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Chapter Text

Contrary to the popular belief of some, Merlin Pendragon was not that much of an idiot, and he was fully aware that there was something going on around the castle that he was not privy to. Though he was sure it had to have something to do with him being hurt. It was the only explanation that Merlin could think of to explain everything that he had seen this morning. Like the fact that he had seen far fewer people hanging around the castle than he normally would have at any given morning. No… Merlin didn’t want to say that there had been fewer and fewer people around. He wanted to say that there had been fewer soldiers trying to hang around as they did their morning patrols and whatnot. There had been no guards walking around in pairs, and there had been no soldiers standing at the entrances and making a note of who goes in and out of the castle, nobody walking the grounds to make sure that nothing was amiss. The castle would’ve felt as if it was half-abandoned, so used Merlin was to seeing the armed forces of Camelot striding across the city and preparing themselves for the day that a real threat may actually come. But the castle wasn’t abandoned…

There were servants everywhere.

Women who were both young and old and wearing tattered dresses, appearing to have forgotten they even had morning work that needed to be seen to while they stood around in the corners of the castle, huddled together whispering to the other urgently. Servant boys that wore patches in different areas of equally tattered pants held onto items like potato sacks that they were supposed to be putting in the kitchens but didn’t seem too keen on moving; they were also put into their own little groups, their whispers urgent and quick. But both groups would stop whenever they saw him passing, eyeing Merlin with sorrow drowning their eyes as he limped past them with Gaius. Merlin would have thought that it was simply his imagination if it wasn’t for the bows they were giving to him as he had made his way to the council chambers. One after the other, down deep as they could get without dropping down to their knees, as if trying to silently give Merlin all of the support that he would need to make it through the latest injury he had received. This was almost enough to make Merlin skittish, giving him the insane urge to race back to his chambers and hope that he could hide in there until this whole thing had blown over.

Merlin had been bowed to before; it was pretty hard not to have been since he was their kingdom’s consort, the people’s consort, as they had fondly started calling him amongst themselves. But this had been something different… this had all felt as if it was reverence that they had looked at him with. Which made Merlin ask himself exactly what story they had heard about how he had gotten hurt. Perhaps if they thought that Merlin had saved them from something, that he had been bled like a stuffed pig because he had discovered that there were knights out there that were planning on hurting them somehow, then having all that reverence cast in his direction would have made sense. But not now, when the only thing that had happened was that Merlin had been caught unaware by a group of overzealous knights. Knights who had hated him for everything that he stood for. For his roots and his heritage. For where he had come from long before he had become the people’s consort. For being somebody that his own husband would not pass around as if he were some sort of fancy party favor for them to share amongst themselves. So no, the consort hadn’t been bled to the point of nearing death for the people… he had been bled for being himself.

Which was a crime against nature; one would assume that the knights who had attacked him had been thinking.

But Merlin had done his best to ignore pretty much everything around him as he continued his journey to the council chambers, where everybody was meant to be. His back, the scars that were already smaller than they had been during the days past but still no less fierce, would have been on fire if his uncle had not been diligent about replacing the gel on his back every morning when he woke and every night before he went to sleep. It probably would have been best for him to have stayed in his rooms, but ever since Gaius had let it slip that he was needed for a council meeting this morning, he had known that he needed to be there as well. Merlin could have been injured beyond belief. He could’ve ended up with a leg missing. He could have been so injured that he would’ve needed to pull himself across this entire castle by the skin of his teeth just to get there in time. None of that would have mattered. Merlin wasn’t…he needed others to see his face. Needed others to know that something like his injuries would not be enough to knock him out of commission. Call it Merlin just being stubborn if you want, but the consort had already spent five months securing his place in this kingdom. He wasn’t going to spend another five months fighting for his right to walk through this city just because this incident had made his already messed up reputation take a hit.

Maybe Merlin finally was starting to think like a royal if this was his thought on this whole situation…

Merlin wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

But things hadn’t changed even when Merlin had finally made it to the council chambers, where he knew he had also clearly been the topic of discussion just as much as he had been among the servants. It was even harder to deny when the room had gone dead silent at his arrival, every face turning to him as if the consort were some sort of interloper that shouldn’t have been there. Except for Arthur, of course. The anger Arthur had first displayed was almost a welcomed relief compared to the silence. It was something that was familiar to Merlin and something that he knew very well how to deal with. Namely…by not reacting to his anger more than he had to. Perhaps, once upon a time, Merlin may’ve even assumed that Arthur’s sudden burst of anger at him had been because Arthur feared that Merlin was only here to make another spectacle of himself in front of the ‘important people’ in the city. But was it really? Or had Arthur’s sudden burst of anger come from a place of care, because he didn’t want the consort to strain or hurt himself more by pushing himself into doing something that he should not be doing with his injuries? Merlin was almost certain that he actually did have some kind of head injury, despite Gaius insisting that the one thing on him that hadn’t been injured was his skull, for such a thought to come near his mind. If Merlin hadn’t had an entire three nights to think about everything that had led to him being bedridden in the first place…

Arthur had saved him.

Arthur, the prince extraordinaire, who had violence and bloodshed in his very core and who had done nothing but spread his hate throughout the land long before Merlin had ever shown up, had actually been the one that had saved his life. Merlin couldn’t say that he really remembered much after Arthur had arrived at the scene of the crime, having already allowed the blissful darkness to take him under, but he did have the vague recollection of screams that would echo in the back of his head when he would try to remember. Screams that weren’t coming from him. Screams that had been raw and full of pain, and then… that’s everything he remembered. If it wasn’t for Gaius filling in the blanks, then it’d probably be next to impossible for Merlin to have said what the next thing that happened was. But Gaius had confirmed what Merlin had already known… the prince had shown up with Merlin in his arms. Had waited downstairs till Gaius made the announcement that he would live. Had then agreed to wait, sitting at Merlin’s side—for basically an entire night—to make sure that nothing happened while Gaius was gone. And then…well…Merlin was able to know on his own the ending to that story.

Arthur and he had argued…

Merlin had nearly killed him…

Arthur had put the gel on his back…

Merlin had slapped him…

None of which were things he had bothered to share with Gaius. But the point was… Merlin didn’t know. He didn’t know what anything had meant. It was like Merlin was still going through the script that had been his and Arthur’s since the day they had met all those months ago. Only now, Arthur was the one that was leaping off the page and making his own rules as he went along. Not one person like Arthur, who had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the entire world bowing down to his every whim, would have bet their life like the prince had done. Nobody would have been stupid enough to think that Merlin wouldn’t have been willing to slice Arthur’s neck open and bleed him dry after the way he’s been treated. And as stupid as Arthur was, he wouldn’t have put his life in Merlin’s hands unless he knew that Merlin wouldn’t have the guts to do it. He wouldn’t have given Merlin the means to kill him unless he knew that Merlin wasn’t going to be able to do it. And yet, it hadn’t ended there. He had dropped down onto his knees and had allowed Merlin to hit him… had actually debased himself under Merlin. If Merlin was able to fool himself into believing the whole thing with the dagger was some kind of trick—which it wasn’t; that was something that Merlin had been able to see in Arthur’s eyes when he had held the dagger over the prince’s heart—then there was no chance that Merlin could fool himself into thinking the same with the slapping.

SLAP!

SLAP!

SLAP!

The sounds that came with his hand hitting Arthur’s face, and the blond asking him for more, were echoing in the depths of his mind when he dropped into the throne chair, feeling an enormous weight coming off of him now that he could get off his feet. And Merlin did pay attention when he could, answering the few questions that were popped off in his direction from either the king or another—like Edwin—who entered not long after him. And Merlin was almost bitter due to that. Now that Morgana was awake, alive, and sitting near enough for him to see, it was proof that Edwin’s cure wasn’t some toad water in a bottle that was promising miracles that would never be delivered on. It made Edwin suddenly so much more interesting than he had been before. Merlin should be wanting to find out more about him. Should be asking him all the right questions and what he had done to make such a concoction. Because something like that… it had quite a power behind it. The ability to change the world for what it was. It could lead to the next medical breakthrough, and Merlin was there to be a witness while it makes its debut to the world. Already, Merlin should have been thinking about the dozens of people he had seen dying back home in Ealdor over his lifetime. People who had died from sudden sprouts of illnesses and fevers. People who didn’t survive an infection after some accident or another. This potion could’ve been something that could have saved them. Perhaps something that could’ve made the world feel as if it was a less than scary place if they were able to fall back onto something like this potion. And yet…

Arthur was right behind him the entire time.

Making the hair on the back of Merlin’s neck stand on end.

He just couldn’t understand. Merlin had spent so many months seeing his new world in just black and white. Uther was evil because he would kill Merlin if he knew what sorcery lay in his blood. Arthur was evil because Merlin carried a man’s body, and that was a crime in the prince’s eyes. Camelot itself was black and dreary because one wrong step out of line would leave Merlin drowning in the weight of failed expectations. But the spots of white in his life kept Merlin steady… Gaius and Gwen and Morgana. With their care and attentiveness and interest in him. It made this lonely world feel a little less lonely. Made him feel as if he had something that was worth fighting for. And now, even Camelot had started changing. Becoming brighter now that Merlin wasn’t watching his every step. But Arthur… he was starting to turn grey. Flickering from grey to black in Merlin’s mind, as if the prince didn’t know which one he was meant to be. He was supposed to be black, supposed to be evil, and yet… the prince was starting to do things that made Merlin ask questions. Was beginning to do things that weren’t as evil as Merlin wished they were. Because if his husband wasn’t doing evil things anymore, then… what was he doing?

Merlin didn’t like asking questions like this about Arthur.

Didn’t want to see him as anything more than the dark pit of doom that he had always been to Merlin.

Didn’t want to be stupid enough to get his hopes up only for them to crash when he finally starts getting used to an attentive Arthur…

Arthur was… nothing more than another travesty waiting to happen to Merlin if he allowed that door to open up again.

“Honestly, Edwin, please. You cannot leave so quickly after the great deed you have done for my family. I don’t think you are understanding exactly how much Lady Morgana means to our family. I cannot, in good conscience, simply allow you to leave without giving you some sort of reward.” Spoke King Uther, trying in vain to once again get Edwin to accept something from the royal family. But Edwin had already denied everything that Uther had already suggested. Edwin had even denied the king’s ‘generous offer’ to allow him to continue working at Merlin’s estate. Which Merlin wouldn’t have been opposed to, but… Merlin had been forced to think about the six with secrets just as big as his own that were living at his estate. Merlin didn’t want to risk anything until he was able to find out what Edwin’s mindset towards magic was. The vast majority would say that they needed to burn, but perhaps Edwin would be the one in a million who’d say something different. Or at least, Merlin liked to think Edwin was that one-in-a-million person. “Perhaps there is something else that you might have in mind for a reward? I have, as I’m sure you know, a vast amount of resources directly at my fingertips. I could probably have whatever you want brought to you right this minute. You simply have to name it, and it shall be yours. It isn’t often that a king’s favor is being granted like this.”

A king’s favor, Merlin was thinking to himself as he tried to focus more on what was happening in front of him instead of the prince behind him. A king’s favor was pretty much exactly what it sounded like. Giving this person the ability to ask for almost anything in the world and for it to be granted without question… Merlin had saved the prince’s life himself several times over and had not even been granted such a thing. Merlin didn’t know if that meant the king did not care for his son like he should, or if it was simply because of how little he liked having Merlin around. But either way, a king’s favor was not something anyone should take for granted. It was enough to set somebody up for life and maybe even be something that was enough to care for future generations to come, all depending on exactly what you would get. Merlin knew what he may’ve wanted if Uther had ever given him something like that… for resources to be sent back home. So that the people of Ealdor would never again go hungry. For his mom to be taken care of. For there to be medical care and even access to getting a proper education. For there to be trades taught and the land nourished. It was nothing more than a pipe dream to see Ealdor being so well taken care of, but it was a fantasy that Merlin did like to indulge in whenever the urge struck him.

“No, please, sire. I really do insist. I don’t do the work that I do expecting to be rewarded. Helping those that need it is a reward that is enough. I would, if you will allow me, of course, to stay nearby so that I can make sure Lady Morgana does not relapse or anything while she is still regaining her strength. And after she has, it will be best for me to continue on my way.” Edwin said kindly, as he gestured to Morgana, whose skin was still far paler than what it normally was, the color still fighting to return after her ordeal. Merlin would’ve been worried about it, but considering Morgana had been in the same boat that he was and unable to get out of bed these last few days, just being here was already quite a step forward. “Though perhaps—and this is not a favor that I ask—maybe Consort Merlin will permit me the chance to look over what injuries he has? I’m not saying that your uncle, my consort, is not taking excellent care of you; I am sure that a physician such as him is. But I would love the chance to take a look for myself and perhaps even offer up a different treatment plan? Considering how well Lady Morgana has been responding to my treatment, it makes a man wonder if I can achieve the same thing for you.”

Merlin jolted a bit in his seat, his body coiling tight beneath him as he dropped his gaze around the room and to everybody that was watching him. Merlin felt his jaw going tight, steadfast in his determination to ignore the stares coming from the nearby council. Perhaps there was interest stirring in Merlin… maybe it was more than idle interest. Maybe Merlin was insanely curious to know what Edwin could do about his back… if Morgana could be up and about as quickly as she was, then Edwin had to have something else up his sleeve. When Gaius had been looking at his back earlier, he seemed pretty sure that there wouldn’t even be a scar left by the time Merlin was done healing, but Merlin couldn’t say that he was confident in that assessment. When Merlin had first looked at the state of his back in the mirror after everything had happened, it had looked so deep. Nothing more than a mess of scars that had Merlin throwing up all over his bedroom floor because his brain couldn’t connect with this being HIS back. A simple reaction, Gaius had claimed, from the shock of seeing it. But perhaps Edwin would have something else… a different type of cream? Something that would not only minimize the pain but could also reduce scarring? Merlin had never been a superficial person, and scars weren’t exactly the worst thing to happen to somebody, but… Merlin had enough scars beneath the skin. He didn’t want to start collecting them on the outside as well. Though… perhaps this was not something that Merlin should mention to Edwin. Considering the healer had a scar that took up half of his face, he might not be so willing if he knew Merlin was worried about something that he could easily hide. And Merlin didn’t want to be insensitive about something like that…

Except…

The council was watching him still, and that was exactly why Merlin had come to this meeting in the first place. He didn’t… Merlin couldn’t afford to appear in a weakened state. He couldn’t afford to be SEEN as weak. Merlin had spent all these months trying to make the people around him see him as something that was strong and worthy of their time. To show that Merlin wasn’t going to break as easily as they thought he would. If Merlin had allowed himself to stay in his bed, then that would have been exactly what he was saying. That one horrible incident was enough to knock him out for the count. That he was no different than they thought he was the day he first showed up in this kingdom trying to stake a claim to the throne by marrying their prince. It was like all those many months ago, when he had tried convincing Arthur not to fight against Valiant during the final rounds of the tourney, and Arthur had insisted that he needed to do so just so he wouldn’t be seen as weak in front of his people. It had not been something that Merlin had understood back then, believing Arthur to be stupid for risking his life like he was. And yet… Merlin was wondering if he was finally starting to understand Arthur’s reasonings a bit better. It was easier for Merlin to be cut down if people saw him as the easier target. Being strong was something that would… make people think twice before they came for him.

Like a phoenix who would continue to rise from the ashes of destruction.

“Thank you, Edwin. I really do appreciate the kind offer that you have given to me.” Merlin said carefully, his lips pulling back into a tight and thin smile, one that felt so out of place on his face. He WANTED to see what Edwin would say about his back and wanted to know how his treatment would differ from what his uncle was doing for him. But this was just one of those prices that Merlin needed to pay for being a royal. Some circumstances allowed Merlin to be far more bold and willful and defiant, but this, so soon after his incident, probably wasn’t one of them. “But I am afraid that I will have to decline at this time. I’m perfectly happy with what my Uncle Gaius has done for me, so there isn’t any reason to trouble yourself with my situation. He’s already said that I am on the right path and that my injury is healing nicely. Your focus and attention will be far better spent on Morgana while she’s still working on getting her strength back to normal.”

Merlin was almost thankful when he saw Edwin nodding his head, accepting his answer without being offended. Nobles were so touchy about everything, and some nobles probably would have gone to war against them because their stubborn pride could not handle being rejected. But Merlin should have known that Edwin wasn’t anything like the majority of nobles that Merlin had met. He was not anything like Christian, who couldn’t handle Merlin and had wanted to ruin him because of that. Edwin was far kinder, humbler, and gentler. Those were all words that Merlin would have never assumed a noble could have been capable of being! And for Edwin to be all three, well… Merlin was beginning to get a bit flushed in the face. And Edwin was more than just kind! He was smart to have gotten as far as he had in life! And so young… barely older than Arthur and already an accomplished healer. Would Merlin be as knowledgeable after a good five or so years of learning and studying? Merlin was perhaps starting to get a bit starry-eyed at the thought… the things that Edwin could teach him…

If only Merlin could get him somewhere alone…

“But,” Uther suddenly cut into the conversation, sliding in with this effortless ease that Merlin almost wished that he was capable of doing. But the tightness in Uther’s face told a different story… he probably wasn’t all that happy that he had denied Edwin the one thing that he seemed interested in doing. That may be the thing that makes Merlin duck his head… Uther was always going to be a massive force that Merlin was never quite sure if he was on the good side of or not. “Perhaps you should stay for a while, even after Morgana no longer has to be so closely monitored. You may even be able to convince our consort here to let you give him your personal assessment on his injuries. And you can even stay here at the castle. I am sure that the guest quarters will be more relaxing when compared to whatever… accommodations you have been using down at the inn. It will probably be best to have you close by at hand anyway, in case it ends up with Morgana needing you.”

And despite the fact that Uther had a slightly appalled tone of voice whenever he spoke about the lower town’s main inn and despite how offended he should be because not everybody got to live in a room that was wider than most huts, Merlin could feel the hope swelling in his chest. If Edwin was going to live that near to them and for longer, then that would give Merlin ample time to be able to catch up with him. He would be able to ask him his questions, and well… the consort trusted his uncle’s work and didn’t really need a second opinion on his injuries. His uncle would probably be so offended if he knew that Merlin might actually be curious enough to go through with an examination. May even think that Merlin was ‘questioning’ his judgement and treatment. But what his uncle didn’t know certainly wasn’t going to hurt… it wasn’t as if Merlin was actually going to DO what Edwin suggested. He was simply curious about the different types of methods that one could use when healing the exact same injury. And Edwin was a trained healer! So it’s not as if Merlin should feel awkward about removing his tunic in front of him. Not like he had been with… Merlin felt it as the line of his spine went tense. Straightening himself up in his chair with this alarming pace.

Arthur.
 
Arthur was still standing behind him, and Merlin had actually dropped his own tunic in front of the prince just a few days ago, and Arthur had gotten himself an eyeful of Merlin when he had been at his worst, and the prince was… most definitely angry. Merlin had chanced a glimpse up now that Arthur was back at the forefront of his mind—and how was that fair? Merlin used to never think of Arthur when he wasn’t forced into doing so—and Arthur was definitely angry at what was happening. Merlin could recognize the tense posture, the way his jaw was tight, and the way his hand was clenching around that diamond-spiral shape that poked out the top of the chair so tightly that the whites were seen around his knuckles. Furious even. And thinking back on the conversation, the consort found it all too easy to know why Arthur was so angry… Edwin. Arthur has always been more than a bit sketchy whenever it came to strangers. Merlin just knew that Arthur was hating the idea of Edwin staying around here. Being near at all times instead of continuing on his way. And with the king’s offer, the red-haired physician could have been staying here for an unidentified amount of time. He could be around MERLIN for an unidentified amount of time. Which meant… Arthur’s possessiveness towards him was back in full force. Just as it should have been all this time. Merlin didn’t know when exactly he had started to look at Arthur’s possessive qualities and saw something else that didn’t get him sick with the thought, but… it was comfortable. Knowing that something’s like that, even with Arthur evolving and making Merlin question the very basis of everything he thought he knew about the prince, wasn’t likely to change so easily. 

“Ah, no, no, I couldn’t possibly stay here. I would hardly know what to do with myself if Lady Morgana proves she does not need any more care or attention at this time. And I wouldn’t want to just hang around the castle and be standing in your way while you are working on… delicate matters.” Edwin said, once again shaking his head to deny the king. Merlin raised an eyebrow at that and glanced around the room. Nobody, not even Arthur and the fierce glare on his face, seemed confused by Edwin’s statement. Delicate matters? Could Edwin be referring to why there were hardly any knights hanging around? Could it be that Edwin knew something, obviously, that Merlin clearly did not? “Besides, I wouldn’t even be able to find proper work to keep me busy. After all, you have a court physician already, and nobody is going to come and see me when they already know and trust Gaius to see to them. Even your own consort prefers to be seen by him, understandably, so I doubt anything I have to say could really be enough to allow me a look at where he’s been hurt.”

And Edwin honestly seemed sorrowful about that. As if it pained him to just sit around and do nothing when there were people out there in the world that may actually need his help. People that he couldn’t be helping if he was being tied up at the castle. Merlin actually admired that, the consort thought. There were not a lot of people that would have given up luxurious quarters just to go back to living on the road and traveling off the good fortune of the people that you happen to be sharing that same road with. It definitely wasn’t a lifestyle people could get behind, but to Merlin… it sounded wonderful. Having nothing but the open road in front of him. Helping whoever he happened to come across. The one that desperate people turned to because they knew that they could trust him to fix whatever horrible ailment had hit them. Merlin didn’t even know the bare minimum when it came to his healing studies, but… yeah. That future didn’t sound as if it would have been the worst life that Merlin perhaps could have had, the consort thought, as he rolled his shoulders back, able to feel the light coating of the gel that Gaius had distributed across his back before they had left their chambers that morning.

At least the gel wasn’t making his tunic stick to him this time, causing it to pull painfully at the welts on his back. Not like it had been when Arthur had placed the gel onto him. His uncle had made some crack joke when he had needed to wash it off about how Arthur had ‘tried’ putting it on him. But Merlin wouldn’t have said it had done any good. Arthur had made his back feel so greasy with the mountain of gel he had put over his wounds. But… the consort thinned his lips, his face starting to flush for a reason that had nothing to do with Edwin that time. Glancing up towards Arthur again, who didn’t seem to notice since all of his anger and focus seemed to be on Edwin still, the consort quickly turned to face the front again before he got caught staring at the thick hands of Arthur. Hands that were callous and hard and dented out of shape from the many years the prince had spent wielding his sword with the same intensity he would wield his magic. Hands that had hurt the consort more than they’d ever held him. Hands that had betrayed Merlin more than they had ever comforted him. Hands that had been… so sweet and gentle and kind as they had pressed line after line of gel against him, painting the cooling paste against each one of his wounds. Merlin’s belly twisted, remembering the warm flush that had been in his belly when Arthur had been doing it. Arthur had never been gentle when it came to him, so forgive Merlin if him being gentle and the warmth of those hands against his sticky skin had felt like something that Merlin didn’t actually know how to describe. There were no words to describe the way that his heart had been pounding in his chest during the whole experience, or why he’d been forced to bite down on his lip just in case something unwelcome came out.

It was another thing that Merlin didn’t like to think about.

Another thing that Merlin would be happy to put out of his mind as if it never happened.

But as long as Gaius had to keep medicating his back, it was near impossible for Merlin to stop comparing the two. 

“Well, we have an entire city that needs tending to, and I’m certain that Gaius cannot see to all of them like he would like. There are simply too many people around here that may need all the help that they can get. I do not see why the two of you cannot work together while you are staying in the city.” Uther said, demonstrating how unused he was to somebody turning down his kind offers, and Merlin squeezed his arms into himself tighter. Focus on Edwin; that’s what he needed to do. He was not going to let Arthur, or his impossibly sweet hands that had scraped their way across his back with unrestrained care, keep him distracted any longer. He was going to focus on Edwin and let that mess fade into the background, something to never be spoken about again in the light of day. Just like Merlin slapping Arthur’s face again and again and again was also going to be something never spoken about again. “With both of you being the master physicians that you are, I am certain that the city can only prosper with your healing touches working together. With all the experience that Gaius has after his many years working under the crown and the new methods that you can bring to the table from your travels, I cannot imagine a better duo working in my home.”

And once again, it was an offer that was more than generous, and one that anyone would have leaped at the chance to have before it could be taken away. Merlin knew that Gaius had worked for decades before he was skilled enough for the royal family to employ him as their personal healer. And for Edwin to be given a chance to leap right to the top of the totem pole was something that only truly crazy people would refuse. But once again, Edwin shook his head, which might be for the best since Gaius was looking decidedly unimpressed by the idea of having Edwin be his ‘partner.’ Merlin wanted to shake his head at that. He was fully aware that Gaius wasn’t hanging onto Edwin’s every word, but he couldn’t understand why his uncle didn’t like him when Edwin had done nothing but get Morgana back on her feet. Something that was a good thing to do! And there’s no telling what other secrets or medical knowledge Edwin might have that his uncle, sequestered away inside of Camelot with nothing but his books, would have learned on his travels. Knowledge that he could very well share with the rest of them! Knowledge that might help stop somebody from dying a cold and needless death. That could stop a family from being torn apart. Merlin hoped the disdain Gaius was showing for Edwin was only because he didn’t like the idea of working with a partner and having somebody that he would have to run his healing methods through first. Though Gaius didn’t seem to have any kind of problems with Merlin helping himself to his books and asking a thousand or so questions and generally being in the way when he got over-interested in the latest potion that Gaius was working on, being careful not to touch it just so it wouldn’t be his fault if it exploded in his face like all the others that Merlin had a hand in.

“You really are too kind, sire, but…”

Edwin was not to be persuaded, and Merlin had a bit of trouble trying as hard as he was to not show the smile that he was biting back. Stubbornness was a trait that Edwin seemed to have, and Merlin was surprised by how much he liked to see that. Merlin was a stubborn sort himself, but so was Arthur. It was the trait that made the two keep coming at each other no matter the circumstances or what the outside world was doing to them. And some might say stubbornness was the one thing that was going to ruin one or both of them. With Arthur being so steadfast about… seeing to Merlin’s protection… and with Merlin ignoring all he never wanted to speak about again (slapping Arthur and sinking into how soft his hands could be). But Merlin was sure that Edwin wore his stubbornness far better than them. It was only a matter of time before either he or the prince started to crack again (though some may say Arthur had already cracked, the consort thought as he remembered the way Arthur had looked up at him with a red face and a split lip), but Merlin couldn’t see Edwin cracking. He was far too sophisticated to crack. Too gentle to let anything get beneath his skin. Merlin’s stubbornness had always gotten the best of him, and not always in the best of ways.

“Well then, a little time for you to think it over, then.” Uther said, immediately after Edwin had finished speaking, practically dismissing everything Edwin had been saying about not needing anything. Putting pressure onto a situation that did not need the pressure, Merlin thought as the irritation swept through him. Edwin hadn’t been around the Pendragons long enough to know that they had to get the final word or get their way in the end. That, if what you said did not fit in with what they expected, then it all went in one ear and right out through the other one. Merlin knew that struggle well, whether it was coming from the heir or the crown himself. “Perhaps you can dine with me tomorrow, and we can discuss what you have decided you want then. Maybe we can even speak with you about having a more… permanent role here in the castle. Perhaps, if you give me a chance, I can persuade you into staying here and not leaving us behind. The city will be a far better use of your time, I assure you, than traveling around the outskirts.”

Uther had sounded so… dismissive about the whole thing. Like he thought that it was silly that Edwin would find his calling leading him towards helping those on the outskirts of society who, obviously, wouldn’t have access to better medical care. It was so irritating, considering Merlin knew that Uther had most likely never gone a day without being able to get medical care for every tiny or little mark that worried or concerned him. He didn’t know what it was like to be feeling that something was wrong, to know that some sort of illness had taken root inside, but having nobody near that could diagnose what exactly was the problem. Merlin was sure that Edwin must have given dozens of people all the relief that they needed. Had assured them that nothing was wrong, or that it’s not as serious as they thought it was, or had even managed to cure them long before the illness could take over completely. And to know that Edwin did not have the same luxury that somebody like his uncle did? That made all this way more admirable. Edwin didn’t have a home paid for by the crown like Gaius did, and he didn’t have access to the latest books, and he couldn’t order whatever he needed whenever the urge struck him, and he wasn’t paid generously for what he did do. From what Merlin could tell, Edwin lived nowhere and only managed to get the bare minimum of a roof above his head if somebody he healed had the space for him. He may get a free meal or two out of the deal, even, which is at least something that is more than Merlin. Merlin had never been given the chance to dine with the king before, despite being married to his son. Not that it was something that Merlin would have wanted to do, but still, after the many times Merlin had been involved with getting Arthur out of some sort of horrible trouble, you would think the king would have wanted to ‘share a meal.’

“To dine with your majesty would be its own reward.”

Edwin’s response was as gentle as ever as he bowed his head, and Merlin was only able to hope that the healer knew what he was going to be getting into at a meal with Uther Pendragon. Trapped sitting at a table with no easy means of escaping if the king pressed for more than he wanted to give. Perhaps it was a good thing that Uther had never asked to dine with him. Just the mere thought of it was enough to give Merlin anxiety, the feeling of spiders crawling over the length of his spine as if they were laying eggs beneath his skin that would hatch at the least expected time. Merlin didn’t know how long he could have sat in that seat with that sensation creeping beneath his skin, but luckily, this seemed to be the natural conclusion to this meeting, as Edwin bowed once again before he took his leave. Merlin tracked his movements with his eyes, wanting to follow, to warn Edwin that dinner with the king might not be exactly what he was expecting. But Gaius was waving him down, wanting to walk Merlin back to his rooms before he left again to check on his other patients, and the dark-haired boy practically leaped at the chance to leave this room. Jumping from his throne chair and following his uncle from the room.

Feeling Arthur’s stares penetrating his back, familiar and unsettling…

As it always was.

The heavy weight of the dagger Arthur had left behind resting in the curve of Merlin’s boot this entire time suddenly seemed much heavier. As if one look more would be all it would take for Arthur to realize that Merlin was carrying it with him. Arming himself for an enemy he didn’t know yet was coming. Getting prepared should his hand be forced. Merlin didn’t think that it would be Arthur that forced his hand… not anymore. And that thought was enough to pile dread inside the depths of his gut. How Merlin wished things were different… before he had slapped Arthur. Before, he had released his rage and then let it go. And before Arthur had pressed the blade into his hand and told Merlin his life now belonged to Merlin. To do with as he wished… Edwin would at least keep him distracted from such thoughts. If he could only get away from the watchful eye Gaius was always making sure was on him.

X

Lord Gaius Whytt never failed to remember how long it had been since he had stepped within the confines of the library. The smell of aged parchment, close to how his own home smelled like, was strong in his nose with the absence of the potion fumes that usually accompanied Gaius everywhere that he went. So many bookshelves were crammed into this one space, and the aisles between them were a tight squeeze when one tried maneuvering through them. But the familiarity was the same as ever… with thousands of books crammed into each and every single available nook and cranny. The space had been utilized to the fullest extent, where not even the stray table here and there for people to take a seat at was drowning in dust-covered books. Most had probably gone for years without being touched. Not many people frequented coming to this area of the castle unless extensive research was needed for some project. With the collection that Gaius himself had, it left him with very little reason to come to this part of the castle. He had everything that he needed within the comfort of his home. But perhaps it would be time to change that… He hated that the only reason that he was coming to see Geffeey was because he needed something from him. It wasn’t exactly the best reason to make a sudden reappearance in the man’s life.

There weren’t many people that Gaius had made a genuine connection with in all his years of service to the crown. With his dedication to giving his patients the best medical care that he could, it left Gaius with a serious lack in having a personal life. But Geoffrey, the keeper of the records and the library, had to be the closest thing that Gaius actually had towards being his best friend. They’re both older than the usual men in their circle of people, and they were probably the only members of the council that didn’t wear those pretentious robes and stuck to that group as if they wouldn’t know what to do if they weren’t attached at the hip. Gaius and Geoffrey were both solitary creatures by nature, though Gaius didn’t know if that was simply old age getting the best of them both. But either way, Geoffrey was as attached to his books as Gaius was attached to his potions. Always reorganizing his collection just as much as Gaius would do inventory on what potions he may need in the upcoming week. Plus, Geoffrey was likely the only person in the kingdom who had witnessed certain things in this castle that would have been better left… unsaid. The only one that Gaius would trust not to say anything about why Gaius had chosen to come and visit him today. At least not until Gaius was ready and had all the facts prepared for the king…

If it came to that.

Gaius was not surprised when it took him a few minutes of wandering through the extensive contents of the library, knowing that he had an ample amount of time before Merlin started wondering where he had gone, before he was finally able to find Geoffrey buried amongst a stack of books. One of his ledgers was opened up in one hand, and he was making notes along the paper… Gaius was smiling already. As much as he adored and loved his nephew, it sometimes felt good to be in the company of somebody he considered to be his peer, instead of somebody that he needed to look after and mentor and take care of. Merlin wasn’t somebody that Gaius would trade the world for, but sometimes, there’s something that only another well-aged adult could give him. Company. Proper conversation. Answers that could only be answered by another who had been around during those dark times. Who had watched alongside Gaius as the king ordered the first wave of execution against magic-users. People who had once been their friends being set to burn. Geoffrey himself had never actually been a sorcerer since he had no affinity for the talent. But he had been fascinated with reading about the world before the majority of the books were also set to burn. And Gaius had only just managed to avoid the flames by the mere scrape of his teeth. Some people just couldn’t come back from the bonds they forged after such trauma, no matter how long it’s been.

“Gaius! What on earth are you doing here, you old codger?” Geoffrey shouted out with surprise when he finally felt Gaius’ eyes on him, looking up from the ledger as he closed it shut with a solid snap. Giving Gaius his full attention as he abandoned the work he had been doing to stride across the room towards him. “Oh, never mind, though! There is something that I have been meaning to ask pertaining to your nephew. That boy of yours has not been back here for a while yet, so I’ve been unable to ask him, but what sort of name do you think I need to place for him in the records? You see, I had to update the royal family tree when he became a Pendragon, and I had to have him listed when he was married to Arthur. I left his name as it was back then because he didn’t have a family to put him under. But should I have his original name be yours? I did my research on his immediate family, but there’s so little to know about commoner people that the most I’ve gotten is basically nothing other than you. Having his name be Merlin Whytt in the records before he became Merlin Pendragon at least shows that he existed before he got married. And you never know if that is something that will be important for future generations. All of this really should have been done when their engagement was first announced so that I could do the proper announcements during the wedding itself over who Arthur would be marrying, but I didn’t have all of the proper information back then. And while it would normally be his father’s name that Merlin would be listed under, there is nothing I can find in the records about who this… Balinor Ambrosius was, and I certainly don’t want to leave it blank. It’s almost like he never existed.”

By the time Geoffrey was finished, Gaius’ head felt like it was spinning, and… it was, of course, obvious that something like this would be stressing out the old librarian. As the record keeper of everything that went on in Camelot, it would be Geoffrey’s job to make a note of everything. Every birth or every death. And every marriage that combined family houses into one. It was a way to keep the lines of family succession straight and to remember the great ancestors that came before that you should aspire to become. Merlin would obviously have a place in Camelot’s Book of Royals, and thus his family would be placed there as well, in the personal pages added to the back of the book. But Merlin’s page is most likely dreadfully empty, considering his common roots. Geoffrey probably had nothing more than the names of his parents, leaving the rest of the pages an empty space, other than Merlin’s own personal accomplishments, of course. Merlin’s mother, as a common woman, would have done nothing that was more interesting than an annotation about how she had run away from the king, which would have likely made her look like a traitor if the whole story behind why the woman had run wasn’t written down. And as for Merlin’s father, well… Gaius is sure that Geoffrey would have remembered the dark-haired man that had often been at Uther’s side during the king’s youth if Gaius reminded him who such a name belonged to. But Geoffrey would have been more comfortable with some sort of record that said Balinor had once existed. The librarian would doubt his own memories before he said that his records were wrong. But Balinor was this special case, and… Gaius knew that the king had all records of him destroyed during the beginning of the purge. Long before Gaius had known the man had any sort of relationship with his sister. The contract that had Merlin’s marriage on it is probably the only document in the entire city that had Balinor’s actual name on it.

Perhaps Gaius should have told him something about Balinor, told him about the thousands of long ancient ancestors that Merlin had come from, who had dragon fire in their veins and magic brimming on the tip of their tongues and eyes that shone brighter than all the gold hoarded away in a dragon’s nest. It would have been right to offer up this information considering what Gaius was going to ask for was something… quite steep, and something Geoffrey would not want to revisit so easily. But if he did, then Gaius knew that Geoffrey would want him to answer every question he had so that he had an accurate record for the Royal Book. And these books… family genealogy… they weren’t exactly kept out of the hands of the public. Any noble could come in and ask to look at it for their own interest. Any servant could come in and say their master had to look into something. Gaius knew that they couldn’t afford to have records like that with Merlin’s name attached to them. Couldn’t risk the fallout of people who’d ask questions if Merlin’s TRUE heritage came out. Yes, Merlin was a Whytt by blood, and Gaius had claimed him as his heir, but it was also a smokescreen. A reason for people to stop digging further for any other secrets that Merlin may be hiding in his bloodline. It was… better for everybody if Merlin didn’t have a single association to the name ‘Ambrosius.’ A noble and ancient name that was even deeper and more pure than the Pendragon’s. One that would actually put the Pendragon’s to shame, considering the ties they had to the very earth this kingdom had been built on top of. A bloodline that flowed richer than any other ever had, and one that had been all but forgotten by history itself.

“You can just list Merlin Whytt as his original family name. It will be good for it to be documented that I claimed him as my heir. I hardly want anybody coming up and trying to claim Merlin doesn’t deserve whatever inheritance he’ll get at my death just because he’s not my direct heir.” Gaius said this with a firm and steady gaze in his eye. He had seen others who had lost their inheritances… mostly it was women, who hadn’t been old enough at the time of their parents’ deaths or had already married into their husbands’ families, leaving others to scramble just to get their hands on what they could before the woman could claim it herself. A woman didn’t need the inheritance, of course, when her husband was taking care of her. But it could happen to a man as well, on the rarer occasion, should somebody question the legitimacy of their blood. Or perhaps even the council would try to pull out some obscure law that hadn’t been used in decades that said something Merlin did in the past disqualified him from having a true claim to his family rights. Having the proper paperwork in place would make finding these types of loopholes a lot harder to put forth. The laws pertaining to who gets what after the head of a family died were long and complicated, and there were always people looking for ways to get their hands on something that did not belong to them. Gaius would be damned if Merlin had to fight just for what little scraps Gaius would leave behind on this earth, but perhaps this needed to be dealt with at a later time. “But Geoffrey, my nephew isn’t the reason that I’ve come here to see you. I know that it’s not proper for me to do so, but I find that I am in need and have to ask a favor of you. One that you may not like and one that you may even think is insane of me to ask. But nevertheless, I do find myself now in dire straits, and only you can help me figure out if I have reasons to be truly concerned about what the future brings.”

Gaius watched when Geoffrey, who had been making his instructions in a spot on the ledger, paused. His quill, still dripping with black ink, paused mid-letter, dripping traces of ink down onto the parchment. Hesitation causing thick brows to furrow together. Gaius wasn’t usually the one to mince words, but he had to make sure that Geoffrey understood how serious it was. That it was at great personal risk if Uther or somebody else discovered what they were now looking into and it turned out that they were wrong. The records that the aged physician wanted to see… they had been sealed away for a reason. Because of the untold horrors that were written down in those pages. Written in ink, even if it may as well have been written in blood because of how much had been shed in those dark times. Gaius would have done this by himself if he could, simply because he knew the risk was too great. It was part of their history, and yet, it was a part of their history that people had locked away for fear of opening that door once again. But unfortunately for Gaius and Geoffrey both, the librarian is the only one in the entire kingdom that knew where those records were being held. Not even Uther knew where they had gone after ordering the librarian to make sure they were buried so deep within the archives it would take a truly powerful miracle for them to emerge once again. It was one thing for people to be aware of the hundreds who had died during Uther’s great purge, but it had gone so far that even Uther had feared a rebellion would be on his hands if a day came where the people had proof that Uther’s purge had killed thousands of citizens. And with the laws still in effect as they were, they could possibly bring the numbers up to a thousand more.

Gaius was determined for his nephew to not be one of them.

He needed to know if his suspicions were right about who this ‘Edwin’ actually is.

Gaius might be getting up there in years, but he was a healer foremost. And he had never once, in all his years of active duty, forgotten an injury that had been presented to him. He remembered the tiny cuts in hands that could have gotten an infection, which would have given them no choice but to cut the hand off to stop it from spreading. He remembered the serious injuries where there might be an arm or leg that had gotten impaled and needed to be monitored to the point of obsession to make sure it was healing right. He remembered all of the numerous injuries that would show up at his door after a knight’s training session went sideways. He remembered the injuries that had needed nothing more than a bandage before being sent on their way. Remembered the burns that came from serving girls who were just learning their way around the hot waters of the washing rooms. He remembered the stitches he had needed to do and the people whose lives had been lost because of circumstances that were out of his control. Even the people who had died because Gaius had not been as skilled back in the day as he was now and hadn’t known how to treat them properly, even though he had made sure he would not be caught like that again the next time a similar injury crossed his path. And Gaius knew without a sliver of doubt, no matter what Edwin had said… he had seen that scar before.

He just needed to remember where, and this ledger might be the only thing he knew of that could jog his memory into place.

“Gaius,” Geoffrey started, his voice going down into a low whisper now that he knew that this was not just a friendly visit coming out of the blue. He was glad for that. Geoffrey probably knew as well as Gaius did that the walls had ears at the ready, listening for anything treasonous. Even if they were alone, there were just too many chances of them being caught. Too high of a chance of someone stumbling upon them and realizing something was afoot. “You know as well as I do that we are old friends. I have practically known you my entire life. There’s not much that you could ask me that I would turn you away at. But if you are so hesitant to come towards me now, then… I have to ask. What risks are you now bringing to my door? What danger are you landing yourself, and me, if I agree to do this favor for you?”

What risks indeed, Gaius thought, knowing that the consequences were going to be quite severe. Uther had made himself quite clear before the council all of those many years ago, when he had decided the secret ledgers would need to be kept from the public’s eye. Replaced with another ledger. One that was less stained with the red blood of the people and one that told more lies and would smudge the numbers of the people taken during the purge. Nobody was meant to speak about the whole generations of families that had been wiped out from existence. To speak about the families that were only suspected who had been taken to the flames despite no proof of them having magical abilities at all. All the horror from those early days, when Uther’s rage and heartbreak after the death of his queen had been at their peak, had been hidden away. And it was the true one, the real one, that Gaius needed to get his hands on. Perhaps what he was searching for would have been in the false one, and he wouldn’t need the librarian’s assistance for that one, but… time was precious. And Gaius knew he would only find the truth in the ledger that held nothing back. In the one book that spared nobody’s feelings and allowed the harshness of those days to start bleeding out on the pages themselves. Children and elderly, those sick and the ones that had never done anybody any harm, those that had lives and the ones that had hidden from the world. Edwin would be in there somewhere. He could feel it in his bones. But the consequences for seeking to open that door would be quite permanent, and not even the roles they had among Uther’s court may be enough to save them from damnation. Uther had never been the type that’d so easily forgive, but then again… neither was Gaius.

Not when it came to those who would hurt his blood.

And Edwin… the way he was getting close to the Pendragons…

It meant that he was getting close to Merlin.

And Gaius couldn’t risk that without knowing what this man’s intentions were.

“Execution.”

The single word that Gaius had just uttered seemed to ring with a solemn note in the dimly lit chambers, and not even the fluttering of dust gathering itself in the air between them was enough to break the charge that was happening. His old friend, the librarian and record-keeper of Camelot who had once officiated his nephew’s wedding, seemed to go several shades paler. His hands went just a bit tighter around the ledger that he was holding, his fingers making indents in the leather of the book where they should not be. But Geoffrey had to have known that this was what this was leading to. Gaius wasn’t the type that would be secretive unless he had to be. Wasn’t the type to make people think he was more mysterious than he was. If he was saying that something was dangerous, then it wasn’t an exaggeration. Death was imminent. But Gaius had to be sure. To make sure Geoffrey and he were on the same page. Gaius couldn’t fool the record-keeper into giving him what he wanted. Uther wouldn’t have cared if he didn’t know the whole story. The king would have still come after them both, so Gaius needed Geoffrey to prepare himself for that. It was only because of this respect that Gaius had for Geoffrey that he was being so forthcoming with all of this now. If Geoffrey was going to risk his life for this, then he needed to be fully aware of what was at stake. But without this ledger, then others… others like the king and the prince and even his nephew… their lives would be the ones to be at risk.

And Gaius would risk his own to make sure Merlin didn’t suffer once again.

He only hoped that Geoffrey would see things the same way.

“I wish to see the court records from the time of the Great Purge.”

And all at once, it was obvious that Gaius had said the wrong thing. Whatever Geoffrey had been expecting for Gaius to say, this had probably been nowhere on the list. The record-keeper seemed to turn aghast, his face turning into this ugly and blotchy color that resembled a gray shade of spoiled milk. His hands were trembling around the ledger already, as if he half-expected for knights to show up and have them cuffed within seconds. But Gaius knew that they were not going to come. The vast majority were too busy with the interrogations; the others were pulling in the dungeons in their quest to get rid of any that might have a desire to strike out against his nephew once again. And those that were already past this point and released back into society would be working with double time in mind to fill out all the extra space that had been left behind. It’s why this was the perfect time for him to come here, less likely for any of those ears in the walls to hear him. Less likely for either of them to be caught. But it was even more of a risk than that despite the carefulness that he was trying to take. Gaius’ name was written all over that ledger, speaking about the role that he had played. About the things he had done… things he had never wanted to see the light of day again.

Crimes against nature that Gaius would never want Merlin to see.

“Gaius, you know that you are not meant to speak about those times! You are fully aware that those ledgers mark the darkest time that has ever happened in Camelot history, and you wish to bring them back out into the open? You stand there and ask me to bring such horrible papers back out into the open?” Asked Geoffrey, the tremble in his voice betraying everything that anybody would’ve needed to know about those ledgers. If they weren’t such an important part of the story of how Camelot was running today, then they would’ve been burnt all those years ago. But Geoffrey would have never… Records were his life and his trade. No matter the darkness hidden or the thousands of people that had not survived those days… the ledger would still exist. Gaius himself was terrified to be doing this. Terrified of seeing his name marked beneath those that had not survived. And being reminded of exactly how many people’s blood was on his hands. Gaius was a healer. It went against his very nature to be anything else. But… they had been living in a different time. And Gaius had been desperate to live. Desperate to… the shame of what he had done filled his throat, and trying to swallow did nothing to ease the ache he had buried in his heart over these many years. “There is a reason that those papers haven’t been revealed in all the years that they’ve existed! There is a reason that they should stay buried where they have been all this time. Why on earth… why would you ask me for such a thing? What on earth would you even have need for them after all these years. They… seeing them cannot erase the things that you did or the things I saw. No, Gaius. Whatever reasons you have, that is my answer. They should be left behind in the past, where they should be.”

The things that he had done… Gaius’ throat convulsed as he struggled harshly to swallow past the lump in his throat. He wanted to walk away from this room and forget this whole crazy idea that he had, because there was nothing scarier to him than his truth being revealed. The truth that he had ignored for twenty years or more. Except for, well… losing his nephew was probably going to be the only thing that scared him more than this ledger. Which could easily happen if Merlin discovered this ledger and its information. Gaius could almost imagine the confusion and the pain and the pure betrayal that would be inside his nephew’s eyes if he knew how deep Gaius’ ties to the purge truly went. It’d break Gaius’ heart, knowing that he wasn’t worthy of the love and respect that his nephew looked at him with now. Merlin would never be able to understand why Gaius had made the choices back then. He was too young to know why a man would forsake everything else just to save himself… no. That was not right. Perhaps for a normal person. But Merlin had been through too much to be as innocent as Gaius wished he could be. But still… Gaius had seen death on the faces of people that were no older than Merlin. On the faces of people that were younger than Merlin. Had been a brother or a sister, a mother or an aunt, a friend or an uncle. Had been the direct cause because the bloody king had offered him a way of saving himself. And Gaius had taken it… without even an ounce of hesitation. If Merlin knew that he was relying on somebody with a past like HIS to help him now… Merlin would never be able to look at him with the same eyes again. Would never be able to trust him the way he does now.

“I know that you have your reservations, Geoffrey, and you know better than all that I would not come asking you this if it wasn’t of the gravest importance. All that ledger does is remind us of the pain of the past, but I fear that the past is not done with us. I fear that its return to Camelot will only bring us back to the dark times that we are trying so hard to forget.” Gaius spoke, not yet willing to give up when Geoffrey didn’t have all the information about why he was asking for this now. If Edwin hadn’t arrived with his familiar scar and his soulless eyes and his know-how on medical conditions and cures that defied all ounce of logic, then that ledger could have stayed buried for another twenty years or more. It would have been something that Gaius would have accepted, just like he had accepted it these past twenty years. But with a new generation in danger, the past may be, ironically, the only thing that could save them now. “Already, the presence of the past is haunting the halls of Camelot. Stalking through them like a ghost in the night. Whispering sweet promises to the king and getting up close to the consort. There is no telling what will happen in the coming days if this presence is not stopped. If it means doing them harm…”

And that was what Gaius truly feared… the unknown that came with Edwin. Or the motives that had brought him here. It would have been something easy for Gaius to ignore his doubts and his questions. Maybe he was simply paranoid, and Edwin really was only here to help. But Gaius was done ignoring what his gut told him to do. He had ignored it all those years ago when the fires burned and had turned the people back into the salt of the earth. The screaming had told him that he was doing wrong. The pain that he had wrought because he was too scared to join them. He had that gut feeling again, clawing away in the pits of his being, that said Edwin was not who he pretended to be. It was a little ‘too convenient’ that he had showed up right when he was needed, and if Uther wasn’t blinded by Edwin’s heroics, then perhaps he would have seen the truth for himself. And Gaius wouldn’t be here, opening up old wounds that had been festering beneath the surface for all these years. Until it had become so easy for Gaius to simply… pretend that it had never happened. It was different now, though. Gaius had something to lose these days. He didn’t back then. He may have chosen a different path, a more defiant path, if Uther had started to set up a pyre for his nephew. 

“The records are sealed, Gaius, and you know that they were put that way for a reason. The king himself has forbidden that thing from ever being opened up again. I don’t know what you have involved yourself with this time, but it’ll just have to be something that you will need to figure out on your own. I won’t risk my life for something like this when you have no proof that anybody is in any type of real danger.” Geoffrey repeated himself, his voice becoming a bit firmer as he became more steady in his resolve, straightening his back with his refusal to go any further than this. Gaius wanted to scream, wanted to shout that the proof he needed may very well be in those ledgers! Yes, Edwin was young, and those records were dated over twenty years ago, but he was not so young that it was impossible for his name to be in there somewhere. For there to be some sort of connection between his family and the crown, some reason for why the healer would come here now. “I am certain that everything will work out in the end, my old friend. But this time… there is no changing my mind on the matter, Gaius. The hangman’s noose will not come for my neck just because you show yourself to have gotten paranoid in your old age. The ledger shall stay exactly where it’s been, and with any luck, it will stay there for the next thousand years to come. When we can no longer be haunted by what is between those pages and files.”

The words started swelling up in Gaius’ throat, making him want to demand to know where Geoffrey’s sudden self-preservation was back during the start of the great purge. Geoffrey may know the sins that Gaius was trying to hide, but Gaius knew some dark truths about the record keeper as well. And Gaius knew for a fact, something that he never breathed a word of in Uther’s direction for the sake of his friend, that the man had a secret chamber somewhere. A place where Geoffrey had hidden things that the king had wanted burned because they had been found in a sorcerer’s possession or they had been suspected of being dark magical items. Even books that had been smuggled out of the vaults back when they had been overflowing before the burning of such items had started to take place. There were a few items still locked away in the vaults that were kept as trophies or deemed too dangerous for even the fires to contain, but he knew that Geoffrey had saved other items from the same fate. Geoffrey’s been a tight follower of knowledge practically the entire time that Gaius had known him. It would have been impossible for Geoffrey to have seen all of the history and the knowledge that the king was trying to burn away in one fell swoop and do nothing about it. It was probably even the same place where Geoffrey went and hid the ledger. Where else would the records of every being killed during the height of the Great Purge be kept, other than a place where other magical items were kept? But again, Gaius had no way of knowing where Geoffrey had such a place. The castle itself was so large that Gaius probably could have it scoured by a team of men from top to bottom and still not find even half of the hiding places that this castle was capable of producing. After being around for several centuries or more, there were thousands of secret passageways trying to hide where nobody could see them. Thousands of rooms that nobody knew existed but were woven into empty places here and there amongst the castle walls. Tunnels that led in and out… Not even the great Uther himself is capable of knowing where all these secret spots were. It wouldn’t have been strange if Geoffrey had stumbled upon one at some time and decided to make use of the space.

“Please, Geoffrey,” Gaius still begged, just one last time, just one last plea for the help that he needed to save his nephew before Edwin got his hooks in him too deep. Before Edwin had the chance to try something. Gaius may not know all of the details, but he knew that Edwin was somehow involved with what had befallen Morgana. Gaius wasn’t exactly the type to miss something like blood gathering in her ears! And nothing about Edwin was making sense. And if that man had been behind it all, had been brazen enough to attack somebody that was so close to the king, then how long would it be before Merlin ended up in his sight? “I am begging for you to see reason. If you will not do it for me, then at least do it for Consort Merlin. You were the first one to approach me just to congratulate me on my newfound relation when it came out that Merlin is my nephew! You said that he was a bright young man and that he bodes well for the future of Camelot. Are you willing to risk his safety and the future safety of the kingdom just because of what may happen? When we should really be fearing what will happen if we do not take action while we still can! Before he does something that cannot be fixed or reversed!”

Merlin had practically became Gaius’ entire world in the short five months that he had known him. He was the son that Gaius had never known that he wanted or needed to have in his life. Somebody that wanted to be nurtured by him but was now starting to look in another’s direction. Gaius had done so much to see to Merlin’s safety. To make him strong. To make him see that it wasn’t weak for him to ask for help, like Gaius was now asking Geoffrey for. He had never once thought that there would come a time where he would be forced to come face-to-face with his past, but with Merlin’s life at risk, he would allow all those screams that had come from the fallen and the damned to swallow him whole… to take him somewhere that no human man should go. Purgatory, maybe. That would be a hell by itself. Where the people he had seen burning would start to surround him, screaming for his blood to be theirs. Screaming that Gaius was going to be theirs for the taking, just like Gaius had taken their lives.

“I also said that you better keep a close eye on that boy before he tries biting off more than he can chew.” Geoffrey snapped back sharply, his tone just a bit more scathing than it had been, causing Gaius to wince. He had forgotten that bit from the short conversation they’d had a few days after Merlin’s blood ties to him had been revealed in front of the court. Geoffrey had also been, at the time, more than a bit miffed, and grudgingly impressed, that his youngling had been able to forge a document for Lancelot’s knighthood right underneath his nose without him catching it. But Geoffrey softened almost immediately, grief in his eyes that echoed with the same regrets he had been plagued with during the time of the great purge. “I truly am sorry, Gaius. You know that I would try to do almost anything that you need from me, but this time… this time I fear it is simply too much of an ask. Your nephew… he’s a decent sort of man who’s already made significant changes to the way things work around here. And I’m truly wishing that no harm will befall him upon the coming days, but there’s not a thing that I can do for you. Those records… they need to stay hidden. For all of our sakes.”

Gaius dropped his eyes down onto the floor, the grief striking him cold until it felt like it was nearly overpowering him. He had known that it was a big ask to start with, and most people would have turned him away without bothering to hear him out. But he had hoped—had been relying—on the good friendship he had with the record keeper to get what he needed. But even Geoffrey had that line that he would not cross. Had washed his hands of the past and wanted to keep it there with the rest of the things that would be lost to history and time itself. But without the ledger, Gaius’ journey was going to end here. He could not even say a word to Geoffrey, as he ducked his head once before taking his leave, the hollow hole remaining persistent in his chest. He hoped that he was truly wrong about Edwin’s intentions and why he was really here. Because if he wasn’t wrong… if he was right to be paranoid…

Merlin might get something that was worse than being flogged half to death.

X

Perhaps Gaius had assumed that Merlin Pendragon would continue to be safe as long as he was left back in their shared chambers. As long as Merlin didn’t do anything or get out of his bed for any length of time, then it would’ve been safe to assume that nothing would happen to the consort while Gaius was off visiting his patients, as he had told Merlin when he had dropped him off after the council meeting with hardly a word more. But the fates were not so kind to Merlin, who was unwittingly about to be the fly that trapped itself in the web of a spider, when he defied his uncle’s instructions to climb into bed by deciding to leave the chambers as well before somebody could stop him. And every one of the steps Merlin was taking was about to leave him more tangled amongst the strands of that web no matter how much he tried to backtrack. Fate was a heavy mistress that should never be messed with, but Merlin had never been able to quite learn that lesson for himself. At least this time, it wasn’t going to have something to do with his husband. In fact, Merlin had decided to put his thoughts on Arthur to the back of his mind—and keep them there—so that the heavy presence of his husband lingering wouldn’t ruin whatever was going to happen.

Merlin found himself outside of the chambers that Edwin had been allowed to sleep in during the duration of his stay in the city. With a poorly dented scalpel held tightly in his fist, holding onto the thing as if he didn’t quite know what to do with it. Merlin was feeling so stupid as he held onto it when he knocked on the door lightly and then again louder when nobody came. It was supposed to be his ‘opening line.’ To ask Edwin if he knew of a way to get the dents out of it so that it could be used again properly. Which Merlin had made up on the spot since it was the first thing he had snatched off his uncle’s table before he had left his chambers. He was hoping that the silly question would allow him an ‘in’ with Edwin. But now Merlin was wishing that he had put a little more thought into this. He didn’t want Edwin to think that he was an idiot. Maybe it would be way better for Merlin to just tuck the thing into his pocket where it couldn’t be seen and then tell Edwin that he had rethought things concerning his injuries and he wanted Edwin to take a second look at his cuts. It’s not as if Edwin had seen them before, so he wouldn’t know that the scars were already half of the size they had been when he had first gotten them. He would simply think that their current size was how big they had always been. That was something he could have worked with, at least…

Edwin still wasn’t coming to the door.

He was here… right?

Merlin didn’t know where else Edwin could have gone.

The consort frowned and threw caution to the wind in his eagerness to get out of the hallway before somebody found him being somewhere that he probably wasn’t supposed to be. And he ducked into the room, closing the door behind him with a gentle click. Where nobody would be able to report to his uncle and his husband that he was skulking around the guest quarters unattended in his half-injured state. But once he was inside, it was clear to Merlin that there was nobody there. The guest quarters was a large room that was divided into two separate parts. In one of which, Merlin could see a large bed that seemed to be overtaking a majority of the room. But the main room that Merlin was standing in had a long table that stretched from one end of the room to the other… it caught Merlin’s eye almost immediately. With the dozens of items that were gleaming and shining under the light of the sun streaming in through the open windows. These were the items that Merlin had helped carry from the room Edwin had been staying at the inn, but unlike now, Merlin hadn’t had the time or opportunity to actually look at the things when they had been transporting them, but now that he was alone… with nobody to stop him…

Merlin just knew that he was going to be caught.

But he couldn’t stop himself from going straight to the table, placing down the scalpel on the edge of the table, and focusing on all the fancy instruments that Edwin used for his healing. Nothing like what he had ever seen before and was probably something that Gaius would never use for himself. The latest kinds of equipment were the top items to get when it came to medical equipment to be used by physicians. But Merlin couldn’t even begin to make head or tail of what he was seeing. There was this golden tube-like structure with an equally golden-looking opening at the top that had the circular lid covering it, and the opening flipped inside when Merlin pushed against it before flipping closed as Merlin withdrew his finger. And then there was this very thin grey stick-shaped thing that had two large spheres on either side of it that moved as if it was on a balance beam when the consort tapped one of the spheres. Though this was something that Merlin fumbled with, quickly tapping the other spheres to get it balanced again when it looked like it was going to tip straight over the edge of the table. Merlin wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be some kind of scale, but he had absolutely no idea how one was meant to read what it said.

But Merlin’s attention was soon distracted by something else that was sitting directly amongst the middle of all the equipment. The consort had to reach in carefully to withdraw it from the mess without knocking anything over or trying to break something, but once Merlin had it in hand, he was left staring down at a small wooden chest. It looked familiar, the consort thought as he ran a hand across the smooth wooden oak… He had probably seen it when they had been moving everything into the guest chambers. But Merlin knew that last time, he had not seen what was inside. And as he was prone to doing, Merlin’s idle and curious nature got the best of him. Without a second thought, the consort was flipping open the lock and pushing the lid up. But once Merlin was able to see what was inside, his face twisted into confusion. And mild disgust. He was not seeing what he thought he was seeing… was he? Because why would Edwin be going around carrying a chest full of beetles?

Dozens of dozens of little beetles just sitting there.

Dead beetles.