Chapter Text
The rest of the day went relatively smoothly, Joe stood guard wherever Kaoru went, and Kaoru made her way around the palace, talking to many different attendants at once, but not overworking herself like she had the previous day. She had a tutoring session with Reki and Langa in the afternoon and she was actually looking forward to seeing the two. Shockingly.
Once the time came for her to head to the study that had been turned into a mini classroom, she breathed a sigh of relief, she couldn’t take looking at one more invitation decoration.
Kaoru found that both Reki and Langa were already in the study when she entered, both of them standing to bow to her before their eyes locked on the new person in the room, who stood tall and intimidating. Reki looked like she wanted to say something about the knight who was following Kaoru around, but Langa beat her to the punch.
“Who’s that?”
Ever the blunt girl
Kaoru thought to herself. She sighed.
“This is Sir Joe, he will be my guard for the time being while preparations for my coronation are going on.”
“Will he be here for the whole lesson?” Langa asked.
“Yes, he will, and he’ll be here for the next few months too, he’s my new personal guard,” She said, annoyed with the idea of him being by her side for the foreseeable future. She waved a hand and started toward the front of the room. “Either way, you two should be practicing your kanji right now, not gossiping or whatever it is you do before I enter.”
“We weren’t gossiping, we were discussing the best way to properly get your horse from a canter to a gallop seamlessly!” Reki exclaimed, clearly excited to talk about her favorite thing. Arguably with her favorite person too.
“Of course, now let’s get started with our preparations, we have work to do.” She sat down and gestured for the two girls to sit in front of her.
The lesson went well, but that was a low bar to jump for the two teens considering they could barely keep quiet for more than a few minutes, but all in all, they had been relatively well-behaved and focused. Perhaps it was because there was a new, and intimidating, person in the room. Perhaps it was just a good day.
The two had left the room and left the princess alone with the knight. She continued to work on her calligraphy piece that she had started for the lesson, adding on some flourishes and embellishments for added aesthetics.
She wished she could say that she knew what came over her to even think about what she did next, but she would claim later it was a lapse in judgment.
“Do you know calligraphy?” She asked the knight, who was standing behind her, watching her over her shoulder with rapt attention. She heard his armor shift as he moved slightly. The room was quiet enough that she could hear the clink of the metal armor against itself and the floor.
“I was taught years ago by a friend, but I’ve not had much practice as of late.” He said softly as if the friend who had taught him was close and also no longer a friend to him.
“Would you like to learn more?” She turned her head to look at the knight standing behind her, looking at her with a curious and surprised gaze. She supposed that was because she had essentially offered him a private calligraphy lesson. She had a few more minutes to spare.
“Only if Her Highness wishes to teach me.” He bowed his head. Kaoru rolled her eyes and pointed at the floor on the other side of the table. Joe took the invitation and moved to sit seiza in front of the princess.
“I’m only doing this because I have some free time, no other reason,” She explained, eyes closed and a look of discontent settled on her features.
“You certainly don’t have to use your free time to teach me something,” He said, grabbing a piece of parchment paper that was sitting next to the table and placing it underneath two stones situated at the top and the bottom of the paper to keep the page from moving. He then looked up to the princess. She could only see his eyes as he was once again wearing the balaclava that he had on the previous day.
Kaoru hummed and Joe tilted his head as if to ask her
‘What is it?’
“Usually people want to get right into the writing part of calligraphy, they forget that the process starts from the moment you sit down and that the writing is only part of that process,” She brushed some hair out of her eyes and flicked her eyes down to her paper, “It’s partially meditation and partially creating, though it seems that you already knew that.”
Joe, to his credit, seemed slightly abashed after being called out but remained mostly unbothered.
“My friend was a great teacher,” Kaoru noted how solemnly Joe spoke about his friend, he showed a kind of regret and softness in his voice that wasn’t always there and his eyes dipped to look at the brush in front of him as if to avoid the gaze of the princess.
“Well then I’m sure you don’t need much instruction,” She hummed and picked up her brush, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. They were lucky that the other two girls had already ground the ink stick into ink or they wouldn’t have had time to even think about starting a new project.
They sat in silence, working on their own calligraphy pieces for about 20 minutes, Joe had immediately started working on his own piece with a sort of focus that Kaoru had only seen on the most determined crafters, someone who was trying to show something with their words, pouring emotion into each brushstroke intensely. She wouldn’t say it was the best technique considering people often got worn out after only two or three pieces. She knew it could be mentally and emotionally taxing.
When her childhood friend had abandoned her, she found that calligraphy was one of her only escapes, turning to her brush and ink to vent. A lot of her work back then was amateur at best, but she found that putting her feelings into physical words was cathartic and ended up doing that more and more until she crashed, making about ten pieces that were expressing her grief, anger, sorrow, and other such emotions each day. It was tiring, to say the least. She would never let anyone see the pieces she made that day, opting to burn each one at the end of the day, hoping that her friend could feel the hatred and despair she was feeling through some celestial force.
It wasn’t the best way to deal with her feelings, but it worked at the time. She remembered how the flames licked at her fingers as she placed the pages on them, the heat that burnt her fingertips mimicking the fiery-hot anger that spiked in her gut when she thought about how her so-called friend left her in the dust. And at night when she would lay in bed all alone, no matter how hot the weather, she felt the cold grasp of loneliness pull at her heart, reminiscing about her lost friend, and mourning the memories she never got to make.
Kaoru blinked, her eyes started to blur with unshed tears, but she quickly blinked them away and sucked in a deep breath, steadying her hand which she hadn’t realized started to grip the brush tightly. She glanced up to see if Joe had noticed her lost in her thoughts. He seemed to be focused intensely on his work, not looking up even when Kaoru placed her brush down.
She looked back down at her work and realized she had made something that she couldn’t quite understand. The words were clear, but the emotions behind them
“Repent and make efforts”
She knew what—and who—the phrase was referencing, but why she would want to immortalize her dilemma in the form of a calligraphy piece? She couldn’t even begin to imagine making amends with her lost friend, so why did her brush make this?
She didn’t get much time to ponder the whys of it all before Joe cleared his throat.
“If Your Highness desires, she need not share her creation with me, though I would like for her to assess my work. If she would be so kind.” He added the last part as an afterthought as if he wasn’t used to speaking so formally with Kaoru. She brushed it off and stood from where she was sitting, making her way to the other side of the table and glanced at Joe’s work.
“Regret weighs the heart that hurts the least”
Kaoru took in the words, reading them over and over again, trying to make sense of them. She knew, logically, what they meant, but it was hard to understand where they came from. Joe clearly has something he regrets or did something he regrets, most likely hurting someone he cared deeply about in the process. But why would he want Kaoru to read his woes on a paper that wasn’t even his own? Maybe he wanted advice from the princess? Well if that’s what he wanted then he will be sorely disappointed with what she had to offer in that respect.
“This piece seems very personal, you put a lot of emotions into just the words alone, without having to add any details around the kanji, it’s lovely.” She admired the work, still unsure of what the knight wanted from her. She didn’t want to assume anything outright, but she felt she had some personal connection to whomever he wrote about. It was hard to get a read on the man when almost his entire face was covered by cloth, save for his eyes.
“It is very personal,” He explained, “I… abandoned someone I used to–and still do–care about, and I feel an immense amount of sorrow when I think of how they must have felt when they never heard back from me, it makes my cry.”
The way that Joe spoke of this long-lost person, sounded as if he was begging for forgiveness from the princess herself. Absurd.
“Well, you shouldn’t be telling that to me, if you wish to make amends with this person you should be begging at their feet for them to even think about letting you back into their life. I’m sure someone like you is used to having to do that.” She says, disdain dripping from her words and soaking into Joe’s brain. She can practically see his teeth clench.
“Yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked sharply.
“That you seem like the kind of man who has to beg for forgiveness a lot, you’re somewhat smart enough to get the gist,” She smirked and walked back to her side of the table, bending down to pick up her calligraphy, looking at the words one more time before crumpling the paper tightly into a ball and tossing it to the side. “I mean, you had to grovel at my feet just this morning, did you not?”
“We both know you wouldn’t have accepted me as your guard if I didn’t, Princess,” The way he said the word ‘princess’ made it sound more like a jab at her than an honorific used for someone as respected as she is.
“I could always request a new guard if I don’t find my current one adequate,” She said as she sat back down. “I’m sure my parents could find me another hulking gorilla like you to keep an eye on me, one who isn’t as insatiable.”
Kaoru watched as the knight's eye twitched and he looked away. Kaoru knew she was being a brat, but she needed this knight to piss off and resign from his duty on his own, she couldn’t have someone as arrogant and inexperienced as him protecting her, she didn’t even want someone to protect her. She had taken to learning the basics of fighting with Adam while he was visiting during the summer. Every day they would practice the things that Adam had learned while at home.
She had been slightly out of practice for a while now, what with her being bombarded at every moment with different preparations and training for her coronation, and sure she wasn’t able to gain as much muscle as any man in he life due to the demand of her to be frail and delicate, but she could still hold her own in a fight if given the chance.
“Your Highness,” Joe started, his hand gripping the brush so hard that Kaoru thought it might break, “With all due respect, I can assure you that our prior interaction was a misunderstanding and an overstepping of boundaries on my part. I cannot apologize enough for my previous actions and words.”
He sounded apologetic, but the small area of his face that Kaoru could see showed that his brow was still pinched and the rest of his face was most likely contorted with annoyance. It truly was a feat to be able to speak so honestly whilst also looking like
that
.
Kaoru rolled her eyes. She didn’t have time to deal with this right now. It was about time for dinner and she was hungry.
“I suppose I must make amends with the idea of you being my guard, you seem determined to stick with it, so shall I,” She conceded, tossing her long hair over her shoulder and grabbing her fan to cover the bottom of her face. “You can do whatever you wish with your work, just let it dry first,”
“Of course, I am not completely ignorant about calligraphy,” Joe replied, standing up and walking over to the princess before holding out his hand for her to grab. Kaoru stared at the hand for a second, debating whether or not to take the offer. On one hand, it would be improper for her to stand up on her own, and if someone happened to see her stand while Joe was offering her a hand, she would be gossiped about for at least the rest of the week. However, if she didn’t take his hand, she would show him that she had no care for his kind gestures, and on top of that, there was no one around who would be able to see her refuse, the door was closed.
She stood up on her own.
Silently, the two made their way out of the study, towards the kitchens. Kaoru knew it was still too early for dinner to be ready so she decided that seeing what the cooks were making was the next best course of action.
She had always been close with the cooks, especially when they were still headed by the Nanjo family, and so she would often converse with them before meals while they made the food. It was somewhat of a ritual she did most nights, bringing her comfort from the monotony of everyday life in the palace. It helped her calm down.
Once they had made it to the kitchens, all the staff turned to her and bowed, something she appreciated but found was unnecessary seeing as she showed up there more nights than not. It wasn’t as if the staff were unfamiliar with her, it was quite the opposite. She knew most of them by name, and she allowed them to call her less formal titles than most.
“Ah, Princess, I was wondering when you might show up,” One of the main cooks, Kenshi Terada, said when Kaoru stepped over to him. He didn’t notice the knight behind her until he finally looked up from rinsing the noodles he had. “Oh, I didn’t realize we would have two guests tonight.”
“And for the foreseeable future, he’s now my personal guard,” She explained to the cook, who nodded and turned back to his task.
“Would you two like to try the dinner we’re preparing, it’s not completely done yet, but a few taste testers are always helpful.” He held out a small plate that had what seemed to be some type of foreign pasta dish on it. It smelled delicious and looked like heaven on a plate. Kaoru could feel her mouth start to water just at the sight of it.
“Did you use cream in the recipe?” Joe spoke up, when Kaoru turned to tell him off she was met with a serious look on his face. She decided to wait and see what he had to say first before telling him off.
“Uhm, yes, I don’t see why that would be a problem, Her Highness always enjoys Carbonara when we make it,” Kenshi explains. Kaoru trusts his judgment when it comes to food, he’s been feeding her for about a decade now.
“It’s much better when you don’t use cream in the dish, though, it’s more authentic that way too,” Joe says with a raised eyebrow, he looks around at the surrounding kitchen and its appliances, “Do you mind if I make some adjustments to your dish?”
“Princess, are you sure that this man has been trained properly? He should know better than to come into
my
kitchen, criticize
my
food, and then ask to use
my
tools to prove me wrong.”
“I assure you, good sir, both of my parents were chefs who taught me how to respect the kitchen and the art of cooking, I did not mean to suggest your food was bad, I just have-” He pauses and looks at Kaoru before continuing, “I lived in the west country for about a decade and grew up with the food and culture, I want to help you bring out the flavor in your dish without hiding the twist you’ve put on it.”
Kaoru looked to the knight and back to the cook. She was not aware of Joe’s past, nor did she care about it all that much, but to hear him talk about his past so willingly made her curious about how much he would be willing to share. Maybe she should pry and find something she could use to keep him in check. She lifted her fan to cover the part of her face that was facing the knight so she could stage whisper to Kenshi.
“He didn’t have the most humble first impression when I met him either, he’s more gorilla than man.” She smirked and glanced toward Joe, his eyes slimmed at her for a brief second before he turned his head as if to ignore her. She chuckled.
“Ah, I see,” Kenshi thought for a second before setting the plate down and clapping his hands, “I have an idea, we both make our own version of Carbonara for the princess to try and whichever she decides she likes best shall be the winner.”
Joe thought for a second before nodding.
“That sounds like a proper challenge, you’re on.” He took off his glove and held out a hand to the other man, urging him to shake on it. Kaoru only then realized that the knight hadn’t taken off his gloves in all the time they had been around each other, they seemed thin enough to have allowed airflow the whole day, but it also seemed slightly inconvenient for gripping anything.
After shaking on it, Joe took off the other glove and put both of them in a pouch at his hip, he carefully started to remove the metal pauldrons that rested on his shoulders, however, he strangely kept the breastplate on. Kaoru noted that he also never seemed to want to take his balaclava off. Odd. He then rolled up his sleeves to just above the elbow and washed his hands.
Kaoru decided to watch the two men cook from the side, occasionally she would walk around and watch over the men’s shoulders. She watched as they both moved effortlessly around the kitchen. Kenshi was moving seamlessly through the pantry to the kitchen as if he had always worked there. Joe, on the other hand, moved as if he had been born in the kitchen, whether it be this one, or some other kitchen. He seemed to be more adequately suited for a job in the culinary arts rather than the armed forces, and he seemed to find much joy in whisking the eggs and preparing the guanciale.
Joe seemed at home whereas Kenshi seemed like he was working at his dream job.
Kaoru was impressed with the display of skill that Joe was showing, she could admire skill when she saw it. If she hadn’t seen him and his prowess while fighting, she would’ve thought him to be a chef.
Once the two men had both finished their dishes, Joe had taken only slightly longer to get the dish plated, but it looked magnificent, they stepped back and placed their respective plates in front of the princess. She observed the two plates in front of her.
She picked up the fork that was next to Kenshi’s plate. She was almost certain she knew how it would taste, if not the usual then something even better seeing as he worked harder to make it perfect. When she took a bite of the food, she placed a hand over her mouth as a smile overtook her features. The flavor was nigh perfect, the creamy texture was delightful, and the noodles cooked just right. It was going to be hard to beat Kenshi’s food, but she was curious to try what Joe had made.
He had said it was “more authentic” to not use cream, so Kaoru wanted to try this “more authentic” version of a dish she had grown up eating.
She said nothing as she reached for the fork next to Joe’s plate, before slowly taking a bite.
There are many things in one’s life that one can recall from childhood, certain people or smells, or the touch of a certain blanket. Another thing that is easy to recall from one’s childhood is the taste of your absolute favorite food. Kaoru spent years eating the Nanjo family recipe for carbonara, she would recognize it instantly no matter how much time had passed and how many other foods she had eaten in between the last time she had had it and the present day. All that to say, she could taste the years of culinary prowess and precision that went into the food she had in her mouth at that very second. She knew that there had been generations of people building off of each other to make their own unique version of the same family recipe. She could feel memories of her and Kojiro being called in for dinner coming back to her as she continued to chew and swallow the pasta. She could feel her tears being wiped away by her childhood friend while Akie cleaned a scrape on her knee that she got while they were chasing each other around in the yard.
She didn’t know how to feel.
A rush of emotions flowed through her all at once. Joy. Nostalgia. Melancholy. Anger.
The last of them came like an icy hot blast and her eyes slimmed as she looked up at Sir Joe.
“How did you get this recipe? Where did you learn to cook?” She demanded, slamming the fork down onto the table and standing up with so much force that it knocked the chair she was sitting in over. She shoved a finger into Joe’s chest, accusatory. Of what? She didn’t know.
It was very similar to how they had interacted just that morning.
“I-I learned from my parents? They taught me everything I know, I may have tweaked a few things but…is it really that bad?” He tried to joke, looking sheepishly at the princess.
“Impossible, the only other time I’ve tasted something remotely like this was when the Nanjo family was heading the kitchen, now tell me again: Where did you learn this recipe?” At that moment, Kaoru could’ve sworn that a look of panic flashed over Sir Joe’s visible features, but that was gone so soon that Kaoru told herself she had imagined it. He took a second to stare down the princess before looking up and to his left.
“Nanjo, you say? That name sounds familiar actually, you said they used to head the kitchen. Did they perhaps move out to the west country?” He asked.
“They did, about eleven years ago now, I assume that’s where you’re from?” Kaoru crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at the knight.
“Well, I mostly grew up there, I was born here and spent a good few years in the area, but I had to move when my Nonna passed away. I might have spent some time learning from the Nanjo’s, they’re good people.” He explained. Something about his explanation seemed false, but Kaoru couldn’t pinpoint what it was that he was lying about. It seemed to be insignificant, maybe he pursued Kojiro romantically but failed to get her attention. The thought almost made Kaoru laugh. Almost.
“Does this mean I win the competition, Your Highness?” Joe asked, tilting his head forward.
Kaoru thought for a long moment, trying to come up with an appropriate answer.
Yes, Joe’s dish was far superior, it had the bonus of being inspired by her favorite childhood dish and the authenticity of the western food she loved so dearly. It was a no-brainer in who won, but Kaoru had to make sure she didn’t give Joe’s ego another boost, he already had too big of a head for her even to ponder giving him even the slightest compliment.
“Both dishes were fine, but since I must choose, then I say Kenshi’s wins my favor, I had a normal reaction to his food, rather than yours.” She knew it was a weak attempt to hide her feelings about the two dishes. She also knew that both men knew how she felt about their dishes. She wasn’t going to say anything, and she hoped that they wouldn’t either. “Anyway, I think it’s about time for dinner and I wouldn’t want to be late again, Mother would have my head if I’m late again this week, don’t let my opinion scathe your ego too much, Sir Joe,”
“Ah, how could I, when your expression was the highest praise I’ve ever received?” He joked, and Kaoru brought her fan down on his exposed hand. He hissed and shook the hand out as if that would rid the pain.
Kaoru patiently waited while Joe put his armor back on before they said their goodbyes and started on their way out of the kitchens.
Kaoru led the way as they made their way to the dining room, neither of them saying anything as they walked. Kaoru took gentle breaths and tried to clear her mind as they walked. She had spent the whole day working and losing herself in different ideas of her past that she barely had taken time to prepare herself for dinner. She knew that Her parents would be asking questions about Sir Joe and how the preparations were coming along. She also knew that they would barrage her with comments about finding a proper husband, if they had already spoken to Adam about it then it was inevitable that they came to her.
She didn’t want to have to choose a husband or, heavens forbid, have one forced upon her, but she was of age and once she was crowned then she had to produce an heir for the country, it was unlikely that her parents would allow her to become queen without her having a clear future heir. She had never been particularly interested in the men that were around her age, she never found them alluring or even worth her time. She was much more interested in her calligraphy or horseback riding.
The idea of being with a man romantically made her uncomfortable. She couldn’t see herself loving any man, no matter who they may be or what kind of background they come from.
It was strange, her mother had told her years ago that she would have certain wishes to be with men, and in all of her romance novels she would read about the feeling of attraction and pull that a woman should feel when thinking about her love. But those feelings never came. It was something she could never even imagine.
If she didn’t know any better, she would say that she’d rather be with a woman instead of a man.
Once the two made it to the dining room, Kaoru had thoroughly immersed herself in listing the many better qualities of women in comparison to men. Some highlights include the plushness of their thighs, the curve of their waists, the look of their hair in the wind, etc. She found herself thinking about how it would feel to be held by a woman in the way a man would hold her, how she would feel the woman’s soft yet strong hands caress her back and brush through her hair. She nearly shivered at that, a smile tugging at her lips.
She quickly hid her face behind her fan and walked through the doors, schooling her face and willing her faint blush to disappear. She very much did not want her parents to assume things if she walked into the room with her guard while blushing like a maiden (ignoring the fact that she
was
a maiden).
“Good evening, sweetheart,” Her father greeted warmly.
“Father. Mother.” She addressed both the king and the queen with an appropriate bow. As soon as she sat down, some of the staff came forward and poured water in glasses for them and placed a bowl of bread in the middle of the table for the appetizer. A western-style dinner it was then.
“I do hope your day wasn’t as taxing as yesterday was, I’m sure having a guard looking after you helped that some.” Her mother spoke softly. Despite all the sharp words and high expectations her mother constantly set on her, Kaoru always knew everything she did was because she cared and loved Kaoru deeply. Everything she does, it’s because she thinks it will help Kaoru in the long run.
“My day was fine, much easier than yesterday, and while it was strange having someone constantly looking over me, I must admit it was easier than I thought it would be.”
“That’s wonderful news, Kaoru,” Her mother took a second to sip at her cup of water before continuing. “I’m quite sure that Duke Ainosuke warned you about this, but we must talk about it sometime or another; you should be looking for a husband sooner rather than later, and before you protest, I have a few things to say.”
Kaoru was, of course, about to protest before her mother said that, but she figured that she might as well hear her out before she gave any input of her own.
“You should be looking for a husband, yes, but we will not force you to marry a man you do not want, so we will give you…options. Over the next few months you will be given the opportunity to meet as many people as it takes until you find someone you love, starting in two weeks with a weekend-long event for all the people in the kingdom, you will be allowed to ask anyone to accompany you to any event that might occur that weekend. This is the second reason we wanted you to have a personal guard so that you will be safe while the event takes place.”
Kaoru took a second to take in the information she had just handed.
So her parents weren’t going to force her to marry Adam? That was good news for both of them. But an entire weekend of socializing and trying to form connections with men she could never love? That sounded egregious. She couldn’t deny that the chance to choose a husband herself was most likely the best outcome for this conversation, and who knows what her parents might do if she refused to go to the event. With all that in mind, she takes a deep breath and nods.
“Alright, though I’m not the fondest of social events, I suppose I have no other choice.” She acquiesces.
“Oh, Kaoru sweetheart, you will always have another choice,” Her father chimes in, looking at her with an air of sincerity and assurance, the kind of look that only a father can give his child when he wants them to know nothing in the world can tear them down.
She nodded softly, and they continued their meal.