Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shauna didn’t understand how it all went so wrong so quickly. But well—that’s not entirely true. It was quick, but it felt inevitable. It always had, at least to her. Of course, she never expected this—never wanted this. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. How was this happening?…What was happening? 

Jackie. There was Jackie, her best friend. 

Jackie, who she met in her village at four years old, when she was separated from her parents in the market. Crying as she sat in the dirt, where Shauna and her mom approached her. Her mom calmed Jackie as best she could while asking where her parents were. Jackie stared up at her with wide, tearful eyes and a trembling pout as she said she didn’t know. Shauna sat down next to her and proclaimed she’d wait with her until they came back.

Jackie, who from that day forward claimed they would be best friends forever. It took a while for Shauna’s mom to find Jackie’s parents, but the two girls sat together peacefully, holding hands. Jackie had stopped crying as she talked to Shauna, started smiling and laughing with her new friend instead. Her big eyes, wide and sparkling. 

Jackie, who was rarely at her own house after that—she always came over to Shauna’s. It made Shauna happy, though every time Jackie’s excited light knocks echoed through the small house, her mom always looked a little sad. The look never lasted long—always replaced by a smile by the time Jackie came in. 

Jackie, who found out she was adept at magic when she was six years old. She showed up to Shauna’s house late at night, her knocks quiet and timid. Shauna’s mom opened the door to a blubbering mess of a girl with a red hand-print on her cheek. She had nothing on her but a hefty coin pouch, and a letter that she held up for Shauna’s mom to take. Shauna shuffled out of bed, rubbing her eyes with a yawn, to see where her mom went. Seeing Jackie, she immediately perked up—they had never had a sleepover before—until she noticed the crying. Until she noticed her red, swollen cheek. 

Jackie, who ran and fell head first into Shauna as soon as she saw her standing there. She held onto Shauna like a lifeline, and Shauna held back. She looked up at her mom for— something —as her mom gripped the open letter in her hands tightly, the paper crinkling under her shaking hands. Putting aside the letter and coin pouch, she dropped to her knees next to the two girls and pulled them both into her arms. 

Jackie, who started to live with Shauna and her mom from then on. She constantly buzzed around the home, offering to help with every little chore and trip to the market. It was nice, and Shauna loved having Jackie with her, but she missed having time with her mom—just the two of them. 

Jackie, who tugged Shauna through the village one day to show her this new glade she’d found nearby, coming to an abrupt stop at the sight of her parents walking toward them. She hunched in on herself, losing all of the exuberance she had just possessed, like a flower being leeched of its life. Wilting. Her parents sneered at the two of them, and Shauna shielded Jackie from their gaze with her own body. They walked past. 

Shauna threw a rock at the back of Mr. Taylor’s head. 

Jackie, who held on to Shauna, trying to keep up as Shauna sprinted away from the village, angry voices following them out. Jackie suddenly tugged Shauna in a different direction, causing her to stumble before changing course. 

Jackie, who led them to a beautiful, quiet glade, filled with wildflowers, where they finally stopped to catch their breath. Collapsing next to each other on the ground, temples leaned together, and hands still clasped, Jackie reached out into the grass with her free hand and grew a poppy. Shauna watched as the mana coaxed the flower from the ground, just to be plucked and handed to her. It was Jackie’s favorite flower. It was a thank you. 

Jackie, who found Shauna one day in the garden as she, too, was gently coaxing a poppy to grow from the ground. The process was slower, more draining, but undeniably magical. Jackie gasped and immediately started to make plans—They could go to magic school together now. She had been wanting to go, but she didn’t want to go alone. Shauna lost her concentration. The poppy wilted. 

Jackie, who was seven and missing one of her front teeth, led Shauna by the hand into the dorm they would be sharing with a few other girls for years to come. They had just changed into their apprentice robes after Shauna’s mom had seen them off with a promise to write to them both. Jackie picked the bed closest to the window and told Shauna to take the one next to her. Shauna did—she could still see out the window a little bit. She just couldn’t see the full view. 

Jackie, who thrived in the group setting, blossomed and made friends with all of the girls in the dorm, but particularly the other two girls their age: Lottie and Laura Lee. Shauna stood by her side, usually absorbed in a book, contributing to group conversations minimally. She had started reading a lot recently—she had access to more books now than she had ever seen and had even been able to sneak away a few books from the restricted section. Jackie always complained that Shauna needed to be more social. Shauna always complained that Jackie dragged her along to everything anyway, so she was just as social as she was. 

Jackie, who excelled in natural and spiritual magic, struggled with the other schools. Everyone had their strengths. Laura Lee was the best spiritual mage in the school at just 12. Lottie and Jackie were two of the best in natural magic, and, as it turned out, Shauna had a knack for evocation—discovered after a particularly tense argument between Jackie and Shauna where Shauna quite literally blew up a little. Shauna was constantly reading and researching. She never let Jackie see what she was researching, but Jackie didn’t pry…too much.

Jackie, who unknowingly started to make joint decisions instead of suggestions, picked their elective courses. She grabbed Shauna’s food every day while she was in line, because she knew what was her favorite. What if Shauna had wanted to try something new? She answered for Shauna when a classmate asked if Shauna could help them later with an evocation spell—she couldn’t, they were going to go into town later . That was news to her. Shauna clenched a book in her hand— The Mysterious History of The Wilderness and Dungeon Ecosystems. 

Jackie, who stood there shell shocked, when Shauna told her she was leaving. Jackie confronted her about how distant she had been—Jackie felt neglected; she wasn’t spending enough time with her. She would always rather read a book than spend time with her. Shauna unleashed. She hadn’t ever loved magic. She had only ever come to this school because Jackie had dragged her here. She couldn’t take Jackie controlling her life anymore the way she had been since she was four years old. She felt sorry for Jackie. No one else knew how tragic, insecure, and boring she really was. 

Jackie, who at eighteen, wore a face so similar to the one Shauna saw all those years ago—six years old, looking lost, scared, and abandoned. I don’t even know who you are anymore . Shauna finished stuffing the important things of hers into a rucksack. Or maybe you never did. She turned and left without another word. 

Jackie, who four years later, looked exactly the same except for her slightly longer hair. Shauna spotted her first, across the crowded market outside of the dungeon, in front of one of the many guilds. Shauna stopped in her tracks causing Tai, one of her party members to run straight into her back with a grumble. The rest of the party continued on without them—they were coworkers, and the job for the day was done. 

Jackie, who looked up and around until her eyes met Shauna’s, as if she could sense her gaze. Shauna watched as Jackie looked her up and down, her eyes catching on the armor, on the sword—no magical staff in sight. After Shauna had left the school, she had joined a group of mercenaries who frequented the Wilderness Dungeon for various jobs, and she learned that she was actually quite skilled with a blade. That was where she met Tai, and eventually they decided to join one of the guilds together for more stable work.

Jackie, who honed in on Tai’s hand on Shauna’s shoulder as she asked her why she had stopped so suddenly. Jackie was surrounded by a somewhat sizable group. Shauna immediately recognized Lottie and Laura Lee—she had known them for a decade—but there were several others she didn’t: a broad, red-headed fighter with a halberd strapped across their back, a smaller blonde with what looked like a lock picking kit on her belt, and a stoic looking man with a sword standing next to the blonde. Shauna took a deep breath and tore her eyes away, reassuring Tai that it was nothing. 

Jackie, who walked right up to her and pushed her in the middle of the first floor of the dungeon, causing the hustle and bustle of the floor to pause. Shauna had the reputation to be somewhat volatile in confrontation. Her party immediately took up fighting stances, and Tai put her hand on the handle of her axe. Lottie and Laura Lee’s mouths dropped open. Their eyebrows flew upward, but their eyes teemed with emotions Shauna couldn’t grasp in that single moment. They held back the rest of their party as Shauna motioned for hers to stand down. The push only caused her to back-step once, and it was the closest she had been to Jackie in four years. 

Jackie, who paused right after the push, like she hadn’t even meant to do such a thing. Her face scrunched up in the way it always had when she was pissed off, frustrated, or trying not to cry. Shauna tried to triangulate which one it was at that moment. Her eyes burned with something as she searched Shauna’s face, pausing between Shauna’s eyes. Right where she knew the small scar on her nose was. They had had a particularly tough fight with a group of Living Armor last year, and the scar on her nose was the least of her injuries.

Jackie, whose hand traveled upward slowly, hovering for just a moment, shook her head and grabbed Shauna’s collar. Her party was going to find the ruler of the Wilderness and defeat him , and Shauna was going to stay out of her way —deciding everything for the two of them, just like she always had. She walked away. Lottie and Laura Lee sent timid waves and apologetic looks. 

Jackie, who found Shauna’s party once again on the fifth floor of the dungeon. It was impressive for a new party to get that far. They looked a little worse for wear, but mostly just tired. It was a similar state to Shauna’s party. The fifth floor of the dungeon was a dense, dark forest, teeming with various beasts, so safety in numbers was very much preferred. They stumbled upon Shauna’s group setting up camp, and Laura Lee was the one who pitched the idea to band together for the night. Tai and the others looked to Shauna warily, only agreeing once she gave a nod of assent. Jackie stood there silently, looking everywhere but at Shauna, and particularly glaring at Tai. 

Jackie, who turned in for the night first, stayed on the opposite side of camp from Shauna. Shauna offered to stay up and take first watch. She found her eyes constantly drifting towards Jackie at the beginning of the night, but scolded herself enough to start to take the watch seriously. The fifth level was serious. Shauna listened to the crackling of the fire, which almost masked the rustling sound of Jackie getting out of her furs. 

Jackie, who walked off into the darkness of the forest on the fifth level alone in the middle of the night. Shauna’s heart pounded as she clenched her fist. She had a watch to keep. She had to worry about the safety of everyone . 

Shauna stood and followed after Jackie. She didn’t have to go very far. 

Jackie, who was standing with her forehead against a tree, her hands covering her face. Shauna reprimanded her for leaving the group, jolting Jackie away from the tree. She took a deep breath, Shauna couldn’t see her expression in the low light, and crossed her arms. She hadn’t even gone that far and was going to come right back. Shauna seethed. That was dangerous, and she was totally inexperienced in here. 

Jackie, who must have sneered because Shauna could hear it in her voice. She could handle herself . Shauna rolled her eyes, but she knew Jackie , four years couldn’t change that much . Jackie had thought she knew Shauna but that all changed in a single conversation, four years could do a lot. Shauna had always been quick to temper, but no one made her burn hotter than Jackie. Her simmer turned to a boil, and her arms gesticulated wildly. Jackie couldn’t be this reckless in the dungeon. Shauna had left her watch post too, endangering everybody. Their voices rose, and they inched closer together with each word. 

Jackie, who, at this close, Shauna could tell had been crying. Shauna clenched her jaw and Jackie’s eyes tracked the movement. Jackie glanced at Shauna’s lips, and Shauna leaned in. A twig snapped and on instinct Shauna grabbed Jackie and rolled out of the way of a huge, shadowy mass. 

Jackie, who Shauna pushed up and towards the camp as she drew her sword—her eyes searching the shadows for whatever that creature had been. 

Jackie, who stumbled back toward the firelight, was already calling for help. Shauna could hear both parties scramble for their gear and hurried running heading in her direction. She called for the parties to circle up back to back until they could locate the creature. The large creature, seemingly cloaked in shadow, burst from the trees once more and barreled through them, sending many of them sprawling. Shauna heard a scream from one of her party members that was cut short with a sickening crunch as he was dragged into the trees. Moments later, Shauna heard a different party member of hers meet the same fate. She turned toward the noise, sword at the ready. 

Jackie, who screamed Shauna’s name desperately, as a hulking, demonic, deer-like creature headed right toward her.

Jackie, who somehow made it over to her, used all of the strength in her lithe body to push Shauna away. 

Jackie, who let out a cry of agony as huge, grotesque jaws clamped around her middle. 

Jackie, who reached out to Shauna with her staff as the creature opened its jaws to take another bite.

Jackie, who smiled when Shauna grabbed the staff, blood leaking between her teeth and down her chin. 

Jackie, who mumbled an incantation under her breath. 

Jackie, who said Go.  

Jackie, who disappeared between the beast’s teeth. 

Jackie, who vanished along with the fifth level of the dungeon, as Shauna landed roughly on the surface, sword clutched in one hand and Jackie’s staff in the other. She barely registered the sound of others groaning in pain around her. 

Jackie, who trusted Shauna with her staff—the most important link to her magic. 

Jackie, who used her last breath to save everyone she could.

Jackie, who…

Jackie, who…

Jackie. Jackie. Jackie. Jackie.  

Shauna didn’t realize she had been sobbing her name until she felt several bodies surrounding her. Some hovered awkwardly at the edges, Shauna couldn’t see through the tears, but she felt their presence. She did feel the grounding squeeze of Tai’s hand on her shoulder; she was supportive, but she didn’t understand the weight of it all. Shauna barely talked about Jackie with her–not to any real extent, not to any depth.

Shauna felt two bodies encircle her, shaking with tears almost as much as she did. Even after four years apart, she could instantly pick out Lottie and Laura Lee on touch and smell alone. They held her tightly as she sobbed with a death grip on Jackie’s staff, the small poppy weaved into it starting to wilt. She was babbling nonsense, but none of it mattered except—

Jackie . Jackie. Jackie, please . 

Shauna stayed like that for a while, Lottie and Laura Lee holding onto her the whole time. Tai stayed close, but the rest of her party left. They had lost two members and hadn’t even completed their mission—they were out.

Shauna finally tired herself out after what felt like hours; it really could have been. They had to go back in. They had to save Jackie. If they got to her fast enough, she could still be resurrected. She had to be resurrected. 

Shauna begged. Lottie and Laura Lee were immediately on board, and Tai nodded solemnly, promising to do what she could. The man from Jackie’s group— Travis , Lottie prompted—shook his head. He had a little brother to look after. He couldn’t risk another encounter with that thing. The rogue— Nat— agreed after a deep breath and an imploring look from Lottie. The red-head— Van— agreed because she wanted the chance to take that beast down. 

Shauna gathered herself and her new party, intent on heading back down into the dungeon as soon as possible. She had to. It was Jackie . 

------------------------------------------

Jackie, who as consciousness and pain left her body, was being slowly digested. 

Chapter Text

Shauna wiped the tears from her face, her hands just further irritating her ruddy cheeks. She started to stand, dislodging Lottie and Laura Lee’s hold on her. They quickly followed her up, Lottie placing a soothing hand on Shauna’s back while Laura Lee held her elbow. Shauna didn’t acknowledge them, but looked at the three other faces remaining around them. 

Nat and Van both shifted a bit awkwardly, but Shauna supposed watching someone you had just met and knew nothing about having a complete breakdown could leave you unsure of your next course of action. Tai stood a few steps away from Shauna, Lottie, and Laura Lee. She looked concerned and a bit out of her depth, her eyes bouncing between Shauna and the two mages practically holding her upright. Shauna sighed—she would have to catch Tai up on a lot of things. 

But first—

Shauna cleared her throat, but that still didn’t prevent her voice from cracking upon speaking. “Let’s get moving.” 

A pregnant pause grew in the group and nearly made it to full term, until Tai stepped forward. 

“Shauna…” It was her placating voice. It was her, this is a bad idea, and I am going to convince you that this is a bad idea, voice. Shauna sometimes found it to be a bit condescending at the best of times, and this was most definitely the worst moment of Shauna’s life. 

“Every second that we waste is a second that we can’t afford to waste!” Shauna clenched Jackie’s staff in her hands, only belatedly realizing she had left her sword on the ground where she dropped it after the teleportation. She leaned down, dislodging Lottie and Laura Lee once more, to grab her sword and sheath it. 

“You need to take a minute. We need to take a minute. That thing back there would have wiped both of our parties.” Tai reached out to place her hand back on Shauna’s shoulder, to comfort her like she had done before, but Shauna tore herself away from her reach. 

This was worse than having both of their parties wiped. Jackie had gone somewhere that Shauna couldn’t follow. Shauna was always supposed to go first—she couldn’t be condemned to a world without Jackie. She wouldn’t be. 

“We don’t have a minute! This is taking too long already. She wouldn’t have taken this long. She would’ve already been on her way.” Her grip on the staff tightened, as her throat did the same against her words. “I’m letting her down. I can’t let her down.” 

Shauna’s eyes glazed over, and for a brief moment she saw Jackie. Jackie at eighteen, with tears in her eyes looking like her world was falling apart around her. Looking at Shauna with such hurt and betrayal. I don’t even know who you are anymore . 

“Shauna. Shauna, hey. Listen to me, you need to calm down.” Shauna couldn’t focus. She heard the words, but she couldn’t see who spoke them. She could only see Jackie. She couldn’t feel herself. She wasn’t in her body….Where was she?

She was being swallowed. She was being digested. She was being suffocated. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe . 

She was vaguely aware of a pressure where her chest would be if she was still in her own body, and the air that was now her arm met resistance against something soft, warm, and moving. Moving slowly and gently. Up and down. Up and down. In and out. In and out. 

Sounds suddenly began to filter back into Shauna. She could hear the wind and the birds and the agonized, struggling wheezing of her own breath. Suddenly, she was thrust back into her body, and her outstretched hand grasped desperately against what it was being held to. 

“Deep breaths, Shauna.” Lottie murmured calmly, her hand pressed against Shauna’s chest. She squeezed Shauna’s other hand, which gripped at Lottie’s robes, threatening to rip them apart. Shauna had always been good at destruction.

She followed Lottie’s breathing as best as she could; her hand squeezed against Lottie’s robes with each inhale. After a few minutes she finally started to calm down, her iron grip loosening against Lottie. Lottie gave her hand a few gentle pats as she finally let go.

“There you go, Shippy.” Shauna couldn’t help the pathetic whimper that left her at the nickname.

“Only Jackie calls me that.” 

“I know, and she will again…Shauna, listen. We want to save Jackie just as—“ Lottie stopped herself. “We want to save Jackie too, but we have to be prepared to do so.” 

“Exactly,” Tai joined in. “We have no idea what that creature was—I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

Shauna took a shuddering breath before reaching into her rucksack, and pulling out a book: The Mysterious History of the Wilderness Dungeon and Dungeon Ecosystems.

“Did you take that from the school?” Laura Lee asked, but it wasn’t accusing like Shauna worried it might be. Instead, it was a bit delighted. Shauna nodded sheepishly. 

“I was still in the middle of researching when I….” Shauna cut herself off with a bite of her lip. She shook her head and shifted Jackie’s staff to rest in the crook of her elbow, so she could flip through the book more easily without having to put either down. 

“I think it was the guardian of the Wilderness.” Shauna mumbled to herself as she flipped quickly through the book. “Here.” She came to a stop about two-thirds of the way through the hundreds of pages in the book, pointing at a series of paragraphs and flipping the book around to the group. 

“It’s only mentioned in these few paragraphs. Not much is known about it other than the fact that when it was sighted it was thought that the ruler of the dungeon was nearby.”

“Why have you never shown this to me before?” Tai crossed her arms, a bit of hurt creeping into her voice. Shauna winced apologetically, and opened her mouth to lie, before she was interrupted. 

“How many times have you even read that thing? How the hell did you remember two specific paragraphs?” Van raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, but she sounded impressed. Or, at least, Shauna thought she did. 

“Shauna has been reading and re-reading this book since we were thirteen.” Laura Lee leaned in to read the book with a smile. 

“It’s hard to picture her without it. We were wondering what happened to it after…after.” Lottie stood behind Laura Lee and read from over her shoulder.

“So how does this help us?” Nat strolled up on the other side of Laura Lee, eyes scanning the text. 

“Well, we know what we’re up against now, so we can get moving.” Shauna warily relinquished her hold on the book as Lottie reached out to take it. 

Growing up, Lottie would sometimes join Shauna, and they would read the book shoulder to shoulder. She was just as interested in The Wilderness as Shauna was, but Shauna never knew exactly why. Not that Lottie knew why Shauna was interested either—they didn’t bother each other with motive. They just read. She was the only other person Shauna trusted enough to handle the book without being there.

Jackie had tried reading with Shauna several times, but she never made it more than a few pages before giving up and begging to do something else together. Shauna always gave in. 

A scoff brought Shauna back to the moment. “Two paragraphs changes nothing. We still need a plan. We still need supplies .” Nat was now reading over Lottie’s shoulder. 

“I agree.” Both Tai and Van spoke at the same time, sparing each other a glance from where they stood sentinel around the clustered group. 

“Me too.” Laura Lee peered up from the book. 

Shauna clutched Jackie’s staff. She would just have to get a head start then. They could catch up. 

Before she could even shift her weight to start walking, and hand gripped her bicep tightly.

“Shauna.” Laura Lee spoke in the serious voice Shauna had heard her use only three times in the ten years they lived together. “If you think we’re about to let you head in there on your own because you were being impulsive, then you really don’t know us at all. Plus, Jackie would actually kill us if we revived her just to tell her that you died because you were being stubborn and reckless.” 

“Well, that’s nothing new.” Lottie muttered as she flipped to a new page. Shauna glared at her in a huff. Laura Lee mumbled under her breath that Lottie was not helping . 

“We just need to take the night. Gather some supplies, decompress, and get our heads on right. Make a plan. Okay?” 

“Laura Lee, you know better than anyone the window of time we have to save her, are you sure we can do this?” 

Laura Lee loosened her grip on Shauna’s arm and moved to smooth out the sleeve. “It would be better if I knew the actual habits of the creature, but—“

Lottie interrupted. “A creature that large, after a meal that big—“

“Meal?” 

“ Meal !?” 

Nat and Shauna interjected at the same time. Nat looked a bit green at the thought, while Shauna looked enraged. 

“—all I mean is that a seemingly mammalian type creature, after eating a lot, would rest. That would slow digestion—if this thing hibernates it would slow it down even further.” 

“Then yes,” Laura Lee nodded, “we can take the night to prepare and rest, and we can leave in the morning. Okay?” 

Shauna remained tightly coiled, preparing for…she didn’t know what she was preparing for. 

“ Okay?” Shauna looked down at Laura Lee whose eyes had been searching for her own the entire time she had been talking. Imploring. Shauna nodded. 

“Well I don’t know about you all, but I left everything but the clothes on my back and my weapon in the dungeon—including my coin purse. Goodbye, retirement fund.” Van sighed then looked between Tai and Shauna. “Either of you mercenaries have any gold or supplies to share with the group?” 

Van leaned towards Tai and batted her eyelashes. Tai rolled her eyes playfully and reached into her satchel, bringing out a lackluster handful of gold and silver pieces. 

“Unfortunately, we’re only stocked with enough for the mission, and then a small stipend. Most of my money went into this.” Tai tapped on her axe. 

“What about you, Shauna?” Van tilts her head almost challengingly. It was much different than how she asked Tai. 

Shauna reached into her rucksack, taking out five gold pieces. “Most of what I earn I send back home to my mom and for—for my mom, yeah.” 

Shauna avoided Lottie’s somehow always knowing gaze. 

“Well this sure as shit isn’t enough for supplies. I don’t even have half of my armor.” Van gestures down herself—the only thing she had thrown on in the chaos of the fight was a breastplate. 

“That isn’t even to mention food.” Nat, finally bored with the book, walked over to Van’s side. 

“The Wilderness can provide for us.” Lottie looked up from the book, turning it around to show them all a page. It was one that Shauna had often studied and knew well. Sprawled across two pages was a drawing of the inner ecosystem of The Wilderness. Various flora, fauna, and monsters in the circle of life.

“Lott, you can’t mean…” Nat’s eyes widened at the implication. 

“We are part of it just as much as it is a part of us.” 

Shauna hesitated at Lottie’s tone, but nodded. “She’s right—it might not be pleasant, but most of the plants and monsters in The Wilderness are edible in some way. That way we can use whatever money we have to stock up on other supplies and equipment.” 

Van tilted their head and regarded Shauna. Shauna met their gaze, watched as they came to some sort of conclusion to themself, and nodded. “Fine. Let’s do it.” 

Shauna let out a breath of relief then looked to Tai. “Like I’d abandon you now.” Tai scoffed and Shauna stilled, her eyes dropping to the ground. 

“ Greeeaaat, just what this incredibly stable party needs—food scarcity.” Nat drawled. 

“We won’t go hungry.” Lottie closed the book and handed it back to Shauna. She quickly put it back in her rucksack, right next to the other book she had kept from her days at school. 

“That settles it then, we’ll grab what equipment we can, and we’ll head out in the morning.” Laura Lee bounced on her heels and brought her hands together in a gentle, uplifting clap. 

Hitching her bag onto her shoulders, Shauna started back toward town without another word. Whatever lead she might’ve had was quickly overcome by Tai, who caught up to her in just a few long strides. “We are talking about this later.” Tai gave her a look that said this conversation was non-negotiable, and Shauna nodded. 

“Fine.” She didn’t decide how much she would tell Tai yet, or how much she would lie about. Considering Tai didn’t even know she used to train to be a mage at all, Shauna could tell her a lot without telling her anything. If she wanted to. An arm suddenly hooked through her own, and Shauna would have ripped her arm away had it been anyone other than Laura Lee. 

Laura Lee who had never been anything other than kind and caring towards her. Through the years, Shauna, Jackie, and Lottie were able to convince her to go along with their mischief. She used to say she was just going along with them to make sure they didn’t all get in trouble when they snuck into the library at night so Shauna could pilfer the restricted section, or to the kitchens so Jackie could get a midnight snack, but Shauna recognized the glint that grew in her eyes over time. She found it exciting. 

“We have missed you, you know. All of us.” Laura Lee said it simply. As if it was a fact. As if it didn’t tear the reality Shauna had built up in her head asunder. Because all included Jackie, and if Jackie missed her it meant that maybe she didn’t hate Shauna so completely. 

She couldn’t afford to think about that right now. 

“It’s good to see you, too.” Shauna said instead, and was surprised that it was the truth. She hadn’t admitted to herself before how much she had missed Lottie and Laura Lee too—she was always so focused on Jackie. That had always been the issue. 

“This is a good look for you.” Lottie plucked the sword at Shauna’s side enough for it to fall back against her thigh. “Probably a better outlet too…better chance to keep your eyebrows.” 

Shauna couldn’t help the laugh that left her. It was little more than a concentrated exhale, a huff, but it was the closest thing she had gotten to a laugh in what felt like days. 

“What the hell does that mean?” Nat piped up from just behind Lottie. 

“Yeah, do you have a habit of shaving your eyebrows when you’re stressed?” Van leaned forward to look at Shauna from around Tai, who blocked her smile with a hand. 

“No.” Shauna ignored them and continued to walk ahead, arm in arm with Laura Lee. 

The town was probably only a half a mile away. It had been a pretty precise teleportation spell to get that many of them that close. Shauna wasn’t surprised they had landed in a glade. Jackie had always been fond of them. Something about being so hidden while being out in the open, protected and from all angles by the trees–Jackie found it comforting. Shauna always saw it as being stuck out in the open, easy to be singled out away from the forest of surrounding trees.

“See I had changed my mind about calling you a bitch once I saw your reaction to…everything, but you definitely are kind of a bitch, aren’t you?” Shauna wondered if Nat knew how right she was. Her tone had been a bit teasing, but there was a grit and weight to it that let Shauna know she meant what she said. 

Shauna saw Laura Lee open her mouth to respond to—possibly to admonish—Nat from her peripheral, but Shauna beat her to it. She could be a bitch in Nat’s eyes; that was fine with her. “Better a bitch than a pushover.” Even to her own ears it sounded hollow.

Laura Lee and Lottie’s gazes felt heavy. Shauna glanced down to avoid them and finally shrugged out of Laura Lee’s hold, gently, as they reached the outskirts of town. She reached into her bag, pulling out the coins from earlier and handed them over to Van. 

“Get whatever you can. We’ll meet back up in front of the dungeon at dawn.”

“Shauna,” Laura Lee took a half step forward, “are you gonna be okay tonight?” 

Laura Lee—too kind, too caring, too worried. Shauna looked at the group over her shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Liar . “I was the one who left first.” Liar. She couldn’t leave someone who was a part of her. Who she was a part of. As much as she tried over the past four years, it only served to prove she and Jackie were one. They could never truly leave each other, unless— 

Shauna rubbed her hand on the leather armor over her heart, desperate to soothe the aching. She didn’t even see the disappointed looks on Lottie and Laura Lee’s faces as she left back toward the guild. She didn’t realize Tai had stayed behind with the group until she walked into the guild and was bombarded with questions about what had happened without her usual back up. 

A sharp glare paired with an “I’m not talking about this right now” sent the forming group back to what they had been doing. Shauna stormed into her and Tai’s small, attic room. She took off her sword belt and started to remove her armor. It was difficult with only one free hand—her other refused to put Jackie’s staff down. Her brain couldn’t even think to give the command. The only place the staff went was to Shauna’s other hand when she had to shrug out of her sleeve. 

When she was finally down to just her underclothes, Shauna sat down on her uncomfortable, single bed stuffed with straw, and laid the staff across her lap. Running her hand gently along the cherry wood, Shauna took a deep breath. 

Jackie had always been so excited to make her staff—she had been planning it for years. Cherry wood with poppies at the head. She had planned Shauna’s too. Willow with poppies, so they could match. Shauna never finished hers. She hovered over the poppies for a moment, then gently pinched a petal between her fingers. 

Shauna urged her mana into the dying flowers desperately, hoping she wasn’t too rusty. Thankfully, the poppies slowly began to bloom once more, unfurling back up from their wilted state. The sudden use of magic while being so out of practice exhausted her. She had not been upholding the best mana routines for the past four years, and small, intricate displays like this had always been harder for her than fire or explosions. Creating and nourishing life was always much harder than destroying it. Destruction was easy—it’s why so many people feared it. 

Her remaining, dwindling energy rightfully sapped from her, she laid down on her bed. Shauna placed Jackie’s staff next to her, the head of the staff gently resting on the pillow. A surrogate. She ran her hand along the staff once more, feeling each and every dip, knot, valley, and crevice with her fingertips, before letting it stop and rest against the wood. 

Shauna wondered if Jackie had felt it every time she had died in the dungeon before. She had never been gone long, never long enough to rot or decompose or even grow cold. Just long enough to come to on the other side. 

It was after her first death in the dungeon that she had realized it. 

Her soul was untethered from her body, but kept from passing on because of the magic of the dungeon. That was all something she expected, something she knew, something she researched. Death was inevitable in the dungeon, but so was the chance for revival. 

What she didn’t expect was the tether. The tether was not to her body, or to the dungeon. It extended far beyond her and the walls around her. She could not see where it led or what it attached to. She didn’t need to. She knew. Immediately, she knew—she could feel the familiar warmth, hear the carefree laugh, see her wide, devastated eyes. 

Suddenly thrust back into her body as she was revived, the sight of the tether disappeared, but Shauna could feel it between each beat of her heart. 

Shauna wondered if Jackie could see the same tether now. If she knew what it meant, where it led to—who it led to. 

She took another deep breath, the scent of the poppies calming her, lulling her to sleep. 

Shauna dreamt of a warm, familiar body that smelled of poppies lying next to her, a hand clutching the fabric above her heart in a vice grip. 

Chapter Text

A chilling breeze danced across her shoulders tugging her from restful sleep. Her blankets had been stolen. Again. 

“Jackie…”Shauna mumbled into her pillow and reached out—hand finding her covers and pulling them back toward her. A mass rolled within them, barely resistant to her tug. “You’re hogging the blanket.” 

Shauna pouted and tugged again, gaining some strength, and finally pulled the blanket free. In the process, the small, slightly shivering six year old body of Jackie rolled against her. 

“S’cold.” Jackie always ran cold, and she always stole the blankets. Shauna had even kicked her out of the bed before and made her sleep with her mom when Jackie made a particularly egregious sleep offense. Though, those nights usually ended with Shauna crawling into bed with them too. Her small, single bed was too large for just her. 

“I know, so stop stealing my blanket.” Shauna said petulantly, even as she threw it back around the both of them. Jackie let out a content hum. Her fingers fisted into Shauna’s sleep shirt instead of the blanket. Shauna closed her eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

———————

“Shauna….pssst—Shauna, scoot over.” There was a gentle nudge at her shoulder, and the bed dipped slightly next to her. Shauna groaned. “Come on, just a little. I want to have a sleepover.”

Shauna huffed and shuffled over to the side. “Your bed is three feet away.”

Jackie slotted in against her, pillowing her head against Shauna’s shoulder. Her arm was thrown across Shauna’s stomach, and one of her legs hooked across Shauna’s waist just so they could both fit. “Too far.” Jackie mumbled into her shoulder and nuzzled her head further into her neck. 

Jackie still insisted on sleeping in the same bed at least twice a week, even though they were fifteen. Sometimes the other students would give them weird looks in the mornings when they got up—never Lottie and Laura Lee—but Shauna felt the gazes heavily. No one ever said anything about it to her, though Shauna was sure they probably talked behind their backs. Jackie never seemed to be concerned about it or even aware of it at all. 

All of this worry was something to be done in the waking hours though, so Shauna let herself sink into the comfort of Jackie holding her. 

—————

“Shauna…” A gentle, fleeting touch ran across her forehead, moving her hair out of her face. 

“Hm…” Shauna blearily opened her eyes, heavy with sleep and exhaustion. Jackie lied in front of her, inches from her face, sharing the same pillow. That was nothing new, but…this Jackie was. 

Shauna had extensive knowledge on many topics, but she considered herself to be the utmost expert in Jackie Taylor. She knew every inch of Jackie, down to every mole, blemish, and freckle, so she would definitely recognize the little scar on the underside of her chin if she had seen it before.

“Hey, you were mumbling in your sleep.” Jackie murmured, her voice even more gravelly in her freshly woken state. She was still Jackie—still beautiful and caring and overbearing, but she looked more mature. A bit more worn down and tired.

Her hair was longer too.

“Yeah, it’s been a few years. That’ll happen, Shippy.” Jackie chuckled. Oh, Shauna must have spoken out loud. Then it clicked for her. That was right…

“I left.” The fingers running through her hair that Shauna hadn’t even registered until that moment, stopped. Jackie looked pained. 

Her mouth stretched into a thin, closed smile. “That’s all in the past now.” 

Shauna shook her head. “But I left you.” 

The fingers in Shauna’s hair resumed. “Not really…you never could.” Jackie’s hand ran through Shauna’s hair, but stopped to cup her cheek. She leaned into the hand with a shuddering breath, eyes closing. 

“Not like how I’ll leave you.” Shauna froze. “But you already know that, don’t you, Shauna?” 

Shauna opened her eyes again. Jackie was gaunt—pale. “I—I don’t—“

“People can only be resurrected if there’s enough of a body left to resurrect, and right now I’m being slowly, and agonizingly digested.” Jackie grinned and blood leaked from her smile. She stroked Shauna’s cheek. 

“Do you think I was still conscious when I reached its stomach? Do you think I could feel the acid burning and eating away at my skin?” As she spoke, her skin turned red and started to bubble, blisters and pus eroding her away. Pieces of her skin started to peel off onto the bed between them, viscera dripping onto the sheets as Jackie leaned forward. 

“Do you think my last thoughts were that you left me alone again?” Jackie whispered directly into Shauna’s ear as a piece of her face slid off and splattered into Shauna’s cheek. 

———————

Shauna jolted awake and practically punched herself in the face with how aggressively she moved to wipe at her cheek, breath ragged.

“What?!” Shauna heard Tai jump out of bed and grab her axe, startled. She wiped at her cheek again, before pulling away to look at her hand. She expected blood and pus and skin, but found only her own callouses. A long, shaky exhale left her as she looked up at Tai.

Tai’s shoulders relaxed at the apparent lack of danger, and the axe she had been holding at the ready fell to her side. She leaned it against her bed and sat at the edge, facing Shauna. “Okay, that’s it. Talk.” 

Shauna sat up in bed, using her hands to push herself up shakily. Her fingers landed on wood, and she suddenly remembered Jackie’s staff. Picking it up, she swung her legs off the bed to mirror Tai’s sitting position, and rested it across her lap. The poppies seemed a little wilted still, but they looked better than they had. Shauna would have to keep pouring magic into the staff occasionally to keep them alive. 

“Poppies are Jackie’s favorite flower.” She hadn’t meant to say that. 

“…Shauna you have to give me more than that.” Shauna glanced up at Tai and all she saw was exasperation.

“What do you want to know?” 

“Who are these people? Who are you ?” Shauna looked directly into Tai’s eyes, calculating, but all Shauna saw was intrigue and concern.

“I know as much about Nat, Van, and that Travis guy as you do—the first time I saw them was a few days ago…” She looked back down at the staff. “Lottie and Laura Lee used to go to the magic academy with me…and Jackie.” Shauna swallowed around the lump in her throat. 

“Wait, you went to a magic academy? Why have you never told me? There were so many times where we could have used magic and you didn’t think to—“ 

“I don’t owe anything to anyone but myself,” Shauna interrupted sharply, “I joined a group of mercenaries so no one would ask. I’ve never expected you to tell me anything about yourself.” She gripped the staff. 

“Sure, but I thought we were friends.” Tai was doing a good job of sounding like she wasn’t hurt. Shauna softened and met her gaze again. 

“We are…it just wasn’t something I wanted to talk about. I wanted to completely move on from that time of my life—I wanted to be…independent.” Tai nodded like she understood, but Shauna knew she could never. 

“So they’re just your old classmates?” Shauna nodded, hesitant. It somehow felt wrong to label Lottie and Laura Lee as just old classmates. They had lived together and seen each other every single day for a decade. Calling them classmates felt reductive, but Shauna couldn’t bring herself to call them anything else at the moment. She didn’t deserve anything more than that. 

“And Jackie, she was that childhood friend you mentioned a couple times, right?” Shauna nodded. 

The few times she had spoken about Jackie with Tai, she had only mentioned the old stories. Stories before resentment had started to grow, and she made sure to never mention the magic academy. To Tai, Jackie had just been an old childhood friend that Shauna had naturally grown apart from. 

Shauna expected more questions, expected to be called out for her lies and omissions, but Tai just appraised her. They sat silently for a few moments just looking at each other, before Tai sighed. “Come on, we have to start getting ready to meet them at the dungeon.” 

Tai stood with a stretch and started getting dressed. “We aren’t finished here, by the way.” Shauna let out a relieved breath that the conversation was done for now, and quickly got up to get ready. She laid the staff gently back in her bed while she got dressed, practically tucking it in. 

Twenty minutes later, she and Tai stood outside of the entrance to the dungeon. Shauna had Jackie’s staff strapped against her back, so she could keep it with her while it stayed out of the way. Every time the breeze picked up, the scent of poppies wafted around her. 

They didn’t have to wait for long. Laura Lee turned the corner with a basket in arm and waved at them when she spotted them. The rest of the group followed behind less enthusiastically, but Shauna couldn’t help but lift a hand in greeting in return. Laura Lee was difficult not to indulge when everything she did tended to come from a good place. 

Luckily, this early there weren’t many other groups out and about so they weren’t blocking foot traffic when the group met up in front of the dungeon entrance. 

“Good morning!” Laura Lee extended the basket out toward Tai and Shauna. “I picked up a few pastries if either of you wanted some. I got your favorite, Shauna.” 

Shauna peered into the basket, and—sure enough—her favorite chocolate filled croissant in town rested there. Shauna picked it up and took a bite, ignoring Tai’s incredulous look—she usually only ever ate this early if she was forced to. Tai took a pastry too, but Shauna was too busy savoring her own to see which one. 

“You remembered?” 

Laura Lee shot her an almost affronted look. “Of course, it’s the same as Jackie’s.” 

Shauna paused mid bite. That wasn’t true. Jackie’s favorite pastry was a cherry danish. It had been since they were five. Sure, she had liked chocolate croissants, but she only ever ate them if Shauna got one. Then, she would steal an end and pop it in her mouth before Shauna could even think to protest the acquisition of her food. 

Shauna chose not to say anything, taking another bite of the pastry instead. 

She surveyed the rest of the group, taking stock. Lottie looked tired, but ready. As long as she had her staff, she pretty much had everything she needed. Her magic was particularly suited to The Wilderness, the wild magic of the dungeon seemed to converse with her own. 

Nat shifted on her feet, never really standing still. She was constantly surveying the area around them, too, always on alert. Her new armor could barely be called that—it was light and made for ease of movement more than anything. There were two pouches on her belt, as well as a sheathed dagger. Her arms were crossed in nonchalance, but Shauna could tell it was forced, could see the tense anxiety that was just underneath. 

Reaching forward, Van plucked a pastry from the basket—a cream puff—and ate it in a single bite. Their armor was rudimentary at best, but at the very least it was a full set. Surprisingly, they came to stand next to Tai, rounding out the group instead of making the two groups face off. Their arms brushed, but Tai didn’t shift away as she usually would with a stranger. Shauna glanced between the two of them as she finished the last bit of the croissant. Interesting . 

She wiped the leftover crumbs off on her thigh. “Thank you.” Laura Lee smiled and nodded. “Everyone ready?” 

“Like you’d even stop if we weren’t.” Nat rolled her eyes. She was right. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” With that, Shauna led them down into the first level of the dungeon. 

Years ago, it might have been intimidating entering The Wilderness. As a somewhat newly discovered dungeon shrouded in mystery, people should have had some hesitancy. And they did—back when it first opened. 

When an emaciated man dragged himself from a tree stump, warning of the dangers inside, but promising the spoils to the one who could defeat the ruler of the dungeon down below. He died promptly after his proclamation, right as he touched the outside ground. Adventurers were wary of a new, undiscovered dungeon, but that wariness was quickly overshadowed by opportunity. Where dungeons were, commerce followed. 

Thousands of adventurers, guild members, and businesses flocked to the new dungeon, setting up shop. Over the years, so many people had entered the dungeon that the first level itself became a small town. A hub for those delving into the dungeon, and a sanctuary for some who were no longer wanted or allowed above ground. 

There was little danger on the first level of the dungeon for experienced adventurers, unless you had a run in with an upcharging businessman or a past party member with a grudge. With the adventurer population so vast on this level, very few monsters walked the halls. 

Shauna led them through the hub of the first level—businesses and stalls just getting ready for the day. She was making a beeline for the stairs that led to the second level, but paused when she passed an innocuous looking door. 

“Did you forget something?” Nat said a tinge mockingly.

“I just realized we didn’t check something.” Shauna walked up to the door and banged on it with her fist. 

“Just…don’t break any faces—these guys hold grudges.” Tai stood behind Shauna, resigned. 

“What are you—?” Laura Lee started to ask, but Van was the one who answered.

“Corpse retrievers.” Corpse retrievers were people who made their living off of following large groups down through the dungeon, resurrecting them after they’ve died, and forcing them to pay exorbitant fees. Shauna had even heard rumors of some corpse retrievers following inexperienced groups and killing them themselves, just to charge them for resurrection. 

The door swung open to a disgruntled, battleworn looking man. “What?” 

“Have you or anyone you know resurrected a young woman in the past day down on level 5?”

“Come back at a reasonable hour.” The man grunted and slammed the door. However, before it could shut, Shauna kicked it in, knocking it into the man, causing him to stumble back as she moved forward. 

He was still catching his breath from the door knocking the wind out of him when Shauna snagged his collar and tugged him close. 

“Answer the question.” Shauna spoke between her teeth.The man laughed.

“Questions cost ya.” Shauna slipped a knife from her belt and pressed it to the man’s stomach, the tip cutting into his skin.

“How much do you think your life is worth?” Shauna murmured, contemplative. “I guarantee hers is worth more.” She tightened her grip on the knife, pushing just a little bit more, making the man hiss in pain. His laughter had stopped, replaced by fear that he tried to hide, but Shauna could see it in his eyes. Funny that someone in his profession would be scared to die. 

“No, none of us have been to the fifth level this month.” His voice was purposefully even. Shauna watched his eyes, looking for a lie, but found none. She retracted the knife, wiped the blood from it, and sheathed it all in one go, turning on her heel. 

“Pleasure doing business.” Shauna walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. 

“One of these days those guys are going to kill you.” Tai said matter-of-fact. Shauna shrugged.

“They can try…Let’s keep moving.” Shauna moved through the group, ignoring the look of sadness on Laura Lee’s face. 

Van, however, looked impressed. “Those guys are always such a pain in the ass to deal with.” 

“I don’t know if directly antagonizing them was the best course of action though, Shauna.” Laura Lee glanced back at the door nervously. 

“Things are different here, Laura Lee. You do what you have to.”

“And what about what that does to you?” 

Shauna didn’t have an answer for her. 

“Well, we now know for certain that she hasn’t been resurrected. I checked with the clergy this morning before we met up.” Lottie eased the building tension of the conversation, resting a hand against the small of Laura Lee’s back.

The group moved silently for a while after that. Shauna took point while the others shuffled their positions throughout the day. They had almost made it to the stairs descending to the second level when Van called them to stop. 

“If we don’t eat soon I’m gonna get unpleasant.” 

“You can be pleasant?” Nat snidely remarked and Van elbowed her in the side. Hissing in pain, Nat rubbed her side and looked at Lottie. 

“Okay, Ms. ‘It will provide for us’, please procure us food.” Nat waved her hand ceremoniously about the empty hall.

Lottie rolled her eyes and looked around. It was always slim picking on the first level in terms of monsters. The most common two being slimes and walking mushrooms—neither were large or particularly appetizing. Shauna glanced at the ceiling—no slimes. 

“If you can wait another hour, we should make it to the second level. There will be more options—“

“Gotcha!” The exclamation interrupted Shauna, making the group turn. They watched as a walking mushroom was tackled to the ground by a curly haired blonde woman. She swiftly brought up a hand axe and chopped the cap of the mushroom off—efficiently killing the monster.

Hopping up off of the ground, she dusted off her hands and pushed her glasses back up her nose. “Did I hear you all were looking for lunch?” She looked at the group with an almost unsettlingly large grin. 

After much back and forth of what they should do, they agreed to have lunch at Lottie’s insistence. 

“I told you it would provide.” 

“This hardly counts, Lott.” Nat rolled her eyes. Lottie tilted her head slightly as she regarded the other woman. 

“You’ll understand soon.” 

Shauna, who of course had been against stopping, sat against the wall of the dungeon in a huff. She had pulled Jackie’s staff off of her back and into her lap again. She watched the group as she fed the staff some of her mana. 

Lottie had started making a fire as she and Nat continued their playful bantering. Shauna wondered how long they had known each other—they seemed comfortable. While Lottie was a kind person, she tended to be a little standoffish when first meeting others. Not nearly to the extent that Shauna could be, or rather just in a different way. 

Tai and Van were sitting next to each other, speaking in low tones that Shauna couldn’t pick up from across the way. Their heads were angled together, close, familiar. Shauna hummed in thought. Maybe Shauna didn’t know just as much as Tai did about Van. 

Finally, Shauna shifted her attention to Laura Lee and the newcomer, Misty. 

“I’ve actually been living in the dungeon for a while now—it’s amazing how self-sustaining it is! I was actually just coming up here for a few extra supplies when I heard your group talking and I thought— ‘Well, Misty, there’s nothing better than some nice hospitality to go with lunch’. And I make a wonderful mushroom soup, so as soon as I saw that walking mushroom I knew exactly what to do!” 

“We can’t thank you enough,” Laura Lee smiled. She really did have an absurd amount of patience. 

“What are you all doing down here? Looking to defeat the ruler of the dungeon ?” Misty deepened her voice for drama and emphasis. 

“Actually, one of our friends got, well, eaten by an awful monstrous deer creature on the fifth floor.” Laura Lee had whispered ‘eaten’, but Shauna heard the word as if it was shouted directly into her eardrum. 

More startlingly, was how Misty just froze at the information, smile still stuck there on her face. She blinked and the smile dropped from her face, replaced by an almost exaggerated frown. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Shauna thought she sounded rather excited. Standing up, Shauna placed Jackie’s staff back in the strap against her back. She walked over to the two standing over the walking mushroom, unsheathing her knife. “I can handle the mushroom.” 

“Oh, you really don’t have to! It can be kind of a complicated process, and I—“ 

Shauna knelt down, not even listening to Misty, and started to butcher the walking mushroom. She had read book after book about monster anatomy, anything she could get her hands on. The knife traveled confidently around the mushroom, slicing it in half vertically and chopping off the two mushroom feet. 

She didn’t register that it had fallen quiet around the fire, too absorbed in her current task. She slipped the knife into the third layer of the mushroom and began to peel. The first three layers of walking mushrooms contained mycete spores, which, when ingested turned adventurers into mindless zombies, so Shauna assumed those layers were unsafe to eat. 

Discarding the layers off to the side, Shauna got into the meat of the mushroom, efficiently chopping up what remained and placing it in a pile off to the side of the stone slab they were using as a cutting board. She poured some water from her water skin on the blade and wiped it clean with a cloth before sheathing it once more.

She stood to go back to her spot near the fire and saw all eyes on her. “What? It’s basic anatomy.” 

“You’re fucking weird, Shauna.” Nat sounded delighted by this fact. 

Misty pointed to the discard pile. “What about all that? It’s going to go to waste.” 

Turning toward her, Shauna gave her a long look. Of course, she didn’t trust her in the first place. She only trusted one person completely, and Tai, Laura Lee, and Lottie she trusted mostly. Nat and Van had earned a bit of trust by sticking around after what had happened, but Shauna did not trust easily. Misty had none of that good faith to stand on.

“You’ve been living down here a while, you said?” Shauna spoke directly to Misty for the first time. The other woman nodded, the smile still on her face. 

“I actually live a few floors down, but I have to come up to this floor about once a month to restock on supplies.” Shauna could tell that Misty was ramping up to a story, and she wanted to nip that right in the bud.

“So you should probably know that the first three layers of a walking mushroom contain toxic spores.” Shauna rested her hand on the pommel of her sword. Slowly, the rest of the group caught up to what Shauna was insinuating, all straightening and watching Misty cautiously. 

Misty’s eyes frantically bounced around the group. “It wouldn’t kill you! When cooked and ingested it can just…make you a little high.” 

“So we’re the so-called supply run.” Nat narrowed her eyes.

“I’ve gotta say, you picked a bad bunch. We have nothing but the clothes on our backs…oh, and our weapons.” Van drew their halberd and just held it, posing an intimidating figure. 

At the threat of violence, Misty’s facade seemed to drop entirely. She threw up her hands placatingly.

“Listen, you’re looking to get to the fifth floor, right? To save your friend? I can take you there.” 

“We know how to get there.” Shauna drew her blade. 

“I know shortcuts! Time is of the essence, right?” Misty laughed nervously. Shauna paused, and Misty latched onto that with everything she had. “I could save you days of travel time to be quite honest, and I know the quickest ways to handle all of the common monsters on the next three floors. Plus! If we’re working together it’s a win for me too!” The smile was back. 

“I think we’ll need all the help we can get, Shauna.” She hadn’t heard Lottie’s approach, too focused on Misty, until she felt her hand against her forearm, gently pushing the weapon to the ground. Shauna was already inclined to agree, but having Lottie literally force her hand kept up a nice appearance. It made it apparent that Shauna had no trust for Misty—which she didn’t—and less likely that Misty would try to pull something while she was around.

Reluctantly, Shauna sheathed her sword. “Fine, but I’ll handle the meal preparation from now on.” 

“Absolutely—Though if you ever need pointers, let me know!” Misty took the prepared pieces of the mushroom and walked them over to the fire. She felt confident in the rest of the group’s abilities to watch her like a hawk—Tai especially, so she turned to Lottie. 

“Lottie, can you do something about the scraps? Just in case.” 

The mage didn’t even answer, she just knelt down and scooped the discarded pieces of the mushroom up. As soon as the pieces of mushrooms rested in the cradle of her hands, she mumbled something under her breath, and they started to decompose. Then, in a very unceremonious juxtaposition, she tossed the detritus into the growing fire. 

“Why didn’t you just toss them in there in the first place?” 

Lottie looked up at Nat. “Did you want an explosion of spores in your face? Because that’s how you get an explosion of spores in your face.” Nat crossed her arms.

“Noted.” 

Misty handled the actual cooking of the food with intense supervision. Tai and Van watched over either shoulder the entire time she was cooking, making sure she didn’t add anything to the soup that wasn’t unrecognizable by anyone. Misty, it seemed, was choosing to blissfully ignore the distrust, humming as she cooked. 

She started up conversation with Laura Lee again, who indulged her, but far more hesitantantly this time. 

Fifteen minutes later, a rudimentary mushroom soup was served for lunch. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but it was hearty and filling. Shauna sat next to Tai as they ate. 

“So,” Shauna ate another spoonful, chewing the mushroom, though it had turned out more tender then she thought it would, “Van?” 

Tai practically flung her spoon at Shauna. A bit of broth splashing onto her armor. “I don’t want to hear a single word from you .” 

Rolling her eyes, Shauna ate another bite. So they definitely had a past…or maybe a present. 

Once everyone finished their lunch, the group packed all their supplies back up, ready to head down to the second level. They moved toward the main staircase when Misty called out. 

“Wait! If we go this way,” she pointed down a hall to the right, “there’s a passage that will take us past the path with carnivorous plants and mandrakes.” 

The group gave a collective glance around before following Misty. Nat took point with Misty, her eyes constantly scanning the path ahead. Shauna was wary too—she had never gone this way before. Working as a mercenary and then in a guild, she didn’t often stray from the known path. She did exactly what she was paid to do and that was it. 

Misty came to a sudden stop in front of a wall. “We’re here!” She motioned to the wall and went to press one of the bricks, but Nat grabbed her wrist.

“I’m going to take a look first.” 

Misty rolled her eyes. “I just came from here, and why would I lead you all to a trap when I’m in the front?”

“I’m still going to look first.” Nat approached the wall and gently ran her hands against it. She placed her ear against the stone and tapped at various places with the pommel of her dagger. 

After a solid five minutes she gave a nod and pressed her hand against a random piece of stone. The stone depressed into the wall. The sound of grinding stone filled the hall as the passageway opened, the hidden door pressing inward and then sliding off to the side. 

The hall behind was lit with torches and seemed like it was pretty frequently traversed. Probably by Misty. 

“I told you.” Misty entered the passageway, motioning everyone to follow. The group did. 

The walk was long and quiet, even Misty didn’t speak. There was something about the passageway, whether it was its narrowness or the dim lighting, that fostered silence. As if speaking too loud would break some tenuous peace with the dungeon and the walls would start to close in around them. 

Finally, after what must have been multiple hours, they came to another wall. Misty glanced at Nat who just rolled her eyes and motioned Misty forward. Misty bounced on her toes at the minuscule sign of trust and pressed at the stone, opening the passageway into the second level. 

Shauna glanced around as she exited the passage. They appeared to be in one of the many tall towers of the second level of the dungeon. She walked around the circular chamber they had exited into, toward a window. Peering out, she saw the usual towering, large trees of the second level, interspersed with equally as tall towers. They were interconnected with weaving and winding rope bridges and wooden platforms. 

Looking down, there was no view of the ground. Even Shauna had no idea what kind of monsters lurked below.

That was actually one of the most amazing things about the dungeon—space. It was something that fascinated Shauna, how on level two there were unimaginably tall trees, but to get to level three of the dungeon it was just a single staircase. Three-hundred and fifty-seven steps. Shauna had counted. 

They were actually pretty close to the staircase to the third level if Shauna had her bearings right. She begrudgingly admitted to herself that Misty was actually being quite helpful. Not that she would ever say that aloud, though. 

“Let’s set up camp here for the night.” Shauna turned to address the group and was met by a bunch of surprised faces and an ever excited, nodding Misty. “What?” 

“We just thought we’d have to force you to stop and sleep.” Tai spoke plainly, already shrugging off her pack. Laura Lee nodded in agreement. 

“I’ve spent the last two hours thinking of ways to get you to stop.” 

“Well, we made good time today. And it just gets more dangerous from here on out. You were right. I can’t save her if I die from being stubborn and reckless.” Shauna glanced off to the side, crossing her arms protectively in front of herself. 

She knew she was stubborn, and she knew she was being reckless yesterday. She couldn’t really help it—those things were instinctual when it came to Jackie. She had known for years that Jackie made her lose most of her common sense. It was part of the reason why she left. 

She’s had a day to calm down and think, and she knew that they couldn’t just run head first into this situation. They needed to stay as strong and healthy as possible to even have a chance against that creature. She would sleep and eat as necessary because doing so was the best thing she could do to save Jackie until they actually made it to the fifth level. 

“I’ll go hunting.” Nat said as she pulled out and assembled a hand crossbow. Shauna had no idea where she stored that. 

“There’s plenty of giant bats around! They’re probably your best bet.” Misty chimed in. 

“I’ll tag along.” Lottie joined Nat at the open door of the tower. 

The two set off to search for dinner while everyone else set up camp. 

Shauna was rolling out her bedroll when she heard Van curse. 

“Shit, Nat has the tinderbox. Laura Lee can you give us a light? Get the fire going?”

“Oh, that’s not really my—“ 

Shauna sighed, murmured under her breath, and snapped her fingers in the direction of the unlit fire. A spark ignited from the snap and sped through the air, hitting the kindling and setting the sticks and kindling ablaze. 

“Laura Lee doesn’t do well with evocation—especially fire.” 

“And I’m assuming you do?” Van questioned. 

“Thank you, Shauna.” Laura Lee smiled. Shauna shrugged and finished setting up her bed. 

“Wow! I did not expect you to be a mage, especially with your whole,” Misty motioned to Shauna’s entire person, “look.” 

“I’m not.” Shauna grumbled as she placed Jackie’s staff on her bedroll, putting her pack off to the side. 

“Has she always been this good of a conversationalist?” Tai teasingly asked Laura Lee, who brightened at the question. She opened her mouth and paused, glancing at Shauna who just rolled her eyes fondly and gave a small nod. Shauna sat down on her bedroll next to Jackie’s staff. 

“She’s always been a little gruff. It was pretty cute when we were kids. She’s just protective.” Shauna wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her chin on them, fighting a blush from being talked about while in the room. 

“Protective of who?” Misty questioned—the only person who hadn’t witnessed her complete breakdown over failing to protect Jackie. Shauna clenched her fists as Laura Lee hummed in thought. 

“Herself.” Laura Lee met Shauna’s gaze. She could only hold it for a few seconds before Shauna had to look away. 

“Laura Lee once set her hair and teddy bear on fire.” Shauna let out, desperate for the attention to turn somewhere else. Van guffawed at the sudden shift in topic. Laura Lee gasped. 

“Shauna, you know Leonard is a sore topic!” 

“Wait, you named your teddy bear, Leonard?” Van threw their head back with a laugh. 

“It’s a distinguished name!” 

“Yeah, for a middle aged man.” 

Shauna couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto her face. She had missed this—teasing Laura Lee, laughing with friends. Of course, she and Tai talked and laughed, but there was always something there between them. A boundary that she put up, that she enforced. A boundary that simply wasn’t there for Laura Lee—it had only developed in the aftermath. The thought brought a sudden pang to her heart, the absence could not be unnoticed. 

“What are you all laughing at?” Nat asked between gritted teeth as she and Lottie carried a giant bat between the two of them. They dropped it with a dull thud and a sickening crunch of a breaking bone, and Nat let out a breath of relief. 

“Leonard!” Van called out to Nat’s confusion. Lottie immediately understood and gave Shauna a look as Shauna got up to prepare the meat. Shauna shrugged sheepishly—she had just blurted it out without thinking. Hopefully Laura Lee wasn’t actually upset about it, otherwise she’d have a very angry Lottie to deal with later. 

Kneeling next to the giant bat, Shauna got her knife and started the process of bleeding and skinning it. She was happy to tune out the conversation around the fire for a bit. 

“Shauna once blew up our entire bedroom.” 

Her head snapped right back up at Lottie’s sentence, her jaw dropped open. Two days and they were back to never letting her live that down. “I did not blow up our entire bedroom.” Shauna spoke between the effort of tugging skin off of a bat. 

“Fine. Half of our bedroom.” Lottie amended. Shauna, frankly, had no argument against that. 

“That must be when you lost your eyebrows.” Tai sounded amused. Shauna just grunted in response. She finished skinning the bat, leaving the hide off to the side, and started to actually butcher it to the best of her abilities. 

“How do you manage to blow up half of a room?” Nat asked, incredulous. 

Shauna didn’t answer, too busy with cutting up the giant bat, so Lottie responded for her. 

“We were eleven. She and Jackie got into an argument; Jackie kept stealing Shauna’s favorite cloak instead of wearing her own. That would’ve been fine, she did it all the time, but this time Jackie accidentally spilled some ink on it in class.” 

Shauna listened in to the story as if they weren’t events she lived and continued to butcher the bat, carving meat away from the bone. 

“When we got back to our room they immediately started arguing. Laura Lee and I stayed out of it. Even back then, getting in between a Jackie and Shauna argument was impossible.”  

Shauna paused, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. That had been one of their worst fights. They bickered constantly, but Shauna could count on one hand the number of times they had screamed at each other. She remembered it vividly.

“Why can’t you just wear your own clothes!?”

“I said I was sorry, Shauna!” 

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Jackie—you ruined it!” 

“It’s just a piece of clothing, Shauna.” 

“You know that my mom sent that to me. I know you know that, but you constantly steal it! I never get to wear it, and now it’s ruined!” Tears pooled in Shauna’s eyes. “Why can’t I ever just have one thing for myself!?” 

“It got ugly.” Was all Lottie said of the matter, and Shauna was grateful for that. “Shauna had so much built up emotion, that when she clenched her fist and stomped her foot, she accidentally cast a spell directly at her feet. The explosion sent her and Jackie flying, though she took the brunt of it. It effectively ended the argument, though.”

Shauna stomped her foot for emphasis, focusing all of her anger and frustration into the stomp, just wishing to blow it all away. She got her wish.

 An explosion burst from the floor and threw her across the room. Her body erupted into pain. She crashed into something and fell to the floor before being pummeled by objects falling onto her—the bookcase. The sounds of concerned exclamations seemed far away, and Shauna could smell something burning. 

“…na!” She could faintly hear someone speaking past the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.

“…auna!” Someone was approaching her, scrambling towards her. 

Hands finally landed on her shoulder, sending a shockwave of pain through her body. She hissed, seething in pain, and the hands disappeared for just a moment. They returned to gently cradle her head, lifting it, and placing it back down on a lap. The hands then started to smooth down her hair, practically petting her, but it was soothing. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Shauna. I’m right here. You have me. We’ll get through this together.” It clicked immediately. The hands and lap were Jackie. Of course they were. “Lottie and Laura Lee went to get help. You’re gonna be okay.” 

Shauna brought her hand up to Jackie’s thigh and squeezed. 

“Lottie and I went to go get one of the professors for help, and by the time we got back they were holding each other, crying.” Laura Lee smiled softly, but her gaze was downturned. “Luckily, Shauna was able to be healed, and Jackie’s injuries were superficial enough to heal on their own. Unfortunately, hair doesn’t grow back with magical healing, so Shauna had no eyebrows for a month. That’s also how she discovered that she was adept at evocation magic.”

Shauna furrowed her brow. “The eyebrows weren’t even that bad. The worst part was the itching. They never warn you that being magically healed across your whole body makes you itch like you have poison ivy for days .” Shauna finished butchering and brought the meat over to the fire. Misty grabbed it, still enraptured by the story, and prepared to cook. 

“The eyebrows were that bad. I had to go a month trying not to laugh every time we made eye contact.” Laura Lee jabbed Lottie in the thigh. She winced and rubbed at it. “Jackie and Laura Lee kept hitting me every time my lip even twitched—we were eleven ! Of course I was gonna laugh!” 

Shauna pouted and sat down next to Jackie’s staff. 

“I knew you were a hot head sometimes, but I didn’t know you were literally explosive.” Tai teased, leaning over to bump shoulders with Shauna. 

“It was just the one time.” Shauna rolled her eyes, slightly annoyed, but mostly just fond. The group laughed as the smell of cooking meat filled the tower. The brief levity of the moment soon fell flat for Shauna when she heard the empty space where Jackie’s laugh should be—where it would fit perfectly.

Van continued to jeer both her and Laura Lee, and additional stories were told by Van, Nat, and Tai over the course of dinner. Each offering up their own tale of failure or embarrassment. 

The meal was nothing to write home about, but it was sustaining. Misty even thought to cure the excess meat and make it into jerky over the next few days, as a way to preserve what they could. 

Everyone started to settle as the day began to wind down. They would try to get to the third level by the end of the next day, so they had another early morning ahead of them. They decided to rotate watches in pairs—mostly because they still didn’t trust Misty enough not to steal all of their things. 

Shauna offered to take the first watch, and Nat, surprisingly, offered to join her. Everyone else started to fall asleep, the beginning of the watch sprinkled with the sounds of shifting and settling. Shauna sat at the fire, pouring mana into Jackie’s staff as she had the night before. She was determined to keep the poppies alive—she had to. 

She could feel Nat’s eyes on her from across the fire, watching, but Shauna paid her no mind. She just continued her newly established ritual. 

“She doesn’t talk about you.” Nat’s words floated softly across the fire and punctured Shauna in the heart. “Not directly…not since I met her three years ago.” Shauna’s grip on the staff tightened. She knew that Jackie didn’t need her, knew that she would be able to move on. 

“When we met…she was a mess. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she had lost someone important to her. But I didn’t ask, and she didn’t offer. Lott and Laura Lee were also tight lipped—they didn’t want to betray her trust.” Shauna looked at Nat, who just sat there, slightly zoned out as she looked into the flames. 

“I didn’t realize until much later that you’re actually all she talks about. Every interaction she has is tinged with thoughts of you, and I didn’t fully put that together until she saw you in town the other day. For the first time since I’d known her, the melancholy was—it wasn’t gone , but there was something more behind it. Something driving.” 

Shauna’s eyes stung as she held back tears. She was afraid to take Nat’s word for it, afraid to hope that Jackie missed her just as much as she missed Jackie. Even after all the things she did and said.

“You better fucking fix it, Shauna,” Nat looked up from the fire and locked gazes with Shauna, the flames reflecting in her eyes. “When we get her back, you better fix whatever it was that happened between you two….for both of your sakes.” She softened slightly at the end of her sentence, and dropped her gaze back down to the fire. 

Shauna shut her eyes and clenched her jaw, willing the tear that rolled down her cheek to dry up. Shauna would willingly do whatever Jackie wanted for the rest of her life if it meant that they could get her back—an apology was nothing. She’d take all the blame. She could shoulder it. 

Turning her head toward the entrance of the tower, Shauna spent the rest of her watch staring out of the building, suddenly desperate for any enemy to appear. By the time Tai and Van woke for the next watch, sending Shauna to her bedroll to rest, there was no such enemy incursion.

The night passed peacefully. 

Chapter Text

Come morning, the group gathered up their things and left before the sun even rose. That was another strange thing—even though the sun was never visible on this level because they were quite literally underground—days still passed, nights still fell, and mornings still rose. Shauna chalked it up to be a result of the magic of the dungeon. Any ecosystem needed energy to survive, so the dungeon needed something equivalent to provide that energy. She assumed the day and night cycle lined up with the one for the world above, but she honestly couldn’t be certain. It was an interesting thought to consider in its own right. 

If time passed differently in the dungeon than it did on the surface, it wasn’t to a noticeable degree. Shauna had never spent days in the dungeon, just to resurface and discover fewer or more days had passed than she thought. Magic was a powerful thing though, and certainly the ruler of the dungeon could manipulate time within it if they were powerful enough. That type of magic was forbidden, but Shauna knew that wouldn’t stop someone with enough determination. 

A shoulder nudge brought Shauna from her thoughts. She looked over at Tai who eyed her warily, as if she was some kind of flight risk that needed to be accounted for. “Are you okay?” 

“I was just thinking.” Shauna looked up at the sky, steadily becoming a lighter blue. Shauna and Tai were trailing behind the rest of the group since the rest of the path to the third level was pretty safe. Once their previous party had run into a Basilisk here, but they had dispatched it and there hadn’t been any sightings in months. 

“Care to share?” 

Shauna shook her head. “It’s nothing important.” 

Tai didn’t push. Shauna couldn’t help but think how Jackie would have.

Of course, Tai pushed when necessary. She pushed when Shauna was being stupid or aggressive, but she didn’t push when Shauna was being quiet. Jackie always did. Jackie always wanted to know what Shauna was thinking about; she pushed and pushed until Shauna would tell her any little thing that was crossing her mind. 

Until Shauna started having some thoughts that she didn’t want to share, that she couldn’t, and so she pushed back. She doubled down. She refused. She left. And with no one left to push them out, she let those thoughts fester until they started to consume her. 

“Come on.” Tai patted Shauna on the shoulder and picked her pace back up to rejoin the others.

—————————————

The staircase down to the third floor spiraled into darkness. The entrance was unassuming, yet another open doorway to a tower—the only distinction was the set of antlers carved from the stone above the frame. 

“There’s another shortcut soon that will take us right to my camp—we can grab more supplies from there before continuing on.” Misty called excitedly over her shoulder as she led the way down the stairs. 

“You’re a little too eager about this.” Nat muttered, following after. 

Van leaned into Tai, whispering something in her ear, which made her laugh in surprise before shoving Van toward the stairs. Tai followed after her, throwing one glance back at Shauna who remained at the entrance with Lottie and Laura Lee. 

Lottie stood in front of the stairwell, staring up at the stone antlers, and Laura Lee just watched. 

On the surface they were an odd pair—Lottie was comparatively very reserved to Laura Lee’s bright personality. It had always been that way, ever since the first day Shauna had met them both. 

After Jackie had dragged Shauna in to claim their beds, and Shauna’s mom left them with a promise to write soon, Lottie had been led into the room by one of the professors—no parents in sight. She was tall for her age even back then, making her hair fall around her face as she looked at Jackie and Shauna across the room. 

There was always something vacant about her expression in those early days. Hollow. Missing. 

Jackie, of course, had no reservations and immediately ran up to introduce herself in all of her seven year old excitement. Shauna, of course, followed a few steps behind. 

“Hi! I’m Jackie—this is Shauna,” Jackie reached back to Shauna, grabbing her hand as she introduced her, “what’s your name?”

Lottie walked over to a bed on the other side of the room, placing her small bag with her belongings off to the side. “Lottie.” 

“I hope we can be friends.” Jackie smiled, swinging her and Shauna’s hands between them. Lottie hummed and nodded. 

Lottie had always been pretty tight-lipped about her past, even as they grew older. All Shauna knew was that her parents had been pretty wealthy, but then something had happened. They had both passed, and as an orphan with incredible magical power she was placed at the magic academy by the kingdom. 

“Oh!” Three heads turned toward the door where little Laura Lee stood, with her parents at her back, ushering her forward. “Hi.” She smiled and waved almost bashfully, but her eyes were wide, taking everything in. 

Her parents started speaking to the professor in the hall while she entered the room, claiming the last bed. She stared at her bag for a moment before she turned abruptly to face the three other girls. “I’m Laura Lee. I’ve never had any friends my age before, so…I really hope we get along!” 

Laura Lee, they eventually learned, had been raised by her parents at a small temple. There were no other children at the temple, so most of her ‘friends’ were older teens and adults. 

Jackie dragged Shauna forward. “We’ll be your friends—Shauna and I are the best at being friends.” 

Smiling, Laura Lee looked at Lottie, whose face betrayed none of her thoughts, but she didn’t step away from the little circle they had formed either.

“That settles it then,” Jackie nodded with absolution as Jackie tended to do, “From now on, we’re all friends.” 

Jackie and Laura Lee smiled wide, while Shauna and Lottie were much more subdued. Shauna’s smile was little more than a quirk of the lips, and Lottie just looked at them all, her mouth dropping open a bit in surprise. 

From that point on the four of them stuck together. Of course, Jackie and Shauna were always closer—impossible to get between, impossible to separate—but that fact just fostered Lottie and Laura Lee together. 

Laura Lee started to bring Lottie out of her shell; she became more expressive and outspoken the longer she stayed around the other three. Lottie, in turn, kept Laura Lee company in silence while she prayed. Jackie (and therefore, Shauna) had tried accompanying Laura Lee to the temple at the school to pray, but Jackie was too restless. She couldn’t stay still and quiet for long enough—her skill in spiritual magic did not stem from prayer and devotion the same way that it did for Laura Lee. 

In no time at all, Laura Lee and Lottie had become each other’s rocks, nearly as inseparable as Jackie and Shauna. They brought each other out of their shells and comfort zones, but they always met each other in the middle. Shauna had always been a little bit envious. 

Shauna blinked out of her reverie, looking up at the antlers that held Lottie’s gaze. 

“We should catch up.” Shauna spoke softly, but it still broke the moment. Lottie seemed to come back to herself and nodded quietly while Laura Lee, simply there for Lottie, smiled at Shauna.

The trio walked through the doorway, two by two as they always did. Shauna left the space to her right instinctually—even after four years she could never quite shake the behavior. 

They must have fallen behind for longer than they thought if how they were greeted was any indication. 

“You sure took your sweet time, huh?” Nat kicked off from the wall she had been leaning against.

“Tai was this close to sending a recovery squad.” Van pinched her fingers together. 

“I just thought I saw something, that’s all.” Lottie said softly. Shauna could tell she wasn’t fully present, still lost in her thoughts. 

“Must not be in that much of a hurry then.” Misty muttered loud enough that Shauna still heard it. The only thing that kept her from beating Misty to a pulp was Laura Lee’s hand instantly grabbing her elbow and Nat pushing Misty forward toward the hall. “Wait!” Misty dug in her heels and walked over underneath the staircase. 

She quickly pressed in a slightly discolored stone. A familiar grinding sound of moving stone echoed through the stairwell. The wall opened into a chamber that Misty motioned to. “This is the shortcut to my camp.” 

Shauna glanced between the two paths; Misty had been right about the last shortcut, and this one was much wider and more well lit than the last. Nat was already checking the entry to the shortcut for traps, and the rest of the group was gathered around there, so Shauna joined them. She’d have to make sure to remember these shortcuts for the future. 

Once Nat gave the go ahead, the group entered the chamber. Misty didn’t hesitate and immediately started to navigate through chambers and down halls. The group followed along, keeping an eye out for trouble. 

Van shivered, rubbing their hands along their arms. “It’s pretty cold down here.”

“I think it’s because we’re close to the fourth level, but I haven’t really been able to figure it out. It’s just usually cold around here.” Misty shrugged while looking over her shoulder to Van. 

“There’s a…very large, spiritual presence here.” Laura Lee looked around cautiously as they walked. Shauna really looked at her for the first time since they started down this path—her hands were clenched tensely around her staff. Her eyes flitted around the corridor. She was nervous, and—Shauna glanced at Lottie—Lottie was still preoccupied with her own mind. 

“Have you encountered spirits here before, Misty?” Shauna called up to the front of the group. Misty stopped. Stock still and tense for only a moment before her head tilted to the side. She turned on her heel.

“No. Not here at least!” Misty smiled and spun back around. Shauna narrowed her eyes. Something still didn’t sit right with her about Misty; she was hiding something. Though, Shauna supposed, so was she. 

They arrived at Misty’s encampment—if you could call it that—within the hour. It was a lean-to in the corner of an empty chamber, made with some scraps of wood and patchwork fabric, surrounded by some old supply boxes.  Three massive piles of dirt took up most of the space in the chamber, and appeared to be sowed with various crops. Misty gasped at the sight of them.

“I completely forgot! I was in the middle of a harvest when I left.” She quickly hurried over to the mounds of dirt and began to harvest the vegetables that had been growing, throwing the yield into a nearby barrel. 

Most of the group looked on dubiously, uncertain as to how she was able to plant and grow crops on this level of the dungeon, but Lottie stepped forward eagerly. It seemed she had put aside whatever had been on her mind, and she joined Misty in harvesting. Laura Lee slowly followed after, but the rest of the group just watched. 

“So what—did you just carry dirt here to grow things? Why not just live on a different level?” Nat questioned, confusion bleeding into the apathy of her tone. 

“You don’t see it yet?” Lottie looked up at Nat as she finished pulling the last carrot. Misty had switched gears; she started to follow behind Lottie and plant various seeds. 

“See what, Lott? All I’m seeing is some very standard dirt.” Nat was unimpressed, and Shauna was inclined to agree with her, even as Lottie shook her head. Shauna looked more closely at the piles of dirt, trying to see what Lottie saw, and thought about what she knew of level three. 

“Are you going to wake them now?” Lottie asked Misty. That’s when it all clicked for Shauna. 

“You’re kidding.” The words fell from Shauna’s lips as Misty hurried into her camp. She popped back out moments later holding three wooden carvings. 

Misty moved from dirt pile to dirt pile, planting the wooden carvings inside. “Come now, Caligula, Nero, Domitian—time to wake up!” Misty clapped her hands repeatedly, as if that would actually do anything.

Misty, Lottie, and Laura Lee hurriedly stepped off the to side as the dirt began to shift and take more solid form. Arms formed and lifted from the dirt, slowly pushing the three golems up into a seated position. 

“You’re farming in golems?” Tai asked, taken aback. Misty shrugged.

“They provide enough nutrients within their body for the crops to grow, plus it’s added security. We shouldn’t dawdle though–don’t want to be here when these three regain all of their motor skills.” Misty hurried over to the barrel of their harvest and started packing things in her rucksack.

Lottie made her way back over to the group, coming to a stop next to Nat. “I told you—it provides.” 

Nat just nodded hesitantly, wide eyed at the slowly moving and reforming golems. 

“Okay! Let’s move into a different chamber so we don’t disturb their regeneration, and then we can have some lunch.” Misty hiked the bag up over her shoulders and marched out of the room. The rest of the group, other than Lottie and Shauna, sort of dazedly followed after her. Lottie followed easily, and actually struck up a conversation with Misty, for once, about how she first started farming the golems.

Shauna lingered in the chamber, watching the golems struggling to pull themselves back together. Did they die every time Misty did this? Did they feel pain? Logically, Shauna thought: no, of course they didn’t. They were constructs. 

Still, she couldn’t help but think of what a torturous state to be in—to be constantly trying to pull yourself back together into a form with some resemblance of yourself. Then to be used for something else’s growth and protection, before being tossed aside and having to start all over again. She wondered if they looked completely different to how they started. She wondered if it itched . 

Shauna could hear the fading footsteps of the group, so with one last glance across the dirt creatures, struggling to stand, she turned and left the chamber, catching up with the party. When she rejoined the group she received a few looks from Tai, Van, and Laura Lee. No one said anything to her though, so she didn’t offer anything. 

Lunch was a quick and easy affair; they prepared some vegetables to have with the cured, giant bat meat. Shauna continued to feed some of her mana into Jackie’s staff. It had become soothing to her in all honesty. She hadn’t actively and frequently used her mana in years, and it felt nice. Like stretching out a muscle or breaking a dam. 

Her mana had been a trickling stream for the past four years, blocked by her own hand, but the flow was becoming steady once more. It circled inside her, and there was relief when it finally left her, finding purpose within the staff after being built up, collected, and withheld for so long. The poppies grew and blossomed, spreading further down the staff, curling around Shauna’s fingers. Greeting her, thanking her, holding her. 

She ate lunch single-handedly—she didn’t want to disturb the near bouquet that had formed around her left hand just yet. Conversation between everyone was minimal and the topics were light; no one wanted to disturb the small bubble of a mealtime peace. 

It didn’t last very long, though. They had barely stopped for forty five minutes before they started packing back up. They were on a mission after all. 

Shauna stretched her arms high above her head, feeling her vertebrae crack and her muscles stretch with the pull, when she noticed movement from the corner of her eye. Just the back of a head, moving past the doorway, but she’d know the back of that head anywhere. She had spent most of her life looking at it. 

Within the bustle of breaking down camp, Shauna slipped away through the doorway unnoticed. The corridor was cold. Cold enough for Shauna to see her breath. It wasn’t cold enough to get her to turn around and leave. She looked at the back of the spectral figure down the hall.

She knew it was a ghost. She wasn’t delusional—but she’d recognize that figure from the other side of the planet. “Jackie…?” The name left her as little more than the cloud of vapor. The figure stopped. “Jackie!” 

Shauna stepped forward once more as the ghostly figure turned, and—it was her. She was more gaunt, and her skin was a pale blue, but it was her. Shauna almost fell to her knees. 

The ghostly figure glided back over to Shauna, stopping in front of her, and this time Shauna did fall to her knees. “I…I’m so sorry, Jax.” She tried to swallow past the knot in her throat. “We’re coming to get you—I swear! I won’t leave you again. Just hold on a little longer, okay? For me.”

Jackie’s spectral hand reached out toward Shauna and cupped her face. All of the heat in her body seemed to drain all at once, siphoned into the ghostly hand. Shauna’s eyes drifted shut as her body began to shiver. 

“Shauna!” Tai ripped her away with a bruising grip on her arm and threw her backwards. The ringing of metal on metal sang in the air as Tai whipped out her axe. 

“No—stop!” Shauna lethargically tried to scramble to her feet—when did she get so tired?

Two hands—two warm, living hands—gently cupped her face. “Shauna, listen to me.” Shauna tried to wrench her face from the grasp, but she was too weak to do even that. The warmth from the hands seeped into her skin, and her thoughts became less muddled. 

She stopped struggling and followed the hands up to the person they belonged to—Laura Lee. “ It’s not her , Shauna. It’s not her.” She spoke with such conviction that Shauna had no choice but to believe her as she looked in her eyes. Laura Lee had never lied to her. Shauna nodded disjointedly, and Laura Lee stepped away. 

Lottie took her place, kneeling down next to Shauna to help support her. She watched as Laura Lee stepped forward, walking past Tai and Van who were standing at the ready, weapons drawn. Several other spirits emerged from the walls, absolutely chilling the air of the entire hallway, but Laura Lee looked entirely unaffected. 

Shauna looked beyond Laura Lee and saw—a ghost. A spirit with long, unruly and unkempt hair, sunken eyes, and a body so thin it appeared almost like bones. It wasn’t Jackie. Relief filled Shauna, but could not alleviate the deep sorrow in her heart. This was not her, but she was still gone. 

Laura Lee spoke an incantation—a prayer, an apology, a farewell—under her breath, and then reached out and touched the ghost. A bright, golden light encompassed the ghost, warmth radiating outward, chasing away the cold.

When the light faded, the other spirits had disappeared, and the ghost before them resembled a much more human form. It smiled kindly at Laura Lee as it faded away, no longer chained to the dungeon without a body to inhabit. 

All souls in the dungeon would eventually turn into ghosts if they weren’t resurrected—stuck forever, unable to move on and in a constant search of warmth. Of life. 

“They could feel you reaching out and searching.” Laura Lee turned and hurried back to Shauna, who was still stuck on her knees, leaning heavily on Lottie. Nat, Tai, and Van watched the perimeter with weapons drawn, while Misty just stared after the disappearing ghost, entranced. 

Laura Lee cupped Shauna’s face in her hands, tilting her head up towards her from her kneeling position. “I should’ve realized you’d be vulnerable right now. I’m sorry I didn’t prepare you.” She murmured an incantation under her breath and light sprouted from her fingertips once more. Laura Lee delicately brushed Shauna’s hair back behind her ear, her mana wrapping around Shauna, warming her—protecting her.

With a final press of a thumb against the center of her forehead, Shauna was overcome by a feeling of safety she hadn’t felt in years. The cold fully left her body, some of her strength returned with the influx of mana, and her thoughts cleared.

“Thank you,” Shauna mumbled as Laura Lee pulled away with a smile, before reaching out to Lottie. 

Lottie closed her eyes as Laura Lee cupped her face too, going through the same ministrations as she did with Shauna. Shauna looked between them and simply saw devotion. 

Slowly making her way around the group, Laura Lee bestowed a blessing of protection upon every member of the group, shielding them from spectral attacks. Tai was a bit hesitant, but begrudgingly agreed after a solid elbow to the side from Van. 

By the time Laura Lee had made it through everyone, Shauna had regained enough energy to stand, though Laura Lee appeared to be a bit drained now from her mana exertion. Lottie suggested they rest a bit longer but Laura Lee shook her head, insisting it wasn’t necessary. 

Shauna nodded in agreement, waving off the group’s concern. “We should make as much progress as possible.” 

Luckily, the rest of the day passed by smoothly, though with ghosts being the only creatures they encountered all day, the group was forced to eat vegetables and cured meat for dinner as well. This time, Misty made a stew—it was a bit bland, but nutritious nonetheless.  

Van was just finishing up a story about fighting a group of merlings, completely outnumbered, when Tai chimed in.

“That reminds me of our run in with the Living Armor, right Shauna?”

Shauna looked up from the staff in her lap to Tai, her head tilted. “I mean…I guess so?” 

Tai rolled her eyes. “We were completely outnumbered.”

“Oh,” Shauna nodded, “then yes.”

“It was when we were with the mercenary group. We were sent down to strip whatever gold we could from this level actually. After days of traveling through the dungeon, getting what we could, we stumbled on a chamber on this level. It was surprisingly ornate—most of the other chambers had been picked over already at this point.” The group all listened in as Tai told the story, but Shauna had lived it. She was content just to sit there, completing her nightly routine. 

“The room was lined with—it must’ve been sixteen—sets of armor. We were a group of six… somebody got excited; we hadn’t seen anything that looked worth something in a while. They got too excited. They ran up to the armor and tried to grab the helmet.” Misty and Van looked like they were on the edge of their seats, while everyone else listened more casually.

“It all happened quickly from there. The armor started moving—it stabbed that guy through the chest. They all started circling around us before half of us even had the chance to draw our weapons. Shauna and I were back to back, holding on the best we could. I don’t know if you’ve ever fought living armor before, but they just keep coming. Everytime we would fight one off, another would take its place; any ones we dismembered just rebuilt themselves. It was a losing battle from the beginning.” Tai looked into the fire. 

“It felt like the others fell in less than a minute, and two against sixteen is near impossible…it ended pretty soon after that. Sword in the throat for me. What was it for you again, Shauna, the stomach?” Shauna felt the heavy gazes of Lottie and Laura Lee searing into the side of her face as she turned to Tai. 

“The heart, actually.” She softly corrected. Tai made a sound of acknowledgement and remembrance.  

“Right, the stomach was the harpies—anyway, we were recovered by Corpse Retrievers the same day. They charged us a ridiculously exorbitant fee that cost us our entire earnings from the trip…Shauna hasn’t gotten along with them since.” Shauna was still looking at Tai as she finished the story, refusing to meet the two gazes at her other side. 

“So that’s what this is from.” Van said as they reached over, tracing the thin scar across Tai’s neck with their finger. Tai’s neck tensed; she huffed out a nervous laugh and nodded.

Scars from resurrections depended entirely on the mage’s mana level and skill. Corpse retrievers were not particularly known for their skillful resurrections—just speedy ones, so their… clients were often left with reminders of the job. Shauna had a few reminders of her own. 

“Let’s just make sure we don’t go back to that room—I do not need that in my life right now.” Nat mumbled from her position on the floor, leaned back on her pack, arms crossed, eyes closed, just listening in. 

“When did this happen?” Lottie asked, something definitely lurking behind the curiosity. Tai shrugged.

“Probably close to three years at this point, yeah?” She nudged Shauna who was so focused on not acknowledging Lottie that she forgot to acknowledge Tai.

“Oh. Yeah, probably.” 

“You died?” The concern in Laura Lee’s voice finally forced Shauna to look over. 

“A few times…it’s a hazard of the job.” Shauna admitted, but it did nothing to soothe Laura Lee’s worries. “It was in the dungeon. I’m fine now.” 

Shauna raised her hand and wiggled her fingers in demonstration that she was okay. Laura Lee still looked hesitant, but she nodded. Lottie looked lost in thought again. 

The concept of death and resurrection was always a hurdle to get over for those new to the dungeon. Death on the surface was permanent. Final. Down here it was more of a transitional state…a waiting period—amorphous and flexible if you knew how to mold it.  

“Most adventurers have died at least once—however, I’ve managed to evade death on three separate occasions.” Van bragged, holding up and wiggling three fingers. Tai rolled her eyes at that, and Van started in on their next story, taking the attention of the group once more. 

Shauna ran her hand along the cherry wood in her lap and listened.

--———————————

Morning came quickly and Shauna woke with a deep feeling of longing…of hunger. She couldn’t remember her dream. She didn’t have to. 

Misty and Lottie were already working on breakfast around the fire—they had to ration a bit now since level three was pretty barren in terms of edible monsters. The breakfast consisted of tea and jerky, and it did little to quell the hunger that seemed to be growing inside Shauna. 

Soon enough, they had packed up their things, ready to continue for another day of travel. Three days. It had been three days already. Four entire years did not compare to the turmoil Shauna had within her for the past three days. Still, there was nothing else to do but continue on and let her thoughts consume her. 

The third level was marked by its corridors all looking exactly the same while the layout was ever changing. Doors would lead to the same rooms, but rarely were they in the same place. It was this level that really solidified for Shauna that the dungeon itself was its own type of living thing—a part of the ecosystem and not just a container for one. 

They spent most of the day opening doors and peeking into rooms. Most chambers were empty, but that didn’t mean they were safe. Misty had stepped into one haphazardly; her foot landed on a pressure plate and triggered a trap. Luckily, Shauna heard the mechanism in time to dodge out of the way, but a heavy crossbow bolt still grazed the side of her arm.

She hissed in pain, raising her arm to cover the wound, coating her hand in blood. Laura Lee hurried over with her hand raised, but Shauna stopped her with a shake of her head. 

“Don’t waste your mana on this.” She spoke through gritted teeth. 

“It wouldn’t be a waste.” Laura Lee admonished. 

“It’s just a flesh wound—here, just help me wrap it.” Shauna continued to apply pressure to the wound in order to staunch the bleeding as Laura Lee grabbed some bandages and began wrapping around the cut. 

Meanwhile, Nat was berating Misty for not looking where she was going. Shauna had more pressing matters than to listen to that at the moment. Laura Lee tightly tied off the bandage around Shauna’s arm, making sure the bow was tidy. With her mark of approval, they set out again. 

Shauna desperately wanted to clean the blood off of her hand, but she didn’t want to waste any more water before they were able to get to level four—just in case. She let her bloodied hand dangle at her side. 

Nat led the group from there, constantly on the lookout for traps and other possible pathways. It certainly slowed their progress to be so cautious, but Nat insisted upon it. There was no need for them to be injured and weakened when they could avoid it.

They entered yet another mostly empty room after Nat gave the go ahead, but this one had another set of doors on the other side. After Nat performed a thorough inspection of the floor, her feet gently gliding and prodding across floor tiles, the rest of the group made their way across the chamber. 

As Shauna trudged her way across the room, her arm still throbbing, she noticed something on the wall from the corner of her eye. She paused and looked. It was some kind of symbol—a triangle with a circle at the point, a hook at the bottom, several lines extending from the triangle, and one striking through it.

Shauna recognized it immediately from the book. It was a symbol supposedly seen throughout the dungeon, but Shauna had never actually encountered it before. Her feet had taken her over to the symbol without thought. It was carved into the stone of the wall perfectly; even the circle seemed entirely uniform, which probably meant it was carved with magic. 

Reaching up her hand, Shauna traced over the symbol with her bloodied hand—the red sinking into the carving, filling the divots. The stone seemed to absorb the offering. 

--———————————

Shauna blinked, and then she was somewhere else. Some when else. 

She was standing on the outskirts of a village—if you could even call it that. It was barely more than three cabins in the middle of the woods. The cabins looked a little run down, but they could still serve as shelter. Snow blanketed the ground and roofs of the cabin, and a shiver suddenly ran through her body; the effects of the cold hitting her all at once instead of gradually. Shauna looked around, confused, trying to find any sign of the rest of the party. 

The door to the central cabin suddenly opened, and a man stepped out. He was bundled in clothes, but Shauna could tell he was thin underneath it all. He had a sword at his waist, a bow slung across his shoulder, and a sack in hand. 

“Excuse me,” Shauna started cautiously, but the man didn’t even acknowledge that he was being spoken to. He descended the few stairs of the cabin and started trudging through the snow, right past Shauna, without sparing her a single glance. 

--———————————

She blinked, and suddenly she was in the woods. With a startle, she realized the man from before was squatting down next to her. He was looking at snares—all empty. He cursed and threw the empty sack onto the ground. 

--———————————

They were back at the cabin again—this time inside. The man sat at a table with a woman and three children spanning from toddler to teen. The table in front of them was barren aside from pine needle tea and something Shauna could only describe as gruel. The table was quiet. The children didn’t laugh or whine, and the adults didn’t speak. They were all clearly starving; their cheeks and eyes were sunken in. Winter was never kind. 

--———————————

They were amongst the trees once more, this time snow was falling around them. The man was digging into a tree with his knife, removing the outer section of the bark to reach the fibrous meat underneath. He was weak. He was dying, Shauna knew. 

It only took a slip of the knife for blood to spill. He sliced into the meat of his palm. Red splattered onto the tree, staining the wood. The blood flowed down his arm, dripping onto the white snow. He dropped the knife and immediately applied pressure to the wound, cursing to himself. 

Shauna watched him rip off a piece of cloth from one of his many layers and start to wrap his palm with it. Blood continued to seep through the wrapping, dotting the snow below. Shauna tensed before he did. 

Something was watching them. 

She could feel the heavy eyes of something hungry looking at them from among the trees. Shauna glanced around, unable to find the source of the danger, when the man froze, finally sensing that he wasn’t alone. He lifted his head, eyes flitting around until they finally found purchase.

Shauna matched his gaze. It took her a moment until she finally noticed it.

A figure stood in the distance. It was hard to describe form or face, but it was vaguely humanoid. The only truly distinct features were the antlers atop its head, seemingly taking form from the branches it was standing amongst. 

--———————————

They were back in the cabin once more, and for the first time since this all began, Shauna was warm. A fire lit up the walls of the cabin, and voices filled the space. The kids were playing, the adults were laughing, and the table was full. The hunger abated…for now.

A pair of antlers hung on the mantle.

A pair of antlers watched from the window, as the featureless humanoid figure looked in at the family. The figure shifted subtly—so slightly it could have been nothing—but Shauna felt like it was looking directly at her. Instinctively, as if sensing danger, her body took a step back. 

--———————————

She collided directly into another body. She turned with a sharp inhale, ready for a fight, but two calm, steady, familiar hands grasped her shoulders. 

“Where did you go just now?” Lottie. She was back. Shauna’s eyes bounced around the room. It was the same, nondescript chamber they had been in before. God, that felt like it happened years ago. 

The rest of the group hovered around the door—it didn’t seem like they had been waiting very long. Tai glanced over her shoulder, and her brows furrowed when she met Shauna’s gaze. She started back toward Shauna, but Shauna was shaken from her gaze, quite literally, by Lottie. 

“ Shauna , where did you go?”

“I—I don’t…” Shauna looked over her shoulder, back toward the symbol, but it was gone. In its place was just her bloody handprint. “There was a cabin and a family and…” Shauna trailed off while she looked at her blood staining the wall. Hunger settled into the pit of her stomach. “They were so hungry…but something changed. Something came…and then they weren’t anymore.” 

The hands on her shoulder tightened. Shauna looked back at Lottie. She looked stricken—her eyes wide, nearly glazed over, and her mouth dropped open slightly. Shauna could feel her fingers trembling in the grip on her shoulders. 

“Everything okay?” Tai came to a stop next to them, looking between them and Lottie’s grip. 

Lottie’s mouth opened and closed a few times, failing to formulate a response. Shauna nodded slowly, reached up, and covered Lottie’s hands with her own. She loosened Lottie’s grip from her to hold her hands between them—her blood covering Lottie’s hands the very same way it coated the wall. Shauna cleared her throat. 

“We’re fine. Just needed a moment—Lottie wanted to make sure I didn’t fall behind. We’ll be there in a second.” Shauna answered Tai without looking away from Lottie. She had a look in her eye that Shauna hadn’t seen since the first year they’d met. There was a vacancy there. A longing…a hunger. 

“Okay…” Tai dragged out the response and slowly started to head back toward the group. “Just don’t take too long, we don’t want to lose all the time we’ve saved.” 

“Lottie,” Shauna murmured as soon as Tai was out of earshot, “do you know what I saw? Do you know what that was?”

Lottie’s response was too low for Shauna to hear. Shauna leaned in. “What did you say?” 

“Il voulait plus de sang…” Lottie shook her head as she spoke words Shauna couldn’t understand. Lottie blinked after the words left her and awareness reentered her gaze. “The Antler Queen…the wilderness—when it hungers, we hunger.” 

Lottie gently encased Shauna’s bloody hand between both of her own and flipped it over. Shauna’s throat tightened at the sight of the symbol from the wall formed in the negative space of the blood on her palm. The only spots on her palm that were completely clean were in the path of that symbol. Lottie ran a finger over the symbol, and the blood cleared away along with the symbol—prestidigitation. 

“Be careful,” Lottie curled Shauna’s newly cleaned hand into a fist. “It’s taken notice.” 

Lottie squeezed Shauna’s hand one final time before she dropped it, walking over to Laura Lee, who had her brows furrowed in concern. 

Shauna looked down at her hand, flexing out her fingers several times, looking at her palm. The symbol was gone. The blood was gone. She could still feel it there—she could trace her eyes along its exact location. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Shauna looked up and joined the group. 

She had never seen Lottie like that before. Sure, sometimes Lottie seemed a little far away—like she was somewhere else entirely, but never like that. She had looked troubled. Fearful….Anticipatory. 

“What was all that about?” Tai asked quietly as she came to walk next to her. Van glanced at the two of them before picking up her pace a bit, giving them space. She joined the group up in the middle where Lottie and Laura Lee had their heads together, whispering about something. Nat kept glancing back at the pair from her spot next to Misty in the front. 

“I don’t know,” Shauna shrugged, “I thought…I thought I saw something there on the wall.” Shauna nodded her head back over her shoulder toward the wall behind them. Tai glanced at the bloody handprint. 

“What did you think you saw?” 

Shauna opened her mouth to answer, but she shut it before she could say anything, shaking her head. Tai gave her a look—she didn’t believe her. 

“Do you…feel like we’re being watched?” Shauna tried instead.

“Right now?” Tai tensed. Shauna nodded and Tai looked around somewhat surreptitiously. After a moment, the tension left Tai. She looked at Shauna almost apologetically and shook her head. 

“It’s probably nothing—just some leftover effect from the ghost trying to drain me yesterday.” Shauna attempted to placate the worry in Tai’s face as she ignored the hairs on the back of her neck standing straight. 

“If you’re sure…” She sounded unconvinced, but Shauna knew she would let it go for now. She didn’t know how much longer that would last though. Tai had her limits—she would step in eventually. 

“We’re here.” Nat announced from the front, coming to a stop in front of an archway with a tight spiral staircase descending into darkness beyond. 

One by one, they stepped through the archway and began the downward descent. Shauna flexed her hand and followed after Tai, walking under the antlers adorning the arch. 

A pit rested firmly in her stomach as the attention of…something, settled upon her. 

Chapter Text

A cold wind buffeted against the party as they trudged through the snowy and icy landscape of the fourth level. Their boots crunched, sinking several inches down with each step. Shauna shivered; no matter how many times she had traversed this level she always forgot how cold it could really get. 

They had breached the thin wooded area close to the stairwell hours ago and began the trek across the massive frozen lake. It seemed to stretch for miles in all directions, the trees behind them just barely visible with no others in sight. Many adventurers didn’t even realize that it was a lake, as it was always covered in so much snow. 

According to the book, it had always been that way. There were no shifting seasons on this level—just an unforgiving winter. Storms would come and go, snow would pile up, but it never actually warmed enough for the snow to melt. At least not that Shauna had ever seen or heard. At some point the snow just simply seemed to reset itself back to a lesser layering, some type of self regulation. 

Distance was deceptive in the all white landscape, the trip across the lake could take hours or it could take days. It depended on the dungeon’s layout at the time. A voice in the back of Shauna’s head thought: it depended if the dungeon was hungry. 

Even among the expanse of nothingness, Shauna still felt eyes on her. She kept scanning the area, glancing behind them as they walked. 

She was walking at the back of the party with Laura Lee, who was struggling to walk through the snow. Shauna didn’t blame her—it was exhausting. The rest of the group wasn’t fairing much better. Tai and Van were both putting up a good front of seeming unaffected, but their heavy breathing gave them away. Misty was extremely out of breath because she still insisted on filling every second of silence. Nat was trudging alongside Lottie in a similar way that Shauna was to Laura Lee—someone to catch them if they fell. 

Shauna looked back over her shoulder again, trying to figure out how far they’d come. It wasn’t far enough for her liking—it would take them days to make it to level five at this point and they didn’t have the time or rations for that. There had to be some way to make this trek easier. Usually, if they knew they were coming down to this level the guild provided them some snowshoes, but they didn’t have the budget for that. Shauna was surprised Misty didn’t have any, but she said she preferred to avoid the fourth level beyond the forest if she could.

The energy it took to walk through this snow, pulling your feet from sinking down, was not sustainable. Shauna stopped. Laura Lee stopped too and looked at Shauna quizzically, her arms wrapped tightly around her body to conserve warmth. No one else noticed the pause; their heads were all bent down against the wind.

“Lottie!” Shauna yelled up, fighting the volume of the wind. The group collectively startled—not having heard anyone but Misty talk for a good while—and came to a stop. 

“What’s wrong?” Lottie made her way back through their footsteps toward Shauna in a much more graceful way than anticipated. Long legs really were an asset out here, especially when compared to Misty and Nat both struggling to keep up with Lottie’s pace. 

Lottie stopped in front of Shauna and Laura Lee; her eyes already scanning the both of them, looking for something wrong. Laura Lee smiled and shrugged under the concerned gaze, so Lottie turned to Shauna. 

“What if we used a water walking spell?” Shauna motioned to the ground, catching her breath while they were stopped. Lottie looked confused for a moment, her brows furrowing, before understanding dawned on her. 

“I’ve never even thought—the properties are the same….I don’t see why it wouldn’t work…everyone, gather around in a circle.” Lottie was still half in thought when she turned back to the rest of the group who had stopped a few feet away. 

Everyone did, unwilling to question anything that might help them in the moment. Shauna did not know how many bodies lay buried under the snow on this level, never to be recovered, but she was certain that was why the spiritual presence on the level above was so intense. Adventurers would walk themselves to exhaustion, collapse, and be unable to do anything about it as the snow fell steadily on top of them. With the snow covering them, no one would be able to find them until it was too late. 

Lottie grabbed Shauna’s hand and motioned for everyone to do the same before she took Nat’s with her other hand. Shauna grabbed Laura Lee’s, and one by one, everyone grabbed hands until they were a connected circle. 

“Everyone take a deep breath…this will be easier to do with everyone’s available mana.” Lottie closed her eyes and practically hummed. Shauna could already feel Lottie and Laura Lee’s mana at her fingertips. Shauna let herself fall into a familiar pattern—one they often did throughout school—and let her mana meet the others’ connecting the three of them. Four of them? Shauna could just barely feel the warmth pulsing against her back. 

“That’s great and all, but what about those of us without mana?” Tai asked from across the circle. 

“There’s no such thing.” Lottie didn’t open her eyes as she responded. 

“If I could blow stuff up at the snap of my fingertips, believe me I would have already done it, Lott.” Van joked.

“It’s not that simple.” Shauna did not mean to sound as defensive as she knew she did. 

“Of course, not everyone can cast spells, but we all have an innate amount of mana within. Some people just have more and better access to it.” 

“And closing our eyes and taking deep breaths helps us access this, how?” Nat’s unimpressed voice came from the other side of Lottie. 

“Centering and relaxing your body allows mana to flow more easily. You’re way too tense all the time, Natalie .”

An extremely deep and exaggerated breath filled the circle, and Shauna knew without looking that it was Misty. Shauna felt bad for Laura Lee and Tai who were stuck on either side of her—better them than her, though. 

“You know what, sure.” Van said then took a deep breath of their own. 

Shauna heard Tai sigh—it was her resigned one. She usually made it when Shauna was about to do something she knew she couldn’t stop. Nat grumbled something under her breath. 

It took a few more moments before Shauna was able to sense a few other small presences around them. This was not her forte in magic, so she was surprised to even feel anything at all—especially so out of practice. Maybe it was Jackie’s remaining mana in her staff aiding and amplifying things for her.

Lottie began saying the spell. Her hands, still holding onto Shauna and Nat’s hands, moved to perform the somatic components of the spell. She then reached into her side pouch, taking Shauna’s hand with her, and fished out a piece of cork. 

In a way that was somehow both ceremonious and nonchalant, she tossed the cork into the middle of the circle. Shauna expected the cork to land lamely on the surface of the snow, but instead it shot down through the snow, as if pulled by an intense weight. 

At the same time, a tingle shot up Shauna’s spine, seemingly pulling her up from the snow. It urged her out from the footprints she was currently sunken into. She dropped Laura Lee and Lottie’s hand, taking a step toward the cork. Her feet met the surface of the snow and—the snow held. Shauna jumped. 

She landed on solid ground. Looking over her shoulder at Lottie, she met her eyes with a small smile. They used to discuss and brainstorm spells all the time in school—constantly considering what spells could be used for and how different variables might affect them. Everyone else in the group had separated from the circle and was getting the hang of their snow-legs to varying degrees of success. 

“Since I cast it using everyone’s mana, the spell will be maintained by everyone’s own mana. That way I won’t be completely drained—you’ll all probably be tired later, but this should last us the rest of the day.” 

Shauna looked down through the near perfectly circular hole the cork left in the snow. She cleared the area around the hole, scooping and searching. She dug until her fingers hit a solid surface, and then Shauna was looking at a small circular hole in the ice of the lake. The ice was extremely thick, so she wasn't worried, and there, about four inches into the ice, was the cork. It was slowly pushing itself down through the ice, vibrating slightly with force. 

They had switched weights with the cork. The cork had taken on the weight of seven people, while they had the weight of the piece of cork—at least while on the snow. She had never seen the spell at work before, just read about it at school, but it was fascinating to see it in practice. 

Most magic at its core was about exchange. It was impossible to remove a person’s weight, but it could be transferred to something else. Forbidden, or Ancient, magic was the only type that was often unbound by those rules. Those were spells so old that they existed before spell regulation did. Some were extremely dangerous, but others were simply just powerful. 

Pushing herself up off her knees and dusting the snow from her hands, Shauna stood on the snow and rejoined everyone else. 

They had all seemed to get their bearings on the snow by then. Less weight meant less friction, which in turn meant more sliding. Shauna used that to her advantage, practically skating across the snow’s surface. 

Van, Misty, and Laura Lee seemed to be struggling the most. Laura Lee had an arm threaded with Lottie’s to help keep her balance. Misty had taken two of Nat’s crossbow bolts and tied them to the back of her boots, tips facing downward, to form some makeshift cleats. Van used their halberd as a staff to assist in their walking—they were very strong and sturdy, but their fine motor footwork skills were a bit lacking. 

Shauna wasn’t the most elegant, but she knew she was in no danger of falling over. Years of sneaking off school grounds with Jackie to go skating on a pond in the winter ensured that. She half-walked half-skated over to the group, letting herself slide to a stop in front. 

“Ready?” Shauna waited for a few nods or agreements before she turned and started leading—now that Lottie was watching over Laura Lee. 

“Man, we should’ve done this the first time around.” Van commented, placing their halberd next to them. It parted through the snow while they did not, and they tapped it a few times against the ice below.

“I didn’t even consider it…I don’t think Jackie did either. This was all Shauna.” 

“It was just something I was thinking about.” Shauna muttered, uncaring if anyone actually heard her reply or not. 

The shore behind them finally disappeared, while the shore ahead of them appeared no closer. Hours passed, but it felt like they made zero progress. Shauna was left to wonder if they became so light that their weight couldn’t even propel them forward. What  if they had simply been walking in place for hours, sliding forward mere centimeters?

The only thing that kept her from spiraling at that thought was the fact that the tree line behind them had disappeared. She still felt those eyes on her though…even with no trees in sight. 

When they were sufficiently exhausted and their shoes started to form depressions in the snow, the spell about to come to an end, they decided to stop for the night. Luckily the sun also cycled on this level, so they wouldn’t have to worry about the intensity of the sun bouncing against the snow while they slept—though the white out even in the dark on this level was intense. 

They began setting up what camp they could as the sun started to set. Shauna, Van, and Tai started digging out a circle in the snow. They pushed the snow up around the perimeter of the circle, forming banks with the snow to protect against the wind and cold. Tai hacked away at icier bits with her axe in order to clear them out. 

They quickly decided they didn’t want to risk a fire, so Lottie drew a heating circle on the ground. This way heat would emit outward and upward, but not downward. The ice was thick, but they didn’t want to tempt anything while they were asleep. 

Nat gathered snow in a bucket to boil for water, while Misty started to ration out the remaining cured meat and vegetables to the group. 

Once the drift was sufficiently built, Shauna practically collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily. That had been a full body workout. Tai and Van soon joined her, practically falling into one another as they dropped to the ground. 

Laura Lee had helped roll out everyone’s bed rolls, which Shauna was thankful for. Her arms were leadened—she couldn’t even reach over her shoulder to grab Jackie’s staff. Misty distributed the food under Nat’s watchful eye, and then they all sat in silence. Half of the group was unused to the exhaustion that came with a prolonged use of mana, and the other half was simply physically exhausted from the day’s trek and work.

Slowly and deliberately, Shauna brought the meat to her lips, her hand shaking slightly the entire time. The meal took much longer than usual with the speed at which she ate; a single bite every other minute, but she made sure to savor each mouthful. 

“This was pretty much the last of what we have.” Misty tore into another piece of meat with her teeth.

“I’ll be on the lookout tomorrow as we walk…maybe there will be some hares.” Nat didn’t sound very hopeful. 

“It’ll work out.” Lottie assured. 

Finally, after enough rest, Shauna was able to grab the staff from her back and start her little ritual. She wasn’t able to put much mana into the staff that night as she was already a bit tired from maintaining the waterwalk all day, and knew they’d have to do it tomorrow too. 

Exhaustion soon won out for her and the remainder of the group. Shauna tried to stay up for a bit; she watched Lottie, Laura Lee, and Misty all drift off. Tai was fighting off sleep similarly to her, but the last thing she remembered was seeing Van catch herself as her head dropped down to her chest. Shauna fell asleep holding the staff. So tired that she didn’t even realize no one had offered to take watch. 

————————-------------------------

Screaming. Shauna woke up to screaming.

“Jackie!?” Shauna shot up. She had just been right here—they had just been in bed together. 

Another scream. There was a commotion. There was yelling—many voices overlapping. Shauna finally woke up and became present, making sense of the situation as she looked around. There were three massive dark forms around the camp attacking the others. 

Shauna reached out for her sword; she always placed it next to her when she was sleeping. She kept her eyes on the figures in front of her, hoping to catch them by surprise.

Before her fingers could wrap around the grip, a searing, tearing pain shot through her arm as large teeth clamped around her bicep from behind. Shauna let out a pained yell and attempted to pry at the muzzle attached to the teeth with her other hand. 

A direwolf—they were direwolves. Blood streamed from her arm between the beast’s teeth, covering Shauna and the snow below. Her other hand became slippery, coated in her own blood and struggling against the monstrous mouth. 

The teeth clenched down harder with every effort to remove them. The direwolf shook its head in a jerking motion and Shauna felt her arm tear further. 

She screamed in the face of this massive beast—in pain, in fear, in anger. It was instinct that had her mana flowing down her arm—just like her blood—to her fingertips. She couldn’t snap her fingers; she could barely feel them at this point beyond the pain in her bicep. She barely even managed a twitch from within the mouth of the beast—but it was enough. 

The beast’s throat exploded outward, viscera and gore blanketing Shauna and the snow around her, as the direwolf’s head detached from its body. The hulking figure collapsed in a heap on the ice while its head remained attached to Shauna’s arm. Without the powerful muscles holding the head up, the weight pulled down on her arm. 

She cried out once more and fell to the ground, trying to alleviate the tearing in her arm. Fighting was still going on around her, but she couldn’t make sense of it beyond the sounds of struggling and yells. Her heartbeat thudded loudly in her ears. Her eyes were zeroed in on her bicep right where teeth sank into sinew. 

She needed to get it off of her before rigor mortis set in. Taking a few deep breaths before clenching her teeth, Shauna grabbed at the muzzle once more. Her bloodied hand shook as it took a hold of a large canine. With as much strength as she could muster, Shauna pulled.

A scream tore from her throat as the top teeth slipped from her arm. More blood pooled from the punctures, coating her arm in red. Now taking rapid, sharp breaths to push through the pain, she held the top jaw open. Using her shoulder muscles, she began to lift her arm from the bottom canines. 

It was agony. Tears streamed down her face, as the slow, intense burning of the removal rolled through her entire body. It felt like it had been hours before she pulled her arm from the teeth. She collapsed backwards onto the snow dusted ice, screaming. She rolled her head to the side to look at her arm. 

“FUCK!” Her bloodied hand hovered shakily over her arm. The punctures had turned into strips—the deep wounds had torn down her bicep, creating deep grooves. She couldn’t even move her arm when she tried, and her fingers had not so much as twitched since she cast the spell. 

Shauna had never been particularly good at healing spells—they just weren’t her branch of magic, but she knew she had to do something . She couldn’t see Lottie or Laura Lee—couldn’t see anything beyond her watery and hazy peripherals. In the moment, it was just her, and she needed to do something . 

The blood on her shaking, hovering hand began to steam and then bubble as she heated it up. A singular sob escaped her before she clenched her teeth and grasped her bicep. Her blood sizzled and the smell of her own skin cooking wafted up her nose as the wounds seared shut. 

Without giving herself time to second guess, fighting through the pain with short, deep breaths, she released the top of her bicep and grasped the bottom. Shauna curled into herself, trembling with pain, as her hand rapidly cooled, dropping away from her wounds. 

The sounds of the struggle came flooding back into her senses—she had no idea how long it had been. It could’ve been seconds, but it had certainly felt like hours. She reached with her functioning, non-dominant hand to grab her sword, and staggered to her feet. 

A quick survey of the area showed Tai and Nat breathing heavily, standing above a collapsing dire wolf. Tai didn’t wait around and quickly ran towards the screaming—the same screaming that had woken Shauna up. Tai stormed past Misty, who was prone on the ground, toward another dire wolf, frantic. 

The final direwolf was in front of Lottie and Laura Lee. Lottie had restrained it with vines, but the beast struggled and tore at them, trying to break free. Shauna stumbled over as fast as she could. She practically fell into the side of the wolf as she pierced her sword through the side of its neck, using gravity to slice downward, tearing through its throat. 

She collapsed with the direwolf as it fell, cushioned by its large body. 

“Shauna!” Laura Lee called out, concerned. She had just reached Shauna, placing her hands on her back when Tai called out—panicked. 

“LAURA LEE!” 

Shauna felt her hesitation. “I can hold on.” She gritted out.

With a quick squeeze, Laura Lee rushed over to Tai. Shauna flipped over with a hiss of pain, allowing herself to slide down the stomach of the direwolf, propping herself up against it. 

She watched Laura Lee approach the final, dead direwolf, that Tai was standing next to. Tai glanced down for just a moment before turning to the rest of the group. “Everyone who can help lift, get over here—now!” 

The urgency kicked everyone into gear. Shauna tried to stand, but she was forced back down by Lottie’s hand on her shoulder as she rushed past. Misty scrambled to her feet as Nat sprinted over. Laura Lee hunched in front of the beast; Shauna couldn’t see past the large body. 

Everyone else grabbed a part of the direwolf and lifted with all of their might. It cleared half a foot—maybe, but it seemed like that was enough to shift it off to the side. Revealing from underneath, the supine and battered form of Van. 

Laura Lee knelt at her head, while Tai held onto one of her hands. Shauna couldn’t tell from here if she was alive or not. Without reaching into her pouch, Laura Lee laid her hands on Van— still alive then , Shauna thought. Reviving usually took some material component, while healing just amplified and kickstarted the body’s natural processes. 

Shauna watched the scene, unable to do much else; her eyes staying on Tai. She had never seen Tai in such open distress before. Her entire body was tense, still expecting a battle, but her eyes were unfocused. Shauna recognized the look; she was sure it was the same one she’d had all those days ago. 

After a tense few minutes, Shauna watched Van’s legs shift. The tension eased from Tai’s body—not entirely. Never entirely, but enough. Laura Lee remained, but everyone else gave them space, walking back toward Shauna. 

Lottie knelt down beside her and looked at her arm, wincing slightly at the sight of it. 

“Van okay?” Shauna mumbled; she didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to speak. Lottie dug around in her pouch and bobbled her head. 

“They should be. We were lucky it wasn’t hungrier.” Lottie spoke the second sentence quietly, for herself. 

“You and Van took the worst of it. Everyone else got off with scrapes and cuts.” Nat stood off to the side with her arms crossed. “That looks like it hurt.” She nodded to Shauna’s arm. Shauna grunted her agreement. 

“At the very least, we won’t run out of food now! That was kind of perfect timing when you think about it.” Misty walked from corpse to corpse, examining them. 

“Whoa, what happened to this one?” Misty stood at the decapitated head of the direwolf Shauna had killed.

“Blew up.” Shauna winced. 

A cool, soothing sensation took Shauna by surprise—her eyes flicked down at the balm Lottie was currently spreading across her bicep. Lottie dipped her fingers back into the container, scooping out some more, and continued to cover Shauna’s wounds with it. She didn’t work it into the skin, just left it in a thick layer over top of it, fully coating and encasing the area. 

The difference between healing methods from mage to mage was as personal as their staff. It was usually indicative of their magical strengths. Laura Lee’s stemmed from her spiritual magic, while Lottie’s stemmed from her natural magic. Hell, even Shauna’s cauterization was considered a type of healing magic—though a less effective and temporary type.

Now, Shauna had never seen Jackie revivify—nor did she ever want to, considering Jackie healed by transferring the injury to herself. She hadn’t realized what was happening for a long time—Jackie didn’t even truly realize until years into school. 

————————-------------------------

They were eight at the time and they were in class; it was their spiritual magic class. Jackie and Shauna, of course, shared a table. Shauna had her head propped up on her fist as she read the book in front of her. Jackie’s feet swung back and forth under the table, tapping against Shauna’s. 

Shauna looked up at the professor as she turned to the next page, and hissed in pain. She glanced down at the red line beading up on her finger—a paper cut. Before she could ever stick her finger in her mouth, Jackie grabbed her hand. She closed her eyes, squeezed Shauna’s hand, and then pressed a light kiss against the injured finger. 

A moment passed before Jackie let go, proclaiming Shauna was “All better!”. She did this all the time, even before she could use her magic. Whenever Shauna took a tumble or got a little banged up (which was pretty frequently for a bookworm) Jackie would squeeze, rub, or kiss the area and proclaim it better. Shauna knew Jackie had picked it up from her own mom, since Mrs. Taylor would never be caught doting in such a way. 

Eventually—and Shauna doesn’t remember exactly when the change happened—the proclamations started working. Whenever Jackie held or kissed her cut or bruise it would go away and the same injury would appear on Jackie. Somehow, most likely due to her mana, the injuries would heal more quickly. This was the case then as well, as the papercut on her finger was gone. Jackie popped her own finger into her mouth. 

“How did you do that?” The two girls jumped at the sound of their teacher’s voice directly in front of them—they frequently got stuck in their own bubble. 

Jackie took her finger out of her mouth, and the professor looked at the small papercut adorning it in exactly the same place as Shauna’s had been. Jackie shrugged. 

“I didn’t want Shauna to be hurt.”

Their teacher nodded and kneeled down in front of them, holding out his hand on the desk. Shauna glanced around at the rest of the class who had turned to watch them, as Jackie placed her hand in their teacher’s. He examined Jackie’s finger and glanced between her and Shauna. 

“Have you ever done this with anyone else?” 

Jackie shook her head. Their teacher hummed in thought. 

“You have to be very careful. That is a very specific and powerful type of healing—like we have been learning about. You transfer another person’s injuries to yourself. Make sure you don’t heal any wounds that are too great; your mana might not be enough to heal you in time.” 

Jackie nodded repeatedly at his words, her wide eyes seemingly widening even further. With her left hand, she reached out and grabbed Shauna’s hand resting next to her book. Shauna squeezed back. 

“As long as you’re aware, you’ll be fine. We’ll make sure you properly learn what you’re doing” The teacher mollified Jackie, patting her hand a few times before standing back up and returning to the lesson. 

Jackie didn’t let go of Shauna’s hand for the rest of the lesson. 

Years later, after their explosive fight, Shauna had to force Jackie to not take her wounds for her. 

————————-------------------------

Shauna hissed in pain, brought back from the memory as Lottie tightly wrapped the balm spread around her wound, tightly in a poultice. Lottie tsked.

“You know you shouldn’t cauterize punctures—now you need twice the healing.” 

“…I’ll be sure to bleed out next time.” Shauna spoke through clenched teeth. Lottie rolled her eyes. 

“Just don’t complain about your itchy arm.” Lottie wrapped her hands around Shauna’s bicep and squeezed—teeth were ripping her apart all over again. Shauna yelped, clenching her eyes shut, as well as practically everything else in her body. Healing was absolutely excruciating when anyone other than Jackie healed her. 

The warmth of Lottie’s mana joined the painful squeezing. It dug through the poultice and balm like dozens of worms making their way deeper into the ground. The numerous tendrils wiggled to meet her damaged, burned skin and tore through, separating it once more. 

“Fuck, Lott…” Shauna faintly heard Nat mutter, but she could only focus on the sensation of the mana burrowing. It twisted deeper into the puncture wound, branching and reaching—the worms taking root. 

Shauna was sure she was screaming, but she wasn’t there in her head. She was above her own body, and she was in her own arm. She was among the worms, slowly but surely stitching her flesh back together. 

Minute after agonizing minute passed, and Shauna’s screams had lessened to groans and whimpers. Finally, she felt Lottie’s mana recede away from the top layer of her skin. 

Letting out a deep breath, Shauna peeked her eyes open. The once soothing balm around her arm was now cracked and dehydrated. Lottie loosened her grasp around Shauna’s bicep, and slid her hands down Shauna’s arm. The poultice and balm crumbled away, revealing the healed, raw skin underneath. 

Misty was transfixed on the process while Nat looked mildly perturbed. Shauna could just barely see Van, Tai, and Laura Lee over Lottie’s shoulder, but they seemed to be in the same state they had been in before. Laura Lee’s healing was a lot less jarring than Lottie’s, so hopefully Van was having a better time with things.

A handful of snow replaced the balm, as Lottie cleaned off the area, giving Shauna a jolt. It did feel nice, though, and soothed the dull ache in her arm. 

After a few more moments, Lottie sat back on her heels with a sigh. She motioned to Shauna’s arm. “How does it feel?” 

 With a grunt, Shauna sat herself up from her reclined position against the dire wolf body. She gingerly lifted her right arm, relieved to do even that much. One by one, she wiggled each finger, then curled them all into a fist. She rotated her shoulder with her arm raised. 

“Itchy.” She finally mumbled. Lottie looked unimpressed. “Thank you.” She added as an afterthought. 

“I’m gonna go check in with Laura Lee.” Lottie pushed herself to her feet and stumbled, her knees buckling slightly. Nat smoothly slipped under her arm, keeping her upright.

“I gotcha….c’mon let’s go.” Nat led Lottie over to the trio still laying in the snow. 

That left just Shauna…and Misty. Misty, who was staring intensely at Shauna, practically imploring her to speak first. But that look only ever worked on her for one person, and it certainly wasn’t Misty. Shauna scratched at her arm, even though she knew Lottie would scold her and smack her hand away if she saw. 

Leaning back once more against the direwolf, Shauna tilted her head back. Snowflakes gently drifted down from the sky, freckling Shauna’s hair and skin. It was such an intense juxtaposition to the bloodshed and chaos mere moments before that she couldn’t help but huff out a laugh. 

It was still the middle of the night—hours to go before dawn, but Shauna already knew they would probably take most of the day to recover. She didn’t even know the state Van was in, but definitely worse than her. 

“Is your arm feeling well enough to butcher?” Misty’s voice shattered the peaceful moment. “We have all of this meat now, and it’d be a shame for it to go to waste...” 

Shauna strongly considered pushing through any residual pain for a moment before she decided it definitely wasn’t worth it. As far as she knew, there was nothing inside of a dire wolf that could be used to possibly poison or drug them, so Misty could tear away at the carcasses as much as she pleased. Reaching down, Shauna unsheathed her knife and deftly flipped it around in her hand, holding it out to Misty handle first. 

“Knock yourself out.” Seriously , Shauna thought. Misty grabbed the knife with a grin, nodded, and wandered over to the direwolf that had been attacking her and Nat. Shauna hoped she hadn’t made a mistake, but she was honestly too tired to care. 

Her eyelids grew heavy and her head started to drop against her chest. She could afford to rest for a few moments.

Shauna startled awake as a body jostled her own. She sat up, pulling away from the dire wolf, and blindly thrusted her arm out toward the other body. A palm caught the, frankly, pathetic attempt at an attack. 

Tai lowered Shauna’s arm back down. “I guess you’re feeling better now.” 

It took a few moments before her brain caught up with what was happening. She squinted against the bright sun reflecting off of the snow. She had definitely rested for longer than she planned.  

“Yeah,” she answered before she actually took stock of herself. As an afterthought she raised her arm and winced—not because of the pain, but because of the excruciating need to scratch. “How’s Van?” She asked to get her attention off of it. 

“It was a close one—she’s recovering. They both are. Laura Lee passed out as soon as she finished healing. We might have to take a few days.”

A part of Shauna wanted to disagree—wanted to keep pushing in instead—they only had so much time. The larger part managed to wrangle those thoughts in her head, and agree the smart and responsible thing would be to take a few days. It just sucked that it had to be on this level. She guessed they were lucky food had come to them. She nodded her approval, though she was sure Tai wasn’t asking for permission. 

“I’ve never seen you like that before…you’re usually so cool under pressure.” Shauna commented as nonchalantly as she could manage.

Tai sighed and shot Shauna a look that said I know what you’re doing . “Yeah, well, Van is…Van is important.”

“You’ve never mentioned them before.” 

Tai just raised her eyebrow, challengingly, and Shauna immediately raised her hands placatingly, recognizing the hypocrisy.

“…we used to be in a party together.” Tai began. “Things were going well—we were getting jobs and we’re pretty successful. Van and I got closer. We started hanging out more and then we started hooking up. Things got…complicated. The rest of the party was very against any inter-party relationships; they made things messy and created liabilities. Van wanted to try making things work. I…” Tai looked down at her lap, fiddling with her fingers. “I didn’t want to get distracted. Distractions cause…” Tai trailed off and looked over to where Van was lying in the snow. 

“So I left—told them it would just lead to trouble, joined the mercenaries, and you know the rest.” Shauna placed her hand on Tai’s shoulder and gave it a grounding, supportive squeeze. She could absolutely empathize with Tai here more than she ever thought she would be able to. Maybe Tai actually would be able to understand.

“Was this your first time seeing her since then?…You both seemed to take it very well.” Much better than she and Jackie , Shauna thought, but that went unspoken. 

Tai chewed on the inside of her cheek, then—delayed—shook her head. “Van split from the party too—started to do some freelance stuff. Once we joined the guild and actually stayed around the Wilderness, we accidentally bumped into each other one night at a tavern. We hashed it out a bit, then talked…then did some less talking.” Tai smirked suggestively and Shauna snorted, before elbowing her. 

“I don’t even know what we are right now, but it was— is— good. Right up until the second we’re in a party together again and I get distracted…then this .” Her fists clenched tightly against her knees. 

“You weren't distracted; we were all exhausted, Tai. We all fell asleep last night.”

“No offense, Shauna, but you’re hardly present enough right now to tell if I’m distracted or not.” Tai crossed her arms, her hackles raised. “Seriously—what has been going on with you?” 

A lot. Shauna agreed she maybe hadn’t been the most present, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t noticing things. She noticed the differences in Tai, but she didn’t think Tai was distracted. She just looked…happy. Relaxed, even. 

“Don’t change the subject—we can talk about me later.” Tai rolled her eyes at Shauna’s response and murmured— Typical— under her breath. “Sure, you could view being in a party with Van as a distraction; I just think that’s wrong.” 

“Oh, you do, do you?” 

“I think you have someone you want to protect, and you’ll do anything to protect them—if anything you’ll be more vigilant.”

“And how did that work out for you ?” The words struck Shauna, her eyes widening and her mouth dropping open. Tai seemed to realize what she had just said, as her face mirrored Shauna’s.

“Shauna—shit. I didn’t mean…” Tai trailed off. Nodding sullenly, Shauna looked down at her lap, the lump in her throat not letting her speak. Tai rubbed at her face with her hands and groaned. “…I shouldn’t have said that. I haven’t slept yet, and with everything—I just—my nerves are kind of fried.”

It was an attempt at an apology. Still probably better than most of Shauna’s. 

“Just because I fucked up,” Shauna’s voice was reedy, pushing past the tightness of her throat, “it doesn’t mean that what happened last night was your fault. You’re the most vigilant person I know. You got to them in time, and Van will be fine.”

Shauna closed her eyes. Jackie was pushing her out of the way. Jackie was clamped in its jaws. Jackie was disappearing down its throat. She shook her head to try and dislodge the images. 

“And admittedly, I don’t know much about Van, but I think she’ll yell at you when she wakes up for even thinking that.” Taking a shaky breath, Shauna reopened her eyes. Tai looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she just gave Shauna a rueful smile.

“Yeah, she probably will.” 

At that moment, Misty suddenly appeared with two helpings of food in hand. “I went ahead and made breakfast since everyone is still recovering or otherwise preoccupied!” 

Shauna and Tai both accepted the food, and Misty hovered awkwardly for a moment with an expecting grin on her face. They both immediately dug into the food, and Misty deflated, turning with a grumble to head back to the others. 

“I think she was expecting a ‘thank you’,” Tai murmured between bites. 

“Tough luck—spent up my daily amount of gratitude already.” Shauna ripped into the meat with her teeth, shredding it apart. 

After eating, Tai went to sleep—on her actual bedroll, but not before Lottie prestidigitated all of the blood and gore that they had just been sitting with for hours, off of them. 

Shauna finally forced herself to stand, her muscles screaming in the process, but it had to be done. She scratched at her bicep. Lottie glared. She made her way over to her, where Van and Laura Lee were still lying unconscious. 

“I’ll keep watch,” Shauna murmured, “you should get some rest.” 

The others had already done so, trying to catch up on the sleep they had lost and recover from the unexpected battle, but Lottie sat vigil above Laura Lee. 

“You feel it too, right?” Lottie asked instead, looking up at Shauna with searching eyes.

“Feel what?”

“The hunger.” The hairs on Shauna’s neck stood on end. 

“We’re all hungry, Lott.” Lottie matched her gaze for a long moment before she scanned their surroundings. 

“We are.” She agreed, but there was a weight to her words. A resignation…a fear.

“Go get some sleep. Laura Lee wouldn’t want you passing out over her.” Lottie smiled with just the quirk of a lip and nodded. She got up and retreated to her bed roll while Shauna took up her post. 

“You better stop scratching your arm…unless you want another healing session,” were Lottie’s parting words of warning.

With that, everyone else was off to sleep under the midday sun. Shauna looked out across the snow with only the wind and the sounds of deep breathing filling the silence. 

Eventually, a muffled groan caught her attention. Shauna looked down to find Van stirring slightly—their muscles tensing. 

“Hey,” Shauna murmured, placing a hand on Van’s shoulder to preemptively keep them from sitting up. They inhaled sharply and their eyes shot open—unfocused. “You’re okay.” Shauna tried to reassure, but she was sure it fell flat. At the very least, the reassurance drew Van’s attention, and their eyes finally focused up at her. 

“That sucked.” Their voice was hoarse. They winced when their face moved as they spoke, stretching the two raw scars that were there now. Shauna had, admittedly, been wondering about them the entire time she had been keeping watch. Laura Lee was a very proficient and diligent healer—she rarely left scars behind, if ever. 

“Now, you can say you’ve cheated death four times.” Shauna offered. 

“Are there scars?” 

Shauna nodded, hesitantly—unsure of how the answer would land. Van closed their eyes.

“She let me keep them.”

“You asked?” That made sense; Laura Lee would always try to follow someone’s wishes. 

“Needed proof that I fist-fought a direwolf…and won.” Van grinned. Shauna just patted their shoulder.

“I should probably wake Tai.” Shauna moved to stand, but Van caught her hand. 

“She okay?” Shauna bobbled her head non-committedly. 

“You should talk,” is all that Shauna offered. 

She stood and walked over to Tai. Crouching down, she nudged Tai awake—it didn’t take much. Her eyes flew open after the first touch. Shauna barely motioned over her shoulder to Van before Tai was up and hurrying over. 

Shauna hung back to give them some privacy as they talked to each other. She was too tired to share her mana with Jackie’s staff, but she still felt its warmth at her back. 

Van went back to sleep shortly after she and Tai talked, and Tai had given her some of the direwolf to eat. She had gladly taken the meat, tearing into it with a vigor only present from victory. 

Laura Lee stirred around lunch, and by that time Misty and Nat were both awake. Misty was futzing around, preparing the meat, while Nat kept watch next to Lottie. Shauna was fighting off sleep—if she slept now she would be up all night and even more tired come morning. Laura Lee waking up gave her something to focus on. 

She walked back over as Laura Lee sat herself up and made sure she was doing okay. She was—she had just exhausted herself. The two sat together and ate—Laura Lee had both breakfast and lunch. She insisted on taking a look at Shauna’s arm. Not that she didn’t just Lottie wholeheartedly; she just wanted to see how it looked. 

It got Laura Lee’s stamp of approval, but she also admonished Shauna about the evidence of scratching around the fresh skin.

The rest of the day was spent resting, and being in and out of consciousness for most of the party. After dinner, Tai insisted on taking first watch. Van had finally been sitting up by then and offered to take it with her, but she was downright refused. 

Nat offered to take the second watch since she was mostly unscathed.

Shauna let them sort it out between themselves as she practically passed out as soon as she hit the bedroll—her body relieved after being awake for the rest of the day. 

Their second morning at this camp passed much more peacefully than the first. Everyone woke at their own time, and there was plenty to eat for breakfast. Shauna had butchered more of the wolves as her morning activity, prepping rations for the journey. Unfortunately they wouldn’t be able to make use of every wolf, but Shauna had no doubt they would feed the dungeon. 

Misty started the curing and storing of the meat as everyone ate. Van was actually up and about, which Tai was definitely anxious about if the way she shadowed Van was any indication. Laura Lee was doing her morning prayers—she was looking much more energized—while Lottie talked with Nat nearby. 

Once Shauna finished butchering what she thought they could reasonably take with them, she cleaned her hands off with the snow. With her freshly cleaned hands, she did what she had been unable to do for over a day. The poppies bloomed once more. 

“We should continue on today.” Van’s voice traveled through the camp. 

“You should take at least another day to rest.”

“I’m fine . Just a little tired, but that’s nothing. We need to keep going.” Shauna glanced at the others, trying to gauge their thoughts. She certainly wasn’t going to be the one to convince Van not to overdo it. When she looked at Laura Lee, she found eyes already watching her. Laura Lee took a deep breath and then turned to Van.

“If you’re actually feeling okay, a day of travel shouldn’t be bad. I can maintain a waterwalk for you, so you won’t get manasick on top of everything…walking is good for the healing process—you won’t get as stiff.” Laura Lee explained.

While Shauna knew all those things were true, Shauna also knew that Laura Lee always preferred when people rested completely after an intense healing. She knew that Laura Lee was changing her usual recommendation, and that she was doing it for her. For Jackie. 

Van motioned to Tai with an ‘I told you so’ expression, which Tai did not find amusing. 

“The second you don’t feel well, we stop.” Tai pressed her pointer finger into Van’s chest. Van’s eyes softened and her smug face fell away as she took hold of Tai’s hand. She nodded, bringing the accusing pointer finger up to her mouth, and pressed a kiss there. 

They must’ve worked it out then, Shauna thought.

“Nat,” Tai called out using her no-nonsense voice, which seemed to startle even the unflappable rogue, “you lead, and keep an eye out.”

Nat gave a two fingered salute that was absolutely dripping with sarcasm. “Aye aye.” 

The group set off after a recasting of waterwalk—this time Laura Lee cast it separately for herself and Van, (though Lottie guided her casting). Nat led the group while Tai took up the rear, and Shauna found herself being Laura Lee’s stabilization for the day. She hooked her arm through Shauna’s, and used the time to examine the now completely healed skin of her bicep. 

“Thanks for…doing that. Earlier.” Shauna finished awkwardly. 

“I’m just doing what I can to best help everyone .” Laura Lee left it at that. 

As the day continued on Tai checked in with Van often, whose fondness at the worry became increasingly exacerbated. They seemed to be doing fine, if a little unsteady on their feet, but no more than the other day. 

The tree line appeared fast and seemingly all at once—one moment there was nothing but frozen, snowy lake all around and the next moment there were pines not a mile away. The sudden appearance lifted everyone’s spirits; the walk had been mostly silent aside from Tai checking in and Misty talking about everything and anything. Nat picked up the pace and everyone followed, even Van. 

As they neared the tree line, though, Nat skidded to a halt, her feet continuing to slide forward for a few feet. 

“What is it?” Misty looked around frantically. 

Lottie, however, didn’t stop. She kept going past Nat, who reached out to try and grab her to no avail. Laura Lee followed after, which meant that Shauna did too as they were still joined by the arms. Lottie finally stopped and immediately kneeled on the snow and started digging. It wasn’t until Shauna was close enough to see over Lottie’s shoulder that she saw the boot. 

Gasping, Laura Lee joined Lottie to start digging around the leg that had now been revealed. Shauna looked at the tree line—so close, with the exit just beyond. 

There was a tug at her pants. The rest of the group had joined them in digging, even Van. 

“Melting would make this a lot faster, Shauna.” Laura Lee said almost pointedly. 

Shauna didn’t point out that Lottie could melt snow too and yet she was still digging with her bare hands. She closed her eyes anyway and mumbled an incantation she hadn’t in years, lifting her hands up to her mouth and exhaling warm air onto them. The cloud of condensation hit her palms and wrapped around them; a layer of heat now emanating from them. 

Shauna joined the group on her knees and began easily scooping the snow out from around the body— bodies , Shauna corrected herself as they uncovered more body parts. After following the body up from the boot, Shauna finally uncovered the face, and—she groaned. 

“It’s Mari,” Shauna turned to Tai who was digging up a different body. 

“No wonder she hasn’t been around.” Tai grunted as she dug. 

“Can’t we just leave her for the Corpse Retrievers?” Shauna was even more tempted to make a break for level 5. 

“You’re that cold blooded, eh?” Nat was working on digging up someone with robes that looked…familiar. 

“ You haven’t had a conversation with her.” Shauna helped Lottie drag her from the snow, gritting her teeth. She was about to continue making her case for leaving them for the corpse retrievers when Laura Lee scrambled past them on all fours. 

“Akilah!” Shauna’s head shot over to the robes that had looked familiar— Akilah .

Akilah had gone to school with them, but she was a year or two younger. Shauna didn’t really talk to her too much, but she knew that she and Laura Lee shared many classes—Jackie and Lottie, too. (Aside from general courses, Shauna was often alone since she was the only one of the four beyond proficient in evocation.) 

There goes that plan , Shauna thought as Laura Lee immediately began preparations for a resurrection. As she turned back to talk to Lottie, she was also preparing for a resurrection. Shauna frantically looked back and forth between the two. 

“You can’t resurrect them all.” Shauna was urgent, insistent, begging. If they resurrected four—Shauna glanced at the growing amount of uncovered bodies— six people, they would be exhausted. They likely wouldn’t be able to recover enough mana by resting in the dungeon and would have to return to the surface for greater recovery. All of their progress would be lost, and Jackie would be left digesting . 

They had already wasted too many days. Shauna would drag them from here if she had to. Her hands started to grow hotter, heat waves noticeable against the surrounding cold air. 

Snow suddenly pelted against her, sizzling as it fell against her hands. 

“ Hey ! Cool it.” Nat’s authoritative voice wavered nervously. 

Blinking back to the surroundings she hadn’t noticed had fallen away from her, the rest of the group had stopped to watch her warily as Lottie and Laura Lee started their rituals. 

“Once Akilah is up, she can help the others.” Laura Lee explained as she finished the set up of her ritual. Up . As if she was just asleep—though in a way, wasn’t she?

“Shauna, come help us uncover the others.” Tai’s suggestion was spoken as a command. Still, Shauna’s hands cooled to their previous temperature, and she joined the others, shoulders hiked up to her ears. 

With Shauna’s assistance they uncovered the others in no time and lined them up next to each other. They didn’t look too beaten up, and this close to the fifth level Shauna doubted they died from exhaustion. There were many silent killers in the Wilderness—maybe it had been hypothermia. She didn’t dwell on it. 

Shauna sat off to the side, watching the rituals while Nat draped a blanket pulled from a stray pack across the four other bodies. Misty was using the time to examine the bodies, though Nat kept pushing her away. Van rested next to Shauna, catching their breath. 

“You’re good?” The question was well intended, so Shauna did the kind thing and lied. She nodded, not taking her eyes off of the others. 

Tai came around, tossing the meat that was to be their lunch into their laps, and taking a seat beside them. Thoughtlessly, Shauna brought the meat to her mouth and tore off a bite, intensely watching the progress of the rituals. 

Laura Lee’s was much more standard—just material components, an incantation, and a suffusion of mana. It was probably extremely similar to Akilah’s technique too. 

Lottie’s was a bit more intricate. She had taken Mari—who they had just dug up—and placed her back in the snow. The snow was not as deep, maybe six inches at most. Just enough for cover. Then freshly reburied, she laid her forehead against Mari’s snow covered one. Her hands cradled Mari’s head as she began her incantation. 

Shauna zoned out as their incantations filled her ears; she continued to eat the meat in her hand. 

Akilah twitched suddenly with a gasp, sitting up and grasping her chest. She looked around, confused, until her eyes landed on the lined up bodies. Her eyes finally landed on Shauna—they widened in surprise and recognition before moving on to Lottie and, finally, Laura Lee, who had placed a steadying hand on Akilah’s back. 

“How did you—thank you…it’s good to see you.” Akilah cut herself off. 

“It’s good to see you too,” Laura Lee smiled, bringing Akilah in for a hug. 

“Shauna.” Lottie called, capturing her attention, “I need to borrow your knife.” She held out her hand, waiting. She hadn’t looked up from the buried body. 

Shauna had no need to ask what it was for. She got up and walked the few steps over to Lottie, unsheathing her knife and twirling it around until she was holding the handle out. As soon as the handle made contact with Lottie’s palm, her hand closed around it, and she drew the blade across her other palm. 

Squeezing her freshly cut hand, she gave Shauna her blade back with the other. Her hand hovered above where her forehead had rested, and with the squeeze, blood dropped from the crease of her palm onto the snow. 

The snow seemed to welcome the blood. It absorbed the splatter and funneled it beneath. Lottie finally sat back, and then a few moments later the snow started to shift. 

If Laura Lee’s ritual was classified as a resurrection, Shauna would classify Lottie’s as a rebirth. Lottie aided in the delivery herself, grabbing fingers as they burst through the white powder, dusting the snow from them. She brushed away Mari’s snow covered forehead—a little streak of blood standing out against the white. 

Mari came-to much more slowly than Akilah did. Akilah, who after quickly catching up with Laura Lee and shooting a wary glance to Lottie, started to assess her other party members. 

Finally, Mari had fully uncovered herself and sat up, looking at Lottie reverently as she reached up to wipe her remaining blood away from Mari’s forehead. 

“You might be weak for a few days.” Lottie spoke softly, the exhaustion clear in her voice. Mari nodded and then followed Lottie’s gaze when she turned to Shauna. “We can keep moving in a few more minutes.” 

Mari’s face immediately soured upon spotting Shauna and Tai. “What are you doing here?

“Nothing that concerns you, Mari.” Shauna ground out. 

“ Everything you do is concerning.” Mari scoffed. 

“For the last time—it was an accident .” Tai practically hissed. 

“ Riiight. You just accidentally told me to go down the path with giant spiders.” 

“Yes!” Tai threw her hands up in the air. “We did—They weren’t there the time we went!” 

Mari opened her mouth to retort, but was stopped by Lottie’s hand on her shoulder. “The Wilderness is ever changing. You have to listen before you take any path.” 

Mari nodded, wide-eyed. Shauna barely held back the scoff. Mari was quick to idolize and quick to turn—Shauna wondered how long this one would last. She stood and started gathering her things. 

“We should get moving.” 

“You never answered me. You left ahead of us—and now you have an entirely new party, which means this isn’t guild business.” Mari looked up at Shauna, a prying look in her eyes. 

“You should teleport back to the surface, Mari. Akilah is a great mage, but her mana will be completely depleted after this…You won’t stand a chance on the fifth level.” 

“How do you—“ Mari cut herself off. “You just want to get to the heart of the dungeon before us.” 

“Do whatever you want. I’m just trying to save your lives.” Shauna walked toward where Laura Lee and Akilah were kneeling. 

The others had started packing up their things to get ready. Nat walked over to Lottie, handing her a piece of the direwolf, and holding out a bag for Mari. “It’s not much, but a few hours walk back that way there’s more…should still be good because of the cold.” Nat pointed back toward where their camp had been. 

Akilah had just finished setting up a ritual as Shauna approached. She looked up at Shauna, surprised. Shauna just gave her a nod. 

“Mari isn’t going to listen to me, but you don’t deserve to die because of her stupidity. Go back to the surface. There is a creature on the next level that wiped out half of our party in seconds, and—“ The words caught in her throat. She changed course. “We’re going to take care of it.” 

Akilah searched Shauna’s face before her eyes flicked over her shoulder—recognition filled them when they fell upon the staff. Her eyes bounced between Lottie and Laura Lee, before coming back to Shauna filled with sympathy. Shauna hadn’t known Akilah very well, but she knew she was smart. 

“I’m sorry.” She sounded genuine. Shauna cleared her throat and nodded. 

“Good luck with…” Shauna motioned to her fallen party members, and Akilah smiled a bit ruefully. 

“You too.” 

The group slowly congregated at the edge of the small pit they had dug up. Lottie had to practically peel Mari away from her to join the others, which Nat in particular found amusing. Laura Lee was the last to join, hugging Akilah once more and whispering into her ear. 

“Why don’t you head back up to the 3rd floor with them?” Nat questioned Misty who bounced on her heels, waiting for Laura Lee to finally join them. The bouncing immediately paused, and the seemingly perpetual smile dropped for a second before she just shook her head. 

“I promised I’d help you all get to the fifth level, and this looks to me like it’s still the fourth level.” 

Nat looked around the rest of the group, for a lifeline of what to say. 

“Sure, but the entrance isn’t even an hour away. I’m sure we could—“ Van attempted before Misty interrupted her. 

“I just need to get to the fifth level— okay ?” Her voice was strained and an even higher pitch than usual, which Shauna wouldn’t believe if she wasn’t currently hearing it. Apparently she’d have to keep an even bigger eye on Misty now; she sounded almost as desperate as Shauna did, which meant nothing good. 

“Okay.” Nat and Van both lifted their hands placatingly. 

Finally, Laura Lee joined the group and they continued on, leaving Mari and Akilah with some supplies, a goodbye, and another thinly veiled warning that Mari scoffed at. 

They didn’t recast waterwalk in order to preserve energy, since the entrance was so close. Luckily, the snow really shallowed as soon as they reached the tree line. That final stretch was grueling though, and Shauna’s thighs were burning from walking through the deep snow.

After about an hour, they came to a stop in front of a large tree stump. The stump was split down the front and hollowed out. The bark peeled and rubbed from it—marks of a deer. Steps descended downward, carved from the dirt at the base of the stump. The feeling of being watched, which had lessened since the direwolf attack, returned at full force. 

Shauna could see the eyes on the knots of the tree trunks. She steeled herself, and started down the stairs. 

Chapter Text

It was watching. It was playing with them. It wanted them hungry. The thoughts circled through Shauna’s mind over and over, but she didn’t really know where they originated from. They didn’t feel like they were her own—not at the start; more like a creeping, infringing presence in the back of her mind. Though maybe now she had adopted them, made them into her own.

It had been days . Days of trekking through the dense woods, and they hadn’t even made it back to where their previous camp had been. It hadn’t even taken them a day to reach that clearing the first time around. 

By the end of that first day, whatever pieces of herself Shauna had managed to hold together during the previous days fell apart. She got short with everyone , kept pushing to continue on while everyone had to fight her to stop for breaks. Being this close, but being unable to make any meaningful progression was driving her mad. 

They ran out of the excess direwolf meat they had packed on the third day. They started arguing about it on the fourth. 

“I knew we should have taken more,” Misty crossed her arms. 

“Yeah? Did you want to carry an extra fifty pounds on you through all this?” Nat threw over her shoulder from where she was heading the group. 

“Well—no, but we all could’ve taken a little—“

“Yeah, well, we didn’t really expect to be stuck in this kind of situation, Misty.” 

“Misty’s right,” it sounded like it pained Tai to say that, “we should’ve brought more just in case.”

“I don’t think it helps any of us to dwell on the past.” Lottie offered from the middle of the group. 

“Where’s The Wilderness now, Lott? So much for providing.” Nat scoffed. 

“It’s all around us,” Lottie furrowed her brow, “you just have to know how to listen to it.” 

“We’ll go hunting and find something—we’re not the only things in this massive forest.” Van reassured. 

Shauna brought up the rear of the group for the time being; they rotated throughout the day. The entire time they had been in the forest, she had felt the trees watching them, and she had a sinking feeling that until the dungeon got what it wanted they would be the only things in this massive forest. 

She didn’t voice that thought, though. They would all think she was crazy. Except for Lottie. Even without speaking, Shauna knew Lottie felt it too, knew that she knew more. 

“We just have to keep moving.” Shauna said gruffly, leaving no room for argument.

“If we keep moving at this pace without food we’re going to collapse.” Tai argued. 

“If we stop to hunt now we’ll lose our direction entirely.”

“What direction ?” Nat scoffed. “We’ve been wandering for days in what we think might be the right direction. We could be traveling away from where we need to go.” 

“That’s the only direction we have!”

“We shouldn’t split up right now–” Lottie tried to interject.

“You’re being unreasonable.” Tai ground out.

“Unreasonable!? I’m being unreasonable?”

“Yes, Shauna! You are –you have been this entire time!” Tai threw her arms up in the air. “I’ve been letting it slide, because I know you’re going through a lot,” she softened momentarily, “but I’m not going to just let the rest of us starve because of it.”

“Look around us, Tai!” Shauna motioned to the trees surrounding them. “We’ve been to the fifth level four times–has it ever taken us this long to find that clearing before? Something is going on!” 

Tai hesitated, looking around them and shuffling her feet. 

“If we can’t even find the clearing—how the fuck are you expecting to find game?! Have you seen any tracks in the past four days?” Shauna looked at Tai, receiving nothing other than a flapping mouth, fumbling for a response. She pointed to Nat. “Have you ?” 

Nat clenched her jaw and shook her head. Shauna then turned on Van.

“How about birds? Seen any? Heard any?” Van shook her head, her brow furrowing in thought. “Because I haven’t heard anything— anything— but us since we got to this level. This level is usually teeming with animals and monsters, but I haven’t even seen signs of one .” 

Taking her time to catch her breath and the eyes of everyone in the group, Shauna turned back to Tai. “Maybe I am being unreasonable…but so are you. Right now, there’s nothing even out there to hunt; we all know it. So I’m going to continue on this way.” She pointed in the same direction they had been heading. “You’re welcome to join.”

The silence was broken by the sound of Shauna walking, her boots crunching against the undergrowth. There was only a moment before six other sets of footsteps joined her. 

“At the very least I can conjure berries for us throughout the day,” Lottie offered as they walked. “It won’t be much, but it’ll at least be something.” 

“Just don’t wear yourself out too much.” Laura Lee pleaded.

A rapid series of footfalls signaled Tai’s approach as she jogged slightly to catch up to Shauna. For a few minutes there was nothing between them except the wounds of their footsteps. The tenuous silence was finally broken by Tai sighing; it was tired, weary .

“I shouldn’t have called you unreasonable, but you have been…scattered this entire trip. You aren’t making decisions you usually would, and I’m just looking out for everyone.”

Shauna snorted, “was there supposed to be an apology in there?”

“I’m not going to apologize for doing what I think is right,” Tai bristled, “but…I’m sorry for writing you off. Something… strange—is happening.” 

“I’m also just doing what I think is right.” Shauna fidgeted with the pommel of her sword, keeping her eyes forward. 

She felt Tai’s gaze on the side of her face, and even without looking she knew it was skeptical. More minutes passed in a somewhat tense silence.

“Shauna…” Tai started, gently, “with this delay…I think it’s important that you consider the— possibility— that this might not work out the way you’re…expecting.” 

“We’ll make it in time.” 

“But there still the possibility that we—“

“We’ll make it in time!” Shauna snapped, her voice cracking with emotion. She couldn’t afford to think of any other possibility at the moment. Not if she wanted to keep going. 

“Okay,” Tai relented, squeezing Shauna’s shoulder. 

Shauna knew Tai didn't think they would be able to save Jackie anymore. She had felt the sentiment settle across the group more and more as each day passed. She and Laura Lee seemed to be the only hold outs—even Lottie had started to waver today. Not anything that she vocalized, but Shauna could see it in her face: the sorrow and resignation.

Shaking her head, Shauna continued on her path. She couldn’t dwell on this. They would find Jackie. They would bring her back. 

The rest of the day was much of the same—walking until they were exhausted enough to make Shauna stop and set up camp. Lottie did as she offered and conjured up berries. They were a relief, but overall unsubstantial. They did nothing to banish the gnawing in their stomachs. 

Everyone but those on watch went to sleep almost immediately; the exhaustion was getting to them all, and it wasn’t like there was a dinner to look forward to. Shauna spent her watch tending to Jackie’s staff. The flowers were becoming increasingly difficult to make bloom and increasingly quick to wither. She tried to ignore the implications. 

When Shauna finally lay down to sleep that night after her watch, her dreams were filled with nothing. Not that she didn’t dream—she did. She dreamt of dark, constrictive nothingness, closing in around her. Suffocating her, starving her. It felt like it was eroding her, taking everything away until all that was left was a hollow shell. A gaping maw—twisting, churning , yearning to be filled. 

She just wanted to feel whole again.

------------——————————————

The next morning, it was Shauna’s turn to take the lead as they trudged through the woods. The hunger had taken root within her, a constant, dull craving in her core. It was nothing too bad yet, but it was there at the fringes, making itself at home. 

Their pace had slowed a lot over the past day, and the group walked much further spread out than before. Throughout the past five days, the landscape had appeared alarmingly similar, to the point where Shauna swore she had walked past the same tree innumerable times. The only thing that proved that that wasn’t the case was the fact they hadn’t passed by any of their prior camp sites. 

Still, Shauna had grown wary of the trees and had taken to surveying them. That was how she caught notice of one of the trees off to the side and a bit further into the forest. She immediately changed course toward the sight of anything remotely new and different , and she heard the others question her sudden change of course. She offered no explanation, just continuing on toward the tree. 

It became apparent from about ten feet away what had drawn her to the tree. There, carved into the bark was the symbol. Thinking back to the stone room and to the man in her vision, Shauna unsheathed her knife. The intensity of the watching increased; it felt like the trees were breathing down her neck, egging her on, begging her to continue. 

She hovered the knife above her palm, her grip tightening around the handle. She needed to cut open her palm and bleed for the Wilderness. As the knife lowered, she quickly maneuvered her wrist, slicing delicately across her finger instead of deep into her palm. 

Shauna still hissed in pain at the cut. Blood immediately beaded up at the cut and started dripping down her finger. Not wanting to waste a single drop— where had that thought come from— she placed her hand on the symbol. Her blood soaked into the bark of the tree, and the gazing pressure finally lessened. 

“What is it?” Shauna startled at the sound of Tai behind her. 

“Just some markings…I think we should go this way.” Shauna dropped her hand, blood dripping onto the ground at the movement. 

“That’s a good find, could be a path someone marked for themselves.” Tai patted Shauna’s shoulder as she walked past. 

Everyone followed Tai past Shauna, but Lottie paused, grabbing her bleeding hand that no one else seemed to notice—or at the very least they didn’t comment on. 

“It’s showing us the way out now…we have to keep listening.” Lottie wiped the blood from Shauna’s wrist as it traveled downward in her grasp. Shauna nodded hesitantly. 

Shauna caught up to the group again, not even waiting to see what Lottie did with the blood on her finger. She would probably just wipe it off on the tree or prestidigitate it . As she weaved through the group, her wrist was caught once again, this time by Laura Lee who tutted at the sight of her bleeding finger. 

“When did this happen? You should’ve told me.” Shauna motioned back to the tree. 

“Must’ve caught it on a splinter or something…I didn’t even notice.” 

“Let me heal it—or wrap it at least.” 

“There’s no time,” Shauna shook her head, “I’ll be fine Laura Lee. It’s barely a cut.” Laura Lee looked at the amount of blood warily, but acquiesced, dropping Shauna’s hand. “I’ll let you know if it gets worse.” 

Shauna jogged to the front without waiting for Laura Lee’s response. She tried to do what Lottie said and listen to the Wilderness, but Shauna couldn’t hear anything other than the wind and their own footsteps. While she wasn’t hearing anything, Shauna suddenly felt an intense gaze, just like before. 

“This way,” Shauna said as she moved toward the needling feeling. It once again led her to another tree bearing the symbol; she placed her hand on it as she walked by, not even stopping. 

It continued on like that for what could have been hours. Shauna just followed the feeling of being watched until she found another symbol. The rest of the group tried to question her, but she wouldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop.

Finally, minutes after swiping her hand across yet another symbol, Shauna broke through the trees into a very familiar clearing. She dropped to her knees, a sudden exhaustion hitting her all at once. The rest of the group broke through the tree line at the same time and exclaimed excitedly at the sight of their old things. 

Some of the camp was ransacked, but, by the looks of it, it was animals and not people. Nothing valuable seemed to be missing. Just food. Just food . Shauna rescinded the nothing valuable thought. Her stomach panged. 

“Shit!” Nat tossed her ransacked bag back onto the ground. “All of my rations are gone.” 

“Mine too.” Van called out from the other side of camp.

Tai sat down in front of her bag and dragged a weary, frustrated hand over her face. “Same here.” 

“Everything else is here,” Laura Lee pointed out. 

“Yeah, well, animals don’t really have a use for anything else.” Nat ground out. 

“I don’t think it was animals,” Lottie said but didn’t elaborate.

Shauna started to head to her scattered things before a thought shot through her. She quickly made her way over to where Laura Lee and Lottie were collecting their things. It took little more than a precursory scan for Shauna to find Jackie’s belongings.

She practically collapsed next to the bag and started to sort through it. There was a spellbook, a dagger, various knickknacks (Shauna recognized one from her mother’s house), and some spare robes. Shauna brought the spare robes up to her face and inhaled. She was overcome by Jackie and burrowed her face deeper, the robes absorbing the tears spilling from her face. 

No one said anything about her actions, but Laura Lee rubbed her back soothingly. After a few minutes, Shauna lifted her head with a sniffle. Everyone was sorting through their things and very pointedly not looking at Shauna. Shauna set the robes aside delicately and wiped the remaining tears from her face. 

She reached into the pack once more and grabbed hold of a small coin pouch. Shauna pulled it out and weighed it in her hand. She wondered how much of this was what Shauna had provided to her mother to give to Jackie. She opened the pouch to peer in, and her throat tightened at the sight of what was resting on top. 

She reached in carefully and retrieved a necklace between pinched fingers. It was the necklace she had given Jackie on her thirteenth birthday. A small little heart pendant that had taken her months to save up for by doing little errands around the school and village. Over the years, they had passed it back and forth whenever they needed it most; it let them feel protected and cared for. Jackie had been wearing it during their fight. Shauna was sure it hadn’t made her feel cared for and protected then. Her fist clenched so hard around the necklace that it shook. 

“She never took it off,” Laura Lee offered from beside her. Shauna startled slightly—she had forgotten Laura Lee was there. “For all four years, I never saw her without it…It was only once we saw you again that she did.”

That almost made Shauna start crying again, but she took a deep breath to steady herself. With shaking hands, Shauna unclasped the necklace and put it around her own neck. She smoothed her hand over the pendant, making sure the heart laid right. She would be sure to give it back to Jackie once they saved her. 

“We should discuss our plan going forward,” Tai said from across the camp.

“I’m going to go hunting,” Nat offered as she sorted through her things and prepped her bow. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to split off so close to where we last saw the guardian.” Lottie countered. 

“Do you want us to starve?” Nat tossed her bow down onto her lap, frustrated. Lottie frowned.

“Of course not.” 

“Nat, that thing killed three people in seconds . You alone with a bow? You’ll never stand a chance. We shouldn’t go hunting until we have a plan for encountering it.” Shauna moved closer to the center of camp as she spoke. She had a bad feeling about leaving camp; something was telling her they should stay for now. Nat took a deep breath.

“Fine….What’s the plan?” Nat looked to Tai, Van, and Shauna—the fighters. 

“It’s way too fast to be able to approach in close quarters. We’d be goners before we even got within ten feet.” Van was switching over to their real armor from their replacement armor as they spoke. 

“What do we have in terms of long range?” Tai looked between them all, pausing for a moment longer on Van before landing on Nat. 

“You’re looking at it.” Nat motioned to her bow. 

“And we have magic,” Shauna added. 

“I don’t have much in terms of offensive magic, but I could offer some protection.” Laura Lee offered. 

“It moves too fast for me to reliably land a hit on it.” Shauna murmured to herself in thought. “Lottie,” Shauna looked at the mage, “do you think you could entangle the creature? Hold it still?”

“A creature that large and aggressive?” She hummed in thought, “Briefly. It would probably take a lot out of me, but I could pull it off.”

“I can share my mana with you.” Laura Lee smiled at Lottie, who nodded appreciatively. 

“That’s great,” Tai nodded, “it seems like this should be a two team approach. Lottie and Laura Lee need to go first to ensure the creature, and then the rest of us follow to attack while it’s grappled.” Tai had always been better at strategizing and planning ahead—Shauna’s plans usually devolved into just reacting in the moment—but these people were important to Jackie… and to her.

“They shouldn’t go alone,” Shauna protested. 

“I’ll go,” Nat fidgeted with the bow in her hands. “I can hopefully spot the creature before it spots us, and I’m stealthier than the rest of you.” 

“Hey!” Van affronted dramatically. It was true. Nat was a hunter; she was used to traveling the forest without alerting animals to her presence.

“That’s a good idea,” Tai ignored Van’s exclamation, “so when we split, Nat, Laura Lee, Lottie, and Misty should go ahead—“

“I’m staying with the rest of you.” Misty interrupted, shaking her head and crossing her arms.

“Misty, do you even know how to fight?” Van drew out the question but not maliciously. 

“I’m staying and fighting .” Misty’s fists were clenched so tightly that her entire arm shook.

“Okay,” Tai elongated the word, “so Nat, Laura Lee, and Lottie split off from the rest of us. They entangle the creature to keep it still, and the rest of us move in to fight while it’s restrained. We can each take a leg, immobilize it further, and then go for the body.”  

Shauna nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” 

“Great. We have a plan. Now can we get moving ? I would love to eat today.” Nat braced her hands against her knees and stood. 

Shauna was still tired from the day’s trek, but she nodded and stood. The bad feeling had passed. They were going to find Jackie today . She walked over to the small things she had left behind at this campsite—she had luckily kept most of her things since she had been on watch at the time. Picking through it, she found little worth taking other than her blanket, which she rolled up into her bedroll. The rest could go to whoever else found themselves here next. 

On her way to grab Jackie’s bag, Laura Lee hiked it up over her shoulder. “I’ll carry it.”

“Are you sure?” Shauna fingers twitched, ready to grab hold of the straps. Laura Lee just nodded.

“You need as much freedom of movement as possible. I’m just here to provide support…speaking of: everyone gather around!” Shauna couldn’t help but think about how much she sounded like Jackie in that moment. 

“Uh, we’re already right here.” Van motioned at the group still pretty much circled up in the camp. Nat smacked Van with the back of her hand in Van’s stomach. “Sorry, sorry—continue.” 

“I just wanted to cast something to lessen any damage you may take. It won’t be anything super powerful, but hopefully it’ll help.” Laura Lee moved from person to person, speaking an incantation and placing her hand on their heart. The difference was subtle, but Shauna could feel the mana buzzing in a layer on top of her skin. 

With that, they finally left the camp, reclaiming their belongings, and headed toward where they previously fought the guardian. There was no sign of their previous party members’ bodies; either someone else had made it down to this level and resurrected them, or they were dragged off somewhere else. 

Nat walked amongst the trees marking their battlefield and oscillated between kneeling at the ground, looking at the dirt, and looking up at the trees. She was completely silent in her examination, offering no information, which was driving Shauna slightly mad. Her patience was no longer existent. 

“Can you track it?” The urgency and frustration bled through Shauna’s tone. Nat looked up at her with a glare from where she was kneeling in the dirt.

“Of course I can, the thing is massive. It’s just been a week and a bunch of animals have come through here since then.” Nat stood and brushed off her hands. “Are you going to be able to keep your cool while we hunt it?” 

Shauna opened her mouth to—admittedly—lose her cool, when Tai clamped her hand down on her shoulder. Shauna took a deep breath instead. 

“We’ll be fine.” Tai assured, patting Shauna’s shoulder once more. Nat rolled her eyes but nodded. 

She pointed to the south. “It went this way.” 

The group started to move south, Nat and Shauna taking the lead as Nat pointed out the signs of its path. They continued on its trail for at least an hour before Nat stopped. She glanced around the trees and the ground hurriedly. 

“The trail stopped.” Nat murmured. 

“Well what now?” Shauna could barely contain her voice to a whisper. 

“Let’s just keep going on this path, maybe we’ll pick it up again.” With that, Nat continued on in the same direction they had been following. Logically, Shauna knew it had been a week and the fact that they found any trail at all was a miracle, but she hadn’t thought logically in a week. 

For as many animals that Nat said were around, the forest was eerily quiet around them. It seemed like they were the only ones making any noises. The cracking of branches underfoot were as loud as screams. 

Nat suddenly slapped Shauna’s arm, startling her from her thoughts, and pointed up. There, about twenty feet up the trees was a trail of deer rubbings. The bark torn from the trees, gaping wounds revealing the fibrous flesh underneath. They looked fresh, speckles from the bleeding velvet of the antlers were still red and not an older brown. 

Unsheathing her sword, ready to head right into the action, Shauna started after the trail with Tai, Van, and Misty, following her. Nat, Lottie, and Laura Lee followed the plan and took a less direct path, hoping to remain unnoticed. 

The deer rubbings continued at pretty regular intervals that they followed for several minutes. Shauna was going as fast as she could while still remaining quiet. The forest was so still that it became suffocating; the loudest sound being the beating of her own heart in her ears.

The quiet did offer them one advantage: they heard the struggle before they saw it. Shauna took off at the sound, the others following closely behind. Its appearance was sudden; it blended into the trees. The massive creature writhed as branches and vines wound themselves around it, constricting it. Finally, fully seeing it for the first time, Shauna tried to not hesitate. 

The creature was massive—easily 18 feet tall before the antlers, which were dripping with red and the remains of the torn velvet. It gave the appearance of something having been shredded apart atop them. The body itself was far more elongated than any deer Shauna had ever seen, and at times appeared as if fur shifted to bark then back again. 

A subtle movement caught Shauna’s eye, and she watched as two, slightly longer than human, sized arms extended from the fur on its neck and started gripping and tearing at the vines keeping it contained. She had to suppress a shudder. 

Its beady, yellow eyes finally met Shauna’s wide, brown eyes. Its muzzle curled back like that of a dog, revealing two rows of teeth made for cutting and tearing. Its massive maw opened wide as it bugled in distress and aggression—a high, reedy sound that sounded eerily similar to a girl screaming out in terror. Shauna couldn’t let herself dwell on that thought as she charged forward. The others, following just behind her.

As they approached, it wrenched its antlers free, swinging the massive forms down toward them. The antlers caught Misty, throwing her into a distant tree trunk with a sickening crack of something breaking—Shauna wasn’t sure if it was the tree or Misty. Tai managed to tackle Van out of the way, as Shauna just barely rolled under the swipe. 

She just managed to roll up onto her feet when a hoof planted directly in her shoulder sending her sprawling backward. 

The hands coming from its neck clawed at the vines rapidly, tearing them apart as it stamped its front hooves against the ground and forcing all of its weight against the restraints. The tell-tale sounds of wood splintering filled the air as the creature continued to break through its binds; Lottie wasn’t able to keep up with such little strength. Her mana was draining quickly even with Laura Lee feeding her some mana. 

Still determined to carry out their plan, Tai and Van leapt up and ran toward the creature’s hind legs. Her ears still ringing from the impact, Shauna tried to catch her breath from the wind being knocked out of her. She struggled to sit up, but then breaths came more easily. 

Tai and Van were both hacking away at the back legs— hacking —as if they were dealing with a tree. They were grunting with effort and splinters of wood seemed to be flying away from the creature—not blood and fur like there should be.

Stumbling to her feet, Shauna unsheathed her sword and ran toward the creature’s front leg, ducking another wild swing of its antlers. The branches and vines holding it back continued to creak and snap. They didn’t have much more time to get this under control. 

Shauna swung her sword at the front leg of the creature, and it was like her sword met oak. The skin of the creature shifted to bark around the impact; some kind of natural shielding ability. It would take time and a concentrated effort to do some lasting damage to this thing. Time that they did not have. 

There was another worrying series of snaps and breaks, followed by a concerned yell from Laura Lee. Shauna glanced up—it was going to break free any moment. She chanced a look behind the creature; Tai and Van were making little progress. Not enough that would matter.

“ Fall back !” Shauna ordered as she tried to escape from melee with guardian. Tai and Van were quick to listen, running from the creature’s back legs. 

In that brief moment of the shift of her attention to Tai and Van, it swung its antlers down at her once more. Her body tensed for impact; she wasn’t going to get out of range in time. Her only possible chance would be to roll again. She threw her body toward the ground, more of a fall than anything. She felt the sharp antlers inches from her, the movement of the air signaling their imminent collision—

When a body rushed past her, and it suddenly reared back with a shriek of pain. 

Shauna rolled off to the side and turned back to see Misty standing there; her hand axe embedded into the eye of the creature and a look on her face that Shauna had never seen on her before. It was haunted, dangerous, chilling . It reared back and Misty raised the axe again, doubling down and aiming for the eye again. 

SNAP.

“Shauna!” Laura Lee yelled in warning as the last of the restraints broke during the creature’s flailing in pain. Shauna immediately dove for the trees, desperate for some cover, while Misty was charged. 

Instead of goring her, like Shauna expected, it picked her up with the human arms coming from its neck and started to bring her closer to its body. Shauna rushed to reconvene with the group— sorry, Misty . She ran through the trees, keeping an eye on the guardian at all times. 

An arrow suddenly came shooting out from the trees she was heading toward. The arrow impacted the guardian’s neck, inches from the arms. The creature screeched and the hands dropped Misty; she fell ten feet to the ground and crumpled to a heap. Another arrow shot from the trees toward its neck and the arms…crossed. 

They were… protecting something. 

Finally, the rest of the group came into view, and Shauna wasted no time putting the idea that had just popped into her head in motion. “You three,” she pointed to Tai, Nat, and Van, “keep it distracted. Keep aiming for the neck or face.” 

They followed without hesitation, all needing to trust each other innately in such a dangerous battle like this. Tai and Van ran out to make sure Misty wasn’t further trampled as Nat continued her cover fire, aiming directly for the neck of the creature. 

“We need to fall back,” Shauna called over her shoulder to Lottie and Laura Lee as she moved deeper into the forest while rounding the creature. Lottie was leaning heavily on Laura Lee; her energy largely tapped out, but Shauna knew they could still pull this off. 

Finally, they were sufficiently in the guardians' new blind spot. 

“Shauna, what’s the plan?” Laura Lee looked back toward the rest of the party fighting the guardian, concerned. 

“Lottie can you shoot me onto the guardian’s neck?” 

“What!? Shauna that’s insane—“

“I can do it.” Lottie nodded sluggishly, her breathing deep and controlled. 

“Just get me as close as possible and stay in the blind spot.” Shauna reached out and squeezed Lottie’s bicep supportively. 

“This is a horrible idea,” Laura Lee tried to reason with Shauna, but Shauna was far past reason. 

“It’s the only one I have.” Shauna climbed up onto the nearest sturdy branch, maneuvering herself into a crouching position with her hands wrapped around the branch for stabilization. Lottie placed her hands on the tree while Laura Lee had her hands on Lottie’s shoulders. 

Shauna looked down at the two of them, at two of her best friends, at her family, two more people who had almost always been there for her, and she nodded. They nodded back, grimly, and suddenly Shauna was shooting through the trees on the branch. She unsheathed her knife from her belt as she rapidly approached.

She didn’t think. She acted. She leapt from the tree, her knife clutched tightly in her hand, knowing that if the creature turned toward her at all she would impale herself on those sharp, bleeding antlers. 

Time seemed to speed up instead of slow down as her body slammed into the neck of the creature. Her arms held on tightly as her legs scrambled to find any purchase as the creature swung wildly, trying to shake her. She could feel the hands reaching and pulling for her legs and boots. There was no easy way for her to get close enough to the spot to stab it with the necessary precision. No easy way.

She already knew what she would have to do even before she had Lottie launch her up here. With one steeling breath, she pulled herself higher up the creature’s neck, closer and closer to those lethal jaws. She was certain she heard yelling below her, but the heartbeat in her ears and the breathing of the monster were too loud. 

This would be nothing. She’d basically already done this. It was nothing compared to what Jackie went through. This was nothing compared to what Jackie went through. 

Shauna stuck her leg into the screaming creature’s mouth, and her screams joined its, as canines punctured into her calf and shin—right below the knee. She grit her teeth and let go from the creature’s neck, her leg carrying all of her dangling weight. She could feel it tearing. This was nothing compared to what Jackie went through. 

Dangling upside down she came face to face—face to face . Another face stared at her from beneath the fur and between the arms that were currently wrapping around Shauna, pulling her in. Embracing her. The face was gaunt and eerily human; its expression both vacant and wanting. A mouth perpetually open and looking to feed. 

The arms pulled her closer and Shauna let them, grimacing as her leg muscles stretched taut. The only thing still keeping them together was no doubt Laura Lee’s spell. Only a little more and they’d snap. Closer. Just a little more. Closer . 

There . 

With a butcher’s precision, Shauna drove the knife directly between the dead eyes of the creature’s second face. A duo of dissonant screams rang out—the screaming and bugling of the deer head and the deep, rumbling groaning from the human face. The creature reared back in pain and shook its head. 

Snap. 

Shauna was falling. She was lighter—even as her body crashed back to the ground. 

The creature continued to writhe and scramble, but she couldn’t even bring herself to move out of the way. She just watched. Watched as its hands clawed at the human face, finally wrapping around the hilt of the knife and pulling it free. Blood gushed forth, flowing through the fur and ridges of the bark. The groaning fell silent but the screaming continued as the hands went limp. 

It tried to turn and run, but its legs buckled underneath it. Unable to fight its own gravity, it finally collapsed. The creature’s breathing grew slow and ragged as it bled out fifteen feet away. 

Shauna felt so tired and hazy, but she had to get over there. She had to save Jackie. Rolling onto her stomach, Shauna pushed herself up onto her knee. She went to plant her foot to stand, shifting her weight to push up and immediately fell over to the side. Her leg was asleep—she couldn’t feel it. She struggled onto her knee again.

“Shauna—stop!” A distant, familiar voice shouted. 

She couldn’t stop. Her fingers sank into the dirt as she clenched her fist, watching the pool of blood grow beneath her. Blood? She needed to…needed to…

She looked down at the blood flowing from the jagged, uneven end of her leg. She should stop the bleeding. She lifted one of her hands to reach down and cauterize the wound, but as soon as her hand lifted, she collapsed to the ground. 

------------——————————————

“Come on,” a six-year old Shauna tugged a still crying Jackie from her mother’s arms and toward her bed. Shauna crawled up into bed and then patted the place next to her. Jackie rubbed at her face with her arm and sniffled, before she crawled in next to Shauna. 

Across the room, Shauna’s mother was torn between watching them and rereading the letter Jackie had brought with her. Shauna was getting very good at reading; she wanted to ask her mom if she could read the letter too. That way she could know why Jackie was so upset. 

“What happened?” Shauna quietly asked Jackie as Jackie gripped Shauna’s shirt tightly in her hand. Her sniffling increased and trying to speak just made her hiccup and sob. 

“They…they don’t—they don’t want me anymore.” Jackie sobbed, the words coming out in a painful yell. 

They didn’t want Jackie? That didn’t make sense to Shauna. Jackie was the most important person in the world. She meant everything to Shauna. 

“They said I’m tainted ,” Jackie hiccuped. “What does that mean?” Shauna saw her mom tense in the other room again. 

She tried to think about if she knew what that meant. She thought she had heard the word before. It took her a little bit of pondering, meanwhile Jackie had shifted all the more closer, before she remembered that she had heard the butcher use it. He had said that there was tainted meat that he had to get rid of because it could make people sick. 

Jackie couldn’t be tainted then, because she only ever made Shauna feel better. Shauna frowned. “ They’re tainted. Not you.”

“…really?” Jackie’s voice was so small. Shauna reached up to wipe away the tears from Jackie’s red cheeks. They were red from crying, but Shauna also kept her hand within the much larger red handprint that was hot to the touch. Shauna nodded. 

“They’re bad and you’re good.” Jackie’s sobbing had started to slow, but her body still shook with shuddering breaths. 

“So it’s not my fault?…I wasn’t bad ?” Jackie asked hesitantly. Shauna shook her head. She leaned forward and kissed the red mark on Jackie’s cheek, just like how her mom always did whenever Shauna got hurt. 

“You’re the best . You’re my favorite person in the whole world .” The only other person who came close was her mom. 

“What happens if you don’t want me anymore?” Jackie mumbled. 

“That’s never gonna happen. We’ll be together forever.” 

“Do you promise?” Jackie slid her hand between their faces with her pinky extended. Shauna mirrored the movement, and hooked her pinky tightly against Jackie’s. 

“ I promise .” They both leaned in and kissed the other end of their hands to seal the promise. 

------------——————————————

“Shauna!” 

She jolted awake at the sound of her name and the vigorous shake of her shoulder. Blinking blearily, she tried to gather her bearings. There was a pressure around her knee—she glanced down. Lottie was kneeling at her feet…foot? She was pulling a bandage tight around the end of her leg. 

She could barely make out Tai, Van, and Nat in the distance, hunched over a massive form, but she couldn’t see Laura Lee, Misty, or Jackie anywhere. 

“Where…?” Shauna barely managed to mumble. Her head felt leadened—her tongue, thick in her mouth.

“Got it!” Tai called from across the distance and started running over holding…holding—she was holding Shauna’s leg. 

“I need that.” Shauna’s voice slurred with exhaustion and blood loss as she reached out toward her severed leg in Tai’s arms.

Lottie gently pressed Shauna’s arm down, and she meant to resist it. She did, and she tried to, but her arm just dropped to her side the moment Lottie’s touched hers. Instead, Lottie reached out and took her leg from Tai, looking at it for just a moment before shaking her head. 

“Can I have it back?” 

“It’s not gonna be pretty, Shauna, but yes. Now hold still .” Lottie undid the bandage she had just tied and Shauna belatedly thought that that should probably hurt. Lottie placed Shauna’s severed leg on the ground, lining it up with where it used to be connected. “I’m already tapped out, so this is going to be fast and sharp; the rest of the healing will be up to you.” 

Lottie glanced up at Shauna and she nodded dazedly, trying to follow. Without any ceremony or intricate ritual, Lottie wrapped her hands around the two separate pieces of Shauna, linking them together, and squeezed . 

A scream tore itself from Shauna’s throat as the muscle and tissue rapidly reconnected, the bones fusing together once more. It burned more than when she had cauterized her own arm, but the intense pain was gone as soon as it started. A dull, throbbing was left in its wake, but even so, her head felt clearer. 

Lottie was breathing heavily; she collapsed from her kneeling position, landing on her butt, and Tai steadied her with her hand. 

Shauna glanced down, looking at her newly reattached leg. A deep, jagged scar circled the point where it had been torn off—Lottie had healed it just enough to function, pouring the rest of her mana into Shauna’s recovery. Narrowing her eyes, Shauna concentrated on moving her toes. After a few, tense seconds, she felt a twitch. That was good—the healing would take a long time, but it would happen. 

“Jackie?” Shauna asked, looking up at Tai. 

“Nat and Van are still trying to cut through the hide—I was retrieving your leg. That was an insane plan, by the way.” 

“It was the only way.” Shauna slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, her legs still stretched out in front of her. Reaching down, she traced the new scar with her fingertips, hissing at the tenderness. 

“We could’ve thought of a new plan—“

“There wasn’t time!” Shauna held her hand out toward Tai. “Help me over there so I can look.” Tai looked unsure, but Shauna just thrust her hand out with more emphasis. “ Please , Tai.” 

“Just because I know that if I don’t help you right now, you’ll just drag yourself over there.” Tai grasped Shauna’s hand, pulled her up, and draped her arm across Tai’s shoulder in a single motion. Shauna tried to put her full weight on her leg, but her knee immediately buckled upon doing so. Leaning heavily on Tai, she subtly changed her weight distribution to see how much she could put on her healing leg—it wasn’t much. 

“Lottie,” Shauna called down to the mage who had since fallen onto her back. “ Lottie .”

Her eyes peeked open and she met Shauna’s eyes. “ ‘m fine…go.” She tiredly nodded her head toward the giant corpse of the creature. 

Not needing to be told twice, Shauna limped her way over to the creature’s body with Tai’s help. They passed Laura Lee on the way who was setting Misty’s shoulder back into place. 

The sound of chopping filled the air—Shauna wasn’t sure how she could’ve missed it earlier. Van and Nat both had axes; Van carried Tai’s larger battle axe, while Nat used Misty’s hand axe. They were chopping away at the wooden hide of the creature, trying to access its stomach. 

“I think we’re almost through,” Nat huffed out, taking another swing as she watched their approach. 

Van swung the axe back and down with all of her might, and then—a squelch. She had reached flesh. The axe lifted into the air once more, ready to swing down again.

“Wait!” Shauna held out her hand and Van stopped, loosening her grip so the handle slid through her hands until the axe head rested against them. 

“ What ?” Van asked, wide-eyed and alarmed.

“You might hit her.” Van’s expression immediately softened. “Where’s my knife?” Shauna couldn’t remember what had happened after she had stabbed the creature with it. 

“I grabbed it.” Nat unsheathed the knife and held it out to Shauna, handle first. With Tai’s help, Shauna limped over to the stomach of the creature. A strange mixture of splintered wood, flesh, fur, and blood littered the ground around them. Shauna grabbed the knife from Nat and looked at the opening Van had finally created. 

Bark gave way to sinew and muscle, blood slowly dripping from the wound like sap. The fur on the creature was a greeny brown; its patchiness amongst the bark even made it appear almost like moss. Shauna lifted her arm from around Tai’s shoulders and leaned forward, bracing herself against the creature. 

“Keep using the hand axe to whittle away at the opening…see if you can widen it some more.” Shauna spoke without turning away from the former guardian of the dungeon, lining up her knife to begin cutting through muscle of the underbelly. 

Normally, she would cut laterally—chest to groin—but with the size of the creature and the toughness of its hide that just wasn’t feasible. She’d have to make due with this vertical incision and drag everything out until she found what she needed. The knife sank into the flesh much more easily than the bark, but she still had to saw with it to tear through the muscle. 

Nat continued carefully hacking away around the edges, chipping off more and more of the bark hide and exposing more meat. Shauna’s arm burned with exertion, and she was breathing heavily by the time she finished carving the opening which was nearly as tall as she was. Nat had made enough progress by then that she sliced two perpendicular cuts at the top and bottom of her first.

She dropped her knife on the ground and wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, smearing gore across herself. With no hesitation, she plunged her hands into the incision she had made—just deep enough to take hold. Several curses and a few gags came from around her. 

“We need to peel,” was all she gave in explanation.

“ Fuck, Shauna.” Tai sounded disgusted. Still, a moment later she and Van appeared opposite her and started peeling away the other side. A pair of hands joined her side as Nat helped her tug. 

“This is fucking disgusting.” 

“It really sticks on there, right?” Shauna spoke her thoughts aloud, rhetorically.

“We are not bonding over skinning a corpse.” Nat spoke through gritted teeth. 

“This is mostly muscle, actually.” Shauna finally finished tugging and let out a deep breath. Nat, Tai, and Van all stopped once she did, eager to no longer be touching the meat. They were all quick to wipe their hands off while Shauna practically went elbow deep into the now two foot wide opening.

Her hands grasped ribs first; even if this creature did have the overall same anatomy of a deer it’d still probably take her a few tries to blindly grab the right organ. Beyond the ribs her hands met tissue once more. She tried to get a strong grip on it, digging what little nails she had into the meat and pulling. 

There was a sickening squelching and suctioning sound as viscera rearranged and tried to hold itself together. She pulled until there was a dull almost pop , and then she was falling backward, dragging the creature’s—Shauna thought it was a spleen— 

out on top of her. It was about half her size, but a spleen was good. A spleen meant the stomach was just beyond. Shauna pushed the spleen off of her onto the ground and got to her feet once more. 

She reached back in, but even at her full arm’s length, she could only barely grasp the organ inside. 

She would do what she had to. 

Shauna took a deep breath and forced her head into the chest cavity of the creature, blocking out the sound of the alarmed shouts. Her hands grasped onto tissue and pulled, just as several pairs of hands grabbed onto her back and tugged. Steadily, Shauna was pulled from the carcass, gasping for breath when her head resurfaced, and with her came part of the stomach. 

People were talking to her—yelling at her probably, but she ignored them. She got a better grip on the organ and continued to pull at it until it was mostly out of the body. Slowly and shakily, Shauna bent down to grab her knife. 

“Get Laura Lee.” 

“I’m here.” Laura Lee’s voice came from behind Shauna—she must have come over at some point in all the commotion. Shauna nodded and slid her knife through the stomach; this time the blade glided through the flesh. Immediately stomach acid and contents of past meals spilled onto the ground. The smell was…indescribable. Like the worst bile you had ever smelled in your life, but even worse . Sharper. Usually, Shauna probably would have gagged, but she was far too focused for that. 

There were scraps of fur amidst the bile; a wolf pelt if Shauna had to guess. No sign of Jackie. Shauna sliced the stomach open further and the tissue flapped over to the side, blossoming for her like a flower. She stepped into the stomach, uncaring of the bile against her boots, and swore she could feel each of her steps reflected in her own stomach. A dull, nauseating pressure spread across her gut with each step.

She didn’t think she was even breathing anymore—couldn’t past her heart, now lodged in her throat. Deep within the stomach, closer to the intestines, Shauna finally spotted a lump of clothing. She reached out, tugging at the clothing, uncaring of the tingling in her fingers as flesh met bile, still trying to dissolve what it could. 

There was little resistance. Certainly not the resistance of a body’s worth of weight. The cloth unraveled and Shauna watched as bones spilled out onto her boots—they had been tangled up. A high pitched ringing filled Shauna’s ears. These were Jackie’s robes, but Jackie wasn’t wearing them. 

Jackie would have never disrobed outside; she would get cold. 

Shauna looked down at her feet and the bones littered around them. Tibia . Fibula . Femur . Patella. Ankle. 

She followed the trail. Vertebrae . Ribs . Ulna. They didn’t look like the bones of a wolf, or at least, not all of them did. 

Shauna’s body went rigid as the dread that had been poking in her gut finally settled in its pit. The tension bled out of her all at once as she collapsed to her knees, her eyes never leaving the vacant sockets looking up at her. She reached out, cupping the skull gently in her hands as she lifted it— her— up to eye level. 

“ …Jackie ?” Shauna didn’t even recognize the sound of her own voice; she didn’t even register that she was the one that had spoken. 

“Shauna?” Laura Lee sounded concerned. Laura Lee. Right, she needed help. Jackie needed help. 

Shauna grabbed the robes and as much of Jackie as she could, as carefully and delicately as she could manage. “She needs help!” Shauna called out as she turned and headed back out of the stomach, uncaring that she was covered in bile and blood. 

Shauna emerged from the stomach, cradling the bundle, and she watched as everyone in the group’s faces dropped upon seeing her. She didn’t understand. Why were they just standing there, looking at her when Jackie needed help? 

“Laura Lee—you, you have to help her.” Shauna outstretched the bundle to the steadily crying blonde, covering her mouth with her hand. 

“Shauna…” Tai choked out.

“Why…why aren’t you helping her? She needs to be healed! We—we don’t have time for this!” 

“Shauna,” Laura Lee sobbed out, “there’s nothing I can—there’s not enough—she’s gone .”

Gone? She wasn’t gone. “She’s right here, can’t you feel her? Why can’t you feel her?”

The others in the group avoided looking at her except Tai and Laura Lee, who both looked devastated in different ways. The only person not present was Lottie, who was just now dragging herself over to the group. 

“Shauna, I can’t resurrect her from her bones—regenerating that much flesh is…it’s almost unheard of.” The sobs continued to force their way through Laura Lee. 

Shauna looked down at the bundle, and the words finally shattered through her mind. 

“…maybe you should put the robes down.” Tai suggested cautiously. Shauna shook her head, still staring down at the bones—thinking about everything and nothing at all. 

Bones. These were Jackie’s bones. Jackie had died. Jackie was beyond Laura Lee’s help, but she could still feel her all around her. Shauna would do something. Shauna could do something. 

She knelt to the ground, gently placing the bundle down in the grass. She heard Tai let out a sigh of relief, but ignored it as she started rummaging through her knapsack. She removed the book about the dungeon and placed it off to the side before reaching into her bag once more, taking out another book. A book that she’d had nearly as long as the other, but that no one knew she had. Well, no one except for—Shauna glanced at Jackie. 

The irony wasn’t lost on Shauna that the book that tore them apart was also the one that would bring them back together. She flipped the book open and rapidly riffled through the pages. A hand tightly grasped her wrist, making her stop. 

“Shauna, is this what I think it is?” Laura Lee’s voice was deeply serious. 

“I’m not leaving her—and if you can’t help her then I will.” 

“What is it? Shauna, what are you doing?” Tai approached.

“Forbidden Magic—the ancient runes can’t be anything else.” It was like an electric current ran through the group, everyone but Laura Lee and Lottie jumping up or back. 

“ Dark magic? You can’t!” Tai protested. Shauna opened her mouth to respond, when Lottie beat her to it. 

“It’s not evil—just ancient and powerful.” 

“Those things typically go hand in hand, Lottie.” Nat snapped, obviously uncomfortable. 

“You can all leave if you want, but I’ll die trying before you stop me.” Shauna met each one of their eyes to show her conviction. 

“I’ll help you.” Lottie assured. Both Laura Lee and Nat snapped their heads to look at her, but she just kept Shauna’s gaze and nodded. 

Nat scoffed and threw her hands up. “I want nothing to do with this—I’ll watch the perimeter.” She stormed off. Tai hesitated. 

“I’m gonna join her. Just…be careful. Van?” Tai nodded in the direction Nat stalked off in, but Van shook their head. 

“I’ll stay. Just in case.” Shauna did not want to know what they meant, otherwise she would have to do something about it. Tai looked hesitant to leave them, but she relented and walked after Nat. 

“I’m staying too!” Misty offered, cradling her arm and newly reset shoulder. She looked intrigued and sullen all at the same time. That just left—

Laura Lee stared down at her hand, still gripping Shauna’s wrist tightly. She glanced at Jackie and her brow furrowed, chin trembling with emotion. She released Shauna’s wrist with a shudder and backed away. “I won’t— can’t help…but I won’t stop you from trying.” 

“ Thank you .” Shauna said so sincerely and relieved. Laura Lee crossed her arms, protectively, and nodded—her gaze zoned out and unfocused. 

Shauna resumed her searching through the book until she found the circle and runes she was looking for. Setting the book aside, she peeled the robes open and looked at Lottie. “We’re gonna have to sort through the bones—I think it ate a wolf at some point if the fur I saw was anything to go by.” 

“I’ll sort out all of the canine bones I can find. Wolves typically have 320.” 

“206.” Shauna mumbled for no reason other than to say it. Both she and Lottie knew that humans had 206 bones; it was more of an announcement of determination than anything.

Shauna picked up Jackie’s skull from the robes. Everytime she blinked she could see her hazel eyes. Her light freckles. The slight upturned slope at the end of her nose. The beauty mark just above her jawline. She closed her eyes and released a shaky breath, resting her forehead against Jackie’s for a few moments, feeling her warmth. 

Pulling away, she opened her eyes to empty sockets and gently placed her skull on the ground, away from the ruined robes. She used prestidigitation as she set it down, cleaning the bile from it. “One.” 

She continued to sort through the bones, counting and cleaning as she placed them where they should be. 

She laid down a radius. Twenty-two. 

A scapula. Fifty-seven. 

She had to make several more trips into the stomach, bringing out every single bone she could find. Eventually, she dragged out the intestines as well, just to be sure she wasn’t missing any of the bones. She placed them into a pile between Lottie and her. Lottie was making her own decent progress on a wolf skeleton. Misty watched the progress intensely, occasionally offering her input, while Van and Laura Lee oscillated between looking and looking everywhere but. 

Shauna was most concerned about the vertebrae, metacarpals, metatarsals, and the rest of the hand and foot bones. She had no doubt she would be able to find them; it seemed like the second she touched a bone she knew if it was Jackie’s or not. She was just worried about putting them in the right order. 

There were a few vertebrae she switched around a few times before it finally felt right. Hopefully Jackie wouldn’t return with back problems. One hundred and thirteen. 

The ribs were easy; the ribs of a human were very distinct from those of a wolf. One hundred and thirty seven. 

She didn’t know how much time had passed, too absorbed in her task to care. She only had Jackie’s hands left to go now. Meticulously, she set out the carpals, metacarpals, phalanges, and the many bones that made up the wrist. She placed them one at a time, making sure they were on the correct side before counting them. 

Finally, she had just one bone left. With trembling hands she placed the final phalange; the tip of a pinky finger. Two-hundred and six. She rested her own pinky on top of Jackie’s, briefly and delicately hooking it around. 

Leaning back, Shauna finally noticed that night had fallen. A fire crackled a dozen or so feet away with everyone sitting around it but Lottie. Lottie, who had summoned a small bit of light, and stayed while Shauna puzzled together Jackie’s skeleton. 

“We’ll need a lot of flesh.” Lottie commented, staring down at the skeleton. Shauna glanced at her freshly reattached leg briefly. “We should get carving again.” Lottie nodded toward the creature. Right . They could use the creature. “Misty, could you give us a hand?” 

Misty sprung up at being addressed—Shauna had honestly forgotten she was there. “Of course!” She adjusted her glasses, grabbed Shauna’s knife, and began carving meat from the corpse. 

“You should take some for everyone’s dinner first—I know we’re all hungry.” Misty nodded at Lottie’s suggestion, and Shauna held her tongue. 

Instead, she occupied her time by examining the book again, studying the circle and runes she would need to draw. She leaned away from Jackie’s clean bones and reached her bloodied hand out to grab Jackie’s staff. Using the staff to help, she stood, Lottie watching her warily. 

Misty hurried by, carrying a slab full of meat to the fire for dinner, before she returned to continue her job. Shauna unsheathed her sword; it was surprisingly clean. With a quick and precise slice she opened her palm; her own blood spilling down, mixing with the creature’s blood, mixing with the wolf’s, mixing with Jackie’s. 

She grabbed Jackie’s staff and watched as her blood suffused through it, traveling down the grooves and valleys just as her mana had. Shauna started on the circle, blood forming the shape as she drew it around Jackie’s skeleton. When she circled back around to the top of her head Shauna drew a line to the creature, and then encircled that as well as the growing pile of meat sitting in front of it. 

Once the circles were done, Shauna started on the painstaking task of writing all the runes. Lottie supervised, constantly looking between the book and the runes Shauna was drawing, but she didn’t interrupt. An interruption in the middle of a ritual could lead to instability. When the runes around the creature and Jackie were completed Shauna walked back around to Jackie’s feet, drawing a line out from there and then drawing a circle and runes around herself a few feet away. 

Finally finished with the set up, Shauna took a deep breath. She looked at Lottie who was glancing between the runes and the book, double checking. Shauna saw the hesitancy in her face. “What is it?” 

“I don’t think either of us has enough mana right now to pull this off…I want to modify it; we can draw from the dungeon’s power too.” 

“And you think you can do that?”

“I saw it.” Lottie spoke with certainty, and Shauna found she could do nothing but agree.

With Shauna’s given approval, Lottie cut into her own palm, offering up her blood as she drew a symbol— the symbol . The symbol Shauna had seen and touched; the symbol of the Wilderness. She connected the symbol to the central circle and gave Shauna the go ahead. 

Shauna took a steadying breath and ran her hand through her hair, taking out the hair tie that had been holding her hair back the entire time and smearing streaks of her own blood through the strands. Her hair fell just past her shoulders. 

Slamming the staff into the ground, Shauna released her mana through it, pouring it into the ground. She felt as it met the power of the dungeon, intermingling with it and guiding it toward Jackie. She started the incantation as her blood flowed down to follow the path her mana carved. 

Her body practically vibrated. She swore she could feel the dungeon shifting and moving around her, but she kept her eyes closed and continued to recite the ancient incantation. Her power drained out of her, and then as quickly as the spell started—

It stopped. 

Shauna crashed down onto her knees, falling forward and catching herself with her hands at the last moment. Her arms trembled with exhaustion and her vision blurred—her body desperate to pass out, to recover. Shauna wouldn’t let it. Not yet. 

“Is that…?” Nat spoke up from behind her, but she didn’t look. She couldn’t look behind her, she had a singular focus in front of her. 

She fought against every muscle in her body to lift her head, following the line to the circle. Shauna continued to look up until she saw feet—not bones, not metatarsals. She saw feet covered in blood. Then calves. Then thighs. Then—

Shauna dragged herself, scrambling and crawling , forward until she was kneeling at Jackie’s side. Jackie . She was entirely still and completely covered in blood, a deep red coating, but it was her. “ Jackie… ?” Shauna didn’t think she had taken a breath since finishing the incantation, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t need air like she needed Jackie. 

A gurgling sound escaped from Jackie’s lips and then she coughed, blood spilling out from her throat. 

“Blood is blocking her airway, you have to—“ Laura Lee was talking, but Shauna was already on it. 

She helped turn Jackie onto her side as she continued to hack up blood, gasping in between, trying to fill her new lungs with air they’d been deprived of for so long. The coughing finally stopped after a minute, replaced with long, haggard breaths. 

Jackie’s eyes finally peeled open, looking tired and confused, until hazel finally met brown again. “Sh…auna?” Her voice was hoarse, but the single utterance of Shauna’s name was like permission to breathe again. 

Shauna gasped and collapsed forward, practically tackling Jackie to the ground, but completely wrapping her up in her arms at the same time. “ Jackie!” Shauna sobbed into her, uncaring of how much blood she coated herself with. Her arms were wrapped around Jackie’s middle, holding tightly, as she pressed her ear against Jackie’s sternum. 

Bum-bum . Bum-bum . Bum-bum . It was the most beautiful thing Shauna had ever heard. 

Shauna felt two arms shakily wrap around her and drape themselves across her back, holding her there. “…cold.” Jackie murmured. 

Right . Jackie was in absolutely nothing and covered in blood at night; she was probably freezing. Shauna tried to get up, but she felt the slightest resistance against her back. Jackie didn’t want her to move.

A large blanket was suddenly draped around the both of them as Laura Lee crouched beside them. Her eyes were red and bloodshot, tear tracks carved down her cheeks, but she looked relieved. 

“Laura Lee.” Jackie mumbled as their friend came into her view. 

“I’m so happy to see you.” 

Jackie just hummed an answer. She shifted, looking the other direction, but Shauna didn’t change her position. She kept her ear right above the steady heartbeat. 

“Lottie.” 

“How are you feeling?” Lottie asked from behind Shauna. 

Jackie paused at the question, and then Shauna felt her shrug. 

“She’s still confused.” Shauna mumbled into Jackie’s skin. The arms around her twitched again before squeezing with what strength they had. 

Jackie continued to sort through her thoughts, looking around and naming the people she saw. “Nat…Van.” 

Van gave an awkward greeting, and Nat laughed wetly, seemingly on the verge of either hysterically laughing or crying. 

“…Tai.” Jackie finally said after a long pause, like she had to really think about it. 

“I didn’t expect you to remember me.” Tai sounded genuinely surprised. The arms around Shauna tightened again. 

“I’m Misty!” Misty cheerfully introduced herself when no one did it for her; they were all still shell-shocked by the whole situation. A loud gurgling interrupted Misty as Jackie’s stomach growled. “Oh! This is perfect timing—we were just about to have dinner.”

They were just about to eat the creature that had eaten Jackie. It had almost entirely digested her and made her a part of it, so in a way they were about to eat a part of Jackie too. Shauna nuzzled her cheek further into Jackie’s chest. She’d probably keep that information from Jackie for a while; she doubted Jackie would eat the meat if she knew. 

“Wait,” Lottie said suddenly, “…something shifted.” 

Shauna could hear stumbling behind her and then Laura Lee disappeared from view, rushing over to help. “That way…do you feel it?” 

Did she feel what? All she could feel was Jackie against her; the thrum of her heart, the circulation of her blood, the air filling and exiting her lungs. Shauna thought about all she could feel and then suddenly beneath everything, there was a slight tugging that felt different than everything else. Different because it wasn’t coming from Jackie—it was coming from beyond her. Shauna nodded.

“I do.” 

“Something’s there.” Lottie started off in that direction with Laura Lee’s help, coming back into Shauna’s view. 

“Lottie, are you sure we should be straying right now?” Nat asked, incredulous, as she followed after her. Lottie glanced over her shoulder back at Shauna and Jackie.

“It’s protecting us for now.” And somehow, Shauna could feel that that was true. She tried to shift up onto her knees, but fingers dug into her shirt and back, clutching as tightly as they could. 

“I’m not leaving, Jax. I promise.” Shauna said softly, inches away from Jackie’s heart; separated only by tissue and bone. The grip slackened a bit at the words, and Shauna was able to hover over Jackie on her hands and knees. The distance caused Jackie’s hands to slide up Shauna’s back until they rested delicately against the juncture on both sides of Shauna’s neck.

“Come on, we’ll get you someplace warm.” Shauna caringly wrapped Jackie up in the blanket Laura Lee had placed over them, making sure she was completely wrapped. She ended up dislodging Jackie’s arms in the process—there was little avoiding that, but Jackie slipped a hand out of the blanket to link pinkies with Shauna. 

Shauna shifted off of Jackie and slowly tried to rise. She was immediately helped up by Tai as Van helped Jackie sit up and stand on shaky legs—not unlike those of a baby deer. Their pinkies remained linked between them, but Tai and Van stood on either side of them, supporting their weight. Tai held Jackie’s staff, apparently having picked it up from where Shauna had dropped it after the resurrection.

“We should head to the fire for now—“ Tai started before Nat came hurrying back to them. 

“A cabin! Lottie found a cabin!” Nat exclaimed as she went to the fire to start packing up their things. Misty immediately started helping, gathering their belongings. 

“Random cabin in the woods it is.” Tai sighed. 

“I don’t know about you, but I would love actual beds right now.” Van said as she took most of Jackie’s weight. 

The walk in the direction Nat came from started off slow. Jackie needed time to find her footing, and Shauna was simply exhausted. As they continued to walk, Jackie actually started to pick up her pace, carrying more and more of her own weight until Shauna was the slower one. 

The feeling of being watched intensified with each step until the cabin came into view. It was extremely familiar to Shauna, and as Lottie walked out of the cabin, for just a moment, Shauna could convince herself it was the man she saw in her vision instead. A quick blink cleared that sight away. 

“We got a bath ready for you both. We can bring food to you, but you both are in desperate need of a wash.” 

Jackie had been silent the entire walk, as had Shauna, but she snorted at the comment. 

Tai and Van helped them up the stairs, though Jackie hardly needed any help at all anymore. They entered the cabin and again, Shauna came face to face with the same layout as the cabin from her vision, down to the antlers over the mantle. 

It was eerie, watching Laura Lee clean off the same table she had last seen the family sitting at. The cabin no longer had any of the warmth it did during that last vision; it was hollow and yearning, crying out with each step on the wooden floorboards. 

Tai and Van brought them to the side room Lottie motioned to, which had been repurposed with a small tin bath for the moment. Tai and Van both paused awkwardly, just steadying Jackie and Shauna. 

“We’ll be okay.” Shauna freed them from their obligation, and they only hesitated for a moment before slowly removing their support. 

“Thank you.” Jackie’s voice sounded steadier, but it was still hoarser than usual. 

“We’ll check in later if you need.” Van offered before heading out. 

“ Please clean yourself. You look and smell worse than Jackie, and she’s literally covered in blood.” Tai patted Shauna on the shoulder before grimacing at the feeling. She dipped her hand in a bucket of water placed off to the side and then wiped her hand clean on her thigh. Shauna rolled her eyes at the action. Sure, she was filthy, but that was a bit of an exaggeration. With a teasing smile, Tai left the room, closing the door behind her.

And then Jackie and Shauna were alone together in a room for the first time in four years.  

She went to grab the bucket off to the side to wipe some of the gunk off before getting into the bath, but she was met with resistance. She had completely forgotten that she and Jackie’s pinkies were still linked. She stared at the connection, briefly loosening her hold only to be met by Jackie curling her pinky tighter. Shauna smiled. 

“Come on, let’s wipe off.” She tugged Jackie toward the bucket, and she followed willingly. 

With her free hand, Shauna grabbed a rag, dunked it in the bucket, and started to wipe the blood off of the hand she was connected to. Shauna worked her way up the arm, and Jackie watched intently. Eventually, when she got up to Jackie’s shoulder, Jackie just let the blanket drop. 

Shauna dunked the cloth back into the water with a shuddering breath, squeezing it out before continuing on her task. In order to properly wipe down Jackie’s face though, Shauna needed her other hand. She was unwilling to tug her hand away just yet, so she just reached up to cradle Jackie’s jaw and let Jackie decide what to do.

As Shauna held Jackie’s jaw and started to tenderly wipe the blood from her face, Jackie closed her eyes. Shauna tilted Jackie’s head as necessary and Jackie went willingly. Eventually, she released her hold on Shauna’s finger—to Shauna’s brief disappointment—before covering Shauna’s hand with her own. She leaned into the contact, pushing Shauna’s hand up into her jaw as she pushed back down, like she was trying to fuse Shauna’s hand in that position. 

While passing the cloth along the bottom of Jackie’s chin, she wiped away the blood and revealed a mark familiar to her in only her dreams. It was a small scar, barely half an inch, but it was something unknown to Shauna. She rubbed her thumb against it. “When did this happen?” 

She was sure her frown was showing on her face. Jackie looked dazed for a moment before comprehension dawned on her. “Three years ago….stair trap.” 

Shauna nodded slowly, still looking at the scar. She leaned in and gently pressed her lips against it. After a moment she leaned back and continued on her task. Jackie said nothing, but her breath caught.

Shauna finished wiping the majority of the blood from Jackie as quickly as she could. She tried not to linger anywhere for too long, wanting Jackie to have a proper bath and meal as soon as possible. 

“You can get in first while I wipe myself off, Jax.” Shauna nodded toward the tin basin. She began taking off her armor and clothes, which would definitely need a wash—or maybe she would just burn them. Her pants were definitely a lost cause; an entire leg had been ripped off of them, so they were half shorts. She went to grab the cloth again, but Jackie beat her to it. 

“I’ll do it.” Her tone brokered no argument—not that Shauna particularly wanted to—and Jackie began to clean the blood and bile off of Shauna. Goosebumps followed the cloth’s trail, pimpling her skin as she suppressed the urge to shiver. 

The cloth traveled up and down her biceps several times—more than the rest of her arm—before Jackie continued on. Jackie worked intently, but she didn’t seem to be in a rush. When she got to Shauna’s chest she paused; her hand placed directly over Shauna’s heart where a necklace rested over a jagged scar. Shauna was sure she could feel her rapid heartbeat as she traced her pointer finger against the necklace and then the scar. Shauna’s breath hitched and Jackie looked at her with a tilted head and a raised eyebrow. 

“Living Armor.” Shauna supplied. Jackie leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss there, right at the top of Shauna’s breast, right where the necklace landed. Jackie didn’t ask how Shauna had gotten the necklace, nor did she ask for it back.  

Jackie trailed her hand and the cloth down Shaun’s sternum to her stomach, tracing the three claw marks across her abdomen. Shauna’s muscles tightened involuntarily at the action as her entire body clenched. 

“Harpies.” 

Kneeling, Jackie wiped down Shauna’s legs. Shauna hissed when the cloth passed over the large scar on her leg—the new skin still tender. Jackie ripped the cloth away and looked up at Shauna in concern. “…The Guardian of the Wilderness.” 

Shauna reached her hand down and Jackie took it without hesitation, letting Shauna help her up before they both slipped into the tub. 

It was a tight squeeze; they sat on either end, and their knees knocked together. It wasn’t anything new to them though—they had bathed together for most of their lives. Whether it was back home with Shauna’s mom helping them wash or in the communal baths at school. 

The warmth of the bath eased the remaining tension from Shauna and her exhaustion fully caught up with her. She leaned her head back against the lip of the basin, but fought against the weight of her eyelids—unwilling to let Jackie out of her sight still. Jackie was watching Shauna right back, but she had sunk into the tub up to her chin. 

“You look tired.” She rasped. Shauna huffed a laugh—of course she would look worse for wear than the person who was literally dead an hour ago. 

“I’m just out of mana; I’ll be fine by the morning.”’

“You were hurt.”

“I’ve had worse.” Nothing could hurt Shauna more than losing Jackie. All the injuries she received while getting her back would be worth it any day. 

Jackie shifted under the water, and Shauna felt her fingers searching, until they grabbed Shauna’s hand. Jackie raised their hands out of the water; there was a gentle sloshing as the water dripped back down. She flipped Shauna’s hand over, revealing the deep gash across her palm from the ritual. Jackie traced her finger around the wound before she clasped her palm to Shauna’s. 

A warm, familiar tingling suddenly filled Shauna, seeping up into her from her hand. She wrenched her hand away. “Jackie, you can’t—you need to rest.” 

It was too late. A quick glance down at her hand showed the cut had disappeared from her hand and appeared on Jackie’s. “I feel fine…better than fine, actually,” Jackie murmured and watched her palm as the cut almost immediately closed. “I feel like my mana is overflowing.”

Jackie reached back into the water and grasped Shauna’s leg. There was not enough room in the tub to move her leg anywhere, and she didn’t want to kick

Jackie, so Shauna had no choice but to let Jackie heal her. The intense itching and tingling sensation disappeared all at once, and Shauna was sure the scar would be gone when they got out of the tub. 

Silence descended upon them, and Shauna felt Jackie’s mana settle into her, keeping that deep exhaustion at bay. 

“I’ve been trying to make sense of things—everything’s so…muddled, still. I died…didn’t I?” Jackie held Shauna’s eyes intently. Shauna just stared back, unsure of what to do. “And those runes…Shauna, tell me you didn’t.” 

Shauna straightened her shoulders, still meeting Jackie’s gaze. “I did what I had to.” 

There was a pause. And then a wave of water crashed into Shauna’s face as Jackie splashed her. “Are you stupid—do you know how dangerous that could have been!?” 

Shauna sputtered and wiped the water from her face, incredulous. Jackie was mad at her for saving her life ? Her brow furrowed as she set her jaw, a familiar anger igniting within. “What—you don’t appreciate me making a decision for the both of us?”

Jackie practically pulled at her hair as she ran her hand through it. “That is not what this is about.” Shauna scoffed. “You could’ve been seriously hurt, Shauna ! You have no idea what the price of that type of magic could be—“

“You were gone !” The words tore from Shauna’s throat, raw, loud, and thick. Jackie softened slightly. “What was I supposed to do?” Shauna spoke quietly, the fight leaving her—her eyes rimmed red, tears brimming over. 

“I don’t…I don’t know.” Jackie reached across the small gap between them and cupped Shauna’s cheek. 

“Wouldn’t you do the same for me?” Shauna leaned into Jackie’s hand, her eyes fluttering shut. She felt Jackie’s thumb tracing along her cheek bone. 

“I would die for you.” Jackie said softly, matter-of-fact. She already had. 

“I’m still mad about that.” Shauna grumbled.

“I’m still mad about a lot of things…but for tonight can we just be okay ?” Jackie practically begged. Shauna peeked her eyes open, and once again met Jackie’s; they were pleading .

Shauna knew they had so much to talk about and work through, but she knew that would only lead to more arguments and fighting. Right now she just wanted Jackie; she wanted to forget about the past four years and allow herself to believe everything was okay. She nodded.

“Come here,” Jackie slid her hand down from Shauna’s face and tugged at her shoulder, pulling her toward her. With a lot of sloshing water and tight maneuvering, Shauna managed to turn around and slotted herself between Jackie’s knees. It was a tight fit, but she managed it by laying on her side, leaning back against her. She tucked her face into the crook of Jackie’s neck as Jackie wrapped her up in her arms. Jackie turned her face so that her cheek was resting against Shauna’s head. 

“I missed you.” Jackie spoke softly; Shauna could feel the words as she spoke them against her head. Shauna slipped her arms around Jackie’s middle and squeezed , desperate to eliminate any space between them. 

“I missed you .” Shauna burrowed her face further into Jackie’s neck and spoke into her skin, making sure to punctuate the sentence with a blatant press of her lips against Jackie’s pulse point. She could feel Jackie’s heartbeat beating against her lips—she suddenly wanted to sink her teeth down into her. She didn’t, but she was just. So. Hungry . 

Jackie scratching at her scalp brought her back and distracted her. “Now let’s see what we can do with this hair. It is seriously a mess right now, Shippy.” 

“Yours is hardly better,” Shauna said a bit petulantly and defensive, though warmth filled her at the nickname. 

“Yeah, well, I think I have an excuse—I didn’t even have hair an hour ago.” Jackie said quietly, unthinking, as she started the process of detangling the matted mess of Shauna’s shoulder length hair with her fingers. 

Shauna gripped Jackie’s thigh and dug her nails into the expanse of skin provided there. “ Don’t joke about that.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jackie winced, and Shauna lightened her grip. “No more dead jokes from me. I promise.” Jackie sealed the promise with a kiss to Shauna’s temple. She used her hands to pour water onto Shauna’s hair, so the process took longer than it usually would, but neither complained about it.

Finally, Jackie was able to detangle the worst of it; Shauna’s hair was brown once more, though their bath water was tinged pink now. “You cut your hair.” Jackie scratched at the nape of Shauna’s neck gently. 

“You grew yours out.” 

Jackie hummed a non-answer. Shauna shifted, moving to sit up despite Jackie’s hold on her and noise of protest. “Your turn.” 

Shauna returned to her original side of the basin and held her arms open. Jackie practically dove into them, even more water spilling over the side of the tub. Shauna couldn’t help but think of all the times Jackie had done this before in their lives. Ever since they first met at four years old.

Jackie was a burrower. She burrowed and burrowed and burrowed into Shauna until they were one; until Shauna didn’t know where she ended and Jackie began. Until they were so intrinsically linked that they couldn’t exist without each other. 

Shauna used to hate it. She hated her lack of agency, of individuality. She and Jackie were always presented as a unit. JackieandShauna— said in the same breath. She thought she could sever that tie four years ago when the opportunity finally presented itself during their fight, but Shauna soon learned that the distance just highlighted how linked they truly were. 

So Shauna would accept the burrowing—would cherish the burrowing, because the other half of her body had finally returned to her. Jackie rested her ear right against Shauna’s heart and the jagged scar that marked her first death. 

Shauna quietly and methodically washed Jackie’s hair; it was much easier than Shauna’s hair despite the length. It was nearly absent of tangles—Shauna had always been a little jealous of Jackie’s silky hair. Mostly, it was just several washes of getting the blood out. 

“I felt it, you know? When you…the first time.” Shauna paused and Jackie nuzzled slightly into the scar. “I wanted to leave the academy immediately—I almost did, but Lottie and Laura Lee stopped me. They promised me that they’d come with, but we had to finish our certifications first. You came back right when I was planning to sneak out—I felt that too. And every other time. You’re too reckless.” Jackie had lifted one hand to tap the pad of her finger against Shauna’s sternum, right on top of the necklace, as she spoke. “Did you…?” Jackie trailed off, leading. 

“Yeah, I did—I could…the entire time.” Shauna’s answer prompted a sigh of almost contentment from Jackie. Shauna had finished washing Jackie’s hair and was now just playing with it, enjoying the closeness. Jackie played lazily with the pendant on the necklace. “Jackie?”

“Hm?” Jackie’s eyes had fallen shut as she leaned into Shauna ministrations. 

“ Promise me you won’t do that again.” Shauna pleaded emphatically.

Slowly, Jackie extracted herself from Shauna’s hold just a bit, just enough to be able to sit up and look Shauna in the eyes. Her gaze was determined and serious. “I will if you will.” 

Shauna’s mouth dropped open and flapped as she fumbled for a response. Dying was just a hazard of her job. She couldn’t guarantee—couldn’t promise that she’d never die again. “I— I can’t , I don’t know what—“

“Then I can’t either.” Jackie said simply, shrugging as she watched Shauna intently. Shauna’s brow furrowed, and her mouth twitched into a scowl. 

“Jackie, it’s a risk of my job, I can’t just—“ Shauna was cut off by Jackie squeezing her cheeks, causing her lips to purse together. 

“We said no arguing. You asked, and I answered. That’s it. The rest can come later.” Shauna’s brow unfurrowed. She was still held in place by Jackie, but the tension that had risen in her body eased away. 

Jackie smiled and tilted Shauna’s head left and right between her palms. Shauna didn’t fight it, letting Jackie guide her face. She switched it up to shaking Shauna’s head back and forth, making herself laugh in the process.

“I’m glad you’re having fun.” The words were distorted and flat as Shauna spoke from her pursed lips. Jackie practically cackled at Shauna’s unamused intonation. A smile worked at the edges of Shauna’s cheeks even in this position. 

“I always have fun with you.” Jackie sighed. A pang shot through Shauna’s heart at the words because they both knew that wasn’t true. Jackie’s smile slowly dropped from her face as she looked at Shauna, a different look coming over her. Her hold on Shauna’s face loosened until she was simply cupping her cheeks.

Hazel eyes flitted around Shauna’s face until they settled on her lips, now relaxed that the pressure was gone. Shauna watched Jackie stare at her lips, and she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in her head. 

She didn’t have to wonder for long.

Jackie leaned in and pressed her lips gently against Shauna’s.

There were no fireworks—it was no big, world altering revelation. It was a quiet piece slotting into place, and Shauna finally felt right . The perpetual aching, pulling, and searching for something finally quieted. She and Jackie had always been physically close; it was easier to count the times they weren’t touching each other in one way or another. They had even kissed before, but those had just been pecks. Nothing with this much intention behind it. 

Shauna’s eyes closed as she sighed into the kiss. It was little more than a lazy movement of lips—they were too tired for much else—but it was perfect. Jackie finally pulled away with one final peck before leaning her head against Shauna’s. 

“We’ll work everything out, right?” Jackie’s voice was quiet and tentative, almost like she was afraid to burst this bubble they had wrapped themselves in. 

Shauna nodded, their foreheads sliding together, because there was no other answer than yes . They had to work everything else out because Shauna was not going to give up whatever was blossoming between them.  

“We will.” Shauna leaned forward, connecting their lips once more. “ We will .” She promised, speaking between kisses. Jackie’s hand was resting on Shauna’s shoulder when it started to slide downward. 

Just as Jackie’s fingers were grazing Shauna’s chest a knock sounded against the door. They both paused, but they did not pull away. 

“Is…everything alright?” Laura Lee’s voice drifted through the door cautiously. 

Jackie let out a sigh and dropped her head onto Shauna’s shoulder. Shauna instinctively leaned her cheek against Jackie’s head as she answered.

“We’re fine, Laura Lee.” 

“Okay…dinner is ready and waiting. Do you want me to bring it in to you?”

“We’ll be out soon.” Shauna called out, trying not to let her disappointment show in her voice.

“Okay…we’ll try to keep it warm.” Footsteps retreated from the door after a moment, and Shauna thanked whatever was out there that Laura Lee hadn’t walked in after the knock. Not that she wanted to hide anything in particular; she just could imagine the reaction. Laura Lee and Lottie would be insufferable about it all. 

As if talking about food reminded it, Jackie’s stomach growled again. Shauna felt Jackie move her arms to wrap around her middle under the water. “We should probably head out…you’re going to get pruny.” 

There was a deliberate kiss against her shoulder, and then Jackie leaned back. She braced herself on the edges of the tub and stood; she seemed a little tired still, but much better than earlier. She extended one hand down to Shauna, who accepted and pushed herself up with her other hand on the lip of the basin. 

Shauna looked down at their linked hands, their fingers tangled together. Beyond that she could see that the scar on her leg was gone, as was any lingering pain from standing. There was no sign of the injury transfer on Jackie either. She really wasn’t kidding—her mana must’ve been restored through the resurrection spell as well. 

Maneuvering themselves out of the tub was much easier than maneuvering themselves in to the tub. They both stepped out, hands staying connected to steady each other. Shauna barely eyed her completely soiled clothes—they could probably be prestidigitated, but that was most definitely a tomorrow issue. 

Throwing open her knapsack, Shauna shuffled through a bunch of things before finally reaching her spare clothes stuffed at the bottom. She handed Jackie a shirt, trousers, and some underclothes—she didn’t carry robes on her anymore—and started to put a set on herself. Of course, Laura Lee had some of Jackie’s belongings with her, but Shauna wasn’t going to tell Jackie that quite yet. Seeing Jackie in her clothes gave Shauna a stronger sense of security; that she was real and back and here and not just a figment of Shauna’s imagination. 

From the corner of her eye as she pulled on and tied her trousers, she watched Jackie bring the shirt up to her face and take a deep breath. She held the shirt there for a moment with her eyes closed, then she hurriedly pulled it on. Once finished dressing, she hugged herself once more until Shauna pulled a hand away to hold. 

Slowly, Shauna walked to the door. Jackie’s mana had definitely helped, but mana couldn’t beat back exhaustion. Not to that extent. She padded out of the room barefoot with Jackie trailing right after her, hands still linked. 

Everyone else was sitting around the table and looked toward them when they heard the door open. It filled Shauna with a dreadful sense of deja vu, but that feeling slowly faded at the relieved looks on everyone’s faces. There were two empty chairs positioned right next to each other at the table, so Shauna led them right over to the chairs. Jackie scootched hers closer before sitting down. 

“Here,” Nat pushed two bowls full of meat toward them once they sat down. 

Almost immediately, Shauna scooped the wooden bowl and fork up and started shoveling the meat into her mouth—she was so hungry . She practically moaned after her first bite; it tasted like the richest venison she had ever had. Shauna closed her eyes as she took the next bite and tried to taste Jackie—she swore she could, there at the edges of her tastebuds. 

Slightly startled by her own thoughts and actions, Shauna’s eyes shot open and shot around the table. No one had taken particular notice, lost in their own conversations. Her eyes flicked over to the window behind Tai and Van, instinctively, expecting something , but the window remained empty. 

Jackie picked up the fork and poked at the meat in the bowl a bit. “What is it?” 

“Oh!” Misty piped up from down the table, “it’s actually—“

“Direwolf.” Shauna interrupted hastily. “It’s direwolf…we, uh, ran into some on level four.” 

Shauna took another bite and stared down into her bowl, but she could feel eyes on her, especially Jackie’s. They were piercing into the side of her head, calculating. Thankfully, no one corrected or pointed out her lie, but the silence was telling in and of itself. 

“Yeah, I have them to thank for my fourth near-death experience.” Van piped up, taking the attention, and Shauna looked at her thankfully. Van motioned to the scars left on her face. “Saved these just to prove that I fistfought a direwolf and lived.” She grinned, only further accentuating her scars. 

While Van spoke, Jackie had skewered a piece of meat on her fork and taken a tentative bite. Shauna watched as Jackie swallowed; her eyes tracking the path from Jackie’s mouth down her throat. 

“Kind of glad I wasn’t there for that—no offense…what else did I miss?” Jackie glanced around the group. 

“Let’s see,” Nat raised her hand to start counting off events on her fingers, but her tone already gave trouble, “Shauna almost stabbed a Corpse Retriever, Misty tried to poison us, Lottie, Laura Lee, and Misty farmed on golems, Shauna almost got possessed by a ghost, Shauna almost had her arm torn off by direwolves, pretty sure we got stuck in a time loop, Shauna got her leg bitten off by the thing that ate yo— ah ” Nat rubbed her side where Lottie had just elbowed her.

Jackie’s grip on her hand was bruising, and her eyes were burning into Shauna who had frozen with a forkful of meat halfway to her mouth.

“And you wanted me to promise not to sacrifice myself for you !? I can’t believe you! You—“ Jackie’s face had gone red as her voice rose, but her eyes were still wide with worry. The entire table sat on edge, eyes flicking between Jackie and Shauna.

“We said we wouldn’t argue tonight.” Shauna interrupted, reminding Jackie of her own words. She met Jackie’s wide eyes and squeezed back against the tight grip, her jaw tightly clenched.

Jackie’s mouth flapped open and closed a few times before she stuffed her fork into her mouth, gnashing her teeth against the meat to try and direct her anger somewhere else. “I’m going to be so mad at you tomorrow.” She practically growled out between chewing. 

“Yeah, well, me too.” Shauna spoke as if she had said well, tough shit . She ate the forkful that had been waiting in the air, but tangled their fingers even further. 

“You’re both just… postponing your anger?” Tai questioned, incredulously. 

Jackie and Shauna glanced at each other at the same time before shrugging and nodding. 

“They’ll work through it,” Laura Lee reassured. 

“They always do…eventually.” Lottie mumbled tiredly. 

“It’s just so nice to all be back together,” Laura Lee sighed wistfully. 

“It is.” Shauna said simply and found that she wasn’t lying. 

“I still need to be filled in further on everything.” Placing her fork aside, Jackie pushed the bowl away as she finished.

“Are you sure?” Nat was hesitant given Jackie’s reaction, and Shauna agreed. Jackie learning everything they had gone through would only make her more angry at Shauna the following day. Still, Jackie nodded. 

“I’ll take it from here!” Van clapped their hands together dramatically, drawing the attention of the room. Knowing Van’s proclivity for storytelling and slightly exaggerating certain details, Shauna quickly resigned herself to Jackie’s upcoming wrath. 

They all listened in as Van told the story of their trip so far, everyone piping up occasionally to add in details or clarify something. Misty interrupted to defend herself when they got to the story of how they met, but Van just carried on right over her. 

Of course there were details Van didn’t cover—couldn’t cover. They were things that only Shauna and Lottie knew. Shauna didn’t even know if Laura Lee knew anything about the symbol they had encountered or the visions Shauna had had. She didn’t feel a pressing need to add them to the story though.

Throughout the story, every time danger was mentioned—particularly in connection to Shauna—the grip on her hand tightened. Shauna was sure her fingers would be bruised in the morning, if she wasn’t even more certain that Jackie had already healed them as she squeezed. 

When they got to the fourth level in the story, Shauna yawned. Lottie was already asleep at the table, and everyone else, other than Van and Jackie, was fading fast. It was when Tai’s head dropped forward slightly before she caught herself, trying to rapidly blink sleep away, that Van found a good pausing point. She promised to finish the story over breakfast. Jackie reluctantly agreed. 

There were three beds in the cabin, all barely more than hay cots. Misty had mustered up enough energy to move about the cabin, collecting what extra blankets she could find (not many) to make a makeshift bed on the floor. She rolled her bedroll out on top of the blankets and lied down. “I’ll take the floor,” she paused, “I figure you all wouldn’t let me take a bed anyway.” 

Laura Lee winced at the statement, but no one refuted it. 

“I’ll keep watch,” Nat assured from her spot at the table. Her chair was tilted back and balanced at an angle. “The rest of you claim a bed.” 

“Wake me in a few hours,” Tai spoke through a yawn. Nat nodded. Tai and Van made their way up to the cot in the attic. Shauna had the fleeting thought that that was the eldest’s room. 

“ Lottie ,” Laura Lee whispered as she shook the other’s shoulder lightly. Lottie hummed and squinted an eye open. “Let’s go to bed.” Humming again, Lottie pushed her chair back from the table. Laura Lee quickly supported her as she swayed upon standing. Lottie looked around the room as she and Laura Lee crossed it to one of the two doors in the cabin ( the young ones’ room , Shauna’s brain provided). 

“It’s hungry again…”Lottie mumbled before the door to the room shut behind them. 

With everyone else gone, Shauna turned to Jackie who had already been watching her. “We should probably…” Shauna trailed off and motioned back to the room where they bathed. 

“Yeah,” Jackie sounded as reluctant as she did for their peace to end. Still, she stood from the chair and headed back to the room. Nat looked between them curiously, but Shauna ignored her. 

On her way to the bedroom, Shauna paused, and instinctively grabbed Jackie’s staff from where it was resting against one of the walls of the cabin. 

“Shauna,” Jackie had paused at the door, waiting for Shauna, and now stretched her hand out towards her. With Jackie’s staff in one hand, she accepted the offered hand in her other. 

“Night, you two.” Nat called out from behind them as Jackie pushed open the door. Neither responded, Shauna shutting the door quietly behind them. 

They both stopped once they entered the room; it had changed since the last time they were in it. The basin was no longer in the middle of the room. It was now empty and turned over to rest against the wall, giving a clear path to the bed in the corner. None of the group had entered the room since they had left it. The hairs on the back of Shauna’s neck stood at attention as the feeling of being watched increased the second they entered the windowless room. 

Jackie stood just in front of Shauna, tense and unmoving. Shauna squeezed her hand, and Jackie shook her head, pulling herself out of whatever thoughts she was having. 

“I feel it too. I think the dungeon is watching us.” Shauna moved forward and passed Jackie, leading her to the bed. 

“Why?” Jackie asked as Shauna sat down on the mattress. She looked up at Jackie and shrugged. 

“I don’t know.” And it wasn’t technically a lie. Sure, Shauna had some thoughts, but she didn’t need to share them and cause concern when there was no need.

The look that Jackie gave her was calculating, but in the end she just nodded. Stepping even closer to Shauna, practically standing between her legs, Jackie cupped her cheek with her free hand. Shauna just continued to stare up at Jackie and feel her thumb trace patterns against her face. 

“You grabbed Ophelia.” Shauna’s brow furrowed slightly and Jackie’s hand shifted to smooth it out. “My staff.” 

“Oh,” Shauna glanced down at her lap where the staff rested, Jackie’s hand moved to the crown of her head as a result. “Instinct, I guess. I’ve been taking care of it.” 

The hand on top of her head disappeared and the bed dipped as Jackie took a seat next to her. Jackie took a hold of her staff, lying across Shauna’s lap, and gently shifted it over to her own. Shauna watched as deft fingers glided through the grooves just as her own fingers had night after night. Jackie hummed.

“I can feel you.” 

“Sorry,” Shauna knew it was kind of taboo for another mage to handle and use a staff that wasn’t theirs. Not only had Shauna been funneling her own mana into it every night, but she had also used it in an ancient ritual. Even married mages hesitated to borrow or use their spouses’ staff. 

“Don’t be.” Jackie hugged her staff to her briefly before leaning it off to the side against a wall. 

“Jax,” Shauna whispered, her tone immediately drawing Jackie’s attention. “I don’t want to go to sleep.” 

Turning towards Shauna so that one of her legs was bent on the bed, Jackie placed her free hand on Shauna’s thigh. “We can’t put off these conversations, Shauna.” 

Shauna shook her head. “I know. It’s just… what if this isn’t real? ” Shauna whispered the last part, afraid to voice it aloud lest it come true. “I’m scared that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.” 

Shauna was so focused on the hand on her thigh that she startled slightly when Jackie rested her forehead against Shauna’s shoulder. “I’m scared too,” Jackie admitted into Shauna’s shoulder, her voice muffled by Shauna’s shirt. Jackie kept her face there for a moment before she propped her chin onto Shauna’s shoulder. “But we’ll get through this together…all of it.” 

Leaning her head to the right, Shauna rested their temples together and took a deep breath. “ Oh ,” Shauna reached up to the necklace. “Here.” She moved to unclasp the necklace, but Jackie stayed her hands.

“Keep it for now.” Jackie smoothed her hand over the necklace. 

“Are you sure?” Shauna asked, but was secretly relieved to hold onto it for now. Jackie just hummed in affirmation. 

“Why don’t we have a sleepover like we used to?” Jackie offered. “We’ll stay up talking as long as our bodies will let us and fall asleep together.” 

Shauna nodded her agreement against Jackie’s head.

“Oh wow, it’s been years since I’ve been able to get you to agree to a sleepover while not half-asleep.”

“Yeah well,” Shauna shrugged, “circumstances changed.” She found herself talking around the obvious. 

“I’ll be sure to use these circumstances to my advantage as much as possible.” Shauna could hear Jackie’s smile and groaned at the thought of what she would be asked for in the near future. “Benevolently, of course.” Jackie amended, kissing Shauna’s cheek. 

“Alright, Shipman. Under those covers.” Jackie sat up, separating herself from Shauna, and turned down the thin covers as much as possible. The bed was small and not particularly comfortable, but it was a bed. 

When Shauna didn’t immediately make the move to get under the covers, Jackie started to gently push her further onto the bed. “I’m going.” Shauna swatted playfully back at Jackie’s insistent hands. She slipped her legs beneath the covers and tried to get comfortable. “I think it’ll be a bit of a tight squeeze.” 

Jackie pulled back the other edge of the covers and quickly slipped under them. She maneuvered around until more than half of her body was laying on top of Shauna. “It’s perfect.” 

“I can’t remember the last time we did this.” That wasn’t true. Shauna remembered exactly the last time they shared a bed. 

“You’re lying.” Jackie called her out, mumbling against her collar bone. “Why?” 

“You know why.” 

Jackie shook her head against Shauna, tickling Shauna’s neck with her hair. “I’ve never known you, remember ?” It wasn’t said with malice in that moment, but sorrow and bitterness. Shauna’s breath caught. 

“Sorry, that’s a tomorrow topic.” Jackie let Shauna off the hook, clearing her throat, and slid her hand across Shauna’s abdomen soothingly. 

“It was the night before everything fell apart…I don’t like to think of it.” She was still talking around it. She was still lying. She thought about what happened every day. 

“…most of the time it’s all I can think about.” Jackie admitted softly. 

“We’re pretty bad at not bringing this stuff up, huh?” Shauna said quietly, intending the question to be rhetorical.

“We must both really want to talk about it.” 

The silence hung in the room after Jackie’s statement, her fingers continued to trace patterns across Shauna’s stomach. Shauna rubbed her hand up and down Jackie’s back, lost in thought. Shauna knew Jackie had said they were going to be okay, but a part of Shauna still doubted that, still feared that Jackie hated her for everything that happened. Though, admittedly, all of Jackie’s actions since they had reunited had thrown Shauna for a bit of a loop. She yelled at Shauna, then died for her, then yelled at Shauna for bringing her back, and then—

“Thinking awfully hard there, Shipman.” Jackie’s hand paused its ministrations. 

“You kissed me.” The hand on her stomach twitched then gripped the fabric of her shirt slightly. “Why?” Shauna added when she got no immediate response. 

“Did you not want to?” Jackie finally responded. Shauna continued to rub Jackie’s back, trying to smooth away the tension that had filled her. 

“I didn’t say that.” 

“Did you like it?” Shauna almost laughed at the question— like was not nearly strong enough a descriptor.

“Of course I did,” the tension eased from Jackie, “but what did it mean?” 

“What do you mean , what did it mean?” Jackie popped up onto her elbow to hover over Shauna. In the dim light of the room, Shauna watched Jackie’s eyes roam across her face, searching. Shauna shrugged. Sure, she hoped she knew what it meant, but she could never be sure. Jackie must’ve seen something in her face because she sighed, “ Shauna.” 

“I just…with everything , I just…don’t know what that meant for us. Does that change us?” Shauna managed to put some of her thoughts coherently together. 

Jackie actually thought about it for a moment before answering, “I don’t think so—we’ve always been…us.” She finished simply, but Shauna understood exactly what she meant. 

Shauna’s hand drifted up Jackie’s back until it reached the base of her neck. Gently, Shauna pulled Jackie down toward her, connecting their lips once more. Sighing into the kiss, Shauna scratched at the back of Jackie’s neck. Jackie let out a groan that Shauna immediately swallowed; she could feel the groan move through her body. 

After several minutes, Jackie finally pulled back, keeping Shauna in place against the bed with a hand to her chest. “I really did want to talk tonight.”

Shauna felt like she was getting whiplash at the sudden shift. She tried to calm her panting. “Uh, what did you want to talk about?” 

“Tell me what I missed.” 

Shauna’s brow furrowed. “Van is gonna continue the story in the morning—I’m sure they’d be disappointed if—“ 

“No, what did I miss with you ? What don’t I know?” A loaded question, whether or not Jackie intended it to be that way. “Four years is a lot to catch up on.” 

“Jax, I can’t give you a daily report.” Shauna teased and Jackie pouted at that. “Most of the days blended together…I was just…surviving.” 

“Yeah,” Jackie said with a sigh. She laid her head back down on Shauna’s shoulder. Maybe Shauna should have been more thrown by the abrupt change in mood and actions, but when Jackie set her mind on something there was little to deter her. Apparently even kissing wouldn’t work for too long. Though the fact that it had worked for any amount of time at all was a win in Shauna’s book. She’d take any spare second of kissing that Jackie would give her before they blew up once more.

Jackie’s fingers resumed their tracing across Shauna’s stomach. The motions were soothing until Jackie strayed from her path and would dip a little higher or a little lower, which made Shauna involuntarily tense; her breath stuttering. 

“I was a mercenary for a while,” Shauna started just to do something to direct her focus to, “right after—in the beginning.” 

Jackie’s hand slid all the way across Shauna to wrap around her middle; her fingers slipping under Shauna’s shirt to splay across her waist, before she came to a rest. Shauna’s breath hitched before she let it out shakingly. 

“…we did some not so good things for a lot of people.” 

“We?” Jackie rasped quietly. 

“Tai and I; that’s where we met.” 

“Hm.” Jackie hummed. It was one of her hums where she wanted to act like something didn’t bother her, but it actually did. It was the same hum she did when Shauna first said that she would be taking different classes than Jackie since she was adept at evocation. It was a sound that meant trouble.  

“What?”

“Nothing.” Shauna couldn’t help but roll her eyes while her fingers played with Jackie’s hair. “You just seem close. That’s all.” 

“…we’ve been through a lot together these past four years.” Tai had kept Shauna together, functional, and alive for the past four years despite Shauna’s temper and recklessness in the wake of the fight. 

“Hm.”

“ Jackie ,” Shauna said, exasperated. “Without Tai I probably—no, definitely —wouldn’t be here right now.”

The grip around her waist tightened.

“We look out for each other, and she’s my friend,” Shauna could feel the bruises forming around Jackie’s hold—this time unaccompanied by the feeling of her mana healing it after. She was aiming to leave marks, and Shauna didn’t find herself upset at the thought. “…but she’s not you.”  

“ Oh .” The single word escaped Jackie like her breath. Shauna scratched against Jackie’s scalp. 

“Yeah…turns out you’re pretty irreplaceable.” 

“Well, I could’ve told you that.” Jackie rasped, her voice thick with emotion despite the teasing words. Shauna flicked Jackie’s ear, making Jackie toss her head away in an attempt to shake Shauna’s hand from her hair. She was unsuccessful.

In retaliation, she leaned forward and bit Shauna’s earlobe. Shauna gasped, only slightly from pain or surprise. Jackie didn’t linger though, and settled back down. Shauna cleared her throat. 

“If you’re done being disruptive— I thought you wanted to hear some stories.” Jackie burrowed into Shauna, getting comfortable, making sure the spot she had spent years forming her body into was still there. 

So, Shauna started telling Jackie about what she had been up to during their four years apart, and Jackie listened. For the most part. Occasionally, she would ask a question, or mutter a comment, but for the most part she just quietly listened. 

By the time Shauna’s eyelids grew heavy, she wasn’t even sure if Jackie was still awake. She hadn’t said anything or moved for a few minutes, and Shauna didn’t want to accidentally wake her by asking. Still, Shauna continued talking just in case until she trailed off mid sentence. Her exhaustion was too strong to fight any longer, and she let her eyes close. 

Right before she lost consciousness, she felt a slight pressure against her neck. She swore she heard a quiet, “ Goodnight , Shauna ” , but she was too close to sleep to pull herself back into wakefulness. 

------------——————————————

Something was wrong. Someone was watching her. Someone was missing. 

Shauna’s eyes snapped open. She couldn’t move. Her entire body was filled with tension. The kind of tension you get right before you bolt when something chases after you. She felt ready to snap . 

Her already frazzled brain started to panic when she realized that Jackie wasn’t there. Shauna’s eyes darted around the room. There was no sign of Jackie, but there was a figure standing in the corner of the room, watching . 

Shauna tried to steady her breathing as she locked eyes with the figure. It was definitely tall—at least a foot taller than her—but she couldn’t make out any immediate features. It was cloaked in the shadows of the room; the only thing distinguishable to Shauna were its eyes. They shone in the dim candlelight, reflecting two eerie, green circles toward Shauna. 

“You’ve been here before.” The voice was deep and somewhat familiar. 

Shauna tried to speak, but she couldn’t even open her mouth to form words. 

The figure stepped forward, and the low candle light illuminated a face—it was the man from her vision. He was gaunt, much skinnier than the last time she had seen him. His eyes were sunken into his face and seemed to stare not at her, but through her. His cheek bones jutted out prominently against his sunken cheeks. 

 “You were there…I could feel you when I found…” He trailed off as his eyes drifted to the bed. There was a brief flash of sorrow across his face before it was overcome with hunger .

“Why are you in my house? What do you want?” He slowly approached the bed, his form towering over Shauna who was still stuck laying down. 

Shauna struggled against her locked jaw and desperately tried to clench her fists. Her tongue felt thick, like it was taking up her entire mouth. Shauna forced breath through her mouth in an attempt to get any sound out. A groan echoed in her closed mouth 

Clenching her teeth, Shauna stretched her cheeks with all her might, a painful smile slowly appearing on her face. Her cheeks shook with effort and strain, but her eyes never left the figure looming above her, waiting. 

“…ie,” Shauna forced the sound out through her teeth.

The figure tilted his head. 

“Ja…ie”, was all the Shauna managed to get out, but her fingers gripped at the sheets beside her where Jackie had been when she fell asleep. 

He looked at the spot. “She’s already joined us,” his voice sounded hollow. “I came to bring her back.” 

Reflective green eyes flicked up to bore into her wide, brown eyes. Long, boney fingers entered her line of sight, his index finger with its jagged nail extended toward her. “You’ll join us soon…the winters are always harsh.”

His index finger made contact with Shauna’s forehead, and he scratched into it with his nail. “The Wilderness watches.” 

------------——————————————

Shauna woke abruptly with a yell. Another yell echoed her own from somewhere else in the cabin, but Shauna was too concerned at the moment with the sheets her hands were clenching. They were clenched right where Jackie should be. Right where Jackie wasn’t . 

“ No no no no .” Shauna scrambled out of bed, her legs getting caught in the covers, taking her to the ground. She crawled up from the floor, stumbling into the door jamb. She threw the door open and rushed out into the main cabin. Tai and Misty startled at her appearance; no Jackie. 

“Shauna, what’s going on?” Tai asked, concerned, but Shauna was already throwing the other door open. 

Lottie was sitting up in bed, her head in her hands, speaking in a language Shauna didn’t understand. Laura Lee was wide-eyed, trying to calm the other mage down. No Jackie. 

Without another thought, Shauna stormed out of the cabin, shoulder checking Tai on her way out in her carelessness. The chill hit her immediately; it had started snowing on the fifth level. Shauna looked around desperately at the trees surrounding them from all angles. 

Very faintly, she thought she could make out tiny depressions in the newly fallen snow—footprints. Shauna leapt off the porch, her bare feet pounding through the thin layer of snow as she followed the footsteps. Adrenaline pumped through her veins and thrummed in her ears. She couldn’t hear the voices behind her. She couldn’t hear the wind rushing past her. She could only hear her heartbeat. 

Shauna reached the clearing where they had killed the Guardian just in time to see Jackie collapse to her knees in the congealed blood on the ground and scream out in pain. She grasped at her head as the man from the cabin looked over her, the same vacant look in his eyes. 

Without hesitation Shauna lifted her hand and cast an explosive spell toward the man. Without a staff, it was more unstable, and definitely reckless, but Shauna wasn’t thinking about that in the moment. She wasn’t thinking about anything. 

The beam of mana shot out of Shauna’s hand and sped toward the man, homing in on him. A gnarled hand snapped up, a shocking juxtaposition from the stillness of him, and caught the spell. He stared down at the mana in his hand, his head tilted in interest. 

“Shauna!” Multiple voices called out behind her as she stumbled back slightly at the casual display of power. Pounding footsteps broke through the trees and then immediately came to a stop at the sight in front of them. 

“Who the hell is that ?” Nat fumbled for a weapon. Lottie threw her arm out to stop her.

“ Don’t .” 

The man finally brought the concentrated mana up to his mouth, and then swallowed it. Shauna clenched her fist nervously. The spell that he just ate had enough power to destroy half of the cabin, and he was enjoying it. Savoring it. His eyes were closed and he took a deep breath. 

“Let. Her. Go,” Shauna practically growled. Jackie hadn’t stopped yelling in pain, and Shauna’s entire body was coiled with tension. If she hadn’t watched him just eat her own spell, she would’ve jumped him already. The man hummed in contentment. 

“So warm.” His eyes opened again and he turned to the group, his eyes reflecting in the moonlight. “…it’s in you already, but I have no need for any of you.” His gaze paused on Shauna and then Lottie. “Not now.” 

With barely a flick of his finger and an utterance of a few words, a bolt of energy shot straight at them. Shauna had just enough wherewithal to realize he spoke in the ancient language, and it was instinct that had her yelling out the ancient word for dispel at the incoming attack. The energy met her hand and dissipated into the surroundings, but her hand burned . Any energy she might have regained over the night drained from her.

The man showed no reaction to the dispelling of his spell, though the rest of the group gasped and tensed in preparation for the impact. He simply snapped, and the ground opened up beneath them. 

As the group plummeted, Shauna lost sight of Jackie, still hunched over, but her yells echoed until the ground closed behind them, swallowing them whole.

Chapter Text

Jackie Taylor didn’t think she really became a person until the day she met Shauna Shipman. She didn’t even know who she’d be without Shauna. Every single defining moment of her life had been in connection with Shauna Shipman, never on her own. 

Alone, she was the crying little four year old at the market whose parents forgot to tell her they were leaving after they told her to wait nearby. She was small, sad, forgettable . But then, then there was Shauna . 

Shauna, who sat next to her, grabbed her hand and calmed her down. She told Jackie all about what she and her mom had done that day. She waited with Jackie and talked with her until she felt better. She stayed.  

From that moment on, Jackie never wanted to be without Shauna. She spent every waking moment she could away from her parents and with Shauna. She loved Shauna’s mom too, because she shared all of Shauna’s best qualities. She listened, she cared, and she was warm . 

Jackie had never been in a house so warm before. It was smaller than her own, but she much preferred it. Her house was cavernous…. cold . She was always so cold. Her parents did not radiate warmth; they drained it from around them. She was very careful not to share Shauna’s warmth with them—they would only take it away. 

They never asked where she went—just seemed relieved that she was going. Of course, everyday before she left her mother made sure she understood she had to maintain a certain level of decorum in public. She could not be an embarrassment to the Taylors, otherwise they wouldn’t let her see Shauna anymore. She was especially cautious when she and Shauna went into town with Shauna’s mom. 

Once, Shauna’s mom gave them enough to go to the bakery to buy a pastry each while she grabbed meat from the butcher’s. (Jackie didn’t really like to go to the butcher’s, but Shauna didn’t mind it. She found it interesting.) 

Jackie loved the bakery. When her parents had errands to run in the village, they usually dropped Jackie near the bakery just to keep her occupied. She could spend hours watching the baker work, creating delicious treats and bread alike. Her favorite to watch being made and to eat was the chocolate croissant—it was what she asked for every time she came in. She hadn’t been there with Shauna yet, though. 

When she and Shauna entered the bakery, the bell ringing high above them, the baker looked at the door before her eyes flicked down to land on the two girls. 

“Little Jackie!” Tha baker greeted with a smile. “I haven’t seen you in a while…and who’s this?” 

Jackie tugged Shauna further into the store as she waved to the baker, excited to introduce the two. “This is Shauna. She’s my best friend in the whole world!” Jackie rocked back and forth on her feet. 

The baker nodded and looked at Shauna. “Nice to meet you Shauna…you’re a Shipman, aren’t ya? I’ve seen you here with your mom before.” 

Shauna just nodded quietly as she surveyed the bakery, before her eyes stopped on the single chocolate croissant left on the counter. The two girls continued forward until they stopped right at the counter, peering up at the baker. 

“She’s at the butcher’s,” Jackie answered for Shauna, swinging their hands between them. 

Shauna lifted onto her tiptoes and placed a coin on the table. “May I have a chocolate croissant?” Shauna asked the question precisely as her mother taught her.

“Please!” Jackie tagged on at the end. Mrs. Taylor always got very cross when Jackie forgot to say please. 

“Right to business, huh kid?” The baker laughed. “Unfortunately, I only have one left for the day, would you like anything else?” She slid the croissant across the counter. Shauna’s face brightened at the sight of the croissant before she turned to Jackie. 

Only one ? But they were Jackie’s favorite! Her brow furrowed and her lip began to wobble as a pout formed on her face. The baker’s eyes widened in alarm. She felt too warm; her skin was buzzing. She wanted to cry, to scream—anything to get it out—but she heard her parents’ voices in the back of her head. She couldn’t cause a scene. They would get mad at her, and then she wouldn’t be able to see Shauna. 

A squeeze of her hand drew her attention, and she looked at Shauna, who was watching her with slight confusion. “Are you okay? Which one do you want? Chocolate croissant is my favorite, but I’ll let you have a bite if you want to try it.” 

Jackie took a few deep breaths then nodded. The feeling of everything being too big was still there, but holding Shauna’s hand helped. The baker looked less scared too. Jackie pointed up to a random pastry on the counter. “I’ll have that one, please.” Jackie said quietly. (She didn’t murmur. Her mother didn’t allow murmuring.) 

“One cherry danish, right here for you, Jackie.” The baker let out a relieved breath and slid the other pastry across the counter. Both girls reached up and grabbed their respective pastries. 

As soon as their pastries were in hand, Shauna dragged them out of the shop to eat outside. Jackie was still a bit sullen, but that didn’t keep her from thanking the baker before they left. Shauna sat off to the side of the shop and patted the spot next to her. Jackie took her place, sitting as close as possible, as she always did. 

Shauna tore off a piece of the croissant and ate it. Jackie fought the frown on her face and the jealousy bubbling in her stomach, when suddenly Shauna’s face lit up. She hummed in contentment and smiled as she chewed, and suddenly—just like that —Jackie wasn’t jealous anymore. Jackie had seen Shauna happy a whole bunch, but she’d never seen her like this . 

While watching Shauna eat, Jackie took a bite of the cherry danish, and it was like watching Shauna let her feel that too. The cherry danish was no chocolate croissant, but to Jackie, at that moment, it tasted like Shauna’s happiness. 

“Do you like it?” Shauna asked after they’d both taken a few bites. Jackie nodded. 

“It’s the best.” 

When Shauna was down to the other end of the croissant, she held it out toward Jackie. “Here, I promised.” 

The piece had little chocolate in it, but Jackie took it anyway. It was delicious . It was her favorite . But, she would gladly continue to have cherry danishes if the croissants made Shauna that happy. (She’d always steal a little piece for herself though. After all, Shauna had promised.)

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The routine continued on for two years—Jackie spending all day with Shauna at her house before sullenly returning to her own for the night—until one particular night when she was six years old. 

She had had a wonderful day. She and Shauna had gone exploring around the woods at the back of Shauna’s house. Not too far, never too far—Shauna’s mom always made them promise not to go past the creek. Jackie would hate to disappoint her. So they stuck to the same side of the creek, despite Shauna’s insistence sometimes that they go beyond it. 

As they were walking along the water, Shauna spotted something up ahead. She rushed forward, and Jackie quickly ran after—she didn’t want to be left behind. Suddenly dropping to a squat, Shauna motioned in front of her. “Look, Jax.” Jackie came to a stop behind Shauna and peered over her shoulder to see what had caught her attention.  

It was a log. A dead, rotting log, but it was beautiful . From the bark multiple kinds of mushrooms sprouted—those made Jackie wrinkle her nose (she never ate her mushrooms)—sticking out from the moss and lichen which had taken over the log. There was a massive split down the center where it had hollowed out, and within…there was a whole other world . 

Jackie squatted next to Shauna, knocking knees and elbows with how closely she sat, and peered down into the log. The inside of the dead log was teeming with life. Grass grew from the lush soil, and flowers sprouted up, reaching for the sunlight. A lizard skittered across the opening, hiding from their presence, and a frog went still in the shadow of the overhang of the log. It was so full of life , in and amongst the rot of the log— because of the rot of the log. 

“It’s beautiful , Shippy,” Jackie murmured and turned to Shauna, only to see a look she had never seen on Shauna’s face before. 

“It’s like a dungeon,” Shauna was in awe; her big eyes even wider as she looked down at the little ecosystem. It was the prettiest Shauna had ever looked, and Shauna always looked pretty to Jackie. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon just observing the log, and dropping a few leaves and flowers amongst the grass within. Shauna was eager to see what would happen to them. 

When they went their separate ways that night Jackie was stuck thinking about the look on Shauna’s face. She desperately wanted to see it again. She wanted to see it directed at her .

As soon as Jackie got home, she made sure that her parents were still out—they were—and grabbed an empty preserves jar from the kitchen. She filled the jar with dirt from behind the house and grabbed any sticks, leaves, and flowers she could find. Jackie lived much closer to the village than Shauna did, so her pick of available wildlife was more limited. 

Stocked with her supplies, Jackie retreated to her room. She made sure to sit on the floor with the jar of dirt; her parents would punish her if she got dirt on her bed or the rug. Carefully and delicately, she placed the sticks, leaves, and tiny flowers into the jar. Each placement was deliberate, and she rearranged the location several times. It still didn’t look right. 

It just looked like a jar of dirt. There were no signs of life—nothing beautiful there despite all the work and care Jackie put into placing each piece. This wasn’t good enough to show Shauna. It needed life . It needed…warmth.

Jackie picked up the jar and placed it in the middle of her criss-crossed legs. She wrapped her arms around the jar, too, molding herself to it, hugging it with as much strength as her small body could muster. She closed her eyes and thought about Shauna. She willed life into the jar with every piece of her tiny being. Warmth spread throughout her body; it was the warmest she had ever felt in her house.

So concentrated on that feeling, she didn’t hear her mother calling for her until the door opened. 

“ Jacqueline , you know better than—“, her mother came to an abrupt stop.

Jackie’s eyes snapped open and she instinctively clutched the jar tighter. Her mother’s hand shot out, gripping too tightly at her arm, but Jackie did not release her hold. 

“ What do you think you’re doing ?” Her mother seethed.

“I—I’m just,” Jackie glanced down at the jar and gasped. Inside the jar, sprouting from the dirt in and amongst the twigs and leaves, was some Baby’s Breath and a single Poppy flower. Jackie held the jar up to her mother, grinning. “I did it! I made the flowers grow!” 

Jackie didn’t even see the slap coming, so focused on looking at the jar. 

Her vision went white. She could just make out the sound of shattering past the ringing in her ears. 

The pain filtered in next. Her face burned. Her head, shoulder, and knee ached.

“Is this what you’ve been getting up to everyday!?” Her mother screamed from above her. 

Oh . She was lying on the ground now. 

Jackie planted her hand on the ground and pushed herself up, while the other one pressed against her cheek. The fingers on her cheek met scalding skin and tears, while the fingers on the floor were splayed out in the dirt that was now loose. Jackie didn’t mean to cry—her mother didn’t like it when she cried. 

“What is all this racket?” Jackie’s father’s stern voice entered the room.

“She was conjuring something in that jar.” Her mother spit the word venomously. 

The jar. The jar was broken . She couldn’t give it to Shauna like this. Jackie shook her head and started to scoop the dirt and pieces of the jar toward her with her arms. “I was just making a gift.” 

“Are you talking back?” Her father’s voice was always calm, but it almost scared Jackie more than her mother’s yelling. Jackie shook her head vehemently.

“Letting her out and about the village on her own was a mistake.” Her mother tapped her foot impatiently. 

As Jackie was reaching out to grab another piece of the jar, her father’s foot stepped down onto it, crushing it under his heel. “ Jacqueline .” 

Jackie went rigid at the tone, sitting back to look up at her parents. 

“We thought you were a good girl.” Her father tsked. 

“I…I am. I’m good.” Jackie pleaded. They never believed her—if only she could convince them. Her mother shook her head. 

“A good girl wouldn’t let herself be tainted by magic.” The venom in her mother’s voice hadn’t lessened a bit since she entered the room. 

Jackie didn’t understand it. What she had done had felt so nice, so warm. Why were they so mad? 

“The Taylors will not have a tainted daughter.” Her father’s words sounded final as he turned and left the room. 

Her mother grabbed her by the ear, pulling her to stand. Jackie scrambled to lessen the tugging, her head tilted at an odd angle and forced to walk on the tips of her toes. Her mother led her out of the room and toward her father’s study. With the hold she had on her ear, Jackie couldn’t even search for the flowers as they left the room. 

In the study, her father was already writing at his desk. Her mother stood her in the corner, facing the wall—Jackie knew this punishment well, even if she didn’t know why she was being punished. She must have been bad without realizing it. She heard her mother leave the room, and for the next few minutes she only heard the scratching of her father’s quill against parchment. 

Her cheek still throbbed, but she didn’t dare move to soothe it at the moment. At least the ringing had finally stopped. 

When her mother finally re-entered the room, she walked right up to Jackie and placed something next to her. A hand on either shoulder turned Jackie around to face her mother, who was now kneeling in front of her. She straightened out Jackie’s clothes and smoothed out her hair—it wasn’t comforting. It was precise . 

“I’m so… disappointed in you.” Her mother stood and joined her father. Jackie’s lip wobbled as she sucked in unsteady breaths. She looked into the bag that had been placed next to her and saw a few sets of clothes. Were they going somewhere ?

Placing down his quill, her father finished writing. He folded up the letter, placed it in an envelope, and sealed it with wax and a stamp. Finally, he stood, letter and a pouch in hand, sighed, and turned to Jackie. He handed them both out to her, and she hesitantly held her hands out to receive them. The pouch was heavier than she expected, and she quickly brought it to her body to cradle it in her arm so she wouldn’t drop it. They wouldn’t like it if she dropped it. 

“Grab the bag.” Her father nodded to the bag next to her, then turned and walked out of the room. Jackie knew to follow. She hiked the bag over her shoulder and scrambled after him; her mother trailed behind. 

He came to a stop at the front door, and pulled it open. He looked down at Jackie. “Go wherever it is that you spend your time every day, and do not come back. We have no need for a daughter who dabbles in sorcery.” 

Jackie glanced between her mother and father. She didn’t understand. What had she done wrong?  

A hand pressed against her back, her mother steadily pushing her out of the house. Jackie turned back to them right as her father closed the door with a sigh, as if he’d just had a long day at work. 

“This is because you indulged her too much.” Jackie heard her mother accuse through the door before their voices faded. 

The sun had just set, so the sky was still a deep blue—not yet faded completely to night. Jackie just stood there, facing the door. She dropped the bag and pouch next to her, and reached up to open the door. She tried to turn the door knob, but was immediately met with resistance. They locked her out . 

She turned the doorknob more aggressively. Then started tugging at the door when it didn’t budge. Her breath quickened as she panicked and exerted herself. Her breaths soon turned into sobs as she took to knocking at the door. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, ” she apologized over and over again through the door, still unsure of what she was apologizing for. There was no response. 

Night had long since fallen by the time Jackie gave up—her knuckles hurt, and she had started to get cold. She wiped her face with her arm, doing nothing to get rid of the tears that were still falling, but clearing away some of the spit and mucus from her hours of sobbing. 

As she was hit with another shiver, Jackie picked up the two bags, still clutching the letter in her hand. She didn’t even have to think about where she was going, her body just took her there. She just needed to get warm.

The walk to Shauna’s usually only took her fifteen minutes, but that night it took almost forty-five with the way she meandered, still so confused. Her crying had lessened to occasional tears, blown away by the wind, and sniffles. When the Shipman’s small house finally came into view, Jackie still couldn’t help but think about how she wished she had the jar to show Shauna. 

She started crying again, but continued on to the door. Her knocks were gentle against the wood—her knuckles still stung. She was prepared to wait for hours—she already had— but moments later, Shauna’s mom opened the door. 

“Jackie? What’s wrong—“ Shauna’s mom’s eyes widened as she took in Jackie’s appearance, cutting herself off. Jackie just held out the pouch and letter. Shauna’s mom took the offered items, barely glancing at them as she ushered Jackie inside. 

“Jackie?” Shauna mumbled sleepily but happily as she shuffled into the room, rubbing sleep from her eyes. There . There was the warmth Jackie needed. 

She dropped the bag from her back and charged into Shauna, colliding hard enough to make the other girl backstep, as she immediately burrowed into Shauna’s neck and shoulder. She wrapped her arms around Shauna and squeezed as tightly as she could, trying to muffle her cries.  

She felt Shauna envelop her, and soon after Shauna’s mom joined. And despite everything else that had happened that night, it felt like something slotted into place. 

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Every day Jackie spent living with Shauna and her mom was leagues better than any day Jackie had when living with her parents. She got to spend all day with her favorite people, and she didn’t have to leave when the sun set! Sharing a bed with Shauna quickly became her favorite way to sleep. 

She always felt so safe and cared for, but she made sure that she did her part. She didn’t want Shauna or her mom to change their mind about letting her stay. So, she cleaned up around the house, making sure things were tidy, and offered to help Shauna’s mom with all of her errands. 

In the months that she had been living with the Shipmans, Jackie had only seen her parents a few times. Every time she did, she would either hide behind Shauna’s mom, or Shauna would block her from their view. There was one time that Shauna even threw a rock at her father’s head—Jackie had never felt so loved. She grew Shauna a flower in thanks. 

At first she had been scared to use her magic in front of Shauna and her mom— what if they were disgusted by her too?— but Shauna’s mom sat Jackie down one day to talk. She told her that there was nothing wrong with magic. That some people were just afraid of things they didn’t understand, like her parents, but that didn’t make her bad or wrong. She was just different. 

Jackie didn’t like being different from Shauna, but she started to feel better about her magic after that. Bit by bit, she started to use her magic; it was usually just with small things to help clean or growing a flower here and there. 

Shauna’s mom told her about a Magic Academy, where people like her went to study magic, and that there was more than enough in the fund her parents left to put her through school. It sounded exciting to Jackie, but that meant that she would have to be without Shauna. Jackie couldn’t fathom that. 

Life continued on, and Jackie was happy.

It was an innocuous day, just like the last and the one before that, that Jackie’s life changed again. She was on her way back from fetching some water for Shauna’s mom when she spotted Shauna squatting in the garden. 

After carefully placing the bucket at the side of the house—she didn’t want to spill any—she hurried over to Shauna. Whatever she was looking at, she was really focused on, since she didn’t even hear Jackie coming up behind her. As soon as she was close enough, Jackie peered over Shauna’s shoulder and gasped. 

Shauna was using magic! She was growing a flower. Excitement burst through Jackie; now, she and Shauna could go to school together! Her excitement spilled from her mouth as she talked a mile a minute, filling Shauna in on the dreams she had been having for months of them going to school together. With Shauna there it would be perfect . 

“We have to tell your mom!” Jackie grabbed Shauna’s hand and pulled her inside, eager to tell Shauna’s mom that she and Shauna weren’t different at all . They were exactly the same. 

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A few months later, Jackie and Shauna were picking their beds at the magic academy. Jackie let Shauna have the bed closer to the bookcase, since she had started reading a lot more, and since she hated when a sunbeam hit her directly in the face in the morning. Jackie took the one by the window. 

Soon after, they met Lottie and Laura Lee. Lottie seemed a little weird, but they both seemed pretty nice! Jackie was excited to meet new people—she had never met anyone outside of their small village.

When classes started, there was a lot of work to do, and Shauna fell head-first into it. Jackie…not so much. Jackie loved the hands-on lessons, but she just couldn’t get into a book the way Shauna could. Shauna was rarely without a book in hand anymore, even right before bed. 

Their first few years at the academy were great. Jackie found out she was adept at healing magic, even though she was warned not to use it. She only ever used it on Shauna anyway, so she wasn’t worried. She and Shauna would go out and explore the woods around the school, just like they always did back home. 

It was exciting, until Shauna started wanting to stay in instead. She would rather read most days than run around under the sun. The change was gradual, but Jackie noticed. Jackie missed her best friend. She would try to talk to Shauna while she was reading, but Shauna usually only stopped reading for long enough to respond before she went back to it. Sometimes Jackie could get her to sneak out and around with her, but it had become increasingly difficult to do so. 

“Come ooonnn, Shippy, I want to go for a walk, and you could use the outdoor time!” A nine-year old Jackie draped herself across Shauna’s legs as she read on her bed. 

“I need to finish this chapter, Jax, just go without me.”  Jackie pouted at Shauna’s answer. The whole point of this was to spend time with Shauna. 

“But Shaunaa—“

“I don’t want to go!” Shauna pulled her legs from under Jackie up to her chest, ripping the rug out from under her at the same time. Jackie’s throat was tight; the air from her lungs was caught in it. She hadn’t meant to make Shauna upset. 

Without another word, Jackie slid off from the bed and went outside. There were plenty of other students outside on their day off, so Jackie talked to them and started to make friends. She spent most of her time with Lottie and Laura Lee when they made their way outside too. 

Jackie started to give Shauna more space (except at night where she usually slipped into her bed). She never wanted to get in Shauna’s way or make her upset, so if Shauna wanted to read instead of hang out with her that was fine. It didn’t upset Jackie at all. 

——————————----------------

As soon as Jackie started to hang out with other people, Shauna suddenly wanted to hang out again. Jackie didn’t think much about it; she was just happy to have Shauna around again. 

While Jackie had started giving Shauna space, she had taken to stealing Shauna’s robes. Not all the time, just when she really missed her. Wearing Shauna’s robes was like receiving a day-long hug from her, and little was better than that in Jackie’s mind.

Even when Shauna started actively hanging out with her again, she still kept up what had turned into a habit. There was too much comfort there that she didn’t want to let go of. 

——————————----------------

Spilling the ink was an accident. She knew how important these robes were to Shauna. The reason Jackie stole them so frequently was because they were Shauna’s favorite to wear since they were from her mom. Jackie was always careful when she was wearing them. Her classmates on the other hand, less so. 

It hadn’t been malicious or purposeful, just a stray elbow, and before Jackie could move, the ink was on her. Her gaze drilled into the spilled ink. The robes were tainted. 

She didn’t even hear her classmate’s apologies as she excused herself from class. She was going to have to explain this to Shauna. How would she explain this to Shauna? Classes were finished soon, so Jackie quickly made her way back to their room. 

Jackie changed, and very delicately folded the stained robe up. They didn’t know prestidigitation yet, but surely Jackie could go and ask a professor. She would apologize, and Shauna would understand and forgive her. 

Shauna, Lottie, and Laura Lee all entered the room together; Lottie and Laura Lee were in the middle of a conversation while Shauna listened in behind them. Jackie hopped up from where she was sitting on the bed, wringing her hands nervously. 

“Shauna,” Jackie started, immediately drawing Shauna’s attention, “there was a spill in class—some ink, and I didn’t move in time, and some got on your robe, and I’m sorry.” 

The room fell silent. Lottie and Laura Lee shuffled over to their side of the room nervously, eyeing the two of them.

“I’ll take it to a professor and try to get it cleaned, so you won’t even notice—“ Jackie continued the explanation of her plan.

“You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place!” Shauna yelled, stopping Jackie in her tracks. She had never seen that look on Shauna’s face before— never directed at her . Shauna looked angry. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful, I promise.” That apparently was the wrong thing to say, as Shauna just seemed to get angrier. 

“Why can’t you just wear your own clothes!?” Shauna shouted, her fists clenched at her sides. Jackie blinked, shocked at the upset coming from Shauna. Jackie wore her own clothes all the time; she was capable of it. She just liked wearing Shauna’s more. She wasn’t sure if she could give that up. 

“I said I was sorry, Shauna!” Jackie didn’t understand it. She had a plan to fix it. Everything would be fine. Nothing had to change; she’d just get more careful. 

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Jackie—you ruined it!” Shauna advanced further toward Jackie, but Jackie was already standing against the bed, unable to retreat. The word choice struck Jackie. Tears welled in her eyes as her throat tightened. Shauna didn’t mean that. She was just upset. 

“It’s just a piece of clothing, Shauna.” Jackie mumbled, straining to get the words out evenly. 

“You know that my mom sent that to me.” Shauna pressed her index finger into Jackie’s shoulder. “I know you know that, but you constantly steal it! I never get to wear it, and now it’s ruined!” Jackie watched as Shauna’s eyes filled with tears and she felt her own start to fall. “Why can’t I ever just have one thing for myself!?” 

Shauna stomped her foot and then suddenly there was heat . Jackie was launched back over Shauna’s bed, tumbling toward her own. Her skin burned and her limbs ached , but all she could think about was Shauna. 

“…Shauna” Jackie mumbled as she staggered to her feet. A quick glance across the room saw their half of the room completely scorched. Lottie and Laura Lee were shielding each other from the blast. Finally, her eyes found Shauna, crumpled at the base of the bookshelf, several books falling from it and landing on her. “Shauna!” Jackie scrambled. 

She barely registered Lottie and Laura Lee leaving for help as she collapsed next to Shauna. Jackie couldn’t even tell if she was awake, so she gently placed her hand on Shauna’s shoulder. Shauna hissed in pain, and Jackie snatched her hand back. 

Her next move was very careful; she gently lifted Shauna’s head and placed it in her lap. She was covered in burns that Jackie did her best to soothe. She ran her fingers gently over Shauna’s hair. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Shauna.” Jackie practically sobbed. This was all her fault. “You have me. We’ll get through this together.” How could Jackie have let Shauna think she didn’t have anything to herself? She had Jackie, and everything that was Jackie’s was Shauna’s. They were the same. “Lottie and Laura Lee went to get help. You’re gonna be okay.” Jackie had bent down over Shauna, shielding her entire body, to speak quietly in her ear. 

Jackie jolted at the sudden hand on her thigh, Shauna squeezing the muscle. More tears spilled from Jackie’s eyes, some dripping down onto Shauna. She would be okay. They would be okay. Jackie rested her hand on top of Shauna’s, took a deep breath, and started to take some of Shauna’s injuries for herself. 

She hissed in pain as the burns erupted on her skin, but she continued to push through until Shauna snatched her hand away. “Jax, no .” She spoke between clenched teeth. 

“But you’re hurt ,” Jackie’s lip quivered with the words. Shauna shook her head, unable to say much else. She shifted with a cry of pain that made Jackie flinch, until her arms were loosely around Jackie. Jackie returned the favor and kept a hold on Shauna until the professors came and had to peel them apart. 

After that incident, for a time Jackie and Shauna were closer than ever again. Jackie was determined to make it up to Shauna—she would show Shauna that she was the most important thing in Jackie’s life. 

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Jackie’s birthday was never an event until she moved in with the Shipman’s. Really she was too young to remember anything her actual parents might have done, but she knew that it probably just passed like every other day for them. (Sometimes she wondered if they ever thought about her, but she was quick to force those thoughts away when they surfaced.)

Her first year living with the Shipmans, her birthday snuck up on her. She was enjoying every day so much that she didn’t even realize it was her birthday until the middle of breakfast. Shauna’s mom left the table briefly before she returned with a small cake that she placed in front of Jackie. Jackie was confused but delighted, as she looked between Shauna and her mom. 

“Happy Birthday, Jax!” Shauna grinned from next to her, leaning over in her chair to wrap her in a hug.

“Happy birthday, honey.” Shauna’s mom ran her hand over Jackie’s hair and placed a kiss on her head. Jackie was immediately overcome with emotion; tears pooling in her eyes and spilling over. She buried her face in Shauna’s shoulder and clutched her tightly, still unable to stop her smile. 

From that point on, Jackie always looked forward to her birthday, and that didn’t change even when they were away at school. Shauna’s mom visited when she could, but always made sure to send a letter on either of their birthdays when she wasn’t able to make it. Jackie never needed anything extravagant, but she always appreciated the small parties her classmates and the school would throw for all of their birthdays. 

However, Jackie made sure that on the actual day that it was just her and Shauna. Lottie and Laura Lee would always stick around for breakfast and give their well wishes, but then Jackie and Shauna would leave the school—sneaking out if it was a class day. They always went to a clearing in the nearby woods that had become theirs over the years.

Jackie’s thirteenth birthday was no different. Lottie and Laura Lee wished her a happy birthday over breakfast and then left the duo to their tradition. Jackie grabbed Shauna’s hand, excited to head out, but she slipped out of her grasp. 

“I’ll be right back, Jax.” Shauna placed her hands on Jackie’s shoulders as if to make her stay, and then ran off back toward the room. 

Jackie stayed right where Shauna left her, shifting back and forth on her feet. She greeted a few of their classmates who said hi to her and thanked those who wished her a happy birthday. Admittedly, she wasn’t really paying attention to who she was talking to, too focused on glancing at the door for Shauna’s return. 

It was only a few minutes, but it felt like ages before Shauna returned. She had one hand stuffed firmly in her cloak pocket and seemed slightly disheveled. Jackie rushed over and laced her fingers together with Shauna’s available hand. “Everything okay…?” Jackie tugged at Shauna’s hand.

“Yeah! I’m good now—let’s go!” Shauna hurriedly pulled Jackie out of the school and into the woods. 

“Where’s the fire, Shippy?” Jackie teased at Shauna, even as she quickly overtook Shauna’s pace to drag her to the clearing. 

At this time of the year, the chill and frost hadn’t quite creeped in yet, so some summer wildflowers were still holding out in the clearing. They seemingly perked up with life the moment Jackie led Shauna into the clearing. She dragged her right to the middle and then plopped down, forcing Shauna to come after her as they sprawled out against the grass. 

For a while they sat in silence, just enjoying each others’ company and watching the clouds. To Jackie, this was already a perfect day. She squeezed Shauna’s hand and started to point out shapes in the clouds. Shauna hummed her responses, only rarely offering up what she was seeing. 

Usually, Shauna participated a bit more, so after a few more minutes of minimal responses, Jackie turned to look at Shauna and was met with big, brown eyes already looking back. “You okay?” Jackie whispered—their faces were so close.  

Shauna blinked. She nodded. 

Suddenly, she sat up, and Jackie noticed that her other hand was still in her pocket. “What’s going—“ Jackie’s brow furrowed.

“I have something for you.” Shauna interrupted, fidgeting a bit. Jackie didn’t know if she had ever seen Shauna this nervous about something.

Jackie pushed herself up to mirror Shauna’s position, as they usually naturally ended up doing. “You do?” 

Shauna nodded. “You have to close your eyes.” 

Jackie did so immediately. She trusted Shauna intrinsically. She could hear Shauna take a deep breath. “Okay, put out your hand.” Jackie complied.

There was a ruffling of fabric, and then a few seconds later, a warm, metallic chain was being placed in her palm. It had to be a necklace, warm from Shauna’s grip around it for the past hour. She instinctively wanted to curl her hand around it—she wanted to preserve Shauna’s warmth, but she resisted. “You can open them now.” Shauna said hesitantly. 

Jackie refrained from shooting her eyes open, not wanting to seem too eager, and opened them as naturally as she could. Looking down into her palm, her wide eyes landed on a small golden heart right in the center, surrounded by a gold chain. Jackie thought she felt her own heart stop; no longer needed and ready to be replaced by the heart Shauna gave her. Shauna’s heart. No one had ever given her anything like this before. 

She realized she must not have said anything yet, as Shauna visibly grew more worried. “…do you like it?” Her voice was timid, uncertain. 

“I love it.” I love you , Jackie thought, and not for the first time, but maybe in a new way. Or maybe just finally understanding how she meant it for the first time. Shauna sighed in relief at Jackie’s answer and grinned. She could feel her new heart racing in her palm. 

“Good, I’ve been saving up for a while. I saw it the last time we had a trip into town, and I had mom go back to get it once I had enough money.” Shauna looked down, pulling at her robes where they were pulled taut against her knees. 

“Put it on me?” Jackie held her palm out to Shauna, who looked back up at the request. She nodded and released the hold they had had on each other for the past hour. Shauna picked up the necklace, but Jackie didn’t turn around. 

She leaned forward instead as Shauna unclasped the necklace. Shauna met Jackie in the middle, pushing her hair off to the side and wrapping her arms around Jackie in a loose hug as she fiddled with the clasp. It took a few seconds, but once the necklace was secure, Shauna leaned back, trailing her fingers along the chain. She made sure the chain sat correctly and centered the pendant as best she could. 

Jackie was so overcome with adoration at the gesture that she was buzzing with it. Her chest felt full, and her foot started to bounce just to dispel the energy. It seemed like a compulsion, a need , that propelled her forward to peck Shauna on the lips. It was fast, not even a second, but it did little to dispel the warmth in her. Jackie could probably do it a hundred more times, and it still wouldn’t be enough–but she didn’t want to trouble Shauna with that. 

Shauna’s eyes widened at the action, and her mouth hung open just slightly. “I love it so much. This is my best birthday ever… You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Jackie gushed.

The wide eyed look faded, and Shauna’s lips quirked up into a small smile. It wasn’t nearly as close to her grin as Jackie would have liked. “Happy Birthday, Jax.” 

Jackie wrapped Shauna into a tight hug. “Thanks, Shippy.” She spoke into her neck, the necklace dangling in the little space between their bodies. 

Maybe now Jackie would have Shauna as much as Shauna had Jackie. Either way, Jackie would protect Shauna’s heart with everything she had.

——————————----------------

As the years passed, Jackie made sure that they had as many classes together as possible, barring the ones for evocation which Shauna had started learning. Jackie had been upset that she’d have to be without Shauna for half of the day, but she eventually came around. 

At lunch she always grabbed Shauna’s food since her class finished first. She made sure to get her favorites, chocolate croissant (with one bite missing) included. Then Jackie would catch Shauna up on her day while Shauna read the book she had taken to reading and rereading— The Mysterious History of the Wilderness and Dungeon Ecosystems . 

Most of the time, they ate with just the four of them at the table. Sometimes others would join, but lunch was now dedicated time with Shauna for Jackie, so she didn’t really pay too much attention. Maybe that’s why she was blindsided when people started to come to the table wanting to speak to Shauna . She wasn’t surprised that people wanted to talk to Shauna—she loved Shauna—she was surprised that Shauna talked back .

Shauna had always been the quieter of the two, but she was a person of action. Jackie knew she cared because of what she did, not because of what she said. And sure, Jackie knew in the back of her mind that Shauna probably had friends with no connection to her at all, especially in her evocation classes, but Jackie never thought about it. So when finally confronted with that fact as one of Shauna’s classmates asked for her help to study, Jackie found that she hated it. 

“Sorry, she can’t. We’re going into town later to pick some things up.” Jackie lied with a smile. She didn’t know why she did it. Not really. Just that the thought of Shauna spending time alone with someone that she didn’t know made her insides roil. 

Jackie could feel Shauna start to slip away after that. She wasn’t as present. Jackie panicked. The farther Shauna seemed to slip, the tighter Jackie tried to hold on. It was a slow drifting, nothing extreme, but Shauna was becoming different . Different from everyone else was fine—they had always been different from everyone else—but Shauna was becoming different from Jackie . Jackie didn’t understand it. It was driving Jackie crazy, so she started to search for answers.

One evening, when Shauna went to the library after dinner, Jackie didn’t join her. Shauna looked surprised but not particularly upset, and said that she’d see Jackie later. Jackie already knew that Laura Lee was praying in the temple at that time, and that Lottie would be there with her, which meant that their room would be empty. 

Jackie hurried back to their room and immediately started carefully looking through Shauna’s things. She didn’t know exactly what she was looking for, but it was clear to her that Shauna was hiding something and had been hiding something for a while. She carefully checked the bookcase, peering behind each book to make sure it wasn’t blocking anything. 

She huffed with her hands on her hips. Nothing. She dropped to her knees and peeked under the bed. Nothing. Jackie sat on her knees with a sigh and looked around the room. She dropped her head back and groaned at the ceiling, sure her efforts were wasted—when she saw it. 

High up in the rafters of the room, Jackie just made out the corner of a book. She quickly hopped up onto Shauna’s bed and reached all the way up on the tip of her toes. Her fingers just barely grazed the corner, but it was enough. Jackie snatched the book and dropped into a sitting position on the bed. 

For a moment she stared at the book’s cover and didn’t comprehend what she was seeing. She couldn’t read the language—but she would recognize the symbols anywhere. Symbols they were constantly warned against throughout school. Forbidden Magic . Jackie shuddered. Why did Shauna have this? Shauna was smart. She knew what this book was. Why would she hold onto it?

Jackie was hesitant to even open the thing, but she did. She flipped through the book, barely glancing at each page, but she could tell it was a spell and research book of some ancient wizard. How did Shauna even get a hold of this? Jackie stopped on a page with a series of circles surrounded by runes. For a brief moment, she had the urge to trace them with her finger. She snapped the book shut. 

Letting out a shaky breath, Jackie hid the book once more, and covered her tracks. She had to do something. She sat on her bed and twiddled her thumbs as she thought. 

The door to the room opened, and Jackie jolted upright as Lottie and Laura Lee entered the room. 

“Everything okay?” Laura Lee’s brow furrowed as she made her way to her bed, opposite Jackie’s. Jackie stayed stock still— should she tell them?

“Everything’s fine,” Jackie smiled, but it came out more like a wince. 

“Where’s Shauna?” Lottie was already in the middle of changing into her sleep clothes. 

“Library…I…had a headache, so I just turned in early.” 

Lottie hummed and fixed Jackie with a knowing look as she slipped on her nightgown. 

“Speaking of…” Jackie continued and shifted so she was lying in bed. “I think I’ll try to sleep now.” She turned away from her two friends and shut her eyes, trying to slow her breathing. 

Lottie and Laura Lee continued talking in hushed tones for a while longer before they also turned in for the night. Still no Shauna. 

When Shauna finally entered the room that night, Jackie was still awake. She couldn’t sleep. She heard Shauna pause between their beds. Usually, when Jackie went back to the room alone she ended up falling asleep in Shauna’s bed; she couldn’t remember the last time she voluntarily slept in her own bed when she could choose Shauna’s. 

A part of her wished that maybe Shauna would slip into her bed that night—would bridge the rift Jackie could feel between them. She didn’t. Shauna pulled back the covers of her own bed and slid under them, letting out a content sigh. Jackie clenched her hand in her own covers. 

She didn’t sleep much that night, but she convinced herself that Shauna would come talk to her soon about it all. She would come to Jackie for advice because she valued Jackie’s opinion just as much as Jackie valued Shauna’s opinion. She just had to wait for a bit, just until Shauna was ready. 

Weeks passed. And in the meantime Shauna had pulled even farther away. Everything was falling apart, and Jackie didn’t know what to do. Everyone could see it. Lottie and Laura Lee certainly could with the wide berth they gave the two of them for the past week. 

Finally, Jackie had had enough. She had made up her mind to confront Shauna, but she just wanted one more day—just in case. 

For the first time in weeks, Jackie squeezed her way into Shauna’s bed. Shauna shifted over begrudgingly, but she didn’t put up much of a fight. Jackie draped an arm and leg across Shauna, resting her head against her shoulder, but Shauna’s arms did not lift to wrap around Jackie. The pit in Jackie’s stomach grew, but eventually Shauna did take her hand, entangling their fingers together over her stomach. 

——————————----------------

She had decided to confront her the next night after dinner when it was just the two of them in their room. They had settled in for a while, but Jackie paced in the middle of the room while Shauna read on her bed. Eventually, she couldn’t stop it anymore and the question left her. 

“What’s going on? You’ve been distant lately.” Jackie crossed her arms, came to a stop, and shuffled her feet. Shauna looked up from the book she was reading, her brows furrowed. 

“Nothing. I’ve just been busy…heavy course load this year.” Shauna glanced away as she trailed off. 

“You’re lying. You’re never here anymore.”

“Jackie, what are you talking about? We sleep next to each other every night.”

“You never talk to me anymore! You’d always rather just be reading that stupid dungeon book.”

“Just because you don’t understand it—“

“No Shauna! You don’t understand it !” Jackie stamped her foot with her outburst. “I found your secret book!” Jackie pointed up at the rafters. “That is dangerous , Shauna! You’re being reckless—a-and stupid ! Why!? This isn’t like you.”

Shauna scoffed. “What would you know? The only reason I’m at this stupid school is because you dragged me here, because you were too scared to come on your own. You’re too scared to do anything on your own! I DON’T EVEN LIKE MAGIC! But of course I had to study it because you wanted to study it. You have controlled every— single—aspect—of my life since I was four years old and I’m done! I’ll study whatever the fuck I want to—finally!” 

Jackie’s eyes widened throughout Shauna’s outburst, and tears were now steadily falling down her cheeks. She hadn’t done that—had she? She hadn’t controlled Shauna’s life. She just—she just wanted to be with Shauna. With her favorite person. 

“I feel sorry for you,” Shauna continued, spitting the venomous resentment that had been building for over a decade. “No one else knows how tragic, insecure, and boring you really are.” Tainted, Jackie’s brain supplied. 

Shauna bustled around the room in a whirlwind, gathering her things, and making sure to grab the book in the rafters. Was Shauna going somewhere? 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Jackie choked out, her crossed arms now moving to hug herself. 

Shauna finished packing her rucksack, pulled it closed, and hiked it up over her shoulder. “Or maybe you never did.” She said it with a shrug and then stormed out. 

Wait. Jackie thought. Stop. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me alone again. Please. I can’t be alone. Come back. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suffocate you. I know you. I love you. I love you .

Jackie said nothing. 

She fell to the floor, still hugging herself, and she waited. Shauna would come back. They would work through this—they always did. They loved each other. They were Jackie and Shauna. Jackie could wait. Shauna would come. She always did. 

Shauna didn’t come.

Time blurred for Jackie. Lottie and Laura Lee eventually came back to the dorm. They immediately clocked the room and Jackie’s state and hurried to ask what was wrong. Jackie couldn’t answer.

“Where’s Shauna?” Laura Lee asked, concerned. 

A sob bubbled out of Jackie once more, and she buried her face in her knees. Her two friends were in and out of the room several times, and Jackie knew they were talking to her—she just didn’t hear any of it. They tried to nudge her from her position sitting on the floor a few times, but she didn’t move. 

She didn’t sleep that first night—she waited. She didn’t go to class the next day. She didn’t want to miss it if Shauna came back to the dorm during the day. She didn’t eat. Lottie and Laura Lee brought her food around lunch, but it just sat next to her. She wasn’t hungry. 

Finally, she couldn’t ignore her bladder anymore and rushed to the bathroom, rushing back just as quickly. She reentered the room with hope in her chest; maybe Shauna had come back in the time she was gone (nevermind that it was less than 5 minutes). The hope quickly shriveled as the room was in the same state of disarray it had been. No sign of Shauna, just a full plate of food on the ground where Jackie had been. 

Her knees buckled, but she didn’t fall to the ground. Jackie crawled into Shauna’s bed instead, gripping her pillow to her chest, throwing the covers over her head, and burrowing into the little cocoon she made for herself. 

At some point her stomach grumbled, but she ignored it. She wasn’t sure if she fell asleep or just zoned out entirely. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the covers were pulled away from her head. Jackie instinctively squinted at the light of the room, so different from her dark, comforting cave of Shauna.

She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted, and then she finally saw Laura Lee, who was kneeling next to the bed, and Lottie, who was standing above her, one of the edges of the blanket held in her hand. 

“Jackie, you have to eat….it’s almost been three days.” Laura Lee spoke hesitantly, afraid of a reaction. Three days? Had it been three days?

“It doesn’t have to be a lot, just something.” Lottie moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Jackie thought about what she would eat. She knew she was hungry, but she just didn’t think she could stomach anything. 

“…chocolate croissant.” Jackie mumbled and Laura Lee visibly brightened. She nodded and stood. 

“I’ll be right back.” Laura Lee rushed from the room. 

Jackie shifted under the covers and hugged the pillow closer to herself as she watched Laura Lee leave. Lottie remained sitting at the edge of the bed quietly. 

“She’s not coming back, is she?” Jackie’s voice was gravelly and deep from the lack of use. 

It would have been easy for Lottie to act like they were talking about Laura Lee, easy to assuage Jackie that she’d be right back, but they both knew who Jackie was talking about. Lottie shook her head.

“No…or not for a while, at least.” Lottie didn’t lie to her, and as much as it hurt, Jackie appreciated it. She buried her face in the pillow again until Laura Lee returned, chocolate croissant in hand. 

Jackie didn’t sit up, but she did take the croissant offered to her. She delicately ripped it into pieces and slowly ate the whole thing—something she hadn’t done in over a decade. She didn’t realize she had started crying again until Laura Lee grabbed her hand supportively. 

The next day, a letter arrived for Jackie in the mail from Shauna’s mom. She tried to keep her hands from shaking as she carefully opened the envelope. Her two friends watched on from across the room, but she paid them no mind. She gingerly unfolded the letter and then before she could second guess herself, started reading.

My Dear Jackie, 

I hope you’re doing okay, sweetie. Shauna didn’t tell me what happened, but she came home last night. She’s determined to go out into the world, and nothing I say will stop her—you know how she gets when she has her mind set on something. 

Whatever it was, I’m sure that it will blow over. You two love each other too much for this storm to last forever.

I want you to know that I love you and that you will always have a place in this home. No matter what. If you need anything—ever—I will always be here for you, darling. 

Please come and visit soon. I think we could both use the break. 

Jackie was hiccuping tears by the time she finished reading the letter. It was short and simple, but exactly what Jackie needed. She clutched it to her chest, careful not to rip or crumble it too much. She wiped her tears away with her arm and decided that she would trust Shauna’s mom—she had almost her entire life. This storm would pass.

For the next two days, Jackie allowed herself to continue wallowing. It was the weekend, so it wasn’t like she had anywhere else she needed to be. She had started speaking to Lottie and Laura Lee again, and she picked at what they brought her back from the cafeteria— always finishing the croissant though. 

Come the start of the week, Jackie somehow managed to peel herself from the indent she had made in Shauna’s bed. Her friends watched in surprise as she got ready for the day, fully expecting her to remain in her little cocoon. She wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to. But she needed to do this. She needed to get up and go to class on her own, even if it was just to prove Shauna wrong ( Shauna was always right ).

So, she got up. She got dressed. She went to class. 

That first day, she didn’t speak. She didn’t participate in any of her classes the way she usually would, and following her week’s absence, it was noticeable. Jackie could feel the looks on her throughout the day, but she did her best to ignore them. 

Lunch was the hardest. She instinctively found herself reaching for two of everything before she remembered. She didn’t put any of it back, though—just brought it to their table and stared at it on her tray. The empty space beside her left her cold. 

Each day passed much the same without Shauna, and before Jackie even realized it weeks had passed. They were starting to plan and build their staffs, since certification exams were only months away. Jackie didn’t need to brainstorm like some of the others—she knew exactly how she would build her staff. She and Shauna had planned it out years ago…or, well. Jackie had planned out her and Shauna’s staffs and Shauna had just accepted the plans with a huff and a “Sure, Jax”. 

Jackie had taken to doing that a lot the past few weeks. Not thinking about Shauna—she always thought about Shauna—but thinking about their past and trying to track down where the resentment and hatred had started. Jackie had been bombarded by possible moments when she really let herself spiral.  Had she been controlling? 

Lottie and Laura Lee did their best to keep Jackie out of her own head and to try to cheer her up, but they could only do so much. Luckily, they understood that well, so Jackie didn’t even have to explain. 

Progress on her staff went smoothly, and her final year of school continued to pass by. 

She went to visit Shauna’s mom only a few times; being there without Shauna was an overwhelming feeling. 

The first time she visited, she just clutched Shauna’s mom and cried.

“ Oh , my girl.” She soothed, running her fingers through Jackie’s hair until she calmed. 

“I’m sorry, ma’am.” Jackie sniffled, ever polite, but didn’t pull away despite the apology. Maybe she was selfish, constantly forcing herself on the Shipman’s when—

“You never need to apologize for this, honey” Shauna’s mom squeezed her tighter. “I’m your mom .”

Those words set Jackie off once more, and she clutched tightly onto Shauna’s— her —mom. Of course, she had always viewed Shauna’s mom as her own, but she never wanted to assume it was reciprocal. Shauna had sometimes joked that Jackie was the favorite child ( not true ), but Jackie had never wanted to come between Shauna and her mom any more than she already had. 

Finally , Jackie felt something within her come to rest. The lost little girl who had been unmoored once more when Shauna left had found something to hold onto. She wasn’t alone; she had her mom. They stayed wrapped in a hug for a while before her mom finally eased out of the hug. 

She cupped Jackie’s cheek, rubbing at it with her thumb as she looked her over. “I have an update, if you’d like to hear it, Jack.” 

It was said so softly—so carefully— she knew how fragile Jackie was. Jackie stiffened for a moment before she nodded, almost sheepishly. Ashamed that she was so desperate for any single trace of Shauna. 

“She’s safe  and she’s found work…she didn’t tell me much other than that.” Her mom rolled her eyes. 

“Did she…um, did she ask about…me?” Jackie fidgeted while she spoke, only looking up at her mom after she had finished her question. The look on her face was answer enough. Jackie felt her shattered heart crack once more. 

“She…you know Shauna. Sometimes she just needs some time and space to figure something out.” Never from Jackie. Not really. Certainly not more than a day.

She didn’t end up telling her mom why Shauna had left or what she and Shauna had fought about. Jackie didn’t want her to worry any more. She spent the rest of her visit spending time together and thinking about Shauna. 

After that visit, Jackie decided to try her best to finish out the year strong—Shauna be damned. She had Mrs. Shipman; she would do it for her. 

She started participating in classes again; throwing herself into them harder than she had before, actually. She talked with her peers more, actually getting to know them beyond just their names and topics of study. For years, in terms of people, there had only been Shauna and everyone else. Lottie and Laura Lee had made it into a sort of special limbo between the two, but, now that her person was gone, all Jackie had left was everyone else. 

She went to study groups, practice sessions—she even went to the temple a few times with Laura Lee. It was easier for her to stay quiet these days. She just had less she wanted to share. Their lunch table became a rotating array of visitors who Jackie actually started to know. It was actually kind of nice.

She still felt the cold on her left side, even with so many others sitting there, but it was manageable. 

The rest of the year sped by just like that until there were only a few months left until their exams. Only weeks until Jackie would be a certified caster and then she could do…whatever she wanted. Whenever she figured out what she wanted to do, that is. All of her planning of her future had stopped the second Shauna had left—but she could figure it out. She would figure it out. 

Jackie was just getting up for the morning when it happened. 

Her knees buckled, and she gasped as she fell to the floor— excruciating pain suddenly radiating from her chest like her very being had been torn out from her. She must have screamed, as Lottie and Laura Lee raced in from the bathroom where they had been getting ready for class. 

“Jackie, what’s wrong?” Laura Lee was wide-eyed as she collapsed to her knees next to Jackie, placing a hand delicately on her back. Jackie couldn’t answer—couldn’t form words, just clutched at her heart. 

Then, as quick as the sharp pain was there, it was gone…but it took everything with it. Jackie suddenly felt so— hollow , that she gasped again, rocking forward on her knees until her head touched the ground. 

“I—it’s…Shauna…something’s wrong—I-I can’t…she’s not…I can’t feel her.” Jackie pushed herself back up onto her knees and looked up at Lottie. Lottie, who was staring right at Jackie’s heart until her gaze shifted, following a line from her heart directly into the wall beside them. Her brows furrowed. 

Jackie struggled to her feet and started to move frantically around the room. She grabbed anything she could think of. Well, she really wasn’t thinking of anything at all except— ShaunaShaunaShauna. She threw clothes on her ( Shauna’s ) bed, and at least half of them were Shauna’s. She grabbed a bag and crammed the clothes inside. As she went to rush to the bathroom, a hand caught her elbow.

“ Jackie !” Laura Lee must have been trying to get her attention for some time if she was raising her voice. “What are you doing?” 

“I have to go find her—I have to make sure she’s okay.” 

“Jack, you can’t just leave— “ Laura Lee stopped herself when Lottie placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You shouldn’t go alone. Laura Lee and I will talk to the professors—we’ll see if we can take exams early, and then we can all go look for her as soon as we finish.”

“But—“ 

“She’s strong, Jackie, and we need the certifications. An entire group of uncertified mages wouldn’t go unnoticed. She’ll be okay until we find her.” Lottie moved in front of Jackie, placing her hands on her shoulders, and walked her back to the bed. She pushed down, making Jackie sit on the mattress. “Just take it easy today. We’ll go talk to the professors.” 

Lottie and Laura Lee left the room, talking to each other in lowered voices, while Jackie sat on the bed. She couldn’t sit still for long. She picked at the blankets. She jumped up from the bed. She paced. She started biting her nails—a habit she had stopped over a decade ago ( Taylors did not form such disgusting habits ). Nothing she did changed the hollow feeling. 

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, it had felt like days—days of just pacing and worrying, but Jackie didn’t know if it had been more than a couple hours, truly. She had reached her limit. She couldn’t wait anymore. She finished packing the bag. It would be easy to sneak out while everyone was in classes, preoccupied. 

Hiking the bag over her shoulder, she grabbed her unfinished staff, and made for the door. She was just crossing the threshold when suddenly she felt a pull, andthenallatonce everything snapped back into place. She staggered, catching herself against the door jamb, and placing a hand above her heart. She rubbed it absentmindedly, her fingers skimming across her necklace. 

She was okay. Shauna was okay. Jackie didn’t question the feeling—the instinct . She just knew it was true. She dropped the bag in the doorway and returned to her bed; she didn’t even bother to close the door. She tucked herself in, throwing the covers over her head, and closed her eyes. 

If she concentrated hard enough, she could still smell Shauna, even if she hadn’t slept in that bed for months. 

——————————----------------

At the end of the day, Lottie and Laura Lee came rushing into the room, alarmed at the dropped bag and open door. Hearing their hurried footsteps, Jackie peeked her head out from under the covers. 

“Oh, thank goodness you’re still here.” Laura Lee let out a relieved sigh. 

“The earliest they would let us take them is next month—we tried to get them to move it up further, but they wouldn’t budge. I could hire someone to try and find her in the meantime.” Lottie offered—she was a ward of the kingdom, but she still possessed all of her late parents’ wealth. 

“She’s okay…whatever it was that happened…she’s better now.” Jackie had an awful nauseating idea of what had happened, but she couldn’t allow herself to dwell on it. 

“So we aren’t taking exams early?” Laura Lee asked as she moved the bag into the room and shut the door. 

Jackie shook her head. “Unless you both want to.” 

“In no world do I want to take an exam early.” Lottie sat down at her desk. 

“We’ll have to tell all the professors again.” Laura Lee reminded. Lottie groaned a bit. 

“Thank you both…for being willing to do that for me.” Lottie waved Jackie off. 

“Of course. She’s our friend, too.” 

——————————----------------

When Jackie received her weekly letter from her mom at the end of that week, instead of the usual handful of copper and silver pieces accompanying the letter, there was an entire gold piece among the silver and copper. Jackie assumed maybe it was a gift since it was getting close to exams, so she made sure to thank her in her return letter as she always did. 

Except there was another gold piece accompanying the letter the following week. And the week after that. 

Finally, Jackie brought it up in one of her return letters—she really had no need right now for this much money, and she knew that Mrs. Shipman could make much more use of it. 

With the next letter Jackie received there was yet again a gold piece. Jackie scanned the response, her grip on the letter tightening as she read. 

I wasn’t supposed to tell you this, but someone needs to knock some sense into my daughter. The gold piece is from Shauna, and is specifically for you. She won’t tell me what her job is, just sends me a portion of her earnings with instructions to send some to you. Any job that makes gold is a dangerous one, but she probably doesn’t want me to worry. 

Don’t feel guilty about taking the money, Jack. I’m doing just fine, and Shauna wants you to have it. 

Shauna was—what? Trying to provide for her? After she made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want Jackie in her life? It was confusing. It was infuriating . Not to mention the danger she was putting herself in in order to even get the money. 

As soon as she passed exams, she was going to find Shauna and give her a piece of her mind. 

——————————----------------

Exams passed without a hitch, and suddenly, they were certified casters. 

She thought it would feel more significant. She had always imagined late night study and practice sessions with Shauna in the weeks leading up to it before a grueling few days. That they would showcase their abilities and finally feel accomplished before setting off into the world together to do whatever they liked. 

Instead, it was quiet. Jackie didn’t feel like she had accomplished anything; it felt like she was just starting. Her staff was finally finished—she named it Ophelia. There was no shift in her body or in her mind. She was just a certified caster now, even though she still felt like a student. 

Even the congratulatory letter from her mom and the celebration with her peers didn’t change that feeling. How could she have accomplished anything if the other half of her wasn’t there to see it? Still, Jackie thanked everyone, joined in the celebration, and smiled—she had gotten so good at pretending; no one would be able to tell the difference. 

They stuck around the academy for a few more days, packing and getting ready. Jackie and Laura Lee were going to visit their homes, Lottie would accompany Laura Lee, and then they would meet back up to set off on their task.  Home was comforting, but as always it was tinged with the sorrow and the knowledge that someone was missing. Still, it was nice to fall back into old habits, even if the bed felt too big. 

After a few days that passed far too quickly, her mom sent her off with food, a tight hug, money (from Shauna), and some encouragement. “You two will figure it out.” 

With a promise to keep in touch, and to visit soon with Shauna, Jackie set off to meet Lottie and Laura Lee where they had planned. 

——————————----------------

Traveling through the wilds was where Lottie, both surprisingly and somehow not, seemed to thrive, so Jackie happily let her take the lead. While Jackie wanted to barge into the Wilderness dungeon—she just knew that was where she’d find Shauna—Lottie said they were nowhere near ready to venture into a dungeon. 

“With just the three of us? Jackie, that’s a death wish. We need fighters. If any monster gets into close combat with any of us we’d be done for.” 

“Fine,” Jackie finally caved, crossing her arms. “What’s your plan?” 

“We spend some time in some easier, more traversed dungeons, gather a party, and then we can go to the Wilderness.” 

So that’s what they did. They set off to one of the smaller dungeons a few days away. 

That was where they met Nat. She was from the village near the dungeon and would be hired on by parties who didn’t know the area or layout of the dungeon at all. Lottie hired her immediately. 

“Let me guess, new academy graduates who want to show off what they learned?”  Nat drawled as she led them toward the dungeon. 

Jackie shook her head. “We need to get strong enough to handle the Wilderness.” She clutched Ophelia tightly. 

Nat barked a laugh and then looked back at them, eyes flitting across their faces. Her amusement dropped. “You’re serious?” 

They all nodded, determined. 

“Well shit. Why there? Everything I’ve heard of it—it’s super unstable.” 

Lottie shook her head. “No, it’s just constantly changing.” 

Nat came to a stop, turned, and looked at Lottie, incredulous. “So it’s constantly changing…but it’s not unstable?” 

“Exactly.” 

“ Sure,” Nat said flatly, “so, why the Wilderness?” 

Lottie and Laura Lee both looked at Jackie; they were taking her lead in what she wanted to share. “I need to prove someone wrong.” 

Nat snorted at the answer and nodded. “Pettiness and spite—I dig it.” She turned back around and continued leading them.

Jackie hadn’t thought about it that way at all…in her mind, it was self-preservation. Not that she would correct Nat about that—she seemed to like that answer. 

“The four of us can probably handle this dungeon together, but you’ll need to build a stronger party if you even want a chance of tackling the Wilderness.” 

——————————----------------

Nat was right, they were able to make it through that dungeon with little trouble. Though Jackie did encounter a pitfall on a stair trap when her foot strayed from the places Nat had pointed out as safe. The stair had fallen out from beneath her, catching her foot, breaking her ankle, and causing her to face plant onto the steps below. 

Her chin split open, bleeding everywhere, but the pain in her ankle took most of her focus. Laura Lee was quick to mend her ankle, but Jackie waved off her offer to heal her chin. It was nothing worth using magic over. She cleaned it up quickly, and then continued on their way as it throbbed. Her ankle itched at the bone, which was an infuriating sensation. 

The rest of the journey, however, was successful. So successful that Nat admitted they might not be entirely hopeless, which Jackie had learned over the past few days was high praise coming from Nat. Lottie even managed to convince (and pay) Nat to continue with them to their next dungeon. 

So they continued on like that for a while. Going from small dungeon to small dungeon, picking up party members here and there, and dropping others. Nat stuck around—she had decided she liked them, and Jackie appreciated how straightforward she was. Nat always said exactly what was on her mind. She wasn’t afraid of what anybody else thought—Jackie admired it. 

At one point, a fighter named Jeff joined their group at a dungeon, and he had immediately become infatuated with Jackie. She did her best to be polite, but kept all of his advances at arm’s length. She had absolutely no interest in him, or anybody for that matter. She had never pictured her future with anyone other than Shauna—which was something she had started to think more deeply about. 

By the end of the week that they worked together, Jeff proposed to Jackie, which shocked and appalled her more than anything. Nat laughed in his face at the public proposal, and Jackie awkwardly refused. 

They skipped town pretty quickly after that one.

Twice over the few years of their journey, Jackie was overcome with that same sharp, excruciating pain, followed by the overwhelming hollowness. Both times had Jackie urging the group that they were definitely ready to deal with the Wilderness now, and the group talking her down from a probable suicide mission. 

Luckily, the feelings ended, and Jackie knew Shauna was okay. She was going to give her the biggest piece of her mind the next time she saw her. 

Along their journey they also picked up Van and Travis, both of whom stuck around. Van would come and go, usually heading off somewhere for a few days, but she would return before they ventured into any other dungeons. Travis was dungeoneering in order to support his little brother, Javi. He and Nat had a thing for a little while before they called it off, but Jackie was pretty sure Nat and Lottie also had something going on. 

Jackie had no idea where that left Lottie and Laura Lee who had always been nearly as close as Shauna and her. Jackie thought for a moment about how she would feel if Shauna suddenly started seeing someone—and immediately hated it. It felt wrong. But, Jackie stayed out of it all; she had enough on her mind without taking on others’ relationship problems.

Despite any relationship drama, it was nice. She knew she could count on all of these people to look after her and have her back, and she knew she would do the same. It was a feeling she had missed over the years. 

Finally, after making it through one of the most difficult dungeons in the land, Jackie felt like they were prepared enough for the Wilderness. Truly this time, not just in a ploy to get there faster. It had been nearly four years of work, but their party was solid. 

Getting to the Wilderness dungeon took a week or so, and the closer they got to the dungeon the more Jackie’s skin seemed to buzz with anticipation. She couldn’t stand still. Couldn’t sleep. She just knew Shauna would be there, and it was all she could think about. Would she look the same?

Jackie was standing with the group in the town, planning out their journey, when the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Not in the cold, foreboding way that meant danger—in the warm, inviting way that urged her to look. She turned, and scanned briefly through the crowd until—

There.

She would know those deep, brown eyes anywhere. Shauna was right there , standing a crowd away, for the first time in four years, and Jackie had stopped breathing. Her hair was shorter; it went to the top of her shoulder now, though she had half of it up in a bun. She used to have it that length when they were kids, before an emphasis was put on hair care and length by their professors. 

There was no staff in sight of her, but Jackie’s eyes immediately caught on the armor and sword at her side. She looked stronger, muscles more defined than they had ever been before. Had Jackie’s mouth been closed she would have noticed how dry it was, but her jaw had dropped down. Shauna looked tired, but she was still the most beautiful person Jackie had ever seen. 

A sudden hand on Shauna’s shoulder drew Jackie’s attention immediately. Her brows furrowed, eyes narrowing, and she frowned at the tall woman standing next to Shauna, looking at her concerned. Who was that? They seemed close. Shauna didn’t like it when someone she wasn’t close to touched her.

Just as Jackie took a step forward, Shauna turned to the woman, said something, and then walked off. The woman looked around, her gaze passing over Jackie, before following behind. 

Shauna had left. Again. Just like that. Did she actually hate Jackie? Jackie had spent years fighting her own thoughts on whether or not Shauna hated her, never quite landing on a conclusion, but this was pretty damning evidence. She still couldn’t get over how she just walked away—Jackie seethed.

“Jack!” Nat swatted to her shoulder, alerted her to the attention of the rest of the group.

“Whatever you decide is fine—I’m going to the inn.” Jackie stormed off grumpily, leaving concerned and confused faces behind. She gripped her staff tightly, just to keep from randomly screaming her frustrations in the middle of the street.

  I can’t believe her.

When she got to the inn, she unclasped the heart necklace that had rested continually at her neck for years and dropped it into her coin pouch. Lottie and Laura Lee didn’t verbally question her, but their eyes said enough. 

——————————----------------

So maybe Jackie let her frustration build too much over night, and maybe that’s why when she saw Shauna the next day on the first level she didn’t think. She just acted . She marched right up to Shauna in the middle of the crowded level and pushed . 

Even with her full weight behind it, Shauna only stumbled back a single step. Jackie suddenly felt the entire crowd around them pause, watch, and wait with baited breath. The hundreds of eyes on them brought Jackie back to herself and— oh, she had just pushed Shauna.  

She barely registered the people behind Shauna reaching for weapons or Shauna waving them off; she was still stuck on the fact that this was Shauna right in front of her for the first time in years. She wanted to scream at her, she wanted to cry, she wanted to hug her, she wanted to shake her, she wanted . Jackie took in Shauna’s face now that she was close enough, the way she couldn’t the day before.

She cataloged every inch she could—most of her face was intimately familiar, though Jackie’s eyes caught on a small scar right on the bridge of Shauna’s nose. She found herself reaching out towards it instinctively before she caught herself, shook her head, and redirected her hand to grab Shauna’s collar—not cup her cheek. 

“We are going to get through this dungeon, find the ruler of the Wilderness, and defeat him. And you , are going to stay out of our way.” Jackie found herself saying for some reason. She didn’t care about the Wilderness at all, but it was the only thing that she could think to say at that moment. Everything else was still too much. Her hand shook lightly against Shauna’s collar, so she hastily let go, pushing slightly against Shauna again before walking off past Lottie and Laura Lee. 

Her entire body was shaking as she walked off to a more secluded area on the level.

“Uh, who was that?” Van asked, startling Jackie. She rounded to see that the group followed, Lottie and Laura Lee slightly behind but quickly surpassing them and each grabbing one of Jackie’s arms gently.

“I was not expecting that from you.” Lottie mumbled. Jackie barked a laugh and ran her hands over her face. 

“Neither was I.” 

“I’m guessing that’s who you want to prove wrong?” Nat leaned against a nearby wall. Jackie’s brow furrowed in confusion until she remembered what she had told Nat when they first met. She nodded.

“Yeah…I guess so. Anyway, let’s just get moving—I didn’t mean to cause a scene .” Jackie headed deeper into the dungeon, Lottie following after her quickly. 

“So…am I the only one who thought they were going to—“ Van said quietly, but not quietly enough for Jackie not to hear. 

“Do not mention it,” Laura Lee warned back, “….but no, you're not the only one.” She added in a whisper that Jackie did not appreciate. 

“I can’t believe her.” Jackie muttered, shaking her head. “I saw her yesterday across the square and you know what she did? She walked away! And then she didn’t even say anything to me just now.” Jackie turned to Lottie, her arms moving as she ranted. 

“Maybe she didn’t know what to do either…and to be fair, Jack, you didn’t really let her speak.” 

Jackie huffed then groaned. “This is not going to plan.” 

“Some things you can’t plan for.” Lottie patted Jackie’s shoulder. 

——————————----------------

The reputation of the Wilderness was not kidding—this was by far the most difficult and exhausting dungeon they had ever been in. It had taken them nearly 10 days to reach the fifth level, and four of those days had been spent miserably trudging across the fourth level. They were all exhausted, but they had finally made it to the fifth level—the deepest any party had made it so far. Everything beyond this level was just speculation. 

The entire forest gave Jackie an eerie feeling, like she was being watched… beckoned to. They were making their way through the dense trees, Natalie leading the way to look for a place to set up camp for the night when they quite literally stumbled upon Shauna’s party. 

Shauna looked shocked to see them, which Jackie found mildly insulting. She had no idea the amount of work Jackie had put into this over the last four years. She crossed her arms and deliberately looked away from Shauna; her gaze instead landing on the woman from before who had put her hand on Shauna’s shoulder. 

“Oh!” Laura Lee clapped her hands together. “This is actually perfect timing—we were just about to set up camp. Would it be alright if we camped together for the night? Safety in numbers!” 

Jackie wanted to curse Laura Lee for the suggestion, but she could never bring herself to be mad at Laura Lee. She glared at the woman next to Shauna instead. The woman caught her eye and quirked her eyebrow at Jackie. Jackie just looked away, and after the agreement to share camp for the night, Jackie walked to the direct opposite side of where Shauna was to set up her place for the night. 

They ate a lackluster meal, and Van started telling a story from their journey to the group, overembellishing as always. Jackie watched Shauna in her peripheral vision the entire time, but she refused to catch her eye.

As soon as she finished eating, Jackie excused herself from the group for the night, and went off to her bed roll. She placed Ophelia down beside her and lay down on her side, back facing the rest of the camp. She regulated her breathing the best she could to feign sleep, and she listened. Just waiting to finally hear her voice again. There was nothing. The night was winding down, more and more people were heading to bed and then—

“I’ll take the first watch.” There . It had been so long since she heard Shauna’s regular voice; it had been superseded in her memory by her final yells. Jackie’s eyes dropped close as her ears begged for more, but no more came. She heard the shuffling of bodies as everyone turned in and then a stillness. 

While Jackie didn’t hear her anymore, she felt Shauna’s gaze intensely every time it would land on her and stay there for varying lengths of time. She tried not to care. She tried not to think of other times in her life, where Shauna would have walked over and joined her—would have even slipped into her bed roll with Jackie if she asked. 

Suddenly, her bedroll was both suffocating and cavernous at the same time. She slipped out from the bedroll, and headed off into the woods, just far enough to be covered by the trees. She could still see the glow of the fire in the distance to find her way back when she needed to. 

She leaned her forehead against the nearest tree, bringing her hands up to cover her face, and she let out a shuddering breath as tears rolled down her face. It was all still so messed up. She didn’t know what to do. She loved Shauna so much , but she was still so hurt—she could barely look at her without feeling the deep, cutting betrayal of everything that Shauna had said. She had left. For four years she hadn’t come back—Jackie had to go to her, and she was starting to think that, if she hadn’t, Shauna wouldn’t have ever come back to her. 

She seemed fine. She seemed completely settled in this new life of hers without Jackie and with… Tai, was how she introduced herself at dinner. Maybe she really didn’t need Jackie the way Jackie needed her . The thought made Jackie cry harder. 

“You shouldn’t have left the group.” Her favorite voice jolted her from her thoughts, and she straightened, taking a deep breath as she turned to Shauna. She crossed her arms.

“The camp is right there,” Jackie cleared her throat and motioned back toward the glow of the fire, “it’s not like it was far, and I was about to head back.” 

Shauna’s fists clenched at her sides. “This was dangerous . You’re completely inexperienced in here.”

Jackie barely contained a scoff. Shauna clearly thought so little of her. “I can handle myself.” 

“I know you, Jax; four years couldn’t change that much.” Jackie could hear the eyeroll in her words which amped her up even more—enough to ignore the pang in her heart at the slip of the nickname. 

“I thought I knew you too, Shauna, but that all changed in a single conversation!” She practically threw her hands up as she whisper-yelled. “Four years can do a lot.” 

“You can’t be this reckless in the dungeon!” Shauna exploded, motioning around them and stepping toward Jackie. 

“You’re one to talk about recklessness, Shauna,” Jackie scoffed, subconsciously moving closer to Shauna. “You just left your watch post—you’re endangering everyone ! At least I’m only endangering myself .” 

They weren’t whispering anymore, even though they had moved so close together that Jackie could see the fire ignite in Shauna’s eyes at her last sentence. She clenched her jaw, and Jackie’s eyes tracked the movement. Jackie had always thought that Shauna was the most beautiful person in the world, but that was her just being objective. There had always been a draw that Jackie felt to Shauna, and being this close to her again after four years apart seemed to just amplify that. She couldn’t help but glance at Shauna’s lips. She thought that Shauna was leaning in—her eyes drifting closed, anticipating—

Snap.

Shauna wrapped her arms around Jackie and dove off to the side as a massive, shadowy form sped past them. Before Jackie even registered that she was on the ground, Shauna was pushing her up and back toward the camp. 

“Go!” 

Jackie scrambled back to camp, fighting the urge to turn to make sure Shauna was okay—they needed help. “ Help! Everyone get up!” 

Jackie broke through the trees; the noise she was making already startled most of the two parties awake. She rushed to her bedroll, grabbing her staff. “ Hurry !” She rushed back toward Shauna, not checking to see who was following her, but she heard the crunching of many footsteps behind her. 

“It’s fast! Circle up—back-to-back!” Shauna shouted as soon as Jackie broke through the clearing. 

Members of Shauna’s party rush immediately next to her, so Jackie stood opposite Shauna in the large circle, watching her back as Nat, Laura Lee, Lottie, Van, and Travis filled in around her. 

There was an eerie silence and stillness as the group scanned the dark woods around them. Then, in the blink of an eye—

The mass charged the group, sending many sprawling, and Jackie stumbled forward, spreading further out. She turned to watch one of Shauna’s party, dragged into the woods by the creature, his neck suddenly turning with a sickening crack . 

In seconds the creature was barreling again, taking another one of Shauna’s party—it was going to pick them off one by one at this rate. Jackie looked around frantically trying to think, her eyes landing on Shauna, still standing her ground with her sword raised. 

She knew what was about to happen, and she wasn’t going to let it. “ Shauna !” 

It was instinct. She didn’t think; she just said the incantation, teleported next to Shauna, and used her entire body to push Shauna out of the way. 

The pain was all encompassing as she felt her entire waist get punctured with dozens of teeth. She didn’t look behind at the creature that was surely going to devour her, just kept her eyes on Shauna. She wanted her to be the last thing she saw. 

She reached her staff out toward Shauna whose eyes were wide, blank…uncomprehending. Shauna reached up and grabbed the staff. The creature opened its jaws again, ripping its top teeth from Jackie. Her thoughts were hazy, but she thought that that should have probably hurt a lot. 

Instead of screaming, she smiled. She murmured the incantation, her tongue thick. She could save Shauna and everyone else—they would be okay. They had each other, and Shauna had never needed Jackie anyway. 

“Go.” Jackie gurgled through the blood in her esophagus, taking in Shauna fully for one last time before the jaws of the creature closed over her entirely,  right as Shauna disappeared, taking Jackie’s staff with her. 

And then Jackie was alone, surrounded by the dark, warm, wet of the creature’s mouth. Had Jackie had enough wherewithal to panic, she would have, but everything felt so fuzzy. It was hard to breathe—her breaths coming out more like wheezing. She couldn’t feel her body. Everything was just so heavy and slow .

She knew she was dying. The muscles of the creature clenched around her and started to drag her down. 

Swallowed. 

She was being swallowed, but all she could think about was Shauna. She was dying and Shauna still probably hated her. She had failed her mom. She didn’t bring Shauna home. She would be okay though . Jackie comforted herself as everything seemed to fade away.

Shauna would be okay.

——————————----------------

Cold.

Jackie was cold. That was not unusual for her, but this was freezing . She could suddenly hear the harsh wind blowing against her, digging into her skin with each gust. She was outside? Why was she outside? 

It was dark— so dark . Why was it so dark? 

Suddenly she started to feel her body around her again. Her toes were numb, her knees knocked together, her shoulders shook, her teeth chattered, and her eyes—they were tightly shut. She wrenched them open; she could feel the ice and snow sticking to her skin pull at the action. 

Squinting, she looked around. She was in the middle of the woods, and she was alone. She couldn’t remember what she was doing out here, but she had to find shelter soon if she wanted to survive. She looked around briefly for her staff, but she didn’t see it around her. She couldn’t remember when or where she last had it. 

In her desperate looking around, she caught movement in her periphery. Just enough to see a humanoid figure moving through the trees in the distance through the branches. Relieved at the sight of any kind of humanoid life, Jackie forewent her caution, and started after the figure. 

“Hello!?” She shouted against the wind as she lost sight of the figure. 

She tucked her head down as she walked through the forest, the wind buffeting against her face. Trudging through the snow, each step felt like it took ages, her feet felt leadened. Looking up again, it looked like she had made no progress, or rather she couldn’t tell if she had made progress as her footprints in the snow were already covered up again behind her. 

As she turned around to face forward once more, she could once again make out the humanoid shape in the distance, just standing there. Jackie couldn’t tell if it was waiting for her, but she could feel it watching her. She slowly extended one of her arms that was crossed over her body in a wave, but then the figure once more disappeared into the wind and snow. 

“Wait!” Jackie shouted, crossing her arms once more to try to keep her core warm. 

She tried to cast a spell to warm up her body, but it was like her mana was frozen. She could feel it in her body, but for some reason she wasn’t able to utilize it. Shivering, and with nothing else to do, Jackie continued on. 

She didn’t know how long she walked for; she just kept her head down and kept going. The icy wind continually cut into her, and she started to wonder when hypothermia would set it. She would feel warm then wouldn’t she? That wouldn’t be so bad compared to the constant, stinging, burning cold of the wind and snow. It was supposed to feel like falling asleep. 

She didn’t get warmer. Hypothermia didn’t set in as she continued her way through the trees for…she didn’t know how long. 

She just walked. 

And walked.

And walked.

Whenever she looked around her the trees looked the same, but she must’ve been making progress. She was exhausted. She was nearly too cold and tired to think, but there was a small persistent thought in the back of her mind that something was missing. How did she get out here so far? Why was she out here? 

She usually hated being outside in the cold unless….unless Shauna was out there with her. Shauna. That was who was missing—where was she? Is that who Jackie had been searching for? Why didn’t she wait for Jackie whenever she glimpsed her in the distance? Why did she leave Jackie behind? Alone?

At the thought, Jackie felt all strength leave her body. Her feet sank deep into the snow, and pulling even one of them up was like fighting quicksand. Why was she still walking anyway? What was the point? She collapsed to her knees, expecting to sink into the deep snow, but it was only a few inches. 

In an instant, the wind had died down and the snow had gone from being feet deep, to mere inches. The weight on her legs disappeared, but they still ached from use. She lifted her head that had dropped down to her chest and looked around, confused. The trees that seemingly went on forever had stopped, and Jackie was suddenly in a clearing. 

In the middle of the clearing stood a small cabin with dim light emanating through the windows from inside. Jackie struggled to her feet; her only thought was to get in from the cold. She did not wonder or worry about how as she stumbled up the stairs, the door opened for her, inviting her in. 

As soon as she passed the threshold, she collapsed onto the wooden floor. The door swung shut behind her with a long, slow creak. Jackie wished there was relief. As she closed her eyes, she wished she could feel the warmth blanketing her, pulling off the cold that had stung her. 

She didn’t feel any of that. 

Despite the light in the cabin, this house was colder than anything she had felt outside. It seeped into her bones in a familiar, dreadful way that reminded her of her childhood. “Please, come in.” 

The voice startled her from her thoughts, as she looked up at a tall, gaunt man. His face was nearly devoid of emotion, but there was a glint in his eyes that sent an additional shiver down Jackie’s spine. Jackie pushed herself back onto her feet despite the shivers wracking her body. 

The man motioned to the table, and one of the chairs pulled out on its own. “Sit…we’re so glad that you could finally join us, Jackie .” 

Jackie felt herself move toward the chair, even though she didn’t want to. She felt compelled to. She sat down in the chair gingerly, right at the edge, her posture as perfect as her mother had instilled in her at the young age of three. “Us?” She questioned, not impolitely— never impolitely. 

The man nodded, and sat down opposite to her. “My family and I.” 

Jackie glanced around the cabin. It was old. Unkempt. There were no signs of life at all other than the burning candles, and certainly not enough signs of life for an entire family. “W—where are they? Your family?” 

Jackie glanced back at the man, and his eyes glazed over at the question, his brows furrowing. “My family…. where… ” He trailed off before his face returned to its neutral positioning with unsettling speed. “They’re always here with me.” 

Even his voice had seemed to change within his answer—going from confused to assured. Jackie wanted to leave. She wanted to go back out in the cold and just take her chances wandering. She wanted to find Shauna. 

She couldn’t move. As much as she urged her body to run , she just continued to sit there. “Are you hungry?” 

The question threw Jackie, and she was certain that she should be…she just wasn’t. Cautiously, she shook her head. 

“Are you sure? You were out there for quite a while…I would be starving .” The man leaned forward, and there was suddenly a bowl of some kind of stew being pushed across the table toward her.

From the corner of her eye, Jackie caught his reflection in the window, and she could have sworn for a brief moment he was someone else. Some thing else. Something vaguely humanoid with antlers branching out from his head. 

Her eyes quickly flicked back over to the man who was watching her intently. Waiting. Jackie looked down at the stew. The broth looked like little else other than water, and there were no vegetables to be seen. Just some kind of meat. 

“I—I’m really not that hungry. You should have it.” Jackie tried pushing the bowl back toward the man, but it wouldn’t budge. 

“I insist . The children didn’t want to at first either, but they came to love it.” Every warning bell that had been embedded in her as a child was blaring in her mind. She was in danger. She couldn’t move. She had to stall. 

“What about your, um, wife?” 

At the question the man looked off to the side, gazing off into nothing, seeing something that was not there Jackie had no doubt. “She never got the chance to try it.” There was a deep seated melancholy in his tone, discordant to the vacant expression still on his face. “She put everything into making it.” 

Jackie felt nausea bubble up within her at the answer, understanding slowly dawning on her. “…where are your children?” 

The question drew the man’s gaze back to her, and she immediately regretted doing so. The glint in his eyes returned, and a shadow stretched behind him onto the wall, climbing higher and higher up the wall, splitting out at his head into a pair of antlers. “The winter was so harsh, and it wouldn’t stop—it wouldn’t end . We had to eat. We had to eat. We had to eat… I had to eat. Eat. ” 

The man insisted, pushing the bowl further toward Jackie, and Jackie realized that it wasn’t just a figurative glint in his eyes—the light of the cabin was actually reflecting off of his eyes, like an animal’s would. Jackie shook her head vehemently. 

“No.”

“You don’t feel it gnawing at you? It is. Constantly . Tearing away bit by bit from the inside out. If you don’t eat—it will devour you until there’s nothing left.” Jackie felt like she was suffocating. Her vision blackened at the edges until all she could see was the stew and those reflective eyes glinting back at her. 

She tried to shake her head— meant to , but nothing happened. Instead, her hand shakily lifted and reached toward the spoon against her own volition. Her fingers had just grasped around the spoon when there was a sudden pounding at the door. 

The oppressive atmosphere lifted as the man looked toward the door, seeming as confused as he probably could. The pounding didn’t stop. In fact, it was constant and got heavier. The man continued to sit there, just looking at the door. 

“ JACKIE !” The voice seemingly came from everywhere , but it especially pounded within her own head. Shauna. That’s right, she had been looking for Shauna. There was her hunger.

Jackie shot up from the table, surprised at the sudden ease, but she didn’t stop moving. She tried to open the door, but it was stuck, only budging a bit. Sending a panicked look over her shoulder, she was relieved to find the man still seated. “…I see now.” He said to himself.

The pounding grew louder as Jackie tugged harder. 

“We’ll see you again soon, Jackie.” The man’s voice sounded distorted, layered with something else. 

With one final tug, the door finally flew open, nearly sending Jackie sprawling backward. She surged forward, crossing the cabin threshold. 

She had to get back to Shauna. 

——————————----------------

She was suffocating. She was choking. She was swallowing. 

Someone turned her on her side, and then she was retching . All she could taste was iron as she coughed the liquid up, but then— finally, she could breathe. She took several deep, wheezing breaths until she finally peeled her eyes open. They were sticky. 

It was dark, but there was something glowing nearby. Everything was still fuzzy and out of focus, tears from her hacking still falling down her face as Jackie struggled to understand what was going on. Everything was so jumbled, but there was someone above her. 

Her eyes finally met two big brown ones and everything that was important came back into focus. She knew those eyes anywhere. “Sh…auna?” Even though her voice came out gravelly and rough, the name was like a balm for her throat. 

She gasped and fell forward into Jackie, wrapping her in her arms as they collapsed back onto the ground. “ Jackie!” Shauna sobbed, Jackie could feel her entire body shaking as Shauna pressed her face into Jackie’s chest.

She could feel Shauna against her entire body . Though her body didn’t really feel like hers yet; she felt like she was hovering just outside of it. Still, she recognized that  usually there were clothes there and there weren’t. A shuddering, lingering thought of a dream…was it?…had Jackie draping her arms across Shauna’s back in the most exhausted attempt at a hug. “…cold.” Was all she could manage.

At her word, Shauna shifted—she was trying to get up. She was trying to leave . Jackie didn’t want that. She couldn’t have that. Without Shauna she would freeze. She tried to pull Shauna back to her, but she could barely enforce any pressure.

Thankfully, a large blanket surrounded them and a familiar, kind face crouched beside them. “Laura Lee.” She mumbled, unable to say anything else to convey her thanks.

“I’m so happy to see you,” was her teary response. 

Jackie hummed. Had she gone somewhere? She must’ve gotten lost. She remembered wandering. 

Movement on her other side caught her attention as another familiar face approached. “Lottie.”

The mage looked exhausted. “How are you feeling?” 

Jackie paused. How was she feeling? She was cold, that was for sure…but other than that. She shrugged. 

“She’s still confused.” Jackie felt Shauna speak into her skin, the words reverberating through her body. Hitting her heart first and then traveling throughout her bloodstream, warming her. Her arms twitched at the sensation and held tighter. 

Other figures moved into view—these were familiar as well, but the names took a moment to come to her. “Nat…Van.” Jackie turned to the second tallest figure in the group. There was a vague familiarity there, as well as something else—an irritation. “…Tai.” She finally found the name.

“I didn’t expect you to remember me.” Tai’s eyebrows shot up, and Jackie instinctively wrapped her arms more securely around Shauna. 

“I’m Misty!” The exclamation drew her attention away from the fighter. This person…she didn’t know. There was not a single string tugging in her mind to lead her to a name. Her contemplation was interrupted by a loud gurgling in her stomach—she hadn’t even realized she was hungry. She just felt so full. “Oh! This is perfect timing—we were just about to have dinner.” 

For some reason the mention of dinner made her wary. There were flashes of tension, fear, and helplessness, but she couldn’t quite place where they stemmed from. Shauna nuzzled further into her chest, and Jackie spread her fingers against her back. 

The others were speaking, but Jackie was too focused on the weight of Shauna against her to notice. If she pulled a little harder, she wondered if she could finally fuse them together. Shauna nodded—was she thinking the same thing?

“I do.” Oh, Shauna was speaking to everyone else. Jackie looked around at the group, trying to figure out what they had been talking about. 

“Lottie, are you sure we should be straying right now?” That was Nat, even if Jackie couldn’t really see her beyond the area of dim light around them.

“It’s protecting us for now.” What was protecting them? A sense of foreboding filled Jackie—and then Shauna started to move. That couldn’t happen. Jackie gripped tightly onto Shauna’s back, digging her fingertips into the muscle there. 

“I’m not leaving, Jax. I promise.” Shauna’s lips brushed her breast bone as she spoke. Promised . Something in Jackie panged at the word, but she still loosened her grip a bit. Not enough to let go, but enough that Shauna could push herself up onto her hands and knees. Jackie let her hands drag up Shauna’s back until they circled her neck. Jackie’s fingers twitched with the urge to play with the hairs at the base of Shauna’s neck. 

“Come on, we’ll get you someplace warm.” Shauna said as she started to wrap Jackie in the blanket Laura Lee had brought them. She wanted to tell Shauna that she had already been in the warmest place she could be, but her throat still felt too raw for that many words. 

In Shauna’s haste to bundle Jackie up, she completely dislodged Jackie’s arms from their place around her, leaving Jackie disconnected from Shauna for the first time since she woke up. The cold started to creep back in, and Jackie couldn’t allow that. She slipped a hand out from the blanket and tangled Shauna’s pinky with her own. A tether. 

Next they were being helped up by Tai and Van, and Jackie’s legs struggled to hold her own weight. It was as if she had never walked before—she was filled with a deep aching throughout her body and right down to her bones. She looked down at her feet, for the first time noticing the copious amounts of blood on the ground surrounding her, the massive corpse of a creature off to the side, as well as the remains of a ritual with some familiar, concerning runes. 

“We should head to the fire for now—“

“A cabin! Lottie found a cabin!” Dread settled into Jackie at Nat’s exclamation, but she couldn’t place why. Before she had time to dwell on it, they were already heading after Nat. 

The trek was rough in the beginning; Van had to shoulder almost all of Jackie’s weight. As the walk continued though, Jackie started to feel rejuvenated rather than tired. It was like the movement was facilitating the flow of mana through her body, and there seemed to be an influx of it. Jackie had never been lacking in mana, but the amount she currently felt in her body was immense. Her aches faded away, and even the rawness of her throat seemed to right itself.

She was actually feeling better than ever by the time they broke through the trees; she was even dragging Shauna forward by their pinkies. There was a slight prickling sense on the back of her neck, but Jackie attributed it to the buzzing of the mana under her skin. 

Lottie walked out of the cabin as they approached. It was strange—it looked vaguely familiar to her, but Jackie supposed a cabin looks like a cabin. She had seen plenty in her lifetime that probably reminded her of this. 

“We got a bath ready for you both. We can bring food to you, but you both are in desperate need of a wash.” Jackie snorted at Lottie’s exhausted, but still slightly judgmental tone.

Tai and Van helped them up the stairs and into the cabin, leading them to a room in the back. Jackie’s gaze did not stray far, as Shauna’s breath hitched as soon as they entered the cabin. She watched Shauna look around the cabin and wondered what she was seeing. 

Entering the room, they came to a stop in front of a small metal basin. “We’ll be okay.” Shauna eased away from Tai’s support and Jackie followed suit.

“Thank you.” She cleared her throat. 

“We’ll check in later if you need.” Van offered with a gentle pat to Jackie’s shoulder before they left the room. Tai mirrored the action on Shauna.

“ Please clean yourself. You look and smell worse than Jackie, and she’s literally covered in blood.” Jackie disagreed with Tai. Okay, yes , there was the acrid stench of bile coming from Shauna, but beneath that she still smelled the same. That was all Jackie could focus on; she didn’t even notice the bile anymore.

Jackie didn’t realize Tai had left until she heard the door closing. She looked up, from where her gaze had fallen in thought, to Shauna. Shauna who tried to move away from her—Jackie tried to pull her back. Shauna paused, turned, and looked down at their pinkies. She loosened her hold, and Jackie frantically curled her pinky tighter. And then—

Shauna smiled . Jackie knew all of Shauna’s smiles—unless she developed new ones in the past four years (Jackie didn’t want to think about that)—and this was one of her favorites. It was her shy, satisfied smile. The one she would get when she was proud of a joke she made or when she would beat Jackie in a race when they were little. It was a lopsided upturn of her lips that briefly revealed a flash of teeth before her lips set in a smirk. Jackie hadn’t seen it in years. 

“Come on, let’s wipe off.” Shauna tugged and Jackie followed; she didn’t care where they went. 

Shauna grabbed a rag and started to wipe the blood off of Jackie’s arm, carefully and caringly. It had been so long since she had seen Shauna this soft . She couldn’t take her eyes away. Soon enough, Shauna had made it all the way up her arm. The blanket was in the way now, so Jackie just let it drop—she was plenty warm enough. 

Leaning away to wring out the cloth with a shuddering breath, Shauna then moved back in, lifting their combined hands to cradle Jackie’s face. The position for Jackie’s hand was a bit awkward, but she could barely bring herself to care as Shauna tenderly wiped at her face. Jackie’s eyes fell shut and she let Shauna guide her head whichever way she needed. 

Jackie unlinked their pinkies briefly, just so that she could cover Shauna’s entire hand with her own. She squeezed Shauna’s hand between her own hand and her cheek, willing it to stay there forever. Thinking of a night a long time ago where Shauna cradled the same cheek and promised her that she’d always want her. 

Shauna was rubbing her thumb gently along Jackie’s chin—she wanted it to climb higher, to catch her lip and pull it down and—

“When did this happen?” Jackie’s eyes fluttered open at the question to see a frown on Shauna’s face. Why was she frowning? When did what happen? Shauna swiped her thumb across Jackie’s chin again, and she felt Shauna’s thumb pass over the sensitive scar on her chin. Oh. That.

“Three years ago…stair trap.”

Nodding, Shauna kept her gaze on the scar. Jackie watched her, her eyes naturally lidded from the angle Shauna had tilted her head to. She was still frowning, her brow furrowed as she looked at the scar, as if she was upset at its very existence. Jackie really didn’t mind the scar—she forgot it was there most of the time.

Suddenly, Shauna was leaning in, and then soft, slightly chapped lips were pressing very intentionally against her chin. Jackie’s breath hitched. After a moment, Shauna moved back and continued on wiping the blood from Jackie, but Jackie was rooted to that spot, to that moment . 

That kiss didn’t solve everything. It didn’t resolve their past, but it told Jackie that there was still love there. All of Shauna’s actions since she…woke up (she was starting to grasp what had really happened) had oozed of love and regret. Love and regret were things they could move forward with—even with everything else there. 

“You can get in first while I wipe myself off, Jax.” Shauna had finished wiping Jackie down in the midst of her musings, and was already halfway undressed. Jackie shamelessly cataloged the changes to Shauna’s body; it was largely the same, just more defined. Still beautiful. Three prominent scars caught her attention, especially the one on her leg still red with irritation at the edges of it. It was recent. Very recent. 

Jackie snatched the cloth before Shauna had a chance to grab it. “I’ll do it.” Jackie prepared for an argument. If she had taken away anything from their fight, it was that Shauna hated Jackie making decisions for her. 

Surprisingly, Shauna acquiesced without argument, and Jackie started to wipe Shauna down, just like she had done to her. Though she couldn’t help but appreciate her newly defined arms as she did, barely resisting a squeeze. She took her time, in absolutely no rush to remove herself from this intimate bubble, but there was only so much of Shauna’s arms she could clean. 

Finally, she moved up and over Shauna’s shoulder toward her chest, when a gold chain caught her eye. She didn’t know how she didn’t notice it before—Shauna was wearing her necklace. She laid her hand against the pendant where it fell directly over the most worrisome scar. Jackie traced them both with her finger, and she felt the fast thrumming of Shauna’s heartbeat.

Jackie thought she knew exactly when Shauna got this scar, but she needed to know more. She tapped her finger against the scar and Shauna’s breath hitched. Jackie tilted her head, and raised her eyebrow—a silent question that she knew Shauna would understand. 

“Living Armor.” Shauna mumbled. It was enough for now. Jackie leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the edge of the scar. She continued washing. The cloth trailed down to Shauna’s abdomen, and Jackie traced the claw marks there with three fingers. Shauna clenched. “Harpies.” 

Jackie knelt down to wipe Shauna’s legs, gently passing the cloth over the scar there, but Shauna still hissed. Jackie ripped the cloth away, worried that she hurt Shauna, looking up to make sure she was okay. “…The Guardian of the Wilderness.” 

Jackie had never heard of such a creature, but a pit formed in her stomach at the mention of it. Shauna reached down, and Jackie instinctively took the offered hand; she would take anything Shauna would give her. 

Shauna pulled her up and then helped her get situated in the bath before getting in herself. The warm water felt amazing, Jackie hadn’t really registered just how dirty she was, but now that she had had a while to adjust, she felt gross . She could tell Shauna felt the same with the heavy sigh she let out as she sank as deep into the basin as she could with their knees knocking together. Jackie watched as Shauna rested her head against the lip of the tub and fought to keep her eyes open. 

Jackie sank into the basin too, enough to cover her shoulders which felt too exposed to the chill of the room. The cabin was cold. 

“You look tired.” Jackie murmured and Shauna huffed out a laugh. 

“I’m just out of mana. I’ll be fine by morning.” Jackie worried her lip; mana sickness was no joke, especially with an injury like Shauna’s.

“You were hurt.” 

“I’ve had worse.” Jackie glanced at the top of the scar over her heart. Of course Shauna wouldn’t properly take care of herself now, just because she’s had worse before. She felt the buzzing of mana under her skin, just itching to be released. 

She reached her hand out underwater, searching around until she finally grasped Shauna’s hand. She pulled it out of the water and flipped it so she could look at her palm with a deep gash sliced through it. Yet another hint telling Jackie what had actually happened.  She traced a finger around the wound before clasping Shauna’s hand between her palms. She let her mana flow outward, and did as she always had—thought about how she wanted Shauna to get better. 

Shauna wrenched her hand away, but Jackie felt the wound already open on her own palm. “Jackie, you can’t—you need to rest.”

“I feel fine,” Jackie looked down at the wound now in her own palm that was already beginning to close. “Better than fine. I feel like my mana is overflowing.” The wound finished closing and Jackie wiggled her fingers. 

Next, she reached into the tub once more and grasped Shauna’s leg. She felt Shauna try to wiggle away, but there wasn’t enough room. Jackie transferred the wound to herself, the itchy, hastily healed scar already easing its intensity by the time the transfer finished. 

They lapsed into silence, and Jackie watched Shauna watch her. 

In the past hour, Jackie had been trying to make sense of her memories. She remembered getting to the Wilderness. She remembered arguing with Shauna. She remembered…pain. Then there was nothing. Nothing but vague images, flashes, and feelings—and then she was awake and choking and in Shauna’s arms. Shauna who was crying and looked so happy to see her, surrounded by blood and circles and runes.

She just needed confirmation. 

“I’ve been trying to make sense of things—everything’s so…muddled, still.” Jackie took a deep breath. “I died…didn’t I?” Jackie met Shauna’s eyes as they widened, Jackie could see the internal panic. It was confirmation enough, but Jackie still needed it verbally. “And those runes,” she continued, “Shauna, tell me you didn’t.” 

Shauna set her shoulders, the way she always did when she was about to be incredibly stubborn. “I did what I had to do.” 

That was it? I did what I had to do . She used ancient, forbidden magic and that was all she had to say!? Jackie forced her hand forward, sending a wave of water crashing into Shauna’s face. 

“Are you stupid—do you know how dangerous that could have been!?”

Shauna sputtered, wiping her face, bewildered, until her jaw set and her face twisted into a sneer. “What—you don’t appreciate me making a decision for the both of us?” 

Jackie pulled at her hair to keep from throttling Shauna. How was she not understanding this? “That is not what this is about.” Shauna scoffed, and Jackie’s eyes widened further. “You could’ve been seriously hurt, Shauna! You have no idea what the price of that type of magic could be—“ 

“You were gone !” Shauna practically screamed; the words raw, vulnerable, and revealing everything. Oh . “What was I supposed to do?” Shauna’s lip quivered as tears spilled over.  

Jackie always thought that Shauna would be fine without her— she was the one who needed Shauna—but maybe Shauna needed her just as much. Maybe Shauna was doing the only thing she could think of to protect Jackie just like Jackie had done for her. 

“I don’t…I don’t know.” Jackie reached over, cupping Shauna’s face and wiping the tears away. If the roles were reversed, Jackie wasn’t sure what she would do…beyond lose her mind. 

“Wouldn’t you do the same for me?” Shauna mumbled as she leaned into Jackie’s hand. Jackie was filled with a pleasant, fuzzy warmth at the action. 

“I would die for you.” Jackie said simply. 

“I’m still mad about that.” Shauna practically pouted, and Jackie had to fight a smile. 

“I’m still mad about a lot of things,” she admitted, “but for tonight can we just be okay? ” That was all Jackie wanted—even if part of it was pretending. She wanted to go back to being Jackie and Shauna, just for the night. 

Shauna opened her eyes and met Jackie’s. Jackie’s heart stopped until Shauna nodded, and Jackie allowed herself to feel whole again. 

“Come here.” She slid her hand down Shauna’s neck to tug her forward from her shoulder. Shauna came willingly, maneuvering herself until she was laying on her side between Jackie’s legs; her face tucked into Jackie’s neck. Jackie swiftly wrapped Shauna in her arms and rested her cheek against Shauna’s temple. She didn’t want there to be a single place without contact between them.  “I missed you.” 

Shauna’s arms slipped around her beneath the surface and squeezed . They felt like one being. It felt like home. “I missed you.” Shauna whispered into the skin of her neck, pressing her lips there in a kiss afterward and keeping them there. Part of Jackie wanted to feel teeth.

She scratched at Shauna’s scalp, starting at her nape and making her way up. She encountered plenty of tangles. “Now let’s see what we can do with this hair. It is seriously a mess right now, Shippy.” The old nickname falling from her lips easily. 

“Yours is hardly better.” Jackie could feel the pout form against her neck. Shauna was being adorable, and Jackie couldn’t even see it. She gently started to separate out the tangles.

“Yeah, well, I think I have an excuse—I didn’t even have hair an hour ago.” Jackie didn’t realize her mistake until Shauna’s nails dug into the meat of Jackie’s thigh. 

“ Don’t joke about that.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jackie hissed and Shauna’s grip lightened. “No more dead jokes from me. I promise.” Jackie pressed a kiss to Shauna’s temple before continuing on her mission to salvage Shauna’s hair. 

It took a while, but finally Jackie was satisfied with her progress. She ran her fingers through Shauna’s clean and tangle free hair, her hand resting between her shoulder blades as she scratched at her nape. 

“You cut your hair.” 

“You grew yours out.” Shauna mumbled into Jackie’s neck, her eyes shut and face relaxed. Jackie hummed. She hadn’t grown it out intentionally, she just hadn’t had time to get it trimmed. Though, she admitted, it did help with her mana upkeep. 

Shauna shifted, sitting up from her position even as Jackie tried to drag her back to her, practically whining. “Your turn.” 

On second thought, Jackie loved the sound of that. Shauna returned to her side of the basin and was barely able to open her arms before Jackie threw herself into them. Water splashed over the side of the basin, but Jackie didn’t care. She burrowed into Shauna, finding her favorite spot, relieved that they still fit . She nuzzled her face into Shauna’s shoulder before shifting her head over to rest against Shauna’s heart. 

Jackie let herself lean into Shauna’s ministrations and let her mind wander. The feeling of the scar against her cheek led her mind right back to a desperate day three years ago. “I felt it, you know? When you…” Jackie couldn’t bring herself to say that Shauna had died. “The first time.” She nuzzled into the scar and then tapped her finger against the heart pendant of her necklace. “I wanted to leave the academy immediately—I almost did, but Lottie and Laura Lee stopped me. They promised me that they’d come with, but we had to finish our certifications first. You came back right when I was planning to sneak out—I felt that too. Did you…?” Jackie trailed off.

Did you feel me? Did you feel the hollowness too? Am I a part of you as much as you are a part of me? Jackie was filled with questions, but she let Shauna fill in the blank for this one. 

“Yeah, I did—I could…the entire time.” Jackie sighed, relieved at Shauna’s answer. She relaxed further, closing her eyes, as Shauna played with her hair; she idly played with the heart pendant, flipping it back and forth. “Jackie?”

“Hm?”

“ Promise me you won’t do that again.” Shauna pleaded. Promise she wouldn’t do what? Die for her? Jackie would do anything for Shauna. And it was a bit hypocritical of Shauna to ask that of Jackie when she had already died three times! Jackie had felt each and every one. She extracted herself from Shauna’s hold just far enough away to look her in the eye. 

“I will if you will.” It was the only offer she would give. The answer obviously threw Shauna, her mouth flapping open and closed. 

“I—I can’t, I don’t know what—“

“Then I can’t either.” Jackie shrugged. She wouldn’t budge on this. Shauna scowled, and Jackie prepared for the stubbornness to rear its head. 

“Jackie, it’s a risk of my job, I can’t just—“ Jackie reached forward and squeezed Shauna’s cheeks between her palms to get her to stop.

“We said no arguing. You asked, and I answered. That’s it. The rest can come later.” Jackie watched as Shauna’s face relaxed, resigned. Unable to help herself with Shauna looking so adorable, Jackie smiled and tilted her head back and forth. 

When she met no resistance, she started to shake Shauna’s head back and forth, laughing at the look on her face and the sensation of squishing her cheeks. “I’m glad you’re having fun.” Shauna spoke dully from pursed lips, which made Jackie laugh harder. Jackie felt Shauna’s cheek twitch up into a smile under her hand. 

“I always have fun with you.” Jackie sighed. For right now that was true. For right now she could forget about the pang in her heart of the years missed, and the hurt from their last argument. Right now, Shauna was literally in the palm of her hands looking up at her with wide, brown eyes, and Jackie felt nothing but love. 

A want that had been building in her for years started to bubble over—a desire, a hunger . She lightened her grip on Shauna’s face until she was simply cupping her cheeks. Jackie cataloged Shauna’s entire face, committing every new freckle, scar, and blemish to memory, and then her gaze zeroed in on Shauna’s lips. 

Throughout their lives together, Jackie frequently found herself staring at Shauna and Shauna’s lips. She didn’t think anyone could blame her—Shauna was beautiful. She always had been. They had kissed several times throughout their lives, but always just pecks. A sign of affection, but those died down when they got into their late teens. 

Kissing Shauna had always made Jackie feel connected to her, if only for a moment, but the pecks always left Jackie wanting more—to be even closer. Jackie was starving . 

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Shauna’s with a sigh and felt Shauna sigh in return. Jackie lazily moved her lips as Shauna’s slotted against hers, and for that moment they were one being, sharing the air in their lungs, two halves of a whole. Jackie only pulled away once her lungs started to burn, but not before she placed one more delicate peck against Shauna’s lips. She didn’t separate any further, leaning her head against Shauna’s. 

Suddenly separated into two bodies once more, Jackie got nervous. What if Shauna left her again after this? She didn’t think she could survive it a second time. “We’ll work everything out, right?”

Shauna nodded immediately against her head. “We will.” Shauna leaned forward to connect their lips once more, and Jackie hummed in delighted surprise. “ We will .” She promised, punctuating the promise with several kisses. 

Jackie squeezed Shauna’s shoulder where her hand had gripped, before sliding her hand lower. Her fingertips grazed the top of the scar. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

Jackie paused, their lips hovering over each other’s, but she did not move away.

“Is…everything alright?” Laura Lee. Kind, lovely, well-intentioned Laura Lee, who had the worst timing in the world. Jackie let out a sigh that bordered on a groan and dropped her head onto Shauna’s shoulder. She felt Shauna rest her cheek on the side of her head.

“We’re fine, Laura Lee.”

“Okay…dinner is ready and waiting. Do you want me to bring it in to you?” 

“We’ll be out soon.” At least Jackie could hear the disappointment in Shauna’s voice. She had to have been enjoying it too if she was disappointed they had to stop.

“Okay…we’ll try to keep it warm.”

Jackie's stomach suddenly growled, and Jackie held her stomach as she startled from the sound. It was funny; she had completely forgotten that she still had to eat, and even then she wasn’t even thinking about food. She just wanted to kiss Shauna again.

“We should probably head out…you’re going to get pruny.” Shauna mumbled against the side of her head.

Jackie kissed Shauna’s neck and resisted the urge to dig her teeth in, before getting herself up. They both got out of the basin, and Jackie was happy to note that neither of them had any injuries left. Their hands remained tangled together until Shauna had to rifle through her knapsack. 

Shauna handed her a pile of clothes and started getting dressed. Jackie had worn Shauna’s clothes many times in the years since she’d last seen her—so frequently, that eventually they didn’t even smell like her anymore. She unashamedly brought the shirt up to her nose and took a deep breath. The shirt smelled different to how Shauna’s clothes used to smell, but Shauna was still there underneath it all. 

She slipped the clothes on quickly, and wrapped herself in a hug. She used to do this exact thing in the weeks following their big argument, and she would imagine Shauna hugging her. She didn’t need to imagine anymore, however, as Shauna grabbed her hand once more and led her out of the room. 

They rejoined everyone in the main room, and sat at the two empty chairs—though Jackie moved hers closer to Shauna’s before sitting down. There was an uneasiness in her as she sat at the table, despite the fact that she was surrounded by friends. 

“Here,” Nat said as she placed two bowls of meat down in front of them. 

Shauna immediately dove into eating hers with fervor, but Jackie’s anxiety spiked. She had been somewhere else. She had been given a bowl. She had been told to eat. She poked at the meat hesitantly. “What is it?”

“Oh!” Misty, the one stranger, piped up from down the table, “it’s actually—“

“Direwolf,” Shauna interrupted. “It’s direwolf…we, uh, ran into some on level four.”

Shauna was lying. As good as Shauna was at passively lying, she was atrocious at actively lying. But Jackie couldn’t understand why . Why would Shauna be lying about what they were eating?  

“Yeah, I have them to thank for my fourth near-death experience.” Van spoke, motioning to the new scars on their face. “Saved these just to prove that I fistfought a direwolf and lived.” They grinned. 

So, they had actually run into direwolves…what was Shauna lying about then? Jackie glanced down at the meat she had skewered onto her fork. Even after everything—she still trusted Shauna on a fundamental level. She tentatively started eating, though she still didn’t feel very hungry. 

“Kind of glad I wasn’t there for that—no offense…what else did I miss?” Jackie asked to fill the silence and to distract herself from Shauna’s gaze burning into her. 

“Let’s see,” Nat raised her hand and started to count off events on her fingers, “Shauna almost stabbed a Corpse Retriever, Misty tried to poison us, Lottie, Laura Lee, and Misty farmed on golems, Shauna almost got possessed by a ghost, Shauna almost had her arm torn off by direwolves, pretty sure we got stuck in a time loop, Shauna got her leg bitten off by the thing that ate yo—ah” Nat stopped abruptly, but Jackie could barely hear her anymore at that point anyway. With each additional mention of Shauna, Jackie’s grip on Shauna’s hand tightened.

Was Shauna always this reckless? How many more times had Jackie almost lost her? Jackie glared at the side of Shauna’s head where she had frozen with her fork halfway to her mouth. 

“And you wanted me to promise not to sacrifice myself for you !? I can’t believe you! You—“ Jackie knew she was working herself up, but how couldn’t she? Shauna had almost died so many times when Jackie had done everything to save her. 

“We said we wouldn’t argue tonight.” Shauna squeezed Jackie’s hand back and met her gaze with a clenched jaw. Shauna definitely wanted to argue, but she was visibly holding back to respect Jackie’s wishes. 

Jackie’s mouth flapped open and closed a few times before she stuffed her fork in her mouth, gnashing her teeth on the meat just to expel some frustration. “I’m going to be so mad at you tomorrow.” She growled in warning. 

“Yeah, well, me too.” Shauna tangled their fingers further, to the brink of pain, as she, too, continued eating. 

“You’re both just… postponing your anger?” Tai questioned from across the table as if it was absurd. Jackie and Shauna had always been good at pushing things aside when they needed each other. Until it all came to a head, of course. Jackie glanced at Shauna who met her gaze, before they both turned back to Tai, nodding and shrugging. 

“They’ll work through it.” Laura Lee sounded optimistic. 

“They always do…eventually.” Lottie mumbled from her slouched position in the chair. 

“It’s just so nice to all be back together,” Laura Lee leaned into the table. 

“It is.” Shauna admitted, taking Jackie by surprise. 

“I still need to be filled in on everything.” Jackie steered the conversation back on track as she pushed her finished bowl away from her. 

After Nat double checking that she actually wanted to hear everything and Jackie confirming, Van started to tell the story of their trek down into the dungeon to save her. As the story progressed, Jackie tightened her grip on Shauna’s hand until it was bruising, but she just healed her immediately as her grip strengthened. 

Eventually, Shauna yawned, taking Jackie’s attention away from Van’s storytelling. They were just getting to the fourth level, where the supposed direwolves attacked, and Jackie was invested. Looking around the table, Jackie saw that everyone else was already asleep or on their way there. Van stopped for the night and promised to continue in the morning before they nudged Tai awake further. 

Misty set up the various spaces with extra blankets before settling in the main room, Nat offered to take the first watch, Tai and Van took the attic, and Lottie and Laura Lee took the other room. “It’s hungry again…” Jackie heard Lottie mumble sleepily as Laura Lee led her to bed. 

That left her and Shauna with the room they had bathed in earlier. They were going to share a bed again; something Jackie had longed for more than almost anything else. Shauna turned to her and motioned to the room. “We should probably…”

“Yeah,” Jackie said simply. As much as she wanted to share a bed with Shauna again, she was scared for this tentative peace to end. She was scared to go to sleep. What if this had all been some nice, final death dream? She made her way to the room again, Shauna following behind until Shauna pulled away. 

Jackie startled at the loss and turned with her hand stretched out, grabbing toward Shauna, who now held her staff in her hand. “Shauna.”

Shauna immediately reconnected their hands, and Jackie could breathe again. Jackie pushed open the door and Nat called out behind them, but she didn’t respond.  Shauna quietly shut the door behind them. The room had changed since they had last been in it. No one had been in it since they left, but the basin was completely emptied and pushed off to the side. Jackie felt that same foreboding chill run through her at the sight. 

It was a chill so intense that it brought back flashes of a cabin, of a man, of a meal. There was a squeeze of her hand, and Jackie rapidly shook her head.

“I feel it too. I think the dungeon is watching us.” Shauna moved past Jackie, leading her to the bed where she sat down. 

“Why?” What did the dungeon want with them? Hadn’t they already given enough? Shauna shrugged, looking up at Jackie. 

“I don’t know.” Jackie squinted down at Shauna. Shauna who had spent most of their teenage years with her nose stuck in a book detailing everything about this dungeon didn’t even have an inkling of what was going on? Jackie found that hard to believe, but with Shauna wide eyed and looking up at her, she found it even harder to argue the point. 

Nodding, she stepped forward into Shauna’s space, cupping her cheek with her free hand. She enjoyed the look in Shauna’s eyes as she traced her thumb against her cheek—there was a reverence there. As if she was thankful Jackie was there with her.

“You grabbed Ophelia.” Jackie found herself saying, and Shauna’s brow furrowed. Jackie smoothed it out, tempted to press a kiss there. “My staff.”

“Oh.” Shauna looked down in her lap, and Jackie’s hand shifted to the crown of her head, gently scratching. “Instinct, I guess. I’ve been taking care of it.”

Jackie took a seat next to Shauna and slid her staff across Shauna’s lap and into her own. She closed her eyes, running her fingers along the staff, and letting her mana flow. She only kept herself from gasping by humming instead. “I can feel you.”

She could feel Shauna in every single inch of Ophelia; their mana so mixed together inside of it, that it was practically one. It was more than Jackie could have ever wanted, better than when she imagined both of their staffs when they were younger. Of course, they never needed two staffs. They could just share the one. 

“Sorry,” Shauna sounded sheepish.

“Don’t be.” Jackie hugged Ophelia to herself before leaning it against the wall. She delicately ran her hand against the staff once more.

“Jax,” Shauna whispered, and Jackie immediately turned at the use of a nickname she missed dearly. “I don’t want to go to sleep.”

Jackie shifted even closer to Shauna, placing a hand on her thigh. She didn’t want to go to sleep either but… “We can’t put off these conversations, Shauna.” Putting things off was what tore them apart the last time, and Jackie was not going to let that happen again if she could help it. 

Shauna shook her head. “I know. It’s just,” Shauna breathed shakily, “ what if this isn’t real?” She whispered. “I’m scared that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up, and you’ll be gone.” 

Jackie leaned over to rest her forehead against Shauna’s shoulder. “I’m scared, too.” She spoke into the fabric of Shauna’s shirt, and it was true. She was terrified and still even coming to terms with the fact that she had died . Coupled with the fact that Shauna had used an ancient ritual; Jackie had no idea if her resurrection was even permanent. She took a moment, breathing Shauna in, before she propped her chin onto her shoulder. “But we’ll get through this together…all of it.” 

Shauna rested her forehead against Jackie’s temple and took a deep breath. “ Oh,” she started, her hands reaching up to the clasp behind her neck. “Here.” Jackie reached out before she could remove it. 

“Keep it for now.” Jackie smoothed her hand over the pendant, straightening it out and making sure it rested correctly. She wanted Shauna to stay safe no matter what happened to her come morning.

“Are you sure?” 

Jackie hummed her answer, and then she had a thought. “Why don’t we have a sleepover like we used to? We’ll just stay up talking as long as our bodies will let us and fall asleep together.” Jackie’s offer was tentative; Shauna usually shot the idea down at first. 

Surprisingly though, Shauna nodded against Jackie’s forehead. 

“Oh wow,” Jackie laughed in surprise, “it’s been years since I’ve been able to get you to agree to a sleepover while not half-asleep.” 

“Yeah well,” Shauna shrugged, “circumstances changed.” You died , Jackie translated for her. Even if it stung that that was the circumstance it took, Jackie would take it.

“I’ll be sure to use these circumstances to my advantage as much as possible.” She said, only partially joking. Shauna groaned, and Jackie smiled. “Benevolently, of course,” she amended and leaned forward, pressing her lips to Shauna’s cheek, right at the corner of her mouth. 

“Alright, Shipman. Under those covers.” She separated herself and turned down the bed, ushering Shauna into it. Jackie immediately pushed and prodded to get her to start moving. 

“I’m going ,” Shauna swatted at Jackie’s insistent hands as she moved under the covers, but Jackie could tell she was being playful. Shauna shifted, trying to get comfortable in the small bed. “I think it’ll be a bit of a tight squeeze.” 

The moment Shauna had finished shifting, Jackie slipped under the covers after her. She draped herself across Shauna—her arm going around her waist, her leg hiked over her hip, and her head burrowed into the juncture of her neck. “It’s perfect.” Jackie sighed into Shauna’s skin. 

“I can’t remember the last time we did this.” The words were stilted.

“You’re lying,” Jackie spoke against Shauna’s collar bone, tempted to take it between her teeth. “Why?” 

“You know why.” And wasn’t that a choice of words to throw back at Jackie—especially when they both knew the last time they had slept like this had been the night before their fight. The night Jackie had insisted upon because she felt Shauna slipping away. 

“I’ve never known you, remember? ” Jackie couldn’t help the bitterness that seeped into her tone. She felt Shauna stop breathing beneath her and she sighed. “Sorry, that’s a tomorrow topic.” She cleared the emotion from her throat, and circled her hand across Shauna’s abdomen soothingly.

“It was the night before everything fell apart…I don’t like to think of it.” The words almost made Jackie scoff; if only it were that easy for her.

“…most of the time it’s all I can think about.” Jackie admitted instead.

“We’re pretty bad at not bringing this stuff up, huh?”

“We must both really want to talk about it.” 

Silence descended on the room, but it wasn’t awkward. Their silences never were, even when they were fighting. Charged, sure . Tense, absolutely . But never awkward. Jackie let her fingers trace patterns against Shauna’s stomach, enjoying the way her muscles would tense and spasm underneath her, while Shauna let her hand travel up and down Jackie’s back soothingly. After a minute or so, Jackie could practically hear the gears turning in Shauna’s head over something. 

“Thinking awfully hard there, Shipman.” Jackie extended an offer, pausing her hand. 

“You kissed me.” Jackie practically jolted at the directness, her hand instinctively fisting into Shauna’s shirt over her stomach. “Why?”

Why? Shauna was asking Jackie why she kissed her—Shauna should know! Did Shauna not want to kiss Jackie? Panicking, she immediately voiced her thought. “Did you not want to?” 

Shauna’s hand moved purposefully up and down against Jackie’s back. “I didn’t say that.”

So, Shauna did want to? At the very least she wasn’t shoving Jackie away and off of her. “Did you like it?”

Jackie heard a sound catch in Shauna’s throat, but she couldn’t tell if it was a scoff or a laugh. She didn’t know which she would prefer. “Of course I did,” Shauna said softly, and oh , the tension finally eased from Jackie. She sank into Shauna’s embrace. “But what did it mean?”

What? Jackie popped up onto her elbow to look at Shauna incredulously. “What do you mean , what did it mean?” Jackie watched Shauna intently as she looked anywhere but Jackie and shrugged. Then it clicked—she still didn’t understand just how much Jackie loved her. “ Shauna.” 

“I just…with everything, I just…don’t know what that meant for us. Does that change us?” Huh, that was something Jackie had never even really considered. She never worried when she was with Shauna, unless it was about Shauna. They were just Jackie and Shauna; they always had been. 

“I don’t think so—we’ve always been…us.” Jackie had no other way to word it, but it seemed like the words hit their mark. Shauna finally made eye contact with Jackie, and the hand that had been resting on her back, slid up to cup her neck, until she was being pulled gently back down. Jackie went willingly and eagerly. 

Their lips met once more, and Shauna sighed into it as her nails dug in at the back of Jackie’s neck. The sensation jolted Jackie, making her groan, but rather than separate, Shauna deepened the kiss, swallowing the groan. Kissing Shauna was possibly the best thing Jackie had ever done, but Shauna kissing her ? Shauna pulling Jackie down to her, keeping her there, wanting her there? Well that was indescribable. 

Jackie could get lost in the thought and feeling of being wanted by Shauna, and for a few minutes she let herself. She let herself imagine being able to do this every day—no longer having to hold herself back from her desire to be as close to Shauna as possible. Could they have been doing this for four years? Even longer? 

It was that thought that finally brought Jackie back to herself. She still had no idea what Shauna had done in the past four years—how she had grown, how she had changed . Away and separate from Jackie. Jackie pulled away, placing a hand on Shauna’s chest to keep her laying down. 

“I really did want to talk tonight.” Jackie’s fingers played with the chain of the necklace, as Shauna tried to regain her bearings—an adorable, confused look crossing her face. 

“Uh, what did you want to talk about?” 

“Tell me what I missed.” Shauna’s brow furrowed. 

“Van is gonna continue the story in the morning—I’m sure they’d be disappointed if—“

“No,” Jackie interrupted, “what did I miss with you ? What don’t I know?…four years is a lot to catch up on.” 

“Jax, I can’t give you a daily report,” Shauna teased and Jackie pouted. She wished Shauna would at least try to. “Most of the days blended together…I was just….surviving.” 

When Jackie thought back over the four Shauna-less years; it almost all muddled together. Of course there were bright spots—like meeting Nat, Van, and even Travis, but without Shauna it all felt a bit duller. 

“Yeah,” Jackie agreed with a sigh. Jackie settled back into Shauna, resting her head on her shoulder, and resumed her pattern tracing on Shauna’s stomach. As her fingers traced along the different planes of muscle and fat, Shauna’s breath would hitch and stutter. Jackie enjoyed figuring out which movements promoted which reactions. 

“I was a mercenary for a while…right after—in the beginning.” Shauna started. Jackie slid her hand across Shauna to wrap around her waist, slipping her fingers beneath Shauna’s shirt just barely. She squeezed her a bit, letting Shauna know she had her attention. “…we did some not so good things for a lot of people.” 

“We?” Jackie had an inkling, but she always would rather have confirmation.

“Tai and I; that’s where we met.”

“Hm.” So they had known each other for nearly four years. It made sense why they were close, but it still couldn’t help but rub Jackie the wrong way. The same way anyone getting close to Shauna when she wasn’t there had always made her feel. 

“What?” Shauna started playing with the ends of Jackie’s hair. The question was probing, but only slightly exasperated. 

“Nothing,” Jackie quickly assured before she continued. “You just seem close. That’s all.”

“…we’ve been through a lot together these past four years.” Jackie could tell that Shauna was answering carefully—there were things she was holding back.

“Hm.”

“ Jackie,” Shauna sighed and a pit immediately formed in Jackie’s stomach. Had she pushed too far already? Was Shauna tired of her again? “Without Tai I probably—no, definitely— wouldn’t be here right now.” 

Jackie just kept from flinching at the information, squeezing Shauna more tightly at the reminder. “We look out for each other, and she’s my friend.” Was Tai more important to Shauna than Jackie was now? Did Shauna complain to Tai about Jackie—about how needy and annoying and boring and tragic and insecure she had always been? She dug her fingers into Shauna’s side at the thought. Her thoughts spiraled, as much as she wanted to be rational; Tai, of course, didn’t seem the type to care about gossip. Rationally, Jackie knew that, but she was exhausted, and scared, and buzzing, and hungry. “…but she’s not you.”

“ Oh .” And with that simple sentence, Jackie’s spiral came to an abrupt stop. Jackie was different from everyone else to Shauna, just like Shauna was to her. They were the same , and then there was everyone. Suddenly, Jackie felt lighter than she had in years; the weight of the rubble of their shattered friendship, lessening as Jackie’s perception of their foundation rebuilt itself. It was them, together , against the world. 

“Yeah…turns out you’re pretty irreplaceable.”

“Well, I could’ve told you that.” Jackie teased while fighting back tears. Shauna flicked Jackie’s ear, and Jackie shook her head fervently, trying to escape ( not really ) Shauna’s hold. With no other route or course of action, Jackie surged forward and took Shauna’s earlobe between her teeth, giving it a tug. Shauna gasped, and Jackie let go, cuddling back into her shoulder as Shauna cleared her throat. 

“If you’re done being disruptive— I thought you wanted to hear some stories.” Jackie did. She burrowed into Shauna, rearranging them both until they were positioned just how Jackie liked. And Shauna let her without a single complaint; Jackie was practically giddy. 

Then, Shauna started to talk about the four years they had been apart and Jackie took in every detail. She asked some questions here and there for clarification, but she wanted to hear everything Shauna wanted to share with her. Eventually, Shauna’s speech got slower and her words slurred together, trailing longer as she started to doze off. Jackie still didn’t interrupt, content to listen until the very last moment when Shauna’s words were exchanged for steady breathing.

Jackie turned her head to press a kiss right on Shauna’s pulse point and whispered into the skin there. “ Goodnight, Shauna.”  

Not too much later, Jackie followed after Shauna, drifting off into darkness.

——————————----------------

“Jackie .” Jackie stirred slightly from her sleep. “ Jackie.” A hand lightly shook her shoulder, and Jackie blinked her eyes open. Squatting next to the bed was…Shauna? But Shauna had been—she glanced underneath her in the bed, but was greeted with nothing but the mattress.

How had she gotten out from under Jackie without Jackie even noticing? “Jackie, come on, I have to show you something.” 

Shauna outstretched her hand with pleading eyes, and Jackie could do nothing but accept the hand. She was heavy with an exhaustion that hadn’t been there before she fell asleep. “Where are we going?” She grumbled.

“You’ll see,” Shauna whispered and turned to lead her from the room. For the briefest of moments, Jackie could have sworn her eyes flashed, but it was probably because she was so tired. Jackie followed after Shauna, shuffling on her feet, as Shauna opened the door into the main room. 

“What about the others?” Jackie glanced at the door across the hall. Shauna shook her head.

“It has to be just us.” Jackie couldn’t help her small smile at that—that was perfect. 

They walked through the main room, and Jackie startled a bit as Tai was staring right at them. There was something…vacant about her expression, though. It looked strange even to Jackie. “Is she okay?” Jackie whispered to Shauna who didn’t even glance at Tai, just kept moving toward the door. 

“She’ll be fine.” Shauna opened the door to the cabin and pulled Jackie through, before closing it behind them. Jackie immediately braced against a cold wind—it had started to snow. 

“Shauna, shouldn’t we wait until morning?” Shauna’s hand squeezed hers at the words.

“It’s important, Jackie, and it won’t take too long. Promise.”

“Okay…” Jackie crossed her free arm over her middle and started trudging through the freshly fallen snow after Shauna. 

They walked through the trees, but Jackie couldn’t tell where they were going. It was like the darkness had closed in around her until all she could see was Shauna leading the way. Everything else around the edges was blurred and indistinguishable. It made it hard to keep track of time too. Jackie had no idea how long they had been walking by now, but it was longer than she expected. A gnawing in her core grew as they walked—maybe she hadn’t had enough for dinner. She was hungry. 

Finally, Shauna came to a stop in a clearing, and Jackie looked around, shivering. The clearing was vaguely familiar until her eyes landed on the large corpse of the creature that had eaten her. This was where she had been resurrected the day before. Jackie looked at Shauna who still hadn’t turned around. “Why—why are we here?” 

“Because we need you.” There was something… off about Shauna’s voice. 

“ We ? You…you said it would be just us.” The grip on her hand…changed. Fingers grew longer, more spindly, and held tighter. Jackie watched as whatever was pretending to be Shauna grew and morphed, antlers sprouting from her head and furs obscured its entire form. 

“You should be used to her lying by now,” the voice was layered with innumerable voices all speaking at once. It led her over toward the dead creature. 

Dread. That’s all that there was as Jackie continued to walk forward after the figure. She wanted to stop. She wanted to pull away, but she couldn’t. There was only forward. 

Standing amongst the frozen viscera, Jackie was finally able to stop. Whatever it was dropped her hand, moving over to the creature, and in its movement, revealed an eerily familiar gaunt man standing in front of her. Even though her hand had been released, her body remained frozen. 

It walked over to the creature’s corpse and placed a hand against it. “Hunger has many different faces: survival, desire, desperation, starvation, gluttony, greed, lust. All are wanting. All are hunger. It’s in each and every one of us…but it has a home in you .” It turned toward Jackie. “You’ve been hungry your entire life. Hungry for connection, for love, for attention, for food that you actively denied yourself…for Shauna. So hungry for her that you nearly consumed her entirely into yourself—an impressive feat.” 

“I—I never meant—“ Jackie tracked it with her eyes as it walked around to the man, who was still just standing there.

“I know, and that’s what makes you—“ It suddenly fused into the man, disappearing as he picked up right where it left off. “— perfect . We’re in need of a new guardian.” 

He lifted his hand, and a searing pain erupted in Jackie’s head. A scream tore from her throat as her body burned. Dozens of images flashed in Jackie’s head, memories and thoughts and hungers that weren’t hers filling her mind. She dropped to the ground, holding her head, her screaming continuous. 

She thought she could just barely hear voices in the distance, but they were completely overtaken by the noise in her mind. Still, a part of her just knew that one of them was Shauna. She didn’t know how much time had passed, but the agony was unending. The man was saying something above her, but his voice was a dull droning in the background of searing screams. And then—Shauna was gone. She wasn’t dead, but she wasn’t there; she couldn’t feel her gaze anymore. 

The pain concentrated at her temples as her skin split—bloodied antlers sprouting out from the two points, forcing her hands aside. There was a burning bubbling surrounding her as the blood and viscera of the creature broke down, forming around her before building back up once more. 

And suddenly, the screaming stopped. Jackie’s body was no longer hers , not wholly. She was a passenger, a spectator, as her body morphed and changed in its image. It was here in her body with her, just as the previous Guardian was. They were the ones in control now, not her.

The ground grew further and further away as her body reformed, and the antlers became a noticeable weight on her head.

Still, as Jackie was forced to the back of her own mind, she was happy that she at least had Shauna’s shirt with her this time.

Chapter Text

Falling. Shauna was falling once more and Jackie’s cries of agony were becoming fainter and fainter as she continued down, down, down. The stars in the night sky appeared further and further away until the ground above them closed, casting all of them in darkness. 

Without the light of the night sky, it was pitch black around them. It was only the air whipping past her that let Shauna know that she was still plummeting. If not for that, Shauna could be convinced she was in some sort of stasis—just being held in the darkness. The others were calling out in alarm and confusion, but Shauna couldn’t focus on that. It was all just muffled background noise to her as she fought to remain conscious. 

She had failed again. Jackie had been taken from her, again. She wondered if this was her punishment for leaving; she would never be allowed to be close again. How cosmically fitting. 

The end of their fall was abrupt. 

Bodies slammed against the ground. Shauna half landed on top of someone else, and the wind was knocked out of her already exhausted body. 

“Everyone alright?” Nat grunted from a few feet away. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Taissa’s voice was harsh and sharp; she was scared. She didn’t like it when she didn’t know what she was up against. Tai was just like Shauna in that way—her fear usually came out as anger. 

“That was them…the ruler of the wilderness.” Lottie still sounded a little off. Shauna had hardly processed the state she had been in before, so focused on finding Jackie again. 

“How do we get out of here?” Laura Lee’s was high and strained. Shauna could tell she was holding back tears. 

“I don’t think we’re climbing back up.” There was a dull thud, and Van grunted. “Solid ground around us.” 

“We should try to remain as calm as possible, who knows how much oxygen we have.” Misty’s wheezing voice came from right above her—she was kind of glad Misty took the impact of her landing over the others. 

“ Not helpful, Misty!” Nat snapped. 

“Shauna?” Tai’s voice was more even this time, purposefully so.

“I think she’s on top of me.” Misty still sounded so chipper even as her breaths wheezed. 

“Is she okay?”

“She’s breathing, beyond that it’s too dark to te—“ Misty was interrupted by the sound of grinding. Slow and steady; the shifting of ground and stone. 

“What’s that sound?” Panic seeped into Nat’s tone. 

“The pit is closing around us.” Lottie’s words caused movement all around Shauna. Misty dragged herself out from beneath her. Shauna knew she probably should have felt alarmed at the sentence but she just…couldn’t. 

“Lott, can you do anything ?” Van urged.

“…my mana is still exhausted from yesterday.” Lottie sounded tired, apologetic, resigned. They were going to die.

“No. No. I am not dying in a pit in this dungeon! I—I’m not , so we are going to figure something else out.” Tai’s voice was thick. The slow, droning grinding continued. Shauna thought she should reach out to comfort Tai. She wanted to, or at least in the moment she wanted to want to, but there was no strength or energy left in her. 

“ Laura Lee ?” Van redirected. 

“I—I’m thinking!”

“We don’t have time for thinking.” Nat grunted as Shauna felt the wall touch her arm and start pushing her inward. 

“Use your weapons to jam the sides!” Misty called out and Shauna heard several weapons being jammed into the hard ground. The grinding did not stop. Laura Lee started praying. Shauna could hear the strained grunting of the others trying to hold the space open, could feel it as her body was pressed closer to them until various body parts met her shoulders. 

“We aren’t dying like this. We aren’t dying like this.” Tai repeated over and over through clenched teeth. Shauna had always admired her determination. “ We aren’t dying like— Ah!” 

Tai’s mantra was cut off by her own yell, and then she disappeared. Shauna felt her knees slip away from her side. “ Tai !” Van yelled.

“She’s fine! We have to move— hurry .” Lottie urged, sounding revitalized. Shauna could hear grunts of the others moving over the grinding as they each started to disappear from around her. Good. They would get out. The grinding became more intense as each of the walls closed in around her. Being squashed was probably going to suck. 

Two pairs of hands gripped her tightly and yanked— nails dug into her skin and Shauna could feel the blood bead down her body, but she didn’t feel the pain. 

“Come on, come on .” Laura Lee muttered through clenched teeth as she struggled to pull Shauna. 

“We’re not done yet.” Lottie said from her other side. It sounded like a condemnation. A sentencing.

There was one more push and pull of her body, and then she was tumbling out through a small tunnel in a tangle of limbs with Lottie and Laura Lee. 

The return of the silvery moonlight after the darkness was nearly as jarring as the impact against the snow when they landed, Shauna facing the sky. A sheer cliff side loomed up beside them; snow piling around them at the bottom. 

“ Shauna .” Two hands cupped her cheeks as Laura Lee came into her view, but she was unfocused. All Shauna could seem to focus on were the stars behind her. 

“Is she conscious?” Tai was okay. That was good.

“I…I think she’s in shock. Shauna, can you hear me?” Yes, she could hear her—she just couldn’t move her mouth. Shauna blinked. “Was that a yes, Shauna?” Shauna blinked again. It was like the rest of her body had abandoned her. Her limbs weren’t responding. 

Her body was being maneuvered, and then her head was slightly elevated, resting in a lap. Fingers were gently and cautiously moving across her forehead and around her temples. Laura Lee, most likely.

“Is anyone gonna enlighten us to what the fuck just happened back there!?” Nat trudged through the snow. 

“We took from it, so it took from us…” Lottie spoke solemnly. Fingers wiped away at tears that trickled down Shauna’s face. 

“ Enough of the cryptic bullshit , Lott!”

“Do you want an answer or not?” Lottie sounded defensive—hurt. Nat sighed, long and tired. 

“Tai, how did you even get out of there? I checked the walls—they were all solid.” Van questioned. 

“I…I don’t know. There was a chill at the back of my neck, and then all of a sudden I was being pulled through that opening.” Shauna could hear the shudder in her voice. “—how’s Shauna?” 

The fingers continued to trace across her forehead and temples. It was soothing. “Still mostly unresponsive, but I think she’s okay…she did encounter and dispel ancient magic just then. Her body may need to recover.” 

“That was ancient magic? I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

“All the more reason it was impressive Shauna was able to dispel it.” Another figure obscured her view of the stars, and Shauna was fairly certain it was Lottie. 

“Yeah, well, I can’t do anything against that. None of us can, really, and I’ve had my fill of death wishes on this journey.” Van sounded more defeated than Shauna had ever heard. 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying we did our best. We defeated the Guardian. We brought Jackie back. And all that brought us was the ire of the most powerful thing in here. We shouldn’t have even been able to bring Jackie back…and maybe we shouldn’t have. I think it’s time we hedge our bets, and get out of here while we still can.” Van’s statement was met with the silence that only comes with careful consideration. 

 Shauna felt like her insides were vibrating with her desire to yell. No noise left her, but her breathing picked up heavily through her nose. Lottie at her side took her hand and folded it into a fist, squeezing it tightly for her. 

“No. No, I won’t leave her here.” Laura Lee did not stop her soothing motions as she spoke seriously. “Whether or not Jackie should have been able to be resurrected—and no matter the means used to resurrect her—it worked . She’s alive again, and I refuse to abandon her like that.” 

When Laura Lee set her mind to something there was little that could persuade her. 

“Listen, I’m just being pragmatic here. We don’t even know if she still is alive anymore. Who’s to say the ruler of the dungeon didn’t kill her as soon as we fell?” 

“They didn’t.” Lottie sounded certain.

“How can you know that, Lott?” Natalie was trying to be realistic; she was trying to make Lottie see sense. 

“Shauna.” Lottie’s answer was simple, and Shauna could picture her small, accompanying shrug. “If Jackie was dead,” Shauna tensed at the suggestion, “she would be inconsolable.” 

“Jackie could always feel when something was…grievously wrong with Shauna, and I have no doubt Shauna is the same.” Laura Lee’s fingers ran through Shauna’s hair, but Shauna couldn’t take the soothing anymore. She didn’t deserve it. She managed to shift her head off to the side, dislodging Laura Lee’s hands. 

“Be that as it may; I think a regroup might be necessary,” Tai threw out, “We have to find our way back to get all of our stuff in the first place, but maybe we could still try and catch Mari’s group on their way out. We could use all the help we can get on this.” 

“ ‘m not leaving…” Shauna’s voice was low and raspy, laced with exhaustion. Her lips had barely moved with the words, but everyone paused at the sound of her voice. Lottie and Laura Lee hauled Shauna into a sitting position with a grunt, letting her lean against the rock of the cliff face. 

Finally able to see everyone again, Shauna took stock. They all looked haggard and disheveled. It made sense; they had been thrown for a loop in the middle of the night— again . Van had started to occupy themself by building a fire. Now that the adrenaline had worn out it was quickly becoming freezing. Nat paced behind them; she was antsy. 

“Well, before we even get to that point we all have to rest, and then figure out where the fuck we are—anyone have any food on them?” Nat’s question was met with silence. “Figures. How about you, Misty?…Misty?”

The woman in question was silently staring up the cliff face. Shauna couldn’t quite read her expression. Nat paused her pacing to make her way over to Misty. The woman was completely unresponsive to her approach until Nat touched her shoulder. She jolted and swung around to face Nat. “No. No, I don’t—no food.” 

“Okay…” Nat eyed Misty with a strange mix of concern and suspicion. 

“I think we should rest.” Lottie said, and then spoke under her breath. The fire suddenly ignited under the flint stone Van had been striking with little luck. 

With none of their belongings on them, the group huddled together against the cliff face with the fire in front of them. It was the best they could do to stay warm. 

Any arguments Shauna may have wanted to start were quickly snuffed out as the exhaustion took her from consciousness once more.

Shauna dreamt in flashes. There was snow. There was a cabin. There was a family. There was a man. There was food. There was hunger. There was nothing. There was—

Shauna jolted awake with an immediate groan, Jackie’s yells still echoing in her ears. Her entire body ached, not helped at all by the fact that they had all slept sitting up. A hand immediately found her shoulder. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Tai spoke softly. The rest of the group seemed to already be awake, scouting around their surroundings, and regaining their bearings. Lottie, Laura Lee, and Misty were seated around the fire, eating a few handfuls of berries that Lottie had most likely conjured up. 

“Bad,” Shauna grunted in response, “but we have to go.” 

She wasn’t even able to make the move to stand up before Tai’s fingers gripped tightly into her shoulder, making her stay seated. “Shauna, you are going to sit your ass down and let Laura Lee give you a look over, or I’m going to knock you out.”

“If those are the choices, you should’ve just done it while I was asleep.” Shauna grumbled and crossed her arms with a wince. 

“That’s what I said. Laura Lee said she preferred to have ‘verbal confirmation of a patient’s status while healing them’ whenever possible.” Tai had lilted her voice higher in an attempt to mimic Laura Lee’s. Shauna’s lip quirked up at the terrible impersonation. 

“Well, I’m up.” She let her head tilt back against the rock. 

Tai gave her one last look of warning accompanied with a squeeze on her shoulder before she called Laura Lee over. Laura Lee wasted no time in hurrying over, and Lottie wasn’t too far behind. She dropped into a crouch next to Shauna and took her face in her hands. 

“…morning.” Shauna mumbled after Laura Lee just examined her face for a few moments. It seemed to snap her from whatever thoughts she was having. 

“Good morning, Shauna. How do you feel? Are you light-headed at all? Can you control your body?” Laura Lee started to poke and prod her, and Shauna was suddenly brought back to when they were younger. She, Lottie, and Jackie would take turns being the body Laura Lee would poke and prod at to practice new concepts she learned in class. More often than not it would be Lottie, but occasionally she or Jackie would sub in. 

Shauna focused on her arm and tried to lift it. Unlike yesterday, her brain cooperated with her. She was able to lift her arm, but the soreness of all of her muscles immediately prevented her from moving more than an inch or two. Hissing in pain, she lowered her arm back down. 

“I’m exhausted…low on mana probably. Everything hurts, but I can still move if necessary.” Laura Lee hummed, unconvinced. She spoke a familiar incantation and then pressed her hands to Shauna’s temples. 

A soothing warmth spread across Shauna’s body as her exhaustion lessened. Not in its entirety, but enough to function. “Unfortunately that’s the best I can do right now.”

Shauna nodded and shifted. The ache was still there but it was dull, manageable. She pushed herself up with a groan, gathering the attention of the others. 

“You back with us?” Van called out from across the fire. 

Shauna’s knee-jerk reaction was to ream them out over wanting to leave Jackie, but she figured that would only hurt her position. Instead she just nodded. “Yeah. Do we know where we are yet?”