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Published:
2024-04-13
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2024-05-08
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3/3
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achilles come down

Summary:

Pitching his weight forward, Dick is about to fall, about to let himself go, when a sound catches his attention from behind him.

He freezes, stiffening. Only a bat would be up here at this time of night.

“Dickiebird?”

The voice is as familiar as Bruce’s, the same tenor that’s haunted Dick’s dreams and nightmares for the last few years,

“Jay?”

~

It's all too much for Dick. He's failing everyone in his life and he can't bear to fail anyone else.

Notes:

title from achilles come down ~ gang of youths (this song has ruined me, you should absolutely listen to it)

anyway! i hope you enjoy tearing your heart out <3 there'll probably just be two or three chapters, but knowing me, there may be a jay pov sequel

have fun?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: the most dangerous thing is to love

Chapter Text

The wind bites at Dick’s face as he stands, looking at the twinkling spread of Gotham below him.

From his vantage point, perched on the roof of one of the newer buildings dotting the horizon, he can’t see the seething crime of the city. The darkness and brutality of men as they destroy lives.

But neither can he see the laughing families, the joyful lovers and the dreaming poets. Those who can’t defend themselves- who need the Bats to save them.

All the innocents he’s failed over the years.

A shudder rips through him, and he looks down. Dark shadows and blinding lights dance together.

The lights seem to wink at him, while the shadows taunt him. Taunt the soft scraping of his shoes against the slightly gravelly rooftop. Taunt the wetness on his face and the shuddering of his chest.

He’s failed so many people.

Jason. Who died. Dick could’ve been there, could’ve saved him. Instead he was in space. And Bruce hadn’t even thought to tell him. If Dick hadn’t stepped down from Robin, Jason would never have had to pick up the mantle. He could have done so many things, but instead he hadn’t done anything to save him.

His parents. He should’ve checked the lines, should’ve reached further, should have saved them. But he watched as they fell, the Flying Graysons soaring no more.

Bruce. He couldn’t be the perfect son. He didn’t want to be the perfect son. The man who took him in. Dick can’t stop causing him pain.

Tim. He failed once being a big brother. It’s not surprising that he’s failed again. In Blüdhaven so much that he didn’t even notice what was wrong. And there were so many things. His parents, his mental health. He only ever thought he was a place-holder, and Dick hadn’t noticed.

The Titans. His team. God, he would try so hard, but everything would fall down, like dominoes in a light breeze. He’s lost count of how many times he’s failed them.

And everyone. Everyone in Gotham and in Blüdhaven. All the people he wasn’t there to save. The ones hurt by the villains that Dick left alive. No killing. But when would they stop, if not death.

Taking a small step forward, Dick leans forward. It would be so easy. He wouldn’t fail anyone ever again, because there would be no Dick to fail. It’s time he joins his parents. Time he joins Jason.

Dimly, Dick wonders if anyone will notice, beyond the absence of Nightwing on the streets. Bruce has been busy with a new crime boss- Red Hood- for the last few weeks. Tim was avoiding Dick, for whatever reason. Because he’s a failure. Alfred-

Alfred would notice. Alfred would miss him.

But Alfred will be fine. He’ll be alive, and Dick won’t be disappointing him.

Pitching his weight forward, Dick is about to fall, about to let himself go, when a sound catches his attention from behind him.

He freezes, stiffening. Only a bat would be up here at this time of night.

“Dickiebird?”

Flinching violently, only his training stops him from overbalancing. The voice is as familiar as Bruce’s, the same tenor that’s haunted Dick’s dreams and nightmares for the last few years,

“Jay?”

Twisting to face what has to be- what can’t be his brother, Dick takes a step forward.

It looks like Jay. Leather jacket and dark hair. Piercing blue eyes fixed on Dick. But he’s different, somehow. As if from somewhere else.

Oh.

Dick feels his face fall as his heart drops.

Right. Hallucination.

Jason’s face is heartbreakingly gentle,

“Dickie? Will you- will you come over here?”

It’s like he’s soothing a wild animal, cornered with an injured leg. Jay had done that, once- with a stray dog they’d found patrolling. He’d taken it to a SPCA.

Tears carve trails down Dick’s face, and he can’t, he can’t.

“I’m tired of failing everyone, Jaybird. Of letting people down just like I did you.”

The hallucination of Jason takes a step back, and Dick’s mind is doing a good job of trying to convince him to come down, but it’s not enough.

Dick is done disappointing everyone.

“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m so so sorry.” His throat is almost too tight to speak, but he has to say it, even though it’s not really his little brother. It’s the best Dick’s going to get.

“I left you, Jaybird, and you died, and it was my fault. And Bruce didn’t even tell me, and you’re dead! ”

A sob rips its way out of his throat, and he wraps himself in his arms, the urge to hug his little brother near-unbearable. But he can’t break the illusion. He doesn’t know what he would do if that happened.

“I was a terrible big brother to you, and I tried to be better for Tim, but he thinks he’s just a placeholder for you and he doesn’t know how much we love him and I failed him, Jay. Our family is falling apart and we need you. I need you. ”

As his voice breaks, Jason reaches out to him, and Dick takes a quick step back. He can’t break it. Not when he still has something to say.

“But you’re gone. And I can’t watch as everyone else dies like you did. I can’t do that. Not again.”

Taking another step back, he can feel open air under his heel. Jason lurches forward, “Dick, wait- ” but he’s already letting himself fall, eyes sliding shut and arms spreading.

And for a moment, he flies.

Chapter 2: soldier on, achilles

Notes:

chapter two!! is out!! later than i expected, sorry, but i've had a busy week. enjoy!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

One moment, Dick is flying, the wind embracing his form, and the next, the breath is forced out of him as something wraps around him and yanks.

Crying out, his eyes fly open, and he twists, flailing to get out of the stone-hard grip.

Someone is yelling, close enough to Dick’s ear for it to register over the thrashing panic. He’s still gasping for breath, body trapped by whatever restrains him.

He can’t- he has to-

And then everything screeches to a halt as his eyes catch the face above him.

Jason.

His eyes flash green in the lights of the city, and the hair spilling over his eyes is a shock of white in the dark, but his face is the same, if leaner. Dick’s body goes limp in the arms of his little brother.

The shadows of the city creep in, no longer taunting but welcoming. Dick moves a hand to press up against Jason’s arm, and his flesh is warm, solid.

The shadows cloud his vision, and, the reassurance enough for him, Dick closes his eyes once more.

 

~

Dick wakes to the sound of yelling.

“-assholes didn’t even notice!!! If I hadn’t been there what would’ve happened?! Bruce, what the fuck do you have to say for yourself?! No more dead fucking Robins, you bastard, get your fucking act together-”

Groaning, he rolls over, registering the familiar softness of the couch in the Batcave.

Jason and Bruce must’ve pissed each other off again.

But there hasn’t been an argument between the two of them for years. And Jason is dead.

Dick surges up, blankets falling from his frame, “Jay?!”

The shouting immediately quiets as he looks around the room, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

Alfred stands in the corner, a glass of water in his hand. Tim sits on another couch, face in his hands- but when Dick speaks, his head jerks up and it looks like he’s been crying.

Standing in the middle of the room, Bruce and Jason face each other, Bruce in his Batman suit- minus the cowl, which lies discarded on the floor next to him. Jason’s eyes blaze green- a trick of the light, maybe?- and Bruce looks ready to break down. Dick can almost feel the tension buzzing through the room as the eyes turn to him.

“What-” Why are they all looking at him like that? And Jason?! He doesn’t understand.

Before he can say anything, Bruce closes the distance between them in one long stride, and picks him up, arms strong around Dick. He gives a confused squeak as he’s squeezed, he’s twenty-five, Bruce, why- but as he brings his arms around awkwardly, he remembers the past night.

Stepping up to the edge of the roof. Gotham spread below him. Jason talking to him. Falling.

Oh.

His heart drops, and he sucks in a breath. That’s why they’re all acting like that.

Suddenly uncomfortable, Dick twists in Bruce’s hold, and when he releases him, tucks himself into the corner of the couch, shame curling in his gut.

They know.

Making himself smaller than he is, Dick avoids their sharp gazes, instead staring at the faded blue of his pants, more for comfort than looks. He hadn’t intended to be seen in them.

“Dick?”

Bruce’s voice is gentle, low, but Dick doesn’t look up. Can’t bear to see the look on his father’s face.

He’s failed them all. And now they know he wants to fail them one last time.

“Dick?”

This time, the voice is small, uncertain. Tim. There’s a shuffling of footsteps, and then a hand tentatively rests on his knee. He holds back a shudder, they’re disappointed, he’s disappointed them again, and when he doesn’t do anything, the hand slides off.

Dick does his best to ignore the cold that’s left behind.

“I’m sorry.” Tim’s voice is even smaller, and as the words register, Dick jerks up, catching Tim’s gaze.

“ No. Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault.”

Jason moves closer, and Dick’s eyes flick up to him- before jumping back to his legs.

Tim moves onto the couch, the weight of it shifting Dick half an inch, and then there’s a warm body pressing into his side. Hissing in a breath, Dick looks up again, and Tim looks so small, so sad and it’s all Dick’s fault.

“Then who’s fault is it?”

Bruce is kneeling in front of him, eyes wide and sorrowful and pleading.

Dick digs his nails into his palms, eyes back to avoiding everything, “Mine.”

And it feels like a failure in itself to admit it. Because if it was his fault, he could have changed. He could have been better but he didn’t, just kept failing and failing and-

“Move over, shithead.” A hand pushes Bruce sideways, grasping Dick’s chin and tilting his head up and Jason is there, the same strange green curling in his eyes, “Look at me, Dickhead. It’s not your fault. You’re not a failure.”

Sucking in a breath, Dick looks away at the fervor in his tone. Jay doesn’t understand. Because he is a failure. He failed everyone. “Dick, look at me. What you said, on the roof. It wasn’t your fault, me dying. That was all me and the Joker. Did you tie me up in a warehouse rigged to blow? Was it you who beat me with a fucking crowbar?”

Flinching back, Dick can’t stop his next shudder, “I left you, Jay. You should’ve had me, I should’ve been there but I wasn’t. ”

“Yeah, and the Bat should’ve been there, too. The police, fucking Superman. But are you blaming them? You’re not a failure for all the things other people have done. You don’t have to fucking die to make that up to people.”

Tim edges closer, pressing into Dick’s side, and he can feel a wet patch on his side, where the baby Robin’s face is buried. Bruce puts a hand on Dick’s arm, eyes a beartrap of guilt,

“That’s why? You think you failed us?”

His voice is strangled, and Dick can barely breathe past the lump in his throat,

“I did. I still am, Bruce. No need to pretend I don’t disappoint you all the time. I can see it, I can’t stop hurting you.”

And his words hit Bruce like a blow, he can see that, too. Hurt flashes in his eyes, not at Dick, but lingering.

But before Dick can retreat back to the circle of his arms and knees, Alfred appears behind Bruce, holding out a glass of water. Suddenly realizing his thirst- crying does that to you- Dick takes the glass, downing half of it before setting it on the side of the couch. Alfred eyes him severely,

“Master Dick, if I may?” He nods- he could never refuse Alfred, “Over the years, I’ve found that to love someone is to be hurt, and to be loved is to hurt. That is what happens when you open yourself up to people.”

So he doesn’t.

Some of his expression must show on his face, because Alfred continues, “But to love is also to live. To feel joy and anger and excitement. Love is what makes us human, Master Dick. And everyone here loves you. Tell me, what did you think would happen to us if you had not been saved by your brother?”

Flinching at the last words, Dick flicks away from Alfred’s sharp stare and back to his ever fascinating track pants, “I would’ve failed you. You would’ve- you would’ve been sad, but then you would move on and I wouldn’t be able to fail you again. You would all be better without me.”

The words are familiar, a track run deep into Dick’s mind by repeating the words so often. They’d be hurt, they’d probably hate him, but then they’d move on. And he wouldn’t be able to fail them again.

“You know…”His focus snaps to Tim, the small lump uncurling into glittering cerulean eyes, “Bruce nearly killed himself after Jason died.”

Everyone in the room seems to flinch, but Tim continues, looking straight at Dick, “I had to step in, to fill in the gaping hole. But it was never quite enough. What would he have done if you had died, too, and he could’ve saved you?”

Panic bubbles up through Dick’s throat, spilling over as he leans towards Bruce, “ No, you can’t, Bruce- people need you, you can’t leave them just because- you can’t- they need you-”

Bruce puts a hand on Dick’s knee, eyes dark, “They need you too, Dick.”

Notes:

there are definitely gonna be at least three chapters, so look forward to it :)

yes i'm sorry i love torturing my characters. eventually focus is going to turn to jay and y'know 'WHAT?!' but for the moment, it's dickie

if you enjoyed, leave me a little comment, i love you all!!

Chapter 3: more courageous to overcome

Notes:

so... this is late and short... but i sorta lost inspiration (as you can probably guess)
but anyway! hopefully i can get out a few more little things in the future (possibly part of a series, or just extra chapters), i have ideas!!

but hope you enjoy!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The next time Dick wakes, his family is curled around him, a blanket of warmth. The roof is different- actually a roof, this time, and they’re in a giant bed- Bruce’s, by the familiar softness of the mattress.

Warm bodies wrap around him, and, if he focuses, he can feel Tim tucked under an arm, small body curled into his own. Bruce has an arm curled around Dick’s chest, pulling him close, and Dick can feel his chest rise and fall in sleep.

A rustling catches his attention, and he twists carefully towards the noise, quietly easing into a sitting position as he tries not to disturb Bruce or Tim.

Jason sits on the edge of the bed, his head down and hands clenched into fists in his lap. He’s different than how Dick remembers him- the slight off-ness Dick had attributed to him being a hallucination is more vivid, now that Dick is looking properly.

A shock of white hair gets in Jay’s eyes as he bows his head, a standing contrast to the dark of the rest of his hair, and Jay is leaner, older. More filled in than he had been at fifteen.

He’s what, nineteen now?

A brown leather jacket is thrown over the mattress beside him, and now that Dick’s paying attention, he notices the dark leather of a suit underneath- tough enough to deflect most bullets.

What had Jay been doing, all this time?

 Tense energy radiates off of his brother, and when he doesn’t react to Dick shifting closer to him, he rests a tentative hand on his shoulder, voice soft,

“Jay?”

Flinching at the touch, Jay looks up at him, and his eyes blaze a sickly, radioactive green for a second, enough for Dick to suck in a surprised breath, before they fade back to their normal blue, tired as Jay leans into Dick’s touch. So he pulls his little brother in, encircling him in his arms,

“What happened to you, Jay?”

His brother practically melts into the embrace, gripping tight to Dick’s old, faded brown jacket as he buries his face in his shoulder, and his voice is muffled as he says,

“Fucking shit.”

Dick pulls him closer, careful not to disturb Bruce or Tim as he rests his chin on Jay’s head,

“You want to talk?”

Shaking his head softly, Jason tucks himself in closer to Dick, shrugging towards the other two on the bed,

“Not until they wake up. Don’t wanna have to repeat myself.”

“Ok.” Maneuvering them both so that Dick can relax into the mattress again, he runs a hand through Jason’s hair, reveling in the fact that he’s back, “Alright.”

 

~

 

When Dick opens his eyes again, the only other person in the bed is Bruce, his arms wrapped around Dick as he clicks away on a keyboard. As Dick rouses himself slightly, Bruce looks up with a fond smile, echoes of worry etched into his face, and presses a kiss to Dick’s forehead.

He does nothing but smile back, relishing the warmth of his father’s arms. Bruce closes his laptop, placing it on a bedside table, and runs a hand through Dick’s hair,

“Hey, chum.”

“Morning, B.”

Light shines in from the window, where Dick can see the soft swaying of the old oak silhouetted against the sky. He glances around, remembering the pile of birds from last night, 

“Where is everyone?”

“Tim went to get coffee and Jay went with him.” Bruce shifts into more of a sitting position, and Dick wriggles into a more comfortable spot against him. They’re quiet for a second, as sleep slowly drifts away from Dick, memories of the night before pushing through the haze of tiredness. Bruce seems to sense the direction of his thoughts, as he runs a soft hand through Dick’s unruly hair- he should probably cut it soon.

“You scared us, chum.”

Eyes darting to meet Bruce’s gaze, Dick blinks once in surprise, “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know.” B’s eyes are soft, “But you do know that we were scared? We’d rather you do anything than that, you understand that? Hell, I’d rather you kill the Joker than do what you nearly did.”

Shuddering, the manic laughter of the Joker echoes through Dick’s head. Phantom blood drips down his knuckles as the voice slither’s past him.

Jeez… I hit Jason a lot harder than that.

His name was Jason, right?

A different voice pulls him out of the memory, “Aww, hell, B. I might take you up on that!”

“Jay!” Dick slides partially off Bruce to beckon at his brothers, both of which hover in the doorway, “Come here, both of you.”

Bruce shifts to move off, but Dick purposefully spread-eagles out to octopus around his father, grinning as he groans, giving up on slipping away. Immediately, Jay thumps onto the bed beside him, pulling Tim between the three of them.

Worming around to hug his brothers too, Dick faces Bruce, using the warmth of his brothers beside him to fortify himself into the truth, “I think… I think I might be starting to understand that…”

Bruce pulls the three of them closer, tucking Tim’s head under his chin, “Good. And we’ll be here for you as you go.”

Notes:

done! it's not the best ending, but i just wanted to get it out to y'all <3

if you have the time, a comment would be very much appreciated, i love you forever <3 and i wish you luck with your ao3ing!!

Notes:

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i swear it gets better

comment and kudos are my life-blood and i love anything you give me <3