’m calling on behalf of Mr. Theodore Bonnet’s–”

“Ok, let me stop you right there.” Stede snapped. He should have known his father was behind this. He hadn’t heard from the man since he’d left Aotearoa, although the last his father had heard from him had been Stede sending him a photo of himself and Ed with their wedding rings on their middle fingers, pointed at the camera with bright smiles. The old bastard had seen it but had never responded, just as Stede had expected. Had felt good though, even if he’d gotten no response, to show the old man that he had no control over his life any more and despite his meddling, Stede was happily married and living his best life far away from him. “Whatever ploy or trickery he’s put you up to, I don’t want to hear it. I figured he might try something to get me back there eventually, but I’m not interested. Tell the old man he can go and suck eggs in hell.”

“I’m afraid you misunderstand me, Mr. Bonnet.”

“Teach!”

“Mr. Teach, my apologies.” For what it was worth, the mystery caller sounded suitably chastened. “I’m calling on behalf of Mr. Theodore Bonnet’s solicitors. I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

If they were going to tell him he was cut out of the will, then Stede was prepared to ask what had taken so long.

But that wasn’t the bad news.

Stede managed to get through the rest of the call, just about. Specifics and details were discussed, although how much of it Stede would remember still remained to be seen. He managed to murmur words of gratitude for the apologies and condolences, and then the call ended.

He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he slumped down against the wall and pressed his back against it just to feel something solid as he brought his knees up to his chest. He felt like a small child being tucked up like that, but then the news he’d been given made him feel like a small child anyway. Lost, afraid, unsure of what to do next.

The ticking of the clock on the wall filled the silence, counting down the time until the rest of the house woke up. The pets would be up and pawing at him to demand breakfast, Ed would soon be getting up to head out to work. He’d brew coffee while he had a quick shower, bring a cup up to Stede in bed and kiss him goodbye before he had to leave. Their typical morning routine, happy and sweet, now fractured.

He listened to the ticking of the clock, but didn’t count the seconds. He did hear the sound of Ed waking up before his alarm, a sleepily murmured “Stede?” and the rustling of bed sheets as Ed searched for him. Because that was where Stede was supposed to be, cuddled up in bed with his husband, not huddled in a ball on the landing.

It didn’t take long before their bedroom door creaked open and Ed stepped out, wrapped in the fuchsia robe, rubbing his eyes and blinking down in confusion at him. “Stede? What are you doing out here?”

He had to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come. The shock caught up with him and his entire body started to shake, but Ed was there and immediately dropped to his knees to take care of him. “Stede? Honey?” He’d had panic attacks in front of Ed before, and he was always so good at helping him through them, but Stede wasn’t even sure if this was a panic attack. He didn’t know what it was. “Space or a hug, what do you need, love?”

He remembered the signal. Arms over chest if he needed some time left alone, arms out if he needed to be held. The moment his arms unfurled from around his knees, Ed had him pulled into his lap and held close to his chest. It couldn’t have been a comfortable position for him, hunched on the floor like that, but Stede knew Ed would stay there as long as he needed. Stede expected there to be tears, that was what was normal with this kind of situation, right? Yet his eyes remained dry even as his body trembled hard enough to surely send vibrations rattling right through to Ed’s bones as well as Stede’s own.

How long did they stay like that? Stede couldn’t say, but eventually the trembling eased to a point where Ed didn’t squeeze him as tightly and Stede found his head lifted from Ed’s chest so his husband could look him over with worried brown eyes. He was waiting to see if Stede was ready to talk about it, or if he needed the hug to continue, but Ed didn’t press for an answer. He always waited, always gave Stede whatever time he needed to express himself in whichever way was most comfortable for him, even if sometimes that meant he couldn’t speak.

But this wasn’t something he could keep to himself. It wasn’t something he could bury down and ignore, nor something he could keep quiet until they went to their therapist’s office. Ed had to know and it was Stede’s responsibility to tell him. The problem was that saying it out loud meant it was real, and there was no way he could deny it or pretend this was all some hallucination brought on by a night of fitful sleep.

So when Stede read the silent question of ‘ what happened, my love’ in Ed’s eyes, the answer had to be dredged from his throat.

“My dad’s dead.”

Illustration Interlude - art by @smolbus

Chapter Text

Ed had never been a fan of flying. He liked to travel and unfortunately flying was often a necessary part of that. He wasn’t paralysed by fear but he was a twitchy and nervous flyer and the last time the two of them had been on a plane, Stede had been the one to distract him and keep Ed’s mind occupied. Now Ed had to step up and do that for his husband in return.

It wasn’t the flying that plagued Stede though, and Ed was aware that there was nothing he could do to truly put Stede’s mind at ease but he did his best to offer what comfort he could. He’d handled the packing for the trip for both of them, as well as booking the flights and their hotel. He knew Stede had a house back in Aotearoa, but when he’d given everything up to move to Finland, Ed wasn’t sure what had become of it and so there was no point in relying on the place being there for them to stay in. He’d packed Stede’s favourite snacks and some home-baked goods for the long flight but Stede just said he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t want tea or blueberry juice, he didn’t want to read, he didn’t want to put his eye mask on and sleep. He just stared out of the plane window, looking lost as he stared down at the expanse of clouds below them.

Art by @smolbus

Stede’s usual exuberance was gone, as was his laughter and his chatting. He’d hardly spoken since he’d broken the news of his father’s passing to Ed, and when he did speak it was monotone, almost robotic. And it wasn’t like Ed was expecting him to bounce around all chirpy when he’d been told his dad was fucking dead, but he hadn’t seen him cry even once. Stede’s relationship with his father had been complicated, Ed was well aware, but it felt like the man dying had taken a piece of Stede with him and Ed found himself missing his husband even though he was right there.

At least the jet lag made Stede sleep at last. Ed had napped on the plane so he wasn’t too bad, but they only just made it up to their hotel room and Stede crawled onto the bed and passed out almost instantly. While he shouldn’t be sleeping in the middle of the day because it would only fuck up his body clock more, Ed wanted him to at least get some rest.

He moved around the room quietly, gathering just the essentials from their suitcases for now and deciding they could unpack properly later. He tugged Stede’s shoes off, along with his trousers and shirt. He wanted him to be as comfortable as possible, no buttons or buckles digging into him and fetched Stede’s favourite pyjamas from his suitcase. He didn’t want to risk waking Stede by putting the pyjama shirt on him, so the bottoms alone would have to do, a little comfortable familiarity for him when he woke up. He’d fallen asleep on top of the covers, but rather than disturb him, Ed just folded the other half of the duvet over to make Stede a blanket.

He still didn’t look like himself, even in sleep, and even though there were more practical things he ought to be doing, Ed climbed into bed next to him. He didn’t feel like sleeping, but he wanted to be close, in case Stede needed him. As Ed curled up in bed next to his husband, he carefully took his hand and kissed his ring finger, right over the wedding band. 

“You don’t have to go through this alone.” Ed whispered. Why, he didn’t know. Maybe he hoped some of his words would seep through to Stede’s subconscious. The last time Stede had been home, he had been tricked into returning by the man whose funeral he was now here to arrange. The same man who had tried to tear them apart, and he’d almost managed it too, except Stede had defied him to come back to Ed. “I’m here, please let me help, in whatever way I can.”

Even in sleep, Ed doubted his husband was getting much real rest. His breathing wasn’t as steady as it usually was, and his brow was creased like Stede was battling some invisible tormenter in his mind. For all Ed knew, he could be. Stede hadn’t said a word about his father yet and whatever emotions he had about the man’s passing were being bottled up and hidden away where Ed couldn’t find them.

All Ed could hope for was that Stede would be willing to talk when he woke up. For now, all Ed could do was lie in bed next to him, softly stroking the back of his husband’s hand as he tried not to cry loud enough that it woke him.

“I love you so much, Stede. Please come back to me.”

Art by @smolbus

Stede still didn’t cry when he woke up. He was groggy and disoriented, his hair sticking up at odd angles and for a brief moment he felt so close to being back to the Stede that Ed knew that he almost wept. But then clarity came to him, and Stede returned to being the hollow robot, moving mechanically throughout their hotel room as he gathered his bathroom supplies. Ed had packed the leather monogrammed washbag he’d given Stede for his birthday, stuffed to bursting with everything he knew Stede would need because he clearly hadn’t been in a state to make his usual organised packing list. He’d packed the shower gel Stede had recently picked up from a local market, the one that smelled like pine and eucalyptus. He watched as Stede found the bottle and paused for a moment to look at it before heading into the bathroom.

Stede took the washbag with him, and Ed didn’t miss the way Stede’s thumb ran over the monogrammed initials. 

S.T. 

Stede Teach.

Unable to delve into his husband’s mind, Ed had no idea what he was currently thinking. They were here to help organise Stede’s father’s funeral, a man that Stede had cut all ties with, right down to changing his surname to Ed’s when they got married. Had bringing the monogrammed washbag been a mistake? Ed had been in a rush to pack everything they both needed, he hadn’t even thought about how it might make Stede feel to see his initials emblazoned like that. He was Stede Teach, but he had been Stede Bonnet first and being back in Aotearoa was no doubt stirring up some complicated feelings.

Ed fell back against the bed and willed the tears to stay inside his head. He didn’t want Stede to see him cry, none of this was fucking about Ed. His dad wasn’t the one who’d just died. He had to stay strong, had to be ready at a moment’s notice in case Stede needed him, and he couldn’t do that if he was fucking wallowing in his own feelings.

Wanting Stede back the way he had been before felt so selfish, but it wasn’t that Ed loved him any less. They had vowed for better or worse twice, and Ed had fucking meant it. He wanted Stede back because he missed him, yes, but he also just hated to see him like this. All shuttered up, any emotion hidden behind a blank facade. That wasn’t Stede.

[Stede's Phone]

Ed didn’t make a habit of answering Stede’s phone for him, but they knew each other’s passcodes, they had no secrets. The one time Ed had snooped through Stede’s phone had just been to check if Stede had meant it when he’d said he had more pictures of Ed than the dog. It had turned out to be true, with both Ed and Arthur getting their own photo albums in Stede’s gallery, however Ed had also discovered an album called ‘Family’ that was full of countless photos of the three of them together, plus their friends, and more than few photos of Ed asleep with Arthur on his chest back when he’d been a puppy. There would be new photos in there now, ones with Inkspot included. A family that Stede’s father had never wanted him to have, but which Stede had found for himself anyway.

And Stede’s old family was currently calling, if Mary could even be called that. She was Stede’s ex wife, but had she ever been his family, really?

Ed got off the bed and grabbed Stede’s phone to answer the call, because he got the feeling that Stede just wasn’t up to talking to Mary about everything, and he didn’t know how much she knew.

“Stede!” She said as soon as he answered. Ed hadn’t even said a word, she must have been waiting intently for the ringing to stop. “Are you alright?”

“Not Stede.” He replied, chewing at the skin around his thumbnail. He’d spoken to Mary before, and it had been pleasant enough, but something about the woman always made Ed nervous. He knew their marriage had been arranged and loveless, but she’d still had Stede first. Time that Ed and Stede could have had together, Mary had taken. And it was irrational and it wasn’t fair, because despite that period of time where they had both been in Aotearoa, there was no guarantee that they would have found each other, much less gotten together. It wasn’t fair for Ed to feel like Mary had taken time with Stede from him, because he knew she’d been just as trapped in the marriage as Stede had been, but the feeling lingered. Not resentment, she had done nothing to deserve that, but just a general unease that Ed felt around her. “It’s Ed.”

“Oh, hi Ed.” Whatever she had been planning to say seemed to have been stopped in its tracks at the realisation she’d be saying it to the wrong person. “How are you?”

“My husband’s dad is dead, so you know, not great.” Ed had never called him his father-in-law, it hadn’t felt right. The man was as estranged as it was possible to be, and he didn’t support their marriage so why should Ed think of the old goat as anything important? He had made half a contribution to Stede’s existence, and that was the only thing Ed would have ever thanked him for.

“I heard.” Mary sighed. “I’ve tried to call Stede a few times now, but he hasn’t answered. How is he?”

Ed looked towards the bathroom door, where he could hear the sound of the shower. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

Ed prickled at that. He didn’t know if the judgement he felt from her was real or imagined, but Ed resented it. Mary might have had him for ten years, but Ed would wager everything he owned that he knew Stede better than she ever did. But Mary wasn’t calling to be malicious, or to compete with him over a man she had happily cheated on and divorced. She was calling because she was worried about Stede, and Ed was letting his own worry and frustration translate into anger with Mary, and that simply wasn’t fair.

So he took a moment, took a few deep breaths and kept listening to make sure the shower was still running and Stede wouldn’t overhear him. “I’ve never seen him like this, Mary. It’s like he’s just… switched all his emotions off. He barely talks, and when he does it’s like speaking to a robot. He hardly eats, he only slept because he literally couldn’t stay awake any longer with the jet lag. He’s taking a shower now, which I’m hoping will make him feel a bit more human again.”

“Jet lag?”

“We’re here, in Aotearoa. Came back to make funeral arrangements and get all the affairs in order, I guess.”

“What affairs? Stede’s dad cut him out of the will when he left, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but there must still be some legal bullshit to deal with. His dad’s lawyer is the one who called to tell us he’d died. Even cut out of the will, Stede was his only family so maybe he has to sign some official next of kin paperwork, I don’t know.” The lawyer hadn’t really been clear on what needed doing, just that it was best for Stede to return to Aotearoa. Ed didn’t know how it worked when mega fucking rich people died, he only remembered his mother’s own small funeral and the little paperwork he’d had to do. There hadn’t been much for him to inherit after all, but Stede’s dad had money and property and businesses and all kinds of shit. It wasn’t going to Stede, but it had to go somewhere.

“If I can help at all, with anything, please let me know.” Mary sounded sincere, and Ed felt awfully guilty for feeling any kind of negativity towards her when he’d answered the phone. “And I’ll be at the funeral. God knows I didn’t like Stede’s dad, but that will be hard for him and I want to be there. Doug will stay home with Alma, I think she’s too young to bring to a funeral, and I wouldn’t want her screaming and disturbing the mourners.”

Fuck, Ed had forgotten all about Alma. Stede had told him a few months ago that Doug and Mary had had a baby, but other than sending the obligatory gift basket, Ed hadn’t thought much about her since. 

Mary and Stede were on friendly enough terms to keep each other informed about big life events like that, and she had sent them both a lovely set of His and His bathrobes and slippers for their wedding, plus she’d gifted them one of those fancy spa weekends where he and Stede had spent two whole days getting every last ache thoroughly massaged out of them only to create new ones by testing out their newfound flexibility in the bedroom later. Way too cocky for two men of their age, but it had still been fun.

It wasn’t like Stede was really connected to Mary any more, their relationship was more along the lines of old high school friends who kept in touch now and then, so Ed felt like he could forgive himself for forgetting that Mary had a newborn. Did a four month old even count as a newborn? Ed knew jack shit about kids, but he did remember a woman asking him if one of his tours was suitable for a forty-eight month old, instead of just saying her kid was four.

“Thanks Mary.”

“No trouble, whatever helps ease the…” She paused. “I don’t want to say burden.”

“No, you can say it, I think.” Ed sat down on the edge of the bed. “Maybe not to Stede, I really can’t tell what’s going through his head right now. But I believe you and I are both firmly in the ‘we hate Stede’s dad’ club.”

“God, don’t get me started. You would not believe some of the things that man said when I wasn’t instantly pregnant after the wedding.”

“At least he approved of your marriage.”

Mary was quiet for a moment, and then, “I’m sorry, Ed. I wish he could have seen that you were the best thing to ever happen to Stede.”

“I wish the old bastard had given one singular fuck about his son’s happiness.” Ed had never needed approval from anyone, least of all his husband’s father, but even though Stede had cut off ties with him, Ed knew there was still a part of Stede that hoped for his approval. He’d spent his whole life trying to get it, it wasn’t something that could be brushed off so easily, no matter how much Stede might want to. And just for Stede’s sake, it might have been nice for his father to acknowledge his mistakes and say he was happy for them. Whether Stede accepted that or flung it back in his face was up to him, but he’d never been given the option.

“I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead but he was a dick.” Mary said.

“Such a dick.” Ed agreed, and then heard the sound of the shower shutting off. “I think Stede is nearly done in the bathroom. I’d ask if you want to wait for him but—”

“If he’s barely talking to you then he’s definitely not ready to talk to me.” Mary said, and he appreciated her understanding of what was a very difficult situation to navigate. “If you can just tell him I called, we can speak when he’s feeling better.”

“Will do. And I’ll be in touch about the funeral arrangements.” Normally Ed would have plenty of time left when Stede got out of the shower as he went through his little self care routine, but Ed suspected he wasn’t in the mood for his fancy face creams and hair products right now, and would be out any minute. But he couldn’t let Mary go without saying one more thing. 

“Thank you.” Ed swallowed. “For checking on him, I mean.”

He’d been a little petulant when he’d first answered the phone, his own stress and exhaustion giving way to being a bit of a prick when Mary didn’t deserve it, especially when she’d called to see how Stede was doing.

“Of course.” She said kindly. “I do still care about him, you know.”

“I know you do. I’m glad that you do.” Stede had spent so much of his life without anyone fighting in his corner, and now that he’d found his true family, all Ed wanted was for Stede to know that there was nothing he had to go through alone. He had people both here and back home, all happy to be a shoulder for him to lean on. And Ed would always be there for him, no matter what. 

Marrying Stede had been the best decision he’d ever made. Loving Stede was easy, even when things were challenging like they were right now. He just wished that Stede could see that too, because Ed was close to the point of begging for his husband to stop shutting him out.

He heard shuffling in the bathroom and said his goodbyes to Mary before hanging up and plugging Stede’s phone in to charge it. Stede emerged from the bathroom moments later, a cloud of fragrant steam following him. It smelled like pine and eucalyptus, like home, and that was one small thing he hoped had helped his husband, but the look on Stede’s face was much the same as when he’d gone in. 

“Good shower, love?” Ed asked him, trying to find the right tone of voice. Not so cheerful that it was weird to hear something so chipper when Stede was in fucking mourning, but not so morose that it brought him down further.

Stede still wasn’t talking, he just nodded once and then walked over to the bed. The other side, away from Ed, where he sat on the edge of it with his back to him and stared out of the window.

Stede was wearing one of the hotel robes, and it was one of those towelling ones rather than the plush velvety kind that was Stede’s favourite. It probably felt scratchy against his skin, and without a word, Ed went to their suitcases and dug around until he found it. Perhaps it was excessive to travel with your own robes, but they both liked their comforts, and Stede needed it more than ever.

Ed sat down next to him, spreading the yellow robe over both of their laps, and Stede looked down at it. He still didn’t say anything, but he stroked one of the sleeves, petting it like he would one of their pets.

“Stede.” Ed caught his hand as it moved, squeezing it tight. “Please.”

There was no answer, but Stede looked at him. His expression was blank, nothing more than a mask hiding how he truly felt and Ed wondered how many times he’d had to don that particular mask over the years with his father. 

But not with him. Never with Ed.

“Stede.” He said again, only this time his voice cracked as he lifted his other hand to cup his cheek. His skin was still warm from the shower, but he hadn’t shaved, and Ed could feel the rough grains of stubble under his thumb. “Talk to me, love, please. I hate seeing you like this. I want to make it better, please let me help.”

“You can’t.” Stede’s voice was croaky as he answered. “I don’t want to drag you down with me, Ed. I’ll handle it.”

“What kind of husband would I be if I let you deal with this alone?” Ed whispered, tipping his head forwards so their foreheads rested together. Stede made a quiet sound, almost a whimper, and it broke Ed’s heart. “For better or worse, I promised. I wasn’t signing on for just the good times when I married you, do you really expect me to leave you to deal with this on your own and only want you back when you’re happy again? That’s not a marriage, Stede.”

Stede made the same noise again, a little louder this time, and as much as it hurt, this was the most Ed had seen of the real Stede since they’d left for Aotearoa. The mask was cracking, Ed was getting through. 

“I love you, Stede.” He could feel tears starting to slide down his cheeks, but wiping them away would mean letting go of Stede, and he would never do that. “All the time, not just when it’s convenient. You’re my partner, my best friend, my fucking family. I know you would fight tooth and nail to be there for me if I was going through this, please let me do the same for you.”

“Ed…” Stede’s voice was the one to crack this time, the final shards of the shattered mask falling away, revealing the man who had been hiding behind it. Stede’s head fell down, forehead slipping away from Ed’s until his face was nestled in the crook of Ed’s shoulder. And then Stede began to sob. Heart-wrenching, full-bodied sobs as all of the turmoil Stede had been keeping bottled up spilled forth.

There were so many conflicting feelings that had to be running through his mind. Grief for a man who didn’t deserve it, and guilt for mourning him at all. Stede didn’t need to say anything for Ed to know how much he was hurting, and it didn’t matter whether Theodore Bonnet deserved his son’s grief or not, because Ed wasn’t here to judge. He was here to comfort Stede in whatever way he needed.

Ed pressed his husband as close to his body as he was physically able to, letting his shoulder grow soaked with tears and snot, and all the while he cradled Stede’s head. Even though he’d just showered, he hadn’t washed his hair with his usual fancy products and Ed could feel the buildup in his curls. Stede always took such good care of his hair, and even though they had long travel as an excuse, the fact that he hadn’t bothered to do anything with it when he’d finally showered was just another worrying sign. But he wasn’t hiding any more. Ed wasn’t foolish enough to believe everything was ok, but Stede finally allowing his feelings out was a step in the right direction. He was letting Ed see him, all of him, the things he’d kept hidden for fear of being a burden to him. Stede had put the mask on in the first place because he really thought Ed would rather see an emotionless robot than see him so broken.

Ed wasn’t going anywhere.

He stroked Stede’s back with one hand, carded his fingers through Stede’s curls and gently massaged his scalp with the other, and all the while he spoke soft words. Meant to calm, to reassure, even if anything he said realistically wasn’t going to help or change anything. But Stede would know he wasn’t alone, he never had to be alone again.

“I’ve got you. I’m here now, I’m here, Stede.” He whispered, rocking the two of them gently back and forth, ignoring his own tears falling as Stede’s wails reverberated down into his bones. “I’ll never leave you.”

Art by @smolbus

Stede cried himself into exhaustion once more, passing out against Ed’s shoulder. Moving without waking him was difficult, but Ed managed to shuffle them both until he was lying back on the bed with Stede draped across his chest, and he had one arm free to silence both their phones on the nightstand. He didn’t give a single fuck if there were places they were supposed to be, or things that needed to be arranged. Anything and everything could fucking wait.

Ed dozed off himself, only coming to when the shadows grew long in the room and Stede began to shift against him. Stede groaned when he opened his eyes, the salt from his tears having crusted them shut. His whole face was puffy and swollen, but he’d stopped crying. And if he started up again now that he was awake, then that was fine, Ed would take care of him.

“Hey,” He said softly. “Do you think you feel up to eating anything?”

Stede nodded weakly, and Ed kissed the top of his head and reached for the room service menu. “How hungry do you feel, love? Eat an entire cow or nibble like a bunny?”

There was a sound that might have been a laugh, and then Stede’s hoarse voice answering with, “Nibbling, I think. I don’t know if I have the stomach to eat a big meal.”

“No worries. I’ll order us some snacky bits, yeah? They’ve got all your favourites.”

“Order food for yourself too.” Stede said. “Please don’t go hungry on my account.”

“I’ll order a burger for myself.” Ed promised. He was starving, truth be told, but he would let his own food turn icy while watching to make sure Stede ate something. Even just a few pieces of fruit, like he snacked on at home.

He hated to disentangle himself from Stede, but it was a necessary evil in order to make the call for their food, as well as grab the entire bottle of chilled water from their minibar. He’d already requested more from room service, but he left Stede with a big glass of water to gulp down while he went into the bathroom and dampened a washcloth with warm water. He was glad to see that Stede had changed into the yellow robe while he’d been gone, although he was picking at a loose thread on the sleeve.

Ed knelt in front of him on the bed and began the gentle process of cleaning Stede’s face for him, wiping away the dried tears and snot until he was fresh-faced again. No more hard edges or brick wall between them, just that vulnerable softness. The real Stede, the man he’d married.

“There he is.” Ed whispered as he set the cloth aside and cupped Stede’s face between his hands. “I’ve missed you.”

Stede’s face instantly crumpled. “I’m sorry, I–”

“Hey, shh, it’s alright.” Ed kissed the spot between his eyebrows. “You have nothing to apologise for, love.”

“But—”

“No, no.” Ed shook his head. “We’re not doing apologies. We’re going to eat our food when it gets here, you’re going to drink another big glass of water, two if you can manage it, and then the rest is up to you.”

“Up to me?”

“We can talk about it, if you want.” Ed didn’t say what ‘it’ was, but they both knew. “Or we can put the TV on and cuddle in bed and distract your mind for a bit. Or something else. Whatever you want to do. There’s no rush for anything, we’re taking all the time you need.”

After some time to think about it, Stede still hadn’t decided what he wanted to do, but that was ok. Their food arrived, and they ate it in bed. Stede mostly picked at his, but he did eat, which was good. Ed felt comfortable taking a bite of his burger after he’d seen Stede munch his way through a few grapes and some watermelon.

Stede didn’t want the TV on, but he did want to cuddle and mentioned he might fall asleep again. It would get him on the right timezone if he fell asleep and managed to stay that way until the next morning, but he imagined that wasn’t what was on Stede’s mind. Ed remembered when he’d lost his mother, all he had wanted to do was sleep. Sleep was guaranteed peaceful hours, and when he woke up, there had always been those few moments where he didn’t know where he was and he could temporarily live in a world where he didn’t remember that he’d lost her.

This was Stede’s second time going through the loss of a parent, albeit the one he’d liked less. Despised was probably more accurate, but even if Stede had cut the man out of his life, he’d still been his dad. Stede’s last connection to his home and his biological family. The last connection to his mother, gone.

“I dreamed about you, you know.” Stede said, unprompted, while they laid there together on the bed and Ed stroked his hair because it really did seem like something that soothed him. “Before, when I passed out.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d appeared in Stede’s dreams; Ed had been told more than once previously. His personal favourite was the one where Stede said he’d dreamed of Ed but he was made out of balloons and made a horrible squeaking noise whenever Stede hugged him. Ed had been trying to decipher the meaning of that one for months.

“I was underwater, and it was so cold and so dark, I couldn’t see anything.” Stede explained, rubbing his palm in circles on Ed’s chest. “And then you appeared. Except you were a merman.”

“A merman?” Ed raised an eyebrow. “Which half of me was the fish?”

“The bottom half. You looked fantastic, with a sparkly lilac tail, all shimmering scales lighting up the darkness.”

“Did I do anything else?” Ed asked. He didn’t know why this dream in particular had come to Stede or why he felt compelled to tell him, but Stede was talking again. Actually talking, and Ed was always happy to listen to him, but it was a huge relief to have his husband speak to him again when he’d been so withdrawn.

“You held me.” Stede said quietly. “And the water was ice cold, but everywhere you touched me was warm. And that was it really, you just held me. We never surfaced for air and I didn’t grow gills or anything, but I… I felt like I could breathe again. When you were there with me.”

Art by @smolbus

“I think,” Ed said slowly, “That you’ve been holding your breath ever since you got the news, Stede.”

Stede fell quiet again, and Ed hoped he hadn’t said the wrong thing. Maybe he should have steered clear of the subject for a bit longer? Maybe Stede wanted to be distracted and forget what had happened, at least for a little while, until he had to make the necessary arrangements.

But Stede let out a deep sigh, like he had truly taken Ed’s words to heart. “I think I have. I don’t understand why though, Ed.”

“You were in shock.”

“No.” Stede shuffled to sit up and Ed went with him, until their backs rested against the headboard. “No, it’s not just shock. Getting the news, coming back here, it’s all been so much. It’s like you said, I feel like I’ve been holding my breath the whole time and it all just came out of me at once. It was a relief, but I hate it, Ed!”

Now that was a surprise, and Ed was careful as he took Stede’s hand and ran his thumb over his knuckles. “What do you mean, love?”

“From hearing about my father up until a few hours ago, I didn’t cry once, and then all of a sudden it was like a dam burst.” He looked like he was about to cry again, and was already shaking his head like that could stop it. “I don’t want to cry over him, Ed! He was so awful to everyone, not just me. He was a horrible man. He was a lying, self-centred, unforgivable—”

“Stede,” Ed interrupted softly. “He was your dad.”

“And that should excuse him from all the terrible things he’s done?!”

“No, I’m not saying that, love.” Ed tried to keep his voice calm. Stede was clearly frustrated, and Ed had been through all of this himself. Anger was a natural part of the grieving process. “He was a shit dad, and I am not going to lie to you and pretend he wasn’t. But relationships with parents are complicated things. You can know that your dad wasn’t a good parent or a good man, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset that he’s gone.”

“I’m not upset that he’s gone, that’s why I’m so angry that I fucking cried over him.” Stede said firmly, but Ed could see the wobble in his lower lip. “I cut him out of my life - our lives - for a reason. I never wanted anything to do with him again, and yet even in death, he still has me doing his bidding. Someone else could have made the funeral arrangements, someone else could have dealt with the division of all his assets, it’s not like any of it has been left to me anyway. I have no ties, no responsibility to him, and yet I’m here. I didn’t even have to think about it, I just came running back because a dead man still holds that much power over me.”

“He doesn’t have power over you, Stede.” Ed insisted. “You defied every order he gave you to come back to me, to choose me. You left him behind as well as your entire life here to choose your own happiness and you are the bravest man I’ve ever known for doing that. And I once met a guy who bungee jumped into a volcano.”

The tiniest twitch of a smile appeared at the corner of Stede’s mouth. “Was it an active volcano?”

“Doesn’t matter, you’re a hundred times braver than he was.” Ed meant it too. It took an insane amount of courage to uproot your entire life and drop it somewhere else, and when Stede had done that, he hadn’t even been sure Ed would take him back. “As for why you came back to arrange things, maybe it’s because you still feel some responsibility as his only biological family left.”

Stede looked uncertain about that, but Ed gave him the time to draw his own conclusions. He knew his husband, but he couldn’t actually read his mind, and Stede’s relationship with his father was a complicated web that would take years to untangle, and Ed didn’t presume he could accurately deduce what Stede was feeling about it.

“I think…” Stede took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I think a big part of it is that I have to know. If he’s really gone.”

Stede’s father had literally exaggerated his ill health in order to manipulate Stede coming back to Aotearoa so Ed wouldn’t put it past the old man to have faked his death too. While it would be in character, Ed could feel that it wasn’t the truth. Even if it had been, Stede had come back with Ed by his side this time, the scissors that could cut him free from Theodore Bonnet tugging on his puppet strings, except Stede didn’t really need Ed for that. He’d gotten himself out once, and he would have done it again, but that wasn’t the case this time.

Theodore Bonnet was dead, definitely.

“You need the closure.” Ed said. “That’s what funerals are for really. It’s a chance to say goodbye, to reflect on someone’s life, but they’re also the final step before you can move on.”

“I just want to get it done.” Stede said, and Ed could hear every ounce of exhaustion in his voice. “It won’t get any easier the longer I put it off. I’m sure he has a list of demands for the service as long as my arm. Who to invite, which grand church to hold it in, what kind of flowers he wants because god forbid I get lilies. He probably even has a preference on what kind of polish to use on the casket handles.”

And just as he’d been going off a rant, Stede put his head in his hands. “Had. Had a preference.”

Ed put his arm around Stede’s shoulders. “The past tense will trip you up a lot. It still gets me, even to this day. I’ll catch myself saying ‘mum loves this song’ when one of her favourites comes on the radio.”

Stede sank into his side again, resting his head on Ed’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ed. This must all be bringing back some awful memories for you.”

It was, but that wasn’t something that would ever have been avoidable. “It’s alright. We’ve both been through this before with our mums, it means we know what it’s like. You can lean on me as much as you need to, Stede. We’ll take all of this one step at a time.”

“I’m not even sure where to start.”

“We’ll figure it out. And it’s not just us. Mary called while you were in the shower, she said she’ll help with anything we might need.”

“Mary.” Stede sighed, but it wasn’t the same weary noise he’d been making. “It will be nice to see her.”

“See? You’re not alone with this, Stede. And if any of it gets too much, you can just leave it to me and Mary, and we’ll take care of it for you.” He tilted his own head to rest atop Stede’s on his shoulder. “You mentioned something about lilies?”

“Yes, that’s one thing I know even before I see the list of his wishes for his funeral.” Stede grunted. “He always hated lilies. They gave him terrible hayfever and he hated how the pollen got everywhere. If Mum ever got any in a bouquet he made her throw them out.”

“Well that settles one thing, doesn’t it? Let’s fill that church with as many fucking lilies as we can.”

Stede made a noise that wasn’t a laugh, not that Ed expected him to be anywhere close to laughing yet, but it was close. Some people would probably find it disrespectful, mocking a dead man’s wishes for his funeral, but when that same man had never shown anyone the respect in life that he believed he deserved in death, then why should they? Of course, if Stede wanted to go down the route of honouring every single last wish of Theodore Bonnet, then Ed wouldn’t stop him.

However, it seemed that they were on the same wavelength about this funeral being Stede’s final ‘fuck you’ to his dad as Stede patted Ed’s chest and said, “He always despised white lilies the most.”

[The Car Radio is Playing]

Once they’d both had some more time to rest and adjust their body clocks to the timezone they would be living in for the foreseeable future, Stede seemed… well, Ed didn’t want to say better, but he was. He wasn’t happy, obviously, but he seemed lighter. He’d been carrying a lot of weight around on his shoulders and while it hadn’t gone away, Ed liked to think the pressure had lessened now that Stede had opened up to him and allowed Ed to share the burden.

It meant that Stede was ready to begin the actual funeral preparations, but the first thing he wanted to do after breakfast was go and see Mary. Ed did have to wonder if perhaps he was trying to delay the inevitable a little, but didn’t say anything. If Stede wanted to go and see Mary then that was exactly what they would do, and Ed gave her a quick call from Stede’s phone while Stede was in the shower to let her know. Luckily, she was happy for their rather sudden visit although she did warn Ed that the house was a mess and she wouldn’t be running around cleaning it up for the sake of their company when she had a baby to deal with, and that made Ed chuckle.

He was both excited and nervous to meet Mary as he drove over there in the rental car they’d picked up. Stede had been fine with Ed driving, although he didn’t talk much on the ride over to Mary’s. He just looked out the window at the passing scenery and Ed didn’t want to disturb whatever was going through his mind. Even with Stede turned away, Ed could see his melancholy expression reflected in the window. However, when You Make Loving Fun came on the radio (which Ed had already turned down), Stede reached across without looking to rest his hand on Ed’s knee, and Ed knew it was a silent message from his husband recognising one of the songs they had danced to at their official wedding reception.

Stede’s hand stayed on Ed’s knee the entire rest of the drive, until they pulled up at Mary and Doug’s house. It was rather modest, which was a little surprising. Stede had told him once how much Mary had gotten in the divorce and Ed’s eyes had bugged out. No wonder Stede’s dad had been pissed.

Ed could hear loud wailing coming from inside as soon as they made it to the front door, and he exchanged a look with Stede. Definitely a home with a baby. At least they wouldn’t be waking her up from a nap by ringing the doorbell, and the door was answered a few moments later by a frazzled looking woman who Ed recognised from the few photos Stede had shown him. The Mary he had seen in those was always polished and put together though, meanwhile the woman in front of him now looked like she hadn’t slept in days, and was balancing a screaming baby in her arms.

Mary did her best to make her face sympathetic as she greeted them both and welcomed them inside, apologising profusely for Alma’s screaming. “I’m so sorry, I tried to get her down for a nap before you arrived but she isn’t having it.”

Ed could see Stede’s obvious discomfort around the baby, even as he tried to hide it to be polite. He knew Stede didn’t hate kids, he just always felt a bit uneasy around them and was never sure of what to do. Ed had witnessed him trying to use cool lingo with the kids that came into the library and they always looked at Stede like he had three heads. Ed was far more used to kids, he was around them constantly when all the families came up to Lapland in December, so a screaming baby was nothing new to him. And given that Mary looked like she needed the break, and the two ex-spouses had a lot to catch up on, Ed held out his arms. “I can take her, if you want?”

Mary looked doubtful, and who wouldn’t? Ed was Stede’s husband, but he was still someone she had never met in person, why should she trust her baby with him? But it wasn’t like Ed was going anywhere, he was just offering Mary a chance to have her hands back to herself, and she nodded and passed Alma over to him. “She probably won’t settle, she never does when anyone except Doug or myself hold her.”

“Ah, but I have a special trick for crying babies.” As soon as Alma was in his arms, Ed cradled her close to his chest, but left enough room for the infant to stare up at the stranger who was holding her. Babies were curious things, everything was always so new to them, and Ed had a weird knack for getting them to quiet down. Even he didn’t know what it was, he assumed something about his appearance or smell, but it always got a crying baby to stop wailing in order to stare at him instead, which was exactly what Alma did after less than thirty seconds in Ed’s arms. “There we go.”

Mary and Stede both stared at him, gobsmacked. Alma was still red in the face from her tantrum, but the tears had stopped, and her little face wasn’t scrunched up in distress any longer. Her expression was making Ed snigger though, because she had the air of being a judgemental old woman despite not even being a year old. He’d never seen such a disdainful yet inquisitive look from a baby before.

“How did you do that?” Mary asked him. “Please teach me how to do that.”

“I’m afraid it can’t be taught, and it tends to only work once or twice.” He admitted, and went to take a seat on the couch. Alma was still staring up at him, so Ed puckered his lips up like a fish, which earned him a happy little squawk and a pudgy baby hand grabbing onto the ends of his hair. He should have thought that one through and tied it up; he’d forgotten how much babies liked to pull on people’s hair.

“Well, at least let me make you a tea or something to say thanks.” Mary rubbed at her temples, then at her ears. “God, I can actually hear again.”

“I’ll give you a hand in the kitchen.” Stede said, a little too quickly for it to be casual, and it made Ed take notice. He lifted his head as much as could be allowed with Alma holding his hair in a vice-like grip, but Stede wasn’t looking at him.

“Are you ok on your own with her?” Mary asked him, and Ed recognised the look of a mother who desperately wanted five minutes away from her child but was also tormented at the prospect of being apart from them as well. Ah, the duality of parenthood.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine.” Alma yanked on his hair again and Ed grunted. “Just come back before she starts using me as a climbing frame, yeah?”

Mary and Stede left to go into the kitchen, although Ed caught Stede shooting him a brief look over his shoulder as they went, too fast for Ed to make sense of his expression, but it didn’t look good. The funeral was probably weighing on his mind again or something, Ed would ask him about it when they were alone. Maybe it was why Stede had insisted on going into the kitchen with Mary, probably some funeral arrangements for them to discuss since she’d offered to help.

Ed frowned. He wasn’t jealous, that was the wrong word. But if Stede was leaning on his ex-wife for support during this difficult time rather than Ed, honestly, that was a little hurtful. Stede’s dad had been Mary’s father-in-law for a long time, whereas Ed had only ever met the man over video call. Maybe that was why Stede was turning to Mary over him, because she had a better insight into the life of Theodore Bonnet and was better at arranging the funeral. Meanwhile Ed was sidelined, of no use to his husband.

Alma squawked again, and Ed lifted her up to make eye contact. “Are you mocking me?”

She started blowing spit bubbles, and he took that as a yes.

“Rude, but fair.” He acknowledged with a sigh. “I know I’m being needy. It’s just… hard to accept that there’s someone else out there who knows parts of his life better than me. You get that, right?”

Another spit bubble.

“It’s not like I’m going to tell him.” Ed tucked Alma back down into the crook of his arm. “He has enough on his plate without me making him worry about my petty feelings. If I tell him, then he might not feel like he can lean on me anymore. He’ll bottle everything up again, because he’s scared of upsetting me. I can’t have that.”

Alma reached up with grabby hands again, and with a resigned sigh, Ed leaned down so she could grab at the ends of his hair. It was fine, not like he didn’t have plenty to spare when she yanked it out for her own amusement. “You’re cute, but you’re a menace, kid.”

Art by @smolbus

He spent the rest of his time with Alma just doing the usual baby stuff - rocking and pulling faces and making cooing noises at her, until Mary and Stede returned and Ed handed her back off to her mother. Stede was carrying the tea tray, and he set it down on the coffee table before joining Ed on the couch, thankfully sitting close enough next to him that Ed was able to take his hand without stretching across an awkward gap. Maybe he’d just been imagining those weird looks Stede had given him, because he seemed fine now.

“You’re sure you don’t mind handling the guestlist?” Stede asked Mary as he poured the tea from the pot on the tray. “I don’t want to burden you with anything when you have your hands full with Alma.”

“It’s fine, Stede. Honestly, I would do more if you’d let me.” Alma had started fussing again, although it was more quiet grumbles this time instead of screeching, and she seemed to calm down when Mary bounced her on her lap a little.

“You don’t need to do anything at all, it’s not like he was your father.” Stede said.

“No, but he was my father-in-law, even if I never liked him.” She and Stede exchanged a look, communicating silently in a way that made Ed squeeze Stede’s hand for reassurance. “Besides, I’m not doing it for him, I’m doing it for you. You said you wanted this over with as quickly and as smoothly as possible, so you’ll need the extra help. And Doug will pitch in to help too. Speaking of, he should be home any minute.”

She held Alma up in front of her like Ed had done earlier, cooing at the little girl. “Yes, daddy will be home soon, you’ll love that, won’t you?”

Alma responded by promptly throwing up all over Mary’s blouse. 

Stede looked horrified, but Mary had the expression of someone who was used to this sort of thing, and Ed grabbed a muslin cloth from the back of the couch when she pointed to it, handing it over so she could dab away the worst of the baby vomit. But Mary still made a face. “Yeah, this is going to stain and stink if I don’t throw it in the wash now. Can you take Alma while I grab a fresh shirt and throw this one in the machine?”

“I can take her?” Stede offered, but Mary was already passing the baby over to Ed, since he was there.

“It’s fine, Stede. She loves Ed, see?” Mary pointed out, as Alma enthusiastically grabbed Ed’s hair again and pain shot through his scalp. He really needed to tie his hair up if this was going to become a thing.

“Yeah, don’t worry, love.” Ed smiled as he took Mary’s spot in the vacated armchair instead of the couch where he’d previously been sitting. He knew Stede would want to be well out of range in case Alma threw up again. “I know how you feel about kids. I’ve got this.”

Stede made the same face he had before, only this time it lingered. It wasn’t the empty, vacant look Ed had grown used to since they’d gotten the news about Stede’s dad, but something pained. Ed could see it in Stede’s eyes, could see that he was stricken, but he doubted it was anything to do with his father. No, something had been up with Stede ever since they’d arrived at Mary’s home, and Ed wanted to know what was going on.

As soon as Mary left the room to go and change, Ed took his chance. “Ok, what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Stede, do you really think I can’t tell when my husband is upset?” He’d be able to tell even if Stede wasn’t so terrible at hiding his feelings. Ed could always tell when something was up, and his knack for it had meant that the surprise party Stede had arranged for Ed’s most recent birthday had really just been a party. He’d played along, for everyone’s sake, but mostly for Stede’s because he’d looked so excited that Ed had put every ounce of acting skill he had into his surprised performance because he didn’t want his husband to know that Ed had figured out what he was doing a month ago.

Alma started babbling and Ed moved her to his other arm, propping her up against his shoulder where she latched onto his shirt and started sucking on the fabric. This didn’t feel like a conversation they should be having while Ed was being slobbered on by a baby, but they didn’t have much choice. And he didn’t miss the way Stede’s eyes darted to Alma and then back to him.

“You’re good with kids.” Stede said, and for a moment Ed thought he was trying to change the subject and distract him, until something clicked in his head.

“Is there something about Alma that upsets you?” He frowned. “Stede, I know you don’t want kids, but they exist in the world, we can’t just—”

“No, no.” Stede held his hands up. “I don’t have a problem with Alma. She’s a very sweet baby and I’m happy for Mary and Doug.”

“Then what?” Ed was racking his brain trying to figure this out. “You don’t like that Mary gave her to me and not you?”

“No!” Stede was a little too loud with his answer and Alma made a slightly worrying sound that had them both looking alarmed. They froze, waiting to see if that had been a warning noise before she started wailing like a siren again, but she calmed and went back to sucking on Ed’s shirt. Moment of panic over, but Stede’s face crumpled. “You see, Ed? I’m awful around children.”

“So? Not everyone is good with kids.”

“But you are! Look how quickly she took to you, and how you were able to calm her. You’re such a natural, and I—” Stede stopped talking and looked down at his hands.

“Stede,” Ed prompted gently. “Tell me.”

“Back when I first came to Finland, before we started dating, we talked about our feelings on having kids and we both said we didn’t want them.” Stede didn’t look up, keeping his gaze fixed on his hands and twisting his rings back and forth. “And then we moved so fast. We moved in together, we got married, and I’m only just realising that it never occurred to me to ask if you had changed your mind, or thought you might, in the future.”

Ed was slowly putting the pieces together, but he wanted the rest. “What are you asking me?”

“Before we got together, you said you didn’t want kids.” Stede stated again. “But I don’t know if being with me, having a husband and a house and pets… changed that for you.”

Now that Stede had brought it up, Ed realised this really should have been a conversation they should have had before getting married. They’d assumed they were both on the same page still, but things changed, priorities changed. They weren’t the same people they had been before meeting each other; love had changed them.

“Ed…” At last, Stede lifted his head, and there were tears in his eyes. “If you feel differently now, if you’ve changed your mind and you do want children, I can’t… I don’t want to be a father, Ed. And if you do, then I don’t want to be what stands in your way of that.”

If Ed hadn’t been holding a baby, he would have been over there like a shot to gather Stede up in his arms and tell him he had nothing to worry about. Yes, they should have talked about this sooner in case either one of them changed their minds about having kids now that they’d both found the right person, and even though Ed’s mind hadn’t changed, he couldn’t help but appreciate the sacrifice Stede would have made for him without hesitation. 

If Ed wanted kids and Stede didn’t, he was willing to give up their marriage and the love of his life so Ed had a chance of fulfilling that dream with someone who wanted the same things. On the surface, it might not have seemed a very selfless thing to do, but it would have been the right choice. There was nothing romantic about Stede forcing himself into a role he didn’t want for the sake of making Ed happy. There was doing something you didn’t like for your partner’s sake, and then there was literally raising a human being and altering the entire course of your life. Raising a child together was supposed to be something done out of love, that both parents wanted, not a chore like taking the bins out so your partner didn’t have to.

So while the thought of Stede leaving him broke his heart, Ed could recognise the enormous sacrifice that it was. It wasn’t that Stede would rather leave him than raise a child together, but that Stede would rather make himself miserable living a life without him than keep Ed from what he wanted.

If Ed’s mind had changed, then this right here would be the most devastating moment in his life. But it hadn’t, and while normally he might tease Stede a little about jumping to such big conclusions just because Ed was good with Mary’s baby, he knew that Stede was going through a lot of strange and conflicting emotions right now. Ed couldn’t really blame him for jumping to such a conclusion, especially not when returning to Aotearoa and seeing a happily married Mary and Doug with their new baby meant that Stede was being confronted with the life he was supposed to have had, according to his father’s wishes.

“Let me put your fears to rest right this second, Stede. My mind hasn’t changed, and I don’t want to be a dad.” He bounced Alma in his arms a little to keep her happy and quiet, because Stede needed to hear this. “Looking after two pets is hard enough, you think I want to add a child into that?”

“If having kids was what you wanted, then—”

“It’s not what I want. You’re what I want, Stede.” He could feel himself getting exasperated, and took a second to take a couple of deep breaths through his nose. Ed wasn’t angry at Stede, because he understood why he was feeling like this, he really did. “I’m not sacrificing some dream of having kids in order for us to stay together. When I say I don’t want to be a dad, I mean it. I don’t hate kids, I’m happy being around them, hell, I’ll even babysit for friends who have them. But at the end of the day, I get to give those kids back, I don’t have to raise them myself. Fun Uncle Ed is the closest I ever want to get to having kids, ok?”

Stede folded his hands in his lap, fidgeting with each of his fingers in turn as he tended to do when he was feeling anxious. “I’m sorry.”

The tension flooded out of Ed immediately, and he got up, balancing Alma in one arm as he went to join Stede on the couch. Carefully, he took one of his husband’s fidgeting hands and held it in his own. “You don’t need to apologise.”

Stede didn’t say anything, just looked forlornly down at their clasped hands.

Art by @smolbus

“We’ve talked about this.” Ed said gently. For all the hard work they’d both done in couple’s counselling, they weren’t perfect. Both of them still slipped up, it was only human nature, and Stede was especially vulnerable right now. Him forgetting one of the big things they’d discussed in therapy made sense. “What do I say whenever you assume my life would be better without you in it?”

Stede sniffled, but he ran his thumb over the back of Ed’s hand. “You love me.”

“Yes, I do. And you’re right, the kids thing is definitely something we should have discussed before getting married. But I don’t want them and you don’t want them, so we’re still on the same page there. There’s no big crisis, nothing to panic about. So, take a couple of big breaths for me, love.” Ed waited until Stede did what he asked, heaving in long, slow breaths through his nose and out through his mouth. “Feeling a bit calmer now?”

“Mhm.” Stede eyed Alma carefully, but she was starting to nod off against Ed’s shoulder, so Stede deemed it safe to lean in and rest his head on Ed’s unoccupied shoulder.

“You wanna do your affirmations?”

“I feel silly.”

“I’ll do mine.” It was something their therapist had suggested for them; little reminders for when things got bad and old fears were circling like sharks in the water. Sometimes it was hard to remember what was real when you were caught up in panic and anxiety. “Stede loves me. Stede won’t leave me. Stede is happy being married to me.”

He heard a quiet hum from Stede nestled against his shoulder. “Ed loves me. Ed doesn’t want me to leave. Ed is happy being married to me.”

“Still as true now as it was on our wedding day.”

“Which one?”

It was said with some levity, and it felt like it had been so long since Stede had cracked a joke, so Ed was delighted. “Both.”

That was the point where Mary came back, wearing a fresh shirt, and carefully took Alma from Ed. She wasn’t quite asleep yet, but on her way, with her eyes fluttering between open and closed and her little belly swelling under her bodysuit as her breathing started to slow. 

Ed didn’t move, even once he was no longer holding the baby, choosing to remain where he was on the couch with Stede’s hand in his, and his head resting on top of Stede’s on his shoulder. He actually thought Stede might be starting to nod off too, until Mary smiled down at the two of them. “Look at you two. What a happy little family.”

“Yeah,” Stede murmured, and Ed felt his hand get squeezed. “My family.”

The family Stede had found for himself, that he’d almost given up, but now he was determined to keep. Not the traditional wife and children that had been expected of Stede by the man they were here to bury, yet it was what Stede wanted. Stede’s family consisted of insane pets, wild hedgehogs, chaotic friends and neighbours, but most of all, it was Ed. 

At its core, Stede’s family was the one person who understood him better than anyone else ever had, and it was why Ed knew that his personal bit of jealousy towards Stede’s history with Mary was silly. They’d never had the kind of bond that he shared with Stede, they had been two incompatible people trying to make the best of the life that they had been forced into, until they’d both managed to bend the bars of that cage and escape to find the family that they really needed.

Things weren’t easy right now, but they would get through it. Together, because that was what families were for.