Chapter Text
Brownsville, Brooklyn, New York, Earth. Year 1933 Pt3 - A few weeks later
Black. A dark colour that had existed since the dawn of time. A colour that despite it’s usual connotations, didn’t always represent bad things. A colour in this case, he had quickly grown to hate.
Since Mom passed away, he had been surrounded by it. The dark shadows that had formed and lingered in every corner of their home which had once been so bright and filled with life. The darkness of Mom and Dad’s once shared room, it’s light not having been switched since Mom’s passing as Dad couldn’t bare to sleep in there alone. The blackened bruises under Dad’s eyes from where he hadn’t slept properly in weeks and spent every night laying on the couch and staring up at the sitting room ceiling, talking quietly under his breath to Mom and then crying until he passed out. The black second-hand suits and ties that he and Ben had been fitted for the funeral and Susie’s black funeral dress. And now, the multiple others black outfits which housed multiples sets of sympathetic and pitying eyes, which they passed by as they walked down the church aisle following after the wooden casket that contained Mom, who wore the only colour at the event, having been dressed in a simple but beautiful lilac dress, which he’d picked out in Dad’s pick out from Mom’s wardrobe since he couldn’t bare to look.
His grip tightened on Ben’s hand, who he was leading down the aisle, Susie being led in front of them by Dad. He stared straight ahead, ignoring the eyes he felt on him from the crowd, including eyes of those who didn’t deserve to even be there. Mom’s side of the family, her Mother, her Father, her two sisters, her older brother, her aunt and her three cousins. Family who he hadn’t seen his whole life until today, since they had scorned and abandoned her after learning she had been pregnant with him so young and out of wedlock. They had reached out a week after Mom’s passing, after hearing about her death from someone they knew, and asked when her funeral was and if they could attend. He had been furious when Dad had told him about them potentially attending, he had yelled at him, telling him that they had no right to come after abandoning her for 15 years and that they should be barred from attending, with Dad, despite looking just as frustrated as him about it, told him that they couldn’t stop them from attending their own daughters funeral. After going around in circles a few times, he had reluctantly agreed, but told him that he would not be speaking a word to any of them, and if they ruined Mom’s day that there would be Hell to pay.
Once the casket reached the end of the aisle, it was lowered and rested on a stand. He and his family split off from it, takin their seats in the pews on the right side of it, with him sitting closest to it, with Dad on the far side and Ben and Susie sat in between them.
The Vicar stepped forward. An older, genuine and kind man from what he’d seen from speaking with him, with Dad, whilst making the funeral arrangements.
“We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a kind and selfless woman, who left this realm all too early. Helena Beatrice Xavier.” The Vicar smiles sadly.
His eyes slid closed as he heard the words, his lips pressed together firmly in a grimace, already feeling a familiar build up in his eyes.
He had cried so much over the last few weeks, in secret of course to not further upset is siblings, that he thought he’d be out of tears by now. But it seemed that he wasn’t.
But he couldn’t let himself breakdown, not in front of the Twins who needed one person to be strong amongst them. Especially when he could already hear Dad begins to cry to his right, and Ben curl into his side, his silent tears wetting his suit.
The service was a beautiful one. With Mom’s favourite hymns sung and her favourite song; ‘I'm Always Chasing Rainbows’ played on the church’s organ, the words either mouthed or sung softly by those who knew them. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church, even he had let a few tears escape.
Then came the burial, at this point, rain had began pouring from the skies as if it was mourning Mom’s loss as well. Rain droplets pitter pattered atop the wooden casket and the black umbrellas that covered many of the mourners gathered.
He held both of the Twins hands, the rain drenching them as they had no umbrella, watching as Dad approach the lowered casket first, a single white rose in hand. He couldn’t see Dad’s face, but he could see his shaking shoulders and hear the vocal sobs he let out, as he dropped the rose in. “G-Goodbye my love. I-I hope we meet again in the afterlife.” Dad’s words were shaky and barely intelligible. Dad stepped away and moved back towards them. Then it was Ben and Susie’s turn. He let go of their hands and gently urged them forwarded watched proudly as they took each others hands and bravely walked.
It was hard to see from this angle, but he could see Ben then make a small heart gesture with his fingers towards the casket, resting the heart gesture over his own heart, something he liked to do with all of them when he wanted to communicate that he loved them, in his own silent way.
“Bye Mommy. We love you.” Susie then said in her soft innocent voice, speaking aloud for them both. The innocent of her voice reminded him that she and Ben were only 4 years old and had already lost their Mom. When they grew older, their memories of her would fade and they would likely barely even remember her truly. It was a sad reality, but he would do his best to lessen the damage and keep Mom’s memory alive. They dropped their own roses in before they walked back together to him and Dad.
Then it was his turn. He swallowed, his grip tightening on his rose, his shoes sinking into waterlogged grass as he approached the casket, his eyes running across the shiny engraved plaque screwed to it’s top that read; Helena Beatrice Xavier. 1902 - 1933.
He dropped his rose and watched it drifted down and land just shy of the plaque, a white petal blowing itself free on contact.
“I-I’ll take care of them Mom.” He spoke his vow with a lump in his throat, emotion clogging it. “I-I love you. G-Goodbye.” He stared at the casket a little longer, imagining her body laid in there, looking peaceful like she was sleeping, her face resting and her eyes closed, before he forced the image out of his mind and walked away back to Dad and the Twins.
Now was the time for others to say their goodbyes if they wished, and surprise surprise, Mom’s ‘family’ came forward. He didn’t know their appearances as he had never met them or seen pictures, but it wasn’t hard to see Mom’s features in theirs which made it obvious. He turned away, not even able to stomach watching those monsters say their first words to Mom in 15 years, all too late for Mom to even hear them. If he did watch, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back from exploding on them.
Soon, the funeral was over, and the wake began. It was held in a hall that was owned by an old friend of Mom’s, who offered to have the wake take place there after hearing off her death, since their apartment was too small to host so many.
People milled around, paper plates of cheap food sat on a buffet table for people to take and eat what they wanted. It wasn’t a glamorous wake since they already spent most of their savings on the funeral, but it didn’t need to be.
He sat with his siblings either side of him on plastic chairs, who had a small plate of food of their own placed in front of them. Dad sat opposite them, looking completely drained and depressed.
They had spent most of the wake sat there, after speaking to a few people that they and Mom knew who had attended, and thanking others for their condolences.
He nibbled on a dry cracker, not feeling like eating at all, but he had to set a good example for the Twins.
He heard footsteps approach, and then a voice he didn’t recognise speak. “Walter was it?” As he turned, he saw them, Mom’s parents, addressing Dad in a curt tone.
He felt anger begin to bubble. How dare they think they could speak to them.
“That’s right.” Dad replies in a quiet and tight, but polite voice, as he stands, holding out a hand to shake. “Hello Mr and Mrs Carter. It’s been… a long time.”
Mr Carter doesn’t move to take the hand, not even saying a word, Mrs Carter just gave a sharp nod, her thin painted lips pressed into a thin line. “Indeed it has. We wish to give you our deepest sympathies. We were deeply saddened to hear of Helena’s death.”
“Thank you.” Dad nodded in acknowledgement at their words, but obviously isn’t moved at all. It’s all too clear to hear how fake and empty her words were. She didn’t care one bit.
Mrs Carter hummed, before her eyes fall onto the three of them. “Oh!” Her eyes widen slightly in surprise before the look returned to her earlier expression. “Aren’t you going to introduce us Walter?”
Dad does, though reluctantly. “Mr and Mrs Carter, this is Victor, me and Elena’s oldest son, and these are Susie and Ben, our twin youngest. Kids, this is Mr and Mrs Carter, your Mom’s parents.”
Mrs Carter smiled an obviously fake smile in greeting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Victor, a pity we didn’t have it before now.”
‘You would have if you hadn’t abandoned Mom’, he thought with anger. He doesn’t say anything, just nodding, knowing that if he did, he wouldn’t say anything pleasant.
“And hello the the two of you.” Mrs Carter’s expression changes when she looks at the Twins, an expression he doesn’t like at all, the way her eyes softened and her voice changed to tone that was so sickly sweet that it made him feel ill. "Why aren’t you both just the most darling things? Oh, you both look so much like your mother. Don’t they darling?” Mrs Carter nudged Mr Carter, who just gives a silent nod. He must be the silent type.
He doesn’t bother to hid the scowl that curled onto his lips at seeing how they interacted with his siblings, like they had any right to talk to them. Especially as the Twins curled into him wary of the old couple. Anger bubbled rising higher and higher. He couldn’t bare to listen or even looked at them any longer.
“I think you have overstayed your welcome Mr and Mrs Carter.” He spoke without thinking, but doesn’t regret his words.
Mr and Mrs Carter look at him aghast. “Excuse me?” Mrs Carter then exclaimed shrilly.
“You heard me.” He stood, pressing his palms to the wobbly table, trying to hold himself back from grabbing the pearl necklace from around her thin neck and choking her with it. He glared at the two, his voice is biting as he continued to speak, blurting out every thought. “We have graciously allowed you to play the part of grieving parents in the eye of your peers by allowing you to attend Mom’s funeral, but your charade has gone on long enough. You don’t deserve to even be here, grieving and talking about our Mom like you even cared about her, when you abandoned and disowned her years ago. It is in your best interest you leave now otherwise I will not hold back in letting everyone here know the type of people you truly are.”
Mr and Mrs Carter are baffled, Mrs Carter gaping, and Mr Carter looking with eyes wide with disbelief, which quickly turns to anger.
“The audacity! How dare you you retched little-!” Mr Carter spoke his first words of the day, spitting them with a low hiss as he begins to stomp closer.
Mr Carter is stopped by Mrs Carter though, as she holds him back, her sharp manicured red nails digging into the shoulder of his striped black and grey suit that probably costed more than their flat.
She didn’t look towards her husband whilst doing so, her sharp eyes are on him in a seething glare. “Come darling. Let’s not lower ourselves to their level-.” She looked down her nose with disgust.”- and just leave.” She took a step back, pulling Mr Carter with her, though not taking her eyes off him the whole while. The look in her eyes was seething, with a clear message, that he was going to regret this. Before they both turned and fully left.
He glared after them chest heaving until the door to the halls swung shut, when he returned to sitting. He focused on Ben and Susie, who still looked wary. He took a breath and feeling his anger to dampen now the source was gone.
“They’re gone now guys. It’s okay.” He wrapped his arms around them again, holding them close.
“Victor.” He looked towards Dad to see him looking at him with a frown, his eyes tired, showing how just how much the interaction had drained him. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not? They deserved it!” He argued sternly. “Talking like they ever cared about Mom when all they did was leave her and you floundering because they couldn’t have a wedlock grandchild soiling their reputation!”
Dad sighed. “I know. But Vic, the Carter’s have power in this city. We’d do well not to make them hate us.”
His frown deepened, feeling annoyance towards Dad. “I don’t care what power they have, and they can hate us as much as they want. I won’t let them ruin Mom’s day further.”
Dad just shook his head, not saying anything else. Though he could tell he wasn’t happy with his response.
A few hours later, the last people left the wake and they headed home after thanking Edward for letting them use the hall and helping him clean up.
They returned to the empty apartment that felt so much more empty somehow now that they had that Mom was completely gone. It weight on all of them heavily.
Dad headed wordlessly to the couch, where he laid down, still in his full suit and tie, and closed his eyes.
He watched after him and let out a tired sigh. As much as he wished he could do the same, head to his room and curl up into ball, he had to take care of and feed Susie and Ben.
It was dinner time anyway, and they would be hungry, so he should make something.
He wouldn’t do anything elaborate today, he decided, since he didn’t have the energy for it. Maybe a grilled cheese could be a good idea? Simple but flavourful. Also filling for their little bellies to not be rumbling during the night..
He turned to the Twins who stood there silently, looking lost and upset. Today wasn’t just a hard day for him and Dad, it was hard for them to. Mom was gone from their lives all too soon, after only a few years with her.
He swallowed back the growing lump in his throat. “C-Come on, let’s let Dad rest and get some dinner, yeah? You hungry for a grilled cheese?” He said as he gently urged his siblings towards the kitchen, not waiting for an answer.
He sat them down at the table and began pulling out what he needed; Cheese, bread, butter, a skillet, a spatula, three plates and a knife and a knife, and turned on the stove and let it get up to temperature before laying the skillet on the stove and to prep.
He first grab the half loaf of bread, cutting it into slices and quickly butter one side on each, before he then started on the cheese and began to cut the cheese block into thin slices. Once that was done, he placed the first slice of butter bread on the skillet, butter side facing downward, then laying down the cheese on top, before topping it with another slice, and set to wait for the bread to toast and crisp, and for the cheese to melt. Once one side was toasted, he used the spatula to flip the sandwich onto the other side and let the process repeat.
Cooking, now, was almost calming for him in contrast of the stress of the day. The sizzling on the butter in the skillet making the tension in his shoulders unwind.
For a moment, he allowed himself to close his eyes and just breath, listening. It was so familiar, almost nostalgic.
If he imagined enough, he could imagine someone else stood in front of the stove, the skillet in her hand as she flipped her perfect grilled cheese, a smile on her lips with pure enjoyment.
It made his eyes prick behind his lids, the feeling of longing filling him as he thought of her.
Why did everything have to go so wrong? Why did she have to go? Why did she have to leave them? Leave him?
Oh Mom…I miss you.
“Vicky?”
He jumped being brought out of his thoughts, blinking his eyes to hold back the tears that were now blurring his vision.
“Yeah Sue?” He asked turning towards her.
"The Grilled cheese is done.”
The words registered and turned back to the stove where the grilled cheese was sizzling, the cheese so melted it was running out of the sandwich.
“Oh shi-shoot-.” He quickly corrected himself. “Thanks Sue.”
He slid the spatula under the sandwich, lifting it free from the skillet, sliding it onto a free plate and handing it to Sue. “Here you go.” He gave her a strained smile before turning around and beginning on Ben’s, repeating the process, this time not allowing himself to get distracted until the second grilled cheese was done.
A few minutes later, he place Ben’s plate down in front of him, before turning off the stove and leaning back against the counter, not making one for himself since he still wasn’t hungry. He felt that if he ate, he might throw up.
He sat watching the Twins eat in the now silent kitchen.
Susie finished her grilled cheese first, sucking the grease that lingered off her little fingers. He smiled fondly at her. “Good?”
She nodded. “Uh huh.”
He asked the same to Ben, who was still eating. “What about you Ben? Good?”
Ben’s cheeks were filled like a chipmunk with un-chewed grilled cheese as he nodded.
He chuckled. “That’s good.”
“Vicky?”
He turned back to Susie, who was frowning down at her plate. It made concern fill him. “Yeah Sue?”
She looked up at him with her big innocent eyes. “Will we ever see Mommy again?” Her voice was small. It made his heart squeeze.
He opened his mouth and closed it again as a lump formed in his throat. He felt like crying all over again.
He walked around the table and kneeled beside her chair, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ears and cupping her cheek. “O-Of course we will Sue.” He gave her a small shaky smile. “When your time on this Earth is up, you will reunite with her in Heaven and all be together again, as a family, you’ll see.”
“Promise?”
His lip trembled, and he swallowed back the sob that was crawling up his throat, looking between her, and Ben who had long finessed eating and looked at him with his own wide eyes. “I-I promise, both of you, that you will see her again. B-But until then, she is looking down on you, on all of us. Even though she isn’t here with us physically, she will always be here with you in everything you do. O-Okay?”
Susie nodded, and so did Ben. “Okay Vicky.”
He nodded as well, feeling the restraint on his emotions begin to weaken. “O-Okay.” He cleared his throat and looked out the window, seeing the sky start to darken. “Well it’s getting late and it’s almost your bedtime. Let’s get you two to bed.” He blurted out as he quickly stood from his knees and ushered them out their seats towards the bathroom, passing by the couch where Dad lay, staring at the ceiling blankly.
He helped them brush their teeth and get into their pyjamas and into bed. He kissed them each on the forehead, saying goodnight, before turning out the light and heading to his own bedroom, shutting his door behind him. He could leave the washing up until tomorrow.
He flopped back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, not unlike Dad had been doing, thinking about Mom.
What was life going to be like without her? What were they going to do without her? Was it always going to be this difficult?
It didn’t take too long for the tears that he had been holding back to be let loose, and this time, he let himself cry, and mourn the woman that was gone from his life too soon.