Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mumbo wasn’t breathing.

That was the only thought running through Grian’s head as he stared at his mustached friend. The other was clutching his throat, eyes growing wide and starting to tear up, and Grian was just standing there!

“Gri-” The choked off call brought Grian’s mind back to a more functional state.

“Water!” He shouted, as though reminding himself of what he could do to help. “Hold on, hold on, just a moment!” He was panicking, his voice shaking almost as much as his hands as he shifted through his inventory, hoping for a bucket or bottle he could quickly grab.

Mumbo had fallen to the ground by now, hands and knees hitting the wooden floor beneath them. Grian shot a glance towards him and felt some of that panic fall away as the other’s breath was coming back under control.

“I-I… I dont-” Mumbo rasped out, voice still a bit rough. “I don’t know what that was.”

Growling at his disorganization, Grian grabbed his Enderchest and began to place it, hoping it would have his early game mining setup of a Water/Lava bucket pair.

“I think I have some waaaAH!” Grian dropped the items he had grabbed, crying out in shock as a rush of pain surged through his body. His fingers spasmed, the starting point of the sensation, and it just continued from there.

It was only for a moment, but that moment hurt!

Mumbo looked up, concerned for his friend. He reached out his hand towards the other, and called out, “Grian!” At least, he tried to call out, but as soon as he started speaking, Mumbo’s throat began to tighten and seemed to collapse on itself all over again.

Grian felt his heart rate quicken again. There was something seriously wrong. He looked towards his Enderchest again, knowing he had seen his Mining Box in there, knowing it had water. His fingers still felt tingly from before, and he hesitated trying to open it again. He shot up and ran out towards his chest monster instead, not wanting to deal with whatever was going on, but knowing his friend still needed some help.

“Mumbo, Mumbo, I’ve got water, just breathe. You’re okay, just breathe. In, out.” Grian rambled, handing his friend the newly acquired water and rubbing the other’s back, giving at least a bit of support. There wasn’t much more he could do, really. It’s not like Mumbo had eaten something and was choking on it. All he could do was sit and be there.

When Mumbo started breathing regularly again, the two sat back together, leaning against the wall. “I really don’t know what that was, mate,” Mumbo breathed out, his hand rubbing his throat to soothe it. “It felt like someone was choking me, I just couldn't get any air out for a moment.”

His first thought was that it was someone with an invis-potion, but Grian immediately dismissed it. There is no way any of the Hermits would do something like this. They do pranks all the time, but never enough for bodily harm and actual damages. Never something like this.

“And what about your Enderchest! What was that?!” Mumbo said, gesturing wildly towards the offending box, still sitting there, the gentle hum of the End emitting from it as usual.

Grian dragged his eyes towards the Chest. He rubbed his hands together, though the sensation had now faded. “I have no idea…” He mumbled, “Though I don’t think I fancy trying to figure it out.”

Mumbo glanced at Grian’s hands and gently picked them up, trying to see if they were hurt or had any marks on them. “I mean… I don’t see anything?” He said, voice pitching upwards in uncertainty.

There was a moment of silence between the two of them before Mumbo opened his inventory and brought out his own Enderchest, clutching the small box in his hands. “We could see if it’s like some sort of bug or something?”

Mumbo barely got the words out before Grian was interrupting him. “No way, Mumbo! You want to try an- No!” He said, grabbing the other’s hands keeping the Enderchest from being placed. “It hurt! Why would you go and try and do it yourself?” The Builder’s voice was tight with anger.

“Not like that!, I mean, sort of- but that wasn’t the point! Come on, Grian-” No sooner had the words escaped his mouth than he felt the deep choking against his throat. He gasped out once more, his hands dropping the chest to clutch at his throat.

Grian’s hands shot away from the Enderchest reflexively, letting the small box clatter to the floor as his gaze stayed fixed on his friend.

“Mumbo, oh please oh please…” He cried out, pulling at his hair and starting to panic. Whatever this was obviously wasn’t just going away. The good news is that Mumbo seemed to find his breath far quicker than the other two times, as though he was getting used to the sensation of being choked randomly. The bad news is that he seemed to be getting used to the sensation of being choked randomly?!

While Grian gently picked up the Enderchest, certain it had something to do with all this, Mumbo kept a contemplative look on his face. “I think I might… Hmmm” He cut himself off, not really sure how to voice his thoughts. He stood up and brushed any dirt or dust from his trousers and helped Grian off the ground as well, glancing at him with a confused look on his face.

“What? You know what’s happening?” Grian said, shoving the small box into his inventory and looking hopefully towards his friend.

Mumbo hummed to himself once again. “I just, I don’t know why it would be this though?” His head tilted sideways as he shook with a panicked laugh “And, the whole Enderchest thing is even weirder! I mean, what's that all about?" He waved his hand, wanting to just brush the problem to the side.

“It’s the same thing, isn’t it?” Grian said, confused at Mumbo’s rambling, and still tense, as though waiting for it to happen again.

“I mean, maybe? But then, my idea wouldn’t really make sense then, if it was the chest.”

Grian shifted from one foot to another anxiously. “Well, what’s your idea?”

Mumbo rubbed his head nervously, as though embarrassed to share it, turning to face away from Grian, keeping his eyes downcast. “It could just be a coincidence!” What if he were wrong? He would feel ridiculous for even suggesting it. Seriously, how would it have happened in the first place?

His friend, trying to calm himself down and lighten the mood now that the two of them seemed to have a moment to breath, stepped in front of Mumbo and bent to look into his eyes. “Come on. It can’t be that bad!” He said with a strained smile.

Mumbo bit his lip, still hesitant to say anything.

“Mum~bo,” Grian shakily sang out, trying to meet his friend’s gaze.

Knowing there wasn’t much use in trying to keep a secret from the other, he took a deep breath and stood up straight. Placing his hands on Grian’s shoulders, he met the other’s eyes with a serious look “I think it’s your name.” He blurted it out, knowing it was going to sound stupid no matter what and he might as well get it over with.

Grian blinked and seemed to take a moment to really register what Mumbo had said.

“My… name?”

“All those moments started when I used your player name, mate,” Mumbo stated, eyes never leaving the other’s.

Grian tried to smile, tried to laugh off the ridiculous idea that he was the problem, “Come on, really? You think that just by-”

“No, dont!” Mumbo tried to stop him, hands reaching out to try and cover the other’s mouth.

”-saying ‘Grian-’” The Hermit’s words cut off as Mumbo saw for himself what Grian had watched multiple times just minutes before. The very air left Grian’s lungs and he gasped out for a moment as Mumbo knew a heavy pressure pushed down onto the other’s throat. He could only watch, hoping it would last the same short amount of time it had for him. While it was good to know his theory had some merit, it was awful to see his friend clutch his arms tightly for support and try to stay on his feet as worry immediately filled his eyes.

Grian breathed out again, giving a little cough as his frightened gaze met Mumbo’s own.  “What’s going on? Why is this happening?”

Mumbo didn’t know what to do. He’d never had to deal with anything like this before. “Look, lets just call Xisuma, right?” He suggested, trying to keep his voice calm for Grian’s sake. “He’ll probably know what’s going on, or.. or can find out if it’s like a bug or something, right? Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. He’ll know what to do,” Mumbo kept a hand on Grian’s back, guiding him as they walked towards the entrance where they could meet up with the Admin, and grabbed his communicator with his other hand, quickly typing out a message.

<To: XisumaVoid> Hey, would you mind hopping over to Grian’s base? Something’s up with his Player Name.

As soon as he hit Send, Mumbo felt that same feeling wrap around his throat as his air cut off. He dropped his communicator and it clattered on the ground, making Grian jump in surprise.

The other quickly turned to look at him after hearing the gasping sound.

“Mumbo!”

“Oh for goodness sake!” Mumbo cried out after he caught his breath again. “Chat too?!” He bent down to pick up the fallen comm, glancing at the screen to see what Xisuma actually received.

<To: XisumaVoid> MumboJumbo’s Message has been deleted due to inappropriate content.

<From: Xisumavoid>   Mumbo?? Is everything okay?

Grian looked at the screen, and pulled out his own comm. “Should I try?”

“No!!” Mumbo almost jumped to stop his friend. “It’s your player name! It’ll just happen to you too.” His voice was shaking from all the stress this situation was bringing.

“I’m not going to use my name, Mumbo” Grian rolled his eyes, holding his comm as though he were preparing to actually do it.

“It doesn’t matter what you type! Your name’s attached to the thing! It’s just going to cause problems!”

Grian pulled his shoulders in tight, making himself as small as possible. “... right, ‘wasn’t thinking of that…”

Mumbo mentally cried out in dismay at his friend’s behavior. Obviously this was a mess, but he didn’t have to go wording it like that. “Sorry… sorry, that’s not what I- I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He said, trying to comfort his friend, and bemoaning how that had come out.

“I’ll just send another to Xisuma. It’s fine.” He hugged Grian, pulling him close. “We’ll figure this all out.”

<To: Xisumavoid>  Sorry, that’s part of the problem. Could you meet us at G’s base? We’re at the entrance

<From: Xisumavoid>  Okay? Be there soon.

They’d get this all sorted. Their Admin would be able to fix this, and everything would be fine.

Chapter Text

Xisuma stared at his two players, both fidgeting nervously after they had explained the problem and Mumbo’s theory.

“....How?” Was all he could say, his eyes transfixed on Grian.

“Does that matter? Mumbo sputtered out, “We just need it fixed! It’s his name, Xisuma!”

The admin took a step closer to the panicking man, trying to placate him, “I know. we’ll fix this,” He turned towards Grian, and placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort. “I’ll get this figured out.”

Grian nodded, and quickly shoved into Xisuma permissions to access his personal Player File. “Here, it has to be something in here, right? I mean, it’s not tied with anyone elses name, it’s just mine , so I probably picked up a bug o-or something?” Admins could look deeper into those files than Players normally could, having a sworn duty to keep their charges safe and healthy when on Private Worlds.

“I’ll take a look,” Xisuma said, accepting the access. He pushed down the rush of joy knowing that his Players trusted him so much that Grian would give such open access, and instead tried to just focus on finding out what the problem was.

Opening the files, he brought up his own panels and began diving into the code, opening back folders and unlocking the hidden files. Grian and Mumbo just stood there, watching, waiting, and while Xisuma did his best to ignore them, the pressure of solving this grew larger as the minutes went by with nothing standing out as a problem.

Growling to himself, he tried to do another sweep, fully aware of Grian’s shifting and small sounds of discomfort as his Code was moved around.

“...Xisuma?” Grian said, leaning more into Mumbo’s hug when the Admin stayed quiet.

“I-I…. I really can’t see anything wrong, G.” Xisuma replied, offering his personal Admin screens as he read the other’s file.

Grian grabbed it and looked it over, stepping slightly away from Mumbo so the Redstoner wouldn’t see. Mumbo, for his part, stepped back as well, knowing that those were fairly private and wanting to respect him.

As a previous Admin himself, Grian knew how to read and work with the code, but that didn’t mean he had current access to it on Hermitcraft. Seeing it now, looking at it, Xisuma was right. There was nothing in there that shouldn’t be.

It was quiet as the three Hermits took in the information.

“So there’s nothing we can do?” Mumbo asked, worried about what would happen to his friend. “Mate, I think I need to sit down..” He mumbled, glancing around for a place to sit.

Grian immediately grabbed some wood and placed down a Crafting Bench to make a quick couch for him. The moment it was placed though, a familiar sensation rushed through his fingers and up through his body. “Uargh!” He cried out, dropping the wooden planks to the ground and stumbling back in pain.

Both his friends reached for him, crying out in worry, “Grian-!”

Xisuma found himself with a handful of shaking Grian and the inability to breath all at once. The suddenness of the two events caused him to lose balance just as Grian had, and the two of them collapsed to the floor in a heap.

Mumbo made a final gasp and got his air back, keeping his mouth shut so as not to accidentally call out to his friend again, while Xisuma tried to get over the choking feeling.

Taking a breath, Xisuma focused on what he’d just gone through and the sensation it gave. It was familiar in that it felt like he was trying to breathe the Overworld air without his filter, and yet, it felt almost deeper than that. It wasn’t just that the air was being stopped. The closest he could explain it was like trying to break Bedrock. Something about breaking Bedrock trembled deeper in him as a Player than if he were breaking any other common block in a World.

It wasn’t meant to happen.

The World didn’t want it to happen.

Well, if anything, that little mishap gave Xisuma a good place to look next. For now, though, “...Is this the same thing? Whatever that -” he said, wildly gesturing towards the placed Crafting Bench, ”-was?”

Grian stood up and rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid of the ache, “I guess so? I thought it was maybe an Enderchest bug or something,” He said, waving towards the one he had placed earlier and then turning to offer a hand down.

Xisuma took it and walked towards Grian’s placed items. He brought up his screens again, opening the Block Properties on the items. “Seems to me that this is directly tied to your name problem.” He grabbed a Tuff Brick from his own inventory and placed it down on the floor in front of the other two Hermits, showing them what he meant.

“Every block not naturally generated by the World Seed has Player data associated with it. Who placed it, when it was placed, things like that.

Mumbo and Grian looked at the screen in front of them as it highlighted Xisuma’s Brick, seeing his name light up in the data.

He shut the window and turned to look towards Grian’s Enderchest. “If it flags you typing the name in chat as well as saying it out loud, any block you place is going to have the same problem.” His eyes narrowed as he thought through what might be going on.

“I can’t even build right now?!” Grian shouted out, frustrated at the rising amount of activities that would hurt him. “What am I supposed to do?”

Xisuma turned back to his Hermit. “Just give me a day, I promise I’ll think of something.” 

Grian frowned, dropping his head as he slouched down. ”Even if it’s just a temporary fix, I will have something for you tomorrow.” Xisuma promised.

The builder sighed, knowing that the Admin would do his best. “Of course, ‘suma.” He gave a weak smile to his friend. Xisuma smiled back and was about to speak again before Mumbo interrupted the two of them.

“I think we need to say something to the rest of the Hermits pretty soon though. Gem is asking for help with Scar after getting a couple choking scares.” Mumbo turned his comm to show the server chat to his friends and the worried messages that were starting to pile up.

“Right, I’ll make an announcement and call a Meeting for tomorrow. We can explain what's going on and, if it’s temporary or not” the Voidwalker said with a nod towards Grian.

Bringing up his communicator, he started typing.

<Xisumavoid> @everyone, This is a general warning that I need you to take seriously. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT say ‘Grion’s name, either in person or in chat. @GeminiTay, I will visit you and Scar shortly to confirm it is the same problem.

<PearlescentMoon> Is he okay?

<Skizzleman> Wait did I miss something?

<Xisumavoid> Due to this issue, please be aware there will be a meeting tomorrow at the Hermit Permit Admin building. This is short notice, but try to be there and I will explain what we know. 

<iskall85> Do not say his name?!

<BdoubleO100> BdoubleO100’s Message has been deleted due to inappropriate content.

<ZombieCleo> Inappropriate?!

<RenDog> Double B!!

<Stressmonster101> Oh no! Are you alright?

<GoodTimesWithScar> Bdubs its okay, it should be over quick! 

<TangoTek> Is that what happens?

<Welsknight> What is going on here

<Xisumavoid> PLEASE Do not say G’s name! This is no joke

<GeminiTay> It really doesn’t look good guys

Xisuma gave a frustrated sigh as the Hermits continued to chat amongst themselves. He at least got the word out. Hopefully there won’t be any more problems till tomorrow. His comm continued to alert him of the discussion going on, but he ignored it for now as he turned back to Grian and Mumbo.“Hopefully we can get through the rest of the day with minimal problems.” 

Grian groaned and put his head in his hands. “What am I supposed to do till then? I can’t chat, I can’t place blocks. Can I even craft? Who knows what gets my name attached to it?”

Mumbo shot a helpless look towards Xisuma, who shrugged back. “You recently got your elytra. We could do some flying for a bit? Get your mind off this all? You love flying!” The redstoner was trying his best, and Xisuma was happy that Grian had someone with him right now.

“I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to see what I can do about this.” He sighed out, getting ready to leave the base.

Grian’s hand shot out, stopping him, “Really, I know this is a mess, and I’m sorry, so just… thanks”

The Voidwalker reached out and pulled him close. “As an Admin, it is my duty to protect my Players. And it is a duty I gladly take, no matter the problem.”

With those final words, the ‘ fwish’ of a firework shot out and Xisuma left, hoping to find something before tomorrow’s meeting.

Chapter Text

The next morning came far too slowly in Grian’s opinion. He and Mumbo spent the rest of the day riding around the server and checking other people’s bases out, trying to get their mind off of the obvious. They avoided the other players sometimes, Mumbo leading them in the most bizarre path through the various areas. His friend could tell that Grian was no in the mood to engage much with other people.

Grian really did love his friend.

When night came, Mumbo led them back to Grian’s own little base, deciding that they’d just rest in his Fishing hut where the two of them pushed some beds together for what Grian hoped would be a quick and quiet night. 

He eventually found his way to the waking world to the sounds of horses and the mumbled whispers of a familiar wide-eyed Hermit.

Stepping out into the light morning, Grian let his gaze fall on his two friends. Keralis had his head bowed against Pluto, Grian’s beautiful horse, and was brushing their mane and speaking to them gently. Mumbo was attempting to try and copy the movements on their own mount, but if anyone could make grooming a horse look awkward, Mumbo was the one to do it.

“Oh my! Good morning, sweet face,” Keralis said, moving towards Grian and opening his arms for a hug. 

Grian stumbled forwards and made his way into the embrace, still feeling tired. Maybe they’d ridden around too much yesterday, because he also felt sore too. He ignored the still tingling feeling coming from his hands and arms. He ignored the lingering feelings that had come from yesterday’s block placements because it wasn’t that. He was sore from riding too much. That’s all this was, and that’s fine. That’s a normal thing to happen. “Hey, Keralis,” He smiled, pushing his thoughts about the problem to the back of his mind. “What’re you doing around my neck of the river?”

“What? I cannot come see how my lovely Brian is doing?” Keralis replied, thankfully ignoring the flinch Grian made in anticipation of his name being said. The nickname, though obvious in hindsight, was appreciated and in fact made this whole interaction feel far more normal than he knew it was.

“While Pluto here definitely appreciates the visit,” Grian said, patting the animal gently as the beast tried to nibble his hair, “I’m assuming that X has something?” He knew that Keralis would have been by their Admin’s side as soon as they had seen something wrong yesterday. 

Xisuma tended to get carried away when trying to fix server problems, and while that was great from a Player standpoint, to have an Admin so dedicated to their Players and making sure they were safe and happy, Keralis was equally good about making sure the Voidwalker actually took some time to breathe and sleep if possible. And with the promise Xisuma had made to get something by this morning, Grian knew his friend would have been by his side for at least part of that.

“Okay, yes. Our dear Sheshwammy has asked if I could bring you over. He has an update for you.” Keralis smiled back, moving to get on his own mount to lead Grian to Xisuma’s base.

Mumbo made a surprised sound and moved towards the two of them, “Oh! Did you want me to come with you, Gri-”

Both Grian and Mumbo made aborted sounds as the Redstoner abruptly stopped talking before the pain could hit him, hands slapping quickly on his mouth as though to cut off any other noise from escaping. There was a moment of silence between all three hermits as they waited with bated breath if Mumbo had stopped himself in time.

Grian let out a sigh when his friend showed no sign of choking. “I… I think I’ll be fine. Thanks though,” he said with an appreciative smile, knowing Mumbo was trying his best to be there for him. Grian turned back towards Keralis and hopped on Pluto, ready to ride off. “Let’s get this over with, then”

~

“I think I’ve figured it out.” Xisuma said, eyes darting across the various screens in front of him.

Grian stood across from him down in the lower portions of the Admin’s temple while Keralis was off in Xisuma’s little Bee farm, still able to see them, but giving the two Hermits some privacy as Player Code was being discussed. “What are we looking at?” Grian said, swallowing hard and shaking his hands to bring a little bit of feeling back into them. It was getting harder to ignore the aching feeling that filled his body. 

“Well, after yesterday’s little debacle and getting a feeling for it myself-” Grian winched at the reminder of his Admin going through that pain “- I knew it was directly tied to the World Code rather than it being something on our end as a Player or even Admin.” Xisuma swiped a panel to the side and flipped it around to show Grian. “Your name is somehow banned by the very World itself.”

Grian grabbed the screen and stared, eyes growing wide as he looked at the list infront of him. 

When creating a World, Admins had many powers and abilities to add or take away certain features tied only to their server. One such ability was the idea of banned words, ones which would be auto-blocked in the chat and in person if someone tried to use them, as well as Players not being allowed to have them in their Server Playernames.

Hermitcraft was pretty open and chill. Grian didn’t know of any words Xisuma had banned or blocked. No, instead Grian was looking at a list of words the very World would not allow. No matter how hard an Admin tried, unless they got involved with Hackers, every World would have these blocked off from the start.

To see his own Player Name in a list with the very vilest of ideas, phrases, and terms, made Grian feel a bit sick… Or maybe it was the fact that the very World seemed to constantly be pushing against him for having his name right now.

He was lucky Xisuma had set the Server rules to not auto-kick players with inappropriate names or who used inappropriate language. That would have been far worse a hassle to deal with. Instead, Grian just had to deal with watching his friends suffocate around him as well as electrical shocks at every place of a block. No problem! Haha!

Xisuma must have noticed Grian growing too stressed. He placed his hand on top of Grian's, gently taking the screen back and closing the window. “If it were in the Server banned list, I could take your name out immediately and this would all be fixed, but since it’s in the World list…” His words drifted off.

“It’s a bit harder to get that without hacks,” Grian said, frowning.

“I can still do it,” Xisuma quickly reassured him, “I just need a little longer, and I came up with a temporary solution so we don’t have to all be worried about chatting to you at least, and you’d be able to build and interact with things again.”

Grian glanced up, a hopefully look in his eyes at what his Admin was going to suggest.

“See, looking at your file,” Xisuma continued, bringing up another screen, “it seems like you already have alternate names set up that we could switch you to temporarily.” It glowed brightly for a moment before flipping around so Grian could see it. 

Grian grabbed his Player File and continued to listen to Xisuam, “We could create a new name for you, but that would take extra time on my end to help set up. We’d have to go to the Main Hub for that too, and get it properly registered so the World will read it.” Grian nodded unconsciously and instead just focused his gaze on the two other names in his file. He’d almost forgotten about them… forgotten that those identities had been so intrinsically tied to his very being that they’d show up here.

Xisuma was still speaking, his voice drifting in and out as Grian tried to focus and ignore the headache that was forming. “I’d rather not have to do that, since by the time we get it all set up, I could have been able to clear your original name. Plus, you wouldn’t be able to return to Hermitcraft until the new name was connected.” The Admin spoke, his voice heavy with worry. “With you already having alternate Playernames setup, it would be far easier to just switch over to one of these two.”

Grian closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing so his friend didn’t see. He’d be lucky if Xisuma didn’t hear the pounding in his heart at what he knew was coming. “And I’m assuming you have a preference.” He said in a deadpan tone.

Xisuma turned his head slightly away, shoulders pulling back in what Grian knew was a sign of discomfort. “Since Xelqua is in the Watcher’s Tongue, I can’t imagine you’d like hearing it too often..” Grian continued, trailing off as the other shivered from the power his Watcher name held.

Watchers were not very well loved by the majority of Players, Grian’s own feelings towards them were far from positive. There was a certain relationship between Watchers and Voidwalkers though that went far deeper, their histories intertwined so deeply. Most of it was forgotten, but you always knew when the Watcher’s Tongue was spoken. Players would feel a slight ring in their head for a moment, nothing too intrusive, and it was fairly innocent, just enough to know that what had been spoken had been in their language.

For Xisuma though, the Watcher’s language pierced so much deeper. Grian hadn’t felt it himself, seeing as he was no Voidwalker, but the slight twinges and shrugs of discomfort Xisuma made when Xelqua had been spoken were obvious to see.

“Hey, don’t worry about me.” Xisuma broke through Grian’s thoughts, obviously seeing the hesitancy. “This is going to be your name for the next little bit. I want to make sure you’re happy with it, Gria-” His words choked off as a familiar ragged gasp escaped his throat, his hands coming up unconsciously to grab at nothing. Grian took half a step towards him, grimacing as his friend felt the wrath of the World hit him.

This was his fault. It was his name that was causing the problem, it was his mess that Xisuma was trying to clean up. The least he could do was give the Voidwalker a break.

“No, it’s fine. I’m not too fond of my Watcher stuff either.” Grian swallowed hard and turned the screen back towards Xisuma. “Let’s switch my name to the other one.” He said, wanting to get it over with. “It’ll be better for everyone.”

Grian stepped back and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the images flashing through his mind. Blue polos and white ears. The heavy pressure of headphones constantly pushing against his head, the sound of crinkling plastic. The smell of blood… everywhere.

He could almost feel the reluctancy coming from his friend. Fair enough, Grian wasn’t exactly giving off the vibes that he was happy with any of these decisions, but one had to be made, and this one was the easiest.

There was a long moment where nothing happened, where he knew Xisuma was waiting for him to object, but he kept his eyes closed and ignored the tightness in his chest. He felt it the moment Xisuma put the command though. He let out a deep breath as his whole body began to relax again now that the World was no longer fighting him. The constant pressure and achiness was immediately gone. He could do this… His hands shook as he grabbed a piece of stone from his inventory. He looked up to meet his friend’s eyes, both of them wary something still may go wrong.

Placing a block down and feeling no pain, he tried to smile at the Admin, happy that they at least had a semi-workable fix for now.

He could do this. 

Xisuma let out an equally relieved breath. He placed a hand on the other’s shoulder. “Glad we’ve got that all figured out then, Taurtis .”

Grian wanted to cry.

Chapter Text

Pearl leaned forwards in her chair, hands clasped beneath her chin as her gaze never left Grian’s face. He was shifting around next to Scar and Mumbo, avoiding everyone’s eyes as the other Hermits tried, and failed, to subtly look at him.

The Postmaster kept her silence even as she heard Xisuma’s announcements and the cacophony of noise that rose up from everyone else at Grian’s condition. And it was a strange condition to be sure. Pearl had never heard of such a thing happening, and she’d seen a lot of things through the years.

This strange happenstance to the side though, Pearl was more worried about how Grian was going to get through it. Even just looking at him made her worry. His eyes were slightly red, while his shoulders were hunched in, trying to make himself look smaller. His hair was sticking up like he’d run his hands through it multiple times. He was stressed, and Pearl knew exactly why. She knew what Taurtis meant to Grian, and all the trauma associated with it. 

While she hadn’t been there herself, she had learned all about Taurtis and Grian’s High School days. She had seen her little brother closed off in his room, holding a pair of dingy headphones, splattered with old blood stains, wearing an unfamiliar blue t-shirt and suspenders. She had seen him start to respond to the other players when they had called for Taurtis’ attention, and she’d seen how he’d quickly have to make excuses or just laugh it off as not paying attention, that it was nothing more than that.

Pearl had seen a lot after all Grian had gone through. She had seen him collapse into her arms and cry, admitting that a part of him hated the fact that Taurtis was on the server with them. She’d heard him confess that being around his friend was so hard sometimes, to hear Taurtis’ name and have to remind himself that he was Grian and not Taurtis . He was Grian, an exchange student who had only gone to his school for the last couple months and had not grown up on that server. Grian, who had not had to deal with the death of his girlfriend, or had to deal with any girlfriend. Grian, who hated those stupid Torito chips and definitely didn’t eat plastic or any such nonsense that Sam forced on to him. He was Grian .

She was there and had tried her best to assure him that it was alright to have those feelings, that Taurtis would understand if Grian needed a little space for a bit. She was there when he shouted hateful comments and accusations at himself for thinking that of his friend, because despite having Taurtis’ identity shoved on to him for weeks, Grian still loved him and wanted them to stay close. 

Pearl was there for it all.

And now Pearl gets to watch it happen all over again.

The moment Xisuma finished the meeting, she stood up and marched directly over to her sibling, not letting him slip away. Not under her watch. He ducked his head down to hide a grimace, but Pearl was not going to let this go.

She reached out and pulled him into a hug, speaking softly to keep it private between the two of them. “Griba… was this seriously all you could come up with?” She asked.

Grian hugged her back, sinking a bit into the hold as his fingers gripped her tight, accepting that she was here and gratefully taking the comfort. “X says this’ll be a good solution for now so we don't have any mishaps with me building or people chatting.” He exhaled, sounding just as tired as he looked.

“Yeah, okay” She scoffed, “But unless you’ve decided to suddenly become very open about your old high school days, I don’t think Xisuma really gets what’s going on.”

The silence that followed was all the proof she needed. “You can’t seriously think this is a good idea?” Pearl had seen him do stupid things in the past, but this seemed a bit much.

Grian tensed and shrugged out of her hug, turning away to try and escape her, though didn’t pull completely away when Pearl kept a hold of his hand, encouraging him to stay. She hated seeing him so defensive and flighty, but it wasn’t an unfamiliar sight. Grian was good at avoiding his personal problems. “Look, it happened a long time ago, and we both know that X will get this fixed as soon as he is able. Really, there shouldn’t be a problem!” Grian tried to comfort her, though the smile fell flat as what little life had been in his eyes was slowly leaving. 

“Does anyone else even know who Taurtis is to you?”

“Mumbo knows…” Grian muttered, almost pouting at the admission. Pearl closed her eyes and breathed out at those words.  At the bare minimum he had someone else. If he wasn’t going to go to her, there was someone else who could help him right now. “I’ll be fine, Pearl. Really.” He tried to assure her.

Pearl looked at Grian, staring deeply at her little brother, her friend who has gone through far too much in his life. “Promise me you’ll come to me, go to X, to Mumbo, I don’t care who…if it gets too much for you, please just talk to us”.

Grian sighed dramatically, giving an exasperated “Fine, mom ” with a roll of his eyes. She knew he took it seriously though when he squeezed her hand and gave her a soft smile.

Pearl let his hand go as he pulled away, knowing that that was the most she was going to get from him. There were few people who could change his mind once it was made up, and as Pearl watched Grian start talking to Mumbo and the other Hermits who had come up to chat with him, she knew that this would be one of those times where she could only watch.

She closed her eyes and sagged a bit, calling out to the Void, to whoever might listen, that Grian would keep his promise and go to someone if it got too much.

Chapter Text

The meeting had gone as well as it could, in Grian’s opinion. It had only been a couple hours, but he’d quickly left to find some solitude, get away from other hermits’ questions, and not think about it anymore. Overall, he felt much lighter and in a far better mood. 

Grian stepped back and wiped his hands on his pants, brushing away the wood and dirt that had gathered on his clothes. He ran an eye over his newest creation. Since playing around with the snails earlier this season, he wanted to try and find new little critters to play with. It was a fun game between him and Gem. Maybe this guy would head over to Skizz’s base or something. Who knows…

Either way, Grian was happy to see a cute little Walrus sitting on the bank of the river, as though the creature had just come up from the water.

“Oh. My. Goodness!!” 

A familiar voice from above him called out, swooping in and landing with an excited squeal. “This is adorable!” Gem’s voice cried out, smiling and waving her hands in excitement.

Grian laughed at her reaction, happy to see her so overjoyed at his work. He was happy to see her at all, really. He was a social creature, he loved his friends, and now he was in a much better mood to engage. Grian moved to the side to let her get a proper look at it, stashing his extra blocks away now that he was finished.

“What is this little guy doing here?” Gem cooed, rubbing the plank that made up its head. “Gr- er… Taurtis,” she stuttered at the new name, “It’s adorable!”.

For a moment, her voice twisted into a mockery of Sam’s own sickeningly sweet voice, speaking to Grian like he was a child, always talking down to him. ‘ You’re Taurtis now, okay? I need to have my friend Taurtis’. He pushed down the instinct to flinch and brushed the sound away, focusing on keeping a big smile on his face. “Yeah! I was just playing around. Don’t quite know what I’ll do with him yet.”

Nothing was wrong, so just act like everything is okay. He wouldn’t worry his friends. He couldn’t worry his friends - He literally chose this, Xisuma asked him, and Grian chose this, so stop it. He wanted to spend some time with someone. He wanted to hang out with his friends.

“Does he have a name? I think this little cutie needs a name,” Gem said, standing up to meet Grian’s eyes.

He shrugged, honestly not having thought about it before. “I’m open to ideas if you have any. There might even be an extra fence and some ink sacs in my chests for you too.” He stood up to walk over to his chest monster but stumbled as Gem raced past him, giggling.

“Me, me, me! I wanna name him.” She began rummaging through his chests, searching for a free sign and some ink to mark it properly.

Grian just laughed and sat down, content with just watching Gem do her magic. He listened as she rambled out different ideas of names, all so ridiculous that he was happy to let her have her fun with it. He closed his eyes and just breathed, giving himself a moment.

“Oh!” Gem’s voice startled him out of his moment of quiet. She was looking at the chests with a curious look in her eyes, a small metadata menu open beside her. “Hey, did you know your chests still say ‘G’ instead of switching to ‘Taurtis’?” Gem called back, her voice raised in confusion at seeing his original name still tied the blocks.

Grian turned to look at his build, at all the blocks he placed days and weeks ago. “Really?” He chirped out with a smile, walking up to one of the Fishing Hut’s wooden pillars so he could see for himself. He brought up the block’s data menu, and sure enough, there stood [Stripped Spruce Plank] and all the information associated with it, complete with date placed and player name.

The text ‘Grian’  sat in that menu, staring up at him and he couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped. A burst of happiness shot through him at seeing his work still attributed to him and not to Taurtis, even if it would have only been a temporary change. The feeling faded as he turned back towards his newest creation, though.

He stared for a moment, mind piecing together what that would mean for the other build, and quickly looked back at the open menu in front of him. His gaze so intent, he missed the growing look of concern on Gem as she followed his gaze.

He turned and took small but steady steps towards the little walrus, the fences and planks sitting silently, and yet Grian felt as though they were screaming at him. The small button eyes stared innocently at him as he tapped into the [Dark Oak Stair] that made up the animal’s head.  ‘Oh Taurtis~ ’ rang Sam’s voice through his head as he read the name attached to the build. The sound seemed to pierce into his head, the manic laughter of his old friend.

Even after all this was over with, it would still be there, reminding him that Grian would never be completely free of Sam’s torture.

Everything seemed to go fuzzy at that. He was already struggling just seeing that name in chat occasionally. He was already getting a headache by hearing it said so much. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle that innate knowledge of it just being there, long after they had left this server behind. Taurtis, just taunting him, seeing in the code.

He didn’t even notice Gem had come to stand by his side till her words broke through the rushing thoughts.

“Hey, that’s kind of cool? It’ll be like a little keepsake from this little adventure!” She sounded tense, happy in the way that you knew they were just trying to convince themselves everything was okay. The tone was questioning, asking if it really was cool, was it really okay that it was like this. ”I mean, I’m sure it sucks now, but I could totally see this being something we laugh at down the line. Right?” Gem bent down to pet the critter, hands touching the tainted blocks. “Kind of like the Death Loops Scar gets stuck in-” She laughed, “Or, or how last season, Tango accidentally locked Zed in his Citadel for Decked Out.” 

Grian tried to take in her words, tried to pull himself back to the present. He could see the value in what she was saying. He knew they were true. At the time, those moments were always hard to live through, seeing his friends go through pain and fear at the loss of control and being put in uncertain circumstances. Yet, many previous ‘victims’ now joked and laughed about those incidents, happy to have a funny story to share with friends.

The Hermits were good at keeping things light, but Grian didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at any build of his and know the World would say it was built by ‘Taurtis’. He felt sick even seeing her touch it, Sam’s taunts coming into his mind, fighting for attention, Demanding attention.

Taurtis, come on - You’re not doing a very good job, Taurtis - Stop Playing Games, TAURTIS!

He swallowed harshly and shoved the voice away, letting out a shaky laugh, “That would be something,” he said tightly, though he quickly brought out his ax and gestured for her to move back. “I think… uh, I think I might want to move him, though. It doesn’t quite match my whole aesthetic here.” He immediately started breaking the creation, hastily shoving each block in his inventory. “Maybe I’ll find a new home for it, or something.” 

Gem had quickly stepped back, her face falling at Grian’s hurried actions. “Oh, yeah.. I mean, looks aren’t everything but… If you think so.” Grian could hear her confused tone at his behavior. He didn’t want to acknowledge it. He didn’t want to even think about it.

There was a distinct feeling in the air that she wanted to say something, but Grian was steadfastly ignoring her, cleaning up the build site so it looked like it had never happened. He stumbled a moment when he accidentally dug too deep and removed an extra dirt block. His hands immediately moved to put it down again, but he forced himself to stop from placing any more blocks. Gem just watched as he left the small hole, eyeing the obvious dirt in his shaking hands. He finally stepped back, intent on just ignoring it, and Gem tentatively reached out to him, “A-are you okay, Gria-”  “Taurtis”, he said curtly, turning and giving her a dead smile. “It’s Taurtis, remember?”

Gem frowned at his words. “...right”, she said slowly.

“And I’m fine, really!” He swung around and stashed the dirt in his inventory, stepping lightly back towards his dock. “I’m just a bit tired of building right now. I’m just going to do some fishing instead.”

Gem continued to frown at him. She looked at where the little build had been, where a small hole still remained, a worried look growing on her face.

Grian fought the rising panic at the thought of his friend pushing the issue. He wanted her to just leave it, let him live in denial for however long this lasted. He brought out his fishing pole and shot a line into the water.

“Gri….” She started talking and Grian couldn’t help but tense. She must have noticed how uncomfortable he was getting because she let out a sigh and let the matter drop. Instead, she just said, “Any fish you catch will also have your player name in its data.”

He dropped the pole as though it burned him.

The two of them stood silently, neither of them addressing the elephant in the room. The moment passed and Gem cleared her throat and clapped her hands together, putting on an air of forced chipperness to try and move past all of this. “Er, so since it seems like you’re not busy, want to see what I’ve been doing? ‘Got a couple of little tricks I’ve tried that I want your opinion on.” She smiled and offered her hand to him, face softening into a more genuine look.

Grian closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, accepting his friend's offer to get his mind off of it all. Together they started towards her side of the river, hands still clasped. He breathed out a small “Thank you”, and Gem gave a squeeze in response.

Chapter Text

“Taurtis, come on. You’re doing it all wrong. If you would just listen and do it right! We wouldn’t be having all these problems!” 

The voice of Sam filled Grian’s mind as he stared out at the water, his feet dangling in and making small ripples. The waves moved and distorted his vision, the blue growing eerily similar to the blue Sam kept shoving in his face.

“I-I just need a break, please Sam. J-just one morning, let me be myself!” His voice was hoarse, though he had hardly used it these past few days. Instead, it felt rough and bruised from the manhandling Sam had put him through whenever Grian tried to get him to stop, tried to just be himself and not perform every second of the day.

Sam shook his head, tutting out that name, “Taurtis, Taurtis, Taurtis, you jokester,” He let out a little laugh and ignored the request.

“Maybe we can just relax today? You could… go to the hospital, maybe see a patient or something?” Grian suggested, tone weak, but hopeful, just trying to get Sam to leave him alone for a couple hours. 

Sam twitched and a look came over his eyes, a glint that Grian did not like. “Oh?” He asked, moving closer to Grian. “The hospital?”

Grian tried to move backwards but found his feet caught on Taurtis’ school supplies that had been shoved at him that morning, 

Sam continued on, “And why would I need to see anyone at the hospital, Hmm?” He tilted his head as his hands shot out to keep Grian in place, “It’s not like I know anyone there. I have Taurtis right here,” Sam’s voice was light, a complete contrast to the heavy grip he had on Grian’s arms, holding them down so he couldn’t move away.

“Besides, we still have school today. And we don’t want to miss our classmates, they love you, Taurtis. Who wouldn’t want Taurtis?

I’ll always need Taurtis around, so I’m not letting you leave, okay, Taurtis?

You’re stuck with me, Taurtis!

Taurtis and Sam.

I’ll be Sam, and you’ll be Taurtis, forever!

Taurtis

Taurtis!

“ Taurtis! Hey, Taurtis!” 

More voices joined in calling out the name. Grian felt himself lean forwards, just trying to get away from the name. He clutched his head tight and covered his ears, making a keening sound so as to maybe drown in out.

“Taurtis! I need that permit office open, Taurtis. And don’t go telling me about those stupid hours, I mean really. Anyone would be lucky to be helping me with my amazing tasks!” 

Joel’s words blended with the rest of Grian’s thoughts, that name being chanted over and over in his head, a demanding voice shouting out to him, never letting him rest, always howling for attention

“I filled out your stupid forms, and I have another one I want. Come on, Tuartis!”  A hand touched him, turning him, forcing him to do what they wanted. Just like Sam… Why was everyone just like Sam? Why did he have to think about Sam?

A body appeared in front of him and squatted down so they were at equal heights.

“...What?” Grian replied numbly, looking slowly up at his friend.

His focus came back to the present and he found himself on Hermitcraft. He blinked a couple more times, as though to assure himself that he wouldn’t suddenly be back at his old High School. “Joel?” 

There was silence as Joel just stared at him. He must look like a mess, if the growing look of concern on his friend’s face told him anything.

“Grian-” Joel hesitantly started, only to immediately jerk back and violently choke after saying his name. Any lingering flashes of his past left him as Grian shot up to help stabilize the other.

“Please…. Please don’t.” Grian begged, “Just….What’d you need, Joel?” 

“What the heck was that abo-” He tried to speak, but Grian quickly shut him down.

“I don’t want to talk about it, so please…” He let out a shaky breath, “What can I do for you, Joel?” He said again, putting on a smile.

There was a tense stare off between the two of them, and it felt like it did with Gem, with his friends watching him fall apart, and trying to do their best to help him, but he can't…. He can’t.

He can do this, if they would just let him. It’s just for a few days, he can do this.

A part of him was thankful it was Joel. Out of everyone, Joel was one who Grian had seen avoid and ignore his own problems, always showing them to the side to just get over them, and while Grian hated it before, now he was thankful, because surely that would mean Joel would let him do the same thing, right? Grian could ignore it, Joel could ignore it, and they could move on with their day.

The other eventually let out a sigh before squaring his face and clapping his hands together “If you insist. It’s only right, I mean, this is about your stupid Permit Office. Come on! It’s Sunday, 1:12 pm, and if you don’t get that office open, you’re going to really regret it.”

Grian shook his head and smiled, letting out a deep breath. He knew he could depend on Joel to just let him do this. “Okay, I know for a fact it was only Tuesday this morning, so you’re going to have to come up with something better than that if you want me to open the office.” 

Grian really should have let Mumbo stay with him that morning. That, or headed over to Gem or Scar’s when they asked him for breakfast earlier. Being alone wasn’t good for him right now, even if it meant dealing with that stupid name. Better to hear it from friends than hear it from Sam in a flashback. 

“Well, someone missed office hours earlier this week. And me, being the generous person that I am, I am willing to let it slide just this once, especially if you were to open within the next, say… five to ten minutes so we can actually deal with these stupid forms.”

Grian chuckled at his friend’s continued speech, knowing the bug only started Sunday evening, and that Joel had been the one to miss the hours earlier. He watched as the other Hermit continued to mumble to himself, “...Really, I mean, Missing business hours? What kind of loser would do that? Not me, oh no. I’m not a loser.” Grian just smiled at his friend’s little rant and played along, feeling relieved that Joel had come to hang out with him and get him moving. They were just going about, playing their silly little games with each other. It was good, and it was normal. 

Grian followed behind Joel as his friend just barged into the building, ‘breaking’ the glass door at the front, completely ignoring the sign and disrespecting the rules Grian worked so hard to put in place. “Hey now, you need to use the other door,” He said with a small grin, starting to feel a little better. Joel was good at that. He was absurd and in your face and had the perfect balance of rudeness when he played games. It went beautifully with Grian’s own brand of mischief.

“Well, I don’t see anyone stopping me,” The other said, not even looking back to acknowledge Grian. “Okay, do your thing,” He shooed him towards the counter, “Go back there, let's see if we can’t figure this out.”

Grian had already started moving to the back but slowed in his steps, voice far softer as he spoke. “Seeing as this is during unofficial hours, there might not be much that can be done, but I can do a preliminary check for you on your status.”

He would play the office game and get his mind off of this all, but he didn’t think he’d be able to actually code up the new permits, not with the knowledge that they’d be marked as ‘ Taurtis’ . Underneath the playful words was a request for his friend to understand an unspoken plea.

I can’t make them right now, please. I want you here, but don’t make me make them right now…

Joel must have seen something in Grian’s posture, maybe his tone held some of his reluctance, or maybe Joel was remembering the state he had found Grian in initially. Either way, the other just let out an exaggerated eye roll and started complaining, “Of course I can’t get it done today. That would have been too easy, and we can’t have things being easy here in the stupid Permit Office. I mean, seriously.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “That is all fine though.”

Of course, whatever you need, Grian. 

“-And hey! This’ll get me at least one step closer to getting the form done. Got to beat Scar, you know.” Joel drawled out, “I heard he’s trying to get something here too. Bet you I can figure out your little Office Games before he does.”

Grian let out a chuckle, “Good luck with that,” Seeing as how Grian himself didn’t know all the rules and requirements, he honestly didn’t know which of the two of them would get their request completed first.

As Grian walked into the back room to change into his official Permit Office Uniform, he heard Joel continue to talk, making noise just for the sake of it. They were similar in that way, not liking silence and were content with filling it themselves if need be.

“So yeah, I of course filled out the Fake Permit form perfectly as required by your stupid rules, Tuartis, just wait till you see this beauty.” A slap sound came from the front where Joel must have hit the book against the counter. It was the form book, right? It wasn’t their high school textbooks, with Sam in the room next door, complaining about the homework they had just gotten, right…?

Maybe Joel wasn’t the best choice to hang out with right now. Something about his cadence, his speaking patterns… It was Joel out there. It wasn’t Sam. Sam was in the other room waiting for him to come back, it was Joel, it was his friend. 

His arms shook as he buttoned up the shirt and finally walked out to face his friend.

“Taurtis! Finally, took you long enough,” Sam-Joel- scoffed, “I was half wondering if you’d left me. Not that I’d think you’d actually leave.”

“You won't ever leave me Taurtis,” Sam said, grinning with wild eyes

Grian jerked back when Sam-Joel- reached for him, slamming himself against the drawers behind him. “Stop! Sam, dont! ” He cried, pushing the hands back.

His harsh breathing was the only sound as Joel stared at him, hands still outstretched in his previous attempt to grab Grian.

“I-I can’t do this right now.” He stammered out, sliding down the side of the drawers. He felt exhausted. The mental energy to stay present, the energy it was taking to not blame his friends for accidentally bringing up trauma when he had literally asked them to do it… It was too much.

“I-I…. Taur- No, wait. G-Gri, I was just-” Joel stuttered out, “Sorry”.

~~~

Joel watched as his friend broke down, and he knew that it was all his fault. He’d stepped too far. It was fun and games with Grian most of the time, but Joel was his friend, and could tell the other was getting bothered by the continued name calling. He had seen Grian at his base… had seen him be so out of it. Joel never should have let the other shove it to the side. Not to this extent. This was too much. 

He took a step back, making to leave, when Grian called out from behind him, voice so quiet he almost didn’t hear it. “...please stay.”

Joel swallowed his worries and turned back around. He watched for a moment as Grian rocked back and forth against the wall, light enough that Joel wasn’t worried about the other hurting himself. It was just a soothing motion.

He took a couple steps closer and waited to see if Grian would protest. When no new words were spoken, Joel walked around the desk and slid down beside Grian, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and tugging him close, just being there.

They sat there for long enough that Joel’s thoughts had drifted towards others, like what he should say, if he should bring this up at all to Xisuma, how he should handle this whole situation really. It was so quiet between the two of them that he almost jumped when Grian’ spoke up.

"We went to High school together. Sam, Taurtis, and I, we were all friends and spent basically everyday with each other."

Joel hardly wanted to breathe. The knowledge that “Taurtis” was a completely different player and not just an old name of Grian’s changed so many things. There weren't many reasons he could think why Grian would have his friend's name under his own code, and none of them were good.

“We were friends, me and Sam.” Grian was tapping his fingers against his leg, drumming out some sort of mindless pattern. “At least, I’d like to think it was true.”

Joel didn’t look over, and instead just hummed out to show Grian he was listening. It was obviously a difficult topic based on how the other’s voice shook, how soft he was speaking.

“We were friends, and he just sort of… broke?” Grian said, struggling to find the right words to say. “Sam, H-he hurt Tuartis, and he couldn’t accept it, and I was there, I was his friend…” He breathed out the word, as if reminding himself that once upon a time that was the case. 

“Tuartis was his friend too, though… they were so close.” He sobbed, almost choking on the words to get them out. “Sam didn’t want to live without Taurtis, but Taurtis was injured, he needed to heal… so I was the only one there.”

A sickening feeling came over Joel as Grian explained his story. He hoped desperately for his friend it wasn’t going where he thought it was going, but he couldn’t say he was surprised when Grian’ uttered his next lines.

“‘Grian’ wasn’t needed anymore, so I became Taurtis.” 

Joel honestly didn’t know if Grian even recognized that he had activated the bug, if he had even noticed the additional pain and choking feeling when the blond was already so choked up from recounting the experience. 

Joel was trying to stay strong and let his friend just express himself, he really was, but it was getting harder with every word spoken.

“He must have known the server admin or something. They got it entered into my player code, obviously, but more than that… too many people went along with it. Too many people were scared of him, I guess.” Grian remembered feeling helpless as he watched everyone around him deny that “ Grian” was ever a thing. He remembered losing his sense of self as the days went by of him being forced to be his friend… of watching both Sam and Taurtis gaslight him and anything he said.

Grian’s voice drifted into silence and the two sat there. Joel didn’t know what he should be doing right now. There didn’t seem to be too much he could do, and that made everything worse.

“You remind me of him, sometimes.”

A jolt of pain shot through Joel after hearing those words. This ‘Sam’ had scarred Grian so badly, had been such a bastard to him in ways that Joel knew were more numerous than just what Grian was sharing right now. To be compared to someone like that, it hurt. But Joel also knew his friend, and he knew Grian wasn’t saying this to be mean. He pushed down the pain and bit his lip to keep his mouth shut. He knew that what Grian needed right now was for someone to just listen.

Grian’s voice was wistful and had a touch of longing. “The way you demand things, and get so outraged when things don’t go your way.” Grian teased, poking Joel to emphasize his point. “You make it so fun, and get us laughing…"

Joel snickered at his friend’s words, the brief indignant feelings being pushed to the side to let his friend talk... He knew what he was like. Obviously, he’s the one who acted like that. It was a show, and one he knew Grian had fun with, just as many of his other friends did too.

Grian relaxed and smiled back, continuing to speak, “Sam used to do it like that too…” His voice, full of nostalgia. He leaned his head back and continued to share. “How confident you are in yourself and the choices you make. Even when you make a mistake, it’s either all part of your plan, or it’s someone else's mistake. Not you, you’re not stupid, we’re stupid.” 

Joel mumbled a quiet “-well, I mean, obviously-” under his breath just loud enough for Grian to laugh at.

“I think that’s a part of why I was first drawn to you,” Grian’s voice grew even softer, “It was familiar enough that I remember the good times, that I can know it’s okay for me to still have fond memories of him and Taurtis, even when it was all falling apart.” His eyes were distant as he spoke of his past, growing sadder as he accepted what was done. “And it makes it more than obvious that he was wrong in what he did. In what he became. He could have respected my boundaries, could have owned up to his own mistakes and not pushed them on to others.” Grian stopped there for a moment, swallowing hard, before turning to look at Joel. “He would have been lucky to be a bit more like you.”

Joel felt like his face was burning. The words held such respect and care and it was all directed at him. He didn’t know how to handle it. How was he supposed to react to such a statement?! Joel cleared his throat and looked away, puffing his chest out in false bravado. “Well of course he would have, who wouldn’t be better off if they were more like me?! I mean really. Obvious much?” He scoffed and rolled his shoulders. “As one of the most humblest and most handsomest players out there, I’ve known this for a while, but it is nice to see someone else recognizing my genius. Like, come on!” He was rambling, as he often does when he starts to get embarrassed. 

He knew sometimes he could be a bit much for others, and he’s had plenty of arguments with people when they took him too seriously and thought his behavior was wrong or entirely egotistical. Being here, having the other Hermits and knowing that they understood him just like his previous servers had… 

It was starting to feel a bit overwhelming in the best ways.

And here was Grian, just shoving some more of it in his face! This wasn’t about him! Grian was obviously going through so much right now, and here Joel was, trying not to panic himself after hearing those words. Oh god, how was he supposed to handle this? He was just being a good friend, Anyone with half a brain could see Grian was struggling right now. Come on, he’d just wanted to be a distraction for his friend while Xisuma fixed the bug!

Joel’s thoughts were moving too quickly for him and he was starting to feel light headed. Was Grian saying something? It looked like Grian might be saying something. Joel tried to focus back on his friend.

“I don’t really know what I should be doing right now, honestly.” Grian breathed out, still sounding exhausted. Joel knew the feeling. This whole thing was tiring.

“... I know this is probably the time I should say something profound or thoughtful, but honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing right now either, so I guess that makes two of us?” Joel says questioningly, his voice rising fairly high at the end.

Grian laughed, leaning more into Joel as the two of them sat there. “You just keep being you,” 

“Well, that’s easy enough. Only so long as you be you, too, G’”

Grian hummed, eyes drifting shut, “Not Taurtis?”

“Never Taurtis. Only you.”

Chapter Text

Keralis watched his friend work long past when he should have taken some sort of break.

“I can go check on him for you. Let me give you one less thing to worry about.” Keralis offered, knowing it wasn’t much, but it was at least something he could do.

Xisuma gave an agitated sigh. “I’m pretty sure everyone else is doing that same thing. It’s not really a secret that he’s having a hard time right now. You’d just be one more person fussing over him.”

“And we both know Brian doesn’t like a fuss…” Keralis said, nodding. He knew the admin was right. 

“He keeps trying to pretend everything is fine, but we both know it’ll be a cold day in the Nether before Gri admits he’s not okay.” Xisuma was pacing throughout the room, fingers moving across his screens, eyes never leaving them as he continuously searched for a solution. Between the frantic typing and swiping, his hand kept making aborted movements towards his head, telling Keralis that it had been a good while since Xisuma had removed his helmet and given himself proper time to breathe. 

“You’re burning yourself out, though, Sheshwammyvoid.” Keralis tried to point out, attempting to guide him back to a chair or someplace else he could sit and rest. “Maybe give this over to our dear friend, Mr. Tango. He’s pretty clever, you know.”

Xisuma winced at those words and looked away, hiding his gaze behind his panels. 

“Sheshwam” Keralis said sternly, stepping closer. “Has Tango already offered to help?”

There was a distinct silence as Xisuma kept his eyes from moving, still staring at the same screen.

“Come on. Look into my eyes, nothing but my eyes.” Keralis prompted, knowing his friend had a hard time lying if he were staring right at the other’s face. He would not stand to see Xisuma push himself so hard if another Hermit had already offered to help.

Though Xisuma tried to hold out, it didn’t last long. With an exasperated “Gah! Fine!,” Xisuma put the panel away and turned to face his Player. “Yes, okay? Tango already messaged me this morning about it!”

While Keralis beamed at his friend for being honest, inside he was a bit hurt that Xisuma had ignored the help and tried to do it on his own when this whole situation was obviously causing a lot of stress for him.

“That is perfect then!” He gave a little clap before bringing out his communicator. “Let me just bring him over, and you can rest while I explain the problem to him. Then he can get working on it, and you can go lay down, maybe get some rest, and everything will be good.” Keralis spoke briskly, already composing a message for Tango. He knew it wouldn’t take too long for their friend to make their way here. Not when there was a Server Issue going on.

Though not officially Admins of the Hermitcraft Server, both Tango and Keralis were often there if Xisuma needed help, or wanted to go off Server for a little bit. They would take charge then and keep an eye on things.

<To: TangoTek> Hello! Sheshwammy would love some help with the Brian issue. 

<From: TangoTek> Finally got through to him, did you? I’ve been waiting for the ‘okay’ all day. I’ll be over asap. 

<From: TangoTek> He going to actually sleep or is this a team up session? 

<To: TangoTek> I think I’ve gotten him to agree to a rest, though he will probably want to cut it short and join you for a bit if you also have trouble. 

With the messages sent, Keralis started guiding Xisuma towards his bedroom to finally get his friend to rest.

The two walked in silence, the very atmosphere filled with tension while Xisuma still stewed in his own frustrations at being unable to solve the problem. Keralis walked slightly behind the other and watched his friend, frowning as he tried to piece together how best to help. “It may not be perfect, but you were very quick in figuring out how best to solve the bug, at least temporarily.” He reminded the Admin. 

“I should have trusted my gut and went with his Watcher name instead.” Xisuma growled out, finally reaching his room and punching the code to unlock his door. His hand slipped, which only caused him to snarl one more as he started once again and was finally able to get inside his room. “He obviously hates Taurtis!” Xisuma continued ranting as he moved straight in. “I could have dealt with it. It’s just a little discomfort, and not even for that long!” He pulled off his helmet and threw it to the side, slumping down on his bed as he finally was able to breathe his preferred air.

Keralis moved to sit beside him, helping the other take off the rest of his armor so he could properly relax. “You are doing the best you can, Sheshwam. You asked which was the best choice, and G told you. It is important to respect that choice, even if you think it is the wrong one.” He was very careful to keep his voice calm and breathing relaxed now that they were in the Void filled room.

Xisuma grunted in reluctant agreement, knowing Keralis had a point, but hating to see the result of it all the same.

“He’s too self sacrificing, in my opinion.” He mumbled, leaning back and closing his eyes, getting ready to finally rest. “I’ve already gotten plenty of messages from the other hermits asking for updates.”

Keralis frowned, knowing the extra pressure wouldn’t help much, “That’s not very fair to you,”

Xisuma huffed out a laugh and said “They’re just worried.” He let out a deep breath, feeling Keralis start to settle as well, and though he loved the company, he knew he couldn’t ask Keralis to stay, not when the very air in his room was too thin for normal Players to last long. “Now, go on. Shoo.” He waved Keralis away, “You know I hate it when you suffer through my atmosphere just to sit with me. I promise I’ll sleep.”

Keralis smiled softly at his friend, bringing Xisuma’s hand up and gently kissing it. “Ah, but I also know you hate being alone in your head. I can deal with it. It’s just a little discomfort, and not even for that long!” 

Xisuma wanted to scoff at his own words being thrown back at him, his eyes glaring at Keralis. “Okay, I guess I walked into that one.” There was a moment the two stared at each other, Keralis watching his friend's face for any sort of signal that Xisuma truly wanted him to leave. He would respect his friends' wishes, but it was always nice to double check.

Keralis had known Xisuma for a long time, and with that came a lot of trust. He knew that some days were harder than others. Sometimes, personal problems were too big and there was nothing to be done about them… but there were smaller things to be done to settle those thoughts. Maybe he couldn't solve his own problems, but to know that something he chose led to his friends' comfort made his own issues easier to handle. Even that small change helped, and so if Xisuma asked him to leave, to be comfortable and safe, then he would, because that's what would best help his friend. 

Other times though, there was just hurt, and trying to deal with others and worry about them was too much. Sometimes you needed to be selfish. That's where trust comes in. Xisuma needed to trust that Keralis would take care of himself and acknowledge his limits, so that Xisuma wouldn't have to, and could focus solely on himself.

Keralis smiled as he felt his hand being squeezed, "...thank you." Xisuma mumbled, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath.

The quiet that settled between them was lighter than the one previously, Keralis' hand still being held tight as he leaned against the other. He knew Xisuma was probably counting the seconds in his head, counting how long Keralis would safely be able to stay, but he also knew that, for now, he’d stay for as long as his friend would let him.

Tango would be flying by soon enough, and he’d step out and work with the redstoner to figure this out. He knew Tango had some friends he could reach out to, and Keralis himself and connections. They’d figure it all out and Grian would be helped, and Xisuma would be able to relax.

Everything will be okay.

Chapter Text

Grian flew through the air, heart lighter than it had been these last several days. Xisuma hadn’t quite gotten his name figured out, but Grian felt hopeful. Breaking down with Joel, while initially embarrassing, had really soothed a lot of his worries and anxieties. 

There hadn’t been anything specific he’d been worried about. It’s not like he’d thought the other Hermits would torment him as Sam had, would ignore his wishes and start treating him differently. He’d seen it first hand that the Hermits were always going to be there for him. From the simplicity of Pearl letting him handle it on his own, to Gem’s quiet acceptance, guiding him to new activities that he’d be more comfortable with, all without Grian having to say a word.

There were so many ways his different friends handled this whole mess, all without making Grian feel too self-conscious and guilty. It wasn't his fault.

He should probably send Pearl a quick message, just to check in with her, let her know how he’s doing. She’s probably been worried sick since Grian kept out of her range. He hadn’t wanted any more reminders of Taurtis, and unfortunately, Pearl was one of them. She'd left him alone though. She'd followed his wishes, she'd listened to him, and let him make his own choice, even if she didn't agree with them.

Grian knew some of his behavior wasn't the healthiest. She had been right to be worried, what with how strained his mental state had been these past few days. Pearl has been right about a lot of things… like how talking about it had settled something he hadn't known needed settling.

His conversation with Joel was very refreshing, letting another person in. Pearl and Mumbo knew because they'd seen the direct aftermath. They'd seen him broken down by Sam, and he had to explain things.

This time, it was his choice. Grian got to choose for himself to share those memories, and it made it feel like a step forwards. He could talk about it now… at least far easier than he could before.

It was like a load was off his chest, and he felt lighter than air!

And that’s completely besides the fact that he was gliding around Magic Mountain right now.

He was taking a breather and just enjoying himself for now. Flying was one of the things that he couldn’t really get bored of outside of building, but since his little run in with Gem, he’d put most of that on hold. It was okay though. He was getting by, and though there was the slight itch to create something, Grian was happy enough just gliding around.

The wind blew through his hair, and he breathed in a fresh pine scent. Scar was building up some new trees, it seemed. They weren’t complete yet, but that hardly mattered. Even with just the skeleton of them poking into the sky, Grian could tell these would be larger than life. ‘ just like the man who made them’, He thought as he banked to the left, swooping down low.

Scanning the trees, Grian finally found his target and brought out his bow.

“CUTE GUY!” he shouted out, letting an arrow fly.

He smirked at the shocked outcry from his friend, and couldn't help the laugh that escaped when the sound was suddenly cut off by his death.

Had he landed as smooth as he had shot, it would have been beautiful, but Scar had been building, and thus had a mess of skulkers and chests, not to mention his inventory had been full of all sorts of blocks that scattered to the ground upon his death.  The end result was Grian only just able to stay on his feet, with a couple awkward hops and him dropping his bow to stop himself from getting a face full of dirt.

“O-oh, oh!!” he exclaimed, stumbling to right himself. 

“Hey!” Scar’s voice called out from a couple stumps away, having set his spawn close by. “You can’t just ‘HotGuy’ me! That’s my thing,” He chided, waving a finger at Grian like he was a naughty child.

Grian giggled, “Well, then it’s a good thing I ‘CuteGuy’d you instead.” He gave a little spin and turned to start picking up Scar’s inventory to help the man clean up, and possibly avoid another ‘HotGuy’ spiel. It was Grian’s own fault though. He was the one who brought it up in the first place.

“Oh… OH you little devil, you.” Scar joined in helping Grian, stuffing his fallen belongings into inventory and the multitude of chests around. “Are you going by that alias now? From the sounds of things, you could use a little superhero name right now.” Scar’s eyes grew wide in excitement as he turned and grabbed Grian’s hands, “Oh! I still have my own HotGuy outfit,” he said, beaming at the chaos the two could bring. “We could go flying around to some of the others and-”

Grian shook his head with a laugh and just shoved a shulker box into Scar’s hands. “And I thought Taurtis was bad! Give me anything but your Superhero antics again, Scar. There's a reason we left it behind last season.”

The words slipped out with hardly a thought, and as his brain caught up to what he actually said, Grian wanted to laugh once more. It wasn't true. Had CuteGuy been an actual alias he could change his name to, it would have been selected, no questions asked. The fact that he felt comfortable at least to make jokes about Taurtis was a step in the right direction though. It felt like he was finally growing and moving past it all. Trauma wasn't so easy to get rid of, but it has been years. He's gained a stronger sense of identity. His place as ‘Grian’ was firmly cemented in his mind and he knew his friends would be there to help with any setbacks.

“Oh come on, Gree-on!” A sing-songy voice called out. And he knew, he knew it wasn’t Sam. He knew it was Scar, pouting and making faces, just whining about being shut down.

And wasn't just that ironic? That the moment he started accepting healing, that Sam would shove his way in and try to mess it up. Sam's visage overlayed Scar's own, the man leering down at him, cornering him just as he did all those years ago.

The soothing smell of pine from before was gone, souring into the scent of rotting wood and mildew from the old school storage unit. The shadow of Scar's beautiful builds grew darker until all that surrounded Grian were old plank walls and a crack of light, showing Sam and only Sam, blocking his way out. 

Grian felt splinters in his back from where he'd pushed hard against the shed’s walls, trying to get away from Sam, but there was no escape. There never had been. He was small all over again, just a kid trying to run from his problems and finding no support. Everyone around him just letting Sam get to him, control him, take his life from him.

If Grian wanted to get out of this mess, he had to do it himself. He had to go through Sam, stand up to him and finally put it all to rest.

While it never would have happened before, Grian knew this was just a memory. There shouldn't be anything holding him back now. He was not going to let this stop him.

He was ‘Grian’, and no one was going to take that away from him again. Not Sam, and certainly not The World. There were limitations in place, and he could accept them for now, but forget the World’s limits. This was pushing Grian’s own, and enough was enough. He looked at ‘Sam’ , Scar. The other was talking, not listening not noticing anything was wrong.

“No.” Grian stated, cutting the other off. Sam’s face turned angry, his eyes growing dark Scar’s face grew concerned, his eyes searching Grian's own for what was wrong.

“Don't call me that. Don't say my name that way.” His voice was firm, as solid as the tree behind him. The beautiful growing tree with an equally beautiful train behind that, the Magic Mountain rising up to his left, grounding him in the Hermitcraft Server, far away and done with his High School days.

“ So you'll be my Taurtis? I thought you didn't want to be Taurtis? Only Gree-on? Sam snarled out, eyes wide and crazed, daring Grian to keep going, to be hypocritical, because hasn't this been what Grian wanted? He wanted to be Gree-on , “So is there something else you’d prefer? I thought you didn't particularly enjoy ‘Taurtis?” Scar spoke softly, a small smile on his face as though he were proud Grian had cut him off. The again, setting any sort of boundary was something to celebrate with the Hermits. They were all notoriously bad at that, preferring to suffer silently than possibly cause one of their friends the slightest inconvenience.

So Grian put his foot down, and said ‘No’.

“There are plenty of other variations, Scar. I'll take any of them, all of them, except that one.” Grian said, staring at Sam, who lifted a hand, as though he were going to hit him Scar, who lifted a hand with a bright smile, gently laying on his shoulder in camaraderie. Grian stood his ground and let the hand come down. He raised his own hand and placed it on top of Scar's, smiling in return.

“Well! Since you've asked so nicely, who am I to deny a man his preferences?” Scar cheerily said.

And any remaining memories left him. A warm feeling filled him as he stood up for himself and pushed the vision of Sam away. The scent of pine come over him again, the splintered mildew wood gave way to fresh bark, even a bit of sap peeking through and getting stuck on his back, but Grian didn't care because he was here with Scar, here on Hermitcraft, here as ‘Grian’, and nothing would ever change that. The warmth in his chest started growing. His mind felt soothed just as it had been this morning. Oh, he was really glad Scar was here, because Grian found himself gripping Scar's hand tighter as his head grew even fuzzier, using it to try and keep balance.

“...G-man? You all good?” Scar asked lightly, a tinge of worry slipping into his tone and he stepped closer to Grian, bringing his other hand up to help keep him on his feet.

“Hmm...” Grian let himself drift more, eyes closed as he tried to focus on the feeling. It felt familiar, so it should be safe, right? “S-sscar?” He mumbled out, “..omethin’s wrong.” 

Grian focused, he really tried. Why did this feel so familiar? Everything was so familiar, echoing his past, with Taurtis, with Sam, with this… why? Why was Sam so deep in his thoughts. It's like he never left, like he was there, holding Grian down, pushing and seeing and changing him.

“Someone's in my code... He's in my code!!” Grian’s voice grew tense, eyes snapping open. “Why is he in my code, Scar?!” Grian cried out, clutching on to Scar, begging him to not let go, don't leave him alone. He keened at the feeling of his code being riffled through again.

Scar stumbled back at Grain’s frantic movements, managing to guide them both onto the ground without any injury. The man looked around, as though trying to find someone else to help them, “W-what do I do? Do I get Xisuma?” He asked. A moment later and his eyes lit up as a thought entered his head. “Oh! Maybe it’s just X, right? It’s just our suma here finally getting it all worked out, Gri, right?”

Grian shook his head, even as Scar tried to explain it all away. It wasn’t Xisuma. Grian knew what Xisuma felt like, he’d had the man scour over his code before, ages ago when he first entered the server, and even just a couple days ago when initially searching for the problem. “It’s not X, this isn’t X!” Grian rocked back and forth, chanting out the cry as tears started to form.

Scar continued to hold him, even as he brought out a comm to try and contact their Admin. Something was wrong… 

Chapter Text

As soon as Xisuma had sent the ‘okay’ to him, Tango jumped into action, searching for any problems in the code. He hadn’t expected anything to pop up quickly, not with how much Xisuma had probably already scoured it, but it was always good to get another eye on things.

There had been a couple requests from Xisuma to stay away from certain parts of the code, areas where his defenses would end up attacking Tango himself, or where things were still in development and not implemented safely yet. It wasn’t often that Admins let their players into Server Code, but with the circumstances being what they are, Tango was prepared to take a few extra steps of caution to help out a friend.

After a whole day of nothing though, Tango realized he needed to go deeper.

It had been awhile since he'd dived deep. At least in code that wasn't his own. There were plenty of opportunities where he'd written up new things, tweaked something here, did a little codificating over there, but nothing high profile.

Xisuma, as the registered Admin, had access to a whole load of code but there were still some things hidden away that few players could even read, let alone edit or change. The only way to really access them was through less than legal means, and there was no way X was going to let some strange Hacker into their world. Nope instead, Tango would get a little blast from the past as he did the work himself.

Tango had been quite the hacker back in the day, the whole ZITS team had been, but that had died out soon after joining Hermitcraft, with each member letting their previous work fall to the side as more legitimate and safe work came their way. So when the sun rose the next day, there was an air of giddiness around Tango as he flew towards Metro-Mayhem. The thought of going into the hidden parts of Hermitcraft, digging into places where no one should go, brought a burst of excitement to him.

“Oh IMPY!!” He shouted out, landing on one of the many buildings. There were tons of places his friend could be, but hopefully finding him wouldn’t be too bad. Tango knew he was here somewhere.

“Tango!” A voice called from below and there Impulse was, walking around the side of his Bop-N-Go stations probably having just come from his storage system.

Tango let out a light laugh and hopped down from the roof, catching himself just enough to not take fall damage, and flung himself into a hug for his best bud.

“Yo-oo, you sure you’re all good to watch me?” Tango double checked, wanting to make sure his friend was comfortable. He’d already asked Impulse if he was willing before he’d even flown over, but it never hurt to double check. It could take hours depending on the problem

Impulse hugged back and set his shorter friend down, rolling his eyes at the repeated question, “I already got everything ready, man. Besides, I think it’s been long enough for ‘G’. Go and do your thing.”

Tango flashed a grin, eyes bright and wild at the chance he had. Here he was, now able to dive into Hermitcraft’s inner code to see what could be going on with their fellow Hermit. Most of the time, Code Diving wasn’t too big a deal. Xisuma could do it in his sleep almost, with how second nature it had become for the main Admin. While Tango didn’t do it as often, he did still enjoy keeping up to date with the latest of Firewalls and Coding practices for protecting servers.

That wasn’t what Tango was doing today though. No, what Tango specialized in was the Back Doors and deep codes that Hackers played with. With Xisuma’s permission, he’d go Deep.

Impulse would watch over his body while he went into ‘Spectator Mode’ and checked out the Server Code, keeping guard and making sure nothing affected Tango. If something were to start happening, Impulse would be able to pull him back, keeping him safe from any dangers or viruses that might try and get into Tango’s own Player Code.

That was one of the main dangers of Hacking. You had to open yourself up to so many different things, and there weren’t too many healers willing to help repair you if you got messed up. That's of course completely ignoring the fact that hacking into Server Code was almost doubly dangerous to dive into.

If the Devs knew what Tango was doing right now, both him and Xisuma would be in deep trouble. It should really only be done as a last resort, with pre submitted paperwork and authorization to the Central Hub, but with the severity of the issue and the direct effect it was having on Grian, both of them had decided this was a ‘better to ask forgiveness than permission’ kind of situation.

And so, with his friend keeping Watch, Tango dived .

He felt slow at first. It had been years since he properly did any real hacking, not since shortly after joining Hermitcraft. There wasn’t really a need after he joined the Server, but still - It was like riding a bike, maybe a little wobbly at first, but Tango felt his confidence grow the longer he skimmed through it all.

He brushed past Xisuma, feeling the Admin glancing around once more. Tango paused for a moment to look over his friend, just seeing if the man was any more well rested after these past couple days, and to his credit it seemed Xisuma had taken some time to regain his strength. It was a new day, he was hopefully just glancing around, letting Tango take on the majority of the search.

After a greeting in response and a feeling of ‘ good luck” from his friend, Tango continued. He drifted low into the ground, moving past the bedrock layers and hitting the coded walls protecting the Server.

The most obvious place to look would be the ‘banned’ word list. He’d be able to check the exact timing of when Grian’s name was moved there, and that'd help Tango when he searched the Server’s logs. Time stamps are super useful when bug searching.

It was a bit trickier opening the list than he thought it would be. Just extra safeguards, but none of it felt familiar. Tango knew the feeling of Xisuma. All the hermits knew the feeling of their Admin, keeping track of their coding, keeping them safe and protected. Xisuma was safety. He was the gentle hum of electronics, thrumming constantly in the back of your head at that frequency that sometimes gets lost as white noise. A rumble of power there for you to rely on, to know that you’re safe even during the wildest of storms and you think the power’s going to go out. But no, Xisuma is there, steady and constant.

Tango breathed in the World Code and felt none of that. Instead, it was cold and numb. This code made an almost ringing sound in Tango’s head, just on the edge of his hearing that he might doubt it was there at all. It didn’t want him here.

Well, fine. Tango didn’t want to be at this code either, but that didn’t mean it was going to stop him.

He focused on his breathing, slowing it down and focusing, gliding past the World protection and letting himself into the Ban List. ‘And there it is!’ He thought to himself, grinning sharply. ‘ Let’s get you out of there, Grian.’

The World shuddered for an instant and Tango felt his vision go black. He didn’t even have a body, and yet he felt unbalanced and shaky. As a Spectator, he couldn’t talk and so had no way of saying any of the banned words. Instead, being almost embraced as he currently was in the World code, even the conscious thought of Grian’s name was enough to trigger the defense on him.

‘ Well, fuck you too’ Tango glared at his surroundings, having rebalanced himself before he’d been sent careening back to the Surface. He shook his head, berating himself at such an obvious mistake. There is a brush of ‘worry-stable-need help?-I’ve got you’ from Impulse that touched Tango’s Code, making sure everything was okay.

Tango chuckled internally at his friend and paused for a moment to send back reassurances of ‘ safe-oops-cheer-almost done’ and then turned back towards the List. 

He scanned over it briefly once more, then shot his hands into the code, searching for the metadata, the info to get Grian's name out.

His fingers burned as sparks from the list struck them, but he just grinned sharply through the pain. Burning was no obstacle for him. Tango sent out a burst of power, flaring out and smothering the remaining defenses, finally able to access what he needed.

‘ Huh,’ Tango noted. ‘Seems it somehow got put in during the latest update.’ He needed to remember to tell Xisuma, otherwise this could very well end up happening again the next time there was an update.

Besides, with that knowledge, maybe X would know why it was out there in the first place.

Happy that this would be over with, for now at least, Tango sent out a command. It was a simple enough matter to do. < banned words.removeLast()> was all that was needed to get Grian's name out of there. It was the newest one in there, so now it'd be the first to go.

As he backed out of the World Code, he tried his best to seal up the damaged hole he'd left behind. This was normal Impulse’ speciality, hiding any trace that hacking was done, but for now, as long as it was protected, it would naturally regenerate in a couple days.

Tango sent out a tug towards Impulse, asking for a guide back to his body, and away he went.

It was an odd feeling waking up. It was as though he was opening his eyes without them having been shut in the first place. Blocks of stone and quartz replaced lines of code and Tango felt a moment of heaviness as he returned to being a physical being again.

Impulse came into view, smiling tightly at him.

Tango gave a fanged grin in response, looking down at his hands as Impulse gave a gentle squeeze.

“Oh, guess I got a little burnificated there,” he mused, staring at the glitched marks on his hands as Impulse brought out a tube. It was something of their own invention from back in the day. Hacking could hurt if you weren’t careful, so Zedaph developed a balm to help with the worst of it. These ones were small enough Tango hardly noticed them, but he let Impulse rub it into his hands anyways. Better to be safe.

“Had a little mishap there?” Impulse asked, relaxing a bit more as Tango continued his nonchalant attitude. 

He gave an embarrassed chuckle, “Yeah, slipped a bit and got impatient digging in.”

“But we got it all figured out?”

Tango nodded, taking his hands back and opened up his own personal panels. “Yup. Just got to check a couple things, and we’ll be good to go.” He accessed the World Code from just his Admin panel and checked everything got put back in place and that his work hadn’t spilled out to cause problems elsewhere.

Upon seeing the Player list, Tango hesitated, biting his lip at the unfamiliar name of ‘Taurtis’ and knowing he could very well fix it.

‘Yeahs, let’s give’em a little surprise,’ He thought to himself, opening up Grian’s Player Data. Everything was in place to get his Name back. Why wait?

He opened the Names list, seeing Grian’s sitting there, and entered in the quick command to change it. For a moment it seemed to not work. It was as though a dozen other commands were running behind the scenes, and Tango could only watch in growing dread as they popped to the forefront.

Grian had a bug in his system… and Tango just activated it.

“Ooo-oh-oh-oh!” Impulse laughed from his side, leaning in close to Tango's panel to get a better look,  “Did you activate a Trojan?! Xisuma’s not gonna be happy about that.” 

Tango shoved him away, panicking as the virus settled into place. “No, no no NO! This isn't happening, I didn’t- ” He cried out, cutting himself off as he frantically tried to make it all stop. He never would have expected this!

Trojans were normally tools of the trade for hackers to get unsuspecting and lazy Admins to carry a bug into their own world. The code package still completed its given task, such as updating the World or adding extra features, but hidden away was a backdoor for hackers to use to gain entry to the Server. Admins should always be prepared for hacking attempts and unsafe code entering their Worlds. If an Admin was skilled enough, they could even create their own Trojan Horse to activate if someone attempted to try and find their way into a world uninvited, but that happened much less often. 

Hermitcraft had many defenses, Xisuma taking all the precautions he could to protect his Players. If any sort of bugs were hiding dangerous code, there were protections in place to keep hackers and unwanted players out of the Code. More than that though were the steps Xisuma could take to revert the Server and remove the virus.

The problem was that Tango wasn't looking at Hermitcraft Code. 

Grian’s Data stared up at him, red errors popping up on Tango’s Admin screen as he just stared at the code, watching the unknown virus dig into his friend’s core. He felt sick. He wasn’t supposed to have done this in the first place. It wasn’t his place to change Player Data. He should have just left it up to Xisuma. 

Deep down, Tango knew that Xisuma wouldn’t have seen the Trojan any more than Tango did. It would have activated all the same, and yet still... Tango wished he’d never touched Grian’s code. 

Oh void… what if it’s a RAT?

Tango couldn’t breathe. If this was a Remote Access Trap, had he just allowed some sicko access to Grian’s personal Player code? Whatever the Trojan had been, it had been triggered by changing his name back to Grian. With two additional Player names assigned to him, and adding in the fact that Grian’s been having the most miserable time this week by having to use them, Tango could take a wild guess that at least one of those wasn’t wanted. If someone had forced Grian to change his name, it would be the perfect opportunity to also plant the bug to ensure it stayed that way. By planting a virus into him to activate when ‘Grian’ was restored, it created a sure-fire way to keep torturing the man.

Tango tried to breathe, he needed to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe?!

Who knew if the Trojan Author was even still watching it? Grian had been with them for years. How long has this been in here? It’s not like the man changed his name a lot, how was he supposed to know it had even been in there?

“-go,”

“-ango, breathe!”

“TANGO!”

Red eyes met blue ones as Tango regained enough awareness of Impulse. His friend stood in front of him, hands placed on Tango's shoulders, trying to ground him.

“I-I, ‘pulse, I-I messed up-”

“It's going to be fine.” Impulse’s voice was soft, soothing and calm, trying his best to make Tango believe it would all be okay. “Xisuma can just reset the Server. No one’s going to mind too much-” He was trying to be comforting, but it wasn’t going to work.

Tango just shook his head, shaking more in his friend’s arms. “...no, no, no no nonono-”

“- and maybe Doc’ll have to rebuild that new farm of his, but what’s a little extra-” 

Tango dug his fingers into Impulse's arms, nails digging too deep into his friend and causing small droplets of blood to trickle out. “I wasn’t in the Server Code, I was in Grian’s!”

The silence that filled the air was almost deafening. Tango could only hear his own rapidly beating heart. 

Grian’s name was finally able to be said without any problems for others, and yet they couldn’t even celebrate it.

“...Oh.” Impulse breathed out, realizing just as Tango did the dangers that could come with that.

A *ping* brought both of their attentions towards Tango’s comm, where an alert was blinking. It was followed in quick succession by many others as Tango opened it up to see the various messages waiting for him.

<From: Xisumavoid> What are you doing?

<From: Xisumavoid> PLease tell me that’s you

<From: Xisumavoid> Tango

<From: Xisumavoid> Please tell me you decided to completely disregard my instructions and have dived into Gri’s Player Code?

<From: Xisumavoid> I want you to say yes

<From: Xisumavoid> Please

<From: Xisumavoid> TANGO

Chapter Text

Impulse stood awkwardly by the side as Tango rushed towards Xisuma, apologies never stopping from leaving his mouth. 

As soon as they read the messages, both had shot into the air and sent replies, trying to figure out where their admin was, where Grian was, because surely they were in the same place. Xisuma wouldn't know about the issue if they weren't. 

Impulse just sighed. They just couldn't get a break with this could they? 

The two of them had found Xisuma frantically searching Grian's code while said player sat on the ground, shaking and trying to control himself, but it was obvious how distraught he was. Scar sat by his side, rubbing his shoulders, trying to soothe Grian and do his best regardless of his lack of technical knowledge. This was emotional support at its finest.

As soon as Xisuma noticed them, he stood and pulled Tango away, frustration leaking into his tone as he started berating the other. 

Impulse knew Tango should have left it to Xisuma, what with it being Player Data and all, but a part of him was grateful it was Tango that had stumbled across the virus. Xisuma might not have even recognized it for how little the other knew about Hacking. It's one thing to set up defenses, it's a whole other game to recognize attacks, especially one so cleverly disguised as this one has been. 

Void, how long would it have sat there while Grian panicked and Xisuma frantically tried to find the origins?

There was a time limit with these kinds of things before too much damage was done, and it was especially dangerous to have that damage be done to a Player rather than a World. 

Hackers didn't hack Players, not usually. There wasn't really a point beyond torture or manipulation. Impulse strove hard to ignore the fact that it had happened to Grian. It was before Hermitcraft. It wasn't his business. Grian has made it obvious how much he wants to avoid his past, and Impulse is going to try and respect that… but that didn't mean he would ignore the rest of the problem.

After glancing at Tango and Xisuma another moment, Impulse moved to kneel in front of Grian. There was one more piece of information they needed, probably the most vital piece of all, and only Grian could tell them.

Scar looked up for a moment as he approached, giving a strained smile but quickly turning his attention back to Grian. The younger man was letting out a constant stream of denials and mumbles, “ Please, Sam, no… I'm sorry, Sam- stop please-”.

Impulse places his hands lightly on Grian's, stopping the other from clenching them too tight, hands already red from nail imprints. “Grian,” he stated patiently.

He ignored Scar's gasp and just kept focused on Grian, “Yeah Grian. That's you.”

“-’m Taurtis, Sam. Sam needs Taurtis-” Grian shook his head, denying it all while Impulse tried to break through his thoughts.

“Grian, look at me, Gria- Grian”   He said firmly, finally getting the other to look up. “I need you to breathe.” Impulse let out an exaggerated breath, prompting Grian to copy his movements.

Scar followed along as well, rubbing Grian's back in time with the breaths.

In…

Out…

Impulse waited another moment as Grian slowly stopped shaking, still tense but definitely more aware than before.

“Grian, I need a little help here.“ Impulse started, wanting to keep Grian in the moment, “Someone is in your code, do you know wh-”

“S-Sam!” Grian cut in before Impulse could even finish the question, “ SamGladiator. He made me Taurtis- I don't want to be Taurtis, I'm Grian!” His eyes were wide and he grasped Impulse arms, clutching them tightly as though begging the older man to believe him. “Don't let him in! Get him out!”

Impulse nodded along, doing his best to keep Grian calm. He had a name and a time frame; two excellent pieces of information that they could use and make removing the virus that much easier… but it wasn't what Impulse was looking for.

He fell back into an almost middle state between Spectator and Player, his code gently brushing against Grian's. “Look at me, Grian. Do you feel me?” He pushed past any moral pauses at his behavior. This kind of thing was highly frowned upon if you weren't the admin or didn't have permission, but every second counted and Tango and Xisuma were still bickering to the side. 

Impulse lightly touched Grian's code, not damaging it in the slightest, nor peeking further in. This was his specialty.

Grian flinched a bit, “I-Impulse…” he nodded along with the words, squeezing Impulse’s arms tighter.

“Do I feel like Sam? Is this what Sam feels like, Grian?” He was barely there, still felt by Grian, but doing nothing.

If the virus felt like this, then it was still dormant, possibly sending a signal to Sam, but not actively being used. They could still act and block him.

If Sam was currently in Grian's code…

Impulse wasn't sure what they'd do, but it would be messy. It would be messy and painful. Tango would hate himself for triggering it, Xisuma would hate himself for not noticing such a large exploit for so many years, and Grian would just collapse further in on himself. That's not even counting whatever damage this Sam Player could actually do to their friend.

So Impulse needed to know.

His heart sank when Grian started babbling again, cries of fear and pain filled his voice, “N-no, Sam! He hurts! He hurts me so bad. I hate him, I hate him I hate him!”

Impulse felt sick as Grian continued with his cries.

He backed off slightly, allowing Scar to surge forward and pull Grian into a hug, encompassing the other completely as though he could stave off the attack by his mere presence.

And all Impulse could do was watch… because they had done this to him.

“Grian! Grian, you need to let us into your code properly!” Impulse watched as Xisuma rushed over to the younger man with Tango right behind him. Seems they'd settled their issues enough for now. This wasn't the time for a blame game, not if Grian is in active danger.

Impulse kept an eye on the other's code, as though going he'd see some sign of the Hacker, some sign of whatever thing they might force on Grian, but there was nothing… Nothing to do but hope the others could do something more. 

Xisuma and Tango tried to get permissions settled and figured out, tried to be as unobtrusive as possible while still getting access to such intimate parts of a Player.

Impulse just stared.

Scar mumbled words to Grian who seemed to fall deeper into denials and memories and pain. He was there, trying but failing to keep Grian present. He held him, wrapped around him like a blanket.

Impulse felt more detached than he should. He was still half present, still barely grazing Grian’s code, and not grounding himself enough in his own self. He should tell Tango. He should either back out completely, or have Tango help tether him… but his friend was so busy trying to solve this and Impulse wouldn't dare leave Grian alone. It'd be fine. He'd be fine.

He pushed past the growing floaty feeling and instead focused on Scar. Looking at him, Impulse decided to follow his lead to act as a sort of barrier between Grian and any impending attack. He fell deeper into spectator mode, just enough to layer his code more firmly over Grian. He didn't know if it would actually do anything, but even the chance was enough to get him to act.

He hardly finished doing it before he lost all hold on his physical self, being pulled in completely to Grian’s code as everything suddenly changed.

He felt more than heard Tango’s worried cry, the sensation of his own body hitting the ground, the sound of Grian gasping, surprising everyone as he shot up and hit his head on Scar's chin, both Hermits crying out in pain.

Impulse knew it all happened, but it was completely overshadowed by Grian’s code clutching his own, wrapping Impulse up and pulling him deeper than he'd ever been, deeper than he ever wanted to go. A crushing sensation covered his shoulders, his legs, anywhere that Grian’s code trapped him, but Impulse couldn’t move away. His focus lessened as Grian overpowered him, cries of joy and bursts of happiness filled the air as he just continuously called out, “-He's gone, He's gone. Sam's gone, thank you, thank you, Impulse, he's gone-”

Impulse lost track of where he was. He tried to spread his presence out, to reach out for something familiar, but all he felt Was Grian, Grian Grian-

-Grian, STOP IT!, YOU'RE HURTING HIM”

Tango.

Impulse felt a familiar burn as Tango ripped him from Grian and threw him back in his own body. He gasped as physical sensation filled him again. He shivered, he burned, he felt so much.

Tango stood over him, eyes burning with worry and anger, glaring at Grian who was starting to panic again, but all Impulse could do was breathe .

He shot his hand out and grabbed Tango's sleeve, keeping his close so Impulse could ground himself. He'd never had that happen before. He'd fallen too far before, losing himself in Spectator Mode and had to struggle his way back, but it was as though Grian was able to keep him there, tangled within Grian's own code. Players can't do that. You can't hold someone trapped like that if they were in Spectator Mode.

He tried to stop shaking, he really did, but the memory of it, the lingering feeling, like he didn't belong in his own body.

‘Stop it,’ He thought to himself, letting out a breath. He barely got his hands to cooperate, but he did manage to grab Zed’s balm from his jacket. His hands were shaking. He needed them to stop shaking, and yet…

Tango reached forwards and grabbed it from Impulse’ hand, opening it quickly and helping him remove his jacket. There were slowly growing bruises on his shoulder blades, shaped like vines or rope that had tethered him in place. Impulse had to hold back a groan of relief as Tango helped put it on.

It felt so different from the intense grasping. Impulse stared into the distance for a moment, seeing it all happen again, feeling Grian’s code latch on to him and not let him leave.

‘Focus on something else Impulse,’  he told himself, trying to snap out of it. When he immediately thought only of Grian, a part of him was worried, but he ignored it when he actually took in what Grian had said.

Sam was gone… Impulse had perfectly covered any trace of him.

He finally opened his eyes to try and meet Grian's. There must have been a misunderstanding somewhere. Impulse was nowhere near powerful enough to have done that, especially accidentally.

“-rian?” He croaked out, voice surprising hoarse as though from disuse. He cleared his throat to try again. “Grian?” 

Tango was trying to get him to hush, to rest and properly settle, while Xisuma and Scar stayed close to Grian, both holding him back from reaching out into the code and pulling Impulse back in, but also trying to make sure nothing else happened.

Grian was again distressed as it seemed Sam was there the moment Impulse had been pulled free.

And that was the most obvious sign.

“Grian, how did I feel? Before that moment? After that moment, how did I feel?” Impulse almost wanted to push Tango off him for how clingy he was being, trying to interrupt and keep Grian from getting to Impulse again. It was a sweet thought, but Impulse grimly thought that Grian was still in the more dangerous situation.

“I-It was, um… I mean, it just felt like you.” Grian struggled to articulate it. 

Impulse gripped Tango and let himself fall into that half state once more, touching Grian’s code just as lightly as he had the first time, still present, still grounded. He ignored the shiver of fear that Grian would pull him all the way again. Xisuma and Tango would bring him back.

“Close your eyes, Grian, and what do I feel like?”

Grian’s breath slowed down as he followed the instructions, far calmer now that Impulse showed he wasn’t just going to up and leave him. “I’m… like I’m walking in your base, or playing your games. You aren’t here exactly, but I can tell it’s you. I can see your skill and love you put into your work.” He relaxed even further as he just let the feeling in.

Impulse focused more on his physical self to make sure he didn’t go deeper. It was a bit disconcerting that a part of him wanted to go back, 'It’s just left over from not grounding myself before, stop it’ He opened his eyes and gripped Tango tighter, his friend pulling him closer when he realized what Impulse was doing.

“Okay, Grian. Tell me what Sam feels like. Focus- close your eyes again, and tell us what Sam feels like,” Impulse grew worried when Grian immediately opened his eyes and just shook his head. He reached out as though Impulse was abandoning him.

Xisuma stepped up and brushed his Code against Grian’s as well, “Grian, it’s okay. We aren’t going anywhere.”

He gave another shudder, but steeled himself and began sharing. “It- Sam, he- it's like I'm at school, waiting for him to show up. I know he's coming, I know there's nothing I can do, and that he's going to come and make it all hurt again. He's just around the corner, watching, waiting for me to make a mistake… he never let me have a moment's rest. I always needed to be Taurtis, even if he wasn't there. He had people watching.” Grian shivered, hugging himself tightly, “He would always know”.

Impulse bit his lip to keep from saying anything, only to have Tango let out a soft, “What in the void..” by his ear, soft enough that Grian wouldn't notice.

It sounded bad. Really bad.

Obviously to have placed a bug within his code, this Sam guy was already a shit Player, but that was something else.

Xisuma recovered quicker than the others did, giving a small laugh at this revelation.

Sam had yet to actually do anything in Grian's code. Maybe he was too busy right now, or maybe he hadn't noticed it yet, either way, it was a good thing.

“O-Okay, buddy, we can fix this. He's not there yet,” Xisuma said calmly, a small smile in his voice.

“Sorry for the scare earlier, when you said he was hurting you, I thought it was a more immediate danger,” Impulse added, falling back to lean completely against Tango, far more relaxed than he’s been this entire time.

Grian flushed with embarrassment, “You asked if you felt like Sam did. I actually like you, of course you felt better,” he said with a pout.

Now it was Impulse' time to blush. “Heh, yeah poor wording on my part”. 

The five gathered Hermits all let themselves have a moment to breathe. Now that they realized there was no immediate threat, Grian let himself relax into Scar's arms a bit more, his shaking slowing down. 

Impulse watched him, knowing it was probably still uncomfortable, that constant feeling of being watched, of not knowing if that Sam guy was just around the corner, but Xisuma would keep Grian safe. Tango and Impulse were old hacking experts, so they could work out how best to clean out the bug, and to top it all off, Scar was still there all the while, never letting Grian leave his side.

Honestly, with how much information Grian had about the bug, the date it was added, the literal player who added it, Impulse wasn’t worried at all about getting this whole mess cleared up.

Xisuma was working right now to create temporary barriers around Grian to make sure Sam didn’t get in, and Tango was getting ready to burn that bug out of existence. He was using Xisuma as a tether this time, which Impulse didn’t mind at all. He still felt a bit unmoored from before, so best let the two admins handle each other.

It was only a few short minutes later that Impulse finally felt the last of his out of body experience slowly drift away. He gave a sigh of relief that it didn’t last long and got a strange look from Scar. 

“So what was that earlier with Impulse? You okay?” He asked curiously.

Impulse started a bit, realizing that he’d actually like to know the answer to that too. “I-I… don’t know?” He turned to look at Grian, who suddenly found out how excellently designed Scar’s Redwood Trees were, oh my goodness look at that block pallet. It’s a wonder it works.

Xisuma chuckled a bit at Grian’s obvious avoidance, “Pretty sure most Players can do that, if they know how to at least.” He seemed to say it for Grian’s benefit, as though to assure him it wasn’t strange. “People will tend to do the opposite though when others try to breach into personal code like you did,” their admin said, a slight reprimand in his voice as he looked back at Impulse.

The man ducked his head down, “I’m really sorry, it was a bit inappropriate-”

“No! I’m glad!” Grian cut in quickly, “I’d rather have you anyday! I… I didn’t want to be alone with them, and I knew you were safe.”

“‘ Them’ ?” Scar repeated, intrigued.

Ah, so Impulse wasn’t the only one to notice that.

Grian flushed, “Let’s just say Sam’s not the only one who’s been in my code when I don’t want them to.” He shared a look with Xisuma, and Impulse immediately realized that that was as much as was going to be shared. Grian suddenly released a gasp and Xisuma suddenly sat straight, a hand shooting out to grab one of Tango’s as he stabilized the other returning to their body.

Grian shot up and barreled into Tango, cries of gratitude barely recognizable as Tango just laughed, eyes flaring with excitement at a job well done.

“Guess that answers the question of if you can still feel Sam there,” He smirked at fixing it all.

Grian just laughed, shaking his head as he hugged his friend.

Impulse smiled as well. With his name removed from the ban list, as well as the bug cleared up from his Player Code, Grian was back to perfect health. It’d probably be smart to have Xisuma and Grian report Sam for his actions. Even if they were years old, it might serve as a watch for other Players interacting with him or to check and see if others reported similar problems.

Not only that, but Grian should eventually head to a Player Healer soon for them to check him over. Impulse wouldn’t be surprised if there was a bit of lasting damage or residue from having a bug like that in him for so long.

But those were all things for later.

For now, Grian cheered and laughed as he and Scar began talks of builds, of how they might bridge the gap between their two bases. Xisuma was finally relaxing, and Tango smiled with little trace of guilt from before. 

It was all settled, and Grian finally had his name back.