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Chapter Text

"Mari-chan, could you take out the trash?" 

Her fingers paused on the strings and the melody she was trying to remember slipped past her again. She sighed and gently set the too-large guitar aside. 

"Sure!" 

She padded into the kitchen area where her mother had piled two sacks of their waste and hefted them up. It proved a little harder to find her slippers with her arms full but she managed it after some finicky maneuvering with one foot. 

"Take your keys, sweetie, I'm going out with Takeshi in a minute!" 

Mari wrinkled her nose but did as told. Takeshi wasn't the easiest person to get along with, especially not as a prospective father figure. He was so headstrong and unsure around her and she honestly thought he often forgot she existed. Preferred she didn't exist. 

"Can I go out too?" she called out as she hitched the door open. 

"Hm?" her mom sounded distracted. "If it's with some friends of yours, yes. Just come home early to finish up dinner for us, would you?" 

"Okay." 

With that she wiggled through the doorway and tried to stuff the keys into a pocket. She glanced up at the sky and pouted once she noticed a small drizzle. Some gloomy weather, this. She forgot to put a jacket on. Oh well. 

The trash was easily taken care of in the next few minutes. She stood outside and stared at the gray sky, wondering if a storm was coming and hoping it didn't. Her mom shot out of their small family home with quick strides and focused on talking to someone on the phone. Probably Takeshi. 

In a moment Mari had her jacket shoved into her arms and her mom rounded a corner with a quick smile in her direction. Her chest flared with warmth. Her mom at least was a great mom even while distracted. 

She put her phone in her jacket pocket for ease and so it wouldn't get wet, then put her hood up so she could walk comfortably. Her hand fiddled with the phone as she tried to decide who to call. Fingers found her little guitar keychain. A small smile lit up her face as she remembered she did get her allowance yesterday. 

She flipped the phone open and slipped it next to her ear. 

"Oh, Mari-chan!" 

"Hiya, Yato-sama, do you have time to hang out today?" 

"Hmm, I wonder, do I?" 

She grinned at the teasing tone. "I've got five yen for every minute!" 

The next instant she had a god standing in front of her, a cat-like smug look on his face. There were definitely sparkles in his eyes. 

"Then Yato-sama is at your service for however long you need!" 

"Five hours max. Gotta make dinner. But till then I'm free! Can we go… bird watching?" 

Yato gave her a languid salute and started leading the way. She followed with a skip in her step and listened to him prattle on about birds and what he'd learned since last time they did this and what he'd been doing that day. She slipped her hand into his at some point and the conversation became more two sided. She was looking forward to another nice afternoon. 

A safe afternoon. There wouldn't be unavoidable storms tonight. 

xXXx

Mari won an international guitar competition as the youngest participant. She got some prize money and got an invitation to join a fairly famous band in Japan. She accepted. Her mom was thrilled for her, but also scared since fame meant attention and she wasn't quite ready for that. She didn't know if her daughter was either. Mari knew she could handle it but decided to keep herself as much in the down-low as possible and appointed herself as a songwriter rather than a guitarist. That would keep her mom out of the spotlight she didn't want. 

She still remembered when she was announced the winner, the way her mom screamed in delight in the audience, right next to Yato who was bouncing next to her. He knew she'd promised the usual deal if he came, and a bit of prize money if she won. She knew he was also very happy for her. 

Takeshi was also in the audience, looking impressed and clapping politely. From then their relationship was a bit easier. She felt a little sad about that. She needed to succeed in order to be worthy in his eyes, she felt. 

xXXx

Yato showed up randomly and brought her to see the sunrise from the rooftops. She was delighted. They shared chocolates she'd got for her birthday. This was her favorite gift. Yato solidified as someone she loved that day. She didn't tell him, as it seemed like something that could spook him a bit. 

It was a familiar familial love from long ago. She hoped she could carry it with her forever. 

Something within told her her wish would come true. 

The clouds reflected orange light throughout the dawn. 

xXXx

"Mom…?" 

She stared at the empty living room, suddenly worried. Hushed voices carried through the bedroom door. An argument. With Takeshi. 

About her. 

Because she'd quit the band in order to have more free time. For Yato and her other friends in school. He wanted her to stay there for the extra money she'd gotten their bank accounts. The royalties from her songs were still coming through but mom had given that to Mari. 

He wanted her to find another band. Her mom was arguing against it. 

She was eleven now. 

She suddenly felt suffocated being in the same house as Takeshi. It was still so awkward. Maybe more awkward than ever. She knew he never wanted her to stick around, as a reminder of someone before him and someone to drain his own wages if mom had her way. 

Mari left the ingredients she was working on and retreated to her room. She stared emptily at the guitar, wanting to play but not alert the adults in the house that she wasn't where they'd left her. 

She picked up her phone. 

"Delivery God Yato speaking~!" 

A reluctant smile tugged at her mouth. 

"Five yen for a hug?" she asked half-heartedly. 

A hand landed gently on her shoulder in the same instant as the dial tone for an ended call rang in her ear. She looked up into blue slitted eyes that surveyed her defeated look. 

"Something wrong?" 

It didn't escape her that he hadn't accepted the job. She smiled a bit more genuinely as she confirmed to herself that he cared about her in his own way. Tears pricked at her eyes because this was what she would've hoped Takeshi could be. Her mom would've hoped that too, but she couldn't see how it was past his love for her. 

"He will never like me as I am, will he?" 

Yato's eyes darted to the door, eyes narrowing a little. 

"Tsk. Nevermind him then. Did you want to go out today?" 

A tear fell, then another, and she simply fell forward to lean her forehead against Yato's damp and slightly smelly tracksuit. She wasn't lying about wanting a hug and she did want to support Yato's dreams financially because he was simply a good friend who helped keep her safe and let her just be herself. 

He hesitantly set his other hand on her head. She sniffled once, let out a shuddering breath, and pulled back to smile up at him while drying her tears. 

"Sure. Let me get the food ready first," she said. 

He stared at her face, scrutinizing, before he nodded, corner of his mouth slanting up. 

"Lemme help, it'll go quicker." 

She ended up giggling at his dramatic flailing against chopped onions and determined pan stirring, then let him drag her out to the park. He stole cookies from Takeshi's secret stash on the way out and she pretended not to notice. 

It was a sunny day. 

xXXx

An earthquake. An earthquake of a dangerous magnitude. She was being pulled along by Takeshi, out towards the door, as the mall creaked and shook like the ground was trying to throw it off itself. It might as well be that way. 

She was trying to reach her phone as they ran. It was in her bag, in her stupid, stupid zipped up bag. They got out. 

Takeshi let go with a yelp and she stumbled, thudding painfully into the asphalt. A sign crashed into the ground right next to her, exactly where Takeshi was a second ago. She struggled to her feet, hissing as her ankle buckled beneath her. 

"I can't run!" she yelled, hand finally finding purchase on the zipper. 

Takeshi stared at the sign that could've been his death in shock, turned to look at her and paled at the sight of her twisted ankle. He started towards her, but then his eyes moved up and he stared at her for a single moment too long before scrambling away. 

Her heart pounded in her ears as she watched him run, uncomprehending. Away from her. From the collapsing building. She looked up. A shadow grew around her. She pushed herself away with all her effort, leg nearly locking up with pain. The world crashed. 

For a second all she could feel was the pain in her leg. Next she couldn't breathe, and she coughed weakly, feeling bile and blood in her throat. Her midsection was on fire and she couldn't move. Her temple was running red rivulets down over her right eye. 

Her left arm wouldn't move. Her right hand was pinned down under her, clutching at emptiness in her bag's pocket. She was going to die. The world was getting dark. Everything was dusty and nobody could see her. Other cries of pain were somewhere around her through the ringing in her ears. A shadow of a giant snake flew overhead, echoing the despair below. 

She twitched her right arm. Reached her phone. The automatic movement of flipping it open and inputting the code took too much effort. 

She coughed again. Blood came with it. 

She didn't want to die. 

Her mind struggled to remember where Yato's number was. She pressed what she remembered and hoped. She couldn't hear if he answered. Couldn't even hear if she got it correctly. She laid there and waited. 

A sharp intake of breath and a yell of her name was what snapped her back into wakefulness and pain. 

She squinted through her eyes and regretted it as blood dripped off her right eye's lashes. She saw Yato crouch down where she was with wide and pained eyes, a shaking hand brushing away hair from her face. She twisted her mouth into a facsimile of a smile. 

"Take… me as… regalia," she coughed. 

"You- Are you- why did you call me?" 

Instead of the emergency services, he meant. Your mom. Anyone else. 

Mari blinked slowly, brows pinched and breathing near non-existent. She had perhaps half a minute left. 

"I'm… impaled," was the first way she could think to explain there was no time to dig her out, that he could take her with him when she died, that she knew exactly how long she could live and it wasn't enough to save her. 

He could protect her from the ayakashi as he had before. She wouldn't become a corrupted soul. She refused to. 

"My stash… is yours," she forced out the last of her air. "Payment." 

His hand covered hers where she was clutching at her phone. Something wet and warm fell on it. Water. No, tears. She wanted to comfort him, but her vision was going dark, she had no strength or air left, and her blood was spreading out from under the piece of wall and metal she was crushed under. 

She closed her eyes instead so he wouldn't have to see the light leave them. 

She felt… 

… 

…The sky was gray today. 

xXXx

Yato lifted his eyes to a pure white wispy form of a child forming in front of him. He could hear the ayakashi homing in on her pure soul, one that shone brightly with the will to live. He didn't look down at the body of his young anomaly friend who didn't deserve this, instead rising up and lifting his fingers to write a name fitting of her. 

"You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return…" he started. 

It… hurt to realize who he was saying this to. 

"I grant you a place to belong. My name is Yato." 

She would be, hmm. What would she enjoy? She loved her guitar. Music. 

"Bearing a posthumous name, you shall remain here. With this name, I make thee my servant. With this name and it's alternate, I use my life to make thee a regalia!" 

She glowed, a binding appearing and soon to be complete. 

"Thou art Koto! As regalia, Kin!" 

The bond between god and regalia flared to life. He held out his hand, heart heavy, as he considered what he was about to experience. 

"Come, Kinki!" 

She flew into his arms and formed a shamisen, surprising him a little with the way her confusion turned into instant comfort as he called her. Memories started playing in his mind's eye but he pushed it aside. The ayakashi, the phantom, was close. What was he to do with a string instrument!? 

'Shield,' Kinki replied. 

Her mental hands guided his fingers to the strings, the plectrum readied, he played three notes in quick succession and saw and felt a short burst of a barrier block the ayakashi from reaching them. That was… surprising. Unique. 

She was… powerful. He could feel it. And she wanted to be here, with him. She felt she belonged. 

It was a giddy feeling that almost made up for how she got here. 

How she got here… 

What's with my regalia and daddy issues? 

Because who was supposed to be her father had just abandoned her to die. Her memories clearly saw him reach for her, stop, and run away without glancing back. Yato felt angry. She hadn't. She'd just felt sad, like the times she'd called him as Mari and asked, in her own way, for comfort and distraction. 

She understood human nature in a way no twelve-year-old should be capable of, and he couldn't understand how. 

"You're such a mystery," he muttered. 

'I am?' she echoed. 'Who am I? Who are you?' 

That question shouldn't burn as much as it did. Especially since it was so full of trust. 

"You know your name, and mine." 

The ayakashi screeched and jumped at them, and Yato jumped away. Kinki felt a little alarmed at the movement, but soon grew awed at how easy it was for him to move. She looked at the ayakashi and felt revulsion. 

'Do we need to destroy that?' 

Yes. Very much yes. It shouldn't be here, where she met her end, corrupting anyone else or possessing people who could've and should've saved her. Also, he was curious. What could she do? 

"Can you?" 

'I… don't know. Let me try-' 

He knew where to put his fingers as he strummed the instrument once more, and the strings emitted a strong light that condensed instead of spreading out like the shield. The sound blasted at one of the eyes, making it splatter and leaving a scar on the ayakashi. He stared, impressed. What was with her? He'd never seen this before. Perhaps it was a special ability, but they also felt like borderlines, which shouldn't be possible. 

He took the plectrum, the bachi, and chanted Rend on the strings, then strummed the rhythm and melody once more. The slash of light and sound struck clear through the whole snake ayakashi, leaving it to explode into nothingness. The air instantly felt clearer. 

Yato jumped up to a nearby street light, then onto a roof, staring out at the destruction of the earthquake aftermath with heaviness that was pushed to the background with his new regalia's giddy and innocent emotions. 

They overlaid with Yukine's, who was asleep and mostly content. They'd had a tough night and the newness led to uneasiness on both their parts, because Yukine was uncomfortable. And now, he had a new regalia too… With a sigh he called out his little human friend's new name. 

"Kotone." 

The shamisen turned back into a human form, a twelve-year-old with orange brown hair and dark blue eyes. Her clothing was a white kimono, as was usual for just formed regalia. She blinked in surprise, then smiled brightly up at Yato. It was a familiar sight. It was unusual to feel the emotion behind it. Things changed so quickly in the past two weeks. First Hiyori happened, then Yukine got his name just two days ago, and now Mari was gone… his main source of income and the most long-time friend he'd had in a century… 

He still felt resentment at her poor excuse of a father. Mari's mother was going to be devastated… and she would cling to him even tighter, wouldn't she? He hated this. But such was life. 

"...Yato? Yato!" 

Kotone was calling him. She was closer now, and oh, she was still so tiny. She'd never get to grow taller… Seriously, her head was around Yato's stomach. He knew other kid regalia like this but never owned one before. 

"Sup?" 

She stared into his eyes with intensity and contemplation. Warmth. She felt so warm towards him. It was… weird. 

"I know you, don't I?" she asked. "I knew you before I… died. Oh. I just died, huh..." 

…She felt way too calm about that. Not that he preferred panic, but if she only just died… Not that she ever felt too alarmed even as she was dying, in fact she- 

Why in the world had she wanted to stick around after dying just to help? Because that underlined her every action. She wanted to be helped but she also wanted to help, much more so than she wanted help from others. She was so… kind. Helpful and kind. 

"Yeah," he said on autopilot. "You're mine now. My shinki, regalia, my little helper." 

It's what she'd been ever since he saved her the first time. He hadn't wanted to stick around but she did, and she knew his number and that he needed money, so she made money and gave him jobs that varied from various little tasks to just hanging out with her when she was lonely to having him help others with their troubles. Thanks to her, he'd spread his little network for work quite a bit and could expect a few jobs per day, many from familiar people even. 

And now she was his. It… might as well be like this now, not that he could do anything about it. He'd respected her dying wish, and she was pretty happy right now. 

…She'd stay happy until she discovered what life with him was actually like. He wasn't looking forward to that. At all. 

Arms wound around him, and he looked down at hair parted in two poofy ponytails that nearly hid her mark as a regalia, on the back of her neck. 

"Hm? ...Kotone?" 

She looked up. "You looked scared. I'm still here. I want to be here, and nothing will chase me away." 

She… read him. Like a book. Like she used to do when she was still alive. He smiled and put his hands on her shoulders. 

"Right. Do you want a piggyback ride?" 

It was one of her requests when they went on walks. Now, he could take her flying over rooftops like she said she wanted to do someday. Her eyes lit up and he knew he'd done something right. 

Now to explain this to his tagalongs… 

Maybe he just wouldn't. 

xXXx

Chapter Text

Yukine stared at the sleeping girl in a white kimono and Yato's tracksuit jacket. 

Yato himself was also asleep, mumbling something inane. They were at Tenjin's shrine, like always so far. She was shivering the slightest bit. Yukine knew it was a bit chilly and wondered why she would wear something like a sweaty tracksuit to keep cold out instead of the hoodie jacket thing he'd slept under the night before. 

Who was she? Maybe… another regalia? 

Her breathing changed, and eyes fluttered. He shifted away quickly to appear as though he hadn't been staring. 

"Mmh… Hi, Yukine-niisan," the girl mumbled and he snapped back to attention. 

She was rubbing her eyes and yawning. She knew his name? … Big brother? 

"Hi. Uhh." 

"Kotone. Yato named me today," she smiled a little sleepily. "He told me you were his too." 

Oh. That explained that. Was this going to keep happening? He was half tempted to tell her to run away as fast as she could from this homeless sweaty hobo. Maybe he'd be capable of warning the next one. He grunted agreeably. 

"Where'd he find you, then?" 

Her smile turned a little sad. "There was an earthquake earlier. I died." 

Wait. "You remember that?" 

She shook her head. How then? 

"Yato told me. I think… I think I knew him before I died too." 

Wow, unlucky. Maybe? Yukine wasn't quite sure what to do with that information. How did you know a god like this before you died? Why would she look so content if she knew him beforehand? She must've known what his life was like! Unless she didn't, and it was way better before whatever it was now. He'd only been here for two days anyway. 

Ah, night was almost here now. He'd slept the evening away, during which Yato apparently left him to go to some earthquake. He ignored the trickle of fear and shoved it to the back of his head. Dark was just everything being the same except without light. It shouldn't be scary. 

The girl grabbed his hand and he flinched minutely, staring at it like it was alien. She was staring at him like he was an alien. 

No, like she was worried about something. Was she scared of the dark? No, that wasn't quite… Oh. The emotion was concern. She was concerned for him. He felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment and looked away. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. 

He nodded. He was lying. She squeezed his hand a bit before letting go, and suddenly there was a weight against his side. The younger regalia was leaning against him. He went completely stiff. 

What? Just what? 

…She said she just died, didn't she? And she probably saw the earthquake wherever she was. 

I wonder if she's shaken up by that, he thought and made himself relax. 

After a few minutes he felt his eyes sliding shut again. It was… actually comforting, to have someone just. There. Present in a way he could literally feel it. She was warm. 

Perhaps… it wouldn't be so bad if she was here. 

He let himself fall into slumber, and the darkness barely bothered him. 

xXXx

Iki Hiyori never would've thought she'd spend half her allowance on feeding a god, a teenaged sword, and a little girl who said she was a shamisen who died yesterday. That last tidbit she would've gladly lived without for the rest of the meal. At least the girl, Kotone, was moderate and polite in food consumption. 

Why Yato had decided to name a shamisen girl 'koto' escaped her. They were two entirely different string instruments! 

Either way, she was sitting with dead kids on a cold morning with coffee that didn't quite wake her up. Why did she come here again? 

"Hiyori-nee, how old are you?" 

"Hm? Oh, fifteen. I'll be sixteen soon, though. How about you?" 

She looked stumped. Hiyori realized her mistake just a moment later and was opening her mouth to apologize when Yato, surprisingly serious sounding, interrupted. 

"She just turned twelve." 

Twelve? She looked like ten, if that. Her surprise must've shown on her face because Yato spread his arms to indicate the shinki. 

"Right? Both of them are so short!" 

That was not polite. She instinctively shot a look at them to see their reaction. Yukine looked disgruntled while Kotone giggled a little. She was a little curious about Yukine now, actually. If he was older than he appeared… 

"Being short means I can bug taller people for rides and things from high places!" Kotone said. 

"You mean you coerced me into a piggyback ride!?" 

"You offered, Yato-sama!" 

Yato's face did something funny, like he'd bitten into a honey covered lemon. 

"...I don't know how you got that to sound innocent and patronizing." 

Yukine coughed and it did nothing to hide his laugh. Kotone smiled, a 'who, me' smile that made it clear she was teasing people but also meant no harm. Hiyori wished she could clearly express something so complex with just a look on command. There was something though, something she couldn't quite… Ah, Kotone seemed… comfortable, in a way that made it easy to spot how awkward Yukine was in comparison. The trio of the Far Shore, as Yato had called it, were still talking between each bite of food. 

Speaking of, there was something she wanted to ask. If these people went to her for a meal… 

"If you don't mind me asking," she started slowly, "where did you get your clothes?" 

Yukine instantly wrinkled his nose and looked away. Kotone didn't seem to know what she was talking about and glanced between the outfits of her group. Understandable since she was the weirdest of all, with a white kimono under a jacket that nearly swallowed her. Yato laughed awkwardly. 

"Oh, you wouldn't believe what people throw away these days…" 

Ah, she figured. These poor kids. She had half a mind to take them to her house for a while. But no, not now, she was still tired and had to get to school too. Though- 

"I could give Kotone some of my old clothes if you need it," she offered. "Actually, I think my older brother left some of his childhood clothes behind too." 

Three pairs of eyes looked at her with shocked awe. Yato started bubbling with thanks and praise while Yukine inclined his head gratefully. Kotone smiled too brightly for her morning fogginess. 

"You're a really kind person, Hiyori-nee." 

Warmth flared in her chest and she gave the 12-year-old kid a soft look. 

"Thanks! I try to be." 

(Of course, then Yato got a phone call for a job and Hiyori got sucked out of her body as they were transported to an actual shrine of a god she'd heard about.) 

xXXx

Kotone hid behind Yato as the god of learning, Tenjin, introduced himself to Hiyori-nee and Yukine-nii. She felt a bit uncomfortable after knowingly having spent the night at a shrine of his. She was also curious, but not so curious as to find herself too far away from the only person she felt she knew well in the whole wide world. 

She was learning so much just from hearing Tenjin's conversation with the three others in her group. He seemed a bit out of touch with the modern world for example, even as he no doubt knew much more than many many other people. Or other gods even. Then he asked for Yukine's names. 

Yato told him. She felt a small spike of alarm as Yato pulled her out from her hiding spot and introduced her too. 

"Oh? Two regalias in as many days, Yato-kun?" 

She felt him straighten up. "Yup yup! They pack a punch too!" 

Tenjin hid his mouth behind his sleeve, suddenly looking quite mischievous in a condescending way. 

"Well then, you wouldn't mind clearing some ayakashi for me, would you?" 

She felt Yato's twitch of annoyance manifest physically before he let go of her and walked closer as the god of learning started persuading- teasing and blackmailing- Yato into completing the task for him. She trailed behind him until she was right by Yukine and Hiyori and placed herself between them to feel more comfortable. 

Then they met Yato's former regalia, Mayu, back then known as Tomone. 

They had a weird dynamic. Rather hateful, except also having common ground? Basically mostly bickering that was angry but not angry enough to hate. Kotone felt rather glad she'd decided to stay between Yukine-nii and Hiyori-nee now. 

Mayu was their guide to the place where Yato would exterminate the ayakashi. It was a suicide spot for many. The phantoms would possess people who already had deeply rooted phantoms with them, and help them the rest of the way into making a decision to die. 

Kotona found it deeply sad, and Hiyori-nee clearly thought so too. 

There was an argument. Yato sounded cold and callous when he talked about it, like just letting people die if they wanted to was the better option. She didn't agree. She didn't think any other person here agreed. She was… quite sure Yato didn't really hold that as a tight belief. He was more bitter about it, somehow. 

Hiyori left in a fit of frustrated anger. 

"Yato," she whispered from next to him. "She's right, there are better ways." 

He looked down, and she wasn't quite prepared for his eyes to look so dispassionate behind the surprise. She touched his arm and smiled sadly, the warmth of love heavy in her chest. 

"There's worth in people, even when they don't see it. That's when you go and show it to them from the outside." 

Ah, there it was, a spark of recognition and her own warmth reflected back beyond the icy surface emotion. She let relief bubble up for a moment before her concern took over. Yukine-nii had brought up a point when he asked if Hiyori-nee was alright on her own. She looked for the path the half-phantom had taken and made a decision. 

"I'm going after her," she said, and jumped away with high jumps she was slowly getting used to as a spirit. 

xXXx

Hiyori grit her teeth as she jumped ahead. She couldn't believe Yato-san, saying they shouldn't even try saving people. Like those who wanted to be gone weren't even worth convincing otherwise. It was- It was an insult to all families and friends who had to lose someone that way. 

She blinked the burn of tears away and tried to focus on the crispy air, stopping on a rooftop to breathe. Maybe she shouldn't have left but Yato- she was upset. Unbelievably upset. She'd believed in him, on some level, and now wasn't even sure if she should. Her mother would say 'definitely not'. 

"Hiyori-nee!" 

A flinch she couldn't quite suppress. It wasn't Kotone's fault. None of this was. She was just associated with that- that no-good god, and she didn't quite want to think about him but ended up there anyway. 

Kotone landed next to her, dark blue eyes clear with concern. Hiyori tried to smile. It deepened the little girl's frown. 

"...Do you… want to talk about it?" 

The answer, surprisingly, was yes. Very much so, but she wasn't sure she could with Kotone. She'd been nothing but polite and adorable so far, but she also clearly liked Yato-san very much. Then again, she'd been worried enough to come after her. That was honestly heart-warming considering they'd only met earlier that morning. 

"Can I? What's there to say? Yato-san was so…" 

"Callous?" 

"...Yeah." 

Kotone hummed in agreement. Hiyori felt herself relax. She agreed with her. Maybe she could open her thoughts a little more. 

"I guess it was stupid of me to expect him to care," she said, a sounding bitter. 

"It wasn't. He does care, he's just stupid at showing it," Kotone informed her. 

Hiyori thought that was pretty ludicrous right now, what with having heard his words and seen his ice cold eyes. It must've shown on her face. 

"Really, he does! If I had to say, the coldness towards suicide is mostly… y'know, about us." 

"Us who?" 

Kotone stared up at her, looking impassive and melancholic and sad all at once. She wrapped arms around herself and Hiyori suddenly realized she was wearing very thin clothing for the weather. 

"We're dead, Yukine and I." 

Well… yes, that was obvious. And it was sad but what did that have to do with- 

Oh. 

Those who wanted to die couldn't become shinki. Those who died peacefully moved on peacefully. That only left… those who wanted to live. Those who weren't given the chance. Gods gave them a chance, so they wouldn't become ayakashi. 

But they wouldn't be able to save everyone from that fate. 

"Yato-san is… is angry at them for the life you could've had, but one they want to throw away instead, and the danger they become to life after," she voiced aloud, and that perspective made what he'd said a little… easier to frame. 

She still didn't agree with it. She could tell Kotone didn't either. But she could understand it and that made Yato someone she could relate to again. 

(In hindsight, going off alone to fight ayakashi wasn't the best idea and she was glad Kotone had come along, even if to pull her out of danger. Not that it helped much as Hiyori still ended up falling in front of train tracks and Kotone was clearly scared as she jumped down with her to try to get her free. Yato came just in time to cut her free and called Kotone out of danger with her other name, Kinki. Then he, contrary to his words earlier, completed the job and saved a suicidal person. Hiyori was starting to think he was just very complicated to understand.) 

xXXx

Chapter Text

Drawing borderlines turned out to be very difficult, Kotone realized. She could feel it build up, drawn out in her mind, but when it came to creating it the feeling fizzled out into a small spark of white that disappeared the next instant. It was the complete opposite to Yukine, who had created a very strong border the instant he was taught how. 

For her, it was more like learning how to walk again. A long and tedious process. Or maybe a better analogy would be having learned how to fight, then realizing you got all your moves wrong and have to unlearn all the bad habits and reflexes. 

That's what it felt like at least, because she knew the techniques and the mental process, but when it came to putting it in practice her energy didn't cooperate, instead moving on its own path she had to yank it away from halfway through her borderline attempt. It was a path that felt right but didn't do anything when followed upon. 

It made Yato a bit worried about leaving her alone when he went on jobs with Yukine. Most of them didn't 'need her' according to him, but there was quite possibly an underlying reason he didn't want to tell her. It was a relief to him when Hiyori offered to 'babysit' her and Yukine both and let them stay in her older brother's former room. 

xXXx

Yato stared down at the grave a casket was being lowered into, in a forgotten corner of a graveyard. A woman was crying, Mayumi, Mari's mother. There were kids of Mari's age, some of whom he recognized as having called for his help with some task or other occasionally. They looked sad too, some uncomprehending, others openly crying. 

Takeshi had an arm around his wife, face filled with sorrowful guilt. He probably hadn't even told anyone what happened. Yato turned away, watching as the casket disappeared, then left entirely. 

He went into Mari's room, to a hidden corner of the bookshelf where her 'stash' was. She'd shown it to him one time when he asked where she got all her money from for an outing she took them on. It was a locked up metal box that had her money and some of her own music sheets. He stared at it for a moment too long, then gently took it out to bring with him. 

She'd entrusted this to him. He'd honor that. 

The key was under the bed frame and he dug that out to see what was inside. The first thing he saw was a letter. Addressed to him. Under that was one for her mother, and then her friends, and… Takeshi. He was tempted to look. He didn't, instead depositing the letters in a pile on her desk and opening his up with a flourish. 

'Hi, Yato-sama

This letter, these letters, were written in case I die. If I'm not dead, please stop reading and put the letter back. If you aren't Yato-sama, please call his number and give this to him.' 

He laughed a little at her forethought. Her straightforward approach to all this. Of course she'd think of this after learning about the world of the gods. 

'If I'm dead and you found this, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to die so young. I didn't mean to leave you. If I managed to become yours, good job me, and thank you so much, Yato-sama! I know you took my comments about that as jokes before, but… they weren't. I love you, you know? You've become family to me.' 

He took a moment to look away at a wall. He swallowed thickly as the truth of the matter hit him. He'd… known, before. Felt it through her memories. This message made it… real. She meant it when she said she'd want to be his shinki. She meant it when she said she loved him like she loved her mother. A laugh escaped as he realized she was still being a little careful in the letter to not give away how the world of spirits and gods worked. 

'If I'm not yours, know that I don't blame you. It is ultimately your right to choose who you take under your wing. Just know I really appreciated all you did to help me, all the time you gave me. It made life fuller! That sunrise was my favorite birthday gift, and bird watching was always fun. Stargazing too. Everything! Just, thank you. So much.' 

Yato knew. He knew she'd loved every moment she could spend with her loved ones. And he counted in that category. And she… was his now. He heard, loud and clear, what she was telling him she wanted of him. And he would provide, as was his duty. 

'If I am though, then thanks once more, and you're welcome because I know I'll make… interesting company. Pretty useful too. And sorry for all the shenanigans I'll bring just by being me.' 

His gaze sharpened. That was… new. He didn't have memories of the writing of this letter, or anything else that related to these types of thoughts. How would she know? 

'Yeah, I'm weird and I know it. Or knew it. I'm not completely sure. You see, I'm aware Mari isn't the first person I was.' 

…What? What? That wasn't possible. Except it would make some things add up. Her intuitiveness, her sheer maturity, her acceptance of the dead and him. It would… fit? 

'I don't really know who I was before that, but from what I understand I wasn't just one person. I'm still not. There's probably two of me as one. Yes, it feels as strange as it sounds. It's also bound to bring something new to the table if I'm to be anyone's, well, ward.' 

And it already showed. Her blasts of sound based borderlines were unusual to say the least. What had he agreed to here!? But it wasn't… bad. Nothing malicious. 

'Hence, I'm writing this letter, because I won't be normal and you might find explanations helpful after… everything. If you don't already know. Things I'll be, was, for certain: 

Powerful, in some way, I don't know what. Might be rare or never seen before or have unfortunate drawbacks, or both. 

Intuitive, about many things, some more so than others. I may just know and not be able to explain how. 

Loving, cuz that's my nature. Towards you especially, since I doubt I'll forget entirely.' 

First and third points were fine. First, awesome! He had the best shinki right now, in his opinion, though Yukine had yet to settle. Third one was very Mari-like and… adorable, he supposed. Second one though? That was… concerning. 

'Another thing is… I might remember my past life eventually-' 

He had to stop there. Memories of… Sakura… played in front of his eyes, and he had to stop himself from reeling. That would be- That would be bad. He desperately needed more information. 

'-since there's still two of me, and death brings a type of clarity. Don't worry about that, it's not dangerous for me or you. That's for sure. It's NOT dangerous! Or even life altering. But it might be confusing, so be patient with me, please.' 

…How would she know all this? He'd never told her. Intuitive, she'd said. That wasn't much different from when she was alive, was it? She'd always understood the whole and people and life better than she should've. 

'Again, I'm sorry I couldn't keep up our status quo for longer. I hope what comes will be better. 

Thank you for your role in my life, Yato. 

Mari'

The letter dangled from his fingers as he tried to process everything he'd read on this scrap of discarded music sheet paper. In the end he just shook his head to clear it and dropped it back in the box that he then locked. It was something to think about, certainly, but for now all he had confirmed was that Kotone was a unique instrument regalia who truly did love him and was more accepting and understanding than usual. 

Everything else could come later, for now he had her and Yukine to look after and his future plans to focus on. This was just a thing to keep an eye out for, nothing more and nothing less. 

xXXx

"Yukine, we got a job~!" 

The teenager scoffed as he rose from staring into a pond in the park where Yato had taken them to observe birds. It was a bit dull if he was being honest. No idea how his fellow regalia was so content watching them sit on the waters doing nothing. Speaking of… 

"Why doesn't Kotone ever go?" 

"Eh? Of course she goes, she did yesterday!" 

Kotone finally looked up, seemingly curious herself. "Yukine-nii goes way more often." 

Yukine gave their god a hard stare, just willing him to slither out of this one. Blue cat-like eyes met his steadily, suddenly scarily flat and calculating. It was like the Yato they knew was suddenly a step away and a new one had slipped inside his skin. 

Kotone stepped up next to Yukine and right now it was a comfort. 

"Is it because it might be related to my life? I… feel like it's dangerous to know who we were." 

…Really? Yukine would've never thought of that. But Yato seemed to blink a little too hard and looked as though he was suppressing a shudder or something. 

"Dangerous how?" he asked. 

Because something was up. Kotone reached out to grab onto his elbow. She did that. Physical contact with her was common, as he'd come to know. 

"We might turn into ayakashi," she said. "Lose our name and become corrupt. Right?" 

He remembered fighting that ayakashi, a few even, and suddenly realized this made more sense than it should. They could become ayakashi. Suddenly knowing who he had been became very much unappealing. 

Yato sighed heavily and rubbed at his brow. "Kotone… You are entirely too intuitive. Yes. That's how it is, and why I can't bring you along this time. Are you okay waiting here?" 

She nodded, smiling a bit sheepishly somehow. She looked downright bashful. Yukine was glad she got that right though, now he understood something of a danger he hadn't known existed. 

"Yukine, we don't have time for daydreaming!" 

"Alright, alright! Coming…" 

He followed Yato as the god teleported them to another boring job where they'd undoubtedly clean a room or paint a fence or something. He did peek at Yato from the corner of his eye as he led them through the job. Before today he wouldn't really have described Yato as mysterious, but… 

He very much was, wasn't he? 

But he was also an idiot. 

xXXx