Chapter Text
"Leather pants, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Is this going to be like Dark & Wild, part 2 or something?”
“What? No? It's hwa yang--”
“I know that, I just meant style-wise. Leather and denim and lots of eyeliner?”
“Oh. Well, yeah, mostly.”
“Great.”
“You don't sound excited. I thought you liked leather pants.”
“I do. I really do. And you look really good in them.”
“Thanks.”
“But I was kind of hoping for more flowers and stuff like last time.”
“Oh.”
“It's just easier.”
“Easier?”
“You're less distracting when you're dressed like a country club snob. ”
“A what?”
“Nevermind.”
“So you want me to wear shorts more?”
“You know what, leather is fine.”
---
“Favorite song on the new album?”
“Hyemi, you know I can never pick. They're all so good.”
“But if your life depended on it, what song would you choose?”
“Under immense protest, ‘House of Cards’ by a very small margin.”
“I knew it! You are such a sucker for slow songs. I'm only surprised it's not ‘Autumn Leaves’ with the epic slow jam feel.”
“I know. I've betrayed Min Yoongi and it hurts me.”
“But you're drawn to the angst like a moth to flame.”
“It's true.”
---
“What are you doing here?”
“Giving you your birthday present.”
“But how did you get back here?”
“I don’t know, but I think you should be doing Jungkook’s chores at the dorms for like a month.”
“Oh. Okay. So, where’s my present?”
“It’s me, dumbass. I’m your present.”
“Well that’s unfortunate. I don’t have time to unwrap you right now.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not the unwrapping kind of present.”
“Oh.”
“I just didn’t know what to get you. It’s the first birthday we’re spending together, sort of, kind of, anyway, I knew the fan sites were going to get you a million things, and the members and your family, so I couldn’t think of anything that I could give you and then I realized that I can give you one thing that no one else can.”
“But I don’t get to unwrap you?”
“Don’t you waggle your eyebrows at me, sir.”
“Yah! Sam! Don’t mess up his makeup, the coordi noonas will throw a fit!”
“Thank you, Jungkookie. Now go away.”
“Yes, noona.”
“So, Kim Taehyung, happy birthday.”
“Best birthday I’ve had so far.”
---
“Do you even know how seatbelts work?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then maybe you should wear them sometime. I hear they're useful in, you know, SAVING YOUR LIFE.”
“Right. Yes. Sorry, noona. I'll try to get better.”
---
“Sing to me?”
“I can't sing, Taehyung.”
“You sing all the time.”
“But you're a professional singer. Shouldn't you be singing to me?”
“What should I sing to you?”
“The Henry song I like.”
“Henry again? Should I learn how to play the piano?”
“You do have the hands for it.”
“Oh, so you're only interested in musicians now?”
“Funny bit of trivia, in English, it’s called a pianist .”
“A what?!”
“Exactly. I’m only interested in pianists now.”
“Well that sounds dirty.”
“Just sing the song.”
“ I’m getting tired, I guess I’m dreaming alone. Will you strongly shake me and wake me up, wake me up? ”
“ I'm trapped, I'm trapped. ”
“Sam, are you--”
“No, it's just a song. Just a good song. I don't want to stop Dreaming.”
“Me neither.”
---
“Why would you do that?”
“I've been thinking about it for a while. For years, really.”
“It hurt like hell, Sam.”
“I’m sorry. I had already started when you sent your sleep warning.”
“It's pretty, though.”
“Thank you.”
“What's it mean?”
“It's Welsh. It means dreamer.”
“I can't wait to see it in person.”
“Taehyung!”
“What?”
“I'm not in the habit of taking my pants off when we're together.”
“So wear a skirt and lift it.”
“That's not any better.”
“I’m not asking to see into your bathing suit area. It’s just your thigh.”
“Yeah, but… it’s my thigh.”
“...Alright. Well, l will wait to see it. Someday.”
“Someday.”
“My father would scold me if I ever got a tattoo.”
“Oh. My father has three.”
---
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too. You looked really good today though.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah. And your dancing was amazing.”
“Thanks. The new choreography is really hard.”
“You did great. Hyemi sent me the video. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there in person.”
“It's just a showcase, Taehyung. I'll dance lots of other times and maybe you'll be in town for one of those.”
“But it was your first performance in Korea. It's a big deal.”
“Well, thanks for watching.”
“Anytime. I love watching you dance.”
---
“It was equal parts ridiculous and intense.”
“Well yeah. Part of the fun of a club is dancing with lots of people. When it's just the two of you in our living room…”
“Right. But he took it pretty seriously. He showed up in leather pants and eyeliner with his hair all…and he made this epic playlist of songs and had Yoongi mix them all together like a real DJ would have. He even brought this little colored light thing. It was adorable.”
“It sounds sickeningly cute.”
“It was. Except for the leather pants.”
“What did you wear? Did you wear your leather pants?”
“No. No, I actually wore the blue dress.”
“You didn’t!”
“I did. I figured since I wasn’t leaving the house it was ok.”
“That dress barely covers your oh-no.”
“I know.”
“What did Taehyung say?”
“He didn’t say much. He blinked at me a lot. And then we danced. A lot.”
“Like club dancing or like get-a-room dancing?”
“Yes? Both?”
“And how is that not dating. What the hell are you two even doing?”
“I don’t know but I like it and that makes me a horrible human.”
“For liking things?”
“For liking the benefits of being close to Taehyung without making any commitment to actually be with Taehyung.”
“Oh, for playing it safe but still acting dangerously.”
“Yea, that.”
“I still don’t understand how you can keep your hands off him when he’s around.”
“I can’t. That’s the problem.”
---
“That was mean.”
“What? How was it mean?”
“I tell you I'm taking a nap so you decide that's the perfect time for a candlelit bath?”
“Yes? I thought you would like it. You seemed stressed. I just wanted to help you relax.”
“That's very thoughtful, but for the record, waking up all...up… isn't as relaxing as you might think.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Maybe don't listen to our playlist next time.”
“Good idea. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. I’m used to it.”
“I’m sorry for that, too.”
“Don’t apologize for being beautiful.”
“I’m not--that’s not what I--um, thank you.”
---
“You look like hell, Samantha. Oh don't raise your eyebrows at me. Have you two been fighting again? I’m going to guess that eye-roll is a yes.”
“He's getting impatient. He said he'd wait but what he meant was he would wait what he thought was a reasonable period of time, but not actually wait, you know, for me.”
“Well it has been a year”
“Sort of”
“What sort of? His 22nd birthday is in like a week.”
“21st”
“You count your way and I'll count the way that he does.”
“Whatever. It's been a year, but I've only seen him four times in that year.”
“It's been more than that! Hell, I've seen him at least that many times.”
“I'm only counting times where the two of us were alone for more than 5 minutes.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. So it's not like we've had a whole lot of time to work things out.”
“But if the problem is your feelings for Matthew, what does it matter how often you see Taehyung?”
“Because when he's not here, it's easier to convince myself that it's not really happening. That he's off living his life happily without me and I'm just here, trying not to love him.”
“But Sam, you know he loves you. He tells you all the time. He shows you all the time. You two text and talk all the time. Plus the dreams. “
“I know! But none of it makes sense. He should be with someone who--”
“Stop! You are worth being loved. You never doubted that Matthew loved you, so why the self-depricating tirade?”
“Matthew wasn't internationally famous and lusted after by millions of people.”
“But Taehyung isn't lusting after millions of people. Only you. “
“And isn't that crazy and weird?!”
“No. He loves you.”
“That's weird.”
“You love him, too.”
“I know and that’s even weirder.”
---
“So what, she’s like the perfect girl?”
“No. She’s not perfect. She’s kind of a pain in my ass sometimes.”
“That’s more information than I really needed, hyung.”
“Not like that, you pervert. She’s stubborn and playful and sort of delights in making me squirm sometimes.”
“But you’re like stupidly in love with her.”
“I really am. She’s funny and kind, she loves kids and is going to make an amazing mother some day. She’s passionate about dance and she works so hard to try to fit in here in Seoul. We fit together and it doesn’t really make much sense. Someday, it’s going to be a mess but I really can’t imagine any life that she’s not a part of.”
“Even though she makes you so mad you yelled at her in Japanese.”
“Yes. It’s the only language I have that she doesn’t understand enough of to be dangerous. If she gets to rant in English when she’s pissed, I’ll just rant back in Japanese. See how she likes not understanding.”
“Real mature there, hyung.”
“Thanks, Kookie.”
---
“Where’s your ring?”
“...In my jewelry box.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So… does this mean…”
“It means I want… you know… to be… more than just your friend.”
“You’ve been more than my friend for long time. You know how I feel.”
“Yeah, I do. I just… I guess I’m ready to try moving on.”
“So, you wanna be my girlfriend?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Awesome. Scoot over!”
“Ouch, watch your elbows!”
“Battle snuggles. Sometimes love hurts! Hey, no tickling!”
“That’s not in the rules. Tickling is totally fair game.”
---
“Hold still.”
“What are you doing?”
“Seriously, stop squirming.”
“But what are you doing, Sam?”
“I’m kissing your moles.”
“All of them?”
“All the ones I can find, yeah.”
“That might get interesting.”
“I’m counting on it.”
“So, can I return the favor?”
“Sure.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah, I only have like six moles.”
“Oh. Well, can I kiss your freckles then?”
“Oh. Um… yeah, I guess so.”
“Really?!”
---
“Is this okay?”
“Yeah, it actually feels really good.”
“Oh, good.”
“You can… you can go a… a little harder if you want.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I promise. I’m not made of glass. I promise, it really feels good.”
“If you say so. I just… I don’t… Namjoon will kill me if I hurt you in the middle of promotions.”
“Well it’s his fault we had an extra hour of dance practice that gave me this stupid cramp in the first place, so you just keep rubbing and I’ll deal with Namjoon-hyung.”
“Whatever you say, Taehyung. Brace yourself.”
“Oh shit, yes. That’s the spot.”
---
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Because we don't have to--”
“I know that. I'm a grown woman capable of making my own decisions.”
“Of course you are, but I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“And I love that about you. Really, I want to do this.”
“You… want to?”
“Not in the same way that you want me to, but not everything is physical. Emotionally, I want to. So shut up and come here.”
“Yes, noona.”
---
“Ugh, hyung, she’s driving me crazy.”
“Oh no. Don’t you dare come complain about how awful it is to have a girlfriend and shit. You’re still getting more action than the rest of us combined, so maybe shut up.”
“But she’s wearing that hoodie again. The one with the zippers everywhere. I just wanna--”
“Kim Taehyung, I swear if you finish that sentence I will stuff my foot so far up your ass…”
“Yes Joonie-hyung. Sorry, hyung.”
“Good. Now. Go be mopey and lovesick somewhere else. I’m trying to write a song here.”
“Aren’t you trying to write a mopey, lovesick song?”
“Yes, but I don’t need all your unresolved sexual tension stinking up my studio. Go away.”
---
“You sound awful.”
“Thanks, Taehyung.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just was worried, that’s all.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t sound fine.”
“I’m a little sad, that’s all.”
“You’re missing Matthew.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“I miss him, but I love you.”
“I know, baby .”
“‘ Baby ’? I’m like three years older than you. Who are you calling ‘ baby’ ?”
“Only you.”
“Oh. I guess that’s alright then.”
---
“So, why is the water always colder when we shower together?”
“What?”
“The water. It’s colder when we shower together.”
“Colder than what, Taehyung?”
“Than when you shower in my head. In my dreams.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s the same temperature.”
“No, it feels hotter in my head.”
“Well there’s a sentence if ever I heard one.”
“Sam, I’m serious. In my dreams, when you shower, the water feels hotter than when we shower together in your apartment. It’s weird.”
“Are you saying that things feel different to my skin than to yours?”
“I guess so.”
“Well, it makes sense. Women have like three times as many nerve endings per square inch of skin compared to men.”
“Really? Wow, now I want to feel everything in your skin.”
“That would be difficult because you have to be asleep to be in my skin.”
“I didn’t mean… hey, get your mind out of the gutter!”
“I’m just saying…”
“No, you’re right. But it would be interesting.”
“It is.”
“But you already kind of know what it feels like for me.”
“For you what? To shower? Yeah.”
“No. I mean… alone times.”
“Oh, right. Yeah. It feels weird. But nice.”
“I wish I could feel your alone times.”
“I would have to have them first.”
“Exactly.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Only if you want to, you don’t have to, it’s just a suggestion.”
“I can… I mean, I can try. If you want. I don’t… I don’t really know what to do.”
“Just do what I do.”
“Uh, I kind of don’t have the same anatomy, so that’s gonna be difficult.”
“No, I mean, just do what I do to you.”
“I’m not that flexible.”
“Sam! You know what I mean.”
“I do. Sorry. Humor is my default when I’m nervous.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Because I’ve never done it before, and I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You won’t disappoint me. I have no expectations. I just… want you to be happy. And also I’m curious.”
“I want to make you happy. We know all the parts work, I’ve just never tried to make them work without you.”
“Then think of me.”
---
“So… how’s it going?”
“Slowly. But not. We’ve only had like five real dates and I’ve already done things that I never did with Matthew, but Matthew never really wanted to and Taehyung does, so…”
“And how is that slow?”
“I only get to see him once every couple of weeks if I’m lucky.”
“But you’re happy?”
“I’m really happy. I kind of hate how happy I am.”
“Because being happy is bad?”
“Because I never thought I’d be this happy again. Because it still kind of feels like I’m betraying Matthew by being happy.”
“Isn’t that the whole reason he--”
“Yes, don’t say it. I know. I never claimed any of this was rational. I miss Matthew and I still love him but I’m starting to love Taehyung more and that makes me feel awful while at the same time feeling wonderful.”
“You’re a mess, you know that?”
“Yeah, I really am. But I’m a mostly happy mess, so that’s good, right?”
“Right.”
---
“I love you but I don't know if I'm in love with you.”
“How is that different?”
“It’s different. I love Hyemi but I'm not head over heels, butterflies in love with her.”
“Do you regularly make out with Hyemi, too?”
“Of course not!”
“Then what's the difference between loving me and being in love with me? You love me, you make love to me, what's missing?”
“I've never, we've never--”
“We've never had sex, in the strictest definition, but that doesn't mean we weren't making love.”
“You just… you deserve more than this. Than me.”
“Even if that were true, which I don't think it is, but even if it were true, you don't get to decide what I want! I get to decide. That's my job. You don't have to like it, or accept it, but it's still the truth. I choose you.”
“But you didn't! Some crazy fate thing did!”
“And I'm so glad because how would I ever have met you without it? Sam, I love you.”
“But I can't love you enough.”
“Why not? I want you. I want you and all your baggage and faults. Why won't you believe me?”
“Because it's not fair, Taehyung! It's not fair. You should be with someone who wants you desperately, who can’t wait until you get home to shove you against the door and tear your clothes off, someone who swoons and drools over you, who has the same kind of desire. Not me.”
“But you do swoon. You do drool. I've seen it. I've felt it. You have plenty of desire when we’re together.”
“But not like you do. I enjoy it while we're doing it but I don't exactly miss it when we're not.”
“That's fantastic. That's wonderful. I wish I were that lucky. As it is, you make the most faithful girlfriend ever. I never worry about you when I'm gone.”
“As though that were the only thing keeping me faithful? The fuck, Taehyung? What's keeping you faithful, then?”
“No, I'm just saying that it's easier to not be tempted. If you don't miss it--”
“But I miss you! I miss touching you and holding your hand. I miss holding you and I miss kissing you and every time you bite your lip on camera I hate it because that's my job, dammit.”
“...I didn’t know that.”
“You thought that I just, what? Stopped thinking about you when you were touring? Out of sight, out of mind? ”
“No, but you always say that you don’t ever get, you know, hungry, so I just assumed that meant that you weren’t missing me like I miss you.”
“It’s not the same. I don’t… I miss you. I miss kissing you and being near you and the smell of you and the feel of your stupidly gorgeous skin and your perfect goddamn mouth, but I don’t… I don’t have a physical reaction. It’s all emotional. Unless you’re actually here with your perfect mouth, it’s just in my head.”
“I’m okay with that.”
“How can you be okay with that? Why aren’t you angry that I don’t want you like you want me?”
“Because you’re always willing when I’m here. You’re so selfless. You are always putting me first, trying to make me happy, take care of me, even if you don’t feel like it. It’s how I know you love me. I’m always afraid I’m taking advantage of you, or pushing you to do things you don’t like because I’m greedy and selfish. I want all of you, all the time, but you… you just give me all the things I want and it’s almost scary how much trust you put in me.”
“You make me sound like some sort of martyr. It’s easy to take care of you because you’re not around that often. I get to be selfish and put myself first most of the time.”
“That's still special! Not everyone is willing to do that!”
“Sure they are. It's just part of being in a relationship.”
“No, it's part of being in a healthy relationship. So many people don't know that. You don't even realize how amazing you are.”
“I'm worried your expectations are painfully low.”
“Either way, I think you're wonderful.”
---
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because my company just issued a statement denying the existence of our relationship and that seems like the kind of thing that might be upsetting to you?”
“It was just a blanket statement about everyone. Hobi’s the one who got caught dancing with a girl and the tabloids took it too far, like they do. It’s not as though they specifically said you and I weren’t dating, so…”
“But you know they would if anyone ever suspected, right?”
“Yes. And that would suck. A lot, but it’s what’s best for you. I knew that long before we started this thing, so I don’t really have any room to complain.”
“But you want to, don’t you?”
“Yeah. A lot. I want to whine and throw a fit and bitch about how hard it is to not talk about my secret boyfriend because he’s famous.”
“You should get a stunt boyfriend. Find some nice boy to take to parties and things so no one will hit on you.”
“No one is hitting on me at parties, Tae. I’m like a giant here.”
“You’re only one centimeter taller than me, and I’m going to catch up.”
“That still puts me 10 centimeters taller than the average girl at these parties, so don’t worry. I’m fine.”
“Really? Because it kind of sucks.”
“A lot.”
---
“Your mom is really nice.”
“Thanks. She thinks you’re very polite.”
“That’s a relief. I was afraid I was going to violate at least fifty customs I don’t know anything about.”
“Well, other than being too tall, my grandma thinks you’re pretty great too.”
“I guess you should wear heels more often then.”
“Hey!”
“It’s the only logical answer. I mean, I’m not getting any shorter.”
“But I might keep getting taller.”
“You might. Eat more vegetables.”
“There’s plenty of vegetables in japchae.”
“I only wish I could eat the way you do and look half as good as you do.”
“You do.”
“What?”
“You look good. Better than half as good as me.”
“That’s quite the compliment.”
“You started it.”
“You’re right. Thank you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”