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Chapter Text

Arthur Pendragon had always assumed that the most awkward of moments, the kind of awkward that made your spine tingle and caused sweat to form in places you didn’t know could sweat, would’ve been the moment he asked his consort to come to the marketplace with him. Somebody asking for a date was often accompanied by the fear of rejection, failure, and that intense swooping sensation that said you were about to be laughed at. Arthur had experienced all of those things when he had asked out Merlin, even when Merlin had been oblivious to the real truth of what they were doing, but now? Now, Arthur knew there was a feeling so much worse than anything Merlin could’ve ever gotten him to feel.

The disgruntled stare of his husband’s only parental figure…

Arthur shifted around in his chair; his arse was feeling numb because of how long they’d been sitting there, staring at each other from across the table. He really had come here with good intentions; he had even rehearsed what he was going to say the entire way here. But words often had a habit of failing him just after he came face to face with the one he needed to impress the most. Arthur had tried several times to get the conversation started, but every time he had, it had either been stifled or sounds that weren’t actually real words would escaped him. He kept glancing around the home in order to distract himself as the physician eyed him darkly; he had made a sort of game up while he’d been sitting here, which was basically him just trying to find any item that belonged to Merlin. But as far as Arthur was able to see, he was losing the game since it was near impossible. Merlin didn’t seem to have anything that said, ‘Hey, this is actually where I live’… The only good thing about any of this was that Merlin did not seem to be home. Though that also brought up the questions on where the consort was right now…he really hoped Knight Tristian was making sure Merlin didn’t go wandering behind the gates again. The greatest end to a horrible day would be reading reports on how his consort had gotten maimed because he hadn’t stayed in the village like he was supposed to.

“You know, you’ve done nothing since you’ve interrupted my work by showing up here, other than sit there and fail to speak to me. And yet, you were the one that insisted this couldn’t wait until a more convenient time for me.” Gaius said to break the silence; Arthur nearly jumped straight out of his chair, wincing as he knew Gaius wasn’t wrong. Gaius had tried sending him away when he first knocked on the door, but Arthur had insisted it couldn’t wait…Arthur truly did not think he would be able to gather enough guts to face Gaius after all that he had done if he had left. And he truly believed Gaius would probably continue to make excuses as to not see him, putting off the conversation the two should have probably had weeks ago. But though Gaius had reluctantly allowed him in his home, the physician had made Arthur’s time as unpleasant as he could’ve made it without noticeable offense. The man hadn’t even offered Arthur a cup of tea, the very least a noble could do when entertaining a guest, but he didn’t dare bring up such a trivial thing. A cup of tea would only give Arthur another thing to play with that would only delay this conversation. “I suggest we simply call an end to whatever you were expecting when you came here today. I do believe that you can show your way out the door without assistance.”

That was another noticeable offense, but one that was small enough that it’d be petty for Arthur to even think about it. Nobles were meant to say goodbye at the door, see off their noble guest, and wish them safe travels on their way home… Arthur wasn’t going to get any of that. And he didn’t even care, as his throat swelled with panic when he saw Gaius pushing himself away from their table and standing up. He was truly intending to leave Arthur here, sulking in his own failures, while he returned to whatever potion brewing he had been in the midst of when Arthur had arrived. But no, Arthur couldn’t allow Gaius to go without hearing him out. Arthur couldn’t allow him to go without saying what it was that had been stressing him out so badly. Gaius would never agree to take a moment and sit down with him again if he allowed him to leave now.

“Wait!” Arthur blurted out loudly; the bench he had been sitting on made this very loud screech across the floor as he pushed it back so he could rise to his feet just as Gaius had done. His hands slammed down on the table, and Gaius pursed his lips in agitation, but Arthur didn’t care. He had already humiliated himself just by coming here, expecting Gaius to help him make sense of how he was meant to soften up Merlin towards him. He might as well go all the way before he lost his nerve once again. “Please, don’t go yet. I know that this is a very…unconventional way of doing things! But my marriage to Merlin has been nothing but unconventional since the start. I just believe that it’s finally time for…you and me to talk properly. I mean, I know my father and you should’ve talked before our wedding, but since we are doing things backwards…I’m here. And we can finally discuss the…expectations between my family and yours.”

In retrospect, this was exactly NOT what Arthur had been planning to say to the older man. Asking for advice and what the expectations between the two families were were two completely different matters and reasons. Usually, his father really would’ve sat with Gaius before the marriage was official and discussed these kinds of things. What each family was bringing into the marriage and what they could do for each other now that there was a union between the two. Arthur and Merlin would’ve had nothing to do with it, deemed as ‘children’ despite their age, and unwelcome in the negotiations. But considering nobody had known Gaius was Merlin’s relative and Merlin was thought to be in the city alone, the step had been completely skipped over. But now that they’d gotten married, Arthur was confident enough to fix this by having it done himself…but mostly because it at least got Gaius to sit back down. If Arthur had just come out and asked Gaius for his advice, since his father’s had never worked, he would have probably ended up out the door with a shoe print on his arse after Gaius had literally kicked him out and slammed the door in his face. No. This needed him to handle it more…diplomatically. Start with the lesser evil before working his way to the real reason for his visit…god. He must really be desperate if he was coming to the uncle of the man he brutalized for help in gaining forgiveness.

“I do believe that those kinds of talks are long since past us, Arthur. You have already demonstrated your unwillingness to learn how to work together or the strength to put aside whatever strife you have against my nephew for any kind of talk to succeed. And you forget, Arthur. Those kinds of talks are meant only when two families decide to unite their offspring. Merlin is not my son; I wasn’t a part of this decision to wed the two of you nearly twenty years ago. I already know too much to accept anything from your family when it’s basically going to amount to me selling out my nephew to you in order to get it.” Gaius spoke firmly, cold and harsh; Arthur nearly shrank down in his chair. Almost wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole…He must REALLY be that kind of desperate in order to come here, out of all places. “Besides, such stiffness regarding…the way things have always been done is hardly one that I’d want to pass down to my nephew. I believe he should be allowed to choose what is and is not acceptable. Though he’s come this far without a husband helping hold him up. I hardly see how Merlin could benefit from my agreeing to anything with his behalf in mind.”

Arthur just knew that he looked as if he had swallowed a lemon, the lines of his mouth going tight and taut. He really hoped Gaius wouldn’t try and get Merlin here; just the mere thought of sitting across from Merlin after their disastrous ‘first date’ was enough to make his head spin again. Gaius was entirely out of line suggesting Merlin have any say in these matters, since these matters had always been decided by people who knew what they were doing. Not by those who were only meant to show up and do what they were told. But then again…it was no more out of line than Arthur showing up here at all had been. Though it was baffling…how easily Gaius would dismiss tradition and how things were always done in order to give his nephew the freedom of choice that had been denied to him always. The freedom to decide what their marriage would entail and what would be included in it. Arthur would, obviously, give Merlin the gold of the treasury, the thousands of priceless artifacts inside, access to the men who guarded their kingdom, private tutors, a crown, and a leadership…all of the things that would’ve naturally been given to any consort of the prince. And as for Arthur…he would have Gaius’ continued service as their medic and…he was going to get to keep Merlin’s company. It was the bare minimum of what Merlin would be able to give him considering his lifestyle up until now, but…company didn’t sound like such a bad thing. Not when it might give Arthur a real chance to melt the frostiness Merlin had towards him.

“I know that things have been…wrong between our families for many of these last few weeks. Perhaps even longer—“ Arthur tried to word himself carefully…so achingly careful that it almost didn’t feel like himself, just so he wouldn’t cause the older man anymore offense. Gaius snorted in response, something that was entirely peasant and not at all like the noble Arthur had thought him to be…Perhaps Merlin rubbed off on Gaius just as he rubbed off on Arthur? It didn’t matter. They were both here, both affected by the same boy. And they simply needed to come to…an understanding. Arthur was going to get a real bloody understanding even if it bloody well killed him. He didn’t exactly force himself into these awkward situations for just anybody. But bloody Merlin had to be that one bloody exception. “I simply mean there are several things that the Pendragons can do in order to make you and yours more comfortable with the arrangement we have all found ourselves in. Maybe you would like to have more gold placed in your monthly salary? Maybe better equipment, the latest or newest technological advances, could be yours? Or if you would like to talk about Merlin personally, we can dive into that. Maybe…Merlin’s dowry or even suggestions for what would…settle Merlin easier into his life here. I am open to any and all suggestions that might lead to…mending the bridge that’s formed between our families.”

All of this almost felt like a loaded statement to Arthur…it was the closest thing he could say that was just skirting on the edge of ‘asking advice,’ but it wasn’t anything substantial. Yes, Arthur would gladly pay out of pocket to have all of the latest medical achievements shipped to Gaius if he wished it, but that was a poor suggestion considering Gaius already had that option. His position as a royal physician granted him access to these items if he wanted. And if he was anything like his nephew, then Arthur could expect to have something flung at his head for the mere suggestion of basically ‘buying Gaius’ his compliance towards Merlin’s treatment. And the only reason Arthur had mentioned Merlin’s dowry was just so he could sound like a good guy by saying Merlin didn’t need to bring him a dowry at all. Such things were meant for brides to give to their husbands when they married, usually gold paid from the family to help ease the husband into taking care of another mouth in his household. Makes the whole transition easier for everybody when money isn’t concerned. But of course, Merlin hasn’t arrived with anything, and only far lower noble families actually need to worry about being unable to take in the bride-to-be. But what Arthur really needed was…Gaius’ insight on ‘how’ he could be helping Merlin settle down here. Help him settle down with Arthur, since Merlin was an impenetrable wall that refused to give him anything! 

“The only conversation I wish to have comes with the day I realize my nephew is no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop when it comes to you. The day I realize my nephew is happy in a way that you failed to make him.” Gaius spoke, no less harsh in his delivery than he had been before. Arthur brought down his hands to his knees, squeezing the flesh hard in order to contain himself…There was no doubt this had been a terrible idea. But Arthur had already known that it would be long before he ever knocked on this man’s door. “The one and only ‘expectation’ I have for you is one you have already failed. I doubt my nephew is going to ‘settle into’ his place here when he’s constantly still waiting for you to jump him and beat him senseless for faults that are entirely your own.”

Arthur had always admired the way Gaius had never sugarcoated the truth of the matter when it came to him, always said things rather than made him feel like total shit or not. But this was probably the first time Gaius had purposely shamed the prince for his past actions…It was almost more painful than when Gaius had been yelling at him after Merlin had been poisoned. Arthur’s fingers trembled around his knees…Merlin wasn’t honestly waiting for Arthur to start beating him up again…was he? If one wanted to get technical, Arthur had not ‘ever’ beaten Merlin up, but…slapping Merlin probably more than qualified in the eyes of this family. And considering Merlin kept yelling at him every time he approached…Maybe Merlin really was waiting for Arthur to react against him violently. Maybe this was all Merlin’s attempt to keep the distance firmly between them, not allowing Arthur an inch because he feared Arthur would go swallowing all the inches he was given whole. Maybe even having this kind of distance between them was a good thing; it meant Arthur himself wouldn’t grow frustrated with his lack of progress and lash out without thinking of the consequences of doing such. It would keep Merlin safer, staying away from him…Arthur had no desire to hurt him, but could he trust that would always be the case? Arthur was selfish for continuing to try, but damn it…what else was he supposed to do?

“I have…apologized to your nephew many times. Sir Physician, and it has gotten me nowhere. And I will continue to apologize for any offense I have caused to you and yours these last few months until your nephew opens his heart wide enough to allow him to know my honest guilt is true.” Arthur spoke, his tone formal and strong…like a prince, but not altogether like Arthur, but then he bowed his head down low. Showing Gaius the vulnerable nape of his neck, the top of his forehead almost pressed against the tabletop. He knew, at any second, he could have a fork or scalpel or weapon of any kind, sticking him directly in the neck and coming out through his throat. Leaving him gurgling on his blood as he slowly choked to death by drowning in it…he still didn’t move away. Merlin would continue to deny Arthur’s sincerity whenever he apologized, but Gaius knew the significance that was Arthur putting his life in another man’s very hands. “I will humbly ask that you accept my apologies and trust that this is me trying to do whatever I can to make the reparations for the pain that I know I have caused.”

This was probably the most sincere of apologies he had made… His apologies to Merlin have always been tinged with desperation. And it was really no actual wonder why Merlin refused to accept them. He probably thought Arthur would only go far enough to apologize because it had been commanded of him, or if Arthur was trying to smooth things over so he didn’t feel the full effect of what he had done. But, God, was Arthur feeling the full effect. Every single day, it felt as if Arthur was being ripped apart in a thousand different directions, while his guts might as well be spewed all across the ground in nasty chunks. He really could apologize to both Merlin and Gaius a thousand times each, but it looked as if neither was willing to budge and allow Arthur a second chance to do all of this the right way. But the clean slate he had been trying to get with Merlin did not feel as if it would ever happen…Arthur had literally fallen to his knees right before the consort and still hadn’t gotten a reaction from him. This seemed as if it was Arthur’s purgatory, a hellscape dimension where he continued failing to change anything.

“I do hope you understand, if you have apologized to Merlin and he’s turned it down, that I am surely not going to go against him and invite you back into our lives. Especially not when our lives have been so…peaceful, without you in the picture.” Gaius said bluntly, and Arthur nodded his head, hair falling limply and lackluster in his eyes. He wasn’t surprised; he would expect nothing less from a man whose only goal in life was to protect his nephew. Arthur only hated this because it was ‘him’ Gaius was protecting his nephew from. Arthur was a large threat to them both, somebody they kept at arm’s length distance…Arthur was simply reaping what he sowed. It didn’t make him feel the least bit better with it all, though. “And as I have already seen fit to inform your father, I fear I also do need to warn you of the consequences of what happens should there ever come a day in which I discover you dared to come here and speak of apologies right to my face, only for Merlin to return home sprouting more bruises due to that infamous temper of yours.”

Infamous temper of yours…Was that really what they were going to call it? The way he had brutalized Merlin? Left marks on fair skin that was not supposed to be marked up. It didn’t seem like a big or serious enough word to properly explain to anybody just how badly Arthur had treated his consort. And yet…it was able to somehow explain things perfectly. Arthur had acted out with his anger and his ignorance and justified it because he didn’t want to look in the mirror and see what he knew he was going to see…a monster. But there was no justification for the way he acted, no reason that would’ve given him a right to hurt Merlin like he had. Or for why he continued hurting him just by trying to talk to him. There was only Arthur, who wished he was a better man who could let Merlin go so it would be impossible to hurt him ever again. But Arthur was selfish, and he was entitled… He didn’t know if he could ever leave Merlin alone…

“If you touch one hair on my nephew’s head, then I will be forced to leave from the city. And go somewhere where neither you nor your father would ever find either of us again.”

Arthur’s entire world seemed to shrink down on him in a second, closing in on him so tightly that it felt like walls were trying to close in on him…this was why he was a selfish man. He should’ve been prepared to help Gaius make some kind of escape outside the walls, put them both up in some kind of estate that Arthur would never be able to travel to because he wouldn’t be able to leave the kingdom for such an amount of time. And yet…Arthur’s first thought had been…Gaius wanted to take Merlin away from him. As if Arthur had any right to argue against the dedication the man was showing to his own family. If he had been told this by anybody else, Arthur probably would have slit their throat in a moment’s notice, refusing to live in a world in which his consort could just go disappearing on him in a second. But this wasn’t anybody else, and Arthur was forced to swallow his pride back. 

His pride had been exactly what had gotten him into this mess, his refusal to try and see the bigger picture. And if the bigger picture was himself…if Gaius thought he was going to continue being a threat, then he would’ve had every reason in the world to leave and take Merlin far from here. It didn’t feel right to try arguing with the man; it wasn’t like Arthur deserved any say in what would happen to his consort in the coming days. Arthur could try including himself in everything that concerned Merlin, and yet, at the end of the day…the man had no real power over Merlin anymore. That’s what happens to somebody who’s been grossly negligent and neglected their responsibilities…they lose the one thing that might actually be the most important thing at all. Maybe people do know what they are saying when they say…you don’t know what you truly have until after it’s gone… Arthur pressed a hand to his jacket pocket in order to feel for the lump of the object he had brought with him. 

Perhaps now was the proper time to give it to him, or perhaps Arthur just had to give it to him now. Unload it off of himself. Pass it over to somebody who’d be able to use it far more than when it had been sitting in the royal treasury for the better part of the decade. When Arthur, with all of his riches and his power and his skills, was unable to offer Gaius and Merlin anything he felt would have been truly substantial, this was the only thing that felt like it might actually be worth mentioning to Gaius. Anything else Arthur could’ve brought with him… it was very likely anything else would’ve gotten thrown in the trash. Or thrown at his head…Merlin did have a penchant for doing such things, and it wouldn’t be all that surprising if he inherited such habits from Gaius. Though it was almost entirely possible that Merlin had simply developed the habit on his own…But if Merlin wanted to throw all manner of items at his skull… Arthur might’ve been inclined to allow it without a fuss.

“I hope that you understand that this isn’t a…bribe, or me trying to buy my way into the good graces of your family. It’s simply a gift to thank you for allowing me to have some of your time when I do not deserve it.” Said Arthur, and he set the item carefully down on the table between them… It was sturdier than it may look, but Arthur still treated it as if it was made out of porcelain glass. Keeping an eye on Gaius’ blank expression as he picked up the item, running his thumb across the thick lines and metal structure. “I understand that your family does not have a proper sigil, not a tangible one in which you can hold, since the one your family produced was lost during the raid on your home generations ago. It is not an exact match, of course, and I completely understand if you believe that it is insulting to be given a poor copy of the original. But it’s the closest thing I was able to find. I hope that you will accept this, even if you won’t accept any of my apologies.”

Arthur had read all about the raid that had happened on Gaius’ home when he was only a small child at the time, sanctioned by the king of that era…Arthur’s grandfather. According to the reports, Gaius’ parents were said to be running an illegal sale of some kind…taking stolen goods and fetching an admirable price for the item, which was how they amassed the riches they had. It had been later proven as a falsehood, only stories told by a greedy neighbor who hadn’t liked their rise to proper nobility. But after all was said and done, the mother of Gaius had reported her noble sigil had been taken as evidence during the raid…It had never been returned. To this day, it’s believed that one of the knights of that era had taken it for himself; perhaps he had even sold it for a good price at the market. Because after a thoroughly done inventory search, it was deemed not to be in the room where they kept all the things taken from the home to be researched and properly identified to see if it really had been stolen. Though Arthur didn’t even know if Gaius could remember what the seal was meant to look like, he had been young enough to probably not even remember how the actual raid had gone…

…Perhaps there was one good thing about his father making him read all of the paperwork they had on Gaius, if he could give the man a bit of his home back.

“Hmmm…I suppose I could always show this to Merlin. He might actually enjoy having such a thing if I claim it as a family heirloom.” Gaius said, voice being as bland as ever, not showing whether or not he actually approved of the prince’s gift or was merely accepting it because he had no reason not to. The nobility sigil was completely metal plated, and the main image seemed to look like this bird. With its metal wings spread open as if it was about ready to take off into the sky and embrace the freedom that nature had given it, the bird could have easily been mistaken for an eagle. In fact, Arthur was almost positive that it was an eagle. But…he preferred to think of it as something else. There had been a real reason he had chosen it…almost like fate. If he squinted and turned aside his head…he could almost pretend it was a merlin bird. Perfect for the Merlin person to enjoy…his first family heirloom. Arthur wished he could see his face when Gaius showed it to him, and if he was going to turn his nose up at it the second he realized Arthur had been the one to bring it. “I do find it interesting, though, that you have apparently spent all this time looking for a near replica of my old family crest when there are better things you could’ve been doing with your time. Though I suppose I should be grateful. At least you were not trying to force my nephew to kiss you once again.”

Gaius casually set the sigil back down on the table, seemingly unaware of the entire world crashing down onto Arthur. The silence stretched on for what may have been ages, and Arthur’s skin turned pale and clammy, with only a single thought in his head…Merlin must’ve told him. Merlin must’ve told Gaius that the two of them had kissed, or a better way to put it…how Arthur had forced Merlin into kissing him. This had been the very last thing Arthur had expected to be revealed to him today, and he almost didn’t know how to react. His body felt as if it had been replaced by stone, his heart dropping straight into the pit of his feet, and his brain racing in a mad panic. If Arthur had been standing up, he may have tried making a run for it, unable to take the idea of somebody that would look at him and ‘know’ what he had done. It was one thing for people to naturally assume he and Merlin slept together; they were husbands after all, so it was expected. But this was different; Arthur had actually ‘done it.’. He’d gone and pressed his lips against Merlin, had licked his way into his mouth in a way that couldn’t be taken back or ignored. Had taken pleasure out from the way his lips tasted. And somebody else knew about it…his worst nightmare coming to life right before his very eyes.

“I…it was a mistake.”

Arthur choked this out, his words coming out half gurgled and desperate to be believed. He wanted to come up with some excuse…something stupid like he’d tripped and landed on Merlin’s lips. Or something moronic like…Merlin was the one that had forced him into such a lewd act. And God…had it been lewd. The spit and saliva shared between them, combining their tastes into one taste he knew couldn’t be forgotten. God, what did Gaius see when he looked down his nose at Arthur now? Did he see how ‘gay’ Arthur had been acting…did he also see how absolutely deviant Arthur had been behaving that night? Like he was the devil, come to claim an angel that he should’ve never touched. Did Gaius look down at Arthur now because he saw a man who would dare touch lips to that of another man’s…did he lose any respect he might’ve had for Arthur now that he knew how…wrong…he was? Arthur couldn’t imagine anybody looking at him, knowing what he had done, and would still follow behind him. A real man would only do such things with a woman. A real man wouldn’t have gone and allowed another to tempt him into such things. A real man…would have been far stronger than Arthur when faced with the boy. And what kind of man could Arthur really be…thinking about Merlin the way he did?

“It was a horrible, terrible, awful mistake, and…”

Arthur didn’t think he could bear going on; his hands were under the table, but they shook violently, trembling far worse than they had been earlier. As if there wasn’t a part of his body that was his to actually control. God, how he wished he could lie and erase the whole thing from memory. Wished he could go and wring his consort’s neck for sharing their private adult business with his uncle… It was like talking to his father about sex. It just wasn’t something that should be done. Any child in the world knew not to talk to their parents about all these awkward moments when they started exploring the sensual side of themselves… and then Arthur would think about the scars on Merlin. And how identical ones might be left behind on Merlin’s neck after Arthur finished with him, and he felt like he wanted to be sick all over again. But a man’s worth was tied into the kind of company that they kept, and what would people think if this got out and they learned how Arthur hadn’t been able to control himself that night? How he had absolutely lost it and committed one of the worst travesties in his relationship with Merlin. Hell, the kiss, as sweetly coated as it had been, could actually end up ranked with Arthur slapping Merlin and Arthur being the reason for all those scars on Merlin. His top three worst mistakes pertaining to Merlin…

“Ah, I see. Kissing my nephew was nothing more than a…mistake to you?” The aged physician questioned, his tone just on the wrong side of calm... it made a horrid shiver roll down Arthur’s spine. Arthur was very much reminded of when a father would chase a boy down the street with a club or a sword after finding him very much in their daughter’s bedroom. Arthur was so worried and very much desperate to make Gaius understand how wrong he had been that he hadn’t taken into account what it had sounded like. As if Arthur had simply been using Merlin for…fun—he felt sick again—before deciding he was done with him completely. Like a man who slept with women, claiming they were in love and then pretending they didn’t exist after they got what they wanted. But Merlin wasn’t a woman…though that hardly seemed to matter to his overprotective relative. “I’m sure when you hit him across the face, that was also nothing but a…mistake. Just like all the times you humiliated him were nothing but you just making more…mistakes. Tell me, Arthur, when are these mistakes going to come to an end? Or are you really so incompetent that you are unable to stop this whole hurting people thing because you believe they are beneath you?”

Arthur honestly had no bloody clue how things had taken such a serious turn in topic, but Gaius throwing his past mistakes back in his face like he had was enough to make Arthur realize what terrible…shit…he had gotten himself into this time. He needed to fix this NOW before this entire mission of his ended up lost. Perhaps it was already lost when Arthur had knocked on the door. Or he’d lost Gaius completely when he tried making some half-arsed excuse about the kiss. Hives and goosebumps seemed to break out beneath his skin as he was forced to realize…this wasn’t just going to be swept under the rug. As far as Gaius was concerned, Arthur had assaulted his nephew in a way that was far worse than the slap had been. It might’ve been just a kiss, but this could also be considered…sexual assault. Arthur had already panicked about this not so long ago, wondering if he had sexually assaulted Merlin by doing what he had done to his leg beneath the table during the banquet. But there was not a single question about this one… Arthur could deny it all he wanted. But there’d definitely been a sexual…charge…of sorts in the air that day.

“No, no, no. Of course not. Of course I don’t believe that Merlin is beneath me or anything of the sort—“ Arthur cut himself off abruptly as he realized he was two seconds away from diving into rambles that wouldn’t make any sense. And he had almost been two seconds away from making excuses…a prince wasn’t allowed to make excuses for his actions. A prince owned up to what he did and saw fit to correct it…Arthur forced a steadying breath from his mouth, making his fingers go tight around his knees in order to stop their shaking. And Arthur started all over again, “I know that I have…dishonored Merlin when I did that to him. I dishonored us both by the actions I took that day. I can try saying that I was simply in a bad place and acting out, but I was in a bad place for a really long time before even that. In fact, I sometimes think I still am. But again, that is no excuse for what I did. And as a way to show you I am telling you the honest truth…because I don’t want to…hurt Merlin anymore…I will admit to you that I came here with ulterior motives. Discussing our families and what each of us could bring into this marriage was not what I came all the way here for. I just feared how you would react if I just came right out and asked you this.”

Arthur’s expression was entirely blank, princely, but it was betrayed with the speeding of his heart trying to thunk its way out of his chest. Gaius didn’t do anything more than arch an eyebrow at him, the sigil continuing to go along untouched between them, and Arthur feared Gaius had already known he hadn’t come here for that. Or at least heavily suspected…Breathe, he needed to remind himself. Just keep breathing, looking ahead, and like his father had always said…good things happened to men who made it happen. If anything is going to break the stalemate between him and Merlin, it would be the one man in all the kingdom that knew Merlin better than anybody else. Better than even Arthur himself…

“Now, I fully understand how…improper it is of me to ask you this question, Sir Gaius. Given the circumstances of my relationship with Merlin. But I fear that I have no other choice; I have drawn a blank on what I should do next, and I feel that only you might help me out of my predicament.” Arthur continued, trying to sound as dignified as he could, talking with courtesy to the man who might be doing him a world of good. Somebody that could get him out of the rut that he had fallen into with Merlin. He simply hoped Gaius wouldn’t act as badly as he was imagining it…Coming after Arthur with a frying pan flung at the back of his head seemed to be the most common idea. “…I was hoping you could give me some kind of…advice…on what I could do with Merlin. I wish to speak with him properly. But nothing that I have tried worked. My father has made many suggestions, but while he is a good king, I fear there is very little that he could do to help me with Merlin. Which is why I have come to you in my time of need, please…help me make things right with Merlin. Help me do something that will not result in him yelling at me.”

Arthur didn’t dare move his eyes away from Gaius’ own, leaning onto the table as far as he could without actually being on top of it, trying to invest every bit of sincerity that he could into his voice. Impressing on Gaius the seriousness of what he was asking…how serious he was about this…this could’ve been his dying wish for all he knew! Except he wasn’t, you know…dying. But that didn’t matter. All he needed was for Gaius to know he was willing to do anything and everything, to go above and beyond…move heaven and earth he would, if that got him even an inch of Merlin’s time. And he was almost positive, as the older physician didn’t move a muscle for the longest time, that Gaius was just about to impart some wise pearls of wisdom onto him. He probably only needed one moment to adjust to the situation accordingly, think about something he knew would make Merlin happy, and decide whether or not this information would be worth giving to Arthur. He HAD TO. There was thrumming in Arthur’s blood, a drive that told him this was the way…and all he needed to do was pretend the other man didn’t know Arthur’s darkest secret. He was sure he would end up saying something else colossally wrong if he allowed himself to spiral over that whole thing. If he allowed himself to think too much on it again. If Gaius even breathed one word of it to anybody else…he really would end up having this as his dying wish.
 
“…Do you really think I’m going to help you win points on my nephew? Because you came here practically crawling to me for answers…If Merlin’s been yelling at you again, then I wholly agree with what he’s doing. It’s about time that he decided not to put up with you any longer.” Gaius said, almost brimming with a laughter that felt unreal to Arthur’s ears. He knew it had been a long shot, but it stunned him how callous Gaius sounded about his situation. Gaius had been a no-nonsense fella since before Arthur could remember, but he had never sounded downright mean. Gaius had basically been his last hope; he’d been practically banking on Gaius somehow being able to fix this. Despite the whole situation, Arthur had still clung onto some half-hearted hope that Gaius would still be his saving grace. Like he had been so many times before Merlin took a step into their lives. But the winds have shifted, and with it has gone the one loyalty he had always thought he could count on, ripped to shreds before his very eyes. “In fact, I’m almost eager to see what Merlin might do to you if he did happen to catch you here, begging for my help to capture all his attention, when you simply need to leave him alone.”

Arthur’s lower lip trembled with barely suppressed frustration; did Gaius think he hadn’t tried leaving him alone? Did Gaius think he liked feeling like a fool, who is constantly chasing after somebody Arthur probably really should just leave alone? The weeks his father had sequestered him in his rooms to study about this family were almost a godsend at some points, knowing he could only resist tracking Merlin down when he had no choice. Look at him now! All the choices in the world, and this was where he decided to end up. Sitting at Gaius’s own table, begging as if he were some kind of pauper, and Gaius thought this whole thing was…funny. It wasn’t funny. Arthur had never been so stressed in all his life. Not when he first took charge of the knights, nor when he first started to join the men in their raids or missions, nor when he first heard Merlin’s name, nor when he first married him either. No…THIS was stress. This unsettling nausea told him every step he made was just going to put him deeper in hot water than he already was. And one step too far would leave him burned to a crisp…but…Merlin. If he abandoned this now, Merlin might as well be lost to him. And Merlin was the only person Arthur would go to such lengths for…even with their complicated pasts telling him he should just cut his losses and move on.

“Gaius…I’m sure by now you can deduce how…serious I am being here. I don’t like calling it ‘begging,’ but you and I both know that this is exactly what I will be doing.” Arthur tried again…Just how far gone was he for Merlin, in which he wanted Gaius to not be disgusted by him? Gaius was important to Merlin, so it stood to reason that Arthur needed to ‘stay’ on Gaius’ good side. Even if this made him almost feel like a whore, willing to proposition himself to get what he needed. “I cannot stand idly by and…leave him alone when he is hating me so damn much. I can’t pretend that nothing happened; I have to make things right between us. And I need you to…show me how to get through to him. Show him that I’m…not the same guy that hurt him, that pushed him around, that…kissed him when he didn’t want to be kissed. I need to show him things are going to be different if he only gives me the chance.”

This was probably the first time Arthur had ever said those words out loud…he kissed Merlin. Sure, he’d thought over it thousands of times before. Had only briefly talked about it with Merlin, though those talks had also never ended up in his favor. But Merlin had actually been included in it; he could hardly avoid talking with Merlin about it. Gaius, though… He was an outsider; he hadn’t even known about it. Which might also bring up the question…who else had Merlin been blabbering about the kiss to? Did Morgana and Gwen also know his shameful secret…? No matter. Not right now at least. Not when he was only mentioning it to Gaius NOW, after his near freak-out, to try and prove that he wasn’t going to run away from this. If he was going to run away, it would have been long before the kiss had even been mentioned. He just needed to…keep pulling himself together for as long as he could, fake it till he made it, and all of that crap.

“Why?” Gaius asked bluntly, a near scoff to his words, and Arthur straightened up to look at Gaius with a frown…Why, what? Why was he doing this? Did Gaius not hear him confess how much he hated Merlin’s hatred towards him? Did the older man not understand Arthur’s heartfelt plea for help? But Arthur found he didn’t need to actually ask, not when Gaius seemed to notice his confusion, so he answered his unasked question more clearly, “Why do you need to show Merlin anything? Really? You say you’ve changed and things are going to be different, but honestly… It’s been a month since Merlin’s incident with the poison. Do you really think that you’ve changed in a month’s time? And you think what? Merlin should be ready to forgive and forget everything that you’ve done because you have decided to have a change of heart. Why? Just so he can let you off of the hook? Let you off easy? Pretend as if he didn’t almost die because of you and your gross negligence to figure out the situation.”

Arthur studied Gaius with a fine-tooth comb, his gaze wavering as he saw the tenseness in his posture and the coldness in his eyes… He knew before he had even admitted it that this wasn’t going to work out. And he could see now that he had been right in his assessment…nothing Arthur said was going to get this man to help him. Nothing Arthur offered or sacrificed or changed was going to give him Gaius’ blessings and advice. He was just as he had been before he’d knocked on that door…entirely alone with this. He would face Merlin again on his own. He would be yelled at in the face by Merlin, all on his own. He would retire to his room, beaten down and broken and entirely alone…But all of this is the bed Arthur had made for himself. And it was his job to lie down inside of it and suffer the consequences of his own actions.

“I can see my coming here was nothing more than a mistake. I apologize if I’ve wasted too much of your time. It shan’t happen again, Sir Gaius.” Arthur spoke in a stiff tone, pushing himself away from the table and standing up. He knew very well that they were done here, which meant there was no actual reason to stay. Not if he was only going to be forced to listen to Gaius question what his intentions were. Arthur knew very well that it’s only been a month, but…a lot of things could happen in a month. And Arthur’s attitude seemed to be one of the things to go, or at least he hoped it was gone. He sometimes felt it lingering in the pits of his core, and he feared the day he might fall back into old habits and lash out uncontrollably…He never was able to keep a tight lid on his emotions when it concerned Merlin. But he would keep a tight lid on it for as long as he was able to…even if it destroyed him. Which was only further proof that he’d changed, despite Gaius refusing to believe it. Arthur had never been willing to hold back in front of Merlin before. “I hope that you find it in yourself to ignore all of the disruption my visit may have caused, and I will see my way out. I suspect I will not return, and I promise that our conversation won’t be revisited down the line. I respect the line that you have drawn in your loyalties between me and Merlin. I’m only sorry things didn’t turn out as I hoped they would.”

In a far more perfect world, the one Arthur spent most of his time wishing that he lived in, Gaius would’ve been pleased with Arthur taking the initiative to do things right. Perhaps he would’ve gotten all weepy; maybe he would’ve even tried to hug Arthur before welcoming him into the family, needless to say whether or not his nephew would agree with that sentiment. And Arthur would have been so grateful; he and Gaius could’ve spent the next several hours going over the different plans or strategies that were designed to win Merlin over. But this was no perfect world, and as Gaius had said…Arthur should be stuck reaping the consequences of his mistakes. Instead of trying to figure out a way that would make Merlin forget everything else…Arthur was almost to the door when Gaius called out for him.

“Perhaps, now that I’m thinking about it, I do believe there might be something that you can do for my family and me. It won’t smooth anything over with Merlin…I doubt you will even get a thank you out of it. Not from Merlin, and you will not be getting one from me. But considering the…dishonor that you’ve shown, I believe this one request will hardly cost you a thing. In either time or money, if compared to Merlin’s wasted time.” Gaius drawled out, and Arthur’s heart was diving upwards into his throat as he spun around to face him…Gaius had yet to budge from where he had sat at the table; the noble crest continued remaining untouched in front of him… Arthur honestly didn’t care what the request was. It didn’t matter if it would be hard work or no work at all; it mattered not if Merlin cared for it or not… Gaius had asked him to do something. And as Gaius was an…uncle-in-law? To him, it was practically his duty to do what was asked of him. “…I want you to have Knight Bryon and Knight Julian arrested for crimes going against the royal family.”

For an entire minute, or five, Arthur’s mind went blissfully silent. Pure silence that could lull a man into a restful sleep, enjoying the peace after so much of the turmoil he had been dealing with. Arthur was almost positive that he had heard the other man wrong…he wanted him to arrest Bryon and Julian? Those men were good friends to him…well…kind of. He was on a first-name basis with them both, and they usually hung around him when he was finding the time to spend with his friend Markus. But they were also more Markus’ friends than he considered them his, but he still didn’t understand what they could’ve done to make Gaius want them arrested. Both men were good knights, not the best, but there had never been any problems with them. No disciplinary causes in their history, no disturbances or anything Arthur could see that he would’ve thought was concerning. So, once again…What reason did Gaius have for wanting the two knights arrested? Hell, what did ‘crimes against the royal family’ mean? He obviously knew WHAT it meant, but not HOW it pertained to the situation they were in.

“…Huh?”

Arthur had been planning on going for something that was a lot more eloquent than ‘huh.’ He sounded like some uneducated peasant, but he was still slow on what was going on here. Gaius wasn’t exactly the type of man that was going to start something like this without a real reason. But as far as Arthur knew, he had gotten no reports on anything happening to a member of the family. Uther had been fine when Arthur had been talking to him earlier, and he was clearly fine as he was standing right here. Even Morgana was alright, considering he had passed her by in the halls when he had been heading to meet with Uther to discuss Merlin’s incident with the beast. But that only left one other person Gaius could be talking about…Arthur’s heart skipped a beat…had something gone and happened to Merlin in the last day since they’d seen the other. Was that the reason for Merlin’s absence…

“What happened?”

Arthur’s voice had dropped several octaves, almost cold enough to chill the air before him, his eyes bright and promising an untold vengeance and reckoning was soon to happen. Something dark was stirring, and Arthur listened to every word spoken as Gaius told his story. It was all secondhand information, things that had been told to him by Merlin, and Arthur learned several things as Gaius talked. He learned that Merlin hadn’t gone into the woods at all, that he’d been taken there by two men who were supposed to be trusted knights. He learned that they attacked his consort brutally, who fought for his life in order to make his return to Camelot…how they had, had…had ABANDONED HIM to handle the beast by himself. And considering this was the first Arthur was hearing of this, it was obvious they were stupidly trying to hide it from him. Probably thought they would get away with such horrible, awful crimes that gave Arthur every reason in the world to make sure these men didn’t see another glimpse of light for the rest of their days. Arthur’s entire face was starting to turn red, a furious rage that worked itself up his neck, the tendons in his throat standing out starkly…He didn’t bloody care if he knew these knights personally. He was already considering them dead to him.

“I’m going to kill them.”

The anger continued to burn bright, twisting into something ugly in his veins and making him almost blind with the rage, his vision tinging with red…Had this been what Merlin had been holding back when he first told him of the beast? It was hard to forget the way Merlin had gone silent just before he started telling Arthur about his near miss with the beast… Did Merlin think Arthur would have ignored such a direct attempt on his life? Did he think that there was no point in telling him? That he would decide to completely omit Bryon and Julian’s presence? Fuck…Arthur was going to bloody well show Merlin that such crimes weren’t going to be tolerated. He wasn’t going to use a sword on these men; he was going to use his bloody hands. Make the killing so much more satisfying, the life fading from their eyes as Arthur choked them to their grave. One at a time, so they knew what was going to happen and exactly who they had been stupid enough to cross. Arthur was prepared to march out of there right this minute, scour the entire kingdom from top to bottom until he had these bloody traitors in his line of sight. Before the day was up, there were going to be two more men placed in an unmarked grave…forgotten, no longer important to the world. It was one of the worst ways a knight could die when it didn’t involve going down for the protection of their kingdom.

No…Traitors didn’t get such luxuries.

“No, you are not!” Gaius snapped loudly just as Arthur was reaching for the door, prepared to burst through it like some kind of vengeful demon about to go on a search and hunt. With a certain species of knight being marked down as his prey. Arthur scowled over his shoulder at Gaius, demanding with just his eyes alone, ‘Why’ the hell wouldn’t he kill them? After all, the two knights were already dead. They just didn’t know it yet. “You aren’t going to run after them half-cocked in anger where you are going to do something you regret or need to answer for later on. No. Stop thinking with your emotions, and think about it in the manner that a prince would. What were these boys crimes exactly? And how would this be handled if you treated it as a prince would?”

Arthur almost bared his teeth at Gaius like some kind of wild animal before he realized he was most definitely not a wild animal. And Gaius wasn’t the one he was actually mad at. Arthur wasn’t going to shoot the messenger, though he’d still like to show his displeasure at being stopped…there wasn’t a force within the world that would’ve made him regret taking their lives. Not a single force in the world would make him want to go back in time and talk himself out of what he was about to do. Though as hard as it was, Arthur forced himself into taking hot and heavy breaths, squeezing his eyes shut in order to forget that thumping of red-hot anger rushing through his blood. And he did what he was told…He thought about this like a prince would. And he thought about all of the crimes those two knights had caused within only an hour or two, crimes meant to end their entire knighthood in one fell swoop.

There was no place in his armies for men like this…men who broke every single rule in the book, betrayed his trust, and were still stupid enough to think they’d not be found out.

Knight Julian and Knight Bryon had committed treason the very second they attacked his consort, and they had abandoned their duty as knights the very second they ran to save their own skin from the beast. Those crimes alone were enough to have the men arrested and brought to their knees before the entire court, enough to give them a maximum sentence. Which could go from anywhere between an entire lifetime spent in the jail cells, to banishment from the kingdom, to an execution right then and there. And that would be from just those crimes. If one counted the fact that they had put their hands on Merlin…then Arthur had every right to kill them for protecting what was his. And they’d also, from what Gaius had told him, LIED about having orders from him to get Merlin out of Camelot with nobody the wiser, which was grounds for being treated as inhumane as possible… A brutal flogging perhaps? A show to show others who might think it was a good idea to use his own name to facilitate these kinds of crimes wouldn’t be tolerated. Their blood would slide down their backs from the whip, coating their back in lines of red that would drop to the ground in rivers…each drop meant to indicate just how bloody terrified Merlin must’ve been during his attack. In technical terms, this all could’ve been…attempted assassination, conspiracy, falsifying orders from a royal, and probably a good dozen or so other crimes he hasn’t considered yet…which brought about the real question…why the bloody hell were they still breathing fresh air? And not being carted away in chains…Arthur stopped, and his eyes snapped open. Everything came together in startling clarity as he met eyes with Gaius… He knew exactly why Gaius didn’t want Arthur to kill them off.

“I want them to be made an example of.” Gaius said simply, with no sense of joke or hesitation on his face. He didn’t want these men to suffer from a pointless and quick death, rushed without anybody the wiser. Because, what was to stop any other from following the same path these two knights had gone down? Who’s to say these men wouldn’t decide to take a pound of Merlin’s flesh because of some misguided revenge scheme, blaming Merlin for Arthur’s decision? And he could see this very scenario happening…Bryon and Julian had plenty of friends around the Camelot Court. Any one of them might try something if they didn’t know the full story. “I want to see the two of them standing in front of the king himself, in front of the council, being stripped of their status, crimes listed so there is no mistake or misunderstanding. And when they are finally as down as they could be, I want them to pay.”

Gaius sounded almost brutal in his delivery, as if he would’ve wanted to be the one to order the swift death that surely awaited them once Arthur finished with them. He had honestly not known Gaius had it in him, but it was delicious, with the two of them plotting to bring ruin onto any man who had sworn fealty to the crown only to turn around and do something so…horrible. Arthur could say he was proud, knowing he wasn’t the only one that would come to his consort, defending his needs as if it were second nature. He wasn’t alone in this. And Arthur Pendragon was not a man who broke his word easily, the words leaving him almost like a vow written down in blood.

Unbreakable.

“It will be done.”

And that was all there was to it. Gaius nodded, just as cold-faced as he had been before, and Arthur followed his lead, nodding in agreement. The two of them might always have their disagreements; they might never come back to the common relationship they had before Arthur had ruined everything. But at least today, at least today they had a common foe that they could focus on, somebody that wasn’t the other. Arthur might be forced to reap what it was he sowed with Merlin, but he would be damn sure that the Knight Julian and the Knight Bryon paid with their indiscretions with their lives. Mark his words…the two weren’t going to get out of this unscathed. Even if he needed to find a way to force Uther’s hand, he tried saving his knights rather than honoring the protection that should’ve rightfully belonged to Merlin. Uther always did have a soft spot for Arthur’s men; it wasn’t entirely out of the possibility that he just may try to get them off the hook. With nothing more than a slap on the wrist…as if their only crime had been being late to guard duty. Though, at least with this, Arthur knew that both he and Gaius were cut from the same cloth, which meant there was something Arthur could trust him with. Something that Arthur was sure Gaius wasn’t going to like. But without having the proper guard detail on Merlin, and now he refused to even entertain the idea in case Knights Bryon and Julian got to his chosen defender, he needed somebody that could watch Merlin in the coming days. Maybe not somebody who could fight off against an intruder or winged beast, but at least somebody who would come straight to Arthur if he saw something out of the ordinary.

“Gaius, there is something I believe I need to tell you. Something that I should have probably told you when it first happened, but I kept it hidden for fear that it wouldn’t be taken seriously. Or would be taken too seriously, should the king decide the risk I took was too grand.” Arthur spoke, remembering the promise of the witch that was obsessed with Merlin…the one dressed in a wine-colored gown who looked as if she would stop at nothing to get to Merlin. Promising to spread war over his land if he did not give in and give her—sacrifice—the single thing he could not give her. Now, he still didn’t know if the winged beast came from her or if it was just a strange coincidence, but somebody needed to know just in case something happened. To him, or to Merlin. Somebody who wasn’t going to share this with his father…Uther would probably give Merlin up in one heartbeat if he thought it would save the rest of them. “But in light of what you have told me, I believe it’s not something I can comfortably keep to myself. Not when I know Merlin’s protection means the same to you as it does to me…it all goes back to when I left the kingdom. All those weeks ago, in order to get what Merlin needed from the caves…that flower—“

And right there in the doorway, Arthur continued speaking of his harrowing quest that could’ve ended him. He didn’t speak of the magical ball of energy light that had saved his life, of course. There were just some things that not even he could bear telling another person…Morgana was lucky she had caught Arthur in the state he was in, or he most likely wouldn’t have told her about the orb either. But he did speak of the woman he had met in the woods, admitting he was gullible enough to follow her without question, explaining how she’d been kind enough to show him where the flowers were located. And then how she’d revealed her true nature by attacking him with magic, making the very ground go rumbling beneath his feet until he was left with nothing but the handholds on the cavern wall and about two thousand feet of open air beneath him. The prince didn’t dare mention the spiders or how he had climbed that wall only a hair's breadth from falling to his death… Gaius didn’t need to know those kinds of things. That would’ve felt too much like tooting his own horn, bragging about the superior skills he had used in order to get out of that situation, as if he did not have help. But he did explain how the woman had seemed almost fanatical when she had spoken about Merlin, something almost crazy in her eyes as she talked about wanting him and the deal she had tried making with Arthur… hand him over to her without fuss, or she would cast a war against Camelot in which the world has never seen before. Arthur was still waiting for this ‘war’ to come, but he also needed to open up and trust somebody else to keep an eye on his consort when Merlin refused to be around him. Somebody whose presence is not a threat and somebody Merlin wasn’t going to turn away from.

“So, you have known all this time that this woman was planning on coming for my nephew, planning on doing God knows what if she actually got her hands on him, and you neglected to mention she might make another attempt to get to him.” Gaius clarified, though Arthur was hard pressed to know whether or not the physician was furious with him or not. The man had gone extraordinarily blank during Arthur’s explaining, and even now, Arthur found it hard to get a proper read on the man. So Arthur did the only thing he could do, his face full of his shame as he nodded…He should’ve warned Gaius of the possibility far sooner than he did. He had been blinded by Gaius’ inability to be able to protect his consort should it come down to a fight. But his eyes had been opened, and he knew he needn’t worry about Merlin’s care for as long as he stayed within his uncle’s household. Not when he knew Gaius would do anything for the boy, as he himself would. “…I don’t believe we need to worry about it. The woman has had a month to come and try something; perhaps she has already moved on to somebody else to occupy her time. But don’t worry; I will handle everything that needs to be handled.”

Arthur frowned heavily, because that’d most definitely not been the response he had been expecting…He had thought Gaius would ask a few more questions about what Arthur had witnessed that day. Maybe demand some sort of round-the-clock protection for Merlin, though they both knew it wasn’t something the consort would keep up with. Maybe even show some concern for Merlin or the danger he was in…Surely Gaius had understood what he had been saying? The prince had tried being extremely clear on how much danger Merlin was in if, or when, the witch decided to attack. And yet, Gaius told Arthur he was going to ‘handle it.’. Arthur wasn’t even sure what that meant; how was Gaius meant to handle anything? He was a physician, a healer; what could Gaius do that made him speak with such confidence in his ability to ‘handle it.’? When even Arthur’s been cowering in his boots, unsure how he could protect Merlin with all of the disadvantages stacked against him, and how he could keep Merlin underneath the safety of his wings when his challenger was clearly a skilled witch. 
  
“Er, Gaius…”

Arthur started, uncertainty in his voice, deciding that he would simply need to make sure Gaius understood exactly how much danger Merlin was in. Arthur felt as if he couldn’t leave to deal with the ‘knight situation’ if Gaius was going to dismiss the witch’s warnings. Did Gaius think Merlin wouldn’t attract people like that? Did he truly think the witch had moved on to somebody else…Arthur knew far too well about the lure Merlin had over people, having been subjected to it himself for far too long. Arthur had no doubt that the witch was still there somewhere, probably watching and waiting for the right moment to strike for his consort. Somebody as obsessed as the witch had been, somebody who’d taken an interest in Merlin, didn’t simply ‘give up’ because they were out of her reach. No…the witch was coming. And if she hadn’t sent the creature that had been attacking his kingdom, then she was preparing for something bigger…

“I said I’ll handle it!”

Arthur’s jaw snapped shut as quickly as it had opened, staring at Gaius, eyes wide and full of surprise at the sudden snappiness coming from the man. But Gaius still didn’t elaborate on what he planned to do about this…Was he going to warn Merlin? Or would he do what Arthur had done and decide to keep this from him so the boy wouldn’t be scared…so he could live with whatever peace he found when he was out of Arthur’s presence? But still, Gaius offered him nothing, and the prince felt a muscle in his jaw jumping. Gaius was like a steel trap; he might do something substantial, or he might just keep a more careful watch on Merlin or any suspicious characters in the area… The prince swallowed down hard. If only to keep the sharp report and to keep from demanding what Gaius was going to do with this knowledge from escaping him. Gaius was still his uncle-in-law, and Arthur couldn’t go snapping at him as if he were one of his subordinates.

“Then I’ll go, I’ll go and leave you to…handle it…as you see fit to do so.” Arthur said forcefully, pausing because he still hoped Gaius would give him some kind of hint on what he thought ‘handling it’ meant, but the man still didn’t give him anything more than a steely-eyed glare. The muscle in Arthur’s jaw jumped one more time, and the prince nodded his head forcefully. “I suppose that the next time you see me, you can assume that Knight Bryon and Knight Julian shall be arrested. That’s the very first thing I’m going to handle. I just need to get a few of my men together, just in case they’re stupid enough to try attacking in some misguided attempt at escaping.” 

Gaius nodded one short time in acknowledgment of what Arthur had said; it was a sign that their conversation had come to a close. And Arthur was eager to get what needed to be done over and out of the way…once Julian and Bryon were locked away in their cell, Arthur could see Merlin. Arthur knew he’d seen him already, during their horrid first date, but that was before Arthur knew his consort had survived a brutal attack on his person. Arthur needed to see him once again with his own eyes, just to make sure nothing was wrong. And this time…Arthur’s mind wasn’t full of giving Merlin a full body check, poking and prodding and touching at his body in order to see if there were any aches and winces in Merlin’s form. No, this time his mind was softer…taking Merlin’s own hands into his own, thumbs rubbing over Merlin’s knuckles in a way he hoped would be soothing. And asking Merlin—while staring deeply into his eyes to try and see if the consort was lying to him—if he was hurt. If he needed Arthur to do anything for him, anything to help him relax or…feel safer after his own men had attacked him. And luckily for Arthur…he knew exactly where Merlin would be later on…they still had an appointment at the training grounds after all.

He just needed to make sure the men who hurt his consort paid before Arthur could bring himself to face Merlin again, and…shit…Arthur pulled to a sudden and swift stop just outside of Gaius's chambers, the door closing shut behind him. If Bryon and Julian had lied about having orders from Arthur to escort Merlin outside the walls, then…It didn’t sound like Dorian belonged in the cells just for believing his fellow knights. Fuck…Arthur had gone and arrested the wrong man, hadn’t he?

X

Merlin Pendragon was walking down the long length of a quiet hallway; he had Lancelot trotting along beside him… The area of the castle they were in was so very bright and open. The windows carved into the stones of the wall were not covered up, so it allowed copious amounts of sunlight to stream into the hall to shower them in its light. Merlin was supposed to be giving Lancelot a brief tour of the castle, something to occupy their time with while they wasted away the hours until Gwen was finished with Lancelot’s clothes. But Lancelot seemed as if he was distracted, lost in thought, but at least he wouldn’t ask Merlin why he didn’t see anybody else around. The ‘tour’ Merlin was taking him on was mainly the least populated areas of the castle. Places where they wouldn’t be seen, it was less likely for somebody to say Merlin’s title or give Lancelot something to question if he saw the strange looks he would be given. Though Merlin felt that he was sure he knew what was on Lancelot’s mind…Gwen was most definitely a person that could stay on one’s mind. He was only friends with Gwen, and he knew how lucky he was to have her in his life. He couldn’t imagine somebody who actually ‘liked Gwen’ being able to keep her from his mind for long…

“Uh, Merlin…” Lancelot suddenly stuttered at his side, and Merlin gave him the side eye in response. Lancelot was looking away from him, a pink hue starting to brim on his cheeks and…yeah…Merlin bit back a sigh. He had a feeling that he knew exactly where this was going. After all, Merlin was Lancelot’s one and only connection to Gwen. It made sense that he would come to him, but Merlin had never been the best at ‘guy talk.’ Oh sure, he would shove his friend Will if there was a girl he liked just to get him to go talk to her, but it had rarely done him any good. And that was the limit of Merlin’s experience in ‘encouraging his male friends to go for it.’. “Your friend…Guinevere? She seems as if she’s really lovely…a lot lovely, actually…” and his cheeks darkened into something that’s a bit more redder, so easily embarrassed by his obvious crush. Merlin shook his head and looked back ahead of himself; he could hardly imagine what it felt like to have the stirrings of a new crush awakening. His crush on Arthur had been so quick and sudden that it had taken his breath away, and with everything that’s happened since…He couldn’t really remember the feeling of a first crush. Not even his crush on Lancelot had been real. It was more of an…infatuation that had started to splinter and crack around him when he grew feelings for sweet, sweet Gwen. “But she doesn’t talk much, does she? I mean, she was quiet with me when I first got there? Does she not like strangers? I fear I might’ve scared her at first…Do you think she was still scared when we left?”

Lancelot was almost rambling like Gwen would’ve done, so absolutely worried he might’ve scared her…Merlin’s spine went a bit more ramrod straight…Would Lancelot leave Gwen alone if she was really scared of him? Lancelot looked as if the end of the world would come for him specifically if even he simply there had shaken Gwen. God…Lancelot was just the right kind of gentleman that he probably would back up if Gwen showed even a hint of being uncomfortable in his presence. Merlin sure wouldn’t have found Arthur backing away from him if he was freaking out; hell, Merlin had already freaked out on Arthur a thousand times already, and he kept showing up like some kind of cockroach. Damn, just like Gwen to get the most perfect guy in all of Camelot, somebody who is just as sweet as she was…But then the question came…would Lancelot continue to be just as sweet if he knew Gwen’s story? If he knew about the trauma she had endured only a couple of short months ago? It was one thing to like somebody, but liking somebody became a whole different matter when it became less fun and games and more about being there for somebody else. Would Lancelot be a man able to handle the baggage that came with Gwen’s trauma? The moments that came and went when she refused to speak…The nightmares Merlin was almost positive still cropped up every now and again… the way she would layer herself the best she could because she sometimes swore she still felt the same chill in her bones that had encased her when she’d been in the cells. Not everybody’s capable of dealing with somebody else’s long-term issues…

“No, no. Trust me. You aren’t the scariest thing she’s had to face. It just takes her a moment to warm up. But once she has, it’s like you’ve made a friend for life. She made me feel so welcomed when I first came to Camelot; I don’t know what I would’ve done if she hadn’t been around.” Merlin said slowly, this brief grin fluttering on his face…If Lancelot thought he was fooling Merlin, then the wannabe knight really didn’t have any idea who he was talking to. It was most clear that Lancelot wanted to talk more about Gwen, find out more about her…see if the more knowledge he got would continue stroking the interest he had in her. But Merlin was also very careful, choosing his words with all of the care in the world…He didn’t want anything to slip out regarding Gwen’s trauma. Merlin might’ve been the cause for it, but he laid no claim onto it either. It was Gwen’s story to tell, and only she got to choose who to speak about it with…It wasn’t Merlin’s job to do it for her. If Lancelot did carry a torch for her, a torch that burned brighter the longer they knew each other, and not one that would dim after their initial meeting, then Lancelot would know all about it some day. But when he did know, again…it would have to be Gwen who decided he was trustworthy enough to allow into her heart. Maybe she wouldn’t end up making the same mistake Merlin had made with Arthur…trusting too easily. Believing crushes and growing feelings were meant to be as easy as the stories always led him to believe… “But anyway, I wasn’t just bragging about Gwen being the best seamstress in Camelot just because she’s my friend and I’m a bit biased to her. But she really is that good; she could probably make a proper living at it if she wanted to go down that path. So I’m sure she won’t make you look ridiculous or anything.”

Gwen’s dresses were always plain due to how little material she had afforded to her, but whenever she did manage to get her hands on something a little bit extra…Merlin had noted the beautiful little designs she had sewn into the outfit to give it that extra…oomph. Nothing that could match up to the women who’d gotten professional tailors to hand stitch their own outfits, but Gwen could still do beautiful work with a needle and a few spools of thread. Which was exactly why Merlin had taken Lancelot to see Gwen in the first place…Besides, she is a much safer option than taking him to see Madame Teresa. The royal tailor had been willing to part with a few rolls of fabric she hadn’t been using, but that was also only because of who he was. If he had brought Lancelot to her, she would have gotten the job done, but probably also charged him for the work…or sent the bill to Arthur to be paid for. And Merlin could hardly imagine what Arthur’s face would’ve looked like, the confusion followed by disbelief and then anger as he realized it wasn’t a mistake and Merlin had done something he would refuse to approve of with the gold he kept trying to throw at him after the bill finally reached his desk. Though then again, it would’ve also been hard to explain just why he had Madame Teresa crafting up a knight outfit for the fifth son of some noble lord in the south…Lancelot would’ve been expected to already have that kind of outfit before he arrived.

“Gwen’s hands were…very steady when she was taking my measurements. So I am sure she will do a great job. Especially if she came highly recommended by you… I can’t wait to see what she has done when she’s finished.” Lancelot said, a furious blush returning to his face after remarking on the steadiness of Gwen’s hands…Merlin eyed him funnily for a moment there. A seamstress did need to obviously keep a steady hand if she wanted the lines in her work to be even. So why Lancelot thought it was something to be blush-worthy was quite a mystery to… Merlin stopped. His mind came to a horrific conclusion…when Arthur had…when Arthur had kissed him. He had grabbed Merlin’s face to hold him still…His hand had been surprisingly steady against his cheek to hold him into place. Ooh…gross! Was Lancelot thinking about doing that with Merlin’s friend…while Merlin was standing right here? Merlin gave the other man quite a large stink eye after that thought; if Lancelot planned to kiss Gwen just like he had kissed her hand, then it had better damn well be something that Gwen had wanted. Otherwise, and Merlin didn’t care if Lancelot was a skilled swordsman or had saved his life, he was going to kick his bloody arse if he hurt her. Lancelot seemed to catch his eye and coughed anxiously into his fist…perhaps he was just now realizing Merlin was practically a brother to Gwen. And thinking about such things in his presence was wholly inappropriate. “I suppose then that you might consider she is just as good as the Madame Tailor around here is? You…you must have a good relationship with her as well, considering she just gave you all that material. I thought tailors used every scrap of fabric they had. You have got to be something special around here if you managed to convince an important woman like that to give you a whole basket’s worth.”

Merlin’s death glare on the other man seemed to halt and break, the rush of adrenaline and panic showing on his face… Lancelot had been eyeing him with a knowing look. As if he knew exactly why Merlin had been allowed to take as much as he wanted from the seamstress, Lancelot, future knight of this great kingdom, wondered if Merlin would tell him about the…extra duties that he did for Arthur. If Merlin trusted Lancelot enough to know he wouldn’t judge what he chose to do with his life and why Gwen hadn’t batted an eye when they’d suddenly been given luxury fabric to use at her disposal. Merlin quickly schooled his features into something that was a bit more…neutral. No. He was just being so stupid right now. There was no possible way Lancelot knew he was really that great Consort of Camelot he was always harping on about. Merlin certainly had not told him. And Gwen had lied for him without hesitation. And Merlin even went out of his way to make sure Lancelot wouldn’t run into any strangers who would give him away, so…no. Whatever reason Lancelot had for looking at him with such knowing eyes…it wasn’t that. Or who knows, maybe Merlin had even imagined the way Lancelot had been looking at him. Maybe Lancelot had only looked at him, and there was nothing knowing about him at all…right? Merlin cleared his throat loudly, his mind already spinning on working out his latest lie…

“Madame Teresa simply has a soft spot for Gwen…Gwen works directly under Lady Morgana, the ward to King Uther. Did you know that? So Gwen has spent many times in her presence whenever she’s had to pick up a new dress or specialty outfit for Morgana—LADY Morgana.” Merlin blurted out in a panic as Lancelot raised an eyebrow high above his forehead. Merlin could feel all of the burning in his face, probably redder than when Lancelot had been blushing over Gwen. Merlin had to remind himself that simple people—commoners—would not have referred to Morgana by her given name. They would’ve used the title, as was only proper when talking to somebody higher in status. But…Merlin was technically higher than the lady now. Though Merlin had always dismissed that title and saw both him and his friend as equals. “So all that I really needed to do was mention how Gwen was doing a personal project and needed all of the extra help she could get. Madame Teresa is really generous and loves helping young talent find their feet when she knows they have the skill set. She was far more eager to help than I would’ve thought…”

Lancelot nodded his head slowly, looking as if he had been half expecting this excuse, or any excuse, to come from Merlin’s lips. And Merlin wasn’t sure what to make of that, as he averted his gaze and brought a hand up to scratch, with anxiousness, at the back of his neck. This was exactly why Merlin hated all the lying he had to do, the sickly feeling it always left him with, as if his skin went and shrunk two feet in on him. He was always so sure he was about to go and get caught, or people would ask him a dozen and one questions, and then he’d be left making up more lies just to cover up the ones he had already told. As if the one lie had been enough to snowball into an entire avalanche of lies that’d swallow him whole if given the chance. But luckily for Merlin, Lancelot seemed as if he was willing to let it go. For the time being, at least…

“So, you and Gwen haven’t been friends for long then?” Lancelot asked, as he returned to what seemed to be his newest favorite topic, moving onto what he hoped would be a lighter conversation; perhaps he was still even fishing to get any kind of information on her out of Merlin. Boys who were too scared to talk to the object of their affection were prone to doing such, asking questions that could only be answered by somebody more familiar with them, but Merlin gave Lancelot a slow blink. Not entirely sure how Lancelot had been able to draw an assumption like that. Sure, Merlin supposed he wouldn’t have called four or so months very long, but he also couldn’t imagine a life without Gwen, or Gaius, or Morgana, in it. It certainly felt like it had been a lifetime, though perhaps that’s simply because Arthur had a way of making their conversations feel as if they had gone on for hours. “I mean, you mentioned earlier that Guinevere was very welcoming to you when you first moved here…I only assumed that meant you’d only moved here recently. So, that means you only recently started living with your uncle…”

Fuck, Merlin thought with wild eyes as he quickly averted his eyes to another area in the hallway before Lancelot could see the renewed panic in them…The wannabe knight was really more perceptive than Merlin had given him credit for. It was almost easier to lie to Arthur; at least the other man would’ve gotten distracted by another fight, but unlike Arthur, Lancelot hadn’t done anything to give Merlin a reasonable reason to start screaming at him. He would only end up looking like a lunatic, and Lancelot didn’t deserve to be screamed at by the raging lunatic he had unfortunately gotten entangled with. But if Lancelot had hooked onto this one fact by some stray comment Merlin had made, just how long was it going to be before Lancelot figured out what Merlin was trying to hide from him? It wouldn’t exactly be a long shot to figure out. With Lancelot’s obsession over Merlin’s consort persona, he was sure the knight knew Merlin’d been consort for about four months or so. And if Merlin also said that he lived in Camelot only for the past four months or so, well?! Who else could say they had moved into the city at the exact same time his and Arthur’s wedding had been announced to the rest of the kingdom?

“Uh…yeah. I’ve only lived here for a few months, and Gwen was one of the very first people I met who was actually close to my age, so…I suppose we kind of bonded somewhat.” Merlin stuttered out his half-lie, keeping things as vaguely as he could…Lancelot didn’t need to know Merlin’s ‘few months’ had also been four. A ‘few months’ could be as little as three; maybe Lancelot would’ve even assumed it was three and therefore missed the connecting dates between the consort’s wedding to Arthur and Merlin’s arrival in the city. He also didn’t need to know what ‘bonded’ Merlin and Gwen had not only been Gwen’s trauma but also the way she had helped Merlin through his depression. As much as Merlin had wanted Lancelot to become one of them, a new friend who would stand by his side when very few others would, he didn’t think Lancelot was quite ready to hear about how Merlin’s baggage entwined with Gwen’s. “Yeah, uh…I guess you could say it was all my mother’s idea. She always told me I was too big to live a quiet existence in the farming village where I grew up. So she ended up sending me here, wanting me to have better opportunities. And what could be better than learning under my uncle and developing some skills that might get me someplace in the world, you know…”

Merlin tried keeping as close to the truth as he possibly could, though he also felt as if his lies were starting to do that whole snowball thing. It did feel like it was close to the truth, though…his mother really had always said Merlin would be meant for bigger things than being a simple farmer. He had assumed she’d meant his magic had some grand plan for him, but perhaps she had known the Camelot knights would find them eventually. And she really did send him to go find his uncle, but that was only because Merlin needed some kind of familiar connection in this strange new city, not because she wanted him to learn the trades of being a physician. Though…maybe if Merlin ever did find himself free of Arthur, it wouldn’t be a bad path to go after. Perhaps he could travel across the kingdom to the random villages that were often left behind and forgotten by their kings and help heal those who didn’t have access to a real physician who could help them. Now, that certainly didn’t seem like a bad life. Though it might be lonely, not settling down anywhere long enough to make roots, keep proper friends…

“Okay, so…That means you and Guinevere really are…just friends then? There really isn’t…you and her aren’t, you know…together, or anything?” The knight-to-be stuttered a little, holding out a hand in front of them and giving it a little jiggle, which brought Merlin’s attention to the thick brown leather bracelet that Lancelot wore around his wrist, which only brought attention to how…thick the man was. Merlin wasn’t entirely sure what the ‘jiggling’ meant, but perhaps the move was just how people indicated ‘together,’ as if the whole thing was more embarrassing to actually talk about, instead of making funny little hand signs for it. “Because I wouldn’t want to do anything to…if you and she are actually together, I would keep my distance… But if you’re only friends… I don’t suppose you would know if she has anybody courting her, do you?”

Lancelot’s voice fell into something meeker than what Merlin could remember ever hearing it, scared to death that Merlin might take a sudden turn and admit he liked her. Or was ‘courting her’…good god. Lancelot didn’t just want to kiss Gwen or be inappropriate with her. He wanted to actually…court her! After one single meeting, Lancelot had decided he wanted to see if he and Gwen could have a real future together, and if Merlin had read Gwen right…he didn’t think she would be opposed to the idea. But fuck…was Lancelot really asking Merlin for his ‘permission’ to ask Gwen to enter the first stages of a formal courtship? Merlin was pretty sure Gwen wasn’t courting anybody, and anybody would be lucky if Gwen accepted their affections, but Lancelot looked so ridiculous just now…like an anxious puppy waiting to be told if it was okay to go running off in the yard…as if waiting for Merlin to reject him…Merlin couldn’t help himself.

He threw his head back and laughed, louder and more violently than he could remember laughing in such a long time…