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Ryan stinks, Greyson told me to put that

Summary:

Midsommar, but with the space pookies and the magnus archives and Mike Wheeler and Koshekh and my cat and David Tennant and Micheal Sheen

Notes:

Crackfic of the century /hj
Inspired by HIBZY
Written by me

Chapter 1: The death of my bunny

Summary:

Pet hamster is dead, very sad.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Greyson was a sad boi. His bunny had just died and that was the only family he had left. And he had an asshole boyfriend, who went by Jared Hopworth. He was involved in shady business and was homophobic despite being gay.

He called Jared, crying about Boobleb. "JAREEED HELP BOOBLEP IS DEAD!" He cried out over the phone. He heard the voice of Jared's friend over the phone. "Is he okay? Give him my condolences." Jared said nothing.

Greyson continued crying. "PLEASE HELP, HES DEAD!" Greyson screamed into the phone. "That's rough buddy." At this Greyson got mad. "STOP JUST CALLING ME BUDDY, I-I am..." Greyson fell silent. What even were they?

 


 

The next day, Greyson had not slept. He had be weeping the whole night. Jared knocked on his apartment. "Open up! I've got some friends with me and I left my discount pizza card here!"

"NO!" Greyson screamed as loud as he could, with his soar throat. "We'll take you to the party!" And at that, Greyson stood up. "Sure." Greyson liked parties, a decent bit, not really, not at all. But he liked Jared and wanted to go for him.

Greyson walked over to the door. He opened it to Jared, David Tennant, Elio and Ryan. He hadn't really met Jared's friends before. The first thing he notice was how fat of an ass the one on the left had. Next his gaze drifted to THE David Tennant. He stood all the way to the right.

Greyson froze up. He was a big fan of David Tennant. So much so, that he almost missed the third friend. Between Jared and David stood a guy with black hair, he was shorter than Greyson. Who wasn't that tall to begin with, so that was a surprise. "Ready to go, bud?" Jared asked. Greyson nodded reluctantly. And the black haired guyTM gave him a sympathetic look.

 


 

At the party Greyson talked to Jared and his friends. The guy with the fat ass had been called Ryan and the black haired guyTM had been called Elio. They were having a pleasant enough conversation. And at some point travelling had come up. Elio spoke, his voice was perfect, smooth like icecream. "Well, we were planning on going to Sweden.

Greyson was surprised at this, he hadn't heard of that ambition. "Oh?" He asked. "Yeah, in like, two weeks, we'll be going for midsommar. Helping David with his thesis." Greyson gaped, wide-eyed and stared at Jared. Who just shrugged.

Notes:

Crackfic setup done, a little rushed but that's okay. Might actually work on this.

Chapter 2: Packing up

Summary:

Greyson packs up to go to Sweden

Chapter Text

Greyson had no bags of his own, so he stood in front of Elio's door. He'd hoped to find Jared there as he hadn't been at any other of his usual spots.

He knocked on the door. It sounded hallow to his ears. He heard footstepse nearing the door and the very masculine voice of Ryan.

The door was opened by Elio, who smiled upon seeing Greyson. He called out: "Jared, Greyson is here!"

Greyson heard a soft groan and saw Jared appearing behind Elio. He took out his earbuds and a corner of his mouth twitched up.

"Hey buddy! How are you?!" Jared said as Elio stepped back to let Greyson in. Greyson petted Koshekh, who was stuck 4ft up in the air, as usual.

 

Elio's living room was cozy with comfy looking armchairs and a somewhat old looking couch. The kitchen to the right of Greyson was dirty from use.

Jared laid his arm over Greyson's shoulders. "You're here just in time, we're planning out our stay!"

"Ryan just went to the toilet for a minute and David should be here soon."

Greyson nodded, remembering why he was here.

"Could I borrow some bags, I sold mine off two years ago... to adopt Booblep"

Greyson felt tears welling in his eyes. Booblep, Booblep, his dear Booblep.

 

Elio looked up from the chair where he had sat down. "Jared, could you go fetch the tissues? Greyson, the couch is comfortable, you could sit down.

Greyson nodded and sat down. Ryan came back from the bathroom and sat down with his fat ass in the other armchair.

Jared returned with the tissues and sat down next to Greyson. He smelled of burnt meat, like usual.

Greyson dried his tears and felt Elio's hand on his arm. "When I was twelve, I lost my hamster. That was when I found my new family."

"I'm, I'm not ready, I'm not ready to talk about... it" Greyson barely managed to sputter out.

 

Elio withdrew his hand just as someone knocked on the door.

"That must be David." Elio got up and opened the door to David. He smiled and held a box of chocolates.

"As a thank you for letting me do my thesis on Midsommar at your family's place." David said while handing the box to Elio.

He waved and smiled at Greyson. Greyson tried to smile back, though it might have looked more like a sarcastic smile.

"Let's begin planning, shall we?" Elio sat back down onto the armchair and David grabbed a kitchen chair to sit next to them.

 

Ryan began: "We can stop in Stockholm for three days and have a few drinks."

Elio shook his head. "No, we have to go directly."

"And why is that?"

"Stockholm is in the opposite direction of my family. We don't have the time."

Ryan groans angrily.

"Can we stop anywhere for a few days of drinks?"

Elio shook his head again.

"It takes too long. We're already on a tight schedule."

 

"I don't actually have bags, I was looking for Jared so I could borrow one of his." Greyson interjected.

"You can borrow some of mine."

Elio got up and walked down the small hallway to what was probably his bedroom.

He came out with a Dora the Explorer backpack.

"This is my only spare bag, it's positively massive though."

Greyson nodded and gratefully took it.

 

"Is that all?" Elio turned to everyone else with eyebrows raised.

Jared shrugged and David nodded.

Ryan snorted sadly. "Yeah, I suppose so."