Work Text:
Robin Buckley has a secret;
She doesn't always feel like a girl.
If anything, she usually doesn't feel like a girl. But she tells herself that she doesn't inherently want to be a boy, but that's just not true.
She doesn't feel like a boy specifically or all the time, nor a girl all the time. Sometimes she feels somewhere in the middle. Other times she doesn't really feel any gender. At times she does feel like a girl, and sometimes she feels like a boy.
Despite this, Robin doesn't tell anyone this. She keeps it to herself. She continues to present as a girl, no matter what gender she's really feeling that day (though a lot of the time it makes her uncomfortable).
Something that gives her a sense of euphoria is when Steve calls her "Rob" or "Robbie", especially on her masculine days. Steve never really seems to notice, which is typical of Steve. At first, Robin did enjoy having a guy best friend, it made her feel just like another one of the guys. But eventually, people started to think she was some sort of slut for being around Steve so much. It pisses her off to indescribable levels. She doesn't understand why girls can't just have male friends without people being weird about it.
Robin never had a huge problem with presenting feminine. It makes her life easier (though zero times ten is still zero). But one time, while working at Scoops Ahoy, an older man approached Robin and started flirting with her. She immediately told him to fuck off and Steve said something similar, but this was the moment she realized how different she felt from the "other" girls.
Obviously, Robin has always been "different". Different from everybody else. Not just girls. Even in her band friend group, she always just feels different. Ever since Kindergarten, Robin has been bullied for being abnormal. Kids always make fun of her for everything they possibly can. Her hair, her eyes, her intelligence, her parents. Everything. She never understood why this was, and still doesn't, but she tries not to let it get to her (disclaimer; it does).
In 3rd grade, Robin begged her parents to let her get her hair cut short. After some convincing, they agreed to let her get her haircut. She wanted a buzzcut but they gave her a pixie cut instead, which she wasn't happy about at all. Everyone thought it was because she missed her long hair, and Robin too tried to convince herself that, but deep down she knew it was because she wanted a more masculine haircut.
Now, as she's gotten older and gender is more than who has cooties and who doesn't, Robin has a hard time conforming to the "rules" women are supposed to follow. She doesn't understand why women have to be formal and nice while men are seemingly just allowed to be immature and rude. She doesn't understand why she is expected to wear dresses and makeup when she doesn't want to, and god, she doesn't understand why women can't be allowed to like women.
She doesn't like having to wear feminine work uniforms. She doesn't like having to wear the "Ms." pin at Family Video. She doesn't like everything being gendered. She doesn't understand it.
Sometimes Robin wishes she was born a boy, just like Steve was and like Tommy H. was. Then other times she wishes she was just born a normal girl who doesn't question things like social constructs and gender (which, in her opinion, is a social construct), like Nancy Wheeler and Carol Perkins.
No matter if Robin feels like a girl or a boy, neither or both, people will think she is weird. But Robin knows that. So maybe, Robin thinks, I should just embrace it.
Robin smiles at the thought. He knows things will be rough, but when are they not for him?